#also my back has been really bad at the latter end of this week which has NOT been fun

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Had a horrifically dysphoric week and it's made me even more frustrated and pissed off with the state of Gender Affirming Care in the UK and that it'll be a minimum of three years before I can even start on the path to T/top surgery, not to mention the fact that the cost of living crisis just has me completely broke, and I can't work because I'm just a mess, like just the idea of it gave me a massive 3 day long panic attack... I'm just feeling very frustrated and exhausted lately 😔😔😔

[billpottsismygf]

Boom by Steven Moffat

Welcome back, Moffat! This is his first Doctor Who episode since 2017, and his first under RTD since 2008, and it did not disappoint. This is by far the best episode of the series so far, and in my opinion in the last few years. It was tense and character focused and covered all manner of themes and topics.

It has some very Moffat hallmarks that I haven't exactly missed, but that I am more than happy to see back. This is particularly with regard to his episode mould of there being one specific thing that characters can't do (blink, breathe, think, etc.), here it being that the Doctor can't move. It's an excellent premise for an episode and it's sort of astonishing that it hasn't been done before. It's done very well, too.

It's funny to have the Anglican Marines back. I associate them so heavily with the Eleventh Doctor era that it was a little jarring at first, but why not bring them back! They were really well utilised here. I wonder if some Christians might be angry about the themes of religious culpability in warfare, but I thought the episode did a good job of a) not solely blaming religion and b) showing the good side of faith. The latter specifically being in the girl's faith in her parents not being gone.

Just as it showed the good and bad of faith, it also showed the good and bad of technology. The good being in the comfort it might provide to people, the bad mainly in the way it is used by corporations.

Unsurprisingly, I loved the anti-capitalist streak in this one. It was really nice as well to get a more detailed look at the consequences of the weapon factories of Villengard, something which has only ever been a throw-away line before, and again strongly associated with the RTD and Moffat eras. The culpability of capitalism in warfare; the use of modern technology with flashy lights and brutal consequences; selling to all sides of a conflict; a brutal algorithm in healthcare that only cares about the bottom line rather than human suffering. It's all fantastic and made me think about if Kerblam were good.

This was a very brutal episode, with three character deaths and an almost death from both the Doctor and Ruby. Despite this, it didn't feel too heavy and I think that's in part due to the optimistic ending. The little girl was perhaps a little too blasé for belief about the death of her father, but I appreciated what the episode was going for with that. A dad character doing the impossible for his child is something of another Moffatism, but I don't mind it, especially when it's done this well.

I think I got a better idea of Ruby this episode as well. I absolutely loved the part where she refuses to throw the remains to the Doctor, as well as her dashing up the quarry with a gun to create conflict. The latter reminded me a lot of her banging on the walls and yelling for the Bogeyman in Space Babies.

Finally, I think my assumption last week about The Devil's Chord - that it was meant to air later in the series - is pretty much confirmed by this being Ruby's first alien planet. If we're to believe we've seen things in the right order, that would mean she'd been travelling with the Doctor for six months before seeing an alien planet, and this episode also just feels like an earlier one. My suspicion is that Disney wanted The Devil's Chord to air second, and as part of the first drop of episodes, because it's a flashy exciting one, but I think that was a real error. On future rewatches I think I'll probably watch The Devil's Chord a few episodes in.

This was an absolutely incredible episode and I'm very excited to rewatch it. I never thought we'd get Moffat back writing for the show, especially under RTD, and now that we have I'm over the moon. Although in many ways it feels like a return to an old era rather than a bold new direction, it was so good it doesn't really matter. The performances, the characters and the writing were compelling and tight and I'm just so glad the show is doing great things right now.

[skyfallscotland]

Hiii me again! I, too, have questions for the ask game 🍓🦋🥤

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

I feel like it's redundant to keep saying the same ones, but *whispers* storm in the quiet @justallihere and Political Gain @sarahwyland

But also, in terms of underrated, I just read a little series by Ramzes called The Unseen One, furthering the Sloane/Bodhi agenda (🙏🏼 the lord’s work) and I've also enjoyed The Princess Gambit by JuliLyng so far as well, which is Xaden/OC. Not sure if they have tumblr, but if they're here, hi! 👋🏼

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

So I've always been a reader/writer, since as far back as I can remember (maybe three years old?), I'm pretty sure with the knowledge I have now that I'm hyperlexic.

I'm old enough to have been around for dial-up internet, but when I was a preteen, we got broadband (showing my age). This is to say, don't judge my parents too harshly because internet safety was not a thing back then, but...

I found fanfiction because back then, a lot of people either used livejournal or hosted their own sites, so a lot of fansites, had fanfiction. So while looking at Buffy fansites, I stumbled across Buffy fanfiction and realised I could actually read stories!!! so many stories!! where Buffy and Spike got together earlier or things didn't end tragically for them. So yeah, at 11 I was reading very explicit Spuffy smut on the internet 🫢 I had a system set up where I would play The Sims all day or do school project powerpoints, except I was really reading fanfic and I would flick between screens whenever my parents entered the room.

My mum now has KU and reads dark romance every day, so I guess she comes by it honestly (and yes, I did mean it that way around, I was here first!) 😂

Anyway, when I was 12 I started publishing my first few fanfics on ffnet - Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, and a Harry Potter/X-Men Crossover. Each originally written on paper, they were all ridiculously bad, but the latter had people interested enough despite the writing, which encouraged me to try again later down the line with The Vampire Diaries and Jurassic World. I hadn't written for almost ten years and had never finished anything much until last year, by chance, I decided to finally get back into reading actual books and picked up ACOTAR. I finished the series within a week and I was left like?? That's it????

The archive had such a small number of works, I couldn't believe it, so I decided to write my own. I wrote Fury and Siren over the course of three months. I wasn't game to post anything in case I didn't finish it, because I'd never finished anything before. I also put off starting this little book I'd bought 'Fourth Wing' by three months, because I knew I'd be sucked in and would lose the hyperfixation I had, so I forced myself to finish Siren first. And now you all know my life story lol omg I'm so embarrassing to myself 🫠

TLDR: internet

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

Honestly, this is kind of angsty, but this last week I’ve thought a lot about male-dominated fandom spaces and how we’re not welcome in them. We, meaning everyone who isn’t a straight, cis, white male. The Formula 1 community on here seems a little better, probably because it’s female-led, but everywhere else I can’t even look at the comments.

To be honest, I’m tired of being told I don’t belong, or that my opinion means nothing because I’m female. I grew up in a motorsport family, my earliest memories are at racetracks, but men on the internet would have you believe I’m only interested because of what the drivers look like. It’s just…tiring. Those fandom spaces have become a no-go zone for me now, because it just isn’t worth it. We live in a time where no matter what you say someone will attack you which is sad in itself, but it’s so much worse when you’re a woman commenting on a “man’s sport”, not to mention endlessly frustrating because they’re too stupid to tell the difference between equity and equality.

🦋 On a larger note, Palestine. I don’t think more than that needs saying. It hurts my heart.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 18

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists!). These are just my personal opinions and preferences.

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

☼ 1. Love Mate

I am thrilled and I decided to ignore the permanent crossing of boundaries. The series is so funny and not in a too embarrassing way. I cringe insanely fast and here it really kept within limits because the jokes just ended in time and were not exhausted until it hurts. We have grumpy-I-don't-believe-in-love-guy and the sunshine-I-fell-in-love-with-you-at-first-sight-guy (and yes, those are their names for me now) and the two have good chemistry and I just go awww. Grumpy guy is actually already smitten, just doesn't want to admit it to himself that someone has managed to break through his shell. And sunshine guy is just an idiot in love, who knows no boundaries and would do anything to convince his crush that love can be beautiful. And I am sitting in the front row rooting for him. Maybe because I can identify too much with grumpy-guy and find it quite nice to watch his heart slowly being conquered. Great series! Clear recommendation!

→ 2. My Story

Cutest scene this week goes to:

Zeke and Fifth are such flirts with each other and they both know they like the other and I think Zeke knows Fifth likes him too, it's just Fifth hasn't quite figured out that Zeke likes him too. There's still the belief that the latter might have a crush on Kim. Oh my little Fifth…you two are inseparable, Zeke doesn't leave your side unless you intentionally leave him behind, he is constantly flirting with you and bringing you coffee in bed. He actively and repeatedly seeks your proximity and wants you as a nude model! How many more clues do you need!? The preview for the next episode looks very promising! The main couple? Still not of interest to me. I lost interest in their story at some point and currently have no plans to get back in. They are not bad, Zeke and Fifth are just way cuter together.

Random scene I just don't understood what was happening or why:

↑ 3. Our Dining Table

How nice that the two of them ran into each other and Yutaka was able to experience the magic of the mother's special recipe. And when Minoru saw how differently his friend treated Tane and how Yutaka treated him, I think that was the moment when he finally fell in love. The look he gave Yutaka definitely speaks volumes. The story has some deeper parts, but it's still such a feel-good watch during the week. Some mid-week relaxation.

↓ 4. Happy Merry Ending

I think we all know that SeungJun's best friend is in love with him. Drama preprogrammed? We will have to wait and see. But I'm afraid this is a feast for writers. I'd like to see a plot twist like this, when you think that the two main characters get together and in the end it's the best friend who has also been in love with one of them for ages who becomes endgame (yes, my wish for The Promise). Won't happen, but I'd think it would be cool. Other than that, we got to see cute scenes between the characters and a bit of SeungJun's past, which is really not pleasant and I can get why he is how he is. Best scene so far is definitely the last scene of episode four when JaeHyun encourages SeungJun. Even though I was a little disappointed that they didn't dance with each other. Let's wait until the hand holding, then that will be my little tummy tickling scene!

↑ 5. Step by Step

I really enjoyed this episode again. What a roller coaster of emotions here! Maybe it was because the colleagues didn't appear that often and Jeng was also a bit more bearable again. At least he takes to heart what the employees have to say about him. And honestly, I love the looks he gives Pat! I was going to make a gifset, but then Photoshop broke, and after trying five times, reinstalling the application a zillion times, and ending up throwing Adobe completely off my computer, I figured there's currently a curse on it, I'm not touching the scenes again! But I think it won't be the last time he looks at Pat with that loving look. Such a handsome man. I'm a sucker for men in suits, but in this case, casual black shirts look soooo much better. As for the plot…I was too distracted by Jeng 😂

↓ 6. La Pluie

The mood of this week goes to:

It could have been over so easily and so quickly…well, Phat took his fate into his own hands and fell in love…That is shit. And in the end, I really just sat there and kept asking myself: What's happening right now? Are Tai and Lomfon falling for each other? What? And the scene where our precious vet is making out with someone and it starts to rain and Tai hears everything…that hurt amazingly bad. It left me speechless for a moment. I'm really curious to see where the journey goes. But I found a new motto this week: Unfuck it! Love it! Tian is the best! Someone needs to give him a really big hug. The poor kid is going through enough with his brothers and his arch-nemesis, who he's slowly falling for and who is slowly falling for his brother himself. Or this is just to get closer to Tian or just a representation of how people can bond over what they have in common without anything romantic having to happen right away, but I think we're all so influenced by our bl series that guys/men immediately flirt with each other and fall in love when there's common ground and a lively conversation. Just saw that the series is marked 18+ on MDL. Just wondering what made them give it that rating. iQiyi has it rated 13+.

↑ 7. Naked Dining

Okay, the moon thing was really cute. The moon means "I love you" and Mahori panics because he's already sent it. Honey, don't worry, Futa sends back a picture of the moon and everyone is happy! The female colleague will definitely make trouble, because of course now she has noticed how great Futa actually is or because she has been in love with him for a long time anyway. I don't really like this pretend you're my boyfriend acts because it always ends up with the girl falling in love and provoking drama. On the cuter hand, I thought it was cute when Mahori confessed having a crush on someone.

↓ 8. The Promise

Why do you have to drag everything out sooo much? Come on! These two like each other. This game is getting boring. Let them get together! And not just in a dreamed up deleted scene. What was that? I have no idea where to place that scene. Did either of them dream this? And if so, when? When Nan was in Party's arms? And Party, my man…you really are one of the best! Phu…get off your duff. Have faith in your best friend that even if he doesn't love you back, he won't abandon you. And Nan, please listen to your heart. I really feel like I write the same thing every week. I probably do, because a blind man with a cane can see that they like each other, but nothing seems to progress! It's frustrating!

↓ 9. A Boss and a Babe

Okay, so the topics are tough at times and yet the series feels like light banter to me. You know what I mean? It's dramatic with rape and drug trafficking and prison, and yet you feel like you're sweeping through the series light as a feather. I'm sure that's a little bit due to the characters. Even when dramatic scenes are shown, they are immediately grinned away in the next scene or covered up by love talk. The tragedy of many things doesn't really reach the viewer. And I won't go into Gun's mother for a moment. She wants to protect her son and especially the name of the family, which I can understand. The way it's done is just off, but really not as bad as in some other series or movies. And Cher doesn't let himself be kept away from Gun, which was kind of sweet in the end.

☼ 10. House of Stars

It was a mixture of boredom and drama and sex. I think the series is trying to go in the same direction as War of Y, but with less production budget and, sorry, a worse script. We have the mistress of the house who sets the rules and everyone obeys her. We have the little yet unknown one, who will fall in love with the nice seeming model student in the next episode, we have the competing pair, where you don't know exactly what's going on, we have the two in love, where I'm not sure if they are already a couple or not yet and we have the stalker, who finds the aggressive, heterosexual one so horny, that he watches him having sex and then lays hands on himself. And all this is accompanied by boring table talk and out-of-place fanservice scenes. Yes, this first episode has not quite picked me up yet.

↓ 11. Our Skyy 2

What's the point of intentionally hurting your partner just so you can have the satisfaction of surprising him in the end? That would have also worked if you had congratulated him and gone to the celebration from the outset and then just sneaked out. I'm angry about all this crap drama. It really overshadowed everything for me. And yes, I knew Our Skyy was going to be cringy, but it does really hurt. I'm really scared of when my favorites are on that it's going to spoil some of the original series for me….

↓ 12. Tin Tem Jai

I don't even bother to organize my thoughts - that's how little I care about the series in the end. Why were they fighting in the mall now? What was that hard cut and anyway…why that scene? A no-park zone??? How old is Tin!??! And was it really legal for Park to have sex with him? Their conversations are just so exhausting! Why is Park annoyed with Tin? I don't get it! That whole scene with your face is annoying….what was that for? Okay, now that's what I call abuse of power in a relationship with age difference…If Tin doesn't do what Park asks (i.e. not take the job that can benefit him professionally later and miss three days of college), then it's over? Wow.

I don't want to talk to Wikipedia right now….funniest scene of the week.

And what a drama with the mother in the last episode…Was that necessary? That was a bit much drama…And what exactly happened to Kana and Pao? They were just left behind on the track…At least I found them interesting and I would have liked to know how they are doing now. No…That was not good!

[iantimony]

last tuesday of 2023!

i thought about making this my Yearly Roundup for last tuesday of the year but i think instead i will make this a normal tuesdaypost, and do a big yearly reflection on friday or saturday for last shabbos of the year :)

listening: twilight mirage, still in that holiday special, episode 23. the way that there are eight fuckin episodes for that special........in part 1 or 2 they make a comment how they might have to do three parts and i was like. lol. lmao, even. i'm in the bit right now where they're doing an election and it's very funny. thisbe as the debate moderator made me laugh out loud.

reading: the best part of the game awards this year was the fashion, alyssa mercante: i looooved some of these looks. love the art corset on slide 4, jay-ann lopez on slide 15, the pleated dress on slide 17, the MATCHING BABY ON SLIDE 19, and the author's whole everything on slide 20.

sff's big fat problem, r. k. duncan: i was already aware of some of the stuff talked about here but i am definitely guilty of having less overt things - i.e. goblin emperor reference in there - totally fly by me. i feel like i saw a lot of people talking about rowling's fatphobia after she went mask-off but she is definitely on the more malicious end of the spectrum, it's a much much much more baked in problem than people give it credit for. thinking also about the locked tomb, which i love, but also makes some very weird comments about ortus that i did not clock at all until someone else pointed it out. just something i'm thinking about lately.

the world is hard, dinner doesn't need to be, julia turshen: what it says on the tin. some recipe ideas, cut down to mental bare essentials.

old growth, brawlite: saved the fanfic for last. obsessed with this. it's so so good. the format is a really neat idea that i don't know if i've seen done before. like, using the 'comment section' to point out 'things in the background of shots'? genius. i am eating it up. i should have signed up for this exchange. maybe next year.

playing: fallow. i might buy some games that are on sale tho lol, i've seen both pyre and ghostwire: tokyo recommended this week. latter is no longer on sale unfortunately but i am noting it down for later.

watching: the fashion industry hates older women, mina le

history of bathing, bernadette banner

aaaand a short film that a grad student in my department made as a project. it's. not good. like i'm happy that he's doing hobbies or whatever but this short film commits the cardinal sin of being neither good nor bad, Just Boring. 2/10.

making: the [redacted project] is almost done!! i have 10 rows left. each row takes me about 15 minutes. i will definitely finish it by the end of the week, fringe and all. no pictures yet for obvious reasons but it will be in the first tuesdaypost of the year for 2024! the biggest challenge now is the point of contact on my left hand where i rest the knitting needle against my middle finger is aggravating on a sensory standpoint from overuse, so i have been knitting with one glove on that hand which has helped a lot.

there was a preview of these last week, but i added finishing touches to my gavle goat holiday cards! i used a metallic sharpie to add some horn embellishments and wrote a little note on the back, and mailed out a bunch :)

misc: the first christmas eve/day of my life where i didn't get chinese food!!! shock, horror, etc. i'm at my roommate's family's place so i experienced a real christmas situation. it was fine. her family & their home is like ... hallmark card vibes and idk how i feel about it. i want wonton soup :(

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Bill Cipher

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Gravity Falls is one of the greatest cartoons of the 2010s, a fantastic mystery series filled with weird and mysterious monsters. And among those monsters is a bizarre interdimensional demonic triangle with a top hat who sounds like the dude who made Twin Peaks. How much weirder can you ge than that?

Bill Cipher started off as a one-shot monster of the week summoned up by season 1’s reoccurring antagonist Gideon, but considering how he appears so much in symbols throughout the show and just how fun and striking the guy is, he was upgraded to the overarching villain of the whole show, responsible for many of the mysteries and the conflict of the grand finale. So what made this evil Dorito so much cooler than the psychic incel voiced by the dude who made The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack? Read on and maybe I’ll have an answer.

Yfg kilyzyob mlg. R'n mlg gszg hnzig.

Motivation/Goals: Bill is the archetypical trickster and deal-making devil we’ve seen across the ages in fiction, promising wealth, power, and knowledge to suckers in return for furthering his goals. And what are his goals, you might ask? Fuck if I know. Bill seems to relish in pure and utter chaos with no rhyme or reason, his true motives beyond “Call in my friends and fuck around with reality” being beyond my puny mortal understanding. Frankly, it’s really refreshing to see a Disney villain who simply relishes in bringing about the apocalypse for shits and giggles, especially when the classic Disney villain was dying out around the time this show was airing in favor of twist villains like Hans and that Zootopia sheep.

Performance: After being shot down by David Lynch, Alex Hirsch decided to jumo in and voice Bill in a “bad” David Lynch impression. Bad is in quotations because the impression is quite frankly pretty spot on, and much like Lynch himself it adds a sort of surreal ridiculousness to Bill. Hirsch really is the MVP of the show he created, and Bill is one of his best performances in it, though I hesitate to call him better than Grunkle Stan.

Final Fate: The best Disney villains get the very best deaths, and Bill has one of the best of them all. After falling for a ruse between Stanford and Stanley and slipping into the latter’s mind as its being erased, Bill pitifully begs Grunkle Stan for his life. In a move that would make Captain Falcon proud, Stan responds by fucking punching Bill out of existence. FUCK. YEAH.

Bill ends the series as nothing more than a statue. Probably. His final secret backwards message does imply he may return someday...

Best Episodes: The “Weirdmageddon” finale is definitely Bill’s finest hour, but I’ve gotta say “Sock Opera” is a standout as well, as Bill takes over Dipper’s body for his own goals. It hits even harder if you read the real-life version of the Journal, which has Bill pretty blatantly say he was going to make Dipper commit suicide. Jesus Christ.

Final Thoughts & Score: Bill is easily the most impressive Disney villain in recent memory.

Recent Disney movies have seemed content in either making the antagonizing force of a movie a nebulous force like generational trauma, or otherwise have a really bad twist villain. The last time we had an honest to god Disney villain was Tamatoa, who gets a single scene in Moana before vanishing from the film. We just haven’t been getting the sort of high quality antagonists we had back in the 90s anymore.

Bill, though? Bill is just about everything you could want from a villain. He’s funny when he needs to be, he’s terrifying when he needs to be, he wields insane magical power, and most importantly, he absolutely relishes in how much of an evil lunatic he is. He’s like if Kefka was made by David Lynch, and was also a triangle. It’s just beautiful.

I think what makes Bill so great is just the sheer simplicity of the character, from his design to his motivations. It’s very much what you see is what you get with him; he just loves chaos, and he wants to spread it even if it means blowing up the world. He’ll fuck over anyone to get what he wants, and nothing is too low for him to achieve his goals. Villains like this can be very fun to watch if they’re written well, and Bill is written exceptionally well. Every episode with him in it is easily one of the best episodes of the show; even his debut episode, which some have argued is his weakest appearance, is still one of the single best episode’s of the first season. He’s just that damn good.

Bill Cipher gets a 10/10, which isn’t particularly shocking; he might be the best thing Alex Hirsch created for the show after all. If Disney never makes a good villain again and just sticks to generational trauma or awful twist villains, well, at least they’ll always have Bill. 

Sv nzb lmob hxliv z gvm sviv yfg sv'h zm vovevm rm nb svzig.

[scyfozoa]

Tell about your ocs pls 83

HI ofc i will !!! rn im Very fucking hyperfixated on my genshin oc so it will be abt him ...

his name is kou! hes an half adeptus (his father was an adeptus), and hes half liyuenian - snezhnayan.

he has been living in liyue his whole life – when he was 5, his mother had to leave liyue and go back to snezhnaya, due to her being in the fatui. they were in a very bad financial spot and she had no choice but go back. so in the end, she left kou with his father, who of course she trusted the most in the world. but sadly, she was wrong.

it was only a few months after when kous father basically got bored of taking care of him. he didnt want to have a child constantly being in his way, so he decided to just abandon him, leaving him in some private orphanage. (he thought of other ways to get rid of him though – leave him with another adeptus ( which wouldnt work because kous father was not liked by the other adepti; or send him to the house of the hearth – he didnt want to travel that far).

due to the fact that kous mother was constantly on the move, she didnt have an address that letters were sent to – instead, it was passed from one fatui agent to another. so when she finally recieved the letter from her husband talking about how he abandoned their son and is leaving them both, already 3 and a half months have passed.

immediately after, kou's mother went back to liyue, even if for a single day. she got kou out of the orphanage, and brought him to one good friend she made in liyue – baizhu, who only graduated from the akademiya a few years prior. (im still an akademiya student baizhu believer okay let me cope) from that day onwards, baizhu has been taking care of kou.

now all grown up, kou has been working in the bubu pharmacy for baizhu. he feels as if he has to repay him, despite baizhu constantly reasurring him otherwise. they dont really see each other as father-son, more like uncle-nephew (kou calls him uncle zhuzhu btw😭😭)

kou is a very secluded person, mostly due to his trauma from being abandoned as a child and the abuse he endured in the orphanage (which i wont get into here). also add autism to the mix and being trans, so the young adeptus feels like theres gigantic walls between him and literally everyone else.

when he was younger, he thought he didnt fit into the human society because of being a half-adeptus, and vice versa. but no matter what he does, he cant fit into any of them (its autism. i project HARD onto him.)

about relationships – other than the close relationship he has with baizhu, he sees qiqi has his little sister. but other than that, he never had any "real" friends – that was until gaming came into the picture, introduced to him by baizhu. he was frequently delivering stuff from to the bubu pharmacy to make as much money as possible, as it was right after he ran away (i hc that gaming ran away at like nearly 15 years old, and that hes 18 when we meet him ingame; him and kou are the same age, kou only a few weeks older).

the two of them instantly felt connected by each other, despite their personalities being complete polar opposites. but they had their similarities – very troubled family situation, feeling like they were alone in the world (+ both of them were early into their transitions - yes all my faves get hit with transgender beam. gaming included. kouming t4t to me.)

the two grew extremely close, being each others absolute best friends in the whole world, but with time, their friendship grew into something more – and they have been dating for a few months now.

thanks to gaming, kou started to open up to more people and made some more friends :3. hes good friends with xingqiu, bc bookworms. kou tells xingqiu about snezhnayan literature often.

other than that – kou's relationship with his mother consists of a monthly letter from the latter. both kou and his mother want to have a normal relationship and they miss each other terribly, but kous mother has to stay in the fatui due to now being a really high ranking fatui operative, directly working with the 7th harbringer, sandrone. (well its quite a stretch to call their relationship a purely work based one, but ill save that for a diff post about kous mother. iykyk) so once a month kou is visited by two fatui agents sent by his mother to check up on him – aleksander and adrianna. over the years all three grew really close, kou often dragging the two to visit his favourite spots in liyue.

last relationship – kou has an older sister. his mother was married once before, having a single daughter, but due to personal conflicts and her previous-previous husband not liking that she was in the fatui, they divorced, the daughter staying with her father. shes 9 years older than kou, travelling thru teyvat looking for inspiration for her clothes – she runs fashion shows all over teyvat, often collaborating with the chioriya boutique.

these two only recently started to get close after their mother made them meet up – ever since, they frequently write to each other and kous sister loves to send him clothes she sew for him. i dont have much more about her atm tho, still designing her.

ok . sorry for yapping a lot. and sorry if some rhings r confusing, i still dont have names for kous parents and his sister 🥲 heres some kou art, im working on his full ref sheet + splash art right now !!

[bumbleleewrites]

I have an idea for the suggestion; you know how tubbo HATES horror games? What if he tried playing one, but got too scared and ranboo gave him gentle t-words while he played to help get him through it

Giggly Gaming

Thanks for the ask, anon. :] Soft tickles are my absolute favourite, and this prompt really helped me feel more comfortable writing again. Hope you enjoy it!

Summary: Tubbo (very reluctantly) plays a horror game. Luckily, his friend Ranboo is there to offer some comfort.

[IRL] Lee!Tubbo, Ler!Ranboo

Word Count: 1.3k

I watched Ranboo play Resident Evil 7 (not too sure about the number!) a while back and know absolutely nothing about the game beyond that, but it's what this fic is based on. My memory has also faded regarding the gameplay, and I'm sure it shows! But I avoid horror for the most part so alas, this is what y'all get.

The luminescent clock resting on the side table glared a bright '3:17', providing the only light in the dark room aside from the television screen. Tubbo and Ranboo had their eyes glued to the latter, sitting beside each other on the carpet. 

"Nononono!" Tubbo cried. He dropped his controller and covered his face, peering through his fingers. He watched as the screen flashed crimson red, before a message appeared telling him that he'd died. 

He usually would have been happy to stay up late gaming with his friend, but there was just one issue. Ranboo had convinced him to play a horror game. Tubbo hated horror. However, Ranboo had asked him so many times earlier that week (at least a dozen, though Tubbo had stopped counting after the tenth), and he looked so happy when Tubbo finally gave him a reluctant 'maybe'. Who was he to say no?

"Hey! That's not half bad! It took me a few tries to get past here, too," 

"I hate how she just jumps out at you," Ranboo sympathised.

Tubbo gave a small nod and sheepishly bent down to pick up the controller, which had fallen onto the matted rug beneath them. "I don't like this," he complained. "There's a reason why I never play these games." He blinked, trying to get some moisture into his eyes, which stung a bit due to the intrusive glare of the television.

"Aw, c'mon, Tubs, you're so close! Just beat this section before you give up, okay?" 

Tubbo yawned. "Okay." 

He selected the option on the screen to restart, and his character reappeared in the spawn point where he'd begun the chapter. Silence, aside from the occasional line of in-game dialogue, consumed the space for a moment. That was until Tubbo let out a panicked yell, startled by the clamour of a wall breaking on-screen. 

"What? Why the fuck does he have an axe?" the boy shouted. 

He jumped back, pressing further against Ranboo's side. He felt Ranboo's arm wrap around his shoulder. 

Ranboo pulled his friend slightly in towards himself. "Okay, just keep going down to the end of that hallway. You're doing great."

"The guy has an axe, Ranboo! How am I supposed-"

"The trap door! Go there!"

"Okay!" Tubbo screeched. With a few clicks on his controller, his character was in a different room, momentarily safe from any danger. 

"Alright, good. Now look for the key."

"Where is it? There's so much stuff in- Ah!" he cried, as he heard loud stomping, and what sounded like something wooden being smashed apart.

Ranboo rubbed Tubbo's shoulder soothingly, and the latter leaned further into him, letting his head bump back against his chest. "You're doing well," said Ranboo. "The key is at the back, near those trunks."

"Oh! Thank you!" Tubbo made his character run over to the area Ranboo pointed out. He flinched when he heard a threatening yell from the enemy, who was standing on the floor above his avatar. 

"Shh, don't worry. He doesn't come down here unless you take too long. Go upstairs now and get the missing fuse," Ranboo directed. He scratched Tubbo's shoulder playfully.

"Hey!" Tubbo protested, as he bit back a giggle. He jolted out of reflex, but made no effort to change how he sat.

"What?" Ranboo asked, oblivious. Tubbo saw grey eyes peer down at him and rest their gaze on his blushing cheeks, illuminated brightly by the screen. A knowing smirk appeared on Ranboo's face. "Oh, was I tickling you?" He chuckled. "My bad." 

"S'alright," Tubbo mumbled, turning his attention back to the game. He was about to have his character open the cabinet to retrieve the fuse, when a menacing scream tore through the speakers, and he heard more crashing. He yelped and nearly dropped the controller.

"Ignore that, you're making good time," Ranboo assured, reaching out to run his nails along the other's jaw.

Tubbo grinned. "Rahan, that tickles!" 

"Oh, really?" Ranboo feigned surprise. "And do you want me to stop?"

"You're distracting me." Despite his half hearted protest, Tubbo leaned his head further into the hand.

"That's not a no," Ranboo sang, now tickling the other side of Tubbo's jaw. Cupping the latter's head with his palms, he dragged his fingers from Tubbo's chin to the space right underneath his ears, then back again. Tubbo let out a few giggles through his nose and tilted his head backwards in bliss. He felt his eyelids relax and considered allowing them to close, but he remembered that he had a task at hand. He placed the fuse in his inventory and walked his character to the fuse box. Tubbo let out a yell and jumped forward when an enemy suddenly crashed through the door. He was trapped.

"Fight him! Use your gun!"

Tubbo felt Ranboo's hands pull him back in by his shoulders. He relaxed into the comforting embrace and felt his heart race against Ranboo's chest as he shot frantically at the opponent. Finally, it collapsed, and Tubbo breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Nice job!" Ranboo cheered. He slipped his hands under Tubbo's hoodie and skittered his fingertips gently along the brunet's sides, over his t-shirt. Tubbo let out a stream of bubbly laughter.

"Whyhyhy?"

"Well, you're not so scared when I tickle you, are you?"

Tubbo groaned sleepily and clicked a few buttons. "You're a dick," he said, smiling. 

"Oh, really?" Ranboo chuckled. He scratched lightly at the nape of Tubbo's neck with one hand. "Are you so sure about that?"

Tubbo nodded, eyelids drooping contentedly, only flinching slightly when he heard a character yell on-screen. "Yeah, a massive dickhead."

The taller one exhaled a short laugh. "Yeah, okay. Oh, I should warn you, the axe guy comes into the room during this part. You just need to get the keys off the counter and drive away before he kills you."

"You say that like it's going to be easy!"

"I believe in you! You're beating it this time." said Ranboo, tracing light shapes into the area surrounding the other's collarbone. 

It wasn't an overwhelming action, barely enough to tickle, but Tubbo grew a wobbly smile nonetheless. His eyes were still narrowed in focus, glued to the television. "If you say so." 

It didn't take long for Tubbo to complete the section.

"Yes! Finally!" he cheered, pumping his fists in the air. He paused the game as soon as his character spawned in the next location.

"Not so bad, was it?"

Tubbo turned to look up at him. "Oh, no, it was horrible. Could have been worse, though." He glanced at the game. "What are we doing now?"

"Well, we could go to sleep," Ranboo started, before bringing his blunt nails up to run along Tubbo's ears, "Or we could play through a bit more?"

Tubbo squeezed his eyes shut, giggling sleepily at the light touches on his ears. He let Ranboo continue, allowing his head to go limp in the other boy's hands.

"I need an answer, Bee," Ranboo crooned, and he wiggled a set of fingers over Tubbo's stomach, causing the boy to bark out a laugh.

"Okahahay!" He thought for a moment. "Well… I guess I could play some more." He thumped his head against Ranboo's shoulder, who ran a hand through Tubbo's hair in response. 

"Sure thing." 

Tubbo turned his head back towards the television and selected the button to resume the game. He watched attentively as the opening of the next scene was narrated, the dialogue appearing at the bottom of the screen. He felt Ranboo move behind him, and rest his hands on Tubbo's shoulders. When the latter shouted out again, startled by a loud noise, Ranboo drew lines quickly up and down Tubbo's back with his fingertips. The brunet let out soft, airy laughter, a wide smile plastered on his face.

"Thahanks, Boo."

Invisible to him, Ranboo grinned. "Any time, man. Any time."

[xslytherclawx-writes]

hi hi for the director's commentary thing, i know it's from a few years ago but i really love enough contrition to spare so if you have anything you'd like to share about that fic i'd love to know!!

oooh yes!!! i absolutely ADORE that one! one of my favorites!!!

this got really long, so. cut.

so I wrote it for Heart Attack Exchange, which is 10k minimum in 2 weeks, and I think I wrote it in like four days? in a fugue state. that means much of the creative process has been completely lost to that fugue state lol

because it was for an exchange, it was written for a recipient - kirby is a LOVELY recipient to write for, and they have so many ideas I always love (I wrote for them for Heart Attack this year, too). I definitely tailored it to their likes (and the kitten at the end was 1000% a surprise for them bc they love cats).

but exchanges are not 1:1 "write me exactly this scenario" (that's a good way to get a gentle email from the mods), so I took their request (canon divergence, Harry raised by others, focus on a minor character) and ran with it.

Astronomy goes wayyyyyyyy back to when I'd RP Regulus in high school lol - I'd put astronomy as his favorite subject because I was so tired of everyone assuming Slytherin = Potions. Besides, it makes sense, right? (I don't think that comes up in any of my other Regulus fics haha - maybe the one I wrote for Tavina for Battleship). Astronomy also gave me the chance to have him do things during the day to push the plot (and emotional beats).

Evan is generally my choice for pairing Regulus in non-Ravenclaw AUs when I want the relationship to be (approaching) healthy, or equitable, or when I want Regulus to be the one with more power in the relationship. (fwiw I mean, I don't think Regulus would have been hurt in a relationship with Evan in Ravenclaw AU - Evan is a different matter entirely tho of course). This [also] goes wayyyyyy back to like 2008?ish? when a fanartist I really liked paired them together - and specifically the brand of Evan being dedicated to Regulus, regardless of Regulus's degree of investment.

(Barty (the "hurt Regulus" choice) would've been a very bad match for this specific fic, particularly as Regulus sells him out, and I didn't want that much angst - besides, Kirby didn't particularly want unhealthy relationships.)

Evan is also someone who doesn't quite become disenchanted with ~The Cause~, so that gave me a source of tension between them: Regulus has spent the past two years learning that Muggleborns are human beings and that the war is an absolute waste run by a madman who wants to install himself at the top of a totalitarian regime (the latter he woke up to in 1979, but like, it's really driven home by horcrux hunting). Evan's line about being at each other's throats is Evan making it clear that he knows where Regulus stands and doesn't agree.

As for the brothers - well, I just modded a fest for them lol (or am in the middle of? last fic has been revealed but we're still anonymous), so naturally I wanted there to be some focus on their relationship. Regulus enlisting his family to get Sirius a trial is an idea I really love, mostly because Sirius would really fucking hate it - but would it work? Regulus is more pragmatic than Sirius, who has Morals.

But you can't fix estrangement in a matter of days - Regulus makes his effort (as prickly as he may be during it), and Sirius doesn't know what to do with this new, reformed version of his little brother. In the end, Sirius trusts him to take care of a vulnerable creature just as Sirius is taking care of a vulnerable person (baby Harry).

Also, if you squint, there's a Max cameo at the Ministry scene. I couldn't help myself lol (and Regulus turning Barty & Bella & the Lestranges in saves Frank and Alice! butterfly effect!)

Narcissa serves explicitly as a surrogate maternal figure for Regulus, despite their closeness in age. She genuinely loves him and wants the best for him (misguided though she may sometimes be), fusses over his marriage prospects, and will probably one day accept his change of allegiance - and forgive him for turning in Bellatrix. One day. Probably.

Regulus hasn't quite disentangled himself from his old life (and isn't sure whether he wants to, especially regarding Narcissa), so he goes to Christmas at her home to be surrounded by love and affection.

I'm not sure if / when Regulus finally moves on from Evan in this universe, because the firewhisky obviously signals that Evan is still thinking about him – still loves him, despite everything.

Also, again: cats. Can't go wrong with cats.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I have just had the longest fucking week. It got to the point where it was so frustrating that I haven’t even talked to people I know about it, I just didn’t want to think about it and didn’t want to have to keep expanding on the fucking ridiculous story of my quest to fulfill my basic autism-related desire for stability and knowing what the fuck is going on. Because that’s a big deal to me. I like being in places I know. I like doing tasks that I know how to do. I like having systems that I understand. I like a community where everything’s familiar. I do not like being in transition. I feel like I’ve been in some sort of transition for ages now.

Okay, here’s how my year has gone (just in case people are wondering if this will be one of those posts I do where it’s starts about one thing and then ties into fandom in some way or makes some sort of point, this one’s just an entirely self-indulgent personal post, written entirely because venting feels nice):

- Begin the year still in the really bad emotional breakdown I had at the end of 2022, which involved breaking up with my girlfriend, taking fewer hours at my freelance editing job (pretty much no hours during the too depressed to get out of bed phase), not looking for new jobs despite having just finished my college diploma in autism studies that was supposed to lead to a stable job in the field.

- In the spring, the company for which I do most of my editing work hired a new fulltime staff person, and a couple of other things happened to mean I couldn’t take more editing hours even if I wanted to, which I now did, because money was running out. Over a few months, money ran out to the point where I got very very worried about whether I’d be able to keep paying rent on my downtown apartment, or would have to be move in with my parents in the suburbs.

I very much did not want to do the latter, because, you know, I was 32. Not ideal to be unable to afford a place to live at 32. Also, I loved my place. I’d been there for four years. I had my bedroom set up exactly the way I wanted, with all my stuff in it that all came from something that had mattered to me over the years, I found nothing in the world more comforting than sitting in there and looking at everything around me and it was familiar and safe and mine. That house was the longest place I’d lived since I’d moved out of my parents house; I spent my twenties moving somewhere new every year, but now I finally had a place where I had stayed multiple years and really gotten to know the house and gotten probably unreasonably attached to it because, as I said, autism and the personification of objects.

Also, I was just starting to sort of get a life back. I’d started coaching again, and the practices are downtown or near it. I’d started going to watch local comedy shows, and those were all downtown. I’d started occasionally seeing friends again. The whole “life outside my bedroom” that I had shut down hard since 2020 was just barely starting to open up again, and I knew that if I went to live in the suburbs, I’d never do it. I found it hard enough to start doing that stuff again when it was a short walk; I wouldn’t manage it if I had to take three buses across the city to get there.

- I went through about six weeks of not applying for jobs because even looking at the applications made me incredibly anxious about the fear that I would apply everywhere and not find any jobs and then go the rest of my life living in my parents’ basement because no one would ever hire me, so I just avoided ever thinking about it so I wouldn’t have to find out whether that would happen. These six weeks did not improve the crisis in my bank account.

- Finally managed to start applying. Almost immediately got two interviews. One with an autism centre, directly in my field, one with a day program for group homes for disabled adults. I didn’t get the first job but I did get the second. Amazing wave of relief. It’s okay. I can stay in my house. I can make money. I can build my life back up.

- During this, my roommate of four years moved out, and had someone else sublet his bedroom. I didn’t mind this, because he was a dick who took over the whole house and treated it like I didn’t live there, and his subletter was more like me (as in, someone who tries to show consideration for a roommate in a shared living situation), so that was nice enough. Until two weeks after I started this job, when my roommate texts me to say he’s decided to move out altogether, and he has another friend who wants to move into the house with her boyfriend and their baby, so his subletter and I need to move out by the end of the summer.

- I, after initially having a panic attack, go through all my papers to find the original lease and see if he can fucking do that, and find he can, in fact, do that. Legally, he’s the official tenant and I’m an “addition to the household”. I hadn’t even realized that, as I’d been pretty desperate for a place to live when I first moved in there at the end of 2018, and this guy from the team whom I’d known (known, but not gotten along with well, but didn’t actively hate) for fifteen years was looking for someone to move into the second bedroom in his house, so I took it and signed the forms without paying much attention to the legal stuff. My fault, I know. I’d just assumed we were equal tenants, since we did pay equal rent and both pay half the bills.

I then panicked even more. I couldn’t lose this place right then. I was only just starting my new job, and finding it (as I’d expected) really really hard to go from barely leaving my bedroom for three years, to having to work in person, in a high-pressure environment around lots of people, all day every weekday. I  came home every day exhausted, and just tried to sleep enough to be able to get up the next day. I could not deal with the stress of moving at the same as that, I need time to adjust. I also needed time to save some money, which I hadn’t done yet, and moving costs money.

Also, as I said, I was very attached to that place. Also, there’s a massive housing crisis all across the country that has hit my city hard, in addition to the general cost of living crisis. I had a very good price on the rent in that place, and I looked around and learned that anything in an even slightly comparable location would be more than I could afford. I’d be back with my parents again, while I figured out something else. And whatever else I could figure out would have to be some bedroom in some stranger’s house in some terrible location, nowhere near downtown, so I’d have the same problem of losing the parts of my life I’d just gotten back. The coaching, the comedy, the social life. I’d put them on pause while adjusting to the new job, it would be so hard to get them back if I had to take lots of buses to get there.

- So it turned out that he, as the sole tenant, could unilaterally end the lease if he wanted to. I went to the landlord to put in an application to take over the lease after he ended it. He found out, called me, accused me of betraying him by going behind his back to the landlord to try to take his house. He told me I was being “difficult” and making this full of “animosity” rather than just being nice and leaving when I was told to, as I was supposed to do because it wasn’t my house. And it wouldn’t work anyway because he wasn’t ending the lease, he was just kicking me off it and would then add this family onto it, and then transfer tenancy over to them and he’d leave. And yes he could legally kick me off the lease because tenants can choose who the additions are.

I asked him why he was doing this and he said it was his house and he wanted it to go to someone he cared about after he moved out, rather than having it go to some random person. I asked him why I wasn’t a consideration, and he said he’d always thought of it as his place, where I was just renting a room from him. I pointed out that 1) maybe we’d never been close friends but I had known him/shared a sports team with him for 15 years so I’m hardly some random person, and 2) we paid an equal amount of money so did he manage to view that as me just renting a room in his house? What I didn’t mention was that, genuinely, that explains a lot. A lot about how he lived (having his girlfriend stay for 4-5 nights at a time most weeks, having her work from our living room all day so I couldn’t use it, taking over the kitchen all night, never cleaning up after himself, making noise all night, power tools early in the morning doing woodworking projects in the backyard, generally living as though he didn’t have a roommate), if he thought it was his place and no one else’s. He told me there was nothing I could do, I told him I was going to go to the landlord and find out if I had any rights to stay as someone who’d been living there for four years.

- The next day, I got a message from him saying he’d decided I could stay, on some conditions. I didn’t known why at first, then I talked to my best friend, and he told me that my roommate had called him (my best friend is the guy who runs the team with me, so my roommate has also known him for 15 years) to ask him to talk me into just leaving. My friend told him he was being ridiculous and it wasn’t his house and he should just let me stay. I’m not saying my roommate is the kind of guy who will listen to men but not women, but I am saying I regularly heard Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson’s voices come from his bedroom, and in this instance he did ignore the woman’s opinion and then listen to a man saying the same thing.

- I was so relieved about getting to stay that I agreed to way too many conditions. He wanted $600 for the washing machine, which didn’t even make sense, as it was there when he moved in. He didn’t own it. By paying for it, I wouldn’t own it. He just said it was there and I’d get to keep it so he wanted money for it. He also said I had to pay $150 for an AC unit that didn’t want. And I had to pay the full September rent, my half and his half, so that he would stay on the lease without adding another person to it, giving me time to find someone else to take his place. Because during the confusion, his subletter had moved out since she needed to find a place that wasn’t trying to kick her out, so I’d need to find someone new to cover his half of the rent.

I agreed to it all. I sent him so much money just so he’d clear the fuck out of the house. So much money. It wiped out nearly all the money I’d managed to save from my new job, putting me fairly close to where I’d been early in the year, in terms of being very short on money. Though at least I now had a way to earn the money back.

- I started going online to look for new roommates, which scared me. I’d never lived with strangers before, I guess that’s the advantage of having a large sports team that’s a tight-knit social community. I had social connections to enough people through that so there was always someone looking for roommates, and I lived with various combinations of people from the team through my twenties. But now, everyone my age could afford their own place, and I’d distanced myself from that team enough so I didn’t feel comfortable just asking around, so I went looking for strangers.

Until my best friend, who lived on his own very nearby (another reason why I wanted to keep that place, I’m always walking over to see him and walking home late and love the convenience of that) said he was planning to move out of his place for various reasons. I asked if he wanted to move in with me, there was some back and forth while he thought about it, and then he agreed. He said he was trying to save to buy a place, but wasn’t ready yet, will probably buy a place late next year. But in the meantime, would move in with me. I was really excited about that. The perfect solution. I get to keep my place, and I get to swap my terrible roommate for a guy I love spending time with.

- Oh yeah, I forgot to say that during all this, it turned out that the place that hired me was pretty much a crime ring. I could see as soon as I started there that they weren’t big on labour laws. Had us work seven hours with no breaks, we were allowed to eat lunch while working but on my second day I was admonished for eating a banana in the storage cupboard because we have to continue doing our jobs while we eat. Way too many large adult clients stuffed into small rooms, enough to be a fire hazard and therefore way beyond a comfortable amount for disabled people who struggle in crowds. Incredibly low staff to client ratios, so we couldn’t properly supervise them, even the ones who could be a danger to themselves or others. All of this worsened the rampant physical and sexual violence for which we were given no training to handle; there weren’t enough staff to control the violent clients, stop them from hurting staff or non-violent clients. I got physically and sexually assaulted multiple times in two months, and at no time was I offered so much as a five-minute break after.

That’s not even getting into how they abused the clients. One guy who wasn’t toilet trained was not allowed to wear pull-ups anymore, he had to wear regular underwear and then wet himself every time, and often sit in it as there weren’t enough staff to have time to change him often. A guy who ate incredibly slowly was put in a room with a guy who compulsively steals food, we asked the managers to be allowed to take one of them out of the room and were told no, they had to stay there with the door closed. Even though another guy in the room got very upset about being a room with closed doors, due to PTSD from childhood abuse in locked rooms. On two occasions in two months, clients came in very sick, we said they needed to be sent home, we were told we had to work with them anyway because their group homes couldn’t handle them all day, we took their temperature and found high fevers, we weren’t given any PPE when doing physical work with them, on both occasions I learned informally that they had tested positive for COVID, but the staff were never officially informed of this. Every day we had to write logs about what each client had done all day, and we were instructed to lie on them, to never write anything negative – even if that client had had a violent meltdown that day, we had to write that they had a good day and made a craft or something.

I also spoke to my coworker, who had come from Peru for this job, and realized she was being horrifically financially abused. Have you ever read those news stories about labour exploitation of migrant workers? Because this had all of it. Lying to her about the working conditions and nature of the job before she came. Paying her less than I got paid, just because she was foreign. Having her live in a house they owned and charging her twice as much rent as they’d told her would be before she came, taking the rent directly from her paycheck (very illegal), sometimes taking it on random days instead of the day they’d said would be rent collection day, sometimes taking even more than rent was supposed to be. Not paying her for her training or her overtime. When she tried to move out because conditions in the house where they had her live were terrible, she was told not to leave. She couldn’t quit or she’d get deported.

At this point, I had some amazingly good luck: the autism centre for which I’d also interviewed messaged me and said the candidate they’d hired over me hadn’t worked out, and they wanted to know if I was still interested in the spot starting in early August. I said yes, so I was able to quit that terrible job after only two months, even have two weeks off in between, and then start the autism centre job, where I’ve now been working for almost four months. It’s much, much better. It’s long hours and high-pressure work and low pay, but not incredibly low pay (not, like, minimum wage), and those hours involve the legally mandated numbers of breaks, and I work one-on-one with clients in a building with enough space and other resources, and we’re given training (oh yeah, forgot to mention my previous job threw me into the classroom on my first day with literally no training), and workplace violence is very rare and handled when it happens.

However, I felt terrible about leaving me old job, knowing that staff and clients alike were being abused and I couldn’t do anything about it. But a month after I left, my coworker called me and said she needed help. She’d taken medical leave from the company after a client had hit her in the face and broken her glasses, and the company had no only offered her no compensation (for, if nothing else, the cost of new glasses), but wouldn’t give her information about where to go for medical help, which she didn’t know since she’s not from here. She found it on her own, told the doctor everything, the doctor said he’d sign off on medical leave for her and also she needed to report this to the police. So she did, and what followed was a long and horrible legal battle in which the company lied to the cops about the working conditions, it was her word against theirs, also the company was calling her and making threats, they’d even somehow found phone numbers for her boyfriend and his parents and were calling them to leave threatening messages too.

She told me it was her word against theirs and the authorities needed a statement from someone else to back up her story. So I broke all the confidentiality agreements I’d signed to write a witness testimony about all the ways my coworker had been abused by the company, which I sent to her lawyer, and he sent to the Ministry of Labour, and apparently, they said that one corroborating voice was all they needed, and she won her case. The company had to pay her ten thousand dollars in stolen wages, and they had to be pay tens of thousands of dollars more in fines to the government as penalty for wage theft and human labour trafficking. They also lost their licence to bring people in internationally for jobs, because I guess the government takes that away if you commit human trafficking. And now a disability rights organization is lobbying for a full investigation into the company.

Oh, and the government let my co-worker out of her contract on compassionate grounds due to workplace abuse, and gave her a work permit that isn’t tied to that job, so she can stay in the country and look for other jobs. I recently gave her a reference for a job at a different organization, where she’s now working and is very happy.

- So that was happening, in the middle of me working out where to live. I didn’t even have time to adjust to the first job before I started a second job, and then I had to adjust to that one. Learn the place and the people and the rules all over again. It was much easier with actual training, of course, but still stressful because 1) any new job is stressful, and 2) as I keep saying, autism. Autism and not enjoying having to transition to new things. So in August, I was still in a position of trying to adjust to a new job, still anxious and exhausted from that, still did not have the energy to move or even find a strange new roommate. Was so relieved when I could just stay there and live with my best friend.

- However, before that got resolved, I was offered a housesitting situation from some rich people that my dad knew who were going away from September 5-December 1 this year. They were way out in the suburbs, so definitely not compatible with my plan to have a social life/go see comedy and live music, that sort of thing. However, it was a ridiculously nice house, they had a hot tub and treadmill and home theatre and two lovely cats, and also, I didn’t know if I’d have my own place in the fall. I took it because I figured if I did lose my place downtown, at least I could spend the fall living there while I figured out my next step, rather than living with my parents. After that, things with my house did get resolved, but I’d already committed to housesitting for the fall, so I moved out there.

- In September, my best friend and I signed the lease as official, equal co-tenants. My old roommate was legally out of there. I’d paid so much money to get rid of him, but it was worth it. I’d live in the suburbs until December 1 and then move back downtown and it would all be fine.

- This stability lasted two weeks. Two weeks after signing the lease with me, when he was about to move in, my best friend bought a house. There were five days between him finding the house and buying it. He’d just been vaguely looking around, not planning to actually buy until next year. But then he found this place, which is literally two blocks from the place where I lived downtown, and it was amazingly cheap for a three-bedroom house, so he bought it.

He asked me if I wanted to move into one of the bedrooms there, for the same money I paid at my old place (the price of my half of the rent there, which is very cheap compared to rent on comparable places, plus half the utility bills). It was a really, really good deal. Also, I was so fucking exhausted from all the change and transition throughout the year, that I did not have the energy to go back and start looking for a stranger to be my roommate again. I just couldn’t do it. I also didn’t want to risk having a stranger move in and be terrible – after I just spent four years living with someone terrible – when I had the option of moving in with my best friend, and guy I’ve known for twenty years and love and have fought with at times but I know he isn’t terrible.

So I said yes to moving in with him, even though I’d just spent the better part of a year expending massive amounts of time and energy and stress on fighting to stay in my place. Not to mention all the money I’d paid my roommate so I could stay in that place, now wasted, even though I’m hardly rich enough to be able to afford to waste that kind of money. And, as I said, significant emotional attachment to that house that I’d now have to leave. Also, it would mean I’d have to move – and not just move out of my bedroom, but clear out an entire house – after I had no had to move for four years and was desperately trying to avoid the stress of moving on top of my still relatively new fulltime job.

- My best friend never actually moved into my new place. We put in our notice to leave the place shortly after signing the lease on it. He also gave notice at his own apartment that he was moving out. Then moved directly from his own apartment to the new house. We had to give two months notice on my place, which we gave at the end of September, so had to be out by November 30.

- So. This brings me to last week. My terrible horrible no good very bad week. Basically, the reason the week was terrible was I had to clear out a three-story two-bedroom house, at the same time as I had to move out of my housesitting situation, as they both ended at the end of November.

Last week I got quite sick, called in sick to work on Friday and spent all day sick in bed, would have done the same on Saturday, but on Saturday and Sunday, I had to go downtown and spend all day moving my stuff from my own place to my new place that was two blocks away. My three years of hardly leaving my bedroom have significantly loosened my connections to that tight-knit community, so while in past years I had people from the team come help me move, this year it was just my mother and I there all day, and my best friend came to help with his truck for the last few hours (to be fair, he would have helped more but he was away coaching tournaments all weekend, and also I probably could have asked around the team and gotten help, but I’ve been so distant that I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore).

We moved all my stuff, which was all in my bedroom, because I only lived in my bedroom. But also, shockingly, my roommate had left huge amounts of stuff in the house. I’m pretty sure this is the real reason why he wanted to kick me out and give the house to a friend of his when he moved out – he wanted to have his friend live there because his friend wouldn’t mind that he never moved out most of his stuff. So I had to move out lots of his furniture. The giant piles of wood he left in the front and back, from abandoned woodworking projects. I had messaged him to say I was moving out and needed all his stuff out of here, and he said he’d move it, but of course he didn’t. And because he was legally off the lease, it would be my best friend and I who had to pay the fine if stuff got left in that house for the landlord to deal with (if you leave stuff in the house, the landlord charges you for the cost of getting rid of it). Legally, my best friend and I were responsible for the house, as the tenants. But because my best friend had never lived there, he didn’t really feel fully responsible either. He helped the way you help a friend move, not the way you help move out of a house that’s actually yours.

Also, during the process of moving I broke down crying several times because I was so upset to take apart my bedroom and lose the place to which I'd grown attached. I kept thinking of the Kitson show where he had to leave a home he loved and paid builders lots of money to take the place apart for him, had them do not just the moving but also all the packing, so he didn't have to do the emotionally difficult thing of seeing the place taken apart. I kept thinking I really see why someone would do that, all I need to do is become the greatest comedian of my generation and then I can afford to do the same.

We managed to get all my and my roommate’s stuff dealt with on the weekend. Most moved to my new house, some stored at my parents’ place, and a massive pile of stuff to be thrown out, mostly belonging to my roommate, in the basement. Wednesday was garbage night, so on Wednesday after work, I had to go back downtown and spend another three hours moving all the garbage, including things like my roommate’s old giant mattress, from the basement to where the garbage truck collects things.

The other nights of the week, I spent cleaning the very nice rich people’s house where I’d been living since September, and gathering my stuff from there to move out. On Thursday, my mother came over to help me finish cleaning and let me use her car to move my stuff from there to her place. We were up late but managed to get it all done. I brought the stuff to my parents’ place so I could crash there for the weekend, maybe the week, I don’t know. The rest of my stuff is in a disorganized pile at my new house, I don’t have the energy to deal with it. I might just stay with my parents until I deal with it next weekend.

- Here’s another thing: I bonded with both cats in the three months I was housesitting, but especially hard with one of them. I’ve known a lot of cats in my time, my parents always had cats when I was growing up. I have never known a cat like this one. When I first met her, she was violent and aggressive, she’d scratch up my hands and feet when I tried to touch her. After a couple of weeks, she started crawling into bed with me at night. Then she started sitting on my lap when I was on the couch. By the end of three months, she was the most affectionate cat I’ve ever known. Would follow me around the house squeaking. Slept with me every night, sitting right on my chest and purring until we fell asleep. Cuddled with me everywhere. I got so attached to her, I was really sad about having to leave her.

On Thursday night, after cleaning, my mother helped me clip the cats’ nails so that the owners won’t have to do that when they get home. Obviously, this high-strung cat got upset about that. I was sad about having to leave while the cat is mad at me, which I realize is silly, but a fair bit of this post has been about how I was sad to leave a house because I loved the house too. We tried giving her treats, but nothing cheered her up. Finally I picked her up even though she was still upset, so I could hold her and say goodbye. She was growling and my mom warned me that she might attack, but I said no, she was violent when I first met her, after a few weeks she stopped attacking me, she hasn’t scratched me in ages, she doesn’t do that anymore once she gets to know someone.

Obviously – obviously – she reached up with both paws and scratched hard at both sides of my face, and at the same time attacked with her face and bit me on the nose, drawing blood. Luckly she didn’t draw blood with her claws because she’d just had her nails clipped, though I do have visible scratch marks on my forehead, quite close to my eyes, very luckily she missed actually getting my eyes. I panicked and threw her away from me, scared that if I just put her down gently she’d still be able to reach my eyes. So I’d wanted to have a nice moment of saying goodbye to this cat I’d grown attached to, but the last contact I’d had was her scratching up my face and me pretty much throwing her across the room.

- Oh, did I mention that everything I own fell apart at the same time? Last week, my laptop went from randomly shutting down a few times a day to doing it almost constantly. So also during this week, I ordered a new laptop online. Which was at least a bit of luck, that it happened during Black Friday sales. I got one that I think is quite good, for a good deal, so I’m at least pleased about that. But it was another thing to worry about in the middle of worrying about everything else.

Yesterday I worked from 9-6:15 (with the legally-mandated number of breaks in the middle because this is a reasonable job), after having been up late the night before cleaning, and the night before that throwing out garbage, and all week dealing with moving out of two places, and my face hurt from cat scratches and the cut on my nose from a cat bite kept opening up, and when I finished work I was fucking exhausted, but I still had to go out after and buy a new phone. Because also my phone stopped working. Well didn’t 100% stop working, but various things happened to it to make it basically unusable, and they started happening this week.

My headphones have also been fading for a while, shutting down without warning and not staying connected, it started getting worse lately, so I got a good deal on new headphones for Black Friday. So that is cool – I have new headphones and a new laptop and a new phone. All good things. Except that they put a pretty significant dent in my bank account, especially because I’ve also just paid for half of a week’s stay in Edinburgh next year (the other half isn’t due until July, I figured paying in installments would be better). That hasn’t wiped out everything I’ve managed to save from my new job, but it has made me go from being really excited about how much money/financial stability I’ve built up, to being worried about money again.

Also, I’m fucking tired and don’t want to do any more fucking admin, and setting up the new laptop and new phone is admin. Even though it is fun admin, I actually do enjoy doing that sort of thing and will spend this weekend doing it.

- So that’s been my week, and my year. The week is finally over. It’s Saturday morning and I’m at my parents’ place. I have lots of stuff in suitcases and garbage bags here, and lots more stuff in a huge mess at my new house downtown, and I need to organize it all before I have a stable home base (by which I mean, bedroom where all my stuff is set up exactly the way I like it so I can sit in it and be comforted by the presence of all my things from all my years and know this is mine and I am safe here, because I do tend to lose my mind if I go too long without that) again. But at least I met the deadlines for getting out of the places where I needed to get out. The unpacking can happen in my own time, no official deadline. The worst of it is done. And the first four months at my current job are now almost done – I passed my three-month probation so I’m a proper employee. I’ve done some of the hard work of figuring out a new place and new people and new expectations. And maybe, once I get everything set up – the house and the laptop and everything – I can start 2024 with some stability and some things that will last for a little while and I won’t have to do any more transitions for some time.

I am aware, by the way, of how incredibly first-world problem this post is. How incredibly lucky I am to have parents who have the resources to help me (ie. a house where I can stay when I need to and store my things, a car they can use to help me move), and who are willing and generous enough to help me. A stable job. A place to live that’s free from violence. A house where I can afford to live in the city centre during a housing crisis (due to being lucky enough to have a friend who could afford to buy a place and was kind enough to offer me some of it at a cheap rate). The money, now, to afford a new phone and laptop when they both fall apart in one week. Birthright citizenship in Canada so I didn’t have to stay in that abusive job for the visa. High enough functioning ability so I don’t have to live in an abusive home like the clients at my old job. I’m ridiculously lucky in many ways. This post is venting about how hard I’ve found things, but it’s also about a life that’s a lot easier than a lot of people’s.

And I know that none of the problems I've described are even that bad. But they're hard for me to handle. I hate chaos. I hate transitions. I hate knowing a transition is coming soon. I hate adjusting to new things. I like knowing that the major things in my life are all set up and will stay they way they are for some time. It feels like fucking ages since I've been able to know that. And not knowing that makes me anxious and makes everything so much harder.

However, I did gloss over one thing there. You know what else I did last week? I booked a fucking place in Edinburgh! First week of August, 2024. I’ve put in a request for time off already, and I’ve pretty much been told anything requested this far in advance will be granted. I booked a room in an Air B&B that’s a 50-minute walk or 10-15-minute bus ride from Edinburgh’s city centre, at a price that I think is quite reasonable compared to what I’d been warned to expect from prices for accommodation during the Edinburgh Festival. I’ve spent so much time in the Edinburgh city centre via Google Earth that I feel like I know it backwards and forwards, but obviously I’ve already started exploring the neighbourhood where I’ve book the room via Google Earth, by the time I get there I’ll know that place too. I can’t stop going on Google Earth and looking at the house and knowing that’s where I’ll be for a week next year.

It’s real this time. Since 2020, I’ve been talking about wanting to do a trip to the UK. I’d saved some money for it a while ago, but when my editing work dried up at the end of 2022/beginning of 2023 (by which I mean, I stopped working when I was depressed post-breakup, and then the worked happened to dry up shortly afterward, the combination of those things was bad), I spent all the money I’d saved for a trip. I’d tried so many times to plan something, but it always fell through in one way or another. Even this year, I’ve been hoping for the last few weeks that I could do a trip to London in February, but the dent made in my bank account by having to buy all new electronics at once (even getting the non-fancy versions of those electronics and Black Friday sales) has made me say that’s not going to happen anymore.

But this one. Edinburgh 2024. That’s fucking real this time. This is the first time I’ve taken a concrete step toward committing to a trip, rather than just theoretical planning and looking around Google Earth to decide what I want. I booked the place. I messaged with the owner. I paid half the cost upfront. That is something to look forward to. Also, my workplace closes down in the last week of July, so my plan is to go to London for that week in July, and then have the first week of August at the Edinburgh Festival.

So 2024 is looking better than 2023. I think. Like I said, I haven’t even been sharing a lot of these life details with my friends for the last couple of months, I've just wanted to try not to think about it, so it has felt nice to write it all down. I woke up in my childhood bedroom at my parents’ place this morning and just started writing, because I’m so relieved that the worst of it is done. 2024. Edinburgh year. It’ll be good. I absolutely cannot be bothered to edit this post, so sorry that it’s full of errors (I know they always are, but I often try to do at least a quick skim to fix the worst of them, can’t be bothered with this so it’s probably worse than most).

[overobsessedfanboy23]

Okay so... episode 81

Not as good as last week's episode, but there was absolutely no way in hell it was going to be so that's okay. This episode kept me consistently entertained and that's the most important thing to me. The main reason Go Rush was frustrating me for so long was because it was boring. I can handle bad or ridiculous writing in Yugioh (the latter is why I'm here honestly) as long as it's not boring, morally problematic, or destructive to established characters. This arc so far is none of those things. It's been at the bare minimum entertaining and at best, it's been really good.

This episode is one of the lesser ones of the arc so far for me: better than episode 79 but not as good as 78 or 80, but it was still pretty decent.

More specific spoilers below

Honestly, this episode had the feel of a typical season 1 episode and I mean that in a good way. It had a lot more of that dynamic between the central yu-protags that I loved so much in the early episodes, and Yudias was finally allowed to have a personality again. He's honestly been so milk toast bland lately that I forgot the reason I liked him in season 1: he is a dork, a fish out of water, a dumbass when it comes to humanity and social situations in general. He's hardly been like this at all in season 2. He was honestly starting to fall into what I'm going to call "JP-Yusei syndrome" where he showed so little personality that only his negative traits (however intentional they may have been) stood out. So I'm glad that for this episode at least, Yudias was back to his usual self.

I also like that this episode not only brought back Yudias's positive qualities, but called attention to his intentional flaws: he's overly honest and naive, which Kuaidul was able to use against him. It creates a clear contrast between the hero and the villain and deepens the connection between them. I really hope they continue exploring this idea going forward. This episode is the sort of one that will either improve or rot with timed depending on how it's followed up on.

Yudias's reactions to Asaka and Kawaii Tell's antics in the beginning and the others calling him out on his character flaws at the end were definitely the highlights of the episode for me. The duel was a decent one that held my attention but wasn't particularly memorable or ground-breaking. It was just perfectly serviceable and felt like more of a "getting from point A to point B" type duel.

Next week meanwhile... looks really shitty I'm not gonna lie. Zwijo start going downhill in season 1, and while he has been starting to get a bit better lately thanks to his dynamic with Yuhi, I absolutely do not care about or want an episode about him and ladybug girl. And probably Mitsuko... uuugh if that episode is about that whole thing, I'm gonna be so annoyed. I really hated that Mitsuko vs Zwijo duel last arc, though I had startlingly little to say about it at the time because it was one of many episodes I watched to catch up and I was still numb to Go Rush's awfulness. So uh... not looking forward to next episode. I'll trudge through it if getting through it means we'll be done with that crap and hey maybe it'll exceed my expectations but... yeah I'm not expecting much. I just really hope it doesn't derail the whole arc.

[scripted-downfall]

Love, Need, and Reciprocation

I don’t know how well (or badly) received this is going to be, but I feel the need to comment on that scene from s08e17 “Goodbye Stranger” where Dean breaks Cas out of Naomi’s spell with the whole “I need you” thing.  I know it’s a pretty popularly cited fact that the initial line was “I love you”, and I’ve heard a surprising (to me) number of people lately saying that the latter phrasing would have been better, and I just… don’t agree.  This scene has probably already been analyzed a bunch, so I’m left hoping this isn’t repetitive/annoying; it’s partly a way of composing my own thoughts on the issue.  (To be clear, before I get into it, I very much do ship Destiel.)

Because the thing is.  Obviously, Dean is very, very bad with emotional communication; we know this from the very beginning, what with the “no chick-flick moments” line and all.  But there’s also the fact that I’m willing to bet a lot that he has next to no experience with actual spoken love.  I mean, yeah, maybe Mary said it when she was alive, but that was only four years (at most, since, technically, his memory was bound to be near-nonexistent for at least some of that time).  After she died, John Winchester — whether you side on the hate-him side or on the he-did-his-best side — definitely wasn’t saying it.  Dean’s exchange of endearments with Sam basically consists of the bitch-jerk call-and-response, so I highly doubt there were “I love you”s exchanged there unless things were going really wrong (and that’s Dean’s closest relationship, since his entire life is built around his brother, so the lack of verbally-expressed love in that relationship is telling).  And then, finally, Dean’s romantic pursuits have mostly been the results of dispassionate one-night stands, with three possible exceptions, and most of those lasted under two weeks (judging by his answers to the therapist in “Sam Interrupted.”)

On the other hand, you’ve got “I need you.”  And, to break things down for this the same way I did above, you’ve got the same rough stages.  Before Mary died, he was called upon because Mary needed support to deal with her and John’s fighting.  Once she died, John needed Dean to look after Sam because Sam needed his brother (read: brother, father, mother, etc, etc).  Dean had to go into hunting because there were civilians who needed help.  Hell, Dean’s love language is, in large part, acts of service, principally because responding to being needed has always been an important part of his character.

And, adding on to this by going back to the very-bad-with-emotional-communication thing, Dean never admits weakness if he can help it.  He doesn’t even tell Sam about that stuff most of the time; he needs a ton of pressure for him to even let his “game face” slip.  So to admit to needing someone is basically the most vulnerable Dean Winchester ever gets (with a few very notable, usually end-of-the-world level exceptions… which also brings up the point that the fact that Dean is getting to this level of emotional vulnerability means that something is threatening his world… I’ll leave it there.)

Anyway… I kinda get where people are coming from with confirmation-of-reciprocation-would-be-nice, but I feel like the decision to replace “I love you” with “I need you” was both a lot more in character and a lot more meaningful given the character saying it than the reciprocal would be.

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (26/02/23)

I read a buncha stuff and it’s only been increasing over time and I like yapping about it so gonna start making a post like this every sunday (jump day) so I can dump all my thoughts for the week, stuff is in the order I read it in (best stuff last for the stuff that comes out on sunday), tho sometimes something will be at the top if I did a big catch up or there’s a new series obviously there’s gonna be spoilers under cut sometimes tho not like I expect anyone to actually read these but and sometimes I don’t have much to say about stuff but yeah. tho since this is the first it’s mostly just my overall opinion on them (especially the jump stuff) if something isn’t on here it’s cause I’m either not reading it, or not caught up yet (most likely the latter)

Dandadan Ch94

I was very unsure about dandadan in the first chap cause it made me a bit uncomfortable but it’s actually really good. it’s stupid how incredibly good the art is for a weekly series. it’s currently trucking along a training arc, so not much happened, but all that talk about spirals got my ttgl loving ass very interested in what okarun gonna do in the future

Jojo: The Hol Horse/Josuke spinoff Ch13

I actually started reading this right after I finished P8 cause “well it’s more jojo and there’s only like 11 chaps so not gonna take that long to catch up anyway” and it’s p decent for not being written by araki. as for this chap, ryoko finally saw kakyoin so it’s gonna end sooner than later, tho I obviously never expected it to be that long only 2 or 3 vols, tho I gotta say I’ve really enjoy the characterization they gave dio and showing him recruit his goons from part 3

One Punch Man Ch177

OPM is one of my favourite manga ever so I don’t think there’s much else for me to say. saitama fighting tatsumaki has been very pog, excited to continue seeing this fight, I love tatsumaki so all these recent chaps have been a treat, especially that panel in 176 where saitama squishes her against his chest OOF

Tokyo Underworld Ch32

it’s like an isekai gory survival game,it’s nothing to write home about but it’s also not bad enough to drop and I love danganronpa so I thought it could scratch that itch (it didn’t but oh well). as for the chap, I thought having leonidas and jeanne to go up against was already bad enough for the protags but now cao cao showed up too so good luck to them

Choujin X Ch35

the newest manga from tokyo ghoul’s author, chapters come out when they’re ready and sometimes they’re crazy long cause of that. it’s kinda hard to keep track of cause of that, and cause it’s ishida too lol, but it isn’t bad at all. this chap came after a 4 parter chapter, and it’s a 59 page one, calm down ishida. a big time skip huh? certainly didn’t expect it, chap was mostly the aftermath of the previous battle and then a fastforward in time to where we are now the final shot was cool tho 

PPPPPP Ch70 (Finale)

from the start I never liked the art and never cared about any of the characters. I used to have it at a 5 but I bumped it down to 4 cause I didn’t care about the ending either, especially the rushing to “resolve” the other brothers’ stories in the last few chaps which even ignored some of them. the story was ok at best but way too confusing and hard to follow at some points, even if you didn’t read it weekly but all back to back. all the performances looked cool at least

Ichigoki’s Under Control!! Ch12

it’s a gag manga so it really depends on your sense of humour, but I think it’s really bad, and most people seem too since it always places so low in the rankings. last chap had a huge timeskip so hopefully it’s ending soon. 

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch14

another one I haven’t liked since the start. it’s way too edgy for my taste, recently it’s moved on from being edgy for the sake of it and actually doing stuff, but it also feels like it’ll end soon so I’m thankful for that. it has some cool panel composition sometimes tho

Ginka & Glüna Ch23

while the art, especially the action, is good looking most of the time the rest of the manga doesn’t really do anything special and it’s gonna get axed sooner than later so rip to the author

Fabricant 100 Ch11

another one that’ll prob get axed soon. the art isn’t bad, reminds me of fma tbh, but it’s p boring since the mc’s sidekick is so much more powerful than the enemies, the arc from the last few chaps was a bit more interesting and today’s chap wasn’t bad but still not enough to save it I think.

Jiangshi X Ch6

the art’s good but it has felt pretty generic so far, tho today’s chapter moved the plot along a bit so we’ll see, this isn’t on the jump mag so no risk of it getting axed too soon like some other stuff

Tokyo Demon Bride Story Ch24

it’s a shame that’s it getting axed soon instead of one of the 4 I mentioned before. the art’s great, all the designs are fun and the charas are likeable

Cipher Academy Ch13

the nisio series, which I always joke about being rough for the translator, that actually made the current translator quit lmao. while it’s not a series for everyone it’s doing alright in rankings so I hope it sticks around for a good while, I always enjoy getting some nisio stuff when it’s possible. today’s chap had a neat development too

Witch Watch Ch98

a very cute chap today, good for nico finally having some time alone with moi

Blue Box Ch90

I was actually very unsure of blue box when I started it cause if feels so shoujo-y but I actually ended up really liking it a lot and I’m invested in taiki and natsu. today’s chap was incredible too oh my god 

Mashle Ch145

it’s getting an anime in april! and it’s prob gonna adapt the whole manga cause it’ll end soon! it starts off as a comedy manga making fun of “magic school” series but it eventually becomes a very pog battle manga, while still retain some of it’s comedy. it’s currently on the battle against the final villain so not much more left.

The Elusive Samurai Ch99

Matsui’s 3rd series and 3rd hit wao! it’s only a matter of time til it gets an anime too so that’s an incredible track record for him. it’s a period piece with matsui’s usual flair to it, the art is very good, especially some of the more detailed panels he pulls off sometimes. today introduced some new characters and set up the mcs to get some power ups next chap, the big 100, so that was fun

Sakamoto Days Ch108

one of the best things on jump rn and probably getting an anime announcement sometimes this year. I like to describe it as “anime john wick”. the fight coreography, set pieces and everything is just some of the best in any manga, not even just now but that I’ve read ever. really hope it gets picked up by a studio that doesn’t half ass it cause it deserves the love.

Akane-banashi Ch51

currently my favourite series in jump by a long shot!! it’s crazy too cause when it started I was like “eh how are they gonna pull off a manga about rakugo”but they did, oh boy did they. it got recommendations from both oda AND anno on vol 1 and 2 so you know it’s something special. please read it if you haven’t yet. today’s chap was very good as usual, it was the backstory of akane’s main rival

Ayakashi Triangle Ch121

yabuki’s, of TLR fame, newest series, it doesn’t have as many lewd moments but it has more action to make up for it. I really enjoy it at lot but ofc I do it’s yabuki how could I not, his art is just a treat to look at and he knows how to make entertaining manga

[yerbamansa]

on revenge ranch, hitting milestones, and writing to process personal shit

trying to port a twitter thread over here, please hold for awkwardness.

Our Flag Means Death got me back into writing fanfic after a few years of not writing at all, and I just hit what feels like a milestone there and wanted to reflect on it. 🧵

I just hit over 100k words across 15 entries in a series, Revenge Ranch, a modern AU loosely centered on Jim and Oluwande but with POV stories from other characters too. It's definitely a case of "I write for myself," but thrillingly also connection with others. 2/

I'm not comfortable writing smut and plot isn't my strong suit, so it's not like I'm "popular," but writing as a means of processing feelings that the show and also life brought up has been its own reward. 3/

Specifically, of course, the show dredged up an awful lot of stuff about queerness and gender for me, which was a path I'd been on for a few years already, but clearly had (have) a long ways to go. So I wrote about people trying to find their place in the world. 4/

I wrote in a modern AU because, frankly, historical stuff was both too complicated and too icky in the details to be fun for me. Surely worthwhile themes to explore, but not for me. I just wanted people to get to be OK. Because maybe we get to be OK. 5/

The first story I wrote in the series was an attempt to explore how Jim and Oluwande ended up together, and I went with the latter's POV. Just thought we needed more fics of the pair, and figured it'd be a one-off. 6/

(so i went a little nuts in canva last week...)

Of course, once I wrote it, more story came to mind, and I had to switch to Jim's POV. Which was scarier. Harder shit to work through, plus actual personal (gender) feelings. But it cracked something open. 8/

And people commented/liked? There was discussion? Again, not in VAST numbers (which, honestly, that would be a lot to deal with, and I am an anxious soul), but the interactions I had and connections I made gave me a weird glimmer of hope. 10/

It's fucked up, honestly. I have long called myself "fandom-phobic" because it's just...a lot. Either you're hot shit or you're no one, and everyone's judging themselves and, uncomfortably often, each other. Cliquey. So a little niche felt right. 11/

Also, I am VERY MUCH in therapy, and my poor therapist has had to patiently listen to me rant about a TV show and fanfic for six months now while actually being supportive so uhh. Huzzah for queer therapists. Anyway. 12/

My intention was to avoid focusing on Ed/Stede just because there was so much of it already, but I couldn't tell the story without it. Plus, I just...really get Stede, in the sense that it took me a long time to figure things out, and wanting to escape. /13

At this point I decided the pattern was Oluwande➡️Jim➡️another character, so it was back to Oluwande, now more settled in, both at the Revenge Ranch and with Jim. And third-wheeling Ed and Stede's reunion. I wanted to explore his interests, though. 15/

Once you've been jolted out of monotony and things seem safe, what then? What makes you tick? Who do you want to BE? OK, also Izzy is in this one. 17/

Looking at one relationship through the lens of another person is kind of a fun challenge, especially when the third party is building a relationship with each half of the couple. So naturally, Jim and Ed gotta bond. 18/

ugh, i just realized i forgot to add alt text to earlier images. sorry.

Anyway, Jim/Ed's friendship was maybe the most fun to write, and probably the thing I think about/wish for most often myself. (I exist on the internet…) 20/

There's so much I can't put in these stories. I aim for sensitivity and some thread of honesty, but ultimately it's a personal exploration. Which may be careless on some level. I'm bad at asking for help, especially without something to trade. 21/

Anyhoo, next we have a tiny lil' Wee John story, which pairs him with Frenchie but leaves it open-ended. As a POV character, he didn't speak to me too much, but I love him. 22/

It's all exercise, trying to find someone else's voice. Some are so loud I hear them through everyone else. Some fade into the background and I need to work to pull them out. Maybe some aren't for me at all. 23/

The next Oluwande story was maybe the hardest of the batch to write. I had an idea where I wanted him to go, but couldn't take it there yet. But he has a role and a voice and things to do. He's observant. He's kind. 24/

...and his relationship with Jim is so damn important. That they're growing together in ways that lets both of them change and fuck up and hurt and learn. Which is what happens to Jim. /26

I honestly thought this would be a fun little fuckery story and then is really, really wasn't. I love Jim and I hate making them hurt but THE SHOW DID THAT OKAY. I'm just writing the fallout. /28

So they "faked" Ed's death to get rid of Izzy. It probably doesn't work, but also I don't feel like writing it /harder/. Ed deserves a moment of reflection. He's pretty prominent in a lot of the other stories, so the one-off is short. /29

Feeling yourself out takes a goddamn lifetime, y'know?

Next, Oluwande comes home from EMT training (growth! change!) and just has a long conversation with Jim in the car. Because I love writing them together. /31

(ok i'm getting self-conscious about the length and self-indulgence of this thread, but you can always bail, folks! might as well finish this!)

With a little feel-good out of the way, it's on to more pain. I'm sorry. /33

We've gone 10 stories with Jim getting away from the vengeance life and feeling maybe good about themself for possibly the first time ever. So of course a little bit of the past has to come back and test them again. /34

Grief is hard, and closure isn't always (often) really possible. I was fighting both the "make everything better" and "make everything worse" inclinations. Also why not let Stede's kids show up now? /36

Time for yet another POV character! How about...Lucius? I am a big fan of major life events happening outside the story. I'm more interested in regular life. Anyway, let's meet Lucius's mom and his BFF, eh? /37

tfw it's fine but it's not fine with your parents, y'know? I did say I'm still working a lot of shit out, didn't I. But also Lucius is such a good dude to have in your life. He deserves the world. /39

THREE TO GO. OKAY. I had the idea to do a two-parter in which Oluwande does the EMT thing during a big storm while Jim is back at the ranch. /40

First part has the first M rating of any fic in the series. I tried. I am awkward as fuck but wanted to give them more clear intimacy. GOD, I feel fucking stunted sometimes. There's that "working shit out through fic" thing again. /41

Because of the nature of the main story, I felt compelled to do more actual research than I'd done before, at least enough to get a rough sketch of relevant details. I watched a lot of storm videos, too. And bad shit is encountered. /42

I wanted Jim's story to be more...light and fun. And it kind of is, but weird feelings snuck in there. Just, surprisingly, not theirs. /44

Which brings us to No. 15. I wanted to write a Halloween story, and I wanted to find Roach's perspective. I have so many notes trying to suss out what everyone else did for Halloween, bur Roach doesn't give a fuck. /45

Roach has his own shit going on. Lots of it he didn't want to share, and writing around that--both what he shares as thoughts and what he actually says to other characters--was tricky. Sooo many notes. /46

But in all of these, there's a little piece of myself. There's stuff I'm trying to do that's different or trying to be consistent or whatever. Because it's project, and it's given me something to focus on. /48

I don't know where the story's going from here. I want to work on some other stuff, plus I need to, like, find an actual job that pays money and doesn't make me completely miserable. So maybe I can find my own path, too. /49

Anyway. There's a whole pile of feelings and fic links from an unemployed 40-year-old weirdo. If you wanna connect, I'm open. I'm mostly enjoying the corner of the fandom I can engage with and am so inspired by other creators. Full of gratitude. ❤️ /end

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Thor: Love and Thunder - an enjoyable but ultimately disappointing experience

So a bout of Covid put me a week late in catching up with Thor: Love and Thunder. Having read the reviews and reactions, I had tempered my expectations to something reasonable after being initially very excited with the Ragnarok team coming back for another Thor movie. But still, I had decent sized expectations because I have had a higher opinion of some of the Phase 4 films than some. I quite liked DS2. I thought it felt fresh and different. Taika hasn't put a foot wrong in the last several years, with Jojo Rabbit being a masterpiece imo. I really liked Ragnarok and thought it was easily the best of the Thor movies. However, I did feel a sense that Taika is the sort to go for the joke when in a decision to play a moment straight and get the dramatic emotion vs undercutting it to elicit a laugh, he would always go for the latter, to the movie's detriment. That is one of the reasons that I had some issue with GOTG2 as well. Unfortunately, Thor: Love and Thunder definitely falls into that flaw.

Without getting into deep spoilers, the flaws in Love and Thunder basically fall into two categories. One is lack of screen time and one is tonal inconsistency. Love and Thunder might be the lightest movie tonally in the MCU in recent times. Certainly the lightest in Phase 4. However, it is a movie also dealing with Jane dying with Stage 4 cancer and of a villain butchering Gods, who is reacting from the grief of losing his daughter and the apathy of the gods to his plight. Both of these stories have potential to be heartwrenching in their own ways, but neither is given the screen time it deserves. Part of that genuinely feels like Taika doesn't know how to incorporate these serious storylines into the lighthearted romp that he wants, but this is the same man who managed to tell stories of Nazi Germany with bittersweet humor. Somehow he never seems to be able to juggle the tones here. Jane's cancer is given token treatment. As in, it is shown as little as possible to tell the audience that this is something that is happening, and the rest of the time it is something that fades into the background until it becomes important. The Gorr the God Butcher issue is possibly even worse handled, because we literally see only one god die on screen. Everything else about what Gorr has been doing is told to us is via 3rd party. Its a particularly odd way to deal with a villain played by one of the best working actors today who is giving it his all. If there was a definition of an actor being too good for the role he's in and massively elevating an underwritten role, it is Christian Bale as Gorr.

On top of this, Taika needs to learn the act of restraint when it comes to a joke. There are several occurrences of a joke which is played one two many times. The screaming goats, for example, is pretty funny when they first appear and the first few times. But by the end it does start to get annoying. Same with the love triangle with Thor, Stormbreaker, and Mjonir. Its a joke that is funny the first couple of times but the film revisits the joke too many times. There are jokes rehashed from Ragnorok, like the skit played by well known actors, which is just not that funny the second time around, or scenes which should have been played straight for emotional impact, like Thor reuniting with Sif. Additionally, a lot of whether you feel the substance of this movie depends on whether you care for the Thor and Jane relationship. Unfortunately, while this film does a better job than either Thor or Thor: TDW with that relationship, it still doesn't change the fact that the two actors really don't have much chemistry together and thus its really hard to care about their romance. There are very important character beats and power abilities that are very important in this film that really come from nowhere.

Obviously, not everything is bad. The humor works for the most part. The action is excellent and the last act is pretty good. The entire section in Omnipotence City is gold with Russell Crowe having a scene stealing presence. The actors are all game, if not particularly challenged. Chris Hemsworth is at ease when asked to play this comedic version of the character. But I can't help but feel that the full range of the character already got explored between Ragnarok to Endgame. Natalie Portman is the most engaged she has been in the role, but you feel she could have done more if she had the material. Tessa Thompson is great, though again a bit wasted and not given much of an arc. Taika himself is there as Korg and is a hoot. Christian Bale is the clear standout for me even though he has just 5 scenes. He seems to be operating in a different movie at times, because he's clearly committing to the creep factor of the character and it really bums me out that he's so underwritten because he had everything required to be a top tier MCU villain. His scenes are what you remember the most.

In the end, this isn't a terrible movie, but honestly, this feels like a rather unsubstantial movie, even within the context of the Thor franchise. The first Thor was incredibly important in the setup to the Avengers, Thor: TDW, for all its flaws, ended up being an important chapter in the Infinity Saga and introduced the reality stone and was revisited in Endgame, and Ragnarok changed the status quo of Thor and Asgard quite massively. This film doesn't feel like it really changes or introduces anything in the MCU. I'll like to see again and see if I like it more the second time around. Right now, its like a 5.5-6/10

[themountainsays]

When does roleswap!Mirabel realize she's in love? If it's not too spoiler-y

Ohhh anon that's such a good question ahh i have SOME ideas, not too spoilery I think. I think the first time Mirabel gets the idea that her feelings for Isabela may not be entirely of a platonic nature may be during one very specific scene I have in mind, or rather a progression of scenes, in reality it could be a whole chapter.

Basically: Mirabel and Isabela had a fight while at the treehouse, it gets bad, they're discussing very sensitive topics and Mirabel ends up having an anxiety/panic attack. She has NEVER had one in front of someone else before. She always kept everything so under control, that she never let them knew she even had them. It horrifies her that Isabela can see her while she's so weak and vulnerable, but it actually ends up being good for her because... well, Isabela used to have these too when she was Mirabel's age, she understands what it's like. After weeks of dismissing her sister as an annoying little brat she needs to get rid of, this is when she realizes Mirabel has a serious problem and could probably use some help. Right now, the only person around is Isabela - she realizes she crossed a line and ended up cornering Mirabel into a very stressful situation, and she really didn't mean to actually hurt her, she just wanted to get rid of her, but her reaction makes her stop on her tracks. This is the moment in which their relationship does a 180°, because Isabela sees a whole other side of Mirabel and it compels her to try to help instead of constantly telling her to fuck up. She inevitably sees her younger self in her and remember how alone and scared she fet.

She kneels in front of her and tries to help her in whatever ways she knows - she speaks softly, tries to get her to focus on something else, maybe makes her a flower and tells her to count its petals? She tries to help her breathe. I imagine this is also the first time she ever initiates contact with Mirabel, either to dry her tears if she's been crying, to brush her hair away from her face... maybe to hug her? If Mirabel leans in first in search of comfort? I need to see what their relationship looks like at this point in the story, and I'll see that when I get there as I write it. But it's generally a very tender moment in which they slow down and Isabela at least sees past her anger to understand her sister's position. I imagine she apologizes for not realizing she was going too far, to which Mirabel reacts with like, "wtf is an apology" my girl has never been apologized to before 😔😔😔😔😔😔 not to mention this is Big Bad Isabela the Wicked Witch of the Woods, evil gremlin, hates everyone, always mean, nobody likes her. But now she’s suddenly being nice and sweet and gentle?? it reminds her of the Isabela from before her big breakdown, when she was like 16 or 17 and still under Alma’s control, always so sweet and good and perfect for everyone, always happy, always bringing a smile to people’s faces - she doesn’t look happy now, she looks worried, but she’s being very careful with Mirabel in the way she speaks and the words she says, even in the way she touches her when she helps her back to her feet.

Now, it was getting late, so Isabela insists on escorting Mirabel back home, but Mirabel was only there in the treehouse because she snuck out, and if she comes back now, she’ll have to face the family at dinner, and she doesn’t feel alright enough to do that yet. So Isabela is like… “it ok let’s get you something to eat in town”.

So they go eat something, like, idk if they’re eating some bread on a bridge watching the river, away from town, or it’s a food place/inn/restaurant/etc, but if it is the latter, they’re eating on a table outside, where a few people give Isabela a bad look because, again, Big Bad Isabela, but she’s more concerned about her sister’s state. Her hands are trembling a little and she’s clearly still super anxious, looking down and not talking and fidgeting with something, like the cutlery idk, clearly doing better if still not great, she’s coming down from that spike of panic. It’s not like Isabela knows much about connecting with her or comforting her, so the best she comes up with is asking her to tell her about some artistic project she’s working on, to keep her mind distracted. Or like, asking if she likes the food, if she needs more water etc. If she feels okay. Look, Isabela has seen the prophecy, she never intended to get close to Mirabel, but she remembers being 15 and what it was like to be in her current position, and she can’t help but try to be the person she would have needed back then. She’s a bit of a bitch but deep down, she loves her sister, she’s just… in denial about it (in more ways than one :3). And Mirabel is kinda like :0 like this is too good to be true, she didn’t know Isabela had the capacity to be this nice, and it’s making her feel odd in her chest and stomach, like… a tingly warmth whenever she looks at her and asks if she’s still hungry or if she needs more time before they head back home. 

Actually, I think Mirabel already had a crush on her before all of this - I’m totally translating her whole Longing and Yearning thing from the movie, but even though Isabela is widely considered as an unpleasant queer-coded villain in town, as she got to know her better, Mirabel came to greatly respect and admire her, because… despite everything, Isabela is independant, brave, strong… she fought so hard to be true to herself and went through hell and back as punishment. I think Mirabel always knew that Isabela being ostracized and mistreated as she is, was always cruel and unfair, but everyone else was just pissed at her all the time so clearly she must have missed something. Deep down though she sees Isabela today, and sees someone she wants to be like: free, true, unbreakable… not to mention her sister is still drop dead gorgeous, like oh my god she feels like she can’t look away. What Isabela misunderstands as judgmental staring is just Mirabel being completely entranced by her natural beauty, and when I mean natural, I mean that she looks beautiful when she’s wearing a comfortable dress and doing what she loves, which is taking care of her plants and painting. No makeup, no pink, no extravagant anything, not even magic - she just looks like she came from a different world, where people live different lives, like she knows a secret everyone else in the family ignores… she’s found the key and set herself free. At the same time, she lost everything, and Mirabel acts outraged and baffled - how could Isabela throw away everything Mirabel has always fought tooth and nail for, in exchange for… a dirty treehouse and some plants??? Clearly, her sister must simply hate everyone, but… God she really did sacrifice everything to get out of the family’s grip, didn’t she? She fought and fought and fought and sacrificed so much that it breaks Mirabel’s heart, even when she still wants to blame her. In reality, she is in awe of Isabela’s strength, and she kinda wishes she could have some of that strength, too, though she wouldn’t admit it to herself quite yet. She also wouldn’t admit that she kinda wished they could get along better, sometimes, because remember: Isabela is supposed to be a Bad Guy, like, she’s harmless, but nobody likes her because she doesn't like anyone… and there is Mirabel, who was already beginning to think there was more to Isabela than she initially believed. And if anything, this turn of event proves her right - and not only that, but having all of Isabela’s attention to herself, and to be seen with so much tenderness and care, perhaps for the first time in her life, is definitely awakening something in her.

Eventually, Isabela has to take her back home, and she grows her a sort of vine ladder to help her get into her room through the window. So they climb up, and Mirabel is inside but Isabela is still standing on the other side, and Mirabel is like, “you’re not coming??” Which baffles Isabela a little because she was planning to go spend the night in her treehouse (as she always does these days, seeing the state of her room). And Mirabel is like “no way” and Isabela is like “??? no way I’m sharing a room with you” because that was Mirabel’s plan, right, this happens like a month or two after Antonio’s gift ceremony, so she has a free bed there, and she realizes that she really, really wants Isabela to stay with her. She’s suddenly holding her hands and not letting go, still a little panicky from earlier, and then Isabela just… cups her face in her hand, says goodnight to her, and makes the vines bring her down so she can retreat back into the forest, leaving a dumbfounded Mirabel behind, still staring forward, eyes wide, mouth agape, blushing, and with her heart beating at 100 miles per hour. 

And this is when she’s like “...is this a normal way to feel about your sister?” Is it normal to want to be noticed by her? To continue to be seen? To long for her attention? She’s had a taste now, and to her great surprise, she can’t wait to see her again because... oh wow her sister cares about her?? why does that make her feel so giddy?? And she was so nice and took such good care of her... she was sensitive, considerate, patient, empathetic, selfless... is this what Isabela is like when she doesn't feel under attack?

She doesn’t even say the words “in love” or anything like that in her head, she’s going to be in big denial for a long time before she even admits it to herself, but now it’s a terrifying reality that deep down she KNOWS is true yet she’s doing her damn hardest to run and hide from it :D