#and 3/5 of their episodes are so LAME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sadquickchristmassnowman · 6 months

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hey so i’m new to the community fandom and i really love trobed. i was wondering what was your trobed centric episode masterlist like? or if it’s possible, is there a way to send me the post? sorry i’m new to tumblr so i’m still learning how this app works. if you see this, thanks :)

hi, welcome! I've found that community tumblr is probably my favorite fandom space I've ever been involved in, and I hope you've had a good experience so far. I totally get the New App Learning Curve thing, I'm historically very shit at learning how to use new apps, even though I'm "young" (20), but I eventually got it and you will too, Trust 👍👍👍

anyway, Yes one of the first things I did on here after joining was make a trobed-centric episode masterlist for someone who was asking lmfao. since it was one of the First things I did there's some formatting and other things I'd do differently now, and I've actually been looking for an excuse to go ahead and get that done, so. here we go.

the trobed-centric episode masterlist (revamped)

1x05: advanced criminal law

plot B

abed takes the "friends mess with each other" rule too far; he creates a whole fake language and spends a lot of money on trying to convince troy that he is an alien

"from now on, abed, friends don't mess with each other"

(this is the first time they do their signature handshake)

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic

1x10: environmental science

plot B

it's the "somewhere out there" episode what more do I need to say

3/5 gayness, something's happening fs

1x11: the politics of human sexuality

plot C

abed keeps beating troy in athletic competitions, making troy feel threatened. he eventually admits that abed is the better athlete and they make up

2/5 gayness, pretty platonic but it has its moments

1x22: the art of discourse

plot C

troy and abed work to complete abed's list of quintessential freshman year of college experiences list

2/5 gayness, they repeatedly put completing the list above looking cool in front of women

1x25: pascal's triangle revisited

plot C

troy is moving out of his dad's house and wants to move in with abed, but abed says no because he's afraid being that close and spending that much time together will result in constant annoyance, and will destroy their friendship

troy realizes that "too much of a good thing can be bad" and instead agrees to move in with pierce

1/5 gayness

2x02: accounting for lawyers

part of plot A

jeff gets sucked back into his old life as he reconnects with alan, a coworker from his old law firm. troy, abed, and annie try to gather proof that jeff's friend is the one who got him fired in the first place

more trobedison centric, and is actually the first episode where the three of them are established as a Trio™

"all I heard was suck" "YOU CHLOROFORMED THE JANITOR" "I usually have one foot out of reality and even I'm freaking out right now"

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic. they're the sillies ever I love trobedison

2x06: epidemiology

part of plot A

it's the zombie episode, come ON

trobed have coordinating costumes but troy bails during the party because he doesn't want to look lame and nerdy in front of women, which hurts abed's feelings

abed sacrifices himself to save troy once they are the last two standing during the "rabies pathogen" breakout

"I love you" "I know" (oh my GODDD sedate me)

5/5 gayness. you get it.

2x09: conspiracy theories and interior design

plot B

the original blanket fort 💯💯💯

2/5 gayness, just guys bein silly (and in love???)

2x15: early 21st century romanticism

plot B

troy and abed fall for the same girl and decide to take her to the valentine's dance together, after which she can decide which one of them she wants to date

she picks troy, but troy gets upset that she didn't pick abed (because why wouldn't she pick abed, he's so cool) and breaks it off almost immediately

I"happy valentine's day" "it is now"

5/5 gayness jesus christ this one is INSANE

2x18: custody law and eastern european diplomacy

plot B

britta likes troy and abed's new friend, lukka, who she finds out is a literal war criminal. she keeps this information from troy and abed because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship with him, but they find out eventually

2/5 gayness they're attached at the hip in this one

2x19: critical film studies

random moments

this episode is more focused on jeff and abed, but there's a lot of classic Troy Gets Jealous™ moments so I decided to include it. plus the end tag is them randomly having dinner together at the fancy restaurant (a date 😔)

basically troy is afraid that jeff is a cooler friend to abed than him

3/5 gayness even though they barely interact, troy is so silly

2x20: competitive wine tasting

part of plot B

I almost didn't include this one, and it's not even on my original list, but whatever

troy pretends to be traumatized, originally to seem less shallow in his acting class, but he keeps it going in order to attract britta. he tells abed about it and abed Does Not Like That At All

"troy. nothing good can come of this"

I wouldn't call abed being jealous a Rare Occurrence but he generally conceals it way better than troy does

2/5 gayness, could be interpreted as abed just worried about relationships forming under false pretense, but to Me he's jealous

2x22: applied anthropology and culinary arts

plot C

pierce buys the rights to troy and abed's handshake (a la Indecent Proposal) which "corrupts" it

"pierce tainted our special handshake with his blood money and now we can't get the magic baaaack :((((("

eventually they do indeed get the magic back

3/5 gayness idk there's something about the way they interact in this one that is inexplicably gay to me lmao

3x01: biology 101

plot C plus random moments

"speaking of figuring things out, me and abed have an announcement" "..." "troy and I are living together :D"

cougartown gets moved to midseason, then cougarton abbey ends after 6 episodes, abed's routine keeps getting thrown off, and troy is just extremely supportive and protective throughout

4/5 gayness troy loves him a lot!!!!!!

3x03: remedial chaos theory

random moments

(I know this ep is listed as 3x04 on streaming services but in canon it takes place here and on the dvds it's listed as 3x03. there's a joke about it in the episode too if you didn't know. anyway)

"troy and abed's new apartment!!!" "bienvenido a la casa chez trobed!" "wanna stay up all night talking in our bunk beds?"

all their pictures on the wall and their matching suits lol

the end tag "evil troy and evil abed" & troy's soft "what's wrong :("

3/5 gayness they're lowkey married your honor

3x05: horror fiction in seven spooky steps

random moments

troy's whole story he tells where they Literally become attached at the hip

"my partner"

troy dancing while abed's humming daybreak

2/5 gayness

3x06: advanced gay

plot B

troy deciding whether he wants to do plumbing or air conditioning and deciding all he really wants to do is watch tv with abed

gay symbolism? gay symbolism? gay symbolism?

4/5 gayness mostly for the conversation at the hawthorne wipes gathering. I could write an essay on just that

3x07: studies in modern movement

plot A

annie moves in with troy and abed. very trobedison centric

"kiss me woodsman troy!"

3/5 gayness once again casually in love they're soulmates your honor

3x09: foosball and nocturnal vigilantism

plot B

annie breaks abed's $200 special edition dark knight dvd set on accident, trobedison shenanigans ensue yippee!!!

"awww is that the grappling hook I got you for christmas???"

3/5 gayness for the same reasons as before

3x10: regional holiday music

part of plot A

literally putting this on here just because of the christmas infiltration rap (and baby boomer santa)

3/5 gayness it's glee club what can you do

3x11: contemporary impressionists

plot A

(once again, I know this episode is listed as 3x12 on streaming services, but in canon it's supposed to chronologically be here, and is listed as 3x11 on the dvds)

the study group helps abed pay off his debts to a celebrity impersonator website by playing characters at a bar mitzvah (after troy scolds them for trying to ground abed in reality)

they have an argument at the end ugh

3/5 gayness troy loves abed a lot and abed doesn't realize that he's doing something wrong

3x12: urban matrimony and the sandwich arts

plot C

(see the above disclaimer about episode order)

troy and abed decide to be normal for shirley's wedding rehearsal

troy and abed being normal 🤝

4/5 gayness they blow off a girl to be weird again

3x13: digital exploration of interior design

plot C

blanket fort: redux (oh god)

vice dean laybourne escalates what started as a minor disagreement in order to drive a wedge between troy and abed. it works

5/5 gayness, if a sitcom doesn't have the two codependent fanonical gays go through an unnecessarily dramatic "break up" then I don’t want it

3x14: pillows and blankets

plot A

🎶troy and abed are in conflict🎶 *cries*

pillow fort vs. blanket fort

they eventually make up but not before they hurt each others' feelings a Lot

5/5 gayness the dramatics jesus christ

3x16: virtual systems analysis

random moments

so this episode is more focused on abed and annie, and troy and abed actually don't Technically interact with each other very much at all, but. you know

abed kinda freaks out when troy and britta go on a date because it "messes with the fabric of the group" (🤨 I know what you are)

troy calls annie to "check on abed" boy you are on a date with a woman

4/5 gayness just from subtext you get it

3x17: basic lupine urology

random moments

troy and abed play detective as they try to figure out who sabotaged the group's biology project

"we can't both do the zinger"

4/5 gayness no explanation

3x19: curriculum unavailable

random moments

the study group is expelled from greendale and abed gets arrested for spying on campus, so he's supposed to have a psychological evaluation

troy is just very protective of him in this episode, plus the flashback clip where he and Annie are comforting him as he's freaking out about daylight savings

"our adventures are VERY manly"

4/5 gayness

3x21: the first chang dynasty

random moments

oof baboof with you two! (all the plumber shenanigans are hilarious)

mostly putting this one on here for the goodbye scene at the end of the episode, though. god

"he said, 'I know you hate when people do this in movies.' sorry I got emotional"

3x22: introduction to finality

plot B

abed "goes crazy" without troy (who's off at a/c repair school)

when troy comes back he prioritizes abed over britta (who he supposedly has romantic feelings for)

"I miss abed so much" "you're afraid you'll go crazy without troy"

4/5 gayness one could say they're a little codependent

4x03: conventions of space and time

plot A

troy gets jealous of (read: goes "psycho girlfriend on") abed's new inspector spacetime superfan friend toby

britta, even as troy's literal girlfriend, calls abed troy's boyfriend and supports troy through the whole thing

"for the first time in my long history of being locked inside things, I knew someone would come" let me just put my head through my wall really quick

5/5 gayness even though troy has a whole gf. that's how gay this episode is

4x11: basic human anatomy

plot A

troy and abed pretend to switch bodies, like in freaky friday, in order to help troy process his feelings about his relationship with britta

5/5 gayness holy SHIT y'all. I could write thousands of words on this episode. it is so hard to justify troy's actions in this one without reading him as a closeted gay person not lying

5x03: basic intergluteal numismatics

random moments

including this one because of how abed comforts troy and pushes him around in a wheelchair for the entire episode

3/5 gayness it's the casual married-ness again smh

5x04: cooperative polygraphy

random moments

this is another one I didn't include on my original list but I decided fuck it

the bit uncovering the actual origin of their patented handshake is so funny "I can't even look at you right now" "then you should know I'm crying"

also just the. look on abed's face when troy agrees to go on the trip at the end. "cool. cool cool cool." "that's a lie" UGHHHHH

4/5 gayness again. so typical

5x05: geothermal escapism

plot A

do I need to say a word

ouch ouch ouch OUCH

5/5 gayness especially the deleted dialogue from the last scene (I've posted it before but lmk if you don't know what I'm talking about. disclaimer it makes me want to launch myself off the empire state building)

alright. there it is folks. I was going to make another subsection of other random iconic trobed moments and cite the episodes they're from but basically every single episode has at least one, so that list would be Way too long to qualify as a supplement to this one lmao. however! if you have a Trobed Moment™ stuck in your head (or any Moment for that matter) and you can't remember which episode it's from feel free to ask me, I'm confident that my internal community database will be able to Remind You. anyway. hope this was helpful. bye

#did this instead of my heaps of missing homework assignments #I completely overbooked myself this semester but It's Fine haha #anyway #community #nbc community #community nbc #abed nadir #troy barnes #trobed #troy and abed #community tv #community encyclopedia

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kyriethesquishysquid · 8 months

Text

Betrayal Never Felt So Good (König/Fem!Reader) Chapter 2

You can find Chapter 1 here, Chapter 3 here, Chapter 4 here, Chapter 5 here, and Chapter 6 here!

Word count: ~6.5k

Rating: Mature

A/N: Use of Y/N and Y/L/N. Appearance of a feral and jealous Possesive!König. We get plot but no smut in this one, with some angst, feelings, murder, and comfort on top! Reader really just needs a hug right now. Reader is also morally grey and morally questionable. Continued COD and military inaccuracies galore. Don’t shoot me for not writing out any combat scenes please - I’m a smut/fluff/angst author, action is outside of my wheelhouse lol. Once again written in less than 24 hours so please forgive any mistakes!

TW: Non-consensual drugging, emotional manipulation, body shaming, and attempted assault from asshole #2. Cold-blooded murder (but done for “good” reasons so it’s fine right?). Canon violence toward others by König, hints at stalking, hurt/comfort. Pet names (in English and German), bad German translations bc I’m still a lame monolingual American, and STILL no beta because we die like jackass Graves.

Crappy Translations:

Ungeziefer - Vermin

Maus - Mouse

Mein schatz - My darling

Meine leibling - My love

Scheiße - shit

It had been two whole months since your “rescue” from KorTac and not a day had gone by where you didn’t spend it thinking of König. That man plagued your mind worse than anyone ever had before. Which was stupid, considering you knew next to nothing about him, except that he treated you like a princess and fucked you like a whore. Oh and that he was the colonel of a “technically” enemy faction and your relationship would be seen as treason. And yet, he was the first man you’d had any sort of connection to in years. The only one who seemed to know everything you needed and wanted by intuition alone, and you craved the opportunity to explore that connection further.

You tried to think of some way to reach out to him but there was never a plausible avenue. You didn’t know his real name so finding him online, if he even had an online presence, would be impossible. You couldn’t very well ask Graves if he had any information on him either, lest you get fired, or worse, murdered, seeing as the Commander did not have a reputation for being understanding.

As the hamster wheel in your brain spun round and round, your thoughts grew more desperate and unhinged. It wasn’t too much longer before your contract with Shadow Company was up anyway. You were heavily considering seeing if KorTac would take you after, which you felt crazy about, but you weren’t sure what else to do. Logic just didn’t seem to play well with your thoughts about König and it was driving you insane to not be in control of yourself.

You could only turn off your constant barrage of emotion when you were knee-deep in patients or allowed out onto the field to provide care; though even that had been happening less. “Don’t want to chance triggering a PTSD episode”, Graves had said. And yet, despite thinking it couldn’t get worse, life had decided to throw you another curveball. It came when you were given your first mission in weeks, being called across countries with a small team of specialists to Russia to protect a diplomat and his family while they were in the country. That wasn’t the bad part though. Oh no. You could handle travel and a safe mission for once. The part that tied your stomach into knots was the fact you were going to be serving along with KorTac. It took everything in you not to show the emotions you felt in the moment Graves had told you that, while the last time you’d seen the KorTac colonel flashing through your thoughts like a movie.

The shouting in the quiet bunker was your first sign something was wrong. At first, you tried to ignore it, snuggling closer into the big human-shaped heater against you but then there was a gunshot, and that got you both up. Instinctively, you knew what was happening before even stepping foot out of the room.

“They’re here, aren’t they?” you whispered.

An overwhelming sense of panic filled your chest as you clasped his hands tight, unsure of what you were supposed to do.

“Stay here,” he instructed you as he quickly crossed the room to his dresser, gearing up in a hurry.

“What? No! You can’t go out there! What if they hurt you?!” you snapped back.

König shot you a bemused look as he tightened his vest.

“They can try, mein schatz, but they will not succeed.”

While his cockiness was certainly attractive and you knew he could hold his own in fights, there was now a part of you that worried and ached at the thought of him getting hurt. Before he could leave, you caught his wrist and jerked him back to you, smashing your mouth against his.

“Be safe.”

“Y/L/N!”

The pain of being ripped from such a powerful memory was enough to make you stumble, nearly falling into the last man you wanted to see at that moment; Daniel Carter, your “savior” from König and KorTac. It took all the power in your body not to frown at the brunette smugly grinning down at you.

“Yes, sir?” you finally asked.

“You gonna get in?”

He gestured to the plane and you quickly stepped into the cabin, a hot blush coating your face as you walked down the aisle to find a seat near the exit but still far enough to not be at the very end. Your fear of flying wasn’t something you had to face often thankfully but, when you did, it was a tough beast to battle. Fortunately, your mind was easily swayed into other worries when you watched the rest of the teams climb onto the plane. One by one, they found a seat, until the last member boarded, his figure dominating the entire space with his six-foot-eight presence. You couldn’t help but watch as he walked by. Gods, he was even bigger than you remembered. The sway of his hips and spread of his gait as he walked left nothing to the imagination, and you found yourself staring unbearably hard at his thick ass and thighs until he sat down on the other end.

Fuck, this was going to be harder than you thought. Your heart had felt afloat water in stormy seas ever since the moment you’d seen him waiting with his team this morning. At first, seeing him made you feel like you were finally able to breathe again, but the way he pointedly avoided your presence dragged you back down into the suffocating depths of turmoil. You’d hoped it was just a show for the others around you, but then it became clear that your hopes were for naught. Twice you’d tried to get him alone, practically begged him to talk to you, only to be treated as if you didn’t even exist.

A tightness that had nothing to do with your fear of flying squeezed at your heart as your eyes dropped to your feet. Doubts began to pile up like a car crash. Maybe you were stupider than you realized. Maybe those nights had meant nothing to him. Maybe you were just another stupid conquest who had the gall to believe someone as high-ranked and enigmatic as König would actually want more than an easy lay. And, fuck, had you made it easy. Some nice words, a few sweet gestures, and a voice that made your brain melt, and you were putty in his hands.

Lips tilting down, you leaned back against the stiff seat and let out a long sigh. Maybe if you hit your head hard enough on the wall you’d break something, or at least get a concussion bad enough to be sent home.

“What’s up, toots?” Daniel asked, tapping his boot against yours.

You managed a half-assed smile and muttered, “Hate flying.”

He grinned and leaned over just enough to nudge your shoulder with his. It was minimal contact but it was enough to make your stomach hurt. While Daniel seemed nice enough, you’d been privy to too many conversations he and his buddies had when they thought they were alone in the medbay or canteen. While some of the absolutely disgusting things he’d said were enough to make you wary, most of your ire came from him being the one to sneak you out of König’s room.

“You’re a strong gal, you’ve got this. Just take some deep breaths,” he instructed slowly, “Here, gimme your hand.”

Before you could politely decline, he snagged your hand in his and wrapped your smaller fingers around his palm.

“Lean back, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and squeeze if you need.”

Just the thought of being that vulnerable in his presence, or really any of the men around you, made your skin crawl. But honestly, what else did you have to do at this point? It was about an hour flight and your mind wasn’t in a good place.

Giving him a little nod, you did as instructed and let your head fall back once more. After the first few breaths, you had to admit some of the tension was dying down.

“There you go. Atta girl.”

Fuck. Your heart lurched against your ribs as his words threw you into a very heated memory that you most certainly didn’t need right then - the way König praised you for taking his cock so well, how his lips brushed your ear as he said such sinfully beautiful words as his hands caressed your skin. Face warming, you tried to clear your head again, only to get disrupted by the sound of heavy feet stopping in front of you.

“Can I help you with something, sir?” Daniel asked, something akin to fear in his tone.

Who could he have been afraid of? Most everyone here was on good terms, or so you thought.

“Is there something that we need to know before we land?”

König. Jolting upright, you gaped up at him in disbelief as he stood there stiffly, arms crossed across his chest and eyes pinning Daniel down in earnest. God, that shouldn’t have been hot. You were supposed to be hurt, pissed at him, and yet the fire in his eyes as he stared down the other man was nothing more than primal.

“U-Uh, I’m not sure what you mean, sir,” Daniel stammered out.

You quickly jerked your hand from his and noticed that finally- FINALLY- those deep blues were focused on you for the first time all day.

“We cannot afford to have any distractions out there. I will ask again, is there something that we need to prepare for? Will your attention be divided?” König bit out.

It wasn’t painfully obvious but you could hear a slight inflection, almost anger, filtering through his tone.

“No, sir,” you retorted stiffly, “Private Carter was helping me with my fear of flying.”

“Correct, sir,” Daniel agreed quickly.

König let out a snide hmm before strolling back down the aisle to his seat. It wasn’t until he was fully sat that you relaxed in your seat.

“What the fuck…This is awkward, right?” Daniel whispered, “I mean, it’s weird for me but I can’t imagine how weird it is for you.”

Playing dumb, your eyes cut to him curiously and you asked, “What do you mean?”

He gestured weakly toward König and the rest of his team, and then at you.

“They quite literally kidnapped you a couple of months ago,” he muttered, “They killed a group of our men and were actively fighting against our mission, and now we’re expected to just get along with them?”

The guy had a point. Sighing heavily, you shrugged and leaned back.

“Yeah, it’s weird, but we do what we gotta do, right?” you murmured.

If only he knew the real reason for your discomfort. Eyes flicking up to the bare metal ceiling, you said a silent prayer that once you were on the ground, you wouldn’t have to be in König’s presence anymore. It wouldn’t do to be distracted, and lord knows you would be.

“Try to rest,” Daniel said suddenly, “I’ll wake you when we land.”

Any thoughts of arguing were wiped from your mind when the cabin shuddered through turbulence. With a shaky inhale, you closed your eyes and started counting back from one hundred. Even if you didn’t fall asleep, it would help with your endless anxiety.

…

“Alright, you’re good to go. Just try to stay off of it as much as possible until we leave tomorrow. Those painkillers will help the pain but the ligaments still need time to repair,” you sighed with a weak smile.

“Just glad it’s not broken,” he laughed nervously, “It’d suck for my first real injury to be caused by tripping in the dirt rather than by combat,”

You snickered in agreement at that. That would be one sad story.

“Remember, ice, elevation, and painkillers!” you called as he exited the room with a wave.

Turning back to your laptop, you started the final charting on the private’s file but it wasn’t long before you were distracted by someone entering the room. Dread filled the pit in your stomach when they didn’t instantly speak. So far you hadn’t seen König more than once or twice in passing this past week and you’d hate to break that streak right before you got to go home.

“Hey, Y/N, why don’t you head out for the night? I’ve got things covered here!”

Relief practically oozed from your pores as you heard the familiar voice of one of KorTac’s medical staff. Spinning around in the wheely chair, you found the redhead already opening her own laptop at the other desk.

“You sure?” you asked.

“Of course! You let me sleep in and took the first half of my shift, it’s only fair I let you out early,” she teased kindly.

Leaving early meant the possibility of running into the silent colonel, but it also meant you could actually enjoy the last night in the city. While it was a smaller area, it apparently had a decent nightlife, or so Daniel said. He’d caught you before your shift and practically begged you to join him and some of the guys out for drinks at the local bar to celebrate a job well done. You’d thought he was going to cry when you told him you worked late and couldn’t join.

“Girl, go! Shoo! I’ve got this.”

Flashing her a smile, you nodded and gathered up your things.

“Okay, fine, you win,” you groaned in faux frustration, “I’ll leave you be.”

She shot you a mock salute and turned dutifully to her laptop, fingers flying across the keyboard as she began to check charts. With one last nod, you grabbed your bag and hurried out into the hall. It was only eight thirty and the guys were going out around nine, so you had just enough time to change into something more sociable.

The instant you were in your room, you wasted no time digging through your duffle bag until you found a semi-decent outfit. Most of your clothes were for work but you liked to keep a few nicer things on hand for occasions such as this. After pairing a cute black peekaboo sweater with a pair of fitted dark-wash jeans that framed your thick thighs and ass perfectly, you slipped on your only non-work shoes- a pair of black ankle booties. From there, you hastily fixed your hair and put on a quick bit of makeup before rushing out the door.

It felt weird to admit you were kind of excited to hang out with Daniel and the others tonight. You’d never really been included much in things back home, being medical staff and not one of the “boys”, but ever since being here for the mission, Daniel had made it his primary objective to make sure to check in on you multiple times a day. A strange little friendship was budding and, somehow, you didn’t hate the idea. He’d been nothing less than kind, and now that you weren’t completely hung up on the colonel, you were losing your biggest reason for disliking him.

“Y/N! Whoa!”

Daniel’s yelp caught you off guard and you couldn’t stop the blush that formed when you saw the way multiple pairs of eyes raked up and down your form.

“Damn, you clean up nice, Y/L/N,” another private, Chad you think it was, said from beside Daniel.

“Uh, thanks,” you replied awkwardly, “So… bar?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniel said with a grin, “Hope you don’t mind but we’re walking because it’s only two blocks away!”

Nodding in understanding, you joined the group of five with a little smile, trying your hardest to keep your nerves at bay. It was chilly out. Nothing too horrible, but it made you glad you’d had the foresight to wear something warm since you had to walk in it.

“Hey, you know, Chad was right,” Daniel said quietly when he dropped to the back of the group with you, “You look incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than work attire.”

Damn it. It was much easier to hate him when he was acting more creepy and you were under the illusion he’d ruined your love life. Now… Now it was almost too easy to like him.

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” you answered, “You look nice too! Never seen you dressed down either.”

It wasn’t a lie. Daniel wasn’t a bad-looking guy, maybe a bit plain with short brown hair styled in the regulation cut, nice green eyes, and a big smile, but definitely not bad. It was just that your thoughts were always flittering around the almost seven-foot beast of a man in comparison and no one could compare to that.

The pink that dusted his cheeks only served to make him cuter and you were nearly groaning in frustration at the thoughts filtering through your mind. No. There was no way you were going to give in to those thoughts. It was just the pain of König ignoring you and the human need for attention making you think that way, you were almost certain.

“Ah, we’re here!”

The music from the bar was audible from the outside and it only got worse once you stepped in. He hadn’t been lying when he said there was a thriving nightlife. The small bar was packed to the gills, with just enough room to move around and get to the bar, bathrooms, or dance floor.

“Come on, I’ll buy you your first drink!” he shouted over the music.

Aw shit. You knew where that was going to lead. Before you could decline his offer, he snagged your wrist and nearly dragged you to the bar. You were given no choice but to order your favorite drink when he demanded so and the bartender stared you down with a less-than-patient glare. True to his word, he paid for your drink, and then instantly dragged you through the crowd without a word. Daniel led you everywhere like you were some lost puppy who needed direction. From the bar to the table, and then to the dance floor, you weren’t given a single choice in the matter up to the point of him practically pouring your drink down your throat.

Said action didn’t fly over well, the liquor bitter and stinging down your throat so quickly you had to reflexively cough to avoid aspirating.

“Jesus, fuck, calm down,” you snapped at him once you caught your breath.

“I just wanna make sure you can loosen up and have fun,” he replied with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry. I.. I just don’t want you to fall behind or anything.”

You couldn’t contain your eye-roll as you gave into the puppy dog eyes and made a show of taking another drink.

“There, happy?” you asked.

“Definitely, come on, let’s dance!”

The irritation over his actions was soon forgotten as you gave in to the beat of the music and joined in the writhing bodies on the floor. It didn’t take long to get drawn into the moment, the alcohol and music a powerful combination that brought out the serotonin you didn’t know you needed. Song after song passed and soon enough you found yourself in Daniel’s arms. It was almost nice, to let the stress of the past few months flow away and focus on only the here and now.

“I didn’t know you could move like this,” Daniel said into your ear as his arms wrapped around your waist.

The graze of his lips across your skin sent shivers down your spine and you instinctively arched into his touch as his hands slid further down your sides.

“I don’t get the chance to dance much,” you admitted meekly.

“That’s a shame. You’ll have to let me drag you out more often because it’s a damn sexy sight.”

A giggle escaped before you could stop it. Damn it. His flirting wasn’t funny!

“Mmmhmm, sure,” you retorted cheekily, “You’re like the only one who thinks that.”

He quickly spun you around, fast enough that the world went wonky and you had to grab onto him for balance, and it sent chills through your body.

“Whoa, that- oh my,” you gasped.

“Are you okay, Y/N?”

There was a look of concern on his face as you felt your knees weaken. Panic sent your heart racing but you couldn’t focus enough to figure out why. Something just felt… wrong.

“Maybe you’re dehydrated. Why don’t you finish the rest of your drink?” he urged.

Shaking your head, you managed to mumble out, “Alcohol won’t fix dehydration. It’ll actually make it worse.”

“Well, it’s worth a try, come on.”

When he pushed the cup to your lips again, some semblance of your brain came back online and you pushed instinctively it away. The ugly curve of his downturned lips told a terrifying story. Was he- Was he trying to drug you?! Clenching your eyes shut tight, you tried to sort through your memories and recall the symptoms of being drugged to compare to your current ailments.

“Damn it, just take the fucking drink. I spent ten dollars on this fancy shit,” he grunted lowly.

Eyes popping open, you caught his furious glare and instantly everything clicked. The reason he was so intent on you coming out tonight, how he handled the drink all the way to the floor, his insistence to drink the alcohol.

“You- You prick,” you bit out.

Thankfully, you hadn’t drunk more than those first two gulps. Whatever he’d laced the liquor with likely wasn’t at its full potential, and yet you were still feeling the effects. Just what the fuck had he given you?

“Y/N, what are you-”

With all your strength, you pushed him and luckily managed to catch him off guard, sending him flying back into the group behind him. You didn’t wait to see if he got back to his feet before you took the chance to escape. It was like a psychedelic maze, trying to escape the packed dance floor with your heart racing and your eyes swimming. Eventually, you made it out, and you instantly left the bar.

The cold night air tore a gasp from your lungs when it hit your skin but it was more than welcomed. Your body felt like it was on fire, sweat rolling down your back and forehead as if you’d just been vigorously working out. The chill helped to clear your thoughts some.

“Okay, I can do this, it’s just two blocks,” you murmured to yourself.

For a minute, you considered calling for help from one of your squadmates, but your gut cautioned you otherwise. These soldiers were close, dangerously close. There was a good chance they’d just help him cover it up if you tried. A weak sigh left your lips as tears flooded your gaze. You wished you would have just stayed at work. You wished you hadn’t gone against your initial judgment of that asshole. You wish you were home, safe and sound in bed. Most of all, you wished you could call König to come save you. How ironic that you were looking to the man Daniel had “rescued” you from to come rescue you from him now.

“Where do you think you’re going, bitch?!”

A big hand snagged your wrist and pulled you to a stop so suddenly that your shoulder popped audibly, pain shooting through the joint as you collapsed back against him.

“Daniel, please- I-”

“Uh-uh, nope. You’re not talking me out of this,” he hissed.

Despite using your entire weight to pull against him, he was able to drag you down a nearby dark alley with ease. Pain exploded through the back of your skull when he slammed you into the brick wall with a grunt and you nearly collapsed.

“Fuck!” you yelped, hand instinctively touching the throbbing spot to check for blood.

“You don’t fucking get it, do you? I was the one who located their base. I was the one who led the team in and took out as many of those dumb fucks as possible. I was the one to save your miserable ass, and what did I get for it? Nothing more than a fucking “thanks” and a shitty attitude. I waited for you to come around but you never fucking did,” he snarled, palm slapping the brick beside your face with a grunt, “When Graves suggested we bring medics along, I knew it would be my best chance of getting you alone. You’re such a stuck-up whore at home that you don’t ever go out with us. But here, I knew I could convince you. All it took was some kindness for your fat ass to fold. Can’t reckon you get much attention, so I’m not that surprised.”

Disgust and shame reared its ugly head in your chest as you let your eyes drop from the angry vision of his face. Instead, you stared intently at the pocket of his white polo.

“Now, you’re going to do what you should have done long ago, and you’re going to thank me for saving you. Get on your fucking knees and if you even think of using teeth I’ll put a round in your head so fast that-”

You stopped, mid-decent to the concrete when Daniel went flying. As he slammed into the ground, a hulking shadow followed him in earnest. It took your brain some time to figure out what was happening, but then you heard a familiar voice snarling in German. Slowly, the details of his form solidified in your gaze, and you sagged in relief.

“Pray to your god while you’ve got the chance, ungeziefer!” König barked loudly.

A pained screech filled the air and made your stomach twist.

“ König?!” Daniel groaned, “What the-? Why?!”

“You’re quite simple, aren’t you?” König snapped back with a humorless laugh, “Take one guess.”

You watched the way Daniel’s head popped up, a look of disbelief clear in his eyes as he stared up at the giant before turning to you. Even through the lingering haze of the drugs, you could clearly make out the terror on his face and a sick part of you felt thrilled that he was experiencing even a modicum of the fear he’d pushed onto you.

“I- I didn’t know,” he panted through frantic gasps, “I wouldn’t have-!”

Daniel’s weak croak was silenced by a brutal kick to the face. The crunch of bone and cartilage sent chills down your spine and you couldn’t but absentmindedly think about how badly that would heal… if he even made it out of there.

König rolled him over with a boot to the gut and crouched down above him, his voice just barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Even if she wasn’t mine, you don’t get to touch her in that way. Unfortunately for you, she is mine. You’re just lucky I don’t have the time to drag this out. The things I would do to you…”

His words lit a fire in your stomach, misplaced lust and satisfaction filling your chest despite the gruesome scene before you. There was a rapid-fire battle going on in your mind, between the lawful good instinct to stop König and the chaotic righteousness to let him beat the hell out of Daniel. It wasn’t until the glint of a blade pierced through the dark, reflecting the weak fluorescent light behind them, that reality finally set in. This wasn’t going to be a fight. This was going to be a slaughter. König was going to kill someone over you!

“No, don’t! König, wait!”

Your pleas fell on deaf ears. Before you could even blink, he was knelt on Daniel’s back, jerking the smaller man’s head up by the hair only to sink the knife into his ribs repeatedly, ending it with a vicious slash across his throat. It was awful and astonishing. A man of his size shouldn’t be that quick. While you’d seen him take out five of your team alone, that was with a gun. This was different. This was personal.

Licking your dry lips, you watched with wide eyes as König got up from his position and turned your way. Something between fear and excitement quickened your breaths as he stalked your way, slowly, wiping the blood from his blade before shoving it back into his pocket

“You shouldn’t have done that,” you murmured.

“And let him live after knowing what he was going to do to you? I think not,” he growled back lowly.

The instant you were within reach, a hand was around your throat, gentle but commanding as he pulled you into him.

“He’s lucky I didn’t make him clean his guts up off the floor,” he hissed.

“Oh.”

Before you could react, he crouched and lifted you up onto his waist. Brick bit into your back through your sweater as he pinned you against it, making you gasp as his mouth devoured yours.

“Mine,” he growled fervently.

His hips ground roughly into the apex of your thighs and stole your breath as a wave of pleasure scorched through your belly. Holy fuck, he was already rock-hard. A pathetic whimper escaped your mouth into him when his teeth bit into your lip hard and you couldn’t resist scraping your nails along the nape of his neck.

“Nobody gets to touch you except me, got it?”

Your eyes rolled back at the rasp in his voice, the thinly veiled need peeking through in a taunt.

“Yeah, but… Hey! König, wait, please!”

A little growl emanated through his chest as you pushed on him, but he easily relented, drawing away to catch your flustered gaze with half-lidded eyes.

“What is it, maus?” he asked.

“We can’t just- What- How the fuck are we gonna explain this?” you retorted, panic slowly filtering through your lust-hazed mind, “My god. You’re gonna get in trouble! I can’t- I can’t let you get hurt for protecting me! We have to do something! Maybe we can-”

Your rambling was quickly silenced with a hand over your mouth, the weight of his body leaning more into you, providing a sense of comfort almost like a weighted blanket.

“Calm down, meine leibling,” he shushed warmly, “Take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be fine, I promise you.”

Tears blurred your vision as you looked from him to Daniel and back to him, only to find his eyes hungrily tracing your form. Even in the current situation, you couldn’t deny the heat it caused. And then it was gone, the furrow of his brow conveying that anger once more when he released your mouth.

“What did you think you were doing anyway, coming here with him?”

You couldn’t help but recoil, grimacing as your head hit the wall in the same tender spot, until he forced your face up by your chin. There was so much fury residing in his gaze that your heart squirmed in pain. It hurt worse than anything to see that judgment and anger directed at you. Was he really going to blame you?

“Maus, I said, what did you think you were-”

“Well, I sure as fuck didn’t think I was coming out to get raped!” you spat back finally, unbidden tears spilling down your cheeks, “I thought- I thought I was- was with friends. I-I didn’t think-”

When he pulled you into his chest, the damn broke fully. Sobs poured from your shaking form as you wrapped yourself around him and breathed him in. You cried over the betrayal from your teammate. You cried at how close you came to being assaulted by another horrible person, the fact that König had saved you twice now. You cried over how much you’d missed him, over how happy you were to hear he still had some kind of emotion for you; no matter how demented it might be.

“I had a bad feeling about him,” he bit out after a moment, “When I saw you leave with them, I just knew. I’m sorry it took so long to get out here to you, schatz. If I had been quicker-”

You shook your head frantically and whimpered, “You were just in time.”

He hummed quietly, hand cradling the nape of your neck as he murmured little soothing words against your hair. You don’t know how long you stood there like that but eventually, your limbs started to ache from the position. When you pulled away from him, he put you down gently but didn’t let you retreat fully, hands cupping your face tenderly while he wiped away your tears.

“I don’t enjoy seeing you cry like this,” he sighed.

Something about that triggered that subdued anger in the back of your mind, waking the beast from slumber. Anger was easier to handle than sadness. How dare he stand here and comfort you, hold you like this, when hours ago he couldn’t even look you in the eye!

Nose wrinkling in frustration, you stepped back and wrapped your arms around yourself as the lack of his warmth hit hard. The hurt that passed through his eyes nearly made you collapse back into his arms but you knew you couldn’t- not yet, not until you had answers.

“Why?” you finally asked.

“Why, wha-”

“Why did you act like I didn’t exist? I spent the last two months driving myself fucking crazy, pining over you and what could have been, only to get treated like I was nothing more than dirt on your boot the next time I saw you!”

He tried to talk but you cut him off swiftly. No way were you done with him. Shoving a finger into his oh-so-glorious pec, you stepped closer with all the rage you could muster in your glare. In another light, it probably would have been hilarious to see someone of your short stature intimidating the giant man.

“If I was just some fucking notch in your bedpost, you could have said that! You didn’t have to act like there was something more. You have to know how hot you are. I would have fucked you even without you tricking me like that. But no, you had to make me feel special, make it feel like there was more than just my body on the line, and then you have the nerve to get mad at me for seeking out platonic companionship in my teammates?! You dare claim that I’m yours?! No, no, you don’t get to do that!”

The instant your rant ended, one hand cupped the back of your head and the other shoved you back against the wall, the impact cushioned by his hand before he boxed you in on either side. And fuck, you shouldn’t have found that hot but god it was. The way he instinctively protected you, acted like he cared, towered over you in a way that just screamed dominance and power.

“Don’t you dare say those things. There hasn’t been one moment that I haven’t thought about you, that I wasn’t looking out for you from afar, mein schatz,” he said sternly.

“Then why-”

“Because I couldn’t risk anyone figuring out what had happened between us!” he snapped with a huff, “If anyone knew you had stayed with me willingly, your life would be in danger, and I knew if I spoke to you, I would break. How could I not? I’m only so strong, meine liebe. Did you really think it was easy for me to do that? That I didn’t want to scoop you up in my arms the moment you walked through that door? That it didn’t break my heart when I watched the hope leave your eyes?! I hated myself every- single- second.”

Swallowing hard, you couldn’t force out any kind of answer. Distrust held your heart in a stronghold but his words were slowly chipping it away, the passion in his voice worming its way under your skin.

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You don’t even understand. Scheiße, I put so much time and effort into finally meeting you, and then somehow… somehow, I lucked out. I got a taste of what I’d wanted for so long,” he paused, thumb gently stroking that sweet spot below your ear as his eyes searched your face, “And it was more than I could have ever hoped for, only to have you ripped away at the last moment.”

His words settled heavily around you and, as their significance soaked into your brain, you could only stare at him in confusion. He… had known of you before you met? You knew they’d gathered intel on your team before the attack, but… he'd seen enough to want to see you?

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

His silence was loud, louder than you could handle and the guilt in his eyes sent a shiver up your spine.

“König,” you urged, “What- What do you mean?”

German spewed suddenly from his lips, angry and frantic as he began to pace in place, and it only served to make that anxiety nestle deeper in your belly.

“Damn it! Talk to me!” you cried.

When he spun around, you tripped over yourself in shock trying to back away from the fury in his glare. Fortunately, or possibly unfortunately, he caught you before you could actually fall, but he didn’t let you go even once you were balanced.

“There’s no way to make this sound good,” he breathed quietly.

Eyebrows shooting up in disbelief, you retorted, “Yeah, well, it can’t be worse than leaving me guessing at all the horrible things you could mean!”

“I need you to promise me you won’t run, that you’ll let me explain.”

While you wanted to hear him out, you weren’t sure how well you would handle whatever it was. There was also the issue of your dead teammate less than five meters away. Everything in your heart and mind was torn into a million little pieces of focus and it was all too much. You had to pick one problem at a time to deal with.

Looking over at Daniel’s still form, you pressed your lips into a thin line.

“What the hell do we do about him?” you asked.

You weren’t lying earlier when you said you were worried for König. He had a lot of power, but straight up murdering one of Graves’ men out of battle and, even worse while allied, was beyond reason. That was a death sentence.

König froze up, almost as if he’d forgotten about the whole reason you were there, and let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ll call it in and have Horangi take care of it,” he muttered, “For now, come back to my room with me. Everyone should be out right now.”

Why did that sound so inviting, so perfect? Fantasies of being able to touch him again, cuddle with him once more, plagued your thoughts until the weight of his admission came crashing back down. You couldn’t help but stare at him as his words reverberated in your head. It was clearer than ever that you knew nothing about this man, and yet you couldn't stop the way your heart fluttered when he slipped his fingers between yours, nor the way you felt content in following him out of the alley. Despite it all, under the fear and the uncertainty, that fatal attraction to him was still burning strong. When he wrapped his arm around you and slipped you under his jacket to protect you against the blustering winds, it felt too much like home.

Just what the fuck were you supposed to do now?

#könig #könig x reader #könig cod #cod fanfic #könig fanfiction

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anxresi · 1 year

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…Isn’t it a bit late for April Fools Day?! 🤡🤣

I was going to just write a few snarky remarks in the tags, but fuck it… I have a bit of time on my hands right now, so let’s tackle these somewhat disingenuous statements one at a time shall we? Starting from the one in the top left hand corner, and working our way anti-clockwise around… *Cracks knuckles*

1. Yep. SO nice in fact, she doesn’t have any other noticeable character trait. ‘Niceness’ by itself doesn’t make you an interesting, intriguing or compelling character… it just makes you boring. In fact, I’m gonna have to work pretty damn hard to finish this off before I nod off just thinking about her… 🥱

2. …And this is a GOOD thing? It just proves how much the writers were DESPERATE to make her Chloe’s replacement they rushed virtually everything to do with her, including her rapid induction to ‘Hero’. Most of the other Miraculous users had to wait AGES to get their chance, and Lil Miss Perfect just turns up in Paris and gets her chance virtually the first day. It wasn’t earned, it wasn’t believable… it was just handed to her on a silver platter because… reasons. 😩

3. So what? This is just yet more evidence that this girl, a TOTAL STRANGER up to S4 is all of a sudden being treated like the queen of all Mary Sues. Just listen to all the endless shilling about her from the rest of the cast (especially Marinette and, more depressingly Plagg) Now imagine them said in Thomas Astruc’s voice as he lays his case against Chloe… and everything should become clear.

4. This means virtually nothing. Everyone gets their Miraculous permanently at the end of S5, so the fact she gets her’s 5th is just down to a quirk in sequence. If anything, I’m surprised she didn’t get it sooner… in another gratuitous ‘Take That’ to diehard Chloe fans… 😬

5. I don’t even have anything to say about this.. it calculates the precise sum of 0.00% in terms of her worth of a character. You got anything better?

6. Oh, you mean the same acting ‘skills’ that she used to manipulate her sister into pretending she ‘loved’ her and to carry that useless charm about?The thing is, everyone might’ve SAID her talent was great in that AWFUL Queen Banana episode… but it actually wasn’t. Just because the other characters say she’s the next Sophia Loren, doesn’t mean the viewers don’t have eyes and ears. But I guess if they’re stupid enough to fall for Lila’s incredibly obvious lies when the plot demands it, anything’s possible…

7. What, you like her colorful shoes? This is possible the only one I’ll grant you (they ARE pretty snazzy) but at the end of the day, they’re just pointless aesthetics. Anyone else could be wearing them, and the garish colors can’t blind us to her all-conquering mediocrity. Moving on…

8. Here’s a hint: NEVER use the word ‘objectively’ when the opposite is clearly true. She’s not just ‘sweet’, spending time with her is akin to being pinned down in Wonka’s chocolate factory being force-fed candy by all the Oompa-Lumpas until you literally explode. Not a pleasant experience in other words, thanks to the writers laying this sole facet on with a literal trowel and shovel.

As for the ‘sass’ part… nope, not seeing it. Unless you mean the occasional scene when she ‘deals’ with her sister… these parts were obviously only put in to throw red meat for the Chloe-hating sheep out there could hoot and holler at the screen (probably waking their parents up in the process) whilst screaming “SEE? THAT’S WHAT YOU GET!!” Well, I hope you’re happy now. You hapless lame-o’s.

9. Mary Sues don’t get ‘character assassinated’. They get bigged-up, cheered, given every resource in the show to be Da Best… but NEVER wrecked in that manner. Her sister, on the other hand… 😢

I would argue though, that what she is, is WORSE than character assassination… she’s an individual that never should’ve existed in the first place. In fact, I’d barely even describe her as a character. A plot device, a waste of space, a product of Thomas Astruc’s inexplicable raging hatred against Chloe maybe, but not a serious character. As the popular meme goes, Change My Mind (you won’t).

10. …You’re REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel now, aren’t you?

Besides, this hasn't even been confirmed yet. We don't even know anything about the elusive Mr Lee, or even what he might think about his daughter being forcibly adopted by the Mayor. Something which I'm sure a show of such grandiosity and ambition will go into at great length.. Nah, just kidding!

Next, you’ll be telling me that somehow her sexuality is another reason to think she’s the best thing since sliced bread…

11. And there we have it (sigh). How terribly predictable. 🙄

I’ve already done a whole post thingie about how her being a lesbian and having a short-lived crush on Marinette was just imposed to get unearned brownie points from underrepresented communities when they won’t actually do anything with said revelation, so I’ll keep this short. Sufficed to say though, I feel like starting a hashtag… #TheGaysDeserveBetterThanZoe. Get it trending, peeps! 😎

12. Whatever you’re smoking, can I have some of it? This is crossing the line from ‘delusional’ to ‘crazy’ now. She’s remained as static as a statue since her opening episode, has NO room for change and growth due to the fact she was only brought in to replace Chloe and in that uncomfortably dull niche she’ll stay. Sorry, but just because you wish that she’d had any kind of interesting development doesn’t mean she has. Facts have a funny habit of getting in the way of the truth.

13. In turns of ticking boxes for diversity, French-Americans aren’t exactly a high priority IMHO. But sure if you think that makes her the bees knees (pun intended), you go ahead and celebrate it. 👍

14. So in conclusion, I do agree that Zoe Lee is indeed ‘Best’ character… (hears sharp intake of breathes all round) oops, I’m sorry. What I meant was ‘Pest’ character… in that just having her buzzing about in all her flawless Mary-Sue glory makes you just wanna reach for the bug spray.

You know, like you would for a pesky wasp during a delicious picnic. Because she’s Vesperia, get it? 🤪

The only upside to this sad situation is, from what I can tell (being strictly a non-watcher these days, you figure out why) the writers half-agree with me.

After all for such an 'amazing' character who's apparently achieved so much in her short time in the show... why is she barely featured? They must know, somewhere down deep in their artistic brains, she's a narrative dead zone.

A collection of tiresome off-the-shelf quirks, traits and spare parts (someone here said she was like a bad fanfiction self-insert... ABSOLUTELY RIGHT), loosely held together with visible stitching and hastily assembled together like Frankenstein's Monster for the most cynical of reasons.

She has no arguable reason to be in the show, apart from being a far inferior replacement to the potential mine of character development that someone like Chloe could've represented.

I guess Thomas really does hate complex characters who may overshadow his precious Marinette... or school bullies who traumatized him so much as a lil kid he specifically wrote someone into his show he could subsequently and systematically destroy (as the rumors go... but it wouldn't surprise me with THAT guy).

Now I’m off to bed, but let me end on at least ONE positive note for this much-maligned individual: She’s EXACTLY the kind of character a show like Miraculous Ladybug deserves… and if you like her, you deserve her too.

Now, good night. 🌝 🛌

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #ladybug #chloe bourgeois #ml salt #ml #marinette dupain-cheng #disney #Zoe #zoe lee

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rescue-ram · 7 months

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Why The Joker Is Wild Hits Different

I was thinking about this last month when I wrote 'The Time Has Come For Us To Say Sayonara', and I'm feeling motivated to write up my thoughts tonight. I'm going to list my reasons why this episode in particular rubs people the wrong way roughly in order of importance.

1) Timing This is the most obvious reason but it bears mentioning. Because yeah, the episode where Hawkeye's friends team up to drive him crazy in the same season that ends with Hawkeye having a serious Mental Health Crisis definitely changes the impression this episode leaves, especially in rewatches. I've seen theories that it was intentional foreshadowing, as well as that it was meant to be a lighthearted throwback episode that's just squiffy in execution; both seem plausible. But regardless, I think the timing increases negative feelings towards this episode among people for whom it doesn't land.

2) The Pranks Are Lame This might seem petty or subjective, but the more I thought about it the more important it seemed. Because MASH has a lot of pranks, and the ones people remember and like the most are the most outrageous ones- there are a lot of creative set ups, and some opportunities for great prop or physical comedy. But the pranks in TJIW all happen off screen, for punchline reasons, and with the possible exception of Klinger blowing himself up are all very tame and unremarkable. The "victims" reactions are not particularly hilarious either. This means there's little entertainment value in the pranks themselves, so all of the focus stays on Hawkeye's reactions, and his reactions are "increasingly irrational intense distress" which obviously some people will find very difficult or upsetting to watch.

3) No Back And Forth Other "prank war" episodes are just that- a war. There's retaliation and escalation and often a final twist to the conflict that keeps the action moving. Hawkeye never gets to retaliate or take the upper hand until the very very end of the episode- he's not even really fighting for it. He's consistently put in a reactive and vulnerable position throughout the episode, so it feels targeted in a way that's usually reserved for characters we're meant to dislike and not empathize with- but Hawkeye is our charismatic protagonist, we're constantly invited to empathize with him! So seeing him get picked on and not fight back kind of sucks for a lot of people, especially if, in putting yourself in his shoes, you would find this an insanely upsetting scenario to find yourself in.

4) No A-Plot Other "prank war" episodes are usually paired with a much more serious dramatic story line. Even "April Fools", one of the silliest, has the characters seriously thinking they're all about to be court-martialed. "An Eye for a Tooth" has Mulcahy fighting for a promotion, "Bottoms Up" has Margaret reckoning with her friend's alcoholism- even "The Smell of Music", which has one of the meanest things they do to Charles, has an A-Plot where Potter tries to help a suicidal soldier. The pranks are a welcome break in tension, and the more serious subject matter means they don't get as closely analyzed by the audience- they are straight up comedic relief. But in TJIW, there is no other plot- our focus stays, relentlessly, on Hawkeye losing it. There's no break from the tension, and as already established the weak pranks mean they don't provide that release in themselves. It is very easy to get stuck stewing in Hawkeye's distress.

5) Bad Casus Belli I really think, if Hawkeye had been the one to issue the bet- "Yeah, I said your prank was stupid and I'll say it again, Trap and I coulda pranked all of you in 24 hours or less and you'd've never seen it coming"- that A LOT of this episode's problems would decrease. His come-uppance would at least feel earned- Hawkeye has hubris, gets punished, punchline. But that isn't what happens!! BJ is exhausted and in a bad mood. He takes it out on Hawkeye in a petty destructive prank. Hawkeye is annoyed, and BJ gets mad at him for being annoyed, and then cold bloodedly manipulates him into a bet he fully intends to cheat, in order to punish him for... not finding having his boot ruined funny? For talking about Trapper? There's no explanation given for why the other characters go along with it, especially a character like Mulcahy who not only participates, but is gleeful about it to an extent that's kinda OOC. Hawkeye's punishment feels more like the sort of thing dealt out to Frank, who we expected to deserve it because he was so consistently awful. Why does Hawkeye, our loveable hardworking part-time prankster full-time doctor, deserve to get humiliated? It's charitable to say it's a lack of inciting incident causing problems- to be uncharitable, we'd have to say the inciting incident is BJ taking out his temper on Hawkeye in an honestly pretty cruel way. I say cruel especially given his reaction to seeing Hawkeye lose it in the ward was to make it worse by deliberately feeding Hawkeye's paranoia after Klinger's prank. If you are not a fan which finds BJ's fits of "evil genius" funny in themselves then yeah, the unearned targeting feels infuriating.

#mash

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gale-gentlepenguin · 9 months

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Gale’s Top Ten: Least favorite episodes of Miraculous Ladybug (as of season 5)

With Season 5 finished and my posting of my top 10 favorite episodes, it’s time I crank the meter the other way. Now some rules

1. Like always this is my personal opinion, and if you liked these episodes, that’s great. I would love to hear your reasoning

2. I will be judging them SOLELY of what was shown in the episode, not by any leaks that came out before or after. I’m solely judging on what is seen and confirmed

3. Word of warning, I will be pretty vicious with my critiques. Also profanities will be thrown.

Now before I go into them, I should give some congratulations to some episodes no longer in my bottom 10

Captain Hardrock: You are still a lame episode, but not the worst you are actually decent in comparison to some of these.

Stormy weather 2.0: Clip shows still are awful, but there are worst things

Frozer: In the grand scheme of things this episode really wasn’t important and there are worst character writing

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10.Sole Crusher

Revisiting this, it really isn’t a good episode for ML. I don’t know what was more Shoehorned in, Zoe’s character arc of replacing Chloé or the lucky charm.

It also makes little sense that Marinette would be the one pushing for Zoe considering her experience with Chloé and her family (especially after Season 5 revealed her trauma).

Now Zoe isn’t a bad character, but she will always be seen as the replacement Good bee, and she deserves better writing.

Honestly it could be argued Queen banana should be here, but that episode is too much of a s***post that I get more enjoyment out of it. This is trying to play this straight and it don’t feel right.

9. Qilin

This episode has a some things going for it, great akuma design, decent action. But it also has a ton going against it. It’s in a series of episodes I like to call “Thomas’ gets political” and I will tell you this, he sucks at it.

I would try and explain further but I am aware I would butcher the topic, all that should be said is, racism tackled poorly and Marinette says she will pay for a ticket that her mother didn’t deserve to get in the first place.

Also the animation looks off in the episode, it just looks so bleh.

8. Migration

Remember that whole reveal that Luka knows both Ladybug’s and chat noir’s identities and how he kept that to himself?

Well that FINALLY gets addressed. And are Ladybug and chat noir mad at him? No. No consequences for him.

The whole episode acts like he is such an important character but this is one of 2 episodes he’s in where he has more than 2 lines.

Then he gets to travel the world with his dad because monarch found out he knows.

Kagami got akumatized twice and she knew Ladybug’s identity, step up your game Luka.

Also the fake out with Rose was bulls*** and everyone knows it.

Also the entire episode had everyone but Luka lacking brain cells.

I don’t rank it lower because while it annoyed me greatly, there are worse offenders on the list.

7. Animaestro

Astruc complains for 22 minutes that nobody cares about him anymore.

Also Marinette teams up with her bully which after watching Derision, WOULD BE THE LAST thing she would do.

This is the worst example of the Creator calling out the audience, There are other episodes like this but this one is the least entertaining. And if the ending of season 5 is concerned. “I’ve seen your writing, so I can FUCKING CRITIQUE IT YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF…”

Okay, I’m calm. Point being. It’s his call out the critics episode and it sucks

6. Furious Fu

I HATE Su Han.

He is a worse version of Fu in every stretch of the imagination.

The episode where Su han shows up and starts making demands is stupid. The only thing he has going for him is his fighting style which he never teaches the two people that could have needed it!

The episode isn’t lower because despite Su Han’s impact, he really doesn’t do much and he is just there to be a nag later on. Also Fu’s akuma looks dope as hell and gave Fu some slack.

5. Feast

So remember how Su han showed up in the last episode. Well he and all the other guardians were gone for over 100 years because they lost to a 4 Foot blue dog made by a hungry child.

This episode isn’t as bad as the others as a stand alone, but knowing the lore makes it sound so completely stupid. Like Fu was HAUNTED by his past and we find out it was because he was hungry when training and the guardians COULDNT handle that? All trained to fight miraculous users should they go rogue, couldn’t beat ONE DOG. The mysterious order is incompetent as heck.

It’s just so stupid. Also Fu was acting irrational af over all this didn’t help.

4.Reflekdoll

I want everyone to know how massive this is, Reflekdoll is no longer my least favorite episode.

For anyone that follows me, my SEETHING hatred of this episode is well documented.

I won’t go on about how the tropes were horribly done or ignored, how off the banter was, or even how stupid everyone is this episode. Because I’ve discussed it in length.

I will simply say, Thank God there is Passion, so if people want a GOOD kwami swap episode they can watch that one.

3. Miracle Queen

I’ve talked about this episode to death on here. But really the only flaws with it are the last half of the episode.

The drama of the first half is great. But the ass pull of a memory wipe, the clear degradation of Chloé’s character, and just the simple giving up of Hawkmoth, he could have easily still won if he pushed a bit longer. The ending was depressing but also a clear example of how the writers put themselves in a corner with no way out.

The only thing that makes it worse is Fu’s replacement (Su han) ends up being a worse teacher.

Also considering how they spent season 4 quickly getting Marinette and Adrien out of the relationships with the love rivals, even they realize it was a dumb call.

__________________________________________

2. Ephemeral

Hey, let’s make an episode to explain why Adrien can NEVER know his father is the villain.

This episode is the go to justification of the writers on why Adrien will always be sidelined. It was also the unofficial reveal of the sentimonster theory before it was said pretty much outright in season 5.

The worst akuma design. Marinette gaslighting, gate keeping chat noir at its worst.

Gabriel wins and gets his wish.

And none of it mattered and no one remembers it except I think Sass. So it was pretty much pointless.

Not even the ladrien and cute reveal could save it.

And don’t even get me started on how pointless and avoidable it is.

It’s almost funny because despite how pointless this was, it’s still better than number 1.

1. Re-creation

So many cool concepts, great designs. Marinette dropping a piano on Gabriel. So many great things. But it also had some flaws, like having Adrien sidelined, and the focus on heroes from the specials for practically no reason. But all of that could be forgivable if the ending lands…

It really shows how an AWFUL ending can fuck up everything.

Imagine having 5 seasons of fighting to stop a villain from getting the miraculous to make the wish only for him to WIN! Yes he wins. He gets to make the wish, you know the wish that was said should NEVER be used. Of all the stupid, asinine, Shark Jumping BULL SHIT. Who the fuck APPROVED THIS HORSE SHIT?!

So he gets his wish, and he gets a statue HONORING HIM. What the fuck? Adrien, who was ABUSED now sees his abuser as a hero and EVERYONE THAT KNOWS THE TRUTH IN HIS LIFE IS HIDING THE TRUTH FROM HIM. Nathalie, Marinette, Felix, Kagami. Even PLAGG!

And the whole utopia crap, everything is just perfect now, because the villain got what he wanted.

That’s a great lessons for kids! (Blatant Sarcasm)

But let’s really dig in, the ending left a LOT of things vague. And hilariously ALL OF THE POTENTIAL OUTCOMES ARE SHIT.

1. Emilie was revived and Nathalie got healed.

So Gabriel gets everything he wanted from the wish, justifying everything he did and he gets treated like a hero and another person hiding the truth from Adrien. Marinette knows everything that brought this about and is keeping that from Adrien, but is justified slightly because it could encourage Adrien to try and get his father back with a wish. Also brings up the question of who took Emile’s place.

2. Only Nathalie was healed.

Gabriel ended up with Emilie like he wanted, gets treated like a martyr, Adrien is technically an orphan, Marinette is knowingly lying to him about his father and Adrien continues to get Gaslit.

3. Emilie is revived, Nathalie is healed, and memories were altered

Gabriel’s wish basically shaped EVERYTHING how he wanted, meaning he is still in control of Adrien’s life even in death. Even his own wife. So while this removes Marinette covering for him intentionally, it just means Gabriel was so much worse.

4. Nathalie’s healed and memories altered

Gabriel gets to be with Emile and has shaped Adrien’s life even in death. Everyone basically puppeteer by him as he died. Sure he’s dead but he also retconned for his redemption, which is bullshit.

Now there are people that defend this ending/potential ending.

I’m sorry but, unless they revive Gabriel and he gets exposed, Adrien finds out the truth, and he gets held accountable for his actions. I can’t feasibly imagine this ending being good.

The writing staff aren’t going to do Anything about this, they are just going to move on to Lila as the main villain and say the Agreste plotline is over.

If they Do, do something, I’ll happily take back my words and alter my view of the episode but right now.

It’s one of the WORST season finale’s I’ve seen in my life.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #ml critical #ml writer salt #Gale rants #Gale’s top 10 #ml spoilers

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saltygilmores · 4 months

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THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP5/8 O Clock At The Oasis (Part 2)

Lorelai is going to learn a valuable lesson in this episode. Which is to never, ever let your guard down around Emily Gilmore. Here is a list of the following fatal errors that have occurred to lead up to Lorelai’s upcoming three ring shit-circus.

1. Lorelai accepted Emily’s invitation to the DAR furniture auction with only mild resistance

2.Lorelai confesses her crush on Paddle #17, Peyton Sanders (as played by Jon Hamm) to Emily, aware that he is a member of the Upper Crust and this, without a shadow of a doubt, is going to come back to bite her in the ass

3.Lorelai allows Emily to facilitate a date with Hamm by retrieving his phone number for her.

4.Lorelai appears to have silenced the little voice in her head that reminds her that Emily never does a favor like this without strings attached.

5.Lorelai turns down David Bowie tickets unaware he will cease touring in less than 2 years.

Let’s get on with it.

Hamm unexpectedly phones Lorelai to ask her out on not one, but two dates at once. First to dinner, then to a David Bowie concert. Hamm is loaded and owns a jet and has a pilot's license and enjoys trips to Hawaii and has access to premium concert tickets. What he was doing at some lame furniture auction in Connecticut in the first place is anyone's guess. In a whirlwind 3 minutes, Hamm asks Lorelai on two dates, she gets ready for one of the said dates, leaves on said date, comes home and declares it's over because he was boring. Why couldn't Crusty have made such a quick exit in the series? I swear.

Here is what Rory is reading (thank you @frazzledsoul):

Hamm is never seen again. But hey, we're just paving the way for Alex, the only non-Luke boyfriend of Lorelai's that I ever thought was Good. (he's still so far away though).

Totally read "He was horny" at first.

...Says the woman who had long term relationships with Crusty, Max Medina and JasonDiggerStiles. Lorelai is a magnet for dullards. Could hearing Hamm talk about wine and tires really be any worse than listening to JasonDiggerStiles discuss insurance? Lorelai goes onto complain that she nearly fell asleep listening to Hamm dominate the conversation with his varied interests in things like cars and wine and aviation. Hey, at least he has interests. You've certainly done a lot worse. LORELAI GILMORE complains that HE TALKED TOO MUCH. Caps Lock and Italics added for extra emphasis. Lorelai GIlmore, in turn could think of nothing to discuss but a story about getting drunk on cheap booze in the back of some guy's car when she was 14. Really Lorelai, you can't just grit your teeth for one more week and take his David Bowie tickets?

Rory has the best pajamas again.

Okay then, enjoy your dirty dreams about teenage boys I guess (she then expands on it so it becomes a threesome with said teenage boy and David Bowie). Rory might be the only teenage girl on Earth who gets woken up by her mother to hear her sex fantasies.

You sure you want to let this opportunity pass you by, Lorelai? "A heart attack in late June 2004 forced the cancellation of some dates near the end of Bowie's tour. Bowie retired from performing live in 2006, making the 2004 tour his last." You’ve got less than 2 years to see DB. Suck it up sister and take those damn tickets. JasonDiggerStiles is certainly not going to take you in '04. The next day, Lorelai stops by Emily's house and gets the third degree about the date. Hamm is a major mama's boy. Mama Hamm is a fellow Society biddy and spilled the details of their date to Emily. Quite predictably, as Lorelai tries to impart on Emily that there is not going to be a second date, Emily ramps up the guilt and manipulation and calls Lorelai selfish. I can see why Lorelai would sacrifice Hamm and his plane and Bowie tickets just to avoid this. And in about a minute, it will get worse.

Run, Lorelai. Run

I suddenly had this crushing sense of DeJaVu while watching this scene. and then I remembered this season 1 episode:

Season 1, Episode 16, Star Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers. Emily Shanghais Lorelai into FND with a different society dullard (named Chase) who is so boring she attempts to escape out a window (Richard catches her mid-escape, takes pity on her and covers for her). So with some minor details tweaked, history is repeating itself. Emily gives Lorelai her blessing to date some Society Dullard that Lorelai has no interest in, Emily resents Lorelai for not liking the guy and tries to forcibly couple them anyway, Lorelai resists the urge to murder her mother with a rusty chainsaw, Lorelai continues to date different dullards and Crusties anyway (not you Alex, you’re cool).

Lorelai thought she was home free after leaving Emily’s, but no. Enter Richard. He's a real wildcard. Sometime he’s the only voice of sensibility and sometimes he’s just another clown in the three ring shit-circus.

After sending Rory to Dwight's house to water his lawn so she won't be late for work, her phone rings a second time, and this time it’s Dad. If this was taking place a few years later and cellphones had caller ID, imagine how much different things could be! *dreamy fantasy music*

Salty Gilmores is proud to present: Stick Figures Gilmore Girls 2024.

Not only is Hamm’s Mommy Emily’s DAR friend, his father is also Richard’s golf buddy (funny, when Lorelai was asking them for his number earlier they didn’t act like they were that close to his family) and both Senior Hamms took great offense to Lorelai’s first degree murder of Peyton’s fragile male ego, so now the shit is trickling downstream to the elder Gilmores before landing on Lorelai.

Holy cow. What a drama queen. Look at him sitting there all smug twirling his random magnifying glass. All because Lorelai won't agree to a second date with some random Society Shmo that nobody has spoken of before and never will again. Richard tells Lorelai she "just doesn't understand her mother's world". I think it's safe to say she does. What is this strange feeling I'm experiencing? Is it sympathy for Lorelai? Ah, it feels weird, but it'll pass.

#gilmore girls #lorelai gilmore #denise rewatches gilmore girls #emily gilmore #richard gilmore #rory gilmore #gilmore girls season 3 #8OCATO #I would love to do another stick figure comic #Jon Hamm #Hamm #ham

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chaoticreivingu · 10 months

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Compare & Contrast: Pip Pirrup & Butters Stotch

There’s a story that’s been spread around the South Park fandom for a very long time, in which it’s argued that due to Pip’s unpopularity among the audience and creators alike, Butters replaced Pip and his role in the show. But did he really take over his role or is this just one fanon game of telephone?

Pip’s role, ever since the beginning of the show, was to be severely abused and hated by everyone, adults and strangers alike. He’s well-spoken and emotionally mature for his age, but at the same time too awkward to even be seen in public with, and whenever he speaks his “punchable” personality is enough to cause a scene. His submissiveness and passive ways aren’t seen as endearing, and seemingly every aspect of him, from his mismatched clothes to his voice was designed to induce a cringeworthy reaction from the cast. His only usefulness is that everybody can take his anger out on him however they want with no consequences at all. No adult cares about him and he’s an orphan, so he can’t snitch to anyone.

Butters on the other hand, isn’t universally hated. Sure he’s seen as lame by the rest, but Kyle likes him enough to invite him to Casa Bonita and even in Awesome-O Cartman was the only one dead set on pranking him.

That’s not to say he’s not bullied at all during this era, he did start out as a Melvin at first and does get picked on a lot in seasons 3-7, but he’s not as low on the social ladder as Pip is, since he practically has his own level at the bottom of the barrel.

An example of this is in Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub, where Stan, Dougie and Butters all visibly interact with the media and police in some way, but Pip is delegated to doing behind the scenes work, once again highlighting how much of a stigma everyone has around him, that even around others like himself, it’s best to not have him talk or else the plan might backfire from the possible awkwardness that might ensue.

Even if he was called a “Melvin” by Stan, it’s clear that his bullying is never as severe as Pip’s. While Pip’s abuse relies on social isolation, physical beatings, humiliation and life risking situations, Butters’ bullying is more about manipulating, drifting, pranking and taking advantage of his gullibility to make him go along with a plan, even if he’s initially cautious about it.

To put it into perspective, the first time Butters bled was 5 seasons after his debut. The first time Pip bled was in his first appearance.

These scenes almost serve as parallels to each other to highlight how different these two are in terms of their roles, personality and how the rest view them.

In the former, the main 4 convince Pip to go down the slide, he cracks his head open and bleeds profusely. They proceed to laugh at him and even tell him to do it again to get hurt more for their entertainment while Pip runs to the nurse’s office.

In the latter, Butters convinces the main 4 to play with him, Kenny accidentally throws a ninja star into his eye and he bleeds profusely. They instantly stop their playtime to check on Butters’ wellbeing while Butters pleads to go to the hospital.

It’s clear from this how unaccustomed Butters is to such an injury and how much the main 4 value Butters as a person and friend, even if they don’t want to admit it. On the flipside it’s evident that Pip is seen as nothing more than entertainment for the boys and how much he’s used to being treated this way since he barely reacts to the injury.

Other scenes that serve to differentiate the two is in Hooked on Monkey Phonics and Cartman’s Silly Hate Crime. Both Butters and Pip are featured in the episodes, and in the latter act like a matching set but react differently, like at the thought of the boys losing the match against the girls(Butters’ focuses on losing to women while Pip’s is a more general statement).

In both episodes Pip is given the usual physical abuse treatment even when he imitates the others to fit in or tries standing up for himself, while Butters isn’t mocked at all and is more antagonistic, strapping Mark to a bench and calling Clyde the second fattest kid. Unlike Pip, Butters rotates from being bullied to doing the bullying since that’s how South Park Elementary School’s society functions.

For the last scene to compare and contrast, in Professor Chaos Butters and Pip are both featured and devalued by the boys.

Butters’ scene is set in the privacy of Cartman’s room, nobody else is there except for the Stan,Kyle, Cartman and Butters. The Scamps fire Butters for being too lame, but still apologize for things going this way as Butters sadly leaves, with the punchline being his outlandish reaction afterwards.

Pip’s scene is set publicly, in Denver no less. While it already starts awkwardly by Pip clapping instead of cheering like the rest, it’s when he asks for tea at a baseball game that all eyes lock on to him in anger or shock. After Pip doubles down asking for crumpets Cartman angrily tells him to go away with some people still looking at him, while he leaves in confusion at what he did wrong. Coincidentally, immediately after Pip leaves, Butters shows up to hijack the game.

In all these examples, Butters and Pip both act and react in separate ways and even in bullying scenes the punchlines aren’t the same. By late season 8 Butters starts to grow more and more to the point that by season 14 the nerdiness is just a quirk that’s slowly fading, while Pip gets his last appearance by being Barbra Streisand’s punching bag and dying in the process.

So if Pip is superficially similar but inwardly different than Butters, why did Trey and Matt stop using him? Simple, they just got bored of him like they did with Dr. Mephesto and Mrs. Crabtree.

In the creator commentary for Two Guys Naked in a Hot tub they say they enjoy writing Butters more but that’s understandable, one is an original character they created while the other is a direct parody that’s more creatively limited, not due to being “empty” but his lack of parents and inability to make fun of others limit a lot of potential that could be done in later South Park episodes that focus more on the parents or aren’t afraid of making characters mean spirited for the sake of the plot.

As a bonus, here's some minor details that are worth mentioning:

While they’re both blond, geeky and voiced by Matt Stone, Pip and Butters’ jackets are dark red and turquoise respectively, which are direct opposites on the color wheel.

Their hairstyles also indicate their different personality traits as Pip’s long and straight hair emphasizes his lameness and softness compared to the rest while Butters’ short and spiky hair indicates he has more of a backbone compared to his fellow Melvin.

Finally, while(in earlier seasons) Butters’ accent is stereotypically southern and his speech is drawn out, Pip’s accent is stereotypically British and his speech is concise.

#butters stotch #pip pirrup #sp butters #sp pip #leopold butters stotch #phillip pip pirrup #sp pip pirrup #sp pip pirrip #south park meta #south park analysis #south park #southpark

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matchacowbee · 9 months

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heyy guys!!!!!!!!!

I wrote a fic :3 it’s South Park hehe

um so this one takes place after the dreaded pee episode… (season 13 ep 14) iykyk

Lee Kyle and Ler Stan and Kenny

Cw: minors swearing

Swim with us! 🩳 🌊

The four boys had a plan to meet up and go to the water park together, but this time, Kyle isn’t so up for swimming.

Ever since the last incident at the waterpark, Kyle had been very reluctant to go anywhere with a public swimming area. And the new water park wasn’t exactly his most ideal place to hang out now. However the three other boys were excited about the new opening and planned to drag Kyle there under any means.

“Guys I really really don’t want to go!” Kyle said for the 13th time to his friends.

Stan, Kenny, and Cartman stood in Kyle’s room in their bathing suits, prepared for swimming. Meanwhile, Kyle sat on his bed fully clothed, not dressed for the water park at all.

“Cmon Kyle, there’s no way anything bad is gonna happen this time” Stan said annoyed.

“You don’t know that!! There’s always some kind of bullshit happening; and I am NOT swimming in random peoples pee again!!” Kyle said angrily.

“Not only did you swim in it, but you drank it too.” Cartman snickered.

Kyle fumed. “SEE! Exactly!”

“Cartman you’re not helping, cmon please Kyle? Look even Kenny’s getting bored.” Stan said, as he pointed over at Kenny who was laying on the floor, practically dying from boredom.

Kyle peered over at Kenny from his bed, but turned away to look at the wall. “Look, why don’t you guys just go without me?” He asked.

“No we have to go all together to see if it’s lame or worth it. We can’t just leave you behind.” Stan said as he looked at Kyle with a disappointed face. But Kyle was resilient and just shook his head.

Cartman ushered Stan to the side. “Look I’m perfectly fine with leaving him behind, but if you want your boyfriend to come with so bad, you better fix this fucking situation.” He whispered in Stan’s ear. Then he walked over to the door.

“My mom’s waiting in the car, figure it out in the next 5 minutes, or else I’ll make her drive me without any of you assholes.” Cartman said, as he left to go wait outside.

Stan sighed and looked around. Kenny was rolling around wrapped in his towel on Kyle’s floor. And Kyle was now laying on his bed on his phone. He also noticed that Kyle had pre-folded his bathing suit on his desk, and had placed his swimming essentials to the side. It had looked like he must have wanted to go before. Stan got frustrated and walked over to his best friend.

Stan climbed on Kyle’s bed, and sat on top of his waist as Kyle laid down on his stomach. “Hey! Dude get off me!!” Kyle exclaimed.

“I wish it didn’t have to come to this. But you leave me no choice Kyle.” Stan said flatly.

“Huh?! What’re you doing?” Kyle asked, while attempting to turn around and knock Stan off in the process.

Suddenly, Stan grabbed at Kyles jacket trying to unzip it and slip it off of the other boy.

“Stan! Hey!! Stan stop!!” Kyle yelled.

The other boy kept pulling at his coat until he successfully got it off. He took the orange coat and threw it on the floor, which just so happened to land on Kenny. Kyle was able to turn and face Stan.

“What the hell dude?! You’re being totally gay right now.”

“I’m just getting you ready for the water park. You gotta lose all these layers you’ve got on.” Stan replied, and immediately grabbed onto Kyle’s tshirt, pulling it up his torso.

“Kenny come help me out, he keeps moving.” Stan said, trying to pull off his shirt.

Kenny perked up and excitedly got up having something to do. Kyles orange jacket slipped off his head and fell to the ground as Kenny moved. He walked over to the bed, and held Kyle’s arms above his head. This made it much easier for Stan to remove his shirt, leaving him topless.

Kyle blushed and tried harder to pry out of Kenny’s grip, as he felt much more vulnerable with his arms up and shirt off. “You guys are assholes..” Kyle said while averting his eyes.

Stan looked down at the redhead. “Pleaseee Kyle??” Even Kenny looked down at Kyle with big puppy dog eyes.

Kyle looked at both of them and shook his head. Stan and Kenny sighed.

“Ok Kyle. Well now you really leave me no choice.” Stan said.

“What? What does that me-AH!”

Stan immediately brought his hands down to Kyle’s torso, and began tickling him on his sides. Kenny followed suit and shot his hands into his underarms, wiggling his fingers gently in his hollows.

“n-NAHAHGAH! HEY!! G-GUHUHUYS STAHAHAP!” Kyle belted out.

With his upper half being exposed, the tickly sensations were much more intense on him.

“How about now? Will you come with us?” Stan said eagerly, with a devious smile planted on his face.

“N-NOHOHO!! FAHAHA-FUCK YOHOU GUYSEHE!”

As a result, Kenny brought his hands to Kyles upper ribs, just where they met his underarms. Stan moved his fingers to Kyle’s freckled stomach, and spidered around his bellybutton. His laughter went up an octave and he let out a loud squeal.

“Jeez Kyle, you’re really ticklish. I wonder how long you can take this.” Stan teased.

Kyle blushed furiously, “QUIHIHIT IT! GHAHAHAH!!” Kyle tossed his head from side to side. Prying his hands down, that only trapped Kenny’s fingers in his underarms. He squirmed under Stan, unable to buck him off.

Kenny and Stan were enjoying this too much. Seeing their smart, stubborn, and angry friend cave in to something as childish as tickling was too amusing for them. However Kyle was soon meeting his limit.

“OKAHAHAY! *hic* I’LL COHOHOME JUS-JUST STOPAHA *hic* TICKLIHING MEHEE!”

Stan and Kenny removed their fingers from their friend. Stan got off of Kyle’s waist, while Kenny unpinned him.

Kyle let out some residual giggles and his hiccups soon went away slowly. He sat up, glaring at his two friends.

“Okay great, we’ll wait for you in the car.” Stan said with amusement in his voice, as he gave Kyle a playful punch to his arm. Kenny then handed Kyle his bathing suit, and followed Stan out the door.

———————————————————————

Cartman, Kenny, and Stan sat in Ms. Cartmans car, waiting for Kyle.

“Where the hell is he?! I thought you dealt with him!” Cartman said angrily to the other two.

“He’s coming, don’t worry.” Stan reassured.

And just like that, Kyle walked out his front door, with his swimsuit on and a towel draped over his shoulder. He opened the car door and sat next to Kenny with an unhappy look on his face.

Kenny poked him in his side, and Kyle nearly jumped up into the roof of the car. “Ah!! Kenny stop! I’m here now, don’t tickle me anymore.” Saying that last part quietly.

Eventually, the four had made it to the water park. And they actually all ended up having a great time together. Kyle had noticed that the pools were filtered much better than before and ended up swimming with his friends. He was glad that they had convinced him to go.

#south park tickles #lee!kyle #ler!stan #ler!kenny #south park ticklefic #south park tickle #south park tickle fic

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vennyvenadito · 1 year

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I watched Derision and….oh God, it’s a mess

I hated it

Everything was so lame

Everyone was so out of character in this episode

And I gonna ask this, when Mari was akumatized, we see her memories right?, alright, now can some please tell….why the heck we could also see other characters point of view???!!! Isn’t this sequence is in Mari’s POV?? Like, someone explain that

And please, look me in the eye and try to tell me this backstory make sense, come, try

Because none of this make fucking sense!

And before you go to tell me otherwise, I’m saying this as some who was in the fandom since season 1, like, when everyone where trying to figure out who Hawkmoth is, that old I am, so no, no try to tell me I don’t know anything about the show and the characters because I know them perfectly

So yeah I can tell, Chloe wasn’t this type of ““eViL””” in previous seasons back then, Marinette wasn’t even scared of her, she was just annoyed by her, even before Alya came she wasn’t really afraid of her, she was like “ugh, this bitch”

And tell me Mari, if you where so traumatized about falling in love with someone, than why didn’t you do the same thing with Luka and Chat Noir huh?, Please explain yourself young lady?

In fact, why are you panicking in front Kim??, you always acted normal around him!!

And for last, I just loveee the doble standard in this show

Marinette can be excused of her stalking behavior towards Adrien, every bad thing she does was just because she is traumatize, so please don’t be harsh on her, after all, she is young, and kids do stupid thing

But nooo, no no, Chloe shouldn’t be excused, forget the fact her mom is a abusive bitch, forget about the fact she openly say to Ladybug she feels useless, forget the fact she was only Adrien’s best friend back then and did care about him (watch “Collector episode 1, season 2), forget the fact she has Andre as a pathetic excuse of father

Because every teen can be forgiven except Chloe

She is evil, she always will be, she can’t change, because Thomas say so, and if you not agree than you are an abusive person, your evil as well

And Mylene…shut up, please

When Thomas would release that not everyone reacts the same way on trauma?

Back to Mari’s panic attacks, everything go to fast to me!, there’s no time no analysis what the hell is going on, also, didn’t she used to be in the public pool before this episode?, like, Mr Pigeon 72 never happen I guess

Also, this episode make her look worse because back in season 3 in Animaestro, she fucking team up with Chloe, Chloe, her bully, the person who made her life back then a living hell, to humiliate Kagami in front Adrien

What the hell Mari!?

And Chat….sweety, honey, I love you, and I insist your deserve better but….please don’t do that, this isn’t you, your not like that, your better than this

Anyway this episode is trash, is literally every salt fic in one episode, every single cliche of a generic backstory perfect for a Wattpad’s fanfic

And please, instead of trying to tell me every episode that Chloe is evil and I should hate her, what not you guys try to focus in more interesting lore instead? Please, like, kwamis, Gabriel and Emilie? (Representation doesn’t count)

And even then, why show this episode in season 5, you literally have a lot of seasons to show this, and you decided this was the right moment??

Ok, that’s all I wanted to say

Se ya folks

#miraculous ladybug #mlb fandom #chloe bourgeois #mlb season five #mlb salt #marinette dupen chang #ml writers salt #derision spoilers #ml derision

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totaldrama-showdowns · 3 months

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Submissions for the Non-Human Showdown! Including ones that are invalid!

Fang (x2)

“🦈🦈🦈”

“He's Fang ❤”

Cody Jr (x2)

“Cody Jr! No! Not Aunty Heather!”

Mr Coconut (x2)

“The og. Should have won every season /serious”

vince the alligator (x2)

“SWEEEEP”

“The lore… so immaculate”

the don box (x2)

“bzzz i have a stupid fucking clue for you. ah fuck the interns put me in a lame outfit again”

“what id don on about he's slaying in that shirt”

wt pineapple (x2)

“ALEPINEAPPLE FOREVER!!!”

“👅🐍🐍🐍🐍”

Irene the fish (x2)

“shes so beautiful i’d kiss her too”

“The final remaining member of Team Victory after DJs elimination, Irene went on to win the million and the hearts of many.”

the chrarry baby (x2)

“Goo goo gaa gaa”

“ive got my eye on u chris mclean”

Princess Beth Doll

“I WANT TO BUY ONE SO BAD IRL!!!!! Also, this too is yuri”

Old Jester from reboot S2ep9

“I love when Damien hugged him! That's scene is soooo cute. Also I love fluffy animal!”

Bobo :)

“SEASON 2 SPOILERS Bobo is the name of the bear that had the Raj mask in season 2 episode 12 :) idk I just think he’s silly”

DJ’s bunny

the Chris-shaped cake that Julia's group made

“I wanna eat that thang”

Dramarama Cody

“He's an alien”

Theodore (MK's stuffed unicorn)

(the arts and crafts) Shed (from season 1)

“shed sweep”

that evil little seal from wt

“sooo little and evil. who can hate him”

caleb rock

“possibly the best version of him out there”

the skull duncan carved for courtney

“you cant deny how iconic it was”

eva’s mp3 player

“the most important character in td history”

heather’s various hairstyles

“possibly the most diverse and versatile entity in td historu”

pahkitew island

“The best one”

Myself

“:^)”

ryan seacrests car

“very fast”

chef's car (total dramarama and gen 4)

“MY CAR!!!!!”

alien clone cody

“AAAAAAA*explodes into green goo*”

chris's wig

“wiggin”

heather's wig

“wiggin”

total drama yum yuk happy go time candy fish tails

“You ate it!”

trents five finger shirt

“5”

princess courtney CD

“all the greatest hits!”

owens butt

“fart”

anne maria’s hair style

“Ey im walkin here”

bridgettes surfboard

“BONK”

the fake antlers from the paintball ep

“Duncney”

manitobas fedora

“served!”

beary <3

“it’s LITERALLY beary”

ripper’s world record breaking fart

“he did it”

the portrait of cody as blue boy in wt

“funny looking”

sierra’s pizza box-cum-laptop*

“she uses the internet AND eats witj it. shes a genius”

*Mod Note: this refers to cum meaning: combined with; also used as (used to describe things with a dual nature or function).

waynes accent

“Eh we play hockey eh”

mal ventriloquist doll

“aaah im evil mal doll”

alejandro puppet

“we do a little trolling”

Chef 2.0

“He made him from a cashew”

Mt. Kīlauea

“She has the mercy to have her lava not hot enough to kill Alejandro, Ezekiel, and that random intern like... Everyone say "thank you" or somethin idk. Do you think she feels bad that Alejandro ended up in a robot suit because”

Immunity idol s4-5

“They ruined it's design in the reboot boooooooo”

MK's infernape

“Listen, she's a gamer and she's based. She would totally pick chimchar in bdsp. She probably hates people who tells her to "play platinum" because that was a game made for old people.

Try and exclude this submission, I dare you. There's nothing that says I can't submit theoretical non-humans. There's a non-zero chance that MK has an Infernape and I know it's been raised to have some awesome sneaky move. If you exclude this, I bet you'd allow "Mike's Torterra" because only a grass type fan would be a fire type and MK hater!!

Julia would keep her piplup unevolved and beat her console into tiny bits when she gets to Cynthia btw”

the drone of shame

“[picks up victim and flies away] wheeee”

that giant bowl of rice they fall into in japan

“mm giant bowl of rice”

noah’s dog

“his epic dog”

celine dion cardboard cutout

“love fucking wins #duncney”

the face huggers from Area 51

“rip tyler”

ezekiel MISSING milk carton

“Sad! He died.”

the eagle chris shot and killed

“someone arrest this man. again”

the confessional

“it’s always there for you”

geoff’s splinter

“OW”

the bread from codys pants

“man i need to rewatch island. i fucking love the pants bread”

That ice cream snowman from SMS

“LISTEN. JUST BECAUSE HE IS FROM THE EPISODE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN NOT GIVE HIM HIS RESPECT”

bear

“the one from raptear specifically. let's go lesbians”

that pizza chase threw the challenge for

“clearly he should be with it rather than emma. chemma? chipper? chazee? nope never fucking heard of them”

Momma's Spice

“*sprinkles it on op's head* mmmm tasty”

The Gilded Chris award

WT barf bags

“give a real f to those guys. never appeared after episode 7.”

the toxic marshmallow of loserdom

“killer of staci's hair”

The lavatory confessional

“bitch is iconic. 6/8 is a passing mark!!!”

Courtney's PDA

“why wouldnt they call it a phone idk but its so camp”

The Cassowaries

“Male cassowaries are responsible for raising the young. We love an involved father.”

Fire-breathing winged mountain goats

“You could make an Undertale reference with this (also they're really cool)”

Giant Beetle

“Dott shippers will like this one”

Mutated Maggots

“They're pretty cute!”

Six-Legged Rats

“ADORABLE EEEEEEEP!!!!”

scott bird

“what a beautiful bird”

Chef's car

“It may play a role in mkulia canon”

Gethin

that rainbow porridge in episode 8 of the reboot

“aw hell naw chris cookin up the gay porridge”

The cassowary that fell in love with Zee

“We love an iconic single mother looking for love”

The rat in the cargo hold that appears on screen for 0.5 seconds during Ezekiel's solo in "Come Fly With Us"

“That rat really carried the whole song. Iconic. Astounding. Never before seen talent. Lady Gaga is shaking in her Demonias.”

The Erymanthian Boar

“It wrecked Duncan's shit in Greece.”

The dock of shame

“So many teens walked on her, i think she deserves some recognizion”

gwen's blender necklace

Zoey's hamster (Miss Puffycheeks)

“It's cute and can punch a cat, need I say more?”

#nonhuman showdown #unused submissions

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thyfggfy · 5 months

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We are continuing my self-indulgent little project with the fandom's favourite blorbo-Derek Hale

I am not going to beat around the bush here.His outfits 90% of the time are pretty lame .From a production standpoint it makes total sense .Why bother putting Tyler in something cute when the script demands for him to be half-naked 5 minutes later , you know?

However , I do think that Derek goes through a solid style evolution when it comes to his colour scheme and a few other elements .

During the first two seasons we see him wear primarily greys and blacks

There are a few exceptions from the rule.He wears a white t-shirt in the pilot

a brown one in season 2

and if you really feel like taking a dig at me , I guess you can also count the times when he wears standart denim

But overall it is pretty bleak and from the flashback episode we can see that he wasn't allergic to colours

So we can assume that something must have happened during this time period. (We knowww what happened , but for the sake of this post we are pretending to be a bunch of film students who haven't watched a lick of tw).

In season 3 we see Derek finally starting to get his sh*t together. He tries to be a better alpha , rebuilds his support system and slowly but surely gets on the path of overcoming his trauma.That is reflected in his wardrobe that seems to become significantly more bright and colourful.

You can also notice that his iconic leather jacket starts to make less and less frequent appearances .

which can symbolize that he is stripping away his armour.Fitting , considering the fact that this is the season where he gives up his alpha status.The one thing he worked so hard to reinforce in the previous season.

In season 4 his character arc concludes . In that season we see him wearing (you might need to sit down for this one) jackets that are not black

Let that sink in.

Outside of that his style remains pretty consisted with what we've talked about so far.

I realize that this might not be fashion related (quite the opposite actually) , but I feel like it is appropriate to point out that when he finally confronts Kate he is fully naked

signifying that he is no longer afraid and that she has no power over him.

Season 6 doesn't diviate from the established points either

neither does the movie

We will finish this post with the only other outfit that is memorable in the fans' eyes and that is the thumbhole sweater .

and this time around I have to fully agree. This is cute as hell.I want one.

Parts: Jackson ; Liam ; Mason ; Theo ; Scott.1 ; Scott.2

#derek hale #fashion #finding images for season 4 was very fun #can't you tell #that was surprisingly long #I hope it doesn't become too unfocused near the end #I've sacrificed a great joke btw #because I've reached the image limit #so appreciate my dedication #teen wolf

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kyriethesquishysquid · 7 months

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Betrayal Never Felt So Good (König/Fem!Reader) Chapter 4

You can find Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here, Chapter 5 here, and Chapter 6 here!

Word count: ~6

Rating: Mature

A/N: A bit of a filler chapter but it's adding pertinent info to the story, I promise! Some use of Y/N and Y/L/N. Some smut, feels, and story progression! Reader is still morally grey and morally questionable; a delulu girly, if you will. Reader has trauma that will be expanded upon later. Continued COD and military inaccuracies galore. Brief mentions of our beloved 141!

TW: Smut! Mutual masturbation, exhibitionism/voyeurism, dom/sub tones. Reader reflects a little on her trauma from Daniel. Reader tries to trust people and make new friends! Pet names (in English and German), bad German translations bc I’m STILL a lame monolingual American, and STILL no beta because we die like jackass Graves.

Crappy Translations:

Maus - Mouse

Mein schatz - My darling

Meine leibling - My love

Süßes mädchen- Sweet girl

Scheiße - Shit

Ja, das ist ein gutes Mädchen. Lass mich dich hören - Ja, that’s a good girl. Let me hear you.

Da ist mein wunderschöner Liebling - There is my beautiful love.

You were gonna be sick. You just knew it. Commander Graves’ stare was too much to handle, and yet you knew you had no other choice. The only other option was to give in, condemn both yourself and König to prison or death with the truth, and you refused to do that. You just had to trust in König’s plan, no matter how questionable.

“I’m sure, sir,” you replied, trying to keep your voice from shaking, “The last I saw was him going back into the bar.”

Graves’ tapped his pen on the table, his expression as unreadable as ever, before sitting up in his chair to lean over the desk. His intensity was overwhelming, making your heartbeat loud enough you were almost sure he could hear it too.

“Ya don’t have to be scared here, Y/N. This ain’t an interrogation. I’m just tryin’ ta get the facts about Carter before we call it.”

For the first time since that night, guilt licked the insides of your belly. Deserter. First, you’d allowed König to kill him and hide the body, and now you were willing to let his name be dragged through the mud, to allow his family to hear the worst about him when he wasn’t even alive to fight for himself. Fuck, but the lengths you would go through to protect König, just as he’d been protecting you for the better part of a year. It was honestly terrifying and made you question things about yourself that you’d never thought of before. Were you really as good of a person as you thought you were, as you tried to be, if you were willing to do all of this? Probably not.

“I understand, sir, I just kind of feel like I’ve been called into the principal’s office at school,” you joked quietly.

That brought a little smile to his face. Man, if he weren’t such a toxic fucker, he’d be pretty attractive. Too bad he was a righteous prick.

“That’s fair. Well, thank you for your time, Y/L/N. If I could just get you to sign this document here statin’ that you stand by your statement as the truth and allow for it to be used as necessary for legalities,” he sighed, pushing the paper and pen in your direction.

With a deep breath, you snagged up the pen and signed your name with a flourish. There it was, your deceit finalized in ink for all to see. It was to protect König, not for yourself, you kept repeating in your mind. It’s all for König. Anything for König.

“Am I good to go then, sir?” you asked with a forced smile.

“Actually, I have one more thing for you,” Graves replied, lifting a finger as he opened his desk drawer, “These… are papers of all the tasks I need you to go over with your trainer. After the last… episode, it’s become abundantly clear that you’re in dire need of a refresher course on the basics. Can’t have our best medic dying because she doesn’t know how to protect herself, hmm?”

You had to bite your tongue from giving a sassy reply and instead took the papers with a nod.

Looking over the pages, you asked curiously, “Who’s my trainer?”

“You’ll be workin’ with Private Declan every day, 1700 to 1900 after your normal shift until he feels you are well-equipped for future missions,” he explained, “Not havin’ ya do anythin’ too crazy so it shouldn’t take too long to complete, probably two weeks, give or take.”

Declan. The name sounded familiar. Hopefully he wasn’t one of Daniel’s close friends or things would end up real awkward real quick.

“Got it.”

“You’re dismissed,” Graves commented as he leaned back in his seat.

You couldn’t get back to your room fast enough, eager to be sheltered safe away from Graves’ intimidating stare. As soon as you were in your room, you dug your phone out and sent a quick text to König.

‘Hey love, you free to talk?’

You knew there was a chance he’d be busy or even have possibly been sent out on a mission since this morning, but it didn’t hurt to check. While you waited for his reply, you got changed from your scrubs into a comfortable pair of pajamas. You were debating on if you wanted to go through your rigorous skincare routine or just pass out when your phone started ringing.

Eagerly launching yourself onto the mattress, you quickly slid the green button when you saw König’s name pop up on the screen.

“Hi!” you said, a little too excitedly.

God, way to sound like a loser, Y/N. Could you be more embarrassing?

“Hello, Süßes mädchen.”

Fuck, just hearing his voice over the phone was enough to make your heart flutter. Chewing on your lower lip, you asked him about his day, wanting to start the call on a good note before you told him about Graves’ little meeting. He told you about some of the newest recruits, and how Horangi was talking to a civilian and it was more serious than his past conquests. He sounded like a proud older brother when he talked about Horangi and it was honestly adorable. A big grin was fixed on your face as you listened to his highs and lows, enjoying the shifts in his tone as he rambled for quite some time. It was nice, you realized, having someone to just talk to, even if it wasn’t in person.

“Ah, but enough about my day, how was your, meine liebling?” he asked.

“I enjoy hearing about what you’ve been up to,” you assured him warmly, “You know I love hearing you talk, but uh, my day was good. Got a little rocky at the end.”

“What happened?”

You could hear the instant change in his voice, protective König coming off the sidelines and ready to attack. It made you chuckle.

“Nothing that bad in the long run. Uh, Graves’ finally talked to me about Daniel. Had to sign a legal document backing up my statement. So far it seems everything is going well, but he also decided I need to redo training so I can protect myself better,” you explained.

He let out a little hum before sighing, “I have to agree with him there, maus. As much as I’d rather just be there to protect you, your safety is important.”

Cheeks flushing, you agree quietly. Of course, you’d rather have your big Austrian lover there as your guard but, unfortunately, that was just the way the world was for now. You snuggled farther back into the bed and began telling him about the mysterious case of chlamydia rampaging through the barracks, and all the chaos it was causing. It made you grateful you hadn’t made the choice to sleep with anyone there during the two months you’d not seen König.

“I will never understand the urge some have to fuck anything that moves,” he muttered quietly.

“Me either,” you replied, “Not that I’m innocent by any means. I’m all about people having fun. Hell, I’ve had my fair share of hook-ups, but… at least make sure ya use protection, you know?”

König let out a noise that almost sounded like a growl and you halted your words instantly, concerned by the sudden shift.

“You okay?” you asked tentatively.

“Fine, just don’t like thinking about that,” he sighed darkly, “That others have touched you. They didn’t deserve to have that access to you.”

Before you could stop it, a little giggle escaped, earning a disgruntled huff in reply.

“Don’t worry about it, big guy. If you want, I’ll gladly tell you about how much better you are than anyone I’ve ever been with,” you teased.

There was a soft groan from his side of the line before he retorted, “That doesn't help much.”

You thought about your words carefully, about what might ease that little twinge of jealousy, until finally, it hit. Prey on that possessive nature of his that you loved so much.

Lowering your voice to a seductive whisper, you murmured, “Okay, how about the fact you’re the only man I’ve had sex with without a condom? Also, just remember, love, they may have had me first… but you’re my last.”

Maybe a little stronghanded with the last sentence but you were willing to put your hopes out in the open. Unless something drastic occurred, you couldn’t see not wanting to be with him, and he seemed thoroughly content with you.

“Ah, maus, now that does make it better,” he purred warmly.

Smirking, you replied, “Thought so.”

A familiar warmth coiled low in your belly as you let your thoughts linger on König and just how much better he was than any other lover. It was torture not being allowed to be in his arms. Even without the sexual aspect, you wanted nothing more than to just be in his presence, be allowed to see him, and touch him. Memories of your last night together and his beautiful face created a dangerous combination between your thighs.

“You’re quiet, what’s going on in that pretty head, hmm?” he asked suddenly.

“Ah, um… taxes?” you squeaked out.

You could feel the heat returning to your cheeks as he laughed and you realized you’d been caught daydreaming about him. How were you still so easily flustered by that man when you’d fucked him seven ways from Sunday on multiple occasions now?

“Taxes huh? Must be pretty entertaining if it’s taking your attention off of me,” he teased.

Pursing your lips, you quickly retorted, “Nothing could take my attention off of you, König. You’re practically a permanent fixture in my head now.”

There was a little rumble and you barely made out his quiet “Good” before there was a rustling on his end. Now it was his turn to be oddly quiet.

“What are you doing over there?” you asked curiously.

The deep noise he let out made your heart thump harder.

“Taxes.”

His breathless tone scrambled your brain and it took a moment to comprehend what he meant but once it hit, you felt the niggle of lust in your core ramp up quickly. Clenching your thighs together, you let out a sigh at the slight relief.

“Hmm, do you need help with those taxes?” you mused gently.

His response was a decidedly determined, “Yes!”

“Video chat?”

The line went dead in the next instant, startling and confusing you until you saw the screen light up with the video call request. You could tell your face was flushed dark in the little square that showed your image in the top right and it only made your embarrassment grow.

“Da ist mein wunderschöner, Liebling.”

“Well hello there, handsome” you murmured, unable to stop the grin spreading across your lips.

To your surprise, König was maskless and it made your heart do a little happy dance. He really was one of the most stunning people you’d ever seen. It was a shame he hid it all the time but you also understood his need for privacy with his anxiety and for secrecy.

“You look absolutely beautiful, mein schatz,” he purred quietly.

Warmth quickly filled your cheeks again, his complement reminding you that you were in pajamas with your hair unstyled and only the remnants of the day's makeup on your face. Thankfully, your pajamas weren’t too incredibly bad; a dark grey tanktop with lace along the neckline and matching shorts. It could have been way worse but you also wished you’d had the chance to clean up before he’d seen you.

“Says the male model,” you replied cheekily, “So, wanna show me these taxes I have to help with?”

He let out a snort but suddenly the camera was facing down his body. Your sharp gasp filled the air as he groaned softly. He was already fully hard and leaking, all flushed and beautiful and demanding. Even his massive hand couldn’t cover it completely. God damn.

“I’ve been hard since the moment I heard your voice,” he rumbled softly, “You drive me crazy.”

You watched in awe as he began to stroke his length, throaty little noises filtering through the phone’s speaker like a siren’s song. Setting the phone precariously on your breasts, you quickly shoved your shorts down your legs and kicked them off the end of the bed before picking it back up.

“Need to see you, maus,” he demanded huskily, “Show me what is mine.”

If it were possible, you would have died right then and there from his words.

“Just so you know, I’ve never really done this whole video sex thing before,” you admitted meekly, suddenly nervous by the thought of showing off over the camera.

“And you think I have?” he snickered, “You enjoy seeing me, ja?”

“Of course!”

“Then let me see you too. You know just how much I love your body,” he cajoled sweetly, “Or do I have to punish you for disobedience when I see you next, hmm?”

“No sir!” you gasped.

With a shaky sigh, you switched to the back camera and moved the phone down, ensuring you could still see him at the same time. Your fingers twitched eagerly against your thigh as he let out a low moan.

“Gutes mädchen, now, show me how you tease yourself.”

Excitement brewed to life under the prospect of being controlled from afar and you quickly moved to follow his orders. Your eyes fluttered shut uncontrollably as you traced your fingertips up and down your slit, nearly jumping at the light sensation when goosebumps crawled across your skin. This continued on for only a minute or two before he gave in and told you to slide a finger into your cunt. An uncontrollable whimper escaped as you felt your warm walls clamp down around the digit.

Forcing your eyes open once again, you intentionally began to match your thrusts to the pace of his hand. It was nothing nearly as good as the real thing, but it was close enough and you couldn’t deny the things this interaction was making you feel.

“Gut, gut, that’s it. Show me how wet you are.”

It took a moment to get the angle right but the instant you caught the glistening sheen across your lips and fingers, he halted his hand with a broken groan.

“I would give anything to have my face buried in that pretty little cunt right now,” he growled, “Go on, maus, show me how you make yourself feel good.”

“O-Okay,” you breathed softly.

The awkwardness of touching yourself with an audience was beginning to fade away, lost to pleasure and lust as you watched him. When you finally sunk two fingers into your hole and hooked them up against your g-spot, you nearly saw stars, a weak whimper falling from your lips.

“Ja, das ist ein gutes Mädchen. Lass mich dich hören,” König groaned, “Faster, schatz, keep up with me.”

Eager to obey, you swiftly withdrew your fingers and used the slick to rub your nub. With a finger on either side, you squeezed and rubbed and teased until your legs were shaking with need. Ecstasy swirled rampantly in your belly, growing tighter and tighter with each pass over your clit. It was hard to keep your eyes open but you refused to miss even a second of him. As you got closer and your little noises became harder to control, you could see the chain reaction it had on him, his hips bucking up into each movement as precum spilled over his fist. Oh, and his sounds, the quick smacking and heavy breathing felt like they were connected directly to your core.

“K-König, I’m close,” you warned him weakly.

“Scheiße, heilige scheiße,” he snarled, thighs going tense, “Ja, okay, hold it just a bit longer.”

A debauched whine filled the air and your brows furrowed in frustration. You’d never been good at delaying your climax, too focused on instant gratification, but there was no denying the way his command made your belly twist eagerly. Jesus, what was this man doing to you?

“I know, but I want you to come with me,” he grunted.

The heat was becoming too intense so you instinctively slowed your fingers down to ease the burn, only for him to snap at you to keep going.

“B-But I- please König,” you whimpered needily, “König, bitte, bitte, I-”

The reaction to his native language was immediate, body jolting so hard you nearly expected him to fall off his bed.

“I’m gonna count back from three. At one, I want you to let go, leibling, can you do that for me?” he panted out through moans.

With a little curse, you whined, “Yes, please just- Yes!”

“Drei…”

Fuck, he was doing it in German.

“Zwei…”

He fucking knew what that did to you.

“Eins… Now, now, Kleines!”

A cry of his name escaped in a breathless scream as your body nearly collapsed in on itself at his command, thighs shutting tight around your hand as rutted frantically into your hand. The pleasure coursing through your veins felt like it would drown you but it only got better when he followed suit. You watched in disbelief as ropes of cum shot out and covered his belly and hand, enamored by the way his cock twitched and throbbed as he squeezed out every last drop. Your name heavy on his lips brought that familiar heat back to your face.

“God, fuck,” you whined, jerking your hand away as the sensations became too strong.

A comfortable silence fell over you, only heavy pants breaking the quiet, until you felt rejuvenated enough to roll over and groan.

“Leibling?”

Picking up the phone, you turned it back to the front-facing camera and flashed him a little smile. His eyes were heavy and cheeks still flushed, lips quirked into a smirk as he ran a hand through his hair. How the fuck were you supposed to go the next four months without him?

“I have an embarrassing question,” you murmured after a moment.

He quirked a brow but replied, “Of course, maus, what is it?”

“Would- Would you be okay staying on call with me?” you asked before hastily adding, “Just til I fall asleep! I don’t wanna keep you too late.”

König’s expression turned into something soft.

“Of course but I’ll do better. We’ll stay on all night. Not as good as having you here but it’s better than being without you completely.”

…

“Again!”

Frustration broke through your lips in the form of an annoyed grunt as you punched the hand targets again; right, left, right. You narrowly missed getting hit in the face by the foam target when he swung it at you again. Unfortunately, between your exhaustion and poor balance, you collapsed to the floor with a yelp.

Max let out a honking laugh and you managed to open your eyes just enough to see him bent over, red-faced from laughter. What a jerk.

“Not funny,” you bit out coolly.

“On the contrary, I find it quite funny,” he retorted cheekily, “But, maybe this is a sign we need a break, aye?”

Lifting an eyebrow, you snapped back, “Ya think?! We’ve only been at this for like two hours!”

He shrugged his burly shoulders before settling down onto the ground next to you, handing over your water bottle as he drank from his own. It was a comfortable silence despite your panting, something you were grateful for. It was ironic, considering Max was filling in for Declan who was transferred out after some sketchy shit came up in his files. You couldn’t say you were upset by the change though. Max was the first soldier you’d been able to relatively get along with in months. There was something about his dry humor and easy-going nature that made him likable.

“Tomorrow it’ll be training at the range again. Wanna test you on more long-range options.”

You let your displeasure at the idea be known with the obnoxious long groan you released.

“I’m shit with long range! Just let me focus on getting better at what I’m good at,” you begged, turning to give him your best puppy dog eyes.

He simply stared you down with all the energy of a disappointed father.

“You won’t get good at it if you don’t practice.”

“… And?! I have gifted kid burnout syndrome,” you sighed, “All I want to do is what I’m already good at.”

If looks could kill, you were sure you’d be dead where you lay on the floor. You tossed him back an equally serious glare but within moments you both broke down into laughter.

“Shit, dude, you could kill with those eyes,” Max said, tossing his now-empty bottle aside, “What do ya say? Got ‘nother round in you or we packin’ it up?”

You took inventory of all your sore muscles and bruises before giving a little shrug.

“I’d prefer being able to walk at work tomorrow,” you retorted.

“Rest it is then,” he said as he got to his feet with a long groan.

Following suit, you snagged up your grey hoodie and released your hair from its messy ponytail, double-checking that you still had your phone before heading to the door.

“Hey, wait up a sec!” Max called before the door closed behind you.

You quickly caught it with your foot, trying to ignore the pain of the heavy door nearly crushing your littlest toe.

“Yeeess?”

“A couple of the guys and I are goin’ out to Seven’s tonight, that one bar on Cedar, if you wanna join us?” he asked.

Bile rose in your throat instantaneously as the memories of your last bar experience filled your thoughts- Daniel, the date rape drug, how König killed him in cold blood. Max was nice, respectful even; he hadn’t done anything yet that would make you suspect that he had more than a friendly interest in you, but after Daniel… any man besides König was a terrifying unknown. Apparently, the hesitation was clear on your face because he slapped a heavy hand down on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts.

“No pressure, Y/L/N,” he assured you with a gentle squeeze, “It’d be nice to hang with you without kickin’ your ass though.”

That brought a small smile to your lips. Damn him for being a nice person.

“I appreciate that but, uh, I don’t know many people here that well and-”

“Hey, that’s okay! This’ll be a good chance ta get ta know everyone, and, hey, I’ll be there so you’ll know someone,” he said.

Swallowing hard, you tried to think of a polite way to turn him down but it was impossible with how kind he had been this past week. When your lips parted finally to say no, he lifted up a hand, silencing you instantly.

“If this is about bein’ with a bunch of guys alone, I swear that I’ll protect ya,” he assured you gently, “My mum would have my ass if she knew I didn’t protect a lady, and that’s not even countin’ what’ll happen when Graves gets ahold of me.”

He was making this fucking hard, way harder than it should be. While you were used to being alone, there was no denying how painful it got at times. Especially on the nights when you couldn’t call König and talk to him. Having actual friends might be a nice change of pace.

“You swear?” you asked weakly.

He made an ‘X’ across his heart and said, “Solemnly swear.”

Letting out a sigh, you shifted your jacket farther up your arm before giving him a single nod.

“The instant I don’t feel safe, we’re out, got it?”

“Absolutely! And if anyone gives you trouble, just point me in their direction and they won’t even be a problem. Just consider me your guard dog for the night, yea?”

After agreeing to meet up outside the entrance gates, you scurried back to your room with your thoughts going a million miles an hour. Could you really trust Max? What would happen if you got separated? Would the other soldiers behave? Anxiety whirled through your brain like a tornado, creating more chaos than usual, until you were dressed and checking your reflection. You knew better than to dress in anything too eye-catching this time, settling for a simple black long-sleeved shirt and loose jeans with your work tennis shoes. Even with Max around, shit could happen.

You pulled your hair up into a tidy bun before dragging out your phone and shooting a text to König. He was gone on a mission and didn’t have the ability to answer calls on a whim, but you wanted to keep him updated on your whereabouts… just in case.

‘Hey love! I just wanted to let you know I’m going out to the local bar with some of the guys. My trainer Max, the one I told you about the other day, invited me. He promises he’s going to be my guard dog so I should be safe but I am bringing my pepper spray and self-defense keys too just so you know. No need to worry about me! I’ll text you again once I’m home safe. XO’

Once the text showed as delivered, you turned your ringer all the way up and slid it into your pocket, taking a deep breath for courage before braving the outside. Hopefully, this would be a turning point, a way for you to make friends and have people you could trust again. You shut and locked your door behind you, double-checking it out of cautiousness, then trekked across the base to the meeting point.

There had to be at least twelve to fifteen people gathered outside of the gates when you arrived. Thankfully, there wasn’t a single face you recognized from Daniel’s friend group in the little mass and you let out a relieved sigh before sliding up to Max’s side.

“Hey there! Glad ta see ya made it. Ready to go boys?” Max asked everyone.

A few affirmatives were thrown around before everyone split into separate groups, piling into three different cars. The two that split off with you and Max were chivalrous enough to insist you take the front seat and quickly started up a conversation about Yu-Gi-Oh of all things. Max, surprisingly, joined right in and even tried to involve you in the conversation a few times. It was sweet. By the time you were pulling up at the curb by the bar, somehow the topic had changed to poker and bets on who at the company would have the best poker face.

“I swear, Commander Graves would beat everyone,” you shot back, closing the car door behind you, “Have you been on the wrong side of his wrath yet?!”

“Nah, see, because scary doesn’t equate to a good liar,” Max retorted, “But, if we’re counting outside groups we’ve teamed with, you should see Captain Price. That man has nerves of steel. There’s no way to figure out when he’s bluffing!”

“Oh shit, yeah, haven’t thought about him in a while,” Luke, the younger of the trio shouted.

The chaotic conversation was overpowered by the sound of music, pool tables, and laughter when Max held the door open for you. You quickly slid by and waited right inside, unwilling to chance going more than a few steps away from them.

“Sooo, table first or drinks?” Trevor asked, rocking back and forth on his heels as he looked around the busy bar.

“Drinks. It’s gonna take a hot minute to get anything with that crowd,” Luke replied.

Falling in step beside them, you kept as close to Max as possible, doing your best to ignore the anxiety creeping up in your throat as you tried to decide on a drink. You didn’t want to be a wet blanket but you also weren’t sure about allowing yourself to become inebriated either. Plus with the drugs last time, the idea of alcohol you didn’t pour from the bottle yourself was unappealing. Thankfully, you had a good amount of time to think about it. Luke was correct in his assessment of the crowd. It took almost twenty minutes just to flag the bartender down and order your drinks.

“What’cha gettin’?” Max asked loudly.

You could only shrug in response. Max was nothing but attentive and instantly leaned down to your ear.

“Guard dog, remember? You don’t have to drink but if you do, I’ve got your back!” he reassured you.

“What’s it gonna be, doll?” the young woman across the counter asked blandly.

Shooting him a look that told him exactly how much trust you were putting into him, you smiled timidly at Max then leaned closer to the bartender.

“Just a lemon drop shot and a water please!”

With that, she was gone, and the guys picked back up on their previous discussion concerning the Captain Price they had mentioned, and some guys named Soap, Gaz, and Ghost. Just what the fuck kind of people had those names? Surely that had to be callsigns… right? 'Ghost' fucked with your mind the most. You could only imagine what he had done to earn that name. But Soap? Soap made you giggle. Did anyone take a soldier with that name seriously? You didn’t think you would if you met him.

A few minutes later, you all had your drinks and were headed to a table out on the back patio. It was perfectly cool outside, just a slight chilly breeze blustering about and filling the air with that familiar autumn scent. It was finally starting to feel like October. You sat beside Max and twirled your shot glass in circles, letting your gaze trail over all the different groups outside in the meantime. By twos and threes, the rest of the original clan joined the nearby tables until you were nestled comfortably between them all. You tried to keep up with the conversation but moreso just enjoyed watching them. It was a big group but they all talked together seamlessly. There was no denying the comradery between them and it created a warm, welcoming, feeling in your chest.

Max nudged your arm, pulling your gaze up to him, and you found him staring down at you with one brow lifted.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked.

Flashing him an easy smile, you nodded and replied, “Yeah, I actually am. Hey, uh, thanks for inviting me out.”

He rolled his eyes and waved you off with a scoff, before muttering, “Stop actin’ like it was some act of charity. You may not realize it, but you’re a joy to be around… well, when you’re not bein’ a pain in my ass and tryin’ to shoot me in the foot.”

Eyes widening in disbelief, you backhanded his arm gently.

“That was one time! And it was an accident!” you squeaked, cheeks burning hot.

“Yeah, one time too many,” he snickered back, taking a swig of his beer.

Muttering under your breath about the lack of trust and loyalty he had, you swallowed back the last of your anxiety and finally took the shot in front of you, which was surprisingly delicious.

“If ya need to get up and go anywhere, let me know, I’ll go with ya,” he added after a moment, “I’m on duty til I get ya back to your room.”

You gave him a thankful nod and nursed your water, tuning back into the conversation around you when Luke yelled at Max to defend him.

“What’d I miss?”

“Tell them I’m not actually bad at Mario Kart!” Luke whined, “I lost to Dave once and now he swears he’s better than me at it.”

Yu-Gi-Oh? Mario Kart? How in the fuck were these goofballs the same intimidating soldiers you saw around the barracks?

When Max actually spoke up for Luke, it created a mass of chaos and debates on who was actually better and led to bets for future games. Maybe you’d be lucky enough to join them when they did. It’d been some time since you’d played on more than your Nintendo Switch.

…

“So you’re coming out next time too, right?” Max asked, leaning up against the wall by your door.

“I guess,” you replied with a shrug, “If you guys want me to?”

He narrowed his eyes and bit out, “Noooo. I was asking because I was hoping you’d stay far far away on your lonesome.”

You nudged his ribs gently, trying to quiet your laughter in hopes of not disturbing any of the sleeping soldiers in nearby rooms.

“Shut up. I’m just not used to it is all,” you sighed.

“Well, get used to it, brat. I’m officially naming myself your guard dog older brother,” he retorted, “Now, go get some sleep. Don’t need you dead on your feet at training tomorrow.”

At the reminder of his plans to torture you with sniper training, you deflated against your door with a whine.

“Are you serious?!”

He smirked, patting your shoulder in mock sympathy, before rising to his full height once more.

“Gotta do it, kid. Better to get it done now than have Graves’ on our asses about slacking.”

You couldn’t find fault in his logic but that didn’t mean you liked it any more than you had before. Shooting him an evil glower, you popped your door open and stepped in.

“Night, brat!”

“Yeah, yeah, good night,” you huffed as you slammed the door shut.

Without even bothering to change, you flopped down into your bed and unlocked your phone, checking your notifications. There were a few updates from your social media but the only thing you cared to see were the texts from König.

‘Have fun and be safe. Please make sure you text me once you get home.’ at nine.

‘Leibling? Are you home yet?’ at ten thirty.

‘If I don’t hear from you by 12, I’m not responsible for my actions.’ at eleven thirty.

It was eleven-fifty now. Shit! You weren’t sure what he could do from so far away but you didn’t want to test his capabilities, nor did you want to worry him further. Pulling up his number, you hit call and waited nervously.

“Scheiße! Ich habe mir Sorgen gemacht, Liebling!”

His voice was tense and you instantly felt wilted, guilt filling your chest heavily.

“I’m so sorry, love. I had my ringer on but I didn’t hear any of the texts over the music,” you apologized quickly, “I didn’t mean to worry you, I promise!”

“It’s fine. I’m just glad to hear you safe,” he sighed, “Did you have a good time?”

Lips quirking into a little smile, you replied, “Yeah, it was nice. Would have been better with you there though. Oh, and I think Max has adopted me as his little sister.”

“Little sister, hmm?”

“Yup! He stood guard for me all night. Didn’t let a single person approach me and waited outside the bathroom for me and everything. I don’t know how, but I think he has an idea that something happened in the past,” you explained, “That or he’s just a really good guard dog.”

“That better be all he is,” you heard him grumble softly.

“Calm down, big guy,” you reassured him gently, “Or do I need to remind you why you’re my one and only?”

That got a reaction. The grunt of your name sent your hair on end and pulled a sly smirk to your lips. Yeah, you’d be glad to take the time to show him that you still belonged only to him.

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