#also stan Cleopatra shes the best actually

[hoodienanami]

Antony explaining to Octavian that Cleopatra isnt an evil seductress and is actually an important ally

[borisbubbles]

20. SAN MARINO

Senhit - “Freaky!”

Before we start, SORRY for not updating sooner. PED hit me sooner *and* harder than I anticipated and one of my tooth fillings dropped, so I’m currently on painkillers. Also the EBU’s online ‘replacement show’ for the first semifinal... :shudders: 

However, allow me to bring some happiness into my life (and by proxy, yours), by discussing the one, the only, the true 2020 Queen of EuroTRASH....

...

...

... Samanta Tina, in a few updates. 🤭

Until then, let’s dish on Senhit.

Entry Analysis. 

Hang on. Senhit you say? THIS SENHIT?

Yes, I am FOREMOST cuckoo-completely for the fact that SRMTV dug up this haggard frump from her crypt and forced her to do Eurovision simply because they had no other options <3 (and also because they had an Azerbaijani hand-me-down more on that in NF Corner). I always liked Senile Drunk Auntie Senit more than probably should (yes, “Stand by” is boring but 2011 is a dungheap, LET ME HAVE MY RANDOM FAVES OKAY)

Second of all, the accompanying transformation of Senit into SenHIT. We went from this:

to this?

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE IN A FREAKING(!) MIDLIFE CRISIS. 

Holy shit, what a transformation into... idek what to describe FREAKY!’s video clip as? A neo-neon-nightmare, featuring aggressively sexual grinding by Senhit, inflicted upon half-naked men in a setting that borrow heavily from Hatari’s BDSM couture? It’s fucking BONKERS. 

 May I also remind you that Senhit is EVEN OLDER THAN *BICENTANNIAL WOMAN TAMTARATAM* and despite this she manages to sell her sexual aggression as a something *FUNNY* without making herself look like a desperate tart? HER POWER. 😍

I also have to mention the fucking MARKETING campaign that accompanied this mad, menopausal circus of bad taste. You diehards probably noticed the San Marino 2021 mugs (those HIDEOUS teal/pink/sand coloured mugs <3) like I did and like me probably thought it was an elaborate hoax? Turn out... it somehow *wasn’t* a hoax and you could order them on Senhit’s personal website??? WHAT??? Btw, forget about the mugs, how about PERSONALIZED CONDOMS?

SOLD OUT lmfao <3 Bet most Senhit fans never actually used a condom before <3

All of this hogwash for a song that can best be described as an irrideemable pile of disco dreck. 😍  God I was SO on board with UNIRONICALLY stanning San Marino for once. #YesWeSen. 

and... then Eurovision 2020 was taken away from me, you and Senhit, and my appreciation towards her quickly dried up before it could settle as unironic stanning.😬 Sigh. BUT WORRY NOT QUEEN’S GOT YOU COVERED.

<3

NF Corner

Oh my fucking god, yes, the codswallop that was “Digital Battle Eurovision”. So, after months of silence (other than Senhit nasically spoiling her participation on social media, which no one really took seriously because come on, it’s Senhit) San Marino held something that was supposed to pass as a “national final” and it’s the shoddiest thing I’ve ever seen in the 8 years I’ve been following the preshow <3 

Okay so... This is where Azerbaijan come in. You may not know this yet, but “Cleopatra” by Efendi was, at some point during development, given to San Marino. I’m not sure about the exact details, but from what I heard and assumed, Azer’s broadcaster Ichtimai decided they didn’t need “Cleopatra”, so they gave the demo to San Marino, who then recruited Senhit to sing it in. Sounds like fan fiction and fortunately for us the recordings have made they way to the yubtubs so I can prove you it is gospel. Observe:

Senhit - “Cleopatra”

YES QUEEN OF THE GAYS <3 (lol I should keep my opinions on Efendi’s Cleopatra hidden for now, but spoilers I am going to fucking RIP that crock of shit to shreds once I get there).

So anyway, at *SOME* point after giving “Cleopatra” to the San Marinese, Ichtimai must’ve decided that “nope, Cleopatra will be OUR entry, thx” and punted Senhit out of her glorious pseudo-historical trash anthem (more on that too when I rank Azerbaijan), a WEEK before the deadline, (😂🤣) which of course meant that San Marino had to *improvize*. 😅

Enter: a ramshackle SING-OFF between two songs, deadline ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING. 🤣. Your choices:

SONG #1 A trashy disco song that never would have stood a prayer at Eurovision and would’ve been a disaster in every universe, especially *and* including our own, but was complete lip service towards any vocal Stan Marino.

SONG #2 The English translation of a competent, but somewhat tepid electropop song that Senhit had released in Italian in September, mere days after the 2020 season had started. Good, but nothing too exciting. 

Senhit - Obsessed

And honestly, it seemed clear that FREAKY! would win from second one? It seemed like the clear follow-up to Serhat (sorta?), a perfect fan service song to keep the balding gays busy so they don’t pick up their phones and vote for boring shit such as Gjon’s Tears. However, when FREAKY! won it was revealed it had only won by a TINY margin over Obsessed anyway. What the FUCK was this year honestly and why does NONE of it make sense. 

San Marino 2020 & San Marino 2021

I mean... yes, the second semifinal was compiled of a series of oozing trashheaps and boring smug, and yes, both demographs would provide qualifiers and no, Senhit *never* would’ve been one of them, being stuck in the first half. 

It would seem as if “FREAKY!” was a worthy successor to “Say na na na”, but I don’t think that comparison really works. The only things those two songs have in common is their camp and their singer’s inability to sing (lol have I ever said a positive thing about Serhat, ever, in print? I should counteract that by saying something kind: Serhat is very good at... um... being a dentist. 🙂)

However, “Say na na na” also had a universally positive message, even if it adhered the tried-and-true “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF YOU DO THIS BANALE THING” cliché.” FREAKY!” literally is a hodgepodge of acid trippy menopausal nonsense, which I personal find more endearing, but Europe would swiftly whisk towards the rubbish bin for being bad and female. C’est la vie. 

Nada on 2021 yet and given how desperate and scarce with information San Marino are, I expect no news until the literal last minute. I personally wouldn’t be too surprised if they withdrew, but eh, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As long as we have Samanta Demon to cover our trip-hop-trash needs, I couldn’t rly care less about San Marino. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I mean, even if you had *any* doubts how well Senhit would score in the category I named after her, let me recap

- San Marino recruited a random-ass-returnee nobody really asked for. - They initially gave her an Azeri hand-me-down trashpop song about a Macedonian-Greek pharaoh - Azerbaijan then took BACK said hand-me-down trashpop song and made it their entry - Which forced San Marino to flimsily put together a last-minute digital NF where you could decide which of these two HOPELESS songs would facilitate their NQ - The deadline of which was set *ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING IN ROTTERDAM* (aka the literal submissions deadline) - The obvious winner *almost* lost the vote everyone expected them to win (again!) - and of course: the video clip, the website, the emails, the slogans, the CONDOMS. This is honestly what FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTORS! are made for. Happily take away the first (but not last) perfect score, queen. 

Score: 5 Senhits out of 5. 

[pixelsbichoice]

Ranking Choices series by how Gay they are

A review no one asked for but an important one nonetheless

EDIT: Updated for latest books 6/29/19

The Freshman - While Zack, Kaitlyn, Becca, and Zig make this a sweet Gay Squad, the book has prominent bi-erasure if you date a man and forces you to deal with toxic Het Drama for multiple books that leaves you begging for the sweet release of diamond death to never come - 4/10 Gay but at what cost

The Crown and the Flame - Kenna is a bisexual Queen, but the fact that they don't give Dom a male li until awkwardly at the very end is tragic - 5/10 Could be gayer

Most Wanted - Look Sam is a Lesbian Icon(tm) but the narrative pushes for Sam and Dave - 3/10 Pretty Het

Rules of Engagement - Forces the MC to be with a man, doesn't give Party Twin a female li until the third book, and older brother's het drama is insufferable - 2/10 Some gay but too much straight to try

Endless Summer - MC can be a guy or a girl. Pretty gay, but the female lis are not treated as well as the male ones, also there are a lot of straight couples and the fact that Pirate Queen Yvonne ends up with a man? Tragic(tm) - 5/10 gay but could be gayer

LoveHacks - Points for the bi black man and the lesbians, but the first book paywalls its only female li to shit, only has the MC date men, and has Brooke end up with a man instead of Seerena - 3/10 Gay but too Het to handle

The Haunting of Braidwood Manor - Nothing but love a respect for my lesbian ghost girlfriend, but you have to pay to stay together (but it is only 17 diamonds and that is a bargain these days) - 8/10 Lots of lesbian love but at a cost

The Royal Romance - Largely forced to spend time with a man, has only one female li even though Olivia is literally right there, and has Penelope get with Kiara's brother even though Kiara is literally right there - 3/10 Very Het

Hero - MC can be a guy or a girl. Kenji is a BIcon but it takes a while to meet the only female li, also the Poppy and Dax het drama is too much - 6/10 Decently gay and has potential

High School Story - MC can be a guy or a girl. Besides the fact that we have to deal with the Het Tragedy that are Brian, Max, Kara, the dumb Autumn love triangle, and what the ever loving fuck is that set up your Dad with Emma's Mom nonsense, these books give a lot of LGBT+ rep - 7/10 Gen Z is the Gayest Gen

It Lives in the Woods - MC can be a guy or a girl. Gay Icon right here, we stan our Trans King(tm) King Kang, Ava and Stacy are female li legends, Lily is our beautiful Lesbian Queen, nothing like the raw gay energy of swinging a barbed wire bat at the undead - 15/10 GAY ICON

Home for the Holidays - One female LI, but at what cost? Can't play as a guy and forced to have dated one (1) man. Don't even get me started on Nick Peralta - 1/10 Literally ever Het Hallmark Christmas movie ever so RUN

Red Carpet Diaries - It feels like it should be pretty gay between the BIcon that is Seth, the Lesbian Legend that is Teja, and the absolute QUEEN that is Victoria, but man does it throw that all away to be SUPER FREAKING STRAIGHT between Matt and Hunt and paywalling the fuck out of Victoria - 3/10 RIP Gay potential

Perfect Match - MC can be a guy or a girl. Can choose to have your perfect match be a guy or a girl. A beautiful array of lis to choose from and they can all be yours because PB said Polyamory Rights! Even though there is some Het stuff with Nadia and Steve, it is actually tolerable. The President can also be a black lesbian and that's the America I want to live in - 10/10 Living my best gay thot life

Bloodbound - Even love interests whom? Sure you get two wonderful female love interests, Lily and the ultimate BI QUEEN Kamilah, but forget ever hanging out with them. This is the JAX AND ADRIAN SHOW ONLY BABEEE - 4/10 Not even a cheap Priya scene can help, PB said fuck wlw

Veil of Secrets - MC can be a guy or a girl. Ms. Harlenay is a Lesbian icon. Kate is a true BI disaster and the fact that we can only get with her romantically at the end of the book is the Biggest Tragedy of Choices - 6/10 It's fun and gay until you die alone bc you don't have enough diamonds

America's Most Eligible - MC can be a guy or a girl. You can thot it up and kiss so many people, Mackenzie is the only female li you can hang out with most of the time and there was one weird scene where Adam and Derek were super "no homo"??? - 6/10 Gay potential but oof the Het

Desire & Decorum - Only one female li, but she is Amazing. Mr. Chambers gay ass is the real MVP. God bless our non-homophobic gay ally of a dad (rip). But still this book got a lot of Het nonsense bc of the time period - 4/10 Press F to pay respect to our gay ancestors

Across The Void - MC can be a guy or a girl. Even number of lis with even screen time and your siblings can be gay too if they weren't so annoying and stealing your screen time - 7/10 Gay but it's hard to read

Big Sky Country - MC can be a guy or a girl. If you are a wlw, there is a lot of Het nonsense and it is hard to be with the female lis. If you are a mlm, ooh boy is this book Really Gay. Like literally every guy wants your city dick. Still there is some Het stuff - 6/10 Average; Life is what you Gay it

High School Story: Class Act - MC can be a guy or a girl. You can choose the gender of the li you are forced to have a crush on so that is nice. If you play as a guy your twin can be a Lesbian Icon and Erin can like girls but if you play as a girl it's like super het. Don't even get me started on Natalie and Clint - 6/10 Gay but oof

It Lives Beneath - MC can be a guy or a girl. Great even bunch of lis and our gay little brother is the most wholesome thing - 8/10 Good gay content minus you know all the Gore and Death

The Elementalists - MC can be a guy or a girl. Let’s hear it for Ace rep! Except the imbalance of li scenes and how Beckett is constantly forced onto you continues to put this book on thin ice, especially with the lack of flirting options for wlw - 5/10 Gay but lesbian struggles

A Courtesan of Rome -  Forced to kiss men. Female characters treated like shit. Sabina stans deserved better. But Gay brother can get his happy gay romance. Caesar/Cleopatra/MC threesome said bi rights. Parents are the biggest gay allies. The biggest disappointment is the untapped potential - 3.5/10 RIP to anyone who hoped to romance Cleopatra

The Heist: Monaco - MC can be a guy or a girl. Allows you to choose gender of one your lis. Has the potential to have 3 female lis who are all iconic. But makes you pay for not 1 but 2 women crew members so having an all women crew is a struggle - 8/10 Let's go Lesbians!

Update:

Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance - Everyone thinks you and Logan are dating even if you haven’t romanced him in the slightest. Gay rep in minor characters but at what cost. - 3/10 We been knew of the het nonsense since we saw the tagline

Open Heart - MC can be a guy or a girl. If you are guy this book is great. Seriously Dr. ER always down for the BJ (sorry homophobes he BI!✨). If you are woman, HAHAHAHa. Only one female li who is forced to hate you for a few chapters. Seriously Sienna and Aurora and Kyra are right freaking there just give the wlw something!!! - 4/10 Gay but could do so much better

Passport to Romance - MC can be a guy or a girl. Even number of love interests except for the fact that one of the female li has a boyfriend for 75 percent of the book. Still this book is dreadfully boring or annoying which is sad because Sumire and Ahmed are wonderful. - 7/10 Gay but forgettable

Wishful Thinking - Story has MC spend most time with the two male lis, but MC, Anna, and Ellen working together to take down corrupt politicians ala Charlie’s Angels is awesome! The fact that you can sleep with Ellen coming out of nowhere like a dark horse? Amazing! - 5/10 Gay potential

Nightbound - MC can be a guy or a girl. Even number of love interests, but recent changes make it obvious the book wants you to lean towards Nik. Barely any scenes with Vera or Katherine. There is a gay fae and rock troll love story but you have to pay for it -  4/10 A fun supernatural story PB is forcing to be the next great het romance

Platinum - Can choose for your two main love interests Avery and Raleigh to be male or female which means you are not forced to romance men unless you want to! The women are so pretty it hurts. Get to kiss beautiful women for freeeee. Shoutout to non-binary audience. Every song is bop that fills me with gay pride. Only major downfall is you can’t choose to play as a guy. - 9/10 Move over Hayley Kiyoko there is a new Lesbian pop star in town

And Sunkissed is still up in the air while The Royal Heir is on the thinnest of fucking ices.

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Ranking the GPF programs -Ladies FS

As usual, from least favorite, to favorite. 

6 – Anna Shcherbakova – Gnossienne/Firebird

There’s nothing that works in this FS, for me. Nothing. First of all, why do a mash-up of Gnossienne and Firebird? I mean I get it you need two different pieces of music to pull off the dress change… But they could have played so much with the “bird” image by totally going down the Russian ballet road. Like I’m mad that they did not choose the Florine/Blue Bird Pas de Deux from Sleeping Beauty.

You know : Blue bird/Firebird? Tchaikovsky/Stravinsky? Marius Petipa and Nijinsky ? It was a gold mine.

Or not… They obviously want to show off Anna as the ballerina on ice type. Except she’s not. At all. She doesn’t have the lines. She doesn’t have the moves. She doesn’t have the posture. That’s not a dig at Anna! I generally loathe balletic programs in figure skating, mostly because having thin long limbs and being a bit lyrical is not what makes a ballerina. Figure skating and ballet are very different, and every time a FS program tries to emulate it, it just falls short, because whatever they want the skater to do, a dancer will do better. So again, not a dig at Anna, but at her team and their questionable choices.

And then the program in itself is just empty??? Like there’s barely anything in the choreo to mark the contrast between the two parts. Except that the dress that was blue is suddenly red. And if the first part is supposed to be a bit melancholic and calm, in that promenade style, and the second one is actually the climax… Well maybe don’t put all the quads in the first part!!!! Or do it Hanyu’s style, and have a step sequence that slaps. Just something that will, you know, reflect the music. 

So far the FS goes : filler, filler, quads, steps, quads, dress reveal, more flailing around, and jerky moves.

Also I have a lot of problems with Anna’s posture on ice, and her lines. I don’t find them pleasing or well executed, but again, that’s for her team to work on, and choose the appropriate packaged, that will hide the areas where Anna falls short.

Dress : 9/10. It is really beautiful, and the dressing change is the only highlight of the program.

5 – Bradie Tennell – Cinema Paradiso

Okay I don’t like the Cinema Paradiso OST, and that’s another warhorse that Bradie has chosen for her free skate. And I don’t think it suits her. That program requires a lyrical skater, which Bradie imho isn’t. She has made a lot of progress, and her lines are more pleasing, but… Yeah, that’s a meh.

Dress : 5/10, again, meh.

4 – Alexandra Trusova – Game of Thrones OST

That one is a bit of a guilty pleasure. The music is great and GOT has one great soundtrack. Sasha/Daenerys is a match made in heavens. And even if the choreo is more than basic, there’s still a feeling of watching something unreal whenever Sasha’s pull off her quads. Dracarys indeed.

Dress : 10/10. First one was meh but this one totally works for Sasha. She looks great in it. The bodysuits in general are a great fit for her, and this is a nice variation. I love the three-headed dragon red pin on her shoulder.

3 – Alina Zagitova – Cleopatra

What’s this??? Good music cuts arranged tastefully? No warhorse music?? Alina is allowed to hold a spiral for more than 1 second?? Whatever happened to Gleikh???

Anyway to is a good fun program. The music is great. The step sequence is Alina’s best. I do have a problem in the fact that Alina’s ice coverage during the StepSeq is ridiculously small. But anyway even if the FS was not skated really well, it was still really nice.

Dress : 10/10 Alina has never looked better. I love the details, the jewellery that goes with it, the make-up. The general look is great.

2 – Rika Kihira – International Angel of Peace

Two things first. Rika’s FS has an insane amount of music cuts… And they all work, and fit together perfectly, and the program flows seamlessly ! And I stand by it: that FS’ name is pretentious.

But this is a great FS. I still loved Beautiful Storm more. I think it made more of an impact, and I will stan it forever.

Actually this program is a bit of a slow build. Some nice interesting moves at the beginning. Gorgeous Step Sequence, one of the best of the season imo.

And then come the 2A-2t-2l, the spins, the music change. And by the time of the Choreo Sequence I’m hooked. She looks like a true goddess on ice, right into the triumphant finish. This is great stuff.

Dress : I think that Rika, as an angel, looked better in blue, but the green dress is nice, and that’s not a colour you see every day so bonus points for that. 7/10

1 – Alena Kostornaia – Twilight.

This is great. And not even in the so-bad-it’s-good kind of way. It’s legitimately a good, fun, upbeat program. The first part is a bit empty, mostly Alena focusing on landing the 3A. Actually this makes me appreciate how Rika is able to incorporate those ultra-c elements in her programs, without sacrificing the quality of the choreography, and the integrity of the program.

But once we get to Eyes on Fire, Alena’s FS starts to sing. I love the Step sequence to bits. It’s powerful, and has some very interesting moves, and steps, and Alena’s performance is so detailed, refined and intense. And then by Supermassive Black Hole, hell breaks loose and Alena skates the house down.

I think that’s why I put her FS above Rika’s. The sheer pleasure she has skating this FS makes every performance special. She’s that rare type of skater that is able to create a moment every time she goes on the ice. And that’s priceless.

Dress : A bit over the top, with the black bat, and the purple, and the blood drops. 7/10

[schraubd]

Best Epic Rap Battles of History (By Season)

Look, we're all bored here, so let's award the best Epic Rap Battles of History for each season. Season One Winner: Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking Honorable Mentions: Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare, Napoleon vs. Napoleon The season that started it all. Honestly, though, I think only Einstein vs. Hawking can compete with the stronger entrants in later seasons. The creators -- reasonably enough! -- were still finding their rhythm (get it?). Season Two Winner: Michael Jackson vs. Elvis Runner-up: Rasputin vs. Stalin Honorable Mentions: Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates, Cleopatra vs. Marilyn Monroe Now we're cooking. The kid who plays young Michael Jackson was superb, and carries his battle to victory. The Rasputin vs. Stalin (vs. Lenin vs. Gorbachev vs. Putin) battle was strong almost top-to-bottom (only Gorbachev was a bit of a sour note for me). Jobs vs. Gates was a ton of a fun (remember those Mac vs. PC ads?). And Cleopatra vs. Monroe was a superb all-women battle with some truly vicious disses. Freddie Mercury's performance over Frank Sinatra was also a stand-out, but he won so convincingly the battle was actually too one-sided to make this list. Season Three Winner: Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye Runner-up: Edgar Allen Poe vs. Stephen King Honorable Mention: Bob Ross vs. Pablo Picasso  It's tough to top getting Weird Al in one of these (though if Neil deGrasse Tyson had actually played himself -- which I've heard he was willing to do -- it would have been even cooler). Stephen King has one of the best closing lines in the whole series. Bob Ross vs. Picasso is relatively light, but consistent all the way through. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. their namesake Renaissance Artists was good, but the performance was a little short. I also suspect I'm virtually alone in thinking that Miley Cyrus beat Joan of Arc (and pretty decisively, frankly). Season Four Winner: Stan Lee vs. Jim Henson Runner-up: Western Philosophers vs. Eastern Philosophers Honorable Mention: Ellen vs. Oprah If you forced me to pick my absolute, all-time favorite, I'd probably go with Lee vs. Henson -- but it'd be torture. If you asked to pick me single favorite verse, though, it'd be Walt Disney's intervention in Lee vs. Henson -- and it would not be close. It's brilliant from start to finish (and, to be clear, compliments very strong work from Lee and Henson). As a political theorist, I found the philosophy battle hilarious. Ellen vs. Oprah is also a very good, evenly matched battle (and one of the few "clean" ones on ERB). Season Five Winner: George R.R. Martin vs. J.R.R. Tolkien Runner-up: Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child Honorable Mentions: Tony Hawk vs. Wayne Gretzky, Ash Ketchum vs. Charles Darwin This was an absolutely loaded season -- I think clearly ERB's strongest overall. Tolkien's final verse where he works in all the titles of the Lord of the Rings is just masterful. I'm a dedicated Gordon Ramsay fan but Julia Child completely kicked his ass. Tony Hawk's incredible first verse is matched by Wayne Gretzky's brutal last verse. And Darwin has one of the great one-liners of all-time calling Ash "Mighty Morphin' Michael Vick." All that talent means a ton of tracks I love don't even make it onto the honorable mentions list here: (Daniel Craig) James Bond vs. Austin Powers, Ivan the Terrible versus various "the Greats", Wonder Women versus Stevie Wonder, and Winston Churchill versus Theodore Roosevelt are all superb. Season Six Winner: Guy Fawkes vs. Che Guevara Runner-up: Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg Honorable Mention: Ronald McDonald vs. The Burger King This was a shaky season on the whole, but Fawkes vs. Guevara is one of the best in the entire series -- a distinction based primarily around the dead-on Che Guevara portrayal (who knew he also looks exactly like John Snow), but certainly with an impressive toe-to-toe performance from Fawkes. Musk vs. Zuckerberg has a wonderful subtle gag running through it in that Mark "I don't even fucking blink" Zuckerberg in fact never blinks during the whole video. The McDonald vs. Burger King rap sneaks into honorable mention, but not due to either of the titular characters -- Wendy steal the show. Wendy's the company actually tweeted about the rap, which is a bit gutsy given their mascot's line about how she's "exploiting you both like you were growing my tomatoes." via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/2UIgUFU

[malvoliowithin]

What Your Favorite Shakespeare Play Says About You:

Romeo and Juliet: You’re either a hopeless romantic or you really like YA lit, or both. Or you’re in high school and just haven’t read any other plays yet.

Hamlet: You’re gay, emo, death-obsessed, or some combination of the above. OR you’re one of those really pretentious types who like to talk about Shakespeare’s ‘masterpiece’ but I don’t think there’s a lot of those on Tumblr I hope

Othello: You’re either in high school in your Edgy Phase where you think Iago is cool, or you just like the speeches.

Macbeth: You either want to be Lady Macbeth, are gay for Lady Macbeth, or think the witches are rad, which they are. 

Titus Andronicus: You like slasher movies and also laugh in the face of death, probably.

King Lear: You’ve been around too long and have Seen Some Shit. You like to go for long walks and watch sad movies that you know will make you cry. You feel a lingering sense of despair and are yet ever enchanted by the continuing beauty in a grim and thoughtless world. Or you stan Edmund

Julius Caesar: You took Latin in high school and have very strong opinions about the Republic. You will cry about long-dead Romans at the drop of a hat and you are not ashamed. 

Antony and Cleopatra: You’re gay, love war movies, or you only like it because of ‘I wish you all the joy o’ th’ worm’

Coriolanus: You’re REALLY gay and probably most of what’s up there about Julius Caesar applies to you. You have a lot of Feelings also.

Timon of Athens: You love your friends. SO much. Too much

King John: You’re a medieval history nerd in love with the time period, have a weird relationship with your family, or you just like Lady Constance a whole lot. 

Richard II: You’re gay, on a first name basis with a lot of dead monarchs, or you really enjoy David Tennant. 

Henry IV, part 1: You like buddy comedies and having a good time. You cried when Hotspur died and felt no shame in this fact. You probably also like the entire Second Tetralogy but this one is just the most exciting. 

Henry IV, part 2: You watch movies and read books for the theme rather than for entertainment value.

Henry V: You can recite at least one speech from this play from memory, if not more (and will gladly do so if asked). You might be a medieval history nerd, or maybe you just think the battles are cool. You either love Tom Hiddleston or you hate Tom Hiddleston. 

Henry VI, part 1: You like Joan of Arc. A LOT. You’re very defensive and excitable. You think banter is funnier than well-played jokes.

Henry VI, part 2: You like Game of Thrones. You have mixed feelings about Humphrey of Gloucester.

Henry VI, part 3: You will defend Henry with your LIFE but he’s not your favorite character. Your favorite is either Margaret of Anjou or Richard of Gloucester. Also, you think death is funny. 

Richard III: You’re a self-hating misanthrope, or you’re one of those people who liked Iago in high school but grown up. 

Henry VIII: You like Wolsey, probably. 

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: You think romance is hilarious and no, you’re not romantic. You actually think love is stupid. Alternatively your favorite genres are fantasy and science fiction and you have Thoughts about the line “though she be but little, she is fierce” 

The Comedy of Errors: You’re easygoing. You love a good wholesome comedy without a lot of weird dark stuff. Puns are your favorite thing. You also have a soft spot for family (especially sibling) dynamics. 

Twelfth Night: You’re gay as hell but don’t have enough angst-ridden darkness in your soul to enjoy Hamlet. You have all the love of sibling dynamics mentioned for CoE but MORE SO. And you have Opinions about the plight of Malvolio.

The Taming of the Shrew: You lowkey ship Katerina and Petruchio but don’t know why. You secretly love this play but don’t say much about it because it’s really distasteful to modern audiences. Or you spend a lot of time and energy defending it to modern audiences.

Much Ado About Nothing: You wish it would get more notice in the fandom besides the ‘Kill Claudio’ meme but also have to bite your tongue because the meme is actually pretty funny. 

 As You Like It: You’re gay and you hate the ending of this play. You have rewritten various versions of your own ending. 

The Merry Wives of Windsor: You really, really love John Falstaff. 

The Two Gentlemen of Verona: You like Romeo and Juliet. And Twelfth Night. You like both of them better than this play, you just feel like someone should stan for Two Gentlemen.

Love’s Labors Lost: MAYHEM IS YOUR LIFE. Also you like a touch of depth to your comedy. Jokes are all well and good, but it’s the ending that really brings the point home. 

All’s Well That Ends Well: I don’t actually think anyone likes this play, honestly. 

The Merchant of Venice: You like being Conflicted and want a lot of themes in your comedy, dammit! Intrigue? Attempted murder? Racism? Homosexual undertones? Moneylending? Cross-dressing? Lawyer fraud? Weird fairy-tale-esque betrothal games? You want ALL of it. 

Measure for Measure: You either love the Duke or hate the Duke. You will protect Isabella with your life. You also kind of like being Conflicted but prefer (somewhat) happier endings than the Merchant crowd.

Troilus and Cressida: You love the Iliad. You actually don’t care about the title characters as much as you care about the war. Most people have not even heard of this play and you will explain in full detail. 

Cymbeline: You like fairy tales. Actually you love fairy tales. You’re close to your family, but you have a lot of self-reliance. 

Pericles: You probably like mythology and old drama. Also you would kill a man for Marina and think she deserved better. 

The Tempest: You loved Harry Potter as a kid. You love adventure stories the best, and have a dreamer’s spirit. You have a lot of opinions about the treatment of Ariel and Caliban, and you almost certainly cried when Ariel left for the last time. 

The Winter’s Tale: The use of ‘exeunt, pursued by a bear’ as comedy lowkey rubs you wrong but you’re still slightly enthused about claiming the line for your favorite. You love nature and feel at one with it. 

[a34trgv2]

My thoughts on the term "Social Justice Warriors"

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT an anti-SJW. This post is not to harp on SJWs. This is just my personal opinion on how the term is used.

<sigh> Yeah, I kinda had that coming. That said, this has been bothering me for years now; almost a decade actually. I’ve seen this argument thrown about time and time again, particularly when a big budget movie dares to be more progressive in it’s storytelling and characters. It’s not just with movies though, people in general have been labeled SJWs because they have the audacity to promote their personal views on everything. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start at the beginning.

For those who don’t know, a social justice warrior is a person who fights for a political cause they feel needs to be rectified. At the very least, that’s what the term is SUPPOSED to mean. But in doing my research, I found that the term has been used as an insult since early in the 2010s. Specifically around the time of Gamergate. I’m not going to get into it here (tl;dr it involves sexism, harassment and belittlement of women in the gaming industry), but this is roughly around the time I first heard of the term SJW. I’ve longed remained silent about this topic until Stefan “Mr. Coat” Ellison dismissed this term in a video addressing politics in film (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNSaHOJL1Gs). He mentioned how he thought of heroes like Robin Hood whenever he heard the term social justice warrior and that got me thinking: what other popular heroes can be considered “SJWs?” Well let’s gather up a few candidates.

Dr. Martin Luther King, jr.: You can argue how much of a fornicator he was back in the day all you want (I know, I was shocked when I found that out too), but there’s no denying he had a legitamate reason to lead marches in Alabama, give his famous speech in Washington D.C., and make his voice heard around the nation. Dr. King was a civil rights activist fighting for equal rights for African Americans. He and many others fought for injustice in our society and kept fighting up until his death. I don’t know about you, but that sounds and awful lot like a social justice warrior.

Stan Lee: You’d think I was pulling this out of my backside, but there is actually evidence to suggest Stan Lee was a social justice warrior in the best way possible. Stan made it no secret that he was against any form of bigotry, and it showed when he co-created the X-Men with Jack Kirby. He also wrote soap boxes with inspiring and encouraging messages to his readers to be respectful of other people. He even broke new grounds by co-creating the first mainstream African superhero, Black Panther (again, with Jack Kirby). Ask anyone who’s collaborated with him and you’ll find nothing but positive things said about the guy.

Walt Disney: Contrary to popular belief, Walt Disney was NOT a racist, anti-semite, or homophobic dork (nor was his head frozen under Disneyland, he was cremated). He treated everyone as an equal and wanted nothing more than to see creativity become the norm of society. Case in point, EPCOT was his idea for a city that would be focused on creating the future. It was an ambitious yet exciting project that ultimately became Disney World Resort and a theme park right in Florida. Also, his early films had subtle messages about growing up, following your dreams and being a good person; you know, morals anybody can relate to.

Malala Yousafzai: If you don’t know the story of this young girl from Pakistan, here’s a brief round down. Malala is an advocate for free education for young girls in her country. A terrorist group known as The Taliban hated her guts and one of them shot her in the head while she was on the bus. She made it out alive, her story became viral and now boys and girls are given a free education in Pakistan. And she continues to be an inspiration for young girls around the world as she fights for others rights for a free education. 

Everyone Involved in the #MeToo Movement: The one positive thing anyone can say about Harvey Weinstein is that because of him, women in the entertainment industry have finally decided to take a stand. No longer are they going to hide behind closed doors or lock away their trauma in a closet. And it’s not just women, men have come forward about being taken advantaged of too. And this movement shows no signs of slowing down as just this past week a couple people took to Twitter to expose Vic Mignogna of unwanted hugs and kisses, making insensitive remarks and refusing to sign sfw yaoi fanart because “it’s not canon.” If you support the men, women and children who have been taken advantaged of in the entertainment industry, consider yourself an honorary social justice warrior.

Jesus Christ: You knew this was coming. Understandably people have a problem with organized religion (a topic for another day), but that does not mean Jesus didn’t do any good during His time. Aside from helping a blind man see, feeding thousands with just a few pieces of bread and fish, and of course dying for our sins, Jesus preached equality, respect of other people and always be willing to help. Despite being labeled King of Kings, He never once demanded to be treated like one. When you get right down to it, Jesus was a good man who wanted to help people. What’s wrong with that?

So, why is it that people use “social justice warrior” as an insult when it’s clearly meant to be a compliment? In my opinion, it stems from the instances when people are too pushy with their beliefs. There are people out there who do try to force people to believe their way of living is the best way. It’s easy to say “just ignore them, they don’t matter,” so I’ll say something different but hopefully more effective. If someone is promoting a belief that is different than your own, instead of shutting them out, why not listen to what they have to say, agree to disagree and move on? It’s much less of a headache that way then entering a screaming contest where the one who blows their voice out first loses. When it comes to entertainment, however, can we just chill the fridge out? “Oh the horror of movies getting political now. Why can’t entertainment and politics stay separate?” Uhh, movies have been political since Day 1. Birth of a Nation, Hell’s Angels, Cleopatra, Oliver Twist just to name a few of the early ones. Star Wars has the good guys called Rebels and the bad guys called the Empire. Superman is about an immigrant trying to find his place in the world while helping other wherever he can. I can go on about how other films handle politics be it subtle or very explicit but the point is movies getting political is not even close to a new concept.

Conclusion: I see the use of the term “social justice warrior” the same way I see the term “gay” these days: it used to be a compliment but then the Internet came along and unjustly turned it into an insult. It’s honestly backwards thinking that does more harm then good. I really wish we can make an effort to make “social justice warrior” a compliment again, but that’s not going to happened unless more people realize what they’re saying isn’t insulting in the slightest. Honestly, I’d much rather be called an SJW then the “n” word anyday. 

[weekendwarriorblog]

Review: DEATH ON THE NILE Does Better Justice to Agatha Christie than ORIENT EXPRESS

I’ve been a Kenneth Branagh stan for quite some time, but I wasn’t really a fan of his Murder on the Orient Express. I couldn’t even tell you why since I saw it so long ago, I barely remember it. A period murder mystery should definitely be my kind of thing, and that definitely wasn’t, though I love the genre that has brought us Clue, and The Last of Sheila, and of course, most recently, Knives Out. They’re all great in their own respect, but it all leads back to author Agatha Christie and her character, Hercule Poirot

Branagh is back as Poirot for his second movie as the private detective, but first, we get a prologue, a flashback to Poirot’s time fighting in the French trenches during World War I, which essentially acts as an origin for the inspector’s famed moustache. (I wondered if Branagh was able to use Matthew Vaughn’s WWI trenches from The King’s Man when that movie was done.)

Decades later, Poirot is in a London nightclub listening to the dulcet tones of blues singer Salome Otterbourne (Sophie Okonedo) when he witnesses a meeting between besties Jacqueline de Bellefort (Emma Mackey) and billionaire heiress Linnet Ridgeway (Gal Gadot), the latter who graciously accepts an offer to dance by Jackie’s fiancé Simon Doyle (Armie Hammer), which ends up being a lot more risqué than Jackie expected. A few weeks later, Simon and Linnet are engaged to be married and having their wedding in Egypt, though the spurned Jackie still holds a grudge. Poirot himself is in Egypt, where he reconnects with his friend Bouc (Tom Bateman, the only other returnee from Orient Express), who is there with his mother (Annette Bening) for the big wedding.

All the aforementioned end up on the riverboat Karnac, which Linnet has rented out for her lavish party for friends and other wedding guests, which not only brings together the key players but also a wide cadre of hanger-ons from Linet’s business manager cousin Katchadourian (Ali Fazal) and her doctor (Russell Brand), but all sorts of others who have every reason to want the money inherited by Doyle through his marriage to Linnet.

It’s a good hour before the first “death” as promised in the title, and after that, bodies start piling up, as Poirot tries to find the killer or killers. For some reason, the investigation portion of the film works better than it did in Orient Express, so that the languid pacing of the first hour starts to pay off. Granted, much of those pacing issues are due to the number of characters being introduced, but Branagh seems to have a better handle on Christie and her beloved character than he did first time around.

Although the cast for Orient Express was impressive, Branagh has the benefits of a skilled casting director to get great actors into all the key roles, including Gadot, who has already been attached to play Egyptian Queen Cleopatra. When you see her in Death on the Nile you’ll immediately know why. She’s quite good, but this, once again, is very much an ensemble piece with each of the actors getting enough screen time for you to determine whether you like them or not. I thought Sophie Okonedo was quite good, playing a bit more of a character than we’ve seen from her, and she’s well-paired with Letitia Wright as her niece/manager, Rosalie. I wasn’t familiar with Emma Mackey’s work, but she has a great role as the fly in the ointment of the Doyle wedding going off without a hitch. We even get to see Annete Bening in a rare ensemble role, playing Bouc’s clinging mother, and I actually liked Bateman quite a bit both in his scenes with her and with Branagh.

To address the Armie Hammer in the room, the disgraced actor’s role as the sleazy snake Simon Doyle seems to suit him, amongst a cast where all of them have some sort of issue or imperfection. In fact, even Gadot’s Linnet acts like a bit of a bitch at times. Probably the best bit of casting is reuniting comedy legends Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders (best known simply as French and Saunders), but they’re playing very different non-comedic roles here. Still, it’s wonderful to see them in a major movie together.

More than anything else, Death on the Nile looks amazing, whether it’s the recreation of many Egyptian landmarks, the way Haris Zambarloukos’s camera bobs and weaves through the halls and stairwells of the Karnak, or just the many shots of the riverboat travelling down the Nile. It all just looks so beautiful thanks to a combination of production design, visual effects, and cinematography, although the latter’s camera calisthenics settle down for the movie’s second half, as Poirot goes into his interrogations, probably the enjoyable aspect of the film. After the big reveal of the killer, Branagh throws on an epilogue that’s probably as needless as the film’s prologue, though it does wrap things up in a nice bow.

What will be interesting to see is if the good karma Branagh has achieved with his autobiographical Belfast will carry over to the much bigger-budgeted Poirot mystery, especially since he was able to bring over many of his craft collaborators. I don’t see that happening, as Nile has the onus of being a sequel to a movie that received mixed reviews that was targeting an older demographic than the current critical pool.

Despite some pacing issues, Death on the Nile looks glorious, offers a great ensemble cast, and a final act that Agatha Christie fans should greatly admire. It’s good enough that I look forward with hopes that Branagh can play the role at least once more.

Rating: 7/10

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND May 17, 2019  - JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3, A DOG’S JOURNEY, THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR

Well, the summer is grinding along at a rather slow pace. Granted, it’s only the third or fourth official weekend, depending on when you started counting, and if you live in New York City, it doesn’t really feel like summer at all, but as has been the case since starting my beat at The Beat, I hope people will be reading this for the limited releases and repertory stuff, which I try to make fairly comprehensive and complete.

Normally, I wouldn’t be too impressed with Lionsgate’s decision to release Keanu Reeves’ JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM in the summer, but surprise, surprise, I actually liked this one. A LOT! I already reviewed the movie for The Beat, a review which you can read here, but I do think that most of the people who liked the first movie will like this one, too, as it adds the likes of Halle Berry, Asia Kate Dillon  (Orange is the New Black) and Mark Dacascos to flesh out the mythology while sending John Wick on the run as he’s excommunicated from the assassin’s guild.

I don’t have as much an opinion about the doggie sequel A DOG’S JOURNEY (Universal). I mean, I like dogs just fine, but I never got around to seeing A Dog’s Purpose, and I’m not sure I can follow this movie’s high-concept premise without having seen it. Apparently, a dog dies and then keeps coming back as another dog in order to protect Dennis Quaid’s daughter… no, I don’t get how that works either, but I’ll probably never see this.

The other movie I’ve seen which opens Friday is Ry Russo-Young’s THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR (Warner Bros./MGM), based on the novel by Nicola Yoon, starring Yara Shahidi (black-ish,grown-ish) and Charles Melton from Riverdale. If you know me at all, then you can probably guess that I’ve never seen those shows, but I have seen Russo-Young’s other films, and she’s a director that’s definitely grown on me as she’s taken on YA adaptations. I’m not going to write a full review of this one (due to time constraints and illness) but I was generally mixed on it. I thought the two young actors were fantastic, and this was a perfectly nice romantic film that generally used its New York locations well, but there were definitely parts where I was just bored and not that into the story. It’s a shame, because I usually buy into the whole fate and destiny thing, especially when it come to romance, but this one just gets silly at times.

You can find out what I think of the above film’s box office prospects over at The Beat.

LIMITED RELEASES

This is a very busy week for limited releases with a lot of things coming out of the woodwork at the last minute… and honestly, most of what I’ve seen is just okay, at best.

Jack O’Connell plays Cameron Todd Willingham in Ed Zwick’s TRIAL BY FIRE (Roadside Attractions), based on the true story of the Texas man accused of murdering his three young daughters via arson in 1991. He spent 12 years on Death Row before his case found its way to writer Elizabeth Gilbert, played by Laura Dern, who tries to negate the evidence against Willingham. I wanted to like this movie more than I did, because it is an interesting story with a decent script written by Oscar winner Geoffrey Fletcher (Precious), based on an article by New Yorker writer David Grann (apparently all of his articles become movies, so he has a good agent, huh?). The movie is generally okay, mainly due to the fantastic rounded performance by O’Connell but it’s also quite long-winded and didn’t need to be over two hours to get its point across.

Joanna Hogg’s autobiographical British indie THE SOUVENIR (A24) stars Honor Swinton Byrne (yes, that’s Tilda’s daughter) as film school student Julie who encounters and gets involved with a gregarious and opinionated older man named named Anthony (Tom Burke) who turns out to be a heroin junkie who effectively sabotages the film she’s trying to get made. While I can generally understand what Hogg was trying to do with this movie, I found it very long and drawn-out, and I was even more shocked to learn that this was meant to be the first of a two-part movie, but no, I won’t bother with Part 2 even if it does star Robert Pattinson, probably as another dick who tries to derail Julie’s career, cause that’s what men do.

The Lunchbox director Ritesh Batra returns to India for the romantic drama PHOTOGRAPH (Amazon) about Rafi (Nawazuddin Siddiqui), a man from a poor village who takes a picture of student named Miloni (Sanya Malhotra) and sends it to his grandma, saying it’s his new girlfriend, so she’ll get off his back about marrying. Rafi sends his grandma a picture of Miloni, but then has to convince Miloni to play along and meet his grandmother when she comes to Mumbai. As the two spend more time getting to know each other, a romance begins. It’s a nice movie, maybe not quite as great as The Lunchbox, but a nice date night movie for sure.

Opening at the Metrograph, which is in the midst of a Ryusuke Hamaguchi retrospective, is the Japanese filmmaker’s most recent film ASAKO I AND II (Grasshopper Films), based on the novel by Tomoka Shibasaki. It begins with a romance between a shy girl from (Asako, played by Erika Karata) who falls for a young man named Baku (Masahiro Higashide), who suddenly vanishes on her. She ends up moving to Tokyo and meeting another man named Ryohei, who is Baku’s spitting image – maybe because he’s also played by Higashide. A relationship develops between them until Asako learns what happened to Baku. This is definitely a strange but mostly satisfying romance story that would be a great date night double feature of Photograph.

From Sweden comes Pella Kagerman and Hugo Lilja’s sci-fi thriller ANIARA (Magnet Releasing), which takes place on the title spaceship which is taking the three-week journey to Mars full of thousands of passengers when it’s knocked off course. The problem is that it might take years to get back on course, which immediately throws everyone on board into a panic. At the center of it is Emelie Jonsson’s woman who runs a “Mima chamber” where people can go to relax, a chamber that gets increasingly more busy until it breaks down and then things just get completely crazy.  If you wondered what Passengersmight have been like if Gaspar Noe directed it then Aniarais the movie for you, but I did like Jonsson’s character arc as she ends up starting a relationship with a woman officer on the ship and where that story goes.

Karen Gillan stars in Collin Schiffli’s ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW (Samuel Goldwyn), which is written by and co-stars David Dastmalchian from Ant-Manand other films. It deals with a couple living in poverty, forcing him to break the law, as they set off to find refuge in Kansas City. I haven’t seen it but it sounds interesting with that casting.

Shirley Jackson’s 1962 mystery novel WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE (Brainstorm Media)is adapted by filmmaker Stacie Passon with an all-star cast including Taissa Farmiga, Alexandra Daddario, Sebastian Stan and Crispin Glover. Farmiga plays Merricat who lives with her sister Constance (Daddario) and uncle (Glover), the only survivors of a poisonic that killed the rest of their family five years earlier. When their cousin Charles (Stan) arrives, asking about the family’s finances, it begins a battle for control as tragedy looms.

Now playingat the Film Forum is The Third Wife (Film Movement), Ash Mayfair’s Vietnamese drama set in the 19th Century about a 14-year-old named May, who becomes the third wife of a much older man. With a mostly female cast and crew, the film has drawn comparisons to Zhang Yimou’s Raise the Red Lantern and some of the flashbacks in The Joy Luck Club (which I recently rewatched and cried my eyes out, but don’t tell anyone).

Then opening Friday at the Film Forum is Andrey Paunov’s documentary Walking on Water (Kino Lorber), about artist Christo and his late wife Jeanne-Claude, who had built some of the most amazing large-scale installations including the famous “The Gates” in Central Park and their most recent project “The Floating Piers” over Lake Iseo in Italy. The movie will open in L.A. and San Fran next Friday, May 24.

Johnny Depp stars in Wayne Roberts’ The Professor (Saban Films), a movie that seems to be getting dumped into theaters after a DirecTV release. Depp plays Richard, a college lecturer who discovers he has six months to live so he turns into a party animal, much to the shock of his wife (Rosemarie DeWitt) and chancellor (Ron Livingston). Also costarring Zoey Deutch, it opens in select cities.

Kevin and Michael Goetz’s A Violent Separation (Screen Media) stars Brenton Thwaites as Norman Young, deputy of a midwstern town who is forced to arrest his older brother Ray (Ben Robson) for murder. Things get more difficult when Norman gets involved with the victim’s younger sister (Alycia Debnam-Carey). It opens at New York’s Cinema Village and a few other theaters as well as On Demand.

Now playing at the Roxy Cinema in New York is Matt Hinton’s doc Parallel Love: The Story of a Band Called Luxury (Abramorama) about the small-town band Luxury, whose career almost ended in a wreck, but who continue to make records even as three members become priests.

Another music-related doc out this week is the Cordero Brothers thriller Room 37 - The Mysterious Death of Johnny Thunders (Cleopatra Entertainment), which as you might guess from the title is about famed rocker Johnny Thunders (Leo Ramsay) and how his trip to New Orleans to get his life together turned deadly.

This week’s Bollywood offering is Aki Ali’s De De Pyaar De, starring Ajay Devgn, Tabu and Rakul Preet Singh in a London-based love triangle.

Opening in New York this Friday, then in L.A. May 24 and VOD June 21 is Eddie Alcazar’s Perfect  (Breaker Films), exec. produced by Steven Soderbergh, which stars Garrett Wareing as a troubled young man sent to a clinic by his mother (Abbie Cornish) to help with his dark visions.

Next up is Rachel Carey’s Ask for Jane  (Level Film) starring Cait Cortelyou in a timely movie set in Chicago 1969 where abortion is punishable by prison and two women try to find a doctor to help a pregnant student at the University of Chicago has tried to kill herself. The two women end up forming the Jane Collective, an organization that helps women get safe abortions.

Asa Butterfield, Finn Cole, Hermione Corfield, Michael Sheen, Margot Robbie, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg star in Crispian Mills’ horror-comedy Slaughterhouse Rulez set in a British boarding school where monsters have been unleashed from a sinkhole. The movie was a hit in England but is barely getting a release in the States even with that amazing cast.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Not much of note on Netflix except Kate Melville’s rom-com Good Sam, a movie about a reporter who is trying to find a stranger who is leaving bags of money all around New York City.

I probably haven’t been paying enough attention to the streaming service MUBU, but in honor of the Cannes Film Festival that started this week, the service is doing a “Cannes Takeover” which includes Gus Van Sant’s Paranoid Park, Crisi Piu’s The Death of Mr. Lazarescu, Alejandro Innaritu’s Amores Perrosand other films that broke out of the French film festival.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Sci-fi author Samuel R. Delaney will be at the Metrograph for Delaneymania, a collection of films selected by him including This Island Earth (1955), Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal  (1957), Jean Cocteau’s Orpheus  (1950), as well as Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil: Director’s Cut  (1958). The series will also include Fred Barney Taylor’s doc about Delany called The Polymath and more. Playtime: Family Matinees is also getting involved into Delanwymania with screenings of The Boy with the Green Hair (1948) on Saturday and Sunday morning. Also this weekend is the firstMetrograph Book Fair of the year with lots of rare and vintage books and magazines on sale.This week’s Late Nites at Metrographincludes screenings of Michael Mann’s Thief  (1981) and more screenings of Gasar Noé’sClimax, which seems to be Metrograph’s new go-to movie. (Sorry, Carol!)

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Weds and Thursday seems double features of Elaine May’s Mikey & Nicky  (1976), starring Peter Falk and John Cassavetes, and Between the Lines (1977), while Friday and Saturday’s double feature is Martha Coolidge’s 1983 film Valley Girl (with Coolidge and special guests on Saturday!) and Sofia Coppola’s 1999 debut The Virgin Suicides.  The Sunday/Monday double feature is two from Dorothy Arzner, Merrily We Go To Hell (1932) and First Comes Courage(1943).Friday’s midnight is Tarantino and Rodriguez’s 2007 anthology Grindhouse, while Saturday at midnight, you have another chance to watch The Love Witch from 2016.  The weekend’s KIDDEE MATINEE is Agnieszka Holland’s 1993 film The Secret Garden  (which is being remade next year). On Monday afternoon, there’s a screening of Josie and the Pussycats… no, I’m not sure why either.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Sadly, the Trilogies series ends Thursday, but the Film Forum will screen a 4k restoration of Alain Resnais’ Last Year at Marienbad (1961), and this weekend’s Film Forum Jr.offering is Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands  (1990), starring Johnny Depp. Dan Streible is back with his eclectic of shorts called More Orphans of New York.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

On Friday, you can catch a “New York Sleaze Triple Feature” (yes, in L.A.) with Fulci’s The New York Ripper (1982),Nightmares in a Damaged Brain  (1981) and Abel Ferrar’s The Driller Killer  (1979). The Cassavetes & Scorsese: Love is Strangeseries continues on Saturday with Goodfellas and Husbands, plus the 1965 film The 10th Victim is showing as part of the Art Directors Guild Film Society Series on Sunday. Also on Sunday, Spanish filmmaker Ivan Zulueta (who died ten years ago) gets a tribute with a screening of 1979’s Arrebato.

AERO  (LA):

This week, the Aero begins the Passion of Pier Paolo Pasolini series (probably in conjunction with Abel Ferrara’s film, which finally gets a theatrical release) with a series of double features: Solo, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975) and Pigsty (1969) on Thursday, The Decameron  (1970) and Oedipus Rex (1967) on Friday, The Canterbury Tales (1971) and Teorema (1968) on Saturday, and Arabian Nights (1974)and Medea (1969) on Sunday. On Monday, they’ll screen a rare 35mm print of Pasonlini’s The Gospel According to St. Matthew(1964). Since I really enjoyed Ferrara’s new film starring Willem Dafoe, I’m bummed I missed the Metrograph’s retrospective of Pasolini last year, but this is a good chance to see this prolific Italian filmmaker’s often-controversial work.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Another great series begins at the Quad this weekend with Fighting Mad: German Genre Films from the Margins, based around Dominik Graf’s two-part documentary A Journey Through German Film. Graf programmed the series with Olaf Müller, who presents a few of the screenings. It’s a pretty rich series with no films that I personally have had a chance to see – I have a couple screeners to watch – but there are sure to be a few gems in there if you have time to see some of the 17 movies.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Waverly Midnights: ParentalGuidance  will screen Roman Polanski’s horror classicRosemary’s Baby (1968) and James Cameron’s Aliens (again). Weekend Classics: Love Mom and Dad screens Pier Paolo Pasolini’s 1962 film Mamma Roma, while Late Night Favorites: Spring shows the Coens’ Fargo, David Fincher’s Fight Club and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Black 90s: A Turning Point in American Cinema continues this weekend with Waiting to Exhale, The Five Heartbeats, Fear of a Black Hat, House Party, a 20thAnniversary screening of The Best Man and a lot more. It’s a really good series with a lot of movies worth checking out.

MOMA (NYC):

Abel Ferrara: Unrated continues with 1986’s Crime Story on Wednesday, 1993’s Dangerous Game on Thursday, Welcome to New York  (2014) on Sunday and Piazza Vittorio (2017) and 4:44 Last Day on Earth  (2011) on Sunday. The series will continue through May 31. MOMA is also doing a Jean-Claude Carriereseries, honoring the amazing prolific work of the French screenwriter, including Louis Malle’s Milou en Mai  (1964), Milos Forman’s Taking Off (1971) and many more, which will be screened between now and June 16.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

A new addition! The theater in the Roxy Hotel in Tribeca is showing Joanna Hogg’s earlier film Archipelego (2010), as well as Sally Potter’s 1992 film Orlando in 35mm!

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

On Saturday, MOMI is doing a Filmmaker Memorial for John Singleton, put together by The Black Filmmaker Foundation and the Black Film Critics Circle with BFCC President Michael Sargent and other critics discussing Singleton’s work. Otherwise, MOMI is finishing up Panorama Europe.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This week’s midnight movie on Friday is the Japanese horror filmHouse (Hausu) from 1977.

That’s it for this week. Next week, we get Guy Ritchie’s Aladdin, starring Will Smith; Olivia Wilde’s hilarious Book Smart and the James Gunn-produced Brightburn. Oh, yeah, and it’s Memorial Day weekend!