#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

This is Khalid, he was known for his smile and his capacity to hold so much love and laughter. He was well loved by his parents. Yesterday, his mother shared this video, saying goodbye and accepting his death. I share these stories because we have to keep their memories alive with us. They're not numbers.

"It took me a long time write, to comprehend and to accept your death, my love. My only child, my companion, Khalid.

I feel like time stopped passing that night. I didn't know what was happening around me while I was bleeding. All that I knew was that you weren't with me despite the fact that we agreed to always be together even if death stole us during this.

Above the rubble, I called you all night until I lost my voice, until I passed out. I heard your voice (mom, I left with aunt Walaa up there). I convinced myself, they survived. But later I discovered you survived in your own way, not as I hoped.

You left, Khalid. And just as your birth had an echo when we welcomed you after five years of waiting, when you resisted hard to live, when your twin Adam passed away, your death has an echo too. You came and left so fast I never would've imagined. Your presence was something great, like a miracle I celebrated every single day. You were everything to me and now I have nothing. All I want is to survive the way you did. May you rest from this world in peace..

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

Secrets Kept From Him Chapter 8: His Comfort Ran x F!Reader x Draken WC:5600+k Resident: @enchantedforest-network Synopsis: Waking up in a bed you weren't familiar with you in Ran's home. Trying to process all the events of last night, you are forced to stay in his home until the mess is cleared out. Ending up with you both going to his club to get your mind off what had happened you are face to face with the heiress Ms. Yamaguchi and she isn't too keen on you so close to Ran. The confrontation between you and her would escalate quickly causing Ran to remove you from the scene in that private moment of his comfort will it lead to more than just comfort? Will a certain pair of eyes send chills down your spine of someone from the club? TW: cussing, drinking, smoking, mentions of stalking, mentions of weapons, threatening, vaginal sex, masturbation, making out, multiple creampies, shower sex, desk sex, dirty talking, nicknames (pretty girl, baby girl, my queen) Possessive behavior, mentions of cheating.

MINORS DNI 18+

“Mommy wake up.” you heard your daughter's voice. Her tiny hands against your face. Your eyes began to adjust to the slightly dark room. You saw your daughter's violet eyes looking back at you. You sat up quickly all you could remember was blacking out last night, realizing you were in a bedroom you hadn’t been in before. Looking around just by the decor and the scent that lingers in the room it was Ran’s room.

You looked at your daughter who was next to you. “You okay sweetie?” She nodded “Mhmm. Where are we?” she asked. She remembers falling asleep at her aunt's home but waking up in a strange bed next to her mom. 

“At your dad's home…” After a few minutes of being in bed, you both got up. Walking out of the room to find Ran and Rindou up. “Good morning you two.”  Ran's voice spoke. 

“Mornin..” You said. “Good morning.” D/n walked towards  Ran who picked her up kissing the side of her temple. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

“Okay..” d/n was a bit more quiet than he was used to. Ran had a feeling it could have been due to what happened yesterday. 

“I know it's not a girl's room you slept in but I think we can arrange something in one of the other rooms for you.” giving her a comforting smile. Ran looked at you, the brief look into his eyes quickly averting his eyes away from his. Flashbacks from last night played in your mind. Rindou could sense the awkward tension between you and Ran. “Oi d/n let’s go down the street to get breakfast.”

“What about mommy and daddy?” she asked. “They need to take care of some things. They should be fine by the time we get back.” Your daughter looked over at you. Right now you were a bit on the edge about letting her go due to the incident last night. But you Rindou know he would be able to take care of her. “It -it’s fine, let me just go get her dressed.” After getting her dress and fixing her hair she met her uncle at the door. Ran kneeled down and gave her a hug and a kiss. “Be good for your uncle now okay?” She nodded agreeing you also gave her a big hug. You watch them exit the door and enter the elevator. Ran closed the door wearing a loose-fitted long sleeve, his hand reached for the back of the neck. “Doll…” starting off  “How are you right now?” he asked you bit concerned from your passing out last night. “I’m okay…” softly speaking as you responded.

“Listen… Last night, well yesterday in general was bad… I don’t want to fight with you… that’s the last thing I want to happen between me and you.” Letting out a sigh you rubbed your face. You didn’t want to fight with him either. Apart of you could have been understanding what he may have been feeling just finding out that you slept with Draken. You were feeling that hint of jealousy last night when running into that woman from the club. Just putting a voice to a face still mind-boggled you why Ran wanted you still and not this woman. 

“I know it was just overall not the best day… Look, I don't wanna burden you, me and d/n are going to stay with my aunt for a few days.” Ran shook his head “You can’t do that..” Cocking your brow “why not?” “Because of the person that entered your home…If he was able to get in your home that easily without you knowing he can do it again… That also means he knows your routine and where you go.”  Ran walked to the couch taking a seat. “What do you have Ran. Don’t lie to me.” “There was a deal that went south a few years ago. Some stock supplies went missing that are worth a large chunk of money. They were never able to locate the missing supplies and I figured they would sneak their way to try and get it.” How he made it sound was so simple. “Ran, just give it to them. If you have it so they can leave us alone.” “The supplies are all the way in the Osaka warehouse we have. It will take a few days to get them here..” reaching into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “In the meantime, you and d/n have to stay here. They know better than to enter my property. I can’t let you both go anywhere unless it is with  me or Rindou.” 

Trying not to roll your eyes, maybe a part of him sounded so nonchalant as he spoke. “How long is a few days?” 

“A week why in a rush to see someone?” Slightly shaking his head exhaling his cigarette. 

 A week in a place with Ran for 24hrs… “don’t go there, Ran.” 

That was a dare to him in his next words of choice. “Fuck it I am. Why try to leave so soon? Is it you dont wanna be bothered by me? Or is it because of someone you fucked recently and think you are falling for them when in reality it was a desperation to be fucked?” He asked not holding back  

“Why are you so concerned about what I do? I’m surprised to not see that girl from last night here with her. She seems more up your alley now…” you were playing with fire.

Ran stood quiet “I’m concerned who you bring around MY daughter. The well-being of her safety along with yours. Just do me the favor and stay here till the shipment comes. When they get their stuff you can go back home.”

“Fine”

“We will head to the house to pick up some more items for you and d/n.” Ran called Rindou letting him know you both would be home for about an hour. That escalated quicker than it needed between you both.

 Rindou on the other hand hung up the phone he was sitting in the diner with d/n. His niece sat on a booster chair in front of her with a cup of juice. “Your mom and dad are going to your house.”

Her eyes widen “But what about the monster? Is he there?” She spoke in a feared tone. Rindou saw the expression on her face. He didn’t want her to be frightened. 

“No no,  he is gone.” He reassured her. “Your dad is with your mom. He will protect her,” 

“Uncle Rin is mommy and daddy mad at each other?” She asked him. She remembered hearing them argue yesterday.

Rindou didn’t know how to respond, “it was a disagreement. But it’s nothing you should worry about. They can’t get mad at each other for so long. They end up making up every single time. Have you ever heard of what a drama queen is?” “When something small happens and someone makes it bigger?” she asked to understand the term. “Yeah something like that but both of your parents are drama queens.” he took a drink of his coffee. “Daddy is a drama queen because he had pigtails before so he is not a drama king?” He slightly choked on his coffee wanting to laugh but he kept his composure. “Yeah, he is a Drama queen.”  The food came for both of them. He was cutting her pancakes up. Rindou looked at his niece once more “Kiddo I have a question.” “Yes?”  she spoke as he placed her food in front of her, placing a fork full of pancakes in her mouth. “Do you remember where the man came from?” he asked She stopped chewing and looked at her uncle. She finished chewing her food before she said “I went to grab my toys from the closet and he was there. He told me to be quiet and ask me to call my mommy. When getting into the car to leave the house….. Mommy took me to Aunty’s home… When it was time for bed I couldn’t sleep. I looked out the window. It was the same black car that followed me and Mommy.” Rindou had a view of the outside window “Do you see the same car right now?” She looked out the window and she was looking at all the cars on the street and the small parking area. “No, I don’t see it.”

~~~~~~~~

Arriving at your home you felt anxious about possibly seeing the man there. Ran entered the home first doing a walk-through before you went in making sure it was safe. “Grab what you need..”  Ran began looking for possible break-in spots that would have let the person in the home. He began to check the locks to see if they were picking the windows throughout the house. When he saw the glass window sliding door lock scratched up. He found the way the person entered the home. Opening the back door he took a step outside just observing if something seemed out of the ordinary. 

In your room, you began to back some items when your phone rang. It was Draken when picking up your phone. “Hey,” you said a happy yet with sadden tone

“Hey you okay?” he noticed your tone was off. “Something happened last night and..” “What did he do?” Draken dropped the wrench in his toolbox adjusting the phone to his ear. “Someone broke in last night and… I can’t stay in my house right now… I can’t go into full detail about it.” “Wait what? Why didn’t you call me? I would have been there?” Draken walked out of the garage. “Is it the same people following you?” “Yeah… apparently they know Ran and I can’t stay at home until whatever they need to recover from him…” Draken let out a sigh. “But you and d/n are alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, we are fine... I have to stay with Ran for a few days until it gets all cleared.”

Hearing this Draken was a little displeased he didn't want you staying over there with someone who just found out you both slept together. “Look why don’t you and d/n just stay with me until it gets cleared. After everything yesterday, do you think it is best to stay with him?” “Draken whoever was in my home threatened me and d/n…Ran told me these people are not a joke” Remembering the man's words from yesterday was making you feel anxious. “I-I don’t want more people involved in this mess. I agreed me and d/n to stay with him. D/n also found out Ran is her father. She doesn’t want to be apart from him…”

He let out a sigh. “_________ if it doesn't work out over there let me know and I will have you and d/n stay with me.” Closing your eyes for a moment “Alright… I will try and meet you sometime this week, okay? I will explain everything more when I get more info.” 

“Okay just call me still if you need something.”

Hanging up the phone you finished packing your items before walking into your daughter's room to pack some items. Ran came back into the home once again he locked the door before going upstairs. He saw you packing some items in the d/n room and putting them in a bag. “They came in through the back door. If you want I can have people come over and install cameras on the outside of the perimeters.” You nodded at him “Yeah I just can’t have something like this happen again. You're calling to have the shipments delivered right?”  

“Yeah I will have to wait for Rin to confirm everything then all we have to do is wait. I promise it will be done.”

When getting back to his home Rin and d/n were there. As the day went on the sun began to set. You could see your daughter looked a bit sad taking a seat with her on the couch while Rin and Ran were in the other room talking. They were trying to figure out a shipment way to get the items back here to Japan. You and Ran didn’t do a lot of talking to one another while being under the same roof. “Everything okay d/n?” 

She nodded “Mommy, are you still mad at daddy?” “Why do you ask?” “Because you aren’t talking a lot to him anymore…” She observed the minimal talking you and Ran had since being here. “I don’t want you guys mad at each other…”  She wanted to see her parents get along. 

When Rin and Ran came out they could see D/n and you talking. When she saw her dad “Daddy say sorry to mommy.”

Ran was surprised by his daughter's request. “What?”

“Mommy say sorry to daddy.” 

“Hmmm?” you blinked your eyes at her. Then both you and Ran looked at one another. 

“She is saying both of you stop acting like drama queens and say sorry to one another. I mean you will be around one another for a while and it will be awkward for you both not to be talking.” Rin said, making his way to the couch. “Sorry..” you both said at the exact same time. When you both looked at each other d/n looked at her uncle who sat on the other couch he gave her a secret thumbs up.  Maybe Rin had some tricks up his own sleeves on how to get this ball going for you both. “As congrats you both made up have ________ take my spot tonight at the club.” “Wait what?” you looked over at Rin. Ran was a bit confused about his brother's action. “I can’t leave d/n” “I got her, you can’t go out by yourself if they are following you... other than barging in yesterday into the club you didn’t get to experience what it's like to enjoy the atmosphere in there,” Rin said. 

“Yeah, Mommy you should go!” D/n seemed to back Rin up on his suggestion. Squinting your eyes at Rin who seemed careless about the death glare you gave him. “Daddy would want to take you, right daddy?” Ran couldn’t help but smile at his daughter's request. “Of course.” “I don’t have anything to wear for that.” trying to make an excuse. “Actually you do…” Ran walked out of the living room to his room. You saw a white garment rack cover in Rans's hand along with a shoe box. “I held onto it, I don't know why...But it was an anniversary gift years back you never got the chance to open...” Opening the garment rack to find a deep maroon-colored dress with the tag on it and a pair of laced heels to match it…You couldn’t even make an excuse now that you have an outfit… just seeing how he kept this item you felt like you needed to go now. After agreeing it would take both you and Ran some time to get ready. D/n walked towards her uncle taking a seat next to him. “You did good kiddo, told you they would go out.” “It worked! So does it mean it's a real date?” d/n she asked.

“Yeah you can consider it a date for them,” Rin said. A part of Rin wanted to see you both back together because you guys ending up with anyone else didn’t make sense to him when he saw there was still underlying love for one another. He just gave the push and with the help of his niece, it worked.

After finishing getting ready it was about 8:30pm, walking out of the guest room Ran was just leaving his room. ‘She still takes my breath away.’ ran said to himself. “Lovely as alway,” he said out loud walking towards you. He always looked good in a suit you had to admit. “You look good too.” Giving him a small smile. 

Rin didn’t live too far; he had a small backpack ready for d/n. Both of you gave her a hug before seeing them drive off. Getting into Ran's car he made his way to the club.  Ran was hoping tonight would try to ease the tension off of the both of you.

Ran opened your car door for you. The blazing music coming from the club and the line of people trying to get in. The amount of attention locked on you and Ran as you both walked in as a pair into the club. Feeling the girl's eyes burning at your back as you walked in with Ran. You don’t even wanna count the possibility of how many he has already slept with. Trying to continue to follow Ran you didn’t want to get lost in the crowd you held onto his arm slithering through the crowd. Making your way to the VIP area you can see some of the high rollers greeted Ran. Seeing how some of them began to look at you, your outfit making you feel like you were some type of object. The sudden feel of Ran’s arms sliding around your waist. “You're fine. I got you.” he leaned into your ear. 

He took a seat in his favorite area and the waitress took orders for your guy's drinks. Looking around it was a really nice VIP section even the whole atmosphere of when you enter the club. You felt proud of Ran seeing the hard work he and Rin did over the years. 

As the waitress brought the drink and took them both, handing one of them to you. “Well, what do you think?” Ran asked

“When you talk about it in the past every detail I remember you wanted I can see it being done. It’s honestly amazing.” You admitted to him.

“Thank you.” Ran smiled watching you take a drink. Your whole demeanor was seeming to relax more still his eyes wandered as the dress hugged your curves. “I knew that dress would look good on you.” 

You smiled slightly blushing before you could respond and you heard a voice “Ran dear I thought  I wouldn’t see you tonight.” 

Both of your heads turning to the voice that made Ran cringe seeing Ms. Yamaguchi.

“Ms Yamaguchi, what a surprise?” He spoke in a friendly tone. Giving him a side glance it sounded kinda like he didn’t want to be bothered. 

“Oh, it’s your little friend from yesterday I almost didn't recognize you you all dressed up.” the comment it almost took you back as if you looked really bad yesterday, “Sorry what was your name again?” She asked

“Oh it’s _____” giving her a polite smile. 

“______ pretty name.” She responded, “tell me how do you know Ran?”

“We have known each other for a long time. How long have you known Ran?” 

Ran was mentally stressing out on the interaction between you both just how it’s starting off it was going to be not good. 

“For a few weeks but we have gotten very close close.” Ms.  Yamaguchi smiled then looking at Ran giving him a wink. You nodded, then looked at Ran. It was becoming a bit more noticeable why she came over. “Oh darling,” she looked at Ran getting close to him. “I was thinking maybe this coming weekend we can take off.” 

As you close your eyes, rolling them as you open them, you are taking a drink. You turned around slightly looking around the bar avoid what she wanted to hear from him. 

Ran taking a step back. “I actually have to decline.”

“Awww why?” She slightly pouted. “I promise to make it worth your wild.

“I have plans with _____ and our daughter.” She responded. 

You looked over at Ran, who was a bit closer to you now. Ms. Yamaguchi was taken back by his response. His hand trailing down your arm he caused you to blush. The jealousy was fueling her a bit seeing how he was interacting with you. 

“You have child?  since when?” She wanted to hear Ran say it. Even though she already knew. 

“We do have a child.” Not wanting to give her info.

“I’m assuming you both are together?” She asked 

“We are not together yet.” Ran said.

At this point you didn’t know what to say. But you know he was trying to get away from her with all the questioning. Trying to help him out a bit “I mean by the end of the night we might pick up where we left off we will see where tonight takes us.” Taking a step closer towards him, his hand finding your waist once more. 

Ms Yamaguchi spoke  “usually exes are exes for a reason. Since knowing Ran he never brought up a child before till now and I never saw you before till yesterday. Where have you been?” 

“If you must know, I was overseas. I just came back….” You calmly spoke. In that moment she let out a sarcastic laugh. “Sorry, what do you find funny?” 

“You.” Ms Yamaguchi looked at you with a snarky response.

“What about me?”  Placing the drink down on the counter. 

“Seriously, you think for one minute  you can fool me?” Ms. Yamaguchi spoke close to you. “You fooled Ran but not me.” “There is nothing to fool. You don’t know anything about me.” the friendly tone you had disappeared. 

“ It is odd to me that you left then reappeared, with a child. When a woman leaves and becomes pregnant with a child in some cases that means the woman was unfaithful to their boyfriend and instead of them coming clean they disappear. I know more than you think….”

The comment irked you. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She was trying to get a reaction out of you “As I said you don’t know anything about me or my daughter.” More things were gonna come out of her mouth letting you both know how much she does know about you both. “Seemingly she does look like a Haitani from what I saw,” she said it made you question how she saw your daughter. Ran looked over and he knew he never showed a photo of his daughter to her. Before Ran could speak Ms. Yamaguchi finished her sentence “Rin and Ran are brothers now. That could be Rin’s daughter for all we know.”

“Ran, get her out of my face before I do something stupid.” you looked at her. She laughed “Is that a threat? I don’t think you would want to have your daughter visit you behind bars now, what example are you going to show her by doing that?.” In a matter of a flash of a second, the finally thin string came undone. Before you could do anything you felt a pair of hands pull you away quickly. “You need to leave now.” The more assertive voice came from Ran looking at Ms. Yamaguchi.   You wanted to rip her eyes out. The false accusation of sleeping with Rin and that d/n wasn’t Ran's daughter. Ran was pulling you towards the office you needed to clear your mind. He wasn’t going to let you make a fool of yourself because of someone's jealousy. As he opened the door to his office both you and him went in. Ran could see the anger in your eyes, you couldn’t even talk. Feeling so upset your eyes began to water up. “Stay in here.. I will be back.” Ran walking out of his office. He saw Ms. Yamaguchi walk towards him. He had enough of her games. She stuck her nose in too many times and it was the final straw. “I told you to leave.” She raised her brow “Really Ran?” “You insulted the mother of my daughter” his hands were in his pocket. “It shows how ugly of a person you really are..” She was taken aback by the comment made to her “Excuse me?” She felt like that was worse than getting hit. “She would never be half the woman I am.” “That’s where you're wrong, you can’t compare to __________. What can I say you were only there when needed to relieve stress. Freely opening your legs as I came and went.” Ran's voice was cold as ice. “If you thought there was a chance of me being with you, you were sadly mistaken. Beauty only gets you so far…. I don’t wanna see you here anymore. Get out before I have security escort you..” Ran turned and began walking away leaving her almost dumbfounded by his response.

You were leaning against the desk, your foot tapping on the ground. Your arms were crossed when you heard the door opening the music emitting from the outside your eyes saw Ran coming in. Closing the door, he let a low sigh “I know she is my daughter ________. I never doubted it for a moment." His hands rested his pocket as he walked towards you. “Are you okay?” 

“Ran…you know I never did anything with Rin or anyone while we were together.” 

“I know,  I know… I made sure she wasn’t going to come here again. I just wanted to have a good time with you.” Ran felt like any moment he had with you someone fucked it up. His hand reached for your cheeks brushing the tear away. His hand didn’t leave your face. When he saw your face it began to flash back to a specific time where he saw you like this compared to other times you cried. “_____”

His hand was gentle against your face, he was close to you. Something about Ran in this moment made you feel comfortable and so familiar, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Just like a strong magnetic, he was closing the gap between you both his hands reaching for the other side of your cheek. Your lips pressed against his, Ran hands still cradling your face before they drifted down to your lower back.  The tip of his tongue lightly brushes against your lip allowing him access to your wet canvas. His lips were so familiar and yet so comforting. They always have been a weakness of yours. His lips were drawing you in for more, Ran could feel your hands reaching for his jacket grasping onto him. 

The music was still pounding on the outside of the room. He sat you on his desk not breaking from the kiss. His large hands slide up and down your thighs. “I need you” he was trying to catch his breath. His fingers are already brushing underneath your dress. “My queen, let your king take care of you right away.” 

‘Fuck fuck fuck.’  You kept repeating. Your eyes traveled down to the large bulge in his pants. Your own arousal was turning you on and pushing any kind of negative thought was gone. Your hands gravitate to his buckle undoing it.  The hem of your dress is being pushed up. Your thong is being pushed to the side. His cock was throbbing and aching to want to be inside you for so long... You could feel the smile tugging on his lips as he kissed you. Feeding into his ego seeing just the small makeup session got you the moment you. He slowly slid inside of you, the deep grunt coming from him has his shaft filling your warm tight cunt. His lips locked with yours as he began to thrust into you “Ran~~~ Ran~~~” You were panting between each kiss. 

“You don’t know how much I missed you saying my name like that.”  Ran brushing off your straps from your shoulders as he exposed your breast. “I missed all of you ______.” His kisses began to travel from your cheeks to your neck. 

At this point you didn’t know if you were just letting the words slip out due to lust. “I missed you too Ran. Fuck~~~~” you tremble whispered looking up at him. The moment he picked up his speed he saw your eyes rolls back for a moment. 

“God I love you so fucking much.” panting as his mind fills with a pure craving for you.  Just the way you were responding to him was just like he remembered. “tell me you love me ______. Stop denying it.” his fingers trailed to your thighs gripping them  “Say it”

“I-I” you were trying to think clearly and it was hard. “I love you Ran,” Ran in the moment of lust and a sense of relief he kept repeating he loved you. You were wrapped around the three words as you kept repeating them to him back. You were the only woman he fell deeply in love with. The mother of his precious daughter, the woman he still planned to have a future with. 

 “Fuck your so wet”. His eyes glance down to his cock sliding in and out of your sweet pussy. Your cunt kept sucking his cock in. “I missed coming inside what is mine. It feels like you want me to fill that cute little pussy of yours.” 

“Don’t pull out Ran.” You whimpered pleading into your fetish of wanting to be filled up to the brim.

“Is that a request?” He cooed slyly as he looked at you “Beg for me to fill you up, come on tell me, pretty girl.” He slowed down his thrust. 

“Ran~~ please give me your~~ c-cum~~” you cried out. “Attagirl, one more thing…… Tell me who you belong to.” pulling your thighs slightly up causing you to slightly lean back on the couch. His cock inching deeper and deeper inside of your constricting cunt. “ngh~~~”  you were messing up some of the papers on the desk. Knowing he would use this against you. 

“Say it ______.” the possessive behavior came from Ran as he was fucking you. “You Ran”  the rush of heat filling your body shuddering of euphoric bliss. Your vision became foggy that moment when you looked at him you saw him with his long black and blond hair and the tender loving smile each time you both made love. Reaching to pull him down slightly towards you. You kissed him again not wanting to break the kiss.

Ran sunk into the kiss along with thrusting still in you as you held your closer. He is rapidly thrusting into your tight cunt and sending him into a thrusting frenzy trying to chase the familiar rush sensation. Flexing his jaw tightly, the warmth of his cum plunges into you deeply. Letting out a shudder moaned as he began milking his cock in and out of you.

He felt at home his knee was going to give up in a matter of seconds. Taking a few deep breaths “I love you ____.”

“I love you too Ran.” 

Seeing you makeup was slightly smeared; he didn't want you to go out like that and people know what you did. You both began to make yourself look a bit more presentable. He runs his fingers through his hair as he watches you look into the mirror fixing your makeup. There was some form of doubt you both had been thinking right now almost like you couldn’t believe you both had sex a few minutes ago. You saw Ran walking towards you through the mirror.  The comfort of his arms wrapping you from behind his head slightly buried in the crook of your neck he closed his eyes briefly softly whispering between your skin  “I love you more than anything.”

“I know you do Ran… I don’t have a doubt you do.” Just in that brief encounter right now you weren’t over him either. How easily you said I love you back to him without a doubt in your mind.  Still, that part of you didn’t want to say it back because of other situations happening. With the break-in at your home, the woman who envied you from the moment you met her, to Draken…. You criticize women about sleeping with different people but you slept with your closest friend and then the father of your daughter in a short period. You were being a hypocrite and it started to weigh in on you.

Picking his head up slightly he looked at you in the mirror seeing the almost lost look on your face as the pressure was weighing in on you like a ton of bricks. “______.”

“Yeah.” Looking at his violet eyes through the mirror. 

“I know you love me. Just a few minutes ago how you said it was just like before.”

“I’m not denying it Ran I just…there is a lot to take in that is happening…I just want to leave.”

He didn’t argue but agreed to take you back. His arms were removed from your waist. When both of you were ready to leave his office the blasting of the music hit you both. You looked around the club and didn’t see that woman around anymore. Walking out of the VIP section you tried to maneuver out of the way with Ran. A sudden chill went up your spine as if someone’s eyes were piercing through you, looking around but there were so many people. In the back corner of the club near the bar you saw a man with piercing yellow eyes, in his hands was a clear glass inside the glass was a dark liquor thinking it could be bourbon or whiskey. That moment you made eye contact with him almost stopping you. Something about his demeanor was off. By himself in the corner of the club, the distinct hand tattoo you saw that said punishment. When Ran felt you slightly slow down he looked at you, seeing your eyes in a direction. “______.” He called out through the music.

Snapping out of it when you looked at him. “Sorry I don’t know what happened.”

“Are you sure?” 

You looked at the corner of the club once more and he was gone. “Yeah.”

Proceeding to exit the club getting into his car. You got a text from Rindou along with a photo of your daughter starfished out on the large king mattress.

Rindou: She is out, she stole my bed. T-T If she isn’t her father’s daughter.

You couldn’t help but smile. Ran could see the smile tugging on your lip and the glance at your phone of his daughter knocked out. “She is definitely your daughter.”

He smiled “yeah she is.” 

Getting back to Ran’s place. The home was quiet; it made you feel a bit at ease knowing that d/n was secure with Rindou. Ran began taking off his jacket, “I’m going to head into the shower then get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” Nodding at his response. He wanted nothing more than to ask you to join him. His hand reaching for the back of your head he leaned in pressing his lips against your forehead. He walked off toward his room.

Walking to your room you placed the bag down on the bed. Taking off your make-up, thoughts pondering into your mind. Just the kiss on the forehead made you feel relaxed. Maybe your next action was questionable you felt like you had no control over your own thoughts. Opening the door up you walked toward his room. You could hear the shower on. Entering his room he was already in the shower. Before stepping into the bathroom you began to undress. Standing bare naked in front of the bathroom door you opened it. You could see the foggy glass on the shower glass door. Rans back facing you he mustn’t have heard you come in. When opening the shower door Ran turned around to see you entering the steamed shower. His eyes trailed your naked frame before bringing his eyes back to yours. Both of you take a step closer, your body pressed against one another. The warmth of the water hits you both. Just the silence alone for the both of you was more than enough to know what one another was feeling. Just the taste of him made you hooked

Your fingers grazed his thigh till your fingers reached for his semi-hardened cock. Ran letting out a shallow breath as his eyes still focused on you. Stroking his cock slowly, feeling him twitch in your hand as she began to get harder. Ran leaned in kissing your lips, his hands sliding down your back gripping your ass cheeks firmly in his hands.

“I thought you wouldn’t have wanted more so soon?” lightly panting as you continued to stroke him. Your body pressing against the cold wet tile wall. Ran's hands gripping your thighs effortlessly lifting you off the floor. Your legs wrapped around his waist “I wanna feel your bare body against mine.” he cooed softly. “I would be lying if I said I didn't want to either…. Just don’t drop me.” 

“I wouldn’t do such a thing, you're too valuable to drop.” pressing his lips against yours. The tip of his cock slid in so easily as he held onto you. It would be sometime before you both left the shower. 

~~~~~~~~

On the other side of town, Draken was having drinks with Mikey and a few others. Letting them know what happened. “Do you think Ran could have set this up?” Mikey asked.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did because of what he found out... But if it’s a way to try and win her back I'm not backing down like that.” Draken took a drink of his beer. “She sounded frustrated on the phone. I even offered to let her and d/n stay at my place but she declined. I don't know all the details but I will see her in a few days. I told her if she needs  something to let me know.” 

“Ran is going to have her on a close scope. Highly doubt he would let her out of his sight for too long… Still, you know what might happen if she is there too long..” Mikey said. “I'm not saying she will but there is always the possibility.” “I know…” Draken kept getting flashbacks of multiple scenes with you “I know there is something there between me and her there always was something now that it is out in the air I’m not letting go.” ~~~~~

“Ran you can’t mmmm no more cum can fit inside of me ~~~~” Your hair was still damp he had to sprawl out on the couch, the incubus inside of Ran couldn’t control himself he couldn’t stop. The cum was dripping onto the sheets, even if he was feeling tired he needed to fill you just one more time. “Come on baby girl just one more time for Daddy.” he held the back of your thighs pushing them to your chest. “Take all my cum.~” he glanced down at your swollen cunt that had both of your juices on it. In the back of his mind, he may have another alternative motive to fill you up this much but he wouldn’t say it out loud. If it happened once it could happen again.

But if it happened would it be the results he wanted or someone else’s results? IF IT HAPPENS

to be continued....

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[blankwashed]

Content Warnings: 18+ stuff here, ddlg (daddy dom, little girl), broken family, pretty rough sex, Toji himself should be a warning-

You let out a big sigh. It was probably the hardest or easiest essay you have ever gotten academically. It was an easy question for the rest of your classmates as they were happily writing away about their parents or guardians, thinking about the happy holidays and birthdays that they have received throughout their life.

15 minutes have passed and your paper was still blank, without even a paragraph structure. What could you write about your father? Sure, he wasn’t your actual father per se but your mother married him ever since you were a child so that counts, right?

At the age of 6, your mom kept going out on Friday nights, leaving you to be taken care of by your aunts and uncles. She would leave until it was Sunday night when she picks you up and brings you home. In the mind of a little child, you figured she went out for work purposes but in reality, she was going on dates with a special man whom you would eventually call dad.

Sometimes, she leaves you at home with food already prepared and brings him over. Of course, she would place your toys around the television and goes into the bedroom with the man. As you were innocent, you thought that they were both talking about business as your mother always looks pleased whenever she comes out of the room. A little tired, but a smile on her face.

This went on for 2 years until she came to you saying that you’ll finally have a father figure in your life. Of course, he was your father. The striking, muscular, tall man built like a soldier. Sometimes he made your heart beat faster and louder when he was around the home minding his own business. He watched you grow up into the gorgeous and pretty girl you are now. Attending teacher-parent meetings when necessary, signing documents and being your personal chauffeur whenever you and your friends wanted to go for outings to malls.

Behind all of that, you kept a deep and dark secret from everyone. Something you would not even tell your best friend or even a fly.

“Nyah! Daddy, sore from P.E. class yesterday! My teacher asked us to run laps and I think I overdid myself-“

He thrusted himself deeper into your dry pussy while his fingers were forming quick circles around your clitoris.

Sure, he filled the gap in your mom’s life when your actual dad left. But that wasn’t the only thing he was filling. Toji isn’t blind or stupid. Maybe a little out of his mind but as a man, he watched you grow up. Breasts forming, hips enlarging. It would be a lie if you say you didn’t secretly touched yourself thinking about him.

“No buts, bitch. Today was a hard day at work and the only thing that could make my day is your tight pussy. Mmm, thankfully it’s still tight,,,,,” He pushed himself deeper multiple times while playing with your clit. You were in pain due to the lack of foreplay and you remembered an idea you had in school during Arts class.

It was always something you’ve wanted to try. Running towards your school bag, rummaging through all your utensils.

Found it. A thick flowy strip of red ribbon.

“C‘mere daddy, let me decorate you before I feast on you,” smirking while tying a beautiful ribbon around his leaking hard cock. “Look daddy! It’s giving me a reward for making it look so appealing~” you said, referring to the trickles of pre-cum dripping.

Toji was about x years older than you. This wasn’t the first time he saw a chick gawking (no pun intended) at his length. Obviously that was also the way your own mother knew that he was the man for her.

“Getting creative, are we? Let daddy reward you for giving our play-time a little more effort,” he says lowly while playing with your left nipple with his tongue. His big hands always perform wonders on the rest of your body while his prize winning cock was busy elsewhere on your body.

Your moans were and are melodies to his ears. You weren’t big on being able to form sentences while getting fucked silly, however…

“Please daddy! I-I’m your little dirty slut, make me come daddy! I need it, I NEED you! Daddy…” you tried to touch your clit with your fingers but they were swatted away by his hand.

“When has it ever been about what you want, toy?” he spit on your pussy, and started to rub vigorously. It was in no way pleasurable and it hurt.

You knew he was doing this on purpose and knew that it wouldn’t get better if you kept disobeying his commands. With both your mom and Megumi away, he made you sit on the family’s dining table. Pushing away everything that could be in the way of him and you.

He pushed you down, readying himself to slurp on his wet, awaiting treasure. You were still a mess, moaning and screaming his name. “Daddy please, don’t make me wait any longer, please daddy,,,” your toes start curling and you could feel the long awaited climax reaching.

“Cumming daddy!!! Shit, I fucking love you-“ you screamed as you came while holding onto his broad shoulders. Your mind was as if it was in a different world, a world where Toji, your step-dad was yours. Where you didn’t have to hide your feelings towards him and you could touch him romantically and sexually in public.

so fucking horny for toji, are we???? (we as in me)

[delicatefury]

Please pray for my family. Two days ago we lost my great uncle and yesterday we lost my Aunt’s second husband.

My great uncle passed away in public beside his wife. She’s understandably distraught. My younger aunt and her family are taking his daughter home to help.

My older Aunt’s husband was supposed to have several more weeks, if not months, and passed suddenly yesterday right before my mom came to visit. My Aunt is… she’s not taking it well. She’s lost two husbands in less than 10 years and her coping method is to run away. My mom stayed with her last night,

Please pray for my family, my Aunt and Great Aunt in particular, that they may find comfort and consolation in this time of grief and still find joy this holiday season with the family we still have.

And pray for the repose of the soul for both my Great Uncle Charlie and for Allen.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

[gailstorm]

Long post ahead.

Yesterday, we moved my grandmother into assisted living. I’ve been up here in Pocahontas for most of the week helping my mom pack and spending time with my precious MiMi, who had multiple strokes at the end of last year and cannot take care of herself anymore.

And she’s been looking forward to moving into her new place. It’s back in her hometown of Jonesboro, where some of our family still lives. She has multiple friends and old neighbors that are in this exact facility, and she makes new friends as effortlessly as breathing. My mom is staying with her there for a few days, and said that she’s doing well so far.

I know this is the right decision, and that she’ll be happier and safer. But the change has been surprisingly emotional for me. It’s not a shock that she moved, because she was talking about wanting to do this even before her strokes. She is 92 years old, and has experienced the worst moments of her life while living here. I completely understand her wanting to leave.

I stayed here by myself last night, which felt strange and hollow. For most of my life, my grandparents lived in Jonesboro. I was far more attached to those two houses than I am to this one, which they moved into back in 2010. Being here alone feels shockingly lonely…and I’ve lived by myself (with a dog) for several years. But this place—MiMi and PaPa’s house—is supposed to be filled with family.

I should be able to hear my hard-of-hearing PaPa’s booming bass explaining this year’s crop yield, my Uncle Bobby’s wall-shaking laughter, my Aunt Becky’s always-reserved, quiet alto as she cooks the best meal you’ve ever had. But they’re all gone now.

In less than a two-year timeframe, the three of them passed away. My uncle first, dying of an undiagnosed heart condition in his sleep at his home near Seattle. After being informed of his death, my mom and I joined my aunt up here in Pocahontas to break the devastating news to my grandparents. Witnessing the worst moment of their lives is one of the most heartbreaking memories of mine. Just two months later, that same aunt died of cancer, which was diagnosed about a year beforehand. My MiMi was adamant that she was going to be with Aunt Becky as she passed, as she wished she could’ve been with Uncle Bobby. She held my aunt’s hand as she drifted away while in hospice care.

This was January-March of 2020. My grandfather had developed dementia before this point, and my family could no longer take care of him ourselves…especially after the two aforementioned huge losses. We begrudgingly put him into a nursing home down the road from the Pocahontas house, and my MiMi visited him every day. COVID protocols soon hit, and she was only able to talk to him on the phone and see him through a glass window. The guilt of putting him there overwhelmed my MiMi and my mom, but it was unfortunately necessary. I think my mom still regrets it.

I moved to Texas in January 2021. I had to move to a large city for my then-job, and I loved Austin, so that’s where I chose to go. I hated leaving my family during such a difficult time, but they encouraged me to go live my dream. My PaPa even joked that he would drive down to Austin and see me.

His health deteriorated as the months went by. At the end of November that year, he passed away with my MiMi by his side. He was 93 years old, and held out as long as he could. He was easily the strongest man I have ever known.

I came home for his funeral, wishing that I could’ve been there with him as he passed on, or with my mom when she heard the news. During this time, I learned that due to the skyrocketing housing costs in Austin, my rent was going to go up an extra $600 per month. There was no way I could afford that, and my job agreed that I could work from Little Rock instead. A part of me hated moving back, because I loved my little apartment. My precious dog, Marley, had passed away months earlier from pneumonia while we were out there, and it somehow felt like I was abandoning him as well as my dream home in my dream city.

Being back near my family for the last two years has been the right decision, but it’s also been tough. One of my nieces has been in and out of the hospital with anorexia for nearly these entire two years. She’s been completely inpatient since last August.

Dealing with all of the aforementioned losses, plus my niece’s health, plus my lunatic brother’s violent threats, plus my MiMi’s strokes and deteriorating mental health, I don’t know how my mom even functions. My cousins and I help her with everything, of course, but she’s so fucking tough that she usually wants to do things herself, her way. I’m looking forward to her being able to finally relax knowing that my MiMi will be safe and happier than she has been in years.

So at this moment, I’m here alone in this half-furnished house, reminiscing. My cousins and I will take turns staying up here and fixing things until we sell it. I’m not mourning the loss of the house itself (as I did with my grandparents other two homes) but the fact that the concept of “MiMi and Papa’s house” now ceases to exist.

I’m lucky to have had my PaPa for 37 years of my life. I’m lucky be nearly 40 and still have my MiMi. She’ll be 93 in August, and though she stays positive, she has mentioned that she’ll be glad to be with my aunt, uncle, and grandfather again, as well as her other friends and family members who have passed. She’s not ready to pass on or give up, but she has no fear of death. I selfishly want her around as long as possible, and her chance of a happier, longer life is now much more likely with her move to this new facility.

These past four years have been fucking awful for my family and myself, but hopefully, a positive new chapter is now (finally) beginning.

[gloriousclio]

wedding roundup

yesterday was my brother's wedding. i had been kind of dreading it, but there was only one "when's yours" and they were a drunk friend of my brother's so like, who cares. As a rule, I am not close with my brother so, and the friends he had when i was a kid... really sucked. One of them... well, I'll tell you by the end of the post.

BUT:

i got about a million compliments on my dress and Look from so many people, including a bridesmaid

I mean, they were right:

-the photographer told me to put my hand in my pocket and spin. I was born for that moment. High low dresses with horsehair lining are going to be a thing for me now, that dress can move.

-the photographer also was in love with Bampa's mustache, which is correct. That mustache is legendary, he curls and waxes is every day, and has since the bicentennial in 1975. She took a picture and promised to put it on her insta, lol.

-Nana had some back handed compliments, and at brunch this morning told me not to talk with my mouth full (which, it wasn't and my dad's cousin K had just asked me a question so I covered my mouth and offered a one word answer to K if anyone cares). I nearly fucking snapped.

MEANWHILE:

-GRANDPA MACK is recovering from a respiratory illness and had to go to the hospital on Friday night/Saturday at 2:30am. Luckily his oxygen levels went back up but he was sick and full of anxiety (my superpower is commiserating with him about our anxiety disorders). So my Aunt J1 picked grandpa up at the hospital and brought him back home to get ready. Where Aunt J2 was trying to get DATTA ready. She has advancing dementia and was convinced that the wedding was "tomorrow". How the Aunt Js got them both ready is a miracle.

Other comments:

Distant cousin J: "Katie, you're a dancing machine!!"

Correct. I also complimented her dress and blazer combo: "I love this blazer, it makes me feel like Hillary Clinton." I FORGOT THE ILLINOIS COUSINS WERE BROADLY SAFE!!!!!!!

And then her dad spun me out on the dance floor (we forgot how long "Freebird" was, haha). He.... well, I have complicated feelings about this "uncle". It's hard, my dad lost his brother T in 1980, but even before, he was tight with this cousin and a third cousin (who sadly passed away - I think he purposefully mismanaged his diabetes but he also had a major drinking problem so....). But when those cousins are together, forget spending time with dad, he's with them.

But I didn't deny him a dance and I'm so glad I danced because I forgot that this cousin was a fucking teamster union leader and told me trump was the antichrist, that my parents are in the wrong, and that I'm not alone. I don't think I've ever hugged him that tightly. Jesus. How did I not cry?

All my mom's friends and one of her sisters also bemoaned to me about my mother's anti-vax stance. It felt like I had allies all night long. It was nice they told me. but maybe tell her some more

Cousin A had to check with my take on Yoko Ono before finalizing his own. "No one knows more about the Beatles than you, Kay-toy". He's wrong, but he's so sweet. (He's not that wrong)

I blew out my voice screaming along to Mr. Brightside. It was only a kiss IT WAS ONLY A KISS. God dammit, but I love love love dancing at wedding receptions, I always have. The cupid shuffle? the Wobble? Bust out the electric slide or even the chicken dance?? But it doesn't really matter.

My mom kept trying to get me to dance with someone I went to high school with. Good god, mom, try and be a bit more subtle. We talked for a minute. R asked me out once and I thought he was joking. I probably shouldn't have laughed at him. In my defense, I apologized when I realized he was not joking. I still didn't want to go out with him though. He still seems very nice and I always knew he could dance, but. You know.

Earlier in the night, I told cousin B and her bf to keep a certain groomsman away from me. He... I don't want to tell you what he said about me to my brother, that my brother came and told me laughingly. Because it was so funny! (It was actually really painful). I've pretty much avoided him ever since and was very cold to him when he said hi to me early in the afternoon. Luckily I was always surrounded by family except for one moment:

And he apologized for being such a shit. He was maybe a little drunk, but insisted that he was so sorry, that my family was such a good influence, and that he'd always looked up to me. Words about my good heart and convictions, even when I was hard. How kind I was, how I care about people, even when we were young, and I'm pretty much always right. And he was sorry. He also said he was sorry to apologize at a wedding but it's not like we see each other.

I thanked him. But it was a lot.

it was a lot

And I had already switched back to water by that point! Unfair!!! I told B almost immediately and her look of shock and slight outrage was exactly what I needed. I'm still unpacking it. I didn't sleep very well last night (to say nothing of the drunk crying bridesmaid in the hotel corridor and the dog barking in the room across).

Other stuff happened! Nana took a fall! Her son and daughter-in-law hated the non-church wedding and that they took a shot instead of doing a unity candle! They had a picture of dead uncle at a memorial table and Aunt S cried! MY LITTLE BROTHER GOT MARRIED!!!

Anyway, I have therapy tomorrow! Buckle up, Jeanne!

[multimilfs]

Elizabeth Collins x Fem!Reader: Good Behavior

Summary: ghostsunderstoodmysoul sent... Elizabeth Collins + 36 -- "You were put on this earth to give me a headache."

AO3

Prompts found here!

A/N: To this day, this is one of my favorite Michelle roles. I think it's just so fun. Also I need you to know that when I saw the number and the character I was SO EXCITED. It's the perfect combination for her character!!!!

Full Ficmas List

Tag List: @escapetodreamworld @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @multifandomfix

Warning(s): None

You’re sitting at the long dining room table, flipping blindly through the newspaper for something interesting. Carolyn is half-sprawled a few seats away on your left, eyes closed, head bobbing. The chair groans and squeaks as she shifts her whole body the longer the song goes on. 

The coffee in your cup makes you wince with every bitter sip. Someone—Barnabas—had been asked several times to get milk at the store, which he forgot, along with a whole manner of other things. You haven’t worked up the energy to make the trip yourself but you and Elizabeth both made the decision that Barnabas is not to be trusted with family errands; you’re not entirely sure why he was trusted in the first place. 

Carolyn hums a few chairs away as the record player goes quiet, spinning and crackling, before another song starts. The girl is up and out of her seat as the first note hits her ears. She sways and dips, making you raise your brows, but ultimately you turn back to the newspaper. 

“Good morning.” A quiet voice comes from your right. 

You jump. Dropping the paper onto the table reveals David. He silently takes up a seat, dark curls flattened on one side and pajama set rumpled. You grin and resist the urge to lean over and ruffle his hair. 

“Morning, David,” You say, “Sleep well?” 

He nods. His eyes are focused intently on the bowl in front of him as he goes through the motion of fixing his cereal—though it isn’t much, without the milk. 

“I saw my Mom again last night.” 

“Sweetheart, your Mom moved on, remember?” You say gently. 

A shadow comes over his face. You wait, sipping at your coffee, every painfully bitter sip infusing your bones with warmth. David has struggled separating dreams from reality as of late, mentioning conversations with his Mother like they happened just yesterday. It pains you every time you have to remind him of the truth. 

He lifts a spoonful of dry cereal to his mouth and nods. You almost regret having said anything. 

“Yeah,” David says, “It was a dream. It felt real.” 

“I know. She was with you for a long time, so that’s only reasonable.” 

“Do you think she still is? Aunt Liz says she—” 

Carolyn cuts in violently, “Will you two shut up? This is the best part!” 

David goes silent and drops his spoon into the bowl. He pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms securely around his legs. You breathe deeply and take a moment to gather your patience. Despite her outburst, it took Carolyn no time to return to her dancing. 

You level a heavy look her way, but she doesn’t notice. It’s only a few days until the full moon now. You can blame her temper on her magical affliction all day, but you’d be wrong to ignore how she has methods of coping with her anger to use rather than blowing up. 

Clearing your throat, you push your chair back from the table. 

“Turn it off, please, Carolyn.” You request. 

It goes ignored. 

“Either you turn it off or I will.” You say. 

That earns you a reaction. She groans and turns, teeth bared. David flinches away from the display of her elongated canines and yellowed eyes. You just stare back. The challenge makes her growl, deep and low in her throat. 

It’s an impressive display. Unfortunately, Carolyn is all bark and no bite. You’re not going to bend to her performance. 

“God!” She shouts, finally breaking, “You’re the worst!” 

Carolyn turns off the record player and stomps out of the room, huffing the whole way. She passes Elizabeth coming in on her way out. Her Mother turns as if to say something, before thinking better of it. Elizabeth is still shaking her head when she comes to sit beside you. 

You lean over and place a fond kiss on her cheek. It earns you a warning glance. The paper you discarded on the table catches her eye and she tilts her head, taking in the headline. 

“What was that about?” Elizabeth asks finally. 

All too aware of David still listening at the table, “I’ll explain later. Sleep well?” 

She did. You know that because you sleep next to her and she was snoring—rather obnoxiously —when you woke up. 

“I did,” She says. She pours herself a cup of coffee before glancing over at your cup, “Black coffee this morning, dear?” 

“We still don’t have milk.” 

You motion to David, who has returned to eating his dry cereal, and Elizabeth sighs. Two fingers pinch the bridge of her nose. It makes you chuckle into your coffee. 

There’s a grocery trip in the very, very near future. But you have to make sure Elizabeth is distracted before you attempt to leave. She’ll fight hard to go with you, but you can see the strained look in her eyes, her smile not feeling completely authentic. 

You’ve made it your mission that Elizabeth spends the day relaxing. No errands, no business, nothing. All of it will fall to you; you’ve made sure that any calls from Collins Cannery are held until tomorrow and any bright ideas Barnabas may get are brought to you instead. You even went out of your way to restock her macrame supplies. 

“We’ll go after breakfast.” Elizabeth decides. 

Lucky for you, you’re already done up for the day. Elizabeth has forgone her makeup for breakfast which leaves you just enough time to slip out of the house. You’ve also made sure to hide the keys in case she catches on.

She doesn’t, though.

After breakfast, she leaves you with a small kiss, and ascends the stairs to your shared bedroom. You wait a good thirty seconds before fishing out the car keys from a vase near the door. 

David catches your exit and his brows furrow. You don’t resist the urge to ruffle his hair this time, to his dismay. He frowns at you through an abundance of curls. The action reminds you how young he still is. Emotions welling in your chest, you kiss his forehead. 

“Tell your Aunt Liz I’ve got groceries covered and that she should do some macrame while I’m gone.” You relay. 

“...Okay.” 

— —

Elizabeth stands in the doorway when you return. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she looks displeased, but not truly; her frown isn’t deep enough. You flash her a smile when you turn off the car. 

“Get some macrame done?” You ask. 

“You were put on this earth to give me a headache, you know that?” She says, ignoring your question, “I come downstairs and David tells me I should go do macrame. He didn’t tell me where you were, I didn’t realize until I saw the car was gone.” 

“You know what cures a headache?” 

“Don’t.” 

“Macrame.” 

“I despise you.”

“If that were true, I wouldn’t live in your house… or sleep in your bed.” You point out. 

Elizabeth glares, “You can just as easily sleep on the couch.” 

“You’d miss me too much, Lizzie.” 

She turns around and closes the door behind her. You hear the heavy lock click into place on the other side. The groceries in your arms feel much heavier. Carefully balancing the brown bags, you round the house to the back door, only to find that locked too. 

Damn her. 

You try to do one nice thing for her and she kicks you out; Carolyn’s mood swings must be an inherited trait. It seems you’re going to wait on the front porch until her mood blows over. 

Turning to head back up front, you hear the lock click, and the squeal of the hinges as the door opens. David stands in the doorway with a small smile on his face. That isn’t a good sign. 

“Aunt Liz said not to let you in until you learn your lesson.” He says. 

“Oh, yeah?” You say, “Then why open the door?” 

His smile widens. 

“What’s your price?” You ask. 

“I want ice cream for dinner.” 

You try not to wince. Elizabeth will never go for the idea, but your arms are aching. The only way inside is to agree and risk pissing her off more. 

Maybe, you think, you can smooth things over. She’s kept you around this long, hasn’t she? 

“Fine,” You agree and he lets out an excited yes! before you hold up your hand, “but it has to be tomorrow night, I don’t want to stress your Aunt out anymore today.”

This time of the month she’s already bogged down dealing with Carolyn, so where usually she’d find ice cream for dinner amusing and playfully scold you, it could possibly mean hell over the next few days. You have to be careful about this. 

“Okay!” David agrees. He opens the door and lets you through. 

You drop the groceries on the closest available surface. 

No sooner have you done that than Elizabeth appears, arms crossed over her chest, lips pursed. David walks by as if he wasn’t the one to let you back in the house. Once he’s passed, you offer her a smile. She raises a brow. 

“You should be relaxing, honey.” You advise. 

Elizabeth reaches into the bags and begins to unpack them. 

“I’d relax more if you wouldn’t sneak off.” 

You laugh, “Would you have actually let me go this morning, Liz?” 

She says nothing. 

Putting the eggs and milk away is very interesting all of a sudden. You try to hide your knowing grin, but when Elizabeth glares, you know you’ve failed. 

You kiss her sweetly on the cheek. She’s impossibly cute, even when she’s annoyed. 

“I know you, sweetheart,” You add, “You need a day off.” 

“I take days off.” She argues.

“When was the last day you took, hm?” 

“I–” Elizabeth starts, only to pause. You can practically see the gears turning in her head. Finally, her face settles into a frown, “I’d have more time to take days off if you all behaved.” 

“You mean if Barnabas behaved.” 

Of the Collins family, Barnabas is by far the worst behaved. It forever astounded you that your werewolf step-daughter had more decorum than the centuries old vampire. It’d astound Elizabeth too, if she wasn’t the one handling the fallout. 

The people of Collinsport had been more amiable to Barnabas’... affliction than you’d expected. When you hadn’t woken up the morning after the fires to a mob outside the dingy hotel room you were staying in, you were amazed. They had even helped you all rebuild—the house, at least; the bones had survived, being made primarily of stone, but the insides… a lot had been lost, but a lot had been saved too. 

Collins Cannery had been a completely different beast. 

Luckily, Elizabeth had been smart enough to set the business up with insurance this time, rather than relying on old family funds. Barnabas had made his first very blatant error when he—badly—hypnotized the insurance adjuster into fudging a few numbers. 

You swore up and down that you thought Elizabeth was going to tear her hair out when the threat of a lawsuit came around. Thank god for plausible deniability. 

Since then, Elizabeth had taken on the bulk of the Cannery work, attempting to make sound business decisions while dodging accusations of foul play on Barnabas’ end. You’d been fortunate enough to sit in on a meeting where Barnabas had loudly proclaimed that he only engaged in dishonorable play. He was promptly removed from the board after that. 

“Do you think Barnabas would take offense to us sending him on a short vacation?” Elizabeth asks, face contemplative. 

“Why not a long one?” 

“David enjoys having him around.” 

You nod, “Short vacation it is. And when our dear cousin is on this vacation, will you finally take that break?” 

Elizabeth looks over her shoulder with eyes full of amusement. You know the answer without her having to say it. Smiling, you saunter over to the phone, dialing a well-known number. The line rings before you’re connected to someone on the other end. 

Smiling and throwing Elizabeth a wink, “Hi Delia. I’ve got a quick question—where did you say you sent your Mother-in-law last week?”

[ohsilverplease]

Cw death & illness

My uncle W passed away today. He’d been in a long, slow decline from MS, and as much as we have said he’d probably be better off dead than trapped in a failed body with a coherent mind, I still cried in the grocery store when I got the text from my mom.

W was my dad’s sister’s husband, but since they’d been married long before I came along he was just family. He was sharp and funny and kind, and so goddamn good-natured even though he was facing a cruel diagnosis. He was so good to my grandmother, his mother-in-law, good to his wife and sons and daughters-in-law and grandchildren.

When I was 22, Jess and I flew to England and when I came back I stayed with them in Ashburn for a night before my parents came to pick me up. Aunt P was at work, I’m not sure why W didn’t have to go in that day, but I’d kind of stayed hiding out half-sleeping in the guest room, and he yelled up the stairs that he’d gotten me a breakfast sandwich from Burger King. I don’t remember what kind but I remember he got me his favorite, just ordered two instead of one. After that I just brought my book downstairs and read on the main couch instead of hiding out anymore.

He grew up in the same town as my dad, and they all went to the same college, Dad and P and W, and I went there too a few decades later. One year I was at an alumni employee lunch, and they had old yearbook photos scattered across the tables as centerpieces, and at my table Uncle W’s face smiled up at me from 1975, and I was so delighted. I stole the centerpiece and next time I saw him I showed it to him, what a small world. I think I still have it somewhere.

We saw him a couple of weeks ago, for his birthday, the five grandchildren running wild in their little assisted-living townhouse, all of us piled into the sickroom to sing happy birthday and take a family photo. For years I thought every time I saw him it could be the last time, and this was no different. A wry comment about the grandkids disturbing his peace, a scoop of ice cream because it was easier to eat than cake.

I’m sad for our family’s loss. I’m sad for his kids and grandkids and my aunt. I’m sad he spent his golden years deteriorating due to disease, and that she spent her golden years changing from a wife to a caregiver. She sounded so depressed and resigned on the phone yesterday, with no updates and only this certainty that he would pass soon. But I’m also so impressed by their strength, individually and as a couple, their commitment to their marriage and each other and their faith. I wish no one else would have to go through this. I hope he is finally at peace, and the family finds peace of their own.

[a9saga]

i mentioned this but my grandfather passed away last week. he was 95. my grandmother died in february of 2021 and it's really something that he made it that long without her at his age. they were married 69 years and had 7 children and 21 grandchildren, as well as 11 great grandchildren now with two more on the way. his wake was wednesday night and the memorial mass and burial were yesterday.

my auntie cindy married my dad's oldest brother i believe 50 years ago now. they were high school sweethearts. she knew my grandparents since she was a child, so did the rest of her family for that matter. my grandmother or sometimes my father used to mention a boy in the neighborhood who had unfortunately died very young of a drug overdose. no one outright told me this but i put together when i got older that that was cindy's brother. this is to say of all the in laws that cindy was well acquainted with my family for the longest time, and my family with hers as well.

some months after my grandmother's death, that spring or early summer, cindy had sent out a letter to everyone recalling growing up around my grandmother and marrying into the family, maintaining that relationship for decades. she mentioned something her brother used to say that my grandmother would often quote when cindy wasn't around. she closed the letter with, "i just wanted you to know that i loved your mother like she was my own," which i think was always very evident. cindy's own mother had passed away somewhere over a decade earlier. 4 or 5 years ago diana and i were over her house with our mother, cindy referred to a picture of her mother in the kitchen and said "i talk to her all the time." she's not religious, if that makes it any different. she and everyone else in my family were raised catholic but if you ever get on the topic with her, she thinks the bible and christianity and everything are a load of bullshit. but regardless she does speak to a picture of her mother, which i think is pretty interesting. but i digress.

at the wake, there was a line to the coffin with my grandfather in it. cindy's a sociable person. i got in line behind someone i didn't know. a lot of family friends showed up. cindy came and started chatting her up and she introduced me, and then she told me she'd gotten in line about 6 times but shied away from actually paying her final respects. i was like, wanna do it with me? and she did. so we kneeled before the coffin and she caressed the rosary in his hands, and when we got up i mentioned how much i appreciated her letter in 2021, and it took her by surprise. she said she had wanted to read it as a eulogy at her mother-in-law's funeral but she and my other aunt ended up in a bad argument around it. neither of them are perfect, to be clear. that's not why i'm making this post and i don't plan to elaborate on that.

but anyway, after the burial yesterday everyone went to lunch. i could tell all of my dad's siblings appreciated having each other after both of their parents have died. last weekend my dad and his brother that he's closest to went out to lunch because both my mom and aunt thought they needed it, i know first hand my dad has been very down in the dumps about everything. but anyway, after lunch yesterday when cindy was saying goodbye to me, she rubbed my chin and said "thank you, that was so sweet of you to bring up the letter about connie last night. do you know you had me crying on the way home?"--i don't think i have ever seen cindy cry.

[rose-lily-hale]

Hey guys I might be on sporadically for awhile...

On top of the personal matter from the other day causing so much stress, my aunt passed away yesterday. She had been having medical problems for a few months, so stayed the night with us Thursday because she didn't want to be alone and she felt horrible. We woke up yesterday morning and she was having trouble breathing so I called an ambulance (our hospital closed down so ems has to transport out of town/closest hospital is 35-40mins) even though she was terrified of being alone the emts weren't allowed to let me ride. Sadly her heart stopped in route to the hospital, they got a feint pulse back two times and got the cardiologist in but unfortunately none of the measures worked.

So on the other stress I'm helping plan a funeral, but also watching over my mom because she already has depression and she was very close to her sister that passed

So if you notice a difference that's what going on 😞🩷

[never-not-ever]

How’s it going? Thinking of you

Hmmm it’s going, thanks for asking 🖤.

The day shift (7am-3pm) 1:1 ended on Friday but like mid shift. Over the weekend it was so nice at 7am to shut my door and be able to actually sleep without the door open. Albeit I’m still on 5’s but the towel on the door makes it harder to hear it open so often.

Yesterday she took off the night shift 1:1 (11pm-7am) so now I’m only on the 1:1 during the evening shift. She was going to take me off it all together but this afternoon I’m seeing my mother…

So a little back story:

My mother lost custody of me when I was 2. My Nana and my Aunt raised me. My Aunt was like my mother figure. My Nana was always the stern one, always angry, never was the lovey dovey type. She loved/loves me and is so supportive but there was just never that maternal love. My Aunt on the other hand.. we’d watch tv on the couch and my head would be in her lap and she’d brush my hair back. She passed away when I was 19. I watched her take her last breath and then afterward I climbed onto the bed with her and took her dead hand and brushed my hair back one last time. Morbid huh?

Anyways growing up my Nana (who had legal custody of me) allowed me to try to have a relationship with my mother. It started out with exchanging Christmas gifts in the car then being able to go out for the day with my mother. Which my mother took advantage of and decided to sneak me to her one room place (literally just a room). Of course as a kid I was going to do whatever she thought was right. And I remember it was nice during the Summer not having to find places in town to cool off or use the bathroom. Doesn’t sound that bad right? Except this place was crawling with cockroaches. And when I would shy away from them she’d scold me cause I was making her boyfriend “feel bad”.

Years later she moved to my town and got an actual apartment and I would visit and stay overnight. It was then that I realized she was still using drugs, the reason she lost custody of me. My mother being out of her mind, thought that after all those years I would want to live with her. It was then that she started talking badly about my Nana and Aunt, the people I went home to. They never talked badly about her. They let me see and find out the type of person she was for myself and that was when was I decided to cut off contact with her for good.

That was, I think the summer after my freshman year of high school, so I was maybe 15 years old. Fast forward to winter of 2013/2014 and my mother was living with her sister/my Aunt and my cousin. Our mothers are sisters and my Aunt who raised me was adopted. Funny how the good ones die. My cousin had a baby in November 2013 and I spent so much time at her house that a winter. Naturally I’d have to see my mother and exchange a few words. One day I called her by her first name instead of mom, and she replied with so much anger and hatred “Donna? They trained you well”. To which I said “they? My real mother is dead”. And she replied in a completely opposite tone “I know baby, I’m so sorry about Auntie, I wish it was me instead”. That back and forth emotion was just too much.

That’s the last real conversation I remember. And that was about 10 years ago.

I’m seeing her later. Here. At the hospital... Last week I was talking to my doctor and I said “can you imagine if my mother came here as a patient” and she said “I think your mom should come here, for a visit”. I laughed. She said she was serious. I thought about it for a second and replied with seriousness that I’d think about it. Which didn’t take much thinking. I’m on a 1:1, I’ve been in the hospital for almost 6 months. I’ve thought about it before, reaching out, trying to have a conversation and see what happens. So why not do it here? I’m in a safe place surrounded by idiots that care about me.

This just goes to show just how much I like my doctor for me to have agreed to this. Even though I just said how I was thinking about it before, it’s been a while since I wondered about it and definitely did not think it would happen in here.

It’ll be good to get this over with but I am petrified it’s going to set me back.

[watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees]

My other half

the very first chapter of this story

tw: implied kidnapping, captivity, implied domestic violence, starvation, shock collar use, manipulation, lady whump

There was a clumsy knock at the door. When Claire’s mom opened it, she found Lucas standing on the porch, trying to adjust a bouquet of roses. He was Claire’s partner of a few years, fiancé of a couple of months. It wasn’t out of the ordinary that he showed up at their doorstep, when Claire spent the weekend home, to surprise her.

“-evening Mrs. D!” he smiled following a passing look of confusion as to why she was the one opening the door “I thought I’d drop this off” 

“Luke, what a surprise! Is Claire coming home later then?” she asked, reaching for the flowers.

“I don’t know, I haven’t talked to her today, I just wanted to surprise her, it’s really hard on her that she can’t help out with all the renovations”

“All that stress! She really shouldn’t take on this in her state” she took a step back  “Come on in, you can wait for her inside”

“Did she say when she’s gonna be back?” Luke asked as he stepped over the threshold into the hallway.

“No, last week we agreed you two would come over this afternoon together, with all her things” he could barely hear the end of the sentence, because his soon-to-be mother-in-law was already in the kitchen, presumably continuing with where she left off doing the dishes.

“Last week? Didn’t she say anything before she left today?” he yelled as he took off his shoes.

“What?” he sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Didn’t she say anything today?” he repeated.

“What do you mean?” she looked up at him, just as confused.

“Before she left today?” he tried again.

“Left? She wasn’t here” Luke frowned.

“She came over yesterday afternoon. Didn’t she?” They stared at each other for a long moment. Claire wasn’t at the new place with Luke yesterday. She wasn’t at home either. 

Luke put the flowers down on the kitchen counter and grabbed his phone from his pocket to start calling Claire.

“She’s not picking up” he stared at his phone as it went to voicemail. He dialled again. Claire wasn’t in the best shape the past few weeks. She had violent nightmares almost every night, sometimes she was barely able to tell reality from dream. Once she fell down the stairs at their new place, almost breaking her arm, but getting away with a bunch of large bruises. Noone knew what set all this off, that’s why she was advised to move back in with her parents, because they could care for her better than Luke, who beyond his studies at the medical college worked part time at an electronics store.

Or at least she was supposed to move back.

“I’ll try to call as well” Neither of them moved from the kitchen for a good long while, leaving calling and calling, leaving voicemails after one another. When Claire’s dad got home from work, he joined as well “I’ll call her therapist” he suggested. Luke called around her friends, although she hasn’t spent much time with them lately, and he had a feeling suggesting Claire isn’t with her friends, he had to try.

“We have to call the police” her mom whispered finally, her face white as a ghost. Luke and his father-in-law agreed.

The dispatcher picked up on the fourth ring, and asked what they can help with. After a brief introduction to the situation, they advised the family to come to the station to provide their statements so they can report her missing. 

The first time it was said out loud, that Claire is missing, it made no sense to any of them. As days went on, its reality set in. She was nowhere to be found. 

The dingy old car pulled up to the house with unmistakable noise. He stepped out, and slammed the door in, with no care in the world. He was in the middle of the forest, at his great aunt’s property. No civilization in any direction for miles.

It was rather cold inside, as he opened the door he made a mental note to bring some firewood inside later. He hung his jacket next to the door and headed inside. Took a quick glance at the empty living room and turned right, fumbling a bit with his keys he opened the door to the basement.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” he addressed the girl lying in the middle of the room. She shuddered as she heard his voice, but didn’t seem to have enough energy to answer or move.

He walked downstairs, and crouched down next to her, checking on the chains keeping her from moving away from the middle of the room where a hook was installed in the cement.

He petted her head gently, trying to coax some kind of reaction out of her.

She was lying on the concrete floor for days now without food or sleep. There was a shock collar on her neck that went off periodically keeping her up. She was at the point, where she'd seen more things that didn't belong there than she perceived reality.

"Hey, I asked something" he laughed softly, but stopped petting her head to reach into his pocket for the remote to the collar. She twitched in her whole body, when she breathed in to try to answer, granted she already forgot the question.

"I-i-i, don-know wha-what-sh happening" she stuttered barely audibly.

"Can you tell me who you are?" the voice asked from above. Something changed in the voice, but she couldn't make out what, she barely understood the words.

"I'm, I'm..." She did not remember. All she knew was the cold concrete under her body and the cold blue eyes watching from above.

“That’s alright, love” Luke hushed, almost proud of her. He unlocked the chains around her limbs and lifted her up. 

She was laid on something soft, something that smelled familiar. It was good. She heard a click and her collar was lifted from her neck, leaving the skin vulnerable under it.

"You can rest now, sweetheart” he cooed into her ear softly "You will get something to eat tomorrow too" And she finally closed her eyes, immediately falling asleep.

He just watched her. She was so pure, sleeping on the bed buried under the sheets. She seemed dangerously thin and fragile, but she was perfect now. He was honestly intrigued to know how much she'll remember, when he let her recover for a while. He couldn't take her back to their place again, which he did a few times before, when he brought her here. She was officially missing. He was leading search groups every evening he could manage, while also spending time with her parents, he was her fiancé after all.

[miras-ash]

Chapter 9 of "Just as the stars love the night"

Mira's pov

"Liz? Lizzie!" Someone shouted from the other side of the large helicopter cargo bay and came walking quickly toward us. It was Hibana. She dropped to her knees beside me, gently took Eliza's face in her hands and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs.

With moisty eyes, she then looked at me.

"Why is she so cold? Why is she still unconscious? Mira what's happening to her?"

It was the first time in months that I saw her so upset and it made me anxious too. Thank God Doc came to the rescue.

"She's weak and Finka gave her an adrenaline boost to get her through, her body is exhausted. When we get to Nighthaven, we'll know more."

"Why Nighthaven? She has to go back home to us, right?"

Obviously Yumiko was a little out of it, or so it seemed so I took her in my arms to comfort her, that was something I had to remind myself lately, Yumi and Eliza were like sisters. Of course it was just as hard for her as it was for me. Even though I wanted to stay with Eliza, I trusted that she was safe so I took Hibana and sat with her a little further away. My arm around her shoulder, she leaned her head against mine and closed her eyes and I closed mine.

I really didn't want to fall asleep, but I was so damn tired.

When I woke up the last ones were packing up everything and leaving the helicopter. I rubbed my eyes and looked around, she was gone. I jumped up and ran, only to bump directly into Yumiko and Jordan.

"Where is she, where did they take her?"

I quickly tried to run past them but didn't get very far because they stopped me together.

"Mira you need to calm down, they took her to the infirmary right away, she's probably already in surgery. Remember she is in good hands. Gustave will take care of her himself and Nighthaven has fabulous doctors too. There's nothing you can do now anyway."

And that was the problem, I was once again powerless. Anyway, this was all my fault, if she hadn't left instead of me, I would be lying there now fighting for my life.

"That's not fair. She didn't deserve that."

Somewhat confused, they both looked at me.

"Of course not and that was never the point. She was just damn unlucky but at the same time incredibly lucky, after all she's still alive and back with us now."

Now it was up to Yumiko, she took me in her arms and hugged me tightly and it felt incredibly good.

Together we went inside where Ela was waiting for us, she led us to the common room which was a bit crowded because Nighthaven and Rainbow Operator met there together. What an unusual sight. Yesterday we were two rival almost enemy units and today we had worked and sat peacefully together.

We sat down at a free table and took off our still wet and cold armor. That would have to do, I would have plenty of time to change later. Someone handed out hot coffee and tea to everyone and small groups formed which now chatted boisterously with each other. Again and again, my old and new colleagues came by to inquire about me and wish me well, which drove me crazy and again and again I looked at the clock. Time passed so incredibly slowly.

Suddenly a small bright scream, startled I looked over to the door. Pulse was standing there, holding little Maho in his arms, who hurriedly came towards me and threw herself into my arms.

"Aunt Lena!!! We haven't seen each other for so long. Dad told me that you are here and also mom and Jordan and.... And then... And there are soooo many here!"

She barely managed to put it all into words. She jumped around on my lap and looked at me with big, shining eyes.

"And Dad said that Auntie Lizzie is here?! He said something really bad happened and that's why everyone thought she was gone forever but it was all just a big misunderstanding. He said she is really sick and she has to go to the doctor now."

It was all a bit much at once, I loved Maho but I was overwhelmed. How could I explain to a child what had happened? I could hardly handle it myself.

Yumiko probably saw what was going on and took her daughter in her arms.

"Hey baby, Aunt Lena is really tired. She's been on duty all day and is just waiting to see Auntie Lizzie and then it's off to bed for her. Speaking of bed... What are you doing here?"

Maho blushed and tried to avoid her mother's gaze.

"I was supposed to be sleeping, but I was so excited so I snuck past dad and when he caught me I said "please" until we got here."

Yumiko gave Jack a quick glance and then turned her attention back to Maho.

She's grown so much in the last few months and seeing her now brought out feelings of guilt in me. Only half a year ago she had been with us so often, stayed over, been on trips with us but after Eliza's supposed passing I had withdrawn too much, had no time left except for work. Damn it! Another thing I had screwed up.

The room emptied more and more from hour to hour. Meanwhile it became three o'clock in the morning and except the small kitchen radio it was quiet. Most of the people had already gone to bed, Kali had also provided rooms for her guests. After all her base was big enough.

Only she, Hibana and I were still there, waiting for something to happen. Another hour later, there was a knock on the door and a visibly exhausted Doc was standing there. I jumped up and went to meet him. The other two followed my lead.

I imagined the most horrible things, he would say she had not made it and that they had done everything but it had not been enough in the end. I felt dizzy, I had been awake for almost 30 hours now, apart from my little nap in the helicopter. I hadn't eaten anything since then either and the stress. I closed my eyes and tried to brace myself for the worst. Doc's voice just barely got through to me.

"It wasn't easy, but she'll survive."

[callsigndragon]

Yesterday I stood in front of my grandma's coffin. It's red. Different. Outstanding.

Just like she was.

Everybody remembers her as the funny woman she was. She was always smiling. It didn't matter how many bad moments she went through during her life. She always kept smiling.

She used to say 'that everything could be fixed but death'. And I just nodded not understanding the real meaning behind her words.

My grandma lost her youngest daughter 21 years ago. My aunt was only 25. She was sick, and maybe depressed, because she didn't try to fight against it. She let the illness win. Grandma knew the pain of losing someone you love, someone you've brought into this world. That's why she knew that everything could be fixed, but death.

That was the last day my grandma cried. She was only 50. And she couldn't shed tears. It's like they've dried out.

It has been raining since she passed away. Funny, isn't it? It's the only thing I can keep thinking about.

That and how she appeared in my dreams the night before she left. Look, I don't believe in the supernatural things you see on TV, but I've had my fair share of 'experiences' to know that those who are gone, come to us from time to time. My aunt visited me this last Halloween. My mom posted on Facebook and told her sister to 'come pay us a visit' (i don't use this social media so it was impossible for me to know that she wrote that). She touched my neck on the 30th. Then pushed a door I was leaning to on the 31th. She pay a visit to me, her favorite niece. She used to say that i had 'apple cheeks', and called me that as a term of endearment.

That's why I knew that dreaming about my grandma wasn't a coincidence. I don't usually dream with relatives or friends. If i do, it usually means something.

In this dream, it was my grandma's funeral. We were sitting in the car, and she was next to me. Nobody else but me could see her. She was smiling, she had a peaceful expression. She was free. But only I could see her. When i woke up, i knew that she would be gone before the day ended. And I was right.

I talked about this with my mom yesterday, when we were left alone with the coffin (it was closed all the time, don't worry). My mom smiled at my words and said: "She came to say goodbye to the person she loved most in the whole world"

Grandma I know you can't read English, so I'll switch to Spanish now.

Gracias por darme fuerzas para seguir adelante cuando pensaba que todo estaba perdido. (Thanks for giving me the strength to fight when I thought everything was lost)

Eres una de las principales razones por las que no me rendí. (You're one of the main reasons why I didn't give up)

Sé que estás cuidando de Nani ahora. Has cuidado durante muchos años de nosotros. Gracias. Gracias por ser mi ángel. Gracias por decir que soy la nieta más guapa de la ciudad. Gracias por estar orgullosa de mi, aún cuando yo no creía merecerlo. Gracias por hacerme reír. Por tus abrazos. Por tus besos. Por tus tartas de galletas y tu pollo frito. Por los sábados de tacos. Por ser la luz de mi vida.

Gracias por ser mi abuela.

Te quiero. Siempre.

I know you are taking care of Nani (my aunt) now. You have taken care of us for many years. Thanks. Thanks for being my angel. Thank you for saying that I am the most beautiful granddaughter in the city. Thank you for being proud of me, even when I didn't think I deserved it. Thanks for making me laugh. For your hugs. For your kisses. For your homemade pies and your fried chicken. For taco Saturdays. For being the light of my life.

Thanks for being my grandma.

I love you. Always.

[pens-swords-stuff]

Just dumping some of my thoughts here because I don't have anywhere else to put them. Not looking for advice, just looking to vent, scream into the void and maybe some support if anyone is willing.

Trigger warnings: Death of a family member, grief, hospitals, COVID, proceed with caution.

Reblogs are disabled to keep this on my blog, but comments are welcome.

I actually found out that my grandmother was dying yesterday. It went very quickly from "she's going to stay in the hospital for a bit" to "she only has about 5-6 hours left before her death."

As a lot of you know, my family is in Japan whereas me, my parents, and one of my uncles live in America so we weren't able to be there. My aunt and her family were there though, so they video chatted me and my parents so that we could see her again and talk for one last time. It was a pretty weird sight to see multiple people holding up phones to her while she was in the hospital bed. She looked so frail and weak, and she must've been in a lot of pain — they were holding off on giving her painkillers for a bit because she probably wouldn't wake up afterwards.

My aunt had to really encourage her to open her eyes to see us, but when she finally managed to, she saw me and the first thing she immediately said was how pretty I was. And that might be the very last thing she ever says to me.

The entire family was able to be there, half in-person and half virtually. At one point I was video chatting another family member and holding up my phone to my mom's phone so she could also be with my grandmother through two layers of videochat.

It turns out that my grandmother had cancer, and she didn't tell anyone that she wasn't feeling well because she didn't want to bother or worry anyone.

We were told at the time that once they gave her painkillers, she wouldn't wake up. She'd pass peacefully in her sleep, without being in pain. They didn't know when, but estimated it to be around 5 to 6 hours, depending on how much strength she had left.

Well, apparently she had a lot of strength left because she made it through the night and woke up. Her blood pressure was back to normal levels, and she's awake and alert and she pulled through.

I can't emphasize enough how amazing of a woman my grandmother is. She's in her mid-nineties, and she's never experienced any of the typical aches and pains of aging. She's never experienced hip or back pain, she kept really active as much as she could (she lived on the 4th floor of an apartment building that she owned well into her 70s. The stairs were ridiculously steep and there was no railing and it's enough to make any adult wheeze!), and she was always finding ways of stimulating her brain so that she could stay mentally sharp. She's also dainty and elegant like a princess, and loves dressing nicely.

This actually happened just yesterday — the day before my licensing exam. And I was so fucking scared of failing because I couldn't make my grandmother the reason I failed.

And I passed! I actually scored amazingly well despite the circumstances, but it's really hard to be happy about it when so much going on. Moving on with being licensed, transitioning into a new job... It feels really weird with everything happening right now. I've always been avoidant and anxious about it, but this is making it ten times worse and all I want to do is hide in my bed to keep everything away. Because if I don't leave my bed, the day can't start, and if the day doesn't start, nothing bad can happen.

(Despite what I might sound like right now, I am actually very functional and am handling this well, don't worry. Staying in bed past noon when I don't have anything to do that day is one of my indicators that I'm feeling really anxious. And these days my internal clock wakes me up really early, so even after procrastinating leaving my bed I actually get on with my day around 11 or sometimes 12, and I'm currently unemployed so it's not like I'm missing anything important. I'm doing fine. This is just my rambly thought dump so everything sounds much more dysfunctional than it actually is.)

Right now we're in a very weird stasis of grandma is still alive, but we don't know what's actually happening. Because of COVID, no one is allowed to visit her, and the hospital is apparently short staffed so we're not getting a ton of updates. My cousin managed to talk to a nurse by chance when she was delivering some clothes and toothbrushes for my grandma, and as far as we know right now, she's alert and she's stable. But it also doesn't seem like there's a huge chance for recovery? I don't know the details but they're giving her painkillers, and are draining... something periodically, but it doesn't sound like there's any treatment happening.

I guess we're just waiting to see how long she holds on before she's ready to pass?

Part of me thinks that she'll be okay in the end. I really, truly thought that she would easily live past 100. Other part of me is already grieving.

It's so frustrating, because there's literally no point for me and my parents to go to Japan right now. Even if we did get there, we wouldn't be able to visit. My aunt, uncle and cousin were only allowed in yesterday because they really thought that this was going to be the end.

And what's even more frustrating is that I haven't seen my family in Japan for five years. We had tickets to go to Japan in May of 2020. COVID stole away at least two summers that we would've been able to spend with my grandmother. And what makes it worse is that these were my last summer breaks. I was in grad school. I had the summer off; I wasn't working or taking classes, I was legitimately on summer break and goofing around doing nothing productive.

But now, I'm about to start my career! I accepted a job that I was really excited about and I'm going to start really soon. And it's going to be really hard to take extended time off! (I'm already negotiating a couple weeks off in August for a nonrefundable trip, which will make it even more difficult to ask for more time off in the first 3 months of my employment if something happens). It was my last chance to easily spend a month or three in Japan, and the pandemic took that away. Even if I hopped onto a plane right now and went to Japan, I still might never see my grandmother again because visitors aren't allowed due to COVID.

Also it's a busy time for flights to Japan right now because everyone goes in the summer; there are almost no seats left and the ones that are, are ridiculously expensive. My family doesn't have a ton of money; it would be worth it, but it would also be really difficult to make ends meet if we bought tickets. One ticket would be tight but manageable, but not three — and if we're sending anyone, it would be my father, since it's his mother.

it just really, seriously sucks right now and the timing of everything going down just makes it worse on multiple levels because it's giving me a lot of "what ifs" and "if onlys".

The emotional roller coaster has been wild over the past 36 hours, and I just want to get off.