#also i had my first PT for my back today and im still thinking about how the dude laughed when i answered his question

[81folklore]

dress - SV5

pairings: sebastian vettel x famous!reader (fc: taylor swift)

summary: its known that seb has been married for a few years now despite the public never seeing is wife, its also known that yn is in a committed relationship and has been since she disappeared from public eye. maybe they are more connected than people realise

authors note: i have had this idea on my mind for SO LONG so im very pleased to finally be writing it. essentially in this, yn is taylor and seb is joe but no one has ever seen him nor know his name, if that makes sense? honestly i have no clue how this will turn out but i needed to write it

authors note 2: this is set in the midnights era however i switched the songs a bit so ‘dress’ is on midnights instead of ‘sweet nothing’ and vice versa!! also ‘dress’ is going to be a single. i also apologize for how all over the place this is, especially the tweets

authors note 3: just pretend whatever says taylor swift says your name and the photos with her hands have a wedding ring!! i also got so confused when trying to screenshot the twitter stuff so the timeline ones are backwards

authors note 4??: haha didnt realise there was a 30 pic limit... pt 2 here :)

masterlist

ynupdates

liked by user3, user18 and 10,628 others

yn on her story today, possibly posting song lyrics! thoughts?

view comments

user3: NEW ERA INCOMING

user18: OH I AM SO READY FOR THIS

user13: NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

user66: is this hinting at her reputation era?

user13: i was just thinking this, more specifically the time just before reputation

user72: MUSIC ABOUT LOVER?? OH I AM SO HERE FOR IT

user55: if it is about lover and the time before reputation this will BREAK ME like,, HE SAW THE BEST IN HER EVEN IN HER WORST TIMES😭😭

yourusername

liked by gracieabrams, ynupdates, olliebearman and 7,277,739 others

everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about…

this album has been such a rewarding piece to create and im so glad that soon enough you will all be able to listen and enjoy it with me! one thing i love in particular about this album is the song ‘dress’

dress was originally a piece i started to write when making reputation however i felt it was right to keep it to myself, to keep it between my partner and i for a little while longer. however recently our lives have been changing for the better, and while that lid of privacy will still be on, i want to share more with you guys

you have all been on this journey with me and you have treated my partner and i with the upmost respect and for that i thank you. for me dress is a letter, its statement, its a declaration of my love for him and im very grateful to be able to give this to you all

this song is one im very proud of, i really enjoyed writing this the first time, and getting to revist and polish it up felt very special to do.

dress out now on all platforms🖤

comments on this post have been limited

sebupdates

liked by user34, user5, user88 and 23,683 others

seb in suzuka with the grid at his turn 2 bee (insect) hotels,, we've missed seeing him at the track :(

view comments

user3: of course the grid come together for him :’)

user5: im not crying!! just hay fever!!

user5: oh i have missed him SO MUCH

user7: NO BECAUSE YOU DONT GET IT HES BACK

user88: DID YOU GUYS SEE THE VIDEO OF HIM HUGGING CHARLES😭😭

user34: the way he was like a teacher throughout the whole thing😭

user18: does anyone know if hes staying the whole weekend or is it like monaco??

sebupdates: we believe hes staying the whole weekend but unsure if hes with a team or not!

user18: ok thank you :)

user77: the way the first thing lewis asked him was if his wife was okay, oh what if i cry😭😭

user66: im kind of new here, have the grid met sebs wife?

user77: i know they all at least know about her and know who she is, i dont think everyone has met her but i know lewis has met her quite a bit!!

part 2!

[tan1shere]

Slumber Party

Ellie williams x fem reader!

A/n: Hello my lovelies, first post on here (more active on wattpad) but thought I'd occasionally post here when I'm bored. If you have any requests at all they're definitely open! Also this is kinda short but I don't plan on making the next part as short. Enjoyyyy ☆°•

My masterlist

Summary: like the song slumber party. Ellie thinks she can treat you better then your shitty girlfriend

Warnings: smut, (not in this chapter) read at your own risk (mdni) Dom but soft, protective, ellie! Reader is quite innocent, is very soft also. Cunnilingus (duh- also not in this chapter) your girlfriend in this is an asshole. Abuse, somewhat angst, crying. Lmk if there was anything else!

Pt 2 here! ~ pt 3 here!

Ellie hated Isabel, your girlfriend. She treated you horribly, and Ellie really hated when you'd bawl your eyes out over the phone to her whenever Isabel would storm out of your shared apartment. She hated the fact anyone would make you cry. She never liked seeing you unhappy. Isabel shared this hatred. She never liked you hanging around Ellie, even if you have known Ellie almost all your life. She would scold you after everytime you and her would hang out. You'd come back to the apartment smiling. "What're you smiling about?" You just smile more happy to tell. "Ellie she makes the funniest jo-" "I don't like you being round her Y/n." You would always stare blankly at her, struggling to find the words, leaving your mouth open while you ponder.

Today was not off to a great start. Ellie had just been over, you two were having such a great time. "I should probably get going squirt." She would flash her smile at you, ruffling your hair slightly, as she stood to go to the door. Ellie was a bit older then you, and come to think of it so was Isabel. Let's just say you had a thing for older ladies. (Only by like 6 years) You also stand up, seeing her out and saying goodbye. But as you open the door you're met woth those dark brown eyes. Isabel had just arrived back from work. She glares at the auburn haired girl, making her way inside. "Well hi to you too." Ellie scoffs then looks at you. "Text you when im home." You give her a small nod and a smile before she leaves to her car. You turn around to be faced with a stern Isabel. "You know how I feel about her being in our home. Especially when I'm not here." You never really talk back to Isabel you always apologize and go into the kitchen to make food. She was truly a bitch and she started showing her true colors the moment you two moved in together. You never understood what you would do so wrong. You made every dinner. Every lil food she'd want. The laundry. Just to please her. And although it'd work, it'd never last. "I'm sorry Iz.. She just really wanted to show me this art she was working on and in person. Nothing more I swear." She let's out a scoff. "Why should I believe you it's almost every day you spend with her. It's sickening and pathetic." You stare at her as she says that. She would always make you feel stupid. When in fact you were quite smart you knew what most things meant. Maybe not so much bedroom stuff. But you were book smart nonetheless. Speaking of bedroom. You were basically a virgin. You've kissed Isabel many times done a lil something here and there but it was definitely not much. So you were certainly not confident on that subject. Although Ellie would tell you all sorts of stories about the girls she's been with. It fascinated you to learn all these new terms and what everything was. "I promise to talk to you before hand next time-" She instantly cuts you off. "Why are you still standing here. Cook, I've been working all day." She spits going to your guys shared bedroom. You sigh doing so. And that was your life.

It was maybe a couple weeks after, you had felt like you were coming down with something so you decided that bed rest was the best thing. It was now 3 in the afternoon. You were sleeping in your bed when the door busted open. "What the fuck are you still doing in bed it's almost 4!" Isabel was home and not happy. You sit up a bit. "Yes I know I'm sorry bu-" She drops her bags. "This place is a mess, there's dishes out. Foods not even ready. Laundry is still in the hamper. What fucking else." You look at her softening your look. "Iz, I'm sorry- I woke up feeling horrid so I decided to stay in bed." She shakes her head. "Even when I have the worst headache known to man I still get my ass up and work. You know all that sweet money, I work for that. And you work here that is your job." This was one of the moments were you'd feel bad for yourself. Weak. Weaker right now considering you're sick. You look down at the sheets. "Are you even listening to me? You spoiled brat." She doesn't do what she does next often but when she does you know you're in the shit. She hits you. Hard. "Wonder why I have a headache all the time. It's you and your whiney voice. Look at how pathetic you are." She glares down at your drowsy figure. You feel tears finally sting as you had held them in. Refusing to let yourself be so weak, but you give in. Feeling overwhelmed with emotions right now. "What the fuck are you gunna be like when I go away in a few weeks huh? You better keep this place spotless you know about the cameras. I'll be watching you." Yes. The oh so lovely cameras. They're only in the kitchen, living room and laundry. The only places you slave away at. "I will iz I promise." She hums. "I'll believe it when i see it. I needa go out and grab some stuff. Make sure dinners ready when I get back." She says before getting her keys and leaving. You then sob. Letting it all out as you shakily grab your phone going to the only person who knows how to comfort you. Ellie.

When she arrives not long after, giving a honk. You go outside and get in the passenger seat. "Off anywhere?" You shake your head. "No that's alright. I don't want to get yelled at.." Ellie sighs. "Bub, you can't keep letting her treat you like this-" "if I left I'd have nowhere to go Els.." She keeps looking at you. "Yes you do. Mine." You let out a small breath looking down at your hands. "Everythings so messy." She nods, even if you can't see. "I know angel but my offer still and will forever stand. I think you should take it." You just wipe the small tears forming at your eyes. "How was your day?" She hates how you change the subject. She always has. She wants to talk about it with you more. Comfort you more. "Pretty easy going. Do you want a hug love?" You shake your head. "Its best if you don't come near me right now-" "I promise it's not gunna affect me if you cry. You know that." You nod. "I know, but I'm sick- thats why she yelled at me.." She furrows her brows. "She got mad at you because you weren't feeling well? What a fucking bitch." You sigh, in the midst of a slight cough. "Angel you should go back in and rest. Let me help-" You immediately shake your head. "She'd know you were there. I- I couldn't risk that." You always felt awful. Not because you got yelled at but because she would want to pick a fight with Ellie too. Ellie was older then Iz too, more mature. Never bought into her crap. "I'll make sure she doesn't yell at you, you really need rest you work your ass off-" You stop her talking. "I don't want her to try anything with you Els." She shakes her head. "She won't. I promise just let me make you some soup and tuck you in. Please, just that." You contemplate whether or not you should but you nod regardless.

She was making the soup trying to be as speedy in hopes she wouldn't bump into Isabel. "Here you go. Say you made it for yourself. I also cleaned a lil." She sends you a wink. And when she says a lil she means the whole lot. "Els, you seriously didn't have to." She smiles gently. "No but I wanted to. I also made something else. Knowing grump would be hungry when she gets back." You look at her so thankful. "You have no idea how much I appreciate you." She gives you a kiss on the head. "Call if you need anything else. I love you." She says while looking in your eyes. "I love you too Els." You respond sweetly. Oh how stupid you were to realize how INlove she was with you. But she plans to show you sooner or later. As she's the one you should truly, be with.

[princesachicana]

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 pt.2

a/n: it's finally here!! how long has it been?! first things first i want to say thank you to everyone who's been rooting for this fic!! I honestly hit a huge writers block and had no motivation to write!! but all the sweet messages from people saying they enjoyed my work has made me so happy!!! SO ONCE AGAIN THANK U AND I HOPE U ENJOY!! I tried my EXTRA HARDEST SO I HOPE THIS GIVES U THE CLOSURE YALL WANTED I LOVE YOU SM! ALSO THIS IS NOT PROOF READ SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY MISTAKES!! I JUST WANTED TO FINALLY POST FOR U GUYS!!

It took a lot out of you not to stay in bed the next morning. The softness of your bed wrapped around your body gives you some sort of comfort. But of course, staying in bed would only make you feel worse. At least if you got up it would be easier to fake happiness. To no surprise, your phone was flooded with missed calls and texts from both Steven and Belly. Of course, you only responded to belly telling her that you'll explain your reasoning for ditching your "date" with Steven later.

Why did Steven even bother leaving you so many texts last night? If you were such a bother to him? Annoying. That's what he thinks you are. And what if you never heard those disgusting things he said about you? and went on the date with him? Would he just continue to lead you on?

Steven: waiting for you by the pool.

Steven: ur late

Steven: u look pretty even though i can't even see you. pls im starving

Steven: is belly holding you hostage?

Steven: it's been 18 minutes cmon.

Steven: the guys are going to laugh at me for being stood up I'm getting nervous.

Steven: did something happen are you okay?

Steven: belly is worried as well lmk.

You laughed at the messages blinking back angry tears that threatened to fall. Gosh! he was so fake. You could only imagine how relieved he must have been to not hang out with you.

Belly: have funnnn

Belly: no funny business!!

Belly: wait where did you go?!

Belly: Steven keeps pacing back and forth waiting for u

Belly: what’s going on?

Belly: just let us know ur okay

Belly: y/n ??!?!??

Y/n: hey, something came up last night sorry I had you worried. can u come over?

Belly arrived 20 minutes later. You spent the time together watching reruns of your favorite Disney show. “Do you want to talk about it?” Belly asked after a while, noticing something was bothering you.

“I overheard the guys talking about me last night.” You fiddled with the throw blanket that was on your lap. “At first it was just them teasing Steven about our date or whatever.” You took a deep breath upset that you felt like crying. “But Steven only agreed to hang out with me…” You paused blinking back tears. Belly moved closer immediately pulling you into a hug. “He only agreed to hang out with me…so I could stop annoying him! I honestly don’t know what I did wrong?” You pulled away from belly’s arms wiping your tears that had fallen.

“Maybe I was too forward? but I just wanted to see if he felt the same way…it was dumb.” You shrugged. Belly shook her head “Nope my brother is a fucking idiot!” she stood up taking your hand in hers and pulling you up. “I won’t let you mope around all day because of him!” You sighed “I don’t even have a choice do I?” Belly laughed shaking her head. “What do you say we go to the boardwalk? Taylor’s coming in today too” she smirked.

“And maybe someone would be happy to see you I don’t know” she whispered with a grin. “What are you talking about?” You questioned. “Well you know Xavier..the one that works the lemonade stand?” You nodded your head yes. “Well, he totally has the hots for you.” You cringed at her word choice. “He does not!” You laughed. “Oh, he does! you were too busy ogling my brother last summer you didn’t notice him ogling you.” she poked your side teasingly.

“Now let’s go!”

~

“Stay still before I poke your eye out” Taylor groans finishing up your eyeliner. You were now at the Fisher’s beach house getting ready to go down to the boardwalk. You laugh pulling away “I think that’s enough…if you make my eyeliner any thicker I’d cry!” Taylor playfully pushes your head away. “Sorryyyyy i want to make Xavier fall to his knees when he sees you!” You frown when she brings that name up. Sure, Xavier was a nice guy…and he was cute…but he wasn’t Steven.

You’d always imagined Steven being your first everything. First kiss, first date, first time. It was something you’d dreamt of all this time.

“Yeah…im going to get a snack before we head out do y’all want anything?” You ask heading towards the door. Both girls gave you a sympathetic smile shaking their heads no.

As you reached the kitchen you stopped in your tracks. Steven turned from looking into the fridge. You made eye contact for about 5 seconds before you beelined for the cabinets. “Hey,” Steven broke the silence as you pulled out a granola bar. You felt the warmth of his stare and turned finding him now leaning against the counter. “Hey…” you whispered looking anywhere but his face. “So you gonna tell me what happened last night?” Steven crossed his arms around his chest.

“Just didn’t feel up for it anymore ..” You shrugged nonchalantly. “That’s it?” Steven scoffed. “Yeah…that’s it” you whispered about to walk away. “What’s going on? I’m like so confused right now.” Steven gently gripped your arm. “Nothing just forget it…it’s not like you wanted to go anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “And what makes you think that?” He muttered eyes scouring your face for the truth. “Um, I don’t know let’s see …you quite literally ignored me this entire week!” You responded sarcastically.

“I didn’t mean to. I had a lot of shit on my mind alright?” Steven uttered softly. It almost felt genuine. The words he spoke just last night almost became liquid. “Yeah like what?” You whispered eventually looking into his eyes. “You can tell me..” You spoke gently stepping into him closer. No matter how much he’s hurt you. Steven would always make you melt. “Nothing let’s just forget about it…he pulled away opening up the fridge once again.”

It was like a switch was flipped. How he went right back to that cold shoulder he had been giving you all week. “You're a fucking asshole” You spewed, already ready to walk out of the kitchen. “Where are you going?” He abruptly spoke again. “The boardwalk…you know? so I won’t annoy you here.” With that, you left a confused and remorseful Steven behind.

~

“Hey, look y/n why don’t you go get a lemonade?” Belly suggested with an eyebrow raise. Shit. you were hoping they forgot about that. “Guys I don’t feel up for this..” You pouted looking between both Taylor and Belly. “Noooo go talk to him! you look hot as fuck.” Taylor gently grabbed your face giving you a mini pep talk.

“What if Xavier wants to hang out..I cant just ditch you guys?!?” You were stalling and they knew it. “We’ll be here waiting for you” Belly smiled. “Just try to have fun alright? But hey if you don’t really want to do it …we’ll back off” She narrowed her eyes at Taylor. “No…I’ll go” You laughed giving both of them a hug “Thank you guys.i really appreciate this.” You’d definitely still be moping around in your room about Steven if it wasn’t for Belly and Taylor. They both wished you luck as you headed straight for the lemonade stand.

As soon as he spotted you. The biggest smile spread across his face. “y/n? damn, it’s been so long” Xavier greeted you with a hug. “It’s only been a year!” You playfully ruffled his curly hair that sat atop his head. “That’s way too long…I enjoy seeing pretty girls year-round.” He spoke smoothly, he definitely knew how to talk to girls. “Shut up” You laughed pushing him away with not that much force.

“I have an hour lunch break…you up for arcade games?”

~

“So…you seeing anyone?” Xavier asked as he ate a scoop of his mint chocolate chip ice cream. You thought about it for a moment. Technically no you weren’t seeing anyone. But you knew you were still hung up on Steven. A day at the boardwalk with Xavier wouldn’t change that. “It’s complicated…I guess” Xavier sighed “I've been there…it’s rough” You nodded you were curious as to what he meant but you didn’t want to be nosey.

“Hey, look they have street fighter..” Xavier smirked. “Want to go a couple of rounds?” You nodded immediately pulling him towards the game. “Mhhm loser buys the winner a funnel cake!” You suggested with a chuckle. “Ouuu im so down y/n” Xavier squeezed your hand that held his quickly striding towards the arcade game.

Just two more steps, Just two more steps and you’d be fine. The rowdy yelling completely threw you off. You stopped in place looking behind you where the voices were coming from. You had no time to move out of the way, no time to prevent this from happening.No time to stop the trio of boys that you knew all too well. Suddenly a body collided with Xavier, the force immediately making your intertwined hands lose. “Dude, what the fuck?” Xavier groaned. It was then that you snapped back into reality. Eyes wide when you noticed Xavier’s ice cream now all over his shirt.

“What’s up? how are we doing?” That voice full of humor made you scoff. Steven stood tall a smile on his face. You hated that it kind of made your heart flutter. “Steven, what is your problem?” You gestured towards Xavier’s now ice cream stained shirt. “He’ll be fine y/n it’ll wash out.” Steven laughed, but once he noticed you didn’t find this funny at all he frowned. “I’m sorry man, I just came over to say what’s up..” You ignored Steven’s apology not believing he meant it. “Hey want me to help you get cleaned up?” You asked Xavier voice full of concern.

“No.I got it…I’ll see y’all later.” Xavier spoke nonchalantly as he walked away. When he was out of eyesight you brushed past steven heading out the door.

“Y/n” Steven immediately followed behind you. His long legs make it easier for him to catch up with you. “You embarrassed me” You stopped outside the arcade, letting him pull you to the side. “Embarrassed? sorry to interrupt your little date” Steven scoffed. “It's not a date we were just hanging out, why do you care?” You groaned running your hands down your face. “Maybe because just yesterday you were supposed to hang out with me?” Steven spoke definitively.

“Oh my god, just earlier you agreed to forget about it,” you said with an eye roll. “It was dumb, stop acting like you care just go home Steven I did you a favor.” He shook his head “What are you talking about right now?” Steven pulled you in closer, one of his hands placed on your waist. The other coming to the side of your face, willing you to look at him.

“I heard you.i heard everything,” you spoke up voice hoarse. Steven’s heart carried pain at the tears that stood brimming in your eyes. The realization was clear when he made the connection. “And you know..who cares what Jeremiah and Conrad think! what hurt the most was you.” You shrieked. You hated that you were crying in front of him. You hated that when he hauled you against his chest you felt secure.

“I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry” Steven sounded voice vulnerable. Leaving kisses atop your head. “Why would you say that?” you sobbed breaking down in front of the boy who caused it. “I didn't mean any of it” Steven brought your face between his hands once again. “But you said it..it still fucking hurts Steven.”

You wiped your face getting prepared to pull away and walk back home.

“Wait, please let me talk to you.” Steven begged. “okay” you replied being prepared to cry all over again. “My head has been all fucked up..and that isn't an excuse I know” Steven looked down as if he couldn't construct the next words. “Please don't shut me out.” you pleaded gently. “I want you...i have all this time.” Steve confessed for the first time.

“—And I didn't want to fuck anything up we've..been so close all our lives if I ever messed that up I would never forgive myself.” It's as if you were dreaming, the boy you loved stood in front of you disclosing his feelings for you. “And what? this whole week of you acting cold towards me, were you trying to avoid your feelings?” Steven bobbed his head “Yes, if I lied to myself it would make lying to everyone else easier because the fucking truth is I want you so bad” You didn't tell him but at that moment you forgave him.

“And you called me the annoying one?” You giggled pushing on his chest gently. “Right now we could have been making out on the beach….but noo you had to be a brooding boy” Steven tickled your side, causing you to squirm in his arms. “Yeah, my fault can I kiss you now? been practically wanting to my whole life.” Steven threw his head back fake pouting setting one hand over his chest. You figured you'd throw his words right back at him. “You're so desperately desperate”

Steven smirked “Yeah for you? I am” Those words welcomed a whole lot of beautiful feelings. At that moment is when Steven bent down bringing his lips down onto your own. As your lips moved together, butterflies erupted in your belly. You smiled against his lips when you both needed a breath. “Hey, by the way, your not off the hook.. I'm still sort of pissed at you.” You declared pointing a finger into his chest.

“Yeah, I figured” He laughed wrapping his arms even tighter around you. “How about I make it up to you this whole week? I'm taking you out on dates…ill even get on my knees if I have to. I'm going to follow you around like a puppy.” Steven rambled on. You laughed out loud covering your mouth with your hands. “Oh, it's funny?” Steven raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Yeah, you're such a loser.” You joked.

Before Steven could respond you tugged him into another kiss. Perhaps everything wasn't one hundred percent fixed. But you and Steven were finally here together. You and Steven were finally in each other's arms that's all that mattered. You’d figure out the rest together.

tags 🤍: @gillybear17 @snowsharkk @tesssastle @conradsupporterr @alyssa-cabrera @eranthisphiny @xoxoloverb @lostaurorax @lanisdreams @alexzluvz @lalaland-notfound @liltimmyst @unsaidjaelineose @buckys2thicc @lilygreennn @t8lzw @medusaslilsister @1-800-stilinski @yazmi710 @j-brielmalfoy @ashcannotwrite @colbysbrocks @exonct07 @multilover19 @mimisparkle12

@littlefreaksatellite @vintagebitc @lexi-2004 @melllinaa @xcallmetaniax @brizzlessizzler @haroldpotterson @livinginaglasspalace @delicatekidpeanut @queenanababy

@drinkawinchester @sarahbutnot @salvatoremikaelson54 @furiouscopsherduniversity @marrigold-2002 @angeliquelunasstuff @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @daphnen21 @ietss @imanaforever @itsreynasworld @she-is-a-happy-girl @joeybandthings

@kateisintrouble @stvrdustalexx @fictionisjustbetter @whezzy223

@conradssupporterr @clubmeredith13 @fatduck45 @trampstampz @fangirl-kimora

@just-let-me-fangirl-in-peace @reenfluffmarshmallow @kaz-mf-brekker

@yazmunson @bookg1rl @hockey-lover86

@just-a-pink-lady @moo-b1tch

[emperorundying]

TLT Dashboard Simulator- Pt 5

💀 drearybruh Follow

10,000 y/o lyctor gf who exclusively calls me 'lovey': Ugh they're still debating the ethics of using cavaliers as a resource to suck dry, I can't deal with this empire today.

me [heard 'suck dry cavaliers' and got so hard i got nauseous]: I think I hauve devils in me

(2,710 notes)

🫁 soulosexualll

omg guys im so sorry ive been MIA!!! the alexandrite id been talking about won custody over our baby so i had a bit of a crisis about my future on the fifth house alone and loved only by the spirits. and then of course i visit the third over vacation and get roped into a multi-week bender [have u ever snorted dried marrow? life changing] and then i was lost on the third for likeeeee four days and had to find my way back through hitchhiking and bartering with my own blood.

but i promise ill update my Joy/Patience/Duty threesome fic soon :333

#rpf #munposting #EEEEEEE GET EXCITED GUYS #joy strap time? joy strap time.... #i see ur messages in the askbox and i super appreciate them btw but i cant justify answering all of them #BUT I SEE U AND I LOVE U <33

(42 notes)

🦴 skeletal-system-bracket

SKELETAL SYSTEM BRACKET ROUND 3 GROUP A

We had two ties last round [within a margin of error of .1%!!] , so we decided it would make the most sense to make this a four-way poll. Propaganda:

Occipital Bone: do you want an unprotected cerebellum??? the infernal surface is groovy af, and all the nuchal lines are actually goated. are u seriously going to look me in the eyes and tell me the three-part bone of all time [father son and holy spirit, anyone?] can even be stepped to by some normie basic bone shit???????? cmon..... [via. @skullfuckbonegod]

Fibula: VOTE FIBULA!!!! bone with a best friend <3 Tibia already got out round 1 so its ur legal duty to stand up for its legbestie... also my hounds r named Fibula and Tibia and theyre adorbsies [via. @sodiumradiation]

Thoracic Vertibrae: twelve bones. twelve bones, one combined goal: fuck shit up, take names, keep that back backing. least commonly injured part of the spine for a reason. its built different. this shit protects ur spinal cord, provides attachments to your ribs, supports your chest and abdomen, and literally lets yr body move. objective best bones. [via. @ithinkthereforisam]

Scalpula: Scapula sweep!! Those are your angel wings. Watching your Cavs shoulder blades move under their skin while they carry a big sword is the best part of being a necro. They're also just such a good plane of bone they're perfect for breaking up into little pieces for bone adepts to store in their pockets. Also the attachment point for a bunch of muscles!!and the yummy little joint cavity… [via. @kavkisser]

#polls #tumblr polls #skeletal system #tibia #fibula #vertebrae #scalpula

(450 notes)

📷 devoutofmymind Follow

ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE EMPEROR HASN'T COMMENTED ON HIS FIRST AND SECOND'S SAINTS DISAPPEARANCES

📷 devoutofmymind Follow

For my Edenite followers this is like if gun disappeared

#ARE THEY DEAD??? #Bro r we upping the fascism factor #STAFF THAT TAG IS A JOKE. I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF INSURGENCY

12,345 notes

🫀 gorewanker Follow

I swear they're like the septum piercing havers of cavaliering 😭😭😭

🦀 xx-0ct0g0ne-xx Follow

Ah. So you're unable to handle the pressures which are expected of the average Eighth House devotee, and as such, fall back upon insecure insults. Get a life + Praying for you + L.

(923 notes)

👤 boobmonger-deactivated-2917220

holy shit tower prince announcement this is crazy. liveblog time

👤 boobmonger-deactivated-2917220

TRANSMASC AWE??????????

(3,891 notes)

🦷 bitingyoubitingyoubitingyoubitingyoux3 Follow

(14,088 notes)

☠️ is-the-emperor-undying-d34d-yet Follow

NOT YET BUT WE ALWAYS COME BACK

[emsgoodthinkin]

the band-aid to my wounds

Older!Eddie Munson x naive!Fem reader - eventual twins Steve Harrington x reader x Kurt Kunckle series| pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 … TBC

Summary: After stumbling into an old barn after being stranded by your freshly new ex boyfriend, you wake up strangely in a room..that isn't yours..

warnings: talks of cheating, abuse, angst, slight stockholm syndrome at a glance, anxiety, childhood trauma, parent problems; daddy issues, eventual smut, cursing, drinking, smoking, perviness, slight dub-con, miscommunications, blood mention

word count: idk? 1k?

June 12th, 1988 the roads were closed off.

I have no idea why im still together with this asshole, why am i so stupid? oh because id do anything for people to love and not leave me. Looking at him now..hands beating the steering wheel, veins popping through his temples..not to mention his breath. Ashton my oh so loving, narcissist, no good boyfriend. We've been together for 6 years, basically high school sweethearts. Went from flirty glaces, to lab partners, to collage students with an alcohol addiction. Mainly his addiction...he got me started on it.

Ashton basically took me in with his fatherly like protectiveness when we first got together. He was walking me to my front door after a bowling date he asked me out to my sophomore year, of course i said yes.; until the front door opened. Uh oh, dads home; Bill. The moment the door opened i watched my father tackle Ashton to the ground without so much as a reason screaming words like "get off my property, boys like you should be dead in a gutter, ill kill you"...

Lets just say that date night was a bit too eventful for my liking.

My dad always had a problem with Ashton because he went to highschool with his father. Ashtons dad was a bully back in the day, made my dads life a living hell.. took everything away from him. the girl, the looks, the job..

Dave, Ashtons father, was caught making out with Shannon, my dads ex lover but also first love. Dave knew he had the upper hand when it came to getting the things he wanted. Hell, Shannon seduced him into it. Shannon was only with my dad for the money. Got knocked up but gave him the baby and ran away to be with his dad. As you can see I am that baby now today.

I made a promise to Ashton after sneaking him to my bedroom window that same night cleaning his wounds; that it was me and him against the world. He knew about me and my parents relationship. How my step-mother only has good things to say about me in a room full of people, but how she degrades me behind closed doors. How my dads drinking problem gave him alcohol poisoning, twice' and about his anger problems. You'd think being in a household that is always loud would help you shape up to loud sounds in the future. Boy was that theory proven wrong.

anytime someone yells or raises their tone, you're immediately in fight or flight response. tense..anxious. You hate going to basketball games just for that reason. Its uncomfortable.. and he knew that, but apparently in this moment, he didn't give a fuck-

"Did you hear me??" Ashton says impatiently. "No im sorry, i cant hear when you mumble.." you reply

you also hated when people uttered things under their breath.

dad does that shit.

"Don't be smart with me y/n, ill leave you right here,right now in the middle of the fucking road

"Yeah whatever Ashton, just stop talking to me and drive" feeling the breaks pull forward and in a flash he was out of the drivers seat, and already pulling you out of the passenger-

"WHAT THE FUCK" i yell- what the fuck are you doing Ashton?”

“Shut up!” he smacks me. Your eyes widen in more shock than fear over anything. “Did you j-just hit me?” i ask with a scratched voice--

“I told you more than once not to back talk me didnt i?”

“i didn’t.. it was once and i stopped ashton”-

-“You’ve done it all goddamn night, accusing me of cheating, clinging onto me when i ran into Tommy, i told you to give me some fucking space --i interrupt him.

“YOU did cheat on me you asshole!! That bitch was fucking bragging about it in the bathroom”—

“Do you really think after what 4 years-“6 actually“ i say pissing him off further. he looks at you angrily

He sighs. “Do you really think after years of being together, i would do that to you?” he say looking down at the ground sadly; making you instatly regret your words

“..no-no of course not i just thou”-

-“You thought wrong! he snaps-I would never do that to you baby..y/n?” he says letting go of the grip on my arms, caressing my cheek-“..I know you get a little confused sometimes, its okay come here” he says pulling you into a deep hug

“..im sorry ash”-

“shh” he coos.

“I really thought—what the fuck is that?” you shove him away

“Y-you piece of shit!!” you pull around back collar piece of his shirt up to his face; showing him the peach colored lipstick stain

“Are you fucking serious Ashton?” his eyes widen and stomach drops when he sees the prominent evidence of his past events—

“B-baby look-“

“No! fuck you were done!”

He grabs me closer, “No we fucking arent- ive gave you everything! he starts shouting making you flinch

P-please stop yelling at me! you plea tears rolling down your face

“Just—here” he opens the car door “just get back in and ill explain on the way”—

“No.” you shove past him running and crying

“Y/N come back here!. its too dark—

“ i dont care leave me alone!”

“Y/n theres crazy people out here..!”

you stop in your tracks, turning back to say- “You’re the crazy person!”

he laughs. “Oh im crazy? Ill show you fuckin crazy”—he says marching over to the drivers side of the car starting it back up—mumbling ill show you a fucking crazy person babe—and he spees off

you cant believe he actually just left you.. standing here.

“ASSHOLE!” you shout regulardess if hes still there or not, turning back around to walk down the cold empty road

are you fuckig kidding me?

wow he fooled me

how didnt i see this before

did he love me?

he says he does

then why did he leave me..

fucking jerk!!

The long 7 mile walk with a head full of shitty thoughts walk you to a sun burnt orange barn.

you're exhausted. your hearts broken. your feet hurt. its too dark to keep walking

"I mean i could crash here right?" you say already walking towards the musky building

hay bells, chickens, tools. looks already owned

you dont care you just need a place to rest you head for a bit.

stinks in here. muttering to yourself, opening and shutting the barn door behind you.

perfect you say spotting an old rocking chair..and yard sale signs?

does somebody live here?

you're too exhausted to think any more tonight

this'll do. taking your jacket off to use as a prop pillow, climbing into the chair almost immediately drifting off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

whats that smell? smells like bacon?

bacon? your eyes are still shut but you can sense a different environment around you. Fluttering your eyes open.. a clock? pictures? what?-jumping up at the sound of a shoe

"WHO ARE YOU?" your already in flight or fight mode

"Whoa whoa its okay, im the owner of the barn i found you in”.

is he lying?

"YOU'RE LYING!" you look around in a panic

"Sweetheart if i was lying, how come i specifically found you in my rocking chair, you must of been tired, i got my buddy who also runs the farm to scoop you up and bring you to our guest bedroom, couldn't just leave a woman out in the open like that.. especially at night"

your stomach knots when he calls you sweetheart.

okay maybe he harmless, just very kindly harmless?

"Here" he throws his arm out, "I'm Eddie, Eddie Munson."

- - is this interesting so far? lmk- -

reblogs appreciated:>

[starlightdreaming]

Happy(?) Birthday! Pt.1/2

Lucifer x Reader!

Fandom: Hazbin hotel

Content Warning: Angst to comfort, Birthday blues, another vent fic! (mb) Neglected/Abandoned friendship. Also this fic takes place in like a Highschool AU? I guess.

Synopsis: It’s your birthday! Who could possibly forget that?

Further Note: ITS MY BIRTHDAY RAHHH (4/11)

(Insert bday art here idk lol im working on it)

You sighed as you stared out the window on the second floor, head resting under your hand as you leaned into your desk. You watched the birds chirping in the trees, neglecting your work assignment your teacher had given you twenty minutes ago. You never did your work in the first place anyways, you were always doodling or drawing on them, not feeling motivated to do much else.

You heard footsteps approaching you while you were daydreaming, you turn to see your teacher had placed your paperwork down onto your desk, not giving you a glance. You look down at the paper seeing the usual grade you always get, another ‘F’ like anything else. Usually you just don’t turn in any paperwork, you grab your paper from the desk and shoved it in your bag, it already being long forgotten.

You looked out the window again, gray clouds covering the sky, making the day feel all the more duller. Halfway through the day, the bell rang, signaling it was time for lunch. It was the only time you actually enjoyed throughout the day, all your friends and you would hangout together for the good hour of the school day, you grabbed your bag again, putting it against your back, standing up and leaving the classroom. Many kids your age had walked past you, talking to their friends, going to classes and hallways to meet and hang out, the same you were about to do.

You turned in the hallway towards the stairs, following down as the kids flooded every corner of the building. After escaping the staircase you walked down the long hall that passed by the principals office and school library, reaching the cafeteria that held kids as they shouted and ran. The school felt flawed on how many open windows there were, letting random public eyes stare through the schools windows, seeing the many children that were in the facility, it really did bother you but no one seemed to care at all. You put your bag down at one of the small tables in the cafeteria room, walking to the lunch line to get your ‘healthy nutritional meal’ the schools claims them to be.

You scrolled through your phone as you waited, feeling the anxiety gnawing at your body as if the whole school was staring at you. They weren’t obviously but it still felt that way no matter what you did. It was terrible. Your anxiety chipped away when you saw Lucifer walk in the cafeteria, placing his bag next to yours, he saw you waiting in line and waved at you with a cheery smile, you waved back, smiling as well shyly.

He hopped in line with you, not caring what others think. You craved his confidence, confidence that gave you the ability to express yourself without caring or feeling everyone’s judgment upon you. “Happy birthday, Y/n!” He chimed loudly, making your heart sink from the attention you were nothing gathering but you tried your best to brush it off as you tried to keep your focus on your best friend of three years. “Oh, thanks Lulu..” you say nervously, hugging your arm.

“I made you a little something for your birthday but I’ll show you after we get our lunch!” He says excitedly while you both stepped further in the line, grabbing trays and a small milk carton to drink and putting them on your trays, stepping further down the line, getting your meals next, “so what do you plan on doing today?” He asked, looking at you with his ruby red eyes and rosy red cheeks, making your face heat up, “oh, uh.. nothing really..” you say, saddening at the loss of what to do, you felt like it was just a day closer to death and it made you worry.

“Aw don’t worry,” he says nudging you a little, “we can think of something together!” He smiles at you, his fangs showing as he tilted his head. You smiled and looked away, your face feeling more hotter the longer he stared at you.

After you both had got your meals, you both sat down together at the small circular empty table, making you wonder, “where is everyone else?” You asked, looking at Lucifer while he dug in his bag after putting his food down, “oh they’re hanging out with other people today in clubs! Wanted to join em but I didn’t want to leave you here by yourself.” He says as he pulled out a paper, turning to you, “here, I made this for you!” He says, eagerly showing his gift, it was a drawing of you and a bunch of ducks… as if he doodled them out of boredom, “oh, thank you so much Lulu.” You smiled, taking the drawing from him and admiring it with a smile, “it’s really cute.” “yeah? I’m glad!” He says, zipping up his bag and putting it on his back, picking up his tray, “I got to hangout with someone today, we have to discuss our project together but I promise to come back!” He smiles at you comfortingly as your smile faltered, “oh, alright then.” You say as you bring your smile back on your face slightly, trusting he would keep his word.

He left the cafeteria, leaving you alone with no one else. When the year began, your lunch table would be full of your friends, filled with even your friend’s friends, then later over time, your friends started separating in different hang out spots, leaving you here now, alone at your table on your birthday. You sighed as you waited for Lucifer to return, those seconds turned into minutes as time went by, your lunch felt unbearably long as you sat there listening to the other kids around you laughing and smiling, enjoying each others company as they conversed, making you feel all the more lonely. You felt too anxious to try and look for him, wandering the halls while people even gave you a glance in the halls was the last thing you wanted. You wish you could have just been invisible, you think it’s all the better to avoid everyone. Well, it’s not like the opposite is happening to you currently, who would want to even talk to you? You poked at your food, not feeling hungry and definitely not eating whatever the school serves.. it doesn’t even look nutritious or healthy.

You decided to throw your meal away, seeing as Lucifer hadn’t come back yet and lunch was almost over, you still expected him to come, even if he was a little late. He promised. You decided to go on your phone, distracting yourself with the little time there was and not before long; the bell rang.

It seemed like he did forget, even though he promised.

You sighed sadly, slightly betrayed by the trust of that promise, you were going to talk to him about it later.

You opened your bag and took out your binder before you left the cafeteria, staring down at your feet as you held the binder, hugging it. You avoided everyone’s and anyone’s gaze as you walked down the hall, your next class was upstairs, so you had walked up the crowded stairs, feeling your anxiety gnawing you as everyone pushed to go up the steps, when you made it out, you exhaled a breath quietly, not noticing you were holding it. You went to your next classroom door, waiting there as you held your binder, finding comfort in it as if it was like a shield from the world, it wasn’t long before you heard a familiar and loud laugh, you looked up and saw Lucifer with Lilith, he was smiling widely as he walked past you, not even acknowledging or noticing you, your heart sank, it further confirmed that he had actually forgotten about you and it hurt you. You raised your binder up to your face, hiding the tears forming from watching Lucifer happily spend time with someone else rather than you.

To you, Lucifer was your first. In a room full of people, you would choose Lucifer but as you watched Lucifer walk down the hall, looking at Lilith so attentively, you could tell he would never choose you. The thought made you go further into a rabbit hole, if Lucifer was the closest person to you in all the people you have had ever met.. does that mean no one would choose you as their first? You sucked in a breath, feeling your tears start to flow, you immediately wiped them away, your anxiety rising in you again, you were afraid someone would start asking questions or concerns and that would make your crying worse.

The teacher finally opened the door and you walked in first, looking down and using your hair to hide your tears, you sat at a desk that was at the corner of the wall, you turned to it, hiding your reddened face. You quietly sniffled as you used your sweaters sleeves to wipe and clean your face, you tried to distract yourself with something else, trying to stop the tears and thoughts, embarrassed to cry in public. You just wanted to go home and hide in your bed, hide away from the world.

You ignored the teacher as she began to ramble on with her lecture, you picked up your pencil and pulled out a paper from your binder, drawing and doodling to distract yourself. You felt completely blue, you didn’t feel like it was your birthday anymore after seeing Lucifer had forgotten or stopped caring about it anymore, you looked at the drawing he had made you and you were holding onto that sliver of hope that maybe he just didn’t notice you in the hallway and you were just being dramatic, thats all.

You lied to yourself, finding a sliver of comfort in it and that was the whole point. You always lied to comfort yourself, it was a coping mechanism at this point and it was the only comfort you could find in your life currently. When you pulled out the drawing Lucifer had made and saw yourself smiling on the paper, you wish you had felt the same way the drawing had did. You wanted to just have a birthday where you sat at the middle of the table, a cake in front of you lit in candles, you wanted all your friends and family to be surrounding you, singing and telling happy birthday with smiles on their faces, it’s all you wanted for your simple birthday.

Although you couldn’t see it being true to happen, you could just daydream and even draw it the scenario and thats what you did. You drew yourself and all those ‘friends’ you had, it was terribly made but it made you somewhat smile, you felt like you were in the drawing somewhat, like it actually happened and wasn’t just a doodle to cope, it felt surreal.

after one drawing, you drew another, indulging yourself in a fantasy with art, you kept drawing yourself in scenarios of you and characters you had made, blocking out the reality of your classes and school assignments as you were wallowed up in your own world, living in it now.

You had spent the entire day drawing, relieved school was now over for the day, you got the chance to finally look for Lucifer and talk to him, hoping he didn’t just completely forget you like everyone else had.

After going down the hallways, heading toward the front of the school for buses and car pick ups, you saw Lucifer talking with Lilith but that didn’t matter, what mattered was that he would go to your party - if he even remembered.

“Hey Lucifer, are you still going to my party?” you chimed, throwing your anxiety and intrusive thoughts out the window for a moment to ask him that question genuinely. You had spoke rather loudly, alerting people around you but you definitely caught Lucifers attention, when he turned to you, your smile faltered. Lucifer was looking at you and not in a pleasant way either, he looked at you with an estranged look, like as if you were a stranger and was confused as to why you were even inviting him to such an event. It made you step back in surprise from his expression, you looked around you and saw people staring at you, Lilith included and it made your heart sink, your anxiety spiking from the judgmental looks that surrounded you.

You began to panic, seeing all eyes were on you now, you waved at Lucifer, laughing nervously as you wanted to leave the situation quickly, “nevermind, i’ll figure it out!” You say awkwardly before walking out the building rather quickly. You hid at a corner of the school panting, you threw your bag to the side as you leaned against the wall and sat down, hugging yourself as you tried to calm your breathing, your tears falling down your face from the stress of the situation you were in a moment ago.

You wiped your face, hearing your phone in your pocket buzz. It was your mom, she texted you that she was here to pick you up, you felt rather relieved. You didn’t have to endure the bus ride home and you could avoid Lucifer too, you cleaned your face as quickly and perfectly as you could, grabbing your bag as you stood up to text your mom where you were specifically.

After a bit, your tears dried up and your mom drove to the lot, you walked to the car, getting in as you set your beg next to you, looking at your mom with a smile.

It was a comfortable drive, your mom had asked you what you had wanted for your birthday, a cake was included. As you spent time with your momma, you had gotten yourself a laptop, your mother agreeing to pay it for you, you were happy and rather excited to be able to use the new device for your school work (further art projects).

The way home was rather rejuvenating from the dreadful day you had to endure, feeling like no one had wanted to even or care about your day of your birth, your mom had made it all the more better, he sweet smile and a song chimed of your birthday, your family somewhat cared, they cared more than what you had expected, it was much but it was just enough for you to feel better about your day.

You had clicked and messed with your new laptop your mom had gifted you, not caring about the know at your door. You saw your mom was on her way to open it anyways so you didn’t bother as you kept typing in your notes and opening sites as you smiled only for time to stop when you heard a familiar male voice at the door, asking and calling for you, “Y/n is home right? I didn’t see her at the bus stop on the way home like we were supposed to.”

You stood up to go to the front door curiously, your mom smiled as she spoke, “yes, shes right here!” she chimed, turning to you and gesturing you to talk with your friend at the door, you saw the familiar blonde and immediately knew it was Lucifer, you wanted to just close the door but that would make your mom raise concerns you didn’t want her to worry about, “Happy Birthday Y/n.” Lucifer smiled at you, dressed somewhat formally, he was wearing something different than what he wore at school, you smiled nervously as you avoided his gaze, “thanks..” you say as you fiddled with the front door knob, kinda just wanting to hide away in your room now.

✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧•✧

cliffhanger and rushed, mb gang (just wanted to get this posted.)

[littledollll]

hey sweetheart :'3 I was wondering if you were taking request. If you are would you be open to do a Lucifer x little angel reader. I just love your little fic if these and I'm always looking for more if them. I think I've read them all tho. So my idea was that maybe Lucifer and reader could have a fight I'll let you decide why. Then reader decide to go hide from Lucy and our favorite god starts panicking and all. Over all just really cute stuff 😊😊💖 Thank you for reading and have a nice day bby💕

The Gardens

Lucifer Morningstars x Little!angel!reader

A/n: man i just hope this is half decent. Got a little motivated to write about this idea when I got the request which made me very excited! I rarely let us see when R isn’t regressed which is kinda the point? But I think insights like this are really fun to write! (May 6)

A/n pt 2.: finishing this July 21 at 3am, where did I go wrong? I’m so sorry I took so damn long it’s insane bc i don’t even notice time passing. I was looking back at my old fics and noticed I’m always writing R going to sleep? I love that cuz some of my friends actually call me “sleepy” because apparently I’m always tired. (I am)

Warnings: a little arguing, Lucifer says some hurtful things, not much else. Just some sweet fluff after the hurt.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Im the judge here. I alone decide the punishments and how souls will be handled. You might be my partner but you hold no power over me or hell. These are not your decisions to make or have a say on.” It was an angry spew of words. Lucifer doesn’t like having their authority challenged and you were the one person who could do that. For the first time, your own opinions were voiced in their work, and Lucifer didn’t seem willing to listen or like it at all.

Never in your time living in hell had you and Lucifer clashed about something so much.. it hurt, not to be ironic but it hurt like hell. Lucifer had never spoken to you in such a way. Never before had they used their intimidation tactics on you.

Lucifer being unnecessarily stubborn didn’t help at all, as they refused to actually listen to your opinion or swallow their pride and compromise. Or simply speak to you like an equal. Their words almost stung. “You have no power here.” That’s what they meant. And you couldn’t bear to listen anymore or even respond after that.

After a certain point you just gave up and walked away, leaving whatever they were about to spit back, in the dust, mid-sentence, and then ending up with a confused shocked expression. No one gets to just walk away from The Devil.

The worst part was that you wanted to run to them. As if words and a voice laced with venom hadn’t just been thrown in your face. As if they’d protect you even from their own self. They’ve always been your safe space, your comfort.. but you couldn’t, not today, not after your argument.

At first they were fine with you just walking away. They admit to being stubborn and hard to talk to.. everyone needs a little space to think sometimes, right? But then hours and more hours passed and you still refused to show.. it’s like you were hiding from them. There’s nothing Lucifer hated more than the thought of that. Did they really mess up that badly? That you, the most forgiving and lovely being they’ve ever met, simply refused them?

They couldn’t possibly leave it like that. Let you believe they think regularly of you, like you aren’t the most important being in their life, like you aren’t their special angel. So settling their pride aside accompanied with a bit of anxiety, they set out to find you.

You had gone to your safe space.. hiding away physically and mentally, letting your much calmer but also a lot sadder, little self take control.

Lucifer searched high and low for you, all around the palace, going as far as to actually ask for help looking. And thankfully it occurred in their mind that there was always one place you went when you seek comfort, and that was the little hidden gardens of the palace.

And there you were. Quietly sitting by their most recently planted flowers, daisies in fact. They always claimed those flowers suited you perfectly, not just the look, but the meaning. Which included purity, innocence, new beginnings, joy and cheerfulness. All things they saw in you. All things they loved about you. But of course there’s more, so much more that they love.

“My angel..” their voice was a complete contrast to their earlier attitude. Cautious as they approached you but still with a rush to have you close. Lucifer was unsure you’d ever forgive them, but there was no way you could possibly resent them, maybe you should have, but it wasn’t in your heart to reject them, so you let them approach without scurrying away.

Lucifer got down to your level, kneeling down on the floor and holding their hands out for you, which you immediately took, being pulled into a tight hug, their wings wrapping around you, effectively hiding you from the world just because they knew you loved it so much. They pressed a kiss to your forehead before hugging you close again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my sweet angel…”

Not knowing how to respond, you nodded just a little as you nuzzled close to their shoulder, basking in the warmth and comfort of their hug. “I should’ve never said that.. never. And I promise you I didn’t mean a single word of it. I’m.. I’m in no way excusing myself, and my awfully hurtful words- but I’m just not used to this, angel..”

You could understand that.. there’s no being of higher power here in hell, even in the universe actually, no one but them and the very God that created and banished them. They’re not used to being challenged or disagreed with, and ever the sinner they are also quite prideful, even as an angel. “I’ve done this alone for so long.. of course there’s other lords.. and Mazikeen. But not even they step in when it comes to my decisions, and when you did- I felt questioned. Which I recognize should be much more frequent than it is, but it’s a new thing, and I responded very wrongly to it.”

Not for a moment did the soft tone leave their voice, a mere whisper as they hugged you and refused to let go. They’d apologize for eternity if you so requested it. But even in your headspace you could appreciate them taking accountability, and recognizing that it was wrong. Not just that it caused a bad reaction from you. “I’m working on it, I promise. Your opinion does matter to me, In whatever situation, your voice matters to me.”

It hurt, of course it hurt. But Lucifer is always sincere in their word, and they were willing to work together, that’s all that mattered to you. So you quite adorably mumbled out a little, ‘I forgive’, as you rest your chin on their shoulder. And Lucifer couldn’t be happier. “Thank you, my sweet angel.. but also, you can’t hide away from me like that, tiny. You had me running all over the palace looking for you like a maniac!” They said in a more playfully, less serious tone as they chuckled.

“Let’s make a deal, yeah?.. if anything of the sort ever happens again, can I trust that you’ll be in your little room? Even if we’re a little upset at each other I always want to know that you’re safe. I understand needing a moment to decompress and think, that certainly helped me a lot today. But I’d just like to know you’re safe and that we can talk when we’re ready to, how does that sound?” You giggled as their voice took a more playful tone and you nodded, moving away a little to look at them, an adorable little smile painted on your face. “Deals!!” You said, rather excited despite the topic.

Of course you were aware that it was indeed quite possible to run into more arguments and disagreements like this, and even more that you’d slip. But knowing how much they care for you and love you, how much they worry and want you to be safe was quite reassuring that no matter what problems you ran into there wasn’t a thing you couldn’t surpass with just a little talking and cuddles.

They nodded, placing a soft kiss on your temple and deciding just then to take a moment and sit outside with you, which was rare, for reasons neither you or they could quite place. “It’s a deal then..” they replied with a soft tone, and you could hear their smile as they spoke. It was surprisingly quiet, oddly peaceful being out here with you. They scolded themselves for not doing this sooner and made a mental note for next times.

Of course your regression was still a secret and hell can be a dangerous place but the gardens are safe enough, specially with Lucifer and your hound friend who always stayed near. After a few moments, your voice interrupted their train of thought. “luci likes birdies?” The question seemingly came out of nowhere which made them chuckle a bit. “I do. What’s going on in that cute little mind of yours to ask me that, sweet one?” Their tone was obviously amused.

“No birdies in hell! Want one.. like morphi!” It seems your mind was running elsewhere, curiosity of things you always wanted to question but didn’t. “You could have one.. how about a dove? Just like you are my little dove.” Lucifer smiled and placed a little kiss on the tip of your nose, making you giggle and shy away. You were quick to nod and respond with a slight tone of awe. “Dovs pretty!”

“As are you!” Lucifer was never one to make spur of the moment decisions.. well- not at least until you came along. But how could they ever say no to you? The little angel wants a hound and a dove, so let’s get them a hound and a dove. Lucifer sighed, not in an upset manner nor exhaustion. More so in content, amused with themselves for being so susceptible to you. “Well then. Looks like my little dove is getting their own..”

[lfghughes]

Seal My Fate pt 4

a/n: idk guys i think im going to have to do the same thing i did with heaven cant help me now and give y'all two endings because i cant even pick between them

“Jack, I just want to talk.” His ex was so focused on Jack and trying to talk to him that she didn’t even care that she had an audience, one specifically who was currently still in Jacks shirt. “There’s nothing to talk about.” His words came out in an icy tone and you had never really heard Jack talk in anything but his usual joking tone or soft one. “Ten minutes, please.” Somehow she managed to convince him. “My room, ten minutes and that’s it.” He led the way to his room and she quickly followed, shutting the door behind them.

“Well I’m going to my room to take a nap and to get away from whatever comes from that.” Trevor pointed towards Jacks room before heading into his. “Want some bacon?” Alex asked and it took you a minute to realize he was talking to you, holding out a plate for you. You nodded your head and ate some strips before going back to your place. This was clearly not the place for you to be today because it looked like the mood was going to shift drastically.

A majority of your day you thought back to the past twenty four hours and everything that had happened with Jack. Now you had no clue what would happen. It didn’t seem like he was interested in his ex at this point but you also had no clue what was said behind that door. Not that you had any sort of claim to him especially when just a few days ago you had also slept with his best friend. What kind of situation had you put yourself in?

The day passed and now the night was here. You didn’t really feel any better but you decided you needed to sit outside and get some fresh air to clear your head. Almost like he knew you were out there Trevor appeared from the darkness and onto your deck. “Looks like you kept yourself distracted while I was gone.” You could hear the hurt in his voice even though he was trying his best to not show it. “Trevor..” You wanted to explain yourself to him but there wasn’t much to explain.

“I just don’t get it. I love Jack, that’s obvious because he’s my best friend but you know him too. He’s just lonely and you were the first girl around, can’t you see that? You’re just another girl to him.” His words stung deep and you were trying your best to blink back the tears. As soon as he saw your reaction he realized how hurtful his words had been. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“Is that all I am to you too then? Just the closest girl around that would give you attention?” Maybe you were the fool here after all. You wiped your tears as you looked up at him and you could see the apologetic look on his face. “That’s not what you are to me at all, you’re so much more than that.” He started as he stepped forward crouching down in front of you. His hands went up to your face, helping you wipe away some of those tears.

Suddenly another figure popped up on your deck and you immediately sat up and away from Trevors hands. “Woah, hey is everything okay?” Jack asked as he rushed to your side. “Why are you crying?” He asked and you just shook your head getting up from your seat. “It’s nothing. It’s just been a long day so I’m going to head in.” With those words you made your way inside, leaving Trevor and Jack both outside. “Is it because of my ex showing up?” Jack asked and Trevor shook his head. “It’s nothing.” Trevor told him before walking off before he admitted too much to his best friend.

[jayflrt]

hi im back i swear i could talk ab iland for hours fr ...

smth i wanna talk ab is their friendships on the show and moments that i think ab A LOTTT

- heeseung and jungwon!! i think they grew close very early on esp bc they were in iland together from the start and u could see how sad hee was when jungwon almost got emiminated. like boy was in tears SOBBING when jungwon came back from that dam egg and i felt in that moment u could rlly see how much jungwon meant to him and he couldnt lose him

- JAY AND NIKI like when jay came back to iland and cried that niki didnt make it 😭 they were THAT DUO™️ in the ground stressing out teaching everyone fire. i think they were the perfecr pair to lead bc they both had an insane amount of passion and determination like niki was one of the only ones that understood why jay wanted them to keep practicing and not fall behind bc they both knew how much was on the line. they were also on the same team multiple times which caused them to grow close and the fact that jay was one of the ones who could speak japanese so niki definitely clung onto him and jay would help him out a lot :')

- SUNOO AND JAEBEOM. one of the most purest friendships on the show i swear. they experienced ground and iland together and in the behind cams THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GOSSIPING ALL THE TIME IT WAS SO CUTE. and the fact that sunoo used one of his calls to call jaebeom omg 😭 theyre probably still friends til this day since sunoo cherishes all of his friendships i rlly need them to vlog tgth or smth i miss them sm

- sunoo and taki 😭 when sunoo said he wanted taki as a real little brother I SOBBED. i think another anon talked ab them so i wont get into it much but im so happy theyre still close and we see them interact a lot

- enha 02z omg. iland is where jakehoon rlly took off and it was so endearing to witness their friendship blossom on the show. and jayhoon ☹️☹️☹️ i love every jay duo in enha but jayhoon (and heejay) takes the cake for me. when sunghoon worried more about taking jays place during the dance unit over winning it showed how much their friendship means to him. and when jay says the iconic line "my one and only unit" LIKE THEY ENTERED ILAND TOGETHER AND DEBUTED TOGETHER IT CANT BE MORE PERFECT THAN THAT. and during pt. 2 i loved how in the behind cams we got to see all 3 of them get closer and become the iconic 02z trio we know and love today (im just so happy they all got to debut together it was seriously fate)

- jay and k. so yes, k was really bad on the show and his competitiveness got the best of him. it was sad to watch how he treated other ppl sometimes and i'll say hes grown from it and is in &team now and takes care of the members well. (i watched &audition and his character development was crazy so good for him) but in iland u can tell how much jay really values k as an older brother. jay was one of the older contestants so he probably felt like he had to shoulder a lot and be a leader but when k is around i feel like he got to relax a little more yk? and as we know enha and esp jay dont really have many friends outside of the group (besides sunoo) and im glad theyre still very close til this day.

sorry this was so long u fr opened the floodgates for me skdjs

HELLO !! feel free to 🤝 i love talking about iland (i am hyperfixated)

omg yes there were so many cute friendships that i wish mnet covered more !! :( jungwon and heeseung were so meant to be friends like 🥹🥹 omg in the ghost episode when jungwon slept in heeseung's bed was the first time i realized that he rlly lets himself be a kid around hee 🥰 NO YEAH MY HEART BROKE THAT EPISODE 😭 heeseung's sobbing actually hurt me holy shit i hate mnet for what they put those boys through

omg i felt so sad when jay went up without riki and started crying into k's shoulder 😭 ALSO WHEN JAY DID HIS MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE LOLL i definitely feel like jay jake riki and sunoo (and daniel) grew a lot closer in ground but i was so soft for jayki:') 💘💘 OMG YES SUNOO AND JAEBEOM WERE SO CUTE i just feel like they matched each other's energy so well !! i wish iland showed more interactions because jaebeom clearly had gotten close with more ilanders (sunghoon nominating him for parts, them using sunoo's call to call jaebeom) but i think mnet just focused on the drama + training + a few select friendships

that part where taki was crying on his way to ground and sunoo held his hand and walked him to the building ☹️☹️ they were too cute!!! but yes i remember their pictures together from hanging out n im so happy they're still close 🥰 omg "my one and only unit" changed the trajectory of my life forever like it's been my bio for two years now because of how insane of a hold it has over me 😵‍💫 02z were so so cute :')) part of the reason why i was so sad that ej got eliminated in pt 1 but we got so many cute jaykehoon moments 🥹💖 the entire ghost episode made me ADOREEE them like jake and sunghoon going everywhere together and pranking jay in the bathroom,, then their little dispute "i'll walk you to your room and then we'll walk to mine" "you cant even walk to your room by yourself??" and then jake getting all riled up and saying he could only to run back to sunghoon 😭😭 AND JAY AND JAKE SAYING THEYD SHOWER TOGETHER BC THEY WERE SO SCARED 😭🤚

omg yes jay was so cute around k he let himself be a little brother 🥹🥹 i think he needed that person he could go to and be vulnerable because he tried to put up a strong front a lot of the time and was under so much pressure 🤧 literally cried at the part of him writing all of those letters with his mosquito bitten hands :(( omg yeah i wanna know if enha have more idol friends HAHHA i know heeseung's friends with jeongin, beomgyu, and lim jimin and i know a few members are friends with tnx members OH and shotaro and riki are friends 🥰🥰💖💖

HAHAH no need to apologize i feel insane over iland friendships too 😵

[salems-spaghettios]

It will be okay sweetpea pt.1

~Gwendoline Christie x pregnant!daughter!reader

Bold + Italic = flashback/memory

Italic = idk man, i used it for different things

Bold = thought

Warnings: light mention of alcohol, death, blood, miscarriage, somewhat descriptive self-harm, implied eating disorder, childbirth, self-depreciation, mental health, angst? (im probably forgetting something.)

a/n: this was literally a dream i had. there is fluff, and this read is complete shit, i'm really sorry. Also I had to break it up into parts bc tumblr said I wrote too much

You were four weeks away from your third trimester in your pregnancy, and you had a doctor’s appointment today. You’re always nervous with doctor’s appointments relating to your pregnancy, but your mother, Gwendoline. Always makes your anxiety dissipate. Today, she had a tight schedule and so you were left all on your own to venture to the clinic. She would be home when you got back though, so you could tell her about it.

You reached the clinic and were nervous, but your mother told you that ‘nervousness is just excited energy hiding.’ You don't have much to worry about, you don’t strain yourself working, you don’t sit around and do nothing, you eat healthy.

“What could go wrong?”

So, you walked into the clinic. “Hello, my name is y/n Christie.” You quietly said to the woman at the front desk. Watching you as you entered “Hello Ms.Christie! Your clinician has someone else currently, but will see you afterwards. Please take a seat wherever you are comfortable.” She spoke with pride, she clearly liked her job. “Um- could you tell me where the restroom is?” You asked, almost embarrassed that you have a bladder. She pointed to your right, and you entered the restroom, it was a single restroom, not one with multiple stalls. You locked the door behind you, pulling down your trousers and panties as you sat on the toilet. And that’s when you saw it. Your panties soaked in your blood, not having bleed through to your trousers though. Tears filled your eyes as you looked down, it reminded you when you got your period for the first time. Your thighs were covered in blood and you thought you were dying. You were in school and had called your mother telling her you were bleeding out and that you loved her. She realised what happened and came to pick you up from school early. She told you what it was, why it happened, how it sucks, and she took care of all of your needs, like she always has. “It will be okay sweetpea” She says after every bad day. It always lifts you up.

You were sobbing at this point, tearing running endlessly. You couldn’t call your mother, she’s going to be disappointed that you couldn’t carry this child. She’ll think you did it on purpose, you were worried she was going to hate you. You at this point had strained breathing, as you were gasping for air, and trying to breathe properly. Tears still streaming down your face, you jumped still seated, at a knock on the door. “Helloo.. Ms.Christie, I’m ready to see you now!” It was your clinician, Dr.Vogt. Shit, you tried cleaning yourself up as best as possible with haste so as to not worry your doctor. Finishing up you flushed the toilet and washed your hands carelessly, you opened the door and were greeted by your clinician. You followed her through a hall to an ultrasound room, where the first question she asked you was “Why were you crying earlier?” You couldn’t speak, your voice was hoarse from crying. “Did you and your mother get into an argument?” She noticed your mother’s absence at today’s appointment. You shook your head, accepting you couldn’t say it. You looked down realising how your hands didn’t clean well. She looked at your fingers intertwined with each other sitting in your lap, and she saw what she assumed was your blood underneath your fingernails, and she realised. Concerned for you she immediately checked your heartbeats, or you suppose singular heartbeat now. She then brought over the ultrasound machine, you couldn’t bear to look at the screen. You were going to have the gender be a surprise to you and everything, you let your mother have the ultrasound photos not trying to peek at them. But you wanted a surprise, so it was kept from you. You had your eyes screwed shut, waiting for your clinician to break the silence, she placed the cream on your stomach and checked your uterus. She already knew what happened when she had listened through the stethoscope, but she didn’t want it to be true. She worried for you. She looked at the screen and then you, seeing you hiding your face under your hands she spoke up. “Ms.Christie, I’m afraid you have miscarried, but–” You threw your shirt over your stomach and walked out, sobs poured out from you as you walked down the hall you anxiously walked through earlier, you found the doors and left. You got in your car, and sped home. Hoping as soon as you got away from the clinic you’d be fine along with your unborn child.

You walked in the door of your family’s house. You hung your bag up, grabbed a glass from the cupboard, opened the fridge and grabbed your favourite wine. You haven’t had alcohol since finding out about your pregnancy. You poured yourself a glass, and as you went to down the entire glass at once. Your mother emerged, curious when hearing your sniffles and silent sobs, “Hey sweetpea do you like this colour or-” Seeing the alcohol in your hand turned her somewhat defensive, “Absolutely not!” She took the glass and wine from you with ease, you didn’t even try to fight her. This did trigger the most gut-wrenching cry to ever come from you though, you slid down against the counter from where you stood using the counter for support, and you hid yourself in your knees when you finally reached the floor. Your mother knew it was bad, you hadn’t cried like this since your fiancé was in a car crash, and passed. You were crying even harder now than you did then. You couldn’t breathe, you let out such heavy exhales that you only got a wisp of air when you inhaled to breathe. Gwendoline immediately set down the clothing she had in her hand, and got down to your level. She assessed you before saying anything, noticing a wet spot on your shirt from the ultrasound cream you never bothered to wipe off. She decided to sit right next to you, she wrapped her arm around you. “Honey I don’t know what's wrong, but you need to breathe.” She spoke softly and with caution in order to avoid conflict. Watching you with concern. You couldn’t fix your breathing and then you felt tired, and your eyelids felt so heavy. You couldn’t sit together anymore, you just fell onto your mother. And then it was dark and quiet. You woke up on the couch, you felt tears streaming once again. It wasn’t fair, you had been twenty-three weeks pregnant, you shouldn’t have lost the baby. The chances were basically zero, which means it was all your fault. You scanned the room for your mother, not wanting to be alone for too long. You realised she was next to you on the couch, so you mustered your strength and slid up the couch and rested your head on her thighs. She gladly accepted you, and played with your hair as you rested on her lap. She wanted to talk to you, but she didn’t know what to say. She started to hum, a song that came on the radio the day you found out you were pregnant. Was it just a nightmare? Unfortunately, you knew, it was real. You were with your mother, but you felt alone. You couldn’t tell her, she’d hate you. “Honey, I called your clinician, she told me everything. It’s not your fault. You didn’t let her finish though, you are still-” Finally finding your voice, you cut her off. “Mum, I-” your voice strained more “Don’t you hate me for not being able to carry a child to term?” Looking up at her with tears flowing ever freely, “No, sweetpea, never. I could never hate you for something you have no control over whatsoever. I’m glad you're healthy. Now, can I please tell you what Dr.Vogt said?” You shook your head, eyes locked with her, she respected your choice. But she had to tell you at some point, but she could wait a little bit for when you calmed down more. For now she said softly as she noticed you were drifting to sleep, “I love you and it will be okay sweetpea.” You knew with your mother taking care of you it will be okay, which made your last tears of the night fall. As sleep overcame you.

[gyuville]

Underneath The Stars | Soobin

genre: fluff, fantasy au, soobin has magic powers, bf!soobin x gender neutral!reader

word count: 521 😞

warnings: none that i can think of? also not proofread and its 2 am i might've made mistakes

note: bro im not actually a writer but i wrote this fic back when these concept photos came out. doesnt he look so magical? i rewrote today and decided it was decent enough to post :] can i get feedback? i wanna start writing

You were standing in your balcony with your boyfriend, admiring the sun that had just set. It was getting darker. Moments later, you noticed that it was a cloudy night, only visible because of the moonlight. You missed seeing the stars; the moon felt lonely that way. "I wish the stars were visible tonight" you muttered to yourself, frowning a bit. It wasn't a big deal; you just blurted out the first thought that popped into your head. "hm?" Soobin hummed in question.

There was a comforting silence between you two for a couple minutes. Breaking it, he asked, "Do you really wanna see the stars?" you nodded in response, not thinking much about it. Until he questioned again, "Do you believe in magic?" "What? uhh no?" you scoffed a bit. "what if I can make you change your mind?" he said with a hopeful glint in his eyes. "and exactly how are you gonna do that?" you raised an eyebrow. It wasn't unusual for your boyfriend to say such things out of the ordinary. But, it still intrigued you.

"Give me your hand," he smiled. You were a little confused but gave your hand, anyway. "Close your eyes and open them when I tell you, okay?" he instructed you in a soft voice. You hummed in response. A few seconds later, he told you to open your eyes. You felt a slight cold breeze hit your face. Opening your eyes, you were awestruck. Welcomed by countless constellations and the brightest shining moon you had ever seen. Your eyes lit up at the sight. You weren't in your balcony anymore. To be honest, you had no idea of where you had suddenly teleported to. But you couldn't care enough to look away from the scenery in front of you.

"Oh my god, Soobin how- how is this even.. possible-?" still at a loss of words, you couldn't even form a simple sentence. Mouth agape, you looked at him, still in awe of your surroundings. He chuckled lightly. "It's magic~" he muttered with this stupidly cute grin of his. Honestly, it all suddenly made sense to you. Soobin had always been a little magical, almost bewitching. But, you always shrugged that feeling off because you believed it was the butterflies in your stomach or the feelings you had for him that made him so alluring to you. You looked back at the glistening sky again. It was mesmerizing.

You & Soobin sitting underneath the stars, holding hands, while nothing else mattered. You rested your head on his shoulders, still not moving your gaze from the sky. He looked at you with an affectionate smile, "When I'm with you, everything is possible." he whispers, not loud enough for you to hear. He pressed a small kiss on your forehead and gazed at the beautiful stellar again.

You didn't want this to ever end. Really, you needed nothing else when you were both together for as long as you could. It might not be everlasting, though you hoped it did. After all, That's what love is all about.

Note pt.2: - so :) i hope you liked it !! i know it barely makes sense but i think its cute T-T thank you So Much for reading this far <3 this means the whole world to me ^^

[cutecherrygirl]

Hey guys! So im really exited for this cuz I've seen this movie hundreds of times and I fell in love with it and I just cant help but imagine Hyunjin and Jisung in this so enjoy! Ill try making this as poetic abd beautiful as possible! I even made a cover 🤭🤭. I wanted to do it on wattpad but idk if anyone would read it tbh so Ill do it here but if y'all want I can write it on wattpad too❤️, and this will be in many many parts ❤️

This will mostly be in Jisungs POV but it might change through the story cuz yeah.

Also Jisung is Elio and Hyunjin is Oliver

This is how I imagine them in this story:

Warnings: boyxbox

Pt. 1

Alma de mi vida

if not later, When?

Jisung POV

"Later!" The word, the voice, the attitude.

I'd never heard anyone use "Later" to say goodbye before. It sounded harsh, curt, and dismissive, spoken with veiled indifference of people who may not care to see or hear from you again.

It is the first thing I remember about him, and I can hear ut still today. Later!

I shut my eyes, say the word, and I'm back in Italy (yes this will be in Italy, sorry 😭), so many years ago, walking down the tree-lined driveway, watching him steo out of the cab , billowy blue shirt, wide open collar, sunglasses, straw hat , skin everywhere. Suddenly he's shaking my hand, handing me his backpack, removing his suitcase from the trunk of the cab, asking if my father is home.

It might have started right there and then: the shirt, the rolled - up sleeves, the rounded balls of his heels slipping in and out of his flip flops, eager to test the hot gravel path that led to our house, every stride already asking, Which way to the beach?

This summer's houseguest. Another bore.

Then, almost without thinking, and with his back already turned to the car, he waves the back of his free hand and utters a careless Later! To another passenger in the car who was probably splut the fare from the station. No name added, no jest to smooth out the ruffled leave-taking, nothing. His one-word send-off: brisk, bold, and blunted -- take your pick, he couldn't be bothered Which.

You watch, I thought, this is how he'll say goodbye to us when the time comes. With a gruff,slapdash Later!

Meanwhile, we'd have to put up with him for six long weeks. I was thoroughly intimidated. The unapproachable sort.

I could grow to like him, though. From sharp jaw to rounded heel. Then, within days, I would learn to hate him.

This, the very person whose photo on the application form months earlier had leapt out with promises of instant affinities.

Taking in summer guests was my parents' way of helping young academics revise a manuscript before publication. For six weeks each summer I'd have to vacate my bedroom and move one room longed to my grandfather. Durning the winter months, when we were away in the city, it became a part time toolshed, storage room, and attic where rummor had it my grandfather, my namesake, still ground his teeth in his enteral sleep. Summer residents didn't have to pay anything, were given the full run of the house, and could basically do anything the pleased. Provided they spent an hour or so a day helping my father with his correspondence and assorted paperwork. They became part of the family, and after about fifteen years of doing this, we had gotten used to a shower of postcards and gift packages not only around Christmas time but all year long from people who were now totally devoted to our family abd would go out of their way when they were in Europe to drop B. for a day or two with their family and take nostalgic tour of their old digs.

At meals there were frequently two or three other guests, sometimes neighbours or relatives, sometimes colleagues, lawyers, doctors, the rich abd famous who'd drop by to see my father on their way to their own summer houses. Sometimes we'd even open our dining room to the occasional tourist couple who'd heard of the old villa and simply wanted to come by and take a peek and were totally enchanted when asked to eat with us and tell us about themselves, while Halmoni, informed at the last minute, dishes out her usual fare. My father, who was reserved and shy in private, loved nothing better than to have some precocious rising expert in a filed keep the conversation going in few languages while the hot summer sun, after a few glasses of rosatello , ushered in the unavoidable afternoon torpot. We named the task dinner drudgery -- and, after a while, so did most of our six-week guests.

Maybe it started soon after his arrival durning one of those grinding lunches when he sat next to me and it finally dawned on me that, despite a light tan acquired durning brief stay in Sicily earlier that summer, the color on the palms of his hands was the same as the pale, soft skin of his soles, if his throat,of the bottom of his forearms, which hadn't really been exposed too much sun. Almost a light pink, as glistening and smooth as the underside of a lizard's belly. Private, chaste, unflaged, like a blush on an athlete's face or an instance of dawn on a story night. It told me things about him I never knew to ask.

It may have started durning those endless hours after lunch when everybody lounged about in bathing suits inside and outside the house, bodies sprawled everywhere, killing time before someone finally suggested we head down to the rocks for a swim. Relatives, cousins, neighbours, friends, friends of friends, colleagues, or just about anyone who cared to knock at our gate and ask if they could use our tennis court -- everyone was welcomed to lounge and swim and eat and, if they stayed long enough, use the guesthouse.

[dearedwardteach]

Thank you! I completely agree with you and anon. I know the mv is very tongue-in-cheek and isn't meant to be taken seriously, but this concept is creepy and honestly doesn't send a very good message. If you said that on twitter though you'd get crucified. The song itself is boring. The lyrics are empty and shallow and the production sounds like it's been recycled from Just Dance. JK's vocals are great as always, but there's nothing interesting or unique about his vocal delivery. He just has a pleasant tone and good technique, which I guess is why he (arguably) has the most mainstream appeal out of all the members. I'm also trying to reserve judgment until I've heard the album, but I highly doubt it'll be as stimulating as D-day, JITB or Indigo, but I'm sure it'll receive 3x the amount of promotion. As an aside, I still don't like how ARMYs just brushed over the fact that Angel pt. 1 had a convicted sex offender on it and encouraged people to mass-buy and stream it uncritically. I hate that you can't criticize the members without being accused of being an anti or a solo. They're not infallible gods. They're human. And how are they ever supposed to grow as artists if they never receive criticism?

yeah it's like... it's funny cause it's jk and we might not know him personally but we also know he wouldn't hurt a fly (or at least we can hope) but yeah all in all, considering most of his fans are on the younger side, a lot of them teenage girls as well, it is really not a good message to send :/ in my opinion it basically feeds into conservative propaganda on straight relationships and consent (but that's not surprising considering the men involved in the making of this song. anyways. we hate it here)

and i have nothing to add on what you've said about the song in itself or his voice, I basically agree with you (I would go so far as to say he has the most common voice of all the boys, I can list at least two or three idols that have exactly the same voice as him but that's my own opinion and it doesn't take away his talent or how hard working he is!!). jk has always been, by far, the most popular, also bc since the beginning big hit worked at making him the perfect idol, much more than hyung line especially (also bc he was really young and probably more easily influenced than a suga that wanted nothing to do with it at the time and only embraced the idol life when it became something he loved), what with the whole cute but a bad boy, shy but sexy, perfect at everything he tries image they built for him. they also heavily relied on his sex appeal early on to bring fans in. so it's not surprising today that it's his image that sells more than the quality of what he puts out musically

yeah I won't go back to the whole angel pt. 1 debacle but sadly this was not the first time - nor will it be the last - that BTS took part in/endorsed something that was politically more than dubious and that army followed them blindly. i mean im expecting jungkook (or ot7) will eventually do a feat with justin bieber and he is openly anti abortion and a conservative christian so 💀

and yeah totally! it's also hard to know, at the end of the day, how much of a say they have in the decision making process but even so... their lyrics have a meaning, were and still are critical of a lot of issues, ffs yun is about an openly communist south korean artist who was shun by Korean society and haegum is an openly anticapitalist song so you'd expect them to actually apply that way of thinking to their actions. and I mean army is a big fandom so it's also hard to know, as a whole, if we really show them that that's what we expect of them or if most armys don't actually listen to the meaning of their songs / don't care about it / like them in spite of the message they carry

[straykidzstay]

Small Victories Pt. 3

The paring is Han Jisung x F!Reader. The reader isn't into K-Pop but when your best friend gets your friend group a position in a contest to win a chance to preform with stray kids. You may not want to do it but you will do anything for Gwen. What can happen its not like you'll win.

Talks about some social anxiety also im most likely posting two parts today, hopefully

This was the final week before the competition and I was starting to get scared that we might win. Today we had to go into the JYP Company building for interviews. Riding in the car with three of the seven other members in our group. Staring out the window all I could think about was how today was going to take forever. We are one of four groups competing, that's so many people. Hopefully we would be the first group on the roster. While I was stuck in my thoughts I felt Gwen tap my shoulder. 

“Hey are you there, we've been talking to you.” I looked at her then to my other friends. They all seemed concerned.

“Sorry guys!” I scratched the back of my head. “I was just thinking about how stressful today is going to be.” 

Mindy looked at me from the passenger seat. “It's going to be okay!” she smiled at me reassuringly.

Piper waved to me from the front seat, “yeah they are gonna love you kid!” Piper was the oldest out of all of us. She was 24 while the rest of us were  21 or 22. We often looked up to her like she was our mom, she was perfect for that role. 

Gwen leaned over and whispered to me “I know it's a lot of people, that makes you anxious.” She places her hand on my shoulder. “Just have fun and it'll be okay, I promise.” I just have to put on an act before I know how to sell myself. Working as a commissions artist I constantly have to sell myself. 

Assuring my friends id be okay we arrived at the building. Getting out we were escorted inside. I was shocked to not see the other groups in the waiting room. Maybe this wouldn't take long, I thought as I sat next to gwen. 

She smiled at me “So did you tell Peter about the contest?” she asked me innocently.

Quickly looking at her embarrassed. “No, I told him I'd be busy with family today.”

“So you lied?” she asked me, raising her eyebrow at me. 

Shocked, I brought my hand to my chest. “I'll have you know all of you bitches are my family.” throwing my hands out i shrugged, “so technically not a lie.” 

“Still a lie!” Fefe added from the chair to my left. The group laughed together while I rolled my eyes. 

“Shut it all of you.” I crossed my arms as a JYP representative approached us. 

“Hello ladies!” The man smiled at us waving. “I would like for you all to break up into two groups. We will be conducting the interview in two different rooms.” we all nodded in response quickly breaking up. “Perfect! Just be yourselves I feel like you all will do great!” He led my group to a room telling us some one would call us in the room when they were ready. 

Looking at my group, it was Gwen, Me, Amber, and Mindy. We all looked nervous, I just wondered who would be sitting behind that table. A few minutes passed and we heard a distant ‘come in’ from the other side of the door. Walking in the room there was a table where four men sat. It was Felix, Han, Chan, and Chagbin. On the other side of the table about six feet away was a long couch where we all quickly sat. sitting down i looked down at my hands when i looked up i made eye contact with Han. He was staring at me confused. I began to wonder if something was on my face. He realized where he was and snapped his gaze away from mine. 

“Thank you so much for being here today ladies!” Chan said this warmly, smiling at us. “We have a few questions for you today!” we all smiled back at him saying hello and waving. 

“Let's start with the easiest one: what are your names?” Felix said giving all of us a welcoming smile, Felix was very pretty in person. We told them our names. They all smiled at us telling us we had beautiful names. When I said my name Han seemed shocked but he didn't say anything. 

After a few generic questions we all had a few good laughs. Then we got into more complex questions. “This is a good one!” Han exclaimed “give us one quote to describe yourself.” I wasn't expecting a question like that to be honest. Usually the questions at these interviews are surface level. Going down the line it finally got to me

“I feel as if I'm made to understand but not to be understood.” I looked down quickly after giving my answer. Gwen reached over and squeezed my hand looking over at her and I smiled. 

“That was really deep Y/N.” Han said, looking at me softly. “I completely understand that feeling.” I smiled at him weakly shocked he identified with it. We continued answering questions for about 10 more minutes and the interview was over. We all smiled and said our goodbyes leaving the room rejoining the other half of our group. As we walked back to our car we talked about how well our interviews went. Getting in the car I felt my phone go off in my pocket. 

It had been a few hours since I heard from Peter. It bothered me that he was so upset with me over a joke. It's just an opinion about a K-Pop group, it's not that serious. Me and the girls were having a sleep over at Mindy's house. Her parents were loaded and often not home so this was a normal occurrence for us. All sprawled out on the big living room couch we were watching a scary movie. I enjoyed scary movies. They were some of my favorites. Living alone made me very hesitant to watch them so this is the first one I've seen in awhile. Gwen never liked them much; she was completely desensitized; she found them boring. I blame that on all the horror games she plays. 

“Damn you guys.” she said, breaking everyone's emersion. “Go look at Felix's twitter, some drama is popping off.” instantly we all pulled out our phones going to the bird app. Felix made a post and Han was popping off in the comments at the other boys.

I did find it a little weird that shortly after my conversation with Peter this suddenly happened. Again there’s no way they are the same person I refuse to ever think otherwise. Amber laughed at the post claiming they were probably kidding. She had to be right. I mean Han literally called Felix cute in his replies. While everyone talked back and forth I sat there and pondered if it would be bad if it was han. I would like to point out in no way did I have a crush on Han Jisung, but I did have a crush on Peter. If in a delusional world they were the same person. There were both pros and cons to this situation. The pros would be that he isn't bad looking, he has the same interest as me, and he's funny. The cons on the other hand are he's an idol and I don't want that pressure. He would have already lied to me about his name so can i trust him. Also he would know i've already lied to him, if he was Peter then he could clearly see i was not at my parents today.

Not to mention I don't want to ruin this competition for my friends. They've worked so hard I couldn't bear to ruin that because I stumbled upon him in public. Pulling myself out of my intrusive thoughts I focused back on the movie. Once the credits rolled we all decided to try and get some sleep. Splitting up between three guest rooms and Mindy’s own we all settled in for the night. I was rooming with Gwen as we usually do. We were both laying on our phones when she set her phone down.

She looked over at me, making me lower my own device. “Did you think the interview was a little weird?” When she asked me this I was confused we all agreed the interview went well.

“I thought it went great.'' I looked at her concern and started to pick apart everything I said earlier that day.

Shaking her head at me, “no, it was awesome I just mean.” she paused and looked down like she was trying to find a way to say it. “I dont know I noticed how Han was looking at you.” Oh no here we go again she's going to make some claim about Peter. “He seemed like he was in complete shock that he was sitting across from you.” 

As much as I want to deny what she said, it was the truth even I caught his expression. “Yeah, I saw that too.” I laid on my back looking at the ceiling letting out a sigh.

“Look, I don't want to make assumptions but.” there's always a but, “we need to figure out if they are the same person.” Looking over at her expression I could tell she was serious. 

Quickly snapping my gaze away from hers I felt panic set in. When Gwen was serious about something she was usually right. I really didn't want her to be right. For the next half hour we tried to come up with a plan to figure out if Peter was Han. We settled on attempting to get him to meet me in person but there is a chance he'll cover his face again. Gwen argued that I've seen Han in person now, maybe there would be a way for me to identify him. Now all i had to do was wait for Peter to stop being mad at me.

[jellyfishright]

Still My Beautiful Man - Pt 17

**** Kiyoi*****

This was something that needed to be taken care of once and for all Kiyoi resolved.

In the past he'd been content to just leave things as they were, knowing that he'd won in the end but it seemed the other party still thought the game was being played or that he had a chance--- he didn't.

It wasn't that he was unsure like he was in the past when he'd first seen them together. He knew Hira loved him but he didn't want to keep facing the recurring decimal that was Koyama.

He remembered the first time he'd seen the guy with a "bad taste in everything, " Koyama Kazuki, younger brother of his stage director, Kohama Youhei. He was smiling broadly as he sat beside Hira.

When he'd heard that he was Hira's boyfriend his heart nearly stopped. To know that there was someone else in Hira's life, he had to see for himself.

That day when he finally saw him again, besides being deliriously happy, he also knew---those eyes still belonged to him. He thought he'd won when he invited Hira to the after party only to be turned down. Had he been wrong?He was so confident he would have said yes that his confidence was just a little shaken when Hira had said he was busy.

Busy?

Busy how?

Spending the day at his house with Koyama for his birthday.

Hira's house had always been his place---now someone else was in his place.

It was also there he'd heard Koyama say those words explicitly to Hira "I like you." He thought for sure he'd lost. That Hira had slipped out of his fingers forever until that day.

"I just want the person that I like to be happy." Those were the words that had given im hope again. He really thought Koyama would back off after that but clearly he was a persistent person.

Today would be the end of it.

"You're Kiyoi Sou." the other person in the room recognized him the minute he stepped in and removed his hat and shades.

Kiyoi nodded while Koyama looked at him in surprise.

"How come you're here?" the young man asked. 

"I'm Koyama's friend." He lied.

Surprise was etched on both Koyama and the young man's face.

"Would you mind if I had a few minutes alone with Koyama?" he asked politely.

The young man nodded profusely.

"Sure. No problem."He quickly grabbed his things and left the room.

With just the two of them present, Kiyoi locked the door.He didn't want to be disturbed.

"How come you're here?" Koyama asked. "If you're looking for Hira I haven't seen him."

An amused expression was on Kiyoi's face "Why would I come to you asking for my boyfriend?" Koyama's eyes widened, no doubt in response to the term he'd used to refer to Hira.He walked further into the room. "I came here to see you."

"To see me? Why?"

Kiyoi exhaled and walked lazily to a chair which he spun before taking a seat. He pillowed his arms on the back of the chair and rested his chin.

"Did you want to say something?" Koyama prompted since Kiyoi was just looking at him.

"You and I need to talk."

"Talk about what?"

Kiyoi tilted his head thoughtfully to the side. It seemed this was how he wanted to play this.

"You. What do you want with Hira?"

"I like him." Koyama admitted. "I always have."

Kiyoi Hmph'ed.

"You really are a straightforward person." Kiyoi replied "Saying that to someone's boyfriend."

Koyama was unmoved.

"I won't waste words." Kiyoi began ."Hira belongs to me .I didn't think I'd need to actually tell you this but it seems  you are a very stubborn person."

Koyama chuckled , though there was no mirth in the sound.

"And what is this that you're doing? Marking your territory? Staking your claim?"

"Telling you how it is." Kiyoi replied simply. "I know you still like him but you should also know that you stand no chance so just let it go."

Koyama clicked his tongue.

"Let it go?" he was clearly displeased with Kiyoi's words "Let it go? Just who do you think you are ? Hira shouldn't even be with a person like you." he sneered. "I'm disgusted everytime I think about it."

"I know he shouldn't be with a person like me." Kiyoi admitted, throwing Koyama a little off guard  "But he is and I won't let him go..so just stop."

Koyama recovered quickly.

"Aren't you being a little too unfair to him? Shouldn't you atleast allow him to be with someone who can love and appreciate him openly? With you he will always be second, or third or wherever you think it's fit to place him."

Kiyoi made a face.

"Hira seems to have this crazy idea that he is the lucky one for getting to be with you but it's the other way around." Koyama's fingers balled in frustration. "To have someone in this world that loves you in such a singular way, it's--it's.."

"So I guess you do understand why I will never let him go again."

Koyama looked at him.

"I thought I could let him go. I thought I could give him up.I know he likes you.." Koyama sighed "But.."

"But it's hard right?" Kiyoi finished his sentence. "He pulls you in right? In that effortless, unassuming way, just by being himself he pulls you in and before long you can't imagine looking away."

Koyama was speechless as he looked at Kiyoi.

"I've never told anyone" Kiyoi looked at him. "When I lost touch with Hira after high school, I felt really lost.When he was gone, it felt like something was missing. He changed his number so I had no way to contact him." Kiyoi seemed to be transported back to that time as he spoke " I thought I'd never see him again.I didn't like a world that didn't have him in it.No matter how many eyes were on me, they weren't as powerful as his."

He looked at Koyama with a gentle smile.

"I guess I should really thank you in a way. That day you brought him to watch the play I finally found my missing piece.I was so happy to see those eyes again" He paused thoughtfully. "So I hope you can understand why I will never let him go again.Not for you..Not for anyone else." 

As though he was trying to process all Kiyoi said, Koyama remained silent for a little while.

"You're right.Of the two of us, I'm the lucky one. I always have been." His gaze became hard again "So that's why I won't allow anyone to try and take him away."

"As if that could happen." Koyama muttered sarcastically under his breath.

Kiyoi pretended not to hear as he stood to his feet.After putting his hat and glasses on, he walked to the door.

"And thank you..for being a good friend to him." He offered his parting words, leaving Koyama staring after him.

One down...

One to go..

                            *********************************Hira********************************

"Your boyfriend stopped by today." Koyama said to Hira as they sat reviewing images for a project.

"Heh?" Hira was surprised.

"Oh you didn't know?"

Hira shook his head.

After leaving the house he and Kiyoi had gone separate ways.He hadn't seen him in a few hours and had no idea he would stop by.

"What did he say?"

"That I should leave you alone...pretty much." Koyama replied nonchalantly.

Hira looked up from his work

"Heh?"

"You look surprised." Koyama commented.

If he was being completely honest, he was a bit surprised. He never imagined Kiyoi would do such a thing.

"He actually seems to love you alot." Koyama said somewhat begrudgingly.

"Hmm?" Hira tried to process

Koyama wasn't in the mood to repeat himself.

"About this thing with your internship." he changed the subject " Have you figured out what you're going to do?"

"Oh.Mmn. Kiyoi said he's going to apologize."

Koyama was now truly stunned.

"He's going to apologize to Akira?" Hira nodded. "And he'll be okay with you working there still?"

Hira nodded again.

Koyama fell silent, as though he was lost in thought.

                            ****************************Kiyoi*****************************

Kiyoi checked the address on the card Tanaka had written out. He was the right place.

He entered the photo studio and walked up to the receptionist.

It was a well decorated space wit captivating photos displayed at strategic spots. Looking around he smiled. Perhaps Hira could own a place like this one day.

"Is Akira Bento in?" Kiyoi enquired.

"Is he expecting you?" she enquired

"My agency sent me over for a consult." he replied.

"One moment." she got on the phone and dialled. She nodded her head as the person on the line gave her instructions.

"He'll be right out."

Kiyoi nodded.

A few moments later he appeared. He really was a handsome man.Wearing casual clothes, he had a camera dangling from his neck just like Hira often did.

"Which agency sent?--" he came barreling into sight, stopping short when he saw it was Kiyoi.

They stared at each other. "It's you." he placed his hands on his hips. "Well. Are you here to apologize?" he sounded a little impatient.

Kiyoi swallowed his own natural emotions, keeping the reason he was there at the fore of his mind.For Hira he could do it, screw his pride.

He simply nodded.

"Well?"

Did he expect him to speak right there?

"Can we talk in private?" Kiyoi requested.

Akira eyed him at first but simply grunted "Follow me."

Kiyoi followed closely as the man led him to an office space.

It was a well light office, natural light streaming through, giving perfect illumination. A few stunning photographs hung on the wall.

He sat and motioned for Kiyoi to do the same.

"Well?" he prompted again.

Kiyoi reached for his bag.He could see Akira become that much more alert as he watched him reach inside.

He retrieved Hira's former camera and handed it to Akira.

"What's this?"

"Please take a look."

The man hesitantly retrieved the camera and began to view the images.One after the other, he silently viewed each picture before handing it back to Kiyoi.

"You said you wanted to see what Hira loves." Kiyoi put the camera back into his bag. He stood to his feet and bowed deeply. "I'm sorry for what happened." he remained like that for a good few moments. 

"Now I see it clearly." Akira leaned back in his chair, his fingertips forming a steeple under his chin. "Is he your boyfriend?" Kiyoi's heart was pounding in his chest.

"He is." he confirmed, his voice low, his head still bowed slightly.

"Well then I'm the one who should apologize." Kiyoi's head shot up. "I didn't know he was already in a relationship or I would not have come on that strong."

Kiyoi was a little shocked.

"Please." Akira indulged him "Sit."

Kiyoi complied.

"What?" there was a shadow of a smile on his face. "Did you think I was the dragon they all make me out to be?"

Kiyoi didn't respond.

"I do admit. When it comes to my work I can be a bit..difficult." he seemed slightly amused. "Some use different words but it's all the same to me." he shrugged. "It's rare for me to take a liking to someone as I have done with Hira but I still have my scruples. If I had known he wasn't single, I would have kept my affections to myself."

"I'm partly to blame for that." Kiyoi admitted.

"You're right." Akira couldn't resist teasing. "You said he was your friend. Even the day at the photoshoot. You practically pretended as though you didn't know each other."

There was nothing there for Kiyoi to deny.

"Please don't blame Hira for any of this." Kiyoi looked at Akira "It wasn't his fault."

Akira shrugged and nodded. 

"Hira is a talented photographer. What happened between us has nothing to do with his work.It won't be affected."

Kiyoi sighed in relief.

"So you came to apologize, not because you think you were wrong but for Hira's sake?" Akira asked.

Kiyoi nodded once.

"As a boyfriend you were well within your rights I suppose. You did find me in a very compromising position. Perhaps in my younger years I would have done the same."

Kiyoi looked at him. He didn't look that much older than they were.

"Still." he continued "You might encounter this kind of problem again." he cautioned. "I'm sure you do not need me to tell you that Hira is a very handsome and charming young man. He has a kind of magnetism."

Kiyoi nodded.

"I'm not exactly sure about the reason you wish to keep your relationship with him a secret but just know that as long as it is, you might have to deal with this again." He leaned back in his chair "Although, to be honest, even if people do know he's your boyfriend, they may still try to approach him. " He laughed, a surprisingly pleasant sound. "Sorry. I was trying to comfort you at first but I guess I failed."

The air between them wasn't as tense now that they finally seemed to understand each other.

"Right. So you and I are squared. " Akira stood. "I accept your apology and there are no hard feelings."

Kiyoi stood and bowed gratefully.

"Thank you."

"Don't worry. I will take good care of Hira for the remainder of his time with me."

Kiyoi eyed him and Akira smiled, a twinkle in his eye.

"I meant, I will try to keep those other eyes away when we work on site. I can make you no guarantees but I will tell them he's taken."

Kiyoi smiled and bowed again.

Leaving the studio, he headed back to the agency to meet with Tanaka....

On his way he retrieved his phone and texted.

[Hira.I hope you're having a good day]

He smiled to himself as he read the message and thought of the one he sent it to. For Hira he could do anything. There was no doubt in his heart how much he meant to Hira, beginning today he would show and continue to show much Hira meant to him with everything he had.

[0thsense]

11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.