#and constantly thinking about the worst outcome and thinking thats the only way this can go. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bratkook · 4 years

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girls in bikinis. (m) kth.

pairing: taehyung x reader genre: smut, pwp word count: 5.3k warnings: exhibitionism, unprotected sex, partially clothed sex, fingering, spanking, dirty talk, creampie, he fucks her in roller skates okay and its light and playful author’s note: this came to me as i washed my dishes and listened to this song by poppy and idk what possessed me to write this when i have 2471819 other wips i should be focusing on but i hope u enjoy it lmaooo

As the sun beats down on Taehyung, beads of sweat trickling down his neck while he cruises on his long board along the concrete path right on the beach, he doesn’t think he regrets encouraging your new hobby more than he does right now

You see when you first voiced your desire to learn to roller skate Taehyung had found it endearing, even going as far as purchasing the skates for you as a surprise because you had been so excited watching videos online of other girls gliding around.

When you finally got them and slipped them on, stumbling around like a baby deer discovering they had legs, he thought it would be an adorable hobby. Seeing you bundled up with your knee pads, matching elbow pads ready to catch your fall and a helmet strapped tightly under your chin.

It all screamed cute.

But your determination had set it, constantly practicing out on the sidewalk or in the shoddy parking lot of your apartment complex, not caring how many times you bruised your tailbone with your nasty falls until they slowly minimized.

Soon enough Taehyung had stopped providing you ice packs and comforting words when you took a tumble and instead he had begun to watch in awe as your strides got more confident, no longer afraid to apply pressure onto your toe stops when you caught some speed, mixing in some cool spins as you skated around him in circles.

With that added confidence came the fact that you no longer needed to be wrapped up in safety gear as extensively as you used to be which is what landed him in this situation, watching you glide along beside him with the skimpiest outfit on.

This no longer screamed cute, no this entire thing was currently shouting sexy in his head so loud it was a surprise no one around him could hear it.

Taehyung swallows down a groan when you push out so you’re ahead of him now, the scrape of your wheels mixing in with his own. His eyes trail up your body, seeing how your legs glimmer in the sun thanks to the body oil you had lathered on before you, making your entire body look like its glowing.

The expanse of your legs are out for the world to see and he’s almost positive if you bent over just slightly he’d catch a peak of the underwear you currently had on because these black cut off shorts were purely for aesthetic purposes.

Its not until you whirl around on your skates, gliding backwards with your arms and head bobbing along to the music you had blasting from your phone in your back pocket, that his eyes zero in on your tits. Taehyung can’t hold the groan back this time, not with the way he sees them bounce and jiggle with each stride of your legs, only being caged in by the tiniest triangle bikini top you had so graciously slipped on.

He knew you did this on purpose, did this just for him, color coordinating your orange top to match the suede of your skates and passing it off as a cute notion. Taehyung had gotten drunk a few nights ago, and with the added alcohol came the slip of his tongue, confessing how hot he thought you looked as you rolled around and how much hotter you’d look if you did it in just your underwear.

You, being ever the people pleaser, weren’t going to let him down. Of course you weren’t clad in your bra and panties but this was definitely second best and when you catch his dazed out expression it proves you right.

His foot mindlessly keeps pushing himself forward, coming back onto his board robotically to continue the glide while you shimmy your chest at him tauntingly.

“My eyes are up here.” You quip teasingly, your hand coming up to rake through your hair as you shoot him a dazzling smile. Thats when he finally blinks out of his daze, meeting your eyes with a cheeky smile on his own face.

“Oh I know,” he shrugs, rocking on his board as he glides side to side, his wheels kissing the edge of the path each way as he does so, “prefer staring at your tits though.”

A snort leaves you at his comment, swirling back around to face forward, slowing your pace down until you’re once again right beside him. You turn your head to look at him, smirking when you see him staring at you already, “Figured, that’s kind of why I wore this.”

“Ah,” he sighs out, his hand reaching forward to grab your own in a sweet notion as he matches your speed, “so I fell into your trap?”

The soft laugh you let out makes the horniness that's clouding his brain clear up, paired with the fact that he can no longer see the way your boobs bounce with every crack on the floor, he has a moment to cleanse his impure thoughts.

“Yeah, it’s all going according to plan.”

Taehyung laughs fully at that now, his eyes crinkling up as he smiles, his ash blonde hair being fluffed up from the wind and the speed at which he pushes off the floor, “Oh yeah?”

A small hum is your only response, mimicking his movements and pushing forward once more to make room for bikers approaching you, once again giving him the glorious view of your ass and legs.

“And how does this plan of yours end exactly?”

You spin around once more, the action smooth and nothing at all compared to the way you struggled months ago, your hand still grasping his own as he helps guide you from any oncoming people. There's a glint in your eye that he can’t pinpoint but he knows its trouble, it usually always is with you.

“With you fucking me.”

His brows arch up at your lewd comment, how you said it so nonchalantly, almost as if you were discussing a grocery list. His balance falters slightly as he wobbles on his feet, your hand being the saving grace that stops him from face planting onto the hot cement. That would definitely sober his filthy thoughts up just as quickly as they came, nothing like good road burn to help him stop sinning.

“Well let's go then.” He chokes out, ready to drag you to his awaiting car, maybe you’d let him defile you in his backseat if you were this horny but you shock him once more when your shoulders shrug. A playful frown on your face as you look behind you, your eyes focusing on the surrounding buildings, “Why?”

“What do you mean why, you said you want me to fuck you or am I reading this all wrong?”

Another laugh bubbles out of you, the sound sweet and angelic as if you aren’t currently thinking of him rearranging your guts in the unholiest of places

“Oh no, I definitely want you to fuck me but why leave?”

That’s when the realization hits him, his eyes widening up as his mouth drops open when he understands just what you’re suggesting, “Here?”

A simple nod is sent his way, your smile widening when he looks around in exasperation, almost as if he can’t fathom that you’d let him do whatever he wanted to you in any location. “But we’re in public!” He hisses out, his cheeks warming up to a blush and its adorable.

“So, I’m horny and I want you to fuck me. Are you game?”

As adventurous as Taehyung was, he'd never, ever, fooled around in public and as much as he wanted to, the fear of getting caught and possibly being thrown into jail always stopped him. But the way you look right now is making all of his logical thinking go straight into the gutter and he can’t find it in himself to care, not when he can see this whole thing play out in his mind.

With every blink of his eyes he sees flashes of you, pressed against the side of a building as you moan out his name, the feel of your oiled up skin against his fingertips as he grips into your hips and fucks you from behind, the thrill of having to keep quiet.

He feels his cock spur to life in his shorts and that is absolutely the only convincing he needs to make his feet come down with a thump, haphazardly hopping off of his board and yanking you to an abrupt stop, his hands having to catch you before you topple over from the force of it all.

“Hell yeah I’m game, but if we get caught it’s all your fault.”

He wastes no time scooping his board up and tucking it underneath his arm as he takes off, dragging you behind him while he hauls you off the bike path and onto the crowded boardwalk. His grip on you is secure as your wheels wobble on the uneven path, his pace speeding up when your laughter reaches his ear.

A smirk spreads onto his face as his eyes bounce along each building, determined to find a location good enough for your rendezvous. The small whispers you send him make him feel like you’re a little devil perched onto his shoulder, luring him into making the worst decisions with the best outcomes.

“You gotta be quiet Y/N.” Taehyung whispers with a laugh, his hands placed on your ass, pushing you into the small alleyway between two buildings you had both deemed good enough for the scandalous act you were about to perform.

You have to bite your lip to prevent teasing words from slipping through, your heart was currently pounding in your chest as reality hits you, not believing just how easy it was to convince Taehyung do to anything involving sex.

It’s almost comical how he rolls you deeper into the small hiding spot, his board slipping from its spot under his arm and landing on the floor in a loud thunk. The sound echoes all around you but he can’t focus on that right now, completely ignoring the scowl you send his way after he had just shushed you into silence.

“You gotta be quiet–” You mock him, the end of your words being muffled out when he slaps his palm over your mouth, a taunting look on his face as he pushes you against the brick wall. The heels of your boots thud against the building as your back presses flush against it, the gritty texture of the wall digs into your back but any complaints you have get stuck in your throat when you see the look in his face, your breath huffing against his hand, the tiniest smile creeping onto your lips.

“Don’t worry about me baby,” he whispers out, his face inching closer to yours. His eyes sneak a side glance towards the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking past blissfully unaware that the two of you were tucked away in here, “unless you want people to see how desperate you are for my cock you need to keep that pretty mouth of yours closed okay?”

A stiff nod and a hum against his palm is all you give him, your eyes staring straight into his as he takes a moment to ogle you. His gaze trails down your neck, onto the swells of your chest covered in the tiny orange bikini, his head tilting slightly as he watches the rise and fall as you try to steady your breathing.

“Nervous?” Taehyung teases, choosing now to remove his palm from your mouth.

“No,” you breathe out a laugh, resting onto your left toe stop as you sag against the wall, “I’m excited.”

Of course you were, this had been your plan after all. Get Taehyung so hot and bothered he’d do anything you asked and he had fallen right into your grasp, not that he had any complaints.

“You fucking minx.” He jokes, pressing his lips against yours in a hard kiss, the smell of the sunscreen he had slathered his face in invades your senses, it reminds you of summer and you know after today it’ll also remind you of this moment.

Your lips drop open as he licks his way into your mouth, groaning when his tongue slithers against yours. Your arms hook around his neck, tugging him closer as he lightly licks the roof of your mouth before pulling back with a hum.

“Gotta be quick yeah?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, letting his hands grip your sides, his thumb softly rubbing your waist on his way down to the button of your shorts, “hurry.”

The bouncing wheels of skateboarders whizzing by a few feet away has you gasping in excitement, Taehyung shooting you a wink when he catches the thrilling look on your face at the prospect of getting caught, “You got it.”

Taehyung pops the button of your shorts open, the sound reaching your ears, aiding in the small rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. The metallic scrape of your zipper being yanked down joins the air, his long fingers dipping into the waist of them and tugging them down your legs until they catch around your knees from the way your thighs are spread out.

He eyes the tiny pastel orange panties you chose to wear, your entire outfit being carefully thought out for this exact moment and it makes him chuckle under his breath, he really had fallen right into your trap.

His fingers toy with your underwear, following the edge of it as it curves into your inner thighs, a shiver wracking through your body at the ticklish feeling, a slight detour being taken when his thumb presses into the damp patch decorating the front of it.

A wiggle of your eyebrows is sent his way when he eyes you teasingly, “Who would’ve thought you’d get this wet just thinking about me fucking you out in the open.”

“Please, I get soaked just thinking about you doing literally anything.”

He knew that much to be true, taking pride in being the main reason your panties were ruined.

Its not until the sound of people talking reaches his ears that he remembers he needs to hurry up, the idea of being caught was definitely hot but actually getting caught wasn’t so he once again grips your hips and turns you around.

Your heavy wheels clank against the ground at the change of position, your hands gripping the rough wall to keep you steady as he moves you, the rolling of your wheels only making him laugh.

“Uh, you’re gonna have to lean on your thingy to stop from rolling.”

“My toe stop?” You tease, putting pressure on your right foot to help stabilize you as he places a palm on your back, his fingers tracing the ties of your bikini top as he pushes you forward.

“Yes you smart ass.”

With you no longer rolling back onto him he deems himself ready to continue, his palms roaming over the smooth expanse of your exposed ass. You had clearly covered your entire body in that damn oil, not leaving a single area bare of the jasmine scented liquid which Taehyung had now decided was his new favorite thing.

“Hurry up and fuck me.” You whine out, your hips jutting further back, not at all expecting the swift slap he lands on your left cheek. His large palm swats against your skin so hard it bounces off the walls, the gasp getting stuck in your throat when everything falls into silence once more, half expecting someone to peek their head in from how loud it had been but it luckily never comes. He soothes your warm skin with his palm, kneading your flesh gently as he bit his lip.

“Gotta make sure you’re ready for me baby.” He scolds, his thumb hooking around your underwear and yanking it to the side, revealing your dripping slit to him. His other hand comes forward to let his fingers trail up your folds in a teasing motion, softly tracing up and around, not being able to resist teasing you further. When his index finger glides through your slick with ease his mouth drops open in awe, forever being prideful at the effect he has on you.

The small whine spills out of your lips when he slowly dips his finger in, enjoying the way your walls pulse around the tip of it before he pushes in to the hilt, starting a slow rhythm as he pulls out and thrusts back in, quickly adding a second finger and scissoring them inside of you to properly stretch you out for his cock.

“Mm Taehyung,” you sigh out, your head falling forward to rest against the cool wall as he continues to fuck you open. Each thrust of his long fingers has you keening, more of your arousal gushing out of you in excitement, becoming more and more desperate as he continues, “fuck I’m ready please.”

He playfully hums in thought from behind you, not entirely convinced two fingers would be enough for you to adjust to him. “I don’t think you are Y/N.”

The way your pussy clamps around his third finger when you feel the tip of a prod at your entrance proves his assumption correct, but he could take care of that. He knew you body well enough, having the motions down to a science. The way he curls his fingers, alternating between spreading them out and nudging against the sweet patch inside of you, it doesn’t take long until you’re fully relaxed in his hands, your hips rocking back into him at the feeling of being so full.

“There you go sweetheart,” he coos, his eyes slipping shut for a moment as he focuses on the wet thumping every time his palm hits your ass when he thrusts into you. The softest moans fill the otherwise silent alley, your fingers desperately clutching the wall, no doubt scraping your skin but that was a problem for later on, right now all you could think about was how amazing Taehyung’s fingers felt inside your cunt.

“Fuck, nngh please Tae.” You plead, twisting your body slightly to crane your head over your shoulder, hoping the clear desperation etched onto your features was enough to have him whip his cock out and fuck you like you wanted.

Your wide eyes glimmer with unshed tears from frustration and he takes pity on you, slipping his shiny fingers out of your pussy and popping them into his mouth like second nature. As if you needed him to do more to turn you on he has to go and lick your arousal off of his digits like it was his favorite candy.

“Okay,” he murmurs out, undoing his own shorts and yanking them down just enough for his cock to spring free. The visual of it out in the open almost makes those tears pool over, his large hand wrapping around the girth of it as he lazily pumps his aching length inches away from you, “you ready?” He questions, bringing his palm to his mouth to noisily spit into it, using it to lube up his cock as he steps closer to you.

“Yes.” You breathe out, rolling your lips together as you face the wall again, your head hanging low as you wait, your pussy clenching in anticipation.

Taehyung steps in between your legs, keeping them nice and spread apart, yanking your underwear to the side to reveal your sodden folds to him once more. He licks his lips over as he guides the head of his cock towards your entrance, the slight pressure of it pressing against you has you sighing out, gritting your teeth together to keep from shouting at him to hurry up.

Finally, he eases his way inside, his bulbous head breaching your entrance, the stretch that accompanies it beating the feel of his three fingers from before. This was what you wanted, his thick cock stretching you apart and filling you up the way he knew best.

Taehyung holds in a groan when your walls tighten around him when he bottoms out, his hips fully flushed against yours, the two of you panting as he stills inside of you.

“You okay?” He whispers, his fingers moving to grip your hips once more to help ground himself as he waits for a response from you. The sound of more people approaching has your walls pulsing around him and he groans, “Fuck, of course you’re okay. You fucking love this huh?”

A small whimper of his name is all you let out, the idea of being caught in the act making the words stick to your throat, instead you push back onto him, urging him to move.

Taehyung takes the hint, a smile gracing his face as he slowly inches back, beginning to rock into you in a steady rhythm, his pace increasing every time you let a tiny moan slip out from between your grit teeth, a small reward for being vocal because he wants you to let anyone listening know it was him making you feel good.

“Answer me baby.”

The squelching sounds of his dick hammering into you fill the air, the lewd moans finally leaving you with no qualms about who could possibly hear, “Fuck, yes I love it.”

He hums in appreciation, his hips fucking into you with more force at your admission, new determination settling inside of him to get you to fall apart, not an ounce of shame remains at getting caught.

Taehyunt can’t lie, he knows he loves it too, loves the way you’re letting him claim you in public, the way your moans echo in the space you’re in, your hand gripping the wall. A squeal leaves your lips, mixed in with a breathless laugh, when he angles his hips just right.

“Such a good girl,” he grunts out, gripping your hips tighter when you squeeze him, “letting me fuck you like this. Want everyone to see that you’re mine huh?”

One of his hands curls around your front, trailing up your body until he reaches your skimpy top. He yanks the fabric of your bikini to the side, his palm squeezing a handful of your tits as he continues to thrust into you, the coolness of his palm contrasting with the warmth of your chest.

“Just yours, only yours.” You slur out, your brain turning into putty when his dick curves just right. The way his hand squeezes and tugs at your exposed nipple has your mind spinning, your body being jostled by his thrusts and in turn making the foot that remains flat on the floor roll back and forth from the force.

“Ah, baby,” he laughs as his fingers pinch your pebbled nipple, hearing a small hum in response from you, “you’re rolling again.”

Taehyung slows his thrusts, rocking in to you more calmly as you grunt in frustration, neither of you took into account how inconvenient fucking in roller skates would be.

“My calves are cramping from holding my feet like this.” You admit with a laugh, feeling Taehyung lean his head forward until it rested in the juncture of your neck, his soft breaths hitting your skin as he chuckled.

“Okay, here bring them down flat.” He guides you, holding you steady as you even out the weight on your skates, a tiny yelp escaping you when you begin to roll down on the uneven alley floor. Taehyung repositions his feet to rest right behind the skates to keep you from sliding further, an experimental thrust of his hips being sent your way to test the hold, “Better?”

When you no longer roll back, just bump forward slightly, you sigh in relief, “Yeah, so much better. C’mon keep fucking me.” You plead, your palm coming down to wrap around the hand currently groping your tits, urging him on and he listens.

“Whatever you want baby.” He mumbles against your skin, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder as he pulls his hips back, rearing forward in a brutal pace that has you nearly shouting out. Your body hunches forward more freely now, no longer afraid of rolling away, instead your hand slides down the rough wall as you moan out his name.

His eyes catch on to the way you’re soaking his cock, leaving it slick and shiny with your arousal each time he pulls out. Taehyung feels like his mind is swimming, the whines of his name and the way you rut your hips back on him is the only anchor keeping him in the present.

He releases your nipple, trailing the hand down your front until it dips past your underwear and reaches your clit. Your reaction is instant, a loud gasp filling the air as your walls clamp down at the stimulation when he begins to rub tight circles on your sensitive nub.

“Oh god Taehyung,” you cry out, placing both hands on the wall and throwing your head back in pleasure, “you always fuck me so good.”

He grunts at your confession, the slight ego boost inflating his chest, the tiny licks of pleasure curling in his gut as he feels his release approaching, “Mm yeah? You’re creaming my cock baby, you enjoying yourself?”

Taehyung marvels at the way your back arches further, focusing on the way your ass bounces with every thrust of his hips and he can’t help himself when he delivers another harsh smack onto one of your cheeks, watching as the skin ripples and smarts at the slap.

“Ah,” you mewl, the sting of his palm sending tingles of pleasure up your spine. Your velvety walls pulse around him, always one to enjoy a little pain with your pleasure, “yes! F-fuck, I’m close Tae.”

He can tell, the way you’re sucking him in further every time he pulls out, desperate to keep him buried to the hilt, “You gonna cum like this? Gonna let everyone hear what a filthy girl you are?”

The taunting tone of his voice has your stomach tightening, the small coil of pleasure winding up inside of you with every roll of his hips, every deliberate flick of his finger against your clit. Your head turns to the side, having a clear view of the opening of the alley way, seeing the occasional person walking by. You never thought you’d enjoy the thrill of this as much as you did but the oncoming release you feel is evidence enough that you were thoroughly enjoying yourself.

“C’mon baby, let everyone hear you.” He groans out, a smile gracing his face when he hears the way you instantly do as he says, lewd moans of his name bouncing off the wall as you edge closer to your release. “Good girl.”

Your walls spasm around his cock at the praise, a few more flicks of his finger paired with his length expertly hitting your g spot every time is all it takes for your orgasm to crash over you. Your head falls forward, your mouth dropping open in a silent moan as your mind momentarily blanks, every nerve in your body lighting up as you come undone.

“Oh fuck–“ your moan dies in your throat when your body tenses up, small shocks coursing through you as he continues to roll your clit, enjoying the small twitches your body gives him.

Taehyung gasps when your walls tighten even further around him, his hand retreating from your clit to firmly grasp your hips to continue fucking you through it, seeking his own release now, grunt of pleasure escaping his open mouth and reaching your ears.

“Shit,” the rhythmic pulsing of your pussy is what sends him over, his thrusts getting sloppier until hes surging forward, his cock twitching as he pumps his hot cum inside of you, filling you up to the brim with a sigh of your name.

Your forehead rests against the cold wall as you try to catch your breath, the pounding of your heart can be felt in your ears as you come down. The breathy moans of Taehyung get closer as he tucks his chin over your shoulder, still buried deep inside of you.

“That was...so fucking hot.” He confesses, a wide smile spreading across his face when he feels your body vibrate with laughter.Carefully, he slides out of you, the both of you groaning at the loss of contact.

When Taehyung pulls away and slips his softening length back into his shorts, his eyes stay glued to the way his cum coats your folds, slowly dripping out of you. That was totally unacceptable so he gathers some of it onto his fingers and stuffs it back inside you before he readjusts your underwear to fully cover you, sliding your shorts back up your legs and helping you spin back around, readjusting your top with a grin.

“My legs feel like jello.” You admit when your balance falters, Taehyung having to grip your hips tighter to keep you from toppling over onto the gross floor.

“What can I say, my dicks just that good.”

He dodges the smack he knows is coming, a deep laughing filling the air as he ducks away from you, laughing louder when your horrible aim makes you wobble around.

“Tae!” You whine, an adorable pout on your face when he only laughs some more. Your arms cross over your chest as you stare at him with a slight scowl, “Help me.”

The smile on his face softens as he looks down at you, his hands trailing along your arms to unfold them and gently clasp his fingers around yours. “Of course I’ll help you baby.”

That satisfies you, standing up straighter now that he had a hold of you, “You think we can make it to the car without either of us face planting it?”

His eyes narrow in thought, the odds really weren’t in either of your favor but an idea pops into his mind, the curl of his lips indicating just how evil he was but you miss it, too focused on not catching your wheel on a pebble. Your legs were once again reminiscent of bambi and as much as he acted like he was unaffected, blowing his load in you had made his own legs feel boneless too.

“I mean, if we fall at least we fall together?”

Right, that seemed to be the best outcome but it was fine by you and way better than the two of you staying in this dingy alley way for much longer.

He leads you out of the alley, bending forward to pick up his discarded board before exiting the hiding spot and reentering the real world. It feels like you hadn’t seen the sunlight in ages, your eyesight spotting for a second before you adjusted to the brightness of your surroundings.

Taehyung uses that to his advantage, placing his board back on the floor as he stares at you, not yet noticing that he had let your hand go because the sun was absolutely blinding.

“I’ll race you to the car.” He shouts out, not giving you a moment to respond or argue about it before he hops onto his board and takes off, his foot pushing off the floor in a haste to win.

Your mouth drops open when you see him bolt, your brows furrowing tightly on your forehead, in disbelief that he had abandoned you after claiming he’d help you, “Asshole!” You shout after him, missing the way he smiles when the words reach his ears. With that comes the scraping of your own wheels as you take off after him, a small grimace on your face when you feel the way your ruined underwear sticks to your skin.

Soon enough you’re speeding right past him, your hair flowing behind you and the muscles on your legs flexing from the force of your pushes. Taehyung lets out another loud laugh, a change of position from earlier, this time you had fallen into his trap and everything was going according to plan. With you now a few feet ahead of him Taehyung can freely ogle at your body without a care in the world.

Checkmate.

#btsghostie #btswritingcafe #bts smut #taehyung smut #tae smut #taehyung fluff #bts imagine #bts writing #kim taehyung

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tenshindon · 3 years

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Different anon but you know what else is genuinely total bs? Yamcha beat that saibaman!! He beat it with barely any scratches!! Sure he pulled out a kamehameha which is seen at times to be a big weapon but he still won easily and was even willing to take on more! Not to mention he's an actual genius since he developed a move thats a literal ball of energy that he freely moves around! piccolo only had a move kinda similar to that after yamcha displayed his! People regard both these fights as his worst moments yet only because they see the outcome and never the progress he actually made! He was literally stronger than Goku and Piccolo when they first fought Raditz, and that may not have even been his full power! Man. Damn you tfs I'll never forgive thy

I have a lot of feelings about the saiyan saga but of course Yamcha’s death is a big part of it for me- that’s a post for another day though entirely. Yamcha’s fight with the saibaman was probably one of the best ways DBZ could have shown one of his biggest weaknesses: his overconfidence. The only thing that prevented him from completely winning the fight was ensuring the saibaman was actually down- but because he was so sure of himself, he was blind sighted and the rest is history. It’s lame that instead of that moment being taken as a point of where yamcha realizes he probably has to change how he thinks from henceforth, it’s just constantly played up for laughs and is cemented in infamy

A thing it feels like everyone forgets is that not only did goku need to sacrifice himself for raditz to be defeated- just narrowly at that, but it was stated that the saibaman were about- if not a tad stronger- than raditz. The fact tien, krillin, and yamcha had relatively no issues whatsoever in clearing them out lends great insight as to how far all of them had come in training, and its a shame that’s forgotten real easily

The spirit ball is a whole new ball park in its own right. In concept, it really is like a tiny spirit bomb: both attacks gather surround ki. It just so happens that due to its size, the spirit ball is more versatile- not to mention yamcha can dictate whenever it explodes once he’s done with it. Not to mention he smacked god with the thing like should champ get points for that.

#long post #snap chats #everything hurts and I’m tired so I’m prob not as articulate and clear headed as I could be 🤧#but like the saiyan saga as a whole is overlooked in how far tien yamcha and krillin has come in their training #spirit ball sick as fuck I still stand by it being my favorite technique

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a-reasonforthoughts · 4 years

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My thoughts on the Rise of Skywalker, because quarantine forced me to finally watch it. !!!!Spoilers!!!!!

Growing up, Star Wars was my childhood. My sisters and I read all the books (including the comics) and we packed the Essential Guides with us everywhere. Because for our deep love of the Extended universe, when the last few movies came out we had... mixed emotions. I didn’t even see the last movie when it came out after hearing some less than stellar reviews. So here’s my review, or rather my reactions to the Rise of Skywalker. (Yes, I actually sat down with paper and pen and watched this movie.) Title craw: The DIABOLICAL First Order.

‘The Emperor has returned.’ Wow, the are expecting us to go along with a lot aren’t they.

Cool. Kylo wrecking everything.

Yay, a planet that isn’t snow, desert, or forest. Hold on tight kids, they’re throwing us right into this one. We’re already at Palpatine’s house. Ew. Whats with the tank?

Whoa eyes! What’s up with his lips? Can someone bring this fossil a drink?

Imperial March playing while a Star Destroyer rises in the back ground. Is this Vader’s old ship? Rey is “Not who we thought she is.” Thought she was “Nothing”?

Ew, what is Klaud, and why is he here?

Who are all these people on the Falcon? “How do we thank you?” “Win the war.” aren’t you all on the same team? Why do you need to thank him? Cool, another planet thats not snow, desert, or a forest. Never mind.

Oh great, Rey’s here. Looks like the Lightsaber is fixed. I know the names of a bunch of these plants! When Luke was training with the ball thing (Training remote) he was just trying to deflect the shots. Rey’s trying to take down the whole forest.

You sure you want to destroy that thing Rey? There can’t be to many of them laying around Who are all these people? Why’s the Falcon on FIRE?! Since when is “Light-speed skip” a thing? Seriously. Who are all these people? I thought after the last movie there was only like, 10 of them left. Hey! It’s Merry from Lord of the Rings!

What’s this old orange doing here?

“Sith Way-finder” Sigh. Are Poe and Rey a “thing”? Are Finn and Rey a “thing”? Why’s everyone here but R2? There he is. Why did they not bring him?!

Now I’m watching a Planet of the Apes crossover.

That guy who was on the same team is dead now. His blood is clear so the rating doesn't go up. Well, Hux is certainly different.

Someone must have taken his hair gel because his hair was never this poofy before. Is this a Holi Festival, or Burning man.

Why are we learning the name of this random kid? Rey just walked away from her, what was that? Yay! The force link is still there!

Kylo is giving off stalker vibes. It’s nice to see him growing into his role of Supreme Leader. Looks like everyone hates him. Wait- Who is this guy?! Why are they following a stranger!

It’s LANDO Oh, so Rey know’s who Lando is, but thought Luke was a myth. Makes sense. Boom. First order is here.

Lando: “My flying days are over.” Why? “Give Leia my love.” Ew. Wait, why is Lando out here? Did Luke just leave him? He said he came here with him. Has the emotional issues of being abandoned by Luke led him to never fly again? Is this a parallel story to Rey’s abandonment? What’s the motive here movie! They made it even harder for these Storm Troopers to see out of those helmets.

3PO is getting a lot of lines. Rey *is distracted* Ship *Blows up* Now they have sinking sand. WAS THAT ALMOST A CONFESSION?! This guy just says, “The Falcon is not responding.” when asked, and they’re like “Don’t be such a downer!” Oh yay, they survived. Kay, we’re just brushing over Finn’s almost confession. I’m sure they’ll come back to that later. *Cough* Okay, that flashlight bit was funny.

How do you know that’s the guy you’re looking for? That could be anybody’s skeleton! How’d they find a knife that neither Luke, or Lando (who might have been here for 20 years) could find! Rey’s making friend’s with the basilisk.

She just transferred some of her life force to the snake! Why!? This old ship they found in the desert still works. “Chewie, tell Rey we got to go!” Why can’t you do it? You’re not doing anything. Axe. Here comes lover boy. How to Breathe, the movie, by Rey.

Trailer shot.

Was he just gonna run her over?

Cool, she’s pulling the ship out of the sky. Uh oh, helmet’s off, there goes her focus.

Now they’re playing tug-a-war with the ship. It’s the light saber fight all over again. Whoa!!! She juST LIGHTING’D THE SHIP! Kylo Looked freaked out for a second! She just told Finn she had a vision of her and Kylo together, and he looks like he’s gonna cry. 3PO tells them how horrible and dangerous it is to override a droid’s programming. “Let’s do that!” That droid looks like a yoga wheel and a hairdryer.

Rey to the new droid: “Someone treated him badly. It’s alright, you’re with us now.” Yeah, just don’t watch what we’re about to do to this other droid.

Looks like we’re adding another girl to this love triangle (hexagon?) She’s not supposed to be a Mandalorian is she. (So help me-) I hate you and I’m going to turn you in *Hit’s her over the head and pulls out a lightsaber* Okay, lets go.

Why they so mad at Poe for being a smuggler? Wow. They are forcing C-3PO to do this. Backup his memory to the hairdryer! It’s got to have a reason for being here! C-3PO “Oh! I just had an idea of something else we could try-” ZAP! ...Was that supposed to be funny? These writers need to learn what humor is, and when to use it. Why are we focusing on Poe and his old girlfriend the Power Ranger? Wah! What’s up with 3PO’s eye’s? Is he a Sith droid now? Why does he have that function?!

Rey, you’re boyfriend’s here. They wiped 3PO’s memory and he doesn’t know who anyone is, but he’s still polite. Poe angrily points “That’s gonna be a problem!” Our heroes ladies and gentleman. I hope the First Order just blast them. That Admiral’s badge just let them in? Like no one reported that missing?? Wiped 3PO’s memory and they’re getting the dagger anyway. Worst rescue ever.

Vaders Helmet has had a hard life. Rey has a vision in every scene she's in.

More ‘Rey’s family history’ with Kylo “Tell me where you are,” She’s in your room dude.

R.IP. Vader Helmet

That Stormtrooper behind Kylo must be so confused. *Sees helmet, breaks link* “She’s in my quarters!” Told you so. Why is Hux the spy? When did this happen? What does he think the outcome of this will be?

3PO just wandering the halls with a crossbow.

“You are a Palpatine.” Wanna be a Solo? Is this like his fourth proposal? OooooOOOOooo, that was cool! Kylo standing in the blast of the Falcon’s engines was a moment we needed!

Yikes! They took out Hux fast! They didn’t want to question him or anything? No?

The Death Star was blasted to smithereens, why is it here? How is it here?

They made that dagger to line up with the wreckage? I’m pretty sure things that are constantly beat by the ocean will move or erode over time. Who even made that? What was the purpose?!

Yay, another scavenger Who’s also a ex-Stormtrooper, because why not.

That’s a horse covered in a rug. Rey’s out trying to kill herself again.

“There’s another Skimmer!” Wonder who that is. He is literally following her to the ends of the galaxy.

Wait- The throne rooms still in one piece?! The chair and everything?!!! Dark Rey- YIKES! TEETH

I thought he stopped the holocron with his foot, I was really surprised when fingers formed and he picked it up.

Kylo acting so cool as she’s trying to slash him to ribbons. I see Merry again! Wait- What’s Leia got to do? And why does Maz know? They’ve never explained what this strange orange is and what she can do.

Finn’s in deep- Wait how'd he get out here?????

Leia don’t distract your son while he’s fighting for his life!

SEE!!!!!!!

“I wanted to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” You think he’s going to leave you alone after that?

Why is Rey just a total mess in every movie.

Chewie mourning Leia is a good touch. It’s nice to see the reaction of someone who ACTUALLY knew her. Whoa! They got Harrison Ford to come back! That must have taken a lot of bribery (or blackmail).

Has almost dying given Kylo/Ben the power to see non-Force user ghost, or is he just going nuts? So this is just a rehash of Han’s death scene.

Aw, he called him Dad- Hey don’t throw that away, you need that!

He’s nuts. Those red helmets look stupid. Aaaaand it’s the Death Star again Merry in the background! Why’d they make Poe the General? Lando finally got off that planet

“General.” “General.” She’s burning his ship. Good luck Kylo/Ben.

You know how hot that fire has got to be to burn metal “A Jedi weapon should be treated with more respect.” You brat.

Why did he have Leia’s lightsaber here? “...it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.” Oooookay, but why not just have her take Luke’s old Saber? It’s gotta be laying around here somewhere.

I know it’s symbolic and all that he’s raising the x-wing, but there’s no way that thing still works.

Alright, 3PO’s memories are back. Why’d we have to go through all that? I spy Merry again! How does Poe know all this stuff about Exogol? He’s just a fountain of information over here!

“Now we take the war to them!” That’s literally what you’ve done every movie ever No one is questioning how Lando got here. Isn’t this a secret base? *Dr. Evil voice* ONE MILLION STAR DESTROYERS

Who even wrote this story line? Finn’s going with his gut and everyones just going along with it. Not like you could all die or anything. They brought the rug horses with them

How are they breathing in space!? Those red troopers still look stupid.

What’s this crowd chanting? Are they speaking Parseltoungue? “I never wanted you dead.” That’s why I told Kylo Ren to kill you.

Hang on- his plan is ‘You be the empress, and I’ll just possess you. Grandaughter.’ EW. Why would she want that? How is that a tempting offer? Someone’s gone senile. Direct quote: “I got to go do something!” “I’m coming with you!” Why do these people get attached so quickly?!

“Luke was saved by his father. The only family you have here is me.” Yeah, but I got a boyfriend who follows me everywhere!

Ben runs and jumps: “Ow.” We finally get to see the Knight’s of Ren in action! (Where have they been this whole time?) “Once you kill me I shall become apart of you!” So she could just, not kill him. Right? Oh yeah, here we go, now we got a showdown!

Well, that was anticlimactic

WHAT IS HAPPENING Poe just realized he's the worst General ever.

YO. Don’t tell your troops there is no hope! What is wrong with you??? Why isn't Lando the General? He is a lot more qualified!!!

Wait a minute!! Where were all these people when LEIA ORGANA called for help????

Wedge Antilles!!!!!! So all the life force sucking was just so Palpatine could up grade his outfit? *Flings Ben into a pit* Palpatine is so done with the Skywalkers Hey, I know these voices!!!! Aaaaand now he wants to kill her. So whats our big moment? TWO lightsabers!

Why did the make that the big epic moment? Why didn’t they have Ben run over and they do it together- It would have been perfect for his story arch! Rey: “And we” Together: “are all the Jedi!” Now she's dying. Why? Not even the writers know So Finn’s Force sensitive. Cool I guess? This is a really touching moment for them, even more so if they did anything other than fight this entire movie!

This kinda feels out of nowhere

I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW

NOW SHE’S SMILING AND FINE. HE JUST DIED Merry’s here again and I can’t even be happy about it Now Finn has to chose between Rose and the new girl Poe’s trying to start something with his Power Ranger old flame, and she's like “Not a chance.” Now everything’s all happy like BEN DIDN’T JUST DIE. ARE WE NOT GOING TO ADDRESS THIS?????????? Oh hey, it’s the Lars farm. Nobody else moved in after all these years? Now she's burying the Skywalker lightsabers in the place they all hated.

WHY IS BEN NOT HERE!!!!!!! HE WAS A MAIN CHARACTER FOR THESE MOVIES AND THEY DID HIM DIRTY!!!!!!

Well I guess they had to wrap this mess up somehow

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violentviolette · 5 years

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So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others.

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

#bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou headcanons #bakugou katsuki headcanons #bnha headcanons #jack.speaks #anon #god i really did write a novel #im almost ashamed #almost

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kirbyfanclub · 5 years

Text

i have a lot of thoughts but in SHORT before i ramble: i LOVED wayward son. the reviews on this site are valid, of course. but i believe they are somewhat misleading to the objective contents of the book, or at least, how i interpreted them. going to put this under a read more because it got long, but what can i say! i’m passionate about this story and i dont want people to get too discouraged without hearing a few different sides.

vague content spoilers!!: the book is not about their love story, nor is it about a fun friendly road trip. it may have been advertised as that, i dont really know. but it isnt. it’s an exploration of vampirism in this world, and magic outside of london. it’s focus is worldbuilding and i LOVE that. worldbuilding rocks. and i think this did a really great job with it. im excited to hear more about this world.

now, on the relationship, which seems to be the biggest point of contenion. i’d like to start by saying i’m doing my best to be objective here. i am a lesbian and the original carry on was PIVOTAL in my journey of self-acceptance. so im not going to bs about whether or not this book lived up to the representation it could offer. there is no abusive relationship. a lack of communication (which is, truly, the only present issue in their relationship itself) between young, inexperienced people does not equal emotional abuse. baz and simon both CLEARLY love each other deeply, this is constantly reestablished. its just delicate. they’re new to relationships, they’re young, they're HURT. they were pitted against each other their whole lives. they aren’t going to slip immediately into domestic bliss. no relationship will, trauma and magic be damned. there is miscommunication, but more so due to unwillingness to face the possible worst outcome and the fact that their relationship is not the forefront of this story. theyre together, and they are in love, but this isn't a fluff piece, it's a life piece. its not just about theyre love, its about their life after disaster. in a less objective view: i honestly prefer this. what i find healing about carry on and wayward son isn’t a perpetually happy same-sex relationship, it’s a relationship complex and human enough that i could imagine it for myself. i love seeing how, despite simon’s depression and insecurity, they still manage to find comfort in each other. thats real. thats what i think love is. it’s getting through hard things together, not never having hard things.

its completely, COMPLETELY valid and respectable to want a happy-go-lucky, picture book romance featuring a same-sex couple. i want to emphasize that. we need those stories too. absolutely. but that wasn't what carry on had to offer in the first place, and i think it’s a little unfair to expect it of its sequel.

on a slightly different note: while the book wasn’t focused only on their relationship, it DID have a huge focus on the friendship between all four main characters. i thought penny and baz’s friendship was DELIGHTFUL, and easily one of my favorite parts of the book. he loves her a lot, and that is not something i was expecting! but its absolutely not unwelcome. i really love how penny and agatha also grew to appreciate each other so much more.

on the topic of agatha: agatha was possibly the star of this book, alongside baz. she was suffocated with simon. without him, she grew exponentially. she’s witty and funny and smart in an endearingly relatable cynical way (a lot like baz, now that i think of it.). i loved seeing her shine in this book. i’m glad she was allowed to.

about the actual road trip: they there are many moments of road tripping fun! they do some sightseeing, there is a PRECIOUS scene where they go to a renaissance faire. it doesnt end very well, but they have a good time while it lasts. it wasn't primarily about the road trip, but that's what 50 chapter fluff fics are for, not so much actual fantasy novels. i also saw some complaints that rowell wrote america too racist and rude, but. as an american. that is what america is like unfortunately jkshfsjd

anyways. the plot itself got a little rushed here and there, but thats just writing. not even pace will work, and not every author will be able to make a satisfying payoff for every reader. personally i didnt mind too much about it being rushed because i’m a character and lore driven reader, and those were both abundant but fully understandable for it to be a let down!

as i see it? carry on was simon’s denial and anger, his confusion about life and the battle against trauma. wayward son is his bargaining and depression, working through said trauma, even if its ineffective. whatever this third book is? that will be his acceptance, and if rowell knows how to complete a good story (which she does) his self-actualization.

TDLR: i really liked wayward son, and you don’t have to! not at all! but please don't claim it to be what it isn’t. its a book about (magical) life after trauma, featuring realistically complex gay characters in a fresh and unstable, but dedicated, relationship. it isn't ruining an otp, it's developing them into real people. it’s a bit sad, but sadness is needed to appreciate happiness. thanks for reading <3 here's to the sequel to the sequel!

#carry on #snowbaz #rainbow rowell #wayward son meta #wayward son review #wayward son #carry on meta #simon snow #penelope bunce #agatha wellbelove #baz pitch #txt

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saturnmyg · 6 years

Text

The devil wears givenchy (1) | Min Yoongi

❝ You’re a therapist who one day gets a call from someone who claims to be satan asking for an appointment. On the day of the appointment you expect to see a teenager or someone in their mid twenties instead you’re met with a man in a screaming red suit whose hair and eyes are as dark as the night but with an attitude of a spoiled brat, he surely cant be satan. ❞

➵ paring: Satan! Yoongi x Therapist reader

➵ author’s note: im excited for this series to start so i hope yall like it, also the question yn asks are question therapist have asked me on the first counselling session this is all based on experience.

➵ requested by : no one

| warnings in this chapter : cursing, mention of death

Masterlist

@minyoonjiswifey

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

‘’Miss Y/n’’

A deep voice followed by a knock rips you out of your thoughts and you look over to the door. The office's secretary Mr Kim stands there holding a planner in his hand

‘’There was a request or should i say a demand for a counseling session’’ Kim continues brows furrowing together telling you that he's mildly annoyed ‘’by someone claiming to be satan’’

‘’Excuse me what?’’ you fully turn towards secretary Kim with raised eyebrows.

‘’As i said he claimed to-’’

‘’No i understood that’’ you interrupt waving your hand dismissively ‘’did you ask what his real name is?’’

‘’I did-’’ Kim answers monotone ‘’- he said mortals shall call him Min Yoongi. i set an appointment this friday five o'clock’’

‘’Alright thank you for notifying me’’ you smile at the stoic man who just nods in reply, bows slightly and walks out of your office.

Mr Kim is.. a peculiar person. He's a man of a few words with an expressionless yet handsome face and mouse grey dyed hair thats most of the times slicked back. Though when finally does decide to talk, he tells the wildest stories that often gives you a whiplash.He's also an undefeated champion when it comes to giving backhanded compliments or at least they seem to be.

You'd think working together for almost nine years you'd be used to him.

Thats right, its been nine years since you started working as a therapist. You've always had an affinity to listening to other peoples concerns and to look at the problem objectively without it affecting you. Its funny though that you ended up in this profession. The past you was.. wild, especially during college. Don't get it wrong it wasn't that you were out partying all time but you and your group of friends were up to no good.

Your family was very poor when your mother was still alive. She loved gambling and spending her money on alcohol to the point where you had no food left at home. Which meant that fourteen years old you had to work, at a strip club as waitress. Not the best place for a minor to be considering the leeching looks the people sometimes threw at you but fortunately one of the security guys always looked out for you. until one day a sleazy looking man gave you his business card saying that he was looking for someone who'd be able to deliver stuff for him. Of course you were weary but the promise of a paycheck that was three times higher than the one you were already earning was too good of an opportunity to let it slip past you.

And thats basically how you became a drug dealer and how you met your friends who were either also working for your ex boss or working for his friend who often had his folks deliver drugs to your boss. Of course that slowed down the moment you became a senior. You started studying and participating in class more, the pressure of finding a socially accepted job after college weighing on your shoulder like a huge rock. You and some of your friends completely stopped dealing when graduation was nearing and your boss thankfully let you go but offered that the there would be always a spot open for you if you ever needed it.

Shaking your head you chuckle slightly and turn back to the computer. You've met countless types of people but no one ever has introduced themselves as satan. You're intrigued in finding out what type of person your client is going to be.

Shutting off the laptop you stand up from the table, take your jacket and put it on. Flickering off the lights you turn around and give your office a last glance before you exit out of the room. Walking down the pristine hallway towards where the reception you fumble with your car keys lost in your thoughts. Arriving at the entrance you see Secretary Kim sitting behind the computer typing something at a fast speed. Walking up to the reception table you knock on the dark hard wood a few times ‘’I'm clocking off’’

Secretary Kim looks up from the computer and nods curtly, the glasses sitting low on his nose bridge, before immersing himself in whatever he was doing before and you let out a small sigh

‘’don’t stay too long’’ you warn him and leave the office.

Standing in front of the elevator you hum a quiet tune waiting for the doors to open. A few seconds later a quiet ping indicates that the elevator has arrived at your level and the doors open. Surprised you see a tall man wearing a black coat with a book in his hand

‘’Ah good evening Y/n’’ The man greets you as you walk into the elevator, dimples poking out of his cheeks.

‘’Its already night Namjoon’’ you greet back with a small chuckle.

Namjoon works at the dental praxis that is one floor above you so you constantly run into each other. He's playful man who most of the times has a mischievous glint in his eyes yet from what you've seen is very serious about his job. Another thing is he's quite popular, even amongst your own coworker alongside with secretary Kim. But with those looks who wouldn't be, tan skin with deep dimples and voice, beautiful thick hair and legs so long they belong on a runway. Plus he got the brains too, he's what you call a total package, anyone would be drooling for him.

Namjoon reaches over and presses the button ‘’since its only 07:55pm its still evening’’

‘’Semantics’’ you reply with an eye roll and namjoon just chuckles. A comfortable hush falls over the both of you and you take out your phone. Your'e so immersed in looking at your schedule that you dont notice that the doors have opened. Namjoon nudges you and you snap out of it, bashfully you tuck your phone back into your pocket and walks towards the building's entrance.

‘’See you Y/n’’ Namjoon turns around smiles, his eyes turn into crescents.

‘’Bye’’ you wave and you both part ways. Taking your scarf out of the purse, you wrap it around your neck before tugging the jacket closer to your body. Winter has finally settled and you're overjoyed. You love November, you love how the city smells of cinnamon and mulled wine. How around every corner you can hear people already singing Christmas carols and how everyone just looks so happy.

Besides Christmas you love winter nights, specifically nights where you wake up at three in the morning to pee and you look outside to find freshly fallen snow. The snow making the environment look brighter and slightly alienating, kind of as if you live in a picture. Yet for whatever reasons that sight makes your bed seem more comfortable and warm.

Scurrying across the parking lot you take out your keys and unlock the vehicle. Quickly you get into it and slam the door behind you. Throwing your purse on the passenger seat you plug your phone in, scroll through Spotify till you find your playlist and press play. A smooth melody with a deep bass vibrates through the car as you're backing out of the parking spot and you quietly hum along.

The only thing about winter you don’t really like is driving on the iced street. Along with the lingering paranoia that any car could lose control and crash into yours.

Thats a bad habit of yours, imagining the worst possible outcomes of any situation. You could be walking down the stairs and suddenly you'll think about how you could fall down, hit your head and die instantly cause your neck snapped. So most of your rides are filled with anxiety and extreme caution.

Sighing slightly you shake your head before focusing back on the road.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

Unlocking the door you enter you home, take off your shoes off. Walking down the hallway into the living room you throw your jacket onto the gray couch and grab the remote control. Turning on the tv you continue to walk into the kitchen.

Your kitchen is pretty nice though, black tiles decorating the wall along with white and gray cabinets. As a matter of fact you decorated your place only with monochrome colors, to the point where even your dishes match the look you're going for. The plants that are widespread throughout the apartment finishes the look with a splash of green color.

To be honest, you've been meaning to change the color scheme but you're either are too lazy or too busy to do so. Maybe its cause you've gotten older but often times the colors make you feel alienating, kind of the same feeling you get when you enter an apple store. Future-esque but not homely or welcoming.

Opening the refrigerator you groan at the sight, slamming the fridge shut you notice the post on note. ''buy groceries!'' it says in bright red cursive letters. Great, whats the point of using post on notes when you don't even see them cause apparently now you're blind.

Grimacing your reach over to the house phone hanging on the wall corner that separates the kitchen and living room, and dial the pizzeria's number. The phone rings a few times until it clicks

‘’Dio's pizzeria how can i help you?’’ asks a lazy voice.

You give them your order and address and they tell you that the pizza should arrive in thirty minutes. Hanging up the phone you walk out of the kitchen, down the hallway into your room.

Your bedroom just like the rest of the apartment is decked out in the same monochromic colors , even your sheets and pillows match. Hanging on your wall are cute pictures of your college friends that you try to meet up at least once a week. Overall the room has a nice feeling to it but if the pictures weren't there no one could tell that this room belongs to you.

Putting the light on you stop in your tracks. Something is off, you cant really pin point what but it feels like someone was in your bedroom when you weren't home. Looking at the pictures on the wall you see that they're all intact and untouched. Walking towards the desk you carefully look at the papers and other items, wondering if you truly left your desk this disorganized.

With quiet steps you walk to the closet and take out your pajamas and scurry out of the room. ''What is this , final destination?' you mutter under your breath and enter the bathroom. Feeling like someone is watching you quickly undress and jump into the shower.

After serenading several songs you remember that the pizza should be arriving any minute you jump out of the shower and dry yourself with a fluffy towel you bought a few months ago. As you're wrapping the towel around your head you hear the doorbell ring so you walk out of the bathroom, take your purse out of the bag that you left in the hallway and open the door.

In front of you stands a boy that looks like he's in his early twenties. Tall, with honey dipped tan skin and Dark hair that reaches the tip of his chin. A face that's so flawless you're sure he was sculpted by god himself. Yet the longer you stare at him the more its off putting. Kind of like how the longer you look into the mirror the more grotesque you think the reflection has become. His eyes is what makes the alarm bells ring in your head. They're big and dark but soulless to the point where for a second you think a other worldly being stands in front of you.

‘’One prosciutto e funghi pizza for Y/n?’’ He asks his voice deep and you notice that his canines are unusually pointy.

‘’Thats me’’ you answer , take the pizza. As you're handing him the money, your finger tips graze the palm of his cold hand a electric shock goes through your body.

‘’Always be careful to not touch supernatural beings’’ a vague memory of an old woman flashes through your head and you quickly retract your hand, clutching it against your chest.

The delivery boy who stiffed up at the skin contact, hastily takes a step back, runs his fingers through his hair , acting nonchalant but his eyes are still wide. ''Have a nice day'' he says, his smile even more menacing than before and it sends a shiver up your spine.

You nod slowly, and he turns around and leaves. Your eyes following his back until he walks down the stairs and you cant see him anymore , before you walk back into your home and close the door. Walking into the living room you put the pizza on the small table by the couch and you sit down.

‘’Its just paranoia’’ you mutter, reach over and take a piece out of the carton. ''Is it though? you ask yourself while biting into the food. You're not sure why you even had such a flashback earlier and why your grandma was in it. As much as you know she's was an ordinary old sweet lady who loved spoiling her grandchild, though there is a big junk of your memory missing due to an incident that happened when you were a child.

Shaking your head you decide to worry about it when the time comes and try to enjoy the rest of the night.

‘’How could you do this to me?’’ the woman on tv cries and you scrunch your nose. The acting is horrible, similar to how the late eighties movie were, over dramatic with a lousy plot and weird sense of humor. Taking the remote control, you take a bite off the pizza and switch the channel.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

Annoyed Yoongi sits in the waiting room, tapping his fingers against his thigh rhythmically. He's only here because his advisor- Jimin basically blackmailed him to go to therapy, which in yoongi's eyes is ridiculous. As a matter of fact , Yoongi had rolled his eyes when jimin came up with the proposition. He doesn't need therapy he's perfectly fine but according to Jimin ,yoongi is brash, pompous and needs a ''reality'' check. Yoongi thinks jimin is only saying that because of the way he treats his employees. Sure he's a hard-to- please- boss and likes to nitpick at everything, he is satan after all but he has seen human's who were in his position treat their employees way worse than he does.

Yet here he is, sitting in the waiting room in a uncomfortable chair while starring at the white eggshell wall that's decorated with various framed pop art posters. The atmosphere heavy reminding yoongi of the dread of lost souls and he wants to smack his head against the wall. The tapping on his thigh speeds up , making the small thumping sound echo through the room and the man sitting opposite of yoongi shoots hime a glare. Before yoongi can retaliate the door opens and you step into the room.

‘’Min Yoongi?’’

Yoongi stand up and fixes his blazer and walks towards you.

The first thing you notice about the Yoongi is the suit he's wearing. The red is so bright it makes you want to gauge your eyes out, you cant fathom for the life of you why someone would wear that color but then again secretary Kim did tell you that the person on the phone was strange. The suit though fits his form quite and goes well with the white turtleneck that he's wearing underneath the blazer.

‘’That's me’’Yoongi replies, stretching out his hand.

‘’Y/n’’ you take his hand into yours and shake it briefly. The second thing you notice is how deep yet slightly nasal his voice is, which matches his image impeccably.

‘’Please follow me’’ you say and turn around to walk down the hallway with yoongi on your heel. Opening your office door you step aside and let him enter the room first. ‘’Would you like something to drink?’’ you ask walking over to the coffee machine standing on top of the gray table thats by the wall.

‘’Coffee, black’’ Yoongi curtly answers, while looking around the room before sitting down on the arm chair.

Yoongi feels uncomfortable. Theres this weird feeling in his gut that started the moment his skin touched yours and that feeling only got stronger when he walked into your office. Your office looks like any normal office would look, white walls also decorated with the same overrated pop art posters that every college student that majors in art surely has hanging in their room. Gray armchairs and a plant by your desk that looks like its five minutes away from dying. Yoongi isn't sure if the plant is supposed to be like that or if you're really just careless and if the latter is the case, does that mean you care about your clients the same way as that plant?

‘’Here’’ you speak up ripping yoongi out of his thoughts, putting the mug on the small table in front of him before taking a seat opposite of yoongi.

Yoongi was surprised earlier when you greeted him. He expected his therapist to be an older woman in her fifties who had a kind grandmother face and a soft voice. Instead he was met with you, who stood as if you were being pulled up by the roots of your hair, wearing black from head to toe with your hair pulled into a tight ponytail and oval glasses sitting on top of your nose. Which made you look more like the grim reaper instead of a professional who listens and helps people coping being alive. Even know as you're sitting in front of him, you're posture is straight as a wooden board which adds an air of elegance to your being but in yoongi's eyes you look prudish and stern.

‘’Tell me why you're here’’ you say looking up from your notebook where you wrote down todays date and his name.

Picking the cup up Yoongi takes a sip before sighing deeply ''i was forced to be here''

That doesn't surprise you, his whole body language and vibe screams that he doesn't want to be here at all and you're sure he's doing that on purpose. ‘’Forced? by who?’’

‘’By my advisor’’ Yoongi answers ‘’he thinks i have behavioral issues’’, he makes air quotes. ‘’Which is complete bullshit considering we work in hell and compared to the human bosses who are way more corrupted that we demons are i'm actually quite lenient’’

You stop writing on your notebook and blink at him multiples times. The fact that he even said that whole speech with a straight face makes you think you dissociated for a second. Raising your eyebrows slightly you continue to write.

calls workplace hell and refers to coworkers as demons. advisor sent him to counseling.

‘’I assume then that you haven't seen a therapist or counselor before?’’ you ask and cross your legs.

‘’correct’’ Yoongi sighs ‘’i'm going to be honest i'm not exactly expecting much from this i'm only here cause of my advisor who otherwise would get angry it wouldn't surprise me if he ratted me out to the angels’’

That the action of someone nonchalantly shrugging their shoulders could look so arrogantly never occurred to you until you met him. Nodding your head you continue to ask

‘’What do you see as being the biggest problem?’’

‘’Work’’ Yoongi answers so fast the words practically fly out of his mouth. ‘’Some would say its me but its the workers. We're not understaffed but the workers love lazying around and gossip. And hiring new people would take up too much time considering that they'd need training and honestly i don’t have the patience cause they're more likely to make mistakes and i hate mistakes. he stresses the word hate.

likes consistency ,seems very particular about surroundings.

‘’What exactly is your occupation?’’

‘’I thought you humans knew what we demons do’’ Yoongi states taking another sip of the coffee. ‘’Considering that mankind worship god and its ways, though the holy scriptures aren't accurate at all i mean they were written by humans , which by the way half of those people didn't even exist, and then translated into other languages over decades which means most of what was originally written is lost in translation.’’

If this were The Office this would be the scene where you'd blankly stare into the camera for a few seconds but it isn't so you just choose to stay quiet.

‘’But you know what's ridiculous?’’ Yoongi continues ‘’i got casted out , told that i will never return to heaven, which yeah was shitty but the real trauma is how when i fell i was immense pain cause my wings started to burn off and my wings were my pride you know. Just cause i didn't agree with their vision, and now i constantly have gods followers on my ass, acting like I'm the bad one when in actuality I'm just doing my job and its those unemployed demons that wreck havoc in the human world.’’

Refers to parental figure as god, meaning that person is the authorial person in the household. overall cites and talks about the bible, could mean the household is extremely religious.. Says angels are after him and the coworkers, possibly trying to tarnish the company's name. Has implied that he is satan, possible the black sheep of the family.

‘’I thought satan is responsible for all demons’’ you decide to humor him.

‘’Don't be silly human' Yoongi waves dismissively his hand ‘’that would make me a god, which i'm not. To be a god i'd need to have a lot more followers and willing sacrifices which i honestly don't have the time for cause you humans are dying at an alarming rate and we have to overwork ourselves.’’ He sends you a nasty glare you decide to ignore.

‘’What would be the solution?’’ you look up from your notes

‘’if they stop fucking misplacing the documents, pens and everything else. Theres a manual where it specifically states that if you put documents on my table it has to be on the right side four centimeters away from the left and three centimeters from the part of the desk thats the closest to you .’’ he rubs his temples with furrowed brows.

‘’Why those numbers specifically?’’

‘’because thats the most efficient way’’ Yoongi answers with a tone that makes you think you asked the world's dumbest question.

‘’They stress me out so much to the point where i feel like screaming every time i see their faces, sometimes i feel like they're doing this on purpose cause when my advisor orders them to do something they'll happily comply. im sure its because of his looks’’ he mutters the last part.

gets stressed out to the point of exhaustion if he doesn't have full control of his environment.

‘’What positive changes would you like to see happen in your life?’’

‘’this is going to sound crazy since i'm satan’’ Yoongi sighs deeply and stares at the dying plant behind you ''but i want things to be more peaceful and right now hell is in utter chaos, as i mentioned earlier a lot of demons are not working, not due that there aren't any jobs but because they still have that old mindset that their only mission in life is to kill humans. Don't get me wrong i could care less about you guys but its my company that has to overwork itself cause of it’’

You raise your eyebrows ‘’don't souls go to hell cause they used to be a sinner?’’

Yoongi scoffs and rolls his eyes ‘’ hell is just another word for the underworld. Souls come down to us to get judgment of their previous life and if they were a goodie two shoes they get sent to heaven by following the holy light that shines down when the gates open up. Though i am glad my advisor was able to negotiate with the angels to let them into heaven cause it was getting overcrowded down there and all the demons we sent up to bring the souls were brutally attacked by them’’

For someone who claims to hate humankind yoongi sure likes and takes his time to explain to you how hell really works. As if you're going to correct anyones assumptions about hell , which by the way you don’t believe that he's satan, there is no actual evidence that demons exist. So you decided a long time ago that you wont believe in such folklore.

You stare at the paper in your lap for a few seconds, raking your brain on what to write down of what he just told you, since you cant compare it to anything logical. The only explanation on why the ''angel's '' would attack yoongi's worker would be that he works in the shady field, you know, like being a drug lord or anything else that isn't accepted in society.

‘’you know’’ you speak up, deciding to document that last part later when you have time to think everything through. ‘’although you are not a god, you're still the most powerful demon in the underworld no?’’

‘’Not exactly, after i fell i became one of the ten kings of hell, mostly because i was the one who contributed the most when it came to establish the underworld. Though i am the one who makes the final decision hence why i get the most workload.’’

‘’hm’’ you hum ‘’it sounds like the reason why you're not being listened to is because you haven't clearly established the hierarchy in your environment’’

‘’I clearly have but they don't-’’

‘’Being the boss does not mean you scream or fuss at your subordinates, but that you reward them for their good work and fire them if it needs to be done’’ you give him an intense look. ‘’With you lashing out shows that you have time to be emotional which means theres time to dilly dally’’

‘’Their reward is a good paycheck’’ Yoongi counters clasping his hands ‘’there are no holidays for us because you humans die whenever its convenient and theres a special regiment that needs to be followed for the souls to either get reincarnated or go to heaven. And firing my workers is out of question’’

‘’Then what about proposing the idea to the others ,of making a trainee department where you recruit people who want or are desperate for money since you said the paycheck is hefty. It would benefit you in the way that , the trainee's can see what working in your department would be like and then decide if they want to stay or not, and if they stay your workload will sink significantly’’

Yoongi touches his lips for a few times, lost in his thoughts trying to process what you said before he snaps his fingers and points it at you. ‘’Human that is actually a very good idea, do you want to work for me?’’

A feeling similar to disgust washes over you with the way he said human, as if you're lower than him, lower than an insect even and your first instinct is to grimace. Instead you smile, squinting your eyes ever so slightly to give the illusion that the expression is real. ‘’No thank you i'm quite content with my job’’ you politely refuse.

‘’Thats a shame’’ Yoongi shrugs his shoulders ‘’you would fit into the underworld quite well’’

You're not sure if that is a compliment of it he's telling you that you're demonic. Either way you decide to ignore his statement and close the file in your lap. ‘’The session will end in five minutes , but before that i want to ask you, how do you feel now?’’

''Better'' Yoongi answers ‘’less stressed as when i walked in which surprises me , you're quite good i wouldn't mind the weekly sessions.’’

‘’Thank you’’ you answer ‘’do you have any questions?’’

‘’everything i tell you is confidential right?’’

‘’Yes, unless you've killed someone or are threatening general public i would have to report you but otherwise no one knows anything, even your advisor wont get told what happened in here’’ you reply.

‘’i wouldn't say that’’ Yoongi hums ‘’he has quite a way with words and is able to persuade anyone’’

‘’we'll have to see’’ you retort and take your planner from the small table ‘’is next week on thursday at four o'clock in the afternoon good for you?’’

‘’Yes’’ Yoongi answers as he's looking at the schedule on his phone.

‘’Good’’ you close the planner ‘’before you go i want you do this every time you feel like your anger and stress is getting to you, take deep breaths and slowly count to ten, that should help you calm down a little and think rationally, well talk on how effective it was next week then’’

Yoongi nods and you stand up, walks towards the door and open it. As you turn around to face him you see him standing just a few feet away from the couch starring out of the window, his brows furrowed and his lips tight. He turns around and walks towards you in long strides an hint of annoyance on his face.

‘’I'll see you next week then’’ you stretch out your hand ‘’if something should come up and you’re not able to come please do call and cancel a day before the appointment’’

''Alright '' Yoongi replies and takes your outstretched hand into his

When Yoongi's hand touch your skin your earlier suspicions are confirmed. His hand are icy cold to the point that it feels like your skin is burning at the mere contact. Which is worrying because the only time a human ever has a temperature that low is when they're dying of hypothermia yet the man in front of you looks like he has drank out of the fountain of youth.

He grips your hand tighter and says in a low voice ‘’be careful in the next few days’’

Not sure if he's warning or threatening you, you blankly stare at him before nodding silently and Yoongi lets go of your hand. Gives you one last glance before he walks out of the room and you close the door. Walking over to your desk you plump into the chair and sigh deeply, you have no idea what that so called warning is about, yet another part of your brain instantly goes to how you thought your apartment was broken in a few days ago. But how can Yoongi even know about that, considering the fact that you've just met an hour ago unless the whole thing about him being satan is actually true.

You shake your head, there is no way Yoongi is satan, sure he looks devilishly good despite the ugly red highlighter colored type of suit he was wearing and the black hair compliments his skin color impeccably. But you're also pretty sure the overlord would have more blood thirst and wouldn't be so merciful like yoongi ,who took his sweet time to explain details about hell to you. Almost coming off like that one kid at a slumber party who corrects the other kids when they state they had fun today , saying since its past twelve it technically ''tomorrow'' hence why they had ''fun yesterday''

Basically a kill joy.

Tapping the pen against the desk for a few times you snort out loud before putting the utensil down. Its out of question that demons and otherworldly beings are real, so for now in your eyes yoongi's using religion as metaphor for his own life.

Opening the laptop you wait for it to start up so that you can write about the session. After around twenty minutes of you trying to find the right words for the report without making it seem like you made the whole thing up ,you notice the time and shut off your laptop. Looking out of the window you notice that the sky is already dark and snowflakes are falling from the sky.

‘’I hope Christmas comes soon’’ you murmur with a small smile before turning around and taking your jacket from the chair. After wrapping the scarf around your neck and picking up your bag you walk towards the door, shut the light off and exit the room.

Christmas has a special place in your heart. Until you were fourteen you had never experienced Christmas, it was something you'd only see on tv and thats was rarely cause your mom almost never paid the electricity bill. And the only time you did was when you were seven, because your grandmother came and took you away from your delirious mother. Though you cant remember it because you had an accident that was severe enough to wipe out your memories of that entire winter.

After you started working as a waitress and the girls who worked there found out that you never celebrated the holiday they made it a tradition to throw a party after work. Everyone would bring food , cake and gifts and would just have a jolly time. And till to this day you continue on with that tradition.

‘’Im clocking out’’ You say as you arrive at the reception to just to find it empty. Confused you look around until you see secretary Kim coming out of the break room with a cup of coffee.

‘’See you on monday’’ he says in his soothing deep voice and holds the cup higher in salutations. You give him a bright smile and walk out of the praxis.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

The reason why you're standing in the middle of the grocery store is because you still haven't bought food. You don't even have an excuse for it, sure technically your'e now seen as an adult but your mind is still that of an nineteen year old college student who doesn't know what budgeting is. Its pure laziness, the mere thought of having to cook and then wash the pots and pans has you groaning for eternity. Hence why your basket is filled with food that can be cooked under fifteen minutes, such as ramen, bread ,cheese, all types of sweets and of course beer.

The convenient store is relatively empty, besides you there are two other people in it one which is the cashier. Mariya takeuchi's song plays in the background but its not the same melody as you remember it. Its funkier than usual which gives the whole store a weird vibe to it. Stores at night are generally a place where it seems like reality is altered. you know the same way how when you're at your friends house and wake up in the middle of the night and everything just seems like its from another dimension? exactly that.

Putting the last chocolate bar into your basket you walk towards where the cashier is located. The cashier is a tall girl who has turquoise blue hair and a mole underneath her left eye. Her whole demeanor is screaming that she's bored but she doesn't attempt to make small talk with you which is something you appreciate. After paying you bid her goodbye and walk out of the store only to bump into someone.

‘’oh shit sorry’’ you aplogize and take a step back. The person you notice, is a male with a black hoodie on, his eyes weirdly soulless as he glances at you not even bothering to give you a reply yet for unknown reasons the hairs on your neck raise and you get goosebumps. Scurrying across the parking lot you open your car door and put the bags into the passengers seat. A feeling of paranoia washes over you and you quickly get into the car.

‘’be careful- '' yoongi's voice rings in your ear and you shake your head.

‘’Im starting to loose my damn marbles’’ you murmur, set the gear into reverse and back out of your spot before driving out of the parking lot , towards home. no music is playing because you feel like if it was on you'd miss clues on if someone is following you, also you can concentrate better that way. Thankfully it doesn't take too long for you to arrive home and you park your car into the spot that was given to you by the landlord of the housing complex.

You tighten the scarf around your neck because the cold wind picks up. Heave your purse over your shoulder as you take the two bags full of food, close the door and lock it before walking up to the building your apartment is in. As you climb up the stairs you notice how the closer you get to your apartment the louder the thumping sound is.

Its your neighbors. Two boys who love to party constantly, which is really annoying even though they're always very polite to you and sometimes when the partying gets too much, they leave you a token of gratitude for not calling the police on them. Its not all that bad though a pair of ear plugs can solve the problem pretty quick and once you're asleep its like you're dead anyways, well unless someone enters your room thats when you wake up in 0000.3 seconds.

You unlock your apartment door and get inside, take off your shoes and walk into the kitchen. You set the bags on the counter, rip the post it note from the fridge and throw it into the garbage can. You leave one ramen on the counter while you put the food into the cupboard, take a small pot and fill it with water before turning on the stove and walk out the kitchen towards your bedroom.

Putting on the light you notice that your room actually looks untouched and your sigh relieved. You get out of your clothes, carelessly throwing the on the floor and put your pajama on, which of course are black. You tie your hair into a bun, take your phone and walk back into the living room. Put on the television and realize that the water should be boiling by now.

you smile slightly when you see the water is indeed boiling, kind of proud at how accurate your timing is but thats no feat for someone who cooks ramen constantly. Literally after ten minutes the food is cooked and you put water into the pan to ‘’let it soak’’ knowing well that you’re using that an excuse to just not have to wash it now. Taking the bowl you walk over to the living room where you sit on the couch and watch the variety show thats playing on tv.

Chuckling at the funny reactions of the idols you put the now empty bowl on the small table in front of you and lay down on the couch, your hand underneath the pillow. This position , combined with your full stomach and the temperature of the living room has you growing tired and its just takes a few seconds before you fall asleep.

⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑

The loud banging on the door wakes you up and alarmed you jump up from the couch. Looking at the clock you see that its eight in the morning and grumble ‘’Who the hell has the nerve to disturb me at ass o clock on a saturday morning somebody better be dying’’

You walk up to the door , open it and see two police officers , whose annoyed expression disappears , in front of you.

‘’ yes?’’ you ask

‘’ma’am we’d like to question you on where you were yesterday when the murder happened next door‘’

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funkymbtifiction · 7 years

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Typing Help

Hi - I’d like to ask for your help about typing as I’m really doubting myself being an INFP; because of certain mental health issues (Depression/ADHD/ASD) in my family and maybe with myself, I’m kind of thinking that some of those traits related to those issues have affected me and influenced my typing result instead of showing how I really think, or how I really am.

The only thing I’m certain of is being an enneagram 4, and that’s it.

Mod note: ISFP.

Your early sections were Fi/Te indicative, so I’ll keep them private and focus on Se vs Ne.

Intuition-Based Questions: *

Do you find it easier to describe things in vague or detailed terms?

Detailed. As no extra thought has to be put in to figure out what something is saying. Then again; when the language is abstract and out there and too long - I get lost. If it’s simple English I’m good. Just don’t be vague - It’s unhelpful and I guess what I’m saying is talk is cheap.

Sounds like a sensor before an intuitive.

Can you describe the intuitive connections you see in the world in easily-understood terms for others to understand or struggle to put them into words?

Not well; the best I’ve come to describing it is a tangled-web of sorts or something thats always “there” and is linked to what I see and observe.

Could be Ni.

How much of your natural focus is on a singular vision of the future?

i guess I’m generally a future-oriented person; a bit optimistic and idealistic in a way. I try not to look back and I’m always looking forward to what happens next. I’m not that much stuck in the past. My focus is generally the present; because the future is intangible and I suck at motivating myself to make what I want happen.

Se/Ni. INFPs get stuck in the past too much, due to tert-Si constantly interfering with their thought process, but you prefer the present (Se) and the future (Ni).

How often do you abandon projects midway through and why? How long have you stuck with certain interests and why do you value them?

It happens fairly often with me. I can’t follow through and I procrastinate because I’ll think I’m not good enough or that whatever I’m going to do is not going to plan. I don’t stick to things quickly - as it soon becomes monotonous and painful to do. What I do stick with - I.e, music, gaming, reading and drawing I keep as there is always new things to do, learn about as well.

Lower Te problems + sensory focus.

Do you place too much faith, or not enough, in your own hunches? Are they specific or prone to changing with more information?

My hunches are dead-on specific but I’ll leave them be and focus on what’s happening - because I don’t trust how quick they are to arise. They can sometimes change based on information available but the hunches I get are simply from small cues in observation or the “vibes” that I get about people or surroundings.

Se/Ni, IMO.

What happens to you more often: you become fixated and unable to change your direction or you cannot choose between possibilities?

I can’t choose what to do because my idea corresponds to what I want to do; yet there is considering what may be better. I’m pretty uncertain - yet I think what I said may be down to direction as opposed to possibilities.

Sounds like a strong ability to focus and zero in on what you want -- Fi/Ni.

Can you take someone else’s idea and expand it without needing down time, or do you prefer subconscious mulling over an idea before you accept it?

I’m quick witted - I suppose but I need time to think and visualise an idea out before anything can happen. Sometimes I do come up with stuff instanteously - but it’s no good at all.

No Ne.

When approaching a new situation in which you have no experience, what do you do? (Leap in and assume you can handle it, or try and relate it to a former experience as a guideline?)

I try it out and see what happens I guess. I do leap and bite off more than I can chew, so to speak.

Se.

How confident are you in being sensory-aware and attentive to the environment? Can you describe a situation in which you did both? Is it often?

I can be sensory aware and active to a decent degree - but due to I’m observing something else in my environment/because of what I think is a short attention span - I’m out of it entirely/ or being focused on anticipation instead of doing - I suck at being sensory aware. A squash coach asked what my favourite subject is - and I said science; and she said that my poor performance makes sense as I’ve naturally conditioned myself to think at 100 mph; but when I am focused everything is fine. I guess lack of self esteem stems into the physical as well; because If I feel inconfident or confused I feel like my coordination is off. As for attentiveness. - a good example is when my family and I were watching The Godfather Part 2 (I was popping in and out of watching with them) and there was one scene where the Corleone brothers were in Cuba and they were talking about Mafia killings and what might happen; and I noticed a small change in one of the men’s faces and a slow-shift/lean-back in his chair and I knew, just then that he must have snitched about something. And my parents who saw the movies in their entirety said I was correct.

Thank you for proving to anyone who reads this that Se can be rubbish at sensory awareness sometimes, and zero in on a minute detail leading into a Ni conclusion at others. ;)

What areas in which do you ‘lose control’ or act different from yourself when upset, pressured for time, and forced to take immediate action?

My behaviour changes a lot. Does a complete 180°. When I’m pressured and upset I’ll let you know - but in the worst way possible. Saying backhanded comments under my breath and just generally being angry at others; and being miserable all the damn time - and just general acting up even when the smallest of things don’t go my way.

Possible low Te manifesting.

What is something that nags at you every day, as if you feel you should be ‘better’ at this than you are?

I think my general focus is one thing that annoys me a lot - like I just cannot think straight at all because I guess I’m either somewhere else or just focused on my environment and surroundings and looking all over tbe place; so I guess that’s why I don’t get things done when I should. Also making clear and decisive decisions is also something that bugs at me a lot - and then there’s also trying to think before I speak instead of having an outburst or saying something that isn’t nice at all.

Low Te envying higher Te and more diplomatic approaches.

What have others said about or admired in you and complained about?

They say that even though I’m quiet I’m enthusiastic with getting involved in a lot of things. People also always say that I seem to have a quiet confidence about me - but I don’t think that’s true. My parents say that I’m kind and that I’m always willing to champion an underdog- and that I have admirable ethics;they also say I have keen bursts of exact and strong intuition as well. Some have complained that I sometimes let things get the better of me - like my emotions and also mulling over things before they even happen; and feeling like there is no escape from that outcome; therefore I procrastinate a lot. Some people also say I’m a bit “soft” - when it comes to emotions in general; and I’m super prone to self-deprecation. I’ve also been described as a bit chaotic, goofy, silly and funny by some and yeah, a bit strange.

What do you admire most in other people?

That they are confident in being who they truly are - and they have certain talents and traits that make them unique and stick out from the rest of the crowd. Also that they fit in and that they have close connections with others. I don’t know - maybe because I’m a private person or I’m so moody that I don’t notice my friends around me- I’m not sure at all.

ISFP.

- ENFP Mod

#question #isfp #mbti #type me

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aspirationfail · 7 years

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MY BBY JETTY FOR THE QUESTION THHINGY !!

JETT TAYLOR (●´ω｀●)

Full name

Jett Marie Taylor

Preferred name/nickname

Jett or J

Generally referred to as

Wife, J, J.T, Jetty

Appearance.

FACECLAIM: Nope.SEX: FemaleHEIGHT: 5′10WEIGHT: 160BUILD: Average. B-cup breast, has some meat on her thighs, and a small butt.HAIR: She currently cut it but, she has 4c hair thats naturally red. Pretty long when its straightened but she prefers to keep it in a neat ponytail or braids.SKIN: Mocha-ish skin tone with a few moles scattered on her face. EYES: Pretty brown eyes with short lashes, her glasses hang a little low on her face so you can’t really tell how nice her eyes are.MOUTH: Plump lips that she constanly moisturizes on a daily basis.NOSE: Cute, small nose. HANDS: Averaged sized hands with skinny fingers, nails are usually short and painted.FEET: Small, bute cute feet. Toenails are ALWAYS painted, usually a pastel color.SCARS: NoneCLOTHES: Her style varies. Most of the time she dresses plain since shes home a lot but, the days shes going out her style could be catagorized as ‘Kawaii’ or ‘harajuku’OTHER FEATURES: None OTHER NOTEABLE FEATURES:None

Speech.

VOICECLAIM: Click ACCENT: When pronouncing certain words her little Creole accent will appear.VERBAL TICKS: Since she’s very shy at first, she tends to stutter a lot or not talk at all.LANGUAGE: Mostly English but a little of Cajun FrenchARTICULATION: She is terrible at explaining things, she gets so frusterated most of the time because she tends to have a hard time putting the words in a proper way so the other person(s) can understand.EDUCATION: It varies honestly, sometimes she’ll use big words sometimes she doesn’t. It all depends on the conversation topic really.LAUGHTER: Her laugh is squeaky, and annoying to most people. Since she’s always laughing though, peple get used to it.GRUMP: Not really, only if she’s angry.BREATHING: ..duh

Mannerisms.

FACE: She’s very expressive with her emotions, most of the time she’s happy so you’ll always see her with a smile on her face.HANDS: She uses a lot of hand motion, usually when shes explaining something or excited.LEGS/FEET: Only when she’s nervous.EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS: She is not prone to these, when she’s happy she shows it very well and when her emotions are in a more negative state, she tends to cry.HABITS: Besides fidgeting a lot, none.POSTURE: Due to being related to a model her posture is very straight, she only slouches when she’s tired.WALKING POSTURE: She is very upbeat and girly when she walks, she also skips A LOT.SITTING POSTURE: She usually likes to sit criss-cross but usually her legsare crossed since she wears a bunch of skirts and dresses.PERSONAL SPACE: She’s the queen of invaiding personal space, she can be very touchy but it’s usually to show affection, nothing sexual.SPACIAL AWARENESS: She is very aware of what’s going on but is still clumsy at times.OTHER: She’s very poliet when she speaks but after a while she tends to be very goofy and childish.

Health:

DIET: Her diet is slightly poor, she eats a lot of sweets and since she can’t cook she tends to eat out when there’s nobody at home to cook for her.SLEEP: Her sleeping schedule is pretty good. She usually sleeps late on the weekends or breaks, though.EXERCISE: She jogs here and there but she could work out more.ACTIVITY: She’s a hard worker when it comes to activities, she always make sure to input 100%CLEANLINESS: She bathes regularly.ODOUR: She smells good all the time, there’s never a day where she doesn’t smell good.MEDICINAL DRUGS: NopeNARCOTICS: NopeADDICTIONS: NopeILLNESS: NopeINJURIES: NopePARASITES: NopeOTHER: None

Personal.

INTROVERT/EXTROVERT?: AmbivertOPTIMIST/PESSIMIST: OptimistGENDER: FemaleSEXUALITY: DemisexualROMANTIC: There’s times where she feels lonely but she’s never been in an actual relationship so she’s not too sure what she wants from one and if she even wants to date.MEMORY: Her memory is supringly really amazing, she remembers a lot of stuff really well.PLANNING: Unless its fashion or school related…no.PENSIVE: EhINTUITION: Not all the time but most of the time.PROBLEM SOLVING: I guessss.GOALS: To have a sucessful clothing line.INSECURITIES: NoneACHIEVEMENTS: So far her biggest achievment is graduating highschool a year early with 4.0 GPA.ANXIETY: When her friends or family is angry at her.OVERWHELMED: All the time, being an adult is so hard for her.SELF-HELP: She usually take’s a day to reflect and think to see what she can do to fix it.COMFORTS: Being around the people she loves, her room, and a closet full of clothes.BAD HABITS: Eating when stressed.PHILOSOPHY: She belives in Christianity, mainly because her dad is a pastor.TRIGGERS: Nope

The Past.

PARENTS/GUARDIANS: She was very close with both of her parents.SCHOOL: School was a breeze for her since she was very friendly she had a lot of help.ADOLESCENCE: She was really confused at first but ignored it after a few days. Puberty was pretty normal for her.LEAVING HOME: It was okay for her since she knew we would be staying with family.FURTHER EDUCATION: She’s currently in college studying costume desgining.FIRST JOB: Her first (and current) job is at a cafe, shes a barista and enjoys it very much. She kind of wants to quit though and work at her friend’s comic shop.LIFE EVENTS: Graduating at 17 and getting accepted to her favorite college.WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: She never really had one of those, even if she properly tried to see the good in it.BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: When she met Felix and Toshi, the most important people in her life besides family.LESSONS: Always try to see the better in people, the outcome might be better than expected.LOOKING BACK: She wouldn’t change a thing.

Relationships.

FAMILY: Marcella & MarshalFRIENDSHIPS: She has a few friends, but only three close friends. She doesn;t like having a huge social circle.FRIENDS IN NEED: She tries her best to be of help even if she never went through what the other went though.NEEDING A FRIEND: She prefers to go to family for help but sometimes she’ll go to friends.ANNOYANCES: She tries to understand the other person so the aurgument doesn’t get crazy.ROMANCE: n/aMARITAL PROBLEMS: n/aADVERSARIES: Lying, being inconsiderate, and thinking the things she likes is stupid.ENEMIES: Disrespecting her or the people close to her.STRANGERS: She can be very shy around new people but if she knows that the person is a mutual or they are intrested in the same things she starts acting like herself.FUN STUFF: Going out shopping, visiting pet shops, and going to shops that sell sweets and baked goods.DATING: N/A BEST FRIEND: Toshi & FelixLOVE: NoneWORST ENEMY: NoneRESPECT: She respects everyone even if they don’t do the same with her. She likes to fight with kidness lol.

Interactions.

MINGLING: It depends, she is good when it comes to small talk and people such as her classmates but besides that she can be a little weird at it.COMFORT LEVELS: She feels pretty comfortable if the other person isn’t being weird.PHYSICAL: She’s very touchy with people she knows, hugs are her favorite.GROUPS: She likes being in groups, unless it’s ful of people she doesn’t know.OPENNESS: She’s kind of open. Only with people she’s close with, though.GENEROSITY: Queen of being generous tbh JEALOUSY: Eh, she’s not really the jealous type.TEMPER: She’s very patient.AFFECTION: She’s very affectionate. She tries to show it with her words and sctions.DISTASTE: Here’s the thing… she doesn’t show that to people she dislikes cause she doesn’t dislike anyone.ETIQUETTE: Eh, she can be poliet but for the most part is very childish.RESPONSIBILITY: She always takes responsiblity of the things she does.SELF ESTEEM: Usually she has other people stick up for her but when she doesn’t sometimes she’ll try to do it for herself.CONFIDENCE: NopeHONESTY: She’s only honest if she really needs to be, if not she tries to spare people’s feelings.LEADER OR FOLLOWER: NeitherPARTY TRICKS: She likes ti sing time from time so she’ll do that to impress people.PRAISE: She loves praises.FAILURES: Nope, everyone usually likes everything about her.CRITICISM: Pretty well honestly.INSULTS: She is horrible at taking insults.EMBARRASSMENT: When she’s embarssed she usually just tries to hide for a few hours.FLIRTING: ..nopeATTENTION SPAN: If it isn’t related to her hobbies, it can be very short.

Life.

CAREER: BaristaPROMOTION: Nah, she doesn’t plan to work there for long.BOSS: YES, her boss loves her and treats her as if she was his own.DUTY: Normal young adult duties.TECH: Eh, she;s like every other person.POLITICS: She tries not to get in stuff like that.COMBAT SKILLS: … not really.HOME: Her home is all over the place but organized enough to where she still can find things.DAILY LIFE: She copes pretty well.INDEPENDENCE: She could live by herself if she wanted to, cooking would be her only problem.COOKING: Do you mean constantly burning food? Then, yes.BUILDING: She can be pretty okay at that stuff.CLEANING: She likes a neat and tidy home. SHOPPING: When doesn’t she shop?DRIVING: Yes,FINANCES: She lives under the care of her little sister so she’s pretty well taken care of. If she lived alone she would still be fine.MARRIAGE: N/AKIDS: Not really.PETS: Yes! She has a small turtle named Green Dog.DEPENDANTS: NoLAW: NoCOURT: NoPRISON: NoTRAVELLING: The only traveling she’s done is travel to California, but she would like to travel more if she had the money.MEDICAL: YisssILLNESS: NopeWORRIES: She worries if she fed her pet or turned off the car usually.PEACE: Doesn’t matter.PARTYING: If it’s not wildt and more laid back, she doesn’t mind.HOBBIES: Watching anime, drawing, sewing, baking, and reading yaoi.

#sorry this took so long. ;-;; so many damn questions #oc:jett #char stuff #sukusims

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livingthatlibrarylifestyle · 8 years

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DEALING WITH STRESS AND ANXIETY WHILE STUDYING

I have found that studying and having certain expectations placed on you by both yourself and others causes a lot of stress and often a lot of anxiety too. While I have not yet mastered how to chill out to a point where I am completely calm, I have developed a few techniques which I thought I could share to try and help others out there.

When I have a lot of things going on in my life, both personal and study-wise, I get a lot of anxiety and stress over the smallest of things. I feel myself constantly worrying about any and everything. And when one thing works itself out I worry about it all over again from a completely different angle. If I had a test coming up I would worry about whether I had enough time to study, and when I had studied as much as I could have I still worried that I could’ve done more. Even once I had written the test and felt I had done ok, I would worry all over again and doubt my own assessment of how it had gone. This has been a constant theme to my studying and it has fed into my personal life.I stress about everything, and worry so much that I am going to fail that I feel anxious constantly.

Not only has this effected my physical health (it effects my eyesight, and my fingers go numb from not breathing enough) it has also effected my mental health. This is too often not spoken about in the studying community. We are all so ready to focus on pretty notes, neat hand writing, and aesthetic desk layouts but we are too silent on what goes on behind the scenes.

Dealing with anxiety is a really common issue amongst a lot of students of all ages. As many as 1 in 6 people are effected by an anxiety disorder. In my case I experience only a part of what those with an actual disorder do, so I can’t give advice on how to handle anxiety disorders (if you do suffer from and anxiety disorder or think you may please go speak to your Doctor about dealing with it, because telling yourself to relax is not going to work).

But this is what I suggest for how to handle a stressful situation and periods of anxiety brought on from studying.

1. PLAN YOUR LIFE OUT TO A TEE My stress and anxiety stems from a feeling of not being in control of my own situation and pressure to achieve. This combo spikes my anxiety to a whole new level and I am always convinced I am going to fall on my face and fail. What I have found as my best tool to defeat this feeling is to plan out everything. I mean everything. I assign a time to everything I do, which motivates me to keep pushing myself to get everything I need to done but also helps me feel like I am in control of all the moving parts of my life and that its not the other way round.

Plan your meals, your studying times, what you have to study, when you will take studying breaks and how long those will be and what you will do during them. Set out hourly, daily and weekly goals of what you need to achieve. Work backward starting with weekly priorities and then decide which ones you will do on what day. From there determine when in the day you will be able to set aside time to get this done. Seriously this works so well.

2. TALK ABOUT IT Vent! People around you will be going through similar things as you, especially your friends who are in your classes etc. Other people feel your stress too, even if its not the same they will be able to understand it and can reassure you. I often get so worked up about the smallest things in my mind and once Ive spoken to my friends about it I feel so much better. Its not even about what they suggest but more about being able to unload your worries. Plus sometimes the advice is usually pretty solid.

3. EXERCISE Stress and anxiety have physical as well as mental side effects. I usually have tonnes of pent up energy from all the adrenaline when I’m really anxious (anxiety is caused by your body not being able to processes it). So releasing your energy through running or doing some type of activity will help you not only release all that energy but can also help you clear your head and get some quiet time to yourself and your own thoughts.

4. KNOW THAT YOU AREN’T PERFECT Accept that you are not always going to be perfect, and that if you don't succeed you are not a failure but just a person. We all get it wrong sometimes, and cant do everything. You might not get that A or even pass a test. You might forget to do something on time or wont study enough as you could have. Don’t be so harsh on yourself, because you don't need to be your own worst enemy. While its great to have high expectations for yourself, as this helps you achieve your goals, it is extremely self-destructive to tear yourself apart if you get something wrong.

5. SET OUT GOALS Create a vision board of your goals, aims or wishes. Stick it up somewhere you can see it often, as a visual reminder every day of what you are working toward is a great motivator to help you understand why you are in the situation that you are. I get really stressed out with studying and sometimes want to give up because the pressure is too much, but when I see my goals set out in front of me it serves as a great reminder of why I feel that stress — I want to achieve my goals. And its that realisation that I find has a calming effect as thats when the determination kicks in.

6. REFRAME YOUR THINKING By reframing your anxiousness and stress from a negative thing into a positive thing, you can be a more productive version of yourself. By looking at your worries in a different way you can channel your stress into a positive outcome. Use it as a motivating tool to work hard, rather than as a distraction. While this is something that people with anxiety disorders can’t just do, if you experience stress and anxiety like I do you are more in control of your state of mind than you think. I give myself a little pep talk and realign how I am viewing a situation. You are the one who knows yourself best, so naturally you should be able to motivate yourself using the stress as a catalyst.

I hope this helps you calm down and take back control over your feelings of anxiousness and stress. These techniques work for me, but please add more that find help you!

#anxiety #stress #dealing with stress #masterpost #studyblr #studyspo #studying inspiration #studying #motivation #help #student #student problems

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oblivionspeakk · 6 years

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This Year Will Be The Year of SEO 2019

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onlyaliveinmynightmares · 6 years

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Seriously, I don’t get how she could do this to me.

Not seeing her for 5 months was completely my fault, I chose to move to the other side of the world. We talked about it a lot but you wanted to try as much as I did which meant a lot to me, I thought maybe you were the one. We talked almost daily despite our timezones and sent each other snapchats and tagged each other everyday. I missed you more and more and I couldn't wait to see you. It kept getting close to the day you were coming for your trip overseas and I managed to catch you for 8 hours and you didnt want me to leave. We were both so tired it was just so good to see you. I missed you so fucking much. Looking each other in the eyes saying we loved each other and how we couldn’t wait to spend time together after your bus tour around Europe. I should’ve know better, ive been on the same type of tour before i know what its like, im such a jealous person and her telling me not to worry made me put all my doubts aside and to simply just trust her. I mean what else is there to do when you love somebody? You just have to trust them. Week into her tour, 1 week after we had been in each others arms she breaks up with me. Surprised? I guess I was taken aback because I put aside all of my jealous and bad thoughts. Its just so fucking annoying because its so obvious why she wants to break up and thats to get with other guys on her tour. People she has known 1 week, who don’t care about her over me who would do anything for her and been with her for 3 years. I just don’t get it, she told me to trust her so I did and then this... It’s played on my mind constantly, vivid pictures in my head of other guys with you.. it just makes me cry. Depression and Obsession don’t mix well. And after this you still want to see me, why would I ever want to see you knowing what you have been doing? Don’t get me wrong I want to see you so fucking badly but I know I wouldn't be able to handle that. And the thing is while we were apart I felt horrible, almost like I was forcing you to be with me and when we talked about it and talked about ending things we both didn’t want to.

The responses are what annoyed and hurt me the most, it didn’t look like you had said it at all, was almost as if you had somebody else writing it, it was just so blunt with no sincerity, it was only 6 hours later that you replied and it was really you saying how sorry you were. You even went as far saying how our relationship used to be on and off like what the fuck is that how you saw it? It was like that 2 years ago before we actually started dating and falling for each other. I guess the distance and lack of seeing each other really did numb things for you, and I understand that its not easy. I just honestly thought that I meant more to you that WE meant more than fucking random guys and breaking my heart.

Finally, I hate that so many things seem like a lie to me now. The fact that we talked so much and you said so many things to me and you were able to flip it around 180 feels like you were lying. I hate how you gave me so much hope and things to look forward to by seeing you so soon, and to just take them away and not even being sincere about it, feels like you lead me on and lied to me. Im not sure if you did this intentionally, maybe you were lying to yourself that you wanted to be with me so you said those things instinctively but I wish you didn't. I know you got a new job so you wouldn’t be able to move over here like planned, and I knew that probably meant we would break up, but I just wanted to see you so fucking badly and the fact you cut that short to fuck randoms is the killing point. Like why did you do that me? The way I see it is either she really was over me a long time ago and kept it going for whatever reasons, or she didn’t know what she wanted. Either way I think its the worst outcome and its hurt me in the worst way, I just hope that she understands whats happened and how much shes actually hurt me. When she does this I will forgive her so that we can both move on.

Anybody got a remedy for a broken heart?

#sad #depression #relationship #my thoughts

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new-beginnings96 · 8 years

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My recovery

If you had asked me two years ago what I thought about mental health I would have been clueless. I was never able to understand the concept of self harm or suicide because I could never imagine something being so unbearable it would force a person to that point. I always had a tough way about me growing up, I hated feeling vulnerable and I certainly thought my mind was the one thing I would always have control of. As my teen years ended and twenties approaced my emotions seemed to hit me harder than ever. Being strong seemed exhausting and I found myself seeing life in a totally different perspective. The things I would normally shake off seemed to stick with me for days…my mental health became more fragile than it ever had been in such a short amount of time. I looked deeper into myself and saw so many things I didn’t like. It was always hard for me to criticize myself and now here I was doing it effortlessly. Things became more personal for me and I started to cling to little things that made me happy. I became so dependent on people and situations that the littlest change had me in shock. My thoughts soon became dark and the happy person I once was now became a stranger to me. To me sadness came like a storm, I was able to feel it coming but you really don’t understand the damage it does until after it hits.After all those years questioning how somebody could want to harm themselves, I finally got the answer. The constant battle between you and your mind is heart wrenching. You can’t escape yourself no matter how bad you try, the only peace you have is in your sleep and nightmares soon make their way into that too. Waking up turned from a blessing to a disappointment. I had honestly never been so scared of myself it was a constant panick I lived with 24/7. I had no control and even though my pain was emotional, I felt it physically. My body was suffering and my emotions got the best of me. Nobody understands how exhausting it can be to fight you’re own mind everyday, it never stops and sometimes just getting out of bed is one of the hardest things you can do. Depression was my new identity and I hated it, I hated myself for letting it get to this point but it was out of my control. Now don’t get me wrong there were still times where I clinged on to hope of happiness.. but see thats what made it worse. I’m an affair child, being the reason why a marriage fell apart and knowing that being born destroyed so many lives is something that always sticks with me. Let me tell you its not easy to be 20 and watch your mom completely fall apart and have your dad keep you as a secret from everybody. Its degrading and exhausting and it fed into my depression. I didn’t believe in love or truly being happy because I’ve watched it destroy so many people. I had gone out of my way so many times to protect myself from ever feeling that vulnerable but now here I was hoping for anything to take the pain away. Falling in love was an unexplainable experience, I fell hard and at the time overlooked all the harm it was causing me. The hate I had built up for myself allowed me to accept everything I didn’t deserve. I was talked down too and insulted for every emotion I had. Yet when he told me I was perfect and how much he loved me it sucked me back in. I looked at him as my only source of happiness and knew the second I lost him my mind would be lost too. In the back of my head I knew better and I saw the outcome from miles away, yet I couldn’t stop myself. It was addicting to have something that could numb the pain for any amount of time. He was my sanity in all my insane thoughts but the truth is he was only hurting me. As I depended more and more I got weaker until I reached my lowest point. The day he left is a pain I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Feeling my world shatter and having not one thing to hold me together. I’ve never felt more alone then in that moment. It is worse enough to be left once but I allowed it to keep happening in hopes that having him back would save me from the darkness that now consumed me. My mind went crazy and I wanted to harm myself in any way possible, it so scary to feel that alone and losing the one person that made me feel loved took its toIe on me. Feeling so useless and unwanted I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Tears streamed down my face for hours and my body was weak, I was physically sick and emotionally destroyed. I was disgusted with what I had become. I blamed myself for EVERYTHING and began to apologize to him for why he left me. I took everything as my fault and I put it all on myself. I convinced myself that I was the reason for everybody leaving and if I wasn’t around everybody would be better off. I begged him to come back and stay. I promised up and down any little thing that I thought would make him reconsider and each time he shut me down harder. I couldn’t function, everyday became a hysterical fit and I was scared. As much as I wanted to die, deep down I knew this wasn’t how it was suppose to be. I was only 20 I had so much more to live for but at that point I just didn’t want to feel this pain anymore. I was numb to any kind of emotion but sadness. I realized that him leaving wasn’t what broke me, the whole time I was losing myself and everything I stood for. Asking for help was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Opening myself up to being judged and knowing that my parents would react in anger and denial but I sucked it up and took my first step in recovery. One thing I learned was that nobody understands what I was going through, they could see the pain on my face but they couldn’t feel it so having them think I was weak for needing help was okay because I needed it more then ever right now. Once I got over my fear of medication and allowing myself to be so open about my emotions to a doctor I dove head first. The biggest comfort came out of the first day, just to be in a calm environment and know that there are people that feel the same way gave me a sense of hope that I hadn’t felt in so long. I cried A LOT and let everything out but to know somebody’s priority was to help me get better gave me a sense of wanting to stay around to see it. Now don’t get me wrong, things didn’t miraculously change over night. I had good moments and bad moments but seeking out for help has done me a lot more for me then being alone ever could. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first and be selfish. Its been a couple months and I’m slowly but surely finding myself back to somebody I once was. I will never be the same but thats okay because I don’t want to be. I still have really bad days and the thoughts haven’t left, I just find ways to cope. My happy days are now appreciated a whole lot more and I’ve allowed myself to understand how important my mental health is. Losing the one I loved hurt but losing myself was the worst. I don’t deserve to have to beg for somebody attention, Im worth way more then an ignored text and “ i love you but don’t want this” attitude. I would go through hell and back for somebody I loved so I should’ve never settled for anything less. I learned a lot about myself these past months and I’m still learning. I deserve the love I constantly want to give everybody else, I shouldn’t be talked down too and judged for everything. I always just tried my best and thats all I really have. I still have my shitty days and I’ve learned to allow myself to stay in bed all day and not feel guilty because sometimes thats what you need. My heart still aches and thats okay because I can still love somebody but know I shouldn’t want them back. As for my thoughts? honestly there are days where I wish people knew what it felt like to lose me and there are still often times where I’d rather just stop fighting. But for every bad day I have a good one here and there that force me to keep trying and become stronger. I want to prove to myself that Im strong enough to get through anything. At the end of the day, you’re alone and thats a scary thought. I wanna be able to show myself what I’m capable of and how I don’t need anybody to make me feel better but myself. I don’t want somebody else to fix me, I wanna be the one to pick myself up and fix things on my own. My body is still in pain but Im only getting stronger and I pray everyday that there is one day I wake up and realize how far along I have come. My recovery is only just beginning but I’m ready for the journey.

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