#also i think the doctor's sexuality is weird bc their first experiences were with the tardis

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

ive never thought before about how the tardis had a whole life before the doctor but of course thats implied in it being already old and broken when the doctor steals it - "i was already a museum piece when you were young" okay 1) problematic age gap fhkjghjg kidding, 2) how long do tardises, like, serve? how much has she already seen at this point of the universe while the doctor is like just out of school itching to see any of it

and she was being repaired right? so not Out of use yet she might still do some more? wiki says the type 40 had been taken out of service at least by the time of the fourth doctor so maybe since she was like damaged or whatever maybe they were just seeing whether it was worth the effort to repair or if they were just gonna decommission her at this point. maybe she knew that this was basically it and now she'd either sit here for the rest of the time and disintegrate or be recycled or she can seduce this young timelord

im a little bit obsessed with this new angle on their relationship ngl. "and i stole you" yeah you fucking did!

[songofsaraneth]

Ok now that I have time/space to breathe again, I wanted to do a writeup on the unusual reaction I had to the second Covid vaccine dose. I debated posting this, because I don't want to go against the "I was vaccinated and it's fine!" encouragement train. And I 1000% encourage EVERYONE to get vaccinated if possible. But I have not seen much documentation of the averse symptom I got, except in some case studies I specifically looked up so details below. Big TMI/gross warning however. 

Mostly I'm posting this because I had to do SO much self-advocating/arguing with the Dr at my urgent care clinic, and if you're not as read up on weird medical issues as I am, you might not be comfortable doing that. But IANAD, just describing my experience and what I read, which ended up being very long because it was awful and I have a lot to complain about I guess, sorry.

Basically: for me the vaccine triggered an inflammation response, which in itself is normal. The usual muscle aches/joint pain/slight fever. It also triggered an outbreak of ulcers in my soft tissues. Basically, a bunch of canker sores in my mouth/throat. I am already prone to getting these when I get sick or stressed out, so no biggie, annoying and painful but I could handle them. Canker sores are distinct from cold sores in that they form inside the mouth as crater spots, usually around the size of a pencil eraser (though can be bigger or smaller), and will develop a white film across the crater as they develop and start to heal.

An unfortunate fact I have learned: the mouth is not the only exposed “soft tissue” of the body. this group also includes genitals.

So 2 days after the vaccine I noticed a "burning sensation"/rawness downstairs, which turned into a sharp pain, especially when going to the bathroom. I obviously knew this was abnormal and because of what was happening in my mouth, had a pretty firm idea of what was happening, but was ready to brace myself through the healing process. However by day 5 I had 8 red, crater-like sores on the tissue of my vulva. Essentially they are open wounds, and urine is an acid, so you can imagine the hell that using the bathroom had become. Even just sitting hurt.

As someone healthcare-averse, even I knew this was untenable, and went to Urgent Care for the first time in my adult life. I told the NP what was going on, how they matched the canker sores (NOT cold sores) in my mouth in onset/form--and she immediately, without even looking, diagnosed me with herpes.

Lots of people have herpes or other STIs, and that's fine. I know I do not have any, and wanted to pursue treatment for what I was sure they were--Non-sexually acquired genital ulceration (NSGU). I had even found three case studies of COVID patients who had developed them. I had spent several harrowing hours on google images making sure that the sores I had did not match any STI I may have magically acquired during a year of social distancing. I even brought up multiple case studies, including a woman who had them as a Covid reaction in a neighboring state. Didn’t matter. She looked at them and went “Yikes! Herpes!” and prescribed me: 

1) an antiviral, which I said I did not think would do anything because the trigger for this was a vaccine not an illness. She said it was probably a herpes flare up already in my system. I reiterated that I have had similar sores in my mouth since childhood and that all my past doctors and dentists agreed it was not viral but something related to an immune response. She said the antivirals should clear them up in a few days.

2) a topical 5% lidocaine ointment, aka an oral grade numbing gel, which was essentially what I was after anyway.

I would have preferred a steroid course to the antiviral, but agreed to start taking them until she got the results of the bloodwork I needed to come in the next day for. I asked how many days after taking them I would expect to see a difference/if she would reevaluate treatment if they didn’t have an effect in a certain amount of time, and she said if they hadn’t cleared up by Monday then she’d look into other causes (spoiler, they did nothing in that 4 day span). to her credit, when she saw me pick up my bike helmet (because my car had been at the mechanic for a month by then), she was properly horrified that i was having to bike everywhere with this situation and printed off some coupons/called all the prescriptions into the grocery store pharmacy next door instead of the CVS my insurance likes a mile away.

So eventually I got home and took my pill & went to put on the ointment so I could use the bathroom for the first time in 8 hours. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say I had an extremely, overwhelmingly painful 10 minutes of application. Like absolutely awful burning feeling. However once that faded, I was indeed actually numb, and so I figured it was worth it. Got my bloodwork done on Friday (biking there & home again). On Saturday, I thought that you know, maybe a prescription anesthetic shouldn’t be doing that or at least have some sort of warning? And read the details on the jar.

Good things about lidocaine: it is a powerful numbing agent and lasts pretty well for an hour or two.

Bad things about lidocaine: you cannot get oral grade lidocaine without added mint flavoring.

I happen to be EXTREMELY sensitive to mint. Like I still can’t handle breath mints or mouthwash, and used bubblegum flavored toothpaste until I was 14 and found a brand with half as much mint flavoring as is typical. Even if you’re not, mint has no business being anywhere near genital tissue. Even on an average person that could cause awful burning. to make a long saga shorter I had a very frustrating back-and-forth with urgent care involving many rerouted phone trees, visit in person, unhelpful receptionists, and attempts to find over-the-counter alternatives. All were fruitless so I just  suffered all weekend until the urgent care Nurse Practitioner called me back on Monday and was suitably apologetic/outraged about the mint thing, and looked up every OTC product that might work as a substitute, since she couldn’t find any prescription level without mint. On Tuesday she called back again having found this:

It’s 4%, so just below prescription strength, while not oral grade, it’s actually fine for soft tissues as long as not fully ingested/internally applied. And most importantly, ABSOLUTELY NO ADDED FLAVORINGS. there is also a spray version that comes in a bottle, which under no circumstances should you try because it uses alcohol as a propellant and I had a very bad 5 minutes after testing that one. But the cream one is fine and brings blessed numbness in around 5 minutes with only minimal contact pain--they are still open wounds after all. 

I use this for the next 7 days. By this point the sores have gotten worse and larger, and then started to heal and shrink again. Mouth canker sores go through a similar ~2 week process, so this is about what I expected.

Finally the results of my bloodwork came back, and I was negative for all STIs. The NP was dumbfounded and apologized, and agreed to look up more information/treatment options for cases like this in the future. I’m not surprised her reaction was to assume herpes as it IS very common, but I’m sure other women experience NSGU’s and receive improper treatment. If you look them up, they’re even mentioned as being predominantly a problem for “young or prepubescent women” which, reading between the lines--it’s not that these become less likely if you’re older or sexually active. Doctors just make assumptions and don’t always look past the easy answers.

So if you or someone you know ends up with these--from the Covid vaccine or as a complication of upper respiratory infections in general (as they ARE an immune response and can just Happen to you)--here is what works as treatment. If you can see a doctor you trust, still do that. But if they don’t listen or if for some reason you can’t seek treatment, here is the course of action I recommend: 

Pick up that over-the-counter Pain Relief+Lidocaine NON MINTY numbing cream ASAP. Sores go from “annoying” to “excruciating” in only 3 days, so it’s best to get in person or with rush shipping. Sit in front of a mirror and gently apply with a q-tip, and wait 5 minutes for the medicine to take effect.

Pat gently dry with toilet paper, don’t make wiping motions. If you don’t feel clean enough, pat more with a wet washcloth and rinse it out, or hope in the shoer for 5 min just to rinse.

There may be pus or reside from the ointment that doesn’t go away with just rinsing. Every 2 days I made a half-strength bath of epsom salts, NUMBED FULLY, and then took a 10 minute bath to fully cleanse the area. the salt will sting terribly if you wait any longer, so I recommend standing and rinsing after this time.

The vulva is more exposed to air than the mouth. this may cause the sores to crack/bleed as they dry out. to avoid this, after using the restroom and cleaning yourself, you can apply a thick coating of Aquaphor on top of the sores. It will need to be rinsed off before you apply more numbing cream however, so if that is too many steps I recommend just using the Aquaphor overnight.

You may think its ok to get up in the middle of the night to pee without the numbing cream bc you have to go really bad and just once will be fine but it is NOT you will REGRET IT.

Unfortunately if you have sores on both sides you may develop what is known as “kissing sores”, aka sores directly opposite each other that touch when the area is not spread open. this means that after an extended period of time (overnight), the sores will try to heal into each other and opening the area back up painfully rips the tissue apart. INStEAD of ripping them apart, take a washclosh, run it under warm water, and do a hot/warm compress on the area. this will loosen the sores back up and separate them painlessly.

This is not exclusive to people with a vulva, they can also happen on scrotal/anal tissue. However it does seem to much more frequently affect people with typical XX sex organs. 

If you develop these, PLEASE fill out an averse reaction form or your country’s equivalent. Also, I’m so sorry and if you need emotional support or have questions please feel free to get in touch.

Most likely, these will not happen to you--the vast majority of vaccinated people have not had this as a side effect. But it IS popping up more and more, and it is good to know about it in advance so you can be prepared to deal with and treat it without as much anxiety and all the hoops I had to jump through to get good care. Overall I’m still glad to be vaccinated, but if I had known this was a side effect, as someone already prone to canker sores I would have waited to vaccinate until my car was fixed a week later a the very least :|

[flying-elliska]

Hii Ellie. This is kind of a personal question and it’s totally okay if you don’t answer it. How did you come to terms with your sexuality? How or when did you know you were bi? I know that it’s not about putting tags on people or anything like that, it’s just that I’ve kind of been struggling with it and it’d be nice to read your experience if you want to share it

Ooooh anon do you have three hours ? lol. Of course I want to talk about it if it can help anyone even a little. 

The tl;dr is : in stages, I struggled a lot, and bi characters were super important to me. 

So I think as a kid/teen I always had this vague notion that ladies were very pretty, but I was not a lesbian bc I liked boys too much, and besides I had these horrible ideas in my mind about queerness being immature and yucky, it was bad. I think I pretty much did have crushes on several of my girl friends but I just didn’t understand that’s what it was, just super intense friendship and being jealous when they got boyfriends hmmmm. Also my ‘fashion folder’ was full of pics of Keira Knightley in a tank top, cause that’s the height of fashion, am I right. I also wrote a letter to a girl I met at camp telling her her voice was so soft and eyes were beautiful and full of stars...do you wanna be friends ? Lol I was so obvious I swear, but it’s funnier in hindsight. 

Then when I was 18 I met this older girl in my circle of friends who was bisexual and I thought it was really cool, but I didn’t really connect the dots. I am ashamed to say, I thought she was saying that to give herself a vibe. 

Then when I was 19 i bingewatched the series Torchwood  ( a Doctor Who spinoff) and it felt like an absolute revelation. Jack Harkness, the MC, is this incredible badass rogue time travelling adventurer from the future who charms women and men left and right without any issue about it. (I think he’s...omnisexual or something ?) But this is the first time I saw the possibility of being attracted to multiple genders as something that’s actually valid. Seems silly now but this was almost 10 yrs ago, lol. It was the dark ages in terms of queer rep back then. And it’s such an integral part of Jack’s character, and he’s just so cool and it really struck a chord with me, this idea that in the future anyone can love whoever they want. There was the idea of a society that is founded on those principles, and well, I am very political in nature I guess, and i was like. yes. i can see it now. but it remained theorethical. 

Then the year after that, Erasmus exchange and I meet this girl. Like, it was bam! in your face, I fell head over heels. Now, tbh, I don’t get attracted to people all that often, but when it came to her it was absolutely indeniable. Now, she was already with someone else, so we remained just friends and it did suck a little, but I’m not sad, because it taught me a lot about myself (and she was just such a cool person in general I’m glad I met her). I just couldn’t get past it, yeah she was cool and stuff but I didn’t just want to be her friend, I was attracted to her, I daydreamed about being in a couple with her, doing romantic stuff, etc. And it was super validating to learn she was also bi a little later down the line (she was such goals in general, god.) So then after that I was like...um am I a lesbian ? Like I do have a lot of issues with men. And so I spent a lot of time having this wishy washy thing in my head.  Also that year, I was in Amsterdam taking all those gender studies classes. And it opened up my mind in a radical way - learning about queer history, the fact that sexualities are socially constructed, feminism, activism, etc etc....it allowed me to let go of a lot of my crappy internalized prejudices. I also wrote an essay on burlesque with in field research because i ‘liked the costumes’ yeahhhh right okay. The levels of denial oh my god. ANyway. 

Then i got really, really into Supernatural for a while (sigh...it was better back then, I have to say). This was s8 and the high moment of the ‘let’s prove Dean Winchester is bi’ meta palooza on tumblr. And spending so much time hunting for clues and reading so much about people explaining their own experiences of being bisexual and not realizing it until later I was like....wait a minute....That’s just so me. Dean probs will never come out of the closet, because they’re cowards, but I certainly did, so yay, I guess. I looked over my past and I was finally able to understand. I wrote the meta of my own life. Lmao. And I was able to come out to one of my friends on the phone. I felt so fucking powerful afterwards. Then to a few other friends. And it felt good. 

Then I came back to Amsterdam and I was like, alright, time to stop being a coward and actually get involved in some real life LGBT stuff. So I joined a student association and man. It was so fucking scary. I remember, they had this meet up at a bar every month, and I actually went twice, and every time I just was too nervous to actually go inside, i stood in front of it, and I went home. So in the end I actually signed up to be a member and for the integration day, so I just forced myself to show up. And I did. It was so incredibly nervewracking. I met up with a group of students holding up a rainbow flag in front of the central station and we had these series of challenges to do - take a pic with a rainbow flag in front of one of those bible thumpers, stage a harry potter duel in public, order a starbucks drink with the name ‘Vagina Jensens’, mimick the titanic scene where they’re on the edge of the boat...it was so silly and fun and everyone was so nervous in the end, it was awesome. I ended up on the newsletter committee of that association and I had a blast, interviewing people, writing book reviews, etc...I did have complexes though, that everyone was more cool and gay aware than me lol. But it still did a lot for me and helped me come out to my family. (at a restaurant for my 25th birthday because i am a drama queen lol.). At the same time it was very...mainstream gay frat house lol. Focused on partying and drinking and being sociable in a way that can be exhausting to me, and a little light on the politics, which has always been important to me. After that I volunteered for the Eurobicon as I spoke about earlier and it was so important to me, that being bisexual is such a worthy identity to have in itself and important to me beyond being just queer, it was really cool. 

I’m not totally there yet I guess, because I find relationships in general difficult, it’s been a while, I often feel like i don’t have enough experience to call myself bi, I’m nerdy and awkward, I don’t fit the cliché of the seductive bisexual, etc etc. i sometimes think that i’m a little bit on the ace spectrum too or at least demisexual because i don’t seem to be into people as often as most of my friends, and even then it’s very emotionally-focused. I also feel very weird about gender in general so that’s also a whole other thing. And my brain is wonky and i feel it interacts with all that.  I still have moments of ‘oh what if i’m actually a lesbian ! straight ! ace !’ looool.

But less now. I’m learning to let myself just...Be. ahahahahaah. And also I have more and more bi friends and that helps a lot, to just randomly swoon over multigendered celebrities and learn to be very casual about it. 

Anyway my point is. I included all those messy (kinda embarassing) details because : getting to terms with your sexuality is fucking hard. The wow i figured it out young and then came out and it was great thing ? still not for everyone. I think a key part is, we grow up with these ideals of the perfect life, of what it means to be the protagonist of your life - and most of the time still it involves hetero couple, marriage, babies - and to look beyond that, for a while, it feels like you’re going off track, disqualifying yourself. So it’s hard. Sometimes you actually need several moments of revelation, of it sinking in. It’s fine, it’s all fine. You’ll get there. No pressure. Don’t try to fit your story into a certain pattern. It’s yours, so it’s valid. 

[koolkvat-blog]

       hello  loves  ,   what’s  up  !   i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  &  to  finally  play  my  precious girl  ,   jade aka kool kat   .   i’m  LOLA  ,   use  she / her prounouns  ,   i am NINETEEN  ,   &   i  am  currently  in  the  gmt + 1 timezone  which  means  yes  ,  my  ass should’ve  been  awake  for  intro  posting  but  i  don’t  know  what  time  management  is  and  ended  up  swamped  w/  work  ,  so  !   everything   you  need  to  know  about  about  miss  kat  is  under  the  cut  ,   &  i’m  rlly  thrilled  to  be  apart  of  such  a  wonderful  rp  with  such  gorgeous  muses  .  corniness over  ––   if  you’re  looking  to  plot  sumn  out  ,   just  hit  that   ♥︎    &   i’ll  make  my  way  on  over  to  ur  dms  ,  or  feel  free  to  add  me  up   on  discord  which  i’ll  give  in im’s  if  anybody’s  interested  !   ♡♡♡         tw  :   family issues  ,  body image issues  &  drug mention  ( not  explicit ) . 

001 . SYNOPSIS  . FULL     NAME  .      jade        kikuchi . NICKNAMES  .      kool kat    . AGE  .      twenty - one . DATE     OF     BIRTH  .      twenty  -  seventh     of     september   ,     1993      /     libra . PLACE     OF     BIRTH  .      harajuku ,   tokyo ,     japan .         GENDER  .       cisgender     female . SEXUALITY  .     (  closeted  )  pansexual  . NATIONALITY  .      japanese  ,  now  american  too  after  successfully  gaining  citizenship  . ETHNICITY  .      asian  . OCCUPATION  .       fashion designer at katz designz      ,     former  fashion  design  and  journalist  student  back  in  her  original  timeline  . PLAYLIST  .      here  !  (  +  )     charismatic , enthusiastic , warm , energetic , adventurous , compassionate , animated . (  -  )     deceptive ,  independent ,  emotional , territorial , ambitious , impulsive , temperamental , insecure , sarcastic .  

002 . AESTHETIC  .      wheatgrass  smoothies , 90′s  anime  with  subtitles  , chanel  no. 5, speeding  on  a  desert  road  with  the  windows  down ,  painting  your  toenails  on  the  dashboard ,  neon  prints ,  cat  lazing  on  a  balcony  in  the  sun , black  lace ,  japanese  horror  films  ,  sour  cocktails  with  sugar  around  the  rim , half - smoked  cigarettes ,  stacks  of  fashion  magazines , long  hair  hastily  dyed  different  colours in  a  motel  bathroom ,  thrift  stores   .

003. INFORMATION  .

tl;dr : a flighty, inattentive adventurer: a follower of whims; personable and sociable but lacks the skills to maintain relationships because she’s entirely (and perhaps too) career focused, checks her horoscope daily and entirely relies on the stars when concerning relationships, epitome of a britney spears / gwen stefani stan back in the 2000′s, still owns a (bedazzled) flip phone, collector of vintage fashion (chanel, elle, juicy couture etc.) a subscriber to the Leonardo Da Vinci sleeping method; catch her at 2 am making soufflés or buying plane tickets to shiwei so she can really experience the culture: will tell you she loves you ten minutes after first introduction because she’s high: kind of unintentionally insensitive to those she doesn’t know and closed off but in like a cool, lovable way. 

•    heads up im running on like 5 hrs sleep so sry when this inevitably derails ! ok sweet let’s get into this . 

•    so as aforementioned this is jade kukichi, aka, kool kat. she was dubbed that by her friends due to her unique fashion style and sense of dress, and it’s stuck. lbr nobody other than her friends can use that term so if you do, she’s just going to stare at u for a quick sec before saying ‘it’s jade’. 

•    born in harajuku, tokyo to a cardiothoracic surgeon of a father and a politician of a mother, jade grew up traveling the world and becoming flighty af, never thinking she was going to make long - term friends and kinda being okay with that. 

•    her family has never stayed in one place for very long, though her aging parents eventually settled into a permanent residence in the us around the time she turned sixteen, not soon enough for jade to break the habit of wandering, but thankfully quick enough for her to meet the bratz girls who were just as adventurous and fun - loving as she. she's spent much of her teen life jumping from place to place wherever her interests are that moment, collecting people along the way, but to find friends was the only thing she was missing. jade has a brilliant mind, but she lacks patience and follow through. she needs guidance or she'll jump from idea to idea, job to job, whim to whim.

•    ngl, jade pretty much hated her home life. her parents were an overbearing presence in her life, her mother wanting jade to be a proper lady who also went into a profession like theirs (entirely serious and stifling when it came to creativity, doctor, politician, lawyer etc.) while jade herself wanted to check out the latest trends and go to the mall w her friends – so she turned all of her focus and energy into getting good grades in everything she wanted to do in the hopes that she could be the most successful fashion designer, then leaving town forever. 

•    like she spent 7 yrs in high school graduating w honours but she barely knew what was happening in 9/10 of her classes and sometimes she just slept through classes and then wing her exams which she miraculously did well at. it was just not a good idea to send jade to a public school at 11 after being in boarding school for the rest of her life and then never really enforce any rules :~\ she has trouble with that kind of thing.. as in making logical choices instead of saying "YEAH lets go watch american psycho and smoke weed!" skipping chemistry to do just that 

•    she loves fun and values doing what makes her happy over most things. it's hard to pin her down and she spends most of her life chasing after ideas that don't really follow any sort of conscious order, bc she’s really got that ‘i’ve got dreams and i’m gonna do everything in my power to achieve them’ personality. 

•    according to bratz canon she’s worked as literally everything ? she’s one of those insufferable people who r just. good everything ig and that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth. jade’s been a photographer, a song - writer and bass player in a rock band (shout out to bratz rock angelz the best movie w the best soundtrack ever), a student studying fashion design, a fashion columnist, a quickly fired nanny, and many other things in between. 

•    so when she appears in toonsville she’s kind of out of it that she’s not doing something w her skills and sets up her own business which she loves ? being her own boss suits her fine (for now) because she’s got a Real Job and she's actually trying rly hard so she can fulfill her dreams !! like suck it mom nd dad haha !!!

•    jade has a lot of weird feelings TM about her body and her looks and struggles a lot with her self confidence :~( she had a shit time at school with boys saying she was too thin and she compensated by acting like she didn't like anyone at all for a while and now she thinks she isn't good enough for anyone when rly she is a cinnamon bun too good for this world too pure 

•    best friend ever she is so good at being a friend if u text her at 3am to go out or cry on her shoulder shes ready to go at 3:15 even if she was sleeping w lots of snacks and treats and love!!! she is sooo extroverted around those she’s comfortable w, she gains so much energy from being around people and she loves being nice and being around ppl she likes 

•    she becomes the mom of groups pretty easily (hence why she’s the leader of the bratz) bc she bottles up most of her own problems to help ppl with theirs!! which is toxic yea but she puts people first always so !! plz help her poor repressed soul!! rip kool kat.. 

•    still super into the stuff of her time so like.. she loves the x files and bad reality tv shows (i want to be a hilton) and reads gossip magazines on the reg because she enjoys that stuff! also very into girl groups.. ginger spice / posh spice is an eternal mood.  

•    anyway yes sweet adult-child of 21 (she is in denial about that tho like she doesn't want to be childish) who is v nice v kind v loyal v baked a lot of time, v passionate v silly. idk what i'm doin hope u like it < 3

004. WANTED CONNECTIONS . 

friends / best friends / ride or dies . jade genuinely loves people, loves talking to strangers and getting into intense conversations with people she’s only just met, learning other people’s way of life and bettering herself for getting. she is, however, incredibly blunt and has never once minced words to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or to ease them into a situation. she’d much rather have a one-time conversation with a stranger than make long lasting relationships. she has three very close friends –  to the point of co - dependence –  and honestly, she’d rather spend all of her time doing things she loves such as her hobbies, sticking her nose into the latest vogue, or searching for cute collars and treats for her cat mica w them instead of making new friends. she's also FUN and she'd be happy to go on crazy road trips or buy out a movie theater for a day or anything that she thinks will her buds happy. she's traveled all over, so she’s v well read and cultured. she loves people but she hates complication and won't deal with any sort of emotional labor. she wants to live in the moment and expects everyone in her life to do so as well. just be chill, y'all. 

frenemies / enemies /  rivals  . please be her enemy, she needs people to antagonize shdhshd. she grew up pretty much affluent so she’s pretty spoiled even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and that rebellious side of her hasn’t died down yet. despite the fact that she is wealthy and in good community standing, she has a hard time letting go of childish grudges. in general she’s got a lot of suppressed feelings and ready to fight everyone who hurts her friends – like an irritated cat – so, honestly, come at her ? she is sometimes a little fickle and flighty and a unintentionally stuck up when it comes to art / fashion and she has definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time and pissed the wrong people off, she can’t stand anyone underestimating her or thinking she’s dumb bc she’s interested in fashion. like gtfo !

ex’s , fwb’s , possible love interests .  jade is fairly fluid romantically and is the type of person who hates labels but also just wants to be cherished and called cute pet names lowkey. she loves a lot and gives a lot to her relationships, but typically doesn't want to commit to anything important. she’s gone from one disastrous relationship to another, ending up with a boyfriend who constantly ridiculed her image that was essentially the catalyst for her cutting off romantic ties, quite a recent wound before she found herself on the island actually. worst thing is tht she’s convinced herself that she’s been the problem in these relationships –  that she turns good people bad or that she is too much for people to deal with, she’s not sure what the issue is and she doesn’t really want to know. so…. fuck everything amirite ? anyway, she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no (wo)man. 

etc . pls give me people jade can give a makeover to, people she shares an apartment w on the island, people who think fashion is girly and vapid.. creatives who love what she’s doing, anything tbh << 3

[terriblygrimm]

This may be a personal question, but if a television show were to represent a character as asexual, how would you want them to so? like in terms of stereotypes to avoid and handling it all respectively.

hey thank you for this :) it’s not a personal question i’m happy to answer!!

short answer: no matter what age the character would be, i’d just want someone to write a character, that’s it. the original character they had in mind- but make them ace. it shouldn’t be defining in any way, but aces just don’t dig people like that. just a normal element of a person’s life like anything else.

long answer: while asexuals can literally be anyone, i’d like for them to avoid the sterotypes of the “quiet, awkward, self conscious shy kid”. because i feel like people already #1, think asexuality is a phase, and #2 if they believe in it, associate it with people who don’t act like most people, or that aces are ppl afraid of intimacy. i just wouldn’t want them to perpetuate some kind of already ingrained idea of an “~outsider”. (not to invalidate any aces that are ace & have experienced trauma, but general audiences have the total IQ of a spork).

i’m not sure if you’ve seen shadowhunters but raphael santiago is an asexual vampire. and while it’s a supernatural show and he was a side character, they handled it with grace. he told his love interest he’s just not interested in sex and that he’s always been that way. she was fine with it and the story moved on! lol. he had his own character & it didn’t revolve around his sexuality, he was just simply part of the story with his part to play.

that’s how i’d want it handled tbh. asexuals are just regular ppl but we’re not sexually attracted to any gender. we want romance, playfulness, the whole shebang (unless you’re aromantic, but we’re strictly talking ace rn). i personally love romance - as in the idea of having a partner. the connection and all that entails. i like the warm fuzzies, i like cuddling, i like getting gifts and holding hands. but i’m not one for dating culture or fakeness, so you can see the hardship. in my experience with being ace, you’re basically someone looking at an ant hill. looking at all of these sex obsessed little ants weaving in and out of relationships, talking about sex, the media peddling sex, ppl talking as if sex is the endgame, constantly hearing shit like ‘how many ppl have you slept with?’ ‘i’d fuck him!’ ‘so and so is so hot’- just completely saturated with sex everywhere in every conversation and you’re just standing there like hm interesting. that’s the best way i can describe it lol. EVEN MY DOCTOR when i was a teenager told me i should “really get on that” when i told her i wasn’t sexually active. so.

i’ve known i’ve been ace since high school. i didn’t know the word for it until my 20s, which made me feel like i was on the outskirts, but it NEVER made me feel bad or self-conscious (i know i’m prob in the minority with that) but i never felt i was ~weird, just different. all my friends would talk about their crushes, who they found “hot” and they’d ask me what my “type” was and i’d honestly make things up lol. because i didn’t have one but i didn’t know what to say because i didn’t know this sexuality existed.

so point is, if they were to make a high school ace, or a coming of age ace- i’d just want it to be a typical kid who couldn’t relate to a sex obsessed world. who didn’t have those weird sexual phases in high school of wanting to hook up with ppl, and who didn’t have pictures of hot actors in their locker. but who also didn’t mind getting off or watching porn, or having a signficant other and experiencing nice things.

think loosely of a jughead jones a la s1 of riverdale. the first few eps. i FELT jughead. he gave off SUCH STRONG ace vibes. i was over the moon with his characterization before they ruined it, did a 180 and made him a boring hetero (and i stopped watching immediately bc aroace erasure can suck a fat one). but jughead was snarky, he was SMART, he could see things as they were, he was an introvert but wasn’t ashamed of it and had a best friend on the football team. just a regular kid who rolled his eyes at all of archie’s relationship problems lol. had no problem connecting to people but he just didn’t want to. & even before they turned him into a trainwreck, he felt shy around betty, wanted a fist kiss, etc. which are all things that i went through as well. the shyness, the crushes, the awkward first kisses, etc just like any other teen.

as an adult, i’m a sex-neutral ace that enjoys sex occasionally and getting off for stress relief and emotional relief. but do i ever want to have sex because of the OTHER PERSON’S PHYSICALITY? no. literally not once in my life. i’m not sexually attracted to people like that. i can find ppl hot, aesthetically appealing, but do i want them? no.

sorry for the tmi, but sexual experiences are important to address when talking about asexuality and discovering who you are in relation to it. it’s a spectrum and everybody’s different so the tldr version is essentially make them a REGULAR fully fledged character, just ace.

[darkouter]

has lesbian sugar momma ever gotten crowley a date? has he had sex from this? has he had sex in general? has he been in love? whats his orientation? b/c the about you have for him says queer and i was wondering what that means for him

i love y’all horny on main lmao

(i’m joking.  maybe.  either way i love anons)

first:  do not reblog this post!!!!!  idk if anyone will but sometimes personals find my posts randomly and y’all need to ( velma voice ) Stop That.......

but yes to each of those!!!!  they have had sex, dates, romance, etc.  just not often.

near The Beginning of their time on earth, they still identified with non-humans more than not, so they still kind of.  didn’t really associate themself with humans at that point in time?  they weren’t in love with humanity yet, so they didn’t feel that level of attachment to singular people as much.  they became more caring as time went, doing things like showing jesus around, you know?  small acts of kindness since they can’t get away with grand gestures.  that wouldn’t be very Evil Demon Servant of Hell of them, would it?

again, i headcanon them as originally raphael, and “Saint Raphael is accounted patron of travelers, the blind, happy meetings, nurses, physicians, medical workers, matchmakers, Christian marriage, and Catholic studies” (raphael’s wikipedia page).  in the book of enoch, raphael is also mentioned as a figure seen and described as “who is set over all the diseases and all the wounds of the children of men, is Raphael.”  they were also given the task of healing abraham and saving Lot, then healed Tobit of blindness, and they probably just did a lot of other stuff too that i don’t feel like looking up bc i think my point is made well enough here lmao

so they’re known as a being of healing and for empathy towards humans.  obviously, a lot of this information mentioned is post-fall, but i just use it to characterize what type of angel they were always meant to be, even if they ended up on a different path in the series.  i hope that makes sense!  but because of this association, i headcanon they would often step in and heal people or (like with jesus) show people the world, as that was their intended purpose/patronage.  i feel like there’s a doctor who joke to be made here, but i’m just gonna jeb bush it and not actually make up a joke.

so they do end up getting closer to individuals.  traveling and healing is bound to bring you closer to people.  it has also led to them being hurt a lot because people die and they don’t.  they can’t exactly continue to put off someone’s death forever, they would never get away with it.  they try to become more aloof, put on a facade, and generally drive humans away from them.  they’ve got a demon image to uphold too!  can’t be getting on with people.  gotta be off-putting, intimidating, and generally very cool and sexy (maybe cool and sexy is not necessary by demon standards but they think it is totally necessary, very sinful to be seductive, right????).  

but, as we all know, they’re a big softy, so it doesn’t really work out.  they’re a romantic that likes to care for people.  it’s just in them, and we see it in the show how they try so hard with aziraphale.  they got a lotta love to give and they feel unlovable as a demon, so someone pursuing and having and staying in a relationship with them is very fulfilling.  i’m not sure about a number because they got.........  you know, thousands of years to have had relationships, but i don’t think it would be very many when you consider how long they have lived.

sex is similar.  they can totally justify it because it’s a sin.  they’re very interested in it because it’s so human to have sex and is very much an active choice for them to make because angels/demons aren’t really sexual beings and it’s totally unnecessary, but it’s fun!!!!!!!!  it’s just something people do for pleasure a lot of the time, and that’s really cool, and they’re totally into hedonism lmao.  HOWEVER.............  they’re so awkward on every level, and they can get super embarrassed, and they never make the first move on that sort of thing.  that’s just them socially; they’re insecure and fear rejection or making a fool of themself.  and they try so hard to cultivate an image...  it just crumbles apart

anyways they kind of act like every romance or sexual interaction is completely new to them each time dfgblksdfn humans are so weird.................

also they don’t really identify as anything bc gender / physical sex characteristics are just human stuff to them, but would most identify with queer bc it’s a catch-all term the humans made up, and it’s the least label of the labels in their opinion lmao.  they don’t really care, let alone care to describe themself in human terms

as for with miss newton, they have had more experiences since becoming totally-not-friends-demons-don’t-have-friends with her.  she drags them out, has definitely taken them to bars, has definitely thrown people at them.  none of them have been particularly long-lived because they have been working much closer to aziraphale in recent years due to raising warlock, so they kind of have him on the mind most of the time.  but gosh darnit miss newton is trying, y’all

anyways, with rps on this blog, some verses will probably be different on a case by case basis with interacitons.  in their human verse that i’m currently having with vclvetwaistcoat, for example, things are obviously not as spread apart/rare for them, and they don’t meet aziraphale until later in life, so.

god did i answer all of the questions.  umm.  flirting?  they like to flirt toward people but get nervous when it’s aimed back at them.  but they like it.  i think that’s everything

[wolgrahas]

not to be horny on main bbbuuut....

it’s a fuck-ass long rant so beware lads ;’)

i just want to find someone who i can have a deep connection with and.... fuck a lot ahgagahahssjkd

i’m  a virgin and i’m horny and i have severe social anxiety and i wanna fuck with someone afdhsdagsdshs, but... with someone i love ://

and the worst thing is that i’ve been reading a lOT of smut aka written porn with felings the past days and fffffcukkkk i just wanna have someone i can share my body with and both feel good... and i’m 20 which makes everything worse bc i have never had sex and neither i’ve been interested in anyone (just... one boy... in high school... who was the only one who treated me well and well... i was 14 and fucking depressed and my family and friends treated me like shit so it was like “oooooh shit, someone who treats me well... now i wanna fuck him :))” it was kind of weird tbh, tho we didn’t even talked that much sfhfsgdagsfsdc) 

and one of the worst things is that... if i hate my (naked) body so fucking much that i can’t even show it to my mother, nor sister..... and especially any doctor (and worse if they’re a man afshsfahsfg) (and yes, a gynecologist has never checked on me agswfgdfgf) how the fUCK AM I GOING TO BE NAKED IN FRONT OF SOMEONE???? i mean... in the dress up rooms i had to change my clothes in one of the bathroom’s cabins while the rest of the girls dressed up in front of each other... and i remember the first time i had to take a shower in a broading school and i.... started crying in silence bc the glasses that separated every shower weren’t opaque :)))) ffuck... i just hate being this weak... i wanna cry m8

i’m losing the chance of meeting wonderful people and having great experiences bc of my mental illnesses... bc they make me feel like shit with such simple stuff like buying food in a supermarket or take a walk outside??? g0D i’m sooooo fucking tired man.... i just wanna be able to talk to people like a normal person, i don’t even want to be the life of the party ://

i’m so desperate to find someone who i can have a deep connection with... bc i have never had someone who understood me fully... who had the same interests... who we could share the same points of view... who i could be intimate... i have nEVER been myself with friends, sometimes i was myself with my family but they called (and keep calling me) stupid for expressing how i’m feeling or my thoughts... i just want someone who i can rely on... 

i was used to be alone most of my life... but this emptiness... this loneliness... this... hatred towards.... myself??? it is MCfucking exhausting, i can no longer stand it, i’m tired. but... what if i’m a manipulative, toxic lil bitch with my partner??? what if i’m an asshole??? what if i.........  fuck things up??? what if.... idk man, i just think that i will be hateful bitch... bc my family always told me that i was a “psycho” and a “snake” some years ago... well... my mother was the one who used to tell me these things mostly.... bc at first i hid my hatred towards her, but at the end i didn’t even care if she got offended tbqh and also: she’s a fucking abusive bitch agadfahd, bUT... i was angry, so sO fucking angry at them, so misunderstood and so alone... so... hated....i felt so guilty bc my mother is a single mother... and sometimes i thought she would had prefered if she had aborted me (even she told me that some months ago when we were arguing ahgdfhadghadg). besides, my life was a living hell in elementary and  high school... and then come back home and see that they treated me the same way wasn’t something quite wonderful y’know??, and i told them numerous times about how the bulies made fun of me and criticized my physical appearance (they constatntly called me “ugly” and even nicknamed me in elementary/high school lol) and they just usually said: “fight back” and i always thought: “gREAT BITCH, how can i fight if i stutter just looking at the bullies?????” and they were a group of six i think??? idk, and ofc, they were boys another point to prove why men suck :)))

now, how the fUCK can i have someone special in my life if i get nervous by just hearing people of my age come closer???  fffUCKKKKKKKKKKK bc in the php center i shared these thoughts and the other patients and therapist were like “but you have to meet new people to find the ‘special’ one :)” bITCH thank you i cOULDN’T EVEN KNOW THANKS FOR YOUR FUCKING ADVICE ughhhhhh, obviously i knew that shit, i just wanted to get it out of my chest and they just told me obvious stuff?? ok thanks... perks of being the only one who had severe social anxiety / avpd in the php center i guess??? ughhhh, obviously i smiled and said “thank you” bc i’m not an asshole :))), perhaps a fake bitch for not saying my real thoughts?? maybe

and besides... i haven’t talked about this with my psychologist, and i think is one of the most important things that is happening in my current life, bc srsly: i’m horny aLLL THE FUCKING TIME, but i don’t even wanna fuck anyone real, in my fantasies my partner doesn’t even have a face, it is just... the enjoyment of sharing something with someone you love and both having a good time, to be intimate with someone... but irl if a guy touches me like a handshake or touches my shoulder i become so fucking tense... with women same but not as much... i remember one of the php center therapies was massages and g0DDD i hated so fUCKING MUCHHH bc idk how the fUCK therapists didn’t notice how tense i was m8, i wanted to run away when we had that therapy and... ughhhhh i thought i was gonna die when my companion was a guy shghsfghf i just wanted to kick him the balls and run the fuck away and cry like a baby

and what i also hate about my situation is that i know lOTS of theory about: psychological and other forms of abuse when you are in a relationship (so basically, you can know when a guy is being an asshole, tho it’s not that easy bc you are in a such a bad mental state that you don’t even notice), advice when going to parties (which... tbh... i’ve never been in one, and in spain... people party a LOT agsfgfs), human physiology (y’kno... for the... ahem... sexual stuff  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), tho it’s useless bc the first time is nothing like you expect gdnabdnhgjad i guess??), postures, etc... and NO, I DIDN’T GET THIS INFORMATION BC OF PORN (basically, bc the porn industry is an industry full of abuses, sexism, unrealism and darker stuff y’kno, so... ahem... i hope the men in that industry leave women alone and those same women choke those men to death :))) ) i got it mostly by articles by sexologists and .... y’kno... people on the interenet which... i know is not a good idea ahaghhghgghgsa 

but anyway... i know i don’t have to rush... but.................. i wanna meet someone who i can be myself with??? who i can hold hands with?? who i can share the same interests?? who i can be... ahem... intimate??? that’s my wet dream m8, the sexual stuff is mostly my fantasy... but i think is bc our current society is oversexualized and quite obsessed with sex?? (thanks to the porn industry that basically only focus in the man’s pleasure and how to treat women like shit :))) ) but..... g0D, pls, why did you make me like this?? i’m such a fucking weird nerd m8, i don’t even know i’ll meet someone who i like??? all my crushes have been fictional characters?? and only one (1) guy at high school when i was 14 asfgshsfjhsjdhsgdhdg, and obviously nobody has ever had a crush on me ://, so i guess i’ll die alone ahghdsg

anyway thanks for reading the weird adventures in rami’s head, it was a pleasure lmao

[fidelishaereticus]

age and identity

So as you may be aware, I have been experiencing Some Angst lately to the tune of “my age feels viscerally wrong and repulsive to me and i can’t live with it.” In trying to parse why i feel this way, i’ve come to the following (tentative) conclusion: Age (or our conception thereof) informs a major component of our social and personal identity, and age, like gender, is largely a social construct. That’s why I’m experiencing this particular (very familiar) cocktail of angst.  And before you assume that I’m going to slide from here straight into nope-ville like that girl who claimed to be transracial, LET ME ASSURE YOU: THAT’S NOT WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS. I know the equivalency only reaches so far, but as someone who has experienced and worked through gender dysphoria, it’s been a helpful analogy for me, so I’m gonna go ahead and articulate it.

It’s like this. Our conceptions of gender spring from a cultural elaboration upon a biological reality (namely, sex and mild sexual dimorphism) that we’ve oversimplified and dichotomised. Where we go wrong is when we mistake the parts that we made up (or the parts we can choose and change) for genetically determined and unalterable facts, when we assign the whole package of gender and tell people it’s all biology and they can never change it and consequently can never have valid access to any identity outside that box. I think (i hope) people are starting to appreciate what a load of bull-crap that whole practice is. But we pull some very similar bullshit maneuvers with age. We’ve based our conceptualisation of it off a biological reality (namely, human development and ageing), but we’ve oversimplified and elaborated upon that reality to the point where we often mistake things we made up about it for deterministic truths. People really do “identify” with ages and assume social roles based on them. And sure, a lot of that is good and healthy and helps society to function. But much of what we think of as age-determined traits are not actually age-determined at all, and that can be hurtful. It’s horrifying to be told that some aspect of your personality that’s purely you—something you feel you wouldn’t be yourself without—has an expiration date well before your death. It’s horrifying to know that you’re allowed full access to your identity now, but in a few short years that privilege will be taken from you, and you’ll be expected keep living without it. To keep living as not-yourself. It’s horrifying. 

Unfortunately, age isn’t exactly like gender, and the same solutions won’t apply (i’m not going to argue that people should be allowed to be “trans-age”---that’s inappropriate and insulting). I think the best we can do with age is to work hard to divorce the socially constructed aspects of age from the age-range they’ve been assigned to. This with the following very important caveats: 

 1. I absolutely concede that the chronological timing of one’s birth is a fact of the physical universe.* How we conceptualize that chronology and how we “count” from there is technically a social construct, but it’s a very useful one and i’m not suggesting we overturn it. It’s good to have ways to describe reality and keep track of when things happened, and we should do so with as much scientific rigour as possible.

 2. Different developmental phases coincide with being closer to or further from the time of one’s birth, and those are not social constructs either (though there is often much more variation in how the patterns unfold than people imply). These differences must be taken into consideration where necessary. 3. Arguably the most important developmental difference is that which distinguishes an fully developed human from one who is not. How we as a culture define “child” versus “adult” is obviously a social construct (and has indeed changed a lot throughout history), but there’s a very important reality behind that one. Throwing that distinction out the window would be a pretty Terrible Idea on many fronts, and I’ll never suggest that we do it. There are however definitely large swaths of it that could use revision (see: the idea adults can’t or shouldn’t enjoy certain fun activities anymore, or the idea that children don’t deserve certain forms of respect. 

On the whole, however, I think we ascribe way more to age (even to very specific age-numbers) than can be justified by biology, and i would very much like to throw all of that useless garbage out the window for the reason of: it makes me sad. I know I’m not the first person to propose this, but i feel like it needs saying bc imho we’re still doing a very shitty job of throwing it out the window or even talking about it in productive ways. I don’t exactly how to begin throwing it out the window more effectively, but i would really like to. It would eliminate well over half of my daily angst and identity discomfort if I could be free of it. 

For an example (and the rest of this is just rambling): I don’t want to be complimented on being “young at heart”: i want to do away with the notion that my age has anything to do with how energetic or creative or silly or fun-loving or whatever I am. Because it really doesn’t. I know people mean well, but what i hear is: you were expecting me to be Boring bc i’m old. And to me that feels just as shitty as being told i was “really strong for a girl” (1. I don’t identify as a girl and 2. hi there sexism thanks for implying that girls are weak). And I don’t “identify” as an age. It’s just,,,a fact that i have no control over, like the fact that I’m 5′1. Yean, I was born in a certain year, and have presumably been kicking around since and have had time to reach full maturity, and statistically it’ll be pretty weird if i’m still around in 75 years or so. But other than that?? I don’t wanna hear about it. I don’t want to hear “bright young 20-something,” i don’t want to hear “old hag” i don’t want to hear it. I don’t want people to look at me and try to guess my age and then make bullshit assumptions based on that. oh but ~medical complications~ you might say! we have to look out for the fragile elderly yeah, whatever, medical complications are between me and my doctor. also? tons of people have medical complications in their 20s. ON AVERAGE older people are more fragile but it’s not set in stone. Some people in their 70s are more constitutionally robust than some people in their teens. AND THAT’S FINE. if you need medical attention you need medical attention, at any age, and it doesn’t make you any less valuable. and if you don’t? you don’t. oh but ~experience~ you might also say and ok, to an extent that’s fair, but ALSO NOT SUPER CLEAR CUT like,,,,idk man. some people in their early 20s are Experienced af its like they’ve already lived 1000 years and Done Everything its wild. and some older people? it’s like,,,,have you ever left your house? I was really a Child well into my 20s, in a lot of ways—not in that I was a whiny brat who couldn’t take care of myself, but in that certain parts of my brain and body were just very slow to reach full maturity. experience and maturation happen very differently in different people. ugh, anyway, i could do this with almost everything we “assume” about people based on age, there are always exceptions to trends, and then on top of that there are LOADS of assumptions that are pure cultural bullshit (for an obvious one: Adults don’t play make-believe, they have Put Away Childish Things). I’m done with this shit. I don’t wanna hear it.

*unless you want to get into whacky theoretical physics re what even is the physical universe in which case i have no idea so don’t ask

[djdsagalagweg123123123]

This is my Overwatch self-insert/oc, zhen!

Full name: Nian-Zhen Qin (秦念真, Qín Niàn Zhèn)

→ her first name means ‘a belief in truthfulness’ and her last name is the same last name as the emperor who ordered the great wall of china to be built. it’s meant to be kinda ironic and foreshadow her future

Nicknames: Zhen, Jen/Zen (English name)

Codename: Milkman (in her own organization), Zhen (Overwatch) → ngl she was tempted to change it bc no one took it seriously at first → Zhen is pronounced using the ‘xi’ sound (like in xion)

Age: 32 (biologically a year younger than genji and a year older than mei)

Zodiac sign: Aries

Gender: Female

Sexual orientation: Pansexual

Ethnicity: Chinese

Languages: several, most notably English and Mandarin Chinese

Species: Human

Place of birth: Beijing, China

●Physical●

Body type: fucking buff. kinda short? ~163cm

Birthmarks/freckles/moles/scars: Freckles along the bridge of her nose from sun exposure. No notable scars.

Tattoos/piercings: She gets her first tattoo in honor of the passing of a friend, the coordinates of their place of death which also eventually becomes the location of a safehouse that contains a Doomsday plan of sorts.

Voice: She has a non-distinct voice with no accent that conveys her emotions rather well. I think I would want Trina Nishimura to voice her, who also does the voices for Kyoka (Boku No Hero) and Mikasa (Attack on Titan).

●Abilities●

Milk: Zhen always has a few bottles of ‘milk.’ While not actually milk, this healing formula is often referred to as such due to its milky white color. It’s a healing potion filled with nutrients and vitamins. Effects vary with potency. Comes in several different flavors: original, almond, soy, strawberry, banana, and chocolate. Contains no lactose.

110% - a condensed formula that is more potent than the original. can heal large amounts, fortify health, and replace normal rations. caffeinated and addictive. reserved for emergencies or extremely long missions. to avoid side effect like mood swings, irritability, anxiety, restlessness, drink at most one pint in a day with water.

100% - the original formula. contains all the nutrients needed for a full day of activity. meant to replace soldier rations. can heal large amounts, promote strength building. usually contains caffeine.

75% - give as rations to rebels and civilians immediately post-disaster. diluted to prevent side-effects in case of overdose. can replace meals completely up to a week or supplement meals for a month. non-addictive.

25% - given to children and immunocompromised. fortified with extra vitamins, antibiotics and minerals. can strengthen immune system. meant to replace mother’s milk for infants, any age can drink. non-addictive.

Milkshake and Malt: When heading into enemy territory, whether it’s rescuing civilians or teammates trapped behind lines, Zhen always goes in equipped with a blaster and a collapsible shield she nicknamed Milkshake and Malt, respectively. She tries to avoid using these. → Yes, everything she does has some weird dairy-related element. No, she doesn’t like milk that much. She will only drink milk with her cereal. She likes ice cream though, but she likes gelato more.

Strength, Speed, and Agility: Zhen is incredibly strong and agile. She’s got super buff arms and legs because she needs to be able to get places fast on foot, while carrying her milk to distribute or others to safety.

First Aid: Zhen is trained in first aid, carries a kit with her, and can patch others up if no field doctor is available. For certain missions, she adjusts her kit based on the mission. On distribution runs, she’ll carry antiseptic ointments and bandages, while on rescue missions into active warzones, she’ll carry a biotic field generator.

Driving: Zhen is a superb driver. She was an official hero, her ult would be running you over with a transportation truck. She skilled in evacuations and figuring out how to squeeze double the people in a normal sized car. (the trick is to get an open air trunk and put someone back there). Zhen can also pilot planes, boats, and semi-trucks.

 ●Bio●

tl;dr ver: Zhen is from a rich family but rebelled and started her own organization. She joins Overwatch in the place of a close friend who passed away before recall. 

Birth and Raising (Birth - 10 years old)

Nian-Zhen Qin was born in Beijing, China as the heiress to QinCorp, the world’s largest shipping and distribution company that also has strongholds in several other industries, like factory production, medicine, and weapons. From a young age, she was groomed to become a powerhouse. She had access to the best education money could provide- private tutors, textbooks, hands-on immersive experiences unavailable to most people. At ten years old, she was considered a genius. But her emotional growth was horribly stunted. Because of this pampering, she was horribly sheltered and superficial.

Zhen travelled the world in style and became a young social media figure, with millions of followers swooning over her lavish life. Movie premiers, fashion shows, award ceremonies - she’s been attending those since she was just a young child. She starred in movies as the precocious child or cute little sister. She had her own children’s fashion line and modeled it when it first came out. All of her baby pictures are online somewhere.

The Shimadas (12-18 years old)

Zhen’s mother asked her to meet her in Hanamura - there was some people she wanted her to meet. Zhen assumed it would be another one of her important business partners. By now, she had met all sorts of important people, so she assumed this would be the same thing. She will shake his hand, act well-spoken, go to dinner, and be on her best behavior. And afterwards, someone will comment on how well-behaved she was. It was the same routine every time. Young Zhen was surprised when she was introduced to Hanzo and Genji Shimada.

This was the first time Zhen spent time with anyone near her own age. Hanzo and Genji were the first true friends she had. Zhen continued to visit Genji and Hanzo, solidifying their relationship.

Meeting Genji and Hanzo was the start of a rebellious portion of her life. She decided to spent the rest of her adolescence living in Japan to spend more time with the two, but was allowed only under the condition that she give up her other creative endeavors and focused on her studies. Zhen disappeared from the public’s eye when she was 13.

Genji, Hanzo, and Zhen had an odd relationship that became strained as they grew up. As Hanzo took on more responsibilities, he spent less time with them. As Zhen’s studies intensified, however, she would always make time for Genji. And Genji the Playboy, busy at clubs and girls, would always make Zhen his number one priority.

Genji and Zhen both ran away at first when the responsibilities that come with their lavish lifestyles appeared on the horizon. Topics like marriage, succession, and training came up. Genji would continue to avoid them, throwing himself in his playboy lifestyle, but Zhen accepted it. She was very well aware that their time together would end soon, since she would eventually begin seriously studying to become the next head of her family business. When Zhen became attending meetings as her mother’s successor to QinCorp, she lost contact with Genji.

Re-meeting Genji (Age 23)

The next few years of her life were fast yet unmemorable. Unable to contact the person who had become her closest friend, Zhen found herself in a sort of depression, unable to find happiness in the things she previously enjoyed. And so she threw herself into her work. Zhen was making business deals, growing company stock, pleasing investors, and all of the sort. She focused on proving herself time and time again that she would be a suitable successor.

All that mattered to her was upkeeping her family legacy. Zhen knew her place in the world, her place in QinCorp. A gala was thrown to celebrate her 23rd birthday and to officially welcome into the company’s board of directors. At the end of the night, she received a message that someone wanted to see her on the balcony - it was urgent.

--> “Seeing that shock of green hair shook her to her core. It was a quiet encounter; their eyes meeting for the first time in five years. Genji looked as youthful as ever. Zhen felt she aged twice as quickly compared to him. Same hair, same mischievous look in his eyes, same goddamn smirk that showed up whenever he picked up that dumb girl at the club. Ugh, what did he see in her? Why does he go after every big set of boobs? And never mine? They spent the rest of the night together. I missed you. I missed you too. I miss being with you. So did I. Such words went unspoken that night. They didn’t need to be said out loud. Genji wanted to spend the morning after with her. Zhen couldn’t - she had meetings all throughout the day. Family responsibility comes first after all. By the time, she returned, he was gone. Zhen would have agreed to spend every morning with him if he just asked. “

Regular correspondence between the two began, but a month later, Genji passed away. Zhen dropped everything to fly out to attend his funeral. Finding out Hanzo was the one who killed him surprised her, to say the least. Hanzo was missing and Zhen, distraught, didn’t bother to seek him out.

Realizing how corrupt the system is and leaving (Age 23-24)

She was angry, she was sad, she didn’t know what to do. She dealt with her feelings the only way she knew how - by ignoring them and going to work.

Zhen entered as the Vice-President of the Board of Directors. She, by choice, remained in the shadow’s of the company, working from behind the scenes and justified it to the directors by saying she had outgrown her love for the camera. It was because she didn’t care for it anymore.

A year into her term, there was a workers’ strike at one of QinCorp’s newest factories. Apparently, the factory head couldn’t negotiate terms with the head of the striker and Zhen decided to take action herself. She flew to the factory only to find that the factory head didn’t actually attempt a discussion. They fired the protesting workers and hired a new set from the town over.

This discrepancy wasn’t the only thing that shocked Zhen. One of the reasons the workers were protesting was because of the factory’s effects on the environment. The factory had only been operating for about six months, but the river was completely murky and the sky was hidden in smog.

When Zhen brought these issues to the board, she immediately put forth a new policy that would shut down all their factories and move all funds to research and development of cleaner methods of manufacture until newer technology could be implemented. The board threatened to boot her from the company because of her extreme views.

Word of what Zhen was trying to do spread. Every QinCorp worker went on strike to support her. Before, they were forced to suffer quietly because they needed that job to feed themselves and their families. But, now they knew that someone high up was on their side. It was a worldwide revolution, and Zhen was the symbol.

Everyday, the directors grew more and more anxious. Everyday, more money was lost, more people were joining the revolution, and more pressure was put on them to follow Zhen’s command. Every day the factories are shut down, the stock markets takes a blow and several countries fall into recession. Markets and governments were being destabilized. International trade was halted.

Blackwatch was called in to remove the de facto icon, and Genji was sent to eliminate her.

But he couldn’t bring himself do it. He infiltrated her home and warned of the plot against her. He told her he agreed with what she was doing to protect the people and that he would help her escape if she swore to never return to her home or to her company. Zhen agreed. She knew her disappearance from the world would not be the end of the revolution she had ignited. She asked who he was and if they would ever meet again. Genji told her that who he was was unimportant, and that they might meet again when the time is right.

So with nothing but the clothes on her back and a handful of bills, she left her father’s house, his company, and his legacy, never to return. The next day’s headlines spoke of a fire in the Qin mansion. Nian-Zhen Qin, former actress, model, and revolutionary company director, passed away that night. A body was never recovered and a funeral was held later that week.

Having left the public eye when she was 14 made it easy for Zhen to blend in. She left Beijing and travelled to Guangzhou where several underground groups against QinCorp were taking hold. Zhen had caught wind of one of QinCorp’s lab entering testphase with a miracle drug and seeked out help to break in and steal the formula. She knew that QinCorp was going to sell the drug to whatever organization or government could pay the most money for it. Rumor has it was that the starting bid was going to be 400 billion Chinese yuan (60 billion USD). Zhen wanted to steal the formula, produce it with her own means, and distribute it for free worldwide.

Building MODhome (26-31)

Zhen spent two years integrating herself into her new community. She went by Zhen Lee to avoid recognition. From the shadows of the underground, she watch news of the riots and strikes disappear from international news, but knew that in reality, they were still very much alive. Normally, Overwatch would step it to mediate such discussion, but with the ratification of the Petras Act, that was no longer possible. Although factories opened up again, dialogue on how to increase workers’ rights and protections began. At least that was what the QinCorp reported to the public. Zhen knew better than to believe whatever lies that company spewed.

With the miracle finishing testing phase, Zhen and a team consisting of herself, a former Overwatch agent that lent themself to the cause, and a number of rebels, broke in. It was a quiet in and out operation. No alarms were set off, no evidence of their activity was left behind.

Within the year, they secured a production and distribution operation that sent bottles upon bottles of a modified version of the stole drug to rebel forces all over the world. The drug had several names that varied with region - Renegade’s water, Rebel’s Calpico, Yakult but not really...some were catchier than others. Zhen referred to it as Milk.

Over the next five years, Zhen expanded their activities by providing support to not only rebels against QinCorp, but also to areas affected by war, natural disaster, and climate change. It was during this time in her life when she gained most of her current practical skill set: driving, self-defense, and first aid. It was also a period of exponential personal growth. She has formed real connections with people and felt like what she was doing was important. She enjoyed going on field missions, making personal deliveries and find meaning in the connections she made.

This organization was eventually named MODop, short for mitigation of disaster operations. Many refer to it as simply MOD.

Recall (31)

Zhen became extremely close to the group of people that helped her steal the formula - particularly the former Overwatch agent - and would frequently go on missions together. One day, the pair was sent on a rescue mission. The objective was to lead a group of agents to retrieve citizens from a small town’s bomb shelter. It was supposed to take place during a four hour window that was predicted to have no bomb activity - no planes were supposed to fly in, nothing was planted on the ground, it would ideally take less time than the window allowed.

Her ally was outside when the bombs that weren’t supposed to be dropped were dropped. Zhen was in the shelter, organizing people to get them in transportation trucks when she saw a bright flash and felt the earth shaking. She knew immediately what had happened and realized that they couldn’t be more vulnerable. The planes aimed for the trucks of civilians outside. She did her best to hurriedly usher everyone not on a truck back inside, but she couldn’t do anything to help her partner and the rest of her team.

The mission failed. Zhen was the only agent that survived. The organization mourned the loss of civilian lives, several agents, and a founding member. She mourned the loss of her team and her closest friend and ally. She’s failed missions before, but there was always a bright side and something to learn. But what could she learn from this failure? What could have she done differently to prevent the death of her friend? She took a temporary leave from missions.

Zhen inherited her fallen comrades’ items. She still wonders why it was her name in the will and not anyone else’s, Why her and not family or older friends? It wasn’t much, just a box of their old clothes, some books, and a communicator from their Overwatch days. She kept them in a corner of her room, refusing to go through them and accept her partner’s death.

When word of the Recall reached via her fallen comrade’s communicator, she decided she would seek out and join Overwatch in their place. It was the least she could do after all they did for her.

●Notable Relationships●

Genji: Childhood friend, past lover

Hanzo: Childhood friend, but drifted apart

Mercy: Met in a refugee camp, worked together to transport victims of war. Close friends and allies

Unnamed former overwatch agent: Ally, co-founded MOD

Mei: Zhen met Mei when she was lecturing at a university Zhen was visiting. It was girl crush at first sight for Zhen. Mei at the time was seven years older than her, so Zhen didn’t do much to pursue it. They talked a lot about papers, science, and tv shows! They were good friends despite the age gap! The last time Zhen saw Mei was at the airport, saying goodbye to Mei as she left for Watchpoint: Antarctica. 

●Notes●

Pokemon AU: Miltank, Bisharp, Chansey

Myth AU: Witch/Seelie

Zhen’s father was a scientist who married Zhen’s mother because he actually loved her. He emphasized how important a good education is Zhen during the years of her life when he was present. He divorced Zhen’s mother when Zhen was 8 and didn’t try to get custody of Zhen because he knew she would be happier with her mother who could reliably provide.

Zhen has two bachelors degrees (environmental science, business).

[system-architect]

50 Q for Vax... please, I need it

OH BOY vax... i’ve been rping him a lot lately but he still remains a bit of an enigma!! lets see..

Personal

1)      Age? 23! he acts older than his age i think

2)      Gender? like all my other ocs bc i’m very self indulgent, he is a trans guy!

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? vax can think boys are cute, but he’s never been a very romantically active person. he doesn’t lack a capacity for affection, he’s just always... busy with other stuff? it’s not something he thinks about often. if he’s buzzy around someone it’s probably bc he adores their cybernetics/etc work

4)      Height? probably smth like 3′9″

5)      Race? asura (+ cyborg??)

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). i’m gonna link The Vax Draw, i’m undecided about whether his hair is naturally full black or if the white stripes are weird pigment loss... PS he has a ton of moles all over, not just on his face :D

7)      Any disabilities? hokay this is a Vax Secret but he has some sort of muscular and/or skeletal disorder i need to research into/get specifics on but the general idea is that he can get very weak and achey and have trouble moving sometimes! he deals with this via another Vax Secret i might talk about sometime

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? in asuran ?? idk i dont think their names have meanings, but irl its a shortened asurafied version of ‘vaccine’ bc i thought it sounded cool

9)      What makes them, them? Odd Question but he’s very shaped by his childhood experiences studying his father’s work and looking up to his dad and he’s very defined by his innate drive to bulldoze towards goals he has and wants to research... he’s a very stubborn and determined person who’s very much an agent For Himself

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? he is Growed Up but he really wants to keep chasing revolutions in prosthetics/augments/cybernetics.. he wants to help people in ways they couldn’t otherwise be helped (atypical inquest huh)

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? yes one parent, a single dad! ppl who’ve been watchin my hell rp server stuff will know his name is akka and he’s one of the top prosthetics smiths in the industry and was very private about his work but had a very cutting edge philosophy towards artificial parts and lead some really revolutionary work... dr. akka is a very kind and patient man with a good soul who is a tad weary from the world but he loved his son very much! he and vax had a great bond and vax was always eager to learn about his dad’s life work and his dad was always eager to teach him.. akka is an overall pretty amazing man, it’s a shame he joined the inquest for some reason and now we don’t know his current whereabouts......

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? If not, do they wish they had siblings? he technically has a sibling! maybe more? but he’s never met them... vax is perfectly pleased with being an only child, we’ll have to see how he reacts if he ever meets this one. it’s actually a character y’all are already familiar with.......

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often? nope and nope

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) vax essentially lives out of his workshop within the sigma-5 prime division laboratory space which is Not a safe place no....... but he loves it... he technically has an apartment somewhere in soren draa that is as much of a junk pile as his workshop whoops (vax is very much a ‘i know where everything is in this chaos. don’t move it’ person...)

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i semi-answered this above but he has enough funding via the inquest to do his research projects as well as have a place for himself! i wouldn’t call him upper class probably just kinda middle ish, he keeps himself afloat alright

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? despite vax’s attachment to akka’s work and vice versa, akka is a very chill guy who never expected vax to live up to it or anything like that.. he just thought it was great vax had the interest in it

17)   Do they have pets? alas, no.... if he did i could see him owning smth more atypical like a ferret and fuck i kinda like that idea now i’ll have to meditate on it

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family? take one guess

19)   This there anything special about their family? his dad being a renowned prosthetics doctors is pretty special yeah

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? absolutely not

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? alas vax is... very very much a lone wolf! this section is gonna be hard to answer and i’m probably gonna have to cross out some stuff because vax purposefully doesn’t really get close to anyone and he’s exceedingly unperturbed about this.. i meant it when i said he’s very self-driven! he’s not ultra egotistic and he doesn’t hate other people, nor is he unempathetic (i’d say he has a good degree of empathy actually), he’s just kind of... uninterested? he won’t hate you or be nasty to you for no reason, he’s just not interested in befriending/being around you as an aspect of his life

22)   Who was their first friend? probably some of the other progeny tried to befriend him in precollege he he was Smart which is Cool but they quickly learned that vax’s idea of friendship is he will give you a quick synopsis of what he’s currently on and then go silent as he continues to work on it

23)   What is their friend group like? there are a lot of inquest underlings who try to suck up to him because he’s their boss and also a shining star virtuoso with his work................. vax remains oblivious and unpeturbed

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? yes. specifically plex. who is his best tech ops drone but plex is a... sort of pushy person wrt trying to Befriend vax and he has a very obvious crush on vax and vax is mostly oblivious to it but sometimes feels weird about plex’s sudden ‘random’ bursts of being super buddy-buddy with him. in plex’s defense a bit, plex doesn’t know how to interact with people either

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? he’s probably unintentionally driven off people by coming across as super cold... i think he feels bad if he accidentally upsets people with his demeanor but he’s not quite sure what to do about it bc he doesn’t really want to upset people but he also doesn’t want to force himself to be MegaFriendly anyway esp considering his trials with social interaction are kind of a hardwired brain thing (he’s got like... vague assorted ADHD-autistic spectrum traits)

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends?

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? vax internalizes all his problems and works through them privately khgjdf he’s a weird mixture of stable and mature but sometimes unhealthy

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? [img of vax doing vague shrugging motions here] as aloof as he is he probably at the very least appreciates that other people have interest in his work! so would be a bit sad if he didn’t have that

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he has graduated college! he was top of the class his year at dynamics

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? i’m sure he’s had a Variety of teachers but most of his teachers probably liked him a good bit since he’s smart and yknow, Asura Be Like That... i’m sure he’s conversely had a few who butted heads with him over his philosophy on cybernetics because he has a much more open ended approach that’s a bit focused on the idea that prosthetics are body parts and people with prosthetics are Whole People not People With Additional Bits Slapped On/In and he’s very ginger with prosthetics/augments he handles and treats them like they’re the same as fleshy body parts and deserve the same delicate care despite being metal, and overall he has more of a focus on the actual people he’s working with i think, and i can see some more hardass/uptight teachers in particular not liking this because it’s kinda unasuran to more traditionalist types to have such a.. humane view on work rather than being enthused solely with your numbers and research results

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? vax is very headstrong and if you have useful advice then its useful advice but if you dont then fuck off and let him do his work how he’s determined to do it... he doesn’t goof off but he has no respect for authority if authority gives bad commentary

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? top marks except for in classes where he was abrasive with the teachers who’s work ethics clashed with his but what can you do

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? nope... he probably ended up tutoring a few people actually (which probably was due to a nudge from a teacher and not.. vax’s sole volition of wanting to tutor people)

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? i’m sure he Didn’t Get Along With some others bc he’s Weird

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? yes he’s absolutely metaphorically gone for someone’s throat because they had the audacity to challenge him on something that they were both wrong about and not as passionate about as him

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? i’m sure he has but i can’t rlly think of anything (boring answer srry)

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back?

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? i already kinda answered this but he’s not partic romantically involved... however i think if he found someone he was In Sync With and who understood his mannerisms then he’d be very content with them... i think he would need a stable easygoing relationship based on shared interests and just casually fitting together and supporting each other rather than anything passionately heated or overly focused on traditional displays of affection

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a big nerd who collects various prosthetics/augment models and he absolutely doesn’t keep it a secret...................... 75% of the RP i’m in with him rn has been him geeking out over augs. the other 25% was me describing the facility.

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? i think he’s more overall focused on the idea of a continuous stream of improvement over a few static goals? he’s constantly laying out new traintracks in front of himself to steam ahead on... he’d like to be happy and successful at what he does, ultimately, and really attain super advanced inventions

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? despite everything i’ve said here about him being a good empathetic guy, he is Inquest........ the inquest funds his research he does at their labs and they pay him for being the sigma-five supervisor

45)   Do they use social media? i can’t see him using social media much tbh... he might be into podcasts and asuran youtube a bit

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? due to his strength issues and some stuff that happened as a very small child he has been quite a bit yes

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? this is a weird question in the context of gw2 which has canon ghosts whoops.. im gonna interpret it as ‘are they superstitious’... vax isnt superstitious and i think he’d be very brave facing questionably supernatural forces but in a sort of logical way uh... he would Not be the first to die in a horror movie.... he’s a skeptic of non-scientific magic things with i think some lingering internal paranoia.. he’s a very logical person

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? broods in private probably....... depending on what he’s heated about he might go sit by himself for awhile or he’s gonna take his anger out while working on a project

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he tries to be a good person but he’s skeptical of that Status a lot and worries over it a good bit... again, typical inquest!

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) all of my ocs have parts of me in them to some degree, i think vax carries some things related to my disabilities, interpersonal and moralistic struggles, and the nerdy passion over my special interests

[trickstarbrave]

I see some of my old posts abt this getting likes still so I did feel the need for whatever reason to post an update or rather restatement to my views on the topic

I know this is a horribly tired topic that was discoursed to hell and then left behind and for good reason so as a warning: ace discourse below

First and foremost I’m not in the business of telling ppl wholesale they don’t belong in the community. The vast majority of ace ppl are also other various lgbt identies and trying to “remove” people from the community is not a thing I’d ever advocate for nor have I really ever as far as I can remember. If I have in bad faith I would like to extend an apology bc I have bad memories problems and think those actions are wrong and harmful. If the consensus is ace ppl are lgbt then I’m not here to say everyone else is wrong and I’m the authority on lgbt identities. We are a coalition group, a mashing of communities w sometimes shared histories and experiences. Even if I think ace and aro ppl don’t have as many of those in common I don’t get to decide if they are or not. They are now and I’m more focused on making that work

Still though since it’s inception the ace community has not been a very healthy one. As at best a newer addition to the lgbt community being brought to light and given a label and community, the community has been toxic. Much of the foundational moments for identity were from the AVEN forums and a lot of harmful misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, and ableist things were said on their and supported. This kind of behavior has continued well into the community even today.

This is not a moral judgment on asexuals or aromamtics. I’m aromantic. I was also subjected to these things. I always felt alienated from the community. Even when trying to engage behavior was half the time welcoming and understanding and half the time felt very hostile. I point this out because again: many asexuals and aromantics are other lgbt identies and this rhetoric is very harmful. It’s alienating. It makes you feel guiltier at times. Furthermore at times the community pressured ppl who did not have absolutely any desire for sex in any capacity to be okay with it, as though they were on the same level as people who liked and enjoyed sexual acts removed from sexual attraction to people. Sometimes it encouraged harassing people for saying having sex was a vital part of relationships for them and they felt incompatable with someone who was repulsed by sex and didn’t feel abstaining for a hypothetical ace partner would be healthy for either of them. Even more alarming was qpp’s, really originating from the aro community, spreading and simply being a tool for a while in many circles to coerce people into relationships who otherwise wouldn’t be okay with polyamory or were underaged. I’ve seen so much harm and been subjecting to it that I did have to (and still want to but avoid it for stress reasons) point this out. Even more alarming was during the discourse era seeing big name ace bloggers with large underaged followings bring on self admitted pedophiles to their blogs, and refusing to apologize when said pedophile admitted to sexually harassing minors. Lies were spread to demonize lesbians especially, and to a degree gay men as well, including that we steal funding we don’t need

As well (currently) the lgbt community hasn’t had the best resources to provide a good environment for ace and aro issues, and the ace community has not made it a priority in many spheres to curate those spaces either. As an aro sexual abuse victim there were many times I didn’t want to see public displays of affection or hear abt sexuality of any kind at times (despite not being ace) and I knew asking for those to cease in lgbt spaces would be harmful and come across as bigoted. Lgbt spaces are places to express your comfort in your identity and your relationships in the way cishet ppl can whenever they want to in society. Seeking out spaces without that just meant retreating and being alone. A curated space for aro and ace ppl would have removed tension I know many people have had and still do experience by providing refuge for sex and romance repulsed ace and aro ppl

I felt more boundaries would be beneficial, as while trans people are no doubt a part of the lgbt community (regardless of how many trabsphobes say we don’t belong), trans specific areas and communities still exist. Trans spaces where trans experiences are centered are a priority. The ace community regardless needs better spaces for ace people besides social media and Internet forums. It needs structure and accountability. It needs to unlearn harmful practices and bigotry that have run rampant for their own members’ sake, not for the sake of outside people to see validity in it.

And for a while, people who were otherwise cisgendered, heteroromantic and asexual would speak out in lgbt spaces about trans and gay issues because this is the “same community”. Cis gay men have no authority on lesbian, bi, or trans issues. Cis lesbians have no authority on gay men’s, bi, or trans issues. Cis heterosexual trans ppl shouldn’t talk abt lgbp issues w authority. Cishet ace and aro ppl shouldn’t talk those either. A lot of the hostility and early discourse was abt that, about those bloggers who very quickly left the discussions and website entirely in some cases, speaking about issues that shouldn’t concern them. About homophobia and how it should be treated or tolerated, using slurs they had no right using, and more. Even more alienating was ppl saying a character was ace rather than gay, and when pointed out they could be both it resulted in backlash as trying to take away ace representation, and then real human survivors of sexual abuse who were dead were framed as ace icons and ace representation while framing their discussions of their reactions to sexual abuse as “the ace experience”. Lies spread that ace conversion therapy was a thing and that doctors were going to hold you down and feed you medicine to make you want to have sex, terrifying many young bloggers on this website who genuinely believed and lived in fear of this happening until they were told it was misinformation and lies.

(Yes you can be sexually assaulted for being ace, yes victims of sexual abuse can as a result ID as ace or aro, that’s not what I’m arguing against in case somehow someone finds a way )

But from the other side I’ve seen and spoken out against people who just said bigoted things. Claiming there were too many gender and sexuality identities. I think the split attraction model is limited to ace and aro ppl to explain our identities more coherently and misapplying it to others only servers in the end to stigmatize various sexualities, but this went beyond that. For many people “grey” and “demi” modifiers are useful. I’m grey aro. My romantic feelings are complicated and inconsistent enough I think it’s not average. Sure to a degree “anyone” could be demi or aro and many ppl in the ace community have misattributed those modified identities to ppl who didn’t even fully explore how they felt, but they are not worthless. I can count to you how many times I’ve felt genuine romantic attraction, and I do not fully understand the intricacies of romantic attraction, nor the differences at time between platonic feelings in practice. I was mocked for my identity several times and saw people with identities like mine mocked. This was not a discussion of it these identities were harmful like claiming disassociating during sex was a normal sexual identity. At worst they are unnecessary.

I’ve been always more invested abt having a better community for ace and aro ppl bc that’s what I ultimately wanted. No, they didn’t have the messy intertwined history of other lgbt identities but also they didn’t have to be. Lgbt or not there wasn’t a space for ace and aro ppl I thought was really healthy. It was either they existed there in a group with other people with their issues being talked about or not at all. Ace pride colors were based on the at times toxic forum website AVEN. The aro community was often overlooked by ace ppl or at times actively thrown under the bus.

And lies and misinformation was still spread. Pieces of history incoherently being co-opted and misappropriated to seem legitimate. And to top it all off ace and aro specific oppression was incoherently discussed to. How different forms of oppression work together and often feed into each other or take new shapes was ignored. Studies were extremely limited in scope, loaded, and mostly inconclusive. Facets of misogyny and even homophobia were framed as ace exclusive and unique experiences, and people lied about real life discrimination for being ace (usually these were young people like the 15 y/o who claimed to have two gay dads who kicked her out for being ace, so I won’t dwell on those as much. Tumblr has been a weird website). Discussions of race especially were riddled w terrible behavior from white ace bloggers who resorted to lying, shaming, and guilt tripping. All this only serves to fan the flames and drive a wedge between communities even tho inclusionists claimed it was all evil exclusionists doing while refusing to call out the misinformation and bigotry they often spread. There was no purpose in harassing bloggers of color, no purpose in terrifying children so they lived in fear of medical professionals and most ppl, and no excuse.

Hopefully moving on from this it will truly die away, but I hope people learn from it. This wasn’t just as some ppl frame it cis gay and lesbian bloggers starting a harassment campaign to try and kick aces out on a large scale. This was a messy discussion that was years brewing until it exploded in even more vitriol, misinformation, and rage. It became an opportunity to critique an (albeit in comparison young) community for harmful behavior that was going unchecked and lead to even further bigotry, misinformation, and alienation. And the bigotry and misinformation didn’t serve a purpose and little understanding of what ace and aro people needed besides information and education to the public, which was already taking place before this, was had. And ultimately I expected more from the community at large.

To ace and aro followers and readers: I’ve seen some ugly parts of the community but I don’t necessarily demand you answer for that behavior, unless you’re personally guilt of it. I don’t say this because I have a mission to prove you’re bad. I think the community is toxic, but it will ultimately not get better unless ppl who are dedicated to it are willing to help find what resources ppl need, provide it, and refuse to encourage or call out shitty behavior. And ultimately that will come from a place of love and desire to create an environment future generations will feel welcomed in. I just don’t want other ace and aro kids being lied to about what they’ll experience, subjected to homophobia and transphobia of many colors, and at times groomed by adults. And I don’t want it based around just social media where anyone can lie abt credentials and act like an expert to further any of those horrible goals, even unintentionally

[kiefercat]

30 Day Trans-Challenge except not really bc my memory is too bad for that so you get it all now Little intro and context for new followers and also for me when I look back at this; I'm a 22 year old trans guy from Canada. I've been out since I was 16 and have been on T for 5 years in October. My top surgery is scheduled for 2019 with Dr McLean in Mississauga, Ontario. 1) When did you realize the term transgender referred to you? In grade 10 one of my best friends started transitioning to male. It was my first exposure to anything trans and everything just fell into place after that. I talked to my partner at the time about it a lot and how my identity suddenly started making sense. After around half a year i started going by male pronouns with my friends and I came out publicly a year later. 2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why? Contrary to popular belief I didn't choose Cooper because of my high school obsession with Alice Cooper. I ripped it off of a cartoon character that had no discernible gender to me. I was also debating going by Kiefer but after some research found out it connects to Cooper like Bob to Robert and just rolled with it. At some point before transition I asked mom what she would have named me if I was born a boy and she said fucking Wayney (dad's name is Wayne) and yeah no I did not want that name at all 3) Have you ever been outed? Quite often. Surprisingly from the people closest to me. My mom and stepdad out me all the time and my best friend/ex gf used to do it a lot too. She stopped thankfully but my mom keeps insisting on making me a discussion topic 4) How did your family take it when you came out/ if you are not out why aren't you? I came out in stages to my family. Mom was first. I fucked up though and forgot I had a stepbrother and basically walked up to her one day and said “you only have a son” and then ran out of the room? She thought I was running away????? Woops. She was kind of ignorant about some stuff for a while but changed a lot of her views pretty quick. She wasn't initially going to let me medically transition before I was 18 but turned around over time and I started t at 17. Stepdad was awkward but supportive. I didn't come out to my dad. My mom had to for me a year after I'd been out to everyone else. I was terrified of rejection bc yay abandonment issues but it went over well! Right after I came out my dad started dating my step mom and she really helped things bc she wasn't afraid to ask the questions that he was too weird about to do himself. She actually administered my tshots for me for a while. Fast forward to last year and suddenly family I hadn't seen for 9 years wanted to get back in contact with me and mom. I was expecting my grandparents and uncle to be really weird about it but they've always been chill. They used to call me a dyke and tell mom she was a failure bc I wore boy clothes when I was a kid so obviously I was worried. 5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community? Not nearly as much as I'd like to be. My local active trans community is 80% 40-60 year old trans ladies. Like I love them to bits and I appreciate them sharing their experiences as older queer people but I feel very out of place there. I've been invited to a gay dude cafe meet a few times but am too nervous to go. That being said, my entire friend circle is trans sans a few sprinkled cis people. So I guess we're all just an informal support group lmao 6) Who was the first person you told about being trans? My first partner. She was super queer (was identifying as a bi male at the time we dated) and very understanding and supported me through a lot of the mental gymnastics of realizing I was a dude. 7) Who do you look up to? My friends, honestly. Like I don't know what else to say here lmao 8) How do you deal with being misgendered in the beginning of transitioning by people? Told them politely to only use he/him with me. If they were malicious about it I would try to explain how ignorant that was and if they still didn't get the hint I'd ignore them. 9) What is something positive about being trans? I don't have to hide awkward boners. 10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans? I'm super afraid of top surgery ending in a result im unhappy with. Like I don't care about the pectoral scarring at all, but I'm worried about proportional problems or dog earring. Basically anything that would require a revision. I'm also super insecure about not having a bio dick. It limits me a lot sexually even with strap ons. No harnesses stay where they need to on me to get anything good happening and my dick always slowly drifts downward. Its frustrating. 11) How do you manage dysphoria? Hahahaahhaa ice cream And usually taking nudes. 12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically? I'm working out every day now. Nothing too intense, but it feels nice. I want to drop about 30-40 pounds before top surgery so am slowly amping up the workouts. Mentally I'm a disaster and am frantically looking for a psychiatrist but can't find any open that have experience with a trans patient. 13) Bathrooms I haven't used a women's bathroom since before I was in testosterone. I'm not anxious about them at all unless there's a lot of drunk dudes or the locks on the stalls don't work. 14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass? Confidence. Fake it till you make it. Being a walking masc alt stereotype got me through high school. 15) How have you embraced your trans identity? Tbh coming out and living life as trans is one of the few times I've been able to do one very important thing consistently: do something for myself no matter what people think. Its something that I've been trying to spread into other aspects of my life. If anything, my trans identity embraced me. 16) What's your rock anthem and why? I think this is the only answer that hasn't changed since last time I did this. I Am, I'm Me from Twisted Sister. 17) What's your binding choice and why? I use a GC2B binder. They're comfy, last long, don't roll, don't have prominent seams, and don't smell funky like my old underworks ones. If I swim publicly or want to slim out my hips for special occasions I wear a full length underworks swim binder. Fun fact: I didn't bind for a year and half bc I gained a fuckwad of weight and my tits passed as moobs. 18) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live? They're getting better. I live in Ontario, Canada so am pretty protected all around. I wish the technical side of transition (name, gender marker) was more streamlined. 19) If you're religious how do your views effect being trans? if you're not religious what about your family religions? I'm in no way religious. My mom had to jump through a bunch of hoops in her head to legitimize my transition through her religion/spirituality. Its a little disturbing to me for details I will not share publicly. 20) Do you want to be a parent? why or why not? I hate children. Keep them away from me. 21) Your views on the cis-gendered community? ??¿¿ they exist. I believe education about trans people and other queer identities should be taught in schools to help cis society not be as blissfully ignorant. I don't believe all cis people hate trans people, but they do have a lot of misconceptions about the community. 22) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice? Fuck no. Honestly I haven't felt nervous about transition affecting my work since my first job. I was just coming out when I worked the museum and was scared they might kick me from the position. Nowadays, I do not disclose my trans status to potential employers until they're hiring me. I thankfully live in a place and time where I'm protected as a trans person in the workplace by the law so haven't felt held back at all. 23) What stereotypes are put on trans people? Undercuts Tbh The stereotypes that stick out to me are the fucking weight ones. Where the fuck are my chunky trans men and ladies at? As a trans guy I am pressured a lot by the representation in the community to aspire to be a buff/cut beefcake or stick thin. Hell, a few of my already very small trans girl friends think they're not as valid bc their bust/waist/hip ratio doesn't make them look like a model. There's literally nothing wrong with being any weight but I find the pressure to be small is even higher within the trans and queer community to fit the stereotype/preconception that we have to be conventionally beautiful to be valid in our identity. 24) Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why? Uhhhhhhh Tbh I don't even know 25) Doctor visits? I hate them. They make everything about my trans status even if I'm there for something completely unrelated. There is FREE training on trans care for doctors in our part of the province but none seem to opt for it and instead decide its appropriate to ask me transition questions when I'm there for something as unrelated as an impacted nail. 26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you? If I'm not paying for their time, if I'm not busy doing something else, and if they are polite, yes. I don't mind answering questions at all! But there's a time and a place and some people just don't understand that. 27) What goals do you have? Lose weight and tone up a bit in time for top surgery. Be aggressively body positive. Continually try to normalize trans bodies. Find a local community to be a part of. 28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don't do it? Shower. If I go out or if people outside of friend circle are near me I have to have my packer and binder. If I'm alone I need music or something on at all times. 29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy Um. I don't have a good name for this uhhh C-Creative O-Open hearted O-Okay P-Phenomenon E-Eager R-Rad I had to Google positive words to do that lmao 30) Write a haiku about being trans I hate writing these Please just cut off my titties Throw them in the fire

[goingtosee-theworld]

CHARACTER SHEET: JANE CATHY PORTER

“I wanna see the whole world / I dunno how I’m gonna pay rent / I wanna see the whole world ... / I should tell them I’m not afraid to die” -- My Body’s Made of Crushed Little Stars, Mitski

STATS:

Birthday: 13 December 1992 (Sagittarius)

Myers-Briggs: INFP

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Gryffindor

Enneagram: Type 7

Height: 5’3

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW:

Mother: Dr. Eleanor Lily Day Porter (deceased)

Father: Dr. Archimedes Quentin Porter

Mother’s Occupation: Professor in anthropology—concentrated in biological anthropology, specifically primatology—also photographer

Father’s Occupation: Professor of zoology—specifically in large African mammals and conservation efforts

Family Finances: Upper middle class; her daddy’s family has quite a bit of money which they allocate to further the education of their family

Birth Order: only child

Other Close Family: Cousins—Ruby and Bobby, Aunt Rose, Uncle Richard, Grandmum (mum’s side), Gran (dad’s side), Grandfather (dad’s side)

Best Friend: does Jane have a best friend, tbh I guess Simba is the closest thing not that he considers her his best friend lol—although ok actually, she probably does consider Milo her best friend and partner.

Other Friends: wow does Jane not have friends lmao jk—Brad, some work colleagues, Ellie, Amelia, Mel…?

Enemies: none, really. She thinks Belle hates her bc they haven’t really talked since HP, where Belle probably did hate her.

Pets: Will-o-Wisp named Daisy, step-mum of Fluffy (Fluffy is not too fond of her)

Home Life During Childhood: Mostly happy, her parents encouraged learning and exploration. It was just tinged with the fact that her mum was sick and when her mum died, Jane fell into a bit of a depression that she never did quite recover from.

Town or City Name(s): London, England—specifically Bloomsbury

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: yellow walls, had a day bed with black iron wrought frame and a canopy decorate with fairy lights, one wall was all postcards/National Geographic cut outs/travel magazine pictures, another wall had a big map with little pins in it, lots of stuff from her mum and dad’s travels, a shaggy purple rug

Any Sports or Clubs: Theatre in secondary, art as well, also did like school band for a bit (played flute)

Favorite Toy or Game: she had a ton of stuffed animals, but like those realistic looking ones from WWF or whatever

Schooling: went to some good public schools for primary and secondary, University College of London for her undergrad, BS in zoology, now she’s getting her masters’ in Magizoology

Favorite Subject: Biology/science, but also fond of art/history/literature. She wasn’t the best in physics or math.

Popular or Loner: Loner, she always was like adopted by friend groups but was never really close with all of them one-on-one, just like one or two people

Important Experiences or Events: Mom died when she was 16

Health Problems: Huntington’s Chorea, depression (side effect of dying lmao)

Culture: English

Religion and beliefs: Mum’s family is Anglican, but dad’s family was never religious so she’s not religious really, just does Christmas and Easter

PERSONALITY:

Bad Habits: peels her skin on her thumb when she’s nervous, can be a bit of a nervous talker, on the naturally flirty side, avoids problems and tries not to acknowledge them, but also wallows in her feelings when she’s feeling particularly down

Good Habits: kind-hearted, very good artist, humble for the most part, when she loves you, she loves you fully and deeply, daring, passionate

Best Characteristic: brave—she will look a tiger in the eye and walk towards it

Worst Characteristic: impulsive—she makes rash decisions sometimes

Worst Memory: her mother’s death, but also the day she told Tom she loved him and then he said he was dating someone else, and also the day she rejected Milo

Best Memory: tbh that moment like RIGHT before they woke up the mummy in Egypt, when they were all really happy and passionate and just acted on a whim

Proud of: she has one painting from school that some member of Parliament brought, she got A’s on all but one of her A-levels

Embarrassed by: sometimes she can kinda remember some of the people she slept with and she’s like welp that was embarrassing

Driving Style: she does not have her license

Strong Points: brave, passionate, daring, intelligent

Temperament: melancholic

Attitude: may seem a little far-off or not really there, but get her talking about something and she’s very grounded and passionate

Weakness: threaten Milo or her dad or her close friends and she will crack

Fears: not living a full life

Phobias: uh idk man how is this different

Secrets: only a few people know about her Huntington’s, also lol she doesn’t know that Milo doesn’t know she remembered who they were in the time jump

Regrets: probably turning Milo down the first time

Feels Vulnerable When: confronting her inner problems directly

Pet Peeves: CULTURAL APPROPIATION, people who are mean to animals :C

Conflicts: the constant fear of death around the corner

Motivation: a desire to live fully

Short Term Goals and Hopes: get her master’s, get a good and fulfilling job!

Long Term Goals and Hopes: live a life she is proud to lead

Sexuality: like 89% straight

Exercise Routine: she walks everywhere and rides her bike a lot and rock climbs/cave excavates, she doesn’t like set out to exercise, her lifestyle is just pretty active when she’s not in a bad depression spell

Day or Night Person — Night.

Introvert or Extrovert — Introvert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist, believe it or not.

LIKES AND STYLES:

Music: twangy indie, usually favors female singers; big Carpenters fan too; also the Smiths; also Fleetwood Mac

Books: likes classics, generally, but also weird off-beat novels she finds in sales sections and used bookstores

Magazines: National Geographic, primarily; probably some art and lit magazines too

Foods: she likes a good curry; makes a great orange-glazed salmon; she’s one of those people who liked avocado before it was cool. She’s a pesceterian at home, but she will eat meat when she’s traveling.

Drinks: Earl Grey tea! Lightly sweetened, honey not sugar, and a pinch of milk. As for alcohol—rum. Spiced rum specifically. She likes mojitos, that’s her cocktail of choice.

Animals: oh gosh where to even begin! She’s fond of large Arican mammals (her dad’s speciality), but she really cares for all creatures and believes that it should be her duty to help them all. She knows she kinda gave domestic farm animals (cough, sheep) some shit for being “boring” because she didn’t really wanna be working with sheep for the rest of her life, but she’s had a new outlook on life and her passion for animals has been found again.

Sports: she probably watches football (soccer) casually; likes watching cricket though

Social Issues: big environmental activist, since dating Milo has been more aware of Magick-rights and that stuff

Favorite Saying: she knows its cliché at this point, but she liked it before it was cool: “Not all who wander are lost.”

Color: she likes purples and yellows and also reds

Clothing: she has a more boho look, wears a lot of flowing skirts and loose tops. Doesn’t really like to wear pants on the day to day, but will when she’s out adventuring. She likes wearing sunhats a lot.

Jewelry: she has a lot of traditionally made jewelry that she bought from local vendors in the places she’s traveled, lots of beaded necklaces and bracelets

Games: was a big Zoo Tycoon fan in her youth, doesn’t really play much now, except for like the occasional game with friends; likes board games though

Websites: casual insta user, has a tumblr that she scrolls through but rarely posts on

TV Shows: huge huge huge Doctor Who fan (Tennant was her doctor and also her first celebrity crush)

Movies: she likes classics—her favorite is Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Her mum was a huge fan of Audrey Hepburn so Jane has seen a lot of Hepburn movies. She’s also fond of The Mummy movies (though lately a bit less lol) and Indiana Jones and that sort of genre of adventure stories

Greatest Want: to travel as much as she can, to see all of the world, to experience it all

Greatest Need: to be happy

CURRENTLY:

Home: you know she and Milo haven’t officially moved in together yet but, like, they basically are over at each other’s places all the time—anyway, she has a single bedroom in one of the places by the uni

Household furnishings: she’s messy, but not in like a gross hoarder way, but she has a lot of casual clutter, her place looks like an antique store. There’s lots of trinkets around, the coffee table is covered in candles. She has a lot of pillows on the couch, lots of throw blankets. Her bedroom is pretty much the same way. There’s a lot of books, everything has its place but in its place it may be a bit of a mess lol. In her living room is a telescope by the window and an easel. There’s also a record player on a side table.

Favorite Possession: her record player (passed down from her mum) and her telescope (a  gift from her dad)

Most Cherished Possession: her journal—it’s like a sketchbook/diary/memento book, she writes down everything

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Tom Crawford

Children: n/a--though she was pregnant, briefly, last August

Relationship with Family: very close with her father, pretty close with her extended family too as they are a small bunch

Car: n/a

Career: on track to becoming a magizoologist

Dream Career: tbh being part of the Rescue Aid Society would be perfect for her

Dream Life: traveling around the world as part of her job—be it helping Magicks, helping magical creatures, rescuing lost relics, searching for Atlantis, with Milo at her side

Love Life: very in love with Dr. Milo James Thatch

Hobbies : drawing, riding her bike, spelunking, exploring, reading, going to antiques shops and flea markets

Guilty Pleasure: those Harlequin romance books (shh don’t tell anyone)

Sports or Clubs: n/a

Talents or Skills : good artist (not super professionally trained, but very solid)

Intelligence Level : very intelligent—curious and passionate when it is a subject she is interested in, quick learner

Finances: solidly middle class, her father helped her out with rent till she was back on a steady job, but she makes enough to provide for herself—she spent most of her savings after uni on her travels

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards