#and be honest about your disagreements without being defensive

[evendumbo]

The second season of The Bear was an outstanding example of focused character development and relationship building. I loved it. I don’t ship anyone on this show, but the development of the relationship between Sydney and Carmen just felt affirming after the Ted Lasso Fiasco. Their long talks, their interesting conflicts, the way you could see how their past lives influenced how they navigated their partnership was beautifully done.

I kept thinking, this is how you write a complicated friendship between a man and a woman. Make them whole people, then let them actually engage each other beyond a few lines here and there. Let their relationship even dominate a couple of episodes. Show us why their love and respect for one another is growing and how that is a rocky process. The friendship might grow into something more, I really don’t feel invested one way or the other. But I’m invested in the relationship whatever it looks like.

I kept thinking, this was what was missing between Ted and Rebecca if they were always meant to be platonic friends. This is it. If the show had put this level of time and attention cultivating their relationship, I would have been totally happy with just their friendship because there would have been a there there. It may seem counterintuitive that, because their relationship was underdeveloped, I rooted for them to discover a romantic relationship. I get that. But the underdevelopment made sense to me because I believed the show’s intention was that Ted had a quiet crush on Rebecca which was growing into real feelings while he slowly unraveled at his job — feelings that would eventually be revealed in an exciting, maybe devastating, narrative climax. Romantic tension can get effectively communicated through thousands of imperceptible moments, but a platonic friendship soulmate relationship sustained only by here and there encounters does not work. Or, at best, it can be a cute dynamic, but kind of boring.

For example, I replayed the Christmas episode in my mind as Ted and Rebecca being only platonic friends (bc the finale killed any desire to rewatch this show). I mean, through that lens, this part of the episode is cute, but not particularly interesting. It’s just two friendly coworkers who had that nice time together at Christmas when Ted was feeling sad, and Rebecca briefly expressed regret about her past actions. That’s totally fine if that’s what floats your boat. But my take at the time was that Rebecca had these tells that, when she was nervous around a guy, she’d fuss with her clothes (which she did while texting John Wingsnight), or do this funny thing with her tongue (which she did while having dinner with Sam), both of which she did while hanging out with Ted that day. Plus the random mention of fucking 😂. I was like, oh wow, that escalated, what is going on here!?! That is interesting.

Sydney and Carmen having a substantial conversation while strengthening a table together as a metaphor for their mutually supportive relationship? That is interesting.

I’m just saying, if a friendship and nothing more is what the Ted Lasso writers wanted, I really wish they had just done the work and written the damn friendship.

[elysiansparadise]

mars square mercury, please 👁️

How to deal with Mercury-Mars square in synastry?

This aspect can lead to impulsive arguments, defensive responses, or a feeling that the other person's ideas are a personal attack. Even with motivation and constant communication, there's also the risk that conversations will escalate into conflict if the energy isn't managed well.

As for practical approaches, I can mention the following:

🤍Assertiveness as the best tool. This not only benefits the long-term relationship, but also helps ensure our comfort within it. It fosters trust between both parties, as they feel they can be honest and transparent about what they want and don't want, and respect for ourselves by making it clear what we will and won't tolerate. Both parties can express ideas and feelings clearly and directly, avoiding confusion and misunderstandings and, consequently, decreasing the likelihood of arguments and fights.

🤍Know where and when to communicate disagreements. Differences are common in all types of relationships, and it's important for both parties to make the other feel they can talk about them without it becoming a source of disagreement or tension. Talk things over privately without making a scene, and if necessary, take time to calm down so you can talk things over without raising your voice or further hurting each other.

🤍Change the approach. Instead of blaming, attacking, and jumping to conclusions in the heat of the moment, redirect the conversation with your partner. Explain how you feel, what triggered it, and possible solutions, and let the other person express themselves. Avoid interrupting each other or trying to finish each other's sentences; patience and serenity are of the utmost importance. It's not about being right; it's about making the relationship between you both pleasant and beneficial for both parties.

Some aspects in astrology that can help with this are the following:

🩶The Moon aspecting Mercury or Mars can be very helpful. If one person's Moon forms a good aspect to the other's Mercury, there is an empathic connection when speaking. With Mars, it can calm impulsive reactions, making the other person feel understood, not attacked. It's like an emotional balm that balances logic with the heart.

🩶Saturn aspecting Mars helps moderate impulses, brings discipline, and makes actions more focused. Instead of reacting impulsively, the couple has the will to act purposefully. Likewise, this aspect shows a strong mutual respect for each other's boundaries.

🩶Pluto harmoniously aspecting Mars helps channel both partners' energy into something more productive, where they feel they're moving forward instead of stagnating. It gives them tremendous willpower to work through challenges together, and instead of competing, they both feel they can fight for the relationship as a team.

🩶Aspects between Juno and Mercury show us compromise and a willingness to understand each other. Both partners don't just seek or desire to reach agreements, but actively work to make things work, reach mutual and fair agreements, and constantly improve their communication. 

🩶Ceres makes harmonious aspects with Mercury or Mars, as Ceres cares, nurtures, and listens. If it touches Mercury, it encourages gentler conversations, where one listens with love. If it touches Mars, it teaches one to act with sensitivity, taking care of how one expresses energy and desire. It helps one not only want to be right, but also to care for the other's heart.

🩶Vesta's aspects with the Moon or Sun tell us about deep devotion between the two, combined with a sweetness that makes them not want to hurt the other person. This aspect can help them work together and try to improve before simply wanting to throw away the relationship; they understand that it requires effort and are willing to work together on it.

🩶Pallas, Jupiter, and/or Mercury falling in the other's 3rd house helps reach agreements and foster assertive communication between both. They can reach understandings more easily and find common ground.

🩶Planets falling in each other's 7th house [especially the Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mercury] give relational depth to the bond, provide meaning, and can make even disagreements feel like part of a larger story worth living and nurturing. There's a strong camaraderie between the two, and they can see each other as someone they want to be with long-term.

🩶Planets like Jupiter, Mercury, and the Moon falling in the other's first house greatly help them, as they genuinely seek to understand each other, get to know each other, grow together, and progress alongside each other. Both of them will feel comfortable with each other and will naturally feel inclined to support each other through difficult times. With patience and affection, you will reassure each other that you genuinely care about them.

[lovemorethanlabels]

Speaking Love During Conflicts

Conflict is not the opposite of love. In fact, it often arises where love exists. Most conflicts are usually misunderstandings relating to agreements being expressed in different ways. Where the ego flares, the best description is allow silence thickens to give the chance to love bloom rather than “getting heat”

Here is a short gentle soulful ways to speak love even in the storm:

1. Let Silence Be a Language

Love doesn’t always need words guys. In conflict, when voices are sharpen like knives, giving the space its “service” to breathe can become a sacred experience. A pause in between high raising of emotions, and asking yourself direct questions, what I am to gain from this? what does conversation or event leading me to? The goal is for choice not retaliate, and if you find yourself in it — a reminder to return to your Silence, to your “Silenzio Bruno” — this isn’t withdrawal or weakness yet rather a chance to create gratitude for the emotions to show empathy — it’s presence without violence. It says: I’m still here. I see you, even in the rupture.

2. Reflect, Don’t React

Instead of defending or proving a point, try: “I’m doing my best to understand, guide me to what you’re feeling.”

Love listens — not to agree, to understand, to comprehend the difficult in-betweens and reminding us all if the roles were reverse what would the emotions be similar? To sit with discomfort without needing to fix or win anything. In conflict, reflection is a gift. It means we’re willing to see the pain underneath the words.

3. Use “I” Statements That Own Your Truth Without Blame

Speak from your soul, not your shield of defense or sword of advancements. sometimes being

“I care deeply about your feelings”

“I’m afraid of saying something mean to you.”

This vulnerability becomes a bridge. It tells the other: You matter. I’m not here to hurt you — I’m here because I care.

4. Touch Without Fixing

Sometimes, physical touch can speak more than any apology if they need a hug give it, if they a shoulder tap give it. Physical presence — gentle, consensual, grounding — can say: I am with you, not against you. It’s not about making the pain go away. It’s about saying, You are not alone in it.

5. Curiosity Over Conclusion

Conflict thrives in assumption. Love invites curiosity. Try asking:

“What’s really underneath this for you?”

“Can you help me understand why this hurts?”

“Where are you going next”?

“How can this benefit you”

When we stop assuming we already know, we invite intimacy back in. We create room for another’s soul to unfold, even in disagreement.

6. Reaffirm the Relationship

Say what often gets lost:

“I still love you.”

“Thank you for being here with me”

“Thank you for speaking your truth”

“This is difficult moment, I’m here, I’m not walking away.”

“We’re on the same team, even when it’s messy.”

Conflict doesn’t mean disconnection. Reassurance can be the lifeline that helps you both breathe again.

7. Let Go of Being Right, Choose Being Real

Love doesn’t need to win, it just need to be present and honest to other’s emotions. It needs to be a witness to be witnessed. Being real, raw, imperfect, bare, feeling all at once dismantle walls quicker than any logical argument.

[bookeysnewsletter]

How to Win Friends and Influence People: Key Insights Explained

Chapter 1 What's How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

"How to Win Friends and Influence People," written by Dale Carnegie and first published in 1936, is a classic self-help book that focuses on interpersonal skills and effective communication. The book is divided into four parts, each offering practical advice on how to improve relationships with others, whether in personal or professional contexts.

Carnegie emphasizes the importance of understanding human nature, advocating for genuine interest in others, and fostering positive interactions. Key principles include smiling, remembering names, being a good listener, and showing appreciation. The book also addresses the art of persuasion, urging readers to appeal to others' self-interests and to approach disagreements tactfully, seeking common ground.

Throughout the text, Carnegie illustrates his techniques with real-life examples, making them relatable and actionable. Ultimately, the book offers timeless strategies for building meaningful connections and influencing people positively, underscoring the significant impact of empathy and effective communication in all aspects of life.

Chapter 2 How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Summary

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is a classic self-help book that provides timeless principles for effective communication and building positive relationships with others. Here's a summary of its key concepts:

 Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't Criticize, Condemn, or Complain: Criticism only puts people on the defensive and harms their self-esteem.

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation: Acknowledge the good in others. Sincere appreciation fosters goodwill.

3. Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want: Frame your requests in terms of what the other person desires.

 Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people: Show that you care about others’ interests and well-being.

2. Smile: A simple smile can create a warm atmosphere and make others feel comfortable.

3. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest sound: Use names in conversation to establish rapport.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves: Listening shows respect and boosts the other person's ego.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests: Frame discussions around what interests the other person.

6. Make the other person feel important: Make genuine compliments to boost their self-esteem.

 Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it: Avoid confrontation; it drives people away.

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”: Respectful dialogue fosters better communication.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically: Humility earns respect and encourages others to be open.

4. Begin in a friendly way: Approach discussions with warmth rather than aggression.

5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately: Find common ground to build agreement.

6. Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs: People are more committed to ideas that they feel ownership of.

7. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view: Empathy strengthens relationships and reduces conflict.

8. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires: Understanding and validating feelings can help persuade.

9. Appeal to the nobler motives: Encourage others to act out of a sense of pride and values.

10. Dramatize your ideas: Make your suggestions compelling and memorable.

11. Throw down a challenge: People are often motivated by challenges; it can inspire improvement and engagement.

 Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation: Start with positives before addressing issues.

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly: Offer constructive criticism subtly to avoid defensiveness.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person: Share your shortcomings to create an atmosphere of understanding.

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders: Encourage cooperation rather than obedience.

5. Let the other person save face: Protect their dignity, even when correcting mistakes.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement: Positive reinforcement encourages more of the desired behavior.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to: Set high expectations to inspire people.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct: Build confidence in their ability to change.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest: Foster enthusiasm for your ideas.

 Conclusion

Carnegie’s book emphasizes the importance of empathy, active listening, and positive reinforcement in interpersonal relations. His principles promote a human-centered approach that can lead to both personal success and healthier, more effective relationships with others. By applying these strategies, readers can enhance their social skills and influence more effectively.

Chapter 3 How to Win Friends and Influence People Author

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, best known for his self-improvement courses, particularly in the fields of interpersonal skills and effective communication. He was born on November 24, 1888, in Maryville, Missouri, and passed away on November 1, 1955.

Carnegie released his most famous book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” in 1936. The book quickly became a bestseller and has remained popular for decades due to its practical advice on building relationships and improving social skills. It is often regarded as a classic in the self-help genre.

In addition to “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Carnegie authored several other books and works, including:

1. “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (1948) - This book provides practical advice on managing stress and anxiety.

2. “The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking” (1962) - This work focuses on improving public speaking and communication skills.

3. “The Leader in You” (1993) - This book teaches leadership principles and personal development strategies.

As for the best edition of “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” it is often recommended to look for the most recent edition. The updated versions sometimes include additional commentary, illustrations, and applications that reflect contemporary contexts while staying true to Carnegie's original principles. The 75th Anniversary edition, released in 2011, is one such version that many readers find valuable as it provides updated insights and relevance for modern readers.

Overall, Carnegie's works continue to influence millions of people interested in personal development, communication, and leadership skills.

Chapter 4 How to Win Friends and Influence People Meaning & Theme

How to Win Friends and Influence People Meaning

"How to Win Friends and Influence People," written by Dale Carnegie and first published in 1936, is a self-help book that focuses on improving interpersonal skills, enhancing communication, and fostering better relationships with others. The core messages of the book revolve around understanding human behavior and applying practical principles to connect with people more effectively. Here are some of the main themes and meanings detailed in the book:

1. The Importance of Empathy: Carnegie emphasizes the significance of understanding others' perspectives and feelings. By showing genuine interest in people and listening to them, you can build rapport and trust.

2. Validation and Appreciation: One of the key principles Carnegie advocates is the power of sincere appreciation. Acknowledging others' contributions and expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships and motivate people to respond positively.

3. Effective Communication: Carnegie provides strategies for effective communication, including the importance of speaking in terms that resonate with others, being clear, and encouraging open dialogue.

4. Avoiding Criticism: The book suggests that criticism often leads to defensiveness and resentment. Instead, Carnegie advises focusing on positive reinforcement and constructive feedback.

5. Influencing Others: Carnegie outlines techniques for influencing people's thoughts and decisions, such as appealing to their interests, creating a sense of belonging, and associating ideas with positive emotions.

6. Building Rapport: The book discusses the importance of building rapport through shared interests, mutual respect, and demonstrating warmth in interactions.

7. Leadership and Social Skills: Carnegie touches on the qualities of effective leaders and how strong social skills can enhance one's ability to lead and inspire others.

8. Personal Growth: The principles outlined in the book encourage self-reflection and personal growth, suggesting that becoming a better communicator and friend can significantly impact both personal and professional relationships.

Overall, Carnegie's book serves as a guide for enhancing interpersonal skills and cultivating meaningful connections, which can lead to both personal fulfillment and professional success. Its timeless advice remains relevant in various aspects of life, particularly in areas involving teamwork, networking, and conflict resolution.

How to Win Friends and Influence People Theme

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie revolves around several key themes that emphasize interpersonal relationships, effective communication, and the art of persuasion. Here are some of the primary themes in the book:

1. Understanding Human Nature: Carnegie emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding others' perspectives. Recognizing people's desires and motivations is crucial for building rapport and meaningful connections.

2. The Power of Relationships: Strong relationships are foundational to personal and professional success. The book discusses how nurturing these relationships can lead to positive influence and collaboration.

3. Effective Communication: Carnegie outlines techniques for effective communication, such as active listening, showing genuine interest, and using positive reinforcement. These skills help to facilitate better conversations and reduce conflict.

4. Appreciation and Praise: The book highlights the significance of acknowledging and appreciating others. Genuine compliments and recognition can foster goodwill and encourage positive behavior in others.

5. Conflict Resolution: Carnegie provides strategies for handling disagreements and difficult situations. Approaching conflicts with tact and understanding can lead to more amicable resolutions.

6. Influence Through Understanding: Rather than coercive or manipulative tactics, Carnegie advocates for influencing others by understanding their viewpoints and aligning your goals with theirs.

7. Building Trust: Trust is a crucial element in any relationship. Carnegie discusses how honesty, integrity, and consistent behavior contribute to trustworthiness.

8. Personal Development: The themes of self-improvement and emotional intelligence are inherent in the book, encouraging readers to develop their interpersonal skills to enhance their interactions with others.

Overall, the overarching theme of the book is that by treating others with respect, kindness, and understanding, individuals can foster better relationships and influence others positively, ultimately leading to personal and professional fulfillment.

Chapter 5 Quotes of How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People quotes as follows:

Here are ten impactful quotes from "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie:

1. "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

2. "A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language."

3. "People are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves."

4. "If you want to win people to your way of thinking, first they must believe you care about them."

5. "Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves."

6. "Talk in terms of the other person's interests."

7. "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."

8. "Showing respect for the other person's opinions never means you have to change your own."

9. "To be interesting, be interested."

10. "The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most."

These quotes encapsulate the core principles of building strong relationships and influencing others in a positive way, as emphasized by Carnegie throughout his work.

Chapter 6 Similar Books Like How to Win Friends and Influence People

Certainly! Here are five book recommendations that focus on personal development, effective communication, and the art of persuasion. Each of these books offers valuable insights and strategies to enhance your skills in building relationships and influencing others.

 1. "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey

This classic book emphasizes principles of fairness, integrity, and human dignity. Covey presents a holistic approach to personal and professional effectiveness, outlining seven habits that can transform your life. By adopting these habits, you can foster better relationships and achieve your long-term goals.

 2. "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B. Cialdini

Cialdini dives into the psychology behind why people say "yes" and how to apply these understandings in everyday situations. With its practical strategies based on psychological principles, this book equips you with the tools to improve your persuasive skills and understand the subtle influences around you.

 3. "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

In high-stakes situations where opinions vary and emotions run strong, effective communication is critical. This book provides tools for navigating these conversations safely, helping you to stay calm, convey your message clearly, and foster understanding among all parties involved.

 4. "Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts." by Brené Brown

Brené Brown explores the importance of vulnerability in leadership and communication. She provides insight into building trust and fostering open, honest dialogue. This book encourages you to embrace your authenticity and vulnerability as a leader, transforming how you connect with others.

 5. "Communication Skills for Dummies" by Elizabeth Kuhnke

A practical guide for anyone looking to improve their communication skills, this book covers everything from active listening to body language and assertiveness. With easy-to-follow tips and exercises, it's a valuable resource for enhancing both personal and professional interactions.

These five books provide diverse perspectives on the themes of communication, influence, and personal effectiveness, making them great additions to any reading list for those looking to improve their interpersonal skills. Happy reading!

Book https://www.bookey.app/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people

Author https://www.bookey.app/quote-author/dale-carnegie

Quotes https://www.bookey.app/book/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/quote

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People https://www.bookey.app/book/the-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SUiLkl42FQ

Amazon https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034

Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4865.How_to_Win_Friends_Influence_People

[indiaastrologer]

7 Common Causes of Misunderstandings Between Husband and Wife

Marriage is a beautiful journey, but even the strongest bonds can face challenges. Misunderstandings are one of the most common roadblocks that couples encounter, leading to frustration, hurt feelings, and distance. Let's explore seven frequent causes of misunderstandings between husband and wife, along with tips to overcome them and build a stronger connection.

1. Communication Styles

We all communicate differently. Some are direct and to the point, while others are more indirect or avoid confrontation. This difference in styles can lead to misinterpretations. Here's how to bridge the gap:

Active listening: Pay close attention to your partner's words and emotions.

Summarize: Briefly restate what you understood to ensure you're on the same page.

Empathy: Try to see things from your partner's perspective.

2. Unspoken Expectations

We often assume our partners know what we need or want without ever saying it. This can lead to disappointment and resentment. Here's how to avoid this:

Clear communication: Be open and honest about your expectations in the relationship.

Ask for what you need: Don't expect your partner to be a mind reader.

3. Emotional Baggage

Past experiences can color how we communicate in the present. Unresolved emotional issues can lead to projection and defensiveness.

Acknowledge your emotions: Understand how past experiences might be affecting your present communication.

Seek professional help: If past baggage is a major roadblock, consider therapy for individual or couples' counseling.

4. Lack of Quality Time

Busy schedules can leave little room for dedicated time together. This lack of connection can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation.

Prioritize quality time: Schedule regular date nights, even if it's just an hour of uninterrupted conversation.

Put away distractions: Put your phones away and focus fully on each other during quality time.

5. Different Love Languages

People express and experience love differently. Understanding your partner's "love language" can help you avoid misunderstandings and feel more loved.

Learn about love languages: There are five main love languages: acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Express love in ways your partner appreciates: Learn your partner's love language and make an effort to show affection in their preferred way.

6. Financial Disagreements

Money can be a major source of stress and conflict in a marriage. Different financial goals, spending habits, and debt can lead to tension.

Open communication: Discuss your financial goals and concerns openly and honestly.

Collaborative planning: Work together to create a budget and financial plan that works for both of you.

7. Intimacy Issues

A decline in physical or emotional intimacy can contribute to misunderstandings.

Open communication: Discuss your intimacy needs and concerns openly and honestly.

Seek professional help: If you're struggling with intimacy issues, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in couples' intimacy.

Remember, misunderstandings are normal, but they can be overcome with effort and communication. By being open, honest, and understanding, you can build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.

Vedic Astrology and Compatibility

Vedic astrology can offer insights into communication styles and compatibility between partners. While it shouldn't replace professional help, it can be a helpful tool for understanding your unique relationship dynamic.

If you're struggling with misunderstandings in your marriage, consider seeking guidance from Gurudev Acharya Nirmal Ji, a renowned Vedic astrologer with over 12 years of experience. He can offer personalized insights and guidance to help you navigate these challenges and strengthen your bond with your spouse. Contact Gurudev Acharya Nirmal Ji today at +917827959975 or web.cyberpiyush@gmail.com , Website: www.indiasbestastrologer.com to schedule a consultation.

Conclusion

Understanding and addressing these seven common causes of misunderstandings between husband and wife is essential for fostering a strong and enduring marital bond. By proactively addressing issues through effective communication, mutual understanding, and seeking professional guidance when needed, couples can cultivate a relationship built on trust, respect, and love.

[iamshay]

You know who you are; I will air it out. Take your fake apology out of here. You suck up just getting more special treatment, and thats why you are so defensive about it. am just going call it for what it is. So take that block and unfollow your fake. Anyone I remove, that means I have seen your true color.

I said what I had to say in my post. also about the favortism, and the power trip mods can suck it! Oh, wait, you already on that 🍆🙄

I quote this again. "Even though these individuals have always been featured, they still don't stand on their own. If, for any reason whatsoever, Rumble stops supporting them—like in the case of a disagreement or a change in Rumble's management. These people won't have the audience support necessary for any significant organic growth at Rumble." This quote someone told me, and I fucking agree." and they just a few more followers; without that, they're nobody, just like the rest of us in gaming. They all sucking up it because deep down they know!

When I had 100 people watching twice without getting featured, it was not so bad for someone to never get special treatment, all because of my own network around social media, by networking even if they were not talking, just because they felt threatened by what I was doing without anyone's help.

They were in my chat, accusing me of viewbotting and making themselves known in my chat as self-promoters, almost. I am not a person who got a husband as a coder that can be cable, know how to code fake views, or know how to manipulate viewers just like the rest of them. I don't do that sh*t. I already sent a screenshot that the YouTube community hates. Watch the stalkers. Even so, thanks for the views, losers. And me streaming sports for Rumble before my partner was out. It seems they felt jealous that I was a beam viewer while they were live. Without them getting featured, nobody has their own. and that fucking bothers them. People are more attuned to people with personalities, and not everyone always sucks up and talks rumble.

There is nothing wrong with that, but when the topic is always sucking up to rumble and people get turned off by that, I saw that on Kickass as well, where people always screw up and talk about cons too, just pros. People don't like fake personas. They like what the cons are. Every platform has its cons. Transparency is very important. They never come by my stream anyway. So fuck off. You are the fake one.

I make quality content talk about streaming around gaming. While they suck, the loser has to suck up to get treatment, then have organic growth and transparency. They will hunt anyone who is honest. Me being honest that more better then lie to rumble. Then they know what is bad and what is good. How suppose they do better and try not to know for that? You fake laugh and giggle; be fake as fuck. Platform needs honesty to do better than suck up and lie to them. They need full transparency so they know.

That makes me actually want Rumble to take over and do way better than other platforms. You are always hyped, even deep down. You know it's simply wrong, just because it will benefit you if you get a few more followers to actually show you all fucking about yourself. All you care about are followers and viewers. not the health of the platform and its integrity. since you put this fake ass persona lies hype shit that wrong. Get off your high horse and stop lying.

You do not give a sh*t about rumbling at all. All you care about is yourself because you are on the feature list, and whatever critics come to you, that cost of showing favottism to you because you never told them that is wrong. Maybe we should do that. You don't care about ethics or fairness. Or care about a small streamer like yourself? You just want all the shit for yourself. Good luck with that behavior; you wont go anywhere.

[genshin-impacted]

Exchange of Rings

(Alhaitham x Reader - 4/?) 

It was only a matter of time until you and Alhaitham begin to affect each other-- in a good way. OR disagreements + touch + groceries + sleep

Word Count: ~3.9k

Notes: afab!reader, second person pov “you”, gn!reader, switches pov with Alhaitham, modern au, arranged marriage, fall first/fall harder, slow burn

[Previous - Next]

.

.

.

You like to say you're an open person. Open-minded, open-hearted, but open about yourself? Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that you are honest about what you think, though definitely not as honest as Alhaitham. 

He definitely does not soften the blow for anyone, even for you– or so you think until you hear just how blunt and abrasive Alhaitham can be when he receives a phone call from work on the weekend. ("Do not call me again." “But-” “Goodbye.”) You never realized it was possible to talk to someone at work like that, but you think maybe Alhaitham’s got something right with how clearly he sets his boundaries. 

In comparison to that, his words to you are more like… flicks on the forehead. It makes you cringe, maybe yelp if you're sensitive, but otherwise they're harmless. The forehead flick is also a reminder of the greater force Alhaitham is capable of so you take his mercy in stride. 

It's not as though you're prone to being chastised by Alhaitham, but you're not a perfect human being. Sometimes you forget that you put laundry in the washing machine or that the heater is still on when you leave the apartment. And you know you're unused to being scolded because every time he needs to, it comes as a surprise to you, and you don’t think you’ll ever see it coming. 

You do notice eventually that when Alhaitham needs to tell you something, he stands in front of you regardless of what you're doing and says your name tonelessly, though you feel unprepared each time it happens. In your defense, Alhaitham's tone of voice has never had variety. He also says your name like that when he asks you what you want for dinner or if you want him to leave the lights on for you when he goes to bed.

You wish you could say the scolding goes both ways in equal frequency, but Alhaitham is extremely organized and conscientious, so you never have much chance to tell him anything. He always washes the dishes after he eats, clears the table without asking, and does his chores when it's due. You do think he tends to leave his books laying around when he's done with them, but that's a habit you don't mind much. It's even a little fun for you to figure out which books he finished and where: the neuroscience book at his bed, the finance book at the dining table, the biography at the kitchen counter. You did have to tell him off about that last one, mainly because you wouldn't want it to get splashed with oil or food if it's left there. 

That's also the thing with Alhaitham. You only need to tell him once and he will remember and do it– if he finds it reasonable, of course. You never find another book in the kitchen or on the dining table, just stacks of books on the living room table. But even that gets cleaned up when you bring over snacks for the both of you to munch on as you watch TV and he reads. It's apparent to you that Alhaitham doesn't want his books to get dirty, so it all works out in the end.

It's usually never the small household things, but you remember you did have to talk to him about how to handle the landlord and the neighbors. As much as he doesn't care about what others think of him, you do. Especially when you want to leave a good impression on the landlord so they're more willing to help out or need to ask the neighbors for a cup of sugar. No matter how annoying they can be, you don't like to burn bridges, and perhaps that is the biggest difference between you and Alhaitham. 

Thankfully, when you tell him how you feel, he takes it in stride. You must have looked as surprised as you felt because he sighs at your expression. "You gave a logical reason," Alhaitham says, "so I concede. I'll be… cordial with the neighbors."

"You can tell them off if they play disco music again at 3am," you say, warmth swirling in your chest with the knowledge that Alhaitham listens to you. "Nothing against disco, of course."

"Of course," he says with dry amusement. "They're manageable. But if the landlord tries to check up on us after 10PM again-" 

"It's because you have such an early bedtime," you tease. The deadpan (read: grumpy) stare you get from Alhaitham makes you laugh. "But yeah, you can let him have it. As long as we don't get evicted."

"Has it come to mind that maybe you just stay up too late?" Alhaitham scoffs and you just smile sheepishly at him. "If they even try to wrongfully evict us, I'll have Cyno involved," he says, strangely ominous. "And believe me when I say that's the last thing any of us want."

When you ask about Cyno, Alhaitham gives you a short answer of “coworker” and leaves it at that. He would have moved on without any elaboration had you not reeled him back and asked follow-up questions.

What’s his role in the company? Attorney. 

Is he a good attorney? He gets his job done. 

Are you guys friends? gets you a blank stare that you give right back until Alhaitham responds with a “most likely.” He ignores your look of confusion and finishes his plate of salmon. 

Alhaitham is honest but he isn’t the most forthcoming with information about his life unless you ask. So, you suppose neither of you are very open.

You think the closest you get is how open you are about showering affection unto other people. When you like someone, whether it's platonic or romantic, it's hard not to show it through proximity. And you like Alhaitham a lot, so you teeter the line of being close to him at all times and giving him the space to actually breathe. You compromise by patting Alhaitham on the back when you pass by, peering over his shoulder to look at what he's cooking, or scooting closer to him on the couch so the two of you can share the blanket. 

You’re careful to gauge his reaction. If he shows any sign of disliking it, it would break your heart, but you would also respectfully keep your distance. Luckily enough for you, Alhaitham doesn’t bat an eye at your attempts to be close to him, so you lean over until you’re shoulder to shoulder to show him the latest funny and/or informational video you’ve found scrolling on your phone. Like clockwork, Alhaitham turns his head to look at your phone as you press the play button.

“It’s feng shui,” you tell him. You want to go into more detail, but you think the man in the video exuberantly helping other people rearrange their furniture is the only explanation Alhaitham will need. For most funny videos–if he happens to find them funny–you get to hear a huff of laughter from him. For the more informational videos, it either ends with a short “interesting” or starts an entirely new discussion between the two of you about the clip's content or something related. When the video ends you look at Alhaitham expectantly, and without fail, he provides you with a response. 

“Is this why you bought that potted plant the other day?” Alhaitham asks when the video begins to loop again, and you smile at him sheepishly.

“Well, no,” you say, “I actually just wanted to spruce up the living room a little bit, but!” You scroll through your phone. “I think there’s a video that talks about filling in the space with certain plants for good luck, so maybe I got the right sort of plant in the end.” 

There’s that huff of laughter, and you smile at your phone, heart fluttering at the thought of making him laugh. Your arm shifts against his as you continue to watch other videos, and he does not move away even as he uses his hand to flip his book to the next page. Having this knowledge makes you beam, but you taper it down just in case Alhaitham can see how lovestruck you are. 

And that’s how you know you’re not ‘open’, per say. You leave lingering touches on Alhaitham, seek his company and approval, but not once have you told him how much you like him. You’re conflicted about it, but no matter how open you have been about your feelings on anything else, with Alhaitham, there’s so much more to think about. Would he be okay with how you feel about him? Would he return your feelings? Does it matter if he returns your feelings now, as rapidly developing as they are? Alhaitham makes your heart flutter, your stomach flip, and your brain blank. But not for too long, luckily; Alhaitham would notice if you took a long time to answer his question and notice how you stare dreamily at him when he isn’t looking.

So you decide not to open that can of worms. For now. All you know now is that being with him makes you light, that every time he reciprocates your energy, you feel as though embers are sifting in your chest. 

It’s 2AM when you rub your eyes, sleep finally catching up to you. Alhaitham had gone to bed a few hours ago, bidding you goodnight and warning you to stop staying up so late if you really don’t want those eyebags you always complain about. It’s about a few hours past a healthy bedtime, but you suppose it’s better late than never when you close your laptop and head to the bathroom for your nightly routine. You’re quiet as you go through your toiletries, careful not to wake Alhaitham up with the noise, though the toilet flushing is out of your control.

You tiptoe into your shared bedroom a few minutes after, your eyes adjusting just enough in the dark to see where the blanket has been folded to lift and put yourself under. To your surprise, you hear Alhaitham shift the same time you do, turning his body so that it faces the center of the bed. You can’t see his eyes in the dark, but you think you can feel his gaze.

“Sorry,” you whisper, “did I wake you?”

“...No,” he says, just as quietly. You try not to melt at the softness of his voice in the covers of the dark. “I was still awake.”

“Couldn’t sleep?” You ask sympathetically, tucking yourself under the blankets and turning to face him. 

A sigh. “Unfortunately, no.” 

“Did you want to try taking something to help you sleep?”

“No, I usually don’t have any problems-” Alhaitham stops, and you wait for him to speak again, the only sounds in the bedroom are your shared breaths. “Never mind. If I can’t fall asleep in the next twenty minutes, I’ll find a solution.” 

“Alright,” you say, yawning. You laugh quietly when you hear Alhaitham follow after you. “Let me know if you need anything.” 

You guess Alhaitham found a way to sleep because the next time you wake up, the sun has almost reached its apex. Your stomach growls when you smell lunch cooking a room away. 

.

.

.

Alhaitham can’t remember the last time someone has wanted to spend as much time with him as you do. Granted, he actively avoids people to prevent exactly that, but you are, he finds, the exception for many things in his life recently.

Alhaitham wouldn’t say he is touch-adverse, but he isn’t particular to physical touch at all. Only family has ever been that familiar with him, and even then, it is not excessive. He remembers most vividly the head pats that his grandmother would give him, his mother’s hand in his when he was young, and his father’s firm grip on his shoulder when he tells Alhaitham he’s proud of him. And when he did find himself in a group of people he didn’t mind being around, they weren’t exactly the touchiest of people either. He imagines Cyno trying to put his arm around his shoulder in a show of camaraderie and almost grimaces in real life. The only person who would even consider doing something like that to him would be Kaveh, but that’s only when he’s had quite a few drinks in…

With you around, he’s beginning to become more familiar with being close to you, in a literal sense. He feels it is subconscious for you most of the time, the way you hold onto his shoulders to go around him or the times you talk to him, a nudge here or a slap on the back there when you’re particularly amused about something. The frequency of touches has only grown since the two of you have gotten to know each other. Without knowing how physically affectionate you are previously, Alhaitham finds it hard to tell whether or not you’re doing it on purpose until you start asking him for permission. 

“Alhaitham,” you start to say, pointing to the seat directly next to him on the couch, “can I sit next to you?”

“Alhaitham,” you ask, pulling your hand back after showing him a video on your phone, “do you mind if I lean on you a little bit?”

“Alhaitham,” you say sleepily, lifting your head up from his shoulder for a moment, “is this okay?”

It’s very straightforward, he thinks after you let out an appreciative sound when he replies with an affirmation. Your head is an unfamiliar weight on his shoulder, but it is not uncomfortable, and he thinks he will get used to it very soon, if he hasn’t already. It’s become almost instinctual to do some things with you, beyond the habits that he has formed with living with you like the chore rotation or cooking for four people. Having your presence next to him is one of them. 

It’s almost comforting how predictable your actions are. When you slide into bed with him as he reads, you’ll almost always inch forward until you can comfortably show him some videos on your phone if the algorithm is to his taste. Without fail, you end up falling asleep with your head by his hand. Alhaitham never moves away though; he lets you stay as you are, close enough that your breaths tickle his arm. He reasons that it would be a hassle waking you up and making you move. You don’t fall asleep as easily as he does, kicking and turning before you leave the room for a glass of water so as to not bother him. (Another reason why you should start sleeping early as a habit, he thinks.)

And without fail, when the two of you go grocery shopping together, you will reach out for his arm to hold onto as he pushes the cart. You’ll hold onto the list the two of you made together, eyes on the screen of your phone as you trust Alhaitham to guide you through the throng of people safely. You don’t even blink when he has to tug your arm to move you from incoming foot traffic, but when the danger has cleared, you will always look at him and smile gratefully before going back to your list.

Speaking of the list, the two of you always make a list– you say this with a hint of exasperation. It's the result of an hour discussion of what groceries the two of you need for that week. And without fail the two of you will end up spending another fifteen minutes or so debating on the necessity of some extra items while shopping.

Some of the things that you insist on do annoy him somewhat, just because of how unrealistic it is. You do and will never need the bulk-sized croissants that will go bad before the two of you can eat them all, despite your insistence to bring the leftovers to work. He’d rather not be known as the coworker who brings free food; he can already imagine the racket his coworkers would cause with the free food let alone have him be the one to bring it. 

But you wouldn’t be able to live with him so well if you couldn’t hold yourself up in a discussion. Even Alhaitham caves if the madeleines are on sale or if the linguini pasta is a buy two get one free deal. “You know we both love eating these,” you would tell him. “And we always end up needing more pasta by the end of the month.”  

You always look so pleased when he tells you that ‘you have a point,’ as though winning an argument against him– if you can even call it that– is a cause for celebration. (He has a feeling that many of his coworkers would agree, so he keeps silent.) 

The times where he wants to purchase something, and you don’t are rare and far in-between. You have a habit of indulging his purchases, or perhaps you simply trust him to be financially frugal. He does find out that the two of you have a similar sense of humor though, when he buys the most experimental (read: ugly) art piece for the apartment and weeks later you still can’t stop laughing when you look at it on his side of the bed. 

With amusement, Alhaitham finds that you are easily prone to laughter. You can laugh at his dry, sardonic humor and turn around to laugh at a sex joke on your phone right after. (“You’re not going to ask your fiancé if they’re good after choking on their own spit?” “You’re talking just fine, aren’t you?” “Boo-o-o-o-o.”) 

Some parts of you he will never comprehend, but Alhaitham enjoys being able to unveil the different sides of you, layer by layer. It’s almost like a never-ending puzzle trying to figure out what makes you tick and the habits that make you you. 

What he doesn’t realize, as he finds out one sleepless night, is how these new habits affect him. 

Alhaitham can hear you start to get ready for bed hours after he has. He glances at the clock and barely represses a sigh when he sees that it’s already 2 AM. He’s never stayed up this late, even when he was still in school, and yet here he is, almost bleary eyed as he struggles to sleep without you there. 

And he knows that’s the reason why. There is no other justification. He’s worked out today so he should be thoroughly tired. He’s avoided blue-light, so his circadian rhythm isn’t disrupted. The only difference now is how much he has grown accustomed to having you in the same bed as him, a familiar warmth on the other pillow. 

Alhaitham almost wants to call his grandmother and demand if this is what she wanted for him. (She would probably just laugh until she cried. Maybe even be a little proud, though Alhaitham wouldn’t quite understand why.) Is this what it was all for? Dependency on another person for a good night’s sleep? It’s almost unthinkable for him to have gotten to this stage when he has never, ever relied on someone to live his life the way he wanted it to be. 

But then you finally get to bed, whisper to him good night, and Alhaitham finds his eyes closing as they should have been hours ago. 

Alhaitham wakes up feeling refreshed and unable to be miffed at you for ruining his sleep schedule, unbeknownst to you. Perhaps, like the many other things he has adapted to through living with you, needing to sleep next to you is something else he will get used to.

(Since when has that become so natural to him?)

.

.

.

You’ve been trying to sleep at the same time as Alhaitham lately. 

For one, he sleeps at a healthy time, which you haven’t done for years now. Secondly, it’ll be better for you in the long-run with your work schedule. And finally, you now have a reason other than work to go through with it. Alhaitham is encouraging you to do it and how could you say ‘no’ to that? Some parts of it are positive reinforcement (“Sleep is good for your health.”) and other parts of it sound more like a threat (“Didn’t you say your eyebags had eyebags just yesterday?”). You think maybe it just gets rid of any interruptions when you come into bed in the middle of the night, but Alhaitham rarely takes a long time to fall back asleep even if you do wake him up. 

Alhaitham has been the reason for a lot of your rather positive changes. Slow changes, you think, as you play on your laptop when Alhaitham shuts his book to head to sleep. Blue light be damned, you feel a yawn coming on already despite it only being 9 PM, a testament to the habits you’ve been building with Alhaitham. But old habits die hard, and your dailies have yet to be done for Genshin. You know the light makes it hard for Alhaitham to sleep so you close your laptop, slipping out of bed with the intention to play in the living room for a few minutes. 

“Wait,” Alhaitham says, stopping you before you stand. “You can stay.”

The words alone from Alhaitham are enough to make warmth swirl in your chest. You think your voice is softer when you speak to him, “But won’t the sounds and lights bother you?” To your surprise, you watch as Alhaitham pulls out an eye mask and earbuds from his nightstand. 

You don’t know if you’re too much of a hopeless romantic or if you’re reading too much into this, but you think maybe– perhaps– Alhaitham would rather inconvenience himself with using an eye mask and earbuds than have you leave his side. You feel your heart flutter, though you think you mask it well when you tease him, “You miss me that much when I’m gone?” 

You see Alhaitham roll his eyes before setting in his eye mask and earbuds. “Good night,” he says. 

You watch him for a little bit afterwards, heartbeat thrumming in your ears, and all you can think about is the fact that he never said ‘no’ to you. (And he would if you were wrong. You know he would; he has never let a lie stand when it’s the two of you.) 

The giddiness never leaves– you don’t know if it will ever– but a wave of tranquility rolls over you too. A pervading warmth. A sense of belonging that mixes itself with the tangles in your stomach. Something in you shifts, and you think you’re beyond infatuation now. 

You’re in love with Alhaitham. 

You take another glance at him before going back to your game, wondering if he would wear a funny eye mask if you were to buy it for him. (You love him.) You finish your dailies in a few minutes and close your laptop, the fan quieting until all you can hear is silence. (You love him.) You turn off the last lamp of the room and slide underneath the blanket. You hear Alhaitham shift on his side of bed, turning towards you, and you wonder if he knows he does that every time you slip into bed with him. 

Just as you lean into him on the couch or bicker with him over groceries, this, too, is starting to feel natural: you love him.

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.

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taglist:

@crowbird @thetwinkims @jaguarthecat @tanspostsblog @dxstopiaa @yoimyas @theprinceofkhaos @homeinhobii @nagisuterus @sleep-deprivedracoon @scentedcandlesandcookies @secretlyrexlapis @flooffi @kibbly-bibbly @loki-zos-galvus

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Routine in Gold

Foul Legacy Childe x Reader Gender Neutral (no pronouns mentioned) Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Initial dislike of Childe, fear, allusions to blood and injuries, allusions to PTSD, fear

You despise the Harbinger Tartaglia, but your job at the Golden House brings you closer to him than you think.

so i was writing this and it got SO LONG and i’m only about halfway through the story i want >:O so i’m gonna split it into two parts!!! this part is mostly hurt comfort with some fluff at the end, a lil calm before the storm >:)

this covers your initial feelings and meeting Foul Legacy!!

~ * ~

Part One

~ * ~

The Golden House attracts chaos. You can see the irony in that statement- a building meant for storing and holding mora, where the only sounds should be scales creaking and coins clinking as the accountants add together the finances of the nation- being a center for fights and disagreements? Before last week, you’d say the idea was laughable. The entirety of Liyue still trembles from the recent incident, the reawakening of the Overlord of the Vortex, the sea god Osial. Although he was swiftly defeated by the Traveler and their companions, the citizens of the Harbor still go about their days tense and wary, jumping at the slightest sound. You’re no exception to this, although in some cases you were more irritated than anything; the Golden House had been thoroughly destroyed from the inside, and you were tasked with the main cleanup by your superiors, which put quite a damper on your day if you were being honest. It doesn’t particularly help that you know the person mainly responsible for ransacking the building, and had to walk past him everyday on your way to work. You were there in the building when the Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, Tartaglia, had challenged the Traveler to a battle; had felt the Golden House shiver and tremble under their respective powers, before the main floor was cracked open by some otherworldly force and the battle followed the Traveler down into the basement. The only positive was that you were on the floor above them, and could only feel the building quake and crumble around you as you held fast to the wall and feared for your life. You remember the feeling of ice-cold panic in your chest, spreading fast and thick through your veins and bones as you shut your eyes and prayed to Morax, who was supposedly dead, that you’d make it out alive. And you did live, with no injuries worse than an ugly scar on your mind over the incident, steering you away from high places and fights with a rapidly beating heart and clenched fists. It’s this panic, these memories that you turn into bitterness and hatred towards the Eleventh Harbinger, passing the Northland Bank each day with contempt in your step. Internally you know that it’s your only defense preventing the jostled part of your brain from consuming your entire being, although you’d never dare to tell anyone, and so you turn away whenever you catch even a glimpse of his ginger hair. To your near-constant relief, Tartaglia normally is found only inside the Bank on early mornings, leaving you free to hurry past the Fatui guards without a second glance. But once in a while he’ll already be outside when you pass, wide-eyed and ready for a fight and always always jogging over to join you on your walk down the Harbor. Today is one of those days, you can see him standing there, as if he’s waiting for you with your morning routine memorized front and back, and you grimace. Tartaglia pays no mind, or perhaps he simply doesn’t see, and falls in step beside you, hands clasped behind his back as he picks up a lively chatter involving something and someone you don’t care about. You steadily ignore his continuous talk about whosits and whatsits until he shifts the tone to battle with a sudden malicious tone slipping into his voice, and you stiffen. There’s an eerily wide grin on his face as he gazes somewhere far away, hands becoming more and more expressive as his words lilt with horrible excitement. You shudder involuntarily, hands clutching your bag so tightly they feel like cold fire as his talk of fighting brings back memories you loath to see, and between gritted teeth you force out the words to tell him to go away. He simply laughs, because you’re not at work yet, comrade! There’re still several meters to go, but you step quicker and spit the phrase out again laced with venom before breaking into a run, turning the corner and dashing up the stairs to the Golden House to slip inside and slam the doors behind you. You slide to the floor, face in your knees to give you a moment’s reprieve from your racing heart and hurried breaths before you force yourself to think of nothing, nothing but work and papers and cleaning and sorting. The bottom floor of the House still needs work, in shambles from the Traveler’s battle with… him, and the name fades from your mind as you narrow your focus and vision. Although your current task is “cleanup of the lower storeroom”, as your superior states, hours go by before you even think of going down, held up by paperwork and meetings and planning even though you’ve been working for a good few days on the cleanup project, so when you finally take the back stairs and descend to the storeroom it’s a good deal past lunchtime, and your stomach is empty and your brow is creased- your daily routine in gold. You forgive yourself for not noticing immediately, the thing kneeling in the center of the room, watching you intensely as you carefully survey the rubble pushed aside to the walls, grumbling in irritation at the sight. Only when you turn, eyes scanning the paper you’re holding before idly glancing up, do you see the creature staring at you and jump out of your skin to stumble and scramble back. You’re pressing yourself against the wall, inching towards the stairway again when the peculiar monster heaves itself to its feet and limps in your direction, steps heavy and exhausted, and all you can do is freeze as still as a statue and watch the creature approach you. Instinctively your eyes trace the beast’s silhouette, over and across its curving crimson horns and face of the same shade, armor jutting black and violet and lilac, cape-like wings glittering like starlight, claws so sharp and shiny and stained with dark liquid that you almost don’t notice its eye, shining like the moon, blue as the ocean’s depths, and you almost think it’s beautiful, in a twisted sense. The creature comes nearer, almost dragging itself towards you, before it suddenly stumbles and falls, barely catching itself on the floor as the pavement cracks beneath it. Your breath hitches in fear as you wish to sink into the cold wall and disappear, mind a torrent of shouts and quakes, and you squeeze your eyes shut, wondering if the monster will give you a quick death, at the very least. A choked whine brings you back out of the dark fog, eyes blinking cautiously open again and sliding to the creature, hunched on the floor. It whines again, palm pressed deep into its side that’s leaking a dark, shining liquid dripping steadily on the floor, and concern begins worming its way into your heart as you slowly peel yourself from the wall and take a step forward. When the monster doesn’t move you take another step, then another, then another, until you’re standing before it, trembles running through your body as you gulp down the lump in your throat and hesitantly ask the monster if it’s alright. Its head snaps up at the sound of your voice and you jump back, but it simply leans in and presses its head into your shoulder, a whimper slipping from its throat. You balk at the sudden weight and quickly wrap your hands around the creature to support it, hands sinking into the copious amounts of blood-spattered fluff around its shoulders as a clawed hand gingerly clasps around your arm. With one hand you rifle around in your bag and pull out a roll of gauze, always on hand ever since you accidentally tore your knee open one day. Your words are hushed and gentle as you wrap the bandages around every gash you can find, securing it in loops and knots over the injuries and watching strangely-glittering blood stain the white gauze the color of the night sky. The creature slumps and forces itself into a sitting position, letting out small, heartbreaking yelps of pain whenever you brush your fingers over its wounds, and you murmur apology after apology as you work. By the time you’re finished, your fingers are stained a dark bluish-black and your bandages are completely used, splashes of white against the beast’s dark armor that shake as it trembles with pain, reaching for you desperately, like you’re the only person it desires for all eternity. You give in and oblige, extending a hand to pet the top of the creature’s head, and you feel it sag in relief at your touch as you trail your hand down and around its face and cup its cheek in your palm. It warbles blissfully, eye slipping shut so it can nuzzle into your hand, an odd purr-like sound rumbling up from deep inside its chest, and when you draw your hand away so you can finally get back to work it looks at you, heartbroken. But you gesture towards the rubble and the paper in your hand and the monster perks up, rising unsteadily to its feet, and as you clean and drag heavy stones and sweep the dust away, it follows you, always at your back to catch you with a sweet trill if you slip- a few times it even helps you move particularly massive chunks of floor, and soon when you check your watch it’s past dinnertime. You stretch your arms above your head, bones crackling and popping like fireworks, and sigh. The creature sits nearby, looking at you curiously, and you go over to say goodbye, and farewell ‘till next time, giving it a few light pats on the head which it leans and rumbles into. It goes a step further and pulls you in for a gentle embrace, nudging its face into your neck and cooing at the sound of your laughter as the beast’s fluff tickles your skin like a cloud. In the crook of your neck the creature whines softly, holding you tighter at the thought of losing you, and you thread your fingers through its ginger hair with quiet reassurances, determination flooding through your body. A week. A week from today, same place, same time, you’ll meet again- can you do that? Unfortunately work will swallow you whole until then, but you can chart a few hours to use to steal away to the basement again. You delicately touch your forehead to the monster’s, the ridges of its keratin-woven face pressing into your skin as it rumbles contemplatively. Today… A week… Monday… Yes. It nods and chirps in delight, shivering with excitement, and you smile easily, your lips pointing upwards as easy as counting mora as you pick up your bag and wave goodbye, heart warm and light towards the thought of the fated next week. And the Abyssal beast watches you go, fluttering his wings in utter joy despite the sparking pain still present from the Traveler’s sword, and he grins, too, full of anticipation and amazement and hope, hope that you’ll finally take the hand he’s kept outstretched to you ever since he first saw you on the bridge of the Bank. All he has to do is wait a week.

[tarotnoob]

PAC: Relationship reading for couples (next 3 months)

1. Truth be told and chaos and conflict

2. Peace

3. Exchanging gifts

Please take a moment to choose a pile and scroll for your message. I did these with the intention that these may be issues or situations that would come up within the next 3 months

Pile 1

Hi, pile one!

It feels like, you and your partner in the next 3 months, will have some type of heart to heart. Chaos and conflict is about being true to yourself, and it's also about if you are having a confrontation or a conversation with someone, to consider trying to find some type of compromise if possible. Truth be told is similar in that, it's sharing something you believe and doing it sincerely and earnestly and with a gentleness. So, it could be that the two of you have some type of conflict. It could be minor it could be major. But the idea is that instead of immediately jumping into a defensive or aggressive mode, to consider handling the conversation or disagreement with gentleness and love. But to still be true to yourself in what you want and how usually following this type of conversation within a relationship, it tends to strengthen the relationship. Because this other card is talking about consider your foundation and look at how committed you are to love. So we are talking about a conversation or conflict management in a relationship that solidifies the love here. That you're willing to open up and be honest and talk to each other from a place of compassion or understanding or at least patience.

The divine sensuality card, of course you may be up to physical stuff in the next 3 months if you are into that, or what I feel more this card is about has to do with the intimacy that comes from talking about feelings or talking about important matters related to how you see things or how you feel about things within the relationship. Specifically, this could be a discussion about something to do with your sexual relationship. At the very least, there's also a slight message of, making sure you are clear in the bedroom with telling your partner what makes you feel good or what you want. That could be a conflict for some of you. I think healthy relationships should involve honest communication always, but especially if it is involving your body. If it doesn't feel good, you should say so. If you're not in the mood, you should say so. If there's something that you would like to try, why not present it without feeling ashamed or guilty for whatever your fantasy is.

That's not for everyone because generally this is basically about coming to a crossroads or even two people coming to some type of impasse and then what do you do after that. You have to have a conversation, has to be honest, has to come from a place where you are willing to work something out. Of course if it's a situation where it's not salvageable then that's another thing but I'm not sensing it's a huge conflict. I feel like it's a minor one where instead of holding back, you go ahead and say what it is that's on your mind. Even the tarot are pretty straightforward here we have the two of wands which can be at a crossroads where you can take two different paths. I'm seeing it more as two paths converging in the scenario where two people are meeting and trying to figure out which way to go because clearly the two people would like to go on the same path as opposed to separate ones. The nine of cups is about things that we want or desire as well as contentment. so we have some type of choice or decision on which way to go where we would be happiest or we are going in the direction that we want. And I feel like this is meant for both of you as in what direction do both of you choose to go in that moment, where do you want to go. So some of you could be also having a conversation about okay what's the next step for us, where is this going?

Then we have Queen of swords looking back at this. So we know that again, some type of communication has to happen, it has to be honest, and potentially there may be decisions that need to be made.

I think this pile is pretty straightforward. There is some interesting synchronicity with the numbers happening. It was 909 when I sat down to look at the cards for you. There is a 33 card and a 22 card. And then we have another two. And then we have two fives.

But essentially what we have the most are twos and fives. This for me is twos are relationships and fives are typically changed and conflict. I don't know if I feel like throwing the 33 in because threes are like abundance or fertility or could include a third party situation. I don't really want to get into that because I don't think that's very strong here but obviously a third person situation would cause some type of chaos and conflict. I mean, if this is a two-person relationship anyway. Or, for all I know maybe you could be considering a threesome. But the point is still whatever the situation may be, to be true to yourself and to have an honest conversation about what's going on and what each of you want and if you both want to head in the same direction on this topic. And yes I am drawn to the sacral chakra, however that may be relevant. That's the chakra that has to do a lot with creativity or sexual identity.

So, I would think that for a lot of you besides this just being about the intimacy of a conversation, but it maybe a conversation about something to do with your sexual life.

For some of you, it may be a conversation about when are we going to have children or if one person doesn't want to have kids and one of you does, you might reach a point where you have to confront that issue.

Rather than go around in circles, I think you have the idea. So, just remember this the next time a conflict happens in the next couple of months where it feels like the two of you aren't on the same page and need to clear the air or talk about things that you've been avoiding or what path you're going to take together in regard to a next step in the relationship. It might also be a situation where it's a personality thing where maybe the two of you have these differences and one or both is being stubborn because of this, so there may be a need to hear each other out and respect each other's differences of opinions or differences in personality and try to figure out the situation together as best as possible.

---

Pile 2

This is an interesting reading for a relationship reading. The good news is everything seems positive. And at the back of the deck, I have 10 of cups, the universe, three of pentacles. So already there is a theme of being at peace, being happy where you are, maybe a feeling of completeness or some type of completion happening in the relationship. I don't know if there's any reason to think completion as in an end because I'm not really seeing that but there is a sense of coming full circle. Especially since we have the wheel of Fortune here as well which makes me think of, things turning or things changing or shifting and usually this only happens at the end of a cycle. But, what I see in the next 3 months, it's not specifically talking about the relationship I don't think maybe because the relationship will actually be quite solid. Because the focus seems to be on you. I'm not saying it as a codependency issue here, but several of the cards are focusing on you and you doing you and you doing the work on yourself. Because literally we have love who you are and we have freedom. And then we have extremely non-romantic tarot cards. It could be a reminder to even though while you are in a relationship, sometimes we lose our individual identity and just start identifying as a couple, to not forget about yourself and the things you want to work on and the things that you want to change.

Because just with a tarot, it is pentacles to me is somebody working on something. Literally it can be about career and developing a skill or studying and page of pentacles is also about learning or starting a learning journey or starting a new job. So for some of you, you could be taking up something that is just about you. It could be a new job, it could be a hobby. But you're doing it for you like you want to take some baking classes, you want to learn Italian, you want to become a life coach. Great. I feel like you will find your own peace by making sure that you are still in touch with who you are as an individual. And not compromising anything for the sake of someone else. That might even be overall advice for your relationship if you picked this pile. To not lose yourself in the relationship. So I guess yes it is kind of a codependency message but it's not saying you are specifically codependent but it's certainly what you would do in order to avoid that type of relationship. Because when I do look at the peace card besides it being about probably there's general happiness in the relationship right now, that also it could be like okay well now we've become one and we're just this one egg instead of two people. Or maybe it feels natural or easy to just blend together.

It doesn't really matter. Because I don't see any conflict regarding the relationship. I feel like there is a part of you that would like to see some change in your life. That could be all kinds of things but it is looking more toward working on yourself in some way. Some of you might pick up an exercise routine that you want to do on your own. Going to the gym. Going for a run. Mostly it's looking like more related to something with learning. Wheel of Fortune can be the card of the fixed signs. So there could be a sense of feeling stuck or bored. It doesn't have to mean with the relationship, it could just be with your own level of activity. But however it resonates. And I also read this as the Sagittarius card, which Sagittarius is often about education and learning, it can also be about spirituality and religion. So it feels like maybe there is also the potential for just wanting to explore something that interests you, it could be spirituality or whatever else but this seems to be overall for the betterment of you. As in like to lift your spirit or to elevate your frequency or to go through some expansion. Getting to know yourself again or feeling more independent within your relationship, feeling like you have your own schedule and your own friends and the freedom to do so. It just depends on in the relationship if pursuing that ever causes conflict. I know there's some level of compromise in relationships. I don't think there are many people who want a partner who goes out partying and to clubs every night, but if you want to go out you know once on the weekend with friends or every couple of weekends. But that's you know depending on your situation, maybe you like to go out every night. But the point is to still feel comfortable enough in this relationship to do your own thing. To do things that you feel passionate about or call to do or just interested in without feeling tied down to somebody. I don't see this as let's pick this up and do this together, this is your stuff. So that's interesting, maybe you're just being urged to do more of that. So, if you're considering something but you are worried about well that takes time away from our couple stuff, like no. Don't become one of those people. Go do your own thing, be a person outside of your relationship, pursue something that's going to make you feel like you're going to grow. It would make sense if you are looking more heavily into spiritual stuff during this time that makes you feel a lot more empowered and at peace. So you could maybe be looking into yoga too. Or learning how to do physical massages for people. I think maybe not only will this activity bring you peace, but it potentially could be a skill you learn that could bring peace to others. So it could also be some of you might be taking classes on counseling. But you get the idea. This isn't really a relationship reading other than I think to keep the peace within you, just make sure you're asserting that you have your own life too. And it's okay to embrace that. And definitely that looks like it's for the best for you, but overall, I think it would be beneficial to a healthy relationship to maintain that kind of balance so there's no smothering or codependency.

---

Pile 3

I'm going to rewrite this pile. When I wrote it a few days ago it was not a pleasant message, and I'll stay true to that message for those who need to hear it, but I'll try to keep it more succinct. And maybe try to remember the clarifiers since I just deleted everything.

The exchanging gifts card is like the six of cups card in that this is about equal relationships, reciprocal relationships. I remember when I clarified it, I got queen of swords and 10 of swords - which made sense given what I was seeing in that, we have someone who is in a fair amount of mental anguish, it could particularly be about a decision, and one in which - letting go would be just as hard as being in a situation that already sucks. Basically a toxic situation.

Ask for help is obvious - asking for help when you need it or providing to others. Next to the exchanging gifts, again you'd wonder if it's a situation in which one person is asking a lot of the other but isn't reciprocating or one person has a difficult time asking for help or sharing something to their partner when upset. It could be you or the other person or both.

The coral message that would be relevant is the idea of destroying something beautiful or long-term or not being appreciative of resources. So, again there is an oracle message involving... an inequality or power dynamic issue within a relationship. I actually feel it's more you that is having this difficulty opening up about something but that doesn't mean that there's also an issue with a partner who always needs something or has to have the last word - but again, it can be you and do to such and such, have an issue with sabotaging relationships - so take how it resonates.

Knight of Swords, Two of swords, devil, ace of wands.

I'm still getting more 8 of swords type energy here. Let me give you a few scenarios here. Knight of Swords and a Two of Swords definitely reads like a decision is impending or necessary but there may be hesitation. With Devil here, it could be reasons to let go or not let go, but, imo, it's like the decision would mean being able to release a bad situation, yet there's a reluctance to do so?

When I clarified I wondered if maybe the ace of wands and devil combo wasn't necessarily about sexual desire (but it could be), it felt more like an impulse or desire to engage in risky or spontaneous behaviors that weren't in your best interest and maybe not necessarily having the thought of mind of ... what's good. So yeah I keep getting self-sabotage and destructive behaviors.

If you were in a toxic relationship, then I'd expect maybe the partner might exhibit these behaviors. Or, if it's you, you would be the one to do so - like... sadism but like without the responsible rules for it bc you just want to cause pain or a masochist but like just wants to feel pain, thinking or acting on ideas of cheating, drugs, drinking, mind games, manipulation. Creating drama or fights for the sake of excitement and prioritizing that over long-term stability of the relationship or mental health of a partner.

You get the idea. If that's a situation you find yourself in in the next 3 months, well - the decision here is to ask for help if you need out of it or if you're the one inflicting pain on a partner, to seek out professional help with modifying behaviors or medication or therapy.

All we know for sure is there's... an imbalance in this relationship and someone seems to have toxic or addictive behaviors happening. There may be a frequency of verbal conflicts in which very harsh words are spoken, someone may even get a thrill out of winning said fights and that's why they cause them.

Another way to read this could be that... you are having an issue that's pretty serious, maybe an addiction or really negative state of mind, depressed or something or maybe it's even a grudge that's starting to form because you feel like you don't always get help from your partner when you want it. What's possible is, there's a buildup in the way you're (or the partner) is thinking and it's.... kinda negative, kinda festering, kinda unhealthy... but someone takes the action to share that with the partner or if they are having a huge mental health or addiction issue they reach out to the partner and share that - and by opening up or asking for help or having a convo about a more reciprocal relationship that probably is... like okay i listen to you but do you listen to me or i help you when you're down, can you help me out here? i just feel like the swords here indicate thinking and communication and certain blocks in those areas... with the two of swords it might be something you've fought about over time... and normally this card is about choices or decisions but the image has the swords being put into the ground as if people have laid down their swords... and then ace of wands could signify a kind of rekindling of a flame after this convo or situation.

there are lots of ways to twist these cards for... maybe even darker scenarios but as i said, the potential most obvious reads are a big realization about being in a toxic relationship; having an individual crisis (or your partner is) in which someone really needs help or to be heard and that conversation is important in opening up something or allowing healing - at the very least it's a big fight or a big blow up or a big confrontation about what annoys you about each other - or it's a sincere conversation about hurt feelings or big issues said in a way that's not super harsh... but i do see the oracles as mostly being about reciprocation and reaching out and potentially (community), so some type of reciprocal help or providing comfort or communication.

but if you... notice any red flags, trust your intuition... and if you're the person sabotaging bc that's a behavioral pattern that continues to exist in your relationships - then... you might hurt but you're always going to hurt someone else until you deal with the root of those issues. but my sense is someone in this scenario is mentally in a bad place, needs help, may lash out, may start arguments.

i can't spin it in any other ways, so i'll leave you with that. and if you feel stuck in any situation, ask for help to whomever you feel safe to seek it from, if it's a reliable partner or friend or professional... or if it's a not great relationship, it could also be that you're considering trying to break up or leave it... if there's codependency issues too.. mutual destructive behaviors...

maybe also like.... your eyes have been straying and you feel kinda guilty about it. maybe there's someone else you're interested in and you don't want to or don't know how to break up. bc i do also have third party vibes. and i keep thinking of cheating.

so yeah rough stuff but i have to say what i see or you're free to come up with your own interpretation of the cards - so. and if you don't resonate with it, just pick another pile. you'll know if this isn't a pile for you!!

[losolvidad0s]

Culebra, A. Reyes

Summary: When you learn of EZ’s DEA deal, your relationship with Angel is put on the line. 

warnings: swearing, a n g s t 😩 

word count: 1.7K

a/n: hi everyone! I am slowing jumping back into the writing groove so here is an angsty Angel Reyes fic that made my heart crack right down the middle, wahhh. Love my emo baby Angel. Enjoy! Thank you for +350 followers!

taglist: @cind-in-real-life  @kchavez666  @dearsamcrobae  @courtrae89 @cocotheclown  @brattyfics  @gemini0410  @angelreyesgirl  @jasmine10128  @briana-mishell24   @starrynite7114 @est1887  @joannasteez​  @amorestevens​  @bidenbussy​  @empireroyals​ (please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!)

(gif belongs to @haydenpanettieres ✨)

“Please, EZ, tell me this is some kind of sick joke.”

EZ looks at you with soft eyes, a defeated expression painted over his face as he remains stoic. If there was a chance this was a prank then you’d just wait til the boyish grin forms on his lips but that never comes. He brings his hands to hold the front of his kutte, a defense mechanism of his. 

A heaviness settles in your chest and the pit of your stomach as his words begin to replay in your mind. He tries to give you an apologetic look as you process everything. After a few moments, the worry turns into frustration then quickly to anger.

“I made a deal with the Drug Enforcement Administration that got my sentence reduced to half by becoming a part of the Mayans MC to get Intel on the Galindo Cartel.”

Your hands push against EZ’s chest, which he wasn’t expecting, causing him to stumble back. The shoves keep coming the angrier you get. “Y/N, stop.” He tries to get ahold on your wrist to stop you but the adrenaline fuels you to be quicker than him for a brief moment.

Eventually, he is able to grasp and hold your wrist steady between the two of you and as you try to break free, you cry out. “How could you? How could you do that to him? Why, EZ?!” The break in your voice when you scream his name makes him let go and step back. Your face now wet with tears, voice well on its way to becoming hoarse. 

“I had to, it was the only way. If I didn’t then..”

You scoff, “Then what? You’d have to finish your sentence? You choose to hurt your brother rather than finishing YOUR sentence that you got YOURSELF into? How selfish of you. You disgust me!” Your shoulder harshly collides with his as you walk off.

When EZ had asked to grab dinner, you didn’t expect it to end this way. After getting a bite to eat at a favorite food truck, he took a different route back to Angel’s apartment, saying he needed a friend. You thought it could be him needing to talk about how things have been hectic in the MC. Being a prospect and all.

“Y/N.” He calls out to you as you walk away from him in the darkness, you don’t go very far though. You feel defeated knowing all of this is only going to end one way, Angel’s heart being broken. You slowly turn back, “He’s gonna hate me.” Your voice barely above a whisper.  

This relationship with Angel has been a rocky one. It’s been on and off for the past year but when EZ was released from prison and began prospecting for the MC it somehow helped Angel to establish a foundation with you, opening his eyes in some way. He saw how loyal you were to him and that you were the only constant. But with this, that could jeopardize it all.

EZ watches you as a million thoughts run through your mind. He can see that you’ve been holding your breath for sometime now, “You can’t tell him.” You couldn’t believe you were saying it. Whose side are you on anyways? Would this be considered fraternizing with the enemy by asking him to keep quiet? 

His brows crease as he steps forward, “Whaddaya mean, Y/N? I have to, eventually. The DEA, they need intel and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this under the radar without risking someone getting caught under the bus. Me or them.”

“EZ, this will break him beyond repair. I can’t lose him to this. I worked very hard to get him to want me the way he does now. And the second he realizes I knew, I’m dirt to him. I can’t have that. So no, don’t tell him. You can figure out a way to keep this under water while still holding up your end of the bargain.” You plead to him, having moved closer. He searches your eyes and gently nods. A small smile appears on your lips as a rugged breath breaks through. EZ wraps his arms around you as you cry.

For a while, you thought this could all work out. It was going so well that you almost forgot about all of it. Then came the night where Angel mentioned something unexpected came up with the MC and that he’d be off the radar til the next day. It didn’t come off as worrisome with you as you’ve gotten used to these kinds of things. But then came the following morning. 

You were making your way to Angel’s apartment, surprising him with breakfast. As you go to knock the door opens and a visibly angry Angel is standing there, a pile of your clothes bundled in his arms. “Angel?”

“Ah. perfect timing, here.” He drops it at your feet with force and disappears into the apartment. You stand through shocked for a moment before stumbling over the clothes to follow him. You call out his name as you set down the bag and two coffees.  

He appears once again, more clothes and your bathroom bag. He flies it towards you, you trying to catch it but failing to. You have no idea what’s going on. But he mumbles something under his breath. Culebra. As if the air in the room suddenly begins to run out, barely any left to breath it hits you all at once. Angel continues to drop things at your feet.

“Angel…” You begin but he stops in front of you, his towering figure making you peer up at him. He starts to move towards you, an instinct of yours to keep out of harm's way and in this instant harm seems to be Angel. “Baby, talk to me.”

He bites his bottom lip, letting out a low chuckle, “I got nothing to say to you. In fact, it’s almost like when you had nothing to say to me. Boy scout and pops, I could see that coming. But you? Keeping a secret like that from me. For 2 fucking weeks?”

The venom is dripping off his tongue with hurt gleaming in his eyes.

You attempt to reach out and touch him, you being a physical lover rather than a verbal kind, but he pushes it away, “I trusted you, I opened my life to you despite being sketched out to do but I fucking did but you! You’re the one who can’t even be honest with me. It was always ‘It’s Angel’s fault, you dig yourself in these holes, Angel. Be real with me, Angel.’ But look, my own fucking girlfriend.”

The heat is literally radiating off him. But what excuse do you have? You shared his frustrations when EZ first told you but you became selfish and decided to keep quiet about it. You wanted the good times to keep rolling and because of the selfishness, it’s all crashing. 

Angel steps away from you, “I wanted to tell you. I did!”

“But you fucking didn’t. You choose him over me, you did that knowing it meant Ezekiel over Angel! No hesitation.’ He screams at you, pointing his fingers.

A sob falls from your lips as you see him breaking like a tide taking away a sandcastle. It hurts more than you imagined it would. The outcome of telling him would’ve been immensely better than this one. Why did you think it could all go away and never come to light?

“That’s not true! Of course I thought about it.. I was upset that he would do something like that to you, I truly was but,” You nearly stutter trying to get your words out. 

There were many occasions that you’ve seen Angel mad. Countless arguments, disagreements, petty acts but never like this. “But what? Hm? What, Y/N?!” He strides back over to you, getting in your face as you flinch back on instinct. 

You’re quiet, averting your eyes from him. “But then I’d lose you. That’s what I was scared of.”

Angel tilts his head, “That doesn’t even make any sense, Y/N. You think I would be angry at you because of what my brother did? I’m pissed because you knew and decided not to tell me. You walked around acting like you didn’t know. I have every right to be mad! And besides that, how fucking selfish of you, thinking of you and not how it would hurt me.”

“I was scared because your brother betrayed you, because by EZ doing this it would remind you of the hurt you felt growing up. It would make you feel like you used to… which means you would lose yourself, I would lose you right in front me. And I want all of you, good and bad, but w-we had just gotten to a good place. We weren't arguing as much a-and I had been slowly leaving more and more things here.” You look down at the articles of clothes scattered at your feet. 

Angel inhales a deep breath and lets it out forcibly. He looks to you then scratches his eyebrow, not knowing how to carry on the conversation. As your emotional distress begins to be felt physically, Angel takes your hand and holds it against his cheek.

This is something you both began to do when neither of you could speak. When the words wouldn’t form, couldn’t explain how you felt, the touch of  hand could do it. As he holds it against his cheek, you cry more. This meant that Angel understood.

As he brings your hand back down, you leap up to wrap your arms around his neck. He does the same around your waist, breathing in your scent. He closes his eyes as he sinks into you.

You won’t ever know what this moment meant for Angel. Despite feeling completely wrecked to learn what EZ had done, along with you keeping it in the dark, Angel feels wanted for the first time in a long time. Though true you wanted to protect yourself, you wanted to protect him more. To him, that’s enough to look past the wrong you did. He knows in this moment, you are truly the one for him.

[hiswordsarekisses]

LISTENING TO A DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT by Lynette Hughes:

“The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

James 1:19: instructs us to “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” It’s simple enough in principle, and nearly impossible to do, because most of us erroneously believe being heard is more important than hearing. If we were honest, we would need to admit that most of us talk more than we need to and listen less than we need to.

Listening to a sharply opposing viewpoint is neither easy nor comfortable, especially if it has to do with something that is very personal to you or that you feel you have thoroughly examined and have nothing further to learn. Listening, however, is NOT about agreeing, it is about understanding the other person’s perspective. Listening requires selflessness, patience and humility and does not come naturally to most of us. Taking the time to listen and understand a person’s opposing argument, does not mean we must change our mind; however, it does mean admitting we may not know everything. 1 Corinthians 8:2 ESV warns us that “If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know.” These words were written by Paul, after 25 years as a believer. How much more this must be true of us!

What gets in the way of our listening and hearing is our spiritual and intellectual pride, our stubborn determination to be right. After all, before we adopted our theological or political position, we considered every possible opposing viewpoint, didn’t we? So now we think we comprehend the entire subject, don’t we? And somehow, we think that justifies us for being unwilling to listen to another’s dissenting argument that contradicts ours, don’t we?

My job as a teacher is to show people that they need to look at things from as many viewpoints as possible before they close their minds and come to a final conclusion on any particular subject matter. Listening to another point of view gives us an opportunity to reevaluate our beliefs, and to confront the weaknesses in our own understanding, but sadly, most of us take an opposing view personally, shut our ears, and open our mouth in protest; not to defend our beliefs, but to shut the other person down.

Please do not patronize someone you disagree with by sending them YouTube videos or google articles to counter arguments you reject if you are unwilling to view and read those that they send to you. This is a clear indication you do not want to have a biblically based, logical, well-reasoned discussion; you simply want to support your own argument and prove your own point of view.

Proverbs 18:2 ESV warns us that “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” If we cannot defend our beliefs in a rational dialog without becoming defensive, all we have is an opinion. When we are unwilling to listen to a different point of view and use the excuse ‘I refuse to budge from what God’s word says,” we are most often doing so from pride. It is important to understand we do not need to protect God’s word by refusing to listen to another perspective with grace and humility; reasoning with Scripture in proper context can withstand any opposing opinion.

It is not a sin to disagree; actually, disagreements between believers are inevitable. We do not have to agree on everything, but we must disagree graciously with respect and not rancor. Do not misunderstand me, I’m not saying that we should sugar-coat God’s Word to make it more palatable or give in to every wind of doctrine. I’m not saying that we should in any way shrink from defending the core doctrines of the faith, or to allow those who speak falsely about Jesus or the gospel go unchallenged, I am not saying that we need to waver on core biblical truths. What I am trying to convey is that we must give secondary matters a bit more leeway. We must have a teachable spirit and be willing to learn, even alter our beliefs when necessary.

Matthew 7:12 tells us “.. in everything, do to others what you would have them do to us..” Consider how you feel when someone isn’t willing to listen to you. Is that how you want to be treated? NO….then do not treat others that way yourself! We can disagree and still respect others as brothers and sisters in Christ even when we feel they are in error.

1 Peter 2:17 instructs us to “Show proper respect to everyone..” One of the most important ways to show respect is to actually listen to what another person has to say. Listening shows that we value them and their thoughts and opinions. Above all, listening, not just passively hearing, helps us develop the fruit of the Spirit; patience, self-control, longsuffering and kindness!

Are you tired of the conflict all around you? If you do not care enough to listen, perhaps you would do well to pause before you type, comment, or click to share on social media. If you do not care enough to listen, perhaps you need to pause and breathe before you react to someone’s post you disagree with.

[itsagrimm]

Imperial Tech 5

CN: soldier life in a fascist state, getting observed and recorded, violence, drug abuse, getting drugged without explicit consent, memory loss, forbidden relationship, getting carried + lifted up, tech & ONCE doing a lot of selfreflecting

Summary: The scenario plays out with Techs and not Crosshairs inhibitor chip working. Y/N is part of the elite squad working under commander Tech. Y/N gets called ES-01 or ONCE by their team somethimes. Previously, they killed senator Tarr, took the Syndullas into custody and are now on the hunt for Hera. (Basically everything just like in the show except for Tech in charge instead of Crosshair)

Imperial Tech X They Them Reader

Part 4

XXXXXX

Ryloth was starting to become Techs least favourite planet to been on. The planet had a challenging terrain, Admiral Rampart was continuously holding him back, but most importantly the dust forced Tech to clean his glasses several times per rotation.

But even with the dirt gone from the lenses the screens showing surveillance data from all Ryloth gave no clue to Hera Syndullas whereabouts.

Tech leaned back. He just needed to be patient. Hera would turn up sooner or later. Children had a high dependency and emotional connection to their caretakers and were unlikely to leave them behind even it was the most rational decision to ensure their own survival.

A part of his mind kept observing and evaluating the data. Another part wandered off. This morning Y/N had cried. Tech had wanted to keep Y/N close so that he could keep the one person calming him down safe, but he had failed. His miscalculation and lack of information about Y/N inner workings had come with the cost of Y/N breaking down into his arms. The regret of carrying out a killing order was too much for Y/N. His command was the direct cause for their pain. And yet Y/N only had whispered about the Empire and service to it itself as root for their misery. A grand and dangerous claim, still Tech could see some causality between the Empire existing and Y/N’s suffering.

But he still hated himself.

Tech had scrambled the recording in Y/N’s helmet to keep this treasonous confession off the records. And he had sedated Y/N to buy them some time to collect themselves. Extrapolating from the way the former clone force 99 had been treated the Empire would never allow a soldier like Y/N to feel regret or be critical and would punish every kind of perceived treason or weakness. And so, his report noted a minor concussion. As a trained medic and commander no one had questioned his claims. For now, he had at least in some way kept his ONCE safe even it was just picking up the pieces of his previous mistake. Another wave of self-loathing washed over Tech.

But at the same time, he felt pride swelling up his chest. The feeling of him carrying Y/N into the security of the LAAT. Their head resting on his shoulder. Half-closed eyes searching for answers from him and lips whispering Tech.

He grinned.

Oh yes, he could get used to that.

The memory was intoxicating. His overclocked mind stuttered at the thought of Y/N’s body in his arms. Like always Y/N calmed and slowed his thought process like nothing ever before.

Tech breathed in and took another look at the data before him. Still no sign of Hera Syndulla. The comm was silent as well. Surprisingly pleased he took a sip of caf before devoting his main attention to Y/N again.

Tech had arrived at the conclusion that he cared for ES-01. He wanted to know everything about them. A part of his brain spiralled around with a constant loop of thoughts about them and their well-being. And just the thought of Y/N’s physical presence near him gave him a calm he had never known before even with his brothers.

He knew that his attachment to his subordinate was forbidden. And he knew that whatever his feelings and basically needfor Y/N in his life were likely not reciprocated. He was just a clone even with his desirable mutations. And he was their commander. Any kind of romantic interaction - not even including physical interaction - was unlikely, overreaching and a danger for them both.

All he had for himself was a little mental box of lovely little memories and even lovelier fantasies of Y/N that kept him occupied in the refresher. That had to be enough.

Another sip from the caf and glance at the monitors. No Hera Syndulla to be found. Nothing of particular interest to note. He checked the comm chatter for news about the Empire or his brothers but there was nothing as well.

But it was fine to ask if Y/N was fine, right? He was their commander and he had given the order to give them some rest, so he was his duty to require report, right?

Tech thought about his brothers. They would know what to do now. Wrecker would support and reassure him no matter what he did. Echo would keep his opinion to himself until asked or in severe disagreement. Hunter would sit down next to Tech, pat him on the shoulder and tilt his head for 12,4 degrees right before giving advice. And Crosshair would just grumble about Tech overthinking again and then just pointing out the most straight forward action.

Crosshair decision making was the easiest to replicate for Tech now.

So that is what he did.

“ES-01?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The bunk room on Ryloth was dark. Someone must have pulled down the blinds. The other members of the elite squad and commander Tech were gone. Y/N checked their comm. Apparently the team was on the hunt for the little Twi’lek girl, that had escaped. Y/N was expected to rest.

What happened?

Their memory was still foggy. The last thing Y/N remembered was being at the canyon, the overwhelming feeling of regret, of breaking down and of commander Tech.

He had…

Y/N checked their arm. A little puncture was visible there.

Yes, a part of their memory slowly returned.

Tech had sedated Y/N. He had drugged them. He had carried them and-

Y/N pulled back the thin blanket. He had removed their armour. Y/N blushed. The memory of his long fingers with little scars carefully peeling Y/N out of the plastoid was rising from the depth of their mind like a lazy fish breaking surface of a deep dark pond.

The door to the bunk room opened. Y/N looked up expecting to see one of the returning elite squad members. Instead, Captain Howzer, clone commander of all the regular troopers on Ryloth, entered. Y/N rose and saluted. He was not in charge of the elite squad, but he outranked Y/N immensely. Howzer just waved them to stand comfortably.

“ES-01, there is no need for such formalities. I hope I am not disturbing you?”

“Not at all. I was left to recover from the last mission. But I am well enough now. How can I help you, sir?”

Howzer smiled. It was a friendly smile, honest and a bit sad.

“They call you ONCE, right? And your squat uses they/them for you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Mind if I do that too? Numbers and assignments are a bit impractical sometimes so us clones use monikers, but I don’t know too much about naturally born’s and their naming traditions.”

Howzers smile turned a bit shy.

“Not at all, captain. It’s alright.”

Howzer sat down on one of the bunks in front of ONCE. ONCE followed his lead and fell back on their bunk. Now they sat in the small room, their knees nearly touching and smiling like young cadets in polite anticipation.

An awkward second none of them spoke.

“I appreciate you checking on me. But I am sure you are not only here to ask about my health, sir.”

Howzer looked away like he got caught pranking.

“Well… I do think it is my job to make sure everyone on my base is fine. Even if you are not under my command and it isn’t technically my base anymore.” He cleared his throat. “But I do actually need something else from you as well.”

ONCE studies his face. He was a high-ranking officer, an experienced soldier and - like all clones - a warrior. And despite the harsh realities of war that shaped all the clone trooper’s life’s, Howzer had maintained youthfulness in his demeanour. Even now, he looked at ONCE with an open and careful expression.

“What can I do for you, captain?” ONCE finally answered and hinted at the helmet and the build-in listening device as a careful reminder that their conversation wasn’t confidential.

“ONCE, I need to know what happened up there in the canyon.”

“Sir, I am sure I can’t add to what you already know from the reports.” ONCE replied defensively. Whatever Y/N might feel about their life as a soldier, talking openly about their work was a luxury they could not afford. Especially when Y/N was still working through the fragmented memories of being carried and stripped out of their armour by commander Tech.

“The reports do not mention anyone up the canyon.” Howzer continued. “And yet I know that commander Tech had carried you nearly unconscious and a sniper rifle with you both to an LAAT ship that picked you up. And I know that the Twi’lek senator Tarr got hit by a precise blast coming from somewhere of the top of the canyon. I was there. I know what I saw. And I can add all these information together. You need to tell me why it happened.”

Howzers voice had become demanding and intimidating.

And yet he still had the expression of a young man in disbelieve of the atrocities happening in plain sight. ONCE felt hopelessness and regret rising again. Howzer just wanted to understand but it was impossible to explain the banalities of evil at work. The Empire was power hungry. The Twi’leks were resistant. And Tarr had died because he outlived his usefulness as a pawn in this power struggle, killed by ONCE. They remembered that much. But with the listening device in their helmet close by ONCE was in no position to confess without getting court martialled afterwards - if they were lucky.

There was nothing ONCE could say.

“I am sorry, captain. I can only recall very little. But it seems you already know what happened. I am sure you will understand why it happened and that I had no pleasure in following command. But I am a soldier -maybe a bit like you. We are expected to follow orders whatever the costs and then continue on like nothing happened.”

ONCE smiled, hoping he would understand.

Howzer nodded, his expression now nothing but hopeless and lost like a little boy without his family.

ONCE took his gloved hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

It was a familiar gesture between two equally helpless hostages not in control of their life’s.

A desperate look crossed Howzer before he silently formed a word with his lips, carefully hiding his message from the listening device.

Hera

It was the Twi’lek kids name that got away. The kid, that the elite squat was hunting down.

ONCE shook their head.

No, they don’t have her. Yet.

Y/N’s comm lighted up – the Commander calling in.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Commander Tech was in the observation room. Various monitors displayed a never-ending racing flow of surveillance data in aurebesh, numbers and holo transmissions.

Most of it was in in Basic, some wasn’t.

Staring at it with a cup of caf in his hands was the commander.

“How are you feeling?” He asked without looking away from the screens.

“Better.”

In the blue tinted electronic light coming from the holo screens Y/N could see Tech raising an eyebrow.

“I am not only your commander but also your medic. Are you sure you are fine and therefore fit for duty?”

Y/N considered the underlying question. Do you want to return to being a soldier?

“Sir, as long as I am well enough to perform, I am expected to serve.” I don’t have a choice but to return. I can walk steady on both my feet and hold a gun therefore I am good enough to be cannon fodder again. That’s what I signed up for.

Tech tilted his head and took a sip from his cup.

“That is valid point you’re making. As you can see, I am a bit busy with searching the run-away Hera Syndulla. Officially, I can’t examine and clear you fit for duty right now. But I will take your word under the condition you stay close to me in case something happens. Is that alright with you?”

ONCE considered. The commander was asking for a favour. He wasn’t ordering. And he had not only covered for them once but was concerned about their safety. In the oddest way possible and considering the circumstances ONCE was tempted to call this romantic.

“Yes, sir. It is.”

Y/N sat down next to Tech.

“Do you remember everything from this morning, ONCE?”

His tone was casual. But there was more to it.

“I…yes, I think I remember everything.” ONCE paused looking at Tech. His face was unmoved and impression-less. His eyes hidden behind the lenses, blue by the mirroring screens. “Sir, I am very thankful for your… actions.”

Still, nothing. Maybe all his kindness and patience with ONCE was imagined. Maybe he was just their commander and his reasons from saving ONCE from military questioning and punishment was purely practical.

ONCE felt like an utter fool.

“Fascinating.”

“I am sorry, sir?” Confused they looked at the commander.

“Comm the squad and get your full gear. We are getting attacked.”

An alarm went off.

ONCE saw several alarms popping up on the screens.

A feeling of dread and terror rose in ONCE. Returning to duty was one thing. Entering a fight was another.

Tech grabbed them at the arm, pulling them closer and forcing them to look up to his towering dark height. “Remember, stay close to me.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Y/N left Tech with a look of anxiety and confusion in their eyes.

*crack*

He grimaced painfully. He had broken the cup in his hands, caf dripping down on his armoured leg now. Maybe hiding everything about himself from Y/N would be harder than he thought it would be.

He sighted and allowed himself to linger a bit more on the thought of Y/N and before devoting himself to the tasks ahead.

Someone had attacked the refinery.

What an odd choice. Was it a coincidence with the Syndullas in custody here on the base? Or was there a plan and connection between those facts?

His eyes squinted to see better. Damn Ryloth and its dust. His googles were dirty again.

The Surveillance data showed the leaving troopers going to the refinery. Quiet a lot of them.

If all those troopers left, who would guard the prisoners?

Tech leant back. Caf dripping down his leg, glasses dirty and surrounded by idiots. What was he doing here?

Movement on the screens made Tech face the wall of monitors again.

The surveillance camera transmitted a stream from the refinery with two clones running over the fortified walls.

Echo.

Hunter.

His brothers were here. Tech felt his body respond with a rush of endorphins he quickly tried to ignore.

Think Tech! Don’t let these traitors distract you! What does their presence mean?

He was sure now. Directly attacking the refinery was too simple. Even without him the strategies of his brothers always were absurdly chaotic and erratic. The straight attack just had to be a distraction.

He opened a comm channel to his elite squat.

“Commander speaking. Come to the base shipyard as soon as possible.”

“Sir, isn’t the attack on the refinery?”

“I know, ES-04. Just follow your orders.”

“But sir-“

Tech ended his connection and rolled his eyes. His brothers never had reacted like that. They always knew he had reasons behind his actions.

Frustrated he threw away the broken cup and put on his helmet.

The shipyard was nearly empty. Most LAAT’s and smaller ship were off to the refinery. The attack had drawn nearly all forces away.

ONCE and the Elite squat waited for commander Tech. A couple of regs were with them.

“Who are those?” Tech required.

“Sir, the regular troopers were off duty. I called them in for back up.”, ONCE replied. As always, they were the only one thinking and getting what he had already figured out.

“Good. Get into position before the main gate. Facing inward.”

“The enemy is inside already?”

“Likely. And this is their way out.”

“They? Who is our enemy?”

“Clone force 99.”

The door opened.

Both troopers and elite squad raised arms. But instead of prisoners or the bad batch, Howzer stepped outside.

“Oh.” Tech stated flatly. He hadn’t considered the inner emotional workings at play. Again.

“Brothers!” Howzer call out to the troopers. “What are we doing? We came her to free Ryloth from separatist control. And we succeeded. But look around you. Now we are being ordered to target the very people we sworn to protect! And I will not be a part of it any longer.”

The captain threw down his weapon.

“Who is with me?”

For a short second no one moved. Tech felt his head running at high speed, calculating every option for further action. ONCE, standing next to him, started shaking.

He went cold.

If ONCE threw down their weapons now, they were dead. Tech could do nothing to save them from the empire. Admiral Rampart or whoever imperial was in charge would court martial them. Y/N would be dead. He didn’t need to calculate the chances for that, to know their survival rate were slim.

Please don’t leave me. Tech, suddenly ready to pray to whoever gods were willing to listen to his pleas, leant towards Y/N, unable to stop himself.

They stopped shaking the moment his armour touched theirs.

Some of the regs laid down their weapons. ONCE kept their rifle, unmovable. Relief washed over Tech.

“Arrest those traitors.” He ordered, thinking of anything else but the one person he truly wanted to be saved right now. Even if he had to sacrifice a battalion of regs for that to draw attention away from Y/N.

The elite squad and the loyal troopers moved in. Tech felt detached from what was happening. Nothing mattered. Not even the shuttle with his brothers lifting off somewhere.

He wanted Y/N, wanted to hold them and whisper sweet words and promises he damn well intended on keeping just to make sure that they would be fine and safe. He looked up to see his Y/N putting hand cuffs on Howzer, sneaking a small blade into his boot. His brain registered it but did not care. As far as he was concerned ONCE could commit every act of treason and he would still be ready to commit mass murder just to cover their tracks. Whatever Tech had thought he could keep to himself was brought bare before him the moment Y/N had been in mortal danger, his need for Y/N unable to be hidden.

>>>>>

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<<<<<<<

Part 6

[liam-cadmus]

Sasuke slowly blinks his eyes, as the light shines from the window, the offending light making his sensitive eyes close in response. He lets out a silent grunt, as one arm escapes from where it’s twined with Shikamaru, gently prodding it away.  He uses his freed hand to rub his tired eyelids, stifling a yawn with his palm afterwards. He slowly detaches his limbs, gently laying his tired, overworked lover back to bed, tucking the blankets around him. he coos a bit when hands latch on his shirt, grip tight and unrelenting. “I’ll be right in the kitchen, don’t worry.” he tells him, his hands closing over Shikamaru’s and pulling it away. He pecks his partner’s forehead, slowly trailing to his nose, then cheeks, before leaving a swift one on the lips. He chuckles quietly at the groan of frustration Shikamaru lets out, as he slips from the bed. He closes the curtains shut, before leaving the door open, as he walks to the kitchen.  He avoids the urge to grind the coffee beans, considering that Shikamaru stayed awake so late, and that he has a bit of an addiction to caffeine. He fills the kettle, whistling a tune that had gotten stuck on his head because of his lover’s humming. He pours the hot water to the tea pot, letting it steep for a few minutes before straining it to two mugs. He decides that he’ll just prepare tea again later, and not let the extra one to waste. “I’m surprised you’re preparing tea, it’s unlike you.” Shikamaru drawls sleepily, making him turn his head on the direction of the noise. “Do you honestly expect me to brew coffee when you clearly haven’t slept much?” he retorts before placing the tea back down. “...No.”  He sighs before walking closer to Shikamaru, raising an eyebrow. “You look dead on your feet, do you want tea?” he asks, even though he knows the other man is far too sleepy to stay awake. A mumbled disagreement and a silent ‘I’m not tired’ as a retort is heard before he clicks his tongue softly, reprimanding the man in an albeit exasperated tone. “Back to bed, you look like shit.” Shikamaru scowls at him, offended, before relenting to his insistent tugging to the bed. “You’re tired, just sleep please?” he asks, fondly smiling when he feels the taller man slouching on his back, eyes barely open.  “Idiot.” is the affectionate whisper he utters before making Shikamaru lay back down on the bed. He watches with an adoring gaze as his partner settles back down, letting out a discontented noise at the lack of warmth on his side.  Seeing his partner buried under their blankets and dozing off always gave a warm tender feeling to his bones, the flames overheating him hotter than his clan’s scolding fire jutsus. Emotions overwhelm his whole being, breaking whatever stoic mask he used.  Shikamaru deserves to be pampered every once in a while, the man hardworking to fulfill everyone’s needs. He’s Sasuke’s refuge, his escape, and he’s very appreciative of all the work he’s done, and besides, his urge to indulge Shikamaru is rising again.  The stubborn, independent Nara has his limits, and Sasuke will make sure he’s there for him, will do anything just to be in the genius’ arms. He thinks it’s fair that he can be a doting lover, after all, Shikamaru was there to catch him, even though so many people are relying on him.  Contrary to popular belief, Shikamaru does not have complete confidence on himself, always anxious if the plans that he gives is correct, and that no one’s gonna get affected if he got it wrong. (Sasuke just wants him to see that he’s brilliant, that he’s very clever and that he shouldn’t think he isn’t. Sadly, he’s just one man, but he can see the thankful smile and the way his partner perks up ever so slightly.) He wants scowl and glower at the people who think Shikamaru is everything but kind, who thinks he’s condescending, boastful rude being, even though the genius is just far too blunt and honest, that he accidentally insults people without meaning to. He wants people to see that the smartest shinobi of their generation is just human, and that he’s breaking under the stress and pressure. The Nara he’s seen is the one who works so damn hard and that no body gives credit for the things he do, the one who was thought of independent and left alone by the other jounins and chunins, even though he can’t do everything by himself. The Nara that goes out to watch the clouds or nap after doing so much work and only gets judged for being lazy. The one that would push aside his work and problems, just to tell him other stories with a sweet smile, his tan, soft, deft hands intertwining with his own. He’s protective person by heart and by clan, attaching himself to someone with his whole being and consciousness, that he would break if he’s separated with his loved ones. Shikamaru is the only man, the only person who can make an Uchiha like him to lose his calm and collected persona, the one who can turn him from a stone cold-hearted warrior to a attentive, caring man with just a smile. He would let his defenses fall, his unbreakable pride to shatter to millions of pieces without thinking twice, the one who would make him kill platoons of enemies just to keep him safe.  He knows Shikamaru, so much, that he would trade everything, because he loves fiercely.  He shakes himself out of his thoughts, before hurrying along, knowing that Shikamaru hates not having warmth beside him while sleeping, which he admits that he also hates. He swiftly makes a hearty breakfast, letting miso soup boil as the rice cooks in the saucepan, while cooking eggs with furikake. He grills a bit of fish, placing some cherry tomatoes in his own plate. He spares a glance to the window, only to see a light orange hue passing through the transparent glass, the light just reaching the meadows, sun peeking out of the horizon. He places the food in the stasis seal, the food kept warm. He pushes the door ajar slightly, as he sits by the edge, thumb pressing on his knee. He extends his hands to Shikamaru’s loose unruly locks, the hair tie by the pillow. His Sharingan accidentally activates as he lets his gaze over his partner, memorizing every inch, eidetic memory proving helpful, the image ingrained in his mind separated from the bad ones.  “Stop that,” a sleepy grumble, as his Sharingan shuts off fast as lightning, making him a bit dizzy from the abrupt cut of chakra to his eyes. Shikamaru rolls his eyes, before tugging him closer, making him the one to be the little spoon this time, throwing a leg over him.  He quietly exhales, eyes closing as Shikamaru’s earthy, calming chakra soothes his nerves, grounding him. He stays silent as his fingers trace random shapes onto Shikamaru’s back, eyes unfocused. He feels the rhythmic beating of Shikamaru’s heart from where his ear is pressed against, air blowing against his bedridden hair. Minutes pass by without his notice, before the pads of tan fingers trace the seals on either side of his eyes, thumb grazing it lightly with chakra, the pathways smoothing out with the pleasant touch. “Why did you just sit there? You could’ve just laid down beside me.”  “Hn, I don’t know,” he offers a shrug, raising his eyes to Shikamaru’s nose bridge, absent-mindedly avoiding his eyes. “Stop avoiding eye contact, Su, it’s fine.” His mouth opens to an O shape before flicking it to warm brown eyes, not noticing he’s been doing it. “Force of habit.”  A sigh was let out before his partner asks, “Do you wanna talk about the nightmare?”  He contemplates the question in his head, knowing that Shikamaru is just genuinely curious and wouldn’t press him if he doesn’t want to. “Not right now, maybe later?” he asks, earning a understanding hum.  “Now, did you get enough sleep?” he asks with narrowed eyes, a concerned lilt to his voice. “Enough?”  “Did you get at least 4 hours of sleep?” he asks instead, huffing. “You’re such a mother hen, I’ve slept most of the afternoon yesterday, so I could stay up.” A amused glint is present in the deep sepia eyes, an irritating fond smirk present on chapped lips.  “But you admit you like the affection? Baby?” he teases, liking the color of his partner’s cheeks and ears turning red. “Sappy shit.” Shikamaru tiredly mumbles, before he sits up, melodramatically sighing out loud. “Come on, let’s eat breakfast.” Shikamaru urges, disappearing to the bathroom, a reminder echoing out.  “We have forever to spend on, I know, just come brush your teeth, Sas.”  ‘And you’d wake up beside me for every sunrise for however long forever lasts.’ Part 1 | Shikamaru

[ikev-mpire]

Hey if ship request are open I’d like to submit one! I’m a feisty and witty Leo. I like to make the people around me laugh but I’m also quite cynical. i’m incredibly loyal to the people I care about incredibly ruthless to the people that hurt them. I absolutely adore cosplay and drawing. In a relationship I’m not super affectionate or touchy-feely. I’m very blunt about how I feel. I’m honest to a fault and it get me in trouble sometimes. My biggest rule is don’t mess with my loved ones.

for surezies!

i ship you with sebas!! let's be real this dude needs a little humor in his life the man is so stuck up he couldn't get down if he wanted to! he would appreciate the laughs you learned how to draw out of him while also definitely understanding the cynicism, and you would probably click when one of you muttered something cynical under your breath at work and the other was like bro fr! although he would never admit it, being quite the protector himself, anytime you jumped to someone (mainly his) defense his heart would skip a beat and he'd have to fight down a proud smile

and DUDE can we talk abt how that man was a COS-PLAYER like i guaran-T E E IT OKAY! the second u mention cosplay its over fr! nonstop rambling from the both of u and its so cute but all the vamps are like ??? Sebastian (like u) isnt much for touchy feely shit either, he feels perfectly fine and comfortable in your relationship without needing to be all touchy feely to "prove" it. And truthfully, your bluntness mixed with his can cause ummmm a few disagreements, but you both understand one another quite well and once u get over the initial offense of whatever the other said, youll be perfectly fine. he isn't one to avoid apologizing when necessary, even (sometimes) when not, but thats special treatment only for you and nobofy else gets to know about it

[dojaspankow]

dumbstruck

(*NOT MY GIF)

summary: you and jj have been friends for a long time and somewhere along the way you develop a small crush for the cute blond. you want to know if he feels the same way so you decide to do something about it.

word count: 3,400

a/n: hiii!! This is my first obx blog and jj piece I’ve ever written so plspls give it some love!! i hope this is enough for now hehe, enjoy babies! xx

based on the song : dumbstruck - ceraadi

*

*

“I don’t get it. The two of you are affectionate with one and another eye fucking every time both of you are in the room and none of you are planning to confess?!”

you laugh softly at Kie’s exclaims and waving her hands in exaggeration as you pour another batch of brownie into the pan. Popping it inside the oven before turning around to face her shocked face,

“There’s nothing to get. It’s just how we are. Flirty and shit. Strictly platonic.” You remind her, though you know deep down in your heart, you want more than just friends with JJ,

She rolls her eyes at your comment, shaking her head in disagreement. “Yeah no. I’ve seen the way you look at him and I’ve seen the way he looks at you. That boy is head over heels for you.”

“No, he isn’t.” You press, chuckling a little, sitting yourself down on a stool across her. “He’s my best friend, Kie.”

She casually brushes your defense. “Again, no.” She disagrees, grabbing a couple of fries before shoving them into her mouth. “I’m no expert but he’s definitely into you. And since you are too, both of you need to gut up and confess!”

“Who are you talking about?”

A familiar voice of John B’s causes the two of you to glance towards the door. Watching his figure walk in and towards the kitchen, sitting down next to Kie,

“Have you ever heard of knocking, JB?” you playfully asks, raising your eyebrow before handing him a bottle of cold soda,

“Have you ever heard of locking your doors?” He asks back, making you laugh and nod,

“Okay, you’ve got a point.”

John B leans forward and settles his elbows on the counter, flickering his eyes to you then Kie. “So” he starts, smacking his lips, “What are you guys gossiping about?”

You open up your mouth to say something but Kie beats you to it,

“JJ and y/n”

You widen your eyes and gasp before reaching over to smack her lightly on the arm. “Kiara!”

She laughs and raises her hands in surrender, giving you a ‘sorry not sorry’ look,

“Ah!” John B’s eyes snap back towards you and giving you a teasing smile. 

“That boy is fucking crazy about you.”

“See!” Kie claps her hands and looks at you, trying to get you to understand. “I wasn’t lying!”

You blush at John B’s statement, looking down and fiddle with your fingers a little. “No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is.” He argues. “Man, you should see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. He’s got this dopey smile and heart-eyes when you’re in the room. Turning down a bunch of girls at parties because his heart is set on yours, drop my ass off at midnight because you needed him.” He casually spares the details about JJ, chuckling at the last sentence

now you can feel your stomach is filled with butterflies

“And the way he talks about you when you’re not around?” He asks as he stares at you, throwing his head back in disbelief with a small laugh. “He talks about you as if he’s writing a fucking poem. Doing John Green shit and he could go on for hours without stopping especially when he’s high, I’m telling you that boy is in love with you.”

Biting your lip, you’re trying hard to hide your smile. your cheeks redden even more while John B continues to unbox every little secret of JJ’s to you,

“You think so?”

John B nods his head fast, cracking open the bottle before taking a chug. “Oh, I know so. Don’t blame him though. You’re hot as fuck y/n—don’t tell JJ that— Two of you are perfect for each other. He can’t stop talking about you”

Kie nods furiously, “I second that.”

“Then why hasn’t he said anything?” you frown, putting your hands on your hips,

“The same reason why you hadn’t said anything too” John B fires, putting a cocky smirk on his face, “You’re a daredevil y/l/n, what’s so scary and hard about saying ‘i love you’ to him when you do? You keyed Rafe’s car last summer yet you’re scared of this?”

You shoot him a glare before answering, “The fact that he could either turn me down or laugh his ass off for being in love with him” you say in an obvious tone, picking the strings of your jean shorts. “You pick.”

“Jesus Christ, woman!” He groans in frustration, running his hands over his face as Kie shakes her head at your stubbornness. “He likes you! more than a friend! I know this!”

Kie rubs John B’s arm in an attempt to calm him down in a joking manner before switching to another subject. “Look, there’s a party at Kegger’s tonight. Do your thing and that boy will surely prove our points.”

*

*

It was around 7 and the gang decides to meet you there at the party. Except for JJ himself. He wants you to come with him and he doesn’t take no for an answer, despite the number of times you’ve told him that you can drive by yourself,

looking in the mirror, you feel satisfied as you stare at your own body up and down with the choice of clothing you’re wearing. A simple white bralette and black swimming undies, along with a short sheer wrap up skirt also in white that compliments the plump of your butt and thick thighs.

What? you love showing off your assets

you let your long thick brown hair fall over your shoulders before clasping JJ's your necklace. Then spraying your chest and neck with your favorite body spray, setting the bottle down on the table when you’re done,

hearing a ding from your table, you crane your neck to see a text message from the pretty blond,

JJ💞 : hey gorgeous, I’m outside. come out whenever you’re ready x

a smile taking over your lips as you reply to him, you have no idea why simple text messages like this could guarantee heebie-jeebies from you. but it always works.

God, you love this man,

after replying with a simple ‘okay boo’ you shove your phone in your small bag and walk out of your room. writing a note on the table for your mom so she knows you’ll be ‘staying at a friend’s house’ because there’s no way you’d be honest about going to a party,

locking the door behind you, you see a glimpse of golden-haired boy a few feet apart leaning against the motorcycle with a white muscle tank and red snapback on, busy playing with his phone to even notice you,

“hey pretty boy” you greet him with a smile in which he looks up, a frown is replaced with a grin,

“holy-shit. you look hot.” he compliments bluntly, looking at you up and down as he bites down his lower lip softly. chuckling as he sees you blush. “Is that new?” he asks as he points at the skirt,

nodding excitedly as you step closer to him so you can hop in behind him. “you look hot too tonight, Maybank. have I ever told you that your white tank and a red cap is my favorite look on you?”

he feels the butterflies erupt his stomach when he hears that, smiling to himself as he looks down to start his engine. “no you haven’t actually. I’m glad you told me.” he says, feeling your hands wrap around his waist and he can’t help but loving how your delicate touch makes him weak on his knees and cheeks red,

“you always look good though. smells nice too.”

he tries to ignore the feeling you give him and clears his throat. “ready princess?”

“ready, my love” you smile softly as he begins to drift off to the Kegger.

soon as the two of you arrive, JJ keeps his hand against your lower back as he guides you to the party. Not that you minded one bit, you even lean towards his touch. Feeling warm and protected under it.

“Not even five seconds in and a bunch of Kooks and shit start looking at you like a piece of meat” he grunts, shooting glares at the guys who keeps staring at you,

chuckling, you turn your head to look at him and squeeze his shoulder. “Down boy” you joke, feeling his muscles soften soon as you touch him. “They know I’m with you, they wouldn’t even dare to lay a hand on me. Plus I’d knock their teeth in even if they tried.”

A soft chuckle escapes from his mouth, pulling you even closer. “That’s my girl”

Again with making your heart flutter. This boy won’t stop!

Kie is the first one to notice about your arrival, waving her hand enthusiastically as you giggle. Waving your hand back,

her eyes then stop at JJ’s hand on you. Her mouth drop open and eyes wide like a bug, squealing a little as you sign to her to ‘tone it down’ with your hands,

“I’m getting high tonight,” you say out of nowhere, sighing as you look out at the scene. dozens of kids getting drunk, sweaty bodies grinding against each other, endless chatters can be heard from left to right. 

JJ raises his left eyebrow, baby blue eyes are now focused on you. “With me right?” His protective side is showing making your lips curve,

“Of course silly. You’re the only person I want to get high with... at the moment” You say in a whisper, nudging him in the stomach as he smiles fondly at you,

“Good. Because I brought just enough for the two of us.” He states, pulling a Ziploc bag out of his pocket just enough so you can see. “Want something to drink?”

Nodding your head, he gives a quick peck on your head, muttering a ‘be right back’ before wandering off. You stand there with your hands behind your back, watching the beautiful scene of young kids enjoying their moment like it’s their last and you can’t help but smile. The sound of ‘Best On Earth’ by Russ is blasting through the speakers as you bob your head to the beat,

“hey cutie” you hear a voice from behind, noticing that it’s Kie greeting you, with her hand interlocked with Pope’s,

smiling at the couple, you greet back. “hey you two. Awe aren’t you two the most adorable shits I’ve ever seen” you poke out your bottom lip, placing your palms against your chest,

Kie just giggles and looks up at her man who has a shy smile plastered on his face. “You and JJ next.”

rolling your eyes playfully, you give a small pinch on her stomach making the girl squeal. “stoop that. God, you’re so annoying.”

Pope then wraps his arm around his girl’s shoulder, pulling her close before giving you a playful smirk. “So you and JJ, eh? Not surprised, man.”

“Oh my God we’re just friends” You laugh at the two, putting your hands on your hips and you stare down at Kie. “You should stop spreading false rumors” You joke,

“they’re FACTS, not rumors” she shrugs, sipping on her red solo cup. “Pope thinks if you two get together, you’d be the hottest couple in the box.”

he nods his head aggressively. “oh yeah definitely. plus, he won’t stop bragging about it. God, you need to lock him down, y/n”

you’re trying so hard to suppress a giggle, just before you could respond to his statement, you feel a figure bumping from your side,

“don’t even try to steal her away from me. I’m planning to spend the whole night with this woman.” JJ jokes, his hand goes out to grip on your waist and keep you close to his body which makes you melt,

“All yours buddy” Pope sends him a wink and Kie just shoots you a smirk before the couple bids you bye and walk off,

"Here you go beautiful” He hands you your drink with a smile, admiring how gorgeous you look under the dark sky with him by your side,

you’re so fucking beautiful it hurts him,

“Thank you my lovely escort” you look up at him before taking a small sip. “Just so you know I’m not planning to get drunk tonight.”

“Me too. I have to drive you back home and make sure you’re safe.” He explains, lacing his fingers with yours as he guides you out from the crowded scene to find a spot just for the two of you,

shaking your head, you look at him who has his eyes on the ground. “You don’t have to. I can just ask Kie or John B to drive me home.”

“Nonsense. I’m taking you home, I always do.” He responds, finding a quiet spot which drives the two of you away from the scene before sitting down on the sand. “Come here, pretty.” He pats a spot next to him before you plop down,

His hand digs into his pocket to pull out the bag he shows you earlier, grabbing a couple of joints as he hands you one. “me and my dad got into a fight this morning when I stopped by the house to grab a few clothes of mine”

With that, you freeze. Your focus is no longer on the joint but rather the boy who’s sitting next to you with a sad smile on his face. “Oh no JJ, what did he do?” Your tone begins to roughen,

as he takes a notice of the tone of your voice, he assures you that nothing happened. “He was about to knock me to the ground but I bolted out of the door before he even got the chance.”

your brows furrow, bottling up your anger deep at the thought of his father hurting the boy you love so much. it pains you to know that you can’t do anything about it, mainly because JJ tells you to stay out of it. Not wanting you to get hurt too.

“where have you been staying?” you can’t help but ask,

he shrugs lightly, lighting the joint before his hand goes to your behind, setting his palm firmly on your back and rubs small circles around it,

“here and there, doesn’t matter.” 

“of course it does” you get a little defensive, scooting closer to him. “i don’t want anything to happen to you jay... you know the guest room at my place is always available right? my mom loves you so she doesn’t mind.”

he smiles at your concern for him, grabbing your hand and kisses your knuckles. “don’t worry about me. i got you, the guys, a job. I could give two fucks about my dad. He’s the least of my concerns.”

though you feel unsatisfied with the answer, you decide to not push him since you know all he wants is to enjoy this night with you and you do too.

“okay.” you smile, softly inhaling the weed before exhaling and closes your eyes. “you know... me, Kie and John B talked about you today” you tease as you bite your lip,

he groans playfully, rolling his eyes before smiling back at you. “Oh yeah? what did you guys talk about?” he asks, 

“they said ... you have a crush on me aaand that you’re like a John Green when it comes to talking about me” you giggle, watching his hand covering his eyes and cheeks flush. you reach out to peel his hand off so he can look at you. 

“heeey don’t be embarrassed. it’s cute as fuck.”

he hums in reply, staring at your pretty brown eyes and find himself getting lost deeper and deeper in them,

“not cute. it’s embarrassing.” he mumbles, leaning his back against the stone wall. “i can’t believe they told you that, fuck! i told them not to tell you!” he groans cutely, 

giggling, you shift your body a little so you’re laying on your side and let your thighs touch with his. “why?” you question,

he knits his eyebrows together, confused by your question, his hand on your hip. “why what?”

“why do you have a crush on me?”

he scoffs at that, chewing on his lip before choosing the next few words to say to you. “1. you’re gorgeous and sexy as hell” the start of the sentence causes you to throw your head back with a laughter. “2. you have always been there for me and no matter how much i think myself as a fuck up-”

“that’s because you’re not” you cut him off

he smiles for a second and continues, “you always remind me the good things i’ve done and what a good person i am to a lot of people, especially our friends. i’ve never had someone do that to me, you know?” he says sadly, his eyes looking forward,

you bite your lip as you put your focus on him, fingers playing with the hem of the material of his tank,

“And every time you talk? Fuck, i’d never want you to stop. Your voice is fucking angelic and makes me smile like a dumbass which is now a joking matter to JB and Pope.” he chuckles and you laugh too, smiling softly as you watch him explain the things he loves about you. “I love how passionate you are about your work but not forgetting about your friends, i love how you stick up for me that one time when we’re at the police station, i love how you know exactly how to make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich and got me hooked on your Empanadas, i love how you punched Topper and gave him a nose bleed that time, i love how you’re willing to guide me through everything in life just so we can get the fuck out of here and move to New York.”

he pauses for a while, taking a deep breath as he now moves his gaze down towards you, who’s eyes already looking at him getting teary.

“but most of all... i love how much i love you and have no intention of going back.” he confesses. “i want to stay in that bubble. would you let me stay?”

you can feel the tears start to building up and blurring your vision, blinking fast as they start to run down your cheeks in which you quickly wipe it off. Nodding your head. “of course... i love you too”

he breathes out a relief, showing you a toothy grin before crashing his lips onto yours, humming deeply as you kiss him back. he smiles against your mouth, heart skips a beat when he feels your soft lips moving hungrily. he bites onto your bottom lip making you gasp and he takes it as an opportunity to slip his tongue inside you. 

the two of you make out for a couple more seconds before pulling away to catch each other’s breathes, laughing lightly at how hungry you two are for each other’s kisses.

“God i’m fucking crazy about you, baby." he sighs out, shaking his head as he admires how plump and sexy your lips are after he kisses you. “driving me insane but i love it. i love you.”

you giggle shyly, sucking on your bottom lip as he chucks off the joint he has on his fingers and so do you. ”i love you too and i’m into you, JJ. i hope you know that.” you wrap your arms around his shoulders and drapes your leg over his lap. “there’s no place i’d rather be right now.”

JJ is over the moon. He can’t believe he got you. He got you... his gorgeous best friend is now his girlfriend, who’s cuddling against his chest and just shared their first kiss. he doesn’t have to hear about you going on a date with other guys because now, you’re his girl.

he fucking wins in life.

“you know” he starts, smiling at you, the ‘i’m so fucking in love with you and there’s no going back’ kind of smile. one of his palms is settled on your waist and the other on your ass. “from the number of times i’ve smoked with the guys, you might be the best high i’ve ever had, baby”*

*

a/n : omg this kind of sucks i’m sorry lmaoo but please give me feedback or leave a comment down below. thank you for reading babies:)

[eliemo]

Should Have Known Better

Summary: It all happened at once, too many people talking, too much anger and hatred and fear, and it was his fault his fault- Virgil felt himself fall backwards, landing hard on the kitchen floor

CW: Panic attacks, arguing, angst with a happy ending. virgil wrongly assumes he’s going to be hit but his family loves him

Read on A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703804

Really, the fight was ridiculous to begin with. It was nothing that hadn’t happened before, and Virgil definitely should not be feeling the vaguely familiar churn in his gut, the sickly tightening of his chest.

It was a simple disagreement about a new idea Roman had come up with, something “new and spectacular” the creative side had colorfully put it. And of course, Virgil had voiced his concerns. Because that was what he did.

It was easier now- now that he could work with the others rather than against them, a voice to be listened to rather than feared and chased away.

And it wasn’t like they didn’t argue among themselves constantly. As Logan had pointed out, their bickering was usually what got them to any kind of conclusion. And sure, it would get heated sometimes, fingers pointed and name-calling would occasionally occur (usually from Roman) and on certain days it would be more difficult to handle, voices too loud and too much, but it had gotten easier. There was no more malice aimed at him specifically, no more ganging up and refusing to listen, no more hate or scorn from the people he cared so deeply about protecting.

Today, however, maybe things were a bit different.

He’d been a bit too harsh, snapping too quickly and escalating the argument faster than was necessary. It hadn’t been a good morning- or a good couple of days if Virgil was being honest with himself.

He was still reeling after the incident with Deceit, a harsh reminder of how easily the Dark Side could slip into their lives, pulling Virgil right back into the memories of how things used to be.

He hadn’t slept much, and when he did there was nothing but nightmares and flashes of the past, and the last few days that familiar anxious feeling had been steadily building up, making him more jumpy, his paranoia skyrocketing.

The other sides had become accustomed to recognizing the signs of a bad day, especially if it only continued to get worse. This last week, however, everyone had been understandably preoccupied, and Virgil had no right to put his own issues above more pressing matters. It would go away, it always did.

Now, he wondered if he was imagining just how aggressive this argument had become.

“Why do you always do this?” Virgil froze at Prince’s shout, his definitely louder than normal shout, a brief burst of panic clawing at his throat.

He should stop. He should deflate and duck out, give in and let Roman have his way. The other side was angry, on edge, and fed up with his bullshit, and Virgil knew all too well what happened when he pushed an issue with someone blinded by rage.

But Virgil couldn’t stop himself, and the fear and nausea building up in him made him defensive, mouth moving without his brain’s permission.

“Because I’m the one who has to protect Thomas from your stupid ideas! Unlike you, I’m not in this for my own ego!”

Guilt coiled in his gut when he saw hurt flash across Princey’s eyes, but it was quickly drowned out by another wave of fear when the look morphed to anger.

Patton cut him off before he could yell again, but there was no relief in the interruption when the words managed to be somehow even worse.

“Hey, come on Kiddo, that doesn’t seem...Roman’s just trying to help Thomas, you know that.”

The words were laced with disappointment, something that felt like knives to his chest when it came from Patton- the first person to ever see him as anything other than a useless hindrance, especially when it came with the underlying suggestion that Virgil didn’t care about Thomas.

Everything he did, every time he argued, he was just trying to protect him. All of them. Patton knew that, didn’t he?

“I am too!” He said, ignoring the way his voice had become just a bit quieter than before. “Patton, you think I do this just for the hell of it? I’m just trying to make sure Thomas doesn’t--”

“Doesn’t what?” Roman interrupted, too loud too loud too loud. He was angry, all Virgil ever did was make people angry. “Doesn’t live a happy worry free life?”

It wasn’t hard for Virgil to pick up on the unsaid. Thomas would be better off without you. We all would.

Virgil’s throat felt tight, the panic now cold and all consuming. He could feel his heartbeat growing dangerously fast, breaths coming too quick and shallow. He opened his mouth to shoot something back, to keep them from seeing how scared he was, blinded by Roman’s glare and Patton’s irritation.

It was almost a relief when Logan raised a hand to cut him off, stoic and impartial. Virgil wasn’t sure he would even be able to force coherent words out right now.

But then Logan raised an eyebrow at him, not the careful look of concern he gave when he noticed Virgil was having an attack, but something that seemed to be a reflection of both Roman and Patton’s anger.

You made them all mad, you made them mad, they hate you, they hate you they hate you. You’re the outcast again, they don't want you here.

“Virgil, you know we all...appreciate your input-” he hesitated, he’s lying he’s lying “-but logically, this shouldn’t be an issue. You’ve blown this all out of proportion, Virgil. More so than usual.”

He didn’t miss the irritation in the Logical side’s voice, the way all eyes in the room were on him, glaring at him, hating him.

Virgil was suddenly painfully aware of how close they all were, knees practically brushing under the table they’d gathered at in the mindscape’s dining area. In Thomas’s living room, during these arguments there was usually a good amount of space between them.

The only one who could really reach him without crossing the room was Logan. If he was angry enough, he could easily reach through the stair railing and grab Virgil by the hoodie, holding him still while Roman approached, Patton standing to close him in-

But they wouldn’t do that. They wouldn’t.

But...it would be so easy now. They were so close together, and he’s made them so, so angry. He would deserve it anyway, he’d only pushed an issue that didn’t matter, been the bad guy again and pushed the only people who cared about him to the point of-

“Anxiety, are you even listening?”

Virgil flinched at the use of that name, the memories of hate and bitter loneliness rushing back all at once, the annoyance in Prince’s voice burning like acid.

No one seemed to notice, anything Virgil even tried to breathe out overshadowed by Logan’s biting remark. “Virgil, we do expect you to at least listen to—“

“Are you ok, Virge?”

It all happened at once, too many people talking, too much anger and hatred and fear, and it was his fault his fault-

He had barely even heard what Patton had said, unable to comprehend the concern building when he was so focused on Roman, who hadn’t stopped ranting.

The creative side raised his hand- and it was just a gesture, just a dramatic gesture, Virgil knew that.

Roman often spoke with his hands when he was worked up, always flamboyant, always moving. Virgil was used to that, it had never bothered him before. It was harmless.

But all of that went right out the window the second he saw Roman raise his arm up, still consumed with anger, and everything after that was a blur of panicked instinct.

He jerked backwards, eyes squeezing shut as the chair tipped over, stumbling on suddenly unsteady legs, everything spinning and far away.

He thought he heard voices, angry no doubt, angry at him for being such a baby, for making such a big deal over a problem he created, but the blood was rushing to his head, heart pounding in his ears.

Virgil felt himself fall backwards, landing hard on the kitchen floor. Without thinking he brought his hands up to block his face, to protect himself as much as he could, whimpering despite himself when he heard approaching footsteps. He curled in on himself, tense and waiting.

“Virge?”

There was a hand on his shoulder, and Virgil flinched back so fast he didn’t realize he’d slammed into the wall until a flare of pain shot up his back.

“Virgil! What’s wrong?”

He was fairly sure it was Patton talking, voice muffled by Virgil’s own out of control breathing, the panic attack building up faster and faster.

Through the haze of fear, Virgil thought that maybe Patton was the one side who wouldn’t hurt him for this. Patton was kind, he wasn’t one to get angry easily, despite how impulsive and protective of Thomas he could be.

The other two could often be swayed by their anger, but Virgil knew they wouldn’t do anything drastic to him if he didn’t deserve it.

Only, Virgil did deserve it. He’d been stupid and unfair, and some anxious part of him had driven him to tear apart the family he’d waited so long for. They had every right to lash out however they saw fit.

And yet here he was, cowering on the floor like a child, unable to stop the string of please that barely translated to breathy, shaking words.

“I- I’m sorry, I sorry guys, we- we can do w-whatever...whatever you guys want I was just- I was just…”

“Hey, Virge it’s ok,” he heard Patton say, and Virgil thought there was a hint of confusion in his voice. “It was just an argument, honey. What’s wrong?”

Slowly and cautiously, painfully aware of how badly he was trembling in his little heap, Virgil glanced up from the floor, face burning when his vision was blurred with hot tears.

Patton was crouched on the floor a few steps away, looking like a deer in the headlights, eyes brimming with his own tears behind his glasses. A spark of hope ignited in Virgil’s chest. Patton wasn’t angry anymore. Patton didn’t look like he wanted to hurt him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil could see Roman and Logan where he’d left them at the table. They’d both stood up at some point, frozen at their chairs, but Virgil didn’t let himself look long enough to see their expressions, pushing himself back against the wall at the cruel reminder of how angry they’d all been.

“Virgil,” Logan said, and Virgil flinched before he could stop himself. “You need to breathe. 4, 7, 8, remember? We—“

“Can’t—“ he gasped out, the uncertainty mixing with fear only making his panic worse. “Can’t breathe, I can’t-- I--please I’m- I’m sorry I’m sorr--”

“Hey kiddo, it’s alright,” Patton said, Virgil latching desperately onto the kindness he could pick up on in the words. “It was just a little argument. I think we all got a little carried away, right guys?”

“Of course!” Roman agreed, still too loud, too close to becoming angry again. “I apologize, I was not acting very...princely, I suppose. If I had known it would…” he trailed off, and Virgil could practically see the crestfallen look in his eyes at the anxious side’s reaction to his voice.

But Virgil couldn’t help it. Because no matter how loud the rational part of his mind screamed at him that everything was fine, it was just Roman and Roman wasn’t angry, Roman would never hurt him, it was buried under the relentless waves of panic.

He would hate himself for the reaction later, he was sure, guilt bubbling somewhere beneath the fear, but the sound of Roman’s voice only made him cry harder, chest squeezing out what little air he could get, leaving him sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, still waiting for a blow that he knew would never come.

“Oh kiddo, oh no we...Logan what do we--”

Patton’s voice faded as Virgil’s breathing got worse, rocking himself slightly, gasping desperately for air he wasn’t allowed to get. He shouldn’t be reacting like this. He shouldn’t. They were his family. They wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how pathetic or annoying he was being, no matter how much a nuisance he was, no matter how much he held Thomas back.

Because that's what he did. That was all he did, no matter how hard he tried to be good, to help and protect, to get the people he cared so much about to just understand. They knew in the long run, they were better off without him. They only put up with him because they had to. If they had an excuse to get rid of him-

What if this was a good enough excuse. He’d made them all pointlessly angry, right after Deceit had tried to manipulate them. He was a Dark Side. They knew that. What if all of Patton’s love wasn’t enough to convince the others not to treat him like one?

What if--

“Virgil.”

Virgil’s eyes snapped open at the calm, carefully calculating voice of Logan, who had somehow managed to kneel by his side without the other noticing his approach. The logical side had begun to reach forward, hand hovering over Virgil’s knee but not touching.

Virgil froze completely, gasping breaths coming to a halt, eyes glued to the unmoving hand. The hand that could so easily grab for him if it wanted to. It wasn’t like he could do much in this state, weak and dizzy, easy to overwhelm.

“Virgil,” Logan said again, that familiar gentle tone he took when Virgil was having an attack. “You’re safe. You’re with us, you’re ok. You’re suffering from cognitive distortions. I assure you, whatever is happening is not--”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

Virgil hadn’t even realized he’d spoken until Logan’s reassurances were abruptly cut off, his hand disappearing from view, the room deathly still and quiet.

And suddenly it was so much worse. Because he couldn't bring himself to look up, couldn’t see the look in Logan’s eyes, couldn’t see where he put his hand-

Virgil’s eyes went to Patton, wide and desperate and clouded with so much irrational fear.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he stuttered, not even sure why he was apologizing anymore, definitely unsure of what he was even afraid of. They weren’t going to hit him or send him away. They wouldn’t. “Sorry, sorry I’m sorry I argued I-I shouldn’t have-should have...should have stopped I’m sorry, you guys can—“

“Virgil.” That was Roman, and there was something about the creative side so easily using his name again that made him stop his rambling. “You don’t need to...you’re not in danger, Virge. Nobody’s upset with you.”

Virgil blinked, glancing wildly around the room at the three sides, his thoughts battling with reason, aching chest struggling to take in shaky breaths.

“But…” they weren’t going to hurt him, they weren’t going to hurt him, “But I...you were mad. I shouldn’t- shouldn’t have kept arguing.”

They argued all the time. It shouldn’t have been any different. But Roman had never...shouted at him like that before, the others were usually able to reign him back in. And they all hadn’t been against him like that, treating him like the antagonist since...since before things had gotten better.

And then he’d been called Anxiety. A slip up that usually would never have been a problem, but today- when things had only been building up with no release, reminders of Deceit and dark sides, it had all been too much.

“Virgil,” Logan said softly, and Virgil winced, everything just a bit too loud. “Can you look at me, please?”

Virgil swallowed, throat still dry and tight, breathing still too fast and painful. But he obeyed, tense and trembling, raising his head to meet Logan’s gaze.

The logical side, though his worry was still evident, gave a small, reassuring smile. “Nobody’s going to hurt you, Virgil.”

And that undid something in him. Because he’d known that, he’d known his family would never hurt him. But hearing it said aloud for him, so simple like it was never even a question, that was all he needed to finally take a full breath, shoulders dropping their defensive stance.

He took in shuddering breath after shuddering breath, unable to stop the hiccuping sobs that escaped in between.

“Oh, kiddo.” Patton was beside him now, hands still hovering, tears welling up in his eyes. “Can I touch you?”

Virgil nodded, refusing to be ashamed of how desperately he needed the physical reminder of safety. He leaned forward, shutting his eyes as he slumped against Patton’s chest, the other side quickly wrapping his arms around Virgil’s back.

“Hey, hey you’re ok,” Patton whispered, holding him close. “Copy my breathing, ok? I’m right here. Hold for four…”

It took some time, as it usually did during a bad panic attack, Patton guiding him though his breathing exercises, breaths slow and exaggerated, voice quiet and soothing.

Virgil almost fell back into a fit of panic when it dawned on him just how stupid he’d been, how tired everyone must be of him doing things like this.

But then Patton kept talking to him, Logan offering gentle reassurances, Roman sending him guilty smiles every time he catches Virgil's wandering gaze, and everything slows down again.

He’s beyond exhausted by the time his breathing slows enough for Patton to be satisfied, his lungs no longer screaming for air. He was too weak to even sit up on his own now, still shaky and sore, eyes heavy and drooping.

He barely even felt himself being lifted off the floor, held in steady, safe arms and carried away from the kitchen. When he did manage to open his eyes, it was to a white suit and Roman looking down at him like Virgil was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Virgil swallowed, guilt rising up in his chest at the reminder of how he’d acted, how the sound of Roman’s voice had driven him deeper into a senseless panic. He could only imagine how bad he’d made Roman feel for something that wasn’t remotely the creative side’s fault.

“I’m sorry,” he slurred, his mouth refusing to cooperate with his muddled mind. “Didn’t...didn’t mean to make you--”

“I shouldn’t have yelled,” Roman said, smiling softly like it was as simple as that. “I should have seen you were having a bad day.”

Virgil tried to shrug, but it was nearly impossible with a body that felt like lead cradled against Prince’s chest while they made their way to the couch.

“It’s ok.”

Roman slowly lowered Virgil onto the cushions, hesitating briefly before settling down next to him, giving the anxious side plenty of time to protest or move away. Not that Virgil would, Roman a welcome distraction from the shivers still racking his body.

“Patton’s getting you some water,” Prince explained. “And Logan’s running to find extra blankets. Do you...want to be alone?”

Any other time, Virgil might have been embarrassed by how quickly he shook his head, and later he would definitely deny the way he leaned into the warmth of Roman’s touch. But he didn’t miss the quiet sigh of relief that came from the other side, or the fond smile he couldn’t quite shake.

Roman hummed under his breath, carding his fingers through Virgil’s hair as he gradually drifted off, vaguely aware of someone draping a blanket over his shoulders, two more weights settling on either side of him.

Virgil was fading before he could even think to try to make out what any of them were saying, the distant sound of their voices lulling him to sleep, still aware of the protective hold Prince had on him.