#and also arthur whom i also care for very much

[parchmentknight]

horse girl is a state of mind

at first i was like "who tf this scraggly weak bamboo whiny ass loser" but now??. thats my son (untied him from the tree and watched him walk around camp like 😲😲😲) (holy shiet hes walking around)

also why is arthur so mean to kieran shouldnt you two be talking about horse care and making neighing sounds or something

[echoesofcamelot]

Do you ever stop and think about the absolute merthur bliss that Merlin season 1 is?

Seriously. Consider:

First we have the gayest first meeting in history with lines like 'Do you know how to walk on your knees?' and 'I could take you apart with one blow - I could take you apart with less than that.’ We end the first episode with Gaius referring to Arthur as Merlin's destiny: 'Your destiny is calling. You'd better find out what HE wants.'

Then in the second episode a dragon calls Arthur Merlin's other half: 'A half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.' Soulmates alert!

3rd episode and the dragon calls them two sides of the same coin. Also Arthur says he can’t imagine giving up his life for someone because he hasn't found the right person to love. Which makes the events of episode 4 even more significant.

4th episode and they both try to die for each other. More than once. Also they are so soulmates that Merlin can see what Arthur is doing while he lays unconscious and sends a light to guide him while MOANING HIS NAME.

5th episode and Arthur is jealous of Lancelot because Merlin seems so enamoured with him but then he develops a crush on Lancelot too and tells him he needs him???? Merlin casually asks Gwen who she'd choose between Arthur and Lancelot like he has that very same dilemma.

Episode 7. Arthur shows some interest in a girl for the first time but only because he is under a spell. Merlin literally kills his love interest and then dives into a lake to save Arthur from drowning and holds him like he is the most precious thing in the world.

Episode 8. Merlin ponders leaving a child to die because he might kill Arthur when he grows up. He says that the boy dying would be bad, but the alternative (Arthur dying) is UNTHINKABLE.

Episode 9. Uther fucking Pendragon gives Merlin his blessing. 'There is a bond between us.' 'I'm glad. Look after him.' (They were so insane for this actually)

Episode 10. Arthur follows Merlin to his village and sleeps on the floor with him and asks questions about his childhood in the quiet of the dark. Merlin overhears Morgana telling Gwen about how much Arthur cares about Merlin. Merlin's mum tells him how obvious it is that Arthur likes him and tells him she has seen how much they need each other. So yeah she basically gives Arthur her blessing too :,)

Episode 11. They try to die for each other again. They literally argue about who is going to die for whom. Arthur wins and a curse is lifted thanks to the love he has in his heart. His love for Merlin saves the day!!!!

Episode 13. Surprise! Merlin tries to give his life for Arthur once more. 'His life is worth a hundred of mine.' He cradles Arthur's head in his lap while Gaius gives him the magic cure and then smiles and laughs filled with relief when he finds out Arthur will live even though that means he will die in his place. When Arthur recovers he says he has this feeling that someone is always watching over him and Uther tells him that he must have a guardian angel. Yes you've heard right they call MERLIN ARTHUR'S GUARDIAN ANGEL.

First season has no subtext it has bold underlined text and I love it SO MUCH.

[fatdink]

modern/90s vdl gang au… i’ve succumbed to the illness

— arthur is 36 divorced dad. he’s still pining over his high school gf (he sees her sometimes tho fr like he still has a shot with her fr ((crazy))) and has complicated feelings towards his ex wife. he’s a good father, never late to pick up or drop off. gets issac on the weekends. does not understand the smiths but issac likes it so OK.

— he lives in an okay-ish apartment building, like it’s not falling apart or anything. he works a hoarde of jobs but like. this bitch is always doing something new. no1 ever knows what fucking job he’s working. if u need smth, best 2 go 2 him. he knows ppl fr

— john is 26, with child and having problems. he’s doin ok (liar). he and abigail r in a ‘complicated’ relationship, they’re not really together but they’re also not seeing other people and they’re co parenting and also they don’t live tgther bc john STILL.. lives at his dads’ place. he has enough money 2 move out, but he doesn’t know if he wants 2 yet. (can’t handle change). he’s a decent father, like worse than arthur but he’s ok.

— he works at some like shitty dead end job. he’s trying to get his life 2gether but. it’s hard. he feels like he’s progressing slower than everyone else and is maybe beginning to regret not going to college. he’s down in the dumps, guys. also. he’s in a band.. yeah.. a shitty little band that sounds A LOT… like nirvana, i wonder why

— hosea is 55 and still taking care of his sons. free him. FREE HIM!!!! he’s in a book club @ the library where he meets young lenny whom he finds very endearing. he’s basically retired (co-owns a store with dutch) and bonds with his young employees. he wants john to move out, but not for the reasons u think, he genuinely just wants john to get better and start taking care of his son better. a lot like in the game

— he is well liked within the community. his employees will genuinely look to him for advice which he finds sweet. he has a close relationship with arthur still and calls him when he can. he and dutch are currently in an argument about the john situation bc hosea figures that dutch coddled john too much. dutch disagrees. dutch sleeps on the couch.

[midnight-in-town]

Never thought I’d see the day cooking would be used as a power up for exorcism and to further character development :D

Can I also say it’s just so sweet that Osceola’s knowledge (who’s been a strong but secondary character until fairly recently, i love him and his design so much tho) resonates with Rin on such a personal level? 

After all, cooking is the one thing Shiro thought hard about and decided that Rin would study at home with him...

because Rin needed an efficient way to learn how to control his strength. 

Now we reached a point in the story when Rin admits to “having defeated his demon side” and controlling his flame, talking to Yukio about his doubts, and Sensei parallels it in the same chapter with...

...Rin actively learning about the field of talismanic cooking.

Also, I love how, little by little, Sensei highlights how Rin’s objectives have changed throughout the story, because of what he learnt about himself and about the dual world (made of Assiah and Gehenna) that they live in. In shonen series, the hero(es) often have one or several immovable goal(s) to achieve but Rin’s have steadily evolved. He initially wanted to kick Satan’s butt for Shiro’s death, but now...

...he realizes there’s just too much he doesn’t understand to be sure of what he can actually do. 

EDIT: To elaborate, this was foreshadowed way back, during the Kyoto arc, that without understanding of both sides Rin would never become a bridge between Assiah and Gehenna...

...and once more in the Aomori arc...

...but it’s good that he started mentioning these doubts to people around him.

After all, in that alternate future that Mephy saw, Rin became the “demon king”, leader of the demon army, meaning that Rin’s hesitation is worth expanding on, or he’ll choose one side and fight against the other before long and I don’t think this is the answer Kato-sensei is going for. Yukio (with whom he discussed in this chapter) has just always been on the more careful side of things (also he’s like 16 years old) compared to, say, Shura...

...who understands that Rin’s situation has no precedent and that, at some point, Rin has to follow his instinct (still vouching that he’ll have to travel to Gehenna to gain more understanding of the situation but hey, I could be wrong). 

Additionally, Rin also once said, early in the story, that he wanted to become Paladin, because that’s the title Shiro held before dying (and maybe also out of animosity towards Arthur), but reading this chapter, I found myself relieved thinking that Rin’s true calling might finally be upon us. :)) To say nothing of the fact that Paladins are previous Section 13′s Baal clones who are chained to the Order, I think the Paladin title (a very specific position at the top of the Order’s hierarchy) would suit Yukio or Bon more than Rin. 

Great chapter!! :D

[princess-of-morkva]

i've seen multiple times people complain about how unnatural morgana's behaviour is in season 3 and onwards, how bbc turned her into a "smirking villain.

i wanna talk about it. the smirking.

first of all, i absolutely love the smirking, but that just may be myself.

what i really wanna talk about is morgana's development.

let's try to see things from her s3 perspective:

she discovered that she has magic, which led to constant fear and anxiety (not good for mental health); she had one single person to whom she could talk about it; this person betrays her and for seemingly no reason (do you actually believe morgause told her the truth? i very much doubt it), poisons her;

she gets rescued by her newfound sister who is also magical;

she lives with her for an entire year (which gives morgause a lot of time and space to plant and nourish any thoughts abd ideas; she's clearly manipulative - this much was pretty obvious even in the series - i absolutely believe she used the tactic "we are alone against the world, morgana, i am the only one who actually cares for you, i know better" and probably a lot of guilt tripping about how she was raised by pendragons any time morgana had doubts about her methods (i should write about it separately, there's a lot of things i want to mention)

and now about smirking.

personally, i believe she is doing it to reassure herself. every time she begins to doubt, she would need to remind herself "you are in the right, it's justified". and smiling for personal reassurance is a very common, unconscious reaction.

remember how she walks out of the throne room in s3e1, giving her first evil smirk in camera? right after she and uther embraced. you can't tell me it did not remind her of other good moments with him, of the warm feelings she held for him. of that time when she planned his death and then decided against it in s1.

and of course she needs to remind herself of how now it's different. she is planning to overthrow him and she will - there is no need for this feelings and memories, uther is a bloody tyrant, she has her sister now.

and i can write such explanations for every single time. (maybe i will)

generally, i think she is lying to herself a lot, forsing down feelings and memories, more and more with every line she crosses - summoning undead army, where she causes direct harm to camelot's citizens for the first time; giving arthur the phoenix eye - where she finally extends uther's guilt on arthur fully in her mind; staging the discovery gwen's relationship with arthur - where she causes direct harm to gwen, her friend and wholly innocent person. and so on. she doesn't allow herself to doubt, to reflect on her actions, pushing everything down, lest she drowns in regret.

it would drive any person mad.

(i will do another post for s4 and s5 especially)

[skayafair]

John, Lies and Trust, and the Dark World

Okay, okaaaayyyyy I'm so normal about all this you have no idea *exhaaaale*

This is basically John's character study after all the s4 finale's revelations. The post ended up being too long, and I know how we're all here either ND or just hate long walls of text, so I broke it down into a series of about 4-5 posts I'll put here gradually. The last (?) part, the parallels between s3 and 4, is still in progress, but others are completed.

There's goint to be a general introduction, then the Dark World, the deal, John's personality after the Dark World, and S3 &4 parallels. Enjoy! I'll be glad to discuss.

Introduction

So, I've relistened to s3 and the finale once again. I'm not feeling well, fellas. The more I think about this whole deal, the worse it gets.

What initially tripped me off was how lifeless Arthur sounded after he learned about John's deal with Kayne and how easily he agreed to Kayne's offer, like he suddenly lost all the fight he used to have in him - because John betrayed him with his lies, in Arthur's pov (probably). Now, I've listened to the finale about 3 or 4 times and still can't determine if The Great Divorce is waiting for us or not. There wasn't that much time for any interactions or processing, so while Arthur sounded shocked initially, it's also Kayne they're dealing with, and, moreover, ecstatic Kayne, which is worse, and he's just blew up one person's head and yeeted another gods know where. AND he hears John, so not much room for talking things out. Maybe Arthur was just being smart and cautious. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway, because the boys were getting MUCH better at communication and established a remarkable level of trust between them. And Arthur had all the hints at what was going on in general, so. Is he an investigator or what.

So that's not what I want to talk about but needed to get this out of my system, and it leads to the actual topic.

Trust.

Trust between these two has been something like a cornerstone since the very beginning, has been tested and broken and mended a number of times, but it becomes one of the most important and prominent topics as early as in season 2. We all remember the pits, thank you very much, right.

This was an important lesson for John to learn. He... that's a bit of a projection but it seems to me like he's finding out the limits of what's what (the good and the bad, acceptable and not, hurtful and healing, etc.) a bit like I do - by hitting the extremes and gradually coming to the happy middle, like a pendulum. Once the extreme is found, he'd try his best not to go there again unless it's really necessary in his opinion. Before the pits he learned that saying and doing some things was a no-go, and lying to Arthur was one of them.

Frankly, it's almost funny how bad he was at it almost since the beginning. He's supposed to be a great manipulator, and seemed to be pretty sucessful at it at first, but lost his cool too quickly, being too annoyed by Arthur and just grumbling the orders. Even so, when he started getting attached even in the slightest, lying immediately became more difficult for him. So this is one thing we learn rather early: John actually hates lying. He's really, really BAD at it when it comes to Arthur whom he cares about, even when he's not very sure about it yet. He lies so reluctantly that it's pretty easy to spot when something's off and you don't even have to be an investigator for that.

Could it be partly because the original King in Yellow is supposed to whisper the truths any sane person cannot bear, and not just manipulate them?

Right before the pits, when they agreed to trust each other and John rolled back to lying, it wasn't just for funsies or a vicious manipulation. And he didn't like what he was doing. But, in his opinion, it was necessary, it was useful and helped him - and them - in a precarious situation. He lied about the depiction of the KiY on the wall and some other things which seemed objectively dangerous and could trip Arthur off if mentioned, but didn't take anything away if stayed hidden. And the wall carving thing was simply about John's fear. I'm not sure what exactly he was scared of, but to me it seemed as if it was of losing Arthur's trust just when they established it. They arrived to the KiY's place, what if Arthur suspects John was plotting something (when he wasn't, but how does he prove it?!), so better not to mention this. It's just a carving, who cares, they'll be fine. It probably sounds irrational, but that's how I saw the situation. And it was irrational, because John panicked.

I can't remember which ficwriter said that John reverts to lying when he's scared (pls tell me I'll leave the credits here), but I think it's a very good observation that's never come across my mind before I read it.

So he was panicking and making things up as he went, and it backfired exactly with what he was trying to avoid.

Therefore:

John hates lying and isn't good at it

reverts to it when deeply scared

learned it was a very important point to never lie to Arthur, otherwise the trust will be lost (and John values this trust a lot)

It goes without saying that the no lying rule goes both ways as both boys hate being lied to.

And right after this newfound knowledge and determination to be better John promises to never forget Arthur (mutually), then promptly loses Arthur (not being sure if he's even alive) and gets pulled back to the King.

I was impressed to learn he stayed true to his word and fought the King tooth and nail every moment he could. Even Kayne confirmed that, so it's not just John's bravado.

He won. Actually this is a huge revelation in on itself, because it shows how just strong and big part of the King John is: he's beaten the King in a battle of wills in his own realm. Think about it, just think. No wonder he defeated Yellow, too.

I bet he thought he had nothing left to lose and was desperate not to lose himself. John actually wants to live really bad, I think, and not as a part of someone else, but as his own person. but definitely together with Arthur by the way he sounded in s3 and 4

And then he ended up in the Dark World, alone, just like he used to fear.

TBC

[fluffypotatey]

*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*

PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????

I have. So many Feels. About Themst™

The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????

Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.

If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.

Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.

Indifference is the true opposite of love.

Hate is love that's gone rotten.

“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK

WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)

(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)

OK OK SO

we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?

F+ father of the year :)

he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:

(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)

also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)

UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.

UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?

not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!

UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.

ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana

now, about the double edged blade…..

as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse

way #1

i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)

MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2

MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!

MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?

UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!

to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.

the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.

ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)

way #2

compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)

ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.

ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.

we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them

(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)

on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.

notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀

however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse

looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)

AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.

UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!

so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here

Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).

so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.

OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic

sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)

when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)

however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.

[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]

anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.

SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)

^worried/protective Morgana

^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers

Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).

that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.

it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.

like honestly,

look at them T^T compared to before

their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.

fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.

like fuck, man

two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood

screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite

[qshara]

Why didn't anyone tell me there are new hot characters in Ikemen Vampire?!

Galileo Galilei (VA: Makoto Furukawa)

Same voice actor as Sherlock Holmes in Moriarty the Patriot omgggg

I am not going to lie. He looks like he has a very bad attitude, in the sense that you can be doing anything and he somehow knows how to do it a thousand times better and he's going to throw it in your face (even so, he doesn't say it with bad intentions???)

Please stop judging me with your eyes

It gives me vibes that he's a freak of order or doesn't like people touching his things or getting into his room/space/studio

Imagine being in a room with Galileo and Mozart. Both silent and in a bad mood (Dazai would say they are brothers in some way. I have no proof, but I don't doubt either)

It also gives me vibes his route will be an enemies to lovers

I think that even though he dislikes Leonardo's disorder, he is one of the characters with whom he gets along best

I'm not sure. A part of me tells me that Isaac could perhaps be a little Galileo simp

I DON'T CARE WHAT CYBIRD SAYS. I DON'T CARE IF THEY TELL ME THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS AND SLEEP TOGETHER. ARTHUR AND GALILEO GET ON BAD. THEY ARE DOG AND CAT. WATER AND OIL (definitely not because Galileo has the same voice actor as Sherlock and I kind of imagine him with a similar attitude)

Francis Drake (VA: Tasuku Hatanaka)

I'm not going to lie to you. I had to look up who the character was because his name didn't sound familiar to me

Bro is technically a pirate??? 🤨🤨🤨

HIS SMILE HIS SMILE BARK BARK

I really like his eyes...and his smile

What he says: "Haha you're so short. How is the weather underground?" What he thinks: "Omg she's so small she's adorable"

I think his route could be the same as enemies to lovers, but it started with a misunderstanding

Somehow I think he can be very nice to be around, unlike Galileo. Very chill, but at the same time worried about his things and space

Maybe he likes to drink. Could be a drinking partner for Arthur and Theo

If he doesn't have a pet parrot I want him to get mad every time someone asks if his pet is a parrot just because they think he's a pirate (Francis: Hey 😄 / MC: Are you a pirate? / Francis: 😠)

He gives me a vibe that he's always in a silly goofy mood, but that he can kill you if you bother him too much

The dynamic between the two is: I have to put up with my horrible roommate because I don't have money to buy my own home (comte, please adopt them)

They have matching clothes so they are married (and divorced at the same time)

Extra:

Francis: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."

Galileo: Opposite over hypotenuse

Galileo: Dipshit

-

Francis: Hopefully Galileo has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings

Galileo: Oh, shut up and die Francis

-

Galileo: I'm having problems with a guy...

Francis: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

-

[Francis is cleaning the house and he finds an empty bottle of orange juice]

Francis: Clear orange juice?

Francis: Oh, it's empty

Galileo, who has been watching the entire time: I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot

-

[Galileo and Francis's house is on fire, but they don't know it]

Galileo: Damn, it's hot in here

Francis: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!

Galileo: ...

Galileo: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is

Francis: What?

Galileo: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW

-

[After being defeated by the mansion's friendship power]

Galileo: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way

Francis: I almost died

Galileo: That... was my favorite memory

[missvifdor]

Lady Lesso x Reader Angst/Fluff/Smut Idea of fic:

Listen.  And if... Reader, who is a woman, an Ever and the sister of Guenevere, therefore the aunt of Tedros.  And when Guinevere ran away with Lancelot and after Arthur died, Reader had taken care of Tedros by raising him.  Time passes and Tedros begins his first year at school while Reader becomes a faculty member of the School of Good (Obviously, the same events as in the movies happen with some small modifications that I will explain). 

Reader is a princess but she never entered the stereotypes dictated to be that, she's not the type to sit there looking pretty and waiting to be rescued, she doesn't have the patience or the inclination  this side.  Reader was also a bookworm and wasn't as popular as Guinevere in their youth and that suited her just fine. 

She knows how to fight with two swords simultaneously with as much strength and precision as any Everboy and even much better, she is courageous, determined and above all she really cares about the happiness of the people in whom she cares (and not only  because it was destined to go on the side of Good).  And here is her story with our Dean of Evil.  She went to School for Good and Evil and studied there at the same time as Leonora.  And here's the thing, Tedros wasn't the only one in the family who wanted to fight to love a Never (guess it runs in the family). 

During her years at school, Reader fell in love with Leonora of Galvadon from the School of Evil.  Their relationship was secret but Reader was ready to go public and fight for the right to love Lenora, his True Love.  However, nothing went as she hoped and she ended up heartbroken. 

Leonora broke up with Reader suddenly and very coldly before they could make their relationship public, then they both went their separate ways until graduation.  The truth is that Leonora didn't want to break up, not for a second, but she found herself trapped and manipulated by Rafal into his grand plan and she didn't want Reader to get hurt through her fault. 

In short, a few years later, here they are both teachers in their respective schools and in a way work colleagues who are obliged to interact at meetings and lunches, Leonora and Reader are torn between having their hearts broken and being  happy to interact even if it's cold or awkward.  And since Leonora is Reader's True Love, she couldn't move on after breaking up with another Prince or Princess. 

Throughout the events until Tedros makes his circus to have the right to be with Sophie, when Leonora says that "Ever and Never together is repulsive" breaks Reader's heart harder and she can't really hide the hurt glint in his eyes. 

Leonora sees it though and she blames herself.  After the meeting, Leonora tries to catch up with Reader to talk to her but it turns into an argument with Reader saying "But you didn't have to come and get me anymore to explain your own word or action! I'm sorry to have you so disgusted that you feel compelled to say this so directly in front of everyone! I don't know what to say to you, Lesso. It was you who broke up with me when I was ready to fight for you! God, I was even ready to face the judgment of my own family and friends for you! So don't act like you care about my feelings and leave me alone!"  Leonora is left to fend for herself and Reader runs away crying. 

The events of the film pass, the school and the students are in danger because of Rafal.  Reader protects as many students as she can with her magic and swords but ends up injured in the process. 

When the schools have merged and Rafal is defeated, Leonora comes to Reader's bedside and confesses everything to her.  They share a passionate and intense kiss.  Reader saying "I'm all yours Leonora. Every breath, every kiss, they've always been yours and yours alone" and then it goes to with Leonora saying "Let me adore you like I should have for too long". 

Long, detailed and intense smut with Leonora at the controls to end in style.

The end. 

If there are people interested in writing it in the format they want, you can use this idea as many times as you want, I would be super interested in reading it!  Don't forget to tag me!

[hetagrammy]

I wanted to start making some family trees with a little info about the characters' family backgrounds for my Regency AU! I decided to do the biggest family first: the Kirkland-Donnelly Family! Even if she's deceased during the course of the plot, I wanted to include Lady Kirkland with all of her disaster children and grandchildren, hence why she's wearing clothing more appropriate for the 1780s-1790s.

Lady Igraine Kirkland had two marriages. Her first was to a rare Catholic member of the landed gentry, with whom she had her first three children. Although she was fond of her first husband, the marriage was arranged rather than Igraine's choice. After the death of her first husband, she remarried by choice to a viscount and had two more children. This is why Alasdair, Seán, and Molly aren't titled, but Alwyn and Arthur are. These marriages also led to inheritance issues: Igraine's first husband left her his property in his will because of Alasdair's youth. However, when she married her second husband, it became his property under coverture and therefore became Alwyn and Arthur's inheritance.

After the death of her second husband, Igraine acted as the family matriarch and managed the family's affairs, as although Alwyn inherited his father's entailed property, he was too young to manage it on his own. When she died of smallpox at 41, Alwyn was still only 15 and relied heavily on Alasdair and Seán for help. Although of lower rank, the three Donnellys are still highly respected within the family unit, and Alwyn frequently includes Alasdair and Seán in running their estate and finances. Though her brothers are more concerned with marrying her off, Molly is also trusted as a caretaker to Arthur's children and she instructs them much in the way a governess would.

After the death of his mother, Arthur joined the Navy at 14. He was very successful and quickly rose through the ranks, eventually becoming an admiral. While at sea, he sired four "natural" children who he has claimed and cares for. There's more information about where they came from here. Despite this, Arthur is still highly respected for his military career and his noble rank. The only problem now is that he needs to settle down and have legitimate children, because as estate is entailed, it cannot legally pass to Alfred. If Arthur doesn't have children, it will pass to one of his older siblings and their children- hence why Arthur wants Molly to marry someone (preferably Protestant) of his choosing in the event it should pass to any sons of her's.

[atom-writings]

Main 8 and what they find psychically attractive in others?

(Hetalia Main 8 x Reader) Their Physical Preferences!

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N i realized i wouldnt be done with the other one for a bit so this one is a little shorter. To . still. Be active. ok contiuing. WAITI ASSUMED YOU MEANT. PHYSICAL. physical is what ur getting sorry. i did not proofread this u cant make me

Trigger Warning: Some of these may not apply to you but don’t worry they would still like you <3

Alfred would love an S/O that is not very traditionally attractive! Skin marks, acne, freckles, he absolutely adores all of that! The less euro-centric you look, the more perfect he finds you.

Someone who doesn’t put a lot of effort into their appearance. He’d prefer sweatpants, a stained shirt, and scrunchies over a nicely pressed outfit and done up hair any day.

He’d prefer that his partner doesn’t physically outmatch him. Looks wise or physique wise (he’s insecure about his weight…) So he’d like his partner to be shorter than him.

Of course, he wouldn’t mind a more traditional S/O either. In the back of his mind, he still remembers his dreams of a 50s housewife. But he’d never try to hold you to those standards!

Ironically, Arthur would prefer a partner that doesn’t look very much like… most British people? Basically, he doesn’t like most of the features he has in an S/O.

This is very specific… but he’d love an S/O with interesting eyes. Just plain blue or plain brown would be fine, but those with hazel or endlessly deep black would appeal to him much more.

He’d prefer an S/O that dresses more classically, sort of like him! But… he also had his punk years. If you’re punk as shit, with piercings, dyed hair, crazy makeup, he can’t resist you!

Basically, the less you fit the norm, the more he’s gonna like you. Even if he tries to tell himself he doesn’t.

Francis is surprisingly particular about how his S/O looks.  Of course, he can adapt to anyone, but he’d prefer his lover to be rather attractive.

He wants to be able to walk down the street and have people gawk at his partner. Of course, even if they don’t, he’ll make up for it plenty <3

Someone with beautiful hair! Whether that be intricate braids, long flowing locks, or some modern, artistic style. He just loves nicely taken care of hair (why do you think his looks like that?)

He’d love a partner whose taller than him! Basically, in every area, he wants to be outmatched by your attractiveness. Which, through his rose-tinted glasses, is not a very high bar.

Yao has dated many, many people, all of whom look completely different! He has no preferences, but his dream would be someone who looks more like his country's older beauty standards.

But more important than that, he’d prefer his S/O looks more natural than anything. Too much makeup while trying to look like you’re not wearing any… is very unappealing to him.

He’d love if you had longer hair! He loves braiding hair, it’s very relaxing for him.

If you wanted him to, he’d help, but he’d prefer if you’re pretty capable of taking good care of yourself. Regular showers, skincare, things like that. 

Someone with younger features like him! But not too young, that would be really creepy…

He’d also prefer a partner who dresses well. Whether that be more mainstream or more niche styles, he just wants to see a little effort.

Ivan, well… not to be crass. But he would definitely, really prefer a S/O who was more plus size. Someone more muscular intimidates him a little, and someone super skinny makes him worry.

Looks wise, I don’t think he’d have any strong opinions. But like Alfred, he finds non traditionally eurocentric features attractive!

Someone who he can dress up and share clothes with! Even if they don’t fit, he just wants to be able to wrap you up in his jackets and not have it look too unnatural.

Speaking of which, he’d love a shorter S/O. Of course, everyone is short to him (in my headcanons he’s like 6’ 8”…) but still.

Basically, someone soft and in no way intimidating. Exactly the opposite of him!

Feliciano may seem like he values beauty more than anything, but he’d really prefer a S/O that’s cute! With chubby cheeks and messy hair-

He’d prefer if you two matched aesthetics-wise- but that can really mean anything. If you carry yourself as he does,  dress in a similar or completely contrary way, and take care of yourself.

He’d really love someone tall. Much taller than him preferably. But maybe not muscley… he’ll get a little intimidated.

Although he wouldn’t look specifically for someone counter-culture, the more creative you get with your appearance, the more attractive he finds you.

But still, he’d love someone soft and warm like him <3

Ludwig would love an S/O that’s a lot like him! Or at least, like someone from his country. But he really doesn’t care that much.

He would prefer a partner that is physically active, whatever that means to them. As long as they’re able to keep up with him a little bit on runs, while still being able to enjoy his baking.

If you’re muscley, he would love it.

Someone who doesn’t stand out that much, whose attractiveness is more understated than blinding. He finds those kinds of people to be usually quite grating…

Funnily enough, he’d also prefer a partner that has a more… stereotypically nerdy appearance? He finds it really adorable. Plus… he’s secretly a nerd too.

Kiku is a lot like Yao, but has a lot lower standards. He doesn’t value traditional attractiveness in any fashion, and would prefer an S/O that doesn’t stick out that much.

He would love a chubby S/O! As skinny as he is himself, he doesn’t find it very attractive.

Like Ludwig, he finds understated beauty to be preferable to outright attractiveness. It’s a little silly, but it makes him a lot more comfortable in your relationship knowing you’re equal.

He’d prefer someone shorter, which is a little difficult since he’s a little on the smaller side himself. But he prefers dating foreigners anyway, even though it doesn’t have the greatest track record for him…

[goodmorning-rigoberto]

> We will.

asakikuweek day 8: wedding

@asakikuweek2024

It was strange, in a nice nostalgic way, to be getting ready at that exact moment for something as important as his wedding.

Nice because he was about to link his destiny with the love of his life and nostalgic because Kiku had been feeling this urge to replay in his head every single one of the moments that had led them to this point. Hundreds of situations throughout the hundreds of years they had both lived, all concentrated in an instant. It was overwhelming to say the less, but beautiful. After all, to be able to love someone like this was a privilege.

A wedding is the culmination of a stage, it is to say "yes I do" and accept everything that comes with it both good and bad and to feel accepted, it is also to forget the past and focus on the future. A bright future in the company of the only person with whom and for whom it would be worth living it.

A wedding is giving your life away with open arms and receiving one loving heart in return; or at least that was what the japanese thought about this topics.

Getting married was not something nations did very often. Whether it was due to internal or external conflicts, disinterest in human traditions, lack of good candidates or simply because it was not required; his kind didn't think much about situations like that and it was fine. However, it was also not frowned upon to do so and he was glad that many of his peers accepted to come and celebrate such an important ceremony with them. He was glad because Arthur was also glad.

It was important to him and of course it was nice that they could have peace even if it was for a day.

The whole planet was there.

Family.

Friends.

Old souls like the both of them.

But on that day only two people were needed. People, since "marriage-like unions" between countries were called alliances and were nothing more than a mere procedure based on a foundation as fragile as human existence. At that moment he was talking and thinking about himself as part of that humanity because it was not Japan allying with The United Kingdom like one hundred and twenty-two years ago, no, that day Kiku Honda was marrying Arthur Kirkland by mutual agreement and more importantly: by love.

There were no territorial benefits or promises of wealth or contracts involved, no, in that sunny day there were only two beings wanting to unite their personal history without expecting anything in return. They were there together for love, for company and because their hearts felt like it.

And that was enough.

And that was the only thing he needed.

And it was perfect.

Most of the time Kiku did not care about the image of his nation in the eyes of the world, he did not care about foreign opinion and it was no secret that he would not think twice about isolating his beloved island from everyone again; he was fine alone, but all that changed when it was about Arthur and Kiku was incredibly happy that the blonde continued to choose him day after day to the point of proposing marriage.

To him, not to Japan.

Him, among the many options they both had.

Him, despite his personality, temper and unwavering pride.

It was nice to be so open about something for once, and he was happy it was about love.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A couple of knocks on the door of the small room he had been assigned took him out of his daydreams bringing him back to a reality that promised to be just as bright as his deepest dreams.

"Honey, would you help me with my tie?" the blonde asked, shyly, sticking his head out from the door.

"Sure, come in, allow me"

And so he did, walking directly up to meet him and steal a kiss from his lips.

"Aren't you supposed to not kiss me until we're officially married?" the black-haired man asked with an amused tone.

"I'm not supposed to see you before the ceremony either, bad luck and all of that, but I honestly can't wait. I knew you would look beautiful and I had to see it with my own eyes"

And that desire was mutual.

Attending to the british's request, he took both ends of the piece of soft and fine fabric around his neck tying it with a skill learned over the years. Now that he remembered it, it had been the man in front of him who had help him to perfect his skills with ties, suits, and western ways of dressing.

It had been so many years since that, a mere sigh in the long existence to which they were destined.

"Are you nervous, Arthur?"

"No, not really. It's just that my hands refuse to cooperate since this morning, goodness gracious maybe I'm a little nervous."

"Me too, so it's okay."

"We will be fine, sweetheart. There is nothing to worry about"

And Kiku had always felt like he could believe in his everything. If it was Arthur (as he always had been) then everything was all right.

"Yes, we will"

[pacifymebby]

Love In a Haunted House

I wrote this for @zablife 's 2k celebration. Congratulations again lovely and thank you for coming up with this cool and creative spooky little idea for a celebration!!! This was lots of fun to write, I am so sorry it's so so long, I guess I got a little carried away!!! I also hope that I've done this right and its at least somewhere in the realms of what you were hoping for!!!!

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

The Shelby Manor was everything she'd been warned it would be but it was also so much worse...

It had begun that very first night, the night of the welcome home party being held in your honour. The newly weds happily returned home from their honeymoon. Tommy and his beautiful - almost too beautiful - bride.

You had stood hand in hand whilst Arthur had made his somewhat awkward celebratory speech, wishing prosperity, wishing happiness and many, many babies, a speech which could have been written for anyone. A speech which sounded as though it had already been spoken once, for someone else, one of those other women had loved before he'd loved you.

You'd stood there at the center of the ballroom trying to ignore the clawing sensation of suspicious eyes trailing you, studying and scrutinising you. Every mumur which drifted to you over the music disturbed you, tugged at your own suspicions. The suspicion that you just didn't quite match up to the woman who had once stood where you stood now. Who had once been held by the hands which held you now, one on your waist, one on your cheek. The eyes which looked into yours, perhaps they searched yours for the echo of someone else.

Tommy had done his best to reassure you, he'd told you that his family were always suspicious of outsiders.

"We have to be careful angel, they know that, it takes them a long time to put their trust in strangers but don't worry..."

"What if I am worried Tommy?"

"If you are then you shouldn't be, they won't let you stay a stranger very long..."

At first you hadn't been certain what he meant by that, the glow of warmth in his eyes doing little to quell your nerves. However when finally you began to meet them you started joining the dots.

They were curious. That is to say they asked a lot of questions and even when they weren't asking a question their eyes shimmered and shadowed with them. Unspoken remarks, things they knew they didn't need to say. Even the little compliments they did give felt backhanded or riddled with hidden meaning.

From Aberama and the infamous Aunt Pol, whom Tommy had always talked so fond and so proud of, to Arthur, Ada, John and Finn... some of Tommy's treasured siblings, the ice had felt thick. They were all so much colder than Tommy had told you they would be. All of them icy behind their grey and blue eyes. Ada hadn't a thing to say to you that wasn't accompanied by a smirk. John had looked at you with the removed serenity of a ghost. That is to say he didn't look serene at all.

Michael, the cousin, had been reserved but his friend Isaiah had been charming, the warmest person in the room and the only person who offered you any kind of real welcome. But it was Isaiah that had started the trouble. Or at least it was the girl his laughter and summoned.

"There you are Fen, where's you sister?" Tommy had smiled at the youngest Shelby sibling as she wrapped her arms around Isaiah's shoulders and stood on tiptoe to rest her chin in the crook of his neck. Her eyes fixed on you, flickered over you and then glared cold and stubborn into your eyes.

You could only watch, struck with a shyness that Sylvia Gray was no stranger to. It happened all the time, especially when she was dressed as she was now - as if she'd just dropped in from a night at the ballet, her white tights shimmering, her silk skirt draped from her hips like wilting petals about to fall.

She had a grey, clouded gaze and when she let her eyes rest on you you felt a cold creep up your spine. Icy fingers on the back of your neck.

"Ask Bonnie..." she shrugged refusing to look at her brother. Her eyes unblinking, fixed on you. You tried to hold her gaze, tried to smile but that only seemed to make her worse because when you smiled her lips remained set, a thin line, her cheeks somehow hollowed, her expression stark. Quiet and uncanny.

You wanted to look away but you couldn't. It felt like watching two cars collide in slow motion. It felt like watching a man with a gun held to his head.

"Fen," Tommy coughed, "this is y/n," he said fixing his sister with a cold stare of his own. One which might have scared her once.

"Oh," she blinked, her expression changed in a heartbeat, her smile wide, her eyes shimmering as she clasped your hands in hers, "it's so good to finally meet you! You know Tommy didn't do you any justice at all, you're much prettier than he described..." it would have left you smiling had Isaiah not narrowed his eyes, it would have been a welcome warmth had Tommy not sighed and wrapped his arm around you as though to protect you from a chill.

"Don't worry angel, the twins are only visiting, they aren't staying long..."

"Oh," you said softly, saddened because Sylvie had so far, said the kindest words you'd heard all evening and the thought that the only sweet Shelby might be leaving in a couple of days filled you with disappointment. "That's a shame."

Tommy didn't correct you, only gave your hand a squeeze. He was beginning to wonder if all of this was a mistake.

"The twins are very defensive," he said, "they lost their mother when they were very.."

"Not spilling all our secrets I hope Tommy..."

Her voice was cold and sweet, like frost on the windows on the first winter morning. Her complexion was just as cold. She'd come out of nowhere but now she stood before you both like a waif. Her eyes cloudy and daydreamy, hauntingly distant as she gazed up at you and not at her brother.

You recognised the young man who caught her hand and tugged her back a step, his eyes looking between the two of you with what was becoming a familiar concern.

"Y/N's family now Fen, don't keep secrets in this family do we..."

"Only fools tell the truth in this family," she said her voice drifting in as though from far away. It was hard to imagine her as anything but the ghost of the dying swan you knew she was famed for playing.

"They hate me don't they?" You whispered to Tommy later. The two of you were slow dancing, your guests dancing just as slow and swaying as you. They surrounded you, moving in time with the music and yet their bodies were not enough to shield you from that clawing, unforgiving gaze.

The twins were watching you from across the room. Their eyes dark, gloomy and frosted over. They were holding hands, perfectly still. Their dresses wilting from their ghostly bodies. Their eyes followed you around the room, shimmering, haunted, threatening you quietly.

You couldn't understand how those two boys could stand so close. How they could hold their hands without catching a chill.

Yes, there was something haunted about the twins. Something which haunted you for the rest of the evening and for many evenings to come.

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

The haunting began that night. Tommy had taken you to bed the way a good husband should. He'd helped you undress, delicate fingers undoing all the little ribbons and ties which had held you together all evening. He'd dropped to his knees as he'd slipped the fabric of your silk dress down your waist, bunched it up in his fists at your hips and then dragged it down over your thighs letting it fall in a crumpled heap at your feet.

He'd kissed you a thousand times, every inch of you touched, caressed and sighed upon, made love to you and made you feel loved. And then he'd held you, he'd fallen asleep holding you in his arms, his hand resting on your back as you used his body as your bed. Your hair splayed across his chest.

But where he had fallen asleep quickly, where he'd found home comfort and rest you had found yourself restless. Worried, taunted by memories of the evening. All of those suspicious glances, all of those feigned welcomes. The short smiles. The cold eyes. The stiff way his family had spoken to you.

John who had drifted around like a ghost. Ada who had distanced herself from you. Who hadn't let Karl near you even when he'd asked to dance with the "pretty lady in the red dress."

The twins who had gazed at you the way one might gaze at a doomed creature about to stumble in the dark of an unforgiving wood.

You had thought you might have finally been about to sleep, your eyes were heavy, the room was dark but for the pale glow of an orange harvest moon.

And that's when you heard it. The whispering.

You couldn't make out the words but you were certain that that's what they were. That someone was talking to you, a voice just behind you. Coming from the walls.

"Holy Mother of God,"

"Pray for us."

"Holy Virgin of virgins,"

"Pray for us."

"St. Michael"

"Pray for us."

"At Gabriel..."

You recognised the names of the saints listed one by one, the whispers overlapping and weaving in and out of one another so that you couldn't be sure how many voices there were. How many ghosts were watching over you then.

You reached for Tommy, tried to whisper his name but something silenced you, fear caught in your throat.

You tried to strain your eyes through the dark but there was nothing. You tried to reason with yourself but you couldn't deny what you heard. The litany of the saints being whispered through the walls, soft scratching voices in the dark, dancing all around the bed. All you could do was lie there, listening, gazing up at the ceiling, saying a little prayer of your own. One for silence. For peace.

You awoke the next morning with dry stinging eyes. Your head hurt. You couldn't remember falling asleep, you could only remember lying there, stiff and still, Tommy's warm body beneath yours unable to offer even a shred of comfort to you as your heart raced, thudding in your ears but never loud enough to drown those whispers out...

"You look tired love," Tommy frowned when you pushed yourself up and away from him, his hands caught your lower back and tried to hold you still and close to him. "Come love, settle down, we've nowhere to be, stay with me eh, make the most of this privacy whilst we've still got it..."

But all you could think about were those voices. Those relentless whispers which had taunted you all through the night so you frowned and shook your head and left your husband feeling cold.

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Three nights later you lay awake. Listening.

"All holy angels and archangels,"

"Pray for us,"

You lay on your back starring up at the ceiling through the dark, eyes burning and dry, stinging with exhaustion. Your husband sleeping peacefully beneath you, blissful and unaware of your torment. Of this nightly trial you were forcing yourself to endure alone.

"All holy orders of blessed spirits,"

"Pray for us."

Shimmering ethereal voices, ghostly, fae like. They wouldn't leave you alone. Always whispering to you through the walls.

It was an old house and you weren't stupid. You'd checked the wall for cavities, done your best to examine the bedroom in the daylight searching for any tricks which could be being played on you. But you'd found nothing.

"St. John the Baptist,"

"Pray for us,"

"St. Joseph,"

"Pray for us,"

You'd taken a Bible from the library and you'd scoured it for the words you could remember from each long uneasy night but your research was fruitless and every night since moving into Arrow House you'd found yourself haunted, lying awake unable to tune out of the sound of your racing heart and those frantic weaving whispers which tangled around your bed like a cloud of cursed mist.

"All holy patriarchs and prophets,"

"Pray for us..."

The morning after the second night at Arrow House you'd been lingering around the archives in the library, fingers skimming over the spines of books which documented the history of the local area.

"Taking a history lesson love?" Asked Polly who had been resting on a chaise longe not so far away. You'd turned to her, feeling shy, feeling silly. Trying to hold back the question on your lips.

"This house Polly... is it haunted?"

But the woman had only smirked, her eyes full of shadows, all these things she knew that you didn't. Things which perhaps Tommy's previous wife had known. Ghosts which perhaps she hadn't been afraid of.

"Aren't they all?"

You'd felt like a fool, welled up with shame for having asked. Welled up with shame for having been frightened now by Polly too. She'd looked at you and her smirk had remained, hadn't faded,hadn't broken to a reassuring smile.

She'd looked at you as though she'd already made up her mind about you. It took guts to be a Shelby. Guts which perhaps you just didn't have.

You'd stewed and sulked all the day long. Loathing yourself for scaring so easily. Loathing yourself for behaving like a frightened little girl.

Tonight, you had decided would be different.

Tonight you were too tired to go on, so exhausted that you couldn't bare to lie still and tortured any longer. So exhausted that you hardly even noticed your feet slip from the bed to the cool floor, your legs carrying you against your will to the window. It was as though you were possessed. Your ears burnt with the fear you'd carried in your soul all week, your cheeks burnt with it too. You were aware of your pulse rushing through you, could feel its relentless beat in your wrists and your neck. You could hear it in your ears.

"St. Peter,"

"Pray for us,"

"St. Paul,"

"Pray for us."

As you moved quietly across the bedroom floor you felt their voices lick at your bare arms. Cold fingers crawling up your neck. Spider silk touches tangling all around you.

You needed air. You needed to open the bedroom window. You needed to look out at the still night and remind yourself how the dark can play tricks on you. How the human brain can be oh so vulnerable to suggestion.

This could all just be a terrible dream.

"St. Andrew,"

"Pray for us,"

"St James,"

"Pray for us."

Your fingers curled around the window ledge as you struggled to push the panel up over your head. It was stiff, as if it hadn't been opened for years, and when finally it came loose the scrape of wood against wood made your skin bristle. A gado escaping you. You stood frozen, holding your breath. Trying to hear Tommy's soft snores. Trying to reassure yourself that you were still alright, that you were far more brave than you thought.

But when you tried to tune into Tommy's soft snores all you could hear was the whispering...

"St. John,"

"Pray for us,"

"St. Thomas,"

"Pray for us,"

And that's when you saw her. White glow beneath the moon, dress shimmering, moving gently with the midnight breeze.

A waif of a girl strung up on a wooden cross in the middle of the lawn. Her head hanging limp, her fingers thin and lifeless. A ghost scintillating casting a shadow on the lawn.

The sound of your scream seemed to come to you from far away, from somewhere outside of yourself as you let go of the windowsill and stumbled backwards knocking into the bed, your hands clasped over your mouth.

You hit your head on the bed post, a pain shooting through your lower back as you tumbled and someone's arms wrapped around you. A voice trying to hush you... a voice you could hardly hear above that relentless whispering.

"St. Matthias,"

"Pray for us "

"St. Barnabas,"

"Pray for us."

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

"St. Luke,"

"Pray for us,"

"St. Mark,"

"Pray for us."

When you awoke you could hear them still. Your head ached and a sharp pain shot through you when you tried to use yourself up but you were determined not to appear weak and you could sense eyes on you.

They were holding hands. The twins sitting just across from you, gazing down at you where you lay on your back, head resting against the pillows.

"Oh," smiled Sonya, or was it Sylvie, today you couldn't tell, their eyes were glazed and cloudy grey identical. The cold way they watched you didn't match their smiles.

"You're awake, one of us should tell Tommy,"

"He's been worrying about you,"

You couldn't help but wonder why then they didn't move. Why Tommy wasn't there. Why both girls were just sitting there, holding hands, gazing at you as if you were a rabbit caught in a trap.

You did your best to hold their gaze but there was something so detached about them, their cloudy eyes, their sweet smiles, the way they moved in perfect harmony. It disturbed you, left you struggling to hide the tremble of your fingers as their wispy brown hair caught int he draft and moved delicately on a breeze. Reminded you of the girl you'd see on the lawn last night.

Finally Sonya stood. She dropped her sisters hand and drifted out of the room. You could hear her talking to someone in the hallway and hoped it was Tommy. You didn't want to be left alone with Sylvie for too long. Not when you were sure she'd not blinked since you had opened your eyes. Not when she was watching you now the way a spider stalks its pray. When she spoke you couldn't hide your start.

"We were praying for you, could you hear us?"

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

After the incident in the bedroom things settled, not quite comfortably quiet but just enough that for a day or two you began to relax.

Tommy had hardly left your side because you'd bruised your back on the bedpost quite badly when you'd fallen and the doctor had instructed you to get a lot of rest. You'd hit your head badly too and so Tommy had gotten himself all wound up and worried about you. The doctor had said a lot of rest but Tommy had overruled and so for several days you were confined to your bed. Head propped up on pillows, the maids in attendance constantly checking that the new Mrs Shelby was comfortable. That you had enough to drink, to eat, that you weren't going to take another turn.

Tommy spent as much of his day with you as he could. He was sorry you'd had such an unfortunate welcome into the family. That your first week at the house had taken such a sour turn. But what concerned him most of all is that so far you'd not said a word to him about what had given you such a fright in the first place. He knew you, you were a smart, brave girl. You might have been younger than his last wife, you might have had less worldly experience but you certainly weren't frail, naive or stupid. And yet something had happened, something had scared you enough that you'd screamed and fallen with such a shock as to hit your head, as to spend a day unconscious but for strange, frantic mumbling as you slept. He'd asked you several times what it was that had given you such a fright, determined to understand what had really happened, but you were so conscious of sounding like a silly little girl that you daren't tell him what you'd seen. You didn't want him to think you were the kind of immature girl who believed in ghosts.

So you'd kept quiet and you'd tried to reason with yourself. Tried to convince yourself that you hadn't really seen anything at all. That you'd simply been tired, that you'd simply been tired to the point of exhaustion. Your mind had been playing tricks on you. You'd let your imagination get the better of you. Perhaps Polly was right, perhaps every house is haunted, but you'd never seen a ghost before and it would be silly to imagine you had suddenly developed The Sight now.

Aside from Tommy the rest of the family didn't pay you many visits. Ada was busy with Karl but Tommy always told you she'd asked after you at breakfast. Polly, he said, didn't come to this wing of the house anymore. You'd tried not to dwell on the shadow in his eyes when he'd said that. The men were all busy of course. But to your surprise and guilted dismay, the twins came to see you several times. Usually when Tommy was busy with work. They offered to sit with you so that you wouldn't be alone.

"You never know, she might tell us what happened..."

"Girls talk to one another don't they Tom."

It was on your sixth morning in Arrow House that you decided to ask them a question which had been niggling at you for a little while. You feared their answer but not as much as you feared their silence. The way they watched you wordlessly, the way they sat there silently, holding hands, starring at you. No, it was better to try and engage the strange girls in conversation that it was to endure their skin crawling silence. So you asked.

"Tommy said something the other day..." you started, "about your aunt Pol,"

"You look scared," said Sylvie.

"Does Pol scare you?" smirked Sonya. They were laughing at you, they weren't giggling out loud but you could see the amusement in their eyes. You'd heard twins often shared telepathy, you wondered if they were laughing together. If they were talking about you now.

"Tommy said she doesn't come to this wing of the house anymore..." you said, "he made it sound like there was... I don't know? Some kind of reason for that? Did she used to?"

"Oh," they breathed, their voices sighing in harmony, sending a shiver down your spine. Cold fingers on the back of your neck.

"She used to live in this wing..." started Sonya, her fingers laced with Sylvia's, locking and unlocking slowly.

"These used to be her quarters actually but then..." Sylvie trailed off, her voice blending with Sonya's, the two of them talking to you so seamlessly that their voices seemed to weave in and out and mist in the air around you. The effect was dizzying and you blinked back at them, spellbound.

"She... well, its a family matter really..."

"She's a private woman, likes to keep her secrets..."

"Tommy says we don't have secrets in this family..." You said quietly, your eyes flickering between them trying to keep track of which voice belonged to which girl.

"Only fools tell the truth in this family," they said together, their eyes going dead, their lips set in a thin line. Their fingers locked together.

"Something happened to Polly a few years ago..."

"A brush with death..."

"She hasn't been the same since... she..."

"Started hearing things... started saying she could speak with..."

"The dead... dark stuff you know, she stopped eating, stopped sleeping..."

"Said they were driving her mad because they never stopped,"

"From dusk till dawn always the same... all these poor souls..."

"Always praying..."

"What?" you tried to hide the way you shook but you voice wavered, your eyes a little wide. For a second you felt your heart beating in your throat. Had to struggle to swallow it down. "Did... did she ever see anything?" you asked but before you could finish the sentence they were smirking. Their eyes glistening with another laugh. You felt stupid before they were giggling. You felt worse the longer their laughter dragged out.

"Its shit y/n," Sylvie cracked a grin, her laugh sharp as she started giggling, her sister dissolving into giggles beside her.

"Total shit, Polly just wanted the newer wing, its prettier, warmer in the winter..."

"Like we said, only fools tell the truth in this family..."

But there'd been something about their story you couldn't ignore. Something in the way their voices had woven in and out of one another. How they knew the story so well that they'd been able to tell it side by side, finishing each others sentences. Lies are never told so seamlessly.

They left you then, told you you really ought to get some sleep.

"You look like shit y/n,"

"You look worse than Sonny on opening night!"

And you did, get a little that is.

˚｡⋆♡ ༘˚🌛🦢🌜˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

You must have drifted off sometime before lunch because the first time you awoke you found a tray with toast and eggs gone cold. The silverware had steamed and condensed and when you lifted the lid little droplets of water dampened the stale dish, left dew drops on the china plate. You felt a tinge of sadness then knowing that Tommy hadn't bothered to visit you at lunch the way he usually did. Knowing that even the servants must have decided to turn on you since they'd not even bothered to wake you. Just left the tray to go cold.

You fell back against your pillows and sighed. Your eyes returning to the window where the sun shone through the misty afternoon and flocked the curtains with little rainbows. It was when you closed your eyes that you heard it begin again.

At first you weren't sure. You'd never heard those desperate murmurs in the daylight, only ever in the loneliest hours of the night. But when you opened your eyes and let them flicker around the room, as your ears strained to hear the words, you grew certain. It was that nightmarish congregation again. Praying. Just as Polly had heard.

"All holy martyrs,"

"Pray for us."

You felt a wave of desperation, of hopelessness wash over you then. Realising that though you'd hoped your torment could be explained away with exhaustion and anxiety, you were realising that perhaps this haunting was in fact real.

That these voices were the reason Polly didn't venture to this side of the house. That perhaps all houses were haunted, just as she'd said.

"St. Sylvester,"

"Pray for us."

You closed your eyes, held your hands over your ears trying to block out the voices but you couldn't. You knew the litany by heart yourself, and no matter how hard you tried the whispering penetrated into your mind and weaved its menacing enchantment through you.

You were nervous now, yes, trembling. Your eyes squeezed shut.

"St. Gregory,"

"Pray for us."

When you realised your lips were mumbling along you clenched your jaw, bit down until you could taste blood.

"St. Ambrose,"

"Pray for us."

You couldn't tell if you were asleep or awake, head swirling with a heavy cloud, a fearful cloud. The litany weaving and lacing through from dream to reality.

When you opened your eyes it was daylight. The sun through the mist, rainbows refracted on the curtains.

Two girls holding hands at the foot of your bed. their heads hanging limp. They're white nightgowns moving just as ghostly as their whispy blonde hair, caught gentle sway on the draught from the open window.

"St. Dominic,"

"Pray for us."

"St. Francis,"

"Pray for us."

You watched them in horror, paralysed with fear where you lay. You wanted to scream but there was something in your throat, your breath caught there, a lump your voice couldn't push past. So you watched in silence, willing yourself to faint. Willing them to disappear.

"All holy priests and levites,"

"Pray for us."

You couldn't see their faces, couldn't see their lips moving but you knew it was them. You knew it was their prayer which had been haunting you now for days.

"All holy monks and hermits,"

"Pray for us."

Could they be praying for their sister? The girl in the garden strung up on the cross?

Your eyes grew heavy, your body dragged down into the mattress by some inhuman weight. As sleep dragged you returning to, or perhaps just leaving your dream you felt a doomed shadow grip you. A melancholy, a hysteria you couldn't hold onto.

The next time you awoke it was evening. The sun was a wash of milky orange on the curtains which had been drawn over the window. Someone had left it open and when the drapes billowed, moving like candle flame in the breeze, you shivered to remember what you weren't sure you'd really seen.

Those two girls at the foot of your bed. Ghostly. It was the only way to describe them. Spectre like with their shadowy translucence. Their haunted prayer which drifted back to you know. The Litany going on and on and on. A hushed whisper guiding you from your restless sleep to the real world. A hushed whisper luring you now too, even now when you were sitting up, certain that you were awake. Certain that this moment now was real, not a dream.

"Be merciful,"

"Spare us, 0 Lord."

A hushed whisper guiding your eyes from your trembling fingers to the foot of the bed where instead of two girls standing over you rested a heart shaped box.

"Be merciful,"

You frowned, curious, your gaze resting on the pretty pink box. It looked like a box of chocolates. A gift perhaps left by Tommy?

"Graciously hear us, 0 Lord."

You reached for it, leaning forward, a twist of discomfort in your stomach as you picked it up, felt the weight of it in your hands. You shook it but it didn't rattle.

A gift from Tommy, you weren't so sure, nervous to hope. Nervous to hold onto the glimmer of hope it could be a comfort from him.

You fingers took the note tag and spun it round. As you closed your eyes you couldn't help but join in with those whispered prayers...

"Be merciful,"

[fandomwriterstuff]

Exist for Love (Chapter 1)

James Potter x Reader

Chapter Warnings: reader is a child in this but is going to age up very quickly in the coming chapters

Word Count: ~2,000

Chapter 2

Your childhood was what you would consider a lonely one. You’d only ever had one friend, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. You tried to be a very social and friendly little girl, but your playdates with others were limited in order to keep you safe. The children of your parents’ close family friends were to be the pool of children you could select from.

You gave your parents and servants quite a fright every time you ran outside the manor’s stony walls to peer through the gate at passerby, wanting to make friends with each and every one. You shouldn’t have felt lonely, though. The aforementioned close family friends had very many children, but to you it felt like slim pickings. 

There was, of course, the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black (or so they called themselves), with several children around your age. There was Narcissa, a stoic and cold child. You always felt she’d been jealous of your status, even as young as you were. Then there was Bellatrix, a girl who gave you a sense of unease you could never shake. It was something about her unhinged smile and cruel treatment towards the servants. Then there were the mysterious brothers Regulus and Sirius, whom you saw very infrequently. Sirius was to be the head of the family at his coming of age, and Regulus was a very quiet and clever boy. You gathered though, after a bit of eavesdropping, that Sirius was a rather troubled child. 

Your parents were also very close with the Weasley family. There were three boys, and though Arthur was near your age, he was quite an odd one. Always wandering out into the world to spend time with the people of the kingdom. You were green with envy, of course. You’d only ever wished to leap over the gates surrounding your home and spend time with others. 

Last, but most certainly not least, were the Potter family. Euphemia and Fleamont were perhaps the most trusted of your parents’ friends. Their son James was your most cherished treasure. Though treasures were something you had so many of, James was unique and indispensable. 

From an early age you’d shown an interest in each other. You would most definitely say that James was your best friend. You spent what your parents considered an indecent amount of time together, but how could you not? Every moment with him felt like you were laying on soft grass, the sun kissing your cheeks, content. 

Though, you knew you couldn’t always continue on playing with James every day. You had very many responsibilities as the only child of your parents. They were unable to conceive again after you, and therefore you were the crown princess. With no other alternatives.

But you thought you would have more time with him than you would actually have. Because at age eleven, along with many of the other children you were ‘allowed’ to spend time with, he went to a special boarding school. 

“Why can’t I go?” You’d had this conversation before, but nothing had ever felt so unfair as this. Your peers were all going to boarding school, you were being separated from your Jamie, all the while you had to stay and be educated within the grounds. 

“You have a different set of skills you need to hone, your highness. Boarding school isn’t fun anyway,” your tutor was trying to placate you. He was a scholar from the Malfoy family. A wealthy noble family you didn’t much care for. 

“I don’t want to learn about politics and etiquette! I want to learn about the stars, maths, and philosophy!” You complained, and your tutor raised his eyebrows at you.

“You hate mathematics, I would know,” you pouted at his words and resisted the urge to run your fingers through your hair in frustration. Your lady-in-waiting would have your hide for ruining the updo she put together. And your mother would have it for acting childish. 

“But I am a child,” you’d told her one time, at which point your father scolded you for talking back to your mother.

And so, the year you turned eleven was the beginning of your blue period. Because you, like the great artists of the world all did, were experiencing a great deal of mourning and internal turmoil. You were facing nearly nine months without your best friend, with a short break where he would come back for the holidays. 

In those first few weeks you were inconsolable, you were lonely, and all you did was study and attend meals. Your bodyguard, a distant member of the Longbottom family (and a man thirty years your senior), was the only person who could cheer you up. Between etiquette, maths, and family history lessons, he would give you lessons of his own. It wasn’t something you thought your mother would be happy about, but Charles’ literal only job was to keep you safe. So, he gave you self-defense lessons. 

“You’re eleven now, just a wee thing really, so you can’t do much damage. What’s our number one rule?” He would ask you. 

“Flight, not fight.” You recited dutifully, before quickly spouting the part you’d forgotten: “And call for help!”

“And our second?”

“If I must fight, I will do so with the goal of being able to flee.”

“And if you are unable to flee?”

“Then I have to fight for my life, no matter what.”

“That’s good, princess. Now, today we’re going to work on conditioning. How many times can you run around the east wing?”

You thought for a moment, heart beating excitedly. 

“My record is eight, but I think I could do more!” Charles grinned at you.

“That’s a good start, princess. But I bet James could run around it twelve times,” you gasped at his bold statement. 

“He could not! I always beat him in running contests!” You were red in the face, the picture of indignant, when Charles leaned in close as if to whisper something secret.

“You don’t think he’s been… letting you win? Do you?” 

And so the autumn passed by. 

You felt as if you were a spy living a double life, learning pretty princess politics and language arts and filling out your schedule with planned events and lessons… And in between them learning how to defend yourself. It was thrilling, but it couldn’t compare to the deepening loneliness you felt without James near you. 

Your mother attempted to set you up to spend time with the younger generation of the Black family, but you knew they would be attending this magical boarding school in the next few years as well, so it wasn’t worth pursuing. 

When the holiday season started nearing, snow settling quietly on the roof and warm soups filling your belly, you began to feel nervous about Jamie returning. What if he had found new friends? Well of course he would have friends, but what if he’d forgotten about you? How would you cope? What would you do if by the time his summer break came ‘round you no longer had a single friend?

These horrible thoughts were all running through your head as your lady-in-waiting tied you into a dark jewel-toned velvet dress. 

“You look lovely, your highness,” she was a few years older than you, still a girl really. She had beautiful skin, a color somewhere between yours and Jamie’s, and long curly hair. You could only hope to grow up as beautiful as she. 

She ushered you out of the dressing room and out into the hall where Charles awaited you.

“Ready, princess?” he grinned like he knew a secret, and you were highly suspicious it had to do with the gathering your parents were holding. A gathering of many of the noble houses to kick off the holiday season, and renew their friendships. Many of the heads of houses were very busy and didn’t come by the estate often. You weren’t excited to see all of them, but it did mean you would get to see James. It had only been a few months but it felt like a lifetime.

So when you stepped into the dining hall, expecting to see a dozen or so guests… You stopped short. Instead of the grand tables your parents would bring out for large gatherings there was an intimate table set for six. 

Seated at the table were your parents, Euphemia and Fleamont Potter, and your Jamie, face split open into the widest grin you could have imagined. 

Your mother had a coy smile on her face, and your father rolled his eyes lovingly.

“Well go on, I suppose a hug is in order,” he laughed as you threw yourself towards the table, and towards James. He stood just in time to catch you and throw his arms around you. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you James,” you wished you could cry, but you knew it was unbecoming to do so, especially when hugging a boy. Which was usually something you were told not to do. But, you supposed this was a special occasion. 

“And I’ve missed you, princess,” he was still smiling, you could hear it in his voice. There were rules to be observed though, so you parted from his arms (though you were loath to do so) and straightened out your skirt. 

Your dinner was lovely and joyful, both your and James’ parents sending their two young children indulgent smiles as the night went on. James told you a little about school, but you would have a few weeks to learn more.

“Could we go for a short walk outside?” James asked your parents after dessert was served. “With Charles of course,” he added hastily.

With the permission from both your parents, and with Charles’ supervision, you and James grabbed your winter coats and stepped outside. 

James seemed to know where he wanted to go, leading you towards the gardens. Once you were surrounded by snow-laden bushes and pretty winter blooms, he brushed off a bench and gestured for the two of you to sit down. 

You were sure your nose was red with the cold, but James had reminded you to wear your mittens and earmuffs. 

“I wanted to tell you about what I learned, and I couldn’t do it inside,” he was throwing that huge grin at you again, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “I’ve been taking astrology classes, and I wanted to show you all the constellations that are out tonight,” his cheeks were reddening, with cold or possibly with emotion, you weren’t sure. But at the mention of constellations you brightened. You always wanted to learn about the stars. 

As Charles stood by, you stared up into the darkness and listened as James told you a story about the Greeks and the stars. He was animated, gesturing and pointing them all out for you. 

“Two of my roommates are in my astronomy class as well, though we’re always getting caught up in mischief. You know me,” he laughed a little at himself and you nudged his shoulder with your own. 

“You? Mischief? There’s no way,” you joked, eyes lingering on the snowflakes in his eyelashes and hair as he laughed. He was a lovely sight, and the art lessons you’d taken reminded you of the word: chiaroscuro. A contrast between light and dark. 

“You two must be cold, why don’t we head back inside?” Charles piped up from behind you, and you felt your bottom lip wobble as you thought about parting with James again. But you reminded yourself that crying wasn’t to be done in front of others. So when James stood and offered a gloved hand to you, you took it and allowed him to help you up. Again, you were loath to let go of him, but you forced your fingers to loosen their grip on him. 

“I’ll come back soon. You’ll see me again before I head back to school. I still have to tell you all about my roommates!” He really seemed to take to his new friends, but you were happy that he hadn’t forgotten you. 

Unfortunately, you wouldn’t see him again before he left, as you were taken with a fever soon after the holiday passed and weren’t able to see anybody outside of Charles and your family for several weeks. 

You did begin to write him letters though, writing about everything and nothing. The only secret you had from him was your lessons from Charles.

[isfjmel-phleg]

Most of Grant's solo is motivated by his need to learn who his real parents were. But even though he does find out the truth, his relationship with the parents he never got to meet (or rather with the idea of them, with what could have been) never quite gets resolved, and I would love to see this revisited now that he's alive again in recent comics.

After a lot of dead ends and red herrings, Grant finally learns from Vandal Savage, who was responsible for the experimentation done on Grant and for placing him with the Emersons, that his real parents were Al Pratt (the Atom) and his wife Mary James.

Mary was murdered shortly after giving birth, her baby was taken away to be experimented upon, and Al had no idea that any of this had happened. He died in the Zero Hour event, about twelve hours before Grant got dragged in to save the day. They so narrowly missed each other!

Grant, like most of us, isn't well-informed about every obscure Golden Age JSA hero, so this revelation doesn't have any context for him. He knows his parents' names, but feeling actually connected to them...? Not so much.

(Damage #12)

It gets even more complicated with the additional reveal that although the Pratts were his biological parents, he was injected with the DNA of many other superheroes. The primary donor of these was J'onn J'onzz (Martian Manhunter), but Grant is also genetically related to

Barry Allen (Flash)

Johnny Chambers (Johnny Quick)

Arthur Curry (Aquaman)

Joan Dale-Trevor (Miss America)

Jay Garrick (Flash)

Ted Grant (Wildcat)

Carter Hall (Hawkman)

Shiera Hall (Hawkgirl)

Hal Jordan (Green Lantern)

Ted Knight (Starman)

Dinah Drake Lance (Black Canary)

Dinah Laurel Lance (Black Canary)

Libby Lawrence (Liberty Belle)

Charles McNider (Doctor Mid-Nite)

Ray Palmer (Atom)

Alan Scott (Green Lantern)

Rex Tyler (Hourman)

So not only does Grant have parents whom he knows nothing about, but he also has eighteen other "parents," some living, some dead, whose combined DNA has contributed to the powers he's still trying to adjust to. So many good people whose child he could technically be considered, and yet he still ended up raised by the abusive Emersons, who had no real connection to him. It's a lot to process. He is overwhelmed and confused--but he still wants to make contact with his real parents in the only way he can now.

He asks to be taken to their graves.

(Damage #15)

Several of his JSA "fathers" (Jay Garrick, Alan Scott, Ted Grant, and Ted Knight) come to the cemetery to meet him and try to make some sense of the situation. This information is just as new to them as it is to Grant, but they do seem willing to accept him and bring him into the JSA legacy.

This would have been an interesting direction to take the story: having the entire JSA take on Grant as their collective child. He used to have no real family, and now he's part of many families! But this is a dynamic that never gets to happen, for whatever reason. Although Grant does picture something like it in an illusory sequence. It's what he wants: acceptance into a family.

(JLA Titans #2)

But by the end of his solo, he's on his own, although he makes a point of seeking out Albert Rothstein, his father's godson, for information about his father--which we can assume Albert was only too happy to give. He and Al were very close.

We don't get to see here how hearing about how someone else got to have a warm, quasi-parental relationship with the father Grant never got to meet might have affected Grant, but remember this for later.

(Damage #20)

During Grant's hiatus from the Titans, he and Jesse Quick have an encounter with some malevolent beings who impersonate people from their past. Grant sees his parents and hears something from his father that he probably has always wanted to hear.

(Titans 1999 #45)

But he's still enough in possession of his faculties to question it with the painful truth. His father never met him. Never knew about him. Couldn't have cared about him. And what does that leave him with? His foster parents and their "love" that came with abuse.

His real parents died before they could know him. His foster parents failed him. His JSA parents either are dead or haven't done much to actually support him after his time with the Titans and the fight that scarred his face. By the time Grant is a young adult and has joined the JSA (who all seem to have forgotten that they're technically related to him), he's harboring a lot of bitterness toward his father.

(Justice Society of America 2007 #3)

He insists he's not following in his father's footsteps, and he is adamant about not taking up his father's mantle. He is Damage.

There's some inconsistency in this panel (Grant knew nothing whatsoever about Al Pratt before finding out they were related), but it's made clear that the bitterness comes from feeling abandoned and disconnected.

(Justice Society of America 2007 #16)

This resentment comes to a head after Grant has joined the cult of a villain who restored his face. This change in loyalties has caused a lot of trouble for the JSA. Albert tries to do the brotherly thing and talk some sense into Grant by reconnecting him to his father.

(JSA Kingdom Come Special: The Kingdom #1)

Which is something that should have happened a long time ago! Grant should have gotten the opportunity to see his parents' house and artifacts. It would have been a way to connect, especially at a time when he was more open to that, but for whatever reason that didn't happen, and he's in no frame of mind to accept this as a kindness.

Instead he projects his own jealousy onto Albert, destroys his father's belongings, uses a term for his father that is both very rude and inaccurate, and deliberately blows up the entire house.

(JSA Kingdom Come Special: The Kingdom #1)

This level of maliciousness is not normal for him, and of course it's exacerbated by the influence of the villain he's currently following, but still...he's way out of line. This is him at his absolute worst. Accidental destruction has left him with a lot of guilt before. But how does he feel knowing that he let his anger get so out of hand that he obliterated so many physical ties to his father's memory--things that meant something, if not to him, then to his almost-brother?

Well, it's never directly addressed. But he does seem to have some guilt when faced with a memorial to his father.

(Blackest Night #1)

During the Blackest Night event, when Grant encounters the Black Lantern version of his father (basically an evil zombie), "Al" spouts all of Grant's frustrations with him.

And Grant responds with what Albert tried to remind him of. His father didn't know about him. It wasn't his fault. This is some small progress.

(Blackest Night #4)

In fact, if Al had known about Grant, things would have been incredibly different. The Pratts were evidently desperate to have children, since they were still trying for one so late in life (Grant would have been born in the late 1970s, and the Pratts would have been in their fifties by then if they were college-age in the early 1940s, which doesn't make a lot of sense for the established timeline, but whatever the case, the point still stands: older-than-usual first-time parents).

Before Al even married, he was already eager to find out if he and Mary would have kids and his reaction to learning that they'd have "at least one" is excitement.

(The New Golden Age #1)

Was it confidence in this prophecy that kept the Pratts trying for a baby for so long?

If Al's relationship with Albert is any indication of what he would have been like as a father, he would have been a good one. And he would have been outraged if he knew what the Emersons did to his son. If editorial mandate had not ensured that Zero Hour went the way it did, there could have been an eventual father-son reunion that would have taken Grant's solo in a completely different direction.

But that didn't happen, and Al is still dead in the current continuity. Grant, however, was last seen in the company of one of the newly restored lost children. Is he going to adopt a mentor role now? Will that require him to reconsider his own relationships with all the father-figures he had/could have had?

At any rate, a good step for him might be to address his name. After finding out about his complicated parentage, he felt that Damage was the only name he had left. But that's not true.

What if he dropped "Emerson," the name of the people who abused him, a symbol of all that painful baggage he's been carrying around? What if he instead chose to proudly use his birth name: Grant Albert Pratt?

[elliepassmore]

Starling House review

5/5 stars Recommended if you like: dark academia, sentient houses, curses, found family, street smart vs. fantasy smart

I was very excited when I saw people starting to post pics of this book that included footnotes and fun 'non-narrative' bits. I really liked Ship of Theseus and while this book is very different from that one, I think the footnotes and wikipedia article elements are kind of similar, which I liked. Another thing I liked is that, despite having footnotes adding onto the story, the story itself is very easy to comprehend and isn't dense or bogged down in details. I definitely sped through this one!

Opal is a fun character to read from because she's definitely been hit hard by life but is still determined to do right by her brother. She's a good balance of cynical and hopeful and I liked her sharp edges. Opal has definitely got street smarts, which go a long way in protecting her, but even with those she's still unable to resist the thrall of the Starling House. Imo, that house does her just as much good as she does it, and while Arthur does play somewhat of a role in her being happier and more put together, I think the house and feeling like she has a place she belongs is a big part of that as well.

Arthur was a harder character for me to get into the mind of. He's got his own dark past and is haunted by both the literal death of his parents as well as by the greater secrets and mysteries of Starling House. He's more remote than Opal is in his feelings, so I didn't feel as in tune with him, even toward the end of the book. Part of that might come from the fact that, while Opal feels everything despite being street savvy enough to hide it, whereas Arthur is a bit more emotionally closed-off and his studious nature doesn't really lend itself to opportunities that would open him up to others. That being said, I think I did like his character overall and he mirrors Opal quite well. Arthur's also actually quite funny at times.

Jasper, Opal's younger brother whom she has custody over, did frustrate me at times, but I also understand where he was coming from. In a town where nothing is free, even clean air, he has a hard time feeling like his sister taking care of him since their mother died is anything other than something he needs to pay back. At the same time, the love between Jasper and Opal comes through clearly and I absolutely love their relationship with one another and getting to see just how much they each love each other. It's hard to remember at times that Jasper is just 16, but then it shines through in moments of teenagehood, like when he doesn't want to come home from a friend's house.

Bev is the woman who runs the motel Opal and Jasper live in, and she's a bit of a trip. She has a harsh demeanor, but it's clear she cares for both of them and her love language is just insults, lol. Charlotte, the local librarian, is the opposite of Bev and is pretty cheery, though she's willing to go balls to the walls when needed.

One of the central themes in this book is family, and I loved seeing how family trauma played out differently for Arthur and Opal while also being so similar. Opal only ever knew her mother, and their little family unit bounced around from car to motel, never quite having a stable place to call home. Despite the challenges that came with a free-spirited mother, Opal clearly loved her parent and was devastated by her death, though she willingly fought to keep her brother. On the flip side, Arthur knew and loved both of his parents but clearly felt bogged down by the pressures that come with Starling House. When his parents died, he was also devastated but took up the mantle of responsibility with resentment. Both Opal's and Arthur's actions are primarily driven by their familial responsibilities, and it shows in vastly different ways.

Beyond that, I really liked how the family theme encompassed taking care of one another and how family isn't always the one you're born into. None of the characters in the book live as an island, no matter how much they might think otherwise, and I liked seeing how much they relied on each other and how selfless they could be when it came to one another. Found family is something the Starling House itself seems to call for, and you can definitely see how Bev, Charlotte, Jasper, and Opal make up their own little family, and how slowly Opal and Arthur begin including each other in that 'found family' circle.

Overall, I enjoyed this book and think it was a great read for the end of spooky season. I liked how it was dark academia without being too bogged down in itself and I really loved the characters and their relationships with one another!