#am i seriously my own 3 most often reblogged?

[intrulogical]

The Trajectory of Logan’s Lacking Assertion and Repressed Emotions: A Logan Sanders Dissertation

Hi! This is gonna be a bit long, but after my nth rewatch of Sanders Sides after abandoning it for a year, I’ve been trying to analyze Logan’s character with new lenses. This essay, or dissertation, or analysis, or whatever you’d like to call it, will focus on the angsty trajectory of Logan’s character and demeanor from WDWGOOBITM up until the present. It’ll also examine how Logan’s shift in behavior acts as one of the factors that influenced Thomas’s current poor mental state.  

 There’s a lot of things to discuss, so I hope you enjoy this! I’ve worked really hard on this, so any like, reblog, or even just a quick read would mean a lot. 

Just a few reminders before this: 1.) my words are not gospel, so my perspective is not gonna be 100% perfect, 2.) I will use “Thomas” to describe the character and “cc!Thomas” to describe the content creator, 3.) this isn’t meant to excuse any of Logan’s behavior or paint any character as good or bad - like what Logan’s mentioned before, the concepts of “good” and “bad” are arguably meaningless. No side is 100% good or 100% evil, just like how people are. So, while this examines Logan and others being unintentionally dismissive of him, I am in no way saying Logan is a saint while other characters aren’t.

This essay will focus on the following:

General Background

Roman and Logan as Balanced Forces for Optimal Productivity

LNTAO as the Foundation for Logan’s Self-Control

The Decrease of Logan’s Assertion and Emotional Expression in the Following Episodes

The Ultimate Outcome, and What Happens Next?

To begin, we can describe Logan’s character in the former half of Sanders Sides. In the beginning, he is more carefree and giggly, but as cc!Thomas started creating Sanders Sides more seriously, he made Logan more noticeably stoic, objective, and sometimes cold.

Another trait often attributed to Logan would be his assertiveness. This can be observed in many of the episodes where Logan fights another side: The Mind VS The Heart, My Negative Thinking, WDWGOOBITM, etc. He is a character renowned for being assertive and unapologetically himself. He himself believes that he is the most important side there is. Despite this, just like the other sides of the series, a lot of them do and believe in different things because they believe these things are beneficial for Thomas. I don’t think any side wants to intentionally sabotage Thomas, not even Remus.

 (I’ll put the read more here, but the entire essay is under the cut >:))

I also want to note that the line between Logan as his own individual self VS Logan as Thomas’ logic is extremely blurred. A lot of what Logan desires personally ultimately contributes to something as his role as logic - this will be brought up again later.

I think one of the first episodes that thoroughly investigates his importance as Thomas’ logic would be in WDWGOOBITM (the stupidest acronym /endearing). In the episode, we see Roman and Logan constantly butt heads as to what they believe Thomas’ ultimate purpose in life is. Logan is more content with the natural tides of life, implying we should merely accept life as it is and focus on our wellbeing. The problem is that Logan’s perspective of life is too stagnant and conformist. Roman, on the other hand, is more ideological, asserting that Thomas should be more curious and inquisitive about what life can be. The problem with Roman’s perspective is that it may accidentally risk Thomas’ life, straying too far away from what is realistically possible.

At the end of the episode, as much as Roman and Logan continuously argue against each other, no one is declared the winner. In fact, seeing how multi-faceted both arguments are, it’s difficult to insist that there is a clear winner in both arguments, especially when there are multiple circumstances in life we can apply both. But, and this is important, the fact that Thomas was able to listen to both sides made him find a middle ground to start becoming productive. In fact, we see Thomas himself start doing work at the end of the video because of it.

Roman and Logan’s combined perspective on life’s purpose is important because it keeps Thomas efficient and productive. He functions because of this balance.

 Now, I know that at the end of the video, Virgil mentions how Patton would have some particular insight on Thomas’ life purpose as well. While they never mention what it is specifically, I think it’s easy to deduce from the succeeding videos that Patton’s view on life would revolve around extreme empathy and altruism. For the sake of insisting that the aforementioned balance is important, I’ll combine Patton and Roman’s perspectives together since a.) they are both emotion-driven, b.) Roman’s heroic attitude and Patton’s altruism tend to overlap, especially since c.) Roman’s insecurities make him malleable to Patton’s personal beliefs. 

 So, there’s a needed balance between Roman and Patton’s perspectives and Logan’s - what now?

 Well, LNTAO, every Logan angst enthusiast’s favorite episode /lh.

 LNTAO established many things for Logan’s character, and for many years, I’ve wanted to get a good grasp on how much it actually affected him. There’s a common misconception that LNTAO was meant to prove how robotic, conceited, and selfish Logan is, but I want to assert what I actually think LNTAO provided.

 Firstly, LNTAO is an episode focused on finding useful ways to explore unknown aspects of ourselves and express our emotions effectively. There is a heavy emphasis on exploring what works for Thomas and the other sides (or at least, any side besides Logan). We figure out that Thomas learns better when tapping into childlike spaces, and that Roman, Virgil, and Patton express themselves well when tapping into song.

 It’s easy to think that Logan was merely being dismissive of the others’ way of exploration, and quite frankly, it definitely feels that way. At this point, Logan is very stuck in his own pragmatic, logic-founded way of thinking that he dismisses these attempts as childish - he’s done it before, he did it again in this episode.

 But, and this is a huge but, reducing Logan as merely dismissive during this entire episode is wrong. Rather than think of him as purely dismissive, we can harken back to the idea that Logan takes some time to process and internalize ideas that don’t necessarily apply to him. So, in a way, we can’t view him as antagonistic the whole way through. Sometimes, his way of communicating himself is by being as blunt as possible - no sugarcoating required. He just thinks, acts, and perceives things differently from other sides.

 In fact, he did try airing out his thoughts and feelings near the beginning of the episode. When he expressed what he thought might’ve made Thomas insecure about his career, we need to recognize that he was most likely talking about his own insecurities as well. Job security, career plans - that is his department after all. But, knowing Logan’s aversion to his own vulnerability, he might’ve just displaced those insecurities onto Thomas to avoid others from thinking Logan was fallible. This takes the turn for the worst however when others begin to think that Logan was trying to reprimand Thomas.

 And oh the conclusion - it brings us some good for Logan, but also, very bad. When Logan recognizes that he unintentionally dismissed and hurt the other sides, Logan becomes more open to realizing that there is more than one way to communicate oneself. That the other sides communicate in a way that is different from his own, but it doesn’t make it “childish” or “immature”. In fact, exploring these ways of communicating is what helped Thomas solve his predicament in the first place. It’s definitely good that Logan realizes the importance of what the others tried to assert and the fallibility of his own perspective.

 But, the biggest negative impact this had on Logan is that he concluded that the way he communicated his thoughts was completely unhelpful. Again, let’s bring up the fact that the lines between Logan as an individual and Thomas’ logic are extremely blurred. If he realized that his own perspective did not help Thomas at all, what would he deduce? 

 Well, he’d deduce that his own behavior would be unacceptable, of course.

 It’s the one thing that the others forgot to discuss in this conversation. Of course, I cannot blame them for that since they aren’t Logan’s parents by any means, but the fact still remains: we forgot to find importance or give merit to how Logan expresses himself. Heck, it took us a good while to recognize that Logan even attempted to express himself. Sure, he can be blunt and unintentionally hurtful, but if provided criticism, he may adjust himself accordingly without dismissing his own way of communicating entirely. Instead, they unintentionally brushed it all aside, and Logan is left to internalize the following ideas:

The others suggested an idea that actually helped Thomas,

His own ways of communicating or dismantling the issue did not work,

And thus, he should provide more leeway to Roman, Patton, and Virgil’s contributions because they seemed to be more helpful to Thomas.

(And, unconsciously, develop a sense of self-control because his attempts to help were proven futile.)

 LNTAO establishes the beginning of Logan’s immense self-restriction and prioritization of the other sides’ thoughts and arguments. You can even view the ending as a metaphor for what to expect from Logan. Logan turns into the robot puppet, claiming he doesn’t feel emotions, but when he asks others how he can get back to normal, all of them cut him off and sink out, ignoring him.

 Remember the balance I mentioned earlier? One side of the scale is tipping over. 

 Do I have proof of this, though? Well, I want you to watch LNTAO, then watch the next two episodes, specifically SVS. When I watched them when they both first uploaded, I didn’t think much of it since there was some time between each episode before they dropped. But when I rewatched the series again chronologically, I realized how Logan’s demeanor shifts so severely from LNTAO to SVS.

 As I stated in the beginning, Logan is stoic, blunt, and assertive. He likes to debate with different sides to prove a point, and he never relents. 

 But LOOK at him in SVS. When my friend who hasn’t watched Sanders Sides before joined my rewatch of Sanders Sides, she mentioned how “out of character” Logan seemed in this episode. And she was right - he’s so different from how he usually acts! This can be observed within two factors: a.) his perspective on what Thomas should have chosen between the wedding and the callback, and b.) the lack of assertion on his part within the entire episode.

 Firstly, what do we know of what Logan wanted between the wedding and the callback? It’s actually quite confusing if you look at the video. When Janus asked him personally what he would have preferred, Logan quickly and quietly implied he would have preferred the callback over the wedding. Yet, at the end of the video, Logan commented how he would have been a great opposition against Janus if he was Thomas’ lawyer. So, what is it? What does Logan genuinely believe?

 Well, consider this: Logan’s personal, individual desire is to go to the callback. But, after he mentioned this, he still said that, in the end, Thomas should choose to go to the wedding because Logan recognizes how much Thomas upholds his friends. Then after, Janus benches Logan despite the fact that they both, personally, believe in the same thing. Why? It’s because Janus knows that Logan will prioritize what he believes Thomas would want and desire over what Logan genuinely wants. 

 This denotes the beginning of Logan’s lack of assertion in terms of personal beliefs. He’s giving more leeway to what he believes Patton, Roman, and Virgil prioritize.

 And this is exacerbated by, secondly, his lack of assertion in general throughout the entire episode. This episode felt so incredibly odd because it feels like Logan merely accepted his role in the backseat. Of course, he chimed in to sprinkle in a couple of facts, but he did not contribute much to the court’s final decision. Again, this feels so odd because Logan is not a side who tends to hold back his opinions. 

 Again, he’s giving too much leeway to the other sides. He’s giving too much of a platform for the other sides to speak. 

 This isn’t the only episode where we see Logan hold back, though. I’d even argue that he even lacks assertion in episodes like DWIT and the Frozen episode despite the fact that he was prominently featured in them. Look at DWIT: the piece of advice that helped Thomas in the end was actually similar to a statement he tried to mention earlier in the episode, but he was shushed by the others before he could even mention it. Even if he knew he was right, he doesn’t persist in saying his piece until Remus arrived. With the Frozen episode, he does sprinkle in advice here and there, but he doesn’t say his entire piece until Virgil had an anxiety attack. He’s holding himself back.

 Then, there’s SVS.R, where Logan gave Patton and Roman leeway to choose how much Logan is allowed to participate in the episode. Even when he knew Patton’s behavior was unhealthy, he didn’t try to reassert himself in the situation to provide his own insights. In WTIT, I mean, this one’s more obvious, but at the end of the episode, he doesn’t even try communicating his concerns with Thomas. Of course, I can’t fault Thomas for having a bad mental space, but Logan seems to have suppressed his emotions for far too long as well. Logan provides Thomas with too much leeway while he restricts himself from giving himself any.

 The scales are already tipped over - there is an imbalance. Thomas has fully pursued and prioritized emotion-driven acts in life over the practical. Not only has Logan become unintentionally ignored by Thomas, but I truly believe that he thinks some part of Thomas’ bad mental state is his fault. While it is obvious that the other sides unconsciously planted that seed of doubt in Logan’s head first, Logan might believe that the way he proceeded with it was entirely his fault. That Thomas’ negligence towards him was catalyzed because of Logan. That his supposed impartiality was skewed after all. 

 This unintentional, grave mistake is kind of a heavy burden to have on your shoulders, isn’t it?

 Thus, when Thomas asks Logan in the 5 Years episode what he believes is in store for the future of Sanders Sides, Logan says, “you tell me.”

 You, Thomas, tell me, Logan, what I should believe.

 Logan has completely hollowed himself out and upholds the other sides’ beliefs as gospel. Logan is so down this rabbit hole of continuous neglect that he tells Thomas, “You tell me.”

 You tell me how to act, to feel, to think, to believe, and Logan will follow, 

 Because he doesn’t have a say anymore.

 And where does that leave us? Well, Logan is hinted to be connected to the mysterious Orange side somehow, and while we don’t know what the Orange side represents, I want to assert something: the anger that Logan feels as Orange should be viewed as his own. Why? Because this trajectory of negligence and toxic devotion his character is facing will not make sense if Logan didn’t feel anything bitter towards it at all. Logan deserves to feel bitter about this predicament; it makes no sense if he wasn’t at all.

 My personal theory is that Logan becomes my definition of a “Dark” Side. Rather than view “Dark” Sides as unsympathetic beings, seeing as how self-preservation/deceit and intrusive thoughts are constantly suppressed due to Thomas’ Catholic upbringing, we can view the “Dark” Sides as sides of Thomas’ personality that are being shoved into the dark. Of course, Logan isn’t being suppressed by Thomas’ Catholic upbringing anymore (at least, not directly), but he is being continuously dismissed and neglected.

 If you observe what traits comprise the “Dark” Sides, you would notice how they have mischievous, evil-seeming personas that cause Thomas to feel scared. Because Thomas feels scared of them, he turns his attention toward them - after all, if someone is being too nice or boring, we become too complacent towards them. The “Dark” Sides' mischievous personas cause Thomas to turn his attention towards them, the sides who are constantly ignored and villainized.

 So, what about Logan? Well, if he begins to embrace his angry, “Dark” side more, he may be able to use that as a means to get Thomas’ attention. Of course, we don’t know the complexities of what the orange side is and what their relationship to Logan may be, but it’s important to denote that if Logan’s arc is focused on being ignored, what better way to get Thomas’ attention than to scare him just like Remus and Janus does.

 Maybe, he can finally garner his attention. Even if it hurts.

…And that is it! One of my many meta posts about Logan Sanders. After my rewatch, the brainrot was absolutely surreal. I’m excited to talk about him more, so if you enjoyed this comprehensive analysis, please please please give it a lil ol’ reblog. It will mean the world to me.

 If you have any questions or clarifications, feel free to drop an ask! If that’s all good, I’ll see you in the next analysis post. >:)

[bluizu]

PFP credit to Laulo821!

created: June 26, 2022

last updated: March 22, 2024

my alts: @addison-on-olemassa (my OC Addison) @pollizu (random polls and such) @ikaeon (my oc Ika, which doubles as Pokemon IRL)

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hi! I'm blue/bluizu, you can call me either :] welcome to my chaotic blog! I am genderqueer and transmasc, and go by any pronouns except she/her. I'm also demisexual and omni, because... guy and girl and enby preby,,,,,. btw, a reminder that I am a minor because I've been sent way too many inappropriate messages. also, spam likes and reblogs are absolutely allowed <3

(I take requests! I currently have a shit ton of art block, but here are the rules)

My special interest is geography, and i LOVE maps. I also adore Pokémon and the games!!!!You may find posts of me when i had a hyperfixation on Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. I've had hyperfixations of LOTS of other things, some of which can be found in the tag list below!

tags to block if it's not for you:

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Blue adores Marina: Animal Crossing, mainly Animal Crossing New Horizons.

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Blue's hall of fame: my best posts/reblogs. ever.

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Dni List:

Lgtqia+-phobe. Seriously. Go away.

anti-fiction/otherkin. I'm otherkin, so piss off.

Anti-recovery. let us be happy. get help. /gen

Rad-inclus/exclus.

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Nft-bro. go fuck yourself lmao.

Porn blog. this includes kinks, and other suggestive things. I am a minor, and while kink is completely chill, i feel uncomfortable with such things.

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Trigger warnings:

I use Queer completely untagged. it isn't a slur; it's been completely reclaimed by the lgbtq community.

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that's kind of it! I'm going to update this from time to time, and this took longer than i expected, so there's definitely some errors here and there. but i hope this gives an insight to what i post/reblog here! have a great day :D

[littleoddwriter]

guess who? 🥰

as promised I am formally requesting zsaszmask and reader with atopic dermatitis headcanons, where they Absolutely Dote on reader to the best of their abilities because reader is amazing and strong and deserves all the love and support!! because atopic dermatitis can go fuck itself and they would absolutely kill it for reader 💜

(make this your perfect post please, self indulgent af okay 💜)

Roman Sionis x Male!Reader (w/ Atopic Dermatitis) x Victor Zsasz (Poly) | Headcanons

If it isn't the bestest friend in the whole wide world, hello there! :') <3 Seriously, thank you so much for requesting this, I can't possibly thank you enough for going out of your way like that, just so I can make that HC post for my own comfort, essentially. I appreciate you so much, my angel! Hope you enjoy these, too, though. I love you! <3 :) <3

notes; Male!Reader; Atopic Dermatitis; Flare-Up; Skin Disease; Chronic Illness; Itching, Scratching & Bleeding / Open Wounds; Self-Harm; Being Taken Care of; Comfort; Domestic Fluff; Poly-Amorous Relationship.

Reblogs > Likes. Thank you!

No matter what special cremes and lotions you've tried, your skin kept itching and you kept on scratching, which led to open wounds all across your body at all times, never quite healing. It's frustrating even at the best of times and both Roman and Zsasz hate seeing you in pain like that, with every movement hurting immensely, as it pulls your skin taut, threatening to split open.

It is no surprise at all when you actually start having a flare-up again, one that would most likely last for a while once more. What's more unusual - or rather new for you - with this one, is the fact that it keeps you up at night, since that's when your skin is the most itchy and you can't help but to scratch to get some relief, only to then regret it because by then you have even more spots that are open and raw, bleeding, oozing, and painful.

Whenever you wake up at night and can't sleep anymore for a little while (or for the rest of the night, depending on it), Zsasz is usually the one, who is awake anyway, and so he keeps you company and distracts you, while you're trying to calm down and ignore the near unbearable itchiness. If it's not too painful for you, he puts his arms around you and just holds you close as you're talking quietly, careful not to wake Roman, who's normally asleep beside you two (you sleep in the middle).

Nonetheless, that doesn't mean that Roman is never awake and helps to comfort you during the night as well; it's just a rarer occurrence, considering that he needs his beauty rest and is a surprisingly deep sleeper. But when he's awake as well, the three of you will stay in bed, cuddling as you watch your favourite/comfort movie or talk until you've finally fallen back asleep after all. They don't care how much it might take out of them, too, since you're their top priority at such a time.

Often times, you get really frustrated, sad and angry over the wounds on your skin and the way you keep adding more by scratching, despite knowing you shouldn't and trying your best not to; but the itchiness is just that painful - And so sometimes you start crying and punching yourself or whatever surface is closest in frustration; that's when both Roman and Victor are all over you, trying to calm you down, and making sure you haven't actually hurt yourself too badly. It helps a lot to know that they care about your well-being and to feel their bodies against yours, such as their hands stroking over your body, your face, your hair, followed by little kisses.

On top of all that, the mostly sleepless nights cause you to be so extremely exhausted, that you're having a headache most of the time, while you're just barely awake throughout the day and your energy is very low. That's why Roman and Zsasz sometimes get you to lie down with them and nap for an hour or two, when they're both free and feel like it. Even if you can't sleep during that time, it's nice to have them both cuddle you as you're allowed to close your eyes and rest with no other responsibility looming over you.

Showering is also another problem that occurs with such flare-ups, and you dread every time you have to go and do it, because it causes you to be in so much pain and afterwards your skin is so extremely dry and you can feel it splitting open, or re-opening, in several places as you're basically running against time to apply your lotions on it before it gets too bad. At the same time, it also makes you itch even more every time you get out of the shower, which is very counterproductive, of course.

That often means that you actually don't shower by yourself most of the time; and both of them take turns washing and rinsing you gently, making sure you're hurting as little as possible. And then they'll get to work and apply your creme on your skin, making it a quicker and much easier process that way. Then, before you can even think about scratching yourself open, they'll do their best to distract you, so that your mind will be anywhere else, instead of focusing on the fact that you're itching all over.

Despite there being no cure, nor much help - even from dermatologists -, which means you'll most likely have to wait it out and see where this flare-up takes you; it's made so much easier on you by having Roman and Victor take care of you like that. You may feel like a burden to them for it, but they always remind you that you're important to them; and they wouldn't do this for anybody else, but you're that special someone to them (outside of each other), and they'd fight God and the Universe to make sure you're all right.

[1-800iamhispanic]

CHAPTER ONE 3 Months Later

"You know, you really shouldn't be doing that." Trevor Belmont leans forward taking a crate filled with thick leathered books away from Sypha. She sighs, clearly she's annoyed, but doesn't bother to resist taking back the crate from Trevor.

"I didn't say anything when you insisted I shouldn't help with the construction of the town-"

Trevor raises an eyebrow and gives her one of those looks that indicates he's about to contradict her "You did." Sypha pushes past him showing him where she was taking the books, ignoring his comment and stare.

"Then, you forbade me from going out with you on hunts, when you know perfectly well I could kill more creatures of hell than you." She points at an unoccupied table in the library, her eyes closed and a smirk of content as he passes by her, doing as she commands.

"I suggested!" Trevor sets down the crate.

He looks at her just now processing what she had said. "You do kill more hell creatures and yet there is always a bigger mess to clean-"

She begins taking the books out of the crate and slamming them onto the table. "Now you tell me I can't help with the school. I'm pregnant, not disabled Trevor Belmont!"

Trevor smiles at her. He's been happier than ever watching her take charge of the town, helping with everything she can, and for keeping their child safe. She's just about four months pregnant by now, or no perhaps closer to five he thought. God, she'd be well into her fifth month and nearing sixth soon. The small bump was becoming more noticeable, but she seemed more swollen than she was last week. And it was definitely not hard to notice how she was swelling in all the right places. He watched her carefully, taking his time to admire her at this exact moment.

"I said you shouldn't, and I meant, shouldn't be carrying heavy things. You know this town needs you just as much as Junior there does." He bobs his head towards her growing womb, and she places an instinctive hand caressing the curve of her bump.

"Surely that poor child deserves a better name than Junior," a soothing voice speaks from a distant slowly creeping closer as Alucard strolls in. He steps between the two, greeting Sypha.

"Aa-ha! Alucard agrees with me, Junior is a terrible name."

Trevor scoffs and rolls his eyes at Alucard. "And he agrees with me that Treffor is a hideous name."

Sypha glares at Alucard and scoffs at the betrayal. Alucard looks innocently from Trevor to Sypha, "I think this is between the two of you."

Sypha hands the books to a woman who has approached the table. "You mean between the three of us, clearly my child likes it when I call him Treffor," Sypha places a hand on her womb again, feeling her child wiggle about at the name and smiles.

Trevor crosses his arms across his chest and inclines himself towards Alucard. "Oh, so now it's her child. But when she's hurling her guts out in the mornings it's my child."

Sypha glares at Trevor, handing another book to the woman who approached them.

She's been helping with educating the children of the town and had requested new books. Sypha waves her hands about, getting the attention back towards her. "All I'm saying is I need to keep occupied. I refuse to become nothing but a wife who bares children."

Alucard and Trevor exchange awkward glances. Alucard composes himself as Trevor keeps his brows raised obviously very aware of her mention of children.

The woman clears her throat, obviously embarrassed to interrupt their conversation. "If it is work you seek, my Lady, we can always use your expertise in arrangements of the town. No hard labor involved, simply planning and such. I heard that outhouses shouldn't be so near the wells."

Sypha picks the last of the books up herself and nods contently. "You most certainly do not want to place outhouses anywhere near where people drink water, eat or sleep."

Alucard gives her a soft smile. "This is your calling Sypha, this town does need your expertise, for now."

Sypha sighs as the woman carries her stack of books out the door. "Oh, perfect! I get to decide where this town will be shitting for the foreseeable future of Belmont," she adds sarcastically.

Holding her stack of books, she follows the woman out the library.

Trevor holds his smile until he sees the last of Sypha. It isn't until he's certain she's out of reach that he turns to Alucard. "Was there another attack?"

Alucard's feathery blond eyebrows remain still, his features serious and grim. "10 miles west of here. It was only two but that's still two more than I would have hoped to encounter." His voice flowed like silk. Trevor turned heading back into the depths of the castle. He could feel his own face turning old with the seriousness of the topic. Even more so that he had begun to keep this information from Sypha.

"We knew this would happen."

"And yet we hoped it wouldn't," Alucard pauses. He turns in the direction they came from, at the now vanished image of Sypha and turns back to Trevor.

"She should know, you know?"

Trevor turns his head, surprised and confused by Alucard's sudden opinion.

"And she will." He opens the door to an unoccupied room of the castle.

It had been decided amongst the three that this would be a room where they could train, talk and keep for themselves. After vanquishing Death and the events of the Dracula-and-Lisa's-almost vessel, Trevor and Alucard had decided it best to always be prepared. Sypha still had the adrenaline of a win, and for now was content with how things were. She was no fool and knew that there were still monsters to vanquish but for now, she should enjoy the win. Trevor grabs a few daggers large enough for damage and small enough to hide along his body.

"Sypha thought we were finished. She truly believes we won, who am I to take that away from her?"

Alucard watches him. He stays at the entrance of the room, quietly observing. He could see the hurt in Trevor's eyes if not for Sypha's lost dream then for an uncertain future of the child and or children he may bring into the world.

"Trevor, you can't keep lying. And you certainly can't go disappearing more and more often. She has noticed. It won't be long until she starts suspecting and then she'll be the one hunting you."

Trevor laughs moving past Alucard, heading back out of the castle. Alucard unexpectedly takes hold of Trevor's shoulder, keeping him back. "How long until you tire of bloodshed? Stay with the people, with your family. I can deal with the rest."

Trevor yanks his arm free, shaking his head softly as he stares at the floor. "I'm doing this for them, until my last breath. I need you here, to protect home." He heads out the castle, leaving Alucard standing alone.

"Home..." Alucard repeats softly, enjoying the sound of it.

—————————————————

Comment if you would like to read more. Reblog if you liked it.

[wildfey]

Anon from yesterday back again! About the set-up, a post on twitter explained the theory much better and I gotta look up the name. The gist is that Phoenix could've proved that he was set up. He did not have the time to have a forgery done since he got the job for defending Zak only the day before. Plus the money. Instead, there is no evidence at all he even tried. Why? Because he'd seen the courts' corruption before and decided it didn't matter anymore, plus too dangerous.

(continued) You could even point at his reply to the Judge's words and wonder if Phoenix has nothing to say because he knows it's useless to argue. Hidden powers have already decided that they will attack him and try to drag him down.

okay, okay, hello again anon, good to see you back with another excellent ask.

I always think that there are two ways to look at Phoenix's disbarment:

a) that the problem was straight-up with bringing forged evidence into court, no matter what the circumstances were.

b) that the problem was that Phoenix was assumed to have created the forged evidence and bought it into court intentionally.

Ace Attorney really flips around on which of these is true in universe (it's a plot point to some extent in 1-5, 3-3, 4-1, and 4-4) but considering that Phoenix gets his badge back almost immediately after it's proved that the second wasn't the case, I'm going to assume that presenting forged evidence accidentally is either not an issue or less of an issue. This tends to be the fanon majority stance too. (It's worth noting that Edgeworth is implied to have pulled some strings irt getting Phoenix's badge back. Ymmv and so on.)

With our framework safely in place, the question arises: If Phoenix could have avoided punishment, or at least public shaming, by revealing the set-up, why wouldn't he? As you point out, the forgery doesn't make sense once you start to look into it and we know that Phoenix did put a lot of these pieces together. Hell, he could have made these arguments when Misham testified during the Gramarye trial. But he doesn't. (Warning: this is a more headcanon-y meta than my last one, because the 7yg is... a gap and we have very little concrete info on what the fuck Phoenix was up to. He got a kid, worked on jury trials, played good poker + bad piano, and had some sort of frenemyship with Kristoph. That's pretty much all we've got).

Firstly: Corruption. The AA court system is ridiculously corrupt, and at the point that Phoenix is disbarred, he becomes emblematic of this - he's a man with a history of revealing injustice - notably Von Karma & Gant, but even without them he still won some high profile cases - and once he's disbarred, it's implied that the narrative is flipped, turning him into a figurehead for that which he fought against (dark age of the law, etc). The obvious conclusion is that his disbarment was a convenient way to discredit him - powerful and corrupt figures (and in AA there are many) don't need to fear Phoenix Wright if he isn't a lawyer and his reputation is ruined. The counter argument is that Phoenix... has always done some questionable things with evidence (1-5, 2-4, and 3-3 stand out to me). But no more so than anyone else in this fucked-up universe. Either way, Phoenix has always worked in a system stacked against him, and it's very possible that he suspected there to be manoevering behind the scenes (and there was! We know Kristoph existed and was purposefully working against Phoenix.) HOWEVER, I don't believe that any of this would stop him on it's own, because it's been long established that Phoenix Wright does not give a shit about bad odds.

So, what would make him accept it? Anon, you mention danger in your ask, and I do see that as partially true - Phoenix isn't concerned about danger to himself, but he has a kid to care for. I would say, however, that especially when we come to Kristoph, as much of a bastard as he is, Phoenix had no evidence that he could be violent to the point of murder until 4-1. Before that, his influence was long-distance life ruining, rather than active threat (though long-distance life ruining is pretty scary on its own when you're raising a small child with low funds). I do see that as a cause, but one of many, and this is the point where I'd like to go back to the conversation on motivation.

I am going to make the argument here, as I did in the other answer, that Phoenix, in the 7yg and possibly elsewhere, is depressed, and that one symptom of that is a loss of motivation. It's implied by the game itself, and makes more sense than most of the alternatives.

(I won't get too personal, but the years of my life where I dressed like this... not good years lol)

My headcanon has always been that by the point that Phoenix had sorted out his guardianship of Trucy and got himself out of that initial low that came from having his life ruined, it was too late to fix his disbarment and he had to change tracks, and that's when he became interested in MASON. (Not to self-promote, but I'm realising that a lot of what I've said here is rephrased ideas from The Path Once So Clear, so if you want 15,000-ish words on the subject, it's there). Of course, when talking about Phoenix's 7yg depression, I think it's also important to mention that Phoenix in AA4 is very much implied to be putting on an act (which is pretty common in AA4 in general. Most characters in that game have both a public and private face). Being 'Beanix' - eg. the piano/poker player with no prospects who works in a shitty restaurant and takes nothing seriously - is a convenient cover while he works on the things that he doesn't want to be targeted for (and here we come back to the corruption angle).

As to how far the depression helps that act... well, that could be a whole conversation on its own. Once again, I'm very much coming into headcanon here, but I'm reminded of the phenomenon where someone with depression will deliberately exacerbate it, either as a form of self-harm or as some attempt to fit a role (artists are especially prone, due to the 'depressed artist' stereotype. I see it most in the emo scene). Beanix has always seemed to me as someone who is deliberately messing up his own life - he repeatedly provokes Apollo, essentially sabotaging their relationship, he puts himself into dangerous situations for no real reason (this is a general Phoenix trait), and despite the fact that we KNOW Maya and Edgeworth were supportive of him during this period, we never actually see them around, presumably because he's keeping them at a distance. How much of this is for the act, and how much is real?

Again, we've come very much off topic (whoops) but I see a lot of this as another aspect of Phoenix's low self worth - is there a difference between the image he projects of a man who has given up due to being disbarred, and the real Phoenix who is still actively working behind the scenes but is very obviously not doing well because he can't 'save people' - the thing which so much of his identity relies upon? I think there is, but I also think the image too often becomes the reality, and AA4 does carry this underlying theme of how wearing these masks of a public persona can affect your 'true self'.

As always, I genuinely love to see other people's takes on this, either in the tags, in reblogs, or via asks. This one is very headcanon-y, and I know there some entirely different perspectives out there, some of which I really like. (Also this one got to be heavy. Look after yourselves guys.)

[soulmate-game]

Okay, I’m not sure if what I was trying to say in my last post was said very well.

I completely understand the tagging situation from the First Wave with the DC fans. That’s discourse that is mostly solved and we can’t do anything about those who are forever gonna be bitter or lazy. I’m not talking about that stuff.

The stuff I want to prevent/limit is the hate that comes after our fandom deliberately. And yes, I know I can’t stop it. None of us can stop bitter, antagonistic people from being bitter and antagonistic. None of us can stop people who just want to be angry.

I’m not talking about stopping them, though.

I’m talking about what we can do to protect ourselves as creators and consumers in this fandom. As people who love and appreciate what the creations and people in this fandom have to offer. In simplistic form, I’m saying we need to learn how to shield ourselves from bullies. And there are methods we can use to make ourselves less of a target to the people who go after us, and methods to cut their attacks off short. None of these methods are fool-proof, but they will work to filter out a good majority of the shit we would otherwise be showered by, like a big umbrella against Assholery. Sure, the wind might still blow some in our face and we might splash in a puddle or two by accident, but at least we aren’t soaked.

So let me list the various things that can help you shield yourself from hate/harassment/antis who might just be out to get you.

1) leave the fandom.

The most effective, but least attractive method possible. This is limited to being a last ditch effort, if things have just gotten too hard to handle. I’m covering it first though, because we have to acknowledge that it is a viable method. If you feel trapped, hated, bullied, I’m sure all of us in this fandom would prefer you take a break and leave us for a while in the sake of your own health and safety then stay where you are miserable. This is less of a problem for us though, because mostly this option is gonna be for fandoms where the discourse and attacks are internal. Maribat is largely a peaceful and supportive/healthy environment once you’re inside our little bubble, the main discourse comes from outside in. So let’s focus on the main point of this post— how to keep our bubble from popping.

2) Make it apparent right away that you are Unapologetic.

Whenever you post content or are approached by someone about the topic of your fandom, don’t you DARE ever apologize for liking what you like or posting unproblematic content. You need to make it clear right off the bat that you are not gonna be swayed, bullied, or shamed out of your fandom. Stand with pride and make it clear, but don’t be verbose about it. A simple “Don’t like, don’t read” is classic but sometimes if you’re posting/talking during a more confrontational period of the fandom, you need to up your game to reflect that. The funny thing is, people can easily be intimidated by swearing if it isn’t directed at them or clearly antagonistic. If you’re swearing in a joking, casual or even in a manner that shows you’re not taking yourself too seriously, people will usually avoid picking fights with you. For this, my favorite lines to use on my work include;

“Don’t like, I don’t fucking care. I fell down the rabbit hole.”

“Don’t bother reading if you’re not into this, this shit bitch-slapped me and dragged me along on it’s adventure.”

“I’m addicted to this fandom, don’t bother trying to save me. If it bothers you, I don’t give a fuck. Save yourselves.”

3) Don’t approach or interact

Unless someone comes at you first, never try to persuade someone away from hating us. That just makes you a target in an empty field, for the vultures to surround and gang up on. If someone approaches you with provocative but not overly insulting or intelligent language— I.e; trying to start a fight, vague insults not always relating to the fandom itself, trying to insult your character/judgement— do not respond. Delete the message, block the account, and surround yourself with fluffy good stuff to forget the wanna-be harasser. These people are often not brave enough to outright start a fight, and want you to get defensive first so they know the weak points in your armor to exploit. Defensive statements declare your own insecurities, don’t get defensive. It gives them a way to win without having to defend themselves or feel vulnerable— it’s like exploiting type differences in Pokémon. You wait for an unfamiliar Pokémon to expose it’s type, then snipe it with the moves it’s weak to. Then, you have a near sure-fire win even with under leveled Pokémon on your team.

Don’t be a proud Infernape that gets sniped by a weak-ass level 5 Piplup. We’re strong, don’t show them the chinks in our armor.

4) Have a support network. Even if they don’t know they are your support network.

The fandom as a whole serves this purpose, and this is mostly gonna be a tactic you use when the discourse is inside the fandom, but there can be uses for this in discourse from outside the fandom as well. If someone tries to act like they like your story/art “but...” they passive aggressively state things they “would prefer” or they try to make it sound like you made stupid mistakes (a tactic to make you insecure about yourself) instead of kindly pointing out errors or offering constructive criticism (ex: “you know you put your trigger list somewhere where it’s useless right? Love your story though.)—THESE ARE ALL PROVOCATIONS. They are trying to make you insecure so that you change things about yourself, your work, or jump through hoops to try to “make it up” to them when you did nothing wrong and there are no problems to fix. Do not fall for it! Instead, politely as possible, bring the issue into a public space where you feel safe/trust the people in that space to keep the bullshit from escalating. For me, I straight up explain my reasoning for the placement of my trigger list as if I’m advertising a particularly boring but important product that I’m selling, then offer places for them to bring the issue into a discussion with others. I send them to a discoed group or right here to my tumblr, and I immediately make the issue into a big discussion (do YOU think there is anything to change? Let’s ALL talk about it) so that I am no longer isolated and easy for them to harass. They might refuse to join the discussion and further try to pressure you, but do not cave. Merely say that a public discussion has been started, and if they are actually, legitimately concerned about the way you do things then they can debate it in a public setting. This way, you have back up. 9/10 people who try to target you this way will back off and never enter the conversation you started.

5) Do not fight back.

This sounds counterintuitive, but a lot of the time once discourse gets this bad, arguing/defending/ trying to prove your point only fuels their rage more. I have found that people hate very little in this world more than they hate being wrong. And people who hate being wrong will fight to the bitter death about their opinions, no matter how invalid or hurtful they are, in the favor of their blissful ignorance. Remove yourself from harmful discussions or those that seem to be going in circles as soon as possible, and try to surround yourself in your support group. Never let people make you feel stupid, your opinions illegitimate, or your likes/dislikes invalid or evil.

6) Try to learn how to recognize bullies in disguise

It’s too much for me to try to cover here, but you need to PLEASE look into how to spot gaslighting. Tactics of gaslighting are often used to attack others and try to make them feel like their own opinions are invalid or their mindset untrustworthy. People will often approach you in the guise of friendship/support/ “I am not into this, but...” and while this is not always a red flag, we have to keep our eyes open for any signs of this person or their approach being rooted in anything other than legitimate curiosity or kindness. Not all suggestions that say they are out of concern actually ARE. Keep an eye out for warning signs, and cut off interaction once things seem like they may lead to an argument or you being in a vulnerable position if you continue interacting.

(Brief mention of s**cide and threats in the section below)

7) If all else fails, BLOCK THEM.

No hesitation, we don’t need this shit. They make a second account? Block that too. Don’t respond, only take screenshots or reblog if it is directly harmful information that can/should be documented (words that encourage suicide, threats, insults that seem a little too specific for comfort) and give the evidence to someone you trust to look out for you. A therapist, a family member, or even the authorities if you deem that necessary. Just don’t handle it alone.

We are not responsible for other people’s actions, opinions, or anger. Take the steps to protect yourself instead of trying to reconcile. Sometimes, reconciliation isn’t an option. Both parties have to be willing to reconcile, and it is clear they have nothing in mind but hurting us. So raise your shields and protect yourself and your friends, we’re not gonna lose a war to petty jerks.

[wistfulwatcher]

Hello I saw your tag on that "im 25 and dying post" please tell us how it got better for you. Im 26, still living with parents, currently having a fight with my boyfriend, and i still have a year until I get my bachelors. The comparison to everyone younger than me is killing me.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I hope you can take some solace in the fact that that post has a lot of notes and you are absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do! I can certainly try and share my experience, but unfortunately I think the biggest factor is just time (and like, a buttload of self-reflection).

I moved back home after college and worked full time at an administrative job I was doing during school breaks. I majored in psychology and anthropology in college, and was planning to eventually go into forensic psychology, but wasn't interested in going straight into grad school. So I did that administrative job for about a year, and tried to find something that was a bit more stable and at least semi-related to my field. I did end up finding a new job when I was 23 - stable, semi-related to my field (a psych/research background was required), and decent pay (especially as I was still living at home). Exactly what I needed, since I still wasn't ready to start looking into grad school.

I was doing pretty well, until I started getting comfortable at that job, and then I started getting hit with the "I'm not doing enough," and "I need to look into grad school," and "will I ever find a boyfriend?" (friendly reminder that 23-year-old me thought she was straight, yikes), "how will I afford to move out, I have to save my money and do it soon!", "I'm not doing anything but watching TV, I'm wasting my life," "I'm lonely, but I'm too tired to try and make friends," etc., etc.

But it wasn't constant. I'd have a flurry of those questions and fears, and then days where I was just living life and doing my job and taking care of my dogs, without any of that. And I don't think I felt good or particularly comfortable those days, it was more like I just wasn't actively thinking about it, like when you feel "good" after a physical pain goes away and you're just normal.

Eventually, I started thinking about all of these concerns I had, and the fact that it felt like it was URGENT whenever I thought about them. It felt like I needed to get my shit together immediately. I also started to acknowledge that there was this big sense of guilt around those concerns; I was too old to be living at home, I was too old to be single, I was too old not to be starting a career. I felt like I was wasting my life (cue the guilt), and I realized that part of why I felt like I was wasting it was that I felt like I was missing milestones I wouldn't be able to do at a later time because the older I was past "normal" the more humiliating it would be to try (cue the shame and embarrassment, hard).

I also started to doubt that I wanted to go into forensic psychology. More importantly, I started to seriously doubt that I wanted a "career" at all. My job (as I kept that same semi-related to my field one) was absolutely a job, not a career. And I think this was a huge tipping point for me, because a career had always been a given in my life. I'm passionate about what I'm interested in, so it literally just never occurred to me that I would be content with a job. I also started acknowledging that I had some messed up associations about being content with a job meaning that I was lazy (because the only way to be ambitious is with a career and, more damaging, a lack of ambition is fundamentally bad).

Now, I need to clarify that all of the above occurred over the course of years. I was constantly seeing "friends" (i.e., of the facebook variety) go to grad school, start careers, get married, buy homes, etc. And with all of that alongside the entire mess I've outlined in the above paragraphs, it was really, really, tough. It gets hard to find a foothold in better thinking, I believe, when seeing all of these people (some younger) doing things "right" was really just compounding my guilt and shame. (I feel like it's worth mentioning, too, that I was always "an individual" growing up, march-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drummer, yada yada. I feel like that's worth pointing out for others who may be in the same boat, because I think it can lead to another layer of shame in comparing yourself to those around you - especially if it's a big part of your identity that you DON'T do that, because I think it's inevitable as you get older, and you're looking to reach these milestones that prove you're an adult.)

So, here I am, acknowledging that I feel guilt and shame about what I'm not doing. And suddenly I ask myself my first really important question: Do I want a career? The question hot on its heels is: Do I want to go to grad school? Honestly, my answer is no. There is nothing in me that's excited by the prospect. But what, does that mean I'm just going to work my job for the rest of my life? How is giving up going to make me feel better about Not Doing Enough?

As I'm opening this door (remember, years), three things happen: 1) I realize I'm gay, 2) I watch Dirty 30, 3) I start playing D&D.

First, realizing I'm gay. Woohoo! Not only was this exciting because girls are amazing, but it made me seriously look at myself. Realizing I had spent 25 years assuming one thing about myself that turned out to be completely wrong made me question everything for a while. I started to ask myself, "Do I really like this?" more often, which seems like a really obvious question, but I'm not convinced that it's one people ask themselves consciously all that often. But once I did, I realized how freeing it was to answer, "No," and move on to something I did like.

Second, I watched Dirty 30, the Grace Helbig/Mamrie Hart/Hannah Hart movie. It feels dramatic to say that it changed my life, but the older I get the more I honestly think it did. Mamrie Hart's character is a dental hygienist who is freaking out about turning 30 and feeling very much like that text post I reblogged. But (spoilers), at the end of the movie, she decides that she loves her job (job, not career!) because it's comfortable and she has fun at work, and that it makes her happy. She has other things going on, but the idea that a character in a film is content with her job and choosing to "settle" into her life as-is and she's genuinely happy about it? I honestly can't think of a single other time I've seen that happen on-screen. I still think about that ending very often. And after seeing it, I started to ask myself another question regularly: "Am I happy?" Again, this feels pretty obvious, but I think there is something incredibly empowering about making sure you are happy on a regular basis, instead of just assuming that you're fine until something hurts.

Third, I started playing D&D. This is not a plug for D&D! (Well, maybe a little.) One thing that happened to me when I started to get into the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion mess of my mid-20s was that I got very much into a routine of go to work, come home, sleep, go to work, come home, sleep, be totally brain-dead on the weekend, repeat. I found it very difficult to feel creative because I was just wiped, and as all of my creative outlets (gifs, fanfic) are self-motivated, it was really easy to brush them off. I ended up starting Critical Role (this is also not a plug for CR! well, maybe), and I wanted to give D&D a try myself. (I was VERY lucky - my best friend happened to be listening to the Adventure Zone at the same time I started CR, and she wanted to try to run a game. The stars truly aligned!)

I started playing, then DMing, and found that it was a great fit for my interests. I used to be a theatre kid, and I was getting to act again (something I didn't realize I was missing). I was getting to build and flesh out characters, which is what I love the most about writing fanfic. I was also discovering that I was stretching myself - world building and plot had never been my strong suit, but as a DM it became the majority of my creative effort. It gave me soft deadlines with people I didn't want to let down, and it made me truly social again for the first time since college. Essentially, it was filling in all of the gaps of what I felt lacking in my life. This isn't a D&D plug because it wasn't D&D specifically, but rather a hobby that satisfied what was missing in my life. For example, I didn't realize how isolated I was before D&D until I had regular interactions with friends, and that isolation absolutely made the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion worse.

D&D gave me that final push to realize that I was OK with having a job and being passionate about hobbies instead of trying to fit myself into a career, because I was getting out of that hobby what I had been convinced I would get out of a career. I started to really value that I could punch out and go have fun doing exactly what I wanted to do. (It feels so obvious as I type this, but it took me a long time to get here! Sometimes it really is that simple!)

The above is specific to my job vs. career struggle which may not be in the mix of things you're struggling with. But what I do think is universal/can be your take away, is that sometimes you just have to actively choose to let go of the pressure to be doing things. Which, I know, sounds so much easier than it is (and part of why I think it just takes time/is part of growing older). But I think it's something that can be worked at over time, by checking in with yourself about what you feel, why you feel it, and what you need to make yourself feel better in the present.

It's been 6 years since I started that semi-related job, and I'm still there. I still live with my mom. I'm still single. My circumstances have not changed since 24, but honestly? I'm OK. When I check in with myself about it, I do enjoy living with my mom and our dogs (even though I'm 30 and "real" adults move out). I am happy more often than I'm not (much more, actually!). I have a job that allows me to be done after 8 hours, and I have hobbies I look forward to doing each night (and the energy to do them, most of the time). My weekends are free to play D&D with my friends and laugh until I cry. That is what I've worked out as my definition of what I want life to be right now. You'll notice it includes none of the "milestones" that those younger than me have hit.

As I noted on that text post tag, I still struggle with this. I definitely have days where I think, I'm a mess, I'm not DOING anything. It's hard. But time does help, those days become fewer and farther between.

I know that was probably a hundred times longer than you wanted it to be, but I did want to illustrate just how much of a process it is. It takes time. My summary advice is to check in with yourself often, be honest about what you want and what you need, do not let anyone else define where you "should" be. And if you aren't living life how you want to be, identify what you can do (however small) to make yourself feel like you're getting closer.

[notnctu]

nctblr ff survey results

hello nctblr writing community! i made a short form to assess reader preferences! originally, it was for me to optimize my own writing and to satisfy my own curiosity about what my readers enjoy to read. but i thought, why limit it to my own audience? I hope, readers and writers alike, can find these results helpful to your own works!

I had 162 responses and so, i want to thank everyone who took the time to take this survey and for the many writers who reblogged it! the audience is reflective of those who it reached in the nctblr community from reblogs and predominantly my own audience. with that being said, i am a blog that writes for both SFW and SMUT content. regardless, i hope you can find these intriguing and rather helpful!

please do not repost these results, but reblog/like/share it to your hearts content! these results are from JAN 2021.

i would like to preface to everyone to respect the opinions of the results and not to cause any discrepancy when viewing. if so, i will delete your comments. this is a safe place and i will not tolerate any slander regarding how the results played out. okie thank you!! you may view everything under the cut and again, lots of love and thank you to everyone!

general info questions:

1. are you a minor or 18+?

18+: 133/162 (82.1%)  minor: 29/162 (17.9%)

2. who is/are your nct biases?

*i want to note that many people selected multiple members for this question and aren’t reflective of who they read for. you will see later in the post that who people read for have different results. 

3. what timezone are you in?

- EST (32)

- GMT (17)

- PST, Pacific (18)**

- PST, Philippine Standard Time (3)** 

- GMT +8 (14)

- CST (13)

- IST (7)

- GMT +7 (6)

- CET (6)

- AEST (5)

for the sake of keeping this post not excessively long, these are the top 10 timezones that had the most responses. there are also people who didn’t know their timezones.  ** a lot of people didn’t specify between Philippine or pacific, and the 3 under Philippine standard times were the only ones that did. 

4. what days do you prefer to read?

1. doesn’t matter (149)

2. saturday (12)

3. sunday (9)

4. friday (7)

5. tuesday (3)

6. wednesday (2)

7. monday (1) & thursday (1)

5. what times do you prefer to read?

1. 12 AM - 3 AM (44)

2. 3 AM - 6 AM (10)

3. 6 AM - 9 AM (6)

4. 9 AM - 12 PM (6)

5. 12 PM - 3 PM (11)

6. 3PM - 6PM (24)

7. 9PM - 12 AM (50)

8. doesn’t matter (97)

the bold ones are the times with the significant amount of higher votes.

fanfiction questions

6. what genres do you read/prefer the most?

1. fluff (121) 2. angst (101) 3. smut (96) 

here are some that others included under the other option:

angst with happy ending (5) a mix of all three (3)  slowburn (2) crack/humor (2)

7. what are your FAVORITE tropes/aus? 

1. college au (112) 2. enemies to lovers (108) 3. best friends to lovers (91) 4. bad boy au (70) 5. childhood best friends to lovers (69) 6. fwb au (65)  7. friends to lovers (64) 8. soulmates au (62) 9. established relationship (59) 10. hogwarts au (55) 11. fantasy/supernatural (48) 12. strangers to lovers (45) / high school au (45)

some that others included under the other option:

idol au (3), coffee, mafia (8), fake dating (3), racing (2), reverse tropes, royalty (2), crush, mutual pining, mythology (2), ceo, idiots to lovers, based on tv shows/books/movies, dystopia, roommates (2), pwp, medical, rich kid/private school, historical, arranged marriage

8. what are your LEAST favorite tropes/aus?

1. fantasy/supernatural (50) 2. hogwarts au (40) 3. established relationship (29) 4. high school au (27)  5. bad boy (25) 6. soulmate (21) 7. none (18) 8. fwb au (13) 9. childhood best friends (12) 10. enemies to lovers (11) 11. strangers to lovers (7) 12. best friends to lovers (6) 13. college au (4) 14. friends to lovers (3)

some that others included under the other option:

sports au, royal (2), mafia (2), exes to lovers, stalker, yandere (2), hybrid, idol

9. story length preference?

15+k words and 4k-6k words tied for most at 33 votes (20.4%), while less than 1k words got the least at 2 votes (1.2%). 13k - 15k words had the second fewest at 8 votes (4.9%).

10. who do you read for the MOST?

top 5 members who are read for the MOST: 

1. Haechan (90) 2. Jaemin (79) 3. Jeno (76) 4. Mark (70) 5. Jaehyun (66)

please note that this should not discourage you from writing for other members! 

11. who do you WANT to see more fics written for?

top members who people want to see more fics for:

1. Doyoung (50) 2. Xiaojun (45) / Yangyang (45)  3. Renjun (43) / Kun (43)  4. Taeil (35)  5. Sungchan (31)

a biased a/n: i say this alot on my blog... but my mans dy’s tags are so dry and its obvious others know this too... so i hope this gives you more insight about who to write for!

12. Open Response Addition Feedback

- ALL OF YALLS WRITERS ARE AMAZING!!! Thank you so much for supplying us nctzens with A+++ quality fics to fill our days. Often times I seriously am at awe with how amazing all of you write and I’d think to myself, “damn.. i’m really getting all of this for free.” SO THANK YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL AND MAGNIFICENT BEINGS. We all love and appreciate you guys so damn much ♥️

- thank you so much for taking time to write ♥️ i really wish i had time to write an ask/message to every writer who’s works i have read cause it helps me get through the day, especially when im on my study break 🥺♥️

- I appreciate you for even caring about our preferences :D writers don’t get enough credit and I wish yall know how valued you are in this community <3 take care and stay safe

- smut shouldn't be in high school AU's :// and people should stop using images from when members were underage in their smut headers :///// also, thank you for doing this!!!

- whatever you write is amazing and your opinion of your work should come before the readers. remember that you’re writing for yourself before you write for readers <3

- to all writers, i love u and ur art! keep the magic happening <3

- There's too little of doyoung smut collection

and to everyone who left me personal messages, thank you!! you’re all so sweet and im glad to be able to do this for everyone :) 

conclusion

thank you for making it this far and hopefully, this helps you in your own writing endeavors! i know this definitely helped me in many ways with my own and im more than grateful for everyone who participated (reblogging my survey, taking it, leaving open feedback). let me know if you have any questions :) 

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Do you have any sort of, words of encouragement, for a Greek-American who is struggling to learn Greek? My family is pretty connected to our heritage but I was never taught to speak Greek. I am an adult now, and I know I'm at an incredible disadvantage trying to learn a new language. The most discouraging thing is when I try to pronounce a word with a sound that isn't really in English (like γ) and I KNOW I am not saying it right, but no matter how hard I try I can't pronounce it correctly.

Hello! I'm very sorry for delaying this answer for some days, but as we see here, Zeus was fucked this week 😅

I will pin my answer so you can see it when you return, and the rest will be under the cut.

I believe there are MANY reasons for hope in this situation. Of course it feels very discouraging that you don't know the language already and you might feel left behind in this process. Plus, learning a new language is not an easy thing to learn. But worry not!

You are grown, and that means you can learn a language better and with more consistency and discipline. Have trust in your skills as an adult. What is more, you have grown up around Greek speakers and you will pick up certain things faster.

You are not alone in feeling this way. Most of the world has to learn a second language (and a third, as it's usual for many) and that would be the language most dominant in the wider area. Almost every person in the West who is not an English speaker has to learn English and learn it well, otherwise we feel embarrassed every time we try and form a sentence. For example, we apologize to each other about our accents in English German and French, even though we speak Greek.

Surely there are some differences between your situation and ours, but I mentioned this to show you that most people will be very understanding with accents because they have the same struggle. I mean, I'm not going to make fun of someone for having an accent in Greek when I sound like a demented chicken in German, despite taking years of lessons 😵 I have more confidence in my English but even now that I'm writing to you in this language I have to quadruple-check my sentences and phrasing. The amount of times I apologized in advance for my accent to English speakers is higher than my credit.

I relayed your situation to other Greek speakers and non-English speakers, and ALL agreed the accent is not anything they would pay attention to and told me to write you that you shouldn't feel bad about that. I did that because I knew they would have words of encouragement for you. And it turns out they believe exactly what I'm writing in this answer.

Accents are natural. You cannot expect not to have an accent when you have been speaking a different language all your life. Beating yourself up for having difficulty with the Greek pronunciation is like beating yourself up for something normal like walking or laughing when hearing something funny. You lack practice with the pronunciation due to circumstances beyond your control. You are doing what you can to change that, and every small win is worth celebrating!

I found this post the other day:

The notes? The likes?

And NO disagreements in the comments and reblogs for OP’s statement! Look how many thousands are supportive in this! (And that’s a small fraction of people who understand accents are natural.) And some of the responses:

Sure, some mention they have met native speakers who made it more difficult to feel comfortable with their accent and phrasing. But those people are assholes in general, and not the people you want to surround yourself with. If a relative expresses disgust about your accent remind them you didn’t have any control of how much and how well you were taught Greek when you were a kid, and then tell them that if they are a true friend and relative to you, they should support you in your journey. And even if you had some control and chose not to learn, you are learning now. So they should leave their resentment behind because, honestly, what do they have to lose from you learning the language better??

For the embarrassment you feel for yourself: you wouldn't make fun of a Greek for having trouble with the “r”, "s", “ch”, and possibly the "h" when speaking English, so extend that kindness to yourself when you speak Greek. Not to mention that with enough practice and time you can nail the accent!

Worst case scenario, if the accent never leaves, that's no problem whatsoever. Anyone who thinks badly of you for your accent is probably a PoS and they don't deserve your time. No matter where you are from, if they make you feel bad for having an accent in Greek, block them from your mind forever.

But chances are that (from experience) if anyone laughs with how you said something, I guarantee they are not laughing at you but because of how strange the sound or phrasing was. The person doesn't think badly of you because of this. Making mistakes of any kind when learning a language is very natural and it's something everyone must accept. If you are not willing to make mistakes and expose your language vulnerabilities to people who know the language better, might as well not try improving at all.

If anyone corrects you, they are not doing it out of pity. The majority of Greeks do it because they are very happy you speak the language and want you to be even more fluent. Like, they are doing it as an act of backing you up, they are feeling like they are giving you that extra XP to reach the next level! Others - like me - get that rush of happiness when they get to share their language with others 😁

I remember a guy on Tiktok who was learning Greek and ordered a coffee "without sugar" in a Greek cafe but instead of saying σκέτο ("without") he said σκατά ("shit"). I mean damn that was funny! I remember it weeks after I saw the video of him telling that story and it always cracks me up. Do I still appreciate him the same as before and follow him? Absolutely! He just had an unfortunate - and funny - incident, not something that lessened his integrity as a person.

From tiktok again: An American girl wanted to pronounce γύρος correctly when ordering it, and she was mumbling to herself on camera: “yeero, yeero, yeero!!” When her time to order came she shouted “May I have a gairow? FUUUUCKK FUUCK FUCK I SAID IT WRONG” 🤣

Another example is Athena from the Bachelor 2! She has given some gems throughout the show because she doesn't know the language that well, but everyone still loves her because she spreads positivity and is so cute!! If we, as viewers, disliked her it would be because of her character, not because she doesn't know the language well. And if some of the other girls in the show don’t take her seriously is because she laughs too much and mentions feta too often, not due to her Greek level of literacy. Athena, even when she is hurting someone else’s feelings, is always so genuine and you just can’t be mad at her!

I really can’t stretch enough how people laugh at the mishap, not the person! Please don’t feel discouraged if you ever see a Greek laughing with the pronunciation of an English speaker when it comes to Greek words (which I have done as well) because we never laugh at the speakers. We don’t even know them! We might laugh at one mistake but then instantly want to become this individual’s friends because we think they are amazing (see the three examples I mentioned above, the sugar guy, the gyro girl and Athena). Because that’s the normal thing to do; laugh at fun stuff and not judge people for their small mishaps. (In a casual setting, and not to an uncomfortable degree ofc!)

There are so many things to a person other than their accent and the accent becomes old news really fast. What remains is how the presence of a person makes you feel and if they are a good individual. If an English speaking friend says yatakai instead of γατάκι that opens the way for sooo many jokes! Greeks will laugh, do some YATAKAAIIII screams - ninja style, and then continue being friends with that person!

Greeks makes these mistakes as well... A Greek once said "arrive arrive" (φτάνει φτάνει) instead of "enough" when an English speaker was filling his glass. A Lower English degree caught fire that day 🤣 I have many bad examples of Greeks’ mistakes in English but I can’t remember a lot. But I’ve seen many videos of Greeks mocking themselves for how they sound in English. You can take a look at Tsipras’ (our former prime minister) mistakes on youtube if you are feeling brave 😂 (Ο Τσίπρας μιλάει Αγγλικά)

So, own your possible mistakes, laugh at them and move on because everyone makes them and we better have some good while we are struggling!

(( For the record, we are not making fun of Tsipras because of his accent, but because 1) he doesn’t know γρι English and yet he rarely brought a translator with him in international meetings with world leaders, 2) he could absolutely not hold a conversation with negotiating or discussing 3) he didn’t take steps to improve or fix the situation (like bring a translator). 4) Instead, he chose to torment us all with mind-numbing hours of reading English texts and making other world leaders struggle to explain to him what they meant for the nth time and meetings move at a snail pace.))

Alright, now that I cringed with the memory of Tsipras speaking English, I’ll go though the recommendations for improving the Greek pronunciation.

1) Go to my resources for learning Greek (#learn greek) where I have many videos where you can hear the sounds individually or withing other words very clearly. Easy Greek on youtube has excellent videos about pronunciation!

2) Seek practice as much as possible. Some Greeks switch to English when they hear an English accent to make the conversation smoother for the other person. If Greek speakers insist on talking with you in English tell them that you would wish to speak in Greek. I've seen that people often mirror the accent of the native speaker when they speak to one, so this might work for you as well with hours of practice. If no Greek speakers are available to you now, you can find Greek Americans online – or go to their festivals – and start talking to them.

3) Listen to Greek podcasts, songs and shows. (In my blog you’ll find them at #greek youtuber #podcast #greek tv #greek movie #short film #greek music). You know when you hear a catchy foreign song and then it’s stuck in your head and you say all the words perfectly without even knowing what it means? Well, this helps with pronunciation!

4) If you had Spanish in school or have Spanish friends mimicking the Spanish accent might help you. (Our accents are extremely close! The Spanish are the best at Greek pronunciation, and vice versa!)

5) Find sounds in your native language that sound close to the sounds you want to say in Greek. In German lessons I had trouble with “ch” in certain words because I made it sound like χ and it was horrible. My Greek teacher told me to remember how χ sounds in χήνα (it sounds a bit flatter) and make that sound when I encountered “ch”. It worked actually!

To people who have English as their native language I often suggest they remember the sound of w for γ because, although not used the same in the word, at times they have the same intensity. Γ is pronounced more “to the front” of the mouth, so if you can bring that sound forward in your mouth you’ll be very close, if not accurate, to γ. (But don’t bring it too much forward, sometimes it can sound like a “y”, unless you are saying a word where γ sounds like “y”).

Greeks pronounce σ more closely to “sh” than to “s”, so you also might want to keep that in mind since σ often distinguishes the Greek accent in English for me :p

That’s all! If you have more questions or want to tell me anything else about your experience with learning Greek, feel free to send another ask or a DM!

[talkfantasytome]

In Defense of Misogyny?

NOPE!

Before I start, I will not be defending misogyny. There is no defense for misogyny. I'm just a bit of a bitch who couldn't resist a controversial title. *shrug*

I saw a conversation recently about how horrible it is that the fandom loves Eris and is quick to hate Mor. I was going to post my response in a reblog, but I realized that, on top of the post ending up very long, I wasn't fully responding to the conversation at hand. I was sharing my own thoughts that only semi-relate.

If you're interested in that convo, you can find it here.

However, I am not going to directly respond to this, because the conversation made good points. And I very much agree, in theory, that we should not be more forgiving of males than females in general.

Instead, I just want to share my own feelings on why it may not be misogyny to like Eris and dislike Mor, and the main questions to ask to understand that.

First and foremost - I would like to state that we can not and should not hold women to a higher standard than men. In this, I hands down agree.

I will also agree that it absolutely can be sexist/misogynistic to love Eris and hate Mor. However, as someone who, while in the throes of ACOSF, was upset with Mor and still liked Eris (or, enjoyed him? I love Eris, but I'm not always 100% sure I truly love him, or the character and the mystery behind him and my own hopes of who he might actually be), I don't consider myself or my reasons to have been sexist.

Also, I would like to point out that I did not end ACOSF still very upset with Mor. My current feelings are that I hope to see more of her to fall back in love with the character, as I did love her, for the most part, especially in ACOMAF. And I totes ship Mor/Emerie.

That being said, I think we have to take a moment to consider a multitude of factors around why one might currently be more forgiving of Eris than Mor, as well as other pieces, that may or may not show this as true misogyny.

1. Why are we mad at Mor?

Personally, for me, yes, I don't love that Mor hasn't said anything to Az, even in the vein of just telling him it's not going to happen. It's not that she must do this, or that Az deserves that, specifically. It's more that it would be the right thing to do. But, I'm not mad at Mor for this, because I understand why she doesn't. Similarly, there is no male character who I'm solely mad at because they kept a secret.

No, what hurt me the most about Mor - and yes, hurt me is the best way to describe it - was her complete disdain and hatred for Nesta. I am, generally speaking, biased toward Nesta, and I do recognize this. But it doesn't change where I came from. She was horrible to Nesta almost from the get go. Sure, she brought Nesta to the Night Court and then, the next time we see them together, Mor is snapping at Nesta. She basically ignores Nesta when Nesta decides to join them for the High Lord's meeting. She causes Cassian to pull his hand away from Nesta during the war - which, admittedly, was a Cass action I'm still waiting for an explanation on, but it still had to do with her. Cassian was doing that for her, which means that he believed him holding Nesta's hand might hurt Mor or something - why? What is it that makes Mor soooo against this compared to everyone else? It's either a selfish reason - i.e. the buffer thing - or it goes back to her just hating Nesta the most. She then basically yells at Nesta for waiting at Cassian's tent when he's injured - for caring for Cassian. And then, in SF, when we first see her she is insulting Nesta to Cassian, and then straight to Nesta's face.

Perhaps it is all about feeling like Nesta brings her friends pain. Perhaps it is a fear of how Nesta could change the inner circle. But, we are never given Mor's full reasons, and even other POVs don't really give us anything to go off of. So all we see is Mor hating Nesta.

We see Mor hating a woman who has just gone through some serious trauma. Multiple traumas, really. And she probably disliked Nesta even as a human, though again we didn't really see them interact, only Mor being shocked at Cassian's declaration to Nesta. Which can't help but make you wonder if that played any part, too.

So, in the end, what made me the most hurt by Mor's actions toward Nesta, and words about Nesta, was the fact that Mor seemed to not care at all about what Nesta was actually dealing with, she only cared that Nesta was being a bitch.

Mor - who has faced her own horrific traumas, yet can't see it in herself to give someone else who has faced trauma the benefit of the doubt. Mor - who was so kind to Feyre, and very forgiving of Feyre basically ignoring her that first time she was in the Night Court, understanding Feyre's trauma. Mor was holding Nesta to a double standard. Basically, my hurt and anger toward Mor stemmed from the same anger that went into that original post - anger at a double standard toward a female who is suffering from trauma. Because Mor, one who often seemed posed as a defender of woman, a representation of how one can heal and grow from trauma, but how that trauma will still always affect them, couldn't find it in herself to even understand that Nesta was dealing with her own trauma, and what she needed was healing and help. Not insults and being thrown into the Hewn City.

Is it not maybe understandable how it would actually be harder to forgive Mor for showing such a double standard? For showing such little care or sympathy toward someone who has faced her own trauma? How saying that Mor should be loved because she has gone through so much might be almost hypocritical, considering who Mor is showing hatred toward?

I do understand how Nesta could hit closer to home. She sees Nesta to be as bad as the people she was raised with. But, honestly, that doesn't make it better. It just reminds me that Mor is actually often blind to the truth when she doesn't want to believe it or face it. She runs from it, she fights it, and while she is in her right to do so, it is not okay to do so by hurting another person, another woman who has also been through more trauma than Mor even realizes.

I don't find that anger, or upset (which is really more how I felt about Mor) to be a form of misogyny, at least not on its own. Because my feelings for other characters, my interpretations of their actions, may be wholly different, and it's not that I'm holding Mor to a higher standard. It's that I hold certain issues above others, and to me, holding people to a double standard is at the top of the list on what will annoy me about someone else the most.

2. Who else are we mad at? Is it only Mor? Or are there others we are also mad at, and for what reasons?

We should also consider who else a person is mad at, if not Eris, to see are they really holding Mor/women to a higher standard.

Using myself, again - the person I came out of ACOSF the most mad with/upset about was, hands down, Rhys. Not Mor. In fact, by the end of the book, I'd lightened a lot toward Mor, because I did see how Mor was changing and adjusting. She saw Nesta healing, and her attitude toward Nesta shifted. And, to be perfectly honest, I am SERIOUSLY HOPING we will see them have a heart-to-heart, get to know each other, get to understand each other, apologize to each other (especially Mor for how she's treated Nesta, and the things she said to her when Nesta was literally depressed and dealing with PTSD - cause those things weren't okay) and come out the other side, if not as friends, than at least as two females who respect each other. Because I think we all, including Mor and Nesta, need that. But, despite that, we did at least see Mor be better with Nesta. It showed Mor's openness to possibly accepting a new truth about Nesta, which I was happy to see.

Now, back to who are we mad at. Like I said, even if we're considering the middle of ACOSF, when I was fully upset with Mor, my feelings toward her never got to where they still are with Rhys - I don't care about his gifts, until he proves to me he actually cares even a little bit about Nesta as her own person and not as Feyre's sister, I will struggle with him. So, again, can we argue that my feelings were misogynistic if, in the end, my greatest anger was actually toward a man?

On top of that, my anger toward Rhys is far more aligned to what I was feeling about Mor. Because, again, it was about his treatment of a character dealing with trauma. If anything, my double standard is toward Rhys. I don't think it's a double standard, because my expectations of Rhys were higher considering his previous actions, and how he supposedly cared about all of his people. Not because he was a man, but because of what we see from him vs. Mor, particularly in ACOWAR. And, also, you know - Rhys did other things that made me super mad. Mor never threatened Nesta's life, for example.

Conversely, any anger I've have toward Eris (and, I'll admit, there's still a bit), entirely surrounds what he did/didn't do 500 years ago. I'll go into more detail on why I may offer my forgiveness in the next section, but in regards to the anger - I don't see these aligned. My anger toward Rhys and Mor revolve mostly around double standards they seem to have and a lack of understanding or caring for someone who is clearly struggling with trauma. Something that, personally, I think they should both be on the side of truly understanding, considering their own experiences. Eris, on the other hand, it's an anger for leaving Mor to die. I'm not saying that this is a "better" thing to do, it's just that the two angers don't align. I'm not holding Mor to a higher standard, because I do not see the two as the same. Thus, their paths toward forgiveness may look very different, because I will be looking for different things in each of them.

3. What is the person now doing? Have they earned forgiveness?

I'm not saying Eris has earned forgiveness. I'm not saying Mor hasn't. That is up for all of us to interpret.

That being said, what we've seen from Mor does not include any signs of regret for her actions. We do not see her actively trying to make things better between her and Nesta, to understand Nesta, or that she has any sorrow for what she said to her. At best, we see Mor polite to Nesta, and maybe willing to get to know her better. The absolute best interaction was at Solstice, when Mor asked if she might be able to join. As I mentioned, I am hopeful for these two - in part cause my head canon is that they could actually be amazing friends, but that's for another day - and I really loved seeing Mor willing and interested to join in, despite it being with Nesta (and kinda Nesta's thing), as well as seeing Nesta being willing and interested to have Mor join, even if it's just solely for the priestesses. But, that is one interaction and, again, doesn't actually show any repentance from Mor for her own actions against Nesta.

I know some people will say "you mean just that one 'mean' thing Mor said?" - yes. Though it wasn't just that one time, was it? Because there have been multiple times Mor has shown a true disdain for Nesta, while also showing a true indifference to the fact that Nesta was struggling. The other best example of this was when Cassian was hurt in the war, and Nesta was waiting outside his tent, clearly terrified. Mor, also upset, by many things, took it almost entirely out on Nesta. She was either blind to Nesta's feelings for Cassian (doubtful), or she simply didn't care, and instead snapped at her, all while Nesta was probably terrified and fearing the worst in her mind.

The two never talked about this either. And we don't know if Mor regrets those things she's done and said, or even just feels bad, and we also don't have a full understanding of her reasons, or even if there are valid reasons. Because she doesn't talk about it - or, at least, we haven't see her talk about it. I truly hope we will get some answers to all of this. But, right now, we don't even really get hints - we simply assume she must have a reason, because she's Mor and she's great and so she must have a reason we can understand and accept. Still, we don't know, and we don't see her even be held accountable for those actions - admittedly, an issue with most of the Inner Circle and the lack of them being held accountable for how they've treated certain people.

Eris, on the other hand, while what he did was truly horrific, has admitted that he really regrets his actions - or inactions. And he has stated that he had his reasons - reasons that cost him. So we know that he has, in fact, paid for what he's done, at least to some extent. And, more so than that, his current actions seem, to me, to prove this. His constant attempts to ally with the Night Court, to try and do the right thing. Yes, when we saw him at the High Lord's meeting, he was wrong to say what he did to Mor. But we also cannot hold that at full face value and be mad at him for that one thing without remaining mad at Rhys for all he's done while wearing his High Lord of the Night Court mask. Again, that would be a double standard. We can be annoyed by it, but if we forgive Rhys for playing a part, we must also forgive Eris. (This statement, of course, is based on my interpretation that Eris is good at heart, but has made a number of mistakes and is essentially forced to be awful due to his place in life.)

However, despite that one thing, everything else we see from Eris, seems repentant. It is, of course, my interpretation of Eris. But considering all the things he's done, the little threads we get that show us he's not the awful monster we were told he is. He has been working to earn forgiveness, and is doing the right things now - just still often wearing that Autumn Court mask. And, if we're going to forgive Rhys for all the monstrous things he's done, because he has shown himself to be better than that, then it's okay to at least consider forgiving Eris.

So, why is it wrong to be willing to forgive someone for something that he has shown he is seeking forgiveness for? But to maybe not be forgiving another for something that she has not sought forgiveness for? Can we forgive someone for something if they don't realize what they did was wrong? In my opinion, no. Yes, people say that the only person you ever really need forgiveness from is yourself. And I don't fully disagree - I think we do need to forgive ourselves. But, again, only once we understand what we did, how and why it was wrong, and when we want forgiveness. Then we forgive ourselves, and at the least can hope that our actions show that we understand this truth, and others may forgive us even if we don't ask blatantly. In the end, though, we do need to ask for forgiveness. It's just a matter of whether we are vocalizing that request, or showing it in our actions.

Summary

Again, I'm not saying that there aren't times where this is a true double standard. Where people just love Eris and hate Mor, and maybe even blame Mor for what went down with Eris (and, if they do, I will fight them on that because Mor is blameless in that situation - idgaf if she slept with Cassian, I will not blame her for wanting out of that marriage).

I am also not trying to convince anyone that they should love Eris, or that they should dislike Mor - especially seeing as I don't fully dislike Mor, I'm just waiting for the best Mor to come back.

I'm only saying that we really can't make assumptions and say that loving Eris and hating Mor automatically means misogyny. Some things hit closer to home than others - as I mentioned as a possible reason why Nesta is such a struggle for Mor. It could very well be solely about what it is they do and don't forgive each person for. And, personally, I think finding out if a person who is angry with Mor was also angry with Rhys during ACOSF is a much better gauge than comparing Mor and Eris.

I don't believe that Mor owes anyone any explanations. Clearly, my own feelings around Mor have really not revolved around what she may or may not be hiding about Eris. Of course I want to know, I'm a nosy reader. But, if she's hiding something for her friends about that, she has her reasons and I'll accept them so long as they don't end up being, like "well, I just wanted you all to hate Eris forever". But, typically, Mor's reasons have to do with her own trauma and fears, and I accept that. It may, at times, be self-centered - but sometimes don't we all need to be a bit self-centered?

However, I think that we need to truly compare the anger, compare the reasons, to understand why some might like one character and dislike another. It is not feminist to automatically support a woman if she is in the wrong. It is not misogynistic to forgive a man and not a woman for two entirely different situations and reasons. We have to remember that feminism is supporting gender equality in every way - workplace, personal lives, laws, etc. Feminism is not supporting female superiority, which is exactly what happens when you compare two people for things that are not comparable, and then state that you must be more forgiving of the female.

After Thoughts on Mor

I am truly hopeful that we will see Mor and Nesta's relationship grow. And I would like to see more of the Mor we met in ACOMAF, tbh. I have felt, as has been observed by others, that Mor's character and journey has been incredibly chaotic and inconsistent. She was the bomb.com in ACOMAF with how she was with Feyre. Then, in ACOWAR, she was a bit moody, she was mean and harsh toward Nesta (and still has explaining to do on some of this and the Cassian stuff), and she just wasn't really who we met in ACOMAF. I don't really remember much about ACOFAS. But, in ACOSF, again, Mor was different. Except, instead of being just moody and harsh toward Nesta when pushed, now she's completely unforgiving and dismissive of Nesta. And, honestly, that wasn't the Mor I was expecting. I would have expected Mor to be one of the first to maybe realize that Nesta was dealing with trauma. I guess that expectation shouldn't have been held considering ACOWAR, but it was different. I still thought Mor might understand, to an extent - might be at least willing to help Nesta heal, or want to see her healed. Instead, we got someone who said Nesta should just be thrown into the Hewn City - to Cassian's face. So, on top of not giving a damn about Nesta at all (the female that saved Cassian's life, full stop), she also didn't show much caring or understanding of Cassian, one of her best friends. Not until after she saw what a comment like that did to him. And yes, Mor may be just dealing with her own trauma, I understand that. It's why I still have a hard time saying I was truly angry with Mor, but more hurt by/upset with her in ACOSF. Because it may be something deeper that caused her to be this way. Or just her own preoccupation with what's going on in her life. But, in the end, it was still targeted at one person, the one person who probably could handle it the least.

That's my long winded way of saying that I have a lot of hope for Mor's character in the future, and that I don't actually hate her. I just hope that we get to understand her better, understand the reasons she's had for what she's done, but I also hope we see her held accountable (and the rest of the IC).

As always, this is just my own personal opinion, and I accept that others' opinions may be different. I promise to respect yours, all I ask is that you respect mine. I'm not opposed to dissenting arguments, just asking for no attacks. :)

[livingbythewords]

when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ♡

Oh dear, so much positivity in my inbox, I don't even know what to do with it... Thank you so much @raksh-writes, this means the world to me 💜💜💜💔😭

It took me almost a week to answer this ask, because I was wondering if I really should do it. I don't like talking about myself and my positive traits in public, because it always feels like bragging to me. I don't even reblog my own stuff often. But I decided that it might help me in dark moments, and really, how much harm can it do. Anyone who doesn't want to read about my personal stuff can always ignore it, unfollow, block or whatever, right? But there might be someone who would like to get to know me better without asking, so here it is.

1. I am smart. No, I really am. That is one thing I am 100% sure about myself. I had my IQ tested, I won't reveal the exact number here, but it's pretty high. But what's much more important is my life experience, which confirmed that many times. The fact is, I am a very intelligent person who can learn about anything and everything if I commit myself to it. I changed not only jobs, but fields of work at least three times and started from scratch every time.

2. I am a good writer. Again, it may sound like bragging, but when I thought about it, this is a fact to me. I am a good writer and deep in my heart I know it. There are moments when I'm frustrated that I don't have more readers or people don't react to my writing the way I'd like them to, but I know it has nothing to do with my writing abilities and more with other things I don't have control over. I am working very hard on my craft and learning every day, and I know I will be learning until the day I die, and this is how it should be.

3. I have a very optimistic and cheerful nature, despite everything I have been through. I have been through some very difficult things, which left me scarred and traumatized for life, but most people who know me have no idea about it. And it's not false positivity either; it's more like extreme resilience, and refusal to let horrible stuff that happened to me break me.

4. I am highly adaptable. Seriously, put me in any environment and I'll not only survive, but after some time I'll probably thrive, too. I am the definition of Darwin's "survival of the fittest".

5. I am very empathetic and understanding. Maybe it's the writer in me, but I'm a very good listener. I am able to put myself in anybody's shoes, even if only for a short time. Unfortunately, there were, and still are, many people in my life who use it against me.

And that's it. For every one of them I could probably find ten things I don't like about myself, but let's not allow negativity to win ;) I love you @raksh-writes, thank you for this 🥰

[feckin-zicons]

that's why i hate larries, i hate them with all my heart. besides being boring they are hypocrites 🙄

Hey nonnie, sorry its taken me so long to reply but if you’re following me you know I’ve been travelling lately and have been more scatterbrained than usual. Not that I’m ever not scatterbrained, but its been just a little crazier than usual!

Now I wouldn’t go as far to say I hate Larries. After all their delusions can be pretty funny sometimes!

Joking aside, I don’t hate Larries, I love Larries, I’m a Larry, so I really hesitate to tarry the whole group with the same brush. However I do strongly agree with you that there are those who are complete hypocrites. Nothing annoys more more than when Larries ™ treat the other boys, other celebrities, their friends and even family as one more side character to the Larry Show.

In particular when Larries ™ flood comment sections asking or in some cases, ordering people to confirm rumors/the couple being together. The absolute fucking disrespect. Not just because they’re flooding comment sections in videos streams, tweets, what have you, that sometimes have nothing to do with the couple in question, but because its presumptuous and rude as fuck to think they’re owed a coming out- just because they’re fans of the boys.

Stop it. Thats fucking ugly as hell.

While I have no doubt all the boys will one day be out (as referenced by their continued efforts in fighting the closet. I don’t get the sense the boys will just stop at being freed from their contractual obligations). It should and will be on their own terms. Provided they’re not forcibly outed some other way.

Coming out is a deeply personal experience and no one, no one ever, has the right to out someone else. I’ll never not be absolutely furious at the Larries ™ who posted about having ‘receipts’ that would out the boys. Which… tbh weren’t receipts at all but thats a whole other story. I’m also still angry at the reactions after Liams Attitude spread that wouldn’t have been as bad if not for the entitled fandom that peddled ridiculous claims beforehand about Liam confirming Larry to be real.

I mean… What the actual fuck. Setting aside the fandom experience of the time, and boy was it an experience. What right would Liam have confirming Louis and Harry’s relationship? I mean, get some perspective? It doesn’t help that a lot of fandom adults were the ones coming up with, and reblogging those theories and the younger fans ate it up. It would have made more sense for Louis and Harry to do it but idk maybe I’m still out of touch for thinking so. I mean, it felt like every other week someone was talking about Larry coming out. It was such a shit storm oh my god.

Biggest issue I still have with them is that the entitled behaviour hasn’t stopped. For some it seems like, Larry coming out is it for them. Like pack it up, goodbye, shows over, Louis and Harry are gay and in a relationship and everything is rainbows, we get to see cute pictures of them and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah, no. Coming out, for anyone, is just the beginning, can’t even begin to imagine what its like for them. They’re still going to need everyones support, and it irritates me that for some fans it seems so fucking conditional.

Time and time again, I’ve seen tweets, and posts, and videos, whatever, going on about Larry coming out and it reads like a fucking wattpad story. Not just that but its always on the assumption by the poster, on the off chance they consider the other 3/5ths of the band and Ziam being a possibility, that Larry will come out first?

What?

I’m sorry but, what?

Everything I’ve seen from the boys tells me they’re all in this together, they support each other and are working through the bullshit as a team. We have all seen the No Judgement music video yes? The merch, posts, double speak etc referencing each other, yes?

I mean, I suppose if you only look at Louis and Harry, like so many do, sure. Only Larry matters, everyone else is a side character in their life.

(Lemme just, scream for a second).

However, that kind of thinking leads them to the wrong conclusions. Like… assuming the SBB/RBB countdown was attributed to nothing, when it counted down to Liam finally being free of Sophia. In the years since, I’ve seen Larries ™ backtrack on claiming the bears had anything to do with the boys, that they weren’t behind it at all, or that they were just trolling the fandom.

You know, despite all the proof otherwise, and some really, really good posts breaking down clues about what the boys were trying to tell us. The moment something might not actually be about Louis and Harry its like all their thinking shuts off. Its frustrating. Really fucking frustrating.

Seriously, fans of the other boys as individulas, not just Ziams, have been talking about the stunts too and how they fit together. Its why we tend to be right, because we’re considering the entire group. They’re still a group. They’re not free until all of them are free.

Just for that Nialls coming out first. Lmao. I’ll call it now. Lets go Niall, whens the baby coming. We all wanna know. Its been years.

Imagine, imagine! Acting like coming out is some race to be won. The fucking audacity.

Go outside and touch fucking grass you absoulte ninny.

I get it, you want to be vindicated, you want to be rewarded for putting your faith in two celebrities being together.

Newsflash you dandelionfluff, its not a race, Louis and Harry coming out isn’t a fucking prize. Thats not what supporting a relationship looks like.

Its worse when someone admits they don’t know much about Ziam or the possibility of Niall being LGBT+, and claim they’re open to it, but then immediately tweet or reblog or sub tweet or tag comment a post or answer an ask from another Larry ™ talking about how Larries ™ are the most marginalized and persecuted group.

???

In what fucking world?

IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD?

If we wanna play that game, boohoo, the media claims Louis and Harry aren’t friends anymore because of crazy shippers. Meanwhile Zayn publicly isn’t friend with anyone and “left” the band… despite the Ziam fandom calling the stunt about either Louis or Zayn “leaving” and getting it down to the exact week (the second article coming out a week before about the Ziam kiss pretty much cemented it for Zayn leaving. Which did a lot to fan the flames of the already rabid fanbase when Ziam got two articles confirming a Ziam kiss over the years and Larry got nada. Like that actually means anything).

Not to mention Larries ™ using the hetties and management tactics against the other parts of the fandom to silence them.

Who cares what the media says anyway!  TPTB, 1DHQ, The Sun, The Mirror, Simon and his minions and their unpaid interns have used the media to split the fandom apart and it worked.

Who the fuck cares if the media calls the 1D stans delusional, you know the truth! The truth it out there and you’ve seen it! The truth is coming! Who gives a damn about what some two bit “journo” who failed out of their creative writing course writes? They get worse by the year. If it wasn’t so pathetic and hilarious I might actually feel embarrassed for them. They can’t even come up with new stories and have just taken to copying old articles, but you’re upset with them??? Give it a rest. Honestly.

The sense of disconnect, entitlement and victimhood of some Larries ™ is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh my god they’re Karens. I’m not trying to be insulting, but thats exactly who they remind me of.

I’m not going to say its a surprise to me that so many in the Ziam fandom are POC, LGBT+, and Neurodivergent and any combination of those, but I am going to say I’ve read a lot of Larry fics that just have Het sex made gay. Those in the Ziam fandom just tend to look at facts in a different way than Larries do due to their life experiences. A interfaith, interracial, relationship where one or both partners fall under the Bi umbrella (not saying Louis or Harry can’t be or aren’t Bi+ but rumors, and the way the fandom markets them, puts them firmly in the gay category) looks very, very different than gay or straight relationship. Both looking from outside and being in one. There’s just different dynamics at play that aren’t often realized or understood by the gays and hets.

Its not a bad thing. All relationships are different. The issue is that theres a lot of biphobia/racism/religious prejudice etc that arises from people being unwilling to understand the inherent differences.

Taking myself for example, I’m bi, like, bi as hell, and I don’t understand how gays and hets only like one gender. I just don’t. Can’t wrap my head around it. If someone asks me to choose one gender over the others to prefer I can’t. Its so stressful. My brain goes into panic mode and it feels like I’m being torn apart. My sense of identity is shaken- its a shit feeling. I just can’t lie to myself like that. If other people feel the same well, its no wonder bi+ have such high rates of depression and suicide. Its not about choosing who to like, there is no choice, I just feel attraction to everyone. Aces, I get. Its similar to being the opposite of what I feel, or not feeling an attraction to someone I’m not interested in. Easy. Gays and hets? I’m completely lost on.

Completely, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try and understand where they’re coming from. Its alien to me, personally, but I’m not going to shut down the fact, that theres a fuck ton of people who only like one gender or try and make up reasons as to why they’re actually bi+

I digress, none of the boys fall neatly into the gay stereotypes, its just that parts of the Larry fandom have boxed Louis and Harry into certain roles to fit preconceived notions (likely do to them initially fitting in better with the white, sassy, somewhat effeminate twink thats been plastered all over Hollywood as their “LGBT+ representation” for years. Gag), they can understand better, and only look for proof to back up their theories but don’t look at things objectively.

They really need to get out more and make some LGBT+ friends that aren’t on the internet and talk to some gay elders. They need educating that’s not the often sanitized and insulting Hollywood version, that’s all I’m saying.

They made Louis and Harry more palatable for themselves and its… really gross.

I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Some Larries ™ turned the boys into their fandom and fanfiction stereotypes when they’re so much more than that. The Sony leaks should have been enough to dissuade the fandom, and prove that the brand sold to the broader audience is just that- a brand, and yet… Niall only talks about food and golf and Ireland and is only allowed to be straight or ace. If he exists at all its just to be Capt Niall. Liams slow and dumb and depending on the day he’s either Capt Liam or a horrific abusive homophobe. Zayns just The Worst, a unstable drug addict, and the boys hate each other, and they should have kicked him out of the band sooner because he never wanted to be part of them anyway, etc.

It drives me absolutely around the bend some days. They’re real people who don’t owe anyone anything, especially not coming out.

Yes, I think they will. But they’re not obligated to. They can change their minds, I’ll support them regardless of an “official” coming out or not.

Look, a part of me gets it. They wanna be right, they wanna prove the haters wrong, they want to be able to say I called it all along! The vindication will be sweet.

But like, it takes a quick look at someone other than Louis and Harry to realize theres something hinky going on with Liam, Zayn and Niall. Please listen to their fans who have spent just as much time as you have looking into Louis and Harry compiling together evidence.

It might take a weekend to watch the ILYSM and pterodactyl bros videos and a few more hours looking into some Niall blogs, which isn’t much compared to the hours I know they’ve spent looking into Larry. At least then they’ll have enough information to form an opinion on things.

I wonder, for some, what would happen if Larry didn’t come out, or didn’t come out first, or one of the other boys was outed against their will. Because… I don’t know. It seems like some would rather just be proven right at this point.

I get it. We’re tired. Its been eleven long years. But this isn’t a television show were everything can come to a head with a s3 or s4 cliff hanger and fixed in the series finale. Its real life, and they started off as boys trusting industry veterans who never had their best interests at heart.

Iduno. I just want some Larries ™ to take a step out of the echo chamber, realize life isn’t The Larry Show & co. And especially. ESPECIALLY, that every instance were someone, friends, family, co-works, industry peeps etc support the boys they are SUPPORTING THE BOYS, NOT THE FANDOM. They are not “confirming Larry for the fans” they’re doing it to support the couple, not to cater to the fandom. Please stop confusing the two. There’s a huge fucking difference. Learn it.

[mulderscully]

✨ Blog Tag Game ✨ thanks for the tag bb, @chloexdecker💖

1. Why did you choose your url? i am that very witch. no, but seriously i have watched lucifer since day one and i love it sm and wanted as close to a canon url as i could get so here we are.

2. Any side blogs? yes lol. i own @deckerstardaily and @jafaelgifs. i am an admin on @lucifergifs, my poetry and other stuff blog @adalimon. also a member of @tgpgifs. i have a couple more that aren’t too active lol i’m trying to stop making sideblogs unless i really feel like it’s necessary for the content

3. How long have you been on tumblr? since 2011 :\

4. Do you have a queue tag? yes. #q lmfao

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? i made it for some delena event when i was in the tvd fandom

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? i’ve got these horror marrieds on my mind

7. Why did you choose your header? bc i love deckerstar and the color matches my new icon but rn as i type the gif won’t move and idk why

8. What’s your post with the most notes? prob something doctor who related from the dawn of time lol i remember i had one gifset w/ like 120k notes

9. How many mutuals do you have? i have never counted that?

10. How many followers do you have? 20.1k

11. How many people do you follow? 548

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? of course!! that’s our language on here.

13. How often do you use tumblr everyday? everyday, almost all day lol i’m unemployed

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? yes i haveeeeee

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? i hate them bc i don’t come on here to be guilt tripped and lots of times misinfo spread w/ those posts ngl

16. Do you like tag games? sure, i just feel bad if i miss them!!

17. Do you like ask games? i do but they make me anxious for some reason

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? tumblr famous is a myth. i have some super talented mutuals who run some v important source blogs but i don’t think there is fame on this site lmfao

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? nope!

tagging, @yoursummerfrost, @tarysande, @rupert-giles, @lucymorans, @maxfenig, @lightbrng, @variantslokis, @softiescully, @verafarmiga, @inejsghafaa, @blairwitchz, @samcaarter, and anyone who wants to! feel free to ignore for whatever reason :)

[blindrapture]

I posted 457 times in 2021

131 posts created (29%)

326 posts reblogged (71%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.5 posts.

I added 92 tags in 2021

#my music - 33 posts

#sunsetters - 24 posts

#youtube - 11 posts

#throwback frihorse - 8 posts

#sonic music - 3 posts

#our music - 3 posts

#midi music - 3 posts

#:3 - 3 posts

#me - 2 posts

#between the buried and me - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i often listen to heavy metal thinking to myself in detail 'what would dante think of this music' or 'what would.. i dunno. pericles think'

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

(”A Decade,” a post for the blog What is the Fear Mythos?)

Today is February 14th, 2021. Today is the birthday of our mythos's primary founder, CuteWithoutThe. On Cute's sixteenth birthday, they began organizing the Fear Mythos, getting into contact with the other two founders, alliterator and LizardBite, and planning some of the first stories. Because of this, it is tradition to consider the anniversary of the Fear Mythos to "begin" on February 14th.

Two weeks later, on the last day of the month, Cute posted a thread on TVTropes officially laying out the plans and inviting participation. While by this point we still were not even called "the Fear Mythos," it is tradition to consider the anniversary of our mythos to "end" on February 28th.

Again, today is February 14th, 2021. Cute's sixteenth birthday was ten years ago.

The Fear Mythos is turning ten years old.

Now, in practice, this might not mean much out of the ordinary. Members of the community generally collaborate for the "Fearniversary" in writing an anniversary tournament blog, and this year that is definitely a thing, this is a nice celebration. Getting to an anniversary at all is a cause worth celebrating.

But ten years, wow. There probably is a lot that can be said, in a sentimental sense. Our mythos has seen a lot of blogs over these ten years. We've seen some vlogs too. And we've even seen some games and musical outputs. There have been physical books, podcasts, communities on various websites; there have been busy years, quiet years, and years in between. People have come and gone, the popular monsters to be used in our stories have changed back and forth, and.. well, ten years have passed and yet this mythos does not die.

I have to acknowledge that not one of our three founders has been active in the mythos for some time. I, DJay, am the "oldest" member still sticking around, and even then I'm not that active, not even in my own stories. For some, this is an appeal of our community: It's quiet, a place to read stories and throw ideas around. I did oversee an overhaul several years ago with the express purpose of "futureproofing" our central concepts, the hope being that, no matter how quiet our community became, the ideas would stick around. For better or for worse, the quiet is something for which we were prepared.

I bring this up because something about a "tenth anniversary" feels like the sort of Big Deal that may bring about a change in activity. It's probably the significance inherent in a double-digit number. That's a very human thing. (Like, seriously, very human. The number 10 is only significant to us because we operate under base-10 assumptions, and those are predicated on the number of fingers we have. But I don't need to tell you any of this, not on the surface of what this post is about.) A group that has persisted for a decade has relative age, and age is associated with experience, experience with knowledge, knowledge with a social fertility that "could go Big with just the right input." All of which is to say: Ten is a very different age for a single human than it is for a group of fiction writers.

We have been quiet. Next, we might try something else. That's a scary idea in and of itself, isn't it? A good creepy story: The Day The Mythos Went Big.

I'm playing around, here. The Fearniversary is a communal event, like a damn two-week festival; this is the most appropriate time to dress ourselves up in masks and pretend to be what we haven't yet been, to turn our thoughts to the stars and dream big, to hit upon emotional changes which take us resolutely into the new year renewed and ready for what it may bring.

The Fear Mythos, you see, is yours. Our monsters, the Fears, are legally considered "Creative Commons Attribution," meaning you can do whatever you want with them so long as there's even an implicit acknowledgement of the greater mythos's existence. This is worth spelling out, even to veterans, because it's a strength that's easy to overlook. We can't always guarantee you an immediate active audience, but we can promise you this: Place. You and your creations have a place here, here where not even a decade has erased us, here where the future can still grow, here at the online intersection between fiction and reality. You are free to take our creations as a model to build your world, experiment, see what becomes.

I know. I'm wordy, and if I have any points I'm trying to make they don't consistently come across. Yet still, this mythos has given me place as well. When I've had nobody else, this mythos has been there for me for ten years. Without it, I wouldn't have published two books, written three rock albums, made dozens of surprisingly close online friends, and been exposed to media that has in tangible ways changed my life. I'm maybe a little too close to this mythos to make a proper grand statement in overview, which would be more appropriate for this celebratory post, but I can speak emotive, I can light a signal to confirm to the world that we're still going. To a degree, I can speak both to and for our community in saying: We have known activity, and we have known rest, and somehow out of the ambiguous murk in between the two we have found our Voice persists.

Those of you who are only now finding us, you've got so much to see. Those of you who are sticking around, you're in for a treat.

Another thing I'm doing here is clumsily segueing into another subject: seven years ago, on our third Fearniversary, LizardBite privately proposed setting up a semi-"official" ARG in celebration. (You know the kind: Codes hidden across the web that, when solved, lead down rabbit holes to even more codes, accompanied by some sort of story.) alliterator and I took up the suggestion and spent some time planning behind the scenes. I sought out the consultation of CuteWithoutThe, as well as mythos veterans The Visitor, Omega, and Squeek, in order to work out a setting of lore and game mechanics which would be both ethically appropriate and compelling. This proved fruitful, and when we launched the ARG our players uncovered novellas, audio logs, myths, and art (contributed by the likes of The Visitor, Logic, Wiratomkinder, and alliterator). The subforum on which their efforts were contained still exists, though you may need an account to see it. The ARG went on hiatus two years later, and it has been dormant ever since.

Those who currently frequent the discord community may know that I have been digging the old plans back up, that I intend on bringing the ARG back. It was my intent to bring it back in time for this Fearniversary. I, uh, may still be able to do so in time for the 28th of February, but I am not going to push it, as the content I have under works demands rigorous iteration and testing. I bring this up in this post because it is, by its nature, relevant to celebrations of our mythos, and this news is relevant to this Fearniversary in particular.

So. To conclude.

Happy Fearniversary 2021! We're celebrating a decade of the Fear Mythos!

and

As soon as it is ready, you will know: Nine is God is coming back. New players will be welcome.

10 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 19:36:30 GMT

#4

Summer Sucks is all about the tarantella. What’s the tarantella? Well, some clown went and made the catchiest song alive, turning music into a bioweapon. Now anyone who hears this song has it stuck in their head, forcing them to dance endlessly until their body keels over and dies.

During song 3 of the album, “Found the Fountain of Mab,” we hear a representation of this tarantella. Lindsay had written an instance of the album’s main arpeggio that had a moody twist to a minor key, and I spent Literally Years teaching myself music theory through taking that arpeggio and turning it into... well, this.

And now, you come to me on this, the day of my 26th birthday, to ask me a favour: “Can I hear the tarantella standalone, outside of the 15-minute original song?” And I grant you this favour, throwing in a little tilly.

Because I don’t know how birthdays work.

Musicae vivit.

Diaphanous movement-- dance Vessel for the higher impulse Adiaphanous forever When, how? Prenativity When, how? Postmortemity

14 notes • Posted 2021-01-02 08:44:50 GMT

#3

Lindsay, my Sunsetters songwriting cohort, is involved in other really cool musical projects! Here’s a short little album she’s on, she plays bass and writes moody lyrics!

14 notes • Posted 2021-03-24 18:39:53 GMT

#2

See the full post

18 notes • Posted 2021-08-02 05:00:26 GMT

#1

I have been writing this month. Kinda at the manic end of solitude. Like “lonely” but with an edge, you know how you can be so tired you can’t sleep? Well I’m so lonely I can’t in all good conscience have company. I think feeling this as a kid is what drove me to make art in the first place. So we’ve come full circle. I’ve reinvented a sort of wheel.

Speaking of, the first album by fictional band Coestts will be named Reinventing the Wheel, and I’ve got like 45 minutes of content written for it already. Just wanted to share.

I also just wanted to share this song. Title might not be final, though honestly I dig it. I worked hard on this song. Every note was placed with such care, and I’m combining various skills I’ve learned in songwriting up to now.

I’m lonely. Please give my art some attention. Let this song take you on a trip.

29 notes • Posted 2021-03-23 01:44:25 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[dreamautonomy]

Thank you, thank you for the tag @fanarain. I took my time with this. I swear, I got to find a tag game to share with my followers and those I follow. @dreamautonomy needs more love and activity. 😭

I will answer questions about @dreamautonomy (my main that’s not officially a main) and @defectiveconantoy (my more popular Tumblr).

1. Why did you choose your url? I came up with the name Dream Autonomy waaaaay back in 2008. At the time, I was inspired by Kazimierz Dąbrowski's theory of positive disintegration (TPD), where he explained that one must go through anxiety and psychological tension to achieve autonomy and true individuality. In my teens, I dreamt of independence and autonomy, to live on my own terms and break away from society’s rat race. I still do to this day.

For my DCMK stuff, I’ve considered the name Conanology, but someone on Twitter took it. I wanted something witty. Then, I stumbled upon that Reddit post with the counterfeit Conan and Ayumi action figures. They looked so ridiculous and badly made it’s almost a joke. The thread’s first comment: perfect as a funny username. Unfortunately, defectiveconan was already taken here, so I settled with defectiveconantoy (also nicknamed by me as DFCT - DeFective Conan Toy) instead.

2. Any side blogs? @relaxwithanime because there’s a lot of relaxing anime, and I want to showcase relaxing anime scenes. @sillydogpictures, which has no posts. I wanted to show pictures of dogs with intentionally or unintentionally silly faces. 🐶

3. How long have you been on tumblr? It’s complicated! I began lurking back in 2010 or 2011 but didn’t create an account until 2014 with the original dreamautonomy, now the defunct @olddreamautonomy. I never used it until mid or late 2020.

I made @defectiveconantoy back in October 2020 because I considered participating in the DCMK Secret Santa event. I eventually decided not to, as I was busy with school and coping with the pandemic. I didn’t need more deadlines then.

4. Do you have a queue tag? Nope! I should make one once I learn how.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? I planned to use @dreamautonomy as a creative blog for posting photography, graphic design, food and travel stuff, motivational stuff, and more. Never happened!

DFCT was made for Detective Conan and Magic Kaito fandom stuff, nothing else.

Stupid me made @defectiveconantoy a completely separate account, even after realizing minutes later that I could have made it a side blog. Oh well! I mostly use Tumblr for fandom stuff nowadays, so I deleted my old Dream account and made a new account as a side blog under @defectiveconantoy. Now, I no longer have to use different apps and browsers for both blogs. Life is good!

6 . Why did you choose your icon/pfp? For Dream, I chose Retsuko from Aggretsuko. That scene wonderfully represents the agony of one’s twenties: working miserable jobs, not being taken seriously, and wishing life was more fulfilling than the average adult life. There she is being “one of us” on a Sunday by lying in bed and scratching her butt. 😂

And for DFCT, how could I not post action Conan from The Fist of Blue Sapphire with the counterfeit action figure’s head replacing the original Conan’s head? 🤣

7. Why did you choose your header? For Dream, because Retsuko’s bouncing her little tail off. For DFCT, because Ran is precious in that scene, all soft and shy.

8. What's your post with the most notes? @defectiveconantoy’s set of GIFs from the Ferris Wheel scene in the Episode ONE special. And that’s my original post. I’ve reblogged even more popular stuff by others.

9. How many mutuals do you have? About a dozen.

10. How many followers do you have? @dreamautonomy: 9 (Most are p*rn bots I’ve reported for spam and blocked. Have no idea WTF I did to attract them.). @defectiveconantoy: 175!! 😁

11. How many people do you follow? 72!

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? I don’t know. I think I only post relevant memes.

Here am I typing this after spending years confusing shitposts with really funny, sometimes offensive memes. I’m still confused about the meaning of a shitpost. I’m not very trend or meme savvy.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day? About 10-20 times a day, usually through my phone app.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? Over ten years ago on websites that Tumblr, Twitter, etc. long replaced in popularity. Even then, I’ve usually been a lurker for most of my life and rarely engaged in arguments or debates. Whenever I did, I regret it to this day. I looked stupid (everyone did, actually). What a waste of time!

I wish I hadn’t forgotten about Detective Conan back in 2004. The DCMK Tumblr fandom is chill and AWESOME! I wonder what the fandom was like back in the 2000s.

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts? Ehh…it depends. If it’s something most or everyone agrees with, I might reblog it. I don’t know about you, but such posts often bring the rebel in me. If you say, “REBLOG IT,” I say, “Ehh! Nope.” 😋 Anyway, life is short. I’d rather stick to fandom and humor, things that unite people and make them smile.

16. Do you like tag games? Of course! That’s how I get to know everyone. I should initiate tag games and tag all of you.

17. Do you like ask games? YES! I should start ask games as well.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is [tumblr] famous? We interrupt this program to give mad props to that nicely formatted Tumblr logo-fied text. 👌

Aaaanyway, I won’t name names. Some are Tumblr famous for different reasons, and that’s what matters. We all contribute different things while being under the same main fandom, ships, arcs, and adaptations aside.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? No! Why ruin this nice little Tumblr space for drama? It’s not worth having a crush on people you’ve never met face-to-face imo. I’m not repeating my teenage mistakes.

20. Tags: anyone happy to participate! 😁

[skullrock]

okay <3 saying this w love as a human being:

1. please stop reblogging my personal posts even if they are relatable and even if i use a meme. please stop reblogging my mental breakdowns. no one needs to see that. no one needs to see them when they are posted - let alone when they are reblogged! if you feel the same way that i do some nights - i’m super sorry you aren’t feeling well and please make your own post abt it. please stop reblogging mine. it’s weird and impersonal and i don’t feel supported i feel like a spectacle or a “lol so relatable” entity and i’m not. i’m a human being who uses this blog as a diary way too often bc i’m miserable

2. i am once again a real person on the other end of this blog. please stop sending me weird and unsolicited asks. it’s one thing if you have a steve headcanon - that’s cool and on topic! or if i specifically ask for stuff! st things and twin peaks things are on topic and encouraged! but i’m a real person and it is so exhausting to get asks about things super off topic or unsolicited and sometimes i have people being very personal with me and i’m not comfortable with that! i want to be there for folks but it can be triggering and, again, exhausting when people come to me at random and tell me really upsetting things.

3. there needs to be a distinction - most of the time the person you are talking to is a blog you follow, not a personal friend. while i have fun talking to you all - i really do! - my asks or dms are not the place to talk to me about distressing things and/or just like ... weird things. i’m a person! i want to be nice and interact with everyone but it’s seriously been so exhausting to get some of these asks and dms. sometimes i wake up to 10 asks that have nothing to do with anything and it’s just draining. i’m not google and i’m not a therapist. i cannot even handle my own issues let alone others. i know it can be difficult to talk to folks you love in real life but it’s much healthier and productive to speak to people you know personally than a stranger on the internet.

4. i am a stranger on the internet! please don’t tell me super personal info unless we are close and we are both in the headspace!

5. i don’t know when i will be writing again. i know most of you follow me for my writing and i’m insanely and eternally grateful for that!! your support means everything to me. i’m just in a depression and i’ve been so busy with school that it’s been hard for me to write. i promise i will! no need to ask every week when i’ll write (xyz)!

i will be shutting asks off for a little bit just to clear my head and redirect some of my energy. i don’t mean this is any offensive way! truly i’m trying to take care of myself and as you can see i have been sitting with these thoughts for way too long <3 i hope everyone is having a good week. peach on earth