#and another picture of me when I well relapsed badly a couple years ago

[honeykaes]

…2 years today

[dead-girl-dying]

Eating Disorder Questions

1. Which eating disorder do you have? Probably EDNOS/OSFED, but I’m not diagnosed even though the psychiatrist I saw in the hospital knew about my disordered eating. 2. When did you develop your eating disorder? Two or three months ago is when I started restricting, but a year ago I started writing down everything I ate (not calories, just the food) but I stopped a month or two after. I’ve been self conscious about my weight and general appearance since I was 12 though, but definitely when I was 14. 3. Are you currently in recovery? No. 4. Honestly do you want to recover? Not yet. 5. How are you doing today? Pretty good. I was feeling sick and tired and faint earlier, but after dinner I was feeling a lot happier and more energized. 6. Five safe foods? Grapes, lettuce, apples, cream of wheat, and saltine crackers. 7. Five fear foods? Cheese, mayonnaise, chocolate, bread, and multi-vitamins. 8. Do you count calories? Yes. 9. What is your max calorie limit? Right now it’s 640, but I might change it to 600 after the weekend. 10. What is your height? 5'6" 11. What is your ultimate goal weight? 100 pounds. 12. Are you trying to lose weight? Yes. 13. Have you ever been called fat? No. 14. Have you ever been called too thin? No. 15. What is your current goal weight? 120 pounds. 16. What was your highest weight? Probably between 145 and 150 pounds. But that would be when I was 14 and I didn’t weigh myself then. 17. What was your lowest weight? 124 pounds. 18. Do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? Yes, even though it’s only a couple pounds away from my current weight. 19. Does your family know about your eating disorder? Yes, they know I haven’t been eating enough and they keep pressuring me to eat more and pointing out my weightloss. 20. Do your friends know about your eating disorder? Yes, three of them do. My best friend, my ex girlfriend, and my crush. 21. Do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? Yes. 22. Do you have any free foods? No. 23. How often do you weigh yourself? Every morning to write it down so I keep track, but sometimes I weigh myself throughout the day as well. 24. Thinspo or bonespo? Thinspo. Bonespo scares me sometimes. 25. Biggest problem area on your body? My thighs, butt, arms, hips, and waist. 26. Favourite part of your body? I don’t really like any part of my body. 27. What kind of results do you want to see? Way thinner thighs, small butt, thinner waist, thinner arms, and being able to see my ribcage. If I could I would also make my feet smaller, my hips smaller, my ribcage smaller, and my height shorter. 28. Do you purge? No. 29. Do you take laxatives? N/A 30. How often do you purge? N/A 31. Do you binge? Maybe a couple times when I gave up on dieting for a bit. Usually with bread or chocolate. 32. How long have you fasted for? Up to two and a half days straight, but I’ve gone for 50 hours without water. 33. Who’s your biggest thinspiration? My crush. He’s perfect and I want to be him so badly. 34. Favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? I don’t really have one. 35. Favourite thinspo picture? Don’t have one in particular. 36. Can you post a photo of yourself/your body? I have a few in the tag #body check 37. How does your eating disorder affect your life? It makes me lie more, and spend a lot of time Googling calories, and walk long distances instead of taking the bus, and drink so much water and tea, and plan my meals in advance, and panic when people offer me food. 38. What is your BMI? I don’t know. 39. Do you follow a diet? Not any specific diet, I just try to stay under 640 calories a day. 40. Least favourite part about your eating disorder? It used to be worrying that I’ll die in my sleep from dehydration because I restricted water, but now it’s not being able to enjoy my favourite foods and being hungry all the time and having my parents pressure me to eat more. 41. Has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? Not yet, but it’s made things worse with my crush. 42. Do you have a guilty pleasure food? What is it? It used to be chocolate, now it’s sushi I guess. 43. Meanspo or sweetspo? I prefer meanspo, but I don’t care much for either. 44. Does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? My best friend. She relapsed recently and started purging and I’ve been having nightmares about all her bones breaking. 45. Have you ever been an inpatient? Yes, for 8 days. 46. Have you ever been an outpatient? No. 47. Have you ever been in residential care? No. 48. Have you ever been in a psych ward? No. 49. Are you currently in therapy? I have a therapist, but my next appointment with her isn’t for almost another month because I don’t want to miss school. 50. What did you eat today? I had a couple crackers, some pea shoots, an avocado sushi roll and ginger, and a salad I made. I posted about it earlier. 51. Are you scared about the holidays? There aren’t any coming up that involve a lot of food, and I already gave away my Easter candy because I didn’t want to be tempted by it. 52. Are you family/friends supportive? I’m not currently trying to recover. 53. Do you have any other mental illnesses? I think I was diagnosed with depression, but there’s probably something else as well. 54. Are you looking for ana buddies? No, I don’t want the guilt of encouraging someone’s eating disorder. 55. What is your current weight? Last time I weighed myself it was 129 pounds but that was after I ate a lot. In the morning I was 125.6 pounds.