#ambie's tips

[rosenfey]

Hello!

I am in awe of your edits and gifs !!! :0

I wanted to try making my own, but I have no idea where to start tbh - do you have any pointers or advice for a good tutorial? Or what programs you use?

I am especially interested in making gifs for bg3, aha.

Hi there, first of all thank you so much! I'd be happy to help, so I made a little tutorial that basically depicts my process. Full disclosure, this is the way I make gifs, so it may differ from how other creators make them. :3 I use Photoshop CC 2018, but the process should be similar in different versions as well.

Things to keep in mind:

gif sizes: when making gifs you should make sure their size is no larger than 10 MB (as of currently), since otherwise tumblr will not be able to post them. the best way to lower gif size is to lower the amount of included frames. you can simply delete them in the Timeline window.

gif dimensions: to avoid tumblr resizing your gifs and turning them into a blurry mess, keep their width 540px when posted one above other, or 268px if you want to post two gifs side by side. the height doesn't matter as long as you keep the width as mentioned above

psds and recolors: I use extensive recoloring on my gifs which includes filters like color balance, selective color, gradient fill, hue/saturation, curves and more. many creators offer their own psds as a free download so you can use them for your gifs but these will usually require some manual adjustments as your giffed scenes could have a different lighting situation going on. this tutorial is focused more on the actual "making" of a gif, but I would be happy to make another one that would be more about the actual coloring I make :3

With that being said, let's go! Read on for the full tutorial.

First, you need to know how to actually make a gif. For recording purposes, I use the GeForce experience app since I have an Nvidia GPU, but there are many other programs online that you can use to record footage of your games. Basically, we want to make a short video that we will then turn into a gif in PS.

Once you have a suitable footage, open up PS and go to File → Import → Video Frames to Layers...

You will see a window like this. It's possible your recorded footage would be longer than the accepted file size of a gif, so you should choose which parts of the video you want to include (you can see them as two little arrows under my video here). Once everything is in order, hit OK.

Now it's time to resize the gif, I usually use 540x250 for my scenery gifsets, but as I said, it's the width that matters. Since I am planning to post this gif on its own, I chose 540.

Now it's editing time for me, but you can choose to do this after you sharpen the gif, which will be depicted later. I love pastel pink colors so I used selective color / color balance here to make it more pink, and several levels / curves layers to up the brightness more and make it look more pastel and "washed out", but this all comes down to personal preference naturally!

Sharpening a gif is optional, but it makes it look much more crisp, so I highly recommend it! First, you want to go to your Timeline (if missing, you can re-enable it through Window → Timeline), click the menu icon, and Select all Frames. Now we need to do the same for our layers (you can do this by selecting the first layer, holding shift down and clicking the very last layer).

After you have both your Layers and Frames selected, go back to Timeline, click the menu button again and choose Conver to Video Timeline.

Now go to Filters → Convert to Smart Filters. You can ignore the pop-up message or choose to click the prompt to never display it again. After that go back to Filter → Sharpen → Smart Sharpen.

You can see the settings I use here. Hit OK and ur done!

Now we want to save the gif. Go to Export → Save for Web (Legacy). In earlier versions of PS it might be simply listed as Save for Web. It may take the gif a few seconds to load, depending on the size. In the pop-up window, make sure your looping options are set to Forever.

And with that you are done! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me. :3

Unsharpened version:

And sharpened:

[skelly-bean]

I love the character I’ve made for baldurs gate 3 SO. MUCH!

I feel like there is so much going on with them visually but I don’t even care they’re amazing

I also love the guardian I made a lot too - definitely put way less time into making her but I was so tired of overthinking in character creation haha

[rhas-writes]

Intelligent Encounters - Il Dottore x Reader

Possible Spoilers! for 3.0 Ardravi Valley - Zandik's Legacy

Warning! Dottore and his disregard for human life

| Content? Fluff, hurt/comfort, reverse hurt/comfort, slight angst. | Format? A long drabble? I never know how to categorize these. | Pronouns? You/Your. | Relationship? Up to you. |

Context: Fallen Archon Reader - Tldr; Reader is very smart and has seen lots of Teyvat's history but has forgotten most of it.

Context: Assumes Dottore is Zandik (link to fandom wiki on his character summary).

---

Young!Dottore who crumples paper after paper, ruby eyes narrowing at the walls as he curses the Sages for their insolence.

Rejecting his thesis purely on the notion of it being longer than a thousand words is absurd. How is he supposed to put a cap on such genius?

In the midst of spouting ruthless threats to the Grand Sage for enforcing such a ridiculous rule, precise knocks sound from his door. He grimaces opening it, far too many insults readied on the tip of tongue. However, he clams up a little at the senior greeting him from the other side.

"Sharnama."

The older man politely nods in greeting, eyes far too tired to be open at this hour of night.

"Wh-"

"The Group of Daeva. You have heard of them, yes?"

The young scholar nods with pinched brows. The Group of Daeva is a supposed group of scholars that anonymously submit research to the Sages. But they're only an urban legend, so why bring them up?

"I am in contact with a few of their members and passed along your recent thesis proposal."

Before Dottore could spew his thoughts on carelessly sharing his work, the worn out man holds out a rolled parchment.

"There has yet to be a Daeva paper rejected by the Sages. I suggest you accept their revisions."

Sharnama leaves Dottore without another word, simultaneously solving the scholar's problem while creating a dozen more.

-

It takes Young!Dottore an obscene amount of time to track down his mentor's contact.

First it was Sharnama refusing to share any confirmed information about the Group of Daeva. Then it was finding and meeting many scholars who claim to be part of the group but after one conversation it's clear they do not have such academic prowess. Then it was getting railroaded by his teachers because they thought "he wasn't spending enough time on his research." The list goes on.

But he's finally managed to secure a line of communication with the group. Best of all, he's meeting one of their members tonight.

Young!Dottore who waits bouncing on the balls of his feet in anticipation. Oh the amount of questions he has for this unprepared individual. How many of you are there? Why publish anonymously? How do you publish anonymously while wearing an Akasha Terminal? Why do the Sages allow the group to exist?

His whirling thoughts come to a halt as a shadow falls across his shoes. A traveler, one that couldn't be any older than him - perhaps a few years younger, meets his imploring gaze.

-

Young!Dottore who perks up as his name falls from your lips. The unfamiliar cluster of butterflies he's slowly becoming accustomed to bristles at your fleeting touches. Research no longer takes up all of his mind for it has made room for you.

If someone had told him he'd experience such feelings he'd think them madder than himself. He's only ever felt something while pursuing knowledge.

His ecstatic cheers and grins were reserved for breakthroughs in his research. They aren't shared over other accomplishments or with other people. His ceaseless thoughts were filled with what ifs and what could be. They don't wander aimlessly about your likes and dislikes. He's soon to complete his first thesis paper, his feelings should be trivial compared to such an achievement.

Yet...they're not.

You're not.

-

Young!Dottore who you know as the slightly off the rails scholar Zandik. He is unique in every sense of the word. His crazed and often blasphemous spewings push people away but you can't help but be drawn in.

Like a moth to a flame, his ambition shines bright. His intellect is sharper than his piercing scarlet gaze. In all your recollection, you have never met someone quite like him.

There is an immediate bond when you first meet, one only made between like minds. A bond you haven't had since the betrayal that cost your life as an archon. But even then, Zandik understands you. He gets you in a way no other being has.

When you accidentally fall into a long tangent criticizing a Vahumana article on the many evildoings of the Scarlet King based on recently discovered ruins, Zandik doesn't listen just to placate your feelings, he listens because he sees you're making a valid point. He builds off your argument, poking and prodding at possible holes and the two of you spend the night debating the authenticity of scholarly conclusions on past civilizations.

Something dark and sinister brews within Zandik. He's swift to reel in its rare occurrence, but you know it's there. Even before meeting him, you knew it was there. His rejected thesis easily gave it away. He cares little for anything outside of himself. Everything is just a means to and end for his research. He desires only the answers to his endless questions.

But who are you to chastise him? After all, don't you desire the same?

-

Young!Dottore who bares all of himself to you in the light of the rising sun. It comes after weeks of not seeing him and days of him not sleeping.

He barges into your quaint abode, almost receiving a knife to the chest if not for his familiar ramblings. Ah, that's right. You had given him a key - should he need anything, he can find help in you.

He drags you through the forest by the wrist, hushing any protest from you with an excited grin. It's an easy but out of the way path, one that he's walked a countless number of times.

It's at a disguised entrance at the end of a shallow cave where he stops. Caught in the rush of finally overcoming his most difficult project yet, he didn't think about what he was doing. Not once did he question why he was running to find you. The want. The need. To show you his success was a far too natural instinct for him to ignore.

For the first time in his life, Zandik feels the crippling pressure of fear root him to the ground. What if you report him to the Sages for this? What if this goes beyond your morals? What if you want nothing to do with him after this?

Darkness creeps to the edges of his vision, thoughts tunneling in a way they've never done before. He doesn't want to lose you. He can't lose you.

"-ik? Zandik?"

Your free hand clasps around his while the other stays in his tight grip.

"Zandik, you look awful. Is this where you've been? You need to take better care of yourself, at least the bare minimum."

Anyone else's voice would have been nails on a chalk board. But yours is an exception. Perhaps that's what it's always been. You as the exception. The uncontrollable variable.

Wordlessly his fingers intertwine with yours and he leads you to his biggest secret.

A barely lit cave with only the bare minimum to call it a lab. Papers and chalk boards haphazardly strewn about. The odd combination of damp soil and artificial cleaner wrinkles your nose. But at the center of it all is a child scribbling with crayons.

The matching hues of blue hair, pale skin, and scarlet eyes is unmistakable. You've heard Zandik complain about how he wishes there were more of him, how he could get so much more done. But it was never more than that.

"Is this...what I think it is?"

His hand grips yours, afraid that you'll run.

"This is just the beginning. The replication of human beings is a mere stepping stone to what I truly think is possible."

He turns to you, eyes burning into yours with fervor.

"Think about it, the sanctity of the gods because they hold some great power is foolish. Humans are adaptable. They can have endless potential given the right circumstances. I believe one can become a god, perhaps even greater than. And I know I will achieve this in the future, today is proof of that."

You can feel the rapid thrums of his heartbeat, the blood rushing through his veins. You can feel the determination in every word he speaks. It's familiar. It's exhilarating. It's ambition.

Pure uninhibited ambition radiates from him in tidal waves. It cradles you with blazing flames that sears your skin. The sensation was once forgotten but it reaches your chest and blooms the memories from long ago.

Home. Everything in this moment reminds you of the home you built upon the cruelest lands the earth had to offer.

His skin is cool to the touch as you cup his face.

"Then do it. If this is your goal, reach it."

-

It's been a few months since he's shown you his true self and Young!Dottore could not be happier about the outcome.

He didn't think it was possible to grow so close to a person, to need someone so desperately. He works so much better with you around - he has a chart on it and everything. His efficiency, productivity, everything goes up when he's with you.

Life is smooth sailing for him. His experiments are progressing accordingly. He's on the last parts of his second thesis and he's sure it will pass the academic review. Even his body is in reasonable health, thanks to your constant reminders.

Oh, but how quickly the winds change and the tides turn.

It's in his little slice of heaven that your hell appears.

-

Young!Dottore who plans a stargazing picnic and comes prepared to debate its celestial existence. Truth be told, he's noticed you've been a little off lately and hopes this will prove a helpful distraction.

Dinner is unusually quiet as Zandik tries to fill the empty space for two. You're distant and hardly touch the food.

"What's wrong with you?"

The words themselves seem harsh but his tone is soft and laced with concern. He's never been good or decent with emotions but he's trying.

"I-"

A somber torrent of conflict fills your eyes as your mouth opens and closes. Zandik waits with bated breath, his hand reaching yours, imploring you to continue.

"It was tonight."

Every instinct of self-preservation tells you to stop. Celestia erased your existence. Even the Irminsul has forgotten you. But you can't. You can't keep it in anymore. A hundred years of masquerading, of secrecy, of acting ignorant and trying to find so many answers.

It's all too much. And finally, finally, there's someone who has understood everything else about you. So maybe, just maybe, he'll believe what you have to say.

"They killed me this very night."

Layers upon layers of walls come tumbling down as you spill your true identity. Zandik listens intently, his arms holding your shaking body.

Everything you say should be music to his ears. Once you regain all your memories, you'll be an endless pool of knowledge - one far easier to deal with than the Akasha System. Archaic relics, automatons, long lost languages, surely you must hold even the thinnest sliver of information on them. Beyond all this, you're a perfect specimen to dissect.

And yet.

The thought of slicing your flesh raises bile in his throat. He feels an anger with cruel intensity course through his veins. His ice cold heart squeezes as your tears coat soak past his shirt. He couldn't care less about people's feelings but seeing your pain awakens an unruly beast in him.

Zandik pulls you impossibly closer, teeth gritting against each other. His breath is hot against your neck as he speaks so lowly you're not sure you were supposed to hear it.

"Those cretin had no forethought in disposing of such an intelligent and exquisite creature. Together, we will find every answer we seek. No knowledge shall be out of our grasps."

-

If only either of you knew what the words each of you spoke would lead to.

---

Requests? Critiques? Share your thoughts!

Published: 09 October 2022

[cobaltstarlight]

It finally happened! I decided to participate in ArtFight this year

With that said, I'm gonna work on submitting my main Pokemon into the character roster for this years event, but first I need to make their proper references so that people will have a clue on how to draw them, even if beside their accessories, and maybe the eyecolor in Ambi's case, they look like an average Pokemon so Idk if I should check that I "designed" them in the submission form or not.

If there's any tips I need to know, let me know.

[megalony]

Close call

This is a Sonny Carisi imagine that was requested by the lovely @musicistheway and I’ve had it in my inbox for quite a while now but didn’t have the inspiration until now to write it. Sorry it took so long but I hope you like it, and I am hopefully doing a follow up part.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez-blog​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @crazylittlethingg​ @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod​ @ceres27​ @thereisa8ella​ @qardasngan

Masterlist

Summary: After Sonny arrests a gang member, he gets a call from his wife, the gang have broken into their house and their newborn baby is there.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, we've got another rape and assault on our hands."

Those words flooded round the squad room and told everyone that their shifts just got interesting and were going to end on a hectic note. Their shifts had started four hours ago and now they were getting right into business since the morning had been pretty slow all things considered.

For the past week, there had been a gang going round the streets, picking on young women who were alone. They had gone from merely assaulting them to actually raping them and they had attacked four women so far, now this made it five.

"The same gang again?" Sonny rubbed his hand over his eyes to liven himself up a bit.

The long shifts they were on were starting to take a toll on him, especially since he had a three-month-old baby girl at home so when he finished his shift, night-time was the only time of day he had to spend with her. That consisted of Sonny going straight to her for a cuddle and a chat when he got home, spending some time with (Y/n), then waking through the night to tend to Lilah.

(Y/n) had tried to talk him out of it, she was on maternity leave and tried to get up during the night to feed and settle Lilah so he could sleep but Sonny wouldn't let her. She told him that he needed sleep because he was at work but he knew if he slept then he wasn't getting the precious time he wanted with his daughter.

"I suspect so, it's the same MO. Two guys this time, grabbed her on a quiet side street where there were no security cameras and attacked her. She managed to scratch one of the men so when the rape kit comes back his DNA should be under her fingernails and we match it to one of the suspects."

Sitting down at his desk, Sonny took a large gulp of his coffee before he tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a few moments. He had been desperate to get back home to his wo girls all day since the moment he turned up to work.

Sonny didn't realise how hard he would find it to leave Lilah at home and come to work. Whenever he had to settle her down from his arms he felt like he wanted to cry, it wasn't fair. He wanted more time off from the team so he could be with her and (Y/n).

When he opened his eyes he found his focus zooming in on the picture frame resting on the corner of his desk.

The first time he held Lilah.

(Y/n) loved that photo due to how cheesy his smile was and that she could see the tears on his cheeks. He had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and the buttons undone so Lilah could rest against his chest and get skin contact with him.

"Carisi, Rollins go grab Leon our main suspect and get him here to be interviewed."

Sonny heaved himself from his chair and sluggishly followed Amanda, clipping his badge onto his belt and holding his jacket in the crook of his arm as he walked.

"Lilah keep you up last night?" Amanda glanced her eyes over to Sonny when they were sat in her car. A smile formed on her lips when she watched his eyes soften yet light up at the same time and a lopsided grin formed on his lips. The pair of them could always have a conversation about anything and everything even when they were at work and what they had to do for a living.

"Yeah, she's got a bad chest so (Y/n)'s taking her to the doctors today. But you know, I spent half the night in the rocking chair with her on my chest and I just wanna go do it again."

For the past few days Lilah had been having a bad cough and crackling breaths so (Y/n) had gotten a doctors appointment for her to be checked over. It hurt Sonny during the night when he heard her crying in a gritty, deep way and then turning into coughs that were so meek since she was a baby but they somehow cut right through Sonny's heart.

But when he sat and rested his little girl on his chest and slowly rocked the chair with his heels, he felt peace flooding through him in waves.

It didn't take them long to reach the usual hangout spot for the gang they were pursuing in this investigation and to their amusement, all five members of the gang were there. Stood and sat around a bench in the broken down park that was mainly used as a meeting ground for the gangs and people desperate to buy drugs.

This was the part of the city Sonny didn't like, where they would find places for kids that were used for illegal reasons and for the low lives to try their luck against the system. It didn't sit right with him because of Lilah, if he and (Y/n) lived in this area where would they take her? Where around here was safe for young kids?

"Hey Leon, how you doing?" Sonny smiled as he and Amanda slowly approached the gang. He kept his hands deep in his pockets and nudged the side of his blazer to show off his badge, just in case any of them got any funny ideas.

"What can I do for you, officer? Brought me a pretty girl to play with?" The boy who couldn't be older than twenty two at the latest, gave a sickening grin and pulled up the joggers he was wearing. When his eyes flashed over to Amanda she rose a brow at him and jutted her hip so he could see the badge. Not that he would care, she could see that he wasn't going to think or see her as a detective.

"How about an alibi for this morning, can you manage that?"

Amanda placed her hand on her hip as a sigh passed through her lips, this was going to be easy to get him down to the station but not easy to get him to talk unless it was bullshit that passed through his lips.

"I was out and about with my boys."

"Ahh... where did you get the scratches?" Sonny pointed to Leon's lower arm and the one on his neck that had dried blood around it which they could take for a sample to be sent down to the lab. Their victim had scratched the man who had attacked her and this seemed much too big of a coincidence.

"My girl gets feisty, you want her name?"

"Yeah I do, and I want the three of you to come with us for a chat." Sonny pointed to the two other boys sitting on the bench with him. He knew for certain that the other two boys weren't the ones they were looking for.

Leon was the main perpetrator, the one doing all the assaults and was now escalating to rape. The two next to him were starting to join in but the two younger ones at the back weren't involved, they were new to the group, they wouldn't be trusted quite yet to join in their crime spree. They only needed the main ones to come in and be questioned because if they didn't have good alibi's and the DNA from Leon and possibly one of the other boys matched, then their case was solid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Am I free to go?"

The smug look on Leon's face was lighting a fire inside Sonny making him want to be jury and judge rolled into one just so he could convict him. It was clear he had done it, his attitude, the look on his face, the weak and useless alibi that wasn't going to hold up in court. But what was more infuriating was that Leon seemed happy about what had happened to the victims even when he was saying he didn't know them or what had happened, he was slightly smiling when he looked at their photos.

Before Sonny had the chance to respond through gritted teeth and say he might be able to go soon, his head turned when the door opened. Finn poked his head into the interview room and with one little nod of his head at Sonny, the tables drastically turned.

"Until next time, detective... Carisi." Scraping his chair along the floor, Leon stood to his feet with such a sickening, toothy grin that made Sonny clench his fists.

But the smile faltered when Sonny also stood up, his hands shoving into his pockets as he slowly walked backwards until he was stood in front of the door with his back leaning against it. His hips arched out and his back bent to rest on the door, showing off his slender, tall figure. It was clear that Leon thought Finn's nod was to let him go, when in reality it was the total opposite.

"Well... you see Leon, I can't let you go just yet. Those scratches on your arms and neck means whoever did that had your DNA under their nails, and your DNA has come back a match for the blood and skin under the victim's nails. That's enough for us to charge you so I guess you're staying here."

The smug look on Leon's face turned to one of anger and hatred, his pale skin started to turn a darker shade of red as his chest puffed out like he was gearing up for a fight that was never going to happen.

"You want that lawyer now?"

"This is a set up! You're lying."

The moment Leon lashed his hand out, Sonny grabbed his wrist and clipped his cuff around his wrist, hearing the gritting sound of it locking around Leon's wrist. In a split second, Sonny grabbed Leon's shoulder and spun him until his front hit the one way glass to prevent him from even trying to fight when he tried to lunge. Both hands were then cuffed behind his back before Sonny walked him out of the room.

"Why don't you wait in holding until we get you a lawyer."

The tiredness Sonny felt earlier had washed away a few hours ago and was replaced by a burst of adrenaline and the swell of pride in his chest. That meant that their case was strong, they needed the victim to ID Leon and one of the other boys and then the ball was officially rolling and they could call Barba in for the next steps.

"Carisi..."

Olivia's lips curved into a small, tight-lipped smile since there were still suspects in the squad room but when she looked at Sonny, she dipped her head in the direction of the drink station in the corner of the room to show him who had walked in.

It was unmissable by the rest of the team the way Sonny seemed to melt and grow brighter at the same time when his eyes set on his wife standing in the corner of the room leaning against the coffee counter. But it was the little bundle she held in her arms that had captured all of the squad's attention.

"Hey sweetheart."

A warm smile flooded (Y/n)'s face and her eyes intently followed her husband as he rounded the corner and advanced over to her. His arms were around her in an instant, warm, comforting and tight yet gentle at the same time to protect the life she was holding in her arms. His warm lips pressed to the top of her head and she could feel his hand rubbing up and down her lower back before he slowly pulled back to look at her.

He didn't have to say anything for (Y/n) to know what he wanted.

Looking down at her chest, (Y/n) gently moved Lilah a bit higher up in her arms before she extended her girl over to Sonny.

"Ooh, hey there gorgeous. How's my baby?"

Sonny couldn't help how wide his lips curved when he reached for Lilah, it was just the effect she had on him. He gently held her sides and took her weight from (Y/n), moving Lilah so she was resting against his chest instead with her head just under his neck. His hands moved to cradle the back of her head and under her bum to support her weight before he slowly turned his upper body side to side.

He loved how she instantly seemed to snuggle closer to him, her ocean blue eyes tiredly peeking around to see where she was, curiosity and wonder filling her orbs.

"She's got an infection so we've got meds to give her but she'll be fine." (Y/n) smoothed her palm over the back of Lilah's head before she moved to Sonny's side so she could rest her head on his upper arm and cuddle into him.

Sonny pressed his lips to the top of Lilah's head and moved his hand to brush her cheek. He felt his chest tingling when her ruby lips parted in what seemed like wonder, showing her bare gums before her small tongue moved to rest against her lower lip like she was waiting for a lollipop.

The small action made Sonny chuckle and when he stroked his index finger against her lips, it tickled as she started to move her lips and kiss his finger. He let her dab her gums around his finger and drool onto his hand because she presumably thought his hand was a pacifier.

"Rollins, look who's here to visit."

Amanda could see the proud look on Sonny's face and the beaming smile on his face showed he wanted to show off Lilah to them all. Sonny had kept the pregnancy a secret from the rest of the team right up until (Y/n) rang and said she was going into labour, that was the first time any of the team- apart from Olivia, knew anything about his personal relationship. He had then brought Lilah in when she was a week old to meet the team but other than that it was simply a few photos they had glanced at.

"Oh Carisi she's a stunner." Amanda gently brushed her hand over Lilah's head where there were a few wisps of blonde hair beginning to grow. It was sweet so see this side of Sonny, he was very chatty and talked about his sisters, his growing up with his parents and he would chat about (Y/n). But now he had Lilah to beam about and this was amazing to see him so different than he was on the job.

"Course she is." Sonny continued to gently rock her up and down against his chest, watching as she reached her hand out to bat at Amanda for attention.

"Finn..." Olivia motioned with her hand for him to come over to her as she took a few steps towards her office to be out of earshot of both the rest of the team and from the suspects in the lock up unit. "We've got Leon in custody, set the other two back out on the streets, I don't want them trying to plan anything in here. Get surveillance on them."

The three of them looked pretty cosy in the lock up unit in the back corner of the squad room and Olivia didn't like it. They needed to be kept separate or at least out the way of Leon while he waited for a lawyer and got his remand or bail set out when Barba arrived. Nor did she like the way Leon was sending daggers over to Sonny and Amanda.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, run me through the second attack, the motive, the injuries, evidence..." Barba waved his hand out in front of him to indicate that he needed to know the same details as they had just explained about the first of the four attacks the gang had committed. He perched himself on the edge of the desk behind him and took a large sip of his coffee, waiting for them to walk him through it.

Sonny did a quick scan through of the victim's examination photos that logged her injuries before he leaned and passed them to Barba so he could see what she had gone through. She may not have been raped but they had sexually assaulted her and she had been beaten up.

Sonny's eyes darted down to his side and he ruffled his hand in his pocket to grab his phone, a flash of worry sparking through his eyes when he saw that it was (Y/n) ringing him.

He had told Olivia this morning when he arrived twenty minutes late that he might need to take a call from (Y/n). He'd been up most of the night with Lilah since her cough had gotten worse and she had a temperature. It had taken everything in him to let (Y/n) persuade him to come into work and she said she would ring if there was any change.

"Sergeant, I..."

"Go ahead." Olivia nodded when she saw Sonny pointing to his phone, she knew what it was like to have a sick child and need to be on hand in case there was any news.

"Hey sweetheart, how is she, is everything okay?"

Taking a few steps away from the team, Sonny leaned his hip against his desk and rested his hand on his free hip. He couldn't help the worry that was rattling through him, either she was going to tell him that Lilah was better and he didn't have to worry or she would say that they might need to go to hospital because she had gotten worse.

(Y/n) hardly ever rang Sonny at work unless it was an emergency, she always texted him.

"Sonny... s-someone's in the house."

"What?"

He couldn't breathe. Who was in his house, what was she talking about? Why was she whispering so quietly that he had to put his finger in his ear so he could listen to her better? Why was her voice trembling like there was someone there shaking her by the shoulders?

"Sweetheart talk to me, who's in the house with you?"

"I don't know, I- I think they were in the holding cell yesterday... they-" (Y/n)'s words halted and a small squeak left her lips when she heard the sound of glass smashing downstairs. Her body was trembling making it harder for her to keep the phone pressed to her ear and keep Lilah quiet in her arm.

Sonny heard the distant sound of something breaking and it sent a shiver down his spine. Someone (Y/n) may have seen when she was here yesterday had decided to go and break into his house! They were trying to hurt or terrorise his family.

"They keep calling your name, d-did you arrest someone? They said you made a mistake... Sonny they know about Lilah, t-they're shouting, a-asking where's the baby."

Leon.

His boys had been let out yesterday because they had no evidence to arrest them or keep them in custody. Finn said they had surveillance on them in case they tried to assault someone on their own without Leon. But they were in his house! They were in Sonny's house frightening his wife and trying to harm his little baby girl.

No! Not my daughter!

"Where are you sweetheart?"

"The bathroom."

(Y/n) had been downstairs in the lounge when she heard the glass window in the kitchen door being broken and voices shouting at her. The moment she heard the windows being broken and the door banging open she had gone into the hallway and shut the dining room door so the kitchen and dining room were closed off. She then clicked the lock on the old door before hurrying upstairs to get Lilah.

She knew it wouldn't be long before they got out and tried to find her but she had to try and hide. But there was nowhere for her to hide unless she wanted to be in the wardrobe in her and Sonny's room but it wasn't that large and they would easily find her in there.

The bathroom was the only room upstairs with a lock on the inside and that's what she needed right now.

"No sweetheart they'll know when they see the door shut they'll break the lock easy. Just give me one second okay, I'll stay on the phone I promise."

Sonny didn't realise he's started to shake with rage until he ran back over to where the rest of the team were still focusing on the victims like they were the only ones. Now it was Sonny's wife and daughter who were the newest victims and he couldn't have anything happening to them.

"They're at my house!"

Sonny's sudden outburst confused everyone in the room, their eyes narrowed and the conversation quickly came to a stop. What was he talking about? Who was at his house? The paramedics, a doctor, was something wrong with Lilah?

"Carisi, do you need to go home to your family?" Olivia turned to face him, concern etched into her voice. She knew he had been worried this morning but now his state was erratic. He was shaking, his face was turning red and the savage look in his eyes was unnerving even for her.

"No- those two little shits Darren and James have broken into my house! Leon must have told them it was me who arrested him, (Y/n)'s hiding in the bathroom she's on the phone they're shouting- they know about Lilah!"

"I'm sorry who are we talking about, who's Lilah, a witness-"

"My daughter!" Sonny snapped his jaw at Barba like a crocodile before his panicked, wide eyes turned to desperately look at Olivia for advice or some kind of order. She had to know what to do or Sonny was going to go home with his gun in hand and shoot both of them for even trying to hurt his wife and little baby.

"She's only three-months old, we gotta go." Amanda jumped down from the desk she was sitting on and grabbed her car keys. They had to go now, they couldn't stand around and plan a strategy.

"Finn, get hold of IAB this could be a hostage situation so we need backup, Carisi go with Rollins but you play by the book, let Rollins take care of the boys when they're apprehended your focus is (Y/n) and Lilah. Nick you come with me, Barba you might need to come along for this.”

"Go! Baby, baby I'm still here, we're all on the way we won't be long. Talk to me." Sonny pressed the phone back to his ear as they all proceeded to rush out of the squad room, him and Amanda running ahead to get to the car.

"Sonny they're breaking the door downstairs." (Y/n) managed to keep her voice to a whisper but it was croaky due to the tears flooding down her face causing her throat to feel tight, especially with how shallow she was breathing.

"I need you to leave the bathroom and shut the door, try and block it with something, a towel behind the door and pull it so it jams then they'll think you're in there. Go into Lilah's room, leave the door half open and get in the airing cupboard."

In Lilah's room there were built-in cupboards into the wall, three to be precise and the bottom one was the largest.

While (Y/n) was pregnant Sonny had re-done them so that the the bottom cupboard had a rail in to hang clothes up in, the middle one had small boxes in containing nappies, towels and bed linen and the top one was a storage one for toys and the added bits they had ready for when Lilah got older.

If (Y/n) jammed the bathroom door then they would assume that's where she was and would try and break it and focus on it. Then if she left Lilah's door open they wouldn't presume she was hiding in there and if she got into the bottom cupboard it would save time so they could get there and she could hide until it was safe.

"O-okay- Sonny they're coming up."

A brutal cry left (Y/n)'s lips, she couldn't help it. She may be older than those boys but they had some sort of weapon each which they used to break in. They were going to try and hurt Lilah, they were shouting and raving, saying that Carisi needed to be taught a lesson so they were going to hurt her and Lilah.

(Y/n) knew she couldn't fight them off with Lilah in her arms and she couldn't hide Lilah to fight them in case they hurt her and then tried to find Lilah.

"Go, just go and hide now baby go!"

It felt like (Y/n) was in some sort of video game being chased and she was about to get caught.

When she opened the bathroom door she could hear them grabbing the railing to propell them to hurry up the stairs. As quick as she could, (Y/n) shut the bathroom door, trapping the very end of her slipper between the door and the wooden frame to jam it. She didn't have time to get a towel and try to keep it more secure like Sonny suggested.

Her feet skidded against the carpet and she could feel Lilah starting to whimper against her chest from how tightly she was held in (Y/n)'s arms and pressed against her. The moment she reached the cupboard, (Y/n) bend down and shuffled inside, pulling the door shut but leaving it ever so slightly ajar for air and a crack of light.

"Rollins fucking go they're reaching her!" Sonny slammed his hand down on the dashboard and his foot that was rapidly tapping against the floor booted the fabric beneath him and broke the seam revealing the car wires.

"I am!"

"Shh, baby shh please." (Y/n) quietly whimpered the words beside Lilah's ear, cradling her daughter just a little too tightly against her chest and shoulder. She would end up smothering her if Lilah tried to cry, she had to keep her safe. "Sonny-"

The phone dropped from (Y/n)'s hand and her arms cocooned Lilah against her tighter when she heard Lilah's bedroom door being slammed open.

Slowly leaning forward, (Y/n) laid Lilah down with trembling arms, placing her in the corner of the cupboard behind the hinges of the door. She grabbed a blanket that was hung up and tucked it around her before moving a small pile of onesies up against her to block her in the corner before putting another blanket very lightly over her. She didn't want to suffocate her or make her too warm and make her temperature and chest worse but she had to hide her.

When (Y/n) heard footsteps pounding towards the cupboard, she took her chance and thrust her weight onto the door so it swung out and collided with whoever was stood in front of it.

She heard a successful clout, a cry and growl of pain and a round of curse words which she took as her queue to scramble out of the cupboard and try to run. Her legs had turned to jelly and all the tears she had cried caused her eyes to sting and her vision to keep blurring in spots.

A scream left the back of her already raw throat when she felt hands clawing at her back and arms like savages trying to get her. (Y/n) did her best to thrust her elbows into the person's stomach and kick her heels out but it wasn't working. Her body aimed for the door but it was as if she was running on a treadmill, seeing her goal in sight but forever staying in the same position.

A cry flew from her lips when her legs were kicked from beneath her and she fell onto her front. Her nails dug into the carpet to pull herself away and her knees burned against the floor as she tried to hurry.

In the back of her mind she prayed that they wouldn't look back in the cupboard and realise that Lilah was hidden in there. (Y/n) needed to be the distraction from that, something they would focus on and try to get her so that Lilah would stay hidden until Sonny got here.

"We've got you now, that detective isn't going to come and save you."

Those words sent shivers running down the base of (Y/n)'s spine before her eyes snapped closed and her body coiled in on itself when one of the boys grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her forward. Her head collided with the banister ahead of her and the boy's weight landed on her lower back and hips like a ton of bricks had landed on her and severed her body in two.

(Y/n) could feel and hear a static buzzing in her ears and the blood rushing to her head making her feel like it was going to burst.

"Get off- leave me alone!"

A croaked cry left (Y/n)'s lips when she felt one of them trying to pull on her jeans but the more she writhed and with how snug fitting they were, it was proving a struggle. She tipped her body so she could manage to get onto her back so she could try and fight him off her before the other one moved beside her and grabbed at her neck. It was clear they didn't know what they were going to do, they were doing whatever came to mind, whatever they decided they wanted to do.

It was getting harder for (Y/n) to breathe with the hands clenching her windpipe and her panicking, tight lungs but she continued to struggle.

When the boy leaning over her got a little too close, (Y/n) tilted her head forward as much as she could manage and thrust her forehead into his nose. It caused her vision to blackout and her head loll back against the floor with a thud but it made him let go of her neck to cradle his face.

"Where's the baby? Be a shame not to visit her too." The boy trying to yank down (Y/n)'s jeans stopped for a moment, suddenly remembering that Lilah must be here too somewhere.

"Not here." (Y/n) spat just as she heard Sonny's voice booming through the house and it was like an Angel's voice serenading her and letting her know that everything was going to be okay.

Her hands reached out to scratch at the boy's face, trying to claw at his eyes to get him out the way before she moved towards the stairs. If she led them down then Sonny and the others could apprehend them and then she could get back to Lilah and make sure she was okay.

"We're coming in, nobody move stay where you are!"

Sonny held his gun out in front of him and made a beeline for the stairs, he knew (Y/n) was still up there and the dining room door was busted at the hinges and the lock was broken and hanging off. They had barely touched the living room before heading up to find (Y/n) and Lilah. Sonny had to get to them now and get them out.

"Sonny-"

The scream that followed made Sonny shiver and come to a halt just as he reached the third step on the stairs. He aimed the gun up but when he looked up, he scrambled to speed up the stairs two at a time to get to (Y/n). She was crawling at the top of the stairs until one of the boys gave her a kick, sending her toppling down the stairs sideways.

Collapsing down harshly onto his knees, Sonny's arms reached out and he laid his front on top of (Y/n) to stop her from falling any further and taking him down like a bowling ball.

The moment he looked up at Darren hovering at the top of the stairs, Sonny aimed and shot a bullet into his left shoulder to send him down to the floor and stop him from trying to go anywhere or do anything.

"Rollins!"

He didn't have to say anything else for Amanda to squeeze past the couple, climbing a few steps at a time to pass them before she went to get James and stop him from going anywhere.

"Lilah, s-she's in... the cupboard." (Y/n) could barely get the words out, her head was spinning, her body felt like it was about to roll down the rest of the stairs and give up on itself and everything was aching and pounding in pain. She wanted to see Lilah was alright and in Sonny's arms and then she just wanted to go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare to find it all just a bad dream.

She could feel Sonny gently moving her so she was no longer about to fall, his arms cradled her to his chest, his lips smothered her forehead with a thousand kisses. He was slowly swaying them side to side as Nick and Olivia bypassed them on the stairs.

"Lilah..."

"I've got her, (Y/n), she's here and she's okay." Nick bent down at the top of the stairs only moments later to show her the wailing, croaky babe in his arms who was cuddling up into his chest for comfort. Her little face was blotched bright red, her parted lips were spluttering coughs and wails and she was constantly wriggling and moving from fright and discomfort.

But she was okay.

"It's okay baby, you're alright now. I'm here, I've got you."

Sonny had his arms wrapped around his wife and his daughter just a few feet away in his colleague's arms. They were alright, he just had to get them to a hospital to have them checked over.

That was a close call.

[movedtodykedvonte]

We need some comfort spamton time now...

Too much pain for the guy, and Addisons too I guess

(spam mailed is brutal) (maybe some doctor spamton may cure our wounds) (he at least gets better)

Okie dokie, here are softer sillier headcanons I have for Spamton in this trying time of angst. Plus some doctor au bits

In the Doctor au Spam saves up to rent a studio apartment he also practices out of. His patients stopped by both as a house warming celebration and to give him stuff to make it homey

Also doctor au, Ambyu-Lances who are also corrupt or generally bad at their job act as his “nurses”. Basically scouts who tell him who has a booboo or not. 

I like to think with kid patients he uses the minitons to distract them when he has to do something that might scare them (shots, setting a bone, whatever freaks out children) also he learned to juggle pipis to make em laugh

in general me thinks he has a soft spot for kids. Like he’d love to be a dad but at no point in time he really thought he was stable (mentally, physically or fiscally) to raise one

Spamton has a soft spot for pop-ups as they are out of style ad creatures kinda like him. I like to think he trades attention for them to distract people so he can rob them <3

As an addison I feel like people thought he was cute in a wet dog sort of way. He’d use this to get the other ads pity sales by acting like a new nervous employee (he didn’t need to act that much)

Big Shot Spamton was really nice to service workers (old kinship), like if he was hanging with snooty friends that didn’t tip or were assholes he’d always sneak back and tip/compensate ridiculously well. 

Because of this when Spam had his downfall a lot of these workers remembered and snuck him stuff to use or sell.

When he sees discarded dolls as a puppet he sneaks them into or onto thrift store shelves so at least one toy may find a loving home again

damn bro ur projecting on a lala loopsie??? L

Surprise Case file spam softness, Spamton does get a merry band of con artist that like help him deal with this bullshit. They are a bunch of reject ads/viros/ambys and basically its a silly (with some angst) battle of the friend groups sub plot

I feel like Spamton has one miniton that’s like his special little helper buddy that he is incredibly defensive over. Like if a maus or tasque bothered it Spamton’s gonna fist fight that thing

I’m renaming the doctor au Spampilled cause it’s so much funnier.

[witchesoz]

What we know of Oz: Book 4, the great retcon

Despite having tried his best to answer his audience’s questions and to tie together all the lose threads of Oz with “Ozma of Oz”, L. Frank Baum kept receiving letters and asks demanding to know more about Oz and to have more of Oz – while interest in his other works stayed quite thin, and smaller than his audience’s investment in Oz. As a result, he ended up agreeing to write a fourth Oz book – “Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz”, published in 1908, one year after “Ozma of Oz”. However, the book takes place in a lot of different various underground magical lands, with Oz being a very small part of the overall story – only six of the twenty chapters. This shows clearly that Baum was growing more and more uninterested in Oz, and sought to write other stories.

# After a long series of adventures and trips in the underground land, Dorothy finally thinks of using Ozma’s help to get out of danger, using the deal with the Magic Picture mentioned in the last book – however here conditions are changed, in that instead of every Saturday morning, now Ozma looks at Dorothy every day at four o’clock.

# Fascinatingly, this book is home to one BIG retcon of the Oz chronology, a big change from the previous books: The Wizard of Oz (who finally makes a return and is Dorothy’s companion for her travels) has absolutely no idea of who Ozma is – and in fact never had any interaction with Ozma at all. Which is in contradiction with the tale of Book 2, which explained the Wizard was the reason Ozma ended up in Mombi’s care in the first place. But more on that latter.

# The Wizard of Oz expresses a desire to live again among the “four nations of Oz”, and he mentions that apparently he was the one that built the royal palace AND the Emerald City (which indeed, was something mentioned in the first book). Dorothy also adds that the Ozians are “still proud” of their former ruler and “often speak of you kindly” – which brings back to mind the debate in Book 2 where Tip had heard about the Wizard being a crook and the Scarecrow defended the Wizard’s honor.

# Dorothy claims here that there is no horses in Oz, beyond the living Sawhorse.

# And finally our hero are teleported to the Emerald City, described as a “beautiful emerald-green city bathed in a grateful green light that was especially pleasing to the eyes” (quite a contrast to the city of the first book), filled with “merry-faced people in gorgeous green-and-gold costumes of many extraordinary designs” – with the palace having jewel-studded gates and a courtyard with splendid blooming flowers and pretty fountains shooting silvery sprays in the air.

# The Wizard meets Jellia Jamb, that he apparently already knew before from when he ruled over the city, and he meets again Omby Amby, who just upgraded from a private to the Chief General of the Royal Armies… and turns out that Omby Amby is actually the tall soldier with green whiskers from the first book! But as he explains, he shaved off the whiskers a long time ago.

# We have again a stress on how unique and bizarre horses are in Oz due to Jellia Jamb thinking the real horse is the “unusual” and “bizarre” one where the Sawhorse is the “normal” one ; and no stables existing for horses in the palace… which contradicts entirely what we were told in the second book that the Sawhorse was designed precisely to look like a real horse. But anyway, it is another Baum Inconsistency (name trademarked).

# The Wizard is offered to take back his old room for his stay, the one “at the back of the Great Throne Room”, and he gleefully agrees. As for Zeb, Dorothy’s cousin and new companion, he is very startled and anxious upon seeing all the luxuries he is treated to. He is offered a grand and beautiful room, with a closet filled with fancy costumes of rich velvets and brocades, while the bathroom has a marble tub with perfumed water. Zeb quickly abandons his old farmer outfit for “a maroon velvet costume with silver buttons, silk stockings, and soft leather slippers with diamond buckles”, while the Wizard appears dressed in black velvet, with sparkling emeralds decorating his breast (though Zeb notes that the bald and wrinkled head of the Wizard makes a contrast with the outfit that is more amusing than impressive).

# Now, this is very important… during the diner with Princess Ozma, she and the Wizard of Oz exchange tales of the history of the country, and this serves as THE major retcon and chronology re-alignment of the entire series. Forget what you heard in the first two books, things are going to be twisted! Ozma beings by describing the Wizard as “the famous man who built the Emerald City and united the Munchkins, Gillikins, Quadlings and Winkies into one people” [something that latter Ozma herself disproves as wrong, so why would she say that in the first place?]. She also asks the Wizard if he named himself after Oz or if Oz was named after him, which is apparently a mystery she always wanted to know [but again, the thing is that right after Ozma reveals she KNOWS the answer to her own question, so this whole conversation is actually nonsense when you look at it as a whole. Either Baum was subtly trying to slip in the questions of his audience, either Ozma is secretely tricking and testing the Wizard. Either she is losing her mind.]

The Wizard answers with his tale and his version of the history of Oz: He clarifies that he uses “OZ” because these are his two first initials “Oscar Zoroaster”, and the rest of his initials just spell “PINHEAD” so he sticks with his two first names. He also explains how he arrived in Oz by mistake, and how people seeing the word “Oz” and all the various circus tricks he would do (including ventriloquism, his main ability) people assumed he was a wizard named Oz. The Wizard adds that when he arrived Oz was a “Land separated into four countries”, with each one ruled by a Witch – the people thought the Wizard’s power was greater than the one of the Witches, and Oz theorizes that the Witches perhaps thought it too because they never dared oppose or attack him. So the Wizard ordered the construction of the Emerald City “just where the four countries cornered” and he announced himself the “Ruler of the Land of Oz”, which included in his domain the four countries – and he ruled “in peace for many years” until he grew old and “longed to see his native city”, upon which he decided to leave with Dorothy on a balloon. [As you can see, the story is very different from the one we saw in the original book, where notably the Wizard was only ruling over the Emerald City, and he didn’t left because he felt old but because he was outed as a fraud by Dorothy – but a recurring element of the Wizard’s character in this book is that he keeps telling tall tales and twisting the truth, even outright lying to have a better role – notably at the beginning he claimed he never did anything wrong as a wizard, to which Dorothy reminded him that as the Wizard of Oz he made several mistakes…]

Ozma is quite impressed by this story, but she immediately complements this by another tale of the history of Oz, to better help the Wizard “understand” why and how things happened. According to her, many years before the Wizard arrived, the Land of Oz was united under one ruler – if the ruler was male, he was named Oz, if she was female, she was named Ozma – because Oz means “great and good” in the Ozian language. But one day, four Wicked Witches gathered together in a league to depose the current king, and rule the four parts of the kingdom for himself. This ruler was Ozma’s personal grandfather, that was stolen away and kept prisoner by one of those four witches. With the king gone, the four Witches divided the land among themselves – and thus this was why the Ozians were so happy upon seeing the Wizard arrive and thought them as the rightful ruler. She also adds that when the Wizard arrive, there were two Goods and two Wicked Witches, because the Good Witch of the North (still unnamed) and Glinda the Good (Good Witch of the South) conquered the evil witches of their respective corners. And then the bomb drops… The Wicked Witch of the North, the one that was deposed by the Good Witch, was none other than Mombi. Yes, Mombi, the villain of Book 2! Even more… Mombi was the one who imprisoned Ozma’s grandfather, and even after being deposed by the Good Witch, she stayed the jailor of Ozma’s grandfather… and then the jailor of Ozma’s father… and when Ozma was born, she turned her into a boy so that no one would ever recognize her. [If you recall, in Book 2, the story was WILDLY different, as it was said the Wizard of Oz overthrew King Pastoria, the old ruler of Oz, and he got rid of the little baby princess by offering her to Mombi… When here, apparently the Wizard arrived after all of that was done, and it was all the Wicked Witches fault]

# Mind you, this change of backstory is visibly done to turn the Wizard into more of a hero than the ambiguous person he originally was. And indeed, for all his good services to Oz, for having supervised the building of the Emerald City and having ruled “wisely and well for many years”, now that the Wizard is old and said he refused to rule again over Oz, Ozma offers him to live in the palace until his death, and to become the Official Wizard of Oz, with all the respect and consideration the position deserves. The Wizard agrees, but Dorothy tries to warn Ozma, saying he is only the “humbug Wizard”. To which Ozma answers with a smile that it is the “safest kind of Wizard to have”.

- - - - -

And thus began a series of unanswered mysteries. Who is the fourth wicked witch? Who was Ozma's grandfather and what's the deal with her father? Which of the dozen Oz continuities is right? And many more questions Baum never answered...

[transingthoseformers]

I am very fond of Pharma and decided to reverse the usual headcanon of Ratchet having mentored him into Pharma being Ratchet's mentor in this and having had a background a bit like the Netflix Trilogy Red Alert running a Neutral Medical Facility called Delphi after leaving due to Sentinel's behavior.

Minerva, an old friend and Elita's CMO, came to recruit him as the war intensified and people were dying more and more and neutrality became less of an option on Cybertron. Ratchet also had very loud opinions about joining that he shared with Pharma and Ambulon before they all went with very clear boundaries that Pharma would leave and that anyone who associated with Sentinel was on thin fucking ice.

Ambulon was a former Decepticon, Pharma took in early into his defecting and trained and he in turn helped train Ratchet as well and their other trainees. Ambulon’s authority isn't questioned because anyone who says anything to him has to deal with an absolutely furious jet while Ambulon tries to remind him they can't actually maim patients.

Okay I love how the Netflix trilogy is mentioned here because I am the number one WFC apologist, and WFC Red Alert has a fun backstory

Neat that Pharma's basically the main medic here, very exactly protective of his mentees and Ambi, I don't think we see positive depictions of Pharma enough in fanon. The fact that Sentinel was his tipping point makes sense, considering everything I have ever known about most depictions of Sentinel.

[ambimoon]

Temp "about me" pinned post

My name is Amber (Ambi) Shank and I am an artist from Canada. >.<

- I have been on a journey to apprentice as a tattoo artist since 2019, no luck yet but maybe one day I will tattoo you *insert finger guns here* ;>

- I love making fanart, and lately, I have been especially interested in Baldur's Gate 3.

- I don't really have an art style but I tend to lean more towards line-art focused illustrations; for me, the colour and further rendering takes secondary priority. I also take a LOT of inspiration from artists working in the gaming and animation industries. (Shoutout, love yous)

- I am currently NOT taking commissions UNLESS it is something I really want to do. I have been struggling with my mental health a lot recently, and it makes completing things very difficult, even if there's money involved.

- if you want to support me, the best way to do that is to share my stuff, check out my other links, and tip me <3

Click the tag to see ONLY my art

[rosenfey]

ambie! i’m contemplating buying dd2 but i’m not entirely sure. could you perhaps share what your experience playing has been like? it looks like fun from what you’ve posted, but i’m curious if it’s worth the price tag? thank you!

hi! this depends tbh - have you played the first game / ddda? if yes ABSOLUTELY buy it I cannot recommend it enough.

even if not I would still absolutely recommend it but bear in mind that I am heavily biased because ddda is my comfort game and the games themselves have huge sentimental / nostalgia value to me.

to be honest, this game is incredible to me. it's exactly like the first game but better, the combat is more intuitive, the world feels more vibrant and the pawns themselves feel more alive! the story itself / lore is a bit ambiguous and you have to piece things yourself, just like in soulslikes. actually, yeah, I would describe dragons dogma games as dark souls lite turned dnd game idk why its just the vibe!!!

i have been enjoying dd2 immensely and its already my comfort game. bear in mind that if you play on PC there are some performance issues, depending on your rig, but capcom stated that they might be looking into it in the future patches. it didn't discourage me from playing at least and there are some helpful tips online on how to improve it a bit.

the world is fun to explore because it feels filled with things, there is stuff happening around every corner. you initially can't fast travel but i never mind that because I honestly love exploring everywhere and seeing everything! there are no quest markers and such but the pawns themselves can offer guidance if they already accompanied another player on the quest!! they will also point out points of interest and loot that you might have missed. i think that's super cool + you can high five them after a battle!!! which honestly is a high-light to me. sometimes. the pawns also talk a lot - which i honestly love, personally - and this time they interact with each other!!!! there is banter!!! and it can be so funny / sweet sometimes idk they just feel more rounded out this time and i love love love them so much!!! i also love the addition of camping to the game - i know its there to rest while out and about but i just find it so cute and cozy.

i love the combat. i honestly don't play games for combat and I usually don't have strong feelings about it but I love the combat here. i mean dragons dogma always had a well-designed combat imho but dd2 improves it. it just feels more intuitive, more streamlined but without reducing the complexity of it. i play a mage (have to heal. i have healer main syndrome) and I love how squishy I am and that I have to mind my footing and keep an eye out on my party members so I can heal and buff them in time. i usually do not care for difficulty in games (hello resident "always plays on easy" girlie here) but I love how dragons dogma handles it. because you really do improve as you go and it doesn't feel as overbearing and punishing as soulsborne does.

cant speak much for story yet + obviously want to avoid spoilers but i personally find it intriguing. i really love the side-quests though. and how deep they can go. what starts as a simple fetch quest can actually evolve into a full on storyline with twists and turns and multiple endings. its good quest design!!! and I love how the game doesn't hold your hand but if you do need guidance you can get it!!! the pawns are here to help!

i love the overall vibe and the aesthetic, it feels like I am in a medieval fantasy fairy tale with fabled monsters, legends, and beautiful landmarks. and there are so many secrets to discover, so many moments that made me go "OH". I get excited whenever I discover anything new, or when I level up, or beat a boss. this game rewards you for your time!! it rewards you for exploring and honing your skills and finding out stuff!!! idk its just. like a drug to me lmao I love the sense of accomplishment it gives.

i can honestly say this is going to be one of my top games of all time. i think a lot of that has to do with the love I feel for the first game but I would recommend the game to newcomers as well (you will just miss out on the nostalgia and it might take you a bit longer to find your footing, but story-wise its a stand-alone adventure and things are explained to you). ultimately, if you are still on the fence, and haven't played ddda yet, I would recommend that also, you can get it pretty cheap nowadays and dd2 is basically the same as that but with better graphics.

[worthyhog0001]

Culinary Connoisseur: A Handbook for Enthusiasts of Modular Kitchen Mastery

Introduction

The kitchen is the heart of a home, and for those who revel in the art of cooking, a modular kitchen is a dream realized. With its sleek design, efficient layout, and innovative storage solutions, a modular kitchen transforms culinary spaces into functional and stylish havens. This handbook delves into the realm of modular kitchen mastery, offering insights, tips, and inspiration for culinary enthusiasts looking to elevate their kitchen experience.

Unveiling the Magic of Modular Kitchens

Understanding Modular Kitchens

Modular kitchens are characterized by a systematic and organized layout, with pre-fabricated modules or units that fit seamlessly into the available space. These kitchens prioritize functionality, convenience, and aesthetics, making them a favorite among those who relish the culinary arts.

Key Features of Modular Kitchens

Customization: Modular kitchens offer a high degree of customization, allowing individuals to tailor the layout, colors, and materials to suit their preferences.

Space Optimization: These kitchens are designed with meticulous attention to space optimization, ensuring that every nook and cranny serves a purpose.

Innovative Storage Solutions: From pull-out cabinets to intelligent pantry systems, modular kitchens boast innovative storage solutions that enhance accessibility and organization.

Ease of Installation: The modular nature of these kitchens facilitates quick and hassle-free installation, reducing downtime during the renovation process.

Crafting Your Modular Kitchen Masterpiece

1. Optimized Layout Design

Guiding Principles:

Work Triangle: Arrange the stove, sink, and refrigerator in a triangular layout to optimize workflow and minimize movement.

Zoning: Create distinct zones for cooking, washing, and storage, ensuring a logical and efficient arrangement.

Implementation Tips:

Island or Peninsula: Integrate an island or peninsula for additional workspace and a casual dining area.

Task Lighting: Install task lighting above key work areas for enhanced visibility and functionality.

2. Material Selection and Finishes

Guiding Principles:

Durability: Choose durable materials for countertops and cabinets to withstand the rigors of daily use.

Easy Maintenance: Opt for finishes that are easy to clean and maintain, promoting a hygienic cooking environment.

Implementation Tips:

Quartz Countertops: Consider quartz countertops for a combination of durability, aesthetics, and low maintenance.

Laminates: Use high-quality laminates for cabinet finishes, offering a variety of colors and textures.

3. Smart Storage Solutions

Guiding Principles:

Vertical Storage: Maximize vertical space with tall cabinets for storing items such as pantry goods, pots, and pans.

Pull-Out Shelves: Incorporate pull-out shelves and drawers for easy accessibility and efficient organization.

Implementation Tips:

Corner Carousels: Utilize corner spaces with carousel units that provide easy access to items stored in deep corners.

Under-Cabinet Lighting: Illuminate lower cabinets with LED lighting for improved visibility and aesthetics.

4. Appliance Integration

Guiding Principles:

Built-In Appliances: Opt for built-in appliances to create a seamless and cohesive look within the kitchen.

Energy Efficiency: Choose energy-efficient appliances to promote sustainability and reduce utility costs.

Implementation Tips:

Concealed Appliances: Use cabinetry panels to conceal appliances like dishwashers and refrigerators, maintaining a streamlined appearance.

Smart Appliances: Explore smart kitchen appliances that offer advanced features and connectivity for a futuristic cooking experience.

5. Color Palette and Lighting

Guiding Principles:

Neutral Base: Start with a neutral color palette for larger elements, allowing flexibility for changing decor elements.

Natural Light: Maximize natural light with large windows or glass doors to create an airy and inviting ambiance.

Implementation Tips:

Accent Colors: Introduce accent colors through decor items, utensils, or small appliances for a touch of vibrancy.

LED Lighting: Incorporate LED lighting under cabinets and in key areas to enhance visibility and add a modern flair.

6. Ergonomic Design for Comfort

Guiding Principles:

Counter Heights: Ensure comfortable counter heights to reduce strain and fatigue during food preparation.

Accessible Storage: Design storage solutions at varying heights to accommodate users of different ages and physical abilities.

Implementation Tips:

Soft-Close Drawers: Install soft-close mechanisms on drawers and cabinets for a quieter and safer kitchen environment.

Pull-Out Pantry: Opt for pull-out pantry systems to enhance accessibility and minimize the need for excessive bending or stretching.

Personalizing Your Culinary Haven

1. Herb and Spice Garden

Guiding Principles:

Natural Elements: Integrate natural elements like herb gardens or potted plants to bring freshness and culinary inspiration.

Proximity to Cooking Area: Place herb gardens near the cooking area for easy access to fresh ingredients.

Implementation Tips:

Vertical Wall Planters: Utilize vertical wall space for herb gardens with wall-mounted planters, saving counter space.

Herb Labels: Label herbs for easy identification and to add a decorative touch.

2. Tech-Infused Cooking Experience

Guiding Principles:

Smart Appliances: Embrace smart kitchen technology, such as touchless faucets or voice-controlled devices, for a modern and efficient experience.

Integrated Charging Stations: Designate areas with built-in charging stations for electronic devices used in the kitchen.

Implementation Tips:

Smart Lighting Systems: Install smart lighting systems that allow for customization of brightness and color temperature.

Smart Thermostats: Integrate smart thermostats for ovens and stovetops to ensure precise temperature control.

3. Personalized Decor Elements

Guiding Principles:

Memorabilia Display: Incorporate shelves or display areas for personal memorabilia, cookbooks, or decorative items.

Personal Touch: Infuse your personality into the decor with items that hold sentimental value.

Implementation Tips:

Open Shelving: Use open shelves for displaying colorful cookware, dishes, or vintage kitchen collectibles.

Artwork or Photographs: Hang artwork or photographs that resonate with your culinary journey for a personalized touch.

Maintaining the Masterpiece

Regular Cleaning Routine: Establish a regular cleaning routine to ensure a hygienic and inviting kitchen environment.

Appliance Maintenance: Follow manufacturer guidelines for the maintenance of appliances to prolong their lifespan and optimize performance.

Periodic Decluttering: Periodically declutter cabinets and drawers to maintain an organized and efficient kitchen space.

Surface Sealing: Seal countertops and other surfaces regularly to protect against stains and damage.

Conclusion

A modular kitchen is more than a culinary space; it's a canvas for creativity, efficiency, and the joy of cooking. As you embark on the journey of mastering your modular kitchen, may the insights and tips in this handbook guide you towards creating a culinary haven that reflects your style, enhances your cooking experience, and becomes the heart of your home. Happy cooking!

[ear-worthy]

Pod-Alization: The Kandahar Massacre; Money Moves; American History Tellers

This week, we have three podcasts to recommend. Two of the podcasts are from iHeartPodcasts and one is from Wondery. 

**********************

The War Within: The Robert Bales Story: In March 2012 in a region of Afghanistan known as the birthplace of the Taliban, Staff Sergeant Robert Bales left his base and laid siege to two villages, killing a reported sixteen innocent Afghan civilians. This new iHeartPodcast explores the lingering questions behind what became known as the Kandahar Massacre. Join host Mike McGuinness each week as he discusses everything from brain injuries to potentially toxic drugs and possible cover-ups by the nation Robert Bales swore to protect. Tune in Thursdays. This is essentially a true-crime podcast, except that the crime took place in another country. **************************

 Money Moves Powered By Greenwood: Talking about money shouldn’t be taboo! Join host Tanya Sam on Money Moves Powered By Greenwood as she works to empower Black and brown communities to end the wealth gap by providing financial planning tips. Each episode features guests sharing their successes and how they balance the money moves behind their names and businesses, as well as highlighting the celebrities making significant money moves. Tune in every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Why should the only podcasts about financial advice be from old white guys and a crabby woman who yells about debt?

************************

American History Tellers:  The Cold War, Prohibition, the Gold Rush, the Space Race. Every part of your life - the words you speak, the ideas you share - can be traced to our history, but how well do you really know the stories that made America? They'll take listeners to the events, the times and the people that shaped our nation. And they'll show listeners how our history affected them, their families, and affects you today. 

The podcast is hosted by Lindsay Graham, not the Senator, but the smart, articulate one. The podcast host Lindsay Graham is the founder and CEO of the podcasting company Airship. He's also the Ambie-nominated and Webby Award-winning host of the podcasts American History Tellers, American Scandal, Business Movers and History Daily, and the executive producer of the audio dramas 1865 and Terms.

Graham doesn't just scratch the surface of history, but plunges into the deep end of the pool, with seven episodes each on The Cold War and Prohibition. The podcast dives into Andrew Jackson, Civil Rights, and The Space Race.

Get a non-lethal dose of American history before it's DeSantis-ized .

[debeesem]

/PE-REM-PU-AN/

Bagaimana jika kesempatan sudah terbuka lebar tapi keadaan tak mendukung?

Hari ini adekku yang jurusan Teknik Mesin ngabarin kalo dia keterima beasiswa es2ua di Tekwan sekaligus sebagai asisten profesor, padahal sidang skripsi aja belum. Katanya ketua jurusan langsung yang minta dia buat ke sana, dan berangkat September nanti. Sebagai nak ambis sejak kecil, aku cukup tau kalo dia bahagia dengan kabar itu. Sebagai mbak yang ingin adek-adeknya terbang lebih tinggi, aku juga mendukung penuh. Mumpung masih muda semangat masih membara kebebasan belum berubah, gapailah mimpi selagi bisa.

Tapi kebahagiaan itu seketika redup ketika nelpon emak. Ridho Allah ada pada ridho orangtua, dan emak ga setuju! Bukan karena mau lanjut kuliah, bahkan emak berharap bisa menghantarkan anak-anaknya sampai ke jenjang pendidikan tertinggi. Tapi karena kenapa harus sekarang? Kenapa harus Tekwan?

Memang didikan emak ke anak perempuannya berbeda, apalagi setelah abi pergi. Gak boleh malas dan manja, harus serba bisa, harus mandiri, berani, dan gak bergantung. Disediakan fasilitas lengkap untuk kami kuliah, termasuk kendaraan pribadi, agar apa-apa bisa sendiri ga minta tolong ke orang lain apalagi teman lelaki. Disuruh ikut beladiri untuk keamanan diri sendiri. Dikasih tips perjalanan sebagai perempuan biar bisa aman berpetualang. Dan lain-lain.

Termasuk bahasan ini; aku dan adek ga dibolehin kuliah di luar, kecuali sudah nikah! Alias: kalian kalo mau ke luar harus nikah dulu, cari suami yang sama-sama mau kuliah di luar, jadi di sana nanti ada yang jagain. Kuakui menjaga diri sebagai perempuan-muslimah-lajang secara utuh tu susah, susah banget! Ramah dianggap suka, cuek dianggap sombong. Kaki adalah aurora, lengan adalah aurora, bahkan suara pun bisa mengandung aurora. Pake warna-warni bibir salah, berkarya di muka salah, pakaian gak longgar salah, seolah seluruh apa yang ada di diri perempuan bisa mengundang fitrih dan aurora. Mungkin itulah kenapa dijanjikan surga sebagai balasan bagi orangtua yang berhasil membesarkan dan menjaga anak perempuannya.

Aku gatau gimana perasaan seorang ibu karena belum pernah di posisi mulia itu. Mungkin kekhawatiran emak terhadap anak perempuannya sangat tinggi. Apalagi melepas di negeri yang beda agama dan beda segalanya. Jangankan itu dah, ndaki gunung aja kami ga pernah dibolehin. Mo blackpacker sendiri ke luar ga dibolehin. Bahkan mo terjun ke lapangan juga ga dibolehin. Alasannya cuma satu; karena kamu perempuan.

Tapi..

Apa harus seperti itu jalannya?

Akhirnya kukatakan ke emak, "kasian dek Balqis Mi. Doa Ummi kan berarti banget untuk dia. Coba sekarang Ummi izinin dulu. Kalo emang ga baik dan bukan rezekinya, pasti ada aja nanti hambatannya kan. Jadi sekarang biar ngalir dulu aja biar ga pupus semangat dia."

Ya.. apa yang menjadi takdir kita ga akan terlewat, kan? Dan mungkin cuma itu yang bisa kulakuin sebagai mbak, yang juga ingin ke luar suatu hari nanti..

[gabriellaterrell]

Tips Mudah Kuliah di Kampus Kelas Karyawan Sabtu Minggu

Berikut ini tips kuliah di kampus kelas karyawan terbaik yang perlu kamu tahu:

Pilih Jam Kuliah yang Tepat

Sebagai seseorang yang kuliah sambil bekerja, tentunya Anda harus memilih waktu yang jauh lebih sempit untuk kuliah dibandingkan dengan mahasiswa yang berada di jalur regular. Untuk kuliah kelas karyawan ini, kami sarankan supaya Anda mengambil waktu kuliah yang tepat dan pas bagi Anda.

Contohnya, jika Anda kesulitan kuliah  waktu malam hari karena mempunyai jam kerja, maka bisa mencari universitas-universitas yang menyediakan atau membuka kelas karyawan di hari Sabtu Minggu Pagi, begitupun dengan sebaliknya.

Intinya, Anda harus memilih waktu atau jam kuliah yang paling sesuai dengan jadwal keseharian Anda. Anda harus hati-hati memilihnya dan jangan sampai jam kuliah kelas karyawan yang Anda mabil malah menggangu performa Anda di kantor atau bahkan tugas kuliah Anda menjadi terbengkalai. Yang terpenting, Anda harus bisa mengatur waktu.

Pilih Jurusan Paling Sesuai

Tujuan Anda ikut kelas karyawan tentunya yaitu ingin mendapatkan pendidikan di perguruan tinggi. Sesuai dengan tujuan tersebut, maka Anda harus memilih jurusan yang paling tepat. Misal Anda adalah D3 Tehnik dan sedang bekerja di bidang perminyakan, maka silahkan untuk mengambil program kelas karyawan yang sesuai dengan keahlian Anda di bidang tersebut.  Tidak hanya itu saja, Anda juga harus mengambil program studi yang sesuai dengan permintaan dari perusahaan tempat Anda bekerja.

Sesuaikan Biaya Kuliah

Selain memperhatikan kedua hal di atas, Anda juga harus memperhatikan soal biaya kuliah perkuliahan yang akan Anda ambi nantinya. Jangan sampai, biaya kuliah yang Anda pilih malah memberatkan diri Anda hidup Anda sendiri. Mengapa demikian, sebab ada banyak sekali kasus dimana para karyawan memutuskan untuk tidak melanjutkan kuliah kelas karyawan sampai lulus sebab masalah terkendala biaya. Jadi pastikan, masalah ini tidak akan pernah terjadi kepada Anda, ya.

[humairaleon]

Tips Mudah Kuliah di Kampus Kelas Karyawan Sabtu Minggu

Berikut ini tips kuliah di kampus kelas karyawan terbaik yang perlu kamu tahu:

Pilih Jam Kuliah yang Tepat

Sebagai seseorang yang kuliah sambil bekerja, tentunya Anda harus memilih waktu yang jauh lebih sempit untuk kuliah dibandingkan dengan mahasiswa yang berada di jalur regular. Untuk kuliah kelas karyawan ini, kami sarankan supaya Anda mengambil waktu kuliah yang tepat dan pas bagi Anda.

Contohnya, jika Anda kesulitan kuliah  waktu malam hari karena mempunyai jam kerja, maka bisa mencari universitas-universitas yang menyediakan atau membuka kelas karyawan di hari Sabtu Minggu Pagi, begitupun dengan sebaliknya.

Intinya, Anda harus memilih waktu atau jam kuliah yang paling sesuai dengan jadwal keseharian Anda. Anda harus hati-hati memilihnya dan jangan sampai jam kuliah kelas karyawan yang Anda mabil malah menggangu performa Anda di kantor atau bahkan tugas kuliah Anda menjadi terbengkalai. Yang terpenting, Anda harus bisa mengatur waktu.

Pilih Jurusan Paling Sesuai

Tujuan Anda ikut kelas karyawan tentunya yaitu ingin mendapatkan pendidikan di perguruan tinggi. Sesuai dengan tujuan tersebut, maka Anda harus memilih jurusan yang paling tepat. Misal Anda adalah D3 Tehnik dan sedang bekerja di bidang perminyakan, maka silahkan untuk mengambil program kelas karyawan yang sesuai dengan keahlian Anda di bidang tersebut.  Tidak hanya itu saja, Anda juga harus mengambil program studi yang sesuai dengan permintaan dari perusahaan tempat Anda bekerja.

Sesuaikan Biaya Kuliah

Selain memperhatikan kedua hal di atas, Anda juga harus memperhatikan soal biaya kuliah perkuliahan yang akan Anda ambi nantinya. Jangan sampai, biaya kuliah yang Anda pilih malah memberatkan diri Anda hidup Anda sendiri. Mengapa demikian, sebab ada banyak sekali kasus dimana para karyawan memutuskan untuk tidak melanjutkan kuliah kelas karyawan sampai lulus sebab masalah terkendala biaya. Jadi pastikan, masalah ini tidak akan pernah terjadi kepada Anda, ya.

[megalony]

Your Mother, and Mine- Part 3

I know I haven’t been updating a lot of series recently but I am trying to get round to everything. I hope you all will like this part of my Tom Holland series, feedback is always amazing.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez-blog @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod @ceres27 @thereisa8ella @qardasngan

Series Taglist: @sarbear94 @myartistrash02 @spideyh0lland​ @firefairy​​

Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: Tom and (Y/n) are expecting their first child together and everyone is excited. But (Y/n) fears she won’t be a good mother when her own mum put her through Hell and back and the past won’t leave her alone.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you for bringing me." A shy but sincere smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips and her head tipped to the side so she could look over at Paddy sitting next to her.

The cheesy smile on Paddy's face was enough to make (Y/n) feel more relaxed around him and in the waiting room in general. She held nothing against any of Tom's family, but a family was something (Y/n) never had. She didn't know how to act around the boys because she didn't have siblings, (Y/n) only felt comfortable around her grandparents and around Tom.

With everyone else she felt awkward and uncomfortable because she hadn't learnt the social skills she needed to be around people and interact with them. Her mother had ruined her childhood, worsened her health and taken away her ability to be around others and form a trusting bond with people.

"You're welcome, besides I'm excited to see my nephew." Paddy shrugged his shoulders but the way he clasped his hands together and tapped his foot against the floor showed he was nervous and excited.

Tom was away until tomorrow on a small press tour and he had asked Paddy if he would mind taking (Y/n) to her scan appointment. It meant that (Y/n) didn't have to get a taxi which she hated to do on her own for fear that something would happen to her. And it also meant she didn't have to go on the crowded buses to get to the doctors.

When Tom was home he would take her anywhere she needed to go without any fuss or bother, he didn't mind driving them about and when he was there with her to get a taxi (Y/n) felt calmer.

Driving was something (Y/n) always wanted to do, it was a means of escape. She could get away from awkward situations, she could take herself anywhere she needed or wanted to go by driving herself around. It was a sense of freedom and stopped her from feeling bad when relying on her family and few friends to take her places so she didn't have to get the bus or a taxi. But it was something (Y/n) couldn't do.

Due to her epilepsy, (Y/n) couldn't even try and take driving lessons unless she could go six months without having a seizure. She had frequently come close to that target but never quite achieved it so driving was practically forbidden to her. It was just another thing that Holly had managed to steal away from her.

"What makes you so sure it's going to be a boy?"

"I've just got a feeling, although mum's praying it's a girl, she always wanted a girl."

It was no secret that Nicki was hoping she could have a granddaughter, she had four boys of her own and although she loved them all to the end of the Earth, she did have a yearning for a little girl to spoil. Whereas Paddy was just certain that he was going to have a nephew, it seemed to be the way things would work and he wanted another boy to teach and mess with and look after.

"(Y/n) (Y/l/n)."

(Y/n) looked down at her slightly expanding stomach in contemplation and nervousness as she and Paddy got up to follow the midwife. It almost didn't feel real until (Y/n) noticed that her stomach was ever so slightly rounded now, giving just the hint of pregnancy to reassure (Y/n) that she wasn't dreaming.

She wasn't sure if she had a preference or a wish to have a boy or a girl as long as nothing went wrong and the past didn't repeat itself. But there was worry in the back of (Y/n)'s mind because if she and Tom had a boy, there was the nagging thought that he might pass away just like her brother had done. But then if she had a girl, would (Y/n) be suceptible to the depression and psychosis that Holly had?

Would (Y/n) end up hurting her own boy or girl just like Holly had?

Any and every thought dwelled in her mind as she slowly laid on the cold leather chair.

(Y/n) wanted this, her heart yearned and screamed and drowned with the passion and need to have this baby. To have a family of her own that loved her unconditionally and that she could raise and grow without pain or torture. But she didn't know if she was capable of doing everything that she wished to do.

If she was programmed the same way as Holly then she was doomed.

All the nagging and persisting thoughts suddenly quietened down when (Y/n)found herself looking at the monitor that revealed her growing baby. As she stared at the black and white screen, (Y/n) wondered how her mother could ever feel any horrible feelings towards an innocent new life.

(Y/n) didn't have the connection yet that she desired to have with her baby but she certainly had no horrid feelings towards them either. She could feel herself growing more and more attached to the little life she was preserving which is more than could be said for Holly. And that thought alone was enough to make (Y/n) sure that she was going to be better at motherhood than Holly ever dreamed to be.

"That's amazing." Paddy whispered the words more to himself than to (Y/n) but when she heard his words she took hold of his hand.

A smile wormed its way onto Paddy's lips when (Y/n) held his hand, he knew his future sister-in-law wasn't one for affection or touch and that was fine with him. But to know she was getting comfortable around him and was becoming more of a sibling to him made his heart soar. He'd never had a sister before but all the boys had taken to (Y/n) the moment they met her, Paddy knew she was one of them.

All they wanted was to make her one of them, bring her into the family and love her as their family.

Paddy knew it wasn't going to be easy when he saw how (Y/n) recoiled from them on the first meet. She wouldn't let them hug or touch her, she hardly spoke to them and the way she seemed to fear their mother broke them all.

None of them knew what she had gone through to be so nervous about a loving family as theirs, but they were all going to try and help her.

"Right, well while the pictures are printing I just need to take a blood sample."

"Oh, I can't watch that, mum has to bring me for those, I tend to faint when I see the needle." A light but nervous chuckle left Paddy's lips and a shiver ran down his spine just at the thought.

Needles weren't his strong point and he didn't like seeing blood unless it was just a small scratch. It made his stomach churn and he had learned from a young age that if he needed his bloods taken then someone had to come with him and it was usually Nicki. He tended to faint almost every time, even if he wasn't looking at the needle or the blood, the feeling made his head turn to mush and the next thing he was waking up with a splitting head wondering what was happening.

"(Y/n)?"

Paddy looked down at (Y/n) when he realised she hadn't answered him but his eyes narrowed and he felt his stomach tensing as he looked at her.

There was a faraway look in her eyes that seemed to be shaking but as he looked closer, Paddy realised (Y/n)'s head was tilted to the right, also trembling like her eyes. Her left hand was bent back towards her wrist as far as it could possibly manage and her fingers on that hand were curled and twitching making Paddy's own hand hurt just to watch.

"I- um, she-"

"It's okay, she's just having a myotonic seizure, it shouldn't last too long."

A comforting look passed over the midwife's features before she pressed her fingers to (Y/n)'s neck, checking her pulse and making sure her airways were clear and open before she stepped back.

Neither of them could touch (Y/n) when she was like this other than to prevent her from falling from the chair or accidentally harming herself. The seizure just needed to play itself out, there wasn't anything to give her that would immediately stop it.

Paddy hated looking at (Y/n) when she was like this, it felt like he was watching something intimate, witnessing something that should be kept private. The way her hand bent made him want to be sick because surely it had to hurt, despite her not doing it on purpose and her neck was going to hurt too. When her jaw started to grind Paddy felt like crying.

To him, it felt like hours had passed when it was only two minutes at the most before (Y/n)'s movements slowly started to stop and her eyes closed as she regained consciousness and control over herself.

"Alright hun, you're back. Do you feel dizzy, nauseous?" The midwife shone a light over (Y/n)'s eyes to make sure they were constricting properly and that she was fully conscious before checking her pulse again.

"Uh, no I feel okay."

(Y/n)'s stomach was slightly churning but she knew she wasn't going to be sick, it felt like she had been up in the air and was now falling back to the ground with her stomach still high above her. The only seizure she'd had so far whilst being pregnant was a ten second one when she and Tom were out in the car. He noticed she stopped talking but when he pulled over she was talking again, suddenly realising she had seized and missed a few seconds.

Those ones were better, when they didn't last long and (Y/n) didn't feel any effects from them. But then again, this one hadn't been as bad as some she used to have, it was very mild it was just irritating like road works slowing her day down.

"I want to go home."

"That's okay, we will schedule your bloods for another day."

(Y/n) didn't wait much longer before she got down from the chair, her palm rubbing her forehead as she headed out the room with Paddy. She didn't want to wait to book another scan either, that could easily be done over the phone when she was home and felt safer and better.

"(Y/n)... your hand, it's still bent." There was no other way for Paddy to say it and he wasn't trying to be rude but he could see her left hand was still bent back towards her wrist like it was glued in place.

"Oh, yeah it's gone stiff. Sometimes takes a while to get it back under control, it'll happen soon."

Her right hand moved to gently caress her frozen hand, willing it to become unstuck and back to normal again- well, as normal as it could be considering her left hand was the one with nerve damage. It was normal to have her limbs frozen like this when they were affected by a seizure and it usually ended up being her wrists or hands. She knew it didn't look right and she hated people noticing which was another reason she wanted to go back home now.

"Let's get you home."

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"Paddy mentioned he'd never seen you smile that much yesterday."

Nicki looked over at (Y/n), a big yet warming smile on her lips that (Y/n) was slowly starting to like. She was never used to having a mother, especially not one who would give her such loving, caring and endearing looks but it was a nice kind of different that she was getting used to.

Whenever she saw Nicki it was like she was slowly merging into their family and she was gaining a motherly figure she had always wanted yet always despised since she never had one.

After the scan yesterday, (Y/n) had come back with Paddy to his parents home for a while, he didn't want her to go home alone since she had the seizure and when Tom came back this morning, they came back to see his family. Paddy couldn't help but mention to his mum that (Y/n) had been smiling and seemed like a more animated version of herself that was usually reserved for Tom's eyes only.

It was amazing to see her being so happy about the baby when they all knew she was anxious to do her best. And to see her smiling and feeling more at ease around them all made everyone elaited.

"Yeah, I, I don't know what I was expecting... my mum was overjoyed when she was pregnant the first time. Then when she was expecting me, I guess she thought I was a replacement, she wasn't happy. If I feel excited, I don't want to end up in her situation but if I don't feel anything, I don't want to feel no connection either."

To (Y/n), there was no inbetween.

She wanted to be excited and prepared and loving towards her growing baby but that was how Holly had started out and then she lost her baby soon after. (Y/n) wouldn't be able to live if she suddenly lost her baby for any reason. But if she tried to detach herself from the baby or if she didn't feel anything, she might not get a bond with her baby and then she would be the version of her mother hating her child.

(Y/n) didn't know which was worse.

"It's... it's difficult, but remember that this is your experience, not hers. I could never imagine losing a baby but I can understand feeling afraid something would go wrong a second time. But you aren't going to lose the baby honey, and you already want this baby, that feeling won't go away, I promise."

Nicki didn't know the situation, but from what she had gathered, she could see both sides.

She never could imagine the pain of losing a baby or a child at any age but she knew people who had. Having a child after losing one was either a good experience or a bad one. It was easy to see why Holly would be apprehensive towards a second baby and that caused her psychosis.

But her actions after her breakdown were all her own actions and (Y/n) wasn't going to be like that.

"I do want the baby." (Y/n) didn't know why she was trying to convince Nicki, she had already said before that she knew (Y/n) was going to be a great mother and was forming a bond. But she still felt the need to make it heard that this was her choice and this is what she was aching for.

"I know honey." Nicki rested her hand briefly on (Y/n)'s knee before she got up and headed out the room.

Slouching back against the sofa, (Y/n) tilted her chin down on her chest so she could look at her stomach. Her hands slowly ruffled under her shirt to feel her stomach, wishing she was further along so she could have the baby kicking and wriggling inside of her. Despite the pain in her wrist from how her hand was barely back to normal, (Y/n) started to rub circles over her stomach, wondering how it would feel when her stomach was a lot larger and she could feel the baby properly.

A flutter of adrenaline flickered to life in (Y/n)'s chest when she realised she was smiling to herself. She was feeling happy, content, sailing on clouds, this is what she wanted life to feel like. She wanted to feel like everything good was now coming into view, she wanted to enjoy feeling her baby grow and then have them in her arms and see Tom with their baby.

Shaking her head so she didn't get too over-excited, (Y/n) pulled down her top again and slowly stood to her feet. She wanted to find Tom, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him and kiss him and make him feel as elaited as she did.

"What are you all doing?" (Y/n)'s voice was quiet but the smile stayed present on her face as she folded her arms and stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching the siblings curiously.

"Showing Harry how to make a cake."

"Baby come try this, it's better now I've fixed it." Tom tilted his chin up to exert his pride and stature over his brothers who were all messing around at the counters beside him. He had a large plastic mixing bowl in his hand and a spoon which he had clearly taken a lick from to test the batter.

(Y/n) approached the boys with a small grin that got bigger when she saw the cheeky glint in Tom's eyes that always meant a mix of fun and trouble. When she walked over to him he set the bowl down and traded it for the spoon so he could wind his other arm around (Y/n) and coil her into his side.

(Y/n)'s brow rose when she could feel Tom's hand swiftly move down from her back down to caress her bum before he held the spoon out to her so she could try.

"It's good." Her tongue darted out to swipe the mix from her lips but her body jolted when she felt Tom's lips moving to her neck and his teeth grazing against her skin. She shivered the moment he pulled away to look behind him at the twins who were arguing over their cake mix and subsequently getting all the ingredients everywhere. (Y/n) could see Paddy from the corner of her eye just as he grabbed a handful of flour and launched it at their heads.

"Oi!"

"You're mum won't like the mess you're all making." (Y/n) leaned away from a flour attack as the boys started to playfully argue and have a fight with the mixes that should go in the oven, not on the floor.

With a smile (Y/n) took the chance to try some more of the batter which either she or the baby had taken a liking to. It was easy to both watch yet block out the boys arguing in front of her, it was something she was getting used to since it was something she hadn't witnessed during her own childhood.

"Mine's better-"

"No it isn't- stop throwing shit at me."

All their voices seemed to blur together and they were in their argumentative element right until (Y/n) cried.

Tom's head snapped to look behind him where he had left (Y/n) happily watching them just as Sam was raving and swinging the rolling pin up in the air like a sword he was going to attack them with. He could see the way (Y/n)'s eyes were blazed with fear like she was petrified of something- or even one of them! She didn't seem to realise she had cried out but Tom didn't have time to move to comfort her before she had collapsed.

(Y/n)'s head flopped forward when her eyes closed and her lungs tightened so she couldn't breathe. Her body lost all composure and she folded down like a piece of paper, crashing to the floor in a heap.

"Baby!"

Tom skidded down on his knees in front of (Y/n), being quick to try and lift her frame carefully but quickly, not wanting her to lay crumpled like that in case she hurt herself. He managed to ease her top half so that she was laying on his knees, carding his fingers through her hair before his eyes scanned round his brothers.

"Mum!"

"What are you all doing, who's screaming?" Nicki's voice flooded the house before the boys saw her standing in the doorway of the kitchen, her eyes wide and mixed with anger and confusion. "What have you done to her?"

She didn't say it rudely or like she was blaming any of her children for something bad but she knew something had happened by the look on their faces that showed they were scared and worried. There was something in their eyes that Nicki knew when something had happened, whether they had pushed one of their brothers off a swing or slammed a cupboard and broken something.

"She fainted-"

"You were swinging something, what were you messing with? Did you aim it at her?!" Tom's voice shouted out at one of his younger brothers as his eyes seethed across at Sam. He didn't see what he was doing but he knew he had been messing with something. Maybe (Y/n) got scared and thought he was going to hurt her with it or it triggered something because Tom knew her better than anyone and she wouldn't get frightened and faint like that for no reason.

"I was... I was just waving the rolling pin, I swear I didn't aim it at her I didn't." Sam shook his head almost as badly as the rest of his body was shaking.

"That's enough! You lot get out the kitchen and disappear, you can clean this mess up later."

All three boys made a quick exit, knowing better than to dare argue with their mother, especially at a time like this.

"Baby? Come on, you're alright." Tom whispered quietly as he craned his neck down to look at (Y/n), smoothing his thumb over her cheek to try and coax her to wake up as his other hand rubbed up and down her shoulder. He'd seen her suffer panic attacks, nightmares, seizures, even a broken bone at one point, but he'd never seen her faint or collapse until now.

A swell of relief surged through Tom when (Y/n)'s eyelids started to flutter and her shoulders slowly jutted. He continued to rub her cheek to arouse her and bring her back round but his heart shattered when he saw tears welling in her eyes the moment she seemed to come awake.

Silent cries seemed to leave her chapped lips but Tom felt like crying himself when he saw the look in her eyes when she noticed Nicki was kneeling beside them. It was as if someone had pointed a gun directly to her forehead and she was told she was going to die.

"Honey, it's-"

(Y/n) screamed.

Her voice was hoarse and the sound was shrill and piercing but it cut right through Tom's heart. He watched his lover's eyes drown in terror and swell with pain before another cry escaped her lips. She didn't have the energy or control to move herself away but she tried, her body jutted and writhed like a fish on land before her trembling hands covered her eyes and forehead.

When she could feel Nicki's hand on her thigh another scream left her lips and her hands pressed down on her face until Tom was sure she was going to smother herself.

"Mum no don't touch her! Her mum used to abuse her, your touch will scare her. I'll take her upstairs."

It physically pained Tom to say that to his mother because she was the sweetest, most understanding and gentle woman he ever knew and she was the best mother out there. But if she touched (Y/n) when she was in a state like this and leaned over her (Y/n)'s mind would revert back to memories she didn't want. She wasn't good with contact or talking with Nicki because she had been hurt and that was all she knew a mother to be.

There was a small look of pain and guilt in Nicki's eyes before she nodded and backed away to give them some space.

"I've got you baby, it's just me and you."

Tom turned (Y/n) so her head was resting on his shoulder, her body curled up to his chest before he picked her up in his arms and got to his feet. He had done this countless times but each time (Y/n) always laughed yet worried he would drop her or she was too heavy. But this time she simply curled up closer to his chest, breathing in his scent and tucking her face into his neck while her hands almost ripped through his shirt.

Turning the corner, Tom swiftly carried (Y/n) up the stairs, not wanting any of his family to witness (Y/n) like this because it wasn't fair on her. She hated people seeing her hurt or emotional and Tom was the only one she would allow to comfort her when she was like this.

He kicked the door to his old room shut behind them before he gently lowered (Y/n) down on the bed and climbed to sit beside her, once again enveloping his arms around her to keep her against his chest.

"Baby... it's okay now-"

"I-I'm bleeding, it hurts... oow it hurts." (Y/n) could hardly breathe from how badly she was crying.

When she moved her hands to cradle her temple, Tom gently pulled her hands away and held her wrists gently in his hands so she could see them.

"No you're not hurt baby I promise, look, no blood." Tom definitely knew now that she had had a flashback in the kitchen. Her mother must have done something horrible to her for her to faint in fear that it would happen again and for her to think she was back there with blood covering her. "Just breathe for me-"

"She hurt me."

"Why, what did she do to you baby girl?"

Tom's voice was soft and apprehensive because he didn't know if she would actually tell him or not. Whenever he brought up her past and dared to ask what she went through all he got was snippits and little bits. He knew she couldn't bring herself to tell him but he needed to know what she had gone through to truly understand and to make sure he could help her through the pregnancy and keep her and their baby safe.

"I- I don't know what I did, I don't know why she hurt me."

"What did she do?"

"T-the rolling pin, oh God, it hurt so bad. I couldn't see, there was so much blood... she nearly killed me."

(Y/n)'s eyes were closed and her fingers were ever so gently touching her temple like it was still spilling blood all over the floor. She could feel the pain she felt when she was eight, she could feel how intensely her head had split like a coconut, the sound the wood made when it hit her skull. The noise it made when it crashed to the floor beside her.

Then everything mushed together, the ambulance journey, the doctors, the bright lights, then waking up from surgery.

It all hurt.

"She hit you, with a rolling pin?" With each word Tom's voice rose until he was seething anger and rage was burning from his dark eyes.

Tom's body turned stiff until (Y/n) shuffled into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck until he cocooned her to his chest, his chin resting on top of her head. He slowly started to sway them side to side to stop (Y/n) from noticing how he was shaking from rage.

No one was ever going to scare or hurt (Y/n) like that again, Tom wouldn't let anyone do that to her.

Holly almost killed her, and she was her mother.