#and corpses can't hurt unless you can make them not be corpses anymore

[letsoulswander]

Honestly I've taken several first aid courses as well as uncertified first aid refreshers and no one EVER tells you to pack a wound. That's just... You're running a huge risk of infection and introducing foreign material to a place it shouldn't be. I resent being called an "idiot sandwich" by a haha funny big blog for saying this.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

hi bestie saw ur post and im kinda curious about this since it's something not a lot of ppl are talking about next to ed's arc and izzy's death and all— what do you think about how they handled stede in the finale? I felt like a lot of the "incompetent wannabe pirate" jokes undermined his progress this season and also him deciding to stay at the inn with ed felt odd as he expressed he wanted to be a pirate and sail the sea. just wondering what other people think about that

[Oct 31, 2023]

Before we get into it, you are allowed to enjoy this show! My past (and next few) responses WILL be negative, but you aren't wrong for agreeing or disagreeing with most posts. Thanks to all the people who have already sent in messages! I can't wait to respond!!

I am an Izzy fan first and foremost, but how a show handles it's protagonist says a LOT about how it handles it' characters overall!

TLDR for this post: In any character-centric media, explore your characters as characters first. Develop your plot around them and their arcs. Don't treat an ensemble cast as faceless props for the story you're trying to tell. Stede's arc is weird because Stede is shoved in places where it feels like he doesn't fit anymore.

Creating a narrative focused on central character conflicts can work. This is how S1 was written. Stede and his actions directly lead to revealing truths of the world that push the plot forward. This worked because I'd argue the strongest part of OFMD overall is its characters. S2 misses out on this strongest aspect by only referencing its characters when it needs something from them.

S1 We went from Stede killing a guy-> The Act of Grace. S2 Stede tells a guy he shouldn't be an idiot and leave behind a calling card -> burning down the Republic of Pirates and killing Izzy. S2 doesn't feel as tied to Stede's arc of growing into a pirate. But Stede isn't the only person this has fucked over.

Each crew member has their role established from S1, we fans know how they work as a family. But in S2 most of the cast can be swapped out interchangeably unless its something that features this side character NICHE (Wee John in drag being good with fabrics, Roach being a cook).

Sadly, by focusing on the larger Zheng vs. Military arc, a story our characters BARELY caused, the audience misses out on potential character development. Instead of our characters facing the consequences of their actions, our favorite side characters are used as faceless narrative tools. This is largely why the crew was abandoned this season unless they had a romantic side plot. Seeing The Revenge sail off in episode 8, it feels like we barely care about them at all anymore.

As seen from @the-buttspie 's comment, even Stede's arc isn't left out of the firing range. His characterization in episode 8 is constantly thrown back and forth between 'Captain doing his best' and 'Village idiot' if the scene needs it.

Analyzing WHY I started to dislike Stede post episode 4 is FASCINATING, and I feel that digging all the way back to the beginning is a smart way to look at his character growth this season.

FRAMING: Stede's early story get's fucked over pacing-wise because his storyline happens side by side to that of Ed/Izzy.

Any dramatic moment is cut short to show just how much the other crew is NOT about to die. Every time I watch S2 with a new person, for episodes 1-3, they'll comment on how much they don't care about Stede's plot. Which is not a thing you'd want for your protagonist in a season of TV that's only 8 episodes long.

Stede goes through a really strong arc from S1 to the start of S2. For the first three episodes of S2, he puts the needs of his crew before the needs of himself. Literally making sure his crew is safe before going down to see Ed's corpse. I genuinely enjoyed how Stede stepped up for his family. How he doesn't blame the Revenge crew for killing Ed, realizing that yes. Ed is the love of his life and also a man who has seriously hurt so many people.

Eps 4-5: From that we see him trying to talk it through with Ed. While both of them aren't telling the whole truth, it's a good start! We're midway through the season, so we should expect things to get fleshed out more soon.

Until Stede decides 'I'm going to bring a man that tortured my family for 80+ days onboard less than 24 hours after my crew voted him off' Yes. Stede loves Ed to a stupid extent, but this starts the trend for Stede to be dangerously selfish this season using his power as captain to overwrite the want of his crew, a habit of his that partially gets Izzy killed.

I really enjoyed Stede in episode 5, and for me, this felt most like the Stede we recognize growing into a real Captain with hints of who he was. I think it says a lot that Stede still misses his layers and silks. That he craves the softness he used to have in the form of that cursed jacket. But as soon as Izzy is like 'you idiot, please listen to them, they will mutiny' Stede gives it up!!!! He's grown. He's listening to Izzy, he's talking with his crew! This episode did the one thing I wish the season did more of, show the reunited crew just living their lives.

This is where Stede stands out, it lets him be a bit more of a leader to the crew. Let him find his groove again. I loved it!!

Now: Killing Ned Low.

Stede choosing to kill Ned Low is the first time Stede killing someone counts. Yes, he burned down the ship French ship. But this is the first time the audience is supposed to care. I think this moment WAS in character and a really important moment for Stede. He chose this. This wasn't up to crew vote, Ned insulted Ed so fuck him, he deserves to die. Ned walks the plank, also referencing historical Bonnet's tendency to do the same thing.

This is where both Ed and Stede make an in-character mistake, having their first time after the rush of 'oh shit, I'm still alive, and I'm hurting and you're here too'. They don't regret their first time, clearly, they both enjoyed it, but both of them can't ignore what fueled it. Stede has had 3 episodes to re-establish himself with his crew, and now has very little time for the rest of the season with them to show off his growth. That's why, after the party, we don't feel like this show is showing off a family anymore. Even when reunited, they barely feel like a united front.

But from this point on, I personally feel that Stede should have toned down the humor a bit and act like he did in episode 3. Well, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself so-

Episode 7: Stede enjoys being popular, following in Ed's footsteps. He holds his ground against Ed, and overall this feels like a natural progression of his arc from episode 5. He knows what he wants in life and Ed not communicating is genuinely frustrating for him. Him being heartbroken and trying to fight Zheng like she's Izzy is one of the few callbacks I feel that works. As it compares a Stede who was supported by his crew, to this Stede who feels totally alone. I loved Stede this episode, only to be disappointed by-

Episode 8:

Where Ed is allowed to have his silly moments in private, I feel that Stede fluctuates between silly and serious WAY too much for us to take him seriously. Stede's response to Ed telling him he loved him being 'I know' also felt off to me.

"You're not a dick, life's a dick" This line is frustrating to me as it's Stede's response to Ed apologizing. Genuinely apologizing for his actions in the previous episode. This could have been a moment for us to feel like Stede and Ed were a united front but Stede's constant joking and not taking shit semi-seriously. Yes. He feels more comfortable around his family which is amazing.

But I can't help but point out how Stede chooses to go along with a plan the rest of the crew doesn't like. What NARRATIVE purpose was there for Stede trying to sell the captain? He has money, clearly. With the loot they still have, and a future alliance with Zheng.

Stede fucks up. His choice a plan that gets Izzy killed. The writers sacrificed Stede being a competent Captain who cares about his crew into what is described as a 'suicide mission' to push Izzy into his rushed death. A disservice to both characters.

ONTO:

Stede abandons piracy

I'm not shocked they did this, not after the other flubs of the episode, but I hate that it wasn't a conversation held between Ed and Stede.

They could cut the stupid joke about Ed being bad at fishing at the beginning and have these two idiots talking about their issues. Maybe establish that, yeah, piracy is a lot, and they deserve to settle down and get to know each other. Even if they return to the sea, this frames it as Ed finally finding peace and Stede getting pulled along, going against his character growth this season.

I'm surprised that they're setting this up now and not at the end of Season 3. Hell, I used to think S3 would be focused on Ed and Stede avoiding/faking their historical deaths. Given all the bullshit they'll have to clean up to wrap up all the loose ends established this season- S3 will be VERY Ed/Stede focused, I think the crew will still be inserted in without care or arc. Characters like Jim and Oluwande will be prioritized as they are in a relationship before our nonromantic characters like Wee John and Frenchie.

Stede and Ed's relationship, the driving force of the plot, still falls flat because after everything it still feels like puppy love. They've spent at most two months in person together, and two weeks in a serious relationship. I don't really feel convinced that they actually love each other. Ed still doesn't know that Stede was kidnapped at the end of S1, or why he struggles to talk about his feelings. Ed still hasn't talked about why he feels he needs to leave piracy, or his issues feeling like he doesn't belong anywhere in life. Their habit of running away the MOMENT things get hard just makes me not care about them.

I blame the size of the Izzy fandom on the fact that if you don't buy into the leads, there's almost nothing left here to sink your teeth into. The moment the show seems like they'll talk about it they hard pivot.

I hope S3ep1 happens after a LONG time jump. I want these fuckers to be snippy like two people snowed into a cabin for months. Sick of each other and bitching back and forth like no tomorrow. S3 is about genuinely breaking down their walls. Until then, I'll stick with Izzy, the Canyon, and his depressing version of this reality.

[astrronomemes]

THE ILLUSTRATED MAN: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1951 Ray Bradbury novel, The Illustrated Man. change & alter as needed.

"Do you know where I can find a job?"

"You'll be sorry you asked me to stay. Everyone always is."

"You smoke a little more every morning, and drink a little more every afternoon, and need a little more sedative every night."

"Long before you knew what death was, you were wishing it on someone else. When you were two years old, you were shooting people with cap pistols."

"Nothing ever likes to die — even a room."

"There's a chance we'll be found."

"I know how you feel, [name]. I don't take it personally."

"I don't know why I said that. I guess I wanted to hurt you."

"There wasn't anything there for me, or you, or anybody like us. I've never been sorry I left."

"[Name], I can't be made to do nothing like that."

"It doesn't matter who I am. I'd be just a name to you, anyhow."

"We destroyed everything and ruined everything, like the fools that we were and the fools that we are."

"What happens next is up to all of us."

"Haven't you heard? It's happened."

"Oh, I want to be home. I want to be home."

"You can't trust anyone anymore."

"[Name], if you don't understand, there's no way of telling you."

"This is what I came looking for. I didn't know it, but this is it."

"You're crying like a baby. Stop it."

"Stay if you like. But I'm going on, with the others, as far as I can go."

"It's been a long time, a long, long time, since I relaxed."

"We've enough food for another two days if we're careful."

"I'm not crazy yet, but I'm the next thing to it. I don't want to go out that way."

"Promise me you won't be like me."

"Next time I come home, I'm home to stay."

"We have reached a new land, so we must have new eyes. We shall hear new sounds, and must needs have new ears."

"Love has to do with humor, doesn't it? For you cannot love someone unless you put up with him, can you? And you cannot put up with someone constantly unless you can laugh at him. Isn't that true?"

"I haven't feared death for a good many years, [name]."

"Can't you recognize the human in the inhuman?"

"May I come again, someday, that I may learn from you?"

"What would you do if you knew that this was the last night of the world?"

"It's not a matter of deserving. It's just that things didn't work out."

"I'll have nothing to do with you terrible people!"

"War begets war. Destruction begets destruction."

"Memories, as my father once said, are porcupines. To hell with them! Stay away from them! They make you unhappy. They ruin your work. They make you cry."

"You die each day, and each day is a box, you see, all numbered and neat. But never go back and lift the lids, because you've died a couple thousand times in your life, and that's a lot of corpses, each dead a different way, each with a worse expression. Each of those days is a different you, somebody you don't know or understand, or want to understand."

"We're all fools all the time. It's just we're a different kind each day. We think, I'm not a fool today. I've learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday, but not this morning. Then tomorrow, we find out that, yes, we were a fool today, too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we're not perfect, and live accordingly."

"I'm getting worse, aren't I? I thought so. This morning, when I woke up, I thought, I'm getting worse."

"I've never enjoyed myself so much in my life."

"You've got the wrong person. My name is not [name]."

"The rabbits may hide in the forest, but a fox can always find them."

"Really, you've both been incredibly romantic, running away from your responsibilities."

"The car's in the repair shop. It'll be ready at four this afternoon. Then we'll get the hell out."

"Don't you realize what'll happen when they discover your talent? They'll fight over you. They'll kill each other, kill you, for the right to own you."

"Oh, but I don't belong to anybody. No, not even you."

"Your first night out in years, and you go home at ten o'clock."

"I recall that I was quite firm on the subject."

"You won't mind waiting a moment, will you? I have to make a phone call."

"In order to make a good fight, you got to have a new way of surprising people."

"Someone should go who could tell it well on returning. You have a way with words."

"I will buy your ticket today. You can leave next week."

"I can go, can't I? And you'll like me when I come back?"

"We will remember it for always, [name]. We will never forget."

"You're the best father in the world."

[nightmarewritings]

How the Slachers (Michael, Jason, Brahms and Vincent Sinclair) would react if one of the victims flirted with them (a way to distract themselves to survive) and at this point their beloved reader arrived and was upset and hurt by confusing the situation where for them the Slachers were cheating on with the victim ... and soon after seeing that the reader left, they ran away crying with a broken heart. What will happen next?

Thank you for the request! I might be a little rusty with Michael, but I hope these are fine! Under a cut because of both length and slight mentions of graphic violence.

Michael Myers

Michael won't hesitate, at best they've managed to temporarily confuse him, but it was just long enough for you to come in, get the wrong idea, and leave crying.

The flirty victim is dispatched rather quickly afterwards. Their strategy failed completely and they wound up with a rather gnarly decapitation. Honestly, he's more annoyed than anything.

Michael won't go and find you immediately after unless that was the last victim around. He's brutal and efficient and wouldn't risk losing his prey. Besides, he's good at hunting, it won't take him long to find you again.

For a guy as efficient and scary as Michael, he does have a sense of theatricality. So he's bringing you their head, tossing it at your feet to show you how he felt about both you (that no one can compete) and the victim (that their advances meant nothing to him). It's not sweet in a traditional sense, but it's the thought that counts.

Jason Voorhees

Jason is no stranger to people trying to beg or barter their way out of death, but his rules are pretty clear: you trespass, you die. Things got complicated when you showed up just in time to hear them try and flirt their way out, running away crying immediately after.

Also kills them quickly, with a swipe of his machete. Jason's not tempted by anything they have to offer.

Unlike Michael, Jason's gonna track you down ASAP. Won't think to bring any of their body along, by the time the flirty victim is dead they're not on his mind anymore. His other victims can wait, they're not gonna make it out no matter what (and if he doesn't get them, his traps will). He's just focused solely on you.

Once he finds you, and he WILL find you, he knows the area better than anyone, Jason's gonna do his best to explain. He can't talk, but hopefully the blood splatter on him, his expression, and the bear hug he pulls you into is proof enough that he only has eyes for you.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is PISSED. How dare they think they're worthy of him? Only his nanny comes close! (Too insulted that they think they're in his league to realize it's a strategy they're trying and they’re not really into him). Still, you saw just enough to get the wrong idea and run away.

Brahms leaves a messy corpse in the hall, and is back in the walls searching the entire house until he finds you.

If you left, he'll be heartbroken. It would take a lot to get him to leave the mansion, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, it's not like you'll get very far, you either arrived by cab or he messed up your car shortly after he realized you were perfect for him so you couldn’t leave. So you're still on the grounds somewhere.

Unlike the others, Brahms will be very vocal about what happened and his disgust in them. Of course your Brahmsy wouldn't be interested in that awful person! He only wants you, he chose you! Now you have to praise him and give him a kiss as a reward for getting rid of the intruder. He's kinda/very self-centered and man-childish, but he does care about you.

Vincent Sinclair

Tilts his head and listens. He knows they're lying, just trying to find a way out of their situation, but he finds their desperation kinda amusing. He knows they're not really into him (this boy has such low self-esteem) so it's kinda funny to him that they're trying to flirt. His amusement turns to shock and despair when you happen to walk in at the exact wrong moment, and subsequently run away.

In that moment, Vincent feels a combination of extreme rage and sorrow. Blames both the flirty victim and himself for you leaving. That flirty fool is D E A D and certainly won't have a place in town as a wax figure.

You may have fled, but you're not getting out of Ambrose. One of the twins will find you; either Bo will find you and keep you there until Vincent arrives, or Vincent himself will find you. Regardless, the result is the same.

Vincent takes you to the messy remains, being very gentle and kind with you to show that his feelings towards you haven't changed. He wants you to know they were just a desperate person acting out of fear, and it didn't work. For a long time afterwards he's a lot more physically affectionate with you, worried you might doubt his commitment again.

[trashcatsnark]

I have a small Silverhand question. Have you seen videos where something happens that it's so hysterical that people are laughing so hard, they can't help but to roll on the floor laughing?

What do you think would make Johnny laugh that hard?

Hmm, I dont know if much gets Johnny laughing that hard since he ya know is a little bit repressed when it comes to expressing emotions that arent anger or annoyance. I think his sense or humor is largely sarcastic, kinda dark, can be a...little mean, and immature at times at well.  So, things that make Johnny laugh in general.

-People falling or getting hurt: not horrifically so, I'm not saying the dude is full cruel sadist or anything like that. But if he sees someone trip, slip, or fall unless theres like a serious injury, he's laughing and taunting them before he ever considers offering help. One time V tripped over a body on a gig and he made fun of and laughed at them for a good while after. Maybe if someome failed at something or fell in ridiculous enough fashion, he'd fall over laughing.

-Banter: may not be the full rolling on the floor laughter, but he gets such a kick out of his and V's back and forth. He loves when people arent afraid to roast him back and relationships where you basically affectionately bully each other.

-Childish/immature teasing, playfighting: Johnny loves bugging and irritating people, look at the quest where he does the noir narration and the more annoyed V is the more he does it. He loves that childish sort of teasing, he's the kind of guy who'd do the think of nearly touching you, but he's not touching you to annoy people. He likes finding ways to embarass people in the same way, he finds it funny. He also loves getting into childish like play fights where he'll poke, flick, or somehow incite it and the person does it back. And next thing you know they're both play wrestling on the ground, like kids trying to pester each other and cracking up about it. If anyone here watches Good Mythical Morning, theres an old episode where they were testing like homemade exercise equipment and Link snaps the rubber band of it against Rhett and next thing you know these 40 year old men are children again, wrestling to snap each other with the band, kicking at each other, smacking eqch other with the foam padded equipment; red faced and laughing the whole time while one of their staff members Stevie is just heard off camera going "What has this become?" I can so imagine Kerry and Johnny back in the day getting into those sort of play fights and Nancy being the one like "what has this become?! Boys!"

-Dark Humor: to be clear, I dont mean like disparaging or offensive humor when I say dark humor. I mean like, how when V says "step number five, oda zeros us and pisses on our corpses" and you can see Johnny grinning and trying not to laugh in the background. Like that kinda morbid blunt humor that can just catch him a little off guard.

-Vines/Vine humor: Johnny is a millennial okay, look me in the eye and tell me he didnt like Vine. (Its so cringe, bad taste, and probably ooc, but my brain is telling me he opened at least one show by saying dicks out for harambe) He was also probably the kind of guy who mocked tiktok, until he realized how much stuff had "vine energy".

Edit: I ALMOST FORGOT, and this may be in bad taste, but it is Johnny, I headcanon that when Johnny gets his body back at some point him and V (mostly V) are asked to watch River's niece and nephew(s) (depending on if Randy is back at home) and Johnny, being Johnny, teaches them swear words and to yell ACAB at River when he comes home and River's reaction to that may have sent Johnny rolling on the floor. And River's just standing there like "IM NOT EVEN A COP ANYMORE!!!???"

[xiyao-feels]

Nie//yao (MDZS)

So NMJ/JGY is actually getting two versions, because my read on them is wildly different for MDZS vs CQL.

In MDZS I...don't ship it? I mean, there just doesn't seem to be to be anything there at all of a romantic or sexual nature. It's not that they don't care about each other, they clearly do, but it's in a way that is...NMJ as substitute father, JGY as substitute brother, and heavily, heavily inflected by their (current and then former) relationship as superior and subordinate.

Putting this behind a cut because a) it's me explaining at breath length with quotes why I don't think they have a romantic or sexual relationship and I don't want people to have to see that unless they want and b) accordingly it is REALLY LONG and I also don't want to clutter people's dashes, so.

Actually backing up a step, I don't see MDZS NMJ as being attracted to anyone, that's not really specific to JGY. I tend to read him as aspec, tbh. So theoretically he could have romantic feelings about JGY without being attracted to him—I think he may have some quasi-romantic feelings for LXC, though I don't think he conceptualizes it that way—but... honestly, it's not really clear to me that he even likes JGY as a person.

I'm not saying he doesn't like JGY! He clearly does, at least before MY tricks him and flees. But it doesn't seem to have anything to do with MY's personality, as opposed to like—MY being really competent and conducting himself well.

Some quotes about what exactly NMJ values about JGY:

'Nie MingJue interrupted him, “I promoted you not because I wanted you to give back anything out of gratitude. I simply thought that you should stay in this position, since you are capable enough and your conduct is to my liking. If you really want to pay me back, just kill a few more of those Wen-dogs on the battlefield!”'

'After [Meng Yao] left [for Langya], Nie MingJue switched to another deputy. Wei WuXian, however, felt that the new one was always a few beats slower. Meng Yao was an unusually clever talent. He could understand what wasn’t said, and perform to the best with the simplest orders. He was efficient and never slacked. Anyone used to him wouldn’t be able to refrain from comparing him with others.'

'Nie MingJue was never close to people. He rarely opened up to anyone. Though he finally managed to obtain a competent, trustworthy subordinate, whose character and capabilities he approved, he found that the subordinate’s true colors were nothing like what he had thought they were. It was only natural that his reaction was so extreme.'

'Wei WuXian had once found it strange as well. Ever since Meng Yao betrayed the QingheNie Sect, the relationship between Nie MingJue and him hadn’t been the same as before. Then why did they later become sworn brothers? From his observations, aside from how Lan XiChen brought it up, having always hoped that the two would reconcile, the most important factor was probably the gratitude of saving his life and writing the letters. To be precise, in his past battles, he had more-or-less depended on the information that Meng Yao sent over through Lan XiChen. He still thought that Jin GuangYao was a talented person whom one would rarely come upon, and intended on leading him back onto the right path. However, Jin GuangYao wasn’t his subordinate anymore. Only after they became sworn brothers would he have the status and the position to urge Jin GuangYao, like how he disciplined his younger brother, Nie HuaiSang.'

Jin GuangYao spoke with dejection, “But, Brother, didn’t you hear what he said in the oath? Every sentence meant something more. ‘Face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb’—this was clearly a warning for me. I… I’ve never heard of such an oath before.”

Lan XiChen replied in a gentle voice, “He said ‘if one were to think otherwise’. Do you think otherwise? If not, then why should you worry over it so much?"

Jin GuangYao, “I don’t, but Brother has already decided that I do, so what can I do?”

Lan XiChen, “He has always cherished your talent, hoping that you would choose the right path.”

You might notice a recurring theme here: there's a lot of focus JGY's competence and conduct. But anything about who JGY is as a person? Not so much.

They clearly had a good superior/subordinate relationship going on, albeit one in which NMJ was missing a lot of context (see just behave well and show people up, plus the you're missing a solid foundation thing). But it does seem to be basically professional. WWX describes them as conversing "peaceably, even impressively" in contrast to "his future self, always being scolded by Nie MingJue" and "those jokes of how 'LianFang-Zun fled whenever he heard that ChiFeng-Zun arrived,'" and.... that's kind of it. The closest we get to them as friends is them talking together with LXC after NMJ tells MY he will give him a letter of recommendation and send him to his father; as WWX describes it, "The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so."

That's definitely not nothing! But it's also the most we ever get, only shows up the once, and is explicitly contrasted with their conversation from earlier. Moreover, I'm pretty sure LXC's presence is a necessary part of things; NMJ tends to respond differently to LXC than to other people (even just earlier in this chapter, we're told that while "Nie MingJue had never been one for humour," "in front of Lan XiChen his expression eased"), and WWX explicitly notes LXC's conversation skills in the context of this conversation: "At this point in time, their relationship really isn't bad. Zewu-Jun is actually quite good at holding conversations, so why is Lan Zhan so bad at it?"

In addition, I'd say that looking at the early part of that conversation is quite telling; while LXC and MY are sitting together as equals, MY stand up at once the moment NMJ interrupts, and doesn't sit even after NMJ tells him to do so (I think he probably does take a seat at some point, but the narrative doesn't actually tell us when). Moreover, MY seems to be worried that NMJ will be offended by a possible lack of gratitude on MY's part ("Sect Leader Nie, if you heard everything, then you should've also heard me say that..."), and the only objection he expresses to leaving is precisely that he owes NMJ a debt of gratitude, not anything to do with, like, missing him. To me all the evidence suggests that while they had a close relationship, it was not a /personal/ relationship, but fundamentally one of superior and subordinate.

(For a close read of the scene where NMJ, LXC and MY are talking together, I highly recommend @confusion-and-more's post here)

Moving on, let's look at after JGY becomes JGY. They don't seem to particularly spend time together with each other, certainly not for the sake of it. There's a brief moment at the Flower Banquet where NMJ asks JGY why he's wasting his time with XY (who has not at this point in time committed his crime, he just has a reputation), but after JGY makes his excuse and scurries away, NMJ turns away and doesn't seem to seek him out or even pay him any particular attention for the rest of the scene; he only shows up once more, and that's following WWX. (And although JGY-as-replacement-NHS would be a post all on its own, I do think it's interesting to note that the exchange about XY is immediately followed by LXC and LWJ coming over, described in a way that highlights both their impressiveness and their status at brothers—their Twin Jade-ness, one might say.) During the guqin scene, NMJ only speaks once, and it's to address LXC—to protest the inappropriateness of LXC leaking exclusive Lan techniques. When JGY shows up to play the guqin for him the first time, NMJ asks JGY "what did you come here for," which suggests that NMJ is not generally expecting JGY to come by without a specific, concrete reason. The closest they ever seem to get after JGY becomes JGY is during these guqin-playing sessions, and as WWX describes it, "when playing the guqin, the way that the two conversed and got along even had a hint of the peace they had before they fell out"—which is certainly better than there being no peace at all, but which I think suggests there's still at least some tension, given that it's only a "hint."

Now, NMJ certainly cares about JGY, both in the sense of desiring his well-being, at first, and absolutely in the sense of being emotionally invested in him—even after his death, as a fierce corpse his only desire is to kill Jin Guangyao. But while they had a close superior-subordinate relationship—certainly NMJ seems to have felt close to MY—at no point was it a close personal relationship, and I don't think that NMJ even liked JGY (or MY, I'm using the name expansively) as a person, let alone was in love with him.

But mostly so far I've been focusing in NMJ's feelings. What about JGY? Is /he/ in love with NMJ?

Once again, I just don't read him that way. This isn't to say he didn't care for NMJ—he absolutely did! He goes to quite significant lengths to save his life from WRH in the Sun Palace, including quite a lot of risk to MY himself—I analyze that in a lot more depth in the first part of my post here, if you're interested, though I will also note now that he specifically sent for LXC to help NMJ. (You'll have to scroll down some; I'm responding to someone else's post.) Afterwards, he kneels to NMJ and apologizes, I think sincerely, for hurting him and for invoking his pain about his father's death. He certainly conceives of himself as owing a debt of gratitude to NMJ for recognizing him, and he's so overcome when NMJ offers to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation, saying that he didn't promote MY so that MY would owe him, that he quite remarkably can't even find words. NMJ meant a lot to him, and so did NMJ's not defining him in terms of his birth—until he did, of course, at the stairs kick incident. But as far as I can tell, there's nothing to suggest he has /romantic feelings/ for NMJ, and frankly—how can I put this—it does not at all surprise me that JGY isn't in love with someone with a violent temper who is noted at least twice to react to people explaining themselves when he is angry with even more anger, and that's even without the thing where he nearly killed JGY on multiple occasions and called him the son of a prostitute.

No, I think JGY's emotional journey with NMJ goes through three stages: first, he's deeply grateful to him and respects him a great deal, although he's also aware of NMJ's lack of awareness of certain social realities (see: the teacup scene, NMJ yelling at the other Nie cultivators about their treatment of MY and telling MY not to worry as long as his conduct is upright); second, after Sun Palace, still gratitude and respect but also a mounting frustration with his lack of awareness of the implications of JGY's social position and his hypocrisy re: acceptable violence; finally, after the stairs kick when NMJ kicks him down the stairs, almost kills him, and tells him what else can be expected from the son of a prostitute, he is completely done with NMJ, but is still very much scared of him. The gratitude, I've discussed; the frustration, I think is fairly obvious in the speech he gives back to NMJ at the stairs. But I think the fear is often undervalued, so I'm going to pull a bunch of quotes again:

Meng Yao shrunk immediately after his previous outburst. Watching Baxia slash toward him, he sprinted off at once, scared lifeless. Of the two, one striked with madness and the other fled with madness. Both staggered, still soaked in blood. In such amusing circumstances, as Wei WuXian chopped at the future Chief Cultivator, in his heart he split his sides laughing. He thought that if not for how Nie MingJue was under heavy injuries and lacked spiritual power, Meng Yao would probably have been dead already.

Baxia’s strikes were so menacing that Shuoyue had to unsheath. Lan XiChen stopped him, half to support his figure and half to block his attacks, “MingJue-xiong, calm down! Why bother?”

Nie MingJue, “Why don’t you ask what he did?!”

Lan XiChen turned around to look at Meng Yao, his face was full of terror. He stammered as if he didn’t dare speak.

Nie MingJue remained silent, while Baxia and Shuoyue continued. Meng Yao took a glimpse at the glares from the clashes of the saber and the sword, his gaze full of fear. After a while, however, he still took a step forward. He kneeled to Nie MingJue.

A moment later, Nie MingJue still raised his saber. Lan XiChen, “MingJue-xiong!”

Meng Yao shut his eyes. Lan XiChen also tightened his grip on Shuoyue, “Please excuse…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the silver light of the blade slashed down violently, onto a boulder on the side.

Meng Yao flinched from the thunder of the boulder splitting apart. Looking over, he saw that it had been sliced into two halves, from the top to the bottom.

Jin GuangYao nodded. Xue Yang had been infamous ever since he was young. Wei WuXian clearly felt Nie MingJue’s brows knit even tighter. He spoke, “Why are you wasting your time with such a person?”

Jin GuangYao, “The LanlingJin Sect recruited him.”

He didn’t dare to protest any further. Excuse being that he needed to care for the guests, he scurried to the other side.

[part of his speech to NMJ at the stairs] You think that I should be afraid of nothing? Well I'm afraid of everything, even other people!

Within the temple, three people called Nie MingJue’s corpse ‘Brother’ but the three tones were drastically different. Jin GuangYao’s face was full of a drowning fear. His entire body began to shiver. No matter dead or alive, the person Jin GuangYao was most scared of was none but this sworn brother of his whose temper tolerated no evil. As his body shivered, his hands shivered as well, and the bloody guqin string he clutched tightly in his hand also began to shiver.

Clenching his teeth, Jin GuangYao struck a few acupoints of his arm. Amidst the dizziness that came from a loss of blood, he suddenly saw Nie MingJue walk a step towards him, his eyes locked on him. He was immediately half-dead with fear.

Collapsed beside Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao saw this scene as well. Whether because the bleeding and the pain intensified at his arm and stomach or from some other reason, the glisten of tears could be seen in his eyes. But before he had a chance to catch his breath or lick his wounds, Nie MingJue turned around after he pulled his fist back and stared hungrily in his direction.

The harsh, stern expression on his rigid face held a sense of judgement that was no different from before he died. Even his tears had been scared away as Jin GuangYao turned to Lan XiChen for help, his voice trembling, “Brother…”

I think the stuff with, you know, handling NMJ's fierce corpse and hanging onto his head is often viewed as evidence of JGY's continued emotional investment in NMJ, but... I don't really think so? First of all, NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY. I'll spare you another round of quotes on that because this is already ridiculously long and because it's not at all subtle—it's all over the temple chapters, take a look! And second of all—well, there's ways of getting information from a corpse. In this case, NMJ's resentful energy is so strong that without the protection of his body, papernan WWX is actually sucked into NMJ's memories against his will! Sure, maybe no one would risk it, and maybe no one who risked it would survive, but especially given that NMJ's fierce corpse is completely obsessed with killing JGY, that's a heck of a risk to take. And look at the description of the protections around NMJ's head:

Suddenly, Wei WuXian noticed that one of the shelves were blocked by a curtain. The curtain was covered in sinister, blood-red runes. It was a talisman of forbiddance, one of extreme power.

Jin GuangYao walked over and lifted the curtain.

For a split second, Wei WuXian thought that he had been exposed. After the faint firelight made its way through the curtain, he found that he was enveloped in a shadow. A circular object just happened to be in front of him.

Jin GuangYao stood still, as though he was staring into the eyes of whatever was inside this shelf.

After a moment, he spoke, “Were you the one looking at me?"

Of course, there couldn’t be any response. He was silent for a while, then let down the curtain.

Wei WuXian quietly attached himself to the object. Cold and hard, it seemed to be a helmet. He then turned to the front. As he had expected, he saw a pallid face. The one who sealed the head wanted it to see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing, and so incantations had been crowded onto the waxen skin. The eyes, the ears, and the mouth were all sealed tightly shut.

There's containment, it's suppressed to all hell and back, and JGY quite justifiably expects it to be murderously obsessed with him, but to me it doesn't suggest a reciprocal obsession—just more fear.

I'll also note that as a strategy for containing the information about his own involvement it's a very successful operation! It failed in the end /eventually/, but the failure needed:

someone who could successfully break into his private treasure room and escape without being caught

who could also perform Empathy or a similar tecnnique on NMJ's head and survive it

who could successfully recreate from memory the altered Empathy song

whom LXC would be willing to listen to

That's a heck of a tall order!

As to being done with NMJ after the stairs, well, listen to what he says to LXC:

Jin GuangYao spoke with dejection, “But, Brother, didn’t you hear what he said in the oath? Every sentence meant something more. ‘Face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb’—this was clearly a warning for me. I… I’ve never heard of such an oath before.”

[...]

Jin GuangYao, “It’s not that I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, but that sometimes I really can’t help. Nowadays, I have it bad no matter which side I’m on. I have to ensure that I’m on everyone’s good sides. I wouldn’t care if it were someone else, but have I mistreated our eldest brother in any way? Brother, you heard as well. What did he call me?”

[...]

Jin GuangYao was almost sobbing, “If he could say such a thing when he was angry, then just how does he think of me on a daily basis? Is it that because I couldn’t choose my background, because my mother couldn’t choose her fate, I’ll have to be humiliated by others throughout my whole life? If so, then how is Brother different from the people who look down on me? No matter what I do, in the end, just a sentence and I’m ‘the son of a prostitute’.”

And then of course there's what he says to LXC, in his speech to him at the end: "You, on the other hand, ZeWu-Jun, Sect Leader Lan, are as intolerant of me as Nie MingJue—you refuse to spare me even a single breath of life!"

So—wow, this got very long—I don't ship them, and although I think they have very much mattered emotionally to each other, I don't really see them as ever having been in love with or attracted to each other.

A couple of end notes:

In MDZS, NMJ isn't the first (non-MS) person who recognizes MY's worth, although he is the first person to promote him; by the time NMJ promotes MY MY has already met, rescued, and exchanged intimate confidences with LXC, who respects him greatly and thinks he is highly talented (see again the conversation in Hejian which NMJ overhears/eavedrops on).

I've seen people talk about them not understanding each other, but while NMJ certainly doesn't understand JGY, it's not at all obvious that the reverse is true; he generally seems to understand him pretty well. I think he has two surprises overall: first, that he wasn't expecting NMJ to say he didn't promote MY so MY would owe him, and volunteer to send him to his father with a letter of recommendation—and second, he wasn't expecting NMJ, who for all his flaws did seem to ignore JGY's background in good ways as well as bad, to call him the son of a prostitute.

I definitely don't read the coffin at the end as romantic. Or I mean, uh, there's the romance of an obsessive stalker-murderer finally getting his victim, and that's not nothing (unironically; look, I'm a Hannibal fan), but I don't think it's usually what people mean. This is a shitty end for JGY, part of how thoroughly he loses and is destroyed. I think to some extent it might be that he doesn't want LXC to be the one who killed him, and to some extent it's an act of defiance—now that he has nothing to lose, not even his life, he's going to go out fighting. I would expand on this but this post is ridiculously long and I have way too many quotes, maybe I'll do it in a separate post later on—but if you look at the description of it in the text, plus the subsequent description of it in the coffin...yeah. JGY didn't want to die, he didn't want to be engaged in a mutually destructive thing with NMJ; he wanted to leave NMJ behind in the past, and move on. It's not, for him any kind of fulfillment, is my read.

All quotes are taken from the Exiled Rebels translation: ch 48-50 for everything about NMJ and JGY's past relationship, ch. 47 for the description of JGY's containment measures for NMJ's head, and ch. 106-108 for the quotes about JGY's fear of NMJ's fierce corpse. The description of JGY going into the coffin is at the end of 108 if you want to have a look, and there's more in 109 and 110 about the difficulty of sealing NMJ's fierce corpse/its power and violence.

[marril96]

Breaking Point

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Everyone has a breaking point. Upon learning of Lucifer's return, Rowena has reached hers. Sam and Dean are helpless, and it's up to reader to calm her down.

Warning: Dean is kinda OOC. When I wrote this, I was mad at him (still am) and took it out on him in this fic.

Editor: @oswinthestrange

Read on AO3.

Unbinding her true power was supposed to give Rowena some peace of mind, but she still couldn't feel safe.

She still woke up screaming and covered in cold sweat from head to toe.

She would still randomly burst into tears and spend an hour, minimum, weeping.

All the doors in the house still had to be kept wide open, and you still had to announce your presence every time you were about to enter a room she was in.

She still wouldn't leave the house, preferring to sip her tea in the living room, curled up on the couch. The only time she went out was when you were going somewhere. She wouldn't say it out loud, but it was as obvious as day that she didn't want to be left alone. She didn't want you to leave her alone.

Again.

You knew Rowena didn't blame you for what happened, but you still felt guilty. You shouldn't have left her alone that horrible day. You shouldn't have gotten so angry and stormed out to cool off.

You hadn't gotten angry at her since.

When the Winchesters called, claiming they had a lead and requiring assistance, Rowena was quick to say yes. You told her it was a bad idea; dealing with the brothers had brought the both of you more trouble than they were worth. But she was adamant on going. She needed to get her mind off things, and what better way for a traumatized witch to distract herself than to help out two hunters in need?

So you went.

You could have easily refused to go. Rowena wouldn't have gone without you. But it was hard to say no to that pleading look on her face. She needed this. Who were you to take it away from her?

Once you arrived to the bunker and Sam and Dean explained what exactly they needed help with, you wished you had stayed home.

"He's here?"

There was absolute panic in Rowena's voice, the kind you'd only seen after she'd wake up from a particularly bad nightmare. Her eyes widened, tears gathering inside of them. Swallowing hard, she pushed them back and took a deep breath. Then another, and another. But no matter how hard she tried to remain calm, her peace was gone.

As it turned out, Lucifer wasn't in another dimension anymore. He was here, in America, roaming free without a care in the world.

And the Winchesters needed Rowena's help to find him.

"Been here a while," Dean said, eyes firmly settled on Rowena. His face was rid of all emotion, his gaze blank, unreadable.

"And you didn't think to let us know?" you said angrily, shooting each of them a glare. They knew what Rowena had been through at his hands, knew how traumatized it left her. At the very least they could have texted.

Sam at least had the decency to look apologetic. "We found a way to kill him."

"Archangel blade," Dean clarified. "A bitch to find, but we got it." He narrowed his eyes at Rowena. "All that's left is finding Lucifer. That's where you come in."

Rowena looked mortified. "Y-you want me to l-look for him?" Her lips were trembling, along with the rest of her body, her voice breaking with each word.

Instinctively, you laid a hand on her shoulder, giving a light, comforting squeeze. I'm here, your gesture said. Don't be afraid. I'm here. Her muscles were tense, but she relaxed a bit under your touch.

"That's the idea," Dean said. "You find him, we gank him, case closed."

Rowena gulped. "No," she all but whispered. "I can't."

The elder Winchester narrowed his eyes at her. "I know Sam gave you the page. Don't tell me you don't have your power back, 'cause that's bull." He leaned forward in his chair, looking her directly in the eyes. His stern expression told he was in no mood for games. "A superwitch like you won't have any trouble finding the big, bad devil."

"I'm not saying I can't find him. I'm saying that I won't!" Rowena snapped.  

You tightened your hold on her, but it was pointless. Her breathing fastened, heart beating rapidly, like a bomb nearing explosion. You glanced at Dean incredulously, teeth clenching, burning with anger. Since when was he so cruel? He and Rowena had had their differences, but he never acted this way. He was so kind to her last year. What in the hell happened to him?

Dean sighed. "Look, I know–"  

"You know nothing!" Rowena exclaimed, throwing her arms up for emphasis.

"Listen, you're our only shot at getting rid of him once and for all," Sam said. His tone, unlike that of his brother, radiated with compassion rather than strictness. "I know you're scared, but you have your power back now. You just have to locate him. We'll deal with the rest."

"How can you even ask that?" you said, incredulous. You expected Sam, at least, to know better.

"We don't exactly have other choices," Dean said. "We're not happy to be working with you guys, either, but business is business."

Re-traumatizing your girlfriend wasn't business.

It was heartless.

"And you couldn't tell us this over the phone?" you asked.

"We could've, but…" Dean said nonchalantly, leaving the sentence hanging.

The implication, however, was clear.

"You knew we'd say no."

It was both a statement and accusation. There was no point in being nice anymore. These people used to be your friends. There was a time when you thought Rowena was the enemy. When you first met her, she was in chains, locked up and forced to translate the Book of the Damned. Sam had brought you in to play babysitter. Instead, you'd grown close to her and, when she'd broken free, followed her into a new life of witchcraft, magic, and adventure. You'd fallen for her shortly after, and with time you taught her it was okay to let herself love you back.

You'd lost her to Lucifer twice.

You weren't going to risk losing her the third time. Not when even the mere mention of his name brought her to tears and reawakened painful memories.

Dean shrugged. "Like I said – business."

"I won't do it," Rowena said. Tears broke free, spilling down her cheeks like a waterfall. "I can't see him again."

"You don't have to–"

"You know how locator spell works! I'd have to lead you to him!" she exclaimed.

"You just have to take us to the general area he's in. We'll take it from there."

"He'll know I'm there. He always knows."

A sob escaped her.

"He probably already knows I'm alive."

Panic set in her eyes again. Gasp after gasp tore from her mouth, breathing turning frantic, as if her lungs wanted to break free from the confinement of her chest.

"He's going to find me."

Her eyes found yours, and you wanted to weep. Rowena wasn't supposed to look so completely, utterly broken.

"Y/N, he's going to find me."

"No, sweetheart. He's not," you said. If Lucifer knew she was alive, he would have already come after her. He wouldn't wait this long to try to kill her for the third time.

"He's looking for me," Rowena said, wildly gesturing with her hands. "We have to-we have to go. We have to hide."

"We'll go home, okay? Just, please, calm down."

"How can I calm down when he's after me?!" she shrieked. "What if he finds us at home?"

"He can't. Cloaking spell, remember?" The two of you cast that spell months ago for the sole reason of hiding from Lucifer. You knew your magic was nothing in comparison to hers, but together, you were pretty much unstoppable. No one could find you unless you wanted to be found. Especially now that she was back at full power. "No one can locate us. And even if he somehow manages to find our house, he can't get through the warding."

"He can burn the house with us inside of it."

Rowena's eyes widened, mouth and hands trembling as horrifying memories flooded her mind, as fresh as the day they were created. Trying to push them back, she shook her head rapidly. But no matter how hard she resisted, they persisted. They flashed before her eyes, and with them came the pain she thought she'd never have to go through again. Long-ago healed wounds stung. Her skin burned. Piercing pain shot through her head, right behind her eyes – eyes that had once melted upon meeting Lucifer's true face.

"I-I can't go through that again. I can't burn again!"

Watching her fall apart shattered you. Your own mind flashed back to that hotel room of horrors. You were only supposed to be gone for an hour, just to cool off. You were gone for two. And in that time, Lucifer had mercilessly tortured and murdered your girlfriend.

All that was left of her was a charred corpse and a lock of hair neatly laid on the bed.

You stayed with her as she healed. For a long while she couldn't speak or hear anything. But with her senses returning also came the horror. Being unable to talk didn't mean she couldn't make other kinds of noises.

Those helpless, terrified moans still haunted your dreams.  

As soon as you were certain she could hear the sound of your voice, you let her know that you were there. It calmed her a bit, but she was still in pain, still moaning and groaning like she wanted to jump out of her skin.

Or rather, her bones, as for a long time she hadn't had any skin.

The worst part was that you couldn't touch her. It took over a day for her skin to completely grow back. It was only then that you dared to reach for her hand, frightened to death that you were going to hurt her.

She held on for dear life and hadn't let go until she was fully healed.

"And you won't. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you," you promised, looking her in the eyes to let her know that you meant it.

"You can't protect me. No one can protect me," Rowena rambled. "Not even my magic. He-he's too strong. I can't… I can't protect myself. I thought I could, but I can't."

She stepped away from you, walking over to the wall. Leaning her forehead against it, she took deep breaths. Her hands frantically tapped against her thighs. Magic danced over her fingertips, purple and bright, like sparks of electricity shooting through and from her body.

"I can't do this," Rowena whispered. "This is too much. I can't. I can't." Then, she shouted at the top of her lungs, "I can't!"

Following her outburst, purple energy tore from her body. Furniture crashed, paintings fell, walls cracked, all under the force of the impact. Glass shattered, pieces falling everywhere, covering every inch of the room. Sam and Dean were knocked from their chairs, landing on their backs. You slammed against the wall opposite Rowena, sharp pain piercing your back as it collided with the hard surface.

"What the hell?!" Dean exclaimed.

He and Sam slowly got back on their feet, looking between themselves, then to you, and finally to Rowena.

"What was that?" Sam asked.

"I can't take this anymore!" Rowena wept, hands covering her face to hide her tears. Each sob was followed by a flash of purple pulsating through her, lingering over her skin for a second before being absorbed back into her body. As if struck by an earthquake, the ground began to shake. Broken furniture and glass shards crackled, chiming like a xylophone.

"Knock it off!" Dean exclaimed.

"Rowena!" you called, struggling to regain your footing. You wanted to cry, but you kept your tears at bay. You girl needed you. There would be time for you later. Right now, it was all about her. "Sweetheart, please, stop!"

"He's never gone! No matter what I do, where I go, he always finds me! Why can't he leave me alone?" she cried. Each word was emphasized by stronger shaking. "What have I ever done to him?"

"Nothing, sweetheart. You've done nothing," you told her. "Lucifer's a monster. That isn't on you."

"He'll hurt me!"

"No. Never again," you said decisively. "I promise you, he'll never even look at you again. I won't let him."

"No! I can't lose you, too!" Rowena exclaimed, throwing her hands around in a panicking manner. Lightning shot from her palms, one spark connecting with the floor and the other hitting the wall behind Sam and Dean, missing their heads for a mere inch.

"Damn it, Rowena! Stop this!" Dean barked.

"I don't think she can," Sam said.

"Yeah, well, she should," his brother muttered.

Ignoring them, you kept your eyes firmly on Rowena. "You're not gonna lose me. You're stuck with me forever. It's why you gave me the Seal, remember? So I can annoy you for centuries to come." You gave her a small smile. "We're gonna be okay, sweetheart. I promise."

"Liar!" she exclaimed, another blast of magic ripping from her body and rummaging the room.

The walls were cracked, their neat, light surfaces turning dark and charred. You found yourself against the wall again. A small scream escaped you, but you were quick to get back on your feet. Pain pulsated through your body, twisting and turning in your back, like a hand dragging sharp nails underneath your skin. You ignored it, instead focusing on Rowena.

This is nothing, you told yourself, breathing heavily. She hadn't meant to hurt you. Even when she was evil and pushed her feelings down in favor of an emotionless mask, she hadn't purposely harmed you. This wasn't her – it was the pain.

"I'm not," you said through heavy breaths. The remnants of her magic lingered in the air. Getting comfortable on your feet, you pushed your body forward. One step at a time, you slowly started your way towards her. The invisible magic was thick, its tiny threads gluing to your skin like cobwebs. It felt as if someone had spilled wet, slimy substance all over you and no matter what you did, you couldn't wash it off. "I've never lied to you."

"I don't want your pity!" Rowena yelled.

"It's not pity, I swear."

She glared at you, seemingly angry, but no matter what kind of façade she put on, she could never hide the hurt in her eyes. Those brilliant forest greens, usually so fully of life and now rimmed red and full of tears, held pain you'd never seen before. You'd seen people die; you'd seen those torn apart by monsters and those who'd put a gun to their head, and none of their eyes had borne that look. Some were similar, but none were anywhere close to the level of pain Rowena exhibited.

You thought you understood her, but now you realized you weren't anywhere close to grasping what she was going through. Just how traumatized was she? How much pain was she in?

"Okay, red, that's enough," Dean suddenly said, startling you from your thoughts. Turning to look at him, your eyes widened in shock at the gun he held in his hand.

The gun perfectly aimed at Rowena.

"No!" you screamed. Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself to run. Your legs were heavy, the magic holding you back, but you fought it with everything you had.  

"Dean, what are you doing?" you heard Sam ask.

You paid him no mind. Getting to Rowena was most important.

Finally reaching her, you positioned herself in front of her, shielding her from possible harm.

"I won't let you!" you hissed through rushed breaths.

"She's gonna kill us!" Dean said.

"Wha-kill?" you said incredulously. "She's just scared! Put that thing down! I'm not letting you hurt her!"

"Dean," Sam said warningly, reaching for the gun.

Dean let out a long, hard sigh. Lowering his weapon, he allowed Sam to take it and lay it down on the floor, eyes never leaving yours, threat clear in them.

You made sure to give back as good as you got. Rowena was terrified and in pain. She'd done plenty of horrible things in her four centuries on this Earth, but this time she had no bad intentions. If she could control this, she would have put a stop to it ages ago.

The problem was that she couldn't.

"Help her," Sam said, motioning towards your weeping girlfriend.

Giving a nod, you turned to Rowena. She was staring ahead, straight at the gun by Sam's feet. Her hands nervously tapped her thighs, fingers curling and dancing against the thin, expensive fabric of her pants. The entirety of her was shaking. Her knees were wobbly, and you wondered how she'd managed to remain on her feet.

"Rowena?" you said gently. It took some willpower, but you managed to get your breathing under control, at least a bit "It's okay. No one's gonna hurt you."

Rowena stayed silent. You wondered if she'd heard you. Then, a few moments later, her gaze shifted. Her eyes found yours, and it took all your self-control not to fall apart. It was one thing to watch her from across the room. To see her so vulnerable, so broken and shattered up close was heartbreaking.

"I'm scared, Y/N," she said in a small voice, lips trembling with every word.

"I know, sweetie," you told her.

"It hurts."

"I know."

"I-it hurts so much, I can't breathe!"

You couldn't hold your tears back anymore. "I know, sweetie. Let me help you."

"No one can help me," she said with a shake of her head. Her voice grew quiet, lowering to a whisper.

"I can try."

"Why? Why do you care?" she asked. "I'm just a wicked witch. I've done horrible things. I've brought Lucifer into our lives. I've made your life a nightmare. Why would you want to help someone like me?"

"Because I love you," you said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I don't care what happened before. All I care about is you. You've done some bad things. So what? So have I. So has everyone. What matters is that you've changed. And even if you hadn't, I'd still be here. I love you for you. Nothing else matters to me."

For a while Rowena just stared. Then her legs gave out and she fell on her knees. Sobs overcame her. She brought her hands to her head and buried her face in them, weeping into her palms. You wasted no time, instantly kneeling next to her and pulling her into an embrace. She let you hold her, let you cradle her like a child while she cried, inconsolably, brokenly, into your chest, drenching your shirt with her tears.

"It's gonna be okay," you cooed like a mother consoling a child. "Everything's gonna be okay. I've got you, sweetie."

"I can't see him again," Rowena whimpered.

"You won't. Never again."

She relaxed in your hold, magic calming, purple glow melting back into her body. The room stopped shaking, the heaviness leaving the air.

"That's it, sweetie," you praised. "Good girl."

"I've hurt you," Rowena said.

"Don't worry about it. I'm okay. Just relax." You caressed her hair, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her scalp. "Let's go home, okay?"

You shot Sam and Dean a glare as you said it, warning clear in your eyes. You were leaving. They were weren't going to force you into staying. No more tricks and threats.

They seemed to get the point, as they nodded in agreement.

Rowena gave a small nod of her own. You got up first, then helped her to her feet and put an arm around her for balance. Her hand grabbed onto yours, tiny fingers squeezing tightly. She leaned onto you as you walked, head resting against your chest.

"One more thing." You stopped by the door, turning the look at the Winchesters. "Don't call us. Don't look for us. Don't even think about us. I don't ever wanna see either of you again."

And with that you were out the door, leaving the bunker and its residents in your past. From now on it was just you and Rowena. No forced allies. No frenemies. No sucking up in exchange for favors. Just you and your girl against the world.

When you got home a couple hours later, you took her to bed and held her. You held her and held her and held her for hours, your arms her shelter, her haven. You would protect her, no matter what it took. Even if you had to die in the process, you would keep her safe. Lucifer would never lay his hands on her again.

It took some time for Rowena's tears to dry and for her breathing to return to its regular pace. She remained still, and you let her, neither of you willing to disturb the peace and ruin the blissful moment.

"Darling?" she said, nuzzling your chest.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Thank you for being there.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for loving me.

A smile spread across your mouth. "Anything for you."

She knew you meant it.

Lucifer may be back, but he couldn't get to her. Not while she was with you, in this warded home, guarded by her unlocked power.

And even if he had, he would regret showing up at her door again.

Rowena may be broken, but she had all the power and wasn't afraid to use it. And, unlike last time, she wasn't alone.

A/N: Inspired by Various & Sundry Villains, as well as the scenes in The Vampire Diaries where Elena and Caroline (respectively) have breakdowns following their loved ones' deaths.

Tags: @apritelleorai @darktweet @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @christinalibertymikaelson @violinmyhead @royalrowena @supwhorecorp @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife

[jepleurs-icry]

Raising Awareness for Animal Welfare

A Letter From A Shelter Manager I think our society needs a huge "Wake-up" call. As a shelter manager, I am going to share a little insight with you all...a view from the inside if you will. First off, all of you irresponsible breeders/sellers/buyers should be made to work in the "back" of an animal shelter for just one day. Maybe if you saw the life drain from a few sad, lost, confused eyes, you would change your mind about breeding and selling to people you don't even know. That puppy you just sold will most likely end up in my shelter when it's not a cute little puppy anymore. So how would you feel if you knew that there's about a 90% chance that dog will never walk out of the shelter it is going to be dumped at? Purebred or not! About 50% of all of the dogs that are "owner surrenders" or "strays", that come into my shelter are purebred dogs. The most common excuses I hear are; "We are moving and we can't take our dog (or cat)." Really? Where are you moving too that doesn't allow pets? Or they say "The dog got bigger than we thought it would". How big did you think a Great Dane would get? "We don't have time for her". Really? I work a 10-12 hour day and still have time for my 6 dogs! "She's tearing up our yard". How about making her a part of your family? They always tell me "We just don't want to have to stress about finding a place for her we know she'll get adopted, she's a good dog". Your pet will be confined to a small run/kennel in a room with about 25 other barking or crying animals. It will have to relieve itself where it eats and sleeps. It will be depressed and it will cry constantly for the family that abandoned it. If your pet is lucky, I will have enough volunteers in that day to take him/her for a walk. If I don't, your pet won't get any attention besides having a bowl of food slid under the kennel door and the waste sprayed out of its pen with a high-powered hose. If your dog is big, black or any of the "Bully" breeds (pit bull, rottie, mastiff, etc) it was pretty much dead when you walked it through the front door. Those dogs just don't get adopted. It doesn't matter how 'sweet' or 'well behaved' they are. If your dog doesn't get adopted within its 72 hours and the shelter is full, it will be destroyed. If the shelter isn't full and your dog is good enough, and of a desirable enough breed it may get a stay of execution, but not for long . Most dogs get very kennel protective after about a week and are destroyed for showing aggression. Even the sweetest dogs will turn in this environment. If your pet makes it over all of those hurdles chances are it will get kennel cough or an upper respiratory infection and will be destroyed because shelters just don't have the funds to pay for even a $100 treatment. Here's a little euthanasia 101 for those of you that have never witnessed a perfectly healthy, scared animal being "put-down". First, your pet will be taken from its kennel on a leash. They always look like they think they are going for a walk happy, wagging their tails. Until they get to "The Room", every one of them freaks out and puts on the brakes when we get to the door. It must smell like death or they can feel the sad souls that are left in there, it's strange, but it happens with every one of them. Your dog or cat will be restrained, held down by 1 or 2 vet techs depending on the size and how freaked out they are. Then a euthanasia tech or a vet will start the process. They will find a vein in the front leg and inject a lethal dose of the "pink stuff". Hopefully your pet doesn't panic from being restrained and jerk. I've seen the needles tear out of a leg and been covered with the resulting blood and been deafened by the yelps and screams. They all don't just "go to sleep", sometimes they spasm for a while, gasp for air and defecate on themselves. When it all ends, your pets corpse will be stacked like firewood in a large freezer in the back with all of the other animals that were killed waiting to be picked up like garbage. What happens next? Cremated? Taken to the dump? Rendered into

pet food? You'll never know and it probably won't even cross your mind. It was just an animal and you can always buy another one, right? I hope that those of you that have read this are bawling your eyes out and can't get the pictures out of your head I deal with everyday on the way home from work. I hate my job, I hate that it exists & I hate that it will always be there unless you people make some changes and realize that the lives you are affecting go much farther than the pets you dump at a shelter. Between 9 and 11 MILLION animals die every year in shelters and only you can stop it. I do my best to save every life I can but rescues are always full, and there are more animals coming in everyday than there are homes. My point to all of this DON'T BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER PETS DIE! Hate me if you want to. The truth hurts and reality is what it is. I just hope I maybe changed one person's mind about breeding their dog, taking their loving pet to a shelter, or buying a dog. I hope that someone will walk into my shelter and say "I saw this and it made me want to adopt". THAT WOULD MAKE IT WORTH IT.

DO NOT BUY PETS! If nobody bought and everyone adopted, nobody would breed pets, and eventually, no innocent pets would die. ADOPTION IS THE ONLY OPTION! Help us spread the message, share us! If you agree that animals feel, suffer, love and the truth about their abuse should be exposed, please “like” our page. Thank you! Thank you Chickapea