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jeongheart · 9 months

Text

super shy

summary: he's been receiving these letters for the past year but, he doesn't know your name, does he?

w.c: 7.1k.

tags: friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life.

a.n: this is the longest fic i ever written omg, i've been playing new jeans latest comeback for a few days and this is the result lol. as always, english is not my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes. leave your thoughts if you liked it, means a lot!

It was there again.

Sitting immaculately on top of his messy folders, the envelope was white without any type of decoration, the owner of the cursive handwriting wouldn't even risk placing a sticker since it could give a clue, even minimal, about who was behind it.

The classroom was almost empty, since recess ended a few minutes ago and the students were still lazily getting up from the grass where they were lying, not wanting to lock themselves in a room again for hours while the day was shining beautifully outside the building.

However, Chan looked around him, narrowing his eyes as he scanned his classmates for the smallest trace of uneasiness as he took the envelope in his hands. But he didn't find any, unless the author had a master's degree in poker face no one around him seemed interested in what he was doing.

After the failed scrutiny, he sat down again with no care on the wooden bench, eager to read what that person had to say today. This excited feeling was new for him, the letters had been arriving about a year ago, right at the beginning of the new semester and at first, Chan found it funny. Surely one of his friends (he bet his life on either Seungmin or Minho, those two were always up to something no matter how much they said they weren't) found it fun to piss him off this year, after all, it has been a long time since his last relationship and sometimes he felt the need of affection, so the "joke" made perfect sense in his head.

He didn't read them the first few months, he just crumpled them up and kept them in a hidden place in his backpack, to let whoever was behind them know that he wasn't interested. But they kept coming even after that vile act against someone's real feelings; and that was when Chan began to question if there really was a person genuinely interested in him, interested enough to send him handwritten letters as if they were living in a classic romance novel. The person had a beautiful vocabulary, and it was clear that they paid attention to details that he didn't even noticed about himself.

The notes weren't very long since they didn't exceed ten lines, but each word was full of admiration and affection. They always reminded him to eat and take care of his health, in addition to telling him day by day one of the qualities why his mysterious person had fallen in love with him. Chan blushed every time he read those reasons, it was no secret (to himself, since he didn't like others to know) that he didn't think very highly of himself; from his point of view there was nothing nice or admirable about his existence. But this person believed just the opposite, and they had made their life's mission to let him know that every day.

Today was no exception, the lined sheets were a pastel color (pink? orange?) and had small animal decorations at the bottom and top (he noticed that these came in "groups", the representative animal of these last ten notes was a smiling giraffe). It was incredibly adorable, and Chan found himself laughing softly every time he took out the contents of the envelope.

'Mondays are always hard! Especially this time of year (can't the professors trust in me and my knowledge of things? I don't see the need for them to take a test).

Anyway, Channie, this weekend I found myself thinking a lot about you, every time I start writing my reasons I feel like I'm going to be left speechless but then I remember that it's not difficult at all to love you. So here is another one:

Your resilience, I greatly admire your ability to always get up no matter how many blows life throws at you. The vast majority of us feel discouraged by the slightest inconvenience, but not you. And that is something incredible.

I hope you have a beautiful start to the week, remember to eat your meals and feel the sun.

Fondly,'

And that's how all the letters ended, the author seemed to hesitate every time they traced the last line, he could feel the uncertainty even on the paper. Chan knew that they were shy and always wondered when they were going to stop being to finally sign with their name and be able to meet that person who stole his heart with every word.

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He was reading the note, hunched over his things, almost shielding the contents of the paper from the prying eyes of anyone who passed by him. You knew he was going to do it (he always did) but you couldn't stop your heart from racing like it was the first time it happened. You watched him from the hallway, hiding behind one of your textbooks while a silly smile appeared on your face, nothing made you happier than making him happy with your words, it's true what people say about "butterflies in the stomach" because that was what you were feeling right now.

His eyes crinkled in the most adorable way possible every time he smiled and from your spot in the hallway you could almost hear the sigh he let out after finishing reading the letter. After scanning his surroundings one last time, Chan placed the paper back into the envelope, and carefully placed it inside his notebook.

"You and your Shakespeare complex again" The sudden voice of your best friend so close made you jump in your place and drop the book you had in your hands. It hit the ground with a dull sound due to the thickness of its contents, and when you picked up the book again you turned around to face the figure of the perpetrator. He just laughed at you and your reaction, which earned him a closed-fist blow directly to his shoulder.

"You deserve it" You didn't even bother to return his reproachful gaze since he clearly felt like fighting, and instead, you returned your focus to Chan's classroom and his figure. He was no longer in his seat and you didn't want to look weird by leaning out the window door to look for him. So you sighed heavily and leaned your body against the wall while closing your eyes.

Until you felt Jeongin's presence come to your side "Are you going to tell him sometime?"

You didn't answer him.

Well, actually you did, with a growl that could mean either 'I'll do it today, stop bothering' or 'not even dead'. However, the blonde wasn't satisfied with your interpretation of an animal as a response and he began poking your ribs with his long fingers, drawing high-pitched sounds of protest from your lips.

"Stop it, Innie" You moved his hands away from your figure and stood firmly looking him in the eyes like a mother who is trying to discipline her misbehaving son. He crossed his arms with a satisfied smile crossing his face with foxlike features and, with a movement of his head, he invited you to speak.

"What do you want me to say? 'Hello Chan! It's me, the person who has been sending you letters like a fifteen-year-old for a year now. I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you at my best friend's house. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" You rolled your eyes tiredly and didn't wait for Jeongin to tell you what he thought, and so you started walking towards your classroom, with an exasperated five foot seven boy following closely behind you.

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You still remembered the first time you'd seen him, and how couldn't you. His presence could illuminate even the darkest corner, and his personality attracted anyone around him.

It was the summer, and you'd gone to Jeongin's house to spend an afternoon together. The air conditioning in your apartment had broken two days ago, and you couldn't stand being in your room for another second, which was already beginning to feel like an industrial oven. When you arrived at your best friend's residence, you weren't surprised by the fact that there were more people than just the two of you. Jeongin was taking singing lessons at a nearby academy and had hit it off with some of his classmates; so while you didn't know them as well as he did, you had the chance to hang out with some of them a couple of times and you could say that they were the funniest guys you'd ever come across. Especially Hyunjin, who seemed to be like a glove with your best friend.

Jeongin's house felt cold, as if winter had come only for the Yang family and, although you shivered with every step you took towards the kitchen where voices could be heard, this felt like paradise compared to the hell you lived in your house (and you even thought it was cooler in hell).

Reaching the kitchen, you heard Hyunjin's melodious voice followed by his nasal, boisterous laughter at a comment Jeongin made. You shook your head laughing inwardly as you pushed the wooden door open to enter the space, the boys turning their heads in your direction as they heard the hinges snapping back into place.

Your best friend gave you his characteristic smile as he got up from his seat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen island to give you a small hug "I thought you weren't coming anymore!"

From Jeongin's shoulder you saw how Hyunjin gave you a smile and a wave, you tried to return the gesture as best you could considering that you were trapped in the arms of a boy who flatly stated that he didn't like hugs. It was getting long in your opinion, so you patted Jeongin on the back, letting him know that yes, you loved him very much, but you were still sticky with sweat from the walk in the sun and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable when he was so cool. When Jeongin let go of you, he opened his palm to introduce you to a person you hadn't seen before, "I hope you don't mind, that's Chan over there. He also goes to our academy, and he goes to university with us! Although he is a year ahead"

You smiled at Jeongin as you walked further into the kitchen to greet the new guest and in front of you stood one of the most attractive men you'd ever seen in your entire life. He wasn't very tall (you could tell even if he was sitting) but his broad shoulders gave him an intimidating presence, his hair looked messy in a swirl of brown curls, and although he was dressed from head to toe in black (you were sure his nails were painted that color too) on his face was a dimpled smile that took your breath away.

From one moment to the next you forgot how to articulate words and you felt like a fish opening and closing its mouth trying to find something to say, but your brain didn't seem to want to work.

You felt a small push on your right shoulder that took your body forward, towards the table, and towards Chan.

"How rude you are" Jeongin rolled his eyes, and although deep down you knew he was doing it to tease you, your cheeks turned red. You felt your tongue heavy in your mouth as the seconds passed and you were unable to utter a single word.

"Leave her alone, Innie. It's pretty hot outside, isn't it?" Chan's deep voice brought you out of your trance and forced you to look him in the eyes. He had a sincere smile on his face and was watching you with raised eyebrows, letting you know that he was going to listen to you when you wanted to respond.

Your heart did a complete turn in your chest, you were surprised in the best of ways at how friendly he was, the vast majority of boys with his attractiveness made that their only personality trait but he was attentive and considerate of all the people around him, even with complete strangers who hadn't stopped looking or saying anything to him in three minutes.

"Yes...yes, it's horrible! And the air conditioning in my house is broken and you can't imagine how hot it is! I feel like I'm going to die one of these days" The words came tumbling out of your mouth, since you hadn't had the time to stop and think about what exactly you wanted to say, and your nerves were playing the worst trick of your entire life.

Chan laughed again (even his laugh was pretty) and he nodded his head, not at all scared or surprised with the lexical vomit you just made.

"It must be like torture, really. You must be tired from the walk under the sun, why don't you sit down for a bit? The boys and I were planning to watch a movie" The brunette softly kicked one of the stools that were stored under the table in your direction.

You nodded shyly and took the seat he offered you, right in front of him. You left your phone on the cold marble of the table and looked around the kitchen for your best friend, you'd been surprised by the fact that he hadn't gotten into the conversation for five minutes and to be honest you desperately needed to focus on something other than Chan's penetrating gaze you felt on your face.

"Innie?" You called out to him with a small shout, loud enough for him to hear you even if he'd gone into the garden.

After a few seconds, your friend's blonde head peeked out of the left door that led to the living room, and a mischievous smile appeared on his face. "I'm sorry! Since you two were talking, we decided to go prepare things for the movie."

Jeongin paused and looked at you evilly, a look that you knew very well and that didn't give you a good feeling at all "Chan, why don't you prepare something to eat? I bought some snacks today, come when you have everything ready~" And before you could protest, he disappeared from your sight again while laughing and yelling something at Hyunjin.

You immediately tensed up and cursed Jeongin in your mind, how dare he leave you alone with your newfound crush. If he was getting revenge for the time you tried to play matchmaker and failed then he was being very childish, that'd been years ago!

While the insulting thoughts against your best friend and all his ancestors accumulated in your brain, from the corner of your eye you watched as Chan got up from his seat and went to the counter where the mentioned snacks and bowls of colors were located, apparently the prankster you called your best friend had already prepared the trap before you even arrived.

You didn't want to look weirder than you already felt so with your limbs shaking and making even the slightest of movements difficult; you also got up from your seat and slowly approached where Chan was, you stood next to him (close enough for him to know that you were willing to help but far enough not to invade his personal space).

He looked at you briefly and smiled sideways, and didn't say anything as he gently pushed a bowl towards you. The task wasn't very complicated per se, but it did become extremely difficult when the only thing you could focus on were the large, veiny hands of the boy next to you, you hadn't realized how attractive it was to see a man opening packets of potato chips and arranging them in a small container until now.

"Jeongin said we go to the same university, do you study the same as him?" You were startled by the sudden interruption of silence, you turned to look at Chan after finishing preparing the bowl with the nachos.

"Yes, I mean, no. We share some classes because some subjects are correlative in each one's career but I could never do the same as Innie" You smiled shyly and shook your head.

"I study psychology," You finally said and looked at your companion, who had his eyes open and bright like a puppy's (how could it be possible for a person to be incredibly attractive and adorable at the same time? It would have to be illegal), and you wondered what it was that'd amazed him so much, there were millions of other people studying the same thing as you.

Without meaning to, you raised an eyebrow; studying his reaction. He laughed again (it was something he loved to do, apparently) and turned his entire body towards you, resting his left hip against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's incredible, the human mind is fascinating. I understand why you study that, for my part, I wouldn't read everything you have to read even if someone paid me."

You laughed loudly, infecting Chan as well. He was doing so with his whole body, his shoulders were shaking to the rhythm of his giggles and you could notice that, from time to time, a small squeak would appear in the sound of his laughter.

When the laughter died down, you looked at him again as you put the last bag of snacks in the cupboard in front of you.

"Yes, I mean, it's a lot to read but it's like you say. I'm interested in knowing the reason for behavior, and I would like to help people in the future. Mental health is something important" This last part came out in a whisper, you weren't used to revealing the reason for your career choice, most people told you that you should have chosen something that would make you rich in twenty years.

"That's incredible, I admire you a lot" Chan said in a soft voice, and you hadn't realized how close he'd gotten until you noticed the small touch of his fingers on your arm, the color quickly rose to your cheeks again and panic took over you, making you choke up when you spoke.

"Y-yes, thank you... not many think that way" And you moved your body away from his space; maybe a little abruptly but you were sure that if you continued in that position you were going to do or say something ridiculous, you couldn't trust your ability to reason at the moment.

Chan cleared his throat at your reaction and took two bowls in his hands, starting to walk towards the living room. You hadn't realized how loudly the other two boys were talking, were you so immersed in the situation to forget the outside world? Apparently yes.

"Are you done yet? The boys must be waiting" He stopped right in front of the door, waiting for you to take what you'd prepared.

You nodded softly, and after grabbing your preparations, you followed him into the living room.

You don't really remember what happened after that, you assume you watched the movies that the boys had already chosen before you arrived. You also don't remember if you had even paid attention, probably not, because you were very focused on keeping your breathing as normal as you could since unfortunately Hyunjin and Jeongin decided to each sit in an individual chair and by coincidence the only place left to sit was in the two-seat chair that your best friend's grandmother had given to his mother at her wedding, and conveniently Chan sat there too. So as the movie played on the screen, your heart raced with every accidental brush of your arms or legs against Chan's.

The only thing you remember clearly from that moment is that you couldn't help but look at his profile, trying to memorize every detail and every peculiarity of his expressions.

The rest of the summer felt like a haze, every time you made plans with Jeongin you knew Chan was going to be there. And that did nothing to dispel the feelings that were beginning to become more present with every minute you spent in his presence.

You liked him a little too much.

His kind nature and the way he treated everyone made you dizzy every time, but you were too shy to act on your feelings and unfortunately you weren't the only one who thought Chan was a good catch. Every now and then different girls approached him to ask him out, and although he always rejected them; you couldn't help but feel a little insecure about the situation. And there was also the small problem that he confessed to you one night in Hyunjin's garden: his last relationship had been somewhat toxic, and although it ended years ago, he was deeply hurt and didn't feel ready yet to fall for someone again.

That confession left a sour taste in your mouth, so you decided not to actively act on your feelings, you really didn't want to make Chan uncomfortable or force him into something he didn't want to do, let alone ruin the friendship you were building. But something as strong as love cannot be contained, and one sleepless night you found yourself scribbling in your notebook the things you wanted to say to him, the things you liked about him, and how he made you feel when you looked at him.

You weren't thinking when you left the first envelope on his desk, it was a completely impulsive decision that you regretted the moment you left his classroom. But when you turned around to go back and throw the letter into the trash, he already found it.

At first he didn't read them, you knew because you'd overheard when he mentioned it to Hyunjin during an outing the three of you made, Chan believed that one of his friends was playing a prank on him.

And that was the last straw that broke the camel's back, although you told yourself that you weren't going to write anymore letters for the sake of your friendship and your own feelings you had to let him know (even if anonymously) that he was someone worthy of love and that he wasn't what the people in his past made him believe he was.

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Once you arrived at the classroom (miraculously before the professor, you didn't think you could endure another lecture and there were still three more hours before leaving the university) you sat down in your respective seat by the window. The day was really beautiful, and from your place you could see the large patio where the entire student body went to relax between classes, it was your favorite place in the entire building and at this moment you wanted nothing more than to be leaning against a tree feeling the warm sunlight on your face.

"I'm not saying you have to tell him that but don't you think it's been too long already?" Jeongin didn't seem to want to drop the topic for today, he'd gotten up from his seat taking advantage of the fact that there was still no sign of the teacher and sat at your table, almost knocking all the things that were on top of it to the floor. You rested your head on the bench and waved a hand in the air, brushing it off in an attempt to say 'leave me alone already'.

Your best friend snorted exasperatedly, "You really are a special case, you've been in love with him for a year, for God's sake."

At the boy's aggressive tone of voice, you took your head off the table and looked at him with a frown. He looked back at you like he always did: challenging and forcing you to speak for yourself.

"It's not as easy as you say, Jeongin" You spat angrily.

"For all I know, if he finds out, he could throw my stupid letters in the trash and confessing would not only make me look weird but it would also ruin the friendship we have" You lowered your face, feeling a little sad "And the last thing I would like to do is lose him"

Jeongin’s expression softened as he realized the depth of your anxiety, and he reached out to place a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I get it, I really do. You don't want to jeopardize what you have but you deserve happiness too, you know? Maybe it's time to take a risk."

“I don’t even think I have a chance” You sighed, feeling defeated.

Jeongin moved closer and lowered his voice conspiratorially, "You may have more possibilities than you think, but sometimes you have to give destiny a little push."

You raised an eyebrow at his choice of words and just as you were about to question him further, the professor made an appearance in the classroom ordering everyone to take their respective seats and apologizing for the delay. Your best friend flashed you a bright smile with his trademark dimples and snuck over to his table, effectively ending the conversation and leaving you wondering what he meant for the rest of the day.

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If Jeongin's plan was for you to not sleep for a week, then he'd achieved it. His words had been spinning through your head like a whirlpool that seemed to have no end. You knew that he'd been friends with the brunette for a longer time than you, but were they close enough that the youngest knew the secrets inside Chan's heart?

Or was he giving you the advice that all friends gave to their other friends desperate to believe in the illusion that the person they like reciprocates their feelings? No, Jeongin wouldn't do that, he was too honest for his own good and besides you'd known each other longer (your mothers said you were born to be friends). So did that mean there really was a chance?

No, of course not, that was ridiculous.

You shook your head in an attempt to get rid of those thoughts as you rang the doorbell at Hyunjin's house. Your group had agreed to meet to study and you needed to have a clear mind, the exams were around the corner and you couldn't afford to keep your brain preoccupied thinking about something that would never happen.

The minutes passed slowly as you waited for the homeowner, and while you were thinking about ringing the doorbell again fearing that the boys inside hadn't heard you, the door suddenly opened, and nothing could have prepared you to see the person who has been living rent free in your mind, you knew he would be there, but you didn't expect to face him so quickly.

"Hey, you arrived just in time, Hyunjin's mom just brought us some drinks" Chan was his usual self, with his beautiful smile plastered on his face and his relaxed attitude.

You blinked once, twice, three times before you managed a small forced smile and responded, "Oh, great, thanks," and you stood there in silence, unable to look him in the eyes.

Chan tilted his head in silent question at your attitude, "Is everything okay?"

His concern for your well-being was evident in his voice and he struck a chord in your heart. You looked at him briefly, meeting his gaze for a fleeting moment and nodded, still struggling to find your voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You finally responded, trying to sound casual despite the jumble of emotions inside you.

Chan's friendly demeanor never wavered as he led you into the house, you followed him with a notable distance between your bodies and so when you arrived at the living room where the boys were already seated with open textbooks and a monstrous amount of things to eat you almost ran to sit next to Jeongin, an attitude that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, who looked at you with his eyebrows raised in a telepathic question.

Meanwhile, Chan didn't take his eyes off you as he sat next to Hyunjin on the couch in front of where you and your best friend were.

The afternoon went by slowly, too slowly for your liking, you'd gone with all the desire to study and get your mind out of the anxiety that was consuming you, but that attempt had been futile.

Although your gaze remained glued to your notes and your blue highlighter (which hadn't highlighted anything in the last hour, you'd read the same paragraph five times without getting a clue of what it was trying to say) you felt how two eyes were burning holes in your figure. The room was suffocatingly silent, and you were sure that your irregular breathing was evident to the entire group; your nerves were so on edge that when your best friend's voice filled the void you almost jumped in your place.

"I'm tired, how about we take a break?"Jeongin raised his arms towards the ceiling, stretching his back and then collapsing gracelessly against the soft cushions of the sofa.

Hyunjin nodded while massaging his neck, stiff after so many hours of looking down at his notes and reading "I thought no one was going to say it, I was going crazy."

Chan didn't say anything, he just closed his notebooks and imitated Jeongin in his relaxed pose against the couch. You felt out of place when the boys started chatting about meaningless things to lighten the atmosphere.

You only nodded when you felt your input was necessary, or laughed when you thought that was the reaction you should have but you didn't speak, because in fact, you weren't sure you were going to say anything coherent or at least make your voice louder than a whisper, so you decided that the best course of action was to stay quiet.

If the boys noticed it, they didn't say anything, and you couldn't be more grateful for it.

"You know" Chan interrupted the laughter of the other two boys after a not-so-funny story told by Hyunjin.

Everyone focused their attention on him, the tone of voice he'd used was more serious than his usual; so serious that it forced you to look up for the first time since the recess began and you found Chan's brown eyes looking directly at you, doing it so intensely that you thought he was staring right into your soul.

You held your breath, but you weren't prepared for what he said next.

"My secret admirer hasn't written to me in a few days" He was still looking at you, but there was something strange hidden in his irises, something you couldn't decipher.

Silence once again took over Hyunjin's living room, and the tension could be cut with a knife, it almost seemed like time had stopped when the brunette pronounced the last syllable. Your mouth felt dry, and your palms began to sweat. The weight of his words floated in the air and a thousand thoughts passed through your mind, each one more disconcerting than the last.

Hyunjin snorted, and looked maliciously at Chan "Maybe they are tired of you."

His mocking comment broke the heavy silence like thunder. Jeongin joined in with a playful smile, taking the opportunity to tease Chan mercilessly. “Maybe your secret admirer found someone else,” he joked, his tone light and teasing, “Or maybe they are just playing hard to get.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, wanting to burst while the boys laughed at Chan's expense while he, in response, rolled his eyes and smiled sarcastically at the jokes that his friends kept saying, he also looked at you from time to time making your discomfort even more evident.

You desperately searched for words to contribute to the conversation, your voice choked by the rising anxiety. But as Jeongin and Hyunjin's playful teasing continued, you remained silent, feeling like a bystander in a conversation that was becoming more cryptic by the second. Chan's gaze never left you, and despite the teasing, there was something in his eyes that betrayed a deeper understanding. His comment felt like a puzzle piece falling into place, yet you couldn't put your finger on what he truly knew.

As the laughter subsided, the room descended into an awkward silence once more, and then Chan finally spoke up, his tone more subdued than before. "Well, whoever it is," he began, his eyes still locked on yours, "I hope they know they've brightened my days with their letters."

The comment hung in the air, carrying a weight that seemed to pull everyone into its gravity. Jeongin and Hyunjin exchanged glances, their playful demeanor suddenly giving way to something more conspiracy.

You, on the other hand, felt an overwhelming mix of emotions. The anxiety that'd been building throughout the day reached a crescendo. You wanted to say something, to respond in some way, but the words caught in your throat.

Hyunjin broke the silence once more, this time with a touch of sincerity in his voice. "Whoever they are," he said, "they must really care about you, man." Jeongin nodded in agreement, and the room seemed to shift, it was a subtle transformation, but one that you couldn't help but notice.

Chan smiled, a genuine one that reached his eyes. "Yeah," he admitted, "They do mean a lot to me."

You desperately needed a moment to collect your thoughts and emotions after that serious conversation, so you mumbled something about getting a drink from the kitchen, excusing yourself with a weak smile and slowly, you retreated from the living room, the voices of the boys fading as you put some distance between you and the group.

In the dimly lit kitchen, you leaned against the countertop, your heart still racing from the tension in the room. The realization that Chan cherished those anonymous letters hit you like a ton of bricks. You'd never imagined how much they meant to him.

Just as you were lost in thought, the sound of footsteps behind you made you jump. You turned to find Chan standing there, a serious yet gentle expression on his face. His presence seemed to fill the room with warmth, and your anxiety ratcheted up another notch.

"Hey," he said softly, "You okay?"

You nodded, unable to form words an he took a step closer, his gaze never left yours.

Chan's brown eyes bore into yours, and for a moment, it felt like the world had frozen around you. You couldn't contain the thoughts racing through your mind any longer. With a trembling voice, you finally asked the question that'd been gnawing at you.

"Do you know who's been sending those letters?"

Chan's expression remained calm, but you could see a glimmer of something in his eyes, a hint of knowing. He didn't answer immediately, instead, he stepped closer, narrowing the distance between you.

His voice was soft as he replied, "I have a feeling I might have a clue."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you searched his face for more hints. What did he mean by 'a clue'? It was clear he was being deliberately vague, and it only added to your curiosity.

"But," he continued, "I'd like to hear it from you. Tell me, do you know who it is?"

You hesitated, the weight of the truth pressing down on you. The walls between you and Chan seemed to dissolve, and the vulnerability in his eyes was mirrored in your own. With a shaky breath, you summoned the courage to speak, your voice quivering with fear and anticipation.

"It's me."

The admission hung in the air, heavy and uncertain. You couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, your eyes locked on the floor as you waited for his reaction. The seconds felt like hours as you replayed all the letters, and the emotions you'd poured into them.

Chan's silence stretched, and the tension in the room became palpable. Your heart raced, and you feared the worst — rejection, awkwardness, or even laughter.

Then, he reached out, gently lifting your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look into his eyes. The warmth and kindness in his gaze melted away your fears.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice soft and sincere. "I've cherished every single one."

As tears welled up in your eyes, Chan reached out to gently wipe them away with his thumb. He pulled you into a comforting embrace, holding you close as your emotions overwhelmed you. You couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they flowed freely as you nestled into his embrace. He whispered soothing words, his voice a balm to your soul, reassuring you that everything would be okay.

After a moment of shared comfort, you pulled away slightly, looking up at him with curiosity. "But how did you know it was me?" you finally asked, your voice still trembling.

Chan smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face, a knowing twinkle in his eye, and replied, "I had my suspicions, especially after some of the things you wrote. But what really gave it away was your handwriting."

You blinked in surprise.

Handwriting? You hadn't considered that, no, haven't even thought about it when you started this a year ago, and to be honest you felt a little dumb.

Chan continued, "I recognized your handwriting from a birthday card you gave me a while back. It was similar to the writing in the letters. And then, well, I saw you looking at me during our hangouts, and it all just started to make sense."

You blushed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief. It seemed like you'd left more clues than you thought. But instead of feeling exposed, you felt a strange sense of comfort knowing that he'd noticed your feelings all along.

With a shy smile, you said, "I guess I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, am I?"

Chan chuckled softly. "No, but that's okay. I'm glad you told me."

As you gazed into Chan's eyes, you noticed something change in his expression. The initial surprise and curiosity gave way to a more tender, understanding look. He cupped your face gently, his touch warm and reassuring.

"You know," he began softly, "I've always appreciated those letters. They made me feel special, like someone out there truly understood me. And I never wanted to pressure you into revealing yourself," Chan continued. "I wanted you to do it when you were ready."

"I was just afraid," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Afraid of what you might think, of how it might change things between us."

Chan's thumb traced small circles on your cheek as he reassured you, "Don't be. This doesn't change how I feel about what we have. If anything, it makes it even more special."

A tear escaped from the corner of your eye, but this time, it wasn't a tear of anxiety or fear. It was a tear of relief, of happiness. You leaned into Chan's touch, and he leaned closer, his eyes locked on yours, and before you knew it, his lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss. The world seemed to melt away as your lips met his, you felt the warmth of his body against yours, and the sensation sent shivers down your spine. His hands cradled your face, holding you gently but firmly, as if he never wanted to let you go.

The taste of his lips was sweet and comforting, like a warm embrace on a cold winter's day, you could feel the steady beat of Chan's heart, matching the rhythm of your own. The world around you disappeared, and there was only the two of you.

And just as you were lost in that sweet moment, the kitchen door burst open, and in walked your friends, their playful banter filling the room while wearing grins so wide they threatened to split their faces. Jeongin couldn't help but tease you, waggling his eyebrows playfully. "Well, well, looks like someone finally got the courage to make a move!"

Hyunjin joined in with a mock-sympathetic tone. "And here we thought we'd have to wait another century for this to happen!"

You blushed furiously, pulling away from Chan who chuckled in amusement, still holding you close. "You guys have impeccable timing," he remarked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Jeongin winked at you, "Hey! We're just glad we won't have to hear you two mooning over each other anymore."

#stray kids fluff #bang chan fluff #bang chan x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz soft thoughts #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz fluff #stray kids x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #bri writes

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linkemon · 4 months

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Bokuto Koutaro headcanons

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi.

Other headcanons from this series can be found here.

• A relationship with Bokuto would be like a carousel. You feel like you're turning the wheel and you're accelerating but you don't quite realize that you're speeding up at that particular moment or that the fun ride has just ended.

• Bokuto has a wide circle of friends. His colorful personality attracts many people. That's why I think you would meet almost immediately after you went to Fukurodani. You'd be in first grade and he'd be a grade or two higher. You'd probably be standing with one of his mutual friends and he'd want to talk to him as he passed by. You wouldn't know yet what awaits you.

• When Koutaro falls in love, there is no mercy. You will know that he is in love with you. He will not leave any room for guesses and will make hearty eyes all the way. He himself would often recall your meeting as love at first sight but it would only be his point of view. Your infatuation would only come with time.

• You would get stuck in his head and he would think about you instead of focusing on volleyball during training. He would talk about you to Akaashi. [Reader] did this, did that and yesterday... Thi reminds me of [Reader]... I'd like to see [Reader] more often, do you think they finished school already... Just go on a date with her - Akaashi would finally say as a tired friend, to which Bokuto would say his idea is brilliant.

• Straightforward to a fault, he would come to you with this idea right away. In addition, you would be sitting surrounded by your friends during a break. You can bet people will be gossiping about it for the next week. It's not every day that a Fukurodani ace asks someone out on a date. However, it won't be any malicious gossip, the students will simply be curious about your relationship.

• You would agree to go out with him partially out of pressure because of his public confession. However, you would fall in love with the persistence with which Bokuto would strive for you. You would be incredibly spoiled. Koutaro would move incredibly nonchalantly through the phases of your relationship. Holding hands? Kiss on the cheek? A real kiss? You wouldn't even notice when it all happened because it all came as naturally as breathing.

• His moods are something you would have to deal with. You would officially gain him along with that one major flaw that would now become your problem. Are you not at the match? He probably won't give the 200% he would give if he were completely happy. It would get to the point where the coach would keep you on video camera during his worst slumps just to get him out of them. You do what you got to do to win I guess... Over time, Koutaro would start to explain to himself that he had to play well so that he could brag to you later, even if you couldn't attend some of the matches.

• Be ready for the frequent and loud: Hey, hey, hey, [Reader]! Your boyfriend has a loud voice and you won't silence him no matter how hard you try.

• You call him the baby owl. He loves it. He also has a lot of cute nicknames for you, the sweetness of which will rotten the teeth of many people around you.

• He has done many stupid things to show off to you throughout his life. Even as he grew older, it didn't change.

• His international volleyball career would be a bit of a problem. This would be the one big bone of contention between the two of you over the years. To such an extent that you would go through a breakup because of it. But not for long. Bokuto would miss an important match and come to you to apologize. Effusive and with great pomp, as he is. Flowers, glitter, serenade under the window and all that.

• After this situation, he would try anything so that you could travel the world with him. Fortunately, he came far enough in volleyball quickly so he's able to dictate the terms of his work. I think you would have to be able to work remotely for this to make sense. And if you didn't feel like working at all, he wouldn't blame you either.

• He would plan your engagement very quickly. Would he do it right after the Japan national team match, in front of all the fans and TV? Of course he would, because why not? You better agree, otherwise it would be a bit of a shame...

#bokuto kotarou #bokuto x reader #haikyuu x reader #headcanons #x reader #bokuto koutaro x reader #bokuto kotaro #haiykuu!!#haikyuu #akaashi keiji

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jmdbjk · 8 months

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Golden

Kookie had a runny nose. He said when he's just hanging out with nothing to do he's fine but as soon as things start ramping up and getting hectic, the cold that won't go away comes back. Jimin was on to something when he said he was concerned about Jungkook staying healthy with such a busy schedule.

As usual he has stayed true to himself and I admire that a person of his age can be so honest about himself.

He was trying to keep it real and said things to lower everyone's expectations: About writing songs, he said he can't really write songs. He said he just doesn't have it in him. He said when he tries it always ends up being about Army.

He wondered if it was because he was so simple. This is what makes me love him as just a human being: he says things about himself that WE might not agree with but that he feels about himself. He's just so honest and unpretentious, and he doesn't even try to be that, he just is himself.

He said he thinks he doesn't have the intellect and that he doesn't have anything to write about, and if he HAD things to write about, he couldn't say them prettily and that there are so many other talented creators that he would just fall short. He mentioned RM, Yoongi, Hobi... they are so talented.

It is understandable that Kookie, being last, he saw what the other members did, and truly, it had to be intimidating. He may never feel confident enough but I bet if he gives it a try he’ll do great.

All of what he said adds another nuance as to why he said “something amazing" is coming when he did that live back in March and Set Me Free Pt 2 was about to drop. He saw how hard Jimin worked through that process and the end result WAS amazing. Intimidating indeed.

Perhaps he still needs to live some life before he can have enough emotional baggage to pour out some lyrics (lol). Give it time, Kookie, life will throw some shit at you. Or maybe expressing whatever is inside of him will never come out in words to a song. And its ok. Not everyone is a songwriter or poet.

I can accept this album as "this is where he is in his life right now". He said they worked fast. That's a lot to accomplish in the amount of time from start to finish.

My thoughts on the songs...

The lyrics to several of these songs are a little ... meh..., sort of disconnected. THAT BEING SAID... I can see some lyrics that probably did resonate with him.

But I am not going to focus so much on the lyrics but more on JK's vocal work and think about how he was trying to sing and pronounce well. THAT is what he was trying to do. He said lyrics are lyrics and images are images... they are not meant to be autobiographical so the lyrics will be secondary to the vocal production for me.

Jungkook explained that the pronunciation was a challenge. The producers each had their own idea of how the lyrics should be delivered to achieve the color of the song. English not being JK's first language, he was coached on what to do in the studio. He said especially pronouncing the "EEE" sound was a challenge.

I recognize some sounds that seem trendy. Some of the songs remind me of other songs I've heard in the past by other artists.

Closer has that flute and Afro beat that reminds me of another song but I just can't remember it right now.

Standing Next to You is giving me Michael Jackson Rock With You from his Off the Wall album or Remember the Time off his Dangerous album. A rockin' groove... "... when it's deep like DNA..." and "leave your body golden like the sun and the moon..." yes, those lyrics definitely resonate.

Yes or No, I can definitely hear the Ed Sheeran throughout that song. A nice song about that first thrill of love. Ed Sheeran is a great song writer. I've always liked his work.

Please Don't Change would probably be the song that comes closest to expressing how Jungkook feels about his fans. Though his life has been spent on camera, things might change and if he's no longer on camera, he'll still be the same but he hopes we please don't change. This song also has the same little flute sound as Closer.

Hate You. This is the Shawn Mendes song. It is one of those angsty relationship songs that are popular now like what Olivia Rodrigo and her ilk does. If Jungkook had not gotten this song, I could see it easily going to a female artist. It's quite painful. Kookie does a great job expressing the tragic drama of it all with his vocals.

Somebody is where he really lets loose with his range. Its a sad song. Like many, his opening lines had me doing a double take. I don't think we've ever heard Jungkook sing in this tone before? Very nice.

Too Sad To Dance. This is the kind of song I think Jungkook could write. It is simple and straightforward. The song is cute and poignant at the same time. He was able to keep his tone simple to match the vibe, he didn’t try to make it over the top… I love this song especially the very last line: "...you don't need no one to dance..." Stand on your own and be yourself, just like Kookie is doing.

Shot Glass Full of Tears is the best song on the album. There, I said it. He really reached down and brought JUST enough edge into his voice to pull it off. I could actually get emotional over this song. I will repeat, this is the best song on the album.

Well done, Jungkook.

Overall, Kookie is relieved the pressure is off. Now he can get out there and do what he’s knows he can do and that’s performing

And then he said it again: BTS is the most important thing to him.

Kookie knew he had to do this album. And now he's done it and ready to move forward.

When he finally realized Tae had commented:

The panic over his house not being clean hahahahahah!

Because he wasn't sure what kind of chaos they were going to bring to his house, Kookie ended the live in a stress-clean panic.

My, what a turn of events... not long ago he was laying in bed naked causing mayhem trying to convince Jimin to let him come over and take a shower and now here they come to his house bringing trouble LMAO!

I hope they had a great evening together. I loved seeing Tae and Jimin out and about, it really hits a spot in my heart.

A little while ago, I picked up a copy of Golden at Target, I don't know which photo card is the Target exclusive but this is what I got:

It's a nice package with a hard cover photo book and a case it slides into. The stickers are nice. Jungkook was wearing an earring with the that motif so I suppose it will show up as merch on the Weverse shop soon.

Anyway, that's my review of Golden.

#jungkook golden #vmin #vminkook #jimin #taehyung

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cohenhyy · 1 month

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Adopting Whore Woman : ̗̀➛ H. Rindou

summary: That night the whole life of y/n became miserable his client kyoko offer became nanny of his daughter but when her arrived on club she saw Rindou Haitani the handsome and rude jellyfish who shamelessly kissed her in front of many people.

CONTENT WARNING: noncon, possessiveness, humiliation, object penetration, cursing, mention of blood, crimes, death, mention of illegal gambling, virginity loss, cheating, explicit sexual content, detailed smut, traumatic events, fully angst, threesome (?), dark themes. This is a warning for each chapter of this story. MINOR DNI

A/n: If you're not comfortable with my story just leave and do not read it.

REMINDER: if you have encountered the same scenario, lines either titles on other story's on my books it is just coincidence.

this is purely fiction do not romanticize any action in this story.

English is not my first language writing is continuous growth. I'm young and still learning how to write (or type) properly so please bear with me. I'm trying to do a better upcoming story.

pairings: rindou x you

Prologue

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ೃ⁀➷

╰┈➤When else did it fool him? Has it been a long time? Then he found out this morning that he was confused and a man added to their cafeteria who rudely kissed him on the lips in front of many people.

She could still remember the feeling of his lips against her. That man was a good kisser. She will bet her life on it. It was just a simple kiss that made her body heat up, and she couldn't stop it from coming out of her mouth when it put her tongue inside her mouth.

"Rindou, more to come," Sanzu yelled. "Haruchiyo, take a photo while they are undressing and fuck her boobs while they are bouncing." Bonten are laughing as his prostitute.

"Please don't, and please forgive me," Sanzu smirks. "Idiot, forgive you! Ran, give me my katana now!" a girl yelled.

"Somebody! Help me! I don't want to die! Please save me!" Rindou gazed at her and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight sweetie I love you."

Sanzu continually knifed the woman who worked at the tavern. Rindou returned home, but he passed by another tavern. A woman approached him, and another prostitute made an offer. Rindou instantly turned around and chose the woman wearing jeans and a large shirt.

He made her smile and gave. the boss 40 million yen, stating that he would not return the woman he had purchased, and from that day forward, he promised that this woman would serve him for the rest of his life.

"Baby, wanna fuck tonight?" the female asked. "Uhm, sure." This woman is afraid because she knows Rindou. After all, they are regularly reported on television as Japan's worst criminal organization.

"Are you scared?" The woman did not say anything since she was already trembling from the dread that it would kill her and from watching the news.

"Oh, you're trembling. Don't be frightened of me; I'm kind, you know." The girl smiled at him.

Heritage Hotel

"Wow, this is amazing." The woman was amazed as she looked at the hotel when they entered the elevator. She didn't think that Rindou put her hand inside her t-shirt and at the same time rubbed her breasts and ate her lips.

"I want you to make me happy tonight because otherwise, I will kill you." She nodded. " I will do my best Mr. Haitani." He smirks.

"That's what I want from a woman who fights, especially in bed, even though you're a prostitute woman, you can't help but wonder that you have a lot of sex with men." The woman shook his head and looked at Rindou.

"No, Mr. Haitani. It's my first time working here, that's why I look like this." Rindou touched the woman's cheek and said that.

"Fuck I am lucky because tonight your virginity will be mine. Promise me that no one else can make fuck of you except me, because when I find out I will kill you." The girl smirks. "If I catch you I will kill you too." Rindou smiles.

"If you can, baby, But you must handle this my cock tonight." I nodded. "Sure." When they entered room 69, Rindou smiled.

"69? Does it signify that all sex positions we will do?" He is thinking. "Uhm okay, I can do it."

Rindou first asked what the woman's name was and she answered immediately.

"I am Y/n, L/n." Rindou smiles.

"Then how old are you Miss Y/n?" She replied. "I am 21 years old, Mr. Haitani may I request?"

"What's that honey?" I replied. "I need to be able to study but the tuition fee is 40 thousand yen, I will do everything." He smirks.

"Yes of course, but I have a favor." Y/n is still trembling with fear because he might ask her to kill someone. "You just have to follow everything I tell you, is it clear Miss y/n?" I nod.

"Sure, Mr. Haitani." He pulled out the gun and pointed it at my head.

"Don't call me Mr. Haitani, I feel lust when you call me that." I sobbing. "I am scared." He laid me on the bed and started undressing me.

"It's annoying your jeans, how can I insert my cock." I apologize. "hehe sorry." He started eating my breasts while one of his hands rubbed my other breast.

I moaning. "Uhmm..it's good fuck.." Rindou laughed. "It's like I'm just eating your breasts, you moaning haha fuck." I shy slightly.

"Sorry." While he was eating my breasts, he took off my panties and insert two fingers in my hole and play my clit using his tongue at the same time and my legs were shaking because of the lust I was feeling.

"Ahhh..Ummm..Ahhh..Ohhhh.Make it faster... R-rin..fuck... it's good not there...Ouch..b-be careful ughhhh.." Rindou smiled.

"It's nice when you moan." My cheeks turned red when he said that I was a little embarrassed because it was my first, He took out his cock and my eyes widened because Rindou's dick is so big.

"What's wrong baby? your eyes widened." This is embarrassing. "It's embarrassing to ask but how many inches is your dick?" He laughed and whispered. "7 inches baby." I shocked.

I was just stunned when he said that his cock was 7 inches. "I never thought a criminal like you would have a big dick." He smirks.

"I'm not a gentleman when I insert my cock into the ones I've fucked." I don't know what I'm going to do because I'm sure when he inserts it into me my pussy will probably be torn and I won't be able to walk properly.

"Maybe I can continue to suck your nipples?" I nod. "Uhm Yeah." He continued to ate my breasts until he suddenly entered his cock in my pussy and I cried and hugged him very tightly and screamed in pain.

"Ouch Rindou, Be careful, I am sensitive." He apologizes. "Sorry baby, That pain will also go away when I continue to fuck you."

He continued his fucking while he was fucking me he ate my nipples and played with his tongue which made my growl louder all night nothing could be heard in the room but my growl every time Rindou's cock entered my hole I shouted the name he and while he was thrilled with what he was doing.

I moaned. "Miss Y/n cumming." He started fucking me and made my eyes squint because I was so horny. He told me that while he was fucking me, I was supposed to roll my clitoris so that I would be even more lust, so I did it immediately, my whole body was shaking because of the heat I feel in my body I feel my sweat, Rindou, on the other hand, has already ejaculated and shot in my face while lying on my chest we are both welding weakly as we did.

"I'm weak tonight, you're so good Y/n." I smiled. "You too Rindou." While he was talking he was sucking my breast like a baby.

"Love, can you cook for me tomorrow? I'll leave you tomorrow because I have a mission and I'll be gone in two days so be ready when I arrive." I nodded.

"Sure Love hehe." He is still sucking my nipples and he is holding one of his hands on my breast. I am looking at him.

He is very handsome. Is it true that he treats me better?

"I love you Y/n." I hugged him tightly. "I love you too, Rindou." But Y/n doubt this purple hair man.

chapter 1

#tokyorev #bonten #tokyo revengers smut #rindo haitani #ran haitani #rindou haitani smut #haitani rindou x reader #rindou smut #tokyo rev fluff #bonten x reader

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bo0tleg · 4 months

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MY FRIENDS REACTION TO THE TOP GUN (1986) REACTION POST

In case you don't know what I'm talking about: I made a post a while ago of gems my friend said whilst watching Top Gun (1986) for the first time. I showed her the post, and she created even more gems about Top Gun derived from what she said originally! I'd suggest you read the other post, because some are references to prior gems. Enjoy!

"TOM CRUISE IS OLD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?"

"I said that? Jesus, I have the memory of a fish." (About: "Did he really need to be in his underwear for this conversation?")

"I DID COMMENT ON THE VOLLEYBALL SCENE!" "I distinctly remember laughing about you not saying anything." "I said 'Ah yes, the hetero scene that actually looks really gay.' Because it does. How the fuck are you gonna play sports looking like a hot piece of ass without looking gay? You're not supposed to be hot! Especially in volleyball. Why did they choose volleyball to make them look hot? You're supposed to slap that fucking ball, not be like 'hahaha look at me, I'm so dainty and pretty.' THAT'S GAY!"

"I'm only stating the obvious, these people should already know this."

"Iceman is the gayest in the entire movie."

"No! Actually, it's his plane buddy. His plane buddy is the gayest." "... Mind telling me why?" "He always says that he has a hard on."

"OH MY GOD THEY COULD BE EXES! It's not possible he always has a hard on. I KNOW IT'S AN EXPRESSION IN THE UNITED STATES BUT IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. They've definitely hooked up. Not in the movie, I think it was before he met Maverick, but there's no doubt."

"You wouldn't say that you have a hard on to just anyone."

"And I didn't even look anything up, I just watched the movie."

"I don't think it's possible to surpass the gayness in Top Gun."

(Upon being informed that Slider was not, in fact, the one with the hard on) "HE'S NOT? Oh, then it has nothing to do with Iceman. But I still think that they (Hollywolf) had something, that's the dynamic that I got the gay vibe from."

"I bet both of the actors are blond, or whatever." (shakes head) "I don't give a shit."

"It's not my fault the NPC's look like the protagonist!"

(Scrolling through the Icemav tag on tumblr) "There's a lot of fanart. A lot of fanart of them making out."

"Only the superiors aren't gay in this movie."

"Making out in a corner, having a fling with the best friend, there's definitely one of those somewhere in the middle."

"Oh look! More fanart of them making out."

"Even the handsome guy that seems like a protagonist but is actually an NPC looks gay! He has that gay vibe, I don't know." (Reminder: This a reference to the phrase "He's to handsome to be a rando!" This man had like 2 minutes of screen time on the Enterprise at the start of the movie, and a little at the end during the Layton Rescue. 2 min might be an exaggeration.)

BONUS: Reaction to Quentin Tarantino discussing Top Gun in "Sleep With Me" (1994)

(Silence for 30 seconds) "I... agree with everything he said... but I'm in shock."

I never... thought a straight man would say so much gay shit in three minutes.... but he's right."

"That part where he says about the girl, Maverick's chick, dressing up like a guy, I hadn't noticed. He's a genius."

"When he says 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' I don't know if he was crazy, high or hallucinating."

"Them screaming 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' looked like they were on crack. And they were just talking about a movie."

"If a military movie ever happens to be openly gay, it'll become a whore house."

"And the worst part is that he convinced the dude! My guy just watched Top Gun for fun..."

EXTRAS (The original language all of the phrases were said in was Portuguese. I had to translate all of them. You're welcome.):

"How am I going to translate 'Puteiro'?" "Aren't there any prostitutes in the United States?" (I went with "Whore House")

"How am I going to translate 'se pegaram'?" "There's a word for it in English, I forgot it.... eeeehhhh" "Hooked up?" "I meant to say that they fucked, but sure." "'Hooked up' can mean sex." "It can? Great, use that then!"

"How many phrases are there? I'm scared. I don't remember the atrocities I said."

My friend, who fueled this entire post: @annonimouslesbian

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timebones · 7 months

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TBH it makes sense that the Doctor is kind of clunky with gender, because they’re learning about it primarily through contact with the English language.

Like, forget alien cultures/languages for a second. Half of my actual, human family speaks a language that doesn’t have gendered pronouns, and they’re VERY clunky with gender in English. They mix up everyone’s pronouns (usually gender-conforming cis people!) all the time, because they never had to keep track of that in their native language. They’ll regularly flip between “she” and “he” even for macho bearded dudes, or high-femme ladies, as if they’re picking the word at random.

Growing up around that makes you really notice how fucking weird English is.

In English,* my gender is immediately everyone else’s business — one of the first things they’ll learn in order to even start talking about me. On top of that, they have to keep subconsciously reminding themselves of it over and over… something native English speakers only realize we’re doing when we meet ESL speakers who don’t do it.

And again, that happens even for gender-conforming cis people. Transphobes might think these people have “simple” genders, but even their genders require a lot of mental work in the background. Native English speakers are just oblivious to that mental workload, because we’ve had to do it all our lives.

And that sucks on multiple levels! It put way more pressure on me when I was starting to explore my own gender. Plus, it automatically makes gender one of the most prominent, memorable features about a person (because English is forcing you to memorize it), which is… not ideal. Having a gender is one thing, but this extreme focus on other people’s genders is a language-specific thing.

When transphobes complain about how annoying it is to keep track of people’s genders, they’re sort of onto something, but they’re putting the blame in the wrong spot. It’s not trans people making them do that. It’s this weird, invasive feature of the English language.

So anyway, if many human languages don’t do this, I bet most alien languages don’t either.** The Doctor does try to get things right in English, but it’s tough to do that when English is paying attention to something you don’t normally need to pay attention to.

Some of my relatives try to juice their accuracy by really overcompensating and over-emphasizing gender, to the point of stereotype. Whenever the Doctor makes a big deal about women being Like This or men being Like That, I see that same compensating behavior. They’re trying to make English make sense.

*and other languages with gendered pronouns

**the human languages that gender pronouns tend to share lineages with each other, similar to languages that gender their nouns. If history had unfolded slightly differently, this feature could very easily have gone extinct or never developed.

#the star beast #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #doctor who meta #fourteenth doctor #twelfth doctor #missy doctor who #doctor who headcanon

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katrin-may · 1 year

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defective

CW: reader na'vi x neteyam, fluff, cuddles, cute nicknames, little kisses.

TW:.blood, meat, carnage, self-loathing, tears.

A/N Hi honeypie's! it turned out quite a lot this time, but I think it's pretty similar to my previous work. I really want to consult with you and hear your opinions as well as suggestions. I would be very happy to see your ideas, enjoy reading everyone! Also, I won't forget to remind you: English is not my first language, so there may be spelling errors. Thank you!🥰

- I bet you can't kill any of them," L'oak asked suddenly, and his eyebrows rose, sliding back and forth between you and the animal. You were sitting in a tree.

- What?" You raised your eyebrows in surprise and stared at your friend. - I'd better let you go ahead.

- Weak girl, I get it," the guy rolled his eyes.

- Go to hell," you jerked his shoulder, and then stared at the group of Hexapede.

- What if I told the Neteyam how you feel? - My heart started pounding again.

- I don't have time to fool around," you said without looking away.

- You're boring," L'oak leaned back on the branch and closed his eyes on his chest, his arms crossed grudgingly. A tanator came into view. That gave you something to worry about.

- Look who's here," you began rubbing your friend's knee, and he stood up when he saw the wary creatures.

Thanator was pacing beside the Hexapede beasts, intent on attack.

- Prepare to retreat, on one... Two... - Before you could finish your sentence, L'oak burst out of his seat and launched himself at the herbivores. - What the hell are you doing?

- Getting lunch! - His friend shouted back merrily. He climbed up the hexapod and rode it like a Direhorse The lad had removed his knife from his belt and was about to sink it into his throat. L'oak didn't notice the predator until the herbivores were gone, and the one he had saddled abruptly dropped the lad and joined his group. Saliva flowed thickly from the beast's mouth, watering Na'vi like a bucket.

- Shit. We need backup, now! - Calling for help, you went downstairs.

- Good tanator... Good... - the guy laughed nervously and raised his hands in front of him. The animal was an inch from L'oak's face and he regarded it. Then you saved the boy and put him on the run.

- You fool! - You ran through the foliage, trying not to touch the animal. - I told you not to be a fool! - You ran as fast as you could, but it was hard to outrun the thanator, and when you came to a bend you hit a dead end. Waterfall. Without thinking, you pushed your friend into it, and you remained standing on the ground. The consequences were not long in coming. The predator jumped on you. You tried to push it away, but to no avail. The tanator began to scratch your body, leaving deep marks. You screamed and cried. The next clawed paw struck your arm, then your legs, and then your face. That was it. Blood became critically lacking. You could no longer breathe properly. It was the end. He sank his teeth into your shoulder, a punch followed, and your body fell. Your vision is blurred, but you recognize Netheyam's silhouette from a thousand.

It is dark. The light was barely visible. You opened your eyes, looking around, you realized you were in a room, and not alone. There was a guy sitting next to you, making your heart skip a beat. He was asleep.

- Am I in heaven? - You whispered, examining him. The man's ear hissed, his eyes opened. Did you notice that you're covered in bandages? And your hand resting in your friend's hand.

- Y/N?! Oh, holy Eywa, thank you! - There were tears in the corners of Neteyam's eyes.

- How did I even survive? How long had I slept? Where is L'oak, is he all right? - You tried to rise to a sitting position but Neteyam's arms stopped you, gently pulling you back to your previous position.

- Don't make any sudden movements yet," he said as he gently placed his hand on your head. - In any case. It's been two weeks, L'oak is perfectly healthy, he told us everything as it was and his father put him under house arrest," your eyes widened and you began to breathe heavily, the boy noticing your unease and beginning to stroke your hair.

- Two weeks? Like two weeks," you seemed oblivious to what your friend had said about L'oak.

- Oh, it's all right. It's all right now that you've finally recovered, well, almost..." He pursed his lips and looked at me. - He pressed his lips together and looked at your feet.

- What?" You raised your eyebrows to the bridge of your nose, and your eyes quickly darted upward. Neteyam's presence confused you, and you didn't even pay attention to your condition. You looked around, and this time the following view opened before your eyes: in addition to the bandages, you noticed the absence of a very important detail: your right leg. - My leg! Where is it? - You sat up abruptly and began to cry. Your gaze fell on your hands, which now had seven fingers instead of eight.

Then you ran to the bucket of water and saw your reflection, which showed a huge scar across your face. - Goddamn it! - You sobbed again, it was hysterical. Neteyam tried to calm you down, but apparently all his verbal attempts were unsuccessful. He took your hands, sat across from you, and stared intently into your eyes.

- Look at me," he ordered, trying hard to see your tear-stained eyes. - On the count of three, take a deep breath in and out. One... Two... Three," he took a deep breath, waiting for you to exhale.

You overcame yourself and repeated after him. - That's it! Well done! - You made him smile. - Now one more time," you both repeated two more times, and he brought you to your senses. - You're good!

- Thank you... But what am I supposed to do with this now? - You pointed at your leg and then looked at your friend again.

- With the help of human technology we were able to develop some kind of prosthesis. Oh shit! I completely forgot, I'll be right there.

A few minutes later Mo'at and Kiri appeared in the room.

- Petal! - That's what Kiri called you and she ran up and took your hand. - How happy I am to see you!

- How am I! - You smiled at the girls.

- How are you feeling? - Mo'at asked, while she was doing something on the table.

- Incomplete," you were still looking at your leg. Kiri decided to help your grandmother and made you some herbal tea, but it didn't smell quite right and you grimaced.

- Drink it! - you decided after all your disgust. Your intuition was right, the tea was indeed disgusting.

- How did I manage to survive?

- Only Eywa knows, but our powers were not superfluous," the woman finished the ointment and walked over to you with it. Kiri helped untangle you from the bandages, and you noticed the claw scars all over your body, it was obvious. The girls' gentle hands applied the cold ointment to your body and began rubbing it into the marks. - It didn't hurt?

- Not really, it just tickles," you grinned. Kiri was very pleased with your reaction and couldn't help but smile. - What happened after my rescue?

- Neteyam brought you in covered in blood, you weren't breathing, but we managed to get you back. In the end, the only thing we couldn't save was your severed finger and your severed leg. And the scars didn't go away. - The last drop got on your face. Your eyebrows furrowed in surprise, and then you ran your hand over your face and felt some dents, forgetting that your face wasn't clean either. - Hey! Don't touch that! - The woman slapped you on the arm and continued.

- I don't know how to thank you, a simple thank you isn't enough," tears came to her eyes, Kiri noticed it and quickly wiped them away.

- All that matters to us is that you're okay," the girl kissed the top of your head. You smiled.

- When can I go back to my old way of life?

- It will take another week or so, besides the adjustment to your new way of life," Mo'at pulled away from you and stood up. - We'll bring you some supper and you get your thoughts together.

The woman left, and you and Kiri were left alone. You chatted about all sorts of things that had happened over the past two weeks, but nothing serious had happened. Kiri's grandmother brought you dinner, you ate quickly, and then Neteyam showed up at the door.

- Oh, you're having dinner here, bon appetit! - The guy smiled and then sat down next to you.

- Where are you going? - You asked, looking at the huge bag in his hands.

- I'll show you," he unfolded the paper, and from it you saw what appeared to be an iron prosthesis. - This is what I was talking about! - smiling, the boy looked at the leg. It wasn't just gray-iron, it was blue with dark blue stripes.

- It's just incredible! - You sat down closer to Neteyam and ran your hand over his leg.

- Ah, that," he said embarrassed, "I thought it might make you feel more comfortable," you blushed.

- That's very sweet, thank you," you kissed him on the cheek and went back to your previous position.

- Of course," he coughed and smiled. - Let me try it on," you nodded, and he brought his leg up to your thigh. After a while, he managed to attach it to your leg. - How was it? - You were embarrassedly silent for a while, but then you answered.

- Well... - he didn't understand your reaction until he noticed he was holding you by your hips. He abruptly jumped back, and you and Kiri smiled.

- Ahem, excuse me.

- Shall we try to stand up?

- Let's try," Kiri and Neteyam stood up and lifted you under your arms. You could barely stand, but thanks to the support of your friends, you kept your balance. - That's good! Let's try walking," the boy said and moved quietly forward. You could push off the surface but your prosthesis wouldn't listen and you couldn't walk forward. - I don't think everyone can do it the first time, but you're good enough! - They led you in. Mo'at burst into the room.

- Kiri! Come here, we have a wounded man," the woman glanced around the room.

- Yes, I'm coming! Bye, petal! I'll be back for you tonight," Kiri threw on her bag, you waved back and she ran off after her grandmother.

You and Neteyam were left alone. He decided to spice up the awkward silence by telling you about the capabilities of your prosthesis. It's getting dark.

- I'd like to check on L'oak," you yawned.

- I'll speak to father about it, don't worry," you smiled at each other, then grasped his arm.

- Don't leave me alone for the night.

- But can I stay? - He squeezed your palm.

- Your parents will understand, Kiri will probably explain," you pleaded, placing your hand, the one with three fingers, on top of his. Remembering your peculiarity, you jerked it away sharply. But Neteyam caught it before you could.

- Are you ashamed of her? - You nodded, but he was not satisfied with your answer. He brought your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Then he kissed every phalanx of your fingers, and then he moved on to your face. First your nose, then your chin, your forehead, both cheeks, but he didn't dare cross the line, and your lips remained untouched. - You are beautiful, whatever you are," he intertwined both his hands with yours.

- Neteyam... - Tears came to your eyes. You were very touched by his words and actions. You began to cry. This reaction really surprised the guy and threw him into a stupor.

- What happened? - You didn't say anything and just hugged him. He hugged you back and soothingly stroked your hair.

- You're so cute, you're so damn cute, how can you be like that! Why are you so," you sobbed into his chest, and the guy, in turn, was even more confused. You don't know what this sudden and fickle mood had to do with it. - How much I love you," you said, and continued to shed tears. End of the line. The boy's brain exploded.

- "You... are you... are you serious? - Neteyam pulled you away from his chest and looked into your weeping eyes, simultaneously wiping away the remains of tears on your cheeks. You nodded. - No, wait, as a friend, right? - You continued to sit in silence. Silence is a sign of agreement. The boy smiled softly and pulled you to his chest again. - I love you too, little flower. - You immediately feel better. - Let's not be in a hurry, okay?

- Let's take it slow, okay? Sure. - He kissed the top of your head.

- How are you feeling?

- Actually, your body still burns a little when you touch it, but it's bearable. Oh, and it's still hard for me to sit up.

- Oh, that's right! - You disconnect, and he starts to adjust your sleeper. - Well, here it is! Lie down, my lady," you laughed and lay down. He's on his back and you're on his chest, though he expected you to be on his right, but that was okay too.

- Tell me about your two weeks.

- Well," Neteyam rubbed his forehead and wondered. - It wasn't really as eventful as you think. - He looked at you. - I've spent them here with you, running errands for my father from time to time. To see you in your usual state is an incredible happiness to me.

- And to be near you is true happiness for me.

#neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader #neteyam imagine #neteyam fluff #neteyam fic #neteyam #avatar #atwow imagines #atwow

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mybworlds · 6 months

Text

Chapter 7: Routine

Pairing: The Hound x Sansa Stark

Summary: As their journey continues, they will discover that slowly their relationship is beginning to change -- perhaps.

Chapter Warnings: language, use of pet names

Masterlist

Before to start... thank you to follow me, if you want to be tagged in the next chapters, please let me know! if you want to ask me smt, you can write down here or you can inbox me. Please remember English is not my first language.

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

Sansa was silent for a long time, straining to remember what she had done or said: she tried to justify his behavior. She knew for sure that he didn't touch her: if he did, she thought, he would surely have reminded her or turned her some ambiguous phrases to make her uncomfortable.

Instead, the Hound looked particularly grim and blurted out for everything.

The Sun painted the surrounding hills as Sansa and the Hound walked through another forest, over there air was cool and there was no particular noise except that of the pristine nature around them.

"It's beautiful here," she said with a small smile, "What is this place?"

"A friggin' forest, a friggin' forest, they're all the same as each other," he replied, taking his canteen and drinking.

"Wine?" she asked, turning her head toward him.

"Yes, would you like it?" he asked handing his the canteen, she wrinkled her nose and looked ahead.

"No, thank you. My head hurts too much." she replied as she turned to him and looked at the landscape that offered itself to their view.

He chuckled "I had my first drunk when I was twelve, I had made a bet with a pig warden." he told her, sketching a smile.

"Really?" she asked in amazement.

"Yeah."

"How were you as a child?" she asked curiously.

"Silent." he replied admonishing her "What is this question? Courtesy question? Or something else?"

"No, I mean, if we're going to get to Winterfell, we should get to know each other, don't you think."

"No." he replied abruptly.

"Why are you so…unwilling to talk about you and your past? I only asked you about your childhood! You must have been a child, right?" she tried to deepen.

"I've forgotten who I was like!" he told her. And it was true in part.

"Because of your brother?" she had the audacity to ask him even though she dared not look at his expression.

He shook his head; he didn't like to talk about that part of his life. Indeed, the less he remembered about it, the better he was: his childhood was linked with so many painful memories. He didn't want to talk about it!

"What was your mother's name?" she asked him, retrying after a while to talk to him.

Sandor huffed, "What does it matter?"

"Mine is called Catelyn. She is one of the strongest and proudest women I know, when I grow up I hope to be like her." she told.

"I hear your mother is holding that damned Lannister captive who thinks he's above everyone! May the Underworld take him!" Sandor spoke bitterly.

Sansa smiled, "I know. She's showing such courage."

"So are you, little bird, so are you," he added, making her turn her head toward him and make their eyes meet.

That clear sky soon gave way to rain and the two were forced to stop again.

They reached a small inn where Sansa ate stewed meat with vegetables and drank a lot of water, she would not be drinking wine again for certainly not anytime soon.

She promised herself.

Sandor, on the other hand, ate and drank to satisfaction, he was so drunk that at one point he almost dropped the glass from his hands and that was when Sansa stopped him: it had never happened that a woman managed to stop him, but she must have had some strange power over him because strangely he did not attack her, indeed when she told him to go to sleep, he let himself be guided to the room that Sansa had previously requested for them. The man leaned on the little girl who was barely holding him because of his size and let her guide him up the dusty, creaking steps, his head aching more than usual.

The two entered a small room that was old and smelled musty, Sansa sat the Hound on the bed that creaked under his weight, then the young woman went to the small window and opened it. Fresh air flooded the room that probably hadn't been opened in years, and Sansa felt better, rested her palms on the small windowsill and closed her eyes, breathing in the crisp air that filled her nostrils and gently moved her hair.

Who knows if it was snowing in Winterfell, if the wolves were howling and running through the woods, she opened her eyes and watched the sky grow darker and darker, then she looked in again and saw the Hound lying on his side, the features of the healthy half of his face were relaxed and for a moment it seemed to Sansa that for real she had a man just a little older than she was and not someone forty!

She was tempted to move his black hair that was falling over his face, but she preferred not to touch him, not to disturb his sleep, and so she made to lie down beside him on the other side of the bed: it barely squeaked under the slight weight of the young Stark and she only at that instant realized that she was lying with a man, she flushed. He was drunk yes, sleeping it is true, but he was a man!

What would her mother or her septa have said if they had seen that she, Sansa Stark of Winterfell, was lying with a man who was not her husband and who moreover had been in the service of the Lannisters?

But then she recalled that they had almost certainly slept together the night before as well, and her heart missed a beat and then galloped off again.

"You can lie down, I won't hurt you."

The Hound reassured her, at least in words, about his intentions, but Sansa continued to feel that state of deep shame. She squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hands to her chest, then relented and lay back, her head turned away. The Hound was too drunk to even think about touching the little bird, but even if he had, it would not have been to hurt her: he wouldn't laid a finger on her.

He was making that journey for the purpose of bringing her back to her nest; he would never break her wings to satisfy his desire, ever.

The next morning the two set off again, their relationship was changing, it was now clear.

A strange routine had developed: they ride for several hours, then Sandor goes off to find some berries or a hare while she lights a fire or satisfies personal impulses, then after they had eaten their simple meal, Sandor helps her get back on Stranger and then continue riding, Sandor holds the reins and she keeps her hands on his or she holds Stranger's reins and he covers her hands with his own.

It was a bit strange that relationship, but in Sansa's eyes it was beautiful, simple and less frightening as the days went by, in Sandor's eyes magnificent because for the first time he was sharing something simple with someone.

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nuatthebeach · 1 year

Text

come let's walk for miles

thanks @narukoibito for giving me the prompt "don't go. stay." and just encouraging me to pop out of my shell and post again! i had so much fun writing this drabble!

title is the english translation of the song "aao milo chalein" in the bollywood movie "jab we met."

comment here on AO3.

The crisp crunch of the snow pressing against his boots is but a dim noise to his ears, easily muffled by the heavy weight of his clouded thoughts. Whimsical lights hang about the village, like fairies dancing in homes of glass, bringing life to an already lively and bustling community. Rich aromas of spices and bakery goods waft to meet his reluctantly curious nose. From a distance, he can see children holding hands, prancing in circles, books resting on the grass not far from them.

Suddenly, memories of too pristine drapery, burnt bread served in small portions, cold spaces and even colder company flash before him, and he reconciles instantly that for the person beside him who deserves a thousand shimmering lives, the one he could provide is laughably unfit.

He chooses instead to clear his throat from the overwhelming constriction building within. “Welcome home."

Harry isn't even sure she hears him until her voice reaches his ears this time, less strained but equally quiet. "Thanks. You've…we've come a long way together. I couldn't have returned home without your map and knowledge of the terrain and…well, your company."

Long way together, indeed. He starkly recalls the night they first met a month ago; he was nearly passed out at the pub, his ratty travelers’ attire dragging on the floor. In contrast, her finely stitched gown - though roughly hiked halfway up to her knees - allowed her easy passage to approach him and demand guidance back to her home. One of her many demands from him, as it would soon appear. He listened as she spoke of how a neglectful carriage had failed to pick her up while in town doing business across the country. Locals suggested that he - a troublesome albeit spatially adept traveler - could help her.

A bag of coins had clanged against the table before Harry could form the words "what's in it for me?"

Turns out, there was a reason why she was in such a rush to return home so quickly. It's the same reason why after weeks of navigating rocky territory and shady inns - all made surprisingly easy with her laughter by his side - he musters all the courage he can…

And shrugs these complicated feelings off.

"For all your talk of disliking sugar, you sure do come from a place with a lot of honey cakes." He lifts the sweet sample to his lips, sinking his teeth in appreciatively. Something to keep his mouth busy, at least.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work very well. "Mmh, nice. You can really feel the corn amongst all that syrup. Good to get your vegetables in."

She sighs, her breath misting the air from his periphery.

"Honestly, I'm quite jealous." That last word chokes in his throat. "You've been stopped four times already with people offering you this. They're that excited to see you again."

"Harry - "

He can’t bloody stop himself, can he, because the next thing he knows: "I bet Dean would have this waiting for you right by the door." The intake of her breath is sharp, not so much a warning but a tense silence. "It must be in the betrothed handbook or something. 'Feed thy wife or face wrath.'"

"Very funny."

"That's why we came here, isn't it?" The reason why she was in such a rush. The reason why the ring sits on her finger, a delicate piece he caught his eyes tracing several times over the past month.

A reminder that she's not his, that she can't ever be his - he's a lonesome wolf, strings to his abusive aunt cut years ago, his proper language a residual to his pseudo-rich past. And she. Well, she's of the lifestyle of everything he left behind, of everything he hates.

So why does he not hate her?

He pauses at a nearby cart to pour himself some ale to mask his fidgeting.

"Harry."

Jaw clenching, he forces down his drink in burning gulps, really letting the seconds drag. "Ginny,” he mimics.

He hears her huff.

"So this is it, then. You're just going to keep evading my departure? Through flimsy humor?”

Pushing through the sharp pain her words evoke, Harry takes in a harsh breath. "There's nothing to evade. You're getting married. And based on everything you've yapped in my ear about so far, to a really nice man."

"Yes…but that was before - "

Smashing the remnants of the honey cake in between his fingers, more decadent and rich than anything he's had the pleasure of tasting in his meager life, he snaps in two. "What should I say, Ginny? Don't go? Stay? Maybe Dean likes to whisper sweet nothings to you, but personally, as a mere acquaintance, I - "

Her fingers tug at his arm with unsurprising strength, forcing herself into his space. His stomach can't help but lurch at how the sunset paints her hair in ways that pedestal the lush sky only second to her attention.

"An acquaintance?” Her voice falters. “Is that all I am to you? Just…more than a stranger?"

He swallows, a chill settling low in his gut. Cruelly, he delivers the blow anyway.

"With time, acquaintances become strangers too."

Sure enough, the rageful tempest that battles its way across her fierce features is nothing in comparison to the aching realization that he is breaking her heart all the same. Like his damage was decreed collateral from the start of time, he watches her pieces shatter too.

"Well," Ginny whispers, eyes glassy, voice severe. "Allow me to speed things up for us then."

Harry doesn't turn to watch her leave. If he did, he might never stop.

#harry x ginny #hinny #hinny drabble #hinny angst #hinny period piece

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justmymindandstuff · 2 years

Text

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Part 2 : Without you

Summary: John is far away in France to fight in a terrible war. And you stayed behind, you wait for him. But everything has consequences and when you find out about your pregnancy, the construct of lies that once was your life falls apart and you are alone, without your fiancé.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N Words: 8796 Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, family problems, talking about abortion (please let me know if i forgot something)

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with — English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. Part 2/3 -> Part 1

GIF not mine

You can also read this on AO3.

Part 2: Without you

It hasn't rained in 3 days and the air is a little too warm for this time of year, but you don't mind. You enjoy the sun while you can, autumn would come soon enough. You are walking down the streets next to a school friend, Emily. She said goodbye to her brother yesterday and is obviously worried about him, so you figured you'd distract her a little. "Who do we pick up again?" asks Emily. "An old friend of mine, Ada." you answer her. Polly asked you to look after Ada, she have gone into her room and won't come out. Ada's aunt worries that she will get sick and at least you go to nursing school. But you know she doesn't get sick, you know why she doesn't come out of her room. Freddy also went to France 1 week ago. Ada is like you, her lover went to war and left her behind. So Ada needs a little distraction too. You all need distraction, and a good tea and an afternoon with friends would be good for you all. You've cried a lot since John went to war, and every night you lie awake for hours hoping he's okay. The last 6 weeks without John have been difficult for you, but he would surely be back soon. A light wind blows through your hair and your dress blows around your legs. It's your favourite dress, maybe because it hugs your body so softly, or because John gave it to you as a gift. Probably both. "Hey sweety." you hear a loud whistle, but you don't turn to the voice, it's probably just another drunk worker, of whom there are more than enough here. Emily looks over her shoulder and tenses a little, but you keep walking down the street towards your destination. "Come on ladies, don't you fancy a little fun?" You roll your eyes and quicken your pace a little, Emily grabs your hand uncertainly. She is not often in this area and is more used to socializing with other people. Suddenly someone grabs your arm and holds you tight. Angry you turn around and Emily next to you looks at the small group of men in shock and fear. "Let me go." you say and try to tear yourself away. The self-assured look of men suddenly becomes insecure. "Let go of her, that's John's girl." says one of the men. "He said he would kill anyone who touches her." The stranger lets you go. "Excuse me, Miss Shelby." “It's all right,” you say, grabbing Emily's arm and pulling her down the street. "You are John Shelby's wife?" asks Emily in shock. "His fiancée, it's a secret." Meeting this men confused you. You know John and his brothers do a few things that are not legal. But you didn't know that the Peaky Blinders are causing so much horror in Birmingham that these men would listen to his threats. What does John do when he's not with you? "You really lead a double life." says Emily, her eyes glowing with excitement. "I don't. But please don't tell anyone." "Of course not." You arrive at Pollys house, and you open the door to the betting shop, there isn't much going on inside. Polly is sitting at Tommy's desk, concentrating on a few papers. "Hello Aunt Polly." "Y / N, nice to see you." her gaze goes to Emily. "A friend of mine. We wanted to pick up Ada." Polly nods, she looks a little tired and suddenly you have a bad conscience, you haven't been here the last few days. You have a hard time being in John's home when he's not there. Everything reminds you of him and then you miss him even more. "Do you need help?" you ask "No, it's okay. Could you just take a quick look at Finn's writing practice?" "Of course." you go through the shop to the back where Polly's house is. Finn sits at the kitchen table and writes a few simple words in a messy script. "Hello little one, how is it going?" "Good. I can already write my name." he tells you proudly. Then he sees Emily. "Who is this?" he immediately asks sceptically. "A friend of mine." "That's fine then." he tries to sound older than he is, which makes you smile. You correct a few small mistakes and then send him out to play. "You will be back before the sun goes down." "Yes Sister." he calls out and then disappears out the back door. Emily looks around the small kitchen a little. "You really lead a double life." she says again. "The Shelbys are my family." "Does your real family know that?" she asks, but a slight smile plays around her lips. "No, and that's better that way. Come on." you go up the stairs and knock on Ada's door. No answer. "Ada? Ada open the door, I know you're there." you say and knock again. It takes a moment and Ada opens the door. "What do you want?" "I told you I'd come over today. Come on, get ready. We'll spend the afternoon together." Ada rolls her eyes. "But I don´t want to." "I don't care, you have 5 minutes or I'll drag you out of here in your nightgown." you try to put on Polly's stern look, but you're pretty sure you won't quite make it. Nevertheless, Ada sets herself in motion and gets ready. 20 minutes later the 3 of you are outside and let the last warm rays of sun shine on your face. And you were right, the day was really good for all of you. In the evening you accompany Emily and then Ada home. As you step into Polly's house, the smell of food envelops you. "You have perfect timing." Polly greets you. "The food is almost ready." The back door opens and Finn comes in, he's full of dirt and dust, but his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed from running. "Letters have come. From France. Y / N here, your name is on it." You will instantly recognize John's handwriting and your heart will skip a beat. Finn hands you the letter and when you are excited to hear from John again you pack him the bag of your dress. "You don't want to read it?" asks Polly, she's also holding a letter in her hand, with Arthur's handwriting on the envelope. "Yes, of course, but calmly. I read it at home." Polly nods, then opens Arthur's letter, her eyes darting quickly over the lines. "They are fine." she then says and then passes it on to Ada, who also quickly skims the lines. You read over her shoulder, but Arthur's handwriting is so messy that you can barely read his words. It doesn´t take long and you all sitt at the dinner table. Finn tells a little about his adventures down by the river today. His childlike light-heartedness does not fit into the mood of the depressed and warlike mood that prevails in England, but it gives you the feeling of home and cheers you up. After dinner you help Polly clean up while Ada forces Finn to take a bath. Then you say goodbye and make your way home. "Y / N there you are finally. You missed the meal." your mother greets you. "I'm sorry, I went shopping with Emily, we forgot the time." Your mother shakes her head, but she's not really mad. "I'll ask the maid to reheat the food." "I'm not hungry. But I am very tired." Your mother had to give you a critical look. ,,Okay. Good night my child." "Good night mother. I love you." "I love you." your mother gives you a kiss on the forehead and you run up the stairs to your room. You quickly lock the door behind you and take John's letter out of your pocket. My beloved princess, I hope you are alright and you don't miss me too much. Just a little bit, so you don't forget me. I am sorry that I will only get in touch with you now. The trip to France took longer than we all thought. I don't want to bore you with details about the war. But France is really beautiful, the landscape, the cities, the weather is also a little better than at home. It doesn't rain that much, but it's very cold. I think you would like France, maybe one day we will travel here when the war is over. I think about you all the time, about you and about our future. Tommy is joking about me, but I don't care. I wake up every morning and look forward to coming home to you. I miss you so much. How is it in England? Are Finn, Ada and Polly all right? Arthur is always in a bad mood, I think he misses the English alcohol, and France is probably too cold for him. But otherwise, he's fine, we're all fine. I'm supposed to give you best regards from Tommy and Arthur. I love you so much. And I'll see you soon, I promise I'll be back before Christmas. John You lower the letter and take a deep breath. Even if it's total nonsense, you imagine that the letter smells a little like John. Your heart contracts painfully and you feel like you're going to throw up if he's apart from you for just a second longer. It's been the same for six weeks, you can distract yourself easily during the day, but as soon as you're alone in your room you miss him so much that it hurts. You sit down at your little desk and start writing an answer to his letter. --- The sun shines through your curtains and blinds you a little. You blink a few times and then turn away from the sun. Your eyes still sting a little from all the tears you cried that night. Not every night is that bad, but most are. John has been in France for 3 months now, but you still miss him as much as you did on the first day. You climb out of your warm bed and get ready for the day. "Y / N, are you coming for breakfast?" your mother's voice shines through the house. You look again in the small mirror in your room, with a little make-up you don't look that tired, but you can't get rid of your tearful eyes. You quickly run down the stairs and meet your parents in the dining room. The maid has already set the table and prepared breakfast. Like every morning, your father has disappeared behind his newspaper and your mother is trying to have a casual conversation. But you're too tired and too sad to play the happy girl you were a few weeks ago. Before John left. "Are you coming to my office today after school? The books need to be checked." asks your father after reading the newspaper. "Yes of course." not even your favorite task is giving you anticipation. You go to nursing school because your mother wanted it, but only on the condition that you can still help in your father's office. You love numbers and math. "Actually, I had thought that Y / N would not go to school today and would spend the day with me instead." your mother interferes. "We hardly have mother daughter time because she has so much to do with school, then the study group and the practical hours in the hospital." There is neither a study group, nor practical hours in the hospital, they were all excuses to be able to spend more time with the Shelbys. "All right, but then tomorrow." says your father and you nod. After you've finished the family breakfast, your father goes to work. Your mother puts a cup of tea in front of you and looks at you carefully. You are uncomfortable with her look. "Who is the father?" "What?" you ask in surprise. "Who is the father Y / N?" your mother's voice sounds very calm and she smiles at you understandingly. "What are you talking about?" you ask, you have no idea what she means. "You are tired all the time, but you sleep a lot, you look a little bloated and your pain pills in the bathroom are still full. So you didn't get your monthly bleeding. Who is the father?" You feel your heart start beating faster in your chest, you didn't even notice. You were so busy with school, taking care of Finn and missing John that you didn't even notice. Are you pregnant? That can't really be. You notice how tears well up in your eyes as you sink onto the soft sofa in the living room. Your mother is by your side and hugs you. "That can't be. It was only once." "That's enough dear." says your mother and then sighs. "So the father, who is it and will he marry you?" Your hand goes to the engagement ring hanging on a chain around your neck. ,,Yes. He promised. As soon as he comes back from France. " Your mother sighs again. "That can take a while." "No, he said he'd be back soon, before Christmas." You can see in your mother's eyes that she doesn't believe it. Still she smiles. "Will you tell me his name?" You swallow once and look down at your hands. Even if she's not mad just yet, she will be as soon as she knows that John is the father. How many times has she told you stay away from the Shelbys? They are not good company, they will ruin you, they will drag you into their criminal activities. Your mother had told you all this so many times. "John Shelby." you whisper and now the tears are running down your cheeks. Your mother gets up in one quick motion. "That gypsy!" she pronounces it like a swear word. "Mom please. I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to happen." "Did he force you?" "What no! Of course not, he loves me and I love him. And we will get married as soon as he is back in England. He promised that." "Men promise a lot if they want under your skirt. I thought I taught you that." ,,Mom please. He loves me.” Your mother sighs. "Did he tell you that?” "Yes! And that he will marry me. And that we are a family." you answer and cross your arms stubbornly over your chest. "Men lie! Believe me, they all lie." "Not John. Mama believe me, he loves me. And we're engaged." "Another lie, he won't marry you. Please believe me, men like him get bored of women easily." "You don't even know him. He's a good man and he won't be bored with me, we've been together for years." "What?" asks your mother in surprise. "We've been together for years, secretly. Because you and Dad would never have accepted him. Although you don't even know him, he's a gypsy who cares? But he's also friendly, loving and good. And his family treat me like I'm one of them already. The Shelbys are good people, please believe me. " Your mother takes a few deep breaths and is silent for a long time. "He's living with his aunt right?" You nod. "I want to speak to her." your mother gets up and rings the bell for the maid. "Please get our coats, we're going out." "You want to meet Polly? Right now?" you ask in surprise, you would have expected your mother to scream and be angry, but definitely not that. "Yes." The maid brings your coats and you make your way to Watery Lane. Your mother's gaze is sceptical of the run-down houses, the children walking barefoot across the street and the drunk workers. "Nice environment." she snippets off. "Can you please not be so biased?" "I'll try." You keep walking down the street, a few of the men glare at you and your mother grabs her expensive coat tighter. But you don't worry, in the last few months you've realized just how big the influence of the Peaky Blinders is in Birmingham. Everyone respects John and his brothers, and their word applies even when they are far away in France. "You don't have to be afraid." "Here you will be robbed if you look the wrong way." "Yeah, maybe, but we don't." "And why are you so sure about that?" "Trust me." You arrive at Polly's house and you open the door. Immediately you feel at home. "Y / N!" Finn yells and comes running towards you. He jumps into your arms and hugs you tightly. "Finn, not so stormy." you say, but you also hug him. In the past few weeks you've always been too tired to really play with him, and of course the little boy noticed that. Since Finn doesn't know how to deal with the new situation and no one has taught him how to express his feelings properly, he reacts either angry or clingy. You're glad he's clinging to you today. "Mum, may I introduce you. Finn Shelby, John's brother. Finn, this is my mother." you introduce the two of them, your mother holds out a hand to Finn, but he only tilts his head. "You have to shake her hand." you say softly and nudge Finn. He nods and grabs your mother's hand with his dirty little hand to give her a quick shake. "Is Aunt Polly here?" "In the shop." "Will you get her please? And then go upstairs." "But.." "Do not discuss with me." you say in a stern tone. You don't want to be mean or dismissive to him. But you're too tense to care for his feelings at this moment. You have no idea why your mother would want to talk to Polly and to be honest you're terrified. Finn rolls his eyes, but then turns to get Polly. Polly enters the small kitchen. "Y/N, what happened? Lot to do today." she stops when she sees your mother standing next to you. Polly closes the door to the betting shop behind her and forces a smile on her face. "Mrs. Y/L/N. How can I help you?" "Your nephew got my daughter pregnant." your mother says with suppressed anger in her voice. Polly doesn't react at all surprised, she just nods slightly. "I know." "Since when?" you ask shocked. "About a week. I read your tea leaves. It will be a healthy girl." At her words, a strange feeling of happiness and calm washes over you, even if it doesn't completely replace the panic. "Gypsy nonsense" spits out your mother. "It's not that. Did you just come to insult my family or is there anything else I can help you with?" Polly now asks your mother and you admire her self-confidence once again. Your mother is used to always being treated with kindness and respect, and because of her family and her good marriage, she is used to getting what she wants. "I'll take Y/N to a doctor in London tomorrow, after that the problem will be solved and I don't want any more contact between my daughter and your nephew." "The two are engaged, I can hardly forbid John the contact with his future wife." "Oh please! We both know that this marriage will never happen. We both know that John will never marry my daughter, he never intended to, all he wanted was someone to warm his bed. " You want to yell your mother that John will keep his word and that he loves you. But Polly is faster. "Get out of my house! I will not have you slander the honesty and honor of my nephew and my entire family with your lies. John is a good man, he will keep his word and he loves Y/N . If you accept that, you're welcome back here, not until then." "Gypsy pack." says your mother. "Y/N, come on, let's go home, there's a lot to do until tomorrow." "No!" you say and take a few steps away from your mother. "I won't come with you, and I won't go to London tomorrow either." You put your hand protectively on your flat stomach, even if you can't imagine that a small person is really growing in it. "You have no choice Y/N! What do you think happens? Do you think you can stay here? And wait for John to come back and then you get married and live happily ever after?" your mother's tone is taunting, but you don't care. "Yes! That's exactly how it will be." you know yourself that you sound naive. But you know that John loves you and that you will be a family. Your mother shakes her head. "Fine, make that decision! But don´t come back when you're out on the street in a few weeks." she throws another disparaging look in the direction of Polly and then disappears from the small kitchen. As the door closes behind her, tears begin to fall from your eyes, even though you can't really believe what just happened, even if you can't believe your mother just really let you down. Polly is quickly at your side and hugs you. "Take it easy dear, everything will be fine. Don't get upset, it's not good for your child." "I don't know what to do now." you bring out tears. Polly strokes your hair soothingly. "First you stop crying, then I want you to get some rest and then we'll see, alright?" you nod "Well, then go up to John's room and get some sleep, I'll tell some of the Blinders to get your things from your parents' house." "No! My mother will freak out if the Peaky Blinders show up at her door. She'll call the police." Polly sighs. "Maybe you're right. There are only the younger ones here and I really don't have time for problems with the police right now." she thinks aloud. "I still have a few things here." you say weak "That will be enough until everyone has calmed down and until John is back." your voice sounds hopeful, as soon as John comes back in a few weeks everything will be fine. Polly nods. "All right, we'll take care of that later. Rest now." You nod and leave the kitchen to go up the stairs to John's room, when you've just reached the stairs Polly calls after you. "And of course you won't end up on the streets, no matter what happens here you will always have a home." Polly's words bring tears to your eyes. "Thank you Aunt Polly." You sleep most of the afternoon and only wake up when Ada knocks on the door and sticks her head in the room. "Can I come in?" "Yes." you sit up a bit in bed, Ada slips out of her shoes and sits next to you on the mattress. "Polly told me everything. How are you?" "I don't know. I'm scared and I'm sad about my mother's behaviour, but at the same time I've never been happier in my life. I'm having a baby! A real little human. I want to believe that everything will be fine. " "It will be for sure! John will be home soon and so will Tommy and Arthur and then everything will be like before." says Ada. "Freddie will come home then." you say and lightly nudge Ada in the side, she sighs. "I haven't gotten a single letter yet. And he said not to write to him, he doesn't want Tommy to find out." Now you have to sigh too and take Ada in your arms. "It'll be all right. You said he said he loves you." "But men lie." "You sound like my mother." Ada grimaces. "Don't say something that horrible." she then says with a slight laugh. "Polly says your mother was pretty mean." her tone becomes serious again and this time you sigh. "She practically threw me out of the family." you reply, you want it not to matter to you, but it doesn't. It hit you hard. Ada rubs your back. "She's coming to her senses." she then says. "And besides, now you really are my sister." she tries to cheer you up. "What did I do to deserve this?" "Hey." Ada nudges you lightly in the ribs, not as hard as she used to, but gently. Like you're fragile, even if you're not. But now a little human is growing inside you, and that little human is fragile and weak. You must protect him, whatever the cost. "Everything is going to be alright." you say, more to you and your child than to Ada, but she nods anyway. "Would you like to help me in the kitchen, or do you want to rest?" ask her after you've been silent for a while. "I'm rested, I'm happy to help you." In the early evening Finn comes home completely dirty, you send him to bathe first and then start to heat up the food with Ada's help. Polly closes the betting shop for the day and then joins Ada and you. "How are you Y/N?" she asks first. "I'm better, I slept a little." Polly nods and smiles at you, then she goes to help Finn and a short time later they are all eating together. But domestic peace does not last long. Your father comes barging into Polly's house. "Y/N!" he yells. "How could you be so irresponsible? Your mother told me everything. You don't really think I'll let you get away with this stupid idea, do you? A gypsy in our family? Never! You're coming home with me right now and tomorrow morning I'll drive you personally to London to see Dr. Conner." Your father is walking towards you, your whole body is rigid with fear, you have never seen your father so angry. Finn jumps up from his chair and stands in your father's way. "No! Y/N stays here with us, she's family." You don't know who told Finn everything, or maybe he's just getting more than you think. "Get out of my way kid, who do you think you are?" "I'm the man of the house! And I take care of the women and the business." he says, he can't help the trembling in his voice, but you're so proud of him that it doesn't matter. Your father looks at Finn confused and angry, the vein in his throat throbbing violently under his skin. "You heard the boy." Polly says, unbeknownst to you and Ada, she has drawn her gun and is now tapping it on the kitchen table. "Get out of my house. Like your wife, you are not welcome back here until you can talk to us in a reasonable and civilized manner about the future. Until then, have a good day, Mr. Y/L/N." To your surprise, your father leaves the house without saying another word. "Eat on children, otherwise the food will get cold." Polly says after a moment and puts the gun back in her skirt pocket. "You did well Finn." The little one is beaming with pride, he has done his job as Arthur told him to do. You and Ada also start picking at your food again, even if you're not hungry you have to eat for your baby. --- You won't hear a word from your parents for the next few days. You're trying to get into a normal daily routine. You go to nursing school, do the shopping and take care of Finn with Ada, even if you realize that it all costs you more energy than before and you often sleep a few hours before eating. It takes you over a week to sit down and write a letter to John. My dear John, I hope you're doing well, I hope you're all doing well. I miss you so terribly. But I also have news. Good news I think, at least that's what Polly says all the time. I wish I could look you in the eye and deliver this message to you personally, but unfortunately I can't. I'm pregnant, we're going to have a little baby. I don't know if you're happy or not, I hope you are. I hope it's good news for you too. My parents are very angry, not only because of the pregnancy, but also because they know about us now. About us and our engagement. Father was very angry, I think he would have liked to get on the next train to go to France to put a bullet in your head. I hope he comes to terms with the new situation. Mom wanted me to have an abortion, but I want to have this child even though we're not married yet. I'm staying with Polly now. It's okay, although I'm saddened by my parents' reaction. But everything will be fine. Once you're home everything will be fine. I know that! I just hope you'll be with me again soon. I can't wait to see you again. We're waiting for you at home. Love Y/N Polly will make sure the letter gets to the post office the same day. You're nervous about John's answer, but deep in your heart you know that everything will be fine. --- The next few weeks go by far too quickly, your belly is growing all the time and it's becoming difficult to hide it under loose clothing. On a Tuesday afternoon, after your class, the director of the school comes up to you. "Miss Y/L/N." you startle, but you smile. "How can I help you sir?" his stern gaze doesn't soften for a second, he first looks at you, then his gaze goes to your stomach and then to your finger, on which the engagement ring is stretched but no wedding ring yet. In that second you know he knows and you swallow the lump in your throat. "Your tuition has not been paid so I have spoken to your father and he has clarified your situation to me. I hereby inform you that you are no longer welcome at my school. Have a nice day." with that he turns away and leaves you standing. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you swallow them and turn to leave. You just want to get out of here. Emily slips past you, when she sees your face she stops. "Y/N, what happened?" ask her worried. "Nothing." you say, but your voice trembles way too much. Emily doesn't believe you. She grabs your hand. "You're lying, tell me what's going on." her voice is soft, but you still shake your head. "Believe me, you don't want to be seen with me." you say, break free and just run away. As you enter Polly's house, you finally let the tears roll down your cheeks. Ada looks at you, startled. "What happened? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" she asks immediately. "The baby is fine." you say quickly to calm her down. You didn't want to scare her. "I was kicked out of school. My father stopped paying and told the principal everything. Of course they don't want unmarried pregnant women at their school." Ada hugs you. "What assholes." "Don't curse in front of the baby." you say softly which makes Ada giggle. "I try it." You wipe the tears from your face and try a smile. "It's not that bad, I never wanted to be a nurse anyway." you say and carefully stroke your growing belly with one hand. Even if you never wanted to become a nurse, you enjoyed the training and it was a nice feeling to have something of your own, to be able to learn. But because of your pregnancy, that's being taken away from you now. It's unfair, the whole world is unfair. But then you have to think about the little baby growing inside you and you know it's worth all this trouble. You would go through hell for your little baby and it's not even born yet. "Letters have come from France." says Ada suddenly. "Why don't you say that directly?" you say, all sadness and anger is suddenly forgotten. "I thought it was something with the baby." Ada takes a letter and holds it out to you. You immediately recognize John's handwriting and rip the letter out of Ada's hand, but when you try to open it your hands are shaking too much. "What if he wants an abortion." you say in a toneless voice. "We're still so young, and don't get married either." Adam sighs. "I don't think so. But you have to read the letter for it. I can stay here and hold your hand if you want." You nod and sit down next to Ada on the small sofa. Her warm hand encloses yours and you carefully open the letter. My beloved wife, I know this is a difficult time for you, but nothing in my life has ever made me happier than reading that you are pregnant. I don't care that your parents hate me, but I'm sorry you're suffering. I wish I could do something. Maybe your parents will forgive us once we're married, after all we're family then. I miss you so much my princess. I just think about you and our little baby all the time. When I come home we'll get married and I'll buy a house and we'll be a real little family. Just that thought makes me happier than I've ever been in my life. You're my reason to stay alive and come home and now you've given me another reason, I swear I'm coming home to you and our baby. I'll be back before the baby comes and I'll hold your hand during the birth, I promise. I love you. your husband John His words lighten your heart and are all that keeps you going for the next few months. You can no longer hide your stomach under baggy clothes and you notice people's looks. They look at you like an outcast, some even shouting snide remarks after you. You try to ignore it, but you find it difficult. You write a letter to your mother asking her to come visit you. But she doesn't answer you. Ada tries to cheer you up all the time, but she doesn't succeed. You're sitting in the living room with Finn, practicing reading with him, when there's a knock and Emily enters. "Hello Y/N. I hope it's okay that I visit you." You nod, surprised that she is coming to visit you, but she sits down next to you and smiles kindly. "Everybody talks at school. They say you got pregnant and now the Shelbys are forcing you to have the baby. Some also say that Polly put a gypsy curse on your family." she says calmly. "I'm sorry." You don't know what to say and just nod. "How are you? What does the doctor say? Is the child healthy?" "I'm fine. I miss John and yes the baby is fine. The doctor says he's a bit big for his age so it's probably going to be a boy but Polly swears it's going to be a girl. I am it doesn't matter, I just want the baby to be healthy and for John to come home." "Would you like to go into town a little, maybe for some tea? I invite you." Emily still looks at you kindly and you nod. Distraction would certainly do you good. So the two of you hit the road and spend a relaxing time together, Emily shielding you from most looks, she doesn't seem to care that you're pregnant and unmarried. She seems like a really good friend. "I often get letters from my brother, he says it's terrible in France. He says war makes frightened children out of the best men. He says soldiers are dying like flies in summer." You set the tea aside, sickened at the thought that John might die. Emily catches your gaze. "Oh my god Y/N! I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking. Isn't John writing you?" "Yes, often. Just not about the war. He writes that he misses me and that he loves me. And he writes that he is happy about our child." you answer. Emily nods. "I didn't mean to make you sad. John is in a different unit, so maybe it's not so bad for him." "Yes, perhaps." you answer and try to find your good mood again. It's late when Emily escorts you home, the sun has set and the streets are dark ahead of you. Suddenly you hear a whistling from the side and three drunk men come towards you. Not again! Somehow Emily and you attract bad luck. "Nah sweethearts. Why so late on the road?" says a man, but you ignore him and walk on. But of course the men stand in your way. "Come on honey, I can see you're just a stupid whore. After all, you got yourself pregnant and that without a husband." his cold hand grabs your arm and you try to pull away. "Leave her alone." Emily intervenes, but she is held by another man. You panic, but you try to stay calm. Suddenly a loud bang cuts through the evening silence. You jump, startled, and only when the man collapses in front of you do you realize that the bang was a shot. The other men stare in horror at their friend, who is bleeding on the floor. "Nobody touch this woman! By order of the Peaky Blinders." Jeremiah Jesus is standing across the street, stowing his gun. He'd been in France for the last year, you know that. You didn't know he came back already and you didn't know he was in the Peaky Blinders. "Go home now." he says to you and Emily. You nod and then start walking. The shock is still deep, Jeremiah had just shot a man for you, on the orders of the Peaky Pictures. By order of John. Your whole body is shaking when you and Emily come home. "So much excitement is not good for the baby." Emily keeps saying, you can see from her pale face and her trembling hands that the whole situation upset her too. "Let's never talk about this again." you say in a cold voice and stroke your stomach. You are safe now, John saved you. That's the only thing you want to think about right now. --- John's next letter contains not only declarations of love and promises that he will be back soon, but also a list of children's names. You read through this list a hundred times and talk to Ada about which name she likes. "You don't have to worry about boy names. It's going to be a girl." says Polly with a slight smile on her face. "But the doctors say it will be a boy." or so you say. "The doctors are wrong my child." Polly strokes your hair once and then makes her way back to the kitchen. Finn runs into the living room and jumps on Ada's lap. "What are you doing?" he asks. "We're thinking of a name for your nephew or nephew." "For John and Y/N Baby?" "Right." you say. "I'm looking forward to the baby." Finn says. You kiss his head. "I'm looking forward to the baby too." you say and smile at the little boy. "Would you like to read us something?" asks Ada. Finn thinks for a moment. "I can't read very well yet." "That's not true. You read great, please." "OK." Finn jumps up and gets one of his exercise books. He really can't read very well, but it's Ada's and your job to boost his confidence and support him. You lean back on the small sofa while Finn reads, stuttering. You're incredibly tired again, but you're trying to stay awake. There is an incredible stillness in this moment and you look forward to your future life as Shelby. With John by your side and your little baby. He'll be home soon and he promised to hold your hand when your baby is born. --- John didn't keep his promise. When your water bursts you are alone with Ada and Polly, the men are still far away in France. You've never been in pain like this, the birth drags on for hours and you curse John for doing this to you and for not being here now. At the same time, you want nothing more than to hold his hand. But he's not with you, so you hold Ada's hand and cry with her. But when you hold the little bundle in your arms, everything is forgotten. There's nothing more important than your little girl and that she's okay. "She looks healthy and strong." says Polly. "You did well dear. I'm proud of you." You want to write John a letter right away, but you're too weak, you can't even sit properly by yourself. Besides, you'd have to let your daughter out of your arms and that's the last thing you want. "I can write him a letter." Polly says and you nod. "Please hurry, it's supposed to be out in the mail today. John must know we're fine." Polly nods with a smile and brushes a strand of sweaty hair away from your face. "I will write immediately." she says in a soft voice. "Sleep a little now, the birth was exhausting for you." "But.." "No but Y/N. Your daughter is sleeping anyway, and Ada can watch out for that." "I will not leave your side." Ada says, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed. "I'll take care of you and the little one." "Her name is Katie." you say in a low voice. You try hard not to fall asleep, even if your eyes keep falling. "That's a beautiful name." says Ada. "Sleep now Y/N. It's all good." Ada says soothing words and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep. You always thought John was the love of your life and nothing could replace him in your heart. But the second you looked into your daughter's eyes for the first time, you knew that John would be number two in your heart. You have never felt such unconditional love. Polly and the doctors say your little girl is doing well. And you couldn't be prouder of her. Your new favourite activity is watching Katie all day long. Finn never leaves your side, he loves his nephew and takes care of her as best he can. Even though Katie takes up all of your attention and time, you try to take care of Finn as much as possible. You don't want him to feel replaced by Katie and get jealous of the little girl. It takes about two weeks for John's reply to come from France. My beloved wife, I'm begging you, never let Polly write a letter for you again. When I saw her handwriting and not yours, my heart almost stopped, I thought I lost you. Please don't ever do this to me again. But nothing in my life has made me happier than to read that our little girl is born. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you. I know I promised, but the war is still going on and unfortunately there is no end in sight. I never thought I'd be gone for so long. I'm sorry. I hope that I can come home soon. I miss you and our little girl even though I haven't met her yet. I'm also supposed to give you congratulations from Tommy and Arthur. They are also looking forward to getting to know our little girl soon. I hope you are doing well and you are happy. I love you and Katie. Please tell her every day that her father loves her. John --- One afternoon, you've just laid Katie down, there's a knock on the door. Polly is in the shop and Ada is shopping, so you answer the door. Your mother is in front of you. "Mom?" you ask surprised and let her into the little house. "Hello my child." says your mother, she looks around the little house a little bit, she seems out of place but she smiles at you. You don't know exactly what she wants from you. "I heard you had your baby." she says. "Yes. A girl, her name is Katie." you say. Your mother smiles and her eyes gather tears. "May I meet her?" "She sleeps." you answer. You feel the need to hug your mother and cry. But you're still angry anyway. You needed her and she wasn't there. "Y/N. My dear child. I'm so sorry. I know I reacted wrongly. I was just so angry that you didn't listen to me and kept your relationship with that Shelby boy a secret from me. And then the pregnancy, without marriage." "I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you. But I didn't know what else to do. Mom, I love John and he loves me. You and Dad would never have accepted the relationship and sent me away." Your mother sighs. "I understand you. It took time but I understand you now. And when I heard your baby was here my only thought was that I missed the birth and how sorry I was that I wasn't there for you. I know you needed me. I can never make it up to you. But please Y/N. I want to be a part of your life again and I want to be a part of my grandchild's life too." "Her name is Katie." "A beautiful name." You sigh and then you jump over your shadow and hug your mother. All your feelings are boiling over, the strain with Katie, the heartbreak for John, that he miss the first year of his daughters life and missing your mother. You don't want to be mad at her. You love her. "I like to watch Katie sleep. Would you like to sit with me?" "Of course. Thank you." You quietly go up the narrow staircase to John's room, which is now more yours and Katie's room. Your mother quietly enters the room behind you, her eyes immediately go to the small cot. Your little girl is sleeping peacefully. Tears come to your mother's eyes when she sees Katie for the first time. "She is beautiful." she whispers and grabs your hand. "She looks like you when you were little. Only the nose is different." "She has John's eyes too." you answer quietly. You spent hours looking at Katie, looking for similarities to you and John. You sit on the edge of the bed, your mother stands by the cot and looks down at the baby. There is only love in her eyes and you are so relieved that your mother has forgiven you. But you also know your father didn't. Otherwise he would be here and your mother wouldn't have come during his working hours. You know she's here secretly without her saying it. You don't know how much time has passed, but you hear Polly downstairs in the kitchen. She now closes the betting shop for a few hours in the afternoon. Enough customers only come in the evening, so that it wouldn’t be worthwhile to open the Shop the whole day. Katie slowly starts to wake up and cry. She is hungry. Immediately you are at her bed and pick her up. "I have to feed her." you say, your mother looks at you and you can see in her eyes that she is proud of you. "I have to apologize to Ms Shelby." your mother whispers, turning away from you and Katie. you nod "She's downstairs." Your mother takes a deep breath and then leaves the small room. You'd love to be part of the conversation, but priority is now on Katie. With her in your arms you sit down on the old bed and start breastfeeding her. When Katie is full, you wrap her diaper and then go down the stairs with her in your arms. In the kitchen, Polly and your mother are having a cup of tea and seem to be talking peacefully. When you enter the room, they both look up. A smile appears on Polly's face as always when she sees Katie. She stretches out her arms and you put the little girl in her arms. She immediately starts babbling happily as she lies in Polly's arms. Your mother looks at Polly with a sad smile, you know she would love to hold Katie too, but to Katie she is a stranger and you are not sure how your baby will react. "Your mother apologized to me." Polly says to you as you pour yourself a cup of tea. "She is now welcome back in our house." You're relieved to hear that. "Thank you Aunt Polly." then you turned to your mother. "Father doesn't know you're here right?" "I'm sorry. He's still mad, he says he doesn't have a daughter anymore." Actually, you would have thought that you would start crying now, but all you do is nod and pet your daughter's head. It's his bad luck if he doesn't want to meet your little miracle. "Would you like to hold her?" Your mother's eyes well up again. "Yes of course." You nod and Polly carefully hands Katie to your mother. Katie looks at your mother skeptically. "This is my mom. Your grandma." you whisper and kiss her head. Katie grabs your mother's finger and holds it tight. Now tears are running down your mother's cheeks. "Hi Katie. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry it took so long." she whispers. From that day on, your mother will come to Watery Lane at least once a week, bringing something with her each time. Dresses, hats and toys for Katie, coats for you, Ada and Polly. Even books for Finn. Sometimes she slips a little money in your skirt pocket. "We don't need the money." you say, even if it's a lie. "I know, but I want to support you. Please let me do that for you." When your mother is with you, she never mentions your father, but you've come to terms with the fact that your father will hate you forever. For the so-called mistake you made, but you wouldn't give up on Katie for the world, she's not a mistake, she's the greatest happiness of your life. The only thing missing from your life now is John. Katie starts crawling without meeting her father. Katie starts walking without knowing her father. Katie stutters her first words, she says “Mama”. And even if at this moment your heart is overflowing with happiness and love, you would like to start crying because John is not here to hear her first word. --- Autumn is slowly coming to an end and it is getting colder and colder. You wrap yourself in your coat while you carry the groceries home. A cold wind whistles around your ears and you are glad when you finally step into the warm house. Finn and Katie run towards you immediately. "Y/N, Katie is stealing my toys." says Finn and clings to your legs. You place the heavy basket of groceries on the table and bend down to the ten-year-old. He has long been too heavy for you to pick him up. "Ada says I can." says Katie, you brush her blond curls away from her face. "Share the toys." you suggest. "I don't want to share with her though, she's still a baby." says Finn. You sigh "You're right Finn. But if a baby wants to play with your toys, doesn't that mean you're too old for them?" you ask and tilt your head. Finn thinks for a moment. "You're right, I'm too old for toys like that." he says and hands Katie the carved wooden horse. "These are toys for babies." Katie doesn't care, she grabs the horse and hugs it to her chest like it's her greatest treasure, she knows the little wooden horse used to belong to her father. Suddenly the door behind you flies open and Ada storms into the kitchen. The newspaper in her hand. "The war is over. They're coming home." Tears run down her cheeks and she laughs with joy. "They're finally coming home."

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boysplanetrecaps · 4 months

Text

Build Up episode 3: Jay versus Wumuti

Hello and welcome back to my Build Up episode recaps! In the previous post, we saw Seunghun from CIX and Neon go up against former member of Romeo, Ma Jaekyung, and “student who likes ballads,” Yoon Inhwan. In this one, Bitsaeon from M.O.N.T. and Jay go up against Wumuti and Kang Hayoon. Yes, that’s right, it’s a Boys Planet face off! Let’s do this!

As the guys come up onstage, the judges notice that both teams chose Western pop songs to cover -- specifically, songs by Charlie Puth and Harry Styles.

The judges react specifically to Jay and Bitsaeon’s coordinating outfits.

OMG. The s w e a t e r s. Yes. This is what I want. MORE SWEATERS.

They introduce themselves by singing their team name -- Sweet and Salty -- to the tune of Beethoven’s Fifth symphony. You know -- dun dun dun DUN.

Bitsaeon, left, claims he’s the sweet one and Jay says he’s the salty one, then they do some aegyo.

At first glance, it looked like Wumuti and Hayoon are wearing white button downs, but no, on closer inspection, they are wearing….

S W E A T E R S

They introduce themselves as “Golden Boys/Voice” (saying the words in English). Since “Voice” and “Boys” sound almost identical with a Korean accent, I’m not sure which one they actually mean, but I think it’s a play on words at least. Wumuti says he’s “sexy and soft voiced.” I’ll leave that to you, the viewer, to agree or disagree with. Hayoon has a “unique” voice.

We’re reminded that Jay did very well in the first round, and go into a flashback to their time in the Rival Choosing Platform Area (RCPA), which is frightening not just because it’s surrounded by terrifying blurs….

.. but also because it’s where your fate is determined!

But no one seems to want to challenge them.

Jay mentions that he’s worked with Bitsaeon a lot, and we see this amazing old footage of younger Bitsaeon and Jay with Different Hair:

As I mentioned in my initial write up, Jay was part of a program to add more members to Bitsaeon’s group M.O.N.T., which wanted to have a sort of open-member concept kind of like NCT, I think. Although that never really worked out in terms of Jay actually joining, I assumed it would have meant that Jay and Bitsaeon would have gotten to know each other, and yep, I was right.

Since no one will step up to the RCPA, Jay and Bitsaeon are allowed to choose a rival, and chose a pop vocalist team to make the match up appropriate. Side note: I’m going to just call Bitsaeon “Bit”, ok, gang?

Jay mentions that he’s known Wumuti for five years. I also mentioned that in my write up that this is their third reality show in a row together.

Wumuti says he’s the hyung in this relationship, and Jay puts his arm around Bit, who is older than both of them, as if to say “I have a better hyung now!” I don’t like this. Ok.

Some time later, Bit and Jay unfold a nice folding table in a gray room with partitioned walls, put on a pair of almost matching fleece jackets, and pretend to talk strategy so that the camera can record them choosing the song they probably already chose off-camera much earlier. But it’s a pretty great scene.

Jay and Bit say, “I think they’ll choose to do a female song.”

Smash cut to Hayoon and Wumuti in a different gray room with a much nicer table, who are in fact saying,

… “What if we do a female song? Like, maybe something by Ariana Grande?”

Cut back to Jay and Bit: “I bet they’d choose something by Ariana Grande.”

Back to Wumuti, who says, “I think Jay will want to do something by his role model, Bruno Mars.”

Cut back to Jay, saying, “I want to do a Bruno Mars song.”

Wumuti says he’s known Jay for five years, and they know a little too much about each other. We see a shot of Baby Jay and Baby Wu.

“Two kids with the same kpop dream met”

I kind of get it -- when you are living in a place where you don’t speak the language that well, if you meet someone else who isn’t from that place, you kind of end up hanging out a lot. It happened to me when I was working for a royal family in an Arab country. I’ve had a weird life so far, my chingoos.

They decide on Dangerously by Charlie Puth, because it’s high pitch, high risk, high reward. Bit says he really wants the “killing part” with the one high pitched “I love you!” standing out with a vocal “scratch.”

I wonder, says I, I says, I wonder if they’re going to show us that part three or four times?????

Here’s the link to the performance without reaction.

My thoughts:

First off, really good song choice. It’s catchy, but it wasn’t a mega hit like “Attention” or “We Don’t Talk Any More.” It’s emotional, kind of sexy, with lots of opportunities to show off vocal skills. Really, perfect song choice.

Jay, again, was just amazing. His vocal color is obviously gorgeous, but he also seems to have worked out his issues with pitch and nasality. His adlibs and little growls add to the song appropriately. He was occasionally slightly screetchy, but it worked in the context of this song. His little mannerisms do slightly remind me of Dana Carvey’s “Choppin’ Broccoli” bit, but I guess in a hyper-regimented, always pre-planned world of Kpop, that kind of thing is to be expected.

Working with Jay is a blessing and a curse. His voice is so impossibly pretty that it makes it likely that you’ll win the challenge, but it also means that anyone else’s voice is going to sound worse in comparison. And that’s what happened to Bitsaeon here.

Bitsaeon’s voice is lovely, with good agility and a well-developed upper mix. He also pronounces the English really well -- possibly Jay gave him some tips. I don’t love the tone of his falsetto, and he also could get a little shrieky sometimes, but he’s never pitchy or nasal. As good as he was -- and he was really good! -- he just doesn’t have quite as pretty of a voice as Jay does. But I mean, almost no one does.

Their voices blend together well and the harmonies they worked out sounded great.

The MNET edit for all these songs always seems to be about emphasizing how good everyone is, and this one is no exception.

So, fun fact: I watched the performance itself while I was traveling for work. I have Youtube premium so I can download videos, and I downloaded as many ep3 videos as I could to try to get a head start on this episode. When I saw Jay doing the whole “growl then fall backward like you’re spent” part of the song, I was like -- I bet in the MNET edit, they show that part like, five times. They were pretty restrained though and only showed two of his parts twice each. I mean, they also showed the judges jumping to their feet and hugging each other so there was that. They also did an instant replay of Bit hitting a super high note, so that was good.

Looks like most of the judges stayed on their feet for the whole last third of the performance.

When they’re done, the judges give them a standing ovation and the guys backstage wonder if their low score will be 100.

The score is revealed:

Baekho, Solar, and Jaehwan gave it a 100, and the low score from Eunkwang was 97. That means that the other judges gave 98s and 99s.

It’s… pretty wild. How on earth can Wumuti and Kang Hayoon beat this? They decide to just sing their song and not worry about it.

Dahee asks the judges for feedback. Baekho said he felt like he was just watching a concert -- nothing to judge. And Jay’s voice is so catchy, it’s good regardless of personal preference. We’re reminded of those parts that got the instant replays.

Jaehwan says he wants to be a CEO and recruit artists like them. Dahee asks, why not actually them instead of just artists like them? And he says, hey, I can’t right now, I just got a full time job finally, I can barely take care of myself!

VCG gives some love to Bit, which is nice to see. He really did great -- I really do love his upper mix.

Seungkwan from Seventeen says, “I learned. I was humbled and even jealous. That’s how overwhelming your stage was. You did a great job. Thank you.”

Up next, it’s the other team, who come out calmly as if they didn’t just see their competitors get three perfect scores.

Wumuti says he’s known Jay for five years, and that Jay is so good it made him and Hayoon even better.

We flashback to episode one and see Wumuti hearing Hayoon’s voice for the first time and just loving it.

Sure, he did approach Gwangseok first, but Hayoon is who he really wanted. Wumuti says he wants to give a shocking performance, a song with bold colors and extreme details.

We see Wumuti and Hayoon rehearsing in some sort of place with t-shirts and art and merch…?

I tried to search for info on this stuff but didn’t find anything, so if you have light to shed, please do!

They spent a while picking the right song, which I think is smart. There’s another team that we’ll see in episode 4 that I kind of think chose their song too quickly -- we’ll get to them. But they ultimately decide on Harry Styles’ Falling.

Hayoon says he thinks a lot of people could empathize with the lyrics, and Wumuti feels like it relates to him and his struggles to debut.

Look at that gray and black s w e a t e r.

They’re rehearsing so hard they levitate!

The performance begins, and the judges wish them luck.

Full version without reactions

My thoughts:

I like Wumuti so much as a person -- I think he’s charming and I really like his optimistic, hard working attitude toward life. Also, I generally really like his singing voice, which is sweet with a nice bit of texture. His occasional belts are strong and lovely. That said, I think his voice can sometimes be a little nasal and he might need to work a little bit on his breath control, as sometimes he runs out of breath on a line or two. Regardless of those slight issues, I think this was a lovely performance, both vocally and emotionally.

I find myself kind of on the fence about Kang Hayoon’s voice. Sometimes the vocal color and stylistic choices are so overwhelming and affected that it’s a bit too much for me. But I think this was my favorite performance of his. He toned down the nasality and let what I think might be his “real voice” shine through. He did occasionally get a bit shrill on some of his louder belts -- a bit challenging to listen to, for me, like a tiny bit nails-on-the-chalkboard. Overall, though, I did really enjoy this performance.

I know it’s weird to say for someone who recaps competitive reality shows, but competition isn’t my favorite part of all this, and I wish I could just say that both performances were good in their own way without taking a stance on which performance was better. But I also know that part of what I’m doing here is giving my opinions. So for me, I just enjoyed Jay and Bitsaeon’s a tiny bit more. There were a few notes that sounded a tiny bit off for me in this. But they were both great and I enjoyed them both a lot.

The MNET edit continues the theme of just falling all over itself to say how good Kang Hayoon is, and sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person who doesn’t think he’s the obvious best vocalist on the show? Not saying he’s bad, just that a lot of people on this show are as good or possible a bit better than him. Tons of talent on this show!

Everyone listening is very quiet, listening. When they’re done, there’s a moment of silence as people kind of wallow in the feeling, and then the judges all stand up. And Wumuti is crying! He explains that he felt like he was singing the words to a mirror, to the Wumuti who keeps running toward his dream of debut.

“If one day, the stage doesn’t need someone like me anymore, what should I do then?”

The judges try to vote, but they’re kind of overwhelmed.

The votes come in, and… commercial break!!!... the votes are revealed!

Everyone gave a 100 except for Eunkwang, who gave a 98, and Baekho, who must have given a 99. We can tell that this is a 697 point performance. Wow.

I feel bad for Jay and Bitsaeon. They got a higher score than almost anyone else but they’re still going to be up for elimination. This show is awful, isn’t it? Sigh.

Everyone teases Eunkwang about his “low score” of 98, and then we get some feedback.

VCG says he wished he had known back on Boys Planet how good of a singer Wumuti actually is, especially if he sits down and sings. Hey, VCG, *I* noticed it even in Zoom, when Wumuti’s awesome “LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION BABY!” right before Haruto’s dance break really was a highlight. Anyway, VCG says he’s glad Wumuti is on this show so that he can really show his vocals.

They also heap a lot of praise on Hayoon, saying he’s a genius.

Jaehwan says, "I want to give you all the compliments of the world." Aww! That's great.

Seungkwan says it was his first time awarding 100 points, and mentions that it was at least partly because they showed their mettle to pull off such a good performance right after the previous team.

Eunkwang says he deducted one point for each so that they don’t get too egotistical.

When the judges are done giving their feedback, Dahee brings back Jay and Bit to find out the winner, although it’s obvious if you pay attention to the numbers at all.

The guys exchange hugs. The judges say that there aren’t any losers here, but Jay and Bit lose, 693 to 697.

Wumuti thanks the judges for their kind words, and then thanks Jay and Bit for motivating them to work harder. Jay looks completely unbothered -- I think voting is going to decide who stays and who goes, and if so, I think Jay knows that he’s going to stay. Jay and Wumuti tease each other a bit and it really doesn’t seem like there’s any hard feelings.

Emotionally, I can’t help but be glad that Wumuti got the win because I think he really needed it psychologically, but I still enjoyed the first performance a little more. I really don’t want to lose Bitsaeon either. Maybe we won’t? We’ll see, I guess.

Then we get a bit of a teaser for the next performance. Looks like the next episode will begin with Seokhwa from WEi and Woong from AB6IX going up against the two trainees, Ji Yeonwoo and Jeong Yunseo.

Finally, we get the current standings (as of episode 3).

For each one, I’ll either list their home group or something about them to help you remember who they are. Those who are already known to be in danger due to losing their 2 vs 2 mission so far are in bold. Those who are already safe will be in italics. Everyone else hasn’t gone yet.

Jay Chang (Boys Planet)

A.C.E.’s Lee Donghun

Wumuti (Boys Planet)

CIX’s Seunghun

WEi’s Kang Seokhwa

Pentagon’s Yeo One

Up10tion’s Lee Hwanhee

AB6IX’s Jeon Woong

Park Jeup (sang Sherlock)

Vanner’s Taehwan

Just B’s Geonu

KNK’s Jeong Inseong

M.O.N.T.’s Bitsaeon

Up10tion’s Sunyoul

BDC’s Hong Seongjun

Neon (sang Hmm-cheat)

Kang Hayoon (sang Falling)

Just B’s Bain (orange hair)

Fave1’s Hyukjin (red suit)

Jung Soomin (from Chicago)

Lee Gwang Suk (the model)

Hong Sung Won (that ombre sweater)

Park Joo Hee (top tier from Tomboy)

Kim Min Seo (low tier in Beautiful)

Kim Seo Hyung (low tier in Shall I love You…)

NewKidd’s Lee Min Wook (that weird blue vest thing)

Kim Sung Jung (leaping lizard)

Lim Sang Hyun (top tier in Beautiful)

Choi Su Hwan (Decalcomanie/Sherlock)

Hwang Inhyuk (Fragile people yellow sweater)

Yoon Inhwan (the student who loves ballads)

Taewoo (unique voice in Beautiful)

Ma Jaekyung (partnered with Yoon Inhwan for Take Me Back…)

Jo Hwanji (the soldier)

Choi Ha Ram (top tier in Breath)

Jeong Yun Seo (trainee, sang Beautiful, wasn’t nervous)

Ji Yeonwoo (forgot words in Decalcomanie)

Kwon Euibin (the robotic guy)

Former Day6 Lim Jun Hyeok (sang Breath)

Jang Intae (sang Every Moment of You)

So, that's the end of the recap and the end of episode 3, so I maintain my status of being only two episode behind.

I'll see you in the next one, chingoos, dongsaengs, friends, oppas and unnies. Take care until then!

#jay chang #boys planet #wumuti #build up #mnet build up #build up mnet #kang hayoon #m.o.n.t.#bitsaeon

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nickeverdeen · 11 months

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hi! sorry for bothering you 🥺 I just wanted to make sure, if you received my matchup request? i’ll copy it down below just in case, sorry if you’ve already received it, i’m just worrying :(

i was wondering if i can request a male spider verse matchup please?

i’m a girl, 19, aries, enfp, my pronouns are she/her. i’m very sweet and bubbly person, i’m super affectionate with people who i love. i’m very sensitive and emotional person too.

my height is 5’5, i have a petite figure, have some boob, long brown hair and green eyes. i would describe my style as a hyperfeminine.

my other passions are makeup, cinematography and music ofc! i’m obsessed with rabbits and bunnies and all the bunny-themed items! i love cute things, such as clothes, accessories, makeup, stuffies and etc.

hope it’s okay! sorry for my grammar, english isn’t my first language.

thank you and have a nice day <3

Yeah, no I didn’t get it, I’m sorry

Your Spider-Man Across The Spiderverse match is…

Peter B Parker

First of: sorry for the age gap

Peter loves it when her lover gets affectionate with him

He just loves it

He knows you’re pretty emotional and so if anyone would hurt your feelings bet your ass that he’s not gonna let that slide

Pete might not get physical with the person at first but if it comes to it he’s not afraid to indeed get physical

Teases you about your height 24/7

You can’t stop it

He is just like that

Loves to run his hand through your hair when cuddling

Compliments your eyes a lot

Peter is not really into makeup and overall that stuff

But he’d let you sometimes put some makeup on him for fun

Tries to listen to your music playlist but I don’t guarantee that he will like it

He refuses to adopt an alive bunny or a rabbit

So he buys you a stuffed bunny

I think he bought it around your birthday or anniversary

Peter does tend to forget your birthday etc

So he puts a reminder in his phone but hopes you’ll never find out

Loves to take care of Mayday with you

You can almost be jealous of the attention she’s getting from Peter

Never lets you on missions with him as he doesn’t want you to get hurt

Takes you on a date in a restaurant or prehaps a picnic

Cheek kisses all the way

#request #headcanons #matchups #spiderman across the spiderverse #peter b parker #peter b parker x reader

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sunnyrifle · 2 months

Text

GtK ending aftermath (ramblings again)

GinMori brainrot obviously! but hope it's a fun read

⚠️⚠️unedited, also NO ONE in this conversation is a native english speaker (some parts were translated or held in other languages as well)⚠️⚠️

KongMengDo: I want to see something like that

Ginji-san, he said he let Morita go to test him... but in reality, he's been keeping an eye on him the whole time, not always thorough (like when the car showed up just in time to pick Morita up at Kamui)... but on the day Morita announced his retirement he decided to let Morita go… I want to see Ginji in his study, burning surveillance reports on Morita with a lighter and throwing it in the ashtray.

Ginji feels empty after throwing away all the traces of Morita that he has, but he doesn't regret it, until one day he finds Morita's signature on a crumpled receipt in a cupboard at home, and after fiddling with it for a while, he puts it in his wallet. But as time goes by, the letters on the receipt start to fade...

When Ginji has his hands full, Ryohei takes the card out of Ginji's wallet for him, and is about to throw it away when a white piece of paper comes out, but Ginji says, "Leave it be."

"Why? It doesn't have anything written on it..."

"It doesn't matter, keep it."

"Okay..."

And then later on, if something happened to his wallet or something, and he ended up losing the scrap of paper, Ginji would have a rare smile on his face...

On the other hand, after Morita leaves Ginji, he misses him terribly and searches frantically for any trace of him, any remnants of his things, but Morita doesn't have any of Ginji's things.

Morita is devastated. Who were we to each other, Ginji? Did I ever have your heart? We used to share the bed and even lived together, but as soon as I decided to leave, everything scattered like a mirage... I feel like I dreamed a false dream... From the beginning, the dream of becoming “gold” and the idea of having a country were all illusions…

All of those dreams were not for me. I'm...

Morita is shocked to see Ginji with Ryohei... < I want to see this, and I think this is some kind of soap opera....

Akira: aah I really enjoy this taste yes... because actually it was such a short time they spent together, a few years, 3 years at most? if Morita encountered no traces of Ginji when he left Morita to test him, then Mori tried hard to return to his side and achieved some unbelievable heights in the meantime... he spent at least a few weeks just listening in at the restaurants, then came up with elaborate plans... but I bet Morita had times when he asked himself "what if I was just fooled? What if Ginji doesn't care if I even achieve anything? then I'll become a villain for my own sake only"

but now it was Morita who left Ginji by his own decision... I bet it feels like he went out of the fog that was there for at least a few years, and Morita is lost because of the clear view... What would I do if I was only good at navigating the murky waters before?

actually Morita is good at a lot of things, but I want him to think that he was only good at what Ginji praised him for hehehhe at least for the first few years he'd have to relearn how is it to trust your own judgement to navigate civilian life... Kamui trauma on top of it

So of course the more Morita spends time without Ginji the more the underground and the villains' side, the whole night business, feels like a weird dream... the green jacket and suit pants torn in the Kamui accident, maybe he threw those away as well...

So one day I hope Morita would wake up realising he doesn't believe Ginji was an actual person in his life... and get scared by the thought. Morita would try searching for anything that reminds him of the time they spent together, a postcard, a letter, any old photo...

of course there wasn't anything left and by the time Morita is out of breath in the middle of his apartment, he'd have tears in his eyes, after all you can't chase the dream or misty fog after it's long gone

"What was I even doing? All the luxury restaurants and hotels, we drank and ate and spent time together, but we avoided all the important things... now I have no trace of such an important person from my past left" and maybe it'd feel crushing

even if Morita decided long ago to not search for Ginji again, he didn't want to pretend it all didn't happen, he wanted a proof that his heart was broken not without a reason, not because of the dream he had seen, but because of something he actually held in his hands once--

ah, but I know the thing that Ginji left for Morita~ maybe it's cruel but it's true, the only things that will never go away... the scars

because wouldn't it be fun to see Morita realise, in the shower, out of blue, or getting dressed up, that the stripes over his hands and legs, even if they don't hurt at all now, are something left as a proof on his body? ah, did the knife over his heart leave the scar as well? hehehe

I'd want Morita to hazily trace his fingers over the old wounds and try so hard to remember the pain they brought, because it somehow returned the good memories alongside it, that he somehow tried to convince himself that he could still smell roses alongside antiseptic as well...

I would really love to see Morita struggling, not only to live by himself, but bringing this into new relationships too... if Morita were to have a one night stand or even date someone, wouldn't he be weird about it? sitting down at the edge of the bed after the night, smoking and tracing his scars, thinking of a person long gone from his life?

I would really like to see Morita change his cigarette brand to Ginji's after a while hehehe... chasing a dream so distant you forget if maybe you created that dream by yourself in the first place... ah I want Morita to feel heartbroken sometimes on the worst days he has;;

KongMengDo: Oh, right... Morita has marks left from Gin-san on his body that he can never lose! I forgot about that for a moment haha Even if there comes a moment when the time he spent with Gin-san feels like a dream, the deep scars will remain on Morita to remind him that it was never a dream.

Ah, this is so good! The traces of Morita left for Ginji will be easy to fade, but the traces of Gin-san left on Morita will never be erased. I think this contrast is really good!!!

Akira: Actually, I like that Morita wasn't depicted with scars not even once, because then we can deduce Morita left empty-handed “dry from the water” into civilian life... but that's not true, he went through at least two massacres, he has bullet wounds and cuts...

poor Morita who was avoiding his scars when he just got them, because they brought unwanted thoughts to him when they were fresh, now were his only treasure

KongMengDo: ahhh... A relationship that can only be remembered with hurt and pain... it's so cruel and so good...

Akira: and then Ryouhei! oh I would like to see Morita jealous or angry... I'd be a nice parallel if he'd see Ginji with Ryouhei on the horse races, freeze in his place and lose Ginji in the crowd, but when Morita comes to his senses, he's so angry?

I want to see him throwing things on the ground again, stomping, but now cursing not the betting tickets, but Ginji he just saw. Because even if it's naive, wouldn't Morita hope Ginji was left as heartbroken as him? I bet Morita, who didn't move on, would wish for Ginji to never move on too

KongMengDo: It's really nice to imagine Morita being jealous of Ryouhei. It's especially good that Morita doesn't actually realise that Ryouhei is a mere tool to Gin-san. When Ginji realises that Morita is misunderstanding their relationship, will he try to explain it to him? That Morita is more important to him than Ryouhei? Probably not, because he's honouring what Morita said when he was leaving... I don't think he'll make Morita regret leaving him

Akira: Gin-san is so generous ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ah but I like the scenario of Morita calling out Ginji's name by an accident... I like that he'd see Ginji, call for him, and see him turn head, but his hand is draped over the shoulder of some other young man... aah I bet Morita would be furious

maybe they'll agree to a short cafe break together somewhere nearby... maybe Morita had a lot to say to Ginji before, but now his thoughts are scattered... and Ginji would look so nonchalant, smoking before the cup of coffee, not raising any questions and starting a talk- it was so unhelpful to Morita, he only started to assume that Ginji sat there in front of him because Morita asked to, because Ginji just indulges him with a favour - not because he wants to have a short conversation with Morita after such a long time of course...

when actually Ginji would be smoking nervously hahaha I want Ginji to be so out of place, he'd try harder to appear casual, maybe leaning off the table, elbow on the chair back, cigarette between his fingers that cover his mouth- everything, but looking at the Morita... so he'd miss Morita glaring at him in fury in return hahaha

ah would be cruel if Morita's first question after years of separation will be "Who is this guy?"

I want Ginji to be taken aback by the voice but also not miss the anger in Morita’s voice-- and I want Ginji to snicker and finally see Morita's expression... and smile, because he really missed Morita, and now he was graced with such a rare view? Morita was rare to be jealous before and now he's changed but he's still the same in some ways too

I actually want them to bicker haha I want Ginji to play himself over and nudge Morita with vague answers about Ryouhei, so Morita would have no choice, he won’t remember anything he actually wanted to say to Ginji when they just met... and then they'll separate on such a bad note? hehe, I want them both to regret their decisions during the small meeting... I want them both to make incorrect conclusions about each other too...

"Ginji just used me, he doesn't care about me, maybe he never did"

"Morita is as naive as ever, no wonder he retired so soon"

But after that the anger and frustration will disappear slowly... they'd both be stuck with realisation they are just fooling themselves with short lived emotions... and the precious time they had together in that small cafe... they wasted it. Like they wasted a lot of the time they had together before, doing so many things and visiting so many places, but avoiding the most important things right until the end... not confronting their own feelings about each other... and now they did that again. Maybe it'll bring the smallest smiles to them to think about the irony of that... and maybe hope their next short meeting in the crowd would not be so embarrassing as if they're the divorced old couple haha-- I hope they'll at least do a good handshake next time and smile at each other heh

Morita's blood boiling because of Ryouhei presence is amazing... ah but maybe even if he'd think to accept Ryouhei being at Ginji's side, he'd still be bitter and ignore the guy hehhe

#ginmori #unedited scenario

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urboymutual · 2 years

Text

i need a penny in my back pocket for good luck

this a fic about latine winchesters, more specifically sam’s disconnection from spanish as i headcanon him as not being fluent in spanish as compared to dean.

sobrenatural day 2: language

the radio is playing some tex-mex song when they finally pass the welcome to texas sign. sam blearily rubs at his eyes, the sun shining down brightly on him. surprisingly, dean is singing along like it’s any old led zeppelin song on the radio.

“i didn’t know you liked this kind of music,” sam says, eyeing dean wearily as he watches him pull off the highway onto a dusty side road.

dean’s in the middle of the chorus singing- “lo que hicistes fue muy fatal”- when he finally replies.

“i’m not that white washed sammy,” dean jokes. “‘sides i’ve hunted a few times in texas, and sometimes you kinda pick that stuff up.”

dean’s joke about being white washed cuts through sam and he frowns. it’s not like he wants to be some type of stuffy, first generation “no sabo” kid. sam wants to know what dean’s singing along to, wants to know what “ya voy a quemar esta ilución” means, and maybe wants to sing along himself. instead, he rests his head on the passenger window and heat stinging his scalp.

– ☆ –

they pull into a parking lot of a taqueria with a few ghoul guts staining their shirts. dean pointed out the taqueria on their way to the cemetery, pointed out how the faded “ria” and one broken window meant the food was going to be very good.

“it’s the hole in the wall kinda place, bet you the menu won’t even be in english,” dean said and sam shifted uncomfortably.

they enter the restaurant and are quickly greeted by a woman behind the counter. “hola,” she says, a big smile on her face and wrinkles by her eyes to emphasize the authenticity of the smile. she looks very motherly, putting the virgen de guadalupe pictures hanging on the restaurant's walls to shame.

sam shifts uncomfortably, again, as a weird feeling stirs in his gut. she almost reminds him of his mom.

“¿qué te gustaría comer, chicos?” she-- sam assumes-- asks. dean’s already turning to sam, ready to ask the same thing but in english. sam beats him to it.

“just get me three chicken tacos with lime and avocado,” sam tells him. then he awkwardly adds, “and uh- una soda de naranja.” he winces at the way the r’s roll off his tongue and he can see dean has a teasing look in his eyes. sam knows he’s going to be hearing “nar-rang-ha” in a pale imitation of his voice all the way back to the motel.

dean turns back to the woman with a charming smile on his face and begins to order in spanish for the both of them.

sam makes his way to one of the empty tables, resting his head in his hands as another virgen de guadalupe poster on the wall stares down at him disappointed.

dean returns with a cheap table number marker and what seems to be a churro, he’s still eating it when he tries to talk.

“heespank mosh loge me,” he says. well, this is one language sam knows how to translate. “hispanic moms love me,” is what dean actually means to say.

“don’t talk with your mouth full, you’re getting cinnamon everywhere.” sam replies, nose wrinkled in distaste.

dean flashes him a grin, showing off both his teeth and the food piling in his mouth. “you’re just jealous carla likes me more than you,” dean quips, this time without his mouthful.

sam frowns, turning his head to look outside to hide his frown. “yeah,” he wants to say. “i am jealous because maybe if i could speak to her in spanish, she’d like me too.”

– ☆ –

“ugh,” dean groans with his pinky in his ear, picking around. “i think i got ghoul guts in my ear.” he takes his pinky out of his ear to inspect it– and yup, sure thing there seems to be black goo on his finger.

“that’s so gross dude,” sam frowns. he hesitates before putting his own pinky in his ear to see if he has some too. luckily, he seems spared.

“that’s what happens when you play bait,” dean replies. “you get up close and personal with these douchebags and the next thing you know, your brother is shotting it in the fucking head and it’s guts are all over you.”

“sorry,” it’s a half hearted reply, a tiny sly smirk on sam’s face.

“yeah, thanks,” dean rolls his eyes. “that’s why i’m showering first.” he swings open the motel room door after turning the key and beelines towards the bathroom, dropping his stuff as he goes.

“no wait!” sam calls out, trying to get there first but almost tripping on dean’s discard stuff. he is met with a door slamming in his face. “yeah, well i have ghoul in my hair.” sam mutters under his breath as he makes his way to his bed.

he doesn’t bother laying down in bed, instead he sets his stuff down and grabs a five out dean’s wallet. closing the motel door behind him, sam heads to the vending machine for a water and small snack.

unfortunately, a sign posted on the vending machine reads “no funciona” which sam is able to piece together as “not working” with his bare minimum spanish knowledge. so instead he makes his way to the front desk where he remembers the motel desk clerk was selling snacks.

its a short walk in the warm texan night and sam wonders how much darker he’s going to get from being out in the sun all day. his right hand unconsciously pulls the sleeves of his hoodie down more to cover his skin. its natural, too natural like walking.

the door of the motel lobby makes a loud ding sound when he enters and the desk clerk greets him with a wave. he nods back, small smile on his face as he reads the snack menu. it’s all in spanish though. the basic words “agua” “papas fritas” “galletas” and “jugo” sticking out to him.

sam clears his throat awkwardly to get the desk clerk to look up from his magazine. “um puedo- puedas dame un agua y galletas?” he asks in his broken spanish. the desk clerk nods, grabbing a water bottle and a bag from under the desk.

“es-” the desk clerk starts. “is 3.50 dollars” he continues, switching to english for sam’s benefit which only makes sam frown.

he places the 5$ bill in the man’s hand before hurrying off with his stuff, not bothering with the change. how would he even say it in spanish? es por tu? he shakes his head at himself as he fiddles with the motel key.

the door to his and dean’s room finally opens where dean is sitting on the bed freshly showered and chewing on some beef jerky. “hey,” he calls out. the television is playing some type of mexican telenovela, a lady screams angrily in spanish and sam doesn’t even bother to tease dean about his television choice.

instead he just flops down into one of the motel chairs with his own snack, the bag crinkling as he opens it.

then he wonders why god is so cruelly punishing him for not knowing spanish when he realizes galletas mean cookies. not chips. and all he wanted were chips.

– ☆ –

sam wakes up to arguing– arguing in spanish and he wonders if dean forgot to turn off the tv last night. but no, it’s just dean and cas arguing in spanish which makes sam frown. he doesn’t like being kept in the dark and dean knows his spanish isn’t good enough to follow the current conversation.

it’s like rapid fire, once the words are uttered from castiel’s mouth dean is already three words into a new sentence.

“yo soy! lo estoy vigilando!” dean argues, scowl on his face which just seems to set castiel of more.

“todavía puedo olerlo.la sangre del demonio sobre él.” castiel fires back.

an uncomfortable feeling settles in sam’s stomach, the feeling usually makes it’s self known when castiel is speaking spanish. he feels almost like… a bratty child of some sorts and spanish is a toy he desperately wants. sam’s internally screaming at cas, “not fair! gimme, gimme!” he just wants to speak spanish too.

it isn’t fair castiel, with his angelic abilities is able to speak any language in the world. “you can have the others, cas. just let me have this one language.” he thinks.

castiel must of sensed that sam was finally awake because he turns away from dean– dean who is in mid sentence- to say “good morning, sam.”

“uh, hi, cas. good morning to you.” he says awkwardly, slight red on his cheeks from getting caught eyes dropping. (if you can even call it that.)

“yeah, uh good morning sam. listen i was just telling dickless here that you-” before dean can finish, there is the slight fluttering sound of wings and castiel is gone.

“hijo de puta!” dean swears at cas’s disappearing act.

at least sam knows those words, in fact he knows 10 ways to cuss in spanish because dean thought it would be funny to teach 10 year old sam swear words. sam wishes dean taught him more.

“just get your stuff, we have another hunt. up in idaho.” dean scrubs at his face, exasperated. he moves to pack up his own stuff and to slide on his boots.

sam copies him, throwing his dirty shirt in his backpack and pulling out a new pair of socks. he’s almost done when he notices that he can’t find his phone. the last place he remembers leaving it was on the motel nightstand but it seems to be gone. “dean” he calls out while he looks.

“ya?” dean replies from the bathroom, obviously brushing his teeth.

“did you see where-” he pauses as he notices a small book in the nightstand drawer. it reads “spanish-english dictionary” in black bold letters against the yellow cover. it only takes him a moment to decide to slip it into his hoodie pocket. and his phone flashes with an incoming email allowing him to notice it fell on the ground beside the nightstand.

“what did you want?” dean asks, poking his head out of the bathroom.

“nothing, are you ready?”

“just washing my hands,” he replies.

sam heads out to the car, backpack slung over his shoulder and his right hand gripping the spanish-english dictionary tight in his pocket. like it would fall out and alert everyone in the nearby vicinity that he was “one bad latino who didn’t even know spanish.”

at the car, he quickly opens the trunk and moving stuff around to reach for a crusty looking book that reads “law for dummies” a gag gift dean got him for his birthday once. its large enough to hide the small spanish-english dictionary. he carelessly throws his backpack in the trunk before sitting in the passenger seat.

“finally putting that book to good use huh?” dean jokes as he slides into the drivers seat and notices sam’s book.

“yeah.” he mumbles as the car roars to a start and they are back on the road again.

sam looks down at his spanish-english dictionary, flipping it open to a random page and the first word he sees reads.

learn-aprender

#if there r grammar or spelling mistakes u did not see it amen <3 #i just really wanted to get this out asap #bc i have to sleep soon jfhdfj #but yeah i think in latine winchesters well at least mixed latine winchesters sam struggles with not knowing spanish as well as dean #this could be guatemalan winchester fic or just general latine #latinenatural #latine winchesters #latine sam winchester #sobrenatural celebration #sobrenaturalcelebration #dsobrenatural #spn fic #supernatural fic

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