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simpcityy · 7 months

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My Little Spawn Pt.1 (Dadstarion X Child!Reader)

Summary: Astarion was finally free from Cazador after being kidnapped by a mindflayer but he was stuck with one annoying task, you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Baldur's Gate 3 or any of its characters.

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: Use of (Y/N), Cazador, language, spoilers for those who haven't gone far in the game....Uhhh...I think that is all.

Everything was dark and blurry in his eyes. All he remembers was stalking in the shadows looking for his next prey and suddenly he was kidnapped. He felt mixed emotions, fear but importantly joy, he was finally away from Cazador. It would be like he suddenly disappeared in thin air and Cazador will need him no more. Until he was stuck with another burden, You. “Would you keep quiet, dammit!?” He whispered rather loudly. You stopped shifting around the tall grass and peaked out of it. “I’m sorry” You whispered before going back to hiding. He looked over seeing two people walking by, “Perfect” He mutters and gets ready to put on his performance.

After almost getting incinerated, you and Astarion have found a group and camp for the remainder of the period till the little wiggly worm is out of your mind but of course, you wouldn’t comprehend, for you were so young.

“Who’s the little adorable bugger?” Gale smiles letting you try to read the books he has found so far. “For the record this annoying little sp-human is not mine, they just seem to be attached to me.” Astarion watches you trying to pronounce the big words only to butcher them. “But it’s getting rather late and I hate to deal with a cranky annoying child tomorrow.” He picked you up keeping his arms outstretched and walked to his tent. Once everyone was out of earshot, he squats at your height. “Listen here, you must not tell anyone what we are understood?” His red eyes look down at your innocent (E/C) ones. “But why not?” You sat on top of the pillow looking up at Astarion seeing him take a deep breath in. Of course, Astarion knows he has to make it simple. “Because we are playing a game” He grins “ We are all hiding our identity. You and I are a team and the rest are a team. Whoever is the first one to discover their real identity, is the sore loser.” He gives a smile sitting down next to you. You pouted, your cheeks puffed up “We will win, okay! I won’t tell.” You lean back before yawning “ If they ask what do I say?” You cute little doe eyes look at him tiredly. “Hmm…we are just normal elves got it?” He looks away in deep thought, “it’s for the best for now” He mutters before leaning back “ You know for a being the youngest Spawn he created…you still need rest like a human, you are such an odd little creature” He gently plays with the ends of your hair “ Why did he even turn you?” He whispers as you slowly slip into sleep. “What use does he even have for you?” He kept asking himself all the questions ever since you were part of the “Family”

You were the youngest spawn Cazador has ever gotten. You were only 5 soon turning 6. Astarion was first shocked to see Cazador holding you in his arms when he came back from bringing a pretty prey for his master. He never dared question, he kept all his unanswered questions to himself. Astarion felt anger towards you both. Why was Cazador more tender with you, not treating you like he does to his other spawns. Why did you get the special treatment? He was mostly angry towards Cazador as always, why did he turn you, you didn’t even reach your half way milestone of your life. You were going to stay that age and size forever. He has been treated like shit for 200 years but you, you would never experience the things a child should be, the things teenerages and young adults go through. Once again Cazador has robbed you of your life just how Astarion was robbed of his.

Morning rolled by, You picked up a little flower near Gale’s tent, “Astarion! Look what I found!” You ran up to him as he was getting ready to set foot on finding a healer with the others. “What is it this time?” He mutters looking up before seeing a flower being gently shoved to his face. “A flower.” You smile waiting for him to take it. “ A flower…you called my attention for a flower…this is why I don’t work with little annoying monsters.” He sighs already feeling annoyed from the lack of blood. “I’m sorry…” You whisper looking down, putting the flower away from his face, small tears forming in your doe eyes. He stops putting things into his bag and sighs “ Why must you be such a crybaby” He sits down pulling your tiny form on his lap, taking the flower. “Wow, thank you. I feel the luckiest person to get a flower from you.” He says in a bored voice looking at you. You sniff and rub your eyes, “You mean it?” The tears no longer present in your eyes. He looks at you unamused. “Yes, now shoo, I have to pack. Go bother Gale, Shadowheart or even Tav but not me got it?” He makes you get off his lap before freezing feeling you give him a light peck on his cheek “Okay! I’ll collect more flowers for the others!” You giggle before running off. He placed a hand over his cheek and watched the direction you left. “What an odd little spawn.” He whispers before continuing to pack.

You hummed a tune as you collected more flowers near Gale’s camp where Gale was sitting on the pillow, reading a book. He looks up hearing you hum. “Say (Y/n), that tune you must be from the upper city aren’t you?” He smiles placing the book down as your little feet shuffle over to him. “Mmhm! Papa would always sing me this lullaby at night!” You grin “It’s my favorite and he always wants me to sing! He says I’m his little singing bird!” Placing the flowers down, you sat on the ground in front of gale. Thinking back to what Astarion said last night, remembering to not give away too much information. “Judging by your clothes, I bet your father is a rather important man?” He smiles rubbing down those stubborn baby hairs that lift up from your hair. You only nodded “Papa is the best! I miss him and I want to go home…” You look around the wilderness that you and Astarion crashed in. “I want him to hold me close…I always dream of those monsters…and the little wormy” Whimpering you scoot into Gale’s arms. “I don’t want them to come back!” You tear up, “I want papa to hold me but he’s not here!” You wail. Gale quickly panics “Oh…crying child…what to do…wish Tara was here…” He mutters before rubbing your back “Hey now, you can always come to me, Shadowheart and even Tav if you ever have a nightmare. How about this, before you go to bed, I will tell you a story so you can dream of that story rather than the scary monsters. Trust me, I have read so many books, I know them by heart.” He grins as you finally stopped the water works. “Which is why he’s a walking library in this case.” Shadowheart smiles walking over “Now, we should get going, the closer we find a healer, the faster you can go to your papa” She smiles leaning to your height. “Really!” You smiled, your eyes widened at the thought of seeing your father soon. “Let’s go!” Grabbing the flowers, you ran to Astarion to share the news.

“Astarion!”

“What now!?”

Walking to find a healer seems like eternity to you, “I wanna rest!” You whined to Astarion tugging at his shirt. “Then complained to Tav, they are leading the damn group, not me.” He sighs, breathing in heavily to compose himself from lashing out. “Up! Up!” You lifted your arms. “The hell I won’t!” He walks faster only for you to follow him whining even more. The rest of the small group look over watching the two of you, seeing you bothering Astarion even more. “Is it me or do these two know each other very much?” Shadowheart watches you keep tugging on his shirt. “Yet he says he doesn’t know (Y/N), that they only tagged along with him.” Gale crossed his arms. Tav smiles “I don’t know, (Y/n) looks nothing like Astarion so I doubt they are related and (Y/N) always mentions a papa.” Shadowheart and Gale nodded. “What in the nine hells! Where did you go!?” Astarion looks around for you as you stop tugging on his shirt a while ago. “Where did they go?” Tav walks back to the pale elf. “ I don’t know, the moment they were annoying the hell out of me! Next thing I know, they are go- wait…” He smells it, blood. You must have run off to the smell. “ I…um…heard them, this way” He quickly follows the scent with the rest following.

You carefully walked down the ladder, the smell of blood getting stronger. Turning around a corner, you are met with a woman with red skin, burning and importantly with a broken horn. Slowly walking over to the tiefling, you look up at her “Are you okay?” You meekly whisper seeing how tall she was according to your height. She looks up hearing the childish voice, “Hells, what is a child doing all alone?” She looks at you shocked before feeling the tadpoles connect. “Fuck” Karlach whispers holding her head “You were also in that ship…” She whispers before calming herself down and kneels down to make it seem less intimidating to you. “Hey there little soldier, What are you doing all alone?” She smiles as you slowly take small steps towards her. “I…you’re hurt…are you okay?” You go to place your small hand on her but she backs away quickly. “Careful there, I’m not like any other tiefling, I can burn you.” She smiles “I'm Karlach, what’s your name, little soldier?” She chuckles admiring your little face as you try to say her name slowly. “Car…Ka…la…Karlach.” You finally get it right, before giving her your name, someone else beat you to it.

“(Y/N)!?” Tav runs over, crossing the log and quickly pulls you back from Karlach, putting you behind. “Get away from them” Tav frowns weapons out. “Are you okay?” Shadowheart checks you over for any injuries as Gale also checked along with her. Astarion catches up and lets out a small sigh seeing you alive and safe. “What in the sweet hells were you thinking running off like that?! A goblin could’ve gotten you or a wild animal?!” He looks down at you but stops himself seeing you tear up. “I-I’m sorry….don’t get mad like papa!” You cried. “Like papa….” He glares down at you. “Don’t ever compare me to him you litt-” He stops himself seeing the fear in your eyes. Him, being like Cazador. He would rather kill himself than be exactly like his old master. He sighs before kneeling to you as the others were busy with Karlach. “Sorry…I was…I guess you can say I was very worried…I know it wasn’t your intention to run off…” He then whispers “You must be hungry…for blood like me…I know you are craving that sweet and yet bitter flavor but you need to hold it in like I am…tonight we’ll find some small vermin okay?” He slowly pats your head as you nod. Standing up, he walks over to the rest as you follow closely to him. “My, I feel so much better knowing we have a strong wall to protect us from any arrows” He smirks after learning Karlach was recruited. “I like her! She’s nice!” You popped out from behind walking over to Karlach. “And I like you little soldier” She smiles.

After going back to camp for the day, Astarion watches as you listen to Gale’s stories. He sat from his tent looking at a book but his mind wandered back to what you said. Like papa…when has Cazador ever punished you? He thinks back but nothing comes to him. He turns the page to the book to make it look like he was reading. He looks back at you with that question still haunting his thoughts. It really ticked him off when you compared him to Cazador, he will never be like him…no he will be better. He wants to get back at him and back at him good. He smirks looking at you. Why not get him back with the thing he treasures the most, or rather the person he treasures the more.

You

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Authors Notes: Thank you everyone for reading this, please like, reblog and share it with others. I will be working on Part 2 soon hopefully. I also started another series a month ago or more about Astarion and a Gur! Reader. There is only part 1 out as well but I will be working out on that. Please remember to stay hydrated and to get some rest. Love you all! You are welcome to ask to be tagged as well for the next part.

-Axie

#father figure Astarion #astarion #bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 fic #astarion fic #fatherfigure #dadstarion x child reader #dadstarion #tav #gale #shadowheart #Karlach #baldurs gate 3

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fancyfeathers · 8 months

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Yandere Dottore (normalized yandere AU)

going from this post and the credit to the names goes to @busy-dadzawa-fish who I asked if I could use the names they came up with here as placeholder names for the other darlings when writing from different perspectives

The last time you saw Zandik was the day before he was expelled from the Akademiya. You had always been close friends, sticking with each other through thick and thin, but something felt off. He had tried to convince you that you should leave the Akademiya and how they are constricting your research, you thought of it as just a silly idea, nothing more. Then the next day he was gone, you heard whispers about how he was conducting inhumane experiments and the Akademiya had no choice but to expel him. You felt horribly betrayed by someone you once called friend, but now as you hear it everything made sense. Zandik was always secretive when discussing his research with you, not to mention his controlling tendencies when you would do something he didn’t like.

You didn’t hear from your old friend for years, not until you received a letter from a Fatui soldier, your heart sank when you read it. The letter was from Zandik, or rather his new alias, Il Dottore,number two of the Fatui Harbingers. It was the same handwriting, the same style that Zandik used to write in, but now it felt so dark now that you knew everything. It was begging you to come and join him, telling you to think of all the great things you could accomplish together, but his true nature disgusted you, it made you feel sick. You discarded the letter and didn’t even bother to write back.

You went on to live your life, graduate from the Akademiya, moving on to continue your medical research, and you did amazing things. You cured so many people, saved so many lives, found new ways to heal complex injuries and sickness. You weren’t in it for the fame or the fortune, just to help people, that is all you ever wanted. Of course, your research does not go unnoticed…

You remember the fire…

You remember the bright colors as your lab was ablaze…

The broken equipment…

The missing research…

Oh what a fool you were…

You were out one day, going to gather materials, leaving your house and lab unattended. You should have made better notice of the people you passed on the street that day, including the two Fatui agents walking pass you as you left your house.

You remember standing in front of your blazing house as people attempted to put out the flames. Your heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces as you watched your whole life go up in flames, literally.

You stayed with your friend for a few weeks, a friend from school, she was kind enough to let you stay with her. As you were cleaning up after dinner she came up to you, holding a letter. She told you she found it in the crack under the door, someone must have slipped it under there. You recognized the Fatui insignia as you ripped it open, your heart going a million miles per hour.

Meet me at our old study spot if you want your research back, bring nothing.

You burned with rage, you knew who it was from and you had a guess what would happen if you accepted and what would happen if you didn’t. You knew Dottore’s twisted nature and you would likely be stuck with him for the rest of your days if you accepted, and if you rejected you would be harassed by the Fatui and hunted down until you accepted. Your research was your life’s work, you couldn’t just give it up, so you set out like he asked, but on the way a small accident occurred. You ran into a young ex-Fatui solider who was literally running from the Fatui when you met him, . You had managed to use your dendro vision to hide the two of you in a tree while the Fatui passed. Once you were about to go your separate ways he somehow convinced you not to, probably because he was in the same situation you were in but with Capitano.

You learned that the ex-Fatui’s name was Julius, and he definitely was not fit to be a soldier with how kind and gentle he was. You two traveled around for quite sometime until you met a strange woman who you had come to know as the Historian, and she was not to different from the two of you. She introduced you to others like you two, and you all kept connections with one another but while they could find one another they couldn’t find the Historian again, it was like she hid herself. You and Julius set yourselves up with traveling Sumeru, with you trying to rebuild your research the best you can and Julius protecting you. You never went into cities, it could be to dangerous.

Then you heard of the kidnapping of one of your friends, Colombina’s darling, along with many of the others meeting you and Julius in Sumeru, telling you of everything that happened. You were being backed into a corner and archons know where the Historian is. So while everyone was sleeping at the campsite you went on a walk to clear your mind. You sat at the base of a statue of the seven, looking down at the dendro vision in your hands, wondering why you were given this, you didn’t feel wise, you felt like a fool. You didn’t even process the footsteps coming up from behind you

“Oh (Name)”

Your heart sank at that voice, and your blood run cold. The blue haired doctor came to walk in front of you, kneeling down to be on eye level with you, despite the mask he wore.

“You look so tired.”

His words of comfort reminded you of the man he used to be, almost making you forget of the monster he was that was right in front of you. A second longer and you might have broke down into her arms, crying and apologizing when none of this was your fault, but luckily someone calling your name snapped you out of your trance. You slapped him across the face, his mask falling to the ground revealing the thin scar covering bits of his face, parts of his forehead, nose, cheeks, it wasn’t terrifying or disturbing just purely shocking. Now the Zandik you knew was gone both in personality and appearance. But before the doctor could recover from your strike, a flaming arrow came, zipping right past you and striking the harbinger tight in the shoulder. You turned to see Julius, bow in hand, and pyro vision on his hip. He called put to you again and you didn’t waste a moment before you followed after your friend, running into the forest, a place where even a harbinger would have a hell of a time finding you.

…You were tired

…but you still have to run.

#yandere genshin x you #yandere genshin #yandere genshin imagines #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere dottore #yandere dottore x reader #dottore x reader

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sweetestcaptainhughes · 3 months

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Friends to Lovers is for the Fairytales

Word Count - 8k

Author's Note: Thank you all for requesting a part 2. Here it is, I know the word count is pretty high but the drama was too good for me to cut any parts. Also, I figured I should make a real cover for this fic since it has multiple parts now. 🤣🤣 As always thank you for reading and enjoy the drama.

Possible Triggers - friends with benefits established, use of Y/N, mentions of anxiety, panic attack, lots of cursing

Summary: When you met Jack and everything just clicked for the first time in your life. You thought that meant that you would finally get your happy ever after but maybe that isn't the case.

Part 1 Part 2

You don’t remember much from last night other than by some miracle making it home. It felt as if you were having an out body experience, like someone drugged you earlier in the night because you couldn’t feel anything. All you knew was that you craved your bed. The storm was still going strong once you reached your apartment. It almost felt as if it was displaying how your heart, body and soul felt, just raging on, praying someone would reach out a hand to hold. As you walk up the four flights of stairs to your apartmentIt hits you. It feels like how people describe a near death experience. As if the last year of your life flashed before your eyes. Your body gives out and you fall on the 3rd floor landing. Your panic attack is finally taking over your senses. You can’t feel anything and yet you feel everything at once. Your head hurts hurts as memories of you and Jack flash through it.He was always the one who talked you off the ledge. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a panic attack let alone an anxiety attack. Now to think this is your second one of the night, it pushes you over the edge.

You know Anna is upstairs, if you could just move your legs. But you can’t, you're stuck, hyperventilating as your world comes crashing down. Realizing that the love of your life, didn’t see you as anything more than some girl who was simply a fuck. The man you have spent the last almost a year building your life around. Now here you were with your hands trying to grab your chest, scratch your arms, you didn’t care if they bleed after you just needed to ground yourself. You can hear his voice in your mind “ baby it’s okay, I got you.” As you grab your shoulder and start squeezing it, what he always did to bring you back. “I am right here baby, I got you, you're so strong. You're safe.” Your other hand is going to touch your head and bring it through your hair. He always cradled your head in chest, to hide you from the world until you were ready to come back into it. You open your eyes and you scream fully accepting your pain. Because you realized that your brain just played the biggest trick on you of all, Jack wasn’t holding you. No, he was the cause of it and when your body felt like you were having a heart attack the only logical thing your brain could do was play some sick joke on you by using the man that caused the pain to calm your demons.

You must have yelled louder than you realized because Anna came running down the stairs to you. “Oh love,” she exclaims a mixture of sadness and sympathy at seeing her friend at a low, but in the background there was a mixture of anger at Jack for helping you go so far in your journey of healing only to snatch it away in the end. She sits next you facing your body that was against the wall. “I got you love, it’s okay, everything will be okay.” She whispers in your arms.

“Come on Y/N. Let’s get you home.” she says as she slowly starts urging you to stand. Knowing that normally you like to cry behind closed doors and not on the landing of the stairs to your apartment.

“Home?” you whispered no longer crying for the moment. “But he was my home.” you slowly start to cry out again feeling yourself working back up.

“Nope nope, we're not doing this. Look at me Y/N” you’re not sure if you move your eyes to meet hers or if she moves. You're trying to focus on how your breathing isn’t normal anymore and trying to remember the last time it was. “Hear me when I say this…are you listening?” she asks one hand on your cheek to keep your focus, the other on your forearm moving it back and forth. “You are one bad bitch and although I don’t know what happened yet. Fuck him, you hear me, he’s a dumb fucker and I told you that when I found out he couldn’t cook broccoli. What fucking adult doesn’t know how to boil water.” By the end you can hear the judgment in her voice and you laugh, it's a sad laugh but a laugh. It makes Anna breakout in a full blown smile for the first time since she found you. “Alright let’s get you upstairs, you're soaked you need a shower so you don’t get sick, and then we can do whatever you want alright love?”

You finally get up, and Anna helps you to get up the stairs and inside your apartment. Anna let’s you go to take a shower, as she goes to the kitchen getting some food ready because knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten. Then you come to the kitchen wrapped in a towel, but her back is turned to her. You're scared to speak, not trusting your voice in the moment, you wait until she turns around. “Jesus Y/N/N.” she yells her hand going to her chest probably feeling like you jump scared her. She knows there is no way you showered yet but she asks anyway “Have you finished your shower yet?” In a soft voice not sure what you need.

“I don’t wanna be alone. Can you -” suddenly embarrassed feeling yourself on the edge of yet another crying fit, you feel like a toddler scared of the dark needing a flashlight to sleep alone at night.

“Of course. I’ll stay on the toilet seat. We can talk or sit in silence whatever you need Y/N. I am here. I love you.” she comes up to you and hugs you.

“Thank you,” you whisper out as you turn to the bathroom, and get in the shower. Anna stays true to her word; she sits her ass on the toilet and doesn’t move.

After a few minutes she asks, “Do you wanna talk or silence?”

“No silence… but I - I -” You stumble over your words as your body wash is rinsing off of you from the water.

“Okay I can talk enough for the both of us.” She says in such a confident and non-judgment way. Your heart swells with love for the first time tonight and you have a little smile on your face although Anna can’t see it.

She continued to talk the entire time you were in the shower updating you on her work crush, her brother calling her for advice after accidentally sending a girl nudes when he was drunk. She went on and on about how her brother was a fucking idiot and every time she had to talk to him about girls she swears her IQ drops because the brain cells literally die from hearing his train of thought. She then goes on to make a comment about how she still thinks Luke and her brother would be best friends. By the end you’re crying with laughter for the first time that day.

Once you’re done with your shower we climb into my bed. Anna insists on warming up the leftover pizza you had earlier, chocolate and a bottle of wine “y/n whatever the fuck happened it was big, I say this with love, but I haven’t seen that bad of an attack for you in forever. I am gonna need to be tipsy so I don’t drive to his place and beat him up.” Anna, your true ride or die, and you loved her for it. By the end of telling her everything it was nearing 2 AM and you felt like you were gonna collapse. Anna convinced you at some point to call out tomorrow, probably somewhere along your fourth glass of wine and third breakdown of the night. Which is ironic you calling out but you don’t mention that to her. She writes the email to your boss saying that you had the flu and you were ready to bring a doctor’s note when you returned. Which if you sober, you would have questioned her on.

“Okay so what happened once you got to the bar. By the way, you are nicer than me. I wouldn't have sent his drunk ass an uber. But I’ve always said that you're nicer than me. After he practically said you were with him for the money like fuck you dude. ” You physically wince, grateful that Anna broke out a new bottle of wine so she can’t make her earlier threat a reality. Once you tell her she stands up, “I am gonna kill him.” As she goes into the living room looking for her slip ons to put on her feet, you follow closely behind.

“No An please. Please. Don’t. I don’t want the fucking drama, okay? Plus you’ve been drinking.” you reason quickly trying to convince your friend to calm down.

“That’s why uber exists.” She says matter of factly, you glance at the time now being almost 3.

“If an uber comes and gets you, how do you know he’s home? Please Anna, I beg you.” As you finally reach, the app is already opened, house keys in hand. She glances up at you and sees your pleading eyes.

“Fine. But if he EVER shows his fuckface around here, He has to answer to me.”

“Deal” you rush out almost as if you didn’t see in the moment she would have finished ordering the uber.

“Alright let’s go to bed. I’m not letting you sleep by yourself tonight.” You show a small smile on yourself as you follow Anna back to your room ready to pass out after such a long day.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up the next day, the events from yesterday slowly coming back to you. You don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing that you have no energy to cry. You grab your phone from the end table, mentally thanking your drunk self for plugging it in before passing out. The time on your phone displays 11:30 AM. You can’t help but wince at your background, it’s you and Jack on the boat last summer he’s driving and you're in his lap. Neither of you even knew that Quinn was taking the picture at the time since it’s taken from behind you both.

Later when you asked him why he took it he said “i’ve never seen Jack that happy with a girl.. I wanted to capture a moment where he wasn’t being an asshole with Trevor for once in the summer. Plus it’ll be cute to have pictures from this summer to look back on.”

Little did he know that now it made your stomach sink. You slowly went through your texts from last night and while you were sleeping. A lot of Jack that you don’t open, a few from Anna explaining that she had to go to work and that I was right when I said being hungover at work fucking sucks. One from your boss saying he hopes you feel better which you heart. The most shocking of all a text of all comes from Luke.

baby bro Lukey 👶🏻

received 9:00 AM

Hey I just want to tell you how sorry I am about last night. I don’t know what I thought at the moment, but when Nico told me the little he heard I felt sick because I feel like this is all my fault about what happened at the bar.

Received 9:02 AM

I guess I was trying to save Jack, so he could apologize for being the biggest dumbass in Jersey. But I should have been loyal to you, I mean.. you're basically like a big sister to me. Shit when you met Emmy I introduced you as family. You helped me more than anyone with the stress and anxiety of my rookie year, you always make sure I’m okay, I mean fuck I go you for advice about well everything more than Jack or Quinn. I’m sorry about not choosing you last night to be loyal to you. I don’t expect you to answer I just, I needed to reach out and tell you how fucking sorry I am Y/N/N.

Immediately, you feel tears coming on reading Luke’s text. People in the media always assume that Quinn is the most sensitive, but really it’s Lukey. Immediately you start texting back.

baby bro Lukey 👶🏻

Sent at 11:45 AM

Oh lukey, thank you for your kind words. I don’t blame you in any way shape or form for your jackass of a brother, I am happy you reached out, you’ve always been the sweetest. Right now I need space from everything that reminds of Jack… but I promise we will not stop being friends and you can text me anytime my baby bro Lukey 👶🏻.

baby bro Lukey 👶🏻

Received 11:48

I understand Y/n/n it’s okay but if you need anything I’m here and I know it doesn’t mean anything but I’m sorry for Jack’s actions.

The tears that were welling in your eyes fully, making you cry. You didn’t respond to Luke, but you did love the message. Then you turned around and cried yourself back to sleep.

You woke up to Anna knocking on your door around 7:00. She didn’t bother for a response as she walked in. You turned around so you were facing the door again. As soon as Anna noticed the way you were laying and your bloodshot eyes she came running over. You could tell she had literally just walked into the apartment from work. “Oh Y/N honey” she cooed at you as she got on the bed next to you and held you to her chest, her hands running up and down your back in a comforting way.

Your voice cracked as just above a whisper somehow you were able to get the next words out of your mouth. “I - I thought it was a dream.” As a loud sob left your mouth. As you bring one hand to grip your chest trying to dull the pain and the other grabbing tightly onto Anna’s sweater just trying to keep yourself grounded.

“I know sweetheart. I wish it was for you,” She whispers as she holds onto you trying to bring you some sort of comfort to you as you experience one of the worst pains you have ever felt.

Luke’s POV

Luke was just hanging out in his room playing some random PC game he just spent today trying to avoid Jack at all cost. He was feeling pretty pissed at him for hurting Y/N plus Jack hasn’t been in the best mood today after everything that’s happened over the last 24 hours or so. Luke thinks he did a pretty good job ignoring Jack since he only saw him once today right after Y/N had texted him back. A small part of him felt pity for Jack, he looked like absolute shit. Luke doesn’t remember the last time he saw his brother not only nurse such a shitty hangover but look so…broken. But his brain immediately reminds him of what he did and he hates him for hurting someone he considered a sister. Luke took all the food and drinks he would need for the remainder of the day to his room when he ran into Jack this afternoon, deciding that he didn’t deserve Luke’s presence at least not today after what he did.

Luke noticed his phone lighting up on his desk, he saw Quinn’s contact flash on the screen. Even though he wanted to murder Jack for last night, he still respected Quinn. he decided to pause his game to answer. Once he opened the message he noticed Quinn sent something in the group chat, - but it wasn’t the group chat with just Luke and his brothers, it was the one that was used much more often the one that included Y/N - Luke’s stomach dropped because he didn’t know what was about to happen but he knew it wasn��t gonna end well.

Quinny -

Sent at 8:03 PM

Hey, have we all decided what we’re getting dad for his birthday??

I want to order it ASAP before we forget

It’s in like 2 ½ weeks.

8:05 PM

Y/N has left the group chat the hughes & future hughes

Quinny

Sent 8:05

Ummm.. why the fuck did Y/N just leave

Jack did y’all get another heated debate earlier about the what’s the best beer again 🤣🤣

Jackey

Sent 8:06

I’m not doing this right now.

I can’t believe she left

Jackey has left the groupchat the hughes & future hughes

Luke felt the stomach drop, the familiar feeling of anxiety slowly rising in his stomach. He started mumbling a slur of curse words as he read everything unfolding. He actually felt like he could throw up when he saw Quinn Facetiming him. Luke dropped his phone in shock, falling under his desk. “Shit shit shit shit fuck me fuck me fuck fuck fuck” He started repeating like a prayer trying to bring himself comfort as he reached for his phone under the desk. If this was any other time, he would have ignored Quinn and told him to contact them himself if wanted to play “oldest daughter syndrome” for the day. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a normal time and although he would love for Jack to answer to his questions and deal with his “you fucking dumbass” facial expression and fully judging the fuck out of you eyes. He knew Quinn and he knew he was more likely to call Y/N first. Luke still felt like shit for last night, he wasn’t gonna abandon Y/N again, even if she never knew. That simple fact is the only thing that made him bite his lip welcoming the blood from the pressure as he answered the Facetime call.

“Okay what the actual fuck is happening with them??’ Quinn asks with a mixture of confusion and concern in his face. Scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion, but his face full of an underlying message of ‘speak now or my ass is on the next plane out.’

Luke lets a deep breath out, he didn’t even realize he was holding. “Okay I can tell you what I know, but what I do know isn’t much and I need you to promise me you aren’t gonna tell mom and dad.” Luke lists his requests like his agent does when negotiating a new contact.

“Okay..” Quinn says confusion evident in his voice and even more on his face.

“Oh and you can’t contact Y/N -” Luke rushes out.

“What?!” Quinn cuts him off raising his voice, getting annoyed at his little brother’s demands for a simple question.

“Just not today okay…just give her a few days.” Luke reasons

“Why? She’s practically family!” Quinn questions

“Just… promise you won’t. Q, please.” Quinn could hear the desperation in Luke’s face he immediately and reluctantly agreed.

Quinn opens his mouth, talking in a much softer tone “Okay Lukey sure, I promise, now tell me what the fuck happened.”

“Okay like I said I don’t know much but this is what I do know. We had Emmy’s birthday last night and Jack showed up a little late. I mean not super late, normal Jack late but you know-” Luke’s rambling was becoming extremely noticeable as with each word his voice was quickening in speed, his anxiety beginning to be noticeable.

“Luke first take a deep breath buddy.” Quinn patiently waits until Luke takes a few breaths before he begins speaking in a more demanding tone “Now can you please get to the fucking point!” he exclaims.

“Okay so Jack showed up and he was off, like super off. He looked pissed he dragged me to the bar immediately ordering shots demanding we “celebrate Emerison’s big day.” Luke says, making quotation marks with his hands at the last part. “Anyway, after 2 shots I left to dance with Emmy. When I came back to the bar like I swear Q not more than an hour TOPS. He was noticeably getting drunk texting Y/N. At first I didn’t think anything of it but then I saw his face. He looked sad.” Luke admits quietly like he was tattling on his brother and didn’t want Jack to overhear.

“What do you mean by sad? That's not Jack.” Quinn questioned.

“Yeah I know anyway he started telling me how he fucked up and he got in a fight with Y/N/N. I mean Q if it wasn’t for him looking like he just got the shit beat out of him and he was fighting to breathe with a broken rib. I would have laughed it off, cause they never argue even before and when they do it’s a debate at best. But - his face Q. I’ve never seen him like that. I told him to go to her, take an uber. Hell I offered to pay for it he refused, ya know his stubborn ass. Anyway, I decided to leave him to himself if he wanted to be an idiot let him, I thought.” Luke suddenly paused as he realized the next part of his story was going to be.

“Okay what happened next moose.” Quinn asked as he started walking around his apartment, he propped his phone so it was sitting up against the wall of his kitchen leaving the frame. Luke figured he was probably making lunch after training.

“Uhh… well I kind of fucked up Quinny.” Admitting it out loud made Luke feel worse than he has all day.

“What? I thought this was about Jack?” Quinn asked.

“Well he did but, I don’t know why he did this but the next time I saw him he was kissing some random girl and-” before Luke could finish his sentence Quinn came back into frame and started yelling.

“HE WAS WHAT?” Quinn asked, shock and anger mixing into his voice.

Luke mumbling the next part “yeah and I don’t know why but I looked towards the door after I saw, I made eye-contact with Y/N”

“Wait Y/N was there???” he questions.

“Yeah she wasn’t at first.She said she didn’t wanna go out but I guess Jack’s texts worked. Quinny as soon as our eyes met I could see the pain in them even from across the bar. I wanted her to not be in pain for long, so I went to Jack and pulled him off her. I told him he’s a fucking jackass, dumbass and all the asses and that Y/N was here. How she saw him, he needed to go fix it cause Y/N doesn’t deserve that shit.” Luke says shame filling his voice.

“Oh Lukey.” Quinn said, a mix of hurt for Y/N and maybe a little disappointment in his brother's actions.

“Trust me, nothing you can say to me will be anything I haven’t already told myself. I fucked up by telling him. I should have gone after her myself and not let her drive home.” Luke refuses to look at the camera as the shame overtakes his body.

“It’s not your fault okay, you thought you were helping her. So that’s it, he went after her and she told him to fuck off I’m assuming?”

“Well I stayed in the bar, I don’t know what happened for a long period of time but Nico ended up finally catching up to them. He told me what he heard, he said that Jack tried blaming Y/N for cheating because they weren’t really dating, they never used titles. I mean everyone knows that but-” Luke starts to rant but it’s cut short by his older brother.

“JACK DID WHAT OH MY GOD I KNEW HE WASN’T THE SMARTEST I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS THAT MUCH OF IMBECILE.” He yells through the phone so loud Luke turns the volume down, he doesn’t want Jack to hear him telling Quinn.

“Yeah well I don’t know anything else, that’s all Nico said and that he cut Jack off from continuing. He also said that Y/N popped the fuck off and apparently it took everything in him not to give her standing ovation.” A breath leaving Luke’s lips somehow his chest feeling lighter than it has all day. “I felt sick when Cap told me so you're doing better than I am. Then again I was a little drunk. I did reach out to Y/N and apologized this morning. I felt like I caused that to happen.”

“No” Quinn cut him off sternly, not letting his youngest brother take any of the blame. “Yeah you might have told him she was there but I’m glad she was because she deserves better. Fuck I wish I didn’t agree to not reach out.” As Quinn pets his fingers on his temples, lightly massaging his slowly building headache that was forming. “Alright I won’t tell mom. She can find out from her son who created the mess. That’s not my problem. When am I allowed to talk to Y/N?Did she answer you this morning?” Quinn asks, finally opening his eyes and looking on the screen.

“Yeah sort of, she said it was okay and it wasn’t my fault for Jack’s actions, but she also said she needed space from anything that reminds her of him.” Luke admits softly.

“See I told you she was too smart for Jack when we met her.She isn’t mad at you Lukey don’t carry guilt that isn’t yours. Was that the whole convo?” he asks,

“I told her I was always here for her but she only loved the message.” Luke softly admits, some of the guilt lifting after talking to Quinn.

“Alright, how many days till I can text her?” Quinn asked

Luke thought for a minute before saying, “Give it four days, Saturday our time in the morning.”

“Fine..” Quinn agrees reductively. “Now down to why I texted the group chat, what the fuck are we gonna get Dad for his birthday?”

——————————————————————————

It’s been exactly 3 days since your breakup with Jack. You silenced his texts along with phone calls so you couldn’t get the notification. You meant what you said when you told him goodbye, even though it has caused your chest constant pain, and be the reason you haven’t left your bed since. Today was Friday, the last day you had on that doctor’s note Anna got you. Still not sure exactly the extent of what she had to do to get it, but alas you were extremely grateful that she did.

You allowed yourself to sleep in, somehow that felt more comforting than being awake. You finally woke up around noon and decided that the hunger in your stomach was greater than your desire to stay in bed. You decide to get up and throw something in the airfryer. You settled on the couch as your food was cooking, deciding what to watch. You spent most of your day just laying on your couch, in and out of sleep while the T.V. blared in the background. You heard your phone ringing and you decided to glance at who was calling to decide if you wanted to answer.

You could feel your heart race speed up, your blood pressure go up and your stomach drop when you read who the call was from. “Mama Hughes” stared up at you. You even blinked a few times to make sure you were reading your phone correctly. But then noticed the time and date on your screen, Friday night 6 PM. This is when Ellen always called you for your weekly check-in. It didn’t matter if Jack was home or not. She has called you every Friday at 6 since the first time you met her at the lakehouse this past summer you realized she probably doesn’t know what happened with Jack. Although, you could be mad at Jack and even ask Luke for space for a few days. You truly couldn’t allow yourself to not answer the call since she has always treated you with open loving arms that any mother would. After the week that you had you really craved the kind of love only a mom can give. You swiped to answer and put the phone to your ear, grateful it wasn’t your normal facetime call instead.

“Hey” you speak with the most normal voice you can muster but you heard your voice crack and winced because there is no way Ellen didn’t hear it.

“Hey Y/N, you don’t sound so well are you sick or are your allergies bothering you more today?” She asked concern laced in her voice, but before you could come up with an answer she added. “Hopefully Jack is taking care of you either way. It’s what you deserve dealing with Jack and Luke’s man colds” Letting a light chuckle out as she thought about how obnoxious they can be when they’re not feeling their best.

You swallowed your throat before you opened your mouth. “No Ellen, um actually I have been just crying a lot so my throat is sore.” As you feel the silent tears steaming down your face at how fucked up it is that you have tell her what her son did. Now you’re regretting your decision to answer the phone because of how awkward the call was about to become.

“Ohh sweetheart, why have you been crying? Is it because of work stress? Or all of Jack’s back to back roadies, you know he’ll be home soon love.’’ She said in a cooing comforting voice. You swear you can feel your heart break a little now.

“No… um…. Jack and I got in a really bad fight this week.” You paused for a moment to try and think of how to word in the nicest way possible what happened. “Well it was a work night and he wanted me to go out with him, to Emmy’s birthday.”

Ellen cuts you off even though you can’t see her face. You know she furrowed her eyebrows now as listening to you. “That’s the girl Luke is dating right?” she asks, making sure she’s following the story correctly.

“Yeah I think they're dating… anyway I said I didn’t want to spend the night drinking cause I had work early the next day and he got mad. We both said some… not nice things and he left. I ended up deciding to just take him home with me after his texts from the bar and a video Jesper had sent me of him looking sad at the bar. But when I got there he….” You stop yourself, deciding if you really should continue telling the mother of the boy who broke your heart exactly how he did. You know Jack probably wouldn’t want his mother to hear about his love life in this detail.

“He what Y/N/N, it’s okay you can tell me. What did he do honey?”

“I saw him with a girl… they were kissing.” your voice whispers on your last few words.

“HE WHAT?” Ellen screamed, you had never heard her so…angry the whole year that you’ve known her. You assumed she muted the phone probably to try to collect herself. Which honestly, you were grateful for because you also muted your phone to let yourself to sob. You're not sure how long you both stayed on the phone, each of you on mute, but somehow it was still more comforting than being alone. You’re truly not sure how much time had passed until you heard Ellen on your phone call for you through your phone.

“Hmm?” you let out.

“I am so sorry that I somehow failed to raise a decent human being. Have you spoken to him yet, did he know you were there? Not that it matters…. I honestly don’t wanna talk to him right now.” she said this in such a monotone voice, that you knew there was no way she wasn’t being honest at the moment.

“Yeah… he followed me outside actually.. to say it was a dumpster fire wouldn’t do it justice… he told me he didn’t really cheat because he didn’t know we were together.” You say somehow some of the anger from that night is coming to you now that you were allowing yourself to think about it.

“wait Y/N we must be having a bad connection. You said he didn’t know you were dating?” the pure shock in her voice making you smile because you knew by the sound of her voice that she was questioning Jack’s actions. You allowed yourself to find comfort in that.

“Yeah” your way of softly confirming her assumptions.

“That’s it. I am booking a flight right now. I mean I can’t stomach looking at him right now. Actually, I guess I’ll book two tickets so Jim can come deal with his son.” The emphasis on “his son” not slipping past you. You could hear Ellen yelling in the background.

“JIM…” She yelled it was obvious they weren’t close to each other at the house at the moment.

“WHAT?” He yelled back that you would hear footsteps in the background.

“Get the suitcases from the garage for me. We’re going to Jersey on the next available flight!” she tells her husband you can hear the rush tone in her voice like she’s running around the house looking for something.

“Why?” he asks curious

“Because your son fucked up more than ever before, Y/N needs me, and it would be nice to see Luke too.” Jim must have decided it wasn’t worth asking any more questions.

“Ellen!” you say possibly a bit louder than intended but you needed to get her attention.

“What?” she asks, coming closer to wherever she sets her phone down.

“Please don't come, okay. I am fine plus I have a lot of errands I need to do this weekend. My apartment is a mess, I have work on Monday, and I don’t think I would be the best company right now.” You say hoping that Ellen decides to not just fly to Jersey because someone who isn’t even blood was crying on a phone call.

“Y/N hear me when I say this, you matter to me and this family minus Jack at the moment. I am not really claiming him at the moment.” You accidentally cut her off a chuckle escaping from your lips, Jack definitely got his attitude from his mom. “Okay.. I don’t care about your apartment, if you want I can stay at the door and we can just go to lunch. It’s good to get out of your apartment. Plus I would love to see Luke - the boys always claim I show him favoritism. Which I deny but he is definitely my favorite… my own little moose. Plus I already bought my tickets for this Sunday and I can’t cancel it because it’s too close to get a refund. So you will definitely see me this weekend.”

You know there isn’t any convincing her otherwise, even if she didn’t already buy her tickets. You let out a deep sigh as you let out an “okay.” You quickly said your goodbyes and hung up.You glance at the time to see it’s almost 6:30 and decide you probably should cook a proper meal for yourself for the first time this week. Since you haven’t eaten since noon before your nap, only to realize you were out of everything in your apartment.

Jack’s POV

It had officially been three days since Jack felt he made the biggest mistake of his life. He tried to reach Y/N multiple times through text and calling, he knows she didn’t block him because it shows that she read them.. Luke has barely even glanced at Jack since Tuesday, which given that they live together is impressive. Especially considering the fact both of them were on the same team and had multiple practices together since. Coach tried to talk to them today after practice about it because he finally became fed up after 2 practices. Luke is not one to be an asshole to any of the coaching staff so it was a shock to Jack when he heard the words out of Luke’s coach.

“Sir respectively, am I not still doing my job? In fact am I not doing it better than what some would refer to as my brother?” If it wasn’t for the fact that it was a dig at Jack himself, there is no way he could have stayed quiet with a roast like that.

“EXCUSE me?” Coach asked. But it really wasn’t a question, it was a statement, a warning.

“Okay sorry, but we’ve been fighting lately.” Luke mumbles out his excuse, but Jack was too busy looking at his skates. Wondering how they could get so much dirt on them when he played in an arena.

“Jack sorry to interrupt whatever the fuck your looking at” Jack could sense the annoyance in Coach’s voice but he didn’t care to look up yet. “But do you have anything to add about this little “fight” y’all seem to have had and why the fuck it’s showing up on my rink!” Their Coach demands the last part, not leaving any room for interruption on how he was feeling about this situation, absolutely fucking pissed.

Jack finally decides to look up and speak for the first time. “No coach. I am sorry. Luke was right I haven’t been playing myself, take me off the line if you want. Don’t punish Moos-” Jack almost let the childhood nickname slip out but he knew Luke wouldn’t want Jack to use it right now. “Don’t punish Luke for this. I deserve to sit out. -”

Coach decided he couldn’t listen to any more of Jack’s shitty attempt at a speech that wasn’t giving him answers to anything he was asking.“ LISTEN HUGHES, BOTH OF YOU, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOUR FIGHT STARTED WITH AT HOME. BUT YOUR AT WORK, AT WORK YOU GOTTA BE PROFESSIONAL. YOU THINK I LIKE EVERYONE HERE -FUCK NO - BUT I STILL GOTTA SEE THEIR DUMBASSES EVERYDAY! Y'ALL ARE BROTHERS FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT.” Luke and Jack glance at each other for the first time in days. For the first time in days, he felt a wave of hope. Maybe if Luke could look at him it means he could forgive him, and if Luke could forgive, of course his angel Y/N maybe could too.

“You know she was important to me too. She was family and although she says nothing will change I know it will never be the same. I am pissed at you, pissed at you for hurting Y/N. But also pissed at you because for some reason that night I looked at you when you came back J, I felt so guilty for pointing her out to you, because of what Nico said he overheard. But I looked over at the bar, you just sat there like nothing fucking happened and that’s just wrong.”

Before I can respond, Coach cuts in “Wait this is about Y/N? I wouldn’t have thought Y/N would be the reason y’all would fight, I mean Jack haven’t y’all been dating for 6 months?” Obviously at this point just deciding to be fucking nosey. Luke didn’t mind as much as I did.

“OH MY GOD THANK YOU! THIS DUMBASS WENT AND KISSED A GIRL AND THEN BLAMED IT ON Y/N BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY NEVER TALKED ABOUT BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND LABELS OR BEING IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP!” Jack could have sworn to God in that moment that he had never seen his Coach laugh so hard as he is right now. I mean the man had hands on his knees, tears in his eyes laughing at me.

“Oh wow… Jack your fucked in the head if you really thought that.” Coach exclaims after his laughing fit.

“Coach, he didn't think so. He told her that and more.” Luke says smug now that someone else agrees with him that i messed up.

“Oh son. Whoo I ain’t jealous of you boy.” and with that the Coach leaves the locker room leaving Luke and Jack by themselves. Since all the other boys had left earlier because he and Luke had to do 20 bag skates due to their “issues” with each other.

“You know I regret that entire day right? I - I fucked up Lukey and now -” For the first time in days Jack let himself think about her physically walking away from him. Jack doesn’t cry often especially in front of people but the fact that it was just Luke he didn’t give a fuck. Jack let himself feel the pain that his own actions caused. It's what he felt he deserved. Jack fell into his bench and let his mind wander as it took him back to that night. He was so out of it he didn’t notice Luke kneeling down in front of him and put one of his hands on Jack’s knee trying to grab his brother’s attention.

“Hey.. Jack…okay” It’s like Jack’s ears were under water he could only hear every other word. His next thought made him spiral only deeper into the hole his ,ind created as he thought, ‘fuck did I make her feel like this.’

“JACK.” Finally Jack made eye contact with his brother. “Good, take a deep breath, you’re alright dude.” Luke stays like that, one hand on Jack’s knee, the other holding the back of his neck so his eyes don’t wander. Actually it took until that moment for Jack to realize that Luke’s other hand was on the nape of his neck. “You alright?” Luke talks in a low voice even though they are the only ones in the locker room, somehow a louder voice would feel too loud in the moment.

“Yeah as good as I can be.” I answer in a rugged voice from just finishing crying.

“Look I don’t hate you, you're my brother, but I am still mad at you okay? I just - I don’t know dude.” Luke says it like he’s thought about this in detail and yet still can’t wrap his mind around the events that took place. Jack thinks about if only Luke knew how bad the first fight of that day was, when he tried to call her a gold digger. Jack knew she was anything but that, yet he couldn’t help this thought taking over his mind. He remembered she always put even a simple Starbucks coffee her order in on the app so that Jack couldn’t pay for it. How she would deny Jack’s venmo requests when he tried to shower her with money for her coffee that week or so she could buy that new pair of shoes she wanted.

“I know” Jack mumbles but when he catches Luke’s eyes he can’t help but desperately ask his next question. “Have you talked to her?” The worry in Jack’s voice is almost as bad as the impulse to ask about her. This is the longest that Jack has gone without talking to her since the night they met. Jack was desperate to know how she was, he longed to go to her apartment and see her. Especially, since he hasn’t been able to sleep without sleeping pills because she’s not in his arms.

“We texted the day after but I started it and it wasn’t long. I have no idea how she's doing but I also respect Y/N enough to not tell you because she wouldn’t want me to.” Luke spoke softly but matter-of-factly. He also didn’t want to make his brother emotional again, people always say Quinn is the most awkward with emotions but it was by far Luke. He struggled with his own emotions and shyness, when people showed raw emotions he felt frozen, wanting to help but not knowing where to begin.

“Right, of course.. No problem Lukey.” Jack stood up and started taking his gear from practice. Slowly his anger built at the entire mess, but somehow it ticked Jack off more that Luke was siding with Y/N. But his heart and his soul has never been more grateful because if he couldn’t look out for Y/N at least his little brother was able to.

“Alright I guess I’ll see you at home” Luke says as he heads for the shower, having already been half out of his gear before the coach made them stay to talk.

“Actually I have some errands to run so I’ll catch you later.” Jack rushes out to stay as he decides to just change into sweats.

“Jack.. promise me you aren’t going over there” Jack looks at Luke as his words process in his mind. Jack can see the fear in his brother's eyes and it makes his stomach hurt again.

“I promise I have errands to run. I need go get some groceries and dry cleaners.''He turns around finishing packing his gear, sliding his car keys and wallet in his pocket. “Hey do you have anything you need from Trader Joe’s I might stop on the way home?” Jack quickly slides his sneakers on.

“Nah, I'm good. See ya at home I guess.” As he disappears behind the wall to shower.

Y/Ns POV

You decided ultimately that you didn’t have any food in your apartment. because of your mood the last couple days, you’ve been ordering way too much Doordash and your bank account couldn’t financially support that continuing. You decided to take your time getting ready to go to Trader Joe’s mostly because you have been in pj’s for an embarrassing amount of time. You made your way out of your house in jeans and some light makeup. Somehow getting dressed like a normal human helped your mood improve.

By the time you made it to the grocery store across Newark you could see it was dusk and getting colder. The only hoodie you had in your car was Jack’s. you really didn’t want to wear his hoodie after everything, but you hated the idea of being cold more, so you put it on. You hated the fact that it still smelt like him, but you loathed the fact the amount of comfort it brought you. Trying your best to ignore the smell of his cologne, You grabbed your wallet and reusable bags and made your way inside. You kept your hood up and a hat on, along with your sunglasses. Unfortunately living in this town and your relationship, sometimes you got recognized. The fans were wonderful, but the idea of running into any fans on your first outing out of your apartment made your stomach hurt. You grabbed a cart on your way in and put on your earbuds in. Jack always hated you putting both earbuds in, claiming that it wasn’t safe. You thought to yourself that’s the first positive thing you’ve come up with since everything happened. You smiled to yourself feeling like this trip was your first step of self healing.

That was until you got distracted walking down the frozen isle looking at all the snacks looking for your favorite. Pushing your cart along you didn’t realize how close you were to the end of the isle and t-boned a cart. You were about to say a passing apology as you pulled your cart and they moved their cart forward. You knew that side profile from anywhere. You glanced up and The person you just happen to bump into with a cart on first trip out the apartment is no other than Jack Rowden fucking Hughes.

#jack hughes fic #jack hughes fanfiction #jack hughes angst #jack hughes x reader #quinn hughes x platonic!reader #luke hughes x platonic!reader #nhl fanfication #nhl fic #new jersey devils fic #schwritingsjh86

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vesora · 2 years

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3D Unfavourable Circumstances: Experience Ramble + Reminder

We have all heard that the 4D is the source reality which the 3D then projects.

What happens when undesirable circumstances occur in your reality?

The past few days I have been feeling incredibly shit because of some circumstances and I fell down a spiral of self-loathing, wanting to hide from the world and just leaving life. When something bad happened, I said to myself omg sora youre so unlucky, your life is so shit all the time, no one likes you sora, sora you will die alone and I revelled in that. I immersed myself in that feeling because it was so comfortable to me because pain was what I felt for a long period of time so I actually started chastising me for it. I didn't understand how I manifested these bad things to happen and I felt like a failure in manifestation because why weren't they going away? The thing about me though is I always had both a good view and a bad view of myself so my mind was in a constant fight with each other. With LOA, I now learn that I can choose to give power to only the good side until the bad side dissipates away.

As one of the unfavourable circumstances happened, I let myself feel anxious but in my head I also affirmed against it. "Wow I am so lucky. I am having such a beautiful day. I love life so much." Usually I wouldn't let myself revise because I felt that was important in my development but now I just let go and choose my happiness FIRST. I can learn lessons and still be able to revise any desired events.

when any circumstance happens,

the 3d looks to YOU for validation.

A misconception we have even if we know the law is that the 3d is indicative of our success or not when in reality its only job is to reflect what you believe. When you're in any circumstance, the 3d looks at you and sees your reactions whether you accept it or not and then reacts accordingly. If things don't rectify immediately, do not worry, KEEP PERSISTING. Its only job is to fulfill your beliefs, right or wrong.

What if you react to the 3d?

It's really okay if you do. Your manifestations are not going anywhere. If you can in the moment though, affirm against it. It's not easy, it can be hard even for me but you must only focus on the new story primarily. Dont worry if you think ab the old story don't worry at all, you're still manifesting everything!

When I went through a self loathing spiral, I realised people around me were more prone to picking fights with me because I was unable to let that shit go. I kept focusing on how people are mean to me and how people don't understand me, forgetting I am the cause AND the solution.

I opened a healing meditation and my body was rejecting it at first but I finally let myself relax. Once I got into a calmer state, I started affirming good things and things were back to normal again. Progress might not be linear so do not give up.

Tldr; the 3d looks to you for validation. you are the only influence for your reality, use this power to be happy. it's ok to react to the 3d, remember to revise later. Do something that calms your body. Remember not all thoughts are true, only accept the thoughts you want because you choose which thoughts are true so choose the good ones. Youre not a failure, your body and mind might be going crazy sometimes but that doesn't mean you're a failure. Just affirm against it, whether its at that moment or later.

Don't overthink things. If bad things happen, stop asking yourself why, just focus on the 4D and leave the 3D alone or know that it must change and your pain is temporary sweetheart. It will go away, it must. Life was not made for suffering. Life is supposed to be easy. I love you and hang in there.

#law of assumption #manifestation #loa #neville goddard #law of attraction #affirmations #manifesting #manifest #self concept

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spiderlandry · 1 year

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steady ticking of a clock (part 1) — ethan landry

Description: You and Ethan became childhood friends when you began talking to each other across your balconies in New Jersey. You both reunite in New York City, older and yet still young; consequently making Ethan face what could have been and what could be.

Pairing: Ethan Landry x GN!Reader (they/them)

Warnings/Tags: unedited (but will edit soon🤝), fluff, angst, open ending but it will be resolved in part 2 🫠, a bit unrealistic college life but for plot reasons

Word Count: 3.4k

Author’s Note: ignore the new york/jersey inaccuracies ive never been there

Ethan once came up with a plan to stay in one spot forever. A point in time that he can live over and over again, never having to move forward with the uncertainty of what shall come next. That point was his childhood aprtment in New Jersey, the week before you left. His solution was a time machine—and he laid out his plans to you when you were almost teenagers.

Your apartment was right next to his. Your balconies were close enough that you could hold a conversation, and your secret meetings soon became the highlight of Ethan’s day. It may have been the mystery of it all; always separated by a fissure between the two platforms but still finding a way to communicate.

Ethan knew the reason he spoke to you was because he felt bad that you were new to the building, and overheard you talking on the phone to a friend back home and telling them that you’d felt lonely in the new city. He even surprised himself with the way he began the conversation with demanding you become his friend rather than asking politely like his father taught him to.

You never had the chance to talk to him face-to-face until you broke the news of your moving to another state once again. It was a vivid memory, the way Ethan’s heart cracked, and he rushed over out into the hallway and told you to meet him out there. He hugged you and said, I’m going to make a time machine so we can live here forever.

Perhaps he had taken your presence for granted, because the next week, you were gone. He never went out into the balcony again.

And now, in New York City, at a frat party Chad dragged him to, Ethan began to think that maybe it wasn’t too late to change his major to theoretical physics and get started on that time machine.

Because you were there. In front of him.

Though you were older, taller, and had an air of confidence around you he‘d never seen but figured you could always have—your smile never changed. The hair was different, but the curve of your lips and the wrinkle of your nose stayed the same. You held a drink in your hand but it wasn’t alcoholic, and Ethan’s mind ran wild with the prospect of your interests and the reasons behind them. You‘ve gained more life experience, just as he had. But that excited him. He wanted to know more, know everything, and know you just as much as he knew you then.

“It’s been a while,” you said. It did a good job of snapping him out of his stupor.

“Um—yeah,” he stammered, putting his hands in his jacket pockets. “It has.”

“You live in New York?”

He scratched an invisible itch on his neck. “Since the last year of high-school. You?”

Maybe his heart broke a second time when you said, “Oh, no. I’m just visiting.”

He was so sure it worsened the one he already had from the first time you left. But there’s no way he’d let you know, if he had anything to do with it.

“How long are you gonna be here, then?” He tried to brush off the slight tremor in his voice, the way he tapered off the question. Hopefully you forgot his tells.

“I’m just here for a few days,” you shrugged. He realized that you sounded sad about it too, but maybe it was wishful thinking on his part. “I’m going back Sunday.”

He held back from asking where exactly you were going back to, but you must have read his mind because you added: “I’m in Chicago now, by the way. Probably dumb, but do you remember—“

The answer tumbled out of him on instinct. “That’s where your brother wanted to go for college.”

A sweet smile graced your face upon hearing it. “Yeah,” you chuckled. “He’s—that’s why we moved again. You go to Blackmore?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “This is just—“ he cringed when somebody bumped into him, spilling a bit of their drink. He subsequently moved to lean against the closest wall out of the way. “I don’t party. Not really. I hate it.”

Pausing, you thought for a moment. “Let’s go outside.”

Ethan hoped he still meant something to you. He was a sentimental person. When he loves somebody, that love will always be there, whether platonic or romantic. But he didn’t know what you were like. Maybe you’d become cold, or mean, though he doubted that because your smile warmed him like the sun.

“How’s the family?” You asked, keeping a short distance from the frat house, leaning against a fence.

“The same,” he sighed. “You?”

“The same.” You grinned. “Does Quinn study here, too?”

“Yeah, yeah she does.”

There was an awkward beat where neither of you knew how to continue this conversation. So much for being childhood friends, he thought.

“Are you…are you with anybody?” You suddenly asked, Ethan’s heart dropping upon hearing it.

At his bewildered expression, you clarified, “I mean at this party! Did you come here with a friend or alone?”

He laughed, relieved. “Yeah, my friend dragged me here. Why? Are you?”

“Visiting my friend. I was just asking because…you know…maybe we could ditch the party for a bit,” you shrugged.

“Really? I mean,” He was a tad too excited. He cleared his throat, reverting his voice back into a lower register, “Really?”

It was your turn to laugh. “Really. I can just text my friend, he’ll understand.”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“Anywhere.”

Walking under the moonlight with nobody else around, Ethan gradually became more comfortable getting to know you all over again. He found out you chose to follow in your brother’s footsteps in studying law in Chicago. You liked milkshakes, your cat was still alive and kicking, and your favourite food was the same as it was years ago.

You got to know him, too. He told you about his major, about his friends, about what he hated in college along with its advantages. You seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say, and though it’s not a competition or anything, he was so sure he was more interested in you than you were of him. He hung onto your every word. He finally opened up the locked box containing his most precious memories of you (every single one of them, that is), and he could add to it again.

There was no doubting of your ability to draw him back into your orbit, regardless of the time lost. Hopefully he would be the same to you.

Look, Ethan hated icebreakers. But when you suggested to play twenty-one questions, he couldn’t possibly turn you down.

They were simple questions. Favourite colour, the place you wanted to travel most, anything either of you thought of.

But you asked: “First love?”

He did not hesitate to answer: “Pass,” Ethan shook his head. “My turn.”

“Wait—hey!” You protested. “You cannot do that.”

“I can do what I want.” He was grinning, but there was a pit in his stomach telling him not to let you find out that he’d never been with anybody.

“Why don’t you wanna answer?”

“Because I don’t!”

You hummed. “I bet you’re still heartbroken,” you teased. “Fine, let’s keep going.”

He didn’t think to ask you about your first love. Maybe he did it on purpose. He really didn’t want that kind of knowledge, it would eat at him knowing he wasn’t yours.

Why, though? As you both reached Ethan’s dorm building, he looked at you—whywhywhywhywhywhy—Why did he hate the idea of him not being your first love?

He didn’t have time to think about that.

He invited you into his dorm with a smile, screaming internally.

Seeing you sitting on his dorm bed was straight out of his dreams. Surreal.

“You’re a sophomore, right?”

“Uhm, yeah.” He sat down at his desk, fidgeting with his hands. “I forgot you’re a year older than me.”

There was a few moments of silence where you were just…staring at him. He resisted cowering under your gaze because it really did look like you were just zoning out.

Unbeknownst to him, you had to force yourself to close your mouth at the sight. You had an elevated view of him just sitting there. But it was the way he sat with legs spread far apart, with a devilish grin, leaning back—how could you focus?

“I can’t believe you forgot,” you continued as if it that didn’t just happen. “I never used to let you live it down. I never would have, if I hadn’t left.”

He shook his head. He never wanted to imagine what could have happened if you stayed.

“What else would have happened?” He began. “If you stayed, I mean.”

“We probably would have gone to high school together,” you said nonchalantly. “A friend group, maybe? How was your high school experience?”

“Not…great.”

“Me too, actually. It would’ve been better if you were there.”

“Let’s change the subject,” he nervously laughed. “How’s pre-law?”

In the middle of your conversation, at almost midnight, Ethan’s phone pinged with a text from his roommate.

Chad

hey bro not gonna be home tonight im staying at taras

That’s when he got the idea.

“What?” You blurted. He looked at you, confused.

“What do you mean, what?”

“You’ve got that look.”

“What look?”

“Like you just realized something.”

He stared up at you, amazed that you could read him so easily even after the time apart.

“Do you wanna stay over?” He asked before the courage ran out. “I have some clothes you can wear, and I’ll sleep in my roommate’s room since he’s not coming home tonight.”

Thankfully, you agreed.

SATURDAY

You woke up with twenty messages from your friend asking where you were. You frantically responded saying you were fine, along with your friend cancelling plans. You went to get Ethan to wake him up.

Much to your surprise, he was already in the tiny kitchen, preparing breakfast.

“Since when do you wake up this early?” You took the mug of coffee he handed you. Even if he never knew how you liked it, it was still somehow perfect.

“Just for my special guest,” he teased. “After all, can’t have my lawyer starve to death.”

You laughed as handed you a plate and got one for him, too.

“Are you busy this weekend?” You asked.

Ethan stopped his actions for a moment, and you were sure he looked confused.

“Uh…no. Why?”

“Wanna take me sightseeing around the city? I’ve never been to New York before.”

His head tilted like a puppy, and those doe eyes certainly weren’t helping.

“What about your friend? The one you’re visiting?”

“He cancelled,” you shrugged. “We’ve been hanging out the past few days, anyway.”

The sweet boy, your Ethan, smiled and said he would take you. After you both finished breakfast, you went back to your hotel room to shower and change.

Being with Ethan again re-energized you. You didn’t know what it was about him, maybe it was how you imagined a future with him when you were kids until you were so rudely ripped from each other’s lives too soon, or how he grew up to be a good guy like you always thought.

Spending the day with him, he said he’d take you to his favourite places He called himself your tour guide.

“Oh, yeah?” You bantered, walking side by side on the street. Though the city was loud, the bubble in which you entered while with Ethan was quiet. “Are you gonna take me to all the tourist spots?”

“No,” there it was again. That devilish grin. Not devilish, not really. You were sure he didn’t mean it to be so mischievous but his half-lidded eyes made you think otherwise. “You’re getting the Ethan Special.”

“And what might that be?”

“Places that aren’t this crowded.” He shrugged. “One might even call them…underground.”

“You’re dumb,” you laughed as you reached the subway station. “Where’s the first stop?”

“You’ll find out.”

It was a tiny, locally-owned bookshop in Brooklyn. When you walked in, the old man at the counter personally greeted Ethan with a grin.

“I remember you said you love books,” Ethan mentioned sheepishly, trailing you as you gawked in awe of the shelves. “The guy who owns this place is a family friend of ours, so we got a discount. I’ll pay for whatever you want.”

Your head snapped to his direction. “No way, E. Nope.”

“What—why?”

“Books are expensive. I have my own money, anyway.”

“Come on, Y/N. Just let me pay once. My dad’s covering college costs so I’ve been saving.”

“You’re so spoiled,” you smirked. “Fine. But once. And I’ll only get one book, I don’t wanna hurt your bank account.”

“You’re so lame, dude.”

You playfully shoved him. God, the proximity between you two was intoxicating—the place was small.

He convinced to get you three books once he saw you eyeing certain ones. You reluctantly agreed, but with the promise of paying for lunch.

You kept your promise, paying for him at his favourite Indian restaurant.

Despite his insistence not to take you to touristy spots, he said he couldn’t let you leave until he took you to the Brooklyn Bridge.

Though it was crowded, it was perfect because Ethan was with you the entire time.

The way he was taking care of you, watching out for you at every moment, wasn’t lost on you at all. It warmed your heart. But you began to dread tomorrow, when you had to leave.

Ethan’s curls blew in the wind. The sun kissed his skin like it was made for him, and your heart hammered against your ribs while you stared at his side profile looking to the expanse of the river. He was beautiful. Your legs were numb but you never wanted to leave.

“Shit,” his swear caught you off guard. “I forgot I told Chad I would do the grocery shopping this week.”

“Did you tell him where you are?”

“No, he probably thinks I’m getting groceries right now.”

You smiled. “Then let’s get groceries.”

“But—but what about your trip?”

“What about it? Let’s go!” You ran ahead of him, and he chased after you.

You and Ethan went back to his dorm to drop off the books and get his car. There was something surreal about seeing him so grown-up. As kids, you never clearly envisioned becoming an adult except that you wanted Ethan in it. Sitting in the passenger seat, the domesticity of your actions made you realize how much of a disservice moving away was for your younger self. You were robbed of seeing Ethan grow up with you, somehow.

Getting groceries with Ethan was more fun than you expected. He made it fun, cracking jokes and even offering to buy you snacks.

After you’d both unloaded the groceries, Ethan asked, “What now?”

The fatigue had caught up to you rather quickly. You suggested a movie, he agreed. It was supposed to be simple.

Somehow, some way, you ended up in his arms as the sun went down. By then he had already relaxed himself against the couch and fell asleep.

You felt a buzz from your jacket pocket, a text from your friend coming through; one who knew about your spending the day with Ethan.

how was it?

i think i fell in love with him

SUNDAY

Ethan was up all night tossing, turning, and thinking. Spending a whole day with you right next to him was all he’d ever wanted in life. Forget his other dreams, he needed you. Nothing trumped how he felt being with you.

He sent you a text first thing in the morning.

when’s ur flight?

You responded a few minutes later:

at three.

doing anything today?

not really

can I take you somewhere? i’ll pick u up

You weren’t sure what he had in mind, but you agreed regardless.

Turns out, it was the Morgan Library and Museum. You marvelled as you entered, and Ethan, unbeknownst to you, admired your beauty while you turned your head up to the high ceilings.

You were to leave today. He had to tell you what was on his mind at some point before that or else he was positive he would go crazy.

In a small, particularly secluded and quiet corner in the building, he stopped walking. It took you a few seconds to realize, but when you did a few feet ahead of him, you strode back in bewilderment.

“What are you doing standing here, come on.”

“I…” he sighed. “I have to tell you something.”

Your face visibly dropped along with his heart.

“What is it?”

“I think I have f—”

You immediately held your hand up, “Don’t say it.” You whispered, glancing around as if there were people around to hear.

Ethan’s face felt hot. “Why?” You couldn’t have possibly known what he was going to say, could you? Or maybe you just read his mind so easily. “You don’t know what I’m gonna say.”

“Please, Ethan.” You knew that look. Subconsciously, your mind permanently burned his face the day you told him you were leaving. This time, though, he stood more confident, taller, more sure of himself. And you didn’t want to go down this path. You begged him not to say it.

“Let me say it,” he pleaded as you did. “I want you in my life. Forever. Preferably as—like, maybe, more than friends. Or not. Whatever you want. I can take you on dates, we’ll call every night, and I’ll visit—”

You covered his mouth with your hand, effectively cutting him off. He saw the sheen in your eyes.

“Don’t,” you whispered.

His heart shattered like you had taken a hammer to a glass wall.

Once you were sure he got the message, you took off your hand.

“We can be friends, Ethan.” You blinked back tears. “But not more than that.”

“That’s—I’m good with that.”

“You don’t understand,” you shook your head.

“I think I do.”

“You don’t.” You snapped. “Because I want to be with you, too.”

A flicker of hope in his chest extinguished in the next second.

“Then let’s be together.”

“We can’t,” you insisted. “I don’t do distance, E. And I want to this—us—right.”

You stared into each other’s eyes, both begging for opposite things in silence.

Ethan was thinking, you could tell. He clenched his jaw.

His mind looped only one scenario at this moment. One where you stayed. He let himself think about what would happen if you hadn’t left, just this once, he let himself indulge in the fantasy, and asked:

“If you stayed,” he took a deep breath, pulling you closer with a caress of your jaw. “Could…could you have fallen in love with me?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, unable to look him in the eyes. He pulled up your chin in retaliation. “I would have.”

“What about now?”

“You don’t want me to answer that.” I already have, you thought.

That was when it hit him.

You were his first love. That’s why he hated the thought of someone else getting to love you the same way he always wanted to.

His heart tied itself to yours across that balcony, years and years ago, without warning. He was meant to find you, and he knew that you would both find each other time and time again, against all odds.

“Bet you wish you made that time machine now, hm?” You joked, lightening the mood after a beat.

To his surprise, he laughed. With his heart still in pieces in your hands. Without his knowledge, you had left your future in Jersey.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Do you think it’s too late?”

“It is,” you put your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder and reveling in his warmth. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“You don’t need it. Because we’ll be friends. Stay in each other’s lives, no matter what. Then, when the time is right…”

“We’ll find each other again.”

#ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #scream 6 #scream 6 x reader #scream vi #scream #scream x reader #ethan landry fluff #ethan landry angst

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chronosdawn · 6 months

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Disequilibrium - Vampire!Zhongli x GN!Reader

Do I have a good reason for writing yet another drabble about vampires? No, not really, but here we are nonetheless.

Content warnings: contains blood-drinking and biting, could be interpreted as yandere if you squint at it.

Word count: 1.4k

You had never realized how much body heat was able to seep through clothing until now. The motionless, shirt-covered chest beneath your palms leached the heat from your fingers through the fine fabric. You fought against a shudder as Zhongli carefully moved the collar of your shirt away from the base of your neck, revealing the soft skin underneath. It was a struggle to keep the muscles relaxed as he’d told you to, even if you knew the advice was given solely for your benefit, to make sure his fangs did as little damage as possible when they sliced into your flesh.

This was far from the first time he’d fed from you, but it would be the first time he’d done so in his house, the opulent surroundings a far cry from the spartan space you called a bedroom. All of the previous feedings had taken place there; it was to help you relax, he’d said, much easier for you to draw on the comfort of being in your own space to get through those first few times. And now that you’d grown used to the pain and the odd numbness that followed, to the dizziness that plagued you for at least a full day following each one of your sessions, you’d been deemed ready to attempt something a little further outside your comfort zone.

The feeling of Zhongli’s chest moving under your hands brought you back to the present—a breath drawn to facilitate speech rather than out of any actual need.

“You’re nervous,” he said, his voice low in your ear. “Have I pushed for this too soon?” Whether he was referring to your current location, or the fact you were currently seated in his lap when all of your prior encounters had involved only your wrist and a healthy amount of personal space, you couldn’t say. Regardless of which it was, you shook your head, thinking of the contract you’d signed—dark red ink on thick vellum.

“No, not at all, you’ve been very patient with me. I just need to get used to it, I think.”

“If you’re sure.” From this position it was impossible to make out his expression, the side of his face only just visible out of the corner of your vision. “I have some calming teas I could brew for you before we progress, if you believe it would help you to relax.”

“No, that’s okay,” you replied hurriedly, “best to just get it over with. Thank you for the offer though.”

You expected that to be the end of the discussion but Zhongli still made no move to bite you, instead tracing circles over the area where your neck met your shoulder with his thumb. He must have removed the gloves he always wore without your notice, you realized at the sensation of his ice cold skin against your own.

“I would not have suggested this if I thought you were incapable of handling it. Just remember everything I’ve told you and the pain will only be brief.”

You nodded and shut your eyes, allowing him to take more of your weight as you did your best to relax against him. The arm around your waist held you steady, while the hand at your neck moved to delicately grip the back of your head, carefully tilting it to provide better access to the network of veins at the base of your throat.

The feeling of his fangs slicing through your flesh was familiar and foreign all at once. The initial sting of the bite felt no different at your neck than at your wrist, but you’d underestimated how much more intimate the whole experience would be compared to what you were used to. It took everything in you not to panic and start struggling—not that you’d have anywhere to go if you did. Zhongli’s hold on you was gentle but firm, and you knew without trying that fighting against it would be an exercise in futility and little else. It was safer like this, he’d told you, back when it was only an arm he’d held as opposed to your entire body. If you moved while he was feeding then there was far too much risk of you injuring yourself, of his fangs tearing inelegantly through your flesh before he had the chance to pull away.

As promised, the pain was short-lived, replaced with a numbness that slowly spread across your shoulder. You tried to block out the sensation, along with the sounds of him lapping up your blood, so much louder now that it was right by your ear. Instead you directed your thoughts towards the contract, no doubt stored somewhere in this house, hidden away between trinkets and finery collected over hundreds, if not thousands, of years. You thought of the promises made in stark red on cream, of why you were spending your Friday night in the lap of something many would call a monster instead of being out with your friends.

Finally, after minutes that seemed to stretch into an eternity, Zhongli drew away from your neck with a final swipe of his tongue to keep any blood from trickling down and staining your shirt. The area was already starting to tingle faintly as his vampiric magic began to work at the twin puncture wounds, knitting skin back together such that by the time tomorrow came, the only evidence of the bite would be the weakness plaguing your limbs.

“You did well,” he said, the hand at your side moving in soothing strokes over your waist. “As I knew you would. How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” you replied a little breathlessly, going to sit up more only to be hit by a sudden wave of vertigo. “I’m a little dizzy though.”

“That’s perfectly normal after a feeding. Are you able to stand?”

“I think so.” Zhongli’s hold on you loosened and you attempted to slide off his lap, only to have the room spin and blur around you the moment your feet touched the floor. You were forced to cling onto him just to keep yourself upright, your hand scrunching the fabric of his shirt.

“Oh dear,” you heard spoken softly behind you. Zhongli stood and lifted you into his arms in a single fluid motion, your head lolling against his chest as the movement sent the room spiraling anew. “It appears I may have taken too much, my apologies. If you are amenable to it, I would like to suggest you stay here and rest for the night. I would like to keep a close eye on you over the next couple of hours and I fear if I take you to your own abode, I will not be able to watch over you if I wish to make it back before sunrise.”

You tried to nod in agreement only to immediately regret it as your surroundings twisted up around you, instead muttering a soft confirmation before closing your eyes. The movement of air over your limbs told you Zhongli was carrying you deeper into his home as you lay limp in his arms. Any thoughts of protest were buried under the churning motion in your head and the nausea that followed. You doubted you’d even be able to make it to the front door in your present condition, let alone the half hour walk it would take for you to get home. And that was if Zhongli would even allow such a thing, the vampire had been nothing if not fastidious about your safety ever since you’d signed the final stroke of your name.

There was the sound of a door opening and it wasn’t long before you were lowered onto soft, silken sheets.

“Rest,” Zhongli said, a cold hand trailing over your cheek. “I will prepare something to aid with your recovery once you wake.”

“Sorry for troubling you,” you mumbled, consciousness already on the edge of slipping away as you fought to open your eyes.

“It’s no trouble.” He hadn’t turned the light on when he’d entered the room—likely didn’t need to see your dazed expression clear as day despite the gloom—leaving his face bathed in shadow. “Sleep, I will return shortly.” You watched as his silhouette retreated from the room, turning back towards you just once as he reached the door. His eyes were all you could see, twin shards of bright amber in a sea of black and dark gray.

And then the door was shut behind him, and you were plunged into total darkness.

#zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader #vampire AU #I don't know if I ever intend to do more with this but I did have fun with it #Hope you enjoyed reading it!#also if you've seen this banner used anywhere else #it is one I've made but I've used it on other blogs so that may be why

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siriuslydeadfr · 9 months

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The thing about Luca is that. And I say this as a writer, I suppose, but also as a queer person, that he exudes a certain feeling of safety, and comfort. Like, to have him play something will mean he's going to give you his everything. No matter the character, you'll see a sincerity that isn't just the product of the script, or the demand of it, but also the mind of the actor.

To know that a person of his calibre is out there playing queer characters so effortlessly, and without a doubt in their mind, without any prejudice blinding his artistic choices and who he is as a person, it's obviously a ray of hope, but it is also, then, a kind of trust, even if it is just parasocial in many ways.

I know if it's Luca playing a certain queer character - regardless of what happens to them in the script, that is if the script is stupid and insincere to the queer perspective in certain ways - I'd still easily trust him to do justice to the queer experience, for how sincerely he plays everything.

The whole every-character-of-his having a underlying homoerotic quality to them is all fun and cool and great and beautiful, but also, it's so fucking refreshing

It's been decades of asking for the correct representation in media, it's been years and years of queerbaiting and, if not that, just general lack of care

I've been accustomed to just wanting some of my favourite characters to be gay. Just thinking and wishing and hoping that someone someday will let them reach the full scope of their personality, let them have the right sort of ending, see first the fabric of their person, and not just the thread of their sexuality, and maybe then write the script. There have been all sorts of emotions, and so to find now a person who is doing just that? It's pure beauty.

For a while now it's been changing, more and more shows and films are becoming inclusive and accepting and understanding of the queer gaze, and it's so beautiful that Luca contributes to it with his whole heart, and has been for a long while.

Many must remember how it used to get with artists and makers always denying or trying to tip toe around the obvious queerbait, or shying away from the conversations that involved that queer perspective, or outright rejecting the very idea- it happens still - but then you see the likes of Luca and Marwan being comfortable in each other's company and also about the love they shared on screen (especially, i think, it begs to say, with them being men), talking happily about their characters, making playlists for them, recommending poems for them

A lot many actors now are open to these conversations, a lot of them now talk about it with nuance and care, with just the right words, and though it's in no way any less a contribution to the conversation, or any less genuine, but again, there is something to be said about the ease Luca shows.

Again, as I said before.. it feels safe, with him.

In a lot of his interviews, he doesn't bat an eye before saying things like - I was lucky to have him as my husband. And he means it, you can tell that by the smile on his face. When people are focusing on the movies' objective and the friendships in it, he easily goes and says it's not only the friendship, but also the love.

In another of his interviews, there was once this question about Roberta, about if he knew what was demanded from him and how he prepared for a transsexual character. I remember it because I was almost sure I'll be hearing some generic answer like I studied trans people for this role and this that blah blah, something ignorant, basically. I was braced for it. But he just said. (And he was talking in english, and all that he was trying to say was conveyed more through his face and gestures, it was super cute actually) - I read the script, and I just felt something. I didn't think about playing a transsexual, but a woman, with a friend. It was important for me to show the love she had for him. So. I just played a woman helping out a friend :)

And I was like ?? wait that's? That's all? You're not going to go deep into the character's psyche and the great moral upstanding you must be feeling for doing a role like this? You're not going to talk about how you "prepared" for this role or how it was "different" for you?

I was so used to people doing that, his simple answer took me by surprise.

and that's what's so refreshing, so comforting.

There's no hesitation in him, no prejudice or preconceived notions or activism, even, compelling his choices and words.

It's just him, plain and simple.

He's committed to his art in a way that people rarely are. Especially in media, where even big companies and huge hollywood stars often fail you.

I wish more people in this world were like him. So gently open in his ways, so effortless in his understanding and acceptance that it becomes intrinsic to him.

He's one of the few people, I would say, who are an artist not just by work, but also by nature.

#luca marinelli #the old guard #le otto montagne #l'ultimo terrestre #writing #he's so?? sweet and beautiful #he's someone I want to sit and have a conversation with. the other person who i want to do this with is #andrew garfield

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Text

Midnight | Chapter 11 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - a phone call from Luke causes things to reach fever pitch with Spencer.

Pairing - unsub! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | very eventual happy ending

Warnings - manic driving, murder, blood, swearing, arguing, strangulation, threatening behaviour, forceful Spencer, jealous Spencer, mentions of Maeve, penetrative sex, semi public sex, unprotected sex, slight cock warming, talk of feelings.

WC - 4.7k

Chapter 11 - I’d Rather Drown

When you opened your eyes, all you could see was miles of rolling desert. The long, winding road bent and caved to desert land, almost so it didn’t disturb the landscape with its presence. The sun was rising in the rearview mirror, casting away the shadows of the baron stretch of road and glistening against the golden sand.

The little old car vibrated your seat as it sped along the twisting asphalt, the engine revving somewhat aggressively as its driver pushed it to its limits. The tires screeched with every turn, sending dust and debris flying around outside the window. It jerked and pulled you to and fro in your seat while you tried to work out exactly where you were.

You blinked a couple of times to adjust to the onslaught of light pooling in through the windows as you attempted to establish your surroundings and how you’d ended up here. The smell of blood from your clothes wafted up your nose and you suddenly remembered the events that took place the night before. The euphoria you felt when you ran that blade across Green’s throat came flooding back and you smiled a little dreamily to yourself.

But with it also came the churning of your stomach which had nothing to do with the way in which the vehicle was being flung at speed at around every bend. You’d killed a man. You’d taken a knife and sliced his throat and now you were covered in his blood. You were a murderer. You would always be a murderer.

In your time with the BAU you’d been to more crime scenes than you could count. Duck under the tape. Watch where you walk. Don’t touch a thing. Cleaning up a crime scene had been a very different experience. Thankfully it did help to know where those tiny scraps of evidence could hide away, the blood in the nooks and crannies of the floorboards, invisible footprints, accidental DNA transfer. You hadn’t been in your right mind to think of any of this, but Spencer had. Luckily, he knew exactly what he was doing.

You’d scrubbed the blood out of the floor while Spencer got the body in the back of the Nissan which he had moved to the driveway. You cleaned off any surfaces you might have touched, and Spencer recleaned everything afterwards, because you couldn’t be too careful. You left the place like you found it, even used Green’s keys to lock the door on your way out.

Spencer had handed you a hoodie to put on to hide the bloody t-shirt you wore. He helped clean your hands with a bottle of water and a rag and cleaned the little spots of blood off your face and out of your hair before you got in the car. You didn’t know where Spencer was driving to, where he planned to get rid of Green’s body but you didn’t ask.

You figured you would go back to the Route 66 Inn for the night, Spencer had already paid for your stay. But it seemed you must have been driving all night and Santa Rosa was probably hundreds of miles away by now.

You kept playing it over and over in your head, seeing his eyes as he begged you not to take his life, the realisation that hit him when he worked out who you were. The blood that had spilled from his neck and the way his skin felt as you sliced it with the blade.

He was dead. Duncan Green, your biggest demon, was no more. You felt light and heavy all at once. It wasn’t going to bring your sister back, but would it at least provide some closure? It was finally over, all those years of pain knowing he was out there somewhere was over, you should be over the moon. But honestly, you didn’t know how to feel.

However when you leant your head against the car window as you’d driven away from his home, it hadn’t taken long for you to fall asleep, the events of the day taking its toll on you. You didn’t dream, you simply slept.

Your body jerked in your seat again as Spencer took a precariously tight turn at breakneck speed. You rubbed your eyes before glancing over at him. His brow was furrowed heavily, back rigid in his seat and hands gripping the wheel harder than ever.

“Where’s the cell phone, Y/N?” Spencer suddenly grunted in frustration.

“Huh?” You croaked sleepily.

“Only one of the burners was in my satchel. Where’s the other one?” He spat, his patience wearing thin.

“I wanted to call Luke.” You felt for the phone in your jeans pocket.

“Did you?”

“No.” You pulled it out and played with it in your hands. “He’ll be worried about me, Spencer. I have to call him soon.”

You hit the power button, hoping Spencer wouldn’t notice as he focused on the sprawling road ahead.

“I’m sick of hearing about Luke Alvez. I text him on your behalf and told him you wanted him to leave you the hell alone.” He snarled, foot steadily getting heavier on the accelerator.

“You did what?” You spat, staring at him like he’d lost your mind. “You had no right!”

“I’m fucking bored or hearing about him. Luke this and Luke that, I need to call Luke and check it. No, not anymore.” Spencer growled.

“Spencer, he's my friend! You don’t get to just…” you trailed off when the device in your hand started to ring.

You glanced across at Spencer who’s face seemed to be turning red, the vein in his forehead pulsing.

“Don’t you dare answer that.” His knuckles started turning white against the wheel.

“He’ll keep calling.”

“I don’t give a shit, you are not answering that cell phone!” He raised his voice.

“You don’t own me!” You yelled back. “I’m a grown woman and I can make my own decisions!”

The phone rang off and you felt your stomach drop.

“Sweetheart,” he softened, his lip twitching into a smirk. “You belong to me, which means I do own you.”

“Fuck you, you do not!” The phone started to ring again. “He won’t give up.”

“If you answer that fucking phone I will swerve this car off of the road and kill us both.” As if to prove his point, he forced the car to go faster, the engine that had already sounded like it had reached capacity, revved even harder.

“Good! I’d rather die than spend another fucking second with you! This whole trip has been a waking nightmare. I hate you! I hate what you’ve done to me!” You screamed at him.

“Fuck you!” He screamed back, slamming one hand against the wheel. “I made you! I found Green for you, if it wasn’t for me, he’d still be alive and you’d never have gotten closure.”

Once again the phone stopped ringing and the pit in your stomach grew deeper.

“I hate you.” You smacked him hard across the bicep. “I hate you! Put me out of my fucking misery and kill me! I would literally rather be dead than let you have this hold over me!”

An involuntary yelp left your lips when he suddenly slammed on the brakes, causing the car to swerve on the asphalt, skidding on its tires until it came to a screeching halt.

Spencer looked over at you, his face bright red with rage and his eyes almost bulging out of his head.

“Get out.” He spat harder than you’d ever heard him.

“What?” You frowned at him.

“I said get out. I’m fucking sick of this, I’d rather do this on my own. At least there would be no one to talk back. Get out of the fucking car.” He growled.

“No.” You shook your head.

The phone started ringing once more and Spencer was quickly grabbing it out of your hand. You watched as he rolled down the window and was soon tossing the phone as far as he could out into the desert.

“Asshole!” You shoved his arm before quickly scrabbling out of the car and in the direction of where he’d thrown the phone.

You heard the engine revving loudly behind you and you expected to then hear him peeling away in a cloud of dust but you were too focused on finding the phone to care at that moment.

Once you located it and picked it up, you looked up and made sure to make eye contact with Spencer through the windscreen of the car as you answered it and put it on speaker as Spencer shut off the engine.

“Luke, jeez man, what's with all the calls?” You grumbled a little.

“Y/N! Oh my gosh I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day!” He sounded relieved.

Spencer exited the car and walked over to you, anger pouring from his eyes.

“I told you I’ll call you when I can. I’ve been super busy.” You kept your eyes on Spencer.

“With your mom?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged.

“In Edwardsville, Illinois.” Luke’s tone suddenly changed.

You glanced up at Spencer, eyes wide in fear. His expression was much the same. He mouthed the words, what the fuck at you, shaking his head and you knew you’d be in for it.

“Uh…I’m sorry what?” You croaked.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/N. Garcia found the location of the pay phone you called me from. I’m next to it right now.”

Spencer looked about ready to blow his lid, smoke practically coming out of his ears. The vein in his forehead pulsed so aggressively it looked like it might pop.

“You’re…you’re in Illinois?” You swallowed thickly.

“Yes. Where are you, Y/N? Come and meet me and we can talk. Whatever trouble you’re in, I can help you.” His voice softened again, his concern for you evident.

Spencer however was shooting daggers your way, trying to subconsciously tell you that you better be careful about what you say. You swallowed and tried to focus.

“I’m not in Illinois anymore.” You knew that wouldn’t be good enough for Luke.

“Then where are you?”

“Luke, just drop this, please?” You begged him, keeping your eyes on Spencer.

“No! You’re my friend, let me help you!”

“Luke, I don't need your help. Ok, so I lied when I said my mom was sick but that’s because I didn’t want to tell you guys the truth.” Spencer was glaring at you wildly now, clearly worried about what you would say next. You took a deep breath and continued. “The truth is, I was done with the BAU. Since we joined the team, you’ve been flourishing, finding your feet just like I knew you would. But I’ve never felt like I belonged there. I don’t necessarily want to go back to the FTF, but I couldn’t stay at the BAU. I was embarrassed to admit that I was struggling. I don’t know what I’m going to do now Luke, so I just took off. I guess you could say I’m soul searching. But I’m fine, I swear, I just need some time alone.”

There was a long stretch of silence in which Spencer seemed to calm down but once again it was very short lived.

“Are you with Spencer?” Luke asked out of nowhere, causing your eyes to bulge.

You and Spencer exchanged a confused look at the seemingly out of the blue question. His face told you that you better be careful how you answered that question.

“What? Why would I be with Spencer?” You tried to laugh it off.

“It just seems a little odd that you decided to leave right after him. And I went to some Podunk little bar out here and showed the tender his photo and he thought he might recognize him.”

Spencer was clenching his fists at his sides, his eyes conveying that you needed to find a way out of this.

“He doesn’t exactly stand out in a crowd.” You shrugged. “He thought he recognised a tall, skinny white dude? Luke, he could have seen anyone. You’re making connections where there aren’t any.”

Another stretch of silence followed and you had to pray that Luke believed you. You heard him exhale loudly through the phone.

“You swear you’re ok?”

“I swear. You worry too much, viejo.” You smiled.

“It’s because I love you, conejito.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and made a motion with his hand for you to hurry up.

“I’ve gotta go, ok? But I’ll call you soon.” You quickly spoke.

“Stay safe.” Luke whispered.

“Always.” And with that you hung up.

Spencer was quick to advance on you, grabbing the cell phone from your hand and throwing it aside before wrapping his hand around your throat. He used his grip to shove you until you were bent backwards over the hood of the car, pinned down by your neck.

“What are you doing? I got him off of our ass.” You gasped.

“It was your fault he was on our ass in the first place.” Spencer spat. With his free hand he pulled out the SIG and pressed the barrel of it to your temple. “If you hadn't called him from that payphone we wouldn’t have been in this mess!”

“Luke will always worry about me. It’s what he does. Regardless of if I’d called him or not, he still would have found a way to figure out where I was.” You choked a little but tried not to let Spencer know he was hurting you.

“Because he’s in love with you!” Spencer spat.

“So?” You didn’t flinch, you wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction.

“You know?” He frowned down at you.

“Yeah, I am a profiler.” You rolled your eyes. “Just because he’s in love with me, doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.”

“So you make a habit of leading men on? Getting them in the most compromised position possible, stripping down their walls until there’s nothing left?” He screamed in your face, tightening his hold on your neck.

You knew he wasn’t talking about Luke anymore and suddenly things started seeming so much clearer. The way Spencer had acted after you slept together, the reason he could never go through with his threats of killing you and why he was so jealous of Luke’s feelings towards you.

You’d penetrated the walls to Spencer Reid’s carefully constructed fortress. You’d slipped in through cracks he wasn’t even aware were there. None of this was really about Luke. Spencer wasn’t angry that Luke was in love with you, Spencer was mad because he was too.

Of course you knew he would never admit it, that would involve him being vulnerable. But you didn’t need him to say it, you could see it manifesting itself in his rage, he was incensed at himself for letting this happen, and at you for somehow getting beneath his skin.

He was bitter because he couldn’t stop it from happening, couldn’t catch himself before it was too late and he dove over the edge. And for some reason he seemed resentful because he thought you were the kind of woman who deliberately made men fall for you with no intentions of catching them. Did he really think this was some kind of game to you, racking up men like chess pieces? Did it not even occur to him that you could feel the same before he’d jumped to the conclusion that you were some kind of heartless maneater?

“Spencer, I think you’ve got the wrong impression of me.” You wheezed a little against his hand on your windpipe.

“No, I haven’t.” He thrust the gun against your temple. “Do you know you said his name in your sleep?”

“I…I did?” You frowned.

“Well, you moaned his name in your sleep. More than once. While you were laying in my arms.” He spat as his fingers wrapped even more firmly around your throat, more violently than he’d ever done before.

Your face started to redden with the lack of oxygen and you desperately fought for breath. Was he really going to kill you this time?

“I don’t…don’t remember what I was dreaming about.” You panted.

“I can have a pretty accurate guess.” He snarled.

“Spencer,” You managed to smirk, feeling a little lightheaded as you lost more and more oxygen. “Are you jealous?”

“Absolutely not.” He scoffed, tightening his hold on you even more so. “For me to be jealous would infer I have feelings for you, princess. I don’t have feelings.”

“Oh please.” You swallowed, still fighting for air. “Everyone has feelings, Spencer. Even you. You were h-hurt in the past, you built up these walls, hell you built a whole damn fortress to stop anyone getting close to you. You’re…you’re scared of getting hurt again, it's understandable after what you’ve been through. I mean what happened to Maeve was…”

“What did you say?” He cut you off, his grip on your neck faltering and it enabled you to gasp and refill your lungs with some much needed air.

“Maeve? She was the love of your life according to Cat Adams.” You’d heard the interrogation when Spencer confronted her after leaving prison, you all had.

“Don’t you dare bring her up. She is none of your business.” His fingers flexed before securing around you once more, the muzzle knocking against the side of your head as his hand shook in anger.

“And my relationship with Luke is none of your business.” You retaliated.

“You belong to me. Not him. And I’ll prove that to you. Turn around and drop your pants.” He suddenly let go of you but kept the gun pointed at you.

“What?” You frowned at the shift in dynamic. “No.”

“Excuse me?” He growled in a low, rumbly tone.

“I said no.” You stood your ground.

“You want to disobey me again?” He proffered the gun toward you. “I said turn around and drop your pants.”

With his free hand he started on working on the button of his jeans and with a quick glance downward you could tell instantly that he was hard. You would be lying if you said it didn’t abruptly turn you on, but still you weren’t going to let him control you in this way all the time.

“And I said no.” You growled, bearing your teeth at him like a wild animal, causing Spencer to thrust the gun towards you again.

“I am not gonna ask you again.” He demanded, eyes so dark they had passed black a long time ago.

“I will not turn around.” You replied, refusing to let him intimidate you. “If you want to fuck me, you’re gonna have to look me in the eyes this time.”

You saw Spencer falter a little, clearly not expecting this demand from you and expecting you to put up more of a fight. Soon a wry smile was forming on his lips and the firearm fell from his hand to the dirt as he focused solely on undoing his pants.

“I’m sure that can be arranged, princess.” He freed himself from his slacks, moving them down his thighs just enough so that his erection sprung free.

He moved you back against the bonnet with a shove and then he was working on your buttons too. He tugged your jeans and panties down to your ankles and hoisted you so you were sitting on the edge of the car. You kicked off one shoe and shucked your trousers and underwear off of one foot, letting them dangle from the other.

One of Spencer’s hands he placed flush on the bonnet to hold him upright and the other quickly found purchase between your legs. He hissed when he felt how wet you already were. His eyes bore into you as he edged closer, your legs intrinsically wrapping around his waist.

“Can I…do you need…?” He panted, unsure how to phrase his question but you knew what he meant.

“Just fuck me, Spencer.”

That was all the impetus he needed and he removed his hand from between your legs before roughly thrusting up into you. You gasped loudly, the sound ebbing off into the desert and beyond.

The way Spencer filled you up was like nothing else in the whole world, his thick, heavy length able to make you body bend to his every will.

He immediately started pounding into you with vigour, his other hand joining his first on the bonnet to steady himself as he slammed into you again and again. The sounds of your moans and heavy breaths disappeared out into baron sands. He kept his eyes locked on yours but he didn’t kiss you, didn’t even touch you.

“Tell me,” he panted as his hips snapped back and forth rapidly. “Tell me how you felt when you cut his throat.”

You moaned, throwing your head back to your shoulders but Spencer was quick to push it back up so you were looking at him. His hand then came to the zipper of your hoodie and tugged it down just enough to expose your blood soaked shirt.

“Fuck,” he quickened his pace, slamming inside you so violently you felt like you were being torn in two. “Fuck you look hot covered in blood. Tell me how it felt.”

“Kiss me.” You replied, your legs encompassing his waist and holding him close. “Kiss me and I’ll tell you.”

Spencer hissed with a particularly vicious thrust and then grabbed the back of your neck in his large hand. He yanked you closer and crashed his lips against yours, his tongue hungrily plunging inside of your mouth.

His fingers gripped your neck firmly as he kissed you messily, teeth clashing together in a hungry passion.

“Tell me.” He growled against your lips.

“It was fucking euphoric. The way I watched the light leave his eyes, the way his blood felt against my skin as it burst from his artery…there is no better feeling in the world.” You mumbled and he tore his lips away from yours to look at you.

“No better feeling, huh?” He pounded harder. “Not even this?”

“It’s a close second.” You teased him.

As expected it encouraged him to go somehow harder and it burnt but it was such an amazing feeling.

“You like being the Bonnie to my Clyde?” His lip twisted into a slightly evil smile.

“I don’t think Clyde ever fucked Bonnie quite like this.”

Spencer chuckled deeply, burying himself so deeply inside of you that you felt his cock in your stomach. Your eyes widened and you moaned louder than ever as he stilled his movements.

His mouth fell open as he stared down at you and the darkness in his eyes faded and was replaced by something much softer. He took hold of your left hand and inspected his grandmother's gold band on your finger.

“I can’t fall in love with you.” He confessed, his voice cracking as he spoke. “We’re in this together, bound to each other. But I cannot fall in love with you.”

“You say that like you haven’t already.” You clenched around him and his eyes briefly closed at the sensation.

The rumble of tires sounded in the distance and moments later an old Cadaliac flew past, sending particles of sand and dirt flying around you. The car didn’t slow down, hopefully you hadn’t just given them an eye full. He bucked his hips once before stilling again.

“It’s not love sweetheart,” he dropped your hand again. “It’s intoxication. I am drunk on this sweet, tight pussy.”

You moaned at his words, clamping your walls around him again.

“You keep telling yourself that.” You smirked. “But I’m a better profilier than you give me credit for.”

“Princess, for me to be in love with you would imply I have a heart. Trust me when I say, that particular organ is long gone. But I have another organ that is quite infatuated with your body.” He suddenly jerked his hips roughly and soon started fucking you again, somehow harder than before.

He continued his barrage until your mouth fell open and your body started trembling around him and you screamed out into the wide open nothingness as you came around his cock.

As soon as you’d let loose he allowed himself to succumb to his own orgasm and buried deep inside of you once more while he spilled his seed. His body collapsed on top of you, pinning you to the hood of the car while he panted against your neck.

For a few moments you stayed like this, awash with the post-coital haze in the middle of the desert. When he pulled out, he turned his back on you while he tucked himself away and zipped up his pants. You continued to sit there in a daze.

He collected up the gun and cell phone and didn’t look at you as he moved towards the driver's side door.

“Get dressed. We need to go.” He spat as he threw the door open.

His hands were shaking as he grasped the steering wheel and the weight of his feelings seemingly came crashing down around him. He was in love with you, it was painfully true, but he couldn’t be in love with you. He wouldn’t allow it.

It was time to start from the ground up, rebuild his fortification brick by brick and be careful to make it airtight. He would not make this mistake again, he would not fall victim to another pretty faced siren. You would be his permanent reminder of why he’d built those walls in the first place so as to never make the error as to let someone in again.

But no matter how solid he built those walls, it was too late. You had already breached his castle, and were sitting atop the throne of his heart. Your hold on him felt much like he had been tossed out to sea with no life preserver and he’d forgotten how to swim.

But if the choice was between allowing himself to be vulnerable with you or drowning, he knew what he would rather.

Thanks for treating me like every boy you meet,

So please come in and take a seat.

Here's the part where I learn, and you will teach,

On how to treat people like a piece of meat.

I want a genuine, not a replica,

Lethal medicine, a pin to the cornea.

A sight for sore eyes,

While other guys consume the lie, I'll run and hide.

No doors exist on my fortress,

The only entrance is the one I bear.

You're nothing more than a temptress,

I fell victim to a heartless snare.

Burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I cannot trust you easily,

Or think that I'm the only one.

I never let people in,

And I have you to remind me why.

So, baby, burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I'd rather drown,

I'm the master of construction,

Because I'm building walls like it's my occupation.

If you portray a liar,

I'll shut you out without hesitation.

It's an art form of consummate skill,

Oh, how she plays them like the pawn.

Making boys drool at her will,

Like Pavlov to the dogs.

No doors exist on my fortress,

The only entrance is the one I bear.

You're nothing more than a temptress,

I fell victim to a heartless snare.

Burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I cannot trust you easily,

Or think that I'm the only one.

I never let people in,

And I have you to remind me why.

So, baby, burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I'd rather, I'd rather, I'd rather,

Drown me, slit my throat so lightly,

Pick me up and drop me right into my grave.

And now I wonder, sit alone and ponder,

Should I even bother, when I see your face?

The itch I couldn't scratch,

Thought I'd come crawling back, but no.

I'd much rather, rather, rather, rather, rather (sing it, boys),

I'd rather burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I cannot trust you easily,

Or think that I'm the only one.

I never let people in,

And I have you to remind me why.

So, baby, burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

Go ahead and burn the bridge right down,

It's what you wanted.

Burn the bridge right down,

I'm not the only one, the only one.

So, baby, burn the bitch down,

I never will cross that bridge again.

I'd rather drown.

@andiebeaword @muffin-cup @measure-in-pain @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @bubblebuttwade @jay-2s-world @daddy-dotcom

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #unsub! spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x fem! reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction

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casanovawrites · 1 month

Text

random sentence prompts ━ from various tv shows, part 12

i can’t remember the last time i went to bed.

to make it good, i’d have to filter out the bad.

you two are weird in all the same ways.

no wonder we didn’t last.

you know you don’t have to fix everything? sometimes the best reaction is to just be still.

calling us ‘friends’ is a bit of a stretch.

i see what you’re doing. you’re avoiding having fun.

don’t let your ego cost you everything you love in life.

i hurt you once. i don’t ever want to do that again.

if you want someone to worry with you, then i’m in.

i’ve dimmed my light on more occasions than i can count for you.

this is the stuff you tell the people you care about.

you separate yourself from everyone and everything. you always have.

we should all just let ourselves be a little boring again.

you must ask permission to tell stories from now on.

it was one of the worst days of my life. and that’s actually saying something.

it wasn’t great without you.

everyone’s just so obsessed with my past. maybe that’s why i like being with you. you’re just new.

you’re all i have.

i still love you. is that crazy?

we’re about five minutes away from heads on spikes and cannibalism.

you’re an adult now. you don’t get to blame your problems on anyone but yourself.

for the first time in my life, i don’t want to do it alone.

if i wanted you dead, you’d be dead.

i’ve seen the obnoxious way y’all look at each other.

i said no talking. you broke the rules of my sanctuary.

i’m not your friend, and we’re not more than friends, so what am i?

i think i’d be used to the fear of losing my life by now.

what i feel for you scares me sometimes. okay, a lot of the time.

it’s like i’ve been sleepwalking through my own life.

i have seen you. you look like shit.

i feel like everyone i love always leaves. or… is taken.

i want you to hate each other but in a friendly way.

i want you to tell me why you look so fucking scared.

i don’t know what to do with all this anger.

if you’re gonna try to woo my girl, at least be accurate.

we always do this. it’s like a sick cycle. we’re not even nice to each other half the time.

i shouldn’t have to prove my innocence to you.

finding love can be hard for someone like me.

you know you don’t have to fix everything. sometimes the best reaction is to just be still.

lonely people do scary things.

i know if you put your mind to something, it’s gonna happen.

i’m your weakness. but you are not mine.

i just wanted you to feel safe and comfortable.

sometimes i just want to feel so normal that i’m almost boring.

sometimes it feels like i’m just watching other people experience things.

i’m honestly just not somebody who gets very excited about things.

if you wanted nice, you’d be with someone else.

are you really checking your phone right now? i’m trying to talk to you.

i hate you for this.

you’re the person who always finds a way. it’s one of the things i love about you.

my pain doesn’t give me permission to hurt you. but it’s real.

i think you’re the only person who really knows who i am and still likes me anyway.

i don’t belong anywhere, thanks to you.

kicking your butt would make me feel better.

you know, sometimes i just think you lie for the fun of it.

we can’t just keep throwing the word ‘family’ around. it isn’t enough.

you were always a killer. i just pointed you in a direction.

no matter what happens, i’m coming back for you. you have to believe me.

look me in the eye and tell me you’re not threatened now.

bad things happen. good people die.

maybe i’m just not the kind of person you miss.

you’re plenty elegant.

i will never dim my light for anyone ever again.

you take up all the oxygen in the room.

you don’t care about me. you just don’t know how to be alone.

i’ve never felt so hopeless in my life.

wait. you’re happy to see me. what’s wrong?

i can’t lose myself in you.

i got your back, okay, but there’s a limit.

i am so going to enjoy killing you one day.

fighting only causes more pain when you lose the thing you fought for.

man’s greatest flaw: the illusion of control.

you got me, and you got this.

i didn’t know who i was. but i do now.

you know what? love shouldn’t have to hurt this much.

we could have a whole life together.

it’s going to get worse before it gets better, so i need you to hold on.

i don’t care enough about you to lie.

there is a certain honesty in white hot hatred.

i’m too bright a light to be anybody’s secret.

i’ve been chasing a ghost all over town.

i don’t want my life to be all about the worst parts of it.

i hope that you charge rent to the people inside your head.

i don’t know. just be hot, okay?

must you poop on every party?

who are we without a homicide?

it’s kind of nice to be missed.

so, you’re sleuthing?

#ask memes #ask prompts #rp sentence prompts #meme #*#ask meme #rp one liners #sentence starters

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thebroccolination · 1 year

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SO ABOUT KRIST. \:D/

I'm not sure how many people have seen this photo or know the context behind it.

It was taken by a fan (see watermark) at the final episode premiere for Be My Favorite in August. After we finished watching the episode, Krist and Gawin walked down the aisles of the theater singing their duet, and then they went to the front stage to give their closing speeches. Most of us expected Krist to cry because it doesn't take a lot to make that happen on a normal day. But a fan event for a series that he put his heart and soul into? That he had resting on his shoulders since it was announced in late 2021? Certified, guaranteed, written in stone.

Even expecting it, though, didn't prepare me for seeing Krist cry in person. Especially when it wasn't the crying I'm used to seeing from him. I didn't even need to understand what he was saying to feel affected by it. Being in the theater, hearing him struggle to speak, assuming what he must be talking about, hearing how absolutely earnest every word was, that was enough.

I read the translation later. Krist was talking about Gawin. That he's always wanted the focus of the series to be on Gawin, because it was Gawin's first main role, and Krist felt like he'd taint it. In the past six months, Krist has said more than once that his greatest achievement from Be My Favorite was meeting Gawin. In another interview, he said he didn't care if no one watched the series because he has Gawin in his life now, and that means more to him than the success of his work. He said meeting Gawin changed him and made him grow up.

I always knew that Krist would be good for Gawin's career. From the moment I saw the casting announcement, I knew that Krist would do what he does with all of his friends and colleagues: promote him, hype him, celebrate him. I just had no idea how close they would become. That they would both find strength in each other, and that they would develop the incredibly close friendship they have now.

And, man…ever since I saw that photo up there where Gawin is listening with tears in his eyes as his close friend and admired senior talks about him with such affection and respect, my disappointment in everyone who continues to spread misinformed hate against Krist is so much deeper.

But it's also calmer.

Because it won't last.

Krist is so widely loved by the people in his life and the people he's worked with, and he's so effusively loving in return. And I think more and more people are starting to see that. He cares so intensely all the time and he allows so much of his vulnerability to show, and he listens to people.

So whenever I see people scoffing, "How does he even have fans?" I know they haven't actually looked into who he is. I know they watched a TikTok or a YouTube video with the same five things taken out of context and it just doesn't hold up when you actually see him.

Because this is who he is:

At MUSICON, he and Gawin did a meet and greet, and this fan shared her experience talking to Krist. She had so much she wanted to say, but she couldn't stop crying, and he patted her gently on the shoulder to comfort her. She said he kept kindly looking into her eyes while she spoke, and she finished by hoping more and more people get to know him.

He's one of GMMTV's top stars who makes eye contact with his fans and engages with them. He's popular enough that he could just coast during these fan events, but he wants to listen and interact with his fans. He remembers us.

And, like, I already did a whole thing about how he's not homophobic.

Like, seriously, he isn't. During his solo concert in Cambodia, he made a beeline to this fanboy and giddily danced with him the same as he did with the women in the audience. And he wasn't the only guy he danced with, either.

Krist also got hit on in an airport by a whole European dude years ago and he was delighted. The dimple came out to play and everything.

There comes a point when people who say "he's just pretending he isn't homophobic to make money" start to sound like they just really, really want Krist to be homophobic because otherwise they have been mercilessly tormenting him for years over misinformation they didn't care enough to look into.

The man described his love scene with Gawin in Be My Favorite as a piece of art. Like. I think it's abundantly clear that he's not the monster interfans invented just to throw knives at.

So anyway.

Back to Gawin.

I'm glad Krist has Gawin in his life. Gawin who sees him, who appreciates him, and who gives back just as much affection as Krist gives to him.

And who honest-to-God looks like he wants to protect Krist just as much as any of us do.

So yeah!

I like Krist.

I think he's neat. \:D/

(And I totally hope he'll let Gawin and Singto do a skit making light of all the ship wars during his concert next weekend. GawinSingto jokes, come to me.)

#be my favorite #krist perawat #gawin caskey #gawinkrist

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theawakenedstate · 4 months

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Signs Your Lower Chakras Are Out of Balance

The Lower Chakras are often some of the most overlooked chakras when it comes to spiritual awakening and yet I find them Essential to heal for our peace of mind. When we look at how the Lower Chakras Behave, we must realize they are holding the most past conditioning as they connect to our ego. In the same regard, this means they have the most emotional baggage, Bad habits, or old patterns for us to clear, heal & reprogram.

The Lower Chakras Help Current Times

Awhile back in 2020 right at the start of the pandemic, I did an interview for a membership training and She asked me a pivotal question around energy work. She said “How do you feel we can apply the chakras to current times?” and I immediately said, ” We need more focus on our Lower Chakras and our Energetic foundation” Most people like to focus on the third eye chakra or the heart chakra for spiritual awakening. However, we need more emphasis on the Lower chakras, especially when we feel our foundation is shook with so many rapid changes happening in the world over the past few years since the pandemic. began. Many of us have consistently felt our sense of safety, support and even our physical world feeling threatened. There have been job layoffs, recession rumors, inflation, talks of world war three and even numerous things happening overseas that leave our hearts hurting. There is no better time than now to hold strong to our Foundation and that means connecting back to our Lower Chakras. Its time to buckle down and remember the sacred truth: Regardless of what happens around you, Universal truth still applies. We are always more powerful than circumstance as the inner creates the outer. I have been returning to this truth over and over again as the months have passed since quarantine began and even now in 2024. I think it’s important to discuss when we heal the lower chakras we heal our survival mind and begin to thrive.

It’s part of our biology to recognize when we have lower chakra imbalances, we are usually triggered by the Fight/flight/Freeze response due to our survival brain. When we begin to heal the lower chakras, we start to move away from just surviving and enter a state where we can thrive.

Overactive Higher chakras, Under-Active Lower chakras during Awakening are very Common.

During the beginning process of spiritual awakening, our kundalini activates the higher chakras and travels upward bringing a ton of energy into these once dormant energy centers. Due to this happening, it’s very common to have Overactive Higher chakras and under-active Lower Chakras due to this fluctuation in energy happening throughout the body.

The kundalini is bringing everything up for healing with the symptoms and at the same time, we have our psychic centers connecting to our higher consciousness beginning to turn on full blast. What happens as a result? Dissociation. Disconnection from spirit. body neglect or escapism, all the symptoms of an imbalanced third eye chakra.

As a result, people waking up their kundalini THINK they need to heal their third eye chakra with meditation but the reality is this chakra is OVERACTIVE. All that excess energy needs to be released and transmuted through those lower chakras.

The Lower Chakras need to be part of the focus for Healing because this is where the past conditioning is triggering the most ungrounding symptoms such as dissociation, depersonalization, hypersensitivity or simply anxiety. In the spiritual community, it’s really common to experience a third eye imbalance because we are often over-compensating in the higher chakras while neglecting our physical world. By doing this, we are neglecting the lower chakras the most.

How do we know If our Lower chakras are out of balance?

But here’s the skinny, How do we know if our Lower Chakras are out of balance? Do we have any ways we can emotionally or physically indicate to be aware if we have lower chakras imbalances? Yes we do!

I recently did a series on The YouTube podcast covering the Top 3 signs of a Blocked or imbalanced Root Chakra, Sacral Chakra or Solar Plexus Chakra. Let’s Go over All Three chakras that make up your Energetic Foundation.

The Root Chakra

The root chakra is the first chakra that develops during early childhood and plays an essential role in our sense of stability and security. When your root chakra is imbalanced, you might experience emotional upheaval due to a survival mindset imposed by past conditioning or trauma. It’s this imbalance that can hold you back from manifesting an abundant life especially.

Identifying a Root Chakra Imbalance

So, how can you tell if you have a blocked or imbalanced root chakra? Recognizing the signs is crucial for your spiritual and emotional well-being. An imbalanced chakra might leave you feeling unsettled—constantly in a fear-driven, survivalist mindset.

Symptoms of a blocked root chakra include:

A pervasive sense of fear

A lack of trust in the world

Disconnection from society

Difficulty in feeling grounded or stable

Tools for Root Chakra Healing

To heal your root chakra, start by identifying where you feel disconnected or lack safety and support. Simple reflection can provide better Awareness of direct areas that need healing.

Ask yourself:

– In what areas of my life do I feel a lack of safety and support?

– Where do I feel connected and abundant?

Learn More on the Root Chakra by Checking out the Full Episode here:

youtube

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON THE PODCAST

The Sacral Chakra

The sacral chakra is our energetic center for emotions, creativity, and pleasure. Located in the lower abdomen, this energy center is associated with the color orange and resonates with our emotional and creative expression.

Common Imbalances in the Sacral Chakra

An imbalance in the sacral chakra can manifest in various ways. Here are some common symptoms:

Suppressed Emotions: Difficulty in regulating emotions such as anger, guilt, and frustration.

Creativity Block: An inability to express oneself creatively or feeling creatively stifled.

Issues with Pleasure and Sensuality: Trouble enjoying life’s pleasures or feeling guilty for indulging in them.

People-Pleasing Tendencies: Prioritizing others’ needs and desires over your own, leading to emotional burnout.

How to Know if Your Sacral Chakra is Balanced

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you might have an imbalance:

– Do I find it hard to accept compliments or gifts?

– Do I often put the needs and desires of others before my own?

– Do I feel creatively stifled or blocked?

– Do I have trouble regulating my emotions or expressing them?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might be dealing with a sacral chakra imbalance.

Learn More on the Sacral Chakra by listening to the Full episode:

youtube

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON THE PODCAST

The Solar Plexus Chakra

The solar plexus chakra is one of the most common chakras where people experience imbalances. This is largely due to societal conditioning and how our first three chakras develop from childhood through adolescence. Here are the Top 3 Signs you might have an imbalanced solar plexus chakra without realizing it!

Sign #1: Struggling to Take Action

One of the core signs that your solar plexus is blocked (or imbalanced) is having difficulty taking action. You may find yourself riddled with excuses, feeling confused, and constantly battling with your mind about what actions to take. This often leads to overthinking and spending more time in your head than actually getting things done, which ultimately causes a loss of motivation.

#2: Controlling Behaviors

Another key indicator is controlling behaviors. You might find yourself trying to control people, your manifested outcome or situations around you excessively. This behavior often stems from a sense of powerlessness. For instance, as a parent, you might try to control your child’s actions out of fear or anxiety, not realizing that this is a reflection of your own need for control. This can also manifest in your professional or personal relationships, or even in your manifestation practices.

Sign #3: Being a Workaholic

A major red flag is if you’re a workaholic. When you never make time for relaxation or play and are always in “work mode,” this indicates a solar plexus imbalance. This often comes from a self-worth belief that you are not doing enough, leading you to work incessantly until you burn out. This constant state of hustling is a sure sign that your solar plexus needs attention.

Why the Solar Plexus is Vital

When the solar plexus is healthy, you have a balanced sense of knowing when to act and when to rest. This balance fosters a natural confidence, bolsters self-esteem, and encourages you to take decisive actions. A healthy solar plexus empowers you to pursue your goals confidently, keep your motivation high, and maintain a positive outlook on life.

Learn more about the Solar Plexus Chakra by listening to this full episode:

youtube

WATCH ON YOUTUBE

LISTEN ON THE PODCAST

Final Thoughts

The Lower Chakras are often the most under-estimated when it comes to spiritual awakening, yet they are paramount towards having a healthy chakra system! When we have a healthy chakra system, we can dramatically feel healthier and have more peace of mind with our Spiritually Awakened life. In conclusion, as we heal the lower chakras, we step out of survival and begin to Thrive Mentally and Emotionally feeling free in mind body and spirit.

P.S. If you enjoyed this discussion and want to dive deeper, I highly recommend checking out my new Chakra Starter Toolkit available at theawakenedstate.net/chakra. This toolkit will provide you with comprehensive guidance on understanding energy even if you’re a beginner to healing all seven chakras.

Enjoy this Article? Feel free to Share it on your fav socials or Pin it for another Spiritual bestie to find, thanks!

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/signs-your-lower-chakras-are-out-of-balance/

Signs Your Lower Chakras Are Out of Balance

#chakra healing #energy healing #lower chakras #mindset #root chakra #sacral chakra #solar plexus chakra

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yellow-dejavu · 4 months

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- Paradise is free of pain and sorrow. Everything we've ever done is forgotten there. Any pain that we've ever felt is erased. And all the dead live.

I find it curious how the belief in paradise affects some of the characters, so I want to make a little speculation about how I think it might have worked. Franziska, Magnus and Agnes were part of Sic Mundus, but it is really unclear how they see it. So I will mainly focus on Noah, Elisabeth and Silja, who are known to really believe in paradise.

When Noah and Elisabeth meet, he shares his belief in paradise with her. Then they are separated by the disappearance of their daughter, and Silja as a child is brought to Elisabeth. Elisabeth shares her belief in paradise with Silja. The way I think it might play out is that Elisabeth knew this child who had just lost her mother, and she wanted to comfort this little girl by sharing something that had given her comfort since she was a little girl. I also think that Elisabeth was specifically told to form Sic Mundus in the post-apocalyptic era and protect the plant.

So Silja was raised in a cult until 1888, where she continued her life and died with an earlier version of the same cult. Her husband was part of the cult since his late teens until his death, and their kids were raised in a cult. There is little or no information about the family of Bartosz, Silja, Hanno and Agnes. So I have some assumptions about their family dynamics. Silja named her son Hanno after her late mother Hannah. Hanno was very young when his mother died. So I think the way she may have introduced Hanno to paradise is as a bedtime story. I mean Silja gave her son something from her mother, which is his name, so I think it would make sense if she gave her son something from the other parental figure she had in her life, which is Elisabeth. Something that gave her comfort in hard times and now she could share with her little boy in better times.

I also think I could connect this with Bartosz death. What if Bartosz wanted to keep this image of a "perfect paradise" as a way for his child to remember Silja?

It would be even easier to manipulate a little cult boy into thinking that betraying his father is an act of love. Adam believed in paradise, but not in the same way. His version wasn't as optimistic; their version was easier to manipulate and use in his favor. Sic Mundus can make Noah believe that his father's detachment from the prophecy is forgetting his mother's memory, and he knows that his father is clearly in pain. Bartosz has lost his faith, but Noah can still free him from all that pain and take him to Paradise. Noah must save his father by killing him.

If he thought something like that, it made me think of the phrase Noah repeated more than once, "he also said we'd become friends before you betray me". Noah always knew that he would be betrayed, but he didn't imagine that his baby would be stolen by his own baby and the mother who was also her baby's daughter, all ordered by Adam. I think Noah always taught that Adam would kill him. Maybe he would lose his faith like his father and Adam would betray him. He would save him by killing him like Noah did with his father. Jonas would do it because he loves Noah and it would free him from all his pain. Adam is his savior.

After the experiments failed and Charlotte's birth was difficult, Noah didn't feel his faith was as strong. He was hopeless. But they're going to make it, they're going to fulfill the prophecy. Noah will have to travel and teach a younger version of himself. He has never seen a much older version of himself, so it could mean that his time is near. But could paradise ever be as sweet and real as what he's building with his family? it doesn't matter how he feels, he just wants Elisabeth to keep her hope, and he would give her the strength he doesn't have for himself.

#just random thoughts #dark 2017 #sic mundus creatus est #adam dark #hanno tauber #elisabeth doppler #silja tiedemann #bartosz tiedemann #jonas kahnwald #noah dark #sic mundus #dark netflix #headcanons #i posted this #tell me about paradise

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1141520851813892291920 · 3 months

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I was told I should come here to tell you about a recent experience I’ve had. Something about how you’re looking for scary stories or whatever. Sure, I’ll tell you, but it’s not like it’s going to help or anything. I don’t think anyone can help me, really.

It happened last night at time of writing, so Monday night. I work as a pool cleaner (pool technician is what they call it, can’t help but roll my eyes every time I have to say it) and with the summer months rolling in, work’s been busier than usual. Everyone wants their pool chlorinated and clean, everyone wants their pool tiling redone, everyone’s looking for a special rate, etc. So many uppity folks believing they’re more important and their water should be cleaned first instead of finding another way to stay cool. Bit annoying if you ask me, but it’s a job, and I couldn’t care less what these people blow their money on

Boss sent me out to some address out in the boonies and I assumed it’d be the same ordeal as always. I show up, vacuum out all the gunk, scrub up a bit, explain basic maintenance to the customer, yadayadayada. Even being out in the middle of nowhere, you don’t really assume anything. Outside of clearly these people are loaded if they live out of the way AND they’re calling about a pool cleaning. The drive there took about half the day because they were very insistent on someone coming out that same day, and I was content with the idea of an easy day for once.

I was wrong.

Everything seemed okay upon arrival. Quaint little house a couple miles out from the nearest town, beautiful property if I’m honest. The grounds surrounding the cottage seemed to be cluttered in a bunch of water fountains and irrigation systems for a small garden the owners were tending to. All of the water sources seemed to snake back in onto themselves, seemingly entangled and intertwined, it was all rather impressive. Whoever owned this land was probably more savvy than I was about the basics of plumbing. Made me wonder for a second why they’d needed a pool cleaner, but I had a job to focus on and not much time to think about it for longer than a passing moment.

When I knocked on the door of the residence, I was met with the most breathtaking view of a gorgeous woman who’d answered the door. A real looker, made me almost envy the person who got to be with her, I’d never been charming enough to end up with someone like that. I couldn’t tell you what she looked like now, or what she sounded like, or all of what she said, but I remember her eyes. I remember that while the rest of her seemed inviting and warm, those eyes remained cold and dark, almost analytical. Scanning for something that I couldn’t quite be sure of.

She’d told me that her husband had just left for work but that the pool was in the back. She handed me the check for services, and initially I was taken aback since normally payment comes after, but it was one less thing for me to worry about. She told me I could get started and that she’d be outside after she’d changed. Wasn’t really sure what that meant at the time, but I wasn’t going to decline seeing more of her, and with a nod I started to head to the back area of the cottage where the pool was.

By far it must have been the filthiest pool I’ve ever laid eyes on. Overgrown moss, all manner of disgusting, vile muck, as if the pool itself hadn’t been cared for in years. I swore I’d seen the carcass of a less than lucky squirrel at one point, but tried not to think about it all. Popped my headphones in and started the process of vacuuming the mess out of there, and I was thankful for the drone of noise that made it impossible to think for too long. It wasn’t until I felt a tap on my shoulder that I stopped, and what I saw when I turned around wasn’t what I expected.

The wife had joined me in the backyard in what had to be one of the skimpiest swimsuits in existence. Strings that screamed at the tension they were put under, and while I tried not to look, I couldn’t help myself. If she noticed, she didn’t seem to make any mention of it, but the next words out of her mouth could have made me keel over from excitement if that were possible.

“Would you help me with some sunscreen?”

We ended up heading over to a lawn chair she’d setup and I enjoyed the feeling of her warm flesh beneath mine as I rubbed the ointment into her skin. I don’t think I would have in retrospect, but in that moment it felt like that was the only thing that mattered in the world. I remember the way she looked at me with those eyes, and how I could see myself reflected in her gaze; I remember how sure of myself she made me seem, and how good it felt to escape my own self-doubts for once. How it wasn’t so bad to be a pool technician after all if it meant I’d get to experience the joy of beautiful women like this more. How I’d be able to tell my mother to kick rocks for thinking I’d never amount to anything.

At some point, she’d requested that I undo the straps tied on her back so she could get an even tan before she could get in the pool. My stomach lurched, but I agreed, and after undoing the straps, she instructed me to go finish up while she enjoyed the view. With a newfound surge of confidence, I set to work, scrubbing away all of the disgusting bits of dirt and grime in a jiffy. Even added some extra cleaning chemicals besides the chlorine so she wouldn’t have to trouble herself with worrying about not being able to take a dip in the pool. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near as excited. Funny how your thoughts circle when you have time to reflect on things.

My job completed, I announced that the pool was once again open for swimming, and earned a delighted giggle in return. Something that sounded so ephemeral, as though it were not of this world, but I wished to hear it again and again. I’d started to pack up my tools and planned on enjoying the many daydreams I’d be thinking of on the way back of this scenario I’d found myself in when a sudden movement caught my eye. When I turned to look, I found her beckoning me to come closer, a smile playing on her lips while her gaze never left mine. If everything else had been a fantasy prior, her next spoken words were the cherry on top.

“Would you like to join me?”

I watched in amazement as she removed the fabric that barely covered anything and slowly walked back into the pool, her eyes fixed on me, that same come hither motion ever present. I didn’t even need time to think. Before I knew it, I was freed from my clothes and in the water beside her, and we locked into a brief moment of passion. It all felt surreal, as if it weren’t what was happening, but good. That’s when I felt the pull on my ankle. A pull that at first seemed like something I’d neglected to fish out of the pool before announcing that the waters were safe, but one that quickly became terrifying. I felt myself get pulled under, and despite how shallow the pool was, I couldn’t climb back to the surface.

I felt dozens of what felt like hands pulling me deeper and deeper down into the depths of a pool that was much too big for what I’d just cleaned. I swore I heard whispers telling me that things would be so much better if I gave in and joined them and how life could be so much more if I relished being worth something as part of their group. Sentences that still don’t make much sense to me now but they don’t become any less terrifying. I reemerged from the surface as my vision started to darken, and scrambled out of the pool back to dry land, heaving up water as I did. As I caught my breath, I heard a voice say something that made my blood run cold.

“Look. At. Me.”

When I turned back around, I found the source of the voice coming from the pool. I was met with the creeping gaze of someone who’d submerged themselves beneath the surface, only their eyes and the top of their head visible. Whoever was in the pool, it didn’t look like the woman who’d answered the door, and they began to rise from the waters that now appeared murky once again. It was a wretched, decrepit old woman, one who appeared to have become bloated and waterlogged as though they’d been submerged for far longer than the human body can handle.

I watched in horror as she began to cackle, her skin peeling away from her body as she attempted to exit the pool and head in my direction. I was frozen in place and watched as with every shift of the water, this pool began to change, and alter. Faces reflected in the ripples of the waves she was making, faces that I swore I recognized. Her eyes had locked onto me with what I swore was the same cold, dark gaze I’d felt earlier in the day. She was halfway between me and the pool when I was able to steel myself and begin running back to the car. The last words I heard echo from her still haunt me now.

“Get back into the water. Join us. Join your friends. We’re waiting for you.”

I don’t think I stopped the car again until I heard the second alarm go off warning me about low fuel. Quit my job after, I don’t need that kind of stress in my life, there are other things I can do in the meantime. Hopefully the next gig has buxom babes who aren’t completely mental. If not, I’ll be headed to the beach soon, and maybe I’ll get lucky there. Can’t say I’ll be looking to get into the water, though.

...well, I hate to say it but I am feeling physically better than I was prior to reading this statement. Though, I was perhaps remiss in...stalling on responding to this one for so long.

It stuck out to me due to the nature of the...reflection. It tastes similar to whatever has been trying to...consume? Capture? Reflect Tim.

It is a complicated situation, and one I do not yet understand completely. Reflections are...distortions of light, if viewed from a technical standpoint. But they are also imitations, unrealities of their own...there is no shortage of folklore about mirrors and reflections - do not get trapped between them, do not make eye contact with them, do not accept the invitation to step into the looking glass...

Which is to say...I am lost on this. I've come to accept that the powers of the world are...not exactly the same as the ones that I knew of Before, but are no less present. They seem to exist in their own right, though if Michael's door is anything to go by, they are still able to be influenced or at least...visited, by the familiar fears that I Know.

What do I know about the reflections so far... -They appear to feed off of...insecurity, and self doubt. -They can change their appearance (unsurprising) -They are ephemeral in nature, and do not have a fixed Place -They can communicate directly with their victims and targets. -They appear in opposition to predation and blood. I don't know if any of this will be helpful. Martin and Michael are insistent that I stay in the car while they take care of things with Tim. Oh yes, as if that is going to happen. I have more experience than both of them, at least now. That, and the poor pool boy's misfortune was a rather reinvigorating snack. I am feeling much better. Stay in the car, my arse.

#[submitted statement]#another archive #tma #tma podcast #somewhere else #aaarg #the magnus archives #tma rp blog

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turnstileskyline · 1 month

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RockSound June 3rd, 2024 – Dallon Weekes Interview (Transcript under the cut)

hello all!!!! i am still taking a little tumblr break (gonna upload and dip) but my copy of the rocksound idkhow issue came so i wanted to get these photographed and transcribed because i know i have shaky hands. (if you spot any mistakes let me know and i'll fix them asap!)

Taking Over The World (One Show At A Time)

As they close out their UK headline tour, IDHKOW's Dallon Weekes reflects on the lessons learned from taking 'Gloom Division' out on the road.

Words James Wilson-Taylor

Photos Corinne Cumming

Now that the UK tour has come to an end, how are you reflecting on this latest run of shows? Well the shows were fantastic. All of the crowds were great and it was really exciting to be back there after, you know, COVID and the album delays and everything. It's felt like it was forever since we've been back. But to be able to go back with this new lineup that I have, it was pretty special. Because I feel like the live show has grown a lot. Being able to add more live musicians to it, and rely less upon synth tracks and things like that. To have people up on stage actually doing it live, we're a little more untethered, which, must like that tour itself, was pretty chaotic. But we seem to thrive on chaos. So it worked out. It was really fun.

Did it click together quite quickly with the new band? What were the initial live rehearsals like? It was really fun for me. My heart goes out to the guys who are playing for me because they had this whole catalogue of music to learn before we hit the road, but they are such professionals and so talented too and most of them live here around Utah where I'm from. Anthony, my guitar player, still is in LA. But whenever shows come up, he flies out here so we get some proper full band rehearsals. But to be able to have really professional musicians dig into the songs and learn how to play them and have some input as well is really invaluable to me because I always really enjoy when a live show has tiny deviations from the recorded versions of the album that you might have in your collection. Sometimes bands can go a little too far from that and it can be fun sometimes. But it can also be a bummer, it kind of depends on the song, I guess. But I like having small moments or extended bits, or maybe an idea that you got post recording an album, when you're all jamming it together and someone does something cool. And you go, 'Dammit, I wish that was on the record'. So you just put it in the live show and it makes for a cool experience, I think.

With the added band members, it gives you a little extra freedom to step away from the bass at moments and explore your position as a frontman. It feels good, but it's interesting too, because that was never on my bucket list. I never had that in mind for my life to be a frontman, or a lead singer. I just always wanted to make music and write and record and have that be my job. I've been lucky enough to have achieved that goal. But, you know, circumstances being what they are, I eventually landed into that role without having it as a goal, but it's something that I do enjoy. It's something I did years ago with Brobecks. But between then and now it's been more than a decade. So I think it took me a minute to sort of relearn that role and find myself in that role again, and luckily once it started rolling, it didn't take long for me to find that footing again. But there was that learning curve where I tried to remember how to be in this spot, rather than just filling a spot on the side of that stage just playing bass. So yeah, it's been fun to be able to put it down every once in a while and have a little more freedom to wander around or spill water bottles all over the stage, which is a bad habit of mine.

It also allows for a nice relationship with the audience. I mean, that's something you've always had – it almost feels like a conversation in places. It's a little secret club in a way for all these fans. That was the impetus when it started. Because this was a secret project, no one was supposed to know about it. And I really had no goals in mind for it other than to get some music out of my head and play it for a bunch of strangers that didn't know what other bands I'd ever been in and see if that art that I was making could stand on it's own two feet without waving some giant flag saying, 'Hey, everybody, I was in this band before, come and see what I'm doing.' There was something about that which felt really disingenuous and kind of gross to me. So starting this project in secret with this ridiculous band name that no one could ever find appealing made a lot of sense at the time. But as things snowballed – and what a wonderful problem to have, I'm talking about this like it's some sort of bad thing but it's not, it's a great thing – eventually it became too late to choose a more sensible band name. But, you know, band names are ridiculous anyway, so who cares? I guess the secret is just to not care. But yeah, finding that role again. It took a minute, but it's been a lot of fun. I'm enjoying it a lot.

In terms of the newer songs in the set, did playing them live and seeing the audience reaction change your opinion about them at all? It's a similar feeling for both me and the audience. Because the way that writing and recording music works now is different from how it was 20 years ago. You used to write your song, go out and play it every night, workshop it, tighten the screws on it, and then you go record it and put on a record. Now, with Youtube and streaming services and bootlegs and things, you have to keep a tight lid on this new stuff that you're working on until it's been officially released. So now, you write your song and you record it and then you learn how to play it afterwards. So taking those out into the world for the first time on stage after you've recorded it, I think it's a new experience for the audience and for the performers as well, because you get a handle on this new thing that you've already recorded. Then night by night, kind of like I mentioned before, someone might do something different. The song sort of evolves and changes a little bit from the way that you recorded it. I think there's a lot of fun to be had in that. Sometimes those things can only happen once you are in front of people and playing those songs. It's all a really organic process and I really enjoy that.

I guess the other thing you had to consider was how best to balance this new material, which pushed you into some new places musically, with the older songs that everybody knows. It's become a challenge now because when this thing started, I hadn't recorded or released anything. It was about four or five months of playing dive bars in secret and just denying that this was even a thing while I was recording. Then by the time we did have something out there, I think we put a song on YouTube first with no record label, no radio, nothing. Then that song just kind of took off. Then we were expected to fill an hour whenever we would go on tour and we had only released five songs. So learning that frontman role and stretching bits out and filling in our set with some covers and maybe some old Brobecks songs, that was the challenge. Now, the challenge has become picking a setlist that has bits and pieces of stuff that you love and that the audience would appreciate from the past and from the current record. So it's a different challenge now, but it's one that I'm enjoying. Revisiting stuff that is important to me from the past and things that I really like playing and stuff that the audience either needs to hear, because we're promoting it, or is stuff that I know they have responded to well in the past and that they'd like to hear. So it's a combination of different factors to make a decent setlist, I think, but I try to keep all that stuff in mind.

One particularly special moment at the London show was when Will Joseph Cook joined you onstage to perform your collaboration "Sunnyside'. That was fun. He's a London boy. The algorithm sent me some of his music a couple of years back and it was a song called 'Take Me Dancing', one of his songs from maybe four or five years ago. It was one of those songs that when you hear it as a songwriter, it's so good that it kind of pisses you off, you know? Dammit, that's good. So I reached out to him to see if he wanted to collaborate on some stuff, and it's been a great working relationship ever since. Then we just pass each other ideas back and forth all the time. He hit me up and asked if he could come to the London show and I said, 'Why don't you come out on stage and we'll sing this 'Sunnyside' song that we to wrote together'. He's like, fuck yeah, so we hooked up a spare microphone and ran it on soundcheck and then brought them out on stage for the set. It was a lot of fun to be able to do that. To play it live with the person who helped cowrite that was pretty special.

So you see that collaborative relationship continuing on more songs in the future? We hung out pretty much all day that day backstage and showed each other ideas that we have floating around. After I got home, I send him some more songs. So yeah, we're definitely going to keep that collaborative working relationship going. He's a good young man with a bright future.

You have also been able to bring some more Brobecks songs into your setlist and put a new, IDKHOW twist on them. Are there any more of those older songs you'd like to re-record or perform again? I've got a shortlist of maybe four or five old Brobecks songs that I think never really got a proper chance to be a proper song, you know, whether that was because we didn't have enough money to record it properly or get it mixed or mastered or even release it. Then I eventually released the songs in a vacuum and no one ever really heard it. But there's four or five I think that I would still like to give a proper chance to. It's not super high on the priority list. But it is something that I'm interested in because I am a fan of songs. And you know, probably more so than albums as a whole, I'm a song man. There are a few from the past that I think had some potential. But I would probably have to consider, you know, the passage of time in between when I first wrote them as a young man and, if I did rerecord and release, now there might have to be some lyric adjustments or something because I don't know how well some lyric choices when you're 22 would go over when you're 42. So there might be some rewrites in order. But revisiting some of those I think would be fun because this project and that project, they aren't unrelated to each other. I very well could have easily called this The Brobecks. But whenever I started this, putting a period at the end of that old project seemed like the right move and moving on to something new that didn't have any baggage to carry along with it. It felt like the move. But yeah, that doesn't mean that that stuff isn't still important to me. It's still very meaningful and I really love playing old Brobecks songs and I think that I always will.

Now that you have had some time to reflect since the release of 'GLOOM DIVISION', how are you feeling about that collection of songs now? It's interesting how your perspective changes on things. When I first recorded it, and was getting ready to release it, I was so excited and I thought this was the best work that I've ever done. Then even with the good reviews that it has gotten and the fan response, there was still more mixed reviews, or mixed feelings, about it than I thought there would be. But seeing that happen has given me a sort of step back, trying to be more objective, which is hard to do when you're making art, you know, because it really is for you. That's still number one for me whenever I make art. It is for me, and I want to like the thing that I'm making. That's the most important bit and if anyone else happens to like it, that's just a really great bonus. But I made this record and I loved it and I thought that surely everyone else would too. All of my favourite records and the things that I draw inspiration from are not popular records. These are not things that were at the top of the charts. You know, even on some of my top 10 Records of all time – Elvis Costello's 'This Year's Model' or The Flaming Lips or Ben Folds Five, all of my favourite stuff, these were never people that lived at the top of the charts. So, to me, the response kind of makes sense. As long as you're making something that you like, and you're not trying to play to the gallery, then whatever their response is, so be it.

UK artists in particular seem to have always had a big influence on you. I've been a sucker for everything British since I got into the Beatles, and if it was from the 60s and it was British then I was all about it. Even in the 90s, | was a big Britpop fan. In the post grunge-90s, Britpop in America was not the cool thing to be into, but I was all about it. Blur was my favourite. I loved Pulp and I liked Oasis too. That was my shit back in the 90s while everyone else was listening to Rage Against The Machine, which I can appreciate more now. Back then, I viewed it as the stuff my older brother and his friends were into and they're all bros. So I was being kind of a little hipster about it. But I love Rage now. But yeah, back then in the 90s, again I was into stuff that wasn't living at the top of the charts.

It must have been particularly exciting to finally come over here and play shows for the first time. Yeah it was very cool to be there finally and see where rock and roll...wasn't born but where it had been fine tuned and perfected. We may have done it first but I'm always of the mindset that y'all did it best. There's no pride in regards to, you know, who did what and when. I'm a fan of what y'all do. I love it over there.

One UK show that must stick in the memory was when you played Brixton Academy in 2016 with Panic! At The Disco just after David Bowie had passed away. That must have been quite a surreal but special moment. I remember waking up in my hotel that day to the news and being hit with it harder than I probably thought I would have ever been. I'd always been a big Bowie fan, but sometimes you don't really realize how much you like something until it's gone, which is kind of fucked up. So I woke up to the news that he had died and I cried a little bit, you know, which kind of surprised me. Then I went out walking the streets, because we had a full day before we had to be at the venue for soundcheck, and his music was everywhere. Walking past that mural that's down the street from the venue where people had made this makeshift memorial, there was this awesome sense of community. That was a great reminder about the importance behind art and behind music. All of these people walking the streets, they might not share anything in common, but at least for today, or that day, everyone's sharing this art that this man made. There's something so special about that. Whenever an artist passes along from this world, you hope that your art that you make continues to be enjoyed by people and that way you get to sort of live on and still impact people. So that's the hope. I certainly hope that's the case with me and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Playing that venue in particular, or really any historical venue where I know for sure that someone I love has played there and has walked down this staircase to the stage just like I'm doing, I always think about that right before we're about to take the stage. There's something intimidating about it and something comforting about it at the same time.

Similarly, when you played Camden Electric Ballroom with IDKHOW, that is another venue with so much history. There is a plaque outside in memory of when Prince performed there. That's another reason why I really love playing in London because there's so many choices. You throw a stone and there's a gig happening somewhere and you have your choice of just about anything under the sun that you can go see. So the fact that there are people on the other side of the world that would choose to come see this project and watch us play the songs that I write here in my basement is nothing short of a miracle to me. This last round of shows that we played over there, particularly that last show in London, to be able to have that venue full of people is so special to me and does not go unappreciated.

#dallon weekes #idkhow #idkhbtfm #i dont know how but they found me #the brobecks #brobecks #gloom division #my run-on sentence liege .#long post

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