#my younger self I think would be proud of where I am too both in terms of my mental health (ehhh still but def progress over the years) etc

[honeykaes]

…2 years today

[irish-urn]

I’ve been reading Dasey fics and theres always this conflict about how Casey is scared to reveal her feelings because of her morals and what family and friends are going to think but then like a couple chapters later, they get together and it’s never brought up again. So my question is, how do you think the family would navigate through this? I can imagine Nora and George being confused and surprised in the beginning but I don’t know. I always love to hear your thoughts.

OH BOY MY FAVOURITE KIND OF QUESTION. Thank you sooooo much for hitting me up!! I love chatting!!! <3 <3 <3

Okay, so. SO. I think in EVERY universe I am working in (with the exception of the Hades AU), I have George and Nora reacting poorly. I genuinely believe with ALL MY HEART that they would be completely blind-sided by Derek and Casey getting together. We see this in my main college series kick at the darkness 'till it bleeds daylight, but I stand by this for... pretty much every version of Derek and Casey. Even the AUs where they aren't stepsiblings, I imagine George and Nora are just totally befuddled by them.

BUT, for the sake of this ask, let's look at canon. I believe that Nora has this idea in her head of a perfect family -- and she failed the first time with Dennis. Dennis was, in theory, the perfect man, the kind of man everyone expected her to marry. And that marriage failed. So now she's trying again with George, and it's messy and complicated, but dammit if she isn't going to do her best to make it seem like they are the perfect blended family. There's also all the pressure she puts on Casey -- while I don't believe Nora intends to do this, the fact is that likely after the divorce, Nora was overwhelmed and Casey saw this and, being who she is, just stepped up to the plate and took on extra responsibilities. Nora was grateful (obviously) and so proud that her daughter(s) are young women she can depend upon, and so she just... keeps leaning and trusting Casey to be the perfect Grade A daughter.

When it comes to George: I think he loves his kids. I think he's tried to be a good dad for them. I think they were fed, sheltered, and had a lot of fun with him, and very little discipline. I think, as a result, Marti and Derek are brats -- and the only reason Edwin is less of one is because DEREK keeps him in line. But Edwin can be pretty bratty too. What does this mean? It means that when Derek does reach out for help or does do something mature and right, it's usually either ignored or seen as "too little too late". I think that Derek and George have a lot of the same flaws, and George sees a lot of his younger self in Derek. And, as we see in LWL, neither George nor Nora view Derek as having grown up at all, despite the fact that his life is arguably in better shape than Casey's and he's far more mature than George.

What does this mean for them being faced with Dasey? I think Nora would FREAK and I think George would follow her lead. From my re-watch of the show, Nora spends a lot of time correcting George's parenting techniques; sometimes George convinces her to relax because it's not a big deal, and sometimes Nora convinces George to take things more seriously. But I do SERIOUSLY think that Nora would see her perfect, good daughter claiming to be in love WITH HER STEPBROTHER, the young man that Nora sees as a SON; and I think Nora would immediately refuse it. Because Nora has spent so much time trying to fix what she broke before; and I think she would see this relationship as, like, a cannonball aimed at her McTuri ship. I think George would see his wife incredibly upset and, judging by how he treats and views Derek, would take her side.

I think, at best, both parents would see this as a temporary rebellion on Casey's side, and just an impulsive move from Derek. I can just imagine George reminding Nora that Casey is a very attractive girl and Derek LIKES girls; of course he'd go after her if he had a shot. I think then there would be lots of mumbles of, "But he should know better than to go after his sister; I guess we expected too much from him; it'll blow over, he never commits to anything for long." (which is not true, btw. Look at hockey, look at film, look at his best friends (from his CHILDHOOD), look at his family. When Derek loves, he COMMITS.)

That being said, I think that, if Casey and Derek stuck to their guns and held their ground, Nora and George would eventually cave because, and I do stress this, they love their children. Nora loves Casey; George loves Derek. Neither wants to disown them or push them away. So, I think they would, after a lot of talking and Dasey determination, try to be okay with it.

I think, for a long time, it would be a "fake it until you make it" kind of thing. I think they would pretend to be okay with it because the other option is Derek and Casey not being around, and that's going to break up the family as much as (if not more so) them breaking up would. I think Nora makes contingency plans for when they break up. I think Nora has a lot of talks with Casey to check in; I think Casey is very private about her relationship with Derek and has been hurt by the reaction, and so is hesitant to divulge much information. I think this doesn't help calm Nora down whatsoever. I think George probably talks to the other kids (who I will get to in a minute) to try to understand. I think he kind of does, but doesn't trust his son enough not to screw it up.

I think it's years before George and Nora would actually be okay with it; and I think it would be one of those things where they pretended for so long eventually it became real. One day, Nora realized that when she said, "How sweet!" about something Derek did for Casey, she meant it. I suspect that this realization makes her sit down and think about her choices for a long time; and then I think she might apologize to Casey and finally start mending their relationship.

THE KIDS: I think they KNOW that Derek and Casey do not view each other as siblings. I think, especially as Edwin and Lizzie get older, they recognize UST for what it is. I think they love their siblings very much and recognize that the best thing for all of them is for them to be together.

THAT BEING SAID: I don't think it's a smooth transition for them. I think they probably find it SUPER weird at first. I think they told themselves for MONTHS that they would be supportive; and then they see Casey give Derek a kiss, and their brains explode a little. I think Marti is more okay with it than Edwin and Lizzie, but that's because she knows how much her Smerek loves Casey, and all kissing is gross, they're not special. I think Edwin and Lizzie try SO HARD to be cool about it, but it takes time. But I think both Derek and Casey, although hurt about their discomfort, understand that it's not disapproval, it's just growing pains and the awkwardness of seeing your sibling being sappy and in love. I think they'd adapt MUCH quicker than Genora, but would probably take more time than they thought, and I think Edwin and Lizzie would be disappointed in themselves.

Simon? I have NO idea. It depends on how old he is when they get together and the circumstances around it. Honestly, if you want, I can give you my HC on how everyone handles Derek and Casey getting together after LWL if you want, as opposed to as young adults.

This was a really long answer, but it's a complicated situation. I promise you that in any fic I have that has Derek and Casey getting together and the family involved, I wouldn't just brush over the family reaction. I love the fact that it would be dramatic, because it allows for conflict and relationship growth that isn't cheating or miscommunication or all those other tropes I dislike so much. This is a real and heartbreaking conflict that could make or break Dasey; and I love playing with the complications of family.

Please, please, reach out if you want any more of my thoughts or if you want me to expand on any of this. I looooooove talking about this stuff. Makes me cackle like a little gremlin.

[fsfghgee]

I think that in an AU maybe their father/Grandmaster was actually harsh on Bi-Han because he's the first born and the moment Kuai Liang came he only shows care to him. When Tomas is now part of it, he became another favorite.

Bi-Han would have felt horrible and angry at his father for such emotional switch up.

Maybe later Tomas tries to comfort his older brother and seek friendship. Emotional things bad or good can happen and both had the sex.

For Bi han it was a relief and freedom, for Tomas it was everything. Then quick bi han harshly rejects Tomas and leaves, leaving Tomas with a broken heart!

Bi Han being too angry again when someone tries to flirt with Tomas.

Bi Han needs help at this point!

HOT SPRING

Bi-Han x Tomas

- You will make the Lin Kuei stronger than ever. I have faith in you.

After another day of hard training under his father's command, Bi-Han leaned on the memories of his dear mother combing his hair, whispering words of comfort, strengthening their resolve...

- What if I don't make it, mother? A-And if they…

- No one is better than a Lin Kuei. - His mother's sweet voice intoned, but Bi-Han knew well that she wasn't angry.

He relaxes even more when he feels the pressure of his mother's soft lips on the back of his head, closing his eyes to enjoy the affection. There was no better place in the world to go back to his old self than protected, wrapped and caressed by the matriarch's arms.

- You will bring glory to our clan and make them proud to have you as their leader, in the same way I am proud to have you as my son.

- Mother…

No. He couldn't fall apart...

He would not fail the Lin Kuei...

He wouldn't let her down now...

She had taught him to be strong and withstand all the trials imposed by his father. All the hours of studying, all the hard training…

Missions that challenged the limits of his body and mind, all to make him, the heir to the clan, a perfect Grandmaster.

- You remain unworthy.

“I will show you.”

________

- I love winter!

- Shouldn't you wear warmer clothes? - Looking Tomas up and down, he was worried about the youngest wearing the summer uniform as if the extreme low temperature and snow that surrounded them didn't affect him at all. - How can you not feel cold when you are just a…

Swallowing the words before they all came out, Kuai Liang looked away. He didn't want to offend his younger brother or put him down like Bi-Han often did.

- You forget that I grew up hunting in temperatures even colder than this, Kuai Liang. - With his back to his brother from another mother, he leaned down just to make a snowball. - The cold has never affected me negatively. On the contrary, just fuels my combat 'till these days.

- Oh, no... - Kuai Liang was indignant when he was caught off guard by Tomas' quick movement, wiping the remaining snow from his hair and face. - You won't get away with this!

Tomas laughed as he ran away from the other, stopping a few times to quickly create other snowballs and counterattack.

- There's no point in hiding! - The pryomancer went deeper into the forest, looking for the typhomancer who had run inside first. Tomas hadn't specialized in Typhomancy for nothing, since his first trainings he had left masters impressed with his natural talent for stealth. - I'll find you...

- Tomas.

- Too slow. - He laughed, imagining how angry the pryomancer would be at being hit with yet another snowball, but his smile soon faded when he saw who he had hit. - Bi-Han? -The growl and deadly glare directed at him caused a shiver of fear to run through his insides. - S-Sorry. I'm so sorry! I thought you were...

- Still wasting my brother's time with your stupid jokes?! - Before he could get any closer, Bi-Han pushed him away with a gust of icy wind. - Let him know that father wants to see him. I'll be back in a few days.

- W-Where are you going?

- Do what some of us were born to do. Something you will never be able to understand. - He stated snobbishly, looking him up and down. - Hunting dog.

________

  “Bi-Han!”

“Help me, son!”

“Bi-Han!”

- It's better this way. - Bi-Han immersed himself in the thermal water, letting the heat undo the knots in his back, ease the tension in his muscles, caress his skin and comfort him in the midst of his disturbing thoughts.

He did what had to be done.

The Lin Kuei would always fight for him, his most loyal followers would always watch his back and his brother would always be by his side.

The future would be perfect.

- I must train harder. - Tomas muttered to himself as he undressed. Having been defeated once again by Cyrax, he wondered why his older brother refused to help him with his training. - If Bi-Han wasn't so selfish, he would… - He had already taken off all his clothes, leaving his skin exposed to the heat of the place, when the sight of another person in the fountain frightened him, causing his muscles to tense up again. - Bi-Han?

Only family members of the Grandmaster had access to that place. And Kuai Liang had just left when he said goodbye on the way to the hot spring.

- Keep silent or get out of here.

- R-Really? You don't mind that I... - Noticing the older man's increasingly hard gaze, he fell silent and took a deep breath to calm down.

A calm that was short-lived, anxiety growing as he became more lost in thought as he observed the older man's relaxed features.

He was so different that way…

Almost vulnerable.

Tomas had promised himself to protect his new family.

He swore a public oath to the Lin Kuei, but the oath in his heart and mind that day was different.

A personal, silent and secret vote.

Even if unrequited, he would be faithful to that vow until his last breath.

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @nanashi23

Who You Are:

Eon || They/them

I am an ancient hermit living in the suburban deserts of Colorado. Before becoming a hermit, I've did time in the publishing industry, but mostly greasing wheels, not the fun stuff.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, adventure, comedy, contemporary, drama, fantasy, horror, paranormal, psychological, sci-fi, thriller, and tragedy. New adult and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Science and Speculative fiction. As a queer person in the ADHD propaganda generation, something needs to remind people there is still hope, anger and passion in the world and that experiences cannot be commodified.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Mystery, because I just feel like I am not smart enough to make it mysterious. YA because I'm not sure how. Younger children's books because… I like to say fuck. : )

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Lost, lonely, angry people who like space queers and the occasional jackass. Yes, I think people will get it, especially if they just walk in expecting a good time and not a world shaking adventure.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Apparently hope? The more I read my own writing the more I realize I write about 9/11, culture wars, fighting against an enemy everyone thinks is dead because 'you won' some arbitrary battle. Tropes are hard for me because I am old. Disaster duos are my favorite one that I can say for sure.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Very little turns me off - especially if done with taste.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

Second book of what might end up being a trilogy. Book is called Starrender, coupled to Silvermoon. I started writing it in 2021. Book 2 I started in May of 2022.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

Creativity is compulsory, is my understanding of it. "I just work here," is how I describe it to other writers. I wish I could explain, but for me it's… therapy, escape, fun, joy. What keeps me writing? Me.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

This is a hard question because I have written as long as I can remember. What first drew me too it? See the above answer. Creativity feels compulsory. I have hyperfantasia, my day dreams are vivid, strong and indulgent.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

The easiest answer to this is dreams. My current set started as a dream and was fleshed out with my co-author. Something brand new, shiny. It's evolved a lot beyond that, especially since that dream was from 2013. Other inspiration comes from spite, I suppose? Did I write a trans wizard novel for obvious reasons? Yes. I still haven't made peace with that decision though, I wish I had spent that year working on something I loved more.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

The one I'm publishing in March 2023 - Terms of Light. Above all other things, I feel like it's a love letter to myself and to my spouse. It took me so long to find what home should feel like and I think this really embodies that journey.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

Yes - and yes. Self published Terms of Light (March 2023). I have been querying and trying to hook an agent since 2013 - no luck so far.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Trad pub - A marketing team. Self pub - control Both - A physical book in my hands and the ability to hand a book to someone. It's a strange phenomena but when you tell people you have been published and aren't able to hand them a physical book, they get strange. They've done whole studies about it. The perception of something available as free is lesser, even if the content and quality is not. I truly don't care about the money, I care about accessibility to stories that might not make it because they're not "on brand." (Read in 2014, LGBTQ+)

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Writing is appealing to me. I love it. I hate editing. I don't know why, but much like I dislike revisiting shows, books and other media I've visited before, editing has the same kind of yuck to it. Trying to get over that.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

Process is not something I think I would call what I have but… Since most start as a dream, I have a Dream Theater folder. Outline usually comes with the initial brain dump, and by outline I do me, high level, not too detailed vagaries about what's happening, cool things, and notes and thoughts. From there, I wait for a first line to hit me and… write until I'm out of steam. I can usually rock out the first 10 - 14 chapters of something in a month to two months depending on how hot the writing fever is… the middle slog does take it's toll on me. After Draft 1 is done, I force it on some poor alpha reader, and come back in a year when I'm potentially ready to edit it. Editing is it's own thing. I have no process for this, I don't know if I ever will.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

About a year. @winterandwords inspired me, I'm in a Discord server with her and she told me it was "better now."

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@winterandwords - Because they are an absolute delight. They write everything I've always wanted too and it is a visual and emotional FEAST in my mind. @sergeantnarwhalwrites - That guy rocks, what an encouraging soul! With a great sense of humor. Delightful. No idea how I found them, but glad I did.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Interaction!! Even if it's light, it's nice to see some things get notes. I feel less alone, even though I am also able to control my experience a bit more so I'm not inundated with activity.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

This is a hard one because… short of having more time in everyone's day to read and respond, I don't think things can be improved with what we have.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I react, I reblog, I respond when I can. I follow writers that have the same vibe and try and lift them up when I see they may not be doing great. Can I do more? Sure. If I had the emotional energy and time.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Writing. Publishing info.

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Any kind. I'm not particular. I usually do snips, reblogs of fun things as well as writing things, and of course, a little bit of SJW nonsense - because it's Tumblr. Ya gotta.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Anymore? No where. Twitter disappeared as soon as I started having privacy concerns. I'm building a website but… I'm a slacker ; ). TBC.

[julietasgf]

hey its the plinth family anon! i really enjoyed and appreciated your long answers to my questions! I guess only Suzanne knows why on earth Ma stayed with Strabo... I am curious about whether Ma's parents and siblings would have taken her in if she had left Strabo though. In the book, she had one sister who still kept in touch with her so I wonder if that sister would have been willing to take her in if she had left Strabo? Tbh I'd be pretty confused if Ma's parents and siblings didn't want to take her in if she left Strabo because she may have married a scumbag but by leaving him, at least she kinda sees the light and is escaping him? why wouldn't her family want to help her then? I'm so curious about your hcs for how Ma and Strabo met and why Ma is so loyal/in love with him! you mentioned sejanus and coriolanus and keeping the cycle going, so does this mean you hc Ma and Strabo to have met and befriended each other when one of them was going through a hard time? seeing Ma trying to ignore all of Strabo's wrongdoings is making me think of this tiktok i saw where it said something like "you don't have to lie to women, if she likes you enough she'll lie to herself"...it's kinda mind-boggling to me how tightly Ma is clinging onto Strabo, like did this man save her from certain death when they were younger or something???

hello anon!! I'm so glad you appreciated the long answers bc I'm too talkative and if you let me, I'll talk endlessly about this stuff, I actually have to look back and be like "okay, now I'm talking too much, let's stop here" 😭 but I saw that it got accidentally sent your other thoughts, so I'm going to answer both in only this post, I hope that's okay by you :D

there's some stuff in the book that makes me feel like suzanne collins is the type of writer to make the whole background story of side characters, but not show them bc they're unnecessary story wise, you can't tell me she doesn't know exactly what the hell is the plinth backstory in D2 (I think she did it but I just can't prove it....)

I hardly think her family (except, maybe, the sister that still talks to her) would take her in, imo. D2 seem like a district that it's full of proud people, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but strabo being a dick is not the worst part of this marriage: is that he betrayed the whole district. the plinths are despised back in two. I think ma's family didn't like him from the start, but he was not the worst; he was the worst when he betrayed everyone, and when she chose to not leave him, she made her choice of who her loyalty lays with. it's with him, not with them. and besides, taking back a plinth (even if it's an ex-plinth) and welcoming her in their home would definitely not be seen with good eyes.

(maybe it's a bit of self-projecting, but where I live, it's much more common for the woman to still keep in contact and close with her family, not the man; I grew up with my cousins from my mother's side and I hardly know anyone from my father's side. siding with your husband in a situation like this would be seen as a BIG offense, something that's very much unforgivable. I could see that being the case)

now, from now on, there's a lot of my personal headcanons and thoughts bc I'm OBSESSED with the plinths and their life in D2:

OKAY SO there's a very, very small and discreet line on the ma plinth study I wrote that goes like: "vesta had dreams, even if her father rolled his eyes at most of them." I actually plan to write something from strabo's pov and explore more about this, but basically, I think ma plinth had a not very good relationship with her parents, and most of all, with her father (the cycle keeps on cycling). I think her family was overprotective and she felt suffocated (I think she was the youngest, the baby sibling, and this just made everything much worse). now, I have exactly in my mind how I think they met: ma plinth went with her father to the city center, and her father was searching for a gun to buy to leave at home as a way to protect the family. the plinths didn't have an industry yet; it was little more than a small thing, where they built some modest models to sell. strabo was there. he was talking to her father, and then turned to her and asked if she would like anything. her father made a comment diminishing her, saying that she was too dense to understand about guns, and poor ma was so embarassed even though used to it because her father always do that kind of thing, but to her surprise, strabo plinth didn't laugh. he looked at her father very seriously and said that she looked smart enough to understand about it, and if someone has hands, that person can shoot well.

he was the first person to actually defend her in front of her father from these kind of "jokes" and comments. not even her sisters or her own mother had done that before, all too terrified to say something. and that was enough.

about strabo and his siblings: fucked up shit happened. let's go about my personal hcs about him and his family: he's the only son of his father and his mother, but his mother died and his father married again when he was around 5 or 6. his father and his stepmother had two other kids. he never had a good relationship with his stepmother and he resents his father very much for marrying shortly after the death of his mother (omg cinderella hiiii). strabo was the eldest, he had to basically raise his half-siblings as his father was always at their small industry and his stepmother worked for endless hours. he learned to shoot from a young age to know how to protect them. he didn't hate his half-siblings, but he was tired of having to carry all the responsability on his shoulders, especially when they still had a loving mother while he didn't. it seemed so unfair.

(the sad part is that his half-siblings did look up to him. they loved him. they saw him as an example.)

his father got sick when he was a teen and he started to work hard on their small factory. and strabo has a lot of flaws, but let me tell you something: that man works hard. he worked enough to make their small shop rather famous in D2, and worked enough to pay for everything his father needed to while sick. his half-siblings never were interested in the industry, and neither was his stepmother, so when his father died when strabo was in his late teens, he was pissed off that his stepmother wanted to inherit the factory. they never worked a single day on it while he kept it going on. his half-siblings tried to reason with him, but he was just so angry, and a lot of hurtful things were said. in the end, strabo got the factory, but he left home and never came back. he said things that were too cruel to his half-siblings, the kind of thing that they could never really forgive.

ma is very family-oriented and couldn't really understand why strabo resented his half-siblings so much (specially because she also had family issues, being close with her sisters was what kept her going on), but she tries to have empathy with it, knowing people react in different ways to different things. I can totally see her one day trying to bring the subject of in-laws and strabo just looking so annoyed and resented that she knows that there's bad blood involved.

(it's so ironic to me that she didn't understand how he was so resented with his half-siblings, but in the future, her own sisters were as resented with her)

strabo is genuinely so interesting, I really wish to know what went through his mind, or just know more from his canon backstory, what made him make the choices he made. he's ruthless and cold, he sold guns to people that hated his guts and hated where he's from. he didn't betray a single person, he betrayed his whole PEOPLE. but he seems to care about ma and sejanus to a certain level, in his twisted way. he moved to the capitol thinking about giving them a better life, and still, he's hated by his own son, the one he thought he was protecting by moving to the capitol. ouch.

[gloriousvermin]

Dear dad, I had always thought you were a pretty cool guy. You listened to good music, you knew how to do everything. Recently though I've released that I don't remember ever feeling loved. I remember times when I was even younger than I am now, where you were forceful with your children. They would scream and cry that you were holding too hard and you would tell them to quit crying. Those days are over now but you seem to have forgotten to guide them.

I know that when I was afraid I didn't trust to ask you for help. I know you never prepared me life. You taught me skills I didn't want they may never be useful to me now that I never go on trips to the mountains. I know that one day you told me you were proud of who I was becoming and I scowled

I remember you told me I was good enough when I wasn't and got angry when I was right and I couldn't do it

I know id rather you just leave me alone now instead of trying to be a part of my life.

I know I hear songs of people talking about their parents in ways I never could and wish it wasn't so

I think you are a fool and can't tell your kids you love them

Dear mom, I remember so very little of how it used to be but I know you made me go to church and youth groups and get very mad when I didn't memorize verses or didn't want to go. Honestly I wish I had more to say about what I remember about you, but I don't and I think that speaks more than I ever could.

I may not remember much of them but now I know you tell me to be better than humanly possible as encouragement. I know you strip away the few things that bring me happiness the second I don't measure up to my reputation. I know you yell at me for not trying and then tell me I'm better than I am. I know you told me you might as well slit your wrists when I said I didn't know if you love me. I know you don't let me ever oppose you. I know you raise your voice everyday. I know you let the youngest waste their youth just like I did. I know you told me that I don't get to choose.

Do you remember when I took pre algebra over the summer and cried because I didn't do it perfectly? Do you remember how you told me to just be better and do it anyway?

And to both of you, I know you have no respect for your childrens privacy. Remember when you let me find out that my sister was cutting herself? I'm certain she didn't want her brothers knowing that. Remember when your first son tried to commit suicide? Remember when you told my other sister I was contemplating self harm? I didn't want her knowing that. Remember when you told me a slip in grades and disinterest in education was a sign of mental issues as if I didn't know that I was sad?

Remember how you complain so much about your "daughter" that stays in "her" room all day and then make fun of "her" when "she" leaves? Or how you ignore that "she" clearly has some kind of anxiety disorder. And what about all the children who are so clearly disturbed in your home?

Did you ever notice how you never pay attention to us until we are the oldest?

Dear mom, dear dad

You had too many kids and I don't think you can care for a single one

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Since the Oda and Adam duo post seems to have gone over well here are a couple other duos with potential that get rotated around in my brain after midnight:

Akutagawa and Aya - I've posted about this before. Continues the trend of unwilling and tired young adult begrudgingly looking out for a loud child who consistently runs headfirst into trouble. Bonus if he becomes so done with the situation that he just wraps her up in Rashoumon and carries her like that while Aya screams in outrage. (Bonus bonus: I think they could bond over the respective treatment they have endured at the hands of those who should've been proud of them.)

Lucy and Kyouka - No one thinks they'll get along and it looks like maybe they don't...? The energy is really awkward? But they still choose to spend time together? Actually, they like each other, and any awkwardness or harsh comments are only out of blunt factual observation (Kyouka) or obliviousness (Lucy). One day, they show up to work with matching accessories in their hair. (Also I think they'd be a great balancing act, personality wise. Lucy's very imaginative and Kyouka's quite grounded but both could really help each other regain some of their lost childhoods in that Lucy has lots of cool ideas she never got to do and Kyouka is bold enough to get both of them to try.)

Kyouka and Dazai - ENTIRELY self-indulgent. I want them to get into mischief together. I want Kyouka to show Dazai pictures of all the bunnies she pet. I want Dazai to encourage her into believing she can be good and supporting her no killing philosophy (with a sharp pang in his chest every time he sees her dedication and the serious look in her eyes) but then like. Show her how to commit minor crimes with no trace. He decides one day to take her to a festival and guilt trips Kunikida into letting them both go and Kunikida is forced to relent because aw, that's really sweet and then he turns around and his wallet is gone.

Fukuzawa and young Yosano - It's sad time. I really want to know how she adjusted. And yes, I like the idea of seeing how she was with Ranpo too but I really want to see her with Fukuzawa. He must've shown her the ropes. Helped her get her degree? Made her feel comfortable again and confident that she could heal and not just wound? It's just interesting to me because it would have to be a completely different approach to the one he took with Ranpo and he's not exactly a natural at parenting, much as he tries. I think there's nothing sweeter and more tragic than this man, a master swordsman and former assassin, who has decided fairly recently to open his heart to others, looking at this small, damaged child and thinking "I don't know how to help you." And then helping her anyways. As best he can.

Kunikida and Higuchi - The true "I am so exasperated with everyone in my workplace" duo. An omake introduced the concept that they vent to each other online and I think that's hilarious. They find out each other's real identities and panic for a moment and get hostile and then remember that this is the only other reasonably sane person they have spoken to in months and go get coffee and complain about their jobs.

Teruko and Atsushi - Okay, this one is actually possible. Not much to it other than I think they'd work really well together. They'd kick ass. They could kick my ass. I'd thank them for it. (Actually it's also got something to do with Teruko seeming jaded and older and Atsushi being the offset in that he's younger and naive but also something something she couldn't torture him because he went to go check on a child and something something they both made bodily sacrifices - Atsushi's many injuries and Teruko's surgical modifications - and repeatedly get hurt using their power to protect civilians... I want to know where her character is going because I don't think she's convinced by the DoA's mission and I think a part of her still wants justice... remains to be seen I guess.)

[hikennosabo]

trimax vol 13 random thoughts (ch 5-9)

part 1 here!

chapter 5:

okay, it took me way longer than it should have to figure out what happened in this scene, lol. razlo gets behind elendira and blocks her nail gun with the nail that's already in his body which jams her gun and pushes the nail further into his torso which takes them both by surprise.

"some dumbasses"?? do you mean wolfwood and vash?? LOL

come on, come on, come on!!! he's so cute, lol. he's like a dog who wants to play.

i love watching razlo fight!!! it's so fun seeing him fight a different way due to not having his punishers/third arm anymore. he's having so much fun too, it's infectious~

UNTIL ELENDIRA USES A PSYCHIC ATTACK ON HIM. JESUS CHRIST. THAT ONE ALMOST HAD ME.

chapter 6:

ma'am could you please stop serving cunt for a second i'm trying to read manga and you are distracting me

AAAAAGH AND THEN SHE BLASTS HIS LEG OFF. THAT ONE WASN'T FAKE THAT ONE WAS REAL. he'll be okay but :(

CHEKHOV'S VIAL?!

uuuueeee... wolfwood... just seeing the little panel of him... i miss him so much... and the reminder of wolfwood brings livio back out. ueee... waaahhhh...

i'm sitting here trying to articulate my feelings about livio and razlo and i can't, really... :') livio feeling so bad and apologizing that he has to rely on razlo so much, razlo doing his best to encourage livio... they really care about each other a lot. it's very sweet. i care them. :(((

oh this is so very much not how DID works but it's both cool and important to their character arcs so it's FINE!!!! it's fine

huuuhhhmmmmm something something symbolism in livio's guns being reversible and livio and razlo working together, two as one... is this anything? am i connecting any dots here?

they were able to bring elendira to her knees with their teamwork!!!!

chapter 7:

uwaaahhh! young livio flashback!! this is where his twinky stampede self came from i guess. i hope season 2 gives us a beefier version-

...wait. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait wait. hold on. speaking of stampede. give me a second.

*returns 30 minutes later* HUH. INTERESTING. so stampede shows us livio working hard in EoM to catch up with wolfwood, but in the manga, it's all but outright stated that he's trying to catch up with razlo.

sorry i'm just fascinated by the tristamp/manga differences and seeing younger livio doing pushups reminded me (stamp!livio does pushups the same way!!)

we're not supposed to know that razlo exists yet in tristamp; i wonder if or how season 2 is going to reframe any of this. it's not like i dislike livio and wolfwood's relationship in stampede!! i think it's really sweet, introducing livio into ww's story earlier is a good move, and livio joining EoM to catch up with ww makes everything in the relevant episodes more emotional. but the relationship between livio and razlo is just as important!!

razlo encouraging livio is SO cute, uwaaaahhh...

WAAAHHHHH!!!! I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH!!!!!

babygirl, please, i am begging. why are you so sad. tell me who hurt you. i am on my hands and knees.

to him... while drinking wolfwood's last vial... i am going to fucking throw up i feel so normal about this

chapter 8:

elendira, killed by her own nail... oh girl... my beloved... i did not expect her to live but i'm still sad she's gone. what a fantastic fight though. might be my favorite fight in this manga.

also livio's gonna have an interesting time trying to get up and get her off of him once his limbs regenerate... uh... if they can regenerate? i'm assuming they can...

i am gonna fucking CRYYYY... calling him by name... wwwaaaaahhhhh...

he would be so proud of you, livio!!!! WAAAAHHH!!!

okay, time to cut back to my other faves having their own battle.

it's so funny that legato thinks this. dude, she hates your guts. if she knew she was gonna see you in the afterlife soon she WOULD worry.

huh? that's her name? like the painting?

also i've been wondering this whole time why she looks like that. like why is she designed to look like a woman. did legato design her himself?? is this his aesthetic sense??

haha ouch! thanks for spelling out the metaphor so plainly!

ahhhh, july flashback... this was uhhh... *checks* ten years ago. supposedly. i'm not sure how much i trust the timeline anymore.

actually i do wonder how measuring time works on this planet. like, everything seems to be measured the same way it is on earth, so does noman's land also have 365 days in a year and 24 hour days?

he's so cute, i am holding him gently in my hands.

knives is so mean... to be just a tiny little bit fair to him, i too would be low on patience if my brother just blasted me with a death beam and someone suddenly started handling my guts that were hanging out. but he's so mean!! i feel bad for legato!!

i AM surprised that knives is still conscious... and that he's still mostly intact. like his guts are hanging out but it looks like his legs and arms (or at least one arm) are still attached, and he's still got. y'know. most of his skin. certainly more intact than his stampede self, lmao.

vash, honey, what on earth makes you think he plans on living through this fight any more than you are. :')

i just like this spread.

chapter 9:

OH BOY, HE'S FERAL!!! truly, he is going out in a blaze of glory just like he wanted. i wouldn't expect anything else from him at this point.

ahhh... stampede!legato talks a lot about discarding emotion in favor of devotion. but emotion and devotion are intrinsically linked. legato is a pretty emotional person, he cries a lot and yells a lot... as long as he can express his devotion to knives, he feels like he's fulfilling his purpose, so he's happy... i'm glad he's having fun at least... :')

WAAAAHHH VASH IS REMEMBERING WOLFWOOD NOW... his face is not quite visible but... vash is remembering wolfwood's words because he's thinking he really is going to have to kill legato to end this fight... killing legato just like in the 98 anime...

i get caught up in the action, but every time they bring wolfwood up i realize how much i miss him...

this panel fucks.

i love watching legato go fucking crazy fighting. i wanna see this fight animated so bad :''')

when i read the top panel, i was like, "because of knives, right?" then i read the bottom panel... ahhh... not just knives... every plant... it's a good thing tristamp established this relatively early because we don't really see vash doing this in the story lol

i'm remembering "do you think we can become friends with them?" "yeah... it might take a lot of effort though..." :'''')

chronica, girl, i know you're very angry with knives, but as far as revenge goes, you need to get in line. you got here like five minutes ago, there are other people with much longer-lasting beef than you who deserve a shot at him before you.

the smallest meryl u can imagine...

WAAAAH this is so sweet, they love him so much :(

i said this already but i LOVE seeing legato go all-out, it's cool!! it gets me pumped up!!! this is just... such a good fight!!!

wait, is the earth ship falling because chronica used up so much energy firing the cannon multiple times?? GIRL...

THIS PAGE FUCKS!!!

THIS SPREAD ALSO FUCKS!! the way that the debris fades out above them, they're only focused on each other...!!!

final thoughts... i'm surprised legato survived this volume?! i really thought he would die in this one... he lasted longer than i thought he would, not that i'm complaining... UUAAAAAGHHH i am gnawing on my arm rn, i can't believe there's only one volume left?! i'll be finished *checks day* TOMORROW?!?!? if i don't procrastinate on reading... which i might do because i don't want it to be over... waaaah...

how will knives be defeated? can humanity survive? will livio's limbs regenerate? and most importantly, HOW WILL VASH GET HIS WILL TO LIVE BACK?!?!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for torturing my friend's girlfriend/abuser? (I won't be getting into graphic details) TL;DR: I (~150M) started physically torturing my friend's (~23NB) abusive girlfriend (~26F) without my friend knowing because the girlfriend feels guilty for doing a lot of bad things in her life and believes that if she gets hurt she can learn to be better. For context, my friend was manipulated into dating the girlfriend, by said girlfriend. She has the awful habit of hurting other people in general, which distresses her. I'm a sort of out-of-commission priest, but I take confessional because of some of my own baggage that isn't relevant for the moment. Thus I suggested to the girlfriend that she come confess to me. Prior to this, I've kept in contact with both the friend and the girlfriend, and it was made clear to me after a few times of talking with them that, while the friend believes the girlfriend to be the "mouse" caught by themself, the "cat", it's more that the "mouse" forced her way into the "cat's" life, akin to a pest. This intrigued me, hence my recommendation. To my delight, the girlfriend accepted. The conversation in which I recommended confessional to her and confessional itself have both taken place privately, and without the friend's knowledge. During confessional, as is expected, the girlfriend had come clean about the things that make her experience guilt. If I'm allowed to be crude, I would say that she's more of a sociopath than my friend is, which speaks volumes considering she is mortal and they are not. She regularly takes advantage of my friend is all I can say on the matter. This has not phased me, I've heard and done worse in my own youth. After confessional, I tend to give the sinners penance. The girlfriend suggested that I torture her. This obviously shocked me, but I decided to listen to her full suggestion. Basically, she feels that putting herself in that situation, where she is the subject of torture, would allow her a more "tangible" way of handling her instincts, and in this way she will be able to hold onto the pain, remember it and force herself to become a better person. I accepted. I honest to God accepted. I won't detail the things I have done to her, but something in me snapped at her suggestion and I went through with it, all without my friend's knowledge. I Embraced her, made her a non-mortal, and proceeded to use all my knowledge and all my worst tactics in her torture. This had gone for quite a while, and at some point, the "discipline" had proven effective, by her account, and the sessions had stopped. I had no trouble with doing this for her in the beginning. I am not proud of what I've done in my youth, which was infinitely worse than what I've done to this woman, but torturing her had reminded me of the things I used to do when I was younger, and it brought a sort of satisfaction to me in the beginning to be on the giving end of pain again. In time, I grew more worried. I was wondering if I was really doing the right thing, considering I promised myself I would stop hurting people unnecessarily some good decades ago. And then I began to feel guilty. I thought to myself, I'm a monster, I'm hurting her instead of helping her, this isn't OK, and all other kinds of similar thoughts. It's been a bit since she'd "graduated" from her "discipline courses", and she thanked me for my help, but I feel like I've done something unforgivable again. My old baggage resurfaced while new baggage got added to it. I feel awful, worse than devastated. I don't think I should've listened to her and done what I did, but it's too late now. I wanted to do the right thing for once, to get as far away from my past self as I could, but I've just done it again. Am I really such a monster? AITA?

[codenamesazanka]

Any thoughts on an au where Hana becomes All For Ones successor instead of Tomura? Or where they are both his successors and have a sorta Daki and Gyutaro (Demon Slayer) dynamic of villainous siblings?

I once wondered why exactly AFO didn’t pick Hana to kidnap/manipulate/groom. Like, she’s also a Shimura child - in fact she was born first, so if he had been planning for a sort of ‘Torture All Might With A Shimura Descendant (Before Then Using The Child As A Vessel For My Immortal Evil Soul?)’ all this time, he could’ve started earlier. She’s a girl, who looks even more like Nana, so the psychological torment for All Might would’ve been higher, probably.

One of the more popular theories in fandom seems to be: Shimura Tenko was born quirkless; AFO gave him the Decay quirk that would eventually bring ruin to the family and allow for AFO to swoop in as a ‘savior’. And thus it seemed like the Shimura tragedy was plotted by AFO nearly every step of the way:

1) Take one Shimura Child

2) Give them Decay

3) Wait for (or somehow induce) Accident

4) Profit

But then, if this was the plan, why not use Hana? All For One (Quirk) can take away any original quirk Hana had anyways, so Decay could still be bestowed and he can still bullshit some explanation about mutant quirks and innate urge to destroy and cultivate a ‘Symbol of Fear’. Simply put, why Tenko as the figure for his nefarious plan and not Hana?

Was it because AFO found the Shimura family too late and Hana already manifested a quirk and so it would’ve been suspicious if she suddenly changed powers? Was it because AFO didn’t actually have a specific ‘Use Shimura to Eventually Torture All Might’ plan (or had several to choose from but hasn’t decided on one yet) but when Tenko was indeed born quirkless, AFO thought that was too good an opportunity to pass up? Did Tenko have some quality that Hana didn’t and AFO focused on that? Or was it, as the responses to my question suggest, because AFO is a sexist bastard and a girl was no good (although he seemed to have been okay having girls as spares in his shady orphanage)?

It’s all kinda convoluted, these questions and what ifs. In any case, an AU where (Tenko still exists but) Hana was chosen as successor would mean, I think, that: All For One had an eye on the Shimura family for a long while before deciding to enact his plan, and he would specifically pick Hana either for a small bonus psychological torment to give All Might (super Nana look-alike) or because Hana had some quality he preferred/needed (her budding trait of sneakiness?) or a secret third thing. Which means AFO here is just a bit crueler, and his exact plot is slightly different, and also apparently he does not mind having a girl for a vessel (agender/genderfluid All For One, Go!). Fun elements to explore.

-

For some shameless self promotion tho, I actually have written an (unfinished) fanfic in which Hana survives and while she isn’t AFO’s successor, she’s nevertheless also groomed to take on a role in AFO’s evil plots, as sort of support for Tomura:

Unfortunately I am not familiar with Demon Slayer and am not sure what dynamic Daki and Gyutaro have, but I too had wanted to explore what villainous Shimura siblings would be like.

Between the different and perhaps clashing survival tactics both would develop; the potential for some unnerving AFO/OFA older sibling-younger sibling parallel; me having AFO give Hana a lying quirk (because he’s cruel with a terrible sense of humor like that); and me taking cues from this real interesting quote of Oneshot Tenko’s Hana’s

—I thought I could have a fascinating AU to play with. It’s a WIP I’m actually particularly proud of, and if you decide to read it, I hope you like it too!

[danpuff-ao3]

the obvious one: snarry!

Hiya Ashes!!!! Thank you not only for sending an ask, but for giving me an opportunity to chat more about my beloved. 😍 Very kind of you!

1.) What made you ship it?

I answered this a bit yesterday in a different ask from Liv, but basically some combination of Harry and Snape being my favorite characters, and the idea sort of clicking after I read a Drarry fic where Snape had the hots for Draco ("okay...Draco/Harry...Draco/Snape...but what about Harry/Snape????") After that I dived into the deep end of the Snarry pool and never came up for air. 🤣 They just clicked for me.

It's like...I don't know. I guess I love them both so much (and always did love them) for a reason, and the more I read the more it made sense. At first it was the taboo nature that appealed to me, not gonna lie. The age difference, the student/teacher, the love/hate, the angst. There were so many darkness and grittiness and angstiness in those earlier fics that simply sang to my soul. I was so young (11) when I discovered it, so I don't think I was rationalizing it back then, but over time it just...I saw more of their similarities and how they fit together and how they worked together. I saw all the ways they could clash and and fight and break, and mold and mend and heal. All they ways they could be each other's strength, and weakness. The ways they could make each other better, and make each other worse. The ways they could hurt each other, the ways they could fulfill each other.

Typing that all out reminded me of a song that always gave me Snarry feels:

And then I crashed into you And I went up in flames, could've been the death of me But then you breathed your breath in me And I crashed into you Like a runaway train, you will consume me But I can't walk away

"Crashed" by Daughtry

2.) What are your favorite things about the ship?

OHO WHERE DO I BEGIN????

First of all, they're soulmates. No, I am not accepting criticism at this time.

The stag and doe patronuses???? Helloooo. Meant to be.

Also: their synastry: here and here.

The "wrongness" of it between the age gap, the power imbalance, and Harry being the savior while Severus is a spy (and ex-Death Eater.) Not to mention all the complicated ties and baggage with Snape's ex best friend being Lily and his school bullies were James (the father) and Sirius (the godfather.) Imagine an AU where everyone lives...even if Severus never was a Death Eater, or Harry's professor, how much drama would ensue just from those ties alone???? SO MUCH AND I LOVE IT.

Harry's fame and Severus' infamy. How everyone will always hero-worship Harry and see him through rose-colored glasses while Severus is feared and/or hated by so many people (particularly his pupils.) The popularity/unpopularity alone would raise so many eyebrows and raise so many questions.

I love their flaws. Severus being such a snarky bastard, and Harry being a sassmaster. Severus being so temperamental and rude and strict and proud. Harry being reckless and a bit self-righteous and pretty hot-headed himself. They're both rather intense and obsessive. Even their physical flaws do things to me. Harry's wild hair and his knobby knees. Severus' hooked nose and greasy hair.

I love their virtues, too. I often wax poetic about flaws, but the good stuff is just as nice! They're both curious, and passionate, and bold. They're both intelligent in their own ways, Severus more academic and Harry with more intuitive, gut-knowledge. Severus being so skilled in the mental realm, Harry in the physical. The ways those different intelligences complement each other and balance each other. They're both magically skilled and powerful. They love both love magic. They're both a bit adventurous, Severus with his experimentation and invention, Harry with his quests and sneaking. They're both very strong, and brave. They both overcame so much hardship in life, from their younger years and onward, neither of them really catching much of a break. They both played such vital roles in the war. They were both used as tools and weapons in the war effort, seen more for their use than personal, individual value. They were both determined to help and win and do what was right. Both were willing to die for the cause (and did.) They're both loyal, devoted, determined men.

They can see themselves in each other, for better and worse. And once they break down the walls between them, those parts of them can meet and blend and work together.

Best of all...for two men who were once seen as worthless, as targets, and later valued for their usefulness, all the joy they can find in being seen for themselves, and accepted and understood and even loved for those things. And how two men who suffered so much finding love and joy and fulfillment in one another. And I love to imagine their future together, totally obsessed with each other, challenging each other, and growing together. Traveling, maybe, with Severus foraging for material and studying new things while Harry explores new places and hobbies and meets new people. Their individual goals aligning, giving them space, but also a place to meet, and all the things they can respect in one another.

3.) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Hmmm!! Nothing I have a problem with regarding Snarry, but maybe my preferences can cause issues! See, I really like the more questionable parts of their dynamic. I like the underage stuff, I like the student/teacher. I love dub-con and angst. I dig the toxic relationship vibes. I dig the love/hate. I love the fighting and the tension. I love them when they're mean. I love it dark and gritty and awful. I love the weird stuff. I have an undying devotion to "ugly" Snape. (Better explained: here.) (Sorry for all the extra suggested reading LOL.) I like other characters having negative reactions to the relationship.

For all the "issues" I need there to be love deep down, and passion. I need them to be absolutely bonkers for each other, even if they handle it badly.

I've had some of my favorite stories and depictions come under fire before but a gal likes what she likes, what can I say 🤷‍♀️

(....sorry for talking your eyeballs off 🤣 But idk what anyone can expect when getting me going about Snarry!)

ship asks

answered: Dramione, Snarry

[hypomanichippy]

Using tumblr as a space to explore my queerness without getting backlash or weird questions or challenged expectations from anyone is an interesting experience

I feel like a fraud, I feel free, I feel worried about exposure both on here for being cis and straight passing irl and irl for being almost aggressively queer online

None of it feels like a lie to me, it just feels like this is an appropriate context where I might express a different side of myself that I am afraid to really get into otherwise.

In the real world I am not just a made up name and self written bio. I am a daughter, an oldest daughter. I’m a girlfriend, I’m safe in just being what people expect me to be even when the spaces i occupy are queer friendly. And I like those roles sometimes! I enjoy taking care of my siblings, especially being an older sister to my younger sister, I like when my parents are proud of me as their daughter, I love being my boyfriends girlfriend. But given a different body, I think I would love the other potential roles too. Girlhood is so special to me, womanhood so so precious and significant. I can’t imagine parting with it.

But given the space to be queer, the knowledge that there will not be any challenged expectation, I always always always revert to a fluid expression.

And I cannot help but wonder if maybe I don’t love being a woman, so much as I love partaking in the occasional ritual of gender, and the safety of accepting a role that is expected of me.

[sylviareviar]

Curious but how did you come up with your OC? Is she her own fandomless OC you have verses for, or has she always been one in the Persona universe?

Truth be told, Sylvia is a self-insert OC. I have other verses of her, and her background is usually different in every one, to better explain her circumstances. It's just, her Persona verse is the most active one I have on Tumblr. I came up with her in middle school, when I was at my lowest point, and Sylvia became my go-to comfort character ever since, because... she helped me escape.

But the truth is, I have lots of verses for her. Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's is one (which I don't actually use on here since I don't have any 5D's moots, but I am writing a fic about it on Wattpad-- it's the kind of fic that I'm not really proud to have, but I'm too attached not to write it, so into the trash bin it goes, I guess). I also have verses like Pokemon, in which she only accumulates her trauma after going out on a Pokemon journey, or Fire Emblem, where she's a glass cannon mage tasked with defending her lord (and maybe falls a little ill because of all the magic she's got inside her).

There are others, of course, but at the moment I can't think of many, since right now I'm hyperfixated on the Persona series, but if there are any other fandoms I like that I want Sylvia to be a part of, chances are she's there, with at least a basic background that I can build on if I start focusing on it again (like My Hero Academia). Oh, but I don't actually watch popular anime like One Piece, Bleach, Death Note, or Demon Slayer. Especially not Fullmetal Alchemist; I watched it when I was younger and got traumatized by the chimera dog. It's a little bit tricky, but I mostly find myself attracted by JRPGs, which is when I start to wonder, "I wonder what it would be like for Sylvia here? What kind of background would she have? How would she interact with the characters?" Building her up from there, coming up with funny scenarios with other characters, creating mischief and angst and blending the two into a believable character... It's all a lot of fun for me.

Sylvia being a self-insert doesn't mean that I take everything personally when I RP. Instead, the way I act with her feels more like she's a "doll" or an act that I play with. If other characters have personally hurt her, that's not an attack on me, nor is it an attack on her. It is an in-character interaction, much like how two actors who act out characters on stage that fight one another doesn't mean that the actors themselves are fighting.

The way she looks and is as a character is built in ways I can relate to, and it helps me to cope with the real world and real traumas I have. In a way, Sylvia could actually be my own personal Persona-- a mask I wear to get through the real world.

Sylvia's appearance is based purely on what I would find ideal on myself, and is sorta like what I think my personality looks like if it were a person. Her background, though, is something I have fun playing around with and building with the world, and I do my best not to break the boundaries of whatever world she's in, but bend them a little bit to make her seem unique without trying to take attention away from other, more important characters.

I guess you could call Sylvia almost a "trauma response," but I prefer to think of her more as a "special interest," because through her, I can learn better how to write, how to behave myself, and simply have fun interacting with canon characters.

Also, exhibiting some of my own personal habits through her helps me identify my faults as a person, and figure out things that I need to work on versus what things may be cute or fun in an objective sense, which I could leave alone after a bit of moderation. Such as...

...m-my habit of rambling. Or my dislike of loud noises.

But not everything Sylvia does is the same as me! For example, I don't actually live on a farm like Sylvia does in both the Pokemon and Persona 5 verses. My home is actually in a suburban area. Sylvia's location also isn't exactly the same as mine, and depending on the verse, her skillset isn't the same as mine either-- the only things that remain the same are her like of drawing, singing, and writing. Sometimes it isn't possible for her to play a flute, or to play video games, or even to just ride a bike. So really, how close she is in depiction to the actual me depends on the verse, but all of it is simply to have fun.

I hope that explained Sylvia as a concept sufficiently. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable RPing with self-inserts, so I'm already very grateful for the people who are willing to RP with her, and who haven't dismissed her as cringe or disgusting. Believe me, I've tried to let her go years ago, but every time, it never worked. So I'm sort of stuck. But I think if I practice with Sylvia long enough, I could start writing other characters with their own silly nuances and overly specific habits too.

[blackberrysummerblog]

hii <3

2, 21, 23, 29 and 78 for the ask game. sorry if they're too many ^^'

Thank you so much for the ask @imagineacoolerusername! I apologize for not responding sooner, because I’m really excited someone took me up on the ask game (and it’s never too many, I love thinking more about what/how I’m writing).

2) Where do you get your fic ideas?

I’m similar to a lot of people on this one—my ideas come from things that I see or hear around me. It goes hand in hand with the first question in the ask list, which is “do you daydream a lot before you write” and I am a *huge* daydreamer. I generally do get an idea of a full story realized quickly enough that I don’t spend a lot of time dreaming before I write (haha…she says after literal months of WIP posts from the same unpublished fic, lol). I daydream constantly about my hyperfixations though, and I just let my mind wander wherever it feels like. There are stories in my head I would never actually post because they’ve become OOC and self-indulgent to a comical degree, but I get pleasure out of thinking about them and so I let my thoughts drift there when they want to. I often get some good material that way for stories that I actually do want to share with people.

For my crucible marriage AU, the idea came from a throwaway line in Carry On about Watford having possibly started as a mages’ settlement: I started thinking about an AU where that was still the case, and there would still be the school but it would start for students at a younger age than in canon. Assuming the kids mostly went home in the evenings, the crucible wouldn’t need to assign roommates, and instead could do another job like…magickally determining one’s spouse. That was the thought process, and because I am *feral* for arranged marriage/married-at-first-sight stories, the fic has been living at the front, middle, and back of my brain ever since.

21) Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I don’t have a strong preference; it just depends on what the story requires. I’ll know when I begin writing if a story is going to be long and plotty enough to require chapters; in this fandom I’ve done entirely one-shots because I’m leaning heavily on soft vibes without enough conflict to need more than one post to tell. The crucible marriage fic will definitely be chaptered, though

23) Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

It depends where it starts in my head, i.e. the part I’m trying to get to. If the idea starts off largely in middle of the story I want to tell, then I need to figure out a beginning that can segue into that. It’s usually not super hard, but then again, I mostly enjoy doing domestic-style fluff and cutesy flirting, so it’s not an enormous exercise to intro that. I’m having a harder time with the current AU’s beginning, especially since at this point I’ve dragged it all out so long that I want it to be just right. The hardest part for me is almost always the ending, by which I don’t mean how it all ends up, but the last sentence. I’m pretty weak with last lines, and the *absolute fucking worst* at titles. I think both feel like high-pressure, sum-your-precious-baby-up-in-very-few-words situations to me. I am flat out disgusted with myself for some of the titles I’ve gone with after throwing up my hands.

29) What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I like my dialogue. I think it flows pretty well and is often cute or funny. And I think I do a decent job with shoehorning my contrived plot points in. The example I’m thinking of is the field trip fic I wrote (I can’t even bring myself to namecheck the title, did I mention how bad I am at them?) where the entire story basically hinged on getting Simon to have to sit on Baz’s lap on the bus. It was easy enough to assign them as seatmates, and spilling something on the seat is a good reason for Simon to not be able to use it, but because it’s a magickal universe there really shouldn’t have been any reason they couldn’t spell the seat dry. Magic had to have been disallowed on the bus, which let me write a nice little bit about how Simon had gotten it banned on an earlier trip (and also to reflect on how few field trips he’s even been on, awwww). Anyway, I thought it was funny and just about killed myself when Baz quipped “here comes the not-so-magic-school bus” to humiliate Simon in front of the class. Pretty much everything that happened after that was just as contrived, and I thought it was hilarious.

78) What motivates you during the writing process?

It’s a compulsion for the flesh to become word. I write even the stories that I would never post because they’re too dirty or too personal or too badly conceived to share, because once they’re described in words it provides a kind of release for me.

There’s a short story by William H. Gass called “In the Heart of the Heart of the Country” and I really recommend it for achingly real and emotive lines, but the one I’m thinking of is this, said of the narrator’s neighbor: “Nevertheless, I keep wondering whether, given time, I might not someday find a figure in our language which would serve him faithfully, and furnish his poverty and loneliness richly out.”

I want that when I write, to find words that will mean something to myself and someone else, that will hold a moment or experience up in the light in such a way that it’s viewed tenderly and with generosity.

Thanks again for asking; I hope my answers weren’t too long winded! If anyone else wants to play you can reblog this post:

[euphor1a]

Camelia, aloe vera and papyrus for the ask gameee???? I really wanna knowww

Hihi sweets! Thank you for sending in 💗; i appreciate it so much! 🥺

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

whoa this is gonna get heavy, so i’m warning everyone reading this beforehand. things have changed for sure, i’d say... but it’s hard to point it out exactly. my younger self went through a whole different spectrum of human experiences. things were... nice(?) when i was a literal child, but it got gradually worse, worse and worse to the point where i moved out at the age of 17 and started living in a dorm in a different town. younger me was incredibly strong willed, hardworking and hopeful. i still find it super crazy how i got through everything i did and that i’m still here, surviving. younger me had so many big dreams and was motivated to follow through. i was also a bit naive, and i struggled a lot with determining characters, so i ended up getting even more hurt trying to maintain friendships with the wrong people and such. it’s not the same anymore with these things... my mental health has been a constant issue since mid-2019 (although, i must say that i’m doing a LOT better now — people who’ve been here for a while would know), and the world just kinda turned black & white... i think a lot of young adults feel the same though. i’m also super cautious about making connections with people now, which has been... idk, both good and bad? like sure, i’m a pretty lonely being, but at least i’m not hurting for people who don’t deserve me! also, it all just crashed down with the pandemic, y’know? it’s hard to say how much i’ve exactly changed, because i was brought up in a situation where i was forced to mature very early. and to be uncomfortably honest, i might seem a bit childish when i get comfortable around someone. guess i had suppressed my inner child too much with everything going on, and whenever a comforting/reliable presence comes along, it resurfaces 😅. anyway, i’m still very very proud of the younger aleyna. i wish i could hug her and tell her how amazing she is, how thankful i am for everything she did that led to me being here (in a relatively stable position) now, how the lessons she learnt through hardships made it easier for me to navigate through this complicated world... the list is endless. i just hope that a few years from now on, i can look back to this self (my late teenage years and early twenties) and feel just as proud for doing whatever i am doing right now ☺️

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

answered here ♡ !

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

the song which came up this time is “to you” by seventeen. i, genuinely am, in love with this song. have been that way since it was released in 2021. see, i got into kpop back in 2019 through bts and twice (good times)! and it took me a lot of time to actually branch out from that starting point — txt playing a big role in it because i was obsessed with run away when it came out (still my fav title track by them). i came to know about seventeen on 2020 when left & right came out, and i loved it! but i didn’t exactly go straight to “stanning”, i just added them on spotify and just vibed along whenever it came up. after that it’s mostly a blur with svt for several reasons. until attacca came out on late 2021, i saw the rock with you mv, and was like: HOLD THE FUCK UP I NEED TO GET INTO THIS SHIT IMMEDIATELY?! i remember doing everything i possibly could (following their socials and stuff, adding all their albums to my spotify library, etc.)... believe me or not, it took me almost 7 months to catch up with all the content i wanted to check out. and well, the rest, i’m sure you can see/guess. about “to you” specifically though, my first impression was — “is it legal for a song to be this good?! did they put drugs in it or something 😭?” and it’s still the same. “to you” is a work of art, one that made me feel emotions i thought i’m not capable/eligible of feeling. i love attacca the mini album so much, from the top to bottom. what a gem!

— random get to know me asks 💌

[thechasmsurveys]

4.

What is your nickname? Franny, BMoney, babe, kid, bandit. I have a lot lol.

When is your birthday? June 25th.

What was your longest relationship? The one I’m in now with my husband. We’ve been together for 6 years and married for 4.

What is your favorite book? That’s so hard because I have a ton of books I absolutely love. I don’t think I have just one favorite. I loved The Silent Patient, Midnight Sun, Pride and Prejudice, One True Loves, Fourth Wing, etc. There’s too many to name.

What is something you're insecure about? My body for sure. The entire thing lolllllll.

5 Male celebrity crushes N/A.

5 Female celebrity crushes N/A

What is your dream job? I think I’m doing it, which is crazy to say.

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment? This is going to sound so weird. Quitting my masters for my mental health. Being the first one in my family to go to therapy and get on antidepressants and be the leader and push my family needed to start understanding that mental health is not optional. Now, my parents both still need therapy, but I’m proud of myself for knowing I needed a break and stopping instead of killing myself.

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe? Uhm, I really don’t know.

What were your highs and lows for this last month? The month just started so I’ll say the highs and lows for December. The highs were spending time with Colton. The lows would be the marital issues (I really don’t want to talk about it on here) from earlier in the month. That was so hard.

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit? Greece would be nice. Montana.

How do you de-stress? Read, take a long shower.

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr? Monopoly Go lollllll. Bookstagram.

Describe yourself in one sentence. I am tenacious.

What do you think makes you attractive? My drive and my compassion towards others.

What is something you're really good at? Crying lol. Yayyyyyy depression.

What is something you're really bad at? Expressing my emotions.

A time that you told a lie. Oh, I don’t know.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know? I’m too tired for this survey rn. I should have stopped earlier.

Who knows you the best? Colton.

What is your most prized possession? My engagement ring, my kindle.

What is your longest friendship? Lauren and I have been friends since she was born basically lol. And she’s two years younger than me.

When did you first feel like an adult? When I moved out at 18.

Do you/ Have you played any sports? Nooooo, no sports.

How are you feeling right now? Exhausted.

Are you an early bird or a night owl? I’m a night owl for sure.

Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

Favorite song lyrics right now? I don’t really have any.

What does self care look like for you? Reading, taking a long shower.

Describe yourself with 3 singers. ??

What makes you nervous? Life, honestly.

What’s a pet peeve you have? When people go to a restaurant and don’t eat.

What will always make you cry? Pride and Prejudice.

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people? Shy and quiet.