#and I've gotten close to writing it like eight times and then just haven't because I didn't like where it was going

[lady-of-the-garden]

I love overthinking things just for them to be so simple as to not even be worth mentioning

[endo-bunny]

Sit Down Now and Rest

-~-~-~-~-~-~

Description: You had anxiety and depression, and Tony and Bruce were more than happy with getting you anxiety meds the moment that you asked. When you stop taking your meds, your mental health plummets and spirals as well as your physical health, and everyone notices. Don't worry though, they're there for you.

Pairing: (Platonic) Avengers x Teen!Reader

Type: Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Depression, anxiety, sickness, fainting, dizziness, taking meds(both medicated and just vitamins/iron supplements), dehydration, insomnia, depressive and hurtful thoughts, reader doesn't talk very much in this, nicknames(Kiddo, Kid, Hun)

Word Count: 1,627

Note: I may or may not have written this with too much of myself being present… But it's fine! I also wrote this at like 2 in the morning so it's kinda rough but I just needed to get this typed out so here ya go! Also, the characters might be kinda ooc because I haven't watched any marvel movies in a little while but I've been hyper focused on fics with them lately so yea. And I am working on my tlou and tech fics, it's just hard to find the motivation to write them, but don't worry, I'm working on em.

-~-~-~-~-~-~

You were quick to notice that you stopped taking your meds. You knew that they helped you, but you couldn't get yourself to start the habit of taking them again. You wanted to, most definitely, but you couldn't. Every day was the same. Wake up, look at your meds, contemplate taking them, saying you'll take them later, go train, eat, and then not take them.

You also stopped taking them at night too. You had even set alarms so that you'd remember to take them, but it didn't help at all. Natasha was the first to notice that something was up, being the closest one with you. When she realized that something wasn't quite right, she made sure to keep a close eye on you. She was quick to pick up how dizzy you looked when you'd get up, sometimes not even being able to stay standing before you crumbled back onto the couch. You'd always play it off as if you just lost your footing but she and everyone else knew that that wasn't the case.

One morning you had gotten up much later than you had recently been getting up. When you checked the time, it was around two in the afternoon. You got up and went to the kitchen, feeling extremely hungry after forgetting, and also just not wanting dinner the night prior. When you arrived in the kitchen, Tony was there. He had kind of taken up the father role in your life.

The moment he saw that you had finally arose, he was quick to make a snarky comment in good fun, “Ah! The beast has finally awoken from their slumber, now off they go to find their beauty.”

You only roll your eyes, ignoring him. You felt exhausted, even though you got close to ten hours of sleep seeing as you fell asleep around 4 in the morning. You couldn't find anything easy to fix or that looked appetizing in the fridge or pantry so you just opted for a bottle of water that you would only take a sip or two of then leave with your other five almost full water bottles on your nightstand.

Before you could go back to the confines of your room, Tony had to ask you a question, “ Hey kiddo, did you take your meds?”

The question caught you off guard, not expecting him to ask seeing as he hasn't asked in a real long time.

“Oh yea! I, um, took them earlier but fell back asleep. Yea, that's what I did!”

You try to make it seem like you weren't lying through your teeth, but weren't very successful because of how exhausted you were. However, before Tony could confront you, you book it to your room. You hide there for the rest of the day, not coming out for Dinner. Steve had come by to tell you that dinner was ready but you told him that you weren't very hungry as you just kept your

on the book that you had your nose in. You kept your light on all night, not feeling tired.

The next morning, Nat knocked on your door around eight, coming to get you so that you could train with her. When she opened your door, she saw you laying on your back staring up at the ceiling. You looked exhausted and had dark circles under your eyes. When Bat opened the door, you flung up in surprise. You hadn't heard her knocking so you weren't expecting for the door to randomly open. You couldn't tell who it was at first because your vision went fuzzy black as your body tried to accommodate the sudden movement that you caused. Nat waited for you to acknowledge her.

When you did after a couple seconds, you looked over at the time, confused. It had just been two the last time you looked at the clock. How could it be eight all of the sudden? You were brought out of your thoughts by Natasha trying to talk to you. You zoned back in, giving her a questioning look.

“I said, are you ok? You look exhausted Hun. I came by to get ya to come train but it looks like you need to rest for a couple days.”

“Oh! No, I'm fine. Just give me a couple minutes to get ready and I'll be down and we can get to work in no time!”

She gave you a skeptical look but nodded, closing your door behind her.

When you got down to the training room, Bucky and Steve were there with Natasha. They smiled upon seeing you walk in. However, Bucky and Steve's bright smiles dropped upon looking at your figure. You were slouched, tired eyes not fully open and your eye bags were extremely dark.

Bucky was the first to point it out, “Hey Kid, you ok? You aren't looking too good.”

You only shrugged, your body aching and your throat feeling scratchy and sore for some reason.

As you're sparring with Natasha, you continuously have to stop the match because you go into coughing fits. As finish with your last coughing fit you go back to Natasha, but she's packing her stuff up.

“Wait, where are you going?” You're voice comes rather harsh and rude as you ask the red head.

“I think you should rest for the rest of the day Hun. I'll come check on you in a little while. But go take your meds and also some cough syrup and eat something.”

You didn't say anything as you grabbed your stuff and walked back to your room. This was stupid. It was just a little cold. You can still fight. You need to train. Deep down though you knew you needed to listen to her and do as she said. In the end, you don't. You go back to your room, take a sip or two of water, get a small snack and then sit down in the living room with a book.

You try to read it, but you can't stay focused for long enough to. Your mind is spiraling and racing. You kept replaying how training went. You were so pathetic. And rude. How could you be so rude? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You slam the book down onto the sofa, huffing.

You hadn't noticed that some of the others had joined you in the living room. They look up at you, surprised. They weren't used to seeing you like this. You tried to get up quickly, wanting to get away from this embarrassing situation.

The moment you get up, the world goes black, buzzing and ringing is the only thing you can hear as you collapse. You feel something picking you up and setting you down on the couch. You blink your eyes a couple times, slowly feeling sensation being restored in your body. You look around you and see that Bruce is coming over with a damp cloth and water. Nat has your head resting in her lap and Tony has your hand in his. They all look worried as they stare down at you. You hear gasped as Steve and Bucky walk in.

Questions are being thrown at you, too fast for you to comprehend. You instinctively put your hands on your ears, feeling overwhelmed. They all quiet down upon seeing this. Tony is the one to ask the questions from then on.

“Hey, it's ok. We're sorry, didn't mean to overwhelm ya like that. Can ya sit up?”

You nodded, feeling embarrassed now. Tony nodded and Nat helped you sit up, allowing you to lean against her.

“Ok, drink some water, you're ok,” Tony hands you the water that Bruce had brought over as Bruce is wiping your face with the cold damp cloth.

“Ya feeling better?”

“Ya, I'm fine.”

“Have you been taking your meds, kid?”Tony doesn't hold back, knowing what it looks like when you don't take the meds that have been helping you produce what your body needs.

You sheepishly look down at your hands that are fidgeting in your lap. You inhale sharply before shaking your head no.

They all sigh, Natasha being the one to talk this time, “Why haven't you been taking your meds, Hun?”

“I-I just don't want to… I don't like the feeling.”

They looked at each other, wondering what to say. As they look at each other, you go to stand up, but they make sure that you don't get up.

“Sit down now and rest,” Bucky's voice comes from behind you, his hands still on your shoulders.

“I'm sorry…” Your voice comes out in a whisper.

“You're forgiven kiddo, but ya gotta start taking your meds again.” Steve comes over and sits on the other side of you as he speaks.

“I know.”

“How bout I take my medication with ya? God knows that I haven't been taking it as much as I should be,” Tony chuckles as he tries to negotiate with you.

You didn't know if it would actually help you but you were open to the idea.

“Good, drink some more water. Now what do you want to watch? Hm? TV's all yours,” Tony stood up, giving you the TV remote as everyone decided to sit down on the couch.

You picked your comfort movie as you snuggled up with Steve and Nat. Tony had gotten you some actual food, and by the time the movie was over, you had drank all the water, ate all the food, fell asleep, and almost everyone else had fallen asleep as well. You felt safe with the people that cared about you all around you. You knew that this would be a journey, but you also knew that you weren't alone.

-~-~-~-~-~-~

Tag list: @fakegingerrights @macchiato-dreaming22 @silnebula

[cboffshore]

daily anon asks because anon likes hearing you ramble about your fics and i encourage them like the little analysis rambling - gremlin that i am.

regarding your new fic, which was beautifully written by the way! to what extent would you say the skybound events still affect jay & nya even after crystallised? are they small little triggers, nightmares after all the years passed? what’s your insight with that?

Hey there! Looks like I might have to start calling you the Enabler or something if this keeps up ;)

Anyway: yes, I'll take you up on the ramble chance offer, and I'm doing it in a single shot so I don't forget. And it's going to get long, so. You know.

Under the cut we go!

Post-Crystalized, I do think the events of Skybound still affect Jay and Nya, but realistically not much more than any other character-specific events affect any of their teammates. It's not a timeline that gets explored a lot, either - most Skybound angst that I see either happens during the season, immediately after, or within the context of very specific events, like the pirate genie joke from season eight. Granted, that's about as much as the show is willing to acknowledge it, so it's sort of tricky to figure out how strongly it would affect them.

Ultimately, I settled on a little bit of projection - I have some specific emotional trauma from a few years ago that I like to think I've gotten over, but sometimes I find myself thinking about it after the smallest little thing. For instance, I discovered a while ago that when I put my retainer in for the night and then smile at myself in the mirror, the retainer moves my lips and exposes my teeth just enough that my smile looks pretty close to the perpetrator's.

Weird, right?

It's been years since I've seen or spoken to that particular person. I can barely remember their face, so I have no idea what really set THAT memory off. And yet: there I was in my bathroom thinking of them. I didn't have any kind of major reaction beyond some discomfort and feeling kind of weird about myself in the moment, but, you know.. still happened. Anyway, that's the angle I go for when writing post-Skybound Jaya, because it's the one that makes the most sense to me and that I find easiest to write. The common trope of huge, overblown speeches about self worth and guilt and everything being okay that crop up in so many Skybound fix it fics has never sat right with me, because that's not how I approached my own recovery. I think I'm pretty healed and that I've processed it pretty well, but every so often, something minor just takes me back.

When I was first outlining this fic, I set it right after the Dark Island Trilogy, because that's something that I've NEVER seen addressed. If you haven't read it yet, I won't spoil anything for you, but the important bits are that it is canon and that it actually involves the Sky Pirates (minus Nadakhan). While they don't remember any of the timeline, Jay and Nya sure do, and they mention it a few times in the trilogy in that classic secretive way people have headcanoned for years now. Had I gone this route, it would have made the wound a bit more raw, which would've been nice. However, Jay having that flashback THEN would have been too obvious. (Also: they didn't have the Monastery. I wanted them to be seriously stable for this.) I then tried pushing it back to right after MOTO to be a companion piece for Small Cuts, but ultimately, I decided that loading Jay and Nya up with all the events of the Wildbrain era would give me the most ammunition to choose from. So: Post-Crystalized. They're still getting used to each other. Chapter two of A Little Annihilation will basically just be them on their own, bonding more as they embark on the world's most sentimental Home Depot run.

We don't have any decent information on how Jay and Nya process Skybound now. We ALMOST did, believe it or not, but the creators chickened out of putting Nadakhan on the Council of the Crystal King. Beyond the teapot gag, we haven't had any solid acknowledgement since SOG.

However! We did get a scrap of it in Dragons Rising season one, but only from Nya's angle, and it's VERY minor. I drew from e14 of DRs1 for both IICT and Annihilation, because that episode gives us two tiny, telling moments: the tinge of bitterness in Nya's voice when she tells Sora about the djinn and their showmanship, and the way she steps in front of Sora when all she sees of Arrakore is his silhouette and can't rule out that he's not dangerous. I've seen a lot of criticism towards this episode for not giving her a more dramatic or emotional reaction, which I find WILDLY unfair, because let's be real: at this point, Skybound is no longer the worst or craziest thing she's seen.

Whether or not those tiny reactions were intentional on the writer's part (and the writers' room for DR id so thorough that I believe it was intentional), they're IMPORTANT. It's been years! The Merge has happened, she's been the ocean, Jay's gone MIA, she's helping mentor the next generation and stop reality from caving in on itself. Dying in a wedding gown Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge style (and all its associated trauma) isn't necessarily top of mind, but having to use a djinn spell and tell Sora who they were would probably remind her of all that. To say NOTHING of the absolute curveball of meeting Arrakore! I stand at my mirror, put my retainer in, and see my bully's face; Nya steps into a cave and sees a four-armed, ponytailed silhouette rising and threatening her. Of COURSE that's startling, but enough has changed that she wouldn't collapse into a sniveling mess in front of Sora. For Jay, we know nothing, so I'm making him up as I go and taking a similar approach.

I got a little carried away there, but the point is: yes, it probably still affects them; no, it's not as drastic as people probably expect, and I can't bring myself to write it that way, because Nya's reaction matches my own so closely that I can't imagine writing anything else. Obviously I'm not working from the knowledge Nya has in Dragons Rising, but I'm letting her reaction there retroactively color her post-Crystalized experience (as well as Jay's, because I think they're similar like that).

Anyway, thanks for the ask! I'm hoping that that "daily" there isn't just hyperbole - you know I'm always down for this.

[winterfireice]

Kotlc Secret Santa 2022

I got @the-one-and-only-aroace so this is for you

Hope you enjoy! 💙💜💙💜💙💜💙

Link to my ao3 for ease

@song-tam thank you so much for hosting this was a lot of fun

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh, why is it that the entire day I've been thinking about my book with almost nothing else in mind but the minute I get home and actually have time to write my brain goes blank!” I push back in my chair exasperatedly throwing my head back so it's facing the ceiling. “I don't know inspiration strikes at random times I guess.” My little sister Amy says while writing in one of her music journals. My older sister Jolie is laying on my bed doing homework with earbuds in she probably doesn't even know we're talking, these two are some of the only people in my life that know that I write.

I've been writing a book for almost a year now and it's still nowhere near the end, it has all the things I love about fantasy, elves, goblins, ogres I've been thinking about adding gnomes too but haven't figured out how to incorporate them yet. It's taken an annoyingly long time mostly because of classes and the fact that I've been suffering from some major writer's block for the last couple of months.

Jolie rolls over taking her earbuds off and asks what we're talking about, “Sophie is struggling to actually participate in her favorite hobby.” Amy says not looking up, while I have been having trouble with writing my sister has been in a rush of inspiration. Amy has loved writing music since she got her first special notebook when she was seven and it had purple glitter on it. Over the last eight years, she has gotten much better and I couldn't be more proud. She even has created songs for my characters, one of the best birthday presents I've gotten, along with the drawings of them from Jolie.

Sitting here is doing absolutely nothing so I suggest we all go to the ice cream place down the street “I could use a break from my English paper.” Jolie replies closing her book. “I'm really getting into the groove here I don't want to mess it up, but I’ll come next time.” Amy says taking her eyes off her pencil for the first time in hours. “Ok,” I tell her “do you want us to bring you anything?” “Vanilla with Carmel and mini marshmallows please” Amy gives me her iconic aren't I the best little sister even though she's not doing anything. ”You got it.” I say as Jolie grabs her car keys and purse from across the hall.

The ice cream place has only been here for about a year but it’s become a regular spot for us, it's great for study breaks or a meet-up place, plus has some of the best ice cream I've ever tasted.

We order and sit down at a table by the window, my biggest problem right now is that my story doesn't really have a plot or a main goal, I have a feeling for what I want it to be. As stupid as that sounds but it’s the only way I can explain it. And I know I shouldn't be rushing the creative process but I want to write so badly I just can't. I find it extremely infuriating. “Hey sis what's up, your face is super scrunched up and you look like you want to remove all of your eyelashes.” Jolie says reaching over to remove my hand from my eyes. “Talk to me” she straitens her back like she's about to go into an interview.

“I don't know I guess it's nothing, I'm just getting tired of being blocked all the time,” I tell her looking out the window. “Hey don't say it's nothing this is something important to you and it's bothering you. You have been working on this book for a really long time, I should know I hear you grumbling to yourself at all hours of the day about it” She says the last part with a look of possible annoyance. “I just feel like I don't know my brain is working against me.” I explain “like it's betraying you?” Jolie adds “Exactly! That's the best way to explain it-” I trail off thinking and then jump up excitedly “Thank you, thank you that's actually perfect, major help” I start hurrying to the door and I hear Jolie say something to the waiter about getting to go containers.

We drove to the ice cream place but our house is close enough that with running I get home within ten minutes and run to my room barely saying anything to my parents. “Wow that didn't take long at all, do you have my food?” Amy looks up a bit surprised because of my quick reappearance. “I love you but I need you to be quiet for a little while if you're in my room, also I think Jolie will be back soon with your ice cream.” I'm putting in my password and opening my writing software “I guess inspiration struck” Amy says while grabbing her stuff and closing my door while she leaves with a smile on her face.

When Jolie talked about betrayal I thought about how interesting it would be if my main character ends up betraying everyone to save the world ending up sacrificing herself and no one ever knows.

I end up passing out around six am with a mostly finished book and end up writing the ending after I get some actual sleep and start editing it.

My sisters come in around ten am both sitting on the bed not even saying anything just falling into a familiar routine, Jolie starts to sketch and Amy is humming a new song, and every once and a while she writes down a new line in her notebook.

“Thanks, you guys.” I say to them. “For what?” they both ask at the same time “For you two helping with my book, which I've almost finished now but also for just being great sisters.” Jolie and Amy look at each other before tackling me in a hug “Your also an amazing sister” Amy says “Now can we please read your book?” Jolie asks when I nod they both push my rolly chair out of the way so they can see my computer better, I laugh to myself while I wait for them to tell me their thoughts.

[theghostpinesmusic]

Well, somehow I've been writing about Goose jams since Euro tour '23 and I haven't done a write-up on "Borne" yet. Guess it's time to fix that.

"Borne" has become a huge jam vehicle for the band since Cotter joined, and for a minute I thought maybe that's why I hadn't gotten to any versions yet, that maybe it just wasn't a song that was getting jammed out that often before this past spring. Then I smacked myself in the head and howled in rage at my own stupidity (not really) when I realized that there are tons of classic takes on "Borne" from the Ben Era (TM). To name a few of my favorites:

2/5/22: Second-ever version. I was there for this one, and it featured an absolutely beautiful guitar-loop-based jam out of the song that has since, unfortunately, gone the way of the dodo. That was followed up by a great take on the "2001"-ish funk jam that the song proper still segues into sometimes to this day.

8/17/22: I was there for this nearly thirty-minute take, too. It was multifaceted and weird. I should probably write a thing about it someday, especially since I just revisited the video of this show recently for fun.

3/9/23, 3/25/23, and 4/13/23: These are the only three "double time" versions of the song to date, and every single one led into a fantastic long jam. Bring it back, guys!

4/25/23: I was also there for this version, which is maybe my favorite Goose jam I've seen in person from maybe my favorite Goose show I've seen in person. Insanely patient, textural jam with an incredible light display to boot. Love it, and should also write a thing about it sometime.

There's also a hell of a version from the early Cotter Era (TM) "Chateau Sessions" that I absolutely love. I wrote about the "Chateau Jam" from these sessions awhile back, but honestly I think the "Borne" is even better and can't really recall now why I chose the other as my subject. Ah well.

So, yeah. In "short," "Borne" has a long history as a jam vehicle that has only grown in 2024. This thirty-minute version comes from the 2024 summer tour opener (and Cotter's first "real" tour with the band). Now, I've been doing my usual summer stuff, which means I've spent a lot of the last two months sleeping on the ground, wandering the forest, and (weirdly) riding on a huge boat, so I've only made it through about eight of the summer tour's twenty shows so far, but I'm happy to report that Goose continues to Destroy Space And Time in 2024. Perhaps even more so now with the addition of Cotter. It's funny to think now that we were all worried about that for awhile there.

I'll work my way through the tour as I watched it over time here, but for now, as I said, this "Borne" comes from the tour opener, which was, well, a real statement. I try to shy away from ranking shows against each other, to keep that thief, Comparison, away from my Joy, but holy hell if this 6/4 show was better than any tour opener with a new drummer has any right to be.

The "Borne" (which I'll get to shortly) is definitely the highlight here, but I've felt like the flow of the band's sets have really improved lately, maybe not because of Cotter, but from 2023 to 2024 for sure. That shows up immediately here as the first set opens with a monster, unfinished take on "All I Need" that segues into an unfinished "Time To Flee," then back into the ending of "All I Need," and then back into the ending of "Time To Flee." That's some Phish-style shit right there, friends. There's a little breather with "Mr. Action" and THEN THE "BORNE" COMES.

But not to be (completely) outdone, the second set opens with a wild "Yeti" > "Slow Ready" -> "Mas Que Nada" sequence where all three songs leave their boundaries and explore some kind of Type 2 space. It closes with one of my favorite recent takes on "Empress Of Organos," which ventures into an 8-bit NES-sounding jam for a few minutes before resolving. And I'll take a cover of David Gray's "Please Forgive Me" for an encore any day (except 12/31/22, which'll do you one better).

But yes. The "Borne." Sitting in the middle of this statement of a show like a tentpole. Shall we?

Well, the one thing I forgot to mention in my obnoxiously long run-down of "Borne" above is that it's just a great ballad/rock song even without the jam(s) at the end. So you can spend the first few minutes of this video just enjoying some quality songwriting. Oh, and also Jeff on a second guitar, which allows for a slightly different arrangement than during the Ben Era (TM) because we don't need three guitars and thus end up with Peter on piano/keys. I've always loved this song since Dripfield, but adding the piano in there gives it a bit more emotional umph, in my opinion. Especially during the breakdown at the end of the song and the initial outro jam, which starts at 4:40.

This bit actually takes awhile to build momentum...it almost feels like the new arrangement isn't something the band is quite used to yet? Regardless, by 7:30 or so, Rick has found his groove, shredding on the song's outro melody to bring the Type 1 jamming to a proper conclusion. After a brief pause, Cotter brings the drums back in at 8:27, Jeff switches back over to percussion, and with a wash of synth, we're in that "2001"-ish space I mentioned earlier.

I love the feel of this jam. While it's not exactly revolutionary melodically, Trevor's bass tone, Rick's subtle guitar loop, and Peter's Vibe blend together in a wonderful way. Not to mention the jazzy feel added by Cotter and Jeff.

Eventually Peter takes the lead, and lays down a great Vibe solo.

At 13:43, Rick takes over with a switch to a grungier tone, though the rest of the band stays firmly in Deodato-ish territory.

I had some doubts about the frankly sort of weirdly-shaped light rig at the beginning of the Cap run back in April, but it's moments like 15:15 that put those concerns to rest pretty quickly.

Rick continues to solo for a bit, and while he does I feel compelled to point out (maybe for the first time, but certainly not for the last time) how much of a difference it makes to have Trevor turned up in the mix. He adds so much to the band's sound in general, but especially during these "solo" moments that aren't really a solo in a strict sense...partially because everyone else in the band is always painting around the edges rather than just holding down the musical foundation. Trevor does this as well if not better than anyone else in the band, and often you just...can't hear him at all?

So, yeah, keep Trevor turned up.

Up to the 19:00 mark, this has been a solid jam, but it's also been pretty straightforward: outro jam based on the "Borne" chords, "2001"-ish Peter solo, then a "2001"-ish Rick solo. Again, quality playing, but so far this could be any version of "Borne," really.

The bottom drops out at 19:00, though, and things get more interesting. Initially, the combination of Trevor and Cotter take over, with Peter's synth effects dropping into and out of the space all willy-nilly. Peter moves to the clav at 20:10, to the obvious approval of the audience, then Cotter and Jeff's overlapping beats form a foundation for all kinds of weird noises that all three of the band's melody players get in on.

Patient and weird at the same time. That's that 2024 Goose stuff.

For as much as I absolutely love Rick's guitar playing (obviously), so many of my favorite Goose jam spaces involve him just leaning over his looper and not strictly "playing" the guitar at all. This one's no exception.

I've complained a few times before about how during these long jams sometimes Pete has a tendency to lock onto one figure or idea on the keys and play it until well after I'm sick of hearing it. He's gotten better about not doing that this year, and a great example is here: at 23:00, just as I was about to type something about his playing being too repetitive, he switches things up, which in turn brings Rick back to playing his guitar directly, with a "classic" 2021-2022 octave-shifted Rick tone.

The band slowly but surely fleshes out the jam's sound for the next few minutes, thanks in no small part to Cotter's versatility on the drum kit. By 26:30, we've almost left the previous space behind entirely, except for Trevor's bass tone. It's a really neat transition into some really propellant major-key funk, and Rick takes over again here, though it's worth noting that everyone else is helping with the build.

Rainbow lights ftw!

I think it's safe to say that whatever trepidation the band might have been feeling at the beginning of this jam is gone by the: there's a great, guitar-led peak and a quick return after to the funky/bluesy theme and then...that's all for the 6/4 "Borne"!

Lots more Goose stuff from the first half of the tour coming soon, provided I have the time to sit down and write more...

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Summary: Winry sat in the optimal place to study in the school cafe for the entire fall semester. Then spring came, and suddenly some self-entitled twit who dressed like off-brand Gerard Way decided it was his territory. He was so not going to get off easy.

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.8k words of coffee shop/college AU with a side of enemies to almost-lovers

A/N: It's finals week, I posted this on Ao3 at almost 5am, and if the rest of the sentence didn't make it obvious, I'm writing from unfortunate experience. Not beta-ed or proofread, although I happened to see one thing to fix when I woke up this morning. Feel my raw power. Rawr.

It wasn't that big a deal.

It kind of really was, though.

Every Thursday morning during the fall semester, Winry sat in the same spot at the same school coffee shop. It was the spot sent by the entire patron pantheon of cram papers. Maybe one person didn't need an entire booth, but it was in the corner, and the tops of the bench seats had opaque plastic barriers that just so happened to be perfect for minimizing excess visual chaos. For the most part, there weren't loud conversations, and the jazz music that came through the speakers helped her tune out people ordering coffee. Add to that the fact that she could use campus flex dollars and not her own bank account that was begging for mercy, and it was the perfect spot to get papers done.

But apparently not this spring.

As soon as Winry walked in, she noticed him in the corner. Some emo wannabe guy on his computer. Probably on Reddit complaining about how women didn't appreciate the amazing pics he sent them on Tinder. Or at least, it was a fair guess based on the sour look on his face. Why did this guy of all people have to steal the holy grail spot? Ugh. She was still gonna get her coffee, darn it.

"You know the deal, Sciezska. Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer."

"On it! You paying in flex?"

"Yeah." She scanned her student ID and lowered her voice. "Who's off-brand Gerard Way in the corner?"

"Who's Ger—"

"The punk kid."

"Ohhh. I can try to get his number for you, if you want."

"No, he looks like a total tool! And not the kind I like dealing with!"

"Which means you think he's hot. I didn't think you were into that type, but you're not wrong."

"For the last time, no, Sciezska! He took my spot! And I'm trying very, very hard to keep this to a stage whisper, but if you keep trying to set me up with some random creep, I won't be able to!"

A distinctly male voice grumbled, "I'm not a creep."

"Keep telling that to the girls on Tinder. I'm sure they'll understand eventually."

"Yeah, and I'll bet if you look at your 'Live, Laugh, Love' sign a little more, you'll understand it eventually." He mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, Mr. Nice Guy?"

"Lay off, it's eight in the morning. I said the only reason I even have a Tinder account is because my roommate stole my phone while I was going to the bathroom."

"Well, if you didn't want it, why didn't you delete it?"

"Eh, I figured if I really got sick of being single one day, it'd already be there."

"Never would have guessed you were single," Winry said dryly.

"Come on, it's way too early to be rubbing that kind of crap in. Who says I'm not fine with being single anyway?"

Sciezska timidly spoke up. "Medium roast with espresso and vanilla creamer?"

Winry thanked her as red jacket boy continued. "'Edward Elric, Bachelor.' Almost sounds as good as 'Edward Elric, Bachelor of Science.'"

"B.S. degree. Sounds about right."

"About time you stopped acting like I'm an idiot!"

Winry snorted. "That's not what I meant."

"Hey!"

"And with that, I'm going to go find some other spot to write my paper."

Edward, as his name apparently was, scoffed and mumbled something that sounded like "good riddance". Maybe the librarians wouldn't get on her case too much for bringing in coffee.

-----

A week later, Winry walked into the cafe, assuming the circumstances of the previous week were an anomaly. They were not.

"Medium roast with a shot of espresso and vanilla creamer," she grumbled and sulked in the direction of the corner seat.

"Hey, don't start with me again, blondie. I've had a whopping four hours of sleep and I can't promise you'll like what comes out of my mouth."

"We're at a coffee shop. Get some coffee. I can't help it if you're too hung over to be polite."

"Now look, genius. I did not stay up until 4 A.M. working on a stupid chem paper for that sadistic pyromaniac excuse for a professor just for some random chick to accuse me of being hung over."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And for your information, coffee doesn't really help me wake up. It just helps me focus on homework." He lifted up his empty cup and gave it a shake.

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."

"ADHD is a weird thing, and yet, here I am."

"Huh, interesting."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pick up where I left off with the same stupid ten page paper I started last night."

"Oh right. Sure," Winry stammered. "Listen, I'm really sorry I just assumed things about you. It was wrong of me, and I'd like to make it up to you, if that's okay."

Edward eyed her suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well...I could look over your paper once you're done writing it? I've got a paper of my own to write while I'm waiting, and I can sit right across the table here so you don't have to come get me. I won't try to talk to you or anything. Neither of us need that kind of distraction."

"Alright, alright. Get your coffee and sit down. The girl at the counter's been up there waiting for a good minute or two while you've been at confessional over here."

"Wait, she has?" Winry's eyes widened, and Edward laughed at her expense. He was kind of attractive when he wasn't scowling...wait what? She pouted and got up to retrieve her coffee. When Winry returned, she plopped down on the bench opposite Edward and opened her laptop. Peeking out from behind it, she added, "By the way, I'm Winry. I figured you ought to at least know the name of the person who's proofreading your paper."

"Well, Winry, you're the one who volunteered." The corners of his mouth twitched upward. The two worked on their assignments in silence, occasionally speaking up when necessary.

-----

Edward was in the corner again the next week as well.

"Hey, Edward! Mind if I join you for homework again?"

"Normally, I'd say no, but you didn't bother me too much last week, so you might as well." He turned away slightly.

"Great! Have you gotten your coffee yet? I didn't see a cup, and you got something the last two times."

"Eh, I haven't been here long. If you're going up and getting yours, would you mind ordering a caramel macchiato for me?" He asked, sliding his ID across the table.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll be back in a sec."

She returned and slipped his ID back before pulling out her computer. "Do you have anything for me to look over this time?"

"Not this week. But if you have anything you need looked over, I can do that, too."

"Actually, I do, if you wouldn't mind."

"Winry, I just volunteered. Just send the paper to my school email. Mine's 'elricedwa'," he instructed as he proceeded to spell it.

"Medium roast and a caramel macchiato?" Sciezska called out.

"Coming!" Winry replied and turned to Edward. "I just sent it, so you should be able to start while I'm getting our stuff." Eyes glued to his laptop, Edward gave a thumbs up.

Once she returned with their drinks, Winry sat down and wordlessly set Edward's drink next to him.

"Thanks," he muttered distantly. His lips mirrored the words he was reading. Though his lips weren't plump by any stretch of the imagination, they were shapely. His steely concentration made the air leave Winry's lungs. To top it all off, the first rays of sunlight came through the window just right, hitting Edward's hair in a way that made it positively glow.

What was she thinking? Those were only the sorts of things people thought when they had a crush. She'd only had two positive interactions with him, including this one. ...well, maybe it was a crush. She could certainly do worse than someone with a questionable fashion sense. After all, he worked hard, and he got good grades, if the quality of his writing was any indication. Okay, fine. He was also drop dead gorgeous, if you could see past his clothing choices. Yeah, she had a crush.

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"...no."

"Figures. I finished reading your paper. It's not bad, I just left a few suggestions for sentence structure. Now I am going to enjoy my caramel macchiato." He took off the lid and breathed in the steam with his eyes closed, nearly drooping into the cup in content. When he opened his eyes slowly, Winry was awestruck by the similarity between the color of his eyes and his drink.

"What?" Edward furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. At all. Nope."

"Okay." He shrugged. She reopened the document and went through his suggested edits. Gnawing her lip in concentration, she leaned forward a bit to settle in and tackle the editing.

"...hey, uh, Winry?" Edward gulped. "Are you going to drink your coffee?"

"Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks, Edward!" she smiled.

"No–no problem. And you can call me Ed, you know. Most people do. Except for that excuse for a professor that calls me pipsqueak. Can you believe he's my advisor? I mean, come on, I'm a grown man. I'm not that short."

Winry made a poor attempt at containing her laughter. "Okay then, Ed. Prove it. Stand up."

"Fine." He slid out of the booth and stood. Winry followed suit and appraised their respective heights.

"Well, I'd hardly call you tall, but you're at least taller than me by a few inches, for whatever that's worth."

Edward grinned as if he had won some sort of prize. "Time for shorties to sit down now!"

"Watch it now. You're not too far from that label yourself, mister."

They both returned to their positions in the booth and worked steadily for the next hour. At the end of that time, Winry closed her laptop. "Ed, are you okay? You seem distracted."

"ADHD. I'm always distracted," he dismissed.

"No, like, are you sick or something? You did get more than four hours of sleep this time, right?"

"No comment." Ed's mouth twitched. He mumbled barely loud enough to hear, "Wouldn't have mattered anyway."

"Are you sure? If you're not feeling well, I can drive you over to the health center."

"N-no. That's not it." He exhaled, then slid a napkin across the table. His hands trembled slightly. "Anyway, here's my number. In case you need me to look over a paper. Or whatever. I've got a class soon."

Winry blushed, but tucked the napkin in her laptop. "Thanks, Ed. See you next week?"

"Yeah. Next week."

-----

Winry: This goes with your major, right?

Edward: Blocked

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars CL (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: Besties I am losing my sanity, my fics are my only source of joy -Danny

Words: 3,425

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: ‘Make You Happy’ -by Matt Haughey

Chapter Twelve: Hogsmeade Encounters.

Mel had to talk to someone, anyone, about what she'd just agreed to. 

She walked up to her bedroom and sat at the edge of Hermione's bed.

"A talk," She said.

Hermione looked up from her book and frowned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Mel, if you're in trouble I think —"

"I am," She said, "heart stuff..."

"Oh?" Hermione shifted on her bed so she could sit closer. "Okay? It'd been a long time since I saw you this worried — Is it about Harry?"

"No," Mel shook her head. "Maybe. It's a long story..."

"Well, it's barely eight o'clock," Hermione grinned. "We have time."

Mel unburdened her heart to her friend, she told her everything, her first kiss with Harry and the real reason for their fight, even that her whole thing with Fred had been just a silly game both teenagers played to pass the time. She talked about their most recent kiss, and that she was confused because she couldn't tell if she'd liked it or not. She still fancied him enough to perceived him in the love potion, but she wasn't in love, or at least that's what she believed.

Mel mentioned Erick, how close they'd become and how their friendship had changed, she'd never thought it would turn into... whatever that was. She remembered the time when they'd laughed at Harry thinking Flint was trying to pursue her. Erick had replied: "You'd know if I were flirting."

She knew, dear Merlin, she knew.

Hermione sat there in attentive silence, she had adopted the same posture and expression she would use during class, almost as if Mel's love life were as important as any lecture she'd ever heard.  It was a wonder how she'd managed to keep the mandrake leaf in her mouth after all the rambling.

"Well," Hermione began, her voice hesitant. "Are you in love with any of them?"

"I've a crush on both — Which could turn into more or it could vanish. I'd prefer never finding out, to be honest."

"Then why did you say yes?" Her friend questioned, almost pitiful. "When Erick asked you out?"

"Dunno..."

"Erick would be an excellent boyfriend," Hermione replied logically. "Which I'm sure is the reason why you said yes, he would look after you if you let him."

Erick Flint was the closest thing to Prince Charming she could get in real life, but she didn't want to ruin him. Not that Fred had ended miserable and broken after dating her, but it was different. This was no game.

"You know," She said quietly, "falling in love's a thousand times scarier now that I'm older."

"I understand," Hermione held her hand. "I'd be scared too, your past experiences haven't been exactly happy and dreamy... but don't you trust Erick? If your mother and Sirius hadn't gotten together Leon would've never been born."

"How's that got to do with me?"

"Everything!" Hermione replied. "Erick's good, isn't he? He would never hurt you. Who knows, maybe Erick is your Sirius..?"

"No," She replied, her mother's words coming back to her clear as day. "Not Sirius... like my dad..."

Mel felt something tingling in her stomach. She thought about it for a moment, how would it be to build a family with Erick just like her parents had done, a life that they had so desperately wished for, and she was shocked when she felt herself wanting all, she wanted him.

"It's just one date," Hermione shrugged, trying to ease her. "You can tell him the same thing you told Fred, you're allowed to end it whenever, and him too. That should take some pressure off your shoulders?"

Mel could write a whole book about all her worries, but yes, maybe that'd make her feel lighter. Still, if she really was considering this whole thing, she needed to fully commit to it. An abrupt concern arose when she thought of Erick as her boyfriend. What was she going to tell Harry?

The truth, obviously, but was he going to be okay with it or would things go back to how they were a year ago? Harry would stay away forever if that was the case.

Lavender and Parvati entered the room and she had to lower her voice even more.

"What about Harry?"

"He's not yours to handle," Hermione pushed the comment aside. "Don't ask for permission, you never said you'd stay away from dating."

"What if I hurt him?" Mel held onto the blanket anxiously.

"If he truly cares about you, he'll understand," She picked up her book. "Last year he was miserable, I don't think he'll go for it a second time."

Hermione was taking all the information a bit too well, she had expected her to ramble about how awful it was that she'd kept all this information hidden.

"Aren' you upset?" She blurted out. "Not that I want that, but well, you told me about Krum..."

Hermione grinned.

"Harry and you changed over those two years... you were very loving and always together, and then you couldn't be alone in the same room! I knew that something had happened, you were never the type to resent him for silly mistakes, even if you did act like it in front of him."

That was true, Mel'd never been one to hold grudges, not in the intense way her family could do, it made her feel better.

"I can't be mad at you for keeping this to yourself, if you'd had good news you would've come to me, but you didn't...

Mel lowered her gaze. "I don't want to make things worse..."

She had to come clean, she wouldn't be the reason why Harry was depriving himself of a good relationship with someone. Rebuilding the wall between their emotions and duty was a job for two.

"I'll talk to him," She said, more to herself than to her friend.

"Good," Hermione leaned back on her pillows and resumed her reading. "I'll be here if you need me."

She waited until they were all ready to go to the Great Hall, then she asked Harry to stay.

"D'you remember the amortentia stuff?"

Harry froze, she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Yeah?"

"I'll talk about that. If you want."

Harry sat on the closest chair, Mel sat in front of him.

"I've a date," She informed him.

"Erick finally made up his mind?"

Mel let out a short and strange noise instead of what she wanted to say, Harry chuckled.

"It's okay," He sighed, rubbing his neck. "I talked to him before..."

"I wasn't planning —"

"I know," He grabbed her hand and drew a soft pattern over her scars. "You're allowed to change your mind, though."

"Harry..."

"I told him I was okay with it, and now I'm telling you," He scratched the back of his head. "I wasn't hoping that you'd want to... you know... date me. I was a real git to you last year."

"Better this way," She cupped his cheek gently. "Safer."

'Maybe this way I won't resent the world if I lose you.'

"I know," He smiled a bit. "We'll always be friends."

'Always.'

Harry gently removed her hand from his face.

"I should warn Erick, many will try to kill him for taking Hogwart's most fanciable girl."

Mel grinned. "It's just a date."

"He'd be an idiot if he wastes your time," Harry stood up, "and Erick's the smartest bloke I've ever met."

Everyone seemed to have a better hold on their emotions compared to her. This was her fault if she was honest, she'd lost her grip on reality for a whole year, trying to hide from her obligations.

She was facing the consequences and it was up to her to put everything back in order, maybe this is what Dumbledore meant when he said he was giving her enough time to process. A whole year should be enough for her to accept there was only so many times she could postpone life.

'This is just a date,' She sentenced while putting on her cloak. 'Doesn't have to mean anything.'

Part of her was afraid of what Ron would say, he'd never been a fan of Erick, but at least they were friends now. He couldn't react worse than when she was with Fred, right?

Mel reached the portrait and walked through it, crashed against someone and mumbled an absent apology without looking up.

"Hey!" Erick called to her in a hurt tone.

She stopped.

"What're you doing here?"

"I thought you'd like it if I walked you to the Great Hall... Don't laugh."

"Why would I?" She frowned.

"Because you love to tease me — Saying I'm eighty years old, that I talk weird..."

"I won't."

Apparently, her sympathy seemed to upset him further.

"It was either this or wait for you at the table and... well, I don't like sitting at your table when you're not there."

"Okay," She said, not sure as to why he was acting like that.

"Should we..?" His hand moved as if pondering what to do, in the end, he tucked it back in his pocket and walked alongside her.

The silence brought back a very distinct memory of her first day in school, running into him and asking if he knew the way to the Great Hall, he'd offered to walk her there even though he wasn't supposed to be friendly.

"Remember when we met?"

Erick's eyes warmed up at the thought.

"You were so small," He looked down, Mel was barely able to reach his shoulder, which made him laugh. "Well, I guess that hasn't changed... I remember your hair being shorter, though, and your face rounder, you were a sweet-looking girl—"

"Your curls were combed back..."

"You like my hair now?" He ran a hand through his fluffy curls, which were slightly messier than they used to, shorter as well.

"Yes," She chuckled, blushing a little.

When they reached the table and sat next to her friends, Ron seemed in the middle of a very exciting story.

"...and then there was another flash of light and I landed on the bed again!"

Hermione glared at Harry.

"Was this spell, by any chance, another one from that potion book of yours?"

Erick looked at his friend in mild worry. "You've been practising on Ron now?"

Harry groaned. "Always jumping to the worst conclusions..."

Mel merely gave him a condescending look before grabbing a plate.

"Was it?" Hermione insisted.

"Well... yeah, it was, but so what?"

"So you just decided to try out an unknown, handwritten incantation and see what would happen?"

"Why does it matter if it's handwritten?"

"Because it's probably not Ministry of Magic–approved. And also, because I'm starting to think this Prince character was a bit dodgy."

"It was a laugh!" said Ron. "Just a laugh, Hermione, that's all!"

"Dangling people upside down by the ankle? Who puts their time and energy into making up spells like that?"

"Fred and George," said Ron, shrugging, "it's their kind of thing. And, er —"

"My dad," said Harry, looking at Mel and knowing she was thinking the same thing.

"What?" said the other three.

"My dad used this spell," said Harry. "I — Lupin told us."

"Maybe your dad did use it, Harry," said Hermione, "but he's not the only one. We've seen a whole bunch of people use it, in case you've forgotten. Dangling people in the air. Making them float along, asleep, helpless."

Mel lost her appetite then, she sighed heavily. Harry stared at her expectantly, she could've talked even though she was carrying the leaf, but she didn't want to argue with Hermione and quite honestly, she didn't approve of Harry using those spells either.

"That was different," Ron said. "They were abusing it. Harry and his dad were just having a laugh. You don't like the Prince, Hermione, because he's better than you at Potions —"

"It's got nothing to do with that! I just think it's very irresponsible to start performing spells when you don't even know what they're for, and stop talking about 'the Prince' as if it's his title, I bet it's just a stupid nickname like Erick's, and it doesn't seem as though he was a very nice person to me!"

"Thank you for that," The older boy scoffed, Mel patted his hand to comfort him.

"I don't see where you get that from," said Harry. "If he'd been a budding Death Eater he wouldn't have been boasting about being 'half-blood,' would he?"

"The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left! I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you four join up."

"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron in outrage. "My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"

"And they'd love to have me and Mel," Harry snorted. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do us in."

Hermione looked at Erick asking for support, but he was caught off guard.

"I suppose they would let me join... after a bit of torture and humiliation," He stated.

Ginny arrived, holding out something.

"Hey, Harry, I'm supposed to give you this."

"Thanks, Ginny... It's Dumbledore's next lesson! Monday evening!" He smiled up at the youngest Weasley. "Want to join us in Hogsmeade, Ginny?"

"I'm going with Dean — might see you there," She replied simply, waving goodbye as she left.

Harry's eyes followed her out of the Hall, and something inside Mel's brain clicked. She almost choked on the leaf she was holding in her mouth.

Once on the road, her eyes would go back to Harry constantly, who was completely unaware of her staring. It was so obvious now, Harry's constant attempts to talk to Ginny, his little pout whenever she declined his invitations... Perhaps Harry wasn't aware of his own feelings, but soon enough he would figure it out.

"So," Erick started, inching a bit closer. "I know you can't talk much — I can't wait for that to be over, I miss your —" He stopped and cleared his throat. "Do you want to stay with your friends all day?"

Mel shook her head.

"Okay," He swallowed as if he'd been holding five leaves in his mouth. "Yeah, we can go somewhere else just the two of us... no problem..."

Once in Hogsmeade, Mel and Erick started to walk away when Ron called.

"They're on a date, Ron," Hermione stated bluntly.

"WHAT?"

"Ron," Harry said, trying to avoid the awkward moment. "C'mon, it's cold out here, we'll see them later..."

"You're okay with this?" He demanded.

"It's not my business," Harry muttered, blushing a faint shade of scarlet.

Ron moved away from Harry's grip and Hermione's exasperated look, Mel was ready to receive his fury but instead, he stopped in front of Erick. The Slytherin held his gaze, they were the same height, Harry was around five inches smaller than both, so if they were to start a fight it'd be quite hard to control.

"What?" Erick scowled.

"You better act like the perfect prince Mel thinks you are," Ron warned. "Because if you take advantage of her —"

"What kind of pig do you think I am?"

"If you hurt her," Ron growled. "I'll break your neck."

Erick's eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched as well. Hermione was fidgeting next to Harry, and he was staring at the boys, ready to intervene.

"Thank you for the warning," Erick said at last. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Ron," Mel said. "Go."

The Weasley threw a sharp look her way.

"I'm just making sure he knows what he's doing."

"Ron," This time Hermione was the one calling. "Don't be dramatic, leave them..."

He obeyed, though not without glaring one last time at Erick. Harry looked at her and shrugged in shocked silence, he was taken entirely by surprise. Erick and he stared at each other briefly before Harry walked away. When Erick spoke, he didn't meet her eyes.

"He does that with every person that asks you out?"

"No, but the last bloke was Fred."

"Fred would've kicked his arse," Erick paused. "He doesn't trust me, then?"

"He's looking after me..."

"So he doesn't trust me," He frowned. "Brilliant."

"He does," The girl sighed. "Thinks is his duty to act like my older brother."

"He's rather serious about it, isn't he?" Erick raised a brow.

Mel walked up to him and held his hand, guiding him towards the pub.

Erick did most of the talking (which he'd never done before). His favourite food, favourite season... and with each new fact he loosened up, suddenly he was talking nonstop. Mel was staring at him and realized she'd never seen him this happy. Perhaps, she thought with a bit of giddiness, Erick wasn't happy in spite of her, but because of her.

She caught something moving outside and her eyes widened in horror, her hand went to the boy's wrist and squeezed. She pointed towards the window: Harry had a man against the pub's wall. She walked out of the place, quickly followed by Erick.

"What's happening?" The Slytherin asked in a demanding tone.

"He— Mental!" Mundungus Fletcher squeaked, trapped under Harry's firm grip.

"What did you do, go back the night Emily left and strip the place?" Harry questioned in anger.

"I — no —"

"Give it to me!" He tightened his grasp.

"Harry, you mustn't!" Hermione cried.

The boy was roughly pushed back and the short man jumped towards his case, then disapparated.

"BASTARD!" Harry screamed. "COME BACK, YOU THIEVING — !"

"There's no point, Harry," Tonks approached out of the blue, looking disappointed. "Mundungus will probably be in London by now. There's no point yelling."

"He's nicked Sirius's stuff! Nicked it!"

"Yes, but still," Tonks shrugged. "You should get out of the cold."

Erick seized Harry by the arm with Ron's help, they dragged him inside the building.

"He was nicking Sirius's stuff! Reg's stuff!"

"I know, Harry, but please don't shout, people are staring," Hermione begged. "Go and sit down, I'll get you a drink."

"Rat..." Mel said through gritted teeth.

"Sirius didn't want the stuff, he never did," Erick reminded them. "He wanted to get rid of everything."

"That was before Reg!" Harry snapped. "I'm sure he would've wanted his son to get the money out of the sell, not that prat!"

Erick opened his mouth to reply, but Ron elbowed his ribs roughly, shaking his head. Harry's friends knew better than to try and reason with him when he was mad. The only person that could bring back his common sense was Mel, and right now she was just as angry.

The Headboy guided them to the table they were sharing, when Hermione returned, both teenagers were still sulking.

"Can't the Order control Mundungus?" Harry whispered angrily. "Can't they at least stop him stealing everything that's not fixed down when he's at headquarters?"

"Shh!" Hermione urged him to shut up. "Harry, I'd be annoyed too, I know it's your things he's stealing —"

Harry choked on his drink, he'd just remembered he was the owner of Sirius' stuff as well.

"No wonder he wasn't pleased to see me! Well, I'm going to tell Dumbledore what's going on, he's the only one who scares Mundungus."

"Once I catch him," Mel growled. "My uncle won't be the only Dumbledore he'll be afraid of."

"Good idea," Hermione nodded, though she sent a worried look her way. "Ron, what are you staring at?"

"Nothing," Ron looked away from the bar.

"I expect 'nothing's' in the back getting more firewhisky," Hermione replied sharply.

Mel and Erick shared the same half-amused, half-disappointed expression. They were having fun before the group arrived, but they didn't dare to leave the table. It hadn't been the best first date, not with her unable to speak and the lack of alone time they'd gotten.

"Shall we call it a day and go back to school, then?" Hermione asked after a while.

The air was raw and brutal outside, they walked relatively close to one another. Mel was considering slipping her hand into Erick's when a familiar voice caught her attention.

"It's nothing to do with you, Leanne!"

The girl in front of them abruptly went up into the air ominously, arms and legs outstretched, and shrieked so loud Mel thought she was dying.

Next Chapter —>

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[snarkwrites]

13 | gangsta ; sweetpea

NOTES:

It's been a while. I've had these two chapters written for a while now but I haven't had time to sit down, edit them a little better and post them. Since I have time now, I thought I'd go ahead and do that, whether you guys asked for these next two chapters or not.

Sorry this took forever! Sorry I'm so slow, I've been settling into a new house and taking care of some IRL stuff / taking a little break. I swear, I'm going to update everything sooner or later. >.>

I love you guys.

WARNINGS:

NON/ LOOSE CANON COMPLIANCE - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. ANGST & SLOW BURN, HEAVY SEXUAL TENSIONSTARTING NOW, ACTUALLY - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. VIOLENCE / SWEARING & FIGHTING, POSSIBLE UNDERAGE DRINKING AND OTHER SHENANIGANS- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…EVENTUAL SEXUAL CONTENT / A VIRGIN ORIGINAL CHARACTER- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there. STALKER TW - this chapter marks the true appearance of Alyssa's ex, Dave Novak. It's hinted heavily that he's a gross asshole who likes to play mind games. ATTEMPTED KIDNAPPING TW - This chapter contains an attempted kidnapping. If this is gonna bother you you're best off not reading it.

If you're under 18+, probably not a good or wise idea to continue reading this series. Because there are going to be a few dark and adult themes within. I'll warn here, of course, but you need to understand that I don't control you. If you continue to read after having read the warnings and you're upset or don't like something... Totally on you, friend.

PAIRING:

Andrews!Sibling OFC x Sweet Pea.

TAGGING:

@brithedemonspawn is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you want to be added, the link to do so is below.

OTHER PARTS:

ONE - TWO - THREE - FOUR - FIVE - SIX - SEVEN - EIGHT - NINE - TEN- ELEVEN - TWELVE - soundtrack

OTHER STUFF:

[ about my writing - tag list doc ]

THIRTEEN.

[773 - 589 - 7956] Quiet sleepy little town you’ve got here. I can see the appeal, scarlet.

[773 - 589 - 7956] I saw you last night. If I didn’t know what a treacherous bitch you were, I’d say you look more beautiful than ever.

[773 - 589 - 7956] Have you shown that new boytoy of yours all the dirty little photos you were sending me? I bet he’d fucking love to see that… Or did you actually let him see the real thing?

[773 - 589 - 7956] You can say what you want to the cops, scarlet. You and I both know you enjoyed sending me those dirty little pictures. Do your parents know what a teasing whore their daughter really is? I know mommy wasn’t too thrilled when you went running to her to snitch just because things got a little too real for you…

[773 - 589 - 7956] I’ll see you soon. It’s like I said, scarlet. You owe me. I intend to collect. You think this is a game? You can just promise things and then betray me like that? That’s not how this works, scarlet.

The second my phone was powered on again after school, it immediately started to go insane. The texts came in a flood. They were so disgusting and scary that I dropped my phone because my hands were shaking so hard I couldn’t hold it. I quickly picked up the phone and took a few deep breaths, attempting to pull myself together.

,, I can’t keep this to myself. I have to tell someone what’s going on.” the thought nagged at me for the thousandth time in two weeks and I decided that as soon as I finished my tutoring session for the day, I was going to go to the construction site and show my father the texts. Tell him that somehow, Dave was out of prison and apparently, he was here in Riverdale.

My stomach was churning and a bitter taste filled my mouth at the thought. I felt like a dead girl walking. How could I have been so fucking stupid? I should’ve told my father the first time Dave texted me. I should’ve done something.

I felt anger at the situation too. I came here to get away from everything, to put it behind me. I just wanted to forget any of it happened. How dare he show up and ruin everything? He was supposed to be in jail right now, not walking free!

It wasn’t fair.

I knew I’d never be brave enough, but I found myself thinking that if I did see him again, I wanted to strangle him. To give him a reason to be afraid of me for once instead of the other way around. To get even for the hell he put me through in Chicago.

I stepped out into the parking lot, taking a few deep breaths to calm down. Leaning against the brick wall beside the doors that lead into the building. Waiting. Trying to pull myself together. Half hoping that my brother was still here, still in wrestling practice.

Then I remembered that he didn’t have it tonight and that he’d left earlier with Veronica, Betty and Jughead.

Cheryl and Toni were already gone too. I’d stayed over because I was tutoring some kids in the grade below me. I didn’t think it’d take as long as it did. When I realized just how late it had gotten and that I’d be walking home alone in the dark, I’d panicked.

I could always call my dad.

That’s what I wound up doing. About halfway across the parking lot and just as my father’s phone went to voicemail , Dave stepped out and grabbed me, clamping his hand over my mouth before I could do anything other than scream.

My phone fell out of my hands and hit the pavement . I fought him off, managed to get out of his grasp and took off at a run. He caught up to me and grabbed me, trying to drag me towards his Chevelle that was parked nearby, idling. I fought tooth and nail, making as much noise as I could. Grabbing hold of anything I could to try and wrench myself free from his grasp.

I spotted Sweet Pea walking towards the school and I screamed louder. Fought harder.

“Sweet Pea!” I screamed his name, biting at any exposed skin I could get my mouth on Dave’s body. Clawing and scratching. Determined not to go quietly or without a fight. Sweet Pea disappeared from sight for a few seconds in the scuffle between Dave and I, and I was fighting so hard that Dave was struggling to keep a good firm grip on me…

XXX

He’d come back to school because normally, Alyssa was done and at Pop’s within thirty minutes, an hour tops. It had almost been two. Something felt off. Sweet Pea tried to tell himself the entire walk across town to Riverdale High that he was just being paranoid or overprotective. By the time the school was in view, he almost had himself convinced that he was just being a paranoid idiot.

Until he heard her screaming.

Sweet Pea took off at a run in the direction her scream came from, watching as a guy grabbed Alyssa and started trying to pull her towards an idling Chevelle nearby. He locked eyes with Alyssa before slipping out of sight. Getting himself into a position where he could slip up on the guy from behind and hopefully, distract him enough that Alyssa could get away.

The second she managed to smash her head into the guy’s nose hard enough that he dropped her, Sweet Pea spoke up. Firmly. “Run, Cherry. Don’t stop running.”

“No.” I stubbornly refused to leave. I wasn’t going to leave him to fight Dave off on his own. Not when this was my mess to begin with, my own stupidity coming back to bite me in my ass.

“Damn it, woman. Fucking go!” Sweet Pea practically growled as he lunged for the guy in front of him, spearing him against the side of his own car. The fight took to the ground, the two rolling around. For a second or two, Dave had the upper hand because he managed to get his hand on Sweet Pea’s throat. Sweet Pea used his legs, flipping them so that he was on top, swinging his fists with no real thought other than the sheer rage he felt about the guy trying to grab Alyssa. Dave managed to get the upper hand again, holding Sweet Pea against the concrete, Sweet Pea’s hand wrapped around his throat as he tried to squeeze harder.

Sweet Pea swore in frustration when he saw Alyssa slipping over to the open rear door. She emerged with a baseball bat, making her way over to the fight.

“What the fuck do you think you were gonna do, man?” Sweet Pea snarled in anger as he got in a few hard and fast punches.

“I was gonna get my hands on that little bitch you call a girlfriend and teach her a lesson.” Dave grunted out the words as Sweet Pea’s hand closed around his throat tighter and he managed to get Dave on his back again.

“The only one who’s going to learn a lesson tonight is you, asshole. Don’t fucking touch her.” Sweet Pea got the upper hand again, holding Dave against the concrete, smashing his head against Dave’s head as he sneered, “I’m gonna fuckin kill you, putting your hands on my girl.” and really tightened his grip.

Dave managed to shove him off and stood, the two of them fighting. Alyssa swung the bat at Dave’s lower back, almost connecting with it but Dave stepped out of the way at the last minute, making a grab for her.

“Cherry, I told you to run, damn it!” Sweet Pea growled as he lunged at Dave, sending Alyssa stumbling back, barely managing to keep herself from falling on her butt on the pavement. The two were rolling around on the ground again, punching and choking wildly and Alyssa spotted her cell phone and she dove for it, dialing 911.

Just as she was about to hit call, Sweet Pea choked Dave out and grabbed for the rope that had fallen out of Dave’s jacket pocket, tying his arms together while he was down. Then he rushed over to her, checking her over in concern, wincing at the pavement burn on her cheeks and the few scrapes.

“What the fuck happened to run, huh?” Sweet Pea asked, trying to catch his breath.

“I wasn’t leaving you here with him.” Alyssa panted. Sweet Pea took her cell phone and hit call, keeping his foot on Dave’s head to keep him down as he made the call.

Two minutes later, a cop car came racing around the corner and pulled to a stop behind the idling Chevelle.

The cop got out and wandered over. Glancing from Sweet Pea to Dave.

Alyssa spoke up.

“Sweet Pea was trying to save me, officer.”

“I’m going to need you two to come to the station and make statements.” the cop informed them after getting Dave into the back of the cop car. Alyssa nodded, hugging herself against Sweet Pea’s side. Sweet Pea slipped out of his leather jacket,draping it around her, because at some point during her fight with Dave, her shirt had gotten torn down the front.

The cop left, leaving the two of them alone.

Sweet Pea took a few deep breaths, pulling her against him. Squeezing her tight. Holding her in place. “Thank God I decided to come by here. If something would’ve happened…” he muttered against her hair quietly.

She pulled away to look up at him and he locked eyes with her, leaning in closer…

XXX

My heart was still hammering away at my chest. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and I was starting to panic a little as I began to realize what almost happened to me. How close I came to disappearing, having God knows what would be done to me by Dave.

I wasn’t thinking about how awkward me kissing him would be. I wasn’t thinking about anything if you want the truth. I rose up on my toes, grabbing hold of the front of Sweet Pea’s t-shirt, pulling myself up. My mouth brushed against the corner of his gingerly, trying to avoid the portion of his lower lip that was busted and bloody because it had to hurt like hell. His hands dug into my hips and he growled quietly, his mouth latching onto mine just as I went to pull away, stop myself before I went for it and kissed him in the heat of the moment.

The kiss deepened and I raised my arms, wrapping them around his neck. Dragging my fingers through his hair. My back met the side of the Chevelle with a soft smack and he pressed himself into me more firmly. His mouth continuing to hungrily devour mine.

The kiss broke a few seconds later, we pulled apart breathlessly and stared at one another in a daze. Sweet Pea wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and cleared his throat. Going quiet again.

All I could do was melt into him and try to wrap my head around what almost happened and what had just actually happened. He curled his fingers under my chin, tilting my face so that I had to look up at him.

“Who was that? Wait.. was that your ex?”

My jaw dropped. I blinked at him and then I nodded quietly. He swore under his breath and held on a little tighter. Pulling away again, his hands on my upper arms as he stared down at me. “I should’ve fucking killed him.”

“H-how’d you know about Dave? Did my brother tell you?”

“And Jughead. I don’t know everything. I just know that I told myself if I ever actually saw the asshole, I was going to kill him.” Sweet Pea answered quietly. Taking a few deep breaths and then adding a few seconds later, “We need to get to the station.”

I nodded in agreement. Sweet Pea scooped me up when he saw me take a step and wince, then try it again with the same outcome.

“I can walk.” I protested weakly.

“You fell. You probably twisted your ankle. Just… let me carry you, Cherry.” he muttered quietly, his voice a soft and concerned whisper as he gazed down at me.

All I could do was nod. Lean my head against the space between his neck and shoulder.

As we worked our way towards the police station, it poured out of me. Every single thing I’d gone through with Dave in Chicago. I grimaced as I told Sweet Pea exactly what had gone down and why I thought Dave had come to town and tried to grab me tonight and Sweet Pea’s jaw set firm.

I could tell that hearing it bothered him. And at one point, he muttered quietly, “If you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to…”

“No, I need to get it out. I shouldn’t have kept the fact that the asshole was texting me to myself. Blocking his number obviously didn’t work because he reached out with a new one. I thought if I just ignored him, he’d lose interest. I thought it was just him, trying to scare me. I didn’t think he’d be stupid or brave enough to show up here.” I muttered, shaking my head at how stupid that sounded now that I was really stopping to think about it.

“He’s not gonna bother you again, okay? I’m going to make sure he doesn’t.” Sweet Pea muttered after a few seconds, just as we stepped into the station and made our way over to a sitting area to wait.

“You need to call your dad.” Sweet Pea spoke up after a few seconds that felt like hours.

I nodded. Taking my phone back from Sweet Pea, I dialed my dad’s number and I could hear the relief in his voice when he answered.

Static crackled and popped on his end of the line so I strained to hear.

“I’ve been riding around town looking for you for over an hour, tiny. What the hell happened?” my dad asked in a rush.

“Dave was waiting outside of the school tonight when I came out… If Sweet Pea hadn’t gotten there when he did I… he tried to grab me tonight, Dad.” I grimaced as I said it, bracing myself for all the questions and the lecture I knew I’d be getting because I hadn’t told anyone the second all this started.

,, to be fair, I definitely deserve it.” the thought came and I let myself have it. Leaning back in the chair, resting against Sweet Pea’s side slightly. Taking a few deep breaths.

My dad swore and I heard him punching at something, probably the dashboard of his truck. After a second or two, he spoke up. “Where are you two? I’m on my way, tiny. Right now.”

“We’re at the station giving a statement.” I explained.

“Thank god. So Novak got arrested? That’s good. I’m going to be sure to find out what I can do to make sure that little prick stays in a cell this time.” my dad responded as I heard him rev the engine on his truck.

The call ended and I leaned my head against Sweet Pea’s shoulder. He slipped an arm around me and took a few more breaths as if he were trying to calm himself down again because he was still angry and tense.

The cop who made the arrest found us and ushered us back to his workspace and we sat down. Telling the cop every single detail of what happened tonight. The cop let me finish and then spoke up.

“We’re holding him for Chicago. He apparently escaped. Attacked another girl… A Claire Watson… Then he came here. But everything you’ve told me will help keep him behind bars, Alyssa. Do you have a parent you can call?”

I nodded.

“She already called him.” Sweet Pea answered calmly as he folded his arms over his chest and glared at the cop suspiciously.

The cop eyed him, nodding. Managing a cordial smile. “That was quick thinking on your part tonight kid. Also stupid as hell. If he’d had a weapon, that could’ve gone wrong. Next time, call the station.”

“And do what? Let an asshole make off with my girl? Yeah, no thanks. I’m good. I’ve seen how fast you assholes respond to any call you get from the South side.”

“Not all of us are bad, kid.” the cop pointed out in a calm and even tone.

“Yeah, well… I wasn’t going to stand there and let him take my girl either. I did what I had to do.” Sweet Pea took a deep breath, rubbing his forehead. Calming himself back down.

I spotted my father and Archie coming into the station, heading right for us and I let out a ragged breath. Squeezing my dad so tight he almost couldn’t breathe when they got over to where we were sitting in the back.

My father spoke up, addressing the cop. “We will be pressing charges. So, whatever I need in order to do that, just tell me and you’ve got it.”

Sweet Pea cleared his throat.

“If it helps, here’s her phone.” Sweet Pea held my phone out to the policeman and he took it, nodding. “If there’s anything on here, that’ll help. If you’ll come with me, Mr. Andrews, we’ll get that paperwork drawn up to start the proceedings.”

My dad gave me another hug and stopped in front of Sweet Pea. “If you hadn’t been there tonight, kid… Thank you.”

“I wasn’t gonna let anything happen to her, sir.” Sweet Pea muttered, awkwardly letting my dad hug him too.

My dad made his way to an office with the policeman who’d taken our statements and I glanced up at Sweet Pea, grimacing at the bruises and scraped starting to form on his face and neck. The black eye and the busted lip.

“Archie, can you go get some ice or a soda can? His lips really swelling up..” I muttered. My brother nodded, taking some change from me to go do it. And this left Sweet Pea and I alone again.

“About that kiss.. I’m sorry, I.. the last thing I wanted to do was make anything awkward. I just got caught up in the moment and I can’t keep fighting the way I feel and I… Sorry.” I spoke up quietly. Prepared to give him an out. Afraid that I’d gone way over the line.

“Yeah, about that… I’ve been wanting to do it for a while.” Sweet Pea admitted quietly. Making me look up at him as he chuckled quietly. “You wanna repeat any of what you just said?”

I felt my cheeks burning. I pouted up at him and gave him a dirty look.

He smirked in response and spoke up. “I’m being serious. You were doing that mumble and babbling thing again.”

“You heard me.” I answered, biting my lip as I looked up at him.

“A little, yeah… But maybe I wanna hear it again, cherry.” he pulled me close and gazed down at me for a few seconds.

“Wait.. you wanted to kiss me?” I realized what he’d admitted. Gazing up at him, a little shocked.

“You’re trying to change the subject now?” he questioned, slipping his arms around me. I gave a soft laugh and muttered quietly, “Maybe a little.”

“When you say you can’t ignore the way you feel.. What’s that mean?” he questioned again, making me look up at him. I took a deep breath and toyed with the front of his shirt, trying to figure out the best way to put it to words.

The truth. Simple and direct.

“I care about you a lot. I lo--” I started to say that I loved him, but Archie cleared his throat behind us, holding out the soda can to me. Then promptly excusing himself again to go find our dad. I gently guided Sweet Pea down into a chair and sank down to sit on his knees. Gingerly pressing the cold soda can against his lip. And after a second or two, I finally got myself to say it again. “I love you, okay?”

He chuckled quietly. Locking eyes with me. Lowering the soda can to ask quietly, “Like a best friend or something.. Right?”

I shook my head. “More than, actually. Since that day at the car wash when I drenched you with the hose, I’ve… It’s been hard to make myself not look for you in a crowd. Yes, yes.. I know this is mushy and you don’t do mushy, I..” his mouth crashing against mine cut off the flow of my words and he muttered in a daze, “Say it again. Tell me you love me, Cherry.”

“I love you.” I managed to get the words out breathlessly. His mouth was latching onto mine all over again. The kiss deepening. His arms enveloping me tighter. Squeezing til I thought I’d get lightheaded between the deep and heavy onslaught of kisses and the way he was holding me.

“I love you too.” he mumbled quietly. Gazing down at me. Panting for his next breath as the kiss broke yet again.

“Okay, are you two done with whatever yet? Because dad told me to get Al back home. You can come with us if you want.” Archie surprised me by inviting Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea eyed him and nodded, standing after I’d finally managed to pry myself away from him.

As we walked out of the station, he slipped his hand down between us, lacing his fingers between mine. Giving my hand a squeeze as he glanced down at me.

[shawnpetermuffins]

How's It Feel (CG pt 2 again)

A/n: I'm reuploading this because something when wrong when I did it the first time.

Summary: Shawn's starting to feel how you did for way too long and he's realizing he can't cope with the pain.

Requested: yes, by so many of you for god knows what reason

***

The hole in my chest had only grown since y/n walked out of our apartment. I tried texting her, calling her. I tried everything until eventually my messages didn't go through anymore. My calls went straight to voicemail. All of her stuff was gone when I got back from the studio one day too, and if it was even possible, my heart broke all over again seeing that.

And as if not being with her wasn't already messing with my head, having to tell my family was even worse. Mum was pissed, didn't talk to me for three days, Aaliyah over a week. (I’ll be honest, she probably still wouldn’t be talking to me had I not broke down in front of Mum when I went to go work things out with them.) It was torture not being able to talk to two of the most important women in my life, about the other other single most important girl in my life. One who no longer wanted me.

I knew I fucked up, there was no denying that. But I never intended to hurt her the way I did. I took her love for granted, I know that now, but knowing that just makes it hurt worse.

So I spent almost every night following our no-so mutual breakup at the bar, drinking the strongest liquor I could get my hands on because beer just wasn't going to cut it. If I was going to drown in anything, I'd rather it be in alcohol than in my own self pity. And it worked… until I met her.

---

Jordan's presence slammed into my like a ton of bricks. She was everything that the media thought I should be with. Long, flowy blonde hair. Legs for days. That "natural glow" that very obviously was just a dewy foundation - something y/n never wore because she thought it made her look more oily than dewy. By all means, she is who I wanted. Or more accurately, she is who I wanted to want.

Jordan was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. There's not a doubt in my mind. But she wasn't y/n. She didn't stay the night. She hardly ever called, not unless I had promo events or award shows. So I guess lucky for me, it was award season. But these were the only times I'd see her. Only times I'd talk to her. Not that I didn't want to. I did, and I tried. But my messages would go read and unanswered. She never wanted to hang out with me and my friends, and on the ever-so rare occasion that she did accept my offer, it always ended with a quick fuck and she was out the door. There were no cuddles, there was no snuggling. I didn't get to wake up to make her breakfast like I used to do for y/n before I let things go so wrong.

I wonder if this is what y/n felt when I was out the door before she ever got the chance to open her eyes. I wonder if she felt this every morning for the last eight months of our relationship. That's how long it was, I realized when it was much too late. I blew off plans, and I didn't come home, and I didn't talk to her for eight months. But I still expected her to do things for me. Go to my awards shows even when I know she told me she had things she needed to do for work. I called her unsupportive more times than I can count and I unintentionally, but somehow knowingly let her slip through my fingers.

---

Come over???

Jordan read the text three hours ago and still hasn't bothered to respond. Not that I was expecting her to anymore. Unless I ask her to come to an award show with me, I won't get a response for days.

So I'm here, logged into Brian's Instagram looking through y/n's most recent posts because she blocked me on literally everything, not that I can blame her. She knew me well enough to know that after the way we ended things I would want to check up on her. Even though I didn't do it enough while I had her.

Kinda_yourname

7,421 likes

Kinda_yourname Carnival nights call for impromptu photo shoots

📸: @connorbrashier

Comments have been disabled.

I throw my phone onto the coffee table, suddenly sick to my stomach.

Connor. She still talks to him. They still hang out. I knew they had gotten close on the SM3 tour but I'd never realized that they were still close. It shouldn't bother me - she's, in fact, not mine anymore no matter how much I wish she were - But it does. It bothers me so much. Because who is he to be taking pictures like this of the girl I used to call my own? How is someone I considered a friend going to betray me this way?

I want so badly to throw something, to scream, and punch and kick like a dramatic child who's just been told he can't go play outside with his friends because it's far too hot. Other than the fact that my phone is no longer in my hands, and that my fingers are pressed firmly into the denim encompassing my legs, anyone watching me wouldn't be able to tell that I was in such serious turmoil.

I want to go back to feeling something. Even if it is just contempt for myself and the way I let things get so out of hand. But something inside me won't let it happen. I've become nothing but a hollow shell of what I used to be. I feel nothing. I want for nothing. I do nothing. It’s been hell on my music, too. Selfishly, I thought that being heartbroken would help me write another album, but now I have no inspiration. My muse is gone.

---

I'm sitting in the dining room with my mum who seems to be a little on edge while I'm talking to her. She keeps looking toward the door when she thinks I'm not looking, but I can't bring myself to ask why she's acting so weird. I should have.

"Where's Liyah?" I asked.

"Getting ready. She's going out with a friend."

I nodded, "Who?"

Mum shook her head and dismissed the question with wave of her hand, "You don't know her."

Ouch.

"Now, uh, what's going on?" She clasped her hands together.

I furrowed my brows, but shrugged off the uneasiness radiating through her body language. "I uh… I messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"With y/n."

She sighed, "Shawn. It's been three months."

"Yeah. And I haven't been able to write a song since we broke up."

"I thought you said you were dating that new girl."

"Jordan," I mumbled.

"Yes, her."

"It's complicated." I took in a deep breath, "Every time I try to make an effort, it's never reciprocated. She never texts me back, or calls me. She only ever wants to get together when I tell her I have an award show to go to or like I'm doing press. And I don't get that same feeling that I used to get when y/n would look at me. I don't love her, mum. Hell, I don't even know if I really like her or if I'm forcing myself to because I'm trying to compensate for what I don't have with y/n anymore."

Mum didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes told me everything.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something. What? What are you thinking?"

"Now, honey you know I love you. And I will support you through anything." She took my hands in hers from across the table. "But it sounds to me like you're getting a taste of your own medicine."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get upset, Shawn. But that's exactly what you did with y/n. She texted and she called and you only wanted her when you needed someone next to you. You didn't treat her like your girlfriend. Not even a little bit. She was 'arm candy.' And that, it pains me to say, is what you are to this Jordan girl."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. "I don't want Jordan anymore. And it's clear she doesn't want me. I have to end things with her."

"If that's what you want, then I support you."

"I want y/n, mum… What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do... Y/n isn't going to take you back."

"You don't know that," I said desperately, even though I knew she was right."

“Sweetheart, you know I love y/n. We all do. And you also know that I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought that she would take you back. But Shawn… you hurt her. No, that’s not right. You broke her. That whole last year of your relationship shattered her into a million pieces. She’s trying just as hard as you - if not harder - to pick herself back up after this.”

“She’s hanging out with Connor. Did you know that?”

“And what does that matter? You’re with someone else.”

“It’s Connor! He and I are friends!”

“Shawn -”

"Karen! I hope you don't mind. I used my key, is Aaliyah -"

I stilled at the sound of the voice of  both my dreams and nightmares. A voice I never thought I'd hear again. I slowly turned around and was met with her frighteningly pale skin, she looked like she'd seen a ghost, and I knew I probably looked the same.

"Hi," I said like an idiot after a minute of full on staring at her, taking in every single thing I could.

She didn't say it back, just shook her head and averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "Karen, is Aaliyah ready?"

"I'm ready!" My little sister beamed, entering the now overly tense dining room. “Oh... Hey, Shawn.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, only to y/n.

“Liyah, you got your stuff?”

She nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” She crossed the room and pressed a kiss to Mum’s cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

“Is it cool if I take her out to dinner?” y/n asked, still not looking at me. "There were a lot of people at the mall when I passed by, we might be longer than expected.

“What the hell is going on?” I exclaimed, and I knew eyes were on me now, but not the eyes I so desperately wanted to be on me. "Did you know she was coming over?" I asked my mom.

She didn't answer me and that was response enough. “That’s fine, honey. But come back for dessert, okay? Manny and I were thinking sundaes with all the fixings.”

“You know the way to my heart, Karen. We’ll be back by eight.”

Aaliyah was now standing next to my ex-girlfriend once again and my heart ached watching them. They started walking toward the door, and I was going to leave it alone. Let them walk out the house without a problem, but my body reacted before my mind could catch up. “Y/n, wait.” When she didn’t turn around, I took her wrist. “Baby, please. Can we talk?”

“Let go of me, Shawn,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Not until you look at me,” I said, desperation lacing between every word.

She sighed and fished her keys out of her pocket, “Hon, can you wait in the car? I’ll be right there.”

My sister nodded and walked out of the house without so much as a glance my way. And when the door shut behind her, those y/e/c eye finally met mine, breaking me even more because they didn’t hold that light they used to.

"What, Shawn? What could you possibly want?"

I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for water.

"Well?" She arches an eyebrow at me, making me feel small beneath that stare that I desperately wanted just minutes ago, but now I wish she would look away. Because seeing that hurt and hatred behind her eyes is killing me. "What do you want?" She asked again.

And I broke. "You. Always fucking you!"

She scoffed, "No you don't!" She exclaimed. "You don't want me, you're lonely! I'm not your pet, Shawn! I'm not gonna come at your beck and call. I'm a human being. A human being with real feelings. A human being still trying to fix what you broke," her finger jabbed into my chest. "You don't get to say that you miss me after the way you treated me."

"I know, but-"

"Do you seriously think you can defend yourself here?" Y/n crosses her arms over her chest and it only makes me more upset.

"What makes you think you have any right to defend yourself?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, you're out there fucking around with one of my close friends, right? What? Are you gonna say he's just a friend? That he's just looking out for your well-being? Because that's definitely not the case."

"WHO?! Which of your 'close friends' am I supposedly fucking around with?"

Hearing her curse that way reminds me that we're in my parent's house and I suddenly feel really bad for causing this scene in front of my mum, but we're already too far gone.

"Oh, don't play dumb!"

"Enlighten me." She won't budge from her spot, but I've paced so much and so quickly that I was starting to leave a path in the carpet.

"With Connor. I saw you were together on your instagram."

"How could you even see that if I blocked you?"

"Are you gonna deny it?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends, Shawn? Because last I checked, you weren't my boyfriend, and you sure as hell weren't my 'keeper.' You don't have any right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. So what if I'm hanging out with him? We got close on tour." She said with a shrug, "not that it's any of your business, but we are just friends"

“I haven’t written since you left,” I said lowly, suddenly much too tired to continue this screaming match that literally just started. “And I’ve been seeing this girl,” I said and tried to find some type of emotion behind her eyes, but there was nothing.

"Then why the hell should it matter if I'm with Connor? Even as friends?"

I couldn’t answer her yet, so I continued, “She never wants to hang out. She’s only there for awards and stuff. It kind of sucks actually.”

She scoffed, “That’s funny. Because that seemed to be exactly what you were wanting while we were together.”

“That’s not what I wanted, y/n. I just lost sight of what we had, my feelings got confused, and they shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to hurt you that way.”

“But you did! And now you’re complaining for what? Because she’s not waiting around for you like I was?”

“Honey-”

“No! You don’t get to call me that anymore! You have no right!”

“Okay,” I hold my hands up in defense. “I’m sorry. I just, I don’t know what to say to make this better. I didn’t realize that you felt this way until it happened to me. And it’s the worst feeling. I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough.” I sigh, “and I’m miserable without you,” I confessed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But that's not my fault. You made the decisions that you did and you lost me in the process. That was all you."

"I want to go back. Forget that it's over."

"But you can't," she said, finally uncrossing her arms.

"But if we could?"

She shook her head, "even if we could. I'm not willing to forget."

"Will we ever be okay again? Be the way we used to be? Before we started dating."

She sighed and her gaze dropped once again. "As far as I'm concerned," she started. "You and I were strangers before we got together… and we're strangers once again." With a heavy sigh and a quick run of her fingers through her hair, she turned her attention back to the door that my sister walked out of just minutes ago. "I have to go. Your sister's waiting."

Don't go, I think to myself. Let me fix this. Let me try. But of course I don't say this. I watch her fingers curl around knob and my own fingers twitch, just aching to reach for her. But then the door closes with a soft click behind her and I find myself leaning against that same hard wood, tears blurring my vision.

I slide to the floor, my head in my hands, shoulders shaking with my uncontrolled sobs.

I never thought I'd feel this heartbreak. It's even worse the second time, somehow. Maybe because I know now that this is it for us.

Because I was always the master of words, and her of action. But in this moment, there are no words to save me, nor weapons to save her.

We are caught, defenseless, on seperate sides of the door.

[shawnpetermuffins]

How's It Feel (CG pt 2)

A/n: I really struggled to write this, I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't turning out the way I wanted it at all, but this is what I've got and I still hope you like it.

Summary: Shawn's starting to feel how you did for way too long.

Requested: yes, by a lot of you surprisingly

Word count: 2.8k

***

The hole in my chest had only grown since y/n walked out of our apartment. I tried texting her, calling her. I tried everything until eventually my messages didn't go through anymore. My calls went straight to voicemail. All of her stuff was gone when I got back from the studio one day too, and if it was even possible, my heart broke all over again seeing that.

And as if not being with her wasn't already messing with my head, having to tell my family was even worse. Mum was pissed, didn't talk to me for three days, Aaliyah over a week. (I’ll be honest, she probably still wouldn’t be talking to me had I not broke down in front of Mum when I went to go work things out with them.) It was torture not being able to talk to two of the most important women in my life, about the other single most important girl in my life. One who no longer wanted me.

I knew I fucked up, there was no denying that. But I never intended to hurt her the way I did. I took her love for granted, I know that now, but knowing that just makes it hurt worse.

So I spent almost every night following our not-so mutual breakup at the bar, drinking the strongest liquor I could get my hands on because beer just wasn't going to cut it. If I was going to drown in anything, I'd rather it be in alcohol than in my own self pity. And it worked… until I met her.

---

Jordan's presence slammed into my like a ton of bricks. She was everything that the media thought I should be with. Long, flowy blonde hair. Legs for days. That "natural glow" that very obviously was just a dewy foundation - something y/n never wore because she thought it made her look more oily than dewy. By all means, she is who I wanted. Or more accurately, she is who I wanted to want.

Jordan was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. There's not a doubt in my mind. But she wasn't y/n. She didn't stay the night. She hardly ever called, not unless I had promo events or award shows. So I guess lucky for me, it was award season. But these were the only times I'd see her. Only times I'd talk to her. Not that I didn't want to. I did, and I tried. But my messages would go read and unanswered. She never wanted to hang out with me and my friends, and on the ever-so rare occasion that she did accept my offer, it always ended with a quick fuck and she was out the door. There were no cuddles, there was no snuggling. I didn't get to wake up to make her breakfast like I used to do for y/n before I let things go so wrong.

I wonder if this is what y/n felt when I was out the door before she ever got the chance to open her eyes. I wonder if she felt this every morning for the last eight months of our relationship. That's how long it was, I realized when it was much too late. I blew off plans, and I didn't come home, and I didn't talk to her for eight months. But I still expected her to do things for me. Go to my awards shows even when I know she told me she had things she needed to do for work. I called her unsupportive more times than I can count and I unintentionally, but somehow knowingly let her slip through my fingers.

---

Come over???

Jordan read the text three hours ago and still hasn't bothered to respond. Not that I was expecting her to anymore. Unless I ask her to come to an award show with me, I won't get a response for days.

So I'm here, logged into Brian's Instagram looking through y/n's most recent posts because she blocked me on literally everything, not that I can blame her. She knew me well enough to know that after the way we ended things I would want to check up on her. Even though I didn't do it enough while I had her.

Kinda_yourname

7,421 likes

Kinda_yourname Carnival nights call for impromptu photo shoots.

📸: @ connorbrashier

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I throw my phone onto the coffee table, suddenly sick to my stomach.

Connor. She still talks to him. They still hang out. I knew they had gotten close on the SM3 tour but I'd never realized that they were still close. It shouldn't bother me - she's, in fact, not mine anymore no matter how much I wish she were - But it does. It bothers me so much. Because who is he to be taking pictures like this of the girl I used to call my own? How is someone I considered a friend going to betray me this way?

I want so badly to throw something, to scream, and punch and kick like a dramatic child who's just been told he can't go play outside with his friends because it's far too hot. Other than the fact that my phone is no longer in my hands, and that my fingers are pressed firmly into the denim encompassing my legs, anyone watching me wouldn't be able to tell that I was in such serious turmoil.

I want to go back to feeling something. Even if it is just contempt for myself and the way I let things get so out of hand. But something inside me won't let it happen. I've become nothing but a hollow shell of what I used to be. I feel nothing. I want for nothing. I do nothing. It’s been hell on my music, too. Selfishly, I thought that being heartbroken would help me write another album, but now I have no inspiration. My muse is gone.

---

I'm sitting in the dining room with my mum who seems to be a little on edge while I'm talking to her. She keeps looking toward the door when she thinks I'm not looking, but I can't bring myself to ask why she's acting so weird. I should have.

"Where's Liyah?" I asked.

"Getting ready. She's going out with a friend."

I nodded, "Who?"

Mum shook her head and dismissed the question with wave of her hand, "You don't know her."

Ouch.

"Now, uh, what's going on?" She clasped her hands together.

I furrowed my brows, but shrugged off the uneasiness radiating through her body language. "I uh… I messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"With y/n."

She sighed, "Shawn. It's been three months."

"Yeah. And I haven't been able to write a song since we broke up."

"I thought you said you were dating that new girl."

"Jordan," I mumbled.

"Yes, her."

"It's complicated." I took in a deep breath, "Every time I try to make an effort, it's never reciprocated. She never texts me back, or calls me. She only ever wants to get together when I tell her I have an award show to go to or like I'm doing press. And I don't get that same feeling that I used to get when y/n would look at me. I don't love her, mum. Hell, I don't even know if I really like her or if I'm forcing myself to because I'm trying to compensate for what I don't have with y/n anymore."

Mum didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes told me everything.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something. What? What are you thinking?"

"Now, honey you know I love you. And I will support you through anything." She took my hands in hers from across the table. "But it sounds to me like you're getting a taste of your own medicine."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get upset, Shawn. But that's exactly what you did with y/n. She texted and she called and you only wanted her when you needed someone next to you. You didn't treat her like your girlfriend. Not even a little bit. She was 'arm candy.' And that, it pains me to say, is what you are to this Jordan girl."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. "I don't want Jordan anymore. And it's clear she doesn't want me. I have to end things with her."

"If that's what you want, then I support you."

"I want y/n, mum… What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do. Y/n isn't going to take you back."

"You don't know that," I said desperately, even though I knew she was right."

“Sweetheart, you know I love y/n. We all do. And you also know that I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought that she would take you back. But Shawn… you hurt her. No, that’s not right. You broke her. That whole last year of your relationship shattered her into a million pieces. She’s trying just as hard as you - if not harder - to pick herself back up after this.”

“She’s hanging out with Connor. Did you know that?”

“And what does that matter? You’re with someone else.”

“It’s Connor! He and I are friends!”

“Shawn -”

"Karen! I hope you don't mind. I used my key, is Aaliyah -"

I stilled at the sound of the voice of both my dreams and my nightmares. A voice I never thought I'd hear again. I slowly turned around and was met with her frighteningly pale skin, she looked like she'd seen a ghost, and I knew I probably looked the same.

"Hi," I said like an idiot after a minute of full on staring at her, taking in every single thing I could.

She didn't say it back, just shook her head, averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "Karen, is Aaliyah ready?"

"I'm ready!" My little sister beamed, entering the now overly tense dining room. “Oh... Hey, Shawn.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, only to y/n.

“Liyah, you got your stuff?”

She nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” She crossed the room and pressed a kiss to Mum’s cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

“Is it cool if I take her out to dinner?” y/n asked, still not looking at me. "There were a lot of people at the mall when I passed by so we might be there longer than expected."

“What the hell is going on?” I exclaimed, and I knew eyes were on me now, but not the eyes I so desperately wanted to be on me. "Did you know she was coming over?" I asked mum.

She didn't answer me and that was response enough. “That’s fine, honey. But come back for dessert, okay? Manny and I were thinking sundaes with all the fixings.”

“You know the way to my heart, Karen. We’ll be back by eight.”

Aaliyah was now standing next to my ex-girlfriend once again and my heart ached watching them. They started walking toward the door, and I was going to leave it alone. Let them walk out the house without a problem, but my body reacted before my mind could catch up. “Y/n, wait.” When she didn’t turn around, I took her wrist. “Baby, please. Can we talk?”

“Let go of me, Shawn,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Not until you look at me,” I said, desperation lacing between every word.

She sighed and fished her keys out of her pocket, “Hon, can you wait in the car? I’ll be right there.”

My sister nodded and walked out of the house without so much as a glance my way. And when the door shut behind her, those y/e/c eyes finally met mine, breaking me even more because they didn’t hold that light they used to.

"What, Shawn? What could you possibly want?"

I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for water.

"Well?" She arches an eyebrow at me, making me feel small beneath that stare that I desperately wanted just minutes ago, but now I wish she would look away. Because seeing that hurt and hatred behind her eyes is killing me. "What do you want?" She asked again.

And I broke. "You. Always fucking you!"

She scoffed, "No you don't!" She exclaimed. "You don't want me, you're lonely! I'm not your pet, Shawn! I'm not gonna come at your beck and call. I'm a human being. A human being with real feelings. A human being still trying to fix what you broke," her finger jabbed into my chest. "You don't get to say that you miss me after the way you treated me."

"I know, but-"

"Do you seriously think you can defend yourself here?" Y/n crosses her arms over her chest and it only makes me more upset.

"What makes you think you have any right to defend yourself?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, you're out there fucking around with one of my close friends, right? What? Are you gonna say he's just a friend? That he's just looking out for your well-being? Because that's definitely not the case."

"WHO?! Which of your 'close friends' am I supposedly fucking around with?"

Hearing her curse that way reminds me that we're in my parent's house and I suddenly feel really bad for causing this scene in front of my mum, but we're already too far gone.

"Oh, don't play dumb!"

"Enlighten me." She won't budge from her spot, but I've paced so much and so quickly that I was starting to leave a path in the carpet.

"With Connor. I saw you were together on your instagram."

"How could you even see that if I blocked you?"

"Are you gonna deny it?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends, Shawn? Because last I checked, you weren't my boyfriend, and you sure as hell weren't my 'keeper.' You don't have any right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. So what if I'm hanging out with him? We got close on tour." She said with a shrug, "not that it's any of your business, but we are just friends"

"I haven't written since you left," I said lowly, suddenly much too tired to continue this screaming match that literally just started. "And I've been seeing this girl," I said and tried to find some type of emotion behind her eyes, but there was nothing.

"Then why the hell should it matter if I was with Connor? Even as friends."

I couldn't answer her yet, so I continued, "She never wants to hang out. She's only there for awards and stuff. It kind of sucks actually."

She scoffed, "That's funny. Because that seemed to be exactly what you were wanting while we were together."

"That's not what I wanted, y/n. I just lost sight of what we had, my feelings got confused, and they shouldn't have. I didn't mean to hurt you that way."

"But you did! And now you're complaining for what? Because she's not waiting around for you like I was?"

"Honey-"

"No! You don't get to call me that anymore! You have no right!"

"Okay," I hold my hands up in defense. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't know what to say to make this better. I didn't realize that you felt this way until it happened to me. And it's the worst feeling. I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough." I sigh, "and I'm miserable without you," I confessed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But that's not my fault. You made the decisions that you did and you lost me in the process. That was all you."

"I want to go back. Forget that it's over."

"But you can't," she said, finally uncrossing her arms.

"But if we could?"

She shook her head, "even if we could. I'm not willing to forget."

"Will we ever be okay again? Be the way we used to be? Before we started dating."

She sighed and her gaze dropped once again. "As far as I'm concerned," she started. "You and I were strangers before we got together… and we're strangers once again." With a heavy sigh and a quick run of her fingers through her hair, she turned her attention back to the door that my sister walked out of just minutes ago. "I have to go. Your sister's waiting."

Don't go, I think to myself. Let me fix this. Let me try. But of course I don't say this. I watch her fingers curl around knob and my own fingers twitch, just aching to reach for her. But then the door closes with a soft click behind her and I find myself leaning against that same hard wood, tears blurring my vision.

I slide to the floor, my head in my hands, shoulders shaking with my uncontrolled sobs.

I never thought I'd feel this heartbreak. It's even worse the second time, somehow. Maybe because I know now that this is it for us.

Because I was always the master of words, and her of action. But in this moment, there are no words to save me, nor weapons to save her.

We are caught, defenseless, on seperate sides of the door.

***

CG taglist: @mx-and-mb @toolazymyguy @jaysgotabadrep @suckerformendes @sixwyrxstuff @particularmila @lizzy-rome99 @trustmeimadoctor2011 @coralchloe

Permanent taglist: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

A/n: I didn't feel the same way about this one as I did the first one, but I hope you enjoyed it!

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