#alright alright enough talking to myself online lol

[bilestat]

insane how quickly something small can tank my mood

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

listen... listen. i'd love just as much as anybody to get to make a fool of myself in person with all my fellow fools, as opposed to making a collective fool of ourselves online. I just don't know if we have the brainpower to organize it. The first dashcon, as far as i know, was a logistical disaster. I know there's a spreadsheet side of tumblr, and... *shudder* a business side (I checked) but are they willing to help? are we willing to accept their help?

More issues to consider: With the cost of living and travel and the very decentralized tumblr userbase, on what continent would dashcon 2.0 be held? would there need to be online signups? payments? a website? who would create and oversee those things?

What if we tried to have a number of smaller cons for different regions? Only around 600 folks have answered 100% YES on your poll - How many users need to show up before we have folks from enough major communities to feel like a true tumblr party? How do we guarantee those numbers? What about major blogs? do we just hope they show up or pay them to sign autographs? is it a multi-day affair, like dashcon tried to be, or do we aim low?

There is so much that goes into an event like this- transit, trucking, storage, space, sign-ups, accounting, licensing, begging, scheduling, convincing, emailing, hiring, firing, decorating, ordering, packing... I haven't even gotten to the tip of the iceberg meme.

Do we hire planners and event companies, or are we too embarrassed to ask? How does everyone work around their day jobs and careers? Who is organizing dashcon 2.0, and what is their stake in it? How do we not repeat the mistakes of those who came before us?

Anyway, if you're gonna do it, I want to help. let's talk.

hmm alright I have thoughts

because I agree, I don’t know if we have the brainpower or money to organize it. my sincere hope with posting about a hypothetical dashcon has been that some super determined millionaire would be like “hey here- have this money and here’s a bunch of connections I have to people to help you organize this”…..so basically lots and lots of wishful thinking lmao.

while the business side of tumblr does seem terrifying, we might have to accept their help if they’re willing.

all of the logistics you mentioned are very very true things that I imagine the original dashcon creators didn’t fully take into account (or i’d assume as much based on the chaos that ensued lol)

as for location, yeahhh that’s the definite hard part. in my head, I keep seeing this as like a vidcon (which is terrible because it wouldn’t be as big but idk) which is held in California. but idk how feasible that is for the average Tumblr base. and that does definitely cut down the amount of people that would be able or willing to come so idk.

and I also imagine having like panels and possibly meet and greets or something with major blog owners, but idk if we’d just beg them to come or find a way to pay them.

As for the whole last paragraph- aaaaah I have absolutely no idea.

i’m definitely not going to spearhead organizing such an event (mostly because I don’t want my real name associated with it in case it goes to shit again lmaoo) but if someone else had more resources to do so, I would absolutely be willing to help.

and if anyone sees this and has conference-planning experience and wants to help make a bunch of wishful Tumblr users dreams come true…. please let me know and i’d love to help!

[thewizardtower]

So, I did some thinking this morning over a cup of coffee. ☕

Since I never actually expected people in fandom to refer to me, let alone talk to me, ever (hello, my fellow introverts), I just kinda let people call me 'Aed' or 'Aedric' since I didn't know what else to do when people started talking to me in this fandom.

From now on, I'm going to try and urge fandom folks (who obviously don't know me well enough to know my real name) to call me either Ahroun or Necromeowncy (or any shorthand variations of Necromeowncy if that's too long). Just kinda want to push the difference between Aedric and myself. Aed is my OC, not me the writer/player.

I've used Ahroun as my online handle since I was a teenager on Legend of Zelda RP forums lol so at this point, it's been my username for just about everything in my life and feels like a true secondary name. Necromeowncy is also another longtime handle of mine for just about everything, and I know it refers to me, not my characters. Anyway, I hope this is alright to set this boundary, and no one gets upset at me establishing that for myself. ^^;

Thank you!

[ahi-django]

Saying Hi to the user of this blog!

Alright, since I never made an introduction of myself clearly, other than posting my Sona once..

The name's Aiden. You may also call me Ahi. I'm currently so and so many years old (check in my info box, lol), I use he/they pronouns, and I'm a wannabe artist/writer.

Basically, my ask box is open for everyone, so let's chat! You can talk to me about the topics I listed down below or ask me random things. Yeah.

My main interests are;

One Piece (Anime in general)

Genshin Impact

Kingdom Hearts

Final Fantasy XIV Online

However, there is other media I consume as well, such as

Sky: Children of the Light (mobile game)

Youtube videos of several creators

Music

Books

Fanfictions ig

Lmk

I don't label myself inside of any fandom. I may interact with them, but I will not see myself as part of them. The Undertale, Creepypasta, and FNAF Fandom have broken me too much. Never again.

My comfort character currently is Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece. I mean, look at the guy!

Ah, wrong one /j

There we go! Look at the guy! I love him.

Anything else you need to know about me... I have one brother, Diesel (Django). He's active on Instagram and Twitter under that name as well. I recommend checking out his stuff.

Now to the things I don't draw or write: Smut. Smut and anything that I have not researched enough on. That may include characters with mental/physical illnesses or other things I know too little about.

Enough about me for now. Take a look around the blog a bit and decide for yourself if you want to stay or not :)

[dimonds456]

Also are you doing okay?

I think so. I've got a therapist, and supportive friends. I'm slowly becoming more and more financially stable. One of my disabilities is going away, one I thought would be with me for life! I've even got a top surgery letter now, and we're working on getting a consultation with a surgeon!

But I'm also realizing how fucked everything is. Sorry, I kinda vented to you, but it's below the cut so you don't have to read it. Just, overall, I think I'm doing okay. I know I'll be alright. But fuck man it's hard to believe it sometimes, lmao.

I'm just also coming to realize how fucked up my childhood actually was. How fucked up the whole world is. How one person can singlehandedly make your life hell, and that just deciding to get away from them isn't enough.

It's been hard. On a personal level, I've been dealing with borderline abuse for the better part of 3 years, since I finally moved into my own apartment; once online, and twice IRL now. It's been every form of abuse except physical and sexual, but even then, I still felt physically unsafe around one of my abusers. Like he could have hurt me if he stayed around much longer.

The most latest example of it was my ex roommate, who had to be moved out of our place because of his screaming at us, throwing things, extreme beliefs, and illegal things like stealing money. And he still lives in this building, too, just not with us anymore. The new people who have to deal with him now actually just contacted us to ask us how tf we got rid of him, aha.

But even aside from that, on a more broad level, I've come to realize my own learned helplessness (the clinical term), trauma, and am struggling to come to terms with how true a lot of that stuff is.

I am helpless when it comes to ending an overseas "war" that I don't really have any stakes in anyway, aside from a moral one. I don't have family in Gaza, I don't know anyone there, but that shouldn't matter, y'know? It's still terrible, and I still can't help anyone there. No matter how loud we scream, the politicians are doing everything they can to drag their feet and are trying to get Israel to end it as fast as possible so people will just shut up about it already. They know we know, too, and are just trying to save face and it pisses me off. But what can I do about it? Not a whole lot!

I'm helpless when it comes to getting my family's acceptance of my own identity, or the constant misgendering at work, or the sexual harassment I keep getting from customers. Like, just today, two different guys offered to get me a pop or something, and my first instinct WASN'T to be like "oh thank you!" Instead, I raised my hackles in a "why are you being nice to me" way. That's not normal. It's a learned behavior and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm helpless to help my friend, who lives in an actively abusive household here in the States. Not mine, but within a day's drive of here if I got up early. We've called CPS, the cops, I've compiled a HUGE Google Doc of all the evidence we could find, I'm in touch with their sibling, I've straight-up TALKED to their abusive father (which was terrifying holy shit), and still NOTHING has changed. I think we're just gonna have to wait until they're old enough to move out, which fucking sucks.

I'm helpless to even help myself a lot of the time. My abusive relationships in the past have killed a lot of my creativity, energy, and overall positivity. I don't know if I'll ever really get it back.

But I'm doing what I can. I'm standing up for what's right in any way I can, I'm keeping tabs on my friend, I'm educating myself and diving into history, I'm trying to point my parents in the right directions, I'm trying to help my sibling from a distance, anything I can. I just feel like it isn't enough, y'know?

On the whole, I'm doing alright. And I'll be okay. But those bad days be hitting, lol.

[velvetscene]

💐┊How I manifest anything I want .ᐟ

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────────────────

Hello and welcome! I'll be talking about how I personally manifest anything I want :3 

Disclaimer: This is how I personally do it, so it may not work for you.

────────────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

i. Desires 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 

ii. Mindset and rules 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 

iii. Method(s) 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 

iiii. What I've manifested 𖥔 ݁ ˖ 

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹

↱ DESIRES .ᐟ

Firstly, you should identify exactly what you want. Some people say you should be vague, but I say be as specific as possible. If you want it to be perfect, why wouldn't you? If it's a lover, write down their exact height or something... Do whatever you want! That's the whole point of manifesting, right? To get what you want? :)

Once you've decided what you want, it can be multiple things or just one. I suggest you write down the specifics, but that's not necessary if you have a good enough memory.

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹

↱ MINDSET AND RULES .ᐟ

For this step, I suggest meditating or doing shadow work to see where your mindset is, but it doesn't matter either way since you can manifest with a negative mindset! (More on that later.) 

Pick and choose what aspects of your mindset you want to keep and what you don't. Then forget you even had that old in the first place! It sounds harder than it is, but I found that writing or drawing my negative or limiting thoughts has always helped. I used to use diagrams to see why I had the limiting beliefs I had.

Then, set some rules for yourself. Rules such as "I won't allow myself to believe my desires aren't mine." If you end up breaking a rule, that's completely okay! Allow yourself to feel, then forgive yourself. Pick yourself up and carry on! It's simple. When I first started, I usually set 3 rules for myself. Now I do about 5–10.

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹

↱ METHOD(S) .ᐟ

Decide what method you'd like to use! I'll suggest some I prefer.

Scripting methods. 

Methods like 369 are quick and easy! I use the template and write down my desires, then I completely forget about them. I don't do this often, but when I do, I've always gotten my desires a few weeks later.

Emotion/living in the end.

You basically force yourself to feel emotions that you would have if you had your desire. Soooo, living in the end. I use this method a decent amount since it's focused on a lot of inner work instead of physical work such as scripting methods. 

Most consistent thought. 

This method is really good if you have a lot of doubts. Basically, it doesn't matter if you have limiting beliefs or doubts if you have more positive thoughts. If you think about how your manifestion won't work, it doesn't matter if you think more about how it will. 40% of your thoughts could be limiting, but you'd still get your desire if 60% of your thoughts are about how you already have it and how you deserve it. I love love love this method, I've manifested SO much with it. 

I am god.

You're god so you decide what your reality is. When I use this method, I'm pretty bossy, so I end up getting what I want because I decided I wanted it! I fully believe I deserve my desire, so why wouldn't I get it if I deserve it? This is my favorite method, LOL. 

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹

Alright, so if you want proof that these methods work, I'll list everything I've manifested with them :3

๑ Multiple texts (I am god and most consistent thought)

๑ A lover (369)

๑ Best friend (I am god) 

๑ Friend group x2 (I am god)

๑ Specific people being more fond of me (most consistent thought)

๑ Specific people calling me (I am god) 

๑ Having more effort being put into me (I am god)

๑ Staying longer on a vacation (most consistent thought)

๑ Good grades despite having a LOT of absences (I am god)

๑ Food literally all the time (most consistent thought)

๑ Invited to a group chat (living in the end)

๑ Becoming friends with certain people after a messy falling out (living in the end) 

๑ Being online schooled (I am god) 

๑ Moving (I am god) 

๑ Perfect houses when we had a low budget (most consistent thought)

๑ Specific people becoming my friend online and irl (living in the end) 

๑ pets (I am god) 

And more! 

﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹﹒︵﹒˚ ₊ ︵﹒⊹ ๑ ︵︵ ๑ ⊹

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────────────────

Alright! That's all I have to talk about today heheheheheh

Thank you so much for reading! 

────────────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

[lucysarah-c]

I think some people online need to understand that being young isn't a get out of jail card for when they happily post things online that could spark hurt

I completely agree with what you said, even though I'm not fond of AUs, that doesn't mean we should be overlooking the talent that goes into portraying the characters we love in a completely new setting

People complain about fandoms dying out once the main source of official content ends, then turn up their noses at very well made fan creations, or say something that could drive away those fans and make them not want to write

It's alright to not have a preference, but when you throw that preference that can come across negatively in a public tag, people are of course going to have their own thing to say, which I feel like a lot of Tumblr users need to remember

I'm sorry you have to deal with this <3

Hello! How are you?

Honestly, I 100% agree with you. I've even talking with my friends how I feel like I've been part of the fandom long enough to consider myself "an old sister" or a "senior in high school." I feel a sense of responsibility to step in and say, "no, that's not nice." I'm not sure if that comes across as entitled, lol

But as I mentioned, I have friends who have been considering writing their first fic as a modern AU so they can explore their writing by starting with something close or relatable to them. And by that, I'm not saying it's "easier"; for example, I struggle a lot with writing modern AUs because I can't envision Levi in another world... I feel like characters are shaped by their upbringing. I adore canon Levi; that's why I write about them.

Also, as you mentioned, it's completely alright to have preferences, as I've mentioned mine. What's not nice is posting negative comments with hashtags of the fandom that anyone could stumble upon while searching for content, as I did. I was actually going to mention that, as I said, words hold power, and how you use them can elicit two completely different reactions. If their post had been phrased like this:

"I personally enjoy canon time fics so much; it's my guilty pleasure. I adore the military setting, the thrill of survival, the period touch. Immersing myself in a completely different and detailed world is so enjoyable! Canon SNK fics always have that special touch for me."

It would be completely different because instead of denigrating other content, you're praising another. I don't know, it's just my way of understanding the world, social interactions, and how my words could inspire rather than bring down.

Have a lovely day!

[wannaremember]

I saw @homosociallyyours and @jlf23tumble post theirs and felt like doing this since I can't sleep. I am not the best at picking answers to things but i will try.

Relationship status: Single. I don't know if i see myself ever being anything else. So in that way its complicated, my view of what I want, what I can have, whats possible and whats not. I try not to think about it though. I'm also kind of bitter about some things which sours my thoughts on relationships.

Favorite colors: is it okay to say every colour? Like i am so bad at picking a favourite thing :/ but if i had to pick right now, I'd say red. The answer could be different at any other given moment though 😅

Song stuck in my head: at the moment there is none. I dont think my brain has the space for it at the moment. I also can't think what the last song stuck in my head would have been but I do remember Happier than Ever being stuck in my head somewhat recently.

Last song I listened to: Bad friend by Rina Sawayama. I feel like anytime i do these things I'm always mentioning the same artists lol but really blame the spotify shuffle algorithm. Anyway i do love the song so I'm not mad about it.

3 favorite foods: once again picking a favourite is tough but for this its easier because I do have my ultimate favourite food in mind. Khausey, its like this noodle and yellow curry dish. Googling it probably won't be very useful and theres often different variants of it depending on what your cultural background is. So i usually think of the version I've grown up eating. I can never make it as good myself and its a lot of work to make the curry so I rarely make it myself. But god its the best. Second is halwa puri. Again something i can't explain but i love it. It always tastes best when you get it from the street. I think I'm going to start listing out all the street food i miss from back home as well as other foods i miss that i just cant get here, atleast not as good as they are back home so ill pick something different for the third option lol. Nutella, im not going to call it food per se and its not even that i think its particularly great but its a comfort thing for me where i just eat a few spoons of it on its own when I'm feeling low, or pmsing or anything, it takes very little excuse.

Last thing I googled: Moonlight, the movie, i saw a mention of it in a fic i was reading and googled it.

Dream trip: there's not really one place i would pick, like a world tour would be ideal and i could just go to all these different countries and explore different neighbourhoods, try out different food, do some activities, etc. If I had to be more specific, I'd go for Europe, though. I still get sad that I didn't get to travel much when I was there, and I can't really go back anytime soon.

Anything I want right now: more friends. People who i can talk to, who will get me and i wont have to worry about censoring myself or not being able to be myself completely. I feel like its a pretty big constant in my life though to want friends but never doing enough to make them. Idk but yeah also people in peron like that especially but even online closer friends that aren't just on messages and arent just fandom focused in conversation. I dont know whats tougher for me though interacting with people online or in person, they're both scary. Anyway i am trying but yeah friends was the very first thing i could think of to answer this.

I don't know who has done this already so i might tag someone who has already. I'll tag @bigxrig @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @suesheroll and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

[theflyingfeeling]

sending you a lot of hugs! 🫂🫂🫂

everything’s gonna be alright again! 🥰

please don’t be too hard on yourself. even if you reapplied to the job - you had your reasons and they should respect it. that doesn’t make a fool out of you.

here have an orca who has fun splashing in the water:

I hope this cheered you up a bit 🥰🫂

awwwww a cute orca 🥺 thank you 🖤

I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that (gonna put this behind a read-more)

I less worried what they might think of me for reapplying after having turned them down once already. I'm more worried about my employement agency person calling them to make sure I did actually apply and that I do actually have an interview with them, in other words, that I haven't been lying about it. IF the people from the workplace I'm applying to find it odd or off-putting or suspicious that someone from the employment agency is asking after me to make sure I haven't been dishonest in what I've told them (even though I haven't!), they might not want to hire me? Is that something they could do? If I'm otherwise qualified? I mean, I could live with not being hired, but then I'd have to worry about the employment agency deciding to cut off/suspend my unemployment daily allowance, because I had declined the first interview that I was invited to. Because I guess they could very easily do that, since I've been neglecting my responsibilities as an unemployed job-seeker (at least this is how my wrteched brain sees it lol).

I'm not sure if this makes any sense to anyone 🤷‍♀️ I'm just so scared of having screwed things up.

(As a side note, in Finland the current system is that if you're an unemployed job seeker, you're required to apply to 4 jobs every month or in other ways show you've been "an active job-seeker". You do this by filling in a form online in which you explain what you've done during each 4-week period (there's a deadline for it too). It's mostly about applying for jobs or looking for job opportunities in other ways (e.g. sending out open applications to employers; I'm not sure if you're supposed to tell them you've been in a job interview or if it counts as "activity", but at least there's no clear option for that in the online form). And I have fulfilled this criteria every fucking month, this month well in advance actually, so on that part they'd have no reason to cut off my allowance, but I also assume not going to an interview would be enough of a reason for them to do so 🤷‍♀️

Furthermore, on my first meeting with my employment agency contact person I asked how they make sure one really has done all those activities they have reported, and she said that sometimes they do check-ups, but not usually not needed and that she's never had to do it. In my case I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she decided to do a check-up and call the place, especially because I've been sort of passive and gloomy whenever we've talked (because I'm just so stressed out and anxious about being unemployed. I had to hold back tears the whole time during our first meeting; the rest have been just phone calls but I did silently cry during one of them too), so I have no idea what kind of impression I have given of myself to her.

[iffylogic]

I should pick up A Realm Reborn again. Yes! I will do this.

I haven't talked about the game much and it's killing me, I know no one'll probably read this but I need to go off, I have so many thoughts

I was level 50 when I last left off, just about to battle a Big Fighty Boi the Garleans uncovered. It has very "season finale" feel to it.

(I cheated and have been watching an online playthrough about halfwayish into Heavensward, but I still want to continue properly!)

WOL

I have a pathological need to keep my characters thematically consistent, so Carmine's gone from conjurer to white mage and I can't make myself try anything new. XD (It's pathological because I don't really enjoy playing white mage therefore this is self-harm klhfvjasdjklfhjasd)

I'm thinking once I finish this msq I'll start a Fyo playthrough that I'll actually see through into the expansions. She's a lot more flexible. She's also a punchygun person so I guess pugilist/monk and then gunbreaker later 🤔 but she DOES dabble in magics! So who knows 💃🥋

I can't put a self-insert in there because Yda already exists oTL

(not in looks lol)

GAME THOUGH!

It's so pretty and big and hilarious. My favorite quest so far has been the white mage one where I have to go all over the world finding relics to pray at. I was underleveled at the time and hadn't explored enough, so I was seeing lots of new interesting areas (and new routes to and from old areas) while running like hell from superior enemies in a panic. Seriously loved it. XD

I'm a person who gets really excited when I see new things. I love new scenery, new characters, new everything. So this game's been a constant joy and I'm frequently beside myself. I play in the name of joyous wonder, dang it. And this game delivers it with gusto. ⭐

I actually really enjoy traveling in games like this, it was almost sad when I got the hang of aether teleporting. I mean I understand but yeah I like to hoof it lol. And I still can! And it's fun!

I'm very predictable because my favorite character so far is Admiral Merlwyb. Tall person with guns and I could listen to nautical metaphors from her all day.

not kidding about her voice - a specific banquet scene happened, I was freaking out for plot reasons, then she blurted out "Seven Hells!" and I was like "thank you, I feel a little better now" XD

Favorite main cast character is probably Tataru and I am incapable of explaining why, but I love all the scions so far. I'm betting we'll get more eventually, so that'll be fun :D

The Garleans are ridiculously one-dimensional villains so far and it's kind of amazing. RE5 Wesker is my fave game villain, I eat that cheese up. Out of curiosity, I googled it and even their capital city is going out of its way to look as evil as possible. 10/10, will go on vacation there next summer

Ascians are over the top too of course, but they have a cult vibe, therefore being over-the-top is just sort of expected

oh yeah

GRANT US SUCCOR IN OUR HOUR OF N E E E E D

I know all the voices get better in the expansions (most of the main cast I already like but I get why people say this), but I'm going to miss the background-character voice acting in Realm Reborn holy shit lol

The soundtrack's alright so far (I know that gets better later as well). Kinda wish they had more than one "troubling/suspicious thing is happening" track, though. Is... is that still going to be there by Endwalker? XD

I'm crazy for the bagpipe floating island music and all the Alexander tunes 💃🎵

oh and Revenant's Toll! Arriving there was amazing. At the time, I was (again) under-leveled and was going deeper and deeper into unwelcome territory, far from help and civilization, then suddenly I'm in the middle of this remote town with pumping adventurer music and the locals are like "hey, you made it this far! Welcome to a town made by badasses, for badasses" and I'm like 🤩

SOCIAL...NESS

I need more friends to play with, I'm too shy. (I lost ALL of my momentum wanting to be social after that hell-job last year. I never quite got my spark back. 😔)

So um... what's the best way to find more people? Friendly laid-back people?

I'm obviously "Iffy Logic" on there if you wanna add me! Unless you need to search by character, in which case look for Carmine Pentella? On.... Cactuar?

Unless I'm playing Fyo. I uh... I don't know what her last name is yet. In the story she's from, family names aren't a thing. errr...

Also I notice a lot of the game's story stuff you HAVE to play alone? That's... kinda messed up, isn't it? Especially non-dungeon/raid cutscenes. You play together and one person just sorta stands around awkwardly while the other watches the story, and reacting is weird because they can't see what's happening.

Like... it feels like I'm going to a friend's house to watch a show with a friend, but then we have to be in separate rooms when I get there. Seems unfortunate.

it'd help if I could make myself play dungeons with other people. I'm too afraid I'll mess up and get yelled at. oTL

PFFFF

If you read this far, I'm both impressed and very sorry

how did you get here without a machete and safari hat

[virovirokun-has-adhd]

OH MY GOOOODDDDD I LOVE VRCHATTTTTT

i just had the absolute time of my life with someone i knew just enough to call them an online friend and now we're like THE BEST FRIENDS EVER?????

---

me and Cap'nCoral (the friend) were chillin in uhhh the G1 avatar world for a while, then i started getting a little overwhelmed because everyone started playin music n stuff and it just got a little too much. (this all happened after some in character freak outs as Knockout lol. i was already a bit shaky if that makes sense)

I went to another part of the map where i couldnt hear them anymore and just like wandered around bc i hadn't been to this part of the world before, and after a bit, she caught up with me and we started exploring together. We got stuck in this hole so we just respawned in the world and then went back to the room with all the people.

this ended up being a very bad idea for me bc i started getting more and more overwhelmed, trying to stim to calm myself down, which, in a state of slight panic, i realised just wasnt working. i went back to the spawn room, sat down in a corner, turned of my mic, and opened discord to take a little break.

maybe a minute or two later, Cap'n came back in, my angel, she was very understanding, despite not exactly knowing how to help. we sat and chatted for a bit, discussing VoiceMod n shtuff (they were using voicemod bc they were rping as TFP Soundwave (despite the fact that he doesn't canonically talk, but that doesn't matter)) 'till some rando came in and disrupted our chat >:(

it was alright tho lol, they left eventually and Cap'n and i resumed chatting about whatever in the back corner of the room we were in while i calmed my nerves. eventually after a while of chatting, someone who we'd met and friended before i started getting overwhelmed came back. we vibed with them from then on, having fun, playing around with cool models we'd found (Cap'n blowing us away with their voice acting skills (i was very impressed)) and being silly idiots.

in the last few minutes we switched worlds to the Ultimate Spider Lair (y'know, the one with the super awesome webslinging mechanic???? >:D) and messed around till my headset died lol

---

Yeah the overstimming wasn't amazing, but the epic friends made up for it 100%

tehe dont mind me i just love talking lol

<3

[archer12xx]

Letters to Tobias...

--

1

--

Yo! I'm bored so I thought of writing you some letters. Of course, I won't give them to you~ Like I'd want you to read this stuff. Lol (also not sure whether you'd read them so...)

Anyway, I was at the mall with my friend the other day and I saw this pair of cool sunglasses and it reminded me of you. Then I wonder... When did things start reminding me of you? Still don't know the answer so I let it go.

Don't ask me if I bought the sunglasses. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Who knows? My lips are sealed. :P

Welp that's all for today. I hope Vegas is fun for you~

-Me.

--

2

--

Heya~ Saw you on TV today! Man, you're really good at what you do, aren't you? Makes me wanna watch you in person. But we both know that's...

Anyway, today's my day off and I didn't really have anything planned. Talked to the others a bit but since most of them are busy (esp Brooklyn) we ended up splitting right away. Why weren't you there, btw? You're usually online even when you're up in the air... Uh no, I'm not saying I miss you. Uh... Maybe I do...? Lol jk I don't. It's just weird not to have you around, I guess. Got used to your presence, and by your I mean the six of you. So if one of you guys isn't around, it doesn't really feel right.

I guess.

Anyway, hope you're well and come online already!!

-Me.

--

3

--

Yo! Why did you suddenly leave the chat earlier? Did something happen? I'm so curious but at the same time I'm not sure if it's okay to ask or if you'll even tell me. I couldn't follow your conversation with Rory since Leo and I are talking about the game he was recommending. Did he say something to upset you? Or...? Ugh I really don't know. I hope you could just tell me.

You know you can tell me when something's wrong or bothering you, right? I hope so...

Anyway, please take care always.

-Me.

--

4

--

Dude, really... What's wrong? I messaged you after my last letter but you didn't reply. Until now you're not talking to me. Did something really happen? Did I say or do something wrong? I feel like you're avoiding me, avoiding to talk to me for some reason.

I don't understand.

You're in Vegas again today, right? Hope you're having fun. Then at least one of us is... :(

-Me.

--

5

--

I can't open the messenger. No, it's not broken or anything... I just won't. I haven't been opening it. I can see some of the messages on my notification panel though, but I can't get myself to open it.

For some reason... I don't wanna see our conversation being left unread. I don't wanna see that you haven't replied on my messages.

Am I overreacting? I don't understand myself anymore...

Saw you on TV again today, btw. You seem okay so I'm glad. Take care always, Tobias.

-Me.

--

6

--

I was out getting groceries today and when I was looking for some snacks, I unconsciously grabbed a packet of mini m&ms. When I put them on my cart, I realized I don't really eat those... So why am I buying them? Then I remembered a photo you sent in the chat while you were on set before...

Ugh, I really need to go online.

-Me.

--

7

--

Hey. So... We're back to normal. We're talking as if nothing happened... Well, nothing really happened. Apparently it was just me.

When I got back I saw loads of messages from you and for some reason the heavy feeling that I have been carrying in my heart in the past few days have been lifted. I guess now I can't deny it. I really did miss you. Too bad, I'm not telling you. :P

Hope you get enough rest this weekend~ You've been working hard a lot. I'm happy that the show's doing well. Good job, Tobias. ;)

-Me.

--

8

--

So... I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to snap at you. I was just really annoyed for some reason. Plus I wasn't in the mood to joke around to begin with. But still, I'm really sorry. I know I already apologized and you said it was alright and that you're sorry too but I can't help but feel bad.

What was I annoyed at anyway? You've always had a lot of fans asking for your autograph and taking pictures with you. You're a celebrity, that's normal. I don't understand why it was annoying for me that you (and Leo) accused me of being jealous. Still I'm sorry...

Damn, now I think I'm being guilty. Am I jealous? Was I? I... I really don't know anymore.

Anyway, be safe and take care always~

-Me.

--

9

--

What do you do once you find out you have a crush on someone? I don't know what to do. This is... crazy. Wait... Is it a crush or plain admiration? I'm not sure. The line is so thin I can barely see it.

You're a celebrity. You're (obviously) handsome. You have a good personality. I mean you're fun to talk to and everything. Although sometimes your mischief annoys people (ehem Rory), you don't mean harm. And I know deep down that there's more to you than meets the eye. And I wanna know more about you. I wanna see the person behind every smile in front of the camera. I wanna know Tobias not The Fox nor Prince of Vegas. I wanna know you... Everything about you. The good, the bad, the happy, and the sad... I hope you'll let me though.

Anyway, I'm gonna go freak out now. Bye bye~

-Me.

--

10

--

I knew it. This is bad. Milo noticed. And now Milo knows. Why is that guy so perceptive anyway? Ugh...

This is bad. It's also kind of scary... What should I do? I mean, it's not like I'm in love with you or something... Wait... No... I'm... No... No!

Maybe I like... You...? But I'm not in love with you. That's too fast. Do feelings grow faster than plants? Should I ask Brooklyn about this? Ugh, no. I don't... Shoot. This is really bad.

Stay safe and don't catch feelings Tobias. Lol

-Me.

--

11

--

Yo! Heard about the news and saw that everyone's congratulating you. I haven't though. Because you haven't confirmed nor denied it. It's still a 50-50 chance that it was just a rumor. For some reason, my chest hurts. And I feel like crying. And my mind keeps telling me that I don't want you to be with someone else. Why am I thinking this way? If you're really going out with them, and if you're happy, I should be happy for you. Right? You're my friend after all but...

I might be a bad person. Don't get involved with me, Tobias. I'm sorry but I can't be happy for you if it turns out you're dating someone else. I'm selfish and I want to keep you all to myself...

But of course I'm not going to. I'm probably just going to lie and congratulate you and tell you I'm happy for you. Maybe joke around and tell you to behave yourself and everything.

And if the rumors aren't true, still... If you ever find someone, I'll be happy for you even if it breaks my heart. I think that's one of the bitter parts of being in love.

Wait did I just say love...? Oh what the hell...

Anyway, this has gotten longer so I'll stop here. Be happy always, Tobias.

-Me.

--

12

--

So it wasn't true after all. But then you confessed something to the group.

There's actually someone that you like. And you sound so happy about it, so I'm still glad. You're wrong though. You said they might not like you back but I think there's no reason for them not to. Not that I'm saying it was me you like but either way... I already like you. Anyway, I'm sure that person will end up liking you back. You're pretty cool, after all. Lol and that car 👀 come on! Hahaha jk like I said in that other letter, there's more to you and I'm sure that this person will see it as well.

I wish you well, Tobi.

-Me.

--

13

--

I was out to deliver some documents to our client today and guess what...? While I was on my way to their office, I got on the elevator and it broke. There was another guy in there actually. So I was stuck with him for a whole hour.

That was the longest hour of my life. Though he's so nice to talk to me the whole time and keep my mind out of the situation, I still couldn't help but panic. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. I think he noticed how nervous I was and he offered to hold my hand. I was tempted but still refused because I might end up doing more than just taking his hand. Don't go getting jealous now, because it was you. Yes. I can't believe it either! Apparently you had a photoshoot at the same building. That coincidence is too much of a coincidence that my heart believes it to be fate. Was I wrong to refuse to hold your hand? I'm kind of regretting it right now. But I guess an hour of being in the same space with you was enough... For now at least.

You really are the best, Tobias. Despite not knowing who I was, you still showed me how good of a person you are. I think I just fell in love with you all over again.

-Me.

P. S - do you know now why I panicked? Lol

--

14

--

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. You're hinting at something and I'm pretending not to know. But little did you know I'm one step ahead of you.

But the thing is... Should I really do this? It's not about being misunderstood but mostly about being known. Do I want you to know about how I feel? Maybe this is a good time to do it. But the real question is... Am I ready? Are we both ready for it?

Man, being in love is a lot of work. Should I just play an otoge? Ugh... Sorry I got sidetracked there. Anyway, have a happy weekend Foxy. :*

-Me.

--

15

--

This is going to be the last letter that I'm going to write to you.

Today is February 15, 3am... And yes I'm not asleep yet. But you are, on my couch. Why? How did that happen? I don't exactly remember how. I just know that the moment I gave you the chocolate I made and told you how I feel, you're already holding out a bouquet of red roses and the largest chocolate box I've ever seen in my life. The next thing I know you were telling me you like me, too, and you want to go out with me. I think the words got lost on the papers I used to write these letters that I couldn't find some to say. So speechless, so happy, that all I could do was run to you and wrap you in a hug. And here we are. We spent the whole night sitting on my couch, and movies that we don't really watched played on the tv as we talked the night away. We also ate the chocolates we gave each other. And this is one of the best things that ever happened in my life.

This is the last letter I'm writing to you because from now on, I will be able to tell you how I feel.

I love you, Tobias. Always have, always will. I don't have to say take care always now, because I'll just do it myself. ;) Sweet dreams, my love.

-Me.

--

The End.

--

So instead of Halloween on Christmas we're having Valentine's on Halloween. 😂

[scoups4lyfe]

Hi Scoups, How are you doing? Everything alright?

SS

Hey y’all

I’ve mostly been tripping through the whole mood spectrum

Last weekend I absolutely blacked out. I only remember like, getting breakfast on Saturday, searching for something online later that night(don’t remember what), and then talking with Nacho on Sunday night.

I don’t remember anything else. Not a single thing :x.

I’m not in a low, I’m more in the higher end (like 7-9/10) of the mood spectrum.

(For reference, tho my previous posts have the pic as well LOL)

Which is probably why I blacked out last weekend. I remember hitting an 8/10, feeling really really good, and then nothing else, really.

For a visual representation of what it feels like / looks like:

(Yes I’m putting another DPR Ian mv, that dude has my utmost respect. And again — he gets it.)

Basically — (cause I’m sure this looks wild, LOL), I’ve just been kind of out of my mind. — Not really myself. (Imagine me if I drank 32 shots of espresso at once.)

Like I had so much energy at work (my skin/insides felt like lightning ⚡️) that my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I was fkin ZOOMIN through my work.

(My boss didn’t say anything, so I’m assuming I didn’t make any mistakes 👻)

Mmm— That and the intrusive thoughts (who I’ve named Kyle <33. Absolute prick.) have just been constant chatter in my mind.

To the point that I think “Stop.” maybe 100 times or more — just constantly throughout the day. Sometimes I have to imagine myself fist fighting the intrusive thoughts (Kyle <33).

Which sounds wild but it’s just Ikki and Vice fighting in Revice episode 2.

—DPR Ian’s Seraph/ 1 shot / Mood Short Movie shows what intrusive / racing thoughts are like pretty well starting at time stamp: 3:10

Linked it in my posts awhile back.

That’s what is happening but like, throughout the entire day.

Tldr;

Definitely been in some manic highs since last friday, I’m okay (lol), I know enough about myself to stay at home / lock the doors and what not when I’m like this.

(And y’all know I’m REALLY tripping when I start writing haikus 🔥😱😔💀💀💀🔥🔫)

I also blame Nacho because they wanted to do a poetry slam (just on the spot) and the prompt was haikus 🧍🙈💀

Uh — I might liveblog this weekend.

[lexijaynex]

🦩DAY 16 (9/28/23)🎀

Okay! I’m online, I logged in at 1:43p, got my first private and he did a decent show! I’m doing it from the bed and it’s nice, I think I’m liking it. Idk, it’s definitely bringing out the more sensual side of myself lol. Anywho I’m 18 minutes in at $21, so hopefully it’s fast like this!

————————

Alright I’m 1hr 22mins in and I’m seeing the BS lol. It’s 277 ebonies online so it’s slowing down, and I’m getting a lot of raunchy people! Lol like i didn’t know people got down this bad in the afternoon, but as long as they’re paying I don’t care, but chile they ain’t payin, so they gettin the block!

I had one dude want a*al from me in private chat, which is fine, both of my chats cost the same ($9.99, which I think I’m gonna put my private back to $11.99, because I’m getting more of those in and out folks. Idk how I feel about it yet tho, because I really don’t even have to do much, and I still get coin so idk), but he wanted a*al in the first minute. I didn’t even feel like explaining because it’s written on my profile how I move through a show like that, I just blocked him. I said like, “well since you can’t read I’ma help you out,” and blocked him. It was just the way he requested it, he was just very rude. All money ain’t good money, and I don’t take money from everyone. It may be bad for my business, but if you’re not adult enough to show me an ounce of respect, I have no respect for you or your money. Even though people are paying, I just don’t feel like I have to accept just any ol’ kind of fonky ass treatment, I will take your money and block you. Grow up and treat people right. Get a new account and act right; come back with some BS you get blocked again. Like I’m very low tolerance, even in my personal life, I just don’t feel like I have to deal with anyone who treats me poorly.

Also there were so many guys coming in and writing like Watt-pad paragraphs. I didn’t even read them, I just blocked them or was like “sounds cool,” if they talked about a show, but then they’d just leave because they wanted me to indulge them more. Maybe it’s a flaw I have to fix, but I’m just like a “get to the point,” type of person. I’m not reading your scenarios and responding to your fantasies…you’re getting off on me for free. Or the little tricks like “let me see your outfit,” or “can I see your legs,” like come on lol. I have presets or the block button to deal with that. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make me mad or anything, it actually concerns me, because how many girls are just entertaining this BS for free, thinking they’re gonna get a show out of it? And I’m only so confident in my ways because I’ve been there, done that. Inside the club and online, they pull the same Tom foolery every time. Like sure flirt a little, laugh, respond, that’s perfectly fine, but I’m not giving it all away. I’ve indulged many customers that way, then they’d think we were friends or got too comfortable and stopped paying me. You have to command the money, or they get lost in the sauce, and then you’ve wasted your time. Just be careful :)

Anyways it’s moving slow and I have some errands to run before I leave my staycation. When I get back, I’ll go ahead and cam, probably late night until payout, so that will be up tomorrow!!

Thanks for reading! 💕

[artificialllovers]

My mom and I found a great apartment for me on our first day (and we only looked at two complexes today lol). It meets all of requirements and most of my wants too. There’s no double sink and it’s not worth the extra cost to get a balcony, but it’s got in-unit laundry and the kitchen is soooo big like I’m literally obsessed with it. The only issue is the cost of course (it’s over the very top of my budget 😩). I think my family is going to try to support me and help me a bit though.

[stormblessed95]

Hellooo, i have a question. Do you have any theory about why JM is blushing so much around JK lately?

Could it be because even though they always had moments in behind the scenes content, they're having more "sus" (i'm sorry, i don't know how to put it) moments, what i mean is that lately they had a lot of moments that make everyone question their relationship, even people who don't consider themselves jkks, you know.

I hope this made sense and i hope this isn't offensive, i feel like i can't explain myself because english is my second lenguage. I'm sorry if you already talked about this too!

Your English is wonderful anon, please don't worry about it. I debated on if I wanted to answer this, not because there is anything wrong with it. But simply because I don't want to be that person who is like "yes, I have theories and I don't want to talk about them yet because it's just theory and we should just enjoy the content" Lmao but it's because i really don't want to talk about them and we should just enjoy the content! At the very least not until maybe the year is over and we get more content. Or maybe not even until memories for 2021 drops. We just don't know enough for me to feel totally comfortable just dropping speculations (because that's all it is) when we have gotten like less than 10 things basically so far total from this blushing era. 😅

Here is what we know, the first time we noticed the uptick in overly happy and blushy Jimin was on JKs Birthday, which was when they filmed the Megtan butter dance. ITS was filmed before that and I haven't noticed any of this from what we have seen so far there. And while we are getting overly happy and blushy Jimin the past few months, we have been seeing at the same time a JK who looks like he just got everything he wanted. Peacocking around like he just won at life. The confidence just bleeds off him. It's the same attitude that he gives off when he continuously wins at games or does something really cool at times too. Such as when all the hyungs bowed to him on run when he beat them all at bowling. He arranged himself with a cocky smirk and basically went "alright proceed" before bursting out in giggles as they did it. It's just a general air of happiness that surrounds him too, mostly this attitude shows up around Jimin.

I know a lot of people think it might be because of your reason. That they released things like the hickey/bite mark stuff and now everyone is paying more attention to them, or it's like oh shit, they all definitely know that this is my boyfriend now which is why he is getting all shy and/or blushy lately. I don't think so personally. I think they knew what they were doing when releasing that footage and I don't think they are shy about it. I mean, they've done lots of other questionable things in front of army before too. And after the DVD dropped, hickey was trending worldwide and kiss mark was trending on Korea. And in the middle of all of that, both JK and JM came online to post random selcas. Essentially saying yes, we did that, we told you about it and we are proud of it. That doesn't strike me as the same behavior to then turn to mush everytime said same boyfriend is so much as around you. They owned it before, very shameless. So I really do think this might be another dynamic shift in their relationship in my personal opinion. I just can't confidently give an opinion on what that shift may or may not be yet. Or if it even is anything at all, really.

Here is what else we know. This isn't the first time we have seen these types of dynamics before from them and I do think it often goes hand in hand with dynamic shifts in their relationship too. Or when JK gets bold as hell with his flirting, but that's a seperate thing. Lol we have seen this type of I've won at life attitude JK and overly happy and blushing JM when they got back from Toyko. For a while after they got back from that Toyko trip, this was exactly the type of behavior we were seeing from them then too

Or flash forward to 2019 when Jimin was given a Minnie hat and fans started shouting for JK to look at Jimin wearing it. He immediately got all flustered and blushing, it was a clear flashback to Toyko memories moment for him lol

This type of easy to fluster attitude very much continued into 2018, but it was not constant like it was when they first got home from Toyko. But every so often we saw it again, like during promotions in 2018 here, JK is talking and looking at Jimin, that's all, and there he goes, looking a little shy and happy again

Or the iconic end of 2018 with MMA and the beautiful moments we got there. Jimin made this EXACT face after whatever it was that JK said to him. Jimin pointing between them with some type of question I would guess, and JK with such a smug look on his face as he said it whatever he said to Jimin that made him immediately blush and look happy. I know what it has been rumored that he possibly said, but it's just lip reading, so I take it with a grain of salt. But whatever it was that he said, it gave us a peak again at these exact dynamics between them and Jimin immediately looking down blushing like he was in all these recent moments and photos above. Plus JK looking at him like he was soooo happy and just heart eyes like crazy too.

So all this to basically say, this is why I think it's possible they might be in the middle of some other dynamic shift, or perhaps just a truly happy moment in time for them, between them, personally. What it is, I don't know. Couldn't tell you. Could it be for any other types of reasons too? Sure, I don't actually know them, all these theories people are throwing around are just that, theories. We don't actually know anything about the reasoning behind their actions. We can guess, but we don't really have much to guess about right now either. Literally only like 2 months of content where we have mostly been seeing things filmed in the summer time before whatever is going on with them. It will be interesting to see how award shows go and what we see there too. So in the end, who knows. But they seem really truly very happy and that's all I want for them honestly. I'm happy that they are happy 💜💜💜 I don't need to always know why.

Thanks for the ask and sorry if it's not exactly the type of answer you were looking for. Hope it helps explain my thoughts a little bit anyway! Hope you all have a good day/night!