#also the lyrics from lost at see talking about if it’s a lighthouse or my glowing eyes and it’s like am I a monster of the deep

[orallech]

Okay heres the finished one! Had Lost at Sea on repeat while drawin this

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Theon survey songs + links:

@feed-me-a-penny and @team-mom-wannabe In case you still want to see the songs that have been submitted until now.

I found an acoustic version of the song Worms by Lolly Jane Blue on a Theon fan mix once and then lyrics really latched onto my Throne synapses! Very ADWD chapters, I think

The Lighthouse by Halsey; What the Water Gave Me by Florence; Piledriver Waltz by Arctic Monkeys; Ship to Wreck by Florence; Stone by Jaymes Young; Let Me Drown by Orville Peck; Atlantis by Seafret; Wade in the Water by Eva Cassidy; I Don't Want to Talk About Me by Stereo Jane; Sail Away Sweet Sister by Queen; and honestly every song on Everything Ends by Materia.

SOOO many. Ooohhh boy, I hope you like long answers, because you are going to hate me if you don't (you probably already do, I cannot shut up if I'm under the guise of anonymity lol). In terms of poetry, I will forever love this quote by Jenny Holzer: "In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy". It's so Theon, and I actually have it tattooed on me lol. Social Skills training is also a great poem for Theon ([PRIVATE INFORMATION]... hits so hard for so many reasons when paralleling w Theon), here are some raw verses: "Gloria Steinem says women lose power as they age and yet the loudest voice in my head is my mother. Studies show that the mother we have in mind isn't the mother that exists. Mine says: what the fuck are you crying for? / Studies show the baby monkey will pick the fake monkey with fake fur over the furless wire monkey with milk, without contest. Studies show to negate something is to think it anyway. I'm not sad. I'm not sad. / History is a kind of study. History says we forgave the executioner. Before we mopped the blood, we asked: Lord Judge, have I executed well? Studies suggest yes. What the fuck are you crying for, officer? The wire mother teaches me to say, while studies suggest, Solmaz, have you thanked your executioner today?" Just literally everything about that poem hits me right in the Theon feels. Like, are you kidding me? Then The House That Dripped Blood by Mountain Goats is great for imagining Theon circa his Prince in Winterfell era. The lyrics are all about a house haunted by the pain trapped in there, which seems perfect for Winterfell imo. Any Florence + The Machine, but Heavy In Your Arms for painful throbb feels. Would by Alice in Chains has the right mood and great lyricism for Theon/Reek angst too! Then Everyone's Victim by Lisa Germano just has the right mood I feel for thramsay stuff, same vein as Would by Alice in Chains.

pearl diver by mitski, he doesn’t know why by the fleet foxes, cocaine and abel by amigo the devil

So many, a bunch of guns n roses songs, and dead hearts by stars

Dio Ed Io by Charles Wright, there are more but I'm all burnt out typing AHHH!!!

Cry for Judas the mountain goats "long black night/morning frost/I'm still here/ but all is lost" There is a light that never goes out The smiths. Robb and Theon vibes "to die by your side/ is such a heavenly way to die"

“archers never made good kings, fly headfirst into everything” -archers, the ballroom thieves

Almost Human (Aurelio Voltaire) for the Lucifer association

Putting the dog to sleep by the antlers!

call them brothers - regina spektor (that’s it, it’s split, it won’t recover just frame the halves and call them brothers find your fathers and your mothers if you remember who they are over and over they call us their friends can’t we find something else to pretend? like nobody won and we’re safe at the end) that’s okay - the hush sound (you were a child who was made of glass you carried a black heart passed down from your dad if somebody loved you they’d tell you by now we all turn away when you’re down you want to go back to where you felt safe to hear your brother’s laughter, see your mother’s face your childhood home is just powder-white bones and you’ll never find your way back) house of wolves - my chemical romance (well, i think i’m gonna burn in hell everybody burn the house right down and say what i want to say tell me i’m an angel / take this to my grave tell me i’m a bad man / kick me like a stray) mama - my chemical romance (well mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue you should have raised a baby girl i should have been a better son if you can coddle the infection they can amputate at once i should have been - i should have been a better son) JUDAS - the reverent marigold (god knew his face and held it but it still didn’t save him and i see far horizons where the lambs lie with the lions but there are poppies growing over where my friends are lying and paul had an old name, but we never use it you may call me traitor but my lover calls me judas)

i have a playlist, some accidentally theon lyrics i enjoyed is bad medicine by liz green (...) For every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out He tried so hard to fit in but he never really got a chance Before he spoke they burnt him, cut him, roped him and finally put him in the ground He said ‘I’ve been though war, and I’ve been though law and I’ve climbed that hill so cold Yeah I’ve been though more than you’ll ever know still they never let me go And every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out Oh yeah, I’ll spit it right Yeah I’ll spit it right Oh I’ll spit it right back out I will spit it right I will spit it right I will spit it right back out

I love Mr. Tambourine Man for Theon. Especially this line: “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow.” I also love Hurt by Nine Inch nails- All the lyrics and the entire soundscape of that song is Theon to me. Absolutely intense and amazing. And I also love and associate A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall with Theon. The "seven sad forests" the "dozen dead oceans" the "newborn baby with wolves all around it." But all the imagery in that song is so cool and very appropriate for asoiaf in general .

Oh man, so so many but to name a few: 1. How Soon is Now by the Smiths ("I am the son and heir of nothing in particular" / I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does") 2. Sorrowing Man by City and Colour ("Sorrowing man, look how worn you've become. You once were lord of the barren sea. There's blood on your hands." / "Oh, how you have lost your way." 3. Crystal Ball by Keane ("I lost my heart, I buried it too deep, under the iron sea." / "I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong, So put me where I belong.") 4. Bravado by Lorde ("I learned not to want The quiet of the room with no one around to find me out. I want the applause the approval." 5. Hurt by Johnny Cash ("And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt" / What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end."

iron by woodkid seven nation army (in a way) bones in the ocean under the water by the pretty reckless

"Oh No" by Marina & the Diamonds; "Bones" by Ms Mr; "The Ocean" by Dar Williams

i'm a marionette by ABBA starring role by marina and the diamonds asleep by the smiths i still have faith in you by ABBA judas by lady gaga california dreamin' by the mamas & the papas al andar by ABBA crucified by army of lovers i'm not coming home by the cowmen no more from into the woods oh i know by only natural waiting around to die by the be good tanyas

Smoke filled room - daughter

Gilded Lily : I remember when you told me it’s an every decision (Theon’s oath to Robb) But with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way ? (Double vision : Greyjoy/Stark) Haven’t I given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart (softie boi ) I know you’ll take me with you ( could refer to Robb or Ramsay as they die that they take a piece or the whole of him with) Every city’s got a graveyard (kinda makes me think of his prince of Winterfell era) Now I’m sleeping in the backyard (Well, his Reek moment ofc)

a spanish song by my fave band ever Fito y fitipaldis - Antes de que cuente diez (Before I count to ten) some verses i really like from it are: I got lost in a cross of words. They missed wrote down the address. I already engraved my name on a bullet. I've already tried the cannon fodder I already have everything under control. And someone said no, no, no, no, no That now the wind is coming from the other side Leave me the rudder And someone said no, no, no. What will take me to the end? It will be my steps, not the way. You don't see that you always go behind. When you pursue destiny And I won't feel strange again. Even if you don't get to know me And I won't love you so much again. And I won't stop loving you again I stopped flying, I sank into the mud. And between so much mud I found myself. Some warmth without your hugs Now I know that I will never come back.

I dont know many poems but sinnerman by nina simon and sorry by karine polwart and some other songs in my own language :)

honestly.. robb and theon are kinda two ghosts by harry styles if you squint

All of Radiohead tbh

Pardon this next block of text where I name random music. I have to say something about the album The Downward Spiral by NIN being huge Theon material to me (the instrumental track named after the album is so TWOW Stannis execution presumably foiled by old gods activity. also Hurt but everyone's saying that. ummm THE BECOMING.). Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain. 1906 by the West Coast Art Pop Experimental Band is so Bolton Occupation of Winterfell. Avalanche by Kyle John Kenowski. Sister Europe by The Psychedelic Furs feels TWOW Asha and Theon returning to the islands or something. Sweat by Oingo Boingo. All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Bauhaus young Theon in Winterfell. King Rat by Modest Mouse feels either Jeyne and Theon escaping Winterfell or Theon and the invasion of Winterfell. I think I'm saying too much but I hate having things out of context, but I can't just parrot an entire playlist here: these are all ruthlessly selected from my playlist on spotify called [PRIVATE INFORMATION] (Epitaph by King Crimson inspired me to make the playlist) that has these plus more but fair warning it's under construction for my reread I've been doing this summer :^) . Um. A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers by Van Der Graaf Generator but it's 23 minutes long and all over the timeline sorrrrry I like prog rock so much. On Kyra thoughts: Please listen to To The Dogs or Whoever by Josh Ritter for Kyra and the keys thoughts.

Remy Zero - Prophecy: You walk this world like you’re a ghost / Your hands are coming through the needles / Sick of your tragic and your evils / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / [...] / This is a coming of the times / You are a witness to the movement / If all you’re seeing is your lies / You had your chance, but now you’ve blown it / You want this world so you can own it / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / / Look into the sun and see your soul is dying / Used to feel the faith, but now you’re tired of trying / Should have left alone what you have stolen from everyone / Mmm, how ya feelin’? Seems a little sick to me now / / From the light on high / A chance to change your fate / Forgiveness falling down / On those who chose to wait / Remember the time / Find yourself home again / Deep within your life / Find yourself home again / Find yourself home again / It’s a choice / You have chosen your own T.S. Eliot - The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: And I have known the eyes already, known them all— / The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, / And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, / When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, / Then how should I begin / To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? / And how should I presume? / [...] I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. [...] I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. / I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. / I do not think that they will sing to me. / I have seen them riding seaward on the waves / Combing the white hair of the waves blown back / When the wind blows the water white and black. / We have lingered in the chambers of the sea / By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown / Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Century Eyes by Shearwater (You are not the last of this house / Nor the first to go over the side / Remember the wrecks of those elegant ships / “Turn it off! Turn it off!” / Look with century eyes till they make you go blind) Two Evils by Bastille (I’m the lesser of two evils / Or am I, am I tricking myself nice? / If I’m a lesser of two evils / Who’s this man, who’s this act I hide behind?) Hurt Feelings by Flight of the Conchords (It’s my birthday, 2003 / Waitin’ for a call from my family / They forgot about me / I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings)

The Devil's Backbone by The Civil Wars

Lots ([PRIVATE INFORMATION I'M NOT GONNA DO MY COUNTRY DIRTY LIKE THIS] but a very tragicomical and delusional version), but I'm going to list purely English stuff for the sake of it: "Crucify your mind" by Rodriguez is my go to Theon song and I know no one knows or cares about Rodriguez and this might as well be one of those situations where this only works in my head, but fuck it: Was it a huntsman or a player That made you pay the cost That now assumes relaxed positions And prostitutes your loss? Were you tortured by your own thirst In those pleasures that you seek That made you Tom the curious That makes you James the weak? And you claim you got something going Something you call unique But I've seen your self-pity showing As the tears rolled down your cheeks […] So con-convince your mirror As you've always done before Giving substance to shadows Giving substance ever more And you assume you got something to offer Secrets shiny and new But how much of you is repetition That you didn't whisper to him too? "All these things that I've done" by The Killers has some vibes and lyrics too but god do I feel like an idiot for saying that.

[gabenvrhappened]

TheOldGabeOr... Swimming Pools, Lost Boy and Fools by Troye Sivan

Favorite Lyrics (Swimming Pools): So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools? ⬩ Cause I just wanna be at the start of after loving you;

Favorite Lyrics (Lost Boy): I say I wanna settle down ⬩ Build your hopes up like a tower ⬩ I'm giving you the run around ⬩ I'm just a lost boy not ready to be found;

Favorite Lyrics (Fools): I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes ⬩ I see a little house on the hill and children's names ⬩ I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray ⬩ But everything is shattering and it's my mistake;

Other Favorite Songs: Bite, Ease, The Quiet, Cool, Talk Me Down;

Apple Music is just the best music streaming platform ever, and I'll die on that hill. This weekend I was organizing some music to the point I know my last.fm would be proud of me (if I still used it, anyway). While correcting tags and covers, I remembered a song from Troye Sivan that I really loved and always hated that it wasn't made available digitally: Swimming Pools. I was meaning to get back to his songs, but his new album didn't stick with me (as of now, at least).

Then I remembered this song, and it felt like perfect timing because I was recently into Lost Boy and Fools and decided to fully come back to the Blue Neighbourhood album. I'm all about imagery, and by now, it's clear that I love a bad-boy love aesthetic and headlights at midnight. Another thing I love is pools. Once they're full, and you're in it, it's like you're in another world, back to your roots. But what can we expect of it when it's empty? To me, picturing an empty pool, specially in the dark of the night, waves the feeling of solitude and reflection. It can be daunting if your perspective is in the wrong place. It could be the freedom of new beginnings or the fear of the unknown.

Nostalgia is what I get from these types of songs, most of the time from things I never even lived. To Troye, a empty swimming pool is the desired aftermath of a love that went wrong. You don't have a place to jump headfirst, but you also don't have tides trying to drown you out. And here comes the glimmer of hope as you drain the things you thought were good for you but are not. That's life in all its beauty. The highs never last, and it's the same for the lows. Just like I'm so used to do, the feeling is that we should hold on to hope and visualize greener skies and lighthouses calling our names, so one day it'll be true.

However, what will we do once we get there? To me, Lost Boy completes Swimming Pools in a whole way. At first, we want to be found or at least to find our way. If greener pastures and lighthouses seem like a comfort, is it really what we need or what we think we need? Visualize a future of shared happiness, pretending we want something to settle us down when, in reality, that's not exactly what we want. I resonate so much with this feeling. I'm a very individualist person, and I like to be alone and have my own company, but I would love to have the opportunity to share something meaningful, so I'm trying to get into that. But now I'm living in a house with friends, and it's so hard to balance everything and an ever-changing schedule. And I want so bad to meet new people, but I'm always second-guessing the matches I get on dating apps, even while being so in the lookout once I'm outside in the wild. It's a contradiction feeling that I've been carrying for years, and I'm yet to learn how to master it. as if it's possible.

That's when Fools gets into the mix and ties all together. I believe that part of my mixed feelings come from disastrous love. I know we need to focus on the good part of relationships, but the end is always the freshest thing in our minds, and the break always screams so loud because of our catastrophic minds. Especially when you're a fool that falls in love with just one look, creating expectations of a perfect fancy, yet simple life. Again, with swimming pools, added to drinks, planes, and living rooms.

Loving too much, however, it's always a problem. The weight breaks the ropes, and it's always your side that falls and shatters. Once I was born, guilt also born with me, so we walk sewed up together like siamese brothers. And then, the loop starts again, back to violent tide waves inside a pool that I want so bad to dive into, as swimming is the only sport I can do out of passion. Then, without me realizing it, I'm stuck in a blue neighborhood, facing the quiet that strings my heart, craving so much to find some ease into a chaotic life that I'm still trying to let go and be talked down.

[wonhoarctic]

flash | lee hoseok (wonho)

word count: 2.2K

resquest: hii! may i request a wonho angst fic, please? 🥺🥺 thank you in advance!! (i've translated to english)

a/n: hi love! ofc you can, here's your request, by the way, i hope you like it!! ah, and you don't need to be like this with me, we're friends!! (i was going to write it in portuguese but idk if there are people who use to read this, and i did something with ain't about you and with you, that are your favorite songs!! <3

pairing: idol!wonho x idol!fem reader

genre: angst, but with some fluff and smut undertones

contains: wonho can't help but remember about you, lee y/n, the love of his life, his wife and the mother of his beautiful daughter, in the middle of an online concert he's holding, specially when performing his new song flash, which was made just or you (the songs are not in order of albuns!! it's all mixed)

flashbacks are in italic!!!

tw// death, car accident, sasaengs!!

the concert started out with the 'smutty songs', so he wouldn't cry at the beginning, but he couldn't help but remember about when he wrote with you, thinking about you two, loving each other until the morning, or having some rough sex, it depended on the mood, but it was about you two, and he couldn't help but remember; your blissed out face, the sounds you made just for him, mewls, whimpers and moans, just for him, the love bites and scratches you leaved on his skin at hidden places so no one would figure out, your scent, your taste... everything came back to his mind in that moment

hoseok wished he could be at least turned on from the memories he had, but he was broken, he couldn't be nothing but sad remembering about his love, his sweet y/n, who's not here anymore to comfort him after a bad day, to take care of him when he's sick, to make love to him, to kiss and cuddle, to cook his favorite ramen flavors, and to help him to take care of your newborn baby, to help him to change diapers when he don't know what to do, to see you breastfeeding the sweet embodiment of your love... how he wished you were there at that moment, he couldn't believe that you'd left him, that you had left your family

he swore he lost his energy after singing open mind, thinking that he couldn't handle that anymore, he just wanted to lay on the ground and cry, hoping you could hear him and come to cuddle and comfort your husband, but wonho knew you wouldn't come

when lose started to play, he smiled a bit while singing, remembering how you got moody when you entered the set to support him and saw your man hugging the actress by behind, the same way he used to do with you while cooking or doing something important, or when he wanted to talk with the baby during your pregnancy

your pouty face was the death of him, he remembered exactly the texture of your lips on his when he was saying how sorry he was

"you're not going to say a word to me, baby?" you shook your head no "okay, so..." he leaned forward to kiss you, taking care of your growing stomach "do you forgive me now?"

"u-ugh, fine" you blushed, hearing his giggle "but please, do it with me the next time" you laughed

"i swear that in my next mv, you'll be the actress, and our little princess needs to be there too, right?" he smiled

when the sexy concept songs ment ended, a vcr came out, and he made sure to include you on the behind the scenes of the concert, the few last clips of you two together, you helping him with choreographies and figurines, a long video of you guys choosing the right outfits for open mind mv (yeah, he did some of them without the help of his staffs) playing while he changed and prepared himself to the other ment

when lost in paradise started to play, while he sang, hoseok couldn't help but remember that day in which he asked you to marry him, he asked you to be the woman of his life, and he also remembered about your wedding day, smiling widely while thinking about when the two of you started a life

'i got a feeling it's you' said the lyrics, and yes, he got that feeling, and he was completely right, it was you, the love of his life

the wedding ceremony has ended, you two were at a hill, even though he has acrophobia, he insisted to have a wedding at that place, he felt safe in your arms, and now, the two of you looked at the place, seeing the lake below you, and the beautiful view you had from the little forest, his hands still on your hips

"how does it feel to be finally my wife, love?" he smiled

"i feel like... i feel like this is all a dream" you said, caressing the hand on your hip with your other one "and i don't want to wake up. never."

he smiled widely, turning to face you, his hand still in your hip, while the other one caressed your face, carefully wiping the joyful tears that escaped from your eyes, trying his best not to ruin your makeup

"i wanted this dream to come true so bad... i feel like i'm in paradise now" he said "and i'm so happy that our dream finally came true, y/n, i love you so much, and i'll love you forever" he whispered, kissing you

yes, it was true, maybe he was really lost in paradise with you, but now, you weren't there anymore, just memories about you

even losing you seemed to have a different meaning now..... how he wished he could be there to save you, he wanted to protect you

now, it was the interview time, and he wasn't all smiley like before, and the interviewer wasn't helping that much

"so, wonho-ssi... some of your fans noticed that you're not smiling too much today... what happened?" she asked him

"i wasn't going to talk about it, but i can't hide it from wenees anymore..." he sighed "it's just that... every single thing i do here remember me from y/n, my lovely wife, who's not here anymore"

"and what happened to her?" the interviewer didn't seemed to be aware of the situation

"there might be some wenees who don't know what happened... okay, i'll explain" he felt himself getting braver to talk about what was making he lose his sleep "i've hid about my relationship with y/n for about 7 years, but when we got married, i knew lots of fans would talk about it, so our relationship became public... how could i hide this from my precious wenees? i wanted my fans to know about my family" he felt the tears starting to run on his cheeks "i was so happy when i announced that she was pregnant... i thought wenees would be happy, too, but unfortunately, some of them started to become aggressive towards y/n" he was sobbing, even the interviewer couldn't held her tears, starting to feel guilty by asking him that "some obsessive fans started to stalk her when eunbi turned 5 months old and she started to sing again... and near to our princess' 11 month anniversary, when y/n was coming back from mcountdown, some of those wen..." he corrected himself "those sasaengs collided with her car, they were at a high speed, so it was a huge accident, and she didn't resisted..." he was angry, sad, he couldn't help but cry "i couldn't thank her to be with me, to be the mom of my precious daughter... i couldn't say a last 'i love you'... the last thing we did together as artists was the ain't about you mv... and that morning, the last thing she did before going out was to feed our baby girl, and kiss me..." i miss her so much... please, y/n, come back to me... the police had arrested those girls already, but please... say that you love me one more time" all he could do was cry

the staffs thought about ending the concert without an encore, but he insisted to sing the song he wrote for you, flash, while calming himself when the cameras were off

hoseok saw eunbi, his now one year old daughter sleeping while a staff kept an eye on her, he smiled, his eyes were still red and swollen, his face was puffy, so the baby seemed to notice, even if she was still half asleep when her dad held her tightly in his arms, she managed to grab his nose while smiling with the pacifier still in her mouth, her other hand holding the bunny plushie her mom gave her in the 10 months old birthday

"my sweet eunbi" he cooed "daddy will sing a song for mommy today... will you sing with me?" the baby smiled, her pacifier almost dropping, but wonho put it back in her mouth as soon as he could

he kissed her forehead, and then, started to retouch his makeup and change the jacket, holding eunbi in his arms again, going back to the stage

he grabbed the mic, knowing that they were on air, the first public appearance of his daughter, a beautiful moment, even if it was melancholic

Tonight I am still standing In the middle of nowhere, not knowing how you’re feeling I’m trying to find you because I was the only one who didn’t know When and where it went wrong like a fool I want to turn back time and stop it An endless flash, my love for you

while singing, he meant each one of those words, his love for you would be infinite, he'd never stop loving you, or the huge present you left him — a precious daughter, and photos of the two of you were passing through the big screens behind him, photos of your family, wedding day, honeymoon, selcas... everything he had to remember from you

The day I hugged you for the first time The day that will never come again I repeat the words alone, I love you

all he wanted to do in that moment was for you to be there, to sing with him, both of you holding your daughter, smiling... being a happy family, suddenly, he remembered that day, wishing he could turn back time to the day of your first hug, he wanted to hold you in his arms forever

You shined on me like a lighthouse When I was on my own and lost my way, flash You were shining, flash Will I ever forget you? I miss you You held me like a hero When I was unknown, tired and collapsing, flash You were warm, flash Will I ever find you again? I miss you

you were his light, when someone broke him, when he got into those scandals, when he couldn't go back to his fans, you were the one there, you were his flash, helping him to find the way back home, to give him the love he deserves

You left me and I’m the only one here I call you but there’s no answer, what else can I do? I thought I cared for you more than anything But it was my mistake, how hard was it for you? Come back to me please, give me one more chance Shine on me beautifully like you’ve always did I know bae gone be the last time This is how I’m feeling If I can see you one last time, one love

he was calling you even now, his mind was wandering back to all the memories he had with you, his one and only love, but you weren't going to answer him, you couldn't just come back from the dead

The day I let you go from my arms The day that will never come again I repeat these words alone, I want to see you

suddenly, hoseok felt guilty again while singing this part, he shouldn't let you go from his arms that morning, he should've faked being sick, or anything he could just for you to be home and live a little more

You’ve given me so much I still have more to give you back We can’t stop like this If I have one more chance

he wanted to do all he could for you, but you wouldn't be there to see it, and he would never be able to give back all the love and support you gave him, so he was doing his best to be happy for you even tho he's broken, he needed to be strong for his daughter

You left me and I’m the only one here I call you but there’s no answer, what else can I do? The shining flash, yeah Now I can be your destiny Like I’m your everything? If you’re in my arms, I won’t let you go The flash will be shining on us I’m waiting for the day you smile again

he felt the tears teasing his eyes again, but he held them back this time, ending the song with a smile, playing with the baby in his arms, hearing eunbi's loud laugh, filling his heart with some joy, finally, and he truly smiled, laughing with her

"y/n, i love you! thank you for giving me everything!" was the last thing he shouted before ending the concert

even when you're not there anymore, he felt as if he was being the most loved man in the earth by you and your daughter

[lochsides]

If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power Review

Where do I even begin with 'If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power'? It is such a good album, it's almost criminal. If I had to pick the best album to be released this year, IICHLIWP would be it. Halsey has always been an excellent songwriter, that was never even in question, but it has been proved once again, in case anyone wasn't paying attention. IICHLIWP is an album that covers so much depth in sound and in lyric. The dichotomy of the Madonna and the Whore, as they said in their announcement of the album, is an overarching theme of IICHLIWP and it is articulated so consummately. The references to pregnancies and childbirth are more subtle than I expected but that's what makes them so genius. This is an album where every lyric is intentional.

My favourite songs are ‘The Tradition’, 'Bells in Santa Fe', '1121' and 'Ya'aburnee'. More detailed thoughts on each track are below the cut. Trigger warnings for sexual assault and miscarriages.

The Tradition — This is the first song on the album and Halsey had already fucked me up so there's that. I got full-body chills listening to 'The Tradition'. The production is masterful. There is this darkness that settles in early and ebbs and flows beautifully, not only throughout the song but the album as a whole. 'The Tradition' already sets up so many of themes of this album, but what a way to talk about sexual assault. I am in love with the entire chorus line but I think my favourite lyric is ‘she got the life she wanted but now all she does is cry.’

Bells in Santa Fe — The transition from 'The Tradition' into 'Bells in Santa Fe' was so smooth I didn't even notice that the songs had changed until I looked at my screen. I don't think I could actually describe how much I adore this song if I took up the rest of my life doing so. The production is absolutely God-tier. Everything from the way it keeps building throughout the song to the percussion to the piano on the second chorus and the distortion towards the end is so perfectly done. You will never hear me rave about production this much. What a fucking song! On top of all that, you have the lyrics that are so powerful. When they said 'cause who the fuck would chose this?' it reminded me of my favourite Manicsong, 'Forever... is a long' where they sing 'how could somebody ever love me?' so that stood out to me. I love the cadence on 'secondhand thread in a secondhand bed with a second man's head' but the lyric 'better off dead so I reckon I'm headed to Hell instead' is probably the one that hits the hardest. My escapist, runaway tendencies felt very exposed by the entirety of the pre-chorus.

Easier than Lying — The way she emotes on ‘you lair, you don’t love me’ is fucking everything. I needed to start with that. It’s my favourite aspect of the whole song. And then there is that obvious callback in the bridge. ‘Easier than Lying’ is the punk sound we were promised of IICHLIWP and they delivered. The Grungy electric guitar, the bass, the production!!! This one goes hard and it makes no apologies of it’s anger.

Lilith — ‘I’m disruptive, I’ve been corrupted, and by now I don’t need a fucking introduction.’ I mean what could I possibly say after that??! Honestly, I love the duality of how this line could be about Halsey but it could also be about Lilith, herself. There is a selfishness to 'Lilith' that I love. When you connect that to the mythology of Lilith preying on pregnant women and the context of this album — it's just got so many layers. Halsey's mind!! I love the sound of this song. The production has a classic rock flare to it. Those drums are so clean and the bass accompanies it perfectly. The smoothness of their vocal on this track is very pleasing to listen to.

Girl is a Gun — I'm not going to lie, this song isn't for me. I get it. The message is right up my street but the overall sound of it just isn't what I personally like. I do love their little laugh at the start! The lyric 'it's a shot in the dark, I'm not a walk in the park, I come loaded with the safety switched off' is my favourite.

You asked for this — This song is really interesting because they gave us a pop punk sound, pushed it to the back of the track, really grungey guitar riffs and all, but their voice is so light and delicate almost, very airy in a way that stands apart from the backing track. I really like it. To me, it's like an emphasis of the message of 'You asked for this'. Young women are oftentimes forced to grow up too soon and 'be a big girl.' Society forgets, I would even say purposely overlooks, that they are 'still somebody's daughter,' one of the few things that is used to give value to a woman. We've all heard people throw the phrase "but what if it was your daughter/sister?" into the conversation when discussing women that have somehow been abused by the patriarchy. 'You asked for this' also calls attention to how when we're younger, all we want is to be grown up but how unaware we can be of what it means to be a woman in this world, the trauma that comes with it.

Darling — The guitar in this song and it’s almost-country sound are what sets this song apart from the rest of the album. ‘Darling’ is a lullaby for their child, but it tells a story of their struggles. It is honest in a way that feels private. Motherhood sounds so good on them!! This song is just a collection of things I love in music. 'Darling' is soothing and it sounds like comfort, in both melody and lyric. 'Foolish men have tried but only you have shown me how to love being alive' is perhaps the softest lyric on the whole album.

1121 — I expelled a heavy sigh when I heard ‘1121’ it absolutely took my breath away*.* This song is a truly moving ode to an unborn child. So many people talk about how they had never known what unconditional love really meant until they had a child. Halsey tells it as such: ‘you could have my heart and I would break it for you.’ I love their vocal styling on this song so much, going between their lower register and those beautiful falsettos in the chorus. The overlapping on the bridge of ‘please don’t leave, don’t leave me in the shape you left me’ and ‘I’m running out of time to tell you, I’m running out of things that I regret’ and ‘you’d never, you told me’ really capture all the wide array of emotions felt by pregnant person upon finding out they are pregnant when they’ve dealt with miscarriage. Her voice emotes the fear of losing another child, the regret of the ones she's already lost, the promise, almost desperate, of the opportunity they have right now. All of these feelings are brought to life further by the production of the song. There is so much depth in '1121'.

honey — Pop punk wlw anthem check. Halsey suits this sound so much. This track, the production, the instrumentation, all of it catered to their voice so perfectly. The sound is so refreshing and yet so classic. I adore the melody. It’s unsuspectingly catchy. I wonder if there are links to ‘Lilith’ with ‘she’s mean and she’s mine’ or if I’m just reaching. Either way, a song about a love that is a little chaotic and wild, sign me up!

Whispers — Whispering on a song called 'Whispers' might be obvious but I'm a basic bitch so leave me alone, I loved it. Lyrically, 'Whispers' was the song that I saw myself in the most. When she said 'camouflage so I can feed the lie that I'm composed,' I just felt far too exposed for comfort. Same thing with 'I do not know me.' And that's what art is supposed to do. The instrumental is haunting and dark. The way they create tension by adding in one instrument at a time. The production is amazing. Top 5 shit right here!

I am not a woman, I'm a god — Not only does this song have the catchiest hook, it’s literally ‘I am not a woman, I’m a god. I am not a martyr, I’m a problem. I am not a legend, I’m a fraud so keep your heart ‘cause I already got one.’ That hook right there tells you everything you need to know about this song. ‘I am not a woman, I’m a god’ acknowledges that one needs not be a woman to create life. They are claiming power to their gender identity through relation to Godliness. Even in the other lyrics, they talk about being ‘a different human in a new place’ or ‘a better human with a new name’ (this line in particular draws direct parallels to trans experiences). Both times, they specifically use ‘human.’ The production of this song is designed to be a single. It’s got the signature darkness of this album, tells the listener where Halsey is at sonically, and it’s a total banger.

The Lighthouse — The way this song just comes in swinging right away with the distortion and the heavy guitars is exactly what I expected from this album going into it for the first time. Very modern punk rock. And the lyric doesn't pull any punches either. 'From a tender age I was cursed with rage,' like c'mon!! I love the melody and her vocal inflations throughout the song. This is the longest song on the album but it doesn't drag. The change up right before the outro really helps with that. I find that outro so interesting. The contrast between the instrumental constantly building but their voices staying so far in the back on the track creates so much tension that is relieved in the best way possible with 'Ya'aburnee'.

Ya'aburnee — ‘Ya’aburnee’ is the perfect conclusion to this album. Halsey said in their Apple Music interview that IICHLIWP is about the power to choose and by the end of the album you realise that they choose love. This song perfectly embodies that. It’s familial. The entire chorus talks of seeing yourself in your kin and the circle of life. The second verse is a clear love letter to their partner and it makes me emotional, knowing their romantic history as we do, to hear them sing ‘wrap me in a wedding ring.’ I love how the lyric ‘you will bury me before I bury you��� is not only a statement of their hopes that they don’t have to live in a world without their loved ones, a statement of how parents should never have to bury their children, but it almost sounds like a protective promise that they will do anything to ensure their loved ones are kept from harm so as not to need burial. The softness of the instrumental on ‘Ya’aburnee’ is feels like unwinding from the rest of the record. It’s such a beautiful song.

[fuckcanontbh]

confessions in plain sight *stozier*

So this is for @ceftali in @stoziersecretsanta gift exchange! Sorry if this is late for you, but it is officially two hours into Christmas for me! This is my first time writing these characters so I apologize for any OOC-ness that happens. This is also my first contribution to the fandom, I hope you enjoy!

Note: bold lettering is Richie’s handwriting, words in [brackets] are actual song lyrics. Does contain swearing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun beat down on the group, water dripped from their hair, and despite everything huge smiles were on everyone's faces as Mike told a story from the farm. Today was the first day of summer, so all of their backpacks crowded the space as well. Soon enough the group would be dry enough to get dressed and hang out in the club house until dinner time. 

"Look, all I'm saying is that half of the problems in horror movies could be fixed if the characters weren't such idiots. I mean, really? If you see the murderer, why would you scream so he sees you?" Eddie's voice was the only noise as the group headed down into the club house.  "Y-yeah. But you have to t-th-think that it's for dramatic e-effect. The character's can't always have a s-s-satis-satisfying ending." The group's leader argued further with Eddie, the two of them continuing their debate in a corner of the clubhouse. 

"You're actually going to be starting school with us next year, Mike? Maybe now you'll actually believe us on how crazy school can be! All the stories we've told you about Richie and Bev are true, and Richie told me he's got some crazy stuff planned for our senior year!" Ben's excited voice came from another side of the clubhouse, Mike and Bev sitting in front of him on bean bags the group had added when winter made the ground too cold and hard to sit on comfortably. Stan watched all of this happen and then his eyes fell on Richie, who was unusually quiet as he sat in the hammock, reaching into his bookbag for something. "What are you looking for?" Richie jumped at Stan's voice, but quickly pulled a comic out of his bag. "Nothing but the newest X-Men comic, Stanny my boy, you'll never believe the kind of shit Storm cooks up this time!" Stan peered down at Richie, but the boy's grin seemed genuine so he shrugged and sat down, looking over Richie's shoulder. ~ "Alright, we'll see you tomorrow! Meeting at my house at four, right?" Beverly had already made her way up the ladder, but Ben was still waiting for an answer from Richie and Stan. "Haystack, you know I'll be there. Can't let your mom miss me too much!" Stan's hand reached out to smack Richie before he could stop it. "Tell everyone Richie has been uninvited." Ben simply laughed at their antics and shook his head as he climbed out into the little bit of sunlight left. 

"We should probably head out soon, did you want to come over for dinner?" The blonde stood and brushed imaginary dust off his shirt and khakis. "Uh, hell yeah! Mrs. Uris makes the best food around here! Don't tell Ben I said that, his mom's cookies are good as hell." "Yeah, yeah. C'mon Trashmouth, I think mom is making meatballs and spaghetti squash." ~ Stan's house had been Richie Tozier free for about thirty minutes when Stan noticed Richie had left his bookbag next to his bed in his haste for dinner. The zipper was mostly undone and everything was one trip away from being all over Stan's floor. The boy rolled his eyes and bent down to zip it up when a small notebook caught his eyes. The book itself was simple on the outside, but it looked like a bunch of random things were also stuck into the book, making it thicker than it needed to be. It also looked like it was almost full, a slim part of the back of the notebook was still flat. 

"Just leave it alone, Stan, it's none of your business." The boy brushed his teeth and put on his matching blue and white striped pajamas before climbing into bed. Minutes seemed to drag on forever before Stan stopped fighting himself and turned on his lamp before he grabbed the notebook. "It's probably just some dumb jokes Richie's thought of...or maybe some songs he's working on?" ~ 'Science HW due Thurs 28th' 'hang out after school @ quarry' '[Somewhere I'd never ever known, right at the back of my head, it hit me like a flashlight lighthouse beam of light]' ~ "Seems like it's just somewhere for him to put all his thoughts. Wonder who the song's about..." With the idea that the book was just a glance at Richie's mind as it worked a mile a minute, Stan continued reading. ~ 'Bev is the best!! girl offered me smokes even after i had to convince her skipping mrs. hepburns class was a good idea.' 'FUCK BOWERS' 'Math HW due Tues 4th' '[Cause you talk to me and it goes over my head...]' 'operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams walk her to class!! maybe walk her home sometimes? don't offer too much help bc bev hates that! write more of his sappy poems' 'gotta stop with the your mom jokes, not funny anymore' 'why is history so boring? REMINDER: ask ben to explain' 'start saving money-no more big spending at the arcade' ~ Stan scoffed at the thought of the curly haired boy giving up his favorite past time. "What's he even need to save money for anyway? He's already gotten that truck of his." ~ 'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, wed, fri' 'do i have an "it" factor? don't wanna miss out on making my mark on the world.' 'i don't even think he knows he does it. soft little smile on his face when he gets to a difficult problem, who does he think he is???' 'ma and dad fought all last night again. big bill asked what was up but i didn't want to talk about it. comedy is a good distraction' 'work @ 12-9 sat, sun and @ 5-12 mon, tues, wed, fri' 'glad i saved up some money, had to buy groceries again. ma's getting real bad again. haven't seen dad in a few days.' 'can't believe i got lucky enough to have such good friends. billy invited us all over for a horror movie marathon, ben and bev were put in charge of snacks. seems operation: get haystack the girl of his dreams is in motion. good for him! now if only i could get bill, mike, eddie, and stan lovers...' '[you've been on my mind boy girl since the flood]' 'ma passed out on the couch last night, guess it's a good thing i'm a lot bigger now. carried her to bed then went for a drive.' 'i swear he gets prettier the more i look at him' 'haystack just told me he scored a date!!!' 'HW due wed 18th' 'dad came home last night. got a good earful from him. maybe i should just stop talking? not like i got the nickname 'trashmouth' for something good. wonder if anyone would even notice' 'taught myself how to make chicken alfredo, actually got ma to eat with me.' 'i think i'm gonna tell him' 'nope. not gonna tell him. there's no way it would end good. out of all of our friends he's the least likely to want me' 'they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. but then it's 2 am and all you can think about is him, and you know he isn't thinking about you' ~ Stan snapped the book shut and quickly shoved it back into Richie's bag, thoughts flooding his mind. "Who is this boy Richie is crushing on? Is it Eddie? Eddie does yell at him a lot...and they have a bunch of classes together." "I didn't know things had gotten so bad at home. Mrs. Tozier used to be a saint.." "Is Richie okay?" He couldn't pin point why, but as  he clicked his lamp off, Stan's chest hurt, but before a tear could escape his eyes he rolled over and pulled his covers up to his chin. ~ "Hey Rich, you left this at my house last night." Stan held the bag in-between them, his eyes refusing to meet Richie's, his chest still tight like the night before. "Stan the Man! My savior, got some important goods in here!" The blonde's eyebrows raised, finally looking at Richie's face just for the boy to look away quickly. "Can't lose my comic so soon now can I?"

"My mom made cookies!!" Ben walked into the living room,  plate piled with chocolate chip cookies in his hands. "Ben Handsome, you are nothing if not the son of a saint, if you know what I mean." Richie dived for the plate, one cookie already in his mouth and three in his hands. 

"Beep, beep, Richie!" Eddie scoffed and bumped the boy's shoulder, taking one cookie from Ben's plate. Stan watched as Richie's shoulders deflated, and the brunet ate his second cookie much slower. Before he could say anything Mike and Beverly's voices took everyone's attention towards the TV. 

"We're not doing more horror movies, we did that like two weeks ago!" Beverly was swatting at the movies in Mike's hands, trying to reach across him to put her VHS into the VCR player. "She's not w-wr-wrong Mike. Let's just do the Disney marathon." At Bill's words Mike sighed and gave in, backing away from the TV so suddenly that Beverly fell forward slightly. 

"Did you see that foul play my good man? Foul play I say!" Richie nudged Bill just to be shrugged off as the boy grabbed a cookie and moved to sit on the couch. ~ "I think I'm gonna go ahead and head home you guys. I'm getting one of those notorious Tozier headaches." Richie stood behind the couch as the credits to Bambi played, bookbag slung over his shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, bye Richie." "See ya, Trashmouth." "I think I'm gonna head out too, gotta help my mom clean up a bit before my aunt stays with us." "Dang, bye Stan." "Have fun with that Stan!" ~ "Hey Rich, think you can give me a ride?" The boy nodded and started his truck, hurriedly throwing a couple things behind the bench seat of his truck. 

"Only the best for a prince, amiright?" If Stan didn't know better he'd say Richie's ears had gone a little pink. His truck started and he pulled out of Ben's driveway onto the road. 

"Are you actually getting a headache Richie? Cause if not, I wanna talk.." His hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter but Richie put on a smile and glanced at Stan.

"Always knew you could see through me. Don't know if we can have this conversation without your mother though, she wanted to be the one to break the news."

"Oh shut up asshole." Despite his words Stan felt himself smiling as Richie snickered. 

"I just want to say I'm sorry first. Because I shouldn't have pried. But I thought it was just gonna be stupid stuff. Maybe some black mail material."

"Wait, you read my fucking journal? Stanley that's fucked dude! I would never do that to you. I can't believe you went through my bag. Guess straight cut Stan isn't as honest a man as I thought. Dude, what is your problem?"

A red light had stopped them, and Richie was able to look at Stan in the eye now, his brown eyes angry, but also coming off as slightly panicked. 

"Look, I really didn't mean to get into your heavy shit. I thought it was just gonna be full of those little doodles you do in class and some new song lyrics. I didn't read too much of it Just a couple pages, maybe three tops! It's just got me worried about you."

"What did you read Stanley? Worried I'm sick? I can't really say I'm surprised." Brown eyes rolled and he clicked his tongue as he pulled forward.

"Sick? What- no. I'm worried about your mom and dad." 

"You know that's none of your fucking business. We're just fine at the Tozier residence. Nothing has changed, Went works all the time and Ma takes care of the house. Don't start talking like you know anything about them. Get out of my car, Uris."

"Rich-"

"No, I said I'd give you a ride home, and here we are. The Uris residence. Go help your mom clean up and figure out how to stay out of other people's business."

Stan sighed and hung his head as he got out of the truck, only turning his head towards the street when Richie sped off, a cloud of smoke following him. ~ "Beverly, I really messed up the other day." "Sweetheart, Richie is known for the theatrics, don't let it get you down." "Yeah, Stan, that boy is like a rubber ball, he'll bounce back."

A shaky hand worked it's way through blonde curls, brown eyes bounced around the room, landing on Bev sitting in the window smoking, the radio sitting next to her turned down quiet enough for them to talk over, and Mike sitting criss cross on the bed. 

"Stan, what even happened? I have never seen you this worried over some little fight with Richie."

"Look, I know it was wrong, but I accidentally read his very personal journal." Stan cringed as he said the words, already feeling Mike's eyes on him when Beverly whipped her head in his direction.

"How do you accidentally read someone's journal man?" "What did you read Stan?

Mike and Bev spoke at the same time, and Bev's cigarette was out before Stan could explain. 

"Look, he's just got some shit going on at home, and he doesn't want to bother us with it...andIthinkhemighthaveacrushonEddie." "What was that last part?" "I think he mighthaveacrushonEddie." "Stan, breathe sweetheart we aren't gonna yell at you." "I think he might have a crush on Eddie and I'm not sure why I'm upset about it." 

Mike and Bev shared a knowing look over Stan's down tilt head, Bev's eyebrows raised in a silent question that Mike answered with a nod.

"You may be one of the smartest most oblivious person I've met Stanley Uris." "You've had that boy wrapped around your finger since you became friends in second grade." "Guess you just didn't realize he had you around his finger as well."

Mike's words stung at first, but when Beverly pointed out who Richie's crush was, Stan's face lit up like a light. His cheeks dusted with pink as he met their eyes.

"You're being serious. Fuck, now I've really messed up. He thinks I hate him!" ~ "This is such a bad fucking idea. He hates you right now Stan." With a sigh the boy threw the first stone at the second floor window. It took three stones for Richie Tozier to open his window, and only one glance to see Stan before he was retreating again. 

"Wait, Richie! Please, I just want to talk. Can we go for a ride?" Stan watched with bated breath as the shadow at the window hovered another moment before it retreated.

"Called that one."

And then Richie was climbing down the siding of his house.

"Be careful! Why didn't you use the front door dumbass?" All Stan got in response was an eye roll and a thumb pointing to the car in the drive way, Went was home.

"Oh." "Yeah, oh. Let's go. Been itching to go somewhere anyway." ~ The only sound in the truck was the two boys' breathing and a soft static from the radio. Stan swallowed air and watched as they passed the movie theatre. 

"Look, I really am sorry. I just want you to talk to us more. You're acting like some shitty parenting is where we draw the line, have you completely forgotten that fucking clown?"

"I know. Sorry for being a brat the other day. I just don't like people to see that stuff, I have a reputation ya know? Comedian first, dumbass second, and softie never."  Richie turned left, leading to the outskirts of town.

"Yeah, wouldn't want to ruin this perfect "class clown" persona you've got going on."

"Stanley Uris, did you just use air quotes to describe my entire personality to me?"

A chuckle escaped Richie and the truck air suddenly felt much lighter. "You're a lot more than that you know. You're more than some shitty but perfect timed your mom jokes. We keep you around for a lot more than a laugh." "What else am I good at Stan? All I do is mouth off and tell bad jokes." Brown curls came down from Richie's bun as he shook his head, leading the two of them past a sign asking visitors to come back to Derry.

"They may be bad jokes, but they still make us laugh. You're always the first one to put aside time for any of us, all we have to do is ask. And- stop shaking your head. Who took the time when we were all younger to listen to Eddie explain which of his inhalers were for what and how to administer them? Who learned how to cut hair just to help Bev save money and keep it trimmed? Who helped Mike shear the sheep when Spring started just so he could hang out with us sooner? Who practiced endless tongue twister with Bill to help with his stutter? Who did all that? Richie Tozier did. You give us everything and never expect anything back. All I wanna do is give back. God knows you deserve it."

"Hey now, don't bring the big man into this conversation." Despite the levity of what he was saying, Stan could hear the tears on the other boy's voice. 

"I didn't mean to make you cry. You just have such a big heart, and I think sometimes you don't know what to do with it...I saw the notes about a boy. You know we wouldn't judge you for that! Shit, none of us batted an eye when Big Bill came out as bisexual, so why would we care. You deserve to be happy, Rich. I just want you to be happy." 

The more he spoke, the quieter Stan's voice became and the louder his blood rushed in his ears. Silence enveloped the truck again, and soon the tires came to a stop over a patch of grass. 

"Did you mean all of that?"

Richie Tozier was not a small boy anymore, he was all long limbs of 6'2, and had developed a jawline sharp enough to cut a man, but right now, in the dim light of his dashboard, swallowed by a grey hoodie and hunched over, Richie Tozier reminded Stan of that scared boy in the sewers. 

"Every last word. And I think you should know that a little birdie told me that I might be the inspiration for some of those lovely lyrics in your book..." Glasses nearly flew off Richie's face with how quickly he shot his head up, worried brown eyes magnified by the lenses. 

"Bev, that bitch."

"I wouldn't say that quite yet. She pointed something else out to me too. She said I've had you wrapped around my finger since we met in second grade, but she also said that you've had me wrapped around your finger for a while now too. And I've got to say, she's right. Can't believe she knows me better than both of us. But yeah, Rich, you've had me wrapped around your finger since you told my mom at age six that she had better get used to you because you'd be around for a while."

Richie put the truck in park, unbuckled and shifted to be more in the middle of the truck, and the yellow of the radio highlighted the pink on his cheeks perfectly. "Stan...I don't really know what to say. Still can't believe she ratted me out like that." 

"Say you're gonna let us in more. Say she was right. Say you want to give this a shot.”

"I want to give this a shot. I'm pretty sure I've been in love with you since we were twelve." A warm hand gently took Stan's as he spoke, squeezing gently before he scooted just a bit closer. 

"Slow down there Tozier, I've only just opened my eyes to the fact that you might be it for me, let me catch up before we start tossing the L word around. Buy me dinner first at least."

A genuine chuckle and Richie moved back to his seat, his hand still in Stan's. "How bout a late dinner at-", brown eyes glanced at the clock,"-nearly one a.m?" "Lead the way, Tozier. I'll be right with you."

[crazed-rambling]

What The Water Takes It Returns

Morgan didn’t go down to The Beach. Not the sandy beach four miles down, with its soft breeze and softer tides lapping at your feet. Their days were filled with running through the shallows shoes in hand whenever they could convince their mother to take a detour home from school. Even now; without mother, they’d still spend summer days sitting on the sands. But still Morgan never went down to The Beach.

 Though only a few minutes’ walk from their house it had never been a place for summer days. Pounded by the winds on the best of days and lost to the North Sea on the worst, mother had never trusted the tides enough to let Morgan and Thomas loose. Despite all the treasures the other kids had brought back; the most beautiful shells, iridescent in the sunlight that when you put to your ear, no matter where you were you could always hear the call of the sea. Thomas had brought back one of these shells once, and a broken leg. A bet with the other boys gone wrong he said, but he like all the others seems almost covetous of his prize and he’d never answer any of their questions.

 Of course, Morgan had seen The Beach, they’d peered down from the cliff many times, braced against the winds, watching as the waves broke and crashed upon the shore. But they never went down, never gone further than the trees where the grass gave way and the track clung to the rock faces as it plunged down towards the shore. They’d always been a good child, too afraid of disappointing mother again and too distracted by the warmer drier adventures to be found within the fields between Village and the old lighthouse. It had always seemed to be a lonely figure standing alone on the cliffs, salt winds stripping it of its paint and any company it could have had. Still Morgan liked the lighthouse, it could be seen from their bedroom window, a single light in the darkness, calling out to ships unseen. When they couldn’t sleep and mother was no longer there to comfort them; they’d stare out into the darkness and talk to the lighthouse, it never responded but they appreciated its company all the same.

 The Beach had never held such interest to them and by the time they became aware that breaking the rules would not in fact end the world they had far better things to be worrying about. Such as whether they could get away with wearing the boys uniform or scrounging together enough spare change from the bus to buy a liquid eyeliner; which they then proceeded to apply in thick wobbly lines for months. Both had got them detention at first but they’d got better and soon even Ms Clarke their form tutor was forced to give up on them, and from that point they’d proceeded to wear both with pride just to make their victory clear. 

 But here they were standing at the edge of that path, salt whipping at the gap between their crop top and jeans. The sounds of drunken shouting and The Chainsmokers muffled by the sound of waves. Thomas had called it a last hurrah, the last chance to go wild before they were all out of there, off to university, to drinking, to sex, to lifelong debt. Half the school had decided to cram itself into their living room, borrowed speakers wedged on either side of the fireplace, cider bottles among school photos and sports trophies. This wasn’t the first time, dad had taken it as a sign that we were recovering normally and was all too willing to leave the house to us on weekends, so long as the police were never called. So, Morgan’s teenage years had been spent working out how much they could drink before it was too much and playing Ring of Fire wedged between Thomas’s friends, trying to make a place for themselves. They were nice enough, especially after a few ciders when everything they said was funny and people stopped forgetting why Morgan was a little odd, but still they were no Farah. Not that they’d put Farah through this, the music was too loud and the space far too small for anyone who didn’t drink. But still there was something to be said about drinking with people who knew far too many of your embarrassing stories before you’d even been introduced, like gaining six older brothers and a sister in the form of Anna, their brother’s girlfriend and the most embarrassing crush of 2016. Although Morgan could have done without the rest of their year, it seems they agreed since they’d left the house to the party goers and decided to go see the ‘cool-ass beach where I broke my leg’ at Thomas’s endorsement. They’d lost Julian to a rock that he swore looked like a squirrel and Jack and Ben to the chippy along the way but here they were. Thomas leading the way, illuminating the path with his phone and yelling warnings about not dying back at the rest: elder brothers gave the most helpful advice. 

 Maybe it was the cider making them think of things which would have normally been inane but Morgan hadn’t realised that they’d never seen The Beach properly before this moment. A realisation which, to their drunk mind, made taking the first step seem all the more ominous. As though once their foot touched The Beach, they could never go back to a person who had never been to The Beach. 

 “Hey Morgan, you coming?” even drunk, Anna’s voice seemed to float up them, light and lyrical in a way no one else seemed to notice.

“You being a pussy, Morgan?”

Drunk laughter.

Decision made. 

Sending a quick apology to mother Morgan made their way down the path, between the rocks, feet striking the ground with slightly more force than necessary, their yell of “Fuck off Thomas” lost to the night. they picked their way around damp rocks, careful to test every step and clinging close to the rock face, following the sound of voices until it gave way to the sound of boots on shingle. 

The wind was so much stronger on the beach, the smell of salt on the air so thick you could taste it on your tongue. The music had faded; drowned by the rhythmic crashing of the waves and Thomas’s dramatic re-enactment of how he once saved a dog on a beach, an epic that seemed to get more thrilling with each retelling; maybe by the time he told his kids there’d be a sea monster to fight. Morgan hoped so, it’s not a very interesting story otherwise. But apparently interesting enough for the drunk teenagers hanging off his every word, faces illuminated by harsh LED light.

 You can see the lighthouse from here, makes sense if you think about it ships could see it for miles. It still looked lonely to Morgan, standing there alone on the cliff tops, it’s black figure only visible from the lack of stars. They couldn’t really judge though, they were also standing alone by the sea, they weren’t even saving ships. Some direction was better than none and the lighthouse was as good as any so they made that their North Star walking away from the others until all they could hear was the pebbles beneath their feet and the waves.

 Now that they were actually on The Beach, they weren’t quite sure what there was to do, the whole thing was pretty anticlimactic and they mused that they should probably stop thinking of it as The Beach now that they’d actually visited. The shine of glass washed up on the shore caught their eye and brought their brothers prized shell to mind, the way it glinted in the sun greens, blues and purples fading into one another in a way that reminded them of pictures of the northern lights. They’d never seen shells like it from any other beach and no one ever seemed willing to part with them no matter how many they collected. Disappointment forgotten they kept their eyes trained on the pebbles beneath their feet, eyes squinted in search of a reflection among the grey. The wind seemed to be sobering everyone up, making The Beach a lot less interesting and a lot more damp if the sounds of Thomas and his friends making their way up the path yelling promises to see them at the house were anything to go by. Between finally having one of those shells or another round of cheap vodka shots Morgan’s decision was easy, they had years to give themselves alcohol poisoning. Although the beach seemed all that much darker for the lack of others, the waves ceased catching the moonlight and stones seeming all the duller now alone. Shell hunting was probably designed for the day time when not exposing your stomach to arctic winds and with Farah by your side. The chills down their back and salt on their tongue had just about driven them from the beach when they finally saw it. A glint of brightness between the pebbles. A shell. Finally. They could place it on their windowsill and watch its colours dance in the sunlight, they didn’t know why they wanted it so badly now, maybe it was just a dislike of failure, but they wanted it. In that moment more than anything else. Their pace picked up as they approached the shore, hairs raised on their exposed arms, the sound of pebbles slipping beneath their feet, eyes on the sliver of white as though they’d lose it if they blinked.

 With a decided crunch they landed on their knees, grateful for the denim to protect them the sharp edges of broken shells and rocks. As they moved the nearby stones out of the way it became clearer that this would be larger than any shell they’d seen so far, although paler than the rest as well. Once they’d suitable located their prize they struggled to find a grip on its surface, worn smooth by the salt and sea. The dull pain of knuckles scraping against rocks did nothing to deter them as they wiggled their prize free. And soon the sound of sliding rocks to be heard as the ground gave way.  The warm sense of satisfaction in their chest Morgan turned it around to examine their prize. The sound of it colliding with the shingle deafening, drowning out the waves and wind as they stared at their discovery, fingers numb and breathe shallow.

  Not a shell but a cracked skull, washed up upon the shore.

[cherry-interlude]

Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey Lyric Breakdown

Requested by person

You took my sadness out of context

Lana said how the song was about being told by someone she cared about that they had a connection through sadness, but she wasn’t feeling that way emotionally, so she became the person who would bring hope

At the Mariners Apartment Complex

I ain't no candle in the wind

Lana sings that instead of vulnerability, she is a strong person and won’t be struggling against the “wind”, which could rid of the flame in this lyric

I'm the board, the lightning, the thunder

Lana is a person who is powerful, as lightning, but also is able to make her own sound and speak loudly with her opinions much like thunder, which shows she is stronger and brighter than a small fire which wouldn’t cope against the storm which would destroy it, as Lana is the storm personified

Kind of girl who's gonna make you wonder

Who you are and who you've been

Lana is able to make people think of ‘who they are’ and ‘who they’ve been’ as Lana often is speaking of herself as a person and is thoughtful in that sense, so Lana can make you being to understand yourself in the same introspection

And who I've been is with you on these beaches

Lana sings of being the person she has been on these “beaches”, which is a place she has a connection with, and Lana has often sung of being herself - rather than the celebrity - in High By The Beach and 13 Beaches, so Lana doesn’t have any false parts of her in the duration for this song

Your Venice bitch, your die-hard, your weakness

Lana references the album’s track Venice Bitch, which puts these songs together and may mean that both are about the same experience; Lana is also being the person she is, which is this person’s “die-hard” and “weakness”, which defines her as being their’s (later referenced lyrically) and also someone who is going to be there for people

Maybe I could save you from your sins

Lana knows what it’s like to be the person who is damaged yet she is now stronger, and wants to “save” this person from being impure in their behaviours (which Lana has referenced herself being in her own music) as well as helping them with things like addiction, since Lana had addiction to alcohol and also allegedly did drugs, or depressing emotion

So, kiss the sky and whisper to Jesus

Lana is a person who wants to embrace religion, so she ‘kisses the sky’ and tries to speak to “Jesus”, most likely in personal prayer, as Lana ‘whispers’ instead of speaking loudly, and sings that this person should do the same, and try to find their own religion like Lana

My, my, my, you found this, you need this

Lana knows that since this person is damaged they need her to help them become guided to bettering themselves, and she also soothingly sings that they are needing help because they are clearly damaged as stated previously

Take a deep breath, baby, let me in

You lose your way, just take my hand

Lana metaphorically is the guidance, by singing that this person should ‘take her hand’ and follow her when they’re lost, so she can lead them to a better mental state and better health

You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again

Lana previously made references to nautical themes, so Lana uses the metaphor close to her of being lost in the water to sing of how she will become guidance, which also shows how the water can be a place of safety, nature and freedom which is how Lana likes it rather than confusing or lonely

Don't look too far, right where you are, that's where I am

Lana is in the water herself rather but she isn’t “lost”, as instead she’s where she wanted to be and though this person finds it frightening they are in the right place, particularly as they were trying too hard to find what will help but Lana is the help

I'm your man

I'm your man

Lana references the song of Leonard Cohen

They mistook my kindness for weakness

I fucked up, I know that, but Jesus

Lana frequently made the mistakes of her past, whether it being what she has said previously or her own portrayal, which Lana is aware of and has overcome, leading her to still be confused that there is still a sense of being attacked or reminded of those parts of Lana

Can't a girl just do the best she can?

Lana has always tried to do her best, especially when dealing with her own issues in the past, which showed in her music which was often disliked for glamorising depression, suicide and different themed abuse

Catch a wave and take in the sweetness

Lana references the idea of ‘catching a wave’ and sailing, which Lana does metaphorically in this track as she sings of her own experiences and how she is hopeful, and feels it’s ‘sweet’ to be on this either literal boat or metaphorical journey

Think about it, the darkness, the deepness

All the things that make me who I am

Lana is often a ‘dark’ person who sings of depression, sadness or abuse, yet she embraces this rather than only portraying the more pleasant side of herself, which she has done in the previous album yet kept the less pleasant side within it, staying true to who she is, as well as the ‘deep’ thoughts Lana has as she thinks about life, herself and the globe, showing Lana knows that these less-embraced (by the world) parts of herself are a big part of who she is and she doesn’t belittle them

And who I am is a big-time believer

That people can change, that you don't have to leave her

Lana has become a different person, as she showed in the album Lust For Life, particularly on the latter tracks, going from being depressed in her first few albums to more pleasant, and though she may have once thought people should leave her, she knows she can become a better person, so Lana says that this person doesn’t have to leave Lana as there is always the difference that could make life pleasant

When everyone's talking, you can make a stand

Lana sings of being able to keep being who you are despite the criticism it could receive, so to speak your mind about your beliefs should not be threatened by people

'Cause even in the dark, I feel your resistance

Lana can tell that although this person is in a dark place, they are still resistant to the people referenced in the previous lyric but also to becoming vulnerable and unable to push past difficulties, so Lana knows this person is strong despite the emotions Lana previously endured

You can see my heart burning in the distance

Lana is like a lighthouse, guiding the boat with her “heart” and bringing this person to safety with hope

Baby, baby, baby, I'm your man (yeah)

CHORUS

Catch a wave and take in the sweetness

Take in the sweetness

You want this, you need this

Are you ready for it?

Lana sings wondering if this person is “ready” to become hopeful and be in the water the way Lana is rather than ignoring the journey that is potentially going to make them pleasant, but she asks in a way that indicates she knows it’s a journey Lana has done before and knows it will be incredible

Are you ready for it?

Are you ready for it?

I like requests

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting To Know...

Runrummer.

Following press acclaim and BBC Introducing support for her debut single 'Good For Nothing,' London singer-songwriter and producer Runrummer drops another new track lifted from her upcoming debut EP Soul Wrinkles (set for release on November 9). 'Penny Drop' was co-produced with Rob Daniels at the Cafe Music Studio (Jon Hopkins, Brian Eno, Imogen Heap) and the dreamy electropop track is on streaming platforms now.

We had a quick chat with the emerging artist about her influences, new single, upcoming EP and more. Read the Q&A below.

Who is Runrummer?

"My real name is Livi Morris. I’m 24 years old and I’m currently based in East London, although I grew up in a town called Bromsgrove on the outskirts of Birmingham. I’m an alt-pop singer, songwriter and producer with a big love of vibey synths. Currently building up to the release of my debut EP Soul Wrinkles.

"Prior to embarking on my solo adventure as an independent artist, I cut my teeth writing lyrics for EDM artists like Showtek and The Chainsmokers back in 2012 when I was only 18. Unfortunately a few bad experiences led me to breakaway from the music industry and focus on university for a while, much to the relief of my mum and dad. Fast forward 4 years later, it wasn’t until I moved down to London and started a normal 9-5 office job that I realised I’d made a huge mistake and decided to get back into music ASAP. Everything you’re now hearing is the result of me having a quarter life crisis in March 2017 and I couldn’t be happier. All my songs are very personal and they all confront different struggles I’ve had with mental health, sexuality and/or sexual identity. I love music because it gives you a platform to tell your story and connect with people and I hope to be able to do that through my songs."

Who or what has the biggest influence on your music and songwriting?

"This is a difficult question - there are so many people and styles which have inspired me over the years! Growing up the biggest inspiration from my Dad was definitely David Bowie. Whenever my mum was out we would listen to all his Bowie records back-to-back. I’m really inspired by anything from the 70s and 80s, and in fact my name Runrummer actually comes from the famous Rum Runner nightclub which helped launch classic 80s bands like Duran Duran and Dexys Midnight Runners back in the day. I grew up with my Dad talking about that place like it was a shining beacon of light on the Brummie music scene, so the name Runrummer is sort of a nod to my Dad and to Birmingham as a whole, and particularly the music that influenced me growing up.

"More recently I’ve been really inspired by other fierce LGBT female artists like King Princess and Hayley Kiyoko. Those girls are absolutely killing it right now, and the message they’re spreading really resonates. When I was younger I was really scared to write or sing songs about girls so candidly, but they’re paving the way and helping to smash those fears for everybody. I saw King Princess the other week at XOYO and I’m seeing Hayley next week at 02 Academy Islington. I honestly couldn’t be more excited. Would love to work with them both one day…I’m keeping my fingers crossed! Would be great to see more UK LGBT female artists reaching a similar level of recognition."

Definitely! You've just released your latest single 'Penny Drop'. What was the inspiration behind this track?

"‘Penny Drop’ tries to capture that feeling when you’re in a relationship and you realise that something’s not quite right. That penny drop moment where suddenly everything makes sense and becomes very clear. The story follows two lovers who realise it’s over, but at different points and in their own separate ways. The coffee shop narrative is an interesting one. Everyone has they’re own place of escapism and the coffee shop tries to be symbolic of that. It’s a place to run away and find calm on a cold rainy evening when all hope is lost. The image in my mind was very much inspired by Edward Hopper’s painting ‘Nighthawks’."

Prior to 'Penny Drop' you released your debut single and video 'Good For Nothing'. What's the story behind this song and it's visuals?

"��Good For Nothing’ is a song about struggling with mental health and the way that struggle can change you as a person, feeling sometimes like you have two identities and a darker side which you can’t control. As a listener I suppose it could sound like I’m talking about a lover, but in reality I’m calling out this darker side of myself. It’s all very self-reflective and inward looking. The way it creeps in is almost like a lover you can’t resist. “You hold my hand, I feel my face is blushing” – that’s this other side of me coming in and taking control and I’m helpless to stop it. Then the chorus is sort of like a descent into blissful madness and we really tired to capture this in the music video.

"The style of the video was inspired by the TV show ‘Black Mirror’ - particularly an episode called ‘White Bear’. Musically the track was very much inspired by another fantastic female artist called Merryn Jeann (you should really check her out!!), her collaborations with Tora and Mome and the electro-chill-vibes coming from YouTube channels like The Sound You Need and La Belle Musique. This is often how I find most new music, just by trawling through YouTube!"

'Good For Nothing' and 'Penny Drop' are both taken from your upcoming debut EP Soul Wrinkles. What can you tell us about the release?

"‘Soul Wrinkles’ was actually the quickest song to write and record. I think it sums up the whole EP quite nicely, which is why I chose it as the lead name and the final track to close. I’ve got all these experiences and stories which have made me into the person I am today, and I see all these things as wrinkles in my soul - they’ve grown with me and I with them. You can’t regret things that have happened in the past because they mould you into the person you are today. You have to embrace all these little things and accept them for what they are, and you must appreciate the people who love you despite all your flaws."

Finally, what's next for Runrummer?

"Lots of exciting things! I’m currently in rehearsals with my band getting ready for our debut performance on November 9 at The Lighthouse in Shoreditch, to celebrate the release of Soul Wrinkles. After this I’m looking to set up a list of tour dates around the UK and I’m keen to get stuck into the festival scene once summer comes back around. I’ve also been busy designing merch and working on some concepts for the next music video. Plus I’ve just got back in the studio to start working on the debut album. I’m excited to say the first song is nearly finished and it’s called 'Toronto.'

‘Penny Drop’ is available now. Soul Wrinkles drops November 9.

[dentalrecordsmusic]

Will Wood Interviews Will Wood

I’m going to be honest: I get a lot of press releases and most of them get thrown in the trash. They are, of course, entirely positive information about the given artist and therefore entirely boring. However, when I got a strange (unnecessarily big) package in the mail containing three (3) pieces of glitter, a very small gentlemen’s hat, and the following interview of Will Wood answering questions from himself, I felt it was important enough to pass along to our readers. 

AN INTERVIEW WITH WILL WOOD

BY WILL WOOD

In this pre-apocalyptic wasteland of whataboutism and Russian disinformation, it can be difficult to pick all the pyrite from the proverbial pan. That’s an idiom now. In the old days, knowledge was banned and burned and buried in temple ruins and conquered libraries. It was suppressed and scarce and it took a hungry mind and a passion for discovery to shine light onto dark ages. The information age is upon us now – and while we can all tap into a bottomless well of knowledge at any time, we are no better off. The light is already so bright, the sound so deafening, that anything you have to show or say is already washed out in the cacophony. We still know nothing, because while we can see so much, we cannot distinguish illumination from illusion.

That’s what attempting to prepare for an interview with Will Wood taught me. Some information checked out, but everywhere I looked I saw misprints, inconsistencies, lies, theatrical exaggeration, errors, and the constant churning of the rumor mill. I read everything from errors in basic information, to full-blown criminal accusations. For instance, one source claimed they had found he had a home in a town called Glen Ridge, when in reality his P.O. Box is in Glen Rock, and his home is in Egg Harbor. Another source said he once kicked a pregnant woman in the stomach at a Renaissance Faire.

I like to think I prepared as well as anyone could have. Which means I prepared quite poorly. So arriving at the beach outside the B.L. England refinery in Egg Harbor New Jersey where Mr. Wood agreed to meet me had me feeling like a dead man walking. He was standing there in a bright green trench coat and aviator sunglasses, holding a steel briefcase. He greeted me with a firm handshake and a slight bow before sitting right down in the sand and lighting a hand-rolled cigarette.

Q: Do you do drugs?

A: I had a really bad trip on a low dose of antipsychotics recently. Don’t drive until you’ve adjusted to a medication. Almost ran over my own car.

Q: What are your thoughts on the affect social media has had on the arts?

A: I’m fairly certain Mark Zuckerberg technically holds the copyright to all of my intellectual property and he’s a demon lizard. But hey, that’s showbiz.

Q: Is it challenging to be openly queer in the music industry?

A: Nobody cared about my feelings until I put on makeup. I’d wear dresses more often but I’m getting paunchy from too many trips to Golden Corral. I never get my money’s worth but I always try. And the harder I try, the less its worth.

Q: So you came here from North Carolina a few years ago, what was it like making that adjustment?

A: I had to lose the accent because people kept asking me if I played country music.

Q: Do you like working out here?

A: You see that lighthouse? It’s actually a cosmetically enhanced sulfur-scrubber. It reeks of eggs for miles. I work out of a back room at Lee’s Food, which also reeks of eggs. Yes it’s a real place. Probably not for long though.

Q: And you like that?

A: Have you ever tried filing your income taxes on a fold-up card table in an 85 degree spare bedroom while eight staff members shout at each other in Mandarin while trying to make Japanese food to serve in a Korean restaurant and your daughter is running in the back door holding the neckbones of a great blue heron asking you to hold on to it while she tried to find the head?

Q: That sounds like a no.

A: I didn’t say that.

Q: What’s it like trying to raise a child? Is it difficult to juggle family life and work life?

A: Mildred is getting old enough to take care of herself. My partner and I skipped most of the ugly years where they’re too stupid to talk or eat on their own and they scream at you to pull your tit out in the middle of Thompkins Square Park. Then again, lots of people in Thompkins square park will do that to you.

Q: Okay. So. Is it difficult to juggle family life and work life?

A: You just asked me that.

Q: Right, but you-

A: We were going to adopt a little boy and name it Oliver but the orphanage thought we were being funny so they shoved a moody tween at us and lost the paperwork. But let’s not talk about Millie. I don’t like her getting attention from press, I’m sure you can see what that’s doing to Jacob Sartorius and that kid from “It.”

Q: Does press attention bother you personally?

A: Look, this is going to sound like some Sean Spicer shit. But a lot of press out there about me is just plain false. For instance, someone quoted me as liking Billy Joel back in 2015. I said a lot of stuff in 2015 I didn’t mean but I have always been a staunch Elton John man. Even though his lyrics are trash. His lyricist’s lyrics, I mean. He should just write his own, his lyrics can’t be any worse than that walking beard’s drivel.

Q: And… so, the inaccurate reporting- does it bother you?

A: Let me put it to you this way. Imagine if someone said that you liked Uptown Girl without your consent.

Q: You seem to be very critical of other musicians, you’ve been quoted repeatedly as saying “I hate music.” What makes you feel this way?

A: When you hate 99% of something, it’s most efficient and pretty effective to just say you hate that thing. A Nazi who gets along well with 1% of Jews is still a Nazi. Most of the world’s music is painfully banal or no fun to listen to.  

Q: What sort of music do you like then?

A: Anything by Green Day. Everyone seems to laugh when I say that but it’s entirely true. Billie Joe Armstrong is my biggest songwriting influence and the world needs to know that.

Q: One of the defining features of mental illness is the manner in which it inhibits “functionality,” but short of suicide as a risk to one’s life its difficult to say if there’s a clearly objective definition of healthy psychoemotional functionality. We can really only work with one’s ability to reconcile their personality with cultural norms, and their own idea as to how comfortable they should feel in their own skin on a regular basis, which is also partially informed through socialization. One can cite psychosis and acute mania as definitive examples of why its necessary to consider various mental and behavioral traits as medical concerns, but its also worth noting that in some cultures throughout history hallucinations and what would appear to be delusional states have been valued and seen as sacred.

Is mental health seen as a medical problem only because social systems with enormous power have designed ways to remove nonconforming or negative natural phenomena through medical intervention, and if so, should we be more distrusting of psychiatry and the ever-changing spectrum of mental health diagnoses? Should we really call them sicknesses?

A: We only see the flu as a medical problem because physical medicine exists. Before the study of pathogens began to arise, it was simply seen and spoken about as a part of nature, and sometimes seen as divine or diabolical intervention – much like the examples of mental illness you gave. All health concerns ultimately amount to levels of social functionality, the individual’s personal experience, their mortality in extreme cases, and the illness’s threat of compromising those things in others. This is everything from cancer to the common cold – the only distinction is that we as a culture identify with our minds in ways we do not our bodies. This is ultimately arbitrary, and a socialized distinction, as the brain is a physical organ, our sensory organs are part of our mind’s subjective experience, and the body is inseparably connected with the brain as one singular organic being.

When one realizes this fully, one could likely start to see that what you are saying is true, but does not challenge the validity of the science itself. It is important to participate in this newer and complicated field of science wisely, and draw your own distinctions between problems that need medical attention and don’t, (only you can tell how much a physical injury hurts) but that does not mean that there cannot objectively be a disease. The importance of considering mental illnesses as diseases and giving diagnoses lies in our ability to communicate and interact with the topic – accurate and mostly agreeable language must be used to classify ideas and phenomenon. It was giving names to certain psychoemotional and behavioral states that first allowed scientists to organize the information necessary to invent life-saving interventions in therapy and medication. Seeing mental well-being as a medical concern the way we see physical well-being is not only accurate, but useful.

Q: Are you getting tired of writing this?

A: Well it’s good character work. World-building.

Q: Is any of what you said true up there?

A: It actually is but since I’ve made up a couple fun little things in interviews or used flowery language in the past a lot of people just assume everything I say is theatrics now. You know?

Q: I guess that makes sense. I’ve made some stuff up in my writing before too, I get it.

A: That wasn’t a question. As a matter of fact, that was an answer so you should be A and I should be Q.

A: That’s stupid. Just because you asked “you know” doesn’t mean we need to switch the only thing that identifies us in the article.

Q: Wait hold up though, my last response was also an answer, so I should still be an A.

A: Wait, so who’s going to be A, and who’s going to be Q?

A: You’re going to be Q now, because you asked who’s going to be Q. You’re the questioner.

Q: Isn’t this going to get confusing?

Q: I’m Q now too because I have to ask you if you have a better idea. Put a question mark on there so I can stay Q, that way people don’t get confused. ? Yeah right there just like that.

A: Why don’t we just use our actual initials, since it’s become less of an interview and more of a conversation? Should I be Q? It’s a response but it’s-

Q: Why didn’t I think of that?

W.W.: Oh, you did think of that.

W.W.: That’s true, I did.

W.W.: You shouldn’t have, it’s as stupid as the switching of Q’s and A’s.

W.W.: That was your idea, so we’re even.

W.W.: First base.

W.W.: THE WILL WOOD AND THE TAPEWORMS THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION IS HAPPENING MAY 25TH AND 26TH WITH A VERY SPECIAL IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCE BY WILL WOOD AT THE VERY PLACE WWATT’S FIRST ALBUM “EVERYTHING IS A LOT” WAS RECORDED! TICKETS TO NIGHT ONE ARE ALMOST GONE AND VIP PACKAGES & TICKETS TO NIGHT TWO ARE LIMITED TO GO TO WWW.WILLWOODANDTHETAPEWORMS.BIGCARTEL.COM NOW AND SEND ME YOUR MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEYVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Purchase tickets here, or buy them at the door at Backroom Studios. 

Catherine Dempsey has no idea how Will Wood got her address. She is scared. You can follow her on Instagram.

[thepricecaulfield]

Spanish Sahara - The meaning behind LiS songs series

I’m starting this little series to view at some songs of Life is Strange and their meanings. Where I have the chance I took the meaning provided by the songwriter/artist and look at the scene it was used in.

We all know that Life is Strange and Before the Storm integarting the songs in a meaningful and special way. The songs are not only there to give us something to listen to, they fullfil a purpose, a mood, an emotional connection to the scenes with their meanings and lyrics.

So my first look will be on Spanish Sahara by Foals. Maybe one of the most impactful songs for many players of Life is Strange. It’s connected to the Sacrifice Chloe ending and it’s meaning intended by the songwriter is deep and sad.

Regarding the meaning of the song Spanish Sahara, Philippakis (One of the writers) said:

It has no real relevance to the real Spanish Sahara, which none of us have been to. It's kind of an imaginary place—somewhere that's quite nightmarish and ravaged. It's like a desolate landscape and the whole song is like, getting over a trauma, but the trauma doesn't go away and it multiplies from one into a bunch of furies, which was kinda to do with the Greek myths of the furies, who would haunt families and generations.

So, where do we stand now with this? Spanish Sahara brings tears in many eyes, connected with the funeral of Chloe, showing Max on the cliffs by the lighthouse at the end. I’m also one who cries when I hear this song.

The true meaning behind this song is about not getting over a trauma, but to empower this trauma, multiply its strength and branching from one into many more.

How does this work out in Life is Strange? What does this mean for our view on the Sacrifice Chloe ending? Will Max ever be able to overcome the past? Or is she just at the edge of her downfall?

Will everything work out? Nathan in jail? Jefferson in jail? Kate save and free of everything? Sean Prescott not tearing down the local industry? Blackwell in a save state? Joyce and David will overcome their loss? What will happen to all the other students?

Questions over questions. In a “perfect” world with perfect outcome all will line up and nothing bad will ever happen after this, Max will grow, all rainbows and unicorns. But we are talking about Life is Strange and the world and life is not perfect.

The meaning of this song and its placement gives me a chill and gives me many questions regarding the outcome and aftermatch of this ending. I have many ideas what could happen, good ones and bad ones.

With this song and it’s original meaning I have more the bad ones in mind actually. That nothing will go well for Max and all the others in the aftermatch of Chloe’s death.

The following is a pure “What if” theory based on some ideas and in the light of this song and some other thoughts - I write these down as a view to consider, not to believe in.

Nathan will get out of jail - the Prescott lawyer’s get him free - Chloe blackmailed and threatened him, he was in self-defense will be their defense. Mr. Jefferson is another card here, he may will be punished, but what if they failed to get a proper warrant for the storm shelter? Jefferson seems the type of person who planed everything ahead so no traces point in his direction. And he has backup by Sean Prescott. So its very likely that he has a way out somehow.

Kate will still suffer under the bullying that happened to her, her aunt and mother will threaten her still, the other students also. The video is still there and she still has to suffer under it. What about Blackwell? Sean Prescott may withdraw all his financial support, so Blackwell has to close down. Students have to go back home, some of them not really happy like Victoria. Her parents are possible the reason why she is the way she is and now she will go back home.

What about Joyce and David? They had financial issues before Chloe’s death, they were 4000$ behind in debts. A funeral is expensive. They will very likely lose their house. David destroyed over the loose of Chloe and that he wasn’t able to make Joyce happy. He suffers already from PTSD and now this? We have seen that he had no remorse to kill Jefferson when we told him that Jefferson killed Chloe. What will become of him? He will very likely fall down further, loose his job - one way or the other - Blackwell closing down or Wells firing him because David wasn’t able to see Jeffersons actions. Joyce and David very likely drift apart.

The Bay? Sean Prescott still has the Bay in grip, more people will loose their jobs and homes, Pan Estates will be finished, more Native American land will be destroyed. The Bay will be the future homes of the riches, like Sean had planed.

And Max? Has she gained enough self-confidence? Or does she need Chloe to further develope it? Chloe enabled Max to gain self-confidence, to grow out of her shell. Without Chloe Max would have been still the anxiety driven shy introverted student she was in the begining of the week. Were these five days enough? I doubt it. She was only able to do everything because of Chloe and because she did it for Chloe.

She lost her best friend, her love, her Yang to her Yin. She has PTSD after this week, she has seen how her best friend died multiple times, she saw how Kate jumped off the roof, saw David dying multiple times, was nearly killed her-self by a psychopath, saw her best friend dying in an alternate timeline (And helped her fullfil her last wish and put her to eternal sleep.) and worse. She will also see all of this above, how everything in life is unfair and will go its way. How Chloe died in the bathroom alone, thinking that the world has abandoned her forever.

I doubt that Max will be okay after this. The song meaning tells me that this is just the begining of her nightmares.

What are your thought on this song and its meaning now?

[wonderalwaysland]

And u know why did I tell that I didn't expect to actually see a dream with u?

So as I've told before I was conflicted. But now I decided to stop sociaizing(except for my friends in insta and relatives) and connect with myself more. Actually I should have done it before. Yesterday I listened to some mantras actually they were relaxing, ig I should listen to some more next time. It helps to relax I've been feeling tense a bit these days. Maybe that's cuz of that guy. But I hope in this period of not talking to him he'll find sb more suitable for him or we'll just stop talking. I hope... or else I'l have to confront him or just ghost(but it's not right ik)

So yesterday I was drawing in sketch book after as it feels like quite a long time. Bit I were drawing in my notebooks at uni actually ahah. But still. And I had this song stuck in my head. I have listened to the original the other day and looked up lyrics under the mv, so I started understanding more words from the song hahah. The original song seems to be more hmmm cheerful? But this version was way more sad. I like it ♡

I finally remembered about Inktober(how could I foget?!l

And so then by the end of my drawing process, I've heard this song

Yeah and from the lyrics u can track my thought process to the dream about u (;

So I was thinking over this whole situation and I knew my true feelings and I also realized I haven't been living in the present moment(yeah it's difficult for me actually) so yeah now I reminded myself about it. I felt that I kinda lost myself.

I think u are like a lighthouse. U keep me reminding of who I am and what I actually like. So u make me improve myself, spurt my growth and inspire me in more ways than one(yeah I like that expression). I don't remember if I've told u yet, but I never expected that I might feel this way. Never thought(as far as I remember) that I'll meet my true love(ig I can call u that? And we haven't met yet actually, but our souls met so it's good too, right? Though it doesn't mean we are 100% sure about that, but tbh in more ways then one it feels like it's more true than the world around me,esp.considering that I daydream a lot haahha, but ig u get what I mean)

So I should not be distracted by other ppl (u know in what sense I mean and in my defense it should be said that I wasn't looking for romance just ppl to talk to and somehow it developed into this kind of internet dating lol it was a funny experience), especially if they make me doubt my life and some other things(it's not his fault ofc, we are just not suitable for each other that's it, I think he's a good fellow).

I wonder what kind of expression will u have while reading this :p I know it's not a laughing matter, but I bet u also dated some girls(I hope u did for some reason)irl actually, unlike me cuz I've never had a bf yet.

Okay, I gotta finish this now

I am riding a car with my godmum, ig u know about her my now. We are kind of having a trip, but she is actually diing her work. I think u resemble her a bit(tho I know u not yet)

P.s.I wanted to say cuz u were both born in September but it's not quite a good reason for such a description. But maybe one day when we meet, I'll understand that more.

[stayfallentasticc]

Hi hELLO. Hope you're having a fantastic day today! and I hope you don't mind me using caPS BECAUSE I LISTENED TO SCARY LOVE BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD AND IT KIND OF REMINDED ME WHAT A NOAH X MC WOULD BE LIKE LMAOAKFHJKADF IDK WHY AND IT MADE ME WANT TO ASK YOU WHAT SONGS REMIND YOU OF THE ILITW CHARACTERS THE MOST? Anyways, I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING AN AWESOME DAY

Hey, anon! Thank you so much, I hope you’re having a lovely day as well! I’m going to bold the ships/characters so it’s easier to navigate and locate people’s favorite ILITW character. I also linked the songs with their titles, so definitely check it out. I feel like this is a playlist….yikes kinda went overboard

Noah:

“The boy who murdered love” by Diana Vickers.

“You’re the boy who murdered loveCold hands and a heart of stoneYou’re the king of pain and hurtYou encourage my desire, then you put the arrow in my back, and I’mShot, shot, shot, shot, shot like a bullet”

I mean just listen to the lyrics. It says everything. Although, this song is more in reference to the guy being a player but we can also agree that Noah, to a certain degree is considered ‘heartless’ and ‘closed off’. The lyrics of him being in pain and hurt, but still reeling all of us to love him definitely suits him A LOT. I’ll be lying if I didn’t say I listen to this song when I make a short story of Noah. Spoiler: he ends up breaking our hearts. 

Dan x MC: 

“In my head” by Peter

“You say it’s all alrightBut you’re not who’s up at nightThis feels like all a lieWhile you tend to try and hideI’ve waited way too longYeah, I know you’ve changed”

We can all agree the traumatic event has caused a toll on everyone, but we can also agree that next to Noah, Dan is most haunted by it. He can’t turn back now. This song gives me a really sad undertone to it. Dan knows things aren’t the same, and he constantly is up at night, pondering on things. Give it or take, one can also use this song for Dan x MC - their friendship/relationship has drifted, but he so badly wants to repair it because MC is his world. Also, guilty of using this song too as inspiration for my own stories. 

“She is Love” by Parachute

“I’ve been beaten down,I’ve been kicked around,But she takes it all for me.And I lost my faith,In my darkest days,But she makes me want to believe.They call her love, love, love, love, love.”

Can we get a round of applause for MC who helped Dan vanquish his demons? I like to think that Dan thinks that MC is his pride and joy. He absolutely adores her for everything she is, everything she will be and everything she has done for him. I mean, just look at the lyrics and tell me not that this song is basically them. 

Ava: 

“Hotter than hell” by Dua Lipa

“He calls me the devilI make him wanna sin Every time I knock, he can’t help but let me inMust be homesick for the realI’m the realest it getsYou probably still adore meWith my hands around your neck.”

I mean Ava is literally everything, lets be honest. I think everyone knows she’s a bit over the edge, dangerous, but that’s the very reason why everyone in the fandom loves her so much. She doesn’t confine to the norms and she makes MC want to do crazy things. 

Andy:

“Gasoline” by Halsey

“Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?Do the people whisper ‘bout you on the train like me?And all the people say“You can’t wake up, this is not a dreamYou’re part of a machine, you are not a human beingWith your face all made up, living on a screenLow on self esteem, so you run on gasoline”

I can’t picture a song that’s ‘calm’ for someone as vibrant as Andy. That boy shines like diamonds. I think this song really captures his failures and his fears and how it constantly runs through his mind. Despite Andy coming off as strong, he also wonders if there’s something wrong with him - he’s low in self esteem. He questions himself a lot. So, he runs, runs until he’s so drained from life. He sometimes feels like he’s putting up a show. Everything is in the tips of his fingers, but how long before they disappear, you know. 

Lucas x MC: 

“BITE” by Troye Sivan

“Don’t you wanna see a man up closeA phoenix in the fire So kiss me on the mouth and set me freeBut please, don’t bite. You can coax the cold right out of me. Drape me in your warmth”

This song captures how MC is Lucas’s means of escape. She can definitely ‘coax’ the cold out of him, make him open up about his problems instead of facing it alone. But as always, Lucas is still scared of what’s to come (let’s be honest who wouldn’t). so he prays he doesn’t get his heart broken in the long run. 

Stacy x MC:

“Girls Like Girls” - Hayley Kiyoko 

“Tell the neighbors I’m not sorry if I’m breaking walls down Building your girl’s second story, ripping all your floors out. Saw your face, heard your name, gotta get with you Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new Isn’t this why we came? Gotta get with you” 

MC has broken Stacy’s walls down. MC obviously is smitten by Stacy and hence wants to get with her. I mean just listen to the song, and tell me it does not scream Stacy and MC (if your MC is a girl) like…..c’mon now. 

Dan x MC x Noah:

“The good side” by Troye

“So many thoughts I wanted to shareBut I didn’t call because it wouldn’t be fairThen I got the good side of newFound arms to fall right intoI know how it looked, it wasn’t the planAnd some day I hope that you’ll understand”

THIS IS THE SONG I’M USING RIGHT NOW TO GET IN MY FEELS. MC got the ‘good side’ and better end of the stick in terms of her and Noah. She just wants Noah to be happy, but she knows he’s still healing - hurting - so she feels conflicted wanting to talk to him but know he’s only going to get more hurt because she’s with Him. She sympathizes with Noah and can relate with him, but she can’t help but falling for Dan. 

“Why did I fall in love with you” by DBSK 

“Why couldn’t I call out to you at all? Every day and night growing emotions. And words overflow. But I realized that they’d never reach you again.” 

This song heavenly influenced my story ‘Lighthouse’. Noah wonders why he fell in love with her. He’s hurting. I’m hurting. Everyone’s hurting. 

Noah x MC:

‘Fixing me’ by Chase Coy

“I’m growing up, I’m working on these flaws of mineI’m letting go of pride and shedding this disguiseI’m facing all the facts, I’m trying to improveI’m cleaning up my act and I’m doing it just for you‘Cause I am broken(I am broken, would you fix me, baby?)But you are perfect(You are perfect, would you fix me, baby?)

And I never thought I could ever be with youAnd I never wanted to change before but now I do‘Cause I am broken and you are perfect” 

MC is fixing Noah. Enough said. MC has helped him in my opinion to get a grip in terms of reality, Noah is broken and MC to him is just darn perfect and he questions how she can ever love him. I like to think that maybe in a different universe, MC is fixing Noah. I may make a fic based off of this song. 

‘Six Feet Under’ by Billie Eilish

“Help, I lost myself againBut I remember youDon’t come back, it won’t end wellBut I wish you’d tell me too”

I actually based off my short story “Home is Six Feet Under” off of this song - the haunting feeling of a lost love. Granted, I don’t think it specifically caters to them individually, but I really think that the aspect of a relationship (platonic or romantic) has fallen apart aligns well with Noah and MC. MC constantly wonders if they can rebuild their relationship, but often questions if it’s already past the brink of repair: the pain and the memories taking a toll on them. Noah loses himself, but all he can remember is MC. 

‘Please Don’t…’ by K.Will 

“I know what you’re going to say, please don’t say itDon’t know why Don’t know whyI want to draw out each minute, each secondBut the empty road rushes me on” 

I used this song inspiration for “If Only” (definitely watch the music video too!). I think the longing aspect of wanting to stay in the moment reminds me a lot of MC x Noah. Noah, constantly, wants to stay in the present - to forget the memories - and just be with MC. MC, however, is already in a relationship and Noah knows he’s too late….but he just doesn’t want to face reality. He torn, and he breaks down. 

“All I want” by Kodaline

“All I want is nothing moreTo hear you knocking at my door‘Cause if I could see your face once moreI could die a happy man, I’m sureWhen you said your last goodbyeI died a little bit insideI lay in tears in bed all nightAlone without you by my sideBut if you loved me, why’d you leave me?”

THIS song hits me in the feels for MC x Noah because honestly, let’s be honest, it captures the essence of lost so much. Noah often reminisces why everyone kinda drifted away from him, especially, MC. If MC loved Noah so much, why she leave him to grieve on his own? Ouch. But he can’t help but want her and she can’t help but want him. I’M CRYING NOW. 

I mean I have a lot more songs….but like…..this ask is getting too long haha. I would love to do a playlist if anyone is interested, but as of right now, these are the top songs I can think of. I haven’t included everyone in ILITW because I don’t have a song that I think connects with them all as much as these songs do with these characters. I’m sorry I ended up doing pairings….

[thewrosper]

Cannes Film Festival flashback: Most memorable editions, from post-WWII beginnings to its 2009 pinnacle

May holds a special place in the calendar of film lovers across the world. It is when the privileged few of them gather at that most hallowed rendezvous on the Croisette for Cannes Film Festival — and it sure is a privilege to discover the best films of the year, before they are coated with all that promotional sheen. Sadly, Cannes 2020, originally scheduled to run from 12-23 May, will not be held in its "original form" this year due to the ongoing coronavirus crisis; but it was announced on Sunday that it will screen an official selection of its films at fall festivals like Venice. Meanwhile, all its parallel sections — Directors' Fortnight, Critics' Week, ACID — have been cancelled. With many other festivals also cancelled, cinemas closed, and productions on hold, the COVID-19 pandemic has paralysed the film industry.  It is unfortunate especially following the success of last year's edition, which proved exactly why Cannes is still considered the barometer of quality in cinema. Some of the most beloved films of 2019 began their journey at the festival: Beanpole, Bacurau, I Lost My Body, Invisible Life, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Pain and Glory, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Lighthouse and, not to mention, the eventually Oscar-winning Parasite. It was truly an exceptional line-up, in terms of scale, variety and substance. Turning back the clock, we time-travel to Cannes film festivals over the years with equally exceptional line-ups. End of a war, birth of a festival Highlights | Beauty and the Beast (Jean Cocteau), Brief Encounter (David Lean), Gaslight (George Cukor), Gilda (Charles Vidor), The Lost Weekend (Billy Wilder), Notorious (Alfred Hitchcock), Rome Open City (Roberto Rossellini)

Proposed as an alternative to Venice Film Festival (then politicised by Mussolini), the first edition of Cannes was initially supposed to be held in 1939. Louis Lumière, the man who gave us cinema, was announced as president. MGM had chartered an ocean liner to bring all the stars from Hollywood. Cary Grant, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., Gary Cooper, James Cagney, Mae West, Norma Shearer, Spencer Tracy, and many more had arrived on the Croisette. Then, Germany invaded Poland and they all had to book return tickets. The world had to wait till the war ended for a taste of what Cannes had to offer — and boy, did they deliver. Alfred Hitchcock got everyone's hearts racing and adrenaline pumping with Notorious. Billy Wilder followed up Double Indemnity with a grim portrait of alcoholism in The Lost Weekend. David Lean served a romantic tearjerker for the ages in Brief Encounter. Italian neorealism began to take shape with Roberto Rossellini's Rome, Open City. Jean Cocteau crafted an anti-Disney treatment of Beauty and the Beast, where the surreal and real, the ugliness and beauty come together in a magic realist concoction. Out of the 44 feature films screened, 11 of them (one from each participating country) were awarded the top prize, Grand Prix (now called Palme d'Or), for reasons of diplomacy. This included India's sole Palme d'Or crown (till now) in Chetan Anand's Neecha Nagar.  However, it was anything but a smooth-running operation. In a comedy of errors, the reels of Hitchcock's Notorious were reversed, screened with the ending reel first, while the projection of George Sydney’s The Three Musketeers was turned upside-down. There was also tension brewing over the beginning of the Cold War. Russia blamed every technical issue on the US; the US cried sabotage over last-minute parties being scheduled at the same time as Hollywood films.  Despite reversed reels and upside-down projections, Cold War scandals and consolation awards, the inaugural edition proved it could only get better. Cannes 1946 helped France regain its status as an economic power in Europe post-WWII, also enhancing its cultural weight over the rest of the world — at least, in terms of cinema.  The glitz and glamour Highlights | Ballad of a Soldier (Grigori Chukhrai), La Dolce Vita (Federico Fellini), L'avventura (Michelangelo Antonioni), The Virgin Spring (Ingmar Bergman), The Young One (Luis Buñuel)

Within a decade, Cannes had set a new precedent for other festivals. Call it a temple of cinema or a glamorous vanity fair, it was beginning to attract the best filmmakers in world cinema. It also became the new locus for the golden age of Italian cinema, as two of its canonical entries, Fellini's La Dolce Vita and Antonioni's L'avventura, were both screened at the festival. Not without controversy of course. La Dolce Vita and L'avventura divided the critics and the public, stirring the deepest admiration and aversion. The former ended up winning the Palme d'Or, the latter the Jury Prize. However, for a large portion of the public, La Dolce Vita was an overlong decadent affair intended to outrage all good taste and sensibilities. They also didn't care for the pacing or abstract narrative of L'avventura, having expected it to be a straightforward investigative thriller. The boos and barbs got so severe, lead star Monica Vitti left the screening hall in tears. Cannes has become a stage for glitz and glamour, parties and photo calls, and the army of paparazzi that comes with them. With La Dolce Vita, Fellini sums up the hope and despair, the beauty and ugliness to this superficial celebrity lifestyle, testifying to the social malaise underneath. In L'avventura, Antonioni created a new visual language of his own, one which reflected its synthetic nature while merging the realms of reality and abstraction. Before Come and See and Ivan's Childhood, Grigori Chukhrai gave us an equally lyrical meditation on war in Ballad of a Soldier. Also screened at the festival were Bimal Roy's Sujata and William Wyler's Ben-Hur (out of competition). With Marché du Film established just the previous year, Cannes had also set the stage to become the premier global film market we know it as today, giving film professionals the opportunity to shake hands with the best in the business. Pulp Fiction puts American indie films on the world cinema map Highlights | Exotica (Atom Egoyan), The Hudsucker Proxy (Coen Brothers), Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino), Three Colours: Red (Krzysztof Kieślowski), Through the Olive Trees (Abbas Kiarostami), To Live (Zhang Yimou)

Cannes 1994 will forever be remembered as the year Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction won the Palme d'Or, thanks to jury president Clint Eastwood. The film beat favourites like Krzysztof Kieslowsk's final feature, Three Colours: Red, and Nanni Moretti's Dear Diary, which was eagerly championed by jury vice-president Catherine Deneuve. The victories of Sex, Lies, and Videotape in 1989 and Pulp Fiction in 1994 gave American independent cinema global validation. Pulp Fiction of course benefited from producer Harvey Weinstein's "Iron Curtain Strategy" to increase the buzz with limited screenings, while targeting selected American critics to deliver glowing reviews. It began his enduring love affair with Cannes, as he returned as jury president 10 years later and delivered three more of his films (Death Proof in 2007, Inglourious Basterds in 2009, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood in 2019) in the race for Palme d'Or.  The edition boasted a particularly rich line-up across the various sections. Un Certain Regard, the official selection which was created in 1978, and favoured atypical films and lesser-known filmmakers, included Olivier Assayas' Cold Water (L'eau froide), Pedro Costa's Down to Earth (Casa de Lava), Claire Denis' I Can't Sleep (J'ai pas sommeil) among others. Adding to the festival's scale and eclecticism were the parallel sections. Critics' Week featured Kevin Smith's Clerks, while Directors' Fortnight had a commendable line-up of films from Aki Kaurismäki (Take Care of Your Scarf, Tatiana), Ang Lee (Eat Drink Man Woman), Michael Haneke (71 Fragments of a Chronology of Chance) and Shekhar Kapur (Bandit Queen). John Waters' hilariously absurd satire, Serial Mom, was also screened out of competition. The pinnacle of eclecticism Highlights | Palme d'Or: Antichrist (Lars von Trier), A Prophet (Jacques Audiard), Bright Star (Jane Campion), Broken Embraces (Pedro Almodóvar), Enter the Void (Gaspar Noé), Face (Tsai Ming-liang), Fish Tank (Andrea Arnold), Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino), Thirst (Park Chan-wook), The Time That Remains (Elia Suleiman), Wild Grass (Alain Resnais), Vincere (Marco Bellocchio), Vengeance (Johnnie To), The White Ribbon (Michael Haneke) Un Certain Regard: Dogtooth (Yorgos Lanthimos), Father of My Children (Mia Hansen-Løve), Mother (Bong Joon-ho) Out of Competition: Drag Me to Hell (Sam Raimi), Pixar's Up (Pete Docter)

Andrea Arnold, Bong Joon-ho, Jane Campion, Gaspar Noé, Lars von Trier, Park Chan-wook, Quentin Tarantino, Michael Haneke, Pedro Almodóvar, Yorgos Lanthimos and more. Talk about an umissable festival line-up. But with this diversity came division, as some of the jury members ended up in a bitter battle. Jury President Isabelle Huppert and fellow juror James Gray reportedly fought over the former favouring Antichrist, and in the end, reached a compromise with The White Ribbon. The 2009 edition was also an example of how Cannes is a unique showcase for little-known filmmakers to introduce their films to larger audiences. It is hard to imagine if we would all have been raving about Lanthimos and the Greek Weird Wave, if Dogtooth hadn't won Prix Un Certain Regard. Ditto, with Mia Hansen-Løve. It is no wonder filmmakers and producers organise their production schedules in order to be able to present their films at Cannes. Cannes 2020 could have matched the 2019, if not 2009, edition with a line-up, which would have probably included Annette (Leos Carax), Bergman Island (Mia Hansen-Løve), The French Dispatch (Wes Anderson), Last Night in Soho (Edgar Wright), Memoria (Apichatpong Weerasethakul), Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon (Ana Lily Amirpour), Peninsula (Yeon Sang-Ho), Pixar's Soul (Pete Doctor), Tenet (Christopher Nolan) and many more. We'll know more when Cannes chief Thierry Frémaux makes an announcement on the selection in June. Even if there's no physical or online edition of the festival, just imagining a "What if" wishlist makes for a comforting exercise in these strange times. Read the full article

[fandomverseofanthony]

The Vampyre Of Time And Memory

Hey guys, it’s me. I. bet. you. thought. that. I. waaaaaaaas. DEAD!

Whaaaaaaat? TWO references to Queen’s of the Stone Age? (Hint: Druncle’s lyrics are not of my creation, but a song of QotSA)

Jumping back into the massive fandomverse of Fallout, I wrote a story featuring @ohmdo‘s Druncle and @vectober‘s V! (Also mention of @spacialkiwi‘s Trish and @commonwealth-hugs‘s Abby!) Enjoy!

              The gentle feeling of warmth. A familiar caress of the cheek. Hazy memories of a better time, long since passed...

Waking from a deep slumber, Anthony was disappointed to find that he was all alone, laying within a heap of scrap metal. A single ray of light pierced through the smog, beaming down on him. Raising a hand in front of his face, he tried his best to keep himself from being blinded.

              Anthony’s mind felt scrambled, unsure of how he got into his current position. He could only assume that the feeling was similar to a hangover. Letting out a long groan as he shifted uncomfortably in place, he combed through his memories, looking for anything that might provide some insight. His concentration, however, was broken by the arrival of a stranger, their head eclipsing the sun. Straining to focus, his vision corrected itself just in time to see that the person standing over him was pointing the barrel of their pistol directly at him.

              “Funny… I don’t remember scheduling a wake-up call.” Anthony quipped, subtly scanning the area for something to defend himself with, just in case.

              It wasn’t his first time being held at gunpoint, nor would it likely be the last. Anthony’s bad luck usually put him into unfortunate situations such as this, rarely able to talk his way out of them, but it never stopped him from trying. Experience taught him that not everyone in the wasteland was a crazed psychopath.

              The figure stood there, stoic, dressed from head to toe in black, including the mask that was keeping their identity a mystery. Their attire reminded him of the Crimson Dragoons, from the Anchorage Reclamation simulation, but far less gaudy. They were fairly tall, with the tactical clothing clinging to their toned, muscular build. He also noticed that his “Peacemaker” gauss rifle was slung over their shoulder. Whoever they were, it was clear that they were either the remnant of a well-trained group of operatives, or really good at looking the part.

               “Who are you? How do you get here?” the stranger questioned. Their voice was deep, yet smooth, not at all what Anthony was expecting.

               “Where exactly is ‘here’?” Anthony noted, single brow raised, hoping that the person would be friendly enough to provide an answer.

                Despite the stranger’s mask obscuring their expression, Anthony was certain that they were frowning beneath it. Pulling the hammer of the pistol back, they held it closer to Anthony, finger hovering over the trigger. “I’m not fond of repeating myself. Answer the question, or I’ll have to waste a perfectly good bullet. You’ll be stuck bleeding out slowly and painfully…” they insisted, a tinge of annoyance in their voice.

                Keeping his composure, Anthony complied with the individual’s request. “My name is Anthony, and I honestly have no idea how I got here.”

                The stranger hesitated, leaving Anthony feeling slightly uneasy. The silence was almost unbearable, waiting to see whether they would believe him, or if he was soon to be left in an unmarked grave. The person cautiously holstered their pistol, while Anthony let out a heavy sigh of relief in response. Pulling him out of the heap, he took a moment to observe his surroundings. Below the hill was a makeshift gathering of houses, barricades, and crude defenses. It was the lighthouse that stood behind him that gave the location. Kingsport.

                Anthony remembered visiting Kingsport in the past, but it was nothing like its current state. He wondered exactly how long he had been out for, and why he still couldn’t remember much before waking up in that heap. His last memory was in Goodneighbor, assisting Trish with some routine repairs. Anything after that was fractured, at best.

                Taking a moment to brush himself off, his attention returned to the stranger. Reaching out, he attempted to shake their hand, having a few questions of his own. “Now that we’re all nice and civil, how long has Kingsport been like this? Last time I was here, there was nothing but abandoned buildings, left over from before the war. Now this place seems to be flourishing, I can only assume thanks to you…” he paused, trying to get a name out of them.

                The person firmly shook Anthony’s hand. “Druncle.”

                “…Druncle?” Anthony’s brow raised once again, as a slight smirk formed, wondering if it was a nickname of some kind.

                They nodded. “M-hm.” The two laughed.

                Druncle held out Anthony’s rifle, “I believe this belongs to you.”

                As the weapon exchanged hands, Anthony paused. Giving a warm smile, it was as if he was reunited with an old friend. “Yeah, this has gotten me out of a lot of trouble. Saved a lot of lives too.”

                Druncle placed a hand on Anthony’s shoulder. “Let me give you the tour.”

                Anthony remained in Kingsport, helping wherever his talents could best be put to use. Druncle and Anthony didn’t speak much with one another at first, but something about Druncle made Anthony feel that they were kindred spirits. Every now and then they would share a drink, learning a little more about one another, sharing exploits of action, adventure, horror, drama, and the truly bizarre. Druncle typically favored a small glass of Scotch, while Anthony stuck with his usual bottle of Nuka Cola.

               Despite the sense of accomplishment Anthony felt from helping out, and the joy from making new friends, something didn’t feel right. He felt hollow, incomplete, as if a major part of him was missing, yet he had no clue what was causing it. Night after night, he found it harder to sleep. It was slowly taking its toll.

               One particular night, Anthony wandered towards the lighthouse, drawn by a haunting melody drifting through the night, telling a story of love and loss. Rounding the building, Anthony was surprised to see Druncle sitting at the top of the lighthouse, on the ledge, solemnly strumming a worn wooden guitar, while overlooking the sea.

               “Where O where have you been my love? Where O where can you be? It’s been so long, since the moon has gone. O what a wreck you’ve made me. Are you there over the ocean? Are you there, up in the sky? Until the return of my love, this lullaby…” Druncle gently placed the guitar to his side, sensing Anthony’s presence.

               Sitting down next to Druncle, Anthony queried, “Can’t sleep either, huh?”

               It wasn’t the real question that he wanted to ask. His curiosity clawing at the back of his mind, insisting that he know more about the song, but Anthony knew better than to pry into someone else’s business.

                Druncle lowered his head, finding it difficult to hide his heavy heart.

                Anthony shifted his focus away from Druncle, choosing to peer beyond the horizon as he continued. “Don’t worry, I get it. You don’t have to answer. We’ve both seen a lot, been through a lot, and it’s a hefty burden to bear…” Leaning back, he looked up at what used to be the sky, now nothing more than lingering fallout. “…sometimes I just ask myself why I always seem to survive, while those around me tend to die. Is it because my continued existence is some sort of punishment? Am I paying for something I’ve done or should have done?”

                Anthony didn’t expect a response from Druncle. Who truly knew the answer to his question? Even just being able to get such feelings off of his chest, sharing his thoughts with someone who knows what it feels like, brought him some semblance of peace.

                Druncle placed a comforting hand on Anthony’s shoulder. Rising to their feet, guitar in hand, they offered, “You ever think that... you’re here because there’s some great purpose out there for you? Waiting and all that?” They couldn’t help but let out a drained chuckle, as Anthony waved them off. “Yeah, me neither.”

                Patting Anthony’s shoulder, Druncle slowly stepped away, turning back just long enough to finish, “You can’t save everyone… guilt doesn’t change that fact. You’ll get lost in the dark feeling it. Trust me…”

                As Druncle disappeared into the lighthouse, Anthony felt a chill run down his spine, putting him on edge. Jumping up, he nervously looked all around him, unable to shake the feeling that he was being watched. Quickly making his way down the lighthouse stairs, he almost slammed into a well-dressed women, on his way out of the door.

                “Ah, so this is where you’ve been hiding…” the woman scoffed.

The woman’s hair was as sleek and black as a raven, peaking out of what looked like a summer hat, both it and her dress matching in shade, with only a hint of purple throughout. Her skin was a pale bronze, with dark eyes that felt as if they were piercing his very soul.

                Before Anthony could even open his mouth to speak, she interjected, “I’ve no time for games, and any questions you may have for me will all be answered with this…” she held out an ornate rose, made out of various kinds of metal.

                Anthony was hesitant at first, this encounter definitely falling under the ‘truly bizarre’ category, but something about the woman seemed oddly familiar. Against his better judgement, he felt as if he could trust her. The moment his fingers made contact with the rose, it felt as if the last puzzle piece finally clicked into place.

               The flood of memories, of events that once were, but now were nothing more than a bad dream, rushed through his mind. Anthony nearly lost his balance, as the onslaught sent him reeling backwards. Horrific visions of Goodneighbor in ruins, those closest to him either dead or experiencing great pain and suffering. Anthony’s eyes welled up with tears as he was forced to relive every agonizing moment. Among all of the darkness, one beacon of light managed to shine through. Alaelys.

              Anthony carefully peeled back the petals of the rose, finding a wedding ring inside. The ring he made for the love of his life, the one person he was willing to go to any lengths to be with and keep safe. He made the ring, and the rose that it was encased in, in hopes of asking for her hand in marriage. It was on that day that he planned on proposing to Alaelys. It was that day that Elder Maxson loyalists ambushed Goodneighbor, laying waste to the town, getting revenge for the death of their leader.

               In the aftermath, a sharp dressed man appeared before Anthony, black vest, slacks, and dress shoes to match his slicked-back hair, a stark contrast to his warm skin and crimson red dress shirt. A devilish individual that Anthony had run into time and time again, offering to fix everything. All it would cost him was that which he holds most dear, Alaelys.

               The gentleman referred to himself as Guile, insisting that all he would do was rewrite reality, ensuring that Anthony and Alaelys would never have met, while also ensuring that several painful events and deaths never come to pass. To make things easier, he would even make sure that Anthony would not remember the deal, and what was lost.

               Anthony asked for a moment to decide. For once Guile was willing to wait, sure that this time he would get his way. Vanishing into thin air, Guile’s laughter still echoed in his absence. Anthony called out a letter, no, a name. V.

               A woman stepped out from the shadows of Goodneighbor, the same woman that handed Anthony the rose. Anthony knew her, through his friend Abby. He knew that she hated Guile, or more accurately what Guile is, what she is. They were beings not of this world, of great and terrible power, and that’s exactly what he needed at that time.

              Anthony pleaded for V to help him make things right, outsmarting Guile in the process. So many lives would be saved, and V gets to revel in the fact that Guile was tricked by a mere mortal. The very thought of it caused her lips to curl into an inhuman smile. She agreed to help Anthony out, taking the flower as part of the plan, but only because he was a close friend of Abby’s and for the humiliation that would be inflicted upon her nemesis.

              Snapping back to the present, Anthony wiped the tears from his eyes. V was taken by surprise by Anthony’s sudden embrace, squeezing her tight. “Th-Thank you…” he stammered, almost at a loss for words.

              V wasn’t sure how to respond. The only other person to ever have hugged her, and lived, was Abby, and she knew Abby would not be pleased if she killed Anthony. Instead, she stroked his hair, as if he was a pet, before lightly forcing them apart. V nodded, blinking out of existence as she stepped back. Looking back down at the rose, Anthony knew there was only one more thing left to do…

              The following morning, Druncle was going through the usual routine of patrolling Kingsport, but felt as if something was missing. They were surprised to find that Anthony was nowhere to be found. Arriving at the lighthouse, there was a bottle of Scotch with a note pinned to it.

Hey Druncle, I’m sorry that I left without saying goodbye, but every second counts. I guess you were right about having a greater purpose. Maybe we all have one, and it just takes being at the right place at the right time to realize that. I appreciate your hospitality, your wisdom, and most of all, your friendship. Oh, and not shooting me in the face, the first time we met… Yeah… This won’t be the last time we see each other, as once I reach this journey’s end, I’ll have one hell of a story to share with you, over a drink. So, as a token of my gratitude, I left this bottle of Scotch, that I purchased off of a caravan not too far from town. It cost a pretty cap, but hey, you’re worth it. Enjoy, my friend.

                                                        Until we meet again,                                                                      Anthony

[lcyaltyy-blog]

( * &. ✧ ━ otp/verse masterlist

under the cut you’ll find various lyrics of each song from ed sheeran’s new amazing album divide that could be used for verse/otp tags or even character tags ! give this a like/reblog if you found this somewhat useful. also, here’s my other two album masterlists: x & x. enjoy ! xo

eraser:

i am happy on my own.

save your loving arms for a rainy day.

i beg you don't be disappointed with the man i've become.

where i'm heading who knows, my heart will stay the same.

castle on the hill:

i miss the way you make me feel.

we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill.

had my first kiss on a friday night.

dive:

don't call me baby unless you mean it.

don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it.

let me know the truth before i dive right into you.

there's no other girl like you, no one.

do you have a tendency to lead some people on?

shape of you:

you come over and start up a conversation with just me.

girl, you know i want your love.

your love was handmade for somebody like me.

grab on my waist and put that body on me.

i'm in love with the shape of you.

we push and pull like a magnet do.

i'm in love with your body.

last night you were in my room and now my bedsheets smell like you.

every day discovering something brand new.

we talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour.

leave and get in a taxi, then kiss in the backseat.

perfect:

darling, just dive right in and follow my lead.

i found a girl, beautiful and sweet.

i never knew you were the someone waiting for me.

we were just kids when we fell in love.

i will not give you up this time.

just kiss me slow, your heart is all i own.

i'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms.

barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song.

you said you looked a mess, i whispered underneath my breath.

darling, you look perfect tonight.

i found a woman, stronger than anyone i know.

she shares my dreams, i hope that someday i'll share her home.

i found a love, to carry more than just my secrets.

we are still kids, but we're so in love.

fighting against all odds.

i know we'll be alright this time.

be my girl, i'll be your man.

i see my future in your eyes.

i saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful.

i know i have met an angel in person.

she looks perfect, i don't deserve this.

galway girl:

she fell in love with an english man.

kissed her on the neck and then i took her by the hand.

you know she beat me at darts and then she beat me at pool.

she kissed me like there was nobody else in the room.

i could have that voice playing on repeat for a week.

i was holding her hand, her hand was holding mine.

our coats both smell of smoke, whisky and wine.

we fill up our lungs with the cold air of the night.

i walked her home then she took me inside.

happier:

walking down 29th and park, i saw you in another's arms.

only a month we've been apart, you look happier.

i saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours.

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you.

ain't nobody love you like i do.

i'll smile to hide the truth, but i know i was happier with you.

everything's reminding me of you.

ain't nobody need you like i do.

i know that there's others that deserve you.

my darling i am still in love with you.

i knew one day you'd fall for someone new.

if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here for you.

new man:

i heard he makes you happy so that's fine by me.

let me remind of the days when you used to hold my hand.

i know you're missing all this kind of love.

when you're with him i know you're lonely.

hearts don’t break around here:

she is the sweetest thing that i know.

you should see the way she holds me when the lights go low.

we're in love, aren't we?

hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs.

i feel safe when you're holding me near.

love the way that you conquer your fear.

fields and trees and her smell, fill my lungs.

spent my summer time beside her and the rest of the year the same.

she is the lighthouse in the night that will safely guide me home.

what do i know?:

we could change this whole world with a piano.

love could change the world in a moment.

you know we are made up of love and hate.

how would you feel (paean):

you are the one girl and you know that it's true.

i'm feeling younger every time that i'm alone with you.

we were sitting in a parked car, stealing kisses in the front yard.

how would you feel, if i told you i loved you?

spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.

tell me that you love me too.

love flows deeper than the river.

i had both of my arms round you, watching the sunrise replace the moon.

supermarket flowers:

memories of a life that's been loved.

i'm in pieces, it's tearing me up.

a heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.

a life with love is a life that's been lived.

when i fell down you'd be there holding me up.

barcelona:

both hands upon her waistline.

get lost in the rhythm of me.

i fell in love with the sparkle in the moonlight reflected in your beautiful eyes.

spin you around me again and again.

you're like something that god has sent me.

bibia be ye ye:

my heart is breaking at the seams.

say you're with me, tomorrow's a brand new day.

nancy mulligan:

i was twenty four years old when i met the woman i would call my own.

on the summer day when i proposed, i made that wedding ring from dentist gold.

i'm gonna marry the woman i love.

we got married, wearing borrowed clothes.

save myself:

offered up my shoulder just for you to cry upon.

life can get you down so i just numb the way it feels.

i gave you all my energy and i took away your pain.