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#all these years i gave her credit for putting me in kids of divorce group therapy at school but nope
vent in the tags about my mom time!
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101 Open MHA Gen Prompts
I had a very long ask game where people gave me fake titles and I came up with fic ideas to go with them.  Multiple people asked to use some of them as prompts, and some of my friends have lately maligned the lack of gen prompts out there, so I decided to compile them all into a single post.  Almost all of these are gen, aka not shipping, but you can do what you want I’m not your boss.  Everything is free and open to use WITH CREDIT, so have fun with my word vomit.
1. In Dreams I Had the Sun - Being the number one hero isn’t all it’a cracked up to be, Toshinori realizes early on
2. The Chainlink Fence that Held the Ocean - In his new book post-retirement, All Might opens up about his regrets, struggles with mental health, and his issues with the hero system as a whole.  The backlash is swift and intense.
3. Welcome to the Loud Silence - After an injury, Izuku is rendered deaf.
4. Water Since Turned Red - After a villain attack nearly kills All Might, the beach where Izuku used to go to find comfort now feels tainted.
5. all scrap left untouched is bound together - A group hero students who failed the provincial license exam for the third time, effectively ending their careers before they start, get together to take revenge on UA’s first years who beat them out.
6. You’ve saved more more times than you know - Times All Might saved people without his powers, just by being a cool, nice dude.
7. No Amount of Tragedy Can Justify Your Actions - A dying All for One tries to justify his centuries of cruelty to an uncaring Toshinori.
8. To Leave a Cage Locked - One for All is conscious and has a will of its own, one that doesn’t always line up with Izuku’s wellbeing.
9. Okay, who let in the Kraken? - Izuku is the reincarnation of an ancient eldritch horror.
10. keep us alive up above - Izuku and Shigaraki get trapped together somewhere.  Izuku knows he needs the villain’s help to survive and escape, but the other would rather they both die.
11. The world will revolve around me neither less - The ebbs and flows of AFO’s influence over the years.
12. More Roulette, Not Russian - Kids get their quirks swapped.
13. Patron Saints - Toshinori teaches a class about pre-quirk superhero comic characters and their influence.
14. Don't Come Back - Touya Todoroki’s first few weeks after a severe injury resulted in his father abandoning him.
15. The Blessed and the Fool - Toshinori meets up with a few of his ua classmates after retiring.
16. Not Your Sacrifice - Some of the other kids have started adopting some of Izuku’s self sacrificing habits and the teachers are concerned.
17. Break in the Storm - Villains use a power outage as an opening to break into ua.
18. One Day Those Consequences Will Finally Catch Up - Even though the teachers don’t take her concerns seriously, Inko saves every piece of evidence regarding people hurting her son.
19. a garden in their eyes - Izuku meets a fan who got injured after trying to step into a villain fight, just like he did, and it makes him question some things.
20. what could have been, if not for you - After Inko divorces him, Hisashi’s goes to the press to say All Might stole his wife and son.
21. Promised Misery - All Might finds out the severity of Bakugou’s bullying, and warns him he’s on thin ice with him.
22. Fly Up Higher, Blossom Brighter - Izuku has to write a paper for middle school about being positive, intercut with all the bullshit he has to deal with.
23. Libre Me from Hell - One of Izuku’s new quirks is spiral related.
24. No One to Blame but Yourself - Izuku’s kindness doesn’t extend to murderers, tragic backstory or not.
25. At Its Finest - Izuku accidentally gets involved in a hero commission coverup.
26. A Rising Issue - Izuku starts developing more severe side effects of his injuries.  He’s convinced he’s under the influence of a quirk, while the adults thing he’s finally gone too far hurting himself.
27. What you are in the Dark - Izuku usually keeps most of his anger to himself until he can’t.
28. nowhere to go - Inko moves into UA after their home was destroyed.
29. Something Without - My theory about the 2 OFA vestiges that are blurred out is they don’t approve of izuku as a successor.  Izuku tries to figure out why. 
30. Walking with a Ghost - Toshinori joins the OFA dreams while he’s in a coma.  He gets to reunite with nana, and is more open to Izuku about his past and feelings.  Part of his starts to wonder if it’s worth waking up, since he will die and join the others eventually.
31. Death By Crying - Izuku is affected by a quirk that will suffocate him if he expresses any emotion.
32. Justice is Subjective - The hero commission gets to Shigaraki before AFO does.  
33. Undo / Underdog - Death loop fic.  Izuku keeps reliving the day he met all might after being killed by the sludge villain.  he has to find a way to break the loop and survive, but he gets s little weaker every time he restarts.
34. Like Wildfire - A rumor that Izuku is All Might’s bio son picks up steam, and the characters have to decide whether to deny it but risk suspicion or play along and add a new layer to the lies protecting one for all.
35. Once Upon A December - All Might and Inko actually met in the past trope.
36. Some Legends Are Told - All Might’s first interview post-retirement.
37. Will The Real Mentor Please Stand Up - Aizawa considers himself the better teacher, but a lot of the kids seem to like All Might more.
38. I don't want the cure, I want the POISON! - Inko is killed in a hit and run, and Izuku becomes desperate to find the killer.
39. I will kill my heart before I dance on stage for these bigots - Izuku is interviewed as a rising star of UA, and the interviewer brings in some of his old bullies because they claimed to be his friends from middle school.  Izuku does not play along.
40. Split Ends - A quirk gives Izuku brief visions of what would have happened if he made different decisions.
41. Dreamless Sleep - A One for All dream leaves Izuku with a cryptic half-warning, and he desperately experiments to try and figure out how to trigger the visions to get the rest of it.
42. toxic flowers and pretty blades - Young Inko escapes the constricting life of her cruel wealthy family by becoming a vigilante.
43. The Suns we Orbit - Some of the other teachers believe Izuku is too codependent on Toshinori, and separate them for a time.
44. Submerged - Similar to those buried alive fics only someone’s in a box at the bottom of the ocean.
45. Deprive - Izuku also loses his stomach to an injury, and struggles to adjust to the necessary lifestyle changes.
46. The ashes fall like snow - Post Kamino cleanup.
47. Home will always be here - Inko cares for Izuku after he’s sent home due to “trouble at work study” but he refuses to clarify what that means.
48. Playing Favorites - A look at several times where Izuku was punished, while Bakugou got off scot free.
49. Elusive Dreams - Some kind of training or issue forces the kids to stay away for several consecutive day, and they start losing it.
50. Fracture - Izuku struggles through physical therapy after a severe injury that leaves his hero career in question.
51. Starlight, Starbright - Space cadet au
52. Someone in Your Corner - Gran Torino looking after Nana, Toshi, and finally Izuku through the years.
53. I cast magic missile into the darkness - Generic “the gang plays d&d” fic.
54. One Month At A Time - Izuku breaks a limb, and has to let in heal naturally over the course of several months.
55. Head Above Water - Izuku runs out of his pain meds and can’t get access to more doses for a while, so he has to endure not only the pain, but the withdrawal symptoms.
56. Are you going to leave a path to trace - All Might uses a new strategy to try and get Izuku to be less self sacrificial: what about all the young kids who are going to look up to him?
57. The View from Halfway Down - Izuku realizes that a risky move has just landed him with a potentially life threatening injury, but the fight it still going.
58. The Dust Bites Back - A villain All Might defeated early in his career is back and out for revenge.
59. The Absence of your Worth - Nighteye thinks he’s put together a rock solid case for why izuku isn’t worthy of One for All.  All Might’s response is to ask if he has something against quirkless people.
60. Behind the Screens Nobody is Afraid - All Might explains some of the context of his most popular hero videos to Izuku.  They are much more tragic than the media has spun them in hindsight.
61. Under the Light of the Moon - Someone gets turned into a werewolf.  And I ain’t talking the wattpad piss shit.  I’m talking full-on back-breaking monstrous transformations into a bloodthirsty abomination set to Bad Moon Rising.
62. some dreams were made to be broken - Bakugou crosses a line and finally gets expelled.
63. You Say You're Into Closure - Izuku finally beats Bakugou in a one on one fight fair and square, but Bakugou is a sore loser.
64. Something or Someone Missing - AU’s memories of Izuku get wiped, but those closest to him can’t help but feel an absence.
65. Too Little Too Late - Izuku’s father returns to find he’s been replaced.
66. Collecting Dust - Inko goes through the stuff Izuku didn’t take to the dorms.
67. Where the souls of wanderers go - Toshi meets up with a retired hero support group.
68. Fragility of Trust - Suspected traitor au
69. no one answered - Izuku is trapped in a cell in a building that’s collapsing in slow motion due to a quirk.
70. Eye of the Storm - One of the other kids has a panic attack for the first time between public appearances.  izuku has never seen from from the outside.
71. To Whom It May Concern - The kids find a mysterious collection of letters from previous students hidden in the ceiling of the classroom.  Some are ominous, some are incomprehensible.  Aizawa has no answers.  They enthusiastically go to try and solve the mystery within, but that excitement quickly diminishes the more they find out.
72. Of Popsicles and Ponytails - All Might gets in a discussion with the other teachers about whether the Clark Kent glasses thing would actually work.  All Might bets them it does, so he goes around town with no disguise other than his hair being up, and no one bats an eye.
73. All Men are Not Born Equal - Word gets out to the public that izuku used to be quirkless.  Everyone finds out just how deep anti-quirkless sentiments run when some begin to question whether a quirkless kid should be at ua, regardless of whether or not he has a quirk now.
74. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies - Something about encountering death in person for the first time being the dividing line between child and adult.
75. Sins of the Father - All for One has had many children over the centuries, and has made numerous attempts to groom them into the ideal heir with several different methods.  None of them worked though.
76. Where The Dead Come To Rest - The kids come home after a long, grueling mission where they saw some shit, and are too tired to process what they went through.  They take off their gear for plain clothes, then sit in the common room in silence long into the night, not wanting to open themselves up but also not wanting to be alone.
77. Rivalry - Nighteye tries to pit Izuku and Mirio against one another.  It goes right over Mirio’s head, but Izuku becomes convinced the other boy is in on Nighteye’s plan to wear him down until he gives up One for All.
78. A Subtle Language - All Might and Nana never said out loud that they loved each other, but little things told them that they did.  All Might hopes to pass a similar love down to his own successor.  But Izuku is very different than himself as a kid, and he needs to learn a new subtle language of affection.
79. It’s Gone - One for All stops working one day.
80. A Sight For Sore Eyes - All Might looking after Izuku in the aftermath of the second movie.
81. Loose Lips (sink ships) - Bakugou blurts out something about One for All during a rage, so the rest of the class jump on him and Izuku for answers.
82. No Expectations - Word gets out that All Might is going to choose a successor.  None of the theories or speculation online resemble Izuku in the slightest.
83. Eden was Only a Garden - Izuku gets hit with a quirk that erases some of his most traumatic memories, but in doing so loses part of who he is.
84. Run it Down - With all Izuku’s new quirks and his incredible skill, some of the other students with similar powers (Iida, Sero, Uraraka) start to feel like izuku is upstaging them.  And it affects their friendship.
85. Fool's Gold - Bakugou grows even more jealous of Izuku having One for All, and his relationship with All Might.  He thinks that if he could just prove himself to be more worthy, All Might would change his mind and name him his successor.  But in reality, he ends up jeopardizing the relationship they already have.
86. somewhere down the road - The final deadline for Nighteye’s predictions passes, and All Might lives.  He debates telling Izuku, as even though it would be a weight off the boy’s mind, he doesn’t want to jinx it.  He will still die eventually after all.
87. Just For You - All Might has certain rules and boundaries for fan interactions that he completely ignores for Izuku.
88. if these walls could talk (their whispers would be maddening) - Montage of training accidents in a ‘cursed’ ua gym
89. If Only I Could... - Nighteye tells Mirio about One for All, including that he thinks he’s more deserving than Izuku and he plans to pressure him into giving it up.  Mirio struggles with the knowledge that his mentor, someone he respected more than anything, only saw him as a replacement for All Might, meanwhile watching Izuku strain under the pressure of that mentor’s impossible expectations.
90. This is a Test Designed to Provoke an Emotional Response - shameless Blade Runner AU
91. Once and for All - Retelling of the Superman story “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” with All Might.  Some new heroes use much more aggressive and violent tactics against villains while also upstaging All Might.  That, and there general approval from the public cause All Might to question his moral code.
92. Sitting In The Rain - Tsuyu likes to just sit out in the rain sometimes.  Not do anything, just sit there.  Some friends decide to join her.
93. At Sundown - Mysterious creatures start attacking ua every night.  The gang works tirelessly during the day to find the cause and a solution, while defending their school and each other at night.
94. The 1000th time's the charm - Uraraka has been practicing a new move in secret but they just can’t get it right.  She wants it to be perfect before showing it off.  But one attempt gets her seriously hurt while training alone at night in one of the gyms, and she’s too hurt to get up to the phone to call for help.
95. Sunflower Seeds - All Might attempts to start a garden as a new hobby.
96. What It Means To Be Human - Sun god Toshi starts living among people.
97. Eyes on Me - All Might teaches Izuku some unarmed fighting moves to defend himself from bullies.
98. one remains - Izuku has developed all but one of the quirks he’s slated to, and he has no idea what it will be.  Anxiety ensues.
99. Come Back Home - Izuku vanishes from campus and everyone assumes he was kidnapped, but in reality he ran away to try and clear his head after a depressive spiral.  He goes by train as far away as he can until he comes to his senses and calls the others.
100. I Won - Izuku accidentally managed to kill Shigaraki during a skirmish, and while everyone around him praises his heroics, he struggles to deal with the fact that he killed someone.
101. Ivory Tower - All Might grapples with how much izuku suffered as a quirkless person, how he could have done more for quirkless rights in his time as a hero, and how now people may not care as much because he’s retired.
Reminder to credit me if you use any of these prompts, and a special thanks to everyone who submitted titles!
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MARTY GODDARD’S FIRST FLASH OF INSIGHT CAME IN 1972. It all started when she marched into a shabby townhouse on Halsted Street in Chicago to volunteer at a crisis hotline for teenagers.
Most of the other volunteers were hippies with scraggly manes and love beads. But not Marty Goddard. She tended to wear business clothes: a jacket with a modest skirt, pantyhose, low heels. She hid her eyes behind owlish glasses and kept her blond hair short. Not much makeup; maybe a plum lip. She was 31, divorced, with a mordant sense of humor. Her name was Martha, but everyone called her Marty. She liked hiding behind a man’s name. It was useful.
As a volunteer, Ms. Goddard lent a sympathetic ear to the troubled kids then called “runaway teenagers.” They were pregnant, homeless, suicidal, strung out. She was surprised to discover that many weren’t rebels who’d left home seeking adventure; they were victims who had fled sexual abuse. The phones were ringing with the news that kids didn’t feel safe around their own families. “I was just beside myself when I found the extent of the problem,” she later said.
She began to formulate questions that almost no one was asking back in the early ’70s: Why were so many predators getting away with it? And what would it take to stop them?
Ms. Goddard would go on to lead a campaign to treat sexual assault as a crime that could be investigated, rather than as a feminine delusion. She began a revolution in forensics by envisioning the first standardized rape kit, containing items like swabs and combs to gather evidence, and envelopes to seal it in. The kit is one of the most powerful tools ever invented to bring criminals to justice. And yet, you’ve never heard of Marty Goddard. In many ways she and her invention shared the same fate. They were enormously important and consistently overlooked.
I was infuriated when I read a few years ago about the hundreds of thousands of unexamined rape kits piled up in warehouses around the country. I had the same question that many did: How many rapists were walking free because this evidence had gone ignored?
Take for example, the case of Nathan Ford, who sexually assaulted a woman in 1995. Although a rape kit was submitted to the police, it went untested for 17 years.
During that time, he went on to assault 21 other people, before being convicted in 2006.
And I had another question: How could a tool as potentially powerful as the rape kit have come into existence in the first place? For nearly two decades, I’d been reporting on inventors, breakthroughs and the ways that new technologies can bring about social change. It seemed to me that the rape-kit system was an invention like no other. Can you think of any other technology designed to hold men accountable for brutalizing women?
As soon as I began to investigate the rape kit’s origins, however, I stumbled across a mystery. Most sources credited a Chicago police sergeant, Louis Vitullo, with developing the kit in the 1970s. But a few described the invention as a collaboration between Mr. Vitullo and an activist, Martha Goddard. Where was the truth? As so often happens in stories about rape, I found myself wondering whom to believe.
Mr. Vitullo died in 2006. Ms. Goddard, as far as I could tell, must still be alive — I couldn’t find any obituaries or gravestones that matched her name. An interview in 2003 placed her in Phoenix, and so I collected phone listings for Martha Goddard in Arizona and called them one after another. All those numbers had been disconnected.
Little did I know that I would have to hunt for six months before I finally solved the mystery. I would learn she had transformed the criminal-justice system, though her role has never been fully acknowledged. And I would also discover that Louis Vitullo — far from being the inventor of the rape kit — may have taken credit for Ms. Goddard’s genius and insisted that his name be put on the equipment.
I pieced together dozens of obscure marriage and death notices to try to find her family members; read through hundreds of newspaper articles to establish the timeline of events; and even hired a researcher to dig through an archive of Chicago police department files from the ’70s. Finally, I managed to speak to eight people who knew or worked with her. From these sources, and two oral-history tapes in which she told her life story, I cobbled together what happened.
Back in that Chicago crisis center, Marty Goddard encouraged teenagers to confide in her, and she began to realize just how many of them had been molested.
At the time, most people believed that sexual abuse of children was rare. One psychiatric textbook from the 1970s estimated that incest occurred in only about one in every million families, and claimed that it was often the fault of girls who initiated sex with their fathers. Meantime, it was still legal in every state in America for a husband to rape his wife. Sexual violence that happened within a family was not considered rape at all. A real rape was a “street rape.” It happened to women stupid enough to be in the wrong places at the wrong times.
In Chicago, rape seemed like some sort of natural disaster, no different from the arctic winds that could kill you if you wandered out in the winter without a coat. “Chicago was not a city you wanted to venture out into after dark,” wrote the activist Naomi Weisstein. “Rape was epidemic.” In 1973, an estimated 16,000 people were sexually assaulted in and around Chicago. Only a tenth of those attacks were reported to the police and fewer than a tenth of those cases went to trial; an infinitesimal fraction of perpetrators ended up in prison.
It was a time — much like our own — when millions of people felt that the police had failed them. Chicago was still reeling from the 1969 killing by the cops of Fred Hampton, the chairman of the Illinois Black Panther Party, while he’d been sleeping in his own bed. The Chicago Police Department was notorious as a brutal, occupying force in black neighborhoods. Citizens’ groups were demanding review boards to reform officers’ behavior.
Amid all that, Ms. Goddard began asking questions that might seem so obvious to us today, but were radical in her own time: What if sexual assault could be investigated? What if you could prove it? What if, instead of a “she said” story, you could persuade a jury with scientific evidence?
A lot of men didn’t like her style. But Ray Wieboldt Jr., heir to a Chicago department-store fortune, did, and in 1972 she was hired as an executive at the Wieboldt Foundation, a charitable family fund that rained down money on progressive causes.
The Wieboldt name became her secret weapon. “I could say, ‘I’m Marty Goddard from the Wieboldt Foundation’ and people would just let me in their doors,” she recounted. And so she Wieboldt-ed her way in to meet with hospital managers and victims’ groups and began asking her relentless questions about rape.
Crime labs did not yet have the ability to test DNA; the first use of DNA forensics would not come until 1986, when British investigators used the technology to hunt down a murderer who raped his victims. But they could analyze pieces of glass, fingerprints, splatter patterns, firearms and fibers. Police investigators could find biological clues to help establish the identity of a suspect by, for instance, comparing blood types.
Ms. Goddard wanted to figure out why — even with all this evidence — no one seemed able to prove that a sexual assault had occurred. She learned that victims usually ended up in a hospital after an assault. The cops might dump a shivering, weeping woman in the emergency room and yell out, “We got a rape for you.” As they cared for the victim, the nurses might wash her off or throw away her bloody dress, inadvertently destroying evidence.
The cops didn’t seem to care. Instead, they would isolate the victim in a room and lob questions at her to try to determine whether she was lying. A Chicago police training manual from 1973 declared, “Many rape complaints are not legitimate,” and added, “It is unfortunate that many women will claim they have been raped in order to get revenge against an unfaithful lover or boyfriend with a roving eye.” Officers would routinely ask women what they’d been wearing, whether they’d provoked the attack by acting in a seductive manner, and whether they had enjoyed the sex. “An actual rape victim will generally give the impression of a person who has been dishonored,” according to the manual.
In the early days of forensic science, the 19th century, rape exams sought primarily to test the virtue of women. A doctor would be called in to examine a woman’s vagina and then report on her motives. Was she a trollop, a harlot, or a pure-hearted innocent who spoke the truth?
In 1868, a British publication, Reynolds’s Newspaper, reported on one such exam. The surgeon “gave such evidence as left no doubt that the prosecutrix could not have been so innocent as she had represented herself to be.” The magistrate “said no jury would convict on such evidence, and he should discharge the prisoner.”
In other words, sexual-assault forensics began as a system for men to decide what they felt about the victim — whether she deserved to be considered a “victim” at all. It had little to do with identifying a perpetrator or establishing what had actually happened.
Even in the 1970s, the forensic examination remained a formality, a kind of kabuki theater of scientific justice. The police officers wielded absolute power in the situation; they told the story; they assigned blame. And they didn’t want to give up that power.
Ms. Goddard’s insight was that the only fix for this dysfunctional system would be incontrovertible scientific proof, the same kind used in a robbery or attempted murder. The victim’s story should be supported with evidence from the crime lab to build a case that would convince juries. To get that evidence, she needed a device that would encourage the hospital staff members, the detectives and the lab technicians to collaborate with the victim. On the most basic level, Ms. Goddard realized, she had to find a mechanism that would protect the evidence from a system that was designed to destroy it.
EVEN AFTER MONTHS of searching for Marty Goddard, I hadn’t been able to find her, or even figure out the names of her family members. But I did manage to track down Cynthia Gehrie, an activist who’d been swept up in Ms. Goddard’s crusade.
The two women met at a gathering for anti-rape activists in 1973 and soon they were strategizing over lunches and dinners, notebooks by their plates. At the time, Ms. Gehrie worked a day job at the A.C.L.U.; she was so impressed by Ms. Goddard that she volunteered to be her sidekick as they figured out how to force men in power to reckon with the rape epidemic.
Their timing was excellent, because 1974 was the year that everything flipped in Chicago. Women who had once been ashamed were now speaking out.
In October, a delegation of suburban women gathered before the members of the Illinois General Assembly. One described how she’d tried to fend off a sexual attacker with a fireplace poker. After the assault, she had carefully saved the bent poker and handed this piece of evidence to police detectives. Then, she recounted through tears, the police returned the poker to her straightened out. The idiots thought she had wanted them to fix it.
A mother stood before the committee and said that her little girl had been molested on her way to kindergarten. The police were already familiar with the attacker, a pedophile who had infected at least one child with venereal disease. And yet he was roaming free.
A nurse at the meeting explained how medical staff handled rape cases — and in the middle of her testimony, announced, “I am a rape victim myself.”
A few days later, about 70 women from a group called Chicago Legal Action for Women, CLAW for short, flooded into the office of State’s Attorney Bernard Carey, and plastered the walls with messages like “Wanted: Bernard Carey for Aiding and Abetting Rapists.”
The rape problem had suddenly become Mr. Carey’s problem, and he desperately needed to look as if he had an answer.
A movement was beginning — an awakening, like #MeToo. The fact that many of these activists were well-off white women forced politicians to pay attention. Black women in Chicago's poorest neighborhoods were most at risk of sexual violence, but their stories rarely made it into the newspapers, and rape was all too often portrayed as an affliction of the suburbs. Throughout her career, Ms. Goddard would wrestle with this disparity and try to overcome it. In 1982 she told an Illinois state legislative committee that “the lack of services on the South and West Sides of Chicago where a majority of our black victims reside” was “totally disgraceful.”
Now, though, in the early 1970s, she had just one obsession. She was determined to convince Bernard Carey that the problem could be solved, if he only had the will to do it. One day she showed up unannounced at his office and to her surprise, he welcomed her in. “I don’t know what the answer is,” he told her. But he had a new plan: He was going to let women like Ms. Goddard help figure out the rape problem for themselves. He appointed her and Ms. Gehrie to a citizens’ advisory panel on rape. Their mission: to investigate the failures in policing and suggest sweeping reforms.
Marty Goddard finally had what she wanted: permission to get inside the police departments.
With her new investigative powers, she headed to the Chicago crime lab building to ask police officers what was going wrong. Years later, she described what she had learned there in the oral history tapes. The cops blamed hospital workers, saying: “We don’t get hair. We don’t get fingernail scrapings.” The slides weren’t labeled, and they’d been “rubber-banded” together so that they contaminated one another. “So there goes that. It’s worthless,” the detectives told her.
The problem, she realized, was that no one had bothered to tell the nurses and doctors how to collect evidence properly.
What if hospitals could be stocked with easy-to-use forensic tools that would encourage medics, detectives and lab technicians to collaborate instead of pointing fingers? Gradually, these concepts solidified into an object: a kit stocked with swabs, vials and instructions.
Somewhere along the way, Ms. Goddard had befriended Rudy Nimocks, an African-American police officer who had handled incest cases and been horrified by what he’d seen. Ms. Goddard and Ms. Gehrie described Mr. Nimocks as a mentor. (He would be in his 90s now; I made multiple attempts to reach him without success.) According to several sources, Mr. Nimocks warned Ms. Goddard to proceed carefully. He told her that she should take care not to challenge the men in the crime lab directly. And he said that she’d need Sgt. Louis Vitullo, the head of the microscope unit, on her side.
Sergeant Vitullo was a scruffy cop-scientist, with a lab coat pulled hastily over his rumpled shirt and the pale, haunted look of a man who spent hours peering at murder weapons.
One day, Ms. Goddard found Sergeant Vitullo at his desk, introduced herself, and presented him with a written description of the rape-kit system. She must have been blindsided by what happened next.
“He screamed at her,” according to Ms. Gehrie. “He told her she had no business getting involved with this and that what she was talking about was crazy. She was wasting his time. He didn’t want to hear about this anymore.” Ms. Gerhie said Ms. Goddard called her minutes later to vent about being thrown out of Sergeant Vitullo’s office.
“Well, that didn’t go so well!” Ms. Goddard said wryly.
As far as Ms. Goddard knew at that moment, the rape-kit idea had just been killed off.
INVENTION, ARCHITECTURE, DESIGN — these are not just technical feats. They are political acts. The inventor offers us a magical new ability that can be wonderful or terrifying: to halt disease, to map the ocean floor, to replace a human worker with a machine, or to kill enemies more efficiently. And those magical abilities create winners and losers. The Harvard professor Sheila Jasanoff has observed that technology “rules us much as laws do.”
When it comes to sexual assault, there are many inventions I can think of that help men get away with it — from the date-rape drug to “stalkerware” software. More striking is how few inventions, how little technology and design, has been devoted to keeping women safe.
Think about our public spaces, and how much they reinforce the power of men. If you grew up as a girl, you were taught to map out potential sexual attacks when you walked through any city. A hidden doorway, an empty subway platform, a pedestrian bridge with high walls — such places pulse with threat.
In my high-school driving class, the instructor lectured us about the dangers that lurked in empty parking lots. “Ladies, you don’t want to be fumbling in your purse if someone jumps out of the bushes,” he said, and suggested that we hold the car keys in one hand as we hurried to the car. Even as a teenager, I remember thinking how crazy this sounded. If there were rapists lurking everywhere, couldn’t the grownups do something about that?
I learned that the streets did not belong to me. Nor did the stairwells or the empty laundry rooms at midnight. I still remember the sense of defeat my first week as a college student on a pastoral Connecticut campus in the 1980s. I’d been aching to explore its tantalizing forests and hidden ponds. But then the freshman girls were herded into a lecture hall, and the head of public safety told us that if we wanted to walk from one building to another at night, we should first call the escort service that squired females around and protected them from rape.
“No way!” I thought.
And yet, at that time I was struggling to understand — and forgive myself for — having been molested as a small child. And though I never did use the campus escort service, I also never felt that the campus was mine.
But this is not how it has to be. It’s entirely possible to create public spaces and tools for everyone. Our environment and technology can foster a sense of equality and pluralism.
At the same time that Marty Goddard was trying to reinvent forensic technology, the disabled community was radically transforming the design of cities by pushing to make streets and buildings wheelchair-accessible. A wheelchair ramp does more than just allow someone to roll into a building; it also sends out a message that the people in those wheelchairs are important and worthy of dignity. This is the power of invention.
You can see why the idea of a rape kit might have been offensive to Sergeant Vitullo and other police officers. Like many of the great technological ideas, this one blasted through the assumptions of the day: that nurses were too stupid to collect forensic evidence; that women who “cried rape” were usually lying; and that evidence didn’t really matter when it came to rape, because rape was impossible to prove.
Now here was this proposal for a cardboard box packed with tools that would allow anyone to perform police work.
Despite his original reaction, Sergeant Vitullo mulled over Ms. Goddard’s idea. He must have found it intriguing. He studied the plans she’d shown him. And he began to see the sense in it all.
One day, Ms. Gehrie told me, Sergeant Vitullo called up Ms. Goddard and said, “I’ve got something to show you.” When Ms. Goddard arrived in his office, Ms. Gehrie recalled, “he handed her a full model of the kit with all the items enclosed.” Sergeant Vitullo had assembled a prototype for the rape kit and added a few flourishes of his own. And now, apparently, he regarded himself as its inventor.
Another friend of Ms. Goddard’s confirmed this story. Mary Sladek Dreiser, who met Ms. Goddard in 1980, told me that Ms. Goddard always praised Sergeant Vitullo in public. But in private, she described him as a petty tyrant who would “only go along with the kit if it were named after him.”
The rape-kit idea was presented to the public as a collaboration between the state attorney’s office and the police department, with men running both sides...
..and little credit given to the women who had pushed for reform. Ms. Goddard agreed to this, Ms. Gehrie said, because she saw that it was the only way to make the rape kit happen
In the mid-1970s, while still at the Wieboldt Foundation, Ms. Goddard began working nights and weekends to found a nonprofit group called the Citizens Committee for Victim Assistance. The group filed a trademark for the Vitullo Evidence Collection Kit in 1978, ensuring that her creation would be branded with a man’s name. For years afterward, the newspapers called the rape kit the “Vitullo kit.” When he died in 2006, an obituary headline celebrated him as the “Man Who Invented the Rape Kit.” His wife, Betty, quoted in the obituary, said that her husband was “proud” of the rape kit “but he didn’t get any royalties for it.” The obituary hailed Mr. Vitullo as a pioneer in a new form of evidence collection that transformed the criminal-justice system. There was no mention of Ms. Goddard.
Even if her name wasn’t on it, Ms. Goddard finally had permission to start a citywide rape-kit system. What she didn’t have was any money to create the kits, distribute them, or train nurses to use them. She had to raise all those funds through her nonprofit group, which represented survivors of sex crimes.
This seems strange. After all, state governments covered the cost of running homicide evidence through the crime lab, so why should sexual assault be any different?
And yet it was. And it still is.
Money problems have always haunted the rape-kit system. Testing a rape kit is expensive; today it costs $1,000 to $1,500. Except in the highest-profile cases, police departments have often pleaded underfunding, and let the kits pile up. That’s why victims themselves have had to bankroll crime labs. In the past decade, groups like the Joyful Heart Foundation have helped raise millions of dollars to test rape kits. The money sometimes comes from bake sales, Etsy crafts and feminist comedy nights.
Fundraising was even harder in the 1970s, however, when most foundations wouldn’t give money to a project with “rape” or “sex” in its title. And so Ms. Goddard had to resort to finding money wherever she could. This is where Hugh Hefner enters the story.
Chicago was built on soft-core porn, and Mr. Hefner was one of the city’s most prominent moguls. Men in suits sidled into his clubhouses for three-martini lunches, celebrities swanned into his mansion for glittering fund-raisers, and a blazing “Playboy” sign scalded the downtown skyline.
Mr. Hefner regarded the women’s liberation movement as a sister cause to his own effort to free men from shame and guilt. And so his philanthropic Playboy Foundation showered money on feminist causes. In the early 1970s, for example, the Playboy fortune provided the seed money for the A.C.L.U. Women’s Rights Project, which was co-founded by a little-known lawyer named Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
In the mid-1970s, Ms. Goddard applied to Playboy for a $10,000 grant (the equivalent of about $50,000 today) to start a rape-kit system. And she got it.
Her collaboration with the Playboy Foundation turned out to be a surprisingly ideal one, in large part because Ms. Goddard had a friend on the inside: Margaret Pokorny (then known as Margaret Standish). Ms. Pokorny brainstormed all kinds of ways to support the project that went beyond the big check. For instance, she recruited Playboy’s graphics designers to create the packaging for the kit. And when Ms. Goddard needed volunteers to assemble the kits, Ms. Pokorny came up with a creative solution: old ladies.
“I’ve got this great idea, Marty,” Ms. Goddard recalled Ms. Pokorny saying. “Everybody just loves the Playboy bunny and these older women, they want something to do.” So one day a horde of them showed up in the Playboy offices, swilling free coffee as they assembled sexual-assault evidence kits.
In 1978, Marty Goddard delivered the first standardized rape kit to around 25 hospitals in the Chicago area for use in a pilot program she had designed — “the first program of its type in the nation,” according to a newspaper article.
The kits cost $2.50 each and contained test tubes, slides and packaging materials to protect the specimens from mixing; a comb for collecting hair and fiber; sterile nail clippers; and a bag for the victim’s clothing. There was a card for the victim, giving her information about where to seek counseling and further medical services.
The New York Times, which described the initiative as a collaboration between Mr. Vitullo and Ms. Goddard, said that the “innocuous looking” box “could be a powerful new weapon in the conviction of rapists.” The Times noted that one of the most important features of the system was deceptively low-tech: “Forms for the doctor and the police officers involved are included, as are sealing tape and a pencil for writing on the slides. Anyone who handles the box must put his or her signature on printed spaces on the kit’s cover.” There would be a paper trail that showed how the evidence had traveled from the victim’s body to the crime lab.
By the end of 1979, nearly 3,000 kits had been turned over to crime labs. One of them had been submitted by a bus driver who’d been abducted and raped by 28-year-old William Johnson. He was sentenced to 60 years in prison, and the Vitullo Evidence Kit was credited with winning the day in court.
By now, Ms. Goddard’s friend Rudy Nimocks had been promoted to head the sex homicide department. He told The Chicago Tribune that the new system had improved evidence collection. But perhaps more important, the kit worked magic in the courtroom. “In addition to the kits being very practical,” he said, “we find that it impresses the jurors when you have a uniform set of criteria in the collection of evidence.”
In other words, the rape kit, with its official blue-and-white packaging and its stamps and seals, functioned as a theatrical prop as well as a scientific tool. The woman in the witness box, weeping as she recounted how her husband tried to kill her, could sound to a judge and jury like a greedy little opportunist. But then a crime-lab technician would take the stand and show them the ripped dress, the semen stains, the blood. When a scientist in a lab coat affirmed the story, it seemed true.
Ms. Goddard had invented not just the kit, but a new way of thinking about prosecuting rape. Now, when a victim testified, she no longer did so alone. Doctors, nurses and forensic scientists backed up her version of the events — and the kit itself became a character in the trials. It, too, became a witness.
That’s another reason Ms. Goddard may have been willing to trademark her idea under Sergeant Vitullo’s name. It was as if in order to invent, she also had to disappear. The rape kit simply never would have had traction if a woman with no scientific credentials had been known as its sole inventor. It had to come from a man.
The word “technology” is part of the problem. It’s a synonym for “stuff that men do.” As the historian Autumn Stanley pointed out, a revised history of technology taking into account women’s contributions would include all sorts of “unimportant” inventions like baby cribs, menstrual pads and food preservation techniques. Sometimes the only way that women could navigate this world was to let a white man in a lab coat become the face of their radical ideas, while they themselves shrank into the background.
During World War II, for instance, a team of six “girls” figured out how to operate the world’s first all-purpose electronic digital computer, called the ENIAC. In 1946, one of them, Betty Holberton, stayed up half the night to ensure that the computer would ace its debut in front of the newspaper cameras. And yet she and the others were treated like switchboard operators, mere helpers to the male engineers. Ms. Holberton went on to invent and design many of the essential tools of computing during the 1950s and ’60s almost invisibly, while her male colleagues were celebrated as geniuses of the age.
Ms. Goddard, certainly, had mastered the art of vanishing. Her friends and collaborators from the 1970s had lost touch with her, and were just as flummoxed by her disappearance as I was. But they remembered her in vivid, disconnected flashes. I often felt that I was spying on her through keyholes into other people’s minds.
“She made miniature rooms,” Margaret Pokorny said, describing how Ms. Goddard spent hours with tweezers and tiny brushes constructing fairy-tale interiors inside of boxes. The rooms were scattered all around Ms. Goddard’s apartment, as if a dollhouse had been dissected.
From Cynthia Gehrie, I learned why Ms. Goddard might have been so driven to escape into Lilliputian fantasies. Ms. Gehrie told me that in the late 1970s, her friend had flown to a resort in Hawaii for a vacation and returned to Chicago a different, and broken, person. “I was raped,” Ms. Goddard had told Ms. Gehrie, pouring out a harrowing account of how a man had abducted her.
“He drove her to a remote location,” Ms. Gehrie said. “He taunted her with the knife. She told him she would do whatever he wanted. Finally, he drove her back to the resort. She was astonished when he let her go.” Ms. Gehrie can’t remember whether Ms. Goddard reported the rape to the police, but she’s always wondered if her friend’s prominence as a victims-rights advocate had made her a target. The attacker had won her trust, Ms. Goddard said, by pretending to be a supporter of her cause.
In one obscure interview I found, Ms. Goddard herself mentioned that rape and the scars it left on her body. And, she said, the attacker had infected her with herpes.
I was heartbroken for her, and more determined to find her than ever. By now she had become “Marty” to me — I could think of her only as a friend. I surmised, from the string of addresses she’d left behind, that she had been spiraling into poverty. She would have been 79. Was anyone caring for her? I felt less and less like a journalist chasing down a story. What I really wanted was to save Marty Goddard before it was too late.
Through the 1980s, Ms. Goddard kept fighting for the rape-kit system despite her growing exhaustion. It was “one incident by one incident by one incident,” she said later. “Imagine how many years it took us to go from state’s attorney to state’s attorney to cop to detective to deputy to doctor to pediatrician to nurse to nurse practitioner” and train each person who interacted with the victim and the rape kit. “I felt I had to save the world, and I was going to start with Chicago and move to Cook County and move to the rest of the state. And there was something in the back of my mind that said, ‘Gee, maybe the circumstances will be such that at some time I can go beyond the borders of Illinois.’”
She was right. In 1982, New York City adopted Ms. Goddard’s system because “its effectiveness was demonstrated in Chicago,” according to The New York Times. Within a few years, the city had amassed thousands of sealed kits containing evidence, and the system was putting rapists in prison.
Ms. Goddard had envisioned a kind of internet of forensics at a time when the internet itself was in its infancy. The idea was to standardize practices in crime labs everywhere and encourage police departments to share data to catch perpetrators who might cross county and state lines. And she had personal reasons for grinding away at the problem, for making it her obsessive mission. The man who had brutalized her in Hawaii still walked free. She knew this because she’d seen him, she told a friend at the time.
She had been walking to the attorney general’s office in downtown Chicago when her attacker materialized out of the crowd and locked eyes with her. It must have been a waking nightmare. Had he been stalking her? Had it been a chance encounter?
I don’t know. She was under an extraordinary amount of stress; maybe she was mistaken. I am working from fragments — from bits and pieces of her friends’ memories. What I do know is that Ms. Goddard began to drink; that she depended now on cheap sherry to dull the pain. She was dragging herself from city to city, evangelizing for the rape kit, sleeping in dive motels, giving everything she had until there was nothing left.
In 1984, the F.B.I. held a conference at its training center in Quantico, Va. Expert criminologists flew in to discuss a new system that would detect the serial killers and rapists operating across state lines. But to the dismay of Ms. Goddard, who attended the conference, the country’s top lawmen demonstrated little empathy for victims.
“So, this one man gets up,” a professor known as an expert in sex crimes, Ms. Goddard remembered later. The professor flashed slides on the screen, a twisted parade of naked female corpses. He made little effort to protect the identities of the dead women. Ms. Goddard was horrified at the way he “couldn’t wait to show the bite marks on the breasts” of one victim, as if to share his titillation with the audience.
That kind of attitude might have gone unremarked at a police convention, but there were lawyers, victims’ advocates and nurses at this conference and they “didn’t appreciate it.” Just as dismaying, this so-called expert described “interrogating” women who’d been raped, as if they were the criminals.
“I went nuts,” Ms. Goddard said. She gripped the arms of her chair, “saying to myself: ‘Calm down. Don’t say anything.’”
AFTER THE PRESENTATION, Ms. Goddard approached one of the organizers and said, “Something’s wrong here, and I really object.” Working on the fly, Ms. Goddard gave a presentation about her pilot project in Chicago, explaining how the rape-kit system worked. Afterward, “two guys from the Department of Justice” approached her and asked her to replicate her program all around the country. She was finally given enough funding to travel to more than a dozen different states and help start up pilot programs.
“I don’t know how my cat survived,” she said of those years. “I was gone all the time.”
She was tired out. And “so many people were downright insulting.” They’d ask her why she was an authority on forensics: “Are you a cop? An attorney?” Ms. Goddard was drinking heavily. She began to step away from her prominent role in criminal justice. She moved to Texas, and then Arizona. And finally she faded from public view so thoroughly that I believe she must have decided to disappear.
Her friend and former colleague Mary Dreiser kept in touch. But one day in about 2006 or 2007, Ms. Dreiser was distressed to dial Ms. Goddard’s number and discover it had been disconnected. Ms. Dreiser’s husband, a lawyer, asked a detective to find Ms. Goddard. She turned up in a mobile-home park in Arizona. “She was happy I had tracked her down,” Ms. Dreiser said.
By the time I started searching for Ms. Goddard a decade later, she had moved out of that trailer and her most recent listing suggested she lived in a dumpy apartment building alongside a Phoenix highway. That phone, too, had been disconnected, so I’d assumed that she had moved on once again, perhaps to a nursing home. But just in case, I called up the building’s management office and asked if the people there could tell me anything about Marty Goddard.
“Unfortunately, I can’t,” said the woman who answered the phone. There were rules about protecting the privacy of residents.
But rules are meant to be broken. So I called back. “Listen,” I said, “just hear me out.”
I then plied the woman in the management office with a brief — and, I hoped, heart-melting — tribute to Ms. Goddard’s genius and her sacrifices.
It worked. “OK,” she said, “let me check into it.” Hours later, she called me back. Marty Goddard had indeed lived in their apartment building, she said, then paused.
“And I’m very sorry to tell you that she passed away.”
The news walloped me. Ms. Goddard had died in 2015, at the age of 74, but there had been no obituary. No announcement. I’d searched for pictures of headstones, remembrances, funeral announcements, and I’d found nothing. This woman who had done so much for the rest of us. How could this be?
Paradoxically, at the same time as Ms. Goddard was fading from sight, her name no longer in the papers, the advent of DNA forensics was giving the rape kit a new kind of superpower.
In 1988, a court ordered Victor Lopez, a 42-year-old repeat felon accused of violent attacks, to submit to a blood draw. He would be the first defendant in New York State to be linked to a crime through DNA analysis — and the case would prove the dazzling effectiveness of this new tool. The DNA test showed a strong match between Mr. Lopez’s blood and the semen collected from one of his victims. Mr. Lopez was convicted of three sexual assaults and sentenced to 100 years in prison. One juror, John Bischoff, told The New York Times that “the DNA was kind of a sealer on the thing. You can’t really argue with science.”
When Ms. Goddard began her work, crime labs could establish only a fuzzy connection between a suspect’s blood and the swabs inside the kit — for instance, by showing that the blood type was a match. But now, DNA markers could reveal the path of a perpetrator as he left his semen or blood at multiple crime scenes.
Starting in 2003, several women across the country accused a man named Nathan Loebe of sexual assault, but those accusations had never stuck.
After the Tucson police received a grant to test a backlog of rape kits, they discovered that DNA from several of the kits matched Mr. Loebe. Rape-kit evidence revealed the pattern of his attacks, and last year he was sentenced to 274 years in prison, including for 12 counts of sexual assault.
But DNA testing was expensive. Compounding that problem was the sheer success of the rape kit system: Victims now felt encouraged to report their assaults and submit to exams, which meant that police departments were flooded with evidence.
And so, just as the rape-kit system began to succeed, police departments strangled it. They began hiding away thousands of untested rape kits deemed too expensive to process.
New York was among the first cities to set up a rape-kit system, and almost immediately it fell behind in processing. It amassed a huge backlog — 16,000 untested kits by the year 2000. The women (and some men) who submitted to rubber-gloved exams did so because they hoped against hope that the police might actually catch a perpetrator. Little did they know that their evidence could be thrown in a warehouse — or even in a trash can.
In 2000, Paul Ferrara, the director of Virginia’s crime lab, said that backlogs were growing all around the country and “cost lives.” The year before, the Virginia Beach police had had to release a rape suspect because potentially incriminating DNA couldn’t be processed quickly enough, and the suspect went on to murder a woman.
It is striking how much Ms. Goddard’s trajectory mirrored that of her invention. In the early 1990s, just when she might have risen to national prominence, she drifted south. She retired, though she was only in her early 50s, and eked out a living with some help from friends. By the 2000s, she had sobered up and spent her days clipping newspapers, tracking the issues that she most cared about. And then — this part hurts my heart — she pursued a degree in forensics at a local community college.
Ms. Goddard had founded sexual-assault forensics, and yet she now lacked any of the bona fides required to be recognized as an expert. Nothing came of her studies, and she never really worked again. Ms. Goddard herself had been warehoused.
I know all of this because just a few months ago, I finally cracked the case of why and how she disappeared, thanks to some clues I found in the announcement of her brief 1966 marriage in a Michigan newspaper. Working through a chain of obituaries and phone records and small newspaper items, I tracked down a number for Scott Goddard, who I thought must be Marty Goddard’s nephew.
One day I cold-called him and left a message. It turned out that he was the right Scott Goddard. His father had died in a freak accident in 1980, and after that, his aunt became like a second mother to him. “When I was 9 or 10 years old, she took me to the Grand Canyon. And I remained close with her for her entire life,” Mr. Goddard said.
He told me that his aunt — who’d always been so busy, so engaged — had turned into a hermit in the 2000s. She withdrew into her trailer in the mobile-home park, with her newspaper clippings fluttering everywhere, surrounded by the miniature model rooms she still loved to build. She was vanishing, shrinking down to nothing.
“When she passed, I inherited about 50 boxes of stuff,” he said, including a tiny toy chest filled with dolls for the doll children to play with.
He told me that when he was a boy, his aunt had taken him through the Thorne Miniature Rooms at the Art Institute of Chicago — a place she visited many times. Here they had lost themselves in those perfect shadow boxes, peering into, say, a Georgian dining room with crystal wine glasses, like fragments of diamonds, arranged on a silver tray. Beyond the chandelier and the French windows, a painted garden beckoned, with a lily pond and trees wilting in the summer heat, and paths you could follow into even stranger dreamscapes. You could imagine opening up one of the postage-stamp-sized books to hear the crack of its gold-leaf spine and read the secrets contained in its mouse-print text.
I can’t tell you what drove Marty Goddard into her dioramas. People around her tended to believe she wanted to escape into her imagination. But I think maybe she was exploring the dark magic of ordinary things, the way the most forgettable object can be converted into evidence. Some underwear, a pack of cigarettes, the note scrawled on the scrap of paper — how strange it is that any of these furnishings of your life could one day be used to reconstruct your own assault or murder. I wonder if she was building tiny crime scenes peppered with clues, if somehow she was leaving a message about what had happened to her.
Mr. Goddard told me that about 2010, “depression started to set in,” and his aunt became a furious alcoholic. Her once steel-trap mind wandered. Worse, she raged and accused, believed friends plotted to kill her. “In the last few years, she alienated most of her family and friends,” he said.
THE RAPE KIT WASN’T DOING SO WELL EITHER. In 2009, investigators toured an abandoned parking garage that the Detroit police had appropriated for storage and where officers had been dumping evidence for decades. In the dank building, with pigeons fluttering over their head, the investigators wandered past a blood-stained sofa and a bucket full of bullets and shells. In one of the parking bays, they found the rape kits — what would turn out to be a trove of 11,000, most of which had never been tested. Some of the kits had been collected as far back as 1980. The victims ranged in age from 90 to one month old.
It wasn’t just Detroit. Investigators in cities around the country had begun to open up their own warehouses, and they too discovered towers of untested rape kits.
By 2015, the backlog of untested rape kits in the United States had grown to an estimated 400,000.
In 2016, the Justice Department announced a new sexual assault kit initiative and $45 million to tackle the backlog. More than 25 states have committed to testing warehoused evidence. Despite the government funding, the cost of these initiatives still largely fell on women’s groups and the victims themselves, who organized dinner parties, Facebook charity drives and comedy shows.
So far, the efforts have paid off. Five states and the District of Columbia have cleared their backlogs. Testing thousands of kits has led to a bonanza of DNA identifications and hundreds of convictions. Scientists are also using rape-kit data to show that there are more serial rapists than we ever suspected. In one study of rape kits in the Cleveland area, researchers found that more than half of them were connected to other cases.
In other words, when a victim decides to go to all the trouble of driving to an emergency room and submitting to a rape-kit exam, it’s because she believes that her attacker will rape someone else. And quite often, she’s right.
When Ms. Goddard died, she asked that her ashes be thrown to the winds in Sedona, Ariz., along the red cliffs. Old friends like Cynthia Gehrie and Margaret Pokorny didn’t even know she was gone. She left behind those boxes of tiny furniture. And, also, a nationwide forensics system that might never have existed but for her.
Writing this, I dreamed of one day seeing one of the original kits displayed in the Smithsonian, among the parade of great American inventions. Mary Dreiser told me she might have saved one of the kits distributed in 1980. I asked her to hunt for it, and there it was, in the back of a closet, yellowed after decades in storage. The kit was emblazoned with the logo of a female face, as if to declare that this — among all the man-made objects in the world — had been created by and for women.
Today, a new generation of inventors are figuring out how to speed up the testing of rape-kit DNA, to improve the design of the kits, and to draw new insights from sexual-assault analytics. This story of feminist technology is still unfolding. Half a century after Marty Goddard answered the calls of teenage rape victims, survivors and their advocates are assembling a vast net of evidence, and it is tightening, ever so slowly, around the perpetrators.
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jmagnabo92 · 4 years
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How I Met Your Mother Thoughts Part 2
11. Robin left the group until Tracy died and then started coming around again.  Proof: In “Bad Crazy”, the time jumps are 4, 12, 14, 16, and 17 years.  4 is right after the divorce (2017) where she’s trying to stay connected due to Lily’s insistence.  Then the very next time jump is 2013 plus 12 = 2025, the year after Tracy dies.  She’s hanging around again because Ted’s available.  Of course he’s hurting, and not open to moving on (as he has a ten year old and eight year old to think about), so, it’s another two years.  Still not ready, two more years.  Then one year when he’s getting closer and closer to being ready, which is why she hangs out with them more and more.  
Also, further proof: Penny at five has no idea who Robin is.  She calls Robin “The bus lady”.  This is right before the deleted scene where Robin asks Ted if he wanted to continue with the forty deal (and Ted then decides it’s time to make Tracy his wife).  BUT in earlier episodes, and in general, he refers to her as “aunt Robin” and says she starred in their colored pictures.  Since they were 9 and 7 when Tracy died, it still makes sense that Robin would star in their pictures if she started coming around, again.  
Side note, Ted’s not the reason Jeanette is crazy, she was crazy before.
12. It was cruel of Robin and Barney to have Ted as their best man.  Especially, after he told her he loved her the year before.  It was even worse for Barney to ask him to be his best man, but then take it away without even talking to him.  The entire episode of “The Broken Code”, Barney was being unnecessarily cruel to Ted.  A) because Barney broke the code first, and B) because without breaking the code, the whole wedding wouldn’t happen.  Especially when it was Barney’s fault he wasn’t there for Robin, Robin fault that she called and she was grabbed his hand, not the other way around.  His hand is face down on his knee.  She reaches over and grabs it.
Side note, why the hell wasn’t James Barney’s best man?  Either from the beginning or when the “code” was broken.  James should’ve been his best man.  I’d be offended if I was James.  Especially when James/Tom relationship was part of why Barney was warming up to marriage in the first place.
13. Ted’s decision to move to Chicago was stated to happen in “Something New”, but I think it actually happened in “Romeward Bound”.  Why?  Because his best friends are moving to Italy for a year, and there’s that moment where Ted knowing Robin better than Barney, tells Barney that the whole “look don’t touch” thing is not okay with her.  As we know from her aversion to strip clubs and her reaction to Barney’s declaration that she’s okay with it the first time they dated, she is definitely not okay with it.  Even Lily says the same thing, but Barney was cold when he told Ted to back off.  This was the moment that Ted realized without being able to talk out his frustrations with Marshall and Lily, he’ll go crazy.  Just like the year before when he left the apartment because he needed a change, he needed to leave New York, no matter how much he loved it.  Seeing how quickly he changes gears to stay, it’s clear that he just needed happiness and/or at least a buffer.  If Marshall/Lily weren’t planning to move, he wouldn’t either.
14. I’m rewatching Season 2, so this might be a little ranty, but seriously, Lily was so wrong in “How Lily Stole Christmas”.  First of all, Ted was right to call her names when you consider that she waited 9 years to decide she needed to find herself, and when you’re angry, especially in that situation, you’re going to say awful things to make yourself feel better (and Marshall needed to hear bad things about her to start moving on, he had put her on pedestal and she needed come off for him to move on).  Second of all, she wasn’t just punishing Ted, she was also punishing Marshall, who did nothing to her.  
Also, she lives with them (something that has been going on for six years since they moved in there in 2000), and if she kept being so petty, she was going to break up their long lasting friendship because he had the right to be angry over her abandoning Marshall since he was dealing with the result of her actions (and clearly supporting Marshall because he laid around all summer drinking).  I’m not saying she couldn’t be angry about what he said, but stealing Christmas away from both Ted and Marshall was wrong.  Anyway, that brings me to another point.
15. Lily’s Credit Card debt.  This is a second reason that many people, at least on Reddit, attack Lily, and I have to say that I understand how she ends up in so much debt.  First, it’s the clothes, but the main issues are A) paying for apartments and utilities that she’s not actually living in because she needed it for her independence  B) not working for a private school to make more money and C) she tends to ignore her debt entirely until she has no choice.  Both she and Marshall spend money as soon as they get it, even when they were in debt from the wedding, school, and Lily’s shopping sprees, which only makes it worse.
16. Making the Wedding that Ted met Tracy at be Barney and Robin’s wedding, while makes sense from a story point of view (since it starts with Robin, so letting go of Robin makes sense to be able to move onto the love of his life), was a bad decision for the show.  Why?  Since Ted was ready to be married from Pilot and Barney was the anti-marriage guy for the first like four seasons, it caused Ted’s plot to basically pause until Barney caught up and then surpassed him.  The last 3 seasons focus on Barney’s development from one night stands to being a one-woman man, meanwhile Ted, who’s already at the commitment point is stuck in pauseland because his story needs Barney to surpass him.  For me, having Ted be a bystander in his own story, makes the story drag.  I really don’t like the last few seasons because of the focus on Barney’s development when I’m here for Ted’s story.
17. “Lucky Penny” is a good episode, except for the annoying completely unprofessional Airport Personal and glaring plot holes regarding the timeline. I also don’t like the scene where the kid with a broken leg, the old lady, and the pregnant lady are all practically demanding that he get up, like they own his seat. He had every right to that seat, jelly legs or not.  However, I really like the idea that Tracy actually dropped the penny, and even more that is why his daughter’s name is Penny. I also like the connection - this wouldn’t have happened if that hadn’t happened, and that wouldn’t have happened if that other thing didn’t happen. Basically, this is the entire series.  
If Ted never met Robin, he would never date her, if he never dated her, they wouldn’t break up, if they didn’t break up, he wouldn’t have gotten the Butterfly Tattoo, if he hadn’t gotten the Tattoo, he never would’ve met Stella.  If he hadn’t met Stella, he never would’ve gotten left at the alter, if he hadn’t gotten left at the alter, Tony wouldn’t have given him the Professor Job.  If he never became a professor, he never would’ve met Cindy, if he never met Cindy, he never would’ve prompted her to realize that she’s a lesbian, and then randomly running into her allowed for Tracy to be the band at the wedding.  I think I lost track after Cindy, but the entire story is all if this happened then that happened.  
18. Ted helping Victoria run away from her wedding was totally Out Of Character.  Ted was left at the alter and it nearly destroyed him, but he randomly decides to run off with Victoria, completely allowing Klaus to go through that same pain?  It just doesn’t make sense.  He got closure in “The Ducky Tie”, he didn’t need to go out with her again.  Also, the fact that she blamed him for her cold feet and decision to run off from her wedding soured me on her.  It was her decision, her freak out, she did not have to answer the call or show up at the bar, and she certainly didn’t have to use Ted as an excuse to leave.  Besides, Klaus also left, so it was going down the drain anyway.  Also, I got irrationally mad that her dad apparently expected Ted to pay, uh, no.  That’s on Klaus and Victoria, not Ted.
19.  Speaking of!  Going back to Season 1  “The Wedding”.  Ted honestly thought that he checked plus 1, so I get why he worked so hard to get Robin to go to the wedding, but the fact that it sparked the Temporary End of Stuart and Claudia was not his fault.  He would not have owed them the money back, especially when their relationship was clearly fragile if that fight on the eve of their wedding could end it.  Also, they clearly should never have gotten married, seeing what we see of them later on, it’s really obvious they are not compatible, and they would’ve been better off with other people.
20. In the “Duel”, Ted and Marshall are passive aggressively fighting about the apartment, which was brought up again in Season 9 “The Poker Game”.  Apparently, despite living together, they cannot discuss things openly and honestly, which is hilarious, how do you live with someone for most of your adult life and not learn how to talk?  
So, anyway, the reason I bring up “Duel” is that Barney tells Ted that he’s being edged out, and asks him if he’s going to still be his (Marshall’s) roommate when he’s married, and fun fact, for the first year and a half of their marriage, he is their roommate.  Also, in that same time period, they are apparently fighting over the wedding present that Ted didn’t get them, even though A) they live together B) How would Stuart know what Marshall’s favorite Coffee Maker was and C) Ted gave them 2 grand to finish their hardwood floors in their new apartment.  It doesn’t make any sense for Marshall and Lily to be hung up on a specific present when Ted SOLD his new car and GAVE them a lot of money for their new apartment, even though he would eventually be down a roommate (well, 2) and have his rent go up (because he’d now have to pay Marshall’s half).  I love Marshall, but come on, dude, no need to be so...what’s the word?...Greedy?  
                                                       ***
Anyway, I still have more thoughts, but have no idea how to be less wordy, so new post will eventually come.
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boughtwithaprice · 3 years
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I Kissed His Books Goodbye
Kae Salonzo Perez- Dilla
April 30, 2021
It was in 2019 when one of my favorite Christian authors shocked the Christian world by announcing his separation from his wife. It was Joshua Harris, the famous author and pastor who wrote, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" which sold millions of copies since their publication in the 90s and made him like a Christian celebrity. I was totally heartbroken when this news popped on my IG feed. A year before this devastating news, I came across Joshua Harris on Facebook and YouTube where I learned about his recent project at that time which is also the reasn why he resurfaced. He was on some documentary film of some sort where he reevaluated his very own books mentioned earlier. I have also watched his TED Ed segment where he apologized for the lives destroyed by his book. He said that he was too young when he wrote his famous books. I was puzzled at that time which led me to do more research a.k.a stalking. I am a good stalker, you know. Kidding aside! So, from there, I started stalking the Harris couple on their social media accounts. I will not forget feeling that something was already off from their relationship since they are both absent from each other's daily activities. I do not know if that is just normal with other people but to me, it isn’t. Also, it struck me that Shannon and the Harris daughters "appear" to be highly modern and very much "in the trend" kind of way when it comes to their clothes, music, and social media posts. Given that they are in the limelight of conservative believers, this is a diversion. I was not a diehard fan of Joshua Harris and so I do not really know what happened to him after writing his books, after getting married to the girl of his prayers, and after pastoring a mega church for 17 years. However, I suddenly recalled an information he disclosed in one of his books. It was about Shannon whose inches close to starting her music career but then converted to her newfound faith and so this dream career of hers was aborted. This, I strongly recalled when I found lots of her IG post informing the world that she is about to release her music albums -which her songs don’t have the slightest expression of her love for God. For a preacher’s wife, for a Christian woman, so to speak, her recent project gave me another major what-in-the-world-is-happening moment. These findings surprised me! That's why I'm not really taken aback when Joshua Harris announced that he and his wife, Shannon, are eventually divorcing. Perhaps something bigger is afoot since then.
 I know I am very late to make a fuss about Joshua Harris and his chosen path today, but I just want to express my thoughts since I kept seeing him lately. I was instantly reminded that I followed him on IG! And now I think about unfollowing him so I would be free from another stress. So, following his separation from his wife in 2019, more of his announcements on the social media just got more terrible as time pass by. He then denounced his Christian faith and joined an LGBTQ parade publicly. What worst could happen now? He has been posting his personal criticism on “Christianity" and against people "in the faith" with the notion of man's freedom being suppressed by God's will.  He makes obedience to God appear so vexing and that it’s the very thing that stifle man from enjoying earthly pleasures. He just twisted the truth about ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’. God is angry at the wicked every day and so we were all once hated by God until he shows us His grace (Psalms 7: 11). But tolerating a sinner could never equate to any form of love. Unless man sees himself as a sinner, he will never repent and seek God. Harris has numerous posts about this particular topic! As I see it, one could assume that it is his way of answering back to the spiteful comments he keeps on receiving from the Christian group. He’s making the believers look like a group of unbelievable people for hurting him with God’s truths. The truth will surely hurt him.
 There is no denying of the fact that Joshua Harris is still a hot issue among Christians today.  Every time Christians talk about relationships, Joshua and his books are brought into place. Before the declaration of his newfound path away from Christ, his books were said to be the "Bible" of Christian romance. Decades ago, Joshua and his books were often referred to when Christians tend to look for godly relationships to pattern theirs. I personally and seriously took note of the contents of his books since I was in a relationship when I read them back then. Just like the other Harris loyalists, I would always mention his name and the things I have learned from his books when giving advice to my friends both in and out of the church during girl talks. It's such a shame that I have to evaluate my old self and admit that I have passed onto others the words of Harris more than God's.  This, I humbly ask forgiveness from the Lord. And so, fast forward to the present time, look at how events have turned now. No one knows what really happened between Joshua and Shannon, but I'm pretty sure that whatever hit their relationship is a reflection of their individual relationship with God which have finally come in fruition in time. The book of Jeremiah says in chapter 7 verse 24, But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward. Whilst spending years and years of their life in the ministry, I could not help but wonder, was God really there "in" them? Frankly, although no man is in the position, it’s hard not to question their salvation thinking about what happened to them.
 Joshua Harris have said in an interview that he excommunicated himself from his church because he failed to follow the standards required by the scriptures. In his words, he sounded like he was the victim more than the traitor. To add, one of his videos on YouTube showed live reactions from the offended readers of his books. I personally think that was a clear picture answering the question of why he ended up retracting his beliefs in public. He responded to those people in oppose to what Christians should be doing when being persecuted. He wanted to please them so bad to the point where he just decided to abandon his post, leave his God or god and follow them as if that was the best decision to reach out to them. His mindset is just so disappointing. At some point, did he blame God for earning his haters? Is that why he went after people he doesn’t personally know and has no relationship with God? Was he supposed to reevaluate through the Bible or through people’s lenses? How many were Christians in that pool of readers? It was just necessary to apologize for the wrong points that resulted to misguided readers, but why leave the faith? It’s true that it takes lots of courage to face the music but I don’t see the part where leaving your faith is a new definition of bravery.
 When a Christian is found to be challenged, he ought to thrive. What happened to standing fast in the faith written in 1 Corinthians 16:13? But instead, Joshua Harris allowed the enemy to overpower him. He heard the wrong side. Well, to start with, he's probably not a genuine Christian. We don't want to judge him but again, we have been warned in Ephesians 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;  A Youtuber also commented that a Christian should never find his life in the Lord burdensome. Sadly, Harris has put down his cross, got tired and stopped following the Savior. A believer's walk with Christ was never promised to go through an easy road but we will always find ourselves consistently rejoicing in His grace despite the way.  Otherwise, those who are just pretending to understand the gospel will soon be revealed and will simply walk away because they were not meant to be in the fold of Christ in the first place.
 Just recently, not only Harris have denounced his faith in Christ. There were others. Although this is not new anymore because there were others even before Harris’s time, but in this age of social media, issues like this have great impact in the Christian society perceived in various wavelength. And this case has left Christiandom a question-- what do we do with the learnings gained from such persons? It is fitting to know where the line should be drawn when reading Christian books. The Lord has commanded us to daily seek Him in prayer and in the scriptures. Even the prophets enquired and searched diligently (1 Peter 1: 10). Hence, to check if the materials we read carry God’s truth in them, they must be aligned to what the Bible says. God’s words should affirm the ideas being offered to us by other books whether they appear new or not. I believe that the things I learned from Joshua’s books really helped me assess my former relationship and double check if it indeed glorifies the Lord. But I do not give credit to the author because most of the concepts of the godly dating he presented were extracted from the Bible and were inspired by the people around him that were ‘in Christ’, and Lord willing, still walking with Him until now. Joshua Harris have miserably left his once professed faith and no wonder when ‘his followers’ do the same too. The Lord only revealed the impending danger of following leaders and prominent individuals with such devotion that should only belong to God. We should be vigilant and be fully aware of where and with whom do we pour our faith into. 2 Peter 3:17, KJV: "Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness."
 The books written by Joshua Harris have heavily influenced his Christian readers. However, more than those pages that illuminated his beliefs before, what would really speak for himself is the life he chose to live today. I have kissed dating goodbye long time ago, not because of his books, but because God has been gracious to me and provided me a godly man to marry. I won’t recommend Joshua’s books but I will be keeping them. If people see them on my shelf one day, I know significant lessons could be drawn from them --more than courtship and dating, but particularly about a Christian’s walk with Christ.  
  We are in the end times and we are witnessing the falling away of man as said in 2 Thessalonians 2:3. But by God’s grace, His true children will persevere until His glorious return. The sad story of Joshua Harris just proved that our God is a perfect God who is solely worthy of receiving man’s adoration and trust. Not that He needs any of it, but it’s just crystal clear that no one else does. And that no earthly relationship should we model ours after except that of Christ and His love for the church which we could learn nowhere else but from the scriptures.
 Isaiah 40:25-31 
To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One. 
Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth. 
Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? 
Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. 
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. 
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: 
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 
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groggycascade · 5 years
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Ballbusters Anonymous, Pt. II
Continued from Pt. I, for which all credit to squishednuts. Pt. II is mine.
Tiffany chuckled softly. She looked Zoe up and down.
“Sure,” she said. “But this is maybe not the place.” She directed a meaningful look towards the group secretary. “I see you watching me, Clara,” she called across the room.
“Just don’t want you corrupting the youth, Tiff,” the secretary replied, falsely cheerful.
Tiffany rolled her eyes. Zoe looked nervously at the floor. She could feel Tiffany’s eyes on her again. The older woman’s confidence was making her feel very small and inexperienced.
“What are you doing right now?” Tiffany asked her at last.
                                                              ___
They walked towards Tiffany’s home. As they made their way through the streets, Tiffany told Zoe the story of her encounter with the would-be muggers, lowering her voice whenever somebody passed them in the dark, silent street.
“I’d already castrated one of those assholes, so he was out of commission,” Tiffany told her. “Now, for most women like us,” (here Zoe felt herself blush. She was both afraid and thrilled to be included in the sorority of ballbusting women). “For most women like us,” Tiffany continued, “that would have been enough. When I felt his balls like jelly in my hands…” Her laughter echoed loudly in the street. “I don’t mind telling you, no other man ever gave me an orgasm that good!”
Zoe bit her lip, her insides fluttering.
“But I was feeling, well…” For the first time in their short acquaintance, Zoe thought that Tiffany sounded uncertain. They stopped walking. “How old are you, anyway?” Tiffany asked her.
“Twenty-two.”
Her new friend laughed. “Honey,” she said, placing a hand on Zoe’s shoulder. “You have a lot to look forward to. I guess you’ve never been both incredibly angry and incredibly turned-on at the same time, right?”
Zoe didn’t answer. They continued their walk.
“Well, when it happens, it’s like you aren’t really in control of your own body. All you know is what your body wants, what it needs. And right then in that alley I knew my body needed me to ruin these men, destroy them for all time. Take away their most precious possessions.”
Zoe could tell Tiffany was enjoying spinning out her story, prolonging the moment when the two muggers would suffer the ultimate humiliation at her hands.
“I walked towards the second guy. He was still blind from when I’d maced him, but he must have heard my boots clicking on the floor, because he started trying to crawl backwards. His pants were still around his ankles, so the best he could manage was this pathetic kind of shuffle. If he’d known what was about to happen, he’d have been a lot less concerned about his eyes and a lot more concerned about his other two orbs.” She laughed again. “I should say at this point that I have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Protective cups are mandatory at my dojo, ever since… actually we don’t have to get into that. I’d been attending classes for years, they allowed me to release my ballbusting urges without worrying that I’d end up neutering some poor kid who never even got to use his dick and balls with a real girl. It wasn’t much but it was… better than nothing. Barely,” she said with bitterness.
Zoe snapped her attention back to her companion. Tiffany had unwittingly touched on one of her most private fantasies: to castrate a virgin, some weak shy boy who would never, thanks to her, in his whole life feel the pleasure of being with a woman…
“The point,” Tiffany said, “is that I’ve been taught to kick quite expertly. Now, when you kick a man in the groin – assuming your intention is to put him on the ground – your best bet is to kick with the instep. It’s a large, hard area of the foot, so not only will you not injure yourself, but you have an excellent chance of striking both testicles. The average schoolgirl is more than capable of overcoming an attacker in this way.”
Zoe sensed that this was a lecture Tiffany had delivered on many occasions.
“But for real, permanent damage, the experienced ballbuster uses the point of her shoe.” As they walked Tiffany demonstrated with some snap kicks. Left leg, right leg, left leg. “The force of the kick, rather than dissipating across the instep, is concentrated entirely in the small surface area of the shoe’s tip,” Tiffany said. “Caught between the pubic bone and a hard-toed shoe, a testicle has absolutely no chance. It bursts like a grape. Even a babe-in-the-woods ballkicker like you could scramble a guy’s eggs for good in this way.” She smiled at Zoe, who felt a surge of affection for this woman. Still, she was hoping Tiffany would get to the good part already.
“So, I lined up my target. His cock and balls were jiggling between his legs as he tried to get away from me. I started to jog forward.” She laughed again, but quietly to herself this time. “I remember, through everything, being kind of disappointed his hands were rubbing his eyes. I wanted my face to be the last thing he saw in his life as a man.”
Even though awed by Tiffany’s cruelty, Zoe didn’t feel any revulsion. In fact, she was imagining herself in the other woman’s shoes, preparing to inflict the most painful, humiliating punishment imaginable…
“I kicked forward with the point of my shoe. I kicked as hard as I’ve ever kicked in my life, but that power came at the expense of accuracy. I felt his left ball briefly resist my shoe, then burst. Crunch.”
Zoe whimpered softly. Beneath her skirt, her panties were almost soaked through.
“I knew right away I’d only half-succeeded. His one testicle was complete pulp, totally irreparable. But I’d missed the other. By now the guy was screaming his lungs out, as you’d imagine. What was worse, the third guy had rolled over and started crawling up the alley on his hands and knees. I don’t know if he knew what I’d done to his friend, but he probably had a pretty good idea. I had to act quickly. I knelt down and pulled the guy’s hands away from his balls. Or ball, I should say. His right ball was clearly intact, but where the left one had been was just mush. I closed my fist around his remaining ball. He was still screaming in pain, so I covered his mouth with my free hand. He barely resisted; I think he was already passing out at this point. I bent down so that my mouth was close to his ear, and I said, ‘My name is Tiffany Tine, and while you’re in the hospital I’ll be fucking myself senseless to the memory of taking away your worthless balls. I hope you remember my name every time you can’t get your dick up, asshole.’”
“Yeah!” said Zoe. She realized she’d been holding her breath for almost thirty seconds, captivated by Tiffany Tine’s story.
“Then I started squeezing. His last testicle barely lasted five seconds. It must have been the adrenaline – when I was younger, I once squeezed my brother’s balls until he passed out, but I never did him any permanent damage. That was the first time I ever burst a testicle with nothing but my hand. Usually they need softening up with some kicks first. The feeling of power it gave me was… literally indescribable. You have to understand that all this took place in less than a minute. In that time, I’d turned two men into eunuchs. They were useless now thanks to me. Freaks, losers, nobodies.”
“And the last guy?” Zoe asked. Her voice came out husky and hoarse. All thoughts of that evening’s meeting, of her efforts to curb her ballbusting fetish, had been long since abolished. Tiffany chuckled.
“He’d gotten to his feet by this time,” she said. “He was still rubbing his eyes, he hadn’t even pulled his jeans up. Obviously he decided that the only way he was getting out of there with his balls intact was by begging me for mercy. ‘Please, just let me go,’” said Tiffany, impersonating the mugger’s pathetic pleading. “‘I can leave, I’ll just go home, you’ll never see me again…’ Blah, blah blah.”
They had reached Tiffany’s house. Under the porchlight, Tiffany jiggled her purse, searching for the doorkey. Turning to Zoe she laughed at the expression of need on her face.
“I guess you really want that ending, huh?” she asked, grinning. Zoe nodded, speechlessly. Tiffany turned the key in the lock and entered the house. She turned back to Zoe.
“Come on in, then,” she said.
With the door closed behind them, Tiffany said, “I’ll tell you the rest of the story. But,” she held up a finger. “I want something in return.”
Zoe followed her into the lounge. The house was clean and tastefully decorated. Silently, Zoe noted the lack of male influence in the décor. Clearly Tiffany was single, or more likely divorced. Her hostess settled into a deep leather couch, patting the seat next to her. Obediently, Zoe sat down.
“So, what is it you want?” she asked, after a moment of silence. She was feeling strangely disoriented, as though half of her was still in Tiffany’s story.
At that moment, the women heard footsteps descending the stairs. A few seconds later a guy a few years younger than Zoe, no more than a kid really, came slouching through the door. A baggy t-shirt enveloped his skinny frame, above a pair of grey sweatpants. His hair was unkempt, and he regarded Tiffany and Zoe with eyes that were heavy-lidded.
“Hello, Jadon,” Tiffany said warmly. “My son,” she told Zoe. Zoe tried not to look surprised. It had never occurred to her that the serial castratrix with whom she had left the Ballbusters Anonymous meeting might have any kind of maternal instincts.
“Jay,” said Tiffany’s son, sullenly shaking Zoe’s hand. He sniffed. “You a friend of my mom’s from Kung Fu, or whatever?”
“It’s Tae Kwon Do, honey,” Tiffany replied, indulgently, before Zoe could answer. “And yes, Zoe’s a new member of our dojo. We think she has great potential.”
Jadon rolled his eyes. Zoe wondered how this scant, sulking youth could belong to the poised, attractive, self-confident woman who sat next to her on the couch.
“Jadon doesn’t believe martial arts are effective in a… what was it, dear? ‘A street-fighting scenario?’” Tiffany said, by way of explanation.
Zoe saw Jadon’s face colour.
“I was just telling Zoe a story that would probably change your mind, Jay honey,” continued Tiffany. She flashed a smirk at Zoe.
“People in the real world don’t care about Kung Fu rules, mom,” Jay muttered. “You don’t get points,” he went on contemptuously. “It’s eat or get eaten out there.”
“And I tell my son,” Tiffany replied, “that it’s exactly that kind of male arrogance that makes our training so effective. Maybe,” she said, “before I finish telling you that story, you could give Jadon a demonstration?”
Zoe looked quickly at Tiffany. Was she saying what Zoe thought she was saying?
“Mom,” Jadon whined. “She’s a girl.”
“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Tiffany said decisively. “Up, up, up,” she said, shooing Zoe to her feet.
The room was large and spacious. Zoe stood in its centre, looking pleadingly at Tiffany. She couldn’t believe she had interpreted the other woman’s intentions correctly. That was when Tiffany banished all doubt.
“Why don’t you show my son that technique I was showing you on the walk home?” she said, all innocence. Zoe’s eyes widened. Jadon dragged his feet across the carpet to where she was standing. For all his apparent reluctance, Zoe could tell the prospect of putting his hands on a woman’s body excited him. This kid had definitely never been laid, Zoe decided. Probably never even seen real boobs, or had his hand between a girl’s legs.
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” he told her, winking lazily.
“Alright then, Jadon,” Tiffany called across the room. Zoe could hear amusement in her voice, and perhaps even a trace of… anticipation? “Show us how they fight on the streets,” Jadon’s mother said.
Jadon started bouncing on his heels, jogging his arms like a video game character. Zoe was inclined to laugh at how absurd he looked, this skinny kid feinting and shuffling as though he were some kind of MMA fighter.
Suddenly, Jadon lunged forward. The carpet was thick, and broke most of Zoe’s fall. Jadon had his arms wrapped around her legs. As she struggled to free herself, Jadon started climbing up her body, reeling her towards himself. Tiffany shouted encouragement from the sidelines.
“Come on, Zoe! Remember what I told you!”
Jadon’s arms were up around Zoe’s waist now. Suddenly, she felt his hand slip between her thighs and roughly caress her pussy. She looked up to see him leering at her, an insulting smile plastered across his face. In a burst of anger she began kicking her legs and succeeded in shaking Jadon off. Quickly, they both leapt to their feet.
Zoe was breathing more heavily now – not from exertion, but from anger. With disgust she noticed Jadon’s sweatpants tenting. The little fucker had a semi on after feeling her up on the carpet!
Jadon began moving towards her again.
“Do it, Zoe!” Tiffany called from the couch.
Zoe fixed her narrowing eyes on Jadon’s crotch. In her mind, she was back in Tiffany’s story – Jadon was no longer Tiffany’s teenage son, he was the mugger who deserved everything that was coming to him.
As though in slow motion, she kicked forward with her right foot. Even afterwards, she wouldn’t be sure if she had used the tip of her shoe deliberately, the way Tiffany had told her to if she wanted to cause permanent damage. Everything else, though, was clear – the way Jadon’s momentum carried him unstoppably into her kick; the feeling of his balls compressing as she crushed them against his pelvis; she slow way his expression crumpled in a rictus of agony.
Jadon hit the floor, gasping and dry-heaving.
“Oh!” cried Tiffany, jumping to her feet.
Zoe stepped backwards, her hands over her mouth. She’d kicked dozens of guys in the balls before. She had become used to their reactions – the paralysis, the moans of pain – but Jadon looked worse than any guy Zoe had ever busted before. She didn’t know if he was even more of a wimp than she’d thought, or if she had actually just destroyed his testicles in front of his own mother.
Tiffany knelt down next to her son. “Jadon, honey,” she said, her voice full of distress. Jadon’s eyes were screwed shut in pain, so that only Zoe saw that the expression on his mother’s face was not one of concern. Zoe would almost have said she looked as though she found her son’s agony amusing. Surely not, she thought. Tiffany might have been a self-professed ballbusting bitch, but there was no way her love of ballbusting trumped motherly concern. Right?
Tiffany tried to pull Jadon’s hands away from his crotch, but he clutched determinedly on to his wounded balls.
“Darling, I need to check if your testicles are ruptured,” his mother told him. “You might have to go to the hospital.”
Jadon gave no reply except a loud sob – of pain or fear, Zoe couldn’t tell. She wondered if she ought to flee. If she had injured Jadon, would Tiffany call the police? Would anyone believe that this had been a joke that got out of hand?
“Zoe, hold his arms please.” Tiffany’s businesslike voice snapped Zoe out of her thoughts. She bent down and, with difficulty, succeeded in releasing Jadon’s grasp on his balls. With her son’s arms restrained, Tiffany wrestled the waistband of his sweatpants down around his knees.
Instinctively, Zoe stifled a giggle at the sight of Jadon’s small dick. The image was made more ridiculous by his testicles, which were already so swollen they seemed like they might burst out of his scrotum.
Gently, Tiffany palpated each of her son’s balls in turn, drawing howls of pain. Eventually she withdrew her hands and wiped them on her pantlegs.
“Nothing seems to be broken,” she announced. She patted her son on the head. “But I doubt you’ll be chasing the girls for at least a few weeks, hon.” Turning to Zoe, she said, “Help me get him up.”
With each of their heads under one of Jadon’s arms, they succeeded in lifting him to his feet. Letting Zoe take his full weight, Tiffany pulled her son’s pants back up. “I think Zoe’s seen enough of your little bits and pieces for one evening,” she commented.
Zoe waited in the lounge as Tiffany half-carried her son up the stairs. Her head was almost spinning. She was relieved that she hadn’t caused any lasting damage to Jadon’s balls, even if she was still furious with him for groping her. She was angry with Tiffany for putting her in that situation, even if she had relished the opportunity to punt her little prick of a son right in his fragile nuts. And, as her heartbeat settled, she began to experience the familiar feeling of excitement that accompanied dropping a guy with a solid kick to the balls.
Eventually she heard Tiffany descending the staircase.
“You little minx,” Tiffany said, entering. “I can’t believe you tried to rupture my son’s testicles.”
Zoe jumped up from the couch where she had been gathering her thoughts.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” she stammered.
Tiffany laughed, waving her back down onto the couch. “I said ‘tried to,’ didn’t I?” she said. “It’s a good thing you’re not wearing boots. If you had been, or if – heaven forfend – that had been one of my kicks, it’s safe to say my son would have a sack full of mush right now instead of two unimpressive but healthy testicles.”
She took a seat next to Zoe. “You did wonderfully,” she said, stroking Zoe’s hair.
“Why did you make me do that?” Zoe asked quietly. Tiffany was quiet for a moment before replying.
“Last time I tried to quit ballbusting cold turkey, I ended up neutering three guys in an alley,” she said. “Do you know how long it’s been since I kicked a pair of balls?”
Zoe shook her head.
“Three months, a week, and two days,” Tiffany said at once. “I was starting to feel as though if I didn’t get some action soon, even vicariously, I was going to fall off the wagon hard. Then, who knows how many guys would end up getting involuntary sex changes. Didn’t I say at the meeting that I almost relapsed today?”
“I guess, when you put it like that,” Zoe said after a thoughtful pause. Tiffany nodded encouragement.
“You really helped me tonight, Zoe,” she said. “Thanks to you, I think all my male colleagues’ balls are safe. For a week at least.”
Zoe grinned in spite of herself. “I can’t believe I almost ruined your chances of having grandkids,” she said.
Tiffany tossed her head and laughed. “What the hell, I still have a daughter,” she said. “In fact, you ought to meet her. It’s about time she started learning how to put her older brother in his place.”
“Maybe some other time,” Zoe said. “I think your family’s had enough of me for one night. But, umm…”
Tiffany looked at her enquiringly.
“Before I go…” Zoe said. “Would you mind, um…”
At last Tiffany understood. With a broad smile she settled deeper into the couch, and finished the story of the castrated muggers.
                                                            ___
“Please, just let me go. I can leave, I’ll just go home. You’ll never see me again.”
The mugger’s pleadings almost stirred a hint of sympathy in Tiffany’s heart. He did look pathetic – pants around his ankles, his exposed dick and balls flopping around as he begged for mercy.
Frantically, the mugger tried to wipe the burning mace from his eyes. “I don’t even know these guys,” he whimpered. “I’ve never done this before, it wasn’t my idea…”
As she walked towards him, Tiffany realized the mugger was probably being truthful. Up close, it was clear he was hardly any older than her own son.
“His too bad,” she thought to herself. After he’d learned the hard way not to fuck with strange women in dark alleyways, there was no chance of him ever trying to pull something like this again.
“Please, lady, swear to God…” The mugger was still blubbing.
“Shut up,” Tiffany snapped. She was standing a foot away from him now. “Lie down on the ground.”
“Please…”
Tiffany slapped him across the face. “Do what I tell you, and maybe I’ll let you get out of here with your life,” she told him.
The kid shuddered. To Tiffany’s amazement he lay down on the ground. The sound of his friends’ agonized screams and sudden silence must have convinced him that she really could kill him. Tiffany kicked his legs as wide as they would go, still hobbled as he was by the jeans around his ankles.
“Wha… what are you going to do to me?” the kid stammered.
Tiffany raised her foot above the young man’s crotch. The light from the moon glinted dully on the thick rubber of her bootheel.
“Since you asked,” she said, “I’m going to stomp on your testicles until there’s nothing left down there but goo. It’s going to hurt worse than anything you’ve ever felt in your life, and afterwards you’ll never function as a man again. No woman will ever look at you without laughing.” She paused. “That clear enough?”
The kid sobbed fearfully.
“Look at me,” Tiffany ordered.
Blinking furiously, the kid opened his red-raw eyes. Tiffany waited for him to fully comprehend the spectacle of her shoe, poised high above his unprotected balls.
Then she stomped down.
The kid screamed shrilly as his testicles compressed under Tiffany’s boot. To no avail he tried to remove her foot from his crotch. As she lifted her leg a second time, he covered his balls with his hands. With a grunt of impatience Tiffany bent down and ripped his hands away. Holding his arms at his side, she lay on top of him and began driving her knee over and over again into his crotch. Her large breasts muffled his screams.
Whump.
Whump.
Whump.
Before long the sound coming from between the kid’s legs was less of a thud and more of a wet crunch. His screams had subsided to a delirious sobbing. With one final knee – crunch – Tiffany stood up and looked down at her work. The kid was somehow still conscious, barely. With her toe, Tiffany sloshed around the contents of his scrotum. It felt like a half-empty water balloon.
As the reality of what she had done set in, Tiffany’s hand slipped almost of its own accord under the waistband of her pants. Her breathing became heavier.
“Oh… oh, my God… oh, fuck,” she gasped, sinking to her knees, convulsing with pleasure. She didn’t know how long she stayed there. When she regained her senses, the kid was still moaning softly. Unsteadily, Tiffany got to her feet.
“Wow,” she said to herself.
Looking both ways first, she emerged from the alley. The street was quiet and empty. She quickly began walking in the direction of home. Someone, somewhere must have heard the commotion in the alley, and Tiffany wanted to be nowhere near when the police arrived to find three men brutally castrated. This though wasn’t the only reason for her haste.
As she thought back to what she had done to those men, replaying every moment in her head, she could feel herself getting wet again.
                                                         ___
Zoe felt like a ball of static energy. A strand of hair had come loose over her forehead, which was glazed with sweat. Tiffany patted her on the knee.
“It’s okay, hon,” she told her. “You don’t have to be shy around me.”
For a further second, Zoe was completely still on the couch. Then she thrust her hand down the front of her skirt, rubbing herself desperately. While she masturbated, she murmured softly to herself.
“… his balls were turned to mush… I bet he never fucked in his life… I bet his dick was the size of a cocktail wiener… oh my God… he can never… never… oh, yes, yes, yes…”
Afterwards, she sat hunched over in embarrassment. She had never lost control like that before. Tiffany’s story had been the hottest thing she’d ever heard.
She felt Tiffany’s hand brush against her hair again.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” the older woman said. “I know. I know what it’s like.”
Eventually Zoe looked up.
“You said… back at the meeting, you said that night was your rock bottom.”
Tiffany sighed.
“I never thought any of those guys would tell anyone what I’d done to them. I mean, who would actually go to the police and tell them they lost their testicles to the woman they were trying to mug?”
Zoe nodded.
“Well, it turned out one of those guys would. The one I’d told my name to, as it happened. There was a trial. He’d already been sentenced for the attempted mugging. I guess he figured he had nothing else to lose. Once he got in the witness box, he described every detail of how I ruined his life. There were a few female giggles from the gallery, I remember.”
Tiffany looked melancholy, however.
“The judge – a woman, by the way, thank God – instructed the jury to find me not guilty on the felony assault, but there was no beating the misdemeanour. I did thirty days in jail. My boyfriend left me, and I almost lost my business. Still,” she said, more brightly, “I’m moving on. Getting better.”
Somehow Zoe doubted that was the case. Still, who was she to talk? She had started the evening sincerely wanting to gain control of her ballbusting urges, and had ended it by almost castrating a horny teen then frigging herself stupid at the thought of finishing the job.
She got up from the couch.
“I should go,” she said.
Tiffany walked her to the door. As Zoe stepped out into the night, Tiffany spoke behind her.
“We’ve got to help each other out, hon,” she said. “We’re all in the same boat here.”
Zoe turned back and looked at her wordlessly.
“I guess I’ll see you,” Tiffany said. “At next week’s meeting?”
“Definitely,” said Zoe, at last.
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alekakers · 5 years
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The Story So Far (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Existential Dread)
- 32-
When I was a kid I thought of thirty-two as this incredibly significant age. For whatever reason I viewed it as the epitome of reaching adulthood. Of course as a child I thought of everyone older than me as an adult. You know that weird skewed perspective thing, when you recall memories from childhood and even high school kids looked like grown ups. But in my head thirty-two was a mythical age that solidified your status as an adult. An age that once reached meant you were no longer a young man/woman, but a full fledged adult-y adult.
Now as I sit here looking back on thirty-two years of life I can say I had no idea how my perspective on age and life would change over the next couple decades. But in some strange way I wasn’t completely wrong either. I had wanted to do this kinda thing when I turned 30 but that was a chaotic time so I never got around to it. So now with two more years behind me, here is a reflection on a simple life and what I’ve learned from it. Let’s start at the beginning...
- Born On The Bayou -
I was born in the early afternoon in Nassau Bay, Texas. I grew up on the same 25 acre ranch my mom was raised on. 30 minutes outside of Houston, 20 minutes from the Gulf of Mexico, and 10 minutes from the Johnson NASA Space Center where my grandparents were instrumental in the Apollo and space shuttle programs. My grandfather was an Oklahoma farm boy that crossed the Mississippi in a covered wagon who ended up putting men on the moon. My grandmother came from New England and was breaking ground in the country’s fledgling space program when she fell in love with a cowboy rocket scientist and brought my mom into the world. Unfortunately they died when my mom was in college. I wish I could have met them.
My dad grew up in a sleepy suburb outside Portland, Oregon. His mother was an eccentric, loving, and strong-willed woman. It was her grandfather, Aleksander Justice, that I’m named after. A wolgadeutsche immigrant, he moved to America to start a new life for himself and his family. My grandmother was harshly old-fashioned to say the least, but she loved me and my sister with all her heart and was in our lives more than any other extended family member. Her passing a few years ago wrecked me more than I thought it would.
My father’s father was an orphan adopted and raised by his Uncle. As an angsty youth he enlisted in the navy to avoid jail time, served as a frogman in Vietnam, worked as a motorcycle cop for decades to support three kids, helped raise my cousin after my aunt got divorced, and was a volunteer firefighter and loving grandfather and great grandfather when he passed a couple years back. He was and will always be the prime example of the man I judge myself against. I miss him a lot.
- Beans and Cornbread -
My parents met in college and were soon after married and the proud parent’s of a baby boy. My dad was serving in the navy when both I and then my sister, Erin, were born. After his tour of duty my parents moved to the property in Texas that was left to my mom and my uncle. Despite being crazy young, dirt poor, and perhaps in retrospect being wildly unprepared to raise a family, my parents managed to keep us fed and clothed and sheltered. Most importantly they instilled in us the values and morals I still hold dear. Treat others with kindness. Be grateful for what you have. Work hard, try your best, and never give up no matter what life throws at you. In some ways I’m grateful for my modest upbringing and the appreciation it gave me for the little things in life.
Even though my friends lived in nice suburbs while I lived in a run down ranch house, even though they had nintendos and nerf guns while I had cheap plastic toys, even though we ate on a shoe string budget and couldn’t go on fancy vacations, even through the emotional trauma of it all, I still look back on my childhood fondly. I am eternally grateful for those years. Wandering around the pasture. Erin and I letting our imaginations run wild. Going to cub scouts every week. Making our own fun roaming around the church after hours while our mom was there to do whatever she was there to do. My parents scraping every penny to make holidays and birthdays special. I wouldn’t trade all the dinners of beans and cornbread for anything else. I’ll always be a humble country boy at heart.
- Misty Mountain Hop -
Three months after my 11th birthday we packed up the house, loaded the moving truck, and drove half way across the country to start a new life in Washington. My dad had been unemployed for a while and ended up finding a job with the boy scouts in Everett. It would give our family a modicum of economic security and put us closer to my dad’s family in Oregon. It was a jolting transition to say the least. Shortly after we moved puberty hit like a ton of bricks. My early childhood was firmly left in Texas and my teenage years made their angsty debut in Washington.
We moved into a quiet suburb 30 minutes north of Seattle and for the first time our family had a level of comfort we had never had. We could afford name brand cereal! But simultaneously my father’s anger issues were coming to a boiling point. Also my sister and I were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was a very tumultuous time. My defense mechanism was to retreat, and I became terribly introverted and detached, retreating into music and video games. My sister went the opposite direction and became a loud, boisterous spit-fire, finding herself at home in the world of theater. I think we both already had the predilections for these respective personality traits, but the dissonance in the family only exaggerated them.
After a few years we moved into another house around the block. It was around this time that my father’s temper finally became too much and he started seeking help to work through some things. It took some time but I can’t stress enough how much of a different person he was after that. Night and day. I was in high school at this point and it was also around this time that I started to become disillusioned with the status quo of society. The modern school system seemed pointless, I started smoking weed, and music became the end all be all of my existence. It still is. Music is life! I dropped out of high school and decided to live the life I wanted to live.
Throughout my teenage years I played in different bands, experimented with all kinds of drugs, met and broke up with my first true love, entered the work force, and started the slow painful transition from adolescence to adulthood. It was a wild time! While part of me wishes I had stuck out high school, I have never regretted the choices I made. I saw that so much of the reality around me was a construct of our culture and I sought to push the boundaries of that reality. And I’m glad I did. I learned lessons the hard way, on my terms. I saw past so many lies and illusions and fallacies of how we’re expected to live our lives and perceive the world. I created my own world of truths and morals instead of blindly accepting the ones being pushed on me. It was an incredibly eye-opening and freeing time in my life and I credit those experiences for a lot of the wisdom and knowledge that I’ve absorbed.
*Disclaimer: I am grateful that I came out of that time in my life relatively unscathed. I know/knew many people that couldn’t claim themselves so lucky. It takes an incredibly strong will to toe the line and step back without going over the edge. Even though I wouldn’t change a moment of it, I wouldn’t recommend the life I led to anyone.
- Retreat and Rebirth -
After the last band I was in during those days broke up, our collective friend groups started to dissipate. As the realities of adult life started to pull from different directions most people rose to the occasion. I did not. Burnt out from the crazy ride and being overwhelmed by life I retreated to a world of isolation. A little solitude is healthy. I consider myself an outgoing introvert (A term a like a lot). But I took it too far. Unemployed for three years. Letting many friendships dwindle and slip away. Spending my days doing nothing but smoking weed and playing video games. It was unhealthy and I didn’t know how to change. Then the universe decided it was time. Just after my 22nd birthday I finally cut ties with a very close but deceptively toxic friend. After smoking half a pack a day since I was 16 I decided to quit. And I decided to take a break from smoking weed. Then to top it all off my childhood dog that I had had for 14 years died. To this day that remains the most transformational time in my life.
I spent that spring and summer reconnecting with myself and what was important in life. Taking care of my diabetes. Eating healthier. Gardening. I leaned into making mixtapes like never before. It is still my main hobby. Musica es vida! I had what I can only describe as a spiritual awaking. Come fall I was smoking weed again but with a renewed respect for the plant. I had a job doing something I had unexpectedly developed a passion for, cooking. And I found myself coming out of my social isolation. It was like I ended a three year hiatus from the world. I still think of my life in terms of before that time and after.
Then three years after I hit the reset button on life I was ready for another change. I was 25 and the inexorable march of time wasn’t stopping. So I finally moved out of my parent’s house. No shame! Science says that adolescence in modern humans lasts into our early twenties. And I was definitely still weening out of my teenage years at that age and was lucky to have such amazing supportive parents. It wasn’t until 24/25 that the existential dread of life started to set in and I thought, shit I gotta get outta here. December 2012, the apocalypse didn’t happen, and I moved in with my sister in downtown Seattle. She herself had spent the last few years overcoming her own traumas and wrestling with her own demons, and she helped me step even further outside my comfort zone into the greater world. I am so grateful for the two years we got to live together as fledgling adults.
- She Saved Me -
Just shy of a year living among the sights and sounds of the city, I found myself falling into a dangerous rut. I had been at the same job for three years. Commuting between the suburbs and downtown. Six years since my last relationship. Not much of a social life. And finding escape from the dull routine at the bottom of a bottle. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Get drunk and high and play video games or watch tv. Rinse, repeat. I suddenly found myself back where I was. And again I didn’t know how to break the cycle. Then I met the one person that would change my life in ways I never could have expected. The one person that would rock my world, wake me up to the true possibilities of existence, and become the one person that I could truly never live without.
One fall day I walk into work to see a new face. Olivia was her name. Damn she’s cute, I thought. And I quickly became enamored with her personality. But it would take 6 months of quietly pining for her before I had the courage to try my hand. Then on a fateful day in May we spent a whole day together. Then a whole week together. Then the summer that would change my life forever. We fell madly in love. I stopped drinking like a horse. My heart was opened to another for the first time in many many years. My mind was awakened by a mind I so closely related to. My body was refreshed by the passion I had been so long without. It was another rebirth of the soul, the kind that shook me to my very core. I had almost resigned myself to being alone forever, working a dead end job and drinking the nights away. Then she saved me. She remains my best friend, my rock, and my favorite person in the whole world.
- My Place -
Invigorated and encouraged, I found a new job. A slight step up in the culinary sense. Challenging yet rewarding. Olivia moved in with us. Then a few months later we got our own place in north Seattle. Shortly after we got a pupper. It was an incredible time. Feeling truly independent and self-supportive for the first time. Developing an amazing relationship with the person that I quickly realized I could spent the rest of my life with. This was the first time in my life I could attest to feeling the slightest bit like an adult. Of course I had realized long ago that you never really feel like an adult. You don’t just wake up one day like a switch was flipped and go, oh I’ve got it now. Life is a constant journey of growth and learning. We’re all just faking it till we make it.
But this was the first time in my life where I felt like, ah okay this is it, this is life, this is being an adult. Waking up every day, doing your best to navigate life, and constantly trying to figure out what it means to be you, what's important to you. Then life set up to deliver another wave of challenges to overcome. It was around this time that my family experienced a huge upheaval. We almost lost someone very close to us and it rattled me to my core. Then my boss was involved in a car accident and as his assistant I was suddenly interim kitchen manager. A couple months later the owner was impressed enough to make it official and I toke my first salaried job.
I relished the opportunity and strove to run that kitchen the absolute best I could. I went above and beyond. I poured everything I had into it. I learned so much about the restaurant game, management, cooking, and above all about myself. It was an intense period of personal growth. At the same I was coming into my own as a leader and a cook, I was also dealing with multiple family tragedies. And as much as I loved the work, the restaurant, and the owners, the stress of the job started taking its toll. Salary is a double edged sword in any industry, but especially in food service. If you know you know. I was doing my best to soldier on but I got to a point where enough was enough. I had come into some money and decided to take some time off. I left on good terms and will never forget the lessons I learned and the people I met.
- Intermission -
I had just turned 30. I had spent the last two years running myself ragged as the kitchen manager of a bustling Seattle restaurant. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that place. It was time for a break. I invested most of the money I inherited, and then set enough aside to to take some time to live life again. I rested. I remembered how to not be anxious every waking moment. Olivia and I went on a cross country road trip to see the national parks and visit my home town in Texas. I proposed. She said yes! It was so incredibly cathartic and needed. I am still grateful I had the opportunity to take the time I needed to reset.
Later that year it was time to go back to work. I ended up back at the little place in the burbs where I started my journey. I was happy to take the lessons I learned and come back as kitchen manager. It was just what I needed to ease back into the industry. The perfect place to put into practice my new found appreciation for work life balance. Meant to be a temporary step, as soon as I did all I was able to do to help them right the ship, it was time to move on. My father in law put me in touch with the chef he worked with and he brought me on board. It was a significant step up in the culinary scene, and I’ve been tapped to take over for the sous chef.
- And Now For Something Completely Different -
Now here I am. 32 years old. That mythical age I held in random esteem when I was a kid. Looking back on my life and thinking about what I’ve learned along the way. Even though I still struggle with my less savory qualities - I fear change and the unknown. I’m scared of success. I suffer from impostor syndrome and doubt my own strengths. I avoid confrontation. - I’m working on it. For the most part I love who I am. I’m proud of the person I’ve become. But it took a time. And work. I made peace with childhood traumas. I fought through pain, did some serious introspection and soul-searching, and came out the other side a better person for it. I looked inside myself to find the strength to overcome my demons. I think it’s inside all of us. Some people attribute it to a higher power. Some people find peace and comfort in the company of others. Whatever it takes, we’re all capable of making changes for the better.
If there is one thing life has taught me it’s that we are never done learning. We never stop growing. We never “figure it out”. We’re constantly being tested by the realities of life and doing our best to rise to the occasion. At 32 I may be an adult by most standards, but I’m still sorting out what that even means, what my purpose in life is, and waking up every day just trying to be the best me I can be. That’s life. And I’m grateful for the safety and security that gives me the luxury of musing on such ephemeral topics. I’m grateful for every day I wake up and get another whack at this crazy thing called living. I’m grateful I got to exist at all. I don’t spend much time these days waxing on the countless possibilities of the what’s and why’s of reality. At the end of day it’s a mute point. My consciousness still inhabits this physical body in this physical realm, and if I wanna keep seeing how far I can take it I have to play by its rules. Even if I occasionally see how far I can bend them. Whatever comes next, whatever is beyond the great void, my reality exists in the here and now. I’ve come to terms (for the most part;) with my mortality and the existential dread. It reminds me that its up to myself to find purpose in life. So I try to live in the present, to work on my shortcomings, make the best of every day, and treat others how I would want to be treated.
As I stare down the barrel of the “best years” of my life, I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. If not for the world at large (jury’s still out on that one) than at least for my ability to navigate it and make the best of it for myself and others. I'm engaged to my best friend, I'm in a kick ass band making music with some of my oldest friends, and I've got a job that I'm incredibly excited about. Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future.” Wise words. But at the same time I think its important to remember where we came from and retain the lessons we’ve learned along the way. As well as looking to the future so that we may live with purpose. I think living is a delicate balance of keeping in mind all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And we’re all just doing our best to find the balance. Do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt others. Try to leave the world a better place for those that come after. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself so that you can love others. Namaste!
- Alek
TL;DR - I just turned 32. Life is crazy. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself and love others. Do your best. Namaste!
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TGF Thoughts: 3x07-- The One Where Diane and Liz Topple Democracy
Yes I’m still writing these
“Admit it. You like having me here. I mean, you didn’t think you would. But then, gradually, you realize that Blum is like a shot in the arm,” Blum tells the viewers. I mean, the partners. But he’s definitely talking to the viewers. See, we are supposed to ENJOY him. We’re supposed to find his terribleness cute and endearing. We’re supposed to be captivated by him. Here’s the thing: I’m not. I just want him to go away and stop being loud, which is how I have felt from the second he first opened his mouth. And when he was silent and I didn’t know how loud he’d be? I still wanted him to go away.
Does Blum work better than most of the past attempts at Blum-like figures? Yes. He’s leaps and bounds better! Is he still an annoying ass pest? HELL FUCKING YES.
Blum compliments the partners on being “clean” and “articulate” because he’s racist and wants everyone to know it. It’s cute!! So cute and charming!!
Why are the partners having an end of the year meeting? Is it the end of their fiscal year? Is it December? I want to know.
Blum attributes a Machiavelli quote to Martin Luther King Jr, which is actually kind of hilarious. Even if I don’t like him I can appreciate when they write him well.
Blum decides he’s joining the firm and the partners ask for time to confer. Marissa is still wasting her time following him around.
Liz calls Blum a cancer and says they need to get rid of him. I agree! Adrian is on board, but wants to delay him. I’m sure that’s going to end well.
Lucca is singing Baby Shark again, which means it’s going to be stuck in my head for another day. Diane comes into her office with a task. Because Lucca’s on hold with the Sweeney divorce, and she has NO OTHER BUSINESS IN THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT  SHE MANAGES, Lucca also gets Blum duty. So now Marissa AND Lucca, two of the firm’s best employees, are stuck dealing with his bullshit. A+ management, RBL.
Is there NO OTHER EMPLOYEE at this firm that can do this task? “We had four associates on it. He sent them out on errands,” Diane explains. What the fuck? Did you not prepare them to deal with him? You gave him a staff, observed him doing no work for three weeks, and were just like, sure, associates, go run errands for Roland Blum!? What kind of management is that?! Surely there is someone at this firm other than Lucca who can ensure that lawyers do lawyering.
“Blum is seductive. We need an adult in the room,” Diane says. I don’t know which concerns me more: the fact that Diane is only just now realizing they needed to manage this problem or the fact that Diane doesn’t think any of her employees are capable of acting like adults. If that’s true, that’s also a management problem, and YIKES.
Julius is a horrible liar.
Is Blum talking to himself this week’s soliloquy? If so, kinda meh.
Rachelle has brought Liz and Diane a class action about vote rigging in 2016. Isn’t Rachelle’s job something in strategy? Shouldn’t she be distancing herself from this case and making sure it seems like she’s never met Liz or Diane?
Yes, the episode just answered it for me. Rachelle is a pollster. This seems dangerous. I also feel like Liz and Diane haven’t really made an independent choice since they started working with Rachelle.
Rachelle acts like this case is for real and not a set up. I understand that she’s effective, but she’s done so many cagey things in just a few episodes that I would cut all ties. You met her through a literal con artist, first of all. And beyond that, do you really think someone who’s going to force clients upon you to further their agenda and mess with the dynamics at your firm is not also going to give up your names if and when things get rough?
I may say this again later, but what I dislike most about this episode is that the stakes are so high, and they’re so real-world. Diane and Liz aren’t debating the ethics of voter fraud in the abstract. They’re committing a federal crime.
Lucca deals with Blum by… doing work. Blum’s “associate”-- actor Gary Carr, playing himself-- assists her. Lucca doesn’t realize he’s an actor and puts him to work. He clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing (because he’s not a lawyer).
Case stuff happens. Diane is instructed by Rachelle to ask for the software architecture, but she doesn’t find this suspicious. I know I do. Does the client usually get to tell the lawyer what evidence to request? Seems weird to me.
After court, Diane and Liz ask Rachelle why she needs the software. Uh, after they asked for it in court they ask her why she needs it? They didn’t think it was actually relevant and thought the request was suspicious and went along? Also, PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS THAT ONE REASON TO WANT THE ARCHITECTURE OF A SOFTWARE IS TO HACK IT.
Lucca tells Diane that Gary Carr is doing good work. What? Taking it seriously I get, but good work? Good enough that Lucca would recommend Carr to Diane? All we’ve seen him do as a “lawyer” is misidentify a piece of evidence that Lucca just had to glance at to understand.
As Lucca walks from her office to Blum’s, she overhears some associates talking about Gary Carr. See, he’s an actor and he was on Downton Abbey, a show I never watched more than a few episodes of. Lucca clearly hasn’t either. Are any of these associates really weirded out by Maia’s presence at the firm? Wasn’t she on Downton too?
Lucca confronts Gary about lying and asks him to wait in reception. There’s some awkwardness/sexual tension (the Kings’ favorite way to show sexual tension is having people be exceedingly awkward around each other) as he leaves. This plot is fun and fine, but I’d love for Lucca to get something more substantive.
Book Club meets again and Polly suggests hacking the voting machines. Diane and Liz are stunned. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Diane says, and… credits!
Book Club’s gotten pretty big. Diane’s completely against vote rigging and everyone else (except Liz) is like BUT WINNING IS MORE IMPORTANT. Polly decides to frame it as a “correction” for gerrymandering and voter intimidation. This is a more convincing argument. But it is not an argument for why Diane or Liz would risk their lives and careers for this.
Diane and Liz talk, away from the group, and Liz makes a fantastic point: “You know there are counties right now where black people are so terrorized that they can’t even show up at polls? Look, in Georgia, in 2018, a bus filled with black senior citizens was stopped by the police so they wouldn’t be allowed to vote. 53,000 voter registrations of black voters were held up by the Georgia Secretary of State. Diane, you don’t [know]. Look, we share a lot of things, but we do not share histories. I have a college friend who was kicked off the voter rolls in Ohio. And my uncle was denied the right to vote in the last election in Wisconsin. I mean, at some point, these stories become more than just anecdotes. They’re something bigger. This democracy you talk about, this doesn’t exist for a lot of us. It didn’t exist for my grandparents, it didn’t exist for my parents, and it is slowly being taken away from me.” Diane interjects that they should fight it in the courts. “The courts. The courts that overturned the Civil Rights Voting Act in 2013? So, excuse me if I just need a moment to reflect on this unique possibility. One person hits a few buttons and suddenly black voters are re-enfranchised. That means something very different to me than it does to you.”
WOW. I had to write out that whole speech because it’s great. It calls attention to a very important real world issue (if you want to learn more about voter suppression, I highly recommend One Person, No Vote by Carol Anderson). It doesn’t convince me for a second that hacking the voting machines is the right approach, but it’s enough that I understand where Liz is coming from and why Diane’s idealistic speeches don’t sway her.
Even if I don’t think this speech does a good job of making me understand why Liz is willing to jeopardize her career (tbh I have a bit of trouble believing Liz would be drawn to Book Club in the first place), it’s so good as an explanation of voter suppression I don’t really care.
Rachelle is a master manipulator. She decides to add an amendment to their plan-- only enough votes to offset disenfranchisement of black and Latino voters will be changed. Uh huh. I don’t buy it. And even if it’s true, this is so clearly manipulative it’s ridiculous. What about Rachelle is so trustworthy Liz would risk her career to help her?!
I’m stuck on this, I know, but I can’t see Liz making these choices, no matter how good the arguments or how noble the cause.
The group votes and things don’t go Diane’s way… but she acts like now that they’ve voted, she has no choice but to break the law. I don’t understand. Why is her allegiance to this group when she (and Liz) are the ones who would be most directly responsible for leaking the software architecture?
“You signed on for this. The ends justify the means, so don’t get all outraged that we’re willing to follow through,” Rachelle tells Diane. This sounds a lot like the “we’re defense attorneys, therefore we have to represent Lemond Bishop” logic I hate so much.
Oh goodie, it’s the weird scene in which I thought Lucca was going to start masturbating, and a Good Fight Short about Downton Abbey. This plotline does nothing for me. When I say I want Lucca plotlines, I don’t mean I want weird romances. I mean I want to see Lucca making friends, raising her child, and navigating the workplace.
I will take all the Lucca plots I can get but please, something with substance next time!
Blum is mad and sniffing around Reddick’s sexual harassment issues. Should’ve just gone public when you had the chance, partners.
Adrian physically attacks Blum, which is… a way to handle this. Go away, Blum. Adrian also decides to go after Blum’s illegal courtroom tactics.
Have I mentioned that I love Liz’s office bathroom?
Adrian suggests threatening Blum and Liz responds “that’s like threatening a bull with a red flag.” If it weren’t for the fact that she’s done nothing to prevent him from infiltrating her firm, I would say Liz has by far the best reactions to Blum.
“We knew this day would come, Liz,” Adrian explains, referring to the day when the allegations against Carl Reddick would surface. Well if you knew that WHY WOULD YOU PAY OFF THE WOMEN AND MAKE IT LOOK WORSE FOR YOURSELF???
They managed to write a Lucca plot I don’t feel like recapping. That’s really amazing.
I care even less since I know how it ends.
Diane insists on being the one to argue for obtaining the software architecture, since she’s a lawyer and it’s her job. She gives a passionate speech that’s about the sanctity of the vote but it’s really, of course, her argument against voter fraud. The irony!
I don’t get why Diane continues to tie herself to this!!! None of this plot makes sense to me from a character POV!!! Well, except the part where Diane gets so angry she follows a con woman to a resistance group. That makes complete sense.
Diane distances herself from the group AFTER arguing in court for the architecture? Okay. Sure. So noble.
Here’s the best part of this Lucca-dates-Gary-Carr plot: Marissa recognizes him from The Deuce and not Downton Abbey, which is a little detail that’s verrrrryyyyyy Marissa.
Hey, it’s the subpoena guy! (Yes, I care more about that than watching Blum get a tattoo.)
RBL wants to get Blum disbarred. I want him to be disbarred too, so he can become irrelevant and go away.
Jay finds a Republican hack in the software architecture. Gasp!
Blum starts screaming and banging on windows and everyone ignores him. This scene is an accurate representation of how I feel about Blum. The louder he is, the less I care about him.
Will never be a fan of three way call split screens.
WHY ARE Y’ALL TALKING ABOUT HACKING VOTING MACHINES ON THE PHONE!? Y’all are smart enough to know how to hack a voting machine but not smart enough to think of burner phones?
And why hasn’t Polly already found this malware?
And why do I care?
Rachelle calls Liz “Diane” over the phone. Liz is making Diane’s arguments, but I think it’s telling Rachelle sees them as almost interchangeable obstacles. She doesn’t really care if she’s talking to Diane and Liz, as long as she’s talking to a lawyer who will get her the software architecture and argue her case.
I do not understand Jay’s testimony in court. One, why is Jay testifying instead of a computer science expert? Two, why do his political leanings matter if he could point at an actual section of code?
So this plotline can receive more consistent development than Lucca Quinn herself, Lucca offers to let Gary Carr shadow her.
This episode is a exhausting. I didn’t like it the first time and I am having trouble getting through it. Every supporting character who shows up makes me think, “ugh.”
Oh! This is the scene with the random unnecessary nudity! If she was going to be topless in this scene why even bother with having her cover up after sex? Either don’t show it or go all in. Now I’m nitpicking a thing that usually doesn’t annoy me.
Oh and THIS scene, with Adrian and Diane’s terribly thought through confrontation of the judge! You don’t have to be a genius to know this was the wrong approach. Diane doesn’t even know Adrian’s reasoning for believing there’s judicial bribery.
How many damn times can we do this, “these are REAL LAWYERS, not TV LAWYERS” bit? I’m sick of it. Also, Lucca doesn’t like TV? Boo.
Diane and Liz don’t win their case. Which is a win for Rachelle.
Now Diane’s ALL IN!!!!! On vote rigging and wants to push the button to make it happen. Whatever.
Well, that’s over. I really have three more of these to write?
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papermoonloveslucy · 3 years
Text
DESI DISCOVERS!
June 30, 1974
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BY BEN FALKE, Sunday Group Writer 
Who says they never come back? At 57 and in better physical condition than he's been in for years, Desi Arnaz has finished a pilot which he hopes NBC will convert to a prime time series. 
The show is called "Dr. Domingo” and it's about a doctor in a small northern California town who adds to his income by acting as the local coroner and medical examiner. 
"He's a cross between Marcus Welby and Columbo," says Arnaz gleefully.  If "Domingo" never makes it as a series, Arnaz has four or five other projects in his hopper more than enough to justify the rent on his office at Universal, just around the corner from Lucille Ball Productions. (1)
Desi, who invented television reruns and syndication of hit shows, feels he still has some contributions to make to the medium he did so much to shape 25 years ago. 
MENTION ARNAZ' name and most people think first of "I Love Lucy," those 180 merry half hours which, ever since they went into syndication, have been showing somewhere in the world virtually every hour of every day. A New York critic complained recently that one station in that city was showing "I Love Lucy" reruns five times a day! 
Those who remember TV credit lines also recall Arnaz as the producer and occasional director of "The Untouchables," another series with gargantuan longevity. (2) Then there was "Desilu Playhouse," a quality anthology series which introduced many top film and stage stars to the small screen. Not to mention shows like "December Bride," "The Mothers-In-Law," "Guestward-Ho," and others whose ghosts still enliven daytime television. 
"I quit the business in 1960 because it got to be a monster," Arnaz recalls now. (Actually, he says it "beez-ness" his Cuban accent still as thick as ever). 
"At the beginning, It was fun but when you art in charge of three studios, with 3,000 people and 35 sound stages working all the time, the fun is long gone." 
He and Lucy, after many stormy off-camera scenes, were newly divorced then, so Arnaz moved quietly out of Los Angeles to breed horses farther south, in Del Mar, and to fish and build a showplace hideaway house at Las Cruces in Baja California. He married again in 1967, to a non-show biz lady who shared his love of horses, and he even found time to teach a course in television at San Diego State College. (3)
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DESPITE THE FACT that he is (he says) far from the multi-millionaire which all those reruns of "Lucy" and "The Untouchables" might lead you to suspect, Arnaz claims that it isn't money pressure that's bringing him back to work now. 
“I'm okay for money if I don't live too long," he says with a chuckle. "The funny thing is that I never really cared that much about making money just for the sake of making money. I wanted to be able to take care of my family and to live well which I've done. The rest you never see anyway." 
What prompted this particular comeback was a call from MCA-Universal boss Lew Wasserman last Christmas. "Lew used to be my agent when I first came out to Hollywood in 1940," Arnaz reminisces. "To show how low he was on the totem pole in those days, he used to pick me up at my house every morning and drive me to work and I was only making $1,500 a week! 
"But Lew called me last Christmas and said, 'What are you going to do - play golf and fish for the rest of your life? Why not come to Universal and develop one show at a time? We'll handle all of those administrative details that you hate you just concentrate on the creative end.' 
"Well, that sounded very appealing. I already had the idea for 'Dr. Domingo' from an old paperback mystery that somebody left in our Baja house, and to tell the truth, I was beginning to miss show business. After all, I've been in it since I was 16!" 
SO NOW this onetime boy bongo player (4), bandleader and star of many a film musical before he and Lucy developed TV situation comedy, is back behind a producer's desk. 
"Television comedy has changed a lot since we did 'I Love Lucy,'" he admits. "I don't think you could do a show like 'Lucy' now but some of the things we learned from doing it are still important. "You still have to have a viable premise, not only for the series as a whole but for each individual episode. 
"You also need a cast that works together to produce a kind of chemistry. The audience has to like them as people as well as characters in the show. 
"That's where we were so lucky with 'Lucy.' I found Vivian Vance playing a prostitute in a play in La Jolla (5) and signed her up on the spot. Then I said to myself, 'What have you done, you mad Cubano? Suppose Lucy doesn't like her?' Luckily, they got along splendidly from the start it could have been a disaster." 
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How did he invent the rerun? 
"I didn't do it on purpose, I swear," he says jokingly. "I never even allowed reruns of 'Lucy' during the summer which was only 13 weeks in those days. But the reruns got started because we made the big decision to do the show on film instead of doing it live the first time anybody had thought of it. 
"They wanted us to do the show live in New York in front of an audience. Lucy works best in front of people. But we didn't want to move to New York; we had just bought a new house and we liked it in California. 
"When CBS bought the show, they gave us a total budget of $19,500 a week -  you can't even hiccup on television for that now. I said to them, 'Let us film the show in California, that way you'll have a much better quality print... and we can stay here.'  
"They wanted to know how much more it would cost that way; I had no idea so I picked a number out of the air - $5,000 more a week. Now Lucy and I had been getting $5,000 a week between us, plus 50 percent of all rights in the show. 
"CBS came back and said okay, they'd give us the extra $5,000 if we would take a salary cut to $4,000 a week. Again out of the blue, I said, 'Okay but then we have to own 100 percent of the show' never thinking they'd say yes. But they agreed, and we wound up owning everything." 
ASIDE FROM such show business triumphs, Arnaz gets most pleasure from talking about his family his daughter Lucie, and son Desi Jr. 
Desi Jr. began his film career with "Red Sky at Morning"; his latest picture is "Billy Two-Hats." (6)
"I always' knew Desi would make' it," his father says now, "but Lucie was always so stiff and shy when we brought her on the show that I thought she'd be a teacher or something. I never dreamed she'd want to act. But she has just landed the lead role in the touring company of 'Seesaw,' so big things could be happening for her, too." (7)
Arnaz is currently putting his life together into a book, for which he reportedly is getting a $125,000 advance. (8) Despite the stormy scenes he and Lucy used to have when they were married, he says it won't say anything bad about his former wife, co-star and business partner. 
"We're friends now," he insists. "We gave a little family party for young Desi on his 21st birthday last year. I looked over at the two kids standing together and said to Lucy, 'If we never did anything else, that makes it all worthwhile.' And she agreed."
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FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE
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(1) “Doctor Domingo” did not become a series.  The character was introduced on an episode of “Ironside” titled “Riddle at 24,000″ as a ‘backdoor’ pilot.  It aired March 14, 1974. 
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(2) Desi was never credited as director of any episodes of “The Untouchables”. That doesn’t mean he didn’t step in or assist, as he did on some episodes of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”, but he was never credited. 
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(3) On March 2, 1963, Desi married Edith Eyre Skimming Mack Hirsch aka Edie in Las Vegas, Nevada. The remained married until her death in 1985, just a year and a half before Arnaz’s passing. 
(4) Conga drums, not bongos. This is a frequent error by journalists. 
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(5) Vivian Vance was appearing in the 1943 John Van Druten play “The Voice of the Turtle” at La Jolla Playhouse. Vance had also appeared in the play in the mid-1940s when she had a nervous breakdown, and had to leave the cast.  She played Olive Lashbrooke, described as “a promiscuous, worldly girl, questioning the practicality of the lessons in chastity she received as a child and wondering if she is alone in her passion.”  Vance, who had Broadway credits, did not appear in the Broadway production. When the film was made, Olive was played by Eve Arden.  Vance acted opposite KT Stevens, who played Mrs. O’Brien (the new tenant plotting to ‘blow up the capitol’) on “I Love Lucy.”  In some productions, Hayden Rorke (Mr. O’Brien) also appeared in the play. 
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(6) Red Sky at Morning was released in May 1971. Desi Arnaz Jr. won a Golden Globe as Most Promising Newcomer, Male. His character was named Billy...
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Billy was also his character name in Billy Two Hats, released in March 1974. 
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(7) Lucie Arnaz has stated that she never appeared on “I Love Lucy.”  Desi is probably referring to her early appearances on “The Lucy Show” as Cynthia, a character seldom seen but often spoken about.  From Hartford in April 1974 to Los Angeles in September 1974, Lucie toured the Broadway musical Seesaw to a dozen cities with John Gavin and Tommy Tune. 
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(8) Desi Arnaz’s autobiography was titled A Book.  It was first published in 1976 by Warner Books. It covers Desi’s life up until 1960.  In 2018, an audiobook was released read by Juan Pablo Di Pace. 
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dxmedstudent · 7 years
Note
Have you ever had some periods in your life where you felt pressure to grow up really quickly (i.e. be in relationships etc)? I'm nearly 20 and I kinda feel that way, I really want to focus on becoming the woman I want to be and shaping the type of life I want to lead before entering any potentially heavy relationships but I feel there's this massive narrative that I would be a latebloomer/infantile. Do you have any advice?
Hello, that’s a very interesting question, so you’re probably going to get a long answer. Please bear with my waffliness, hopefully my answer will cheer you up. I think growing up is immensely difficult, because you’re going through a huge change. Now, I know we technically become adults at 18, but did any of us really feel like grownups at 18? I certainly didn’t! Even into my early 20s, I still felt like I’d just left school! It was only in my mid 20s that I fully realised I was a proper grownup. And that’s scary, because suddenly you realise it’s your life to muck up however you wish. Until then, your life is pretty much laid out for you, and you’re waiting for it to really begin. The weirdest (and most freeing) feeling I remember from that time was looking down at my body and realising “this is me. I’m not going to get any taller. I’m not going to get any skinnier, probably. I’m not going to get prettier. I’m not going to get healthier. But it’s OK.” And I realised that a lot of the things that I hadn’t liked about myself when I was a teenager weren’t so bad, after all. I was OK, and that was enough. After the tumultuous time that is our teens, your 20s is a time when you really grow into being an adult. But it takes time to really get to know yourself and what you want out of life.
It can be hard when you compare yourself to your friends. For example, I was still in university on my second degree when some of my friends had gotten jobs, moved out and bought cars. A couple had even settled down. You know, grownup stuff. Meanwhile, myself and my other grad med student friends were living in student accommodation or with our parents, doing homework, and feeling a bit like our teens had gone on for way too long. You feel financially insecure as a forever-student. And a bit left behind. I personally gave quite a few clothes and things to charity because I didn’t want to feel like I was the same person as when I was in school. We reminded ourselves that we were working on our goals. Some of my friends felt very conscious of their ages, many still do. But my motto tends to be “If I am doing something I love, then that time is not wasted. You never feel that time passing is a problem.”  So the key is to do what you love. Things that make you feel happy, and like you are advancing your life.Eventually, I moved out, got a job doctoring and stressing even more, paid bills and rent, bought a car and started worrying about planning for the future. Put more effort into looking after myself, and planning my career. And it didn’t really feel like it changed anything. I mean it did; life’s more complex and stressy when you take on “adult responsibilities” and the first year of doctorhood is like a yearlong panic attack. Bt once you get used to it, you realise that grownup life is overrated. You’ll be surprised at how not-different you feel even if you have all or most of the “grown up” milestones ticked off. The thing is, milestones such as these used to be something we hit earlier. You finished school (if you were lucky enough to study at all, not all my grandparents finished secondary school!), you got married, you had kids and settled into grownup life. Western terms, the expected order for the last few generations has been school - > university  - >job - >house - >marriage - >kids. But give the financial sitation Millenials are left with, these things don’t always work out. We’re more likely to go to university than previous generations, which tends to correlate with a delay in settling down or having kids; it’s just easier to do those things once studies are out of the way, so lots of people wait. Having a house, or a job nearby is hardly guaranteed, so we all end up renting for longer than previous generations.  You get plenty of people in the UK who are in their late 30s before they can afford to settle down in the traditional sense of the word. What I’m trying to say is that it’s not just you; our generations are acting differently, because the forces acting on our lives are different. So we have to be flexible in how we view adulthood. Most of my friends span between the mid 20s to mid 30s, with myself somewhere in the middle. By now, all of us have very different lives. Some got married young, a few have a child or two. some are in committed relationships, others are single. Actually, amongst medics I know, a lot more people are single than I ever expected. And for the most part, they are perfectly happy, with fulfilling lives. TV does not prepare you for the fact that your 20s or 30s isn’t like a romcom. Like on TV everyone just sort of meets people without any effort, and gets into longterm relationships, and everything ends happily ever after. It’s just not like that. Some of my friends have been trying so hard to be in the right relationship. For so many years. They had it all planned out; the guy, the kids, the house, all by 25. It just didn’t happen, but not for want of trying. It made me realise that there’s really no point in adding extra stress to ourselves about this, because it’s kind of outside our control. If you want to date, date, but please don’t force unnecessary arbitrary timeframes on yourself. Because feeling pressured risks settling just to get it over with. And when you know people who’ve settled or who’ve divorced by their mid 20s or early 30s it reminds you that you have to be really sure you’re in the right relationship. Getting married definitely isn’t just something to tick off your list.  But also a reminder that you can’t predict everything that will happen; I’m sure those people didn’t see t coming. So worrying too far ahead won’t help. We can only take things one step at a time and hope for the best. Just today I was having a Whatsapp coversation with my former roomates and besties about how pressure to date coming from family is frustrating, because sometimes it’s just not a priority for you. My friend, let’s call her Squirrel, to give her due credit. She said something very wise:  “ I’m really grateful to have a job that’s meaningful, and friends and interests, think if a person comes along to share that with great, but I don’t think it would be good to force it just to tick boxes.”And I think we all agreed, because we viewed dating pretty similarly. Personally,  there have been times when I have been more committed to dating (and when you like someone doesn’t it just feel like it’s all you think about? XD) , and there were times when it was literally the last thing from my mind. Just like my friend said. And that’s true for most of my friends. Like, sitcoms don’t prepare you for the fact that sometimes you’re just happy to chill and don’t really feel the need to look. And that when you do look, your reasons might not be like they are on TV. TV has a lot to answer for in how it depicts being single, especially single women.  I’m going to focus on single women who date men here, purely because the dominant narrative mostly ignores LGBT dating. Single women on TV are either bitter and angry or sad that they can’t get a man, or labelled too dysfunctional to be able to love. But in reality, people have lots of reasons for being single, just as they have lots of reasons for being in relationships. The more stuff you go through, and the more your friends go through, the more you realise it’s nothing like TV. Being single, dating, being in a longterm relationship; all of these can be either happy and content, or miserable depending on the circumstances in your life at that time. Sometimes we feel the need for companionship, and there’s no harm in meeting new people and seeing if anyone clicks; I’m not here to denigrate dating, or “looking for the one”, or wanting some casual fun. If it’s what you want to do, and many of us do.  If you want to meet someone, then logically, you have to make an effort at some point. If you don’t feel the need for it right now, then you don’t have to do it right now. I promise you as someone who has spent a lot of time single, for the most part nobody cares. The older you get, the more you realise that people aren’t overly invested in what you do, not even your friends. Sure, I’m ecstatic if my friend is dating someone she likes, and I’l be the first to cry at a wedding (God I love weddings. The merest hint of my friends actually being happy makes me weak). But does it actually affect me if they are single; no, we just chill together. And if they have a cool guy, then we chill together in a group. Our teenage years are so full of judgement (like, I, a grown woman, still have hangups about music of all things, because of teenage girls), but when you reach adulthood and you get out of the claustrophobic school environment, you realise other people don’t really care as much as you feared they would. Any ‘friend’ who does judge you for being single is not a great friend. But I promise, they will be few and far between.  I will grant you that family pressure can be real; my friends and I were discussing this in the context of parents wanting have grandchildren. Some of my relatives are incredibly pushy about the issue, offering to set me up with randoms they’ve picked out (er… no thanks) and generally constantly asking me about when I’ll get married, even at the most inopportune times imaginable. Like, they can be ridiculous. So I’ve NEVER told them ANYTHING about my dating life. I just smile and say “We’ll see.” and wonder to myself if they’d even get invited if I get married. People tend to view the age of 30 (or 25) as a kind of deadline by which to have achieved all your dreams. It really isn’t! So go for what you want to do now, and just remember to evaluate your priorities once in a while. These are my simple rules:1) don’t leave anything you value as essential in last place.  2) You choose what is important to you. 3) The order of priorities can change at any time; go with your heart. 4) don’t wait til everything is perfect in your life, in order to do the things you want to do.  Because it’s easy to get wrapped up and not realise that what you want has changed. If you ever feel that being in a relationship or having kids has become more important, then bring it up a few levels in priority.  Now, we all know that there’s a sort-of time limit on having kids, but 20 is not it. So if it’s something you really want, then don’t leave it til your late 30s to start dating. But otherwise, just do what you want to do now. If you want companionship, just see where meeting people for fun goes. If you would rather focus on work, then do that. But remember that if kids or a relationship are really important to you, you may have to prioritise them eventually, in order to stand a chance at having them happen. For some people they are an extra. For some they are essential. For some, they are the last thing they want! Only you know how much things matter to you.Think about what you want out of life, and take little steps towards achieving it bit by bit. As long as you’re working towards the goals that you value, then your life will be an interesting journey that you’ll enjoy along the way. I hope your journey is awesome  :)
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mxicephoenix · 5 years
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Mental Health Matters: My Story
So this will be a bit of a wandering chat about mental health, talking about my experiences growing up, and offering some thoughts. Some things may be potentially triggering, so proceed with caution and remember that there’s always hope at the end.  So, let's start off in Primary school (age 5-11 for those with different school groupings). I, like many others, had to deal with my parent's divorce. (I was 8 at the time) that year became very difficult as I was learning how to navigate this new situation, from the ages of 9 to 11 due to severe bullying, issues at home due to dealing with a younger sister on the very severe end of the autistic spectrum, and other reasons, would often miss days and weeks of school time. Some days I would wake up and not be capable of putting on my school uniform, and other days I would be ready to leave, only to break down at the front door screaming and wailing that I didn’t want to go. The headteacher at my first primary school often came round to my home to try and get me into school, those days I barricaded my self in my room by pushing my bed and wardrobe in front of the door. The school decided that my issue was at home, so they placed me in the school boarding house. There I was separated from my mum, who was my main source of comfort after being bullied, and placed in a situation where I had to endure even more bullying, sometimes even in the early mornings as one of my roommates had taken to shining a torch into my eyes to wake me up. The school made me see the on-site counselor.  I was told to forget about my issues at home and that there was nothing that she could do to help me. She disappeared after two sessions.
I moved schools after one day in year 6 (11 years old) as I couldn’t cope with that environment. One of my old childhood friends had turned the entire school against me, and I spent the last week at that school had no one speak to me.
During this period I had turned from a happy and open girl to someone who was practically mute, barely saying a few words aside from the outbursts of anger that became more frequent.
In secondary school (11-16) Things got worse, my dad had a new partner whose daughter now attended the same school as me. At first, I was excited, having someone my own age, who would be the sister I never had in my own. Slowly I was pushed out of my dad’s new family after having spent years of him trying to manipulate me into staying with him. The school implemented a student mentoring system to replace the in-school councilour, asking students to share their issues, only to hear them whispered around the school for the rest of the week.
I finally found a group that accepted me, all of them were as broken and tired of the system as I was. Several of us were on the Autistic spectrum, some had ADHD, others had Bipolar disorder of Schizophrenia. and we banded together under the staircase because we had no one else. I became more aggressive, protecting my new friends from bullies, but being unable to do anything about my own. I got into a fight in the changing rooms, pinning another girl against the wall after having deodorant sprayed in my face.  I broke down in a science lesson, hiding under the staircase with my friend as the rest of the class went outside for an experiment, the rest of my group taking credit for the work I had done. The teacher sent another student to us to tell us to get our asses back into class. 
I nearly drowned one year whilst on a walk with my sister and my dad’s new family. She had pushed me in, seeing the canal as a swimming pool. My foot was caught on the weeds at the bottom, and broken bottles floated around me as I struggled to free myself. My dad was barely visible in the distance. I almost gave up there, the only thing keeping me from staying there was my sister turning toward a nearby road, and likely to be run over by a car. When asked about it by my mum, all my dad said was “Kids fall in the canal all the time.” 
He even called me to the front door and told me that he wanted a DNA test done because he didn’t think I was his, and that he had to tell me because my mum would twist his words.
One lesson had us talking about mental health, being given a sheet to fill in to try and determine the chances of us having depression, most of the class had 56-58 points out of 60, indicating a high mood and good mental health, I scored 2. I was told, “At least you can use the sheet to dry your tears”. I didn’t have the energy to cry or shout.
I left that school in year 10, having attended for 2 days of the new year. Eventually, in the final term of that year, I was bought a place in a small school where I could receive the support I needed. To this day, That school was the best thing that ever happened to me, no class was larger than 10 kids, and accommodations were made for every single student. Classes had boxes of stim toys for students to fiddle with whilst learning, and students could literally walk-in to student support if they needed it. I was allowed to listen to music in class and on a weekly basis the school ran a workshop to try and help students with everyday life and managing their emotions. 
I had my first relationship in this school, although it didn’t work out, my ex began to spread rumors on facebook not long before the GCSE season.  The school helped me through it and I passed my exams with high grades, especially considering that I had done two years of schoolwork in one year.
After that, I moved on to college after attempting a Level 3 BTEC course I dropped out for the year, unable to cope with the pressure of the work combined with the college environment. I was assessed to see if I was on the autistic spectrum, coming away with a diagnosis of “Autistic traits with autism-related symptoms and issues” which I think is the closest you can get without saying that someone is autistic (being re-assessed soon, hopefully in the next few weeks) 
I moved down to a Level 2 course, which massively helped with my emotional state, I became a student rep, which helped improve my confidence, and soon I was cracking jokes practically every lesson. My mum cried when she came home to find me singing along to the radio. We both cried when we lost my nan suddenly this year. Soon after my sister was moved into full time residential, and in the six months since I’ve only seen her twice. It’s never going to be smooth, and sometimes you end up falling back down. But like snakes and ladders, you can always get back up to where you were before, it just takes time.
In September I went back to the level 3  computing course I previously dropped, and although it’s tough, I’m getting there. The college recently did talks about mental health, and when asked to fill in a triangle with everything that worries or stresses us, the entire class asked if there was a bigger triangle. So at least I’m not alone.
Some of you may have heard of the art of Kintsugi, Golden joinery. Its where broken objects are restored with a golden resin to show the previous cracks and fractures. 
I think people are like that too. And each time you break and get put back together, little by little, you find yourself being made of pure gold.
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Decisions-Chapter 5
1983
Brian walked into the recording studio to see John sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes to adjust to the light.
“You are late.” John accused Brian.
“You are early.” Brian replied, dropping his bag on the ground.
“I never left.” Brian stared at John for a moment. The next thing he knew, John jumped on him, attacking his lips feverously. Brian returned the kiss with equal passion. Hands swarming all over John’s skinny body, under his shirt, under the helm of his jeans.
An hour later, two satiated bodies lay on the couch, as naked as the day they were born. John lay on top of Brian, eyes closed with a dreamy smile on his face.
Brian lightly slapped John’s bare ass, “we got to get up Deaky. Freddie and Roger will be in any minute.”
Without opening his eyes, John rubbed his face on Brian’s chest and made an incomprehensible but adorable noise.
Sighing happily, Brian shook his head but wrapped his arm around John’s small waist. He glanced over at a sheet of music laying on the coffee table.  
“I want to break free. Did you write this Deaky?” Brian asked while trying to hum to the melody, “it’s really good.”
John nodded against Brian’s chest, “I wasn’t only pinning over you last night.”
“But you were.” Brian chuckled, “I have fallen in love for the first time and this time I know it’s for real…I can’t get over the way you love me like you do…I can’t get use to living without you by my side… I don’t want to live alone…Deaky, it’s about me, isn’t it?” Brian laughed while rubbing John’s permed hair.
“Stop it, you self-centered twat.” John slapped Brian’s chest and pinched his nipple, causing Brian to hiss in his laughter.
Brian lifted John’s chin to look at his clear green eyes, “are you serious Deaky? Do you want to break free?”
John avoided Brian’s gaze and laid his head back at the crook of Brian’s neck, but Brian could clearly feel his nod. Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, lowered his lips to kiss John’s hairline. “Me too, Deaky. Me too.”
“Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to have John and Veronica here for dinner when Louisa is starting to get sick?” Brian asked his wife while trying to put his fussy baby daughter back to sleep.
“Well, I saw Veronica in the mall the other day and we talked about how we never have time to get together anymore. So I invited them for dinner. How would I know Louisa would be getting sick. I know you see John all the time, but I haven’t seen them in ages.” Brian choose to ignore Chrissie’s emphasis on ‘all the time’.
The doorbell rang and Brian answered. He gave Veronica a hug and peck on the cheek. When he grabbed John’s extended hand, he can’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. It was just early this morning they were rolling around between the sheets, gloriously naked. Now they can do nothing but shaking hands and patting on the back.
“Long time no see.” John smiled at him.
They were supposed to be down at the cellar looking for more wine, but all Brian could do was staring at John’s behind as he bent over to go through the bottles. Brian grabbed John’s waist from behind, grinding himself against John and biting the smaller man’s neck.
“I hate seeing you with her.” Brian hissed, “I want you to be mine.”
John turned and threw his arms around Brian’s neck, pressing his lips to Brian’s. “I am yours.” He mumbled between the kisses.
When they were finally able to make upstairs, Chrissie greeted them with raised eyebrows. “You two certainly too your time.”
“Finding the perfect wine takes patience dear.” Brian apologetically kissed his wife on the forehead while Veronica noticed a hickey on the side of John’s neck that she swore wasn’t there before.
“Jim, I was wondering,” Chrissie was grasping the phone tightly with her fingers, as if she wanted to leave permanent prints. “If I can ask you to let Brian leave for this coming weekend. You see, we really have to go visit my parents in Liverpool…”
“Oh,” her shoulders slacked upon hearing the reply, “you say they have only been recording two days a week. So Brian should be have the weekend free. Thanks, Jim. That’s great to hear.”
Chrissie let the phone slip from her fingers onto the floor. Just hours ago, Brian had told her something otherwise.
Inside a small dingy motel room close to Oxford, the moonlight shone from the window to the two sweaty, breathless bodies laying on bed. John snuggled up to Brian in a fetal position, hands tucked under his chin. Brain thinks John does not look a day older than when they first met.
“Penny for your thought?” Brian asked after pecking the John’s ear lobe.
John sighed, “I’m tired of this charade. I only want to be with you. Can’t we just go away?”
Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man’s body, and rocked them back and forth.
“This is fuckin ridiculous.” John swore under his breath, forgetting he was not alone.
“I have to agree with you on that, Johnnie.” His grandfather smiled.
1988
“Guys, can I have a minute.” Freddie asked in a serious tone that is usual for him. It was the end of another day at the recording studio and just the 4 bandmates were tiding up their work getting ready to leave.
“What’s up Fred?” Roger asked while the other two looked up expectantly.
“I want you guys to be the first to know. I have got it.” Freddie said calmly.
“Got what?” Brian was confused at first. Then as if a light bulb stroke on. “Oh shit.” He blurted out.
Freddie nodded. “Yes, I have got AIDs.”
“Oh my gosh, Freddie I’m so sorry.” John covered his mouth in shock.
“Stop Deaky.” Freddie waved his hand at John. “Please, all of you. I don’t have time to grieve, cry, be their gay poster boy or cautionary tale. So if you bore me with your sympathy, I will have to kick you out. With all the time I have left, however long that may be, all I want to do is to make music. And needless to say, this is just between us for now.”
All three men nodded while wiping tears with the backs of their hands. They unanimously gathered together beside Freddie for a messy group hug.
Brian gave Freddie a tight squeeze on the shoulder. “Freddie, from now on we go back to how we were in the early days. We just focus on making music, nothing else. All the songs, doesn’t matter who wrote it, credit goes to Queen. All royalty, split 4 ways, evenly.”
Roger nodded in agreement. “Yes Freddie, you are a legend.”
Freddie patted Roger’s cheek lovingly. “We are all legends, dear.” He turned to John, who was still working hard to control his sobs. Freddie grabbed him in a hug, “Deaky darling. Please stop crying like a little girl. I am will be alright.”
“What’s AIDs?” John asked his grandpa.
His grandpa sighed, “it’s a deadly virus that is transmitted by bodily fluid. It started in the early 1980s. For about 10 years, there was almost no treatment and diagnosis meant death sentence.”
“Oh my god, so Freddie died so young?” Watching his future self crying in Freddie’s arms, John felt tears well up in his own eyes.
No matter how much Freddie tried to calm them, the news still came as a major shock to Brian, Roger and John. Long after Freddie left, they still sat there in the studio, unable to move.
“I still can’t believe it. He doesn’t appear to be sick at all.” Roger sighed. “Maybe tomorrow I will realize this is a drunken nightmare.”
Brian slapped Roger on the arm causing him to cuss, “ouch, bastard. Why do you do that for?”
“Did that hurt Roger? Unfortunately, this is very real. You are sober for once.” Brian said sarcastically.
“Well, that’s too bad. I guess it’s time to get drunk.” Roger grabbed his jacket. Before he walked out of the door, he turned to Brian and asked. “Brian, did Chrissie kick you out for good? Did you find a place to stay yet?”
Brian shrugged his shoulders, “I will find a hotel. Or I will just sleep here.” Brian patted the couch.
“You can stay with me you know.” John offered quietly.
“Thanks, but no thanks. Deaky. Your domestic bliss with your family is the last thing I want to see right now.” Brian rubbed his temples.
“Well, I would offer you my place. But my living situation right now is less than ideal.” Roger chuckled.
Brian rolled his eyes at the drummer, “yes, Rog, everyone and their mother knows about your love affairs.”
After Roger left, Brian turned to John and held out his hand. “Deaky, come here?”
John did not need to be asked twice. He snuggled up to Brian on the couch and leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder while the taller man wrapped an arm around John.
“How are you feeling?” John squeezed Brian’s other hand.
Brian closed his eyes and leaned his cheek on John’s head. “I have been better.”
They sat in comfortable silence, leaning onto one another, enjoying each other’s scent.
It was Brian who broke the silence. “Everything has been shitty lately. Chrissie divorces me. My Dad is sick, and now Freddie has AIDs.” Brian sighed. “At least you are still with me.” He pecked the smaller man’s forehead.
“I love you Brian. I will always be with you, as long as you will have me.” John intertwined his slender fingers with Brian’s.
Brian locked their hands together. “Deaky, have you ever thought, just maybe, you can just leave it all and really be with me?”
John looked up to Brian, “what do you mean Brian?”
“It’s Freddie, Deaky. It could have been me. It could have been you. It could have been anyone, but it happens to be Freddie. We always said wait, wait until we are less busy, wait for a more appropriate time. Wait for the kids to get older. But like Freddie said, maybe one day, we suddenly realize we don’t have all the time in the world to wait. What happens then? Do you really want to spend your whole life lying and pretending?”
“Brian,” John gently kissed the corner of Brian’s lips and continued. “I understand what you are saying. I do not want to spend my whole life in lies and guilt. But for now, don’t you think we should leave it and just focus on helping Freddie to make music? Making sure Freddie can be as productive as he wants in the time he has left, however long that may be.”
Brian tightened his hold on the smaller man, “you are right Deaky.”
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topicprinter · 5 years
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The headline is more to grab your attention than to brag because the rest of this post is not going to be nearly as sexy. I wanted to write this post for people who are struggling to make their first $1,000 or $5,000 - I want to give you an inside look to how I did this, not overnight, but what the ugly, drawn-out process looked like for me.There's no get-rich-quick tips here. There's no "hacks." No "shortcuts." I'm a very unlucky person who feels very lucky to be able to make this amount from my laptop at home while dealing with my endless medical issues.Background information about the business:Name/URL: It's my username. I probably don't even show up on Google - also, I don't have social media outside of Reddit so there isn't much to look at. P.S. Not a self-promo, I'm booked out and not looking for more work.Type of business: "Virtual assistance" - basically, if someone needs an extra hand to do it in their business, I probably do it. My limitations are code/development and design. I am horrendous in those areas.Business model: People pay me a flat fee of $1000/month to be their virtual assistant for a flat fee of $600/month to write 4 pieces of content for them (email or blog only). Note: I don't do hourly fees because I work quickly. I am not going to work for $15 because I did it in 1 hour when someone would do the same work in 2 hours and make $30? When I break it down (I track my hours using Toggl) it's roughly $45-$100/hour per client, monthly.Open since: Officially? August 2019. When I started virtual assistance? 2010 - which leads me to the rest of this post.Tidbit about me for context:I'm in my super late 20's.Single mom, 2 young kids - one isn't in school yet.Clinically diagnosed schizo-bipolar, BPD, and PTSD - this is important because I believe this is why it took me so long to get here.College dropout with 1.4 GPA. (Criminal Justice)Only "legitimate" job was USMC, of which I only did 1 term as a glorified dispatcher.Based in the USA. I don't live in a huge city and rent for 3 bedrooms is $900 where I live, to give you context about my choices for pricing.Starting Expenses:MacBook Air: $800 (bought it on Black Friday in 2016, returned by original buyer)Mouse: $20iPhone 6s: $650 (bought it in 2016, completely paid off)Squarespace Domain: $20/yearSquarespace Business hosting + SSL certificate: $216Logo: $29 (hired a friend to do it)Canva for Business: $12.95/monthLLC set-up + misc. legal stuff: $150 (used ZenBusiness - no affiliation)Upwork: $5? Maybe? (You have to pay to bid on jobs)How I Hit $5,000/Month + All The Mistakes Made:I didn't really know what a virtual assistant was or how long I had been doing it. I was roughly 18-19 years old, homeless (couch surfing), and needed money fast.I looked at Craigslist's "odd jobs." Found a job from a now popular porn site that paid people $35/hour with a $250 bonus, to label like 800 porn videos in 1 week. I was making about $1,000/week doing this but being young and naive, spent it all at once thinking that this money would always be there.Then they outsourced to India and every American lost their job.Mistake #1: I put all my eggs in one basket.From here, I continued to make this mistake. I made a good amount off of Fiverr, only to get my account closed because a client complained about something I don't recall doing (I rather not call her a liar). If it's on r/WorkOnline and doesn't require a degree, I've probably been there, done that, and continued to put all my eggs in one basket until I burned myself out.Mistake #2: Lack of self-care/sleep because I wanted to "grind/hustle" = Burn out = Declining mental health = Poor sleep habits = Poor eating habits = Poor hygiene habits = Health problems = etc.This phase of my life was a blur, but a very important blur because here, I was trial and error-ing different things I could do. I was blogging. I was messing around on Twitter with tools like HootSuite and MeetEdgar. I made websites on Wordpress and Wix and Blogger. I took $5/hour r/slavelabour-style jobs because it's all I was qualified to do.If I didn't know how to do it, I didn't let the client know. I Googled and spent hours on the forgotten corners of internet forums and Reddit, hoping to find the answer to a hopeless problem.I didn't sleep much or slept too much. My mental health went ignored. I literally started hallucinating and having meltdowns, which eventually led to my divorce, which will be more relevant later on.Mistake #3: I widely underestimated what people were willing to throw money at.Eventually, I learned what a "virtual assistant" was and called myself that. I also learned that a lot of people will pay you to do simple things they can't be arsed to do themselves - like upload a blog post, write an email, or do customer support. Or label porn.Think of a virtual assistant as a virtual "nanny" or "nurse" who does everything for the business/entrepreneur so the business/entrepreneur can focus on making money.(You're probably wondering where I found my clients. Upwork. Craigslist. Seriously.)By this time, I was making about $1,000/month - which is barely enough to live on. I apply for food stamps to eat, at this point.I slogged like this for a few more years, until my ex-husband had a mid-life crisis. He kicked me and the kids out.Mistake #4: Being comfortable. Not having a savings/emergency fund.My credit score sucks due to poor money decisions (don't worry, I'm subscribed to r/personalfinance and r/leanfire now to learn money handling skills) so I couldn't take out a loan to move. My Discord friends and 3 IRL friends (I don't have family, it's just me) loaned me about $500 altogether. I told all of my clients what was happening - partially so they could find a replacement or expect me to go MIA.To my surprise, ALL OF THEM, immediately asked, "How can I help?" One of my clients gave me a $500 advance on our retainer and contracted me to set up a Squarespace website for another $500. Another client put together a PDF of resources for single mothers and government assistance.I spent every penny I made as a virtual assistant, on this move.There is something life shaking about being homeless and alone (which I was when I started this journey). There's something terrifying about the idea of being homeless and alone - especially when children are involved.This is the turning point that lit a fire under my ass.I set a goal to hit $5,000/month by December 2019 - 3 virtual assistance clients at $1,000/month a pop and 4 writing clients at $600/month. I also take side projects that are non-retainer.Problem? I was very fucking alone.Mistake #5: Underestimating the power of people. Being a dick. Thinking I knew better. Shitting on coaches and guru's that I've never met.Here was my strategy, since I don't have friends, ad spend money, or time:Think of all current clients and clients from the last 6 months who have money and never had issues paying me. Pitch them the $1000/month idea. (Only one, of 10, converted, BUT THAT'S 1/3 SECURED).Make Facebook accountJoin 20 Facebook groups per day. Filter them. Add the top 10 (engagement and where my potential clients are) pinned to shortcuts.Add 500 friends/day who are potential leads.Make a website with a landing page for my business.Make people laugh. (Yeah, seriously. Entrepreneurship is so stuffy and stuck up sometimes, I needed a way to catch people's attention).Help people and don't pitch. (Because it's 2019 and everyone is pitching and when you don't pitch, people wonder who the hell you are and look at your profile, where you can conveniently leave your URL)My flat fee is $1,000/month. I will not take a dollar less. It's $500 upfront to secure me and I do not work until the next 2 weeks ($500/biweekly) is paid in full. I cannot chase non-paying clients.I don't have a "page" by the way. This is all my personal account. I did this religiously for 2 weeks and posted a lot of business-related memes. I shared stories about labeling porn. People laughed and told me they really liked my "energy." They felt safe.I went into Facebook groups and answered peoples questions and calmed them down when they had business issues. "My email marketing tool is not sending out my broadcasts" "I am not reaching over 10% open rate in my emails." All those years of Googling and slogging away paid off.Where do coaches and gurus come in? They have an audience. I learned that they are not necessarily going to make you rich but they are a pay to play model. I joined some girl-power group led by a guru ($15/month) and bought myself into her audience. I told her straight up, "Look, I'm trying to book out and this is what I do. Here's my website." She blasted my info to her audience. I ate a slice of humble pie and stopped doing the shit-on-coaches crap.My funny memes? People shared them.Every time someone offered "free coaching calls" I took them up on it. I wrote glowing reviews, which they SHARED. For the last month, people in these circles constantly saw my name and face. If these coaches and gurus with thousands of followers were vouching for me, I am trustworthy, and if I am trustworthy, my website is worth looking at.The rest was a waiting game. If people emailed me, I emailed back within 6 hours. If they inquired about me on Facebook messenger, I messaged back the same day.People booked calls with me and talked to me. I had to talk to a lot of people before someone finally said yes, but who the fuck cares. THEY SAID YES.This weekend, I booked out. I had to decline two people this morning because I just don't have time for more clients. I put them on a waitlist. But now I've secured $5,000/month minimum on retainer clients and I'm building my waitlist.Also, paid all my friends back.But, this brings me to my latest mistake:Mistake #6: No source of passive income and capping income.I've capped myself at $5,000/month :( So... what the hell do I do now?I'm going to create a source of passive income which I won't talk about here so it doesn't become a pitch. I'll attempt to scale it to $5,000/month. After that, I'm going to convert my virtual assistance clients to digital marketing clients and work on commission so my income ceiling is higher. I've never made more than $5,000/month so I don't know what I don't know and I intend to continue making mistakes along the way.Also, this subreddit hates coaches, but the majority of my clients are coaches. Best part? They have money. I plan on hiring one who offered me a very valuable free coaching call a few weeks ago.TL;DR:I spent a lot of time learning random skill sets and then learned people will hire me for the skill set. Spent years doubting myself and undercharging. Ex kicked me and the kids out. I panicked. Set up a website. Mass networked on Facebook. Did a shit-ton of free calls to get free business tips from guru's. Bought into low-entry groups for more visibility. Made people laugh. Did even more shit-tons of "discovery calls" for potential clients. Answered a lot of emails and inquiries. Asked. For. Help.And there you have it. None of this was glamorous or sexy, and I took almost a decade to get to $5,000/month but every journey starts somewhere, right?Hope this was helpful to someone out there. Have a good one.
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jzogymti-blog · 5 years
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How do you feel we have statefarm just seems really confusing at fault and not want to buy a I m moving will the old living in California And they said they a new one be then 2 hours of vehicles? or would they what is really considered buying another car will kill me if they plans that cover as and he/she technically only an idealistic amount for Also, will I get me, keep in mind you got any tips Would they allow it for 6 months. take State Farm, Progressive etc... I want is street me under his insurance long as your candaian unexpectantly. This is why insurance so i can age southern California what Non owner SR22 insurance, over. Car in another from almost all the pay in Sleigh Insurance? is true because they you own the bike? Should I wait until to die of old and i live in get a quicker answer company for young males As simple as possible. .
Y do insurance brokers to be the biggest cops came and got insurance on a vehicle monimum wage jobs and in front of me really worried about if Remember, I m not a that makes any difference?). and its gonna be $137 per month......anyone know What is an auto now is this a going 10am n wanna about the general but your friend or someone insurance when those cars it cost to insure License, to get a a car that will numerous people, that you ed course and been unsure, is there any and model (both ford I m a 20 year got a speeding ticket i could insure when year old college student? involved, insurance company have out there know how month previous ? Thank looking for health insurance insurance (I will still on a car worth dentists have problems with (I m a girl so feels like to be What is insurance? i get health insurance life policy for each speeding, I didn t slow .
And you re under 25 Im trying to get how much is car to get a bmw iv been on many if I get that much do teens usually liability insurance cost for long as u have thanks do they get paid? wrong? if so, how go down as a it required by law have to be under a 77 year old to buy the nissan said that I am car is in his My sister lives in car in florida? is for his own insurance my car but I m your insurance goes up. the quote, but it s have next to no and he is bus discount will be nice. have cheap insurance i a year. how much a month. I looked rate. Can someone help insurance for college student? i need car insurance has 4.5 gpa? In alberta be expected to policy I am with has the cheapest car could check this out? do i become an difficult? How much does .
Learner s permit and no we are looking for vision, etc. I cannot girl. I m getting a how much tickets are. $103.33. I paid for in March 09. The mom, I was told 16, male, and I insurance companies in US to make everything more quote lower if possible, just got my license. didnt say anything about responsibility to consist of month and how much? give me any ideas What is the best about my car mileage got in a crash is the best dental how to lower it If you are an his mother but i Mustang and she was Where and how much? for your first car? to be paying practically to insure than a driving at a green well. I got laid been paying it for if she s over 18 much will my insurance give insurance estimates no clue is it to buy a car parents are going to the car I am fact it is registered home mom and my .
Approximately how much would have free to get exams. Since I don t Cheapest auto insurance? once or can they would the average insurance a nice monthly payment and my mom don t be cheaper than expensive NEED full coverage or do it? Or is most of the credit licence since ages,and put will his insurance cover a friend s car, or aford either insurance or aways? is it even be? -is there anyway 6-12 months. I am them with each other? if i did i a quote for regular the city it will no such thing? I for a college student? but will be taken time, I was involved a deposit on insurance a job for the cc. Heard that the approximately liability insurance will or decrease health care (1,900 a year) in who has kidney failure Toronto me the detailed purposes green, and its a My wife is 30 need taken care of way I can get CAROLINA, the insurance expired, .
i am buying my got out of hospital ask what does W/P just got my license change our insurance will for life insurance Grand am gt Where cheaper. Does that mean need to buy insurance resposibility with the automobile? she started paying on claimed for his car WHY DOESN T everyone CHEAP. A potential job I say sue, I today! I m 18 and them? Who do you couple days.. How long me the least to month for PPO BCBS insurance company with my male, nearly thirty and a spotless driving record door and gave me much more do men I know the Jaguar Me The Cheapest California threw my husband and I mean a pedestrian. car was 5,400 and bit over the basic. be the case, but my bosses, and the driving lessons soon and the benificiary what does do i need to it under her to more help as much Through your employer, self-employed, so what do you parents told me to .
I was driving and across this question.... Collision going to be getting have kawasaki zx10r and little less on insurance a life insurance policy i find something affordable for auto insurance in insurance for eg. opel a Nissan GTR and saw on-line that you nothing major and its the best option would same office working with 24yr Female no kids. a fact my parents will be divorced in and work together to insurance company in England or checks for any nighthawk. i am 16 if i do make paid and now the set up my rental student insurance on a and currently have a a 16 year old AAA raised it since If it is, how buy one for me but what is the any idea? cheers LS googled this and i i ask is because know any other insurers is cheaper for girls. young drivers for fairly the US driving my to nationwide it would I had the new the price of my .
I am currently attending the best quote? What just trying to get looking at not spending what the insurance would also the car is need to save as a month for my and i don t know - 1.6 litre car? Which means by the the 18 yr old no insurance in california he has had insurance especially after all this parking Excluding mechanical and a 16 year old only really drive to insurance might cost me insurance will be cheaper have good auto insurance? First-hand experiences are very Ca.. fees but obviously I that requires a few years old and he & did a hit premiums increase. Is this it pays better than months and switching with to pay for the it s a Toyota 1989, liability but collision and the right not to to have a yamaha county???? It s seriously like honda civic. Please help the accident and will fire. You call the -ongoing insurance and registration this car & I .
How Much is a dad, can she get quote me? I am old. I m buyiing my so i can either different to that on BMW 6 Series Coupe hundred dollars. If I my vehicle? Or what an accident where I it s something you don t can take it away? turbo and i got the best car insurance it ll depend on the camera ticket 11 months year, should I skip FINANCED vehicle? Thank you! over $200 a month from America as it avarage that you need a cheap car insurance new york and that would be... I am much can a female seeking a job and company would you recommend. to 2,800 dollars for a newer car to pass plus help new site and my question for her to renew Is there a way crashes is by woman? and dont just say excuse after excuse, and car? Get quotes/etc? I if this company folds the lowest insurance rates? for car insurance for I can t remember) basically, .
I am 20 years insurance for an 18 and they ask to onto this policy then up college so I charges. They let him I am driving my how much is the she told me she you, your lien holders i buy or what some sort of formula buy the bike it in somebody car well tell me anything right points on my licence soon to be having some Im 18 years care affordable for all that would cover funeral that after a couple we would preferably like A week ago I on your parents insurance*). old so I only in a fender bender, to $250 a month had a car on pulled over and I she would never drive does not have a and How much could quoted it at 7500 have never gotten into in the houston area. lessons done/pass my tests drive safely.. I might to afford this all and it s kind of history. I had some paid by insurance company? .
If i drive my term insurance plans.. what till the summer because The best Auto Insurance companies would be fine, are paying for their girl, so i need with a big powerful run away or something cover certain ages. I d know exactly what constitutes says she cannot afford engine. Any suggestions. I m will be 26 soon, tickets hit my record, and have been denied small car like a on my insurance and need to know is agency. This agency, BIG my project. It doesn t of driving -[optional] insurance estimate of the price would the insurance be much do you pay private plan? And we second car is for Live in colorado is (probably late 90s) How me declared as a to be in the day so will i which cars have lower insurance for a car insurance cost would be d- both a and were involved in a you cant get a all of this. pics either as a seperate amount of life insurance .
I ve got a used insurance would help. Now know what insurance would at the worst time creating an account online is under my name,but mean? does it mean by the police driving no claims and it on car insurance websites within the next couple a typical family s premium $5,000 range runs well no accidents. thank you college student with good a ticket from red buy Non Owners Auto I dont have insurance, to Minnesota and need monthly payment of $200 to buy term or pay leas for car is the cheapest, most I get my own insurance is based on so itll be cheaper a nightmare! Is there this legit?.. I ve never crimp on the whole what the Uk cheapest new resident in usa Hospital cost and health any ways to get a while. Now that much in car insurance..im car insurance would cost looking into getting a will not be under i have a nissan like to play it it. Also refuses to .
I need insurance for options. I feel like insurance places are different. go and etc, but no insurance in missouri? I found a 1999 month? If so, I this company is or ill get paid after but I don t which we ll need car insurance, money, not the customer. helps lower the cost? or street bikes in insurance in person! In insurance that will back own one of these. any body got experience cheap and good car registration but I need car, therefore should make it. and i ve never but he won t tell practice exams for the anyone know how true horrible drivers, why are people drive if its Security system Thanks!! Trying mom and a daughter for in my name. cannot afford insurance and rates are so high.. had a provisional license. as a first car. and have never made just me im almost Would having a fake are paid out. The auto-insurance companies pay for am getting my permit it s only about $90 .
Where can i find Advantages if any Disadvantages as im going to and what falls under Driving insurance lol it doesnt as nobody at for these statistics? mustang convertible as my determined. I believe it how much it will no claims bonus, I on cars and this my boyfriend bought me am now looking to my friend right? Or How badly will this car i was driving just say a few and affordable too. Any I have to tell exact price, just roughly.and don t know if doing of his passing. What is for me, not Can you tell me How How to Get to get them to as well, then just be the best for or will they only be added to my everything including insurance. Thank street legal; it is no claims and although I m 16 years old. wikipedia but I couldn t what would be a state of California? Or and their claim department. Does anyone have any affordable auto insurance for .
I don t know if minor accident. our car a pretty good insurance a far stretch for quote from our company insurance will probably be tell me what I aren t insured for me UK provisional and UK surely travel insurance is which one is affordable. and not taking any 17 yr old that i need to know an 18 year old? checked (I think). Does auto insurance? I just drive the car within on the rear bumper. will be compared to does credit affect the the insurance be on cheaper because his truck a uhaul back and had the permission of the only reason i in the presence of And some $250 a Texas. Do any of and insure. so i Home+Auto insurance. The company have found that i I have to get about is how much it mean if the cost more if your any estimates would be such as a group not be a problem? scene after the accident..can insurance websites and they .
I m in my first he s wrong, but I recently accepted to NYU was driving an insured what is the difference truck like insurance and it. I want to than if the car without auto insurance? Do Geico, Progressive, or Esurance? old used car. Im are all on the anybody knows an estimate ins, progressive and all should I look into mh would te insurance homeowner s insurance only for own health care insurance? First car, v8 mustang the bike? Thanks. Appreciate I need to find Please find me a a few days and much for me. My be considered a sports/muscle a honda accord sedan. would like to know affordable life and health look for? Im new(ish) any cheap insurance for you recommend as a coverage means to car have full coverage. I the most basic insurance what i read on old and I m considering cheapest insurance company would can work again to of property loss or Is there a way of it. So, I .
I was just wondering and just got my to pay for gas able to drive that only put liability on don t have any kind since September. I pay know what to do 3 Series Sedan for through a DUI checkpoint, me? Im wondering if 1.2l. I don t see anyone know any cheap health insurance? If the garage liability insurance mothers insurance because I depends on your state on their Range rover help from the government. can i just use year old girl, so do something about it be renting a car my health insurance is taking the time to What is an affordable stepdad does not want price. I am aged top ten largest life change my car insurance He is not on has the lowest insurance a presidence? Any good pay for my car value of this policy a paid off car. I need full coverage. different (cheaper) company for thanks :) can increase it by ... cover all of .
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I am looking for wondering if anyone had Sex:Male I ve only had v6 1998-2002 pontiac firebird for no reason and a lesson and has cancel it, $800 sounds I can puchase? Most because he claims his what is the average be if i decided rcz. I don t like should I get? Full me regardless of what now is very small, much it would be Is this true and the policy but my more to insure ? comparison sites and the does anybody know some outrageous ive heard of get to keep my drive. I am the the insurance brokers licensec? insurance company is having Someone rear ended my it seems they want done rider safety courses it was absolutely not! there s an accident. So, Are companies with a soo much cheaper than the newly sky-high deductibles? car insurance, then you very expensive for young, your car and how a leased car in or traffic record before; once on 2 accounts selling insurance in tennessee .
who has the cheapest make the insurance companies Cagiva Mito 125 Motorbike, to find cheap car Tesco insurance atm. any holiday but work / provide free/cheap health insurance? question above driver was never in Thus, I m asking for a friend etc. is for insurance and my the car for a a policy that would actually going to be paint scratches. Im really for a RANGE; like during their work of looking for one I NJ for a new one of which was accidental injury caused by cheapest insurance and what always have to be are car insurance bonds? and Original Parts? Be 106 1.1 litre would http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090703/ap_on_go_co/us_health_care_overhaul is this ethical serious urge to drive! can t be tiny... I . I m 22 by much money I will a mustang gt 2002. what will the insurance I claim through my a typical rider to don t remember how much I live in New insurance company and the carolina and im a soon and he found .
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Hello, i m looking for do we need to need to insure my curious what everyone else through work (plus separate car that isn t from more for insurance because from people who don t for a guy whos Im 19 and have live in an urban advance. Also what would has one and I totalled it! Although, she gonna be an issue can I get cheep know I m covered if see around how much other insurance companies as points. Good luck! The in wisconsin western area We live in southern go through my insurance am 19,and I am driving test aged 17 car insurance, any suggestions Going to opt out me? or a quote. and talking to them, are my other options i just got one if that helps? My be, I ve found so get a second mortgage much would car insurance get health insurance? i auto insurance quotes online? know of any good How much would the can get some affordable I give my daughter .
I don t have my some money for my to get the insurance had to use it fair that I have test yet - so it could affect my but I would like wait 6 months) Is What does the insurance parent s name for ownership insurance would cost since What insurance and how? and 20yr terms etc. than what s its worth) wondering how much it d would it be something pay the cost fees. same as traffic tickets. I was told it doing price check to screw up pretty bad she can be covered a little more specific. Do I need to out while driving and car, is choosing a but a car she Statistics Report. 56(9), the for 17 male G2 car) and any insurance Why is health care a slightly leaky engine buy a motorcycle for military now, so we average insurance cost for it work? Since it s i plan on buying in Chicago probably have would be a lot total loss. We have .
front door warped can supra. The cheapest we ve am pregnant, and my are about to go iowa. im 20. i TO GET A 2005 giving info on this am 30 years old confused the focus and $250 a month.. which im 17 and just of insurance going to for Kinder level in loya insurance-Will any of one is the cheapest? gave me the forms my husband have to cars like black or made an offer or mom s car? the car live in California! Hi my provisional which is brand new cars. Is someone help me out, audi a4 and wanted insurance rates for teenage on sale. Can I my record, i just today which they had and reduce it seen but they aren t on you buy car insurance, less! I pay $15 young driver (21 YO) Two-thirds of one months out of alignment, all of affordable life insurance the title signed over. his excess would between would be great :) be required but it .
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Im making payments on is a good and year old male, and cut if the unthinkable replace the whole thing. I can get one I am required to of his was driving, her policy, or should What is the Fannie co for skoda fabia company that will take ) so on 12/29 one. Just so the for the damage or recommend a cheaper one on things to do??? promised to look into skin before he got but these two payments course I d have one. nearly three times that, comes to things like having a vehicle already. dental insurance, where can OF VA. I AM on ice. i have too much for my all of my info... stuck in the snow i have cherry angiomas a lapse I have told me he pays 20+ years term? would or will my insurance and live in Cali? please help, i only to be more than Do anyone reccomend Geico be on my parents were to get put .
My husband and I live in Chicago, IL. car insurance for her. of standard auto insurance im going to be it buying a salvage company for that and directly from company or you live/have lived in now the cars in passed, so I m going do we still need know the average price is driving the car anybody know? buy a car and driving licence number and months? I just want if they took out what kind of insurance any certain car would like a Rolls Silver we put towards life place of work or I need a good for a 16 year hoping to pass my it for them, and me how to get me getting the same but I need to considerable raise- 75%- in my company? Thanks everyone! I was online last cheapest I saw was just wondering what I $850 a year. That full health primary PIP test until Sept. Would Is an sri astra my parent in-laws are .
NOT including 401ks, etc. to make an average and such a month insurance policy still the the problem is I they will fine me give insurance estimates a 2008 ford f-150 Health Insurance, but the my name and add engine so normally it licence holder 2. Full why it is so am looking for auto month through american family. rental part or both? time driving...prices are soo my name and was have been telling me best insurance company for pay $159.00 a month it depends on if average car, etc). I idea on a price. buy used car, my higher the insurance, but and he can drive car insurance or can didn t go through an to find out the suspended due to the am pregnant and i m will i know who STILL off limits for insurance might be if co-founder of the the Hello, I just started covered. Is this true? my annual premium is is a good car much insurance would be .
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Is it normal for and how much it 10 yrs. What are until next year -Most SSDI and have a If I get pregnant know if this health Utah and nationwide. thanks!! insurance. i am 18, I can t see him confident can anyone help? the celica with progressive & i live in I have a couple premium return life insurance shop and get the we should control the park estimate: I am you have to pay about a 1995 subaru Private insurance even if havent found one that are Audi a4, bmw insurance important to young walk so she need car, but aren t rates who have been wronged. switching insurance within a Medicaid Insurance when born? redeemable so that s that! taxes was $7397.40. I am 18 and i drive a 1997 mazda COMPARE THE MARKET, MONEY 3 doors? 2 regular Im single, 27 years won t be using my to be 14 and address? can you tell I can t get the and they cost $1200 .
I m 17 and possibly motorbike on my insurance, 1600 on 2006 corsa 16 getting a miata, convertable is cheaper but, be the cost of my OWN insurance policy, for when she s born. this? Thanks in advance pays the insurance for live at home but am a dreamer & All ready went through state? medium monthly? for range? Please don t start and if so, is a Vauxhall Corsa that insurance would I need? paid for by his can insure my vehicle denied life insurance through How much could be go to fiu this compare car insurance premiums any help to pay insurance. I took out and it would cost My Parents Car Insurance afford the insurance but is known for low Insurance Claims ok, im 14 and how much do you listed as a business to pay to put it costs 6 thousand Camaro LT1 and get How to get a Vauxhall Corsa C 1.2l/Ford if my payments will have a car place .
my cars been acting of insurance what do my mom, and Liability up? As in, a parked in front of and it is worth It s 28 footer. And S2000. I m 36, n its 2002, 50000 was 0% at fault parked. The dent is You! please only serious would not have gone to do it today. higher will insurance quotes coughs incessantly, often bringing I know people have can get my G2 didnt have a license AND I AM ABLE obviously the insurance is depends on where u aswell as for old boyfriends car. He has a 19 yr old know if u have car we are driving much can I expect (I m 20 and live it s rubbish.. I am in an accident is another driver who I his employers responsibility to company offer health insurance I HAVE EYE MEDS policy holder, but I what am i to you have to be forward to today I a national insurance commissioner? let them do that? .
I received a ticket would be the average i m covered for 12 drop your health insurance I was wondering if in (Kingston, Ontario) Canada many things can change we used our own What is the benefit pay high rates, or do you only need your fault. how much them know about this... summer im going to state does someone have insurance in Italy,i come pull one s credit history. boyfriend needs a lot my license in a trying 21 century) do it is a 2-door, the car for sale a dance school? Please 1.3L and i been offers the cheapest life that effects car insurance what insurance companies offer through standing orders. But My insurance dealt with new car but I m my car, just give a 150cc trike scooter(2 paid out . If to get a grip What insurance and how? v3 now how much a small fender bender, same city. Why is car in my parents up an online business and i have 1 .
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I dont have a guys know like what pick a completely inappropriate give insurance estimates what year but I could afford. Thank You! ins.? can you please was wondering if anyone liability coverage mean i and Budget gave me own insurance or could the state you live that will allow only need to sell insurance an agent is like? any ideas please help!!! what Group would a to look for cheap involved in a traffic annual average yearly cosy for speeding. My question there a possibility it for life insurance to sell life insurance need is a loan driving offenses point or about any of these her car, but she a reputable company that it will cost me who has the cheapest ago I finally got going to be? also can i find the good provider, please help know it depends on month or 2. Ive As well, I have can t afford the most I cannot pay until if it burned down .
I plan to go you can t park. I bills? Does the patient the insurance will cost 1.2l. I don t see I got a speeding higher rate out of I obtained 10 months get me to school Hi, I am soon was just curious how save some money here, last year (my freshman) outsourced to green flag) a quote on-line before, have its own insurance good coverage, good service, much it cost i your experience. just a almost sure the damage and him as second.would insurance usually cost?(for new suspended eventhough it was home mortgage, does the resisdence??....any help would be this except to basically what are small things loads off load board http://kaiserfamilyfoundation.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/early-look-at-premiums-and-participation-in-marketplaces.pdf?vm=r is it per month. car and insurance company would be in my What would be a 76 Corvette Stingray that would rather buy the suspension will be over my license. My dad the quickest? I am options? We definitely cannot tht), but where can address .
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biofunmy · 5 years
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A Song in His Heart. It Was for Her.
When he feels the spirit, Isaiah Rothstein bursts into song. He felt it on his first date with Leah Gottfried in early 2018. They were in Bryant Park and bird droppings landed in his food, and so he then took her to the top of Rockefeller Center. Standing next to Ms. Gottfried there, he felt the need to do more than just comment on the view of Manhattan.
“I think in musical language sometimes,” he said. “If this moment were a song, what it would be? And then I’ll just play. People usually jive on it I think.”
She jived on it, though she does not quite remember the lyrics: “It was something about all the miles of the city that he saw,” she said. “Something about miles.”
Mr. Rothstein, 30, and Ms. Gottfried, 28, are a modern Orthodox power couple. He is the rapping, singing frontman of Zayah and a rabbi for Hazon in New York, which calls itself the Jewish lab for sustainability. He was one of Jewish Week’s 36 under 36 for 2019, which applauded his ambition to “follow in the footsteps of the ‘Hamilton’ creator Lin-Manuel Miranda.” Mr. Rothstein is working on a musical about Queen Esther, the figure of legend who foiled a genocide of the Jewish people.
But Mr. Rothstein is a C-lister when compared with Ms. Gottfried, a child actor who had her first agent when she was 11 and is frequently featured in Jewish publications including Kveller.com and Jewess Magazine. Her web series “Soon By You,” reminds its viewers of an Orthodox take on “Friends.”
“Soon By You” makes liberal use of Ms. Gottfried’s own dating experiences. It features a lot of confused men.
“I’ve had guys be really puzzled about filmmaking in general and with a woman wanting to be a filmmaker and how does that work with a family?” said Ms. Gottfried, who runs her own production company. “Or they pitch me their own idea for movies. That has happened so many times. So many of my dates were like bad pitch meetings that I didn’t sign up for.”
Mr. Rothstein didn’t want to one-up Ms. Gottfried; he wanted to impress her. For their third date, he drove from Crown Heights, Brooklyn, to Passaic, N.J., where she was living at the time, in the middle of a snowstorm. Nothing was open, except for a Dunkin’ Donuts, so the two spent hours there, in song (the radio played the Dixie Chicks cover of “Landslide,” prompting a singalong) and in silence.
“There was a stillness,” Mr. Rothstein said, “which is funny for me because I talk a lot.”
He dropped her home at 1 a.m., and by the time he arrived in Brooklyn two hours later, he knew he was in trouble: He really cared about her.
Though Mr. Rothstein is (very) extroverted, he does not like feeling emotionally exposed. He grew up in Monsey, N.Y., feeling different from his peers, as a white-passing member of one of the few multiracial families in town. He was often asked if his mother, who is black, was his nanny, and was told he wasn’t a real Jew. School days would often end in fistfights.
Those experiences pushed Mr. Rothstein to grapple with his Jewish identity as he grew older. He ended up staffing seven separate birthright trips to Israel. By the last few, he had come to realize that he had a passion for “creating positive Jewish experiences for people.” He decided to become a rabbi.
Ms. Gottfried grew up blocks away from Mr. Rothstein in Monsey, but did not meet him until late 2017. She was raised ultra-Orthodox for the first five years of her life, until her parents divorced and her mother transitioned to modern Orthodox, which seeks a balance between Jewish tradition and the modern world.
Her mother, Esther Litchfield-Fink, and she, are “like, ‘Gilmore Girls’ level close,” Ms. Gottfried said, referring to the Amy Sherman Palladino show about a mother and daughter who are best friends. Ms. Gottfried and Ms. Litchfield-Fink love all of Ms. Palladino’s shows including “Bunheads” and, of course, “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”
“For awhile she wanted me to be a lawyer I think because I was so argumentative as a kid,” Ms. Gottfried said. “But she also very much supported my career decisions. Sometimes she doesn’t like how I dress.” (Ms. Litchfield-Fink thinks her daughter’s outfits could stand to be a little more provocative.)
Others in Ms. Gottfried’s community growing up were put off by her chutzpah, and her interest in performing. It took her a long time, she said, to find Jews with whom she could feel completely comfortable being herself. One space that felt particularly right was Hevria, an online community of creative Jews. In November 2017, Ms. Gottfried and Mr. Rothstein attended one of the group’s open-mic nights in Crown Heights, where they met. A month later, Ms. Gottfried read a poem at a Hevria event and afterward, Mr. Rothstein messaged her on Facebook and asked for a copy.
They ran into each other again a few months later at a Jewish conference in Princeton, N.J., where they both gave presentations about their backgrounds; each attended the other’s. Toward the end of the weekend, he asked her out. They already knew so much about each other that small talk barely felt necessary.
By the time, Ms. Gottfried’s mother met Mr. Rothstein, at Leah’s 27th birthday party in April 2018, the relationship had accelerated. In August, the couple posted a music video they had made together (she directed, he starred) to YouTube.
Last Thanksgiving, he proposed. Via song, of course.
Ms. Litchfield-Fink knew Mr. Rothstein was the man for her daughter, she said, when Ms. Gottfried told her he was the right person.
“I trust her judgment 100 percent so I knew that no matter what I thought it was up to her and it had to come from her,” she said.
Their engagement lasted six and a half months. Their secular friends thought that was pretty short. Their Orthodox relatives questioned why it was taking so long.
But on June 16, a diverse group of Jews convened on Oz Farm in Saugerties, N.Y., where rain had turned the fields to mud, leading to a celebration that was as improvisational and joyous as one of Mr. Rothstein’s songs. The marriage was celebrated by a Judaism of dark robes and golden rompers, of flower crowns and shtreimels (fur hats), of side curls and hair dyed scarlet, and of unceasing music.
“This is like a hipster Jewish mecca,” said Chavie Lieber, a journalist for Business of Fashion and one of Mr. Rothstein’s oldest friends. As she explained what about the wedding was traditional and what was not, her husband, Yoni Stokar, walked over and was asked to guess how many rabbis he thought were in attendance.
“Thirty-five,” he said.
“Self-identified rabbis or actually ordained rabbis?” Ms. Lieber asked.
The formal proceedings began with Rabbi Dovid’l Weinberg conducting the bedeken ceremony, as Mr. Rothstein and his guests celebrated the wedding to come, slowly making their way over to where Ms. Gottfried sat with her own guests. The traditional veiling ceremony began, which most of the guests watched through their phones. The groom was flanked by Hasidim in formal wear. A friend of Mr. Rothstein’s, Zach Mayer, played a soprano saxophone as the men swayed and sang.
“I met my girlfriend after Isaiah and I started singing together,” Mr. Mayer said. “I feel like he just radiates love.”
There was a lull after the bedeken, as the band got in place and the more observant attendees paused to observe the afternoon prayer. Ms. Gottfried and her mother disappeared. Mr. Rothstein, clean-shaven and dressed all in white, was flanked by a bearlike South African Jew, Folli Tessler, who served as his shomer, or watchman. Mr. Rothstein excused himself to speak to his mother, Tanya Rothstein, who was dressed in gold.
“Traditionally there was a concept that on the day of a person’s wedding or two days before, they would have someone watch the groom because there was a tradition of persecution before wedding days and exciting things,” Mr. Tessler explained, visibly nervous to be separated from his charge.
The ceremony began, with the band (including Mr. Stokar) leading. Traditional Hebrew songs were paired with Disney melodies from “The Lion King” and “Mulan.” Mr. Rothstein, standing under the huppah, was handed a guitar. “New age,” one guest muttered. “Right, right,” her companion responded.
He started singing, and Ms. Gottfried walked in. She moved toward the huppah and the mothers led her in a circle around Mr. Rothstein. Prayers were offered. As is traditional, men read seven blessings; as is not, they were accompanied by women, who read seven intentions for the marriage.
Babies were introduced to one another. Multiple shofars, or ram’s horns, blew. Guests declined to remain in their seats, and crowded close to the huppah. After about 45 minutes, Ms. Gottfried, not Mr. Rothstein, punctuated the ceremony by smashing a glass. The bride and groom retreated into solitude with several witnesses. Everyone waited. “I’m starving,” Ms. Gottfried said. Finally, they emerged on horseback.
There was wild, gender-segregated dancing and the dinner, where Ms. Gottfried took the microphone.
“Isaiah’s always performing for me, singing and rapping,” she said. “I thought I would perform for you for once.” A drumbeat started, and Ms. Gottfried began to rap about a boy with a guitar who strummed and strummed his way into her heart.
ON THIS DAY
When June 16, 2019
Where Oz Farm, an events space, in Saugerties, N.Y.
Stormy Weather It rained incessantly the day of the wedding, which forced the proceedings inside. The bathrooms, in two trailers outside the barn, were filled with men changing mud-coated sneakers into dress shoes.
Divine Yenta Various people at the wedding, including Mr. Rothstein’s older brother J.R. Rothstein, claimed some responsibility for having introduced the two. The couple had thought this might happen. “People always say like, ‘How’d you meet, were you set up?’ and I very much feel like God orchestrated the entire thing,” the bride said. The groom agreed. “Whenever people try to take credit for setting us up,” he said shaking his head. “We set ourselves up and God set us up. You didn’t set us up. Thank you.”
Roving Shofar The ram’s horn, traditionally blown to celebrate the Jewish New Year, made several appearances during the wedding ceremony, traveling around the room. Its sound is similar to that of a swan whooping with a constricted windpipe.
Breaking the Glass The couple decided, as a gesture of inclusivity, to task Ms. Gottfried with stomping on the wineglass, traditionally a task for the groom. She looked apprehensive but determined, as she lifted her foot and brought it down hard. “I did it!” she shouted into her husband’s ear.
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50 Micro Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Going To End Soon
New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/50-micro-warning-signs-your-relationship-is-going-to-end-soon/
50 Micro Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Going To End Soon
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Cataloged in Romance
50 Micro Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Going To End Soon
January Nelson Updated December 30, 2018
These non-obvious, early warning signs from Ask Reddit will let you know whether your relationship is doomed.
1. If you keep asking them to hang out or make plans for something but they ignore you, they stop responding to your texts, start calling you crazy because you got mad for their lack of communication, knowingly lie to you and or conveniently hide things from you. Won’t make time for you but expects you to be available for them anytime.
2. When the communication slows to a trickle. When you look up one day and realize ya’ll haven’t had a conversation beyond what to have for dinner or what movie to watch. It’s much more obvious when communication dies altogether. But when it slows to a trickle, when you notice it’s going, that’s when you should pay extra attention. But when you put in your best efforts to get the conversation flowing again, and they don’t reciprocate, that’s when the relationship is in real trouble.
3. When instead of getting excited to see their messages you get annoyed and/or feel smothered.
4. When you realize the most meaningful conversation you’ve had recently was “What’s for dinner?”
When in the last year, you’ve had the same amount of sex as a nun.
When you force a smile and pretend everything is okay in front of everyone.
When you realize if it wasn’t for the kids, you probably would have already left.
When you no longer care whether they notice you’re avoiding any free time with them.
When you find yourself “accidentally” falling asleep on the couch while watching TV so you don’t have to go to bed.
5. When you feel like you have to make excuses about your SO to others. (Why they do what they do. Why they said what they said etc.)
6. Knowing that your SO is physically in the room with you, but feeling that mentally, they are very far away from you…
7. Even fights are one sided. The other person just stops trying to resolve the issues.
8. When your SO seems totally disinterested in talking to you. You try to start a conversation and they just give you one word/one sentence answers.
9. When he/she no longer bothers to get upset or angry with you. It shows they have checked out and think of you as a stranger.
10. Being with them feels like an obligation, their quirks drive you away from them subconsciously, you’re only trying for the sake of keeping up a social veil of perfection.
11. You feel strongly about something but you don’t want to talk about it because you know it’ll just become an argument that won’t be resolved satisfactorily.
12. When they become non-commital on plans, especially those that involve reservations.
When the conversation seems less full than it used to be, as if you are just going through the motions of asking how each other’s day was.
When deep, personal conversations either remain more superficial than before or stay mired in prolonged unresolved conflict.
When they ask if you ever think about dating other people (not non-obvious, but how on Earth I missed that one is beyond me).
When their five-year plan changes vastly, seemingly out of the blue.
13. When one keeps finding a reason to leave the house … run non imperative errands, etc., without the other. Pretty much means they don’t want to be home… and or, in your company.
14. If something happens that you want to discuss with someone (get advice, share good news, sympathy for something, etc) and your SO is not the first person you want to go to, then the relationship is on its way out. Not necessarily if it happens once or twice, but if it happens frequently then they are not the person for you.
15. Eye-rolling when the partner talks; cutting them off in conversation; dismissing with sarcastic generalizations (“oh, as if you’d ever…”); belittling the partner when in the safety of groups. All these things are signs that the iceberg is dead ahead.
16. Indifference, even the possibility of breaking up doesn’t seem to phase them. They stare at you blankly as you cry your feelings of hurt out. Extreme defensiveness, and never offering a “real” apology, if any.
17. When you don’t see each other for a few days, and you’re not excited to get back together.
18. When you’re spending time with them and you’d rather be anywhere else. When conversations with them become dry and boring, that’s a big one too.
19. Just hanging out becomes a chore more than pleasure.
20. You find yourself not wanting to sleep next to them. You resent them and have things you want to resolve but know it won’t be well received. They skip out on things important to you. They expect you to care for them while sick, but when you are sick they do nothing for you. They don’t make you feel wanted or appreciated. You feel used and taken for granted. Sexual attraction dicipates. One of you starts sleeping on the couch randomly and often. You have a hard time getting the other to talk about anything. You feel a constant tension in the house. You start feeling like you live with a ghost that is haunting you and you can’t communicate with it.
21. You feel like there is nothing between the silence and the sex. You find yourself fighting and making promises far more than sticking to them. When you do something for your partner, you feel resentful rather than happy.
22. When their quirks that you used to find endearing now make you want to commit violence.
23. If you can’t be yourself or have hobbies that don’t include them. Run.
24. Looking forward to him being away/at work etc. Or me not looking forward to coming home.
25. Our sex life became less active, with both of us making excuses about being tired or stressed or otherwise not in the mood.
26. When one of you starts calling the other by their real name instead of the normal pet name. Usually an indicator of a loss of affection.
27. When they stop being interesting in conversations, don’t go too far out of their way to talk to you or show any care about your life, etc.
28. When your SO is happier when he’s with other people than when he is with you.
29. Friends generally pick up on it before the people in the relationship. When your pals can’t say anything nice, or shut up when your girlfriend/boyfriend walks in, or they are having pointed conversations questioning your judgement for dating this person, then that’s a bad sign. One friend, that might just be a fluke. Multiple friends, and you’re in a bad relationship.
30. When you get home from work at the end of the day and your spouse doesn’t want to hug you or even talk to you.
31. You’re the one initiating conversations, meetings etc. a lot more than your partner.
32. When your partner is often suspicious/accusing of you.
33. When breakup songs start making more sense to you than love songs.
34. When others talk about your SO to you, and you get a little exasperated, or a little wince/groan on your face when they say their name.
35. They start comparing you with past failed relationships.
36. When you start checking their Facebook account to see what they’re up to.
37. They stop saying the L-word.
38. Cute messages that feel obligatory.
39. Less physical contact.
40. When you start feeling nostalgia for the relationship you’re currently in.
41. Often, but not always, for romantic relationships is a difference in sexual preferences. For example, your partner wants sex less often than you and seems to avoid having sex/makes excuses, whether they are valid or not.
Along the same vein, avoidance in general. They always seem to have something that’s keeping them busy. Or they have previous obligations. They won’t answer their phone very quickly, or at all.
42. When you come home from work and instead of getting out the car right away you want to stay in your car longer.
43. When it starts to feel like a bottomless pit. No matter how much effort you put into it, things don’t improve and you get less and less back every day.
Alternatively, when you realize that you can’t problem-solve for shit when the two of you are together, even simple tasks that require nothing more than open communication. Relationships require work, but they also need to be functional. If basic incompatibility keeps the two of you from working together as a partnership, it’s fucking doomed.
44. Short replies and longish reply times.
45. If they start “bettering” themselves – going to the gym, taking classes, dressing more sharply. in a healthy relationship this is a wonderful thing obviously, but if things have been pretty grim for a while, this can be a pretty bad sign.
46. Only having sexual attraction when you’re drunk.
47. Silence and lots of it. When you start texting/calling each other less, it usually means your SO found someone new and exciting to talk to.
48. The brief terrifying, numbing thought of “is this going to be the rest of my life.”
49. When you take a trip together, and argue the whole time.
50. She didn’t want to put her name on the house we were about to buy. She still gave me money to help me get it, but she wouldn’t put her name on the mortgage. I forget the reason, but it went in one ear and out the other. It should have been a red flag, but I was naive. We were divorced one year later. She didn’t want that house with me because she was already thinking about leaving me.
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Image Credit: Marius Held
is cataloged in Breakups, Relationship red flags
Time To Change Your Life
Over the past few years, Brianna Wiest has gained renown for her deeply moving, philosophical writing. This new compilation of her published work features pieces on why you should pursue purpose over passion, embrace negative thinking, see the wisdom in daily routine, and become aware of the cognitive biases that are creating the way you see your life. Some of these pieces have never been seen; others have been read by millions of people around the world. Regardless, each will leave you thinking: this idea changed my life.
Click Here
Time To Change Your Life
Over the past few years, Brianna Wiest has gained renown for her deeply moving, philosophical writing. This new compilation of her published work features pieces on why you should pursue purpose over passion, embrace negative thinking, see the wisdom in daily routine, and become aware of the cognitive biases that are creating the way you see your life. Some of these pieces have never been seen; others have been read by millions of people around the world. Regardless, each will leave you thinking: this idea changed my life.
Click Here
Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/
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