#also so funny to me that he’s a never-nude apparently

[homospockual]

remembering how when i watched s1 of castlevania and i got to the part where they wake the sleeping soldier, i knew that what he was wearing around his hips was a sword belt and yet could not stop myself from thinking, “adrian tepes, son of dracula, is rocking a whale tail.”

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! Thanks for all the awesome work you do! I’m trying to find fics where Aziraphale is the jealous one or is shown how head over heels he is for Crowley instead of the usual way I see it portrayed in fics.

Hello! We have a #jealous aziraphale tag, so do check that out. Here are some fics with more of a focus on Aziraphale crushing on Crowley...

It seems that I'm in love by Fan_Joy (G)

So apparently Aziraphale was in love. He was in love and he couldn't do anything about it. Or: A lot pining by Aziraphale + an unexpected love confession

5 Times Aziraphale Quietly Fell in Love by Taravarsh (G)

...and the one time he did it out loud.

Six Thousand Years, And You're Still Too Fast For Me by iamanidhwal (G)

Aziraphale was the type of angel who wrote his thoughts and feelings down whenever it started to overwhelmed him. It's only happened around ten times in the course of six thousand years. All of them after meeting with a certain demon, Crowley, and their interesting interactions in between points of history. ---- OR: Aziraphale's thoughts and feelings about Crowley over the course of six thousand years.

What Aziraphale Wants by mozbee (G)

“You could shower at my place, if you like,” Aziraphale says. He’s a step out of the lift before he realizes what he said. He quickly laughs, turning to face Crowley, to dismiss it as fast as it had come out, and sees he’s being stared at. “You mean that?” Crowley asks, an arm out to keep the lift doors from closing. Aziraphale fights off the threatening blush. It won’t do to have Crowley know he’s practically foaming at the mouth to have him spend more time with him. Because Crowley is his friend, his confidante. He can tell him anything. Except Crowley is also devastatingly handsome. --- Aziraphale is just being neighbourly, inviting Crowley over to use his shower while his bathroom is being remodelled. It has nothing to do with the pounding lust that fills him when he thinks of Crowley nude in his home. He's just being nice. Now if these pesky feelings would leave him alone...

Balance by AppleSeeds (M)

Aziraphale is dreading the camping trip his boss Gabriel has arranged for their team for the purpose of "resilience building", but finds a pleasant distraction in the form of the incredibly handsome campsite manager, Crowley. He also looks forward to zipping himself away in his tent in the evenings to focus on the erotic story he's been writing, feeling particularly inspired to write after meeting Crowley, and there's no way this could result in anything embarrassing happening at all, everything's going to be fine.

Between Comfort And Chaos by anathxmadevice (T)

“And how long have you two been a couple?” “Oh, I—” Aziraphale panics. “Ha, well, that’s a funny… We’re not actually—” “We’re just friends.” Crowley says, their voice clear and calm and lightly amused, either because of or in spite of Aziraphale’s flailing attempts to divert the conversation. “Ah, yes, quite.” Aziraphale says, then takes a sip of his drink just for something to do, instead of focussing on the way Crowley said just friends, and how it causes a painful throb in his chest that he has never fully got used to. His memory can only scrabble at the edge of a time where being just friends with Crowley didn’t feel like a particular form of torture. * Or, Aziraphale has been desperately in love with his best friend and housemate Crowley since they were students, but is too scared to do anything about it.

- Mod D

[crumbledcastle28]

Joel Miller: Marked Me Like a Bloodstain

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (afab; she/her)

Excerpt: "Wait," you whispered, "let go."

He did, and you laid him down flat on his back before leaning down on his middle and pressing a soft kiss to the scar. You traced it again, sketching designs of stars and infinity signs around it.

"I'm sorry you went through that," you whispered, and kissed it again, "but I'm glad you're here."

He kept eye contact with you as you did this, and although he'd never admit it, a slight mist lined his eyes. "Me too, baby. Me too."

Warnings: all fluff, Joel's insecure (what's new), descriptions of blood and getting impaled (also what's new), kissing, references to oral sex, major descriptions of scars, please think before you read.

A/N: title feel familiar to anyone else? (I made this title before the breakup rumors I'm so sorry)

Word Count: 1.5k

Pedro Masterlist

If you'd like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated <3

(Gif credit to owner)

The rise and fall of Joel's chest was even underneath your cheek, but the rhythm of his heart was not. With each drag of your nail across his sternum, pecks, and stomach, his heart would escalate and cascade, in perfect tempo with your fingertips. It was like a song, it never ceased to follow, and you couldn't help but smile into his warm skin after a particularly apparent inflation.

A flush of heat on his neck told you he noticed too.

"Somethin' funny," he asked with a chuckle, causing you to only giggle louder into his neck.

"Yes,' you whispered against his pulse point, pecking it slightly.

“I ain’t even gonna try to play it off," he replied, "your fingers are drivin' me nuts."

You placed your free hand on his scruff-dusted cheek and pulled his pouty lips to yours, making him groan delectably as his pointer finger continued its task of tracing over any and every inch of your exposed back.

You were never going to leave his bed.

Your nude body was warm against his own--a mix of the warm meal the two of you had shared and the slowly cooling summer night--as he kissed you back. Usually, on a night like this, you would taste each other until the sun rose, and do it once more for good measure, but not tonight.

Tonight was a jewel, an artifact, a golden crown. It was one of the rare nights that all Joel wanted to do was lie next to you, talk about anything and everything, and just be.

You pulled away and pecked his nose before tucking yourself back into his chest, sighing with relief, but never removing your eyes from his face. These nights were your favorites, purely because you could stare at him endlessly, and memorize him enough that, even in your old age, you would still be able to picture every detail of his face.

The sharpness of his jaw, the streaks of grey in his dark brown hair, the patchiness of his stubble, the exact arch of his nose, the slight wooden hint in his scent, and the drips of honey in his eyes when the setting sun hit them just right.

Naked, in every sense of the word. Your addiction to it would surely be the death of you.

Your fingers continued their mission to feel every part of him as you stared up at him, and he stared down at you, likely committing every bit of you to memory the same way you were for him. You couldn't deny the flood of warmth that bloomed across your chest at the thought.

Your fingers continued their mission to feel every speck of skin on Joel Miller as they traveled lower and lower, and no matter how many nights you had done this, felt as much of him as you could, Joel always stiffened up when you did. Always. And this time was no different.

You had found that words never seemed to help him shred himself of his insecurities, no matter how poetic the prayers that fell from your lips.

It's me, Joel, only me.

Please, don't hide from me, baby.

I love you. Let me know you.

Nothing. It was when your lips were used for other purposes that Joel's body began to meld into the mattress.

As your fingers traced every mole, mark from the sun, freckle, and scar, your lips pressed a kiss onto his chest, bicep, neck, and face, alternating between them all. He exhaled, finally letting go, as his eyes fluttered shut.

"I love you," he whispered, eyes still closed but lips parted in rhapsody, "I love you."

You didn't respond with your words, only another kiss.

His deep breaths filled the air as your fingers made their way down, down, down to his lower stomach. They made it to the two moles above his belly button, one of your favorite places to admire on him, but as they made their way further and further to his left side, the muscles on his abdomen began to tighten, and his breaths shallowed.

You removed your lips from his collarbone at the feeling. "Joel--"

"No," he whispered huskily, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he said, "Keep goin'."

You nodded, and he pressed kiss after kiss to your hairline as your fingertips went from soft skin to a long stretch of indented, deeply textured skin. It was wide, and rugged, and old. You felt over every inch of it, noting how it felt deeper towards the center, but more soft on the edges.

You propped yourself up slightly to look at it; its stretch across his abdomen, its darkened tone, and how it was slightly raised from the rest of his tanned skin.

It was the biggest scar you had ever seen on his body, and in your life.

"How have I--" you began, looking back at his solemn face, "--how have I never noticed this before?"

"I never let you," he responded, his tone full of both disappointment and relief, "never wanted you to see it."

You couldn't help the tears that lined your eyes as you asked, "What happened?"

And he told you. Every detail. How it felt when the pipe entered his body, how it felt pushed up against his organs, and how it felt coming out. He described everything from that point on as hazed and muffled, except for the look of fear in Ellie's dark eyes.

"That's what kept me walking," he said, wiping the tears from your cheekbones as he spoke quietly, "her eyes. Her need for my heart to keep beatin'."

He described the next few months as dream-like, like he never really knew when he was awake or not, unaware what was real or figments of his imagination.

"It was hell," he said, "but she stayed with me through it all, and she's the reason I'm alive."

You nodded, understanding that in order to keep himself sane, he had to focus on Ellie's role in it, not his own.

Still, you couldn't hold your tongue as you said, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He shook his head at your tears and kissed your forehead once again. "S'alright, got some of the best sleep of my life."

You laughed breathily into his chest as he held you close, once again running his hands up and down your naked back as he did. He exhaled deeply, like he had finally gotten a heavy weight off of his chest, and you pressed a kiss to the middle of his sternum.

But you weren't done yet.

"Wait," you whispered, "let go."

He did, and you laid him down flat on his back before leaning down on his middle and pressing a soft kiss to the scar. You traced it again, sketching designs of stars and infinity signs around it.

"I'm sorry you went through that," you whispered, and kissed it again, "but I'm glad you're here."

He kept eye contact with you as you did this, and although he'd never admit it, a slight mist lined his eyes. "Me too, baby. Me too."

You laid down on top of him, completely letting your body weight onto his, and tucked yourself into his neck once again. You always loved how well it fit there. His hands went up into your hair to massage your scalp, and you practically hummed.

"I don't mind bein' scarred," he said into your hair after a few beats of silence, "means I'm still survivin', and that means I'm still with you."

You smiled against him, and the unique silence of understanding between two people who know each other better than anyone else was the only thing that filled the room. These moments, this silence, was priceless.

"Besides," Joel said suddenly, carving through the silence huskily, "marks are good, means it meant something."

You nodded, murmuring a small "mhm" as you did. Your eyes were beginning to grow heavy, and the depth of his voice was only lulling you more.

"You've marked me, in a way," he said against your face, and your eyebrows came together in confusion.

"Yeah, not in a scar way though," he said, and brought your hand to his beating chest, "but just as permanent. More like in a...a bloodstain way--a good bloodstain--in here. You've marked my heart with it."

Your eyes met his own, and it didn't take you thirty seconds before you both started laughing in perfect symphony.

"A 'good bloodstain'," you said through your laughter, feeling a tear drip onto your face once more, "I never took you for a poet, Miller."

"Well, I ain't," he said in reply, his face beginning to flush, "that's why that was so terrible."

Through the both of your smiles you were still able to kiss him, whispering against his lips, "I know what you meant."

Because you did. You had marked each other, internally, in a way that could never be removed, and as you kissed him one last time before falling asleep wrapped in warmth and love, you couldn't help but agree with him.

Tag list: (if you'd like to be added please let me know!)

@leahkenobi @untitledarea @avengersfan25 @lexloon​ @aninnai @darling-murdock @daphne-turner @ellesvoid

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for Blocking a Guy After Giving Mixed Signals?

I (28M) reconnected with a dude I knew from high school and college (24M) last year through Snapchat. Someone we both knew from college told me that he really wanted to talk to me wanted to apologize for putting me through hell in college so I decided to friend him. I was never the best of friends with this guy and had issues with him in the past but when he started messaging and talking to me it seemed like he really wanted to make amends so I decided to give friendship a chance.

For some background information, I didn’t spend much time with him in high school. I hardly knew the guy, he seemed a little bit strange, but harmless. Sometimes we played basketball together. He said a couple of weird things that I didn’t realize the significance of the time.

I ran into him again back when we were in college. I thought it was slightly strange how we ended up ay the same one but dismissed it. At the time I just thought it was cool that someone from my high school was there and also attended the paranormal club. Then I found that he had undergone a huge personality change since I saw him last, and definitely for the worst.

He started spreading rumors about people in the group, turning them against each other because he thought it was funny. I lost a couple of my friends this way. Some of the rumors he spread about me in particular resulted in campuswide harassment. I also was briefly under investigation by campus security because he started a rumor that I sold dope (I don’t). He harassed me in other ways as well, calling me names, and knocking me over when I was on my bike. He also vandalized it by ripping the air tubes out of the tires. Of course, I wanted nothing more to do with the guy.

Flashback over, back to the present day. At this point, we have been talking for a few weeks when he revealed that he had feelings for me since high school and had apparently been trying to hit on me. I would have rejected the guy on the spot because even though I’m bi the age difference was too big. I was nearly 18, he was 14, hell no.

He told me that in college, he started the rumors to get my attention. He said he felt like there was no other way to get me to pay attention to him other than being a complete and total asshole. He also said that he intentionally ruined my reputation because he felt like I was so popular, he never would’ve gotten the chance to approach me otherwise. Never once have, I been a popular guy, I don’t know where he gets this bullshit. However, he apologized and sounded sincere at the time. I decided to try to forgive him.

He told me that he still had feelings for me. At the time I wasn’t really even considering relationships. However, considering that I’ve been through the ringer with people who have commitment issues, and this guy managed to maintain interest for practically a decade, I told him that I would think about it when he asked me on a date.

Then, however, he started acting really weird. When we did a video chat he started saying certain things that made me uncomfortable and kept on with it even after I told him to knock it off. Kept pestering me for nudes (I said no). Also kept calling me a girl (I’m a trans guy and commenting on how feminine my body was. He also said that if I didn’t go out with him, he’d make sure I paid for it later. That scared the shit out of me.

After that, I distanced myself from him. I no longer answered his calls or texts. Because I am not familiar with how Snapchat works, I did not block him, because I didn’t know how. However, I ignored his messages for months. I read them. Pretty messed up stuff. He told me that he would keep messaging me until I said yes.

Fast forward several months and I am in a healthy relationship with another trans guy. But then it occurs to me that the dude in the paragraph above would probably find a way to mess it up because that’s what he did with my friendships in college as well as anyone who showed romantic interest in me so we kept it very hush-hush. I decided to tie up loose ends today and tell him that I was Already in a relationship. He told me he didn’t care. He kept trying to push a friends with benefits thing. I told him no. He told me he wasn’t going to give up, no matter what I said, or did. At that point, I lost my temper and blocked him.

The reason I think I’m the asshole is because for a moment I did consider going out with him before he started acting creepy. I feel like I’m the asshole because by doing that, I technically lead him on and I should have told him right off the bat that his behavior was freaking me out, and I was no longer interested, but I chose to just disappear instead.

What are these acronyms?

[lunarriviera]

no one, literally no one:

so funny story, instead of doing work i was trawling the depths of a tumblr tag, as one does, and i began to uncover a vast conspiracy a bunch of thirst traps of 金世佳 jin shijia, so i investigated further.

yes, these are actually him and so here they are, because if i had to be exposed to all this selfie game so too do you. explanation of one of them to follow. trust me, you will want the explanation.

"that's not an actual poster for anything," you say. "definitely not in china," you say. "it's a manip!" you say. WELL THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO but it absolutely is not, it's from 2013 and it's an actual poster for a completely dreadful-looking series called 爱情公寓 iPartment (yes that is the translation) that ran for 5 seasons and over 100 episodes, with a couple of standalone movies attached.

look i do not judge, apparently after it became clear that jin shijia would never be an olympic swimmer he went to grad school in japan, and at one point was so poor that he had to choose between buying cigarettes or a bento box (he picked cigarettes). and then he came home to shanghai in 2009 and made—whatever this was. so, you wind up making a drama poster completely in the nude with a clothed man's hand on your ass. hey we've all been there. more fascinating facts about iPartment and/or its infamous poster: first of all netizens were shook:

The poster immediately caused a commotion on the Internet. Netizens reposted it frantically on Weibo, saying "Love Apartment 3 has unlimited sexual love and is becoming more and more trendy." Some netizens also found it difficult to accept this: "For a long time, Love Apartment has always followed a fresh and fresh approach, but suddenly it became so fragrant and heavy-flavored. I really couldn't accept it for a while." [mtl from the original]

it sure is fragrant alright. the director's defense? it's all about the brotherhood, man:

Director Wei Zheng responded: "This poster is just a kind of publicity for us. There is love, friendship, and brotherhood among the tenants in Love Apartment, and what this photo shows is brotherhood.”

[op having flashbacks to the supernatural fandom and jokes beginning "i don't know what you do with YOUR brothers, but"]

finally, the show apparently had several openly gay characters and it ran from 2009-2020 so that...sure is something. china, you make about as much sense as my mother and i love you the exact same way, excessively and with a lot of crying sometimes.

now i understand why jin shijia is so excited about under the skin on weibo all the time. compared to iPartment, under the skin is prestige fucking television. poor jianci tho. "i have to work with this guy. the naked poster guy. i'm an internationally famous singer and dancer, i've made wuxia, do i really need this role. for why am i doing this"

PS in case this random deep dive into jin shijia wasn't enough for you, he also had a cameo in captain america: civil war so let that sink in

[arcplaysgames]

so i finished the second palace

look i had a bad depression day, i pretty much did nothing but drink matcha and eat pepitas and play this fucking game for the entire day. i don't recommend any of this.

lets try to sum up lmao

the school actually hires a therapist, which is suspiciously proactive of them lmao. i love the girl whose like "his voice is hot" as a person who is a connoisseur of Hot Voices, he's Fine. Like... Logan Cunningham he is not. But he's fine?

He is also the Councillor Arcana, which is one I have to level for the extra content, so I am suspicious of him too.

He is also not above bribery to get people to come say hi, so clearly he is a wise man. The trio here are supposed to go see him, along with everyone who's had direct dealings with Kamoshida. No one is hyped for this, but he seems nice, so.

of course you are, and of course he wants Reverie to help. Every time i see Reverie, i think of that Jeff Winger bit, "Why do so many people flock to me? Is it my height?"

I do enjoy snacks is the thing. Also it's fascinating to me that they apparently added a character into this game who is just here to be a shrink for these kids. How fucked up is this game gonna get, lmao.

The Councillor isn't a standard of RWS or Thoth or TdM. I know, shocking, right? Apparently it's a pull from a Spanish deck, so I'm looking at that card. it replaces the Magician, so... that's interesting. The Magician is a fairly good teacher, albeit kind of a hubristic show-off about it. The original card is under the sun and has the infinity symbol above the head and holds an Ankh and a wand. So they're wielding the metaphorical key to life but also a wand of power.

So... working as a teacher to help people gain control of their lives. Yanno, like a therapist would.

ROLLS MY DANG EYES AT MYSELF. Anyway.

On the way to school, some dude starts following Ann which freaks her out.

I DIDN'T KNOW THIS GAME HAD MATT MERCER. finally some good fucking food.

This guy is Yusuke and he's an artist and wants Ann to model for him in hopes it'll inspire his next work. His manner of speech is fun, very serious but Dramatique and kind of annoyed at people who don't buy into the drama. An aesthete!

Also his teacher drives by, so he's the next target obviously. Never trust the dude in the car who shows up right after your next party member. He's a super famous artist, Madarame.

Also Yusuke introduces himself them steps forward, knocking Ryuji out of the way. Lmao.

To be clear: Ryuji has never done anything wrong ever. My dislike of him is completely unfair. But also: lmao.

At Madarame's art exhibit, Ann happens to be taken by a specific painting. Yusuke reacts really oddly to her interest in it and tries to steer her towards another.

So the gist of this one is: Madarame is this ascetic artist gentleman type who is infamous for using a very wide range of techniques and styles in his work. Wow such talent! Except obviously he's stealing the work of his many students and claiming it as his own.

The Phantom Thieves peg that Yusuke either knows about this or is a victim of it himself, as Madarame's only current pupil, so Ann has to take the modeling gig to get closer to him and discover the truth.

BUT ITS A NUDE MODELING GIG. GASP.

This whole bit just made me kind of nod along. (Which might be the Depression Day to be clear.) Like, the game isn't excessively horny about Ann having to get nude for art, but also Ann is so not interested in doing this shit, compounded by yo her literal origin story in this game is having to perform being this sexual object for Kamoshida, so this whole diversion was.... not as bad as it could be but also just felt so unnecessary.

yep ryuji that might be bad!

because this game is a coward. i would throw Reverie on that grenade in a fucking instant, both to protect Ann because putting her in this position Sucks, and also I bet it'd be very funny to play through Reverie doing it. Also, Reverie is pretty objectively hot, why shouldn't he be the model?

WHATEVER.

Also there is a funny bit where a kid hears meowing on the train and Reverie pretends that Morgana is a doll that makes noise when you touch its head, so of course "Time to button mash."

ALSO ALSO. The Warden Twins are Strength. LISTEN. CAN'T BE WORSE THAN "FELLOW ATHLETES."

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

A month plus ago, someone randomly slid into my dms claiming they knew me from primary school.

He finally said his name was danial K (oh boy, not another danial 😂). Funny enough, this was the last person i would think to ever try to connect with me? He was one of the popular ones back in school and i was surprised he knew me. we would sometimes see eachother in passing but we never acknowledged the other’s existence. So i was caught off guard he even recognised who i was. A little back story, him and his sister were well known in school because theyre half white in a sea of purely malay kids intrigued by the exoticness of an anomaly.

He told me he wanted to get to know me better and be friends? He was apparently very close to (probably seeing?) my bestfriend at the time so he mentioned that he knew me from her i think. Or observed? He said we looked tightknit (we fought often btw but she did give me a hamster) and he says if shes nice then i must be nice too. I dont know if hes trying to replicate what he had with my friend with me bc our conversations always somehow involved her. And i feel like one way for him to reconnect with her was through me? I lost contact with her agesss agoo, and shes off the grid. So i dont know how i felt about this whole thing.

Then as we got to chatting, the more wariness i felt about him being a douche lessened. He was notoriously known to be a player. He told me he peaked in primary and was bullied violently in secondary. He told me people made fun of him being short (i didnt know this) and name-called him saying he looked like megamind (this i knew). There were awful rumours about his sister too that she leaked her nudes (which apparently i bought in at the time and he said none of it was true). It wasnt just the name-calling, it was physical abuse too. I felt bad because of what he went through. he wasnt the type to fight back and hes super patient, which is admirable. It dispelled my initial perception of him and i really fed into the rumours. He really did peak in primary as he mentioned how much he enjoyed his time there (i hated primary). he also has broken English eventho his father's white.

so after all the conversations of good ol times in primary (of his). he started to text me every single day. he would ask me what I ate for lunch, breakfast, dinner and repeat; asked how work was and wished me good luck for work, repeat. now it was getting a little exhausting when conversations were like this. since he asked if we could be friends, and i said sure why not. but he was taking this label very seriously, like something he had to prove himself worthy of. he started calling me "bestie waina" and with every single breath. he always without fail, mentioned that I was his "bestie" and striving to become the "best bestie I ever had". He was becoming borderline obsessive about being my best friend. he refers to himself in third person;__; (ex: "danial is going to work", "danial misses my bestie waina") or "oh I love working offshore, you [sometimes he would also call me "you"]" + "i only think about 3 things when I'm away: myself, my family, and my bestie waina". he asked me once whats a green flag in a bf. so at this point i haven't expressed me being uncomfie bc I'm a ppl pleaser and an avoidant, so when he pulled that qn i was like oh this is my time to shine! so i told him "besties don't always text each other every time, only when they have something to say, they give space, and being bestfriends takes years :) " he reads my texts as soon as it was sent. no matter the time of the day, even at ungodly hours, hoping he wasnt gonna reply bc he was asleep - he still did! like girl............... but after that particular text, he opened it 16 hours after lol, and said he will tone it down. it didn't last. it took 5 days for him to resume his routine of asking me what I ate again.

it was getting out of hand because he said things like "where are you? what are you doing? i would teleport to where you are if I could" and it was just plain creepy. so I lied and I said I'm seeing someone I matched with on tinder. he replied "I support you my BFF waina" so I started to think, maybe he does only want to be friends. but then he pulls "thanks for telling me you're going out w a guy" and I was like huh?????? I didnt say it because I felt obligated but I said it so that he would back off. again, the male species fails to understand these things. But I knew it tipped him off, bc he replied over a day later. to add, he also said he wanted to save "kr8" (as in credit, yes he types like he's stuck in the early 20s) because the wifi wasnt stable so he's gonna log out and stay in touch in April (before knowing he was like this, I said yeah we could meet up :") ) so we stopped texting.

but it doesnt end thereeeeeeeeeeeee.

i told this ordeal to my cousin 2 weeks after who said I should block him. she convinced my avoidant ass by saying I don't owe him anything. I like the idea of running away from my problems, thinking it would solve itself so I did! at the time, ig didn't give me the option to "also block new accs they might create".

oh boy, two days later, he made two different ig accounts to text me...... . i knew it was him because one had a similar username as his old one. i immediately disabled my ig for 3 days bc I was so damn frightened.i only opened it back because everyone was telling me to communicate.

Both DMs from those two accs were sent at a 15 min intervals. one was a cryptic ominous "You". The other was a long text message about how he was upset and he didn't get why I did what I did (I felt bad of course, bc again I didn't say anything instead my people-pleasing ass was just going w the flow until it all became too much). then he started victimising himself, said things like he'll heal on his own, he will stay strong. he even gaslit me and said "he forgave me" lmao. he said he didn't see the point of ig anymore (the ig he used to contact me was a burner account. i was the only mutual) so he disabled all three accounts.

his final text was him giving out his phone number if i ever wanted to talk to him. so although all his accounts were disabled, i could still text these accounts from laptop (glitch). so i lied and said i had a bf (bc ya... i didn't want the blame all on me) and that this "bf" wasnt happy w me talking to other guys so i did what he told me. i told denial i was sorry repeatedly. that he deserved a meaningful friendship with someone else. because the guilt ate me alive. he's sent his phone no. before on 3 diff occasions btw. the first one, I told him I was uncomfortable w sharing. so in that final text to him, I made it clear that i was NOT gonna text him through whatsapp (that's just asking for it). i told him this already. then consumed by anger, i retorted saying that i mentioned friends give each other space, but he chose to ignore that. and also "please don't create any more new accounts to text me. it makes me feel unsafe." the end

[existentialflirt]

Head Canons Crowley

Just a small list to get them out there. Some devised with @v0litioncheck.

** Crowley does eat but very rarely. It falls under a fairly common theme in some of my head canons for him as "snake tendencies". He tends toward larger meals, after which he will take a lengthy nap. Usually around two days otherwise he's extremely cranky.

** In continuing with that theme, Crowley runs fairly cold. He greatly enjoys summer and may be found on top of high buildings in London basking in the sun (beaches are too crowded and people stare too much).

** Modern times (the 20th and 21th century) have been kind for Crowley, who really isn't too interested in doing his job. At least in the way Hell likes it done. He prefers a bit of chaos and bad vibes to murder and mayhem. Oh he'll inadvertently cause a death without too much of a twinge of guilt, but being directly involved just isn't his style. Anyway, humans do quite enough atrocities on their own, and all it takes is for a clever demon to keep abreast of the news and take the credit for inspiring the nastier bits.

** When Crowley was cast from heaven, his original name was stripped from him and he had to rename himself. Astonishingly, he was very bad at this. (Sorry, it never ceases to amaze me that in the same book/tv series we have a demon creative and with a powerful enough will to keep a burning car running to his destination yet calls himself Crawley and later changes it to Crowley which is barely more than an intonation change. That's just so funny to me. Definitely from Terry ahem.)

** A large portion of classical paintings and statues of Lucifer are actually modeled off Crowley, who did it all for a laugh after frequently being mistaken for him. Obviously he got in very big trouble down below when the big boss found out, but Lucifer let him off with a warning when Crowley explained how they sewed the seed of doubt and/or lust in the hearts of the devout (because you see, many paintings and statues of Lucifer, even ones in churches, are very sexy and very nude).

** While both demons and angels have the ability to shapeshift, there is some bureaucratic nonsense involved dependent on rank and severity of the change. When Aziraphale and Crowley posed as Brother Francis and Nanny Ashtoreth they were trying to fly under the radar of both Heaven and Hell and instead fashioned costumes (mostly Aziraphale's idea and design because he's dabbled in a bit of stagecraft). During that time, they co-habitate in a boathouse on the Dowlings' property aside from on days off, when they go to London to be themselves for awhile.

** After long consideration and a careful bit of picking through Christian study, secular, and woo (New Age) pages (not fun! I swear Google has gotten fucking worse when it comes to research), and having been given one last clue in a late episode in series two, I've settled on Crowley having been a Seraph before he fell. Most of this decision is to due to snake imagery used in how they're described and it's a pretty good reason why he's stupid powerful. Seraphs are the highest rank in the angelic hierarchy and depending on who you ask, Lucifer was a Seraph before he fell (other sources claim him as Cherub, so idek. Judeo-Christian mythology is a fucking mess). Also a very good theory about why Hell lets him fuck around and do whatever he pleases for the most part. He has been punished for doing too ostentatious acts of kindness, but apparently not so much that he is ever demoted out of temptations. Perhaps having been the snake to corrupt Eve is too big of a gold star in his file to truly justify a demotion. Or he's just such a massive, willful pain in the ass that no one likes to deal with him for much more than a decade or two.

** So...Crowley's human identity appears to be vaguely criminal and definitely dodgy hard bastard. Because all roads lead me to Hellblazer eventually, yes Crowley does know John Constantine and they DO NOT like each other. Generally the idea is that they're bullshit artists that can smell the shit on one another. However they do have an understanding not to fuck around in each other's business.

** Crowley is single handedly keeping several record shops open around London because sometimes he needs to listen to something other than Queen.

[rrelationshipadvice]

1/2 Husband & I are in our 30s and been together most of our adult lives. We are monogamous. We have talked a lot over the years about this sort of thing and have agreed that we both are monogamous. I think a lot of couples have the threesome, fwb, poly, etc kind of conversations and we have always agreed that we both prefer having a committed monogamous relationship. To me that and especially marriage means you are completely devoted to that person. They are your favorite person. You would choose them over everyone else. You are the most in love with/attracted to that person. They're your person! To me there's no point having a monogamous relationship without the devotion. Otherwise I could just be single and maybe have some fwb or something but I want (prefer) that whole you are the hottest most amazing person I love you more than anyone sort of thing. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic haha. I fell in love with someone that way and that's what I want from our relationship. I thought he did too. We have a good sex life for the most part. I don't think either of us have many complaints about the quality or frequency. So here's my issue I guess. I saw public posts he made about various porn stars and just women in general. I don't love it but I'm fine with him watching porn. Sometimes I do, not often but I have before. I don't really like it for a lot of reasons. But masturbation is great! I'm fine with him doing what he needs to do. He's fine with me doing what I need to do. But he knows the porn stars by name. I couldn't name anyone. I would never want to be able to especially while I'm in this kind of relationship. I can't imagine having a parasocial relationship with some OF dudes or porn stars like he does. He says he follows some of the OF girls on social media because they are funny shitposters and he doesn't even notice the porn they post. How am I supposed to believe that! He made the comments about some of these girls on social media. I don't know why he would want to post these comments publicly at all knowing I and others who know us could see them. Comments like hot, wow, so beautiful, amazing, I love her, she has a perfect body, I think I'm in love, she's so perfect, her face is so perfect/beautiful.

2/2 He adds/follows girls on social media who have OF and post thirst traps, nudes, or even just flirty text posts about how horny they are. Stuff like that. I believe people can post whatever they want (I'm not upset at these women) but I've made it clear I'm very uncomfortable with this. That this crosses a boundary for me. And I have always been very vocal about how I feel about this before we got together. I believe if you are in a committed monogamous relationship you should have a firm boundary between yourself and others when it comes to sex. Like I've seen people and thought hey that person is attractive but I don't interact with their horny posts or post publicly that I think they are hot. It is extremely disrespectful to me to do that to your partner. This isn't what monogamy means to everyone but it's what it means to me. And I have been very clear about that. And he says he agrees! But I don't know if I can believe he does. I would never talk about their body either especially not in a way that might make my husband feel inadequate or that I didn't prefer him or anything like that. He's liked things and interacted with posts not just about looks but also about behavior. Things I didn't realize he liked girls to do or ways for them to behave. When we're together, when we talk, he acts like he only is attracted to people who are like me both physically & personality-wise. He has never actually showed any attraction towards anyone with a similar body/personality to me, besides me. Not celebrities or anything. They are all more like the porn stars & only fans girls he apparently is attracted to. Not only do these girls have very different bodies, and faces, and hair colors, etc. than me but also personality/behaviors/interests are very different. I don't think I am anything like what his "type" is. I am finding it harder and harder to believe he really loves me and is actually attracted to me both physically and mentally/emotionally. He makes comments about me wearing certain things or changing how I look and I feel like it's because he wants me to be more like these women. I don't feel he loves me for me anymore. I think maybe at one time early on he did. Maybe not. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I know if the roles were reversed. If I was doing these things he wouldn't be able to stand it. And he's said as much! I believe some of the things he's done he would've left me over if I had done them. I don't know how he can hurt me in ways he knows would hurt him. I express how much this hurts me and he says sorry he won't do it again and then keeps doing it. I feel so lost. We've made our whole lives around each other and I like spending time with him. He's my best friend. We just have this one issue and I am having such a hard time moving past it or getting over it. I feel so hurt and lost. I don't know what to do. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?

.

[penname-artist]

*bangs beer glass on table* I want dusty head on Inx man give me somtignf new somtiggn I’ve never heard k?

(For the record I had to ask them what in the fuck "Dusty head on Inx" is because Inx is a character I own, and apparently that's a mistype of HEADCANONS so we are proceeding with that. Inx didn't want to be a part of this anyways lol)

Online, Dusty goes by a relatively, uhh, "humble" username...it's DustLegend07 lol

But lots of people assume it's something else like TheRealDustyCrophopper or something, which he did think about, but also, he made his username in his first year of racing and never changed it, so.

Idea based on a similar story from someone, Dusty has shared a nude on complete accident to his social media. Lesson learned, never photograph reflective surfaces while not wearing anything.

Dusty inherited his height (6'0") from his dad and his side of the family. His mom, by comparison, is 5'2" and tiny compared to him. (As an added bonus, Chase - his brother - is 6'1" so you can imagine how funny it is to see family photos where they're all a head taller than Tess)

It's very rare to see him in a legitimately angry state. He'll get pissy with inanimate objects and shit, but he's rarely ever truly enraged by something. The very few times he has been, folks gave him quite a bit of space.

He still has a couple of stuffed animals from his childhood, and many that were sent by fans. A lot of them are on shelves, but some of them stay in his bed.

I doubt anyone will remember this old old OLD old headcanon, but: Dusty still has a pin from an air racing event that he got as a kid, and surprisingly enough (though he didn't know it at that time) that was the same race that Skipper attended as well. Small world.

[cuntyko]

the mark thing lol it keeps me up laughing, cause…. just ugh i have to just break it down

going to this tech school there was kinda like what i would call a scandal of the year. Like a lot of things would go down over like long stretch of the school year and it was the only thing that kept alot of us going. however when shit got real it really went there to a point where it was on a higher echelon of fuck shit so…sophomore year, surprise! surprise! in the middle of all the chaos of that year out of no where i start hearing whispers from my friends a grade above me and you could just tell like something was fr going on.

there was this kid apparently called mark and he was like friends with like all the popular juniors and shit they would hang at his house blazee blazeee so he starts like flexing that he has a camera in his bathroom at his house and like he had all these videos of people in his bathroom. it becomes a thing cause wtf right?!? talk about invasive n like girls would go to this kids house like it was weird. anyways admin caught wind hearing all the chatter and they suspended this kid for mind you illegally filming minors nude…. and it kinda becomes this whole inside joke everyone’s in on yk how he did that and basically got a a slap on the wrist. so we had this gc we were fucking around in on sc and the guys started sending videos in the bathroom pretending to not see the camera and turning to it like “marrrkkk wtf” . naturally it escalates and it just kinda became the joke of the week. and then the boys decide that it would be so funny if they were going to go to the bathroom at lunch and like all do a “wtf mark” video so like 40 of them pile up into all of the stalls you know start a little riot and sent it to the chat. thinking nothing of it they didn’t get caught right there and we all thought it was sooooo funny. it was good laughs in the chat for a couple more days until all FUCKING HELL BREAKS LOOSE

now mark finds out about it, honestly you can never trust anyone in vegas to keep their mouth shut. so this mark kid starts to play dirty and he claims that he’s being bullied. mind you some of these guys are like the actual people violated from the shit he did. but i guess that didn’t matter. but it was so dramatic it was like dooms day. to be frank there was also another situation involving one of our friends at the same time, it was hectic.

so one by one all these guys get called up to the dean and again it was like 40-50 people in that video… but one by one they all got caught up after a while we caught onto what was happening and checked the group chat. the guys were all getting rpced basically suspended for supposedly bullying. everyone was like oh they can’t get all of us they can’t get all of us there were so many of us… NOPE all of em. clocked by the end of the day a few of them almost made it out and i mean like 1:15 got called up there 10 min before the bell. but it wasn’t over see some of these kids that got caught up in this shit were rich, and some were rich jews (we deadass called them the jews cause they were all in JSU) , with connections. it quickly turned into a lawsuit over the schools head for the mishandling of child porn allegations because mind you that kid only got suspended and got to come back to school. while all these kids get in trouble for “bullying” him. long story short he got expelled and registered as a sex offender. while all the boys got off free it was so stupid they were fr acting like they were getting locked up like. now that i think about it they were so eyeroll but yea ig being accused of bullying is kinda damning whateverrrrr, but they were being facely accused… so i’ll give it to them but lmao they fr were acting like they were on house arrest.

[topsyturvy-turtely]

OTP challenge - day 11

[link to day 10]

[i am sorry i don't update regularly my life is being weird and mean to me]

11. drawing each other

The instant the tall athletic man with his dark, curly hair and piercing eyes walked in, John was reminded of his very first childhood crush.

“Mommy, Mommy!“, five year old John Watson yelled through the small apartment he lived in with his mom and sister. He had never been so excited to show his mom a drawing!

“I’m here, Johnny, sweetie!“, his mom called from the kitchen, currently doing the dishes.

“Look what I drew!“, John held his picture out to his mother. The blonde woman (the most beautiful woman in the world, if you asked little Johnny) dried her hands, and took the picture from her son.

In the picture there was a little circle, with a smaller circle on top of it and it had a smiley face in the smaller one, half-hearted limps were sticking out from the bigger circle. With his little hands John had written his name above. But the figure next to it caught her eyes: It was about the size as the drawn John, but her son had definitely put more effort into that second person. They had long legs, a green dress-like top and green trousers on with sliver sparkles on them. Their ears were very pointy and one eye was green and the other was blue. They also had brown curly hair, a tiny smile and wings. The wings were in every color little John Watson owned.

“Oh, this looks lovely, Johnny! Who is that fairy?“

“He goes to Playgroup with me! He is very shy and plays alone but I think he is the prettiest boy in the world!“

John had picked only his best pencils and prettiest colors for this fairy. He wasn’t sure if the fairy-boy’s eyes were blue or green so he had just decided to draw them with both colors. John has never been so proud of a picture.

John didn’t know why the artist walking in now made him think of this little childhood crush. But he was now standing there and found himself incapable of taking his eyes off him.

The instructor clapped their hands: “Alright, here we go. Welcome to this nude drawing course. My name is Jules and my pronouns are they/them. This is our model John and he goes by he/him. Before we start with the fun part I’ll introduce you to the basics and I would like to hear your names and pronouns, please. Go ahead!“ Jules pointed at the person closest to him and the artists introduced themselves shortly.

Meanwhile John’s thoughts drifted off. He couldn’t quite believe he was standing there in only his robe and was about to take it off to be stared at intensely and drawn by a dozen people. Naked. This was crazy! But after the war he was struggling finding a job and keeping himself above the water financially. Finally he had met Mike Stamford at a park who had suggested to be a nude model at this course. They paid very well, John wasn’t shy of his body, and after a few days of pondering he had finally thought sod it and signed up for the job.

“The name is Sherlock Holmes and my pronouns are he/him.“, a deep baritone voice pulled him out of his thoughts. It was the curly haired man. Sherlock Holmes… what a funny name. John caught himself staring at the artist for a bit too long. Sherlock apparently had noticed and they locked eyes for a second. Quickly John looked away. God, these eyes…

"John, would you get in position, please?“

"Uh, yeah! Sure. No problem“, trying not to waste too many thoughts about it, John ridded himself of his robe and stood in front of the group of artists and positioned himself in the contrapposto pose. (John had learned that term from Jules. He had met them earlier to go through a few basics before the course started. Jules made a very easy going and sympathetic impression to John. The contrapposto is a position where most of your weight is on one leg and the body is – according to Jules - a 'symphony of movement and stillness‘ or something. David by Michelangelo is standing in the same position…)

“John, could you turn your head to the side, please?”, Jules asked him now. John did as told and- damnit! Was staring directly at Holmes’ face. Said man seemed unbothered by that and let his eyes wander over John’s body. John was not a shy man, he was in fact quite confident in his body. His army years had given him strength and muscles, but something about being observed like that by… Sherlock? (that was his name right?) suddenly made him feel slightly self-conscious. Has this nude-model job really been a good idea? But John needed the money so he focused his eyes at a point above Holmes and tried his best to not move.

Jules in the meanwhile walked around with their hands at their backs and stopped by at every artists little place and gave tips. When they arrived at Sherlock’s Jules was obviously already impressed by the sketch. They started pointing at the drawing and gesturing while giving the young man advice on how to improve his skills. Sherlock didn’t seem too convinced and just nodded every once in a while. John had tried to listen into the conversation but had only understood frictions of it. He stared at Sherlock’s face, whose mouth was a tight line and at the frown on his forehead. Jules just pointed at John and- smirked. It was just a little moment but John was sure Jules had picked up on John’s intense gaze on Sherlock. And other than the rest of these people in this room, John couldn’t claim he was just studying his model. Sherlock must have picked up on the shift in the atmosphere and looked up from his drawing at John and then Jules. He didn’t show any expression however and started drawing again.

After 45 minutes of standing Jules finally said. “Alright, break time. Get up move a bit and don’t forget to hydrate! John you can move now.”

John was released to finally be able to move again. He grabbed his robe and started balancing his weight from one foot onto the other. After a minute of walking around he decided to sit down for the rest of the break. Once again his eyes landed on Sherlock again. “Hmm, he is a pretty one, isn’t he?”, John suddenly heard a voice behind him. It was Jules.

John was taken back a bit: “Uh- I… yeah, I guess he is.”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t say no if you asked him out, you know.”

“What? No! I wasn’t- no.”, John tried to deny.

“Oh, come on! I saw you couldn’t get your eyes off him. And you don’t have anything to hide, if you ask me.”, Jules gave him a meaningful look and John blushed.

“I- well… thanks… I guess.”

“Ask him after class. The break is over now.”, Jules said and turned to the artists in the room. “Alright, ladies, gentlemen and other beautiful humans. Back to work, please!”

In the second half of the art course John tried really hard to build up his confidence to ask Sherlock if he wanted to go out on a date. He avoided the man’s eyes and face and whole being in general. Fact was, he had no idea if Sherlock was even an LGBTQ+ member and it would definitely be awkward if Sherlock told him he was in a monogamous straight relationship. And maybe he wasn’t even romantically interested in anyone..?

John had known he was bisexual for a very long time. Even though he was so little back when he had that first childhood crush he had already dreamed of marrying this boy, living in a big house with at least three kids. John smiled a bit. He always has been a romantic. His next crush he had only in middle school. It was a girl. They even went out for a bit but it stopped after a week or something. Romances at that age were something weird… then he had a crush on a boy in high school but never made a move because he was sure the boy was straight. He ended up with another girl then. But then he had joined the army and they had soon given up on that relationship. He had really liked Sholto in the army but… well… With a shake of his head John’s mind focused on the present again and almost laughed out nervously as Sherlock obviously studied his groin area. That was not helping at all…

When Jules finally called the end of the lesson, John was extremely relieved. He quickly disappeared into the men’s restroom and put his clothes on. He half expected all the artists to be gone when he came back to grab his stuff. But when he came into the art gallery he saw Jules and Sherlock still looking at Sherlock’s sketch. Jules was talking insistently to Sherlock, who seemed very ready to leave. John had the suspicion that Jules had only bothered Sherlock so he would still be there when John came back.

Jules noticed John was back, clapped their hands and smiled at Sherlock: “I am sure you will learn quickly. That sketch his great! Good work so far!” They got up and started gathering their stuff. John’s curiosity piqued and he walked closer to Sherlock: “May I see it?”, he asked in what he hoped a casual tone.

“See what?”

“Your sketch, uh… if you’re okay with it.” Sherlock stared at John for a second then shrugged and started putting away his pencils.

“Sure, go ahead.”

John walked around to see what Sherlock had drawn. And was swept off his feet. It was not finished yet, but it was absolutely… fantastic!

Sherlock raised his eyebrows and Jules chuckled in the background. “You do realize you said that out loud?”, Sherlock said.

“I- uh sorry. It just- really… is.”

John looked great in this sketch, he had broad shoulders, a defined body, a serious face. “I look… handsome." More handsome, than he thought he was. How was that possible? This was just a sketch! Pencil on paper!

“Obviously.”, Sherlock said, his face still serious, but when he looked up at John a corner of his mouth rose into a half smirk.

John raised his eyebrows, then he cleared his throat. “Would you- would you like to go out for dinner?”

Sherlock smiled, packed the rest of his stuff and put his coat on. “Close to my place there is a good Chinese, stays open til 2:00…”

“Alright. Great. Uh- let’s go then.”, John chuckled almost not believing this was happening. He didn’t miss the wink Jules gave him when they left. Somehow John was sure, Sherlock had seen it too. This art course ought to be interesting for the both of them after all.

---

Haha that was a fun one but at the same time I hope it is not too cringeworthy.... Maybe I'll write this from Sherlocks POV too some day! Thanks for reading my loves! <3

Tagging list :) (tell me if you want to be added/removed) @catlock-holmes @helloliriels @justanobsessedpan @boredsushi @fluffbyday-smutbynight @inevitably-johnlocked @hisfavouritejumper @rhasima @forfucksakejohn @ohlooktheresabee @turbulenttrouble @7arantellgrrl @ssmeowl123 @so-youre-unattached-like-me @totallysilvergirl @peanitbear @train-mossman @loki-lock @smulderscobie @timberva @grace-in-the-wilderness @chinike @pansherlock @the-smol-bean-libby-blog @jawnn-watson @whatnext2020 @escapingthereality @missdeliadili @kettykika78 @musingsofmyown @7-percent @speedymoviesbyscience @astudyin221b @toobluebrunette

[eolewyn1010]

"Liebeswirren", Franz Leitmayr, and (dis)continuities in his queer representation

So. *cracks knuckles* I've been rewatching the ever so problematic (and in some ways plain terrible) "Liebeswirren" with @cha0ticpartners-incrime who contributed about half the thoughts in here, and what better excuse could I get to talk at length about my favorite Kommissare and what gay dumbasses they are? Main focus on Franz, but of course Ivo plays a part in this.

First things first, I'm obviously talking headcanons here. Not like BR will canonically confirm our grumpy old men as queer because they are cowards, but this is Tatort, baby; we don't watch it for canon or plot. I read these episodes in whichever way I please. And now buckle up, this is a long one.

The thing about Franz is that he's a rather ambivalent character when it comes to his handling of queerness. On several episodes, I'd argue for him being one of the most respectful and open-minded guys Tatort has around - note how "Die Liebe, ein seltsames Spiel" establishes him as fully accepting of polyamory provided it's honest on all sides, "Um jeden Preis" (about a year after "Liebeswirren") has him getting annoyed at a journalist because she's trying to get a juicy scandal out of the victim of the week being gay, one of his witnesses in "Der Wüstensohn" being quite a flamboyant dude in high heels and make-up does nothing to deter Franz from taking him seriously as a witness who needs protection or as a devout Muslim.

However, that doesn't turn off some cringy moments during the 1990s and early 2000s. "Liebeswirren" builds on those. And Franz is never more stuck-up than when it comes to himself.

Although that's not consistent either. "Liebe, Sex, Tod" has him laugh in embarrassment at the question whether he and Ivo are an item and quickly deny it, whereas in "Wenn Frauen Austern essen", he shrugs off pretty much the same insinuation while Ivo gets pissy at what amounts to gay fanfic about them. More recent episodes occasionally hint at Franz having been more than an ally when he was younger, having been what could be called shamelessly queer. There is "Die ewige Welle", an otherwise pretty bad episode that nonetheless gave us young Franz in a threeway relationship. I know they tried to argue themselves out of this one with his "I wanted her for myself, actually", but that doesn't do much when the flashbacks show him kissing the other dude in that relationship on the mouth and cuddling with him in the nude. Doesn't quite go with "there was no romantic / sexual interest between our Very Straight Kommissar and another man ever". Try again, BR. (Or maybe don't.) And then in the most recent, "Flash", Franz is gushing about that club he used to go to, what with "all those guys and gals, dancing and smooching and sweating, skin on skin". Okay, that's a bit less on the nose than the polycule, but he also doesn't bother to differentiate whom exactly he was dancing and canoodling with there. Guys, gals, whoever. All of them sweaty and horny and gorgeous. Right on.

But sometime between then and now, "Liebeswirren" rolled around. *sigh* This episode is not BR's best look on queer representation altogether, and certainly not the best look for our Kommissare. It's wild; Ivo has manliness complexes, there's all those weird innuendos and oversexualization of queer characters sprinkled in and the word "normal" is used as if it's the opposite to "gay", our two idiots go dancing, police is called out on being queerphobic, and Franz is all "ew, don't touch me with The Gay Stuff". So how does this fit into canon?

I think it's important to look at how the episode starts, because it starts with Ivo's complexes and insecurities. Because apparently, if he couldn't get it up with a woman that one time, that means he's gay or something; I dunno, he's kind of a dumbass about this, and I appreciate the lady in question calling him out on that overcompensation thing he has going on. Also, there are sausages, and it's kind of funny in how over-the-top it is because Ivo is in his fricking mid-fifties at this point and it's hard to believe he's never had less-than-fantastic sex before. Now, Franz in the beginning of the episode? Cheerily introduces Ivo as "my better half", he's even quite touchy-feely with him early on - and then has to witness Ivo put a distance between them ASAP. Bummer. (Especially when Franz notices the awkward ONS vibes between Ivo and the lady co-worker and goes on his usual jealous bitching spree.)

What changes Ivo's attitude is not talking to Franz, and I get why. Franz is not only very insensitive and blunt this time around; he's also kind of a bitch, making remarks to his out gay colleague, and when the latter is not amused, Franz goes: "What, can't I make a joke now?" No, you can't, if the joke insults someone. You can do that with Ivo, probably; you two tick that way. But other than that, we have a situation in which Franz, very much openly queer in the past and in a relationship with Ivo, is casually cruel to an out gay co-worker. Which is a bit out of line for his usual Franz Leitmayr bitchy remarks. This job really ain't any good for his behavior, nor for Ivo's. And the job is important in this context; Franz calls Ivo out on being "unprofessional" about his investigations because, in case Ivo forgot, they're on the job there, not out for a date night.

It isn't any job. It's police. Bavarian police, which could make it worse, and both the out gay colleague and the dude who quit police because he couldn't stand the discrimination make note of the queerphobia and toxic masculinity abound in that job to this very day. And Franz refuses to acknowledge this and goes into a shouting match with the former police officer about it - while he himself perpetuates queerphobic microaggression on the job. Duuuude. That's bad. That's a really toxic work environment for two guys who've been queer for ages, but in Ivo's case possibly have never been out in the first place and in Franz' case seem to have gone under the radar at some point, probably when he entered higher service, because the last time we know he was casual and uncaring about it, he was a lot younger. Or, in case of "Wenn Frauen Austern essen", never had to fear that ~rumours~ would reach the people he's working with. He gets back there over time; I think we never see him do the "was just a joke, jeez" thing again after this episode, but he has a massive stick up his arse in this one, and it feels like he might have taken his closet concept too far. This also shows up when Ivo asks him to be a little discreet and Franz just flat-out calls bullshit, refusing to give people involved in their case the same caution and respect for privacy that he demands and needs for himself and, in extension, for Ivo. And now I wanna write fanfic where they talk out this hypocrisy. Moving on.

That's not to mean he's wrong, or that Ivo is right all the time. Ivo still enters a queer space that should be a safe space in his function as a police inspector, without giving his ID first. He knows it wouldn't go over well if he were upfront about his job from the get-go - and it doesn't; his new acquaintance and marginal witness is pissed when he learns. Rightfully so; queer people outside of the police don't have a happy history with the police either. Which Ivo should know. So I can't even pat him on the shoulder because he's being hypocritical about his discreetness thing, too.

It should be noted that Ivo gets over his idiotic manliness business when he starts hanging out with the mentioned marginal witness, a young gay man who also keeps flirting with him, albeit not in earnest. The character is built on the most blown-up prissy twink stereotype, and I'm not happy with how the episode presents either him or his relationship with his boyfriend, but it is interesting how they are set up as contrast foils for Ivo and Franz. The old generation and the young; the more subdued, used-to-being-discreet husbands and the millennial couple who have faintly heard of the concept of a closet and went "no thanks". After that acquaintance, Ivo starts behaving differently about the matter. He goes into a gay club, he drags a grumpy and protesting Franz along and dances with him (for cover purposes only *cough*), he even makes a move to kiss him, out there in the open, visible to everyone around. He relentlessly teases Franz, going "what, would you love me any less if I were gay instead of bi?"

And that's when Franz pulls back. He gets very eyeroll-y on that last bit; duh, of course he'd love Ivo all the same, but he's obviously uncomfortable there, he doesn't wanna dance (or smooch), and he doesn't wanna end up as a punching bag for his colleagues, thank you very much, so if they could just hold onto their well-worn routine, please? This isn't Franz' midlife crisis; it's Ivo's, and Franz is taking some serious whiplash along the way of Ivo doing a full 180 on how he feels about being out and proud. They are past their chaotic youngster years; it's been quite a while since Franz was the careless lanky twink with a girlfriend on one hand and a boyfriend on the other, who went a-smooching through the club, dancing away the night. And now Ivo starts trying exactly that? Please. Franz can't keep up right now. His police closet is comfortable, thank you very much, or at least safe for him.

And then it was a young gay man who triggered that change, a flirty one, too. Have I mentioned that Franz Leitmayr is a jealous bitch? He might have liked it if Ivo had chosen to be more open for them, if Franz himself had been the reason for Ivo to come out of his shell instead of the random young male admirer Ivo tends to attract every now and then. Franz can be a little nasty that way, and Ivo is at some point just so done with Franz' behavior that he fuels it out of sheer spite. Imagine the ensuing shouting match if they hadn't been on the job that night.

Last but not least - as per usual agreement, nothing that occurs in this episode actually damages their relationship long-term. Franz thinks Ivo's behavior is unacceptable, yet he keeps protecting him. Ivo distances himself from Franz for a while, but when his suspect talks about his boyfriend, saying "he wasn't just some lover to me", Ivo gets kinda quiet and ruminative, and then tries to talk to Franz about their handling of the case. There are all the looks(TM) they give each other, in the club scenes especially (and the look their gay colleague gives them when he witnesses their argument; he's all "ooookaaaaay" - it's hilarious; they think they are so subtle). And there's Franz getting hit on in the club and promptly turning the other dude down saying: "I'm already spoken for." For that massive stick, he'll stand by his relationship with Ivo when it comes down to it.

[wienerbarnes]

A Certain Romance (1/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,513

Warnings: fake dating au, mention to past abusive relationship

A/N: im so EXCITED to start posting this series lmk what yall think!!!

MAIN MASTERLIST | A CERTAIN ROMANCE MASTERLIST

He couldn’t quite think of a word to describe the restaurant.

The deep tones of maroon on the walls contrasting against the clean, stark-white tablecloths, tablecloths that have been so deeply washed, soaked in bleach and radiating chemical residue beneath plates of fancy and over-priced dishes for people who have too much money than they know what do with.

Ratatouille is the special for tonight, priced at $32. Side dishes extra, of course.

The overly simple decor on the walls with lighting so dim you’d think they forgot to pay the electric bill, all in the name of minimalism and an art form you just wouldn’t understand.

Bucky has news for them, though. Minimalism won’t get rid of their depression and anxiety, and a $30 plate of vegetables won’t bring you happiness.

His collar feels tight around his neck, even though the first two buttons on his shirt are undone. The longer he stands around waiting for Sam, the more ridiculous he feels. He’s sweating suddenly, and all he wants to do is leave, go back to his apartment, to Alpine, and take off this stupid monkey suit of an outfit.

Where r u?

Should be sitting pretty at a table already. Wearing a cute lil red dress. maybe blue, not sure.

“Son of a bitch,” Bucky mumbles under his breath after reading Sam’s text.

It’s Bucky’s fault at this point. Not only is this not the first time Sam has done this to him, set him up on a blind date and tell him it's him he’s meeting and not a girl, but it’s not the second either. Sam has done this three times, and this is going to be the fourth. How do you let this happen to you four times?

It’s not a surprise either when the date goes horribly all three times, either. The girls are always nice and always beautiful, but Bucky’s in such a sour mood by the time he reaches the table that it’s a failure from the start.

That’s a good word to describe the restaurant. Sour.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for a table under Sam. Or maybe Bucky.” He approaches the hostess, praying that whoever Sam has set him up with isn’t here and that they stood him up.

“Ah, yes, your date has been waiting.” She tells him, and he tries not to roll his eyes.

The walk through the restaurant to the table makes him feel more ridiculous than when he was waiting. He feels all eyes on him and it makes his skin crawl, even though when he glances around, everyone has their eyes on their own date; their date that probably wasn’t sprung up on them by a man who dresses up like a bird for a living.

Careful not to trip over his own feet in the dark room, the only lights being small bulbs on a thin string from the high ceiling, he sees a table that’s probably for him.

The only table with one person sitting alone, he spots you looking down at your phone with a slight frown on your face. Sam was right on his first guess, you’re wearing a deep red dress, thin straps over your shoulders and he can see through underneath the table that it flows down to your calf. Nude heels adorn your feet as they are crossed at the ankle, and he can’t help but feel a little bad.

Just because he thinks minimalism and expensive meals are stupid doesn’t mean that other people don’t enjoy them.

“Hi, uh, sorry I’m a little late.” He greets as he takes his seat.

You look up from your phone and give him a closed-lip smile, an unspoken way of saying it’s alright, but he’s seen that tight smile on too many girls before to know that, no, it’s not really alright.

“I’m Bucky, what’s your name?” He asks, hoping that the sooner he starts the conversation, the sooner he can get the fuck out of here. Respectfully.

As far as introductions go, this has definitely been the most awkward. Neither of you know what to say. Not that he’s about to go around giving Sam advice about setting him up with people, because he certainly wouldn’t want Sam to take that as him asking him to try again, but he couldn’t have set him up with someone worse.

It’s painfully awkward, and he feels himself sweating again, blushing from slight embarrassment at this disaster of a date.

The waiter hasn’t even brought out the bread yet.

He can’t do this.

“Listen,” He begins after a few minutes of silence and the two of them awkwardly glancing around the room, as though the avant-garde art pieces are the most interesting thing either of them have ever seen.

“I’m sorry if I don’t seem like I want to be here, it’s because I don’t. And it’s got nothing to do with you, it’s just that Sam told me I was meeting him here because he thinks he knows best when it comes to setting me up on dates even though I’ve told him countless times that -”

He stops when he realizes you’re laughing. Giggles escaping from behind your manicured hand that’s attempting to cover your mouth, he can’t believe you’re laughing at him. As if the date couldn’t get worse.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt you.” You tell him, the most you’ve spoken the entire night, only really telling him your name and a few one-word answers a while ago.

“It’s just that I don’t want to be here, either. And Sam also told me I was meeting him here, not a date. And I thought that was funny.”

That bastard, Bucky thinks. But he appreciates that it’s the situation you find funny, and not him. He’s never had a date laugh at him before, and as tough as he is, he can’t lie and say it wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

He opens his mouth to say something but another man in an equally ridiculous monkey suit such as his own approaches the table, a basket of bread in hand.

He can’t help but notice how small the breads are and the fact that the butter is individually wrapped in those small tinfoils - not even The Cheesecake Factory does that, they bring butter in a tiny dish - but he doesn’t say anything.

At least now he has something to do with his hands.

The two of you both pick at the bread in your hands, and while the tension is somewhat eased at the table with the confession that neither of you want to be there, it’s still silent and awkward, as neither of you have spoken again.

Bucky doesn’t know what causes him to say it, maybe it's the obligation he feels to keep the conversation going and fill the silence, maybe his mind just insists on making the evening worse, because apparently that’s possible.

“My best friend died. Recently. And Sam’s been setting me up on these dumb dates to take my mind off it.” He says, and he sees out of the corner of his eye your hands pause around the bread and your head lifts slightly to look at him, though he doesn’t do the same.

“Sam was a little better about it at first, using distracting me as a way to distract himself while we both grieve. But he’s got the whole Captain America thing, helping his sister, working with Torres; he got over it a little quicker than I did and… expected me to get over it, too.”

He’s afraid to meet your eyes. He’s not sure why he just told you that, or why he felt like he owed you an explanation in the first place. He doesn’t even know you! What does he care if the date is awkward? He could leave now and never see you again and not feel bad about, and yet he sits here, sacrificing his own comfort in order to attempt to salvage the evening by being honest? Is honesty even what you want?

“My boyfriend beat the shit out of me. If we’re sharing tragic backstories, I mean.” You reply, looking down at your own bread now that Bucky’s head has snapped up to look at you, a humorless smile on your face.

“Had to move states, change my name, the whole nine yards. And while I wasn’t grieving a best friend, I was grieving… myself. My old life. And Sam doesn’t just distract himself by setting you up on dates, he’s been doing that with me, too. And, so, I kind of get what you mean, when you say that other people get over it and expect you to be okay, too.”

Another pause of silence, but the awkwardness is gone now.

“How many times have you heard the phrase, The grieving process is not -”

“Linear? Too many times. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I’d probably have enough money to afford a plate at this place.” You finish for him, a disgusted look on your face. Almost the same look he had on his face when he entered the restaurant.

He laughs, though. The first time he’s laughed tonight.

“Are you two ready to order?” The waiter interrupts again, small booklet in hand, and thick French accent in the air. Of course, the waiters here are French, how is he even surprised?

“Do you mind if we have a few more minutes with the menu?” Bucky replies, not receiving much of an answer as the waiter looks him up and down, gives him a curt nod, and leaves the table once more.

“Listen, I don’t know about you, but this place looks like… I don’t even know, but it just looks sad, and I know a pretty good pizza place a few blocks away. If you don’t mind walking. Or continuing this date as friends?” He squints as he finishes his question, hoping you won’t take it as him playing hard to get, and actually want to be friends and absolutely nothing more.

“You had me at pizza.”

With the bread from the restaurant in hand and his jacket around your shivering shoulders, the two of you make your way down the sidewalk, stomachs rumbling at the thought of cheap, greasy, slices of pizza.

Sitting among people in their pajamas and otherwise casual clothing, it’s safe to say the two of you are the best-dressed people in the joint. Bucky tells you this and you laugh again, agreeing. Slice after slice goes down easily, much easier than any plate at that stupid clownhouse of a restaurant.

The conversation is easier, too. It’s almost like it was so bad before because of the suffocating atmosphere of the restaurant, The Fork, a stupid name for a stupid place.

What was that word he said before? Oh, yeah. The restaurant was sour. The pizza place, though, run by two older, heavier men with ungroomed mustaches and dark pit stains, is much less sour.

“I surprisingly had a good time tonight. I’m really glad we both came to an understanding of not wanting to date due to our individual unresolved trauma and issues, that we should probably be in therapy for.” You tell him, after thanking him for paying the six dollars both your copious amounts of pizza slices cost.

“I did, too. I’m just glad we didn’t have to stay at that dumb restaurant, I mean what was Sam even thinking with that place?” He rubs his fingers over his eyes in lasting disbelief. He’ll never let Sam live that place down.

“Speaking of Sam,” You start, stepping out of the pizza place as Bucky holds the door open for you, “Would you mind telling him that the date went well?”

“I mean, technically it did, didn’t it?”

“It did. But if we tell him that we left with a newfound friendship rather than sore legs and sex hair, he’s just going to keep setting us up on more shitty dates. I mean he’s great, but he does a better job at being Captain America than he does at being Cupid.”

“Agreed. He’ll just keep setting us up with people until we end up dating one of his picks, regardless of friendships made along the way. He’s too competitive, he doesn’t see friendship as a success, only a boyfriend or girlfriend.” Bucky admits.

“So… if he asks, we’ll just say we’re going to go on another date? And then whenever we hang out, we’ll just -”

“Be extremely and explicitly clear about it to him.” Bucky finishes.

They smile at each other satisfied, satisfied knowing they’re finally going to outsmart the bird man, they’re finally going to be done with shitty, last-minute blind dates that they never wanted to go on in the first place.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“Oh, no, my friend’s on her way to get me now.”

“I’ll wait with you then.”

Cheesy flirting ensues as the two of you joke about fake dating, competing to see who can think of the worst pick up line. Bucky feels a bit embarrassed that he probably would’ve used a few of these a few decades ago when he was a fresh, young man, but he doesn’t dare mention that to you. No need to give you more ammunition to use against him, and especially no need to risk you mentioning it to Sam.

Your least favorite, and evidently his favorite, is If happiness starts with “H,” why does mine start with “U”?

He laughs as you dramatically gag on the sidewalk, almost not noticing the car pulling up to the two of you.

“This is me. Oh, here’s your jacket by the way.” You move to take it off from atop your shoulders but he stops you.

“Hold onto it for me. And also, mention to Sam that you’re holding onto it for me.” He winks.

“Will do. Boyfriend.”

“Drive safe. Girlfriend.” He opens the passenger door for you, greeting your friend briefly, and offering a hand out to help you sit inside, closing the door after you’ve clicked your seatbelt.

He watches the rear lights grow smaller and smaller as you disappear down the street, and he begins walking back to where you two came from. His bike is still parked at the restaurant, after all.

That was probably the best date - not a date, friend date - he’s ever been on, and by far Sam’s greatest success yet, even if it’s not the romantic relationship he probably intended.

It was nice to talk to someone without the pressures of impressing them, the intrusive thoughts questioning their deeper motives or what it is exactly they want out of a date with him. He tried engaging in the whole hookup-one-night-stand culture once, and didn’t like it at all.

Not to mention, he’ll never have to go on one of Sam’s set-up dates again! And he didn’t even need to get a girlfriend to do so!

The night couldn’t have ended better, and he can’t wait to tell Sam all about it.

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Touch it for Real, Part 4

Genre: Humor / Fluff / Eventual Smut

Warnings: OMG they were roommates / slice of life / slow burn / mutual pining / crude humor / cursing / virgin!baek / idiots to lovers

A/N: The song featured in the kitchen scene is Fantasy by Mariah Carey.

Characters: Baekhyun X You/Female Reader

Description: You teach Baekhyun how to date. (Basically the Get You Alone M/V)

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

You were puzzling. Alone in your bedroom, laying within the comfort of your own bed, you were positively puzzling.

After sorting out just who Ben was and fixing the damage Baekhyun had done to your reputation by explaining that your idiot roommate had just gotten a hold of your phone, you reintroduced yourself and apologized for the confusion.

This ‘Ben’ actually seemed to laugh off the odd behavior he’d gotten as a first impression of you, mentioning that your roommate seemed funny, if not weirdly protective of you.

You could see what he meant when you read through the rapid fire questions Baekhyun had asked him from his age, to his preferred operating system, whether or not Ben had Facebook so “you” and him could be friends, his profession, and his parents line of work, his current place of work, how long he’s worked there and whether or not he moves around a lot, his hometown, his hobbies and even whether or not Ben has now or has ever had any pets; it seemed that Baekhyun had actually done a whole lot of legwork to give you a pretty good idea of what Ben might be like.

But the moment Baekhyun’s conversation topic changed to innocently ask Ben for his astrological sign, something struck you as off to see Baekhyun proclaim you to also be the same sign and after the two compared birthdays you began to find the whole exchange quite odd.

You realized that Baekhyun had simply lied about your birthday. Baekhyun knew your birthday. Why had he given a fake date to Ben? Unless there was something else happening that you didn’t understand. Then again, Baekhyun had always been rather stingy about giving out personal information; both yours and his. He was probably just being cautious about revealing too much to a stranger.

And actually, Ben seemed rather …. nice. You always hesitated to give them this adjective right off the bat as most of the guys you met who seemed nice right away turned out to be very good at faking nice and stringing along at least three or four girls at once for the shot at fucking at least one of them, and the hopes of fucking all of them.

You’d been called the wrong name late at night, whispered through a sleepy voice over the phone. You’d been sweet-talked and then abruptly called a bitch for refusing to send nudes to a guy you’d been talking to for only a week. Apparently a week was his limit and all his other girls gave him what he wanted within a couple of days. You’d been ghosted by nice guys who felt victimized and led on when you said goodnight politely with a smile and a wave instead of inviting them inside for ramen.

You did want a nice guy. But you wanted a real one.

What you wouldn’t give for one of them, for just one of them to be honest with you and really show you their true self.

Perhaps you had been going about it all wrong.

Your conversation with Ben quietly fizzled and you put your phone away to charge and now, now you were simply puzzling.

It panged at your heart to think of it, but the upset with Baekhyun hours earlier kept replaying in your mind. You propped your feet up on your wall and let your head hang off the edge of your bed, enjoying the way the gravity pulled at the blood in your brain and you tapped your fingers on the bed absentmindedly to the soft beat of music you heard playing from his room.

And you puzzled.

Don’t use your beauty as a weapon against me.

You hadn’t been this bothered by something since you’d watched that Mission Impossible movie the first time and spent an hour and a half trying to wrap your head around the complicated plot.

A Weapon.

Your beauty … a weapon … against me.

Why did it bother you so much? Why had he been so upset that you were playing with him, that you were messing with him. He messed with you all the time. You messed with him just as much. He never got this upset. No, he never got upset in this way. In such a way as to call you out on using something you had, against him. Something that you hadn’t even known had any power at all to attack the man. Your beauty. Did you have such a thing?

You thought about the other times you fought with him.

Not really fought, the two of you never did that, but that fake sort of fighting like when he’d woken you up at 2am for the third night in a row with his loud working music and you found him out in the kitchen disassembling your favorite toaster, the one with the wide slots for bagels that also toasts four slices of bread at once and even has special buttons for frozen items. The stainless steel one that you won in a work raffle and proudly marched through the office carrying with a huge smile on your face. It was a deluxe model. Supreme even. The master of it’s craft. Said so right on the box. Your toaster in a million pieces on your kitchen counter; all because he needed some components or resistors or whatever the fuck it was and he decided the best move was to take your toaster apart rather than to just order what he needed online and wait two business days for them to arrive.

Sure, he put it back together a few days later but not without enduring the laser eyes you shot him over breakfast when you had to toast a piece of bread in a frying pan on the stove like a loser who did not own a four slice Deluxe Toastmaster Supreme.

You’d planned your revenge then. It was something tiny and it involved his TV remote. His precious TV was enormous, took up almost the whole wall, OLED or SUPER-NANO or ULTRA-NANO some similar nonsense words and had 8-Ks of pixels or so he claimed and had so many smart functions you could hardly get comfortable using it for anything that didn’t involve the Netflix button. And no, no, you didn’t do anything to the actual TV. Relax, this was just the remote. This was harmless. Absolutely harmless. Easy to solve really if he had half a brain in his head.

You just carefully cut out the smallest tiniest piece of IR blocking tape that fit exactly over the infrared sensor on the remote control and fit so well it was undetectable to the human eye. Unless you knew it was there and knew exactly where to stick your fingernail in under the plastic bezel to peel it back. You simply applied the tape and left the remote right on the coffee table before you left for work.

You’d come home that night to a pile of assorted battery packs all strewn about the coffee table, and the remote completely taken apart down to the tiny circuit board and Baekhyun was quietly touching the tip of some tiny tool to the different spots on the scary looking green part from inside of the remote with all the metal bits stuck to it and when you slowly walked by he looked up at you through the magnifying eye glasses he wore. His eyes looked comically enormous and you swallowed away your laughter and considered how long you’d let him suffer.

“Something wrong with your remote, Peanut Butter?”

“It was working fine yesterday. I just don’t understand it.”

“Maybe it’s the batteries,” you offered innocently and he just ignored your helpful suggestion as he began screwing tiny screws into place with a precision screwdriver.

He was reassembling it all now and you sat down beside him on the sofa about as amused as you had ever been to sit and watch him suffer.

He grabbed two new batteries from an unopened pack on the table and aimed the remote, pressing the buttons again and again. Nothing happened.

He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing and judging by the various shopping bags and different brands of batteries you saw, he seemed to have been working on this all afternoon. Probably for hours now.

“I’m going to have to take the TV apart.”

He was already standing up and walking across the room toward the wall mounted monstrosity when you leaned forward for the remote. He glanced back at you as you did it and he looked at you just in time to see you shake the remote back and forth and then hit it twice lightly against your left hand. Just a little knock-knock should do it. You were careful to keep the expression on your face calm and well controlled.

When you pressed the power button, the big TV came to life and you pressed the button for Netflix and scrolled through your recommended titles. You had a new episode to watch. You’d have to make time tonight for that. After he was done with his little project here.

Baekhyun instantly pulled his hands away from the TV and hopped back and away from the screen, peering up at it with his mouth hanging wide open. His eyes shot back to where you sat on the sofa holding the remote control. You did not allow your smile to form. Nothing in your whole life had ever been so difficult. You felt as if you could pop right here. You casually flipped through the menu on the screen and the man looked back up at the TV and back down at you again.

You could see him coming in then. He was moving fast with several large steps toward you and with the quickest movement you could manage you used the tip of your finger to slide the IR tape back over the remote sensor. You could not be as precise as you had been before with him coming right at you so quickly, but hopefully it wouldn’t be visible.

He reached for the remote. “What did you do, how did you fix it?” He held it up and pointed it toward the TV. Again, the remote did not work. You bit down hard on the inside of your cheek.

He was pressing buttons again and nothing happened with each new button he smashed down. You could see the madness growing in his eyes the more he tried.

He made the smallest whining sound from the back of his throat and it took every ounce of self control to keep from laughing as he lightly tapped the remote twice against his hand just as he had seen you do. Nothing.

You tried to hold it. You tried so hard. A tiny sound escaped, the smallest sniffle with a laugh broke free from your throat and you coughed lightly to hide it.

His face turned on you and those crazed eyes were back only instead of directing them at the remote, he was looking at you now.

“How did you fix it? Do it again.” He looked insane and desperate and a tiny smile betrayed you as you grabbed the remote from his hand. You played the smile off as part of the help you were willing to offer him but you also had to inhale a deep breath and carefully and slowly exhale it through your mouth to keep from breaking completely.

You held it up in your right hand and gave it a little shake. As quickly as you had done it before you turned the remote on its side as you gave those two little knocks and his head flipped toward the TV when you aimed. With his eyes averted you were able to slip the tape off just before pressing the button.

The Netflix logo greeted you and Baekhyun threw his head back and let out a loud frustrated yell into the ceiling above him.

You’d been holding your laugh for too long. It was becoming too difficult now and he was back, reaching for the remote when the first suffocating giggles took your composure and you laughed out loud.

Your laughter brought all of his attention right to you and only you. The entirety of his focus shifted and that brought those crazed eyes of his bearing down on you, wide and demanding.

It was, by far, the most successful and meanest prank you had ever played on him to date and you were gasping for air and laughing as he reached for you. He grasped both of your shoulders and he shook you as you laughed and laughed at the absolute madness in his eyes. Oh he was crazy. It was just so damn funny.

The remote was still in your hands and you flipped through the different inputs on the TV as you cackled and tears formed at the corners of your eyes.

“How did you do it? You devil! Tell me how you did it?”

He balanced with his knees on the couch and his hands were on you, roaming over the fabric of the sweater you wore, lifting your arms to look under them, maybe for spare remotes or for hidden batteries or secret formulas, who knows what he thought he might find.

You’d stashed the tiny circle of tape by sticking it to the skin inside your elbow and he was currently examining the fingers on all of your hands up close as if they concealed all of the secrets he was looking for.

It wasn’t until he searched higher, pulling your hand forward toward his chest and his thumb grazed against the shiny plastic of the tape circle you had on your inner arm when he did a double take, pulled your arm harder and lifted an accusing finger to point at the tape.

“What is that?!” He clearly thought himself to be the world’s greatest detective.  

You allowed yourself to be manhandled by him a little bit more as you got every bit of humor about your recent victory out of your chest and you lifted your other hand, the one he did not have held hostage right now to wipe at the tears that had fallen from your eyes.  

“Stop laughing and answer me, woman! What is it?”

“It’s my birth control patch,” you said through a laugh and his eyes widened as he pulled his hand back. It was a tiny movement but you were so close to his accusing eyes that it felt monumental and the dramatic reaction to your teasing lie made a fresh wave of laughter bubble up in your chest. You knew he would react this way. Any mention of your contraceptives always made him clam up.

“It’s IR tape, Baekhyun. Infrared blocking tape. I put it on the sensor this morning after breakfast. After I made toast in a pan instead of in my toaster.”

The truth pulled his whole head back and he fell down on his butt on the sofa briefly before he slipped and fell right off the couch onto the floor and he sat there with a blank lifeless look on his face; staring ahead without any focus in his eyes.

“Do you know how sad pan toast is, Baekhyun? Tell me, how am I supposed to be satisfied with pan toast when I should have been having Deluxe Toastmaster Supreme toast?”

He was shaking his head back and forth as you spoke and when he did move it was to lay down flat on his back on the floor of the living room. His hands were up and he rubbed roughly over his face.

“Oh my god. Oh my god—it’s so good. I would have never checked for tape over the sensor. Fucking tape. A piece of goddamn tape. I was so focused on the batteries.I went to three different stores today. The circuits to the sensor were all intact, I checked it, it was good — I never even considered this. Are you an evil genius? My sweet innocent Bug ... is actually an evil supervillain.”

You left him on the floor and made your way into the kitchen to make dinner. It was your night to cook and thanks to the man stewing on the floor of the living room you had to do it around the scattered carcass of your third favorite kitchen appliance.

You remembered the way he reacted then. He pouted and moaned on the floor for a few moments until he smelled the stew you were cooking on the stove. It was comfort food. Something with meat and potatoes and warmth and spices. It would lift anyone’s mood and his had been lifted almost immediately. There were no apologies or any tears. Just a promise to put the toaster back together tomorrow after he went to the store for the parts he needed and that was the end of it.

He didn't storm away. He didn't raise his voice or say you were mean or unfair or too beautiful for him to withstand. He didn't get angry about closeness being used the wrong way, in a way that was unfair to him. In a way that could hurt him, like a weapon.

If he said you had the kind of beauty that could be used against him, didn't that mean he found you beautiful? Wouldn't that mean that Baekhyun found you attractive?

The words protested inside your mind. You shook your head.

That was impossible. Definitely. You’ve been so close to him for so long without even a hint of that sort of a feeling from him. Sure you were close to each other. Sure you cared for each other. It was a familiar sort of affection you shared. But attraction? Because he found you beautiful in a way that was unfair?

The puzzling was giving you a headache. There were some things that just did not exist in the same space in your mind and that was the existence of your roommate, Byun Baekhyun, and the possibility that he was attracted to you in any way.

You’d been inside your bedroom for hours now and you were no closer to answers than when you first came in here.

Baekhyun would be done with his episode. He would have watched it with Mia and discussed themes or scenes or dramatic moments with her. Did he talk to her on the phone or maybe though a headset as they streamed the episode together.

Did he like her voice and did she like his jokes?

Did he make her laugh? Of course he did. He made everyone laugh. Baekhyun was charming and hilarious. But could she make him laugh? Could she make him giggle and shake like he laughed with you?

It was late. That didn't really mean all that much to Baekhyun, as the man didn't really have any set bedtime and usually just fell asleep when the sun began to come up. It was a weekend night and you didn't have work in the morning and frankly your curiosity had grown too much for you to just stay in here and fall asleep without at least checking on how the streaming date went.

You knocked lightly on his door. You could hear music playing inside. Nothing too loud or crazy. The man seemed to be having a somewhat low key evening.

“Yeah,” his voice called lowly and you opened the door and peeked your head inside.

“How is our girlfriend doing?” Baekhyun was sitting on his butt on the floor in front of his bed with his head laid over his arms and his phone abandoned in the middle of the floor out of arm’s reach.

He let out a long low groan but did not lift his head up when you stepped inside.

“I don't even know. I don't know.” He sounded defeated already and this had only just started.

“Peanut, what happened?” You picked up the phone and unlocked the screen, searching through his apps to find the dating app so you could see if they had said anything to each other that might give you some clues about what went wrong.

“Nothing happened. I was too quiet. I couldn’t talk at all. I didn't say anything during the entire episode. Why is this so scary. Uggghhh...I feel unsafe. It’s gross.”

You stepped over him and climbed onto his bed, sitting up against the head of the bed as you scrolled through the chat logs.

It looked normal. Not unfriendly. A little terse and abrupt on his part. The man didn't know how to loosen up when he talked to girls and you wondered if maybe you needed more one on one lessons with him before he was really ready for this stuff.

When you leaned back against the headboard you felt the bed dip and he climbed onto the bed beside you and angled his body toward where you sat up against the pillows.

When you got to the end of the chat you could see that she was the last one to speak and she remarked that he felt a bit different from when they spoke at the beginning of the day. He didn't say anything in response to that.

Baekhyun moaned with his eyes closed and he turned his head into your waist. He was obviously reliving some perceived embarrassment he must have felt during the interaction with Mia and when he moved his arm around your waist you looked down to find yourself trapped under his arm that constricted as he pulled tightly, hiding the entirety of his face somewhere in the shirt you wore. He was warm. The weight of his arm around you felt nice.

“I felt so unsafe,” he repeated his complaint from earlier and his voice was obscured and muffled as he hid himself. He switched the tense though and you wondered if he no longer felt unsafe now that you had come in.

You typed out a quick response to Mia. You didn't think it was right to just leave her hanging without an explanation for his strange silence during and after the show.

“I’m going to tell her that you were so quiet because you were nervous. I’ll also thank her for watching the episode tonight.”

You heard and felt a hum and the tightness of his arm around your waist relaxed a little as his arm went slack. He did not move though. He still hugged you. He was still warm and it took only a moment for your nose to pick up the pleasant smell of his clean bed sheets fresh from the dryer. You both had a schedule for washing things like towels and bed sheets. Yours had been cleaned today as well, but something about the smell of his bed felt better than yours had. Perhaps it had been all that difficult puzzling that had tainted yours.

Mia responded right away to your message. She was flattered by his nervousness. You could tell with the way she reassured that he really didn't have to be nervous around her. That she was an easy going kinda girl. Low maintenance she said. You scoffed at the thought of a computer geek being low maintenance. As if you didn't know how difficult to obtain fancy GPUs were and how expensive high powered CPUs, high capacity SATA drives, and their required cooling systems were. You looked around Baekhyun’s set up and figured it had to run somewhere in the multiples of tens of thousands of dollars; just in this room alone.

Low maintenance. Please, she was just as high maintenance as any other regular girl just with a different catalogue of parts.

You switched to the emoji keyboard and keyed off some random happy faces and closed her chat window with more force than was necessary; suddenly and unexpectedly irked when she responded with similar emojis and the notification popped up on the screen. You swiped it away quickly to be rid of it.

“She sounded nice though, even if I couldn’t talk. She sounded nice. Do you think she will even want to talk to me again? I think she likes you more than me.”

“She will like you. If she doesn’t she’s an idiot. A girl would have to be an imbecile, Peanut, to not fall for you.”

He lifted his face then, just enough for the corners of his eye to peek out and you looked down at the side of his face as he looked at you for a moment, absorbing the encouraging words you spoke to him. His leg began to shake somewhere on the end of the bed. You could feel the rhythmic motions. He often did this when he was tired.

You had been scrolling through matches on his phone, building on an idea that popped into your head.

The man needed some practice to build up his confidence. Maybe, just maybe you could find another girl. Someone who he could talk to, chat with, be friendly with, that maybe wasn’t just so wonderfully perfect for him. Someone just to break the ice with.

You stopped on a girl. Her dress was short and the neckline was low. She really left very little up to the imagination with this outfit. Outside of the revealing clothes, it was clear that she was a beautiful woman. She was sexy and very confident in herself despite the glaringly obvious grammatical typo in her bio.

You spun the phone around to show him.

“She looks nice,” you said. Baekhyun blinked at the phone and pulled his face back a little to see the image clearly.

“—-follow you’re dreams — you are — Never too old to follow you are dreams.” Baekhyun read out the sentence with the typo out loud and you laughed.

“Come on, she’s pretty,” you said softly, “right?” You probed gently and he chuckled once to himself and closed his eyes up with a sigh.

“Yeah, she’s pretty,” he said after a while and you felt yourself stiffen just a little bit with his admission. Of course she was. Anyone could see it. He’d be lying if he didn't admit it.

“Okay but like, just pretty or do you also think she’s beautiful?”

He hummed some non response and you focused your attention back on the phone in your hands. After scrolling through a few more profiles you found another woman whose beauty shone brightly right through the screen at you.

“And her? Is she pretty or is she beautiful?”

Baekhyun’s eyes opened again but just barely. He looked half asleep and you wondered if the reason his arm was still around you was because he was so sleepy he didn't realize he was still hugging you like this on his bed.

“Pretty,” he mumbled and pushed his face into your waist again. This time the shaking in his leg began to settle and you could hear a slow steadiness in his breathing.

“Should I message her? Maybe we can practice talking to her so you’re not so nervous talking to girls?”

“Sure Bug,” he said quietly, “you can do anything you want.”

He was falling asleep now. You could feel the change. It didn't matter. You’d let him rest a bit while you opened up a chat window and began talking to Candy.

She responded quickly and had a completely different feeling from Mia. Maybe this was good. Candy was easy to talk to but she had nearly nothing in common with Baekhyun. She casually asked what a computer programmer did and when you went into specifics you had trouble finding synonyms for words that didn’t just make it all more complicated. You finally settled on a simple explanation of what kinds of computer software Baekhyun had developed and left it at that.

After a while Baekhyun shifted in his sleep and uncovered his face. His lips were parted and from the upside down angle you could see the dark splash of his pretty eyelashes that landed over his soft cheeks. He looked lovely and peaceful. All the worries and fears of the day were gone and he was sleeping so calmly. You watched his sleeping face for a while, growing warm inside with the strange contentedness you felt.

You could see some light movement behind his eyes and you wondered if he was dreaming about anything.

Candy had asked for a picture. She was asking something superficial like what sort of car Baekhyun drove and you slipped into his picture gallery for the folder with the shots you took for him when he first bought his car. You found a nice one with him smiling behind the driver’s seat, bright red seatbelt across his chest and the logo of his fancy ride on the steering wheel.

‘Wooo, baby boy an Audi? you must be loaded. When are you gonna come pick me up in that?’

You laughed at her obvious reaction. Candy was exactly as you expected her to be. Baekhyun would be able to laugh and chat with her easily without too much pressure of impressing a complicated woman like Mia was. Candy was an open book. The stakes were lower with Candy.

Your giggle made him stir and you looked down to see his eyes open a tiny bit before he closed them again.

“It’s going well with Candy,” you whispered and he inhaled a breath and nodded his head as he closed his eyes again.

“Mmm, the pretty one?” he asked in a sleepy voice and you hummed your confirmation. Something buzzed inside of you; just a bit of nerve. Call it gumption.

“Baek,” you called quietly and his lips parted with his breathing but his eyes stayed closed this time. He did not respond. He didn't give any indication at all that he heard you call him.

“Baek, what about me?” Your voice was tiny when you asked it. You felt more warmth in this bed suddenly. You felt it in your chest and it seeped up to warm up your face too.

He hadn’t responded at all to your question. It had been pretty unclear though. He might not have heard it, or might not have understood it. Or his sleep may have just been too deep to register your words.

“Am I pretty or am I beautiful?” You said it so quietly there was little chance of him actually hearing it. He was asleep and you were just here, trapped in his embrace on his bed as he slept and you puzzled over the words he had told you during an upset. The words that you had pried from him when he was vulnerable and emotional. The words that you shouldn’t be over analyzing like this. Those words felt too risky to be giving this much thought to.

Here you were again, using your sneaking methods to try and trick him into something when you knew it wouldn't work, when you knew there was nothing really there and you were reading too far into things.

His steady breathing continued. His eyes remained closed and his arm still gripped around your tightly, holding you still, holding you close to him as he slept.

So you gave up. You’d moved back to the phone to respond to Candy; something silly and lighthearted, something easy just like she was, when you heard him speak.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said so far under his breath the statement sounded more like air than actual vocalization of any kind and your fingers stopped their rapid typing in the middle of your sentence.

Your eyes looked down. Your entire body was frozen. Half of you expected to find his eyes open and a wide teasing smile on his lips, begging for you to take the bait and believe his words just for the chance of laughing at your shocked face and making fun of you for being stupid enough to believe them.

He was asleep. His eyelids did not pull open when you looked down at him and his breathing remained as steady as ever.

Baekhyun was asleep.

That damn puzzling — your jaw was sore from clenching your teeth down and your lips were dry and chapped from biting them.  

You had dropped the phone and it disappeared somewhere amid the bedcovers.

Baekhyun’s sleep was deeper now. He must have been very tired to be falling asleep so recklessly like this. You shifted downward and made some attempt to find the phone without waking him up and your small movement made him inhale a deep breath through his nose and he was moving now. You felt him shifting, moving his sleepy body up higher in search for some comfort; for something to lay on that was a bit more comfortable than flat on the middle of the bed like that.

You used the movement to reach for the blanket and pull it over his body so he could be warm at least and when he finally settled he shared the same pillow as you. His forehead rested against your shoulder and he was once again, fast asleep.

His arm though— you found yourself still very much trapped in nearly the same embrace as before, just shifted. A forearm landed over your chest and you felt a new heaviness of his bent leg land over your thigh.

You could wake him.

You could push him off and let him roll the other way so you could make an escape back to the peace of your own bedroom.

You would. You would do that soon.

Your current state of thoughts was simply too overloaded to follow through on any game plan. If you could only have a few more minutes of his warm steady breathing, you would move away from this. You would do it.

It wasn’t that you had never considered it. It was that you had gone through many lengths to come to this place. You were safe and secure here.

It was that you had nowhere else to go when it was over.

This place was your home.

Peanut was part of that home.

Things were nice right now; the way they were at home.

But…

As they sometimes do, and against your own will, your thoughts wandered.

You wondered as they wandered — wondered about him.

From the deepest parts of your mind; down where you’d shoved them roughly many times before, those wondering thoughts danced and swayed lightly to the soft music playing in this room.

Those secret thoughts about the sweetness in his eyes. Secrets about the fondness you felt for the little tips of him; the tip of his nose, the tips of his fingers, the pink tips of his ears. Thoughts you refused to encourage.

Baekhyun was asleep and you were thinking.

With the thinking came the shame and your skin was hot to the touch. The last thing you wanted was to ruin your home. With the thinking came the denial. You could not encourage anything. You could not afford to become complacent. You did not need these thoughts to become so brazen. You did not need them taking root. The last thing you needed was them making an appearance again.

The sounds he made while dreaming pulled your closed eyelids back open. You turned your face toward the sound. It was soft, the small groan from the back of his throat. But his face changed then; eyebrows screwed together and his lungs constricted as he let out a softer sound, like a whine. It was a complaint. His face showed signs of pain. The dream must have been unpleasant.

You lifted a hand then, shifted within his embrace you raised your palm and laid it carefully over the side of his face.

The shift happened with the warm contact and his features evened out and that pained look was gone.  

You smiled then. So sleepy but satisfied that you could help when he needed it.

You would move after he got a little more sleep. After he’d had a little more comfort from you, you would move.

You weren’t the first to move. And it seemed by the change in light that shone through the windows that your visit had lasted much longer than you had intended.

It was the untangle that woke you up. A conscious and deliberate lifting of limbs; the careful grip of a hand lifting your arm by the wrist and setting it gently down on a flat mattress.

You opened your eyes when he pulled his own leg out from between your thighs. The temperature change was most jarring. You had felt so warm before.

Baekhyun was sitting up in his bed. His hair was standing up in places all over his head and he was moving slowly and carefully, in an attempt to disengage himself from the tangle of this woman he had just woken up with.

The sleep was still very thick in your head. It hadn’t been a full night’s sleep had it? You felt like you had just closed your eyes a minute ago and yet the sunshine was so bright outside already.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun whispered when he realized you were now awake and looking at him, “guess I got too comfortable...must have fallen asleep.”

His voice was thick with sleep and with embarrassment too, you could hear it everywhere, with the quick words he spoke to you and the pink that covered the back of his neck and flooded his cheeks too.

This situation...this was an embarrassment. Of course it was.

This was something that should not have happened. Not with two adults of similar age who shared so many liberties with each other; spending time in each other’s arms at night, well…

You felt awkward all over. What if—what if you’d done something in your sleep? What if you said something?

And he already wasn’t meeting your eyes as he climbed out of the bed and awkwardly made his way into his bathroom.

You could hear the sound of the running water faucet and the door closed with the smallest click like he went out of his way to close it as softly and quietly as possible to avoid disturbing you any further.

You could feel the heat burning on the skin of your cheeks and you used his absence to get up and get out of his bedroom before he came out and found you still, still tangled in his bed sheets like you’d been tangled in his legs and in his arms all night.

You had to ignore this. You had to forget it ever happened, and anyway, you were best friends with the guy...right? Wasn't this thing bound to happen in the course of a friendship? What if you went on a holiday with him and the hotel only had one bed? These things really did happen, you read about it on twitter once. Would you be that asshole best friend who let him sleep on the floor just because he was a man? No! You could build a little pillow wall between your bodies and sleep as still and motionless as possible, like a corpse.

This feeling would go away. The red hot embarrassment would wash down the drain of your shower. The sticky warmth left behind by his skin would go with it.

You’d made it as far as to undress and turn on the hot water when an awful memory dawned on you.

Baekhyun still had your shampoo.

You didn't have any other shampoo in this bathroom that you could use. You pulled open cupboards and drawers, searching for anything; tiny hotel sized travel bottles, a nearly empty bottle under the sink for a rainy day, even maybe something in the trash can that still had a few drops. Nothing.

You eyed the hand soap on your sink and pictured stepping out of the shower a frizzy, tangled mess.

A soft knock vibrated against your bathroom door.

“Bug, your shampoo.” Baekhyun’s voice called out, muffled by the sounds of the running water and the door itself, “it’s almost empty, but there’s a little left. Sorry, I’ll run to the store and get more.”

Your ear was pressed against the door so you could make out everything he said; so you could listen carefully to the tone and delivery of his words to see if he was still embarrassed about last night or if he’d brush it off easily like he did most things that seemed to bother him.

There were another two soft knocks, “B-Bug?”

“Yeah, Peanut, thank you. Can you just...put it by the door. I’m already undressed. I’ll grab it in a bit.”

He did not respond right away and you stayed with your ear against the door waiting for some sound. Some indication that he had left. The click of your door, anything.

“I left it by the door,” you heard his far away voice shout and then the click of your door.

When your shower was done and you were dressed in your favorite weekend outfit, the high waisted comfy shorts with pockets and a cute top that made you feel somewhat pretty even on a casual day and you emerged from your bedroom feeling ready to face whatever weird moods or wacky situations accosted you today.

You found him singing a song to himself in the kitchen as he made something that smelled delicious for breakfast. The radio was on a pop station that played hits from all the past decades and the upbeat rhythm of the song that played was a definite favorite that had him dancing at the stove.

It was a groovy little love song, quite old now that you thought about it and you felt the beat hit hard in your chest with each pop of his shoulders and hips. The joy you could feel in this song hit you just like that beat hit; heavy and prominent, and you smiled wide to welcome this morning mood it brought with it.

When you stepped into the kitchen to grab a mug to make yourself some coffee you couldn’t help but sing along to the song, you loved the song as much as he did and when he noticed you enter the room you could hear him singing the main parts; expertly, even though the singer was a woman, his voice could always reach the high notes as well as the low ones. She was the kind of epic singer with one of a kind of talent that was world dominating. Baekhyun was singing along, doing the same kinds of ad-libs and vocal runs that she did and he did it while holding the spatula up to his face like a microphone.

As you walked by he dipped his head and looked into your face and his eyes caught ahold of yours. You knew what was coming. You could hear it coming in the song, the chorus. The part you had to sing. These were the rules. He leaned hard and brought the spatula up to your lips just in time for your part to come on. You did not disappoint. You gave it your all closing your eyes up tight and throwing your head back, singing from the very center of you, this part you always sang during this song. The part that was made for you; he knew it and you knew it.

His smile was genuine and breathtaking and he grabbed your hand with his spatula-less hand and pulled you into him, the beat taking over whatever bit of nervousness he might have had before. This was different. This was dancing. This was singing to simply the best song for a Saturday morning and it was moving and laughing with your best friend and you let him spin you in a small circle, careful to keep your coffee mug lifted so it didn’t hit anything during the spin.

His sense of rhythm was perfect. His hips moved as if they were made for this. You had no choice but to follow. An occasional hand on your hip told you where to go. The song was reaching its peak and you knew it was a short one. The best ones always were. It was going to begin winding down now. It was always such a sweet and short lived moment of happiness that you always appreciated immensely.

As a final move, he gave you a little spin and released you to go on your way toward the coffee maker you so desperately wanted to get to when you first entered this kitchen.

He finished the eggs with the last notes of the song.

As you both sat down to eat, his eyes met yours and yours met his and you dug into the eggs and bacon he’d prepared. You offered him a perfectly buttered toast slice and he took it, nodding his head as he bit into the crisp corner.

“So Bug,” he spoke up between bites of eggs, chewing and swallowing thoughtfully, “about this...Candy.”

You swallowed the hot coffee in your mouth and clasped your hands together, suddenly remembering how asleep he had been when you had hit it off with Candy, his practice girl.

He listened to your explanation. Your theory that the stakes were simply too high with Mia and he needed someone to talk to that was a bit more of a relaxed task for him. You called it easy mode so he might get the game reference. He ate and listened to you talk and occasionally his eyebrows would lift or screw together with whatever sorts of thoughts he was thinking inside his head. You could tell by his body language that he didn't exactly want to start something with Candy and you had to emphasize that it was really just for practice, talking to her. It was to help build his confidence.

“She’s already in, Peanut. She thinks you’re super cool, she thinks you’re rich and thinks you have a very good job and plus, you make lots of money and she seems super into that.”

He was not speaking yet, despite how much you had talked and you were beginning to get worried that he didn’t see the benefit of practicing his conversation skills a little bit.

“It’s not even real, Baek, you just have to make some things up with her. Just to get over that anxiety about talking to women. Just until you are more comfortable.”

When he finally did speak, it was as you feared.

“It just feels kinda gross, Bug. She’s a real person too, even if she is obviously a gold digger. It just seems wrong. I’ve been...thinking lately. What if this is...wrong of us?”

“What if I just have to tough it out with Mia and get the fuck over it and just,” he thrust his hands forward over the food on the table for emphasis, “just — blehhhh — talk, just fucking talk to her.”

You lifted a fork with eggs toward your lips but your stomach protested. You suddenly didn't want any more food. The coffee you were drinking had suddenly gone too cold for your liking and you pushed the plate and mug away from you with your fingertips.

You were bothered.

Why did he choose right now to suddenly grow a conscience about this? Did he forget that Mia was chatting with both of you and not just him?

“I...I just — I want to try with Mia. I know I can get over it and talk to her. And I don't want to talk to Candy. The person Candy thinks I am, well...that’s just false. I can’t be the person she’s expecting me to be.”

He had obviously read through the entire conversation with Candy last night and found the tales you told simply too stretched out for him to try and live up to.

“But that’s what people do when they start dating. They stretch the truth, make themselves sound just a little bit better, make themselves taller, or make themselves look richer. They all do this.” You simply could not understand why he didn’t get this. Why he didn’t just play by the rules that everyone followed to get through the door so he could stand a chance here.

“Well I don't. I don't want someone to fall for a fake version of me. I want someone to like me now. This me. Byun Baekhyun. The Peanut with anxiety who lives with Bug who almost killed him over a cheese stick, but who makes really great toast.”

He was smiling now, joking about the funny memories. You pulled your lips into a forced smile and lifted the coffee for another drink so you didn't have to smile any more.

He was watching your face. You were sure he sensed it. Something had bothered you to the point of giving up on your breakfast and every pass your eyes made over his face led to the same thing. He was watching you.

“Why are you upset?”

You shook your head lightly. Willing the obvious signs to leave your face. You didn't even know why. You didn't have a name for this. So you just shrugged in response to him.

“Because I don't want to practice on Candy? Did you actually like her for me?”

You really made your best attempt. You inhaled deep and closed your eyes and you shook your head.

Candy did not matter and you knew it. There was something ugly inside of you maybe. Something that did not want Baekhyun to get along with perfect Mia. Something that was fighting against the idea of him being happy and healthy and free of this unhealthy attachment you had to him. Free and happy away from you.

“Then why?”

Enough. You were being unfair to him. You had promised him that you would help him. You had gotten him this far and you’d be the worst kind of asshole if you didn't see him through to the end; if you didn't follow through with your promise to find him someone who would love him like he deserved to be loved, exactly as he was now. The amazingly wonderful Byun Baekhyun.

“It’s nothing like that,” you smiled softly. It felt like a sad smile, but at least it was genuine. “I just worry when you get so anxious. You know you fell right asleep last night. As soon as I came in, you passed right out.”

Your words skillfully slipped out of your lips and you successfully changed the subject. You felt like a coward, but you simply did not have words for what was happening to you.

“I didn’t...say anything did I? Before I fell asleep?”

This question was quiet. His fingertips grazed over his lips as he asked it, nearly muffling the words he shyly asked you at the breakfast table, the morning after.

You are so fucking beautiful.

You are so fucking beautiful.

You lifted your coffee cup to drink the tepid liquid inside and dropped your eyes from his shaking ones. The answer to his question sat on the back of your tongue even after you swallowed away the liquid.

You swallowed again and it refused to budge and yet you sat in silence, unable to utter a single word in reply to his quiet question.

Your silence went on for too long and he looked up into your face. An instant smile lifted at the corner of your lips and you forced it up into your eyes.

“You just slept, Peanut. We—” you had to exhale the breath that you had been holding for too long in your lungs, “we just slept.”

 Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

Tag list: @j-pping  @blahblahblah-boo  @his-mochi-cheeks  @amyeonzing@littleflowercrown13  @baekinmylife  @insta1010  @nana-banana  @f4ncyvelvet@bbhbeth  @totallynerdstuff  @byunbabybaek @maijinki @bbyunz@theclawofaraven

[uwuyangin]

a promise well broken (minho x reader)

✩ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: if anyone was certain of one thing, it would be the fact that both you and minho were a two in one deal. never would somebody see one and not the other. since the beginning of your friendship, you promised each other that no matter what, you would never lie. pinky promises were forever right? that is until you meet hana, the one person that had the potential to tear you and minho apart.

✩ 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫 + 𝐚/𝐧: this is a request! bff to lovers! plot ahead. cussing as well so be warned. song rec: i hate u, i love u by olivia o’brien & gnash. thank you for requesting this, lovely! 

—

the autumn of twenty-eighteen was the worst year of your life.

why? because that was the start of your first year being a freshman in college. nobody had warned you about the university life, and it always looked so easy. then came week two where you learned the hard way that the readings actually were important. or that you should never leave your laundry in the laundromat without supervision. again, these were things you had to learn as an adult and it sucked.

but, you’ll never forget the day you met him; lee minho. 

you had accidentally spilled coffee all over his white shirt in that over-crowded starbucks down the street from your apartment. he had joked you owe him a new shirt, however he then laughed at his silly remark. hearing that laugh made your heart melt in a way you couldn’t describe. nonetheless, you offered to buy him his drink of choice, to which he denied. instead, he asked for your time and the rest was history.

you two were inseparable ever since. even when you needed to study, minho would drop by and annoy the hell out of you. it had become such a routine that you would be surprised if he didn’t accompany you to anything. in a way, you were dependent on him as he was to you. some would say this was unhealthy, but you admitted to yourself a long time ago that a life without lee minho was not a life wanted. 

however, because life was never perfect, you couldn’t expect your relationship with him to be. because you were utterly in love with someone you never thought you could have. so much so that your heart swelled at just the idea of him and that damn smile. his tsundere personality attracted you the most because that only made the intimate moments more meaningful. like when he would hold your hand in public if you were anxious, or the way he complimented your work ethic. those small, simple gestures filled your stomach with butterflies. as much as you loved him showing you affection, it also broke your heart because it always stirred up false hope. and nothing hurt more than that. 

you wished you could confront him on this. you hated hiding anything from minho. it was your number one rule between each other; no secrets, no lies. he always had a deep-rooted insecurity of being lied to, and you promised him that you would never do that no matter what. you’ll never forget the way he looked at you then; full of trust and happiness. each night when you lay awake in your bed, your chest clenches at the thought of telling him you’ve been surpressing these feelings. would he rejoice or be disappointed? it was a risk that you weren’t willing to take.

that promise meant everything to you. apparently minho thought otherwise.

it had been exactly one month since you met park hana. minho introduced the two of you after walking out of his calculus class. he had made a new friend, which didn’t surprise you because who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? however, at the sight of her, your stomach dropped. she had locks of honey brown, obviously artificial but beautiful nonetheless. her eyes always shone with a light you never thought you’d see. she was outgoing, intelligent, and funny. god, she was so funny that she made minho roll over in laughter at a study session that was supposed to be explicitly between you and him. you envied her. you wanted to love yourself the way she did, but everytime you looked in the mirror, you would only see flaws. what would minho see in you that he wouldn’t see in her? 

you tried to be her friend, you really did. on multiple occasions, you invited hana to coffee or to the movies, and she always declined. if you brought it up to minho, he would only shrug it off that it wasn’t serious. this didn’t cease your uneasiness towards her, though. it could just be your jealousy speaking but you knew yourself better than that. 

you were going to try again, though. if she meant something to minho, then she meant something to you as well. 

you lay on your bed with a small smile, scrolling through your phone to find minho’s number. a simple face time would be fun as you didn’t feel like texting. you also really wanted to see his face. after finding his number, you tapped on it and felt excitement rising in your system. it was only a video call but this is what minho did to you. as the phone rang, you were met with disappointment as you noticed that he wasn’t going to pick up. that wasn’t like him as he typically picked up within the first three rings. 

“what the heck? ugh,” you grunted to yourself, heading over to text message. 

you were tempted to text him alone about your idea of hanging out, but you knew that if you were going to make an effort for hana, you would need to text the group chat. you began to text out your plans, sending it with a large grin. 

you: heyyyyyyyyy bishes! i’m thinking of heading to the mall later today, and i’d love to hang with y’all. what do you say?? maybe we can get dinner as well. i finally don’t have homework lmaoo 

soongiedoongiedori: aw can’t today :( hanging out with sungie

hana: same, i’m busy! maybe next week? 

you: ok :’) </3

releasing a sigh, you felt your excitement deterioriate. you weren’t expecting them to turn you down so quickly, especially minho. you knew it was wrong to be upset at them for being busy but you couldn’t help how you were feeling. hana did suggest next week . . . that would have to do for now. 

as you sighed once again, you heard your door swinging open. you snapped your head up, hoping it was minho pranking you, but you were only met with your roommate, yeri. 

“whoa, calm down. i’m not gonna kill you,” she joked. “i was just checking to see if you’ve eaten today and if i should buy takeout.” 

groaning, you shook her head and hung an arm over your head. this made it clear to yeri that you were upset, making her concerned. you two were close since the beginning of the school year. normally you were a cheerful person. if you were acting like this, then something was definitely up. 

“what’s wrong?” she asked, sitting beside you on your bed. 

you peeked out from behind your arm only to drop it and sigh for the third time. that’s all you could really do at this point. 

“well, it’s going to sound dumb-”

“no it’s not. stop doubting yourself, now tell me what’s up.” yeri interrupted.

you rolled your eyes but smiled a small smile. “i texted minho and hana to see if they wanted to hang out today but both of them are busy. it just really sucks because i feel like every time i make an effort for hana, she doesn’t make an effort for me. i’ve tried telling lino this but he thinks i’m being dramatic. am i being dramatic?”

yeri hummed at your response, furrowing her eyebrows. you watched in silence as she pondered about the scenario in her mind. this put you on edge because she didn’t immediately reassure you it was nothing. she must’ve seen something fishy as well or else she wouldn’t be thinking about it. or you were assuming the worst.

“they’re both busy?” she checked. 

you nodded, making her shrug. “i wouldn’t think much of it, (y/n). what’s the rule between you and him again? no secrets, no lies or something like that? i don’t think he would lie to you.” 

that was true; nobody took that rule more seriously than minho. for a moment there, you felt guilt because you knew it was wrong to immediately doubt his intentions like that. hana as well. yeri inspected you for a moment as she took in your composure. surely her advice should’ve been enough to warrant ease, however, you were still stiff.

“i’ll go to the mall with you,” she offered. “i was thinking of stopping in sephora or something. i’ve been meaning to go for awhile but never had the excuse.”

you snapped your head her way and bit back a smile, trying not to be too enthusiastic. “really? you’re not just saying that, are you?”

yeri nudged you playfully before standing. “of course not. now get up and ready, or i’ll regret my decision.”

-

“did you really have to buy all three palettes? they look the exact same!” 

yeri rolled her eyes as the both of you exited the store with you holding one bag, and her with two. you had only been there for twenty minutes and you already spent more than you would’ve liked. then again, you didn’t really care because you were looking forward to this for awhile. friends that enable each other stay together, right?

“well, that’s where you’re wrong. this one is peachy nudes, then there’s the golden nudes, and this one is neutral nudes. seriously, (y/n), don’t underestimate the power of nudes.”

the both of you let out a laugh, leaning into each other for support. yeri had made this experience way more fun than you thought it could be. not one thought of minho or hana had entered your mind. the mood was lifted tremendously as you strolled through the mall, window shopping at a few stores until you found the one you wanted to shop in. however, as you were going to enter a store, your stomach did a little growl. 

“whoa, calm down tiger.” joked yeri as she patted your stomach. 

“i guess i forgot to eat today . . . do you wanna stop by the food court before we continue shopping?” you suggested.

she nodded, realizing that she was hungry as well. “i think it’s this way.” 

nearing the corner, you continued on towards the food court with excitement. mall food always had a different vibe to it and you were very much looking forward to devouring some lo mein noodles. as the food court came into view, your walk began to speed up. the excitement that was building up inside of you halted as yeri stopped in her tracks, causing you to run directly into her back. 

“hey-” you started but yeri whipped around, shushing you. her hands grabbed onto your arms and dragged you to the side where you were no longer out in the open.

“what are you doing?” your voice was not loud however it still wasn’t at yeri’s liking as she shushed you again.

“(y/n), look over by mcdonald’s. isn’t that minho . . . and hana?” 

your heart stopped as you heard those words, immediately looking where yeri had instructed you. there sat minho and hana, laughing obnoxiously while sharing a meal. you watched the way she fed him a fry, with him then returning the favor. your heart tugged at the sight because that was something you guys always do to each other. it would then follow with you offering him a bite of your mcflurry and then booping him on the nose with the spoon. the tension grew as you saw him reaching for the spoon of his mcflurry, raising it out towards hana.

“please, please, please. do not pat it on her nose,” you whispered to yourself.

tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the way she took a bite, then giggling as he gently patted her nose with the spoon. that was the icing on the cake and it’s all it took before you turned your body around, rushing to the exit. 

yeri called out to you but you weren’t listening. the scene that played before rewound itself in your mind like a vhs tape. and you would pause at the way he looked at her, like she was so special. those glances were always reserved for you. was he tired of you? did he know how much he meant to you? he broke your one rule, the one thing that meant everything. your friendship was based on this and yet it was now abandoned. your breathing became labored as you tried calming down, staring at the ground with wide eyes and endless tears. never did you think minho would betray you. maybe it was naive to think like that.

“(y/n), wait up!” puffed out yeri as she met up with your figure at the exit. her chest heaved from the run she had to do to catch up.

neither of you spoke as yeri tried to find the words. “i’m sorry.” her voice was soft, almost afraid of breaking you any further.

-

nearly a week had passed since the incident at the mall. and you would be lying if you said you were alright.

every night you were reminded of what minho did to you as he sent you texts relentlessly. the spamming began after day one with him asking if you wanted to come over. when you didn’t respond, he continued to blow up your phone to see if you were okay. all the missed calls and texts drove you insane because you wanted so badly to reply. but you weren’t going to give in so easily. he hurt you in ways you couldn’t describe. it didn’t help that you were helplessly in love with him. seeing him give affection towards another female was inevitable, but you never thought it would hurt like this.

you weren’t surprised when you didn’t get any notifications from hana. you wanted to believe so badly that she was a good person but something felt off. you didn’t want it to be your jealousy speaking but you also didn’t want to be in denial either. this felt wrong because you and minho had never been so separated. but with each passing second, you felt yourself growing further part from him. you continued to drown in your depressed thoughts until a knock on your door interrupted.

“yes?” 

“oh, you don’t sound so excited to see me.” joked a familiar voice as they stepped in, closing  the door behind them.

you grinned, immediately sitting up and opening your arms for your friend, han jisung. the boy wasn’t shy in returning the hug, laughing at your brightened expression.

“sungie! what are you doing here? you didn’t even think to call me?” your voice was nothing but playful, nudging his arm in the process.

jisung took a seat beside you on the bed and chuckled. as he made himself comfortable, he spoke up. “i felt like being spontaneous.”

the air was always light when it came to jisung. he was able to make everyone feel welcomed despite his social anxiety. the contradiction always made you love him more, as a friend of course. you admired him for a moment, feeling somewhat calmer. it was obvious to jisung that something was wrong, though. minho might’ve told him to check up on you because if you were ignoring him, then he knew you wouldn’t let him into your home. but jisung could also tell from your face that you weren’t okay.

“hey, what’s going on? you can tell me.” 

his sudden change from bubbly to concerned shocked you, making you freeze in your spot. you hadn’t even noticed the smallest of tears that were forming in your eyes, finally being able to unleash any form of disappointment that you were holding in. jisung was not prepared to see you falter so quickly as he reached forward, holding your hands in his lap as he let you cry for a moment in silence. as soon as you were ready to catch your breath, you laid the truth on him.

“minho lied to me. and to make matters worse . . . he lied to me with hana.”

jisung was taken aback at those words because minho? lied to you? there’s no way. he snorted, shaking his head as he was in disbelief. however, as he studied your expression again, he noticed that you were still crying. the boy clenched his jaw as he was now visibly angry. he knew how much that rule meant to you and minho, as it meant something to jisung as well. he was there when minho got his heart broken, when he was the one who was lied to. and now minho had completely ignored that because of someone he barely knew. you didn’t deserve this, no one did. 

“(y/n), i’m so sorry.” much like yeri, that’s all he could say. 

because he knew how much this hurt you, and there was nothing that he could say that would change how you were coping. he wanted to ask what happened, but he also didn’t want to push you. 

“why are you sorry? it’s him that should be sorry.” you replied bitterly as you wiped at your eyes. 

you thought you looked pathetic, but jisung thought the opposite. he couldn’t even imagine what you were going through, and he always knew how close you two were. deep down he also knew how you felt about minho. this was more than just your best friend lying to you, no. 

ring ring ring

the sound of your phone ringing made you snap out of it, immediately searching for it so that you could read the caller id. once you had it in your hands, your eyes widened in shock.

“it’s hana . . . should i answer it?” you whispered.

“sure, but i don’t know why you’re whispering.” you reached over and swatted his arm at his sass.

without thinking much of it, you swiped right and pressed the phone to your ear. jisung didn’t think that you would actually do it, considering you had neglected minho’s calls. although he did believe it would be easier to speak with hana as you weren’t as close with her. after holding in your breath for a long second or two, you released out a greeting.

“hello?”

“mhm, (y/n)-ah. i’m glad you picked up. i’ve been meaning to talk to you.” 

something about the way she spoke didn’t sound genuine, and jisung could notice it from a mile away. you furrowed your eyebrows as he pointed at your phone, mouthing the words ‘speaker phone’ to you. you decided to risk it as jisung would be your witness for whatever would go down. you switched it to speaker.

“oh, hi hana. what did you want to speak with me about?” you said straightforwardly. 

there was a chuckle on the other end that sent chills down your spine. “i’m not stupid, (y/n). i know you saw minho and me at the mall together. i don’t blame you for acting the way you are, i would probably do the same.”

both you and jisung looked at each with wide eyes. you didn’t expect her to be so blunt with her thoughts, however you were expecting something bitchy. biting on the inside of your cheek, you listened to her continue.

“i mean, you should be jealous. minho asked me on a date, and he told me he loves me. we are now dating, and we are very happy. he’s very happy. and now that we are together, i’m telling you to stay away from him.”

you could feel the fresh wave of tears pooling in your eyes as you heard her read out your worst nightmare. minho was in love with someone else, and to make matters worse, it was with hana. everything inside of you clenched painfully as you felt your heart sink to your stomach. this was way worse than having minho lie to you. you prayed to any god or deity that the situation couldn’t get any worse than it already was but they refused to listen to you. the universe was against your idea of sharing love with minho as it did everything in its way to tear you two apart. you should’ve kept count of the time you had left with him until he was taken.

but hearing her say that you needed to stay away from him wasn’t an option in your head. you can handle him lying, and being in love with someone else. it hurt, god it hurt so badly, but you could handle it if it meant he was happy. you would rather have minho happy instead of not having him at all. you were passionate in that belief, and you weren’t going to let hana tell you otherwise.

“no.” 

“i wasn’t asking, (y/n).” her tone was more intimidating than before, yet you held your ground.

“i said no. i’m not budging on this, hana. i’m not letting him go.” you protested.

there was another pause in between the conversation, and you thought you had won for a second. but hana was always a step ahead of you, planning her attack head-on like she had rehearsed every possible outcome in her head.

“why are you still holding onto him? you’re just a burden, don’t you see that? he’s only pitying you. now that he has me, he doesn’t need to keep having you around. you should learn to take a hint.” 

she spat her words at you, shooting her venom in your most sensitive spots. for a moment, you had entirely forgotten that jisung was still in the room. you tried not to let her words get to you, but they did. hearing that he was only pitying you sent you over the edge as you hung up the phone, throwing it at the floor angrily. your hands formed into fists as you closed your eyes, trying to catch your breath. but with each inhale, you felt as if you were suffocating. you wanted to wake up from this terror but you knew it was just a twisted reality. you didn’t even notice how your form was shaking from overwhelming emotions until jisung had reached over, pulling you closer into a side hug. he was just as speechless as you, if not more.

he shushed your cries, knowing it was the only thing you could do.

-

a few hours had passed at this point, and you didn’t even notice how you fell asleep with jisung. normally you two would split between the floor or the bed, but it was clear that you were exhausted. the afternoon had turned into nightfall, your open curtains inviting the moon. if you weren’t so out of it, you would’ve admired it’s beauty. you peered over as jisung was curled up beside you under the sheets, one arm wrapped loosely around your shoulders and the other over his face. he was such a good friend that you didn’t know how to thank him. he did not need to stay here by your side yet he did. he would never admit it, but he was incredibly selfless. as you tried adjusting your sight, you realized your eyes were puffy from crying, and it honestly hurt to try and focus in the dark.  you laid your body back down, snuggling deeper into your comforter before trying to head back to rest. without warning, your door swung up to reveal a worried minho.

“what the fuck is this?” 

his voice boomed through the room, causing you and jisung to bolt upright out of bed. your attention turned to a frantic looking minho clutching his phone in his hands. there was a vein popping out on the side of his neck from how stressed out he was, and his hair was disheveled from constantly running his hands through it. anyone would be able to see how fucked up he was over this. not to mention minho was worried sick because you still were not answering your phone, and now jisung wasn’t. when he called yeri to check up on you, she revealed that jisung had slept over. minho was furious, but for what?

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? do you know how worried i’ve been about you, i thought you died!” he started, then pointing his finger at jisung. “and you, what the hell do you think you’re doing in (y/n)’s bed?”

jisung gulped in fear as he avoided eye contact, trying to find the words to reply. never had the older male raised his voice like that at anyone, much less jisung. minho could be scary when mad, but you weren’t going to let behave like this. you believed he didn’t have a right to be so upset. because you weren’t going to let him do this to you, act like he was the victim and that you hurt him. he hurt you first, didn’t he see that? or was he really that blind? 

“first off, i don’t need your permission to have anyone stay the night so don’t talk to him like that. two, i don’t need to answer to you or anyone else but myself.”

minho chewed at the inside of his cheek, a death stare focused on you. “excuse me?”

“i said that i don’t need to answer to you. shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend anyway? it’s obvious you care more about her than you do about your friends. go, we don’t want you here.” you sneered at him, placing your hands on your hips firmly.

“what are you talking about, (y/n)? i don’t have a girlfriend. you’re not making any sense-”

“do not lie to me a second time!” you yelled.

both jisung and minho froze as they heard you raise your voice. minho knew what you could be like when you were furious like this, but he never thought you would be like that with him. it hurt a little as you stared at him like so sternly, so unwelcoming. for once in your friendship, he felt like he was trespassing. that shouldn’t be an issue between you two. minho tried to process his thoughts until he caught your words again, repeating it over and over in his head. guilt began to settle within him as he pursed his lips, thinking of saying something. however, nothing came out. all he could do was stare at the ground with shame digging itself into his skin. you deserved better than this. minho promised you so many things, and he had broken every single one. it was ironic, really, for someone who feared a broken heart. 

“(y/n),” he started hesitantly. “it’s not what it seems. let me explain.” 

you snorted while rolling your eyes. “really? because from what i remember, you promised me. you promised me you would never lie to me, or keep secrets from me. you lied to me!” 

your throat became thick as you tried swallowing any sobs that were bound to come up. you had pent up all of your frustration that this was finally the time you let minho have a piece of your mind. you wanted to scream at him, fight him, and hurt him. but all you could do was unleash the pain you had been holding in. 

“i never thought you would do this to me, minho. i never thought- i never thought you could just give up this friendship to someone who barely knows you! i always pictured you’d be with someone kind and full of love but she is a monster, don’t you see that minho? she is a bitch and-”

“wait, wait, wait. are you talking about hana? why are you saying these things about her? i know you’re upset with me, but don’t pull her into this.” he defended her, folding his arms across his chest.

your heart sank a little further as he didn’t immediately deny the fact that they were dating. instead, he defended her actions, and her role as his girlfriend. you were devastated; so it was true. you should’ve seen it coming, but you never thought it would be this soon. 

“hyung, (y/n) is telling the truth.” jisung tried to interfere, nevertheless, minho glared daggers at him.

“i’m not speaking to you right now. quiet.” he demanded.

his voice was eerily calm, making jisung cower in fear. you were not going to do that, though. you were going to stick up for yourself and the hell that hana had unleashed onto you. there is no way that minho could be so dull to not see the true colors of this girl. or maybe you were far too used to overestimating him.

“why is it that when it’s her word versus mine, you automatically defend her? am i not your best friend? i feel like i mean nothing to you anymore.” 

minho scoffed. “you’re being overdramatic. hana means a lot to me as well-”

“no, it’s obvious she means more to you. do you know what she did to me today, by the way? she told me to stay away from you, to never see you again or else. does that sound like someone you want in your life, lino?” 

you waited to hear reassuring words from your best friend, but instead, all you heard was the love of your life pushing you out of the way. his nostrils flared slightly in anger as he clenched his jaw, and his instinctively formed fists. never had he thought to raise his voice at you, but that was pushed away when the words left his mouth without control.

“you listen to me, and you listen carefully, (y/n). i don’t want you to ever speak of her like that ever again,” he pause to take a deep breath.

“it’s really low of you to be this jealous that you have to tear down the people that matter to me. i thought you were better than that.” he clicked his tongue, giving you a stare of disappointment. 

you couldn’t decide what hurt more, the fact that minho defended her or that he didn’t believe you. jisung wished to speak up and to let his friend know the truth, but he didn’t want to be scolded once more. the silence in the room was chilling, leaving goosebumps to arise on your arms. this had to be fake; this wasn’t the minho you knew and loved. tears had fallen past your eyes and onto your scorched cheeks. that sinking feeling returned to the pit of your stomach as it swallowed you whole. minho stared back with just as much intensity, knowing he hated seeing you cry especially when he was the cause. but he refused to back down from his word. instead he shook his head, turning around to walk out the door. you could hear the slam of the front door from your room, making you jump in fear. you were still unable to move from your spot as shock filled your system. did that really just happen?

you hadn’t even noticed the way jisung chased after his hyung. he pushed his short legs to run faster until he was now out of your apartment and near the parking lot. minho was walking rather fast with his stance intimidating but the younger boy didn’t care. he needed him to know the truth, and to know that you weren’t exaggerating.

minho felt a shove at the lower end of his back, causing him to trip a bit in front of him. when he whipped around to view who it was, a growl slipped his lips.

“yah, do you have a death wish?” jisung was not surprised to hear that.

“no, but do you? do you know what (y/n) has been going through ever since this hana girl entered your life? hm? do you? she’s telling the truth, i was here with her when that call took place.” 

minho chuckled bitterly. “i can’t believe you’re on her side here. i thought you were my friend.”

jisung’s eyes softened, showing just how upset he was over this. minho was not prepared for what came next, however, as the dongsaeng questioned every motive he had. 

“i am. and do you know what i value most in our friendship? no secrets, no lies. isn’t that the same promise you were supposed to keep with (y/n)? and here you are, breaking that promise. trying to validate what you did is inexcusable, man. why would she lie?”

the older of the two was at a loss of words as the guilt he faced earlier returned. it swirled around his body like an uninvited wind, reminding him how cold he felt in the situation. there was no reason for you to lie, so why was it that you would make something up like this? that’s the thing; you would never make this up. the realization was beginning to settle in him as minho came face to face with reality. he had hurt you, and made it out to be your fault. he took the side of someone he barely knew over you. over his best friend. over the love of his life.

“shit,” he muttered while throwing a hand to over his face.

this made jisung smile sadly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “maybe you should fix this. just maybe.” 

letting out a groan, minho cursed at himself. he had fucked up so badly. jisung was quick, though, to ask a question that was still clearly in his head. “are you really dating hana by the way?”

minho shook his head and scoffed. “no.”

minho glanced up from his solemn expression and nodded.normally he would come back with another scary remark but he didn’t have the energy to do it. he made his way back to your apartment with each step being heavier than the previous one. owning up to his mistakes wasn’t something he was used to. never had he hurt this badly before, so he was bound to face something completely new. taking all the courage he could, minho opened your door to see a vacant front room. yeri must’ve been somewhere else, which he wasn’t complaining about. no doubt she would’ve chewed his ass out. minho continued on until he was right outside your door. as his hand went to turn the golden knob, he heard a heartwrenching sound.

you held a hand over your mouth as you sobbed in your bed, your body curled up to offer any form of comfort it could. the words of your best friend replayed over and over until you could no longer bare it anymore. you were broken into pieces, scattering yourself so that they would be hard to find. but minho had the power to put you back together, despite how long it would take. 

you felt a body weigh down beside you on the bed, immediately reaching its arms around you. as your eyes fluttered open, the sight of him was made aware, making you sob harder. minho shushed you, combing back your hair from your eyes as he held you in place. you didn’t fight him, you didn’t scream at him, no. you let him hold you so that he could mend your broken pieces back together. this was his damage he had caused, it only seemed right to take care of it. 

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” 

you shook your head almost instantly. “you’re just saying that. don’t lie to me-”

“i’m not. hey, look at me,” he whispered.

your eyes met his again, making you shiver. it had been so long since you were this close to him. it felt familiar, like home. because that’s what he was to you. nothing could ever change that, even if he had crossed you. 

“i will never lie to you again. you mean so much to me.” 

unlike his tsundere personality, his voice was soft as it wavered in the air. those words alone made your heart begin to beat again with a sense of excitement you thought you lost. that excitement began to build as he grew closer, his face fearlessly nearing yours. his eyes never left yours, and you felt the overwhelming urge to close the gap between you. and so you did.

your lips molded against each other in a way you couldn’t describe. you were exploring new found territory, having experience something you never deemed possible. it was gentle, but powerful. his hands caressed your lower back as he held you closer to himself, chests up against each other. fireworks were an understatement. it felt like the universe was finally aligning again to ensure your happiness. it was a comforting hug that let you knew everything was going to be alright. it was minho showing you that you were more than hana would ever be. 

as he drew back, he pressed his forehead against yours. he couldn’t help but to say the words he had been holding back on ever since the day you met.

“i love you, (y/n).”

your eyes bulged as you looked at him in disbelief. these were words you were wanting to hear for so long. but were they genuine? or to make you feel better? you grew defensive before letting your heart speak any truth.

“i don’t need you to patronize me, minho. if you’re just saying that . . . “

“i’m not. i sincerely love you, (y/n).” 

“what about hana?” your insecurities were back at it again, and doubting anything that minho had said to you. you heard him chuckle as he responded coolly. “i was never with hana. i love you.”

a smile broke out on your lips. “no secrets, no lies?”

“no secrets, no lies.”

soooooo this is really shitty and im really sorry :/ I’ve been writing this for so many weeks and this is all i got out of it lmao <333 might make a part two with smut HA let me know if y’all want that thanks for the request @minholuvs