#its a problem

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Don’t tell anybody but I may have created like two or three new AU’s that I probably will not share

[pommiigranate]

Hi tumblr. I’ve been rlly into yaoi recently 👍👍👍

[cristaformanimations]

Im fine.

[reason-with-the-underdog]

au where siraj recruited kaveh into his hivemind, except kaveh doesn't know he's in a hivemind

ok so in a series of unfortunate events, kaveh is inducted into siraj's hivemind.

...except he has no idea he's in a hivemind & just thinks he has weirder intrusive thoughts than usual

so the hivemind is suddenly full of:

"the cross-tensile strength of concrete made with fine grit sand + seawater is.." and

"remember to place another order of those beautiful tiles" and

"i can't believe alhaitham wakes up an hour early to drink coffee leisurely before work"

...wait what?

siraj goes from being jubilant over recruiting the light of the kshahrewar into his hivemind(!!!!) to realising very quickly that hivemind thoughts about alhaitham have increased by 250%.

in three days.

basically kaveh accidentally hijacks siraj's hivemind lmao with his 21 revision draft woes and also with the thought of how cute alhaitham is when he hums while doodling

imagine if alhaitham goes through all the effort of his SQ and then he discovers that the hivemind is already in shambles bc there's a civil war waging between two camps:

"alhaitham is the worst" and

"alhaitham is misunderstood"

(kaveh is leader of them both btw)

kaveh has no idea he's part of the hivemind (and has been considering hivemind thoughts to be intrusive thoughts) so when they get more negative, he's just like "wow brain i know alhaitham's the worst but that's a little extreme... he should be nicer to me though, you're right, brain"

once the truth is revealed, kaveh would be VERY horrified to discover that many many strangers know a bunch about his personal problems

(he got tipsy and went on a passionate rant about how capitalism devalues what it cannot sell to the masses, the hivemind was ENRAPTURED and agreed to form a union immediately...

siraj put a stop to that, absolutely no need for unions in a hivemind!!!)

it turns out that the hivemind has incredible potential for unlocking human brainpower beyond individual capacity, exactly by design ...which also means its easily hijacked by strong emotional appeals for idealistic causes

exactly what kaveh is good at--

except kaveh isn't actually trying to radicalise anyone into becoming activists. he just thinks a lot about how the decline of arts in sumeru is a leading sign of academic society's downfall... also about how there exists disrespectful juniors who always keep score, whatever happened to common decency!

so this means siraj & kaveh having a brain fight broadcast over hivemind like:

siraj: alhaitham is a terrible scribe who will kneecap the akademiya with his close mindedness

kaveh: don't be preposterous, he's actually really good at his job. alhaitham can't stand incompetence, especially in himself

another hivemind member: shut up about alhaitham already

siraj & kaveh: no.

bear in mind that this is the time period where kaveh built mehrak bc he was lonely so when he accidentally joins the hivemind, there are no red flags to him bc hell yeah, he's not lonely anymore, he's got a bunch of random voices in his head now

call that problem solving 😤😤🧠‼️

tighnari is mildly concerned when kaveh stops ranting to him as much about his roommate woes as of late. kaveh says that he's gotten better at talking with the voices in his head about his emotional problems, actually more helpful than you'd think

tighnari: the what now

kaveh: idk remember that one time you said i should see a therapist

tighnari: yeah..?

kaveh: well i looked up how much that costs & oof... anyways some stuff happened and then now its like i have imaginary group therapy sessions

tighnari: now you need that therapist even more tbh

siraj went from congratulating himself for recruiting the light of kshahrewar into the hivemind to experiencing major regret in 0.4 seconds bc it turns out kaveh has unmedicated adhd and now the hivemind is:

20% rug facts

12% fancy angles

28% eco-friendly wood veneer

25% alhaitham thots

15% wine math

recruiting kaveh into the hivemind is the beginning of the end for siraj's plotting bc the hivemind's existence becomes known now that alhaitham suddenly goes from being "who? oh, is that the scribe?" to:

oh my god IM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HIM

he sounds like a dick tbh

i know way too much about how this guy prefers his coffee, almost like we had lived together??

imagine if kaveh mostly ignored the responses he gets from the hivemind (there's plenty of thoughts going on in his head, no need to pay attention all of em) except for when he needs witty quips to respond to alhaitham with, which the hivemind delivers, pronto

quality of life upgrade right there for kaveh, huge!

imagine having all the computing power of a hivemind at your fingertips... and you use it to come up with clever remarks for your housemate who you absolutely do not think too much about

(the hivemind goes absolutely wild when they learn that alhaitham chuckles at one response)

siraj is coping & seething SO HARD btw this hivemind was supposed to benefit HIM the most!!!! how did this happen. this is all alhaitham's fault, clearly

kaveh: ok random negative thought, not everything is alhaitham's fault. i'm perfectly capable of creating my own problems!!

anyways the hivemind falls apart, for entirely different reasons to canon, but also very much due to alhaitham's existence. kaveh still doesn't know who siraj is

[sukibea]

Some Scarian bc I adore them!

[marvin-needs-love]

me to myself: alright. I'm not going to ship any more star wars characters together. Its bad news, and I know its not gonna end well for them at all.

these ships: *exist*

me: whoops haha nevermind :)

[therabbitthatpostthings]

No cause, Howl’s greatest strength as a person and a character is the ability to trick others and the audience into thinking that he is a melodramatic idiot that lucks his way into problems that he has started. AND HE IS BUT HE’S ALSO VERY SMART I PROMISE-

This mf is so good at blending into an exaggerated version of himself that you don’t even notice just how smart he is. This fucking college dropout mastered dimensional travel and keeps said device built into his HOUSE. HE HAS A MAGIC WINDOW THAT PEERS INTO THE HUMAN WORLD SO HE CAN CHECK ON HIS FAMILY-

My god I wanna dissect this- is this why people annotate in the story???? I- I have to buy a second copy….

[bookskiver]

[goosepool]

I don’t think you understand the physical reaction my body has when Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls comes on

[artemisblock]

I think about her a lot

[lesbalixn]

That silly moment when a 9 year old video game takes over your every waking thought

[skyekitsuneart]

hey gang. this is my 420th time trying to start consistently uploading my art to the internet.

to start: ive become a danganronpa kid in 2024

[slashes-slut]

I'm so weak for pretty boys

[ineffable-baker-street]

since saturday three days ago when i first began watching good omens i have watched the whole series twice, the last episode four times, and have not stopped thinking about the show and crowley and aziraphale for more than two minutes. i've dreamt about them the last three nights. they have completely taken over every single aspect of my life

[dishonestemily]

With the amount of money I spend on Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri merch you’d think I’d be paying them child support. I make up 1% of their multi-million income.

[psychojetcocktail]

I promised i would, heres some sketches i did of him