#also little rant that i'm actually so happy and proud that i can finally do him decently enough without taking ages

[nau-the-duke]

Hello I'm not gone, and I scratched the itch of BAFTAs Crowley

I started and finished this so quickly and impulsively that I didn't even notice the flowers were crystals, please forgive my sin

[callme-holly]

Hiii! I hope ur having a wonderful day/night <33

Do you think you could do the gang (separately) with a reader who's a drag racer? Like they built their own car and everything?

Pls make sure you're eating well and drinking plenty of water!

(This is also my first request ever if you couldn't tell 😭)

The Gang Dating A Drag Racer [the outsiders x drag racer! reader]

authors note - I actually loved writing this, I wont lie. I'm still working through requests but exams are done now so I should be little more on it with posting :) word count - 1.1k

Darrel Curtis - 

I can see you two meeting through Sodapop.

His brother goes to a lot of drag races with Steve and when the two boys see you, they instantly know they have to introduce you to Darry. 

Imagine them just bouncing up to you at the end of your race and giving you a phone number, telling you to call it as soon as you get home.

Obviously, you do, and Darry is the one to answer. He’s understandably a little confused at first but the two of you seem to fall into conversation easily and before you know it, he’s being called away by one of the gang because he’s “been on the damn phone for too long, and dinner is getting burnt”

He’ll tag along to your next race after work and that’s the first time you see him.

He’ll be all smiles and will ask you out on a date while the boys cheer him on in the background

When you two actually start dating, he tries to go to all of your races 

He’s insanely protective over you and will spend most of the race freaking out then cheering you on

He does not care whether you win or lose, as long as you’re okay

If you need help with your care, he’ll do his best and will pick up any parts you need on his way home from work

Sodapop Curtis - 

This boy fell in love with you the second he saw you get out of your car and instantly started gushing over you

He’ll go to every single of your races just to stare at you before Steve finally gets sick of it and forces him to ask you out

You two are so perfect together, I can’t even

He is your biggest supporter and your number one fan like he’s cheering the loudest out of everyone

He’ll brag about you to everyone. He’s just so proud to call you his <33

Soda will help you fix your car whenever you need and he loves driving around with you so much

You need something for your car? No problem, baby, he’ll get it for you! 

Overall he’s just incredibly supportive and he loves you a whole lot. 

Ponyboy Curtis - 

Much like Darry, I can see Pony caring more for your safety than whether or not you win your races

Sure, he thinks it’s cool and all, but it’s not really his thing and if he comes to watch you, he’ll stand at a safe distance away so he’s not caught up in the crowds 

Afterwards, he’ll come and find you and he’ll give you a small, reassuring hug, though it’s more for his sake that yours

He loves watching you work on your car

He’ll very rarely help out thought because, let's be honest, he wouldn't have a clue what he’s doing

But I can see him just sitting a few feet away, book in hand as you work

Johnny Cade - 

You two were probably introduced by Dallas, mainly because Johnny very rarely hangs around at the race track

The big crowds and the noise just isn’t his thing, but after he finds out about you, he’ll stay at the fence line and watch, just to make sure you’re okay

He’ll let you come to him at the end of your race, and when you do he’ll just pull you in for a big hug, regardless of whether others are watching

If you’re fixing up or adding to your car, he’ll sit quietly and watch

He doesn’t really understand what you’re doing, but that doesn’t bother him. He’s simply happy to be next to you

It’s the same as when you rant to him about different cars and all the parts. 

He doesn’t have a  clue what you’re saying, but he’ll nod along and listen nonetheless. 

Dallas Winston - 

He honestly thinks you’re so hot and will brag about you to no end

He’ll go to every single one of your races, and he’ll sit looking smug throughout the entire thing

He isn’t afraid to let people know that your his, especially if you win

The minute you’re out of your car, he’s by your side, slinging an arm around your shoulders and pawing at you before anything other guy even has the chance to look at you

He’ll steal all the car parts you need, just tell him what you need, at he’ll be gone 

Dallas probably won’t help you fix up your car, instead, he’ll probably do the opposite

He’ll stand behind you with his arms wrapped around your waist, doing anything and everything he can to get your attention

I can see him knowing a fair bit about cars; he probably picked shit up from his short time in new york as a kid 

He tries to listen when you rant to him, but he has a bad habit of zoning out 

Steve Randle - 

YOU TWO ARE SO PERFECT

Steve is your number one supporter, dare I say even more so than Soda

He’s going to every single one of your races, no matter what

He’ll be screaming and cheering the loudest for yu and he will brag about you to everyone else around

Your guys’ go-to date is either working on your car together or going to some local car show

You can both talk for hours and hours about different types of cars and their parts and it honestly drives that gang insane

Steve has definitely got a spot in the garage at the DX for you so that you can work on your car at the same time as he’s working 

If you win your race, he’s running over to you and twirling you around without hesitation, peppering your face with kisses

He’s so in love with you, it’s almost sickening <33

Two-Bit Mathews - 

Once again, your biggest support

I know I said Steve would scream and cheer loudly, but this boy is a whole new level

He’s jumping up and down and calling your name the second you step out of your car before running over to you and giving you the biggest hug

He’ll probably also brag about you, but only because he’s super proud of you

Honestly wouldn’t trust him to help fix up your car, however, he will go and retrieve anything you need

If you’re working for too long, he will get bored and he will come and bug you until your attention is on him once more

He’ll listen to you talk for hours just to see you smile and sometimes he’ll join in just for the sake of conversation

He’ll try and pretend he knows what he’s talking about, but he doesn’t know shit about cars other than the fact they look cool and you look damn hot when you’re driving one

He tries for you though <3333

[kyelsilly]

okay so i am feeling like going on a little rant so!!!!!!!!!

i love my boyfriend SO much. i love everything about him like seriously.

i met him in 2021 and honestly the second i got home i was telling my mum all about him, i never thought id meet someone i admired as much as i did him let alone have him be my friend!! it was at a really scary point in my life actually because i was about to come out as trans publicly to my school a couple of weeks after i met him and he was already out when he got to my school!!! he made me feel so at ease about it and honestly such a coincidence like that almost makes me kinda believe maybe we were like... meant to met???? i know that's really cheesy but honestly it's hard for me to believe it's possible any other way, i mean,,, i live in a TINY town and meeting someone so perfect for me was never something i could have expected

also when i met him i was in a pretty rough depressive episode where i was missing a lot of school and struggling to get up in the mornings but since meeting him it has become significantly easier to get out of bed and do things, he motivates me daily just to do little things and i appreciate him more than anything for that.

i've been through a lot with him through all of the time that i've known him, we've basically talked daily since we met and i don't know where i'd be without him honestly /pos

he helped me a lot on my journey with discovering and understanding my neurodivergence and he has been nothing but compassionate and supportive towards me the whole way, he's somebody who really understands me on a deeper level that i feel like nobody else in person has come close to before, and it feels amazing. i don't feel misunderstood on any level around him and i feel like i can truly unmask around him without fearing driving him away or annoying him.

also he's just. so good to me all of the time. not even just when i'm upset but he's such a sweetheart and has made me feel really content and satisfied in myself as a person and also in the things i do just due to him being so supportive and loving regardless of what i'm doing. he makes me feel pretty and also makes me feel proud of myself for lots of different little things that i do in my daily life. i could never feel more loved by him. he's a great person and he means the world to me.

even when we were just friends this dude was just. absolutely perfect who let him be this amazing???????? seriously man??????

we've shared so many moments together of all kinds of different emotions and i wouldn't trade a second of any of it for the world

he just makes me feel so happy and hopeful for the future and everything that will come with it, i can't wait until we can finally live together and i can fall asleep next to him every single night

being in love is just. such an amazing feeling especially being so deep in it NOT TO MENTION having it reciprocated so strongly i could not ask for anything more than this genuinely

he is so admirable in so many ways and he constantly motivates me to do things ranging from getting out of bed to doing silly little drawings to planning out my future even if he isn't directly trying to do any of those things he still does it and i could not thank him enough for that

not only is he my boyfriend but he is also my best friend and when i say that i mean it wholeheartedly. we are very romantic towards one another but we also spend a lot of moments just giggling and talking about little things, sometimes he makes me believe in soulmates i'm gonna be completely real on this one

i still remember our first kiss from a few years ago now, we were in the school library and we'd been talking about wanting to share our first kiss for a few days and we were both really nervous but he ended up initiating it - it's really sweet to think about seeing our development in our relationship from then to now and how kisses aren't as big and scary anymore

also since we're getting older now we get to sleep over at each other's places a lot more often and getting to wake up next to him ejdkhdfbj/vvpos whenever we live together my back will never be cold again

sometimes i just want to throw him into the sun /pos /aff

also have i mentioned how pretty he is without even doing anything to put any effort into it???????? dude could have the craziest bedhead known to man and i will still be smiling my ass off staring at him he is just so beautiful i hate eye contact with most people but his eyes are just so pretty

also also im starting to put together this little trinket box of things i have from dates we've had / memories i have with him and it makes me soooo happy to have a lot of little silly things like that

we listen to music in the car / in class together a lot too and i get so giddy just indulging in songs that he likes and that remind me of him ehshdhfhef music is great and so is he

he is so important to me and i feel really important to him too jfhjhkfbgjkf i love him sooooo much i feel so safe around him

have i mentioned we've been together for two years and counting btw :3 our anniversary is 04.04.22 best day ever fr

i dont think i could ever nor have i ever looked at somebody the same way i look at him

i could just ramble for houuuurrrssssssssssssss

have i mentioned how much i love him yet because i love him a lot

im going to calm down now ive been typing for a while giggling.... but hes my everything

[randomgentlefolk]

CPC CHAPTER 165+166

The warning earned a chuckle from me lmao. Because why did I literally gasp while reading the first line xd

The warning for eps 166...didn't make me laugh at all.

Yayy Gwen is finally awake!! I guess thanks Leland for removing the thorny plants so she won't hurt herself :|

Nah cause Leland really dare try to kidnap a girl who asked whether he's okay after she herself just woke up from an intense nightmare 💀

Bro has the GUTS. THE AUDACITY. To start ranting about the kids he's kidnapping.

This scene is so emotional, and I am so glad Gwen is finally starting to know who Leelathae is. Though I won't lie, I'm a little disappointed that Leland is the one to tell her :/ I was expecting a family moment with Jack and the other pastel kids. But it's all good since she finally gets to know her :D

I would like to apologize in advance. Serpent Leland kinda made me laugh due to his abs lmaooo.

But it's pretty cool how Gwen and Frederick sees Leland as a threat (tho unintentional), though with different perspective. Gwen sees Leland as a big bad wolf while Frederick sees Leland as a serpent.

HECK YEAH!!! You go, Frederick!!! For once, his ability to misunderstand something is actually resulting in something wonderful and amazing!!

Aww the Possum immediately hugging Gwen <3

Oh uh whoops. Can Curtis see through that glasses? Hopefully...

Guys, Leland is throwing tantrum again :/ but i can see how using Laverne as a weapon against him is a really useful tactic. Considering how in the past, he bought Laverne to be a replacement for Jack. So turning Laverne against him probably feels like a 2nd betrayal for him.

OOHH....Aww man. Damn. I can feel that comb hitting Leland's hand and pushing the thorns in. Ouch...

NAHH NOT CELSO!!! My man this is why you don't scream your move when doing stealth move 😔

Did Frederick just do a Judo move.

I looked it up and this move is called shoulder throw or Seoi-nage.

BUT FREDERICK ACTUALLY, SERIOUSLY JUST SHOULDER THROW HIS FATHER, THEN PROCEEDS TO PLANT HIS HEAD ON THE WALL. Those laverne carrying are working. Plot twist he's actually buff lmao.

Ahwguwau Frederick actually learning from moments where he got hurt and being brave tho!! So proud of him <3

I love Aurelia and her comments man XD

Frederick immediately checking up on Gwen and making sure she wasn't hurt. These guys deserve their happy ending Lambcat c'mon :')

AURELIA FINALLY GIVING GWEN THE DIARY!!! PASTEL KIDS CHILDHOOD WJSJIWNSGEKA

But of course! Let's start from the beginning of chapter 166...

Lorena would be so proud if she see how Frederick tied his dad with her vines.

Yeah, Gwen definitely should start on the second page... Just reading the first page by glancing could lead to many misunderstandings.

May I just say, I love how Gwen is being stern(is that the word?) To Aurelia about how she needs to read that book and that she really want to know about her mother. Hah! Again, I love Aurelia's comment (this time about the war literally happening downstairs XD)

IT'S TIME. INTOOOOOO PASTEL KIDS CHILDHOOD WITH LEELATHAEEEE!!

(Cue that batman transition music (i forgot the era))

WUJWJWHWAIB THEY??? ARE ADORABLE!!! Awww Leelathae reading them a story with Jack and Gwen & Jamie's onesie!! Also their plushies!! I'm having cuteness overload....

HAJSYAISYAJ THEY HAVE MATCHING DRESSES!!!!! Maybe Leelathae sew them herself??? SJSJSHJAUS

Oh. Okay. That's not good. I suppose there's a side effect after giving birth to the children? That's...depressing.

But before we go deeper into that, birthday party!!

I must say, I absolutely adore how chaotic Lorena seems to be lmao. Look at her and her little sword XD and Maria looking really elegant. She really does give the eldest sister vibe. Gwen looks so cute with the pigtails! (I forgot the hairstyle name). Jamie with the fruits and Gwen with the fruit and cooking utensils!

Also it seems that the pastel family is having a small party for birthdays instead of big ones like the plaid kingdom. I wonder why they don't invite the plaid family over? Blaine and Lance would be 6 and 5 years old at this time, so they're probably at the academy already. But what about Leland and Isolde?

Man, this family is genuinely so wholesome and that makes me even sadder for what's about to happen. CAUSE DAMN??? Leelathae passing out while holding the cake, and Jack noticing like 😭 AND THEN JACK RUNNING TOWARDS HER LIKE MARIA AND LORENA RUNNING TOWARDS GWEN I'M GOING TO CRY.

R.i.p cake (i had to do it)

Ahh I see. Okay. So the left ventricle (which is a part of the heart) is weakening and it can't strengthen back up? That's what I'm getting, at least. I wasn't aware something like this could happen. I'm just researching, and is Peripartum Cardiomyopathy (PPCM) the correct term for this? I don't know anything about childbirth beyond what I learn in school so... this one's purely based on searching the symptom in google.

Okay, let's see... *puts on glasses and squint my eyes* *clears throat*

Peripartum cardiomyopathy (PPCM) or also known as Postpartum cardiomyopathy is an uncommon form of heart failure that happens toward the end of pregnancy or in the months following delivery, when no other cause of heart failure can be found.

https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiomyopathy/what-is-cardiomyopathy-in-adults/peripartum-cardiomyopathy-ppcm

(This information is taken from American Heart Association website. I hope that's alright?)

Symptoms of PPCM that we've seen in Leelathae:

- Fatigue

- Shortness of breath

- Chest pain

- Feeling lightheaded or faint

- Dizziness

For now that's the only things I can note. I mean, I'm not even sure if that is what Leelathae is going through. But it seems likely. I don't have anything to add on this matter right now, so what if we go back to the story. Shall we?

"I'm going to perish...from a broken heart"

OHHHHH, OKAY DAMN LEELATHAE. Man... this reminds me of the broken heart syndrome. It's pretty interesting. If I'm not wrong, it's a heart condition that comes from extremely stressful situation or emotions. And it is possible to pass away from it. So yes, you can die from a broken heart.

Oh man this just got depressing real quick... The kids sitting beside Leelathae's bed, the medicines piling up overtime, Leelathe crying and Jack hugging her...

Leelathae :( she just wants to see her kids grow up and her husband man... and yet because a certain jealous man just had to steal a portrait...damn it Leland.

The witch!! It's her!! :0000

That's nice of her to offer to listen to Leelathae's vent :) though she does mistake her for a witch :')

THIS WHOLE TIME. IT'S THE WITCH LMAO. Okay actually being mistaken as a witch has a perk this time!! And does this mean Leelathae can bake??? Like mother like daughter real.

The panel of the witch hugging Leelathae is actually pretty sweet haha. They're besties now X)

I wonder how this spell will work....

That's it for now. 2 episodes in a post! Wooo! I gotta stop procrastinating... this post was so long lmao.

Mono out! (Ngl I'm still in lmao)

[genderstarbucks]

Coming Out Post Ig?

I don't really know where to start with this so I'm just gonna get into it

Cw for a bit of a long rant, no triggering topics but just read with some slight caution

I think I'm bigay? I've been questioning my sexuality for about 4 years and I could never find a label that stuck. I started with bisexual, then pansexual, then throughout the years my sexuality has changed but it's been mostly been between bi and gay. I've used homoflexible a few times, and it felt right, but something felt off. I felt it didn't completely cover what my attraction felt like. It's been hard for me to differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction, so I've just been using non-sam labels, and just saying I'm bisexual with a lean. Recently I've used abrosexual and that felt right too, but not completely. I've tried abrogay and abroachillean because I am mostly gay but it just didn't feel completely right, I didn't feel complete. I used to be an exclusionist (ew) and against mspec lesbians/gays/straights but luckily I've had friends and this wonderful community to educate me. I think the only reason I was an exclus was because I had internalized bigayphobia, as soon as someone taught me what it was, it really wasn't that hard to understand. Some people are on the sam and some people are fluid between 2 labels. I also think it was because I was with a toxic friend group (who I've since dropped ((thank god)) who was VERY against mspec lesbians/gays/straights. I mean, I also used to be anti-mogai because my ex gf was pounding it into my head how "bad" it was (she was literally cis too lmao) I'm glad I've met and am in such a wonderful community that is accepting of all good-faith identities. Anyway, earlier today I started researching bigay more and kept re-reading the description as to why someone might use the term bigay and then I realized. That's me. I am bigay. The term that actually resonates with me is the thing I've been avoiding the most. I was literally TERRIFIED about adding bigay to my prns page (ik I don't have to but I just want to) even though I know the only people who are gonna see it are my friends (who are accepting of it) and anybody who clicks on the link in my pinned post (which is most likely gonna be an inclus) I've been thinking about if I'm bigay (or just mspec gay) for a while now, but I refused to even accept myself of the possibility of being an mspec gay. I genuinely don't understand exclusionists, I used to be one and all I did was do a little research as to why someone might identify that way, and I changed my views. If you can accept things like nonbinary boy or agender girl, then you can accept mspec lesbians/gays/straights too. I'm glad I've cut off those exclus friends, now I can finally be myself. I think my sexual journey is over, I think this is the label I've been looking for, for so long. Ykw I'm proud to say I'm bigay, I'm proud to use contradictory labels. I'm a nonbinary boy AND a biromantic gay, and I'm god damn proud of it. If you're questioning whether you're mspec and a lesbian/gay/straight then it's okay. Those labels aren't "bad" or "invalid", if it describes you, then use it. You can use "contradictory" labels if you'd like, don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. All that matters is that you accept yourself, all that matters is using the labels you want that make you feel comfortable.

My identity has come a long way over the years, but I think I'm finally happy to say I'm comfortable where I am. I'm an agender boy, enboy and a demienboy, also bigay, and exclusionists can fuck off!

I didn't mean to make this that long but oh well 💀

TLDR; Sexuality confusing, omg I'm a bigay. Fuck exclusionists.

Edit: I think I'm just like every label besides wlw/lesbian, I'm gay, bi, pan, EVERYTHING

Edit 2: Okay nvm guys 💀 Charlie, one of my alters is a transbian and I'm transgay so collectively we're a lesboy, turigirl, gaybian and literally every other orientation

Edit 3: Okay I figured it out, I'm omnibi gay (as in general bi gay) and an omnibi gay man

Edit 4: I'm just every sexuality besides wlw/lesbian labels and I'm also multivelfluid

Edit 5: nvm I lied I'm just bigay

Edit 6: I'm such a fucking liar I'm actual bigay, abrogay and pomogay

[p-receh]

I'M BAAAAAACK

Let's continue the missing part from anon's questions.

LET'S GO

Anyway anon. I'm in deeply sorry for late reply. Please don't be mad at me T_T

For me back to my previous rants over that vid of episodes 6. Oboi let himself quite and take a rest a little while to comprehend what he's done while splitting.

Since I thought elementals didn't have an official leader under Oboi, Oboi himself in my headcanon were in sleep paralysis during split. Letting his elementals do the job. So whenever they recombine, I always see Oboi as he just woke up and try to recollect all the dreams he saw.

There's a random hypothesis I came up with while watching movie 2 for the first time: That is Oboi's individual elementals exist and only exist as long as they live in Oboi's.

So when Retak'ka and Tok Kasa pulled them out, the elementals instantly went ... uuuh how you pronounce it? Torpidity? Becoming apparent death as a silent tool to its original owner. Same case when Ki'rana took Halilintar from Oboi via Satriantar's sword(?).

This is proven with how l did mention this before, Oboi is the first one who uses split technique. And the way he handled the elementals is like he treating the elementals like some sort of how people control emotions. This comment I stumbled upon beautifully encapsulates it.

Also I find it quite interesting and almost in a bit shock after Beliung incident and during battle in Gur'latan. The former one is showing how Oboi resigned in lending the Wind power to Lady Kuputeri. Beliung case reminded him a lot of Retak'ka, but I think it reminds him from the first time Angin got his 2nd Tier, Taufan.

(back to my other analysis here. With how huge the wind element that Boboiboy absorbed in Planet Windara, his overwhelming joy unconsciously took over Boboiboy)

Whereas the later is portraying Oboi's actually petrified that Halilintar will got the similar unexpected treatment for the third time!

(The way after he shout then comes a pleading voice right after that. I have a headcanon that the pleading voice was Halilintar's last second slipped in.)

If anything, I see both of them not as Oboi, but the real character of the elementals! | know the spoiler about Halilintar's. But I didn't expect to be this worse. (Now I can see why people went frantic about Halilintar at that issue :3).

It goes back to the picture | found on Pinterest. Please tell me the original link. I can't find it (the font whoever use it was hardly readable for me, I'm sorry ^^`)

This is also goes back to what I've mentioned with Boboiboy movie 1 & 2 review. Everytime he let off his hat. His also let his hidden "weakness" opens up.

But at the same time...

The moments his hat wears off is also to show his proofs as a hero for everyone and his family. Especially for his dad who Oboi's dearly missed. That's why he looked very mature whenever he fight without his hat.

His hat for me is resembles of Monsta's clingingness and guardedness 24/7 to make this series still be kids friendly.

If the season 2 ended with 3rd tier design like that. And movie 3 concept art of him being alone... I don't want any Monsta excuses to not upgrade their age ratings.

No.

You started it. So you face the consequences, Monsta >:(

Ehem.

And the elementals unknowingly helps him to achieve that. If I can make some wild headcanon: No, anon. I don't think the elementals wants to leave Oboi.

Not directly proven but their bondings with Oboi are too strong to divide. If anything, the elementals are unofficially being loyal to him. Movie 2 and galaxy season 2 for is already evident enough. (Also it's how Hang Kasa dreamed of with all elementals being unite to protect the galaxy. He couldn't be more proud when there's a boy did that indirectly. Just like how Gempa purposely being the leader of the elementals :'))

Also.

Linking to what I said about the amnesia problem on previous post. Oddly enough, for comic ver, Monsta didn't dwell further on this problem until Baraju arc. But then again in the same arc, Oboi's mental health hasn't detected any worrisome effects! And he CAN STILL FIGHT normally by using a new fusion not long after recombining??

Like-

bro-What?

Monsta didn't let Oboi fucking rest for the sake of introducing the last fusion, Sopan(Not to make any rudeness for Sopan, mind you. I honestly loves his design and attacks. The most unique design of all fusion if I say so myself). Holy shit both Blaze and lce just did a smash brawl shit and almost unleashed their final smash! If not because of Fang, both the temper duo and Oboi should be dead by now. Period.

[corvuserpens]

So yeah, yesterday I decided to FINALLY watched The Meg bc everyone kept saying it was a silly fun shark movie... AND THEY WERE RIGHT. It was AWESOME.

I went in expecting practically nothing, and it blew me away. The story premise is ridiculous and it totally feels like the director, actors and crew 100% knew that and embraced it! The movie never takes itself too seriously, it practically tells you to just kick back and enjoy it for what it is, which is exactly what makes it so much fun. It's an exciting comedy horror about a giant prehistoric shark in present day Earth, the CGI is dubious but the cinematography makes up for it with some great, well composed shots. For example, when Suyin is in the trench and is being attacked by a giant squid? That in itself is pretty cool imagery, but then you see the Megalodon swimming over her sub with the squid in its mouth in the gloom, illuminated from below?? WOW????

Then the characters are like, surprisingly deep? They have interesting backstories that inform us on who they are and while Jonas is the only one who gets some screen time for his Big Trauma, we later learn that Lori might have blown up a whaler ship for an environment organization and that's how she learned to pilot? And that Suyin had a tough relationship with her dad but they love each other so much that with his dying breath he tells her how proud he is, that she already surpassed him as a scientist and he hopes Meying will grow up to be just like her? And we get all of that with some very organic, short dialog or like 3-4 minute scenes, which is rare these days. Legit good writing where it is most needed, all the more sober scenes are well-acted and so immersive, the characters are so likable I ended up rooting for all of them to survive (except that billionaire whose name I didn't bother to learn, everyone else I remember except him, FUCK that guy). Even the side characters, though flat, were interesting because the actors gave them so much personality!

And, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A WHOLESOME CISHET SHIP WITH JASON STATHAM WITH VERY LITTLE SEXUAL TENSION BUT A LOT OF ROMANTIC TENSION?? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT??? Seriously, I was shipping Jonas and Suyin so hard, their interactions were adorable. How he goes from being the typical Tough Manly Man Who Is Super Competent And Punches All The Bad Guys While Wearing The Same Tough Guy Face All Movie to genuinely caring for the whole Mana One crew and respecting Suyin as an accomplished female scientist in her own right who knows what she's doing and is also brave and headstrong herself... Much 'aww'ing' was done.

Not to make this too long a rant, I love talking about movies I enjoyed, sorry, but a few other small things I liked about it: that Lori and Jonas remained good friends who care and support each other, and want the other's happiness even being divorced, we need more of that! And Dr. Heller apologizing to Jonas and meaning it for saying he was crazy and basically ruining his life (plus Jonas forgiving him in the end), definitely wanna see more of that! Jonas' friendship with Meying, THAT WAS SO CUTE, I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM!! The gags were all genuinely funny, I was laughing through most of the movie, and the jump scares got me more than a couple of times (though that might be a fault on my part, I'm a big wussy and I am not afraid to admit it). The action is so. DUMB. But it's the kind that it's so dumb it's good, y'know?

Final note, I gotta say, let Jason actually act more because he's really good and directors keep hiring him to play a stoic emotionless hero when he can do so much more? He has impeccable comedic timing, his line delivery no matter how bonkers, always lands, he's REALLY CHARMING and y'all are wasting his potential imo. Given, I haven't really watched many of his movies after the Transporter franchise, but for example, I loved him in The Italian Job and a couple of weeks ago I started watching Homefront and I was enjoying it because he gets to play a widower with a young daughter in a new town, and now I definitely need to finish it bc I'm a sucker for father/daughter dynamics.

Anyway, yeah, if you like sharks, B-movies or just something fun to watch that will make you laugh, go watch The Meg. It's good enough to convince me to go watch the sequel next August. Can't wait!

[smtown-tourist]

A Letter to You - Year 6:

Our dear sweet shiniest angel, it's been 6 years since you left us. It's still so hard to believe that you're gone, but this year I've started to feel a change when people mention you. It's done less out of grief and sadness and more out of love and happiness, of cherishing the life you lived rather than morning the one that you lost.

For the past few years, whenever your anniversary rolls around, I've chosen to write a letter to you as my way of staying connected to you and dealing with my own grief. I've felt a change in that as well because now I don't use it as a coping mechanism as much as I used to as I've begun to look forward to writing these letters. It makes me happy when your anniversary rolls around because I know it means that I can finally rant about everything your group and members have been up to like I'm actually sitting down and having a conversation with you.

It actually makes me a little giddy that Key chose to remember you and celebrate your anniversary in the same manner when he made his instagram post today. It really is a great way of dealing with grief and finding a way to stay connected to you. I don't plan on ever stopping this tradition, but if I ever do, know that it's not because I've stopped loving you or have forgotten you. Eventually, we all have to move on and until I reach that point, this is how I'll choose to remember you on the anniversary of your death.

As a part of every Letter to You that I write, I add pictures of you and your members. This year, I decided to include those from your debut year because 2023 marked 15 years with SHINee. There were so many ways that your group chose to celebrate that milestone and in so many ways they made sure that you were included. You members always make sure to include you in some way, but this year felt extra special and more thought out.

First, SHINee held a 15 Year Anniversary Fan Event. When the news of the event first came out, the venue that was selected was so small in comparison to what you're used to. It was so sad and disrespectful, and as you can imagine, SHINee World wasn't going to sit idly by and let that happen. A petition was released by the official SHINee World Fan Club to have the venue switched to something bigger. You would've been so proud of your fandom for standing up for what it believed in, and part of me believes that the courage we had to stand up for SHINee derived from the examples you set. You were always speaking out against injustice and fighting for what you believed in. Long story short, SM changed the location of the venue, and your members were so grateful for the love that SHINee World has for them. I know that if you had been around to see it, you would've been brought to tears as you thanked SHINee World immensely. You would've told us that we did well just like you always wanted someone to tell you.

Second, SHINee released a music video as a special anniversary present for SHINee World. The song was titled, The Feeling, and the thing that made it so extra special was that it was a video that your members directed all on their own. It was so beautiful, encompassing the essence of SHINee, and brilliantly conveyed the meaning of the song. You would've been proud of your members for showing off their new skill set, and I think the only thing that could've made that music video even better was if the song was written by you. I know you would've loved creating a special song just for SHINee World and your group's 15th anniversary. Don't think that you were left out, though, because in the opening credits of the song, your name was listed there with your members and I know that you were on their minds the whole time they were filming.

Third, SHINee also released an Anniversary Special on YouTube that showcased the members celebrating the anniversary with a road trip. Your members were surprised first with a plushy of you to take along with them, but then they were also surprised with a special presentation of all of SHINee's mementos from over the years. As they were admiring the setup and walking down memory lane while checking out some of your group's older albums, you were brought up a few times. It was great seeing your members smile when they saw pictures of you and hearing them speak fondly of you. We needed to see that from them because it's so hard for us as a fandom to move on and stop grieving when we know that your members haven't moved on and still grieving.

Fourth, a documentary of your group came out a couple months ago celebrating the 15 years that SHINee has been in existence. I haven't seen the movie yet so I can't give you any details about the contents of it, but I know that it held so many memories. It would've been a film that you would've enjoyed not only creating but watching as well. I can't help but wonder what you would've said during your interview portions of the movie if you were still around. I'm sure you would've had us all laughing and crying with the stories you shared, and you probably would've laughed and shed a tear or two as well.

Fifth, 2023 didn't just mark SHINee's 15th Debut Anniversary but it also marked the 10th Year Anniversary of when SHINee won Artist of the Year at the MMA's. 2013 truly became SHINee's year and it feels so right that 2023 also ended up becoming another year marked by SHINee. When your group won Artist of the Year, it was one of the most memorable award winnings for your group. EVERYONE, not just SHINee and SHINee World, remember that day, and it was shown when the MMA's put together a speical video just for SHINee. We felt your tears that day and we remember them so clearly like it was yesterday. We remember how happy you were and we also remember how much you all wept, the humbleness you and your members showed as you all insisted that you didn't deserved that reward but would continue to work harder to improve. Well, I'm hear to tell you that you all DESERVED that award and every other that has come after that. The impact SHINee has had on the industry was felt then and it's still felt now. Your group ended up winning Performance Stage of the Year at the MMA's and like true legends, your members showed the whole world WHY because they KILLED IT! The performance your group gave still gives me goosebumps when I think about it now. They showed everyone that was watching why SHINee is known as the Kings of Live Vocals, of live performances in general. Your group managed to bring the fun back to the End of the Year Awards as they had everyone, especially the idols in attendance up on their feet and singing along. SHINee is the group that inspired so many of these young artists to become idols, and I know that you would've been so proud of your group and its accomplishments.

I decided to wait to talk about SHINee's comeback this year until I reached Onew's portion of the letter. That's because this comeback was the first since your death that SHINee has promoted as an incomplete unit. Right before SHINee was supposed to start promoting their 8th album, Hard, an announcement was made that Onew would be put on Hiatus to recover from some unnamed health problems. It was so devastating when that news first came out because so many of us were looking forward to having SHINee back together after two years, but you would be proud of SHINee World. Instead of focusing on ourselves, we cheered Onew on and showed him how much love and patience we have as we promised to wait for his return.

I know that deciding to go on Hiatus wasn't an easy decision for Onew to make since he's the leader. I'm sure that he had a lot of worries and doubts, some fears that he would be forgotten. I chose this set of photos of him comforting you because I know that if you had been around, YOU would've been the one comforting him during that time. I can picture you telling Jinki not to worry because you would handle everything and make sure that nobody forgot about him while he was gone. You were always his right hand man as the second eldest. You would help each other in so many ways and you were never afraid to step up and take over when you felt it was right.

Even though I know it was a hard decision for Onew to make, I stand by the fact that it was the best decision that he ever made. Right before he went on Hiatus, he looked so frail and sickly, the skinniest we'd ever seen it. It was heartbreaking and so concerning. But you should see him now. Jinki looks so much happier and healthier in the recent photos that have come out of people running into him in public. You would be so proud of Onew, your only hyung inside the group, for looking out for his own health and setting such a good example for everyone that it's okay to take time off and focus on your well-being. I think he learned that from you since you were such an advocate for mental health and spoke openly about your struggles. I know Onew isn't as open about those kinds of things as you were, and I don't want him to ever feel pressured to share with us the details of what he was going through at the time, but I think in his own way, when he wrote a personal letter to SHINee World that it was his own way opening up to us.

On a more positive note, Onew did make a solo comeback earlier in the year. Personally, it's probably one of my favorite releases from him because the song is so touching and the music video itself was beautiful, a real cinematic masterpiece. You would've loved every part of it, especially the song since it was a ballad. That was always something that you two bonded over. I could just imagine you covering it at some point.

You would've been proud of your Kibummie for everything that he did this year. With you and Onew gone, SHINee's middle child had to take the reigns and lead the group. 2min didn't make it the easiest task, but I'll get to that later. Even so, Key has done an amazing job of leading SHINee and making sure that SHINee stays whole. Both you and Onew taught him well in that regards. Key was always good at taking care of SHINee like an umma, but he's really stepped up and taken on that Hyung role these past 6 months. I'm sure he has a new found level of respect and gratitude for you and Onew for being the eldest members in the group.

The Hard album had so many amazing songs on it, as I'm sure you would've guessed, but there's one song in particular that I want to mention and it feels right to do so during Key's section of the letter because Key was the one that spoke about this song, how it stood out to the group during preparations and quickly became his favorite. The song is called Identity, and it's a song about loving yourself for who you are and not being afraid to show it. I know that if you would've been there to hear this song's demo, you would've immediately fallen in love with it just like Key did since both of you always wore your identities on your sleeves. You should also know that Key wasn't the only one that heavily identified with his song. As soon as it came out, this song became an instant favorite of those belonging to the LGBTQIA+ Community and it was one that they claimed as their own. The Seoul Pride Festival even made Identity one of the main songs for their parade playlist. You would've been proud of that accomplishment since that's another thing that you and Key had in common: your love and acceptance for the LGBTQUIA+ Community. None of us will ever forget the time you personally reached out to a trans student and posted their protest letter as your profile picture on Twitter. You did something that no other idols at the time had the guts to do, and it's because of that that you've influenced others in the industry to be more open about being queer themselves or an ally to the community. I know the moment that you found out about Identity playing at the Seoul Pride Festival, you would've unashamedly made a post telling everyone how honored you are that one of SHINee's songs was chosen for such an event.

Key also released a repackage album and mini album this year. They were great as always and part of that has to do with Key using his music as a representation of himself. And in a cute way of remembering you, in his latest music video for his song, Good & Great, there was a part where BOK-SILLee, the fluffy pink monster that first made an appearance with Key's Gasoline comeback, popped up and there were five of them. It was a subtle nod to SHINee but it was so heartwarming to see five of them.

Also during Key's Good & Great promotions, he appeared on a variety show that hosts idols that are dog owners. While talking with the MC of the show, Key was asked if his dogs had any favorite SHINee members. Key didn't hesitate to mention that you were always Comme Des' favorite. That wasn't a surprise to any of us because we all remember quite vividly how you tried to eat Comme Des during one of the episodes of SHINee's One Fine Day. I'm sure that must've had a lasting impact on Comme Des since it won you a place in his heart. It does make me sad to think that a show like that wasn't around when you were still alive. I know that you would've begged to appear on that show with Roo so you could brag about your baby to the world. You would've also have loved to attend the doggie birthday party for Comme Des and Garcon with Roo. You would've showed up with her wearing a cute little bow and presents for Key's puppies. Byulroo is doing well, in case you were wondering, and Sodam-noona continued to take good care of her and give us regular updates. I'm sure you already knew that your baby was in good hands or else you would've have felt comfortable leaving her.

As I mentioned before, 2min have been making Key's life as SHINee's temporary leader a lot more stressful. Your two youngest have become a bunch of wild-childs lately and I'm sure Key can't wait for Onew to come back and take over. Recently, they were causing trouble during one of SHINee's concerts. They started sword fighting with the key chains on their belts, and I doubt I have to tell you what it all looked like. The fandom went wild after the footage of that came out, so much laughter, and I'm sure while you would've been nagging at them for ruining SHINee's image, you also would've been right there with them since you always loved to put a smile on the Shawols' faces and make them laugh. The proof can be seen in the loads of footage of you doing wildly scandalous things with your members on stage just to get a reaction from the crowd. That was one of the things we loved about you and fondly cherish now that you're gone.

Something that I know probably makes you jealous is that 2min have also been spending a lot of time going to the gym together. I know that was something that you and Minho always bonded over when you were alive and I'm sure that it would've been something that the three of you enjoyed doing together. It makes me wish that you were still around so you could be a part of those trips to the gym. I know that if you were you would've made tons of appearances on Minho's instagram stories. We would've seen your thumbs-up and instagram handle tagged in so many of those posts, and it makes me sad that we'll never get to see that. You're probably also jealous that Minho recently grew an extra 0.2 centimeters. You're probably nagging at the Universe right now for it and asking why it never made you 0.2 centimeters taller. I know that if you had been alive when Minho discovered that, you would've never let him hear the end of it while Minho rubbed it in your face every chance he got. He used to love doing that: giving you a hard time about your height. It was always done out of love, so I hope you aren't holding that against him.

You should be proud of Minho, though, because he also recently was chosen as the person to carry and light the torch for the Seoul's Winter Olympics. It made him so happy, and it really shows how wide-spread his love for sports is that he out of so many was chosen to do such an honor. I know that you would've been proud and I know that you would've made sure everyone knew it, too, when you made a post congratulating Minho on that accomplishment with a photo of you watching the footage live. You were always so great about showing your support for the things that the SHINee members did outside of the group that I know that moment wouldn't have been any different.

This year was a speical one for your Taeminnie as he finally made his long awaited comeback from his Military Hiatus. Taemin getting discharged marked the end to SHINee's Enlistment Era, and I'm sure you were cheering alongside side us when we welcomed him back with open arms. Right away, Taemin showed that you've been on his mind a lot this year. He was the first one to speak fondly of you during SHINee's Anniversary Special by complimenting you on how pretty you were and sharing the fondness he had for your signature chest mole that he lovingly called The Mind's Eye. It was also during that special that Taemin decided to perform a special piano cover of your song, End of a Day. I know that if you were still alive you would've enjoyed getting to perform it alongside him and it would've been a beautiful performance.

Your maknae would've made you proud with his latest comeback. His song, Guilty, became an instant sensation, and truly, everything about that comeback was exceptional. From the stunning music video to the iconic choreography, I know that you would've been in love with it all. You never did let anyone forget that you were the King of the Taemints. There was never any doubt for how much you loved Taemin and how proud he made you with his accomplishments and growths as an artist. It's really thanks to you that he had the motivation and ambition to strive to be better. Taemin showed that when he dedicated a song to you during his appearance on the singing show Dingo. He was so happy to share how the song was one you used to sing when you practiced and it inspired him to become a better vocalist. You're the reason that Taemin has been able to rid himself of the Tone Deaf label, a label that you probably always despised and disagreed with since you knew better than anyone that Taemin had so much potential and a great singing voice.

I know that Key already told you about this but just this past weekend, Taemin held his first concert since being discharged. I don't have to tell you that it was a show like no other because you've personally attended one of Taemin's solo concerts before. We all remember how you showed up, decked head to toe in Taemin merch and screamed his name at the top of your lungs. I know that if you had still been alive, you would've attended Metamorph as well with MinKey and SHINee's choreographer Kany, who you would've LOVED even before you found out that she's a Shawol herself. I know you would've been battling it out with Minho to see who could cheer for Taemin the loudest and get his attention first. I know you would've been crying happy tears seeing your baby do so well and receive so much love. I know you would've fought to be the first one to take a selca with him and immediately uploaded it to your instagram. I know that you would've been losing your shit right there with us when Taemin ripped his shirt off before quickly snapping a picture of him and uploading it with some kind of embarrassing caption. You would've had a heart attack during the portion when Taemin hung upside down but also been so amazed by it, making one of your iconic super-shocked faces with your eyes and mouth as wide as they could go. And even though you weren't there in person, I know that your presence could be felt in that stadium as you wouldn't want to miss the chance at seeing your baby perform. You would've blessed Taemin and made sure that everything went well.

Overall, 2023 was an amazing year for your group. It's breathtaking to see how far all of you have come and to know that SHINee is still capable of beating even the newest, most popular 4th Gen groups. The impact and legacy your group has had on K-pop has stood the test of time and it is one that will always be cherished. The Hard comeback, as sad as it was that Onew couldn't truly be a part of it to the fullest, was incredible nonetheless. It gained so much love and attention and it's a part of why 2023 should be known as SHINee's Year. It makes me wish you could've been here to be a part of it all. I wish we could've seen you in the music videos and heard your voice on the album. I wish you could've been there for the music show performances, for every award winning, for the celebration of SHINee's 15th anniversary, for SHINee's concerts, for SHINee's Crop Top Era, for the premier of the SHINee documentary, for your members' solo comebacks, for their solo concerts, for the hardships that some of them had to face, for the laughs that they shared, for the tears that they shed, for the memories that they made. But even though you weren't physically there, your members made sure that no one forgets about you. You haven't been forgotten. Your life might've been lost but the memories that you left behind will live on forever and be cherished by every person whose life you touched.

We love you, Kim, Jonghyun, and always know that you did well.

[zxvtrpnljhfdb]

I fucked up BIG

I had my usual rant all prepared for the afternoon when I fatfingered it. I hadn't blocked my ex on my main account so that they could communicate with me about their dog, who's staying in the apartment while they're out on their....... whatever staycation.

The detective was supposed to be by tomorrow, but they were able to come out after I got off work. So they served my ex with the warrant for the computer, but I don't think they were necessarily able to get a warrant for the hard-drive, which my ex took with fOr SoMe MySteRiOuS rEaSOn.

Anyway, just before they came through, my ex had stopped by to get the dog. They forgot their keys??? I've never seen them forget their keys. I just gave them the leash, dog attached, and the dog did the rest.

Finally, about an hour ago, their new plaything brought the dog back. She is seriously sick. I hope it's not contagious.

Anyway, so my dumb ass was all crowing about how amazing my life has become--I have a stable employer, I've had a really stable living condition. I don't think my partner necessarily meant to give me that self-esteem boost, but I deserve it. We have had money to pay rent every single month. And in large part, I owe that to myself. Now, there were a few months where she did carry us herself. She does deserve that little credit. Those few months were awesome. This place was so fucking clean. There were even a few months where we both worked. Not at all sure where the fuck all that money went to.

I was also stupidly, stupidly crowing about how the fertility situation was actually good, I'm just concerned that the sperm was bunk.

Then, like I mentioned, I mentioned the cops coming to literally solve our dispute over the computer. It was mostly coincidence that she was apparently coming back, keys in hand, to supposedly return the dog, and she ran into the cops.

I put all my fucking cards out there in this stupid blog post. I can't fucking believe she got it open or up so fucking quick. All I can fucking hope is she navigated away from it before she could record it. But that's a slim hope.

I have been so fucking sleep deprived this week. I'm really happy between the depression and my hormones, things are going better for me physically, because otherwise these last few weeks, I'm not sure how I would have been able to handle things. In the about hour between the time they called to say they were on their way, and the time they arrived, I actually passed the fuck out and I was so fucking groggy when they got here.

The camera gal took pictures of e v e r y t h i n g. And I am not even remotely proud of how this place looks, it is abso-fuckin-lutely trashed. It is so embarrassing. It's still gonna be a dump when I'm fully out.

I filed a TRO. Between this and the CSAM issue..........I see soooooooooo many hours in court in my future.........

That my ex finally blocked me is of truly cold comfort. It is not that hard to make up new accounts to keep an eye on people. Even if I cut and dyed my hair and posted a whole entire thing about a negative pregnancy test, I've shown that I can apparently lie pretty goddamn well when I feel unsafe. Or, sorry, apparently, according to my ex, I don't feel unsafe. I'm making it up for attention.

False, but, potayto potahto, right? I have plenty of reasons to feel unsafe around my ex. I'm no longer of any value to them with someone more malleable and with more money around. They've pointed a gun at me so many times, but like hahaha like funny don't be so serious take a joke. Her first response when ending it was to clear out the bank account of my money. Money that I earned. Money that was supposed to go to rent and utilities for the person who earned it. Instead, she high-rolled her fucking vacation with it. But oh, I guess she really needed it more than I do.

So yeah, this high likelihood of pregnancy could turn out to just be really good evidence that the engines just need some actually functional sperm and she still wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't be safe.

So I at least need a restraining order.

Anyway, I need sleep. With this level of stress, I probably am going to have to try again later. With all the fucking harassing and lying and bullying, I wouldn't be surprised if it did get fertilized but my uterus was just like, nope! My eyes are struggling to focus so I'm out

[justdontaskme]

Stand By Me (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

A/N: Finally have the next part to this fic, which also happened to incorporate this request. Not entirely happy with it, but hope it was worth the wait!

Being back in Barcelona was a nice change of pace. It was a real roller coaster of emotions when you were in England. There was so much to be proud of to see the state of women’s soccer today. The energy in the host country of the Euros was invigorating, and seeing so many of your friends proudly representing their countries was a joy to watch. 

But with that came the reminder that you and Alexia were missing out on your own national team appearances. Not being able to play was a huge downer, but the two of you leant on each other through the journey. Eventually, things started to change. 

In all honesty, things have been rough between you and Alexia since the Spanish team’s exit from the competition and it continued to get worse throughout preseason training. 

You didn’t blame your girlfriend for her frustrations surrounding her injury, but as you were there to support her, she was getting very testy. You didn’t know if her boredom was getting to her, or maybe she was jealous you were able to actually get back on the pitch. 

Every day you’d come home from practice, attend to her, cook, and clean. Then fight with Alexia over the smallest things. It was almost as if you couldn’t do anything without annoying Alexia lately. 

Most of the fights came from Alexia pushing herself too hard or teetering on her limits. You were always trying to get her reel back just a fraction, and she'd get upset and tell you to go away. 

There were little arguments here and there, but nothing too bad. Luckily, you were able to escape for a few hours a day for preseason training with your club teammates. That time away seemed to help you keep your head on straight and keep the passive aggressive comments Alexia would send your way from getting to you. 

However, things were starting to build, and you were sure they were going to reach a breaking point sooner or later. With preseason over and the regular season starting, things were starting to ramp up. You’d been cleared to play, now that your ankle injury had healed completely. It did bother you slightly that she hadn’t said much to you about your return, but you moved on from that to avoid any drama. 

When you got back from training, you were drained, but kept up with the normal day-to-day routine. After preparing a late lunch for both you and Alexia, you set out to help her to the table. Alba had taken Alexia to physio and rehab for her knee today, so you could only bet she was just as exhausted as you. 

The two of you ate mostly in silence. She only hummed in acknowledgement as you tried to update her on everyone’s form and upcoming plans. You got the feeling that she was trying to avoid all of this.  

Eventually the two of you moved to the couch to relax. You had tried to sit next to her, so you could throw an arm over her shoulder, but she had shrugged you off. A little hurt, you scooted over to the other end of the couch. Alexia looked unaffected. 

As the two of you were watching, she mentioned wanting something sweet, already halfway out of her seat. 

"Let me get it for you," you said, quickly jumping up to help her. 

"I can get it myself," she snapped. 

"I'm just trying to help, Ale," you replied, shrinking away a little at her tone.

"Well maybe I don't need your help. You're always around and I literally have no space. Everywhere I turn you're there. Everytime I try to do anything, you do it for me. I'm not a child,” she ranted. 

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself by pushing too hard. I know what you're going through," and that was apparently not what she wanted to hear because it set her off.

"No, no you don't!” she yelled, her head shaking back and forth. “I have to push myself because I need to get back on the field as soon as possible. My team needs me.”

“I understand that, but it won’t help anyone if your recovery gets pushed back due to strain,” you tried reasoning with her, your own frustrations starting to bubble through. 

“That’s the thing, you don’t understand, Y/N! The U.S. qualified without you!" she shouted at you.

You recoiled at her words. The implications that you were so easily replaceable was hard to hear, especially from someone who usually championed you. While it was true that the United States won their qualifying tournament without too many problems, it hurt that she even suggested you were not needed.

Ever since your ankle injury a few months back, you had this nagging feeling that the last camp you had attended for the United States was your final one. The country was drowning in talent and as Alexia pointed out, you weren't exactly needed. You hadn't started since the World Cup and really felt like Vlatko was moving the team in a direction where you weren't a piece of the puzzle. 

Each time a roster was about to drop lately, you would sit by anxiously, waiting for a call that wouldn’t come. But you tried not to let that hurt linger for long because you had to stay strong for your girlfriend, who was navigating unknown territory with her injury. 

While your heart was cracking at her words, you chanced a look in her direction. She was looking anywhere but at you, but it didn’t look like she even realized the hurt she had inflicted. 

That was your breaking point. You were here doing your best to help Alexia throughout her recovery. You'd been loving, caring, supportive, and most importantly patient. 

Now, here she was throwing one of your biggest insecurities in your face. It hurt. You did your best to clear your throat, to stop any cries or hurtful words from escaping. With a shake of your head, you turned on your heels, grabbing your keys and wallet, and stormed out of the house.

The slamming of the door woke Alexia up from her anger-clouded mind. Her heavy breathing slowed, as she replayed the fight in her head. Seeing the house empty and finally processing what she had said had her crumbling as she fell back onto the couch.

Awful didn’t even begin to describe how she was feeling in the moment. Her eyes watered as she started to mentally reprimand herself for allowing things to get to this point. She knew things hadn’t been easy lately, but everytime she tried to fix it, her mind would pivot and shut down or attack you for no reason. 

Alexia quickly sent out two texts to you. One saying she was sorry and another asking where you were going. With the phone on the table, she waited to hear back from you. She sat there all alone with her thoughts about how horrible she’d been to you.

It had been hours since you had left, and Alexia had yet to move from her spot on the couch since you walked out. She was beginning to worry as it was now pretty late into the night.

Rarely did you ever leave your phone unanswered, especially if she was trying to get a hold of you. But all of her phone calls had gone to voicemail and all her texts were read without a reply. 

As her worry escalated, she started reaching out to your club teammates. None of them had heard from you or seen you since practice earlier that day. Alexia didn’t go into any details about the fight between the two of you, just asked if anyone knew where you were. 

They all responded in the negative, and she nearly froze when they asked what was going on. She didn’t know what the team knew about your relationship. Whenever Alexia visited the team, whether it be training or gamedays, things seemed okay. Maybe a little strained, but nothing the team felt the need to worry about. 

Running out of options, Alexia bit her lip and called the one person who would normally know about you. The only thing Alexia was scared of was the hell she would face when your best friend learned of what she had said to you. 

"Hola," Leila answered the phone, her cheery demeanor as present as ever. When her greeting was met with silence, the brunette began to worry, “Ale?”

"Have you talked to Y/N?" she went straight to the point, as her worry for you was beginning to take over. 

"I talked to her yesterday. Why? Is something the matter?" her voice a little higher as she realized something must be wrong. 

Alexia broke down and spilled to Leila everything that had happened. All the arguing and passive aggressive comments that led to the blowout where you had now been missing for over six hours. 

"Ale, I didn’t know things had gotten so bad between you two," the tone in which Leila said her name, made Alexia feel so guilty and ashamed. She knew that even though Leila had moved to Manchester, the two of you were still close and told each other everything. If Leila didn't know about your fights, Alexia would bet no one did. 

The fact that you kept quiet about all this made her feel even worse. All you did was be understanding and patient and she had been nothing but terse and short. 

It was no excuse, but the lack of football threw Alexia’s life out of balance, and she didn’t know how to handle it. Apparently, the only thing she could think of was to take it out on you. And now that she realized what she had been doing, she hated herself. 

"What if she doesn't come back?" Alexia asked, her voice small and meek as her doubts plagued her mind. 

"If you really have to ask if she's coming back, then you must not know her like I thought you did," Leila said, pausing to see if Alexia had something to add. "She loves you more than anything, Ale. She just needs time. If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s her."

And just like that, Alexia was quickly reminded of how the last few years had been plagued with injury after injury. Always just barely managing to keep you off the pitch. It was never anything completely serious, but you were never one hundred percent, seeing less and less minutes in games.  

Each training session and game was followed by lots of recovery and rehab. Your playing time had been managed carefully each time, your skill and experience still a huge asset to the team. 

She then remembered how little fanfare you had received from her upon finally returning to the starting lineup. It was a huge step for you in your latest injury journey, and she was too busy moping around to celebrate your achievement properly. 

“I am the worst girlfriend,” Alexia stated, facepalming herself for all the oversight in her relationship. 

“After everything you just told me, I’m not going to argue with you on that,” Leila said, her tone only slightly joking. “Listen, Ale. I have to go soon. I texted her but she still hasn't responded and I don't know if she will. So please text me when you hear back from her."

"I will. I'm sorry, Leila."

"Save the apologies for Y/N,” Leila told her. “And just promise me that you'll do right by her. That girl doesn’t deserve this."

"Promise," Ale said, her determination to apologize and mend your relationship at an all time high. 

"Okay, goodnight Ale. I really hope you can fix this."

“Me too,” Ale said in lieu of goodbye, already planning in her head what she wanted to say to you. 

****

It was long after dark when you finally returned home. When you had stormed out earlier, you had no idea where you were going. There was no destination in mind. You wandered aimlessly, hopping on and off trains. You needed to get away and clear your head. And you think you did. 

The lights were off, so you assumed that Alexia had retired to your shared bedroom for the night. As quietly as you could, you made your way into the kitchen, wanting to get some water before bed. 

When you passed by the living room, you noticed a lump on the couch. Turning on the light, you found Alexia sound asleep. Knowing that it probably wasn’t the most comfortable place for her to sleep right now, you bent down to lift her, being mindful of her injured leg. 

The rustling must have woken her up. 

“Mi amor? Is that you?” Alexia sleepily asked, her eyes blinking as she tried to rid herself of sleep. 

"I'm just moving you to the bed," you said, helping her to your shared bedroom slowly. 

It was quiet as the two of you made your way over to the bed. Carefully, you lowered her until she was lying flat, her head hitting the pillow softly. 

“Can we talk?” she whispered. 

“Not tonight, Alexia. Get some sleep,” you told her, lifting the thin blanket to cover her body. 

Before you could turn to flee the room, she grabbed your wrist, effectively stopping you in your tracks. “I’m sorry,” she tried desperately.

Your eyes were squeezed shut as you tried to hold it all in. "Please, not tonight," you pleaded with her until she finally resigned and let you go.

Before you could leave, one of her hands went up to hold the side of your face, "I love you.”

"Goodnight,” you said, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. Without another word or even a look back, you left the room, making yourself comfortable on the bed in the spare room. There you were thrown into a long cycle of tossing back and forth, lucky if you were able to get a few hours of sleep in. 

****

The next morning, Alexia was already in the kitchen when you woke up, a cup of coffee waiting for you. Her body was hunched over the table from where she sat until she heard you coming out of the spare room. 

You shouldered your backpack, heading to the fridge to grab a water bottle. 

Alexia stood there patiently, extending the freshly brewed cup to you as a peace offering. Her whole body relaxed as you grabbed it from her and took a sip. 

"Can we talk now?" she asked, almost afraid of your answer. 

A part of you was ready to skip practice and say yes. You had a lot of time to think yesterday and last night. And you thought you were going to be ready, but when you finally saw her face, you knew you needed a little more time. 

"I have to get to training,” you responded, but immediately jumped in at her frown, “but after?"

She nodded sadly. 

Not wanting her too down on herself, one hand tilted her chin up until she was looking at the soft smile on your face. "Thank you for my coffee," you pressed a kiss to the side of her head before walking out. 

The gesture had its desired effect as Alexia felt a sense of hope. It made her feel a little lighter, but the feeling was short-lived as a wave of anxiety flooded through her. She was now afraid of messing things up again. 

After practice you were exhausted, but you were determined to keep your word to Alexia. So, you trudged your way into the apartment, dropping your bag by the couch, and heading to your shared bedroom. You leant against the doorframe watching as Alexia fidgeted on the bed. 

Knocking quietly, you get her attention. “Can I come in?”

Alexia nodded quickly, gesturing to the bed, which you took her up on. You sat in front of her, a good distance between the two of you, much more than there usually would be. 

The silence was nearly unbearable. This wasn’t normal, and neither of you knew what to do or where to start. 

“Where did you go last night?” she asked you, her voice barely above a whisper as she played with the bottom of her shirt. 

“I was at Eli’s,” you admitted, really hoping she wasn’t upset at that. While you were close with her family, you never wanted to feel like you were overstepping a boundary. 

“My mama?”

“Yeah, uh, is that okay?” you were nervous about her answer. 

It never occurred to Alexia to ask her mom if she had heard from you. Alba, maybe, but not her mother. It didn’t bother her. It was more of a surprise. Deep down, she actually loved that you sought out her mother for comfort. It meant you saw her family as your own, which she always believed but it was nice to be reminded of.

“Why didn’t you tell me you went there?”

Her voice wasn’t accusing, but rubbed you the wrong way, “I just needed a minute away.”

“From me?”

“I don’t want to fight, Ale,” you groaned, your head falling into your hands. 

“I’m not trying to fight, mi amor,” she reached out to grab your hands, “I want to know.”

You sighed. You never intended to end up at Eli’s house, but when you did, the older woman had welcomed you with open arms. She had validated your feelings of frustration and hurt, and also expressed her disappointment in her daughter. 

Throughout it all, she also managed to come off neutral, which made you feel safe to vent. Aside from maybe you and Alba, this woman probably knew you best, so she knew that her daughter couldn’t have been the easiest to deal with.

After your venting session, Eli had made sure you knew how much she appreciated everything you had been doing for her daughter. She made you feel valued and seen, and it was exactly what you needed. 

“I needed someone to help me out of my head. Eli let me be me. I didn’t have to hide,” you confessed. 

Alexia took a moment to ponder what you had just said. There was a lot said in what wasn’t said, and she picked up on it. 

“I know I have been terrible to you,” she started to say, her words slow as if carefully chosen and thought out, “but I want to fix that. You’ve been so worried about me, that there hasn’t been any time for us to focus on you.”

“It’s okay,” you said, your initial reaction to avoid conflict jumping in. 

“No, it’s not okay. I’m really sorry, mi amor,” her tone was genuine, “for everything. For how I have been acting, for what I said last night. I didn’t mean it.”

“What you said hurt a lot,” you admitted, pulling your hands away. 

“I know, I know. And I’m sorry. I said things I knew would hurt you because I was hurting and angry with myself, and you didn’t deserve that,” she said, scooting closer until your legs were touching, but keeping her hands to herself. “You have always been one of the best people I know, and the U.S. national team would be lucky to have you.”

“Really?” you hated how much doubt had been plaguing your mind around your national career. 

“Of course. Like I’ve always said, you will always be one of the best in my books,” Alexia took a risk as a hand went up to your face, cupping your cheek gently, “If the U.S. can’t see and appreciate your talent, then they are stupid and it’s their loss. Like I have been these last few weeks.”

“Thank you for saying that,” you said, slightly leaning into her touch.

“I mean it. I am so lucky to have you, and I will never take you for granted again. You are the love of my life,” Alexia said, her heart on her sleeve and her eyes boring into yours, “and I am going to remind you of this whenever I can.”

You nodded your head in acknowledgement. 

“Will you take a nap with me?” you asked, letting her know that for now while things were not forgotten, she was forgiven. 

Alexia answered by immediately falling into your open arms with so much relief. 

“Te amo, mi amor,” Alexia stated, tilting her head up just enough to press soft, but reassuring kiss onto your awaiting lips. “Por siempre y para siempre.”

Even though there was still a lot of making up to do, both of you felt better at finally addressing the issue. There would always be ups and downs in your relationship, but you were both in it for the long haul. Together, you were two were stronger, and you would continue to walk in life next to one another, hand in hand.

[twistedmusings]

What Are You Writing?

A/N: JOKES ON YOU GUYS, I'M AN OBEY ME WRITERS BLOG NOW. Nah not really, I mean maybe I might start thinking about making one in the future but I see all these awesome writers in that fandom and I get i n t i m i d a t e d. Nevertheless, I did want to pull a harmless prank on my readers so...enjoy a labor of love and possible regret as I now have to work on other requests ó uò

How would the brothers act with a Writer MC?

-He almost jumps when you walk into the room, practically shouting his name as you go to stand next to his desk and take a peek at what he is working on.

“Can I help you? “You certainly can.”

-You place a notebook next to his stack of paperwork and take a pen out, opening it up to a blank page before staring at him and building up your courage to ask the next question.

“What would you do if I suddenly asked you to be my fake boyfriend for a day?”

-You certainly were keeping up with your role in being the one human he isn’t able to pin down, huh?

-He asks what in the world you are talking about and you squat near him so that you can explain what you were doing. RAD proved to be a lot more stressful than you thought and you didn’t need to remind him that you were playing therapist to seven demons so you needed some sort of break.

-You tell him that in the human world you had a habit of writing ideas, snippets and even random bits of dialogue when you got stressed so you had asked Satan to lend you a notebook and a pen so you could unwind but you had gotten stuck in one scene.

-The character you were writing was loosely based on Lucifer so you decided why not ask him what he would do in order to get some inspiration!

“So here I am! I don’t need an entire synopsis I just want to know because maybe that will spark something inside of me.”

-Pen to paper, you look up at Lucifer ready to write anything down and even though you were looking him straight in the eye you were not paying attention to just how hard Lucifer was staring at you.

-You really had no idea how he felt about you, did you?

-Even with the pact making, the Hellfire Newt Syrup incident, the countless of times he had tried to flirt with you to the point that anyone without eyes could tell how he felt about you, your human brain did not seem to accept the fact that the eldest of the seven demon lords had fallen for you.

-Was this just another way of torturing him? Who would have thought that you would be such a cruel master?

-If only he wasn’t bound to you by the pact. Not that he regretted it but without the pact the ‘need’ to submit to you wasn’t as strong, all he would have to do is grab your chin, turn your face towards his so that he could tell you explicitly what was going through his head every time he saw you--

“...I would walk you to class, first and foremost. We would leave the House of Lamentation together and arrive together as well. Maybe some impromptu dates. Free tutoring as well.” “That’s tempting~ Would you let me hang around in your study?” “You are already welcome to do that.” “Aw, when did you get so soft?”

-Get the hint already!

-Your hand is scribbling down every idea he says, making quips here and there as you both talk extensively about your fake dates would play out. The idea of having you all to himself without his brothers around was already so tempting yet here you were talking about it like it was just a passing thought.

-That wouldn’t do.

-He grabs the top of your pen and smiles when you look up at him in confusion.

“At end of the day, I want to make you feel like the most important person in my world. I don’t want there to be a single doubt in your mind that you belong with me. Pact or no pact, you changed me in ways I couldn’t even fathom, MC, and I am doing everything in my power so that you will see just how important you are to me.”

-Your eyes are staring up at him, wide and with surprise as he dares to cup your cheek.

-He did it. He had gotten through to you! All he had to do was lean in and--!

“Can you repeat that one more time?! Oh my god Luci that was so good! I’m showing this to Satan when I’m done! Thank you so much!”

-Lucifer’s hand drops to his lap as he watches you pick yourself up and run out of his study, his fist clenching in his hand as he thought of just how blind you could be for not seeing what he had tried to convey with those cliched words! Of all the humans--!

-He stops as he hears your giggles outside of the hallway, unclenching his fist and sighing as he tries to look at the positives.

-There had been a flush on your cheeks, of that he was sure. Which meant that in some way...his words had made an impact. He hoped it would take just a few more cheesy lines for you to fall for him.

”Mammon!!!!”

-From the top of his head to the tip of his toes, Mammon could feel himself shiver as you called out his name. Ever since he made that pact the way you would call out his name would send a pleasant shiver down his spine as he turned to greet you.

-Levi told him that you had been looking for him and he had practiced his greeting at least five times to make him look as cool as possible.

“Yo MC! I heard you were looking for the Great Mammon!”

-See? Wasn’t he cool?

-The brothers watched as you didn’t even greet Mammon, you just grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the living room telling everybody that you needed to talk to him privately.

-Privately? As in you two alone? Together?

-Well of course you wanted to talk to him alone! His awesome ways had probably finally gotten through to you and you were about to confess to him. Suck on THAT Lucifer!

-You push him into your room before closing the door and turning to look at him.

“I have something I need to ask you. Do you think you can help?”

-The words escape him before he even thinks them.

“Anything.”

“I want to go out with you. Tonight. Almost like a pretend date.”

-Fireworks go off inside his head as he feels tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. This was real, you were asking him out! You had picked him out of all his brothers despite how many messes he got you in and how much trouble tended to follow him--

-Wait, pretend?

-You proceed to show off your little book of writings, explaining to him that you had gotten stuck in trying to describe a hidden date between the protagonist and the love interest.

“They are trying to hide the fact they are dating from everybody so that they won’t get in trouble. I figured that a human and a demon going on a date is already somewhat of stigma as it is so I just want to see how it feels so I can describe it better.”

-He can’t really describe the sadness that he feels when you tell him it would all be pretend. Too much for dropping Grimm on wishing wells. He was going to go back and fish them all out tomorrow. What a letdown!

-Here he was, the GREAT Mammon letting a human toy with his heart like this!

“You won’t get in too much trouble if we do this...right?”

-The worry in your voice is what makes him look into your eyes. Your hand was on his as you looked for any signs of discomfort from the Avatar of Greed. Your eyes were entirely on him.

-Mammon’s subconscious: More of that please.

-You looked so worried for his well-being. Mammon had no idea who had told you that humans and demons were not allowed to date but they had clearly lied to you. There was no stigma whatsoever. And in retrospect he should reveal that to you now so that there would be no misinformation on how much he wanted to take you on a not pretend date.

-But all your attention was on him. Your body was facing his way, your hands on his as you licked your lips nervously. More, more, more, more he needed for you to look at him more--!

“Tch. Making such a complicated request. You could really get me in trouble for this, MC!” “You’re right, I shouldn’t push it--” “But I guess if you are asking me, I could spare a couple hours...for you.”

-You both share a smile as you hug him close, his arms wrapping around you tight as he tries to keep his smile from breaking out into full blown giggles.

-This worked out for him as well! He was going to give you the best date of your human life so you would have no choice but to fall for him! You better get ready!

-You wrote some fiction, he wrote TSL fanfiction, Levi was probably already aware of your talent once he asked to beta one of his other works and you came back not just with some beta but with some actual USEFUL feedback unlike Satan going on about his spelling mistakes. -So you are already in his room when you ask for his help, grinning as you hold up the small ideas that you had written for your proper introduction into the TSL fandom.

“I want to write an AU about Henry and the Lord of Shadows in an arranged marriage!”

-The premise was simple. You wanted to write about the Lord of Shadows and his Henry having to marry each other in order to bring peace to both of their kingdoms. The marriage proposition was sudden and each of the seven brothers was against it but you wanted to show just how much Henry was willing to sacrifice to help the people who he cared about the most.

-And you loved drama like this.

-You hold up your book as you keep ranting to Levi, the other caught up in your plot as he closed his eyes in order to better imagine it.

“And I want a moment where the Lord of Shadows tells Henry that he doesn’t have to do this. That he wants him to be happy and doesn’t want him to be stuck with a reclusive Lord for all his life.”

-Of course, of course. The Lord of Shadows had always hoped for Henry’s happiness and he had also sacrificed a great many of his previous ways in order to gain his best friend’s praise! Levi was proud, you understood these characters so well! So he pipes in with his own thoughts.

“I bet Henry turns to him and asks why he is so against the idea! It would push the Lord of Shadows to confess that he has secretly longed for Henry’s affection and attention all this time!”

-You both grin before you stand up, putting on a fake sad face as you take Levi’s hand in yours before pressing them to your chest.

“Am I not worthy to be your spouse? Do you hate the idea of marrying me that much?”

-Levi is caught up in the moment that he doesn’t even notice how close you two are, instead moving even closer as he cupped your cheek.

“You? Not worthy? It is I who is not worthy of you. After all you have done...can I be selfish enough to call you mine?”

-Oh this was practically writing itself! You really hoped that Levi remembered some of these lines. You pull away from his touch dramatically before sighing as you decide that this scene would be a good catalyst moment for a confession.

“Have you ever thought of me that way? More than what we have now? I’m embarrassed to admit it but...I have on many occasions longed for something more.”

-Levi’s expression softens in a way you haven’t seen before, keeping a hold on your hands as he follows up with you seamlessly.

“If I told you about my fantasies...about the deep need I feel to keep you away from prying eyes and hoping that yours would remain on me despite the others who so badly wish for your hand. Would you still see me in such high regard?”

-Shit he was good. The prying eyes bit was perfect! Now to end it with a bang! You feel Levi pull you by your waist so you are pressed against his chest, eyes looking down at you as if begging for your reply. So you do what you have read in many other books and take his face in your hands.

“Keep me. Forever.”

-You both stay that way for a few seconds before you pull away and let out a giddy squeal, rushing over to your book and writing down the lines that you could remember, gushing about how Levi had just given you the best ending ever.

-What you didn’t see was the poor demon standing there, arms still pretending to hold someone as the spell broke for him slowly. He needed to process just what the hell just happened.

-He had held your hands, touched you, had you close enough that he could feel you against him and you hadn’t even moved away! Levi could still see how warm your hands were on his cheeks and the words that you had said to him were now slowly coming back to him as he remembered his embarrassing replies!

-You jump and turn when you hear a clatter behind you, turning around to see that Levi had fainted and was now slumped against one of his many manga bookshelves, face all red and a dopey smile on his lips as he repeated your words over and over.

-If you had a writing buddy in Levi, then you got a plot bunny buddy with Satan.

-With the amount of books that he has read and the number of genres he is into, you are surprised that he finds your ideas mildly interesting. They were all just cliches and purely for your enjoyment so when he asked you if he could read some of what you had written you were too shocked to notice that he had already taken the book from your backpack.

“A love story...interesting.”

-You two were in the library, looking for a certain book about black magic casting as well as some examples of ritual circles that you needed to complete for your next assignment. Or rather you were looking for the books, he was just following close behind you as he read your latest entry.

“How are you stuck in this scene?” “Huh?” “How the main character meets the second love interest. It’s pretty obvious.”

-Well excuse you for having writer’s block. You know that he was trying to be helpful but his help always came with some sort of sarcastic twinge that, while endearing during some situations, was incredibly annoying when he was criticizing your writings. You turn back to look at him as you stop at the spot the book was supposed to be in.

“I haven’t necessarily fallen in love with anyone lately, you know! It’s too specific a feeling!”

-Satan’s eyes take in the way you tip-toe to try and reach the book, cursing under your breath as you struggled to get it from the highest shelf. Devildom libraries were notoriously famous for having ridiculously large bookshelves and only a ghost attendant would be able to help you. He looks down at your book and then back at the small scene before smiling as he snaps the book shut.

-Surely a bit of inspiration is all you needed, correct?

-You feel a hand on your lower back, another brushing the hand reaching out for the book and grabbing it for you. Satan smiles as he holds out the book to you.

“Black magic casting...and you needed something about ritual circles, right? It seems the perfect book is right next to you.”

-He ‘accidentally’ brushes your cheek when reaching out for the book behind you, humming for a moment before he puts it back and looks down at you without moving his arm out of the way. Satan had just effectively trapped you in a rather flawlessly executed Kabedon.

“...Satan...the book…” “It wasn’t the right one. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to get you in this position.”

-Your eyes were shining, the book was pressed right against your chest, he could even see the small blush adorning your face as the situation became quite clear to you. Now he wouldn’t tell you that he had practiced this sort of scenario by himself in his room just in case you ever asked him for help finding a book, better for you to believe that this had all been just a ‘happy’ accident.

“You are looking at me so seriously, MC.” “I know what you are doing.”

-He dares to move closer, his shadow casting over you as if to hide you from prying eyes. If you made the first move, there would be no one stopping him.

“Yeah?” “This would be perfect! A library setting! Gives me a chance to make the character like a cool librarian type!”

-Satan stays silent as you grab the books you need and snatch your notebook from his hand, stating that you were going to check these out immediately and then head home. He turns back to look at the place you were just standing at, the place where you had been completely at his mercy.

-Dammit, he should have blocked the other side too.

-Asmo was ecstatic when you asked him for his book collection.

-It annoyed him to no end when people thought that the only way he consumed his erotica was through personal experience and porn. In his opinion, after personal experience, the best way to enjoy his usual favourite activity was reading erotica. The descriptions, to get into the thoughts of the inner characters and seeing how they essentially lose their minds to the pleasure. It was thrilling.

-So when you come knocking at his door one night and ask for one of the books you usually catch him reading, he is both excited and curious.

“Which one do you want darling? I have the first volume of ‘Eternal Dom Love’, ‘Baring My Soul to a Demon’, ‘Captive Human’--” “You have anything like...with dirty talk?

-Oh now he is really excited and curious.

-He looks around his small library and pulls out the book he thinks is best for what you desired, holding it out for you to take but pulling it back quickly with a grin. Asmo wasn’t going to just let you walk away after telling him something so interesting~

“I’m a bit possessive about my books, MC~ What are you going to use it for? Recreational reasons?”

-You blush and cover your face with your hands, not really embarrassed for asking but instead embarrassed that you were about to tell him what you were going to do with it. But you steel yourself, you had heard Asmo flirt in the club before and from how quickly his dates had insisted on taking it to a more ‘private’ area, you knew he had the thing that you desperately needed.

“I…” “Yes?” “I’m-trying-to-write-the-prelude-to-a-sex-scene-in-one-of-my-stories-but-I-have-no-idea where-to-start-so-I-need-material!”

-Asmo blinks before grinning as he got in your face, pushing the book into your hands as he asked you what the story was about, who were the characters, had you based them off of anybody and just what kind of sex scene where you planning?

-He had no idea you had that kind of talent, where had you been hiding that all this time?

-You slowly explain the plot to him, getting a bit more into it as you see how much attention Asmo is paying to your every word. Out of all of the brothers you didn’t expect him to be so interested in one of your stories! The scene you have in mind is somewhat clear to you so you try to explain to him just what you think is missing.

“It is a demon and a human. They are clearly not supposed to be doing this. Yet that is--” “What makes it all the more appealing.”

-Asmo had played this out perfectly given the little time he had to work with. The more you talked, the closer he got to you. The closer he got, the more you moved away subconsciously. Your body instinctively wanted to make room for him and give him his space but you let out a small ‘meep’ when the back of your knees hit the side of his hanging chair and you find yourself sitting down as he kneels in front of you.

“They both know that if they take such a intimate step with one another they might not be able to go back to how they used to be before. Everything will change.”

-You nod as Asmo touches your leg, hand moving towards your thigh as he rests his chin on your knees.

“But what is so wrong with change? You said the demon is a charmer so they would want to charm them throughout the whole thing. It would start out slow, teasing even, probably testing out the waters as they see what their human likes and doesn’t like."

-He scoots closer and traces your fingers, the digits wrapped tightly around his book as he continues..

“They would eventually lose control, wouldn’t they? The passion would be too much for them to handle and they both would lose themselves to their lust. Although it wouldn’t be just lust…”

-Asmo looks up to meet your eyes, straightening out as he leans in closer to the point that you are shutting your eyes and leaning in as well--it’s not that you haven’t had experience with kisses but surely the demon of lust’s kiss would spark something inside your head--!

-You open your eyes when you feel the book leaving your hands.

“I changed my mind. I think this would be a much better title for what you are looking for, Sweetie.”

-He holds out your hand for you to stand up and you almost want to ask Solomon to cast some sort of spell that would make you forget everything that happened in these moments. You closed your eyes like some highschooler waiting for their first kiss--you were better than that!

-You thank him and make your way out of his room, running back to yours as fast as you can without noticing Asmo’s mischievous smile as he waved goodbye. It was always good to play the long game~

-You two had stopped at Madame’s Scream because Beel had complained about being hungry yet again. Besides you both had done rather well on an examination so--why not celebrate?

-You only had a small fizzy drink while Beel had ordered himself something called ‘The Herculean Parfait’, something about it holding 25 scoops of ice cream plus whip cream, nuts and some waffle cones at the bottom. Now the waiter had brought out two spoons but it was clear that Beel would only be needing one.

-This was rather normal for you two, Beel eating his fill while you stared at the blank page of your small notebook. You were trying to write a cute scene with a couple sharing a dessert at a coffee shop where they first met but you were struggling to think of a fluffy scenario.

-Was feeding your partner considered cheesy nowadays? You tap your page twice before looking at Beel. The second spoon remained untouched, some ice cream specks stuck to the shiny, concave surface as the Demon of Gluttony continued his ice cream carnage. You grab the spoon and take some from the side that had yet to be eaten.

“Hey Beel”

-The demon stops eating and looks at you as you hold out the spoon to him, his hunger suddenly stopping as he looks at the sugary contents stacked high on the spoon you were holding out for him.

“Say aah!”

-Beel blinks but doesn’t think twice the moment you give him the command, opening his mouth and eating the sugary confection off the spoon, his smile growing as you let out a small giggle.

“Did it taste good?" “Mmm~!" “I’m glad.”

-He abandoned his own spoon as you scooped up some more, opening his mouth as you kept on feeding him. Beel had no idea what had brought this on or why you were suddenly feeding him. It wasn’t like he was complaining, however. Yes your pace was slow and such a giant parfait would surely melt with how slow you were going but he didn’t care, instead opening his mouth wide as you kept on feeding him.

“So Beel…” “Mmm?" “Does it feel any different when I feed you?”

-Beel frowns when the spoon stops but decides to answer your question so that he could go back to eating. Why would it feel any different? Well, it somewhat did? He didn’t know how to describe it but he does feel a lot fuller than before. He is actually tasting the food as you take your time scooping up some more. He had picked out so many different flavors and he could taste almost every single one.

“I wouldn’t say different...but food certainly tastes better when you give it to me.”

-You immediately stop and put the spoon down, smiling as you start to writing down what Beel had just said. You could essentially build an entire scene around that! What a good idea coming here--

“MC?”

-Your pen stops as you look at Beel, your pen falling from your hands as you see the puppy dog look he was giving you. He looks at your hand and then at the spoon.

“Why did you stop?”

-Beel smiles happily as you go right back to what you were doing, the notebook forgotten as you continue to spoil your demon. You had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time you were doing this.

-Belphie yawned as he cuddled you closer, your hands moving so they would be wrapped around his neck but still holding onto your phone. He closes his eyes and tries to drift off but frowns when he hears your fingers tapping on your screen. He could probably sleep through the sound but he didn’t want to.

“Turn around.” “Huh?” “Just turn around.”

-You do as he says, now pressed against his chest as you continue to type. Belphegor was close to falling asleep, pressing his nose against your shoulder as he breathes you in---

Tap tap tap tap

“Fuck this.”

-He grabs your phone and drops it off the bed, your protests being muffled as he wraps his arms around your neck to pull you close. You tap his arms twice before wiggling out of his hold, sitting up on the bed and looking at him while he glared back at you.

-What did you think you were doing typing away on your phone? Belphegor never really asked you for much but when it was cuddle time it was cuddle time. You weren’t supposed to do anything *but* cuddle during cuddle time so you clearly needed to stop being distracted.

“What do you think you are doing?” “Taking care of your distraction.”

-You both stare at each other as he sits up as well, clearly letting you know that if you were to go and dig for your phone he wasn’t going to let you. At this point, it really was useless to argue with Belphegor. As the youngest, he was used to getting what he wanted with little setback. So you lay back down, ignoring the triumphant smile Belphegor gave you as he went right back to cuddling you.

“I was writing something.” “It can wait till later…”

-Belphegor yawns and wraps his leg around you, ignoring the little ‘hmphs’ you were giving him as well as the words you were muttering to yourself. But what good would it be if you weren’t cuddling up to him as well so he decided to give in as well.

“What were you writing about?”

-Oh this was new. You turn to face him, talking about the scene you were working on. This couple had just had an exhausting day and they were eager to lay in bed together but their work or other responsibilities were keeping them from cuddling at night. You explained how you wanted to describe the exhaustion one was feeling from not having their partner with them.

-The demon of Sloth hummed when you mentioned how tired the character was and speaking up about how he knew how they felt. You chuckle and mention that it seemed that everything made Belphegor exhausted nowadays. He shakes his head, opening his eyes so he could look at you.

“No. I mean that everything gets heavier when you’re not with me.”

-You try to cut it in and ask him what he is talking about but he beats you to it.

“I get more energy when you are around. I actually want to do things aside from sleeping. “Are you saying you like hanging out with me more than sleeping?” “Don’t push it, MC.”

-Both of you laugh, your body cuddling closer to the demon as you yawn. A part of you was still annoyed that Belphegor had shoved your phone to the floor because now would have been a prime time to write that he had just said but as your eyes grew heavier you just hoped that you would remember it by the time you woke up.

-Belphegor opens his eyes once he feels your breathing evening out, smiling as he leans in close and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“You weren’t far off...I do like you more than sleeping...sometimes…”

-He yawns and wraps an arm around your waist. What a good idea it was to lock the door so none of his brothers would bother you two. Your nights were his, after all.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter nineteen - “tomorrow”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.8k

synopsis: reader is faced with a very distressing ultimatum and has to deal with the consequences.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

authors note: omg pls listen to “water under the bridge” by adele after reading this it’s fits so well

Muted. She felt muted - but not necessarily in a bad way. Everything in her was dialed down and dulled. Over the last couple days, Y/N had toned down her emotions, feeling less. Call it a coping skill. Call it a stress response. Whatever. It wasn't like she was sad about it. In a way, in was comforting - not having some overwhelming internal angst.

It had been a week since that fight she and Bucky got into. The mature part of her was telling her to find him and talk it out like the adults they were. But here's the thing. Over time, before they even had the fight, the number of therapy sessions they were having was less frequent as his treatment was improving. The sessions were more intermittent now, and there wasn't one scheduled for a while. Until then, she felt no desire to talk to him.

Was she mad? Sad? She wasn't sure. She just avoided thinking of things that caused her a considerable amount of distress. At this particular moment in time, Bucky was one of those things. Ergo, she made a constant effort to ignore all thoughts of him.

Though, she somehow couldn't entirely ignore the ever present lack of... Bucky. She had gotten so used to having him close by, used to having someone to talk to, laugh with. His proximity had become a constant. A comfort. She refused to admit to herself that silence didn't feel like silence anymore; it just felt like the absence of his voice.

She found she needed to keep herself busy.

Bucky handled it a bit differently. He had lots of intense emotions but he didn't mute them, per say. He didn't ignore them. He felt them, he definitely felt them. He just kept them bottled up inside and talked about it to no one. It was a very strange change of routine. Whenever he had some sort of emotional turmoil, he would always go to her - therapy session or not - to vent, rant, ask for advice, or just talk through a stream of consciousness. Now he just had to sit with it.

He spent most of his time alone. He missed her.

-

"Hey Shuri," Y/N greeted as she entered the princess' lab.

"Hello," Shuri smiled. "Come sit."

This wasn't a routine visit. Shuri mentioned wanting to talk about something else this time. Something important. She was reminded of this when she walked in to find two Doras sitting with Shuri at a lab table.

"So," Shuri started, "The trigger word experiment. We're here to discuss safety and security."

Shit. That awful thing. It had slipped her mind these past couple days.

"Alright. What are we thinkin'?"

"Well, the Doras don't think it would be necessary to have two of them there with you, but if you would feel safer with two, then that's fine as well."

"I think one is fine. I trust your judgment," Y/N nodded to the Doras.

And I'm not afraid of Bucky, she thought but didn't say.

"We also have a special location to run the experiment," one of the Doras, Ayo, added. "Away from people and secluded in the case of an emergency."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"We understand Barnes is now equipped with the vibranium arm, yes?" Shuri asked.

"Yes, he is."

"Then you need to know something for the experiment."

Y/N's brows furrowed, confused. Was she missing something?

"There's sort of a fail safe built into the arm," Shuri began.

Fail safe?

"There are a series of pressure points when, if hit correctly, will disengage the arm. It will just drop to the ground. So if anything were to happen-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

The expression on Shuri's face changed immediately when she heard her partner's tone. Y/N looked bewildered and almost in disbelief.

"It's there as a precaution in case Barnes needs to be put in check."

Suddenly, every emotion she had been "muting" rushed back into her head. Every feeling for Bucky returned, as well as her compulsion to protect him.

"Building that into the arm shows a complete lack of trust."

"You know what HYDRA did. It's unpredictable, and I'm sorry but we just can't be sure."

"We need to be careful with this so it doesn't blow up in our faces," Ayo said.

"I understand having that precaution for this test, I do. But it isn't just this test. Given it was successful and everything worked out, he was supposed to keep the arm. Right?"

"Right."

"So we fix the HYDRA programming and he's free, but leave the 'fail safe' in so after all of this, he still has someone in control of him."

"The arm is a gift," Ayo stated. "He should be happy he has it at all."

"I understand that, and believe me, he is so grateful. But a gift is for someone else to keep and use as their own. How are we supposed to help him and work with him for months, building trust and aiding him in healing to just tarnish all of that with deception?"

"It's what's best for the protection of all."

"Even after the experiment if it's successful?" Y/N cried in disbelief. "I should say when it's successful. Shuri, I've been seeing his progress for months and working with you on his neurobiology data. Can't you tell how much skill has been put into this? It's us. It's going to work."

"Even still."

"I can't stand for that. I would understand if it was just for this test, but after? We haven't come this far just to not trust our own work and Bucky's deprogramming. He deserves to have someone on his side."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but it's already been done. The arm is already built and being used."

"This is the plan," Ayo declared. "Either you are on board, or you are free to leave Wakanda. We can fly you out as soon as tomorrow morning."

"I can't knowingly be a part of this. It's wrong."

"As I said. Free to leave."

She refused to be a willing participant in perpetuating the loss of Bucky's autonomy. He's been through enough, had enough taken from him. She would not play a single role in taking more away.

"I guess I have to go then," she said, standing from her chair.

She couldn't believe the words coming from her own mouth.

Shuri sighed. "That's very unfortunate, my partner. I'm sorry we couldn't agree on this."

"I am, too. But please. Please consider what this will do to him. It's like saying 'even though we've all been working with you, we don't actually believe that you're not still a weapon.' What is he supposed to think of that?"

"Barnes isn't going to have to think anything about it..."

"...because he isn't going to know," Ayo finished the thought.

"No..."

"It's the way it has to be."

"No it's not."

"Y/N..."

She took a couple steps back, preparing to leave the room. "No, I'm sorry. I can't. He needs to know. I'm going to have to tell him."

"I'd advise against it if you care about your job," called an unfamiliar voice.

Y/N turned to the other Dora, whom she didn't know.

"What?"

"What would your employers think if they knew their doctor had certain... inappropriate relations with a patient? And a very infamous one at that."

She froze, face burning. Her stomach dropped and her breathing stopped dead.

Did they-? Who else-? How did they-? What did they-?

She couldn't form a single coherent thought.

"You are more than free to leave quietly, without any worries" said the Dora, "but if Barnes knows about this, you can be sure that the rest of the world will know about you and your... relations."

It was then when she could feel almost every piece of her world come crashing down. She could feel every test she took, every research project she was a part of, every hour she spent studying for the career that took years to build. The thing she was most proud in this world, the part of herself she most loved. She felt the job she loved and all the things she had learned and accomplished begin to crumble around her.

This career... it was her life. It was her passion. It was all she had. Now she was in immediate danger of losing it. All she could process was fear; she shut down.

Finally, she managed words.

"Okay," she conceded, her defeated voice barely above a whisper. "I'll go... quietly. I'm sorry."

With that, she turned around and took the remaining steps out of the now silent room.

- - -

When she was in the hallway, she felt like she was dying. The guilt was overwhelming. How could she betray him like this? She tried to fight for Bucky to get the truth and now she has to hide it from him and leave him. She has to lie to him.

Y/N was still in shock, completely immersed in her own fear. It felt as if she wasn't in her body. She knew she was moving - walking down the hallway. But her body was just on autopilot; she was gone.

She couldn't tell if she was crying but she could feel a twinging in her eyes and a burning in her nose. She was also hardly breathing so if she was crying, it was nearly silent.

In a faraway echo, she thought she heard her own footsteps. She wasn't sure where they were taking her, but she wasn't sure if she cared.

-

She walked, and she kept on walking for a long time. She could feel the ache in her feet once she sat down in front of the water. She hadn't planned to go to the waterfall - that waterfall... their waterfall. It just sort of happened. Perhaps it was a long enough distance away to feel safe.

She finally let herself think for a moment.

What the fuck had just happened? Her exact fears had come to be. Somehow, someone saw or figured out her and Bucky. It felt worse than she thought it would. Exposed. Embarrassed. Guilty. Humiliated. Distressed.

It was numbing. So numbing that she stared at the little pool and let the white noise of the waterfall clog her ears until she was able to lose track of time.

She had no idea how long it had been when he approached her.

"Y/N!" Bucky's voice called as he jogged over after catching sight of her. "I've been looking for you! Can we please talk?"

His voice snapped her out of it, but her gaze remained fixed on the water in front of her. She wasn't sure what to do, how to engage with him; she froze.

When she didn't even turn her head, Bucky guessed she was still upset with him. He didn't want to be a bother, but he needed to talk to her. He sat down right next to her.

"Okay..." he started, carefully. "I know things aren't great between us right now, but-"

She turned her head to him and the words died in his throat when he saw her face: bloodshot, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He forgot whatever he was going to say, cupping both sides of her face.

"Oh my god, what happened!? A-Are you alright?"

The cool metal of his hand on her cheek made her want to scream, reminding her of what she could not tell him. Reminding her of the searing guilt. Trembling hands reached up to touch his arms. And then he saw the quiver in her lip.

"Oh, honey," he cooed, worried. "Hey... Hey, talk to me. Talk to me, what's wrong?"

He was so concerned and so sweet even after they had a huge blowout. If possible, it made her feel even worse. She didn't deserve his kindness anymore. She just stared into him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

Bucky had never seen her like this and he was scared. Was it because of him and their fight? He supposed so. What else could it have been?

"I'm so sorry, please don't cry," he caressed the back of her head with one hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said, I was just mad. You were right. I feel awful, I had no idea it upset you this much."

Their fight was the very last thing on her mind. Looking back on it, it seemed like such a trivial thing compared to now. But he thought this was his fault. She wanted to break into a million tiny pieces and let the wind blow her away.

She shook her head. "Bucky, no. It's not that. It's not you."

He looked so confused. She felt so bad.

"Then what... what's wrong?"

"I'm leaving."

Bucky leaned back, perplexed, and his hands slid down to rest on her forearms. "Leaving? You're leaving Wakanda?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, hey- You don't have to leave. We can figure something out. We were too risky, you were right. I understand that now. We don't have to do that anymore. We can make sure that we're always completely in private from here on out."

She shook her head, staring down at the grass below her. "I'm sorry, I can't... I can't do that. I have to leave."

She could barely look him in the face.

"You don't, it's okay," he implored. "I know it worried you, but it really only was Steve. And I know, I know it could have been anyone and I get that. I thought about it, and I get it. We don't ever have to... sleep together... again. We won't be distracted, and-and we'll be careful."

She clenched her eyes shut, trying not to let her burning eyes release more tears. It didn't work.

"Bucky..."

"Baby doll please," his voice cracked while he tipped her chin up to meet her eyes again. "We can just-... we can just go back to the way it was before. In the very beginning. We can- we'll only see each other in sessions, we don't-... No more lake trips or all-nighters or anything just-"

He sharply inhaled, beginning to ramble as his breath became unsteady.

His voice shook just slightly. "You can barely even talk to me if you don't want to- just please don't go..."

She thought a part of her cracked and died at that moment. She sprung forward and held him as tight as she could. Instinctively one of Bucky's arms was around her back and the other cradled the back of her head.

She thought maybe if she held tight enough, she could keep them together and she wouldn't have to leave him there alone. Of course he would be fine, but he would spend the rest of his time feeling like it was his fault that she had gone.

She couldn't let him think this was his fault.

"Buck, I don't wanna leave you. But I have to do what's best for the both of us. You'll be just fine without me. I promise."

He didn't think so.

"I'm putting your treatment and my career in jeopardy if I stay," she continued. "I just don't want anything bad to happen to either of us. I'm sorry if you hate this and I'm sorry if you hate me for doing it."

He mumbled something in the crook of her neck, but she couldn't hear it. She pulled back from the embrace.

"What?"

"I could never hate you."

Despite the fact that she was so internally distraught, despite what happened with Shuri and the Doras, with having to tell Bucky she was going to leave him, with having to watch him beg her to stay, despite the extreme dread and guilt within her, she still looked at him and felt so much love.

She was doing the very thing he feared and all he could do was care for her.

"God, I'm gonna miss you," she breathed before grasping his jaw, and pulling his head to hers.

Bucky tasted salt and he couldn't tell if it was his or her tears mixing into their lips.

As much as he wanted her to stay, he could sense how serious she was about this. He wouldn't be able to convince her to stay even if he tried. And he already did.

He could only soak up as much of her as he could before she left, and be with her until she had to go. He had no idea how much time he had. Wait-

"When are you leaving?" he broke the kiss as soon as the thought arose.

She was silent for a moment when another tear dripped down her face. "Tomorrow."

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @small-death-and-codeine @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars @surrealpsycho @headheartbellarke @bubbly-moonwarrior @bluemoon-icecream @buckeyecreates @augustbucky @itsthemaree @undiadeestos

[katierosefun]

Hi! I've been religiously reading ur beyond evil fics and I've been wondering about your writing in general (kinda in awe of how much you write and how consistently good it is). Like, what are your favorite parts of the process? And do they differ whether you're writing fanfiction or original stuff? (I always find dialogue so hard to nail down and make it natural!) Ahh and I'm really curious whether you have a favorite fic you wrote. Also, have u ever posted smth about your og stuff? I'm intrigued by people's ocs (though I get sharing that can feel kinda personal). So yeah, sorry if I'm bothering you, I just love ranting about writing (oftentimes it's easier than actually writing😅).

aaah hello! thank you so much for shooting the message--i want you to first and foremost know that your comments always make me smile a lot, and i also love your fics, so . . . nice to meet u online!!! your words mean so so much to me :')

to answer your questions (which also made me feel really happy, btw, i decided to actually sit down and carve out some legit time to answer this): my favorite part of the writing process is probably when i finally feel like i've hit the character's head. which is to say, when i no longer actually feel like i'm writing as myself, but rather, i feel as though the characters themselves have taken over, and i'm just a mere observer/stenographer to their thoughts and conversations. it makes me feel as though i've just kind of given myself over to the characters struggling in my head, and it's a very freeing and satisfying feeling.

i suppose this feeling also applies when i'm writing original work as well as fanfiction. with original fiction, though, i think that feeling is oddly more . . . gratifying? because at least with fanfiction, i know the characters because i've spent hours and hours with them, usually by watching/reading content about them--but with original characters, i feel more like an awkward single parent/long lost aunt who's kinda. poking at these new kids. being like. who are you? also, stop hiding your personality from me. who are you, is this actually you, or am i just projecting too much of myself onto you? tell me who you are, goddammit! which is a much more personal journey, i think, especially when you're creating something that's original. so that ties a little bit into one of your other questions: i do have lots and lots of original characters. i have some who have been with me for just about seven years of my life now, while others are just a few weeks old, and yet they talk to me the most. my most recent set of original characters are probably the most vocal ones--they're very persistent, very down-to-earth and jabbery and loud, while my oldest original character tends to be very stubborn. i still don't know how to approach her--but whenever i do, she tends to put up a wall and go lmao, try again.

that said, i haven't ever actually posted an original work! i've been wondering if i should these days--i want to get published as a legitimate author one day, but you know . . . i think it would be nice if i got out smaller stories about my original characters out there, just for fun. i don't know where to do it yet though--i don't think wattpad is my speed, so i'll have to keep looking!

as for a favorite fic i've written! i think my favorite ones might be but you could make me a drink (or a latte), which is this coffeeshop jwds au. i had so much fun writing it, mostly because i think it's a) the first time i ever wrote a coffeeshop au and b) i think a lot of my beyond evil works can tend to touch sadder/bittersweet themes (just because the show is. like that.), so it felt very freeing to write something that was so . . . lighthearted. i'm also very proud of the dialogue in that one, and i also loved how i really pulled no punches in making fun of just how much of a loser joo won is. (world's grumpiest barista ever, indeed.)

tied for my favorite is probably also in my breath again, which is very different from the last named fic in that a) it’s set post-canon-ish and b) tackling with much darker, sadder themes. but i also am particularly proud of this fic because i think it’s one of the fics that probably gets at the core of the kind of messages i want to ultimately impart to readers, which are genuinely messages about how one can slowly recover from particularly sad periods of their lives. i think there’s a place for darker works in general--i think that they’re just as important, but i find that i can’t always write those kinds of things, or if i do, i tend to struggle a lot, or the characters themselves seem to rebel against me (which is perhaps why i love kim su jin as a writer so much). i like to think that all stories i write or all future stories i write will always contain that seed of i want to live, i want you to live, in whatever way that mean (changing out lightbulbs when they go out, buying groceries every weekend, kissing the hand of a person who’s been at your side). 

so i guess that kind of brushes back to a question on original fiction: i would love to share it with the world! i hope it brings people as much (joy’s not the right word) warmth (maybe? if i’m not being too presumptuous) as my fics. 

thank you again for the thoughtful questions! as you can tell, it’s also much easier for me to answer questions about writing rather than writing itself, askdfasdfsd--and thank you again for your incredibly kind words over the last few months, as well as the kind words that you’ve given today! :’))

[caffeine-and-melatonin]

✨Bad Batch E14 Spoilers✨

Sooooo I'm about to say a whole lot of not very polite words......

AHHHHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT Y'ALL AHHHHHHHHHH

Let's have a look at my brain melting during this episode (there's a lot oops):

- Commando armor? Slicked back hair? HOLY FUCK GREGOR OMG THE BOY!!!!! WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE THE BOY!!!!!! (wait hold up does this mean we might see Wolffe too? Not asking for a friend I'm asking for me)

- Eek this is giving me very much "Ahsoka being hunted by Trandoshans" vibes

- Hunter doing knife tricks....that's...well....AHHHHH

- Omg Omega trying to copy the little knife spins is so cute

- REX!!! HIM!!! MY FIRST LOVE!!! HE'S BACK AGAIN!!! YAY!!! Sweetheart that poncho is fantastic!

- Is he ok? IS REX OK??? WHY IS HE RUNNING???

- Here's the thing I love Gregor but like they were a bit too quick to go after him and they still haven't talked about Cross soooooo hmmm

- Ok I have a feeling we are gonna get some Echo character development in this episode. The way Echo looked at Hunter was what got him to cave in and agree to go rescue Gregor. He knows it's the right thing to do and it's so interesting to me that Echo seems to have the strongest sense of moral obligation (aside from Omega). I have a feeling like this might clash with Hunter being the leader and honestly I wanna see how they handle that as a team.

- Nothing would bring me more joy than to absolutely DECK Rampart on behalf of Cross, Howzer, and Eleni Syndulla

- speaking of cross....CROSS!!! YOU'RE HERE!!!

- Wait hold up are they leaving Kamino?

- Also what happens to all the cadets? Like they're little kids...I'm scared

- Ok imma have to go on a whole rant/info dump about Kaminoan history and society later so y'all have that to look forward to in the morning

- Awwww Echo talking about Rex makes me want to cry. He looks up to his older brother so much and it's honestly so sweet

- Hunter using his special abilities? Hunter using his special abilities!

- Omg its just gonna be Hunter, Tech, and Echo?! TECH AND ECHO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT???

- Look at those boys go! Climbing up a whole ass mountain while I look at a flight of stairs and go "ewww why"

-Ok is it just me or does the whole bottomless pit style base with a lot of red accents gives off Empire but make it First Order Aesthetic...? Just me?

- Tech's eyes are just so ✨p r e t t y✨. That's all.

- STORMTROOPERS? ALREADY?

- OMG ECHO BRINGING UP SKAKO MINOR! AND THEN TALKING ABOUT HOW IF SOMEONE IS BEING HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL THEY HAVE TO GET THEM OUT! DID YOU SEE HUNTER'S REACTION???? EVEN WITHOUT SEEING HIS FACE YOU KNOW HE'S GOTTA BE THINKING ABOUT CROSS!!! LOOK AT HIS BODY LANGUAGE!!! AHHHHHHH

- "i'm thinkin'." whispers Wrecker mindfully.

- I don't know what it is, but i just love this shot:

- Concept: into the spiderverse but it's just clones jumping off elevators and somehow gracefully free climbing on the walls

- Commando armor is just soooooo cool!!!! Like seriously! Also the TK trooper armor is....interesting

- AHHHHHH GREGOR'S LITTLE VOICE CRACKS!!! HE'S ADORABLE!!!

- "That's CAPTAIN traitor."

- Gregor really do be out here holding up the standard that you have to be a special kind of pretty to be a Captain in the GAR

- Also can we talk about how absolutely jacked Gregor's arms are? Like sir no wonder you aren't wearing any armor on your arms! How would fit! Damn dude

- I miss 99 so much

- Boys using stun rounds. No (intentional) unalives. Good for them.

- Echo and Tech working together and having each other's backs makes me beyond happy

- SASSY TECH AND SASSY GREGOR

- Tech really does yell in all lower case doesn't he?

- NO GREGOR! DAMMIT DAVE STOP SHOOTING THE BOY!

-When I tell you I thought Tech was gonna get shot too.... my god I don't think I would be able to handle that in any capacity

- SPOILER WARNING FOR REBELS: Gregor talking about surviving getting shot hurts me. This hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings a lot.

- Ok but Tech casually blowing up that air vent grate thing was hot. No I will not elaborate.

- also...ECHO FUCKING YEETED ALL THREE OF THEM AND THEN HIMSELF LIKE AT LEAST 10 FT IN THE AIR!

- Echo carrying Gregor through the air ducts reminds me so much of Rex carrying him on Sako Minor

- WAIT HOLY SHIT OMEGA IS FLYING THE SHIP BY HERSELF!!! LOOK AT HER GO!!! Tech has to be so proud of her. I just know he is.

- Gonky helping + increased theme music = ahhhhhhh yay!

- TECH BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING SEXY FLIGHT MANEUVERS!!!!!!! My stars I love that man. I'm speechless. It's like almost 4am and I legitimately screeched

- Tech: *flying like a badass* Gregor: bitch what are you doing this is not the time nor place for this shit

- FUCK NOOOOOOO HUNTER!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

- GONKY!!! AHHHHH

- How tf is Hunter still alive??? Like I'm not complaining but still

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT NOOOOO THIS IS NOT OK!!!!! OMEGA'S VOICE AND SHEER PANIC BREAKS MY HEART!!! TECH'S LOOK OF HOPELESSNESS!!!! AND HUNTER SOUNDING ABSOLUTELY DEFEATED!!!! FUCK I CAN'T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!

- Yo on top of all that Lama Su just got straight up unalived

-hunter in a jail cell......................CROSSHAIR

- Ok but until the very last second, that was the least scrunched up face I have ever seen Cross make. Like you too have lovely eyes it's a shame you're so grouchy all the time. ANYWAY thoughts on that face because my brain is very full rn

FINAL THOUGHTS

- I just love clones more than life itself. Look at the boys go. I love them. I wanna give them all hugs (in regards to Tech…I will not kiss and tell).

- Gregor has and always will be so precious. Love that quirky boy so much.

- WTF IS GOING ON WITH REX??????? I NEED ANSWERS!!!!!!!

- Echo played such a major role in this episode and honestly I'm so glad. I still think there is so much more room to grow his character, but at least it's something.

- Gonky being that bitch this episode 👑

- Not sure if you've noticed, but my soul is no longer attached to my physical form. Tech has it. Tech owns my soul. I am more than ok with this.

- The last 5 minutes really just did that didn't it? Like jeez bro that was a lot

- Cross? Breaks? Hunter? Out? And? They? Both? Escape? After? Having? An? Emotional? Reconciling? PLEASE???????????

Overall, while I did really like the Ryloth episodes, I honestly think this might be my new favorite episode.

The episode itself was well paced

The stakes felt rather high

Fantastic action

Echo played a main part in the storyline

Contributed to not only the plot of the show but added context for how Gregor and Rex meet up

Tech flying and looking hot while doing it...that's very important to the overall ranking

It was engaging and intense with one hell of a cliffhanger at the end

So yeah I really liked this episode! I'm super excited to see what happens next (omg there's only two episodes left oh no scary)!

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

Crows Headcanon: Celebrating Pride Month

If you'd rather read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 here's the link.

I have headcanoned Kaz as heteroromantic asexual (ace), Inej as biromantic demisexual (bi demi-ace), Wylan as homosexual (gay), Jesper as bisexual (bi), Nina as pansexual (pan) and Matthias as straight. (This is just what I see them as, not the only possiblity). Also I know that Pride month is long over, I wrote this in June, this is just the polished version.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 (the chapters aren't related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Today's the day. Jesper and Nina wake up first. They both get up in nearly identical ways, springing up out of bed, bursting with excitement. Jesper gently shakes Wylan awake, who doesn't need much encouragement to wake up because he's excited too (not as much as Jesper of course, no one could be that excited). Nina bustles about the room, getting ready, unintentionally waking Matthias up, who is a light sleeper (Soldiers have to be. While he knows he's not a soldier anymore, his body has yet to forget it). Inej is on the roof doing her morning yoga while Kaz is making breakfast (he's surprisingly domestic when it comes to it. He's not fantastic at cooking but he can make basic dishes perfectly).

Matthias, Kaz, Inej and Wylan have settled in at the table to eat breakfast when Nina and Jesper saunter in. Jesper looks dashing in his multicoloured suit. The blazer is blue, the trousers are purple, the shirt inside is pink, and his tie is covered in pink, purple and blue sequins. Nina looks gorgeous in her sparkly gown. It has pink glitter for the bodice, which morphs into yellow glitter at the middle and concludes with blue glitter at the end, making a perfect ombre. They pose at the doorway, to loud applause from Wylan, cheering from Inej, a gasp from Matthias and a deadpan from Kaz.

"We're going to the Pride Parade today, obviously," Nina says, gesturing to their outfits. "Who's coming?"

"I'm in," Wylan says. He's never been allowed to go to a Pride Parade before so he's so excited to see what it'll be like. Part of him is afraid, too. That he somehow won't fit in even there.

"I'll go," Matthias adds, smiling softly at Nina, possibly not even sure what he's agreeing to except that Nina will be there, looking like this.

"I'll come too," Inej replies, smiling at the two Grisha, beyond proud of how comfortable they are in their own skin and identity.

Kaz nods at them which is a fairly enthusiastic yes for him (Someone has added rainbow sprinkles to all the food and it could only be one person, the person who made it but Kaz will never admit to that).

Later, in the afternoon, Wylan is making Pride-themed smoke bombs (his own idea, he's so proud of it), Nina is helping Inej decide what she wants to wear, Matthias is researching Pride related words because he wants to understand what this community is about, and Jesper and Kaz are talking (talking is a bit of a stretch, but basically Jesper is talking at Kaz, ranting actually, and Kaz is nodding here and there).

In the evening, they all go to the Pride Parade. Wylan has a rainbow shirt on, Inej has a demisexual flag badge and a biromantic flag one attached to her top, and Matthias and Kaz are dressed as they normally would. They decide to split up (although the decision is mostly made by the fact that Wylan drags Jesper with him as he sets off in one direction, Nina walks off in another dircetion and Matthias follows, and Inej and Kaz decide to go slowly at their own pace).

Wylan is absolutely fascinated by all the colourful things they're selling. He's racing from one stall to another, and Jesper is keeping pace with him happily. Nina is enthralled by the food. They have pride coloured (and flavoured) waffles! After Nina and Matthias eat till they're full though, Nina quickly switches to buying all sorts of knick-knacks (Matthias is automatically given the task of bag carrier when Nina turned to him with suspiciously wide eyes and said, "Who else should I ask for help but my big strong Fierdan boyfriend?" Matthias knew he was being baited but agreed anyway because he loves her). Inej and Kaz are walking slowly, taking everything in, while Inej sneaks glances at Kaz to make sure the crowd isn't bothering him and Kaz does the same.

Kaz seems blank-faced the whole time until a little girl smiles at him and tries to wrap rainbow coloured ribbons around his cane. He shakes his head and points at the black, grey, white and purple set. She smiles and acquiesces. Inej watches this interaction with a small smile hidden behind her hand.

When they finally return home, Matthias is somehow (we know how, or rather who) covered in stickers and badges and scarves and face paint and so so much more. Nina is full and happy with all the purchases she made. Wylan and Jesper are admiring the few things Wylan bought when suddenly Wylan pulls out a gun from behind his back and points it at Jesper. "Boom!" he says, and Jesper realises that the gun is actually a holster painted blue, purple and pink. Wylan grins and hands it to him, and Jesper mock seriously promises to protect it with his life. Inej is laughing softly as Kaz tries to remove the ribbons from his cane and only succeeds in trapping himself in it too.

Wylan realises that he does fit in there, Jesper feels euphoric that he can be this open with his identity, Nina's heart feels full from all the love, Matthias's head feels full from all the Queer related terms he learned today, Inej feels a serene kind of happiness at seeing others like her, and Kaz, well Kaz doesn't have feelings, what are you talking about? (Kaz is happy, nothing else, just happy).

Next Chapter (Chapter 3)

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list.

[quinncupine]

Hiiii quinn! I never realised you did requests but if it would be fine (and also because its my sole goal) could you do a boom boom boi and izubby with having their own cat or dog as a pet??? I'm seriously thinking that boom boom boi would be both a cat and dog person, don't u agree? (Ily lots and don't feel pressured to do this if you have a lot of stuff going on!)

Hi Dorki! I'm finally making my way through my requests and I was really excited to write this one! Okay, hope you like it!

Quinns Masterlist

Wanna request something?

The Boys with Pets

Word Count: 1,750

Featuring: Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo!

Warnings: dogs, cats, cursing

Izuku Midoriya

Now Izuku loves pretty much all animals, but I can totally see him getting a dog. Dogs are loyal and full of energy just like a certain green-haired hero. The perfect duo.

He would probably rescue one from the pound, the one with the biggest, saddest, cutest eyes because how could he not? But someone has to go with him because he'd try to rescue them all if there was no one there to stop him. Once a hero, always a hero I suppose.

I'm thinking for names, he would definitely pick a name that reflects his favorite heroes. Don't be surprised if he names his dog something super cheesy like Mighty or Rocky…

Wait, okay, I've decided, he names his dog Mighty and that is the hill I will die on.

The life of a hero is quite busy so when he goes off on long missions, he drops the dog off at his mom's house. Inko has fallen in love with this sweet pup, so much so that she sometimes begs him to stop by with the dog for a visit. It's the closest thing she's got to grandbabies at the moment, she'll take what she can get :)

Now, this cute pup draws in the attention of just about everyone so he's gotten an influx of attention and a few numbers slipped in his hand during their walks, much to his flustered surprise.

Best wingman ever.

This dog goes on regular runs with Izuku and sometimes even helps him with training. I'm thinking a Collie or an Aussie would just be the perfect fit for him to keep up with his personality and lifestyle. He needs an active dog!

I can see it now, he goes on his daily morning runs with this cute Lil furry training buddy and they race the whole way! A few regulars on the trail know about this and it's become sort of a tradition to cheer the two on as they pass.

 ...

The morning air was crisp with the slight scent of the coming autumn, the perfect morning for a run. Izuku, dressed in his usual training wear, had a steady rhythm going for the last forty minutes, letting out even, controlled breaths. This was the easy part of the run, a warm-up if anything, and he hadn't even broken a sweat yet. The canine jogging by his side was enjoying the dewy morning air as well, tongue happily flopping out the side of her mouth. The shared morning ritual between man and man's best friend: Mighty.

Her tail picked up speed, wagging uncontrollably as they neared the bend where the giant jagged rock towered over the path. It was the place marker to start the race. A three-mile run to the top of the hill located at the center of the park. It was also Mighty's favorite part of the morning.

"Ready girl?" Izuku grinned down at the ecstatic dog who barked in reply.

The instant the two of them passed the big rock, they both broke out in full speed, leaving behind a cloud of dust. Happy barks filled the air as she gained the upper hand. Izuku laughed as the dog turned to look back at him lagging behind her. He always did these races without his quirk to assist him. It was only fair and it helped him work on his natural stamina in case he was ever in a situation where he couldn't use his quirk. Always good to be prepared.

He watched as she bounded up the first steep hill on the trail. There were a few small hills on this route, but this one was the hardest to climb and Mighty had the advantage with her four legs so she always managed to pull ahead first. She stopped at the top and barked him on before quickly disappearing over the crest.

When he reached the top, he stopped for just a second to take in his surroundings. This part of the park was a heavily wooded area with numerous trails that many people used to hike or run. It also served as a great view of the city skyline and he couldn't help but stop and admire the rising sun from between the foggy buildings every time. Then Mighty barked to pull him out of his thoughts.

"It's not over yet!" He called after her and raced down the hill, putting on an extra burst of speed to easily close the distance.

Tail wagging, she nipped playfully at his feet as they sprinted along the path, side by side. There weren't many people out this early so he usually had the trail to himself. The only sounds were the wind in the trees, the leaves crunching under feet and paws, Mighty barking beside him, and his own unrestrained glee as they ran together.

These were the mornings he loved. Just the two of them, away from the stresses that came with pro-hero work. He wouldn't trade being a hero for anything, but sometimes it got to be too much so coming here to clear his mind with a little run was always a cathartic release, only made better by the furry companion by his side.

The short bridge that arched over the creek signaled the last mile. Getting more serious, Izuku pulled ahead of Mighty, not able to hold back the giant grin as he streaked across the bridge, startling a few birds off the railings which Mighty barked at as she came up behind him.

Up ahead was a large open meadow with a small duck pond near the center. A few benches were scattered about the path and he saw the same elderly couple sitting in their usual spot with a bag of rice and seed to feed the plethora of ducks waddling around their feet.

"You got him this time Mighty!" The old man looked up as the two of them zipped down the path towards the couple.

"Show 'em what girls can do!" The woman cracked a smile, waving her hands.

"Morning Mr. and Mrs. Fujino!" Izuku waved as he passed. "Don't count me out yet!"

Mighty barked her greeting and took a detour, herding some ducks closer to the couple then with a quick lick to Mr. Fujino's hand, she sprinted back to catch up to Izuku.

The Fujino's marked the last leg of the race. The only thing left was to climb the top of the largest hill in the park to the old oak tree at the top. That was the finishing line. It was always a gamble as to who finished first every day, but Mighty sure had a competitive spirit.

Izuku pumped his legs as he steadily made his way up to the dirt trail, Mighty just behind him before she suddenly veered left and disappeared into the shrubbery. He was so focused on the tree that slowly came into view just around the curve as he neared the top that he didn't notice.

Just as the path leveled out, almost to the finish line, he glanced back to see no sign of his dog. The tree was a few feet away when a furry mass ambushed him from the side, knocking him clean off his feet. The pro hero landed in the grass with a heavy Oof. Sitting on his chest was Mighty, looking quite proud of herself.

"Cheater!" He laughed, trying his best to hold back the slobbery licks she was determined to give him. "Okay, okay, I'll call it a tie!"

 Katsuki Bakugo

Now Katsuki on the other hand would totally be a cat person. Not that he has anything against dogs, but cats are more his style. They don't need constant attention and are pretty much self-sufficient. Just the way he likes it.

That being said, Katuski would go all out on toys and the latest gizmos to take care of his cat. Has a self-cleaning litter box, a waterfall bowl, an automatic feeder, etc. You get the picture.

Oh, and toys galore. If he has space, this cat is getting a personal jungle gym that lets him walk up to the ceiling. S.P.O.I.L.E.D.

Doesn't like to tell people just how much he actually loves this cat because he's never been one to express emotions, but this cat just gets him to his core. They share the same wavelength and he appreciates that. The cat is the only one he trusts to open up to, so sometimes you might catch him ranting to the poor thing who just stares back with big wide eyes and occasional meows. Yup, totally gets him.

I see him with a super chill cat, like maybe a Ragdoll or a Russian Blue. Something that tolerates his constant screaming and explosions.

This guy is just as bad at names. It'll definitely be something long and dramatic like Lord Cat Explosion Demon God of Furballs. Yep. He doesn't take criticism so most people call him Lord Furballs, much to his disdain.

Katsuki won't ask for attention from the cat, but the little furry feline is a total cuddler and will often find itself curled up in his lap or even on his neck if Katsuki's sitting on the couch. You better believe this guy won't be moving until that cat decides it's time to move. He's been late to meetings with friends because of this cuddly cat.

He's a hero so this cat is definitely being treated right. Katuski is no slacker when it comes to caring for his lil buddy. The vet is on speed dial should anything ever happen.

Did someone say a custom-made collar that matches his hero costume to a tee?

He's never loved anything more.

 ...

"Uh, hey Bakubro, why is your cat glaring at me?" Ejiro asked, staring down at the feline.

"What?" Katsuki didn't even bother to look up from his laptop.

"Your cat. It's giving me the evil eye. I thought it was supposed to be friendly." The red-haired hero frowned, not able to break eye contact with the cat. "I don’t think it likes me."

The small furry creature had lazily curled up in the sunspot next to Katsuki's feet, purring away without a care in the world. It seemed harmless enough, except for the heavy glare it was shooting Ejiro's way.

"Heh," Katsuki finally glanced down and crossed his arms. "He's not glaring. That's just his face."

"Ah," Ejiro nodded, "like father like son."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"

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