#almost done with day 4 but i'm not posting til my time

[tinukis]

day 3 - sunflower🌻 @luffyweek

[midsummer-semantics]

Tagged by @hornedqueenofhell

this is exciting!

divider by @/saradika-graphics

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

552,698

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things primarily, but I have written for Harry Potter and Marvel

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Free-Use Healthcare - Forehead Kisses - Big Dick Energy™️ - cherry on my lips - Gold Rush

5. Do you respond to comments?

I didn't really respond much in the beginning but I try to respond every time now. Even if it's just a heart or "i loved this," I want everyone to know that I appreciate them taking the time to read AND leave a comment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

holy palmers' kiss I suppose has the angstiest ending considering it exists in the canonverse. At the very end, Steve thinks "Maybe we can save each other," but we know from a fan perspective that Eddie dies because Steve isn't there to save him that Steve and Eddie live happily ever after.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is entirely personal opinion because I really only do HEAs lol It's either my big boy The Fool, The World, and Everything in Between because Steddie fight to live as normal a life as possible in the wake of s4 and end up getting engaged at the end, or it's Best friends, ex-friends ‘til the end (better off as lovers) because they bonded, like, a day into being reunited because they were soulmates.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Aside from one comment from someone being marginally racist about how Italians aren't darker skinned (Steve is Sicilian in one of my series and Sicilians are notoriously darker skinned), not really. But I recently heard that some people use priv bookmarks to make sure they avoid reading something again, and while I think that's counterproductive to the bookmark count, I don't really want to know if it's happened to me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep! Almost exclusively, but I do have a few fics that are smut-free which I'm always surprised by. All Steddie, all gay, and it ranges from soft love-making to filthy, dirty, wet and messy sex.

10. Do you write crossovers?

The only crossover I've written was for Marvel, and that only counts on a technicality that it was a crossover between Eternals and Daredevil.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but I haven't actually scoured the internet to check. I hope if something was stolen, the people reading it still enjoyed it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so? I had a HP fic translated into Russian but I never followed up on the website to see if it ever got posted.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

When I wrote the Marvel fic, yes. I was working on and Eternals Ikaris/OFC while my best friend wrote a Daredevil/OFC and my other friend wrote a Jessica Jones/OFC, and we had them all in the same room multiple times.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Steddie, hands down. Nothing has had be in a chokehold quite like this.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

So many, and I've lost interest at the moment in one I was actually posting, but I'm hoping to pick it back up after the Big Bang is finished. Probably with massive re-writes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm funny, so I would like to say I have a lot of really solid lines in fics that make people laugh out loud. Also my world-building tends to be extensive (so much plot in my porn every damn time), but I don't want to classify that as a weakness so strength it is.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't tend to plan things out. I usually have a scene or two in mind and then I write around them and piece it together like Frankenstein's Monster. It's worked out for me so far, but I wish I planned things better sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it a few times. For my Italian Steve/Mexican Eddie series I have both boys speaking second languages but not well lol I just make it part of the bit because, like Eddie in this, I also speak Spanish but not well. This is my official request that if you do speak another language that I've written in and it's wrong, feel free to let me know lol

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My Chemical Romance. I was 13. We don't talk about it.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm really attached to The Fool, The World, and Everything in Between because it's a chonky boy (107k words) and it took me 9 months to write, but We'd rather be six feet under (than be lonely) is a very close second because I really got to play with Steve's inner monologue there and I think the approach I took to the fake dating trope was really original.

non-pressure tags: @tedewitt @malikat24601 @mojowitchcraft @lexirosewrites

[cowboydisaster]

My top ten Lord Huron songs and why:

I know what you're thinking: Bea, nobody asked for this!! you are correct 😌 but I can't stop listening to music 24/7, and this band lives rent-free in my head. I genuinely cannot get their lyrics out of my mind. Anyway, please feel free to go in my inbox to ask or tell me more about Lord Huron cause I'm obsessed!

10. She Lit a Fire

favorite lines: "I'll search the world until there's no place left to go And if she leaves it, I will follow" and "When last I saw her she was dancing all alone"

why: I love how upbeat this song is and I love the lyrics, it's so romantic

9. The Ghost on the Shore

favorite line: "Lie where I land, let my bones turn to sand I was born on the lake and I don't want to leave it"

why: this song is just really beautiful, I find it very calming when it's not making me cry lol.

8. I Lied

favorite lines: "I bore a flame that burned a thousand suns for you, but it died" and "Told you I could never live without your love, but I lied."

why: I love love love the storyline to this song, and the back and forth. It's such a bittersweet ending to a love story.

7. When the Night is Over

favorite lines: "I feel the weather change, I hear the river say your name" and "Am I lost inside my mind? There's an emerald in the sky"

why: I used to listen to this song every day when I was driving to work and it's become such a habit that I'm obsessed with it now. also it's one of the only songs I've listened to from this album.

6. Love Like Ghosts

favorite line: "All the spirits that I know I saw, do you see no ghosts in me at all?" or "Haunted spirits that I know I saw, do they see no ghosts in me at all?"

!!they are listed as different on multiple lyric sites so idk!!

why: this is one of the first Lord Huron songs I ever heard, so there's some nostalgia here. Also love what's going on between "Love like Ghosts" and "Meet Me in the Woods"

5. Meet Me in the City

favorite line: "Am I not the one you're dreaming of, my angel?"

why: this song makes me want to have a sneaky link in the city, it's dangerous for my mania 💀It's so so good, I love the slower, seductive vibe to it.

4. Mine Forever

favorite lines: "I'm much too young to die So long, good luck, goodbye" and "We will always be together In my mind, you're mine forever"

why: I love the story that goes with this song and it's SO good. I can't explain it because I don't know anything about music. is it the melody?? The chorus?? idk it's great.

3. What Do it Mean?

favorite lines: "Gonna fly through my life 'til ai crash into the ending" and "What does it mean if it all means nothing?"

why: I listen to this song when im having existential crises, which is far too often for my own good! but! it's a great song nontheless.

2. Setting Sun

favorite lines: "I'm fond a' living but I woulda given it all for the girl I love" and "Oh, well is he ready to die for you baby? Now that you know I was."

why: Need I explain? This song is so fucking good. The jealousy/ the 'if i can't have you, no one can' trope. god-- its so good.

1. Lullaby

favorite lines: "Where have you been darling, What have you done?" and "You were out finding trouble again There's a fire in your eyes, and there's blood on your hands"

why: I absolutely love this song. It's the first Lord Huron song I was ever introduced to and I love everything about it. The lyrics are so beautiful UGH. I named my Arthur X reader fic after this song, and made it a quote on my pinned post. I cry almost every time I listen to it and I don't even know why, it just makes me emotional.

[cmyknoise]

Not to sound weird but what time zone are you in? Because I’ll be like: wow I should really go to bed it’s so late. Checks dash one last time: almost everyone is still active. Like is everyone else also up (not so) ludicrously late, or are you so far away that it’s earlier/ later there?

[thanks if you answer this, I understand if you don’t]

uh i'm in est!! but i would not go based off of like, me for when you should go to bed lmao.

my schedule is abysmall and changes every few days.

it is 4:37am and i've not gone to bed. ive done this for the last 5 or so days. sometimes i'll stay all the way up til noon.

sometimes i go to bed 'normally' and it'll be before midnight.

lmao probably dont have a basis based on when i'm posting.

i also queue things sometimes so even when i AM asleep i might still be 'posting'

[j0yceque]

Day 39: "How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 25?"

Imposter syndrome, quarter-life crisis, deeply embedded negativity—I've all seen it happen, learned a lot of lessons from those who survived it, and yet, here I am in this blackhole of self-made misery and agony. While this seems like a dark start to a journal post comeback, it's the current reality I'm facing. I used to runaway so far from these thoughts and feelings, but I'm at a point where I've reached the end; I'm done, and I want to make changes.

I feel I owe this space some updates, so let's get to listing:

— I'm officially done with living alone era. For now. February of 2024, I moved in to my 3rd apartment although it wasn't long 'til I left it because of cockroach infestation (and if you know me, I'd rather die than live in a place with nearby 'roaches). I moved back to my partner's family house in Marikina and left some of my things in our family apartment unit in Manila. While it's not the living situation I imagined, I'm just eternally grateful to be surrounded by loved ones who are willing to let me stay over while I figure things out for myself. Yes, I do acknowledge that privilege.

— I resigned from my full-time job of almost 4 years. March of 2024, I left the corporate world and rested. It was a much needed time off to think and redirect myself. "Do I want to try a different career path or should I focus on freelancing?" So far, I'm blessed to land a client (who's also a great friend) and keep going with my part-time job at my partner's family business. Both of which are what keeps me afloat financially. I'm hoping to get a few more projects and eventually also have a new full-time job (so close, onto submitting my sample work this week).

— I'm prioritizing more content creation for my passion projects. It seems funny that I used to be so intimidated pursuing my love for creating content, but all roads lead to this. I've been putting out more content on my personal and miniature account, and hopefully I can share more works on my portfolio as well. What keeps me going is this quote I read somewhere from the depths of the internet: "If your past work doesn't make you cringe, even in the slightest, then maybe you haven't grown at all."

What's next? I despise this question, and yet, I cannot deny the fact that I love having a solid plan for anything and everything. Right now, some of the things I'm also focusing are selling our house and lot in Bulacan (hit me up if you're interested), achieving the 6-digit income challenge, saving so much that I can survive with its interest, spending more time with my family and friends, and maybe traveling and working abroad soon? We'll see. Hopefully, the next update is just around the corner, and these are all ticked off my list—manifesting that hard!

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 50

Very brief message because it's 3:30AM and all I want is to SLEEP.

I made the reckless decision to brutally go off antidepressants completely just so I can experience the full syptoms of whatever mental illness(es) I have so I can get a better and hopefully more accurate diagnosis and be take more seriously next time I see a psychiatrist.

Three days ago I felt EXTREMELY anxious for asbolutely no reason at all. I wanted to go to the restaurant, I went, and almost as soon as I stepped foot out of my flat, I got anxious. Over nothing. I just FELT anxious. And I was also super irritated by everything. That was the case yesterday too, and a little bit today as well, but it really is less and less.

These past two days I've been feeling super motivated and happy. I can get lots of stuff done and I want to get lots of stuff done. I believe in crazy shit like "I'm going to write a book and have it published" or "I'm going to study 3D animation" or "I'm going to become a tattoo artist". And to think 3 days ago I just thought I was going to do none of that and just work whatever job I'd be given...?

Anyway, I know this is probably very temporary and a relapse is probably going to kick in soon, hopefully in a week or two only, but it's probably more a matter of a couple of days.

I got my Heartstopper tattoo and I'm so so happy about it. I also love my tattoo artist. What I see in her is like... a 15 year older version of myself? We happen to have quite a lot in common except she is under medication that really treats her illness well and therefore she is pretty stable and enjoys her daily life, and that just gives me hope for my own future.

Anyway, I'll try to keep this blog updated more regularly, especially because I wanna keep track of how my mental state evolves, especially since I've had a hard time focusing and remembering anything lately, and also because whenever I feel bad I get sort of "black outs" and forget :')

See you soon hopefully

xx

Update:

I posted the first part at around 3/4AM so in order to update I must do it on the same post.

Around 2AM I felt peaceful and like I was about to fall asleep but I made the very stupid decision to reply to my grandma's messages knowing it was going to take me 2 hours. So at around 4/5AM, when I finally could go to bed, I felt super anxious, I felt like someone was in the room watching like lowkey paranoid. I think I even woke up in the middle of the night hearing someone's breath but honestly it was probably just mine obviously. I think I fell back asleep and woke up again a little before 12PM.

Then I knew I really had to finish preparing my trip to England which is just under two weeks away from now but it made me so fucking anxious. I still managed and ended up taking a lot of pleasure in it! I was pretty much laughing hysterically at everything.

Then I got up to get prepared because I'm getting my 2nd booster against Covid, which I was totally chill about until I left the house and almost had a full blown crisis with tears and anxiety, which I've been trying to fight for the past hour. It's only 10 mins til my appointment. I'm not scared of the shot in itself, I'm just too unstable. I'm not even sure the vaccine in itself is the real cause of my mental anguish, I think it's mostly because I promised myself after this shot I would stop wearing my mask, which should be liberating but instead makes me feel miserable.

We're the 21st of April and it's day 3 (I think) with no medication at all. I refrain from taking anything, not even a bit of medication against anxiety.

At some point I tried to remember what I did yesterday and just couldn't for about a minute. I still feel dizzy when I walk most of the time. When I say or think about the words "death" I just wanna cry. I wish I could die to end the suffering right as I'm writing this but when I think of dying I just get traumatizing flashbacks from my dad's death.

I'm trying to sit down somewhere and collect myself because I really must not cry in front of some poor strangers working at the pharmacy. They haven't done anything to deserve to see me like this.

I am so in pain right now. I wish a doctor would listen and try to help.

[skyfelzz]

I posted 18 times in 2022

13 posts created (72%)

5 posts reblogged (28%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@skyfelzz

@sunnydrop-where-he-shouldnt-be

@lovingtheanimal

I tagged 15 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#my art - 5 posts

#art - 5 posts

#fanart - 5 posts

#no straight roads - 4 posts

#nsr - 4 posts

#nsr fanart - 4 posts

#drawing - 4 posts

#illustration - 4 posts

#artwork - 4 posts

#flintsky speaks - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#currently i have done 2 pairs but i still can't figure out how to thumb since i still need the empty space inside the hand to slot em in

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

📕 School Exercise Book 📕

📕 Buku Latihan Sekolah 📕 📕 学校练习簿 📕

This is the 1st out of my 3 zine pieces!

Check out the zine here: https://nsrmalaysiazine.carrd.co/

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVESARRY NSR!! Man i should have posted this a longgg time ago but i figured this would be the perfect time to post the 3 pieces I contributed for the NSR Malaysian Zine as well since it's also almost our Independence day

Halfway through the zine I was promoted as a UI/UX mod for the zine, so yes, I made the zine carrd site! :P (with the help and guidance of @softlight289 and some feedbacks) Might not look too nice compared to other sites but hey, I learned quite a lot of stuff and gained lotsa experience from being a mini-mod for the zine! >:D These will be separated posts cuz I have a LOT to talk about

Image description under the cut! :D

This used to be one of my cover art submissions that didn't get chosen, but decided to finish it anyway cuz why not :P Was looking back at my old exercise books that I doodled on and decided "why not" and made this piece XD I still doodle on em til this day, in a seperate exercise book of my own ofc haha

I gotta be very honest here, I don't have stickers and color pencils on my books, I only have stickmen and poor left-hand writing attempts. This book belongs to who? Up for yall to decide cuz honestly: it could be anyone >:)

I almost forgot to draw Sayu lol

26 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#4

🌀 Gasing Under the Daylight 🌀

🌀 Gasing di Pancaran Matahari 🌀 🌀 在阳光下转陀螺 🌀

This is the 3rd out of my 3 zine pieces for the NSR Malaysian Zine!

As you can see, the titles kinda sucked since i have 0 idea how to title this piece

Check out the zine here: https://nsrmalaysiazine.carrd.co/

Image description under the cut! :D

Fun facts:

I mashed up both the timelapse of the original lost file and the timelapse for the redraw

This piece got like, 2 redraws, one is because of a file lost after updated Ibis, while the other is because I'm unhappy with the perspective and decided to redraw it

The coconut tree got the highest amount of redraws and it gets more and more realistic for each redraw.

The final thumbnail for this was made in my English module after I have finished all my work given by teacher

The house is from @softlight289 jetty piece >:)

yes as you can see the timelapse i struggled with the clouds so fren sent a ref and it helped me immensely

To be honest, this piece is kinda random, but my brain reminded me that I can't play the gasing and I want to deliver something cool so BOOM this piece is born XD

Good for Mayday for spinning the gasing successfully because until today I still can't spin the gasing properly for my life :')

37 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#3

🌾Sabah, Land Below The Wind💨

🌾 Sabah, Negeri di Bawah Bayu 💨

🌾 风下之乡，沙巴 💨

This is the 2nd out of my 3 zine pieces for the NSR Malaysian Zine!

Check out the zine here: https://nsrmalaysiazine.carrd.co/

Image description under the cut! :D

I wanted to make an entire piece dedicated to my hometown Sabah, initially, I plan to go for the poker card style since ppl like to play cards during CNY but I can't work that out so it ended up being styled like a tarot card instead :P

As a Sino-Kadazan that grew up in West Malaysia, I only got to learn Chinese culture and missed the Kadazan part of my culture entirely. So now I'm trying to go back to my Kadazan roots by learning the language and culture after I graduated high school because by that time I will be able to go back to Sabah for a long while and slowly rediscover the other half of my missing culture >:)

I really want to make a piece to represent a part of what I personally know about Sabah and its culture since East Malaysia is often overshadowed by a lot of other stuff, and I decided to dedicate an entire piece just for Sabah, and this is why this piece means a lot to me.

In this piece, you can see Mount Kinabalu, the Sabah State Museum, The Tip of Borneo, Rafflesia, Nepenthes rajah, and the Kadazan culture with the patterns and also Mayday doing the Sumazau dance.

59 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

For my school's Maths room deco :P

Drawn on a broken mini table with paint markers

After 4 months I can finally announce that I've been dragged to submas and pokemon in general, I blame my twt moots /hj

106 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i don't think I post this here before, here's an update of the Neon J and 1010 cardboard figurines >:D

oh for the peeps who waited for over a year for this, sorry for the lack of updates skdjvbjbf-

254 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[spinscissor]

random facts about me :> [1]

I've always loved seeing these sorts of posts about the people I follow, so I figured some of you might be interested in something of this sort about me - so, let's try it!

I've been making videos under the SpinScissor name since early 2015.

I used to make gaming videos, with the occasional skit or challenge.

I've never had a favorite football team, but my mom really likes the Eagles.

I'm a huge metalhead, with a preference for metalcore, deathcore, slam, stuff like that.

I've been playing guitar for around 4 years now.

I play guitar almost exclusively with jazz picks.

I have a mild soy allergy.

I didn't learn how to snap my fingers until I was, like, 12 or something xD

My all-time favorite pony is Scootaloo!

I absolutely detest stuffed mushrooms… I just can't deal with the texture xD

I was a mixed martial artist for several years.

I can do really good impressions of Hank Hill, Obama, Trump, Carl Wheezer, Eric Cartman, among others.

I have vowed never to drink alcohol.

Me and a friend wrote a 90 page comedy book in 7th grade called "How It Feels to Chew 5 Gum".

^ We began writing a second book to continue where the first one left off, but we never finished it.

All of my siblings are far older than me.

I have two wonderful cats: a girl named Sage, and a boy named Shady.

I have a list of over 30 musical aliases that I plan to use someday.

My all-time favorite band is Demon Hunter, and my all-time favorite solo artist is Kevin Parker.

I don't take personality tests very seriously, but if you're curious, I am a Myers-Briggs INFP-A.

I usually drink about 3 cups of coffee a day.

I'm a huge night owl.

I have an album planned, but there's still a lot of work to be done for it, so it's gonna be a bit xD

I very much dislike TikTok (and Snapchat, for that matter xD).

My favorite genres of video game include RPGs, platformers, and racing games.

My all-time favorite game is Dark Cloud 2, followed closely by Minecraft and Shining in the Darkness.

My favorite subject in school was English, and I excelled at paper writing.

I drive a 1980's land-yacht, and I love it to bits!

I don't have any tattoos, although I plan on getting one.

I had an absurdly large collection of Hot Wheels cars as a kid.

My favorite color is red, with blue being a close second.

I've never had a celebrity crush.

I love traveling, and I really want to visit Japan sometime soon!

I love comedy movies and TV shows, especially the work of Tom Green.

well, there ya go! I hope ya learned something new and interesting about me! Feel free to leave any questions/thoughts you'd like in the comments! 'til next time!

[inkla-kirisame]

Theory: Baizhu is...?

Disclaimer: this is a theory, it doesn't have to be true, if its false, don't blame me, I warned you beforehand

Also, take this with humor and not to seriously

And spoilers of Liyue's or Xiao's lore

Ok let's begin with this

It seems that Baizhu is an outlander like Albedo or Amber's grandfather (just examples, they had nothing to do with this) but he does have a vision, a Liyuan one, but Zhongli didn't seem to know about him... So he is probably of Liyue or he has more than he looks like

So either Baizhu is a snake like creature (like a lamia), or is he an Adeptus?

Exhibit 1: let's take a look to his face

Author, more close

His face seems familiar... Were did I see it? Oh wait-

They had the same make up, and believe me when I said that almost all the Adepti use the same make up (only Madame Ping and Mountain Shaper (I think)) use that type

Also, Xiao and Baizhu have the same pupils

Ok, maybe I'm wrong but as I said before, don't take this seriously, but if it's true I f-ing called it

Exhibit 2: Baizhu's sickness

If you have Qiqi or talk with Herbalist Gui, you'll know that Baizhu has a sickness that made him frail, Qiqi mentions that even tho she's a zombie, she's much better than Baizhu

So why this is important?

I don't know what sickness he has but if this is true, I may know were he got his sickness

'Some of the archons' souls were filled with bitterness at their fate, and refused to suffer it any longer. Their bitterness materialized and became evil monsters. The monsters' rage manifested itself in the form of diseases, monster infestations, and all kinds of other strange occurrences' is a little extract of the book Yakshas: The Vigilant Adepti, you can see were this is going

So, I think Baizhu was a Yaksha, to be more precise, Bosacius

If you did the Yaksha's wish, you'll know that Bosacius was the missing Yaksha, and is presumably dead

In this quest you encounter his statement, were he leaves his wealth to the one that's fated to it, in simple terms, you

So, this is my theory, Bosacius was contaminated by the corruption and disease, so once his duties were done, he would end his suffering, but he might failed and/or was saved by Changsheng

If this is true, Changsheng might be like Qiqi, someone who has Adeptal energy or because an Adepti, but my only exhibits with this are that she can speak, that she's been with Baizhu for a very long time and that she's diurnal

But hey, before you said 'BuT oZ iS-!' Oz is probably a manifestation of Fischl's vision's powers

Either way, at some point, Bosacius changed his name to Baizhu and at some point meet Changsheng, later open (or began to work at) the Bubu Pharmacy, he took Qiqi in, while trying to cure his disease, hint why Herbalist Gui tell us that he's ill since they first met til today and hasn't gone better

And if you look at Baizhu for the very first time, would you tell me that he's sick? Because for me, he isn't

Now this could apply to Rouran but we 'haven't' met him nor have a model of him, neither more information about him other than he's male, the owner of Pearl Galley, we meet him without noticing, and that he is physically frail

So that it, that's the theory

I'm going to admit that I was planning on taking about his medicines because they mentioned that they are traditional, and I thought 'oh! Maybe Guizong showed him how to made them?'

Anyways, sorry for not posting here (I decided to work on many oneshots and never finished them), many things happened but I got a Diluc (in Zhongli's banner (yay!)) a Jean, Wolf's gravestone and another Mona (got one earlier) on the Wanderlust Invocation while trying to get the Primordial Jade-wingded Spear for Xiao and thanking Paimon that I don't need any 4 star of Ganyu's banner nor their constellations, and I don't want Ganyu honestly (for now) I waited since the beginning for Xiao and I will get him

Have a great day/night, stay safe, take care of your self and good luck with your pulls

And for the Xiao's simps or stans, keep going! We only need to suffer for like 20 days before his banner (if he goes first (which I hope so))

Edit 1 (18/1/2021) (don't know how many edits this will have):

Thanks for the likes, this literally blew up, and I really wanted to say that I appreciate it

Anyways, this edit is short because I just saw Baizhu's vision and a little thought I had so

Exhibit 3: Baizhu's vision

That vision chain thing and Xiao's shoulder pad (?) look so similar (for me) that I actually suffer through an Mandela effect (I thought that Baizhu's vision chain was identical to Xiao's shoulder pad)

This doesn't add to much but I kinda find it curious (if you want, picture me with the clown wig and make up, I don't blame you)

By the way, the daughter that Huixin mentions she has is Yaoyao? Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me, someone tasked Ganyu to take care of her, and that someone is working in the Ministry of civil affairs, and the first thing that comes in my mind if you ask me of someone who's Ganyu's underling, the first thing that comes to my mind is Yaoyao, if it's true tho... I called it!

[reddeadreference]

Blog Progress Update (Travel Blog Style 🤔#15)

Didn't realize the vampire was a one stab you dead kinda guy… it wouldn't let me use photo mode so I have to run a few feet but DAMN HE FAST so he got me. And now he's gone..

Worked on a lot of posts so I'm ready to play a lot to get more photos. Gotta spend a lot a time in camp.

Went "hunting" with Pearson. Mary-Beth asked Pearson about Kieran and I'm not gonna cry I'm not gonna cry I'm not gonna-

Getting some Camp Life photos. 

Ya know a while back someone in the fandom complained about people portraying Javier as a smooth ladies man just because he's Hispanic… BRUH the number of times I've seen him sit by Tilly to smoke, play his guitar around the girls/next to them, ask how they are (like asking Karen about her drinking, not like the usual greeting stuff). I'm not saying that makes him a ladies man.. but he clearly cares about them. Idk if that makes him "smooth" with women but it's not like there 0 evidence of him interacting with the camp girls in a friendly/nice manner. 

Call it dumb but I am putting this mission off so much and I legit don't want to do it because of how it's gonna hurt Mary-Beth… (which makes me feel like an ass cause I didn't care as much about how Karen would feel… but also I wasn't as attached to Sean as I am Kieran… and to be fair.. Karen didn't SEE Sean… Mary-Beth is the one to SEE and say "it's Kieran!" That just makes it so much worse….

Fuck I don't wanna do it…

Okay pipe for Dutch (even tho he doesn't deserve it… I just found Molly talking to herself at the end of the pier… damn you Dutch for messing her up this badly) 

Then…  then I will go the mission that shall not be named

Hang on… I can rustle cattle with Uncle??? This is something I know for a fact I've never done before. (I never spent much time in chapter 4 honestly)

So Kieran has been missing since after Jack's party… yet somehow… he donated $6.59 to camp? Game… don't play with my emotions like this…

Finally go to bring Dutch his damn pipe… and he's asleep half under his bed. He's been stuck standing in front of the damn thing for days and now that I actually want to interact he's sleeping.. it's almost 8am WAKE UP DUTCH.

It's 4:30am real time I need to get this damn mission over with and I want to give you this damn pipe first!

*Makes Arthur sleep til noon*

DAMN IT DUTCH

*Makes Arthur sleep til morning*

I stg if he's not up… FUCKING DAMN IT

It's not my fault you waited a fuckin week before sleeping! Get up so I can give you a gift!

Dutch… Dutch I'm gonna burn your book… fuck it you're getting it after you bonk your damn brain

Time for pain.

I'm Not Okay (I promise) … nope MCR reference didn't help..

[deeisace]

I. I have done a stupid thing

A coworker was saying she's working a week on the trot and her next day off is Tuesday

And I thought, I have the whole weekend off

Why don't I take your Saturday closing shift, and then we'll both have a weekend day off

Which is stupid. Cs it's Tuesday and I'm already taking a post-work nap and not making food, I'll be a zombie, especially with a closing shift

But it's done now, so

I'm just fully incapable of not offering to help, it's very very stupid of me

I have energy drinks and the ability to order takeaways (days when I can sit on my front step for half an hour waiting, cs the doorbell's been broken for months. Not today), I'll be okay

Tomorrow is the only day I finish early (2 instead of 4) so I'm gonna use that to go and do a big easy-food shop so I don't have to do things this week, is the plan

And I'm also going to take all the break time I'm allowed, which I don't normally (idk what the deal is, but we get 15 mins paid break (almost always take that), or half hour unpaid, or you can take an hour unpaid on long shifts (my days til 4) but you have to ask)

I'll be fine with half hours tho and I'll keep an eye on how I am

[goddessoftheblackcoast]

How did you do 8 days without alcohol? I'm asking because I'm pretty much dependent on alcohol and wondering how you did it?

Idk if I like answering these questions because I have an extremely large problem with it and will probably want to drink after I type my answer out to you.

Side note: I get all these disgusting hateful anons about how much of a drunk I am on here over the past few years and it sucks. Some people out there just don’t get it or understand why anyone wants to be drunk all the time. (Cuz it’s fun u bitch) But that’s fine. I do not like to talk about it and will always avoid and never expose my problem. but fuck it we are all getting intimate here at a time like this... And it’s weird to be this sober for this long. Maybe I will tell.

Ok disclaimer: My situation is not unique! I know a lot of ppl have shit ass abusive family members or friends that are alcoholics or were affected by a drunk driver. And they fucking suck. I fucking suck.

I am posting this for sake of conversation and maybe for myself. And you.

I feel like I have to give a background info so you know this isn’t coming from “I’m 22 and I’m an alcoholic 🎉🙃🤪” - but also I am still young and know there’s probably ppl reading this that have it worse than me.

I’m 29 and have been drunk since I was 23/24. I started drinking to a whole new level of heavily in 2016. I’d bring drinks to class, I’d go to bars in between classes, I drank to sleep, I had to have a drink with what I was eating, I had drinks for breakfast. I drank before my 6 am job. I was drunk the entire year in Asia and probably forget half of my trip. I drank before dealing with professional situations. I had to drink to get rid of menstrual cramps. I had to drink when my guy came over to hang out. I had to drink to talk to ppl usually when I wanted to get to know them. I always had to drink more than all my friends. I loved showing how hard I was on myself and showing how much I could drink and still be fine (Dumbass). I never get kicked out of bars. I am a cool, calm and collect and usually like to drink alone and hold myself pretty together most of the time. I love to drink alone so much. honestly between 2016 to 2020 have had in total 25 days of no alcohol. My favorite quote: “a sober man can be bored when by himself but a drunk is never bored” or something like that. Now that I think about it this might be a selfish post but oh well.

So currently as of July this year I moved back into my house which is basically a cabin that overlooks a canyon from a terrible apartment and a terrible relationship that lasted a year. (Boohoo amirite)

Uhm that was long but it came out.

To answer your question:

In my situation it’s 3.5 things: 1) a change in environment and 2) I can’t feel sorry for myself anymore with the old situation I was in. I can’t feel sorry for myself my relationship never started working out since July of last year and was dragged on til July of this year, I can’t feel sorry for myself that I moved 2.5 hours away to live closer to my job that never ended up lasting and wasted sooo much $. I can’t feel sorry that my boss was a piece of shit to me, I can’t feel sorry that my house almost burnt down and I had to be a part of the camp fire clean up and recover bodies n shit. I drank half a bottle of liquor but mostly more a day last year/this year in that apartment

New house, new hair, new me..

3) I can also feel my body really not handling my habit at all like it used to. My side hurts. Not just hurts but fuckin hurts. Ive experienced shakes. I’ve gained weight and my memory is insanely terrible now. I forget stories about people I care about and they get frustrated with me having to ask over and over. Im getting fed up with myself asking “what did I say” or “what happened”. I don’t want to do that to them :(

4) smoke weed

Also being financially fucked, not just from spending $ on booze but buying hangover food all the time

However Im constantly always thinking about the luscious lustyness feeling I would get and all my problems would go away. Getting older and seeing how many problems I’ve actually created because of alcohol is also a buzzkill. Idk you do you. Keep yourself busy tho. Your days are counting. Being wasted laying in bed with tumblr open is a fucking waste and you know it even though I’ve done it countless times......

Might I fucking add Covid is not the icing but the candles on this cake. Fuck

[captainmeowvelwrites]

You Times Two (Ch.9)

Pairing: Marinette/Ladybug | Adrien/Chat Noir Words: 4345 Summary: Ladybug knew this was necessary. She was the Guardian. He had the Cat Miraculous. But when his suit evaporated in a glow of pale green, she sure hadn’t expected him to have something far more precious: her heart. Cross-posted: AO3 and FFN

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | ...

Recap: Previously, on You Times Two… Maribug was a bit of a depresso espresso, what with the impending Adrigami date and fifth wheeling her friends. That is, until our favourite dude cheered her up with pizza, turtle talk and some good ol’ Mario Kart. Of course, her kitty-cat’s banana puns might’ve helped a smidge. But will dustings of Adrigami continue to throw her off? And when Chilluka rocks up, will Jealadrien be far behind?

---

Chapter Nine

An hour after Adrien's slippery ascent to victory, they turned to Ultimate Mecha Strike III for some more hearty butt-whooping.

With one final zap of an energy beam, the words "KAGAMI WINS" flashed across the screen, and her crimson mecha-tank launched a clawed fist in the air.

"Aw maaan!" Nino dumped his controller on the coffee table. "How could I lose to a total noob?" He froze. "Uh – No offence! You did good, dudette – I mean Kagami!"

Alya clutched her stomach, her cheeks red from laughing. "Nice one, Kagami! You – You really got him good with that – ah – that triple kick hyperstorm combo!"

"Yeah, Kagami!" Adrien nudged her shoulder with his own. "Only your third game and already you're winning!"

Marinette gave a thumbs up. "You're a natural."

Kagami threaded a strand of hair behind her ear, the slightest of blushes grazing her cheeks. "Thank you, everyone. I couldn't have won without Marinette's expert teaching." She bowed her head, her mouth curving into a smile that simply looked like it belonged there.

That small fact made Marinette's own smile double in size.

"But, dudes, I'm sick of UMS."

Alya tapped down the brim of Nino's precious cap. "You're just sick of losing, babe."

Pouting, he straightened his hat. "That's not the point, Al." He bounced to his feet, eyes on Adrien. "Why don't we fire up Just Dance instead? Let's show 'em our swagger!"

Adrien's face practically glowed as he leapt from the sofa, Kagami's hands falling from his arm to her lap. "You're on, Nino!"

"Ha!" Nino flashed his signature finger guns. "On like Donkey Kong!"

With an overly dramatic scoff, Adrien placed a hand to his chest in a decidedly Chat Noir fashion. "Excuse me? Only I have the rights to that line… especially after my ape overthrew our princess." He sent Marinette an over the shoulder wink and naturally, a flush flamed across her face.

While Nino set up Just Dance, Adrien shrugged out of his blazer in one fluid movement and flicked it over the sofa with a ridiculous amount of flair. He rolled his neck, laced his fingers and stretched his arms out before him. Pair that with the fact his polished shoes, snug jeans, and long-sleeved dress shirt were all black and wow, he was but a tail away from his alter ego. The only thing missing was a poorly timed pun. The flush across her face deepened.

Adrien strutted up to the TV. Umber drapes framed the wide balcony doors to his left, swaying with the wind that weaved through the living room to fan his golden hair. With his eyes on the screen, he raised a thoughtful hand to his chin. His fingers were soaked in sunlight, its rays catching his ring at just the right angle to inspire a shine of silver. Buzzfeed had once dubbed this particular pose The Pondering Prince. It was easy to see why on a rainy day. And even easier when sunbeams spilled across his hair like a literal crown of sunshine.

Marinette wasn't staring.

Nope, not at all.

The choruses of classic pop songs cut through the air as Nino cycled through choreographies. She knew the moment a song stood out to Adrien, by the way The Pondering Prince transformed into The Keen Cutie.

An annoyingly catchy melody sprung through the speakers:

'Take me by the tongue and I'll know you. Uh! Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you—'

The boys exchanged an eager high five, while Marinette bit back a snort. Chat Noir choosing Moves Like Jagger?

"Only you would, Adrien. Silly ca—" Her mouth snapped shut, but his merry eyes were already on her. She went ramrod straight in her seat. "Ca – Can't be used to describe you row—I mean now – no, right now." She shook her head madly. "Or – uh – any time, really. Because you're so great. At moving. With your feet!"

Adrien stared at her. She could almost see the cogwheels turning in his eyes. Hopefully those cogwheels had nothing to do with her slip up and everything to do with interpreting her word vomit. Finally, he graced her with one of his classic, heart-warming smiles. "Thank you, Marinette!"

She threw two thumbs up. "Well done! I mean, welcome!"

To her right, she could just feel concerned eyes on her.

And to her left, Alya facepalmed.

Adrien's soft smile lingered on Marinette for a moment longer, before a "Ready, bro?" brought his attention back to the TV. She sucked in a breath.

That smile. That classic Adrien smile. It was a gentle, shy sort of smile. One that made you feel special. Chat Noir's smile, on the other hand, was silly, cheeky, at times flirty—and had prompted her to groan on several occasions. Totally different, right?

But they were the same person! As classmates, she could probably count the amount of coherent conversations she'd had with him on her hands. But as partners, they were closer than ever. She'd thought of him as one of her dearest friends long before learning his civilian identity. Now, an unpleasant question reared its awful head. Were his smiles wildly different? Or just her reactions to them?

Alya's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "Daaang!" she called, flaunting a smirk. "You boys are pulling out all the stops today. Where've you been hiding those dance moves, Adrien?"

Marinette looked up at the boy in question and saw her friend, Adrien, dancing with the unbridled joy of her partner, Chat Noir.

And Alya's words must've emboldened him, for he broke away from the choreography with a suave spin on the spot. "Come on, Al. You don't actually think I spent home-school doing schoolwork, do you?" As Maroon 5 whistled on, he executed each move with a flawless flourish. To think, this was the same guy who high-fived street signs with his face.

Alya snickered. "Not bad, Blondie. Not bad at all!"

With an achingly familiar bow, he enacted the tipping of a fake top hat. A silent thank you. One with the pizzazz befitting of her partner.

His theatrics brought out a giggle. She'd seen her silly kitty cut a rug, as he liked to call it, more times than she cared to count. On quiet patrols. In the heat of battle. A few months ago, an amateur video of his dancing had even trended online (he'd reminded her for over a week). His timing was never impeccable, but as they'd grown closer, stifling a smile at his zest for interpretive movement had become increasingly tricky.

"Yes!" Nino wheezed, flinging his arm in time with the dancing avatar on the screen. "I'm catching up!" He was so out of breath. "Keep distracting him!"

"Oh Adrien," her bestie proclaimed, as he moonwalked like a professional zombie from Thriller. "Our dazzling King of Swag!" He held a hand to his ear, spurring her on. "Your flow knows no bounds. I must bow before such unrivalled finesse." True to her word, she bowed in her seat.

And boy, did he lap up the praise! He performed a ridiculously smooth body roll, and concluded it with a click of his fingers. His smile was nearly blinding.

That was all the motivation Marinette needed to pop in her own compliment. "In the not so distant future, bards shall sing of our swagtabulous leader's epic freestyling, and their song shall aptly be named Moves Like Swagdrien!"

Just when she'd thought he couldn't shine any brighter, a laugh burst from his lips. It was one she seldom heard without his mask and the fact she'd brought it out only swelled her sprinting heartbeat.

His next move involved a little hip swaying and a lot of arm swinging. Marinette had only played Fortnite a handful of times, but she had a sneaking suspicion she'd once witnessed it there.

"Keep going, ladies!" Nino implored. "I'm finally winning!"

"Yaaas!" Alya called. "Swagdrien The Suave!"

"Woo!" Marinette launched her fists in the air. "Swagdrien The Debonair!"

"Adrien," Kagami cut in, her puzzled tone stark against the laughter of her friends. "You aren't following the choreography?"

"Rules," he panted, "are made to be broken." As if to emphasise his point, he pulled a double arm wave.

Her brows scrunched. "But you're losing?"

Adrien, now mid-robot, incorporated a shrug into his dance. "This way's more fun"—he threw her a smile—"don't you think?"

His dancing didn't die down in the slightest, nor did the laughter that ensued in its wake.

---

Marinette, like most people, enjoyed bobbing along to Despacito at the best of times.

But this wasn't the best of times.

No, it was the worst. The absolute worst.

More good-natured trash-talking had led to Nino challenging Adrien to a dance-off. But not just any dance-off. No, a double couple dance off (read: everyone but her).

Furthermore, the universe was really testing her limits today—because Despacito's choreography was jam-packed with touching between partners. Sure, Kagami was rather stiff. She'd never played Just Dance before, but Adrien's skills more than made up for that. His hands nestled on her hips, their smiles broad and their bodies close as they moved to the beat.

She tried to smile. She tried to be happy for them. This was what they both wanted. Inserting herself between them – like matter between two magnets – would only be selfish. Even so, she couldn't deny the way her gut writhed at the sight of the happy almost-couple. And she couldn't help but notice Kagami's growing blush.

A distraction.

She needed a distraction.

As if some higher being had honed in on her thoughts, three knocks echoed throughout the apartment. Knuckles on wood had never sounded so wonderful!

Marinette jumped from the sofa. "I'll get it!"

Finally, she'd no longer be the fifth wheel to a quad bike. No, with Luka here, she'd instead be a part of some strange, six-wheeled hybrid. Much more appealing. She raced to the front door and swung it open.

Teal eyes smiled down at her, and their owner gave a little wave, black nail polish shining in the light of the stairwell.

"Luka!" She sprung a hug upon him and without hesitation, he returned it. The exchange only lasted two seconds – three tops – but by gosh, the rich scent of sandalwood delighted her senses long after. "So, how was your shift?"

"Oh, it couldn't end fast enough."

Truer words had never been spoken.

Marinette took his free hand in hers and guided him to the living room. The two couples were still dancing up a storm, guitar chords and Spanish lyrics echoing through the room. "Hey, I see you brought your guitar." She beamed up at him. "You'll have to play us something later. I'd really love to hear my song again!"

From the corner of her eye, Adrien stumbled mid-step.

"I saw that, Blondie!" cackled Alya, her hand in Nino's as they grooved from side to side. "You burning out?"

"Never!" He broke away from the choreography and Kagami quirked a brow as he puffed his chest out into a body roll, even more fluid than his first.

Luka slipped a guitar case off of his shoulders and against the sofa. "Hey, everyone!" He was answered by an array of breathless greetings. "Oh, right." He chuckled. "They're just dancing."

Marinetted laughed—

Until she realised the wordplay wasn't intentional.

"Wow!" Luka chimed, settling on the sofa. "Nice moves, Adrien."

Green eyes remained on the screen. "Thanks."

Marinette swiped the pizza box from the table, four pieces saved within it. "As promised, Luka!" Handing over the box, she sat beside him. "If you're not a cold pizza kinda guy, I can always heat it up for you?"

With a slice of pizza in hand, his free arm reached behind her, resting across the back of the sofa. "It's okay, Marinette. I'm perfectly fine with cold pizza." His eyes were as gentle as his smile. "The thought's appreciated though. Thank you."

A flush crept up her face as he looked at her, but she didn't mind. Not at all.

---

'We are one tonight, and we're breathing in the same air—'

With an easy smile, Marinette tapped her toes in time to the lively tempo of Turn Up The Love. To no one's surprise, Alya and Nino were nailing every move thrown their way—and fast approaching new high scores.

"Wow," Luka spoke up beside her, and her eyes flitted toward him. "They're so in tune, don't you think?"

Marinette gave a merry nod, recalling a time she'd said similar words to a certain blond.

She leant against the coffee table, smiling at the sight of her dancing friends. "They're so in sync with each other."

"You're right," Adrien said, from the other end of a FaceTime call. "Someday I hope I'll find someone I can share everything with… like they do."

In the present, she pursed her lips. Had Adrien been thinking of Ladybug then? Her eyes drifted toward the boy in question, only to catch his eyes zipping away that very second.

"Too right, Luka!" Adrien leaped into their conversation—and winced when his voice shot up an octave. Clearing his throat, he directed a smile at the dancing duo. "When's the wedding, guys?"

Alya skipped around Nino, her arms swinging to the beat. "We don't know the date just yet."

"But don't worry," Nino puffed. "You'll definitely be my best dude!"

"They're only fourteen, Adrien." Kagami tilted her head, her dark hair shifting. "How young do you plan to get married?"

Beside her, Marinette felt him tense. "Oh – I – Ye-ah." His voice cracked. "Fourteen's way too young! The legal age is – uh – eighteen, right?"

"You plan to be married at eighteen?"

"Err – Well, I don't – I don't know?" He squeezed out a laugh. "I mean, maybe. For the right girl?"

"Does that mean you'd marry the wrong girl if you were older?"

"No, I just—"

"Your indecision is troubling, Adrien."

Those words seemed to resonate with him. He shrunk into the sofa like a silent apology.

Marinette's nails dug dents into her palms—but Kagami didn't deserve her ire. She wasn't exactly well-acquainted with social cues. Heck, she probably didn't even realise what she was doing.

Flexing her paling fingers, Marinette turned to Luka, a wordless plea to fix this. She didn't trust herself to.

And he didn't disappoint.

"Hey, Marinette?" Both fencers looked his way. "Has anyone else tried your macarons yet?"

Adrien clung to those words. "I saw the carton on the bench, but I didn't want to be the first one to crack into them!" With a sheepish chuckle, he dipped a hand behind his neck. "I figured we were saving them for later in the day?"

If he didn't get his passionfruit macaron today, Marinette would scream to high heaven. "No no, Adrien!" She waved her hands for emphasis. "Feel free to help yourself. No, actually—"

She launched to her feet.

He did the same.

"—I'll bring them over," they said in unison. Blinking at each other, they laughed at once. "Sorry," they said. "I – Uh. You go first! No, you—"

Marinette held up a hand. "I'll bring the napkins. You bring the macarons. Deal?"

"Deal!"

---

A minute later, Alya and Nino collapsed onto the sofa, their chests heaving after their dance. To his delight, Nino had come out on top, destroying his former high score along with Alya's. (Not at all suspiciously, Alya had matched him point-for-point until the last thirty seconds, when her dancing had deteriorated just enough to let him win.)

A cardboard carton, with a golden emblem adorning its lid, rattled in Marinette's palms. While Adrien shared napkins around, she plonked down beside Luka. "I hope all this dancing's worked up everyone's appetite!"

Alya accepted a napkin. "By the grin on Adrien's face, I'd say his answer is a resounding yes."

"Can't blame him, babe. Those moves were unreal."

"It must be the fencing."

"From what I saw, he was a one-man sonata."

"Or a unicorn."

"Girl, did you just call Adrien a unicorn?"

Marinette nodded, unabashed. She was trying to get over him, yes. That didn't mean he wasn't still one of a kind.

With all leftover napkins now on the coffee table, Adrien resumed his seat between Marinette and Kagami. "Full disclosure: I'd make a magnificent unicorn."

Laughter erupted.

And only as it died down did Marinette speak again. "In that case, I sure hope unicorns like macarons!" She flipped back the carton in her lap, revealing an assortment of brown and yellow treats. "We've got two flavours: Belgian chocolate and passionfruit. I would've made more, but I was a little short on time."

"I'll believe it," Alya teased.

She stuck out her tongue. "Just a heads up, everyone—"

From the corner of her eye, Kagami reached for Adrien's hand and threaded it with her own. His smile wavered. He went to pull back, but Kagami tightened her grip—without realising? Adrien's struggling stopped.

"Yike—"

Marinette glimpsed a stern look from Alya.

"I mean LIKE! Yeah. I was, like, extra clumsy this morning and – err – dropped the macarons on this side." She jabbed a finger toward the left of the carton. "So – Um. Sorry about that."

Hands reached from all sides, lightening the carton in her hands, and delighted hums soon floated through the living room.

"Girl, you've really outdone yourself this time!"

"Ditto, babe!"

"I agree." Kagami admired the yellow, half-eaten macaron between her fingers. Her other hand still gripped Adrien's. "This is really delicious."

Adrien's face inched near as he marvelled at the macarons. "You made these, Marinette?" She thought she felt herself nod. "They look delicious!" He took one from the tainted side. Passionfruit, of course. His first bite— "Wow." He gazed at the treat like it was the answer to world peace. "Marinette, this macaron. It's… It's perfect!"

She felt herself beam as he savoured a second bite. This beautiful moment was most definitely worth the many Sundays she'd spent baking a single macaron.

In or out of the suit. Chat Noir or Adrien. He was her friend. Maybe she'd never see those three kids or that hamster. Maybe she'd never have that dog or that beautiful house. At least, not with Adrien.

Because they were superheroes.

Because of apocalyptic cataclysms.

Because he said he loved Ladybug, but in the end, he chose Kagami.

But she could still make him happy.

Luka reached for a treat last. His side pressed into hers as he leaned closer and picked a chocolate macaron. Like this morning, he went for the street-sullied side. With his free arm splayed behind her, he settled back into the couch cushions and savoured the snack with his eyes shut. "This flavour's even better! You're so extraordinary, Marinette."

Cheeks aflame, Marinette brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Extraordinary.

Luka said she was extraordinary.

And it wasn't the first time. No, the first time he'd been under Hawk Moth's cruel influence. And she tried not to take a supervillain's words to heart.

But then he'd said it again, his hand warm on her arm and his eyes warmer still.

"You're the most extraordinary girl, Marinette. As clear as a musical note and as sincere as a melody. You're the music that's been playing inside my head since the first day we met."

Was it time to tune along to his song?

Marinette swallowed, searching for a reply to the wonderful words of her friends. Instead, she caught the green gaze of another boy watching her fondly.

A lump lodged in her throat.

From the day she'd met him, her heart had been his.

But he didn't want his classmate.

From the day she'd met Luka, she'd been the song inside his head.

He made sure she knew where they stood.

He supported her every decision.

He made things simple.

The logical choice was clear.

Yet her heart throbbed at the thought.

No matter what, someone was bound to get hurt. Her friend. Her partner. Herself.

For over a year, she'd saved Paris with quick-thinking and convoluted strategies. She was the girl with a plan, the one people came to when times were tough. Yet here she was, unable to think up a single way to save her and her loved ones from heartbreak.

Why was she so useless?

Why couldn't she just keep everyone happy?

How could she possibly choose between them?

"Earth to Marinette?" Alya interrupted her thoughts. "Guys! I think we broke her with compliments!"

"No! Sorry, I just—" Marinette placed a hand to her chest and drew in a breath. "Thank you, everyone." She meant that wholeheartedly, and turned to Alya with a smile. "Wanna get back to dancing?"

"You know it!"

---

'Starships were meant to fly! Hands up and touch the sky!'

Of course, Alya had picked an old favourite of theirs: Starships by Nicki Minaj. A bop that never failed to bump up her mood. She knew the choreography well, but was still surprised by her soaring score. Her every move displayed a grace she'd never thought possible without a little latex magic, and over and over, the word "PERFECT" flashed gold on the screen. It was like the game was a one-word dictionary, but she sure wasn't complaining.

"Oh my gosh, M!" Alya puffed. "You are killing it!"

"Call me Swagrinette!"

Adrien laughed from his place on the sofa. "I don't think Swagrinette has quite the same ring to it." She threw a smile over her shoulder—just as Kagami eased her head onto his.

Marinette misstepped, but caught herself before the floor could. "Oops!" She wheezed out a laugh. "Spoke too soon, Al." Her arms circled through the air in sync with the dancing avatar.

Alya snorted. "You're still owning it!"

"She's right," Kagami added. "Your dancing's impressive, Marinette."

She glanced back at Kagami, another smile at the ready. It died on her lips at the sight she beheld. Adrien's eyes were on his hand, laced with Kagami's, and the look he wore was a resigned one. Knitted brows. A slight weight to his lips. He was unhappy—

Pain sliced through her ankle.

In a tangle of limbs, she tumbled to the floor.

Voices cried out her name.

Steps pounded.

She didn't know when, but her hand had clung to her ankle, and her face twisted as it throbbed beneath her fingertips.

"Are you okay?!"

Her eyes flew up—and what they beheld was excruciatingly familiar.

Two hands were extended before her: black nail polish painted the one on her right and an unmistakable ring adorned the one on her left. Her right hand remained around her ankle. Her other lifted off the floor. It drifted left, right, then paused dead centre.

With a composing breath, Marinette chose neither. Instead, she reached for a nearby ottoman, small and round and pastel pink, and chose to help herself off the floor. "I'm fine, guys," she said, reaching her feet.

Everyone stared, eyes rife with worry, while Starships thumped on in the background. Such upbeat music now seemed woefully out of place.

Alya propped a hand on her hip. "You sure, Marinette?"

Nino stepped to Adrien's side. "Yeah, that was one heck of a fall."

"I agree." Kagami's eyes were on Marinette's ankle. "It looked pretty serious."

Marinette fixed up a smile. "Really, I'm A-OK. See?" She shifted her weight to her right—

Another zap of pain.

Two sets of hands sprang to her shoulders, steadying her.

Marinette waved both boys away. "No no. I've got this." She hobbled over to the sofa, stifling a wince, while steps tapped behind her. "It's not as bad as it looks"—she wasn't sure if that was a lie—"but just in case, I think I'd better be a spectator for the rest of the day."

Luka seated himself to her immediate right. "First, we should really take care of your ankle." He looked to a concerned Alya, who'd seated herself on the arm of the sofa. "Do you have any ice packs?"

Adrien claimed the free spot to Marinette's left. "Plus something to act as a barrier between the ice pack and her skin." An instruction, not a suggestion. "Painkillers too. And some anti-inflammatory cream."

"On it!" Nino rushed to the freezer.

"We gotcha!" Alya's red hair whipped behind her as she dashed to the bathroom.

Marinette clung to the cushion beneath her. This was a disaster. A complete and utter disaster. But she could at least avoid dragging her friends down with her. "No need to fuss, guys." She kept her tone light. "It's really not that bad. And I don't wanna ruin the afternoon by—"

A comforting weight on her hand gave her pause. "Never." Adrien's eyes creased as he smiled, giving her hand a light squeeze. "We're just looking out for you. You'd do the same for any of us."

Luka's hand found her shoulder. "You can tell us if you're not okay, Marinette."

"Yeah, I can call you a doctor," Adrien chipped in. "Or get my driver to take you. Just say the word, Marinette."

Kagami knelt on the floor ahead of her, a cushion in hand. "I believe elevating the injury above the heart reduces swelling. Here." She placed the cushion on the coffee table and with a substantial amount of care, eased Marinette's foot upon it.

A smile flooded her face. Her friends were truly the best.

---

With a metallic whir, daylight broke upon the silhouette of a lean man, and flocks of butterflies stirred, their pale wings catching the sun.

"Ahh… An aspiring artist with a penchant for Picasso. One whose dreams have been crushed by a hard-hearted critic." Each word floated from his tongue with a delighted lilt. "What perfect prey for my akuma."

He beckoned a nearby butterfly to his awaiting palm, carefully caging it between two gloved hands. Darkness materialized, clinging to the insect and soiling its snowy wings.

"Fly away, my pretty akuma, and evilize this wounded soul!"

[m-iikeu]

[220608] 4:48 AM

#miikeu_diary : 📝

hi, I haven't posted here for 2 days. I was about to post but I've been doing some stuffs. I will still write here the things that happened to me for the past two days.

6th of June, the only thing I remember was ordering unofficial PCs and an album. Yesss! I was impulsively buying stuffs during the 6.6 sale 😭. I can already picture out myself what I am in the future if I already have work and can earn money. This is a red flag to me. Anyways, last Monday, I ordered lots of photocards, especially Jake PCs. I really wanted to have any of his rare PC but unfortunately I'm broke and can't afford to buy an official one, so I just only ordered for unofficial. I'm already excited to receive the photocards from my previous orders but then I ordered again so my pending orders will extend again for 3-5 weeks. Might receive it by the last week of July or early August, idk 😭. Another thing I did last June 6 was streaming to a live selling. Omggg, I was waiting there for almost 3 hours until I got an album. Yes, I started to join the stream by 8 pm until 11 til I got the album that I wanted. Finally, I already got an ENHYPEN's first album, my dream album!! I was so nervous that time that maybe I can't get one cuz there's a lot of people waiting and also my internet was so slow and I'm also delayed. But thank God, I was still able to get one. I kind of disappointed about the inclusions but I guess it's worth it, considering the price was very low. But still I was happy 😊.

7th of June, I woke up very late that day. We have reporting but I didn't join the meet cuz I wasn't prepared. I also missed the session for the orientation of our research proposal. I felt like, I'm no longer a good student. I feel unmotivated and I have this thoughts on quitting. But I can't cuz I don't want to disappoint my family. Nothing happened special on that day, I just helped my classmates do our assignments, after that I'm being unproductive again.

I don't have much on my mind right now. It's already 5:48 AM and it took me 1 hour to compose this diary. what the hck. My parents already woke up and I'm here pretending to sleep whenever they get in to my room. I haven't sleep yet, so maybe after I post this, I can sleep already. I'll try to update later, I can't promise cuz I still have lots of school activities to be done. I hope I can finish it on time. That's it for this morning. Bye!

[doommommy]

TW- mental health and suicide attempt and family loss

Hi friends. So I've been on various antidepressants since Oct 2010 after a very close suicide attempt. It's been almost 12 years. In that time I've had a kid, moved across the US, and had a lot of ups and downs. The reason I've taken meds for this long is that up til now, every time I tried to stop, I'd get suicidal thoughts. And especially after my now 7yo was born, I couldn't let that happen.

But lately the ones I was taking were losing efficacy so I asked my Dr and he prescribed some new ones. Been there, done that. Except this time I'm not sure I want to switch yet again. I want...something else I don't know what. All I know is that I've felt like an emotionless zombie for more than a decade and I'm sick of it. I can't cry. I lost my grandmother to covid, who was like a second mom to me, and I couldn't cry. I've wanted to cry so many times for so many reasons. To let it out, to feel the pain I know is there, but I just can't.

As of today, I haven't taken an antidepressant in 4 weeks. Two days ago I watched a dumb Disney movie with my daughter, and I actually shed a tear at the end. It felt so good. I felt so human and alive and if I can maintain my ability to function, I want to stay off them and eventually process my grandmother's death.

I'll admit I've been irritable, and I had a single passing thought of suicide, but other than that I'm okay. The other usual symptoms haven't occurred (yet). My Dr doesn't know, my family and friends don't know either. I know when to seek help and I've learned a lot of coping skills from therapy over the years.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. I guess to see if anyone out there knows what I'm going through, knows what it's like to be a cold, stoic zombie. Or if anyone can validate my need to regain the ability to have the cathartic experience of crying.

Anyway, much love to you all ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[the-cemetery-researcher]

PhD journey - 1st post

So I'm now officially not working on anything other than my thesis, although the reality of that is a little less clear cut because there are still some unfinished aspects of the Jewellery Quarter Cemeteries Project which require attention and some potential legacies too which we are trying to set up for post-PhD life. However, in general, I'm just being a student again, for the first time since the beginning of my Masters and it's a very strange adjustment. I'm used to working on lots of different things at once in the Heritage Sector - multiple jobs or juggling projects, giving me plenty of reasons not to prioritise my thesis. Now the thesis has to be my priority. The deadline is looming and I've become deliberately unemployed to make sure I don't miss it. Again.

I've always struggled with organisation, time management and procrastination. Some of this is because I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, but mostly it's because of my dyspraxia. In comparison to neurotypical people I've got a totally appaling working memory for example, and that can make it difficult to retain info and organise my thoughts. External motivation has always been a good thing for me, because being accountable to someone else's opinion of me stops me from procrastinating quite as badly - I'm a people pleaser and I like everyone to think I'm working hard and getting stuff done. So I thought that blogging my daily PhD journey would help with that.

Some background- I've been studying cemeteries since my undergraduate dissertation written during 2010-2011. Then I started an MPhil around the same topic in 2011 and upgraded it to a PhD course in 2012. I quickly had to switch to part-time study to be able to do fun things like eat and pay rent, but even so, observant readers will realise that a part-time PhD takes 6-8 years, and I've already exceeded a decade. I've sort of lost count but I think I've had 5 leaves of absence (for a variety of reasons, including at one point simply running out of money to pay the fees) and also a 1 year extension (pandemic) and most recently a 4 month extension because of my last job contract being longer than originally anticipated (also pandemic). My official deadline is now 25th June 2022. I'd really like to get it handed in before that though, because if we get some funding, my work projects will need to restart at Easter.

Therefore I'm looking at around 3 months to turn this all around and it's not going to be easy. I've already lost basically 2 weeks over Christmas due to COVID, but since the beginning of last week, I have been back on the case - although sometimes struggling to get started in the mornings (or working til late and night and then not being able to sleep) and I'm finding that my day to day working pace is really inconsistent.

Today I thought I had a meeting with my supervisor at 2pm, spent most of the day fretting over whether I had made enough progress and writing a bunch of to do lists. Then at 2pm I checked my uni email for the meeting link and discovered that he'd emailed 2 days ago suggesting that we move meeting to early February as the extension request we were going to discuss has been granted already.

I'm hoping that by writing these blog posts, I'll be able to muddle through some of the things I need to do, so that be the time that meeting comes around I'll be in better shape. It would be nice not to disappoint him for once - poor bastard has been working with me since the undergrad dissertation days, but I think it's been almost that long since I actually turned in what I was supposed to have done, on time, to a decent standard! I've come so far in other ways - public speaking, teaching, mentoring, research methods, but in terms of actual words on the page I've definitely not had any consistent progress.

I went into this PhD thinking that I wanted to be an academic, then our department closed/merged (so my teaching opportunities have been 4 hours per year...) and had a number of minor breakdowns (one of which was mostly because reading academic theory texts is so impossible, I felt intellectually incapable of ever finishing the thesis) so my relationship to the university is complicated at best. There have been long periods of time when I couldn't face opening my university emails, let alone set foot on campus, so I've got a tonne of emotional baggage to overcome in the next few months too. I'm really happy with the career I've been building, and have no regrets about the path I'm taking, but I still don't find it easy to engage with the university or wider scholarship in the way most people this close to the end of their PhD journey would be.

I've been really lucky outside of university to have an amazing community around me - through the Cemetery Research Group, in the Birmingham Heritage scene, and around the world on Twitter. Writing this blog feels very vulnerable, so I hope you'll all be kind while I struggle and rant for the next 3 months. I know I'll feel the love of my 'village' rooting for me to finally, finally, hand the damn thing in!

I'm writing these posts on 750words.com (it's a great place to write without distractions) and then uploading to an this old tumblr blog I haven't used for years, so hopefully they'll be interpersed with cool cemetery photos too!