#also the appointment is on a Wednesday after my exams so ive got 3 weeks of stress wednesday

[a-sleepy-ginger]

20/5/24

✿❈✿❈✿

Did well on practice run of the exam in that I managed to complete the essay in an hour

Baby potato

Ender toast

Got cuddles from my cat

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: April 24, 2024 🎀

Wednesday started out so rough, I had a really bad stress breakdown from the pressure I was putting on myself for the exam I have today (Thursday), but luckily my dad was able to calm me down over the phone and my boyfriend motivated me and encouraged me. I don't feel as stressed out anymore, I know that I know the material and I'll do great! (it's a chemistry exam)

🩷 What I Accomplished:

studied chemistry for a good bit

completed 3 chemistry homework assignments

scheduled a make-up quiz for my psyc class

did the Total Body Pilates video from Blogilates

did the 11 minute Wake Up Yoga from Yoga with Adriene

did my morning skincare and journaling

actually, just did my entire morning routine and felt great about it

shipped off shorts I sold on depop

went to chemistry lecture to review for the exam

went to my virtual appointment with a registered dietitian and set some goals for the next 2 weeks

decided to join a step challenge with my health insurance company to win points (they have some cool things in their points shop, plus extra steps during the day is good for my health!)

washed my laundry

made a brain dump list for the remainder of the week

💞 Good Things That Happened:

I really like the dietitian I met with and have another appointment with her in 2 weeks

I really enjoyed using my new 40oz Simple Modern insulated tumbler cup

didn't let my stress breakdown make me go home, very proud of myself for sticking to my plans

went to sleep early

sold another item on depop!

I felt very reassured that I know the content that is going to be on my upcoming exam

the guy who makes sushi at my campus food court made sushi for me and held it until I went to get it so no one would buy it, i could've cried it was so nice of him

I drank coffee on campus and it didn't hurt my stomach for once!

💔 What Could've Gone Better:

need to put less pressure on myself

had some issues with food after my dietitian appointment (sometimes thinking too much about food can be triggering for me, tbh, but my goals are nutrient based which is helpful!!)

started crying before I went to bed because I was feeling oddly emotional (I think I'm starting my period soon)

had to turn down a work shift because I had too much school stuff and that appointment (I need the money so bad tho)

did not drink near enough water

need to be more patient and gentle with myself

also need to really figure out what's going on with my priorities, I keep struggling to do the things I say I'm going to do which is difficult for me to deal with sometimes

need to remember progress over perfection, 50% is always better then doing 0% of something

💗 Stuff For Thursday

clean my room

listen to a podcast episode

maybe do some more laundry

make a grocery list

clean my bathroom

therapy today over video call

reschedule a morning appointment

chemistry exam tonight

try to ship off the shirt I sold on depop

do some more planning and organizing for my life

that's all for now! Thursdays gonna be good. My exam is gonna go great! I have confidence in myself, and my knowledge and I know I've got this!

til next time lovelies 🩷

💕 Song of The Day: Baddie by IVE

Gotta remind myself of this sometimes <3

[bitoffairydust]

Yesterday we came home from the hospital as a family of three.

Things haven’t been super smooth sailing, nor did I expect them to be, but our little one is doing well and I’m healing fine so that’s really all we could ask for.

Wednesday was a bit of a whirlwind. I was scheduled to go into the hospital for my induction at 5, so we spent the morning doing a bit of last minute clean up around the place. Then around 12, someone from L&D called and said if we were available to come in earlier, we could just show up whenever. We still had a few things to finish up so we had lunch, I took a shower while my wife did the dishes, then she took a shower and got the cats set up for a few days home alone before we called an Uber to head to the hospital.

We got there around 3:30-4 so not super early but they got us into the delivery rooms right away and someone came over to go over a few questions (medical stuff and what I was hoping for with the birth). I got hooked up to the contraction and fetal heartbeat monitors, they got my IV line in, and then we went over the induction options for me. Based on my last check up, I was about 1.5 cm dilated, so before anything else they had to get me to about 3 cm, which they offered to do with either the foley balloon or misoprostol. Then the plan was to start me on oxytocin to get contractions going. I requested the miso, cause I figured there would be enough things going in and out of my vagina for the evening without an additional thing thrown in there 😅

It actually took a little while for the induction to start because as it turns out, three people (myself included) showed up for their induction within 5 minutes of each other and I was the last so it was closer to 7 before the resident came to examine me. In doing so they found I had actually progressed to 3 cm on my own since my last appointment so they were able to just get me started up on oxytocin.

Contractions started up pretty much instantly but they were very manageable. I’d say just from the oxy progression, the worst contraction I got was maybe a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10. Then they ran through the dosage and did another exam to see where I was at. They didn’t give an exact number then but I think it was somewhere between 4 and 5 cm. Before starting me up on another dosage of oxytocin, they went ahead and tried to break my water as it hadn’t yet. They didn’t actually manage to fully get it, and honestly, at that point, them trying to get it to break was actually more painful than the contractions I’d experienced that far.

That changed pretty fast once they established they’d gotten enough of the membranes for the time being. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I think it must have been close to 10 at that point, and the pain level climbed very quickly along with contraction intensity and frequency. I tried to bounce on a ball for a bit and the nurse showed my wife some pressure points to try and help with the pain but it did nothing. Around 10:30 I requested the epidural, which was unfortunate timing on my part as the anesthesiologist had just gone in to assist with a c-section. By the time she was out and got to my room it was about 11:30 and pain was an easy 10 on the scale with contractions maybe a minute and a half apart.

The epidural itself went in pretty smoothly but at first there wasn’t much to be said for relief. Since they mentioned it could take 15 minutes to really be felt I didn’t think much of it, and I did feel like things were getting a bit better as minutes passed. The last contraction I was asked about felt more back down to a 5 on the pain scale so the anesthesiologist left. Unfortunately, that 5 turned out to be a fluke because pain shot back up pretty quickly and I was soon at a 10 again, no matter the dosage boosts.

That part was quite honestly the worst of it all, having expected some sort of relief and finding it to be just as worse as before. To make it worse, baby was not handling those contractions well. His heart beat would drop with the start of each contraction, though it picked up before the end of them so though they wanted to keep an eye on it it wasn’t cause for intervention yet. The nurse monitored his heart rate with me laying flat on my back, on my right side, on my left side and then sitting straight up. The latter was the slightly better option for him, but definitely did nothing to help my pain management. She did get me back on my back to try and relieve me a bit since the difference to the effect on baby wasn’t huge but at that point contractions were relentless. I was dealing with back labor contractions, which were maybe a minute apart, and because they suspected the placenta had detached a bit when they tried to break my water, when a contraction would subside, the pain in my abdomen would become more prominent and almost to the same level. It made it feel like I was contracting non stop with no break for catching my breath or trying to recuperate.

Around 2 in the morning there were a few people in the room examining me and trying to figure out the best course of action. A C-section being needed started being mentioned if things didn’t improve, but I was at a little more than 9 cm by then. The OB and the anesthesiologist had a talk outside the room and decided to re-do my epidural as it had clearly failed (they did an ice test and it was clear I wasn’t frozen anywhere at all), and if I were to end up needing a c-section, I’d have to have it redone anyway.

She took two tries to get everything situated in my back. That second try did the trick. I don’t think I can even describe the amount of relief when my foot started feeling warm and then going numb, and within maybe 5 minutes it was amazingly painless. They did another ice test and this time I felt no cold at all anywhere, and when the nurse pointed out I’d just had a contraction it cemented it because I’d not felt it at all. The only thing I could feel at that point was a bit of abdominal pressure every now and then. And I will say, I did have a great team with me. Everyone was very empathetic and trying their best to get me to feel some form of relief before the second epidural. And they seemed almost as relieved as me when that last one finally worked - especially because after that baby’s heart stabilized.

By the time the epidural was done, even though they figured I had likely progressed to 10 cm, they elected to let me rest for a bit, and give baby a chance to keep making his way down, so I got to catch a breather until about 4 am. Then they told me it was time to try and start pushing, with the nurse guiding me since I still couldn’t feel any sort of contraction. I pushed through maybe four or five contractions without huge progress, and the OB came in to assess and established baby needed a bit of help coming out. They set up the forceps and had me push through another couple of contractions, but they were pretty week and hard to catch even for the nurse by then, and baby’s heart rate was starting to struggle again. So they got on the phone to get a room prepped for c-section, and the doctor told me I would get to push through one last contraction, but if nothing happened we’d have to go into surgery.

The nurse tried to wait for a good one (she had already reupped the oxytocin drip at that point) and by some miracle, the next push for his head half out and with the second one it was completely out. The rest of his body followed quickly and before I had even caught up with it all, I had his tiny little body on me.

Even though they’d brought someone in from the NICU just to be safe, he ended up being perfectly okay. I needed a bit more attention because I had more bleeding than normal, and I had to have 4 stitches and another IV line put in to help with the blood loss. Then we stayed in the delivery room until about 6 at which point we were brought over to our postpartum room.

Since then nursing has undoubtedly been the biggest challenge. He did have a tongue tie, but he struggled from the get go. He would latch well but lose it and then get frustrated and cry. He also is a very lazy eater - I’d spend easily 30-45 minutes per side trying to get him to stay aware long enough to take in maybe 15 minutes of proper feeding, but he’d start smacking his lips practically the moment he was done, and he’d wake up hungry again within the hour.

Unfortunately there was no lactation consultant on staff as she was on vacation this week. People commented time and time again about how I had no supply issue, and his latch (when he was latched) was good, but it didn’t seem to help. I also felt I kept getting conflicting information as one moment he’d have crystals in his urine to indicate potential dehydration, and the next they’d be telling me he had barely loss any of his birth weight and was perfectly on target for that.

We did decide to get his tongue tie cut as it seemed to really be frustrating him at feeds and make it harder for my breast to properly fit into his mouth. The feed that followed the cut was easily the best we’ve had to date, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. After we got home and I tried to feed him last night, he did fine on the right side but then only lasted 10 minutes on the left and then lost it, started to scream and wouldn’t latch again. I haven’t been able to make him latch on the left side since, and I only managed to get him latched to the right a couple more times before we ran in the same problem, so we had to go ahead and start giving him bottles. I’ll be trying to work through it with a lactation consultant as soon as possible, and I’ve now started pumping, but in the meantime, him being properly fed was the biggest thing.

He does also have a small fracture on his right clavicle, likely from the forceps, but the pediatrician said that will resolve on its own within the week. In the meantime we just have to be very cautious how we move his right arm, and she prescribed him Tylenol if need be.

In the meantime we’re just trying to settle down to our new sleep deprived routine. But then looking into all the sweet, funny faces he makes both when asleep and awake makes it feel pretty worth it.

- Marie

[champagnetoasts]

Marlowe’s birth story

Her sister arrived 12 days early. Labor was a short 8 hours. An epidural happened only after realizing I was 9cm dilated and baby girl was positioned sideways. Palmer was born in March 2015 -- almost 2 weeks early and at 8 lbs, 1 oz. 

As Marlowe’s due date approached in spring of 2018, I prepped almost everything in March with the asterisk of **I might not actually be there**. Work events, Palmer’s 3rd birthday party... Everyone told me that each baby writes her/his own story and I was fully prepared to go until April 2nd (her due date) and after if that’s what this baby decided to do. However, I felt hugely unprepared with Palmer’s early arrival and I didn’t want to end up in that same boat -- with a full plate at work and a toddler at home. I did have a “special” picked for M’s birth; a midwife that I picked to be by my side as my daughter was born. I picked someone that was tough, no nonsense, and that I knew would be brutally honest with me (and not sugarcoat things during my labor). I was so excited to have her as part of my birth team. 

I started having intermittent contractions on Sunday, March 25th. They weren’t at all regular and one of my midwifes, and dear friend Beth, said to drink plenty of water and try to relax as much as I could. They continued to progress until I finally called my mom on Monday (the 26th) saying-- THIS COULD BE IT! She came up to be on hand to help with Palmer and support us only to have the damn things pitter out over the next 24 hours. False alarm indeed. Mom headed home. The next day (the 27th) at my appointment, my midwife discovered that Marlowe was OP (occupant posterior) or sunny side up and that the contractions were likely baby + my body trying to get her flipped into optimal positioning for delivery. She said to lay off the high heeled shoes and take it easy. We determined that my last day at the office would be that Thursday (March 29th) after an Easter Egg hunt. Wednesday afternoon I treated myself to an intense pedicure and charged the nail tech with getting me into labor. There was also another gal at the salon that was due the same day I was-- 4/2.

The next morning I woke up and felt some dripping. I chalked it up to any number of things that can happen during pregnancy (we don’t need to actually go there) and went on with my morning. Finally I got to the center (where I work) only to have the leaking continue. “Something isn’t quite right here.” I told one of the midwives, Angela. She insisted it was worth a check though it was unlikely anything was happening. After a check and the FERN test, we concluded that my water was leaking. HOLY COW- IT’S TIME!!!

After a reassuring NST to check baby’s vitals, I called my midwife (who also, fortunately, happened to be on call that day) and along with Angela we made a precise game plan for that day (I was only 2-3cm dilated at that point). Because my water was ruptured, I had about 18 hours to get active labor kicked into gear or they would have to induce me with pitocin/ something similar at the hospital. My goal for this birth was medication free so being hooked up to a drip was the last thing I wanted. I called Blake to tell him it was go time + alert him to head to the center. He also was instructed to pick up castor oil before he got there. I then called mom + Blake’s mom to inform them of what was going on and to ask for help with P. She had an Easter Egg Hunt at school that afternoon and I was brokenhearted thinking she wouldn’t have her parents there. I then dissolved into tears thinking that I hadn’t dropped her off at school that morning thinking it would be the last time I saw her as an only child. Hormones, y’all. 

I waddled around the birth center for the next couple of hours. Blake arrived around lunchtime with castor oil + a chocolate milkshake. He dosed me with 3 ozs (the recommended dose is 2 ozs) because if 2 was good, 3 was better. I drank that greasy shake and paced around the parking lot. All I wanted to do was keep moving. Eventually we headed to a local park to walk around the pond until -- er... the castor oil kicked in. We then called Mandesa, my midwife, to meet us back at the center to have me checked. I was really feeling contractions and wanted to be sure I was close to hospital/ center given how quickly I progressed with Palmer Jane. 

We arrived at the center around 3:00 and waited for Mandesa to do an exam. After a membrane sweep and a check, I was about 4 cm dilated and progressing to active labor. We decided to head to the hospital. We got checked in and had to briefly wait for our room. I finally got back to my room shortly after 4, got changed, and was hooked up for 30 minutes of monitoring before I was allowed to move around the room. Mandesa also had to give me one dose of Zofran because I was so sick and she wanted to try and keep some food/ fluid in my stomach to avoid having to get an IV. Being hooked up for monitoring and having to lay on the bed during contractions was MISERABLE. 

As soon as I was allowed, I moved into the water of the tub. The warmth felt wonderful and I labored there for about 45-50 minutes. They brought dinner in for me and I managed to choke down a roll or two and a chocolate chip cookie. And about 34 cups of freezing cold apple juice. I was having what seemed to be constant contractions due to Marlowe being OP. 45 seconds of intense contractions-- 10 seconds of a break -- and then 45 seconds of intense contractions. Eventually I got too hot in the tub and decided to move onto the birth ball. 

I remember the next hour or so as a blur. At one point they hooked me up again to monitor Marlowe and I briefly considered ripping the nodes off of my stomach because it was so uncomfortable. But the last thing I wanted was to end up back in that damn bed on my back. Eventually I looked at Mandesa and said “I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I might have 2 hours left in me.” Mandesa said then she knew I was in transition. I asked to get in the bed and try to close my eyes. She agreed but insisted I lay on my side and prop my knees opened with the peanut birth ball. Fine. I didn’t have the energy to argue. 

I was in that position literally for 10 minutes when I looked at Mandesa and said “I either have to push this baby out or I’m going to poop.” She laughed and asked if she could check me. Baby girl was coming! I remember her looking at me and saying “I need you to really push your hardest. She’s almost here and you’re doing so well!” That’s all I needed to hear- challenge accepted. Let’s get this baby girl earth side!

I pushed for 5 minutes before Marlowe made her appearance into the world at 6:47 on Thursday, March 29th. On my daddy’s 70th birthday. 7 lbs, 4 ozs and 20 inches long. She came out wearing her cord as an accessory. She needed a little coaxing before her first cry- who can blame her?! That was one hell of an arrival! She latched almost immediately and has been our little love ever since. And just like that my heart doubled in size. 

How we picked her name? Woodford is a family name -- my name before marriage was Elizabeth Woodford, my aunt is Alice Woodford, and my grandfather’s aunt was also Alice Woodford. We both loved the name Marlowe though we had a MUCH harder time picking names for this sweet babe than we did with Palmer Jane. Just like PJH, we heard this name from someone and after narrowing down the list from 135 options to 10, to 5, to 2-- this just felt like the best option. I will say I think it fits her quite nicely. 

photo taken the morning of 3/29 before I knew I was in the early stages of labor

Meet Marlowe Woodford / March, 29th 2018