#and basically made her whole sense of self-worth dependent on that

[stickystarspectrumtroll-ocs]

Thinking about what existing fictional characters your OCs would relate to and identify with the most is really something.

My girl Allets really be out here with a kin list that includes

Adora from She-ra and the Princesses of Power,

Nimona from Nimona,

Adrien Agreste from Miraculous Ladybug, AND

Henry Jekyll from The Glass Scientists.

I love her so much.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

In all of this Ragnorak discourse I'm suprised no one (unless I totally missed it which is possible) has brought up the implications that Hela's existance makes on the relationship between Odin and Loki. Like, even in the movie they acknowledge that Hela and Loki have an UNCANNY resemblance to eachother and that cannot be a coincidence. Their color schemes, outfits, even mannerisms are like eachother.

My sister and I were completely horrified in the theater and we both thought it was super obvious that Odin that basically groomed Loki to be like Hela. Odin had put Hela underground when she became too much to handle and STOLE A BABY to make a new, male version of his 'beloved' daughter that would be easier to control. It's whole new levels of fucked up.

Yet it's never addressed. Odin goes 'lol bye' and gets an undeserved peaceful death right in the beginning so he never has to answer for how he messed up his kids (don't even get me started on the colonialism stuff hoooooo boy). No one else talks about it either, in universe, the writers, reviewers, or the fandom. It drives me bonkers because THATS CRAZY FUCKED UP WHAT THEY PUT IN THERE and I think they are too stupid to realize what they did. ~ 🐍 Anon

It is fucked up.

Hela has a line in the movie when she's talking to Thor and she says "Odin and I drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears [...] and then one day he decided to become a benevolent king, to foster peace, to protect life. To have you", and besides the fact that I hate how she calls him "benevolent", it comes to prove that Odin only ever saw his children as a means to an end.

He had Hela and he loved her for as long as she was useful to him. The moment he decided to change her existence became a problem, and since she was the result of her upbringing and a problem of his own making, he banished her then made everyone forget about her.

So he had Thor, raised him as a golden child and attached his self-esteem to his father's approval. The moment Thor proves to be the end result of his upbringing, just like Hela, Odin banishes him out of Asgard and makes it seem Thor behaving that way is his mistake as if he hadn't raised him to be exactly like that.

And when he took Loki he did so for a purpose as well: to raise him on Asgard, indoctrinate him with the same lies he would tell any other Asgardian, and wait until the moment was opportune to send his ass back to Jotunheim whether he liked it or not.

But all this for some reason goes unaddressed especially in the last movie where he gets to die surrounded by his two sons who love him oh so much. No responsibility and no accountability whatsoever because he says "I failed you", one line that doesn't go into specifics and is just there to incite sympathy for him. And where's the sympathy for Thor, a kid raised to believe his worth depended entirely on his father and who spent most of his life dying for his approval? Or the sympathy for Loki, mistreated and convinced that he had no worth whatsoever because his father saw no use of him?

Not to mention how everything Asgard ever did wrong is blamed on Hela: she was too ambitious, she didn't fall into line, she should have followed orders (but at the same time she was evil for having followed orders for so long? make it make sense!).

I don't know if I'd say he groomed Loki to be like her, I honestly think they just wanted to use her as a mirror of sorts so they gave her his colours, but Odin definitely thought of his children as tools he could use and it's insane that it's never discussed in the movies.

[sepublic]

Luz understands Lilith

           “Oh… my GOSH,”

           Obviously Luz is pretty shocked at Lilith’s progress in a good way, but I also have to wonder if she’s also taken aback by Lilith’s reverential manner towards her?

           Like, two weeks ago this was someone who looked down upon her as a human ‘pet’, almost killed her, treated Luz like garbage beneath her, was terrifyingly so much powerful… And yet now, Luz is getting to see this actual side of Lilith, a Lilith that’s operating in a happy, comfortable environment and isn’t rigid to the façade placed by the Emperor’s Coven;

           And like… It’s kind of a little unnerving? A bit adorable, but also a bit unnerving, how Lilith is clearly latching onto Luz as a positive authority figure and source of validation. How quickly she’ll change everything and use Luz, who she once looked down upon, for that kind of guidance, because Lilith literally knows nothing else.

           I think it’s sinking in to Luz just how, well… Stunted Lilith is. Just how damaged she’d been on a developmental level, emotionally and mentally scarred and traumatized, that she’s basically regressing- Assuming this isn’t just how Lilith always was, and I can honestly see it that way.

           Luz is realizing just how messed up Lilith is, and I think it causes her to feel a bit more understanding and sympathetic towards her now… Obviously it doesn’t make up for the curse nor trying to skewer Luz, but now Luz can see how easy it is for someone like Belos to take advantage of Lilith, brainwash and coerce and threaten her into doing things for him. And Belos no doubt knowingly contributed to a lot of Lilith’s issues and dependency as well!

           I think this better understanding of what Lilith is ACTUALLY like, how she really is just damaged and lonely and in need of actual validation and unconditional love… It’s giving Luz a newfound appreciation for Lilith and for what she went through, and why she did all that beyond some sort of cruel, petty spite. I think Luz is beginning to see Lilith’s side of the story this way, and it’s helping her understand how to handle Lily and her issues from here on out, and feel a little more forgiving.

           It’s honestly a really cute and sad moment, but I think it opened Luz’s eyes quite a bit, to see the kind of person Lilith ACTUALLY is, not necessarily some spiteful monster or whatever. It might remind Luz of herself or even Amity, Amity especially because that girl is clearly on her mind, and Lilith DID mentor Amity… So if Luz understands Amity, she might understand Lilith better, and be able to better sympathize and realize how to help Lilith, and where things went wrong for her, how she made those mistakes, and so forth.

           And, I think that understanding is only going to increase when Gwendolyn visits… Assuming Luz is around when this happens. But yeah, I think Luz is beginning to genuinely feel sorry and sad for Lilith here, and it might influence her treatment and how she handles Lily from here on out- Obviously Luz would always be happy to hand out gold stars, but seriously, with how Lilith so eagerly lays herself out as a doormat to anyone who can show her kindness and make her feel good, that obviously doesn’t bode well for her, and makes it clear to Luz that she really was manipulated in so many ways.

          Lilith was always looking for guidance and was starved of that as a kid, never given the chance to really grow as a person, and Belos definitely sought to prevent Lilith from developing any sense of independency and self-worth. I think it’s really sinking in for Luz that this woman was abused for the vast majority of her life, if not ALL of it, because again, Gwendolyn. 

          And she’s now reaching an epiphany that will better help her approach Lilith with nuance as not this cruel, spiteful bully necessarily, but at the very least, quite a bit more than that, all of it stemming from a damaged core that doesn’t deserve this.

          Which, Luz was able to connect with Amity when she saw the person she really was inside, Luz is naturally compassionate… So I have hopes for Lilith here, especially with Hooty helping as well! With how easy this lady cracks, I think Luz can really relate to a whole new degree, and that’s such a quiet, succinct way of showing the compassionate understanding between the two develop, as Luz recognizes the common ‘humanity’ (for lack of a better phase) they have in common.

          It’s just a subtle yet major Aha moment for Luz, to pile onto all of her other thoughts with Amity that day as well. This was no doubt a VERY exhausting episode, both physically, as well as mentally and emotionally for Luz, with plenty of complicated feelings, about Lilith and especially Amity. 

          I think Lilith is still going to pick herself back up based on what we see in Echoes of the Past, but these brief glimpses where she kind of lets herself go are no doubt insightful to Luz. Again, just a very quiet yet meaningful and succinct way of having Luz realize who Lilith really is, very cleverly and efficiently done, a moment that shows Luz everything she needs to know and figure out from there. 

          Just the very weight and meaning behind Lilith’s sudden shift of authority figure, her need for validation and respect, the genuine work she puts in, but also her clear passion and effort- It really is very impactful, a single sentence worth an entire book in my opinion. Luz doesn’t necessarily need Eda or Lilith to spell out all of the abuse and trauma and history, just this brief interaction tells her everything, and I think that’s kind of brilliant. 

          Lilith bared her soul to Luz, and that alone already says a lot, but the fact that she chooses to do this with Luz of all people, when not too long ago she looked down on her from a petty sense of elitist pride, because Lilith genuinely needs to feel good and at times better than others… That, too, says a lot. Lilith happily handed over all of her trust and everything to Luz, invested it all and forfeited her sense of self to this other person to decide for her, like of course she’s supposed to devote all of that at the drop of a hat!

           And Luz’s reaction low-key amounts to; “Welp- THIS explains quite a bit!” Such an understated, easy-to-miss, yet SO to-the-point scene that effortlessly lays the groundwork for everything that Lilith and Luz need to work things out, just like that. It leaves open so much space and time for everything else, and I appreciate that a lot.

[girlyliondragon]

Lizbert and Eggabell’s codependency isn’t talked about all that much if at all I just noticed.

Which is odd because the game’s not... exactly subtle about it sometimes. Granted, I never noticed the signs either at first, I don't have experience with recognizing such a thing, but when I was driven to look up how codependency works with relationship things I noticed a few things that do sorta fit.

Funny enough, you get the first(?) hint of it from Beffica of all characters story-wise. At the near end of her interview, when you poke her about Liz’s weakness, she says it’s Eggabell, but not because of a simple “Oh she’s her girlfriend/wife and that automatically is a soft spot for her ;DDD” kind of thing. Rather, we get this:

“Liz would go to the end of the world and back to make her happy. And if I've learned anything in life, it's that you can't let your happiness depend on somebody else.”

Here she speaks blatantly on how Liz will do practically anything to make Eggabell happy, and that her own happiness is practically dependent on her partner’s. Lizbert would no doubt give the world to Egg if she could, to a detriment most likely with that in mind.

The second instance is in the second video diary. When Egg is down and believing that Liz would be fine without her, Liz brings up that she was there at her lowest moment and on her worst days after the Grumplantis scandal, she was basically Liz’s own emotional support. It probably took a big hit on her ego, maybe she has self-worth issues of her own thanks to that (It was likely what made her infamous after all) and she did that Snacktooth expedition to prove herself to everyone that she’s not a massive screwup. Deep seated need for approval from others, and focusing your self-worth on what others think of you is one of those factors and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s showing with that. Granted, we know how that whole fiasco went down, whiiiiiich probably didn’t help matters much... especially considering popular canon-compliant headcanon means that Egg ends up being Liz’s biggest support system at her worst again. Quite a pattern there of dependency, which is interesting as Liz is the one character that tries to be as independent to the point it’s also detrimental.

And ofc, there's the Floofty thing which is another big one that really shows it in play. But not because of any cheating assumptions  which frankly I find that a little much to believe much less assume, rather Liz thought Eggabell didn't need her anymore because she's spending time with Floofty a lot, and she was upset about that (I mean, why else would she be, right?). I think it's because folks don't notice that it's codependency it's too easy to assume that scene is her assuming Egg's cheating, but we know that that is super unlikely since they're both really dependent on each other and have been together for a very long time for certain. I think people take the “if you don’t need me anymore, go be with Floofty” line she ends on too... on the nose if you ask me. Like did people really think that Liz thought that Eggabell was gonna go be WITH Floofty like that after that, and not try to pry a deeper meaning out of that? They’re just gonna take the sentence at face value? Not psychoanalyze it as they do with everyone else since the thing with this game is things being much deeper than they seem to be at face value? Really now.

The idea of Egg running off with someone else behind Lizbert’s back really doesn’t work since they’re really happy together excluding that instance, even if that WAS what Liz wanted to believe but again I digress, whereas Lizbert having a problem with not feeling needed anymore, and Eggabell being affected by the fact that Liz is upset by that it’s not involving her when she finally has a sense of purpose somewhere that doesn’t involve her, it’s pretty cut and dry. When you get down to it of COURSE she’s upset about that. She thinks that Floofty is the one making Eggabell happy now, not Liz herself, who as stated by Beff would do anything to please her and centers her happiness on making Egg happy when she’s able to, and when a wrench is thrown in that and goes out of her control it bothers the hell out of her. Is it right of her to react that way? No, but that’s kinda the point. And yeah we know that Liz’s mindset on Bugsnax and by extension Floofty at that point was affected by Shelda but like is that really all there is going on there? 🤔

Of course, Eggabell isn’t free from it either. She is reliant on Lizbert for validation and emotional support as well, and again in that film we see that she feels useless when she isn’t needed. We know Egg has depression as seen in that second film sure but it seems more nuanced than that. Why is she focusing her own self-worth on helping others so much and feeling useless otherwise? To the point a messup (I doubt any on Snacktooth thought less of her for being so overwhelmed at the scenario she described there) or seeing others going about their day without needing her aid will put her so down under? Even with the fact that she’s a doctor, even with the fact that every day is one of “those” days for her, it goes deeper than what we might easily assume. They BOTH want to feel needed somewhere and it affects the both of them and their relationship on Snacktooth for a bit, which is more than likely influenced by said Bugsnax as we know how those critters work on a grumpuses mind.

I've been looking up stuff about codependency since learning it's a factor with these two and a lot of the stuff I see on it is it can lead to unhealthy relationships. But frankly LizEgg are good together despite everything it's just... there more to them that we’d see if we dig a little into their relationship with each other. They both want to be needed by someone, and feel some sort of worthlessness if they aren’t, and when they can’t get that it starts to affect them emotionally. I’m no expert on codependent relationships, much less can I recognize when I or others are in one (I have a hunch for myself but alas) but others pointing it out to me has made me wanna dig into certain things with LizEgg more.

I’m probably looking too deep into it like I always do with these muppets, but basically these two girls have a relationship that’s more complex than it seems on the surface and I love them very much.

[miraculous-clowncar]

but if marinette and adrien were to get together, with these flaws, don't you think it would be toxic?

(sorry for the late response I really wanted to put some thought into this)

Yes, of course it would be toxic. That's why they aren't together yet. This season is the angst season because it's diving into the psyches of the characters. The characters are being put in situations that reveal the deepest parts of themselves, including their flaws, to the audience. The characters have to be able to overcome these challenges before the overarching plot can move on.

Character development gives us a reason to become invested in a character. That's why most of us started watching miraculous in the first place. It wasn't because lovesquare was together, but because there was potential for them to get together. The whole appeal of the show is the process that eventually brings them together.

Truth and Lies clearly demonstrated why it's not a good idea for Marinette or Adrien to be in a relationship right now (if you want my deep-dive into this, you can read it here). Marinette needs to confront her self-sabotaging behaviour and work through her trust issues (which, honestly, are totally valid as the safety of others depend on it) so that she can open up to others, while Adrien needs to let go of his fantasy of Ladybug and make some space to unpack all of the shit going on in his life. He needs to learn how to get a grip on his life and make it his own. This includes asserting himself to his father; as made clear in Chat Blanc, Gabriel wouldn't approve of Adrien being in a relationship with Marinette because he would find it harmful to his brand. That's basically what led to Chat Blanc in the first place, which Marinette is actively trying to prevent.

With the way things stand right now, it doesn't make narrative sense for Adrinette to get together anyway. For endgame Adrinette to be well-executed, there needs to be a proper buildup to it. That's why the creators are milking the delay to the identity reveals. There needs to be a series of challenges and waiting that will eventually make the audience's investment in the show worth it. When Adrinette finally ends up together, we want it to be worth all of the heartache, conflict, and bs. Otherwise, one of the most anticipated canon ships of the entire show will fall flat and the audience will be left unsatisfied.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Since we are all talking about hurting OC lol... Guess I said I was gonna talk more in length about OC before the next part comes out, right...

I have so many thoughts on her that it's hard to know where to start. But there is one thing I think is important to keep in mind when trying to understand her:

(the following topic can be a little heavy or triggering for some. talks of trauma and abuse)

It may sound very cliché, and it's definitely an overused saying, but there is some truth in "hurt people hurt people". The hurt that one feels can very easily turn into aggression - some people direct this aggression towards themselves (self-deprecation, self-harm, etc.) and some people direct this aggression towards others. When I say aggression it does not necessarily mean physical violence, there are many other ways one can hurt themselves or others.

Sadly, some estimatives contemplate that circa 1/3 of abuse victims end up becoming abusers themselves - from experience I think this number sounds a bit too high but not far off and that's devastating because that means a lot of abuse victims are not handled enough opportunity or incentive to heal from their trauma and end up replicating a pattern of dysfunctional behavior like the one they were submitted to.

It's important to note however, that even if understanding this reality can explain why some people become toxic or abusive, that does not and should not be used as an excuse to justify that type of behavior. It explains, but don't justify.

Shure we can be more lenient in fiction and like some toxic characters (just characters, not real people please), but we shouldn't do it blindly - it's best to be aware of exactly what we like about then and recognize the bad in then for what it is. (ex: I am definitely rooting for beomgyu in this story, but I do so while being very well aware that there's a lot wrong with him and I would never allow someone like that around me in real life. Does that stop me from simping for fictional gyu? No... and that's exactly my point.)

(end of the most serious part, but I will still talk about oc experiences in life so sad stuff ahead too)

Now let's talk directly about OC...

When we first met oc in the story, one of the first things that we were told about her is that she had relatively low self-esteem and saw herself as less than those around her. She correlated her self-worth to others idea of her - and since most around her seemed, in her eyes, to look down on her she didn't think much of herself. Ad that to the fact that she was separated from her family, at her own family's wish, and thrown into that environment at a really young age.

From there we can also mention her, clear as day, abandonment issues. Her parents gave her away and, not only that, but also made her believe that the family success or ruin depended on her - which is a huge weight to put on a child's back - so she was basically alone, in a place where nearly everyone looked down on her, having this great sense of responsibility towards her family and totally believing that she was failing horribly at that. Then comes the latter aggravant that she ends up finding out that they literally sold her to royal family for a bit of money - their love for comfort was bigger than their love for her.

The closest to a home she ever had growing up was the court. And yet her whole time there she felt like the most insignificant of the bunch. Just to then later find out that not only the other ladies look down on her, but the king straight up hates her... and that the man she loves, not only is marrying someone else, but he also literaly bought her. He is not her boyfriend, he is her owner. She is not family, she is property. But she has no one else, really - maybe we can count wonyoung, but every time wonyoung acts in oc's favor it's clear that she does so mostly because it also align with her brother interests.

For a long time, even before they became romantically involved, Beomgyu was the only one who showed her any sympathy and affection - in the begging there was probably some level of identification at play here, cause as the middle child he probably felt overlooked and useless sometimes too. So they basked in each other's care and attention to few special in some way. They became dependent of each others affection, investing all of their self-work in how much love they were willing to give each other - that is some scary level of emotional codependency. She feels like she needs to relieve that level of devotion to feel like she matters (he too, but let's focus on her here).

But then he betrays her. First he marries someone else - officially, again she is not number one, not even for him. Even if he says she is, that is not what everyone else sees, and we already talked about how others views of her affect her beliefs about herself. And then he s.a her... he forcefully takes away from her the only thing she had that she considered of value for anyone else - her chastity. Now she is nothing, she thinks. Now no one would want her, she believes.

Then comes Taehyun. Someone that is not beomgyu sees something in her? Someone likes her? Someone values her enough to be willing to put effort into getting to her? No wonder she fell for him almost at first sight. And now that Beomgyu has harmed her too, she sees Taehyun as her only possible ticket to any happiness and fulfillment in life. So she goes. Despite how hard it is to live back your only source of emotional comfort, despite the fact that she barely knew this new man... she took the bet and went for it.

Except... she only knew beomgyu. She only knew beomgyu’s love language, and she craves feeling loved, she craves the reassurance and the confort. The new reality is scary and disorienting, and she starts doubting her choices and questioning her life. Everything is too different from what she knew, and from her pov she is once again alone in this new reality, once again in a place she doesn't think feels right calling home. The contrast between her previous life experiences, her expectations of the world, and her new-found reality... leave her and her naivety completely blind to a lot of what sorrownds her, including the love her new partner offers her.

Oc feels powerless and lost. She partially still believes that no one loves her, that no one cares for her. And it's at this point that she starts taking a "if I hurt you first, than you can't hurt me" attitude, and the more times passes the more that attitude amplifies in her behavior towards Taehyun. She weaponises her words to hit him where it hurts - and it's an exercise of power, it's a way to feel in control of something and a way to know that she still has some effect on him (even if it's bad).

That is very visible in the smut scene: she has little experience and the last time she had been intimate with someone it was against her will, she was seriously hurt, so this time she tried to impose herself and take control of the situation, but in the process she ended up hurting him - not on the same level as what she suffered before, but she did. And she keeps hurting him. Because, blind to his displays of affection, she feels ignored and not loved enough. In a way it kinda reminds me of how some tween boys tend to bully the girl they like in class because they think it's the only way they can get the girls attention - except that in oc's case, the damage she leaves behind with those actions is much bigger.

And that is another thing - oc is used to being a passive part of everyone else's lifes. She hardly ever thinks about how her actions may effect the lifes of other people, because for a long she didn’t have to - and only realizes the impact they have after it's already done. She went from feeling completely insignificant, to feeling overprotected, to feeling completely ignored... and on the meantime she stayed very closed of in her own world, without much perspective of the bigger picture or of responsability/consequence in general. She is selfish and inconsequent but also naive and insecure, and I wouldn't expect anything else from someone with her background.

I think that is all I have to say. I will abstain of trying to predict her next steps cause I think not even she herself fully came to turns with what she really wants yet.

~♡anon

THERAPIZED!

no but fr this is a really good character breakdown (as if there was any doubt about it coming from you) and ahhh this really feels like a bookclub now I'm so proud 🥺

i certainly agree with your point about how abuse victims can become abusers themselves but that that doesn't justify their actions but merely explains it. i come across this a lot watching true crime content in that the killers usually have experienced some form of extreme abuse as children and it explains their actions later on but certainly doesn't excuse it. and yes obviously fictional characters can be loved despite such flaws because they haven't actually hurt anyone irl so we make allowances for them. this is why i try very carefully to express that even though i support gyu in yamqn, that doesn't mean that i would ever support someone like him irl. i like him as a character, not as a person.

i want to expand on your point about her abandonment issues as it features quite prominently in the fic without me even realizing (which just goes to show how we as writers may show more of ourselves in our work than we think we do and how sharp readers like you can pick up on it). oc is quite attached to gyu because of this. he never abandoned her, never ever, and she holds onto him just as fiercely because she has severe abandonment issues. she is afraid to let go of him and fall into taehyun completely because she doesn't trust that he won't leave her if she doesn't live up to his expectations of her. this showed in oc when she said that she doesn't want gyu to move on even though she is already with someone else because to her that would mean that he abandoned her too, and that more than anything, would crush her already severely low self esteem.

related to this somewhat is the issue of gyu owning her. she obviously hates it because it is demeaning and i explored that a lot in the fic but on some level i also think she likes it. she belongs somewhere, even if it is to another person, and in that lies some worth to her. he paid a lot to have her so he won't just discard her. she's his little jewel, his prized possession.

so when taehyun comes and gives her what she thinks she wants, it still isn't the same because he's not obsessed with her like gyu is. he doesn't give her the sense of security that beomgyu does. he tells her she can leave is she wants. she's her own person but does she really want that? does she know what to do with that? to a normal healthy person that would show respect but to her it shows that he doesn't value her.

this again ties in with your point about the smut scene. because of gyu she feels like a lot of her worth comes from her body and that was proven to her when gyu took her against her will. and even though that hurt, he told her it's because he loves her so much. so for tyun to again tell her she doesn't have to do something she doesn't want to, it doesn't translate as respect to her, and certainly not that he's nervous and insecure himself. she only sees it as him not wanting her. this is one of the only things she's good for, in her view, and he doesn't want it? she'll show him that she's desirable

"She hardly ever thinks about how her actions may effect the lifes of other people, because for a long she didn’t have to" this is such a good point. she can't think of how her actions affect tyun because she is used to being of so little significance that she couldn't possinly hurt anyone her whole life. how could SHE hurt HIM?

but i feel like all of this is unconscious to her. the phrase "hurt people hurt people" suits taehyun even more imo. he just does it so frequently. oc may do it without realizing but tyun does it fully knowing what he's doing.

[justlookingvm]

Tessa Virtue’s leap from Figure Skating Olympic Champion to Executive MBA | Kneading Dough Canada

https://youtu.be/JAAkEDRFJ1A

Host: Vinay Virmani

T: If you’re going to build something, you need options in your life. I’ll say this especially as females, it’s important to be independent. To feel like you can be self-reliant and to take care of yourself.

[Intro presented by Tangerine]

V: Tessa, welcome to Kneading Dough Canada.

T: Thank you so much for having me.

V: It’s a pleasure. Kneading Dough Canada is a financial empowerment platform as you know, where we talk money, we talk mindset, we talk about financial lessons that you’ve learned along the way to hopefully inspire the next generation.

T: Well I’m so grateful to be on, I really appreciate it. I think it’s always refreshing to hopefully lend that female lens but also maybe that perspective from the amateur sport world too.

V: Yeah, you know Tessa you’ve accomplished so much, both in your personal and in your professional life. As an athlete you have achieved so many incredible honours, you’ve represented us, this country of Canada at the highest of international levels, but what I’m really excited about is you’re about to add another accomplishment in the form of three very special letters, MBA behind your name. Talk to me about that decision.

T: It’s been you know lingering in my mind for a long time. Education was always a priority in my household growing up in my family, and I thought about law school for quite some time and then I retired at 28 or 29 and thought maybe that’s too long (giggle) and realized also I wanted to flex a bit of a creative muscle. So this MBA program has been a dream of mine for quite some time. I want to be a student again in every sense of the word and I’m eager to learn the ins and outs of the business realm and that corporate sphere that I’ve had a unique perspective of, you know for 10 15 years, but if I’m going to take on a new role whatever that may be then I really want to feel like I’ve adopted that rookie mindset once again, and earned my stripes, I’ve gotten the credibility to to deserve a place there.

V: I want to take it to the world of figure skating though, because the world of figure skating is so glamorous as a sport. You know

T: I wasn’t sure where that sentence was going to land. It could have gone so many directions.

V: I I’m so like fascinated by the world of figure skating because the glamour, the imagination, the costumes, the drama, the whole production value. It looks so beautiful and elegant, but behind it there’s also rigorous routine, training and it’s not cheap.

T: Uh huh

V: So growing up, dd you have those conversations with your family and did you understand the investment that it was taking to sort of put you through the highest levels of figure skating.

T: The 2 things that my parents were always wiling to invest in or prioritize were education and sport. And it was important to them that we were exposed to as much as we could be. I’m the youngest of four. You know I’m of two minds because on one hand I do believe they tried to shield me from the burden of that sacrifice, that they made for all kids and for you know all of these adventures. But I was also keenly aware of it. I knew the the toll and I knew the cost and um you know I felt that responsibility…

V: Was there anything that you remember early on where there was an incident or a moment where you were like, I recognize like you talked about the toll.

T: My parents were so conscious to ensure that I wasn’t carrying that weight, and yet I moved away from home  when I was 13 and I was kind of budgeting at that age for groceries and 7-eleven runs (laughs), whatever it is that a 13 year old needs. Taking taxis everywhere and I made a decision when I was 15 um to be able to do it on my own. My mom was always quick to say you know you have to look after yourself and you always have to make your own way and she was all about sort of creating that sense of security and freedom, so that I had options.

To be honest I had a tumultuous relationship with my father when I was a teen and I think it was just a decision, at that point. I didn’t feel right.

V: Yeah

T: I didn’t feel right accepting that kind of support anymore um and maybe it was a bit of pride you know, not wanting to

V: You don’t want to be dependent on anybody.

T: Totally. Yeah, and that’s not to say that I’m not aware of the privilege that I had growing up to have those opportunities. It was just a real marker of OK, if this is the path I’m choosing, um and I really need to make sure that I can I can do it on my own or in a way that really isn’t such a burden.

V: You know talking to you today has reinforced independence. You know being independent, not being dependent and and just being self-sufficient. And how gratifying that is, you know I think a lot of people, especially as you said, I hope a lot of young women watch this show and and really listen to your advice. And the fact that you took that decision at such an early age.

T: You know it’s interesting I found old journals not too long ago, and there was a page in one and I don’t know, judging by my handwriting I might have been 12? 11 or 12? And I had written my goals and that were, you know the to win the Olympics, be on Oprah, which I’ll settle for uninterrupted and Kneading Dough, uh buy a cottage, like buy a family cottage

V: Right

T: And at 12 that was on my mind and the feeling of walking into this cottage that my mom and I were able to dream of and then buy together, is so visceral and it’s it’s so much about, like I think back to being young and maybe not having, especially for her like that sense of security and and just really feeling like that can be a safe place now. Um so again it’s more of the representation of that.

V: I’ve heard you say something that has really resonated with me always because it’s something that I believe in. That the highs are so much better when you’ve experienced the lows. And obviously Scott Moir and yourself accomplished so many great things together. Something that I always try to tell the younger generation is, sometimes you have to just sit back celebrate your failures.

T: Well we learned to embrace it by making it part of our process, in that, not only did we anticipate failure and expect it and embrace it, well, we practiced it. So we learned to fall on demand, get back up, refocus, and

V: OK

T: be back into our program still trying to amalgamate as many points as possible.

V: You know I remember once um I must have been in grade school and I and I failed a few subjects. I was never a good student.

T: OK

V: And you know we didn’t have a lot of money at the time and I remember my my dad, I was really afraid to tell him that you know I’ve failed these courses and blah blah blah, but he said to the family, he said, alright everybody get ready we’re going for dinner. And we went to this restaurant that was only saved for like birthdays or anniversaries. And so we get there and he’s ordering all these great things on the menu and I’m like “dad, I don’t think you heard me like I failed, like I failed and here you are taking it t the restaurant.” And I remember he looked at me and he said “You know I want you to celebrate this failure. I want you to take it in because if you’re winning all the time, you’re not going to learn anything.”

T: Wow, and obviously that stayed with you

V: Oh yeah, you’re always going to learn so much more from the losses.

This next set of questions is called the two cents round, so you can’t overthink these things.

Tessa, we all know about your discipline but what do you splurge on?

T: Clothes

V: Clothes, OK, all right. What part of your budget are you working on lowering?

T: Clothes (big laugh). Actually not really because I will say, it’s more what it represents like part of that is like my I love it and it’s become also intertwined with my career and my brand if you will. Um

V: Its an investment in yourself.

T: I think so, that’s how I twist it

V: So, what is us the best financial decision you’ve made so far?

T: Hire the right people

V: Building the right team around you.

T: Yeah absolutely.

V: Describe your financial persona in just one word.

T: I want to say careful?

V: Careful.

T: Careful in that I’m strategic

V: I like that, OK

T: But I’m willing to have some fun.

V: OK, all right. Tessa if you could run any business, what would it be?

T:  My own.

V: Your own. OK. All right I’m not going to push you more. [Tessa laughs]. They say patience is a virtue, how long did your first paycheck last?

T: I mean I spent my whole career basically operating at a deficit, so everything went back into training. I worked towards certain things and the you know I was really fortunate to get some funding and bursary grants, and then eventually sponsors and um was able to build this little nest egg, but mostly  it went right back into training.

V: Tessa, this year we’ve been having such important and meaningful conversations about women in sport. And you know of course there’s such a long way to go for those conversations really to achieve equality, but as somebody who’s such a big advocate for women’s empowerment in sport, how do you feel that you want to lend your voice to those conversations?

T: I think, currently the biggest impact I feel I can have is really connecting with those young female athletes at that precipice of maybe dropping out um for all the heart breaking reasons that we’re learning about through research. Whether that is you know body image, or lack of self-confidence, lack of self-worth, it’s just not good enough. Like the access to resources, there are opportunities, um I think those conversations are really important and that’s where I’ve been feeling most fulfilled, when I’m able to connect with those athletes and you know I’ve been able to benefit from all of the lessons and the opportunities that sport has lended it uh to my life. And I just so want that for other female athletes. And you know we’re seeing that there are more mentors, more representation, more access to viewing these formidable female athletes, and I hope that resonates.

V: Tessa, we’ve uh had the opportunity to work on a few branded campaigns together. There’s this Tessa grace, and there’s this element of everything being held to a certain standard. In everything that you do, especially things that are public facing. Talk to me a bit about that.

T: I hate the word brand but I’m going to say it, my brand has been

V: I mean you definitely have a very strong brand

T: Well it’s been built on the very foundation of me and my personality and if those values aren’t upheld in every sense of you know the word, then I’m I’m not useful to anyone. Then I’m then no brand would want to hire me, um because it if it gets diluted, then I then I just think um it’s losing the very essence of what resonates with people. And I’m really careful about that like I only partner and pair with brands that I would authentically stand behind and feel really good about promoting.  

V: I love that

T: And I’m conscious of where I lend my voice and my likeness, a very clear mission statement, and you know I love to be hands on but that’s where like the creative fulfilment comes in

V: Right

T: And honestly that’s where the most successful engagement also comes. If I’m involved and it’s a collaborative process, um it’s much more successful for the brand too.

V: You know, over this past year, there’s been such a strong connection to mental health and financial wellness. Many Canadians have a very high debt to income ratio, which can be very stressful. For you, how do you protect not only your mental health, but when it comes to financial wellness. How do you really protect your sanity?

T: As an amateur athlete I grappled with that um day after day. I think it’s important to find purpose in saving and planning. So, you know my mom started those conversations with me when I was young but that was all to sort of plant the seed of like you need to plan for this. And if you’re going to build something you need options in your life. For me you know it’s helped having a corporation for example, because a lot of my money is tied up there and it it’s great um but, it’s also made me very careful and strategic in how I spend it.

V: What is your one big piece of financial advice to all young women out there?

T: Surround yourself with the right people and set yourself up for independence.

V: I love that. Financial freedom.

T: Financial freedom.

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Current Energy

Jungkook has a... little skip in his step right now. He’s in LOVE. There might be a person in the picture but more than anything else, he is in love with LIFE. He is gracefully twirling out of mental and emotional binds that have been keeping him captive and he’s never felt freer! He feels like he has wings and he can fly and he wants to share this flight with those he loves. His heart space is overflowing with bliss and he wants to share this joy with everyone. Yet, he also realizes slowly that this is not something he can just give to someone— the other person has to be ready to receive it as well. So he is also safeguarding his bliss from those that might try to distort it with their own doubts or agenda. Outside, people might not even realize that his inner world is changing rapidly. After years of living life from external programming, Jungkook is now writing his own rules for his own life. There is a tsunami of rebellion inside his heart, but this is not the restless, chaotic kind— it is peaceful and stable, but also kind of a middle finger to external control programming lol. His bliss is not just confined to him either; I see a bevy of angels, guides and ancestors dancing around him in joy— it feels like a celebration! His heart chakra is spinning in a vortex of power that is soon going to be radiated all around him. Soon, his life is going to feel like a treasure trail where everyday he wakes up, each day feels like a diamond he has found on a walk— full of endless possibilities and rewards.

The last few years has felt like going through a series of doors where he opens one door which leads to another and then another... endlessly, and he was getting tired of it. Now he is at the threshold of the door that opens up to infinite space— it’s such a beautiful picture you guys I wish someone paints it— he will be standing on the edge of the earth with the door opening up to the stars where he will feel one with the cosmos, his bare feet planted firmly on the earth with long roots growing and connecting right to the core of the earth— he is placed perfectly between the physical and the divine realms. Right at this moment though, he is at the point where he is still ever-so-slightly hesitant. As I had mentioned in an earlier read, Jungkook attributes his spiritual journey and lessons and basically all good things to his Divine Feminine. There is an overwhelming gratitude that he feels for her and wants to share every beautiful experience and emotion that he feels with her. He is in a space with here where he trusts no one else with his happiness more than her. This is why, in happiness or in grief, in pain or in pleasure, he inadvertently wants to reach out to her. The “twin”, “I am you and you are me” aspect of this connection is dawning heavily on him and he can’t wait to experience this miraculous existence with her in the physical realm. This beautiful feeling when stretched out to the extreme, results in him being overly dependent on her which in turn makes the connection co-dependent which ultimately results in them repelling each other. This is why the more he tries to hold on to her tightly out of fear-based beliefs, the more he seems to be getting further away from her. This was the energy of the past, and Jungkook is slowly learning to let her go and ever since he has started to let go, she seems to be magically drawn to him. Right now he is in the energy of stepping into the realm of infinite possibilities and yet is just that bit hesitant and fearful where it’s like he is holding on to the pinky finger of her hand lol, unsure and fearful of what lies on the other side— kind of a “1 bird in hand is better than 2 in the bush” mentality. But what he is holding on to is only an old and outdated version of her; his Feminine has long since crossed over to the other side, so he’s only holding on to ashes, an illusion. It’s safe for him to fully let go and surrender. The upcoming theme for him is “sovereignty”. He is being led into direct connection with the Divine, who I see as his ultimate Guardian overseeing his whole life and his Twin Flame connection, where the Divine is like the father ushering in both of them into a life of bliss— I see 2 kids, a girl and a boy, frolicking in the fields— this is their inner children stepping out to play. His Feminine is already there and she and the Divine are waiting for him to let go of the past reality and step into this new one. For this, he has to go through the phase of spiritual sovereignty. He is being guided to be independent in his thoughts, beliefs and decisions— not just independent from those who he thinks are harmful, but also from those who he thinks are helpful, including his Feminine. Here, the point is not who is helpful, who is harmful, or who is good and who is bad, the point is only he can decide for himself from now on. Anything else will be rendered useless in his life. At this very moment, Jungkook is not entirely confident he can do it all by himself, plus as a perfectionist, he is extremely scared of making mistakes and putting himself and everyone else connected to him in jeopardy. But with energy, stagnation is more harmful than mistakes. In the bigger picture of the grand scheme of life, there are no mistakes. For every action is a step forward, so you can never really go backwards or do “harm” from a future perspective. The only harm therefore is to not make a choice, because if you don’t make a choice, someone else will and then you are in someone else’s reality rather than your own reality that you created from your own sovereign choice. There is also no rush or missed opportunities or moments, so take as long as you want, but be mindful that your life is a product of your own sovereign choice. Jungkook is being guided to step into the confidence of being a Creator, and is being encouraged by his guides and ancestors via synchronicities, rewards and surprises and of course, his intuition. In some recent happenings, he has had a taste of truthful sovereignty and he wants more. He is tuning into his intuition and realizing he is a lot more capable and connected than he has ever given himself credit for. He is slowly but surely learning to trust himself to take control over his thoughts, emotions and ultimately his life. Like I said, a tsunami of changes, but this tsunami is clearing away his old beliefs and programs and therefore, creating more calm and peace within him, that has also been gradually radiating outside where there will be visible changes in his aura and his beingness.

Nonetheless, Jungkook is happier than he has been in a while. Now on your spiritual journey, you will be met with a lot of happy moments and as a traveller that feels weary, it’s natural to want to settle for these happy moments and a lot of people make the mistake of doing so, not realizing that these are only the oasis in the desert. The actual goal is to cross the desert, because an oasis will not sustain you forever. Sooner or later, you will feel that this happiness is not enough and you need more, and that’s because as fulfilling as it is, it is limited. Jungkook is kind of wanting to settle in this moment of happiness because Lord knows how scarce this has been for him. And so, from time to time, he wants to hold on tightly to this, from fear that this might be taken away from him. But what he doesn’t realize (or know) is that the Divine has plans far, far bigger than this. This happiness will not be taken away from him, it will be magnified— should he dare to dream bigger. Right now, Jungkook’s conscious dreams and goals are not at par with what his soul had planned prior to his incarnation. He keeps limiting his goals from a lack of self worth and fear of the unknown, but he has been coming out of this energy for quite a while now, which has led him to this door of limitlessness. I’d say most of his hesitation is surrounding his Feminine because he fears if he lets go of her and focuses exclusively on himself and his life, he might lose her and mistakenly create a life where she is not with him. But the irony is that as Twin Flames, their souls have made a promise to each other: to only be with each other’s highest selves. This is why, when in their lowest selves, they repel each other and are stuck in the runner-chaser dynamic, but when operating from their higher selves, they attract each other. So to be with each other, they must be their true sovereign selves— devoid of any fear or doubts and instead, full of faith and that unconditional love that doesn’t seek to control or own but shares their own wings and flight with the other so both can fly free in a sky of infinite possibilities. Therefore, what Jungkook sees as letting go of her, is just him letting go of her illusion— she does not exist in that limited realm anymore. This is why Jungkook feels his fear of losing her slowly fading. As their souls are connected, it is simply an energetic reaction to her levelling up. This is the beauty of this connection— if one sets themselves free, the other will feel that urgency to follow suit, whether it makes sense or not. As his Feminine surrenders herself to the Divine, Jungkook is feeling this sense of surrender washing upon him too. Yet, his mind continues to challenge this phenomenon, wanting to stay back just a bit longer. However, given how long he has been in the healing, his mind is only putting up a weak fight; the surrender looms stronger. He is answering to his inner call, trusting that what he wants will not pass him by.

Another upcoming theme in his life is “explorer of the world”. In the last few years, Jungkook has been, knowingly or unknowingly, in the process of integrating 5D energy into his being. As this integration is complete, he will feel a strong urge to explore life, because this integration will feel like a rebirth or as if he has been transplanted with a new set of eyes and the world as he knew earlier, seems so different. Where previously, the world was a dull, colourless existence full of misery and struggle, now the world will seem bright, colourful and full of possibilities. When he has this new eyesight, he will want to re-engage with the world in a new way and re-experience it all over again. Therefore his call to “sovereignty” is a preparation for this new life. As I said earlier, his soul believes that his conscious plans are not at par with his unlimited capabilities, so this upcoming stage in his life will be about re-imagining his goals and dreams. If he could have ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING in this world, what are the things would he truly want? So far Jungkook’s goals have been very practical and dare I say, from a lack mindset where he focused more on what is practically possible and what is not. Still, it’s because of his sincerity and purity of heart that the Divine has blessed him with so much more than what he had originally expected. Therefore so far, his achievements have been more of a Divine intervention than a conscious creation on his part— kind of like, wow, big things happened and let me just roll with it and work hard to keep them going. That reality is now ending for him. Through his Twin Flame connection that gives him so much happiness, the Divine is now asking him to be a conscious creator. It’s like holding up a shiny toy in front of him like, you want this? You want to have exactly what you want? Then get comfortable being a sovereign creator. Of course, he will still be supported by the Divine because his soul has literally signed up to be in this role. The only thing that is standing between his present self and the self that gets everything he wants is Faith— faith in his own abilities to navigate his own path to his own highest self, and faith in a higher Divine guardianship that is always, always watching over him, protecting him, guiding him, always ready to give him whatever support he needs. As long as he places his faith in any other person of this world, no matter how capable they are, he will keep hitting a wall, because it’s now time for him to be his own guide with support straight from the Divine. This includes his Feminine— powerful as she is in her spiritual abilities, she can never replace the Divine in his life; in fact as his Divine counterpart (it’s in the name), she will always nudge him towards the Divine. The more he tries to get close to her for guidance, the more she will push him away and guide him towards the Divine. She won’t even have to do it consciously; this will happen energetically.

Jungkook has been yearning to manifest his Twin Flame connection into an earthly relationship as fast as possible, but the Divine is like, are you sure you know exactly what you want? Because it’s not just about a person, it’s also about everything else in the relationship. And what about your life? Do you know exactly what you want in life? Jungkook’s manifestations are actually being delayed because his soul had made far bigger plans for his life and is like, nah uh, your earthly plans are wee compared to mine, and is egging him on to expand his consciousness beyond his perceived limits. His connection is not manifesting because this alone time is meant for him to re-evaluate his goals and plans. Like I said, so far, Jungkook has been in the habit of planning practically. This time, armed with an open heart space and a limitless consciousness, he will be able to foresee his life more clearly and more in alignment with his soul plan. His manifestations are being delayed not because the Divine doesn’t support him, but because the Divine refuses to let him settle for anything less than he deserves. To top it off, the Divine wants him to have the pleasure of co-creating all of this as a conscious creator. This is that unconditional love that he has been seeking from his Feminine and yet is rejecting from the Divine, not realizing that that is where this love flows from.

So, as soon as that final door opens, he will find himself in an exciting adventure of literally creating and building a new life for himself— all from what he wants and what makes him happy, rather than what he was told was possible or impossible. As they say, the sky will be the limit for him— the sky will be his huge canvas for him to fill with every colour and pattern that he wants his life to be filled with, right from the tiniest, silliest things to jaw-droppingly grand ones. It’s an open ended question with unlimited potential: what does he want? Does he want to be the king of the world? Or maybe he wants to go to a small seaside village, swim with the sharks, sleep under the stars and write poetry by the fire? Or maybe he wants to dive into world music, make little playlists and fall in love with the idea of love itself? It’s a main character energy he will be getting into where he explores life again, but this time with joy and bliss in his heart instead of fear and limits. Maybe he doesn’t see it yet but this “alone” (I mean separate from his Feminine) time is crucial because 1) how disappointing it would be if he ended up manifesting a life that doesn’t have everything that he would want, simply because he did not put in the time to think of everything he wants, and 2) this little adventure will lead him to himself like no one else ever can. Okay, so flashback, one of the first things I noticed about Jungkook is his self denial. I mean in a world full of narcissists, it is refreshing to see someone who doesn’t think he’s all that lol, but it is also sad because self denial is not the same as humility. Jungkook doesn’t have imposter syndrome either, much less even being an imposter, no, he’s always himself, but it’s more like he doesn’t completely put himself out there. Ad I don’t mean in the privacy kind of way, that is different, but Jungkook holds back from a very deep sense of something like “I’m not all that amazing to be putting myself out there so much”. Maybe he even thinks that he’s “too much”. It’s a miracle that even after holding back so much, what we see of him still impresses and amazes us, but it’s like, there’s so much more where that came from! I always feel like I have to look at him through a magnifying glass because of how much of himself he holds back, and yet it’s contradictory because his energy is so strong! Therefore I believe it’s more of a conscious habit to constantly “hide” even when he is in full show. This definitely stems from his harsh self judgment. I do see him coming out of this mindset, but the flip side of this is overgiving and overdoing to a point of being performative. So even when you think he is giving his 100%, most of the time he is performing. What I mean by this is, he might DO 100% (or even 200%), but he isn’t BEING 100%. The problem with this is that no matter how much you do, you will come across as “not enough” because you’re not being your whole self. In spirituality these days, there is a lot of emphasis on being and rightly so, because being a 100% will naturally attract things to you that doing a lot more than that won’t. This is why this upcoming phase of his life where he exclusively explores his own mind and his own life will help him gather all of his scattered bits and pieces so he can be a 100% wherever he goes and whatever he does. Because the only time he is able to be 100% is when he lives from a place of joy and bliss. This is also why he craves his Feminine so much— doing even the littlest, most random things for and with her makes him feels whole and complete, because he does these things straight from the heart, with joy. But this is only a temporary fix and also toxic because she can’t keep making him complete; it’s draining for her if it turns into her responsibility. Instead, if he focuses on making himself whole, whatever she does for and with him will feel even more joyful because it’s freeing. And also, no matter how amazing your goals and plans are for life, the most important element to enjoy life is you— if you do not feel whole and complete, no matter where you go, who you are with, and how great of a person they are, you will still feel empty. The Divine said that’s not going to happen with Jungkookie lol. So yes, in the near future, you will find him focusing on this area of his life. The era of “holding back” Jungkook will soon be over, and given that he has been so entertaining and endearing already, God save us when he steps out in his full form, without doubts, questions, denials and also without the need to people-please an instead just being his whole complete self, secure and peaceful in the knowledge of who he is and that he always gets what he wants. It is this self-assured beingness that will give him the confidence to step forward knowing that any outer problem or resistance will have to fall back because when you’re on your Divinely destined path, literally hell and heaven both support you. Of course this is not to say that he will never face problems, that is not the point of life at all, rather he is working on being centered in himself so that no matter what the external situation is, he always knows exactly what he wants and doesn’t stop until he gets it. Jungkook 2.0 is coming soon you guys! Of course I say Jungkook 2.0 but it’s more like him going back to the point of starting his career, because that’s where he sort of started living this life. He’s going back to the wide-eyed wonder he had about this career— a place of art, beauty, creativity and love from millions. He’s going back to re-discovering the fun aspect of this life as it used to be back in the day when they were at point 0, where they had nothing to prove, no one to please and nothing to lose. Just a path of endless possibilities and the excitement of trying out new things and the pure joy they received from the love of their first batch of Armys when none of the big shots in the world was looking their way. Although that exact external situation won’t come back, he can still recreate the freshness of the inner mindset. The demand of the moment is to let go of expectations regarding outcomes and dive into the joy of creating. The Divine only has the best of rewards in store for him and won’t budge unless he aligns his conscious wants with the best. That’s all folks, I wish him well in his what I know is going to be a magnificent journey. The Feminine is just the cherry on top, but also like, the cake and the icing needs to be ready first :)

[x0401x]

Violet Evergarden Movie Summary

The initial plan was to make this a short bullet-point thing, but I felt like there was too much to clarify and I had no choice but use novel references to explain certain parts, so I decided to just write a normal summary. Many thanks before-hand to my friend Yuuki, who gave me all this info.

Apologies for taking relatively long with this thing. Not even I expected that I would end up writing this much. Buckle up for the ride, ‘cause it won’t be fun.

Nope, not kidding. It really won’t.

First thing I need to make clear is: this movie is one and a half hour long and divided into three parts and two different timelines: the times when Violet existed and the times after she dies. Already in the beginning of the movie, Violet is dead.

Yes, you read this right. She’s dead.

Now, I don’t mean that she’s dead in the literal sense. This is 60 years in the future. She might be alive or not, but it’s never said. However, the timeline of 60 years later is considered an era without Violet, apparently because she has retired and her “legend” is over, so to say. It’s also a time where Auto-Memories Dolls don’t exist. That’s one good punch in the face. Let’s keep counting.

The movie is sort of like a tale being read by someone else, which at some point goes into Violet’s first-person POV. The whole thing is kind of a look back on Violet’s life tragectory and how it took a new turn when she decided to continue looking for Gil despite all the mess of the TV series.

The era where Violet exists is an era where telephones are being introduced to the people, so Auto-Memories Dolls are starting to become unnecessary. I would argue that the creation of the telephone isn’t enough for an entire occupation to start disappearing so quickly, since new inventions are normally extremely expensive and not everyone has access to them (or even knows about their existence) so immediately after their conception. Realistically speaking, ghostwriters would still be important as long as there were still so many people unable to buy phones. Not to mention that this is a steampunk world where compulsory education doesn’t seem to be a thing yet, so even in the off chance that everybody can buy a phone, there would still be a lot of people who can’t read or write on their own. But all of this clearly went over the animators’ heads, so not only ghostwriters but also the mail business in general are nearing their doom in the movie.

The one looking back on Violet’s life was Ann, who was telling it all to her granddaughter, Daisy (who, by the way, is voiced by Morohoshi Sumire, the same girl who voiced the seven-year-old Ann). Ann had kept all the letters that Violet ghostwrote for her mother, as well as the newspapers about the CH Postal Company. Looks like the article was printed after Violet left CH, since she isn’t in the picture with everyone else.

In this era, CH’s main office has been turned into a museum. Nerine is shown working in it. Of course, she’s a grandma by then. Speaking of the CH personnel, Erica also quit being an Auto-Memories Doll and became a playwright like Oscar. She appears in the newspaper, though, so she probably a while left after Violet did. Taylor also appears there.

Back to Daisy, she was writing a letter to her parents, in order to learn how to properly convey feelings with written word. The message of this scene seems to be that, no matter the tools, what’s important is that we convey our feelings to the people we love.

As we see in the trailer, Gil’s mom has passed and Violet runs into Dietfried when visiting her grave on the anniversary of her death. To anyone who is wondering: yeah, Gil never went to see his mother and she died thinking that he was dead.

Nobody knew that Gil was alive. Not his mother, not Dietfried, not the Evergardens and not even Hodgins. No one.

Here’s what happened to Gil in the anime: he survived the incident at Intense, of course, but got separated from Violet in that explosion. His tag miraculously stayed on the same spot, though, as we saw in the TV series. Now, since this isn’t explained in the anime at all, I have to make it clear: the tag is that necklace the soldiers wear. It contains their names and ranks, so that their bodies can be identified even when they’re irrecognizable. Without the tag, the people who rescued Gil had no idea who he was, so he was sent to a different place to get treated. He ended up at a monastery hospital instead of the one in Enchaîné. I would debate that his uniform alone is enough to identify him as someone from the Leidenschaftlich Army, or maybe they could’ve just asked him which troop he belonged to after he woke up and relocated him to where his fellow men were, but who even cares about all these plot holes anymore? Definitely not me.

Anyway. After Gil was discharged, he ran the fuck away. Like, literally.

If anyone out there was hoping that Gil would finally have his moment to shine as the self-sacrificing, thoughtful and ridiculously kindhearted character that he is in the novel, I have bad news for you. What we had here was even worse than it being Gil’s excuse movie. It’s like the whole thing was made to drag his character so deep through the mud that he’ll never be able to get up again. There’s pretty much nothing in this one and a half hour that actually justifies what he did to Violet. I’ll elaborate on this as we go on.

Anime!Gil became a nomad and went traveling. He offed his ass to the island where that lighthouse displayed in the most recent official art is located (that’s why Gil and Violet were at the beach on the movie poster). He doesn’t have a prosthetic in the anime because, apparently, he was more worried about disappearing as fast as possible to somewhere he would never be found, and never attempted to contact anybody. So nobody knew that he was alive, hence the grave, which, as we feared, was not a fake one. His family really did think he had died.

This is a point that I have already addressed before, but that also means Gil really did abandon Violet to luck. If anything dangerous ever happened to her (as it did, and it was always very obviously likely to happen, since she was the southern army’s most outstanding soldier and quite literally fled from the military), he wouldn’t even know. If word ever got to him, it would probably be too late. And even if it weren’t, he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help her. More than allowing her to live freely, it felt like he was running away from his responsibilities regarding Violet.

Punch on the face count is currently at six.

By sheer coincidence, Violet learns that Gil is living in that island. She goes to see him and Hodgins goes with her after trying to stop her at first. When Gil finds out that they came to see him, he outright refuses to meet them. It pretty much takes the near entirety of the goddamn movie for them to see each other face-to-face. I say face-to-face because all of the following shit happens:

Hodgins goes to talk to Gil. It lasts about 20 minutes.

Gil talks to Violet from behind a door. This one is about 10 minutes.

Dietfried also comes to the island to talk to him. Also about 10 minutes.

At long fucking last, Gil goes to see Violet. But that, too, is only for about 10 minutes.

Hodgins gives him a speech very similar to what happens in chapter 8. Now get ready to fall back from your seats: Dietfried basically goes there to tell Gil that he won’t run away from taking over the family anymore, so Gil can live freely. Yes, Dietfried is officially a better Gilbert than Gilbert himself. I crave death.

So, after much ado, they come to a conclusion: Gil will stay in the island. In order to completely free himself of the shackles of his bloodline, he stays behind, living the way he wants to. ‘Cause all anime!Gil wants is to rot away alone by the sea, apparently. Now prepare yourselves, for it gets worse. Ready?

Violet stays with him in the motherfucking island.

That’s right, ladies and gents. Another fear became true. She quits her job at the CH Postal Company and goes to live with him. Well, at least, not as a housewife. She starts working with mail services in the island, and Gil helps her with it. Her life goes on like this and she dies in the island as well.

This is where the timeline after Violet passes away comes into light, parallel to the era when Violet was alive. Daisy talks about what happened after Violet left CH, as if it were a tale from the distant past.

That’s it.

The movie paints this as a happy ending. I can hardly see it as one. I know it almost looks like everything was solved, but it just got swept under the rug.

The main point that makes me sad in this ending is that Violet’s character development did a 360 degree flip. In the end, she threw everything to the air and went to live in someone who she always put before everyone else, even herself, but who didn’t do the same for her (in the anime). She’s gone to a crammed little island, where she led an uneventful life away from everyone and everything that’s ever had a positive impact on her. All she has is Gil.

Of course, he’s all she needs, but he isn’t all she should have, and that was the entire point of pushing her to go live on her own. Which is exactly what she earns in the novel: two loving parents, a father figure, a brother figure, a best friend and several other friends and acquaintances whom she formed a bond with. She has all she needs, so she doesn’t have to cling to Gil for any reason. There’s no emotional dependance on him anymore. She doesn’t need him to be whole. She just wants him because he happens to be the best person she’s ever met.

Anime!Violet is most definitely not whole. She almost got there, but then she backtracked completely. And anime!Gil... in my friend’s words, is a weakling. There’s nothing in him actually worth all this undying blind love. Sure, he’s full of regret and shit, but it’s too easy to only act upon it now, by vanishing into thin air like a coward.

The deal with novel!Gil is that he looks around at everything he has, everything that had been burdening him and killing him on the inside all his life, and decides to make use of it for Violet’s sake. He continues being family head and working in the army, amassing money and connections in order to have every means possible to protect Violet should anything happen to her. And as it turns out, he does end up having to use those means, more than once, but he will keep this up for as long as he needs to, because he lives for her now. That’s what makes him worth all the blood, sweat, tears, mental sanity and even body parts that she gave away for his sake: he pays it back. Every cent.

Punch in the face count ends at twelve. Thirteen if I include the fact that the movie ends with a last shot of Violet after she and Gilbert do a pinky swear. Looks like they were really trying to buy everyone with tears.

Oh, well.

I hope this has been a good enough summary. Sorry if I rained on anyone’s parade. I’m pretty sure we won’t get a remake ever, so I really wish we all can get over this soon.

[t0bey]

plum drop the essay on fuyu/peko and mondo/taka paralelles !!!! i am curious

ask and u shall recieve (inserting my first ever page break because holy FUCK this got long) 

oke! I guess I’ll start off with Peko’s initial conception as a character, which was the main initial comparison danganronpa intended between Peko and Kiyotaka.

I’ve noticed danganronpa has a tendency to re-use character tropes or roles after each game, tho their fates end up differently. For example, Chihiro was the smart, cute, and sweet character who ended up dying early on and had little significance outside of alter ego afterwards. Chiaki is the same, except if Danganronpa took Chihiro’s character and made her one of the main protagonists that has much more significance in the game. 

The staff of SDR2 confirmed that they based Peko off of Kiyotaka, from their intense red eyes (which was intentional) + predominately b&w colorscheme, they both have swords, and their characters are tied to justice, though in different ways. Not to mention both are meant to be extremely disciplined, but ultimately struggle at socializing due to their rough backstories. But that’s where Peko’s ties to Taka as an initial concept end there, because the parallels between Peko/Taka and Fuyuhiko/Mondo are a whole ‘nother ballpark.

Before bringing that up though, we should note that while their designs are significantly different, Mondo and Fuyuhiko are extremely similar in terms of their backstory and personality (down to their ability to curse like a sailor). Both struggle with an inferiority complex (Fuyuhiko w/ how he isn’t taken seriously because of his babyface, Mondo w/ how his self esteem is really fragile and gets jealous of others when he acknowledges them to be stronger than him). Both act like tough, aggressive lone-wolfs (well, Mondo pre-sauna anyways), but have been stated to have a soft side, to the point they doubt their capabilities of being a tough leader because of it. They both even have a sibling they both believe would be a better leader than them (Daiya and Natsumi). BASICALLY fuyuhiko and mondo are the same role, being the intimidating gang leader that no one should fuck with, but in actuality has a lot of insecurities behind that facade. 

Ok, ok, time to the ACTUAL relationship parallel analysis. We now know why Peko/Taka are meant to be parallels, and we can definintely make a solid claim for Fuyuhiko and Mondo. This isn’t new for Danganronpa, in their tendency to use patterns but give them a different twist depending on the game. Which is exactly what happened in  regards to chapter 2 of THH and SDR2, respectively.

The games’ chapter 1s are simple: meant to introduce the characters/game/stakes. Leon and Sayaka’s deaths were tragic, but the emotional impact of them wasn’t the main priority by the writers. Only to show that this was, indeed, a Killing Game where anyone’s possible to die. But chapter 2 of danganronpa is intended to be the chapter where you’re introduced to just how emotional and tragic the games can actually be, meant for maximum heartbreak (for both the characters and the player).

Chapter 2 of THH was where the different students’s relationships between each other became more solid. Sakura and Aoi were good friends. Toko’s obsession for Byakuya first solidified. Hifumi being Celeste’s servant, etc. Taka and Mondo’s fast developed friendship is no different. After the sauna, the two clicked so much that they believed calling each other just a friend wasn’t really accurate, and settled on calling each other brother instead. While they don’t have memories of their close friendship during Hope’s Peak at this time, it’s heavily implied that their closeness during that time made them subconsciously gravitate towards each other so fast, which could also be seen with Sakura and Aoi, and how Chihiro was able to find Makoto familiar during their introduction. 

Peko and Fuyuhiko’s relationship could be considered to be just as close. The two grew up together, quite literally since they were kids. Like Taka and Mondo’s relationship pre-sauna, Fuyuhiko and Peko’s relationship was somewhat strained, though it’s more deeply rooted than two extremely contrasting guys clashing over their perceptions of each other. Fuyuhiko is extremely insecure in his place as the Kuzuruyuu clan’s head, and sees Peko’s desire to protect him and carry out his commands as an unwanted crutch that challenges his desire to be independent, as well as extremely worrying considering how because of this, Peko devalues her own life and worth as a person. Fuyuhiko very much loves Peko as a person, and as such tried to distance himself from her during their time on Jabberwock Island. Though unfortunately, Peko took this as him loathing her in general, further cementing her desire to be his “tool” because if he couldn’t stand being around her, she might as well make herself useful to him.  

Now. Finally to get into the explicit parallels between the relationships of Kiyotaka/Mondo, and Peko/Fuyuhiko. Peko and Taka’s perspective on their relationships is a great starting point. 

Each game’s chapter 2 shows just how willing both Taka and Peko are willing to go in order to protect Mondo and Fuyuhiko. Peko’s motive for killing Mahiru wasn’t to escape, but to in her eyes save Fuyuhiko from the Killing Game, by using herself as his tool to carry out muder, and have everyone incorrectly vote for her so Fuyuhiko could get away. She was his bodyguard in the truest sense of the word. Now in THH’s chapter 2, instead of fighting against Mondo in proving his guilt, you’re fighting Kiyotaka. He refuses any evidence you throw at him, arguing relentlessly to prove Mondo’s innocence, to the point the only reason he stopped was because Mondo told him to. And you later find out, in chapter 3, that Kiyotaka felt so determined to prove Mondo’s innocence was because he felt like it was his responsibility to, as he cared for Mondo so much. 

So, in a way, Taka considers himself Mondo’s bodyguard. Just without the years worth of reinforcement that you’re nothing but a tool to be used which makes you devalue your own worth as a person. (Not that his self esteem and willpower wasn’t ultimately crushed by Mondo’s execution, but that’s only because the circumstances he lost him was undenyingly brutal considering the Killing Game). While the circumstances of Peko’s desire to protect Fuyuhiko are really murky and problematic considering how she was raised, Danganronpa confirmed that she protected him so much because of her care for him, to the point she was willing to sacrifice her own life to assure that Fuyuhiko is safe. And Kiyotaka was willing to go to the exact same drastic measures, by voting for himself. 

It’s also worth noting that in the stage play, he willingly accepted to be punished alongside him by doing this to make sure Mondo doesn’t die alone. 

So from my own understanding, Super Danganronpa 2 took the tragedy of Mondo and Taka’s relationship, and flipped it so that while it still follows its signature use of repetitive patterns, they made the circumstances different, but just as heartbreaking. And how? Because they took the Taka of the relationship, and made Peko the culprit. It’s not the Mondo this time, which is who you’re supposed to expect to be the culprit, because of your expectation from THH’s trial 2. 

Peko tried her best to protect Fuyuhiko, much like Kiyotaka tried to after he recognized the fact Mondo was the blackened. Both were, at the expense of their classmate’s and their own lives, were willing to protect them both, no matter what. Peko took a more active role in trying to do this however, which is what Kiyotaka severely regretted not doing, as stated in chapter 3. 

And Fuyuhiko is what would have happened if Mondo was forced to face the consequences of his actions (in Fuyu’s case, being partially responsible for Mahiru’s death, in Mondo’s case, Chihiro’s). Instead of Taka arguing to prove Mondo’s innocence, it’s Fuyuhiko who’s doing that for Peko. A deliberate use of subverting the pattern given to us by THH’s chapter 2.  

That’s the main takeaway, but I suppose I should also address the romantic parallels while I’m at it. I personally don’t like Kuzupeko as a romantic relationship, mainly because of how Peko’s self worth and personal value of herself as a person was as a direct result from being considered Fuyuhiko’s “tool” and their professional relationship as yakuza leader/henchman. Fuyuhiko does love her as a person, but that doesn’t negate the years of psychological degradation Peko endured to consider herself as a tool. Though in typical Danganronpa fashion, they choose to gloss over the problematic aspects of their relationship while heavily implying romantic subtext between them. So while I can’t say I’m a fan, I know the game/DR3 anime says otherwise. 

And as for Ishimondo, I know some will disagree with me, but I definitely feel that their relationship is heavily lined with romantic subtext as well. Not much is really explicit in the game outside of Ishida and Hifumi’s romantic rivalry for alter ego (who Taka considers Mondo), but the mangas and posters definitely show their relationship that most would consider normal for couples.

But at the end of the day? Both Peko and Taka love Fuyuhiko and Mondo, whether or not you consider both, one, or none of their relationship to be romantic. They wouldn’t have put their own lives on the line if it was anything else. And it’s that emotional connection between Kiyotaka and Mondo, and Peko and Fuyuhiko that’s meant to give you an emotional punch in the gut for THH and SDR2’S chapter 2’s, because of how far the two were willing to protect them.

[shihalyfie]

“Dependable senior” Kido Jou

Continuing my thread of analyzing the Adventure characters in detail, today we’ll be talking about Jou, Adventure’s most famous disaster character whom most of us have probably started feeling may actually be the most relatable character in this cast. It’s hard not to love him, honestly, given how earnestly he works so hard at everything and yet has an unfortunate tendency to dig himself into a hole.

Let’s just cut to the chase and talk about Jou!

Jou’s family background

Adventure is of course known for its overall focus on family backgrounds, but Jou’s is fairly different from the others’ for a lot of different reasons. We never meet Jou’s parents in the series itself, only in a drama CD, but we do meet his brother, Kido Shin -- and in fact, Jou’s the only Adventure kid to have siblings outside of the group (two, in fact, although we don’t meet Shuu until 02).

Jou’s family is what’s often called an “elite” family -- one that pushes for its kids and family members to have a certain degree of “high status” through their career. Even those in non-Asian countries will probably recognize that academic achievement measurement pressure is endemic to the culture in general -- especially since Japan has standard entrance exams go all the way down to high school level -- but it is especially prominent in the case of the Kido family, and Jou’s father has been pushing all three of his sons to become doctors, largely because he wants one of them to inherit his clinic. (While it’s not as extreme as Sora’s problem with iemoto position inheritance, Jou’s position of being in inheritance pressure is not entirely dissimilar.) It also means that just being any kind of doctor isn’t enough for him -- it’s got to be one of the “dignified and prominent” kinds of doctors (heavily implied to involve surgery, given the mention of blood).

In addition, while it’s not strictly said within the series itself, it’s implied that Jou is feeling a lot of pressure in terms of being the youngest of three sons, when the older two have a huge age gap with him. Jou is only in elementary school, while his second oldest brother is in high school and his oldest brother already a medical student! (By the time Adventure is over, both brothers are in national university, which is a really tough achievement.) Within his family, Jou really is The Baby compared to two high-achieving brothers who are already “well on their way to great things”.

In order to be on the path of becoming a doctor, Jou starts off the series, only in elementary school, in the “prep school track” -- or, what’s basically a constant cycle of getting into a good school so that he can get into another good school so that he can get into another good school (et cetera). Again, Japanese schools have entrance exams as early as high school, so this is something he’ll be setting on very early. I also cannot emphasize enough that for anyone who has to go through this process, it is absolute hell. I have never met anyone who actually enjoys doing this; it’s a means to an end. It’s very hard to have your heart into this unless you want the final goal that badly -- vague promises of status alone don’t do it -- and even those who do want it often end up demotivated and going through the motions with their will broken partway into it.

And, unfortunately for Jou, he’d already had a good reason to not want to do this from day one.

Jou has severe blood phobia. (Formally called “hemophobia”, although I tend to avoid that term given that it’s one letter off from something else.) Shin even makes it clear in this scene from Adventure episode 38 that any doubts about Jou’s ability to become a doctor don’t have anything to do with his personality or abilities, but the fact is that this is, indeed, a very serious and concrete problem for someone who intends to become a doctor (or at least, again, the kind of doctor that his father wants him to be). It’s possible that Jou outright fainting at the sight of blood might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s definitely enough of a deterrent that he’s not feeling this whole thing at all, and convincing him to actually care about becoming a doctor is going to require a huge uphill battle. By default, the answer was already a huge, capital NO in giant letters before anything ever began. And yet, Jou continued to force himself to go through the motions.

It should also be made clear that while Jou’s father was pressuring him to become a doctor, he was also not trying to force Jou to become one. The drama CD where he appears had him actually outwardly encourage Jou to do whatever he wanted instead of forcing himself -- but it was also extremely clear that he was still personally very unhappy and dissatisfied with the idea of all three brothers not taking over his clinic. As much as the Kido brothers do seem to be concerned about their father’s disapproval, it’s less so out of fear of retribution and more that they just really worry about disappointing him. Hence, this is why Jou continues to follow the path even when he’s not really feeling it, and it’s important to understanding Jou as a character for the rest of this post: Jou has no personal interest in status or honor, but is motivated by his sense of duty towards other people. 

Even so, “because my father really wants me to” isn’t exactly very motivating in itself, and, all in all, Jou starts off Adventure very jaded about his future prospects, and rather demotivated and uninterested in them. But come the events of Adventure, Jou, the aforementioned “baby of the family”, gets recasted as the oldest in the group -- which becomes a huge factor in how he ends up changing his view of himself and his personal goals.

Jou in Adventure

Jou starts off the series assigned as Mimi’s camp group leader, but even Mimi senses an aura from him that he doesn’t seem very “reliable”. In this case, the word��“reliable” doesn’t refer to his Crest name (which did get a dub name of “Reliability”) but rather various words that effectively mean “able to be counted on”. Which, at this early point of the story, Jou is decidedly not. Once the adventure gets off the ground, Jou easily succumbs to stress, and especially the stress and burden placed on him from being the oldest in the group.

If you’re wondering if that one-year difference between Jou and Taichi/Yamato/Sora really is that big of a deal, culturally speaking: yes, it is (especially when everyone’s at this young age), and Jou isn’t just being stickler about it. You can actually see an example of how this comes into play once they return to regular society in Adventure episode 29, when the kids are allowed to go to Hikarigaoka purely because “a sixth-grader” (Jou) is with them. This is the kind of responsibility that society normally imposes on him, and this is what he carries even into another world.

In fact, Jou’s aware even from the get-go that he’s not exactly cut out for that kind of role. From the Adventure novels:

Jou thought about it. He, too, felt sorry for the younger boy… but it would be over for his leadership if he went back on what he’d already decided. Give them an opening and they’ll soon be walking all over him. He just couldn’t have that. Jou was all too aware of his own often indecisive personality. ... When they heard what had transpired between her and Jou, Yamato and the others glared coldly in Jou’s direction. What was this, a dictatorship?

As a result, he initially rubs everyone the wrong way because, in their view, he’s trying to impose his will on everyone like some control freak, but as it turns out, being a control freak is actually part of Jou’s stress response.

Said control freakishness manifests in Jou constantly spending the early part of the series by leaning back on “the rules of society” -- including the early series running gag of him insisting that there must be “adults” there, when this is clearly not the case to everyone else present -- because, for someone like him who easily gives into stress and anxiety and has a nasty tendency to become incredibly irrational, leaning on those “rules” is some degree of comfort to him. Now that he’s been dragged into another world, he’s desperately clawing at anything that can bring his sense of “reality” back -- hence why he keeps relying on the concept of “adults”, because the truth is that he himself isn’t actually that capable of handling the situation on his own, and he’s trying to convince himself that there’s Some More Reliable Thing Out There that they can fall back on.

The infamous “egg scene” in Adventure episode 7 is certainly comedic when Jou overreacts to everyone harmlessly listing off things they like on their eggs, but things quickly take a turn for the dramatic when Jou practically has a mental breakdown over it. In the end, Jou so easily succumbs to anxiety that even little things like “being a little out of order” stress him out to no end. The world is easy to understand and explain when everything is in the right place, and chaos has a tendency to completely disorient him.

But on the other hand, it’s also in Adventure episode 7 where we learn that Jou’s control freak behavior isn’t because he actually cares about any kind of status or honor for being the oldest, but because he truly, truly feels responsible for everyone’s welfare.

“Because I’m the oldest” is a statement that Jou means in the context of him having a duty to protect everyone -- beyond everything, the one thing that does make Jou passionate is how much he truly, truly cares about other people’s welfare, to the point he impulsively throws himself onto the Black Gear-controlled Unimon and tries to yank the gear out with his bare hands. In fact, said episode demonstrates that Jou can be recklessly self-sacrificial when he wants to be, because his failed attempts at dispute resolution lead him to conclude that he should be the one to take one for the team. For all it’s worth, Jou has the right idea when it comes to trying to take leadership, because he’s very much doing this for the welfare of others more than he ever cares about himself or the glory of the position -- it’s just that, being rather reckless, rather paranoid, and not very good at actually thinking straight, his way of going about it doesn’t tend to always land right.

But it’s undeniable that he cares, and he’s trying, and this leads to a shift in how the rest of the team comes to perceive him for the rest of the series now that they understand that his intentions really are for their sake, not because he’s trying to be a jerk about it.

And that comes out to be the one most prominent trait about Jou for the rest of the series, especially in Adventure episodes 23 and 36 -- as much as an unpredictable loose cannon as he can be, he’s so loyal to his friends and determined to protect them that he would even recklessly throw himself into the line of fire for them. That’s the basis of his Crest, which is something that’s been translated half a dozen different ways, but all boil down to the same principle: he has a strong sense of duty and responsibility to other people, and will always make do on his promises to others or his desire to provide for them.

After a few of their initial bad starts, the Adventure kids never treat him badly -- in fact, both Sora and Mimi respectfully call him “Jou-senpai” as if to acknowledge his position over them in school, something that’s stuck very well with the actual fanbase (more on this later). Of course, everyone tends to get exasperated at him or worry about whether he’ll actually pull through on anything he attempts, but the majority of the humor revolving around Jou in Adventure has very little to do with anyone insulting or tormenting him, and more that he tends to be so dramatic and high-strung that he kind of digs himself into a hole. (Like how he tries to angrily chastise everyone for spending their money on food in Adventure episode 30, only for the revelation that he’s starving himself to kick in and for him to sink into the exact opposite extreme.) Ultimately, everyone comes to understand that Jou’s working really hard for their sake, so they cut him a bit of slack.

In fact, while Taichi initially complains about Jou sitting out of their trip to Shibaura to find the eighth child for the sake of entrance exam studies in Adventure episode 32, the kids strike a compromise by dumping all of their phone call work on him. Of course, this is a bit of “revenge” for him not accompanying them, but it is effectively the other kids respecting his right to sit out and not have to completely give up on his real life obligations even in the middle of the eighth child search, by allowing him to participate in the search in a way that’s more convenient for him.

But despite diligently sticking to the motions, Jou doesn’t actually emotionally care about all of this. We even get a hint of this in Adventure episode 35 -- Jou gets what he calls “the worst grade in his life,” presumably due to all of the stress he’d been going through lately, having just gotten back from the Digital World and all. He also bounces back incredibly quickly, saying that he’ll have to call and inform his parents he’ll be back late.

In the end, Jou doesn’t really care about his grades or performance when it comes to cram school, even despite insisting on sticking to it, because he’s just not feeling it. He doesn’t even want to be a doctor all that much; he has no true motivation and no reason to care. (The only time Jou is ever portrayed as actually liking doing any kind of studying at all rather than doing it as obligation is when everyone’s listing off what they miss doing in Adventure episode 6, but it’s in a context where everyone’s talking about missing home, so it’s more of him missing his daily routine and what’s “familiar” to him than anything else.) He went through the motions, and was slightly disappointed about the grade, but the “ultimate goal” of becoming a doctor had no personal meaning to him, and so he shrugs it all off.

Jumping in physical danger to save someone’s life? That’s a no-brainer -- Jou would easily throw himself into the line of fire to do so, because he’s so passionate about protecting other people and taking responsibility for them that he’ll gladly sacrifice himself for anyone else in a heartbeat. But this whole thing about becoming a doctor and his future career is such a vague thing that he doesn’t even want that it’s arguably more of his “required daily routine” than it’s actually something he cares about all that much.

And so, we finally meet Kido Shin, in Adventure episode 38 -- he’s the oldest of the Kido brothers, already a medical student, and, ostensibly, the one closest to their father’s goal of having doctor sons. Yet his first appearance indicates that even he doesn’t have it all together, either -- he sleeps in the closet (Jou didn’t even know about this!), and somehow just slept through all of his surroundings being kidnapped. So even one of Jou’s apparent models is a bit of a disaster himself -- and, more importantly, Shin leaves some advice with Jou that sticks with him for the rest of the series.

Shin does not intend to be a doctor in the way their father wants him to be (remember, he specifically wants them to take over his clinic). This is Jou’s first time hearing about this, which is important because it means it’s the first time Jou is having such a major shakeup to his likely perception of Shin as a “prior example” -- and Shin knows this, because he promptly uses himself as an example of why Jou should also be free to choose his own path. Jou being the Kido family’s “baby” especially comes out in the novel, because Shin implies that he thinks Shuu would feel independent enough to not need any advice about this, whereas Jou definitely needs it.

We don’t get follow-up on this until after they return to the Digital World, and Mimi witnessing a handful of deaths and eventually Taichi and Yamato falling out brings her to her emotional limit; Jou decides to take responsibility for her, and while part of it is presumably because he’s had charge of her as her camp group leader since the beginning, it’s also clear that the recent events in the Digital World are weighing on him in their own way, as are Shin’s words about finding his own path.

What he wanted to tell her was this: that he didn’t see any likelihood of co-existing with the Dark Masters, and that they had no other choice but to fight them. Even a neutral country like Switzerland had a military. They would be invaded by enemy countries without one. It would be nice and ideal if they used the nonviolent resistance approach as Ghandi did. But that didn’t mean it was okay to just be killed without lifting a finger… But not even he could find a good answer.

QUESTION: Under what circumstances is it okay to battle?

That sort of question would never appear on a school test, and he’d never once thought about it before…

But on their way, Jou and Mimi encounter Ogremon and Leomon, and for the first time, Jou’s peripheral knowledge of medicine from his father starts having a practical use -- up until then, “becoming a doctor” had only been something that he’d been following for a vague sense of status that he didn’t even want, but here, Jou starts to see the connection between that goal and what it would mean for what he wants: to be able to help people right in front of him. Shortly after, when Leomon’s death turns out to involve injuries beyond that a sixth-grader can take care of with his limited supplies (”toilet paper won’t fix this!”), Jou is suddenly hit with a certain sense of reality: if Jou wants to truly help others, there is much more of a skillset he’s going to need to gather in order to do so.

So by the time of Adventure episode 50, Shin’s words now weigh so much on Jou that he’s even dreaming about them, and he finally internalizes those words of “everyone taking their own path”. In short, this is Jou acknowledging that fighting isn’t the only way to meaningfully contribute -- after all, Mimi has a severe aversion to fighting or seeing more casualties and thus can better meaningfully contribute by gathering allies to work together, while Taichi and Koushirou are directly in the front lines.

Jou, ostensibly, decides to go off and find Yamato, but there’s another layer under this: Jou admits that he’s not very strong, so much to the point that he doesn’t think Gomamon will reach Ultimate, and feels like there should be “something only he can do”. The full answer to what Jou started touching on here, and what he ends up doing thereafter, is stated in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

When we were in the Digital World last summer, many of the Digimon got injured and died. I couldn’t do anything for them, even though I was a doctor’s son. I don’t want to ever feel useless again! Not when someone is hurt in front of me. The Digital World doesn’t have a doctor. They need someone who’ll be able to heal them. Even now, I carry around a simple first-aid kit just in case the Gate opens again. Because of it, my bag is always crammed. And my arms are becoming muscular. [laughs] Really! By the way, I have a problem. Of course, I’ll be doing regular doctor studies, but I’ll be treating Digimon, you know? Don’t you think I’ll need to study veterinary medicine too in order to heal them? 

And thus, Jou finds the all-important link that actually motivates him to want to become a doctor -- the one thing that had always been a constant about Kido Jou was that he could not leave people behind when they needed help right in front of him. Or in other words, he has a marvelous case of Good Samaritan syndrome (a whole eleven years before Kudou Taiki, at that!). “Feeling useless” is pretty much on the very, very top of the list of things he hates the most. And, by his own admission, “fighting” is not really his specialty, and he doesn’t even particularly like it himself.

But he wants to meaningfully contribute in some way, and now, here’s an option that isn’t fighting: he has the roots in a talent for treating the wounded and preventing casualties that way. All he has to do is hone it. And just like how Shin decided that he specifically wanted to be a doctor in a place where a doctor would be needed most, Jou also decides he specifically wants to be a doctor for the Digital World, because that is something he can meaningfully provide for instead of becoming a doctor for the status.

He’s still going to disappoint his father this way, but never mind that: he’s found something that he wants, and it’s his own path, like Shin told him to follow. And yes, that means even if he has to fight his own blood phobia to do so.

And this becomes very important to how he’s able to confidently help bring Sora out of her darkness-induced spiel in Adventure episode 51, where she -- who has a problem with a compulsive tendency to burn herself out in helping others -- starts falling into despair because she caves to the pressure of having to save everyone. Yamato and Jou, together, simply re-shift her frame of mindset: it’s not that being a Chosen Child is about trying and failing to fulfill a particular duty, it’s that there’s a situation happening and they are actively making the choice to do everything they can. Because, really, Jou himself understands it best -- he’s never been someone good at doing things because other people tell him to, he’s someone who’s gotten this far because of his own personal sense of responsibility and priorities being so strong, and that’s why he’s capable of pushing on with his own path and what he wants.

02 and beyond

Jou was, unfortunately, forced to sit out the events of Our War Game!, but as far as blaming him for it goes, it’s really hard to; he had no idea this was going on at all, and by the time the incident had hit climax, he was already in the test room and impossible to be contacted. (You can imagine he was probably quite upset about not having been able to help out afterwards.) As for why nobody tries to pull him out the way they do end up pulling him aside a few times in 02, it’s because this isn’t just a practice exam for prep school -- this is THE exam. Remember, this kind of lifestyle involves a chain of needing to get into a good school to get into a good school to get into a good school, and Jou is aiming for a national university like his brothers; this actually could impact the rest of his career, and given that the other kids respect how important this is to him, it’s also understandable that they’d be a bit hesitant to pull him aside from this.

We’re first properly reintroduced to Jou in 02 episode 5. Unlike Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, Jou does not attend Odaiba Middle School, which means that, assuming that the Adventure universe Odaiba is like the real-life one in which Odaiba (Koyo) Elementary and Middle are the only schools on the island, Jou regularly spends his school and prep school days off the island and quite separated from the others. Instead, Jou attends a private middle school (hence why he had to take an exam to get in), presumably one that’s intended to help him on the medical school track.

But despite that, his first major scene in the series is to ditch prep school to go help Gomamon. For someone who doesn’t know Jou very well, this probably would seem appalling -- that someone so studious would be so willing to ditch at the drop of a hat -- but anyone who does know him well would probably not be surprised; after all, “being a doctor” is still a far-off dream, whereas Gomamon needs help now, and the number one thing Jou can’t stand is to leave people in need behind.

Unlike with Taichi, Yamato, Sora, and Koushirou, who all have some degree of connection to the 02 juniors in some way (Taichi and Yamato being Hikari and Takeru’s brothers, Taichi and Sora having known Daisuke from the soccer club, and Koushirou having known Miyako from the soccer club), Jou is a complete stranger when he’s introduced to Daisuke, Miyako, and Iori, with Digimon-related work being the only connection they have to him at all. Despite that, the new 02 kids, being well-behaved juniors who really look up to their elders, immediately endear themselves well to him -- in fact (you can thank @takerusfedora​ for this observation), Miyako squishing Poromon in delight upon seeing him, and the context she usually does this in, hints that she might even see him as attractive. (Considering that he’s a prospective medical student from an elite family, this probably shouldn’t be too surprising.)

While the fact he’s medical school bound isn’t explicitly brought up in the series itself, the fact he’s well on that path is already pretty evident by his actions, given that he comes stocked with heating pads and other medical supplies, just in case. Takeru comments on him always being prepared -- because he’s constantly thinking of other people and how he can be useful to them.

This episode also marks the beginning of a particular relationship between Jou and Iori, which is quite an interesting one considering that we’re talking about the oldest and the youngest of the group of eleven (not quite twelve yet) Tokyo Chosen Children at this point. As many point out even within this episode, Jou and Iori have a lot in common, and it’s likely Jou sees a bit of himself in Iori -- someone who has a firm insistence on principles (even beyond the point of practicality), but also is protective of others and hates to see them hurt. Not only that, Iori had even gotten a similar lesson from his grandfather earlier in the episode about the importance of “making one’s own decisions” -- and so, the two share common ground in Iori having ditched his “duty” to practice kendo with his grandfather that day in order to help Gomamon, and Jou having done likewise via ditching his prep school classes. Because Iori will always have more kendo lessons, and this certainly won’t be the last prep school class Jou has, but these are effectively two kindred spirits who care so much about friends in need that prioritizing them over all else is non-negotiable.

Jou compliments Iori by calling him “dependable”, which is a huge compliment coming from someone who, at this point of the story, regularly attracts comments like “dependable senior”. 02-era Jou gets this kind of reference a lot in press materials and fan descriptions of him, because now that he’s matured a bit and isn’t as prone to making ridiculous, reckless decisions or being as emotionally high-strung, his on-point aspects like being very on-task and always keeping his word are much more visible.

Well, that said, he still kind of starts screaming loudly as soon as he hears his dad is supposedly in trouble in the middle of his exam in 02 episode 16, so he’s still a little emotionally high-strung. But never mind that!

As usual (especially since this is most likely a practice exam, one of many Jou will be taking for the next year), Jou doesn’t mind being interrupted all that much; it’s not like exams are any fun anyway, so of course Jou doesn’t really care about being pulled from it, especially when Daisuke and the others are literally suffocating to death at that exact moment.

Unfortunately, for Iori, this entire incident is a convergence of things totally eating away at his psyche; he’s still blaming himself for everyone being trapped down there, he’s just placed a burden on Jou, and his grandfather had just said that lying is the worst thing that one could ever do, so now Iori thinks of himself a horrible, undeserving person. But Jou is someone who empathizes with being so stuck on “principles” that you forget the big picture, and reframes it in a way Iori can understand: lies are bad when they hurt people, but in this case, not lying would have led to much, much worse happening, and both Iori and Jou share that common ground of absolutely hating the feeling of standing by and doing nothing while others are in trouble.

We also finally meet the third (or, technically, second) Kido brother in 02 episode 33, Kido Shuu -- and while we don’t see him interact directly with Jou (at least, not until the drama CD), what we learn about him contextualizes Jou’s situation even further: Shuu not only decided to leave the path of inheriting his father’s clinic, he’d also decided to ditch the medical school path entirely, switching to humanities because he was so fascinated by Professor Takenouchi’s work. That’s a pretty drastic shift, but, as Shin had said in the novel, Shuu is the type to be independent enough to do whatever he wants without Shin even having to advise him of this, and given that he made this decision less than a year after the events of Adventure, it was likely a huge motivator in Jou deciding that their prior “example” of being medical students wasn’t necessarily something he needed to follow when both of his own brothers weren’t even following that standard anymore to begin with.

And, much like with Jou, Shuu’s new chosen profession also brings him closer to the Digimon, except in an “understanding more about them” sense rather than Jou’s medical sense. So, just like Shin wanted, all three brothers found their own paths.

In Diablomon Strikes Back, Jou is thankfully blessed with being much more available to deal with the conflict; he starts off stuck in a long line to register for high school in the midst of scrambled records, but comes to assist Daisuke and Ken with a bike as soon as he’s able. This movie being quite the comedic one, you get to see a bit of his disaster tendencies slip back in as he scrambles to help everyone -- but, as always, he’s doing his best.

A lot of people have also pointed out that the movie spends an awful amount of scenes depicting him in the company of the girl he borrowed the bike from, which has led to a few amusing extrapolations, but at the base level implies that he at the very least wanted to make absolute sure that her bike was safely returned to her once everything is over -- after all, Jou would hate to be responsible for someone losing a bike, or in debt to someone. He’s someone who fulfills his obligations, after all.

By the time Jou actually is in medical school in Kizuna, he truly has become among the crowd too busy to participate regularly in Digimon incident tackling (similar to Sora and Mimi), but To Sora indicates that he’s still keeping tabs on everyone through their group chat and emotionally supporting them, and it’s made clear in both the short and the overall movie that the rest of the group is sympathetic to and understanding of how difficult life is to juggle with all of this. Not only that, much like how Jou stated back in Adventure that he was looking for a way to meaningfully contribute and help out besides just fighting, Jou plays an important role in using his position to tend to all of the Eosmon kidnapping victims.

At least, until he ends up becoming a victim himself and is actually dragged into the fight -- and, now that he’s actually on the spot and the conflict is right in front of him, he approaches it with enthusiastic gusto, indicating that he’s still able to be as emotionally high-strung as ever.

We get more info on Jou in his Memorial Story short, “Kido Jou: Medical Student” (which takes place at some unspecified point before the movie), where we learn that Gomamon is still worried about how much that blood phobia thing might impact Jou’s career, and “tests” him by having himself and Agumon pose as mock victims. Jou, very tired and not in a mood to play, snaps at him (rather understandably, given that Gomamon is kind of being a bit insensitive here), but when Gomamon is injured, Jou immediately puts everything aside to help him, even through -- yep -- blood.

Again, it’s not entirely clear how severe Jou’s blood phobia was back when he was a kid, but it’s at least put on the table that Jou’s figured out a way to push past that in order to fulfill his dream, and especially when it involves a loved one being hurt in front of him. Jou tires himself out pretty badly with the work, but hey -- he used to jump recklessly into physical line of fire for his friends, so of course that kind of thing is nothing to him. (But he still apparently is a bit lacking in the confidence department.)

Because Jou was lucky enough to be able to concretely decide on what he wanted to do as early as elementary school, Jou’s epilogue career is naturally the single most straightforward, and really just amounts to “you know that thing he wanted to do? He did it.” And indeed, he becomes the Digital World’s first doctor -- presumably not inheriting his father’s clinic, nor following a high-status expected path, but choosing to become a pioneer in a place he has a deep emotional stake in, in a place where he’s needed because there are no alternatives. And, of course, he’s depicted treating Ogremon, who was effectively Jou’s first “patient” all the way in Adventure, the first step in him realizing that this was his path, and his alone.

Meta

Jou occupies an interesting position in the Digimon fanbase in terms of memes, considering that there’s a fanbase meme of over a decade where anything relevant to him gets people spamming “JOOOOOOOOOOOOO” (with varying levels of Os). Being a comedic but lovable character who tries his hardest but repeatedly runs himself into a corner, he also happens to resonate much harder with the adults in the audience rewatching the series, because all of us as disaster adults can just so easily look at him and go “oh, that’s me.” He also seems to be inexorably tied to the word “senpai”, given that so many characters call him that (including the 02 kids, who never went to school with him); after a certain point it’s hard to dispute that he (especially in 02) exudes this kind of “dependable senior” aura, and, like with “Ken-chan”, the Japanese fanbase has a tendency to constantly use “Jou-senpai” all of the time to refer to him affectionately.

His Japanese voice actor, Kikuchi Masami, also holds the distinction of having been in nearly every Digimon TV series to date (the only exception, as of this writing, being Appmon), with him having been Jou (and Jou’s entire family of two brothers, his mother, and his father) in Adventure and 02, Dolphin and Grani in Tamers, Neemon in Frontier and Adventure:, Kurata in Savers, and Damemon in Xros Wars. (Him being the absolutely despicable Kurata in contrast to the endearing and lovable Jou has been cited as quite a shock to many.) There’s been many a joke about Kikuchi’s constant presence, but Jou is undeniably his most iconic role for the franchise, and you can also imagine it’s conversely gotten a lot of people to fondly think of him every time Kikuchi reappears.

[plutoswrath]

i’m back again because i want to ask again for other cool cartoon characters risings like avatar the last airbender ones or even teen titans ones. or just any characters you’re fond of. i always thought azula was cancer/scorpio and zuko was aries/scorpio. i’ve put an unhealthy amount of thought into those two because i wanted to calculate their home life/ic while i did it. azula with cancer and libra ic makes sense just due to her being more spoiled. scorpio makes less sense to me when using the ic method for her so i basically just convinced myself it’s cancer. when using the ic method with zuko, aries makes 50/50 sense because he was babied but the rest of his familial relationships were yikes. he could also very well be libra ic too because he has some really harmonious relationships with a select few of his family and then some REALLY bad ones mixed in. it’s balanced out like that. i just realized that i basically just assumed you’ve seen atla and that’s rather presumptuous of me. so feel free to ignore this lmao.

An ask about Avatar….,,,.excellent 🤌🤌🤌

Very nice observations from your side here, while we’re at it, let’s stay a while with Azula and Zuko!

I think considering their IC/MC axis here is really important and helpful as well with these two. Zuko and Azula both grew up in the same home, but while Zuko had a good connection to his mother and bad one to his father, Azula had a bad connection with her mother and thus was more even more focused on her father and followed his steps.

I think Zuko could be a Leo/Scorpio/Cancer Ascendant. Leo Ascendant because his whole journey revolves around rebuilding his reputation and thus focuses a lot on his relationship with his own ego. He comes from a family that forced him into ultimate survival mode and made him dependent on the power of others, there were a lot of secrets he had to uncover. His self image and self worth is really damaged, he comes across as stubborn, fixed, team avatar is barely able to talk him out of his rigid perception and ideas of how people are, how connections are ought to be, even though all he is is deeply hurt inside. In the end, he values peace and harmonious connections. On the other hand, an Aries Rising would push him to become an individual that values taking responsibility and a Cancer rising would explain his aggressive and ‘lone wolf, get out of my way’ behavior: his story of being an autonomous individual went from being self righteous and motivated by ‘becoming strong’ to someone independent from the judgement of his family, able to form and decide his own path.

Azula could be a Scorpio rising because of her exposure to secrets but also many intrigues in her childhood, there was no ‘order’ and many liars/trainers that only revealed themselves after a while (Pisces IC: revealing the truth sparely over time in families), and now she tries to create ‘the right thing’ and order and just with her father together by dictatorship (Virgo MC). Which for me btw is also very funny because due to Azula ending up alone and being deceived by the ideologies of her father she slowly falls back into a messy, chaos state (Pisces IC) which she so desperately wanted to eliminate by following the only thing that’s right (following Ozai). I also get why she could be a Cancer Ascendant with an Aries MC, an Aries Ascendant with a Capricorn MC, but I can also kinda see her being a Libra rising with a Capricorn IC and Cancer MC because her family required her to be autonomous and cold/cruel from an early age on and she adapted to it and now follows her fathers credo, and actually is quiet manipulative, especially when it comes to Zuko. She keeps reminding him of her family ‘back then’ and once even lured him back to her only to reveal. That deep down she is still the same, duty oriented person.I think actually a Scorpio MC with Taurus IC kinda make sense with her closed off, manipulative nature on the surface and her being spoiled by/the golden child her father in her childhood buuuut I personally have a harder time seeing her as an Aquarius Ascendant.

I think uncle Iroh can be a Taurus Rising with an Aquarius MC and Leo IC or Sagittarius Rising with an Aries IC and Libra MC - he was feared and came from a place of pure destruction and egotism (which he was very popular and praised for by his nation) but came to be a person that changed his perspective and was eager to be a person preaching of harmony and the cycle and symbiosis between the elements and energies/people on earth. I think Uncle Iroh could have his Sun (especially if he’s a Sagittarius, which he btw always was for me) or Jupiter conjunct his MC. Or he is a Pisces Rising with a Sagittarius MC, I think Iroh’s big mentor energy and the wisdom as well as huge transformation he went through in his life stick out the most for me. Due to to the transformational aspect in his life he could also have the potential to have very prominent Scorpio/8th house in his chart paired with the other signs I listed above!

Katara could very well be a Cancer Sun with a Cancer MC, seriously she carries big Cancer energy and the fact that they lost both their parents and had to be self sufficient and grow up on their own quickly (little to no time to truly process their feelings) and she taking over the role of the mother naturally speaks for this. She's very sensitive to keeping a harmonious vibe in team avatar, but yet she's also not blind to any mistreatments and injustice. She tries to mainatain a balance of kind and strict. Also, with Capricorn as her 4th house it would explain why she's seen as serious, even unfunny, by team avatar, those that know her pretty well and actually get a glimpse of her IC nature. I kinda can see her having her Ascendant and MC/Sun in an Aquarius degree as well.

Aang for me is very young at heart, childlike and seems to like being in the presence with others and thus for me always carried a Leo IC (due to circumstances he also received a lot of attention from others and was either hated or liked for his reputation/character growing up because he faced a lot of jealousy/mistreatment from his peers as well). I think despite the fact that we quiet literally watch Aang having to become an adult in his early years, he is someone who has to act for the greater good regarding the danger human kind faces and the responsibility he carries (which also contradicts his peaceful nature) are enormous but due to that he always seemed to be an Aquarius MC for me, a bearer and symbol of change and philanthropy. And a Taurus Ascendant would make sense especially if he’s an air Sun (as I always imagine him).

I need to think a bit more thoroughly about Toph and Sokka (also even though I watched the serious probably around a thousand times I want to reread Sokka's and Toph's story arc again before getting back at their possible Ascendant!) feel free to share your thoughts! x

[mysteriouslytransparentwitch]

5 unexpected exercises to regain self-esteem (it's a translation)

Self-esteem ... a bit of a fuzzy psychological concept for most of us. Yet we are all aware that low self-esteem can have devastating consequences in our lives.

Something not to be taken lightly then ...

Especially since it can directly impact your eating habits.

Are there solutions to increase your self-esteem?

Fortunately, the answer is "Yes"!

In this article, discover 5 easy (and rather unexpected) exercises to regain self-esteem.

If you tend to devalue yourself, then trust me, these exercises are a must!

A word of advice ... stick with it until the end because I will offer you a recognized test to assess your level of self-esteem at the end of this article.

This will allow you to know where you are and also to re-evaluate yourself shortly after performing the exercises regularly.

Pin it What is self-esteem? According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is "a term for the judgment or assessment made of an individual in relation to their own worth. ”

In other words, self-esteem refers to "how we see ourselves, how we assess our worth".

When we talk about self-esteem, we are therefore talking about the look and value judgment that we have on ourselves (and which does not necessarily have to do with the skills that we may have. ).

When self-esteem is positive, it allows you to:

➖ Feel good about yourself,

➖ Face the difficulties and trials of life,

➖ Take control over your actions.

You feel capable of accomplishing your goals and getting through to your projects.

You are determined!

A bit like putting on a super heroine costume ...

You are ready to challenge all obstacles!

Whereas negative self-esteem makes it really very difficult to take action and accept your mistakes.

You feel helpless in the face of events in your life. Demotivation sets in ... You feel incapable, weak, basically completely zero ...

As you can see, self-esteem is inextricably linked with the assessment of one's own skills.

If she is weak and fragile, it will be difficult for you to feel competent. Failures in your life will reinforce the lack of self-esteem and increase your feeling of worthlessness ...

And if that weren't enough, if you have low self-esteem, unfortunately you will tend to attract so-called "toxic" people 😬.

You know those “vampires” thirsty for the affection and energy of others?

These people know very well how to spot and take advantage of your weakness, if you are psychologically fragile.

Do you lack self-esteem?

Don't be surprised when you find yourself in toxic and demeaning relationships.

It makes sense when you think about it, since deep down inside you think you don't deserve better ...

So self-esteem is related to others? Indeed, positioning yourself in relation to others is one of the fundamental factors that allows you to adjust your self-esteem.

We all naturally tend to self-assess by comparing ourselves to others.

Whether in the professional or academic field (skills), but also on our physical aspect, in the material field (wealth and social rank), in our emotional and family successes or failures ...

If comparing yourself to others really weighs in with your self-esteem, so does the way others look at you.

Feeling loved and appreciated weighs heavily.

Finally, studies show that skills and performance are not necessarily good indicators of high self-esteem.

For example, students who are popular with their peers often have much higher self-esteem than students who are good in class (even if their academic performance is poor).

Self-esteem is therefore more linked to relationship aspects.

Moreover, parental attitude and style of education play a crucial role in the development of a child's self-esteem.

Supportive and caring parents will help their children to have high self-esteem even compared to overbearing or neglectful parents.

So you know what to do if you want to help your children not suffer from low self-esteem!

Speak encouraging, respectful words, show them affection, care and gratitude when they succeed in certain tasks that they deem important.

The impact of low self-esteem on diet: If you suffer from low self-esteem, you must also be feeling bad about yourself… Logical!

This is unfortunately part of the packaging as we have seen previously.

The risk of falling into depression is also much greater.

If your self-esteem is low, you also risk developing anxiety disorders and addictive behaviors (excessive consumption of sugar, chocolate, screens, etc.)

Feeling bad about yourself, devaluing yourself, thinking that you do not deserve the love and appreciation of others is THE main factor that leads to developing eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, or overeating.

The negative impact on all daily life is therefore very significant.

Really, don't take this aspect of your life lightly.

If you think you lack self-esteem, I suggest you perform these 5 very simple little exercises inspired by Positive Psychology, daily.

Do not underestimate them, it could really improve many facets of your life!

How do you improve your self-esteem?

1 / Self-awareness exercise A great sage said:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that's why it's called the present" (the mothers here will probably recognize this very ... literary reference! and no one laughs at my references 😂)

Becoming aware of yourself is the first link that allows you to develop your self-esteem. This is why I suggest you start with this exercise.

➡️ Every morning, take time to relax.

Preferably, before checking your emails, Instagram notifications, Facebook etc ... which only pollute your brain unnecessarily.

➡️ Take a notebook or journal.

Take 3 minutes to close your eyes for a moment and reflect on what you are feeling like emotions, sensations and feelings at that moment.

Do you feel sad, happy, tired, energetic, motivated, anxious…?

➡️ Write this in your journal without going into judgment or analysis.

Just try to write down as much detail as possible about how you are feeling physically and psychologically at this moment.

2 / Exercise on self-acceptance: Another aspect that goes hand in hand with self-esteem: self-acceptance.

It is necessary that you learn to support yourself rather than blame yourself. Encourage yourself, value yourself.

To help you accept yourself, there's nothing like asking your loved ones about your qualities and what they like about you.

➡️ Write all of this in your notebook and reread it whenever you feel you are devaluing yourself.)

Also take the time to remember your successes, the highlights of your life.

What are you particularly proud of? What can you rejoice in?

The exercise that I am offering you here to better accept yourself but also and above all your destiny (the Decree of Allah) is therefore to write down every evening 10 things that have made you happy during the day.

10 things for which you are grateful to Allah عز و جال.

By asking these questions to your consciousness, even if you are in a "bad mood", your brain will be forced to search for the answers.

This will force you to focus on the positive rather than your worries and trials, which can often seem more important to you than they really are, if you have low self-esteem.

Remember, glorifying Allah عز و جال and praising Him in all circumstances are part of the believer's duty, which will bring her the satisfaction of her Lord but also inner peace.

3 / stop comparing yourself to others Do you want to please me?

Focus on your own goals and stop comparing yourself to others!

You did not start at the same time as the others, nor do you have the same background, the same tests, and even less the same qualities and skills ...

So I am going to offer you a rather funny exercise here, you will see ...

This must have already happened ...

You are busy but silent and then you find yourself talking to yourself (internally or out loud, it depends on the seriousness of your case 😂):

"Bint Fulana is more beautiful, more intelligent, and in addition she kept a flat stomach despite her pregnancies ... She raises her children better than me, and then you have to face reality, she is also more pious because she knows the Koran by heart and not I, she often goes to meetings, while I rarely manage to do so with all my obligations at home… " Does that remind you of someone?

This little voice does not wish you any good! Be aware of this.

She just wants to make you feel guilty.

And if you listen to it, you are going to put pressure on yourself.

You'll never feel up to it and it might end badly.

Because what's the point of comparing yourself to people who have paths and personalities totally different from yours? It doesn't make sense, don't you think?

So ... once you realize this, I suggest you name that part of yourself that is trying to make you feel guilty!

As if she was a whole person… and above all, find him a very ridiculous little name.

The next time you find yourself having this kind of "inner talk," don't hesitate to call him out:

“Here is Medusa (or Cruella) coming!” (no you won't have dissociative personality disorder!)

You will see. This exercise will gradually lessen the weight of that bad voice on your self-esteem by ridiculing it and minimizing its impact on you.

You will also be more able to become aware of these internal discourses which have no benefit for your "sanity".

Don't laugh it really works, trust me!

4 / Exercise to increase self-love: By increasing your love for yourself, it will boost your self-esteem. And for that, you really have to learn to take care of yourself.

Think about ... what actions can you take each day to experience happiness, pleasure or take care of yourself?

So take your nice little notebook or journal every morning.

And, after performing the 1st exercise, think about the moments, actions or situations that have given you well-being and satisfaction during the last 7 days?

How did you feel ?

➡️ Write down what these situations or activities are and try to reproduce them as often as possible.

It can be very simple things like having breakfast in peace when everyone is still asleep, relaxing with a good bath, visiting your sister, spending time with your husband, doing a painting activity with your child. .

You should see a marked improvement in your mental state over time.

5 / Exercise to enhance the self-image: "Self-image is an individual's representation of themselves, including the physical aspect as well as the psychological one."

As this aspect is purely cognitive, it is easy to "reprogram" your brain to further enhance your self-esteem.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, we talk about cognitive restructuring.

Your mental images and thoughts depend on the cognitive process of processing information, although you may not always be aware of it.

By focusing on your cognitive patterns and dysfunctional beliefs, you can try to change the processes that cause you to think badly about yourself.

So my exercise is to try to modify these bad automatic thoughts by finding alternative thoughts that will improve your emotions and your self-image.

I'm talking about the famous positive affirmations!

➡️ Every morning, take your little notebook and after doing exercises 1 and 4,

Write down one or two positive affirmations, which you will repeat aloud at least 10 times, then as often as possible throughout the day.

Remember, we are talking about positive statements, so there shouldn't be any negative words in your sentence.

For example, you can start your sentences with:

"I am …"

"I want …"

"I can …"

"I like …"

Here are some ideas:

"I accept myself as I am",

"I love me as Allah created me",

“I am able بإذن الله to carry out my projects”,

“I am different and unique and this difference is my strength”…

And so you don't forget to repeat your positive affirmations, some apps can allow you to schedule notifications of your favorite positive affirmations at different times of the day.

Warning. This exercise will only be effective if it is repeated regularly, until your brain has fully integrated and accepted these statements as “truth”.

Here are the girls, for the 5 exercises that will help you regain your self-esteem.

Do you want to know if these exercises are really effective?

Ok. I suggest you take this little test which will allow you to assess your level of self-esteem.

This is a recognized test. It was developed by Morris Rosenberg, a sociologist. This scale is the most used by psychologists nowadays to assess the level of self-esteem, so it can be considered reliable.

To perform the TEST, click on this link: [FREE ROSENBERG TEST]

[itsclydebitches]

Do you think Ruby will kill Grimm!Summer and if so, how do you think that will clash with her objection to killing Penny?

I think it's all going to hinge on a) how the story portrays Ruby reacting to Jaune in Volume 9 and b) what sort of shape grimm!Summer is in.

First, they may not have Ruby kill Summer at all. And I don't just mean that the plot will twist to ensure someone else has to (somehow, without silver eyes) do the deed because she's unavailable, thereby freeing her of that hard choice — precisely like how Ruby was conveniently in the void by the time Penny needed to die. Rather, Summer might still be able to be saved. Many (myself included) have theorized that if Ruby's eyes destroy grimm and grimm only, she might be able to destroy the portion of a grimm that possess a person (for lack of a better word), leaving the rest of them intact. That's mostly come up in Salem discussions — could Ruby remove the influence of the grimm pool, leaving human!Salem behind? — but now that same question applies to Summer too. When she used her eyes on the Hound we saw the grimm part of him get stripped away, revealing the faunus underneath, before the goo of the grimm started Venom-creeping back over the rest of him. If Ruby could give off a more powerful blast, perhaps she could erase the grimm portion entirely, all in one go, sort of akin to how they won the geist fight in Volume 4. Hit it harder, all at once, until after a single blow only the core of the beast remains. In each case the grimm would leave the thing it possessed.

So that's Option B: is Summer in a state where it's possible for her to recover in some way? How deep do these grimm experiments go, are silver eyes capable of destroying the grimm without killing the person? How much of the original Summer would be left without the grimm parts? etc. etc. Lots of questions we don't have any answers to. Option A, however, comes up if we're given a scenario where Summer is beyond hope. She's a grimm now, no way to fix it, killing her is seen as a mercy. And that, I think, is the crucial difference. Ruby unequivocally said no to killing Penny... but Penny also wasn't presented as having to die. It's one of the rare moments in the volume where I 100% agree with what Ruby is saying. Penny has been hacked, her order is to open the vault, and then she's set to self-destruct. So how does killing her benefit anyone in anyway? They obviously want to save Penny, so all killing her at the manor would do is hurry the self-destruct along, the thing they want to stop. They want to keep the Maiden powers safe, but killing her might risk sending them off into the world, lost, or even wind up with Cinder if her attempts to steal them formed any connection. Obviously we know now that the powers didn't go to Cinder, that Penny was able to think of Winter and send them to her, but my point is that just killing her then is a HUGE risk. Finally, there's no real danger in opening the vault. I mean yeah, they don't want Ironwood to get the staff... but like, he just wants to leave. If Ironwood were planning to use the staff to, idk, decimate all of Atlas I can understand the group considering killing Penny to be worth avoiding the potential death of an entire kingdom, but there's no threat to anyone if Ironwood does somehow snag the relic. The only threat here is that opening the vault will allow Salem to get the relic instead, but the group decides to open the vault anyway. Penny is basically going, "If you don't kill me now then I'll open the vault, which will lead to Ironwood escaping Salem with a large portion of the kingdom and standing down from his bomb threat, and then I'll die!" So you want them to kill you to avoid... other people not dying? And you want to die so you don't... die?

It's absolute nonsense.

This is basically a long-winded way of saying that killing Penny in that moment wouldn't benefit the good guys in any way, shape, or form. The fact that Penny suggests it at all is monumentally stupid. It's a Deep, Dramatic Moment that makes absolutely no sense. "You have to kill me!" she cries... even though killing her does nothing good, likely does a whole lot of bad, and absolutely does a Big Bad by hurrying along one of the major things everyone is trying to prevent: Penny's death.

Of course Ruby said no. That's the smartest Ruby is in the whole volume.

But when Jaune is faced with the question? Well, it's meant to be a very different context. I've gone on the record multiple times as saying that the show did a HORRIBLE job of justifying the need to kill Penny, but I also recognize that we're supposed to believe that was the best option on the table. Unlike at the manor, Penny's death does achieves something here: giving her the ability keep the powers safe. It's also presented as inevitable: Penny will (supposedly) die regardless, so better that she die when she chooses, preventing Cinder from getting more power, then dying in a few minutes with more risks attached. The manor death had nothing going for it. The finale death — no matter how badly executed — is meant to be justified to some extent, whether we personally agree it or not. We're still meant to realize, "Yeah, Penny is dying, no way to avoid it, so killing her will at least help keep the power out of Cinder's hands and will give her some agency over the time she has left." It's still stupid, but it's a "You wrote this scene really badly" stupid rather than a "This entire concept is nonsensical" stupid.

So Ruby has never actually been in Jaune's position. For all her insistence that she won't let anyone die, Ruby has never actually been in a scenario where killing someone would do the most good for the world, or would put someone out of their misery, or would give them some agency over their own existence — all the things that Penny's death is (again) supposed to represent. We don't know what she'd choose if death was inevitable and she was faced with providing a "kinder" death, or what she'd choose if a death was, from a practical perspective, presented as the best way forward. That's because right now the story is horribly written and Ruby isn't forced to choose anything, but if they actually brought her back to her Volume 1-5 self, I can easily see her killing her mother as an act of kindness. Summer was turned into a monster by Salem. The very thing she's spent her whole life trying to eradicate. There is no possible, other way to help her. She is a danger to Ruby and all of her friends. Perhaps, if a part of her is still lucid, she expresses that she doesn't want to continue living like this, being the thing she despises, being Salem's tool, being a danger to her daughter. So Ruby kills her as an act of mercy and love. It's presented as a release from a nightmare existence.

But that potential, future characterization depends on whether Ruby understands the choice Jaune made. Again (again, again, again) I think the story did a terrible job writing that scene and that it didn't succeed in justifying the kill, but for the purposes of what I think the story was trying to do, Ruby may well parrot all that back in Volume 9: "Yes, Jaune. Penny was dying and there was no way to save her even though your semblance is healing. There was nothing else you could have done even though you might have gotten her through the portal and saved here there. Killing her then kept the powers safe messy lore aside. You did the right thing, horrible as it was." And that acts as setup for Ruby doing the same thing for Summer later on. Either that, or she's initially furious at Jaune and comes to realize — after some messy and contradictory character arc — that he did the right thing all along and she was just too grief-stricken to realize it. Which I will hate if we get that given how badly it'll all end up lol.

So those are the two theories I'm leaning towards. Either the story, in the fashion of Volume 8, will ensure that Ruby never has to make the hard choice of whether to kill her mom or not (oh god I'm imagining a scene where Yang offers to do it instead as some act of sisterly devotion/a sacrifice so the "pure" sister remains pure no no no no), or Summer's situation is (no doubt just as badly) presented like Penny's second request for death, as a necessary act that Summer wants, will assist the heroes in some way, and is definitely the Best and Only Thing To Do.

Of course, Option C is that this is... just never resolved. It definitely speaks to my lack of faith in RWBY atm, but given how many important things we've dropped I would not be surprised if Summer is never actively introduced into the series again. RWBY may well treat this as the answer to a mystery that never existed until said "answer" arrived, the writers viewing this merely as the explanation of what happened to Summer and nothing more. Don't get me wrong, viewers are 100% right to expect more in the future. This change raises even more questions than were already attached to Summer's disappearance and the existence of the Hound absolutely implies that, in a well written story, grimm!Summer will appear somewhere down the line. But, to be blunt, RWBY is not a well written story. So if some number of years from now we look back and go, "Wow, the answer to how they'll handle this is that they... didn't. This was never brought up in a meaningful way again" I really wouldn't be surprised.

[catherdrashepard]

Red Rising/Persona

I’m a huge fan of the Persona series and pretty much anything Atlus has done. I am ALSO a huge fan of Red Rising (blame that on @hyena-frog) So, the natural conclusion is that I should determine which Persona the main RR POV characters would have. As well as a couple extras. Pictures will be included with credit to the artist when applicable. Please let me know if I forget to credit someone. (https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Persona_5_Royal_Personas) Here is the website I’m using. Spoilers for the first three books and probably a little of Iron Gold. Also a spoiler for the Faith Confidante in Persona 5: Royal. Avoid the Lysander paragraph if you want none of that. Disclaimer: I have not finished Dark Age yet so some of my thoughts might be lacking complete information.

Darrow: The main characters of the Persona series always start with a Persona from the Fool arcana. It doesn’t necessarily stay that way depending on the players personal preference. That being said, Darrow does fit the Fool arcana very well. It’s considered to be the beginning arcana or one without a number. It represents innocence, divine inspiration, madness, freedom, spontaneity, inexperience, chaos and creativity. These traits I think describe Darrow pretty accurately, especially in the first two books. Considering the story revolves around his journey, it makes sense to label him as a character of beginnings. Persona-wise, I think the one that fits Red Rising and Golden Son Darrow would be Satanael. This Persona is basically the equivalent to Lucifer, the angel who led a rebellion against God. But also that isn’t all that Darrow is. I also think the Death arcana is fitting for him, from Morning Star and beyond. Death is an arcana roughly in the middle of the tarot deck and it’s one that represents metamorphosis and change. Literal interpretation aside, Darrow experiences a change in himself after his capture at the end of Golden Son and his rescue in Morning Star. Not to mention, his entire purpose for becoming a Gold in the first place was to provoke a change in the current system of government. For his Death Persona, I would give him Thanatos. Because he’s my favourite, but also he’s considered the harbinger of death. Perfect for the Reaper. I don’t think Darrow completely loses Satanael in favour of Thanatos; I could definitely see him using both depending on the circumstance.

Virginia/Mustang: By Persona standards, because Mustang is Darrow’s main love interest, she would be the Lovers arcana. However, and this was incredibly difficult because she could really fit more acana, I think she could be both the Judgement and the Empress arcana. The Judgement arcana, I feel, fits her Sovereign persona (ha). It’s associated with a deep understanding of life, a balance of light and darkness, and characters who are well-aware, and intelligent. Not that this doesn’t fit her in her private life as well, but it seems more prevalent in her dealings as the Sovereign. The second arcana is the Empress. This one is more associated with mothers and women of authority. As we saw in the first trilogy, she went to great lengths to protect her family, i.e., working for Octavia, being with Cassius, the whole incident in Lykos. Choosing her Persona is tricky, mostly because Personas can shift arcana depending which game they are pulled from. I think the one to go with is Astarte. This is more of a feeling rather than definitive “proof”. She is identified as the goddess of war, hunting, love, sex, horses and possibly the morning star; her symbols are thought to be the lion, panther, and an eight pointed star. This is also the ultimate Persona of Haru in Persona 5, who awakens her initial Persona in defiance of her father and his corruption, which also feels apt. That being said, Astarte is from the Empress arcana and I could not find a Judgement arcana Persona that I felt fit her well enough.

Credit for the picture of Astarte to: Machia McMadlass on Amino

Sevro: Sevro was very easy to choose a Persona for. One in particular stood out to me. I think Sevro could fit both the Fool arcana and the Devil arcana. I think the aspects of the Fool that Sevro embodies are the madness, freedom, spontaneity, and creativity. The Devil arcana represents the urge to do selfish, impulsive, violent things. However, it also can represent a healthy bond and commitment.  Sevro is a wild card from the beginning, killing Priam in the first book being a prime example. Both he and Darrow were very unexpected successes in the Institute. This is something that also describes the protagonists in the Persona games as well. They all just kind of show up out of nowhere and completely shift the paradigm, especially in Personas 3&5. As for the Devil arcana, Sevro reminds me of the Devil confidante in Persona 5. Their goals are not the same, but both characters are very focused on what they want and make every effort to push through despite any obstacles in the way. As for the Persona, the one I chose was sort of picked for superficial reasons; Bugbear. Its name comes from the Celtic word bugs which means evil spirit or goblin. It’s also considered to be something of a boogeyman, a creature that lurked in the woods to scare children. Also, it’s essentially a stuffed bear filled with skulls, which seems to fit Sevro’s weird tastes.

Victra: With Victra, one arcana stuck out in my mind immediately, the Chariot. This arcana represents victory, conquest, self-assertion, self-confidence, control, war, and command. When first introduced to Victra, she does seem very sure of herself and what she wants. She strikes me as a shoot first and ask questions later type, which is something she has in common with the video game characters who share this arcana. Like Sevro, she could also fit the Devil arcana, especially during certain events in Dark Age that she pursues very single-mindedly. Although, I would say Victra is more Devil leaning than Sevro. As for the Persona, I think Pazuzu would fit her style pretty well. What really struck me as fitting Victra was the description of Pazuzu as an evil spirit that drives away other evil spirits, and protects humans from plagues and misfortunes. Also, despite trying to stick with the arcana placements of Persona 5 Royal, I think it’s worth noting that Pazuzu was summoned by a character in Devil Survivor who seeks revenge for death of a loved one.

Cassius: While perusing the arcana descriptions, the one for the Lovers immediately reminded me of Cassius. The Lovers is usually reserved for the “canon” love interest in the games, barring player preferences. However, Dassius jokes aside, what really made me think Cassius is that this arcana symbolises two paths a life could lead to and, standing at a crossroad and needing to make a decision. I think this describes Cassius’ personal journey throughout the books to a T, especially in the climax of Morning Star where he makes the decision to join Darrow in taking out Aja and Octavia. The other arcana that Cassius would be is the Star. This arcana is said to represent hope, self-confidence, faith, altruism, luck, generosity, peace and joy. I feel like self-confidence, faith, and altruism fit pre-end of Morning Star Cassius very well. He was considered the pinnacle of Golds and I think, at least until he learned what was actually going on, that’s all he wanted to be. The game characters with this arcana are teachers or mentors to the protagonist. Characters that are very good at what they do and offer some form of training. A sort of outlier to this is Teddie, from Persona 4. While he does have more experience than the main character dealing with the enemy (both Cassius and Teddie are part of the group the protagonist fights against), Teddie doesn’t take a combative role until later in the game. This is only possible because Rise, who replaces him as support, makes him question his identity or the “real” him. This is very similar to what happens to Cassius in the first three books. Darrow becomes what Cassius thought himself to be and it causes Cassius to question who he really is. Although, unlike Teddie, I think Cassius chose to heavily lean into being the perfect Gold specimen until the end of Morning Star, where he makes a choice to be the “real” Cassius. As for the Persona, I could easily see him with Sraosha, who represents the highest virtue of humanity, obedience to and submission to Divine Law. I think his motivations for using this Persona would change, however. I imagine at first, he would use it to keep the Society functioning how it always does. But, after Morning Star, I bet it would shift to be more about protecting his own ideals and the submission aspect would relate to Cassius’ personal morals and sense of justice.

Lysander: I really wanted to avoid using the arcana that are not present in a standard deck, and added for a specific game. However, one of the arcana that stood out to me for Lysander is the Faith arcana. This arcana symbolises, in the positive, belief in others and in oneself. Negatively, it represents blind faith misplaced in something that does not deserve trust. From what I understand of Lysander’s story, his personal journey seems to mirror that of the game character who shares his arcana. It is revealed later that she is a fake, and her memories were overwritten by another character. I have not finished Dark Age as of writing this but, I am under the strong impression that Lysander has been brainwashed and that some of his memories have been replaced or erased entirely. And while he does have some misgivings about the Society, I believe he is blind to how fucked up it really is. But it also holds potential for Lysander to overcome this indoctrination. I had a bit of trouble with what the second arcana would be but, I think the Moon fits Lysander pretty well. You could say he’s a….Moonie. But in all seriousness, the description that struck me as Lysander-esque was "They often tend to have trouble accepting themselves for who they are and, because of that fear, try to correspond to an ideal person. And like the arcana, there is a hidden depth as to why they act in their behaviours." Lysander was definitely sheltered and isolated, by both Octavia and Cassius (he tried his best). And perhaps by Atalantia to some degree. He is a fed a narrative and doesn’t really get a chance to analyse his own perceptions and why they may be incorrect. The characters of the Moon arcana in the game often struggle internally with themselves which, to be honest, is a trait most of the POV characters have. But what I think Lysander lacks in that case, is self-awareness. As for the Persona, I ended up going with Cendrillon. This Persona is based on Cinderella, which is a little different from some of the other ones. As much as I like to make fun of Lysander for his poor choices, it’s hard not to see him as a victim. I don’t necessarily think he’s a hero or that he’s entitled to the kind of happy ending Cinderella gets. However, I do feel that, like the fairy tale princess, some of his circumstances were as a result of situations that were out of his control. Also, a line really stuck with me from the initial awakening for the Persona that really made me think Lysander; “Well, if those really are the shoes you've chosen... Then we'll dance to the end.”

Ephraim: Ephraim suffers a lot throughout the books, and I feel like that reflects heavily on what arcana he is. I think the first one that fits him well is the Tower arcana, which is associated with a fall from grace. His story reminds me a lot of the Tower social link character in Persona 3. Both Ephraim and the game character lose their family and turn to substance abuse to numb the pain. People of the Tower arcana seems to suffer a lot of internal pain which they fail to cope with healthily and thus turn to less savoury means until and outside force steps in to help steer them in a better direction. The other arcana I believe fits him well is the Hanged Man. What makes me think Ehpraim is that the appearance of the Hanged Man can be seen as advice to take the time to reflect over one's upcoming actions, which is something I think he needs to learn how to do. They can also be self-sacrificial and are often notable for being stuck between two different stages of life. Also, much like the Tower arcana characters, their journey seems to revolve around some kind of loss that they are failing to cope with. As for the Persona….this was a bit tricky. I have a few I like but one comes with a bit reluctance because of how it plays into the plot of Persona 4 and how it would reflect on Ephraim’s character. But, my gut is telling me that Magatsu-Izanagi is the way to go. What is making me think of Ephraim when I see it is the symbolism behind this Persona. It represents emptiness, impulsiveness, poor judgement, obsession and frivolity. There are also some similarities between Ephraim and the character who wields this Persona in Persona 4. They both exhibit little tact and seem to be playing some sort of game with the other characters. However, Adachi (Persona 4 character) seems to do this because he’s a psychopath whereas I think Ephraim is this way as a terrible coping mechanism. In Persona 4, the arcana where this Persona fits in is meant to be the reversed Fool. And while I’m trying to stick with the Persona 5 Royal placements (which for Magatsu-Izanagi is the Tower arcana), I think the implication here is that Ephraim has a lot of potential to be something so great if he can just reverse the path he is going down.

Lyria: I love Lyria. I think she’s a wonderful and interesting character. I love that she highlights the ramifications of undoing a toxic form of government. She gets so much development that it was easy to see what arcana she fit into. The first one I thought of was the Hermit. It represents wisdom, introspection, solitude, retreat and philosophical searches. In the beginning, she has very strong opinions about Darrow and the rest of the Rising. Which is entirely understandable considering her entire way of life was stripped from her without a way to cope with the changes. But, unlike Lysander, she’s willing to re-examine herself and her perceptions as she is presented with new information. She also tends to try and keep under the radar if she can, which is another trait of the Hermit. What’s interesting to me is that other characters of the Hermit arcana are victims of circumstances out of their control, but they see their own victimization as a result of a flaw in their character. The other arcana is very tricky for me, as there are parts of Lyria’s character that I don’t know yet. After much discussion and deliberation with my resident expert, the second arcana for Lyria is the Priestess. This arcana is a symbol of hidden knowledge or other untapped power, wisdom, female mystery and patience. The characters of this arcana also take more time to open up to the protagonist than others. Which also fits Lyria as she needed time and introspection to really understand Darrow and Mustang. As for the Persona, I’m actually going to cheat a little with my choice. I try to keep the arcana placements from Persona 5 Royal but for Lyria, I’m choosing Hariti whose arcana is Priestess in Persona 4 and Persona Q. Hariti is a protector of children and childbirth after going through a significant change in perspective which, from what I understand and have been told, is also something that Lyria does.

[thepeakyfckingblinders]

The Whore || John Shelby x reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested: “11&19 with John boy? cause I miss him “ (I miss him too, my poor heart aches)

Summary:  n.11 & 19 from prompt list: “Please, please, please” + “I’ll burn this fucking place down” Warnings: swearing, a lot of angst, prostitution, nudity, violence, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, misogynistic talk, graphic description of signs of physical abuse

Author’s notes:

Behind each one of these works there are sleepless nights and something really close to multiple mental breakdowns, so, please, take a minute to send me a message about it, I need actual feedbacks to understand how to improve my skills and grow ♡

So, this request’s been in my mind for ages, and even though I’m not happy with its final part ‘cause it sucks, I’m literally obsessed with this idea, I love it so much that I’ll probably write a long fic about it, right after Contagio, but it will depend on you babes, because, first and froemost, I need to know what you think about this piece. ⤟ IMPORTANT

Please, if you’re a victim of any kind of abuse, talk to someone who can help you, nobody should go through something like that alone.⤟ IMPORTANT 

I edited the gif and added the text, it’s not an actual scene from the show, but I thought it could be a good idea, a small detail that could be added to my works. What do you think about it? Pls, let me hear your opinions babeees ⤟ 

I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!

If you want to be added to my tag list, please, directly message me

I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also, please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

Birmingham was somehow silent that night, John noticed the unusually empty streets around him, as his feisty pace easily led him towards a well-known destination, his confident steps resounding in between the damp walls of those sordid blocks made of innumerable overcrowded flats. The unmistakable stench of stagnant urine viciously permeated his nostrils, soon causing a disgusted expression to taint his angelic face, while he avidly took the umpteenth drag of smoke from his Cuban cigar and finally stopped his unceasing walk in front of the most renowned brothel in the entire city. For about three years by then, day after day, his life had been perilously circling the drain: things had got totally out of hand, fate had pitilessly thrown him into profound despair, giving life to an apparently endless spiral of darkness and desolation, which was gradually corroding his fragile self, brutally strangling him, rapaciously plundering each of his already strained vital breaths. And, nevertheless, it was beyond hard to blame him for such catastrophic outcomes, after all, he’d scarcely survived the battlefield, only to find himself with a handful of nothing, left alone to deal with a dead wife and four children to raise on his own, while his guts crawled with excruciating grief and ravenous acrimony for the whole world, having him develop a tendency to self-destruction that was just as concerning as it was well concealed.  As a matter of fact, in spite of his private hell, he still remained a Shelby, and a Shelby wasn’t meant to be soft, nor weak, none of them could afford to succumb to their affliction, never, not for a moment. They had to be invulnerable. 

Or, at least, they had to look invulnerable, for truth was that John was scared, utterly frightened by all those unmerciful changes.  Deep inside he felt like a hopeless, undefended child, forsaken by God and discarded to wander that grim world without any destination other than death and misery, thus his blood boiled with virulence and venom, having his heart clench with blind wrath and his devastated young soul desperately long for sort of any distorted kind of unattached affection. That was basically the main reason why his bed was incessantly warm, or more accurately, warmer than it had always been before, because, needless to say, John Shelby had actually been an authentic ladies’ man since his first cry. His stunning beauty constantly teemed on everyone’s lips in Birmingham, there was not a single woman in the whole town who hadn’t dreamt of sleeping with him at least once in her life. Therefore, John was more than happy to please them all, literally, welcoming them with wide open arms, even during his past marriage; and, on those rare times when no girl went to knock on his door, he had now grown accustomed to seek relief into whorehouses, rather than sleep alone and become an easy prey for his ferocious demons.

So he eventually ended up dropping his smouldering cigar on the uneven asphalt of the most rundown place in Small Heath, “Le Belle Donne”, an Italian house of tolerance, quite dilapidated and about to fall to pieces, but which often happened to have his favourite prostitutes. Indeed, ever since the Peaky Blinders had defeated and subjugated Sabini’s clan, they’d occupied a prominent position among the country, to the point that several other Italian gangs on their territory, including the Changrettas who owned that brothel in particular, had finally given in to the Shelbys. As a direct consequence, to put it simply, John and all his brothers had, in a very real sense, earned the full right to abuse of whatever business the wops held.

“Hey, man!”  Johnny resonantly barked as he entered the hall, maintaining a pretty intimidating attitude and a menacing look on purpose, in order to strike even greater fear in his newest flunky. “C’mon, show me what you got” That rough order cunningly glided onto his lower lip, immediately followed by his hot tongue, while his famished gaze travelled around the room, examining the face of each harlot standing there with meticulous attention, without however finding something that could come anywhere close to seriously rapture him. Robert Turrini, the whoremaster, was a bizarre bloke, for his physical appearance could be probably described as both disturbing and amusing: his revortingly corpulent stomach wobbled and his short legs dangerously stumbled, when he made haste to stand up and accommodate his toughest client. “Mr. Shelby, what an honour and a pleasure to have you back!” Those sycophant words fled his moist and malodorous mouth, and nonetheless, his stubby fingers inexorably betrayed his true thoughts, since they were either nervously torturing each other or, as only alternative, convulsively running through his greasy, mangy bangs. “Please, sir, follow me, these are for yokels and boozers, nothing to do with gentlemen like yourself” Once again, Turrini’s shrill fawning tone relentlessly grated his ears, making clear reference to the bunch of second-rate whores who could be found at the entrance; thus the lame pimp quickly moved, his hand anxiously beckoning John to tread upon his heels, then headed towards an eerily narrow corridor, so scanty that it was almost impossible to cross, if not walking on the bias. The secret lounge was illuminated only in part by a squalid red light creating a gruesome atmosphere, a dull silence tyrannically reigned into that small space, although you were not alone, but practically glued to another girl; both sitting on a minuscle sofa, your elbows touching, still none of you dared emit a single sound. Everything felt like lead upon your papier-mâché ribcage, that horrible sensation forcing your traumatized brain to involuntarily keep counting the seconds until that heinous burden would’ve potentially staved in your sternum, definitively annihilating your splintered heart. As a result, when the ramshackle door opened and a high-pitched squeak scraped your skin, you really thought to be about to die. Your torturer made his entrance, and right after him, another man came in, yet you couldn’t spot his face, since the peak of his cap designedly casted a mysterious shadow on it. “These two right here, they're real young, real fresh” Robert flaunted his goods along with a nefarious grin, rubbing his soiled paws with evident greed. “Behold the finest offering of flesh and bone on the market” A sadistic snicker repugnantly accompanied his speech, instantly causing John to frown, visibly disgruntled with the way that man deliberately talked about human beings. Luckily, it was a known fact that the middle Shelby was used to treating his women with all due respect: whether he paid them or not, he always made sure they were comfortable with him and never shrank from giving them some good time as well; therefore, a vexed glare was shot in the direction of his gross interlocutor, before his crystalline eyes briefly fluttered around the place, then bumping into your elegant figure almost at once.

Your bloodstream seemed to benumb on the spot as the stranger’s confident stare entangled yours, his rawboned features being now fully displayed, for he had lifted his chin a little in order to properly look at you, and you only, despite Clarissa’s desperate and petulant attempts to get his attention with malicious smiles and ridiculous pet names. Even though your dazed mind had just been ruthlessly brutalized by the sudden, ablaze assault of his glacial irises, a few moments were enough for you to realize how profoundly different he was from all the low-down rats who usually came through that horrible place.

Each sharp, still somehow delicate, trait of his face was brimming with delicious youthfulness, a less keen eye might have even confounded his freshness with actual naivety, but not yours; you were far too clever to make such a coarse mistake. Furthermore, the midnight-blue posh fabric of the classy suit, remarkably folding his majestic body, left gaunt doubt that he was, in all likelihood, a considerably rich man, which was beyond disorientating you, since the price to pay for some tawdry delight in that brothel was outrageously derisory, to say the least. And ultimately, as much as it killed you to conceive it, he was without question one of the most enchanting men you had ever seen, to the point that you found yourself subconsciously wondering the possible reason why a heavenly creature of his kind would’ve needed to buy a miserable hour of dissembled love. 

“There she is” That malleable murmur, filled with longing and gratification, furtively sidled past John’s roseate mouth, as its corners seductively bent upwards and his gaze persevered in its praiseworthy commitment to scrupulously linger your finest shape in sheer adoration. Lace and organdy sublimely merged on the light crimson negligee you were wearing, your immaculate form appeared as a beguiling paradox into his dilated pupils, being your long legs lecherously left exposed, while every inch of your porcelain skin, from your lean neck to your groin, was painstakingly disguised by that unholy material, dark and inscrutable, albeit thin enough to allow him to glimpse the inviting turgidity of your nipples. His breath shuddered in awe when he went back to contemplate your aphrodisiac facial features, flushed cheeks and plump lips having him ache with desire, and then your doe eyes flooded by melancholy, strangling his soul with no mercy, entrenching into his brains the treacherous conviction that, at the end of the day, he would’ve gladly dilapidated his fortune, if only to venerate you from afar. “Oi, sweetheart!” His low voice finally rumbled within the walls of that small space, overwhelmingly vibrating into your abdomen, while you forced yourself to swallow the painful lump obstructing your throat and stand up, promptly responding to his command, aware as you had become that rebelling against your pitiable destiny would’ve served no purpose at all. Holding your client’s hand behind your back, but keeping your head down during the whole route, you silently guided him up the spiral staircase to the best room in the house, like you had previously been instructed by your pimp. His jacket and hat were quickly hung on the apposite coat-rack, leaving his muscular top covered with just his white shirt and blue vest, an alluring grin was flashed in your direction and you detected a libidinous sparkle in his irises, as he healed the rift between you at a slow pace. “What should I call you, sweetheart?” He knowingly used the same flattering pet name once more, whispering that barely audible question into your ear, for he was now behind you: his large hands laid around your waist, gently making your back and his vigorous chest fit together, while his skilled mouth brushed forthwith against your nape, drawing an ardent contrail of ephemeral pecks up until your jaw. “Just y/n” You gasped in response, the marked contrast between his warmth and your bitter cold body, along with crippling dread eating you alive, caused your scrambled stomach to squirm and your eyelids to distressingly shut into a frown. “Well, that’s a pretty good one, I’m John, by the way” A lovely, yet hinted giggle fleetingly filled your ears together with that little compliment; there was no record of mockery in his tone, though, it simply sounded like he wanted to be nice to you, without any aspiration of personal gain, and you almost blushed, caught off guard and no longer used to any form of kindness. Nevertheless, it was a matter of instants before another wet, long kiss was pressed on your jawline, making you startle with evident apprehension and, at a later time, definitively back away from him, as soon as you sensed his touch abandoning your hips only to climb your sides, till he reached for your nightgown’s collar and his fingers began to fiddle with its round buttons. “No, I’ll do it!” You curtly gave notice, as you temporarily lost control of both your speech and actions, placing your hands above his in order to shrug them off, then turning to face him with short breath, your open palms shielding you. “I got it” A noticeably softer voice supplanted your preceding rudeness once you gradually metabolised how much damage your incautious reaction could’ve done.

“Aye, aye, darling, as you wish” But John just chuckled, tenderly humouring you, while his forearms jokingly lift in surrender to your commands, although, truth be told, your strange behaviour had left him a bit bewildered, well-nigh confused. Carefully moving backwards, he cockily made himself comfortable on the edge of the double bed, sitting right in front of you with splayed legs, his yearning stare never deflecting from you, and started to unbutton his waistcoat along with his shirt and undershirt, until his statuesque torso was completely nude, in all its glory, as the moon transpired through the curtains and shed its faint rays on his every contour, superbly enhancing all of his muscles.

Without reprieve, he ogled up at you in pure adoration, devastatingly astonished afresh by your dazzling beauty, eager to feel your afire flesh around his, literally hanging on your every word or move, while a provocative smirk steadily rippled his lips. Still, he kept questioning why a seraphic vision like you was slowly withering away in that authentic hell on heart, adamantly squandering your blush of youth amidst that rabble of unrestrained putridity. It made absolutely no sense, and he couldn’t get rid of that pernicious thought haunting his mind ever since he had first seen you: you looked nervous, extremely defensive, almost paralyzed with fear; you seemed so different from all the whores he’d had before, hence his instincts, however obfuscated with cupidity, were screaming that something was wrong.  And when he watched you turn your back on him again, so to avoid his penetrating gaze as you reluctantly got undressed, it was enough for him to understand that his execrable hunch was right. Nevertheless, by the time his head managed to eventually reconnect to his mouth, it was already too late, the soft textile of your nightdress ineluctably fell to your feet, leaving you naked under his starving leer.

John choked on his own breath; for the very first time, he felt like a fledgling kid at his earliest experience, no matter if nothing could be further form the truth, in some turbid, cryptic way, you were able to make him vulnerable. His craw went hellishly dry while he continued to gape at you in awe, the sinuous curves of your flawless glutes, the meandering line of your superlatively arched back covered in part by your soft hair, your tensed shoulders and your refined legs, everything about you caused his mind to go entirely black, words stifling in his throat. Yet, as soon as you moved to face him and his sight was blessed with the full view of your voluptuous figure, something altered the light in his cerulean eyes, suddenly making it dark and gloomy. His jaw slightly dropped under the weight of that violent dismay: in conjunction, an obnoxious sense of nausea cruelly shot him in the gut and blind anger virulently assailed him, for your front bust was completely martyrized.

“What the hell...” That unmeant babble died in the gelid air, his shocked orbs demarcating the strokes of your damaged silhouette: your neck and collarbone were horridly plastered with several violet fingerprints, as if someone had mercilessly strangled you over and over, greenish bruises with the shape of full palms circled both your arms, there were conspicuous signs of ligature around your tiny wrists. Worse still, his eyelids had to squeeze a little in order to bring into focus the multiple oxblood dots stigmatizing your soft breasts, until he noticed in horror how those round specks were effectively cigarettes burns; all of the oxygen bluntly withdrew from his lungs, when he dwelled on the multiple blue and black marks barbarically desecrating the protuberances of your ribs. But what irremediably drove him over the edge were the two ghastly scars digging stretched grooves in your lower stomach, in parallel with your bulging pelvic bones and down almost to your livid groin.

Prey of that deleterious humiliation, you observed raw disgust contaminating his features and, with no apparent reason, the dormant hatred you had for yourself began to ferment inside your belly. “I-I’m sorry” you forced yourself to swallow your imminent tears, unexpectedly, the awareness of not being able to please him somehow inflicted more suffering on your mangled soul “If I’m not to your taste, y-you can...” The young man quickly stood up and, before you had the chance to finish your nonsensical sentence, he readily grabbed his shirt, approaching you with dispatch, his cold irises burning with an implausible mixture of fury and concern. “I don’t fucking care right now” His voice was unsteady, rolling down his tongue in fatigued panting, as his hands hastened to wrap his shirt around your shoulders, his trembling fingers struggling to put the buttons through the eyelets  “Who did this to you?” In truth, he was talking to himself rather than with you, noticeable impatience worsening his mad tone, yet you persistently steered clear of his inquiring look, more than determined to keep your mouth shut, forasmuch as your dizzy head was already helplessly spinning, along with your heart rabidly hammering against your sore ribcage. You were having a hard time figuring out what was going on, everything around you was so confused, you didn’t even know whether to trust him or not, you only wanted to close your eyes and forget about that lucid nightmare. “I’m not asking you, for fuck’s sake! Tell me who it was!”  That searing order tersely brought you back to reality and cleared how easily his rash temper could reemerge; indeed, all of a sudden, no trace was left of that kind, cheerful boy who earlier that night had succeeded in making you genuinely blush, on the contrary, when he cupped your cheeks and vehemently shook you, in a desperate effort to get your attention, his rough, authoritative command unbendingly hit you, and the sweet child within him ended up being thoroughly smothered by the scary, ruthless gangster that he truly was. That unforeseen contact had your feet automatically stagger backwards, your eyes fell to your tiptoes and your teeth started skewering your lower lip, while your exhausted brain resorted to its last ounce of strength, thereby obligating you to spit out a bit of your sorrow. “Three months ago, the man I once called father sold me to settle one of his debts with the Italians” Your thorax seemed to shrink to the point of absurdity once you became aware that it was essentially the first time you allowed yourself to say it all out loud. However, the presence of that compassionate stranger still represented for you a substantial barrier to surmount, leading your unquiet glance to franticly move from the grime on the floor, to the broken window on your left, anywhere, but never daring to meet his. “ I tried to run away, I swear I did, but they always caught me and-” 

A large knot callously plugged the bottom of your palate, causing you to hesitate for a minute, gently rubbing your own arms, in attempt to comfort yourself . “Robert has a short fuse, he g-gets pretty brutal when you don’t cooperate” Those disenchanted considerations carried an involuntary grin, it was nothing more than a spasm, but hid the unmistakable sign of an imminent cry, and John’s attentive irises certainly did not let it go unnoticed, yet he chose to stay quiet, because the last thing he would’ve wanted in that crucial moment was to scare you even more. “He beat me to death, each time harder than the time before, and then he let those men-... He-e kept me tied to that bed for days to teach me a lesson” Copious tears were now unremittingly streaming down your flushed face, your heart aching with raw affliction, preventing you from breathing properly, one of your palms instinctively went to cover the space between your breasts, in a vain whirl to ease that excruciating grief. “Oh, God” John simply sighed, he was precariously theetering on the verge of tears as well, thick veins untamedly pumped in the proximity of his temples, till his solid shape ruinously keeled over the longest side of the bed, his elbows piercing his own thighs, as he hid behind his clenched fists and finally permitted himself to indulge a couple of muffled sobs. Innumerable atrocities had clouded his eyes and soul during his brief life, he himself was capable of unspeakable acts of cruelty, still, that was absolutely intolerable, hearing your story was taking a terrible toll on him. Try as he might, he couldn’t conceive how somebody could have been so hopelessly evil, to abuse in such a heinous way a defenseless creature as pure as you were. That thought was irretrievably disturbing him, rancorously eroding his bowels, almost depriving him of his sanity.

“U-until I stopped fighting them”  Your last, indescribably anguished whisper struck the fatal blow, it unrelentingly plunged into his chest, sending an unbearable jolt of pain through his poisoned veins. For a brief instant, his expression, together with yours, harshly turned into a mask made of neat despair, as if your synapsis had been ravelled and both of you were enduring the exact same ache, at the exact same moment.

“I’ll fucking kill him!” Then, all at once, something apopletic inside him violently detonated, he berserkly stood up, roughly tripping over the beside table and everything placed on it. “Fucking kill that filthy bastard with my own two hands, bloody hell!” His hoarse yells made your bruised skin cringe and his furious steps covered the whole length of the room in the space of a scant minute; he was literally seething with murderous fits of rage, teeth grinding with irrepressible choler. “No!” your desperate voice erupted afresh and you hurried to reach for him, your hands unconsciously enveloping his cheekbones “Please, please, John, please, stop!” For the first time, his name slipped out of your aching throat in between those pathetic pleads, your wrists forced him to look at you, in attempt to dissuade him from his homicidal purposes; the mere thought of the potential disastrous consequences to his calamitous ire totally asphyxiated you, rampant panic assaulted your frail mind and, soon after, you found yourself hyperventilating and simultaneously rambling a bunch of incoherent words, your fingers gradually tightening their grip on him. “He’s gonna get so angry at me, he’s gonna- he-he’s...” “I’m a fucking Shelby, he does not draw a damn breath unless I say so” He firmly grabbed your chin with just two of his fingers, guiding your depleted pupils to entirely focus on his confident stare, and he growled that undisputable fact a span away from your nose. Petrified by that new awareness, you fell utterly silent, only gawking in his direction, while he put his undershirt back on with ease and rapidly grasped his cap. “Just stay here, do you hear me? Don’t move until I come back” An incandescent kiss was impulsively pressed to your forehead, no other words were spent, before he disappeared behind the door of your private hell. When your persecutor saw his special guest unyieldingly storming towards his desk with a truculent expression exuding fervent disappointment, he jumped on his feet, ready to find a solution to whatever problem had possibly arisen; one thing was sure, he never would’ve guessed what was about to happen. “Mr. Shelby, what’s wron-” John’s fist savagely collided with his jaw, nipping his cloying speech in the bud, without giving Turrini a second to process what was going on, another punch pitilessly smote him, and then another one, and then another, until hot, plenteous blood gushed from his multiple wounds. “You son of a bitch”   Animalistic groans left his rabid maws, sheer hate rushing through his brains, as he violently tossed him to the ground, immediately beginning to kick his torso with all of his brute force. “Mercy! I beg of you, sir, have mercy!” His victim’s prayers and harrowing screams barely titillated his ears, everything he could think about was your tragically marred body, hence an unbridled desire to give him a taste of his own medicine completely took over. “Where was your mercy when you were torturing her?”  Expertely holding his hat in the most efficient way, in a fury, John went down on his sacrificial lamb, promptly disfiguring just one side of his face, in order to take a quite theatrical pause from his wicked work.

“When she was imploring you to stop?”  Robert was now crying out loud, overwhelmed by that merciless agony, reduced to just invoke the glacial scynt of death, since nothing in his entire miserable existence had ever caused him more intense pain, than the coarse perception of a finely sharpened razorblade brutishly lacerating his flesh once more, inch by inch.

“Now bend your ear to this” despite his wrenching laments, John rudely lift him up by seizing the blood stained collar of his jacket “if anyone else but me goes near her fucking room again, I’ll burn this fucking place down!” And with that first, deadly threat the pimp’s head was brutally slammed into the wall, an umpteenth whine of contrition escaping his mouth filled with blood, nevertheless, no time was left for redemption.

“You lay a finger on her again” his skull was doggedly crashed into the bricks once again, a crimson spatter smeared the pale plaster covering them “I will break your neck” John’s knuckles clasped, having his red right hand effectively strenghten its hold on his neck, nearly killing him on the spot. However, fortunately for the whoremaster, Johnny would’ve not put an end to his sufferings, nor he could've simply taken you away, deep inside, he knew he needed to discuss it with his family, first and foremost, with Thomas, for the unstable equilibrium reached by the Peaky Blinder was far too fragile to start a new war against the Italians. Thus, with great difficulty, he forced himself to keep his mind clear and put a lid on his beastly instinct. “From now on, no one of you dirty swines is allowed to even look at her”  Throwing him to the floor, the middle Shelby delivered one last kick straight to his fat abdomen, and disrespectfully spit on him, marking with his salt slaver the end of his brutalized prey’s calvary. “By order of the Peaky Blinders”   As soon as the crackling door snapped open, your heart seemed to explode, your eyelids bolted with pure fear, whilst you pulled your knees closer to your clavicles, an ancient prayer lingering your lips together with heavy breaths, as you prepared for the worst. But the worst never came. “Y/n, hey, calm down. It’s all right” John’s husky voice echoed in your ears, and, you could’ve sworn it, that was, without the slightest doubt, the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. Your head abruptly tilted in his direction, an oxymoric mixture of fear and hope twinkling into your watery irises, deep pants still rocking your tiny self. “It’s me, it’s just me” Keeping his arms up to indicate his innocuous purpose, he carefully approached you. Almost immediately, you noticed the several scarlet handprints staining his pale top, eloquent sign that he had tried to wipe his palms on that ivory material as best as he could. Yet, you were so profoundly relieved to see his friendly face, that, to be honest, the sight of fresh blood didn’t upset you at all. It was like you had fallen into a fugue state, every single thing around you was so distant, your numb senses were only able to concentrate on John’s lean silhouette kneeling in front of you. “ No one will hurt you anymore, darling” his hands gently went to caress your thighs, while his worried gaze tirelessly sought yours and he spoke those soft, reassuring words “You need to trust me”. And you did want to put all of your faith in that young man. His delicate flair easily awakened you from that ostensible slumber, building a rousing fire inside your belly; without a thought about your unforeseen actions, you threw your arms around his strong neck, your knees producing a dry sound as they collided with the wooden pavement, still you didn’t care and you held him tight, letting out loud cries and drowning into his muscular chest, finally revelling in the feeling of that warm embrace. Soon, he entangled his callous fingers with your velvety locks, subconsciously narrowing his solid shoulders, as to shield your frangible figure from the outside world. “I'll get you out of here soon, I promise”

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