#also he’s literally that cat meme that’s the ‘full of soup’ one

[skyward-floored]

The cat’s out of the bag - Chapter 2

Here’s chapter two! More adventures of Wind stuck as a cat.

Now with an ao3 link!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52017334/chapters/132551434#main

Chapter 1 | Next

————————————————————

Wind and Twilight traveled through the woods for a while, Wind hanging on to Twilight’s pelt the entire time.

As he walked, Twilight told Wind a little about when he’d first been transformed into a wolf, explaining the trouble he’d had adjusting to his body, and how once he’d figured it out, it wasn’t too hard. Wind listened in interest, and made a few mental notes of things to try once Twilight set him down.

But eventually Twilight stopped talking as he looked more intently for signs of the others, and Wind found his mind wandering in the quiet of the woods.

He still couldn’t believe Twilight was Wolfie. No wonder he was so touchy about being petted, and seemed so intelligent, like he could really understand it when they talked to him.

It would also explain why Wild was so close with the wolf... did that mean Wild knew Twilight was Wolfie?

Did anyone else know?

Wind let out a thoughtful little squeaky noise, resting his head on his paws.

Time probably did. It seemed like he knew everything sometimes, but aside from him... well, Legend would have to know if he’d been turned into an animal too, but that must be it. That meant three whole people had known Wolfie wasn’t just a wolf... Wind wasn’t sure quite how he felt about that.

Of course, he had some other things on his mind at the moment.

He breathed out a sigh, adjusting his grip on Twilight’s shoulder. He still felt weird, a little nauseous and achy from his transformation. He also kept forgetting he didn’t have hands, and when he went to do things like scratch his nose, he ended up hitting himself in the face with his cumbersome paws.

How was he supposed to do anything like this? Even walking was too hard at the moment, and Wind felt his tail lash as he thought of how useless he currently was.

Hopefully they would find Sky and the others and fix this before it became an even bigger problem.

The afternoon dragged on, Twilight’s steps lagging a little the longer they went. The smell of blood was still sharp in Wind’s nose (which he was discovering was way better at smelling then his regular one), and he spared a wistful thought towards the red potion he knew was sitting in his bag. All his stuff had disappeared when he’d been transformed, so there was no way to get it right now... as far as he knew.

Just one more thing to ask about when I get my voice back, he thought with a sigh. I wonder where it all went anyway? Aryll’ll be so upset if her telescope is gone...

Twilight made a small noise of pain as he brushed past a branch, and Wind went back to watching him, feeling more and more worried the longer they went. The rancher kept wincing, and Wind finally bapped his ear to get his attention.

“Hm?” Twilight said, blinking as he looked at Wind.

“Your arm is still bleeding,” Wind meowed, and when Twilight gave him a confused look, huffed in annoyance. Right. No talking. Argh.

Twilight had wrapped a few bandages around his arm, but they’d begun to stain, red seeping through. Wind wasn’t sure how bad the injury was, but he wasn’t keen on having Twilight collapse from blood loss or anything.

I won’t be able to help him at all if he does.

Wind quickly chased away that thought, and instead of trying to communicate through further meows, got to his feet and moved around Twilight’s shoulder, gesturing clumsily with a paw at the blood on the rancher’s arm.

“It’s fine Wind, it looks worse then it is,” Twilight assured when he figured out what he was doing.

Wind twitched his tail. I don’t believe that for a second.

To prove his point, he abruptly jabbed at Twilight’s hurt arm, and the rancher yelped, jerking his arm so hard Wind was nearly flung off. He only managed to hang on by extending his claws and clinging to Twilight’s pelt, and gave him a flat look as Twilight tried to smooth his expression of pain.

“Okay okay, so it’s not just a little scrape. It still isn’t that bad,” Twilight grumbled, helping Wind settle back onto his unhurt shoulder. “But I can’t do anything more about it, Sailor. We’re just going to have to wait until we’re with the others again.”

Wind let out a little grumbly growl, but he knew Twilight was right.

That didn’t mean he liked it, though.

They continued through the woods in silence, Twilight only speaking up on occasion. They both perked up when he found what looked like boot prints, hopefully a sign of the others, and Wind paid more attention to his surroundings after that.

His senses were sharper then normal, which had been totally overwhelming at first, but he was starting to get used to the sounds and scents of the forest. Wind could hear birds flying overhead from much further away then normal, and smell all kinds of things.

Along with the blood and wolf smell on Twilight, Wind could sniff out the sap from the pine trees they walked by, and various animals that had passed by the trail they were following, along with a faint whiff of the sea all at the same time.

It was pretty weird.

Wind kept himself amused by trying to figure out what all the different smells were, his nose stuck in the air. He als tried to make out some of the more unusual noises he heard, and Twilight looked at him more then once with a smile on his face, like he knew what he was doing.

Wind just wished he could ask him for advice.

It wasn’t until the sun was nearly set when a new noise filtered through the trees, and Wind sat up, swiveling his ears around as he listened. It hadn’t been the same birdcalls he’d been hearing as they walked, or the rustling of leaves in the wind...

He strained his ears a little more, and perked up as he finally recognized it.

That had sounded like talking!

Twilight heard it only a moment later, and he smiled over at Wind, speeding his steps towards the noises. They grew louder and louder, and as Twilight pushed through the bushes, the other Links came into view, talking around a half-set up campsite.

Wind ducked down a little on Twilight’s shoulder (in respect for him wanting to keep Wolfie a secret), and began looking around for Sky.

“Rancher!” Wild called out when he noticed him, and the other heroes paused in their discussion to give him relieved looks, several eyes drawn to his bloodied arm. Warriors stepped over when he saw it, and immediately began fishing in his bag, relief and worry equal on his face.

“Glad to see you’re alright Rancher, we were worried,” Four said as he set down some firewood, and Wind ducked even lower as he walked by. Where was Sky?

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked as he stepped closer to Warriors, and Wind looked around at the heroes as some of them resumed their discussion, their loud talking sounding more like an argument to him. It was mostly making his ears hurt.

“We can’t find Sky or Wind,” Warriors replied as he continued to dig in his bag. His voice was grim, and Wind thought he looked a little frazzled. “They must have been separated from us somehow, I don’t know where they are. But what worries me most is that they’re the only ones we haven’t found. Apart from you Rancher, we all came out in the same area.”

“That’s strange,” Twilight replied, his brow creasing. “Sky isn’t with you all?”

A wave of dread swamped over Wind. Oh no.

“Nope. Haven’t seen him since we came through the portal. He probably fell asleep somewhere,” Legend drawled, but his voice held a fair amount of concern in it.

“Have you seen Wind?” Four asked Twilight, and then his gaze caught on the cat sitting on his shoulder.

His eyes went wide, color shimmering off of them, and Wild seemed to notice the cat at the same moment the smithy did, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Twilight is that a cat?” the champion asked loudly, and Twilight cringed as the argument stopped, everyone staring over at where Wind was sitting primly on his unhurt shoulder.

Four and Time exchanged looks, Time’s eye narrowing in a calculating way, and Wind heard Twilight swallow.

“I...”

He trailed off, and Wind moved closer to his head, giving him a gentle nudge. It’s okay Twi.

Twilight let out a sigh, his face turning to one of resignation.

“...Yeah, it is. I... guess the cat’s out of the bag,” he mumbled, and Wind twitched his whiskers at the phrase. Seriously Twilight? “This... is our sailor.”

The clearing was suddenly very quiet.

“...You’re kidding,” Legend groaned after a solid minute of silence, putting his head in his hands. “Rancher you’ve got to be more careful with that stupid necklace.”

“It wasn’t my fault!” Twilight said indignantly, and the clearing broke into confused questions while Wind gave Legend a look, sticking his tongue out. That’s right it wasn’t! Well... not really. “It was an accident, veteran.”

“But... how?” Warriors asked, looking between Wind and Twilight with an expression of alarm. He’d found a potion bottle, but seemed to have forgotten about it as he stared between them. “He can’t have— really? Is this a joke?”

“Oh it’s no joke,” Four said with a quirked eyebrow.

Wind eyed the smithy curiously. Maybe Wild, Time, and Legend aren’t the only ones who knew about Wolfie after all.

Twilight sighed. “Captain, it’s complicated, and I promise I’ll explain, but long story short... we need the Master Sword to fix him.”

Warriors looked even more alarmed. “What? Why do you need the Master Sword? Is he cursed?”

“...Sort of?”

“Sort of?!”

“Okay, yes, it’s sort of a curse, but it’s easily fixed,” Twilight reassured.

“He’s right. Relax Captain, we just need the sword and he’ll be good to go,” Legend spoke up again, and though Warriors still looked worried, he calmed down somewhat.

“Erm, one problem with that... Sky has the Master Sword with him,” Hyrule piped up, and the confused questions and chatter died down a bit.

“Oh. Well that does put a wrench in things,” Wild said.

Wind meowed quietly in agreement.

All of them turned to stare at Wind at the noise, and the sailor squirmed a little at the scrutiny. He could feel their eyes on him, looking at his fur and whiskers and everything, and he sank down a little in Twilight’s pelt.

“Sailor, are you okay?” Warriors asked as he stepped forward, studying Wind with a worried look.

Wind let out a meow in reply, and without really thinking, gave Warriors’ outstretched hand a lick. The captain blinked in surprise, and Wind had just enough time to wonder why exactly he’d done that, before Warriors smiled, giving Wind a small scratch behind the ears.

Ooh... that felt nice.

Wind leaned into the touch, a rumbly noise rising in his chest, then blinked, and shook himself as he realized what he was doing.

For Jabun’s sake, he wasn’t actually a cat!

“You’re really okay, kiddo?” Warriors asked seriously, and Wind nodded, still enjoying the feel of his fingers gently running over his fur. He was feeling better now that he was back with the others, even if he was embarrassed to be... well, a cat.

I was already the youngest, and now I’m the smallest too, Wind thought as Warriors removed his hand, feeling glum. Even a miniblin would give me trouble like this, no less something like a kargaroc. I’m toast if we go into battle...

“So a cat, huh... that’s interesting,” Four said thoughtfully.

“You’re awfully fluffy,” Hyrule said, peering at Wind.

“Wow, yeah,” Wild said, putting his face right up by Wind’s. Wind had the sudden urge to bat at the hair coming lose from his ponytail. “Are all cats this fluffy?”

“Yes Wild, they are,” Twilight said, his voice sounding a little strained, and Time came over and pushed him gently down to sit on a log.

“Alright, let’s slow down a bit. I believe a further explanation would be helpful, but Twilight’s arm could use a potion first.” Time took the bottle from Warriors and handed it to Twilight as he spoke. “Sailor, are you hurt at all?”

Wind let out a thoughtful little chirp, and looked back at himself. He was reminded again of the handful of cuts he’d gotten during the fight on the cliff as he looked at his fur, but there wasn’t anything serious. He mostly felt sore from being knocked through the portal, and then being forcibly turned into a cat.

He couldn’t easily communicate any of this though, and looked a bit helplessly at Twilight.

“I think he has a couple scrapes, but nothing bad,” Twilight answered for him, having done his own look-over. Then the rancher leaned closer to Time, continuing in a lower voice that Wind almost missed. “All that magic hit him hard though. He can’t have a potion in this form, but... getting something warm in his stomach would be good for him.”

Wind narrowed his eyes, but didn’t protest as Time looked him over, his eye studying the few cuts he had.

Sympathy shone on Time’s face as he looked at Wind’s changed form, and he ran a gentle finger over his head before drawing back and asking Wild if dinner was ready. Wild nodded, and while Twilight drank his potion, Time poured a bit of the soup Wild had been letting simmer into a dish, and set it down on Twilight’s lap.

“Let’s have dinner,” Time said, sitting down beside Twilight. “Finding Sky is our priority, but empty stomachs are a more immediate problem.”

Nobody had any objections to Time’s suggestion, and anyone standing sat down. Wind had a feeling they were having dinner mostly for his and Twilight’s sakes, but Twilight definitely needed a break based on how pale his face was, so he didn’t complain.

The tantalizing smell of soup wafted through the clearing, and Wind suddenly realized he was rather hungry. His stomach let out a quiet growl, and Wind carefully shimmied down Twilight’s arm, still really not used to dealing with his paws and tail. But he managed to land without incident, and settled onto his lap next to the dish Time had gotten for him.

It took him another several minutes to figure out how to lap up the soup with his tongue though, and even then he still got some on his face. Everyone’s eyes were on him as Wild began passing out soup, and Wind felt his face grow hot, even though he was sure cats couldn’t blush.

Did they have to stare?

He shot a withering look around camp, and everybody seemed to get the hint, looking at their own food instead of his.

Wind quickly lapped up the rest of the soup while nobody was watching, caring less about being messy and just wanting to finish. It didn’t take him long to empty the dish, and he leaned back, licking his chops.

The soup had left a warm feeling in his middle, and Wind felt a lot better now that he’d eaten. So what if he had trouble with getting his tongue to work the way it was supposed to, and had bits of soup on his whiskers? It had been delicious.

Wind let out a breathy little sigh. Now if only I wasn’t still a cat...

“So Twilight, what exactly happened to you and Wind?” Warriors asked as they all ate, tone light, but still a bit suspicious.

“I don’t know all of what happened to Wind, but I can tell you what happened after I fell through the portal,” Twilight said. There was a flicker of something uneasy on his face, but he quickly smoothed it over, and Wind blinked.

He’s still nervous about Wolfie I bet... Is he going to explain about that, or make something up? he wondered, watching Twilight set down his empty dish. I wouldn’t blame him if he did. But then again, if I’m right about Four, then Hyrule and Warriors are the only ones who don’t know he’s Wolfie. It would be weird not to explain...

Twilight began to speak about the battle, and Wind settled a bit more comfortably on his lap, unable to stop himself from yawning.

He’d been planning to try walking around some more, and practice getting his paws to work right, but he was full of soup, and warm, and feeling awfully tired again, and decided just sitting and listening wouldn’t be so bad.

Besides, Sky might show up any minute, and then I won’t need to practice.

Twilight’s soft voice made little vibrations go through Wind’s paws as he spoke, his voice rumbling a little in his chest. The sound was oddly soothing, and Wind felt his eyes start to droop.

He valiantly tried to stay awake, but the exhaustion and tiredness in his bones he’d been trying to ignore suddenly reminded him of their existence full-force. Another yawn escaped him, his teeth glinting as he stretched his jaws, and Wind tucked his paws under himself, nestling his tail around him.

Someone’s hand patted his fur, and Wind sighed, tucking his face under his tail.

They would figure this all out, he was sure. Sky would show up with the Master Sword, or they’d go find him, and Wind would be back to normal in no time at all.

...He hoped.

He really, really hoped.

[offbrandhange]

AOT if you were sick | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Headcanons on how some of the AOT boys would help/comfort you when sick! :)

Characters: Armin, Connie, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi, Niccolo, Reiner,

Gender: Neutral, no references to readers’ gender ! :)

a/n: I haven’t been feeling well lately so badabam badaboom here we go. Also I am trying a new format because I’m pretty sure when I write the bullet points it looks wonky on mobile?...I dunno man :/

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Right off the bat, Armin would ask what your symptoms are. Immediately after telling him he’d rush out to the pharmacy to pick up meds, and probably some comfort food, too.

How does he comfort you?

Armin would comfort you by bringing you things you need like medicine, wet towels, clean clothes, food, etc. Constantly, and I mean constantly asking if you want anything.

He probably would also set up a little sick-station in the living room with a blanket, pillow, cup of water, wet towel, bowl of soup, etc. and put on a TV show you like and just...chill while you watch or nap (if you fall asleep midway through).

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Only if you were super sick. He would 1000% be worried about you while at work, though. You’d get “How are you doing” messages every hour, and he’d totally end up annoying the sh*t out of his co-workers for constantly talking about you being ill. Armin would probably also pick up a little snack/gift for you on his way home.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Most likely not. Armin would be scared he’d get sick too, and then you’d have to take care of him. If you begged him for a quick kiss, or you really whined for some cuddles, then maybe he’ll indulge.

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕾𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

“Dang bro, that sucks.” And that’s all he says.

How does he comfort you?

I think if you asked him for something, he’d get you it willingly and eagerly, but otherwise he’s clueless; He assumes you’re good if you don’t say anything.

Connie would comfort you by hanging out with you. Most likely, he’d sit you down on the couch and play video games with you, like Mario Kart; or he’d show you him killing a really hard boss. I think he’d also send you funny videos/tiktoks, and I mean like, the really dumb ones, where it’s like...a fart sound effect over an image of a truck. Or a, “Can I touch that badonkadonk fool?”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yup, especially if you asked. I feel like Connie would take any chance he could to take off work, and you being sick would be his opening. He wouldn’t leave you alone all day, either; You’re stuck with him.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Connie does not care if you’re sick. You’re gonna get the same amount of treatment, maybe more if you whine and snuggle into his chest. He thinks you’re even more cute when you’re sick.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Eren would say something like, “Oh. Are you alright?” If you said no, he’d make you a snack or ask if you want anything. Afterwards he would chill with you and probably cuddle or snuggle you. I doubt he would really worry, he’d be real calm about it.

How does he comfort you?

He’d bring you something if you needed it. The only time I could see him getting fussy about it though, is if you interrupted him while he was totally invested in a video game or on a work call.

Most definitely snuggles with you in bed. Probably would do something to tease you too, kissing down your neck and saying “Are you better yet? How about now? Are you better yet?” I can see Eren being totally down for an afternoon nap together anytime you wanted.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

He would ask you if you wanted/needed him to. If you said yes he would, even if you weren’t really sick. Likewise, if you said you’re fine, but were far from fine, he’d call BS and stay home too; if you kept saying he didn’t need to, it’s very likely his stubborn a*s would argue with you and take off anyways.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Definitely. Eren would still, probably even more than usual, baby the ever-loving sh*t out of you. There’s no escaping his cuddles, kisses, or more...sexual activities.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Erwin, like Armin, would ask what’s wrong right away. Except he would completely annoy you by asking a million f*cking questions about your symptoms. He’d probably google them too and list a ton of possibilities that are so far-fetched. He’d end up scaring HIMSELF and forcing you to go to the doctor.

How does he comfort you?

Up your A**. Every five seconds he would be like, “Need something? You’re sure? You’re sure you’re sure? I know I was here five minutes ago, yeah, but I’m just making sure. So you’re sure?”

Pets your head, ruffles your hair. Goes out to pick up medicine, snacks, maybe even flowers. Probably tries to brush your teeth for you. You know, Erwin things.

Would they take/call off work for you?

Y E S. Yes. This man would call off the whole WEEK. He wouldn’t leave you alone, either. The whole damn day he’d be breathing down your NECK. Even if the only discomfort you felt was a scratchy throat. He’d make you call off work too.

Are they still physically affectionate?

I feel like Erwin is on the verge of being either, “Yes, princess, let me hold you.” or, “Oh no, no, no, we can’t be having that. Oh no, no, no. No passing illnesses, sweetie.” If the second were true, the only way to get him off your back would be by threatening to hug him while snot was dripping down your nose. This grown ass man would probably be screaming like a (very deep-voiced) little girl and running for dear life.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Jean would be so FREAKING sweet, and nobody can tell me otherwise. He’d say something like, “Awe, baby. Are you okay? Want anything?” He genuinely cares; although, immediately afterward he did anything nice or caring for you, he’d text all his dude friends and be like “yo man I’m SUCH a good boyfriend.” and brag his a*s off.

How does he comfort you?

He’d ask every once in a while if you needed anything, and he’d randomly bring you stuff like soup or a fresh cup of water. He’d probably feed you it, too.

Depending on what you wanted, Jean would either leave you alone or smother you to death. If you wanted him to leave you alone he’d check in on you every so often, and if you wanted him to smother you, he’d literally follow you all around the house. I’m talking like, cuddling or napping on the couch/bed, or straight up just following you around like an overly-attached child. His arms would be around your waist, chin on your head, and he’d waddle behind you like a d*mn penguin. And that includes trips to the bathroom. He’d probably sit outside the bathroom and wait for you, though.

Would they take/call off work for you?

If you wanted him to, were really sick, or if you were incredibly pitiful and acting like you were on your deathbed. Otherwise, I think he’d still go to work. He would bring home snacks and flowers afterwards though.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Oh my god, Jean would still be all over you. Like, there wouldn’t be a moment you’d be free from his hold. He’d probably still want to have sex with you, too as long as you were feeling well enough for it...The only exception would be if you got too over-heated or over-whelmed, then he’d very sadly hold back. Like a scolded pup, he’d just sit there...watching you...wishing you were in his arms.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

You would tell him you’re not feeling well, and the first thing this man’d say would be, “What is it? You have the sh*ts? Something not coming out?” He’d get you what you needed immediately after you told him what was really wrong, though; but he’d also, very discreetly slip you a box of anti-diarrheals, too, just in case.

How does he comfort you?

Every once in a while he will ask if you need something. He’s not too over-bearing nor distant. Although, he’s probably constantly slipping you hand-sanitzers, and cleaning your room, or anything you’ve touched. It’s for your, and his sake. Oh, and he’s not handing you anything, either; he’s throwing it at you to catch. Or slipping his hand through the door with a bowl of soup/cup of water, and placing it on the floor/nearest surface. Kind of like when a cat pushes their paw through a crack, then disappears, and you’re like, “oh, would you look at that.”

I don’t think Levi would really want to be too close since he’s kind of a clean-freak, so he’d comfort you through, maybe, sending you low-quality cat memes he found on the web. Or he’d put on one of those full-on, ugly, yellow hazard suits and hold your hand while watching a reality-TV show like The Bachelorette meanwhile mocking them to oblivion. You’re legally required to laugh at the comments he makes about the people on the show; he’s doing it to be funny. He’s just awkward.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

If you were pitiful, or not that sick, no. If you were genuinely pretty sick, then he’d call off work. He wouldn’t bug you, he’d just...stand in the corner and watch you. Just...he’d be there. Also still in his hazard suit. With his arms crossed.

Are they still physically affectionate?

No. Absolutely not. Not unless you’re talking about him and the cleaning supplies. I think if you tried to go anywhere near him, he’d get really mad and threaten you with a spray-bottle filled with water.

I think he would be upset, though. Like, I could see him having a calendar and just...sadly, squeakily dragging that marker down to form an X over the day to see how long you were sick, waiting ‘till you were better so he could hug you again.

𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

In a worried, but also kind of loving-scolding way, he’d say something like, “Geez, how’d this happen?” Immediately after he’d make you some homemade soup with fresh ingredients. Only after he would give you your medicine, because it needs a, “full stomach to work.”

Additionally, if he makes you food, don’t tell him if you can’t taste it. Please, god, don’t. He’ll feel like he did all that work for nothing then get annoyed.

How does he comfort you?

Constantly bringing you food or desserts. When he asks if you need anything, his mind jumps to a food or drink instead of medicine or a wet towel, because that’s just his strong-suit.

I feel like he would hang out with you and let you lay your head on his chest while you watched TV together. I picture him saying something like, “Hey babe, let’s watch Hell’s Kitchen.” Or, alternatively, “Hey babe, let’s watch Kitchen Nightmares.” Don’t watch Kitchen Nightmares with him. Those unclean kitchens will make HIM vomit, too.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Niccolo probably wouldn’t call off, but he would make you a whole bunch of yummy meals for you to eat the next day. He’d probably leave you a cute little note too, like a “Feel better, love you! :-D” with hearts all over it.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Depends on what kind of sickness you had. I think if you lost your taste he’d draw the line, simply because he needs to be able to taste the food he makes. Also, it frustrates the sh*t out of him when he loses his taste. Otherwise, I think he’d be down to cuddle, and very limitedly, kiss.

𝕽𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖗𝖆𝖚𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Gets VERY concerned. Wants to take you to the doctor, even if it’s a light illness, because he wants to make sure it’s nothing bad. He wouldn’t leave you alone after you tell him you’re sick, either. Constantly by your side.

How does he comfort you?

You wouldn’t need to ask for anything, because he already has everything for you. You’re surrounded in snacks, bottles of water, blankets, pillows, wet towels, medicine, literally anything you need, it’s already there. He’ll even offer to carry you to the bathroom, just so you don’t have to move.

Reiner would probably cuddle with you and put on a romance, family, or Disney movie. If it’s extra emotional, it’s gonna make him extra emotional. He will be squeezing you for dear life and just saying stuff like, “Boy, I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yes, even if all you had was the sniffles, Reiner would have already called off, and make you call off too. He just thinks that’s what you should do if a loved one is sick. If he left you alone, he’d get worried you’d end up falling or unable to get something you need. He wants to be there for you.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Reiner would, but in a much more sweet way. He’s genuinely really worried for you, and doesn’t like seeing you sick. So be prepared for him to constantly be holding you with your head on his chest, and him peppering kisses all over your face.

[seventeenfluff]

WEN JUNHUI AS YOUR BOYFRIEND

a/n my favorite bside is all my love but Hey Buddy friendzoned me so I live for it for the angst :)

Previous: HONG JISOO

ctto. to the pics

Dating Wen Junhui is literally slow-burn, best friend to lover au 40k fanfic

lmao like there's no way he would date someone he just met for the first time. I think he'll date someone he knew for a long time and is already comfortable with

he is so shy at meeting new people so if the two of are you are shy and neither wants to make the move because you are too shy, good luck?????

anyways, Jun is someone who really needs someone who he is comfortable to break out of his shell

once comfortable though, dating Jun is an adventure lmao

his mental age is either a 3 yr old or 35 years old. There's no in between

He is naturally funny so there's no such thing as "let's sit down and talk it out"

like one moment you're angry, sad, smad????, and then suddenly you're having a hard time to breathe from laughing too much

He really jokes around alot like he really loves making people laugh and Jun might be a quiet person but his sense of humor could rival BooSeokSoon's

anyway, dating Jun also felt like having a second mother. Seungkwan confirmed that Jun is the mother of the group so i think the way he treats people who is dear to him is the same way a mother treats her child.

He is your morning alarm lmao like if it is the weekday and both of you have schedules for the morning, he'll be calling you first thing in the morning to make sure you're not late

In the early stage of relationship, Jun is too quiet that there will be times it felt like you're talking to yourself most of the time

But once he opens up, this boy loves to talk and his stories are entertaining

whether talking about his hometown, hobby or discussing if cereal is a soup. Jun is a good conversationalist. He is really good at expressing his ideas and communicating what he really wants to say. (the best debator in the two seasons of GoSe Debate Night)

But despite the fact that he is good at talking, Jun is not the one to confront people.

If something made him uncomfortable, he would just bite his tongue and wait for people to notice his state, which is a big problem in his part.

Someone who rarely initiates physical affection but someone who craves it the most lol

He only uses physical touch when the situation really needs it (e.g when you're crying)

you two have no normal couple pictures because every selcas of you and him is meme-worthy because of Jun lmao

his love language is act of service.

Will make you breakfast when he could, reminds you to eat your lunch or not to work too hard, will take care of you when you are sick, etc.

Jun needed someone who could make him feel confident with himself. Someone who can assure him that he is enough and doing amazing.

Jun is a homebody so homedates is more frequent than going outside.

Will introduce to you the things he enjoys, from games to foods to movies.

Sends you picture(s) of him unprompted.

dates ranges from reserved fancy restaurants to "hey i found this stall that sells food in cat shape, wanna try?"

He is just so fun to be with like you know everytime you two hang out, your cheeks hurt from laughing too much

Jun is a person that is hard to read, you really don't know what he will do next or what he will say next.

He is a man full of surprise.

But Jun is a hardworking person, someone who could stay up all night practicing choreo, someone who could forget to reply to your message because he is busy leveling up his games

You actually find that trait endearing because the only time he could really focus on one task is when he is practicing or playing games lmao

But frequently, Jun is a hyperactive man specially when he is so comfortable with you.

If he is not that comfortable, you might find him boring.

Jun is the god of flirt, get ready to have your heart melt everytime

But he's also easy to be flustered lol

But anyway flirty Jun who would wink at you when the two of you are just eating silently, unprompted cheesy, toe-cringing pick up lines out of nowhere...

Also he knows he is handsome so yes he is aware of what he could do and how dangerous he is

But lol this side won't come out on the first date though.

Anyways, Jun is a guy not easy to date, not because he is a high maintenance boyfriend rather, he is not someone easy to crack.

Next Member: KWON SOONYOUNG (HOSHI)

[defilerwyrm]

For the ask meme: burning bright, anything about the parts at the table with the Nein. You write their banter so well!

FIC SPOILERS BELOW!

Burning Bright on AO3

The entire dinner scene hit me like a bolt of lightning while I was working on this fic. It started with Beau’s outburst, and then Veth’s willful denial and subsequent fit, and I built the two scenes around that.

Diving into particulars….

“Uhm,” he said, intelligently, but quickly recovered and flashed his friends a smile. “It is most impressive. Certainly a step up from a tiny hut.”

A direct reference to the name of the spell. Originally it was Leomund’s tiny hut. I have no clue why in 5e Wizards decided to 86 the attribution names on so many spells like Otiluke’s resilient sphere and Tasha’s hideous laughter. Things like that always made me curious about the (what I assume were) PCs the spells were named after. I had thought maybe it was because the characters who diegetically invented them were specific to one setting, but in that case I don’t know why Bigby’s hand is still Bigby’s but Evard’s black tentacles are no longer Evard’s. I don’t like it. As an aside, Widowgast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower is, mechanically speaking, Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion. Anyway. Moving on!

It was delectable that Caleb wanted to impress him.

This boy hungry and not just for soup

Flustered, Essek tried to fend them off, but it was Caleb that did him in. It was always Caleb. The human took a large roll from his own plate, broke it in half, and offered one of these parts to Essek, who tried his best not to choke.

“You need to keep your strength up, ja?” Caleb implored him quietly.

The steady hand that accepted was a point of pride because it very much wanted to quake. The Kryn weren’t bread people, but...did he have any idea what this gesture would mean in Rosohna? Any inkling at all?

This is another one of those places where I delight in playing to cultural differences. What I’d had in mind for what that gesture—breaking food into two pieces and offering half to someone—WOULD mean in Rosohna was a bit nebulous, as I like to keep the reader guessing a bit and let their imagination fill in the blanks; but my rough idea was that it’s a courting gesture that signifies “I can and will provide for you, even if it means less for me.” An expression of selfless caregiving and an offer of partnership. Not wholly unlike a bird bringing food to a prospective mate.

And actually it’s a little bit funny coming from Caleb, who has fuck-all to his name but his name, when Essek is a rich bitch who answers directly to the Bright Queen.

Not that he was about to say it out loud, but he was a quick convert to this whole bread thing. To say that it won him over would be an understatement. That seemed to be a recurring theme here.

I imagine if I’d grown up never really eating bread and was introduced to it in adulthood I’d be like “Where have you BEEN all my life?!” But also: the bread is friendship, the bread is the Mighty Nein, the bread is communion in the spirit of sharing rather than politics and appearances and power plays—things he thought he was fine without until they were foisted upon him.

Somewhere in the course of the multiple conversations going on at one time, Jester got an Idea, as she was prone to doing. He became increasingly aware of her talking about kissing, of all things, and this culminated in her shouting above the din, cheeks flushed purple though he hadn’t seen her touch any wine: “I have an idea you guys! Why don’t we all go around and say how many people we’ve kissed?”

Jester is the most wonderfully convenient deus ex machina if you ever need to insert an awkward or embarrassing conversation among the Mighty Nein, because this is exactly the sort of shit she would do.

Jester leaped up and slammed her hands onto the table. “Caduceus you’ve never been kissed?! That’s so sad!”

The firbolg was unfazed. He merely shrugged and said, “It hasn’t come up and I haven’t gone looking. Not something I’ve ever thought about, really.”

Jester’s tail lashed back and forth behind her like an overstimulated cat. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Fjord went a bit wild-eyed at this. Caduceus smiled gently and said, “No thank you.”

Three things about this part:

1) Jester’s tail doesn’t get NEARLY enough mention in fic! If I’m playing (or writing) a character with a tail you can be damn sure you’re gonna know what it’s doing! Makes me wanna play a tabaxi tbqh.

2) Cad’s “No thank you” is the sum total of his sexuality, lol. Jester was raised in a pretty highly sexualized setting, didn’t really get out much before she fled Nicodranas, and can be pretty naïve, so she doesn’t really get the whole aroace thing; but it never crosses Cad’s mind that this would be “abnormal“ or ”sad” in any way—it causes him no distress, as it shouldn’t. This is yet another “Same planet, different worlds” moment.

3) Fjord is physically restraining himself from yelling “JESTER WHAT THE FUCK” lmao

Veth kept picking at it. “So you’re um. You know. Into the fellas?”

Beau snorted. “I could’a told you that months ago.”

“Yeah you could’a!” Veth pouted with a self-conscious curl to her shoulders.

I saw a comment on Tiktok that said Veth was being borderline homophobic, but that wasn’t my intent! It’s just that she inherited a certain blind spot for male queerness from her player, and as hard as she’d been trying to encourage Caleb to hook back up with his female ex, it never occurred to her that he had a male ex, too—and given that they’ve been so close for so long, she’s feeling pretty self-conscious about the fact that she never figured out that Caleb is bisexual in all that time, as well as kind of upset that no one—Caleb especially—told her. She’s having a moment of “Why didn’t I know this? Did you think it was going to change things between us? Did I make you feel unsafe?” And also a little bit of “Okay well, now I have to get him to hook up with TWO people AT ONCE because my boy deserves threesomes 😤”

Jester went goggle-eyed at him. “You’ve only been with one person?” she exclaimed. “But you’re like a hundred years old! And very handsome. I would have thought you’d get like, all the ladies.”

Ladies. Right.

Veth might not be the only one with a certain blind spot.

Beau gave her a funny look, snorting. “I dunno, he seems like the kinda guy who turns down those offers left and right.”

..…But Beau’s got his number, for more than one reason. She’s got super gaydar, for one, and has him pegged as the type who’s very choosy about his partners (also mind you, this was before demi!Essek was canonized by WoG, so I was still rolling with my hc that Essek got around when he felt like it).

The uproar was instantaneous. Everyone—almost everyone—started talking or shouting at once. Beau’s voice rang out among the din with, “HOLY SHIT ESSEK FUCKS.” Strangely pleased with himself, he downed the rest of his wine in one gulp and spent the next few minutes fending off increasingly prying, personal questions until the Nein grew bored with his lack of answers and someone changed the subject.

There it is, the line that spawned two entire scenes!

He was not a war mage, but he was experienced and wily, and he was damned good at what he did, and as long as there was breath left in his body, the Mighty Nein would not fall here.

Joke’s on me, motherfucker literally has the War Caster feat -_-

But like in my defense, that’s just what it’s called in the book. The feat just means that you have either the training or experience to cast well during a fight, which I see as not necessarily the same thing as a war mage, which was my way of saying an arcane caster who is a soldier.

Veth stared at her blankly as if willing herself not to understand. “Caleb? With who?”

She breathed steadily. “...Essek. Caleb and Essek.”

Beside her, Jester squealed and brought her fists to her face.

Veth was less enthused. “WHAT.”

Beau’s mental commentary here is dead on. Veth still doesn’t really trust Essek at this point and has been pretty vocal about that…despite being the one to declare him part of the Mighty Nein? Eh, she’s allowed to have complicated feelings on the guy, all things considered. But I find it kind of comical and very Veth (and very Sam) for her to be all full of zest for trying to get Caleb back together with the frigging Volstrucker who is actively working for his abuser and worst enemy but balk at him hooking up with Essek.

Jester “explained” in a delighted yell: “Caleb and Essek are gonna fuuuuuuck!”

I don’t know, is this too unsubtle to call foreshadowing? The line flowed naturally in the dialogue, but it’s also letting the reader know exactly what they’re in for next, lol.

“...He’s going to break that little elf twink, you know,” Veth said, sounding distant. Seemed she was having some difficulty processing. Not too surprising, considering how adamant she was about wanting their wizard to hook back up with his old flame, the fucking Volstrucker. “We’ve all seen his dick.”

This was 100% taken from Sam’s little throwaway line “It’s above-average” but it turned out to serve two purposes other than reminding the reader that all of these people have seen Caleb naked:

1) It’s yet another thing Veth thinks she understands about him but doesn’t. Caleb’s a top like Dalmatians are purple and if you disagree then I respect your right to be incorrect ;)

2) That said, it is, in fact, foreshadowing for the sequel, in which Essek experiences a great deal of frustration. (I haven’t touched the damn thing in weeks, feels like; I’ve been too busy with work, being exhausted from work, and being in a tizzy about my upcoming surgery.)

Fjord blurted out, “I’ll join you.”

Poor Fjord has had such an uncomfortable night!

Hoo boy that was a lot. Thanks for the ask, this was really fun!! And sorry it took so long; I work Saturday nights and things got really busy for a bit there.

[nightshadedawn]

Persona 5: Royal playthrough pt2

I love the fact that you can talk to individuals in safe rooms and they'll have something to say about the thing you just did.

Is it just me or are Yusuke's safe room animations different?

I can't help but imagine that one guy who does "What You Favorite Ship from [Show] Says about You"

Ryuji/Joker - You're always a slut for dumb blondes that can dominate you in the bedroom.

Ann/Joker - You're always a slut for dumb blondes who can dominate you in the bedroom... AND you're hetrosexual.

Ann/Joker/Ryuji - One day you decided what's better then one dumb blond that can dominate you? TWO dumb blondes that can dominate you.

But also- "What's better than one dumbass bisexual? THREE dumbass bisexual."

And I couldn't help thinking it: Makoto/Joker- "You think that a strong female character is a one who punches and shoots things instead of a well written one."

There is only one braincell between Ann, Joker, and Ryuji, and Joker usually has it.

I saw Akechi in a clip and shouted THAT BASTARD

I usually play when no one else is up but my brother is up and gives me weird looks whenever I growl at the TV

I am growling at Makoto, for context

Walked to school with Ryuji. It was awesome.

Rethinking my "I'm okay with Kasumi" POV

I need more Ann in my life. I wanna walk under an umbrella with Ann and be super stupid romantic.

Ann and Ryuji were at the Captain Kidd thing in my Thieves den, and she called Captain Kidd cute, inadvertantly calling Ryuji cute, and I was so sure he was about to blush.

Ryuji be defending me against Makoto. "My friend here's an upstanding guy." Nice.

...Makoto's a fucking bitch.

Morgana keeps calling her sharp, but most of the stuff is just like... bitch, you keep walking into this stuff. It's like the shittiest mystery ever. And no one's gonna let down their guard with your upfrotn questions.

...Morgana has watched anime, I do not take critisism.

"Morgana... TRAAAAANSFORM!" seems like an in universe Featherman thing.

Also, I think that Morgana turning into a bus is a reference to 'Totoro' and the orange cat bus?

Ryuji climbing up from to sit with his boyfriend is literally adorable.

...I'm going to ram Morgana into all the walls, just because he doesn't want me to.

...Butler Joker has a monocule and I CAN'T.

Joker's Christmas outfit amuses me. Ryuji's is the best. The part of me that is attracted to Ann for her personality says her outfit is too sexualized, but the part that likes he body...

Morgana freaking out about Jose complimenting Ann and Ann loving it is just... great, with me having the knowledge that I am going to date her.

If you haven't play as cat Morgana in the Thieves Den what the fuck are you doing with yourself. This is the cutest shit I have ever, ever seen. I have never squealed so much in... at least the last month.

"You two seem pretty close," Makoto says. Bitch, I'd marry her if that were an option.

...Ryuji be calling be a pacifist, but I'm just like... hun... no.

OH COME ON. Ann and Ryuji get to fall for snacks but the first time I try Ann gives me dirty looks?

Honestly, going through the story, I think it's characters like Yusuke and Haru who have it the worst. Their fathers/father-figures betrayed them and used them for their own personal gains. And even Haru had it easier, because she was legitimately her father's daughter and an adult. She inherited everything after he died. What did Yusuke get? A schoolarship to Kosei he had earned by his own merits and severe trauma.

HOSTAGE SITUATIONS HAPPEN AS EARLY AS MADARAME'S PALACE!? I've only have to deal with it once, with Ann in the Holy Grail thing. I think some Black Ooze took her hostage, but that was my first playthrough! Now Ryuji's been taken hostage by Ame-no-uzume. :,(

SHE CALLED HIM MY PARTNER. P4 FLASHBACKS.

...I- I- My life for Ryuji's? I- Yeah. Battlewise, bad plan. But- But my boy-

THE BITCH DOES NOT GET TO PLEAD FOR HER LIFE AFTER THREANING RYUJI

Aw, Ryuji leveled up. :)

...Will Seeds look like demonic potatoes. Yummy.

I like that Palace Ruler Alertness doesn't go up as much as in vanilla.

Ryuji really is the kind of person to pick at anything, isn't he? Walls, scabs, loose thred, peeling paint.

The way Joker runs looks so weird from a distance.

The little whispering shit near the Will Seeds is so fucking creepy, not gonna lie.

5/22 and I'm slamming Madarame into the ground!

I can't STOP SEEING MATHEW MERCER EVERY TIME YUSUKE TALKS. I heard it and now I can't unhear it. I only knew him as the DM in Critical Role and now I'm fuuuuuucked.

...Yusuke really does have the most tragic backstory. Never knew his dad, mom died when he was a kid, and was raised by a bastard who used him for his own selfish gains. The others at least knew their parents for a time. Yusuke's been an orphan basically his entire life...

AAAAAAnd then Ryuji ruined it by complaining baout black coffee (not that I blame him, yuck)

"We have too many dude..." I say, and Yusuke looks so innocent when he offers to dress as a woman. I would support this notion! I have seen his outfit in the dancing game! Allow me this, Atlus!

...Morgana is so full of himself.

You can't have Ann, cat! She's already taken!

So... Morgana makes comentary about me saving even when I'm... not taking forever on the save screen? Weird.

Igor paused when asked about the man in the black mask. Proof early on that he knew something! (We all know that he did, but there's proof now, hindsight and all)

Joker has dry humor. That, or no one else has a sense or humor in this game. Either way, I love picking on Morgana.

Why does telling Ann 'I love you' during her confiant route only give you a +2? Because, like, I really do...

Anyways, did you know that out of all the datable options, Ann is the one you can say that to the most?

Opperation Maidwatch is so awkward.

...I really need a comic where Ann dresses the boys off based off that one event with her, Mishima, Ryuji, and Joker.

Where's the logic in there being an event in the middle of a palace run that, you know, eats into palace run time? Not that I need it, but still.

Every time I go on a date with Ryuji, I get super happy.

...Can this game PLEASE let me have at least nuetral responses to the redheaed first year? I'm- I don't LIKE HER. It's the them trying to make Makoto the prefered love interest all over again. Not having it, mates.

Ryuji, you try to be a punk, but you're so judgemental of everyone's outfits. Can't fool me, pretty boy.

...This entire clean up thing really bothers me. Like, it's literally useless. I don't think you can do anything after it, and COME ON. What else are people using this time for unless it's preping for palaces?

Ryuji is a Good Boy and it's literally just the preceeding reputation that kills it.

Maruki is still a meme. Literally that one meme where the guy throws sparkles everywhere.

Fuck off, Yoshizawa, I wanna go find my datemates and go home. I don't wanna eat soup with you.

"I drive without a liscene too." "Even *I* can tell you're joking." Bitch, if you've SEEN what I do in the Metaverse...

...This makes me worried for how they've shoehorned her Awakening into this... I hope it's during Kaneshiro's Palace. That'll make it more bearable.

...Can I not do her social link, or is it story built? 'Cause if I don't have to, I don't want to. But then again... I should probably do it to be a completionest.

Well, I'm sorry Sae, but I wouldn't call a TEENAGER an expert in anything. You also sound too soft. Aren't you still trying to hound him?

The who 'I am Thou' thing sounds so broken and sad for Faith. I don't like this.

I almost wanna bet real money on Tycoon so Yusuke can have some money for food.

Ryuji's just looking at me all wide eyed after I win another game of Tycoon and is like "Shoulda figured." so I'm just sitting here like... Yeah, I'm pretty good at this. I take it seriously even when it's not a serious game.

Anyway, onto Kaneshiro! And fucking Makoto...

[ilguna]

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke” 

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was 

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache 

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

[k4nill]

ROTTMNT Headcannons for a Friend ~ S/O being sick.

Sorry i'm damnnnn late but translating this took a me while hahaha I hope you get better soon dear!!! @turtlestanfirst.

Raph

> Calls you all the fluffiest pet names with that sweet "hey buddy" tone all the time you are sick.

> Rather visit you than having you in quarentene by Donnie on the lair (and also to have some time alone)

> Raph is most likely to pick you up for anything, so forget about being able to walk for a while.

> Tries to cook for you, but it's always the same Raph special Hot Soup™ (ramen noodles with maccaroni and spaguetti pasta, Raph is a high-cab guy) still, is warm as his heart and a delight.

> He understands how tired you must feel so he suggest soft activities (having netflix marathons of movies, a console game, board games, BUT NEVER FUCKING UNO HE WILL CRY IF YOU THROW HIM THAT +4 CARD)

> He's the one who would probably ask you if you wanted him to leave or if you want to be alone, he thinks he's too suffocating. (It is a little, but you know, he cares too much)

> Builts a pillow fortress for you and when entering he says: "you need something, your majesty?" He just treats you like royalty.

> Blast your favorite songs and sings for you in the smoothest jazzy voice. (you know his beautiful deep ass voice)

> Let's say you are so entretained you and Raph forget the time for your meds, still you take em, but like 5 hours late.

> Raph constantly talks about his family and friends. He's the one to bring up deep conversations topics (about him being the leader , not being good enough, concerned by his brothers dumbassery) and you open up as well. Raph is full of emotions and loves to be listened to and he'll do the same for you.

>His eyes become crystalline when you start coughing or when the thermometer marks a mild fever.

> He tries to clean your place. Tries, but most likely to trash it a little bit more... Just a little.

> When you told him you were sick he came rushing, didn't even think of getting sick himself, so, after you recover is most likely you have to take care of him.

> Dumb dumb also didn't tell his family where tf he was, so he made his family a little concerned.

Donnie

> Boy thinks He's Dr. House or some shit like he'll ask you all you symptoms and then he tells you with his dorky "Mr. I know all" smirk that is a rare desease that you can only adquire on the amazon rainforest like... You have a cold.

> Doesn't want to get sick (a waste of time) and definitely don't want anyone on the lair sick cuz they are DRAMATIC AF when they get sick.

> So he suits himself up with those NBC suits and ask you to stay in a (previously prepared) station in the lab, which is basically a sickbed with some comfy futons (that he stole from Leon), with a screen near for your entretainment, and tons of pillows.

> Programs Shelldon so you can have your meds on time or if you need something he can bring it to you.

> You may find a plushie in the station and ask Donnie where he got it and he'll tell you with the most monotone and uninterested tone : "Oh I took it from Leon, it was with the pillows, don't mind it, you can take it home if you want"

> YEAH THE BITCH TOTALLY FOUGHT A CAT FOR IT ON THE FUCKING DUMPSTER AND HE'S SCREAMING INTERNALLY WHEN YOU SAY: "Thanks, it's cute."

> He'll work on some project but high-key is not, he's watching you all the time, like you are watching some dank ass memes and look over to see him and he does that "thing", you know when you pretend you stare at nothing when they catch you staring at someone?

> He' wearing the suit but with any barely improvement of the symptoms he'll take it off and get closer to you cuz he misses being close to you.

> Won't allow you to be just in bed tho, he says activity is important. So he takes you out to dance to your favorite songs and his weeb songs. (Bootyyyshaker9000 entered the game)

> When you are getting ready to go to sleep, he tucks you in, gets his caffeine overdose and in your deep dream state he plugs you in a machine to continue to monitor your sickness.

> Gets sick cuz he's a dummy and took the suit to early, also not enough sleep can lower your defenses.

Leon

>Ok low-key the doctor of the family, (I live for this HC of Leon being a doctor) knows right away you are sick when you come in the lair.

> Also doesn't want you in quarentene (Damn Donnie it's not time to test that gigant quarentine snow globe protocol) so takes you to the "Neon City". (Leon's room is filled with Neon signs of all kinds.)

> Lets you use his bed, no questions and doesn't take a no for an answer. (plus his eye mask)

> In the shelfs they are these plants and miniature zen garden, rubik's cube, some origami stuff, figurines....he shows you how to take care of the plants, solve 3d puzzles, even teaching you origami (Leon is a very zen person, if he doesn't have a break from the meme lord he is he would've snapped a long time ago) and his personal favorite: sewing patches to his gigant bed sheet (he started trimming pieces of fabrics and putting em together, remember they aren't rich but resourceful) just to keep you entretained.

> But board games are next level shit, you don't want to play because Leon is a really bad loser/winner he's dumbass and will always complain.

> You two end up watching compilations of memes and vines for HOURS, until you decide is time to watch a movie, but wait its the fucking 69 movies of Jupiter Jim the only thing in the catalogue.

> But you love to reenact your favorite scenes with him, and maybe, just maybe he would let you be Captain Jim this time.

> We all know Leon is really clumsy, yet he's really gentle and soft when he wants to. He treats you the same as always (quoting shitty vines and hideous oneliners from time to time) but he tries to touch you a lot more and if you think of something it's like he already read you mind and bring you what you wanted or needed. Smooth mofo.

> Leon isn't obsessive when it's something mild (like a cold) he knows is something temporary and just want you to keep you distracted, without feeling suffocated or making you feel you can't do anything.

> But if it was something like a broken bone, beatings in general or you having a relapse in any major illness he would get depressed. He won't be as bright with you or with others, his behaivor would shift from 100 to 1 until you get better.

> In this last scenario, silently cries when people he cares about (that are in this state) are asleep, cuz he can't make them heal faster or make them feel better. His brothers snap, are agressive, are short tempered and anxious when they are in this situation, Leon just shuts down and bottles up his feelings of impotence.

>Also another dummy who gets sick, he's a pain in the ass who thinks he's gonna die soon, but give him all the attention an cuddles and he'll be a good boy.

Mikey

>Stole literally all the comfy items (plushies, futons, shelldon, Raph's hot soup) to give it to you.

> Mikey is not knowledgable in med stuff, so he often ask Leon or Donnie about your sickness but won't credit them lol.

> The entire time wears a classic halloween costume nurse hat and wears a white coat and a fake glasses with a mustache when he wants to be a doctor. (plus: makes his voice a little deeper)

> He says that the lair isn't at all like a hospital but the hospital is made by all the good will people of the personal that want to help others, so he dresses up to make you feel in one. You can't help but enjoy everytime he changes from a nurse to a doctor having their monologues about payday and gossiping about the "other" staff.

Dr. Mikey: "Dr. Saenz just told me that he's firing Barbara because he didn't bought him the right sidedish with his pizza."

Nurse Mikey: "hOW DARES BARBARA DISRESPECT DR. SAENZ ONION RINGS WITH BARBECUE SAUCE"

> And takes the game kinda far.

Dr. Mikey: "yOU INSURANCE DOESN'T COVER THIS!!!"

You: "Ok doctor what about if I make a deposit of hugs in the bank for this?"

Mikey:"O-okay!!!! I'm the bank man now!!! (Totally changed into a bank man just adding a red tie)

> Mikey won't turn down your entretainment, neither his. So he'll paint and let you paint saying is your recovery therapy.

> You would have a lot of fun but sometimes you'll feel a little ashamed to show what you did because honestly Mikey is really good, nontheless he'll will always compliment your art and keeps everysingle piece in storage (even things you think he should throw away).

> Mikey's meds skills are basically laugh therapy.

> While his brothers are calm he kinda panics and pretends everything is okay, until he trips on an imaginary banana peel or drops just one of your pills he snAPS and says he's sorry he's not a good enough nurse/doctor in the verge of tears. (Of course you later reasure him his not.)

> He's just so active but he knows you can cope with him, it's sorta frustraiting to him to lower her normal energy levels.

> Doesn't get sick, surprisingly.

[frog-chemicals]

Green, Blue, Cinnamon, Periwinkle, Blush, Indigo, Fuchsia+Copper (Yes, both of it XP), Honeydew, Coral, Umber, Razzmatazz, Arsenic, Saffron, Timberwolf, Plum, Chartreuse and Burgundy 😊💖 and a bonus, from the 'homestuck ask meme' >> John, Roxy, Dave, Karkat, Terezi, Feferi ✨

Green: I think you’re cute.:0 Thanks. I think you’re a really great person too!

Blue: You’re my Tumblr crush. KJHGSGAKDHAKYES??????

Cinnamon: You’re a really cool person and I admire you from afar.

You’re like. Really awesome too??? We should really hang out some time! Or at least talk. We probably live in totally different countries so.. Yeah!

Periwinkle: You make me laugh You’re welcome! Also same :DBlush: Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better. I’ll literally go “CV! CV! CV!” In my head like a huge idiot whenever I see you’ve liked a post. Very mutual feeling

Indigo: I’ve been following you for a while. Yeah! We’ve been mutuals for like… 3 months? I’m pretty sure you’re one of the only people who still interacts with me after that long. Fuchsia+Copper: Your content is gold/trash (and I love it).Definitely agree on that one

Honeydew: I want to call you by a nickname. There’s no way it can be shittier than anything my irl friends have come up with. Also you seem like a way too nice person to give shitty nicknames so I’m not stopping you!

Coral: You’re a meme. 👌👌👌👌

Umber: I want to know more about youWe should totally talk sometime!

Razzmatazz: I would share my favorite food with you.I take this as a big compliment because I either have people come to eat my food during lunch (only one person has succeeded and she never brings food herself so.. Can’t let my friends starve) or I’ll try to steal the food of people’s plates during dinner

Arsenic: I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you. Fair. I don’t know how to describe myself either. Mainly “What the hell is this” tbh. You on the other hand. I also don’t know. You’re really great though.

Saffron: I love your ideas.How. What. Which ideas? I literally can’t remember having any sort of good plans

Timberwolf: I trust you.I honestly don’t know if I should say “Horrible idea” or thank youPlum: I’d like to chat with youHell yes. Let’s do this

Chartreuse: You’re my homie. Awww yeeeee.

Burgundy:I get excited when I see your posts.If you count seeing stuff getting liked. Big same

Bonus!:

John: Do you believe in ghosts?Fuck yes. There’s been so many things that could probably have a logical explanation but “ghost” is by far the easiest.

Roxy: What’s your all time favorite video game.

Honestly I have no clue. The only games I’ve actually been able to play myself lately have been Minecraft and Hiveswap because I don’t have anything but my crappy laptop (and an iPad) that I can use to play games on and the fact my mom refuses to buy 9/10 games for me. I also watch a lot of people playing games that I can’t so I can still enjoy them so that just adds on a whole lot. Just like I’ve said about characters in a previous post everything has its ups and downs to take into consideration. Also I’m very bad at deciding on things

Dave: What’s your favorite genre of music? I don’t really listen to a lot of music but whenever I get the chance it’s a kinda mixed up soup of stuff that sounded nice. At the moment I’ve mainly been listening to stuff like gorillaz, tøp, p!atd, etc. My dad also stated the tradition of waking me up by playing music from when he was younger which has also brought some pretty cool stuff.

Karkat: What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? Probably a day? I’m usually told to go to sleep whenever it’s late so I haven’t really been able to stay up at my full extent. It’s not really a great plan to test out though…

Terezi: Do you have a strong leaning towards justice? It depends on the situation. I’ve experienced a lot of people doing stuff that isn’t fair. I guess a quick example could be one of my teachers who send out a kid because HE wasn’t keeping to the rules. That rule being everyone respects everyone. He would call kids by their last name (not standard over here) and went they asked for him not to do so. One of my friends is very touchy about his last name because of his relationship to his father and he absolutely HATES as much as hearing it. The teacher ignored their requests and told them to leave class when they objected to getting called by their last name. He wasn’t even being respectful with the last names. It was like we were prison inmates or something. In these kinds of situations screw the teachers. They might be “above” us but they still need to keep to the rules like everyone else. Now I’ve just gone on another short rant. Sorry. I’m not really sure where I was going with that anymore but in a nutshell: Justice is different in everyone’s eyes

Feferi: Do you have any pets? Yes! My cat Watson. He’s more like a brother to me in all honesty seeing how my parents got him when I was 3-ish. Also one moment he can be the sweetest cuddle buddy while the other moment he doesn’t want to know about your existence. I used to have rats but they sadly don’t live very long. I think I’ve had around 8 in total. Not at the same moment though. They were always in pairs though since rants are group animals and always need a buddy. I had a mouse named Roxy for 2 days. She was a wild mouse that I managed to catch and put in a box. Then she escaped again and made more mice in the walls. Only really mentioning this because 10 year old me already had that name in mind

[moiraineswife]

can you do the ship meme you answered with philippa and whoever else you'd like to answer it for please?

u can indeed!!!!!! i’m going to take advantage of you nonnie and answer this with the last two f/f ships I haven’t done yet. (since I’ve already done Sheala and Triss it seems reasonable to just make things neat and complete) 

Philippa/Yennefer (bc……………yes) 

falls asleep on the couch- Probably Yennefer tbh. Phil has been ranting for a solid 20 minutes about some grievance/scheme/plot/plan/combination of the above and like, pauses for breath/Yennefer’s input only to discover Yennefer dozing in blissful ignorance on the couch in front of her, not taking in a word (Phil would be highly miffed if she didn’t look so adorable in her sleep) 

makes friends with the neighbors- They’d probably mostly keep themselves to themselves but Yennefer will make polite small talk with them if approached by them in the street (and she’ll frog-march Phil away from them if she so much as opens her mouth in their presence…….She will, however, happily allow Phil to aggressively make out with her in front of any neighbours  who disapprove of them, however. The opportunity is just too good to miss (she draws the line at allowing Phil to invite them over for dinner one night, she’s pretty sure they’ll have a heart attack, which is either going to be induced by Phil fingering her at the table or slipping poison into their soup. Depends on her mood.) 

is the adventurous eater- Probably Yennefer. I can see Phil and Yen getting a little restless and travelling quite a lot together. Yennefer would want to try all the delicacies in the new places they were in. (Phil refuses point blank…….unless Yennefer innocently suggests that she can try licking them off of her, then she gets much more interested) 

hogs the covers at night- Tbh they probably both have a tug-of-war every night because they both want them. Phil yanks them off Yen, Yen yanks them off Phil, growling is done, sex is probably had nine times out of ten and then they collapse in a messy heap together, too tired to argue over the covers. Problem solved. 

forgets to do the dishes- Phil. Yen has never described herself as a neat-freak, and never will, but Phil takes messiness to a new level. “I was going to get them eventually, Yenna, don’t fuss.” “Phil, things were breeding on it.” “……..Anyway.” 

tries to surprise their partner more often- Yennefer probably like, makes vague attempts at romantic surprises early on in their relationship and then……gives up. I just can’t see Philippa having a single romantic bone in her body, seriously. Even if she genuinely adores her partner it just…..Doesn’t work. She will make an effort for Yen’s birthdays, though (usually) because she likes being spoiled and fussed over every now and then, and Phil knows that. And when she actually tries she can do the whole romance thing really quite well (she just….doesn’t quite see the point in it. but baby steps, baby steps) 

leaves dirty laundry on the floor- Both of them. It gets aggressively torn off and discarded as they make their way to the bedroom. By the time they’re done with each other, neither of them really feels inclined to tidy up after themselves. (Bonus: Phil wearing Yen’s shirts the next morning (bc i picture Phil being extremely!smol and this image Pleases Me (and Yen))) 

stays up til 2 AM reading- Philippa omg. Yennefer grumbles about it because, ‘Phil, it’s 2am, will you please put the light out and sleep?’ To which the answer is, inevitably, ‘I’ve only got 124 pages left, Yenna, don’t nag.” To which the inevitable answer is Yennefer easing the book out of Phil’s hands, marking the page, closing it and placing it on the bedside table, and kissing her deeply before she can complain. 

sings in the shower- Probably Yennefer. She doesn’t always know all the words and it goes from like, enthusiastically yelling the words to like…vaguely mumbling the bits she doesn’t know…to enthusiastically yelling again. Phil is either deeply amused by this or vaguely irritated, depending on how much sleep she’s had/how sore her head is/how well her latest Scheme is going.) 

takes the selfies- Yennefer probably takes slightly more than Phil but I actually can’t see her going overboard with them? Just a few every now and then at special events and stuff. This is…Another thing that Phil is a bit like ‘No’ on. Unlike the romance thing this is something that she just…Won’t bend on. (She does, grudgingly, allow other people to take their picture for them if they’re out together…and tries not to grimace too much (she inevitably looks like she’s just swallowed a lemon but she insists that she’s trying)) 

plans date night- Hmm, they probably take turns, actually? They get a date about and the other just completely goes with what they want to do and let’s them totally run it. Phil’s are usually fancy restaurants with stunning views that Yenna is just sort of…okay who did you murder to get us in here, Phil? (Philippa just smiles rather disconcertingly, and even more disconcertingly doesn’t answer) Yennefer probably gets tickets to see some performance or other that’s in town and then back to the house for wine, dinner, and sex. 

and finally, the delightful tiny crack!ship interesting to a grand total of me, me, and me: Philippa/Assire: (idk either, i have no explanation, don’t look at me, just go with it) 

falls asleep on the couch- Right, I’m not saying that Assire slipped a light sleeping potion into Philippa’s tea because she hadn’t slept in about three days and Assire was getting worried but….Phil snuggled down and fell fast asleep on the couch about two minutes after finishing the drink Assire sweetly  made for her and insisted she take while it was still hot so like…draw your own conclusions. 

makes friends with the neighbors- Assire makes shy, polite conversation whenever they pass in the street (while repeatedly stamping on Phil’s foot to stop her interjecting with sardonic commentary. She just mutters her comments directly into Assire’s mind via telepathy instead and the poor girl spends the entire thing not to snort with laughter at Phil’s…Insights.)  

is the adventurous eater- Assire adores spicy food, the hotter the better, and she takes great delight in feeding it to Phil every now and then and watching her turn scarlet and reach for a glass of water. Assire isn’t fussy at all, there’s probably a grand total of like three things in the world she doesn’t like, and two of them she will make herself eat to be polite.  

hogs the covers at night- Phil the blanket burrito strikes again. Fortunately, Assire doesn’t really mind this because she always tends to be quite hot at night, and Phil has a nice habit of tugging the covers off of her just as she’s starting to get too hot. So instead of grumbling, Phil gets a grateful little kiss on the side of her head and they both go back to sleep. 

forgets to do the dishes- Philippa. Assire is very neat and very tidy and basically scoops the dishes out from under Philippa the second she’s finished the last bite of her food so that she can wash them up. There is not a spec of dirt anywhere in Assire’s house. (She got so pissy with Phil one time she flew straight in through the window and got rain and feathers EVERYWHERE. Phil has not done so again. One does not piss off Assire, even if one is Philippa Eilhart) 

tries to surprise their partner more often- Omg Assire does but it probably backfires spectacularly because she’s probably just !!! i have a surprise for you! And Phil is all ;) mhm? what might that be? ;) and Assire just, I’ve adopted a cat! And Phil is just……….you have got to be kidding me. And it’s literally the ugliest cat Philippa has ever seen in her entire life, half-chewed off ears, riddled with fleas, matted fur, skinny as anything, but Assire is looking at it like it’s a priceless treasure and telling Phil that she found it outside all alone, with no-one to take care of it. So now they’ve adopted it. And Phil is just like ???? you are too pure how did I ever fall in love with u?(Also Phil is totally allergic to the cat, and it hates her as much as she hates it…but it’s also crafty af like her so it will curl up in her lap and purr and be all over her and Assire is so happy because “look, he likes you Pippa!!” Phil is looking into its demonic yellow eyes knowing full-well it’s only doing this to get her covered in cat hair so she spends all night sneezing. And she just glowers down at it and grinds out through gritted teeth, “Yes, he does, isn’t that lovely?” Meanwhile she’s planning about six different ways to poison it without Assire noticing (she never does but dammit she’s tempted) Also, apparently Assire attracts scheming devil-beasts and somehow manages to tame them? there you are))  

leaves dirty laundry on the floor- Philippa does and Assire gets grumpy (and also the cat sleeps on them, to further infect her with its fluff) So between Assire’s disapproval and the demon-cats scheming, Phil starts tidying up after herself a little more, cursing both of them to high heaven. 

stays up til 2 AM reading- Actually probably both of them? Philippa is probably researching while Assire is reading some fictional book that keeps making her cry (she concludes her research at a reasonable time, the night is devoted to pleasure reading), but they’re both up and in the same room and they both have that kind of ‘I’m starting, I’m finishing it’ type of mentality? (Assire is the one who stops Phil reading though, because her book comes to an end while Philippa gets caught up in an endless circle of checking this and that and the other and Assire just, no reading time is over it’s time for bed now, Philippa)  

sings in the shower- Assire probably sleepily mumbles something without really realising she’s doing it when she takes morning showers (it takes a little while for her to wake up) 

takes the selfies- Probably neither of them, tbh. Assire is too shy and Philippa is too…not bothered. They don’t have very many pictures of themselves, and Assire is always a little bothered by that fact and tries to get more taken of them. Philippa indulges her bc Philippa does not say no to Assire about anything. 

plans date night- Philippa plans them when they actually go out but sometimes Assire will just announce that it’s date night to stop Philippa working. When Assire plans it, it basically just consists of her deciding she’s feeling distinctly underappreciated and she cooks Philippa some nice food and then spends the night sitting on her so that they spend some quality time together with absolutely no interruptions for work/scheming. 

[vicariouseyes]

Massive Ask Meme

I was tagged by @grey-skies-full-moon

Rules: Tag 20 people ((That’s so many... I’ll see what I can do.))

Puttin’ this under a Read More because it’s hella long. 

Your last:

1. Drink: A tropical punch-type juice.

2. Phone Call: I had to call my dentist to reschedule an appointment because my car died and I couldn’t get there.

3. Text message: DJ (s/o), I’m pretty sure.

4. Song you listened to: Uh... It might’ve been something from The Last Five Years, which DJ introduced me to. If I’ve listened to anything since then, I don’t remember.

5. Time you cried: Uh... huh. Probably within the last month or two, but I actually don’t remember. That’s a good sign. Gods, it’s nice to be back on my meds again.

Have You:

6. Dated someone twice: No. That is not a thing I do.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah.

8. Been cheated on: Not that I’m aware of.

9. Lost someone special: Yes.

10. Been depressed: Enough to be medicated for it.

11: Gotten drunk and thrown up: Once.

List 3 Favorite Colors:

12. Teal.

13. Gray.

14: Purple.

In the last year, have you…

15. Made new friends: A couple of acquaintances, but not friends.

16. Fallen out of love: Nope.

17. Laughed until you cried: Oh definitely. That happens all the time.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I mean, friends making references to me and my existence maybe, but not gossip or anything. At least, not that I know of.

19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so...?

20. Found out who your friends are: I mean, I’m well aware of who my friends are.

21. Kissed someone on your FB list: I mean, DJ’s on my facebook list, so yeah, lol.

GENERAL:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: 99% of them. There are two that added me years ago that I just sort of added because fuck it, and we’ve literally never talked, but it’s kind of nice seeing how their lives are doing. I just haven’t had the heart to unfriend them after all this time.

23. Do you have any pets: Not anymore. My parents have a dog, and DJ has a cat, but I don’t have any pets that feel like they’re MY pets, you feel me?

24. Do you want to change your name: I mean... There are two that I would consider for very different reasons, but I’ve gotten so used to my name that switching now would probably be weird.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: DJ and I hung out and got dinner and stuff. My mom also used it as an excuse to have a cookout later in the month, lol.

26. What time did you wake up: I woke up several times last night. If you mean actually stayed awake, probably around 11 or so.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Twitch or sitting on the internet, probably.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: The possibility of moving to Chicago.

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: Last... Monday, I believe.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Financial stability/security.

31. What are you listening to right now: DJ’s mom’s cockatiels chirping. Other than that and the ceiling fan in here, there isn’t really any noise. I WAS listening to a Rooster Teeth Podcast not too long ago while folding laundry, but then I moved to a different room, and haven’t put another one on yet.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Feeling frustrated and lost I guess, but that’s actually started to ease up recently as I’ve been slowly figuring things out. I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s kind of nice.

34. Most visited website: Tumblr, Facebook, Youtube, Twitch. I visit them all pretty equally.

35. Mole/s: Uh... A bunch. Two on my neck, a couple on my chest, several on my arms, maybe one or two on my legs, and one other one.

36. Mark/s: I’ve currently got some scars thanks to Nugget (DJ’s cat), but those’ll probably go away sooner or later, as with any other scars or bruises I’ve ever picked up. The only lasting scar I have is on the bridge of my nose. When I was 5 or so, I tried to feed my uncle’s Very Large Dog, Snowball, a piece of ham. He was very excited about the ham, and I was very small. Wasn’t his fault, and I never blamed him for it. Honestly, I’ve kind of grown to really like that scar. It’s distinctive.

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a horse until I was 5 and found out you couldn’t do that (lmao). I wanted to be a vet after that until I was 11 or 12 and realized I was very squeamish around gore. I wanted to be a zoologist after that all the way up until freshman year of college, after which my goals changed, and are still currently evolving. There was also DEFINITELY a point where I wanted to host my own Animal Planet show, a la Steve Irwin or Jeff Corwin.

38. Hair color: It’s currently a light/medium auburn. I tried dyeing purple over it, but it didn’t stick for very long. Naturally, it’s a medium/dark brown with some red in it.

39. Long or short hair: My hair is actually currently the shortest it’s been since 2008, and it’s still a little below shoulder length. I’m used to having very long hair, but my hair is prone to damage and split ends, and tangles, and is also very thin. Getting half of it chopped off has helped immensely. It looks much healthier.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: Nah.

41. What do you like about yourself: Hm. I’m kind, thoughtful, generally try to be helpful, tactful, reasonably intelligent, and musically talented.

42. Piercings: None. Not really a fan of them, tbh. I think I’d look good with a monroe or madonna piercing, but it would irritate my gums too much. 

43. Blood type: A negative.

44: Nicknames: Sabs is the only one I get even remotely regularly anymore.

45. Relationship status: Happily taken.

46. Zodiac: Cancer / Horse.

47. Pronouns: She/her, I guess. I probably wouldn’t really care about any of them, tbh.

48. Favorite TV show(s): Hm. Community, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Parks and Rec, maybe The Goldbergs, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls... There’s probably more. I’m not even going to include anime, because that list is way longer.

49. Tattoos: I currently have one on my left wrist. I think I’d like to get full sleeves eventually. I’m still planning out some of the designs. Also, you know, tattoos are expensive.

50. Right or left hand: Right. 

51. Surgery: I’ve had x-rays, ultrasounds, dental work, but never a surgery. I’d like to keep it that way, but something tells me my dentist is going to harp on me about not getting my wisdom teeth removed.

52. Hair dyed a different color: I’ve been dyeing my hair since I was 11. I guarantee there are some people who’ve never seen my natural hair color.

53. Sports: I am Bad At Those.

54. Vacation: I’ve only ever been on a couple in my life (California to visit my aunt when I was 13, St. Louis in high school for the band/choir trip. Chicago every once in a while to visit friends, but I don’t know if I’d call that a vacation, per se). I’d love to go a TON of places.

55. Shoes: I’ve mostly been wearing flip flops lately, flats if I need to be dressy. But that’s because it’s hot and humid right now. Ohio air is like soup. It’s the worst. I prefer boots of all types, and some tennis shoes/sneakers.

56. Eating: I’m about to go make a leftover taco or two. I want to go get something somewhere, but... financial responsibility. *sigh*

57. Drinking: I had some juice earlier. Will probably have more, or water.

58. I’m about to: Go make those tacos I was talking about.

59. Waiting for: Things to finally start moving in the right direction.

60. Want: To win the lottery. It would fix 90% of my problems. Also, to find out what’s wrong with me, but the doctors’ appointments and lab work should solve that.

61. Get married: I’d like to eventually, but I’m in no particular rush. I got engaged once before, and it ended horrifically. I mean, I’ve certainly got high hopes for this one, but I, again, am in no particular rush.

62. Career: I do some freelance editing currently, but it’s not enough to pay the bills. I’d like to get into full-time editing, web development (which I’m currently learning how to do), or, ideally, being a full-time Twitch streamer would really suit me, but I like streaming just because. I would just like to do it more often.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

65. Shorter or taller: Taller, I guess? It really doesn’t matter to me either way.

66. Older or younger: Doesn’t matter, within reason.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms, maybe. Don’t super care about either.

68. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive, I guess.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. I’d rather not have to deal with cops, if at all possible.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: Once, that I recall.

72. Drank hard liquor: Yup. I don’t drink as much these days, but it’s still fun from time to time.

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lose my glasses all the damn time. Accidentally left them at my parents’ house the last time I was over, so I’m gonna have to go get those back soon.

74. Turned someone down: Yeah.

75. Sex on first date: It has happened.

76. Broken someone’s heart: Yeah.

77. Had your heart broken: Yes.

78. Been arrested: No.

79. Cried when someone died: Very much so, even seven years later.

80. Fallen for a friend: I mean, that’s usually the case. I don’t tend to date people if I’m not already friends with them first. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: That answer changes from day to day. It’s better than it used to be.

82. Miracles: Maybe? I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know the exact definition of what constitutes a miracle.

83. Love at first sight: I think people can have Interest at First Sight, or, like, I Think I’m Compatible with This Person Probably at First Sight, but true, actual, lasting love? No. That develops over time and requires work to sustain.

84. Santa Claus: St. Nicholas was absolutely a real person.

85. Kiss on the first date: Again, it has happened.

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: I have several. I know that defeats the purpose of a “best friend,” but I consider most of my close friends family at this point. I suppose I’d have to say DJ, in that case.

87. Eye color: Light grayish-blue. Some days it looks more one color than the other. Depends on what I’m wearing.

88. Favorite movie: Well, the only three movies I’m generally able to watch multiple times (and have) are Scott Pilgrim, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Repo! The Genetic Opera. I’ve also seen all the Harry Potter movies several times. There are a ton of movies I’ve enjoyed, though. I just usually don’t have the attention span to watch them.

tagging: @theifbaby @patillojack @gordona424 @octoberspirit @legendxofxzach Uh...I don’t know if I can think of 15 more. I’ll tag @nwinchester94 too, even though I haven’t heard from her in a long time. :(

[aparoxysm]

yo yo tell me bout ian, josephine, kyle &&& helena??? or whoever you want!!

Ian’s done! 

__________________________________________________

01. Full name:

Josephine Melody Adler

02. Best friend:

A girl named Alex who has always been bigger and brighter than her, more adventurous and all-round more confident. She kind of knew she was going to get left behind one day but it still hurt when Alex randomly decided she wanted to be an actress and ditched her for LA.

03. Sexuality:

Undecided fully, but I think straight.

04. Favorite color:

Earthy tones

05. Relationship status:

2 awkward, has no chill, & probably just settles for dating burritos instead. but she is also comfortably a loner so.

06. Ideal mate:

Someone she can take on adventures, someone she can convince that art makes the world go round, someone who will happily suffer her netflix addiction & will let her eat her weight in nuggets. Someone who isn’t afraid to support her and push her towards being ambitious, someone who accepts that sometimes they have to be the one to make the move, someone who is willing to put up with her selfdepreciating jokes without getting all in her face about how she should take more credit. Someone with a good sense of humor, because she is all about bad or awkward jokes.

07. Turn-ons:

Art, rapid fire conversation, pop cult references, spontaneity, not being the one to have to make the first move.

08. Favorite food:

Happy Meals.

09. Crushes:

Ferris Bueller.

10. Favorite music:

Anything by The Smiths or like, Bon Jovi probably.

11. Biggest fear:

Not amounting to anything.

12. Biggest fantasy:

Finding something she wants to go to school for and being good at it.

13. Bad habits:

Not texting back, being generally disconnected from the world for long periods of time, zoning out, making bad jokes at awkward timing, digging herself a grave in conversation, giving her heart out to people who super don’t deserve it.

14. Biggest regret:

Every day of her life she isn’t doing something amazing.

15. Best kept secrets:

She’s a damn well talented artist, but she’s very private about it. She doesn’t think she’s  very good at all, and the competition at college was too much, it really got her down. So she keeps it all tucked away.

16. Last thought:

She boasted, but it was clear her talk held no real confidence. She’d somehow just thrown her dad and porn together in the same sentence; there was no way she was ever NOT going to be the weird kid around here at this rate.

17. Worst romantic experience:

Probably any time she’s ever gone after a guy, and it’s failed so hard you just want to put a pillow over your face and suffocate yourself to get out of all that second-hand embarrassment.

18. Biggest insecurity:

That she’s wasting her life away being unsure.

19. Weapon of choice:

Targetting someone’s deepest fear in the heat of the moment then instantly regretting it.

20. Role Model:  

Glen Keane.

__________________________________________________

01. Full name:

Kyle Alexander Murphey (I gave him a last name once and i legitimiately cannot remember it smh @ me)

02. Best friend:

Penny Owens, @deliicatepoiise.

03. Sexuality:

Straight & Awkward.

04. Favorite color:

Red.

05. Relationship status:

Always falling for the girls that never see him :’).

06. Ideal mate:

Someone fun, someone easy to talk to and lets him love them unconditionally. Also someone who likes star wars, ideally.

07. Turn-ons:

Girls liking Star Wars. Girls talking about Star Wars. Girls talking. Girls. B)

08. Favorite food:

Fries. He literally will not stop eating them until you take them away from him.

09. Crushes:

Carrie Fisher, is that even a question. Also like, a bit Harrison Ford too because yknow.

10. Favorite music:

Weezer, Blink 182 & Bowling For Soup.

11. Biggest fear:

His mom never finding someone to settle down with. He just wants her to be happy so bad it hurts.

12. Biggest fantasy:

That one day he’ll stop liking the girls who literally don’t even know he exists.

13. Bad habits:

Talking too much, making star wars references, hogging the popcorn at the movies, wearing his sweaters inside out and not noticing until much, much later, being a bit oblivious to crucial things.

14. Biggest regret:

That he never took that big road trip with his friends when it was offered to him because he was afraid of leaving his mom with nobody to help her out.

15. Best kept secrets:

Nothing, he is literally an open book tbh.

16. Last thought:

Kyle raised a few fingers, feeling a cold chill run down his back. A Michael Scott meme came to mind —- but Kyle cleared his throat instead as Sarah jogged her way up the path into his arms.

17. Worst romantic experience:

Being miserably in love with his best friend and her having no clue forever because he is so dumb.

18. Biggest insecurity:

That he’s never going to do a Great Big Anything.

19. Weapon of choice:

Satirical Wit.

20. Role Model:  

Obi Wan Kenobi, tbh.

__________________________________________________

01. Full name:

Helena Wilson, no middle names for the Wilson kids.

02. Best friend:

James Anderson, @dimpsandhoes.Renata Bourgeois, @prinxerps.Gully Wilson.

03. Sexuality:

Pansexual

04. Favorite color:

Purple / Teal / Black

05. Relationship status:

Well, she’s been polyamorous for the last five years pretty much. Sprinkled with a bit of a failed monogomous relationship with Jay, and now trying to commit to monogomy with James and idk how long it will last. She’s very self destructive.

06. Ideal mate:

Someone chill and down to earth, someone who believes in feminism, and wont try to change her or anybody around them for idealistic views. Someone modern, someone open minded, someone who likes art and things being a little unpredictable. Someone who doesn’t believe in fixing things or people, someone who appreciates the broken in others.

07. Turn-ons:

Bad kareoke, no bras, smoking & drinking, casual body language, touching, kissing, sharing cigarettes, talking about culturalism, being open and honest, tattoos.

08. Favorite food:

Street empanadas.

09. Crushes:

Joan Jett.

10. Favorite music:

Cat Stevens, Joan Jett & Dorothy.

11. Biggest fear:

Being repressed.

12. Biggest fantasy:

Being in a comfortable, good open relationship and things never changing.

13. Bad habits:

Heavy drinking, binge drinking, day drinking, being too stubborn or head strong, being overly opinionated, being aggressive, opting out of conversations she doesn’t want to have, closing herself off.

14. Biggest regret:

Dating.

15. Best kept secrets:

That she knows she’s an alcoholic & still won’t do anything about it.

16. Last thought:

She was a wild spirit, the artistic kind who believed in casual nudity and obscene self-expressionism. In truth, she scared a lot of people off.

17. Worst romantic experience:

Anything probably involving Jay. @tehkatieofrps. They are just so ??? Bad for each other????

18. Biggest insecurity:

That her family’s kind of drifting apart the older they all get and it’s never going to be as wholesome as it used to be, back when Hugh wasn’t in jail and her and Jake could actually be in the same room as each other.

19. Weapon of choice:

Avoidance.

20. Role Model:  

Joan Jett, Gloria Steinem, Ellen Page, Cher.