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#also this tagging function is really fun
tsuru-tan · 2 years
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⛩️ INTRODUCTION ⛩️
Hiya, I’m Tsuru, your friendly neighbourhood artist, singer, & constantly sleepy crane VTuber~
As well as sharing art here, I also stream and post covers on my YouTube, so please check it out!
Hope we can all get along~
✨Twitter: https://twitter.com/tsurutan_ch
✨Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tsuru_tan/
✨YouTube:
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batsplat · 2 months
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if more people knew Herstory (aka 2004 season and sete&vale) so many questions wrt 2015 season(mostly “why would vale….”) would immediately be answered addfghjk like guysssss guyssssss
it is kinda funny that there's a simple cheat code out there to understanding most of valentino's career but it's just about long enough ago that most people simply... ignore it. like there's a three year span that more or less tells you what you need to know about him. it's like you say! pretty much every possible "why would vale..." secretly has a straightforward answer, and 9/10 it's something that was established in 2003 to 2005. simple as
if anything it's almost annoying because it's too easy. the 2004/2015 stuff in particular is incredibly funny. oh, so you say you have a controversial last lap at assen where valentino beat a rival in direct combat and said rival reacted surprisingly poorly, making valentino reevaluate his relationship with the rival? might that tell you something about how a seed of suspicion once sown can remain dormant for months until valentino is given cause to revisit it? valentino quite literally says in his biography that he could never have hated biaggi because he wasn't a friend and didn't have the power to hurt him... the sepang pressers thing is genuinely just silly, I know this is mainly a function of when they happen in the calendar but what a bizarre coincidence. 2015 is like a slightly more opaque funhouse mirror version of 2004 - but so many of the major beats are virtually identical. which means you've got a season Out There where a younger less experienced less guarded less cynical valentino basically walks you through his internal processes so you get a really good handle of what his deal is. he's piecing together his identity as a competitor going forwards in real time - and then in 2015 he just reminds you of what exactly that identity involves. it's a reaffirmation and not a departure... he's not that inscrutable after all, in the end
#i kinda feel like i've done my civic duty on that front like it's now easily available for the people if they choose to Perceive#with the vale/marc rivalry in particular obviously you'll always be hampered there if you're not paying much attention to pre-2013#but also the sete stuff is open to BORING bad faith interpretations so i'm extremely fine with the details remaining niche#u do sometimes see a take where u go Well Ackshually if u consulted this obscure interview from 2004 - but that's the devil talking#it's fine and valid to not care about valentino's interiority but obviously there's only so far u'll get with that#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#fun story: the sepang 2004 presser isn't available in full in the actual motogp search function#so for ages I heard the commies refer to it in various races and was SO frustrated because I had like. a minute's worth of clips#and then I did some creative googling and eventually discovered it WAS on the website but just not. searchable#first time I watched it my mouth dropped open cartoon-style like wdym this is a thing that happened this is a thing that exists#it is absolutely BIZARRE that this is out there it genuinely broke my brain. and nobody talks about it???????#probably for the best but you really wouldn't know valentino's villain origin story is literally just. out there. like you CAN watch it#I've heard some people canonically were already motogp fans in 2004 and it's kinda incredible this has been completely memory holed#if I'd been a journalist in that presser I would literally never shut up about it. not a SINGLE sepang 2015 article makes reference to it#I have not seen a single person apart from myself make the EXTREMELY obvious connection and I just?? how is that possible??#IT'S LITERALLY IN THE SAME PLACE MOST LIKELY THE SAME ROOM LIKE THIS ISN'T A BIG LEAP#maybe he really is some kind of malevolent demonic creature because at this point... people were canonically in that room y'know#curse tag#idol tag
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satsuha · 2 years
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u know im back on my bullshit
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moe-broey · 26 days
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Had. An extremely funny vision to revamp Moe's staff.
The design isn't super final, I can never really decide how I want the accents to look... trying to keep them in line with how the Askr trio's weapons look. Especially the signature color magic glow that's present in their special arts!!!
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Anna has it too!!!!! You just don't see it bc her art gets cut off in game. Also, additional image bc you don't see the handle v well in her special.
Which is why, here, the green gem is most prominent on Moe's weapon.... geen....... idk if I'm keeping the other ones that look like the summoning circle orbs. It was just something I wanted to try out!
BUT. BUT. The Main Idea here is that Moe added its own touch to the staff. Yeah, the dangly halo was a Neat idea, but this concept is just so much funnier to me..... says SO much about Moe as a character... it is ALWAYS. Making and customizing things. I can also see Moe using the carabiner practically as well! Now, I wonder why it held onto those two feathers in particular... 🤔
#moe tag#actually if i canonize the idea that those are hero feathers from alfonse and sharena that's gonna fuck up the timeline.#like i'm gonna have to invent Lore. about it. but the two dangly spinny twirly feathers were ALWAYS a part of moe's Concept#like before it got simplified for ease of drawing moe had a dangly feather earring along the staff decorations#IDK IDK I'M WAY TOO METICULOUS. if i just draw two feathers please forgive me. i LOVE LORE#AND I LOVE. WHEN CHARAS ARE SENTIMENTAL. IN SILLY WAYS. GET ATTACHED TO EVERYTHING ‼️‼️‼️‼️#but like. sometimes it Is just for The Look of it.... i'm so sorry#ANY WHICH WAY. as i was drawing i had a strong vision. of changing up the halo to be something else#a dangly handmade charm. then i had the REALLY striking idea of making it a dreamcatcher. the FORESHADOWING.#and the Theming. of complex relationship w spirituality. but. i... ended up thinking better of it tbh.#like. asking myself okay how do i be respectful and honor this. then realizing hm.#maybe the only way to be respectful of this is to Not Do That. like. just feels in poor taste as a white guy no matter what.#but it DID get me Thinking. about what moe Likes to make anyway. what are the things that are significant to It.#AND THE. THE VISION. if anything it's appropriating butches here its ass is NOT BUTCH.#but no harm no foul. slap some more punk ass trinkets to that thang!!!!!! the practical use ALSO GETS ME THOUGH#like. moe IS practical. it likes its diys to be functional as well as fun. ect ect!!!!!#fe anna#HONESTLY. what if i only tagged her just to not clog up the tags and also that art is a good ref for later#just might.#summoner oc#my art#moe ref
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landgraabbed · 23 days
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dinner with miram and steph
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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random-kido · 3 months
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Scavacule is so fun because you get so many dynamics between different pairs packed into one big dysfunctionally functional relationship that despite everything somehow WORKS
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tyrannuspitch · 7 months
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i think. i should read more comics.
#space viking tag#i'm just not particularly interesting in the reincarnation plotline and that's what everyone always recommends so idk where to start#idk. i mean. maybe i shouldn't. i haven't really vibed with any non-mcu stuff i've encountered so far#including aoa which is often regarded as like. the peak of marvel loki. it was good! but it wasn't rlly for me.#i have a soft spot for toa bc it's whimsical and charming and prequelesque but i also have so many complaints#idk. hmmm.#i should probably look for some thor-centric stuff but i also dk if that will do aaanything i'm interested in#bc i *like* him in context with loki and i like going teehee he's not so heroic after all he's actually extremely LIKE LOKI#and i get a strong impression that his appeal in comics is much more straightforward like... they're playing it all straight#he just Is A Hero and the complexity is that he USED to be a bully. while i prefer BOTH of those things to be much much greyer#idk.......#at least when i'm engaging w/ stuff even if it is frustrating it keeps me thinking abt thor which i always on some level enjoy <3#i've felt so unfocused and untethered since like. november :-: i need my obsession back!!#it's even fun just to like. see their little faces.#comics thor is not rlly my boy but he's the root of my boy so w/e i see him on some like marvel postcard or whatever in a shop#i still get to go teehee it's my little guy :)#but i'm not a merch person at all interestingly enough. if i buy an object i WILL forget it exists within a week#maybe not if it had a practical function?#but i feel like over time that would fade into visual noise too like oh these are just my. oven gloves or whatever.#anyway what was i talking about
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pyrriax · 7 months
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HI TUMBLR late footnote posting before i go to bed (i took a nap today........ ate up most of my time)
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not a lot to talk about with footnotes today since i was Busy and my brain wasnt working pfndkmlfd i blame seven hours of modded oneblock
#haunted ecosystem#haunted bookshelf#i might make a tag for these footnote posts? i think its a fun way to document what ive written about without sharing All of it#also yes thats a random crack au that i've have in the back of my head for a bit what about it#i dont think its canon in the slightest its just a funny little thing in my head for writing random bs#honestly i might start trying to work on more wtds stuff. this is kind of a perfect excuse#also! i think how i might work this is that if i work on a larger project during the day then i'll just do the daily prompt#since its a good exercise and an excuse to keep some kind of writing streak going#i actually asked one of my partners for a prompt since i was struggling to find an interesting one#ended up with 'last man standing' for spoke... very fitting tbh#i might write a more canon take for that. the concept i wrote down was much more set in an au than anything since i was also thinking#about asomatous zam at the same time so i kind of just incorparated both of them into it with it being paracosm-era#OH did i ever mention that i have a general title plan for the other parts of that kind of. world#its very set in stone that if i do write more it'll be two more parts#metamorphosis (5 part) and paracosm (1 part with multiple scenes. functionally 3 part maybe?)#asomatous goes in the middle of that. i need to kind of plan all of them out better and see how it wants to flow#metamorphosis was started as a concept because i had a few bad things happen bingo prompts i wanted to be used for asomatous#but didnt end up using. so metamorphosis is my excuse for that. paracosm is just a Concept thats been really plaguing me basically since i#originally wrote asomatous... i should probably come up with a temporary series title. i think something about shattering skies?#its a reoccurring theme and symbol throughout all of them....... i just think its neat#ANYWAYS goodnight to you especially if you actually read through all my tags :)
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misc. daily life photos again .. for the every once in a while that I collect enough over a few months to actually make a photo set out of them lol
#Not sure how to caption every photo because you can unfortunately no longer caption photos so that text appears#under them when you view them. you can only add photo descriptions (which is more about literally describing#the image for people who can't see it or etc.). I wish they had the ability to have both captions and descriptions as both are useful for#different functions but it seems they took captions away entirely so. I guess I'll have to just number every picture and then talk about th#em in the tags or soemthing?? SO.. starting from top left to right --#image 1: blackberries BUT also if you look close.. there's a tiny little bug on them lol#image 2: little water droplets on the back of a leaf that looked cool.. love anything with tiny water orbs#image 3&4: a spiky fuzzy sort of caterpillar outside on a yardwork glove.. small friend#image 5: THIS is such a bad slogan!!! what a lie!!! I personally would LOVE to have a sandwich party! in fact I would rather attend a#sandwich party than a pizza party because it would be fun to sample a wide variety of sandwich platters with all different meats and chee#& breads & ingredients & etc. !! now I just wish I could go to a cool sandwich sampling party w a full buffet of various mini sandwiches :#image 6: a chicken sandwich I made myself at home. with swiss cheese >:3#image 7&8 : HHRGH it's a CAT and also bubble tea!!! AND is pastel teal! but alas.. it was like $20 and I didnt want to pay that but now#looking back on the photos slightly regret it lol. I think it's more because it's a brand name since the cat is some popular cat like hello#kitty or something. I didn't really notice that until later lol. I was just thinking 'OMG A CAT!'. I love all cats. brand or no brand lol#image 9: my single once a year trip to the drink place that has really nice garlic noodles. this time with beef? which was good too. And#the typical drink order of pina colada smoothie (i think it's coconut pineapple and strawberry?). plain matcha bubble tea (favorite and all#I ever get from anywhere). and a strawberry smoothie thing. I also usually get a coffee bubble tea but the place is like 50% of the time ou#of coffee for some reason so. hggh.. Which I know is like everyday food for some people but. I get food from places SO rarely that it's al#ays an event to take a picture about lol. Just cooking at home 99% of the time makes those trips for fancy food more special I guess#Id rather save the money/dont have much in the 1st place .& also am still a freak who hates using apps/dislikes shit like ubereats or etc.#I would literall NEVER get food delivered to my house under any circumstance unless I was dying alone inside on hospital bed rest with no#support system and no transportation and having food delivered to me was my last possible option. otherwise. if I want something so bad#I can just leave the house to physically pick it up myself without involving a middle man to the process and paying more. .. ANYWAY ghjgjh#image 10: BOY in BOX.. playing a new boardgame and he sits inside! rip to my big beautiful son. I miss him.#UpWords is a fun game though. It's similar to scrabble except you can stack the letters? interesting#Okay. that's all the pictures! Also for the record I do think it's a good thing to have image descriptions! I wasn't complaining in the sen#e that I wish they would get rid of them and bring captions back. more just I would like to have both preferrably. I liked being able to#caption things on the occasional post like this where the layout is better suited towards it.#photo diary
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 9 months
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I am opening my mouth like a baby bird for the barebones offline version of the rpgsolo stuff .. excited to see :3
i hope you enjoy it when it goes up, anon!! my main issue so far is trying to figure out how tf to format the percentage tables over text on a tumblr post. i could just post screenshots of it, because as it is it formats terribly onto here, but it's critical for it to be screen-reader accessible. i might go ahead and put it in a pastebin to link along with the screenshots; i'd like to get it down in multiple formats and mirrors in case something happens to one version, i Do Not Trust hosting sites these days, but i think that's probably a good start.
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bronanlynch · 10 months
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obsessed w the choice to have reinhard & hilda hook up for the first time in the context of. reinhard is having a breakdown over his guilt at the death of his boy best friend like. very heterosexual of him, I'm sure
#also like. it is so funny to me that people ship this as like. them being In Love and fluffy etc etc like. the vibes are extremely Not That#they fuck bc he's having a breakdown. she leaves before he wakes up and looks terrified when he comes to see her#he gave her a military position and wanted to make her prime minister and every time she correctly disagrees with him he hates her for it#she's the closest thing he has to a friend but he can't forgive her for not being kircheis so he marries her instead#he brings flowers bc it's what mittermeyer did bc he's following a script bc he doesn't know how to do any of this#(this being. heterosexuality. having any kind of normal relationships with people. functioning in society)#she canonically doesn't feel like she understands how to be a woman#oh my god are they the 'he's gay she's a lesbian their marriage will change your perception of love' couple#wait no also. his reason for proposing. jesus christ his entire concept of gender & relationships is So shaped by what happened to annerose#he feels obligated to marry her now but also. as if marrying her isn't just another way of trapping her into that kind of role#like she's can't be ur official military advisor or ur prime minister. she has to be Your Wife. and i cannot see her being happy w that#like it would get her what she wants (advancement for her family) but oh my god at what cost#sorry these tags are just. my running commentary of the ep now anyway losing it at reinhard saying “can kircheis forgive me for marrying”#ok i was gonna make fun of him being like “he never got to marry before he died :/” like. i really don't think that was a priority for him#but i do also think given the opportunity he would've married annerose. mediated desire and all that#dreaming.txt#e watches logh
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what are ur thoughts on the winners room trope?
ooooo okay surface level analysis: i like winner’s room fics :)
etwas tieferes: i think it’s cool that it’s (afaik) unique to hockey fandom and i enjoy the way it integrates a lot of unspoken rules in hockey with desire/makes them a physical/tangible reality… also the narrative potentials/world-building it opens up can be fun because there’s not really a set of rules for the “winner’s room” trope. are there in-universe rules? who gets chosen? who’s exempt? who gets to pick? where’s it going down? is it the entire room or one guy? what if your (ex)boyfriend is on another team? does somebody need to be taught a lesson or do you need to remind someone who got traded you still love them? also, most important, winner’s room gives you the chance to put two random-ass guys you saw interact for 0.002 seconds and went “hmmm. interesting” about into a Situation and i love that
#yeah buddy!! i love answering questions!!! unironically i have so many opinions!!!!#refraining from putting this in the main text but had to go: yeah who doesn’t love a good g*ngb*ng#it also doesn’t just have to be a bunch of dudes fucking though per always: i think winner’s room fics can bring up interesting dialogues#about the idea of bodily autonomy and self-sacrifice or sacrifice in sports#every fic can utilize a trope their own way so you might have lighter versions or heavier versions and#tw: sa#dub-con/CNC elements which. given the truth of SA and abuse in hockey it’s valuable to have tools to explore and i feel like i need to#address that when i talk about this? obvi dead dove do not eat for some fics re:winner’s room but i think a lot of them do talk about#control and power to some extent if you were to do a deep literary analysis. which we don’t need to. sometimes it’s enough to read a fic one#time because you liked the main pairing and didn’t know SHIT about the flyers and then come back to it years later and absolutely lose your#goddamn mind about the fact that actually you DID know about travis konecny before you thought you did and at one point there were all these#guys that you now know and love who were just like. random fuckers in the sides of the fic. i tend to do that a lot bc i will read for#nearly everything (if i love u. i will read your works even if i don’t know anything about the fandom and also i am always willing to jump#on new ships) so also tangentially i think winner’s room fics are a lot of fun because you can see a lot of different interactions between a#lot of guys like not only is it this guy and this guy but also this guy and that guy and these two interacting around the sacrifice etc etc#tangled web many layers und so weiter. not sure if any of that makes sense but also i’m gonna tag for mentions of sa/wjc/hockey canada stuff#i don’t even really know if winner’s room functions as well even in other sports bc of the Team Identity in hockey & cultural context#liv in the replies#winner’s room can be layered with SO many other kinks and tropes and aus and also just like. i like it & that’s probably all i needed to say#also obvi re: rules for trope there aren’t ever any there’s just some popular variations and we can kinda see some of those forming#but i’m not even sure if winner’s room has its own tag on the archive? i’d have to check i know i have a few saved in my bookmarks at least#OH also if you made it this far. wasn’t sure if this was like a ‘do u got recs’ or a ‘what’s your moral stance’ or ‘hey is this something ur#into’ so. good faith good vibes y’all and if this wasn’t what u meant please elaborate the question i do love answering things#ty for the ask!!!!#for the record i do watch hockey like the leonardo dicaprio pointing meme finding milliseconds of interaction to go HAHA GAY NARRATIVE about
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toothmarqed · 1 year
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fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
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frascospecimen · 1 year
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I feel bad because I’m struggling to draw so hard but I NEED to get these thoughts out so. continuing from this tag
#inklings would be butterflies I think because the original tags was about caterpillars#and also because I think it would work really well for Callie and Marie’s hair. becaue their bows could look like butterfly wings#And to match this maybe octolings could be moths. idk lol#OTHER DESIGNS THAT ARE REALLY CLEAR TO ME:#Annie is a tarantula now because I think it would work well with her hair lol. and because I think it would be cute#idk if moe will be like. a bug that spiders usually eat like a fly but now they’re friends. or like one of those frogs that spiders#sometimes keep as pets. two options#Paruko is also a spider though but the fish in her hair is definitely now a dead bug. SAD#sheldon roly poly maybe.. OR HERCULES BEETLE!?#i like the concept of beetle sheldon a lot actually. Cute#spyke is a mosquito probably idk how it would work with his hair but you know. scary and pointy but not actually terrible#I think it would be fun if Pearl was specifically a monarch butterfly to fit her princess theme..#callie would def be one of those butterflies that have like. the batshit long thin tails coming off of their bottom wings to match her hair#bisk daddy long legs..#Can you imagine capn cuttlefish butterfly beard. lol..#Iso padre could be a big roly poly.#Salmonids are ants now. mass numbers kind of weird hard workers scary in big numbers.#could have fun stuff like bosses based off of specific types of ants#trapjaw ant boss honeypot ant boss that functions like steelhead#you know#Imagine Frye commanding giant earthworms. Beautiful world#ok no more ideas autism event over#if anyone wants to draw these I can’t.. I am struggling so bad with drawing right now but I want these to be real#Maybe I could have just made a post instead of tags but um. Oh well too late I don’t feel like moving it
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#Ash's ramblings#you ever just take a look at yourself and it's like#it kinda looks like 85% of my problems lead back to my complete lack of a sense of self worth#and you go well maybe you really could use some therapy. but also it's 4.30pm on a thursday#and it's the end of term and you really have to finish that presentation and study for that exam and complete these 3 essays#and start on the other essays and hope the writing test tomorrow will go well and what about the speaking exam on Monday#that is online but the presentation is on site and there's only half an hour between and that's not enough time to get to uni actually#and. all the other things that take priority#and also therapy is kinda expensive and you already don't have hobbies bc you can't afford any classes and without classes you won't stick#to anything so can you afford therapy. and if you can wouldn't it be more fun to do sth else instead#but you kinda can't anyway but. maybe. Idk. but therapy also costs time and you don't have that either#and also you're not that bad off anyway so wouldn't it kinda be overkill. kinda embarrassing to go. you're functioning and all#havent considered drastic measures in quite a while. and what if you really ARE just stupid so your sense of self worth is in fact accurate#and therapy can't actually make you like. smart or talented or whatever so. wouldn't it just be a waste of time.#and then you look back at your laptop and realise you should be studying instead of mildly spiralling on tumblr so you get back to that#and try to focus#ily all feel free to ignore me I'm just stressed#Tag ramblings#suicide mention#Like. Very mild and not directly and all but idk just in case?? Idk what counts as triggering for whom so#it's like. idly thinking about why I practically never invite ppl to my flat. oh it's bc I'm embarrassed of the way I live and#scared it won't be good enough for others#why am I so immediately forgiving and willing to acceot things that hurt me. oh it's bc if I don't ppl won't have a reason to stick around#why do I get so quietly intensely jealous when ppl do cool things and have good things happen to them. oh it's bc it makes me think#that they'll realise how very much I don't fit into that cool life they're living and I can't keep up and I'm boring and the opposite of#anything they want in their life#I do realise this is. like. a problem.#it does not make me a better friend or partner or whatever if I'm constantly occupied with negative feelings about myself that#are no one else's problems and I shouldn't make it so. so I do not but it's still there and I can't make it go away#and I'm sure it's obvious sometimes that there's SOMETHING and that's. you know. Idk where I'm going with this.
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