#also look at hannibal's smug face

[skyenthusiast]

flirting

Hannibal 2.10 - Naka-Choko

[pumpkinfreak]

Watching Hannibal for the first time Ep 8-11

Episode 8. I need MatPat to figure out if you could turn a person into a cello. THAT IS THE FILM THEORY I WANT! Anyway, Franklin comes back in this episode. Another fun fact, I work in dentistry, and I did not know Catgut was real animal innards. My instructors left that little tidbit out. I love that Hannibal is offered friendship by Franklin, his little fanboy patient. Lecter is so annoyed by it, he just could not care less. Then Tobias, who is also a deadly psychopath, Hannibal seems just as bothered. It's great. Tobias swinging around that wire tool thing, looked a little silly. It was giving weeb kid busting out their special attack. I did appreciate men in suits beating the Hell out of each other. Also Will and Alana kiss, it's whatever, I feel no chemistry between them.

Episode 9

Abigail finally comes back, she's haunted by the man she killed and is going to write a book about the murders with Freddie. We learn that Freddie is a smug vegetarian. I just know this woman fat-shames people. She eats half a cutie orange and just gushes about how full she is. I'll fight this woman in a parking lot. Also, Abigail did help father capture girls for him to kill. I won't lie I lost a lot of sympathy for Abigail. However, It makes sense that Hannibal would be so interested in her. I think he sees Abigail and Will as kindred spirits, in his own way. Yet, he still views them as things to be played with.

Human totem poll. It was such a good design. The skulls are the corners.

Episode 10

Skin just slipping off the body. It got me. It's the little things that get me. Just slid off her like a rubber glove.

Hannibal has an interesting way of treating his friends. I think lying to Will about his encephalitis, is an attempt on his part to keep him close. He wants will, but I don't think Hannibal is capable of seeing other humans as, well people. I think he views them more like animals, something he can control.

Every time Will has an episode he runs to Hannibal. So it is working, if Will was well, he might spend less time with him. Hannibal's own psychiatrist mentions that he needs someone who deserves his friendship. I think this may be a way for him to test Will.

Bisected head. I cannot praise the SFX makeup enough.

Episode 10

This might be my favorite episode of the season. Being awake during your own dissection, grizzly. The tongues pulled through the slit necks. Simple, and very effective. I like seeing Freddie have that smug grin wiped off her face. I was bothered that Alana was put into protective custody, but Chilton was not. Like, he was the guy who messed with the serial killer, of course, he was going to get got.

They seemed so surprised, y'all are FBI agents pull it together.

Hugh Darcy does a great job, acting like someone on the brink. Another fun fact, they often use baby oil to make actors look sweaty. Hugh was probably swimming in the stuff.

Three more episodes. That I will post about later, and give my feelings on the first season as a whole.

[grasshopperdoingdogpaddle]

People are asking for random ratings from people so I request a ranking of Chase Young's top 5 attempted murders

Not sure what criteria to use to rank attempted murder... but I'm game?

A lot of the time Chase doesn't bother with actually trying to merk someone since he'd rather use them as pawns or intimidate and rule over them. So I'll only use the genuine, unambiguous times he was definitely trying to end someone's life on-screen.

5 - Jack, by trying to crush him with a boulder

The best part about this one was all the facial expressions we got. From Chase's smug smile as he says he's "finally about to get rid of him" to the look of absolutely shock and disappointment he shares with Wuya when Jack manages to get up. It’s golden, especially coming from someone as composed as Chase. It feels almost like a Swiper "aw man" moment, but about murder instead of petty theft.

He's pretty flippant about holding a life in his hands. He revels in it, in fact, says that Spicer’s painful death has been a long time coming. So seeing him so confused at not actually pulling it off was funny. This isn’t someone who’s used to messing up his assassinations.

Also, it's quite cute how the Xiaolin monks were the ones who saved Jack from this untimely fate.

4 - Raimundo, by almost biting him in half

It is a good thing Clay is a quick thinker, because Chase was really going for it. He was fully primed to bite someone in half for trying to take back Omi. 

It gives us confirmation that Chase will eat a human without hesitation, and the moment had some excellent tension in it. A nice quick show of the bond between the monks and how hard they try for each other.

A nice glimpse of how Chase's thoughts, too. The look on his face switching from that smug smirk as he caught the punches, into the murderous glare right before he shifted his dragon form, is very interesting to read into. It’s fun to get that occasional reminder that Chase is capable of being very brutal and evil, just in case him burning down that entire village for a laugh and plunging the world into darkness doesn’t quite doing it.

3 - Guan, by pushing him in the pit of fire

The first time we really see how far Chase is willing to go. It was a neat way to set the tone for what kind of villain Chase Young is, and the scene is definitely harsher in hindsight once we learn the history between Guan and Chase.

The other monks all on the sidelines reacting with such abject horror, and the visible beads of sweat on Guan's face while he struggles, before he finally managed to free himself just in time... This fight felt fun and intense to watch.

2 - Hannibal (disguised as Clay), by pinning him down and trying to stab him in the face

The only time on this list where I was actually rooting for Chase.

Usually Chase’s staff has blades at its ends, so I assume Chase was about to shoot out the blades and stab Hannibal? I’m not entirely sure that would even work on Hannibal, but Chase sure hoped it would.

This whole scene was such a great use of dramatic irony. It hurts all the more that this was their last chance at preventing the evil that is Hannibal Roy Bean from being released into the world and the monks themselves accidentally got in the way. Chase waiting by the temple gate and Ying-Ying being so happy to see Hannibal again that she flies straight to him really elevates the moment. It establishes a lot of interesting dynamics in just a minute.

1 - Dojo, by almost making him into Lao Mang Lone Soup

I love Dojo but this was just too hilarious.

Dojo sat in a simmering pot of soup and still needed more hints to figure out what was happening here. 

Chase introduced himself into the story by getting ready to murder Dojo’s legendary dragon, and he even makes a thinly-veiled threat to throw the monks into the soup and eat them, too. 

The usually cautious and skittish Dojo has lost his sense of self-preservation because he was given a nice cookie. And Chase has been planning this for apparently so long. Comedy gold, truly.

The animosity between Chase and Dojo is set up and stays consistent for the whole rest of the series after this. Chase puts the blame for his finale plan falling apart squarely on the fact that he was robbed of the chance to eat Dojo then and there.

[hay1ock]

Another week, another took-a-long-time-to-process-so-now-going-to-ramble Only Friends post. I have no idea where I want to start as there were so many entanglements, emotions, moments for the characters, both separately and together.

Firstly, once again, got to praise the show for looking good. Loved some of the shots, one particular one was the continuous shot of Sand following Ray into his den/music room, and also Nick and Boston beneath those antlers - was as if Nick was being consumed by a beast (how very Hannibal lol)

So, thoughts on the characters and relationships. I guess we’ll start with Top and Mew as they kicked the episode off.

Top - honestly, I’m so conflicted over him. One minute I’m like, okay I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and the next I’m all hell no, shoo *waves him away*. He certainly earned some ‘bodacious side-eyes’ this week.

1. His glance at Boston after asking Mew to be his boyfriend. He looked so smug.

2. The way he ‘claimed’ Mew in front of Ray saying they had a date and taking his hand. Does he already feel threatened by Ray?

3. The way he spoke to Ray when Cheum hurt her ankle. (I’m not a doctor but I didn’t see Ray’s idea to raise a swollen ankle as a bad thing. He clearly wasn’t looking to hurt his friend). It just felt like Top was exerting dominance again. BUT maybe with the backstory we saw he now needs to control situations and jumped in without watching his tone.

4. Him and Boston in the shower (obviously lol)👀. I couldn’t get a read what he was thinking. He said stop but then let Boston get right back to it. His expression bounced around from into it to annoyed to… I don’t know what. BUT that isn’t the way to get into Mew’s good books lol.

Then on the other hand we have the backstory and his fear of sleeping alone. He seemed genuine about his past and can certainly see his sleeping around rooted in that. In episode 1, he could have just left, maybe even still had time to find someone else if it was just sex he wanted, but he asked to stay over, even if just to cuddle and sleep beside Mew. So until I’m shown otherwise I believe him. Curious if he’s abusing the sleeping tablets though (based on bits they showed in both trailers).

Mew - just because he’s a glasses wearing virgin doesn’t mean he’s naive, I mean… have you seen his friends? Lol. I do think he’s ticking things off a little too easily, but Top does make his heart tremble so there are feelings there already and he’s maybe looking for reasons for Top to meet his list. It no way excuses the Top and Boston encounter, but I do wonder how far Mew will push his No Sex rule with Top and this whole reset and then his cookie kiss teasing and if that’ll blow up in his face? (I see you car in the preview). But like I get it. If Top cares for him he should be willing to wait until Mew is ready, build trust and get to know each other properly. Plus you know, Top has his hand and a healthy imagination, he’ll be fine lol.

Boston - or rather…BOSTON! I love him but hate him lol. Bold move with Top in the shower. I’m not really sure why he’s so bothered. Like seriously how good was the sex? Has he caught feelings? Or is it just about one-upping Mew, is there more to their ‘friendship’? Jealousy? A one-sided rivalry of some kind? The fact he’s looking to use Ray and Mew’s friendship to get Top is a scummy move. And then there’s his relationship with Nick.

After Ray, Nick is my second precious, please-protect-him-from-everything-as-well-as-himself baby. He looked so tiny with his knees up to his chest, and soft and vulnerable lying in bed for the photos. Boston has made it clear-ish what their status is so Nick should be aware falling for him is a fruitless endeavour. BUT. The ish is because like Nick I’m getting mixed signals when he’s calling him his favourite, calling him cute, giving him little kisses and confidence boosts. The first sex scene between them this episode is more how I view Boston, flipping Nick over, pushing him down, no need to see his face. He just wants sex, not a connection with Nick. Argh, Nick’s attached and it’s gonna hurt. God, everybody’s so messy lol.

And then we’re round to my best boy, Ray. God I love seeing Khaotung like this. Anyway, yes he’s a danger to himself and others when drunk, not saying he’s an angel, but as Mew said he can’t be stopped, not unless he’s ready to admit he has a problem and get help. Struggling characters speak to me lol.

I loved his scene with Mew near the start. Sure he’s jealous, probably more so when drunk, but this episode he came across as supportive. Worried but supportive nonetheless. He’s probably met some Top’s before so is rightly concerned about Mew jumping in when their might be someone nice down the line (and I’m convinced he wasn’t talking about himself here - there’s no way he sees himself as anywhere near good enough for Mew). I felt like his glances at Top both by the pool and then the outdoor activity were, yes there’s still some jealousy but also as if they were out of concern/viewing how Top is acting - to me, he seemed surprised/wary at Top coming over as controlling and jumping in about the date and taking hold of Mew, and then at the activities it felt like he was observing/considering the genuineness of Top’s calls of support (vs Boston’s done with them eye roll).

There was a lot of stuff brought up for Ray this episode. Him and Sand was just amazing. From following Sand as what probably started out as a nice distraction, to hiring him as a drinking buddy, to genuinely bonding and smiling, to, well, that last sequence - god dang he was oozing with charm and his lustful gaze and… Why does smoking always look so hot? It really isn’t but damn does it look all cinematic and sexy. But yeah, it was great not to have to listen to him throw up this week. The flashback to his mum though. It seemed she died with a drink in her hand. Whether it was straight up from the alcohol, or maybe it caused other health problems? Was it just alcohol or was she washing down pills or something? Did she drunkenly fall and hit her head? *squints at the blurry scene* It’s certainly a trauma that is part of why he drinks, exacerbated by his loneliness and now the fear of losing Mew and that friendship as him and Top get closer. I’m also scared Ray is drinking himself stupid as a way to follow her.

Sand. The goodest boy (shhh pretend he’s not selling moonshine). I loved him so much when he tried to cheer Ray up after asking questions about his mum’s death. It was clear Ray was upset and down and it was lovely seeing him make Ray smile. Also, the way he was staring at Ray in these scenes. Gah. He’s so interested in him. I found it funny him turning away the girl, when Ray had suggested the three of them hang out. At least he got Ray looking very pleased with himself when it was just the two of them. There’s not much else to dive into with him at the moment. That talk to the camera thing at the end. Boy already looks like he knows he fucked up. Playing with fire indeed. Nothing else to say right… okay maybe one thing. Tattoo *kicks feet*

Random things.

1. Cheum and April. Wasn’t much of them but they were cute.

2. Sorry Top but that dive into the water. I kind of like it in that it shows he isn’t perfect. And apparently this isn’t Baywatch lol.

3. Tattoo.

4. I wonder if there was more than that one shot of Nick that Boston took? Hoping there’s nothing that can be used against Nick in the future.

5. TaTtOo.

6. The way Sand broke the kiss by pulling Ray away *melts*

7. Sand and Nick becoming roomies. They can bitch about their emotionally unavailable men over some plum wine lol. Wonder if Boston and Ray will end up there at the same time?

8. Ray’s face when Mew said Top had ticked the get along with friends box on his list.

9. Fluffy haired Ray at the outdoor activities.

10. TATTOO.

11. I kinda wanna go to a laser quest again. Like, are they still a thing? Time to relive my youth lol.

12. Took me a minute but realised those ‘talk to the camera’ interviews reminded me of the first episode of Queer As Folk (at least the UK version) where they had a similar thing. Vince was my baby. What do you mean I have a thing for guys who have a crush on their best friend? Lol

13. I can’t help it. I’m sorry. BUT Ray in that black fluffy cardigan outfit. It was his episode, at least for me.

14. Ray’s little face when he put him mum’s record on. Everybody shush. I love him okay.

15. I know you probably didn’t want him in your bed again since the reset, but Mew, cuddling on the couch did not look comfy.

16. So, if Nick works at a family business I shall switch my guess at Papang being something to do with uni and his course.

17. Title, where you at.

18. Ohhhhh. Yo and unnamed dude (please be called Lo) are together.

And I’ll shut up now. We’re down to hours until the next episode. Exciting.

[midhaonna]

😐😈🤔⏰🖋🍰✨📝

if i am menace then you are an international fugitive.

😐 what embarrasses you most about your own writing?

uhhh...i am pretty embarrassed about my overall lack of following a plot because i think it is completely obvious and dramatically decreases the quality of writing

😈 is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

im not entirely sure? i think i am really bad for writing a bunch of short things with nsfw implications but no porn and that usually frustrates people loool

🤔 what is the hardest part of writing fic?

writing dialogue for pre existing characters for fucking sure. trying to fit my words into the cadence and tone that a person usually speaks in, or trying to adapt how a person normally speaks to fit my fic while also maintaining the reality of their character is...fucking difficult!! will graham i am looking at you

⏰️ do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

this changes depending on how busy i am but definitely this year i have been writing significantly more than i read which is mostly because i have been writing after work and i usually write until there is something else i have to do like prior plans that i have so i dont get the chance to read. on weekends i def read more fic but i usually also like to take the oppprtunity while im not working to do more writing so...self imposed deadlines r a bitch

🖊 post a snippet from a current WIP

"I don’t believe that the words criminal and victim can’t apply to one person at the same time. Do we not sympathise with our mentally ill who commit crimes? Or criminals in the name of God? There are no circumstances which can be entirely without exception.” Will frowns, finding more and more that the riddles they speak in encapsulate him, reaching into him further than could reasonably be considered comfortable.

“If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; if you talk to the dead, you are a schizophrenic.” Lecter recites. “There is a common variable in that no matter what actions we take, which overgrown or crowded paths we let ourselves walk down, there is always a reflection of ourselves to be found at the end of the road. You are accustomed to smashing the mirror in which you see your reflection. Thomas Szasz was perhaps more sympathetic to your plight than most of the owners of your judgement, and even yourself.”

“My plight, Doctor?”

Lecter allows himself that almost-smirk again, the one which holds the promise of something disastrous. “Do you consider yourself to be a victim? Or just a criminal?”

An awful silence looms.

🍰 name one of your fave comfort fics (doesnt have to be your all time fave)

i know this question asks for one, BUT...here is three.

back in 20...something. i read a lot of fleurdeliser and tuesdaysgone (and still do) and Your Heart Turns Out The Lights was such a comfort fic for me, so it is definitely still the fic i reach for now, only it is nostalgia tinged now

my comfort hannibal fic is A Past of Plank and Nail by...uhm. this fic/(s) is so dear to me (and given that ry recommended it to me...stop looking so smug rn, lescoe) anyway i love these authors if u coudlnt tell

my comfort misc fic is Don't quit your day job ( I already told you this shit is way illegal) by Melliebae which is, of course, a new addition because i only watched yuri on ice recently (take that look off ur fucking face lescoe) and it is also a very new fic but i have read it so many times because it is just so good and i love yuri and otabeck so much

✨️ choose three adjectives to complement your own writing

ur so mean this is so difficult :(

detailed, consistent, visual

📝 what is one growth area you have for your own writing

WELL. asking this as the guy who edits and/or reads all of my fic (thx bestie my biggest fan) is a dick move!!! just kidding but this is relevant to my most recent and dedicated wip -

id like to have more of a fixed perspective in my writing because i think it gets confusing for reader AND writer when there is a non specific perspective and it just bumps the word count up for no reason...i think being more strict with the pov would make my fic more digestable

[charliedawn]

What do the Hannibal Family and Kevin think of a reader who stays up too late reading and doesn't take breaks?

"I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me, deal ?"

Morgan is also an avid reader. Once he gets really into a book ? He won’t put it down. Hannibal Jr. tried multiple times to make him stop his habit of reading at very late hours, but never succeeded.

He understands.

Morgan would wait until everyone is asleep and sneak into your room at night to keep you company and you would start a little book club. You may only have two members, but your discussions never end.

He shares his favorites with you and you share yours with him. It has become a sort of ritual that even the other members of the household know better than to disturb.

Besides, turns out that you are both effective sleeping pills on each other.

You don't need the sandman for you to have a good night sleep when your heads are filled with fantastic stories.

"Buuusted."

You look up to find Kevin standing there with a smug smile.

"So...Still up ? What is it about this time ? Couldn't be that interesting, could it ?"

He snatches your book away from your hand and reads the cover. He raises it out of your reach and laughs as he sees you desperately trying to get it back.

"Well well..Is it that good ? I mean..Books are just a waste of time, don't you think ? Besides, you should be sleeping ! Uncle H is going to be mad again if he sees you up.."

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest.

"What about you ? I could ask you the same thing ?! Painting again, aren't you ?! You'll ruin your health.."

He can see the concern on your face and can't help but smile before slamming the open book on your face, earning him an annoyed groan.

"Sad..but true. But hey, look who's talking ? You gotta be more careful, princess."

You blush slightly at the nickname, but he takes your moment of inattention to grab you and make you both fall on your bed.

You try to protest, but Kevin only holds you tighter against him and chuckles.

"Kevin is currently unavailable. Thank you to leave a message after the snore."

He lets out a loud snore for emphasis and you scoff before relaxing in his hold..Welp, you wouldn't get out of this anyway..

"Goodnight, Kevin."

"Goodnight, princess.."

"Snack ?", Hannibal Jr. asks you when he sees you're still up at midnight.

He knows that the best way to make someone sleep is to fill their belly. Of course, he won't use any of his usual "special ingredients" if you don't want to and will be just as happy to bake you biscuits or cookies.

He will however ask you to help him in the kitchen, since you both can't seem to sleep and put you to work seems to be the best way to make you sleepy.

It's not the first time and his technique has already proven successful many times before.

"Here. The cookies are done."

He says, but smiles when he sees you asleep on some nearby chair.

He picks you up gently and carries you to your room before tucking you in.

"Goodnight, love. Have sweet dreams."

"So, what is it about ?"

Peter asks after catching you reading late at night.

He leans down on your bed and smiles as you start telling him about the book's story and your eyes sparkle as you keep talking.

Soon, Peter's eyelids feel heavy and he can't keep his eyes open.

The soft snore he lets out not long after makes you understand that he's asleep and you smile before closing the book and putting it on your nightstand.

You then turn off the light and scoot closer to him.

You feel your eyelids slowly closing and slow your breathing to match his..His presence is comforting.

It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep and even Hannibal Jr. doesn't say anything when he sees you both asleep.

At least, he won't have to worry about your lack of sleep any longer.

"Did you like the book ?"

Hannibal Sr. is and has always been a bookworm. He devours books in matter of nights. He may even be the one you and Morgan took the bad habit from.

He always advices you on what to choose and books are the only things he's allowed to receive in his prison cell.

He is always happy when you read to him, it brightens his days.

However, he does also worry when he sees you fall asleep while you're reading.

"I'm glad that you find my book suggestions as captivating..but, you need to watch your health, little lamb. The book will still be there tomorrow morning."

Hannibal Sr. always tries to get news from you on how the family is holding up and to keep a moment to read to you when he is allowed to visit.

Knowledge is power.

He's been taught that at a young age and is happy to see you so eager to learn, but will always prioritize your health.

So, when he says sleep..you better sleep.

"Little lamb..I can see the light from underneath the door."

[hannibanannibal]

thoughts on hassun:

husbands getting dressed tgt uwu

hannibal checking out his own ass goodBYE

hannibal's proud little smile when the woman said will is the smartest person in the room plsss

love that jack's at least being honest about the part he played in will's downward spiral (even though at the end of the day they're all just puppets on hannibal's string)

stop looking so smug you mf

"this isn't law, it's advertising" i snorted dhjddjdj but also reminds me of my comparative politics class the other day when my teacher was talking about how courts don't exist to administer justice, they exist to settle disputes. kinda deep when u think about it

"boo hoo so's the law" djjdjdj we love an honest man

"unconsciousness in a pretty package" will graham poster boy for pretty privilege

THE EAR AGAIN??!?!??

"i think i opened your mail" yessir it seems like you did

nooooo u really had to hit me with the bella feels like that

"she could die there" ouch that's a stab to the gut

"he cares what happens to you" hannibal u lovesick bastard you disgust me

in comes miss freddie looking like a queen

freddie and hannibal out here competing for the title of biggest cunt

SUED FOR LIBEL LMFAO

and her face 😭

i'm sorry miss freddie, i love u but... the man's got a point

"i have no romantic feelings for will graham" 🙊

"a warm welcome" by lightning the whole place on fire yes

will just needs a permanent sign on his forehead that says "gone fishin'"

"he is merely the ink from which flows my poem" another very striking line

"this killer wrote you a poem" with a dead body.... how romantic -_-

"i wanted to dispel your doubts once and for all" "i wanted you to believe I'm the best of me" stoppp sounding so damn sweet this is literally all your fault

"i believe in the best of you" sure if 'best' is code for 'most unhinged'

ARE 😭😭 YOU 😭😭 GOING 😭😭 TO 😭😭 LET 😭😭 HIS 😭😭 LOVE 😭😭 GO 😭😭 TO 😭😭 WASTE 😭😭

"it's fashionable" i want to marry this man

will graham is and will always be my friend the love of my life

judge doesn't accept the defense and hannibal just goes "welp, time to kill him"

ooh that transition from will to the janitor was so smooth i love it

AAHHH HERE IT IS HERE'S THE JUDGE'S MURDER AAHHHH

i saw a spoiler for this one a while ago and i've been looking forward to it even since

there's a decent chance this will end up being my favorite murder in the whole series

just.. the aesthetic... symbolism... *chef's kiss*

the science trio looking at hannibal like he's crazy when he says the slug was taken as a trophy 💀

not the ominous sound of hooves again

"he wants to know me" well hot damn, look at will being the pretty new boy in the murder club

"i want to save you" oh alan m'dear, that's just not how things work around here

okay i totally had to watch that episode twice to soak everything in and i loved every second of it 😍😍 11/10, definitely one of my favorite episodes so far

[marley-manson]

Hannibal and will!

Thank you!

Send me a ship and I’ll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

Ship It

What made you ship it?

Funnily enough, I actually didn't ship it while watching the show the first time until literally the season 3 finale. See, I believed that Hannibal was manipulating Will the whole time and it was basically a horror story about poor Will being brainwashed into wanting to murder people and all that, and while I enjoyed the homoeroticism a lot and even read some fic, it's just not the kind of thing I'm really into, I find moustache twirling villailn/woobie victim boring as ship material.

The moment that made me go 'wait a second... wait just one fucking second, I've been wrong the whole time, this is actually a perfect ship for me' was Will's sip of wine while looking down at Hannibal bleeding out after he let Dolarhyde shoot him.

I was expecting throughout the entirety of the Red Dragon arc that Hannibal was somehow playing a long manipulative game and he’d reveal it in the finale, so I guess when it turned out that nope, he had no plan he was just going wherever the fuck Will took him up to and including his death, it made me reconsider everything.

So the day after the finale aired I marathoned the whole show again in like three days with eyes wide open and saw everything in a new light and really fell head over heels for the show.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Hannibal's super intense feelings. The parallel between him and Franklyn. Hannibal trying to eat Will's brain to get over him, failing, and going to the opposite extreme and spending 3 years in jail right after because the brain eating was like, a last-ditch attempt to save himself from his own feelings. Will falling in love over the course of season 2 not despite wanting to kill Hannibal but because of it, as illustrated through very sexually suggestive murder fantasies.

Will asserting his own agency at the end of season 1. Hannibal's smile in the last shot of season 1 not because he "won" or anything but because Will knows who he is now. Will pulling a gun on Hannibal. Their murdery "with my hands" dirty talk. The ortorlan blowjob scene, instant classic. Hannibal letting Dolarhyde shoot him not to save Will or anything, but just because that's how Will wanted them to die. The fact that Dolarhyde only kills families so it was basically Hannibal accepting a marriage proposal when you think about it. Will changing his mind and killing Dolarhyde with Hannibal instead. "I gave you a child, if you recall."

The fucking tearfully smug look on Hannibal's face when he kills Abigail. Will fantasizing about killing Jack and running away with Hannibal. Bedelia's exasperation with Hannibal's pining and her manipulating him because of it in season 3. Everything about Sorbet, Tome Wan, and Digestivo, aka the three best episodes of anything ever. Man I could go on forever but I gotta stop.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think the most likely scenario is Hannibal and Will killing other serial killers, but I think if it came down to it Hannibal is more likely to give up murder than Will is to take up murder. Hannibal already functionally gave up murder not even for a relationship, but just in the hopes of seeing Will again and like, not being forgotten, when he turned himself in in Digestivo. Also I think if they do start killing killers it'd 100% be Will's idea, not Hannibal's. Hannibal is not rocking that boat now that he's finally in it by trying to manipulate or force Will into murder again lol. At best I could see him handing Will a newspaper detailing a new serial killer with a hopeful expression lol.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

A certain redheaded tabloid journalist tracks y/n down at work. Y/n finds out how persistent she is when she makes her an offer she just can’t refuse. 

Trigger warnings: Christianity, stalking, survivor’s guilt

You made it out alive, and that was more than could be said for some. 

Your consolation prize was a ghastly scar on your hand that you kept bandaged up as to not scare small children. You did get some worker’s comp after all; enough to pay for your medical bills and a little extra to make up for the lost workdays. All things considered, you were the lucky one. Four people lost their lives that day and three more were injured far worse than you. You should have felt grateful to be alive.

But somehow that was even worse. You got a couple stitches and some time off. It wasn’t worth four people’s lives. 

Your therapist explained it to you very gently. You were experiencing a phenomenon known as "survivor's guilt". She encouraged you to join a support group, get outside and familiarize yourself with your new experiences. 

This was good advice and all, but yours was the newest, hottest crime. You couldn't go anywhere without being hounded by reporters looking for whatever details you had somehow left out. Dr. Bloom encouraged you to take some time off work until the media circus died down, but you had bills to pay.

"I feel like there should be some rule about re-opening a restaurant within a week of it being an active crime scene." Charissa observed as she wiped down a table. "If anything, it's a health hazard."

"Are you serious?" You scoffed. You'd been tasked with refilling the salt shakers. Appropriate, because there was plenty of salt to go around. "Demand for this place has never been higher. Everyone wants to see if the blood is still on the carpet."

"Hooray for capitalism." She rolled her eyes. "Are you gonna be okay, [F/N]?"

"'Okay' is a very relative term." You forced a laugh. "I think I can make it through the shift if that's what you're asking."

"Aren't you behind the bar all evening?" She asked.

"Yeah, but that means I'm trapped." You folded your arms. "First thing you see when you walk in is the waitress who survived the- what are they calling him?"

"The Baltimore Butcher." She answered with a voice full of vitriol. "Do you think they ever consider the ramifications of giving literal murderers these weird superhero names? Like, no wonder we get copycats, they treat these guys like celebrities."

"Holy shit, right?!" You slammed the salt shaker down on the table. "Y'know, last night on the news, they used the creep's graduation photo and kept saying that he was a good Christian young man with a lot of prospects."

Charissa stuck out her tongue in disgust. "I saw that. And how he was 'corrupted' by crack cocaine. Once again, blaming a drug that was used to villainize poor Black neighborhoods in the 80's as some kind of corrupting agent."

You nodded furiously. "Instead of understanding that Christianity is a violent imperialist religion that lets violent white men absolve themselves of any guilt."

"And they knew it wasn't crack." Charissa added. "I heard that shit was completely uncut. You know he spent a lot on it."

"And I will say this until the day I am put in the goddamn ground," you tensed up. "The only reason the fucker escaped is because he is white."

"Hey y'all." Another waitress walked in for her shift. "What are we talking about?"

"Cocaine." Charissa answered. “Also white privilege.” 

"Great." She said dismissively. "Hey [F/N], can I scoop up that bar shift? I could really use the tips."

"Madison!" Charissa scolded. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" Madison shrugged and glanced at you. "I didn't get any paid time off. I need the money."

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Charissa scowled. "Are you seriously joking about her trauma?!"

"It's fine, she can have it." You rolled your eyes, then turned them to Madison. "Just know you're the reason I have survivor's guilt."

"Well now I feel bad." Madison frowned.

"Good." You and Charissa said in unison.

It was sort of comforting to get back to the script. Almost nostalgic. It provided the illusion of normalcy in an incredibly abnormal new reality. 

You approached the first table in Madison’s block, hoping for a new beginning. A young woman with fiery red hair sat alone by the window. 

“Hi!” You greeted, with a smile as genuine as you could muster. “My name is [F/N], I’ll be your waiter tonight.” 

The woman smiled back. “Evening.” 

You couldn’t tell what, but something was off. Perhaps you were trying too hard to force normalcy. Or maybe it was the borderline predatory way the woman was looking at you; like a shark following a trail of blood. Either way, the vibes were rancid. 

“Can I start you off with a drink or is water okay?” You ask. 

“Could I possibly trouble you for a glass of chardonnay?” She asked, lowering her eyebrows. 

“Of course.” You nodded and reached for your pen. 

“Actually,” She corrected herself. “If you could bring a bottle and two glasses, I’m expecting company.” 

“Absolutely.” You scribble the order down on your notepad. “Do you have a preference?” 

She thought for a moment. “Oh, dealer’s choice. Whatever you prefer.” 

You soon returned to her booth with a bottle of your favorite chardonnay and two stemmed glasses. You poured a small bit in one glass to let her taste. 

“You have wonderful tastes.” She complimented, filling her glass. “It’s very delicious.” 

You rocked on your heels. “Would you like to place your order now, or do you want to wait until after your guest arrives?” 

“Actually,” she repeated, filling the other glass. “My guest is already here.” 

She slid the glass across the table and gestured to the other seat. 

You felt stupid, but there was no way to avoid this. You couldn't just not do your job. She cornered you by the confinements of your profession.

"I really can't, I'm on the clock." You said, apologetically. The wine beckoned you. "I'm sorry, maybe another time."

"Oh, bummer." The woman placed her chin in her hand and pouted. "Well, I'm sure there's something that would make your boss look the other way."

She glanced down at your bandaged hand, then met your eyes. "The bandages are a dead giveaway, [F/N] [L/N]."

You then noticed a wire sticking from her pocket. Undoubtedly some kind of recording device. You looked at the ground. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave."

"But who will drink all this wine?" She asked, raising her glass.

"Ma'am." Your voice hardened as you tried to bite back an overwhelming rage. "Please leave the restaurant. I'm not going to ask you again."

Your manager, Matthew, passed by. "What's going on here?"

"This waitress is being very rude." The woman complained. "I ordered chardonnay, and she brought me chablis."

"Chablis is a type of chardonnay." You corrected. Even you found it strange that this was the hill you were willing to die on. "She asked for my preference, and I prefer the unoaked varieties."

Matthew looked confused. "Well, she's right."

You gestured to her pocket and he caught on immediately. He narrowed his eyes. "Ma'am, please leave the premises or I'll be forced to call the police."

The woman stood up, rummaged through her pockets and slapped a handful of bills down on the table. She then proceeded to drink both glasses of wine and walk away.

Matthew looked at you apologetically as he collected the bills. "Are you sure you want to be here tonight? I can call in someone to cover for you."

You shook your head and grabbed the bottle by its neck. "No, it's okay. I appreciate the concern but I really just want things to go back to normal."

"Hey!" A woman from the adjacent table called out. You prepared to immediately recant your statement about not going home.

"We like chablis." The woman said, gesturing to herself and her friend.

Her friend joined in. "And if that nosy reporter lady isn't gonna drink it..."

You glanced at Matthew, who shrugged. "Sure. It's yours."

The women exchanged delighted looks as you placed the bottle on their table. Matthew handed you a couple of clean glasses and you began to pour.

"For this wine, I suggest any of our wonderful seafood dishes." You explained, your cheeks stinging with a smile. "It also pairs quite nicely with chicken and game bird."

"Thank you." One of the women said. "If you don't mind, we'd like to take a look at the menu, please."

"Of course." You nodded. "Just flag me down whenever you're ready."

"This is why I put you behind the bar, by the way." Matthew gently scolded you as you collected the soiled glasses.

"Didn't you hear?" You said. "Madison needs the money because we can't all have paid time off."

"You should have come to me first." He sighed. "She has no right to say those things to you."

"Never stopped her before." You shrugged.

"I'll talk with her after the dinner rush." He said. "Just... try not to get cornered tonight, okay?"

"I'll do my best." You answered, flatly. “Because that’s definitely something I can control.” 

The rest of your shift went smoothly, or, as smoothly as could be expected given the circumstances. The nosy reporter was right, your bandage was a dead giveaway. You had to dodge a couple of questions, but most people had enough decorum to know the wound--metaphorical and literal--was still fresh. 

You said goodbye to Matthew and Charissa, collected your things and walked out to your car. You put the key in the ignition, only to find your gas tank was completely empty. You had just filled it that morning. 

You bit back a scream and fought the urge to slam your head against the steering wheel. Throwing the door open, you mentally prepared yourself to either make a long trek to the nearest gas station, or beat someone up.

“Looking for this?” A smug voice said over the cicadas. 

You turned around and saw the nosy reporter from before holding up a canister. A deep, blistering fury overtook your face as you slammed the car door. “You siphoned my fucking gas?” 

 “It’s not like you left me with much choice, [F/N].” She crossed her arms. “You’ll get it back once you answer my questions.” 

You threw your head back in disbelief. “You’re Freddie Lounds, aren’t you?” 

“I see I’m not the only one who does my research.” She said, looking a bit impressed. “How’d you know?” 

“It’s the first thing that comes up when you search ‘unethical crime journalists Baltimore’.” You answered. “There’s a whole flair dedicated to you on the subreddit for murder survivors.” 

Freddie seemed proud of herself. “Need a ride?” 

“I’d rather drive off a cliff.” You said, honestly, before turning around to leave. 

“Where are you going?” She walked after you. 

“To get more fucking gas, you evil bitch.” You shouted back. “Are you gonna follow me to the BP too?” 

“Look, I heard what you were saying to your friend.” She called out. “About white privilege.”

“Yeah,” You rolled your eyes. “It’s the same privilege that allows you to siphon a stranger’s gas and sit in a parking lot all night without getting arrested.”

“And I agree with you.” She hurried to your side, her chunky platform boots clacking against the asphalt. “They did you dirty and they’re shooting themselves in the foot by not listening to you.” 

You turned around and threw up your arms. “Why didn’t you just lead with that?”

“I invited you to sit down over a bottle of wine, did I not?” Freddie chuckled. 

“Cornering me at work is not a gesture of goodwill.” You huffed. “And I actually do want to put my story out there, but all you’re accomplishing by stalking me is guaranteeing you won’t be the one to do it.” 

“Are you really in a position to be that selective?” Freddie smirked and placed all her weight on one hip. 

You groaned. “What?” 

“The Baltimore Butcher is still out there, and you won’t be the hot new victim forever.” She grinned sadistically. “Soon enough, him or some other psycho is going to strike, and your fifteen minutes of fame are up.” 

“Good. Then I can go back to living my life.” You said. 

“But what if his next victim is a Christian?” Freddie grabbed your shoulder. “What if the next person who narrowly avoids getting their throat slashed decides to go on record and say that he doesn’t represent ‘real Christianity’?” 

You went quiet. You hadn’t considered it, but the thought of anyone downplaying his faith as a motivation made your blood boil. You looked into the man’s eyes and saw a person driven to kill for his god. A god he shared with the crusaders, conquistadors and slavers. 

“...but it does. Christians colonized half the planet for--” 

You stopped yourself when you saw Freddie’s smile. 

“You want to get on your soapbox, now’s your chance.” She bit her lip. “Take control of the conversation while you still can.” 

“Fine.” You spat. “I get off work tomorrow at four.” 

Freddie shoved the gas can into your hands. “I’ll see you then.” 

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Retrospective Review: Casino Royale (2006)

So after thinking about it, I figured that with No Time to Die coming out soon, the Craig Bond era Bond movies deserve a post per film. Casino Royale is the film that got me into Bond. I had seen some of the Brosnan films by then, but they didn't really stick to me much. Perhaps also because I was reasonably young when the Brosnan films came out. But Casino Royale came out during my teen years, where I was starting to get into more dark and gritty movies. To me, this movie and Batman Begins, are cut from the same cloth. Both rebooting characters that had gotten too campy in previous iterations, both brilliant origin stories, and both grounded in reality and gritty. Its no wonder that both version of these characters ended up being my favorite versions. Casino Royale is still easily my favorite Bond film to date.

Truthfully, to me this film is near perfection as an action-thriller. For classic Bond fans who have grown up with the franchise and want specific things like Moneypenny and Q and various gadgets, this film may not be as endearing because it very specifically goes away from being gadget heavy and doesn't give Bond a support staff other than Mathis. I think the most high tech thing in the movie was a portable defibrillator. But this film had me from the very beginning in the black and white sequence and how it showed Bond's two kills to become 007 and how it reimagined the classic opening shot of Bond shooting and the blood red soaking over the screen. I just new we were in for something special from the very beginning. What's amazing is the pacing of this film. This was the longest Bond film since OHMSS at the time. I have watched all prior Bond films and I have felt restless at times while watching them, but not when watching Casino Royale. There is constantly something happening and it keeps you engaged. Not once was I bored in the movie.

The action in the film is absolutely high class. I think its the best Bond action that I have seen. The most classic scene of course is the incredible Parkour chase. Its incredibly exhilarating and major kudos to the guy who did the stunts for the bomb maker. You also get a real understanding of what a brute force this Bond is. While the Bomb maker chooses to jump through the window, Bond will burst through the wall. The Bomb maker will climb construction rods, Bond will just drive a bulldozer and destroy the construction and climb up. When the bomb maker throws the gun at him, Bond just catches it and throws it right back. Little things like that give Bond a personality that is different. But this is only the first great action sequence. There is the Miami airport truck sequence that is also brilliant. You have to love the smug smile on Bond's face when the bomber accidentally blows himself up. There is the staircase fight which is brutal and visceral. Then there is final fight scene in Venice which is emotional and tragic and is the true making of Bond. In between it all, there is the Poker game which is surprisingly entertaining given it takes up quite a chunk of time. There are also some incredibly tense sequences which are laced with humor, like the Bond poisoning scene where Bond almost gets killed and then returns with a classic one liner to leave Le Chiffre dumbfounded. There is the torture scene which is hilarious because of how Bond reacts to the torture and eggs him on in a way. The film never lets up in the action and the thrills.

An enormous part of the success of the film is the casting of Mads Mikkelson as Le Chiffre. I had not known Mads from anywhere before this, but he is immediately compelling and enigmatic. More importantly, rather than just being an all powerful villain to foil, he feels like a human. The tearing blood is a great, sinister gimmick, but you feel like he is on the edge when he loses money in the stock market due to Bond. You feel his desperation in some of the Poker scenes, as well as when the african fighters find him at the hotel, and then when he is torturing Bond to find the location of the money. I am not sure whether I like him more than Bardem's Silva or not, but its telling that the best Bond movies of Craig's era have the best villains. This film put him on the map for me and I loved him as Hannibal, saw him Dr. Strange, and I want see how he does as Grindelwald in the next Fantastic Beasts movie.

However, what elevates this film beyond any prior Bond movie is the casting of Eva Green as Vesper Lynd. She is the best Bond girl ever put to film and the romance between her and Bond is one of the most heartfelt and tragic romances that I have seen. The chemistry between the two actors/characters is electric from their very first scene in the train. The film gives them everything. There are deeply intimate scenes between the two which are not remotely sexual such as the tender shower scene where Bond comforts Vesper after the stairwell fight, many instances of witty repartee, scenes of romance, and then the bitter tragedy of her betrayal and her death. Even her death scene is picturized in a way where you really feel the connection as you can tell that Vesper can't bear to live with what she's done. The film doesn't flinch when showing her drown so it engulfs the audience in the same horror and sadness that Bond is feeling. In general, you experience the same emotions as Bond does as you can't help but fall in love with Vesper and just at the point of happily ever after, it all turns to ash. Its a phenomenal character arc and it also does a great job of establishing how Bond became so cold. Its a fantastic performance from Eva Green, and yet another instance of an actor who put herself on the map in my eyes.

And then there is the man himself. Yet another actor who I knew very little about. At that point everyone thought Craig wasn't good looking enough, not tall enough, not charismatic enough etc... to play Bond. But boy did he just blow expectations away. He is my Bond for sure because his performance is just exceptional in every way. He is built like a tank and is a force of nature, but Craig brings a tender vulnerability, perfectly suited for a young Bond. He looks dapper, is charismatic, is great in the fight scenes, and you genuinely feel he could beat the crap out of people. As I have already mentioned, there are so many touches to his performance that is unique to him. The brutality he brings in the fight scenes, the smirk at the end of the Miami scene, the heartfelt tenderness in the shower scene, the twinkly eyes humor, the rage when he is betrayed, the devastation at Vesper's death, and then the coldness that comes after that. He gets to show a full range, and he delivers every aspect with perfection.

One of the major carryovers from Brosnan era, was Jud Dench as M. And she gets a lot more to do during the Craig era. She is phenomenal as she always is. The dynamic between her and Bond is slightly more stern maternal in the Craig era compared to Brosnan and their interactions are great. Jeffrey Wright brings Felix Leiter back into the fold for the first time since License to Kill and he's a welcome presence as always. Giancarlo Giannini is also pretty great as Mathis and I'm glad he came back in QoS. Jesper Christensen has a quiet presence as Mr. White, who makes recurring appearances in the future.

I feel not enough people give Martin Cambell credit for what he has done. Twice he has launched Bonds successfully. GoldenEye was really good and Casino Royale is just outstanding. I have never paid much attention to the Bond song but the song for Casino Royale is pretty great. Again its telling that the two songs that I remember from Bond movies are from Casino Royale and Skyfall. Anyways, Casino Royale is a near perfect movie, especially for someone who is new to Bond. It really launched Bond into the modern world and got him away from the cold war era type plots. If I had to quibble about something, I would say some of the scenes in the Bahamas are a little slower and maybe 5-10 minutes can be edited down but even those scenes are great character scenes and we get a new origin of the DB5. A 9.5/10 for me.

[xxgothchatonxx]

Ok, so we all know Anthony Hopkins was awesome in SOTL... but can you imagine if they kept Brian Cox as Hannibal?

Like imagine having all this build up about Dr. Lecter being this monstrous boogeyman... but then Clarice is just faced with this smug jackass. 

Just... look at that face... this performance was a gift, okay?

Again, need to clarify, “smug jackass” is said with utmost amount of affection and admiration because, oh my god, Brian Cox as Hannibal was just *chef’s kiss*

Ok but seriously, there’s always going to be a part of me that wonders “...so how would this work?” because this Hannibal worked so damn well with Manhunter’s Will Graham, so I wonder how he would work with Clarice. (Please note that I’m talking about an alternate universe where Hopkins never played Lecter. Also I’m not saying “pfft Brian would’ve been so much better” because if watch both of these performances in the context of their films, you absolutely CANNOT compare them.)

I’m imagining a lot of sass and trying-so-hard-to-not-swear-their-head-off energies between Lecter and Starling. And s*xual tension of course because, well, it’s Clannibal. 

So.. yep, there’s my random Hannibal thought of the day. What if instead of the boogeyman, Clarice was just faced with a jackass? 

[trashyswitch]

Horror Movies on Valentine's Day

Thomas is celebrating Valentine's Day with all the sides individually before the 14th actually comes around. Today is his 'date night' with Virgil and as it turns out: horror movies have become the new romantic genre!

This prompt was put together during a roleplay with Pumpkinpaw. With her permission, I could create (and edit the hell out of) this fanfic! I hope you enjoy the fanfic, Lu!

And Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends, online friends, and followers on AO3 and Tumblr! I know there are some people who don't like Valentine's Day because it's turned into a money grab and expectation creator, but hey: the whole holiday started out in Rome and included sacrificing 2 men named Valentine. This happened a few times during the third century! 

Sooooooo: Fuck off love! (THIS IS A JOKE!)

Thomas had been trying to hang out with all the sides as Valentine's Day showed up. He often tried to save the Valentine’s family/friends stuff on actual Valentine’s day, and would celebrate with the sides before the day. He adored them and wanted to show his appreciation for all the parts of him that made him Thomas Sanders.

He had started out with Patton because he had known him the longest. He made Valentine’s crafts and cards with the Dad, and had a snuggle party with all of Patton’s stuffed animals! They even made little palm-sized heart pillows! They were so cute and a couple of them ended up with googly eyes and pink lipstick!

For Logan, Thomas had put together some board games to play and shared a cup of red wine with him. Logan often liked simple and enjoyable, so Thomas offered that to him. He also...may or may not have drawn little hearts and cheesy messages on Logan’s face by the time he fell asleep from the wine...

When he moved onto Roman, Thomas threw a red-themed Valentine’s Day fiesca for him. Roman happily enjoyed the endless chocolate bits, the cute little edible hearts and absolutely loved the roses he received for Valentines day. “I no longer feel single this Valentine’s Day!” Roman had reacted, crying a tear or two.

Now, it was Virgil’s turn. He didn’t really know what exactly to do because of his ‘darker’ aesthetic. But, he knew Virgil would help him figure out what they could do together. Thomas called him and had him summoned in front of him.

Virgil stumbled a little as he was summoned. “Oh- Jeez! Warn a dude, Thomas!” Virgil reacted, thrown a little off guard by the sudden change of scenery.

Thomas bit his lip in both guilt yet amusement. “Hi Virgil. Sorry about that.” Thomas replied, waving.

Virgil adjusted his sweater and moved his bangs back into his eyes. “‘Sup Thomas. Whatddya need?” He asked.

Thomas chuckled and handed him a card that said ‘Valentine I’m batty for you’ with a cute bat and a few black and purple hearts below it. Virgil smiled a little at the gesture. “Thanks Thomas. You didn’t have to.”

Thomas laughed at that. “I wanted to! I wanted to hang out with you!” Thomas told him.

Virgil raised his eyebrows. “Say what now?”

Thomas giggled. “I want to hang out with you.” Thomas repeated.

Virgil looked around a little and shrugged his shoulders. “Alright.”

Virgil took his invite, but his eyes said something a little different.

“You okay?” Thomas asked.

Virgil bit his lip and looked away. “Why the hell do you wanna hang out with me of all people?” Virgil asked.

Thomas’s face softened as he opened his arms to him. Virgil reluctantly took the hug, and grew surprised when he felt Thomas sit him down. “Because I’m celebrating Valentine’s day with all the sides!” Thomas replied.

Virgil lifted an eyebrow. “But...Why me? Anxiety? Hello?” Virgil asked, a little more bluntly. “Why not Patton?”

Thomas smiled at that. “Cause I’m in the mood to hang out with you!” Thomas replied. “And I already hung out with Patton recently.”

Virgil blinked in surprise. “Uh…okay…”

Virgil shifted in his seat, not sure what he had planned. “So...What do you wanna...y’know...do?” he asked.

Thomas shrugged his shoulders. “I have no idea. What do you do on Valentines day?” Thomas asked.

Virgil scoffed and smiled. “Horror movies are usually my go-to.” He admitted.

Now it was Thomas’s turn to be surprised. “Really? You watch horror movies?” Thomas reacted.

Virgil smirked and snickered. “I watch them all the time.” Virgil replied.

Thomas bit his lip. “I...but you’re…”

“I’m fight or flight? Yeah, funnily enough: I don’t get spooked easily.” Virgil added.

Thomas widened his eyes and clapped his hands. “Alright! Let’s watch a horror movie!” Thomas replied, turning on the TV. “Any specific horror movies you wanna watch?” he asked.

Virgil shrugged his shoulders. “It doesn’t really matter.”

Thomas soon came up with ‘The Silence of the Lambs’.

Virgil laughed when Thomas considered that one. “Do I look like a Remus to you?” He asked.

“No, but I do know you like cult classics. And this is as classic as it gets.” Thomas replied. “And: it was released on February 14th.” He added.

Virgil looked at the screen with a confused and surprised face. “Why was that the release date option for this thriller movie?” Virgil asked.

“Maybe we can watch and find out ourselves?” Thomas offered.

Virgil chuckled. “Oh BoY! I cAn’T wAiT!” Virgil declared in his best Remus impression. Thomas bursted out laughing at that. “Oh! I have an idea.” Virgil added suddenly. Thomas slowly stopped laughing and looked at him. “Let’s turn this into a game. First person to get scared gets tickled for an hour.” Virgil suggested.

Thomas raised his eyebrows. “Really?! Where the heck did that come from?!” Thomas asked.

Virgil froze up a little and bit his lip. “Remus and I used to play it.” Virgil admitted. “It was a challenge option that suited both of us, and we would make challenges based on the movies.” Virgil explained.

Thomas smiled and poked his side. Virgil jumped and shot him a warning look with a smirk. “The movie hasn’t started yet! That’s cheating!” Virgil yelled at him.

Thomas threw his hands up. “Fine, fine! Okay.” Thomas turned on the movie.

“Good luck.” Virgil purred in a teasy, smug voice.

Thomas smirked. “Good luck to you too.” He replied. Virgil gave Thomas a push as the production logos finished playing.

The movie started off with Clarice training and running in the woods. The movie moved right along to Clarice getting the case all the way to her seeing the information about Dr. Hannibal Lector and meeting him. The meeting was mostly quiet and as a result, it had been turned up quite loudly to catch the dialogue.

Partway through their first meeting, Clarice calmly throws a comeback to Dr. Lector’s personal and over specific observations about Clarice. Virgil smiled at Clarice’s intelligence. The feeling of satisfaction filled him as he looked away for only a minute, before the sound of something screeching made him jump and look back over.

The screeching was only a desk. A bloody desk. The movie had been so quiet until then.

Thomas laughed at this and started wiggling his fingers menacingly. “60 minutes of tickles is a gooooo!” He declared excitedly.

Virgil yelped and leaned back. “N-No! Nah! I-I wasn’t ready!-”

Thomas giggled and brought his fingers closer and closer to Virgil. “No one’s eeeever ready for jumpscares…” Thomas reminded him slyly.

Virgil bit his lip as a wobbly grin appeared on his face.

“Hey Alexa! Set a timer for 60 minutes!” Thomas yelled to the Alexa in the kitchen.

Virgil widened his eyes and punched his arm lightly. “You ass!”

[Setting a timer for 60 minutes.] Alexa replied.

Thomas immediately started tickling his sides and ribs first. Virgil grunted and bucked his hips, refusing to give him what he wanted without a fight. Thomas snickered at his determination. “I should’ve known the ticklish emo would hide his giggles.” Thomas said with a sly voice. “Am I gonna have to work to get any laughter out of you?” He asked as well.

Virgil glared at him, pushing Thomas’s shoulders while he fought. In response: Thomas grabbed his wrist sleeves in one hand, and pinned them a couple feet above Virgil’s own belly.

Virgil fought to pull his wrists away. “You won’t get me laughing.” Virgil angrily vowed, struggling to pull his sweater sleeves out of Thomas’s hand.

Thomas giggled at that, and took a mental note of the unzipped sweater. “There there, we’ll see about that!” Thomas dug his fingers into the open armpit. “A tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle-tickle!” Thomas teased as he moved his hand down to his upper ribs.

Virgil blushed a bright red from the teasing alone, and bit his lip hard as he writhed under the man.

Next, Thomas moved his hands to his belly and started drumming and squishing it. “Look at dis wittle bewwyyyy! It’s so squooshy and adorable!” Thomas teased even further in a baby voice.

By now, the teasing and tickling was starting to get to him. Virgil had started letting out a few little giggles here and there. “Shuhut uhup!” Virgil shot back.

Thomas gasped excitedly. “Was that a giggle I heard?” Thomas teased, still treating Virgil like a little kid.

Virgil just growled at that. “F-Fuck off.”

Thomas just continued to tickle him, going higher and higher pitched to baby him even more. “Was that a giggle I heard?” Thomas moved his hand to his side and started squeezing. “Was that a giggle giggle giggle I heard?” Thomas teased with his face closer to Virgil’s. Virgil clenched his teeth and started slightly tittering as his lips stretched and loosened. “I think it was!” Thomas answered his own question.

Virgil’s throat was letting out little titters and giggles while his lips were working against him and creating a smile despite his attempts to stop it. “Sh-Shuhut uhup! Ahass!” Virgil shot back hollowly while kicking and bucking to get Thomas off of him.

Thomas giggled and took another look at the unzipped sweater. The reality of the situation was that Virgil could easily get out of there. He could easily slip his hands out and run away without his jacket. So Virgil was either super connected to his jacket, or Virgil didn’t want to escape!

“Hey Virgil?” Thomas asked.

“Whahahat?” He responded.

“Do you like being tickled?” he asked him.

Virgil scoffed at that. “Whahat gahave yohohou thahat idehea?” Virgil shot back with a deepening red blush.

Thomas smirked and leaned in. “Don’t make me do it…” He warned. “Dooon’t make me do the raspberry thing!” Thomas warned, leaning closer and closer with a big smirk on his face.

Virgil glared defiantly at him. But...there was the slightest smirk on his face that told him everything: “Fuck. Off.”

Thomas smiled as he listened to that reply, and blew a BIG raspberry on Virgil’s covered belly. Virgil threw his head back and SCREAMED!

Thomas bursted out laughing at him as he lifted his head away from his belly. “Here lies Virgil Sanders. A beloved person with a blunt yet secretly caring attitude towards life. May his soul and cohohonfidehehence-” Thomas had to pause to let himself laugh at his own stupid joke, “Rehest in peheheace.”

Virgil punched Thomas in the arm with his ‘bound’ arm lightly. “Shuhuhut the fuhuhuck up!” He yelled back at him.

Thomas smiled in pure amusement as he resumed tickling his side. The man leaned in again and blew another belly raspberry on his ticklish victim.

Virgil started squealing and kicking as his laughter finally broke free from his lungs. “FAAAHAHAHAHAHAHACK!”

Thomas gasped excitedly and threw his fist in the air! “YES! I DID IT!” he shouted before returning back to tickling. Virgil just hissed through his laughter and shook his head.

Thomas quickly started tickling up and down his ribs and sides. He wanted to get as much laughter as he could out of Virgil, before the hour ended and the movie resumed.

Virgil threw his head back as he laughed harder, while squirming and shaking his body back and forth.

“Listen to his laughter! You can surely tell he’s experiencing heaven!” Thomas declared proudly.

Virgil glared right at Thomas again, kicking his legs uselessly behind Thomas.

Thomas took this as evidence to the truth. “Or maybe, this IS his heaven!” Thomas offered. “Is getting tickled by your main Sanders your ultimate choice of heaven?” Thomas teased.

Virgil’s face was bright and shaded with blush from forehead to collar bones. “I HAHAHATE YOHOHOHOU!” He shouted back.

Thomas sent Virgil a fake pity face. “Awww, I don’t think you hate me that much, do you?” Thomas asked, before giving Virgil’s belly button a poke.

Finally, Virgil pushed against him and tried sitting up. “Yehehehes!”

But Thomas gasped in hurt and offense. “How DARE you!” He reacted. “That hurts my poor, weakened heart! How dare you say such nasty things!” Thomas reacted dramatically, almost replicating a Roman move.

Virgil completely paled at his expression and immediately tried scrambling off the couch. But Thomas was fast! The man wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist and pulled him right back into his ticklish demise. This time: in his lap.

“Screw you dude!” Virgil shot at him.

“The hour isn’t up yet, Virgil!” Thomas reminded him.

“I don’t care!” Virgil argued, squealing as Thomas was already getting back to work.

Thomas wrapped one arm around Virgil’s waist and used the other hand to squeeze and dig into Virgil’s hip. Virgil threw his head back against Thomas’s shoulder and laughed his heart out. This made Thomas smile happily. Listening to Virgil’s laugh was like a treat to anyone. So Thomas made it a point to listen to it without his own teasing drowning out the pretty sound.

Virgil continued to push against him, but his force had lessened quite dramatically from earlier. As an ending finale, Thomas made his other arm join around Virgil’s waist and blew a raspberry into his neck.

Thomas was expecting a loud scream, a burst of cackles or a snort of some sort!

But all he got was a short giggle fit. Though it was a lackluster finale, Thomas still applauded the sound of Virgil’s giggles.

Thomas lifted his head back up and noticed there was STILL no alarm going off to indicate the end of the timer. So, he decided to ask. “Het Alexa! How much time is left?” He asked.

[There is 10 minutes left on the timer. Would you like to stop it, Gay Lord?] Alexa asked.

Virgil wheezed at the unexpected nickname. THAT WAS THE ALEXA’S NICKNAME FOR THOMAS?! IT WAS PERFECT!

“GAHAHAHAY LOHOHOHORD!”

Thomas snickered at that too. “Ihi forgot I set that as my nickname!” he admitted.

Virgil snorted at that and continued to laugh hysterically at the nickname.

Yehehehes, stop the tihimer!” Thomas replied to Alexa.

[............You will need to connect to the internet first-]

Thomas leaned forward and bursted out laughing at that, while Virgil shook his head. “FUHUCK YOU, ALEXA!” Thomas yelled at the AI.

[But...But…]

Virgil leaned his head back against Thomas’s chest and laughed himself to tears. Virgil’s entire body was shaking and spasming from how hard he was laughing. Thomas was also just allowing himself to die of laughter. As it would turn out, the tickling he got from Thomas was nothing compared to Alexa’s stupidity! Alexa’s stupidity seemed to make him laugh even more!

Well, make that both of them.

Thomas soon stopped laughing and patted Virgil’s back to help him get it out so he could breath. Virgil had been tickled AND thrown into more fits of laughter after. So he was in more dire need of breath now than before.

Virgil eventually stopped laughing and was left with heavy panting. “Ahahaha...oh...oh my gosh…” Virgil tried to speak. “I...I’ll admit...I…” Virgil was starting to confess something to him.

Thomas allowed him time to get his words out and rested his head on the back of the couch. Thomas took the time to stop the movie that was still playing while they had the tickle fight.

Virgil bit his lip. “I...had a lot of fun…” He finally got out.

Thomas smiled genuinely at that. “Yeah?”

Virgil turned to look at Thomas behind him, and nodded. “Yeah.”

Thomas hugged Virgil from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. But Virgil turned himself around and gave Thomas a tight hug. Virgil’s eyeshadow had turned a purple color from the love and affection he was getting. But there was still one more thing he wanted to tell Thomas.

“Thomas?” Virgil called.

Thomas tilted his head. “Yes?”

Virgil purred. “Uh...I uh…” He closed his eyes. “I love you.”

Thomas smiled and gently fluffed his hair. “I love you too Virgil!” Thomas replied.

Virgil cuddled up against Thomas and allowed him to play with his hair more. Virgil started to purr and melt into the touch he was being given. Before they knew it, both the boys had fallen asleep.

Later on, Roman had walked out of the room and noticed the two cuddlers. He giggled and took a picture before sending it to the others. After that, Roman draped a blanket on top of them and sat down on the other side of the couch.

Logan: [I’m delighted to see Thomas and Virgil spending time together.]

Janus: [This is totally not the cutest thing I’ve seen in ages.]

Roman laughed at Janus’s reaction and replied: [I know, right?!]

Remus: [Awww! Cuties! 💚💚]

Patton: [Look at my two adorable kiddos cuddling!! 💖😻 I set it as my lock screen!]

[juuls]

I totally think that there should be a Goodreads (book review site) version/skin/mod/whatever you call it where you have the option of ‘being’ Roger Ebert:

The ability to give 0 star or Thumbs Down reviews.

The ability to give half star increments.

A carefully selected and curated pool of form reviews from past Roger Ebert movie reviews where he holds nothing back (either in praise or in derision), which we can select to express our praise or disdain for what we just read, such as:

There are some… unfortunate(ly hilarious) reviews Ebert has left over the years:

On North: “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.” (Ouch.)

On One Woman or Two: “Add it all up, and what you've got here is a waste of good electricity. I'm not talking about the electricity between the actors. I'm talking about the current to the projector.”

On Freddie Got Fingered: “This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.”

" “Tommy Boy" is one of those movies that plays like an explosion down at the screenplay factory. You can almost picture a bewildered office boy, his face smudged with soot, wandering through the ruins and rescuing pages at random. Too bad they didn't mail them to the insurance company instead of filming them.”

I mean…. Owwwwwww!

But….

He does have good reviews as well, that would work in our Goodreads mod!

“Viewing Hiyao Miyazaki's "Spirited Away" for the third time, I was struck by a quality between generosity and love. On earlier viewings I was caught up by the boundless imagination of the story. This time I began to focus on the elements in the picture that didn't need to be there. Animation is a painstaking process, and there is a tendency to simplify its visual elements. Miyazaki, in contrast, offers complexity. His backgrounds are rich in detail, his canvas embraces space liberally, and it is all drawn with meticulous attention. We may not pay much conscious attention to the corners of the frame, but we know they are there, and they reinforce the remarkable precision of his fantasy worlds.”

"Contact" is a film that takes place at the intersection of science, politics and faith. Those are three subjects that don't always fit easily together. In the film, an alien intelligence transmits an image of three pages of encrypted symbols. It is clear where the corners of each page are. It is also clear that the three corners are intended to come together in some way to make single image. Scientists are baffled in their attempts to bring the pages together. The solution, when we see it, provides an Eureka Moment. It is so simple, and yet so difficult to conceive of. It may be intended as a sort of intelligence test.

“There is a quality to the color photography in Werner Herzog's "Nosferatu the Vampyre" that seeps into your bones. It would be inadequate to call it "saturated." It is rich, heavy, deep. The earth looks cold and dirty. There isn't a lot of green, and it looks wet. Mountains look craggy, gray, sharp-edged. Interiors are filmed in bold reds and browns and whites -- whites, especially, for the faces, and above all for Count Dracula's. It is a film of remarkable beauty, but makes no effort to attract or visually coddle us. The spectacular journey by foot and coach to Dracula's remote Transylvanian castle is deliberately not made to seem scenic.”

On Se7en: “The killer, as I said, turns himself in with 30 minutes to go, and dominates the film from that point forward. When "Seven" was released in 1995 the ads, posters and opening credits didn't mention the name of the actor, and although you may well know it, I don't think I will either. This actor has a big assignment. He embodies Evil. Like Hannibal Lecter, his character must be played by a strong actor who projects not merely villainy but twisted psychological complexities. Observe his face. Smug. Self-satisfied. Listen to his voice. Intelligent. Analytical. Mark his composure and apparent fearlessness. The film essentially depends on him, and would go astray if the actor faltered. He doesn't.”

" “Groundhog Day" is a film that finds its note and purpose so precisely that its genius may not be immediately noticeable. It unfolds so inevitably, is so entertaining, so apparently effortless, that you have to stand back and slap yourself before you see how good it really is.”

So yeah: Roger Ebert, if nothing else, we salute you for your cattiness and love for movies—so much so you even went to see Catwoman. Yikes.

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #3: “Nightmare Generator” | June 20, 2005 – 12:00AM | S01E16

I’m like getting pisseder and pisseder at this show! Damn!

First sketch of note is Subway Jarred breaking his diet after passing out in the bathroom of a bakery and waking up after hours, locked in for the night. The performance on this one I give some points for, opting to give Jarred that same stilted delivery he has in his commercials. But this is such a high-school-brained premise that I didn’t think it was funny at all. Though it’s weird when you look back on Jarred-related comedy and remember a time when it seemed mean-spirited to just attack this regular guy. Thank GOD he turned out to be a child rapist. Thank you, children, for your service. You’ve made it so we may laugh, guilt-free.

NOTE: Achewood might be the standard-bearer for funniest Jarred-joke ever. I’m tacking this bit here because I couldn’t figure out how to weave it into my very meticulous prose. You know what? Why don’t you just go back to the first Achewood strip and read the whole thing from the beginning? You earned it buddy!

Next up is an unsolved murder show but it’s the characters from Rankin and Bass’s Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is FREAKING MURDERED. I really did not enjoy this, and thought it was lame, but the bit where the Yeti has multiple condoms full of cocaine burst in his stomach causing him to go on a rampage at the airport was sorta funny and looked cool. I guess I’ll give them Robot boys a point for that.

Jaws the Special Edition makes fun of the then-current trend of directors like Spielberg and Lucas messing with their old movies with new enhanced computer graphics. The joke here is about how the mechanical shark didn’t work, so Spielberg had to be creative and not show the shark much, which many film buffs (myself included... hello!) consider the reason Jaws is so effective and terrifying. So Spielberg restores the film to his original intent by re-inserting a computer generated shark into multiple scenes, showboating with state-of-the-art digital technology. There’s a decent gag showing the shark dressed like a human woman, infiltrating the early meeting scene. But one good joke does not a good sketch make (makes smug dipshit face).

There’s one funny short sketch called Euthanasia, which is a board game about killing your pets. This sketch very rightly portrays pitbulls as vicious toddler killers. What an irredeemable animal. I wish there was a pitbull holocaust!!!

The last sketch is jaw-droppingly pointless, It’s an extended parody of The A-Team that seems like it was written by a person who’d watched two episodes of it. They slightly heighten the tropes on the show to levels that almost anyone could come up with on their own. Who was begging for an A-Team takedown, anyway? Maybe it’s because I was a teenager in the late 90s and would watch repeats of The A-Team on TNN and pat myself on the back for knowing about it. This seems like it’s coming from that same place. Anyway, nothing in here is all that funny, and the entire thing is ruined by the fact that they got a guest actor to portray Hannibal, and he sounds nothing like George Peppard, so much so that I thought it was like George Peppard’s son, and this was like a Noel Blanc type situation.

CONTACTING GHOST PLANET...

Where I review pre-Adult-Swim Space Ghost episodes as a palette cleanser.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #14: “Hungry” | March 31, 1995 | S02E03

Man, this one’s pretty fun and weird. It seems like every other episode of the show has them experimenting with different elements. In this one, Zorak’s nephew Raymond visits while his uncle works. Everyone is hungry, so Space Ghost orders a pizza, in a weird little filmed bit set at a pizzeria. Space Ghost is also bombarded by Mujibur & Sirajul as seen on the Letterman show. Honestly, this reference has always eluded me. I saw a decent amount of NBC Letterman when I was very young and had trouble sleeping; I would regularly get out of bed after a couple hours of not falling asleep and my parents would let me watch some with them before sending me back to bed. I outgrew this practice and didn’t really see the CBS years much at all. I’d drop in on him as an adult here and there.

The proper celebrity guests being interviewed are Lassie and Michael Stipe from R.E.M. I’d like this write-up to keep being fun but I googled his name with “sexual assault” and (tugs collar). This interview is pretty funny though. Subway Jarred and Michael Stipe! Huh who’d a thunk it!

This one has one of my favorite gags ever, which is at the end we cut back to Zorak and we find out he devoured his nephew, prompting a memorial photo montage. Each photo is absurd, but my favorite shows Moltar taking a bubble bath with Raymond in the middle of a busy freeway. That’s just... so stupid. It’s stupid in a way that is absolutely beautiful, and pure. I love this show.

[madness-shared-by-two]

something very short and fluffy that I wanted to write. just imagine they were boyfriends in season 1. don't ask me why Winston is at hannibal house idk. I wrote this and didn't look back so who knows what's there. anyways dedicated to my wife @the-chesapeake-shipper bc I love her and she's leaving tumblr so this is in her honor (don't think I'm gonna stop sending you my fics if you still want to read them emma)

...

Will’s knee is jumping up and down almost imperceptibly quickly, but Hannibal, ever detail-oriented, can’t focus on his book when he catches sight of it across from him. Will hasn’t seemed to notice, his eyes tracing over something on the computer screen resting on his lap, even though the computer is shaking with the tremors of his movements. The light in the room is dim, with only Hannibal’s lamp on his side table casting warm light over his armchair. Will’s glasses reflect the harsh, icy light of his laptop screen.

Hannibal sighs quietly and sets his books down gently on the side table, pulling the chain on the light until it blinks into darkness. He stands, brushing invisible dust from his sweater, and crosses to the couch where Will’s stressing. Winston perks his head up from his snoozing on the couch, gaze tracing his steps, but Will doesn’t even blink.

He stops before Will and brushes his fingers across the distracted man’s still shaking knee. He immediately jumps, his eyes darting around the room before the tension eases when he meets Hannibal’s eyes. He blinks, trying to adjust to the semi darkness, and brings a hand up to rub at his eyes hidden behind his glasses. “Sorry, guess I was distracted,” he says sheepishly, dropping his eyes back to the computer screen and squinting as he tries to read through the harsh light.

“I could tell,” Hannibal smiles ruefully and his hand moves to the top of the computer, slowly pushing it down.

Will whines softly and catches it with his hand, “I just need to finish this.” He gazes at Hannibal pleadingly. Hannibal glances at Winston on the other side of the couch and it’s the same face. He sighs and drops his hand. Will grins.

“You need sleep, Will,” he comments, turning away to move Winston farther down so he can sit next in between them on the couch. It’s old and lumpy in places as he settles down. It’s also covered in dog hair, he notices with disdain.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” Will replies, not looking up, as his knee starts bouncing again.

Hannibal glares at it, a sign of his failure to shelter Will’s wellbeing, “Don’t tempt me,” he mutters under his breath. Will lets out a loud laugh and the room seems brighter.

Hannibal grins and leans over to look at Will’s screen. He blinks through the blinding light that’s surely ruining Will’s eyes. It’s some report that Jack’s surely asked Will to do in one night that would take any sane person a week. Anger towards Jack is always smoldering in the back of his head, but as he glances at Will’s face and sees the dark circles under his eyes and the feverish tap of his fingers on the keys and his knee rising and falling in a blur, the fire is reignited and he wants to run a blade across Jack’s throat, feel the blood slide through his fingers. Will seems to sense his train of thought, as he always does, because he grins and nudges Hannibal’s head hovering over his shoulder with his own, his dark curls tickling Hannibal’s nose until he leans back a few inches.

Will continues typing, but Hannibal no longer watches the words appear on the screen. He observes as Will’s eyes dart from one side of the screen to the other as he pauses to reread a section, sometimes mouthing a line out loud. Hannibal watches how his lips form the words and he wants to kiss them. He knows Will would just swat him away so he restrains himself.

They stay there like that until the room is swathed in darkness except the haunting light of the computer which casts their shadows as disfigured monsters on the room behind them. Will’s hitting the backspace button far more than he was an hour ago and he has to stop occasionally and rub at his eyes. Hannibal decides enough is enough. Will won’t stop and he knows nothing he can say will persuade him to close the computer, but it’s a good thing he doesn’t need words when Will’s like this.

He grins softly and reaches up to thread his hand into Will’s curls. They’re soft as he runs his fingers through them, nails ghosting over Will’s scalp. Will’s fingers fall slack on the keyboard a moment later, leaving silence to fill the emptiness as he closes his eyes and leans into Hannibal’s hand. His knee stops its movement a silent moment later.

Hannibal can’t help the quiet smile that steals across his features at Will’s easy trust in him. Will hums and mumbles a soft “I know what you’re doing.”

Hannibal’s grin grows, but his fingers don’t stop. “It appears to be working, does it not?” Will doesn’t answer just hums and drops his head to Hannibal’s shoulder, yawning loudly. Hannibal lets his other hand drift towards the open computer and pull it from his slack grip, shutting it and setting it next to Winston on his left. Will whines as it leaves his lap but doesn’t make a move to retrieve it, only turns farther into Hannibal, burying his nose in his neck.

Hannibal chuckles and Will swats at his stomach, mumbling something about ‘smug boyfriends’ that’s lost to the fabric of Hannibal’s sweater. “What was that?” Hannibal says sweetly. He can feel Will’s eye roll through his clothes and he smiles again.

Will turns his head to the side slightly so his mouth is partially uncovered and he grumbles, “You’ve clearly one this one so why don’t you carry me to bed.” He lifts his chin to glance at Hannibal, who’s staring down at him, love written across his face, despite the awkward angle.

He shakes his head but he’s still smiling as he stands, ignoring Will’s whine at his absence, and turns swiftly to scoop him up in his arms. Will immediately wraps his arms around Hannibal’s neck and turns his head into Hannibal’s chest as if to breathe him in. It’s as if he were made to fit right in Hannibal’s grasp. Maybe he is.

[coffeebeannate]

Nate Watches Things: A Saga

Or in this case, one thing. One thing that was far too long of a thing, but such a bizarre venture that I felt rather compelled to put an actual review of said thing together.

Why? Because I can and because others HAVE to experience this..this journey. A nice lil journey called Die Pfeiler der Macht/ A Dangerous Fortune. And I watched it solely because Luca looks cute in Victorian clothes, and I was intrigued by the gifs.

Curiosity has always been such a great human motivator, eh?

And..guys. I just. I don’t know what the 3-4 hours (it’s two movies, and I took a couple days to watch it) WERE, exactly, but they were..a thing? I know that it’s based on a book by Ken Follett and that this production is German. Despite being based in England. 

Oh, and Luca’s character Mickey Miranda, is uh, Spanish. Make of that what you will.

So the summary is this:

A shocking secret behind a young boys death leads to three generations of treachery in this breathtaking saga of love, power and revenge, set amid the wealth and decadence of Victorian England.

And no it does not do this thing justice whatsoever.

Review under the cut. It’s too long *again, two movies here*, and I took far too many screencaps of this absolute wtfery, and uh, it’s probably better suited for a real-time live blog but nah. You can have this instead.

Some images under the cut are NSFW because nefarious boning is a key point in this..thing.

SPOILERS. So many spoilers. This thing is a spoiler fest. The caps have a very obvious Luca bias, I know why we’re here everyone. Hehe. There’s also some triggering stuff in this thing, so be warned there too.

BEHOLD:

So, a point I want to make is that the costuming in this movie is LEGIT. If absolutely nothing else works? Note that the costuming absolutely does.

The opening credits are very nice, Luca’s very pretty, this cap serves purely to showcase that because I’m a very serious man doing a very serious review.

Pretty.

So the beginning is..confusing. We have a girl, Maisie Robinson. (Around 10-13 here?) Her father is very poor and it’s her and her two siblings. He works for a man who is part of our main characters, the Pilasters?  and they run this bank. The head of the bank commits suicide, since they’re having financial troubles and he cannot repay his workers. He pens a note to his young son *under 12 at this point*, Hugh. 

Hugh never finds out about this letter, but anyway. At the moment, it’s 1866. Maisie’s father was one of those employees. Destitute, he leaves Maisie to..raise her siblings, and goes to America.

We never hear from this man again.

Hugh goes to live with his aunt (Augusta/Augustina?), uncle Joseph, and cousins, Edward and Clara.

THEN IT’S 1877 (we jump ten years)

Maisie’s two siblings have died, and she has a daughter, Rachel now. Who is also dying. This movie is very keen on people dying. I’d also like to point out that there is like, endless plots all happening alongside one another, and it took me until mid-way into part two to even really grasp what the main plot is.

The movie has a LOT of bank talk as well. I cannot express this earnestly enough, there is SO MUCH bank chatter. SO MUCH. This thing does not have to be as long as it is but again, bank stuff.

Anyway, the one plot is that Maisie is from the poor area, she’s had a horrible life and has struggled from day one. She’s in a constant battle with Hugh, and they argue a lot. A lot. (They like each other, they met as kids, but they’re from very different worlds. Hugh has money, she doesn’t, but Hugh has suffered as well and basically it’s your normal class struggle social commentary thing).

Maisie and Hugh in 1866, as kids, after Maisie’s father left for America. This is the funeral for Hugh’s father. So that’s the theme I mean.

Anywho.

Back in 1877, this is Samuel *left*, Joseph *middle* and Edward. The Pilaster’s get marched into work like they’re freaking army Captain’s and not just rich ass bankers. Imagine saluting your CEO. At work. Outside of the military. WHERE IS THIS A THING? Maybe this was a thing in Victorian England I have no clue I’ve certainly never come across it in my studies. Ffs.

Anyway.

So while all this is going on, there’s this man that wants to marry Maisie. 

And his name is,

(That’s Rachel, Maisie’s daughter). Anyway, Solly here loves Maisie and wants to marry her. But Maisie loves Hugh, and neither of them realize this yet. Solly is a himbo and we mostly like him, but stay tuned because that doesn’t stick. Sorta. Depends on how-

Nevermind I’ll just keep going.

ANYWAY, more plot.

Here’s Edward again, doing drugs, being gay, and overall..useless. Edward is..Edward is kind of like a person who would make an interesting wall decoration. Fun enough to look at, but utterly freaking hopeless, and useless, and so dumb. Just so dumb. This character is given the substance of ash fault. Kinda like, only vaguely solid enough to be entertaining. Kinda.

I don’t know guys, BUT LOOK!

It’s his good old pal Mickey! And he’s slapped Edward awake out of his drug coma (okay he grabs his face and shakes him rather than slapping but given how much slapping happens in the rest of this movie I think I can be forgiven) and he has PLOTS.

Mostly it’s his dads plot, but it’s a plot. A very devious scheme and he needs our favourite wallpapers assistance!

(Sorry Edward, but it’s true)

So keeping in mind that the ‘theme’ of this movie is bone-and-soul crushing sadness paired with periods of intense chaos and insanity that  you never see coming, our plots continue to thicken.

What Mickey means here, is that Edward’s family denied Mickey’s father what he wanted *weapons deal*, and beat the crap out of Mickey in a carriage. But that’s fine that’s fine Mickey is not deterred! BECAUSE.

*sigh*

So.

OK.

This scene.

Remember what I said about how this movie goes from being incredibly boring to so off the walls bonkers without actually WARNING YOU that it is going to do this? Yeah.

Edward, you see, really does not ‘do’ women. He’s gay. He’s extremely gay. Edward’s mother wants him to marry Florence Stalworthy for idk rich people reasons.

So..Mickey. Uh. Mickey’s solution is..this.

What is this, you ask??

Fuck if I know.

Anyway, no, uhm. This is a brothel. So (not) pictured here (I can’t post the scene on tumblr guys we have a ban) is Edward on a couch across from mask-and-feathers MIckey and this tied down woman, with another woman who is not tied down. And this is Mickey..showing Edward..how to.have sex with women. Apparently. Sort of. His lesson falls very flat. It is not a good scene, Mickey’s ‘instructions’ get increasingly louder, and he at one point makes this noise that sounds like a Joker laugh.

It is...it’s something.

(Also note there’s some extremely uncomfortable, misogynistic name-calling on Mickey’s part here..so yeah).

Oh, and it doesn’t convince Edward. At all. IMAGINE.

Around all this time, the Hugh/Maisie/Solly plot is also ongoing. And that also encompasses bar fighting (bare knuckles boxing and wrestling I think? And gambling)

Hugh has gambling debt we’ll get back to this. (He’s also obsessed with getting Russian bonds into the bank, again, the banking plot losses me a LOT)

So meanwhile, Mickey meets up with Edward’s mother.

But why Edward’s mother, you ask??

Well. *sigh*. Something I didn’t mention earlier is that Mickey likes Ed’s mum. A lot. A lot a lot. Mickey wants to take that woman to town and then some, is a very basic way of me putting it and-

Fuck it. Mickey wants to bang Ed’s mum. BADLY.

(She’s not opposed either, at all)

So their little scheme here is that Ed’s mum wants Ed to take control of the bank, but with the father-in-law alive, that’s not going to happen. So they’re plotting to take down the next person in charge who would succeed said father in law, (Samuel) who is in a relationship with the secretary mentioned above, Michael.

Yes, another GODDAMNED PLOT.

(Samuel is fairly unpleasant like all of these people, so I don’t feel that bad for him. He also kinda treats Michael like garbage, and is called out for this by Joseph later in the movie)

So the scheme here is to get rid of the father-in-law, and get Ed married. Cake walk!

(Also, while ALL THIS is going on, Mickey’s got his own mini-plot about doing these things for his father, the weapons and stuff but we don’t actually find out about the main goal of that whole thing till the end, you’ll see)

Oh, and since we’ve not had a good dose of ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ lately, Solly proposes to Maisie with an honest-to-god Alice in Wonderland party.

Yeah.

Meet the Mad Hatter! He’s a guide, he says nothing. Other people are in costume too, but you know-I have enough caps as it is.

So anyway, Maisie and Solly get engaged, Maisie and Hugh meet up at some point and bang instead. 

And while that’s happening, Edward is convinced by Mickey to marry Florence.

So he does.

Lookit this shit faced smug ass grin.

(Also ahead is Samuel again, and Hugh)

BUT THEN the bank finds out about Hugh’s gambling debts. So he leaves. Taking his cousin Clara (Edward’s teenage sister-at her insistence) to the USA. And just like Maisie’s dad, another man abandons her for the States.

So the father in law is still alive, so! 

It’s murder time.

Perfect wedding time event yeah?

So Mickey murders the father-in-law. (He jumps on him, suffocates him with a pillow, gets caught by Augusta and then they do this..weird ‘tensely make the bed thing’)

Murdered.

And then, exactly five seconds or so later..

Nothing like some murder pre-boning with the dead guy two feet away amiright?

Anyway at this point I was just:

And yelling at my ceiling. Not pictured.

I was a Hannibal fan and I STILL went !?!?!?

END PART ONE.

Part two starts out in 1912, and then cuts back to 1882. So in this messy timeline, note it has been six years since part one. And Hugh is married now to Nora, an American singer, and Clara is older and pregnant. (Father is never determined, but he’s a married man and that’s why Clara didn’t stay)

SO the three of them are returning home. Maisie and Solly have a son, David, and Maisie is depressed and distant, so Solly is the one who spends all the time with David. He’s shown as a legit good dad and it’s quite cute watching them.

(The kids Hugh’s, btw, he and Maisie both know this, Hugh does not, it’s revealed dramatically later but we still have so many plots)

Edward and Florence are childless. Edward doesn’t sleep with her. Everyone knows this.

(At this point I kept asking myself when this would end, I cannot stress how LONG this thing feels at times)

So Hugh and Nora meet up with Maisie and Solly, and they chat and there’s more love plots, more bank plots and a masquerade party where at some point Maisie thinks a little girl at the party is Rachel (who died in the end of part one, sorry!) and there’s a fire and Maisie and Hugh make out and Nora and Solly are both upset and it’s a whole thing.

Samuel now does something of a side business that’s unspecified with Michael, and pregnant Clara is being persued by the only man who might be a good match for her (she’s not keen on getting married. But he’s also..really old.) PLOTS.

And Mickey and Augusta are..still a thing. And Edward being chlidless is becoming an issue. So what is the solution dear friends??

*BANGS HEAD INTO A WALL*

Why the fuck not.

Absolutely flawless! Eddie will NEVER notice.

SO with this plan in motion, Mickey sets out to seduce Florence, Eddie’s neglected wife. He starts in a church, and I have to admit, this one line he gives is quite funny.

“I don’t go to church.”

Cannot begin to imagine why.

Also, around this time is when we get the infamous scene about how he fcked the wives of the three men and then made the guys suck his dick one by one. I didn’t cap that since it’s in gif form, but yeah.

Hugh and Solly and Nora and Maisie are still having their love issues. And there is still bank stuff as all this is going down.

But while on his Florence quest, we see Mickey beat up a guy who was abusing a small boy, and Florence see’s him do this as well and:

He looks so baffled. 

‘Me? GOOD? I really don’t think so.”

She’s also holding a baby, and he gives the infant this face:

“Eugh, what is that?”

He also finds her in church again at some point and comes alongside her like this:

”Sup? Whatcha prayin’ about?”

Anyway, while doing all this, he’s still having some issues. He needs Eddie’s signature for a bank transfer (for his father, his father’s plot is STILL a THING) and so it is time to seduce someone ELSE. This time it’s Edward. This won’t be hard. Edward wants him so bad you could probably see it from fucking space.

Mickey is well aware of this.(I don’t think it’s one sided either, he looks at Edward all wide eyed half the time, but he’s so manipulative it’s hard to judge).

Actually me right now tbh.

So that’s this followed by the infamous gif set.

Edward takes him up on it.

‘Come along my dear there’s nefarious boning to be done’.

Absolutely vital screencap below (which is the most we get anyway and I didn’t cap the line about the freaking signature because fuck plots over nice images okay)

Vital

Anyway Edward gives him the bloody signature. And then Mickey goes along to talk to Augusta. But at this point Mickey is very much beginning to unravel. His goal seems to be more centralized to finishing whatever long ass convoluted job his father has been making him do for the last six years (possibly more tbh) and he’s sort of done with everything.

And Edward see’s this exchange. Le. Oof.

SO! IN BETWEEN ALL THIS. There’s some party where there’s drama and then basically Nora..willing gives up Hugh so he can be with Maisie and Solly just..I don’t even know, single dad for life and all. Edward knows that his family has basically been doing shit all around him, and Mickey STILL seduces Florence. He has her meet him outside that night at two am and they get together, but when he’s with her he kinda has these doubts but she wants him anyway so they bang.

Yeesh.

AFTER that there’s Edward again, because Edward knows shit is up, Mickey goes to a room to grab a bag and see’s Edward there. He tells Edward goodbye, but Edward pulls a gun. Mickey just...drops the bag, tells him to shoot. Edward doesn’t, instead he turns the gun on himself and then Mickey shoots himself in a chair.

Yeah.

DEATH! SADNESS! REMEMBER-THIS MOVIE LOVES DEAD PEOPLE~!

At some point in all this, Augusta goes to her daughter, Clara, apologies for being an absolutely evil mother for her entire life and then the movie sort of begins to wrap up.

Maisie and David were going to leave for the States together, but David wants to stay with Solly, who well DID raise him despite him being Hugh’s kid. So Maisie and Hugh are alone and David lives with Solly and the Pilaster bank has discovered the ACTUAL FREAKING PLOT OF MICKEY’S DAD AND THE ENTIRE BACKGROUND THING. Which was this:

THIS DIDN’T NEED TO BE ALMOST FOUR HOURS, GERMANY.

SO Hugh lets the mob inside. We don’t see what happens after that, but Augusta comes in to tell Joseph Edward shot himself.

Lots of sadness.

So the movie ends in 1912, with David and Hugh meeting up. David never saw Maisie again *she’s deceased now, as is Solly.* they talk, there is some moral lesson or something about love. The goddamned end.

OOF.

SO overall?

I don’t know.

It’s a movie. It has a script and plot and..it was put on screen? The costumes are legitimately amazing. They might be the best thing about this thing. But it REALLY feels like Ken really wanted to make a movie about banking, noticed that’d be boring and tried to make it spicy.

It’s so bizarre. So depressing. So many people are horrible. So many bad things happen. So much slapping, so much weirdness. There’s nothing happy in this thing. Not one. The so called ‘good’-ish ending falls flat amongst a sea of depression and I re-iterate, IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE SO LONG.

I distinctly recall lots of clock watching at times, wondering how I could POSSIBLY have more to go. It then goes so completely off the rails that you just don’t know what is happening and it’s just WEIRD.

At times that weirdness makes it fun, but overall it’s really not great. I probably would never rewatch it, and I can say that it’s an uh, experience in movie-watching.

A good one? I don’t know. But an experience, none the less.