#and I guess if anything it kinda shows my naivety and the fact I never had to deal with that in real life

[whisperofthewaves]

I’m playing a character in our dnd adventure who’s been distancing herself from her given name (which is tied to a noble family) and is using a name she made for herself, which also happens to be a male name, because she’s disguising herself as a guy - and this is kinda as far as I go in regards to her relationship to gender, bc frankly, neither me personally nor the character know how to relate to it. she’s a she. but she’s also a guy. I guess. or neither. I don’t know which and she doesn’t care - but last session she was tricked into giving her chosen name to a fey and at the end she could choose to get it back offering her given name for it. which she did. because her chosen male name was more true to her identity than her given name that ties her to her family and things she does not want for herself, and bc giving away the name would stop her from ever saying it again. our DM ruled that by doing that, she gave up her real true name, the one given to her by her parents. and the context of all this is silly, but it struck me, the whole concept of a true name resting on the fact that it was given to you by somebody else when you were nameless and had no say in choosing it, and prevailing regardless of your own feelings on it later, as something rather cruel.

[lilywoood]

You’ve got a Mail 1/?

Hi guys I’m back from my little hiatus, I want to thank you for bearing with me, for your support all along that painful time of my life, I want to thank you for all the love you gave to my family and I, most of all I want to thank you for your patience so here it is my new project, my ideal crossover, here is the surprise I was preparing hoping that you’ll come to like it and that you’ll want to embark in this new journey. ♥️♥️♥️

If you like it and want to be tagged in futur part hit my askbox ♥️♥️.

Tag list : @felicitous-one, @translucent-bisexual @cherishingstydia @diazbuckleysworld @chrrlees @justsmilestuffhappens @comablog2 @hardychick89

Word count : 1543

Song : When the party’s over - Billy Eilish

“Hello my name is Evan “Buck” Buckley, I’m a 28 Virgo firefighter in LA and I recently was diagnosed with severe PTSD”

Buck sighed looking at his computer screen, like every nights for the past three weeks he was writing and deleting the same message, battling with himself about wether he should post it or not, wondering if it would really help, if they were really people out there who could understand him, support him, comfort him... and just like every nights he resigned himself, he deleted the message, closed his laptop and went straight to his fridge shoulder slumped and a tired chuckle escaping his lips, he knew better than hoping, hope was for dreamers, for idealists, for the old Buck, not for the new him, the adult Buck, Buck 2.5.

Throwing a quick glance at the clock above the fridge he noticed how it was a little close to 2a.m, he knew he should probably get back to sleep, try to get some rest so that he would be fully efficient, so that he wouldn’t give his team another reason to criticize him, another reason to blame him if something were to go wrong.

It was an impossible task, sleeping didn’t mean rest anymore, sleeping was akin to torture for Buck, sleeping meant reliving the bombing, it meant that his left leg will start to ache, would get numb, it meant he would start to feel the heaviness of the truck, that his ears would start to buzz, that his breathing would get harder because the aches were clogging his lungs, and then water would replace the aches, then he’ll hear himself scream Christopher’s name but Christopher never called back, he was never saved...

His eyes kept on going from his couch to the six pack in the fridge, he was tempted to drink it all, tempted to down it until he passed out, after all passing out was not far from sleeping except that they won’t be nightmares, flashes, screams, passing out meant a dreamless sleep and that what he needed, what he yearned...

He wasn’t thrilled to get to work that morning, his head was pounding thanks to a raging headache and his muscles were sore due to the accumulation of sleepless nights....

He tiredly went through his morning routine, first a little run around his block, then a quick shower followed by breakfast and swallowing all the pills his therapist prescribed, final with little to no motivation got ready for work, already knowing what was awaiting him at the firehouse, knowing that they were going to make assumptions of how bad he looked...

He knew he looked like shit he felt like it too, that didn’t meant it was okay for people to remind him how bad it was, still he could already hear them, hear the critics, the whispers, could feel the glares...

He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to face them but he had to, he had to prove them he deserved his place, prove them he was right, show them he wasn’t a petulant kid, he was a fighter, a survivor, a warrior.

It’s been two months since he’s been reinstated, two months since he was ostracized, two months of nasty comments, two months of cold shoulders, two months of isolation, two months of loneliness.

If he was his old self he would have been gutted by it, he would have tried to win them back, would have been crawling at their feet begging for forgiveness , but he wasn’t Buck 2.0 anymore, gone was his childlike naivety, gone was his tendency to forgive and forget, he was like them now, an adult, a grown up forged by deception and betrayal, set on fighting for what was right, for what he deserved, he wasn’t going to beg, wasn’t going to forgive, he was fighting now, proving himself and not letting any of them makes him doubt his decisions, his choices they could either accept it or get lost.

He was always the first to get to the station, it was a decision he’d made three days after his reinstatement, after he overheard some of his teammates protest over his comeback, after he heard Chim and Eddie joke about how he wouldn’t make it till the end of the shift, after he heard them bet on what his next injury would be and if this time he would finally understand that he wasn’t meant to be a firefighter.

He never felt as betrayed and hurt as that day, never felt so much hate, bitterness and resentment for people he loved, admired, cherished, it wasn’t their comments, their glares and badmouthing that made him detest them, it was how they turned his love and respect for them into animosity, loathing, venom.

He was well entranced in reorganizing the inventory when he heard them, the taunting sound of their laughers.

He felt a shiver run down his spine, he felt his heart clenching in his chest, he felt stupid and ridiculous, it was pathetic how much he missed and loathed them.

It was close to lunch break when Hen joined him in the room, he was recounting the numbers of gauzes when she taped him on his shoulder making him jump back .

-Hey Buck, she smiled taking place next to him, didn’t saw you up here, she mentioned.

-Yeah, he shrugged, I didn’t, he stammered, I didn’t really felt like eating today, he chuckled still focused on his counting.

-You know avoiding us....avoiding them, she frowned, it won’t fix things, she offered

-I heard them, Buck whispered facing her, I heard them joke about how I wasn’t fit for this job, he snorted, how I was a walking disaster.

-Oh Buck, she gasped, I’m sure they didn’t...

-They meant it Hen, he cut, they meant every damn words, he growled stopping himself when he noticed her flinching, sorry, he croaked, god I’m such a mess, he mumbled kneeling down.

-Hey no no, she interrupted him, no need, to apologize, she reassured him, Buckaroo, she called softly, I’m not mad at you, she grinned.

-I’m just... it’s just I’m cranky cause I didn’t sleep well, he croaked, sorry I took it on you.

-You’re still having nightmares , she remarked sadly.

-I’m kinda used to them now, he tried to joke.

-Did you told someone about it, she frowned.

He nodded his eyes fixed on some stain on the floor, Hen bumped their shoulders accepting his sudden silence.

-I go to therapy twice a week, he whispered, I have a treatment, he pursued, but sometimes even the strongest medications can’t keep the brain from remembering, he admitted.

-I take that therapy doesn’t help, she stated.

-It help more than I though, he objected, it’s just sometimes I’d like to talk about it with someone that could relate to me.

-Someone with who you could share it without feeling analyzed, she nodded in understanding, did you told this to your therapist, she asked.

-Yes, he chucked, she, he cleared his throat, actually she...she tried to get me to join some sort of online therapy group, he frowned, for people with PTSD.

-And that’s not your thing, she guessed, Buck shrugged not knowing how to explain himself, is it the internet thing or the fact that it’s with people you don’t know, she pursued.

-I assumed that if I needed to talk about it, you guys would have my back, he wheezed, but then it all went wrong, he sniffed, and the only person that could understand me, the only person I could talk with now hates my gut, he gasped, so tell me how can I rely on strangers when my own friends turned their back on me, he smiled tears rolling down his cheeks.

-I’m not turning my back on you, Hen declared hugging him tightly, you have me and Karen if you need, she offered, but Buck, she added, maybe you should give that online thing a shot until things get better here, she offered before the alarm went off forcing her to leave him behind.

The rest of his day went smoothly, the 118 spend their shift having calls after calls, meaning that he never had to cone across one of them much to his relief, still Hen words have been playing in his head all day, that’s how he found himself glaring at his computer screen once he got home.

He was reading over and over the message he was about to post, trying to come up with an excuse, with anything that could make him delete it once more, but when he closed his eyes to think about it all he could see were the flashes, the memories, the reminders, he needed help, he needed friends and support and if his surrogate family couldn’t give it to him then maybe he could find it in the comfort of strangers.

So with trembling fingers and an over beating heart he clicked send, he took the leap and was rewarded mere seconds later with a new message less shorter than his, and a bit warmer, he took it as a sign that his wish, his prayer has finally been heard.

“Hi Buck my name is Tyler Kennedy “TK” Strand, I’m a 26 Scorpio firefighter in Austin, I’m also struggling with PTSD among other things, so if you ever wanna chat don’t hesitate”

[offtopicoverload]

Howdy there!! Who are the li’s you fancy the most from LITG??

hi! thanks for the ask!

i honestly dunno who’s my top answer, cuz they’re all interesting in their own way

I’m only going to talk about female LIs cuz the only male routes I’ve finished are Bobby and Jake, and I tapped through most of Jake and only ended with Bobby on my first run cuz I never unlocked Marisol, so I’m not the best source lol

Talia:

She’s just so chill but has no problem standing up for MC, she has her back no matter what

Which, like, what a queen

She’s the original and only one of 4 LIs, which maybe it’s just me, but for a game based on an incredibly heteronormative reality show, allowing representation for queer audiences from launch is such a big deal and so cool to me, so Talia’s kind of special in my mind

She was also my first LI so nostalgia points

And she’s such an easy LI, not much drama on her route outside of Lucy, just her having MC’s back as the boys make themselves look like idiots

And she has so much potential, like I know some people think her only personality trait is fancying MC, which I mean, is a little fair, but there’s so many opportunities for her in fics and headcanons to develop the good amount of information we got on her in 13 days

I absolutely love how self-aware and confident she is

She just went for what she wanted, struggled a bit with commitment at first, because who wouldn’t, but after that it was smooth sailing

Like obviously what she said in the Beach Hut at the beginning of the season wasn’t great for MC, but she knew exactly what she wanted out of her time on the show

She was confident in herself and her sexuality so much so that she was just down to have a fling with a girl and not worry about how it would effect the show

And then she *coupled up* with that same girl, not even giving a shit about the rules or anything

A queen

Allegra:

I know she’s not an official LI, but her arc is what got me into writing so she gets a million points for that

I love what could have been done with her progression if she was given an actual route, I’m a sucker for some good enemies to lovers, but alas, she’s canonically a bad bitch with a lot of internalised homophobia yet enough confidence to ask MC out

I still love her

Marisol:

I know so many people hate her, and I get it, but I do really like her growth

Maybe it’s cuz I’m pretty analytical too, but her analyses never bothered me or anything, and now that I’ve played her route so many times, it’s pretty obvious that that’s a defense mechanism, and I understand that

She very much so has a “figure their weaknesses out before they have a chance to figure mine out” attitude, and I’m 99% positive it’s because of the ex that Elisa reminded her of

So not only has she been burned in the past, I’m willing to bet it was by the only woman she’s been in a serious relationship with

I really have no problem with her commitment issues, it’s understandable, and I can really empathise with her fear of coming out, it’s absolutely terrifying even if you’ve accepted it and bought a flag, saying the words can be really difficult

My biggest issue is her entitlement and immaturity, I guess?

Like her using Graham to make MC jealous just feels like an excuse to crack on with him and still have MC available for when she’s ready

I understand her being scared to couple up, but playing games to distract herself just made things with MC worse

And unless youre on her route, and sometimes even when you are, it’s clear to me that she expects things and has no problem saying what they are, but going after them is a problem?

Like her going after Lurik even though they don’t have a connection, or Gary even when he’s with Hannah

But then it never works and she gets sad and I melt because I’m weak

ALSO, can I just say how awful it is that Lucas and Henrik don’t pick her unless they have to???

Like cmon she deserves MC after that

And when they finally couple up? And she’s all soft? The GROWTH ohmygod

Anyway I love who Marisol became, maybe not everything she started out as, but definitely the person she ended the season as, more confident and self assured and willing to be vulnerable

It’s precious

Elisa:

I still haven’t done an Elisa route

I tried to a couple months ago, but dumping Marisol felt so cruel, what the hell was Fusebox thinking with that?? 

I do really like that they learned from their mistake though, even if they went in the opposite direction

From what I’ve seen of Elisa, she can be pretty sweet, I’ve seen her described as a Lucas-Bobby hybrid, and while that’s not the most interesting personality to me, I will say that she’s a really cool character that FB messed up on

Why did they make her a straight up villain???

And why ONLY her???

None of the other female LIs have been villains or had such a complete 180

Like her going from shouting at Chelsea, who is literally meant to be MC’s ride or die and the person outside of your LI that youre supposed to want to defend and avenge, to “i cant even sleep because im pining so hard”

I know the treatment of black women has been discussed before, specifically in regards to Hope and Erikah, and it is by no means my place to speak on it, but I definitely think something’s going on with Elisa

Anywayyyy, I love her archetype

The celebrity and influencer has so much potential, to the point that I wrote a one shot without even knowing her lmao 

And she’s so confident in a way that’s so different from Marisol

She doesn’t even care if MC’s happily coupled up, she WILL get in her pants and I respect that

In conclusion, Fusebox did her dirty and I’m probably going to try and retcon some canon for her in the future

Lottie:

Ohmygod

Lottie

A goth babe

Lottie

Yeah, anyway, so I love her

Her growth is just unbeatable in my opinion

Yeah, she still has her flaws by the end of the season, but she went from ready to rip everyone’s throat out to biting her tongue around Hannah

And her and MC???

And the development between them??? 

Ugh

No matter what way you swing it, you’ve either got best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers and I adore both

And her aesthetic is one of my favourites, I’m alt myself and having a character like that is just so cool

My Runaways MC is a ball of sunshine with some hidden darkness specifically because Lottie’s such a dark cloud but can start shining with the right person, and that’s my absolute favourite trope

But man were the wedding episodes a cop out

Why couldn’t they give her the Noah treatment? Or the single treatment? Where they just get together after the show? Same with Hannah, why are they giving such an intense confession after who knows how long of literally nothing, like no communication even????

Don’t get me wrong, I kinda simultaneously love it for the angst and yearning, but it just… makes no sense?

So yeah, amazing bat lady that I seriously vibe with and wish my MC could have wifed up

Hannah:

I know this is a little controversial buuuut

I fucking love Hannah

But only OGHannah, Returning Hannah was butchered and I will never let that go

And it was such a toxic message too, that she needed to change herself and her appearance just to get a guy to like her?

Fuck that, Original Hannah was amazing and perfect exactly as she was

I love her trope, too, the naivety and how obvious and clear it was that she’s still learning about the world and relationships, to the point that it’s going to get her in trouble

And her obsession with fairy tales? 

Fucking adorable ohmygod

I started a fic a while ago that I think I’m gonna scrap, that just indulged in the fairy tale metaphors and stuff because I just love how cute it is lmao

If she wasn’t dumped, I think she could have had amazing growth alongside Lottie, and their friendship/kinda, probably, most-definitely-if-MC’s-not-there-more-than-a-friendship growing together would have been so good

In an alternate reality Hope was dumped instead, and that helps me sleep at night

I firmly stand by the fact that Noah should have been the deciding factor between Hope and Hannah/MC, where Lottie said something that screwed with his head earlier in the day to make sure her friends were safe

Noah should have saved Hannah/MC and Hope should have returned with Rocco, hellbent on revenge and proving herself

That would have been so good for Noah stans and such good drama, that actually made perfect sense

Hope was fully expecting that she’d get picked by Noah because they’d spent three days attached at the hip and then to just… not have that happen. It would have driven her insane and if there was then a scene with MC where she just like, gives up

Like she’s spent the past two days grafting Noah but he won’t make up his mind and she’s just done and MC can comfort her or fight with her and you just get to humanize her make her vulnerable and hurting and I fucking WISH they did something like that, even for RHannah

And Hannah’s growth in the Villa would have been so amazing

I think her idea of a perfect guy is definitely too much, and I’m not advocating that she settles by any means, just that she could have learned that there are things more important than money

That conversation on day 1 where you choose between money, kindness, and intelligence still baffles me

Like why are you a gold digger Hannah?!?!

Why don’t you just want a Prince/ss Charming???

Her and Hope should have swapped and I don’t understand why they weren���t

I mean, I do really like Hope, but Hannah’s just so cute and has so much to learn and her struggling in the Villa just to have a lightbulb moment with MC would have been precious and now I want to write it dammit

Anyway, Hannah is adorable and had so much potential and she never should have returned if they were just going to scrap everything that made her Hannah, except for snooty literature

I wanna listen to her rattle on about Belle and Mulan and every other Disney Princess and what they meant for representation and progress in media and then compare them to their original stories like a dweeb and I would have melted on the spot

Like yes, please tell me more about how gruesome Cinderella is

She should have shown up at the finale and hugged MC and been innocent and sweet so I could have just lost my shit for like a half hour

But stan OGHannah, burn RHannah

AJ:

Adorable, precious, denied an arc outside of coming out

I am not exaggerating when I say that I cried at 4:30 in the morning at her blushing face when playing the first two days

It’s just so fucking cute and I’m a sap and I don’t know why it made me cry, but it did okay?!

And her coming out was such good representation!!! By far the best thing in Boat Party, and I’m so proud of the progress FB’s made in queer representation at the very least

I know she’s pretty one dimensional, but most of S3 is unfortunately

Her being available right off the bat was also such a win, I’m positive it’s the reason she had so many stans

If her and Yasmin had switched or her and Lily, they would have been the ones that were dominating Reddit polls and stuff

And I know she’s written as masc but I just can’t really see it? Like I can’t see her in a dress, but outside of a few clothing items, I guess I just can’t see it? Maybe androgynous is more the word for my image of her, like definitely a mix

She’ll wear a skirt under the right circumstances, but never a dress, a crop top with a flannel, her prom outfit that’s like a frilly jumpsuit, stuff like that? idk im not a lesbian

Her route for me was so glitchy, but I know that if MC’s stolen from her by Yasmin, Tai, or Ciaran, she has some really cute scenes and I wish I could have seen them

And I know some people were ragging on her for the eyelash at the end of the scene but I thought that was just a perfect callback - maybe it’s the writer in me

Basically, AJ’s adorable and why did Ciaran have to split her and MC up, not cool dude

Yasmin:

I forgot I was doing a Yasmin route a while ago, but from what I’ve seen and played, she’s really sweet 

I hate that she’s almost nonexistent outside of her route

Give us a mysterious musician friend, you cowards!

I saw that she sings to MC on the final date and damn is that cute

Her eyeshadow kinda throws me off, but her stuffed animal makes up for it

And I’m salty that Yasmin the Lamb disappeared too, that was such a nice detail that made me start a Yasmin route

She’s distant and self-assured, but has a soft, gooey, nostalgic center and I wish we saw more of that, even if we weren’t on her route

My final thoughts on Yasmin: An artsy indie icon that I really need to stop getting distracted from and finish her route

Lily:

Again, don’t know much about her, but she seems really cool

Her shaving her head between the finale and Boat Party is such a flex and I wish she did it right before Boat Party so we could see her in all her bald glory

She’s into cars, right? And… architecture?

Idk, I barely remember my own name, let alone a 10 minute date from months ago

But I’ll definitely get around to doing her route at some point, maybe just to write for her, we’ll see

Elladine:

I know she’s not an LI, but MC so should have been able to run away with her

I missed that option in S3

I kinda get why they didn’t do that, but Boat Party’s just so messy in general

And I would include Genevieve here, but she’s so cute with Seb that I’d feel bad splitting them up

But Elladine had actual problems with Nicky!!!

Why did they mention it for it to never pay off??

And I’m so mad that the hype around her died when it was revealed she wasn’t an LI or the badass of the season, because I still adore how sweet she is

I also want to brag that before we got a name I was calling her Emma and that’s just on example of my almost psychic-ness

But yeah I wanted Ell to be a run away option and I’m salty that she wasn’t

Know what, fuck it, Viv too, she’s smart and cool as hell, let us love these awesome women FB, you cowards!!!

I have no idea who would be my number 1 based on canon, but if we’re talking hypotheticals, I think my answer, as strange as it is, is Hannah.

I just love what she could have been, but by no means what she is. 

It’s so awkward to know her for three days, not see her for three weeks, then spend a couple more days with, a couple weeks at most, just for her to write a whole ass book about MC?? And tell her about it with that hair????

No thanks, I’ll stick with closeted sapphic horse girl nerd Hannah because I guess that’s somehow my type??? Oh god what the fuck I swear I’m not a total weirdo

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Eleven

Updates: Sundays

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark, Jaemin, Johnny) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Author’s Note: I apologize that my updates have not been at the time I had originally designated. I’ll still be posting on Sundays (except this week since it’s after Sunday. I’m sorry!), but there will no longer be a specific time. Thank you! 

Before I Met You Masterlist

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Sunday evening, I open the door to my house and walk in to hear chatter and laughter amongst my housemates. My new home was previously a frat house, but had been renovated to serve as general student housing. There were fifteen separate rooms – one to three people in each room and shared common rooms and a kitchen downstairs. The color schemes of the dining room and living room were atrocious interesting – dark blue walls opposite tan and mustard yellow ones with a series of white trimmed windows. The dining room was paired with dark brown dining room tables, a pool table, and several granite-top bar tables. The living room was no better with oddly color-blocked couches and chairs and an ancient piano that desperately needed to be tuned. The dim yellow lighting throughout the house created a nice atmosphere for relaxing, but was absolutely horrendous for late-night studying. Perhaps the lighting was purposely horrible to make it so dark you couldn’t see how terrible the design choices were. Despite this strange mesh of interior designing, it still managed to create an all-around cozy environment.

The first week of classes had just ended and I was returning from a dinner outing with my former roommate.

As I head towards the spiral staircase, I briefly look to my left to see three boys playing pool and some others doing homework in the main dining room. I recognize one of the boys from our move-in meeting; he was quiet, but had a very soothing voice when he spoke. His name was Ren – Ren-something?

My room has a much simpler design compared to downstairs; grayish walls with the same white trimmed windows as downstairs, a mini-fridge, microwave, and simple wooden furniture staples for two people. Though boring, at least it didn’t give you eye strain.

The light in my room is on when I enter and my new roommate, Jia, is sitting at her desk watching a Chinese reality show and eating dinner.  

“Hey!” she greets. “Where did you go?”

“I went to dinner with my roommate from last year,” I say. “What are you eating?”

“I ordered some Chinese food.”

Jia is an international student from Beijing, double-majoring in statistics and business. She came to the U.S. when she was fourteen to attend high school on the east coast. As a result, she’s been quite sheltered, a lack of life experience and hints of naivety evident when you speak to her. Having been sent here for school, she was expected to work hard to get a good education and hopefully, a well-paying job. That’s what her focus has been all her life: jumping academic hoops.

As I place my purse and jacket on my desk, I grab my water bottle and head back downstairs to the kitchen to refill it.

As I step foot into the dining room to get to the kitchen, the three boys shooting pool immediately stop playing and look up at me. I pause upon making eye contact with the boy who caught my eye at our meeting and hesitate for a moment before offering a half smile. He stares at me, remaining expressionless. I quickly look away, regaining enough composure to continue walking towards the entrance to the kitchen. But as soon as I have my back to the three boys, a wave of discomfort pulses through my body. I can’t explain why, or how I even know considering I don’t have eyes on the back of my head, but I can feel that one of them is still watching me as I’m walking away – and it’s not the one from the meeting.      

When I reach the water dispenser, I shake my head in dismissal, attributing the sudden feeling of discomfort to a figment of my imagination. You couldn’t even see him. They just looked at you because you entered the room. That’s all.

When my water bottle is half full, I hear the three of them walk into the kitchen and begin pulling out several pans and other kitchenware out of the cabinets next to the stove. The water dispenser is on the other side of the kitchen, so I keep my back to the them, but am unable to shake the feeling of the one that was standing next to the shy boy with the nice voice. I quietly huff in frustration. Why do I keep feeling like he was looking at me? Does he… think I’m attractive? Hyojin did say I get looked at a lot when we hang out together. Maybe I’ll talk to him.

The three of them start cooking, walking back and forth between the stove and the sink that’s several feet away from me. While screwing the cap back onto my bottle, I turn around and immediately lock eyes with the boy in question as he walks towards me. He stares at me for several more moments before breaking eye contact and bringing his gaze back towards the ground.

My eyes narrow. Okay, that was kind of weird.

I walk over to the large refrigerator in the middle of the kitchen, reaching into my reusable grocery bag sitting on the second shelf to pull out an apple before heading over to the sink to wash it.

A moment later, the boy with the nice voice walks up next to me to wash a pot. I take a step to my right to give him more space, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser and wrapping it around my apple. I continue to stand there awkwardly, over-drying the fruit while contemplating on whether or not I should introduce myself.

I decide to bite the bullet.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Renjun. What’s yours?”

“Y/N.”

There’s a momentary pause, the sound of running water filling what could have been a very awkward silence. Renjun keeps his focus on the pot.

“What’s your major?” he asks.

“Uh, biology. Yours?”

“CS and math.”

His responses are very quiet. Even in tone. Emotionless. I look at him as he rinses the soap off of the pot and his face remains expressionless. Do you ever smile?  

“Oh, nice,” I remark. God, even I’m boring.

“Where are you from?” he asks.

“Oregon,” I reply.  

“Portland?” asks another voice.

I flip around and see that the boy who had just stared at me is standing in the middle of the kitchen with a polite smile on his face.  

“Medford!” I say.

Huh! You were listening to our conversation…

I’m a bit dumbfounded when he nods and walks back over to the third boy standing at the stove, wondering why he didn’t continue to talk to me considering he was clearly interested enough to listen in on my conversation with Renjun.

My eyes flicker over to the wooden dining table near the window, a collection of bright colors having caught my eye. Coupon books. Maybe Suji will want one of these. She has a whole stash of them in her desk.

I take out my phone and look around briefly to make sure no one is watching particularly the weird staring boy while I snap a photo of the coupon book to text to Suji to see if she’s interested. While waiting for her response, I grab one of the coupon books and flip through it to see if there’s anything in particular she might want.

Pizza, ice cream, sandwiches, dentist…

I place the book back on the table and look up as the boy walks towards me; he’s staring at me again.

Opportunity has arrived.  

I look back at him, briefly narrowing my eyes in curiosity. “What’s your name?” I ask, completely skipping the formalities.

“Jaemin!” he says as his eyes shoot open in surprise. “And you?”

“Y/N.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Y/N,” he says with a smile.

I smile back at him.

“Um –” he tilts his head and looks at me thoughtfully “– why were you taking pictures of the coupon book?”  

Shit. Someone was watching me. I specifically checked to make sure no one was, especially YOU.

I chuckle nervously. “Oh, uh, I didn’t think anyone was watching,” I murmur to myself. “I was sending a picture to see if my friend wanted one.”

“Oh!” he remarks. “I thought you were taking pictures to try and save paper or something. Like why not just take one?”

“Oh, no.” I bite the inside of my lip before smiling out of embarrassment. “Yeah, I was seeing if there was anything my friend might want.”

I guess I’m not imagining anything. You are, in fact, watching me.

“Ah.” He gives me an understanding nod, quickly choosing to move onto another subject. “So what’s your major?” he asks.

“Biology. How about you?”

“EECS.”

“Oh, nice.”

He looks at me quizzically, apparently surprised by my lack of being impressed. Most people were fascinated when they met an EECS (electrical engineering, computer science) major as that was the hardest major to be accepted into at the university. It was also one of the most rigorous majors, which led to an onslaught of jokes about EECS students only showering once a month and being too nerdy to get into a relationship.  

“Yeah, you always wonder what people’s responses will be, you know?”

“Yeah…” I say slowly, offering a courteous smile that doesn’t fully reach my eyes.  

I’m guessing he wasn’t satisfied that I don’t seem impressed.  

“Are you pre-med?” he asks.

My eyes widen in horror. “Oh dear, no.”

“So what do you plan on doing?”

“Research. I never wanted to go to medical school.”

“Huh, interesting. Why?”

“I don’t like blood.” I crinkle my nose. “I also don’t really feel like being in school forever. Granted, I have to go to grad school and will be in school forever anyway.”

“True.” He chuckles. “So what do you think of this place?” he asks, referring to the house.

“I actually really like it!” I grin at him. “Despite the questionable design choices, I like it. It’s quiet.”

“Yeah, it’s quiet, but I think it’s kinda… antisocial.”

“True.” I shrug. “I don’t know, it kinda works for me. If I want to talk to people, I can. If I don’t, I can do that too. I don’t talk to that many people… not the friendliest person,” I say with a small smile.

He looks at me skeptically. “You seem pretty friendly to me.”

“Depends on who I’m with,” I reply with a shrug.  

“Ah, yeah, oh –” He quickly turns his head towards Renjun, suddenly realizing that he hadn’t been helping out his roommates with their dinner preparations. “Hey, Renjun, do you need help?”

“No, it’s fine,” Renjun curtly responds.  

He nods once and turns back to me. “So what are your plans for the rest of the night?”

“Uh, probably just catch up on some work.”

“You’re so productive.”

“I’m trying to keep up with everything to do better this semester.” I frown. “But the problem is that I’m really bad at physics.”

“Oh, I’m taking physics too!”

“Are you in the one specifically for engineers?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay,” I reply. “I’m in the other one. I’m just frustrated because we’re doing kinematics and I used to be really good at it in high school and now it’s like I’ve completely forgotten how to do it.”

“That’s what happened to me with circuits. I did it in high school, but I can’t seem to do it anymore.”

I smile at him, unsure of what to say as he leans in towards me, putting his weight on the back of a kitchen chair.

“I could probably help you with physics sometime,” he offers.

Oh! Well that’s nice of him. I could use the help.

However, there’s an… unsettling feeling in my chest. Suspicion – that’s what it is. Suspicion that this isn’t just a friendly offer for help.

“That would be very helpful! Thank you!” I respond, trying to keep my tone even to avoid giving away my intuition.

“Do you just do work in your room?”

“Uh, sometimes. I hate the chairs we have in the room, so I normally just work on my bed or I go downstairs to the piano room.”

“Ah, yeah. I should probably go downstairs or something because I don’t get anything done in my room.”

I pause for a moment, contemplating on whether or not to say my next immediate thought. My goal for this year was to make new friends and I had begun to develop a habit of offering open invitations for people to spend time with me. In a split second decision, I reasoned that this was no different. It’s not like I was interested in the guy. It’s also somewhat of a personal experiment to see if my intuition is correct: that he actually is interested and would take up my offer.

“Well, if you want company, I’m almost always in the piano room! I usually go down there because if I work in my room, I just watch TV,” I say.

“Oh, what do movies do you watch?”

“I actually watch television shows, but I’ve been watching the Justice League until my shows come back.”

“And what shows are those?”

“Uh, NCIS, Castle, The Blacklist, and The Flash.”

“Oh. So superheroes, some mystery and action.” He nods in approval. “Those are shows I’d be into if I watched them.”  

“Oh nice! Yeah, it’s pretty easy to get distracted and just watch in my room. It’s very relaxing.”

“Well, it’s quiet.” A smirk forms on his face. “So it fits with your personality, right?”

The corner of my mouth raises in amusement. “Right.”  

I take a good look at him. Jaemin is tall, relatively slim, and fairly attractive. Though, it’s interesting. He looks young and innocent, but there’s something about his eyes. They’re playful, but there’s mischief behind that playfulness. He’s quite charming and that look in his eyes is enough to tell you that he knows it too.

“Which room are you in?” he asks.

“202.”

“Oh, I think that’s down the hall from me. I’m in 206. But yeah, whenever you need help, just –” he makes a weird gesture with his hands “– knock on the door.”

I nod, but a thought crosses my mind. “Actually –” I pull out my phone from my back pocket and hand it to him “– why don’t I just get your number? Then I can just text you and won’t have to worry about bothering your roommates.”

“Hey, Jaemin.” Renjun places a plate of food on the table. “This is yours.”

Jaemin gives me back my phone and smiles at me. “All right, well, I’m gonna go eat dinner. It was nice meeting you!”

“Yeah, you too!”

I take a bite into my apple and walk outside to sit on the porch, dialing my dad’s number for our nightly call.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” I sing. “So I met this guy. His name is Jaemin and he seems pretty friendly.” I click my tongue. “Though, I got this weird feeling that he thinks I’m cute or something because… he kept staring at me and then later he offered to help me with physics.”

“What’s his major?”

“EECS.”

“Are you interested in him?”

“No,” I say. “He’s cute, but he’s not really my type. It was really weird though because I walked into the dining room when he and his roommates were playing pool and they all stopped playing as soon as I walked in and watched me until I left.”

“Are you going to take him up on his offer to help you with physics?”

“Yeah, probably. I actually do need help.”

“It’s nice of him to offer, but he probably does have something for you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Guys don’t just offer to help you in physics if they’re not interested.”

I chortle at my dad’s response and with a slight hint of sarcasm, respond with, “Are you sure? You don’t think he’s just being nice?”

He scoffs. “Nice? Uh-uh, sorry, I don’t think so.”

I continue giggling when he asks if I’m going to work downstairs tonight.

“Yeah, later after I clean up a bit. I told him I’m usually downstairs so I guess we’ll see if he shows up.”

When I arrive downstairs, laptop and books in hand, both of the work tables have been claimed by other residents. I turn to my right, figuring I’ll work at the coffee table instead. To my surprise, Jaemin is sitting on the couch, hunching over his laptop and a notebook he placed on the coffee table. There’s a flash of amusement in my eyes, but I bite back a smirk when Jaemin looks up and waves.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Looks like the personal experiment has given us some confirmation…

To say I didn’t feel a sense of satisfaction from Jaemin actually taking up my offer within a matter of a few hours would have been a lie. It’s flattering.

I walk over to where he is and set my things down before sitting on the floor across from him. “Hey.”

“Hi,” he greets. “Doing work?”

“Yeah, I’m going to the marina with my roommate tomorrow so I need to finish up some things before Tuesday.”

While waiting for my laptop to boot, I grab my phone to send a text.

Me to Dad [8:56 PM] Guess who came downstairs?

Dad [9:00 PM] Does that mean he’s interested? 😉

Me [9:01 PM] I guess so?

“I think you have the right idea,” a voice says.

“What?” I ask, looking up at Jaemin in curiosity.

“Sitting on the floor,” he replies as he starts moving from the couch to the floor.

I open an internet browser and habitually log into Facebook instead of my physics homework assignment. There’s a message notification from Hyojin regarding some video she saw.

“Hey, Jaemin!” Renjun’s voice calls from the doorway. “Want one?”

“Oh sure!” Jaemin stands up and begins walking over to Renjun. I hear a loud smack when Jaemin catches something with a plastic wrapper. “Thanks!”

As I type a response back to Hyojin, a teasing voice elicits an embarrassed smile from me for the second time that night.  

“That’s not studying.”

I look up at Jaemin as he glances down at me. A playful smirk has formed on his face, bringing back that mischief in his eyes.  

“Want some?” he asks, holding up a small bag of chips.

“No, thanks.”

There’s a comfortable silence between us as we complete our individual assignments. I seemed to be having an easier time making acquaintances this year. The first week of school, I had made a personal goal to talk to five new people every day and I am happy to say I achieved it. I was learning to take the initiative with introductions and with the couple people who introduced themselves to me first, I realized that everyone is just as afraid as I am to talk to someone. But really, it’s not a big deal. No one thinks you’re weird. Unless you start your interactions by shamelessly staring at them like Jaemin. Mark will definitely be interested in hearing about this.  

I huff in frustration as I fail to obtain the correct answer to my physics problem for the second time. I had three chances; so I needed to get it right this time.

“Hey, Jaemin?” I call.

When I look up, I meet Jaemin’s gaze. He’s staring at me with a blank expression, as if he’s in some kind of trance. It’s unsettling to a degree – the way he’s looking into my eyes, like he’s trying to read me with a precision equivalent to breaking down the walls of my mind and learning every secret that’s behind them without any difficulty.

Um… I tilt my head and narrow my eyes at him. “Jaemin?”

“Hmm?” His eyes widen and he shakes his head as if I’ve pulled him from some reverie. “Sorry, what’s up?”

“Is there –” I press my fingertips against my cheek “– is there something on my face?

“What?” His voice is a tad loud. “No, no! I – I just zoned out for a second.”

Right…

“Uh huh…” I remark skeptically. “Um, can you help me with this physics problem?”

“Yeah, of course!”

I flip my laptop around for him to read the question. A small smirk creeps up on my lips as I watch him scribble equations into his notebook. I feel so smug.

Oh, you definitely think I’m cute and you’re not even trying to hide it. Mark is definitely gonna want to hear all about this.    

Prev | Next

Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist

[sunnyrollins]

“Please don’t go” rollisi love and friendship prompt!

“Please don’t go.”

“Couple more episodes of that and I think you’ll be ready to build a house of your own, Rollins.”

Amanda’s head flopped back against the pillow with a short huff and a roll of her eyes, and she moved her hand to pause the show that had been autoplaying on her laptop practically all day.

“They’re renovating, not building, smartass.” She could practically taste the bitterness of her own words when she responded. “And I’m glad you find it funny that your wife’s been confined to this damn apartment for a week.”

“Oh c’mon, Amanda.” Despite knowing that she was one hundred percent serious in her disdain, Carisi couldn’t help but chuckle when he sat on the edge of the bed next to her. “I don’t think it’s funny. I’m just tryin’ to cheer you up.”

“Try harder,” she deadpanned, her hand subconsciously resting against her swollen belly in an almost protective gesture when she turned over to look at him. When he smiled, it was half-hearted and sympathetic, and she let out a long, deep sigh. “Or, better yet, just stop trying all together.”

He raised his eyebrows with an amused smile, as if to tell her without actually telling her that she was being unreasonably harsh. Sometimes he really did have the patience of a saint, and the thought managed to soften the edges of her mood just enough to allow her to release the tension in her shoulders when she breathed out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry, Sonny. It’s just…” she paused to toss her hands up with a frustrated shrug, “I can’t stand being stuck on bedrest while the rest of you work your asses off on this case. And now Liv’s purposely keeping me out of the loop.”

“She’s just worried about the baby,” Carisi told her. “She wants you takin’ it easy, not thinkin’ about the case. The doctors said-”

“Low stress. I know.”

She glanced down to where her hand had subconsciously moved back to rest against her stomach once again. Having a health scare so late into her pregnancy had been somewhat of a wake-up call the week prior, and while she knew that she did need to take it easy, she also couldn’t help but think about what was going on back at the precinct while she tried to relax.

When she felt him rest a reassuring hand against her shoulder, she looked back to him with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You’ve been back at SVU less than a month and they’ve already got you going undercover.”

“What, do you think I forgot how to be a cop?” He asked with an amused smile.

“No. But I kinda figured you’d ease back into it, not dive in head first.”

That must have been her own naivety talking, she thought. She’d known him long enough to know that when he did something, he always threw himself fully into it, whether that was being a cop, or a lawyer, or even just her husband. It was a part of what made him who he was, and she knew it was senseless to expect that to change.

At some point, it had become clear to her that the feeling of the room had taken on a much more serious tone than when he had first walked in with his teasing comment. She knew that he could feel it too, especially when he blatantly tried to brighten the mood again with his subsequent comment.

“Feelin’ a little protective, Carisi?”

She figured she would never get used to him teasingly calling her by her married name, and she found that she almost resented the fact that it still subconsciously gave her butterflies. Like a damn flustered teenager, she thought.

“If being a little worried about my cop husband goin’ to a meet-up full of career criminals who’ve got absolutely no issues with committing murder counts as being ‘protective’, then sure,” she scoffed dismissively, and she nudged him with her elbow when he chuckled beside her.

“It’ll be fine, Amanda,” he promised. “I’ve been undercover before.”

“I know. You’re great at your job, Carisi.”

The words were directed more towards trying to convince herself than trying to convince him. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how good he was at his job. She’d seen plenty of undercover operations go wrong in the past through no fault of anyone involved. Things could happen that couldn’t be accounted for. She knew that all too well. 

An almost somber silence settled between them for a moment, and when she spoke again she found that vulnerability in her voice sounded foreign even to her. “Please don’t go,” she said so softly she wasn’t sure he could even make out the words. 

Carisi’s eyes searched hers, brows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“To the meet-up.”

Realistically, she knew that it wasn’t his decision, and It felt strange for her…being the voice of a concerned wife for once as opposed to the detective who worked alongside him day in and day out. But she couldn’t bear the thought of something going wrong when she wasn’t going to be there for backup.

“You’re really that worried?” He asked. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. It was clear when he wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders to pull her gently into his side that he understood. “Rollins-”

“If these guys even suspect that you’re not who you say you are-”

“They won’t,” he assured her. Her lips parted, but he stopped her before she could object. “Low stress, remember?”

Amanda could feel the baby shift, as if to remind her of why it was necessary to keep a level head. With a sigh, she finally conceded, if for no other reason than for the good of the little life that still relied so heavily on her wellbeing, and she took Carisi’s hand to place it against where she could feel the kick of a tiny foot.

“I know, I know. At least until the baby’s here,” she agreed. “Then there’s gonna be two Carisis around to stress me out.”

“Hey, you’re a Carisi now too in case you forgot,” he reminded her with a teasing smile.

“So being a pain in the ass must run in the name, I guess.”

He only responded with a chuckle, and a subconscious smile spread across her lips when she rested her head against his shoulder and he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

She was right in the regard that, soon enough, there would be two Carisi men in her life. And maybe life with three young children would occasionally get hectic, and maybe their son would be as headstrong as his father or as reckless as his mother, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 1

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

Guys! We finally made it to Chapter 2!!!! Prepare for the feelz!

As always, Spoilers under cut.

So… Lets recap what we know about Roman before we dig too deep into Chapter 2… We know that Roman is overzealous, hopeful to the point of naivety, innocent, sassy, playful/teasing, endearing, misguided and moral. He sees the good in everyone (especially Logan). Roman cares for each person individually, while Logan cares more for humanity as a whole. Lastly, Roman is pretty much the embodiment of hope for Logan and maybe the world. No pressure.

Okay… That’s pretty much what we know about Roman’s personality thus far… and he’s only been mentioned a few times… Not bad, not bad. Let’s get to it!

Eva wastes no time jumping right into Roman’s back story, though I’ll admit the first time I read this it gave me a bit of whiplash. We did just come out of a very dramatic scene, after all. Still as usual there is a lot to be said in the first para. First off, drawing the reader in within the first few lines is always a great idea and she manages it with; “Young Roman was shaking with righteous anger. How dare this – this fiend targeted the company of his father?” (Whatwashernameagain). This should send us into a whirlwind of emotions. We learn a lot about Roman and Roman’s father with these two sentences. First off, we see that Roman is very quick with his emotions which is not surprising at all, judging from what we have learned about him. However, when he uses the word ‘fiend’ in italics the inflection nods towards his overzealous nature which honestly warms my heart a bit. Once again, Eva is very strategic with her italics and beautifully so. We can assume that this ‘fiend’ is none other than one ‘Utilitarianist’ judging from the context of the previous chapter and the rivalry that we are already familiar with. But this begs the question: Why would Logan target Roman’s father unless he is a bad man? Well, I’d say the answer is in the question… But Roman obviously doesn’t believe that.

“He was the hardest working man in the world! His idol, his hero! He was donating to charity, pursuing a career in politics to support the attempts of the republican party to protect this great country’s safety and now he had to deal with an investigation into the state of his breeding facilities” (Whatwashernameagain).

This makes me… so sad. Roman obviously idolizes his father. He is a young man here, years before The Dreamer and it certainly shows in his naivety and innocence. As children many of us are fed information that our parents wish for us to believe or are simply told in order to stop us from questioning this or that. Some parents do this consciously while most don’t even think about it. It’s like when your parent tells you that its illegal to drive at night with the cab light on… I don’t know if this is going to shock you but its not illegal. At least not here. But their parents no doubt told them that when they were younger to keep them from messing with the light and distracting them; then they grew up believing it and now they tell their children the same thing. Or my mother use to tell me that her first husband died in a car accident because she didn’t want me to know she was divorced… Turns out he lives in Cali with a wife and three kids… but questioning her about him hurt her so she made up a lie to protect herself and me. Its not surprising that poor innocent Roman would be fed similar lies to help idolize his father.

The thing is… there comes a point in time in every adult’s life that they look at their parent and reality hits them so hard in the face they stumble. The person you thought your mom or dad was isn’t exactly who they are. For example, I idolized my own father and I of course still love him very very much; but growing up I thought he had the answer to everything and was an outstanding person. He had very few flaws (mostly just promiscuity)… Then about the time I turned twenty-four I watched as he went into a rage about abortions and how pro-choicers are idiots when most of them are pro-life but ‘just want attention’. It took me by surprise and when I showed him the statistics that the majority of ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’ both agreed that there should be exceptions to most abortion issues (“Abortion”). He chose to deny the fact and continued to hate the opposite party simply because they labeled themselves something other than what he labeled himself, despite believing in the same concepts…. I’m getting way off topic… Sorry… I realized in that moment that the man I idolized was an ignorant man who was content with his choice in being ignorant. It was a shock… The image of him I had painted my whole life came crashing down. It was alright of course, we just don’t talk about politics anymore… well… not often anyways. My point is… I’m curious to see when Roman has the same realization that his father is not the man Roman expects him to be… Truth be told; our parents can never live up to their children’s expectations. We set the bar too high and they are only human, doing the best they can… The good ones anyways XP

Again! Getting off topic! Sorry! Back to the analysis….

Roman sees his father as everything he strives to be. His father is a hard worker, who gives to the needy, is charismatic (a politician), a protector. No doubt, Roman was conditioned to see these things; conditioned to believe that this is what a ‘real’ man looks like. A conditioning that most of us have experienced. Girls that don’t dress pretty enough, or don’t like the color pink, or rather play with a football than a barbie; or boys who love pink, enjoy makeup, don’t enjoy sports… I can’t tell you enough how much crap my husband gets because he rather read a book than play football, especially when he was in school (he’s 6’4” and almost 400lbs). Its wrong!!! Here Roman’s father stands, the picture-perfect image of everything Roman is expected to be… of course he’s going to fixate on the good, rather than accepting the bad. Looks like Logan isn’t the only one in denial.

This denial is cemented when Roman begins to talk about the ‘caramel colored Highland cow’ that his father had given him when he was twelve. Roman uses this as an example of how his father cares so deeply for animals…. -sigh- My poor baby… All of this is an indication of unconscious rationalization. Yup, you guessed it I’m jumping back into psychoanalysis and Freud. YAY! Rationalization is when an individual avoids feelings of displeasure by explaining their own loses and failures as someone else’s fault (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, Roman isn’t even aware that he is doing it; hence the denial. Instead of subconsciously accepting the fact that these investigations could be in the right he chooses to blame the investigation of victim blaming…. Well, the investigations and The Utilitarianist.

Though Roman’s us of terms such as ‘hard-working Americans,’ ‘terrorist’ and ‘gross injustice’ in the next few paragraphs really boldens the image that Roman eventually grows into; the one we saw in Chapter 1. As if Roman should be wearing the stars and stripes on his cape, flapping in the wind behind him. A whole-hearted apple pie American! These terms are a direct parallel to a lot of the Republican campaigns throughout the last few years. Terms like this tend to be used to sew discontent and fear into people, making them easily controllable. Honestly, it’s a great symbolism on how America’s masses are being persuaded to follow the path of anger and certain politicians that I will not name. Roman, here is the picture-perfect representation of America, his father a Republican extremist (like many politicians lately) who has fed him so many lies and promises… provided pretty things to satisfy him temporary and allow him to do as he pleases without any consequence to himself. Sound familiar?

**Personal note: I have nothing against the Republican party. I agree with the platform on a few issues as well as with the Democratic platform. However, anything to its extreme is a bad thing. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

“Roman could not stand for this! It was gross injustice! He wanted to help, to support his father and show him that he could trust him! He was almost twenty now – a man – and it was time he finally managed to prove himself!” (Whatwashernameagain).

Within the same paragraph we see Roman’s need to win his father’s approval. We also see the societal gender norm of being ‘a man’ once more. There is a lot to unpack here. Roman wants to show his father that he can ‘trust him.’ Which wouldn’t be something a normal person would be concerned about unless there was a sense of past abuse; which judging by the rationalization is no doubt the case. This implies that Roman has always been informed that he’s not good enough, or that he is incompetent. This small sentence shows us a side of Roman that we have yet to see… his insecurity. Sure, as The Dreamer he hides it well… He must, he’s the hope and dreams of the world, he can’t afford insecurities. But deep down he is just a child wanting his father’s approval. He wants to be needed, needs to be accepted. He wants to prove to this man that he’s not worthless… Hmm… Kinda sounds like a certain villain we know doesn’t it? Actually, Logan and Roman have a lot more in common here than meets the eye. Imagine what Roman feels here… The desperation, the loneliness. Perhaps he feels as if there is no one else in the world that could possibly understand how he feels. He is no doubt surrounded by staff but when it comes down to it, he is just as alone as Logan is. Both using their pain to change the world; both defining themselves by the work that they do… by their usefulness. Once again, Roman focusing on the individual (his father) while Logan focuses on the masses. He and Logan share the same goal, the same hurtles, and the same pain… and yet somehow ended up on opposite sides of the coin…

We see more of Roman’s insecurities in the next paragraph, underlining the emotion; proving to the reader that it runs far deeper than we would first assume. He states that he tends to ‘ask the wrong question’ and makes ‘stupid suggestions’. However, the questions he asks are regarding the wages of the workers, and the suggestions involve the wellbeing of animals. The dimension this contrast provides really rounds out Roman’s character. As a reader we see that these questions are anything but wrong and the suggestions are far from stupid, but we are a mute onlooker that can do nothing to change the scene unfolding before us. These words paint Roman’s heart as much as his pain. We see his concern for his father’s employees and the animals as well. We see that he cares for every living being, bringing up back to the fact that he focuses on the individual, reinforcing this concept. At the same time, he doesn’t see it himself. I’ve learned early on in life that if you are told the same thing over and over in your life time by someone you look up to… you are bound to believe it and the best and worst thing about belief is that once you have it… its hard to let go.

“Shame rose into Roman’s cheeks as he remembered his silly question about fencing in a meadow for their calves in their Laredo facility to play in with their mothers. He’d just remembered how much Nugget had always enjoyed jumping around with them. Of course, he should have known they needed to be separated from their mothers after the first day to avoid losing the milk they sold. It was necessary, he guessed. So, they’d said” (Whatwashernameagain).

So, they’d said… -sigh- Three little words and yet… so much pain. I don’t really need to explain the whole being told something repeatedly etc etc etc. Because I just did; but the fact that Eva ends the paragraph so simply is so elegantly impactful… I just… wanted to bring attention to it.

It also serves to point out that despite the fact that Roman rationalizes his father’s mistreatments and dirty deeds, he has his doubts. “It was necessary, he guessed.” Implies that Roman doesn’t truly believe this despite what he’d been told (along with the ‘so they’d said’). It adds even more depth to the man because while we are looking at a young Roman with no self-confidence he knows right from wrong. At least, deep down he does. It is the environment around him that is forcing this sense of morality to be buried deep deep down to the point to he can hardly recognize it… but its there. This also makes for some great foreshadowing. The small rebellion of nothing but a seed of a thought will no doubt grow into more.

Tangent: People always talk about how changing your thoughts are a sure-fire way to change your life and it is true. In fact, there is scientific research to prove it. No, I’m not talking about some kind of poll or mental screening. It’s much bigger than that. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist and doctor of alternative medicine, conducted an experiment to try and discover how our thoughts can physically affect the world around us (“Water”). He took samples of water and exposed them to written and spoken words and music to see how thoughts and feelings affect physical reality (“Water”). Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed towards them such as ‘love’, ‘thank you’, ‘I hate you’ (“Water”). The findings were unbelievable especially when you consider the fact that 90% of our bodies are made of water. Water that changes in reaction to thoughts. The implications of this research create a new awareness of how we can positively impact the earth and our personal health (“Water”). Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture around the world as a result and has conducted live experiments both in Japan and Europe as well as in the US to show how indeed our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions as humans deeply impact the environment (“Water”). I learned this many years ago watching the documentary ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ which I highly recommend… But if you would like to watch the short clip on water molecules and thoughts you can find it here.

I bring it up because Roman’s rebellious thoughts have a far more drastic impact than he probably assumes. We shape ourselves to our thoughts… Which only intensifies the foreshadowing here.

Once again, in the next para we see Roman’s rationalization in full swing as he talks about his father having a difficult time with him. We also see the reinforcement of social norms when it comes to gender: ‘he lacked a sense of ruthlessness a strong man needed to improve the world’, ‘he was a bad hunter, had the wrong interests’, ‘spoke too softly or loudly’ (Whatwashernameagain). I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of this… and because forcing social gender norms onto someone like this piss me off like no other and I’m not turning this into a big rant and pulling it away from Eva’s amazing work! I’ll just say that its wrong to assume what it means to be a man or a woman… why isn’t just being a person enough?! and leave it at that. We also see more of Roman’s idolization of his father; his need for approval and his distaste for Logan and his so-called victim-blaming (which is rationalization once more).

The sudden shift from such a somber tone to the next paragraph proves to be refreshing and provides Roman with a small burst of passion we know and love! Eva writes: “Roman had one thing going he was good at, though. He was strong, brave and determined. Someone needed to put a stop to this renegade liberal, and it might as well be him. It wasn’t like all the other things he’d tried and failed at. This time, he felt a calling to fight the war of the righteous” (Whatwashernameagain)!

This provides us with a small glimpse of The Dreamer we’ve come to know in Chapter 1. Roman may not have confidence in himself but the image of who he wants to be is another story. For those of you who don’t know I worked in Law Enforcement for six years and its things like this that remind me of some of the good parts of the job. Roman is relatable here to be. I’ve known a lot of officers who are very different outside of the uniform, myself included. We have insecurities, weaknesses, ticks, that all seem to fade away when we put on that uniform. You become a different person, a stronger person; someone you look up to… and looking up to yourself is an amazing feeling… its like your indestructible… you can do anything! Officer Liz and the Liz writing this analysis are two different people. Yes, we share the same experiences and likes and dislikes but… I’m just a regular person, staying up too late, worried about laundry and dishes… while she… she’s a hero who protects everyone, always has a solution, and never lets her emotions get the better of her. Roman is getting his first taste of the high that comes with the alter ego. He sees the Dreamer in that instance, though he refers to himself because in a way they are the same person… The difference is, is that The Dreamer has already won his father’s approval and pride… Roman has not.

*******

I will have to end it there, friends. It is way past my bed time, and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Thank you for joining me though and I hope to see you in Part 2!

   “Abortion.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 10 Nov. 2019, https://news.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Water.” What the Bleep Do We Know!?, https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[dcbicki]

My issue with Max and that friendship is that there was zero acknowledgement of the faults you're talking about within the show (and within the fandom).El wasn't angry with Max and Max never apologized and just remained an obnoxious know-it-all till the end. That's why I can't accept this friendship even as a flawed one:/

Oh, no, I’m forcing myself to accept it as a flawed relationship because otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. If you imagine it as this empowering, feminist girl bond then you’re not doing the characters any favors. Max is far from perfect, and El didn’t know better. Ignoring this is bad. I personally didn’t buy into that -- the idea that they’re wholly good for each other -- for one second; not when the only reason they start talking in the first place is because of a boy; a boy who is dating one of them, and has a strong bond with her, but who spent a whole week treating the other one like crap because he was going through something she couldn’t understand.

The El/Max friendship was built around Max’s pettiness and El’s naivety. I see it like this: Max was never going to apologize for being kind of wrong because she didn’t think she was wrong. She thought she was just being helpful, and offering sage advice when in fact she was subconsciously relaying her own feelings onto El, a girl very different from herself. El was never going to be mad at her because, thanks to Max’s less than stellar advice, she actually learned something: you can’t become you if you’re relying on everyone else to influence you. She’s told that she doesn’t have to be a composite of Hopper and Mike’s characters by a girl who later projects her own character onto El. It was bad, but she didn’t see it like that because she has an odd way of understanding people. She took a hollow shell and found a pearl of wisdom inside.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m acknowledging the faults and that that’s enough for me. But that relationship was a mess, so you’ve kinda got to create your own version of it that best suits you, and best suits your version of these characters. I have a preference for flawed characters, so naturally, I paid more attention to the worst aspects of their friendship, and I couldn’t see it as anything other than that: an imperfect friendship between two growing, naive people. Pull it to pieces, dissect it, and build it up again in a way that makes sense to you.

[afandomofthrones]

Book Recommendations!

Hey guys! So as some of you may or may not know, I work at a Library and I am also two classes away from a degree in English Literature, and so as you might guess, I am a bit of a bibliophile. Working at the library also means that I come home with at least 4-5 books after every shift. So I go through a lot of them, and I figured it could be kinda fun to share some of my favourites with you all every now and then. 

So! If you are looking for new books to read, allow me to share some amazing books I have found recently!

First, I should mention that I tend to like books that are set in different time eras. So, things like historical fiction, fantasy, apocalyptic, etc. It has to be a very good book to get my attention if it is set in our world/era. So, that is what kind of books will be on this list. I also want to mention that these are not going to include my favourite Classical Lit stories/books. If people want those sort of recommendations, let me know and I will be happy to share. 

Now! Onto the Books!

1. Circe by Madeline Miller

This is a book about the character from Greek Mythology, Circe. She was a character in Homer’s Odyssey, and in many myths she was a Goddess. This is her story about her life as daughter of the sun, and how she came to reside on the island of Aeaea. She learns the art of magic and is essentially the world’s first witch. Along the way she comes into contact with other figures from Mythology: Prometheus, Hermes, Odysseus, Madea. It is an amazing story and one of those books that I just couldn’t put down. Her growth throughout the novel is an amazing example of character development. She is one of those characters that if I had read this story as a child, I would have wanted to be Circe when I grew up.If you were like me and ever went through a Greek Mythology phase, or if that phase never really ended, I highly recommend this book!

2. A Pocketful of Crows by Joanne Harris

This was one of those stories that I never would have read if the cover didn’t look like it did. It was black and gold and so of course I had to pick it up. (What can I say, my love of all things Baratheon is strong) But I am so happy I did because it sort of changed my life. This story says that it is a ‘Modern Fairy Tale’, but I would call it a Pagan Folk Tale, instead. It’s a story of love and heartbreak, of birth and death and renewal, of the natural cycles of the world around us. It’s about a nameless girl who falls in love with a boy, and in her young naivety she gives up almost everything for him. She has a deep connection with the earth and has the ability to go into animal minds. It is a story with just that little sparkle of magic that I love so much. It’s one of those books that I can’t stop thinking about. It helped me understand the world and the ‘myths/folklore’ that pagan/earth-centered religions are based upon. I don’t want to say too much more about it’s plot, because I don’t want to spoil anything, but it is a fantastic story and I wish I could just give everyone a copy to read because I just love it so much. 

3. The Lady of the Rivers by Phillipa Gregory

This is a historical fiction novel that is actually part of a series I am reading. I am a history nerd and I love historical fiction but only if it stays somewhat true to history. I tend to google things while reading historical fiction and I like when the book matches with the facts. What I love about this novel/series is that it is written by a historian, and she does so much research for every book she writes and even includes a bibliography at the back of every novel with all the sources she used when writing. She uses actual people and places and dates, all the facts that we know, and then she fills in the gaps with fiction, and gives the books life with love and heartbreak and fury and pain. The Lady of Rivers is about Jacquetta Woodville, who first married an English Duke and then married a squire for love. She is the Great-Great-Grandmother of Henry VIII. This story is about her as a young woman and her role at court during the beginning of the War of the Roses (The real war that Game of Thrones/ASOIAF is based on by the way!). There is a hint of magic thrown in as well. Not the Harry Potter kind, think more along the lines of Wicca. Its the first book of the series and I am on book 8 now, but this one is still my favourite because of the character. So if you enjoy historical fiction, or want to read about the real ‘Game of Thrones’ I suggest reading this book and series. I adore it. 

4. Every Day by David Levithan

This is one of those few novels that is set in our era that I actually loved reading. Its a story about this person who wakes up in a different body every day, they live that persons life for one day and then at midnight they go into someone else. Eventually this person falls in love, and it goes through the trials of being in love when you never look the same two days in a row. Again, I probably never would have picked this book up and taken it home, except for the fact that I went on a girl’s trip in March with some friends and we ended up watching the movie that is based on this book, and as soon as my friends told me it was based on a book I put it on hold at my library and picked it up. And honestly, the movie did a VERY good job at staying true to the book, which isn’t often the case, so Kudos to them! I enjoyed this book a lot because it was easy to read and actually captured my interest really well because it was an idea that I hadn’t ever seen before. It wasn’t just another ‘boy and girl fall in love’ story, because it wasn’t a boy and a girl. It was a girl and a genderless person. ‘A’ (the main character’s name) didn’t have a body and didn’t identify as any one gender, and each day they woke up in a male or female body but it didn’t make ‘A’ a boy or a girl. And I think this book did an amazing job at alluding to agender and transgender identities. Of course, I am a cis girl, so I don’t actually know what it is like to be agender or trans or anything like that, but this book really helped me understand things more. It also did a good job at showing that you can be attracted to someone despite their gender. I don’t know, it just did a really good job at emphasizing the importance of the soul of a person, not necessarily their body. It was a good message and a good, easy read. 

5. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Technically I am still reading this book and I am only halfway through it but I love it so much I had to include it on my list. This is another book a lot like Circe, and it’s by the same author. This is the story of Achilles and Patroclus. For those who don’t know, Achilles was a hero in Greek Mythology who was the son of a Goddess and a mortal king, and Patroclus was Achilles’ friend and lover. They both participated in the Trojan war. This is the story about them, how they met, how they fell in love, and it is such an amazing read. Achilles is just amazing in this story. He is this amazing fighter, super fast and talented, pretty much good at everything, a prince, and yet he is not a spoiled brat. He is a complete sweetheart who picks this awkward loner kid to be his best friend. And they are just adorable and I love them so much. I can’t really say much more about the plot because I just started it the other day but it is one of my absolute favourites already. 

[moralhymn]

honestly im curious after seeing it on your blog what is sort of the foundation of ignis/ardyn or the dynamic? I've never seen the ship before!

hi there hello you’ve opened up a WHOLE CAN OF WORMS HERE BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SHIP SO DAMN MUCH–

honestly i– i don’t remember how i started shipping it. for.. context, i will say that when i first dipped my toe into the 15 fandom, i actually started as a gladio rper. he was my favorite, with the combination of the anger issues and obvious intelligence that he had ( and lbr gladio does have some serious anger issues; he’s not a bad guy for it though! it just makes him more interesting to me as a character because how many times is something like that shown having consequences? you see it with gladio and how he grows and matures. i love it! ) and my twin from another mother was like “why aren’t you writing ardyn?” 

me and my unsuspecting ass: “i don’t know i guess i’m trying to veer away from villains here.”

she just laughed at me. a lot. because she knew. she knew what was coming. so i, in my dumb naivety, forge ahead in the game and then i met ardyn and it was all downhill from there. especially after altissia. so i kinda… acquired ardyn as a muse and boy i didn’t know what i was getting in for. i really, truly didn’t. he’s come to mean so much to me as a character because he’s so beautifully complex. i have a serious love for seeing dark side characters, especially if they started on the good side of things, and between his flamboyant mannerisms, his speech patterns ( WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE TRYING TO IMITATE IN RP BECAUSE I NEVER FEEL LIKE I GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO THEM ), and his choice of archaic wording, he was practically gift-wrapped for me.

and his parallels to both jesus and lucifer are both seriously big draws for me too.

so, anyways, about the ship! 

honestly, i couldn’t begin to tell you where it came from for me or where i started looking into it. it just sorta… happened! i think it also happened in large part because i am honestly dissatisfied with ignis’s popular ships of gladnis and ignoct, seeing him together with ardyn just drew me in. i mean, i can appreciate those two ships and more power to anyone who ships them! if it makes you happy, then go for it! but a lot of gladnis is written in ways that set my teeth on edge ( and i must reference one fic where gladio was calling ignis baby. i am fairly certain that ignis would stab you with a fork if you tried that. ) and as for ignoct… it’s probably the fact that it’s a gross misinterpretation of the warrior-retainer archetype relationship that they share, not to mention how maternal ignis is towards noctis. i can see and understand the basis for both ships but they lack a certain luster for me.

but boy, for some reason, ignis and ardyn just have this fascinating interaction with one another. i could go into over analysis here on every scene they share together but i won’t, lmfao. but there’s something interesting about the fact that ignis gets especially bitchy when talking to or about ardyn, to me. i mean, ignis can be pretty bitchy in general ( and before anyone tries to say he’s not, he really is. his dialogue in the japanese is legit him trying to sound like a tough guy and he just gets so bristly when talking about ardyn. ) but there’s like an uptick in it where ardyn’s concerned. now, some people might go “but wait doesn’t that mean he doesn’t like him?” and, yeah, i can see that. but when you ship a rarepair, you reach for what you can get and are satisfied with things. also, everyone interprets things differently! ignis seems… acutely interested in some way in ardyn but there’s also other subtle hints of their interactions, at least to me.

two of the biggest factors are sagefire and ignis being able to tell noctis who ardyn really is once he’s free of the crystal, including his history.

now, exactly where could ignis have learned this stuff? the answer is, of course, ardyn. ardyn, whose new dlc literally calls him the sage. ardyn, who would probably answer ignis’s demands because heaven knows gladio and prompto don’t go near him.

also the fact that prompto asks ignis if ardyn’s not his type and ignis doesn’t bother saying that, no, ardyn is not my type, kinda… raised my eyebrows more than a little. ( also, ignis not really contributing to talks about that kind of stuff? hm. interesting. )

so i honestly believe that ignis has met with ardyn, more than once, to learn both sagefire and ardyn’s history. i mean, the only person who could have reliably told ignis about it was him. sagefire is another thing that i’m working out in my head but, you know, ignis is definitely a man who’ll pursue knowledge in all its forms and ardyn, being ardyn, being this two thousand year old being who can show him so many different things, would probably lure him in like a moth to a flame. and given how i view ardyn, i know that he’d respect ignis for his own person. not as noctis’s caretaker. not as a man who was being groomed to be a general. not as part of the flock. but his own individual with his own wants and desires. and i think that’d suck ignis right on in, to be honest. now, i’m not saying that the bros don’t recognize ignis as his own person, far from it - but the way that they handle things just kinda shows that, as tight as they are, there’s misunderstandings between them. 

i just see ignis and ardyn having this super dazzling chemistry and interesting influence on one another as well. like, ardyn might sleep around, but if he finds someone who can stand as his equal, the way i see ignis being able to, then you’ve got his interest securely on you and that can be a powerful, frightening thing, to be honest. after all, it’d make one wonder what it is about them that would bring in the attention of a man who’s seen so much and done so many things in his life, right? but ardyn would see ignis for his intelligence, his skill, probably even finding his sharp tongue and wit charming too. and there’s the fact that he never seems to take any action against ignis either. i mean, even in altissia, he doesn’t really fight ignis; he just kinda makes a few cursory gestures but overall? ignis beat the snot out of him and ardyn just seemed to take it. i mean, yeah, there was probably the whole “oh you can’t really do anything to hurt me” deal, but this is ardyn we’re talking about here. ardyn, who messes with the other three something awful, after all.

but ignis? he literally stops him with a raised hand at the stronghold. he’s impressed by him putting on the ring ( and rather surprised ). he probably taught him the sagefire technique. and i will never shake the idea that it was ignis who got ardyn to talk about himself, his past, his relation to the lucis caelum bloodline, and so much more. 

i just honestly find their dynamic so fascinating to look at and to explore. i think that out of all four of the bros, ignis would be the one ardyn would go for anyways. prompto, he already knows how to handle. gladio? well, ardyn’s just going to irritate him. noctis? he hates the poor kid. but ignis? ignis would definitely make ardyn’s head turn so fast that it’s a wonder it doesn’t fly off his neck. so, yeah, i just think that out of all the people ignis could hook up with, ardyn would probably just lure him in so fast and so hard that it’s amazing to me. 

so i guess the foundation is, in the end, this whole… ( vague hand gestures. ) this whole deal of thinking that they’d just have this super magnetic interest in one another. i mean, yeah, even after altissia? yeah, even after altissia. it just? i don’t know. i think that in some ways ignis would lure ardyn in as well for how he’s both selfish and selfless at the same damn time. ardyn would crave that level of devotion for himself, since it was something he lost before he was cast out of history. to see it in ignis? oh, it’s just like icing on the cake. how can he resist that? he wouldn’t be able to.

i just have a lot of reasons and viewpoints for this ship and oh my god i rambled i will shut up now.

[atopearth]

Mystic Messenger Part 8 - V Route

Omggg playing this again just brings back all the memories! Yoosung with his annoying suspicion of V and obsession with Rika… Zen’s hilarious narcissistic personality; I loved it when he said if the heroine looks at his photo she better wear sunglasses because he’s too stunning LMAO😂 he always makes me crack up. And omg, Jumin has his own book of quotes hahahaha, that is so funny!! Jaehee slaving away as usual and V hiding things as always. Ray looks exactly like Saeran so I guess it’s him but does he have the same role in this alternate story? I’m kinda into the premise that Zen and them are “A.Is” and this is a “game” that the heroine is testing out. This heroine as usual is so easy to bait and kidnap lolol. But Jumin’s lines man, “I was born splendid” HAHAHA, you can see why Zen is so frustrated with him all the time hahahaha.

Sometimes Yoosung just aggravates me for his strong emotions and naivety. V is definitely wrong for hiding for what really happened to Rika and keeping secrets without asking for help from anyone especially Jumin. But Yoosung constantly blames V for not protecting Rika properly and that’s just really terrible. He’s already feeling like crap over the fact that he wasn’t able to help her and never even knew that things would turn out like this and maybe you can blame him for saying or doing the wrong things but you can’t deny the fact that V loves Rika and always tried his best to help her. Yoosung constantly doubting him due to his ignorance really makes me angry because he’s merely projecting the fact that he couldn’t do anything for Rika onto someone that might have been able to do something for Rika, completely ignoring the fact that V is a person too and that Rika isn’t necessarily a perfect person! He’s so hostile to V that it’s just aggravating. Rika is her own person and she makes her own decisions! You can’t blame V for that!

V and Jumin’s first meeting is hilarious. He crashed his toy car (that’s equipped with an airbag) into V’s house’s wall and then called to ask how much compensation for that would cost typically hahahaha. Such a calm little boy! Little Jumin is so cute hahaha. But I guess it is understandable from Yoosung’s point of view. He’s much closer to Rika than to V and he believes that he understands Rika well, so from his perspective, what he saw and felt of her was who she was and what she showed meant that she wasn’t the type to suicide so it’s hard for him to swallow, especially with the lack of evidence besides V’s testimony. I guess if you think about it like that, alongside with the fact that Yoosung is an emotional person, you can see why he acts the way he does. I just feel bad for V. I guess I wonder (like Jumin does) whether I’m just on V’s side because I like him and can relate with him more. I found it so hilarious that the reason V was Zen’s saviour when his motorbike crashed was because he was actually following him around to get a good photo of him and his motorbike lmao. But it’s exactly because of that, that he could call an ambulance and save Zen’s leg, it would have been devastating if he lost it.

Ray is really Saeran huh? Mint Eye, V, Rika.. Ray’s fear of being abandoned, his disdain for the RFA, they’re all Saeran… But yeah, it’s so nice to hear about Jumin and V’s childhood memories, they were so cute as kids! Hearing about them and seeing how Jumin acts with V, you can really see how much Jumin cares and cherishes V as a friend, it’s really sweet. I think what Yoosung fails to understand about V and everyone else is that, everyone grieves in different ways, just because they don’t show it as much as you does not mean they’re not hurt or that they’ve forgotten. Yoosung is so focused on his own sadness that he fails to understand that the others are sad too but regardless, the world still keeps moving. It’s cruel when you think about the idea that the loss of a person doesn’t really mean anything to the world itself but that’s how it is, whether it be Jumin, Zen or V, they still have things they need to do, and just because they’re not stopping everything in their lives to grieve doesn’t mean they’re not hurt. Everyone needs something to do to redirect their sadness, isn’t that how it is? I know that Yoosung doesn’t like being treated like a kid but sometimes his thoughts, his perceptions and everything, they really are childish tbh… HAHAHA, trust 707 to have hacked Yoosung’s computer and got him addicted to LOLOL!! It was a great distraction for Yoosung though hahaha, Seven is smart!😂

I feel so bad for being mean to Ray, especially when he uses the crying emoji omgg, it breaks my heart😢 I’m sorry Ray! I really like you!! But you’re toxic!! LOL It’s funny that Rika loves and admires the idea of a perfect love that will never change regardless of what happens to her physical form, a love that transcends the human heart, yet she couldn’t believe in V’s heart that produced such emotions in his photos that made her feel like that. In the end, it wasn’t V that was unable to keep it to an unchanging heart but instead herself that couldn’t even believe in the person that never changed. A person who yearns to be loved but doesn’t believe anyone could possibly love her, that to me sounds like what Rika is.

You can kinda see why Rika felt so insecure, I mean she’s got problems already and V’s empty words that lack substance only drove her crazier. Rika must take responsibility for her own actions, but you can’t deny that even though V tried his best, he really didn’t express himself properly to her. He had the heart, the feelings and everything but he wasn’t able to show her how much he really loved her in a way that she could understand it. Him hiding Rika and everything from the RFA… Is still a decision I understand and accept but can’t agree with, everyone is too involved to be left in the dark all this time, I believe they all have a right to know everything and V shouldn’t stop that. I know he wants to protect them and do everything himself but not knowing and not doing anything for something they all care about is disrespectful to their wishes. I’m really happy that V is someone Jumin cherishes so well that even when the others doubt him, he continues to believe in him, I really love the trust they share with each other despite my disagreements.

I guess what Rika needed was someone not so perfect like V. Because V was willing to do anything and everything for her, she couldn’t trust him, since everyone that surrounds her brings her pain in some way like her parents so how could she believe in a person that wholeheartedly loves her for who she is when there hasn’t been anyone that has? Although Rika is very drastic and obviously quite unstable, you can’t help but feel for her that it is hard to truly trust someone that loves you for who you are when you can’t even love yourself or feel undeserving of such love. As someone who understands that feeling, I can’t help but feel for Rika. In the end, her darkness won out because she could relate more with it, something she’s lived with for years rather than another unreliable person that might leave her like her parents and step parents did (emotionally).Especially since V loves her unconditionally, it’s hard for her to believe in a love where there’s no reason for him to love her and do so many things for her. She’d rather he have some sort of motive so that she can understand why he would like her. In the end, it also makes me doubt whether V really likes her or just wants to save her with his sunlight that is attracted to her darkness… But I guess that could be a form of love as well..

Although V blames his selfishness for destroying Rika since what he projected unto her wasn’t love but his own stubborn expression of himself that was restrained due to his fears of possibly being a failure as an artist. She was the only one that could see through his photos the meaning of them all. But just as he blames himself for not understanding her, so should Rika. She failed to understand V himself and his thoughts and dragged Saeran and all these other people into her crazy cult. I’m so mad that Saeran became like this because of her insecurities and problems.

Rika blames V for not being able to save her, but really, the one with the duty to save her was none other than herself. If she gives up herself as she did then no matter what V did, it wouldn’t have connected, which it did not. In the end, we can only rely on ourselves to help ourselves. And for someone like her who refuses help, how can she expect others to save her? If V is selfish, then Rika is the most selfish one because in the end, she never cared about anyone but herself. Whether it be her charity organisation or V, she didn’t do these things for others, she did it to make herself feel good and feel saved. Regardless, it did help others but she also created a great deal of pain with Mint Eye by brainwashing people with drugs, physical pain and words, things can’t balance out like this though, so in the end, Rika needs to understand the gravity of her actions and the consequences it caused to people like Saeran.

Ray has done bad things but I can’t help but feel so bad when I choose the answers that break his heart. Especially when I can so understand the sentiment of wanting to be useful to someone, to be acknowledged, to not be abandoned and to not be alone. Ray is of course an extreme case of this but nevertheless relatable. You can understand why V had to lie that she suicided considering the influence she has over the RFA and how easily she could have manipulated them to Mint Eye if V didn’t intervene..

It’s kinda saddening to see that V’s love for Rika was obsession, but then so was hers in a sense considering what she always wanted was to be accepted and saved, she believed that love could save her so when V’s didn’t and instead illuminated all her insecurities, she went nuts. It’s nice to see V realise his faults for hiding everything and merely projecting his desire to be a free artist/person through his obsession/love towards Rika but in the end, it’s too late isn’t it? Saeran having to be a sacrifice from all this is just too sad… I still think V should have told 707 about Saeran since he had a right to know. But as stated, it’s all too late… It’d be just too painful to 707 if he were to tell him of Saeran’s death now… Sigh, such a depressing route for all the characters this time around..

Overall, I think the route lacked the romantic connection needed between V and the heroine since it was just mainly the heroine trying to support him all the time as he tried to get through the pain of Rika becoming like this and hurting others due ot their relationship problems. But yeah, very heavy and depressing route...

[elizabethhollowswriting-blog]

The Forbidden Flame - Q&A

Hi there!

So a few of you lovely readers have come to me with some questions about “what happens next?” or “you know that thing you mentioned in the story, what happened there?” regarding The Forbidden Fame and I have happily answered. I sent them direct responses, but I thought I’d also mention those answers here.

So if you’ve read the story and have a few queries or would just like to hear my thoughts on the “post-story” world. You can click below the cut, but if you haven’t read the novel, please beware: there be spoilers ahead!

Q1. What about Kyr's rock?? Did he figure it out just like Evander figured out the tablet and also not say anything? I can't imagine he just forgot about it.

I actually had intended to write a scene about this in the story but it never managed to happen. The original plan was for Kyr to be in Evander’s room, to see the tablet and go "oh! you completed it!? Why didn't you ask for the deal?" and this scene fluctuated depending on where it was in the story (prior to the confession or post-confession), but it quickly ended up being more likely after they spent their first night together. They would then they tease each other about it. 

I... honestly can't remember if I had planned to have Kyr work out the truth behind the rock or not (I think I intended for Kyr to have grown fascinated with other items and without Evander asking about it or mentioning the tablet, he didn't say anything either. Likely not wanting to bring it up if Evander had forgotten about it in the years that passed). But either way, I was going to have Evander win the bet and ~claim his prize :)

Q2. How do the ismach as a whole take the reveal of the romantic relationship between the chosen Kon and the interloper? How, if at all, does that change his chances of being accepted/voted for or whatever? 

I personally believe that considering Kyr got the support of most, if not all, of the Elds and Kón’s, that his acceptance would slowly flow down into the rest of the people. There would certainly be some ísmachs who didn't like the idea of Kyr in general, let alone him being with the future Orandi but I think Aapeli, Janaya and the other supporters of Kyr would all come together to help. They would all travel with him to the villages and meet the people. They would see how he is so unlike what most ísmachs believe a firmach is meant to be. 

I also think Evander and Kyr would go out of their way to find information on the original feud and spread the truth of what happened so long ago. They would dispel the rumors and Evander would make it his duty to show his people why peace is better than hate. 

The fact that the ísmachs are not generally considered hostile or fighters by nature, I think would only be a benefit. While it wouldn't happen overnight (and some people wouldn't do more than ever tolerate Kyr) for the most part, the people who see him often, meet him, and hear him flail with glee over their culture would grow to adore him.

They would likely still accept Evander as their chosen Orandi regardless of his... taste in lovers. The people who didn't wouldn’t be able to fight it since Kyr would not be doing anything to threaten their world. Mostly though, I think the ísmachs would accept it. It would be the firmachs of Hial that would be much more difficult to win over...

Q3. How is their relationship going to fair with Kyr constantly coming and going? How do they work out the kinks that are going to come up? Do they have a plan, or are they just gonna wing it and hope it works out all okay? How is it going to play out differently from the last time Kyr was in this situation? Was it that he only tried to stay put then and never travel for intervals which was the problem before? How much of a difference will that change make, that he'll still travel this time? How will they find a balance between staying and bouncing around? What if Evander falls in love with traveling and it becomes a concern to the Kons, that he won't be around 24/7 like the Orandi always has been?

I think Kyr would be happy to stay on Ma'toire for a few months, even a year to just learn the planet and be with Evander. But you're right, the itch to travel would crawl under his skin. But as you said, the last time that he stayed with someone probably felt more like he was forced to in order to save the relationship. Evander however, isn't going to do that. He's going to be sad nervous and worried about Kyr going off and travelling, but he's not going to stop him. 

My guess is Kyr does leave, does travel but he finds that he misses Evander too much and so he cuts his trip short and comes back. Evander would be surprised but over the moon and greet him with a tight hug and a hard kiss. I would say Kyr admits the truth when they're curled up in bed together that he missed Evander and couldn’t stay away. He still wants to travel but, damn it, he doesn't want to leave Evander behind either. I would suspect that Janaya makes the suggestion that she stays Orandi a little bit longer and Kyr and Evander can go and do some travelling. That it would be good for a future leader to have ties with many other worlds. It would also give the ísmachs a chance broaden their horizons and get in touch with other planets. Evander and Kyr would likely do some diplomatic ventures over the coming years. And I bet it takes a decade or so to get the hang of it, but Evander does travel with Kyr quite a bit (and a small legion of ísmachs) and Kyr becomes an unofficial (until it becomes official) ambassador for Ma'torie.

Kyr knows people all over the universe and has a good reputation and Ma'toire likely has some great things to trade with. This way Evander does a lot of work on his own planet and then with Kyr in the universe. But eventually, when Evander becomes Orandi his travelling ability is limited, but by that point, Kyr is so in love with Evander and his new home that he's more likely to stay home on Ma'toire and only travel for  diplomatic reasons and to some of his favourite places.

The big thing, I think is for Kyr to not feel like he’s trapped on the planet, combined with the fact that unlike with his past lover, he’s more matured and willing to settle with someone who never told him he had to, just that they would like him to stay for a while.

Q4. Do they ever find out what the initial conflict between their people was? There's such a focus on stories and discovery of information, I kind of felt like someone somewhere in the universe would eventually have something to say on the matter. With it being the core antagonist, I was kinda hoping for more light to be shed on the subject eventually?

I actually didn't focus a lot on the conflict because a) sometimes there isn't always an answer and information gets lost in time and history. And I wanted there to be an element of that here as well as a level of how it didn't matter that much to ever know, because all that mattered was each other.

I would say that initially the conflict likely had a lot to do with firmachs and ísmachs splitting apart and fighting over territories as well as trying to determine who had the most power. It probably got to such a destructive point that the humachs got involved. When there was too much damage than good happening, I’m guessing a few firmachs and ísmachs convinced their races to retreat back to the worlds that they had found and now called home. Likely to plot revenge but mostly so they could regroup - but it never actually amounted to anything. 

So they mostly just told rage filled tales that grew and multiplied over the years and like all bad, racist habits that without broadening horizons or seeing/exploring different worlds, there was no way to see why it was wrong and why the feud shouldn’t exist anymore.

Q5. How big or small is the universe that Kyr has been 'basically everywhere'? Or was that just him exaggerating? Cause if he really has, could that ever change how much he wants to travel?

It honestly could go either way. He probably hasn't been "everywhere" but he might have been to all the main places on his bucket-list so while there is still more out there and he likely would have kept exploring before he met Evander, when he did meet him Kyr found something more important and a home. Hell, he found a reason to have a home again. So yes, that was probably a large part of why he stays on Ma'toire rather than looking for "the next best thing" when he's pretty damn sure he found it in his new boyfriend.

Q6. Will there be more Kyr and Evander!? I want to know what happens next! Ok, ok... It's pretty obvious what happens next ;) but what about after that?

I'm... undecided about if there would be anymore of Kyr and Evander. Maybe not in a book, but in short stories or drabbles on tumblr? Highly possible. I did vaguely consider them taking a trip to Hial. But, again, no definite plans. 

Q7. I was also curious if Kyr figured out the significance of the ice shades?

I believe it doesn't take long for Kyr to find out about the Ice Shades, maybe a few days after they ~get together. I doubt Aapeli would tell him, but I bet he might hear others talking about it and/or some of the other Kón's asking if he's been there and cooing about it and "the first time I took my lover there..." and then Kyr kind of smiling a little softly. I bet he'd ask to go back there and see it again, to go there on an actual date with Evander where they hold hands and kiss and Evander smiles shyly the whole time. 

Q8. I get the impression that Kyr is different than the majority of his people. He seems to be open minded... Is this one reason why he and Evander work? 

You're absolutely right! Kyr was always different in the sense he was curious and desperate to see more of the universe and then the more he traveled the more he was forced to strip his ignorance and naivety as well as his preconceptions. 

Kyr, upon travelling, realised a lot of things he knew and believed were wrong. And since he was always looking for a change from where he grew up, it was easy for him to accept that and become even more open-minded about everything and everyone. 

The other firmachs though? Yeah, not so much. They are, in general, very passionate, volatile and easy to erupt. That makes them more likely to hold onto grudges and distrust things new to them. If Ma’toire's people are open, Hial's people are the opposite: closed-off and more inclined to react violently to any kind of change. Annnnnd that’s it! I hope you liked the answers, and if you have any more questions, feel free to drop me an ask :)

[therealdragonnerdagain]

S7 E7

"Maybe it is all cocks in the end."

At first I found that hilarious. Then I realized it was just more typical men thinking their dicks are the center of all happiness in the universe.

It's funny how Grey Worm found happiness without a penis (then later, Theon finds courage without a penis), while Bron and and Jaime are both miserable wretches with penises in tact.

The saddest part is, there are many men just like them in real life, who think life must be awful without a dick. In fact, that line of thinking is the entire basis of misogyny. Us poor women. So "inferior" because we don't have cocks.

I like that Brienne and the Hound had their little conversation. Somehow, it was nice to see that. It was also interesting to realize how each of them view Arya: The Hound knew her when she was a helpless child; Brienne knows her as a fierce assassin.

Bron has gotten really cocky. I never before realized it, but he deeply resents having to get by on whatever gold purses are dangled in his face by various pampered lords. Now he gets to play the role of "lord" and could give less than a shit about Tyrion. Kinda sad and funny at the same time.

I guess he only cares about Pod now, as he removed him from the negotiations to protect him.

"Am I gonna die in this shit city?" Lol.

I also love that the Hound called Tyrion out with "This is all your idea." About time someone said something. How stupid was this plan? And why in FUCK did they agree to it?

So does Brienne return Jaime's feelings? When she saw him, I swear she got flustered and short of breath.

Then that look Cersi gave Jaime and Brienne.LOL.

Cersi didn't even blink when the dragon landed. Lmao. Stone cold.

Cersi has got a court wizard who brings people back from the dead. Why did she believe them? They could have had a more powerful necromancer pull that off just to scare her.

Euron is such a bastard but an entertaining bastard. Lol. I like when Jaime got defensive of baby brother Tyrion.

Then Euron cheks out, to no one's surprise.

Jon Snow makes me miss Alistair, haha. Alistair was based partly on him, but David Gaider is white, so no one accused him of "stealing." See, white people are "inspired" when they copy things and black people are "theives with no imagination or writing skill of their own."

I also realized for the first time tonight that Anora was obviously based on Cersi. No wonder I love her Cersi(again, as an entertaining character, not a person).

And man, that was hard seeing Jaime be mean to Brienne. "And tell her what?" sneered at Brienne, like he'd never felt anything for her. I think it was hard for him to finally accept that Cersi is terrible. Throughout the episode, we can see him struggling to accept the truth, and his dismissal of Brienne is his attempt to battle that. He would rather go on believing Cersi is good and misunderstood than embrace the fact that she is actually quite awful and Brienne is the better woman.

So they went through all that trouble and lost an entire dragon just so Cersi could refuse to call a truce . . . sigh. Dany said the same thing I was thinking. Her dragon died for Jon and he threw its sacrifice away (because he's in love with Dany).

And what REALLY drives me crazy is that after Tyrion's plan failed, everyone turned and looked to him for guidance  . . . WHY.

Even Varys, the fucking Spider, doesn't have any ideas? Why does everything always rest on Tyrion? Why do D&D have such a boner for him?

I was kind of . . . angry when Tyrion said the only difference between Cersi and Dany was him. It's ironic coming from me, I know (I used to criticize Show-Dany a lot). But seriously? Dany made mistakes when she was a child. Because the books and the show are a bit different, it's easy to forget that Dany made mistakes out of youthful naivety (she was suppposed to be a teenager in the beginning) and not because she was an awful person.

Meanwhile, Cersi is just an awful person.

The level of arrogance it took for Tyrion to give himself all the credit, to act like Dany was just a horrible, impulsive (irrational wimmenz!) Cersi-with-a-leash . . . it's astounding.

I never thought I'd get to a point where I actually stopped liking Tyrion but really . . . Tyrion is starting to sound like a misogynist. He thinks women are wild, impulsive, irrational creatures to be controled by rational, reasonable men . . . entirely ignoring the existence of Jon Snow, who is the living embodiment of emotional impulses. Hell, the entire reason he had to talk to Cersi one-on-one was because of Jon Snow's lovelorn outburst at the negotiations. Jon might as well have shouted, "I love you, Dany!!!"

In short, Tyrion is a misogynist. He's the lowkey kind. Because I don't mean that he actively hates women -- he just doesn't see women as people. He supports Dany simply because he thinks she can be controlled while Cersi can not. To him, Dany is a tool to make the world a better place. He sees her as a person about as much as Jorah, which means not at all.

Interestingly enough, in the very next scene, Dany talks about how a dragon is not a slave. She talks of how her famliy tried to control their dragons and the dragons wound up wasting away. It's basically the same thing Tyrion and all her (male) advisors are trying to do to her, she just doesn't realize it yet.

Sansa calling Arya "Aria." Sigh.

I loved it when Dany basically said "Shut up, Jorah." HaHAha.

Theon, bout time you tried to save your sister, you piece of shit.

While it was great seeing Theon learn from Jon Snow to do the right thing, it was also annoying that -- yet again -- a great female character was regulated to the role of plot device just to motivate him and carry his story arc.

So in essence, Yara was objectified. She became a goal, an object to be rescued, a damsel in distress, moved off the stage so that little Theon could have his story arc.

Sansa and Arya were working together after all. Holy shit. Awesome!!!

Little Finger on his knees begging Sansa to spare him, tears in his eyes. God yes. Hahaha. This made my week. Seriously.

Now we know why Arya handed Sansa that dagger: she was offering her services.

Ayra. So cold. Little Finger: "P-Please, Sansa -- !" SLICE

So that's why Sansa sent Brienne away.

Um . . . where is Robyn?

Cersi is so racist. Calling the Dothroki "monsters." The real monsters never realize they are the monsters. That's actually the basis of racism: zero introspection. I mean, us black people are amoral monsters and lazy criminals. We don't commit crimes because white people oppress us or anything.

I have to hand it to Cersi, though: if Dany and Jon Snow combined can't stop the undead army, what difference will her pitiful armies make?

So Cersi was working with Euron. Shit.

Cersi almost killed both her brothers in one episode.

So Sam was listening to Gilly after all. And Jon's real name is Aegon. Because it's not like Rheagar already had a son named Aegon or anything.

Jon and Dany got it on, and Tyrion didn't approve. (Seriously, Tyrion. Why are you hanging around outside her door in the middle of the night?) The sex scene was also super awkward.

I was shocked by Little Finger's tears. I think Sansa was too. And she knew him longer than Arya, so she had more pity.

"You're still very strange and annoying." Lmao.

Now the Night King has got his own dragon and the undead have arrived.

Some part of me wishes season 7 was the last season.  

[embee-the-nd-enby]

Atomic Blonde thoughts-that-also-kinda-turn-into-synopsis-with-critique from a bi woc

Overall: - Charlize Theron plays an excellent badass again - unnecessary Death, but arguments can be made that it wasn't for as nefarious a reason as some are portraying (still beyond fucked!) (and also still with HIGH trigger rate so pls be safe my lil noodles) - am holding out for a Twist sequel for Twist Sequel purposes but also for the directors and producers to redeem themselves - 8 0 s S Y N T H P O P What we saw in trailers: Charlize Theron, Lorraine Houghton, wayy bisexual, pulverizing a bunch of white dudes (rather creatively as well), whose line of work gets those close to her (her lady lover) hurt What i saw in the movie: Charlize Theron, Lorraine Houghton, wayy bisexual, pulverizing a bunch of white dudes rather creatively, whose line of work gets those close to her (her lady lover) hurt, 8 0 s S Y N T H P O P The action: incredible. Charlize Theron did all her stunt work and the scenes were done very excellently in my opinion just because it was very... real? I'm not sure if i'll explain this right. But like when Lorraine going against multiple guys, it isn't the whole "wait until she's done fighting that one before i attack" like she would get overwhelmed if she hadn't already pummeled one before moving on to the next. She was incredibly creative in her weapon types and uses. The weapons with silencers didn't sound like Star Wars weapons going "pew pew!" Everyone was t i r e d after beating the shit out of each other! Like there were attacks from both sides that wouldn't work because they were weak, coughing, wincing, weezing, bleeding, all that. Looks: well first it was rockin to see 80s punk rockers again, so nice. AND ALSO THE MUSIC. THE AURAL AESTHETIC WAS GREAT. My dudes it's bloody as heck. The creativity in weapons extends to her wardrobe and that was so dope because those are her tools: badassery in fighting and style going hand in hand. Lorraine looks DISGUSTING when she gets beat up; her hair is a mess, makeup no longer visible under the blood and bruises and swelling. She's not the unrealistic killer woman that men have made as pristine and pretty all the time and that was great to see hollywood show that in a woman. Diversity/Representation: Pretty damn white. There is a person of color, a woman, a lesbian woman! But still in singular which is wack and outdated and i'm tired of it. The main character, a woman, is bi which is GREAT (i am partial of course) but once again, we're left in single digits. I am tired enough to allow the benefit of doubt that a majority of the male character's sexual orientations were not addressed and therefore technically can't write them off as straight.................. but i mean... Lorraine's bisexuality and wlw relationship was not made into a big to-do with her associates and colleagues. It just Was, if you get me. Which was nice! They were gay together without commentary on it being wrong/immoral/hot/whatever. When fighting, the men never sexually harassed or taunted her (i.e comments about 'liking feisty ones' and any comments about coercion and sexual assault). There are more comments after SPOILERS on this down below! Plot: fairly standard for these intelligence-agency movies where it's more focused on the what's-happening rather than why. I mean they address that in the end, about 'not even remembering what it's about' and all that. But pretty bland. However! There were some great twists! Somewhat predictable, depending how into the story you are i guess, but good twists! Also the fact that they didn't make Lorraine the emotional raving widow after finding out her dude lover was killed. They didn't make her intensity stem from mourning a guy, or that her ferocity was because of some guy; somebody is killing operatives, there is a mole, people are after her, and she has work to do Acting: great. I really thought all the characters that were established were portrayed throughout the entire movie. Lorraine is hardened from all the shit she's seen and been through, SMART AF, dry and witty as hell, confident as hell, but also vulnerable because she still has/will go through shit (more on this later under SPOILERS !) Percival is played douchey throroughly. There are some wisecracks and moments of humor that give him some likability but he doesn't lose the doucheiness (more later!) Delphine is a young naive woman but earnest and ambitious and is played through and through. She's not written/portrayed as useless or helpless like the comments i've been seeing say. She's out of her depth but can still make attackers struggle. She also knows she wanted to do the right thing but also is aware that she went about it in a way that's out of her league (there's also a really fucking annoying thing about what was written in her Naive personality that i discuss more later) Atomic Blonde was quite flawed. Duh. The plot was so very thin, could be summed to 4 words and yet wasn't all that clear at times? It was so white. Shocker. The diversity and representation was reduced to tiny single digits: one (1) person on color; one (1) lesbian; one (1) bisexual; two (2) women (or i guess technically three are actually on screen in some sort of focus). I enjoyed the wlw for obvious reasons, but i still had to contend with the Male Gaze aspects. Like Charlize Theron was one of the producers of the movie but there were scenes that we all know were also for men to enjoy *sprains eyes from rolling* i do enjoy that Delphine's character was initially a man in the graphic novel but they made her a woman. SPOILERS Right. So. The trailer shows us Delphine getting sexually involved with Lorraine and then later to be personally/romantically involved: 'everyone that gets close to you gets hurt' and a person attacks from behind. So we are expecting another lesbian death to add to the Trope Toll. And we do. She is strangled in lacy undergarments by a male in her bedroom area (she also was listening to music through earphones while she is expecting an attack like ??? That level if stupidity and naivety was not deserved. She fucking works for French Intelligence, they wouldn't hire a moron). So all this obviously enraged me but as someone who is not a lesbian, i can't imagine how traumatic this can be for y'all and i'm sorry that hollywood did you dirty like this again. Delphine was a woman confident in her sexuality and also wearing underwear around was rather commonplace. HOWEVER the story could have still flowed and ended superbly if Delphine wasn't killed in the triggering way she was, or ended up alive (I seriously thought she would since there had been several twists in the story already and i'm still kinda holding out for her making a surprise-return). She was prepping the photo proof of Percival's backstabbery, was then attacked, fought back and injured Percival (EXCELLENT stab, fuck i was so happy for a moment) and fought to the end, I will say this though: Delphine's death wasn't for shock factor, it wasn't BY A LONG SHOT the most gruesome death, it wasn't because she was lesbian, it wasn't because Lorraine is bi, it wasn't because she was a woman, etc. A lesbian didn't die to make the story more gripping or whatever. She died because she was someone close to the main character (which, like, damn do i stay glad the character was a woman or do i wish it was another man killed off, like??) Once again though, the story could have progressed, ended, and seriously improved if Delphine didn't die. Percival that limdick roach fuck. James McAvoy played that through and through. Lorraine sees through his (easily believable) façade of mainstream douchey behavior and carelessness and whatnot. She knows she can't trust him further beyond the Don't Trust Anyone rule. While awful, his awfullness didn't really exceed beyond. Like he double crossed almost everyone the entire movie. Big whoop. There wasn't anything about his character that was extraordinarily evil ufeelme (save for how the murder scene played out). He just kept sending people after Lorraine and was fairly standard trash. Lorraine is sneaky and smart af. Charlize did a spectacular job playing the armored main character that's resourceful and strong as all-get-out. She didn't take shit from anyone, was portrayed both dignified and sexual rather than having to be one or the other. She was gritty and not interested in looking good for anyone but herself, but Charlize was able to add vulnerability very well. Small things like after a massive guns-n-fists fight, a dude pulls out a double-edged knife and you can see a flicker of panic coz she's fucking tired and hand-to-hand with knives is harder than guns. She also cuddles with Delphine after they have sex! Then big things like having a moment to grieve after finding Delphine. She had, to whatever depth or extent, developed feelings for Delphine and so yet again a person she cared for is gone. And we get to see this ultra-composed, efficient, brutal badass allow herself to feel. And then she goes after Percival with a renewed vigor and kills him brutally after all the shit he put her through and she avenges Delphine. Overall again: - hollywood refuses to surprise me - 7/10 - probs wouldn't see it again, like buy-my-own-ticket again, but would not be opposed to seeing blonde Charlize Theron kick ass in heels to Duran - still down for seeing non-shamed, not-overly-sexualized-for-men wlw

[chromemuffin]

Shoukoku no Altair Liveblog (Chapter 2)

First: I adore how fluid the lines are for this image (left: magazine scan; right: jpn digital ver).

Second: I got my hands on the digital Japanese raws (cmoa.jp was having a sale and the first volume of Altair was free)! It’s surprising how much better the quality is compared to the magazines (see the image above). I guess it would be worth it to buy the digital from Kodansha, though they currently only have the first volume.

Anyway, I have no set way of liveblogging this currently...I planned on doing it in chunks but the posts get really long if I include more than 1 chapter so...I’ll see.

Before I start chapter 2, this is interesting. I noticed that the scans from the magazine lack this border (which appears in both digitally available versions as you can see here). Seems like it really gets cleaned up and added to for the compiled release.

Chapter 2: The Poison General

We get the Balt-Rhein Empire’s crest, but I don’t remember enough about European heraldry to talk about it so I’ll just leave it here.

I love the expressions on these people’s faces. And their poses. They’re probably dancing? I don’t know anything about Turkish dances.

First off, a bit of history about this fictional Turkiye. I have no clue how close it is to the real life counterpart, but apparently this Turkiye is a country of nomads and merchants, which a little wikipedia digging reveals to be true about some Turkish ethnic groups. It also has a “caravan road” and a “sea road” which is the equivalent of the Silk Road.

Breaking away from the exposition, we get some dude calling Mahmut’s name.

He’s adorable. And he’s reading a book with eagles on the cover, even better. AND he has a bookmark between his fingers. You see it in the book when he closes it, as well as an intricate looking pen. I just love this amount of detail UGH.

And, I don’t think I mentioned this last chapter, but I loooove how this manga-ka draws birds. They don’t look derpy?? Look at that deadly beak on Iskander.

Then this guy pops up. Ok his nickname is apparently 飾り帽子 meaning “decorated hat” which. I have no clue what that’s supposed to mean. Does he wear nice hats or does he have a lot of accomplishments...I dunno. He’s a governor/viceroy (総督).

Honestly all these titles are starting to confuse me. Are the vizers and pasha two different titles? Because they use the same kanji: 将軍 (meaning general) and there are 13 of each. So does that mean they put a 17-year-old in charge of a whole slice of their country?

whatever, I’ll just go with it.

OH so the pasha are vizers, I see...I just had to read a little further haha

Not sure what these two are going on about, but something to do with the country’s security. And things moving around behind the scenes.

They changed Shara’s appearance between the magazine and digital releases:

(digital: left; magazine scan: right)

I’ve never read both versions like this at the same time, so that’s a surprise. And before anyone gets all up in arms, the colors/shading on the magazine release are usually different/darker because they use lesser quality paper. That’s why her skin tone (as well as the background, which is apparent in certain panels) differ.

I never realized they differ so much?? Like, I know from other series that they clean up and add chapters to the tankobon but. I kinda like magazine Mahmut’s expression better, but digital Shara is an improvement. She looks a little creepy in the magazine with the very wide eyes lol.

Also Iskander. Mahmut is feeding him...something huge.

Ah, here they are in the panel before. lol that bird.

awww Not a social butterfly, eh. He’d rather sit in a corner feeding his eagle. Honestly, so would I. So would I.

Such a nice panel. Also, she apparently saw him 4 years ago?? He’s about 17 now, so that would make him 13 then. He doesn’t look much different. that’s manga for you.

omg haha poor boy getting dragged off to go dance. Although, he seems really uncomfortable here:

A combination of being embarrassed at his inability to dance and the gossip centered around him?

Maybe it’s just about his dancing after all. 

*went to look it up* Ah, yes, apparently it IS part of a dance from that region of the world. People can’t seem to decide if it’s more Turkish or Greek in origin, but whichever it is, that’s apparently how the people in that area danced.

aww he’s flustered.

lol Shara “You know, a pasha’s estate is a lot more modest than I’d thought.”

I actually thought it was a really nice, spacious place if it really is his house that he lives in all alone.

lol his “Get out.” 

omg it was a book of poetry??

HAHA so he decided to sleep on the roof instead. What season this? It’s said that they live in a desert, and Ibrahim mentions in the original Japanese that his wife gave birth to twins in the summer, so it isn’t summer...guess it’s not that bad outside haha.

WAIT. You can’t see this in the scans because the sky is too dark, but.

He brought Iskander up there with him.

And serious times now. Looks like that Louis guy from last chapter is up to no good again.

If I knew more about this region, maybe I’d be able to guess who these people are based on, but apparently they’re seeking to reclaim land they’ve lost.

Armed revolt, huh. does not sound good. OH WHAT.

The guy he just spoke to? Aah, that stunned look on his face, especially the crease in his brow, you can see how, well, shocked he is. And shell-shocked, at the bottom of the page when he’s remembering just how easily they hung out together a few days ago.

And notice how, while everyone else is moving onto how they heck they’re going to fix this (with Zaganos already declaring that he’ll take care of it), Mahmut is still in shock that such a thing happened, not wanting to believe it. It shows his lack of experience (the sort that comes with aging with the job). But at the same time, it’s his intense desire for peace that helps him solve these conflicts too. A bit of give and take.

Also, can’t decide if I like this guy or not:

Well, at least he looks cool. I haven’t mentioned it yet, but still loving the clothing designs. Though those boots look painfully annoying to lace up.

Oh, but look at this completely frustrated look.

Once again, he can’t do anything, and no one will even suggest compromise or find out why the people rebelled. Violence is once again the default, the established standard. It clashes completely with how Mahmut wants to approach things.

And then! He doesn’t scream or shout, he actually requests calmly for Zaganos to stop. Not that Zaganos will be pleased, probably, but at least Mahmut is reining himself in. And he waited a bit, too, seeing as Zaganos had time to leave and get on his horse.

He’s using polite language, too.「お待ちくださいザガノス将軍」

Look at this giant unimpressed frown:

Ooh, I really like this tension between the two. He tells Mahmut straight out that he wants to take advantage of this event, whatever caused it, to wipe the optimism/naivety off the pacifist faction’s faces.

“...have their eyes opened to the fact that powers able to make even the virtuous Ibrahim Vali revolt exist in this world.”

I really like that line. It’s hard to really hate the guy because has a point, just as much as Mahmut is right in that they should find out the root of the revolt before they act. It’s horribly cold, but he’s also right that it’s dangerous to, well, believe in the goodness of people when they have the safety of a country at risk, which is the exact opposite of Mahmut.

Of course, the fact that he may have known they would revolt and did not do anything about it just to take advantage of the situation is like, damn dude why are you so cynical. I dunno. Zaganos is interesting. Coldly efficient, extreme, yet I can understand where he’s coming from.

cute

he’s just so. small.

I like this awkward panel in which he is getting on the horse. Looks very weird but. it’s actually accurate for how people experienced at riding (and light enough to vault) look when getting on horses. I appreciate that the horse looks like a horse and not a horse puppet, too (the one other one above notwithstanding)

Also, I love how Halil supports Mahmut, such a great grandfatherly figure. 

LANGUAGE TIME OMG. When Mahmut says to tell Halil “Understood” as his message, he uses the word 心得 which translates to “understood” lol. But the kanji that make up that word are 心 “heart” and 得 “to gain”. just...let that sink in (an alternative that is more common is probably 分かりました or 承知, but that’s a little formal)

OMG. She fixed...this awkward horse...it has become so beautiful...Also, the background was changed to make it a starry night.

Ooh, and Shara comes along to help out Ibrahim!

AND I AM DONE. CHAPTER 2 DOWN. How many to go again...? That took forever.

← back・onward →

[fallen029]

His Coat

"I can tell why you like this thing."

Laxus was, at that moment, busy flipping through a book of spells over on his couch and didn't spare the woman a glance. "Can you?"

"Mmmhmm," Mirajane hummed as she pranced around in his apartment, the early dawn light filtering softly through the windows and giving her a far better look than the darkness of the night before had when she'd stumbled in there with the man. Across her shoulders, of course, laid his coveted fluffy coat that, honestly, Mira had wanted to snag since their first date.

It just so happened that the two first began seeing one another right at the tail end of winter. The season was growing warmer and, before Mirajane got a chance to accidentally forget her jacket one breezy March day and need his to keep from freezing to death, it was April and warm and, well, that was the end of that.

And it wasn't like they could get caught in a Spring shower or anything and her take it then because, obviously, it wasn't a rain coat. When it did rain, the thing got soaked and Laxus had to take it home to wash it. No chance for Mirajane to disappear with it and never give it back.

Not that that was her plan or anything. No. No way. She wasn't going to like, steal the thing or something crazy like that. Just borrow it. And wear it. Constantly. Around other people. To show them just who had tamed Laxus Dreyar.

Ugh. That in itself was a story, honestly. The man was not someone who was easy to get close to. Coupled with his avoidance to any close relationships and his inwardly self-absorbed persona was the Thunder Legion. And even though Mirajane had long earned their respect, that meant nothing when it came to dating their fearless leader.

Slowly though (and through a lot of breaks as he left on jobs or she just got swamped with work), she found herself becoming less his infrequent date and, somehow, his only one. In return, she said she'd make him the same for her which seemed to irk the dragon as, honestly, he'd thought he was.

The naivety that he had at times was one of the cutest things about him.

Another challenge quickly presented itself not soon after that in Mira's seemingly never-ending struggle to acquire Laxus' favorite coat. Namely, they never went back to his place.

Never. Not even when she was just the occasional date/hookup. Always motels or her house which, honestly, didn't bother her much. She knew that he was a private person and, if for whatever reason he didn't want her there, then fine. It was his apartment, his rules.

You know, until she became the one and only. Then it was more or less a demand that he stop coming over to her house, arguing with her brother, pestering her sister, and, somehow, always messing up at least one room. Usually the bathroom.

Instead, she decreed, they would begin going over to his apartment occasionally. It was only right, after all, for him to invite her there. She was a lady. He should treat her as such.

"Unless, of course," she teased at one point, "you got a secret family there you don't want me knowing about."

He didn't think that was funny, but then, the slayer was rather hard to get a smile out of.

That was part of the fun though and Mira rarely griped. Most every other guy she knew just laughed at her lame jokes in hopes of her letting them get into her pants. It usually worked too. But the fact that Laxus was resistant to this route not only made him all the more alluring, but also a rather fun puzzle to figure out.

At the moment though, there was no studying or analyzing the man. Just one glance at his face told her all she needed to know; he was late for something.

"Do you have something to do today, dragon?" she asked as, slowly, she came to join him on his couch. Laxus didn't glance at her and only turned the page in the book with a grunt.

"Is it practice or something?" She snuggled into the coat, wrapping it tighter around her. If it was too large for him almost, it was humongous on her. "With the Thunder Legion?"

Another grunt and page turn.

"Or is it something else?"

Taking in a deep breath, he let it out slowly before saying, "I was going to go speak with Gramps about something."

She tried not to look too disappointed that their morning together was ending before the sun was even fully up.

"Oh."

With a shake of his head, he went back to his book. "But it can wait."

"If Master is waiting on you-"

"It was just something I wanted to talk about," the man told her simply. "Not him."

"Was it important?"

"A bit."

"I'm sorry. Do I need to leave?"

Page flip.

"Did I say that?"

That brought her grin back as she bounced slightly, there on the couch, which actually disturbed him and got her a glare, but Mira only gave a sheepish grin in return. Rolling his eyes then, Laxus went back to looking up whatever spell he was trying to find as Mirajane only sat there, knees on the couch as she faced him, looking around after a moment or two.

"I honestly always assumed that you lived in some sort of swanky apartment in the heart of the town with tons of cool lacrimas all around and really expensive furniture," Mira gushed as he only sighed and, still not finding what he was looking for, turned the page.

Then he frowned.

"Swanky?"

Nodding, the woman repeated, "Swanky."

"Yeah, well," he replied with a slight shrug of indifference. "I'm not here a lot. I travel. What's the point of buying anything more than a couch, a bed, a dresser, fridge, and coffee table if I'm never around to use them? Huh? These? What's here? I used when I'm here. And only these. Anything else would just be wasteful."

"But still," she kept up, his coat nearly falling down one of her shoulders as she still continued to glance about. "I just figured you'd want really sleek looking stuff. You know, for when you entertained."

"Sleek and swanky?" Snort. "And I don't have people over."

"I meant, well, you know, women."

And for some reason, she stumbled a bit over that part which was just silly. They were exclusive in the moment, but to pretend like they weren't before was just childish. Laxus had had more than his fair share, she was certain, just as she had.

Another snort. "I don't bring women here."

"Why not?"

"Look at the place." He dropped the still opened book into his lap so that he could motion around.

"Looks fine to me," she remarked.

"Yeah, because I knew you were so keyed into comin' over that I had Freed and Ever detail the place for me. Spotless. Every other time it's filled with beer bottles and clothes everywhere."

Mirajane blinked. "Really?"

"Really," he told her, picking up his book once more. "Demon."

"I always took you as neat freak."

"Nope."

"Huh." Slowly, she sat back on her butt, her eyes keyed in on him then. "Well, I guess you have been alone for a long time. Lived alone, I mean. And if you really don't take people back here-"

"I really don't," he reiterated.

"-then what would be the point in cleaning?" Mira hummed then. "I'm very into cleaning though. As you know."

"If this is about your stupid bathroom, it's your fault for hiding the plunger."

"I didn't hide it, Laxus. It was in the cabinet beneath the sink."

"Should be right next to the toilet. Problem solved then."

"Or you could have just asked."

"And admit what I did? Yeah right."

"Oh and me finding it when you left was so much better."

"It was," he agreed as she only gave him a look. "You know, before you brought it up again. Constantly."

"Because it's disgusting."

"As if you've never clogged a-"

"And that wasn't the point. You left water on the floor for your shower, a wet towel as well, and had shaved without washing your hair out of the sink-"

"I'm a dragon, woman," he growled slightly, if not all together playfully. "A rogue. I know no boundaries."

"Or how to pick up a sponge and wipe out a shower."

"I told you," he complained, "that I had fallen into a mud pit and had to clean off."

"Doesn't excuse you leaving all that crud in the bottom of my shower."

"Can we find another topic? Please?"

Mirajane only got to her feet then, being sure to keep the coat around her as she did so. She was fearful that it was truly what Laxus was waiting for, that if she put it down, even for a second, he'd snatch it up and be out to the door, off to see his grandfather. Honestly she thought that she should just force him to go. How much longer would the man be around to just pop in on anyhow?

But she was greedy, as it was turning out, with the little time she had with her dragon. The closer that they grew, the more she wanted and, though the feeling was returned, Laxus just had none to give her. He was a wanderer at heart and, fine, Magnolia would always be home, but he wasn't someone to sit around and just enjoy it. No. Earth Land was wide and expansive. What would he look like, being (in his mind) the most powerful man to ever walk it and choose to hardly ever leave his childhood home?

And their relationship had been nowhere near long enough for Mirajane to stake any real claim to him, much less make demands of the man. It was fated to end poorly to begin with, they both knew; why give it a further push?

"Do you have anything for breakfast in here?" Laxus heard Mira call from the connecting kitchen. "Dragon?"

"Protein bars."

"Laxus, you can't be serious."

"Do I look like I cook, woman?"

"You look like you eat."

"You-"

"Here." She was coming back into the tiny living room then with the previous bars he'd mentioned. "Want one?"

She only tossed it at him though as she passed and he watched her head into the bathroom then, though it was just to take another peek. She'd seen it the night before, after all, right before they finally, truly called it a night. Laxus was kinda glad then that he'd forced the Thunder Legion (minus Bickslow) to tidy it up; if she thought he left her bathroom dirty, she'd have died if she saw how he usually kept it.

"I like the tile in there," she offered up as she came to, once more, join him on the couch. Only that time she sat on her butt, not facing him, focusing more on her breakfast. One thing about sleeping over at Mira's was that she made him breakfast if he managed the whole night. Once finding that out, he almost always did.

"Yeah," Laxus mumbled through a mouth of protein bar. "It's really...tile like."

He felt the eye roll. He just did. Don't ask how.

"Anyways," Mira sighed after a long pause in which Laxus turned the page a bunch more. Whatever he was looking for (or at least pretending too) must have been rather serious. "I suppose I should take off soon."

That time she got a slight shrug.

"Do as you wish," he told her simply. "I'm not forcing you out. You only pined after this place for months, after all."

"I did not pine."

"You pined."

"Oh, whatever."

Again, they both fell silent and Mirajane, still bundled up in his coat, slowly found herself snuggling up to the slayer. He allowed this, absently looking over page after page in that dang book. Finally, Mirajane found herself asking what he was searching for.

"It is quite the advanced book," he informed her. "There's a mage I encountered out on my last job and I cannot place his magic. I was going to ask Gramps about it."

"Oh. That was all?" Mira settled into him even more. "So I am truly not keeping you from something?"

"Believe me, demon," he grumbled, "if you were, you'd be gone by now."

She didn't, but that was okay.

As more light flooded the room and the sun only rose higher, Laxus got no closer to finding what he needed and just dropped the book in his lap before staring up at the ceiling with a slight moan. Cuddling closer to him, Mirajane shut her eyes in contentment.

Then Laxus spoke.

"I'm gonna catch a shower," he told her simply though he did not move to do so. "And then head out to see Gramps. I wished that I could figure this out on my own, but why waste time when the old coot might actually know exactly what it is that I need, huh?"

Mirajane only hummed. "I should be on my way too. I work the afternoon shift, after all. I want to go home and take a long soak in the tub and just relax. Not to mention my do...stray that I see occasionally is probably in need of something to eat."

Grunt. "I will see you at the hall then, later."

"See you."

And Mira was the first to get up, though that was to go to the bedroom and gather her clothes. She had, after all, been wearing only one of his button up shirts back out there in the living room. Even with her dress back on, however, Mirajane put no thought in slipping the slayer's coat right back on and heading first out of the bedroom and then towards the apartment door.

"I suppose," she heard Laxus complain from the couch where he was still very much so seated, "that I should keep the place clean from now on?"

"You mean have your slaves do it for you?"

"They gladly do my bidding."

Heh.

"If what you're asking," she sighed as she only stood at the door, one hand on the knob, not looking back at him, "is if I liked spending the night, then yes. Your bed is...comfortable."

"Told you, I never get much time to spend in it."

"Mmmm."

"We can stay over here some," he told her simply then. "More often. I just… I'm not big on taking women into my space."

"But you're all fine with screwing theirs up."

"Mira, you're gonna have to get over this bathroom thing."

Uh, no, she wouldn't. He'd have to get over the idea of her getting over it was more like it.

"See you at the guild then, dragon," she sang as he still only sat there, watching her leave. "Tonight."

"This afternoon," he corrected and, with a giggle, she took that as her cue. She was just turning the knob, however, when he spoke again.

"And demon?"

"Yes?" she sang, pausing once more.

"You're really intent on taking that with you, aren't you?"

"Oh, this?" She dropped the knob to reach out and pat the coat around her shoulders.

"Yeah." His voice had no play any longer. "That."

"I'm thinking about keeping it until tonight."

"Really now."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll be getting it back...right?"

"Do you not trust me, Lax?"

"You've only taken five of my favorite shirts and both of my favorite watches."

"You left those shirts over at my house."

"For you to wash! But now you won't give them back."

"I have to have something to wear to bed."

"The wat-"

"And to keep time with."

"They don't even fit your wrist!"

No, but they looked really nice among her jewelry on her dresser. Expensive.

"Dragon, I have to go. I know that you just want me to, like, move in and keep you company-"

"What?"

"-but please, be understanding."

Growl. Then, "Take it. You thief."

"I'm not a thief. I'm a borrower."

"Oh, sure."

"It's true." And that time she opened the door to head out. "Ask anyone. This is just what a girlfriend does."

And she was one hundred percent right, she thought. Until, well, a few weeks later when Laxus found himself back at her place once more.

"What are you doin'?" Mira yawned tiredly as the man got out of bed in the early pre-dawn hours. His moving hadn't woken her, but rather the sound of him going through her dresser in the corner of the room. "Lax?"

"Oh, nothing. Go back to sleep."

"Mmmm." She snuggled back into her pillow. "Lose something?"

"Nope." He got to the drawer he was looking for then and stared into it with a slight smirk. "Found it."

"Huh?"

"What I's lookin' for." Laxus held down a yawn as he slowly pulled out the first pair of underwear, looking them over. "I'll just be taking these and, ooh, these lace ones right here and, demon, why don't you wear these for me right here? Hmmm? You been holdin' out on-"

"What are you doing?" And suddenly, Mirajane was wide awake. "Laxus? Put those down. Wha- Don't put them in your pockets."

"Oh, no, yeah, they're mine now." He shoved a few more into his jean pockets before glancing back at her. "Since we're taking shit."

She frowned. "Am I dreaming?"

Nope. He'd just been laying there though, thinking about how much he'd hated his most recent job and, not because he'd failed at it, but rather he hadn't had his damn coat to make him look imposing and awesome. And, well, if he couldn't get his coat back then he was at least taking a few keepsakes of his own back to his apartment.

"I think I'mma head out, Mirajane. Sun'll be up in an hour or so and I'd just feel dirty, you know, walking around the streets with pockets full of panties."

Yeah. Somehow he was able to say that last sentence without breaking into a chuckle. Laxus was a truly committed.

"You're crazy. Come back to bed."

"Nope. These are mine now."

"What are you even going to do with-"

He turned then, just to look at her in the darkness. "Do you really want to know?"

And they both just stared. Then with long sigh, Mirajane said, "I take your things because I want to wear them and feel close to you and let others know how close we are."

"Nothing says close like me jerking one out in your underwear."

Still no cracking. Laxus was void as ever.

Mirajane, however, wasn't.

"Get out."

"That's sorta what I'm trying to-"

"Laxus, just… Fine. You want your coat that badly?"

Arguing with him had woken her up somewhat and, with a groan, she moved to tumble out of bed and go get it from the closet, where she'd hung it at the end of the night. When he didn't stay over it usually wound up in bed with her, as a blanket, even when it was far too hot for such a thing.

"Here." She even threw down a sniffle as she went to hand it over. "All I wanted to do was wearing it. You'd think you'd like that."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know." He'd taken the coat and was turning then to put her underwear back in its drawer. She watched in displeasure. "You like it when I wear your shirt."

"Meh."

"Laxus-"

"I don't get it, Mira. Why do you have to take my stuff?"

"Because it's...I don't know. I just like being close to you. You're always gone and I get so lonely."

Grunt. Then, "I get lonely too. Hence the panties."

"Alright, I let it slide before, but seriously, I'm about to kick you out."

Heh.

Closing the drawer when he'd put all the panties away, Laxus glanced back at the woman.

"You want my coat that badly, woman?"

"I don't, like, have to have it. I just like wearing it to the hall and around town and talking in a deep voice to people, like I'm you or something."

That last part was news to him and Laxus had to blink. Then he sighed and handed her the coat.

"Keep it then."

"Laxus-"

"It's still mine." Turning back to the dresser, he snagged his watches. "And so are these."

"I like looking at them though."

"Mirajane."

Sigh. Snuggling his coat towards her, she watched sleepily as, with his watches retrieved, the man went to go pull on his discarded shirt from the night before as well as his boots.

"You're really leaving?"

"Early training session." He put on one of the watches, admiring it, before glancing at her. "Go back to bed. I wasn't really going to leave with your underwear."

'You were too."

Maybe. But just to prove a point.

Still, Laxus waited for her to get back into bed, snuggled up with his jacket, before he left. Going over to her bedside first, he grinned as he patted her on the head.

"You really like it?" he asked softly as she only grinned up at him. "My coat?"

"I love it."

That was the first time that that word had been used between the two of them and, for a moment, Laxus' face tensed and Mirajane worried she'd said the wrong thing. Just as quickly however, he was leaning down to gently nuzzle his forehead against hers.

"Yeah," he breathed. "I love it too."

And she blinked, still clearly tired, but Laxus only straightened before, with a slight wave, turning to leave the room. Even after he was gone though, Mirajane only laid there, snuggling the coat to her as she drifted off once more.

Mmmm.

She really did love that coat. A whole bunch.

Except when her panties were involved. Err...eh. Maybe even then.

[kalosstarters]

Valentine’s day drabble 1

(Happy “Friends’ day”, as we Finns would say, @fairy-amy ♥)

In which Alain and Mairin are in various awkward situations, and their friends find out about them... in ways they don’t like. (kinky situations in honor of the Valentine’s day, but nothing explicit. And the mandatory note that Mairin is 19 and Alain 24. Btw this is not how it goes in my headcanon, just some possible situations I came up with. However, I’m still sticking to my HC that Mairin meets Misty in Kanto during her journey)

How Professor Sycamore found out:

“Oh, Mairin, good morning!” Professor Sycamore greeted his ex assistant who was staying at his lab before moving into her own apartment in Coumarine City, where she was supposed to start her job as a gym leader soon. “Did you sleep well?”

“Uhh.. I guess well enough... Something just distracted me,” she blushed deeply thinking of the reason of her “distraction”. The fact was that Alain had sneaked into her room last night (as he had done every night when Mairin was at the lab), and this time things had got more than just a bit heated. She could still feel where he had touched her... 

Mairin had to shake her head to clear her mind, but unfortunately for her while doing that she also exposed a dark mark on her neck. 

“It’s none of my business, but is that a hi... I mean, did you have a friend staying over?” Professor Sycamore asked, trying to be as nonchalant about it as he could. 

“Not really...” Mairin answered awkwardly.

“What do you mean? Did you fall on your neck then?” Professor’s question was not a sarcastic one, because knowing how clumsy the girl was, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had found a way to accidentally bruise her neck too.

“The thing is... Ugh, I’m not good at lying. Someone did it. But it’s just... he’s not a guest. You kinda know him already.”

Exactly in that moment Mairin’s door behind them opened, and out came a very messy haired Alain with just a sleeveless and boxers on. And did his eyes lie, or did the Professor see a shiner on his neck too?

“Oh. My. Arceus. I think I need to sit down for a bit,” Augustine announced.

“What’s going on?” Alain asked with a confused look on his face. He was still too sleepy to realize he had just revealed them.

“Alain. He. knows.”

“Oh!” he finally processed what was happening, and suddenly felt very exposed. “Professor... we can explain...”

“There’s no need to explain anything! I’m just so happy you guys have finally admitted what I have known for a very long while! Marvelous! But why didn’t you tell me? We need to celebrate this!”

Alain and Mairin simply exchanged very confused looks because of the older man’s outburst. Professor Sycamore could be so unpredictable sometimes. 

How Steven found out

“Alain, can I come in?” Steven Stone, who was currently doing research on some very rare stones found only in Kalos, asked his friend. 

“Could you please wait outside? I’ll be there in a minute,” was Alain’s quick reply. Steven didn’t ask what he was doing, he figured he’d find out anyway.

In a minute the door opened and Alain showed up with his hair still wet and a robe on his underwear. 

“I was just taking a shower,” he explained, and Steven didn’t question it. But he swore he had heard another voice from the bathroom too...

“I thought you were with someone... Hey, where’s Mairin?” he asked slyly. Just like Professor Sycamore, he definitely knew something was going on between his friends, but he had already started thinking that they’d never act on it. 

“I wouldn’t know, I was in the shower, like I said. And you probably heard Sophie or Cosette talking with Sycamore downstairs...” Alain tried to shrug it off.

“Do you really think the Hoenn champion is that dumb? Those sounds were definitely more like me and Wallace in the bath than Sophie reporting something.”

“Too much information!” Alain exclaimed, not wanting to hear the details of the Hoenn champion’s love life. “Mairin, you can come out, we are busted.”

“I told you it was not a good idea,” she showed up and showed her tongue at Alain. “Steven, I’ve made this guy a monster. I swear to Arceus’ name, before he didn’t even dare to touch me, but now...” she closed her mouth, realizing she was revealing too much. 

“So, are you guys officially together?”

“Yes,” they admitted in unison after a bit of hesitating.

“This is so great! The next time you guys come to Hoenn, we’ll go on a double date!”

Alain and Mairin rolled their eyes at each other. That sure would be interesting...

How Ash (and some others) found out

“Misty, have you seen Alain and Mairin? I thought I saw them like 15 minutes ago, but now I can’t find them anywhere,” Ash Ketchum asked his sort of girlfriend (it was complicated. Mostly because even at 20 Ash had trouble understanding what being in a relationship meant. He did, however, know that he liked Misty in a different way than his other female friends) with whom he had arrived for a visit in Kalos. It was Clemont’s wedding day, and there was no way Ash would have missed it. But now Clemont and his wife had left the wedding reception, and the guests started talking about after parties or just going home, and Ash wanted to know what his two other friends were planning on doing. 

“No, Ash. Do you think I’d be standing here with you if I knew where they are?” Misty answered sarcastically, but Ash knew she enjoyed his company anyway, so he didn’t care. “I guess we should ask the Professor if they left already...”

However, Professor Sycamore knew just as little about Alain and Mairin as they did. He had seen them taking some food about at the same time as Ash, but after that he had lost them from his sight. Sycamore did have his suspicions, but since Alain hadn’t told about his and Mairin’s relationship to Ash yet, he decided to keep his mouth shut. 

Five minutes later a flustered looking couple sneaked from the shadows of Prism Tower, and neither noticed that Alain still had magenta colored lipstick left on his neck, and cream from some dessert on the hem of his suit. Misty of course noticed immediately, and just rolled her eyes knowingly, while Ash just smiled at his friends, and innocently asked where they had been.

“Ehh... We were just enjoying the cake on the top of Prism Tower... The view is so beautiful from there,” Mairin quickly made up a lie, because she thought Clemont’s wedding wouldn’t be the best time to announce their relationship. 

“Sure,” Misty said, “and obviously that’s why his neck has some lipstick on it...” she pointed at Alain.

“Oh, you do have something there, Alain,” Ash commented too. “How did that happen?”

“Ash, how can you be so oblivious? They were not eating... well, not at least cake... they were having S E X on the roof,” Misty scolded him, but was also amused by his boyfriend’s naivety. 

“What? Am I missing something? You were... What does this mean?”

“Fine”, Mairin sighed “We didn’t really want to tell yet, because this is still so new and confusing, but Ash, it means Alain and I are a couple. Together. A boyfriend and girlfriend.” Great. Now everyone around them knew, she thought. And not just that, they also knew they were doing it.

Suddenly a voice behind them yelled: “FINALLY you said it out loud! I and Serena have been betting how long it would take... I won!” 

The groom’s little sister Bonnie appeared behind them, and she had the most delighted expression on her face. 

“Serena claimed it would still take several years before Alain comes out of his shell, but I said that he has already done it. And I was right,” she winked. “Pleaaase get married soon you two, I want to be a maid of honor again!”

Suddenly an Aipom arm grabbed the blonde girl from her dress, and they saw an angry, newly-wed Clemont using it. 

“I knew I had forgotten something! You can’t let it be even on my wedding day!” he scolded his sister, who, despite being a lot older now, hadn’t lost her will to match make. “Papa, take Bonnie home, she is causing drama again!”

“What did she do this time?” Meyer joined the group, and everyone looked at Alain and Mairin. 

“Just... talked something about upcoming weddings and stuff,” Alain finally spoke for the first time after being caught by his friends. “It’s been a lot of fun, but I’m afraid we need to go now.” He took Mairin’s hand and and pulled her with him.

“Clemont, you can say whatever you want... but I bet the next wedding we are going to see is theirs,” Bonnie finished, and everyone laughed with her.