#and am now working on a snake like mini-game for the computer >:)

[iamdispleased]

took my productivity medicine. i started to work on schooling. i got up to get a drink. i am now working on everything but schooling.

[master-sass-blast]

Weekly Wrambles

...Hi.

(Yes, I know that’s not how you spell “rambles.” It’s for humor.)

So, uh, I know I’ve been pretty quiet for a while. That’s mostly due to needing to take time away from Tumblr so I can actually get things done, and also injuring my arm/shoulder/back when I my laptop’s ‘c’ key went out, forcing me to move to an external keyboard, which threw everything out of whack in my body -yeah.

I have a functioning laptop again, and it occurred to me that I should probably try to interact more with my followers here, generate some content, and practice talking about my projects instead of just posting them and then disappearing.

Bear with me. I’m very shy. (Putting the rest under a cut so it isn’t an assault on the dash.)

CHC Updates: The CHC is still going. I had to stop basically all writing and computer things when I hurt my arm -which was TORTURE--so I haven’t made near as much progress as I wanted. However, I’m still working on stockpiling fics on the weekends. Right now, I’m working on Children of the Gods Part Three, and I’ve got about... four (maybe idk I’m not gonna try and count right now) filler fics done, too.

Do you guys want update posts for word counts/how many fics I have stocked up? I might try doing something like that anyway, but I’m curious to know what y’all want to see.

E-Reader Stuff: I am going to try and make some E-Readers that I could put on Amazon for $2-$3 to earn some passive income. Dunno when I’ll fit writing them into my schedule but... yeah.

I think the ones I’ll start introducing first... are probably the Wild West Magic Using Cowboys/Cowgirls/Cowthems Steampunk thing, the Futuristic Steampunk Cruise Ships in the Sky Love Story that’s Sorta Ala Titantic but Not Tragic, and “DOLLS” (the only one I have a title for oops), which is a dystopian futuristic fic about beauty influencers/entertainers if it was a competitive “class” where they were filmed 24/7 for content... yeah.

A lot of my stories (fanfic, e-reader, or otherwise) are queer focused or inclusive. I’m working on educating myself so that they can be racially inclusive as well (but in a positive, respectful way, of course). If that appeals to you... cool.

(Idk what to say. Why was I made so awkward.)

Novel stuff: I’m also working on a novel series, of which the first book is called “Game On.” It’s kind of a fantasy/sci-fi fusion thing, or as I like to call it, “thinly veiled political/social commentary.” It’s got a main series that’s probably around eight to nine books and some sides series/spin-offs that focus on other prominent characters in the universe, too. I’ve actually got some art of the first main character/narrator (the main series is broken up into two mini parts that have two different narrators, don’t ask me why I did this to myself):

Her name’s Lola -and, yes, she has purple hair and silver eyes. This is because I designed her when I was fourteen, and, honestly? I stand by it. CHARACTER DESIGN SHOULD BE F U N!

She also has special powers.

I can already hear the Mary-Sue comments coming lol.

(She’s a “Glitch,” which --in the universe--means that she gains experience and abilities quickly and has some select abilities; in her case, that includes empathic abilities (her strongest ability) and abilities to make a basic “shield” around her body and fire some energy bolts from her hands (more “defensive” abilities, ala snakes having venom or hedgehogs having spikes).

Anywho. This is just me... trying to be less shy about my various projects. I normally don’t like to share things before they’re completely done because... it feels rude? Somehow? Like, I’m somehow promising a certain product, and then if I can’t deliver it in the time frame or to the scale I promised, that I failed?

I don’t know. But I do know that I want to share my stuff more. So here I am.

Yeah

Tagging my friends and CHC taglist for this to try and get a little traction on this. Want to be added or removed? Just DM me. (If I missed you, I’m sorry; I’m very tired lol.)

@chromecutie​, @marvelhead17​, @marvel-is-perfection​, @leo-writer​, @ginghampearlsnsweettea​, @lolofangirl​, @emma-frxst​, @dandyqueen​, @super-darkcloudstudent​, @girl-obsessed-with-things​, @sadstone-s​, @rovvboat​, @candle-light-writings​

[raifuujin]

MK Treasured Edition Commentary

From here, here, and here.

Volume 1

Hello, it's me, Aoyama. 

In the course of the republication of Magic Kaito I take the liberty to show my memories of this time straightforwardly. (grin) 

The Revived Phantom Thief The memorable first chapter! Actually I became a Mangaka because I wanted to write about a high school phantom (grin) and so I drew it under great tension! Well and back then I was short of money which is the reason why his hatband around his tophat isn't shaded with screen tone… 

The Police Are Everywhere The original title „Keikan ga ippai” referred to a movie... „Taiyou ga ippai”, a movie with Alain Delon („Purple Noon”). Detective Doron is an allusion, too, because „Delon” is written as „Doron” in Japan. (grin) By the way! The words „When you bend them, they...” Kaito announces the light-emitting diode were literally written on the package of one of those things I purchased on a public festival as a kid. (grin) Appearantly they're actually known as „glow stick”.

 The Clockwork Heart A science-fiction-thriller! A rarity for Kaito (grin). I recall that I perceived it as really exhausting to draw all the parts of the robot and that I had no computer, so that I had to write Kaito's farewell letter by hand (Haha!). By the way! In the panel the robot says „I'm Kuroba Kaito... Haha!!” Kaito's pupils look kinda strange (?). There I mimicked Akemi Matsunae of which I was a big fan back then. (grin)

 Kaitou Kid's Busy Day Off Back then, the 3D movie „Captain EO” starring Michael Jackson was being played in cinemas and has been satirized in this chapter, although I never thought 3D movies could have been revived because of „Avatar”... (grin) By the way! When I read the closing scene today I think that the phrase „But, ice cream... still tastes great!” is my most embarrassing quote ever (grin).

The Pirate Ship Unsurfaced A sea adventure with Kaito? This is a rarity, too! (grin) I can't remember at all why I wanted to draw this story, but maybe I wanted a confrontation between a thief from the mainland and a thief of the seas...? (Ha!) Well, and so Kaito brought his costume of Kaitou Kid even to this place...?! (grin)

The Scarlet Temptress There she is! Mistress Akako! To be honest, she, as practitioner of black magic, is the reason who drove me into the corner the most during Kaitos appearances in Conan. Well, you just have to accept these works as parallel universes. (grin) By the way, Kaito Kuroba is written on the handkerchief, this probably was a prank done by his mom (Chikage)... (grin)

Aoyama Kid ♥

 Volume 2

 Stay Away From Him Although it's more of a romantic tale than a thief story I really like this one ♥ Especially the panel with „Well, excuse me for being an idiot...“ is a real gem, because of how often I had to redraw it! (laughs) Additionally, Superman and Top Gun appear... which is according to my taste! It's also revealed in this story that Aoko is flat-chested. (laughs)

Japan's Most Irresponsible Prime Minister A story I used one of my then-favourite actors Hitoshi Ueki, who has passed away in the meantime, as model! I also dared to use the Japanese prime minister - this was probably really audacious... And then characters appear who look like the past leaders of the USSR and the USA, Gorbachev and Reagan... (sweating). By the way, did anyone notice the „Akako balloon“ in the night sky? (laughs)

I Am the Master! This story was purely written because I felt like it! Anyway, I really wanted to draw how Kaitou Kid makes a balls to the wall ride down the facade of a building... (laughs). I would be nice if they one day made an Anime out of it ♫ Oh well, even if Cleopatra's Vanity case should really exist, two thousand years later one probably couldn't use it anymore... (laughs)

Would You Grow Up If I remember correctly, the hang-glider associated with Kaitou Kid lifted the first time in this story. Well, one could also say that Kaitou Kid could have fled from the get-go with it, instead of stretching a rope to the Tokyo Tower first (laughs). I'd really like to bring the motorized roller skates again.

The Boy Who Bet on the Ball It has also been really daring to take real professional baseball player as a model... (laughs). I think the story was created after I talked with my editor in charge about how thrilling it would be if Kaitou Kid appeared on a pole in Tokyo Dome. Well, the Yomiuri Giants are working together with Conan in several ways anyway, so I hope they can turn a blind eye to this... (fierce laughter)

Ghost Game If I remember correctly, I was frantically busy because I had to draw „Tantei George no Minimini Daisa-kusen“ („Detective George's Mini-Mini Big Strategy“) three weeks in a row for the Sunday magazine, so I finished this chapter in a very short time... (laughs). Directly afterwards my series „Yaiba“ started, because of which „Magic Kaito“ had to pause for a while. Hard to believe that the series is continued until today...! (laughs)

Hustler vs. Magician Originally this was the true second chapter of „Magic Kaito“! But... it was rejected! Since my debut in „Sunday“ there was never a story before or after it that was rejected. It's real luck that it made it into this volume! (laughs)

Omake „Magic Kaito“ was the first Manga I was allowed to publish as a Mangaka, which could be the reason I drew this story with zest and high motivation... Oh well, this probably was my youthful enthusiasm... (laughs)

Aoyama Kid ♥

Volume 3

Star Wars The first „Magic Kaito“ story I drew in the Heisei era (since 1989 -editor's note). There are several stories in which someone tries to gain profit from using a false Kid, but this is the shining first one! At the crime scene Kid announced a lot of Kid fans have assembled and shout "Kid! Kid!". Pretty clever idea, huh? Because this has developed to a classical element until today.

The Great Detective Appears!! Entrance of Saguru Hakuba! No, not only that, the chief inspector also shows his face...! Perhaps the junior was just worried because the top policeman never appears at the crime scene? (grin) By the way, Kid is so bad at ice skating because I'm so lousy in it myself.

Kaitou Under Scrutiny The skirt of Aoko's school uniform is so long and Kid's television is so big! From this you can tell the time! (Haha!) Apropos, the newspaper appearing on the last page is called „Oshima Daily Paper“ in the original version. Most of the newspapers shown in „Magic Kaito“ were named after my then editors. I beg your pardon. (grin)

Akako's Delivery Service Kaitou Kids measurements, 1.74 m (~ 5'9") and 58 kg (~ 128 lbs), naturally are my measurements from back then! The same goes for his blood type! (grin) Back then I thought it's really cool that it's possible to figure out skin colour and age of a person just by a single hair, but today, with DNA analysis you can figure out the whole identity of the person the hair belongs to. The progress of science is frightening... (Haha!)

(Extra Chapter) Yaiba vs. Kaito! I was told to draw a short, self-contained story and this dream sequence is the result. Back when I was a kid I already loved collaborations like „Mazinger Z vs. Devilman“, so I wanted to draw something like this. This is also the reason Kaitou Kid appears in Conan... (grin)

Blue Birthday The first time the gem Kaitou is after is the name origin for the title! Because this was the first „Magic Kaito“ after a very long time I debuted Kaitou Kid's arch-enemy and I can remember how much this motivated me... but it's also a story about a nightly firework in the midst of the city which must have made a lot of trouble in the surroundings... (grin)

Green Dream Oh well, this story is nothing special, but to be honest, it's this story which grew dear to my heart. (grin) What should I say about it? The rhythm is felicitous. This story was the first time I drew Kid's „signature“ we've grown so accustomed to. You can also tell from the name of one of the persons appearing that I really loved „Furuhata Ninzaburō“ back then - a japanese police detective drama.

Aoyama Kid ♥

Volume 4

Hello, it's me, Aoyama.

Since Magic Kaito is being republished I allow myself to show my memories about the past without further delay. (grin)

Crystal Mother This is the Kaito-train story I always wanted to draw! Including some allusions to "Lupin III" or "Sherlock Holmes" it became a story during which I could live it up... (grin) Snake, who got severely hurt in the tunnel returns in the following chapter completely unharmed. That's what I call "tough“! (Ha, ha!)

Red Tear Back when this story was published the first time, the thre first pages were in color! In fact, this created a mystery: „The gem on page 1 is blue, but the one on the cover page is red... Why oh why?“ Great that we can revive this mystery in all its glory! (grin) By the way, the closing scene in which all the photos containing the fondest memories are projected against the wall is an homage to the closing scene of the movie  „Cinema Paradiso“. ♪ I used this highlight again in „Detective Conan – The Last Wizard of the Century“. (grin)

Black Star The first confrontation with the one and only Shinichi Kudo! In this story, Kaito says: „The inspector couldn't catch him even if he used a satellite system!“ But really, it's kind of surprising that he hasn't caught him before, isn't it?! (grin) Shinichi is firing a pistol? Akako wants to use magic to get rid of Shinichi? Little Kaito is flirting with Aoko? What a crazy story! (grin) Well, the scene in which Akako uses her magic powers was cut from TV syndication, but it was restored for the DVD, so everyone who wants to watch it, can do so now. ♥ Oh yeah, the title „Black Star“! I believe there are some readers who ask themselves why this gemstone served as the namesake of the story even though it's just mentioned in passing at the end. That's because Kaitou Kid himself is the "Black Star" after all ★ – hence the title! ♪

Golden Eye The first duel of the phantoms! (... maybe.) Catherine Zeta-Jones was the model for the character Ruby Jones. ♥ Well, they don't look very much alike... (Ha, ha!) In this story it's made clear that Kaito was born in June and Aoko in September! Exactly... Kaitou Kid may be a thief, but he is also a magician, so it really delighted me to slip in the name of the grandiose real-life magician Harry Houdini. (grin) There are a lot of tricky moments that show how much Detective Conan "poisoned" this story... (Ha, ha!)

Dark Knights The mask Nightmare is wearing is based on one I bought during a vacation in Spain, because I really liked it. It now hangs at the wall of my living room. (Ha, ha!) Again, in this story is a lot to analyze and moreover, it ends in a thought-provoking, grim mood, which isn't very typical for „Magic Kaito“. On the other hand, this isn't bad either, isn't it? Superintendent Chaki, an old acquaintance from Detective Conan, had his origin in this story. Further on, Hakuba's nanny „Baaya“ has her very first appearance in here! Actually, it's said that there is another nanny for him who has a more docile personality, but that's a different story altogether... (He, he...)

Phantom Lady (Preannouncement) This story revolves around how the original Kaitou Kid obtained a wonderfully beautiful jewel for the first time. ♥ It will be the first in Volume 5... I wonder when it will be released? (grin)

Volume 5

Hi, it's Aoyama ! Since a new volume of ''Magic Kaito'' came out, I have to delve into my memories from the past. PHANTOM LADY I wrote this story about Kaito's parents four years ago. I had stopped writing Magic Kaito for Conan and I thought : ''Wow, so much time has passed ?'' (laughs) If I recall correctly, his mother mutters ''Kaito, it's time for you to know'', and the story's finally here ! It's this story that finally revealed that Kaito's mother's name is ''Chikage''. It was my first time digitalizing a manuscript, I was glad I managed to portray the security sensor similar to phantom thieves stories so cooly, but I had to drew one night scenery after another, and that took time and so I almost didn't make it in a deadline. By the way, this story leads to Conan's Ryouma case, in volume 70. Read it if you're interested ! MIDNIGHT CROW When it was decided to animate the series, I had a meeting with the animation staff. We asked ourselves ''How are we going to finish the story ?''. So I suggested : ''Why not do one about a black Kaitou Kid that would be published in the Sunday ?''. And that's how I wrote Midnight Crow. I will never forget the staff's face when I told them ''Actually, Touichi is alive'' (laughs) Ikeda-san, Touichi's voice actor, had difficulty saying the line ''When you come in contact with an audience, it's a scene of duel...'' quickly ! <3 The ''sucker trick'' line comes from Kaito Kid's anime screenwriter Kunihiko Okada, who I thank very much. In the Phantom Lady chapter, Kaito's work as Kid was given by Chikage, but in Midnight Crow, he's supposed to quit because a lot happened in Las Vegas... but it's another story (laughs) SUN HALO This chapter was written to commemorate the 30th anniversary of Magic Kaito, so it had to be a love comedy <3 When I drew the chapter, Kaito's bike is a Suzuki GSX 250 R. I had forgotten that it was supposed to be broken, so I had Jii-chan say that a ''doctor friend'' helped him... I leave that to your imagination (laughs) Speaking of characters, Lucifer appears again ! As I thought, Akako uses red magic ! (Fortunately Akako doesn't exist in Conan's world (laughs)). The entrance hall in the chapter is based on Tottori's entrance hall, so please go there if you visit Tottori ! By the way, in Sun Halo, Aoko rides the bike with Kaito ! NONCHALANT LUPIN It's a short story I sent to a shounen magazine, and I got an award for it. As you can see, it was a prototype for ''Magic Kaito'' (laughs) The forms are different but there's no card gun. I drew this because the editor I had at that time told me : ''Show me a story you want to write''. It's my second work ! Now that I look back, I'm embarassed because it looks bad. (laughs) Anyway, the hero's name is Lupin, and the name of the story ''Nonchalant Lupin'', but I don't know where he's nonchalant... (laughs)

[thestudyfeels]

Ever had that weird feeling when you’re sitting (or peeing) and suddenly it’s like you’re losing everything? (I mean, ok, you’re losing your pee, lol). Everything just becomes too much, and you either prepare to cry, (bonus points if you curl up in a fetal position, ‘cause on the toilet seat that's practically gymnastics) or grab a bag of popcorn, your midnight bathroom snack, not caring that you’re going bonkers (I respect that, you da hood). Except for the buttered popcorn, nothing about it is fun, yet it’s happened to every single one of us.

To cut short this intro, here’s how NOT to lose your shit. It’s time to take complete ownership of your life (someone cue the dramatic music, I don’t have a stereo. #BROKE-AF).

Someone amazing once said “your brain is your most valuable tool.” That's true. Once you learn how to control your mind, you will start to see that we, being the dumb idiots that we are, over-complicate the simplest of things. You’re not losing your shit (but finish that popcorn anyway). Your mind just convinced you that you are. My wise friend once said that it’s either you directing your mind or it’s the other way around. Show your mind who’s boss and conquer it. Here’s how:

Don’t make excuses. Not only does it piss off Miss Honey and your dog (your dog has better things to eat, my dude), but it robs you of the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. As I always say, life is not a report card. It's never perfect, and it’s the little flaws that push you to aim higher. In the end, life is just growth as a human being (or as a basic hoe, like me). Here’s an example of taking full responsibility for your actions:

 Action: You didn’t submit your essay on time.

 Normal response:  “I didn’t know about the essay.”

                               “My dog ate up my entire computer.”

                               “I was saving the world from zombies.”

Conqueror talk: “I didn’t get in my essay, for that no excuse is valid. I have learned from this and you can expect better next time.”

Miss Honey will be pleased.

I’m a firm believer that emotions hinder productivity. Now, don’t get me wrong, emotions are great. There are many things to shed tears on. Tris from Divergent died. Trump became President. You just got friend-zoned. It’s great to have emotions in cases like these. But when it comes down to getting work done, it’s better to have a firm control over them.

Imagine trying to finish that crappy essay 3 mins before your deadline when Sophia from book club comes up all like “Did you hear what Archie just said to me? He’s such a jerk.” That’s torture. Honestly, it's a miracle we get team assignments done because there is always that one friend who’s either crying over an ex or dying over how cute puppies are.

When working, choose productivity over pride. The reason being, it not only affects your quality of work by distracting you but also makes you the 90 year old grannie shouting from behind in the supermarket line. People legit fly away in the other direction when they see you.

But of course, in other cases, go ahead and release the waterworks. I’m still crying over Mufasa’s death anyway.

(I’m about to get deep, wearing that diving suit, alright). Conquering is hard. There’ll be days when you’ll feel like doing anything but that boring report Miss Honey assigned. Like, who cares whether the Nile or the Amazon is longer?

However, the mindset of a conqueror is so strong that the little demon called procrastination doesn’t stand a chance. You’ll see us partying the whole weekend because we already slayed ‘em rivers and hunted down those fishies Friday. Wanna join in? Here are some aspects of the conqueror mindset: 

Procrastination isn’t allowed. We understand that procrastination not only wastes precious time but basically means partying on a guilty mind. We would rather be that person drinking all them shots than be Abby sitting in the corner, worrying about her calc HW.

Discipline. Every conqueror knows that things need to be done at the right time (and in the right way, of course). Playing slither.io is great, but if you’re hooked for 7 hours and your poor report on rivers has turned into a dust bunny, then mate, you are not conquering. Get up and get the job done already.

Time management. It’s 11:58 pm. Your report (lol, get a grip mate) has finally been wiped of all that dust, and you’re settling to start on it. You open the first page of the assignment and have a mini heart attack. It says: Due by 12 am, xx Feb ‘18). To become a conqueror, hence, you must learn to travel back in time. JK. To become a conqueror, it’s important to value time because it's priceless. A year from now, those hours you spent eating all that snake kill in slither.io won't mean shit, but if you grind, if you choose to work hard, then every single moment will be memorable and pay off.

So, how do you do it? Ok, grab your notebook, grab your cauldron, and jot down. Let’s see what we got here... ‘Add a horn of bicorn’ and just a little bit of -what’s that- salamander blood?” *Potion explodes* Um, sorry for that mess. *Waves wand to clean*

Point is, there’s no secret spell to becoming disciplined and focused. Put down that wand, please. I’ll explain.

If you truly want to take control of your life, you must know your why. Why do you want to? Maybe you’re sick of procrastinating and letting yourself down? Maybe you're tired of being a couch potato and want to get that ass to the gym? Maybe Abby wants to drink them tequila shots too? Because unless you really want it, you won’t get it. It’s important to know your why and let it lead you into battle as your motivation.

In short, you have to be a superhero (I choose to be Superwoman!) and learn to conquer your life before you save Kim from the fire. Your life is truly valuable, and here's a secret: If you want to get results you have never gotten before, you're going to have to do things you've never done before. Everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day, the same opportunities, and the same chances to follow their dreams. They just make different choices. If you choose to re-watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for the 58th time while balancing chips in one hand and popcorn in the other, our world will lose one of its heroes.

But if you do decide to put on that superhero cape, I’m with you. Kim, hang on. We’re coming for you.

Want to read more? Here are some related boops:

general tips for getting your shit together

loving yourself and letting go of negativity

understanding the meaning of your life

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week so you can follow me if you are interested in killing the game & conquering life bc I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life.

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy Sunday afternoon while chilling under blankets, I would recommend reading one of my interviews. + You can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[madlost1]

I was bored and did all the questions on one of those ask me things.

Get to know me a little bit after the break if your interested:

The meaning behind my url: No meaning at all just a user name that I mad up a while back when I needed one.

A picture of me: posted one last night.

How many tattoos i have and what they are: 6 Godzilla text in Japanese, Charisma.com logo, Sucy Manbavaran portrait, Doctor Who quote, Sailor Moon symbols, Ruby Rose (RWBY) picture.

Last time i cried and why: Last night thinking about someone.

Piercings i have: 4 (2 in each ear)

Favorite band: Babymetal followed very very closely by AC/DC

Biggest turn offs: Dishonestly is probably the biggest one, smoking, manipulation, uh some other stuff that is slipping my mind right now. Physically nothing though the mind is more important to me then looks.

Top 5 (insert subject): I’ll go movies 1)Sucker Punch (2011) 2) The Blues Brothers 3) Casablanca 4) Inglourious Basterds 5) Army of Darkness 

Tattoos i want: Too many but the next will probably be either a Sailor Saturn or the Straw Hat Pirates Logo.

Biggest turn ons: Honestly (obviously), Being nice. Physically Short Hair and Glasses fuck me right up.

Age: 27 (28 next month)

Ideas of a perfect date: Dinner, Mini golf, and a movie to cap the night off

Life goal: Just to live a happy life with a significant other.

Piercings i want: no more I’m done

Relationship status: Single (feels like it will be that way forever)

Favorite movie: Easy already did this one but Sucker Punch (2011) most would probably say it was because of the skimpily dressed girls or the action scenes but if you look past all of the there is a really deep and intricate story being told behind it all with multiple interpretations of what is actually going on.

A fact about my life: I shouldn’t really be here typing this today since I should have died when I was a baby.

Phobia:  Autophobia (more specifically a fear of dying alone)

Middle name: John

Height: 5′9″ or 5′10″ don’t know anymore

Are you a virgin? yeah

What’s your shoe size? depends on brand 11 in Converse up to 12.5 in Nike

What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? None of the above

Someone you miss: Honestly I miss texting my crush.

What’s one thing you regret? I regret a lot of things biggest one probably being not giving the one girl that was willing to me a chance a chance myself.

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Oh boy celebrity crush I’m going to have to say Mami Sasazaki from the Japanese band Scandal.

Favorite ice cream? Strawberry

One insecurity: My looks

What my last text message says: That wasn’t work or family related it was kind of a long one to that girl that I told I didn’t think I should ask her out. ( which I later found out she had a boyfriend already any way so there was no point to it to begin with).

Have you ever taken a picture naked? No

Have you ever painted your room? Yes

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? No

Have you ever slept naked? No

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? No

Have you ever had a crush? Oh god yes I’m pretty sure everyone has. I still do.

Have you ever been dumped? You kind of have to be in a relationship for that to happen in the first place so no.

Have you ever stole money from a friend? Who the hell does that? No. Even if I borrow a couple bucks I always pay them back.

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? No

Have you ever been in a fist fight? I’ve never thrown a punch because I will never hit a woman which leads me to the fact that my cousin was kind of an idiot and punched me a couple of times, and I also got punched in the face by some girl on the bus ride on the way home from school one day in Middle School because she said me and one of my other cousins were being too loud. (More literally a case of us talking about music I think it was, her and her friend sitting in the seat in front of us and her turning around and saying shut the fuck up and when I said no she punched me in the mouth.)

Have you ever snuck out of your house? No

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? I mean I do right now.

Have you ever been arrested? No

Have you ever made out with a stranger? Np

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Whats met up with? Gone somewhere with then yes.

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? Of course

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? No

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? No

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Assuming my dad doesn’t count (listen 6 people on vacation in a 2 bed hotel room is not ideal) then no.

Have you ever seen someone die? No

Have you ever been on a plane? Yeas

Have you ever kissed a picture? No

Have you ever slept in until 3? I can’t sleep that late. I can lay in bed all damn day though.

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? Love is a strong word. I don’t want to use it but I guess it is kind of what it is. 

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

Have you ever made a snow angel? Yes

Have you ever played dress up? Yes

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? Yes

Have you ever been lonely? All the damn time

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? Yes

Have you ever been to a club? No

Have you ever felt an earthquake? No

Have you ever touched a snake? Yes

Have you ever ran a red light? Accidentally when I was first learning to drive.

Have you ever been suspended from school? No

Have you ever had detention? Yes 3 times all BS if you ask me. Me and my cousin got into a argument in like 5th grade that led to us both getting it. I think it was 7th grade computer class when a couple of us were fucking around and I hit a couple keys on a keyboard by accident and the piece of crap computer froze so I got hit with that one. And a lunch detention for a week because I accidentally spit mashed potatoes over a couple of people at lunch at while I admit it looked bad because I was trying to eat mashed potatoes with a straw the teachers way over reacted. 

Have you ever been in a car accident? A little bump on a rain slick road when every one slammed on their brakes. Unfortunately I was on the down slope of a hill and slid down it into the back of the car in front of me. No damage all was good.

Have you ever hated the way you look? Always

Have you ever witnessed a crime? Shoplifting I guess but that’s what happens when you work in retail.

Have you ever pole danced? No

Have you ever been lost? No

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? Yes

Have you ever felt like dying? Nah as much as I say I want to there is no point to it. Just live your life. You never know how important your life may be to someone else and how your absence in life may affect them.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Yeah last night

Have you ever sang karaoke? Alone in my room and in my car I sing along to songs all the time but that doesn’t really count.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Tried drinking a few times. Taste of alcohol is horrible to me anymore though.

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Uhm the aforementioned mashed potato incident with is kind of why the mashed potatoes went everywhere

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? I never slept with anyone

Have you ever kissed in the rain? Never kissed anyone

Have you ever sang in the shower? Yes

Have you ever made out in a park? Never kissed anyone

Have you ever dream that you married someone? Yes

Have you ever glued your hand to something? Yes model kits all the time

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? no

Have you ever been a cheerleader? no

Have you ever sat on a roof top? Yes but thats because I used to help my dad re-do roofs  all the time when I was younger.

Have you ever brush your teeth? I brush my teeth every day

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? I used to not be able to watch them before bed because I would get nighmares but it hasn’t happened for awhile

Have you ever played chicken? No

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? No

Have you ever broken a bone? No (actually probably my toe at one point but I never went to the doctor for it.)

Have you ever been easily amused? I am very easily amused

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yes 

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? No

Have you ever cheated on a test? No

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? It happens sometimes

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? Yes

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows. Not yet

[adaandportmafiaimagines]

ERROR [1/4]

[Dazai Osamu X Hacker!Reader]

[Slight!Chuuya X Hacker!Reader]

Inspired by the Vocaloid song [ERROR], originally sung by Lily but Ritsu Namine made it popular. The translation is found here.

(Read: LONG chapter(s) [first chapter alone is 7 pages] ahead under ‘read more’ and endgame is Dazai because I can’t get enough of him)

Description

“Chuuya, Dazai… I’ve got a pleasant surprise for you…” The flaming red haired directed the two children to a room, filled with flashing lights and blank screens, “meet the upcoming mastermind of Port Mafia’s technology system… at a young age, she already understood and hacked into thousands of Japan’s advanced systems…” The two children squinted their eyes, bust able to see an outline of a small figure, motionless, as the third child sat on the chair, “children… meet [Surname] [Name].”

Can you see it? The tears in my eye  I'm blurred by the colours of life  What did you leave me?  Ask me - I'll collapse

 “Mommy…” The five year old child quietly directed her question at the older image of herself

“Yes darling…?” The said mother of the child softly looked at her daughter with sorrowful orbs

“Why… are they burying daddy?”

This simple question, this innocent and naive question made the old woman’s eyes water. Transparent droplets of liquid escaped their homes and slid softly down rosy cheeks.

“M-mommy! Why are you crying? A-are they doing something bad to daddy?” The little child panicked, “daddy still has work to do tomorrow… what if he’s late because he can’t get out? Daddy promised me to buy me that bunny plushie for my birthday! B-but he can’t do that because-because-”

The mother engulfed her daughter in a hug. Her salty eyes escaping some more from her closed eyes. How could she tell her innocent child that her father was killed? How could she tell her that he could never wake up? She knew that their jobs in the mafia would be risky, but never had she thought that one of them could loose a life…

How fragile human lives are…

What a merciless world this is…

Around 8 years later…

 The flaming red haired woman led the two boys zigzagging through the Port Mafia’s headquarters. Her strong strides never loosing rhythm as she explained that to both celebrate the future of Port Mafia two executives (they both were developing fantastically), and they need more children around their age to bond with, she decided to introduce them to yet another future mastermind.

The three walked into a room without any source of light bulbs, if it was not for the flashing tiny dots on both monitors and system/base units, along with screens, the place would be thrown in total darkness.

Endless amount of wires, thick and thin, snaked around the floor, overlapping with one another, though non were tangled, these wires were plugged into dozens of base units, almost as tall as Kouyou herself. Among the mess, in the middle of the room, the faint outline of a raised platform could be seen. Perhaps a desk?

“Ane-san,” Chuuya started, “who is that?”

He directed them to a leather chair, one fit for rotation, and if they squinted their eyes enough, an outline of a child could be seen.

“Might be a dummy Chuuya.” Dazai started, “or maybe a corpse.”

“Dazai,” Kouyou gently scolded, her equally red eyes narrowing, though her expression showed nothing but amusement, “you’re not really leaving a good first impression by saying that.”

“Sorry, sorry ane-san.” He sheepishly rubbed his head, though as if he just made a stupid blunder instead of deliberately mistaking someone for a corpse

“Now then… [Name]-chan, would you please introduce yourself to the future Port Mafia executives?”

The dark leather chair rotated sideways, so the child could face all three. From what little light was in the room at the time, Dazai could see that she wore a simple white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, her dark coloured skirt was wrinkled, though it flowed just above her knees along with an equally dark knee-high socks, her formal shoes were blended in the darkness so well that it might as well be nonexistent, her tie, unlike both Dazai and Chuuya, was so loosely tied that the knot ended up at her chest, as if she just slapped it on in the last second.

All in all, she looked nothing like Port mafia’s mastermind hacker Dazai had in mind.

Nor could he predict how painfully important the said girl could be in his future.

 Ahh… that was… the start huh…?

 Blue, red, and white are mixing  I'm shouting from this world 

What was I wishing for?  I was tired from chasing after it

 Years flown by like minutes after [Name] made friends with both Dazai and Chuuya. Perhaps, it was precisely because of how everyday was both so tiring and energetic that the days turned into months…

The two males never did get along as one might describe as ‘partners’, no, not the romantic one, but the one where they work together and go on dirty jobs. Even when Dazai was promoted and became the youngest Port Mafia executive, even when the much feared Soukoku was formed, while their teamwork spread despair among the Mafia employees, deeply rooted into their souls, on the other hand, their personalities could not conflict so much anymore.

It had become a common occurrence for the [hair colour] female to not-so-gently whack both red and brown on their head if they annoyed her too much.

In other words, every half hour then.

And [Name]?

She, like her honey-brown orbed male, developed quickly before (just like Kouyou predicted) becoming one of Port Mafia’s top hackers.

“Say [Name]-chan…” Dazai asked to the fifteen year old, as the tiniest (belated) celebration was held in Dazai’s apartment for him becoming an executive, “why did you become a hacker? Surely, someone with such high intelligence could become a well-respected government official where the highest protection could be given? But, that’s not to say Port Mafia lacks any protection…”

“Why ask Dazai?” She answered, sipping her favourite drink, her [eye colour] watched carefully at the ice in her drink

“Just curiosity. But, to be honest, you do not necessary have to tell me if you’re so seriously against it.”

“Dazai’s right,” Chuuya walked towards the two, and in an instant, the calming look on Dazai’s face morphed one of a scowl, Chuuya’s expression was almost an exact mirror image, [Name] however, just retained her pokerface, “you can tell me about it.”

“Oh? Who’s talking? I-is it a ghost? I can’t see anyone.”

“You-!”

[Name] sighed, she pondered to whether tell the story just to get them to not murder each other for a while. Ah well, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of sharing one’s past eventhough one of them is an executive right?

That’s… what fr- no, no such words and meaning exists in Port Mafia.

“As you may know, I have an ability… dubbed, “The Sun Also Rises”… its power is similar to our only star – the Sun.” She held up her ice drink and activated her ability, the chunk of ice in her glass melted until it was no longer there, “I can manipulate heat with my entire body, which gives off light at the same time… that light could be used on solar panels to generate electricity.”

“… Which is why the laptop you carry has solar panels… so you could work without depending on electricity in an emergency…”

“Exactly correct Dazai. Now… as to why I became a hacker… my parents were in Port Mafia as well, and my mother was also an experienced hacker, my father, on the other hand, was one of the lowest ranking employees they have… as unlikely as it was, the two fell in love and… here I am.”

She took a mini break in her explanation by sipping her favourite drink, which now was disgustingly warm (no) thanks to her Gift. She made a disgusted face, throwing her tongue out. All Dazai could think of was how the normally expressionless female could made such an expression, it really was a valuable and rare moment.

Damn… such a nice change… he thought, she should express herself more…

“Then, father died… perished because of a bullet wound, which of course, was fatal… though he was one of the lowest members of the organisation, he was popular among the mafia as well… always looking out for people when he was on missions, which was partially why there were a lot of people at his funeral.”

Her once calm [eye colour] hardened, before continuing.

“However… the thing is… it was his day off, mother was in an important meeting with the executives and she took me along, of course, I wasn't present in the room, but outside, playing on a gaming device, while father was at home… resting as he got home late last night. However, several hours later someone broke the news to mother and I that father died.”

Silence, “At that time, I did not know what the word “died” meant, well, perhaps my parents wanted me to stray as far as Port Mafia as I could… huh? Well, guess that failed, I mean… look at me now. Anyhow, the thing is… though some amount of money was stolen, there was not a single sign of struggle at out house… besides, father would never be outdone by a simple burglar… which lead both I and mother to the conclusion of… someone purposely murdered him.”

“And so by doing technology-based work, and moving up the ranks using any means necessary, you could uncover the profiles along with autopsy and paperworks, some of these are not even revealed to the victim’s family.”

“Correct again Dazai… but to be honest… I guess I really had a thing for numbers and hacking… unlike humans, if you simply input a correct numerical formula and formula alike, the computer would do exactly what you told it to do… whereas humans would constant have their own minds… along with pure emotions as obstacles… but then, I guess I was lonely too as well, I mean, I used to think numbers were my friends, who would do anything I asked…”

“Ah, you’re so weird [Name]-chan~” in an instant, the teenager felt a harsh click on her forehead

“Wh-what was that for Idiot-zai?” She pouted, her free hand furiously rubbing the spot

“Oooooh, nice nickname for this right here!”

“Shut up little guy.”

“You-!”

“But [Name]-chan, if ‘friends’ is the wrong word for us, we’re your… well, we’re less than friends, but we’re something… ah, except for this right here… I don’t wanna be even acquaintances with him.”

“My thoughts exactly Dazai! You’re just a bandage-wasting-sorry-state-of-a-human!”

“Ehhh- but who was it that got promoted to an executive in this room I wonder~? Executives raise their hands~” Only a bandaged hand was in the air, “only me then~”

WHACK. WHACK.

“O-ouch… so harsh [Name]-chan…”

“C-couldn’t you be a little bit gentler next time [Name]-chan?”

“And here I thought I could go an hour without having to hit you two…” The only female muttered, deadpanning at the two’s over-dramatic responses, “but, shall we… have a toast?”

“To what?” The opal eyes questioned, though he raised his glass as Dazai did the same

“To… whatever this is.”

“Well… to our complicated relationship.” Dazai named

“To our relationship- wait, that sounded so wrong.”

“Hush Chuuya… to our relationship…”

“Cheers!” Three voices of different pitches simultaneously resonated throughout the Sun-kissed room.

[Name] then remembered something on the back of her mind. A wish made years ago…

-Flashback-

“Why do other children fear me so much?” The child, no bigger than ten questioned, compared to other kids her age, she doesn’t show a variety of emotions

“Is it… because of this so called “Gift”? Is my ability more of a curse…?”

She laid fresh flowers down on the gravestone, looking up at the midnight sky, thousands of bright jewels blinked down, compared to the endless expanding universe, she and her problems seems so small and insignificant.

“You said… on clear nights like this… you would always wish for something trivial and achievable, but you couldn’t bring up the courage to do it or the circumstances were vastly against you… you then explained to me that important wishes, no matter how impossible they seem, you would save those for comets…”

I wish for…

“Hey… would my selfish wish be granted? ... Please answer me… father!”

People to accept for who I am… people who would not be afraid of my position and intelligence… people who I would like to call… “friends”

-Flashback END-

 Dazai remembered that on that day, he wished to see [Name] smile… however impossible that sounds; he would be the one her vibrant smile would be directed to… though it sounds possessive, it was just a not-so-innocent teenage boy’s thoughts.

Is this what they call “love”?

Or is this what they call “friendship”?

Ahh… those were… peaceful days… tranquil days indeed…

 How much?

 Sitting in a certain Port Mafia’s office, with heaps of paper on the desk which hid the working member behind as another mastermind sat on a nearby chair, hurriedly clicking the buttons on her GBA[1] as if her life depended on it.

“[Name]-chan… maybe you should stop playing and work…” The red haired voiced his concern at the female.

Why? You ask. Partly to stop suspicions on how he got a female in his office, partly to stop people questioning her if they suddenly barged into his office, but mainly because with the way she was so absorbed in it, she reminded him of his oh-so-wonderful partner.

“Why? It’s a good game.”

Just like a certain bandage-wasting-human… “Say… did you hear about the legendary stolen sapphire-”

He stopped abruptly, gone the peaceful expression on her face, but replaced with partially between horror and anger.

“Sapphire… sapphire… Pokemon Sapphire… Kyogre just awakened by Archie, leader of Team Aqua and-”

“Wait, that was what made you ticked off with such a despising expression?!” Chuuya exclaimed, astounded how a simple game could cause his emotionless friend to be capable of such intense emotion.

“Chuuya, Kyogre wrecked my entire team… even with the usage of dozens of revives and both super and hyper potions… but then, it is a legendary, so what can you say?”

“I say stop playing such games or you’ll become intelligently declined like Dazai!”

She blinked at him. Her [eye colour gem] meeting opal before she resumed playing on her game, “It sounds as if… you’re almost jealous of Dazai.”

“Why-! I am more certainly not jealous of that!” He stomped to her form and yanked the game device out of her hands, “this is what I would love to do to him if it’s not for that blasted ability of his!”

Her GBA ruthlessly hit both ceiling and floor a few times before completely smashed into useless pieces because of Chuuya’s ability.

“Chuuya.”

“What?” He asked, still irritated. Him? Compared to that bandage-wasting-womanising-good-for-nothing-absolutely-useless-

“You are jealous.” She patted his shoulder, which tensed at the contact, before walking out of the room, not fazed at what just took place, “oh, and by the way, you own me a new GBA.”

 [1] – Let’s just say that the Dark era BSD universe is set in 2010s, thus it would be possible for reader to have Pokemon Sapphire as it was released in Japan in 2003.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #56

“no doubt about it, i got a bad, bad girlfriend.”

who was the last male you hung out with?   we didn't really "hang out," but i was around bradley, colleen's husband.  the last male i really did "hang out" with was my friend girt months ago. who is your favorite person to text?   colleen when’s the last time you talked to the person you like?   the last time i talked and he responded, via battle.net because we were both online.  i asked him how school was going and such, despite in his responses it being obvious he didn't want to talk.  last time i "talked" to him without his input in the conversation was when i wrote him a ten-page letter i've yet to mail him. who did you last take a picture with?   colleen, chelsea, and mom. do you and your best friend ever fight?   yes.  we're in a fight now, actually.  we're both very opinionated people and also very different, so. is there someone who can make you laugh no matter what?   fucking jason.  i would be crying and he could still make me laugh. has anyone ever mistaken you for being gay/lesbian/bi?   yes.  more than once.  lmao at the store the other day, colleen ran into her preacher, and i was with her.  it was kinda obvious he thought we were a couple. explain why you last threw up?   had a baaaad stomach bug. ever kissed your best friend's significant other?   definitely not! do you like the person you are becoming?   no.  more than anything, my happiness should NOT be so dependent on a man who doesn't even care about me. do you have anything embarrassing/sexual in your room?   i do not. know anyone who has a pet gecko?   my former best friend summer and my acquaintance caleb. do you like eating soup in the winter?   i don't like soup period. do you like getting jewelry or do you not wear any?   sure! when you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats?   once because a kid my sister knew was stupid as fuck. did/do you get school cancellations because of snow?   dude, we got cancellations if there was a chance of an inch of snow. who knows ALL of your secrets?   jason is the only one, actually.  i've literally told him everything. what does your typical outfit look like?   yoga/sweatpants, graphic tee. did you have a job before you were in college?   no, actually. do you think hunting is wrong? if so, why?   for purely sport, kinda.  just killing for fun doesn't seem right in the slightest?  if you're in a survival situation or if you actually do eat what you kill, sure, hunt. have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now?   not in-depth, no.  it'd be... very hard.  well first off, it'd be impossible for me to get pregnant, but let's just say i somehow did.  i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be a "bad" mom, but an insufficient one.  i'm pretty severely mentally ill and very unstable right now, and a child's malleable mind doesn't need to be exposed to that, especially when it's his/her mother.  i also do not want to bring a child into this world when (s)he wouldn't have a father figure.  fathers are just as important as mothers, imo, and a baby should be raised with both parents.  the last thing a child needs is just a sick mother.  despite the obvious issues though, holy hell would i do everything for that baby. do you have a sensitive gag reflex?   VERY.  i can't even put those things in my mouth at the dentist for when you get x-rays without a massive struggle.  i usually have the get the kid ones. what was the last situation to upset you?   colleen said something very ignorant. have you ever had an online argument?   waaaaay more than one.  i've been around the internet since what, 2007?  i've had plenty. do any of your friends know you fill out surveys?   online friends, sure, real life friends, not on tumblr, no.  i occasionally/very rarely post a survey in facebook notes, so my friends obviously know, but they haven't seen even a microscopic quarter of the surveys i've done.  i'm not entirely... against the idea, but like, i'd only ever maybe admit to colleen i have a survey blog. how do you typically style your hair? does it take long?   no, because it's too thick for me personally to style.  i would kill to have the emo/scene/whatever you call it hair, but my hair just doesn't work with me. when were you last offered something illegal?   never, i think. what are you most confident about? most insecure about?   uhhh.  i mean, i guess my knowledge about meerkats is what i'm most confident about?  most insecure about, my stomach. when are you most likely to say something you don’t mean?   if you bring up jason. where’s the best place to get your favorite dish?   my favorite dish ever is spicy shrimp fritas, which i get from olive garden. can you play guitar hero?   yeah.  i used to play almost everything on expert and sometimes get 100%, but now i play mostly on hard and a select few on expert. if you could move somewhere else, would you?   yeah, closer to the mountains on the western side of the state. how many months until your birthday?   less than one! do you want your tongue pierced?   yes, i want the snake eyes tongue piercing. who was the last person to disappoint you?   colleen are you emotionally strong?   i honestly do not know?  like i tell myself i wouldn't be alive otherwise, but simultaneously, i feel that if i was strong, so many things wouldn't bother me. you think ‘I love you’ are strong words?   they were enough to ruin my life, so. on grand theft auto, do you just kill people or actually do the missions?   i've never played it before, but i think i'd do the missions, since i play games to beat them. have you ever been to australia?   no, but i'd kinda like to to meet my friend shay.  i'm just scared of all the venomous shit they have, especially the spiders. do you watch adult swim?   no.  half the shit on there was immaculately immature the last time i saw it, anyway. do you have a favorite pair of underwear?   i only have one pair because i never wear underwear unless there's an occasion i need to, and they're pink and black and lacy. what is your dad’s occupation?   he's been a mailman for years and actually likes it. have you ever seen a baby snake?   no, actually.  i mean on television and stuff, sure, but not in real life. do you own any band tees?   plenty.  big part of my wardrobe. do you think they really landed on the moon, or it was fake?   i've seen like all the evidence that it may have been faked, and i believe it's a possibility it was, but in general, i believe that we truly did land on the moon, despite some of the oddities. do you feel embarrassed to listen to music you love out loud around other people?   no no no no no!!  that's like, probably the only think about me i'm proud of revealing!! does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain?   curtain when is the last time you sat around a campfire?   years ago in new york. do you have a back-up career choice? what is it?   not really, honestly...  i mean my dream job is to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa, so that just won't happen.  the only thing i want to do is be a photographer. are men more attractive with longer or shorter hair?   i mean, it really depends on the man, but in general, i like longer hair. is there a name that you hear and cringe?   rachel. what was the last computer game you played?   world of warcraft, before my computer decided "hey let's keep restarting."  i was about to get the long-forgotten hippogryph too, and i'm still salty about it. what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure?   world of warcraft, again, and idk why.  like there's nothing to be ashamed of, yet i am.  like even when i get my computer fixed, i'm contemplating just not getting back into it to avoid the feeling of embarrassment. do you let your pets on your furniture?   yes, because they live here??? can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you?   with my history of thinking aaron liked me and believing jason would ask me out, i guess. what is your favorite thing to cook for someone else?   the only thing i can really cook are some yummy scrambled eggs, with hot sauce. have you ever bought underwear simply because it made your underwear drawer look nice?   no? how do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  GROSS would you ever consider visiting texas?   if my former best friend mini would talk to me again, sure.  i'd love to visit her. who was the last person to turn you on?   jason was good at that. what are your views on the death penalty?   it is only for the coldest, hardest criminals where there is no doubt they committed the crime.  some people just don't change and do deserve to die, imo. is the music you listen to 'weird’?   i'm sure some people consider it such. have you ever played an instrument?    i played flute all through middle and high schools are fingerless gloves awesome?   sure, i have some from high school. do you fit any stereotypes?   possibly.  after all, the definition of certain stereotypes vary very slightly from person-to-person.  i guess i fit both geek and emo in some ways. does your best friend have a driver’s license?   yeah. what size drink do you usually get at fast food restaurants?   medium. do you have underwear from victoria’s secret?   i do not. do you want a relationship?   i mean, yeah, i guess.  i'm dangerously lonely and after dating jason, i know how good relationships feel.  but i don't want to rush anything. are you uncomfortable staring into someone’s eyes who you like?   no.  i could stare into jason's forever. who was the first person you talked to today?   via the internet, ummm i think it was shaylee.  in real life, nicole, my little sister. honestly! do you think you’re better than anyone else?   not at all.  god told us we're equal, that's why. do you have any fish as pets?   no.  i'd really like a big saltwater tank, though. when was the last time you slept in your parents' bedroom?   well, my parents have been divorced for years now, and mom doesn't currently have a room, she sleeps on the couch and i sleep in her old room, so i really don't know. do you like channing tatum?   i think he's physically attractive, but that's it. do you have a common first name?   very. who/what is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life?   jason. what is the most pointless movie that you have ever seen? did you like it?   "the purge," because the whole basis of the story was just... stupid?  like, WHY to begin with would it ever be legally allowed to purge?  the whole idea was just stupid.  the movie itself was okay in general though. who is the most important person in your life right now?   i'm trying to make it me. have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you?   nope. who did you last talk to about the person you love?   mom, i think. who was the last person you sat next to on a bus?   i haven't been on a bus since high school.  but i always sat with jason. do you carry photos in your wallet?   i'm pretty sure i have a picture on nicole somewhere in there. the last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours?   i've never had sex, but the last time i did something sexual, it was probably his bed. is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?   i don't "think" it, i know it. has anyone ever drunk called/texted you?   nope. name two of your favorite colors.   maroon, pink. do you want to get married?   i do. are you afraid of roller coasters?   yes, i am. what colors would you like to have at your wedding?   i've actually considered many combinations.  think i'll wait for my spouse's opinion 'til i really decide. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?   he was so, so unique.  strange.  different.  maddeningly bizarre.  and, he cared.  he approached me while i was pushing everyone away, and i just couldn't shove him, too.  he wanted to know aaaall about me, and he seemed to like everything he heard...  he backed me into a corner where i couldn't escape him, yet i wasn't afraid.  now i'm damned for it. what was the last reason you cried?   i missed jason. last person to tell you i love you?   my mama what do you think your ex would say about you?   "she's my psycho ex." think of your last kiss….was it cute?   i don't remember my last kiss, because i didn't think it'd be the last.  i was so blissfully ignorant.  i was suspicious that something was wrong with jason, but... i never thought he'd leave.  i mean don't get me wrong, every kiss we had was precious, but it was at the same time just another kiss. have you ever played golf?   i've played putt-putt, but not golf. what was the last tv show you watched an episode of?   probably something at colleen's, idk. do you like beer? if so, what's your favorite brand?   never tried it, but i know it stinks to high heaven. how often do you update your facebook status?   i never update my status unless something quite big happens.  i only ever share funny pictures/posts or stuff i heavily relate to/agree with. do you feel bad when you throw food out?   it's not something i think about all the time, but i do, because i know some people have much less than i. when was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever?   months ago when i had my eyebrows done.  i want to go more regularly, it's just a money thing. what is your favorite video game?   "silent hill 2" would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? what would you have done?   i don't think so. do you like shrimp?   eh, usually. have you ever been in a car accident?   i have. who is your favorite superhero?   batman. what is your favorite fruit flavored soda [grape, strawberry, orange, etc]?   strawberry have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?   pleeeenty of times. would you ever be a stripper?   hell no. your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do?   fucking kill her. do you have a hard time letting go?   i probably have a harder time letting go than anybody on the planet. is the last person you kissed a virgin?   nope.  he's had sex with rachel, and i'm sure he's fucked ashley by now.  can't wait 'til he breaks her heart, too. have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before?   more than once. how many times have you changed a diaper in your life?   literally only once what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend?   i'm passionate and loyal as fuck. did you ever go to a mental hospital?   four or five times, the numbers are honestly starting to blur. does your mom/dad smoke?   dad does. how old are you?   i'll be 21 in a few weeks. did an old person ever hit on you?   yes, and it was fucking terrifying. do you believe that weed should be legalized?   no, honestly. do you like apple jacks?   yes! Are you afraid of the dark?   nah. would you say your taste in music is in a very broad spectrum?   no, honestly.  i'm very limited in the type of music i enjoy. are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent?   ... i'm going to pretend the fact this is on a survey doesn't bother me and just answer it.  i tend to moan and gasp a lot.  i've wanted to scream before, but haven't. what’s your middle name?   marie have you ever written or received a suicide note?   no, but more than once have i almost written one. ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing?   no. have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/​​​girlfriend?​​​   no, and i wouldn't unless it was jason and he was the one trying to kiss me. ever made out in a pool?   no, but we might as well have that one time. do you have a pool?   no, we had to sell ours for the money. are you an emotional person?   too emotional anybody ever tell you that “you could do so much better” about a person?   literally everyone tells me that?? how many full biological siblings do you have?   full-blooded?  just two. what is something you currently need to buy?
   new tank tops for bed, badly. the last person you kissed asks you to marry him/her. how do you react?   HA.  no.  apologize to me, number one, and fucking prove to me you won't leave again. do you wear hair extensions?
   no, because i don't need them. how old were you when you started puberty?   i have no memory of when i started. if you could have any magical power, what would you have?   shape-shifting, i think. do you believe in love at first site?   absolutely not. let’s say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick?   "no getting out of it" my ass, i'd get out of it.  he can disown my ass, whatever, i don't care.  i take marriage way more seriously than that. if you could be the lead role in any movie, what would it be?   honestly, i'd want to play a person driven crazy by events in her life.  because same fam. when eating something are you more concerned with taste or nutrition?   taste, honestly. what gender do you identify with?   female, because i have a vagina.  yes, i'm conservative about this matter.  fight me m8. are you more of a science or math person?   science, easily. what are your opinions on abortion?   i'm viciously pro-life. if you identify as a girl, would you ever consider getting a pixie cut?   no.  please do not misunderstand this: i have no problem with bigger people, but generally, i find pixie cuts to look bad on bigger women like me. are you a metalhead?   hell to the fuck yeah. do you even listen to metal?   it's like... all i listen to. do you know anybody who is a wiccan or pagan?   i'm pretty sure i know two or three wiccans do you watch supernatural?   i don't anymore, 'cuz it's a ptsd trigger.  it was the first show jason and i binge-watched together.  stopped at the sixth season, i think.  it's a really good show and i love it, i just tried to watch it one day, and i can't without him. what’s your favorite character in your favorite tv show?   i'd say my overall favorite show is "fullmetal alchemist," so hmmm... shit man, i'm having a difficult time remembering all the characters.  i feel like i really liked one of the seven deadly sins, i think it was greed?  no... maybe envy?  envy!  the one i misgendered, lmao.  i really like them. are you diabetic?   i am not, but it runs in the family, so... where is the majority of your family from?   mom's side, new york, dad's side, michigan. last person you slept in the same bed with?   chelsea hate someone, who?   i try so hard not to, but i'm pretty sure the feelings i have towards jason's current girlfriend is hatred. when was your first kiss?   hmmmm.  maybe like, may-ish four years ago? do you carry a purse?   yeah. would you ever name a kid damien?   it's a decent name, but no. bats are not spooky or are they?   no no no, they're so precious!!  especially flying foxes!! do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites?   both.  depends on the mood. are you one of those people who can eat anything and not gain a pound?   fuck no.  i'm the person who looks at cake and gains 10 pounds. do you like hot dogs?   i do, i just don't think of how they're made. do you watch american horror story?   again, i used to, but don't anymore due to it being a ptsd trigger.  we watched the first season and most of the second together. do you have sensitive teeth?   no would you date someone you had a 16 year age gap with?   NO what is your sexuality?   heterosexual, some asexual traits do you think suits are sexy?   kill me yes fucking christ do you think earrings are attractive or unattractive on guys?   ehhhh, i'm kinda neutral with guys and earrings. would you ever have a threesome with your friend and their bf/gf?   fuck no.  so sorry to offend, but you don't fucking love your significant other if you're comfortable fucking someone else with them.  i'd lecture the heavens out of my friend if they suggested that. have you ever kissed just a friend?   on the cheek, yes. what was the last graduation you attended?   my little sister's have you ever pole danced before?   nope. have you ever broken into someone’s house?   wtf, no. would you ever kiss your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend?   no, because i have respect for their relationship and i don't "like" her husband like that. have you ever seen a live bat?   hmmm, i may have at the zoo, but otherwise, i'm not sure!

[spacesofutsc-blog]

I am leaving the library, heading to my next class, and then I see it, the long, snake like maze of students, staff and facility, waiting in the Tim Horton’s line. Should I stay, or should I go?  Do I need that caffeine before I head to my next class? I sometimes ponder what class or tutorial that I am heading to, and that makes my choice a little easier, today I wait in line? This triangulated area between the various wings of the university, is a space of so much interaction, and yet so industrial and uninviting. I pass through this space often, crowds of people, sometimes stopping to speak with my friends, my spouse, and acquaintances, other days I just manoeuvre through the maze, continuing my journey to the next class.

Looking around the micro meeting place, I feel that it was designed as only a passageway into multiple tunnels to travel to the next corridor, onto your class, your locker, the athletics center in a past-time, or up-stairs to the various spaces above. Was it designed for the mass amount of people who travel and experience this place everyday? Was it made to be conducive for entertainment, socialization, organizational displays of information and engagement, or place to relax and fuel one’s body?  Depending on the day, there are many university associations and other organizations that set up tables in this triangulated space, they know there is a hub of activity, the passageway and meeting place for many students, they know this is where they can share their messages and meet the people. Today, I see them ahead, the groups that have set up their pop-up shops, free cupcakes, mini games, election information, I am approaching this gathering located in the triangulated place.

I must decide, do I fake a call, send a text, pretend that I am looking somewhere else, do I want to engage with this organization, do I have an interest, do I just want to get to class or stand in that Tim Hortons’ line?  Today is that day, my longest day at the university, I want a break before I move on, I choose to stand in the Tim Hortons’ line and get a tea, I also choose to bypass the organizations. My decision to bypass the organizations set up in the meeting place are my own, although I know that everyone has engaged in this type of avoidance!  I would rather pretend that I am busy than have to tell someone “no thanks”, avoidance seems easier than a let down.

The Tim Hortons’ order line is out the door, it travels past the multiple doors that lead to the library wing, and spirals like a snake into the triangulated space.  There is no designated structure to the line, it moves and winds and shifts, students moving through this location are trying to manipulate through the Tim Hortons’ crowd and move on to their next location, or find a tiny area to locate themselves. Tim Hortons’ has a limited seating area to accommodate the hustle and bustle of the university crowd and as you look around there are only a few benches along the walls in the micro meeting place, not enough spaces of relaxation and comfort, to accommodate so much activity.  There are vending machines and the microwave oven, located in the far corner, after getting my tea, I take advantage of my leftovers from the night before and heat up my pasta in the corner.

And now begins another adventure, to find a space to eat in comfort and relaxation. That space does not come, trying to find a space to eat this pasta, standing along the wall or sitting on the floor, does not add to the enjoyment of eating my leftovers or give me that place of relaxation and comfort. I should have packed a sandwich, I could have eaten it as I moved through the halls to my next class!  There is so much time spent at the university, the social interaction, the learning, but who designed this space? Where do these mass amount of people sit, relax, enjoy their leftovers from home and take a break from their studies?

This location is a hub of information boards, and various displays of information hanging attached to banisters from the floors above.  The lights are large stainless-steel dome like bells hanging from above.  There are two washrooms, access to the elevator, a staircase, in addition to the three hallways that move beyond this triangulated place. There are a small set of vending machines, with drinks and snacks, a microwave oven and a water fountain.  As the day progresses, this triangulated place becomes a busy hub of people and movement.  It has a constant noise during the day, a quietness during the morning and evening! To describe the actual physical description of this space, it is almost lifeless, but the people who enter this space on a daily basis change this industrial space into a place of experiences, part of their university life! This micro meeting place takes you to other locations above, the bookstore is located upstairs. I usually only need to visit that location at the beginning of each session, but some days, when I have had enough of studying, class and need some retail therapy, I head up to the second floor and wander around the store.  Taking some time to explore some new designs, books and other finds, that might entice me to open my wallet!  A relaxing shopping experience! Maybe more relaxing than finding a space on the first floor! 

I usually spend my early mornings in the quietness of the library. For the most part, my time at the university does not extend beyond the library, my lectures and tutorials, as a mature student, I balance busy home life and full time studies.  I head to the university in the morning with my spouse, we leave each other in the parking lot and move on to the rest our of day at the university, a return home on public transit.  My morning stop is the library, at 8am there is plenty of space, access to computers, desks and a space to sit and a quietness about the library, the day is only just beginning.  Finding a space in the morning, is such a relief, I can get some work done as soon as I arrive, and do not have to worry about the more difficult task of finding a seat or a space later in the day, when the library fills with activity. In the afternoon, the challenge of library and the micro-meeting place are very similar, where does one find a relaxing and comfortable space. The micro meeting place, a space that is filled with so much activity, movement, and continuous flows of people, challenges its intended design! Further research is required!