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dhwty-writes · 2 years

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whatever a sun will always sing - chapter 5

I am terribly sorry, I completely forgot to post this yesterday. Anyways, please enjoy!

Written for the @witcher-bows-and-arrows event.

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Over a year had come and gone without Geralt seeing his bard again. It wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary, they had spent longer periods of time apart, but—

But.

It wasn’t that he was worried about Jaskier; he knew he could fend for himself and songs and tales of the greatest poet of the Continent were still sprouting like weeds, so he couldn’t be dead. No, it wasn’t fear that gripped his heart, but something else with long, vicious claws that pricked him all the same. He did not know what it was nor dare to examine it.

Yet, the strange feeling accompanied him wherever he went: from Kaer Morhen in the winter, to Toussaint in the summer, over Sodden and Cintra to Cidaris. Whenever he heard one of Jaskier’s songs a strange, ill-gotten wraith appeared to haunt him and remind him of his bard that left his medallion lying still and his body aching.

It was a cool, moonlit night in Cidaris and not quite summer yet, his pockets freshly lined with gold from a lucrative contract and his belly full of food from the Sonatina, when he heard it: the familiar sound of a lute in a tune Jaskier had written years ago. An unbidden smile spread on Geralt’s face as he hurried towards it.

The icy spectre accompanied the sound of his steps, and with it a memory: it was summer many years ago and he and Jaskier were still naked after bathing in a cool stream. Geralt was stretched out on a rock, listening to the peaceful sounds of birdsong and river current around him, and making sure no monsters lurked in the shallow waters Jaskier was dangling his feet into. The bard was plucking away at his lute and humming quietly, though not quietly enough for a witcher to miss it.

When does the sun show its brightest rays?, he sang.

Oh fidelai fidelay

When I am waking by your side

One joyous morn in may.

When have the raindrops the sweetest taste?

Oh fidelai fideley

When I am drowning by your side

One thunderstorm in may.

It was a happy memory, and peaceful, and Geralt remembered thinking he could spend an eternity on that rock.

He was still a couple of paces from the source of the music, when the singing started. Geralt ground to a halt. That was certainly not Jaskier and he couldn’t help but snarl at that. Instead, when he rounded the corner, he saw a lean man who might have been handsome a decade ago, but who didn’t bear the traces of time half as well as his bard. He had crows’ feet around his eyes, a few silver strands in his otherwise golden curls, and wore possibly the ugliest head Geralt had ever seen with a peacock’s feather that reached almost to the floor, presumably to cover up a bald spot. His garb was as garishly extravagant as any of Jaskier’s costumes whenever he stayed in Oxenfurt for too long, but where the one was still lithe and lean beneath his unbuttoned doublets, the other was sporting the beginnings of a beer belly. Currently, the bard was standing on some empty crates, one leg propped up higher than the other, strumming his lute and singing at a woman who looked mildly amused at best:

Where does the end of all my paths lay?

Oh fidelai fidelay

At the porch that brings me to your side

One tender eve in may.

Geralt cleared his throat, but the bard did not appear to notice and instead sang on:

When dawns the day that I will stay?

Oh fidelai fidelay

As long as I can stay at your side

Every morning in may.

By the time he had finished that stanza, Geralt had caught up to him, frowning deeply. ‘That’s not the words to that song,’ he thought bitterly. The woman had noticed him as well and was shooting nervous glances over the singer’s shoulder to the witcher. He cleared his throat again, louder this time.

The lute fell silent with a discordant twang and the bard yelped and fell from his podium. With decades of practice, Geralt deftly caught his instrument before it could come to any harm. “Who are you?” Geralt growled.

“I would very much like to pose the same question, good sir,” the bard said indignantly, lying in the mud. “And I believe I might be owed an answer first, seeing as you startled me so that I unceremoniously fell on my behind. This is toussaintois brocade, I am telling you, and if it is ruined, it is you who will receive the bill, that much I can—”

“Hmm.” Geralt dropped the lute onto the bard’s stomach. Apparently, the verbosity came with the profession, not the Jaskier. “I asked first. Who are you?”

The bard huffed and puffed as he got to his feet, trying to clear his clothes off the worst of the mud and complaining all the while. Geralt listened impatiently, waiting for him to get to the important part. “As for my identity, you have the pleasure and honour to be in the very presence of the one and only Valdo Marx, troubadour of Cidaris.” He took of his hat and bowed with a flourish. “And your name—”

Geralt ignored him. “Never heard of you. Where did you learn that song?”

“Excuse me?” Valdo Marx huffed and straightened himself. “Learn that song? I wrote that song, thank you very much! Can you believe that…” he said with a chuckle and turned to a non-existing audience. The lady he had been serenading was long gone. With a huff he turned back to Geralt: “As I was saying, I wrote that song and anyone who says otherwise is a liar and a cad.”

“Hmm.” Geralt leaned forward, staring at him with intent yellow eyes. “You’re awfully insistent for the rightful composer of this piece.”

Marx raised his chin defiantly, a poorer actor than Jaskier and Geralt didn’t need his smell to see through the facade. “And you’re awfully nosy for a gentleman who will not even tell me his name.”

“That I am,” he agreed and took another step towards him. “I am also a witcher, so I can smell you breaking out in cold sweat like the liar you are.” He showed his teeth in what might have been a smile or might have been a threat. “I’m sure you can guess at who I am. So. How do you know Jaskier? And why are you stealing his songs?”

“I don’t know any Jaskier!” Marx asserted with a nervous chuckle and attempted to duck away from Geralt.

He merely rested a fist against the wall right next to the bard’s face. “Try again,” he growled.

“Okay, fine!” the bard shouted; his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Julian and I are acquaintances from our Oxenfurt days. And I may have taken inspiration from him for a tune or two. But I haven’t seen him in years, I swear! Whatever your quarrel is with him, I assure you, I am a more than pitiful hostage.”

Geralt huffed and took a step away from the man. ‘Pitiful indeed’, he thought as the acrid stink of piss assaulted his senses. He simply said: “His name is Jaskier.” With that he turned around to walk away. This Valdo Marx would definitely be no help in his search.

He was quite a ways away when the bard seemed to regain his bravery to shout: “His name is Julian, just so you know!” He had known that Jaskier hadn’t been born with that name for a long time, but he had never dug any deeper. It was one of their unspoken rules. He snarled as the truth was revealed to him unwillingly: “Whatever he might call himself today, don’t let that fool you. He is Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove and he will leave you soon enough. That’s just the way he is, our little Julek. The moment things get serious, he will drop you like you burned him and vanish.”

Geralt growled. He had so many things he wanted to say to that bastard. How he himself had had many a moniker he didn’t like. How Jaskier was Jaskier if he chose to be. How much better Jaskier was than Geralt Roger Eric du Haute-Bellegarde and how he would call Jaskier even something as ridiculous as that if he wanted him to.

But he said none of that. Instead, he only growled: “Maybe that’s because you deserved it.”

Geralt completed his visit to Cidaris shortly after and glad to turn his back to that wretched city with its wretched bard. Instead, he vowed to go first east, then north: to Novigrad and Oxenfurt where he knew Jaskier liked to spend his time; sometimes the bard even taught a class at the Academy there.

He had almost reached Gors Velen when he finally, finally, heard news from Jaskier. A travelling merchant swore up and down he had seen the famous bard not a fortnight ago. Not to the north, where Geralt had first thought to look for him, but further to the southeast in Maribor. He left post-haste the next morning before the sun had fully risen.

Geralt intended to travel straight to Maribor and continue his search from there, but of course he wasn’t so lucky. He was barely a day’s ride out from the city walls when he heard the cries of a human girl behind him. She was young, barely fourteen years of age, but there was no fear in her eyes when she was staring him down, hands on her hips, and stating, not asking: “You’re the White Wolf. You have to help me.”

“Hmm,” he replied. “Do I?”

“Yes,” she declared defiantly. “There’s a monster in the woods and my dad’s not been home for days. My mum’s died years ago and I’m alone with my two brothers, so I’m a damsel in distress. And the bards say you’re a hero, so you have to help me.”

Geralt ground his teeth and cursed his friend for burdening him with that reputation. Longingly, he glanced down the road that led to Maribor. As much as he wanted to be reunited with his bard, Geralt was still a witcher first. Dutifully, he turned Roach towards around and followed the girl.

The monster in the woods turned out to be a leshen and Geralt found the girl’s father within the day impaled on a tree trunk. He did not know what had compelled the beast to emerge from its own territory, but in the end it hardly mattered, for it could not remain this close to a city such as Maribor.

In the beginning, Geralt assumed it might have left its home because it was young and ignorant of how unsuitable the world was for monsters such as them. That had been his first mistake. It was a large and ancient beast, with wolves and crows circling around it, and the scorchmarks on its trunk told of a fate of more dead humans who had been stupid enough to try and clear the undergrowth of a leshy’s lair, ever hungry for more land.

By the time he slew the last of the wolves, he was exhausted. Perhaps it might have been the prudent thing to do to retreat and rest to regain some of his strength. But that could give it time to gather more beasts as well. And would keep him longer from Jaskier.

Not for the first time, Geralt wished for Eskel’s skill with signs or Lambert’s knack for bombs; the wood was old and wet and rotten and stubbornly refused to catch fire. When it finally did, it did so with a roar as one of its giant arms splintered off and fell.

Geralt screamed.

One of its giant arms splintered off and fell, but just moments before, he had fallen as well.

It splintered off and fell and buried his legs and he could feel those splintering too.

The witcher grit his teeth, splayed his fingers wide and roared and as he did, the flames roared with him. ‘Bastard,’ he thought. ‘If I go, you go with me.��

The leshen swayed for what felt like an eternity, like a burning lighthouse crying for help. Finally, it fell, a mournful sound that nevertheless promised relief.

As the adrenaline subsided, it was replaced by pain. Cursing and hissing, with leaden limbs, Geralt tried to crawl away from the still burning branch on his leg. Flames were now licking up his pants, although leather was slow to burn. Weakly he tried to pat them out, but he could not reach that far.

‘At least the girl and her brothers are safe,’ he tried to tell himself. ‘Perhaps she’ll even meet Jaskier one day, to tell him of my fate.’ But despite his best efforts, the last thing he knew was regret: ‘I should have met him myself.’

A man was swimming in air as thick as water and a sea of cotton bolls obscured his sight. He tried to reach out, a few times, but grew scared when his hand got lost in the fog that had swallowed the world. “Hello?” he would call.

Hello? lo? lo? lo? lo? lo? the fog replied.

“Is anyone there?”

There? ere? ere? ere? ere? ere?

The monster growled and knew it was futile. It was all alone.

Time had no meaning in this world between worlds, so no-one could say how long loneliness lasted – the man staring at the fog in anger, regretting, regretting, regretting something—before he heard a voice.

“-ralt?” ralt? ralt? ralt? ralt? ralt? ”Geralt!”

The voice seemed closer now, the fog almost appeared to clear to reveal a strange blue-and-brown creature that talked too much: “-ank the gods – found you. How—? Geralt!”

Something was touching him – did he have a body to touch? – and a face drifted into view: pale and unscarred with a mop of brown hair and big blue eyes that looked—scared? The faces name was almost close enough to taste, but his tongue wound clumsily around it as he tried to speak: “Jsker?”

“I’m here!” the voice whispered. Ere, ere, ere, ere, ere. ”Everything will be fine.” ine, ine, ine, ine, ine.

And with that the fog closed around him again and loneliness had him once more.

The man drifted in and out of consciousness a few times, though his memories were hazy. He did not know how he had gotten from the clearing where he died to the stiff bed beneath him where two disembodied spirits argued over his corpse.

“—begun to close—” one of the huffed. “—infection too deep!”

The other one snorted at that. “—for my self, thank yo—” His corpse was burning. “—help — who can.”

One of the two spirits returned soon later to quell the flames with an icy tongue that licked his face. “—alright, dear heart,” it whispered. “‘m here.”

Here was a very strange concept for him, for until very recently, he had not had a body to burn. Now, it felt like every nerve within it had been lit on fire. Dimly, he remembered going through worse once, twice before, though not by much.

A mouth opened to sob, but the only sound that escaped was a high-pitched whine and then the icy tongue was licking the face again and liquid snow was poured down the mouth.

Time was another concept that barely existed. The fog could have ebbed and flowed for weeks or months or years and he would not have noticed. He did not care either.

Once, during his clearer moments, he head cursed. “Fucking— stupid kindling, Geralt can light a fire in a rainstorm and — even a measly fireplace.”

He smiled.

He knew that voice.

It meant something. Safety and... something else, but they did not talk about that.

There was music, too. Sometimes, he even knew the tune, but whenever he tried to hum it, he found his throat too dry and another cup of liquid snow was poured down his throat.

When Geralt finally woke, his head still felt like wrapped in cotton and his eyes were heavy like lead. The room he was in seemed warm and bright, the featherbed beneath soft and silky. He could hear a fire crackling in a hearth and the gentle tune of a lute. Someone was humming quietly, though not quietly enough for a witcher to miss it.

Where does the end of all my paths lay?

Oh fidelai fidelay

At the porch that brings me to your side

One tender eve in may.

If I give you a pillow, how long will you stay?

Oh fidelai fidelay

As long as you want to rest by my side

Every morning in may.

Geralt smiled. It was barely summer and Jaskier was sitting on a stool next to him. Stretched out in the bed, Geralt was listening to the peaceful sounds of song and lute around him, and knew when sleep took him again, his dreams would be without regrets.

#geralt of rivia #jaskier #geraskier #the witcher #the witcher fanfiction #geraskier fanfiction #witcher bows and arrows #whatever a sun will always sing #my writing #geralt/jaskier #waswas #valdo marx

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a-fic-reviewer-757 · 2 years

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Eu postei 13 vezes em 2022

Foram 13 posts a mais do que em 2021!

13 posts criados (100%)

0 posts reblogados (0%)

Eu marquei 13 posts meus em 2022

#ao3 - 13 posts

#ao3 fic - 12 posts

#modern au - 7 posts

#game of thrones - 3 posts

#got - 3 posts

#a song of ice and fire - 3 posts

#asoiaf - 3 posts

#lyanna x rhaegar - 2 posts

#lyanna stark - 2 posts

#rhaegar targaryen - 2 posts

Maior tag: 55 caracteres

#i don’t know if they have a ship name franzo or lorenco

Meus principais posts em 2022:

Need an engine spark to ignite my heart

by: vivacisskimo| word count : 10430| AO3 |chapters: 1/1 | rating : mature

Summary :

“I’d have introduced myself, but I get the sense you know who I am,” Lyanna flirts, and the man’s indigo eyes dance, “this is my party, after all.”

“Oh I’m certainly aware,” he cocks his head like something is outrageously funny, “I’m the one throwing it for you.”

Or, Formula 1 prodigy Lyanna Stark won't settle for anything less than a world championship. A serendipitous encounter with a stranger who turns out to be anything but reminds her that fortune favors the bold.

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Review : 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

Very well written, to fans of F1 it's specially good, it has a very good grammar and has very good characters not just development but in witting, you actually see the characters in that Au even thought it's quite modern. The only thing that I didn't really know why was the written made Lyanna Dornish and not Northern, not something that appears too much in the story, but it does not hinder on the experience of the fic. For people looking for a Rhaelya modern fic it is a very good start.

41 notas - publicadas em 11 de agosto de 2022

Wait and Hope

by: mightbewriting| word count : 94948 | AO3 | chapters: 12/12 | rating : mature

Summary :

“Harry,” Hermione began, voice very controlled, but she could feel the blade of panic slicing at her vocal cords. “Why was Draco Malfoy just screaming bloody murder about his,” and the word almost strangled her as she said it, “wife?”

Harry's green eyes blew wide. Healer Lucas pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly displeased with the recent series of events.

“He was referring to you, my dear,” she said. “That was the other question you got wrong. Your name is Hermione Jean Granger-Malfoy.”

Hermione had to be sedated again.

[In which Hermione loses the last six year's worth of her memories, including the entirety of her relationship and marriage to Draco.]

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Review : 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

That I've always found Dramione a superior ship should be no secret to anyone near me, and this fic is one of the reasons why. It's a fic about memory loss, and Hermione loses her memory due to an accident and Draco who is her husband has to take care of him, tell her about their relationship and control her emotions. It's practically them falling in love again. And it's the reason why I am ride or die in Dramione. So I highly recommend it.

70 notas - publicadas em 16 de agosto de 2022

Like stars in the summer night

by: Dark_Violet | word count : 54024 | AO3 |chapters: 14/ 14 | rating : explicit

Summary :

Yes, another getting together story. In which Nicolò wants to go home but needs a guide, and Yusuf doesn't want to be alone, therefore accepts to accompany him. They still hate everything about eachother, though, and being together sometimes just brings out the worst of them both.

Also, the journey is long and dangerous and it's safer if Nicolò pretends to be Yusuf's prisoner. Or maybe not?

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Review : 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

What a fucking ride, 5/5 starts. It's a beautiful origin story where Nicky and Joe are amazing together, it is very emotional, and I already consider this the most canon version f their origin story. Nicolo is a lovely person and Yusuf is also amazing, the thing that made me like this fic the most is that it does not demonize anyone for their culture or religion. It's a masterpiece !

88 notas - publicadas em 12 de agosto de 2022

We Make the Rules

by: sameboots| word count : 30667| AO3 |chapters: 10/10 | rating : explicit

Summary :

Brienne Tarth is tired of being Brienne the Virgin. Brienne is also awkward, shy, has no time for dating, and doesn't want to figure out how to broach the topic of virginity if she ever does date again. Enter Jaime Lannister: her handsome colleague who is also perpetually single, much to Brienne's confusion. But as tends to happen, the perfectly reasonable solution to a perfectly ridiculous problem gets a little more complicated.

“You asked me for a favor.” He places his elbows on the table, leaning over them, getting even closer to her. “And that favor was for me to sleep with you.”

Brienne might have a heart attack or vomit, there’s really no way to predict at this point, both seem imminently likely. She miserably answers, “Yes.”

Jaime’s eyebrows furrow again, his mouth firming in concentration. It’s possible the most painful part of this entire conversation is how well she knows his face, his expressions, how easily she can read him now.

“In that case, I have questions.”

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Review : 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

Most beautiful fic, everything is beautiful for you who are looking for a Modern AU of Game of Thrones/ A song of ice and fire, this here is perfect. It's a modern AU that also sets Brienne and Jaime as lawyers and colleagues in a law office, and the elements of the friends with benefits relationship and how they develop that into a loving relationship, wonderful. The smut is wonderful and the characters are very good. I recommend it.

157 notas - publicadas em 15 de agosto de 2022

Meu post nº 1 de 2022

that i may rise and stand, o'erthrow me

by: mortaltemples | word count : 8229 | AO3 | chapters: 10/10| rating : Explicit

Summary :

The line between lies and truth is fine indeed.

No one knows that better than Halbrand.

“I cannot help but be curious…what happens,” he sneered, “When she finds out? Do you truly believe that the golden princess of the Noldor will forgive you? Do you think she will grant you absolution?” The air was silent until --

“Do you truly believe that she will want you?”

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Review : 💜 💜 💜 💜 💜

I have to admit I do ship Galadriel and Halbrand mainly because he is Sauron ( yes I'm that bitch ). I've read the Silmarillion, Lord of the Rings and Hobbit and still, Sauron is my baby girl okay. I know he committed war crimes, but babe someone can fix him and her name is Galadriel. This fic has a lot of that even if the end is quite bittersweet, but still I loved it, the smut wasn't as extensive as I would like but still the way that Galadriel is compared to Morgoth in the sense that she is the new "god" that Sauron worships, and that she is the most of the light he would ever know in his lifetime is very good. So for people that have just watched the Rings of Power, and are now as I am shipping Saurondriel.

402 notas - publicadas em 14 de outubro de 2022

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sanniedaysmarsnights · 2 years

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Dark and Twisted Threads of Fate | Series 5 - Mafia!ATEEZ x reader Part 6 NSFW (San x reader)

Masterlist

First chapter

Previous chapter (chapter 5)

A/N: Oh my lord. This is certainly my favourite chapter of this series I've written so far, it made me so so soft <3

Chapter word count: About 4k! :D

Warnings: A lot, starts off with dub con/non con (consensual before anything really happens) some dark themes here and there, knife play and some blood. Enjoy!

Tag list: @baekmond and those who were so kind as to like all previous parts before: @twilightwei @whyme11 Thank you for following the story so far! <3

If you would like to be tagged in future works of this series (or any other) please leave a comment or send me an ask!

Yunho boasted proudly about his adventures with you as soon as he came home. Wooyoung was whining on end about him having just sweet talked you into it, and about how it wasn't fair.

"If sweet talking had been her weakness, you would have been in her pants a long time ago already Wooyoung" Yunho scoffed, earning a chuckle from various other members.

"Tell us though, how was she? What does she taste like? Does she moan loudly- did you make her moan your name?" Wooyoung pried impatiently.

"Jeez Wooyoung slow down man." Mingi interjected. Yunho couldn't help but laugh at the two.

"You will just have to find that out for yourselves." Yunho spoke coyly, knowing that they wanted little more.

"Wait, but where did you take her to eat then Yunho? Because we didn't see you at the restaurant." Wooyoung asked more to the point this time.

"I took her to a nice calm Italian restaurant I know the owner of. What, are you disappointed you didn't get a show?"

"What, so you had planned beforehand to fuck her there? You greedy boy." Wooyoung tried to turn the tables around, pretending as if he wouldn't do the same himself any day.

"You're calling me the greedy one? You are the one complaining you didn't get to watch." The back and forth went on a little while discussing various inappropriate topics, until finally Seonghwa stepped in and sent the boys away to their own quarters.

----------

"You slept with Yunho? San asked. Well that news had spread quickly, so much for privacy, you thought. Your heartrate sped up at the thought of the evening you spent with Yunho.

"Why would that be any of your business?" you asked in annoyance.

"I thought I had made clear you belonged to me." San said, his gaze piercing. Your fingers had a mind of their own, tracing absentmindedly over the spot where San had left his mark on you, now faded. It did not go unnoticed by San, who had to suppress a grin. He had to play his part well if he wanted to fully wind you up in his spider web.

You scoffed. "You can't just do whatever you want with me and assume I belong to you; I have a choice in this too you know" you were getting frustrated. Why would he be all whiny when he seemed to simply toy around you and then disappear for days without a word?

"Did I not mark you well enough to remind you who you belonged to? Maybe I should refresh your memory." You remembered well how you had almost screamed into his hand as his jaws clamped harshly around the side of your neck. He took a step towards you, as you backed away towards your locked front door. Shit, you thought to yourself, I should have left it unlocked.

"San! I am a person, not an object. You cannot just put a mark on me and claim me like that." You didn't like the way he had trapped you into a corner at all. Taking a daring step forwards seemed to pleasantly surprise the man. However, it was not enough to wipe the stupid smirk off his face.

"You would like me to do so though, wouldn't you." San's eyelids lowered, sending you a heady gaze. Where you had finally felt like you held some power in the situation, his dark and heady gaze instantly had its effects on your knees.

"Did he fuck you?" He asked scrutinising you intently as you stood nailed to the ground.

"No its not like that," You stuttered, flustered. "We only- he only-" You were too embarrassed to finish the sentence, evading San's eyes. You wished you could convince yourself that the heart palpitations that you were feeling was only a result of your memories of the previous night flooding you. The way San was treating you, possessively and toxic, you thought to yourself was making your heart flutter unhealthily.

"What did he do to you baby?" San was doing his best not to sound agitated, but in reality he was feeling more than pissed. He had almost lost his temper towards Yunho the night before, and had been on the verge of paying you a visit right then and there to clear things up. But, he knew, that in order to avoid chasing you away and into Yunho's arms, he had to play his cards more carefully. "Did you fuck?" He asked, a pause between every word to enunciate it.

"No! No nothing like that, he only- He only fucked me with his fingers" You finally managed to splutter out, blushing violently.

"Good." You looked up at san, puzzled. Suddenly his whole dark and oppressive air seemed to fade away from around him. Instead he smiled heartfully. But the light that practically shone off his perfect smile and innocent dimples, didn't reach his eyes. "Then I can still make you all mine." San was almost growling his words at this point, licking his lips like before desert. He didn't give you a chance to protest, his mouth was pressed harshly against yours. It was a kiss full of teeth and tongue, San's hands now roaming hungrily over your body. His mouth muffled the alarmed noises you were making at first, but they quickly faded into moans.

Who were you trying to fool? The fact that this young man was significantly more powerful both physically and in status turned you on tremendously. You had enjoyed Yunho's sweetness and care, but you didn't want to be treated like a porcelain doll. Your mind was sent spinning as San's fingers gripped into you so powerfully they were likely to show as bruises by the end of the day.

You enjoyed the power struggle between you two, lighting a fire in your chest of excitement. Just how far could you push this man before he would truly snap? You wanted to find out.

As the kiss grew increasingly heated you had the mind to fish your apartment keys back out of your pocket and hold them up. San didn't even need to disconnect his lips from yours once to understand your plans. He snatched the keys from you, jamming them into the lock almost sending you tumbling to the floor as the door swung open. Only when the door was slammed shut and he practically threw you onto the bed did he give you a chance to catch your breath. A cheeky grin spread over your face, evil plan forming.

"And what if I don't want to be yours?" you asked San defiantly, despite how obviously he affected you. You sat there on your bed, hair a mess from San running his hands all through it and tugging on it roughly every so often. Your pupils were blown wide and breathing was as if you had just been jogging.

On the inside San was absolutely infuriated, he knew that you ought to belong to him and him alone. But if you weren't going to work with him, you left him no choice. "In that case I'll just have to ruin you for anybody else. When I'm through with you, you'll be begging for my cock to wreck you."

Your heart froze when San pulled out a knife he must have hidden somewhere on him. He flourished the pretty shining blade around, admiring his own little trick. "Perhaps I can help change your mind?" You had wanted to provoke him and see how far you could push him, but now you were beginning to become frightened. You swallowed the brick in your throat, determined not to show signs of weakness.

You tried telling your racing heart that it was all just for show, that San wouldn't harm you. But you were really not all that certain at this point. He was skilfully twirling the blade around with his fingers, and when you mustered up the courage to take your eyes off the blade, you realised his dark eyes were staring straight into your soul. Even as he smiled, it only chilled the blood in your veins further.

San took one step and then another, until he was standing at the foot of your bed where you were sitting, unable to move. He brought the knife to your throat and you had to give it your all not to break down into tears right then and there. "Hmm, not so brave anymore now are we? What happened to my cocky little girl? Cat got your tongue? No worries, let me help you out with these dear." He trailed the blade of his knife down your throat to your collarbones. He changed his grip on the hilt before making a slashing motion, ripping your shirt clean in half.

You had held your breath as the cold blade touched your skin, gasping in shock at his sudden motion. "Do you think you can handle the rest yourself for me now angel?" You nodded back to him in shock. Your trembling fingers grasped the button of your jeans before sliding them down your legs. When San didn't take away the knife you hesitantly continued to undo your bra. The sight of your naked chest seemed to please San, a wide grin spreading on his face. "And now take off mine, angel." He tapped the tip of the blade against the metal button of his trousers. The eerie clinking sent goose bumps all over your skin. Your trembling didn't help in taking off his clothes any faster, but San didn't seem bothered by it. When he finally stood before you in only his boxers, he tentatively traced the tip of the blade over your bottom lip. You failed to suppress a squeal when you felt the blade nick you, the warmth of your fresh blood beginning to trickle down your chin. Using the knife to tip back your head, San kissed your lips once more. Your stomach churned as you could feel him suckling on your lip, specifically on the little wound he left there. When he was satisfied, he licked the drops of blood that had run onto your chin obscenely. When he pulled back, his grinning lips looked as if they were wearing lipstick.

"Such a pretty angel, all for me. Don't worry, you won't be so much of an angel anymore when I'm done defiling you." At this point you were almost ready to simply give up. There was no chance for a way out, not when San was infinitely more powerful and skilled than you. Perhaps you really had no choice but to let this happen.

San guided the both of you further onto the bed, his free hand stroking and caressing your body wherever it could reach. "When I first saw you, I knew you were perfect for me. So feisty, never giving up the fight no matter what. What happened to you babe, where did all that daring go to?" It seemed San was the first person who made you give up. You had never feared gambling your life for a way out, but here? There was no chance for escape in the first place, there was no hope. Were you really ready to die?

Just when you didn't think your mind could take any darker turns, San pressed the hilt of his knife into the palm of your hand. He squeezed your fingers shut around it, and bringing the blade to his own throat. You were too stunned to think, let alone speak. "Don't be afraid darling, I know you like the power it holds." San pressed the blade in your hand into his own skin hard enough to draw a line of blood. "Wouldn't you like to give it a little taste?" Your body slowly thawed from under San's icy gaze, which was now suddenly warm and loving. Your eyes shot in a panic from his face to the lesion slowly dribbling blood. The fire of adrenaline kindled in your chest once more. You thought you were screwed, and maybe you were. But there you held a knife to San's throat, holding the power.

You rolled the two of you over, making you straddle his hips. Your chest was heaving at this point, brain rushing in overdrive. You had him under control, you could do anything you wanted. There was a little voice in the back of your head telling you that he only was allowing you to hold this kind of power over you, but you didn't care.

You let your eyes wander over his body, only now being able to appreciate how well built the man below you was. When your eyes returned to his face, you saw that he was grinning triumphantly. "Do you like what you see, angel?" San bit his lip, rolling his hips under yours. For a split second your eyes rolled back as you hissed, his cock managing to brush just the right spots. But you weren't about to get distracted here, you were in charge after all. So you daringly pressed the blade into his throat harder, now allowing a small stream of blood to seep out of the cut.

"Don't get cocky with me now, boy." San's hands had to grip your sheets tightly in order to hold his composure and resist thrusting his hips once more. He seemed positively lovestruck as he gazed into your eyes, practically begging for more. You lifted your hips only to find his underwear soaked not only with your arousal, but also a growing stain of pre cum where his tip was visibly straining against the fabric. You dragged a nail, scratching down his chest leaving a red line in its wake. After teasing his cute little snail trail, you finally dipped your finger into the waistband of his boxers. You just couldn't help your curiosity for what this man's dick looked like. When you finally freed it, its tip landed against his stomach with a lewd wet smack.

"Now that is the queen I love and admire." San said wistfully. You could almost not believe the turn of events, let alone how the most skilled fighter in the mafia was now writhing at your mercy. And he absolutely loved it.

"Fuck." Was all you could let out, stunned at the turn of events. But beyond all, you had never been so turned on. Utterly and completely addicted to this feeling of power. And the way his dick looked with its veins straining desperately, tip already leaking once more didn't help your arousal either. You ground your hips down onto his cock, but it wasn't enough.

"Are you ready for me baby?" He asked with a strained voice, clearly having to hold himself back with how badly he wanted to fuck you. Your nod was the only sign he needed, before thrusting his cock inside of you. The stretch was driving you insane, your knuckles turning white as you reflexively gripped onto the knife impossibly tighter. When you finally caught your breath and had adjusted to his size within you, you opened your eyes. Nothing could have prepared you for the glorious sight, San looking positively deranged, your knife still pressed right up against his throat as he fucked you without mercy. From all of the rocking and the knife being sharp, it wasn't all that surprising when you began seeing a second red line appear on his neck, gradually bleeding down his bulging muscles. San let his tongue loll out of his mouth, looking as if he had finally truly lost the last shred of his sanity. "Fuck baby" He almost more whined than grunted, never slowing his relentless pace. "You feel so- ah." A strangled moan left him as he felt you nick another slit on his neck. You could tell just by looking at him that he felt exactly that same high as you did. You were both addicted to the adrenaline, the feeling of risk and power. "You were made for me baby, just think of the things we could achieve together-" San rattled on, eventually you were certain that he was speaking gibberish. You didn't care however, because in that moment you knew you truly and fully belonged to him. Whatever he'd want to do with you, want to do to you, you would let him. It was a small price to pay for feeling your high like this.

"Just look at you, my pathetic little cry baby. First you say you don't want me, and now you're begging me to make you mine?" He jeered "Oh I'll make sure you'll be mine and mine alone, angel." You had been riding him for god knows how long, feeling absolutely overstimulated from the orgasms he continued to pull out of you without mercy. The strain in your legs had long numbed down to a dull sensation, all of your senses focused entirely on San.

"Yes Sannie I- fuck. I belong to you Sannie, all yours." You blabbered out mindlessly, the pace of his cock hitting spots so deep inside of you driving you absolutely insane. You don't know when it had happened but apparently your knife had fallen from your fingers to the ground, but you couldn't care less.

"I'm going to come inside of you so deep baby, gonna fill you up to the brim over and over again until you've gone all numb" San's husky voice was so close to you ear, his lips so close to your skin.

"Fill me up Sannie, make me all yours. Please-" San's back was resting against the headboard, mouth leaving hickeys and bite marks all over your chest and neck, wherever he could reach.

"Anything for you baby, anything for you. You are so tight, gonna milk me of all of my cum like such a good girl." You were so close to losing it, your legs hooked around his back desperately. The biggest wave of pleasure you had ever felt washed over you the moment you could feel the sticky warmth of his come being shot deeply inside of you, your walls squeezing his cock so desperately San had trouble pulling away from you before thrusting into you as deeply as possible again.

That was most certainly not the last time that night where he came, always buried deep inside of you. He made certain to mark his new territory all over you, and neither did you hold back doing the same. When you woke up tangled together in the morning feeling sore all over, all you could do was grin stupidly. You admired San's peaceful sleeping face, fascinated by how innocent he looked. Frankly, he looked rather adorable, as if he wasn't one of the most powerful mafia members of the century. As if he wasn't a ruthless killer, you thought to yourself. How could he look so happy, dreaming away? You had been tortured my nightmares all your life as a result of what other had done to you, and you to them. The sight of San sleeping like a baby not only made you feel safe in his strong yet loving arms, but also forget about the rest of your worries.

"Good morning my angel" San rasped sleepily. His eyes were still shut as he licked and smacked his lips a couple of times in order to wet his dry mouth.

"Good morning San" You softly replied. You were certain you looked much less like an angel in that moment, hair an unbelievable mess and hickeys, bite marks and bruises all over. But San, however messy, looked like a gift from heaven himself. The way his soft locks of hair fell over his forehead, or the way his lips were ever so slightly puckered just made him look unreal.

You would have liked to continue to drift in and out of sleep together with San for at least several more hours, but you were both rudely roused by the ringing of your doorbell.

"Just leave it be." you groaned. But when you saw San had opened his eyes and the serious look on his face, you knew it was already too late. All you could do was smile sheepishly as you admired the muscled man climb his way out of bed and slipping into a pair of boxers and trousers. Before walking over to the door he hesitated, and quickly grabbed his shirt from the floor too before throwing it over to you. A blush spread over your face as you smelled his shirt shyly before putting it on. When you heard the door open you made your way out of your bed, fishing a fresh pair of underwear out of a drawer. When you peeked into the hallway curiously, you quickly froze. Standing in your front door was nobody less than Kim Hongjoong, the boss of the leading mafia of the nation. You gulped, feeling embarrassed. It was bad enough that he had to see you and a guy half dressed, covered in your marks nonetheless, obviously just woken up after a night of kinky sex. What made it infinitely worse, was that it was not some random guy he had found with you in your apartment, but San, one of his six most trusted men who coordinated the gang together with him.

If it bothered Hongjoong he didn't show it, briefly reintroducing himself to you. The news he came with however, was rather unexpected.

"We just came by intel of the most urgent matter, so I came by to deliver the message personally." He looked incredibly serious. "One of our rival gangs has just made a trade with the small town gangs in your area, giving them an unreasonable amount of firepower and other weaponry. All for one piece of information." He said gravely, and only continued after a dramatic pause. "Your whereabouts. They know your address, phone numbers and even credit details. We fear they may even already be on the move here."

Your eyes had grown wide in shock, looking over to San for stability hoping he could give you any guidance. San seemed to be more used to this kind of news however, and was simply listening intently without even the slightest hint of worry. Of course, you thought to yourself. What did you expect? He did this for a living, for who knows how long now. How exactly had you gotten yourself tangled in all of this again? You were beginning to feel small in comparison to all of these high and mighty characters that suddenly appeared into your life and put your world upside down. Technically they had saved you from misery and helping you learn how to stand up for yourself. "W-what do I do?" you asked stuttering still half in shock. "Do I need to run?" You didn't want to leave your home behind, not that you had a lot to begin with, but you certainly didn't feel like having to start all over from zero again.

"You can stay with us." Hongjoong spoke. You would have asked him if he meant it if his face hadn't been absolutely serious. "I know you both probably have.. Talking to do" he side eyed the marks all over San's body and then yours. "but that is going to have to wait. They could be here within the hour." Shit. "Pack your most important possessions, then San can bring you to our base." San gave Hongjoong a curt nod. "I strongly advise you hurry." And with that, Hongjoong shut the door behind himself.

"Shit."

---------------

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, nothing makes me happier than to interact with you guys, so please don’t hesitate to pop anything into the comments! Lots of love <3 Reblogs are very berry welcome too~ <3

Masterlist

Next chapter (part 7)

#ateez #x reader #mafia #au #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #seonghwa #hongjoong #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #darkfic #smut #gang

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dangermousie · 4 years

Text

2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...

Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.

43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.

42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.

41 You Complete Me - no you do not.

40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.

39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.

38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.

37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.

36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.

35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.

34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.

33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.

32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.

31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.

30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.

29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.

28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.

27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.

26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.

25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.

24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!

23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.

22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.

21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.

20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.

19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.

18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.

17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.

17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.

16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.

15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.

14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.

13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.

12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.

11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.

10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.

10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)

9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)

8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!

7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.

6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)

5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.

4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.

3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.

2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.

1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.

WORST DRAMA

Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++

Runner Up: Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.

Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.

Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.

NOTP

Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.

FAVORITE SCENE

It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way, from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years.

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.

ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)

Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love

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anna-justice · 4 years

Text

But We Do - Upstead

Summary: 5 times Jay and Hailey said they were “just friends,” and 1 time they knew they were something more.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, maybe mentions of violence?

Requested: No

…

1 - they don’t cancel other plans, have conversations with nothing but their eyes…

Jay walked out of the breakroom, phone pressed to his ear and a cup of coffee in his hand. They were wrapping up an intense day in intelligence, they had closed a big case involving a tender age victim, all of them were taking it pretty hard.

“Hey man,” Jay said quietly as he approached his desk. He watched his partner sigh, running a hand through her tousled blonde hair.

“Hey,” Will said, “We still on for the game tonight?”

Jay kept his eyes on Hailey, she looked distraught. “Uh…” Hailey looked up, catching his gaze and giving him a weak smile. Jay furrowed his eyebrows at her and she shrugged, her chest heaving as she looked back down at her report. “Sorry. I can’t tonight, something came up. Raincheck?”

“Yeah, no worries man.” Will said, “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.” Jay agreed, finally finishing the last few steps to his desk. He sat down, placing all the reports on his desk in a neat pile. Swiftly, he leaned over the monitor in front of him and swiped a stack of papers off his partners desk, replacing them with his cup of coffee.

Hailey was startled by the commotion, glancing up at the man across from her. He was focused on his computer screen, deep in thought. Hailey smiled softly, taking a sip of the coffee before getting back to work. Jay felt her gaze on him, he avoided it, focusing on the task before him. If he looked up he’d get lost in those bright blue eyes, and then he’d never get any work done.

About an hour later, Jay threw his pen down on his desk, groaning. “I’ve written the word ‘offender’ so many times that it doesn’t even feel like a word anymore.” He said.

Hailey cracked a smile, “You done?” She had been for about 20 minutes, but they were the last ones left, and she didn’t want to make him work alone, especially since he was helping with her work load.

Jay nodded, “Yep, just finished, ready to get out of here?”

“Yes.” Hailey said immediately, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. “Give Will my best.”

Jay stood, “I’m not meeting Will.” He confessed.

Hailey looked at him, confused. “You said you were going to the Hawks game, Jay, you’ve been excited all day.” She frowned, but he just shook his head.

“Will gets tickets for every game, there will be another one.” He jokes, but Hailey doesn’t look convinced. “I’m not really feeling it tonight, not after today…” It was true, he didn’t want to ignore his problems for the night, not when she’d call him out on it later anyway. Plus, Hailey was way more fun than a Hawks game.

She eyed him cautiously, “As long as you aren’t ditching on my account.”

Jay laughed, “I am.” Hailey glared at him. “Not cause you need it, cause I do.” Her expression softens as Jay grabs his keys and coat, “Come on, drinks on me.”

Hailey smiled, falling into step behind him. “You spoil me.”

2 - they don’t call you in the middle of the night, couldn’t even tell you why…

Hailey shot up in her bed, her chest rising and falling at a rapid rate. She held a hand to it, trying to control her breathing. She hated to admit it, but nightmares were a constant issue for her, it was rare that she slept a full night.

It made sense, the trauma of her childhood, in addition to the horrors she sees on the force. When her mind wasn’t actively fighting against the memories, they were all consuming. Tonight though, was a special type of terror. It was often that Hailey dreamed of her green eyed partner, but sometimes he snuck into her nightmares. Every once in a while, she was transported back to that day, the day she almost lost him. And even though he lived, in her mind at night, the fear that he didn’t was overwhelming.

She rolled over, clutching her pillow. All rationality said he was fine, probably asleep in his own bed. Her phone caught her eye, like it was pulling her to it. It sat there taunting her. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore, she just needed to hear his voice.

Obviously, she had him on speed dial, only needing to click his contact. The ringing started and after the fourth one, she considered hanging up. Then after the fifth… “Hello?” A groggy voice asked.

“Hi.” She said softly. She had the sudden urge to throw her phone out the window.

Jay sat up immediately, running his hand over his face, “Hailey? What’s wrong?”

Hailey froze, she hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Nothing.”

“Okay?” He said, not really convinced.

“I just needed to make sure you were okay.” Hailey rushed out. She blushed to herself, thankful that he couldn’t see her crimson cheeks.

That woke Jay up all the way, he sighed, his voice laced with concern. “Hailey, I’m fine.” He waited a few seconds. “Are you?”

Hailey took a breath, she debated confessing everything she had been feeling lately. How affected she was by her dreaming that he was dead. “Uh, just a bad dream.”

“About?” He asked.

“That day.” She said softly. He didn’t say anything. “I’m okay, Jay.” She said,trying to reassure him.

She heard rustling over the line, “I’m sorry Hailey.” He said, “For what I put you through.”

“I know.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. It was oddly comforting, the constant assurance that the other one was there. “Jay?” Hailey asked.

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay on the phone...until I fall asleep?” She asked, cautiously. It was a strange ask, especially because Hailey knew that there was no way she was going back to sleep, but she wasn’t ready to hang up, and she wasn’t ready to talk.

Jay sat there shocked, there was something so intimate about her request, something he wasn’t expecting, but certainly something he wasn’t upset about. “Yeah, I’ll be right here.”

They both laid back down in their respective beds, phones laying on the pillow next to them. Eventually Hailey heard the sound of soft snores, she smiled to herself. She closed her eyes and just listened: he was alive and he was there.

3 - they don’t almost say “i love you,” when they’re downtown somewhere just a little drunk...

Jay sat in between Kevin and Will at Molly’s knocking back his third beer. They were celebrating Adam’s birthday, which meant they were in for a night full of alcohol. Adam was a bit of a control freak when it came to his birthday, insisting that everyone was at his beck and call for the day. They all let it slide, after all, he acted like their own personal assistant on each of their birthdays.

“Okay boys.” Adam called to the long line of their friends sitting at the bar. “Time for shots!”

Kevin laughed, “Are you paying?”

Adam shrugged, “The party is on me tonight, but you all are responsible for getting me home alive.”

Kevin nodded, looking to Jay, who nodded. “Copy that.” He turned to Herrmann, “I’m going to need two of those badboys and a glass of that fancy bourbon I know you are hiding back there.”

“Make that two,” Jay said, holding up his hand.

Hailey, Kim and a few of the other girls watched the antics from across the bar. Stella came over, carrying a tray of miscellaneous cocktails and bottles. Kim’s jaw dropped and Hailey started laughing. Stella shrugged, setting the tray down. “I heard Ruzek’s buying.” She said, before floating back over to the bar.

“Thank you!” Hailey called.

Sylvie picked up a cup filled with green liquid, “Why is it green?”

“Absinthe?” Kim asked.

Hailey quickly took the drink from Sylvie, “Believe me, you don’t want this.”

Sylvie laughed, picking a different drink. “Yeah, probably not.”

Hailey smiled, taking her pick of the tray. She played it safe, pulling a beer off the back. “Lame.” Gianna teased.

Hailey shrugged, “Someone has to get those losers home.” She glanced at the bar, watching her partner down a shot with Adam.

Kim raised her glass, urging the other girls to do the same. “Happy Birthday Adam.” She said, and they all took a sip.

About thirty minutes later, Jay was more gone than he had been in a long time. The man could hold his liquor, but he could not keep up with Kevin or Kelly. He was handed another shot by his brother, who was right there with him. Jay tossed it back, barely feeling the burn.

He slumped over on his stool and turned to scan the bar, his gaze landed on his partner and it stayed there shamelessly. She was laughing, her head thrown back and her body visibly shaking. He smiled, leaning back against the bar and just watched.

Kevin glanced over, following his friend's gaze. He chuckled. “Jay, man.” He said, nudging his shoulder. “You’re staring.

“No I’m not.” Jay said, his gaze never leaving her.

“Sure.” Kevin slurred, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around to face the bar. Jay glared at him, Kevin held up his hands in surrender. “I’m just trying to help you out.”

“Chuckles is staring at you.” Trudy teased Hailey from across the table. Hailey, not so subtly, snapped her head around, causing the whole table to laugh. “Well, he’s not now.”

Hailey slowly faced her friends again, her cheeks bright red. “Yeah, just checking.”

Sylvie giggled, she had taken a small sip of the absinth anyway. “You like him.”

Hailey shook her head, “What? No.” She stared down her drink, “We’re partners. He’s my best friend.”

“Okay.” Kim said, smirking, everyone else following suit.

Before he knew it, Jay’s gaze was back on Hailey. She was so pretty, he didn’t even understand how someone could be so beautiful. He picked up the full shot glass, downing it quickly. He had spent the whole night thinking about her, and he couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel the way he did anymore.

Jay pushed himself off the stool, stumbling a little, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he made way across the bar. “Hi Hailes.” He said, grabbing her attention.

Hailey smiled brightly. “Hey, having fun?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow. She could tell he had been just by the way he was swaying in front of her.

Jay nodded, “Yeah...um...I need to tell you something.”

The whole table watched him eagerly, “Yeah?” She asked, her heart racing.

Will looked over and his eyes widened at the empty seat next to him. “Kev.” He said.

Kevin looked over, “Shit.” He said. He motioned for Will to follow him and they raced over to Jay.

“I-” He started, but Kevin and Will appeared on either side of him.

“Hi Hailey.” Kevin said.

“Bye Hailey,” Will continued, before grabbing his brother's arm and yanking him away from her. Hailey sat there in shock as they walked away, talk about a let down.

Jay huffed, ripping his arms away. “What was that?” He snapped.

“It was us saving your ass.”

4 - they don’t talk about the future, and put each other in it…

Hailey shifted in her seat, turning her body slightly towards the center console. She held up the camera in her hand, looking through the lens. She snapped a picture of the license plate of the car that just rolled up.

“You see that?” Jay asked from the driver's seat, leaning back. Hailey nodded, taking another picture. Jay scribbled down the make and model into his notes before they watched the driver re-enter the car and drive away.

A few minutes went by and they sat in silence once again, they had been on a stakeout for several hours and all they had to show for it was a few license plates. Hailey sighed, “So, the Sergeants exam sign up was posted this week.” She said, bringing up something she’d been meaning to for several weeks.

“Okay?” Jay said, “You planning on taking it?” He asked, chuckling.

Hailey shook her head, laughing lightly. “Me? No way. I think you should.”

“What?” Jay, finally looked over at her.

Hailey looked at him in disbelief, he really hadn’t thought about it? “Jay, you’ve been a detective for almost ten years, don’t you feel like it’s time to take the next step?” She asked.

Jay shrugged, “I hadn’t really thought about it...maybe in a couple more years. Why? You sick of me?” He teased.

“No,” Hailey said, rolling her eyes. “I just want you to succeed, and Voight has always said you’ll take the unit one day…”

“Yeah, one day.” He said, cracking a smile. To be honest, he had thought about the test, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to potentially move on from Intelligence or from his partner.

Hailey turned to face him completely, “Well, when one day comes, I’ll help you study.”

Jay watched her, her smile so genuine. He had just said that he was going to wait a couple more years, and Hailey intended to be there for them. “So, you’re keeping me around?”

“Yeah, you haven’t pissed me off yet.” Jay gave her a look, “Much.” Hailey took a breath. “I’m serious Jay, I’ve got your back, no matter what, no matter when.”

“Thanks.” Jay said, squinting at her.

Hailey scoffed, “You sound surprised…”

Jay shook his head, “I’m not surprised, it’s just nice to hear you say it.” He turned to face her, “We don’t talk like this very much.”

“Yeah, cause you show emotion once every three weeks.” Hailey teased, slapping his bicep.

“Oh, you’re one to talk.”

Hailey laughed along with him, leaning her head against the window. “Jay, you know I’d follow you anywhere, even to another unit. I’m not losing this.” She gestured between the two of them.

Jay nodded, he knew she was talking about their partnership, but couldn’t help but hope she meant something else. “I know, and you’ll always have a spot, wherever I am.”

“Good.”

5 - they don’t stand around playing with their keys, finding reasons not to leave…

“Jay, can you stop hovering.” Hailey said, turning to face him. He had been following her around her kitchen for fifteen minutes while she did random things. He had brought her home from the hospital a few hours earlier, and he hadn’t left her alone since.

She was tackled down by a suspect earlier that morning and after getting checked out by Will, they learned that she had a few bruised ribs. It was nothing too serious, but it was enough for Jay to have a mini aneurysm about it, which is why Hailey was coming close to stabbing him with the knife she was trying to put away.

Jay took a step back at her harsh words, putting his hands up. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Hailey stood up straight, placing her hands on her hips. “I think I’m capable of unloading my dishwasher.”

“Alright,” He said, admitting defeat. He grabbed his keys off the counter and headed towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you, thanks for dinner.” She said kindly, before turning back to her work.

Jay opened the door, watching her for a few more seconds. He was about to leave when heard a thud, followed by a hiss. Within seconds, the door was slammed shut and he was back by her side. “Hailey.” He said, picking up the bowls that fell on the floor.

She huffed, leaning against the counter, hand draped over her stomach to cover her rib. “I’m fine, I just couldn’t reach.” She explained, nodding at the open cabinet.

Jay sighed, “You’re not fine.” He set the stack of bowls neatly in the cabinet before turning to face her. “Come on.”

Hailey rolled her eyes and followed him into the living room, sitting down on the couch next to him. He threw a blanket over her before getting up again. “What are you doing?” Hailey called after him.

There were sounds of rummaging in the kitchen, and then a few seconds later Jay appeared with a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. “Here.” He said, “You should take these.”

He handed her the cup and Hailey took it gratefully. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” He took a step back, standing next to the couch. He shifted nervously, keeping his eyes on her. “Well, I guess I’m gonna go. Promise me you’ll stay put?” He asked, and Hailey nodded. “Okay, Goodnight Hailey.” He said, before walking out of the room.

Hailey sighed, as much as she hated being fawned over, she didn’t want him to leave. “Jay!” She yelled.

Two seconds later he was standing in front of her again, “Yeah?”

“I’m probably going to need your later…” She said, watching a smile appear on his face. “Do you just want to stay?”

“Yes.” He said immediately, “I mean…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “If you really need me to.”

Hailey laughed, “I do.” Jay took it as an invitation to reclaim his seat on the couch, pulling the other half of the blanket over him. Hailey leaned her head on his shoulder and stayed put, exactly like she promised she would.

but we do…

Hailey sat with her head resting in her hand as she watched Jay from across the room. She was staring, and it was obvious, but he was too busy chatting up some girl to notice her gaze. Molly’s was crowded, like normal, but tonight she had decided to sit alone. She had been watching the girl flirt with her partner for a while now, and she didn’t want to bring anyone else down with her mood.

She thought things had changed, that maybe Jay felt the same way about her, but the look on his face right now was telling her otherwise. Hailey sighed, averting her gaze and staring absently at her phone, trying to distract herself. It wasn’t working.

“You know,” A familiar redhead said as they slid into the seat across from her, “You could just tell him how you feel.”

Hailey sat up straight, looking at the other Halstead in disbelief. “What?”

Will laughed, “Don’t even deny it Hailey, I’ve been watching you make eyes at my brother for the last hour.”

“I’m not making eyes.” She snapped, keeping her gaze trained on him.

“Okay.” Will said, taking a sip of his beer. “Just for the record, I think you would be satisfied with his answer.”

Hailey jumped off her stool, throwing a ten down on the table. She was glad she had decided to only have one beer, she was sober enough to get the hell out of there. “Goodnight Will.” She said shortly before rushing towards the door, not giving her partner a second glance as she passed.

Jay watched the blur of blonde hair fly past him, noticing that it was Hailey walking out the door. His eyebrows laced together and he stood, “It was really great to see you Marissa, but I need to go.” He said quickly before grabbing his jacket and racing out the door after his partner, he was gone so fast that he didn’t even hear the girl say goodbye.

“Hailey!” He called after her.

Hailey turned around, she was only a feet ahead of him, she blamed her short legs. “I’m fine Jay, go back to your date.” She said a little harsher than she meant to before turning to walk away again.

“Date?” He asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to him. “Hailey, that was Will’s ex-girlfriend, I was friends with her brother in high school, we were just catching up.”

Hailey scoffed, “That little shit, ugh, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself to me Jay, we’re just friends.”

Jay ran his hands through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Are we?” He snapped. That got Hailey’s attention, she watched him closely as he took a step forward. “Hailey, I’ve to convince myself that there was nothing here, because you are my best friend. But friends don’t act the way we do, I saw you watching me tonight, that wasn’t a ‘friendly’ look.” He said.

Hailey blushed, looking at the ground. “Jay-”

He tilted her chin up to look at him. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but I can’t. I love you Hailey...and I think you love me too.” Hailey swore she stopped breathing for a second, his eyes were locked on her and she couldn't believe what he was saying. She searched his face for any trace of regret or concern for her, because half of her still thought she was hallucinating. “Feel free to say something-” She reached up and pulled him down to her, attaching their lips. Jay arms secured themselves around Hailey’s waist as he lifted her up to meet his height, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Jay held her tightly against him, his lips never leaving hers. Finally, Hailey pulled away, breathless. “For the record,” She said, taking a deep breath, her hand running down the side of his face. “You’re my best friend too.” Jay smiled, but she knew he was waiting for something else. “And I love you too.”

…

A/N: I’ve had the idea for this fic for forever, so I’m glad I finally had a reason to write it. I’ve been a Maddie & Tae (ft. lyrics from “Friend’s Don’t) fan since the beginning and I’ve always thought that this song was the Upstead anthem. It’s perfect for them. Thanks for reading!

#upsteadlovesongs2021 #jay halstead #hailey upton #upstead #upstead imagines #chicago pd #one chicago

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eurynome827 · 4 years

Text

Talk To Me

For @the-ss-horniest-book-club Drunk Drabbles and @redhead-wine-and-literature-club Drunk In Love Challenge - Day 15 - Lovesick ...with Bucky Barnes

This is a prompt from @aliceaddellheidde who is so kind and supportive - I hope you like this Valentine for you 💕

1. “Be mine until the end of time.”

5. “You’re more than just a one night stand.”

19. One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss

Warnings: bit of angst and anxiety, miscommunication, non-descriptive & vague smut, I have no idea how this got so long - my blogs are 18+ spaces always.

It's only been two weeks since that night with Bucky, but in your anxious, over-hyped brain it felt like months.

Mornings of awkward side-steps to avoid each other in the kitchen and hands brushing while reaching for milk and mugs, then pulling back as if his touch was enough to burn you. Briefings spent studiously ignoring each other. Dinners at opposite ends of the table, where you opted to eat quickly and make an early escape nightly.

Let's not even mention the horror of the gym. If you saw him there, shirtless in his workout shorts, you just turned the other way and vacated the entire area... sometimes the entire building.

Nat tried to talk to you and get you to open up, but you weren't budging. Finally, after two awkward weeks for everyone, it fell to Steve.

"Alright, pal," he said softly, walking next to you in Central Park since you had refused to discuss anything in the Tower, "let's hear it. What's going on with you and Bucky?"

A heavy sigh, and a pain in your chest. "Nothing. Absolutely, completely nothing."

"C'mon, something happened."

"HappenED, Steven. Past tense."

He put his hand on your arm to stop you, looking into your eyes with his sincere gaze. "You gotta tell me what's going on."

You stared at the pavement, sighed again, and started talking.

Two weeks ago...

Another party. A nightmare for your anxiety but at least you had Bucky. He was always someone to cling to at these events, quick with a joke to make you smile or a getaway when it was just too much. Of course you had a huge crush on him but you felt almost comforted in your belief that he would never know and even if he did he would certainly never act on it.

But that night he did.

At the doorway to your room you turned your head, not knowing that Bucky was aiming for a kiss on your cheek. Your lips collided and you pulled away with a nervous giggle but stood frozen in place, eyes locked on his, feeling the air between you charge up with an unfamiliar energy.

You nearly fell into your room, held tightly in Bucky's arms, mouths hungrily seeking each other out. An unlikely night of wordless passion - notable because there were no words, then or in the morning when you found your bed cold and empty. No notes, no texts, no messages - and Bucky gone, on a mission with Nat and Steve.

You saw him in the hallway when he had returned, and bolted in the other direction.

There were no words you wanted to give. Just the cold, hard feeling in your chest when you thought of him, the memories of that night frozen in an ache that lived in your heart. You weren't enough and his presence was always there to remind you. Lovesick, with no cure.

"Okay, but," Steve squeezed your hands, "you never gave him a chance to explain."

"Explain what?" You pulled your hands back, hugging yourself. "That he didn't want me?"

"You don't know that. Bucky has a hard time opening up under the best of circumstances, but if someone is going out of their way to avoid him? Impossible."

A little bit of guilt is starting to edge in for the way you've been acting. "Did you talk to him about this?"

"Yeah, he wouldn't say a thing. Figured I could get you to talk, though."

Steve gives you a little grin, and you narrow your eyes. "You're sneaky, but you're making sense. It's just...this is hard. Really hard for me. I'm not good at this," you admit, biting your lip and keeping your arms tight around yourself still. Steve pries them away, holding your hands in his and making you meet his gaze.

"Neither is Bucky. Talk to him."

It's with that pain in your chest that lives next to the heavy beat of your heart that you knock on Bucky's door that night, long after the Tower has quieted down for the night. Bucky opens the door and his eyes open wide at the sight of you, and he stands in silence waiting for you to speak.

"Can I come in?" Your voice sounds small to you but it echoes in your head as you wait for Bucky to step to the side so you can pass through. It's still quiet inside, Bucky staring at you and the ice in your chest thaws and a river of words flow out.

"You left, and you didn't leave a note. No note, no text, nothing. What was I supposed to think? The only thing I could think, which was that you didn't want me, you don't want me."

A little panic is starting to rise in his eyes, and he reaches for you, "doll..."

"You know how I get, how I am. What was I supposed to think?" You ask again, lip trembling as tears threaten to spill.

"I know, I know," Bucky rushes forward, cupping your cheeks with both hands, warm and cool. "I'm sorry, I should have said something."

"And we ruined our friendship for a one night stand that you didn't even want in the first place."

The first tears start to fall and he brushes them away, his face growing more serious. "No, that's not true. You’re more than just a one night stand." Shaking your head, you try to step back but Bucky's hold is firm. "I'm not always good with words, doll. Let me show you," he pulls you in and your breath stutters in your throat, "let me show you how much I want you."

His lips on yours bring all the memories crashing back and you're feeling weak in his arms, letting him lead you and guide you. When you break apart for air, your eyes open slowly to see his, all dark and fixed on you. "Are you sure, Bucky? Do you want to do this?"

The answer is a kiss that soothes all the ache in your heart, a kiss that doesn't need words to back it up. If this is how Bucky Barnes is going to communicate with you, then you just need to let that be enough and listen, because his heart is speaking to yours.

In his bed, your head is swimming with emotions as he takes his time revealing you to his eyes. He holds his breath as you explore him with your fingers - the line and form of him that you remember from that night, the memory grown sweet again in this moment.

"I need you to talk to me, Bucky," you ask softly, while you're both still as you adjust to the feeling of him inside you. "I need to hear what you're thinking."

He understands, and he kisses your lips, another sign of reassurance. "I want you," he whispers against your skin, lips dragging open mouthed and heated. "I need you," his mouth travels lower and his hips start to move, your whimpers joining his words. "I'll never let you think that I don't want you again. I promise." His eyes are back on yours, and his hands link with yours and his body joins to yours - and he's yours. "Be mine," he says and you nod, your pleasure written all over your face.

"Be mine until the end of time."

"Yes."

The bed is warm in the morning and Bucky is still pressed to you, holding you in his arms. You smile when you open your eyes and see him looking at you.

"G'morning," he drawls, low and husky in your ear as he cuddles in close.

"Good morning," you answer, but your voice is thick with tears again and he lifts his head to look up at you.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Bucky, I'm so sorry."

"Don't cry, babydoll, I'm sorry too."

"I want to wake up like this every morning, okay?" He nods, smiling at you and kissing you softly. "I was just sick without you, Bucky. I thought there wasn't a cure, but I was wrong. It's you. It's always been you."

#hbc drunk drabbles #rwlc drunk in love challenge #bucky barnes #divider by imerdwarf

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nashvilledreams · 4 years

Text

My Naya, my Snixxx, my Bee. I legitimately can not imagine this world without you.

7 years ago today, she and I were together in London when we found out about Cory. We were so far away, but I was so thankful that we had each other. A week ago today we were talking about running away to Hawaii. This doesn’t make sense. And I know it probably never will.

She was so independent and strong and the idea of her not being here is something I cannot comprehend. She was the single most quick-witted person I’ve ever met, with a steel-trap memory that could recall the most forgettable conversations from a decade ago verbatim. The amount of times she would memorize all of those crazy monologues on Glee the morning of and would never ever mess up during the scene… I mean, she was clearly more talented than the rest of us. She was the most talented person I’ve ever known. There is nothing she couldn’t do and I’m furious we won’t get to see more.

I’m thankful for all the ways in which she made me a better person. She taught me how to advocate for myself and to speak up for the things and people that were important to me, always. I’m thankful for the times I grew an ab muscle from laughing so hard at something she said. I’m thankful she became like family. I’m thankful that my dad happened to have met her weeks before I did and when I got Glee, he told me to “look out for a girl named Naya because she seemed nice.” Well dad, she was nice and she became one of my favorite people ever.

If you were fortunate enough to have known her, you’ll know that her most natural talent of all was being a mother. The way that she loved her boy, it was truly Naya at her most peaceful. I’m thankful that Naya got that beautiful little boy back on that boat. I’m thankful he will have a strong family around him to protect him and tell him about his incredible mom.

I just hope more than anything that her family is given the space and time to come to terms with this. For having such tiny body, Naya had such a gigantic presence, a void that will now be felt by all of us - those of us who knew her personally and the millions of you who loved her through your TVs. I love you, Bee.

My favorite duet partner. I love you. I miss you. I don’t have words right now, just lots of feelings. Rest In Peace Angel, and know that your family will never have to worry about anything.

We started out as the closest friends and then like all new things, we went through a bit of a rocky phase. However, we stuck by each other’s side and created the most beautiful friendship built out of love and understanding. The last I had the chance to see you in person, I had left oranges outside our home for you to take. I wanted to say hi through the window but my phone didn’t ring when you called (which it never does, f*cking T-Mobile), so instead you and Josey left two succulents on our doorstep as a thank you. I planted those succulents and I look at them everyday and think of you. I still listen to your EP on repeat because from the moment I heard it, it struck me and I always wished the world knew more of your voice. You sent me over 5 dozen SnapChat videos when you and Josey woke up in the morning and I kick myself that I didn’t save one of them. You always shared recipes and I admired your love for food. We vowed to spend every Easter together, even though Covid stole this last one from us. You are and always will be the strongest and most resilient human being I know, and I vowed to carry that with me as I continue to live my life.

You constantly taught me lessons about grief, about beauty and poise, about being strong, resilient and about not giving a fuck (but still somehow respectful). Yet, the utmost important lesson I learned most of all from you was being a consistent and loving friend. You were the first to check in, the first to ask questions, the first to listen..you cherished our friendship and I never took that for granted.

We never took photos together because we mutually hated taking pictures...our relationship meant more than proof. I have countless pictures of our babies playing, because we shared that kind of pride and joy. So I’m showing the world a photo of our little goof balls for you, because I know that meant more than anything and they remind me of you and I. I speak to you everyday because I know you’re still with me and even though I’m feeling greedy that we don’t get more time together, I cherish every moment we had and hold it close to my heart.

There are no words and yet so many things I want to say, I don't believe I'll ever be able to articulate exactly what I feel but... Naya, you were a ⚡️ force and everyone who got to be around you knew it and felt the light and joy you exuded when you walked into a room. You shined on stage and screen and radiated with love behind closed doors.

I was lucky enough to share so many laughs, martinis and secrets with you. I can not believe I took for granted that you'd always be here. Our friendship went in waves as life happens and we grow, so I will not look back and regret but know I love you and promise to help the legacy of your talent, humor, light and loyalty live on.

You are so loved. You deserved the world and we will make sure Josey and your family feel that everyday. I miss you already.

She was bold. She was outrageous. She was a LOT of fun.⁣

Naya made me laugh like no one else on that set. I always said it while we were working together and I’ve maintained it ever since. Her playful, wicked sense of humor never ceased to bring a smile to my face.⁣

She played by her own rules and was in a class of her own. She had a brashness about her that I couldn’t help but be enchanted by. I also always loved her voice, and savored every chance I got to hear her sing. I think she had more talent than we would have ever been able to see.⁣

I was constantly moved by the degree to which she took care of her family, and how she looked out for her friends. She showed up for me on numerous occasions where she didn’t have to, and I was always so grateful for her friendship then, as I certainly am now.⁣

And even as I sit here, struggling to comprehend, gutted beyond description- the very thought of her cracks me up and still brings a smile to my face. That was Naya’s gift. And it's a gift that will never go away. ⁣

Rest in peace you wild, hilarious, beautiful angel.

How can you convey all your love and respect for someone in one post? How can you summarize a decade of friendship and laughter with words alone? If you were friends with Naya Rivera, you simply can’t. Her brilliance and humor were unmatched. Her beauty and talent were otherworldly. She spoke truth to power with poise and fearlessness. She could turn a bad day into a great day with a single remark. She inspired and uplifted people without even trying. Being close to her was both a badge of honor and a suit of armor. Naya was truly one of a kind, and she always will be. 💔 Sending all my love to her wonderful family and her beautiful son.

Dear Naya,

I’m failing miserably to process this news. I always imagined old future senior moments where we would hear your infectious laughter down the hall knowing that our funny bone was in for a treat. To many people, myself included, you were the life of the party. Not only able to rock when fun was to be had after a long day but that shining friend that was always willing to listen, offer sympathy, perspective and at times, give much needed levity to any situation.

You were a beast on the show. I admired you as I watched you nail multi page monologues that you learned moments before and pour your heart into every performance with an energy that had that snicks special written all over it. Our deep conversations about life inbetween scenes are some of my favorite moments with you. Getting to hear about your hopes and dreams for the future and with Josey’s arrival, ‘Your greatest success’ I was so happy to see your dream turn into reality.

You deserved more. I’m so sorry but you deserved more. You gave life your all and I hope all the good that you have given to the world will be returned in abundance when you reunite with our brother in the heavenly skies. I’m so grateful for our memories. We will make sure to keep your legacy and spirit alive so Josey will grow up to know the incredible woman you were. Love you, Naya. You are already missed. Eternally.

-HSJ

Naya and I fell into stride with such ease, she was my first friend and ally on our show. In the pilot, our characters came and went with such swiftness. Our enthusiasm brimmed with all of the unknown. We tried to grasp what the other cast members must be feeling as we were working in such separate manners. We dared to dream. What if this show worked? Wouldn’t that be something? Something was brimming, it was palpable. And thank god it worked. Naya’s magnetic talent was going to be unleashed, we just didn’t know it yet. ⁣⁣

I’ve been revisiting Naya’s performances on our show and it has brought me great joy. To work with her was a gift. There was a great deal to absorb - her work ethic, her fearlessness, her talent - supreme. Naya had a laugh that would envelop you and hold you captive. She was mesmerizing. That twinkle in her eye, her luminous smile. Naya lead with truth, humor, wit. I loved her for all of these reasons. ⁣⁣

I loved her sense of curiosity and wanderlust. I was lucky enough to be her travel partner for some of my most favorite adventures. As I write this, I’m grinning with swelling memories of a spontenaous 36 hour excursion - one might even say diversion - to Paris. With Naya, everything was possible and would often simply unfold before us, almost magically.⁣⁣

On this particular jaunt, within ten minutes of checking into our hotel, we found ourselves strolling the halls of L'École des Beaux-Arts, sipping wine from paper cups with students showcasing their latest work. It was fantastic. We were united in our commitment to discovery. And there was always a list of cleverly curated ideas in Naya’s back pocket, should we need it. ⁣⁣

I cannot make sense of this tremendous loss. I will hold onto her and these memories for the rest of time, alongside our Glee family. Please hold space for her, her family, her beautiful boy. ⁣⁣

In absolute, loving memory.

Naya The world is at such a loss and I am truly heartbroken. I still remember the day I met you. You Walked straight up to me, grabbed me by the face and drug me around until I met every single person on set, introducing me as “new booty”. You were one of the first people who made me feel like family when others saw me as an outsider. I didn’t know then that you would become my family and that’s just who you were to everyone.. A Mother, Sister, Daughter and most of all a friend. Your massive heart and bright spark is what carried our entire show, when at times we all felt like giving up.

You always showed up for me when I needed some wisdom or was down and just needed someone to talk to. You took care of everyone around you in a way that was so warm and comforting and you sure knew how to throw a hell of a party!

I always admired your bravery and passion to fight for what’s right even when it seemed like you were up against the world. Your spirit is contagious and you continue to make everyone you have touched a better and stronger person by knowing you.

My favorite part of glee was getting to watch you perform and shine up close every day. You really were the pulse of that show. Anyone who was blessed enough to see and experience your raw talent knows it to be true. You’re one of the smartest and most gifted people I have ever met. There is no one like you and there never will be.

You have changed peoples lives all around the world and you continue to change mine forever. I will never forget your love and kindness. Thank you for sharing your spirit Angel.

I will miss you always. I Love you Naya

For the last 7 years the 13th of July has shattered our hearts beyond repair. There aren’t enough words to describe the pain we are feeling, we are truly heartbroken at the loss of @nayarivera .

Naya, Cory loved you so so much. He cherished your friendship more than you will ever know. From the laughs you shared, to the strength you gave him when he needed it the most. Cory truly adored you. He was in awe of your incredible talent, the way you gave everything you had to each performance; the slap in the auditorium was one of his favourite stories to share. You once said Cory was like a member of your family; you will always be a part of ours. We’ll carry you in our hearts forever. We miss you. Friends reunited for eternity.

We send all our love and strength to your beautiful boy, your family, friends and fans 💔🐻💔

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the-gay-prometheus · 3 years

Text

AU Segment - What’s In A Name (Parts 1 and 2 Combined!)

Oh hey, hi, hello. I finally finished this bit! I’m not sure how I entirely feel about it, but considering all of these segments are still just ‘test runs’ for this AU, that’s kinda to be expected. No warnings needed for these to my knowledge, just wholesome silly stuff and a bit of heartfelt moments thrown in. Just some notes before I share this full segment: 1. You’ll notice that unlike the last segment I posted, the creature is simply called Creature with a capital c rather than “the creature.” There is a reason for this! The narrator, although omniscient, has a bias toward Victor and his point of view about this character. The name of said character changes along with Victor’s view of him - from being a mess of all kinds of nasty things (’beast,’ ‘monster,’ ‘demon,’ etc.), to simply being ‘the creature, then to being more of a formal name ‘Creature,’ and finally to his actual name. In moments where Victor is particularly upset with this character, the title used by the narrator may change to reflect that. 2. This is veeeery very long considering it’s both parts 1 and 2. Knowing tumblr, formatting may get all screwed up, but I’m hoping for the best! 3. Both parts will also be posted to ao3 in their own works, so if you’d rather have links to them there so you’re not endlessly scrolling through a massive wall of text, feel free to ask! 4. I’m still practicing my ‘not-so-angsty’ writing, so some parts may be a little wonky because the wholesome silly stuff is not quite where my skills lie yet 😅 5. Special shout-out to @fergus-reid! The name ‘Percival’ suggested in part two that Victor rejects because it is a ‘name that he heavily considered’ was 100% influenced by his incredible podcast “The Marksbury Incident” - a beautifully written and acted modern/cross-over type AU where Victor is also a trans man (and canonically considered the name Percival for himself)! It’s a really neat story and I totally recommend checking it out! As always, likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are appreciated! Without further ado, I present ‘What’s In A Name?’

PART 1: “How about… hm… Gabriel?” Victor and Creature trekked along the mountain trail, Victor taking the lead so Creature wouldn’t go too far ahead. “That’s a good name, don’t you think?” Creature shrugged his shoulders, pausing to inspect the nearly white bark of a silver fir, tracing along the jagged edges with curiosity. “Is that a no?” Victor asked, somewhat out of breath as he turned to check on his creation. “Yes, that is a no,” Creature mumbled as he looked upward toward the top of the tall conifer. “Oh! I know! How about Luca? It means light!” Creature turned toward him with a disappointed frown. “Perfect, because surely I am the light of your life,” he remarked with clear sarcasm. For a moment Victor was almost impressed; after all, this was the first he had heard him make any kind of obviously sarcastic… joke? Was it a joke? “Well, no, that would be Henry,” Victor replied, turning back toward the trail and motioning for Creature to follow. “But you were born of lightning, so it would at least have some sentimental meaning?” The creation shook his head. “I would rather not be consistently reminded of my origins.” The two continued along the trail, Victor staying quiet as he tried to think of another name that might work. As they walked, they came along a portion of the trail with a steep, rocky cliff that harbored the continuation of the trail on top. Victor, being the stubborn person he was, insisted that he could climb up himself, but each time he tried to scrabble up, he would lose his hold or lose his footing and fall back down. Though he continued to insist he could do it, Creature lifted him up and set him on the top of the stone. Victor shot him a nasty look, brushing off his clothing as if where he had touched him was somehow now dirty, but Creature ignored it and hoisted himself up to the top with ease. “Then how about Adam?” Victor suggested, turning and starting his way down the trail once again. Creature stood at the cliff edge, staring at his creator. “After all, you came up with that one yourself.” “I… I do not want a name that I came up with,” Creature began. “I would much rather it come from you.” Victor gave him an odd look. “What does it matter? A name is a name, right? I named myself and you don’t see me complaining about it,” he retorted, crossing his arms. He glanced off to the side, then frowned. “Well… I suppose Henry technically helped- but I’m the one who chose it.” Creature crossed his own arms and gave him the kind of look that said ‘well, there’s the answer to your own question.’ Victor stared at him, then dramatically waved his arms and spun around. “Fine! Fine. Alright. What if I said I was giving that name to you because I thought it fit you and not because you came up with it? I mean, it is rather fitting considering-” “Then you missed my entire point of what I had said when I brought that name up,” Creature cut him off. Victor looked back to him. “Then what were you saying?” “I said I ought to be your Adam but… that it was not who I actually was to you. It was…” He hesitated. “A painful moment for me, Victor. To come to the realization that everything I should have been was everything I never would have had the chance to be.” Victor sighed, hanging his head. “Well, what if it’s who you are to me now?” he asked, his voice sincere. Creature shook his head. “That makes no difference. Once again it would simply be a reminder of such dreadful memories. I would rather live my life without being constantly reminded of my past simply by someone calling me by my name.” Victor didn’t answer, opting instead to take a step and continue onward. Creature hesitated, but followed all the same. “Gilbert?” Victor called out as he walked. Creature couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well that was out of nowhere.” “But is it a no?” “Yes, it is a no.” Victor made a grunt of disappointment, then looked around, pointing to a tall conifer with beautiful vibrant orange needles. “What about Larch? Like the tree?” he asked. His creation paused, looking at the tree and others of its species around them. “It is certainly a beautiful tree,” he remarked simply. “Though I am not sure it is a good name.” “Come on, it’s a great name!” Victor exclaimed, turning back to the trail and clambering his way up a boulder that blocked the path. “I will… give it some thought,” Creature promised with a slight smile, hopping over the boulder as though it were only a mild inconvenience. “That doesn’t sound like a no to me,” Victor proposed, grinning. “It is not a no, but it is also not a yes,” Creature explained, reaching up and plucking a handful of the orange needles from one of the trees and inspecting them closer. “Then it’s basically a no and I should keep going,” Victor suggested. Far ahead, the trees cleared and open sky above distant ridgeline could be seen - signifying they were nearly home - and Victor let out an exasperated sigh. “I told you I’d have a name for you by the time we got home. You’re making this more difficult than it has to be.” “And I told you that these things take far more time than what one walk will procure,” Creature countered. “Not that you listen to me, of course.” He continued onward, passing Victor, who watched as he walked by. “I don’t listen to anyone,” Victor called to him as he watched him walk. “I thought that would’ve been fairly obvious by now.” “Oh, it is certainly obvious, but that does not make it - or you, for that matter - any less irritating, Victor,” his creation answered from ahead. Victor frowned. “Hey- Hey! Wait up!” He scrambled as he broke into a run, tripping over a stone and nearly falling but somehow miraculously not falling flat on his face. “What was that supposed to mean?” Creature kept walking, pausing to lift a bough that crossed in front of the path and ducking beneath it, holding it away from the trail so Victor could pass without walking into it. “I was simply stating a fact,” he mentioned, letting the branch go once Victor was through. “Hmph.” Victor strode past him, ducking his way through the last tangle of branches before emerging to the ledge where their little hut stood. “Could’ve kept it to yourself,” he grumbled as he straightened his vest and brushed off his coat. “I will keep that in mind,” Creature stated, emerging beside him with at least one twig sticking awkwardly out of his long black hair. Victor looked up at him, staring at the twig in his hair with narrowed eyes until Creature got the hint that there was something there, then started making his way back toward their home with his shoulders drooped and his eyes on the ground. Grumbling something about how ungrateful his creation was, he made his way to the door, reached for it, and then- whack! The door flew open, hitting Victor directly in the face and knocking him backward. He clutched at his nose with a yelp of pain. Creature couldn’t help but chuckle - this was at least the third time this had happened in the past week alone. It was Henry who had opened the door, and who had promptly let out a sharp gasp of surprise upon seeing his boyfriend dramatically writhing around on the ground with his hand over his face. “Good lord Victor!” he exclaimed, dropping to the ground to check if he was ok. Victor sucked in a breath and hissed it out through his teeth, slowly removing his hand from his nose and blinking his eyes back open. Upon seeing Henry, directly above him, he managed a half smile. “You’re lucky I love you,” he sneered, pushing himself up onto his hands. Henry grinned, planting a kiss on Victor’s lips, which Victor gladly reciprocated. As he pulled back, Henry stood, offering a hand to help his boyfriend up from the ground. “I know I am,” Henry answered Victor’s original statement with a smirk. “Not that he poses much of a threat regardless,” Creature quipped from behind them. Victor rolled his eyes and Henry snickered. “Well, threat or not,” he began, wrapping his arm around Victor, “How’d it go? Did you two finally figure out a name?” “No, we didn’t. That one is too stubborn,” Victor complained, pointing to his creation. “I simply did not relate to any of the names you suggested, Victor. That is not stubbornness, that is…” He paused, thinking of how to word it. “Well… I suppose it could be stubbornness.” Henry shook his head. “Not stubbornness at all. A name is an important and meaningful thing, so if you have yet to hear one that you feel fits you, then it just doesn’t fit and that’s all there is to it,” he explained with a kind smile. Victor gave him a side-eyed glance, then sighed. “Alright, sure. Not stubborn. Just irritating,” he retorted, giving Creature a sneer. Creature stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, you did create me, after all.” Henry tried to hold back a laugh, and couldn’t help but let it out as Victor pushed him away with a scoff. “I am not irritating!” he announced, earning even harder laughter from Henry. He spun on his heels to face him, crossing his arms. “It’s not funny! I’m not irritating!” “Pfff- Yes you are!” Henry exclaimed through his laughter. Victor wanted to be angry, but Henry’s laughter was contagious as always and he found himself starting to snicker along. “No I’m not!” he repeated, though much less seriously. “You most certainly are,” Creature mentioned, starting to chuckle a bit himself. “I- I am absolutely not,” Victor reiterated, trying to make himself sound very serious but only making himself - as well as Henry and Creature - laugh even harder. “Yes you are!” Henry teased, reaching out and flicking Victor’s nose. Victor flung his hand up and stumbled back. “Ow! Henry that’s still sore!” he exclaimed reaching out to flick him back. Henry jumped out of the way and took off toward the open land of the ridge just beyond their hut still laughing as he gave his boyfriend a look that seemed to say ‘just try to catch me.’ Victor smirked and ran off after him, shouting “You sly bastard- get back here!” Creature watched them chase one another, his laughter slowly subsiding to a smiling sigh. Name or no name, he felt like he was finally so much closer to the life he wanted - a loving family of sorts, though a strange family it may be. He watched as Henry switched directions and came up from behind Victor, tackling him to the ground. Though he couldn’t make out what they were saying, he could hear as their own laughter turned to quiet words, and then to quiet as Henry silenced Victor with another kiss. A content expression on his face, Creature lay back, sprawled out on the ground, and watched the clouds as they passed through the sky. PART 2: The afternoon was fair-weathered and peaceful, blue sky hardly obscured by a few fluffy clouds with the sun casting its brilliant light evenly over the mountains. Creature had spent just about the entirety of the last few hours still lying on the ground, the first half watching the clouds that passed by while considering each shape they took as they changed with the wind, and the second half so well at peace that he had fallen asleep. That was, of course, until the feeling of something being dropped on his chest caused his eyes to snap open. Above him stood Henry, who was looking down at him with his arms crossed and a smile on his face. Creature managed an awkward smile in return, and looked down at what had been dropped on him. He recognized the small leather bag and gently plucked it off his chest, reaching up to drop it back into Henry’s now waiting outstretched hand. “Fancy a game?” Henry asked with a grin, shaking the bag and causing the contents inside to clink and rattle. Creature chuckled and slowly lifted himself upright. “Of course, though you could have woken me in perhaps a less startling manner,” he replied. “Where’s the fun in that?” Henry joked, tossing the bag back and forth between his hands. “Will Victor be joining us?” Creature inquired as he rose to his feet and brushed the dust and dirt from his cloak and pants. “Begrudgingly, yes,” came a flat voice from behind him. He turned to find Victor standing there, looking almost entirely unamused - almost, though Creature could tell he was actually looking forward to it. Henry was the first to jog over to their typical outdoor playing spot, a fairly flat length of stone close to the edge of the ledge, and emptied the contents of the bag onto the ground. An array of clearly non-professionally made dominos, all somewhat unevenly cut with a yellow-stained tint (the clear sign of being made with real bone), clattered down and Henry quickly flipped any that fell right-side-up over so that only the blank sides were facing. Creature arrived and sat down carefully, knowing the drill by now and beginning to choose his five tiles. Victor flopped himself down beside Henry, faking an annoyed sigh as he started to pick his tiles. Henry caught the fake sigh and snatched one of the tiles Victor was about to pick before he could take it, resulting in the two in the two of them giving each other mock-mad looks before they both devolved into a small fit of giggles. As the two of them continued to pester each other while picking their tiles, Creature picked up his own tiles to see if he had managed to pick up a doubles tile. “All-threes as usual, correct?” he mentioned above their antics. Henry looked up at him with a nod. “Yes, unless you wanted to try something different today?” Creature thought for a moment. “No, I am content with the usual.” “Well that’s perfect,” Victor quipped as he looked at his tiles, his expression brightening. He set one of his tiles down, one with six pips on both ends. “Twelve points for me,” he mused, picking up a small splinter of stone and scratching twelve tally marks down beside him on a bare spot of the stone ground amongst a multitude of other scratched-over tallies from games past. “Perfect for me too,” Henry teased, placing a tile with six pips on one end and none on the other. “That’s twelve points for me also.” Victor shot him a clearly sarcastically scathing glance, which Henry countered with a smirk as he reached for the stone splinter Victor had been keeping tally with to tally his own points. “It seems we are starting this with a tie,” Creature examined, placing a fully blank tile beside the one Henry had placed down before picking up a much larger splinter of stone beside him and carving out twelve tallies for himself. Victor gave him a disappointed glance before checking his own tiles and finding one he could place, though it would earn him no more points. Henry placed his next tile and the turn was passed to Creature, who managed to score another twelve points. “Hey Victor, I think I figured out what name we should give him,” Henry mentioned with sarcasm as Creature scratched down his tallies. Creature glanced upward, listening carefully. Victor didn’t answer, but instead rolled his hand in a motion that meant ‘go on.’ Henry snickered as he placed down a tile of his own. “I think we should call him Victor the Second because at this rate you’re going to lose your winning streak.” “No, I think we should call him Henry,” Victor countered, voice dripping with sarcasm as he played his own next tile and scratched down six points for himself. “I am not taking either of your names,” Creature muttered with a slight smile as he placed his next tile down and etched twelve more points on his tally. “That would be far too strange.” “Fair enough,” Henry replied, checking his tiles and realizing he needed to draw from the free-pile in order to place one down. “How about… Ah! I’ve got it!” he exclaimed. “How about Hector?” Both Victor and Creature gave him an odd look. “Hector?” Victor repeated, raising one eyebrow as he also picked up a few tiles from the free pile in order to find one to place down - which he did, and scratched in three points for himself. “Henry, Victor,” Henry explained, raising one hand with each name. “Hector,” he finished, clapping his hands together. Victor couldn’t help but let out a snort of laughter, and Creature chuckled softly as well. “Amusing and sweet, Henry, but I do not think that is the name for me,” he replied, placing his final tile down. Checking over the playing area again, he grinned. “And I do believe that is a win.” Victor shot his glance down. “What?!” He looked at what had been put down. “How? Are you already out of bones?” Creature nodded. “Indeed.” “Ha!! The unbeatable Victor finally tastes defeat!” Henry exclaimed, ruffling his fingers through Victor’s hair - Victor, who flicked his hand away to take a closer look at the spread as if somehow that would make it change. “No, no - not possible. Absolutely impossible.” He looked up at Creature and squinted. “You cheated somehow.” Creature gave him a confused look. “I… do not believe it is even possible to cheat at this game?” “Don’t mind him, he’s just being a sore loser,” Henry reassured him, bumping Victor in the shoulder with his elbow. Victor gave a huff and crossed his arms. “Rematch?” Creature nodded. “If you are both so inclined.” Victor glanced away, trying to hold back a smile. Truth was, he actually was very much enjoying himself. “... Fine,” he said at a length, beginning to flip and mix the tiles. They each plucked their dominos from the pile. “Anyone have a double six?” Henry asked as he looked at his tiles. Victor and Creature both looked at each other as if asking each other the same question, then both shook their heads. Creature looked back down at his tiles, then placed down a double five. “Good enough.” “How about Daniel?” Victor asked as Henry played a tile. “Do you have a reason for that name?” Creature responded as Victor played his next and scratched a new tally of three. “Not particularly. It’s just a nice name,” Victor replied, gesturing that it was his turn. “I see.” Creature placed a tile, and scratched a six for himself, which prompted a quiet ‘scheisse!’ from Victor. He couldn’t help but smile at the reaction. “I would have to say no.” “Does it have to be a name with meaning?” Victor asked as he watched Henry play his turn. “I would prefer it to, if possible.” Victor thought for a moment as he placed his next tile. “Percival is a good name,” Henry suggested with a smirk toward Victor. Victor gave a thoughtful look, then furrowed his brow and gave Henry a look of flat annoyance. “He can’t just have the name I didn’t take,” he muttered. “You had considered naming yourself Percival?” Creature inquired as he picked up a tile from the draw pile and placed it down, etching a twelve in his tallies. “Considered it, yes,” Victor grumbled in reply. “I… do like the sentiment of taking on your unused name,” Creature mentioned, thinking it through more as he watched Henry play his next turn. “Well- you can’t have it,” Victor responded, picking up two tiles and placing one down. “What about Prometheus? I fancied myself to be like him while I was making you, so there would be some meaning to it.” Creature took a moment to think, then shook his head. “I feel I really do not want something that relates in any way to my creation. Not… that I resent being created, mind you, but I have tried to put the past behind me as much as possible, as you know,” he explained as he set down his next tile. Victor sighed heavily, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand as Henry played his turn and scratched a twelve down for himself. They continued their turns in relative silence, until finally as the sun was beginning to set in the sky it was Victor who placed his final tile. Though he felt like he should be celebrating that, instead Victor felt… defeated. He got up, muttering, “Good game, both of you,” before sulking off back to the cabin. Henry watched him go with a concerned gaze. “Have I… said something wrong?” Creature asked quietly, suddenly beginning to worry that he had hurt his creator in some way. Henry sighed. “No, you’re fine,” he reassured him as he began collecting the tiles and placing them back into their holding pouch. “You coming inside?” Creature shook his head. “I… think I will stay out here for the time being.” Henry smiled at him and gave him an understanding nod before making his way to the cabin. As he stepped inside, he set the pouch down on the side table by the door and made his way into what they considered the ‘common space,’ where Victor sat by the fireplace which only softly glowed with a freshly started fire. “Are you alright, love?” Henry asked gently, sitting beside him and wrapping an arm around him. Victor heaved a shaky sigh and rested his head on Henry’s shoulder. “I just… I feel like I can’t do right by him,” he mumbled, pressing himself closer to his boyfriend. “Nothing I’ve ever done has been… right.” Henry listened carefully as he spoke, holding him tighter and resting his head against Victor’s. “Well, you’re trying, aren’t you?” he suggested softly. “I think he’s just happy that you’re trying.” “Trying isn’t enough,” Victor stated, sitting upright and staring into the small, flickering flames. “After all I’ve done and all I’ve said, trying isn’t enough.” “Then let’s change our approach,” Henry recommended with a smile, reaching out and gently turning Victor’s face toward him to give him a tender kiss. Victor exhaled softly and leaned into it, then slowly pulled back. “How so?” “We could start by doing what we did when we chose your name.” Victor’s eyes widened. “Oh!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “Henry, you’re a genius!” “I’m flattered, but that honor belongs to you, love,” Henry quipped with a grin. “Come on - let’s start reading.” The two of them scoured the collection of books that Henry had brought up with him, picking out names and sounding them off to each other one by one. They went through book after book until the sun disappeared and the sky went dark, either one of them occasionally throwing a new log into the fire to ensure they had plenty of light and warmth. After a few hours, Victor stared down at a page, and uttered, “I think I’ve got it.” Henry looked up from his own book and set it down, swiftly moving over to him. Victor pointed a word out to him. “That one.” Henry gave him a quizzical look. “Are you sure? That’s hardly a name.” Victor looked up at him. “I know, but think about the meaning! It’s perfect!” Henry thought for a moment, then wrapped his arms around him with a smile. “With a bit of tweaking, I think you might be right,” he murmured, planting a kiss on his cheek. “You really do mean it, don’t you.” Victor glanced back at him. “Hm?” “You’ve really come to care for him, I mean,” Henry explained, releasing his grip. Victor hesitated, but then nodded. “I have - genuinely. I just… hope this will be enough to prove it.” “I’m sure it will be perfect.” Creature was sitting out near the edge of the ledge, resting his weight on his hands as he stared up at the stars as they glittered above. Victor took a deep breath as he stepped outside and breathed out slowly. You can do this. It’ll be fine, he thought to himself as he walked over as quietly as he could. He sat beside his creation, and tilted his head back to look upward as well. Creature turned his head slightly to look at him, then returned to his stargazing. “Agape,” Victor said suddenly. “...What?” Creature asked, once again looking over to him. Victor kept his eyes on the stars, but smiled slightly. “Do you know what it means?” Creature stared at him, thinking, then returned his gaze upward. “It is… Greek.” “That’s right.” He thought some more, racking his brain for memories of the word. “One of the… three Greek forms of love, correct?” Victor nodded. “Indeed.” He glanced away as he continued to think. “...If I recall correctly, it is considered the highest form of love. A deep, profound respect. Some define it as… the mutual love between God and man, and between man and God.” Victor’s smile grew - his creation’s intelligence still continued to amaze and fascinate him. “That is also correct. Though… I think I’d like to propose a more general definition.” Creature looked over at him. “What definition would that be?” Victor took a moment, then closed his eyes. “The mutual love between a creator at his creation, and between a creation and his creator.” Creature’s eyes widened, and for the sake of trying not to immediately shed a tear by thinking about that statement, he stared back up to the heavens. “That is… a definition I could approve of.” “How about a name?” “A… name?” “Is it a name you could approve of?” Victor reiterated, opening his eyes and looking over to see that Creature was now once again staring at him, though this time clearly not trying to hide the tears in his gleaming yellow eyes. His silence disturbed him, and he looked away. “...No, no nevermind - forget it. Forget it.” “Victor I,” Creature began, his voice soft and shaken. “That is so much more of a meaningful name than I could have ever imagined.” Victor glanced back at him. “Are you sure?” Creature nodded, smiling wide as tears streamed down his face. “I have scarcely been more sure.” Victor swallowed back tears of his own and smiled back to him. “Then consider it finalized, Agape.” He paused, then leaned forward and embraced him as tightly as he could. “Agape Frankenstein, my first and only…” he paused, thinking for a moment, then smiled contentedly, “son. My first and only son.” Agape didn’t know how to react at first - he was overwhelmed with so many emotions; relief, hope, joy. The most he could do was wrap his arms around his creator - his father - and finally take in what it really meant to be loved.

#frankenstein #frankenstein au #clervalstein #fanfiction #victor frankenstein #Henry clerval #the creature

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nonbinaryeye · 3 years

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I was having the most wonderful dream…

Written for @jonahmagnusweek

Day 5 - Dreams

Both Jonah and Barnabas had very nice dreams that night. However they could not differ more.

Read on AO3

…

The world is in chaos. The chaos is being watched. Everything is being watched. The world is under surveillance and no one can escape it. The more one hate the feeling of being seen the more eyes are on them. No one can escape. Everyone is being perceived. The eyes are everywhere. Watching. Juduging. Knowing. There is no point trying to hide. It is impossible. All the little secrets one holds are now for everyone to behold. Everyone is being constantly examined and they can do nothing about it.

The world is gone. It is in the ruins and those ruins are being Known and Seen and Perceived as well. Because everything is. And the one in charge the Witness, the Beholder, the Watcher… It is him. He is in charge of this world and it is beautiful because he knows he created it. It would not be here if it wasn’t for him. He rightfully deserved his reign.

The dream would be terrifying to the most. It seems beautiful to Jonah Magnus. The knowledge is flowing though him and it feels ecstatic. It is too much. It is not enough. There is Crown on his head and he is the King of this ruined world.

Jonah is vaguely aware this all is a dream. The shapes of the world are not fully clear. The feelings are missing certain level of satisfaction. And also he cannot remember how he’s gotten here. He knows it is his creation. Of course it is; it must be! Yet no matter how hard Jonah is trying to remember the dream doesn’t tell him how to achieve the world. Not even a hint. It exists; it lures him in with promise of unlimited knowledge and immortal glory but how to create it? The dream is beautiful but it is not real he wants to know. He needs to know. If only he could focus there must be some clue how to achieve this perfect world he feels he is close but then-…

“Jonah, dear, are you aware you need to get up at some point?” There is a kiss on his cheek. There is a kiss on his lips. There is a kiss on his neck. There is more kisses and-

The dream is gone. He is lying in bed which is not exactly his but he has woken up here enough times he might call it that. There is his dear friend lying in the bed next to him having no idea how unwelcome is his interruption.

“I am awake, Barnabas,” Jonah whines and turns his back toward him. He closes his eyes again in the pointless hunt for the feeling that is no longer there. He knows the dream was important but the details are slipping between his fingers every second and it is so hard to focus because-…

“Are you? It doesn’t look like it Mr. Magnus!” Barnabas pulls him into a hug and the tight grip around his waist will now certainly prevent him from falling asleep. However it feels nice. And it is so tempting to let those dreams disappear and focus on the warmth of the body next to him.

“You keep insisting on me going to bed. Now you keep insisting on me getting out of it. You should decide and settle on one Mr. Bennett you are sending me contradicting messages.”

“Ah, yes! How dare I interrupt you in the middle of the night after ten hours of sitting behind that table of yours and try to persuade you to finally lie your smart head down! And how dare I try to suggest you might leave the embrace of blankets behind when the sun is up several hours. You missed the breakfast and there is a high chance you might miss the lunch as well!”

“There is still dinner?” Jonah suggests upon hearing dramatic speech of his dear friend. However he is not amused.

“Jonah!”

“I am all awake now, happy? Away from the realm of dreams. Speaking of dreams, you had any?”

Jonah finally turns to face Barnabas again. His chestnut hair is messy which is concerning because it means his own are in even worse state – curse those damn ginger curls! There is also cute blush in his cheeks and so he becomes genuinely curious about the answer.

“Oh I did actually. I dreamt about us. We were attending a ball. And I invited you for a dance. Everyone was looking at us. And they were all admiring us for we were the most beautiful couple. Then you kissed me and everyone was only jealous of us. No judgment no disgust. And we danced more. I know you will probably find it silly but it was really nice...”

Jonah smiles. Oh dear Barnabas even his dreams are as sweet as him. Almost too sweet. “On the contrary I find it lovely.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

The memory comes back to him. The world which is always looking and seeing. The promised unlimited knowledge and the flow on information. It all belongs to him and him only as the immortal ruler chosen by the Eye as mean to behold the sigh of the world he created.

“I cannot remember it properly but it was very similar to your dream I believe.”

Barnabas smiles at him and by the look in his eyes it is clear that only thing occupying his mind is Jonah.

Jonah smiles back and by the look in his eyes it is clear that Barnabas has no place in his thoughts right now. There are much more important things. The world he will create and build to fit his vision. One day! He will be the Watcher and he will get his Crown!

#yes Mr Magnus and Mr Bennett are sharing bed for some reason...#tma #tma fanfic #magnus archives fanfic #jonah magnus #barnabas bennett #jonahbas #jonahmagnusweek #jonah magnus week 2021 #Jonah week #mEye post #mEye fanfic #reblogs or comments and kudos on ao3 are appreciated

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tc-doherty · 3 years

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Rating My Old Work Part 1

Today I'm starting an idea that was given to me by my friend and I'm going to be rating my finished novels in the order that I wrote them in (I'm going to be doing these in batches so the posts don't get too long):

Title: This Beautiful World

Year of completion: 2009

About: I don't use the word cringe, but this is certainly not based on an idea that I would be willing to write about today and I don't really want to talk about it in detail. I read it a few years ago and I don't really mind it, it's kind of bland and repetitive but certainly not terrible. I am never coming back to it though. This was the first time that I did NaNoWriMo and it was also the first novel that I finished the full draft of so it was a really fun experience and because of that I do still have fond memories of it even though it's. You know. Not good.

Rating: 2/10

Title: Silverwood

Year of completion: 2010

About: Silverwood cannot possibly be turned into a novel. It is a four generation spanning socio-political fantasy epic which exists almost entirely through Tumblr shitposts at this point which is really what it deserves. But I love the story, the characters, and the world building, I started writing this in middle school, lots of my friends have been involved with it, I still like to write drabbles and figure out what certain characters are doing and things like that. I love it but I understand - now- that it is not actually completable. Nonetheless I did try.

Rating: 5/10 because I’m biased

Title: Mr. Tibbles’ Grand Adventure

Year of completion: 2011

About: This is a book about a little old man who goes on an adventure with his cat after a prophecied hero who was supposed to do the adventure dies in a tragic accident in his hometown. I wrote this because I had a dream where I was already a published author giving an interview on a TV talk show and they asked what I was working on and this is the synopsis that I gave in my dream and then I woke up that I wanted to write it. This is also the novel that people ask me about the most. I've only ever written two drafts of it, and no one is ever read it, but multiple people do ask me about it from time to time.

Rating: 6/10, I think the ending is pretty weak but it is still an idea that I may come back to and try to write properly some day

Title: Elder

Year of completion: 2011

About: This one is really bland, I've read it a few times and I always get the feeling that I phoned it in while I was writing it. Like I got bored of it while I hadn't even finished it. But it was a fantasy adventure set to a frame story of an original fairytale, and actually I still quite like the fairytale. And I'm certain I could do this better but I don't really know that I care about the characters or the world or even the plot all that much. So it’s certainly an idea that I would take and apply to something else rather than rewriting this. I also know that this was inspired by something, but for the life of me I cannot remember where I got the original idea.

Rating: 7/10, but three of those points are for the fairytale only

#writeblr #march social media challenge #I promise I do actually like my own writing #But naturally I've gotten much better over time

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veliseraptor · 4 years

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Top 5 fics/characters/scenes that were hard to write for whatever reason, but u pulled thru :)

this is such an encouraging ask, thank you! it is a nice reminder that I can write things, actually, even when it is hard. I went with fics because that is easiest to remember, but lord are there for sure characters it’s a bear to write. I am fundamentally a coward who generally just tries to avoid those, though.

1. The Compassion of the Wicked. Writing Lymond fic is like pulling teeth. It just is. It’s hard and it’s slow and it’s often painful and usually I can end up with something I’m proud of, eventually, but it feels like I wrung blood from a stone doing it. Even more than gather frankincense that was true of this fic, I think partly because it was an interesting experiment in “how do I write threesome smut in a voice that fits with the overall tone of this fic” and what I ended up with was mostly the most allusive smut scene I’ve ever written and probably ever will write.

Also had to figure out writing Joleta! That was another piece of this fic - she was a character who didn’t come as naturally to me in terms of writing as (relatively speaking) Lymond and Gabriel both do.

2. we live until we die. The most ambitious crossover ever! aka when you build an 850,000 word edifice of AU and then you have to confront a culminating plot moment you’ve been building toward in the wake of two movies that left a lot of people very unhappy, juggling an enormous cast of characters and a snarl of continuity created over the course of six years of haphazard worldbuilding done in fits and starts, involving heavy doses of things like “plot” and “action” - god but this fic fought me! It took me, what, eight months to write? Not including the bits I wrote five years ago, I’m not counting that. But yeah, getting this fic to the finish line was a bear and a half. Ultimately I’m pretty pleased with what came out, barring a few sections I just don’t look at too closely, I feel like I more or less stuck the landing, which was the assignment I set myself here. And if I don’t end up going back to this verse (though I’d like to!) I feel good about where I’ve left it.

3. With Absolute Splendor. sometimes a person gets an ask that they take as a prompt even though it was meant for a five headcanons meme and then that person runs away with that prompt and it grows into this massive animal that provokes fits of mild hysterics over fears of having dealt with everything adequately, and are all the loose ends under control, and oh no a piece of editing feedback that gives me the overpowering urge to scrap all 120 pages of the damn thing--

Anyway, while this fic might well end up going down as the most popular thing I’ve written, second only to Life in Reverse which has several years on it, it was a lot of sweat and blood and tears getting there, particularly in the editing process, where I went through an aggressive bout of sturm and drang and self-doubt over a few things about it that had me pitching one of my periodic WELL MAYBE I SHOULD JUST DELETE THE WHOLE THING fits. But hey! It got posted, and it certainly seems to have gone over well so far!

4. we’re not friends, we’re strangers with memories. I was writing this one concurrently with Life in Reverse but in some ways I think it was harder, for a couple different reasons. One is just the fact that it was my first really long and ambitious fic that I’d...ever written, at the time. (Prior to this one I think the longest fic I’d written was After Life, Death which actually did almost match this one for word count, apparently. But that was in 2010.)

The second is the fact that as I was writing I had no idea where I was going for a good...first half of the fic, and then I knew where I was going (that Loki was going to die) but had no idea how I was going to get there. I was fumbling around trying to write myself through a dark forest, which at this point is pretty normal for me but back then with my prior experience largely being oneshots it involved a lot of screaming.

But I did manage to write through it and finish the damn thing! And while I don’t know if I could reread it without wincing (I haven’t tried) I feel like it mostly did what I wanted it to do at the time. And I’m still very proud of that last couple of chapters.

5. how this grace thing works. This fic took me years to write because I took a long pause in the middle where I got stalled and then drifted away from the books and then had to come back for a reread before I finished it, and I think what got in the way here was a lot of ‘this is nice and I feel weird about it’ which is a feeling that happens to me sometimes if I write something that feels like it’s...on the sweeter and lighter side. It feels weird and sort of wrong and therefore I start to think it must be bad.

I don’t know either, this does seem like it has some unfortunate implications for my state of mind but you know what.

runners up for this could’ve included almost any fic I wrote, especially ones longer than 10k where I almost always hit my crisis about how it’s bad and worthless and I should just give up. the vast majority of my writing attacks me like an overstimulated cat at some point during the process.

#crocordile #conversating #top five meme #confessions of a frustrated writer

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bookerlausanne · 4 years

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Now That I’m Free

A Destiel Secret Santa gift for @i-like-to-think-i-am-cool via this year’s @destielsecretsanta2020 ;)

I hope you have a wonderful holiday and that you can enjoy this fluffy, ridiculous mess I typed after 5 glasses of wine.

Summary: Dean finally has the words if he can only give them voice.

Warnings: I just had a breakup this week #2020, so this is the schmoopyiest, melodramatic, harlequinesque, most ridiculous thing I’ve ever written. I’m sorry it’s so short. Post season 15. In no way canon compliant.

“Now that I’m free to be

Myself, who am I?”

Mary Oliver, Blue Iris

It was Christmas Eve and Dean Winchester was alone.

He sat in front of a beautiful tree filled with generic ornaments – nothing saved from his and Sammy’s childhood, nothing much to speak of on the road with their- with John. He wore his Star Wars ugly Christmas Sweater and sat staring at the lights with shitty cooking Bourbon in a chipped coffee mug sitting untouched and sweating next to him.

Sammy and Eileen are headed his way tomorrow, plans adjusted to accommodate Eileen’s eight-month pregnant body having trouble sleeping in anything other than her own bed. Dean would have been more than happy to drive to them, but the change of plans came too late to reach their house in time and the concern on Sam’s face begrudgingly prevented him from any teasing or complaints. Jack will be (Dean’s willing to bet) in pj’s and drinking hot cocoa in this very spot just waiting at 4:30 in the freaking morning for the rest of their family to arrive.

And Cas-

Well, Cas might show up, might not. Not like Dean’s his keeper or his bosom sister or his confidant or possibly even his friend, certainly not his lover-

Dean eyed the mug full of Bourbon and breathed out slowly. His jaw clenched and unbidden the last two years flashed before his eyes: Cas getting pulled into the Empty, defeating Chuck, Jack becoming the new Big Man Above, and Cas – fuck – Cas alive and standing in the middle of the Bunker with nothing more than a “Hello, Dean.” a perfunctory hug and an adios back to Heaven. Yet, again.

Dean knows he’s not being fair. Cas still half lives with him in the bunker. Well, not lives lives. Ok, so he does technically live here but in his own room and with barely any contact with Dean. Not really, not anymore. And Dean knows it’s been a rough time coming off something like what happened, what he endured – yet again – what he said. Confessed.

Dean shifts in his chair, closes his eyes, and tilts his head against the wall behind him.

“Fuck.”

It’s his fault and he knows it. He has always known. It’s always him. The air between him and Cas is nothing less than intense. Fraught. Cut it with a stone thick. Because for all that Cas found the courage to say everything he did that night, Dean has felt thick tongued and uncomfortable ever since. Which, of course, Cas has noticed and tried to give him space for. Which, of course, has hurt Cas’s feelings and created a seemingly vast distance of space between them. Which, of course, as previously mentioned, is all Dean’s fault.

But be it Kismet or Karma or just Jack, tonight that is going to change. It has too.

Because Dean isn’t getting any younger. It’s not like he’s unaware but it’s something he thinks about much more frequently than he used too – especially while working on fixing up the bunker to accommodate the next round of Hunters. A Bunch of Badass Bitches as Claire likes to say. Dean smiles at the memory of the exasperated look on Cas’s face hearing her say that.

“Suck it up, Buttercup.” He mumbles to himself before taking a moment to just breathe. He gets up and clears his small amount of dinner dishes and the mug to the kitchen before coming back to the tree. He stands there half transfixed, grits his teeth for a moment and begins.

“I pray to the angel Castiel – uh, hey Cas, look, I don’t know if you’re busy but I just need you to listen for a minute and uh yeah,” Dean clears his throat and takes a moment. “Back when, when you said what you said – look, I- I know things are strained right now and I take the blame for that, ok? You deserved a response then and after and now and I –“

The unmistakable sound of Cas appearing behind him makes him pause. And he knows, god knows Dean can sense Cas around him like they’re tethered heart to heart in any plane of existence. There is a brief silence filled with so much expectation it’s almost unbearable and Dean knows – as sure as he’s ever known anything – that this is the most important moment of his entire life. He feels sick. He feels a bead of terrified, anxious sweat roll down the side of his face. He continues.

“I- I don’t have to tell you some sob story about an unloving parent who heaped a bunch of homophobic shit onto his too-pretty son. At this point it’s hardly a secret that my dad was an ass. But that kind of fear that you develop…” Dean stops and shakes head. “Look, what matters is that I couldn’t respond to you that night. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know and – yeah maybe that makes me the biggest asshole in the world to be so blind but I – I didn’t know. And I didn’t know what to say. And, when you came back, I still didn’t know what to say. I was frozen.”

Dean feels the tension behind him wind tight and he knows – god he knows he’s fucking this up but he has to try. He opens his eyes to the lights of the tree in front of him and fights to hold it together.

“I was frozen in the eye of a storm – because, Cas, I’m not the hero in this story. I’m not the good guy – no matter how hard I try. I-I’m not worthy. I’m not – fuck – I’m selfish.” Dean’s terrified but he must turn around. He must face this. He turns with tears in his eyes and sees Cas standing there just as wide eyed and teary as he imagined he would be. He’s hanging onto Dean’s every word because it doesn’t matter if he knows every piece of Dean’s heart, he still needs to hear it. Dean walks over to Cas until their positions are a perfect match for that night. Cas sees the struggle and determination on Dean’s face – still beautiful – and begins to hope.

“Cas, I love you.”

There is one moment where both men feel as though caught in the eye of a storm. The shock of Dean’s confession stills both until suddenly –

“I love you, too. I should have said it then, that night. I should have said it then. I should have torn down the walls of the deepest pit of Hell, torn down the foundations of Heaven myself to find you and tell you that I love you, Cas. Because I do – fuck – Cas.” Dean’s hands are cupping the sides of Cas’s face, thumbs trailing through tears of joy and shock and awe streaming from his too-blue eyes. The sight of his tears cuts into the marrow of his bones and Dean realizes that he has never, will never love anyone like he loves Cas.

And then Dean kisses him. Soft and sweet and so full of love he feels like he could die with it because despite every negative, horrible, shameful thought that tries to break loose and tear up his mind Dean finally understands. He finally has processed and internalized and begun to believe. As Cas laughs and pulls him close murmuring his own words of love before making Dean’s breath catch at the passion of his kiss – how he slides a hand in Dean’s hair and tilts him as he likes, tasting the sweetness of his hot, wet mouth. And when Cas breaks their kiss to sweep Dean in his arms – making them both laugh at how ridiculous they must look - just to spin him around and shout with joy… that belief within Dean grows even stronger.

He is worthy. Worthy of love.

And he’s finally ready to fall.

#destiel #secret santa #christmas 2020 #fluff #mlm

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snowdice · 4 years

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Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 42]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag proofread stories. I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

Alright. Time for a bit more editing because I decided to just go to bed last night.

Chapter 16

“Well done,” Logan complimented when Virgil looked up at him for approval. It was the first time Virgil was trying to make the protection charms without Logan’s direct help. Logan was, of course, still in the room in case he had questions and the boy had a written set of instructions next to him, but for the most part Virgil was doing it on his own.

“Now,” Virgil said squinting down at the paper next to him, “we wait for 35 minutes.”

“Fifty actually,” Logan corrected.

“Oh, yeah, right,” Virgil said. He grabbed the timer and set it for the appropriate time. Then, he stepped away from Logan’s nontoxic potion station. Logan saw him edge a bit closer to peak at what Logan was working on, though he was careful to maintain a distance. Logan wasn’t sure if this was because he’d been warned of the possible harmful substances Logan sometimes used at his experiment table or because he was worried Logan might not want him to approach.

Logan looked up at him. “You can come closer. Nothing here is very dangerous.”

Virgil nodded and walked over to peer at the boiling pot. “What are you making?” he asked.

“I am once again attempting to invent a potion that will reliably remove cat hair from clothing and blankets,” Logan said, glancing over at Patton.

Patton looked up from the bracelet he was making and stuck his tongue out at Logan.

“I can never seem to find an adequate solution,” Logan said.

“The solution is to accept all parts of kitty love!” Patton insisted.

“Or maybe the solution is to exile you from my room for the rest of time,” Logan muttered. Patton chose to ignore him and went back to working on the bracelet.

“Do you want any help?” Virgil offered Logan.

Logan smiled at him. “I’m actually almost finished with this step and there isn’t much left to do but thank you.”

Virgil nodded. “Oh, okay,” he said. He shifted back and forth a few times.

“You’re well on your way to mastering this potion,” Logan said. “I was thinking that I could start teaching you how to make a tracking charm. I marked a passage about it in the book on that shelf.” He gestured to the shelf near the station Virgil had been working at. “Why don’t you go ahead and read that while you wait?”

“The…” Virgil said. “The green book?”

“Yes,” Logan said. “I left a bookmark in the correct page.”

“Um… yeah, sure. I’ll go… read that.”

Logan nodded and turned back to put the finishing touches on his own potion as Virgil walked away. A few minutes later, he finished up what he was doing to his potion and covered it to let it simmer. He looked over to see that Patton had flopped onto his back, still working on the bracelet and Virgil had sat near to him with the book open on his lap. Logan walked over to them.

“What do you think?” Logan asked.

Virgil glanced up at him. “Erm,” he said. “Looks good.”

“Which option do you like best?”

“…The second one.”

“Really?” Logan asked, surprised.

“Uh… yes?”

“I’m surprised,” Logan commented. “I figured you would shy away from the ones that require your own blood.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he said. “I… didn’t notice that. I would like to not do that one, please.”

“You didn’t notice?” Logan asked. “Half of the entire first page is dedicated to a discussion of it.”

There was a beat of awkward silence.

“Virgil,” Logan said slowly. “Would you read the first paragraph on that page for me?”

Virgil grimaced.

“You can’t read?!”

“Logan, tone,” Patton snapped when Virgil flinched.

Logan took a breath. “I am not upset that you cannot read, but what have you been doing for the past week when I have given you written instructions for the protection charm potion?”

“Not… reading it.”

“How have you been making the potion?” Logan asked.

“I just remember the steps, and if I’m not sure I ask. You’re usually distracted enough that you barely notice.”

“If I had known this, we would have done a completely auditory explanation.”

“Sorry.”

Logan sighed. “You didn’t need to pretend, Virgil.”

Virgil blinked up at him. “Sorry.”

Logan just shook his head. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for. In fact, you are the one who is owed apologies from many people in your life for a multitude of reasons.” He knelt down to take the book from him. “Here,” he said. “For now, I will read this passage to you while we wait for the potions to finish brewing. Later we can talk about changing my lesson plans in reference to the potions as well as adding reading lessons into your schedule.”

“You… want to teach me how to read?” Virgil asked.

“If you are willing,” Logan replied. “It’s a useful skill to have and opens up many doors.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it,” Virgil said with a frown.

“If you can memorize an entire potion recipe from start to finish with inadequate vocal instructions, I’m sure you can learn the alphabet perfectly well.”

“Okay,” he replied, sounding a bit doubtful.

“And once we get you to an appropriate level, I’ll let you read a book about stars I enjoyed in my youth.” He seemed pleased with that prospect, and Logan smiled at him. “For now though, let’s read this together.”

“Okay,” Virgil said. Logan opened the book in his lap and started to read. He noticed that Virgil was leaning over to look at the page despite the fact that he couldn’t read it, and so he began to point to the words as he read. His reactions to the words on the page were honestly quite funny when Logan caught them. His nose would scrunch up in confusion every time he thought an instruction nonsensical, and he’d squint his eyes at the words as though willing the sounds and letters to connect in his head. Logan wouldn’t be surprised with his memory if he had parts of it memorized by the end.

After a few minutes of reading, a light weight descended on Logan’s shoulder. Virgil had settled his chin on Logan’s shoulder to peer at the words. Logan did his best not to draw attention to this fact and shot a glare at Patton when he clearly noticed, sitting up to smile widely at them. Luckily, Patton was sensible enough not to squeal as he oh so clearly wanted to. Logan pointed out a picture while explaining what the caption said and then gave a personal antecedent. Virgil touched the page curiously and asked a question about the story before laying his head back down on Logan’s shoulder. They continued in this way until the potions were finished.

Chapter 17

Virgil’s suspicion was growing. Logan and Patton seemed to have something planned. Luckily, whatever it was didn’t seem to be malicious, at least, Virgil hoped it wasn’t. He truly didn’t think that Patton had it in him to be so clearly excited about anything cruel. He also didn’t think Logan had it in him to be cruel, he was just was better at masking his excitement.

“What?” Logan asked innocently when Virgil gave him a pointed look the second Patton left to do ‘something’. Virgil would almost believe he truly wasn’t planning anything if it wasn’t for the way his lips twitched just a bit at the corners. Virgil glared harder.

Logan dared to laugh lightly at the expression on his face. “Come here,” he requested. “Patton wanted me to make you pick out a book for him to read to you tonight since, I quote ‘You’ve gotten to read him all sorts of stories the last few days.’ I attempted to explain that it was not purely for fun, but he insisted.”

Virgil grumbled, but wandered over to look over at the books laid out on Logan’s bed, settling his chin on Logan’s shoulder. “What do they say?” he asked.

Logan pointed to each in turn. “Five Dragons and a Flame. The End of May. A Stone in the Meadow. Or you can continue to read The Never-ending Garden.”

“I want to finish The Never-Ending Garden,” Virgil decided.

“Good choice.”

“Now will you tell me what you’re doing?” Virgil asked.

Logan just chuckled. Honestly, it was like he didn’t know that he had an assassin right next to his carotid artery. “Why do you think something is happened?”

“Patton’s a shit liar.”

“Be careful,” Logan said. “I might just have to tell him you said that.”

“Then I’ll tell him what you said when you accidently dropped the lavender into that potion,” Virgil threatened back.

“Hmm,” Logan said. “Truce?”

“On that,” Virgil agreed, “but you still need to tell me what’s going on.”

“It is a surprise. A nice surprise,” Logan informed him. He looked at Virgil’s face. “Don’t pout at me.”

Virgil had not been aware that what he was doing was pouting, but he did whatever it was harder.

“Patton would murder me,” Logan claimed, “but I suggest you try that on him the next time you have a chance. You will certainly get whatever you want.”

Virgil sighed and gave up, figuring he’d learn whatever the surprise was soon enough. He chose to flop down on top of the pile of pillows on the floor that had been laid out already. It was his fourth ever slumber party and the first had only been a week ago. He did not know much about slumber parties, but that felt like a lot.

Goodness, it had already been two weeks. He looked up at the ceiling. He felt safe here. He felt like he didn’t need to watch Logan’s every move as he organized things in his room, but it wasn’t going to last, was it? The king was set to be back in a week. Virgil needed to actually attempt to escape soon. He hated that fact. He didn’t want to leave, and he certainly didn’t want to go back. Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he’d figure something else out, but no mater what, he did have to escape, and soon. He looked over at Logan who was slotting the books Virgil hadn’t picked back into place on the bookshelf. Not tonight.

There was a knock on the door in a familiar pattern, and Logan walked over to open it for Patton. Virgil sat up to shoot a confused look at the giant thing that Patton rolled in.

“Ta da!” Patton said excitedly.

Virgil blinked at him.

“It’s food,” Logan explained.

Virgil perked up immediately. That must be a lot of food if he needed that to carry it.

“I know you haven’t gotten a chance to try a lot of different foods, so I asked Mama if I could use the kitchen earlier today and made a bunch of different type of food samples for you to try.”

That sounded like literally the best idea in the universe. These people were very good at surprises and Virgil would not question them again ever for the rest of his life (or, well, the next couple of days he was around them before he tried to escape and either managed it or died a bloody and painful death).

Patton seemed to feed off of Virgil’s excitement, practically vibrating himself as he gestured to different parts of the cart. “We have a bunch of types of cheese and crackers, mini sandwiches, different smoked meats, six types of pasta, and every leftover I could find on this shelf. On this shelf, we have things with hot sauce, things with spicy dry rubs, curries, and things with a lot of peppers. I’ve ordered them by spiciness level so we can what you can handle, and we’ll only go as far as you want. Then this shelf is a bunch of types of cookies, mini cakes, pies, and ice cream!”

“We are not starting with the sweets,” Logan said firmly.

“But Lo!” Patton whined.

“We do not want to make him sick, do we?” Logan asked.

Patton pouted. Virgil honestly had no preference. All food was good food in his experience.

“Fine,” Patton said. “We’ll start with the cheese.”

They had him sit back in the center of the blanket pile and handed him little portions of things. Some of the cheese tasted weird at first and Patton would giggle at the faces of surprise he made, but Virgil managed to if not like, then tolerate almost all of them.

Then came the different sandwiches, some hot and some cold and all of the pasta and leftovers. Virgil eyed the plate of fettuccine alfredo long after they had moved on.

“You can have some more at the end if you still have room,” Logan promised with a fond smile. Virgil frowned at him. “You want to try all of the food, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then you can’t eat an entire plate of fettucine alfredo.”

“Maybe you can’t,” Virgil said darkly.

Logan just rolled his eyes and passed him another plate.

Eventually they moved on to the next shelf full of what was deemed ‘spicy food.’

“Part of this is figuring out what level of spiciness you can handle,” Patton said. “So, tell us when it gets to be a bit too much and we’ll move on two the deserts. Also, milk helps wash the spicy stuff that so drink some if you need to!”

Virgil nodded and accepted the first dish on that rack.

Virgil, it turned out, liked what they called “spicy” food even though some of it made his nose run a little bit. It was kind of fun to eat them, honestly. Some of them hurt a tiny bit, but they also tasted really good. It was strange.

“I am impressed and horrified,” Logan said when he finished that shelf. “Do you… have nerve endings in your mouth?”

Virgil shrugged. “Well,” Patton said, sounding pleased. “Now it’s time for the best part! Assuming you still have room.” Virgil nodded immediately and Patton handed him a plate he’d covered with chunks of cookies he’d torn off. He ate every single one of those and then went through the rest of the deserts. Everything was fantastic and he’d like to investigate a few of the cakes once more, but…

He pointed insistently at the fettuccine alfredo.

Logan shook his head but handed it over. “How many stomachs do you have?”

Virgil did not care to respond, choosing instead to shove his mouth full of pasta.

When he was done with that, he laid back to relax and digest the food, feeling very content. Logan and Patton had also eaten a bit of the different dishes and were finishing up themselves.

“You good there?” Patton asked after a moment of Virgil just laying with his eyes closed.

Virgil nodded.

“Did you like your surprise?”

“Uh huh.”

“It seems he will not be doing any of the other planned activities for a little while at least,” Logan said. “So now might be a good time for you two to read,” he suggested. “I’ll get the rest of the food stored in case we want something more later.”

“Okay,” Patton agreed. Virgil didn’t open his eyes, but felt Patton settle next to him. Virgil rolled slightly, so his head rested against the side of Patton’s leg. A hand touched softly down on the top of Virgil’s head and Virgil heard a page flip. “So, let’s see. I’m not sure when exactly you fell asleep last time, but how about we start at the Troll Bridge?”

Virgil hummed his ascent.

“Okay,” Patton agreed as he started to read. “‘Melly stepped onto the bridge backwards while sticking her tongue out at Al, but Lydia’s eyes widened as a large looming figure stepped up behind her….’” Virgil listened happily to him read about the four children. He liked this book. He hoped they managed to finish reading it before Virgil had to go.

Chapter 18

They made it all the way to the big blowout between Al and Melly where Melly got mad and left the group to their fate in the magical garden by the time Virgil awakened completely from his food coma (he’d never actually fallen asleep, or at least he always responded when Patton asked) and squirmed around for a bit before sitting up.

Logan hadn’t been particularly interested in the story he’d heard many times before and was reading a book of his own on Patton’s other side, but he put a bookmark in his book when Virgil sat.

“Want to take a break from reading?” Patton asked. “We can do a bit more later, but we have more than just food and books planned for tonight.

“Okay,” Virgil agreed easily.

“Great!” Patton said clapping his hands. “We’re going to introduce you to the most fun sleepover party event ever!”

Virgil tilted his head.

“Dress up!” Patton said. “Also make-overs. We’ll do you first and then we’ll help you learn how to help pick out other people’s outfits and make-up. If you want to, of course.”

“Sure,” Virgil said with a shrug.

“Yay!” Patton hopped to his feet. “You stay here. Lo and I will get everything ready.”

He pulled Logan to his feet and over to the chair that was the perfect height for doing make-up.

They set up what they’d need for make-up and then Patton instructed Logan to grab the clothes of his they usually used for this sort of thing out the closet that Virgil wasn’t set up in while he grabbed the pieces he himself had brought upstairs and strew them over the bed so they could see anything.

Smiling happily, Patton looked over at Virgil who had stood up in the giant pile of pillows and blankets to watch him with intense eyes. He looked like he was memorizing every action Patton took as though expecting a test at the end. He was so adorable. A rush of affection and a touch of mischief hit him suddenly.

“Hey Virgil,” Patton said. Virgil looked over at him. “Can I tackle hug you into that pile of pillows?”

“Tackle hug?” he asked.

“I run over and hug you so hard that we fall into the blankets. I do it to Logan all the time without warning, but I didn’t want to confuse you.”

Virgil considered the offer for a couple of seconds. “Okay,” he finally decided.

“Great!” Patton did a little hop before launching himself across the room. He slammed into Virgil, who apparently had very good balanced because they didn’t immediately fall backwards, but then he seemed to remember that he was supposed to let Patton slam him into the pillows, and so he fell back on his own power.

Patton giggled when they hit the ground and drew back to look at his face. “I got you!” He leant forward to kiss him on the nose. “Oh wait! I should let you fight back.” He propped himself up on one arm and held out the other hand. “Pinkie promise not to hurt anyone if I let you use the 3rd setting again?”

“Pinkie promise,” he agreed with a grin, linking their pinkies.

“Great!” Without hesitation, Patton did the hand motion to allow the restraints to be in the third setting.

Patton was on his back almost instantly, but he didn’t even have a chance to think about worrying before Virgil pressed a kiss to his nose in a mirror of what Patton had done a moment before. “I got you,” he said proudly.

“So, you do,” Patton agreed with a laugh. He reached up on of his hands to card it through Virgil’s hair. Virgil leaned into the touch and then practically melted on top of him. “Virgil,” Patton laughed. “It isn’t nap time.”

He grumbled something unintelligible into Patton’s neck making Patton giggle more.

“Sweetie, please.”

Thankfully Logan saved him from the unrelenting cuddling by poking Virgil in the side. “I have finished preparing the stations for the makeover and dress up. You need to get up now.”

Virgil made a noise that sounded like a growl, but he did roll off of Patton.

Patton hopped to his feet and helped Virgil up before pulling him over to the piles of clothes. “We pick the outfit first, but you don’t put it on. Then, we do your make-up and hair based on it. Then, we get you dressed and do touch ups. Okay? Pick anything you want.”

Virgil looked over the options, eyes going a bit wide. “It…” he said. “It all looks really fancy and expensive. Are you sure you want me to touch any of it?”

“We wouldn’t be offering anything we didn’t want you to touch,” Logan said gently. “In fact, I insist you touch all of it. Beyond just appearance, making sure the texture of the fabric is agreeable is a large part of this activity.”

Patton picked up one of the pieces of fabric he knew was very soft and offered it to him. He touched it with careful fingers, his eyes lighting up at the feel of it. They had to continue nudging him into feeling the different fabrics, and he hesitated when they asked him to pick his favorite at the end, but eventually he shyly pointed at a dark purple dress.

Patton clapped. “Great! Ooo, I already have some ideas for make-up that will go with that.”

Virgil let Patton pull him over to the chair they’d set up and settled down on it.

29009

Patton hummed. “I think silver and purple make-up mostly?” he said.

Logan nodded and they grabbed a few things from the make-up kit. Logan let Patton do most of the make-up as he tended to be better at the more creative parts, but Logan was the one who gave him the fancy winged eye liner with purple sparkles because he was really good at them.

“You look fantastic!” Patton squealed when they were done. He held up a hand mirror for Virgil who studied himself in it for a long few moments. “Do you like it?”

“It’s really nice,” Virgil confirmed. Patton smiled and hugged him.

“Next hair. We have a lot of accessories. I’ll let you pick from the purple ones.”

He and Logan sorted through the jewelry box full of different hair accessories for the royal family and ended up finding three purple ones. Patton hesitated a bit over one of them, but Logan picked it up and set it in front of Virgil for him.

“Your choice from these three,” he said.

One was a purple feather with little hooks to braid into hair, one was a smattering of purple and silver stars that would weave through the back of someone’s hair, and the last was a string of silver leaves with purple tips that would wrap up the back of a person’s head from a bun.

Virgil thought for a moment and then pointed to the one made of leaves.

Patton glanced at Logan who took the hairpiece. “I’ll do your hair right for that one,” he said. “I know how it fits.”

He grabbed the brush and carefully ran it through Virgil’s hair. Virgil seemed to like the attention, leaning into the touch, and a smile flickered over Logan’s face. Logan started gathering the hair together to make the low bun that would be the base of hair arrangement. Patton honestly did not expect him to speak, but then he did as he started to secure the piece with pins.

“This was my Pa’s favorite hairpiece,” Logan said. “Not the father you came here for, but my other one. He died when I was six.”

Virgil went shock still. “I don’t have to...”

“I wouldn’t have let it be offered if I wasn’t okay with you using it,” Logan said.

Virgil didn’t move as he finished securing the hairpiece. “There,” Logan said when he was done. He picked up the hand mirror and positioned it so Virgil could see. “It suits you.”

“I…” Virgil said. His eyes were wide, and he clearly didn’t know what to say.

“Now,” Logan said. “I believe there are some other pieces of jewelry that would match this very well in the other room. I…” he turned away. “If you will excuse me.”

He turned away and exited through his bedroom door into the hallway. Patton watched him go and then turned to Virgil. “I’m going to go make sure he’s okay, okay?” Patton asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong, there’s just a lot of emotions.”

“I can take it out…” Virgil said.

“No,” Patton said. “I think he likes that you’re wearing it.” Virgil bit his lip. “He never really moved on,” Patton felt inclined to say. “This is… a lot for him, but I think it’s good too.” He leaned forward to kiss the top of his head, being careful not to mess up his artfully done hair. “I’ll be right back.”

He turned to follow Logan out of the room.

Chapter 19

Thomas sighed in relief as the door to the royal wing finally came into sight. He was exhausted from his journey to Lamir for many reasons. Beyond just the physically taxing journey, he’d also had to deal with the emotions of loosing someone he had thought of as a friend while also trying to help her young daughter who had just had the crown thrust upon her.

Now he just wanted to see his own child and curl up into bed. He smiled at Owen and Kalani as he approached. “Is Logan here?” he asked.

Owen nodded. “The prince and his royal advisor are having a slumber party.”

Thomas smiled. “Of course, they are,” he said.

He said goodnight to the two guard as they’d be getting off duty soon even if he did manage to drag himself out of his room again tonight and walked past them into the hall.

He walked past the room where they kept the jewels, though was unsurprised to see that the room was unlatched as Patton loved playing around with the different jewelry and had probably left it open when he grabbed them. He was however surprised when his son’s room’s door was thrown open, as Logan usually couldn’t stand for the thing to be open with or without him in it.

Thomas didn’t think much of it however, and simply walked over to look inside. He was surprised when he didn’t see his son or Patton and instead saw that the only person in the room was a young boy that Thomas did not recognize. He was seated in one of Logan’s chairs and had his head tilted looking at himself in the mirror. He seemed to be trying to get a look at the ornament on the back of his head, and Thomas felt his heart seize a little bit when he recognized the hairpin.

He hadn’t recovered from that gut punch when the boy’s eyes drifted and met his in the mirror. There were a couple of long seconds where the two of them stared at each other in silence.

“Hello?” Thomas finally managed to get out.

Panic. There was suddenly horribly intense panic in the child’s eyes, the likes of which Thomas had never seen before. Thomas could only blink dumbly as he hopped to his feet like his seat was suddenly made of hot coals and then threw himself across the room to the opposite side from Thomas.

He looked around himself, back to the wall and considered Thomas with wildly spooked eyes. Clearly, he realized that he was pinned in Logan’s room by Thomas being in the door.

The boy dropped suddenly and disappeared under Logan’s bed.

“Uh,” Thomas said, confused and shocked and still a bit in pain from seeing that piece of jewelry in use. He crossed slowly over to the bed and bent down to look under it, moving the bed skirt slightly to the side. He saw a small shaking blob curled up into itself under the bed. “Um, hi,” he said softly.

The blob did not respond except to continue shaking.

Thomas frowned and settled himself onto the floor. “It’s okay,” he said softly. Had he been here stealing things? Thomas had to wonder as he wasn’t sure why someone here for legitimate reasons would be acting so terrified of being caught. Though, that posed the question of how he’d gotten past the guards, and why Logan hadn’t noticed him. “I’m not mad,” Thomas said. “You’re fine.”

The boy looked up briefly from his knees looking terrified. Thomas tried to smile at him gently, but that just made him hunch into himself more, his breathes coming faster. That wasn’t good.

“No, shh,” Thomas said softly. “It’s okay. I promise it’s okay.” He did not seem to believe him, and Thomas winced. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just leave him here but trying to talk him down himself didn’t seem to be working.

Luckily, a familiar voice spoke from behind him then. “Dad?” Logan asked.

Thomas looked back at him. Both Logan and Patton were standing at the door, a couple of pieces of jewelry in their hands. They seemed very surprised to see him.

“You… seem to have a guest,” Thomas informed them.

“I…” Logan said, beginning to edge into the room like he was expecting something to blow up at any moment. “Yes.” He got to Thomas and squeezed himself between him and the bed, putting a physical barrier between Thomas and the boy. Confused, Thomas took a couple of steps away without challenge. “That,” Logan glanced behind him. Patton had moved to the opposite side of the bed from Logan and Thomas and had gotten to his knees to look under it. “That is Virgil.”

Thomas blinked at him. “Virgil?” he asked.

“He’s… new to the castle,” Logan explained. Patton started speaking softly the boy, but Thomas could not make anything he said out. “Patton and I… invited him to a sleepover.”

“The guards didn’t mention anything,” Thomas said, sure that they would have warned him if there was a stranger in the royal wing.

“Uh, well, Virgil is… shy and we didn’t think you’d be back for another week. So, we snuck him past them.”

“Shy?” Thomas asked doubtfully. That was a lot more than shy.

“Particularly of adults,” Logan said.

Thomas took a moment to let that sink in. “Oh.” He was… scared of adults. Thomas could imagine many reasons why that might be the case and none of them set well. “I see.”

“Hey, no, sweetie, stop that,” Patton said, sounding distressed. Patton had managed to draw Virgil out from underneath the bed, though they were both still mostly hidden behind it and Thomas had no question in his mind that if he went to step towards them, Virgil would be back underneath it in a moment. Currently the boy seemed to be clawing at his own head. “No, baby shh,” Patton said, trying to stop him from tearing the pinned in hairpiece out, Thomas realized. “I’ll get it out,” Patton promised him. “Just calm down and let me do it.” He sounded close to tears, and Thomas couldn’t particularly blame him with the way the boy was acting. “You’re hurting yourself, baby.”

He must know, Thomas realized. If Logan had known he was here, then he must have allowed him to use that hairpiece. He’d probably even told Virgil that it belonged to his dead father. Now he was probably terrified that Thomas would be mad at him for touching it, especially when he’d come in to find Virgil alone without Logan to explain.

Patton managed to get all the pins undone and placed the piece delicately on the bed before wrapping himself protectively around the boy and hushing him.

Logan was looking back at them as well. He looked between the puddle of upset on the floor and Thomas. “Could…” he said. “Could I maybe come and see you in a few minutes, Dad?”

“Of course,” Thomas said. “Of course, I’ll go wait in my room. Take as much time as you need.”

He was careful to move slowly as he stepped towards the door, so the poor thing didn’t notice him move and mistake it for him approaching. He closed Logan’s bedroom door softly behind him feeling even more drained than he’d been before as well as anxious and a bit sickened. He went to his own bedroom to wait for Logan.

Chapter 20

Logan let out a slow breath as his father closed the door behind him. That could have been very, very bad. He turned his attention to Virgil and Patton. Patton had curled himself around Virgil as much as physically possible and had tucked the boy’s head under his chin.

Logan slowly rounded the bed and knelt in front of them. “It’s alright,” Logan said, cautiously moving to put a hand on his shoulder. Virgil didn’t pull away. “I asked him to leave. It’s alright.”

Virgil tilted his head slightly too look at him. Logan rubbed a circle into his back as he slowly got control of his breath.

Logan smiled softly at him and reached out to touch his cheek with a gentle hand. “You… didn’t hurt him. You didn’t even try to hurt him.”

Virgil shook his head.

“Why not?” Logan asked curiously. “It was a perfect opportunity.”

“Promised Patton,” Virgil mumbled, and the idea that perhaps the thing that had saved his father’s life was a pinky promise just about gave Logan a migraine, but then Virgil ducked his head. “And it would make you sad.”

“I see,” Logan said, heart in his throat.

Virgil kept looking towards the floor, his eyes starting to fill with tears again. “Are you going to turn me in now?”

He was shaking and barely holding back a fresh wave of tears. Logan knew of course that no one would hurt him here if he turned him in to his father and the guards, but he also knew that Virgil would be terrified if he did so. He was already terrified. Logan didn’t want to know what he thought the fate Logan would be condemning him to.

“No,” Logan said before he could even truly think it through. “No, I’m not.”

“You’re not?” Virgil asked.

“Well, there wouldn’t really be a point, would there?” Logan asked. “The reason we planned to turn you when father got back in is because you posed a danger to him, but you have just demonstrated that is no longer an issue.”

“Really?” Virgil asked, sniffling a bit and Logan saw Patton’s arms tighten even more around him.

“We will have to figure out a better cover for you than just that you’re new to the castle, but I believe it will work fine. No one besides the two of us would ever guess your origin anyway.”

“S-so I can stay?” Virgil asked, “and you won’t throw me into prison or execute me?”

“I promise you were never going to be executed Virgil,” Logan said. “Even if we turned you in, but yes you can stay with us. We’ll figure out a backstory for you that doesn’t involve assassinations and you’ll have to keep up the lie, but I doubt anyone will question it.”

“I’ll do whatever you want,” Virgil said, chocked up. “Thank you. I really didn’t want to go.”

“Well, you’re our friend now so there will be no going anywhere,” Patton said kissing him on the cheek. Virgil relaxed back into his hold, pleased with the affection.

Logan smiled at them both. “Can I see your wrists, Virgil?”

Virgil blinked but offered them and Logan tapped the restraints doing a quick incantation. They popped off after a moment.

“You’re letting me go?” Virgil asked, eyes wide.

“Of course,” Logan said. “We’re not just going to keep you prisoner for no reason.”

“That’s…” Virgil said, eyes watering as he clearly was trying not to cry. “You’re the best people I’ve ever met.”

“I wish that was not so clearly the case,” Logan replied. He slowly reach up and set a hand on his shoulder. “I’m going to go speak with my father. Patton will stay with you.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed, seeming a bit hesitant.

Logan smiled softly and leaned forward to gently touch their foreheads together. “I will be right back,” he assured. “We will finish our slumber party, though perhaps we will table the rest of the dress up activity for another night.”

He stood then, leaving Virgil in Patton’s capable hands to exit his own bedroom and cross the hallway to his father’s. He took a brief moment to compose himself before knocking on the door.

“Come in,” his father called.

Logan opened the door to see his father sitting on one of the armchairs in his room. Despite the almost disaster that had taken place a few minutes ago, Logan found himself smiling at the man. It was nice to have him home.

“Sorry about that,” Father said.

“It was more my fault than yours. If I knew there was a risk of you coming home today, I wouldn’t have left him alone.”

“Is he alright?”

“I believe so,” Logan answered. “Patton is with him and will certainly smooth out any lingering distress.”

“Good,” his dad said. “That’s good.” There was a pause and then he gestured at the seat beside his.

Logan settled himself down on it. “How was your trip?” he asked. “You’re back a week early.”

“Yes,” Father said. “The trip went better and worse than anticipated.

“How so?” asked Logan curiously.

“Well,” Dad said. “The purpose of the trip was to convince the new queen of Lamir, Cecil not to ally with Mocnejsi, but by the time I’d arrived there wasn’t really a risk of that.”

“Why not?”

“After investigation, it turned out that Cecil’s mother had been poisoned by an assassin from Mocnejsi.”

“Oh,” Logan said, mind already racing.

“They figured out that one of the young women who had been hired on in the kitchen for the winter had done it, and had learned her origin when they questioned her,” Dad informed him. “Considering Cecil was immediately approached for an alliance with Mocnejsi, their aim was likely to manipulate her going forward because of how young she is. Luckily, Cecil is a smart girl and has the help of her mother’s advisor as well as her own. By the time I got there, my only real role was to extend my condolences and reaffirm out alliance. I would have stayed longer, but the possibility that Mocnejsi may think to attack us in a similar way hastened me home.”

“That…” Logan said. “That is wise. I assume you are going to institute more security.”

“I am, yes,” Dad replied. “I would like your input on plans in the coming day.”

“Of course,” Logan agreed.

Dad smiled at him, “But for now,” he said, “I think it’s time you get back to your slumber party and I get to finally go to sleep.”

Logan nodded and got to his feet. He leaned over to hug his father perhaps a bit longer and harder than was strictly necessary, but Dad did not seem to mind at all. “Goodnight,” Logan said.

“Goodnight, son.”

Chapter 21

Virgil woke with something soft but kind of stringy in his face. That was weird. He didn’t know what in the closet would feel like that. In fact, as he woke more he noticed more things that he couldn’t sus out the origin of, particularly the warmth curled up against his side. Curious, he blinked open his eyes. Oh, right. Patton.

The soft stuff in his face was Patton’s hair and the warmth next to Virgil was the rest of the boy’s body. Patton had all but refused to let Virgil go last night after Logan had taken off the restraints and Virgil hadn’t minded the attention. They must have fallen asleep together in the piles of pillows and blankets on the floor.

Virgil brushed his hair gently away, internally (for fear of disturbing him) shaking his head at him. He’d fallen asleep hallway on top of an assassin. He had no self-preservation instincts. He looked at his wrists. It seemed no one had any self-preservation instincts. This of course, included himself as instead of running off when free in case they decided to turn him in after all, he had fallen asleep on the floor with Patton too.

He looked to the side and saw Logan was already awake, reading on one of his chairs. He seemed to sense Virgil’s eyes on him because he looked up after a moment.

“You can get up if you like,” Logan said. “He is a heavy sleeper and won’t wake up if you squirm out of his grip.”

Virgil frowned, unsure if he wanted to risk it.

“I have breakfast ready for you.”

Okay, Virgil was going to risk it.

He carefully squirmed out of Patton’s grip, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead in apology for leaving him before getting to his feet.

Logan handed him a plate of eggs and toast when he walked over and gestured to the chair next to him. Virgil sat there to eat while Logan continued to read.

Virgil ate his food quickly, and then glanced over at Logan once he was done. Virgil was honestly at a bit of a loss. Usually, they came and got him out of the closet only once they were ready to do something, but Patton was still sound asleep on the floor and Logan looked engrossed in his book.

Virgil fidgeted slightly, unsure what he should be doing or even if he should be doing anything. Considering Logan hadn’t given him any instructions, he should probably not do anything. He didn’t want to screw up the first day of… whatever this was now.

Logan glanced over at him after a few minutes. “Don’t forget about the potion,” he reminded.

Virgil nodded and stood, walking over to the closet since it would still be in there from the previous morning. It was about half gone now and it had gotten to the point where Virgil didn’t feel any immediate affects from it anymore other than some warmth. It basically just felt like drinking tea.

He said as much to Logan when he walked back over to him.

“That’s good,” Logan said, “it means it has been working. It has healed any damage it can from malnutrition. Any internal organs that were damaged should be mostly healed. You may even notice your eyesight getting slightly better. Your immune system should also be boosted. You will likely also find it is easier to gain muscle and while you likely will never be as tall as you could have been, you will likely still grow a few inches during your next growth spirt.”

Virgil studied his hands where they were sitting on his thigh now as though he could see the changes that allegedly had already taken place in his body. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Logan replied, eyes already back on his book like it was some normal thing and not a huge kindness he’d bestowed on Virgil before even really knowing him. As though Virgil didn’t just owe him more than just his life going forward.

They sat in silence then for a few more minutes, before the was a soft sigh from the floor and Patton started to wake. He sat up and looked around. His eyes landed on both Virgil and Logan sitting together and he seemed to light up.

“Good morning!” he chirped.

“Good morning, Patton,” Logan said as Patton popped to his feet, “I have breakfast for you.”

“Thank you Lo,” Patton said, throwing his arms around Logan’s neck, and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Virgil presumed from the lack of surprise on Logan’s face that this was normal for morning Patton, not that the fact surprised him considering how night Patton acted.

He still managed to be somewhat surprised by the fact that Patton turned to hug Virgil a second later. Patton’s lips were pressed briefly to Virgil’s head and then he turned to grab the plate Logan had saved for him.

“So, what are we doing today?” Patton asked.

“I was thinking Virgil and I could continue our reading lessons if he is not opposed,” Logan said. Virgil nodded, happy with that prospect. “Other than that, I have no plans. I have already spoken with my father before the two of you woke. He is going to spend most of his day catching up on things he missed and said I could take the rest of the day off royal duties.”

“A whole day to relax then!” Patton said, happily chewing on his toast. “Reading sounds fun, but we should do something more active too.”

Logan hummed. “We can show Virgil the courtyard after the reading lessons,” he said.

It took a moment for it to register, but then Virgil froze. “Wait,” he said. “We’re going outside?”

Logan raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes.”

“So, we’re leaving your room?”

“Are you alright with that?” Logan asked cautiously.

Virgil nodded quickly.

“Oh,” Patton said at his enthusiasm. “I guess you have been cooped up a while, haven’t you?” He smiled sadly and turned to Logan. “Maybe we can do reading lessons in the garden.”

“That would be satisfactory.”

“Great!” Patton said. He looked over at Virgil. “If we’re going out, we should probably put your hair up and get you in some clean clothes.”

Logan nodded. “You finish eating, and I will help Virgil find something to wear.”

Logan found him an outfit, though it was a bit baggy on Virgil and the hem of the shirt went halfway to his knees. When Patton finished breakfast, he sat Virgil down and carefully worked a brush through his hair.

“Can I braid it?” Patton asked.

Virgil hummed his consent. Having his hair brushed and done up by another person was a lot more enjoyable than he’d anticipated. He’d liked it when Logan did it the night before, though he had to very firmly push away thoughts of where that led.

“Okay!” Patton said after a few moments. “You look good. Ready to go?”

Virgil nodded and they both led him out into the hall. He paused before they got to the door. “What about the guards?” he asked hesitantly.

“I’ve already given them the same story as I did Dad,” Logan replied. “They know you’re here.”

Virgil still hesitated.

“It’s okay,” Patton promised. “Here, hold my hand?”

Virgil took the offered hand immediately, and Logan stepped in front of them both. Virgil felt himself relax a bit knowing the prince was between him and the guards.

They led him to the door.

Logan greeted both of the guards at the door, and they said good morning back. Both of them glanced at Virgil curiously for a moment making him shrink into himself, but they quickly averted their gazes.

Patton pulled him past them without incident and soon they were in the small dining hall Virgil had passed through his first night here. He remembered how he’d snuck around at the edges of the room in the shadows with the aim to kill the king, but now he was being pulled through the middle with the prince having just wandered past the royal guards in broad daylight like it was nothing.

It was so strange, and Virgil still couldn’t totally believe this was happening. The retraced his exact steps back down the spiral stairs near the kitchen and out of the door he and the nice gardener had came through. He could even see the shed he’d been hiding in from here. With a blink, he remembered they were going to the garden, and he wondered if he’d see the man again.

For now, he just looked around them as Logan and Patton led him past the garden shed towards an area with many trees. Orange and yellow leaves were starting to fall from many of the trees.

They made a satisfying crunching sound under his feet as he was led to a tree. He had seen the group of trees when he’d first arrived here and had even thought about hiding amongst them instead of in the shed, but they’d seemed scary in the dark. They were pretty in the daylight, however, and Virgil found himself tilting his head to watch the branches sway in the slight wind.

Logan sat down under it and pulled out a book and some writing materials from the bag he’d brought. Virgil settled down next to him so they could both look at the book at the same time and Patton flopped down on the other side, immediately setting to work tying fancy knots in the yarn he’d brought with him. Patton shuffled slightly to the side so they bumped shoulders as Logan opened the book and started Virgil’s reading lesson.

Chapter 22

Patton bit his lip to keep from laughing or awing. “Do you like the flower, Virgil?” he asked.

Virgil glanced up at him briefly and then his eyes returned to the flower he’d found. “It’s nice,” he said.

They’d finished the reading lessons and let Virgil explore the garden a bit. He’d found a dark purple and yellow flower (a pansy, Patton thought) and seemed to be endlessly fascinated by it. He’d been staring at it for minutes now, almost as though he expected it to do something. Patton did not quite understand his interest, but he was still adorable.

Logan sat next to him and the flower, smiling at him softly. “I imagine you’ll enjoy the garden in the spring,” Logan said. “There are many more flowers then. Of all types. We’ll have to show you all of the best spots. Mr. Deknis has a particularly good eye for colors, and it is always quite beautiful.”

“Who is Mr. Deknis?” Virgil asked.

“He’s the head gardener,” Logan said. “He’s a nice man, though a bit prickly when it comes to his garden. We may see him today if he’s in this part of the garden.”

“Would he have been the multrum I saw in the gardening shed when I hid there?”

“Ah, yes, that would be him. I was unaware you interacted with anyone in the castle.”

“He caught me in his garden shed, but he wasn’t mean,” Virgil said, he tilted his head curiously at Logan. “Why…” he trailed off.

“Yes?” Logan asked.

“Why is he the gardener?”

Logan looked confused, “Well,” he said, “I guess because he wants to and is good at it.”

“No,” Virgil said with a frown. “I mean. Shouldn’t he… he’s…”

Logan seemed to think hard for a moment. “Right,” he said. “You’ve been under a blood compulsion. I’d guess you would have only worked with multrums in the military.”

“I guess I didn’t realize that they could be other things…”

“Of course, they can,” Logan said. “Their abilities don’t make them any less of people. Mr. Deknis likes to garden so he gardens.”

Virgil blinked at him.

“…Of course, all things considered, that may not be a familiar concept to you.” Virgil turned back to look at the flower instead of answering. “Right,” said Logan.

There were a couple of awkward beats of silence. Patton bit his lip and happened to glance up. “Oh,” he said. “Speaking of Mr. Deknis.” He gestured to the gardener who was coming up the path between the trees.

Logan sat up on his knees as Patton waved at him. He saw Patton and turned to walk towards them. “The two of you had better not be up to mischief in my garden,” Mr. Deknis called, his voice a bit gruff. He clearly did not see Virgil who had laid flat on his stomach to stare at the flower.

Logan rolled his eyes automatically. “We were just reading Mr. Deknis,” he said. “Your piles of dirt are safe.”

“No mud cakes?” Mr. Deknis asked skeptically still coming towards them.

“It has been a literal decade…”

Patton saw when Mr. Deknis was close enough to see Virgil.

He stopped in his track and looked down at Virgil who was already watching him a bit warily. “Hello,” he said, his voice a lot softer than it’d been a few moments before. His expression completely flipped in a moment to something very gentle when he saw Virgil and the cautious look on his face. Virgil did seem to have that effect on people.

“Hi,” Virgil replied.

Mr. Deknis looked at Logan and then at Patton and then back at Virgil. “This is our new friend, Virgil,” Patton offered.

“Hello, Virgil,” Mr. Deknis said with a nod.

“Virgil, this is the gardener Mr. Deknis.”

“He’s not nearly as grumpy as he sounds,” Patton assured.

“Well,” Logan said, “yes he is.”

Mr. Deknis shot him a look that only served to prove Logan’s point if Patton was being honest. Logan just smiled back. Mr. Deknis apparently decided to let it slide because he turned back to Virgil.

“It’s good to see you again,” Mr. Deknis said. “Are you feeling better?”

Virgil nodded. “I’m a lot better,” he said. Mr. Deknis considered him for a moment, clearly reading how true that statement was. Patton was glad he seemed satisfied with the answer.

“I see you’ve met these two.”

“Yeah,” Virgil said.

Mr. Deknis smiled slightly. “Be careful with this one,” he said, pointing to Logan. “He’s a bad influence.”

Virgil frowned in confusion. “He’s the prince,” he pointed out.

“And a bad influence,” Mr. Deknis repeated. “He’s a beacon of irresponsibility and mischief and he corrupts that one,” he nodded to Patton.

“I am completely responsible,” Logan replied.

“Need I remind you of the cucumber incident.”

“I was 8,” Logan said.

“I know how old you were,” Mr. Deknis replied, ��and you are hardly any older.”

“I resent that.”

Mr. Deknis just smiled and turned back to Virgil who was watching the interaction with pure curiosity.

“I just picked a few more of those apples for Patton’s mom to make into apple sauce. Would you kids like some?”

Virgil glanced over at Logan and Patton.

“That would be nice, thank you,” Patton replied for them all, standing up. Seeing that, Virgil also climbed to his feet.

“It’s back this way,” Mr. Deknis said, inclining hid head back the way he’d came and then turning to lead them that way. Patton followed him. He glanced back to see Logan put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder and give him a gentle push to get him going. “So, what are you kids up to today?”

“We wanted to show Virgil the garden and courtyard,” Patton said. “He’s been cooped up inside for a bit.”

“I see,” Mr. Deknis said. He glanced back at Virgil. “Feel free to come out in the garden anytime you like. As long as you don’t go about purposefully destroying stuff, I don’t mind you being out here.”

“I won’t destroy anything,” Virgil promised instantly.

“Well I hope you manage to keep that attitude even while befriending the large upright groundhog behind you.”

Virgil looked a little bit nervous. “He’s just teasing Virgil,” Patton assured. “He loves Logan.”

Mr. Deknis glanced back again and seemed to read the same thing Patton had read on Virgil’s face.

“Yes, of course,” Mr. Deknis said. “I have simply known the prince for a long time and joke with him in that way often. Logan is aware of that.”

“Indeed,” Logan agreed, his hand squeezing a bit on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil relaxed a touch.

Mr. Deknis stopped and reached down into a bucket next to a tree. “I wouldn’t offer my apples to people I don’t like,” he said, tossing an apple underhand to Logan. Instead of trying to catch it, his eyes widened and he dodged out of the way.

“You would however throw apples at them despite knowing they have never been able to catch things.”

Mr. Deknis just rolled his eyes fondly, but Virgil frowned and turned to Logan. “You don’t know how to catch things?” he asked scandalized. “You should know how to catch things. What if someone throws a knife at you?”

Mr. Deknis looked… probably the right amount of concerned about that statement coming from a 14-year-old’s lips.

“Haha, yeah,” Patton said awkwardly. “Maybe you can teach Logan how to catch things Virgil, but later. Right now, why don’t we just get the apples and then show you the courtyard.”

Virgil was still frowning, but he did not argue with Patton’s suggestion.

Thankfully, Mr. Deknis did not push, though Patton did have to dodge many a meaningful side eye. He might… need to make sure he did not get cornered by the gardener in the coming days… or brush up on his lying without lying skills.

For now, though, he just handed out the apples, not tossing them this time. Virgil thanked him softly and Patton could see the way the usually fairly gruff man went all melty at that. He even slipped an extra apple to Virgil for later which Virgil perked up at.

Patton and Logan pulled him away gently after that so Mr. Deknis could go back to work, but Virgil seemed happy with the apples and copied Patton at waving goodbye to him cheerfully.

Despite the fact that he liked Mr. Deknis and he’d been nice, Patton still took a calming breath when they were no longer at risk of lying about something and getting caught by the man’s powers. They went back into the castle towards the courtyard.

Chapter 23

Logan was unsurprised that after showing Virgil the large courtyard, Patton almost immediately decided to instigate a game of tag. They were, after all, here with the goal of getting Virgil a bit active after having had him only in Logan’s room for weeks.

He was also unsurprised that Virgil seemed confused about the concept of tag, and Patton had to explain the game in detail to him.

It made him wince, but he still was unsurprised when Virgil went about inquiring after the consequences of losing the game.

He was, however, very surprised when, after getting all of the facts about tag settle, Patton was chasing after Virgil trying to tag him and suddenly the boy disappeared.

Patton almost ran into a wall in his confusion. He stared at his hands stretched out and just a couple of inches from touching the wall for a moment, before slowly looking up.

“Virgil!” Patton exclaimed. “What?”

“What?” he asked.

“…What are you even hanging onto?”

“The wall,” Virgil replied.

Logan walked closer to the two of them and tilted his head up to look at him. Virgil had jumped up and somehow managed to find hand and foot holes on the seemingly smooth wall. He climbed about 5 meters above their heads and was peering down at them curiously.

“Okay,” Logan said. “New rule. Virgil is not allowed to scale walls during tag.”

Virgil frowned down at him. “Why only me?”

“Because Patton and I cannot do that anyway,” Logan said. “We would not be able to actually play if you remain up there.”

Patton glanced over at him and reached over to touch Logan’s shoulder. “No tag backs,” he said. Logan glared at him. “Why don’t you come down sweetie?”

“But Logan will tag me,” he said.

“Well, honey, that’s part of the fun,” Patton reasoned. “Don’t you want to try being it?”

Virgil seemed to consider this for a long moment. “Okay,” he agreed.

To Logan’s terror, he simply let go of the wall, falling straight down and landing crouched. He blinked at Logan. Right. With a start, Patton took off, so he’d have a head start. “No tag backs means a 10 second head start for me,” Logan reminded. Virgil nodded, and Logan reached out to poke him in the arm before immediately running off in the opposite direction as Patton.

Logan’s strategy worked out since, knowing he couldn’t go after Logan for a few seconds more, he chose to turn and go after Patton. After finding one of the statues to hide behind on the edge of the courtyard, Logan risked glancing back.

Virgil was faster than Logan (and likely Patton) had accounted for. Patton had gotten a good head start on him, but Virgil closed it quickly. Patton shrieked as Virgil barreled into him, bringing them both to the ground.

“Virgil!” Logan heard Patton giggle. Logan figured he was more than okay despite the tackle. “This isn’t how you play tag!”

“I combined tag and tackle hugs,” Virgil declared, making Patton giggle more.

“That’s very innovative, honey,” Patton said. “Now are you going to let me up?...Virgil… I’m counting down your 10 second head start in my head, and if you don’t let me up I’m going to tag you again.”

This did not seem to have the intended effect as Virgil did not remove himself from Patton’s person. Patton laugh when it became clear he was not going to move and began counting down “7, 6, 5, 4, you’d better let me go sweetie, or you’re going to get tagged again.” Virgil did not seem to care. “3, 2, 1.” Patton reached up and bopped him on the nose. “Tag!” he declared.

Logan was surprised when Virgil instantly jumped off Patton at that. He whipped around.

‘Oh,’ Logan thought as the boy’s eyes narrowed in on Logan immediately, ‘I see.’

“Virgil was already halfway across the courtyard towards him before Logan could even think about running away. There was no way that he was fast enough to outrun him. Perhaps he could outthink him, he thought. His eyes scanned his environment in the seconds he had left and landed on a large square piece of stone that held flowers in the spring. It was just full of dirt now, but it was still about waist high. Perhaps if he kept that between them, he could outmaneuver him. He sprinted towards it and scrambled to the opposite side from where Virgil was heading.

He really should not have been as surprised as he was that Virgil did not even slightly slow as he approached the planter box, instead grabbing ahold of the side of it and vaulting over it. Logan stumbled back, bracing for impact, but instead he just got a quick tap on the shoulder.

Logan blinked at him.

“I don’t know if you would be okay with tackle hugs,” he explained.

Logan considered him. “I would be okay with a nontackle hug.”

Virgil happily jumped forward to hug Logan, pressing his nose into Logan’s shoulder. Logan chuckled and patted the top of his head. “Six,” he said, “5, 4, 3…”

Virgil bolted away suddenly, actually making Logan stumble a bit. He paused just out of reach of Logan, looking at him with anticipation. “2,1,” Logan finished with a raised eyebrow. He already knew he was being played with, but he indulged him by starting towards him. Virgil danced out of the way, eyes alight. Logan sighed. “Is this truly how it’s going to be?” he asked.

Virgil didn’t answer, but to watch him with wide, excited eyes.

“Fine,” Logan said. He dashed towards him again, only to have him continue to maneuver just out of Logan’s reach each time Logan went forward. He’d call it taunting if there was any sign of malice in it.

They ran around the courtyard in spirts of Logan charging at him and Virgil expertly dodging. Eventually Patton came closer to them. Logan could tell that Virgil was aware of his presence, by how he glanced back at him briefly, but considering he was not ‘it,’ it seemed he chose to disregard him. However, he was not aware of the way Patton winked at Logan as he walked up behind Virgil.

Logan, on the other hand, knew exactly what was happening. He went to spring for Virgil again, and Virgil again moved to dodge, but this time Patton grabbed him around the waist, allowing Logan to actually tag him.

He turned slowly to face Patton who started to giggle immediately at the perplexed look on his face. It cleared into something else as soon as he heard Patton laugh. “Traitor!” he claimed. “We were on the same team and you betrayed me.”

“I just thought we should probably have mercy on poor Logan,” Patton replied.

“Hmm,” Virgil said, eyes again full of that playful mischief Logan had not seen until today. “Plea for mercy not accepted.”

Patton once again half-shrieked half-laughed as he was pounced on. The two of them went rolling across the grass, Virgil clearly keeping the rolling going longer than it should have as they made it a good few meters.

36284

Virgil sprung off of him a few moments later.

“Oh, is it my turn?” Patton inquired with a huge smile. He slowly got to his feet. “Hmm, I’m probably at about 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” He took off after Virgil, but Patton had a bit more endurance than Logan, so instead of doing quickly calculated lunges at Virgil as Logan had done, he just ran at him full tilt without stopping.

Virgil ran from him, though Logan was pretty sure he was intentionally slowing himself down a bit so Patton had some amount of a chance. He kept turning to check behind him and make sure Patton was still somewhat close as he ran.

Which is why he didn’t see the imminent disaster in time.

Chapter 24

Thomas should have been paying more attention, but his mind had been on the meeting he’d just had with the castle guards about increased security in the wake of the possible threat from Mocnejsi. He’d decided to take a brief walk around the courtyard to clear his head but was still distracted with mulling over the options that had just been presented to him. He stepped into the castle courtyard and did not have time to step out of the way of the much smaller body rocketing towards him. Virgil slammed into his front, but not before Thomas got a good look at his face.

Virgil’s expression changed dramatically in the few seconds between him registering Thomas was there and running into him. For the briefest moment, Thomas could see that he must have been having a lot of fun. He’d caught the wide smile and sparkling eyes as Virgil turned his head back from looking at Patton who was chasing him across the greenery. He’d looked very happy which made it all the more painful to see that happiness die in and a few instants. When his head had turned back towards Thomas, there was a flicker of confusion at something being in his path.

Then, clearly everything about the situation registered, because his eyes blew wide in horror as he tried to stop himself, but there was no way he’d be able to in time. Thomas saw that fact register on his face the moment before he hit. Gone was any trace of happiness or joy in that split second. All that was left was dread that had no place anywhere near a children’s game of tag. It was the expression Thomas would expect from someone who felt ice give way under their feet in the middle of a lake they had thought was frozen solid.

He hit hard, but he wasn’t nearly big enough to actually harm Thomas. Thomas was thrown slightly off balance but managed to stay on his feet. He reached out a hand to his shoulder automatically to steady the child. There was a moment of pseudo calm where they both absorbed the impact and stilled.

Then, the boy’s shoulder slipped out of Thomas’s grip as he went crashing to the ground in a move that made Thomas wince for the state of his knees. Thomas couldn’t quite grasp what was happening for a moment as Virgil face planted onto the ground in front of him, but when he did, Thomas couldn’t help but flinch and take a step back from him.

Thomas had been bowed to before, of course, seeing as he was a king, but this was not out of respect or courtesy or even just tradition. This was out of terror. He was begging for mercy and it made Thomas feel sick.

“I’m sorry,” he said, meek and shaky into the ground, and there was almost something worse about the fact that he did not beg for forgiveness with his words, but only his posture. The way his breathes came far too quick and shallow said he was likely on the verge of a panic attack, but he was not blubbering through apologies or even not speaking at all. He gave a clear, if shaky, apology, and waited for whatever he thought Thomas planned to do to him. There was no way that was not learned.

“You don’t…” Thomas stuttered. “You don’t have to do that. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, but he reacted in no other way. He did not even react when Patton made it to his side and knelt down next to him. Patton’s hand hovered over his back, clearly wanting to touch down, but he pulled back on that instinct.

“Virgil, honey,” he said softly. “It’s okay. No one is mad. It was an accident.”

Virgil did not react to this at all.

Thomas caught Logan’s eye as he hurried over to them himself. “Sorry,” Thomas mouthed. Logan just nodded and turned his attention to his friend.

“There is no reason for any of that,” Logan said, his voice firm, almost clipped. “You are not in trouble. Now sit up.”

Virgil did respond to that, slowly shifting back on his knees. He kept his head down looking at the ground. “Sorry,” he said again.

“I…” Thomas said, surveying the three kids on the ground in front of him. Thomas slowly sunk to the ground to be at their level. Virgil was tracking his movements out of the corner of his eyes, his head still bowed and his shoulders tensed. “Hey,” Thomas said softly. “Were you three playing tag?”

Virgil hesitated, eyes flickering as he debated whether he should respond or not.

“Yeah, we were,” Patton answered for him after a moment of stressful silence.

“Well that’s fun,” Thomas said. “I’m sorry for interrupting the three of you. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Virgil glanced up at him for just a moment before looking away again. Patton apparently felt it was safe enough to touch Virgil, because he settled a hand on the boys shoulder.

“Yeah, we’ve just been having a fun day,” Patton said, carefully matching Thomas’s light tone. “We went to the garden and did some reading. Then, Mr. Deknis gave us some apples.”

“That’s nice,” Thomas replied. “He’s been talking about the new apples he’s been growing. He’s been working on them for years and they’re just beginning to bare fruit this year. I haven’t gotten a chance to try any yet. Are they any good?”

“They’re very good,” Patton told him. His hand rubbed slowly on Virgil’s back. “Isn’t that right, Virge?”

Virgil nodded a bit, a little less tense now, but still nowhere near calm.

“Well, I’ll have to try them soon,” Thomas said with a smile. “Thank you for the information. Now, I’ve got to get back to what I’m doing, but I hope you three have a good day.”

“I’ll see you later, Dad,” Logan said.

Thomas nodded and pushed himself to his feet. “Goodbye you three,” he said before turning away towards the door back into the castle. He paused to take a breath when the door closed behind him, cutting off the courtyard. There were a lot of thoughts to shirt through in regards to that conversation. He hated that Virgil was so obviously terrified of him. Both of their two interactions had ended with the poor thing panicking on the ground. He wished he had some idea of how to help him or at least someone to talk to about it.

Maybe he’d go visit Mr. Deknis himself and not just for the apples.

#proofread stories #not writing

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