#all he cares about rn tbh
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like. . .are any other Polin fans out there that do not give a singular flying fuck about Debling? we should form a club lol because from the very bottom of my heart and with my whole chest: I could not care less about him. Not sorry, I'm tuning into S3 for Pen and Colin and Pen and Colin alone
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#like. . .i keep seeing all these theories about debling and i'm going '. . .and?'#someone: what if debling-#me: don't care. when is colin back on screen? i miss my boy#because really. . .who gives a fuck? he's a random oc who's gonna be gone by ep 3?#frankly i don't give a shit about him in any capacity#and tbh. . .like it's not even a contest for me. colin is SO much more attractive and appealing than debling#no shade to the actor i'm sure he's lovely but guys. . .luke newton is SO fucking fine#tired: colin gets jealous of debling because he's courting penelope and thus disapproves of them#wired: colin distrusts debling because he's a vegetarian and colin the foodie cannot trust a man who cuts out an entire food group#inspired: colin is friendly to debling and can always hype pen up around him but debling isn't listening because he's queer and likes him#y'all just 'care' about debling because he has no traits rn and you can turn him into your perfect male oc prize for penelope#'i ship pen with options' and i ship pen with colin. . .you know. . .like a polin shipper. . .crazy how that's. . .how it works#anywhoozle i am first and foremost a hater#fellow haters come join me we meet up on tuesdays and we have snacks
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“It is a gift. A token of our friendship.” No bitch that was a proposal.
#grow a pair Thorin and just admit it for what it was#you want to MARRY HIM#ik he’s going mad rn but every time Thorin smiles a Bilbo even the slightest my heart gives out a little#tbh I really love all the dwarves they’re so ?????#maybe it’s just bc I’ve watched the movie like 3 times a week for the last month but I love them all so much now#for reference I didn’t care that much about them when I watched for the first time#and on a slightly random note I wanna know more about Legolas mom ????#back to bagginshield I wonder what their wedding would have looked like#IMAGINE THORIN WITH HIS ABSOLUTLY HUGE HANDS TRYING TO BRAID BILBOS HAIR BC THATS DWARVISH TRADITION#AND HES JUST STUGGLING SO HARD BC BILBOS HAIR IS SO SHORT AND HIS HANDS ARE SO BIG HE CANT GET A GOOD GRIP ON THE HAIR#bilbo: Thorin you don’t have to everyone alread knows we’re married#Thorin: NO I have to do this#he’s not a quitter. he’s never been a quitter. he’s not letting a few stands of hair beat him even if it IS bilbos hair#he has to teach bilbo how to braid tho bc he doesn’t know#lotr#lord of the rings#the hobbit#bilbo baggins#bilbo x thorin#thorin x bilbo#thorin oakenshield#bagginshield#thorin and company#lotr dwarves#jrr tolkien#tolkien#fili durin#kili durin#fili and kili#thorin durin
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gratitude list time I'll go first
#stopped caring about some things I was caring far too much about#it's another rainy dreary day which means I can wear cozy clothes and curl up with my brother's dog and coffee and a book#little guy and I are just chillin. he's tiny and shorthaired so he gets cold easily and likes to cuddle up#and seeing as I'm the only person home rn... doggo cuddle time it is!!!#I've been reading more lately!! I'm having trouble with tbosas so I got out a couple other things (sea of tranquility included)#that I've really enjoyed. I'm reading turtles all the way down right now and oh boy I forgot how nice a little contemporary#coming of age novel can be at times. also forgot that john green is a genuinely good writer. as in I personally enjoy his style.#let's see... my favorite sound guy for church is home from college for the summer which means THERES SOMEONE HERE#WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW THE SOUND SYSTEM WORKS. me and the other sound guys have been barely#managing the last couple months bc there's been a ton of random technical glitches (the system is pretty old tbh)#so HALLELUJAH THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT TO DO IS BACK!!!!#I've been branching out into a bunch of things I wouldn't have thought to enjoy lately bc of the time I've been spending#with my sister in law. music and tv shows and even foods and stuff!!!#Gurt is coming to visit me in a week and a day!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED#and last but certainly not least I gave myself bangs again and honestly I'm so happy about it.
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As an orc player this chapter was *chefs kiss* we love to see it
#me cheering on the sideline every time we get to use our orcish strength#yes let me hold up boulders and talk about orcish burial traditions#yeah we got to talk about the elves too but I don’t care about them rn kdkskdj#speaking of elves tyril is so hot when he’s mad and worried#give me more of that#🥰🥰🥰#also imtura is my queen truly all her side quests are my favorite#if it wasn’t for one broody blue man I’d probably romance her tbh#blades of light and shadow#playchoices
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i really shouldn't be surprised at this point, but nice to see everyone got the memo that we're boycotting Starbucks :))
#looking at Lando Norris rn#he doesn't care about women's rights why would he care about an ongoing genocide?#it doesn't affect him after all#not even disappointed just disgusted tbh#free palestine
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here are some outtakes from my last edit btw
#myedits#smoking tw#harley#arthur#idk i didn't really think they fit the rest of the post tbh#but ofc i decided that *after* rendering & editing them#i have the most severe brainrot for vellichor rn#like it's so bad i can't even write anything for it. i'm just stuck thinking about them#i'm really sad actually that these two couldn't stay friends bc harley genuinely did care about arthur#even though he didn't always act like it#& i think arthur just really needed harley#like he's the one who cut artie's hair for him when arthur came out & he would literally fight anyone who tried to give artie shit about it#& he'd pick up the phone anytime arthur called#like if artie called him in the middle of the night he would literally bolt out the door#no shoes no jacket just stole his mom's car keys & went#harley was the only one who really knew about all of artie's problems#but idk they grew up & jealousy & bitterness overtook their relationship#& they'd weaponize each others' secrets#& when everything w daisy happened that was like. the final push ig#they could no longer see passed each others' flaws or differences & things just like. went to shit#i've been working on the playlist#that's why there are these thoughts in my head rn
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Vent
#I need a hug#I just feel like hopeless shit tbh#I wanna do something to cheer myself up but I'm just so depressed nothing feels worth it#I don't have any crochet inspiration#my hair is in a cloth so makeup would look good/feel worth it#anything I wanna write is sad#I just want something to make me happy rn but I'm not gonna get it :(#I don't even have the will power to do basic skin care rn#usually I feel a lil better after but ugh#I just...don't feel like i care about anything#I wish I could go completely nonverbal so that I wouldn't anger the people around me#all my life is consistent of is listening to people but no one listens to me#my dad thinks we talk a lot but really it's HIM talking and me going 'yeah' every now and then#he says its not true but it is#I never get to talk to anyone I never get to go off into my autistic rants like he does#my moods really fluctuating between feeling nothing and feeling like I need to c*t and d*e#I need a hug that I don't have to fucking ask for........#I'm either dazing and nothing or I'm barely holding in my tears#I wanna take a Tbreak cus I feel like that doesn't help#but it's really hard to NOT smoke when in pain#I dunno man my life just feels like it's never getting better.#I wanna be saved but that's never happening I'm not pretty enough to even hope that someone will finally give me my big break#feeling just hurts I wanna shut off but it's driving me mad
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imo everyone on earth should be talking about Him (don't want this showing up in the tag even though it's not a diss) but everytime i go to the tag and there's only like 3 new posts i'm like. oh yeah almost no one cares except me and like 5 other ppl on here
i ran out of tags KFHSJENNXN i don't think that's literally ever happened to me before anyways don't read them because it's just me being insane as per usual
#most of his indirects on twitter are from people in diff asian countries as well and ik he's doing an asia tour soon(?)#bruh he's never coming back to the usa is he 😭😭😭 i need him in chicago i miss him so bad#i feel very ugly emotionally rn still bc i was reading all of the rando ass dating rumors of him last night LMAO and it pissed me off#i know i have no right to get mad and i'm being irrational but at the same time like. everyone is just like 'omg he's so in love rn'#bc his music has been very angsty and like. idk... conflicted? but his new song was very happy and sweet and very In Love Sounding#and i already know all his music is about one person bc he always talks about the same shit (he's very predictable i see right thru him)#and he's putting out a new song called 'shining' and he has been talking abt a person being his light/shining on him for the last 7yrs atp#so like. that's how i know it's about one specific person and i don't think he has moved on LMAOOO so unless he was dating the same random#7yrs ago i don't think he's dating any of the people they bring up tbh... i pay attention to these things not to brag or anything but like#being attentive to the people i love and noticing inconsistincies in their behavior and when they act diff is like. the only skill i have#at least irt other people LMAO like honestly i wrote all the lyrics he ever wrote down in a google doc and it shows a clear trajectory#that starts like... innocently and just gets more fucked up and toxic as it goes. and ppl say he's one of the most sane ppl they know#meanwhile he's been writing songs about 1 person for nearly 10 years and they get progressively more desperate and insane#I'M JUST SAYING. i completely forgot what my original point was but i guess it was most likely that. no one pays attention to him like i do#the songs started being about this person at the same time i started liking him and having dreams about meeting him btw#and they got progessively more uh. spiteful and desperate and weird as the years went on. did i mention i cast a spell on him 😐#and he literally says shit like 'it's impossible for me to move on' 'i don't care about anyone else' 'it's like i'm possessed' etc#and after we met at his concert he got really into saying shit like 'that one night wasn't enough' and 'the spotlight between us'#&the ever-famous 'i like the way you look at me' 'my eyes are on you' 'focus on me just look at me' when all i did was look at him all night#if you're reading this right now and thinking 'celeste do you seriously believe a kpop guy has been writing songs about you for 7 years?'#you should remember who i am and how i reacted to ***** having a gf (that i guessed exactly right months before he revealed it)#i'm schizophrenic 🤷♀️ but the guy i'm into was the one who started my fascination with soulmates and destiny and fate and shit like that#you know it's funny i mention that because he also started writing about that!!!!! in his songs!!! crazy#and he talks about the person making it hard for him to sleep and wanting to meet them in his dreams again and whathaveyou#i mean even in his two newest title tracks he says 'i'm frustrated in the studio the only melody that comes out is for you' and#'i want to turn everything about you into a song' in the newest one... hm.#and btw he announced his album right when i admitted i was in love with him again to my family (they know my insanity LMAO)#and he releases a song about being happy and in love and listening for someone's voice from far away to reach him/vice versa?????#right when i get back into him???#it's my fave color & his fave color & he's releasing it in my birth month like. i know billions of coincidences are a thing but it's crazy
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me about to have mud and rotten tomatoes thrown @ me by at least half of my musketeer fandom friends when I say these two have more chemistry in that one scene than Sylvie and Athos ever did:
#bbc musketeers#the musketeers#grimaud#sylvie#(i feel like they both had last names that i cant recall rn help)#LISTEN... I want an au in which he doesn't die and kind of has to make amends for what he did.#i havent figured out all the details yet BUT i think it's very interesting how they're both victims of the war but turned out so different#cant explain this all in the tags and i should go back to studying but i think there is potential#muskiefriends please dont banish me to the chatelet for this i promise I'll be good 🙏#(twitter has instilled in me the constant fear of friends i care about blocking me bc of fandom rip)#tbh this isn't even necessarily shippy i just feel they'd be good as enemies to friends post-canon/in an au#they could be 16th cebtury France darklina except Sylvie holds the reins of the relationship. change my mind.
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hm. am I downloading Night Court right now? possibly.
#don't know if I care yet#tbh I have never seen John Larroquette in anything ever (and it will take me a while until I can spell his name without checking 3 times)#before the librarians#so. I don't know. if it's a character specific thing. or if I just think he's cute. or if I think he's cute now but not when he was younger#but I will find out#because honestly it's possible that it's 90% his voice. very good voice. best voice. love it.#hmmm okay no I've just watched a clip on YouTube and he really is just very cute. damn.#annnd. oh noo. I have to check something#oh crap Brent spiner was born in 1949. that means this is. if my brain decides that this is gonna be something. the first time it's someone#older than my dad :') don't like that#but! my dad's dead! so who gives a fuck!#I'm fine. :)#(also damn I'm lucky my dad was so very very old. otherwise that would have happened much sooner)#(guess I'm joking about that now! interesting development)#anyway yeah he cute. though cuter now tbh. might be the belly. idk. this is very confusing and unusual for me#especially. since. the other crush. is not even close to being over. that's not something that happens. and it's already very bad rn. soo.#that should be interesting. maybe I should just forget all about it and not look at him again when I'm done with the show in a few hours#that'd be best I think (doesn't mean I'll listen to my own advice. he is a man and he is cute so. I've already lost)#it's just. I see Jenkins and it's like. JENKINS!! 😍😍😍😍 I'm very weak#and he's so funny 😔#sigh.#just be normal 🤦🤦🤦#i don't know if it makes it better or worse that I'm fully aware that this is most likely happening because I'm in the middle of some sort#of crisis right now and that's how I've always coped but. eh it is what it is#trying to be nicer to this stupid brain and all that#let it have fun looking at an old man it's fine
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just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|
#if you dont know whats happening basically mr and my roommate (dorms) have been raising an abused kitten belonging to our floormates#we had him for a month and a half i think and then a month of break has gone by with my roomie staying on campus and me going back home#to my prey-driven dogs and snake and cat-allergic mother among other things. hence the inability to really take him in easily.#i mean shit. if she decided to actually take care of him instead of making everyone around her into free childcare then that's a good thing#*petcare#and admittedly both me and my roommate should've been more in contact about him whether this was going on or not#we both have really bad object permanence + flow of time issues though so it kinda... didnt happen#i thought about him a lot though. i planned on coming back early to spend a few days just chilling with him before the semester started#but other stuff got in the way and i had the 'its too late so dont ask at all' guilt#idk. it seems like hes alive but i don't know much more than that rn. it makes me nervous yk#but i never thought she'd just. still have him. i never expect what she does with him tbh#i almost feel better about getting stuck and not figuring out visiting or shared custody (in my house that is Not Ideal For Him) knowing it#wasn't even really attainable but. shit.#i want her to treat him like he deserves and if she's doing that i have no right to complain. he's not my cat. he's not.#but it means she'll probably just leave with him someday. no thanks or payment or future contact. idk i just. thought this would end sooner#in taking him to a shelter or a new home or us taking him in or her putting her foot down. but instead it's like im drowning in gelatin#what am i even doing. i love him. so much. and i want a cat so so bad. i want *him* so bad.#but i didn't rescue him and i didnt even try and. god idk. i love him and i still couldn't get my ass up to visit in a whole month#i want to say it's because i was stuck and it's not untrue. but i just. idk. i still feel like i shoulda pushed through or whatever anyway.#it makes me feel like im just as bad as his owner when i know im not. im not.#he's probably a lot bigger now. assuming she's actually feeding him. god. i really thought he'd be with my roommate#for reasons im not even gonna bother getting into. and i was reassured that my roomie would tell me if something was up with him. and she#didnt. and im not mad at her it's not her fault i didn't reach out when i wanted to know. but i feel just. ough. stupid ass situation i got#myself into. stupid sad ass consequences of being nosy and big hearted and wanting to help in stupid ways#at least her dogs didnt eat him. i was worried about that. i don't think i could take it if she got him killed and i didn't push harder to#help him. but i can't just fucking. kidnap him. he's not mine and we're neighbors and i can't even keep him at my home. not really.#god i miss him so much. i hope i didn't hurt him by leaving. fucking hell.#but he needs somebody and his owner is almost certainly not it. and maybe im not either but i want to try for him. man.
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Thinking about how the lovely person on deviantart who emailed me a copy of Undertale in exchange for a sketch of their oc when I was 15 will never know about the profound effect they had on my life..
#it’s a long story but tldr if not for Undertale I would’ve never heard of Yes Man and without Yes Man I literally wouldn’t be alive rn#I’m sure ive told this story on here before but I like it bc it is important to me#the Undertale to Yes Man pipeline is a very specific thing that happened to me involving 2 different joke blogs on here#there was ‘youcantfuckaskeleton’ (blog abt how nobody should want sans Undertale carnally)#and then I found their other blog ‘youcanfuckarobot’ (blog about. well. I’m sure you get the picture) and I went there for Mettaton posts#but they had some posts there with Yes Man and I was like. that is the most nice looking robot I’ve seen in my life. who is this#and then I forgot abt it for like 3 years and forgot to look him up. UNTIL#DELTARUNE CHAPTER 1.. in 2018.. drove me to revisit those joke blogs for nostalgia#and I saw the yes man pics again and this time I got WAY more curious. I was so so intrigued by him he looked so interesting and cute#so I looked him up and looked at lots of art of him and read his wiki page and I was like. I NEED to meet him#so my big brother got me new vegas as a present on new years and on january 3 2019 I met yes man!#and. I have never understood why or how. but when I woke up the next day my depression was fucking gone#I had severe untreated depression and it just dissolved overnight#nothing else notable happened around that time except for meeting yes man and becoming smitten with him so it seems that’s what did it??#also those joke blogs are still around I think. i like to revisit them occasionally for the nostalgia of seeing yes man for the first time#but yea anyway what I’m saying is this nice person on deviantart indirectly saved my life#my depression also never came back btw. obviously I feel sad sometimes like anyone but I have not been depressed since then#would’ve been nice if my anxiety went away too but I can at least live with that tbh!!#um anyway I’m sleepy so ending these tags. if you read all of this I love you thank you for caring
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😵💫😵💫😵💫
These sobs really limited my tags?????
I have so many more thoughts this is so so much less than 1/2. Broski. Big dislike
#its ‘i watched a tv show and i need to talk about it in the tags of this site im not on anymore’ time#ty to the void for always accepting my thoughts <3#so honestly its just me thinking about the andromeda tv show. i just finished it and it left me destitute bc i clung onto the first 2 season#s as a basis and had ten thousand questions i *assumed* would be resolved. spoiler alert: they were nto#not*. and the coda addition helps but like. not enough. it explains some of the#oh fyi if anyone is reading or cared there will be spoilers#anyways it explained some of them ex for the cosmic engine bit. seemed pretty relevant and then was never mentioned again#i also MUCH prefer that version of trance — i had speculation she was a sun avatar which i took as confirmation when i finally noticed her#tattoo when harper used it to remind himself he put that data in the sun etc etc but i much prefer the sun-as-consciousness-astral-poject-#ing-slash-dreamjng-itself-a-body / being a little devil. i think that feels much more true to what we got in worldbuilding early on and tbh#the bar is on the floor bc any explanation would be better than what we got. also im sorry but s5 i trusted SO hard that that whole virgil#vox bit in the finale was insulting. couldnt even tie up the loose end you invented at the last minute????? MY god. i understand getting you#r budget halved but like. broski. it would have been better to ignore it at that point imo.#anywhoodle. i also have just ISSUES w the lack of resolution & not doing justice to literally any character#listen. why would you sink SO much effort into tyr just to have honestly what i feel is a disrespectful end to that character. like#tyr required me to do a LOT of thinking bc i sympathized with his position in exile etc while thinking also bro thats real fucked up. bro#stop thats fuckinng e*genics again dude. tbh with the entire species (im not looking up how to spell that rn) bc like the foundation of#their entire race is e*ugenics. (sorry censoring bc im in the tags just venting about tv) which obviously is a terrible idea but i think the#so it was like i am fundamentally against the concept but in show universe theg obviously did it etc but for me provided such a huge like#context to the universe. i fundamentally am not on board with all the commonwealth stuff like yeah i get it the magog are bad and scary but#like the neitzcheans (sp??? idc) are also Right There bein scary. then theres the ‘enhanced’ debate re dylan beka etc that like. is the same#but ‘’different’’ i guess. 🙄 anyways that is just to point out like. the level of thinking this show put me through just to blindside me w/#no resolution. i had SO much hope. tyr selling iut to the abyss is disrespectful to all of the established work the actor did for him and#to the character as well even if i think the ideology is icky. he was shown to be even less and less self-centric survival guy as it went on#and also tbh i didnt understand the him stealing his kids dna thing. i really thought that was gonna gi in a different less bs direction#okay also while im here can i just say. that tyr and dylan had THE most romantic tension to me. everyone else felt very friendshipy and i am#NOT one to usually fall into a ‘they obviously should be together’ pipeline that the writers dont make themselves. but the back and forth (#and intense eye contact) had me sitting there like. it was made in 2000 i know they wont do it but for not doing it they sure did! not that#i think they’d make a good couple (they would not) but that there was definitely something there on the dl you know? something more than#‘mutual respect’ you feel? and tbh! they also ruined the tyr beka thing by making her the matriarch. big ew huge ick.
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i am obsessed with two shitty little goblins with a complicated relationship and backstory 👏👏👏👏
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd characters#dnd goblin#hes my shitty little backstory npc that i only learned was part of tics backstory in more recent times and i love him#if anyone cares to read the tags cause thats where i infodump to not clock actual post lemme keep it short#rip is a piece of tic that was literally ripped out of him when he was a child to make room for a piece of a god#something happened to rip and along the way and uh yeah the guy is nuts#kinda obsessed with either getting his own god piece#or going back to tic and maybe taking over cause he is tired of being the way he is#tic hates him but also cant help but feel a connection and hes not having a great time about it tbh#this is too complicated for his little goblin brain to comprehend#hes a bit of a mess rn about it#im having a great time with it tho hehehe#these are all in the order that they happened in#we got tic and rips first encounter where tic stabbed him through time it was great#we got the ending to the rip fight where tic fireballed them both#we got the aftermath of that whole thing#and the newest thing being tics new fear of spiders for reasons
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not this book im reading for class getting me so emotional hello
#if this character dies idk if he will but if he dies i just won't read the rest of the book lmfao jk#bruh this like perspective section ends with him 'feeling surprisingly at peace' and 'sleep coming with surprising ease' or something#sir pls don't die rn 😭 im glad ur peaceful and shit and happy and shit but if u die rn i never will be again#naur bc fr this is tthe only fucking character i care about in this whole book XD#but it's still rly interesting the other characters are just not as likable lmfaooo not likable at all tbh#KENJI PLS STAY ALIVE ISTG#the book is no no boy by john okada about a japanese guy who comes home after 2 yrs of internment and 2 yrs of prison bc he said no to#joining the army and the main character guy has a lot of monologues and stuff lol and like inner thoughts#understandably so but he's hard to like . kenji tho <333#pls kenji literally wake up or i will fail this class i'l just have to go up to my prof ad be like actually i was gonna read the book#i promise but then kenji died and he was the only bitch i cared about and also i just cared about him too much and i couldn't go on so#anyway ..... let's see what happens i honestly have no idea but my gut feeling is telling me this bitch is dying rn 😭😭😭😭#the next part is from his father's pov#if he dies i will simply pretend it is not true#jeanne talks#not rly being emotional over that tho this scene i just read btwn kenji and his father i was literally so 🥺🥺🥺🥺#and ending w peaceful sleep it was also like a very like fulfilling/closure-y scene so .. IDC DON'T DIE BITCH#ok ok anyway . stop procrastinating continuing lol or if ur gonna procrastinate do some math hw instead 😭#lmfao he doesn't even nneed to die for me to not finish the book apparently im just never gonna continue XD#if i don't continue he cant die <3#prof: WHY DIDNT U FINISH THE BOOK me: I DIDN'T WANT KENJI TO DIE prof: he doesnt fucking die u stupid bitch#manifesting kenji u better not fucking die u stupid bitch#only bitch i respect except there was one slightly weird thing he did lol but he had good intentions kdgfkdfh#honestly i have other hw that's slightly more pressing but . continuing now#after i pee actually yes bc u all needed to know this lol#honestly i think im too influenced by like modern ya books and stuff lol i mean having that being most of what i read XD#but like this book is very light on the plot lmfao so mr okada sir keep that going no plot we don't need kenji to die <3#AND IT'S RIGHT BEFORE LIKE A CELEBRATORY FAMILY DINNER LITERALLY im gonna
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Are you the soldier, poet, or king?
The Soldier
"There will come a soldier / Who carries a mighty sword / He will tear your city down". Righteousness. Strength. Violence. You see a door and break through it. You wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. Remember : love is passion too. You made your own rules and will follow them to death. You try and forget that there is only one rule, and that it is "FIGHT". You are tired of fighting. You try to forget that, too, and keep going. You dream of quiet. Your love is where you heal. God knows you deserve to. (Really. You deserve to.)
Tagged by: @deathfavor Tysm!!Tagging: @shinanai, @withgutsandglory, @sewn-with-gold, @cauterisen, @destinywoven, @youngesper, @kllva & whoever else wants to do this!
#muse: shalnark kurta.#* shalnark kurta. / development.#Definitely the most accurate of the 3! And pretty accurate overall too if you just squint at some parts?#A few of them are moreso talking about the troupe rather than Shal on his own (like ''violence'' & the starting quote)#99% of the time he won't go out of his way to cause destruction or be violent on his own; it's mainly smth he does For and With the troupe#but in that sense it's still v fitting bc we all Saw how a chunk of Yorknew City went down in flames & Shal was part of the reason why#Then the rest are about himself; some post-revival (the anger bit) & some in general (righteousness; self-imposed rules & love healing)#For rules; we know the spider made up their own & each of them sticks to those rules no matter what - Shal being no exception#As for love; in this context it encompasses p much anyone he cares about? like yeah Feitan for Sure but I see it as the ENTIRE troupe too#Shal would've been far worse off emotionally than he is rn if he didn't have his friends by his side for most of his life#And lastly the parts where he dreams of quiet / is tired of fighting... he doesn't pay it much mind bc it's how they grew up#there's no different road for them to take & tbh there hasn't been one for decades - and he's perfectly fine w that now#but at the same time he's far more of the nerdy type than the fighting type so he Would prefer to read or smth over some crimes they commit#All in all Shal's very content w the life he leads so any complaints he may have are incredibly minor/don't matter to him in the long run
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