#all the other few times Dazai has fucked up it made sense and felt like realistic mistakes he'd make even with how smart he is

[dazais-guardian-angel]

also I honestly hate Dazai's sudden bullshit theory about Hawthorne's blood bullets to explain how Fyodor killed the soldier at the end of the cannibalism arc, and the fact that this somehow never even occurred to him until now. Normally I do love seeing Dazai be wrong and be shocked/taken off guard for once, it's way too rare and needs to happen a lot more for how goddamn OP he is the rest of the time, but in this case instead of making him feel human from making a natural mistake (forgetting about Q, pinning the wrong person as Fyodor during the helicopter search in cannibalism), it just makes him look incredibly dumb to somehow not have foreseen this before now. Up till this point he's been 5D chess masterminding the shit out of everything, but somehow it didn't even occur to him that Fyodor might not actually be dead for real....... and all it took to make him think that was Sigma viewing his memories? Back when the cannibalism incident happened, the panels seem to indicate that he might know more about Fyodor's ability than he's letting on, but now it's confirmed that he never really knew anything at all, so that part was meaningless I guess...

The Hawthorne theory is so ludicrously out there, but it's in-line with all the other insanely out there things Dazai has been right about before, so it's probably correct lmao; it's just, WHY did he not come up with it until now??? The answer is of course that he didn't realize it until the Plot needed him to, and it's so frustratingly evident. 🫠 As convoluted as this twist is, I honestly wouldn't mind it if it had come from Fyodor himself after he inevitably comes back to taunt Dazai and co — I actually think it doesn't contradict everything else we've seen, because imo there's a difference between the soldier grabbing Fyodor's arm (clear contact), and when Fyodor lightly held his finger over Karma's forehead and most likely used his real ability there, just like he said he did. I think it's neat to think that we were all misdirected by the "Fyodor's ability works through direct contact" thing just because Dazai is the one who first said it, since we're so used to Dazai being right. But I wish Dazai hadn't figured out the truth all on his own so suddenly, doing a complete 180 from like two chapters ago, cause it just makes him look stupid. It doesn't feel like a natural mistake, it just feels like the plot forcing him to be dumb until it needs him to be smart again, which is really noticeable for a character otherwise so insanely smart as Dazai.

[oliverwolfboy]

Where are my bsd tma crossovers and aus!? Like what the fuck are you guys doing this has so much unexplored potential. I don't care if you do it with abilities or without, I just want my bsd tma au fics, and not just trying to make the bsd characters into the archive staff, or just having the bsd characters show up in the archive and beat everythings ass including the entities somehow even though the entities can't be beat EVEN with gravity, because Oh mY gOD sO sTroNg. No no no no I want to see them struggle, I want to see one of them get trapped, taken by the buried, went to the circus of the other and never come out, or something that is new and not one of the avatars from the og podcast, just something, even better don't have Ranpo figuring it out immediately, because number 1) that is just unrealistic even by Ranpo standereds, Ranpo is a man of logic, even if he does make some lapses in logic, but those lapses are possible to the world they are in, and we only really take them as lapses because we can't see Ranpo's process of thought, if we could see his thoughts then these lapses would probably make sense, however metaphysical entities (or possibly just one entity with a lot of variation) made of the fear of all living beings is nowhere near logical even in a world with abilites, which is another problem for Ranpo, because any avatars or weird shit could be blamed on abilites, of course it can't just be blamed on abilites forever, there are archives after all (archives and not archive because in the canon of tma there are shown to be multiple archives, which also brings up the possiblity of multiple archivists at the same time, which is something i chose to believe in) and there wouldn't be archives or at least not to the public, if none thought what they saw was supernatural. Ranpo also wouldn't have access to the actual archive only the library where there is barely anything of actaul note, which brings me to number 2) it could make Ranpo an eye avatar, now why isn't Ranpo already an eye avatar? Because he's never actually had to try, he always figures it out in just a few seconds so he's never really felt that drive to know, never had that feeling of curiosity or the need to know even if it kills you, because he has always known, but now he doesn't, there is to much missing, he can try and find solutions that might work but none of them feel right, like there is some missing puzzle piece that he can't for the life wrap his head around, this has never happend before even with Dazai, though he struggle figured out most of it at least, not this time, this time he has nothing, no idea of what is going on, he is stuck in a desert and ever time he thinks he sees water, or just some kind of salvation it turns out to be a hallucination, a concoction from the mind of a desperate man, and this is where shame sets in, because if he can't solve something so simple then could he really call the greatest detective, and this shame transforms into that need, that need to know even if it kills him. Now there is a lot of places you can take this idea, will Ranpo go to his local spooky eye place? Will he be a freelancer? Well it is almost a guarantee that he will drive away the other members of the detective agency with his obsession. Of course you can come up with your own ideas. This is just one of many ideas i have, and i am probably also going to post some of them too. Now onto a real question how are avatars going to attack ability users, well the entities are very adaptable, in the og podcast they just had to deal with normal humans, now however since there are gifted they are most likely going to make stronger avatars, plus because of gifted the avatars will have to be smarter about how they go about their hunting, also there are probably also going to be gifted avatars, but case and point the entities and avatars are going to adapt, so they will always be at the top of the good chain. Also Hunt avatar bram gooo bruh

[amusedyan]

Labyrinthian

This fucking thing has been the source of my fucking writer’s block for months and I FINALLY GOT THIS THING FINISHED!

Featuring cryptic Trickster Eldritch Labyrinth god Dazai

The labyrinth was unending, unyielding. The walls themselves so tall that you had to crane your neck to see the sky- it had gone dark, and the stars? Forget it. You would be so lucky to see stars in this hell.

When the king had called for a sacrifice, you had been one of the many offered. Dressed in white for the offering, and forcefully purified, you had been let loose in the labyrinth, fodder for the creature inside. Because of your sacrifice, the headman had said, you thought venomously, the kingdom would be safe, the monster sated for one more year.

And what of the next year?

“Short sighted bastards,” you spat on the ground and marched forward. Marched to your death, maybe. Probably even. But you had to keep moving. If you stopped, if you gave in, then fear and hopelessness would overcome you.

You didn’t want to die. But if you had a choice, then you’d rather die on your feet than in a crouch, crying in despair.

Already it was at your heels, following you. As you alternately hurried, walked, marched or sprinted through the stone paths you would find horrible mementos of the past sacrifices- bones, dried and flaking blood, severed limbs or shredded clothes, similar to what you wore. You prayed over each other them- not to the gods who had trapped that Thing here, but to the souls of your predecessors. May they be at rest and free from pain, fear, and the machinations of the living and immortal.

The Thing in the labyrinth was a god. Was, but now he was an immortal thing with the human hunger, cast down by the pantheon and sealed here.

Your stomach growled uncomfortably.

There wasn’t much to be done about that, though- you had been given limited rations, and you wanted to make them last, unappetizing as they were.

So on you went- with no direction and no way to mark where you’d been.

But time dragged on, and eventually your anger and your fear fled, and you had nothing but hunger, thirst, and exhaustion waiting for you and slowing you down.

It wasn’t fair, you thought. The despair had caught up with you, and you could feel your eyes burning. “I’ll save my tears,” you muttered, rounding a corner. By now you were leaning on a wall. If the monster found you, you would die for sure.

But instead of more endless stone walls, you saw trees, and water. For an absurd moment, you thought that you had found the way out. But as you stepped into the clearing, you saw more walls around it, and you understood.

This was a garden.

But it was a garden, and that meant water and hopefully food, so that was something.

You drank from the water until you threw up, and then drank some more. The water was cold and clear, and you had never tasted something so sweet in your life. You dipped your feet in to calm the ache next and closed your eyes. You couldn’t relax, but you could rest here.

It felt safe, like the air itself had taken a moment to let itself go.

“How could something so beautiful exist in such an ugly place?” You wondered out loud.

When your feet grew numb, you began to look for food. And, luckily, you didn’t have to look long.

“Fruit trees,” you breathed in wonder. All of them were fruit trees.

You’d never been much of a tree climber as a kid, but hunger bred desperation, and like a monkey you were scrabbling up and up to the first stable branch.

You ate 3 apples and dropped some more to the ground before climbing down, more carefully than you had climbed up. Your belly full and your thirst quenched, you finally succumbed and fell asleep beneath the tree. And no matter your intentions, it was a deep sleep, dreamless and dark.

-x-

You woke, completely relaxed under a late morning sky.

The sky?

And more than that- there was a smell

The smell of apples cooking.

When you raised your head you saw a young man wearing the white garb of the sacrificed. He was bandaged, but he still smiled when he caught your eye.

“You’re up.” He waved, and you found yourself wandering over. “Sorry, I just saw the garden and I was so hungry. Did I scare you?”

“No.” And it was the truth. “I didn’t see you with the other sacrifices.”

“There are several gates.” He shrugged. “One in each of the cardinal directions. I came in the West.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Your expression hardened. “If all the food comes in the same gate then the meal is all at once and the sacrifices would have to be more than once a year.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Here, I roasted a few for you, too.” He handed you a spit on which two apples were speared.

“Thank you,” you took them gratefully, and introduced yourself.

His name was Dazai, he told you. He was from a port kingdom. Over breakfast he described the sea and the ships, and you listened eagerly. Before the sacrifice, you’d never been anywhere but your home village and the market.

“Have you seen anyone besides me?” You asked, despite yourself. It felt like a cloud had passed over you both, and you shivered involuntarily.

Dazai looked down at the fire and sighed. “No one alive,” he said very quietly.

“I…was afraid of that.” You admitted, and you both went quiet. You ate your apples while they were still warm.

After awhile, Dazai cleared his throat and you looked t him again.

“Would you like to run with me?” He invited.

The idea…wasn’t a horrible one, in all honesty. In the very least, you thought darkly, you could trip him up and use him as a distraction if you were found by the monster. But more than that, you wanted company.

The two of you filled your respective waterskins and packed away as many apples as you could carry. Dazai took some of the charcoal from the dead fire. “We can mark our way with it.” He explained. It was a risk, but a calculated one; if you knew which direction you had come from then the monster surely could as well.

You and Dazai began to walk and you felt much more relaxed with someone at your side. It was as like the labyrinth itself was cleansed. It wasn’t as scary with someone else, you decided.

For lack of anything better to do, you compared notes on the creature in the labyrinth.

“My home says that the gods cast him down for his cruelty,” you recounted. “They sealed him here- once you’re in, you can’t escape.” You swallowed nervously. “But that part can’t be true. There has to be another way out.”

“He wasn’t a god,” Dazai scoffed as you backtracked, marking on the wall that the passage was a dead end. “He came Before the pantheon.”

You frowned. “There was a before?”

“Honestly,” he sounded s disappointed. “What are they teaching people nowadays. Yes, there was a before. The Old Ones were first, and when the New rose, there was war. The Labyrinth God weighed his options and helped overthrow his people.”

“Why would he betray the Old Ones?” You wondered. “Wouldn’t he have loyalty for his people?”

“It wasn’t about loyalty.” Like he was explaining things to a child, Dazai broke it down. “You have to look at the bigger picture- there was a war and it had to end. The Labyrinth God looked at the outcomes and made a sacrifice for the lesser damage.”

“And it made him cruel?”

“No. It made him a liability. They cast him out, stripped him of his divinity and created the labyrinth. And here we are.” He squinted up at the sky. “Well, at least we don’t have to deal with straight sunlight,” he grumbled.

But something made you suspicious. “How do you know so much about it? I thought you came from a port town?”

“I do. But my family were scholars.” He shrugged.

“Oh. And they just…surrendered you?”

“Well, it was only me. And it wasn’t like they liked me much to begin with.” He chuckled, and you felt a momentary stab of both guilt and pity. You had people on the outside to get back to, and Dazai just…didn’t want to die here.

Well, maybe you could bring him back with you.

But you didn’t voice that idea, you weren’t stupid. A. you didn’t want to offend him, and B. You didn’t really trust him, not just yet.

So on and on you walked. More than once you hit dead ends and had to go back, or somehow circled back around. Several times you swore you heard the growling of the god in question. Those times bot you and Dazai froze and listened, pressed against the wall, trying to judge just how far away it was. The final time, the ground shook as it passed by the next passage over, and you could feel a scream welling up in your throat.

But it passed, and you both waited and waited for ages before going on, slowly and silently, all talk gone.

That night there was another garden, this one more lovely than the night before, with animals and birds. The lake was a little river, and again you both refreshed and rested yourselves. There were pear trees this time, and pomegranates. All the fruit was delicious raw, but there was something satisfying about cooking them and eating them warm.

“Gosh the stars are pretty,” you observed, leaning back. Across the fire, Dazai looked up and softened at the sight of them.

“Yeah. They are.”

You both slept, huddled together for warmth as the fire died.

-x-

And on the third day, the environment of the labyrinth changed. The stones themselves were different, and the walls…

“It’s almost welcoming,” you breathed in wonder.

“It is, isn’t it?” Dazai reached out and touched the stone experimentally.

Remarlably, you found yourself led to some stairs. Stairs, of all things. Up and up you both walked. Why hadn’t you seen any sign of this in the labyrinth?

At the top of the staircase, you saw a palace.

You could smell food now, and your stomach growled for food that wasn’t just roasted fruit.

“Hungry?” Dazai elbowed you playfully.

“A little,” you nudged him back.

There was something strange about all this, you realized, but you were curious. “Let’s investigate.” Dazai declared, leading the way.

The palace was lit and clean, incense scented the air. It was lived in, clearly.

“Is this the monster’s home?” It was so…civilized. What sort of prison was this? One filled with art and delicate vases and décor.

You both followed the smell of food through gardens and rooms and halls, finally finding tables already laid.

“It’s like a celebration.”

Why was your heart pounding?

There was a terrible growl and you froze.

It was here.

“Relax,” Dazai laughed, picking up a goblet. “There’s nothing to fear.”

“Are you insane?” You snapped, grabbing his sleeve. “It’s here- it’ll eat us Dazai, we have to move!” This was a horrible idea, what had possessed you to come inside like this?

The palace shook under Its footsteps, you were running out of time.

He’d gone insane, clearly, but could you really just abandon him to his fate here?

Yes.

Your survival…

You ran in the other direction, and Dazai’s wild laughter was as loud as the growling, snarling, howling beast that you were trying to flee.

Deeper into It’s lair you ran, your lungs on fire. You didn’t think about Dazai, because it didn’t matter. One foot in front of the other, you ignored everything. There had to be a way out of the palace, a way out.

You burst into a garden in full bloom, but no sooner had you registered that it was grass beneath your feet then you lost your footing, and you fell. And it was hard. Dazed, you lay there, shaking. It was behind you- you could smell the crackle of ozone, hear the footsteps.

But then what you heard was clapping.

“You did so well,” Dazai singsonged, patting you on the shoulder. “I had so much fun. But the game is over, darling, and I think that I want to claim my prize.”

You looked up at him and tried to process just what the hell he was talking about over the racing of your heart.

“Your…prize?”

His kiss was not gentle. It was hungry, eager and impatient.

“You ran and I gave chase. It’s the first time a sacrifice has become more than a meal.”

“What…what am I then?”

“Mine. And there will never be another.”

[carpe-somnium]

The night Dazai left the Port Mafia

They entered the seemingly small chapel, after Chuuya had his fun with the guards outside. Pathetic, they could at least have made it a little harder for him. It was boringly easy for him to beat them up and stack them in a pile. Dazai sighed dramatically as he took the first step down the dark hardwood steps.

“Dammit. This is the worst day in years.”

He waved his hand to underline the statement. The Worst day in years, eh? Chuuya thought about this for a second. Usually, he doesn’t really keep track of his worst days; only if they were pure horror, so it was hard not to think about them. That unwillingly made him think about the worst day he had in the past couple of years.

“Yo Dazai, ever heard of Pétrus?”

He didn’t really know why he decided to bring up the topic. Maybe it was to rub it into Dazai’s face, how much he did not miss him at all.

“The flabbergastingly expensive wine.”

Dazai almost sounded bored as he answered Chuuya’s question. Probably because Chuuya always talks about wine, or at least thats what was Dazai’s impression of him. He didn’t really listen closely to the Chibi, anyway.

“The night you vanished from the organization, I opened an ’89 bottle in celebration.”

To keep up with Dazai’s pace, Chuuya jumped down a small set of stairs, and gracefully landed on one of the platforms, which was a turning point of the staircase, without making a sound.

“That’s how sick of you I was.”

Now he has said it. He didn’t ever bother telling anybody about this, since there was nobody who could have seen him that day, anyway. But for some reason, the urge to tell it directly to Dazai’s face the first time they were on a mission again, was just too big.

“I remember setting a bomb under your car that night.”

“That was your doing?!”

That actually explained a lot. Chuuya would never admit it, but this was the defining reason, why he didn’t go and look for Dazai that night, and instead drank the entire bottle of wine. He often had wondered if it was a coincidence, that his car had blown up, just as he pressed the remote button to unlock it. Dazai must have known, that he would always press it, when he was a few meters away from his car, out of an impatient habit. He didn’t even have a scratch in the end, despite his car blowing up into a million pieces.

All of that has happened on a breezy autumn day. Chuuya had woken up with a strange feeling in his guts that morning, but he didn’t give into it. He had a solo mission this day, a very welcome alteration to his usual partner-missions he had with Dazai. It would cost him fewer nerves if he was on his own. The mission was relatively simple, so it was clear from the start that there would be no scenario where he would have had to use corruption. This was reserved to difficult partner-missions with dimwit Dazai so there was at least a chance of survival for him.

When Chuuya returned from his mission however, the atmosphere in the Port Mafias headquarters had changed. Everybody seemed to be on edge, the air basically felt electric. It only fuelled his bad gut feeling, but still he didn’t give in. He probably had eaten something wrong that day.

Chuuya returned to Mori’s office to give him a first report of his successful mission and the files he had acquired. With a smug grin on his lips, he walked up to the Port Mafias leader and stretched out his hand with the files. He told the leader briefly how the mission went along and concluded it by saying: “It went even smoother than we thought. No problem at all.”

Mori took the files with a small smile and nodded. “Thank you Chuuya. You can rest now.” That was weird. Usually, he at least suggested writing down a report, just in case there would be issues concerning the mission in the future. He shrugged it off and thanked Mori as he went to the door. When Chuuya’s gloved hand touched the doorknob, he heard Mori clear his throat, so he turned around to face his boss, who was still sitting in his chair.

“Oh before I forget it... Unfortunately, Dazai left our organization today when you were away on that mission. For future missions, you will need a new partner.”

Chuuya froze in place, his hand clenching around the doorknob. His bad gut feeling instantly exploded into a rush of shock that washed over the redhead without warning. Dazai left our organization today. He repeated Mori’s words in his head a few times, until he realized that he was still standing in front of the door and had been staring at it, instead of opening it.

“Very well... Thank you for informing me. I’m glad that I don’t have to babysit this waste of bandages any more.”

Chuuya opened the door and walked out of Mori’s office, his body feeling weirdly numb all of a sudden. He didn’t understand why he was so shocked. Why wasn’t he running down the halls, cheering on top of his lungs because that bastard was gone? Instead, he had to force himself to walk down the hallway.

Dazai left our organization today.

Dazai left our organization today.

Dazai left our organization today.

Mori’s words repeated on the inside of his skull, over and over again. They seemed to burn themselves into his body, he just couldn’t stop thinking about this. He had to find Dazai. Convince him to come back. This was clearly a mistake. One of his sick jokes that he liked to pull. He can’t be gone. Not like this. Not without saying a damn word to his partner. But on the other hand... why would he have said anything? They hated each other, right?

Without thinking too much about his actions, Chuuya went to the parking spots on the back of the building. Down the stairs, not making eye contact with anybody on the way. They all better minded their own businesses. With an unnecessary amount of  force, Chuuya kicked the backdoor open - or more like kicked the door out of its angles. At this point, he saw red. If he found that damn boy, he would beat him up until he came to his senses. It just wasn’t fair to leave him - no, to leave the Port Mafia - like this!

Chuuya pressed the small emblem button on the keys of his BMW to unlock it, still walking forward in the direction his car was parked. Not even a second later, the world went silent. It forced Chuuya to stop dead in his tracks for the second time in the span of not even an hour. He watched in a strange state of awe and shock how his red BMW exploded in front of his eyes. Instinctively, he started manipulating his own gravity, so nothing would hit him, but that was almost unnecessary. Almost like the person who had placed the bomb knew he would stand far enough away to leave the scene without a scratch. Even though this really sounded like a Dazai kind of thing, he couldn’t quite believe it.

And that was the exact moment, when Chuuya gave in to all the feelings that had built up inside him that day. He dropped to his knees, his own gravity manipulated, so he was ten times heavier than usual, and started to scream on top of his lungs. It felt good to scream. It felt good to destroy. It felt good to have the rage pump through his veins like hot poison, fuelling his frustration even more.

He didn’t know how long he had sat there on his knees, screaming out the frustration and anger that had built up in his body all day, but eventually his throat became sore and not a single sound escaped through his lips any more. This idiot. This fucking idiot. He always knew how to tease Chuuya until he basically exploded with rage, just as his car did right in front of his eyes. Dazai was probably hiding somewhere around, right? Laughing about his success. Breaking the charade. Laughing at Chuuya because he actually believed that Dazai had left the Port Mafia. That Dazai had left him. But Chuuya didn’t hear laughter. He didn’t see a mop of brown hair or a lanky idiot wrapped in bandages. A burning car and a destroyed parking lot, that’s all there was.

Chuuya got up and wiped some dirt off his pants. He took a quick look around in the parking lot, hoping that nobody had seen his silly outburst. And then he started to laugh. Laughed about himself. About how stupid he was. He was finally free, wasn’t he? So why not enjoy the newfound peace? Without noticing it, he had started to cry. Hot drops of salty tears had started trailing down his cheeks. Probably due to the thick smoke that came off the car wreck. A little annoyed, he wiped the tears off his face and went back inside, silently still cursing Dazai as he went to his room.

When he entered the room, Chuuya slammed the door shut behind him with a loud bang. He stripped out of his coat and vest, which smelled like smoke, and carelessly threw both to the ground, shoes and hat following them only seconds later. Chuuya went to the small cabinet that had his most prized possessions in it - a lot of very old wine bottles. With a quick look around the cabinet, he found what he was looking for. The slightly dusty bottle of ‘89 Pétrus looked like just what he wanted to celebrate with. He grabbed the bottle and opened it by manipulating the cork’s gravity a bit. That was one of the most useful things, his ability allowed him to do.

He grabbed one of his lead crystal wine glasses and poured some wine into it, after he sat down in the leather chair next to the window, that was facing the port. The first sip of the expensive wine felt like the first breath after you had your head underwater for a while. It filled up Chuuya’s senses. The slightly sweet smell in his nose, accompanied by a sweet and sour taste in his mouth and the alcohol quickly spreading throughout his body, numbing some of the tension that had built up inside. He would never admit it, but Chuuya was actually a bit of a lightweight, so the effect of the alcohol kicked in pretty quickly. But it wasn’t enough to make him forget why he started celebrating.

Drinking actually had a reverse effect on him: He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just why would he leave without a word? Chuuya just couldn’t understand it. He had to understand it. Even if they were bickering all the time, deep down he still cared about the suicidal maniac that was - no, used to be - his partner.

One glass of wine followed another, unitl the bottle was empty way too quickly for Chuuyas liking. He had drank it all on his own and ended up laying on the floor, staring holes in the ceiling. His thoughts eventually got slowed down by the alcohol that intoxicated his body. He cursed Dazai’s name so often in those lonely hours in his room, slightly hoping that would be enough to summon that damn demon. But Dazai didn’t come. So he fell asleep like this, cursing Dazais name, curled up into on the floor.

The demon whose name was cursed by a small redhead miles away meanwhile sat in his favourite bar. Alone and unbothered by anything. He had done what Odasaku had told him: Dazai had left the mafia. Why was he feeling so shitty then? It already felt like he was missing something, even though it hadn’t been more than a few hours since he had walked off the Port Mafias grounds. Before leaving, he had left a bomb in Chuuya’s car, just in case. He knew that his ex-partner was impulsive and would try to chase him down and therefore making himself a traitor, too. But he also knew how important the Port Mafia was to Chuuya, so he just took this as an extra measure to save Chuuya from himself. It was just fair. His goodbye present. Dazai raised his glass to an invisible audience and then drank to his newfound freedom.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: I looked everywhere but couldn’t find any clue about what Chuuya’s car might have looked like. Since he’s probably an aggressive driver, I had to decide between Audi and BMW but went with a BMW (a bit biased on this one :D). His red bike set the colour choice. If you happen to know what his car really looked like, please let me know, and I will change it!

Ao3-Link:

[straycat-writes]

I know it's not on the fluffy Valentine's day prompt list but could I ask for headcanons of Chuuya’s and your favorite BSDs character’s S/Os (separately) coming to their work to surprise them with flowers and a card? Also which characters do you wish you got more requests for. I love your writing but sometimes I can't think of which character I want when requests are open. I hope this makes sense and Tumblr doesn't eat it.) Have a happy Feburary!!!

[I knowww you said headcanons, but...idk how this happens, I’m sorry :( As for my favourite bsd character, we all know it’s Dazai xD]

Flowers For Him

Nakahara Chuuya:

Going to see Chuuya at his work is quite a task because you have to go through so much security to even get into the building. The people know and recognize you, but with the kind of organization they are, there’s no such thing as too much caution.

Still, it’s all worth it when you finally get to see him.

He had just got back from an overseas mission a few days ago, and you knew he would be busier than usual, tying up all the loose ends. But you didn’t expect the gigantic pile of paperwork sitting on his desk as you entered.

So stressfully immersed in working on multiple files at ones, Chuuya didn’t even notice your presence for a while. Holding the bouquet of flowers you had brought behind your back, you went up to him.

“Do I have to compete with those files for your attention now?”

He looked up, face lighting up instantly like a Christmas tree, “Hey, (y/n). What are you doing here?”

You pouted, “Is that how you greet the one great love of your life? And when I brought something for you too.”

“Aside from your cute ass, you mean?”

Your cheeks heated up, and you quickly pushed the bouquet in front of him, “Flowers! I brought you flowers, you moron…”

He laughed, taking the bouquet of flowers from your hands, “Thanks, babe. They’re lovely.”

Your face fell a little. You had been hoping for a little more than that, or for him to at least wish you a happy Valentine’s. But maybe amidst all the work he was buried in, it had slipped his mind.

You forced a smile onto your face, “Okay, I guess I’ll see you at home, then.”

You had just begun to leave when his hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you backwards and down onto his lap. The sudden movement knocked the air out of your lungs.

With one arm wrapped around your waist, he used the other hand to gently turn your face towards him, “And where do you think you’re going?”

Something about being so close to Chuuya seemed to steal all words from your lips, and you were left merely stuttering for something to say.

He smirked, the smug expression on his face betraying just how much he was enjoying your flustered reaction. “Aw, did the one great love of my life really think I forgot?”

Before you could even think of anything to say, he put one hand at the back of your head and gently tipped it forward, kissing you full on the lips. And as you reflexively closed your eyes, you were once again reminded of just how blindingly intense and disorienting it is to kiss him.

His lips felt like satin against yours, and even after he pulled back, it took you a couple of seconds to blink yourself out of the haze. He chuckled, and with how close you were, you could feel it reverberating throughout his chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”

Dazai Osamu:

It was only as you climbed the stairs of the Agency building, a bouquet of lilies in your hand, that it occurred to you that Dazai might not even be there. True, it was a working day for them, but when had Dazai ever cared about that? He’s more than happy to fuck off from the office more than half of the time anyway, so thinking about it now, it was actually highly unlikely you’d find him there.

Still, you had come all the way here, so you thought you’d at least check before leaving.

Even before opening the door to the office, however, you could hear commotion from the inside. Frowning in confusion, you pushed the door open.

Immediately, a frightened Atsushi rushed towards you and hid behind you. ‘(Y/n)! Thank God you’re here! Please help!”

“Whoa, Atsushi, calm down.” You stumbled a little, trying to keep your balance as he hid behind you, “What’s wrong?”

“Dazai-san has gone crazy.”

You rolled your eyes. The phrase was not something you were unused to hearing. You just wondered what it would be about this time.

Just then, you saw Dazai rushing over to the two of you, stumbling over several things in the process, “Atsushi!! You have to – Oh, hey (y/n)!”

He crashed into you full force, so quickly you barely had time to get the bouquet out of the way as he almost knocked you off your feet. At least Atsushi had been quick enough to duck away before disaster struck. Dazai would later call it a hug, but you failed to see any resemblance.

“Whoa, Dazai. Okay, - can’t – breathe – “

He quickly loosened his grip and you took a deep breath. He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I was just so happy to see my belladonna.”

You laughed, “Is that so? Did you miss me?”

“Miss you?” Kunikida said from behind him, “He was just chasing Atsushi around the office to scare him into going to fetch you.”

Atsushi nodded vehemently, “I thought he was going to throw me out of the building himself!”

“It’s not my fault.” Dazai rolled his eyes, “It’s Valentine’s Day and none of you can fit the space the love of my life has made in my heart!”

That was apparently enough for Kunikida to kick the both of you out of the office, yelling at Dazai not to come back until he was done with his Valentine-y bullshit.

Away from the commotion of the office, you finally remembered the bouquet you were still holding. “Oh, I brought these for you.”

His face lit up immediately, and he fake gasped, “Flowers from my beloved? I think I might just die!”

“Alright, that’s enough, drama queen.” You said, rolling your eyes, although you couldn’t help the slight laugh that escaped your lips, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Dazai.”

You prepared yourself for another one of his overdramatic one-liners, but he only looked at you with what you could only call adoration on his face. And then he smiled. It was small, but it was sincere, which was so very rare for Dazai. He wasn’t putting up an act, he wasn’t being intentionally melodramatic. For once in his life, he wasn’t trying to fool anybody. He was just…genuinely smiling. It made your heart melt.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, babe.”

You smiled and stood up on the tip of your toes to lightly kiss him on the cheek. He pouted, “What? Is that all I get?”

You laughed, “If you want more, at least take me out on a date first. I assume you don’t have any work to do anyway.���

“That is a very hasty and very incorrect assumption on your part, belladonna.” He said, trying to sound serious, “I actually have a very important to-do list for today.”

“Oh, yeah?” You said, leaning on the closed door to the agency office, the tone of your voice clearly saying you didn’t believe a word he said, “And what’s on it?”

“You.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks faster than it had ever done before, and all the agency members could hear from behind the closed door were sounds of Dazai dissolving into peals of laughter as you hit him repeatedly on the chest.

[soukokuwu]

OSAMU DAZAI

dazai x reader ⚉ angst, mostly (slight swearing, as usual) ⚉ note: did not proofread this because i procrastinate so much, i’m sorry, hope it’s still okay ⚉ the ending is... happy/sad you decide ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ⚉

(also: this is an alternate scenario for my earlier dazai work! anyway, not my best by a mile, so constructive criticism is very welcome)

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

He had predicted this far, so why? Why was this scene breaking his heart even more than he thought it would?

You were hunched over on the sofa, head in your hands, elbows propped on your knees. Dazai was seated beside you and was as insightful as ever; he knew you were trying your best not to cry, not to show your tears.

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

Just moments before…

“Who the fuck is she?”

You had had enough of this. He had been coming home later than usual these few months, bringing back with him the stench of alcohol and the pungent smell of women’s perfume. Sure, you loved him, but enough was enough. Even you can’t stand sharing the one you loved with someone else.

At first you had thought that it was for a mission, but the month spread into two, and by the third you had given up. You had not once asked him anything about it, simply out of the respect and trust you had for your partner and his unconventional job – being one of the detectives at the Armed Detective Agency. You knew that meant sometimes cases were confidential, or that Dazai simply wouldn’t tell you about it to protect you. To ease his potential concerns, you never questioned him. But this was definitely different, and you knew it. This was no case.

You had made sure to check it out for yourself. You knew his favorite bar spot: Lupin. Thanks to being in a relationship with the most tactical person you knew, you had picked up some skills. One night, exactly two months ago, you had told him you would have to go out of town to visit your aunt, an easy lie to get away with since he didn’t care much of what you were up to by then. That night, you made sure to wait until you saw Dazai leaving the bar before you made your way in. It was way too risky to head in while he was still there. Even loaded with alcohol he would have mad observation skills and realize you were there. But of course, aside from making a new friend in the bar with which you had to praise your boyfriend and act like nothing was wrong in spite of what he’s been doing, you found next to nothing about Dazai’s secret affairs.

But that didn’t matter anymore. Not now, as you were choking yourself from holding back your tears. His voice was clear as day, and there wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in his reply. “One of the bartenders at Lupin” fell from his mouth, as nonchalant as ever. There, he admitted it.

As you looked at his face, it was as though you couldn’t recognize him anymore. This wasn’t the Dazai you fell in love with all those years ago. No, this person in front of you, he’s different. No way the Dazai you fell in love with would ever do this to you. You felt a tightness in your heart as you continued to wonder what it is that you had done wrong.

It killed you inside; remembering all the sweet moments that happened over the years. Every single memory that you remembered just felt like a knife through your heart.

“How long has it been?”

He chuckled, not sounding the least bit apologetic, “three months.”

“Fuck, Osamu.”

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

Dazai was still sat next to you, paying attention to your every movement. He noticed the way your shoulders were trembling, because try as hard as you may, you couldn’t stop yourself from sobbing.

He knew how you were feeling, but he couldn’t bring himself to comfort you. He loved you – and he still does – but he couldn’t admit that to you. Not after what you think he did. This was going according to plan, so why couldn’t he feel any sense of accomplishment? Instead, all he felt is anger and regret welling up inside him. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to turn back on his decision to push you away.

A penchant liar, a wanted man – Dazai knew he couldn’t be the person you deserved no matter how hard he tried. You deserved a better life than this. One with no threats, one where you didn’t have to look over your shoulder every time you stepped outside. He knew you wouldn’t leave of your own accord, so, he dealt with this the only way he knew how: lies.

For the past three months he had been frequenting Lupin, but as much as he wanted to push you away, he couldn’t actually bring himself to be intimate with another woman. No fucking way. No one could hold a candle to you. So, he thought of an alternative.

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

Exactly two months ago:

“Thanks for this.” Dazai could have gotten it easily himself, but he didn’t want to risk getting caught buying props for his ruse.

“And what exactly do you need it for? Can’t you just ask your girlfriend for hers?” His partner, Kunikida, grudgingly handed Dazai what he had asked for. Why on earth would he need women’s perfume? It wasn’t your birthday or any special occasion, that much he knew. Kunikida smirked, thinking it could be that maybe Dazai was being thoughtful for once and gifting—

“No, I’m done with her.”

“What the fuck are you on about?”

“It’s exactly as I said, Kunikida. Are you going deaf?”

As much as the blonde wanted to punch him, he held back, clenched fists by his hips. “You’re being an ass.”

“I know that.”

The blonde could feel the anger bubbling up inside him. He had seen them together, and as much as he and Dazai didn’t really get along, he had to admit that getting together with you was the one decent choice the guy has made in ages. He didn’t know you personally, but Dazai had been going on and on about you ever since you got together with him. All of a sudden, he realized what the perfume was for, and he scoffed at his partner’s cowardice.

“If you want to end it, just man up and break it off. Don’t you dare make her think she isn’t enough of a woman for you. She’s the best you could ever do.”

Kunikida didn’t have to ask to know what his partner was thinking. Asking him to get some lipstick and ladies’ perfume? He was just looking to make you think that he’s cheating on you. Whatever Dazai was planning, he definitely did not approve.

Dazai laughed in self-deprecation as he finally looked up to look Kunikida in the eyes. “You and I both know that if I tell her the real reason that she wouldn’t leave.”

Not wanting to hear any more of it, Kunikida stormed off, obviously against Dazai’s decision, but he also knew that he shouldn’t interfere in other people’s affairs, which only served to frustrate him even more. But before he could leave, he turned back to Dazai once more, “if you want to protect someone, protect them with your own two hands.” To which, of course, Dazai pretended not to have heard.

Later as Dazai up and left, he spotted a familiar figure in the alleyway, walking towards the direction of the bar. He sighed as he approached the man, not feeling up to his usual routine of annoying him to no end. “Whatever you want I’m not giving it to you, I’m about to go play some mind games, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be off.”

Left behind without being given a chance to say anything, the ginger scoffed and crossed his arms. “Huh? What’s this shitty Dazai talking about? I didn’t even know he would be here…”

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

“There’s nothing I can do anymore.”

Dazai snapped out from his thoughts as he processed what you were saying. He didn’t expect such a reaction, such… calmness in your tone. He almost thought he was dreaming. He lightly pinched himself on the arm. No, he definitely wasn’t dreaming. Slowly, he brought himself to look at you.

Your beautiful eyes were staring straight at him, as though they could see right through him. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. You were the only one that ever could. Rarely has anyone ever made him stumped, but if anyone could be an exception, it would be you. And now, you caught him off-guard with how stoic you were.

“What – what do you mean?” Dazai croaked out, eyes unblinking, fingers slightly twitching.

Then he heard her laugh a similar laugh, much like his self-deprecating laugh with Kunikida. “Exactly that.” And she proceeded to the bedroom, presumably to pack her belongings.

Somehow, Dazai felt his hands moving of their own accord, and pull her back. And as she stood next to him, he realized what went wrong.

She thought she knew everything. One thing that she got right was that he was deliberately pushing her away. But what she didn’t see through was the real reason why he did it. Because in her eyes, he only saw sadness. And he knew. He knew at that moment, she thought he had implied she wasn’t worthy. She thought she failed at bringing him joy. She thought that everything he faked to push her away was to send a message: You don’t cut it for me, you’ve failed at making me find a reason to live, and I got bored.

That was far from the truth, though, and Dazai couldn’t bring himself to confess. He knew that in doing so, it would not help him achieve his goal. So, he kept up the part he was acting, and gave her a deadpan smile, trying not to let his voice waver as he told her, “I’d appreciate it if you left as soon as possible. I’m expecting company.”

⚉⚉⚉⚉⚉

“Isn’t that…?”

Dazai looked at where Ranpo was gazing at and saw you there, with your long wavy hair in a ponytail, sampling flavors at the new gelato store in the corner of the street. He felt his heart skip a beat, not that he would ever let it affect him. Today he had a case to see to with his subordinate, and Dazai was trying his best to concentrate on said case.

It had been a year since that fateful night, and he’s been doing his best not to keep any tabs on you. Which was relatively easy, given the nature of his job. All he had to do was keep himself busy. Very busy. He also noticed that he couldn’t even joke about a double suicide with any of the women he usually would flirt with, but he dismissed it, refusing to think of this as an effect your departure had left him with.

“Mhmm,” he mumbled, before turning away to get back to the case on hand.

But before he could get away completely, Ranpo’s sudden exclamation caught his attention. Dazai couldn’t help but look, curious at what’s gotten him so surprised. Then, Dazai realized, you weren’t alone, as your hands reached out for someone else’s, dragging them with you toward the gelato store.

You had chosen a classic butterscotch flavor. Dazai had expected that, seeing as it had been your favorite since you were a child. But what he didn’t expect was to see you with someone, let alone someone he knew. As he watched you feed a spoonful of your favorite flavor to your new lover, Dazai felt his fists clenched tight, which Ranpo caught on to.

“Isn’t that…” Ranpo trailed off, this time referring to your companion. But then he decided it was maybe best not to pursue the matter so much. He was almost, if not more, insightful than Dazai was, and he knew exactly what kind of reaction he would get should he press the matter further. “Dazai, it was you who felt she needed to move on, no?” he reminded him.

“To keep her safe, not –” Dazai raised his voice before getting a grip on himself as he noticed he was attracting some attention from the people around him. Not to mention nobody aside from you had seen him as rattled as he was right now. ‘Not to let her fall back into it,’ he finished in thought to himself.

But to his dismay, as he shifted his attention back to you, he realized you and your lover both didn’t notice him, because your attention was on each other, and only each other, both of your smiles sickeningly sweet. All he could think of was how all that hard work, all those sleepless nights spent after you left, was actually going down the drain. Because he didn’t make you safer, no. If anything, his heart sank as he realized that he definitely pushed you into a more dangerous life.

Why would you do this? Why were you with him? Out of spite? No, Dazai knew you way better than that, and you weren’t so petty. That could only mean one thing – what you felt for your new man was genuine. And as he heard you exclaim your next sentence, hands tightly intertwined with your new lover’s, Dazai knew he was at risk of losing it.

“Let’s go to the beachside next, Chuuya!”

[natsukashi-hibi]

4 w dazai? or any character :DDDD have a good day rose

Hey hiiiii! How are you Yue? I hope you are doing well hehe. Thanks for requesting ~~~ I ended up choosing dazai because we never get enough of Dazai right ? I hope it will be to your liking though ❤ ENJOY

"Tell me that you love me ; Even if its fake"-: ✧ :-゜・．IDFC~Blackbear "LyricS prompts N°04

It was past twelve, the night begins to grow darker and darker, taking with it the last sources of light from the streets. The picture outside from the window was still; silent and empty. Lacking life but too numbing to look away. Your eyes stayed trained on the view as the time stood still.

 Your whole body was tensed up as if it was waiting for a bomb to explode near you taking with it your grief and your feelings. Despite that, you did not give up yet. You wanted to believe still; you wanted to wait, you had to wait for him, you repeated to yourself.

The hours continued to pass, however, you did not leave your spot until in the early morning;  when you heard the lock on the door turn magically pulling you out of your trance.

 He had come home ..after so long .. you couldn't help but rush in to welcome the only cause for your lonely nights. In front of you stood your lover, somehow removing his shoes without making a noise. 

After a few minutes, he ended up noticing you standing in front of him enveloped in your favorite blanket, that same blanket you two were sharing while cuddling on the sofa not so long ago. He seemed surprised to see you awake at that time or to see you at all after all he did to push you away, all the sleepless nights he caused you, all the trouble he went through to make you leave. 

But you were indeed different from the other women Dazai had for that matter, he could not deny it; you were more perseverant; less superficial; less fake in a sense where you were someone who had to be tamed to get in line; but was it really for the best?

You were the type to give everything to the person dear to your heart, absolutely everything, but look where that trait of personality led you to ...Dazai seeing you so pitifully trembling wearing one of those crumpled shirts in a desperate attempt to smell his scent for the last time. He stood up passing near you sighing at the touch of your hand against his:

“Why are you still here?” he whispered.

“What? What do you mean i - I’m here for .. ”

“WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” he said louder.

His voice shook your body waking it up from the quiet trance the dark night was giving you     

      -“I did everything to make this more acceptable for you, I did my best to make this less painful and bothersome for both of us. I did my best to make you forget about me? Why are you like this? Do you love the pain that much? Or is it that during my absence you couldn’t find a better replacement? And well looking like the mess you are right now it's understandable. So, y/n, tell me now, which is it? Lust, despair, or sheer stupidity?”

      -” How ..hahaha what do you mean Dazai .. I’m..I” You tried to say choking on your tears.

He turned around and looked at you chuckling:

     -“You are such a fool for me y/n but I don’t remember ever choosing you for that unfortunately I can’t give what you want; I told you from the start don’t expect stability from me I’m sorry y/n,” he said softly while stroking your cheek.                                                                                                                                                               -“      -  “it can't be..how about all the time we spent together; The laughs, The words you said to me no one can fake all that...  I can't Dazai... I can't leave don't you understand ... you made me like this and now I’m so fucking scared and I genuinely don’t know what to do with all those feelings so please ... just don't ... please,” you started holding the arm of his coat freshly wetted by the rain like it was the only way out to your suffering. You just couldn’t move on, you couldn’t leave him, you just couldn't imagine your life without him. his voice the way his body felt against yours. He saved you from this boring and monotone life and you got addicted to his love, to his habits, to his tongue on your skin, to the marks he was so cockily leaving on you, pretending that it was a way to make you his forever. You couldn’t believe that all this was a lie ..you couldn’t handle it.

After hearing the desperate tone in your voice; Dazai turned around again heading to his bedroom leaving you half-naked in the middle of the living room like you never existed in the first place.

      -“I will call an Uber for you, you probably should get dressed before it arrives,” he said coldly while holding the handle of his room door.

At that point, you as if all of your bones started to break through the weight of the air one by one, your brain started to melt and your heart was in pain, because of how cold the atmosphere became right after he spoke those words… your throat was burning with every attempt from you to form any type of noise. With a last feeble attempt, you managed to yell those 3 words.

      -“I LOVE YOU” it sounded so cracked and muffled that you even doubted about ever 

saying it.

Your words seemed to have reached him, but he seemed unfazed by them, entering his room and closing the door.

You didn't know what to do after, your legs decided to let you down, you sat on the floor, your eyes wide open at what happened..thinking that all this cannot happen to you, to your relationship, to your love. You started crawling to the door that was closed so violently on your face, frantically knocking.

you started whispering

      - “Say it back ..please say it back,“ your voice getting louder and louder with each knock.                                                                           

     - “ Please say it back ….”

Even after a few minutes, the door remained closed; exhausted you laid your back, whispering for one last time. “Please ..tell me that you love me even if it's fake”.

The morning came in a blink of an eye and Dazai finally came out from his room, only to see that you have indeed left with no trace, leaving the shirt and the blanket on the floor…

Some time has passed and you haven't left your apartment for way too long, judging by your eyes and mental stability ..but you still somehow managed to see him ... with another girl this time, still watching the scene from your window like you used to do in his apartment. He looked satisfied and happy, but..was he really? It didn't matter to you anymore, you may still breathe but your heart had stopped beating that night after all so..it’s all over now...

-: ✧ :-゜・．.・。.・゜✭・-: ✧ :-゜・．.・。.・゜

[for-what-reason-if-not-love]

Pitiful Creatures

Sometimes you just need to cry it out on a shoulder.

(DazaixChuuya) (Omegaverse Au) (Alpha Chuuya and Omega Dazai) (Fic Excerpt) (Approx 2k words of hurt feels and Alphas on the verge of a breakdown)

For the past several weeks, Chuuya had taken to willingly spending his time in combat zones, taking on almost all the field assignments that Mori had to offer. It was quite frustrating on how hard it was becoming to catch the Alpha around and Dazai could recall that the last time they had even so much as had a decent conversation, was weeks ago, too far long for his liking, and now his patience was getting thinner.

Ane-san had also expressed her concern regarding Chuuya’s behavior, quietly stating that he had not once visited her establishment this month, her current disapproval in her young charge showing from her sharp tongue. She had gone on to make a quip about how it was Dazai’s own self-destructive behavior that was starting to rub on the Alpha, the accusation leaving a bitter taste in Dazai’s mouth.

He had left her place with an empty expression, immediately deciding on hunting down Chuuya and giving him a  piece of his mind about how it was <i> he</i> that was the self-destructive one of the two, or maybe put out the offer of double suicide if Chuuya really was working with the aim to kill himself.

A call from Hirotsu confirmed that Chuuya had just entered the Mafia headquarters to hand in the latest report regarding his most recent suicide mission (Dazai had thrown quite a hissy fit upon hearing the nature of this mission a week ago, because of fear and jealousy alike), the news making Dazai pick up  his pace so he could catch Chuuya before the Alpha left the building. 

He had noted it, the reason behind the whole relentless overworking, had known it was because of Corruption and the high amount of casualties that had recently eliminated half of Chuuya’s underlings, topped with the work overload he must be facing due to his newly earned position as Executive. But mostly it was due to the files on the Arahabaki case that Chuuya was finally allowed to  review because of his status, and really now, this was becoming troublesome. (Dazai has already peeked into the files.)

Rushing over and climbing the stairs in strides had gotten him to the top floor much faster than he calculated, giving him enough time to compose his rapid breathing and pull up an unperturbed face. He could hear Mori’s voice from the other side of the door, droning on about some flaw in Chuuya’s report, the defeated silence in answer stifling the air and disrupting his breathing. It sounded like Chuuya was even more disheartened then the last time Dazai had gotten a glimpse of him in the corridors.

Mori had moved on to give a little lecture on Chuuya’s carelessness and crude behavior that he used in dealing with the mission, with what must be in a disapproving tone, if Dazai ever heard one. In his mind’s eye, he could imagine Chuuya, frozen in a terse bow with his hat off, eyes fixed on the carpeted floor in a show of respect and submission, a frown marring his handsome expression. 

Dazai was still reviewing the entire one on one happening on the other side of the wall, when the door opened up to reveal Chuuya, who was wearing a look of utter surprise on finding the Omega, that did nothing in hiding the watery gleam of his eyes, making Dazai’s inbuilt instinct go on high alert mode.

It must have shown on his face, the alarm, because the next thing he knew, Chuuya was already walking away from him in hurried steps, face shadowed by the brim of his stupid hat. It hurt, just a bit, seeing his partner ignore him so openly after a month of radio silence.

His mind reeled in itself, seeing the Alpha sprinting down the corridor, wanting to ran away and shut himself in his nest and sulk about the whole situation, his mind wanting to retreat back into his shell, but without it registering, his feet had already started following after the frustrated scent left in the Alpha’s wake. Chuuya was already at the end of the passage by the time he caught up, ducking into an empty meeting room.

“Leave me alone for a bit, Dazai”. It wasn't exactly an order, body turned away from the door, waiting for the omega to clear out, his voice sounded heavy, gloved hand coming up to cover his face.

“Chuuya”. He was hurt, honestly, first time they talk in a month and Chuuya is asking him to leave him? Unbelievable.

Dazai did not pay any heed to his request (when did he ever), choosing instead to close the door behind him and stride into the center of the room, a cautious distance from the strung-up Alpha. 

“Kouyou nee-san said you're being an ass these days, and I couldn’t agree more”. This elicited no response from Chuuya. “Sulking just because of Mori’s lecture?”, Dazai asked, slowly trying to close in the distance. He lifted his hand up to rest it on his shoulder, prepared for retaliation. 

“I said LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, DAZAI!” As soon as the contact was made, Chuuya had whirled around and shouted it on his face.

It wasn't the fresh wave of angry alpha-scent pheromones that hit Dazai, to make him stumble back a step, rather it was Chuuya’s face, tear tracks cutting clear lines into his cheeks, the colour of his eyes intensified by their glassiness.

“Chuuya!”, if Dazai wasn’t alarmed before then he was definitely shocked now, moving with purpose towards the Alpha that hadn’t seemed to realize that he was crying at all. Chuuya seemed surprised to see him advancing forward, stepping back a bit to avoid the Omega hellbent on cornering him.

Chuuya kept backing away from him, not realizing that Dazai was fully intent on getting over with whatever-this-was. The back of his knees hit the seat of a swivel chair, and Dazai wasted no time in pushing him back to sit on it, hands firmly holding his shoulders.

Chuuya made a move to stand back up, but Dazai was fast enough to straddle himself on the distressed Alpha, wrapping his arms around his lithe frame.

“Honestly if you hate being down talked by Mori so much…”, that was most definitely him skirting around the main issue because rule no. seven of surviving the underworld stated that issues that are not talked about, don't exist and right now making Chuuya calm down was top priority.

“I mean, Mori is technically right in his way…”, He continued talking, wanting to distract him with the things his mind must be thinking.

By now Chuuya had taken to hiding in his embrace (knowing it was fruitless to try and fight against Dazai), hands holding onto his waist a little too tightly for comfort, sniffling every few seconds, but Dazai doesn't mind. He had taken to hugging Chuuya back just as tightly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Chuuya’s shoulders relaxed a bit, just a bit, and the barbed wire wrapped around Dazai’s heart managed to ease it’s hold. He had his cheek resting on Chuuya’s head, waiting for the flood gates to close.

“Sorry”. The Alpha seemed sheepish, judging from his cracked voice, but Dazai just shook his head and let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Chibi, you had me worried here for a second”. This earned him a low growl from Chuuya, making him grin.

“Chuuya got all his tears and snot on my shirt!”

He missed this.

Relaxing his stance a little, he prodded further,“Oh, so it’s about your height? Quite a weird thing to sulk about.” 

“Shut up,” Chuuya groans, his face still hidden. By now the Alpha had calmed down, breathing pattern going back to notable.

Dazai started to pull back from the embrace, wanting to see Chuuya’s face properly after so long, hands coming to hold Chuuya’s red face, “Look at you”.

This situation was definitely a first for both of them.

”Chuuya looks like a little toddler”. Dazai lovingly squished his cheeks to maximize the effect. The Alpha’s face was flushed, red-rimmed heavy lidded eyes looking back at Dazai, bottom lip bitten into by his fang, but he still managed to look attractive.

Chuuya must have been tired, because he only sighed at the remark and moved his hand up to cup Dazai’s. Winding his fingers in between his, he pulled them back from his face and held them in the space between them.

 Too much distance, Dazai thought, slowly pulling his hands away and moving closer again to wrap them around Chuuya’s neck, resting his face on his shoulder, nuzzling his scent glands under his collar. A deep inhale of the Alpha’s scent had him going boneless, touch starvation making itself obvious. Chuuya seemed to have sensed it too, moving to nuzzle his face into Dazai’s neck, hands moving to his waist to pull him closer.

Dazai’s body seemed too eager for this physical touch, head tipped back to allow more access for the Alpha, as Chuuya kept kissing and nipping at his glands, hands twisted in Chuuya’s hair, exhaling soft sighs and gasps every so often. 

Perhaps, Chuuya thought, he should feel guilty for having neglected his omega for so long. 

Even at this proximity, he could barely make out the scent of Dazai, overwhelmed by blood and gunpowder. It was a soft whiff of petrichor and paper, intoxicating and ensnaring.

Dazai let out a sharp gasp when Chuuya slipped his hand under his shirt, cool leather caressing patterns on heated skin under the loose bandages. It felt like fire chasing away the frost.

“Chuuya” Dazai gasped out, to which the Alpha just hummed. Dazai was feeling too warm now,pressed up against Chuuya, heat pooling in his belly making him breathless. He tried to wiggle a bit to adjust his position on Chuuya’s lap, intent on simply rutting and making-out, but the Alpha had a very tight hold on his waist.

 Chuuya yanks a fistful of Dazai’s hair, exposing his pale neck. He starts with light kisses that turn into soft bites, the Omega shivering and spluttering out half gasps and moans.

“Chuuya.” Dazai whines, shaking hands trying to unbutton Chuuya’s shirt, mirroring Chuuya’s actions of opening his neck tie. He shivers when Chuuya bites into his collarbone and tugs down his shirt and jacket which pool behind his back. The Alpha makes quick work of the bandages winding down his neck, exposing all the rope burns, scratches and bite marks on his pale skin to the soft evening light, and Dazai shivers at the heated gaze directed at him. He doesn’t know what to make of-never knew how to process- the fact that Chuuya finds him attractive, a shiver sliding down his spine from the way Chuuya was giving him this look.

The room was already tainted with their scents running wild, mixed with the heat of arousal and want. Dazai could feel the slick sliding down his thighs, could feel Chuuya’s arousal between his legs, could feel his self-control thinning out as lust choked all coherent thoughts with desire. 

“Chuuya, please”. This was getting borderline unbearable, how Chuuya seemed so calm and collected in a situation like this, even with his hair mussed up. (The hat was knocked down somewhere on the carpeted floor) and his face looking so kissable.

Chuuya pulls him in by his nape into a slow open mouthed kiss, moving on to suck  and bite at his bottom lip, it would most likely bruise (Chuuya liked leaving evidence of his hold on his territory), tongue settling heat in his mouth as his other hand slowly trailed down Dazai’s spine.

Before the Omega could process anything, Chuuya had already scooped him up and stood up, walking towards the conference table, and Dazai paid no mind to it, too busy getting his share of kisses and fervent touches.

They only separated once, when Chuuya had deposited him on the desk surface, to take of their dress shirts, the Alpha immediately pulling himself back between his legs again to drown in the kisses. Dazai was lightly rutting against Chuuya’s obvious erection, desperate enough in his actions to make Chuuya start unbuckling their pants.

One shove and Dazai’s pants and underwear were thrown somewhere behind them, leaving him perfectly naked to the alpha’s heated gaze, safe for the bandages winding down his torso and appendages. Chuuya pulled off his gloves by the tip of his fangs, fully intent on simply staring at the ruffled Omega.

One hand moves to part Dazais legs further, as the other moves to circle around his neck, pushing him down until his back rested flat against the desk. Even now Dazai’s mind likened this action to creating distance, but he simply lay there, content on sitting back and seeing what Chuuya was willing to do. Cold fingers brushed against his flushed erection, making Dazai jump, slowly making their way to circle the tight leaking hole.

Chuuya had a perfectly expressionless face, only his eyes letting go on how interested he was, solely focused on Dazai’s lower body. One finger slid in without any sort of resistance, which showed just how aroused the Omega was. Dazai breathing stuttered.

“Sorry” Chuuya mumbled lowly, apologizing for what exactly, for having flooded out his emotions earlier or for downright ignoring him for a whole month now, Dazai wasn’t quite composed yet to try and decipher that, mind more than content at just being touched after so long.

[marixx]

Title: have a bouquet made from my love

Words: 1177

Fluff!! Flower shop/Book shop Au + Modern Au

Warning: swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's so fucking noisy out there, that construction has been going on for almost a week. Can't a guy just get some peace and quiet?"Ranpo whined, roughly placing down the arrangement of flowers and leaning on the counter, his emerald eyes glaring at the construction just across the street. His friend/coworker sighed at him, rolling her eyes.

Yosano places down the small vase on the display window. "Language, Ranpo,"She scolded. Fixing the curtains of his flower shop. Then leaving towards the back storage/hangout room.

The flower shop he owned—or well technically his fathers but he inherited the business about two years ago, was called Bouquet Agency, the shop itself was fairly small but not too much. It had a very homey vibe to it. The shop was like a small cottage, with nicely trimmed bushes on the side of the windows accompanied with arranged bouquet of flowers, some pots on the shelves that had small trees and cactuses on them, hanging flower pots filled with a wide variety of sinewy plants, a gentle scent always somehow filled the air, and soft Lofi music playing in the background. The color scheme of a few exposed brick and white accompanied with dark brown always made Ranpo feel so much at home, it made the shop have a small vintage look to it. Once in a while, the original owner, was named Fukuzawa Yukichi, would visit from time to time. Just to stay for maybe about twenty minutes or more to greet everyone, ask them about their day, and how the shop was doing then he would leave with a small smile on his face.

The workers there were, Yosano who was the one the customers would seek help to, Atsushi took charge in taking care of the plants, Kunikida was the one who kept the delivery's and their schedules in line, Ranpo on the counter, kenji would carry the heavy load to the back (once in awhile he would take the counter), and Dazai who....didn't really do much, but he helped out from time to time. Their frequent customers were the Tanizaki siblings, who owned a bakery just a few blocks down, they had heard about the flower shop from Atsushi (Ranpo made sure to have given him chazuke that day) and returned once or twice a week.

Dazai who always lounged on the small couch in the corner, putted away his favorite 'guide to suicide' book on the in table next to it. "Hey, did ya hear that construction site out there was gonna be a new shop?"Dazai grinned.

Ranpo looked at him appalled. "Where'd you hear that information?"He asked. Dazai simply shrugged, replying with 'chuuya' in a small voice. Of course. Chuuya, who was a worker at the tattoo shop next door (and was also the brunette's boyfriend) had always been one for gossip. Ranpo hummed, through the years he had been here, he hadn't seen a new shop open since the place they were in wasn't that crowded.

"A new shop, huh?"Ranpo grinned.

"Apparently it's gonna be a book store,"

"Hey look, it seems that their opening,"Dazai pointed out. Staring at the building from across the street.

The black haired male's grin only widened. "Hopefully they don't steal our customers,"he laughed. Suddenly, Yosano Imerged, pushing away the curtains that hung on the arched doorway. "Shouldn't you two be working instead of gossiping like two high-schoolers?"She glared.

The two males flinched. Muttering an apology, turning back to the flowers he was working on. He thought of an idea, his eyes trailed back outside, eyes squinting at the new shop from across the street. Seeing two people talking to each other.

"Ranpo, put these geranium and meadowsweets on that bouquet will you?"Yosano called out.

"Ah, figured it was missing something important,"Ranpo smiled. Taking the flowers from Yosano, and carefully started placing them in. "What's the bouquets for anyways?"Dazai asked. Sitting up from the couch, and leaning forward.

"Some girl wanted to send a bouquet to her best friend and ex,"Ranpo shrugged. "Don't geraniums mean stupidity, and don't meadowsweets mean uselessness?"Dazai tilted his head.

"The best friend hooked up with her ex,"

"Ah,"

Humming, Ranpo gazed at the two. "Hey, how about we give a welcome to the newly opened shopped across the street?"He suggested. Carefully placing down the bouquet of flowers.

Yosano scrunched up her nose, hands placed her hips. "Ranpo, if you want to give the newcomers a warm welcome. You should go over there and do it,"She shrugged, the black haired male gasped. "Moi? Why should I do it?"he huffed.

"You're the one who suggested it, Ranpo,"

"But I have to man the cashier,—,"He babbled. "Don't worry, we'll handle the rest!"Dazai smirked, a proud look on his face. "You hired us for a reason, Ranpo-san,"Yosano laughed.

Rolling his eyes. Ranpo went and got a pair of gardening scissors to make another bouquet. Roaming around the store, trying to find a good set of flowers, his emerald eyes fell on the forsythia in the corner, beaming he immediately strolled his way over there. Grabbing the flowers and cutting them one by one.

Yosano gave him an unpleasant look, "fine! I'll do it,"He groaned. Snatching papers and ribbons from a box, and stomping over to the counter. "Perfect, you can give that bouquet your working at for them!"She beamed. Clapping her hands together.

Despite the fact that Ranpo was the one who owned the flower shop, Yosano did most of the work, she was practically considered as the owner of Bouquet Agency as well. Which was the reason why she got away with bossing everyone around (and because she scared everyone). Snipping away the stems, Atsushi suddenly made an appearance from the front door, holding what seems to be the newly ordered soil.

"Atsushi, perfect timing, were just about to open—"Ranpo said but cut himself off mid-sentence. "Shouldn't kenji be the one doing the heavy load?"He questioned, his eyes trailing up and down the younger boy. "Ah, kenji's apparently sick! So I offered to take up his job for the day....I-If that doesn't bother you, Ranpo-san,"He relied, sheepishly.

Waving his hand. "Nah, it's fine. Just don't overwork yourself, kid,"He said. Adding daffodils to the bouquet in his hand, "there we go! All done!"He exclaimed, quite proud of his work.

Dazai came in, with a piece of paper. Placing it inside, it said 'we warmly welcome you to this small part of Yokohama! We hope you enjoy your time here, Bouquet Agency.'

"Now go, our dear Ranpo-san!"the brunette grinned, yanking the older male out and pushing him towards the front door.

Sulking, Ranpo begrudgingly walking towards the new shop. As he got closer, it seems that the bookstore was just as big as his flower store was, the outside color was black, and was accompanied a big window that gave off a good view of the inside. Opening the door and hearing the small bell jingle, he took a good look at it.

From the inside, the bookstore was a little larger than it looked outside. It didn't have many lamps but there were some (the big window gave the store a lot more natural light), the walls were decorated with shelves that had labels on them and small amounts of books. In the middle were more shelvings but unlike the ones on the walls, they were empty, in the left corner were some couches and a small coffee table. To his right had a little display section of notebooks with pens, then at the front was a counter and a back door. A coffee like aroma filled up his nostrils, the smell was very calming. Everything about the store was calming either way, it reminded him of his own store, but with a more cozy vibe to it.

"Um, excuse me....we, uh, were not open for business yet..."

A soft voice called out to him, suddenly a tall man came into his view.

And holy shit.

Ranpo felt like he descended to heaven. The taller male was adorable, handsome even. Though his hair was indeed a mess, and it did cover half of his face, though one eye was visible. Ranpo could stare at them for the rest of his life. They were a shade of dark violet, amethyst eyes glowing so brightly. eye-bags were underneath them, and they had such a soft look in them. It made him feel so warm inside, they had a sense of kindness in them. The guy's physical physique was tall and lanky, in his arms was a small box, and he wondered if he could perfectly fit in them if he were to just straight up run into him. Gosh how much he wanted to test that theory out. He was wearing a large gray sweater that went up his knees, black pants, and brown shoes.

"O-Oh! Sorry, I.....uh, I own the flower shop across the street. Me and my coworkers wanted to welcome you guys,"Ranpo stuttered. Still staring at the other man's eyes. "Uh...here! Take these,"He exclaimed, offering the bouquet in his hands.

"Oh thank you!"The other said, smiling brightly. Taking the flowers in his hands.

Holy fuck!! Ranpo screamed mentally. He was so adorable, and so pretty! He felt as if his heart had ran a marathon from how hard it was thumping.

"U-Uh, would you look at the time, it's almost nine already! I have to get back to my shop,"Ranpo stammered. Looking at his watch.

"Oh I see....."The other said, clearly disappointed. "But uh....if you don't mind,"He then said quickly.

"Yes....?"

"W-Would you like to go out f-for coffee sometime, maybe? As a thank you for the f-flowers?"The taller male mumbled, playing with his fingers. Suddenly, Ranpo's face turned red

"That sounds wonderful!"He said, happily. "By the way, my names Edogawa Ranpo,"He introduced himself. "Ah, my names Edgar Allan Poe.....y-you can just call me Poe,"Poe said. Sheepishly.

"Well then Poe, I'll pick you up this weekend, if your free?"

"Uh, sure! I'm free then,"Poe blushed. Giving a small smile.

"I'm looking forward to it then,"Ranpo smiled at him. Poe wasn't expecting to see such a beautiful smile. He was glad he had worked up the courage to ask him out. He absolutely could not wait for this weekend.

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Zai's notes: Hello, hello~ finally I finished a wonderful Angst collab with my lovely daughter @soukokuwu ! I'm very pleased with how this came out. I had fun writing this with her as well. I hope we can collab again soon~!

rachel's rambling: — thanks for being patient, father, this could have been done ages ago but i’m horrible XD it was a pleasure to work together on this & i hope you guys like it too ^.^

Genre: Pure Angst!

Pairing: Soukoku

Warnings: Heavy Gore, Cursing, Death!

He’s supposed to be happy, isn’t he? This is what he’s wanted for so long. So why? Why isn’t he excited? Why is it that all he feels is a certain... longing?

The sharp edge of the blade is pressing against his neck, with a force strong enough to hurt but not hard enough to pierce his skin. A video camera is atop a tripod, a few feet away from him. And as the criminal asks him, “any last words?”, Dazai finds himself staring vacantly into the eyes of the camera, wishing he could see the clear azure eyes of his friend, his lover, on the other side.

No, this is all wrong, he thinks to himself as he ignores the cold steel against his throat. This isn’t the death he wants. Not like this.

Dazai hates the fact he’s going to die by the hands of a common criminal. He decides against confessing his feelings — that’s probably not what the redhead needs. No, what he needs is a message of some sort, to keep him intact after the inevitable happens. Dazai knows it; he’s not going to make it out of this alive.

"Don't lose control. Stay level headed."

He says it so calmly, so smoothly. It nearly makes the killer shiver in disgust. This man truly is a suicidal maniac — who else would look so calm in the face of death? No matter, the kidnapper is happy to oblige as he grasps at a fist full of brown hair, angling it for the perfect cut.

With a swift motion, the sharp edge of the blade slices easily into and across Dazai’s flesh.

It’s horrible, so horrible. Dazai can feel the unbearable pain as it happens. It hurts. Deep shades of red spills from his open gash wound. He sees it. It burns. It stings. Overwhelming sensations fill Dazai's body as he bleeds out heavily from his head being ripped off. No one would doubt if the culprit says he’s a butcher, not with such deft knifework. No one would doubt that he’s despicable either, from how he laughs like a maniac in right into the camera.

And on the other end, a redhead looks on in disgust as that man — no, that monster — holds his lover’s head so carelessly; his frenzied laughter the only sound ringing in the still air.

Gloved hands bang the table in front of him. Grief, frustration, helplessness; they all meld into one as the video stills on the frame of Dazai’s dismembered head.

The sounds of Mori and Kouyou calling after him as he trudges out of the meeting room doesn’t register in his head. Neither do the tears streaming down his face.

“Don’t lose control”? “Stay level headed”? What the fuck kind of last words were they to say when you knew your lover was on the other line? Even if he did want death, no ‘I love you’s? No ‘I’m sorry’s?

The lack of affection — no, the lack of emotion behind his words makes Chuuya upset. He doesn’t even try to contain himself. How can this suicidal maniac be so damn selfish?!

"I'm going to fucking track them down...” He growls between gritted teeth. Chuuya can feel the anger consuming him. But he doesn’t care. “They won’t get away with killing off my partner like that!"

Their hideout is easily found, given the poor effort in hiding the background in the tape. Such an obvious skyscraper that nestled in the middle of Yokohama. How can anyone miss it? It’s a visible pathway, an easy task for someone brave enough to hunt them down.

A mere half hour and Chuuya’s figures it out. How much easier can they make it for him? Chuuya knows that something is fishy here — it’s never usually this easy. But he’s too blinded by his own rage, by the will to avenge his lover’s death. He doesn’t care, nothing else matters. Not even the question tugging at his brain — why was it that they made it so easy?

But one thing he definitely knows is that the enemy isn’t stupid, no. They’re highly intelligent and positively ruthless; to be able to catch Dazai and — Chuuya has to gulp at the thought — kill him in the same night? They might as well declare war against the Port Mafia. And Chuuya is right here to deliver just that.

It still irks him, about the way everything was too easy. It’s like it was intentionally made so that they would be found. But why? What could their motives possibly —

And Chuuya stops in his tracks as he sees the pictures of a familiar face plastering the walls of the dilapidated warehouse — a face that he would never forget. The face of a man that was the victim of the first double black assassination.

Why is his face all over the walls?

Suddenly it all makes sense to to him. This is an act of revenge. Of course the culprit wants to be found. It’s all a scheme; a scheme to get Dazai alone first then lure Chuuya in, not just by killing off his partner but to deliberately make his hideout so obvious that it’s impossible not to be found. Adding in the fact he laughed in the footage. He wanted to antagonize Chuuya to come fight him.

And the enemy knows what Chuuya can do. And they don’t care either. They know it’s a suicide mission — that’s how much this means to them.

Even having realized the enemy's plans, Chuuya continues to walk onward in a powerful stride. It doesn’t change the fact he’s still pissed off. Now more than ever. Do they think they have the upper hand here? Do they think that Chuuya wouldn’t dare abolish them without his partner? No, if anything — he’s even more motivated. They’re not the only ones willing to throw their lives for revenge.

"I'll let gravity crush you, you son of a bitch."

Chuuya knows what Dazai would say if he was still here:

“You’re playing right into their hands, Chuuya.”

But there’s one thing that Dazai would never understand — the amount of love he harbours for the brunette. He grits his teeth as he continues the hunt. He’d never felt more human than he had the moment the dagger slit his lover’s throat. Ironic, how they finally met in the middle ground, making each other feel human, and then having that stripped away not long after. And now look where they are — Dazai is human no longer.

And neither is Chuuya.

No, in this moment, Chuuya knows he won’t let his humane side control him. Tonight, he’ll let Arahabaki take control.

Tonight, he’ll let the powers consume him.

It doesn’t take him long to find the perpetrator. His calculations are correct.  The man stands there, as if expecting Chuuya for a while now as he smokes his cigarette.

“It’s about damn time. You shouldn't keep an important man waiting, Nakahara.”

Chuuya doesn’t care to respond. Nothing matters anymore — besides taking out the target that killed his other half. Chuuya took a powerful stance that shook the ground around him.

“Grantors of dark disgrace, you need not wake me again.”

His vision turns red and he can feel the burning hatred for that monster take over him. Chuuya doesn’t want to feel how he does in this moment, but he can’t control it. The anguish it brings him — to be reminded of the image of Dazai’s throat being slit — it’s larger than any monstrosity Chuuya knows.

As if it can’t get worse, the man has something dangling in his free hand, one Chuuya doesn’t quite notice at first. Until he brings it up against the dim lights of the warehouse.

It’s his lover’s severed head.

“I thought you might like to say some last words to your friend here~”

That is it. That is all it takes. Not that anything can stop him anyway. The only one who could had his head hanging by a vengeful man’s hands. But he feels something bubbling up inside him, surfacing in the ocean that was his anger. Chuuya winces slightly as the sight of Dazai registers in his head. What is this feeling?

It’s usually anger and power he feels as he lets Arahabaki take control. But now? As he’s destroying the entire place? Why does he feel something else?

Tears prick in his eyes. That asshole has his fingers in those brown locks he loved. How many mornings had Chuuya spent waking up with that hair in his face, tickling him awake? His gaze shifts down to his eyes, closed. Fuck, he already misses those judgemental stares of his, or the rare look of utter adoration in his eyes when they would become one. And his lips, oh his lips, the way that bastard was so sweet-tongued, Chuuya could never outwin him.

“Don’t lose control. Stay level-headed.”

Chuuya screams as he continues his rampage. What kind of fucking last words were they? He knows what it means — that Dazai doesn’t want Chuuya to follow him to the afterlife, at least not so quickly — but he doesn’t appreciate it. How can he expect the redhead to live without him? How can he expect Chuuya to be able to look himself in the mirror everyday and not want to kill himself?

No, this time, for the first time, Dazai would not get his way, Chuuya will see to that. And he does. All he remembers as his vision fades to black is the mangled body of the enemy, Dazai’s head still in his hands.

[aarcanechaoss]

☆ Silence ☆

Atsushi Nakajima angst

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter

'Cause all my life, I've been fighting

Never felt a feeling of comfort, oh

And all this time, I've been hiding

Atsushi felt incredibly alone even when surrounded by people he knew. It was an awful feeling to have- he absolutely loathed it. He loathed the internal pain he felt when Kyoka smiled at him, when Dazai told him he did well, when Kenji and Yosano offered affectionate hugs and even when the director would pat him on the head- he just felt empty.

He was grateful don’t get him wrong but... he needed something to fill in the gaps. Ranpo’s offerings of food couldn’t help either sadly and all Kunikida did these days was yell at him. Was he.. was he really nothing? Did he deserve to feel happy with these people?

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah

I'm so used to sharing

Love only left me alone

He doesn’t remember his parents or how they left him. He remembers the sick words of the headmaster saying they threw him away in a garbage bag. He remembers cold rooms and locked doors and thin blankets. He remembers crying every night until he would pass out unceremoniously as that was the only was he could get sleep.

If he wanted something the other kids had to share it with him- and that was so unlikely but when the ADA shared with him it didn’t feel like pity or because they had to- it was because they wanted to. That fact just didn’t make any sense to the orphan.

He’d clutch his chest and sleep facing the wall of the cupboard, tears would flow silently so as to not wake Kyoka. He knows they all care but he just- he just can’t seem to function with that idea just yet after all he’s been through he’s naive and he knows it- Akutagawa of all people don’t need to point that out to him.

But I'm at one with the silence

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Silence was Atsushi’s favourite. The silence after a storm, the silence after the ADA would pack up for the day and the silence after missions with Akutagawa.

“Weretiger.” Akutagawa spoke with refinement and almost regality- Atsushi didn’t understand why he thought Atsushi had it good, didn’t understand why he found him pathetic for being so scared (considering his past).

“Yes Akutagawa?” He said softly whilst staring out the window of the train back to Yokohama station. Silence followed... not one Atsushi was comfortable with so he turned to look at the dark haired man across from him.

Akutagawa seethed but it seemed his mouth moved faster than his own mind. “What’s wrong?” Atsushi froze for a millisecond.

“Nothing.” He said almost bitterly. If he was going to tell anyone shit like Hell it would be the asshole who wants him dead.

“You’ve been quieter on missions the last few weeks. At first I assumed it was to do with you training or something of the like but I’ve grown used to hearing your mindless chatter on the train... so I ask again what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He said emotionlessly. “I thought you didn’t like when I was pathetic and annoying so I am simply doing my best to keep my partner happy... this is our stop goodbye Akutagawa.”

The mafioso could only stare after the weretiger as he walked off, a frown etched into his porcelain like features.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I've been quiet for too long

Shit shit shit this was bad. It was like the room was spinning and merging with the colours in the room. Atsushi tried to steady his hand as it shook harshly. His breathing would definitely give him away if he didn’t calm down. Kunikida was yelling again, at Atsushi this time repremanding him for the mission with Akutagawa for almost getting stabbed... again. He should be used to this he thought, being yelled at is normal right?

It wasn’t in this case. Even Dazai thought Kunikida was being over dramatic and saw just how uncomfortable Atsushi was. He noticed the shaking hands and the almost dazed look in his eyes but before he could say anything Atsushi was up and out of the room saying he needed to speak with the president and if it weren’t for Yosano’s instinct to check on him no one would have followed him out.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Panic attacks were horrible. Atsushi hated that he couldn’t control them, hated the feeling that loomed in his mind and body and fuck even his soul felt like shit. Yosano’s voice echoed outside the small office that the ADA used as a storage room she knew he was in there yet he could hear someone else but couldn’t quiet- the president shit.

Atsushi tried to straighten himself out in case the two walked in but let’s be honest he couldn’t cover the red puffy eyes or make up a story as to why he was in their storage room.

“Atsushi?” Yosano said softly as she clicked open the door. Atsushi bit his lip and kept his face in his hands- don’t look at them, don’t look at them, they’ll think you are pathetic and weak. You’ll cry again don’t do that. “Atsushi can the president and I sit with you?”

He nodded, the nod was small but the doctor and president saw and came to his side. Fukuzawa placed a calming hand on the young man’s back only for Atsushi to flinch and melt into his hand as Fukuzawa rubbed calming circles on his back. Yosano gripped onto his hands.

Fukuzawa nearly froze when his hand found the ridges of deep scaring on the small young man’s side and gave Yosano a side glance.

“Atsushi I want you to tell me the truth alright.” Yosano started. “You can’t lie to me I know the signs of a panic attack when I see one and we also know you’ve not been feeling well. Kyoka came to me telling me you’d been crying to sleep. We’re here to help.”

“You don’t need to tell us the whole truth my boy.” Fukuzawa adds. If the president is honest he began to see Atsushi from a fatherly perspective but being his boss has made it awkward to try and initiate that. Atsushi sighed and shook. Yosano squeezed his hand comfortingly. He struggled to find the words before settling on something- a lyric to a song he heard the other day that resonated so heavily.

“I'm in need of a savior, but I'm not asking for favors. My whole life, I've felt like a burden. I think too much, and I hate it. I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring. Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence.”

His body shook as he choked out the words. It felt good to admit them but at the same time- his arms itched in a way that wasn’t healthy he wanted to scratch and scratch until the feeling stopped but Yosano was holding his hands.

“Oh Atsushi no.” Yosano said. “You mean so much to us- you are in no way shape or form a burden. You are like the little brother I’ve always wanted thinking isn’t bad only if you keep it to yourself. We are here for you.”

“I haven’t been able to speak to you about this-“ The president started. “But I think of you as almost a son like I do Ranpo. I wish I would have spoken to you earlier about that and I must say I wish we were closer I’m sorry I never saw signs of you not feeling well.”

“I- thank-you.” Atsushi cried. “No one... no one ever wanted me before. It’s hard to want to live when all you are told is horrible things. I wanted to- I almost don’t want to keep going.” He admits.

Yosano and Fukuzawa’s eyes widen and pull Atsushi in for a hug in the most sisterly and fatherly way they could.

“If it’s okay please don’t tell the others. I’m not ready for them to know.”

“Okay.”

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Fukuzawa and Yosano kept a closer eye on Atsushi from then on. He was thankful they made him feel wanted. They’d force him to take breaks and take him or for dinners. Fukuzawa often invited himself over to his dorm with gifts of food and such- his excuse to Kyoka was that he saw Atsushi as a son and she accepted it because well it was the truth.

After some particularly rough missions it was becoming obvious to Yosano that Atsushi was pushing himself to exhaustion to finish them. Akutagawa has even forced himself to walk with the weretiger to the ADA headquarters much to Atsushi’s distain. The damn mafioso was actually worried since he nearly died... again and all Atsushi did was snap at him.

Yosano offered her comforting hugs to Atsushi and sharp words with the Mafioso. Let’s just say Akutagawa left knowing something new about the weretiger. He now knew Atsushi was suffering from something- was he being an asshole and thinking he was weak. Yes. Why? Because he’s an asshole. Even his own sister was worried for the damn boy it was annoying.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

Dazai knee something was wrong. He had to it’s Dazai. Atsushi’s lacklustre efforts and near suicidal approaches to missions proved it. Dazai wasn’t good with words and in no way did he know what to say... like;

“Hey Atsushi do you want to die or something?” Doesn’t sit right as a question to give. The tall man noticed how close he was to the president and the doctor- after his clear panic attack - and it was doing him some good but it didn’t stop him from worrying especially since he boy mumbled a lot to himself and Dazai had started listening to said mumbles.

“Burden.... hate it.... wrong.... die in a ditch.... give up give up give up.”

How do you ask someone if they want to keep living?

I've been quiet for too long

Ranpo was known for his damn ability. Ranpo knee he fucking knew but he never said anything- mostly because when he went to tell the president he merely shushed him and said to keep quiet about it. He doesn’t worry for anyone... he gets bored and has no attachments and doesn’t bother tying to be friendly with the orphan but being told to keep something this heavy quiet weighed on Ranpo’s shoulders. He hated it.

He cornered Atsushi on his break and told him he knew and that he hadn’t told anyone. He told him to be strong and brave because he was loved by the other members and he told him the bridges often led to being saved as well.

Bridges....

I've been quiet for too long

Junichiro didn’t know Atsushi as well as he would have liked. He didn’t and he wasn’t going to pretend he did but seeing the boy like this for the first time he didn’t expect him to suddenly be so small and thin and drained of all energy- what did Dazai do this time? He thought wantonly. He didn’t expect to see him at the Yokohama bridge staring at the water. He didn’t expect to see him so sad.

“Ranpo was right.” He whispered looking towards the ginger man. “Bridges can lead us to being saved as well.”

“What? How about we go get something to eat and then we call Dazai to come get you.” Junichiro suggested.

“No. No calling anyone. I’m tired Junichiro.” He said. The ginger man shuffled awkwardly. He smiled at him and began to walk away, Junichiro following at his heels leading them both to a familiar building. The ADA headquarters.

“Why are we here?”

“Atsushi?” The presidents voice reverbed in the walls of the hall as he left his office.

With that Atsushi broke down. “I need help.” He admitted.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

[bsd-fan]

Biggest comment in the story

@altairgavin

Hi, you don´t know me and I swear that I just tried to make a simple comment in ao3 like a normal person but I ended up writing 5192 words and I couldn´t post all of this in the platform so...yeah. 

Okay, so I don´t really know if you will read this comment or if you will continue this series (I really hope you do because this series is basically my religion) but regardless of all that, I just read the whole thing and I realized that I needed to write a comment to make you know how utterly and madly in love I am with what you created. I want to say that this really started just as a comment but at some point I honestly lost all focus and I just started to fangirl so hard that I´m embarrassed of myself, I started throwing my opinions, headcanons, and impressions of the characters and this ended up being a mess, so you can just skip this seven pages and read the last paragraph hahaha, I really hope this is not as annoying as I think it is.

So first of all I want to apologize because I know this whole comment will be a mess, English is not my first language and I love this fanfic so much that I can´t even put together two sentences so I just really hope this whole babbling make sense. The first time I realized what this was about I screamed, soukoku is my otp and I can´t begin to explain how much I love them and how special they are for me, and to be able to read them in one of the universes I adore the most? It was like a dream come true but at the same time I was kind of scared cause I´m not really a fan of most of the crossovers that have been written here, however as soon as I started with this I knew I have found gold.  

Your writing is absolutely divine, it stirred memories of an eleven year old me reading harry potter and wishing I was there, it felt like going home but better because I don´t just care for the characters, I LOVE every single one of them. There are so many things to be impressed with this works, so many things I want to say, so many praises I want to give but the thing that really left me breathless were the characters, how you write them? Is an art, they feel complex, they feel real, they feel human. I laugh with the characters, I cry with them, I got angry with them and screamed at them and I can´t praise you enough for that. Actually I want to stop in this part, I already loved this characters with all my soul so I´m always subjective when I read fanfiction, I always care for the characters regardless of how they are written just because they are dazai and chuuya but what you have done here?  is impressive and wonderful and amazing because this is one of the very very few works in which I don´t care just for Asagiri characters, I care for YOUR characters, I love the characters that YOU have created. Don’t misunderstand me, all of your characters are canon compliant, the way you manage to respect the characterizations is probably one of the bigger reasons I´m so deeply in love with this works, you have written my favorite dazai of all the dazais I´ve ever read and the one I consider more in character but what I admire the most? What truly leaves me speechless?  is how you make this characters canon compliant and still manage to make them grow and develop. If canon chuuya and dazai were transported to Hogwarts at that age, this is exactly they way I think they would act like. I want to tell you how much I admire you cause I know that neither chuuya nor dazai are easy characters to write, both of them are extremely complex specially if you are writing about them in an au, and I´m completely amazed of how you did it. They are tridimensional characters, they feel so so human and it´s so easy to love them. Every single thing in this au is so clever and amazingly done, it´s pretty obvious how much effort you put in this because everything is so well thought. I think one of the most intelligent decisions was to have this story narrated by Chuuya because he really is the perfect protagonist (better that harry in my opinion), he is so lovable and relatable and just a wonderful character to read. I love how he feels so real, he is intelligent and he has seen things that no kid should´ve seen, he is resilient, but he still is vulnerable, he is struggling with humanity, and with no having memories and then out of nowhere he is in this world full of magic in which he finds incredible people and he finds a home with them. I love how he is brave, and loyal to death, honest and he cares so damn much but at the same time I love how deeply flawed he is, chuuya is still chuuya, he is bad tempered and impulsive, he´s not really good with feelings and he gets scared and sometimes he doesn´t know how to communicate but he is there and he is trying, one of the reasons that it´s so easy to get into the story it´s because we have the best protagonist we could ask for. Now I want to make a (huge) parenthesis to talk about how absolutely insane is your writing, you are literally what every author refers to when they talk about “show not tell” one of my favorite scenes not just from fanfiction but from all the books I´ve ever read it’s the scene after Dazai is petrified. I think about that scene constantly and I still think it´s a masterpiece. Chuuya relationship with dazai is so damn incredible (I´m going to talk about this later) but it´s also difficult, I´m gonna make a little character study of chuuya because your character is so good that I really want to fangirl about him, of course this is just my perspective and I could be wrong but okay, chuuya is twelve, he has never been so close with someone and from my perspective I don’t think he has sorted out his feeling for dazai yet.  I think he knows that he cares for him so much more than he should, I think he knows that dazai is special to him in a way that no one is, he knows that his trust for dazai is on a whole different level, and he is clearly PINING (Even though I don´t think he has realized). From our point of view is so obvious that he loves him but for him? It isn´t that obvious. He can´t even explain his relationship with him, he knows that dazai is the closest person to him but he still feels reluctant to call him a friend (I think it´s because a part of him knows that what he feels for dazai is bigger than that, that his feelings for him are completely different from his feelings for kunikida, tachihara or tanizaki but I´m just theorizing) and I think it´s also because dazai is a lot sometimes, he is annoying and cunning and whiny and difficult so the normal response would be to be annoyed for him, right? And he is but at the same time he still likes him, so I feel like chuuya doesn´t know what to do with all those feelings and dazai doesn´t make it easy and he doesn´t know what dazai feels for him, so he tries to act like he doesn´t care that much, like he isn´t really affected even though he clearly is. This makes this whole thing better because:

a)       Is completely in character with chuuya

b)      Is perfectly in character for EVERY 12yo (really I acted just like this when I was his age)

c)       Makes this so much more entertaining and funny to read.

The best thing is that chuuya doesn´t act this way for the others, he actually wants to trick himself into thinking that he doesn´t care, in conclusion, nakahara chuuya in an unreliable narrator and I LIVE for that. So that scene after Dazai is petrified is amazing in every sense of the word because he knows that he won´t sleep, he knows that he is feeling too much and for us the readers is pretty clear that he is a mess, but he still tries to act like he doesn´t feel like falling into pieces. That conversation with kouyou is the best thing in the world. I LOVE that he can´t admit that he is feeling sad or scared, even in his mind he can´t admit it so he copes with anger because he can manage that. He says that he is pissed,  the best thing is that we are in his mind and even then chuuya tries to act like he is fine but the narration makes pretty damn clear that he is not fooling anyone. Kouyou knows that chuuya is fighting tears, and we know it too because the narration says it in a really subtle way.

“He took a deep breath and swallowed down the irritating lump in his throat” “He chewed his lip and breathed through his nose, trying to settle his racing heart” Is mentioned but chuuya doesn´t really stop to think about it because he is too busy acting like he is just angry. This whole thing makes the character more real, more interesting and a whole lot more complex because we can see the layers in him.

Here we have an actual paragraph of chuuya lying to himself: “Chuuya squeezes his eyes shut for a moment to repel the dry stinging threatening to give way tears, which was stupid because he wasn´t sad or afraid” and how he gets angry when he got called out “Chuuya wiped at his eyes, furious at them for betraying something he didn´t want to admit he was feeling”

And then we have Queen Kouyou who KNOWS.

“It´s not as if you´re completely honest with your emotions either, lad” Honestly I love how she knows how much they care for each other, how she clearly sees the mutual pining and how they are struggling with their emotions because they are kids, because neither of them have had feelings like this before and they are so emotional constipated it hurts but even with that she doesn’t say anything to chuuya, she knows that Chuuya has to figure that in his own, she knows that he still isn´t ready to aknowledge or face his feelings so she is just there to guide him and listen to him and honestly? SHE IS THE REAL QUEEN and I can´t begin to explain how much I love her.

I made all that gigantic mess to say that I love the way you narrate things, how even with out making it obvious we know what the characters are feeling and honestly? That´s fucking good writing. The way you make me feel everything the characters are feeling is a gift and I know that a lot of writers would kill to have that ability. This scene will forever be special for me, you really made something incredible there. And it´s not the only scene, the scene in the third book in which he tries to convince himself that he is not worried for dazai but he still looks for him when the dementors appear, because dazai is his safe place and also because if he feels danger his first instinct is to be with dazai so he can protect him too, or I really love how he immediately realized that dazai is not as clingy as always and that he is maintaining his physical distance and even when he never says it IT´S SO DAMN CLEAR HOW MUCH THAT IS BUGGING HIM. He is so annoyed but he can´t say it so he just acts like he isn´t. And that moment in the second book in which he screamed at dazai that he wanted him to stay lives in my mind rent free but I´m going to talk about this scene later.

I don´t really want to talk about Dazai because this clearly isn´t a comment anymore and its more of an essay with lots of fangirling and believe me, I can make a WHOLE character study from your Dazai because he is bloody brilliant and the best one I´ve read so far, I´m going to summarize this as much as I can. HE IS AMAZING. I think Dazai is the most difficult character to write because he is a contradictory character. I love lots of fanfiction but at the end most of the time I feel like Dazai´s personality is completely different from the canon and I get it, to write such a difficult character must be a nightmare. Most of the fanfics I´ve read basically portray him as this cold, lethal mafia boss that is completely whipped by chuuya to the point were he kind of resembles to every single male lead in every generic YA novel or go to the opposite with dazai being a massive and cruel asshole to the point that I just want to shot him or this  goofy character and I think the difficult part is that he can be all those things but it isn´t everything he is. And you found the perfect balance, and from my perspective he is just perfect, he is so complex and full of layers. He feels bad and kind of hollow and just like chuuya he is struggling with his humanity (Exactly like in canon), people call him “the demon kid” I don´t think that he really thinks of himself as just a kid, he is constantly bored but when he finds something that catch his interest he can´t let go, he doesn´t care for a lot of people but when he does he would kill and die for that people. He is brilliant and funny, and so charismatic that even when you want to slap him you can´t help but love him (again, just like canon Dazai) he is also dramatic and whiny but he still is cunning, and a liar and manipulative and he can be really cruel when he wants to be, he is even worse dealing with emotions than chuuya and I can´t even begin to address how much I adore him, he is so in character that every time I read him I want to cry of joy.

“He is definitely the type to freeze up and self destruct when he gets scared. Thinks too much and gets paranoid too” THAT WHOLE STATEMENT IS DAZAI, RIGHT THERE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED HIM SO WELL THAT I LEGIT SCREAMED THE FIRST TIME I READ IT. When he recollected the slugs and gave them to chuuya in Christmas and at the end of the first book? Also completely in character, how he always is there teasing chuuya and being ridiculous clingy but the moment he feels vulnerable he panics and try to put as much distance as possible, how he is so protective because people always leave him, how he is really possessive of chuuya and try to keep all his attention centered in himself it´s actually canon. 15 yo dazai did exactly that. I love that even if he is possessive with chuuya it´s pretty clear that he doesn´t see him as an object, he loves chuuya (even though I´M PRETTY SURE he hasn´t realized, honestly at this point I can physically feel his pining and even with that he is even more emotional stupid than chuuya so I think its gonna be a loooooong time before he realizes about his own feelings) chuuya is his partner and he worries for him so much that he doesn´t know what to do with himself, he gets scared by his own feelings and ends up acting like an ass. your dazai is the best thing I´ve ever read in my whole life. I love your chuuya, but damn, I would die for your dazai. And once again I want to scream about  how impressive it is that even when the story is being told by chuuya, we still get a good idea of what´s happening with dazai and what he is feeling, he is evolving and he also keeps getting better as a character and again its amazing cause he isn´t the one narrating, but he is still so damn well done? I also LOVE the delicacy in how you are talking about his mental health. So, this is really personal but I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I really can relate with your dazai, I love the way you write about it, dazai in this au is young he is still not the depressed and actively suicidal person of canon, I don´t know if in this au he is going to get to that point but the 13 yo dazai who actively looks for dangerous situations without care for his life is an incredible way to showing that dazai is not precisely healthy. I love his coping mechanisms, how first he acts all happy with fake smiles and try to change topic, when that doesn´t work he becomes an ass to try to push people away and when that also fails he ends up avoiding the person. Your dazai is so fucking real and I love him with all my soul.

All the characters in this series are amazing, I have already talked a little bit about Kouyou but she is incredible, the best teacher in the world and my queen, the friendship between yosano, ranpo, louisa and Poe is everything I needed in life. Yosano and Ranpo betting on chuuya´s relationship with dazai is one of the things I love the most in this whole au because they know too but they are jerks who just are there betting when skk is going to realize and I´M LIVING FOR THAT.  The chaotic energy of ranpo is so entertaining to read. Tachihara is so well done, how much he admires and cares for chuuya, how he is really jealous of dazai and how he doesn´t know how to act about it,  odasaku is flawless and I really like ango, tanizaki and kunikida.  I love your Akutagawa and atsushi with every part of my self.

Now that I talked about how your writing is evocative, addictive and just wonderful and how I would die for your characters I want to talk about the relationships because OMG I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! Let´s start with the one between dazai and chuuya. Their relationship is so heartwarming and my heart swells with so much love every time I think about them. I love how their relationship feels so natural from the very beginning, it just feels right. My favorite thing about it it´s that even though it´s natural is not easy. Their relationship is complicated just like them. They are perfectly imperfect. They are exactly what soukoku stands for, they are partners, they push the other to be better, they challenge each other, they put the other out of their comfort zone, truly “only a diamond can polish a diamond” they are opposites in almost every way and that´s how it is supposed to be, it´s because of that that they are able to compliment the other so well but that also means that in many many ways their relationship is also a mess. They clash a lot, they don´t always understand each other. One of my favorite things is how chuuya feels kind of insecure around odasaku because odasaku is always calm and collected, he just understands dazai and it seems like he does it easily while he struggles all the time. I love chuuya exactly because of that, chuuya is not the kind of person who just understands and that´s okay and in many ways I think  that´s exactly what Dazai needs. Chuuya won´t just understand, he will tell him when he is acting like an idiot, he will tell him when is time to fucking stop, he will be there and call him out when dazai is too afraid to face things. One of my favorite things is that how they get mad, that they don´t always like each other but they still love each other. How even when it´s difficult they want to be together, how at the end of the day after the fights and bickering they know that the other is gonna be there, that they are not alone and what is most beautiful than that? They are kids that grew up in the most horrible situations. Chuuya was alone, without memories, without family, he didn´t have anything, on the other side there was dazai who grew up with a slimy and horrible person who constantly tries to manipulate him and use him at his convenience, he never had a homemade food, he was empty and hollow and they were so lonely and then this kids find each other. I love how messy their relationship is. Is difficult to figure your feelings when you are a teenager and for them? It´s a lot harder, they never had anyone who taught them what it was to be loved, they grew up in a horrible world, they are terribly emotional constipated, they can´t fucking communicate to save their lives (Also a very canon thing), they have unhealthy coping mechanisms and apart from all of that they are also opposites in almost every way of course they are going to clash, of course they get mad, of course they don´t know how to fix things, this is a first for both of them but they are trying. I love how even if chuuya hasn´t realize the depth of his feelings for dazai, he still is very conscious that he choose dazai, that he could´ve trust yosano, kunikida, tachihara or someone else with his story but he trusted dazai, he choose to trust dazai, he choose to be his partner and dazai did the same for him. They are in this together even when sometimes they drive each other crazy.

The scene after Louisa is petrified is one of my favorites because I think it perfectly portrays their relationship. That was the first scene in which chuuya truly was angry with dazai and it wasn´t about dazai being an ass or doing things purposely to get chuuya mad, actually he didn´t do anything wrong and he is confused because this time he really doesn´t know where he went wrong. I love that chuuya also knew that dazai didn´t do anything bad but he still was angry because he couldn´t help it. They faced a situation and they act differently, dazai was being rational and doing what he thought was the best, chuuya knows that but he was scared and he needed dazai by his side in that moment, he didn´t want rationality. In that fight neither of them did anything wrong, they just had different reactions and that´s something that happens, I love how we know for sure that chuuya loves dazai but sometimes he still needs time away from him so he walked with louisa and ranted about dazai with her and I think it´s the same for dazai, of course chuuya is definitely not as difficult as him to be with but he also needs his time alone (we know that from what he says about he walking at night because he can´t sleep) or with ango or odasaku. I love how even if neither of them know what they are feeling or doing, they are so into each other and oh my god they are pining so hard.  They are still kids, there isn´t any real physical attraction yet, they aren´t in the point of “being in love” in the traditional more adult way but they already love each other so much and it really hits me how we know that just from the narrative, specially in chuuya´s case. He won´t say it but he is hyper aware of Dazai, he always notices when dazai is smiling and the he starts smiling too, he knows when dazai is giving a fake smile, and when he is tense or sad or angry. He tries his best to learn more of dazai and it´s pretty obvious that he treasures the little things he has learned about him even if it´s something as simple as his favorite color. I love how they look for each other touch even when neither of them have a lot experience with physical contact. I totally imagine them like one of those couples that are touching each other all the time in the future and you know the worst part? I don´t think anyone will be surprised. Dazai is already all over chuuya most of the time (except in this book and I also want to know why) they have holden each other hands and wrists, they lean into the other, they have cuddled to sleep, they have hugged and held each other and that always makes me feel all giddy inside. AND THE TRUST, the inhuman trust that characterize soukoku is right there and it has me sobbing.

So again, this is just my point of view and I can be totally wrong, but from my perspective is so funny to see them pining without them knowing that they are. I read “Chuuya Nakahara and the Time that Doesn't Exist” and Dazai was pining so hard from the very first moment (I mean, I don´t blame him. Chuuya truly is the most beautiful person on earth). Once I read your comment about how chuuya is pining for dazai but at that point of the story was just a tree while dazai´s pining was an entire forest and I CAN TOTALLY SEE THAT, but at the same time I headcanon that even if Dazai is the one pining harder, he is also the most oblivious about his own feelings? But I don´t know maybe he is already completely aware of his feelings for chuuya and I´m just making a mess of things hahaha. I love that chuuya kind of knows but at the same time he doesn´t, his denial is so strong that he can´t even think of that but at the same time we know that at least deep, deep, deeeeep down he kind of knows and we have the funniest most relatable reactions everytime someone even suggest that they feel more than friendship and he is just there choking with things, blushing and desperately trying to change the topic. I swear those scenes are my favorite ones, I´m always there laughing my ass off and wishing I was with yosano and ranpo to bet about skk love life.

“-He´s just…my partner

The tanizaki sibling´s eyebrows shot upward

-Let´s go find a compartiment, Atsushi” Chuuya grumbled, face warming up”

“-You can still love people even if they annoy you from time to time.

The second year´s face heated up alarmingly fast as he almost breaks the glass of orange juice with his grip- I don´t—why would you think I—what the hell is all that supposed to mean?

-That you care about him?

-That is not what you said”

“-What would you call yourselves then? Confidants? Lovers?

Chuuya choked”

JUST LOOK AT HIM, HE IS A MESS, OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, MY SWEET STUPID CHILD IN DENIAL.

Soukoku relationship in this au is everything I needed in life to be happy, thank you for creating it.

And the relationship between chuuya and kouyou? *Chef kiss* is so damn good, I love how they deeply care for each other, and how she is always there to help him when he needs her, I love how she even stands for dazai in his own way and how she is literally the best adult in existence. I love how she is always teaching chuuya things and wants the better for him, so she is kind of strict but at the same time she is spoiling him. I love chuuya relationship with Arthur and paul, they have this parental kind of relationship, they obviously care and like chuuya a lot and Arthur is there acting like the overprotective father for chuuya (sometimes acting like a judgemental asshole) and how chuuya thinks of their house as the closest thing to a home have me in tears. I love dazai´s relationship with odasaku and ranpo and how much they care for him, I love that oda is always there to listen to him not matter what. I love chuuya and tanizaki´s friendship, I adore shin soukoku relationship even though we haven´t seen much of them but it´s already amazing. We see bitter, angsty Akutagawa following dazai like is his light vs the sweet precious atsushi and how they bicker and god I´M EMO FOR THEM, I LOVE THEM. Let´s talk about ranpo, yosano, louisa and Edgar friendship again because their chaotic energy is everything I asked for, they love each other and are there being brilliant and funny and I WOULD DIE FOR THEM.

I also want to make a point of how much I love your dialogues, because I FUCKING LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY SOUL. I want to fangirl about more scenes, I want to talk about the unicorn and their fist hug, I want to talk about chuuya first birthday, I want to talk about the Christmas with Rimbaud and Verlaine, and about the scenes in the infirmary in the third book, I want to talk about my theories about the plot and about chuuya and corruption but at this point this thing is scary and I already look like a crazy person so I will stop here.

This started as a comment, this clearly isn´t a comment anymore and it turned into an essay with character studies and relationship studies and probably me overanalyzing things, I hope this whole thing isn´t as crazy as I think it is. But if you want to take something from this whole thing is that you are an amazing writer, that you are creative and have a wonderful, startling style, that you make characters and relationships so incredible that there´s a person who is willing to write seven pages about them, because they are inspiring and breathtaking, that there are scenes that will live with me forever. This fanfic is everything I would ask for, I would love to see you continue the series, there are still lots of things I want to see, a lot of characters I want to meet but if this is the last one you are willing to write (even though I really hope it´s not the case) I just want to thank you for creating something as amazing as this. Thank you for sharing this amazing content with us and if you decide to continue the series then I will be right there, screaming like crazy and fangirling really hard.

[drangues]

Listen this is a GIANT CAT we’re talking about here, and canon!Fukuzawa was undoubtedly disappointed that he didn’t get to play with the tiger that first time. I refuse to believe otherwise. Now that he has the option, he isn’t gonna CARE that it’s technically an eldritch abomination, he’s gonna pet it and play with it and get it to chase a laser pointer. And! He definitely has the cutest laugh, and Dazai thinks so, too. (Nyanon, 1/7)

But this is Atsushi we’re talking about, so he has confidence issues, even as a teeny tiny shoulder angel. Don’t worry, though, Dazai and Kyouka will make him see that he’s adorable and cute and yes, Dazai would very much like to give him kisses. Moving on, though, I’m! Glad you like the idea of those three joining up! Poe jumped out at me because I really, really wanna see him interact with Atsushi, since they’d be Anxiety Buddies. (Nyanon, 2/7)

Sigma came about because the poor man literally came from a book with nothing else to his name? Give him a family??? And of course they need an Adult, so Oda also felt like a natural choice- Atsushi definitely tries, but he is only one person and also he’s too fluffy to take seriously, sometimes. Also also I feel it necessary to mention that, while they know what he looks like, he probably tries to cover up even with people who know him. (Nyanon, 3/7)

It isn’t like he doesn’t trust them! He just doesn’t want them to have to look at a Monster. They don’t care, but he’s very self conscious, and Dazai and Chuuya will be getting beaten up if they make him cry. Not that they would! They’re just as protective, once they get to know him. And I. I don’t know how to feel about you comparing an idea to- That??? asdfghjkl IS THIS A GOOD OR BAD AU. Anyways, don’t worry! Atsushi and Chuuya get out through ADA-PM Truce Shenanigans. (Nyanon, 4/7)

Eventually. But time flows differently between dimensions, and it’s been a long while since they’ve had to Human once they return- And that isn’t considering the things they had to go through to survive. But hey! At least their bodies aren’t breaking down on them, right? And aaahhh I’m! Once again very happy that you liked my writing! I was actually even more nervous about this one? I was really worried that I’d mess up Dazai’s character, somehow. (Nyanon, 5/7)

As I’m sure you could tell, his mental state through what happened was a big part of it, and I feel like I’m not always the best with dialogue... I’m glad everything worked out, though! Also, hopefully Atsushi calling him “Osamu-san” instead of “Dazai-san” was okay? I just assumed that they might be less formal with each other if they grew up together. Anyways, here’s another (fluffy, this time) AU Concept: Everyone runs a magical reserve together! (Nyanon, 6/7)

The ADA, the PM, a few members of the Guild or other organizations... They all look after endangered or dangerous magical creatures, like certain fairies, dragons, unicorns, and stuff like that. Fukuzawa and Mori co-run the place, Chuuya works primarily with dragons, Dazai and Ranpo are two lead researchers, and Atsushi is an intern who also happens to be magic-nip. (Nyanon, 7/7)

atsushi has the confidence of a pencil lead, it breaks way too easily and hIM AND POE WOULD DEFINITELY BE ANXIETY BUDDIES, sigma deserves a family he would be so cute and oda being the dad and taking care of everybody??? im in tears. crying. haRD

IT’S A GOOD AU DW OEHJKDS I JUST USE WEIRD COMPARISIONS and chuuya and dazai better beat up anyone that harms atsushi or E L S E-

you didnt mess up dazais character you made him P E R F E C T i swear it’s so good bro and it makes sense he would say “osamu-san” even “osamu-kun” !!! cus theyre so close- atsushi would definitely switch to dazai when hes in front of others or mad at dazai (though that rarely happens)

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE THAT,,,FUCK,,,,MAGICAL CREATURES HNNGSJDKSJS d u d e . fUCK- you think one of them wouldve been raised by a magical animal owo?? like not R A I S  E D- oh maybe when atsushi escapes wherever hes lead by a magical creature to the magical reserve which is the ADA :OOO??? idk man i LOVE THIS SO MUCH- also do you think the guild, ada and pm would each have an animal/animals they specifically focus on?? like maybe ada is more of an expert on fairies and pm is more of an expert with trolls and dragons idk it just Makes Sense what do you think tho??

[osamuchuu]

Hello!! Sorry this took so long, anon, I hope you enjoy it!!! Hit the read more for the full thing. ^-^

~~~

The mission was currently shaping up to be a supreme success, which to Chuuya, meant something horrible was about to happen.

Dazai was at the front desk checking them into whatever hellhole they were meant to stay in that evening to keep up their current cover, all smiles and charm and flirtatious looks until he finally grabbed their keycards and turned towards Chuuya.

“Fifth floor, Slug.” Dazai’s expression slid into that unsettling, flat thing again as he handed Chuuya the keycard. The emptiness in his partner’s eyes wasn’t helping and Chuuya still couldn’t shake the sense of unease even as the elevator doors closed around them.

“I’m just saying I think we should double back and make sure they’re all really dead. That one guy I got on the second floor...” He reopened the argument they were having before arriving at the hotel.

“Slug’s knife went through his chest, and then came out the other side...” Dazai’s lips twitched upward with the recollection. He still loved gore, even two years into his mafia tenure, though it no longer made him grin or giggle.

“I’m fucking telling you, I have a feeling-“ Chuuya argued back.

“Oh~? Chibi has a feeling? Why didn’t he tell me before!? We should definitely risk blowing our cover and double back into an active crime scene because Chibi has a feeling! Maybe I’ll even get to die! I’m sold!” Dazai’s animated tone paired violently with his flat expression.

“Fuck you!” Everything about this mission felt wrong to Chuuya now.

“What an intelligent riposte~!” Dazai mocked.

“I’m telling you I think we need to go bac-”

“We don’t, now shut up.” Dazai crowded into his space, cutting him off. Hot breath crept across Chuuya’s neck as Dazai leaned in to whisper at the corner of his mouth, tracing his tongue lightly over his bottom lip. The Mackerel spoke again in a tone that was low, and cruel. “Be a good dog. Sit. Stay.”

The elevator doors opened just in time for Dazai to fly out of it ass first as Chuuya’s punch sent him careening into the opposite wall.

He walked past Dazai, who was whining and crying dramatically as he dug himself out of a hole in the wall.

Chuuya swiped the keycard at the door to room 511 and closed it just as he saw Dazai stumble around the corner, sliding the safety deadlock into place and turning the television up over Dazai’s whines.

He lay on the bed and shut his eyes for a few minutes, but Chuuya knew it was only so long before Dazai would decide to just shoot the fucking door in. Sure enough, he opened the door to find Dazai in the process of loading his gun.

“Get inside, shithead.”

“Oh, has Chibi given up his plan to go back out tonight~?” Dazai put his gun down on the hall counter, locking the door as he entered.

“No.” Chuuya replied, aggravation settling comfortably back into his tone.

Dazai moved into the space gracefully, throwing his coat on the bed nearest the window before turning to face Chuuya in the area between the two beds, smirking.

“Will you accept my logic and recognize that your feelings are just meaningless, amateur anxieties?”

“No.” Chuuya glared up at the bandaged asshole.

“Well, will you listen to me because, technically, I’m your superior?”

“Fuck no.”

“Chibi is so hard to control~” Dazai sighed.

“Yes, and you’re easy.”

“I am?” Dazai blinked down at Chuuya, suddenly all innocent curiosity.

Chuuya reached upward, sliding his fingers around Dazai’s nape and stroking his thumb along that stupidly sharp jawline. Dazai’s breath caught and Chuuya watched him struggle not to lean into the caress.

Dazai’s eyes fell shut to hide their softening, but that was its own admission of defeat.

“Now who’s the amateur, shitty Dazai?”

Chuuya knew he would pay for that comment, be it through a simple inconvenience like Dazai ditching him in the middle of a mission, or some more elaborate, calculated trauma. He would suffer for it, and so he let Dazai suffer now, under his touch.

It was amazing, how much it hurt the Demon Prodigy to be touched. It made Chuuya feel in control, for a little while anyway, before Dazai would rip it back and they’d start up a new cycle with higher stakes. Always higher.

If this partnership went on much longer, all of Yokohama might bend beneath their shadows.

“Chuuya...” Dazai broke along with his voice, finally leaning into the touch.

Now he knew Dazai’s revenge would be cruel, this flavor of open vulnerability was never without price; so Chuuya became crueler still, and touched the other more gently.

“Shut up.” Chuuya pulled his partner down by the tie, reveling in the silent shudder that went through Dazai’s frame as Chuuya stroked his fingers through the other’s hair, mouth sucking at his adam’s apple.

Fucking amateur.

~~~

[carpe-somnium]

“Dimwit Dazai is safe“

After watching Dead Apple, I really wondered why Chuuya was sitting there on the floor on his own and tried my best to create something that couly have happened between those two scenes:

https://youtu.be/0e9xckPB9tM

https://youtu.be/6FLgy6V-4Ng

please be gentle with me, this is the first thing I have written in years 🥺

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As they dropped to the hard concrete floor, Chuuya let out a choked noise as a result of the air being pushed out of his body by the sudden force of his body hitting the floor. Due to Dazai nullifying his ability, he wasn’t able to catch himself as swiftly as he would have been able by simply manipulating gravity. He had landed hard on his knees, somehow planted directly between Dazai’s slender legs and felt the impact of his body colliding with the floor throughout his body. He was now directly staring down at the taller man’s crotch. His arms were sprawled awkwardly over Dazai’s thighs and his tired body felt heavy and tingly. Even though he hasn’t felt like this a lot, he sure knew the feeling that came after using corruption to an extent that was testing his entire body’s limits. The previous fight against the dragon had cost him a great deal of energy, he wasn’t even sure if he had made it any minute longer.

To get out of his awkward position, he tried lifting his head up immediately, only to be held back by Dazai's hand on his neck which was restraining his head from moving up. “Let go, asshole!”, Chuuya hissed, trying not to stare too hard at Dazai's crotch right in front of him. He couldn’t help it - he was quite literally held back from doing anything besides staring at it. For a moment he caught himself wondering what size was hiding just beneath the fancy white pants. “Don’t move.”, he heard Dazai's voice somewhere above his head, “The fog hasn’t cleared.” Hearing this made Chuuya reflexively hold his breath for a second before he realized that he could have breathed in the strange fog since the moment he hit the floor.

“I don’t want to have to protect you from your special ability in this situation.” Of course, that made sense. It at least explained why Dazai was still touching him, but it didn’t explain why he was also keeping his head down at all. Chuuya had heard about the suicides, that seemingly had caused ability users to kill themselves with their own abilities. Knowing his strength, he was quite sure that he would not fall for some stupid ability that tried to mess with his head, but on the other hand it caused some anxiety in the pit of his stomach that he didn’t fully know how it worked. His will to live was always quite strong - very much contrasting the man whose crotch he had to stare at. But still, he did not know how the fog made sane ability users go mad enough to kill themselves, so he had to trust Dazai on this one.

“It’s still not over?”, Chuuya muttered, as he slowly felt the exhaustion spread throughout his entire body like poison. “No, it’s just beginning.” Dazai's answer sounded almost like he was miles away. Chuuya tried his best to keep his mind focused, and most importantly awake, but the heavy feeling in his limbs made it almost impossible. “Shit.”, he coursed between gritted teeth, blinking rapidly as the weight of Dazai's hand suddenly felt like it had doubled over the course of a few seconds. His neck felt slowly started cramping, the muscles barely able to hold his head up in the position he was in.

“I can’t move a single finger.” He blinked again, putting all of his thoughts to the goal of staying conscious, as his body finally gave up. Chuuya wasn’t even sure if he had finished his sentence, as his heavy eyelids closed and his head slowly dropped into Dazai’s lap. Then, Chuuya was out like a light. His head resting on Dazai's lap while his body was awkwardly sprawled across his legs.

Dazai's hand was still hovering over the place where Chuuya’s head had been only a moment ago, as he looked down on the smaller man’s unconscious figure. The way his head had dropped into his lap would give him a sore neck afterwards, but that would probably be the least of his worries when he wakes up. Mentally preparing himself for the yelling that would follow as soon as the mafia executive would wake up again, Dazai  gently put his hand back on Chuuya's head.

Touching his bare arm would have been just as effective, though Dazai didn’t care too much about it. For a moment he wondered where Chuuya had left his coat but didn’t question it further. His ex-partner would often leave his coat behind, especially during fights. He once explained that it would only hinder him in his movements, and he would have a wider range for his attacks if he left the coat behind. That was probably due to the fact that even after all those years, he primarily used his legs instead of his arms when it came to near-range combat moves.

Eventually there would be small sounds of falling rocks or cracks in the surrounding mess, but otherwise, it was awfully quiet. Dazai took a second look around the place they had landed, looking for potential threats and also for Chuuya's hat and coat. When he didn’t notice anything that looked suspicious, so he let out a small sigh and tried to relax a bit.

Dazai looked down at Chuuya who was breathing steadily against his side. Even though the position he was in was everything but comfortable, the bundle of anger looked a lot calmer than he usually did when Dazai was around. Absentmindedly, Dazai started gently stroking the ginger locks, making them look even more disheveled than they were before. He slowly shifted his position a bit, stretching his legs, so he would be more comfortable. Chuuya's motionless body slid a bit closer to the floor, arms sprawled next to Dazai's legs. The cold floor sure would be cold uncomfortable in this position, but neither Dazai's butt nor Chuuya's unconscious body cared at this moment due to the post-fight exhaustion.

He didn’t know how long they had stayed in this position, but Dazai eventually had closed his eyes just for a short while in order to relax a bit. His hand was still buried in Chuuya’s hair, stroking the soft curls now and then. The small groans that came from the man in his lap became more noticeable from minute to minute, so Dazai figured that the princess would be waking up soon.

Chuuya’s head moved a little and Dazai heard him hiss in pain. “What... the fuck.”, Chuuya murmured as he found himself in a very strange angle, still spread out between a pair of long legs. He felt a hand that was caressing his awkwardly twisted head slowly and gently and realized that he was still laying on Dazai after the previous fight they were in and tried lifting his head again, this time without being held down again. “The fog has cleared. You should be safe now.”, Dazai exclaimed, without showing any emotion in his tone. His hand was still placed on Chuuya’s head as he lifted it and his eyes met Dazai’s.

Due to the strange position he had fallen unconscious in, he was now laying on top of Dazai, his hands supporting his weight next to the tall man’s hips. He felt incredibly heavy, his body ached for sleep and the warmth radiating from the body underneath him didn’t make it any better. “You deserve a good night’s sleep”, Dazai commented, as if he had read Chuuya’s mind. That obvious, huh? Chuuya nodded slowly, his neck aching with even the smallest movement. “It was a tough day.”, Chuuya simply answered, not able to contain a small yawn as he sat up between Dazai’s legs. He noticed the small smile on the lips of his ex-partners face, it was only there for the blink of an eye.

Despite his entire body protesting against the movements, Chuuya slowly stood up and stretched his sore limbs. He was pretty sure that there was no part of his body that didn’t make a cracking sound at that moment. He looked down at Dazai who looked back up at him and sighed heavily. “Get up, idiot.” Chuuya stretched out his hand and Dazai took it, only to be pulled back to his feet again. He often forgot how strong the smaller man was, despite his petite figure and even without his ability.

Dazai didn’t loosen his grip on Chuuya’s hand, even as he was standing up. “I need my hand back, you know. You got two yourself.”, he commented, craning his sore neck a bit to look up into Dazai’s face. Now they were in the next awkward position, standing almost uncomfortably close to each other, just breathing and staring in each other's eyes, as the sun was slowly rising. The warm colors of the sunrise reflected in Dazai’s brown eyes, making them look like they were made of honey or liquid gold. The color softened his usual cold and absent gaze that he usually wore after a fight. Chuuya swallowed hard. It was moments like these that made him realize the beauty of the man in front of him. “Take a picture, that will last longer.”, Dazai’s bemused voice commented on Chuuya staring at his face for a bit too long to be unintentional.

Chuuya freed his hand from Dazai’s grip, due to the absence of his gloves, awfully aware of their warm softness. He still can’t believe those were the hands of a mass murderer. “I’m just tired and zoned out for a bit, shut up.” His voice was back to the usual anger, even though it was a bit dulled by tiredness. “Oh? So you only stared at me like that because you are tired?” Dazai leaned a bit forward with a playful undertone in his voice. He liked taking every given opportunity to tease Chuuya, it was his way of making sure he was okay even after such a tough day. “Oi, back off”, Chuuya exclaimed angrily, shooting death glares at Dazai. He wasn’t in the mood to give in to his teasing, he just wanted to go home and soak his body in a hot bath while drinking some expensive wine. Was that too much to ask for?

“Oh you mean like this?” With a smug grin on his face, Dazai leaned closer. “Other direction, dimwit.” Like a cat that didn’t want a human face in its fur, Chuuya pushed his hands against Dazai’s face, trying to push him away. Surprisingly, he then felt a grip on his wrists that pulled his hands from Dazai’s face and his whole body closer to the other man’s. He stumbled a bit, completely taken off guard by the sudden movement, and fell against a skinny but tall body.

“Did that fog mess up your head even more than usual or-”, Chuuya’s complaints were completely cut off by a pair of soft lips being pressed on his. That definetely was new. Too shocked to move at first, he just stood there, not sure if that was really happening right now. Even more surprised by his own actions, Chuuya slowly started moving his lips against Dazais, returning his kiss shyly. His tense body leaned into the taller man as he stood up on the tip of his toes in an attempt to balance out their height difference a bit. Chuuya felt Dazai’s arms wrapping around his waist, holding him flush against his own body, steadying both of their bodies. They found a slow and sloppy pace in their kissing really quickly, almost like they did this all the time.

With his hands free from the grip on his wrists, Chuuya slowly started moving them up into Dazai’s hair, slowly stroking the soft brown curls and running them through his fingers as the kiss deepened. He felt the others hands trail down from his waist to his hips, squeezing them lightly, pressing their bodies even closer together than before. Dazais body felt warm and good against his, even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he enjoyed it while it lasted. The warmth that was being pressed against him made Chuuya forget about the aches of his body for a moment, his mind feeling foggy.

In the back of his mind he questioned if he was still unconcious on the floor, being left behind by Dazai in the strange fog. Maybe the fog showed people something they would absolutely hate so they would want to kill themselves afterwards? But those doubts were quickly passed aside by the realness of Dazai’s big warm hands rubbing circles on the small of his back. No. This couldn’t be a trick of some ability. This was real and this was strange but also... good. It was the only thing that would stop their bickering for a while and replace it with the hazy feeling of nothingness that came with kissing somebody.

After what felt like an eternity, they slowly pulled away from each other, gasping for breath. Nobody said anything. Chuuya wanted to say something rude, something smug... but he was lost for words for once, which was not often the case. Dazai had caught him off guard, wiped every thought about the previous fight out of his mind and made him lost for words. “I’m glad you made it out alive. I wouldn’t know who else to bother if you had died without me.”, Dazai said while his face was still close to Chuuya’s, his voice a mere whisper. Chuuya opened his mouth to respond something, but he was still lost for words. It was like Dazai slapped him across the face. His words sank into Chuuyas mind as he repeated them over and over again. It sounded honestly, despite their usual rivalry and hatred for each other. They often told the other one to go and die in a filthy ditch so this turn was entirely new. “Well it would be boring without you so I figured saving you or die trying would be fitting.”

Dazai chuckled and slowly let go of Chuuya’s body, moving back a bit in order to put some space between them. Kissing his rival was not what he originally intendet, but the intense stare of those ocean blue eyes and the high feeling after a fight that’s been won made him throw his concerns overboard. And he regret nothing.

“I should go back to the Agency and apologize for teaming up with the enemy for a while.” Pushing his hair back behind his ear as he spoke, Dazai gave Chuuya a small smile and Chuuya understood. It wouldn’t be good to be seen together now. Their rivaling organizations wouldn’t be too pleased to find out that they shared a little moment after teaming up only to fight a greater evil. He nodded and sat back down on the floor, leaning against one of the larger pieces of concrete as he watched Dazai walk away in some direction.

Chuuya decided to just stay there a little longer. It would only raise suspicions if he walked away the same time as Dazai and he didn’t have enough energy left in his body to deal with this right now. Instead he just stared straight ahead, letting all the events of the day replay in his mind in order to cope with them. He didn’t know how long he was sitting there all on his own before he heard some footsteps coming closer. By the pattern of them, he didn’t think they would be a threat. The black coat and black and white hair quickly confirmed this.

Akutagawa slid down a small hill that was formed by one of the bigger pieces of concrete that was laying on the floor and quickly looked around. “What are you doing here?”, Chuuya asked without looking up from the place he had be staring at, “Dimwit Dazai is safe.”

———————————————————————

Ao3-Link:

[laceymorganwrites]

Gravity boy

Word Count: 3.020

Pairing: Chuuya x reader

Warnings: swearing

A/N: this was very much fun to write! I hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it

“How do we know you´re not a spy?” you asked the newest recruit of the agency, crossing your arms. He just smiled sadly. “Because I promised a good friend of mine to be a better person”.

His words and the sincerity that came with them left you speechless.

Dazai was a strange person to say at least, you thought.

It was your job to research every potential new member of the agency and the things you found out about Dazai scared you. He was one of the strongest executives and part of the strongest team in the Mafia, all the things he has done… and now he asked to be part of the agency?

It didn´t make any sense. At least not to you.

But for whatever reason the director gave him a chance anyway.

Time passed and Dazai proved himself a valuable member of the agency, thanks to him you solved many mysteries and finished missions in almost no time whatsoever.

Your first suspicions went away and it was as if Dazai has always been a part of the agency.

Nevertheless he couldn´t run from his past any longer.

You had your hands full of research on your current enemy, your eyes scanned the screen of your computer as you desperately tried to find out anything useful. Ranpo sat next to you to figure out a plan of attack, you were in a heated conversation about whether you could risk a raid or should attack from afar.

Ranpo was in favor of the raid, he argued it would be done quicker and nothing could go wrong.

You on the other hand were in favor of the attack from afar, you were a sniper and you could control the situation better this way. With the overview this granted everything would go smoothly.

“You wanna bet? We could split up, whoever finishes the mission first wins” you suggested, still not paying any attention to your surroundings.

“Bet on what?” Ranpo asked, but you could already tell he would accept.

“If you win, I´ll buy you your favorite snacks. And if I win…” you had to think a while.

“If I win you have to do my paperwork for a week!” Ranpo whined a bit, but in the end he gave in.

“We found their hideout, guys!” you announced happily.

Ranpo and you were just about to decide your teams when a deafening rumble occurred.

Your eyes wandered to the direction of the strange sound and you watched as the entrance door fell down with a loud crash.

Jumping slightly at the loudness, you got up from your seat and walked over to where Dazai and the rest were standing, Ranpo following close after.

“Chuuya-kun… I see you still haven´t grown an inch” Dazai spoke up with a weird undertone.

So the person who kicked down the door so rudely was his former partner in the mafia.

When he finally showed himself and entered the room, you couldn´t help but feel like time stood still.

You couldn´t help but notice the fire in his steel blue eyes that seemed to pierce through everything. And the way his hair seemed to dance around his shoulders, you imagined its softness. Lastly there was something about his facial expression that made the heat rise in your cheeks.

If somebody told you beforehand there would be handsome men like him in the mafia, you      would´ve considered changing jobs.

“Shut up, Dazai! I´m a grown man” he snapped at him and pouted a bit.

“Cute…” you whispered, earning a raised eyebrow from Ranpo and a shaking head from Yosano.

You blushed at the realization that you just said that out loud.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dazai asked, you never saw him this annoyed, it made you chuckle ever so slightly.

“I come in peace, you idiot. Don´t make me change my mind” Chuuya growled.

You used the moment of disbelief and silence on Dazai´s side to speak up.

“Um… Sorry to interrupt, but was it really necessary to kick our door down? It doesn´t really give a peaceful impression” you asked, pointing at the broken door.

Chuuya gave you a look of confusion before replying: “Erm… I guess not” he mentioned flatly, glaring at you two seconds longer before turning to Dazai again.

Why did no one tell him the Agency hired such beauties? It took a while for Chuuya to finally take his eyes off you, normally he never lost his cool but there was just something about you that made him forget all his words. How could a single glance at you have such an effect on him? The suicidal´s face held an amused expression.

“Cat got your tongue, Chuuya-kun?” Dazai chuckled. “Shut up, Dazai!” the ginger yelled at him.

Why did the suicidal maniac always have to embarrass him like that?

“Do you mind telling us why you´re here? I have a bet to win” Ranpo chimed in, making you scoff. As if you´d let him win…

“Oh, right. The boss told me to help with your current mission. As a sign of good will for the new alliance” he spat the words as if they were poison after he finally found his voice again. He practically had to rip his eyes off you forcefully and it hurt him as much as that sounded.

You exchanged suspicious looks with your colleagues.

An alliance between the agency and mafia? As if that would ever work… but then again, the director went out to have a talk with the mafia´s boss today.

“Ranpo-kun, you can pick first” you told him, it was nice to know the director succeeded in pursuing the mafia boss to accept the alliance.

“Yosano” he smiled and you took your turns until your teams were chosen.

Team Ranpo consisted of him, Yosano and Dazai. You got Kunikida and Chuuya who was still a bit confused by the situation.

“Ranpo and me have a bet. Whoever finishes the mission first wins. He and his team are gonna raid the base and we are gonna attack from above” you filled him in.

“Understood” he nodded, still hanging at your lips as if there was no tomorrow.

Chuuya didn´t have his actions and thoughts under control and it annoyed him to no end, this never happened to him before.

“Alright! I´m getting my gun and then we´re good to go!” you chirped as you hurried over to your desk, grabbing the needed equipment.

Ranpo´s team were already on the move and you followed close after, positioning yourself on the roof of the opposite building of the enemy´s hideout.

“Kunikida, stand watch outside and take care of the escapees, Chuuya, secure the entrances and make sure nobody can get out the back” you ordered.

While the two did their jobs you put together your gun and laid flat on the roof, taking your aim.

Now you just had to wait for the right opportunity.

The target, the boss of the enemy´s organization, entered the building and you were almost ready to shoot when Ranpo´s team barged in. The people tried to flee from the backdoor but Kunikida and Chuuya did a good job defeating them, giving you time to take out the boss.

Two minutes after Ranpo´s team entered your team finished the mission and won the bet.

You grinned widely, escaping the roof of the building and joining your team.

“Good job, everyone!” you announced and walked over to Chuuya.

“You still have to fix our door, gravity boy” you teased him, making him blush slightly.

“Don´t call me that!” he groaned, resulting in your giggling.

“But it´s your power, isn´t it?” you continued.

“Yeah, but… I don´t call you sniper person!” he argued.

You laughed out loud. “You wouldn´t be wrong” you smiled at him.

“Chuuya-kun, stay away from our lovely (Y/N), would ya?” Dazai came up to you.

“We were just having some fun, Dazai” you defended him.

“He´s not the kind of guy to have fun with. I don´t want you hanging around him, (Y/N). He´s only going to break your heart” he let you know.

The cold look he gave Chuuya made you uncomfortable, you just teased him a bit, it didn´t even mean anything. You wondered why those two hated each other so much.

“I´ll let the boss know the mission succeeded” Chuuya told you.

“It was nice working with you, (Y/N)” he cracked a smile you could only return.

“Likewise, gravity boy” you giggled.

“Stop calling me that already!” Chuuya whined, making you laugh.

Hearing the sound of your laugh made his heart jump in his chest, he felt dizzy for a reason and couldn´t help but smile at you.

Then he saw the way Dazai looked at him and left for his headquarters.

“I hope you never have to see this man again, (Y/N)” Dazai told you when you got back to the agency.

You rolled your eyes, you knew for a fact Dazai didn´t like you that way, so why was he behaving like a jealous bitch?

“Could you stop it already, Dazai? What´s so bad about him? You´re acting as if it´s the end of the world when nothing happened” you groaned, just wishing he´d stop being so over dramatic.

Dazai chuckled in a dangerously low way, he did this sometimes to intimidate enemies.

You gulped, having a bad feeling about this.

“What´s so bad about him? I can tell you all about it, (Y/N). But all you have to know right now is that he´s a dangerous man who doesn´t have himself under control and when he wants something he uses every means necessary to obtain it. He is very violent, very angry… I just want you to know this now. I don´t want you finding out when it´s already too late.” he warned you.

You couldn´t help but burst out in laughter at Dazai´s try to scare you.

“All that you just said, isn´t that kind of what the mafia is all about? I bet you were just the same when you worked with them. And besides… weren´t you two partners? And very effective as a team? Isn´t it obvious to have that kind of attitude to achieve those things. That doesn´t mean he is like that in private. But all that doesn´t matter because like I said: it doesn´t mean anything” you crossed your arms.

In the same instance the director walked in, nodding at the two of you as a greeting.

“Gather around everyone, I have a few announcements to make” he said and promptly the whole staff of the agency gathered.

“First of all I want to congratulate you on completing the mission so splendidly. This is the perfect example for the ability of this alliance to work. Because of this we were invited to a party at the mafia´s headquarters tonight. Please make sure to behave.” he dismissed you.

As soon as you heard that there was going to be a party you asked yourself who the hell thought that would be a good idea.

Seriously, the mafia and the agency, in one room?

Were they out of their fucking minds? It´s like they wanted people to go at each other´s throats.

Normally you wouldn´t go to such events, you thought it a waste of time. Despite, you were just the office staff, were you even allowed to attend such an event?

Well, that was until a certain handsome ginger factor rapidly changed the equation.

You were so going.

Saying you panicked trying to figure out what to wear and how to approach Chuuya would be the understatement of the century.

You almost lost your mind and in the end you decided not to go, but luckily Yosano dragged you to the headquarters herself.

Now there was no going back.

Entering the big room the party was already going quite well, nobody seemed to notice you.

You should be sad, Yosano left you alone to hang out with Ranpo and the others, nobody even seemed to see you yet alone know it was kind of you who made the mission a success.

It was like you didn´t even existed.

Any other person would be sad, but not you.

You never felt comfortable boasting about your success or having everyone´s eyes on you. That´s the reason you signed up for the office job when you could have very well been more than capable of being a field agent.

You used this situation of being invisible to think about how you could leave this party.

“(Y/N)?” Chuuya approached you, the last thing you thought would happen.

This did mess with your plan, but also with your brain, how did you speak again? “Oh, um… hello Chuuya.” well, that certainly wasn´t how you did it.

Somehow you always managed to make a fool of yourself when you were around pretty boys.

“I didn´t think you´d come...” he mumbled, not meeting your eyes and fidgeting his with his hands in his pockets.

“And miss a chance of seeing you, gravity boy?” you giggled, where you got the sudden confidence? You couldn´t tell, must´ve been the energy radiating of Chuuya. “Not a chance” you stretched your words and gazed into his eyes a bit, smiling at him.

And before he knew it Chuuya returned your look, getting caught in your beautiful eyes that seemed to long for something. He bet he had the same look right now, only that he was longing for them.

“Well, that´s nice… but I don´t think Dazai would approve” he sounded sad and it infuriated you.

“Dazai has no say in with who I spend my time with” you told him.

Chuuya nodded and then gave you a warm smile.

“You know I hate parties like these, you´re just forced to talk to people you don´t like. And honestly the only person I want to be around right now is you” he sighed.

And you could use someone to pinch you right now to prove this was in fact happening and not just a stupid dream.

“Do you want to go out with me?” Chuuya asked you boldly and you asked yourself again if you weren´t dreaming.

“Me? You want to go out with me? Are you joking?” you tried to formulate your confusion but  didn´t even recognize you were talking.

“Well yeah, I wouldn´t be asking otherwise. But I understand if you don´t want to, I won´t bother you again” he sounded glum all of a sudden and you finally realized that this wasn´t a dream but really happening. You could wonder why later, now you needed to make the best out of the situation.

“Chuuya wait! Of course I want to go out with you, I just wasn´t sure if you were serious. I mean I´m just an office worker and you´re the top executive…” you mumbled, you knew someone like you would normally never be approached by someone like Chuuya but for whatever reason it happened.

Chuuya chuckled. “Don´t let our jobs and ranks interfere with this… I want to go out with you because you´re beautiful and I want to get to know you better, that´s all there is to it” he explained.

His words somehow touched your heart and you had to smile.

“Well, let´s leave this party then” you suggested bravely.

“Gladly” Chuuya said relieved, putting his arm around your waist gently.

You felt yourself get dizzy at the sudden contact.

The two of you walked for a while until you arrived in a park where you sat down on a bench.

During the way you talked a lot and the atmosphere was magical, Chuuya was incredibly funny and such a gentleman.

“You know, I don´t get what Dazai has against you… all these things he said about you just aren´t true. Honestly, he talks about you as if you are some kind of monster” you laughed, trying to lighten up the mood, but oh how you failed.

Chuuya´s body stiffened. “He´s not wrong, (Y/N). I am a monster and I´m reminded of that every day. There are thigns about me you don´t know, the things I do when I lose control of my ability… it scares me” he whispered.

You frowned, gently taking his hand into yours.

“I refuse to believe Dazai´s words are true. He´s just trying to prove his nonexistent superiority over you. Besides… aren´t monsters ugly and hideous? And if I can tell you one thing I know for sure you´re not it´s ugly and hideous. Like honestly, if you were truly to be a monster as you claim to be, I´d be having a problem. Because that would mean I´m attracted to a monster. And I just refuse to believe that monsters are as handsome as you! But what´s more important is that you´re very kind, monsters are not. Monsters don´t give a shit about you, they just kill you. And you´re funny too. Now I´ve never seen a monster that´s funny, well, maybe in really bad movies, but this isn´t just a bad movie, this is reality, you know? And…” you were lost in your thoughts, rambling on and on about all the reasons Chuuya couldn´t be a monster and Dazai was an idiot for saying so. Chuuya looked at you all the way through and for once in his life felt like an actual human being.

He smiled to himself, thinking about how this wasn´t a dream, but he just had to make sure his mind didn´t play tricks on him.

So he leaned closer to you, interrupting your speech by grabbing your face gently and softly pressing his lips onto yours, muffling a surprised gasp of yours with a kiss.

And for goodness sake you would be damned if monsters kissed like that, made your knees melt like that. You pressed your body closer to his and wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

You never wanted it to end, fuck oxygen, if this was how you would die, then so be it, it´d be with a smile on your lips.