#all of her decisions are deeply rooted in her fear of abandonment

[demigods-posts]

while the stables scene is a great example of percabeth's growth as a couple, particularly regarding their switch of roles in who plans for their future. an even better example is when they first told the other they loved them. annabeth, who is a well-respected strategist due to how well she can plan for the future, tells him as quickly as possible before something or someone could take him away from her again. she seized the first opportunity she had free of plan. percy, on the other hand, who is known for his impulsiveness and reckless planning, tells her two books later. not because he wasn't head over heels the entire hoo series. but because he was planning for the right moment. he wanted to wait until he could give her permanence and stability on a silver platter because he knows how much it means to her.

[bestworstcase]

Tbh I can only imagine the rage Salem might feel on Oz's behalf once she finds out Light manipulated and trapped him into the task Light gave him, and that he has no choice in coming back (assuming she doesn't know that it isn't his choice). I think finding out he's essentially been trapped in a prison (the prison being the fucked up cycle of life/death/rebirth and the Mandate) this entire time would give her extra incentive to, presumably (if that's her goal), overthrow the tyrants that are the gods.

And honestly I think that would really show Oz that yes, Salem does still love him and care about him (quietly slides over Would You Fall In Love With Me Again from EPIC the Musical). Ugh I just want them to make uppp they mean everything to me. I need that reconciliation arc sm. And sighs. Salem saving Ozma from his metaphorical tower like how Ozma saved Salem from hers :( i want them to at least be friends again. There's sm they have to talk about and make up for

in all honesty i think her immediate reaction is more likely to be anguished guilt than fury, because the god of light deftlymanipulated her into acting as the lock on ozma's cage. it's been evident since 6.3 that salem already feels an immense burden of self-blame and guilt and in v8 we see, with cinder, salem turn on a dime while articulating a very precise and accurate understanding of why cinder acted as she did in response to the way salem treated her.

(and i do also think ozma's view that salem is at least partially responsible for what the brothers did to her and to the world may be, ultimately, because she told the story that way: if salem really did hesitate to tell him parts of it at first because she feared ozma would reject her, then it follows she felt ashamed and guilty, and feeling that way would undoubtedly color her account.) 

and in 6.4, the one time in the present we've ever seen salem truly lose her temper, what happens? she sends everyone else out of the room and self-harms. the windows shatter inward—the scene cuts away before we see salem get ripped apart by broken glass, but that is what she's doing. that unbearable uncontrollable rage is for herself. 

so how will she feel when she learns that all this time she spent believing that ozma  cynically took advantage of her trust and love to manipulate her into serving her tormentor, that he willingly bent the knee to tyrannical monsters and never wavered from his obedience—how will she feel when she finds out that actually, all that time, ozma was being tortured and forcibly twisted into an unwilling pawn by a curse he was tricked into accepting?

like. 

look at what she did to herself when she realized her decision to abandon cinder meant leaving cinder to infiltrate atlas and recover the lamp from oz all by herself, with no support, mere weeks after cinder nearly died at haven. and that was harm of a much smaller scale, spanning just a couple weeks. salem fled into exile after that horrible fight and left ozma to suffer alone in a state of inescapable torment for thousands of years. 

i think she's going to be devastated and furious with herself first, and she'll have to navigate that before she can reach being enraged at the god of light for ozma's sake. but yeah once she's had that time to process her hatred of the brothers and conviction that they must be cast down will only deepen. 

for ozma it's far more important that he sees the anguish and grief and guilt clearly. he already knows her rage. he knows she hates the brothers and why. salem is a deeply emotional character but her affect is blunted and notably in the narration of the lost fable, spite and anger at the gods are the only emotions jinn ever describes salem feeling—everything else we see salem feeling in that episode is framed as a manipulative lie, because ozma is terrified that her spiteful anger at the gods might have been the only thing that was real. 

and again i think this is a misconception rooted in the way salem presented herself because in both the kitchen scene and even more so in their last conversation, salem keeps what she wants and what shefeels very tightly locked down. from the instant ozma suggested that he wanted more than their cozy little life in her cabin, salem was one hundred percent focused on giving him what he said he wanted. literally, "whatever we want—what you want!"

salem fearing ozma would reject her didn't begin and end with just flinching before she plucked up the courage to tell him of her rebellion. it also encompassed what she wanted, if he wanted something else, and anything she felt that she feared might upset him. even when he told her the whole truth, she crushed down her own feelings and quoted from a myth—spoke in his language—and tried to reach out to somehow find a compromise because even then she was putting him and what he wanted so far above herself that she couldn't even bring herself to admit that she felt hurt. 

fundamentally what ozma needs is to see her pain, her grief, without any restraint—not just for her sake but also for his own. anger is what he expects. it's the only thing he expects. and i think a lot of the resentment he feels toward salem in the present comes from a place of believing on some level that he's just her excuse for being angry at the gods because he feels so much doubt that she truly loved him. 

which is where the maiden-in-tower allusion becomes salient; when the prince is blinded his sight is healed by her tears. ozma won't be able to see her clearly until he sees her sorrow.

[bardic-tales]

I come bearing asks!

6: What was your oc’s relationship with their parents like? If they didn’t have any parents/didn’t know them, who in their life was the closest to a parent to them?

7: Does your oc have any allergies, intolerances, or other sensitivities? How dangerous is it? Does this affect their daily life in any way?

Hello, Sea. Thanks so much for the gift of asks. lol. I hope you are having a wonderful day.

I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself. -- Bianca Moore

For these series of questions, I am going to answer this for Bianca Moore, the protagonist of Fantasy World Collide, a fusion project that blends fandom with original content.

Content Warning: abuse, childhood trauma, cults, death (including the death of a loved one), emotional manipulation and neglect, grief, kidnapping, psychological abuse and manipulation, self-harm, torture, trauma, trauma bonding, and graphic violence

What was your oc’s relationship with their parents like? If they didn’t have any parents/didn’t know them, who in their life was the closest to a parent to them?

Bianca's relationship with Seraphine was once a source of comfort, a guiding voice within her mind that served as her moral compass. As a child, she would confide in Seraphine, treating her presence like an imaginary friend who reassured her during moments of fear and loneliness. Seraphine embodied warmth, wisdom, and unwavering faith, encouraging Bianca to embrace the light within her despite the darkness that loomed over her existence.

However, as Bianca's life spiraled into chaos and her celestial heritage was suppressed by the experiments of Hojo and Ravenscroft, and the influence of Jenova, Seraphine’s voice grew weaker. What was once an unwavering presence became a distant whisper, then an unbearable silence, as Jenova took her form and twisted her influence. The loving, guiding force that had once urged Bianca toward hope and redemption was distorted into a mockery, twisting Bianca’s deepest desires into something insidious.

Asmodeus, Bianca's true father, was an ever-present specter in her life, a figure of terror that haunted her dreams and, eventually, her reality. She never knew him in the way a child knows a father. There were no words of encouragement, no gentle hands. There was only the looming knowledge that he was out there, waiting. His influence manifested through the cult devoted to him, its members relentless in their pursuit to return her to him.

When they finally succeeded, when Asmodeus himself laid hands on her, he did not treat her as a daughter but as a possession. His cruelty was beyond physical. His words dripped with venom, reminding Bianca that she was his creation, that her resistance was futile, and that she was always destined to return to him. No matter how far she ran. The moment he skinned her alive, he stripped away the last remnants of the child who once believed she could escape him. From then on, Bianca trained to harness and embraced the celestial and demonic powers he had awakened in her, as Bianca knew that he would pop up in her life again. But her hatred for him never wavered.

David was the only father Bianca had ever truly known, and despite his reserved nature, she loved him deeply. He was never cruel, never unkind, but after Sarah’s death, something in him changed. He never once blamed Bianca outright, never spoke the words that she feared most, but in his silence, in the way he withdrew, she felt the accusation all the same. The warmth he once showed her became distant. His focus shifting from nurturing her to ensuring her survival.

Every decision he made after Sarah’s death was rooted in necessity. It was about keeping her safe, but in doing so, he unknowingly instilled in Bianca the belief that love was conditional, that if she was too much—too dangerous, too monstrous—she would be abandoned.

Despite this, she never resented him. She understood his grief, his quiet suffering, even as she yearned for the father he had once been. And when she finally left his side, disappearing with disappearing with Mordecai Delacroix and into the world to forge her own path, she did not seek him out again. It was not because she did not love him, but because she could not bear to see disappointment in his eyes. She also never sought him out, as she was desperately fearful that Asmodeus would take him away, too. With David, she would rather him be in the world than not.

Sarah was Bianca’s light, the one person who had loved her unconditionally, without fear or hesitation. Even after Bianca’s night terrors, even after she hurt her in a fit of confusion and fear, Sarah never turned away from her. She believed in Bianca, in the goodness within her, even when others doubted it.

Her love was fierce but quiet, expressed in soft words and gentle touches, in lullabies whispered through a locked door, in prayers said over Bianca’s trembling form. To Bianca, Sarah had been an angel long before she learned the truth of her origins. Her death shattered something in her that could never be repaired. The warmth of their home and the security of Sarah’s embrace? It was all gone in an instant, consumed by fire and blood. Even as Bianca grew older, as she embraced the darkness within her and her relationship with Sephiroth, Sarah remained a ghost in her mind. She became a reminder of what Bianca had lost. She did not speak to her as she once did with Seraphine, but in moments of vulnerability, she could almost feel Sarah’s touch and hear her voice telling her she was still loved.

Does your oc have any allergies, intolerances, or other sensitivities? How dangerous is it? Does this affect their daily life in any way?

I answered this question here.

From the ‘OC Development Question’ ask game here

Tagging some fellow mutuals: @themaradwrites @whatwedointhecraft @megandaisy9 @watermeezer

@prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen @chickensarentcheap @seastarblue

@inkandimpressions

[fieryskies]

Showing up with Starbucks way too late for this discussion, but I never understood why people are shocked by Catra not running away with Adora in the 2nd Episode

I'd say there are 3 main factors for her decision:

I. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE ANGEL YOU DON'T

What I mean by this is that, yes, Catra knows the Horde's real face. It's a horrible place that subjugates its own people and anyone beyond its borders. Yet, it is familiar. It is Catra's whole life.

The Princess Kingdoms could be safer, nicer to her, but that is not a guarantee and rushing into something unknown is scary. And she has not been raised to hold the sort of moral backbone Adora has for it to be a decisive factor in her choices.

II. CLIMBING THE RANKS TO THE TOP

From an early age, Catra had the label of "scapegoat" slapped onto her forehead by Shadow Weaver. Because of this and Adora's natural aptitude towards fighting and leadership, she's always felt like a 2nd fiddle.

She often tries to act cool and in control, but is much more dependent on external validation that she wants to be - Horde validation in particular, Shadow Weaver's most of all.

Catra'd always assumed she and Adora would rise in the hierarchy until the day she commands enough respect to mean something, to show Shadow Weaver it was wrong to underestimate her.

Adora might decide she's above that and can find something better. Catra is not ready to abandon her ambitions, which leads me to my final point-

III. YOU PROMISED

Safe to say that through the giant world-wide miscommunication the girls undergo through the show, one constant aspect is Catra's belief that she's been abandoned by Adora.

The sentiment is deeply rooted in their past, in all the times Shadow Weaver tossed Catra aside, claiming Adora would outgrow her one day.

So, when Adora runs off one day and turns up ready to get chummy with the enemy, it basically confirms all of Catra's fears. She doesn't know Adora's been caught up with a whole identity crisis. Can't undertand the guilt she's experiencing for aiding the harm brought to innocents.

The only thing she sees is that Adora disappeared, didn't return and saw Catra as an afterthought, offering her hand to Catra once she was finally in the line of vision again.

She just...wasn't worth the effort.

[cloneloverrrrr]

Thanks to my lovely @lune-de-miel-au-paradis I thought I would do a deep dive of my OC Crystal Lontac. Here you will find more about her & her character. I will probably do more of these going forward as I find them an interesting way for you all to get to know her more ☺️

Collage made by me on Canva & photos from Pinterest✨

Deep Dive OC Crystal Lontac

have they / would they dye their hair? Crystals hair is jet black. She wouldn’t change it as she likes to keep it dark. The darkness brings out the shine in her bright blue eyes.

do they maintain eye contact when talking? Yes she does.

what is their tell for lying? Her face stays straight but she clears her throat slightly before telling a lie.

do they have an accent? Not really but sometimes when speaking to her father certain words will have a hint of Mando'a.

what languages do they speak? Mando'a and basic.

what kind of music do they listen to? Heavy metal, thrash metal , metal core , rock anything heavy even though her character does not look like the type.

describe them in one word. What could happen to make them the opposite? Kind. Betrayal / loss.

do they have any ghosts? Yes she does, when she lost her mother there was a lot going on & sadly she wasn’t there. It’s haunted her since.

what is their worst fear? Being abandoned by the ones she loves.

what is a secret they do not tell anyone? Further information regarding her mothers death. She still has not told Wolffe not even her best friend. Only her father knows.

what motto do they live by? Every day is a second chance- something she tries to live by since her mothers death.

if they were a famous figure, who would they be?

.Florence Nightingale- due to her care for the clones and fighting for their rights

.Hedy Lamarr - making a name for herself within the senate and going from strength to strength in her role

personality? Crystals personality was very much shaped by her mothers death and the guilt she still feels. Before this she was a little selfish- very much loved her family and friends but was careless at times. Now she is very level headed has grown up quickly and is kind, cares deeply for her loved ones and would sacrifice herself for the ones she loves.

what great moment shaped them to be who they are? Have they lived through the moment yet? 

.Her mothers death

.Falling in love with Wolffe and accepting his love for her

.The issues when that happened when Wolffes chip was set off too early , the death of her friend Hardcase

.Falling pregnant and understanding she is now responsible for not only her life but the one growing inside of her

what is their fatal flaw? Bad decisions being made when she feels lack of trust, sometimes cutting her nose off to spite her face.

how do they feel about jewelry? painted nails? Crystal wears a lot of headpieces and likes big chokers encrusted with jewels and dainty small necklaces with a delicate chain, sometimes she wears many rings on each fingers. Her nails are always square & short either natural baby pink or nude or micro French tip.

what kind of art are they? Slight BAUHAUS as a hobby, Classicism as a style, Romanticism as paintings, Futurism as sculptures and maybe slight Expressionism as films or books.

do they play a sport? Not her thing in the slightest but used to play ballgames when she was younger on Alderaan.

do they have a speech impairment? how would that translate across paper? None she is extremely well spoken and very intelligent.

what could you do to betray their trust? Lies. It always boils down to a liar to break her trust.

what makes them smile? Wolffe. Little things like acts of kindness, seeing loved ones, looking after animals she loves animals, sun rises and sunsets especially on Alderaan.

If you had to choose something to make them go all john wick, who would it be? Loved ones being hurt.

do they swear? in what language? Crystal tends not to curse but if she does it will be in Mando’a as per her fathers roots. She will sometimes curse in basic.

how comfortable do they feel around strangers? She is very comfortable around anyone.

are they extraverted or introverted? Abit of both but more extraverted.

do they stand straight? what is their posture like? Crystal stands very straight as she is only 5”5 she uses her strong posture to attempt to make her taller.

what is their sleep schedule like? Not long after her mother died she hardly slept and since being with Wolffe her sleep patterns have improved immensely.

would they consciously invade someone else's body space? even a stranger's? Crystal holds the acceptable distance, she only gets closer with Wolffe.

how do they feel about contact with other people? do they flinch? Crystal is quite a touchy person when it comes to Wolffe and her family / friends. However this will change come part 2 of chapter 9 she will be nervous around others and will flinch at any sort of contact- even from Wolffe.

are they the first to hug? Depends on the situation. But yes when it comes to Wolffe.

what would make them kill / stop them from killing? Her morals. She won’t harm anyone it’s not in her nature but if push comes to shove and it’s for her loved ones, this would cross her mind.

how do they smile? do they have dimples? Crystal smiles with her eyes as her own smile is not very wide. She has no dimples.

what about their teeth -- braces? sharp teeth? dentures? yellow teeth? what about spots? Crystals teeth are straight and white.

how do they get others' attention? clear their throat? punch them? A small clearing of the throat. She might playfully punch Wolffe in the arm if she really wants his attention lol.

do they talk with their hands? Yes quite often especially in the senate.

what is their final goal? To be fully happy and to let go of the guilt she carries regarding her mother.

how would they describe happiness? A warm content feeling deep inside when she’s with Wolffe or loved ones. I don’t think she will find this until the birth of child.

what is their biggest conflict? That her mothers death was not her fault and she isn’t hated by not being there.

how do they react to death? Isolates herself, can stay quiet or can go off the rails.

do they cry? how do they cry ? One of two ways. She will either cry quietly let one or two tears roll down her cheek or she will sob loudly and scream out her pain.

how do they react when someone else is crying? can they comfort a stranger? Her words can be calm, a kind hand upon the shoulder and if she is close to the person she will hold them.

how are they around pets? are they allergic to any? Crystal loves all animals she had tooka cats when she was younger and would love another, she just has to persuade Wolffe as he doesn’t seem to be a huge fan.

following up, do they have allergies? Yes to pollens and animals but still loves them, she takes antihistamine meds to help with this.

do they take off their shoes going into a stranger's house? would they offer to do the dishes? Yes and yes. She was brought up with very good manners.

do they call strangers by their first name or title? Both it depends on the situation.

how do they show fear? trying to hide it? shaking? etc. Sometimes it shows in her eyes or you can hear it in her voice. Her body trembles sometimes.

what is their impact on other characters? She has a very big impact, maybe due to her kind nature and soft heart every person she comes into contact with leaves happy and smiling. Her eyes and smile capture them and her personality keeps them around.

how could any of these change by the end of the story? By the end of part 2 of chapter 9 we will see become very nervous , scared to be touched even by Wolffe, she will not be as friendly and close in on herself but I don’t want to reveal too much.

[dollypardonne]

c'est supposé être un fauve

the office text and the conversation that came after kept chaeyeon mulling over for days to come. she was as deeply rooted as shaken, as she was on the day that the dreary little surprise had slipped through the lips of her love. she remembered looking in vague pain all around the top of the room, drawing her breath two or three times over as if with difficulty, that she might have been standing at the bottom of the sea and raising her eyes to some faint green twilight. the question was weighed, but in a manner quite detached and almost helpless. she remembered smiling at sumin in the desolation of her own surrender so complete that she'd floated into clearness. or was it a darkness so obscure and appallingly alarming that it looked innocent on the surface, making it almost disarming. chaeyeon's real thoughts was kept not from a failure of frankness, but because there were fears on every side. for someone seemingly so stoic, deep into the pits of her hardihood were complex and overwhelming emotions. it all just happened to hide behind the grit and guts everyone identified her with.

for months leading up to years, she had been haunted by the shadow of something she hadn't quite figured out yet or, rather, admitted to herself. she couldn't put into words what would be a credible picture of her state of mind. it's just that— well, what usually got her out of this slump was an extraordinary flight of heroism. evidently, from these ponderings to even come about, that hasn't been demanded of her for a formidable stretch of time now. in turn she's allowed herself to squirm in a pool of denial—whether subconsciously or the other—that she was fulfilled in this arrangement. this one between her and her long time paramour. but she could, at the very least, confront the fact that sumin is conspicuously independent, or perhaps out of reach even. in ways, it was chaeyeon's intention to keep that as it is, against her heart's wishes. she knew all too well the sinister manners that cruel occurrences sneak into her life once she abandons this rigid control.

it was difficult, nevertheless. even the people that existed in the background very sparsely decorated her life to look like what it was anymore, what it used to be. it's all been a tangle of strings, with none of them truly being attached. this dangling array was but a humdrum, one that rotted her brain into compulsive career decisions; though not necessarily a change, but more of an addition to the solitary profession that was chosen for her as a child that she couldn't exactly quit whenever she wished. not even faking a death could do it, and again it was hardly an option as she took on one of her first sorry conditions of futile heroism; that is, her vow to save the little legacies of her orphanic misfortunes, who were aware and united in the cause. chaeyeon has people—kids, the most bereaved and loveable creatures of the world—waiting and counting on her. at this point, it was a promise only her passing, whether fabricated or authentic, could break. she wasn't going to let that happen if it can be helped.

to cut to the chase, being surrounded by body-destructive vices made her thrive and there was nothing more dramatic, chaotic, and sex-filled than a venture into being in a band of intermediate fame. the kind that was popular enough for photographers to approach and cool enough for groupies to form around: underground. talent didn't really matter too much in this equation (though she was very much musically inclined and gifted), and chaeyeon, despite being the cretin that she was, if nothing else, was categorically handsome and charming. it doesn't take her long to have people gathering around her, all vying for a smidge of her attention. but amid these elements, no one and nothing would attract her more than someone who knew how to keep their mystery.

and arrested her attention was when a figure so anomalous struck her sights in the middle of the crowd. her bandmate teased her on the way off the stage about the sudden behaviour. it was evident that she had found herself a bounden slave over a stranger, who notably kept her gaze throughout the set. for several days ensuing, the beauty from the audience of that night was never to be seen again. none of her peers seemed to possess any recollection of the person either, not even the friend who had pointed it out. chaeyeon could only blame it on the hectic and stressful days in and outs that came with playing. she let it go for that reason, and it was nothing more than a phantom since this internal affirmation. though, with hesitation, she admitted that much of the peculiar gloom which has afflicted her could be traced to this origin. perhaps sumin had noticed it as well. chaeyeon was much too fixated to notice anything else, but tight lipped enough to never strike up a conversation about that moment. she was busied in earnest endeavours, intended to alleviate this melancholy of hers.

-

a sensation oppressed her, the deadening of the mind and the senses, then her eyes shut in one unceasing radiation of gloom. she hadn't realised becoming unconscious but once she awoke, there was just this immensely long tunnel. she sat up, knowing in the pit of her stomach that the journey couldn't be accounted for and especially once she gave her surroundings a good look-around. the light at the end seemed artificial as well, and the more she squinted at it the more noises started to creep closer until they had swallowed her. for that split of a second, she had become transported to the same moment. that same night, like some groundhog day effect. her instinct this time was to drop her bass guitar in the middle of their performance, emitting a loud bang and a feedback to boot, and making the audience halt in their rambunctious dancing and twitching. chaeyeon had every intent on confronting this specter plaguing her everyday, weaving through the crowd until the enshrouded figure, wildly singular in its terror and beauty, was in close proximity. an eerie silence enveloped the two and instead of words exchanged, it was only stares.

chaeyeon could see this person's mouth open, very slow in its movement and when the chatters coming out became audible, it was nothing but static and feedback.

"dude, you good?" asked the vocalist, drawing the soundcheck to a stand, and it was as if she had been snapped out of a solitude she had so long endured. she even recognised their presence as a relief, and it showed on her features.

"y— yeah, my bad," she responded. "we can take a break if you need it." chaeyeon could feel the bitterness in these words, even if not planned, but she struggled to reason off her inattention without sounding insane, thus leaving things as it is. "i'll go have a smoke."

she made a swift exit, grabbing her double breasted leather coat and picking out a pack from its pocket on her way out of the non-functioning emergency exit. as she pulled a stick with her teeth, filtered end between her lips, and rummages through every other pocket for her lighter to no avail.

"shit." she spit out, the cigarette muffling the word that came out of her mouth.

she became quickly distracted from her smoking mishap when a cat with a black coat so sleek and shiny happened to peek through the corner of the alley. chaeyeon thought back to her missing cat, who either died from a street accident or something worse; like being unable to size up to a real feral cat, from having been primarily domesticated and pampered, and losing the fight as a result. chaeyeon's first instinct was to approach this cat. once close enough, she lowered herself to its level and offered the back of her hand, laid languidly as to make sure she didn't seem like a threat. but unsurprisingly, the cat bolted out of sight. patience, she thought to herself. you suck at having it. her agitated mind sputtered out. she lifted herself off the ground, peering solemnly where she suspected the cat ran off to only to find the person who had imprisoned her curiosity.

"it's you!" chaeyeon stood still where she had stopped. "me?" the stranger responded, finding hilarity in chaeyeon's unsually forward attitude. "am i supposed to know you?" "i don't know, maybe? i'm just part of the band you probably came to see. no big deal." she cried out sarcastically. the stranger could only scoff in answer. "you need this?" a lighter had been flung out after a pause, to which chaeyeon would be completely nonplussed. an irrepressible tremor gradually pervaded her frame, but only until the other pointed at her mouth. "oh." "oh." a nervous laughter burst out of her. "right, right." her hand made this continuous circular motion on her chest, as if to soothe herself from the self-inflicted superstitious paranoia. "forgot about that." "well, see you around." before chaeyeon could even say anything back sans the abrupt 'wait' that instinctively shot out of her lips, making her cigarette fall down onto the wet pavement, the stranger had disappeared into the fog of the winter night.

"fuck." she said under her breath before dejectedly heading her way back into the backstage. "this is worse than looking for my cat."

a fierce blow of a whirlwind shut the door forcefully right behind her, reeling her back inside in a rush. too many weird things in one night, she thought to herself, finally finding the series of events prolonged enough to sober her out of this new obsession. she couldn't say now what determined nor guided her. for a moment, she could only wish for peace and quiet. that she definitely pursued, at least for the night, abandoning the rest of the setlist bound for the show. but it wasn't long into the night until the thoughts had started back up. this stranger's spell was so magnificently scattered that it followed her to bed. and as if on cue, a shadow in the form of a feline came into view through the curtain draping the window. she shot up from where she laid, tiptoeing forward and resting her knees gently on the couch placed on the sill. upon opening the window, she found the same black cat that she had failed to befriend and it seemed comfortable, so much so that it welcomed itself to her house.

"god." she said to herself, hands to her hips. "am i really about to adopt another stray? are you wolfgang's henchman or whatever?" it meows in response, the tone of it giving the impression of dissent. "oh, well, my bad. you two aren't related at all." she spoke in a high-pitched voice, more than she would have with wolfgang, as she gave it some sratches on the neck. "well, i'll count to 10 and if you don't leave then you're stuck with me." the window was left open to give it a chance to determine its fate, which was full freedom or partial freedom with occasional treats, and judging from the lack of motion from the cat, it seemed to have made its decision. "stuck with me, it is."

[1-1-s1ay-2-2]

The M.D. in Me | Explained 🤷‍♀️

People have their reasons. Some people's psych behaves as it does because they've been traumatized in ways that don't show, ways that are hidden deep within their minds and hearts.

Their deeply-rooted fears (from any time in their life; childhood specifically) are possibly being expressed through their social behaviors (ie: blocking people who make them feel threatened; haters and bullies, or virtual stalkers who won't leave them alone.)

How they react could very well be an automatic coping mechanism in response to their fears being triggered by their interaction with a person. For instance, if a little girl's dad left when she was seven years old, she learned that love leaves. She learned to cope with that loss by not being the one to leave, but by pushing people away before they had the chance to leave her.

In that childhood, trauma-induced state of mind, she learned to behave that way from the time she was a young girl.

Without unlearning the trauma -- or her response to the trauma -- her response became her norm. And in that "norm" transpired the repetitive behaviors she identified with...pushing people away before it was too late. Her thinking was rational to her. Her thinking was her coping mechanism. It was her self-protection method. A method she never unlearned. It was her safety net. And it worked.

In retrospect, one can understand the psyche of this little girl was damaged and traumatized by her dad's abandonment. What began as a little girl's coping mechanism in response to losing her dad evolved into her personal, adulthood responses to any threat she ever felt in any other relationship ever. Her intent wasn't to seem "unhinged" or to be judged by people who didn't understand her life or her pain or her coping mechanism, but her intent was to just...survive...another day...without being crushed by the weight and the chains of the past. Maybe, in essence, it was HER escape that she needed all along. To escape and heal from the trauma that she endured so long ago.

No one knows what a person's state of mind or heart is or what they've been through that leads them to the decisions they make, or how their reasoning applies, but it does, and their validation is just as worthy to be had as people who want to vote republican or move to...Russia. I'm just sayin'. Also, people can do what they want.

Don't be the type of person who makes someone want to cut you out of their life. There's that.

Don't be the reason someone's childhood trauma memory is triggered because you treated them in such a way that triggered it.

Instead, try showing them true love by practicing thoughtful, well-treatment. You won't be getting "cut out" then.

A post wants to throw shade at the people doing the "cutting out"...but let's shed some light on the people who provoke them.

[rockislandadultreads]

Book Recommendations: More Lambda Award Finalists

These are just a few of the many titles shortlisted for the 2023 Lambda Awards! To see the entire list, visit the Lambda Literary website here.

Roses, in the Mouth of a Lion by Bushra Rehman

Razia Mirza grows up amid the wild grape vines and backyard sunflowers of Corona, Queens, with her best friend, Saima, by her side. When a family rift drives the girls apart, Razia’s heart is broken. She finds solace in Taslima, a new girl in her close-knit Pakistani-American community. They embark on a series of small rebellions: listening to scandalous music, wearing miniskirts, and cutting school to explore the city.

When Razia is accepted to Stuyvesant, a prestigious high school in Manhattan, the gulf between the person she is and the daughter her parents want her to be, widens. At Stuyvesant, Razia meets Angela and is attracted to her in a way that blossoms into a new understanding. When their relationship is discovered by an Aunty in the community, Razia must choose between her family and her own future.

Mother Ocean Father Nation by Nishant Batsha

On a small Pacific island, a brother and sister tune in to a breaking news radio bulletin. It is 1985, and an Indian grocer has just been attacked by nativists aligned with the recent military coup. Now, fear and shock are rippling through the island's deeply-rooted Indian community as racial tensions rise to the brink.

Bhumi hears this news from her locked-down dorm room in the capital city. She is the ambitious, intellectual standout of the family--the one destined for success. But when her friendship with the daughter of a prominent government official becomes a liability, she must flee her unstable home for California.

Jaipal feels like the unnoticed, unremarkable sibling, always left to fend for himself. He is stuck working in the family store, avoiding their father's wrath, with nothing but his hidden desires to distract him. Desperate for money and connection, he seizes a sudden opportunity to take his life into his own hands for the first time. But his decision may leave him vulnerable to the island's escalating volatility.

Nightcrawling by Leila Mottley

Kiara and her brother, Marcus, are scraping by in an East Oakland apartment complex optimistically called the Regal-Hi. Both have dropped out of high school, their family fractured by death and prison. But while Marcus clings to his dream of rap stardom, Kiara hunts for work to pay their rent--which has more than doubled--and to keep the nine-year-old boy next door, abandoned by his mother, safe and fed.

One night, what begins as a drunken misunderstanding with a stranger turns into the job Kiara never imagined wanting but now desperately needs: nightcrawling. Her world breaks open even further when her name surfaces in an investigation that exposes her as a key witness in a massive scandal within the Oakland Police Department.

Burn Down, Rise Up by Vincent Tirado

For over a year, the Bronx has been plagued by sudden disappearances that no one can explain. Sixteen-year-old Raquel does her best to ignore it. After all, the police only look for the white kids. But when her crush Charlize's cousin goes missing, Raquel starts to pay attention—especially when her own mom comes down with a mysterious illness that seems linked to the disappearances.

Raquel and Charlize team up to investigate, but they soon discover that everything is tied to a terrifying urban legend called the Echo Game. The game is rumored to trap people in a sinister world underneath the city, and the rules are based on a particularly dark chapter in New York's past. And if the friends want to save their home and everyone they love, they will have to play the game and destroy the evil at its heart—or die trying.

[ariendiel]

Same anon who asked about the cheating, would love to know what would push the LIs to cheat.

Ahhh, thank you for coming back, anon, and I'll do my best to answer this for you! Big caveat for all of these is that I write them from the LIs point of view, so it can seem like I justify the cheating, when I'm very much not okay with cheating irl (yes, I'm still a Noah stan lol, humans are complicated y'all). Also, everyone has different definitions of cheating, so don't feel like you have to read the worst into these.

What could push the S2 LIs to cheat

Bobby

A combination of being easily distracted and needing constant validation could lead Bobby to cheat I think. If his partner isn't able to keep him occupied and feeling fully appreciated I think it could cause him to do something he'll regret. Especially seeing how he loves to be affectionate with his friends, this could go too far if he doesn't feel happy where he is.

Carl

Overwork and long nights at the office. If he doesn't have a partner to help him realise he shouldn't live for work it could lead to him cheating with someone at work I think. The guilt will eat him alive, but he's exhausted and if it's a person that's around a lot I think he could slip in a weak moment.

Elisa

Committment issues combined with her quickly growing bored. She needs constant action, and someone who can handle her influencer lifestyle. If you can't keep up, you're out, and I think that mindset has spread to include relationships for her. Elisa is also quite young still, and I think the thought of finding the one already really terrifies her.

Gary

Aloofness and insecurities combined. Not necissarily the bad kinds, but I think he's not always the best at picking up on his partner's emotions, which can lead to arguments and frustrations. That, combined with some deeply rooted insecurities can make him think it's just easier to go back to his old habits of sleeping around, because his partner is too good for him and deserves someone who understands her.

Henrik

Distance. Both physical and mental. Henrik really is like a golden retriever, and I just don't think he'd enjoy being away or feeling distanced from his partner in any way. Even if she just needs some quiet time or is travelling etc., I think it's the kind of thing that would build up and make him get really nervous and seek comfort elsewhere.

Ibrahim

Insecurity and his inability to resist tempation. He's young, he's rich, and he's now famous. That, combined with how insecure he is, with women who'll throw themselves at him? I fear Rahim is the kind of guy who could make one poor decision one night, and regret it for the rest of his life.

Jakub

Restlessness and committment issues. I think it'll take quite a bit for him to feel ready to actually settle down with someone, he's just not used to the thought, and when he does think about it it's too much.

Lucas

Fear of being abandoned is what I think has and can push Lucas to cheat. You know, the "better to hurt someone before they can hurt you" kind of mindset, because part of his upbringing and the constant moving around has left him scared and anticipating having to say goodbye to everyone and everything that makes him feel grounded.

Marisol

Similar to Lucas, but I think Marisol has more deeply rooted insecurities about letting herself be fully seen. What if when they get to know her, the real her, that they're disappointed? I feel like all these last three on this list are also the worst overthinkers, which can make them do the most dumb things at times.

Noah

I mean, we bascially know the answer for Noah, right? If you do the Noah route "right" he won't be in an official relationship with Hope, so not technically cheating, but I think a similar situation and bad relationship where he feels "trapped" and almost forced to act could push him to cheat. Basically, he doesn't necissarily have the strength to end a bad relationship himself, but he won't be able to resist someone else, leading him to cheat.

[agentrouka-blog]

When Jon think about wanting winterfell and it's Lord he felt hunger which he later connect with ghost's hunger. Do you think that passage is implying something?

Hi anon!

I think the passage has many layers when it comes to symbolism and foreshadowing.

ASOS, Jon XII is a fun chapter. Jon’s been through a lot. His trip North of the wall left him traumatized and disillusioned in a way that’s hard to sum up. Anything he had hoped to be proud of in life was obliterated, he suffered serious injury, has been separated from ghost, learned that all his family are dead or missing, fought a viciously cruel battle, feels responsible for the death of his stockholm-syndromy abuser, was stripped of all respect and honor by his superiors, and he got to see a woman die in childbirth. Now Stannis and Mel are squatting at Castle Black, and the threat to the North keeps looming.

Life sucks. 

We’d been introduced to some options that were denied to him in life:

His lord father had once talked about raising new lords and settling them in the abandoned holdfasts as a shield against wildlings. The plan would have required the Watch to yield back a large part of the Gift, but his uncle Benjen believed the Lord Commander could be won around, so long as the new lordlings paid taxes to Castle Black rather than Winterfell. "It is a dream for spring, though," Lord Eddard had said. "Even the promise of land will not lure men north with a winter coming on."

If winter had come and gone more quickly and spring had followed in its turn, I might have been chosen to hold one of these towers in my father's name. Lord Eddard was dead, however, his brother Benjen lost; the shield they dreamt together would never be forged. (ASOS, Jon V)

or

“If the boy shows any skill with sword or lance, he should have a place with your father’s household guard at the least,” Jon said. “It’s not unknown for bastards to be trained as squires and raised to knighthood. But you’d best be sure Gilly can play this game convincingly. From what you’ve told me of Lord Randyll, I doubt he would take kindly to being deceived.” (ASOS, Samwell IV)

One fails because of the seasons, the other was prevented by Catelyn. The Watch has been a soul-destroying nightmare, Ygritte’s offer of taking over a Tower “after” is not even worth a moment’s consideration to him. Every hope he ever had about his life has been disappointed. 

Jon’s just about sixteen and is completely done. Sam notes how much time Jon spends in the training yard, even though he’s injured and off-duty for the title of turncloak. He does not bother voting in the Lord Commander election. A maligned outcast again. Forever. 

The warg, I’ve heard them call me. How can I be a warg without a wolf, I ask you?” His mouth twisted. “I don’t even dream of Ghost anymore. All my dreams are of the crypts, of the stone kings on their thrones. Sometimes I hear Robb’s voice, and my father’s, as if they were at a feast. But there’s a wall between us, and I know that no place has been set for me.” (ASOS, Samwell IV

He is lonely. Even Ghost is gone, his one proof that he belongs to something.

Stannis alienates Jon by talking ill of Robb, but he offers Jon recognition for the things he did right, a rare thing, and then he offers him legitimization. Basically, “You proved your worth and you have the Right blood. All you ever wanted can be yours. For the small price of breaking your oaths for real and of your own volition and forsaking your gods.” Downright mephistophelian.

Jon is torn, can’t sleep, fights. For the first time he has a real choice. He remembers the traumatic incident where his bastardy became a true concept to him.

That morning he called it first. “I’m Lord of Winterfell!” he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, “You can’t be Lord of Winterfell, you’re bastard-born. My lady mother says you can’t ever be the Lord of Winterfell.”

I thought I had forgotten that. Jon could taste blood in his mouth, from the blow he’d taken. (ASOS, Jon XII)

And Jon’s response is a near black-out rage against his sparring partner. All his suppressed feelings of grief and anger and longing and loneliness are just broiling inside him.

Why am I so angry? he asked himself, but it was a stupid question. Lord of Winterfell. I could be the Lord of Winterfell. My father’s heir.

Jon soaks in the hot tub and thinks of Winterfell, mulls restoring it versus not belonging and destroying its soul in the process

When Jon closed his eyes he saw the heart tree, with its pale limbs, red leaves, and solemn face. The weirwood was the heart of Winterfell, Lord Eddard always said … but to save the castle Jon would have to tear that heart up by its ancient roots, and feed it to the red woman’s hungry fire god. I have no right, he thought. Winterfell belongs to the old gods

The tree is almost described like a person. A person with Tully coloring, like all his siblings save Arya. Like Sansa. The hot springs in Winterfell have a potential link to his decision to join the Watch, or at the very least to his siblings in general. The castle of Winterfell is juxtaposed with the heart, with the purpose and point of it all. Save a structure by destroying what made it a meaningful place? Betray his family in his heart, the person whose castle is truly is, betray all his values and his gods?

He takes a walk past sites of all his recent experiences and North the Wall over the recent battle field and just sits to think. 

Ygritte wanted me to be a wildling. Stannis wants me to be the Lord of Winterfell. But what do I want? The sun crept down the sky to dip behind the Wall where it curved through the western hills. Jon watched as that towering expanse of ice took on the reds and pinks of sunset. 

There’s an essay I could write about walls, Tyrion, Jon and Sansa (the sun to Arya’s moon) and how they all interact in the books, but let’s say just like this word play, the fact that Jon answers his own question is not an accident:

"Close your beak, crow. Spin yourself around, might be you'd find who you're looking for."

Jon turned.

The singer rose to his feet. (ASOS, Jon I)

The singer rose. Lyanna, his mother, the riddle. But also Sansa, who unwittingly took up her mantle. One unlocks his path to the other and everything that follows in his imagination:

I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. Val would want to keep her sister’s son, but we could foster him at Winterfell, and Gilly’s boy as well. Sam would never need to tell his lie. We’d find a place for Gilly too, and Sam could come visit her once a year or so. Mance’s son and Craster’s would grow up brothers, as I once did with Robb.

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. A hunger … he could feel it. It was food he needed, prey, a red deer that stank of fear or a great elk proud and defiant. He needed to kill and fill his belly with fresh meat and hot dark blood. His mouth began to water with the thought.

Jon paints a picture of recreating his own childhood with his wolf pack at Winterfell, only this time there are no outcasts, and he is the Father. He gets to be Ned. The Lord of Winterfell with a lady’s love. And a son, something he had, apparently, dreamed of until he stoppped. 

He has always wanted this thing that he has no right to and it filled him with a guilt strong enough to concern the gods. But he admits it to himself, lets himself truly feel it. The feeling flows through him the same way the rage did earlier. powerful and all encompassing. 

Like a dragonglass blade. There we have some lovely foreshadowing for a) potentiall the origin of the Others, b) Jon’s paternity, and c) his own death when his desire to abandon his vows and head to Winterfell is met with, you know, some blades. Not to mention d) his desire to have these things.

Each of these is answered by his primal hunger response. Which is of course, his connection to Ghost. The wolf he has so woefully said goodbye to, that he missed deeply and bitterly, chooses this moment to reappear. This moment where Jon returns to his own feelings, his true self.

a) the answer to the Others are the direwolves, the Starks, their magical connection to Winterfell and what happened way back when.

b) the answer to Jon’s paternity is a violent embrace of his mother’s side.

c) the answer to his own stabbing will be warging into Ghost and biding his time in there, becoming more wolf than he ever anticipated.

d) the answer to his heart’s desire...

It was a long moment before he understood what was happening. When he did, he bolted to his feet. “Ghost?” He turned toward the wood, and there he came, padding silently out of the green dusk, the breath coming warm and white from his open jaws. “Ghost!” he shouted, and the direwolf broke into a run. He was leaner than he had been, but bigger as well, and the only sound he made was the soft crunch of dead leaves beneath his paws. When he reached Jon he leapt, and they wrestled amidst brown grass and long shadows as the stars came out above them. “Gods, wolf, where have you been?” Jon said when Ghost stopped worrying at his forearm. “I thought you’d died on me, like Robb and Ygritte and all the rest. I’ve had no sense of you, not since I climbed the Wall, not even in dreams.” The direwolf had no answer, but he licked Jon’s face with a tongue like a wet rasp, and his eyes caught the last light and shone like two great red suns.

Red suns. Arya’s wolf has golden coins (haggling for death, faceless men coins, spinning fates), Grey Wind has molten gold (like a crown that kills you). 

Jon’s wolf has red suns. Like the colors that the sun painted on the Wall. The direwolf in heart tree colors, inverted bastard colors of house Stark, Tully colors, Sansa colors. 

Red eyes, Jon realized, but not like Melisandre’s. He had a weirwood’s eyes. Red eyes, red mouth, white fur. Blood and bone, like a heart tree. He belongs to the old gods, this one. And he alone of all the direwolves was white. Six pups they’d found in the late summer snows, him and Robb; five that were grey and black and brown, for the five Starks, and one white, as white as Snow.

He had his answer then.

Not the red gods, not fire. The old gods. the heart tree, the wolves. He may be a Snow, but the old gods gave him Ghost. His own wolf. His white wolf. His place was made by their will. 

There is honor in that choice. No matter what anyone else says, Jon knows who he is and he has that power: to reject betraying his heart. 

How does this choice led by Ghost fit the layers?

a) The answer to the Others: don’t steal, don’t trick. Be honest. Accept what was painful. Not the Wall matters, the answer is in the heart tree.

b) The Dragon father does not Need to guide his decisions. He can let that go. He is a Snow.

c) Being in Ghost will lead him back to himself. Not fire, not Melisandre. The old gods.

d) Well... What does Jon want? What IS his answer?

Jon is filled with sudden energy. He strides back, rejects Val in his mind, stalks dramatically into the dining hall and is suddenly voted Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. We close on this:

So Jon Snow took the wineskin from his hand and had a swallow. But only one. The Wall was his, the night was dark, and he had a king to face.

Jon’s answer? We never hear it in this chapter. 

We hear it in ADWD, Jon I:

"By right Winterfell should go to my sister Sansa." 

And ADWD, Jon IV:

Jon said, "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa." 

The chapter is followed by? Sansa. Rebuilding Winterfell out of snow. 

When Jon lets go of pretense, honestly asks himself what he wants, shame or not, his wolf takes over and helps him find the answer and the path. The answer is not in taking the Castle and creating a mimicry of what it was, it is in honoring what it truly was and truly means. The heart over the structure. 

And in giving supremacy to the heart, to the red-white heart, he unknowingly paves the way for his own place: Winterfell built of Snow. He doesn’t have to steal the castle, he will be invited to belong.

That’s my own humble interpretation, anyway.

[bardic-tales]

Bianca Moore | Day Two

Obsession: Day One: Jealousy over lovers

In the aftermath of the Nibelheim incident, Bianca Moore’s emotional landscape is ravaged by fear, obsession, and trauma. There is no emotion more potent than the relentless jealousy she harbors for anyone who comes close to Sephiroth. Far beyond a fleeting emotion, her jealousy is a manifestation of deeper psychological wounds and a desperate need for connection in a world that has repeatedly torn her apart.

This post and series explores the darker corners of Bianca’s psyche, where love and obsession collide, and where jealousy becomes both her shield and her prison in the fragile, volatile bond she shares with Sephiroth.

Possible Trigger Warnings: abandonment, abuse, codependency, emotional manipulation, emotional trauma, gaslighting, identity crisis, jealousy, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, psychological abuse, PTSD, self-worth issues, stalking, and toxic relationships

Bianca’s jealousy is both consuming and relentless, especially when it comes to Sephiroth. Post-Nibelheim, after the dreamscape incidents where Sephiroth breaks her emotionally and physically, Bianca's possessiveness intensifies. She views any perceived threat to their bond with near-paranoia, and her jealousy becomes a driving force behind many of her actions.

To Bianca, anyone who dares to look at Sephiroth or engage with him in any intimate way is a direct challenge to her claim over him. This possessiveness is not just about ownership but is rooted in her deep fear of losing him.

Her jealousy is not subtle; it manifests as an all-consuming need to assert her place in Sephiroth’s life. In her mind, no one else can understand him the way she does, and she believes that anyone else trying to get close to him is a threat to their bond. The fear of abandonment, coupled with her deep emotional trauma, leads Bianca to make impulsive, sometimes irrational decisions to keep others at bay.

Her actions, fueled by this jealousy, can range from subtle manipulations to more dramatic outbursts when she perceives even the smallest hint of Sephiroth’s attention shifting away from her. Bianca’s need to ensure that Sephiroth’s focus remains solely on her leads her to monitor his interactions with others closely, often sabotaging those who get too close.

In her more vulnerable moments, Bianca’s jealousy is tied to feelings of inadequacy. She struggles with the belief that she is not enough for Sephiroth, especially after the trauma of seeing him embrace Jenova over their love and him calling her too weak to protect her loved ones. This abandonment cuts deeply, and her jealousy becomes a protective mechanism to shield herself from further hurt.

It is not just about controlling Sephiroth’s interactions with others but about convincing herself that her love and devotion are the only things that can truly sustain their bond. She desperately craves his validation, and this need drives her to go to extreme lengths to prove that she is irreplaceable in his life.

Bianca’s jealousy also reflects her internal conflict. As someone who is deeply traumatized by her past and shaped by the manipulations of Shinra, Sephiroth, and her father, she is constantly battling with her own identity. Her jealousy is a manifestation of her insecurities and the fear that, without Sephiroth, she is nothing. She clings to him because he represents the one constant in a life full of chaos and loss.

The idea of losing him, whether emotionally or physically, is a fate Bianca cannot bear. While consuming, her jealousy is also a cry for reassurance, a desperate plea to be seen and valued in a world where she often feels like an expendable pawn.

Despite her overwhelming jealousy, Bianca’s actions are driven by a profound love for Sephiroth. She is willing to sacrifice anything, including her own humanity, to keep him by her side. This unwavering devotion is the core of her identity, and her jealousy only serves to reinforce her belief that she must protect their connection at all costs. Her jealousy is not a mere desire for control but a reflection of her need to maintain the emotional safety she has found with him. Ultimately, Bianca's jealousy stems from her profound attachment to Sephiroth and her fear of losing the one person who has been one of the only sources of solace in her fractured, painful existence.

@themaradwrites @shepardstales @megandaisy9 @watermeezer

@prehistoric-creatures @creativechaosqueen @chickensarentcheap @seastarblue

@inkandimpressions @arrthurpendragon

Obsession taglist: @queerlilchinchin

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Conversations On Love by Natasha Lunn

This has been a highly anticipated read for a lot of my fellow bloggers and I was delighted to be accepted for it. With such a general title, I didn’t really know what to expect but I knew it would make me think and perhaps even teach me something about the broad spectrum of what love is.

Part memoir, part series of interviews, Conversations On Love is Natasha Lunn’s deep dive into love in all its beautiful, messy forms. Input comes from Candice Carty-Williams, Greg Wise, Philippa Perry, Lisa Taddeo, Dolly Alderton, Roxane Gay, Juno Dawson, Alain de Botton, Diana Evans and more. 

The book’s introduction explores Natasha Lunn’s own obsession with constantly longing for something more from her life. It really sets the tone for the whole book as it’s suggested that this longing for what we don’t have is perhaps responsible for all of our dissatisfaction. It is the cause of why we sometimes abandon what we have in search of something else or why we are simply never completely happy.

It also explores where our insatiable desire for romantic love comes from. The innate fear and prejudice that comes with being single is something that many people, particularly women, are desperate to avoid. Of course, this can often lead to unhealthy relationships and intense unhappiness all in the name of not being alone or ‘without love’. The following interviews all talk about the many other forms of love and endeavour to show both Natasha and the reader that not having a romantic relationship does not make you either alone or loveless.

Several sections of the book, particularly Candice Carty-Williams’ interview on the wonders of female friendship and Dolly Alderton’s comments on how friendships change over time, made me really consider why platonic love is considered less significant than romance. If you’re lucky enough to have a set of friends who have seen you through some life-changing or formative years, there is no doubt that this is an incredibly special form of love. The book does a lot to demonstrate how all other types of love can lead to a deeper happiness than the wrong romance ever could.

There are some poignant passages and really beautiful words of wisdom all over the book. These are lessons that we all need to learn and draw from when our relationships and lives get hard. Anyone thinking of ending a relationship should certainly read these parts and think about what how it applies to their own situation. I have no doubt it will give those readers the strength and confidence to make the right decision.

The conversation with Emily Nagoski, a writer and expert on sex and sexuality, made this striking but highly accurate comparison between wanting spontaneity in a sexual relationship to the demands of capitalism. It’s true that capitalism runs on selling satisfaction, which of course requires people to be permanently dissatisfied. Is it possible that this society-produced habit runs over into all aspects of our lives? It’s a fascinating connection and to me, it makes perfect sense!

Author Diana Evans talks about the love she has for her children and how that changes as they grow up. She also talks about how our relationship with her husband inevitably changed when the children arrived. Of course, it’s no secret that the introduction of children into a relationship makes for monumental change but Diana explains that it’s a beautiful one. Seeing your partner as a parent throws a new, gorgeous glow on them and although, your shared life is different, you can fall even deeper in love.

Poorna Bell’s interview focuses on the importance of her relationship with her sister. Poorna’s sister has been her confidante through the most horrific life events and her interview really caused me to think about the power of sibling love. The above quote really resonated with me and of course, I couldn’t help but think of my own relationship with my brother. We have always had a unique bond and I know that there may come a time where he is the only one left who has known my entire life.

There are also many sections that mention how important it is to know who you really are and what you really want before entering into a significant romantic relationship. Losing your sense of self is common when entering a new relationship because you’re trying to be a certain version of what you think your new partner wants. True self-awareness is something that I only achieved through months of therapy but I know it has made me much clearer on what I want from my relationships. The truth is that a shiny, new relationship will never be the answer to deep-rooted self-esteem problems and it takes a lot of people years to realise this, if they ever do.

I loved the philosophical parts of the book too. Some of the people that Natasha interviews go off on little tangents where they talk about how strange and complex humans are. The above thought from poet Lemn Sissay is one that I’ve had myself many times. The fact that everyone in the world has their own thoughts, dreams, fears and problems that we will likely never know about it and yet we’re all united in so many of these very same things is fascinating. 

The final part of the book talks a lot about the concept of loss and what grief really is. When you love someone, the idea of losing them is always terrifying but it’s something that we will all have to endure multiple times throughout our lives. The conversations with actor Greg Wise, who cared for his sister Clare in her final months of a battle with cancer and with Lucy Kalanithi, the widow of When Breath Becomes Air author Paul, are heartbreaking but they’re also full of hope. In these interviews, I could see that their loved ones were very much still with them in everything that they did and that’s an extremely comforting, beautiful idea.

Conversations On Love is about the importance of making and maintaining connections of all kinds. We will never get all of our needs met by one person and we need to be willing to meet some of those needs ourselves. Friends, family, colleagues, work, passions and faith are all valid sources of love that will evolve over time and because of this, we need to be willing to work at our relationships. Natasha Lunn is a fantastic interviewer and this is a wonderful collection of deeply personal stories, sage advice and stunning writing that will make you think and take your breath away on the same page.

[newstfionline]

Friday, September 3, 2021

US faith groups unite to help Afghanistan refugees after war (AP) America’s major religions and denominations, often divided on other big issues, have united behind the effort to help receive an influx of refugees from Afghanistan following the end of the United States’ longest war and one of the largest airlifts in history. Among those gearing up to help are Jewish refugee resettlement agencies and Islamic groups; conservative and liberal Protestant churches; and prominent Catholic relief organizations, providing everything from food and clothes to legal assistance and housing. “It’s incredible. It’s an interfaith effort that involved Catholic, Lutheran, Muslim, Jews, Episcopalians ... Hindus ... as well as nonfaith communities who just believe that maybe it’s not a matter of faith, but it’s just a matter of who we are as a nation,” said Krish O’Mara Vignarajah, president and CEO of Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Service. The U.S. and its coalition partners have evacuated more than 100,000 people from Afghanistan since the airlift began Aug. 14, including more than 5,400 American citizens and many Afghans who helped the U.S. during the 20-year war.

Hurricane Ida’s aftermath, recovery uneven across Louisiana (AP) In New Orleans, an ongoing power outage after Hurricane Ida is making the sweltering summer unbearable. But in some areas outside the city, that misery is compounded by a lack of water, flooded neighborhoods and severely damaged homes. Four days after Hurricane Ida struck, the storm’s aftermath—and progress in recovering from it—are being felt unevenly across affected communities in Louisiana. In New Orleans, power was restored Wednesday to a small number of homes and businesses, city crews had some streets almost completely cleared of fallen trees and debris and a few corner stores reopened. Outside New Orleans, neighborhoods remained flooded and residents were still reeling from damage to their homes and property. More than 1,200 people were walking through some of Ida’s hardest-hit communities to look for those needing help, according to the Louisiana Fire Marshal’s office.

More than 45 dead after Ida’s remnants blindside Northeast (AP) A stunned U.S. East Coast faced a rising death toll, surging rivers and tornado damage Thursday after the remnants of Hurricane Ida walloped the region with record-breaking rain, drowning more than 40 people in their homes and cars. In a region that had been warned about potentially deadly flash flooding but hadn’t braced for such a blow from the no-longer-hurricane, the storm killed at least 46 people from Maryland to Connecticut on Wednesday night and Thursday morning. In New York, nearly 500 vehicles were abandoned on flooded highways, garbage bobbed in streaming streets and water cascaded into the city’s subway tunnels, trapping at least 17 trains and disrupting service all day. Videos online showed riders standing on seats in swamped cars. All were safely evacuated, with police aiding 835 riders and scores of people elsewhere. The National Weather Service said the ferocious storm also spawned at least 10 tornadoes from Maryland to Massachusetts, including a 150-mph (241 kph) twister that splintered homes and toppled silos in Mullica Hill, New Jersey, south of Philadelphia.

President’s murder inquiry slow amid Haiti’s multiple crises (AP) In the nearly two months since President Jovenel Moïse was assassinated, Haiti has suffered a devastating earthquake and a drenching tropical storm, the twin natural disasters deflecting attention from the man-made one that preceded them. Add the constant worry over deteriorating security at the hands of gangs that by some estimates control territory that’s home to about a fifth of Haiti’s 11 million citizens, and the investigation into Moïse’s killing is fast fading from the public consciousness. Even those still paying attention, demanding accountability and pressuring for a thorough investigation give no chance to the crime’s masterminds being brought to justice in a country where impunity reigns. It doesn’t help that Moïse was despised by a large portion of the population. “The hope for finding justice for Jovenel is zero,” said Pierre Esperance, executive director of the National Human Rights Defense Network.

Fancy a beer in Britain? In some pubs, supplies are running low. (Washington Post) Fears are brewing among pint-loving Brits amid reports of a national beer shortage. Some pubs say they are running low on pints of Carling and Coors—the latest victims of the United Kingdom’s supply chain crisis, sparked by Brexit and exacerbated by the coronavirus pandemic, that has led to headline-grabbing scarcities of items including McDonald’s milkshakes, beloved Nando’s chicken and the polarizing breakfast spread Marmite. “We are experiencing some supply problems,” a spokesman for pub chain Wetherspoons said Tuesday, apologizing for any inconvenience caused to customers. The lack of beer has been attributed to the ongoing shortage of truck drivers to transport goods, a problem sparked by Britain’s decision to leave the European Union following a 2016 referendum that divided the country. The driver shortage has not been helped by the country’s “pingdemic,” in which tens of thousands of workers were forced to self-isolate after being contacted by the National Health Service app for coming into contact with someone who tested positive for coronavirus.

Merkel steps down with legacy dominated by tackling crises (AP) Angela Merkel will leave office as one of modern Germany’s longest-serving leaders and a global diplomatic heavyweight, with a legacy defined by her management of a succession of crises that shook a fragile Europe rather than any grand visions for her own country. In 16 years at the helm of Europe’s biggest economy, Merkel did end military conscription, set Germany on course for a future without nuclear and fossil-fueled power, and introduce a national minimum wage and benefits encouraging fathers to look after young children, among other things. But a senior ally recently summed up what many view as her main service: as an anchor of stability in stormy times. He told Merkel: “You protected our country well.”

India locks down Kashmir after top separatist leader’s death (AP) Indian authorities cracked down on public movement and imposed a near-total communications blackout Thursday in disputed Kashmir after the death of Syed Ali Geelani, a top separatist leader who became the emblem of the region’s defiance against New Delhi. Geelani, who died late Wednesday at age 92, was buried in a quiet funeral at a local graveyard organized by authorities under harsh restrictions, his son Naseem Geelani told The Associated Press. “They snatched his body and forcibly buried him. Nobody from the family was present for his burial. We tried to resist but they overpowered us and even scuffled with women,” said Naseem Geelani. As most Kashmiris remained locked inside their homes, armed police and soldiers patrolled the tense region. Government forces placed steel barricades and razor wire across many roads, bridges and intersections and set up additional checkpoints across towns and villages in the Kashmir Valley. Authorities cut most of cellphone networks and mobile internet service in a common tactic employed by India in anticipation of mass protests.

Women and technology in Japan (NYT) Japan is facing a severe shortage of workers in technology and engineering. And in university programs that produce workers in these fields, Japan has some of the lowest percentages of women in the developed world. Up to age 15, Japanese girls and boys perform equally well in math and science on international standardized tests. But at this critical juncture, when students must choose between the science and humanities tracks in high school, girls appear to lose confidence and interest in math and science. In these fields, the higher the educational level, the fewer the women, a phenomenon many blame on cultural expectations. “The sex-based division of labor is deeply rooted,” one young woman said. To help change the trend, two women with science backgrounds co-founded a nonprofit called Waffle, which runs one-day tech camps for middle and high school girls. Asumi Saito and Sayaka Tanaka offer career lectures and hands-on experiences that emphasize problem solving, community, and entrepreneurship to counter the stereotypically geeky image of technology. “Our vision is to close the gender gap by empowering and educating women in technology,” Saito said.

Taiwan Warns China Can ‘Paralyze’ Island’s Defenses in Conflict (Bloomberg) Taiwan warned that China could “paralyze” its defenses in a conflict, a stark new assessment expected to fuel calls in Washington for more support for the democratically ruled island. China is able to neutralize Taiwan’s air-and-sea defenses and counter-attack systems with “soft and hard electronic attacks,” Taiwan’s Ministry of National Defense said in an annual report to lawmakers seen by Bloomberg News. The document offered a more alarming assessment than last year’s report, which had said China still lacked the capability to launch an assault. While Beijing isn’t believed to possess the transport and logistical capacity necessary for an invasion of Taiwan’s large and mountainous main island, the ministry recommended monitoring Chinese efforts to expand training and preparations for complex landing operations. China already has the ability to seize Taiwan’s surrounding islands, it said.

Those left in Afghanistan complain of broken US promises (AP) Even in the final days of Washington’s chaotic airlift in Afghanistan, Javed Habibi was getting phone calls from the U.S. government promising that the green card holder from Richmond, Virginia, his wife and their four daughters would not be left behind. He was told to stay home and not worry, that they would be evacuated. Late Monday, however, his heart sank as he heard that the final U.S. flights had left Kabul’s airport, followed by the blistering staccato sound of Taliban gunfire, celebrating what they saw as their victory over America. “They lied to us,” Habibi said of the U.S. government. He is among hundreds of American citizens and green card holders stranded in the Afghan capital. Victoria Nuland, undersecretary of state for political affairs, would not address individual cases but said all U.S. citizens and lawful permanent residents who could not get evacuation flights or were otherwise stranded had been contacted individually in the past 24 hours and told to expect further information about routes out once those have been arranged.

[eldritchteaparty]

Chapters: 6/20 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Rosie Zampano, Oliver Banks, Original Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Scars, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I'll add characters and tags as they come up, Reference to injuries and blood, Character Death In Dream, Nudity (not sexual or graphic), Nightmares, Fighting

Summary: Following the events of MAG 200, Jon and Martin find themselves in a dimension very much like the one they came from--with second chances and more time.

Chapter Summary: Martin considers the repercussions of their argument, and he gets "his" stuff back from storage.

New chapter of my post-canon fix-it!

Read on AO3 above or read here.

Tumblr master post with all chapters is here.

***

The only word Martin could think of to describe the way he felt that morning was hangover. He woke up even earlier than usual and extricated himself from beneath Jon, who was entirely oblivious to the outside world. At least they had managed to communicate something, although it wasn’t the way he would have preferred to do it. At least they had made up, although he knew the actual fallout likely remained to be seen; arguments like that always seemed to twist their way back around.

Some of what Jon had told him was disturbing. He wished he knew what had come from Jon on that last day, and what had come from something that wasn’t Jon. Martin still couldn’t picture him willingly destroying the world. The idea that everything might have been different, that he might have been able to save Jon from that decision if he had just woken up that night, was hard to process. On the other hand, now that they were here, he had a new appreciation for Jon’s insistence on not letting the fears out. It was bad enough that they were responsible for the end of just two people in one dimension. The damage wasn’t just theoretical, and of course Jon had likely understood the possibilities in a way Martin couldn’t have before.

If he was being very, very honest, though, the thing that hurt the most was what Jon would have been willing to do to him. Before, it had felt like abandonment; Jon had been willing to leave him. It was that simple, and that selfish. It wasn’t that he didn’t rationally understand how it could be reasonable, or even an act of strength, if Jon really thought it was what he’d needed to do. It was that he himself could not have been that reasonable or strong about it. He didn’t believe he could have made a decision that would have led to them being apart, and like he’d told Jon—it had hurt that Jon could.

Now, though, he realized Jon had never seen it that way. Jon had sincerely believed that becoming the pupil of the Eye would not have changed him. He had believed he wasn’t sacrificing himself, that they could have still been together. He’d said that. Martin had almost forgotten, because he’d been trying so hard to tell Jon that Melanie and Georgie and Basira had been on their way to blow up the gas main, but now the words came back to him: We can be together, here. Until it’s over. And then—when that had failed—Jon had tried to send him away, but Martin understood now that even that hadn’t been a separation. Not for Jon, the way he was then. Jon would have kept Martin living in that world, whatever the cost, while he tortured himself driving it to its end.

Of course, it was also possible that the Eye had such a hold on Jon at that time that none of those thoughts had really been his—but if that was the case, there was no way Martin was going to allow him to do anything that would help him reconnect to it. He wouldn’t help Jon lose himself again. Whatever he wanted to do here, there had to be another way.

He had no idea how to approach any of this, and he certainly didn’t want to confront Jon with it when he woke up, so he decided to focus on something else instead—like his neck. It hurt. He supposed that made sense, given how he must have slept. After an unsuccessful attempt to stretch it out, he moved on to pick up the papers that were still on the floor. It hadn’t felt right to pick them up while Jon was gone; he’d wanted the reminder of why Jon wasn’t there, so maybe he wouldn’t let things get so heated the next time. He’d told himself he’d pick them up later, but then he’d fallen asleep and Jon had come home and it just hadn’t happened.

By the time he needed to wake Jon, Martin had decided that, for now, he was going to continue to do whatever Jon would allow to support his efforts. He didn’t imagine there was any chance Jon would slow down of his own accord, and at least that way he could make sure he was ok. The worst-case scenario would be if Jon started keeping secrets.

Jon was tired that morning. Martin could tell Jon had the same emotional hangover that he did, but it seemed like more than that. He occasionally stopped to stare distractedly into nothing. He took so long in the shower that Martin had to check on him twice, and ended up finding things to do in the bedroom until Jon was done. He was worried when Jon slipped his arm through his on their walk to work. That wasn’t a normal thing; Jon seemed to be relying on him to keep walking. Martin asked if he was ok, and Jon nodded absently in a way that wasn’t particularly comforting.

The fact was that he seemed to be getting worse, not better.

***

They were somehow only a little bit late, not that anyone was paying attention. Martin had to enter some updates in their online system, so he spent the morning at his desk. Tim was back from his investigation and Sasha was in her office, and despite his worries about Jon it was almost a nice morning with the four of them together. That concerned him; it meant he was getting too comfortable.

As he worked, checking records and following up on notes he’d made the previous week, he discovered another reason for concern. He realized for the first time that some memories of this world had blurred into others, his real memories, with no specific moment of revelation. He very clearly recalled several weeks spent tracking down some files that had been returned to the main library instead of the archives, and he didn’t realize until he was shaking his head over the enormous waste of time that it had only happened here.

Although it was an unimportant memory, it brought up a lot of questions. They still didn’t know exactly what had happened to the Jon and Martin from this world, and clearly they were connected somehow. What if Martin stopped being able to tell the difference between memories from the two worlds? Or worse, what if memories from this world were replacing memories of the one they came from? What if that was why it was so easy to feel occasional moments of contentment—because he was actually forgetting what had happened?

He automatically began to run through his memories, just to see, going backward from the moment they had arrived here. The tower, the panopticon, Annabelle Cane; his slowly expanding terror as Jon had grown more and more drawn to it all. The fear domains, all of them, but especially the corpse roots and the apartment fires and the domain that belonged to him—where people suffered without even the comfort that another living being knew or cared for their existence.

The cabin in Scotland, where everything had gone irretrievably wrong. How had it happened? He had left Jon alone, for one thing. Maybe he should have stayed, but he couldn’t have known. Jon had been trying not to know things, which should have been right. Avoid using evil powers. It still seemed like it should have been right. That was the worst part, wasn’t it? Every wrong decision looked like the right one. It had been so much worse for Jon, of course. If Peter Lukas had been able to see into him like Jonah Magnus could—if he had not pushed it just a bit too far—Martin could have very easily been the one to set off an apocalypse. Instead, he was thrown into the Lonely, unwittingly sealing Jon’s fate in the process. He wondered if he had—

An upsettingly familiar voice broke through his thoughts. Martin was so deeply distracted that at first, he thought he had manufactured it himself, out of his memories. When he looked up, though, he was met with the site of not only Peter Lukas, but also Elias Bouchard, and it took him a second to remember where he was. He started to stand up, but somehow had lost track of his physical surroundings, and managed to get tangled up in his chair. He ended up on the ground.

He could feel the entire room focus in on him, but he couldn’t look away from the two men in front of him. Peter was almost exactly as he remembered him, while Elias could not have been more different—it was hard to believe he was the same person. Of course, in most ways, he wasn’t. Peter chuckled uncomfortably while Martin continued to stare, and turned to the man standing next to him. “It seems we’ve disturbed your assistant.”

“Martin.” His name, spoken nearby, finally brought him out of his stupor. He looked up expecting to find Jon, but found Tim instead.

“Martin,” he said again, “are you all right?”

“Yeah.” He looked around. Sasha had come to the door of her office to see what was going on; Jon had gotten up too.

“I keep saying we need to replace that chair.” Tim laughed nervously and reached to help Martin to his feet. It felt like it took forever to stand up.

“Yeah. Yeah, that chair, it’s, um…” Martin’s words were swallowed up by silence as he turned his eyes to the floor.

“Looks like we’re ok here, then.” Elias clapped his hands and turned back to Peter. “Shall we continue?”

Peter took one last discomfiting look at Martin before they continued into Sasha’s office. She gave Martin a concerned glance as she ushered Elias and Peter in, and pursed her lips as he shook his head. She closed the door behind them.

“Martin, are you—” Jon started to ask.

“I’m fine.” He really was more embarrassed than anything, and set about righting his chair so he could retreat back into his data entry as quickly as possible. “I—I’m sorry.”

Jon started to say something else, but was interrupted as Elias came back into the room, setting Sasha’s door against the jamb. “Everything all right?”

“Yep.” Tim patted Martin on the back, just hard enough to startle him again. “Everything is perfectly fine.”

Elias nodded, looking curiously from Tim to Martin to Jon. “Well, in any case, I want to apologize. I meant to come by last week to see how the two of you were doing, but, well… as you all know, I hate this place and avoid being here whenever possible.” He spoke the last part under his breath and grinned, the sarcastic sort of grin that doesn’t reach the eyes. It was a look Martin could not recall ever seeing on Elias’s face before in his life, but somehow it fit. “Still, I should have checked in. I’ll catch up with you soon. And Martin—get a new chair? That’s embarrassing.”

And with that, he disappeared back into Sasha’s office.

“Well,” Tim said as he leaned back against Martin’s desk. “I’ve seen some reactions to Peter Lukas, but I think that is my new favorite.”

“Sorry.” Martin could feel how red his face was.

“Martin, are you—are you really ok?” He looked over to see intense concern on Jon’s face, and he knew Jon wasn’t asking about his fall.

“Yeah,” he replied, as reassuringly as he could. “I—I really am.”

Jon didn’t seem convinced, but Tim got Martin’s attention again. “Let’s get lunch. You need a break.”

“Oh, I—I would, but I brought mine today.” He gestured toward the paper sack on the corner of his desk. “I have to leave a bit early, so I thought I’d work through lunch.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I have to go pay some fees and pick up some stuff my old apartment building put in storage.”

“How are you getting there?”

“I was going to take the tube out,” Martin replied, realizing he hadn’t thought it through entirely. “I guess I hadn’t planned for getting back, but it’s just going to be some clothes and stuff for now… I can get a cab if it’s too much.”

“I’ll drive you,” Tim announced.

“Oh, no, thanks. I appreciate it, but—”

“It’s really not a problem.”

Martin considered; having a car really would be a lot more convenient. He didn’t know how much stuff was in storage, and he definitely didn’t know how it had been stored. Maybe it wasn’t even packed. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. Besides, I want to talk with you.” Seeing the look on Martin’s face, he added, “No more questions. Mostly, I want to apologize properly for last week.”

“Well… yeah, ok. If you really don’t mind.”

“Nope. See you after lunch.” Tim headed for the door.

“Thanks,” Martin called after him.

As soon as Tim was gone, Martin turned back to Jon.

“You said you didn’t need help.” It was a statement, not an accusation, but Martin felt like he had to defend himself.

“I don’t! You heard him—he was really insistent. And he does have a car.”

“I can still go,” Jon said.

“It’s not a big thing.”

Jon bit his lip.

“Jon, you’re not feeling great, and I know how important it is to you to—to do your work. It’s fine.”

“You’re important, too.” Again, this was merely a statement, and again, it provoked too strong a reaction from Martin. This one, though, he tried to cover up.

“Yeah, well—I know that. You don’t have to prove it. And… if you’re not busy, or sleeping, you can help me put stuff away when I get home. Deal?”

Jon sighed, but agreed. “Deal,” he said, before turning back to his desk.

***

Martin ended up being very thankful for Tim’s help, and especially for his car. After they stopped by the rental office and he paid his fees, the storage lot was farther than he had imagined. Additionally, while most of his things were in bags, they were heavy contractor bags and there didn’t seem to be any logic as to what had gone where—if he’d come on his own, he would have had to spend a lot of time dumping things out and rearranging all of it to make it manageable. It would have been a pain, even if he had ended up calling a cab. As it was, though, Tim was able to help him with the heavier bags, and he didn’t have to sort everything out on the spot, so they finished with plenty of time.

“Let me get you a drink on the way back,” Tim offered, as he closed the boot on the final bag. “I still owe you an apology.”

“Tim, you just did me a huge favor. You don’t need to—”

“That was helping a friend. Apologies are measured in drinks.”

Martin considered. He did want to go. “Do you mind if I check on Jon?” he asked.

“Go right ahead,” Tim said. “I’ll wait in the car.”

Martin pulled out his phone, and thought about texting, but decided to call. Jon should be home, and that meant there was a good chance he was asleep. The phone did ring a bit long before he picked up.

“Everything all right?” Jon asked, and Martin thought he did sound like he may have just been roused from a nap.

“Yeah. I was actually just calling to ask you that.”

“Well, I’m home.”

“Good. Um… We got done a bit early, and Tim was asking if I wanted to grab a drink. Would you mind if I did?”

“Not at all.”

“Are you sure? Did you eat yet?” Martin asked. He kept his voice low so Tim wouldn’t overhear, although he didn’t exactly know why.

“Not yet.”

“I left one of those frozen meals on top in the freezer for you. Will you eat it?”

“Oh. Yes, of course. Thank you.”

Martin cringed at what he was about to say, but did it anyway. “Would you make it now?”

There was a pause. “Martin, are you serious?”

“Yes? I mean, you don’t have to, but I’d feel better if—”

“Fine.” Jon sighed, and Martin heard the sound of the freezer door opening a few moments later. “I’m doing it. Stop fretting and go have a drink.”

“Ok.” He was relieved. “Jon—thanks.”

“Go.” The call ended, and Martin couldn’t help but smile.

“OK, we’re good,” Martin told Tim as he climbed into the passenger seat. “Sure you won’t let me get it, though?”

“One hundred percent,” Tim answered. “How’s Jon?”

Martin debated whether he should give the polite answer or the real one, and went with something in between. “He’s… ok? To be honest, I’m a little worried about him.”

“Me too.” Tim started the car. “He wasn’t looking good last week when I was around.”

“Yeah?” Martin asked.

“He just seems tired,” Tim continued. “I mean, he’s always tired, ever since I’ve known him, but this is different. Tired and… distracted, I guess. Not like him.”

Martin nodded in agreement. “I’ve been trying to get him to take it easy, but—”

“He doesn’t care much for that, does he?”

“No. No, he does not.” Martin snorted, and Tim gave him a little grin as they headed out.

Soon they were sitting together at a table with a couple of beers in front of them.

“So,” Tim began, “I am officially apologizing for how I acted last week. I was a dick.”

Martin sighed. “No, you weren’t. You were worried, and Jon and I haven’t exactly been easy to—well, easy to anything.”

“Forgive me anyway?”

“If you insist,” Martin replied. “I forgive you, I guess.”

“Thanks. Cheers,” Tim said, holding up his glass. Martin obliged with a clink, and took a polite sip while Tim gulped down about half of what was in his glass.

“And for the record, I still don’t believe that you’re telling us everything, but—well, I imagine you have your reasons. I got to thinking over the weekend,” Tim said, after he had wiped his mouth off with his arm. “Sasha asked me not to say too much, but you know I was looking into some police records last week.”

Martin nodded. “Yeah, did something turn up?”

“Sasha was right. There was more. More than people had come to talk to us about.”

“For instance?”

Well… for instance, there was a kidnapping case about a month back. It turned out to be related to this cult that’s apparently been around forever, but never really done anything before. Not anything worth anyone’s time, anyway. I won’t get into details, I promised Sasha, but some of the officers thought they saw some things that… just shouldn’t have been possible. Not one or two officers, like a lot of them. And they lost some people.”

Martin wanted to ask questions, confirm his suspicions, but after what had happened with Oliver Banks, he didn’t want to push it again. “That’s horrible.”

“And here’s the real kicker.” Tim stopped to take another big drink. “There have been enough of these incidents that they’ve started asking the officers to sign a form saying they won’t talk about it. There’s been sort of an upset over it, actually. It’s all got lots of them pretty nervous, but no one is willing to make any outside statements, either. Not officially.”

Martin nodded again. This was really bad, but if it was happening, it was better that he know. He would tell Jon too, of course.

“Well, anyway, the point was I got to thinking—I know you and Jon disappeared around the same time all of this started. I’m not sure what to make of any of it, but whatever is going on… whatever you went through or feel like you went through, I understand why you might not want to talk about it.”

Martin knew he should say again that couldn’t remember, that he was sure it was nothing like that, it was probably completely unrelated—but he couldn’t. For one thing, it was a terrible lie. Everything Tim had witnessed—the way they had disappeared, the time they were gone, the way they had shown up again—it all fit together. For another thing, he knew he’d already said too much the last time they were out, and if he kept trying to lie he’d just look like an ass. Mostly, though, Martin hated lying to friends, and he couldn’t pretend anymore that this Tim didn’t feel like a friend.

So instead, he just nodded again, and took another sip of his beer.

“Well, if you need anything, I’m here.” Tim finished the remainder of his glass. “Speaking of which—where are we bringing your stuff?”

“Oh.” Martin realized he and Jon had never actually explained their living situation, and he felt the color rise into his face. “Jon’s flat?”

“I figured as much.” Tim leaned toward him. “So is that a long-term situation, or—?”

Martin didn’t know how to answer that, because he realized he didn’t know the answer. When they’d first gotten here, of course, they had just needed somewhere to go, and Jon had clearly wanted him there. Since then, he’d been so worried about Jon that he hadn’t questioned whether or not he should stay; it had just felt obvious that Jon needed him there. He had never actually asked him though, had he?

“I—I don’t know,” he stammered. “I guess we hadn’t talked about it.”

“Oh, god, relax,” Tim groaned. “If Jon didn’t want you there, you’d know. Subtlety is not his strength.”

“Sure.” Tim was basically right, of course. Still, they had been operating in survival mode for so long that maybe Jon hadn’t even realized not living together was an option. Mostly, though, it just wasn’t how people were supposed to move in together. They weren’t supposed to do it because they were scared.

Martin took a much longer sip of his beer, and was grateful when Tim changed the subject.

***

Miraculously, Jon was awake when they got back. He offered to help carry the bags upstairs from the car, but Tim and Martin both insisted he should let them take care of it, and he did seem relieved once he realized how heavy they were. Martin thanked Tim profusely for the help—it really would have taken a lot longer without him—and Tim said again he was happy to do it, and that he was looking forward to getting drinks with both of them sometime soon, when Jon was up for it.

“What did he mean, when I’m up for it?” Jon asked, after he was gone.

“Jon, everyone can tell you’re…” Martin considered what word to use. “Tired.”

“Is it really that bad?”

Martin wanted to ask Jon if that was a joke. Instead, he went with, “Yeah. It is.”

“I didn’t realize.” Jon was nervous. “Do you think Tim suspects anything?”

He decided not to mention that Tim very definitely did; it would only add stress, and that was not what Jon needed right now. He took a different route.

“Tim’s concerned, that’s all. You’re his friend and he’s worried.”

“Am I?”

“Yes. You are. I know there are a lot of complicating factors, and no, he’s not our Tim”—Martin stumbled a little over those words— “but in the simplest terms, he is Tim, and he is our friend.”

Jon sighed. “I’m not sure how friendly he would feel toward me if he knew what I’ve done.”

“What you—” Martin started to protest, but he reconsidered. He’d had enough arguing last night, and as obvious as his own responsibility for everything seemed to him, he doubted Jon would agree. “Never mind. How are you doing?”

“I’m all right,” Jon answered. “Good enough to help you sort through some of this.”

“Oh, Jon, I was just talking, you don’t have to—”

“I want to.” Then, with a slight smile, he added, “I certainly can’t let Tim take all the credit.”

“Right.” Martin shook his head, but also ended up smiling. “So, I’ll warn you—there’s not been a lot of organization. I maybe had to grab a little more than I actually intended.”

Ultimately, they dumped most of it onto the sitting room floor and began to sort everything into piles. Clothes Martin needed, things that could go to the office, some things they could use in the kitchen, stuff to go back to storage. As they sorted, Martin told Jon what he’d learned from Tim, which he suspected was related to the People’s Church of the Divine Host. He also told him about the police officers who had recently been sectioned. Jon nodded in concern while he spoke, but didn’t say much.

Before long, they had sorted out most of the obvious things. Martin was left going through a few boxes that had come along, containing mostly papers and legal documents and breakables and other things that couldn’t easily be thrown into bags.

“Want me to put some clothes away while you’re going through that?” Jon asked.

Martin cleared his throat. “Actually, it kind of came up when I was talking to Tim, and um—well, I realized we never talked about how long I would be staying here.”

“What do you mean, how long?” Jon seemed completely confused.

“Well, I kind of just… moved in. And we never talked about it.”

“What?” Jon asked again.

“You know, normally people talk about this. Moving in together.” Martin shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the floor.

“What did you want to talk about?” Jon asked.

“I mean, this is your place. I know I lost mine, or he lost his, or whatever, and this made sense when we got here, but—”

“Do you not want to be here?”

“What? No, I do, of course I do, but I just assumed it was what you wanted, too.”

“Because it is what I wanted.”

“I just hadn’t asked, that’s all.” Admittedly, Martin was relieved, but it still didn’t feel quite right. “I mean, we kind of had to be together before, and we have more time now to think about things, and I want this to really be a choice going forward because I do want to—well, I know I’m already on your nerves with the—”

“Stop. Listen to me,” Jon said. “I want you here. As long as you want to be here. I choose this.”

“Ok.” Martin stopped trying to explain himself, even though he wasn’t sure Jon really understood. He wasn’t trying to convince Jon he should move out, after all. He just wanted a sense of normalcy, to stop feeling like they were hurtling toward some inevitable doom. He didn’t want every moment to count; he wanted a future. He wasn’t sure how to put that into words, though.

“Can I help pay rent, at least?”

Jon got to his feet and grabbed a stack of shirts that were closest to him. “I really don’t care. At this point, money seems so… mundane.”

“Definitely in the shaving and eating category,” Martin agreed. “Still…”

“If it makes you comfortable, yes, of course.” Jon headed toward the bedroom, and Martin turned his attention back to the boxes in front of him.

He made it most of the way through with no trouble. Most of the things in the boxes could go back into storage; a few things, like his birth certificate, he would keep. And then he found a copy of his mother’s death certificate. He didn’t even have to look at the date to know; he remembered. It had happened here on the exact same day it had happened for him. Everything about it had been the same, actually. Not just when she passed, but all of it; everything about his relationship with her had been exactly the same. He didn’t understand why he felt so much disappointment.

“Martin?” Jon touched his shoulder. “What’s that?”

“Hm?” Martin glanced back and up at Jon.

“It’s just—you’ve been looking at it for five minutes. You haven’t moved.”

“Oh. It’s, um—well, look.” It was easier than saying it. He held it up until Jon recognized it.

“Ah.” Jon set down the clothes in his hand and sat down next to Martin.

“I guess—” Martin sighed. “I guess it was all just so—maybe I’d hoped that they had something to do with it, you know? But they didn’t. They weren’t here then. It was just how she was. And maybe it was how I was, too. Maybe I—”

“No.” Jon leaned against him, and gently rested his hand on the back of his shoulder. “You did nothing wrong.”

“Do you know what Elias showed me? Or Jonah, I guess? While you were—”

“I heard the tape, yes.”

“It was true, wasn’t it? She hated me.”

“She—she was ill, Martin. She loved you when she was well.” Martin nodded, and Jon leaned in even closer. “But just because she loved you doesn’t mean she was a good mother.”

“No. She wasn’t, actually.” Martin closed his eyes, and tried to just appreciate Jon’s presence, his warmth. “She was awful.”

Jon nodded.

“You know, I’ve never told anyone that.” Martin already felt ashamed. “Well, anyone except me.”

“Oh—right.” Jon knew what he meant.

“But it wasn’t her fault.”

“Does it matter if it was?”

“Yes. It does.” Martin tried to ignore the tear that squeezed its way out through his eyelids, because trying to stop them only ever seemed to bring more of them. “Jon—was the other part true too? Do I really look like my—like him?”

Jon hesitated, but eventually answered. “Yes. But that doesn’t mean you’re anything like him.”

“Do you know what he was like?”

“Yes. It was an accident, but I—” Jon paused. “I thought I needed to know what Elias could do, and, well… I couldn’t control it that well then. I saw more than I meant to. Is there anything you want to know?”

Martin felt another hot tear slide down his face, and tried to ignore that one too. “Am I like him?”

“No,” Jon said quietly. “Not at all.”

“Then I don’t need to know anything else.”  A third tear fell, and a fourth, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He raised his arm to wipe his face, but Jon stopped him.

“Sorry. It’s been a long day,” Martin mumbled. “I’m—”

“No.” Jon turned Martin’s head toward him, and wiped his cheek with his thumb. “Don’t apologize.”

“Oh, come on. I’ve seen you cry once, and it was because—”

Jon kissed him.

“Jon—”

“Hush.” Jon crawled over Martin to straddle his lap, and kissed him again. Everything that had been swimming around in Martin’s head—their argument, Peter, his mother—it fell away, and all that was left was Jon. He let himself really breathe for the first time that day, resting his face against Jon’s shirt as they held each other.

“I love you,” Jon told him, when Martin looked at him.

“I love you too.” He turned his face up so Jon could kiss him again.

They stayed there until Jon’s hand gradually dropped from Martin’s face to his neck, and eventually down his arm, and Martin realized he was falling asleep.

“You awake?”

Jon didn’t answer him, and Martin didn’t particularly want to let go—so he picked him up, shifting Jon’s arms to his shoulders and then wrapping his own arms around Jon’s waist. He’d never done it before, but it was surprisingly easy; Jon was disturbingly light. Jon woke up enough to have a moment of panic when Martin stood up, and tightened his grip on Martin’s neck, but quickly relaxed and let himself be carried him to the bedroom.

“You all right?” Martin asked after he set him down on the bed.

“Mm.” Jon turned to lie on his side, and Martin brushed back the hair that had come loose.

“Jon, I’m really worried about you.”

“I’ll be ok,” Jon replied, catching Martin’s hand as he closed his eyes again. “I have you.”

[okamirayne]

Hi Rayne!! Just finished (yet another) re-read of BtB, and I don't think I've cried this hard in a long, long time - it was very cathartic. But, feels aside, I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about Karibi? She's fascinating and I'm just dying to know more! (Sorry if this has been asked before!!)

Hi there, my lovely Anon!

Apologies for the delayed response. Aw, luv.  Always so, so chuffed to learn someone has revisited the series and even more touched to know it hits you in the feels <3.

But, feels aside, I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about Karibi? She's fascinating and I'm just dying to know more! (Sorry if this has been asked before!!)

Karibi! <3 Firstly, no, this hasn’t been asked before, so imagine my excitement regarding an OC ASK -- can you picture it? TREBLE IT. XD 

Another dear Anon asked about Naoki in a previous ASK and I thank you for your expressed interest in Karibi! It’s a funny one because I have two Karibi OCs -- the edited version I inserted into BtB and the original, original version. Given that we’re talking about BtB Karibi...let me rewire my character brain a moment and firmly draw a line or two...or twelve....

Right! A Third War orphan, Karibi grew up in the orphanage outside of Konoha and proved to be quite a handful over the years given her feisty nature, constant escape-attempts, insistence on dressing and behaving like a boy (for which she earned consistent bullying and beatings), and her rough-housing free-for-all scraps with other kids -- as well as her routine habit of stealing food from the kitchens to give to a stray dog who constantly hung around the outskirts of the orphanage. It was easier for her to attach herself this dog than other kids who came and went, just like the voluntary care-givers. Her mischief-making, stealthy tactics, “never stay down” stubbornness and streetwise attitude soon caught the attention of a retired Konoha ANBU veteran (a patron of the orphanage) who interrupted a violent fight between Karibi and a group of local boys who’d stoned the dog to death. Observing how fiercely she fought (always getting up when knocked down) despite being outnumbered and beaten, the ANBU veteran recognized her potential, promptly adopted her, and trained her in ninjutsu, genjutsu and chakra control.

Their relationship was close, until it wasn’t.

Advancing quickly through the academy and ranks – winning zero friends along the way – she was soon put forward for ANBU by her adopted father, who immediately cut his ties to her, damaging an already tentative trust. Intended as a solo agent, she was immediately assigned to a 3-team ANBU unit named Team Yokai consisting of herself, Genma, and Naoki (Captain).

Enter in, bonding.

It was here, after a lot of boundary testing and testosterone busting, that she finally formed some hard-won emotional attachments after beating Genma and Naoki bloody in taijutsu combat – taunting them constantly to get up (“seven times down, eight times up”). While she was promptly one-upped by both in ninjutsu, her genjutsu prowess brought her right back onto an even keel with them both. Perfectly balanced, respect began to form between them – then friendship – which later led to a lover’s trine between the three of them. This was intense but short-lived; Karibi soon recognised that though she loved them both, she preferred women and also realised Genma and Naoki’s feelings for each other went a hell of a lot deeper than ‘close friends with benefits’. She knew they’d fallen for each other before either admitted it to themselves, let alone each other.

The three of them were inseparably close.

They were more than her friends or comrades – they were her family.

They kept each other going.

Karibi allowed Naoki to establish a permanent telepathic link with her whereas Genma only allowed it during missions and in the bedroom. Karibi kept her mind open to Naoki always, though he never intruded until years later after being listed as Killed In Action.

His death blew a hole in their world.

Their team was dismantled.

They would not accept another Captain.

To make matters worse, due to the unbroken telepathic link and the resulting ghost of Naoki’s presence in her head, Karibi never truly believed Naoki had died and her adamant ‘denial’ of this ‘fact’ created a heart-breaking rift between her and Genma.

This rift between them grew darker and wider as Genma turned to solo deep-cover missions and Karibi turned to drink when she wasn’t neck-deep in assassinations and a failed “could’ve been” relationship. And then one day the edge of all the smashed glass bottles in her life looked very, very tempting.

Genma found her, just in time – the first time at least.

Treated and cleared of suicide risk, Karibi was soon diagnosed as schizophrenic given the “voice” of her dead Captain in her head and this threatened her position in the ANBU – but her brokenness caught Danzō’s interest.

After a failed attempt to recover her relationship with her civilian lover and unable to mend the rift between herself and Genma, she signed on for a ROOT initiation mission – which sadly finished what she’d started with the bottle – though it was an impulsive and sudden decision rather than a deeply pre-meditated one. She disobeyed orders when sent into a child-trafficking operation being run out of an orphanage. This was a trigger for her. Rather than complete the ROOT mission of kidnapping a couple of kids for ROOT grooming, she murdered her ROOT partner and slaughtered the “nuns” who were supposed to be taking care of the children rather than indenturing them into the sex-trade to raise funds. When the ninja traffickers showed up, she lit the building on fire, and while the children escaped she made damned sure not one “piece of trash” running the trafficking ring got out alive.

She went down fighting in flames.

Her death was the final crippling blow to Genma. He went to Mizugumo immediately after that. Then he went to his own personal hell before Kakashi met him there in ANBU’s gutter and helped drag him out of it years later, saving him from the same fate as Karibi when he almost identically mirrored the blaze of glory tragedy with his suicide attempt in Tanzaku years later.

Random Trivia:

Karibi loved dogs and often kept an eye out for Inuzuka women looking for a bit of rough and tumble.

She dealt with a lot of possessive shit from Naoki. He was very possessive of his family/lovers and was only just about able to accept Karibi being intimate with others, even after he’d stopped sleeping with her. Genma always joked that Naoki only accepted her activities because her preference was for women, not men.

Karibi, like Naoki, felt strongly about the abuse of children, given certain illicit incidents she’d witnessed at the orphanage -- she and Genma understood Naoki’s childhood trauma and were the only ones who could handle him when he flew into a rare rage

Her favourite catchphrase was “seven times down, eight times up” (“Nana korobi, ya oki” which means “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” It means choosing to never give up hope, and to always strive for more.)

While her ANBU step-parent/mentor abandoned her in the end, she retained the green knit scarf he gifted her (the only gift she’d ever received from him other than her training and removal from the orphanage)

She began to fall for a civilian woman -- the scariest thing for her, other than losing her teammates.

Karibi’s top value was “resilience” and never giving up – which made her suicide attempt so painful for Genma to accept

She turned to Naoki for help retrieving memories about her parents – this enabled him to perfect his own kinjutsu to reverse memory erasure

She had a plethora of ear piercings and a tattoo Naoki inked on her hip

She loved various green teas

She had a crush on Kurenai – round about the same time Genma did, which made for an interesting competition between them….and a somewhat unfair irritation towards Asuma.

She was a bit of magpie in the ANBU and stole items on missions, donating them privately to the orphanage

She loved berry-picking and was very well-versed with poisons

Genma gave her chickenpox and she gave him hell for it

She almost managed to shove a spinning top up Genma’s ass – almost.

Genma accidentally broke her baby finger playing “thumb wars” and it never set properly on the joint, causing her to have a crooked little finger

Most of her illusion/genjutsu techniques focus around folklore creatures and light, which came in handy on missions dealing with highly suspicious village folk

Her dream goal was to one day be Goei Shotai to a female Hokage – a dream Genma later lived out for her when Tsunade came into power

Naoki was with her telepahtically when she died, as Genma was with Naoki when he died -- in that way, Karibi was not as alone in death as Genma always feared.

Wow, that was LONG.  Sorry, Anon! I absolutely love character-writing and development....I get carried away even if most of their story never makes it into the actual written piece. Thank you for asking about Karibi, I hope this insight gives you some answers! <3

[chaoswillfallrpg]

CLAUDETTE DELACOUR is TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD and a AUROR in THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. She looks remarkably like VANESSA KIRBY and considers herself NEUTRAL. She is currently TAKEN.

→ OVERVIEW: 

Charming yet calculated, Claudette Delacour is not one to be underestimated. Born into a pure bloodline, Claudette grew up with three siblings, LYNETTE, DOMINIQUE and youngest AIMEE. All of whom, held more of a taste for the lifestyle in one pinkie finger than Claudette held in her whole body. Palaces, balls, banquets and the allure of the french aristocracy; all sounds like something plucked from many girl’s fantasies. Though the fairytale was never quite the reality. Despite the grandeur, being a highly respected family came with its own set of standards and classifications that she could never grasp. Rules and regulations for things that seemed so inconvenient and tedious the young witch had no right mind about following them. Instead she would spend her days in the gardens or observing the muggle folk who lived in the village; often hiding among them and finding their company more riveting than any of that from their manor home. Thankful that atleast she had some freedom in comparison to her older siblings who were being trained how to hold grace in high society so they could carry on the family name. Her home left Claudette longing for a sense of normality and simplicity. Despite her lack of interest in high society, she always held a sense of nobility and honor.  

After her uncle abandoned the pureblood line disgracing the family; her father stepped up as the sole male air. The line passed down to a man who in truth never wanted to be seen so high, though his love for his family outweighed any of his desires. Out of any of the Delacour children, Claudette was most like her father. Head strong and grounded in a sense of reality, with a love for people rather than materials. The last thing Claudette intended to do was disappoint her family like her uncle had. As much as she longed for a simple and normal life; she knew it was merely a fantasy and something she can never truly have. Instead she bit her tongue, stood straighter and smiled, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t throw in a quick witted remark here and there. Even if it meant putting noble wizards and witches in their place. Etiquette lessons had never been her favourite, but she tried and held an air of grace effortlessly after a while. Playing pretend in the day only to escape out of windows in the night to spent time in the muggle village. She found comfort in the small things. Despite her tedious life of rules and over bearing mother - whom in her eyes she could never seem to do anything right -, Claudette managed through and it wasn’t long before she attended Beaxbatons, following her siblings before her. 

Beaxbatons was somewhat difficult for Claudette. She wasn’t the stereotypical ‘girl’ and found friendships with the boys such as RAPHAEL FRANCOIS, particularly through GABRIEL DUMONT. The pair had know each other through parties in their youth but never formed a connection until school. Though rumors piled of a fleeting romance between the two; to them it was out of the question. The notion always leaving a displeased expression on both of their faces. They’d escape to the ground, dueling with one another and acting as each other’s wing man particularly at parties. While many of the girls spent their days gushing about romance, brewing beauty potions and braiding their hair like her sister Lynette, Claudette saw no interest in it. Luickly with her free spirit and determination to stand up for others, she found her people eventually; particularly in Muggle-Born JACQUELINE LEJEUNE. The pair became quick friends after Claude stood against ALEXANDRA ROSIER in Jacqueline’s defense. While her oldest sister seemed to be making friends with all the ‘right people’ in their mother’s eyes, Claude made genuine friendships often occupied with her younger sister who she was particularly close with. Days outside of school were spent slipping out of aristocratic affairs organised by her mother to drink the night away in hope to deal with their often insufferable families.  

Though the summers brought more time with her father. it became clear that she had a more politically inclined mind. Taking to her father’s work within the French ministry, Claudette became inquisitive, with a growing desire to learn; both about France and overseas politics. Leading to her quick decision to study to become an auror much to her mother’s dismay. She excelled in her studies, although she was often in trouble for her quick wit and somewhat cold and prejudiced demeanor; she was an excellent student. After graduation things seemingly seemed to be going well for the woman. Acquiring a job as an Auror within the Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France; she’d found a profession she loved and quickly a witch in whom to hold her dear affection as well. EVANGELINE SELWYN, was someone that Claudette never expected. A summer of a whirlwind romance the pair quickly fell deeply for one another. Spending days encapsulated in each other’s arms the problems of the world seemed to evaporate at the simple brush of a hand. Despite having to hide their relationship from Claudette’s family, the pair were passionately connected. Eva’s summer turned to years. Having met at twenty two, after four years together it felt as though nothing else could pull them apart. Unfortunately fate had other plans.  

With her daughter’s relationship unbeknown to her, Claudette’s mother took it upon herself to orchestrate an arranged marriage to pureblood ALEXANDER TREMBLAY. A highly respected match that would bring a strong continued connection to her family; the mere idea left Claudette outraged. Having sacrificed her freedom and liberties for so many years, her heart was non-negotiable. Craving the ability to love freely, she refused. Because unknown to her parents she’d been planning to marry Evageline. Harboring dreams of running away together to start a new life where they would both be untouched by their families pureblood views and the legacy that had been placed upon them. Though on the night prior to her leaving with Evageline, Claudette had visited her family for the last time to share the news with her siblings, gather minimal belongings and leave a letter for her parents. Plans of a quick escape were quickly riffled, with her mother discovering Claudette’s intentions, locked the witch in her room. Charmed locks, no wand and no means of escape. Claiming it was for her own good, with a refusal that she couldn’t stand ideally and let her ruin the family for a ‘wishful fantasy’. A resentment grew deep within Claudette, despite efforts to contact Evageline, it was too late. From word from Gabriel, she’d left back to England heart broken thinking Claudette had changed her mind. 

With the love of her life gone, Claudette caved. Accepting the arranged hand of Alexander for her family, though of course that didn’t mean she would do it gladly. Having spent very little time with her so-called ‘beloved fiance’ didn’t settle her any less; quite frankly a day that many women dreamed about, was one she was slowly and un-secretly dreading. The resent she held towards her mother rooted deep, leaving her unable to not hold part of the blame to Alexander. Holding him in part guilty for her unhappiness and loss of everything she held dear. Cold and aloof, to say she is making it difficult for the male is an understatement. Holding prejudices and judgments for a person whom she doesn’t even know his favourite colour, leaving his frustration and exasperation clear. Though with rumors of war breaking across the sea in England; Claudette still can’t help but fear for what happened to Evangeline despite the year passing between them. Disguising it as offering to ‘play happy finance’ and move to be closer to her ‘betrothed’, she offered to transfer to the Ministry of Magic to aid in the help against the growing Dark Wizard. Knowing her heart is really set on protecting one particular English witch no matter the cost.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status →  Pure-Blood

Pronouns → She/Her

Identification → Cis Female 

Sexuality  → Bisexual

Relationship Status → Engaged to Alexander Tremblay (arranged)

Previous Education → Beauxbatons Academy of Magic

Family → Lynette Wilkes (sister), Dominique Delacour (brother), Aimee Delacour (sister), Ophelia Delacour (estranged cousin), Castor Wilkes (in-law)

Connections → Gabriel Dumont (best friend) Jaqueline Lejeune (best friend), Evangeline Selwyn (ex-girlfriend/potential love interest), Alexander Tremblay (fiancé/potential love interest), Amos Diggory (colleague/friend), Alexandra Rosier (adversary), Amelia Bones (flirtation/possible romantic liaison), Raphael Francois (close friend)

Future Information → Aunt of Fleur and Gabrielle Delacour

CLAUDETTE DELACOUR IS A LEVEL 7 WITCH.