#also i dont think anyone might send anymore but in case anyone is just seeing this no more pls

[t4transsexual]

Just a heads up, on their other account @/mediacorvid they are now trying to claim that you guys have a witch hunt against them and they are still playing the victim card, supposedly they have “receipts” of them being abused by your friend

thanks for this. you also send an ask correcting yourself to @media-corvid , the new account of the person who abused my friend

im gonna let my friend rest for now, as they need it and their abuser has blocked me

they apparently sent some verbal abuse towards my friend who blocked them, so they might post some screenshots but just like. the main purpose of that post was to express that my friend is innocent and was reacting to being abused at absolute worst (though they couldve been meaner i think. my friend was way too nice to them)

so if anyone wants to spread the word, or direct anybody to the initial post i made, you can, my friends biggest concern is not being harrassed by the people this person sends their way to further abuse them since their initial abuse isnt working as well anymore. as long as my friend isnt getting harrassed moreso than just by this loser (which seems to be true as of now) then we're all good

but like, media-corvid, if you do see this, you do realize you could just not post, right? like, my friend wasnt gonna post about you anyway lol. they hardly use social media. you brought this upon yourself, you could just not post lies about my friend after you abused them and no ones gonna "witchhunt you" (hold you accountable) anymore. which seems like a pretty sweet deal to me

also i will say i noticed that you run (ran? lol) a support page for people with personality disorders, which i would really support but unfortunately you are the problem lol so im gonna kindly ask that you dont do that

quick edit: original link to the callout post with the DARVO breakdown here: https://www.tumblr.com/t4transsexual/751760461123420160/oh-absolutely-not-you-severely-abused-them-for

edit two: now tagging everything as #corvid controversy, in case anyone was interested in the full thing

[baconcolacan]

Hello again, thanks for answering! It almost gave me something when I asked the question, but now I think it's not as scary as before, well I have more questions! I'm sorry if there are many, and I apologize if my English is not very good.

1- Ok, we know that R!Tord would keep memories in case R!Tom died, but in the future no one would wonder who was that person for the Red Leader? I mean, the recordings, the painting, the monument and having a country blown to pieces out of nowhere? I guess people would think it was the Red Leader's couple, right?

2- What would be the reaction of the generals if R!Tord had told them the reason why he wants R!Tom?

3- Why I think that the one who is going to end up killing General Weth is going to be R!Tom?

4- The red soldiers are not going to wonder why R!Tom is still alive?

5- I know that this question will probably be answered in future chapters, but will R!Tom be able to freely roam the base? And please tell me that R!Tord will give R!Tom some clothes so he doesn't freeze to death.

6- What would be the reaction of Hillarson and the old unit of R!Tom to see that the Red Leader is "In Love" with R!Tom (I say "in love" because that is not love)

7- Where are Susan and Tomme Bear?

8- In some future we will see Mark and Eduardo?

Oh! and My girlfriend and my friend are proud that I sent you the questions,because they know that I am a very nervous girl and they probably knew that I would never send the questions, by the way my friend has one:

Now ask him how I can force my friend to see regimen and if he answers the comment, I read regimen.

Thank you for taking your time to answer my previous questions, Take care of yourself!

Ayyeee! Hi bud! Its nice to see that you dont think its scary to ask me things anymore hahaha answers below!

Well, people will wonder why Tom was so important, but I think they wouldn't really press for details in fear of Red Leader lashing out. Still, some will suspect that he was a lost love or some such, not that they'd try to confirm it anyway.

Well, shock, most of all, but they won't linger on it too much. RL's whims are very erratic, so at this point they would have already been used to it. So the shock will only last for a moment then they'll just accept it.

Hm, dunno.

They will. But you know. See above.

Hmmm. You'll have to wait for that :]

Hilarson would have a fit, because he knows how bad it would be to have RL's undivided, obsessive, attention. Same goes with Tom's old unit, which I hope you mean the 9th Norway Corps, as they would also do whatever they can to keep Tom away from the RA.

Susan is at home, Tommee bear might be as well.

Uhhhhh, well, I dont believe so, as Regimen will focus mainly on Tom and the other guys.

HAHAHAHA AND NO PROBS CHUM! I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to ask me questions :D

And as for what your friend said, I dont think I can force anyone to read the fic ahahaha, Im not that kind of dude. People can choose whether or not they want to read Regimen, as the story does deal with darker topics, so I wouldn't want to make somebody uncomfortable if they dont like what the tags say :PP

Thanks for stopping by again!!

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

ok nobody asked me to elaborate but heres my pjo a(ro)spec headcanons

piper: aromantic lesbian

the whole false memories thing with juno made shit SO difficult to figure out

like she was a 16yro girl, already struggling to figure out her place in the world vis a vi being nattive, being mixed, being adhd and dyslexic, and then her baby aro lesbian ass gets fake memories of a boyfriend?? 

her thing with jason was the biggest instance comphet+compallo attraction in existence okay

its not until piper gets away from the questing/camper life and subsequently, the aphrodite cabin, that she starts realising how she feels about romance and re-evaluating some stuff 

considering her relationship with shel, i see her as romance positive/favourable but she defo has some complex feelings going on there

speaking of, piper was so focused on the revelation that she was aro that it took her a while to figure out she was lesbian too 

she kind of assumed she was some flavour of ace for a while but other sapphics around camp clocked her and gently nudged her towards the realisation of ‘yes you dont feel that way about guys. but have you considered: women?’

piper: i thought not wanting to date anyone meant i didnt want to kiss anyone, but... i think.. i want to kiss girls 

piper bolting awake at 3am after a dream about her time on the argo ii: oh shit i totally was into annabeth wasnt i? 

leo: aromantic bi demi-grey-asexual 

oh gods leo valdez 

he has zero fucking clue he’s anything but straight and allo until reyna casually mentionsn one day that her and a lot of the other hunters are asexual 

he’s only ever heard of gay, bi and lesbian so he asks reyna what ‘asexual’ means 

cue the most epiphany prompting conversation of leo’s life

leo voice: wait so you’re telling me that there are some people who just like, arent interesting in sex, at all? and not only that, but ppl can feel that way about romance too? 

once terms like demi and grey start getting thrown around too he kinda has a freak out and reyna sends him off with a book abt asexuality and aromanticism + some awkward advice 

three months of introspection and more than a few breakdowns later leo figures out that hes aro, hes demi-grey-ace, and that that is most likely why his relationship with calypso didnt exactly work out 

(he also thinks the terms cupioromantic and/or quoiromantic/sexual might aply to him but hes not wholly sure) 

just like piper he had some major compallo going on, he just thought being ‘girl crazy’ was how guys his age were supposed to act and never questioned why it felt like more of a joke for him rather than his true feelings

he figures out the bi part once he goes to college and is like cmon man i already had one sexuality crisis do i really gotta do this shit again

jason: aromantic straight demisexual 

jason wasnt raised with as much allo/amatonormativity as other ppl bc he was literally raised by wolves then the legion, but juno yoinking his memories kinda fucked with that 

once again, serious case of compallo in regards to piper, he knew he found her pretty and liked her as a friend and didnt understand for a long time that a crush was supposed to be ‘different’ or ‘more than that’ 

jason struggles with his sense of identity and definitely has this strong heroic leader persona he puts up and well, the hero always gets the girl doesnt he? 

he died before he got the chance to really figure out that he was a(ro)spec (and that there were words for what he was feeling) but he knew he felt different about romance and sex than most other teens 

the fact that he was more worried about them not being friends anymore rather than losing his girlfriend when piper broke up with him kinda tipped him off 

he did have some pretty big queerplatonic feelings for both piper and leo though which in hindsight kind of explains, other than the trauma, why he bonded with them so quickly 

annabeth: biromantic asexual 

a decent number of athena kids are aspec (their mom literally conceives via a ‘meeting of intelligent minds’, no sex required at all) so she kinda slot herself pretty easily into the ‘asexual’ label after realising that despite dating percy for literal years, she had zero interesting in getting more ‘physical’ with him

(percy is allo but doesnt give a shit about sex if annabeth doesnt give a shit about it. he’s just happy to be close to her) 

precisely because of the fact that’d she’d been dating percy for years meant that figuring out the biromantic part took ages lmao 

it feels really obvious to her in hindsight 

annabeth: ‘oh gods percy i had a crush on thalia, i had a crush on clarisse, i had a flirtationship with piper, i almost had a crush on reyna’

percy, in the middle of his own bi crisis: i know the feeling wisegirl 

she doesnt really,, do much?? after figuring out shes bi, annabeth’s already happily in a committed , monogamous relationship, but it feels nice for her to have learned something new about herself 

overall i see her as sex neutral/indifferent, she doesnt hate the idea but its not something she’d really intentionally seek out

as mentioned, percy is pretty sex neutral/indifferent (but like, in the allo way) too so the two of them just never really bother lol 

quickfire bonus round: 

reyna, evidently, is our canon allo-ace queen. this isnt a headcanon i just like reminding people :) she’s also bi/pan oriented (she uses both terms interchangeably) 

thalia is aroace and has never once gotten what all the hype is about, she assumed people were joking or like at least overexaggerating when they talked about romance and sex 

artemis/diana is also aroace obviously (apollo is pan tho, theyre twins they balance each other out) 

frank is demisexual n straight

calypso is demisexual and demi-lithromantic, pan oriented 

travis stoll is allo-ace, connor stoll is aro-allo, they think this is hilarious

magnus chase is also greyromantic and demisexual, bi oriented 

ok im done 

[desiresign]

♣️uuu

You’re my: FRIEND GENO!!!!!!!!!!!!

How I met you: well in 2020 just barey before pandemic, i thought to myself, "well this person, everyone is mutuals with. time to trap this one in the snerver dimension" and in this day and age i would probably never do this but it led to being friends with you (and also puns) so its awesome

Why I follow you: YOURE MY FRIEND

Your blog is: umm awesome song of time for the description, and also the silly spider bud background. good at aesthetically pleasing themes for colors

Your URL is: i always always always read genoclear as rhyming with/being nuclear. like radioactive.

Your icon is: (guy who only knows the villian status effect from library of ruina) getting real villian vibes form this one

A random fact I know about you: auuu auu hmm things so hard but i swear i think one time i was lurking on one of my old blogs to observe the questionable quality and i think i reblogged a post from you before i knew you... also the fact that somehow you know of several people who i used to know/heard of years ago is still really funny. why do you know everyone on the internet

General opinion: MY DEAR FRIEND PRINCE you always have good takes and are a very good friend to have. and play games for us(the audience) to enjoy and your cat goes "rrrrgr" and just in general awesome

A random thought I have: my cat is obsessed with water from the sink. not to drink, but to watch it as it goes down the drain. and so i just went to go wash my hands and she tries to jump up on the counter right where the bowl of the sink is. since she came running so fast she didnt get a good job and was hanging there awkwardly for a second with her claws out before dropping to the floor like in the lion king

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

The Kirby series as a whole for the fandom ask?

this is a good one! i was hoping someone would ask me it >///>

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:

tough one, i like a lot of characters for different reasons. if you really force me to choose though it's dedede and meta. this makes me look biased towards metadede however LOL so if you really really make me choose between those two it's dedede

Least Favorite character:

i don't have any least favorites, mostly it's just people i know nothing about. in which case its all of the animal friends and actually, just generally everyone from the dreamland games and 64. pyribbit is an exception to this however fuck that dude

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

- metadede >_> andd that's the only thing i really brainrot over but other stuff i like: - morphogala 🥺 - magoranza :) - chilly/burning leo. listen i blame my server and the starlight theatre novel for making me feel this way - meta knight/sir arthur from the anime. this is my crackship that i never talk about and never will talk about LOL. also ive seen more than several people hc arthur as meta's dad so im just gonna. hide in this corner by myself. its okay i dont mind - this is 6 but also on the topic of the anime, meta/knuckle joes dad is also good. mmmmmmmm angst who doesnt love angst

Character I find most attractive:

hahahahahahaha that’s classified

Character I would marry:

BUT. dedede. i would also take zan, those two are tied

Character I would be best friends with:

kinda hard to answer this. maybe also dedede? honestly anyone who i could just walk into their house and crash and dump stupid questions and convos on

a random thought:

i think kirby would feel like raw bread dough after the first prove. very specific, but its always what crosses my mind when i make bread 🤔

An unpopular opinion:

in this fandom... uh, i like the anime. fun to watch to take up time and if you’re not coming in expecting what you get from the games, lore and character development wise. it has its own charm

My Canon OTP:

no ones together in this series djkfdhg. rick and pick i guess? i think theyre cute

My Non-canon OTP:

this was already covered in the 5 favorite ships section so boom this is a metadede free space now. dedede likes to call meta pet names that are the names of pastries and desserts, but they get so ridiculous and specific that neither of them can take it seriously anymore. in fact, now its a challenge to make them as ridiculous as possible

Most Badass Character:

exact same answer as the favorite character question for this one. different characters are badass in their own ways for different reasons. but also meta and dedede again 🤦‍♂️ 

Most Epic Villain:

STAR DREAM. i went into robobot already knowing about the game and the plot twist for star dream but the reveal and the lead up is still so damn good.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

i dont super like saying, so turning this into another unpopular opinion question. i just remembered i had one that might actually be a hot take now. sometimes seeing all character dynamics reduced to traditional family relationships is tiring. like no i genuinely like it still but ah everyone being turned into straight parent/child relationships feels very strange to me. i dont really get it myself

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

taranza. i went into triple deluxe from already being in the fandom for a bit, so only going off his fanon interpretation, and i was surprised at how little taranza really did anything and that he didnt even have much dialogue. underwhelming, though thats prob my own fault, but i still feel like they couldve done more with him in that game. also in general hal, hal please let him move on oh my gosh

Favourite Friendship:

say it with me guys. fifth time. its meta and dedede. i am so sorry i am brainrotting over them so hard lmao BUT. despite my shipping bias i like their base friendship more than anything else. frankly, their relationship in general just feels more satisfying to me cause you know they had to go through so much bullshit and hating each others guts to get to that point. having to work to get to know someone you hate and get along with them cause the universe keeps putting you in situations that force you into it, then finding out you have more in common than you think >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> MMMMMMMMM

Character I most identify with:

prob my interp of dark meta. chill but likes to mess with people and be a minor asshole cause its funny. not saying that i try to be an ass but also i would be the type of person to say hey. come here. lean in a bit. bitch. and then laugh myself to tears over it

Character I wish I could be:

........zan. for reasons stated in the last zan ask. i care her 🥺

[nagito-kissmaeda]

Stay For a While - Komaeda x Reader

Summary: You've been sitting across from this guy in the library every thursday for months now. You really should just tell him you love him and get it over with.

AKA: You spend the night at Nagito's house after your late lecture. and things get..........steamy

Word count: 8709 Contains: fem reader, no pronouns usage, explict sexual content Read on AO3 

ミ☆ Please send me a DM or an ask if you’d like me to write something for you!

You have feelings for the guy who sits across from you in the library. There is a three hour gap between your afternoon lecture and your evening tute, but you live too far away to go home and rest, so you usually grab a quick dinner and then park yourself at the small desk by the window for an hour or two. He is always already there. It’s embarrassing how your heart does a little flip every time to round the bookshelf and see him pouring over assignments, secretly you worry that one day he won't be there anymore. You don’t know what you’ll do with yourself if that happens.

Today he has a book open next to him, he's jotting down quotes in a notepad. His pale hand is stained with black ink from his ballpoint pen, and you are mesmerised by the subtle movement in his knuckles. The setting sun is cascading in through the window, and it catches in his unruly white hair, making it glow orange. He has it up in a messy bun today, it’s really cute. Luckily he’s too engrossed in his work to notice you looking at him, you try to be subtle, you really do. Browsing your phone and only occasionally flitting your eyes up to look at him, you don't even know his name.

His brow furrows and he crosses out his last note, tapping the end of his pen against his lips. They’re very full lips. You swallow and avert your eyes, turning back to your phone and mindlessly scrolling through instagram. Friends have told you to just ask the guy out for coffee or something, but you didn't know how to even start broaching that subject, Hey guy. Wanna grab a drink? Maybe tell me your name sometime? You frown, your leg bouncing restlessly under the table. You’ve been sitting across from this guy for three months now, every thursday, the fact that you haven't even bothered trying to talk to him is just proof of your own incompetence-

“Hey.” A voice says. Soft and calm. You brain stutters when you realise it was him .

“Oh...uh…” you’re picking off the nail polish on your left hand, a bad nervous habit, “Hello…”

“I bought a soda from the vending machine this morning, but it dispensed five…” a can clinks down on the desk in front of you, you’re too busy staring at the way his long fingers grip the top of it, “do you want one?”

You don't really like Dr Hopper, but he doesn't need to know that, “Sure. Thank you.”

He gives you a polite smile and cracks his can open, taking a long sip. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat, you have to actually tear your eyes away from him. Your knee is bouncing faster. The pull tab on the can is hard to navigate with your sweaty and shaky hands, but you manage to get it open.

“Shit…” you mutter, the soda fizzes over a little. Not enough to make a real mess, but it does get all over your thumb, you pull your thumb up to your mouth in an attempt to clean the soda off before it gets all sticky. As you do so, you sneak another look up at the guy. His eyes are glued to where your lips are meeting your skin. His cheeks are pink. There’s a rush of warmth from your heart down to your stomach, the deep orange sun is crossing his left collarbone, you want to trace it with your tongue.  

“Sorry…” He breathes, giving you an uneasy smile, “It’s been jostling around in my bag for a few hours. That was probably my fault.”

“It’s really fine.”

He picks his pen up and goes back to working. You can see his notes pretty easily, without seeming like you’re peeking. His handwriting is messy, but still very legible. The ink stains on his hand are only getting worse as he goes on. When he shifts his feet below the table you can feel how close his legs are to yours, it's a big desk, but he has long legs. You wonder idly how much taller than you he is, he usually leaves before you do. You dont think you’ve ever both been standing at the same time. All of a sudden, the chill of the library gets to you. It was a decently warm day when the sun was out, but now that it is getting dark that’s starting to change. The blouse you are wearing is cute, but it’s also off the shoulder and you are beginning to feel cold. Your phone clunks loudly when you drop it on the desk, freeing your hands to rub some warmth into your arms, the sun is almost behind the horizon now, it’s going to be a cold walk home after class.

“Are you cold?”

You turn back from the window to see the guy looking at you, “huh?”

“I know you probably don’t want someone like me bothering you, but you…” He runs a hand through his hair, it makes it look even messier, “you look like you’re cold.”

“Oh, I mean. Yeah, I forgot how quickly it gets dark this time of year.” You laugh, “I didn't really dress for the weather.”

He tilts his head to the side, your heart is pounding, “You didn't bring a coat?” he asks

You shake your head slowly, unsure where this is going. Hoping it’s going in the direction you want it to.

Then, he stands up. Shaking his coat off his shoulders, revealing forearms so pale and thin you could wrap your whole hand around them. Your heartbeat is so loud you can hear it in your ears as he walks around the table to you. He is so close to you, he’s never been this close before.

“Here.” He says, passing the coat into your arms. It’s warm, “You can borrow this, if you don't mind wearing my gross clothes.”

It isn’t gross. It smells like chamomile soap and fresh laundry, “No I don't mind. Um, thank you.”

You slide out of your chair and stand up so you can put the coat on. He is at least a head taller than you, maybe more. You feel your knees wobble when you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, they are a lot greener up close. Any words that you might have said are frozen in your throat as you slip your arms through the coat, your fingers barely stick out past the cuffs.

“It’s a little big for you, but that’s to be expected.”

“No, it’s fine. I like it.”

“I hope i'm not overstepping any boundaries but...it looks good on you.”

You’re burning up, stomach twisting, “It... feels good on me.”

“Oh…” He mutters, quickly forcing a nervous laugh, “Well, i'm sure anything would look good on anyone as beautiful as you.”

Holy shit .

“Are you...flirting with me?” you whisper, burying your hands in the pockets of his coat and trying to make yourself seem smaller, “Or am I imagining it?”

He freezes, you can see his hands tensing up. You worry for a moment that you had been imagining it and that now you’ve made everything weird.

“ Was I flirting…?” He gives you a gentle smile, “Huh...I guess i was? Unless you didn't want me to, i don't want to presume-”

“No!” you say a little too loudly, shocking him into silence, “keep-uh...you can keep doing it.” His eyebrows jump up at that, but then settle back down into his calm expression, you are picking at your nail polish again, if only to give your nervous hands something to do, “Can i ask for your name? We’ve been sitting together for so long now and i’ve never asked…”

“Nagito” He breathes, and it fits him perfectly. A smile breaks out on your face before you can stop it. You give him your name in return and he repeats it back, like he is testing how it feels on his tongue, “Pretty name.” He says, you can hear that his breathing is shaky, “It suits you.”

Like he is trying to run away before his most recent compliment finally hits you, he walks back around to his side of the desk and starts grabbing his books. He crouches down on the ground and starts shoving them into his stachel, looking up at you from his spot on the floor, “I finish class at seven. Will you be around?”

“Ah, no. Sorry, I don't finish until nine.”

“Oh, your classes run really late.” He stands up and slings the bag over his shoulder.

“Do you want your coat back now?” You say, already moving to take it off. He strides over to you, and pulls it back over your shoulders, looking at you very seriously.

“I’m not letting you walk home in the cold without it.” his hands feel warm and firm on your shoulders, you never want him to pull away, “I can walk you home, you can give it back when you get inside.”

Your heart flutters at his suggestion. Imagining walking with him in the dark, your fingers brushing against his knuckles....you’re burning up again, “I live outside the city so i have to catch the train, but you can walk me to the station if you want? I mean, if you’re happy to wait until nine.”

He smiles, and your heart curls at the edges. You feel all buttery and warm inside.

“I’ll be right here.”

~*~*~

He is still there. You’d been worrying for the past few hours that he would be gone when you came back, that he would have changed his mind. A few people noticed the coat, and that it clearly wasn't yours. Sonia, the intimidatingly beautiful exchange student who usually sits next to you, was tittering politely behind a hand when she noticed it. When you asked what was so funny, she turned serious and told you it was nothing, but you could see a playfulness in her eyes. You wonder if she also noticed how much your leg was bouncing and that you wouldn't stop looking at the clock.

“Hello.” He says with a smile as you round the bookshelf, his already sleepy eyes even softer than usual. He’s playing something on a nintendo switch, it sounds like Animal Crossing, you recognise the 9pm music.

You smile back, “Hey. You good to go?”

“Oh yes!” He says enthusiastically, slotting the switch into a fabric case and zipping it up. He stands up and slings his bag over his shoulder, “Which station do you leave from?”

You start heading out of the library and he falls into step beside you, his arm almost brushing against yours. You shove your hands in the pocket of his coat to keep yourself from doing anything rash, “Central Station. It’s fifteen minutes away.”

“At least it isn’t too far. You won’t have to put up with me for too long.” He punctuates the end of the sentence with a laugh. The in person version of adding ‘lol’ to the end of a text to soften it.

The glass doors whoosh open as you step outside, you look up at him, “why do you keep doing that?” You ask. The city is slick with the aftermath of recent rain, the lights reflecting off the puddles on the sidewalk. It’s a cold, but admittedly beautiful night.

“Doing what?”

“Talking about yourself like that.” You stop at a crosswalk to wait for the lights, “Like you’re trying to convince me to make you leave.”

He laughs again, it’s less convincing this time, “Don’t misunderstand! I’m not trying to make you do anything, I just don’t want you thinking you have to spend any time with me if you don’t want to.”

“If I didn’t want to spend time with you. I wouldn’t.” The light at the crossing turns green, and you start heading further down the street. Nagito is following beside you. You thought it was pretty obvious that you are interested in him, in every sense of the word, but he either seems to have not noticed, or not believed it, “are you enjoying Animal Crossing?”

“I am!” He says, beaming widely, “I just finished catching the last fish today, now I'm breeding flowers.”

“Oh wow, you have all the fish already? You must be really lucky.”

He laughs, playing nervously with a strand of hair that didn't get caught up in his bun, “I guess??”

“I’ve been working on a kitchen, but I still don't have any of the damn ironwood set. I haven't found a fridge either.” You huff and notice that your breath appears white and wispy before you. It’s even colder than you thought it would be, “I just have a bunch of appliances all over the floor for now.”

“I think my housemate might have a fridge.” Nagito says, tapping his lips with a finger as he tries to remember, “No ironwood though. If I get him to mail me a fridge I can pass it onto you.” His mouth pulls into a nervous smile, and you notice him picking at a loose string at the hem of his shirt, “I mean, if you’re happy to give me your friend code.”

“No, uh...that sounds good. I can give you my code when we get to the station if my switch isn't dead yet.” You take a left down a back alley, it isn't as well lit as the main road, but it is a lot quicker to cut through than it is to go around. During the day there are a few small cafes open, with big umbrellas and tables out front. At night it is much less cheery.

Nagito is looking around uncomfortably, the moon is high in the sky and down the alley it is the only light source. His hair shimmers in the moonlight, your heart is pounding again, “Do you come down here every night?” He tucks a hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out his phone, flicking on the flashlight.

The light only manages to make the walls of the alleyway seem even taller, “Yeah. I only have a late class on Thursday’s though. It isn't usually this dark.”  

He gives you a concerned look, “It probably isn't safe.”

You shrug, “It’s another ten minutes if I go around. Plus, nothing has ever happened. I'm sure it’s fine.”

He turns away from you, looking straight ahead. His face turns deathly serious and you’re worried you’ve said something wrong, “Yeah, well. Luck runs out eventually.”

You aren't sure what to say. It sounded like he was talking from experience. His footsteps are quiet beside you, and his spine is curled like he is trying to make himself small and unobtrusive. Difficult, considering his height. As you come to the end of the alleyway he switches off his flashlight and tucks it back into his pocket, you notice that his black jeans are tight and you feel something swell in the pit of your stomach. He is very attractive.

“It’s just up this street, yeah?” He asks, you notice that he’s started rubbing his arms, “It’s kinda chilly.”

It suddenly hits you that he must be freezing without the coat he leant to you. You feel like an asshole, “Oh my god. I'm so sorry, you must be so cold!” you start talking the coat off, ready to give it back to him. He stops you.

“If one of us has to be cold, please let it be me.” His hand is on your shoulder again, you’re trying to store how it feels away in your memory. You don't want to forget.

“I don't want you to get sick.”

He laughs and waves your concern away with a hand, “No need to worry about me. It’s mostly just my arms and hands that are cold anyway, I'll be alright.”

You have a thought. There isn't much you can do about his cold arms, but his cold hands? That was possible. If only you work up the courage. As the two of you continue walking down the street, you move yourself close to him, a tiny bit closer, so tiny he probably doesn't even notice. He is still looking on ahead, but you are focussed entirely on the closeness of your hands. Focussed on reaching out just your pinky, slowly, carefully. Your heart is racing and your cheeks are burning. (this is so highschool of you, how old are you 12?) It doesn't matter, you’re going to do it, going to curl just the one finger around his and then maybe-

“Hey, we’re here!”

Your back snaps ramrod straight, and your hand whips back up against your leg so hard it almost hurts. He’s right, you’re at the station. You’d been so intent on holding his damn hand that you didn't realise how close the station was. This is embarrassing.

“Are you okay?” He asks, looking down at you with genuine concern, ‘Your face is all pink, you're not cold are you?”

“No, i’m uh-” He's staring at you, it’s making you nervous, “-I’m fine. Let me just check when the next train is, then you can go home if you want.”

He smiles politely, “Okay. I’ll wait here.”

The announcement board is lit up in the darkness right above the entrance to the station, you have to get a little closer to be able to read the train times. Nagito gives you a little wave when you turn back to look at him, and you sigh. You had been hoping to make it a little clearer how you felt about him, but it looks like you’re still a coward.

“God damn it…” you mutter as you look up at the board. Nagito must have heard you, because he comes bounding over with clear distress in his eyes. His hair is bouncy, it’s adorable.

“Are you okay?” He looks around frantically, “Did you lose something?”

You laugh, trying to ease his concerns, “Nah. We just missed my train, the next one isn't for half an hour. I probably won't be home until after midnight at this rate.”

“Hm. That’s really late.”

“Yeah, i live at the end of the Metro. Two hours.”

He’s playing with the hem of his shirt again, practically shaking with nerves when he finally says, “You could...come back to my place.

You don't have any words. They’re all caught in the back of your throat.

He panics, “Only if you want to! I would understand completely if you don't want to sleep in the same apartment as trash like me!”

Your innocent thoughts about brushing knuckles and shy glances begin morphing into something much less PG.

“Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you.”

“Inconvenience? Me?!” His cheeks turn a little pink, “You couldn't possibly inconvenience me .”  

You shrug a shoulder, trying to ignore the incessant buzzing of excitement under your skin, “Lead the way, then.” ~*~*~

His apartment is nice. He dropped his key five times before he was able to get the door open, but when he finally did you were pleasantly surprised. You’ve been in some awful bachelor pads before, but this is nothing like that. There’s a plush brown couch in the center of the room with a colourful throw tossed over it, a modestly sized tv and a collection of mismatched mugs spread out on the low coffee table. A salt lamp in the corner of the room casts a pale orange light across the space, dancing on the shiny leaves of all the pot plants strewn about the room.

“Sorry for the mess…” Nagito says, slipping past you and hanging his bag up on a hook on the wall. He pulls his switch out of the bag and docks it by the tv, “Hajime drinks a lot of coffee.”

“It’s not even messy.” You take notice of just how many bookshelves are lining the walls and smile, “It’s nice in here.”

Nagito is in the middle of picking up all the wayward mugs around the room, but he still manages to turn and flash you a smile, “It’s nice of you to say so. I’m going to tidy up a little, feel free to sit down.”

“Oh, you really don't need to clean up for me. It’s fine.” You say, dropping your backpack on the ground by the door and heading over to the couch. It’s very comfy, but you still find yourself sitting stiffly, nervous about seeming too comfortable, “Is Hajime your housemate?” you ask, eyeing a photo on one of the bookshelves. Nagito is smiling brilliantly and chucking a peace sign up to the camera, there’s another guy beside him giving an uncomfortable thumbs up, but a very genuine smile.

“Yes!” Nagito calls back from the kitchen, you can hear the water running and assume he’s washing the mugs, “He’s at his girlfriend’s house tonight and he won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. You probably won't see him.”

You swallow. Not only are you going to be in the apartment with him all night, you’re also going to be alone . Your leg is bouncing again, you can't help it, “Um, where will i be sleeping?”

Nagito comes out of the kitchen, drying his hands with a tea towel before tossing it into what you assume is a laundry basket, “The couch folds out. We don't have to…uh” he laughs nervously, “We don’t have to share a bed, if that’s what you were worrying about.”

Worrying is not the word you would use.  

“Oh! Do you have anything to sleep in?”

“Ah, i hadn't thought about that.” You wince a little, remembering the last time you had to sleep with your jeans on, “I’ll be okay though, dont worry about it.”

“I can at least see if Chiaki left something behind last time she was here. I don't want you to be uncomfortable.” He starts heading over to one of the two doors in the wall behind the couch, “Oh, I've turned the heating on by the way. If the coat is too warm you can just leave it on my bed.” He points to the other door, “just in there.”

“I might do that, thank you.” You stand up and shuck the coat, folding it over your arm, “It was getting a little toasty.”

He smiles warmly and heads into what you assume is Hajime’s room. Leaving you alone with the notion that he has just invited you into his bedroom. Your heart is racing. It’s literally just a room with a bed in it, you don't know why you are getting so worked up about this. The nailpolish on your fingers is practically all gone with all the nervous picking you've been doing today.

You force yourself to round the couch and head over to the door, trying not to notice the way your knees are wobbling. You suck in a breath, reach for the doorknob and even though the moment feels immense, you are comforted when you realise that his room is very normal.

There's a soft green rug on the floor, and the bed is made in a haphazard way that suggests he didn't want to leave it messy, but couldn't be bothered doing it properly either. His wardrobe is slightly ajar and you can see a row of boots lined up below a collection of sweaters and coats. It’s cosy, it suits him. The sound of your heartbeat is loud in your ears as you step over to the bed and drop the folded coat on the end of it. It smells like him in here, like camomile and sunday evenings. Your hands are sweating.

You notice a collection of polaroid photos strung up above his desk. At this point you’re probably being a little too nosy, but your feet are already walking over to the desk before you can stop yourself. There’s a textbook on the desk and a notepad filled with quotes and page numbers, he’s drawn a couple of flowers in the margins, you smile. A post-it shaped like a four leaf clover catches your eye, the handwriting is different from Nagito’s.

Don’t forget to drink water, dumbass.

A laugh bubbles up out of your chest, you assume that was a reminder from Hajime. There are plenty more pictures of him and Nagito amongst the polaroids, a number of them taken at some sort of beach getaway. Nagito has his eyes closed in a wide smile, his cheeks turning red from the sun as he wraps one arm around the shoulders of a short girl engrossed in her PSP. You assume that she is Hajime’s girlfriend, based on a different photo of the two of them kissing while Nagito throws up a peace sign in the foreground. They seem like very good friends, you’re happy for him.

“Are you done sightseeing?”

You whirl around to see Nagito standing in the open doorway with a bundle of cloth in his hands. His tone is teasing, but his lips are curled up in a smile. You feel yourself blushing, “ah, sorry. I shouldn't have-”

He laughs pleasantly, stepping into the room proper, “No, it's fine! I don't mind at all, sorry my room isn't very exciting.”

“It’s cozy.” You say, wringing your hands together, “I like it...it suits you.”

Nagito turns red now, all the way up to his ears and down to his collarbones. He clears his throat, “I found some sleep shorts and a shirt that I don't think Chiaki will mind you borrowing. I'll just have to wash them tomorrow.”

He passes the bundle of clothing over to you. When you unfold the shirt you snicker at the phrase ‘gamers don't die. We respawn’ that is printed in bold across the front of it, “Chiaki is a gamer, I take it?”

Nagito chuckles pleasantly, “The best one I know. Smash nights with her are something to behold.”

“Well…” you start, trying your best to seem like you aren't thinking about kissing him, “Thanks for the clothes...should I change in the bathroom, or?”

He dismisses you with a wave of his hand, eyes closing in a wide smile, “No, it's okay. You can get changed in here, I'll sit on the couch. Don't worry about it.”

Your heart is pounding. He's so handsome and so nice, your mind is racing with the thought that if you don't finally tell him how you feel now, you probably never will. Your fingers dig tight into the shirt you're holding as you try to find a way to ground yourself. You take a deep breath, “Nagito…?”

“Hm?”

Your stomach is churning, your hands feel clammy. You think and think but you just can't find the right words, to tell him how you feel, to tell him what you want . In the end, you decide that maybe words aren't the best course of action, and pull your shirt up over your head.

The room goes so silent that the sound of your blouse hitting the carpet sounds like a thunderclap. Your chest is heaving with the gravity of what you've just done. Why the fuck did you do that??? This was a terrible, awful, bad idea. You almost go scrambling to shove Chiaki’s shirt on and pretend this never happened.

But Nagito’s face stops you in your tracks. He’s staring at you, shaking visibly. His big green eyes keep flitting between your face and your torso. He heaves a wavering breath and whispers, “Tell me not to kiss you. Stop me, please .”

You feel elated, “I don't want to stop you.”

He swallows, nails biting into the palms of his hands, “I cant...I shouldn't...you’re too good for-”

You take a step towards him and cup his cheek in your palm. Whatever words he was going to say die in his throat.

“How long have you wanted me, Nagito?” You trace your thumb over his lower lip, his erratic breathing is so loud you can hear it, “I’ve wanted you for months .”

He nods loosely, squeezing his eyes shut, “Me too. Me too.”

his skin is soft under your palm, your move your hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes open at your touch and he is beautiful . You smile, gently running your fingers in his soft hair before whispering, “Then what are you waiting for?”

He sucks in a breath, and his hand shakes as he brings it up to your cheek. The skin of his palm is dry and warm, you can’t help leaning into it. His second hand slowly slips around to the small of your back, you can feel him trembling.

“God you’re…” you can feel his breath on your face, he is so close to you now, “you’re so beautiful…”

You smile, “so are you.”

He gasps, eyes widening as he looks down at you. Then, his thumb gently runs along the length of your cheekbone, and he leans in to press his lips to yours.

He is perfect

His lips are soft and cool, his palm on your back presses you firmly up against him as you slowly curl your arms around the back of his neck. You whine gently into his mouth, kissing him only more incessantly, desperately. Months of yearning and desire is escaping in this one kiss and one of your hands tangles it’s fingers in the hair on the back of his head. It’s as soft as you dreamed it would be. He is how you dreamed he would be.

Nagito pulls away from you, green eyes blown wide and breath heaving. The hand on your lower back is shaking, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long…” his throat bobs, “I can’t...I can’t believe you let me kiss you.”

“Why not?” You breathe, letting one of your hands slip down his torso, toying with the hem of his shirt.

His breathing grows shaky, “b-because I don’t deserve you. Someone like you desiring someone like me it’s just- hah! ”

Your fingers have crept up under his shirt, tracing light circles on his hip bone. You hadn’t expected it to stun him into silence like this, you lean in a press a soft kiss to his neck, “is this okay?”

“H-huh?”

You laugh gently against his skin, “are you okay with me touching you like this?”

“Y-yes! I just don’t understand why? ”

“Because I have feelings for you, Nagito” you feel your cheeks burning, “I’ve uh- been trying to gather the confidence to tell you that all night. I sort of assumed it was pretty obvious with the kissing and-“

You're cut off when he tugs you against him, wrapping both arms around your waist and burying his head in the crook of your neck. you gasp at the feeling of his thin arms tight around you, and he quickly pulls back at the sound.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No! Um, I liked it! You just surprised me.”

He laughs, a giggle that sounds like disbelief, “I surprised you? You took your shirt off…”

You’re burning up. Suddenly remembering your state of undress and crossing your arms over your chest, “Ah. Yes. That was stupid of me. I just...panicked?”

His brow furrows, “panicked?”

“Yeah I- I dunno, I was worried that if I didn’t make a move now I’d never have a chance to do…” you swallow, looking up at him nervously, “do whatever it is we’re going to do.”

You hear him take a shaky breath, his eyes open wide, “You want to...keep going?”

“...Yes” you whisper

“With...me?”

“Yes.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath, “I want to go as far as you will let me.”

He’s laughing again, hand cupping over his mouth as he stares at you in shock, “O-Okay...if you’re sure you want to. Then I-“ his voice drops an octave, you aren’t sure if it was intentional, but you feel it in your stomach, “I want to as well.”

“Do you want to sit on the bed?” You ask, trying to contain your nerves.

“Ah, yes. Of course!” He’s shaking when he steps around you and sinks down onto his bed. You can see his knees bouncing a little, he’s as overwhelmed as you are, “Are you going to sit down too- ah~”

You do sit down. On his lap. Gently straddling him and looping your arms around the back of his head, “Is this okay?”

He shifts underneath you a little, and his hands shakily come to rest on the dip of your waist, “I’m probably not very comfortable.”

You laugh and press a kiss to his temple, “You’re plenty comfortable. Best seat in the house.”

His eyes meet yours. Dilated. Blinking slowly as he examines the contours of your face. You can feel his breath on your lips, you can’t believe that you’re this close to him. You’re the luckiest person in the world. When your lips press together again, his fingers dig tighter into your waist and your toes curl. He gasps against your mouth when you swipe at the seam of his lips with your tongue, moaning deep in the back of his throat as his tongue tangles with yours. There’s a warmth steadily growing between your thighs, your legs tighten around Nagito’s and your fingers dig into his soft white hair, pulling him closer to you. Then you shift in his lap, and feel a hardness growing in his jeans. Nagito gasps and pulls his lips from yours.

“I--I’m sorry...I just…”

“Nagito.” You whisper, letting one of your hands trail down his chest, “I told you. I want to go as far as you will let me.” Your hand comes in contact with his cock, rubbing him encouragingly through his jeans, “Is this still okay?”

He whimpers, hips stuttering up into your hand, “Ah! Are you sure you want to?”

“Very.” You shuffle backwards, slipping down off the bed and onto your knees between his legs. Your hands are resting on his waistband, just waiting for his permission, “Can i take your pants off?”

Nagito nods nervously, but lifts up his hips to help you tug his jeans down over his thighs. You get them down to his knees before you stop, toying with the hemline of his boxers, “Can these come off too?”

“Ah...If you want?” His voice is shaky, but he doesn't seem reluctant when you grab the elastic waistband and start tugging them down. You are trying to keep your cool, to seem like you have done this many times more than you actually have, but when his erect cock pops out and slaps backwards onto his stomach. You can feel your eyes grow wider, and have to physically bite down on your lip to hold in a gasp. Nagito is looking down at you nervously as you pull his jeans and boxers over his feet and drop them onto the floor. He sits up on his elbows and you can see his throat bob, “Are you sure you still want this? I...ah...I know i'm not much to look at.”

“I’ll have to respectfully disagree…” you whisper, eyes trailing up the length of his pale legs, lingering on the jut of his hips where they disappear up under his shirt. His breathing is heavy, cheeks turned pink and hair in disarray from your tangling fingers, “you’re gorgeous.”

“Aha...You are too kind…” Nagito breathes, avoiding your eyes.

You swallow, hands coming up to rub encouraging circles on his bare thighs, “I want to use my mouth.” You cock your head to the side, “would that be alright?”

Nagito makes a shocked noise in the back of his throat. Eyes wide in disbelief, even as his cock twitches at your words, “I’m not sure it’s a good idea...I...I would not be worthy of such a thing…”

“Is that a no because you think i don't want to?” you ask gently, pressing a kiss to one of his bony knees, “or is it a no because you don't want me to? Those are two very different things.”

He looks at you, almost incredulous, “Well of course I want you to! But I don't want you to ruin your- ack!~”

You grip tight on his jutting hip bones and sink your mouth down on his cock, as far as you can take it. Nagito moans loud , his legs tensing under your arms as you start lathing the underside of his head with your tongue and slowly pulling your lips up and down the length of him. He feels hot and smooth in your mouth and a gasp escapes you when his hips stutter in deeper, the head of his cock kissing the back of your throat.

“I...I’m sorry…” he whimpers, breathless and panicked, “Did i choke you? I’m a pathetic excuse for a human being…”

He is apparently too lost in his own head, to notice how thoroughly you are enjoying yourself. Moaning wontanly as you bob your head up and down, thighs rubbing together with every little noise you hear escaping his throat. He makes such pretty sounds, you want desperately to hear more of them.

“You...Your mouth...it’s so warm” Nagtio hisses through clenched teeth. You can feel the muscles working in his thighs as he tries to hold back the urge to chase the heat of your mouth. His legs are quivering , “I cant believe that you would let me-- ahhhh! ” his fingers curl tight into the sheets, chest heaving as you slowly insert a finger inside of him.

“Was that okay?” you ask, stilling your finger, worried that you’ve hurt him, “Do you need me to stop?”

Nagito whines and shakes his head, hips bucking forward into your hand like he’s trying to force your finger deeper, “M--more... please .”

You laugh a little, gently lapping at the head of his cock while pushing your finger deeper. Nagito wriggles and moans when you get it the whole way in, slowly pumping it in and out. You moan against his cock when you feel him tighten around you, “Can you take another?”

“Yes... yes… ” he pants, breath coming hot and heavy as he quivers beneath you, “I want it...want you ”

It’s getting harder to focus. Hearing his noises, feeling him moving and keening under your touch. You’re soaking wet, craving any sort of friction, but still determined to give Nagito the night of his life. You rub your thighs together, and slip a second finger into him.

The noise he makes is indescribable. The whole neighborhood probably heard it, and all you can think about is how lucky they all are, because it is the most beautiful noise you’ve ever heard.

“I could listen to you forever…” you breathe, pistoning your fingers in and out of him while pumping his cock with your other hand, “Do you want another finger?”

He whines aloud at the thought of it, but still shakes his head, “I don’t... ahh! I don't want to cum…” he hisses a breath in through his teeth, “until you do.”

You can feel your cheeks burning. Embarrassed as his insinuation like you don't currently have your fingers three knuckles deep in his ass, “What do you want to do then…?”

“I...I want to taste you” Nagito purrs, leaning up on his elbows, peering down at you, “Would you indulge me?”

“Oh...sure…” you whisper, slipping your fingers out of him and shimmying out of your pants. Nagito audibly gasps as the sight of your bare legs, and you feel yourself getting a little bit egotistic. No matter what concerns you may have with your body, it’s hard to remember them when he looks at you like that . Just as you are climbing onto the bed, you let out a gasp when Nagito grabs your thighs and tugs you up onto his chest, “Nagito...what-”

“Sit on my face, please. ”

You swallow. Cheeks heating up at the despartation in his voice, “Okay…” you breathe, shuffling up until your knees are resting firmly on the mattress above his shoulders. Your thighs are shaking, “Sorry. I’m kind of embarrassed…”

Nagito chuckles beneath you, peering up at your face through his pale eyelashes, “there’s no need to be embarrassed.” he whispers, hands curling around your thighs, “It’s just me. I want to pleasure you like you did for me. Is that okay?”

Your sex throbs at his words, and you have to sink your teeth into your lip to hold in a moan. He’s smiling at you, you can feel his cool breath on your bare cunt and as you slowly lower yourself to meet his mouth, you feel his fingers tighten against your flesh. He moans unabashedly as he drags his tongue up the length of you, keening and whimpering like he is the one being pleasured. His lips wrap around your swollen clit and your hips buck further into his face, you bite down on your hand to stop yourself from screaming.

“No...please…” nagito whispers from beneath you, “I want to hear you, let me hear how good I am making you feel.”

His tongue gets back to work, slowly dipping in and out of your dripping entrance as his hands curl around your thighs.

“Ooh— ooohhh! ” You croon, grinding your hips sinfully against the lower half of his face, “You’re so good...your tongue feels so-- ahhh! S--So good, Nagito…”

Nagito moans . You can feel the vibrations through his tongue as it thrusts in and out of you. He sucks and licks with the desperation of a man who wants to taste every inch of you, every millimeter . He’s shaking under you, frantic and needy with nothing more than a desire for you. It’s almost overwhelming, you’ve never had someone want you like this before and it makes a powerful heat stroke at your core.

“F-Fuck…” You manage to hiss, centleching your eyes shut and digging a hand into the halo of his hair, “Nagito...I...I want you... please! ”

He slows his ministrations for just a moment. Big green eyes blinking up at you from between your thighs, “Are you sure? I’m more than happy to keep doing this.” he laughs a little, “I’m enjoying myself quite a bit.”

You caution a glance behind yourself to where his cock is still standing at full attention, twitching and dripping . He is enjoying himself, that is very much clear.

“I’m sure.” you give him a smile and brush some of his hair from his face, “I’ll take you up on the offer next time though.”

Nagito’s breath hitches, and you feel his fingers dig tight into your thighs, “...next time?”

“Yeah. Next time.” You swallow, “If you want a next time, that is.”

You can't really see his mouth, but you can still tell that he is grinning, “I...I do want a next time.”

“Ah, good. It would have been really awkward if you said no…” you clear your throat, “Condom?”

“Top drawer.” He replies, nodding in the direction of his bedside table before returning his mouth to your clit. You reach behind yourself and slap his thigh.

“Stop that! I’m not going to be able to rip a condom open if I'm shaking…”

He chuckles, “but you taste so good…”

Biting your lower lip to hold in a moan, you manage to wriggle a hand into Nagito’s drawer and locate a box of condoms. Still shrinkwrapped, “ah, shit. I hate opening this stuff.”

Nagito does not offer to help you. Still caressing your sex with his tongue. He hits your clit hard for a moment and your hips jump forward.

“Fuck...Nagito!” You moan and squeeze your eyes shut, “I need to get this stupid box open.” You manage to get a corner of the shrinkwrap between your teeth and tear it open. Nagito now has his tongue back inside of you, “hnng…” you force out, pulling a condom out and just letting the box fall to the floor, “stop distracting me!”

You can feel him laugh against you, gently lapping his tongue at your insides as you finally manage to tear the condom open, “Oh! These are ribbed for my pleasure! How very polite of you.” you tease, shuffling down from his face and between his legs.

Nagito turns red, the lower of his face glistening with your slick. He brings up an arm and cleans himself off with the back of his hand, “Ah...I just...I figured if I was going to buy some…”

Your lips quirk up in a smile as you roll the condom down over his twitching cock. He hisses at the feeling of your palm caressing him, “What are you so worried about? I mean it, it was a nice gesture.”

Nagito gasps when you swing a leg over his bony hips, hovering just over his cock, so close that you can just feel the head brushing your folds. Nagito has his hands buried in the sheets and you can see him quivering beneath you, “Everything okay? Do you need to stop?”

He shakes his head, adam’s apple bobbing as he traces your form with his eyes, “I just...I can’t believe you're about to do this.” he chokes on a laugh, covering his mouth with a hand, “I’m going to ruin you…”

A smile crawls up your cheek as you slowly start lowering yourself down. Nagito makes a shocked noise at the back of his throat when the head pops inside of you, “and I, you.”

You watch in awe as his chest rises and falls, as his eyes squeeze shut. His brow creases, his cheeks are painted in a gorgeous red. He looks like a masterpiece, and there's a little voice in your head, praising yourself for being the one who did this to him. Then, he is fully inside of you, stretching you out and pulsing against your tight heat.

Nagito’s hips buck just a little, a hiss escaping his mouth, “Ah... ahhh .” he swallows thickly as his eyes open, staring up at you in absolute adoration, “I’m inside you...I’m really inside you…”

“Sure are.” You reply, lifting yourself up just a little before dropping back down again. A moan rips from his mouth, and a needy whine escapes yours, “You feel...really good…”

He nods his head, staring up at the ceiling like he is trying to ground himself, “You’re so warm...you’re taking me so perfectly…”

You shiver at the compliment. Relishing in the feeling of Nagito’s desperate little thrusts, it feels like he is trying to hold himself back, but he just can’t . Like he needs you, like he craves you. You roll your hips, moaning long and hard at the sensation of him moving inside of you. Nagito whimpers, hips shaking as he tries his hardest to stay still.

“What are you waiting for?” You ask, “I’m all yours, Nagito. Take me.”

His hips snap up. Just the once, his body responding to your words before his head even has a chance to catch up, “You...you’re mine… ” he breathes, disbelieving, but utterly hungry. His hands slowly curl around your hips, pads of his fingers digging into your flesh as he starts moving in earnest. The sound that cuts loose from your throat is so loud that it surprises even you, the feeling of him bottoming out inside of you is insane. It makes your toes curl, your stomach tense, your heart race.

“You liked that?” He whispers, voice gravelly and breathless as he continues pounding up into you, like he doesn't want to be outside of you for more than a second, “You feel so good...so perfect...i couldn't resist you even if i wanted to--” he throws his head back and groans, “--you take my cock like it was meant for you and you alone…”

It isn't clear if he is doing it on purpose, or if he is just saying exactly what he is thinking. Either way, Nagito knows exactly what to say to push your buttons. The insinuation that you were made for his cock, and that it was made for you has you clenching hard around him. Sweaty and clammy, grinding your hips harder and harder. Desperate for more of him. More of Nagito. All of Nagito.

“M’close…” You force out, breath growing shaky and thighs quivering on either side of his hips.

Nagito laughs, it's loud and wild. It echoes around the room, “You’re going to cum for me?”

“Just for you. All for you.”

He moans, letting one hand drop down from your hip to circle your clit instead. You howl and Nagito hisses through his teeth, you’re bouncing on his cock now. Keening and whining, the warmth in your stomach is growing unbearable, and watching Nagito’s mouth drop open in a perfect moan doesn't help. It’s right then, that he shoves himself up inside of you hard , hitting just the right place for you to finally come undone. There's white behind your eyes as all the tension within you snaps, hips gyrating furiously as you ride out your orgasm. Nagito lets out a cry and pounds up into you with a surprising ferocity, cock twitching between your walls as he cums. His face in that moment is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

It takes a minute for you to come back down from your high. Falling forward and resting your head in the join between Nagito’s neck and shoulder, breathing deeply as the shivers from your orgasm slowly subside. Nagito starts rubbing gently circles on your back, his hands are shaky, but you aren't sure if he is just lethargic or if he is also nervous. You lift yourself up with your arms and press a kiss to his cheek, “I’m getting off you now, ready?”

He nods sleepily, and you lift your leg up and over him, collapsing bodily onto the bed beside him. Everything is still fizzing and popping, from your heart out to your fingertips. If it feels like the sun has awoken inside your chest. You just want to lie here forever.

“Just...ah...give me a minute, and then I'll move out to the couch.” Nagito says, panting quietly, “You can take the bed.”

You roll over to face him, “Nagito...you really think i'm going to kick you out of your own bed?”

“Oh, i don't know...I just...didn't want to presume.”

With an affectionate sigh, you shuffle a little closer to him, resting your head on his chest and tucking your arm in around his waist, “No presumption necessary. I want to sleep with you.”

Nagito laughs, “You already did.”

“Hey! You know what I meant.” you lean up a little and press a kiss to his shoulder before snuggling deeper into his chest, “I want to actually sleep with you.”

“I still can’t believe you're here with me…” he sighs happily, curling an arm around your shoulders, “In my bed, no less.”

“That’s what you get for being so cute all the time. I’ve been staring at you for like, the past two months.”

“Ah...for a long time i assumed that there was always something stuck in my teeth. That uh, happens to me a lot.”

You press your ear to his chest, closing your eyes and listening to the sound of his heart, “Nah. Nothing stuck in your teeth. I just thought you were the most beautiful man I had ever seen.”

You hear him choke at that, his hand tightening around your shoulders, “You are...the most wonderful person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.” He plants a kiss to the top of your head, “I wouldn't be surprised if this was all a dream, that i’ll wake up tomorrow and you’ll be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You whisper, and the gentle thump of his heart slowly soothes you into sleep.

Hey guys. Note from Bree here. I hope that this was okay, I’ve been feeling really down on my writing recently and I’m really not sure why, but i just dont think anything im posting has been any good. So i just hope that you still enjoyed this even though its a mess. Im so worried that im losing nagito’s voice. im like, scared about it actually, cause this is the only thing im good at, you know? and what’s even the point of me if i cant do this one thing anymore...... ugh, sorry for being such a complain jane. i just, idk. the komaeda who lives in my head is calling me trash 24/7 hahahahahahahhaa

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Can I have Present mic, Aizawa, and all might where they learn their young student is fatherless? Like... their father walked out/went to prison when they were young. I'm sorry if this is time consuming, but I can't stop sobbing over my father.

I'm the situation baby but remember it wasn't your fault

I changed it up a little bit with Mics- I hope you don't mind

Present Mic:

• from the getgo something was wrong

• The moment you walked into class he could tell

• You looked like shit

• Dark bags under your eyes, hair messily brushed, just to get it out if your face, and your eyes were a light red.

• You didn't look particularly happy to be there either

• something turns in his stomach, a gut feeling that something really had went down

• And he hated seeing his students upset

• but he was relatively close to you to begin with, his felt different

• He felt like he had to do something

• Everyone settled into their seats as the bull rung but his eyes remained on you

• You honestly didn't pay attention during the lesson

• He could tell as much

• class finishes and the bell rings but you sit still, and it's not until most of the students have trickled out of the room do you start packing up

• He walks over and kneels in front of the desk "You okay there? You don't look so good," he looks concerned and his heart drops when he sees your lip start to quiver

• It takes you 0.27 seconds to break and you're frantically wiping your eyes as sobs wrack your body

• He's got his arms wrapped around you in seconds and you're leaning into his shoulder.

• He isn't sure exactly how long you're crying for but eventually you calm down enough to get out a coherent sentence

• "My-My dad was arrested Friday night. He won't tell me why- he won't let anyone else tell me why and I don't know what else to do," you cry, "I miss him so much and its only been a few days- I don't- I don't have anyone else, Mr. Hazashi,"

• And you're crying again.

• He has you take the rest of the day off, in fact he takes the day with you

• He calls in a sub (you don't know what strings he had to pull for that but you don't ask, at this point you don't care) and you two dip

• He takes you to get food, real food, that'll make you feel better

• He knows that'll help a little

• and after that he takes you to get something sweet- that tends to help mood and blood pressure and anxiety

• So he does his best with you

• He nutures you the best way he knows how

• if you need anything and I mean ANYTHING this man has you covered

• He does his best to step up in any way he can

• first off he extends his assignment deadlines and cancels two tests. Who needs them anyway.

• And you eat lunch in his classroom because he can well tell you don't want to talk to anyone else right now

• He closes it off (seemingly) so in reality its just you and him

• He'll probably tell Aizawa too but on the downlow (just so he knows)

• When holidays roll around, the dorms close.

• In this case- he let's you stay with him. He has an extra bedroom. He doesn't want you to stay in an empty house.

• You also get his phone number (which you gladly use) for anything really

• Bored? He'll deliver some shitty puns.

• Confused about homework? Text him.

• having a mental breakdown? He's got you covered.

• You got memes? Please for the love of God send them to him.

• The dynamic eventually shifts to a VERY father daughter relationship.

• He knows he'll never replace your dad. He understands that wholeheartedly, but he wants you to have someone

• He actually gets a letter from your dad, thanking him for taking care of you

• but he really doesn't mind

Aizawa:

• He had a feeling that there was something going on at home. Or rather, a lack of something.

• He's dealt with it in the oast- with himself and with past students and current ones

• Shinsou

• I mean, aside from that fact whenever parents were mentioned, you'd either stiffen up or wrinkle your nose

• You didn't really like the subject of parents

• There was an essay prompt about parents (nothing too personal) nd you ended up writing it on the extinction of dinosaurs and why God fucked up instead

"It'd be absolutely stellar to see huge lizards roaming the earth and occasionally stepping on people, you know? Jurassic park was onto something."

• Man's couldn't even fail you on it because it was written v well

• Anyway, he doesn't pry too much. He just silently figures it out by process if elimination and pattern.

• He doesn't really care too much

• In the sense if it doesn't define you and he doesn't help you because he pities you

• he helps you because he seems potential

• He takes you under his wing with shinsou

• Yall spend a whole summer training

• And that's when it all came out

• It was an accident really.

• Shinsou was tired, exhausted really

• and when people get tired- that tired- sometimes they spout random shot they wouldn't usually say

• and thats what he did

• he went on about his home life

• and if he could, you could too right?? You could trust them.

• "My dad walked out when I was a kid. Little, like 3. I have a few pictures of him holding me, but I guess it wasn't enough. I don't have any desire to meet him. Not anymore. But it left me feeling like I did something wrong? I guess? Which I suppose is why I train. Because then I feel strong. Which is a good difference from how it usually feels."

• He knew it.

• He called it.

• He was right again.

• He reassures you that you are good enough, strong enough, and his decision to leave had nothing to do with you

• and when he saw you give him a soft smile, he warmed.

• I mean really, it only goes up from there

• he'll deny it, or grumble under his breath, but he seems you two as his own

• Like these aren't my kids but they are my kids

• When dorms close on holiday yall get to stay because that's where he lives too

• Like if you chose too

• he's not gonna force you to stay but if you don't want to go home, you don't have too

• He has that power

• He will buy you food

• all you gotta do is ask

• and he'll roll his eyes and grumble something he doesn't really mean, just secretly happy that you feel comfortable enough around him to ask for something

• lmao family group chat

S: 'Hey Mr. Aizawa I found this cat. Hold on lemme send a pic'

A: 'Dont need a pic. Bring him home'

Y: 'What if he's ugly??'

A: 'gremlin. Bring him home.'

Or

Y: 'Hey I saw this tweet that said 'kids be like watch this and do a half roundhouse spin kick clap and waste my fucking time' and it make me think of you.'

S: @ mr. Aizawa when he has to watch deku do sumn

Y: Lmaoooo like when he threw the baseball

S: LMAOO

A: Me watching you too try to figure out how to beat me in training

Y: Yikes bro

S: That was a rough one

• Does he regret giving you and shinsou his number??

• Maybe

• Not really

• Lmao super secret lunch movie days

• Every week on wendesday yall watch a movie. Usually it takes 2 or 3 days to watch the movie since lunch is only 70 minutes

• @ you accidently calling him dad one day and shinsou snickering but it stuck

• dadzawa lmaoo

Allmight:

• Man's has 2 underlings.

• You and Deku.

• Picked you up when he started teaching at UA

• Ion know let's say one day you popped off bc he said some dumb shit and you were like no sir that's clearly wrong

• schooled him in his own damn subject

• the other kids were like 😳

• what the fuck

• Anyway

• He see's you have potential

• And though he's not the best teacher, you seem to respond better to the way HE was taught

• So tbh its easier to teach you

• 'okay, now I want you to beat the shot out if that wall,'

'Okay lmao bet'

• Midoriya is like, hey mayhaps we should analyze the situation

• N ur like noe

• You just don't give a fuck

• about anything really

• other than moving up the ranks

• But even then- its not a super super big deal, you're just gonna do your best but you aren't gonna stress

• However he noticed a pattern w you (even before Midoryia brought it up to him)

• You don't let anyone in

• Midoryia knows a bit more than the other students but that's really only because he's always with you

• a good majority of the week he's w you

• but its not really a deep connection

• you don't rely on either of them

• You do your best to do things on your own.

• He knows midoryias life story

• he knows why he acts the way he does

• but he doesn't know why you do

• he has a gut feeling it could be the same as midoryia

• I mean he already had one kid who's dad dipped

• he'll surely be able to figure out you too??

• So he makes himself a promise that he'll figure it out and he'll become someone you trust

• And he does just that

• When you tell him about your nightmare of a family history he's like mm, makes sense

• but he's happy that you trust him!!!

• He's a BIG suckered for movie nights

• he's got popcorn, snacks, candy, chocolate, soda- he's prepared

• list of movies lined out all ready

• I lowkey feel like he'd be into lord of the rings or fast n furious

• fast n furious at LEAST

• He's really into American action movies

• and he has no problem sharing those movies with you

• he doesn't have a whole ton of money, like he's not rich, but if you or midoryia need something he's definitely there to get it for you

• even if ur like fam no you don't need too

• he'll buy yell food a lot

• a l o t

• and cards

• when you and midoryia get him a father's day card he thinks he's gonna cry

• You guys also have a group chat

• 'da faemilee'

• Y: "Hey dad do you have milk?"

A: "???? Do I have milk????"

Y: "ya I'm looking in your fridge n ion see any???"

A: "How'd you even get in????"

Y: "Izuku."

I: "lmaoo"

Or

Y: Izuku you dumb bitch I left for ONE day

Y: And you got into a fight with Bakugou

I: He wanted to throw hands. I just did what you would do.

A: He's got you there

Or

A: What do you guys want for dinner

I: Sushi

Y: Chicfila

Y: Izu square up

I: K

Or

Y: Izu is fighting kacchow again

A: Beat his ass young midoriya

Y: Lmaoooooo

[ninjas-and-coffee]

WU SUCKS but not the reason you think

I'd like to preface by saying Wu has made a lot of mistakes and should be held accountable. But like the main arguments against Wu be like.

1: Morro

2: Traumatizing kids

3: Keeping secrets

4: Mot treating his nephew like is damn nephew.

5: Flirting with his brothers wife.

And the thing about that needs talked about. 1:Morro. First off getting kids hopes is not cool. It can be detrimental to development depending on the age of the child. BUT. Not a single soul told Morro to train tirelessly for 60+ years after his death to take revenge and be the green ninja. Absolutly no one. Wu had compassion for his failings and wanted to show Morro he could still he great without being the green ninja. But the little brat ran tf off and got trapped and died. And he got cursed, how- we dont know. But its implied that it's either intentional entrapment or you have to be a terrible person, guess which category he probably falls into. Mind you Wu also told our OGs that they could also be the green ninja and none of them went off the rails to settle some invisible score. Morro made his choices and he made shit ones. Wu was an influence but not the problem. Morro is unstable, dramatic, and holds grudges Wu didnt cause that.

2: the traumatic experiences the nina go through are also not exactly his fault. He didnt just pick them off the streets. THERE WAS A PROPHECY. Ok? Yall with me. Fate isnt uncontrolled by anyone the ninja needed to be trained to help Lloyd fight the Overlord. That wasnt his decision. And yall act like the ninja couldn't leave whenever they wanted to. He didnt gaslight them or belittle them in anyway that wasnt for teaching. Please bring me receipts if you think otherwise. I do admit he could help a little more, be more clear, but when has a old magic teacher character ever been straightforward. With that logic fuck Dumbledore, and Gandalf, and any wise old teacher that goes to find chosen one who once again are chosen by fate not the master himself. Yall literally cant blame Wu for Child's Play and you cant blame Wu for their experience with Nadakhan either. The enemies that go out of there way to attack the ninja are not a direct cause if Wu himself. Usually. It be like blaming Garmadon for Chen. Yes they had history but it's still not his fault

3: Secrets. I will admit there is next to no reason for keeping secrets from the ninja. Considering history always has kind of score to settle. But considering his age and the apparent imprisonment or death of his past enemies there no way to predict every problem that comes back to screw him over. The Time Twins for example. Yes they came back for Wu. But he did remove their powers and separated them over 20+ years ago. They were not exactly threats to his new students now were they? Again with Aspheera, who was literally locked in a tomb why take the time to educate the ninja on a problem he had no idea was going to come back for him. Same with Morro to a more confusing degree. MORRO DIED. How was he to prepare the ninja for that? Yes please tell me how they were supposed to prepare for a dead guy. I'll wait.........k. he should be more forthcoming with the ninja, about things he knows could harm them, like the Serpentine after Lloyds released them, Chen, the Overlord, the effects of Travelers Tea, Tomorrow's Tea, Oni, Etc. But most of the time the ninja go and do it first then wonder why Wu didn't warn them.

4: His nephew. Wow his parenting sucks. Morro is not his damn child let's start there. Comparing their relationship is unfair. Wu cared for Morro the way he cares for Kai and Nya. He never accentuates a paternal relationship with then. Cause they are students, students he has to train with he intent to send them out onto dangerous battle fields and mind games. He was alone so yes it looks different but it's also a leap to just assume that Wu viewed Morro as his own despite treating him the exact same way as his 6 other students. Now back to Lloyd. Why didnt he get his nephew from Darkleys where it was known he ran away from multiple times? I DONT KNOW. No one does. That is a bad move I can only theorize about. Maybe Misako said something about staying away, maybe he wasnt kept in the loop about his nephews whereabouts due to idk KICKING HIS FATHER INTO HELL. C'mon yall. Now in the later seasons my best guess is that he doesnt know how to differentiate his nephew from the chosen one side and the goofy child side. Hes never had a child and his early relations with Lloyd were scarce and when Lloyd came to live with him. It's not due to some familial obligation, destiny literally called for it. Putting some definite strain on their relationship. I'm not excusing it he should try better, but he'd have to build a relationship from nothing and most people know their immediate family upon birth or during childhood which is not the case here. Wu treats his nephew more like a vessel of power than a person which isnt cool but knowing that the kid might not come back after every fight is a good damper on happy relationships is it not?

5: Misako. Good lord I don't have to explain this one. No excuse. It shouldn't be happening. BUT. After Garmadons death she was a free woman as gross as it is. It's more a flaw on her than it is him she chose to have a baby with one brother and still try to get with the other. And I know it takes two to tango but dont get mad at the idiot that the cheater is cheating with. Be mad at the cheater. The thing people really dont get about love triangles. The "other guy" brings on the questions/options but the person who cant choose or screws with both parties is the one in the wrong. Lloyd seems ok with it. Because Tommy said so. I dont particular give two shits about his take on the show half the time. If Lloyd were actively against it the Wu would probably stop. If the Fsm family acted like a normal ass family we probably wouldnt be here. But their priorities are a little screwy compared to typical nuclear families. Not an excuse just some perspective

NOW, why he is a bad character despite all of those arguments. he chooses to train soldiers rather than care for impressionable teens. Yes the situation called for it but the pressure could he alleviated if he decided to actually help before the world was on fire. He chooses to teach by experience than be upfront. Which works sometimes but not when actual lives are at stake. His trial by fire teaching works but the possiblity it could go wrong is to big to be brushed aside. His seemingly unreachable vault of empathy is hard to swallow. He rarely actually feels things for other people, his lack of enthusiasm when they pull through something hurts to watch. His lack of empathy about raising his nephew to attempt to kill his father is frightening. The pride he demonstrates by choosing not to disclose his past until it's too late is dangerous. He doesnt directly put down the ninja unless he has to and its more implied than anything and is on his students and this fandom for taking it so harshly. He trusts them a lot because he doesnt see them as kids anymore. They are warriors and it was necesary. He should have more compassion. He should be more straight forward, he should try to act like a person and not some ethereal being of elsewhere that doesn't have time to appease feelings or care about people until after hes wronged them. His values are off kilter sometimes which is whatever until it starts to hurt people

But yall need to stop blaming him for other people actions. Morro was a mess to begin with. His problems are in the past because he took care of them already. Misako came onto him. (He should have resisted but he didnt start shit she did). He needs to try to be an uncle alongside being a teacher. He needs to act like a fucking person more than the infinite cache of wisdom and unforeseen unused power that he acts like. And also it's a kids show. How many children think the way yall do?, we're teens/YAs we're reading into things. A LOT which makes everything more complicated. Comments rebuttals open. There's a collection of little mistakes hes made along the way that dont fit into these categories but these are the main reasons I know people hate him and the little things add fuel to the fire. I will legit talk about anything Except for the morro thing I am so tired of seeing it Morro made his choices hes a fucking Villain Wu didnt make him that way being a bitter asshole did that. Thanks for reading!! :3

[souryogurt64]

hi i'm the anon that was lamenting about getting older and not experiencing things as a teen anymore and everything you wrote really hit home for me. It's really really comforting to know that you only really started this stuff at 19, because i see you as like some music scene connoisseur who has had all these awesome fun crazy experiences and shit. And yeah remembering that Gerard was kind of a hermit until MCR when he was already a young adult is calming too because he's genuinely so fucking cool in my eyes lol at least younger gerard like he's my hero. Anyways yeah it was just really really helpful to read all of that, thank you so much.

Also, this is just out of curiosity, when you say you've interviewed 150 bands,,,, how lol jksfdhlkjfdgh like if you're currently almost 23 (with the past two years being pretty much ruined bc of covid) and started at around 19, how did you do so much? Like, how much of your time/life did you specifically dedicate to shows and bands and stuff? How often would you say you went/go to shows? these questions are so random and irrelevant lol i'm just curious bc i'm gonna be going to college next year and am trying to picture how my life could possibly be.

(also, I was born in Iowa City and moved away when I was 10, so I definitely get the small town thing. why were there so many more bullies there than where I am now, is it just a small town thing? are people bored so they torment those around them?? weird as hell tbh. sorry the iowans were bitches to you. I'm glad you're somewhere where you can really thrive now though.)

hi

its just under 150, but 150 interviews over three years is about 4ish interviews a month or one interview a week, which is doable. that amount fluctuates depending on life in general. i started the zine in july 2018, so its been three years and four months ish. i turn 23 in february.

ive been to 65 shows in my lifetime according to my journal, ranging from house shows to stadiums, but i might be missing a show here or there. not all of the interviews i do are in-person, most of them are over zoom or the phone. the vast majority of those shows were pre-covid-- ive been to six post-covid. i probably went to 0-4 shows a month in college.

we work with a few small PR agencies and they help by sending some artists a template interview that they fill out and email back. weve also worked with artists that don't speak english fluently, and in that case we send the questions to to someone from their label that can translate the questions and answers.

there are a few interviews i havent been able to make, and i have people from the team sub in or my cohost does them alone but i usually do transcripts and formatting and write questions still.

i would say i realistically dedicate probably around 10 or more hours a week on average to the zine and have for the past year+. before that it was waaaaaay more sporadic and i did it way less. most of that time is emails, formatting, spreadsheets, editing, looking up contacts, and transcription. cool interviews and tours are really only a small part.

i stepped it up when i started doing radio shows from august 2020-may 2021 and only launched the website in january 2021 when i was about to turn 22.

i dont work alone, i have a very dedicated friend/cohost that puts in as much work as i do, and we moved in together and moved to chicago in october. most of the biggest strides weve made on the zine have been in the last month since were able to work more effectively together and have started to invest money in things like software and a domain name. theres a handful of other people who do stuff like art or photos or music here and there.

if you have any other questions id be happy to answer them!

also i literally think people are just bored and have a lot of time to engage in psychological warfare and overthink tiny interactions and play 4d mean girl chess. i dont really think anyone has time for that in a big city.

theres also stuff to do so you dont have bored mean teenage girls coming into your work to film you and try to get you fired or showing up at your house trying to vandalize it. people are just too busy.

also in iowa youre kind of stuck with the same people, like i was neighbors with this absolutely vile person that terrorized me on and off from middle school through college and i was kind of stuck with her because we were neighbors. in cities theres millions of people and nobody is stuck with anybody.

sure, people will be rude to you or borrow money and not pay it back or whatever, but no one has time to bully people quite like they do in small town iowa lol.

[someone-worth-racing-for]

And here I am again, on the topic of Carlos haters. I'm actually very happy for you for not being around people who wish him to crash or to die, because there are so many out there. And its scary. Especially in F1. In a sport where every single fan knows, how it can end. In a sport where its not that inpossible for a driver to actually loose his life. And still they are out there.

Triggerwarning, don't read if you get emotional easy

I had someone telling me that he wishes for Carlos to die, and that his whole family should see it, and that he should have a long and horrible death, which should cause him a lot of pain because "this is what he deserves".

And this broke me. Because its F1. Because it could happen. And I wouldn't know what do if Carlos would actually loose his life, not to imagine his family... And there are people out there who actually put it into words. Its distrubing, alarming. And it leaves me helpless. What should I with messages like it? How can I stop it?

I got nightmares of any kind of drivers dieing because of stuff like this. Because people throw around words without thinking. Or maybe its my fault? Because I'm too attached to drivers? Maybe their death or those people shouldnt bother me?

If you dont feel like sharing this message (because it might be quite disturbing and I got carried away quite a lot, sorry for that) but still wanna answer me, you can call me "Jamie B." in your post and I will still know that you meant me and this message. I was gonna write you a DM but it feels better to stay anonym in this topic, or people might use this against me.

Trigger warning - the following text and also the ask above contains content that some may find disturbing. Please, read with care.

Seriously, anonym - I'm very glad you sent this message to me, because such things need to be talked about and not get ignored! It's so important to talk about this topic and not just look past it.

Yeah, I know I can call myself really happy to be around people who don't wish Carlos or any other driver any harm. Yes, not everyone of the people I follow/talk to support Carlos to 100%, but at least they all stay respectful and are grown up enough to know that you DON'T say duch things! NEVER EVER! ABOUT NO ONE!

Like I have said before, I really wasn't aware about that there are (still) so many people out there, that say stuff like that and even worse they also really mean the thoughtless things they say serious. Mostly because I block every account that comes past my way and is not respectful towards Carlos.

And like I have also said before, I have never seen such a hate post before, but hearing about the (anonym) message you have got gives me chills the worst possible way. This just can't be true, or?! I actually don't even know where to start here..

First of all, it's okay for me to send me anonym asks or requests for fics, but if you have to say something, if you want to tell someone your opinion then for fuck's sake have the damn balls to not send it anonym! I'm pretty sure most of those hate messages people receive are because of the damn anonymity of the internet. First those people are cowards in my eyes and second they really need to see a therapist for just thinking stuff like that, not even mention it to write them down, take their time to send it to someone and overall mean that also serious!

In what a sick world are we actually living to wish someone's (long, painful) death and also let his/her loved ones/family watch him/her dying!? How sick is that?!

Yes, Carlos had said/done some things in the past he shouldn't have and he could have at least apologized for it, but that still doesn't give you the right to wish him stuff like that! He is still only human, like you and me. No one, really no one deserves this!

And the thought that some people would really cheer in front of their TV, if something should ever happen to Carlos makes me really, really sick. Because like you have already said, anonym - stuff like that can happen so easily and quickly in this sport. Carlos or anyone else could really die out there! They could really lose their lives, for real!

I really want to know (no, I actually don't even want to know) what goes through those people's mind, what they are thinking when they write those words down. I mean, how would they feel, if they would read stuff like that about themselves somewhere on the internet from complete strangers (even worse, you don't even know their identity)? (God, I really hope Carlos won't ever have to read those kind of messages) How would they feel about that? What would those words make to them? Don't they see their loved ones/family in front of their inner eyes how they would react, if you would be the one passing away? Are they really so cold and heartless to not ask themselves those questions before sending those messages? Do they really don't think at all before? What's wrong with these people? Have they never received any love in their lives?

To your ask about what you should do - talk, talk about it! Talk with your family, friends or with me about it (also anonymous, it's totally alright if want to stay anonym in this case). Talking about it helps, believe me.

I can also call myself lucky once again, because I have never received such hate messages before (this will probably change after this post..),but if I would get any, I would publish them. Maybe I wouldn't respond anything, but I would want people to know about it, because it's not okay, it's actually the worst thing ever.

And maybe, but only maybe, those people will change their minds if they will read other people's thoughts on their death treats, maybe they will finally be able to understand that such things are unacceptable, that they finally need to educate themselves properly, grow up and finally start to be good.

But if you don't want to publish those messages or read any of their words anymore, you should better really deactivate anonym asks. It's really for your own good and mental health, because I can tell you are suffering a lot because of it.

And if I have understood you right here (God, I really hope I haven't) and you actually know the person who has told you this, then please stop any contact with that person, if he/she doesn't want to understand why this is the worst thing ever. Stay away from those people who aren't good for you and who obviously aren't happy with their own lives. You don't need them. You don't have to listen to their sick thoughts.

But please, don't search the problem by yourself - it's really not your fault at all. You can support/be a fan of whoever you want and there will always be people who disagree with you - which is actually okay - but what these people are doing is more than just sick. It's not your fault that people are like that, their problems are not on you.

I hope I could help you here a little, anonym - but don't ever forget, if things should become too much, please talk with someone about it or take a step back from social media.

And please, also don't ever forget - don't fight hate with hate!

Stay safe, anonym and enjoy the good things in life ❤️

[mcyt-sh1t]

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your

presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example?

You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :)

[knightofameris]

period pains pt. 2

a/n: I HAD TO SPLIT IT UP BECAUSE I REALIZED THE TAGS GOT MESSSYYYYYY SO LOL

also just like i mentioned in pt 1, i’m still getting used to writing for haikyuu boys but i think i have an okay grasp at them,,, bokuto is the one i’m least confident on

haikyuu boys taking care of their s/o who’s on their period ;-;

the boys in question: Nishinoya Yuu, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Sawamura Daichi, Bokuto Koutarou [i had to do noya and tanaka cus they’re PERFECT for THIS] [also under the cut, i didn’t realize how long it was ahahah]

[reposting AGAIN because it’s not showing up in the tags ):<]

nishinoya yuu

okay okay let’s say you’re stuck at home and you’re like oh shit

i don’t have anymore pads or tampons

must be pretty shitty so anyway (im sorry im not judging because this deadass happened to me twice LOL)

anyway you decide to text your boyfriend bb noya to get you some

and he’s like !!! I HAVE A MISSION AND IVE GOTTA HELP MY GIRL

because ya know he’s a simp king for yOU his sunshine

so he runs to the store to get you whatever you use

but then he sees all these different types of tampons and pads

this boy is overwhelmed

but then there’s some people in the same aisle as him

a couple he notices, and the girl giggles while whispering to her boyfriend “wow what a sweet boyfriend he is.” and he gets so PROUD

and the girl probably realized how lost he is and just told him to ask you.

so anyways he grabs the ones you told him to and the girl also tells him to get her favorite snacks and chocolate and heat packs and just everything you’d ever need

and he gets them he doesn’t care about no price tag 😤😤 anything for his queen

so when he gets to your place with all of these bags you’re like overwhelmed but your heart just BURSTS because he’s pulling out your favorite snacks and every other item while saying “this is for you in case you want to snack.” or “these heat packs will help your cramps” or “your favorite ghibli movie so we can watch together”

he’s so sweet i love him so much <3

needless to say y’all spend the rest of the day cuddling and stuff <3

tanaka ryuunosuke

okay i just really like the idea of the boys going on a tampon/pad run for you so like

a lot like noya, he is a SIMP KING for YOU his GIRL and he’s on a mission

so when he see’s all of these different types, like noya he’s overWHELMED

so he deadass texts you “what size vagina are you” while sending a photo of all the tampons and pads

what a dumbass

but you love him and at least it got a good laugh out of ya especially with everything.

when he goes to check out he feels people staring at him and but unlike that one text of those series of boyfriends buying pads/tampons for their girlfriends ( i hope you guys know which one i’m talking about)

tanaka would be so proud like “hell yeah i got a girlfriend and hell yeah i’m doing this for her because i LOVE HER”

we stan one man and his name’s tanaka ryuunosuke

anyways on his way home he also stops by a boba store and gets you your favorite drink

how sweet i love him

he also decides to spend the rest of the day with you and y’all watch movies or just sleep and he does whatever he can to help you get through your period

also he might’ve bought you wAY too much

like deadass probably a years worth. his reasoning is that there’s so much BLOOD probably i love him

sawamura daichi

daichi goes dadchi well i mean he is daddy but ya know

anywayyyyyy you probably were complaining to him about how your period was coming soon but that it was also late but you were still having ghost cramps

daichi has a moment of fear because he thinks you’re pregnant but then he remembers that the last time y’all did the do was before your last period, y’all been busy with volleyball and school okay lol

so daichi asks if there’s anything he can do because he wants to help however he can

but you’re probably just shake your head knowing he’s pretty busy with captain duties

he is a responsible dad and you love him for that and you dont want to take him from his kids but he kinda like is hesitant to not do anything for you.

so he just asks you to wait for him after practice so that he could walk you home and he also invites you to watch them

so that’s how you find yourself suddenly very aware of your period coming like the niagra falls and you dash over to your bag to see if you have any pads and for some reason!!! you forgot to restock!!! so you ask kiyoko

and she gives you some of hers

and you rush to the restroom

daichi’s confused but when you get back he looks over at you and has a look of concern so you just smile and give him a nod and a thumbs up

so anyway practice ended earlier than usual (probably because Daichi asked Ukai, but you didn’t know that but you did have a feeling)

Daichi walked with you (and the team also walked with you lol) and he went ahead to the store on the way home and just bought ALL of your favorite snacks AND chocolate

Noya and Tanaka go full on sad mode because they were like “that’s what I WOULD DO if I had a girlfriend” like that one meme with timmy turner’s dad, i hope y’all knwo what im talking about luh mao

so he walks you ALL the way to your place and he decides to stay awhile and your mom LOVES him so she’s fine with him in your room

he cuddles with you the rest of the evening before he has to go home and he makes sure to give you a bunch of forehead kisses or any other type of kisses.

i luv him <3

bokuto koutarou

okay sorry i had to use that gif cus HE’S SO THICC HIS ARMS BRO sorry sorry okay anyways

so you’re probably in hella pain one day but like you’re trying to get through the day with classes

usually you do work after school to wait for bokuto but this was a particularly bad day

so when you told bokuto that you’re gonna head home early he got all emo mode

“wha- do you not love me” and he has those dot eyes and you start to feel bad but like you’re in PAIN but you also know that he doesn’t particularly have the skill to tell how you’re feeling and stuff

ya gotta be really good at open communication with this kid

but open communication is good in general so like ya know

anyway, you’ll probably just tell him that you’re feeling sick because of your period or akaashi might mention something if he’s there

but anyway bokuto becomes hella understanding and tells you to rest up

during practice bokuto gets a little bit worried because he also wants to be a good boyfriend, ya know, so he probably talks to akaashi about all these things he’s going to do (it’s a little bit ,,, much. very extra LMAO)

but akaashi stops him and tells him that something small and simple might be best for you

so, he just makes sure to get some of your favorite snacks and runs on over to your place as soon as practice ends

once he gets to your place and you notice that he got you snacks and such it probably just makes your kokoro go doki doki LMAO

he probably apologizes for not really like realizing you were tired and in pain but you just make grabby motions towards him and he goes :D and dives into your bed, gently

he’s such a baby he probably rests his head ontop of your chest and like his legs are slotted against yours and you just hug him while playing with his hair

he lets you talk about your day and he talks about his day and as the two of you guys talk slowly the two of you fall asleep.

a/n: like i said in pt. 1, i was gon make parts of it nsfw because ya know, sometimes a little spice can help yo cramps LOL so if anyone wants an nsfw version i can do it, also again if someone wants other characters too ill do it. also im so sorry i felt a little lack of motivation for bokuto’s part im a clown

[dumbobsessivebitch]

Dear Stranger

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other  people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you.  I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :) <3

[izzehz]

tw // vent

wonder if i can vent here without anyone knowing about it,, if so that would be so cool and pog. i dont want any of my friends to see these since idk,, i just dont want them to. anyway,, if ik you pls dont read/interact this,, i dont want to deal with your questions and shit,, no offense. recently ive been struggling with my emotions with a certain friend. I’ve liked her for a bit,, i confessed to her recently, which she said she liked me too, but i dont believe her,, i just kinda feel down? she left really quickly once she did,, i think i made her really uncomfy when i confessed and i regret that. we havent really talked since then and i feel like shit. I tried to talk to her on sunday, but it was short-lived and i just,, struggled lol. I hate how ive gained these feelings for her. i feel like i ruined our entire friendship since she doesn’t really talk to me anymore. we dont have the convos we had months ago,, where we would talk for hours. and i feel like we dont since i fucking ruined it. she also texts dryly and sends short messages, which fucks with my head since that tells me that shes not interesting in talking to me. even if it isnt true, i just get insecure and turned off. ever since i started to get these feelings i just ruined everything. i wanna ask her out,, but im afraid of being in a relationship,, plus we don’t talk that much, which kinda turns me off from it. im afraid that she’ll breakup with me too really quickly, since she isn’t ready or something. which is valid, but if thats the case, i dont want to risk my feelings hurting even more. and i recently became friends with this one person,, and theyre super cool,, i can tease the fuck out of them and they can do the same to me,, but i feel like i annoy them. recently they’ve been using more puncuation and smaller and dryer messages and i feel like im just annoying them. and it sucks, since i really like and care for them. i,, just feel like ive been ruining all the friendships/relationships i have because,, im me. i so badly just want to drink alcohol and forget everything. literally everything. i just want to forget myself and become a new person. i want to leave everything behind. im so sick of having to deal with these emotions. school is so fucking hard now and i have no motivation to even continue it. i want to communicate my feelings so badly to people, but i can never do it. due to past experiences,, i just get so anxious and afraid that they’ll shut me down. maybe this is why im posting this post. so i can finally get this shit off of my chest, without, at least hoping, that none of my friends see this since i can’t actually bring it up to them lol. im such a pussy. i hate myself so much and regret every second that i live. this is getting really long lmao but oh well. ive been holding this shit in for weeks and its so strong. i so badly want to cry and just isolate myself from everyone. i want to forget everyone. watch me lose my friends, and her. god,, she has me so fucked up. i love her but,, damn it hurts too. i dont hate her or anything,, i just wish my emotions weren’t like this. theres so much more i could vent about when it comes to my feelings about her, but i wont. in case she does see this i dont want her to think she ruined my life or something. shes made it so much better,, its just the negative things are really consuming my head. if anything, ive noticed this crush is a lot like the crush i had back in 5th grade, for this boy that i loved. he was my bsf too at the time and the timing and situations are way too fucking similar. i never confessed to him tho,, which im sad i didn’t. we probably couldve had something, but i was too much of a pussy to say shit. same with him. at least i wasn’t too much of a pussy with her. but,, the one thing i was afraid of ruining back in the day might be happening now. why is this shit so hard and confusing. wish i could just never get feelings. ive talked a lot about her in this post huh,, jufejf i guess its just been bothering me recently. why do i think everyone hates me? or at least, why do i think that? its so stupid. no matter how much reassurance people give me,, my brain just refuses to believe them. my brain never fucking does. it probably will never either. im hoping that since this post is really long that this will turn people off from reading it. im so afraid of hurting the people i care about in this post,, this is probably another reason why i never vent. i dont want to hurt peoples feelings. i always manage on doing that tho. intentional or not. sorry if my grammar and structure is bad. im stupid lol. lets hope nothing goes to shit when i post this <3

[rexcoatlarchive]

Twisted Fate

Alarms were going off in Novum Chaldea's control room! It was an emergency! The three masters along with Mash and Quetz came into the control room to learn what had happened.

Rex: what happened?

Rikko: yeah, what's with the alarms?

Da Vinci: a new singularity has been detected.

Rikka: what?!

Da Vinci: yes, we had detected it earlier but it seemed so minor that we figured it would solve itself.

Holmes: but that's no longer the case. It's grown since then and now it's nearly as bad as the singularities from the incineration of humanity.

Rex: holy crap!

Sion: so we're sending you lot to go fix this just like before. Thankfully unlike those singularities this one's localized to one large portion so it should be relatively straightforward once you get there.

Rikko: where is the singularity?

Da Vinci: it's actually in Orleans again.

Rex: huh, that's interesting.

Da Vinci: anyways get ready to go you three, we need to fix this as soon as possible!

All 3 masters: on it!

The 5 of them find themselves in the French countryside once again

Mash: it seems we managed to get here smoothly this time.

Da Vinci, over comms: we've sent far enough away as to not get caught up in whatever's happening but close enough so you can get their quickly.

Rex: thanks Da Vinci.

The group heads into the city, where the disturbance is coming from and see a very unexpected sight.

Quetz: it's one of those giant ghost enemies.

Rex: this one's different... but familiar.

Rikka: wait a minute! Isn't that how Ereshkigal looked in Kur?

Rikko: that's right!

Berserk Eresh: Raaaaahhh!!!

The giant ghost is seen whipping up a wind storm that terrorizes the city and is wielding a huge spear.

Rex: why is she so angry?

Mash: senpai look!

Rex looks right underneath the raging Goddess and sees a human. A woman with brown hair tied in a braid, she seemed unconscious and bleeding.

Quetz: maybe that's the source of her anger?

Rex: it's possible.

Rikka: wait a minute! She's wearing a mystic code!

Rikko: huh?

Rex: you're right! But how?

Quetz: mi amor I don't think now's the time to question that!

As she says this the berserking goddess sees the group

Berserk Eresh: STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!

As she says this she swings her spear at the group, they manage to dodge but it was very close.

Rex: fucking hell!

Mash: we gotta stop her! She's too angry!

Eventually the goddess lifts up her spear readying a big attack!

KUR KI GAL IRKALLA

MOLD CAMELOT

Mash manages to put up the walls of the false Camelot to protect them from the goddesse's attack.

Rex: ok that was a lot! Quetz! Give her a taste of her own medicine!

Quetz: si!

After that Quetzalcoatl engulfs herself in huge flames, eventually creating a huge serpent shape to attack the other goddess.

XIUHCOATL

The attack weakens the huge ghost who then returns to her more humanoid form, lying on the ground next to the human woman she seemed to be protecting. Thankfully it seems she took the whole of the attack and the human was left unharmed.

Rex: now we can investigate this person.

The group go up to the unconscious woman. Rex reaching his hand out only for the weakened goddess to grab his arm.

Eresh, weakly: dont... hurt... her...

Rex: we won't

Rikko: we want to help.

The group sees that there's a large glowing spike stabbed into the girl's back.

Rex: what the hell...?

Rikka: it might be magical?

Rikko: then we'll probably need a Caster.

As such they summon Merlin to help out.

Merlin: very interesting!

Rikka: what is it?

Merlin: this stone is not only slowly killing this woman but it's also what's turning Ereshkigal so berserk.

Rikko: well can you get rid of it?

Merlin: I can negate the spell, but you'll need a medical professional to help remove the actual spike.

As he says this he uses a spell to disable the glow from the stone, already the fallen goddess seems more calm.

Merlin: well there's the spell deactivated!

Rex: thanks again!

They then summon Nightingale, who helps remove the spike and repair the wound.

Nightingale: she's still weak, It'll be some time before she's better.

Rikko: well that's good to hear.

Rikka: Da Vinci? Is everything good?

Da Vinci: well the singularity is back to the weakened form we originally sensed. It might've been this woman originally.

Rex: well what should we do now?

Sion: if she's the source of the singularity we should just wait until she wakes up and talk to her.

After a while the girl finally awakens.

Rex: hey there! How ya doing?

???: ...I'm kinda hurt. Who are you?

Rex: you can call me Rex and these are the twins: Rikko, and Rikka. And you're name?

???: Faye...

Quetz: Faye, where did you come from?

Faye stands up properly, now seeming to feel better.

Faye: novum chaldea, in the wandering sea.

The 5 of them: Huh!?

Ereshkigal is finally back to her normal self and is excited to see Faye seeming to get better.

Eresh: Faye! Thank goodness, I was so worried!

Faye: everything's OK my goddess, they helped me!

Eresh turns back to the group.

Eresh: I'm so sorry about my behavior, I don't know what got into me.

Rex: it's alright, it was the magical stone.

Rikko: do you have any idea who hit you with this?

Faye: before I was knocked out we encountered Koyanskaya. We tried to fight her but she managed to stick that thing into me. After that... I was put.

Eventually Faye's comms start up

Da Vinci?: Faye! Finally we're able to communicate again! Are you alright?

Faye: yeah... thanks to these guys.

Rex: huh...

Eventually Rex's comms start up

Da Vinci: what is going on? Why is there another master of Chaldea talking to another me?

Sion: must be another dimension, just like how Musashi is just able to warp dimensions randomly.

Other Sion: oh my! Another me! That's amazing!

Rex: ok, but can we focus for a sec, it seems at least one version of Koyabitch is out there to deal with

Other Sion: actually not really, right before we lost communications we saw that she had left already, confident that she ended Faye, it seems tho that she was wrong.

Rex: oh... cool.

Quetz: that's great to hear, so now what?

Sion: well since there's no worry about singularities anymore you guys can rest up if you want.

Faye: sounds nice.

Rex: yeah

For a long time, the group talks to each other, comparing similarities and differences between their timelines. Eventually an interesting topic comes up.

Rex: so you've also met another chaldean master besides me and you?

Faye: yeah, Maya she's pretty fun. We encountered her and Abby in a similar scenario to this... minus the whole Koyabitch thing.

Rex: not that similar at that point.

Faye: yeah... so you've met another master too?

Rex: yeah, Ayako, She's a nice artist but also likes to keep to herself. That's fine tho since I'm much the sake.

Faye: cool, actually now that I think about it... I think I've heard of you before from Maya

Rex: huh? How?

Maya: yeah yeah yeah, she said something about you swapping servants with another master called Kiryu swapped. Like how I swapped with Maya.

Rex: ...I don't remember swapping with anyone.

Faye: really? Could've sworn she mentioned that... maybe I misremebered.

Rikko: thanks goodness, they haven't, I'd rather not think about his reaction to losing Quetz.

Rex: ...

Faye: well regardless it's still nice to meet you guys. Maybe our Da Vincis can work to connect our comms and we can communicate with each other.

Sion: already done!

Faye: huh?

Rex: well we already had ways to talk with Ayako so she probably used that as basis.

Faye: that's cool!

As the masters talk, their servants talk aswell.

Quetz: so this Maya has been giving you advice? That's nice

Eresh: yup, her and Kama's advice has been helpful. When I actually build up the confidence to do anything with it.

Quetz: oh... Kama

Eresh: is something wrong?

Quetz: I'm not on the greatest terms with her...

Eresh: really? Why?

Quetz: oh I dunno, might be her constantly trying to seduce my husband right in front of me, so much so that in one day she managed to be more annoying then BB and Kiara combined!

Eresh: wait... how did you avoid being absorbed into the Ooku?

Quetz: Sion says it might be me and master's contract. He didn't use Chaldea to summon me but a traditional summoning circle.

Eresh: he can handle that!?

Quetz: his circuits are... scarily good according to the staff at chaldea. He knows very little but has tremendous potential.

Eresh: amazing!

Eventually the groups finished resting and decide to leave finally.

Rex: it was nice to meet you Faye

Faye: same here Rex! Talk to you surprisingly soon!

Rex: seeya!

Later

Rex, talking on a communicator: so I actually managed to talk to another master Ayako! It was crazy!

Ayako: damn, another one huh? You think there's something to all this?

Rex: ...maybe... hey wait where are you? I thought I heard water or something?

Ayako: I'm at a beach in the simulator, Count insisted I needed to relax so here we are.

Rex: anything to see Dantes in his beach clothes huh?

Ayako: ...don't act like you're not the same with Quetz and her little super suit.

Rex: ...touche. anyways, Sion managed to figure out a way for me to communicate with Faye, hopefully I can introduce you to her soon.

Ayako: sounds nice, anyways I gotta go, seeya.

Rex: bye!

A/N: lil crossover with Rex and Faye, with others being mentioned and Ayako cameo. Name is a twist on the Faye/Maya crossover name. Hopefully you guys liked it.

[lieblxng]

im developing a lot of aus including the reverse au which is currently only available for rose, but leon also has it developed, i just forgot to put it in the verses page for him haha but wow im developing a reverse verse for a chara i dont have??? i might as well throw damos on the blog and be the only person in the pkmn rpc who plays him LMAO i cant help falling for obscure characters but i think he might have a better chance in getting interactions than my etrian odyssey muses but no if anyone wants to do damos,,,,you can hmu 😳😳 i cant reply it or see it if you do tho LMAOO

anyway reverse!damos here who goes by lazarus (meaning: my god has aided me) is not a nice farmer unlike his normal verse, instead being akin to a mercenary, but he kinda fills in the role of marcus - he has the ability to manipulate the hearts of pokemon, even legendaries and because of this, he’s been fiddling with legendaries and experimenting with things to try something out - and while reverse!arceus has been severely weakened from an intense fight or a meteorite too (im still figuring it out) and lost its life plates, lazarus finds it. it’s on the brink of dying, and instead of returning the plates like a nice person, lazarus only thinks of profit and benefitting himself - because it’s so vulnerable, it manipulates reverse!phae into summoning the lake guardians, where it promptly fights them and steals their gems before kicking them into the dirt. then he uses said gems to restraint and fully take control of reverse!phae before inserting the plates back into it, saying it will only get them back if it corporates. yes, lazarus literally pulls a cyrus being the first one to actually create a draft of the red chains to have arceus under its command. one of cyrus’ pc posts is “According to myths, the Pokémon created Sinnoh with its power. However, capturing the Pokémon with a Poké Ball prevents it from using its full power... But with the Red Chain, the Pokémon can be shackled, and its power can be used without restraint...” and he’s implying arceus with the first mention of pokemon, so maybe the red chains can be used on god??? i dont see why not, although the lake guardian was made more to check the creation trio than god itself, but why wouldn’t you have checks against god? “The Pokémon of the lakes and Mt. Coronet are somehow connected. Capturing the Pokémon of the lakes will free the Pokémon of Mt. Coronet. From the Pokémon of the lakes, crystals can be extracted to create a Red Chain.” i know he implies the creation trio with pkmn of mt. coronet but technically arceus lives in mt. coronet as the hall of origins can be summoned there LEMME HAVE THIS - 

originally i was going to have reverse!arceus be a completely neutral god, both in personality and how it handled things - just create life, casually, and just head out and do nothing for them - “the humans can handle their planet however they wish to. if they destroy it, they destroy it.” and i was trying to redesign it and it kept coming up as punk (more below because this is a long ass post)

so i was like, aight i guess i’ll go with what my heart wants but something still didnt feel right, because punk is an expression more than just a simple fashion statement - it was created to rebel against those who tried to hold you down and mold you into who they wanted you to be. to defy the shitty standards of what’s supposedly normal. and then it all clicked when i looked at this vid 

ive heard the music itself and one of my favs, but not the music video so i kinda just exploded with ideas and it really completed the punk i wanted to go with - funny thing, im a bad character designer so i scrapped the punk look and pulled a unique thing with phae’s case - legendaries and mythics are statements of unchanging, fixated ways while normal, evolvable pokemon are statements of improvement and change - growth, which is something phae is completely jealous of. gods don’t evolve; they don’t change. so i thought, why not keep its original look (i love it too much anyway and i cant think of anything better tbh for phae) to reflect that aspect but have the way it governs and behaves different? normal!phae and reverse!phae are still similar but opposite - normal being the kind, caring god and reverse being the relentless, uncaring god. both are the two most popular aspects and themes of gods and how they treat those beneath them, so i thought it worked.

reverse!phae never wanted to be a god. it’s immature and uncaring on purpose to get the attention of the creator of the original one itself; to be a sign of rebel, to show that it was its own character and no one can morph it into what they want it to be. it revels in its creations screaming in pain, as nothing else entertains it so and because it empathizes with them. it sends the world into pure chaos a majority of time so no one enjoys living. seeing its creations, both human and pokemon, excel in the trials and tribulations of this hell; seeing them perform so expertly under extreme stress, how humans and pokemon can come together and defeat anythin - and rebelling in their own right and way give reverse!phae so much hope and relief. that it’ll be able to do the same. and once reverse!phae does get its creators attention, you bet it’s gonna be very angry on why it exists. it might even try to murk its creator. it’s more of a “i didn’t ask to be born so i’m gonna make it your problem” type of person, and a god prone to violence - often fighting with its own creations, like even the lake trio and the creation trio. but it checks them all every time, and it’s so hungry for an actual fight that reverse!phae can actually work for and struggle for and feel like it actually won. and that’s when lazarus comes in. that’s where lazarus comes in.

how much it hates lazarus. how much it hates lazarus. it hates everyone, but lazarus has a special kind of hatred reserved just for him. in fact, hatred isn’t the proper word to explain the intense, raw, unfiltered feelings reverse!phae has for him. on one hand, it absolutely respects the honest work he puts in to further himself, but on the other hand, being the one on the receiving end of his malicious intentions is never ideal. it has no interest in whatever petty crimes he wants to commit, but trying to take god and become it yourself? completely admirable. a fantastic way to rebel, but having to have someone chain you down and control you? reverse!phae’s worst nightmare. i’ll get into that later since this is already long enough god help me

is reverse!phae messed up? yes, severely. that’s kinda what happens when you rot alone in the depths of dark space for eons. no human nor pokemon - no, no living being can ever handle that. both normal! and reverse!phae have the same backstory, but different reactions to it. reverse!phae wants everyone to scream and lash out, it wants everyone to rebel against their origins and become their own people, even with the immense baggage on their shoulders. it wants everyone to risk death to accomplish their dreams. it laughs in everyone's faces before spitting in them. i think reverse!phae will be one of my most violent takes on a muse, if not, my most since it is god and the shit it talks can easily be proven right. it constantly berates and breaks people down into pieces. no one understands it. it hates everyone and everything it sees. it doesn’t need love and kindness, it just needs a body to break. which is untrue, because obviously its yearning for love and kindness - something its never experienced - and it’s lashing out for attention. secretly hoping someone will just hug it and all its problems away. that everything will be okay in the grand scheme of things. that it won’t have to have the unlimited stress of being a god anymore.

usually when i put my touch on muses, canon or not, they’re primarily good people with hearts of gold. even with ones less so, they’re not as intense as this. so working with that kind of character is thrilling and i’m excited to see if i can get anyone interested with it lmao- reverse!phae’s name might be nou or chali, what would be better? sorry this was such a long post!! i’ve been working on this since last night and it’s been really fun to develop like this again - i only get this kind of productive with my hyperfixations, so they’re both a blessing and a curse -  i think this is everything i have rn for the reverse au but ii’ll be going back into it