#and buck and eddie thought the two children had died

[trashendence]

IF chris is in danger and IF buck takes charge while everyone is too hurt/helping the wounded, well, it’s going to be the last piece of the puzzle for eddie. when everything calms down and everyone is safe, when he reconsiders which shape the empty spot in his life is, exactly - that of a best friend and a partner and a confidant and a challenge and a co-parent who can keep his head when eddie himself (eddie who needs to be in control) loses it - he will see what not looking for something can get you.

[watchyourbuck]

Oh god okay here we go

Why must I go into heavy detail you ask? Well, I am actually unable to shut up so here it is them 10 TOP “there’s no chance this is a straight friendship” MOMENTS

“You can have my back any day” aka the enemies to lovers speedrun. The immediate feeling we’re supposed to get from the screen is jealousy. Buck is jealous of the new recruit because he’s hot, a medic, a veteran, whatever. I’ll give it to you children, he WAS jealous. But then they go on call and they get into immediate danger bc 911 is a drama and then Eddie’s very keen on being Buck’s partner. Nothing queer til then right? WRONG. Eddie’s line is pretty normal but the way Buck reacts isn’t. I have had my fair share of “huh this person I didn’t like is actually cool” moments but nEVER have I once sucked in a breath, forgot how to blink, rushed in my words OR stared at said person like I’d like for them to be my lover. Three points to Gayfindor.

“Is your son REALLY the reason you don’t date?” This line and the dialogue that follows makes absolutely no sense from the non-queer glass. Alright he asks bc he wants to know why two girls practically launched themselves at him and he declined (such a kind offer lmao) but… why are you standing so close? Why do you bump shoulders with him as you walk? Most importantly, what the FUCK does Eddie’s smirk mean after “they’re not my type either… not anymore.” Idk about you guys but when I’m not on the market I’m actually not in it 😀 and I don’t go around looking at my best friend like I’d consider fucking her (I’m actually kinda yikes about that thought bc she’s like my sister). Bottom line is: if you’re willing to fuck your best friend, there’s attraction. That scenes oozes attraction and I’d be willing to white glove challenge a body language reader.

The Tsunami. YES okay, there are far many moments in between but I also need to make this a somewhat readable list so here we go. We’re gonna pretend for a hot second Buck wants to save his best friend’s son, and not the child that he considers his own bc I’m tired. Let’s skip to the far end of this (be GrAtEfuL I’m skipping the whole sacrifice that this episode entailed. Buck was willing to die, to never sit down again if it meant looking for Chris [& the utter fear he has to face Eddie]. It’s a lot). Now, I do not OWN a child (thank god) but if I did, I wouldn’t be particularly comfortable with a simple friend from work taking care of them. They could be my very best friend from work and I’d still feel a little icky -at least nervous- about it. Yet Eddie not only takes Christopher back A F T E R the tsunami (Chris could’ve died and Eddie is nothing short of apprehensive), but he says ‘there’s no one I trust with my son more than you’. Um. Not his wife. Not his family (CHRIS’ family), not Abuela, not Tia Pepa. Buck. Who he… just met? Surely it isn’t bc he’s uncle buck… I don’t believe even Maddie has said that to Buck, where he’s actually, yknow, UNCLE BUCK. Co-parenting is not something done between a parent and a friend, and I know this shit bc my mom raised me with a few of her friends and guys,,, she never said that to any of them. Also Chris is practically never seen with anyone else from the 188firefam alone.

The Kitchen Scene™️. I have gone on rants about this before but truth be told THIS is the scene that conveys the MOST canonically sexual tension between them. We can joke about it all y’all want but this scene is unhinged. I don’t think Oliver and Ryan were aware that they should’ve been friends in this scene. The way the conversation shifts from apologetic sad puppy eyes to “you’re throwing your punches at the wrong guy” to I CAN TAKE YOU (???) you can what? “Oh you think?” “Oh I know” HELLO? Pls don’t even get me started on how Buck approaches Eddie, the way he’s puffy-chested, his hand on his belt, eyeing him up and down, nearly biting his lip, cocky grin,,,,, explain to me in hetero. I’m waiting😐 guys c’mon exPLAIN IT TO ME IN HETERO. The way Eddie glances to the side bc where’s Chris? And h o w he sips his beer right after, smirking, tiLTING His head. I’m sorry this is not straight in any way. I’m sorry you’re gonna have to accept this.

Clipboard Buck. Alright u got me!!! This one’s a lil silly, but so is my life, so it’s fair game. Clipboard Buck is annoying as fuck, he’s so fucking annoying. The entire firefam picks up on this, no one wants to be around,,,, except Eddie. You could argue that it’s bc he likes him as a friend and he’s just indulging …. 👁️👄👁️ sure but he also hides from Interim Captain Han soooo anyway what’s fun about this is how willing Eddie is to comply with everything he says. He’s basically twirling his hair, kicking his feet, smiling & blushing and “check!” 🧍🏽‍♀️ buck is kinky (that is canon e.g the ring cutter) and he gets high on authority and Eddie does backflips to meet his kinks. Exhibit 5 complete.

The Lawsuit Arc acka the first divorce era😔✊🏼. This one makes me rage a little bit because I get really upset at Buck for acting recklessly. Like baby let yourself HEAL. Anyway,,,, onto what brings us here 🥷🏼. It’s canon that the entire team is mad at Buck, they don’t really wanna bump into him, can’t really speak to him,,, but Eddie? Eddie’s filled with wrath. I cannot stress enough the fact that he uses Chris as an excuse “do you even know how much he misses you? how could you! you’re not here”. The way he expresses himself, and we’re choosing to ignore the fact that he HIMSELF misses Buck,, that’s how you talk to someone who has a responsibility with the child, not the fun coworker that randomly shows up @ your house with pizza every once in a while. “I couldn’t even call you to bail me out of jail”. He’s so u p s e t that for the first time they know each other he can’t rely on Buck when he’s hurting and in danger. And pls for the love of Jesus Christ my lord & savior don’t tell me that it’s a 118 thing bc he calls Ronda Rousey to come pick him up 🎅🏻 that grocery store scene is.. interesting.

Eddie Underground. Alright we’re getting serious now guys,,, might as well put on your thinking caps on this one. We all know the story, this isn’t a latest ep recap soooo The wAY Buck’s the ONLY ONE who desperately calls Eddie’s name when he’s fallen underground, amidst the heavy rain and dirt. Listen to me: he starts digging with his hands. With his bare hands I tell you!!!! 😩 Bobby has to physically pull him back as he cries on his lap. Buck is a smart man, he wouldn’t do something that’s completely illogic, he knows he can’t dig him out but he’s so desperate. His voice breaks, he can’t breathe, he becomes impulsive, reckless, impatient. Do I need to remind y’all the reason he wasn’t the one getting strapped to go underground??? “You’re not going down there. So we can have two cut off ropes?” Everyone knows he’s willing to sacrifice his integrity for Eddie bc his life doesn’t make sense without him. “We’ll get him back for you”

The Shooting + “I’ve made u my son’s dad lol”. When Eddie gets shot the world freezes for Buck. He’s left standing there, staring as Eddie’s blood splatters on him. He has to be tackled down. Even then, he’s unable to move, to breathe. He just looks as he bleeds out, and theN he snaps back into reality, bracing himself to go under the truck (foregoing his own trauma - I’ve said this before) and preparing for the amount of strength it’s gonna take to pull him under it. He screams at him to hold on, and later when he manages to pull him inside the truck he tells him he needs him to hang on. He rips his uniform open, he cries and screams,,, then Eddie wakes up, and he asks BUCK if HES okay. Bc he saw blood :( also as @butraura pointed out, he can’t die if Buck’s dying bc what about Chris? He only lets himself drift off when he knows Buck’s okay. Then we got The Will Reveal™️ also so unhinged. “You knew I wouldn’t turn it down” right what is this guys??? That was a year ago. He added him to his will A yEaR aGo. Idk about y’all but I haven’t added my friends to my will😀 also Buck’s the one who tells Chris ??? (I’m being very brief on this subject). Also “Because, Evan” shut up🧎🏽‍♀️

& 10. The Lightning Strike + “She sees me”. I’m doing these together bc I haven’t watched this episodes yet but I’m an addict so I’ve spoiled myself to the brim. The way Eddie screams Buck’s name, the way he saves him, “do more” h e l l o ?? The absolute PAIN in Eddie’s eyes, “you died Buck” “3 minutes and 17 seconds”, “his humor hasn’t changed” & the fact that he listens to Buck on his super genius math theory. And then Buck goes and says “I feel like Natalia sees me” ok. I mean my feelings mean nothing but Eddie’s face ??? That’s a man that knows he’s waited too long.

I rest my case. I’m missing a lot of scenes (like a lot omg Abby comes back, Buck under the Truck, Buck vomiting blood, the Taylor Arc) & y’all can argue in the comments about them, or add shit or try to dismantle mine, honestly the floor is yours idc wHat u do, just know you won’t convince me otherwise 🤸🏽these two are in love & that’s pretty much that on THAT. PERIOD.

[lokis-army-77]

Fathers Day 1996

Dad!Eddie Munson x Mom!reader

Word Count: 1625

Based on the tiktoks of moms taking their children to Dollar Tree to buy Father's Day presents.

Warning: None

Masterlist 

Mommy, Mommy, Daddy needs this." Alex shook the crayon box wildly in front of him. 

"Oh, I think he does. Drop it in the cart sweetheart." I smile at him as he excitedly throws the box into the already full shopping cart. 

It was a few days before Father's Day and since Alex was now three going on twenty-three, with how independent he was, I decided it would be fun to have him pick out Eddie’s presents. 

The 10-dollar Dollar Tree budget had gone out the door as soon as Alex had walked into the store and started grabbing everything he thought his daddy needed. Pretty soon we hit twenty bucks and I had to cap him off or else he probably would have bought out the entire store. 

"Alex, baby, I think we've gotten Daddy enough presents. Why don't we go buy them and then we can wrap them up when we get home?" 

He grinned wide and nodded his head. "Otay Mommy." Then he grabbed the front of the buggy and led us to the cashier, an extremely bored-looking teenage girl. 

With every item Alex placed on the conveyer belt, he explained to the girl, "Dis is for my Daddy because it's Father's Day and he's my Daddy." 

The girl just nodded along to what he was saying and I gave her a small smile before handing her a 20 dollar bill and picking Alex up. 

As I walked out the door, Alex darned in my arm and waved at the girl, "Bye-bye!" 

............ 

When Sunday came, Alex couldn't contain himself. There was a lot of excitement in that little body of his and it had him bouncing off the walls like it was Christmas morning. 

At around 7:43 I heard the bedroom door creak open and then the soft thud of toddler's feet making their way across the carpeted floor and to the bed. 

A soft smile spread across my lips when I felt a tiny finger poke my cheek and then the soft whisper of my son. "Mommy, wake up." 

I pry open one eye and squint at him. "Alex, sweetheart, it's not even eight yet." I sigh but sit up a little anyway, knowing that if he's awake, I'm not going back to be any time soon. 

"Mommy, it's Father’s Day!" He whisper shouts. 

"I know, love." I reached out to him and bring him close so I can give his chubby cheek a kiss. He giggles. 

"Why don't we let Daddy sleep in? We can go make him some breakfast." 

Alex seems to like that idea by the way he practically bolts out of the bedroom. 

I try to crawl out of bed without waking Eddie who slept deeply on the other side of the bed. The hand that had originally gripped my hip during the night now laying limp in the valley between our bodies. 

Leaning over I give him a quick kiss on the temple before getting up and hurrying into the kitchen before Alex can get into something he shouldn't. 

With the help of an excellent sous chef, we made quick work of breakfast. Crispy bacon, waffles with mini chocolate chips sprinkled on top, scrambled eggs, two plain and one with hot sauce, a glass of orange juice, and 2 glasses of milk. 

I plated all the food, giving Eddie his hot sauce-smothered eggs and OJ, and then set them on a big tray. 

"Alex, why don't you go wake Daddy now? I'll follow so we can have breakfast in bed." 

"Bweckfast in bed?" He asks. 

"Yep, we're gonna eat on Mommy and Daddy's bed." 

He was giddy at that answer, only ever used to having to eat at the dinner table. After that, he needed no encouragement to run into the bedroom and climb on top of Eddie. 

"Daddy, Daddy. Wake up! Wake up!" Alex screamed. I walked in to see him sitting on Eddie's chest, bouncing up and down. 

Eddie groaned at the weight of the boy. "I'm up dude. I'm up. Stop bouncing." 

"It's Father's Day and you're my Daddy." He gushed, his tiny fingers pushing Eddie's eyebrow up to try and force him to open his eyes. 

"Oh? Is it?" 

"It is. Me and Mommy made you Bweckfast and a pwesent." His tone was matter of factly. 

"I can smell it. Where is Mommy?" 

"Right here, Hun," I answer, walking the tray of food to my side of the bed and placing it on the sheets as I sat crisscross next to Eddie's laid-out form. 

He turned his head and smiled at me. "Morning Momma." He sat up carefully on his elbows, Alex sliding down his chest and into his lap, giggling. 

"Morning." I gave him a slow, soft kiss on the lips. 

"Eww, cooties." Alex cries, pushing us apart. Eddie and I chuckle. 

"I don't think Mommy has cooties, little buddy." Eddie sits up more, back leaning against the headboard. 

"No, but you do," Alex informs. 

"Sweetheart, it's Father's Day, that means Daddy is cootie free for the day." 

"Oh. Okay." Alex accepts my explanation no question asked before going on to the next thing. "Can we eat now?" 

I nod and distribute the plates, handing Eddie his and taking mine, leaving Alex's on the tray so that hopefully if he spilled anything it would land there and not the duvet but a mess would most likely be made none-the-less. 

....... 

After breakfast, we moved to the living room where I made Eddie sit in his recliner and cover his eyes. 

"No peaking," Alex ordered as we headed to the hall closet to grab his presents. 

"Wouldn't dream of it bud," Eddie called. 

With twenty cheap items from the Dollar store, the gift bag that held them all felt really heavy yet Alex insisted he could hold it. 

I trailed behind him as he waddled his way back to the living room and plopped the bag down at Eddie's feet. 

"Happy Father's Day, Daddy!" Alex clapped and I cheered along with him as I took my spot behind him sitting on the floor. 

Eddie opened his eyes and smiled. "Oh wow, a present." 

"I picked dem out all by myself," Alex informed happily. 

"You did? That's amazing bud." Eddie bent over and grabbed the first thing out of the bag. "Oh cool, a red power anger mask that's also sunglasses." Another item. "Wow I have always wanted a bottle of olive oil," He laughed. Another. "Alex, buddy, Joe did you know I needed a Barny coloring book," he gasped out, and crayons to go with!" 

I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes as Eddie took out every item from the bag and thanked his son for all of it. Even if they were really only children's things that Alex would like or something completely off the wall. It was such a special moment and it had me close to bawling my eyes out there on the living room floor. 

When we were done, Eddie grabbed Alex and gave him a bear hug. "Thank you so much, buddy. This was the best Father's Day present ever." 

Alex just smiled and hugged his daddy back. "You're welcome, Daddy." 

"Love you bud." Eddie gave him a big kiss on both cheeks. 

"Wove you too." Alex followed his dad's action and gave a kiss on either side of his scruffy cheeks. 

When Eddie put him down, Alex then ran off to his room, the excitement of Daddy opening his present gone. 

I stayed on the floor, willing the silent tears from my cheeks. 

"Aww baby." Eddie cooed. "Why are enough crying?" He knelt down beside me, pulling me into a hug. 

"I don't know. I'm just so happy and I love you" I cried harder into his chest. 

"Oh honey, I love you." He kissed the top of my head. 

When I was able to talk without being choked the lump in my throat, pulled away. "I actually have a present for you too." 

He looked down at me with soft eyes. "Sweetheart you didn't have to get me anything. You gave me that sweet boy in there, that's all I could ask for." 

I smiled. "Well, I didn't buy it so.." 

"Oh, you didn't? Then what is it?" 

"Well." I take his hand and place it on my stomach. "We're gonna have another baby." 

If Eddie were hooked up to a heart monitor I think the only sound in the room would be the flat line tone. He froze, eyes growing wide as he looked from my own down to where our hands rested on my stomach. 

"Really? Are you sure?" He asked, voice soft. 

I nod. "I took three tests, all positive, and I'm about three weeks late." 

A giant grin spread over his face and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes surfaced. "We're gonna have a baby." He surged forward, kissing me hard. "Fuck baby, that's the best thing you could have ever told me." Another kiss. 

I laugh. "I'm glad." 

He pulled us apart and rested his lips on my forehead as he held me close. "How the heck am I gonna top this for your Mother's Day present next year?" 

"Well, you could finish that bookcase I asked you to build me that you never started." 

He pulled away and looked and me sheepishly. "I will definitely get on that baby. Like right now, no need to wait till May. He hurriedly stood to his feet, helped me up too, gave me another kiss, then walked toward the garage where the supplies for the bookcase had been sitting for a few months. 

Ever so slightly could I hear, "Fuck yeah, I'm gonna be a dad again."

[queerbuckleys]

YOU MADE HER LIKE THAT [1k | buckley siblings | 6x10 spec] {ao3}

a/n: ending inspired by this post by @buckleyirondad <3. title from mad woman by taylor swift.

TW: reference to canonical suicide attempt.

There have been moments in Maddie’s life where everything has gone right. The past few days have been the opposite of that. Especially the past few hours. It had started with a quip about Jee’s bed time. Then how Chimney wasn’t here as if he wasn’t working. She was starting to hate the fact that this house had a guest bedroom.

She stood her ground. Pointedly skewered her parents. Then they had disappeared until now.

The rain pelting against the windows. Thunder booming. Lightning cracking the sky. The house was still. Jee is scared enough to not want to sleep or be alone, as she plays in the living room under Maddie’s watchful eye. She is still feeling the fire burning like there was more to say. There were decades worth of pain.

“Maddie, we wanted to come down and apologize,” her father begins. And it only douses more gasoline.

“For what? For everything? Never loving your children. Leaving me when I needed my parents to save me?” her phone begins to ring, “Not seeing what was in front of your faces. I wanted to die for 30 years, I almost took my own life last year and you never entered my mind as something to come back for.”

Her phone is incessant. She finally picks it up, “Chimney, I am in the middle of something so this-”

“Maddie, it’s Buck,” she hears the fear in his voice. It’s an echo of Bobby’s last year, “it’s bad. You need to get here fast.”

HEr entire body shakes,

“He was struck by lightning while up on the ladder.”

“Oh god, Buck.”

Her parents raise their heads watching their daughter with scrutiny.

“I’ll get there.”

She hangs up with a shaky finger.

“I, I need to go. I don’t know if I can-”

“We’ll drive you,” her father replies softly.

---

“Your son is in that hospital, dying.” Maddie breaks the drive long silence as she opens the car door her mother still stares blankly forward. Her father gulps but says nothing. She gathers Jee in her arms.

“You can leave her with us.” Margaret says.

“No. If this is her last chance to be with her uncle I am not taking that away from her.” She slams the car door.

She holds her daughter tight to her chest as she walks through the doors. Her legs are still a bit shaky and her eyes trying not to cry too preemptively.

She finds Chimney's eyes immediately in the waiting room. They hold the question with baited breath. And she shakes her head. “It's just the two of us.” she says quietly.

She finds home in his arms for a moment.

“What happened?” she begs, “Why was he up there?”

Chimney clears his throat, “he was finishing up the call, and it started raining and before he could get down the lightning struck him,” Chimney swallows and eyes Eddie who’s sitting with his hands twisted in his lap. “He was hanging, and Eddie, Eddie, went up to get him. But he was up there for a few minutes before we got him down. Maddie, he died up there. We got him back, but he was dead. I thought for a second that Ii was going to have to tell you— that I—“

“Can I see him yet?”

“They’re still getting him set up in a room. Should be soon though,"Bobby replies.

She lets Chimney take Jee completely as she makes her way across the waiting room to Eddie. worry etched deep in his eyes.

“Eddie,” she takes his fidgety hand in her shaky one, “thank you.”

He finally looks at her, lip between his teeth.

“I haven't saved him yet.”

“You gave him one hell of a chance.”

“Maddie,” she hears Chimney say with a new sort of worry in his voice. She looks up and sees her parents standing there, faces still blank.

“No. No you do not get to change your mind. You don’t get to come in here because you know you’ll be judged if you don’t and that is the thing you fear the most isn’t it? Why you hid everything from him? Why we moved. So no, you don’t get to come here for yourselves. To feel better about giving up on him three times. Because you don’t get to start caring now. You are thirty years too late. Fuck you and get out.”

They don’t move.

“This. This is what you will be judged for. It's even worse than if you had just driven off back to Pennsylvania when your son died out there. And you are standing in front of the people who saved him. Brought him back to this world, who put their own lives at risk for his. So shame on you for trying now. You don’t get to anymore. Leave.”

They still don’t move, defiant looks on their faces.

And she glances at Bobby whose face is stoic and focused. He moves between them and her standing to his full height. As she crumbles into Chimney's arms again.

“She told you to get out.” His voice is calm and stoic, laced with anger.

Athena comes back from gathering some coffee and snacks and reads the situation carefully and stands next to her husband raising an eyebrow.

“You heard them. Would you like a police escort?”

They quickly turn on their heels not having said a word in their defense or redemption.

The minutes tick by slowly until a nurse comes and tells them he’s ready for visitors and Maddie takes Jee in her arms and makes her way back, Chimney following close behind.

He looks so vulnerable. Small even.

“Buck! Uncle Buck!” Jee gleefully shouts as she sees him in the bed.

“He's sleeping, baby, be gentle.”

“Uncle Buck sleeping?” Jee says gentler this time and nods, “Good night. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams. I love you. See you in the morning sunshine.” she repeats their nightly chorus softly patting her small hand on his big one.

Chimney takes Jee again and Maddie takes her brother's hand on hers, stroking his knuckles.

“You can’t do this to me Evan. You can’t make me lose both of you. Promise me that?” she hooks her pinky in his limp one, “You come back to me, you hear me?”

[eliikjii]

In fact, I have long thought that Buddie has surpassed the traditional romantic relatinship, which is two pieces of soul would eventually merge into one. The chemistry between the two characters makes me think that they belong to each other from the very beginning.

What Evan Buckley has been pursuing all his life, To find an identity that Eddie had already given him: love, family, a needed person, and more importantly, acceptance of all that he had, no matter what he did. I can't stop crying every time I think about Eddie changing that piece of his will. Ever since Shannon died, and even before that, Christopher, his child means the world to him. All of Eddie's suffering, all of his sacrifice, all of his love, the center of his universe is his child, his child is all he had. After his heart stopped beating one day, he still believes that Buck would be the one to love Christopher as if he were still alive. What's more, it seemed like Eddie had not intended to tell Buck about it. Instead, what Buck said to Eddie, "I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” made Eddie say those words. When Eddie told Buck about it, I can't think of a more moving confession than it when Buck finally finds his soul and the anchor of his life, the reason he's fighting for. One man trusting his whole life to another in pursuit of his meaning.

Eddie has always been one to suppress his emotions and not put them into words, but almost everything he did for Buck was a statement of love. This love is the sum of all love, and I can't even describe well what this love is and where it comes from. That unconditional trust brings me back to that quote, “two people who have been together, day in and day out, bound not by sex or physical attraction, money, children or possessions, but by mutual understanding, to pay for an alliance that was never signed. Friendship is witnessing the slow trickle of sadness in another person's life, and all kinds of long boredom, plus the occasional success. Friendship is the privilege of being present at another person's worst moment, knowing that it is a privilege, and knowing that you can be there to grieve too.”

I can hardly imagine one of them not being there for each other. It's as if you've cut a part out of them. In the first 30 some more years of their life, they have experienced all the pain, all the separation, all the confusion and hesitation, all the self-denial and hatred, and finally met each other at a certain point, belong to each other, and go forward hand in hand. It was almost the best thing fate could do for them.

[canonicallyobserving911]

In some instances, 6x11 was not CANONICALLY accurate

Please note this post has nothing to do with the actors and actresses playing the characters but it has everything to do with the characters’ characterizations. All of 9-1-1’s actors and actresses are great and every one of them have the ability to deliver stellar performances.  They did the best they could with the scripts they were given so this isn’t about them.  It’s also not about the writers because they don’t have final approval of the storylines and arcs that make it into the final episodes.

I posted my initial thoughts about the lack of Eddie last night and let me be clear, in real life, not Fanfiction, I never expected for Eddie to appear in Buck’s dream sequence at any point and here’s why.

In CANON if Buck wasn’t a firefighter, then Bobby would have lost his job in season 1 because Buck wouldn’t have been there with Hen to help him after the plane crash when he fell off the wagon.  Bobby being gone from the 118 means Eddie would not have been hired to work there because Bobby wouldn’t have been there to recruit him and Eddie would have probably ended up at station 6. I never expected for Eddie to have died in The Well or The Shooting in Buck’s dream because if the firehouse he ended up working for wasn’t dispatched to those scenes, then he wouldn’t have been involved in those incidents. The whole dynamic would have been different but of course the narrative was changed in 6x11 to fit this new and improved characterization of Buck.

Before addressing two things that were GLARINGLY wrong with Buck’s dream and his actions after he woke up in 6x11, it appears one of Buck’s dream memories was not CANONICALLY accurate.  Buck not being a firefighter wasn’t the thing that pushed Bobby over the edge and it wasn’t the reason why Bobby fought to live.  Bobby had been planning to commit suicide in season 1 and he had already talked to his priest about it but Chimney was the person who helped Bobby realize he mattered after Bobby donated blood during the 118’s blood drive.  Someone from the hospital tested his blood and learned it has the potential to save a lot of babies lives after they’re born.  It was Chimney who found parents with a baby who was saved by Bobby’s blood and he invited Bobby to the hospital and introduced them to each other.  This happened after Bobby told Chimney he was planning to commit suicide but just like always, everything had to be adjusted to fit the narrative the showrunner wanted to tell about Buck.

Two parts of Buck’s storyline in 6x11 that also weren’t CANONICALLY accurate have been included below.

The Buckley Parents

First, redemption for the Buckley parents was nonsensical because nothing happened on-screen to justify them being redeemed.  The dynamic between Buck and his parents has always been based on the way Buck hurt himself and in 6x11 things were exactly the same. His parents went to the hospital because he was hurt but Margaret said in 4x4 “9-1-1 What’s Your Grievance?” she wasn’t good with seeing her children in the hospital so the question is how did she magically become good with it now? Did they discuss it in the two therapy sessions Buck said they agreed to have with him in 4x6 “Jinx”?  If so then it would have made narrative sense if it had been addressed with one line in 6x10 “In a Flash” when they first showed up but even their demeanors in that episode were completely off.  Buck admitted it later on while riding in the firetruck when he said they thought him being a sperm donor was an idiotic decision which proved they haven’t changed one bit.  His parents were still keeping up appearances but no real growth with them has happened.  The other two times Buck was in the hospital in seasons 2 and 3, they didn’t visit him and it seems like they wouldn’t have visited him in 6x11 either if they hadn’t already been in L.A.

Second, Buck’s mother wanting to redecorate his loft and him just letting her do it was ridiculous for several reasons.  Margaret wasn’t shown being in his loft before 6x11 and for her to tell him they were going to buy him a couch when he said he didn’t want one was weird.  She took over the same way TK did in 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” when she moved in.  This leads to the next point because the question now becomes did Buck learn anything about his parents from his dream?  NO because his parents were the same in both his dream and his reality and he was never shown making a definitive decision about his relationship with them. They were redeemed without him having a serious discussion and him sitting in his armchair at the end of the episode looking all happy like they’re some kind of perfect family when they aren’t was even weirder.  Bobby told Buck in his dream he couldn’t fix everything but Buck said he fixed him (he didn’t see paragraph above about Chimney) and now it seems like Buck’s still trying to fix his parents the same way he believes he fixed Bobby.

He’s still repeating the same mistakes expecting for them to change when they obviously haven’t but he wants a family so bad he’s willing to hold onto whatever resemblances of a family he sees and just roll with it.  The main issue is Buck is still not dealing with his problems that stemmed from his relationship or lack thereof with his mother.  In all of Buck’s romantic relationships, he just went along for the ride and let the women in his life control everything and now he’s doing it again. But this time, it’s happening with his mother the woman who’s the source of all his emotional trauma.  Will he ever talk to her to let her know how much she hurt him?  Probably not but her offering to decorate his loft was another way she’s using to control him and it was VERY LOUD but he still doesn’t see it.  So, what exactly has Buck learned from this whole lightning strike debacle?  Whether he learned something or not is difficult to say but it appears he’s still going in circles since he won’t ADMIT what and who he wants in his life because he’s still trying to make people see him the way he wants them too instead of him being who he is.  In Buck’s dream, Bobby told him, “If what matters to you most is the way other people see you then… you haven’t learned a damn thing”.  The episode ended and it seemed like Buck still hasn’t learned anything since he wants to please his parents and try to have a better relationship with them without talking about any of the issues he’s had with them. Bobby told him in 5x9 “Past is Prologue” he doesn’t talk to the women he dates but that statement can also be applied to his mother since he won’t talk to her about the way she treated him.  He's still trying to please his parents when they’re showing him a mirage, it’s the life they know he wants to see and now since they won’t even be involved for the rest of the season, another big hole has been left in Buck’s storyline.  It’s unlikely the hole will be addressed anytime soon because as usual it’s wash, rinse and repeat with Buck’s characterization so it’s unclear if he’ll ever address the issues he’s had with his parents in the future.

Eddie’s characterization

Eddie is a great dad and he was one before he met Buck.  Buck said it himself in 2x4 “Stuck” that Eddie’s a great dad so how did Eddie go from being a great dad in reality to him being an “angry guy” in Buck’s dream who let his parents take his son away from him?  This was another forced narrative that didn’t make any sense because Eddie would have quit being a firefighter before he would have relinquished custody of Chris to his parents.  Proof of this statement happened in 5x10 “Wrapped in Red” when Eddie quit the 118 because he was worried about Chris thinking he was going to die.  Also, Eddie left El Paso, TX to get AWAY from his parents and even though he’s reconciled with Ramon, he has yet to deal with his own mother and the way she treated him while he was growing up and after he was discharged from the Army.  She was the driving force behind trying to take Chris away from him and he still hasn’t dealt with it. Eddie sacrifices everything for Chris including, giving up the job he loved in 5x10 to work in a job he disliked, he tried to reconcile with Shannon in 2x10 “Merry Ex-Mas” for Chris’ sake but it didn’t work, he planned to stick it out with Ana in 5x2 “Desperate Times” even though his heart wasn’t in it since he was only doing it for Chris’ sake again and he does everything he can to make sure Chris has what he needs. The assassination of his character was unnecessary because he's not some “angry guy” who would have lost his kid in a custody battle with his parents just because Buck wasn’t a firefighter.  Buck did introduce Eddie to Carla but if Buck hadn’t been at the 118 and Eddie ended up at station 6, then Eddie would have quit firefighting and found another job in L.A. that would have allowed him to support both of them instead of allowing his parents to sue him for custody.

The show has practically removed the support system Eddie already had in L.A. before he met Buck. They moved his abuela Isabel back to TX and the audience didn’t learn about it until 5x17 “Hero Complex” when Eddie, Chris and Pepa traveled there for Ramon’s retirement party.  Pepa hasn’t been in an episode since 5x17 but they keep putting Carla in the episodes so Eddie will have someone to talk to other than Buck.  It’s clear from the scenes with Chimney and Karen that Eddie has other friends but the show won’t let those friendships be shown on-screen.  Since Eddie arrived, the show has made him completely dependent on Buck and the 118 but they haven’t made Buck completely dependent on Eddie.  This is a problem because the GA still doesn’t understand the nature of Buck and Eddie’s relationship.

In 6x10 and 6x11 it was clear from Eddie’s reaction to Buck being hurt how much Buck means to him but it’s still unclear how much Eddie means to Buck. Reminder The Shooting happened almost two years ago, they still haven’t talked about it and a lot of things have happened since then.  Buck being the one to talk to Chris after Eddie was shot was LOUD and so was Eddie’s will reveal but they still haven’t discussed the meaning behind those two instances. Also, Buck broke down Eddie’s bedroom door to get to him in 5x13 after Eddie’s breakdown but since the show said the underlying cause was Eddie’s PTSD, the GA didn’t understand there was more to Eddie’s statement about the way he wanted to feel normal again. It’s been a year since his breakdown and now that Buck was hurt, to the GA, the feelings Eddie has for him kind of seem like they’re one-sided even though the fandom understands and knows they aren’t.

After Buck woke up, why wasn’t he allowed to tell Eddie that him being struck by lightning wasn’t Eddie’s fault?  Eddie internalizes EVERYTHING and he’s blaming himself for Buck being hurt but the show isn’t addressing it.  He’s torturing himself and instead of allowing them to talk about it, the showrunner has mentioned multiple times the way Eddie’s going to start dating again and she thinks it’s going to be fun for him (it won’t be). Apparently, Eddie’s storylines are going in circles just like Buck’s are since he already tried dating again in 4x6. It seems like this is another delay tactic being setup so he can finally realize who he wants to be with and it’s ridiculous because he already knows he wants to be with Buck.  He reached for Buck after the shooting, he can’t keep his eyes off him, he made Buck the legal guardian to his son and now his character is being assassinated and Buck was made to look like the best dad ever at the expense of Eddie.

The GA still sees Buck and Eddie as platonic friends who have a deep brotherly type of love for one another and that’s after they watched the kitchen scene and all the googly eyes they keep making at each other.  Until one of them makes a love confession or at least an implication is made that they are definitely going to be more than just friends and work partners, then it’s likely the showrunner will keep doing the same things she’s been doing for the past few seasons of keeping Buck and Eddie occupied by having them date other people instead of putting them together.  Additionally, the GA doesn’t write 10K word Metas and Theories which means they don’t understand the symbolism of Eddie not being able to look at Buck while he was in his hospital room or the absence of Eddie in Buck’s dream.  Eddie’s absence didn’t translate to the GA the way it translated to the fandom because they don’t understand there could be a bigger plan associated with Buck and Eddie ending up in a romantic relationship. Furthermore, the majority of the GA doesn’t read post-mortem interviews and they shouldn’t have to in order to understand what is happening on the show. No one should have to read an interview with OS or the showrunner to learn about things that should have been included in the episode.

Buck’s dream presented the show with the perfect opportunity for him to demonstrate the way he has real romantic feelings for Eddie and to demonstrate the way Eddie reciprocates those feelings but as usual they separated them and now the GA is posting again about not watching the rest of the season. They’re also posting about how Buck and Eddie don’t even seem to be friends anymore just like they did in 6A.

It’s unclear where Buck and Eddie’s relationship is headed but if the show doesn’t do something definitive soon to alert the GA of an impending romantic relationship, then they’re going to lose even more viewers than they lost after season 5 ended.  As of March 14, 2023, 6x11 “In Another Life” had a 6.5 out of a 10-star rating on IMDB and it’s the lowest rating of any episode in season 6 so far.   Ratings haven’t been this low since season 5 so it appears the audience is not happy and they’re losing interest in the storylines again.  It seems like every time the show takes one step forward, the showrunner drags it back 30,000 steps in the opposite direction. Will things get better before the end of the season and the show loses more viewers?  Only the showrunner(s), writers and producers know the answer to that question.

[rainbowmess823]

So I've been reading a lot of Robin Dies fics bcos I need a way to breakdown properly and I need an output to cry. It got me thinking, what if. Hear me out. What if Robin dies in the last battle? Idk how, prolly shielded Nancy and Steve from smth this girl is seriously protective of her friends and I can't be told otherwise. IMAGINE THIS! Bit longer than I anticipated.

----

It's been a week since their victory against Vecna. A week. A victory? Would a victory hurt this much? They won but did they really? Max slipped into a coma, Eddie sacrificed himself buying them more time, and Robin shielded them so that they could win. They won but they lost so much.

Lucas and Erica watched three return from the Upside Down, five went in but only three came back. Three walked into the hospital room where Max slept. Three pairs of eyes unable to look at them and tell them what they lost. One lost a mentor, a brother he didn't get to have long enough. One lost a soulmate who did what she always did, put herself in danger to keep them safe. One lost a "what could've been", a bird that gave her so much light.

When the California gang reunited with them, it was in the hospital room. The quiet felt suffocating and they couldn't understand why until Lucas had quietly explained what they had lost. The loss of a party member, and a dungeon master. They had their zoomer but she was asleep for who knows how long.

It wasn't long after that Dustin had brought the entire Party to the woods. Leading the way, telling them it was a place Wayne mentioned that Eddie, Robin, and Chrissy had built as children. Dustin told them what Wayne had revealed to him. A trio of musketeers with clovers tattooed on them, a trio who hadn't let society tear them apart. They stopped below a tree house, a tree house Wayne had said was filled with laughter and memories. Slowly climbing up into the tree house, a beautiful sight welcomed them. Band posters plastered all over the wall, mixtapes overflowing a box in the corner next to a beaten radio, a soft rug place just by a window, two comfy looking beanbags, and photos littered everywhere. They saw fragments of the musketeers. A dusty acoustic guitar leaning on a beanbag, a pair of pom-poms on the other, and VHS tapes stacked on the rug. Photos of the musketeers in their youth, Buck's first Halloween, Dracula's mini concert, Bone being absolutely metal (metal isn't an adjective, Dracula!!).

Relics of a friendship they will never be able to witness. Steve cries when he sees the rainbow colored flag pinned on the wall. He stares at it, muttering apologies. Erica and Lucas are quiet as they take in the space, learning small things about their dear friend. Nancy gently scoops up the VHS tapes and tearfully smiles at the titles. Dustin lets out a whimper when he scans the cassette tapes, all mixtapes with labels describing the contents. He zeroes in on the mixtape labelled "Soul Project" and carefully inserts it into the nearby radio. Everyone freezes as they listen to the first song, Bohemian Rhapsody. The song they remember Eddie singing to Robin to get her away from Vecna's trance. The song they will always associate with the two dorks who sacrificed themselves for the rest of the party. But what came next brought them all to tears. They hear a different opening to The Carpenter's Top of the World, it was an acoustic guitar and only an acoustic guitar which was then followed by two voices. Chrissy and Robin. Their voices singing happily to the song with Eddie joining the chorus. The recording catching the tail end of a conversation.

---

"Just admit you like the songs, Dracula."

"Not until you agree to add some metal! C'mon back me up, Bones."

"Don't put me in the middle of this."

"HA! She's on my side, on the side of good music."

"Metallica is good music!"

"It's you wailing on your electric and screaming into a mic. I hardly call that good music."

"Why are we singing this anyway, Buck?"

"Yeah, why are we?"

"Well...I just thought I'd be a good idea y'know. Music is just a universal language and I thought it'd be kinda like our language to, y'know, let each other know how we felt and stuff."

"Aww you could just say "I LOVE YOU DRACULA" in the cafeteria."

"I take it back, I'm pushing you out the window!"

"BONES SAVE ME FROM THIS MADWOMAN!"

"I'm but an innocent civilian in all this, don't pull me to your side."

---

What follows was laughter before the tape ends. Steve let out a harsh sob at the voice of his soulmate, laughing happy and carefree. Dustin stared at them with tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to form words. Lucas quickly came to his side while Erica tucked herself into Steve's with comfort being the only thing they could offer. Nancy holds back her own sobs as she listens to the bright bird laughing with friends, something she had wished to do with her.

Victory was many things, a celebration, a peace to breath, something many people tell you to reach out and grab it. However, no one ever tells you about what victories can cost.

----

Yeaaaaa...thats it.

[anaismus]

Buck and Eddie's Relationship: Is It Queerbaiting?

This is going to be a relatively long article with my thoughts on whether queerbaiting really exists on 911 and whether such a presentation of a bisexual couple harms the community.

I don't want to argue about whether this show has queerbaiting. Undoubtedly, there are some factors that correspond to this marketing technique. 

two guys raise the son of one of them

call each other best friends

don't have restrictions on personal space for each other

stare at each other like newlyweds 

It is, and no one - not one - no none can deny it. There's a chemistry between Buck and Eddie that we feel on an almost physical level. And for this, actors get aggression for queerbaiting. Although, in fact, it should be aimed at screenwriters.

But I don't wanna talk about that. I want to talk about why I don't think Buck and Eddie's relationship is queerbaiting.

There's a concept of unvoiced feelings in fanfiction, and I think it is. Let us consider in more detail the main character-forming moments from the life of guys.

This is Evan Buckley.

Evan Buckley is 26 years old. Evan Buckley loves sex. Evan Buckley wants to try to build a relationship, but starts it off the wrong way - first sex, then a phone number and a date. Evan Buckley isn't a bad guy, he simply didn’t have a parent who would teach him to communicate with women, to appreciate them. He wasn’t taught to build relationships. His examples of relationships in childhood and adolescence (when the frontal lobes are forming) are parents who are too grieving to see that their living son needs them more than the dead one. And the sister who left for her husband, and from sunny Maddie Buckley, turned into a broken Maddie Kendall. Evan Buckley doesn't know how to be in a relationship.

Then he has Abby - it seems that this is his first serious relationship. And let's be honest, he's growing as a person. He respects Abby, takes care of her and her mother, supports them, makes them laugh and is just always there. And then Abby leaves. She doesn’t even leave him, but just leaves, and for several months Buck cherishes a ghostly chance for the return of the old relationship and the happiness that they had. And then Evan Buckley gives up. But it continues to grow.

He has other girls, but none of them accepts him for who he is: with his work, character, attitude towards family, friends and himself. Of course, you cannot be completely satisfied in your partner, but immediately trying to change him for yourself - this shouldn't exist.

This is Eddie Diaz.

Eddie Diaz has a son with a form of disability. Eddie Diaz went through the war and outlived many of his acquaintances. Eddie Diaz and his disabled son were abandoned by his wife, who cut off all ties for several years. Eddie Diaz is a wonderful father who takes his son on a West Coast adventure in hopes of changing their lives.

Eddie misses Shannon. Christopher misses Shannon. And I'm sure that as a child, Chris often asked at first where his mother was and why she wasn't coming back. And every time Eddie Diaz's heart broke from the words "she doesn't love me?" or "mommy just doesn't want to see me anymore?" And Christopher asked, because at his age, children measure everything by their own measure.

And then Shannon comes back. And it's damn hard for Eddie to pretend that there weren't those years of silence from his wife. That she didn't go anywhere. His broken a few years ago heart cannot believe that if he let Shannon back into their life, she'll remain and will always be with them.

“A broken pot can still hold water” - the amazing devil “pray”

And Eddie gradually begins to trust her with himself and his son. And then they both lose Shannon for the second time. Forever and ever. And again they are left alone, although she promised to always be with them. Of course, it's not her fault that she died. But when you lose a person, at some point, grief changes to anger. "You promised not to leave me!" and so on.

Eddie Diaz has years of service in Afghanistan behind him. In civilian life, Eddie Diaz gets shot at (such horrible sounds, he heard them in the service). Eddie Diaz has taken hostage (the feeling of fear and panic is almost like when they were under siege). Eddie Diaz finds himself buried alive under 12 feet of earth while rescuing a boy his son's age because he hopes that if he isn't there, someone will save Christopher (sand gets in his mouth and eyes, just like in the Afghan desert). For three whole minutes of his life, Eddie Diaz looks at his best friend, dying from the inside, and thinks that his most beloved person in the world died during the tsunami, and he was not to save. He saved others (it turns out that he put the life of his son below the life of a stranger?). Of course, he didn't, of course Christopher survived and escaped with nightmares, but for the whole three minutes of his life Eddie thought differently and tried not to die from a broken heart.

Eddie Diaz enters Evan Buckley's life at a time when he feels like his life is falling apart. That he's not good enough for Abby to stay and let Buck make her happy. He doesn't feel like he's good enough for Abby to believe that together with Buck, they can get through everything in her life. And of course Evan Buckley is wonderful and deserves the whole world, but now he doesn't believe in it, because again he wasn't important enough to stay with him.

Evan Buckley enters Eddie Diaz's life at a moment of stress from moving and the beginning of a new life for him and his young son. Eddie begins to associate Evan Buckley with a new beginning, a new life. He bursts into the lives of both of Diaz with a burst of laughter and his brightest smile. Evan finds a common language with little Chris, becomes for him the same parental figure as Eddie is. Buck cares for and raises Christopher along with Eddie. Not so much because he has feelings for Eddie and not because he pities the disabled child. But because Evan Buckley is a good man, perhaps the best in the life of the Diaz family.

They met each other in difficult moments of their lives, experienced the most terrible trials together, and they continue to hold on to each other, because they feel boundless understanding and trust.

And it certainly started with friendship. Strong and forgiving, about which books are written, and which one can only dream of. And then it develops into something more, and it seems to me that they themselves are not understand, at some point they stop looking at each other as at a friend. That is why none of them makes an obvious first step towards.

Once again, there are no clear first steps. Perhaps for each of them, those words and moments that they create together mean the first step, but it’s too scary to openly talk about feelings.

When you like your best friend, you begin to see his every word and action romantically. Even if it wasn't meant to be. And you're scared because you're afraid to misunderstand and let yourself cross the line of friendship. But what if your friend was just acting normal, but your loving mind decided to treat the situation as if the feelings were mutual? Self-deception and false hope. What if you decide that your feelings are mutual and take the first step towards meeting, and this turns out to be a fall in love brain perception error? Friendship will be destroyed. Not immediately, of course. But tension and awkwardness will snowball until it crushes both of them. It hurts when your dearest person doesn't love you back. It hurts when you can't return the feelings of your dearest person. This is a double-edged sword, and this situation hurts everyone. Of course, your feelings may be mutual and everything will be fine, but what if not? What if the confession destroys the friendship and takes the person closest to you? Both parties will feel guilty, but no one will really be guilty.

“No one will never fight for my son as hard as you. that is what I want for him“ - s4ep13.

“There’s nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you“ - s3ep3.

And this means that he infinitely trusts Evan in every sense. Because Eddie trusts him with the most precious thing in his life: his son. And Evan may like to think that Eddie's attitude towards him has changed towards romance, but he is afraid that this is just an illusion. Eddie only meant what he said: Buck is his best friend, and his best friend can be trusted with everything.

Buck spends hours looking for the missing Christopher in hysterics. Dive to pain in temples and burning in lungs. He does not notice the water and how heavy the debris that he removes to find little Christopher. He screams the name of the child until his voice is hoarse, in a panic rushes to every person he meets on the ruined coast in the hope of hearing that Christopher was seen alive and well, and now Buck will be able to hug him and exhale - Christopher is alive. And every time he sees similar hair, height, clothes, he rushes to the person, praying that it was Christopher. And every time his heart breaks when it's not him. Evan rushes around the camps, forces himself to look into the black bags, but Christopher is still missing. 

Evan meets Eddie in a moment of desperation. He needs to be told that he lost Chris. That it was his fault for not keeping an eye on Eddie's baby. That Eddie lost his son to Evan. And of course Christopher is fine and after just a couple of minutes of talking he is already in the arms of his father. But Evan thought all day that Chris died because of him. The child he raised, whom he probably perceived as his son.

Of course everything is getting better. And they go through all the difficulties together, but they only unite them. And this makes the possibility of losing each other because of three words even more scary.

Eddie doesn't know how Buck looks at him when Diaz isn't looking. 

He doesn't know how Buck panics when Eddie is in danger. He doesn't know how Buck dug the ground with his hands, although he knew for sure that he could not reach the man through 12 feet of earth. He doesn't know how Evan's heart broke when he found Eddie in a ruined room in tears and panic. Eddie doesn't know how willing Evan is to die for Eddie. He doesn't know how much Evan Buckley loves him.

And Evan doesn't know how Eddie looks at him when Buck isn't looking. He doesn't know how grateful he is for Christopher's smile. Evan doesn't know how happy Eddie is to see the smile on Evan's face. Evan doesn't know how strong Eddie's belief is that he can forgive Buck for literally anything.

And Evan is trying to add a touch of romance to his words and actions. Hoping that if Eddie like him too, then Diaz will realize that Evan is in love with him and say that it's mutual. And then everything will be fine.

But Eddie, who likes Evan so much, is scared that it's just his loving mind deciding to take every smile, look, and touch in a romantic context. So Eddie just adds a touch of romance to his words and actions. Hoping that if Evan likes him too, then Buckley will realize that Eddie is in love with him and say that it is mutual. And then everything will be fine.

And this vicious circle is inextricable. They both found each other at the moment when they were alone. Therefore, I think it is incredibly scary for both of them to feel rejected, abandoned and unnecessary again. And I think that's why their relationship revolves around innuendo and doesn't move forward. It's very scary. And we've all experienced it at some point.

In addition to a completely justified fear, we should not forget this: even if it’s the 21st century, we don’t know how our environment will react to the fact that your loved one and you are of the same sex. It's one thing when your friends make gay jokes or tease you about your friend. But another thing is the fear of how they will react to the fact of the relationship, and not just a joke about them. It's the same with parents. When you make coming-out, there is a big risk of losing a good relationship with your parents. They may love you but not accept the fact that LGBT is not a disease. Just because they've been told otherwise all their lives.

I'm bisexual and asexual myself. And I'm not afraid to talk about it to friends or, if the subject comes up, to strangers in a bar. I'm not afraid of their reaction, I can stand up for myself. In addition, I quickly and painlessly cross out people I don’t like from my life. I just can't attached with people. But! I still haven't told my parents that I had relationships with girls because I know that I will lose my parents' good attitude. Of course, I know that over time they will accept me for who I am, even if they do not understand. But the months or even years it will take for them to accept - it scares me. But there are other parents who can disown their children for this.

I think Buck (even though he says he doesn't need parents) is afraid to feel like a disappointment to his mom and dad again. And Eddie is probably afraid of being judged and that they will try to "fix" him, because his family looks quite traditional (and he also has a bad relationship with his parents).

Often in movies, we are shown how characters fall in love, and this is almost always mutual. If this is not the case, then the rejected person quickly switches to another person, and now, after a couple of weeks, he deeply in love with a new person. As if there were no those months or years of torment by unexpressed feelings.

In 911, we see relationships as they are in real life: awkward, reckless, intimidating. They give an ocean of emotions, and these emotions are not always positive. In 911, we see how people face the fear of rejection every day and choose to try to live the way other people live.

It's not queerbaiting, it's a different way of looking at the situation. I love it when the characters talk openly about their feelings to each other, when the writers introduce open LGBT characters. And it's right. But we should not forget about those of us who are afraid to speak about themselves and their feelings because their environment isn't understanding enough. We must not forget the people who choose a long life of safety over a short life that can be interrupted by an aggressive man on the street at night or a religious father with anger issues. Such people need to see that their love for another person is still real feelings, their sense of calm from the person next to them and the joint upbringing of a child is still a family, and sometimes you don’t need to talk about love in order to just love.

And I'm sure that the relationship between Buck and Eddie will develop further and at some point they will become a couple, they will live together and openly talk to each other about love. In the meantime, we are shown the development of the characters in the way that the relationship of real men would develop, whose hearts have been broken a million times, and who have experienced more than a person can bear and not go crazy.

We'll get everything we want, but it takes time. So I think the characters should get all our love. And also actors should receive our love, because their acting skills are at the highest level.

And the pairing fans need to stop cyberbullying Oliver Stark because he's acting out the script, and the only ones to blame for the relationship taking so long are the show's management team.

This shouldn't exist. He is a wonderful actor and a wonderful person. No one should feel or hear that.

[anon911andbuddie]

Prompt: Ana's taste in home decor (Live, Laugh, Love, GATHER, general cliche word signs), makes Eddie think his house does NOT need a feminine touch afterall. Buddie, bonus points for Chris/Buck hiding or moving signs around.

Claimed by Red

Notes: This is not meant to be a bashing of Ana Flores, this is just meant to be something that represents Buck knowing the Diaz family more than Ana might.

What's In A Home?

After Shannon left and Eddie moved to Los Angeles, he tried to make the best of a shitty situation. Eddie was determined to give Christopher everything he needed...everything he could want (within reason). For a while, he never thought that anything was wrong or needed adjusting. Christopher had a reliable support system through Eddie’s Abuela and Tia Peppa, Buck, the rest of the firehouse crew, and Carla. Christopher was in the best possible school and he had plenty of friends. He was doing fine without Shannon...and Eddie’s parenting was at least working a little bit (it was working more than a little bit, but Eddie didn’t want to give himself too much credit).

And, the thing is, Christopher never complained. Christopher never mentioned he was missing something in Eddie’s parenting or around the house. Buck and the others had never brought him to the side and suggested he do something different...so Eddie carried on doing what he was doing because...Christopher was fine, his therapist had signed off on that, in fact.

Meeting Ana Flores, though? That got Eddie thinking...was he missing the womanly touch in his home? If Shannon were here, would she have filled that spot that Eddie didn’t even know he was missing? Should he be worried that Chris has gone this long without a feminine touch?

Buck says he’s crazy. He says that Christopher is a wonderfully balanced kid and that he shouldn’t be worried. Buck said that same sex couples with children rarely have problems develop because of not having the influence of the other sex in their children’s lives. Bobby tells him that he shouldn’t worry too much. He believes that Christopher is just fine the way he is...Eddie shouldn’t be worried about the feminine touch. Hen tells him that he’s being dramatic, that Chris has lasted this long without a ‘feminine input’ and that he’d be fine if he never got that ‘motherly input’ again...but she also said not to worry, Carla, Karen, Athena, and she would provide outsider feminine input just fine (and maybe Maddie too if she was feeling up to it).

So maybe Eddie was a little worried about the motherly figure thing. He never meant to deprive Christopher of that relationship after Shannon died...but he didn’t want Chris to think he was replacing Shannon...then a few years had passed and he met Ana and she was...perfect. She was everything that Christopher would need in a mother...she was someone his parents would approve of to help raise his son...and she was great with Christopher...she’d be an amazing influence.

So, Eddie let her in. He started to date her and Eddie was happy...until she started leaving all of these decorations in his home. The first couple were fine...but after the tenth placard giving some motivational idea or corny joke, Eddie was ready to bang his head into a wall.

I - Home Sweet Home

The first gift Ana ever gets Eddie is a door mount with sweeping letters spelling out ‘Home Sweet Home’. Eddie thought the gesture was cute. She’d brought it with her for their date two months into their relationship.

Eddie had to cancel their date because Carla had an emergency at home and Buck was on shift. With no one to watch Christopher for the night, he’d called Ana and asked if she would mind rescheduling their date. Instead of finding another time to meet, Ana had suggested they hang out at his house and watch movies with Christopher. She even offered to cook them dinner.

That’s how Eddie found himself opening the door to Ana and her surprise. “The last time I was over, I noticed you didn’t have much home decor, I thought this could spruce up the place a little?” Seeing the look on Eddie’s face, Ana quickly added, “I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries here.”

At Ana’s frown, Eddie shook his head, hands coming out to pull her into a hug, “no, not at all...I was just surprised at the gesture, is all.”

~~~~

Christopher thought it was silly to have a sign mounted to the door that said ‘home sweet home’. Like, he knew this was his home...why did they need to announce it to everyone else on the block? He knew Ms. Flores was just trying to be nice, but could she have gotten something less...cringy?

The first time Buck came over after they’d been given the gift, he’d made a funny face at the sign. His nose had scrunched up and his eyebrows scrunched together. He’d turned to Dad and pointed to the sign, “when, uh, when did you get that?”

Dad had rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face, “Ana gave it to me. I think it’s...nice.”

Chris had rolled his eyes at Dad’s answer, “you have to say that,” he muttered.

“What was that, Chris,” Dad asked.

Chris thought quickly, “I said it was nice.”

Buck gave Chris a look that said he knew what Chris had actually said. He looked minutes away from laughing, but held it in as Dad turned back to him. “So...Buckley-Diaz Movie Night,” Buck said in lieu of anything else.

II - Live, Laugh, Love

The three medium sized, colorful metal words had been the seventh gift from Ana...and Eddie was getting a little tired of them...they were slowly taking over his home and he didn’t necessarily like it. It wasn’t like Eddie had ample room for all of these signs, pictures, miniature statues that Ana kept bringing him...and he just really didn’t like the whole ‘live, laugh, love’ thing staring at him from beside his television...it felt like it was taunting him.

Eddie had been shot three weeks previously...it seemed as if the gift was a way to motivate him not to give up...but, really, it was giving him anxiety and he felt annoyed by it. Ana had said that it was meant to remind him to relax, love easily, and know he had a life ahead of him after surviving the shooting...but it felt like she was rushing him...did she just expect him to get over the fact that he was shot in Los Angeles on a random street and not in an active war zone?

But Eddie hadn’t fought her when she suggested where to put the metal words. Eddie had let Ana do what she wanted with them...because it was the thought that mattered. Ana was trying to help him, was trying to get him through recovery, and he wasn’t going to take her head off for that...so maybe he was frustrated, but he could deal with that until he was on the other side of recovery and then he and Ana can continue like they had before he got shot.

Simple as that.

~~~~

Chris has to say that he severely dislikes Ms. Fl-Ana’s-gifts.

They started to pop up everywhere and Chris felt like most of them were dumb. There was a picture with a squirrel holding the world with the caption ‘Joy to the Squirrels’ that lived directly across from his bathroom...Chris had thought of getting it off the wall and throwing it away...but he wasn’t sure if Dad would find it before it went to the dump or not. Not to mention the ‘Caution: Children Play Here’ sign out in the front yard by the road.

Chris had denied to Dad that he’d rolled his eyes when Ana showed him the sign.

(Chris had totally rolled his eyes at the sign when he’d seen it.)

After the fifth gift, Chris had enough. He’d told Buck as much when he’d come over to watch Chris while Dad went on a date...and that’s when they’d hatched their plan. Chris was delighted Buck seemed to hate the gifts as much as he did...so they decided to mess with Dad and Ana.

Suddenly the ‘LIVE LAUGH LOVE’ was now ‘HOLLY GIVES VALUES’ (he and Buck went out and bought more colorful metal letters) and the Squirrel photo was hidden in Dad’s chest under shirts he never wore anymore...and Buck and Chris waited for anyone to notice.

III - Don’t Go Bacon My Heart

Eddie didn’t understand this gift. Eddie, as most people know, can’t really cook that well. So why would Ana give him a dish towel with a pig on it captioned ‘Don’t go bacon my heart’? Upon its first introduction, Eddie had stared at it for a minute and asked, “a dish towel?”

Ana had given him a gentle smile, “a decorative dish towel. You don’t use it to clean or anything, it’s just there to liven up the space.”

Eddie had nodded, biting back a remark that suspiciously sounded like something his best friend would say ‘why would I have a dish towel if I don’t use it to clean the dishes?’ Eddie’s pretty sure Ana wouldn’t appreciate that remark, so instead he gave her a forced smile. “It’s certainly decorative...and funny.”

Ana’s smile dimmed slightly, “if you don’t like it, I can take it back...no big deal, Eddie.”

Eddie was quick to shake his head, “no! No, sorry...I do like it...I’ve just never thought of a dish towel as a decorative item of the household. I’ll be sure to keep this on the oven handle!”

~~~~

Chris was not amused, not in the slightest bit.

He knew the towel was supposed to be funny, but it was stupid! How could Dad like it? Clearly Dad has bad taste if he’s allowing that to stay in their house. Buck certainly would not have something that stupid in his house.

Chris had to get rid of the towel, there was no other option...he would not be forced to look at that thing every time he went into the kitchen. Absolutely, positively not.

The perfect opportunity came when Buck was over cooking Lasagne for them. Chris couldn’t believe his luck...all he had to do was innocently ask if he could help Buck prepare the dish, spill something accidentally and grab the towel from the oven handel and use it to clean up the mess...he would just need to make sure he spilled something that would ruin the towel...probably the tomato sauce.

As soon as Buck started towards the kitchen, Chris was quick to ask if he could help. Buck had turned and smiled at him, welcoming the help...and Chris’s plan was set into motion. Chris had to wait until they’d finished making the pasta and cutting the cheese before they finally got to the tomato sauce as they began layering the lasagne.

Chris was quick to pick up the big bowl of tomato sauce by himself and begin to pour it before Buck could even begin to reach for it. His plan worked a little too well, considering over half of the bowl ended up on the counter and floor. Buck was quick to remove the bowl from Christopher’s hands, stating how it was alright, accidents happen.

“I’m sorry, Bucky…” Chris grabbed the dish towel and began to wipe at the sauce. Buck grabbed other towels to help.

“What happened here,” Dad asked.

“We had a little accident, but don’t worry, I’ll have it cleaned up soon,” Buck stated.

“Just throw the towels in the trash once you’re done...I don’t even think the strongest stain remover would be able to help the tomato stained towels.”

IV - Welcome To Our Beautiful Chaos

Eddie was confused, that was for sure. If he’s being honest with himself...after the panic attack, he and Ana were sort of at a plateau in their relationship...he just didn’t see it progressing much more. The gifts were really starting to get on his last nerve.

Eddie wasn’t one to overly decorate his home. He had nice furniture and some matching throw pillows and some general pictures of his family all throughout his home...but all these cringy jokes and motivational decorations that Ana keeps giving him? They’re not his style.

Also...he wasn’t ready to consider Ana a part of his ‘chaos’. So the ‘Welcome to our Beautiful Chaos’ doormat was truly unnecessary.

~~~~

Chris was unsure of the doormat. He kinda liked it...but it was way too forward for Ana to give to Dad...but if Buck had given it to Dad then...it made sense. But when Chris saw Buck’s hurt expression the first time he came over to play with him after the gift had been given, he knew it had to go.

Christopher would not let Ana hurt his Buck with these silly gifts.

So, when Christopher was tasked with taking the cardboard pizza boxes out to the recycling container, he conveniently scooped up the mat and made sure to stuff it far down into the trash can.

V - When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade.

This gift definitely felt like Ana was mocking him. A few days after Eddie’s panic attack, Ana had shown up and given him the throw pillow. The words ‘When Life gives you lemons, make Lemonade’ were swirly and acted as branches to the lemons designed on it...and Eddie hated it.

Apparently Buck hated it too. The second he’d come over for movie night and seen the pillow on the couch, Buck had scoffed. Before Eddie could react, Buck had snatched the pillow, exited the house and tossed the pillow in the trash. Christopher had tried to hide his laugh as he and Eddie watched it unfold.

As soon as Buck was within hearing range again, Eddie raised an eyebrow, hands on his hips, “what was that for?”

“Come on, you can’t tell me you actually liked that gift, Eds.”

Eddie shook his head, “and what if I did?”

Buck rolled his eyes, “don’t even pretend...I know you better than that and I’m offended you even asked that question! Clearly Ana doesn’t know you well enough to be buying you decorations for your home.”

Chris watched with bated breath as Buck and his dad went back and forth. “She’s trying. I’m trying. Christopher hasn’t had a feminine touch to the home since we moved here from Texas...there’s a learning curve.”

Buck shook his head, “he doesn’t need a feminine touch, Eddie. He’s turned into an amazing kid and that’s thanks to your parenting.”

VI - The Man Cave: Manly Men Doing Manly Things (including being emotionally vulnerable sometimes). If My Mouth Doesn’t Say It My Face Will. Some People just need a High-Five (to the head...with a chair).

To prove Eddie wrong (and spice up his living space), Buck decided to do his own home decor shopping for the man. He could prove to Eddie that he doesn’t need that ‘feminine touch’ to his decorations. A home should be representative of the people within it...so Buck made quick work in the decor aisle and made his way to the Diaz household.

Eddie would be getting off shift in an hour, so he had enough time to get everything set up. When Buck got to the home, he immediately took down the ‘home sweet home’ door mount and replaced it with another one that said ‘The Man Cave: Manly Men doing Manly Things (including being emotionally vulnerable sometimes).’

Buck let himself into the house, greeting Chris and Carla as he swept into the living room and began taking down all of Ana’s decor. “Buckaroo, what are you doing?”

“Showing Eddie that he doesn’t need all this,” he motioned to the tapestries giving motivational ‘don’t stop dreaming until your dream becomes reality’ type messages and the rearranged ‘Live Laugh Love’ decoration. “A home should be representative of those inside it. Eddie and Chris aren’t representative of these decorations which goes to show that Ana knows nothing of the man she’s dating and his son.”

Carla raised an eyebrow at Christopher’s immediate agreement. Buck turned back to the empty spaces he’d just made and placed framed family photos that he’d either taken or gotten from Isabel and Peppa. Three pictures went in place of the ‘Live Laugh Love’. The leftmost picture was a candid of Eddie and Chris at the firehouse Christmas party. The center picture was the group photo of everyone at the firehouse on Christmas and the right picture was a candid from Hen of Eddie, Chris, and Buck the first time Chris visited the firehouse. In the picture, Eddie and Buck were supporting Chris as he came down the firepole. In place of the tapestry, Buck placed four different pictures. The first was of Chris, Buck, and Eddie at the park with Chris strapped into the skateboard. The next was the latest school picture of Christopher. The third was of Eddie and Christopher both with ice cream splashed on their faces from a vicious battle to get some of Christopher’s double chocolate ice cream. And the last was a picture of Christopher, Shannon, and Eddie after she came back into the picture when Eddie and Chris moved to LA.

Carla gasped at the last one, “oh, Buck. He’s going to love it.”

Buck gave a small smile. “I hope. But, I’m not finished.” And so Buck went all over the house, replacing all the decor Ana had brought into the home with pictures or new decor that he’d bought. By the time Buck could hear Eddie pull up, all Buck had left were the two throw pillows he’d bought...he hoped they wouldn’t be too much. One said ‘If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face will’ in big block letters. The other was in a beautiful cursive font, ‘Some people just need a High-Five (to the head...with a chair).’

Carla shot him a look as the door began to open. “Uh, Carla,” Buck could hear Eddie’s surprised laugh in his voice. “What’s with the new door mount?”

“That wasn’t me, Eddie,” she replied.

Christopher laughed, “Bucky did it Dad! He said-he said a home should be representative of the people in it!”

Eddie rounded the corner, stilling as he took in the new decor. Buck bit his lip as the silence stretched on. Had he messed up? Had he been so wrapped up in his own feelings that he hadn’t realized Eddie got attached to Ana’s gifts? Buck shifted from foot to foot, “I can-I can put it all back...I shouldn’t have done this without your permission...I’m so sorry, I just thought-”

“Evan,” Eddie interrupted, a smile forming on his face, “I really like the changes you made...it feels like home.”

Buck picked his head up at that, a small smile on his own face, “really?”

Eddie tilted his head, smile blinding, “yes, really...I was trying to figure out how to get rid of everything I didn’t like without offending Ana...but I might have just realized I didn’t follow my heart with her,” he looked over to Carla who was giving him a smile of her own.

Buck’s face scrunched up in confusion, “what do you mean?”

Eddie chuckled, bringing Buck into a hug, “I’ll tell you later.”

[stagefoureddiediaz]

5x10 thoughts and meta

So @wanderingwomanwondering wrote a great 4 part post about 5x10 and then asked me about my thoughts on the pooling blood references and the gingerbread house and gingerbread man and I had a lot so its ended up as its own post!! hopefully it sparks some more thoughts!

So pooling blood first! The two references to pooling blood are interesting because of the accidents they’re mentioned in - Arthurs and Melias - but the thing is there no sign of blood pooling in either incident. I feel like that’s an important point - the lack of blood pooling - the absence of both a physical representation and symptoms - notably Eddie doesn’t have any panic attacks during these incidents.

One of the things that occurred to me while i was mulling it over was that actually the Arthur story ties in pretty well with the Shannon of it all - both of them are hit by motor vehicles (the one that hit Shannon was red interestingly enough!!) and actually they’re lying on the ground in similar positions as well. While Shannon doesn’t have two families - when she dies she’s made a choice between two lives - the one with a family and the one without - she chose the one without because ultimately she loved that more and ended up loosing her life. Arthur doesn’t get to chose between his two families because they both leave him and create a new defect family of their own because they choose to put the children first and place the blame where it should be - with Arthur instead of with each other. while I’ve been typing this its occurred to me that this mirrors Eddie as well - he thinks he has to make a choice between his two families but ultimately (an he’s not there yet - but I have a feeling he’ll realise it in 5b) he’s going to find that a new family which is a blend of the original two minus the baggage (read his PTSD etc) which is weighing him down is actually what’s best for both him and for Christopher. (I know I could’ve written this far more eloquently, but it is 1am so that’s my excuse!

The Melia one s a little less clear for me, but the absence of Eddie is intriguing - its like the intention was to point out the Buck side of pooling blood - he experienced it too - in his own way and ended up with Eddies blood on him. its making me thing that because they were both present at the Arthur incident, but only But was present at the Melia one, what we should be thinking about is that the Arthur incident (with its theme of two) represents the shooting itself - both Buck and Eddie were present and an active part of it. Eddie in being the one who got shot and Buck as the one rescuing him - while the Melia incident is the representation of the immediate aftermath. Eddie played no role in this because he was in surgery and his survival wasn’t guaranteed - but Buck was an active participant - he was the one who still had eddies blood on him and he was the one who had to tell Christopher. I could go into more depth on this but like I said above - its 1am and my brain can’t manage more at this moment!

Gingerbread houses - first an aside to say Christopher my man you are an epic decorator of a gingerbread house - because it looked amazing! For some reason, gingerbread houses always make me think of Hansel and Gretal and this amused me because the ice skaters from 3x08 were playing Hansel and Gretal and they were fighting because the’d split up and one of them was leaving - remind you of anyone? Yes me to - Eddie and Shannon! Anyway back to the gingerbread house itself - wanderingwomanwondering I agree with everything you put about the house and the flood of hot coco they’re fragile and brittle and easy to break down - the perfect description for the house that Eddie and Shannon built - looked pretty (read; conforming to societal expectations of the nuclear family!) but ultimately made of little substance.

when Eddie build his new house, it will be on his terms and therefore stronger, because he won’t be conforming to the ideals of others!

Melia and Marco and the gingerbread man air freshener - I see so many parallels with Buck and Eddie in this story - beyond the super obvious ones that have already been pointed out. wanderingwomanwondering is of the opinion that the air freshener, could be representative of Buck and her take makes total sense - I can see exactly where she’s coming from and I would probably draw the same conclusions, if, I hadn’t already come up with a slightly different theory! The reason my theory is different - costuming (and a little bit of camera work, the script and the music!!).

Ok so let’s do the camera stuff first - think back to 2x03 and Buck driving Eddie to pick Christopher up after the earthquake - which side of the car was the camera? yes the same one as the 5x10 scene of Marco getting into the car - on Bucks side - its like an uno reverso if you will - so in 2x03 Eddie gets out of the car on the camera side and runs into the school to get Chris, while Buck looks on. in 5x10 we have the opposite - Marco (Buck) is the one getting into the car on the opposite side to where the camera is positioned while Melia (Eddie) is sat there waiting. When the camera angle changes so the little winking gingerbread man - why is he winking unless its meant to be a cheeky aside to the audience (and I’m thinking specifically us in the Buddie fandom but that could just be me doing some A+ level clowning!!) - is front and centre with the camera pulling him into focus at the end of the scene.

Music wise the fact that the line ‘I made my baby cry’ is being sung as the camera pulls focus onto the gingerbread man is interesting to me and another reason why I think the gingerbread man is not buck! and then there is the script - takeout and a movie - something the Buckley-Diaz family unit likes to do!

Onto the costumes now. I’ve spoken at length about the use of blue tops in relation to Eddie and Buck and fulfilling a parental/fatherly role and here we have two characters both dressed in blue - one in dark blue and one in light blue. Some of the other meaning associated with the colour blue - especially light blue is trust responsibility and loyalty - all things I would say are representative of Eddies personality. Light blue is also a colour used to reduce stress and that’s what Eddies leaving the 118 is supposed to achieve for both him and Christopher.

Marco is in dark blue and also has a spotted blue shirt on under his jumper - who have we seen recently sporting a blue shirt with a pattern similar to dots? Well both Eddie and Buck actually - Buck in the ily scene from 5x09 and then Eddie when Chris has his nightmare earlier in this episode. Melia is in light blue, but the most important thing - her right arm is in a sling - mirroring Eddies right arm being in a sling post the shooting. What all this means to me is that the strong connections to Buck as Marco and Melia as Eddie means the gingerbread man cannot be either of them. The gingerbread man is also located between them - he is front and centre and what is the one thing front and centre for both Buck and Eddie - Christopher - He is the most important thing to both of them - he both connects them, and at this moment, is the catalyst that is going to divide them.

let me know if you think I’ve lost the plot and if the wheels have come off my clown car - my inbox is always open and I love hearing from you!

[half-bakedboy]

one of the few things (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (& Eddie Diaz & Fire Fam) Rated: Gen Summary: “I want someone who’s going to take care of him, love him just as I would without babying him or making him feel like he can’t do things, you know? I want someone who is going to fight for him, not against him, who would literally go through hell for him because he deserves it--” Eddie cut himself off, but Hen didn’t need him to continue.

“You want it to be Buck.” Maybe she should’ve been more surprised or she should’ve asked the question instead of saying it so surely and causing the bit of panic that erupted in Eddie’s eyes, but it was obvious in everything Eddie was expressing.

Or five times that Eddie tells someone else that Buck is Christopher's legal guardian plus one time he finally tells Buck.

Contains spoilers from Season 4 Episode 14: Survivors.

One.

“Hey, Hen, can I, uh, grab you for a minute before…” Eddie trailed off and Hen narrowed her eyes at the rest of the team who had already started excitedly toward the loft. She turned to Eddie who looked… anxious. It instantly unnerved Hen as just a few days ago, he was trapped under forty feet of dirt and almost lost his life, and even then, he let it slide past as if it was nothing.

“Yeah, Eddie, what’s up?” She asked, following him into the changing room where he seemed to deliberate between settling on the bench and standing a few too many times for Hen not to intervene. She rested her hand gently on his arm and smiled openly at him, hoping it would at least get him to stop pacing. “I gotta admit, you’re acting really weird, Diaz,” Hen teased.

Eddie sighed and relented, sitting down as he said, “I shouldn’t be this nervous. Or scared. Or… Whatever is happening in my head.” Hen squeezed his bicep and hoped she looked as confused as she felt. She was sure she must have been missing important details she needed to comfort Eddie like she instinctively wanted to.

“Whatever it is, you can talk to me,” Hen urged, “or I can go get Buck—”

“No!” Eddie said abruptly and Hen’s eyebrows shot straight to her forehead at what she thought was an overreaction.

“Alright…” Hen said slowly, crossing her legs because she was entirely more intrigued than she had been before. If Eddie didn’t want to talk to his best friend, it must have been something secretive and Hen was all for gossip. “You gonna let me inside that crazy head of yours?” She asked once Eddie finally looked up at her.

“If something were to… happen, to you and Karen? Who gets Denny?” Eddie asked quickly like he was ripping the proverbial band-aid off of the conversation. Hen considered him for a moment; the way he refused to look in her eyes and how he rubbed his fingers against the scratches on his face absentmindedly.

“First it would be Karen’s sister. Then, if for some reason she couldn’t, it’s Athena and Michael,” Hen told him.

“And how did you… decide?” Eddie asked, twiddling with his thumbs in his lap which was a habit she had seen Buck do on occasion, but never Eddie.

“It wasn’t really a decision. Karen and her sister made that choice before they even had kids and she’s the kind of person who needs backup plans. Athena and Michael made the most sense after that,” Hen explained. There wasn’t some big talk about it between her and her wife. They trusted few people in their lives, especially with the upbringing of their children, so the choice was pretty obvious when they felt the need to make it. That need came pretty quickly into Hen’s career as a firefighter when she realized she wasn’t as invincible as either of them wanted it to be.

“How did—When did you—” Eddie groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know what to say next,” he said honestly.

Hen rested a soft hand on his back and reassured him, “You almost died a few days ago, Eddie, it’s normal to put some more thought into these things.” He smiled sadly up at her and it tore into her heart. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking right now?”

“I don’t even know, Hen, I—” Eddie stood and started pacing again before Hen could stop him. It seemed like he needed to move so Hen crossed her arms over her chest and let him. “When Shannon died, my parents tried to take Christopher from me. They—They came here under the guise of support for my son and I and they just—” Hen didn’t know that and now that she did, heat boiled under her skin. She knew exactly what it felt like to have family try to take the most important person to a parent away and all she wanted to do was wrap Eddie up in her arms.

“Your parents are Christopher’s legal guardian right now?” Eddie nodded and let out a huff of laughter.

“I’m not quite sure they wouldn’t try to kill me themselves to get Christopher back,” Eddie joked but it fell flat as Hen stared up at him. Before she could say anything else, Eddie spoke quickly, as if figuring things out in his own mind, “I want someone who’s going to take care of him, love him just as I would without babying him or making him feel like he can’t do things, you know? I want someone who is going to fight for him, not against him, who would literally go through hell for him because he deserves it--” Eddie cut himself off, but Hen didn’t need him to continue.

“You want it to be Buck.” Maybe she should’ve been more surprised or she should’ve asked the question instead of saying it so surely and causing the bit of panic that erupted in Eddie’s eyes, but it was obvious in everything Eddie was expressing. There was one thing she didn’t understand, though. “What’s holding you back?” She asked, patting the seat beside her so she could rest her hand on his knee. He relaxed at the touch.

“What if he doesn’t want that?” Eddie muttered. Hen gave him a look that easily told him he was insane if he thought Buck wouldn’t agree if he was asked. “Okay, then what if—What if it means more than I’m willing to… think about?” Eddie asked, pressing his lips together and glancing up at Hen as if he had just bared his entire soul to her. He might as well have.

She couldn’t hold back anymore and pulled him into the tightest hug she could without risking additional pain to his already stiff muscles. She had always wondered if they were more. She had wondered if the times Buck teased Eddie were his roundabout way of flirting or if those moments when Eddie’s eyes lingered a little too long on Buck when he dove headfirst into danger meant… more. She wouldn’t ask, though, knowing that it was a journey Eddie needed to begin on his own. She couldn’t start that for him, but she would help him in any way she could.

When she pulled back, she said, “I’ve got an attorney who specializes in these kinds of matters. I can give you his number and maybe he can help you out?” Eddie nodded again, seemingly grateful for no extra rounds of questioning, and rested his hand over Hen’s that still patted at his knee.

“Thanks, Hen, just—Thanks.” He let out a long breath just as Buck knocked on the glass surrounding them, gesturing up to the loft and rubbing his stomach to probably indicate lunch was ready. He ran up the steps, tripping on the first one and glancing around to make sure no one had noticed, sticking his tongue in their direction when he realized he’d been caught. Hen laughed, gripping onto Eddie’s bicep as they both stood.

“You sure that’s who you want to parent your kid?” Hen asked. No response came because Eddie was too busy watching Buck in the kitchen, the grin wide on his lips followed by his own hysterical laughter as someone undoubtedly made fun of him. Eddie shook his head and smiled down at the floor before glancing up at Hen, blushing when he realized he had been caught lingering.

“I’ve never been more sure.”

Two.

If Carla was asked to choose her favorite clients, she would say it was impossible, but really, her answer was easy. The two men in front of her had spent the day together and still both were hesitating at leaving the residence. They had some more time, but they didn’t want to spend it away from each other, that much was clear. Carla also understood because if she was asked, she would easily say the Diaz-Buckley’s--as she so fondly called them in her mind.

“There’s some yogurt in the bottom drawer that Christopher doesn’t know about, so if he gets all of his homework done, he can have that as a treat before dinner,” Eddie instructed, glancing over to where Buck was leaning against the counter, his legs crossed and his arms over his chest as he stared at Eddie fondly.

“Yes, dad, I know the rules. I’ll make sure he finishes his homework before I let him raid the sugar drawer and spoil his dinner so that you have the hardest time getting him to bed,” Buck teased, winking at Carla as Eddie tossed the empty roll of paper towels in his direction. Buck caught it and sent a glare at Eddie, tossing it in the garbage like the well-oiled machine they always were. “You never let us have any fun,” Buck complained, pouting at Eddie who just rolled his eyes in response.

“Now, boys, don’t make me put you both in time out,” Carla chastised, her eyes darting between both of them playfully.

“Now you’re just threatening us with a good time, Carla,” Buck teased, pressing a kiss to her cheek as he walked past to grab his keys. “I figured Christopher and I could stop on the way home from school and grab some ingredients to make dinner together. You’ll be home by then, right?” He directed at Eddie who nodded almost shyly in return.

“Yeah, the meeting is at three and I don’t think it’ll take longer than two hours or so if everything goes as planned,” Eddie guessed, sliding his shoes on and nudging his shoulder into Buck’s when the other man tried to knock him over. Carla watched on affectionately, leaning her hip against the counter and raising her eyebrows at them as they turned, their arms pressed together even though there was plenty of room on either side of them.

“I’m gonna go get your kid. Good luck?” Buck offered and Eddie laughed, pulling him into a brief hug that, if Carla had to guess, he wanted to hold onto a little longer.

“Yeah, thanks, I appreciate you taking care of him,” Eddie said nervously, holding Buck at arm’s length and gazing up at him as if they were the only two people in the world. Carla wondered when they would start to realize they shared that look every time they saw each other.

“You know I’d drop everything for that kid, Eds,” Buck noted easily, patting Eddie’s cheek as he made his way out of the front door. When it shut, Eddie let out a deep breath and turned back to Carla who gave him what she hoped was a knowing look.

“You gonna tell me why we’re going to see this attorney now, Eddie?” Carla asked, raising her eyebrows at Eddie as his cheeks turned pink.

“After the well incident, I started doing some thinking…” Eddie trailed off and Carla just waited for his explanation. “I hadn’t really thought about my will since I left El Paso. I should’ve when Shannon died, but—”

“You were grieving,” Carla immediately interjected, knowing that Eddie still blamed himself for that-- and everything else--that wasn’t in his control. He glanced up at her and smiled before leaning back against the counter opposite Carla.

“I figured it was about time to think about it again so, Hen, our coworker, connected me with a local attorney who specializes in estate planning,” Eddie continued as if that explained exactly what they were doing. Carla nodded her head to urge him on and he took a deep breath as if preparing himself before he spoke again. “I’m going to make Buck Christopher’s legal guardian if anything were to happen to me,” he admitted, his eyes darting to Carla’s as if waiting for some big response.

“You said the meeting is at three, so we should probably be going,” Carla said, clapping her hands together as she stepped away from the counter.

“Wait, that’s it? You’re not going to question me or—or tell me to consider someone else?” Eddie asked. It was like he was repeating what someone else had already said, trying and failing to talk himself out of the decision that Carla couldn’t agree more with.

“You know your child better than anyone else, Eddie Diaz, and I’ve seen the way that man,” she gestured toward the front door where Buck had just left, “cares for your son. You’ve witnessed it more than any of us. If you believe that he is the best choice for Christopher if—God forbid—anything happens to his daddy, then it’s the right choice,” she finished, leaving no room for argument. Eddie nodded, staring up at her with wide eyes that shined with gratefulness and love. Carla held his face in her hands and nodded back reassuringly, hoping her words reverberated through that thick skull he had.

“You sure you don’t mind coming with me?” Eddie asked. “I—I want you to be there for this,” he added as if he needed to make sure she knew it. She did. She knew that she was just as important to the Diaz-Buckley family as they were to her and wondered how she ever got so lucky.

“I’m by your side through it all, right?” Carla reiterated, holding out her hand for Eddie to grab and dragging him through the door. They had a will to change.

Three.

“Hey, Cap, can you spare a minute?” Eddie asked, peeking his head into Bobby’s office with a feather-light rap of his knuckles on the door. Bobby gestured for him to have a seat and when Eddie shut the door behind him, Bobby had to admit he was a bit nervous by the sudden meeting.

“Everything okay, Eddie?” The nod he received in return did nothing to reassure Bobby when he saw the papers in Eddie’s hands.

“Everything is great, Cap. I’m feeling completely back in the game after the…” Eddie trailed off as if he couldn’t even mention the well and Bobby didn’t blame him. Everyone was still on edge from the fear they had felt that day, Bobby included. “I just wanted to talk to you about something,” Eddie began with a deep breath.

“You don’t have to be nervous, kid. Whatever you have to say, we’ll get through it,” Bobby reassured, leaning back in his chair to prepare himself for another member of his family to take their leave. It had hurt when Buck had looked him in the eyes and said those dreaded words, but he had almost been expecting them, but he always knew Buck would be back. Eddie looking in the same direction was a surprise that he wasn’t sure how he would handle. He wasn’t sure how Buck would handle it.

As if sensing Bobby’s own nervous energy, Eddie’s eyes darted to the papers in his hands and back up to his captain’s in panic. “Oh, no! No no no! This isn’t— Fuck, Bobby, I’m sorry. I’m not quitting if that’s what you’re thinking!” Eddie reassured and Bobby would be lying if he said his heart didn’t stop beating for a moment, so he was glad to feel it pump back up.

“That’s incredibly relieving to hear, Diaz,” Bobby said honestly, leaning forward onto his elbows placed on the desk. “Then…?” Bobby asked, holding out one hand for the papers that were slightly crumpled in Eddie’s tight grasp.

“Oh, yeah, I—” As if not knowing how to explain it himself, Eddie held out the papers, crushing them into Bobby’s hand. He had to smooth them out to read even the first sentence.

Last Will and Testament of Edmundo Diaz

Bobby glanced up at Eddie to ask what all of that was about, but Eddie just lowered his eyes to the papers as if pleading for Bobby to read so he didn’t have to explain out loud. Bobby nodded and continued scanning through the all too familiar words before a name caught his eye.

“In the event I shall die as the sole parent or guardian of my minor child, then I appoint Evan Buckley as legal guardian of said minor child,” Bobby read, hoping his shock wasn’t too prevalent on his face. He glanced back up at Eddie who was smiling almost proudly after hearing the words aloud. “Eddie, this is—”

“I’m sure about it, Bobby. No one is going to take care of that kid better than Buck would,” Eddie said quickly and defensively. Bobby rested a hand on the back of Eddie’s that had clenched into an anxious fist on the desk between them.

“I was going to say that this is a great honor for him,” Bobby said slowly, leaning his head down so that Eddie would look at him. “Why are you giving this to me, though?”

“Everyone who needs one has a copy. My attorney, my abuela, my doctor, and Carla, just to be safe,” Eddie explained. Bobby couldn’t help but notice there was a very important person absent from that list. He didn’t need to say anything as Eddie sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t tell him yet, it's just—It’s not the right time… for us.”

The us was louder than Bobby thought Eddie had intended it to be.

“I’ll keep this in your file, but you know I have to urge you to tell him before it’s my responsibility,” Bobby said. “You know better than any of us that in this job, things can go wrong faster than they can go right again. Buck isn’t going to let you down with this,” Bobby promised because he truly believed it. He thought that Eddie did, too.

“I know and I’ll tell him. When the time is right,” Eddie said with a nod. He stood up and wandered to the door, turning back to his captain with another small smile on his lips as he added, “And thank you. What you think means the world to both Buck and I which is why I—” Bobby nodded in understanding and opened his bottom drawer to file the important paperwork away.

“Hey, it’s what I’m here for,” Bobby said before adding, just for good measure, “remember that.”

Four.

Maddie watched her brother cradle her newborn child in his arms and a warmth she had never known before spread throughout her entire body. Eddie was leaning over, wiggling his finger above her face before gliding it delicately down the bridge of her nose and her pouty lips, her eyes mesmerized by the motion. He let her grab onto it, his face feigning pain as if her small form could ever inflict it. Maddie couldn’t help but notice how Buck was staring at Eddie at that moment and was almost too focused on what a perfect little family they would make when Chim walked in with an armful of drinks.

“So, do we get to tell him now, or…” Chim asked excitedly, smacking his hands on his thighs as he sat on the couch. Buck refused to hand the baby off to anyone else, cradling her in one arm as he used the other to take a large gulp of the lemonade Chim brought out. Eddie watched them carefully as if making sure Buck didn’t drop her while simultaneously eyeing the way his throat bobbed and she suppressed a laugh behind closed lips.

“Tell him what?” Eddie asked, taking a sip of his own drink and gulping almost nervously. Maddie tilted her head at him, asking him silently if everything was okay and he nodded in response, smiling softly at her.

“Well, Buck, as you know, Jee-Yun here is very lucky to have two parents who love her in her life, that will do anything in the world for her,” Maddie began, resting her arm on Chim’s shoulder and gesturing for him to continue just as they had practiced.

“You also know that literally no tomorrow is guaranteed,” Chim said solemnly, reaching to brush his finger down Jee-Yun’s arm. She instinctively reached out to her father and Maddie’s heart squeezed in her chest.

“We were hoping that you would accept the honor of being Jee-Yun’s god—”

“Yes! Oh my god, are you kidding me?!” Buck interrupted, his eyes darting from Maddie, to Jee-Yun, and over to Eddie who had a smile on his face that looked... fake if Maddie had to put a word to it.

“This is a gift that can be taken away at any time, Buckley, remember that, but yes. We want this for her, both of us,” Chim said, holding onto Maddie’s hand and staring up at Buck seriously. No matter what Chim would say, he didn’t need nearly as much convincing as Maddie had been prepared to do to make Buck Jee-Yun’s godfather. It was either him or Albert and neither of them was about to leave that responsibility to the person still sleeping on their couch.

“You’re not gonna judge me if I cry, right?” Buck asked, sniffling exaggeratedly and holding Jee-Yun even closer to him. He looked down at her like she was his world and everyone in the room knew it was true. Maddie couldn’t help but glance back at Eddie who still had that faux smile plastered on his lips. She tried not to be offended as she walked by him, knocking her knee against his and gesturing for him to follow her to the kitchen.

Buck pulled her into a one-armed hug and kissed her cheek before she could pass, whispering words of thanks into her ear. Before they could get too far, he grabbed Eddie’s arm and raised the baby up as if offended he could possibly leave the room without saying goodbye. Eddie pressed his lips gently against Jee-Yun’s outstretched hand and for a moment, Maddie thought Buck was going to toss their friendship out of the window and kiss him even though he had his godchild in his arms. Instead, he let Maddie pull Eddie away.

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows expectantly. When he didn’t speak up and actively avoided her gaze, she spat, “Spill it, Diaz.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Eddie said, mimicking Maddie’s pose and narrowing his eyes in her direction.

“Don’t pull that with me, Eddie. I saw that flash of worry before you pretended to be happy my kid had a kickass godfather, so spill or I bring Buck in here to—”

“No, don’t—!” Eddie sighed, and pushed off of the counter, pulling Maddie further into the kitchen so they were out of sight of Chim and Buck. “He can’t know, not yet.”

“Can’t know what? That you’re in love with him and want him to have your babies?” Maddie teased, eyes widening when Eddie didn’t even bother to convince her otherwise. “Oh my god, I knew it!” She yelled, smacking Eddie a few times in excitement. He rolled his eyes at her, a look she had seen directed at her brother more times than not, but she wasn’t worried, because there was too much affection in the gaze.

“Good to know both Buckley’s need to be the loudest person in the room,” Eddie noted, peeking around the corner to make sure the other two were still preoccupied.

“You can’t insult us anymore, now that I know for sure that you love him!” Maddie squealed, holding onto Eddie’s arm that was crossed over his chest again. “But wait, that doesn’t explain why you’re so…” She mouthed an exaggerated frown and furrowed her eyebrows to mimic his face only for him to roll his eyes again.

“I didn’t look like that,” Eddie complained.

“You’re doing it right now,” Maddie said, pushing at the wrinkles in between his eyes with her index finger so that he might relax his face. He laughed and swatted her hand away, but didn’t let it go far. He held it carefully in his, staring down at her fingers like he was avoiding her questioning. “What’s going on, Eddie?” She asked quietly, ducking her head so he would look at her.

“Remember a few months ago when…” He trailed off and Maddie immediately knew what he was talking about. “I almost didn’t make it out and all I could think about was my kid. You get that now, right?” Eddie asked, nodding his head over to where Buck had finally given Jee-Yun back to her father. Maddie knew exactly what he meant. Nothing else was more important than Jee-Yun anymore.

“What does that have to do with my brother?” Maddie asked. She didn’t mean it to sound unkind, but Eddie blushed and ducked his head again and she was worried that maybe she had pushed just a little too hard. Buck had warned her that Eddie was like that sometimes; open until he wasn’t, guarding every little piece of him to protect himself and Christopher. She had yet to see it but hadn’t yet had the opportunity to really bond with him. She knew that moment was as important as it felt.

“I haven’t told Buck,” Eddie warned before continuing, “but after everything that happened, I decided to make him Christopher’s legal guardian in the case that I… die.” Maddie’s jaw dropped open and she had to hold her hands back or risk smacking him again.

“And Buck doesn’t know this?” Maddie asked because she couldn’t have heard him correctly. Why wouldn’t Eddie have told him? It made absolutely no sense in her mind and her blank stare must have clued him in.

“If I tell him, I have to admit that maybe my reasoning isn’t ‘hey, my best friend should be the one to take care of the most important thing in my life’ and more…” He trailed off with a sigh and repeated Maddie’s earlier words, “more that I'm in love with him and want him to actually have my babies.” The admission made Maddie burst into hysterics, Eddie throwing his hand over her mouth before the other two could hear them. It was too late, though, because Buck wandered around the corner, concern in his eyes.

“I know you and Chim aren’t married yet, but he’s like… right there, Mads,” Buck joked, gesturing over his shoulder where Chim was too focused making faces at Jee-Yun to care about what was happening in the kitchen. His eyes darted back and forth between the two of them with not as much playfulness in them as his words insinuated. Maddie pushed Eddie away with a laugh and a smack to his arm causing him to roll his eyes again.

“Watch it, Buckley, or I might make my new favorite firefighter Jee-Yun’s godfather,” Maddie threatened with a wink at Eddie before she waltzed toward her brother. When she was close enough, she whispered, “Jealousy is a new look for you.” She barely avoided the hand that swatted at her as she went to go hold her baby, leaving the two of them to talk.

She tried not to focus on the way Buck and Eddie worked so easily around each other or how Eddie treated Buck like he was something of utmost importance. She had also never seen her brother fit so perfectly to someone else’s side and the two of them together, playing with Jee-Yun and handing her back and forth until she fell asleep, was almost too much for her heart to bear.

As they said their goodbyes, Maddie pulled Eddie closed and whispered, “The way you saw Buck look at Jee-Yun tonight? It’s the same way I’ve seen him look at Christopher.” Eddie nodded back, his eyes shining in agreement like he didn’t need to be told twice. “He deserves to know,” Maddie urged softly, squeezing his arms as she pulled away.

“I’ll tell him about Christopher, I will,” Eddie promised, glancing over to where Buck placed multiple small kisses to Jee-Yun’s sleeping face.

“Tell him about you, too, okay?” Maddie asked, patting his cheek gently. “He looks at you the same way you look at him.” Eddie seemed too stunned to respond and by the time he pulled himself out of it, Buck was tossing his arm around Eddie’s neck and leaning into him sleepily.

“Ready to head home?” Buck asked as if home was the same place for both of them.

“Yeah, I am,” Eddie responded easily. With one last glance back, he mouthed his silent thanks at Maddie who nodded back and smiled warmly at him.

Once the door shut, Chim wrapped his free arm around her waist and muttered, “We made the right choice, huh?” Maddie smiled, that warmth in her chest spreading further as she glanced at the love of her life holding her infant, then to the door where the first person she had ever loved more than herself had exited.

“We all did.”

Five.

Eddie wasn’t expecting the question when it came. He was eating breakfast with Christopher who had spent the majority of his morning complaining that they had run out of his favorite cereal. He half considered asking Carla to pick some up on her way over, but Christopher settled for eggs and toast and was chatting away about his new friends at school, so he let himself space out. Eddie was not much of a morning person.

“…And Alyssa lives with her grandma because her parents couldn’t take care of her. Mrs. Quinn said sometimes that happens and kids have to go live with other people,” Christopher explained and Eddie nodded in response, not really paying attention to the conversation in favor of spacing out at the full plate in front of him.

“That’s great, buddy,” he said absentmindedly, compiling a grocery list in his head that he would have to find the energy to do after his shift. He was grateful that Buck had offered to spend some time with Christopher this weekend because that meant he might be able to get a nap in when they inevitably played Punch Planet.

“Who would take care of me if you couldn’t?” Christopher asked and Eddie froze. He continued to stare down at his plate, his eyes wide as he let the question echo through his mind. “Dad?” Christopher asked.

“I, uh—Sorry, kid, what was that?” Eddie asked even though he had heard the question quite clearly. He just wasn’t sure how to answer.

“Who would take care of me if you couldn’t?” Eddie cleared his throat and tried to come up with an answer. Turns out, Eddie didn’t have to because Christopher already had the perfect one. “I think it should be Buck,” he decided, nodding his head as he grabbed another forkful of eggs.

Eddie’s head shot up and he gaped over at Christopher as he squeaked, “You do?” Something about Christopher agreeing with the enormous decision Eddie grappled over for weeks had his heart beating out of his chest even though he shouldn’t have been so surprised.

“Yeah,” Christopher began as he swallowed his eggs, “he would still make me do my homework before I could have dessert, but he would play video games with me and help me do really cool things.”

And wasn’t it really that simple? Buck would treat Christopher exactly how he deserved and nothing more or less. Eddie had seen it for almost a year—longer if he allowed himself to think about it—and Christopher obviously had no issues with it. Buck fit into their family just as he was, with no expectations or exceptions. Suddenly, Eddie wasn’t sure why he was so nervous to let Buck in on the secret he had held so close to him for such a long time.

“Would you like that? If Buck were to be the one to take care of you?” Eddie asked almost shyly.

“Buck already takes care of me,” Christopher decided and yeah, he was right. Buck already took care of Christopher— and Eddie—so it only made sense. Eddie had known that, but to get confirmation from his son was everything he could have wanted it to be. “Only if you can’t,” Christopher added sternly as if it needed to be said. Eddie let out a huff of laughter, reaching across the table to pat Christopher’s hand softly.

“Yeah, only if I can’t,” Eddie confirmed, “and we’re going to hope that never happens, okay?” Christopher seemed satisfied with that and nodded, taking a bite of his toast and turning his hand so he could hold his dad’s tightly. Eddie wasn’t sure what he had done right in his life to deserve the family he had—Buck included—but he wasn’t about to question it, not when things were so good.

Plus one.

Eddie had been shot. A bullet found its way through Eddie’s shoulder while his blood splattered onto Buck’s face, a heat he wished he could forget but was etched into his mind. He had done his best to keep Eddie alive in the firetruck, pressing his hand to the gaping wound while the other hovered uselessly over his face, a shouted reassurance that they were almost to help. To Buck’s utmost relief, the surgeons had saved him, and he was grateful he was with Christopher when he got the news.

The waiting was the worst of it. He stayed with Christopher because he couldn’t go home without knowing that Eddie’s son was safe each night and every morning and they waited together. Christopher woke him up most days which he tried not to beat himself up about. He did feel a little guilty for how much he apparently snored as Christopher would not stop pointing it out, but he was okay with being the butt of the joke because it meant that Christopher was smiling even though Eddie had still not woken up.

When he got the news Eddie was conscious, it took everything in him not to spend every waking moment at his bedside. He updated Eddie on Christopher’s schoolwork, what he had for breakfast and dinner each day, even little details that he was sure the father didn’t care about, but Eddie listened to them all. He stared over at Buck with so much appreciation in his eyes and Buck almost couldn’t stand it. Not when he had messed up and Eddie didn’t know.

“He doing okay?” Eddie asked, waiting until after he was sure the video call had ended. Christopher had a bright smile on his face that matched the joyous laughter that left his lips the moment he saw his father, but they all knew the last few days had to have been tough on him.

“Better than me,” Buck huffed, “I, uh, kind of lost it when I told him you got shot,” Buck admitted when he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Eddie was falling asleep, his eyes blinking slowly as if trying to keep them open. Buck wanted to stroke his hand over Eddie’s hair and kiss his forehead until he let himself dream again. “I’m sorry, I—should’ve held it together.”

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters,” Eddie said simply, but that wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough for Christopher and no one could be except for his father who was currently in a hospital bed for the second time since Buck had known him.

“Still,” Buck began, “I think it might’ve been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” If looks could kill, Buck would’ve taken Eddie’s spot in that bed. Eddie tried to sit himself up as if preparing himself to chastise the man beside him for his words, but Buck retracted them quickly, sensing the discomfort it had Eddie feeling. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—Just get some rest, Eddie, you can yell at me later,” Buck promised, finally relenting to his urges and grabbing Eddie’s hand in his. The touch relaxed Eddie and Buck decided not to think of what that could mean.

He left before Eddie could have the chance to make due on the promise and when Buck could finally come back, Eddie didn’t seem to be in the mood for yelling. He looked too serious considering that’s all anyone had been for the last few days. The sniper was caught and at home, Christopher and the rest of Eddie’s family were preparing to welcome him with the warmth he deserved after his time in the hospital. Eddie patted the bed next to him, said he had been meaning to talk to Buck and it was like ice shot through his entire body.

“So, you might have noticed I almost died. Again,” Eddie said as if it wasn’t playing on repeat in Buck’s head every time he closed his damn eyes. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of close calls. This one wasn’t even my closest,” he pointed out as a huff of laughter escaped his lips.

“Eddie…” Buck began, but Eddie shook his head.

“Just let me finish?” Eddie pleaded, finally glancing up at Buck with a softness in his eyes Buck wasn’t prepared for. Buck quieted. “After the last time, when that well collapsed on top of me—”

“Which you survived,” Buck pointed out, pressing his lips together when Eddie glared over at him. There wasn’t nearly enough heat in it, but Buck opted to really let him continue that time.

“After that, it got me thinking—you know, what would happen to Christopher if I hadn’t?” Buck was about to interrupt again, reminding him of all of the people—including himself—that wouldn’t hesitate to take care of Christopher, but the words got caught in his throat because he couldn’t imagine a life without Eddie in it just yet. “So, I went to my attorney and changed my will. So someday if I, uh, didn't make it... Christopher would be taken care of. By you.”

“What?” Buck asked through bated breath. He lost the steady beat of his heart, the comforting rise and fall of his chest, and the ability to control the way his hands shook in his lap at the admission. Eddie seemed to notice and turned toward him, holding his trembling fingers in one hand and avoiding Buck’s eyes once again. Buck couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t looking at him, opting instead to stare at the plain white floor as if the tiles were more interesting than the life-changing news he had just shared.

“It's in my will that if I die, you become Christopher's legal guardian,” Eddie explained simply. He said the words with such a clear voice, so sure that it was the right decision, and Buck couldn’t think enough to argue against it.

“I mean, h-how—How does that even work? Don't you—Don’t you need my consent?” Buck stuttered, his mouth barely able to catch up with all of the questions racing through his mind.

“My attorney said you could refuse,” Eddie noted, an upturn to his lips that almost had Buck laughing.

“You know I wouldn’t,” Buck finished for him.

“Nah, I know you wouldn’t,” Eddie said as if proud that he was right. Buck felt a warmth spread throughout him at the thought of Eddie innately knowing him so well. Then all he could think about were reasons why what Eddie was saying didn’t make any sense.

“I mean, he--he has grandparents, other family,” Buck began, but Eddie just shook his head again and held Buck’s hands tighter in his. He could finally feel them settle and equated that to Eddie’s calming touch.

“Yeah,” he let out a dry laugh, “after Shannon left, they all tried to guilt me into giving Christopher to them. It's not what I wanted then, it's not what I want now.” If Buck knew anything about Eddie, it was that when he knew what he wanted, nothing was going to change that. The way Eddie stared so firmly at their entwined hands both scared him and elated him.

Buck hated thinking about it already, but he had to ask, “ If it came to that, w-wouldn't they fight for him?” Eddie considered the question for a moment, but only a brief one.

“I don't know. Maybe. Probably.” When Eddie finally glanced away from their hands, Buck saw the worry clouding his muted eyes. He wasn’t sure how to make it go away and that killed him almost more than seeing Eddie lying just out of reach. “But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him.” There was nothing Buck could say in return, because there was no denying it. Buck would do anything for that kid, but he still had one more question.

“Well, you said you did this last year. Why are you just telling me now?” As if Eddie had expected and dreaded the question, he glanced away from Buck once more, removing his hands from Buck’s slowly. Buck wished he hadn’t.

“Because, Evan,” Eddie began and Buck was sure that was the first time Eddie had used his given name. He had always hated it. It was a token that his parents had given him that they treated like a gift and he usually wanted nothing to do with it, but coming from Eddie’s mouth, it sounded like music. “You came in here the other day and you said you thought it would have been better if it had been you who was shot.” He shook his head and stared at the wall in front of him. Buck tried to meet his eyes, but Eddie wouldn’t budge, letting out a long sigh.

“You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong.”

Buck had never felt a surge of emotions quite as strong as the ones that rushed through him at those words. When Eddie finally pulled his eyes away from the blank wall to meet Buck’s gaze, his eyes held everything Buck had ever wanted to see. The years he spent gaining Eddie’s friendship, his trust, his love, had amounted to something more than Buck had ever expected it to. His eyes screamed that Eddie loved him back.

“Why are you just telling me now?” Buck repeated because as much as he appreciated the answer he received--and would be thinking about it like a spiral in his mind for as long as he lived--there was something more held in Eddie’s gaze and Buck wanted that just as bad.

Eddie cupped Buck’s face in his uninjured hand, licking his lips before he admitted, “Because I’m ready .” It was as if both of them could finally breathe as Eddie explained, “For us to be more. That is, if you—” Buck didn’t let him finish. He moved carefully forward, pressing their lips together gently, twin sighs leaving their mouths as they finally— finally —took that extra step forward.

It was a leap both of them were ready to take, one that Buck had waited for since the moment he saw Eddie’s strength, his bravery, his loyalty, his love. It was that final jump into each other’s arms that meant they were nothing if not family. Eddie had just taken it a year sooner than Buck had expected and that was completely okay with him.

[madamewriterofwrongs]

Sending you all my hugs 🥰🥰🥰😍 How about...Buddie having the time of their lives being absolute shit at arcade games.

I remember I asked for fluffy prompts the night my boss passed away. That was months ago but I did not forget. Thank you everyone who sent me prompts while I was processing some tough emotions.

911/Buddie 

1v1 Co-op Matchmaking

Read on Ao3

“Are you sure this is the place?” Eddie tried to peer through one of the windows with the scratched off signage but the tinted glass made it impossible to see anything beyond vague shapes in evenly marked spaces.

“Absolutely.” Buck joined him in looking through the glass but seemed to be satisfied with what he saw there. “I found this place my first year in L.A.” He went on to explain as Eddie followed him to the blacked out double doors. “I promise you’re going to love it.”

As with most things in Eddie’s life, he had no choice but to follow his partner. He entered first, a blast of cool air hitting his face, bringing with it the scent of French fries and old pennies. Beyond the sound of whirs and buzzes was quiet chatter and the occasional exclamation of excitement or disappointment (usually accompanied by a string of barely recognizable curses – no doubt, due to the ‘No Swearing’ sign hanging on the cash register in the corner). All around him were a collection of game machines in nearly straight aisles reaching several rows down and across. Interspersed between the machines were tables and chairs with folded signs informing guests that food and drinks were not to be taken to the game machines.

“It’s an arcade.” Eddie dumbly informed his friend.

Buck stood beside him, chest puffed with pride as he examined the terrain. “One of the last in the city that hasn’t been overrun by hipsters.”

“So you’re saying you found this place before it was cool?” Eddie strolled towards the register knowing Buck would be glaring at him all the way. As predicted, Buck paid for both of them and converted twenty dollars into quarters for the two of them two split.

“Oh, this place is old school.” Eddie, once again, exclaimed the obvious while pocketing his share of the coins. “How did you find this place?” he asked as they wandered the aisles looking for their first game. “I didn’t think you would be old enough to remember ‘Ms. Pacman’.”

Buck bumped his shoulder with a playful gasp. “You are being so mean to me today.” He chided before falling more somber. “When I first moved here and started training, I needed a place to study. I had, like, six roommates so there was no way I could concentrate there. So, I wandered around looking for something a little less chaotic and I found this place.”

“And this place was quieter than your house?” Eddie hadn’t lived with roommates in a few years – not since his army days – but he couldn’t imagine one house being that overwhelming.

“No.” Buck rolled his eyes at Eddie’s internal monologue. “I ended up at the library a few blocks away. But I came here once or twice when I needed to get out of the house. Obviously, work keeps me pretty busy, but I like coming here from time to time.”

All of it made sense, but Eddie heard the softness in his friend’s tone, the way he spoke about this place as though it were something precious. He was being handed a gift and he would not turn it down.

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” When Buck looked up at his partner through long eyelashes (when did he start noticing Buck’s eyelashes?), Eddie felt goosebumps rise and wash down his body. Like awakening from a long nap, his limbs tingled and he felt every step as they continued their journey to find the perfect game.

It wasn’t the first time he felt that flash of lightning through his veins at the sight of his friend – he was a single man and his partner was very attractive – but it had been happening more often than he cared to admit. Noticing the little details of Buck’s appearance (his eyelashes, for example) was new. Feeling his heart beat faster and his skin burn with a desire he hadn’t felt in a long time…was less new. In fact, Eddie was nearly ready to put a label on the feelings stirring in his chest.

Last winter, when his sisters were visiting and the three siblings got to have a big family dinner with all the cousins and aunts and uncles, he’d spent a little too long talking about Buck. Or, maybe, Christopher had. Either way, Sophia managed to corner him in the kitchen after dessert had knocked out the majority of the children, and asked Eddie how long he’d been with Buck. Romantically. It was sometime after midnight (and a bottle of wine between the three of them) that Eddie finally admitted to both of his sisters that he had feelings for his best friend. Adriana had cooed and asked if Buck felt the same and, on some tipsy instinct, he’d answered “Yes.”

Of course, he didn’t know for certain – he’d never come out and said “Hey, Buck, I want to bend you over the railing and then grow old with you. What do you say?” – but he knew Buck. He knew Buck better than anyone (Maddie might give him a run for his money, but he’s fairly certain there’s a few stories Buck hasn’t told his sister about his time travelling the country). When that man loved, he loved with all his heart, and Eddie figured out a long time ago that Buck had given at least part of himself to the Diaz boys. Why not his heart?

So, yes, Eddie had a pretty good idea of how he felt, and was nearly certain that Buck felt the same way. And now, they were standing in an arcade – the location of which Buck hadn’t shared with anyone else in his life – occasionally making extended eye contact through the aisles. It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’. It was a matter of ‘when’.

So now, when not staring longingly into his friend’s eyes, Eddie scanned the names listed above each game. Some of the names were ones he recognized (‘Frogger’, ‘Pacman’, the aforementioned ‘Ms. Pacman’, ‘Centipede’). Others, were less familiar (‘Inferno’, ‘Dig Dug’, ‘1942’) and looked…confusing. His eye caught on a ‘Space Invaders’-looking game and he called his partner to his side.

“Want to be a member of the ‘Moon Patrol’?” He bumped Buck’s shoulder with the smile he reserved just for his friend, and dug for a quarter.

“Nope!” Buck declared as he retrieved his own quarter and inserted it into the appropriate slot, bumping Eddie out of the way so he could stand centered at the controls. “I call first game!”

Though he rolled his eyes in annoyance, Eddie took the loss as an opportunity to watch his partner work. He loved watching Buck work (nearly as much as he enjoyed working beside him). There were times when the man’s focus was hypnotizing. The firm set of his jaw, the piercing eyes that seemed unblinking, the way every part of his body tensed in concentration. He’d seen Buck excited, anxious, worried, panicked, even numb – when it came to the uncontrollable dangers of their job, they had been through a lot together. Every emotion showed Eddie how much his friend cared about his work.

This expression, however, was one he doubted many other members of the Los Angeles Fire Department had seen on the young firefighter. It was one Eddie had been privy to on more than one occasion when Christopher had brought over a particularly difficult puzzle or science question. He wasn’t sure he was ever meant to see it but he happened to be standing in the doorway after putting away leftovers from dinner and he’d seen it: the desire to win, the earnest focus, the eagerness and seriousness of his intent. The first time he saw, it was an accident.  Every other time he rushed to finish his chores whenever he thought that face might emerge… that was less of an accident.

He was pulled from his fond musings by a minor key jingle and light-hearted groan of disappointment.

“Only got to Point Q on the Champion Course.” Buck exclaimed, throwing his hands in defeat.

Eddie couldn’t help himself – or at least, that’s what he told himself. His partner was too genuine. But that was one of his favourite things about the man. Where Eddie could usually keep his outward appearance neutral in the face of adversity (a skill he’d used nearly every day since joining the LAFD), Buck never shied away from letting his face show just exactly what was on his mind – even if he never said anything.

And so, Eddie laughed. Only a small chuckle, but his heart never felt so light as when he was with Buck. It was easy to see, however, that his laugh could be misconstrued as mocking. Perhaps it was both.

“Think you can do better?” The newly-defeated champion bowed and offered the center position to his friend and Eddie stepped into place with another fond eyeroll (he made a mental note to ask his optometrist if too many eyerolls could cause nerve damage).

All right, Eddie thought as he tried to get a handle on the controls, so it wasn’t as easy as he thought. The joystick was rigid and the control pad was sticky and the graphics were definitely from an era long-passed. If he hadn’t been raised with an infinite amount of patience (according to his aunt), he might have given up. As it was, he died before reaching the first checkpoint.

Buck’s laughter could not be interpreted as anything other than mocking, and he didn’t bother to hide it. “You are truly terrible.” He informed Eddie with a slap on the shoulder.

Though he knew he didn’t need an excuse, it was too easy to play when Buck was around. “I’m used to the console at home. Unlike some people, I don’t spend my time playing with technology from the Reagan-era.”

“Well then let me show you.” Before Eddie could properly interpret Buck’s offer, the man had come to stand behind him, chin hovering over his shoulder, arms palming his elbows and guiding him back towards the console. “One more round.” Buck declared, enthusiastically. At his prompting, Eddie gripped the joystick and placed his hands just above the cluster of buttons on his left side. The now-familiar starting music began and Eddie focused all of his energy into game before him. Every few moments, he heard Buck mutter a command or offer advice and he took it without question. The joystick was still rigid and the buttons were still sticky but together, they made it to the second checkpoint. And then the third. By the fourth, Eddie had all but forgotten the world around them. The only things that existed were Eddie, the game, and Buck’s voice in his ear. It was soothing, almost, to fall into that rhythm. So long as he navigated the bumpy terrain and dodged the alien invasion, nothing else mattered.

Until he missed jumping over a landmine and was blown to smithereens.

“Damn!” Buck’s voice was suddenly too close. The air around him electrified on an exhale and the heat of his chest warmed Eddie to his core. As quickly as the world had fallen away in Buck’s arms, it came rushing back, more vibrant and alive than before. Every sound of electronics whirring, Buck’s steady breathing, and people shouting – even the rumble of the cars outside the arcade – was amplified. Every smell of old metal, sweat, and smoke hidden under Buck’s aftershave was overwhelming. Every touch of his scratchy jeans, the clammy plastic in his hand, and the warm presence at his back, made Eddie close his eyes to shut out one of his senses. The only one left was taste.

Buck and Eddie had held each other plenty of times over the years. They were partners and friends who worked in close contact with one another. At the end of a hard day, in the middle of a daring rescue, at the beginning of a heated glance as they stood in front of a game machine. They had shaken hands, hugged tightly, gripped for dear life at the edge of a cliff, even bumped shoulders often enough that he had a Buck-shaped indent near his heart. But standing in this loose hold – the other man’s arms barely brushing his, his back pressed against the other’s front – Eddie had never felt the overwhelming urge to taste more fervently than he did in that moment.

He knew that Buck was an attractive man – he was repressed, he wasn’t dead – and though he’d been contemplating thinking about maybe working up to taking some next step, he hadn’t counted on standing in Buck’s arms and feeling his heart flutter like a school girl with a crush.

Upon slowly dragging his eyes to meet his friend’s Eddie found himself breathlessly overtaken by the sensation of hope. Buck’s eyes were bright and round (earnest, just as he’d known them to be) His eyelashes closed and opened slowly, seemingly disbelieving of his circumstance. If Eddie knew Buck as well as he hoped he did, then there was a question in his friend’s eyes that was begging to be asked. A question Eddie was more than happy to answer.

“We make a pretty good team.” He felt his own breath reverberate off of Buck’s cheek and it stuttered in time with his heart.

“I’ve always thought so.” Buck’s lips twitched with suppressing a smile.

Then, came the moment of truth. Eddie felt a brief flicker of panic as he took one last breath before diving in.

“What should we do about it?”

In reality, Buck only contemplated his response for a few seconds but for Eddie, the silence stretched for years – three years, in fact. He felt the world move in slow motion and within it, he watched as Buck’s face flicked with a thousand emotions: fear, anxiety, excitement, contentment, desire, hope, doubt; finally, he settled on quiet happiness.

“I think we need to find a game we can play together. As partners. What do you say?”

As if there were any other response, Eddie smiled at Buck. “Partners.”

The rest of their time at the arcade was locked away, inaccessible to even Eddie, who recalled nothing more than laughter and flirtatious eye contact as they made their way through the aisles of games. At the end of the night, Eddie would get down the block before turning back to Buck’s door. He would run a nervous hand through his hair while he knocked with the other, and waited for the answer. And then, he would blush as he asked if Buck wanted to go on a date with him tomorrow. Buck would blush harder and assure Eddie that he would happily attend, but warn that he no longer kissed on the first date.

But maybe on their second date tomorrow, he’d get lucky.

[princessfbi]

Hi my favourite Buckley Siblings person. I need some serotonin after reading some horrifically hot takes that basically said that Maddie and Buck is not a healthy dynamic and she has no boundaries when it comes to him.

So, I was wondering if you could give your too reasons as to why the Buckley siblings are elite? 💜

Isn't that always the curse of the eldest daughter? To be invalidated in your feelings and your trauma because you're expected to perform to an expectation that can be crippling. There's a joke somewhere along the lines of "are you an overachiever or were you just the eldest daughter?" that seems fitting this morning.

I mean let's talk about Margaret and Philip's history of invalidating their children's feelings for a second.

They forced Maddie to never talk about a brother who died that she remembered and had known for most of her life. Maddie was nine. She would've been a fourth grader! She was a kid who still had to walk in a single file line down the halls. Do you know what the big deal was when I was in fourth grade? I got to have my classes upstairs on the second floor. That was the big monumental life change for me in that grade. It was a big deal.

Maddie was a fourth grader who lost her brother, didn't even have a grasp of the concept of what death meant, was told to pretend Daniel didn't exist, and was aware enough that her whole life had changed.

That's a fourth grader being told never to talk about someone ever again. A fourth grader who is then taken away from her home, her memories, her friends and forced to pretend like nothing was wrong.

There's a reason emotional neglect has such a clear through line to later in life abuse. It's this idea that Margaret and Philip perpetuated with Maddie that there has to be this performance. Nobody understands our suffering and judges us. It both alienates a child and teaches said child that the world will not understand you if things are different. You see that with the way Maddie hides things with Doug, she makes excuses for him, it's different with her and Doug, she judges other victims of domestic abuse when they come into the hospital, and she deflects. All of this she learned from her parents.

Maddie hiding the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip hiding Daniel's death/their grief

Maddie making excuses for Doug 🤝 Philip making excuses for Margaret

It's different with her and Doug 🤝 Philip and Margaret crying victim about people judging them for having Buck because obviously that's not the same thing as other people who procreate children to save other children

Maddie judging other victims 🤝 Margaret and Philip judging Maddie for attaching herself onto someone who loves her (questionable but I think in Doug's own way he did)

Maddie deflecting about the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip deciding to move away and never talk about Daniel again

You see them do it again and again to Maddie ("You don't know what it's like you're not a mother yet") so it's no wonder Maddie does it to herself. She'd gotten used to it. You see her do it to herself with Buck, Chimney, Sue, Josh, and then for a brief moment when she's struggling with the PPD.

Maddie deflects but she also makes a point to not let Buck do that. That's why it's so meaningful that she came to talk to him after he revealed he was going to therapy because she thought he wouldn't want to talk about it freely with Chimney around. That's why she prods when Buck makes excuses for Abby's behavior towards him. That's why her scene where she calls Buck sad and lonely is so important. That sticks with Buck and instead of getting angry about it, he tries to get help. But then he does the same for her too "Because I always felt like you were sad too."

Meanwhile in regards to Buck, we see Margaret and Philip objectify Buck from before he was even born. I think a lot of people forget that objectifying someone doesn't strictly imply sexually. Being a donor baby already comes in a severe degree of objectification (you can see this as a major argument in regards to the whole concept of donor siblings ie the book Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro for example). Margaret and Philip objectified Buck from conception and when it didn't work, they didn't put the work in to shift that way of viewing Buck. He remained an object to them. He was never a baby, he was a thing. "We live with a reminder staring us in the face." They didn't just invalidate Buck. They didn't let Buck be a person.

And Buck had grown up being objectified his whole life which is why he doesn't even react when people are constantly doing it to him (people on the job, Abby, Bobby and the team to a certain extent.) I think it's interesting the way he reacts when Omar does the same thing when Maddie introduces him.

Maddie: Omar, this is my brother, Evan.

Omar: Oh, yeah, the football star.

Buck is so visibly uncomfortable when he says that it actually hurts my soul which is why that scene where Buck says "I'm going to be something... I just-- I don't know what it is yet" is so important. Because Maddie has spent her entire life being invalidated and she goes out of her way to make sure that doesn't happen with Buck. She validates Buck. She reminds him that he's a person. That he is someone.

So, when Maddie gives Buck the keys and the money to go away, she's not just giving him an escape. She's giving him permission to go be someone.

What I think people sometimes forget is that the trauma Buck experienced (the neglect which in my personal opinion, is a form of abuse though I know the technicalities are a gray point) was also what Maddie experienced. The difference is that Maddie got to be a person. She got to be their daughter. Their choice. Wanted. Buck wasn't given that consideration.

So, she did it. Maddie changed the course of trajectory for Buck.

And she started that when she was nine years old. A fourth grader decided that she was going to want this unwanted baby.

Maddie wasn't fighting her parents in Buck Begins about being able to talk to Daniel. She wasn't even fighting because they were invalidating her feelings again! She was fighting them because they were back in their lives and treating Buck like he wasn't a person again. She was fighting them because they came into town and gave a lackluster attempt at trying check and make sure Buck was fine before they dismissed him.

And Maddie wasn't going to let them do that again.

I mean just think about the "Don't be stupid, Evan"/"Don't talk to him like that" scene. It's so understated how significant those two lines are. It speaks volumes of the way Margaret in particular has diminished Buck's capacity as a human being and how she'd done it enough times that Maddie immediately jumps to his defense.

And it's not just Maddie who does it either. Because Buck knows Maddie deflects. He's seen her do it with his own two eyes (I just don't think he realized how much she deflects from him because again he thought they were on the same page). "C'mon you don't have to pretend with me. I know things aren't okay with, Doug." So Buck jumps in between Maddie and anyone who is a "danger" to her.

He does it with Margaret: "She's going to nursing school. You should congratulate her."

He does it with Doug: "Standing in between you and anyone who thinks they can hurt you is exactly where I want to be standing."

He does it with Gloria: "Want me to talk to her?"

And he does it again in the big build up at the infamous dinner scene with his parents. Buck has seen Maddie just take it, so he puts himself in the middle. "It was a compliment, Evan!"/"Oh, was it?"

"A united front."

"You and me in the world."

"Us vs them. That's what we always said."

I agree that I don't think it was Maddie's place to tell Buck's parents about his therapy (though, I know why she did it). But Buck is such a firm believer in the "People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you give up on them." and that came from Maddie and grew from his experience with Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Eddie, and Athena.

Buck and Maddie are never going to give up on each other. If they had, Maddie wouldn't have given him an escape. Buck would've stopped trying to contact her. Buck and Maddie show such a capacity of love and forgiveness towards one another it's maddening because they so easily could've not.

It's not Buck tolerating when Maddie "hurts" or "upsets" him. It's Buck loving Maddie so completely that he loves her in spite of her flaws. The same way she has loved him in spite of his failures.

I think that's really the saddest part about the people who don't quite understand the Buckley siblings relationship. It's people who don't get or haven't gotten to experience the profound love that comes from being forgiven for something. Forgiven completely and not just stated. I think to be forgiven, really forgiven, is maybe one of the greatest gifts a person can give you. Because to be forgiven is to be seen. It's be seen for all your faults and still accepted. Whether a person deserves forgiveness or not is really just a moot point if you think about it. Because to make the choice to forgive someone is a liberation of yourself by saying "I am not going to hold this baggage for you anymore." It's all you can control at the end of the day. How people respond when you say that is when you really get to see the true value you hold to a person. Like my sibling and I grew up hating each other. HATING each other. It wasn't until we were older that we started to connect. But I have never once, nor have they, questioned whether or not we would go to the mat swinging for each other. And yeah we have a lot of baggage we're still holding onto but one by one we're letting things go and we are still around for one another.

That's why I think it's fascinating Buck's capability for forgiveness and it stems from Maddie because Margaret and Philip I don't think have ever forgiven Buck. They may not have blamed him but they never forgave him either.

François Duc De La Rochefoucauld has a really amazing quote about forgiveness.

"One forgives to the degree that one loves."

Buck's capacity to love and forgive is because Maddie loved him so completely. She saw him as a person. She treated him as a person. She forgave him for being a person and she loved him for being a person.

They survive major childhood trauma together. It has created this codependency that is shifting for the better because Buck and Maddie are getting better. They're surrounded by people who love them the way Margaret and Philip should have loved them. They are surrounded by people who validate them the way Margaret and Philip should have validated them. They are surrounded by people who see them for who they are the way Margaret and Philip should've seen them.

"Cause it's hard to feel betrayed by someone you didn't really think you could count on anyway... and easy to lash out one the person that you know is always gonna forgive you."

So that's my top reason why they're elite. Buck and Maddie forgive one another the same way they love one another. Completely and entirely with their whole hearts.

[tempestaurora]

Hi, don't know if you're still doing this but:

2 royal + 52 Marriage of Convenience 

Eddie and Buck 911

2: Royal Au + 52: Marriage of Convenience

alright i've read like four of these in the past two days so i've been trying to think up something original

personally, i'd tell the story of the buckleys, rulers of some made up country like genovia. the buckley king and queen, phillip and margaret, had three children: daniel, madeline and evan. tragically, their eldest grew sick at a young age, and prince evan was born in an attempt to save his life (although the family would never admit that to the world); evan's spare parts, however, must have been defective, for the young prince daniel died, leaving madeline as the heir to the throne

now, here's the thing about being royal: it sucks. no one tells you it sucks, but it does, and madeline (or maddie, as she prefers) and evan know this first hand, especially as maddie grows older and has to start looking for a husband

in walks doug kendall, a neurosurgeon, and by god does the country love him

so much so that evan, once old enough, decides to start travelling, start going around the world, because it's not like he'll be missed, right? he may be the country's beloved prince evan (the brightest smile and biggest heart of any royal they've ever known) - but he's not needed for day-to-day things

so he travels, and when he does, he does it in disguise. no guards, no royal escorts, no private planes. he even goes by buck, because its easier that way - and its not like genovia is a big country, so its not like he's going to get recognised

he's on a tour of the united states when he reaches el paso, texas, where a young eddie diaz, recently abandoned and divorced by his wife, and father to a four-year-old christopher, are struggling to make end's meet

one of eddie's three jobs is as a bartender at the bar that buck wanders into

and by god can they not stop staring at each other

i mean, a hot bartender with just the right amount of stubble who holds himself with innate confidence

and a hot patron with a birthmark above his left eye and an open smile like sunshine is just flooding out of him?

they get to talking real quick

and although buck doesn't mention being a prince, he stays at the bar long enough to hear all about eddie's life and current troubles (isn't the patron supposed to vent to the bartender? buck asks. hey i listen to people vent all the time, eddie replies, it's rightfully my turn)

and well, buck has an idea - a dumb idea, because he's a bit drunk, but an idea all the same

we should get married, buck says

what

buck shrugs. if i'm hearing you right, you just got divorced, your parents are threatening to take away your child - aka the light of your life - and you need insurance and money. if we get married, you're no longer a single dad working three jobs with no insurance - i dunno man sounds like a good idea to me

and eddie's not usually one to do stupid, reckless things, and he fully expects this to backfire in a ridiculous way, but goddammit - he's twenty six, he's allowed to do dumb shit occasionally, and buck is something he definitely wants to do

it takes a few weeks (they both think the other will back out, but neither does) and buck has to get a lot of things sorted privately and quietly, especially in regards to marriage licenses and visas, but idk he's a prince he can fast track that shit, but then the two of them are getting married at a court house, with just christopher and eddie's sisters to witness

(eddie hears buck's name as evan buckley for the first time on the day they get married; he does not recognise it in the slightest. he doesn't care about royals.)

(in those few weeks, eddie is blown away (and a little in love) with how good buck is with chris; there are several near-misses with either of them shirtless, fresh from the shower, or dressed up in a suit; and at least nine moments where they almost kissed but didn't and thought the other didn't want to)

helena and ramon, by the way, are pissed

eddie is thrilled

and everything's great - buck moves into eddie's house, ending his tour of america then and there in el paso; signs lots of documents and makes lots of phone calls; listens to eddie talk about the idea of moving to LA, of being a firefighter, of doing something he's proud of

and after one night when buck carries christopher to bed and tucks him in, eddie watching from the doorway, they return to the living room for eddie to immediately kiss him

buck kisses back, of course

its the next day that the news drops: prince evan buckley of genovia has secretly married a single father in texas

eddie finds out through the newspaper. he looks between it, then buck, then it, and says: what

and buck goes for a smile and says, surprise?

eddie's annoyed for like a minute and a half, but buck is too delightful and charming to be mad at for long.

buck's parents, on the other hand - boy can they hold a grudge

the story ends like this: buck and eddie travel to genovia with christopher; they introduce him around the family, around the country, and genovia is still surprised, but ultimately endeared by the family prince evan has made for himself, unaware that it was built on a dumb, drunk idea.

(what happens when they find out? eddie asks quietly, one night. why would they find out? buck replies. we're married, eddie, and not to be embarrassing - but i've got a massive crush on you, so i'm happy to see where this takes us)

in the epilogue, buck denounces his claim to the throne to move to the usa, LA specifically, and live with christopher and eddie there. maddie follows not long after, publicly divorcing her abusive husband and needing some time away. she eventually goes back, because being a royal may suck, but she's still instilled with a sense of duty towards her people - however, when she returns, many years later, upon her parents' abdication so that she may take the throne, she brings her husband, chimney, and their daughter, jee-yun with her

by that point, of course, eddie and buck are very happy, very in love, and are no longer married out of convenience, but joy

Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.

[nurse-buckley]

Safe Haven

Fandom: 9-1-1 Word Count: 1,326 Pairing: Buddie Warnings: child abandonment Summary: a baby is dropped off in the firehouse’s safe haven box. Buck and Eddie have to deal with the situation alone.  Tagslist: @fireladybuckley @pupandangelscoffee @winterreader-nowwriter @dayrin085 Beta’d by the amazing @firemedicdiaz, thank you my love <3

“It’s an easy call, they don’t need all of us. Buck, you and Eddie stay behind, get started on supper.” Bobby ordered over his shoulder as he left with Hen and Chim. 

The pair weren’t exactly happy at the man behind order but the prospect of having the firehouse to themselves for an hour wasn’t an opportunity they were going to pass up. 

Buck turned on the stereo, connecting his phone, and began blasting out music for him and Eddie to cook to. After a glance in the refrigerator and cupboard, they decided on a simple pasta, salad, and bread rolls; all easy to make that would leave them time to play a video game while it cooked. 

They fell into a comfortable silence.  Eddie chopped the vegetables for the salad, tossing them into a big bowl as he went. Buck, meanwhile, began cooking the pasta and making a start on the accompanying sauce. Once everything was simmering and the bread rolls were heating in the oven, the pair were about to make their way to the couch when an alarm went off. 

Eddie glanced at Buck, confused; it wasn’t an alarm he’d heard before but he knew it wasn’t for another call, with the rest of the 118 already being out. Buck, however, knew exactly what that alarm meant. He’d heard it once before not long after he’d joined the 118. It was the Safe Haven alarm. 

The younger firefighter put down the game controller he had hold of and ran for the stairs. Eddie frowned in confusion at his sudden movement but followed, curious as to what was happening. 

“Buck, what’s going on?” 

Buck shouted over his shoulder, not pausing as he went. “I need you to grab a med kit, towels, and warm blankets, now. It’s the Safe Haven box, someone just dropped off a baby.” 

Eddie was shocked to say the least, but he pushed his feelings aside and jumped into action to gather the supplies Buck had asked for. 

The younger firefighter ran towards the box, his heart pounding in his chest as he saw the bundle of blankets through the clear screen. He opened it up, gently reaching in to pick up the baby placed inside. 

Eddie was at his side moments later, the kit and blankets in hand. “Shouldn’t we look for the mother?” 

“No. The baby gets dropped off, no questions asked. We need to focus on this little one now.” 

Buck unravelled the baby from his blanket, towelling him off before swadling him in the new blanket Eddie had brought. With the baby safe in Buck’s arms, the pair ascended the stairs, Eddie following behind with the med kit. They carried the baby to the table, setting him down gently.  

Buck unswaddled the child, gently cooing and apologising as the baby began to squirm at the cool air. “I know bud, I’m sorry. We just need to check you over to make sure you’re healthy. Don’t we?” 

Eddie’s heart swelled at the man before him, at how gentle Buck was. At how his voice rose a few octaves as he spoke to the child beneath him. He adored the way Buck was with children, the interactions he had never failing to make him smile. 

Eddie opened the bag on the table beside Buck, pausing to turn the food off the stove as a faint burning smell reminded him they had left supper simmering. 

“You’re a good color, aren’t you? Yes, you are. Not looking like a smurf, which is very good!” The younger firefighter cooed as he inspected the baby further. He gently grabbed onto the infants hands, smiling as the baby gripped onto his larger fingers. 

“Eddie, hand me the stethoscope.” Buck took the instrument with a thank you, inserting it into his ears before placing it on the baby’s chest. The boy squirmed beneath him, but with a gentle hand on his head from Buck he stilled, staring at the firefighter wide-eyed. “Lungs and heart are clear, respiratory rate is good.” 

While Buck was completing his assessment, Eddie had placed a pulse ox on the baby, wrapping the sensor around his tiny foot as he secured it into place. He glanced at the monitor, relief washing over him as he announced the baby’s pulse ox was normal. 

After their assessment, the pair sighed a breath of relief, reassured that the baby was safe. Buck let Eddie do the honour of placing a diaper on the child, too embarrassed to admit he had little experience in that area and not wanting to put it on backwards. Once the baby was changed and swaddled back in the blankets, Buck picked him up, moving over to the couch with Eddie by his side. 

With the excitement having died down, the older firefighter sent off a text to the captain to let him know the situation and to have the ambulance ready to take the infant to hospital once they returned. 

The baby had fallen asleep, the firefighter’s comforting embrace, having relaxed him into slumber. Buck cursed as he heard the truck and ambulance pulling into the station, waking the child as it squirmed and let out a loud cry. “Shh, now. It’s okay. Did the big fire truck scare you?” The younger man cooed in a voice that Eddie thought should be illegal.  Seeing the interaction between the two made Eddie fall deeper in love with the man before him. He didn’t even know it was possible. 

Hen sprinted up the stairs not long after the vehicles had pulled into the firehouse. “Bobby said there's a baby?” she whispered. She let out a gasp as she saw Buck on the couch with the bundle of blankets in his arms. A voice escaped the firefighter that neither men had heard come from her before, “Let me see the cute little…” the words became higher pitched and less discernible as she continued, much to the two mens amusement. She made her way to the back of the couch, looking down over Bucks shoulder at the tiny human. “Can I hold him?” 

Buck held the baby closer to his chest, his voice a whisper as he spoke. “Shh, he’s asleep. Besides, he doesn’t know you.” 

Hen shook her head, moving to sit next to the pair as she got a closer look at the baby. Bobby appeared at the top of the stairs moments later with Chim behind him. The pair moved over to where the small crowd had gathered, moving around to get a look themselves. 

“How’s the newest member of the 118 doing?” Bobby asked; he couldn’t help the smile on his face as he saw the way Buck was interacting with the child.  

“Buck checked him over, he seems healthy.” 

“I’ll call ahead to the hospital, let them know we’ve had a drop off, and we’ll get him on his way.” 

“Alright buddy, let’s get you to the hospital.” Buck stood, the baby still cradled safely in his arms as he made his way down the stairs. The rest of the 118 followed behind him, ready to take him to the emergency room. 

Before they knew it, the baby had been left in the care of the nurses awaiting them as they pulled up to the ER doors. Buck had handed over the baby, placing a gentle hand over his head.  

“Have a good life, buddy.”  

Eddie didn’t miss the quietness that overcame Buck on the drive back to the firehouse. He placed a comforting hand on the younger man’s knee, their eyes meeting in a silent conversation. “He’s gonna be okay, Buck.” 

Buck placed his hand over the one resting on his knee. Another look at Eddie told him he didn’t want to talk about it, not yet at least. Buck kept his hand on the older firefighter’s as his gaze remained focused out the window, as he allowed himself to get lost in his own thoughts.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Evan “Buck” Buckley:  Words can hurt or heal him

July 2–9, 2022:  Getting to know Buck & Eddie week

This post includes a detailed character study on Buck to illustrate how some of the words that were spoken to him actually hurt him, while others that were spoken to him helped to heal him.

There’s an old proverb that says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” which originated in a book written by Alexander William Kinglake in 1844 (The Free Dictionary.com).  The wording has changed from the way it was originally written over the past two centuries but children still cite this proverb today.  Its meaning illustrates how children won’t allow any hurtful words that were spoken to them affect them and while that may be true for most people, it’s not true for Buck.  When people call him names or hurl demeaning adjectives at him, he not only accepts it but he embraces and believes it.  Then he carries those negative words around with him for a long time.  Several people have said words to him that were hurtful but there have also been people who have said things to him that helped to heal him.  Let’s review some of the CANON instances where Buck listened to people say things to him that either hurt or healed him.

Buck started going to therapy on his own and he had video conference sessions with Dr. Copeland in 4x2 “Alone Together”.  His sessions started during the pandemic so his visits with his therapist had to take place via Facetime.

He didn’t tell anyone he was in therapy until 4x3 “Future Tense” while he was at Chimney’s apartment helping him and Maddie with their baby proofing.  Once he mentioned it, Maddie became concerned especially when he told them that he wasn’t seeing a departmental therapist but that he was seeing a therapist that he chose on his own in order to talk about himself. She asked him, “What about you?” and he said, “I don’t know. Just stuff. I mean everyone has issues, right?”.  

She assumed he didn’t want to elaborate in front of Chimney so she went to his loft after he left to continue their conversation.  When she arrived and explained why she was there, he finally said the reason he was going to therapy was her fault.  She said, “What?” and he responded, “You called me sad and lonely”. Then she responded with, “Evan that was months ago” and he replied with, “Well it’s the kind of thing that sticks with you”. 

Buck was right, Maddie did call him lonely in 3x16 “The One That Got Away” during one of their conversations about Red (read blog post “Evan “Buck” Buckley:  Life Lessons Learned” to learn more about how Buck thought he would end up lonely and sad like Red did before he died).  After he told her about the woman who couldn’t remember who Red was and how upset Red became at him for taking him over there, Maddie said, “So, you don’t think this business with Red is hitting a little too close to home? A lonely hero firefighter who’s pining for his lost love.” He said, “That’s ridiculous! You think I’m lonely?” Even though she called him lonely more than 6 months before he decided to start going to therapy, he didn’t forget the words she said to him.  He continued to worry about it and according to him, that was the main reason why he went to therapy.

When Buck was younger, his mother called him some hurtful words too.  In 2004 she called him “stupid” and he remembered that during one of his flashbacks in 4x5 “Buck Begins”.  Maddie spoke up and said, “Don’t talk to him like that!” which shows how she would protect him from his parents hurtful words as much as she could when she still lived in Hershey.

After he crashed his motorcycle in 2012, he went to visit Maddie at the hospital where she was working as a nurse and he told her that their parents looked at him like he was a “loser” and how he couldn’t go back there to face them.  He said they looked through him instead of at him and he wanted Maddie’s help to get away from their house.  He asked her if he could live with her and Doug but she said, “Things are complicated at home right now”.  Therefore he had to go back home to his parents’ house because he didn’t have anywhere else to go.

When his parents found out about his crashed motorcycle, his mother said, “You’re reckless. You do dangerous things without giving them a second thought. You think you’re indestructible but you’re not”.  Buck never forgot those words and he was still carrying them around with him at the age of 29.  After their conversation, Maddie picked Buck up and gave him her jeep and she told him to go.  He left his parents’ home that night and never returned.

There have been other people in Buck’s life outside of his blood relatives who have called him hurtful things too.  In 3x5 “Rage” Eddie told him, “You’re exhausting!” during their argument in the grocery store after Buck filed a lawsuit against Bobby and the LAFD. The look on his face after Eddie said the word exhausting, showed he was hurt by it.  Eddie said he was upset because Christopher missed Buck and Buck hadn’t contacted them since before he “filed that stupid lawsuit”.

Taylor said a lot of hurtful words to Buck in 4x8 “Breaking Point”.  She embarrassed him in front of Veronica and Albert when she said, “Buck can sometimes be intimidated by strong women. He needs a good ego stoke every now and then”.  After she walked out of Veronica’s apartment, Buck chased her and said, “Taylor it’s not what you think” and she responded, “Oh that you really didn’t want to see me? You just needed them to see you with me.  God you are so needy.” Then she proceeded to tell him that he was a bad friend since she felt like he had invited her there under false pretenses.  Based on the look he displayed on his face, the words she said to him cut deep and they were just like some of the words his mother said to him when he was young (read blog post: “Evan “Buck” Buckley: Taylor Kelly was the “Random Girl” in a bar”  and “All of Buck’s Women”  to learn more about how Taylor would reward Buck’s recklessness and say hurtful words to him just like his mother did).

Even though there have been a lot of hurtful words said to Buck by people he believed cared about and loved him, there have also been people who have said words that helped to heal him.  He’s also said words that showed how he feels about himself and how he’s trying to move forward.

Buck told Bobby in 3x6 “Monsters”, “It’s like the uniform is my costume.  You know I put it on and suddenly I’m brave and I’m strong. I make a difference. It feels like without it I’m not much of anything”.  Then Bobby said, “Buck, you saved two lives without the uniform. It’s not a costume, it’s who you are”. Bobby’s words helped Buck to understand the uniform is not the thing that makes him Buck because he was already brave and strong even without it.  His words helped Buck to realize that he can still make a difference and feel like he matters whether he wears the uniform or not.

In 4x5 “Buck Begins”, Buck was feeling like he didn’t know who he was or who he was supposed to be after he learned a family secret that included the reasons why he was conceived and born (read blog post: “Evan “Buck” Buckley:  Life Lessons Learned” to learn more about why Buck was born). He was inside of a warehouse trying to rescue a victim and he almost gave up. When Bobby told Athena that Buck stayed inside of the warehouse to save the last victim, she said that she wasn’t surprised and that the person he saved was probably glad he was being Buck.  He said he didn’t know what being Buck meant and she replied, “You never give up. That’s what being Buck means to me.  But whatever you do, don’t stop!”  His facial expression immediately showed how her words of encouragement not only helped him but they also healed him a little bit too.

Buck went to visit Maddie after he spoke with his parents not long after the warehouse fire.  He told her their parents asked him to forgive them and he said that he did.  She said, “Wow. That must have been difficult?” and he said, “The thing is not really. It’s hard to feel betrayed by someone you didn’t really think you could count on anyway. And easy to lash out at the person you know is always going to forgive you”.  Buck realized after everything that happened with his parents and after he learned the secret they finally revealed to him about his birth, that he does have some say so over how he feels about situations and that he has the ability to move past some of the hurtful things that happened to him.  He also realized that he can make the decision to be better for himself and he doesn’t have to wait for anyone’s approval to do so.

In 4x14 “Survivors” Eddie finally told Buck that he put him in his will and named him to be Christopher’s legal guardian in the event that Eddie unexpectedly passed away.  Buck was shocked and asked him why he waited one year to tell him about it since he made the change after The Well incident (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: The Will & Legal Guardianship” to learn more about Eddie’s will and the events that led him to make the change). Eddie said, “Because Evan. You came in here the other day and said, you thought it would have been better if it were you who had been shot. You act like you’re expendable, but you’re wrong!”  Eddie’s words not only helped Buck to understand that his life is meaningful and valuable but they also helped him to realize that both Eddie and Christopher need him.  One of Buck’s biggest fears is that he will be left behind.  Eddie changing his will to include Buck helped him heal a little bit more since he now knows that he’s needed.

In 5x18 “Starting Over”, Buck made the decision to end his relationship with Taylor after she broke his trust.  When Taylor said, “You knew who I was when you started dating me” and he said, “I guess I thought I could learn to live with it”, he was finally starting his own self-healing journey.  She replied, “I don’t want to be something you have to learn to live with” and he responded, “I don’t want to keep on making the same mistakes”. Buck was finally working towards being a better version of himself who would no longer allow people to hurt him and he not do anything about it.  He made the decision to end it on his own and he exhaled after she left his loft.

Buck has experienced a lot of things throughout his life and while some of them were hurtful, some of them have helped to heal things that have plagued him for many years.  Even though he hasn’t mentioned therapy in a while, he did say in 4x6 “Jinx” that his parents agreed to attend a couple of sessions with him and that he was tired of looking in the past.  He told Eddie, Hen and Chimney that he wanted to move forward.  Has Buck resumed his therapy sessions with Dr. Copeland? If not, will he resume them later during season 6?  Will he be allowed to continue his healing journey in season 6?  Only the showrunners, writers and producers know the answers to those questions.