#and daniel is *elevator music* about it

[anguishmacgyver]

[ovaryacted]

GUARD DOG

─ Logan Howlett/Wolverine x fem! reader || WC: 5.0k

SYNOPSIS: On another one of your joint club outings with Wade, your boyfriend Logan stands by to make sure you enjoy your night. Once you both arrive at your apartment, he tends to your needs and helps you relax.

CONTENT/WARNINGS: MDNI/18+. NSFW. SMUT. Established Relationship. Age gap implied [Logan is his canon age, Reader is mid to late 20's]. Alcohol consumption. Kissing. Unprotected P in V. Shower sex. Fingering (f receiving). Manhandling. Biting/Marking Kink. Size Kink if you squint. Mutual fantasies of public sex. Worst!/Variant! Logan Howlett. Grumpy! Logan in public, soft! Logan in private. Wade is the third wheel who drinks for fun but can't get drunk (obvi). Descriptions of the reader's clothing (mini skirt & skimpy top). Reader is shorter than Logan in heels. Logan can pick the reader up.

A/N: Lord this was a pain in the ass to write for absolutely no reason, but I am glad it's done. Big shoutouts and thank yous to @ozarkthedog and @pedgito for reading this over and encouraging me. And also thank you to @zloshy and @studioghibelli for holding my hand and helping me out with the brainstorming process. As always, likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated. Enjoy! <3

NAVIGATION | MASTERLIST | AO3

To this day, Logan doesn’t know why he still puts up with Wade’s shit or agrees to his antics. But he doesn’t mind doing it so long as it keeps his eccentric friend off his back and keeps you happy.

The club he was brought to was loud, the air thick with the pungent stench of weed, and he swears he could distinctly sniff out cocaine in the bathrooms, irritating his nose. Bright strobe lights strained his vision, and the obnoxious pop music vibrating through the walls was anything but pleasing to his sensitive ears. Thankfully, the bar had Jack Daniels on the shelf, enough to do the job and keep himself busy.

He raises his arm to lean against the bar, sipping away at his fourth cup of whiskey, knowing that the buzz he feels will go away as quickly as it hits him. Adept eyes scanned the club, landing on your figure as you danced to the current song.

Logan admired the sway of your hips, the mini skirt you wore riding up your thighs with every pop and swivel. The low-cut top you paired it with shifted when your arms rose to the beat change, the open back showing more than enough skin to leave to the imagination. He could taste the light sheen of sweat from your neck at a distance, amplifying your natural pheromones that elevated the perfume you sprayed on earlier.

He did what he did best. He watched. Even with his dominating presence, he was hyper-aware of the other men who stood by prowling like hawks, stalking their prey and waiting for the best moment to attack. Wade was enough to keep you safe during your joint club outings, but now that he was with you, Logan ensured you made it home every night.

You were smart and vigilant, always were before you met him. But Logan was familiar with the instinctive behavior of men, especially men like him. Ill-tempered. Selfish. Prone to arguments and have an affinity to attract trouble. He knows what they were all thinking, creating mental checklists of what tricks they’d use to guarantee you went home with them instead. Countless fantasies of their hands feeling you up, touching you in ways that Logan was allowed to, in a way only he could.

His heart thumped in his ribs at the thought. The innate possession he felt towards you flared as he impatiently wiped his hand over the dark denim of his jeans, ignoring the growing itch to claw the next fucker that thought about coming within six feet of you.

You could hold your own; you’ve told him more than enough times that he didn’t need to stand by and monitor your every move. Yet he does it without hesitation, refusing to give anyone else a chance to breathe you in or get close enough to touch what was his. 

Wade waltzes to the bar and orders another martini, glancing at Logan and contorting his neck to peek at you dancing with a blissful smile.

“Having fun, Wolvie?” he asks, grin widening as his lips envelop the thin straw in his drink, slurping it up like a refreshing cup of water. 

“You know the answer to that,” Logan mutters, finishing the rest of his amber liquid in one gulp before tapping the cup on the bar countertop and asking for a refill. The bartender flashes him a look of concern, receiving a flick of Wade’s hand and topping off the glass.

“You’re five drinks in. Quit being so fucking grumpy,” Wade sneers, detecting someone walking in their direction. “Now flip that frown upside down, Logie bear. Our girl is coming over, and I don’t need you getting your panties in a twist because you’re moody.”

Logan rolled his eyes before spotting you striding to him, standing in front of the burly man with a hazy smile. He noticed the multitude of heads that turned to follow your direction, tracking you with every step you took toward the deviant pair. A low whistle seized his attention, Logan’s head rapidly spun at the sound to find its source and nip it in the bud. The growl settling in the back of his throat simmered down once your soft hand touched his chest, grounding him to you.

“Hey, old man.” Even in heels, you still couldn’t reach him face-to-face, smirking when his thick arm wrapped around your waist to bring you closer. “Enjoyed the show?”

“The music in here fucking sucks, but I can’t complain too much,” Logan’s lips hovered over the shell of your ear, lowering his voice as he spoke. “You were my favorite part.”

“Oh, you weren’t looking at the girl in the cocktail dress? I don’t know, her dress was real short.” The corner of his mouth curled up, challenging your statement that feigned any truth. Giggling, you clutched his bicep, the alcohol loosening your tongue to speak more bluntly. You pivoted to spot Wade, who watched you both from afar in animated shock.

“Problem?”

“Sorry, honey. I just can’t stand seeing the two of you be all touchy-feely in front of me. It’s very disturbing.” Wade finished his martini, ordering a margarita and explicitly asking for a tiny umbrella. “I hate that you took my spot. Creeping in like a slut into a happy home and snatching my man away.”

Ever since Wade had introduced you to Logan almost a year ago, it had been an instant connection he got front-row seats to witness. He was excited when he finally compelled Logan to go to the club you both frequented, recalling how he raked his eyes over you when you weren’t looking. It was only a matter of time before you left the club with Logan one night, and Wade met him at the front door the following day like a disappointed parent acknowledging his walk of shame. 

All jokes aside, considering the pair he just unleashed into the world, he would believe himself to be the city’s most qualified and successful cupid.

“Can’t call me a homewrecker if there was no home to wreck, sweetie,” you shrugged, hearing Logan’s dry chuckle.

“Sure, whatever. But you should be thanking me, you know? You get to have those big, meaty hands on you all the time. Not to mention you get to fuck him and actually see his d-”

“Wilson.” Logan’s voice cut him off, causing Wade to murmur under his breath. You fronted the brunette, messing with the collar of his leather jacket.

“Don’t be mean to him. He’s right. I do have the happy privilege of fucking you all the time.” Your glossy lips hypnotized Logan, his hand kneading your rear as he caught your breathless laugh again. He’ll never fully admit it, but he’s always loved your lack of filter when you had a little bit to drink. You were funny and engaging without needing the extra boost, but something about you being openly vulgar made his blood flow south.

“That you do.” His ego blazes inside him, leaning forward to kiss you in the club for the first time that night.

You happily accepted it with a pleased hum, tasting the Jack he’d been drinking and exchanging the flavor of vodka still on your tongue. Your fingers clutched at his jacket, body pulsing with need as the alcohol in your system beelined straight to your clit. Audible gagging noises pushed you to draw away from Logan, your drunken sight landing on the culprit.

“Oh, am I interrupting you guys? I told you to give me a PDA warning next time before you start getting freaky, otherwise I’m joining,” Wade taunted, getting a scoff from you and an irritated grunt from his friend.

“How about we share another drink? Will you forgive me then, Wadey?” You flapped your lashes at him, his wrinkly skin creasing to mimic your gleeful appearance.

“Fine, but only because you know how to sweet talk me. Tequila?” Your optimistic nod motivated him to order another round of shots for the two of you to down. You felt a gentle squeeze on your arm, meeting Logan’s gaze and silent questioning. Can you handle drinking more?

“Just a few more, and we’ll go, okay?” You stroked his chin, kissing the corner of his jaw in reassurance. He asked to test your senses, only intervening to stop if you were too far gone to speak to him. Unlike him, he wants you to keep your liver intact.

“Alright. But the second he starts offering you shit to snort, we’re leaving.”

“I would do no such thing!” Wade dramatically reacts, offering two tequila shots while holding some of his own. “Besides, I don’t need our precious darling over here fucking up her pretty nose. She needs that thing to smell your bullshit from a mile away.”

With another laugh, you swallowed the shot of clear liquid, inhaling a hiss and consuming the next, sucking on the lime to reset your tastebuds. Your body warmed with a buzz from the drink, an electric shock coursing through your veins as it roused you. 

“C’mon, sugarplum, you owe me a dance.” You didn’t have time to waste as Wade dragged you to the dance floor, throwing Logan a flirty wave and joining your mutual friend. The Wolverine returned to his position, manning his post and sipping on the remaining liquid in his glass. He kept tallies on the wandering eyes that gravitate to you, fighting the urge to rip out every single one.

He’ll keep the peace for your sake. You were already his, you’ve been his ever since you took him home and made him stay the night. What more did he have to prove?

It was nearing two in the morning when you finally decided to call it a night. By now, the heels on your feet started slipping, and your footing grew unsteady when you attempted to walk to the bathroom. You held your bearings long enough for Logan to call a cab home after buying some greasy food for you to eat, shooing Wade once he said he was stopping by Vanessa’s.

Logan’s touch was constant the entire way home, skimming your thigh and lower back in the cab, responding to every one of your little mumbles to keep you awake until you arrived at your apartment. Getting you out of the backseat was another hassle he was familiar with, aiding you to stand up straight without accidentally exposing yourself. The best solution he came up with was carrying you inside, wrapping your arms and legs around him as he held you steady and trekked inside the apartment complex.

He didn’t mind the faint squeezes of your arms or the clenches of your thighs around his waist. You were calm, safe, and happy, mindlessly humming in the crook of his neck as he eased his way through the front door. Strong arms entrapped you as the familiar walls of your bedroom filled your vision, Logan placing you on the edge of your bed with a huff of breath.

“I’m gonna get you a cup of water. Alright?” Logan’s hazel eyes met yours, taking in your feeble nod.

“Okay,” voice light and airy, you patiently waited for Logan to return as promised. Within a minute, he had a tall glass of cold water in his hand, a few ice cubes floating at the top.

“Open up. Need you to drink some of this for me.” Heeding his command, you sipped the refreshing beverage, soothing your parched throat. You got halfway down the glass before he drew the cup away, placing it on the bedside table for later.

“Let’s get these heels off now,” Logan suggested next, descending to his knees and bending his leg to raise your foot on his thigh, messing with the straps tied to your ankles.

“Yes, please. They’re fucking killing me.”

He chuckled as you wiggled your foot at him, allowing his thick fingers to unclasp the buckle that held your heels together. Peeling one of the shoes off and dropping it to the floor, he loosened the other, the heel falling to the ground with an audible thud.

Strong hands held your right foot by the ankle and gently twisted it, stretching the tendon after a long night out and doing the same to the left. You whizzed contently at the touch, the devoted rubs of his thumbs and forefingers massaging your feet after hours of dancing never failed to make you feel better. Before you started dating him, you underestimated Logan’s capacity to be affectionate, but he eventually got the hang of things once your relationship grew more steady. 

Sure, he had been alive a long time, you got that warning from Wade prior to meeting Logan. But once you cracked through that tough exterior, you developed a soft spot for the man buried under all that trauma.

“Always so nice to me yet grumpy with everyone else,” you said, running a hand through his hair as he stayed on his knees.

“You’re saying you don’t like special treatment?” he teased, the look in his eye heating your belly. He caressed your shin, drawing circles over your skin as you watched him.

“Never said that. Like it too much sometimes,” he stood up, kissing the top of your head and walking to the bathroom to wash his hands.

“Let’s take those clothes off and get you in something less skimpy.”

“Already? You didn’t tell me anything about my skimpy outfit. Thought you liked it…” you feigned a pout, and Logan raised a curious eyebrow.

“You look good, you always do. I told you that before we left.” He loomed over you, a shiver rushing down your spine when his musk surrounded you. His hands were at either side of your hips, palms resting on the mattress as he observed you.

“I like it when you get all dolled up for me.” One of his knuckles moved to graze your bare forearm, the hair on your skin rising from the goosebumps that followed. “Hate that everyone else gets to look, though.”

“You did good tonight. Didn’t claw anybody in the ribs.” You were only half joking, but you knew it wasn’t such a farfetched idea for him to do just that. All it took was one guy to come too close, and Logan’s knuckles were splitting to unsheath the blades embedded between them.

“Trust me, I was thinking it.”

“I know you were. Still happy you didn’t, so thank you for that.” You held his cheek and tenderly kissed him. “Now take my clothes off.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Logan tugged your mini skirt down your legs, tossing it to the floor. Your top was next, lifting your arms so he could pull it up from your torso, leaving your top half bare. He leaned back to take you in, raking his eyes over your uncovered figure. You were only clad in the lace black thong he noticed earlier when you were getting dressed, the thin piece of fabric doing nothing to conceal what he knew lay underneath.

“You’re staring again.” Your voice brought him to reality, a dry hum being his response.

“You don’t usually complain when I do,” he noted, growing more cocky at the uptick of the subdued tension between you.

“Because I like it when you look at me, smartass.” You held him by the fabric of the white tee hiding under his jacket, hands roaming over the expanse of his chest and stomach, messing with the metal of his belt buckle.

“Seems like you want something…” Logan hungrily watched as your legs spread wider to accommodate for his thicker ones between them, lingering to pounce on you.

“Want you to fuck me.” A rich groan tumbled out of Logan when you yanked him down for a kiss, chasing his tongue with your own and biting his bottom lip. His large hands skate over your thighs, textured fingers pinching your hip to keep you in place. Pulling his head away, he exhaled out of his nose, lightly grazing the tip of it against yours.

“Not until we shower. You smell like Wade and tequila.” He walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower, messing with the knobs to get the searing temperature you liked and coming to capture your dumbfounded expression.

“Are you fucking serious?” You shouldn’t be surprised. Though you think he was just finding more ways to get you to sober up.

“Very. I don’t need you smelling like him in bed. I want you to smell like you.”

Rising to your feet, you entered the bathroom and bent down to peel your thong off. Holding the last piece of clothing by the tip of your finger, you flung it to Logan, swaying your hips with an added flare as you stepped under the showerhead. The steaming water hit your aching body, comforting your sore legs from standing on an arch for so long. 

You heard shuffling from the other side of the glass barrier, enjoying the feel of the scalding spray as burly arms encircled your midriff, holding you loosely by the waist. Turning to face Logan, he eyed you with a softness reserved only when you were alone, your love worming its way into his cold heart and chipping away at the frozen bits and pieces over time.

“I’m surprised you haven’t melted yet from how hot this water is,” Logan jested, pressing yourself closer and gliding your fingers over his torso.

“You’ll get used to it,” you brushed his comment off, his rough fingertips coasting down your back, much softer than how he handled you in the club. “You’re the one that likes showering with me anyway.”

“Course I do, but I’ll never know how you tolerate this. You sure you aren’t the mutant here?” You lightly slapped his sternum, petting his skin with a shake of your head.

Logan maintained the scorching temperature of the shower stream as he held your chin with his forefinger and thumb, bending forward to kiss you, slow and passionate as it always was. You reached for his broad shoulders, opening your mouth to welcome his tongue, the muscle curling around yours with ease.

Maneuvering to pin you to the tiled wall, your hands ran up to the nape of his neck, driving your fingers through his wet hair as you sought more of his touch. Logan parted from you, leaving a trail of kisses along your jaw and neck, biting at the skin. Your breathing grew more sporadic, desire surging through you and flourishing between your thighs.

“Logan, please,” you were already begging for more, and he hadn’t done anything prevalent yet. Even with the alcohol slowly ebbing away, your arousal intensified, and a desperate craving for his attention overwhelmed you.

“What do you need? Tell me, sweetheart,” he commanded, his tongue rolling down to your clavicle, sucking a mark into the side of your neck for you to uncover in the morning.

“Need you to touch me.” Unabashedly, you took one of his hands by the wrist, spreading your thighs to position it where you needed him most. His fingers quickly found your pussy, drenched and crying out for his touch. The tips of his pointer and middle fingers drifted up to your sensitive nub, twitching under the initial rubs he delivered.

“Yeah? Need me to make you feel good, sugar?” Logan’s ego continued to ascend as he observed the expressions on your face, your eyebrows furrowing when his digits plunged into your aching hole.

“Been like this for a while, hm?” The smooth timbre of his voice spurred you on, directing his free hand to hold the bottom of your thigh, raising it to his hip and keeping it in place.

“Since you kissed me in the club.” Your confession fell over his lips, nails digging into his shoulder blades, leaving crescent indents in their wake. “Wanted you to fuck me in the bathroom.”

A deep moan rumbled in Logan’s chest at your words, crooking his fingers into that spot tucked at the roof of your entrance. You whined loudly at the touch, tossing your head back against the tile behind you and clenching hard around his thick digits.

“Next time. All you gotta do is bring me there, and I’ll fuck you over the sink.”

You couldn’t help but envision what it would be like to follow through on Logan’s proposal. How he’d pursue the imprint of your natural scent, mixing in with the aroma of your perfume that emanated off of you in waves. His lips would make a path over your shoulder and neck, leaving teeth marks for the club members to see after he was done with you. His fingers would wrap around your throat as he fucked you against the counter of the bathroom sink, forcing you to look at your reflection as you took him from behind.

Mascara streaked down your cheeks in dark smudges, your lip gloss fading and leaving a ring on the base of his cock from when you sucked him off, his cum dribbling down your thighs while he grabs your torn underwear and stuffs them into his pocket. And once you’ve both had your fun, you’d take his hand and stroll out of the bathroom with a smile, proudly flaunting Logan’s claim for everyone to acknowledge who you belonged to.

He was focused on the dives of his fingers inside your cunt, concentrated pulses to your g-spot and sneakily adding his thumb to the mix to press into your clit. Your half-lidded eyes glanced at him, the tell-tale signs of your upcoming orgasm creeping up and building in your gut. Logan could sense it too, the increase in your heart rate and the pulsing of your walls signaled that you were getting close, desperately seeking that release he could give you.

“I know you’re close.” He picked up the pace of his fingers, punctuating his thrusts to work in a third digit to stretch you out properly, the circles on your bundle of nerves becoming relentless. “Come for me, darlin’. C’mon, let me feel it.”

Trained like a dog to obey his command, your climax hit you with force, the strained rope of tension snapping and shooting relief up your spine. Gripping at the nape of his neck, the moan you emitted resounded through the bathroom as your thighs quivered from Logan’s ministrations. The slick walls of your pussy convulsed around him, giving you a few more pumps with his fingers before he took them out, watching in a daze as he licked them to taste your slick with a satisfied grumble.

“Always taste so damn sweet,” Logan remarked, letting you taste yourself on his tongue with another kiss. The hard length of his cock twitched over your lower belly, the ache of being empty overwhelming your senses.

“You can take a little more right, princess?” It was a genuine question, analyzing your energy levels after a long night out. But you craved to feel Logan the best way you knew how, nodding your head at the thought of feeling him deep inside where he belonged.

“Want you, please,” you implored, large hands grabbing the underside of your thighs to lift you from the ground, Logan’s strong hold keeping you upright on the wall. The tip of his cock bumped against your opening, your arms wrapping around his neck as he positioned himself.

“Hold on to me.” You did as he said, mewling in pleasure as he sank into your waiting cunt.

You welcomed him without resistance, his legs and forearms flexing to hold you up as he drove his hips forward until he was down to the hilt. A whimper wormed its way out of your mouth once Logan was tucked snug inside you, the tip of him hitting depths only he could reach. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feel of him, legs wound tighter as you adjusted to him.

“That’s it. Exactly where I’m supposed to be,” Logan confirmed with a grin, pressing his forehead to yours and breathing you in. He concentrated on the way your wet heat enveloped him so well, pussy molded to take him like that was your purpose.

Leaning more into your embrace, he began to move, shifting his hips to dive into you just the way you liked. Deep and even thrusts sent you reeling into ecstasy, your toes coiling as he persisted in his consistent pistoning.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you cried out at his movements, the upright position Logan had you in propelled the tip of his cock to hit the roof of your entrance with rehearsed accuracy. Your clit came in contact with the hair at the base of his length, the delicious friction adding to the amplified sensations.

“Feel so good. Fucking warm and wet. Shit.” He rambled against your throat, both of his big hands cupping your ass and keeping you secure as he fucked up into you.

Logan used his strength to bounce you on top of him in time with his jabs, heavy balls smacking into you as he picked up the pace and chased his release. You tightened again, nails biting into the taut skin of his shoulders and raking down, drawing a noisy groan out of the man from the pain. His skin reddened with the streaks you left behind, mending together as his regenerative powers healed him in seconds, removing any evidence of your marks.

“Logan, need it, need you. Please.” He understood what you were asking for, the pounding of his hips getting sloppier on your instruction. “Want you to fill me up…”

“Cum again for me and I will. Fill your pussy up the way you need.”

He wasn’t asking. Your deft fingers went up to his hair and gave him a harsh yank, sinking your teeth into his bottom lip, meshing your mouth with his. Logan panted a breath and followed with a hiss at the slight ache, the urge to fill you up awakening the most primal parts of him.

Your climax washed over you abruptly, mouth positioned in a silent scream as you unravel underneath Logan. He whispered words of praise in your ear, prolonging your orgasm for as long as he could. Your walls flexed and spasmed around him, soft cries morphing into helpless whimpers with every fierce buck of his wide hips. Molten pleasure surged down his back, and his hands sought purchase on your body, squeezing hard enough to bruise. 

“Fuck,” Logan rasped into your skin, stifling his growl with a sharp bite to your neck. The blunt ends of his teeth dug into you, hard enough to tear at your flesh that bloomed into bright red and will fade to purple.

With a few more lunges, he burrowed himself deep inside, painting your walls with his spend and claiming you like he always has. Your legs tensed around his abdomen, making sure to keep him safely tucked and not let a single drop go to waste. You slumped against him, head lolling forward to rest on his shoulder as he littered soft kisses over the marks he left behind in a muted apology. 

“Better now?” he asked, carefully bringing you to stand on the ground, keeping his hold on your hips in case your wobbly legs gave out.

“Mhm. Much better.” You nodded, offering him a kiss and enjoying the aftermath of your respective highs. The carnal appetite you felt earlier dimmed down to manageable levels now that you got what you wanted.

“Good,” Logan reciprocated your delicate kisses, doing what he could to calm and prep you for bed. He knows you could theoretically go for another round, but your exhaustion was palpable. He’d have to make up for it in the morning.

He took your loofah and body wash, pouring the liquid over the net fabric and scrubbing at your figure. He washed you meticulously, rinsing off the suds, and you returned the favor by cleansing him too. Your scents interlaced together as you washed each other, a smile sneaking up on Logan’s face at the realization.

After the shower, Logan did the honors of drying you off, rubbing you down with lotion, and grabbing a baggy dark T-shirt to dress you in. You brushed your teeth as he searched for his sweatpants, alternating between using the sink until you were both ready to end your night.

You eased into the mattress first, tugging the duvet to the side for Logan to follow you and lay on his back. Instinctively, you cuddled into his side once he made room for you, throwing an arm across his chest and lifting your leg to bend comfortably over his thigh.

“You’re gonna make me breakfast, right?” you questioned sleepily over his shoulder, familiar with the post-coitus routine he established in your relationship. In a few hours, you’ll find him making pancakes in the kitchen, or he’ll be under the sheets between your legs again. Either way, it’ll be a good start to your day so long as he’s the first thing you see when the sun beams through the bedroom window.

“I’ll think about it.” Jabbing at his ribs in mock retaliation, you closed your eyes and listened to the distant sounds of the city filling the room, soothing you to sleep.

“Love you, baby. “ You’ll doze off before you hear his reply, nuzzling into his body and chasing the stability and comfort of your personal weighted blanket and heater.

He waited until your breathing evened out and your heart rate leveled, beating on par with his. Giving you a side glance, you were fast asleep, embracing Logan like a teddy bear. Pressing one final kiss to your forehead, he watched you sleep for a while longer, stroking your backbone and holding you close.

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

©️ ovaryacted 2024. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Support your fellow creators by reblogging, commenting, and liking!

Dividers by @saradika-graphics.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Heyo! I've been loving the content! Especially new management, that was a phenomenal read. Was wondering if you had further thoughts or scenes on it or on the Single Dad Au? I think the only story I like better than these two is congratulations, it triplets!

Adore your work! Phenomenal!

Damian did not trust Daniel Fenton.

The man pretended like he wanted nothing from his Father besides his heart—not his wealth, not his influence, not his company, and not even his vast amount of skills.

Even Damian's mother—who was in love with Father for a time—could not conceal the knowledge that marrying Father would elevate her position in Grandfather's eyes. There was a time when Damian believed love—the romantic type—was not real, that it was unnecessary.

Since his arrival at Wayne Manor, he's learned to acknowledge that love does exist, but he still believes it's never unconditional. He knows that Fenton has to be after something. He attempted to find the answer, but as loath as he was to admit it, Damian had not detected any hit of what Fenton was after.

His hours of surveillance on the man only showed him that Fenton enjoyed writing for his silly little book series- a fantasy novelist how quant- but was self-published and did not attempt to get father to fund him

. Fenton also spent much time with his daughter but seemed happy to support her in anything she wanted as long as she put in the effort, so he was not after Father influenced her. Fenton had no interest in Wayne Enterprises, often looking a tad bored whenever Father spoke of it- not dismissive, just lost- which meant he wasn't after the company.

He discovered that Fenton lived modestly despite having a decent amount of funds. He was middle class and seemed rather happy to stay in the middle class.

Damian would have looked deeper into Fenton, but Father had caught on to his surveillance and had forbidden him from scaring away his lover. Knowing that he required backup, Damian had called a sibling meeting.

He was expecting better results than them just speaking about the benefits of Fenton and Father dating. They should focus on how to defend Father's heart once Fenton's true intentions become visible.

It wasn't that Fenton didn't love Father- or getting there- but he would have a darker side to him that Father was unprepared for. Damian was sure of it.

He just needed to find it.

That's why he approached the man's daughter. Indeed, she would open the opportunity to get closer to the man after his father without using his training to follow Fenton. Father could not fault his brilliant walkabout.

Damian was just not prepared for her to be more tolerable than the regular fools in Gotham. She was a fellow artist with a love of nature and travel.

She took him to different parts of Gotham, where they could find animals and wonderful buildings to draw. Dani also always shared her music—he didn't want to listen, but it allowed him to build a profile on her—and he found she also had an application for classical covers of pop music.

Dani also seemed so unbothered by anything. She moved as if she had never been weighed down by any issues. She was weightless but not lost. Seeing someone so at peace with themselves was odd, so Damian sometimes forgot why he was spending time with her.

Sometimes, he just relaxed with her and spoke to her, and really, she was far better than the fools his Father took in.

Dani one day asked if he would go with her to the mall. She wanted some new clothes, and Damian found that her style was rather artistic. This style also caused many stares from those close to their age.

He watched as she walked through the street, owning it with her presence and powerful, unchained personality. Then she acted like she didn't even care, though she definitely knew it.

That is why when she offered to help him buy an outfit, Damian agreed with far too much enthusiasm before she finished. He even wore it out of the store, feeling...like he got close to her unchained freedom. He kept glancing into the reflection of mirrors, a rish of glee at how great he felt in clothes that he would have scoffed at.

He also appreciated how people gawked at them as if they were the most fascinating thing they had ever seen. Damina enjoyed following beside Dani's stride, grinning up at her as she told jokes.

"Dude, it's crazy to think that if our Dads get married, we'll be siblings," she says one day, and Damian startles. She leans over, helping him adjust the beanie she got him, a more blurt red of her own, and Damian's eyes go very wide as she grins at him.

Damian's eyes go very wide.

He hadn't even thought of that.

He races home after she takes him to a slam poetry night, snapping her fingers with that interesting, peaceful, fully in-the-moment-without-stress personality of hers.

Damian kicks the door to Father's office and shouts, "Father, you must marry Daniel Fenton at once!"

He misses that Fenton is also there, sipping from a teacup. He'd never seen Father look that embarrassed before, either. Though Fenton seemed rather pleased, which helped his new quest of making Dani his new, much more enjoyable sister that left him in awe.

She promised to take him to her favorite store for more pastel goth outfits next week, too. Once her father marries in, they might turn it into a weekly thing.

[hai7ani]

橘 (TACHIBANA/JÚ) haitani rindou

nsfw (no smut/not suggestive), reader copes with alcohol, panic attack but nothing descriptive, arguments please proceed with caution

masterlist | playlist

part ii / everything

The year of 2015 and you are an alcoholic. It is a Tuesday night and you've just gotten out of an AA meeting that you'd deemed useless the first time you attended out of courtesy -- there is no amount of talking and sharing and clapping that can help relieve the ache of your heart. It is constant and heavy and you can never make it go away. It never goes away. And yet you still attend every week, every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for the sake of attending because you are sick and tired of being alone. You feel lonely most days -- you are lonely most days.

You hear thunderstorms and figure that it is going to rain soon. You think to yourself while walking and you decide you are not in the mood to go home; you do not feel like dealing with the shitty elevator and your lousy neighbours tonight. So you huff and walk into the first bar you see and drink yourself stupid despite the concerns coming from your therapist.

Ex-therapist.

"Y/n-san, please try to cut down and control yourself with the alcohol. It is making your thoughts go worse and there's no health benefits either. We make progress and you seem to get better at maintaining your sobriety, but you'll relapse every time the topic of him comes up. This is not healthy, dear."

You fired her and stormed out of her office the moment she brings him up again while calling her a bitch. You told her to quit her job since she is so bad at it anyway. And you know it is not nice -- she was simply doing her job. You just didn't like how called out you feel. You said it before that you don't like it when she asks about him. You hate it when she urges you to open up about that summer.

Your vision is cloudy; you feel the world spinning around and everything looks distorted. Warm yellow lights shine brightly from above, a jazz band performing at the stage (their music is ass) that you're sure no one is listening to and you feel like puking so you gag but nothing comes out.

You swallow the saliva pooling in your mouth and laugh to yourself when you hear his words echo in your ears again.

"I never wanna lose you."

"Yeah, right." You snort and take another sip of the vodka in your hand.

This is what you're used to -- clinging on to a shadow of a boy you never see again and refusing to let go after all these years. The longing and waiting for him to come back to you turns into desperation and you drink yourself into an alcoholic who secretly has anger issues because it takes your pain away.

Or that's what you tell yourself and the others when they ask why you're alone at a bar.

You cry hard every time you drink; you think of him whenever you feel dizzy and your entire world is finally foggy and he is the only thought that comes up in your mind.

Drinking never helps you to take your pain away. It only helps you to think and relish in him and his love that you try so hard to push away during the day when there are countless of annoying kids tugging on your apron and telling you look at the new clay art they made. You cannot afford to collapse in front of people who are not him. You don't trust yourself to do it when he is not around.

You just miss him so much.

And you sob into the sleeves of your sweater when everything gets too overwhelming and you just want him to come back. You really want to see him again. You really want to tell him that the voicemails you left to him that day was all a lie -- that you still love him so.

"I never wanna lose you."

He never did.

It was you who'd lost him instead.

A hand wrapping around your wrist breaks you from your train of thought and you yelp in shock. It pulls you from the table and another snatches the glass away from yours. You go slack against the chair and huff with a frown. You feel that it is a man because of the flashy Daniel Wellington wrapped around his big wrist and you watch through blurry vision as he hands your glass of vodka to a passing bartender. "No more of this. Get me her bill." The bartender nods and walks away.

You poke his arm and frown deeper. "Hey, you. I was still drinking that." You don't find any energy in you to argue with him for snatching away your drink, so you squint through cloudy eyes and pouty lips as you try to recognise the man. But you shrug and figure he is just a stranger and probably a molester, or even worse, a sex trafficker, so you grab your bag with tired hands and stand to leave. You stumble back a little when the chair obstructs your foot and he places a firm hand behind your back to stabilise your swaying body.

"Tsk. Sit down. You're drunk." He tuts and snatches your bag away from you to place it back on the table. To say you are dumbfounded is an understatement. "Yeah, ya damn right I'm drunk. Leave me alone or I'm calling security. My drink isn't enough 'n now my bag ya wanna touch too. Asshole." You slur and muster up all the strength you can to kick his shin. He hisses at the striking pain and bends over to rub a hand over the area. "Jesus- still as painful as ever-"

But you sit back down nonetheless and take a deep breath, trying to regain your senses. You prop both elbows on the table. "Security," you mumble while leaning your head on your hands, "security!" You say it louder this time and it seems to have caught some attention with a few people nearby turning their necks and observing you with the man who is painfully calm about this whole situation.

You hear him sigh as he shuffles closer to you. He smells like expensive cologne with a hint of lavender -- it's a smell that is very familiar and you stun at it.

And it comes to you after a while when he smooths a hand down the back of your head and you feel like a little girl again. Tears spring to your waterline as you let him touch you. You watch as he rolls the sleeves of your sweater up to your forearm and feel as he gathers your hair to the back. He is gentle when doing all that and you don't feel any malicious intent coming from him anymore.

Because he is someone you know.

Security stands beside you after a moment but you ignore them as you try to focus on the way he is braiding your hair into a fishtail.

Like how he always used to.

A light yet masculine voice speaks as he secures the end of your hair with an elastic he pulled from your wrist.

"I know her. I'm a friend."

Security walks away after further confirmation that you cannot hear properly and you blink your droopy eyelids, trying hard to stay conscious but failing miserably when the alcohol finally takes over and you collapse on the table.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You wake up in someone's bed the next day. You don't recognise the room and you make sure your clothes are still on -- they are -- while hurriedly pushing the blankets off your body and standing up with a groggy head. The hangover is hitting hard and you hiss and yelp when you stub your toe hard at the foot of the bed.

"Morning." A voice greets from behind and your world stops spinning. Suddenly the hangover isn't there anymore and the voice is all you can focus on.

You turn around with wide eyes and see Haitani Ran standing by the door holding a cup of water and a pill in his hands. He walks over to you quietly and shoves them in your hands.

He looks so much different than before. No more long and braided hair in blonde and black -- it is now short and hangs loosely over his forehead in the colours of purple and black. Lanky body more pumped and muscular now -- he looks like someone legit and can be taken more seriously by people. Purple orbs that has never changed in intensity as they stare deep into yours who dulls when the memories starts flooding your brain.

"Ran."

He doesn't react other than nodding towards the stuff in your hands. "Take it. And I left some clothes in the bathroom. Take your time. I'll be outside with breakfast." He simply states with a soft yet firm voice and closes the door behind him when he leaves.

You drop to the bed and try to control your breathing with shaky breaths and a pounding migraine.

You feel your entire world collapsing around you. The strong border you've tried so hard to build with the outside world comes crashing down in an instant. The room feels like it is closing in on you and you rub at your eyes tiredly.

Suddenly you feel like the 19 year-old girl living in Kanagawa again.

And you cry.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Ran is sitting at the dining table eating breakfast when you exit his room. You've showered and got yourself dressed in some clean clothes he left for you -- a woman's clothes -- and you're shy when you pad to him, fingers fiddling with the hem of the cotton t-shirt.

You stop when Ran looks at you.

"Hey." He greets but you don't reply. Instead, you glance around and find that the house is well-decorated -- colourful quilted fabrics protecting the pillows on the couch and a vase full of baby's breath sits on the coffee table. There are many different photo frames hanging on the walls and on top of cupboards and you find yourself wanting to look at them. The kitchen cabinets are transparent and you see a lot of different snacks and instant noodles inside. The house is so lived-in and you can't help but smile softly.

You turn your head back to him who is already staring at your figure as he munches on a piece of bread.

You hadn't seen Ran in a very long time.

"Hi." You finally say it back and take a seat in front of him. He nods towards the cup of coffee in front of you and you move with shaky hands to take a sip. The handle is facing you and you feel a bit more refreshed when the smell hits your nose and you're reminded that Ran has always been attentive like that; like the times where he would cover the edge of the table when you bend down to pick a fallen pen up, or the times where Ran would shield you from a flying ball at the park and it hits him hard on the shoulder instead. The corners of your lips lift up while you savour the taste in your mouth and swallow with a satisfied sigh -- Ran has always made good coffee.

"So good." You murmur and place the mug back down on the table. Ran chuckles airily through his nose and pats the crumbs off his fingers. "Of course. It's Ran's Coffee." You laugh a little at that -- it's what you've always used to call his drink when he passes it to you in the kitchen of his old home.

Ran doesn't bring up yesterday and neither do you feel like doing so, so you choose to ignore it and eat while stealing a few glances here and there at him and smiling sheepishly when he catches you through eye contact. And you observe him openly now while chewing on some sausages -- he's wearing a neatly pressed white dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and it is paired with black slacks. Hair is gelled and combed up instead of hanging over his eyes like before. You think he looks so much more mature now and you wonder if-

Your eyes travel down to his hands and find a very shiny ring on his fourth finger. ". . . You're married?" You stop chewing at the realisation and blurt it out with wide and glossy eyes.

Ran grins at your suddenness and nods.

"Been married for two years now." He pauses while wiping his lips with a napkin. And he takes a glimpse at your reaction, trying to search for something in them -- he doesn't, so he continues. "Got a girl on the way too. Her name's Yui. Just ゆい."

You beam brightly at his happy. "God. Congrats, Ran!" And you truly are so happy for him -- since young, Ran had always been a family man. He's always talked about marrying a pretty woman and starting a nice little family with her -- a boy and a girl to balance it out, he once said. And you'd swatted his arm when he'd wiggled his brows at you while his brother scowled and tugged at a braid harshly.

You'd never gotten the memo back then.

And you decide not to ask him about his wife and how they met nor do you focus the topic to his daughter who is on the way -- you figure it'll bring up some awkwardness to the table (it wouldn't, but you just want to avoid your feelings) and you wince a little when you're reminded of the things Ran had left you in that box 7 years ago.

For the rest of breakfast you both make small talk, and you'd made it a mental note to dodge anything that is personal. Although Ran is a very old friend and you'd immediately felt comfortable around his presence, he is still his brother, and you and Ran still have some unresolved issues that needs to be talked about -- you don't think you are ready for it yet -- but Ran doesn't asks you anything too deep. He doesn't bring up his brother too -- and you relax when he starts talking about himself instead.

Apparently he runs a tech company now. It was nothing like the field he'd used to daydream of being in (the fashion industry) and it shocks you to the core when you find out that it's one of the companies that is currently rising in popularity and net worth in Japan. So you open up a little to tell him you work as a teacher now -- you teach children handicrafts and help younger ones with reading and writing at a daycare centre, though your smile falters a little when he asks if it is what you enjoy doing. You were the girl who's never found out your passion for the entirety of your teenage and schooling years -- you still haven't now that you're an adult, but you don't tell Ran that -- and you nod anyway when Ran continues to share about a few of his wife's friends who are looking for a handicrafts teacher for their children too; he asks if it's okay that he recommends you to them and you give him your consent.

Ran stands to get your plate when you're finished and you stand too, the creak of the chair against the floor loud and you grimace a little at it. You don't know what for -- you know Ran well enough to know that he will for sure reject if you offer to wash the dishes at his house, yet you stand anyway, and you watch from behind as he places them in the sink while switching on the tap. The water runs loudly and your lonely eyes flicker around until it lands on the stuff covering the fridge -- magnets from different countries, a picture of an ultrasound of his unborn daughter at 7 months, some documents and pending bills . . . You think it is all a bit too heartwarming to look at and you reluctantly look away.

". . . Do you have work later?" Ran asks with a wavering tone. He sounds a bit uncertain despite it being a normal question and you blink. "No, actually. I don't have any classes on Wednesdays. It's my off day today." You pat down your shirt and move on your feet to help him tidy up the dining table -- pushing the chairs in, wiping the table, rearranging the coasters and clearing the leftovers stuck to the table cloth. You figure it is the least you can do for his kindness of letting you stay at his house for the night and making you breakfast in the morning.

Ran switches off the tap and dries his hands on a cloth hanging by the wall. He stares at your back and opens his mouth. "Can we talk-"

The front door unlocks.

You turn to the entrance with wide eyes and watch as it pushes open. You hadn't been made aware that Ran was expecting someone until Nobunaga Himeko walks in holding a bunch of stuff in her hands. It ranges from paper bags to recycled bags to a bouquet of colourful carnations.

And she is pregnant.

"Hi."

Himeko is all smiley when she sees you standing in her kitchen, wearing her clothes, and beside her husband who seems nonchalant about her entering the house. He pads over to her with a grin and kisses her forehead.

Your eyes look away from hers that are in thin crescents and shift your weight from one foot to another while picking on the skin around your thumb.

So it is like that.

"Love," Ran grabs the stuff from her hands in a hurry and shuts the door with his foot. "You're back." She nods and kicks off her flats, leaving it by the entrance.

Himeko calls your name in a soft voice and you look at her.

"It's nice to see you again."

She grins warmly and you return it without further words, albeit a little fake because you'd never expected her to be together with Ran, and she is pregnant with his child -- it is all simply too much to process and you take a deep breath when they both turn their backs to you. They whisper to themselves and you hear a bit of this and that -- just chatting about how her morning has been and he shares his plans for the both of them later tonight. They talk like you weren't even there in the first place and you bite the skin off your bottom lip when they continue to ignore you.

You connect the dots all by yourself after a while that Himeko was probably already home when Ran had brought you back here last night, that she'd seen you in a vulnerable state and all fucked up while smelling like disgusting vodka, and she's also probably the one who'd picked out your clothes and gave it to Ran to pass to you when you're awake.

"I, um . . . I should go." You blurt after a moment, finding no place for yourself in this house (damn right you don't -- this isn't your house, and you are merely just an acquaintance at this point) and you tighten your fist, the other hand reaching up to swipe away a loose strand of hair and tuck it behind your ear. Ran and Himeko looks back at your disappearing figure when you head back into the guest bedroom to grab at your dirty clothes. You shove them into your bag and carry it on your shoulder. While looking in the mirror you see the empty shell of a weak and despicable soul and you feel a panic attack bubbling up -- and you scowl to yourself when you remember your therapist's words, that avoiding your problems and past would only make things worse in the future.

When you exit the room in a hurry, Ran's voice boom in your eardrums and you try to control your breathing. "Can we talk?" Your flickering eyes glances back and forth between the couple, who are both donning a worried expression on their faces when you don't reply and instead breathe loudly through your mouth, trying hard to catch your breath and calm your feverish heart.

It'd just came so suddenly -- your panic attack -- and you don't know what for. Maybe because of the surprise from both Ran and Himeko being together -- you'd found out later that she'd harboured feelings first for the other brother back then. You'd also found out later that Ran used to harbour feelings for you way before his brother even did. And now the both are living together at an expensive apartment in central Tokyo with a baby on the way.

Or perhaps it is because the scene from 7 years ago at the Family Mart you'd worked in where Himeko had slapped you in front of your manager played in your head when you'd seen her just now, and your mind says that it does not want to relive the moment ever again; your heart screams that it does not want to feel the pain she'd induced on you ever again. And Himeko is scary when she moves closer and reaches a hand out to you.

"Please don't touch me." A lone tear escapes your eye and it rolls down to your chin. "Please. Stay away." The tear drips to the floor and you start sobbing while inching away and Ran is left dumbfounded at the scene playing right in front of his eyes. He does not know why you are so afraid of his wife who is also your childhood friend, and he is perplexed when he sees her reluctantly stepping back and rubbing a hand over her baby bump.

"What happened?" Ran is a bit furious when he asks it. Himeko stays silent at his question that sounded a lot more like a demand and stares down at her feet. "Hime, what is going on?"

She scratches at her head and you sniffle. "Nothing happened, Ran." You wipe your tears away and inhale the lavender in the air. It soothes you down just a bit. "I'm okay. Nothing happened between us. Just wanted to cry, it's all."

A big lie. Ran scoffs when you say it to his face -- it felt like an insult of you calling him stupid and Himeko is biting hard on her lip when you gather your belongings and walk to the entrance, but Ran is quick to stop you from leaving. He tugs back on your hand and you stop in your tracks when you feel the familiar warmth around your wrist.

"I have something to tell you."

"Not today, Ran. I have to go."

"Please. Listen to me. It's serious."

You try pulling your hand away and Ran only lets go when you click your tongue and hiss.

"Fuck off."

Fury engulfs your head and anger chains around your brain for just one second. And one second is all it takes for you to let it slip. Your eyes are wide, cheeks wet with tears when you realise what you'd just said.

"I am so sorry." You gasp, feeling so bad for letting the anger and hatred and rage you've been trying so hard to suppress all these years get to you and Ran is shocked at your sudden change in attitude. Himeko retreats back to their bedroom with a hand covering her mouth. You think she is disgusted with you, and you don't blame her for walking away.

Even you are disgusted with yourself.

Ran says your name again in an exasperated tone. His eyes are pleading for you when they look into yours.

"I have something important to tell you." He says it calmer this time and you finally give him your ears.

". . . It's about Rindou. Please listen."

Your heart dies at it.

It cracks loudly when Ran finally tells you.

And it crumbles to the ground when you'd fully processed his words.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

A group of grown men sits in a circle. Another woman stands in the middle as she reads from a piece of paper. They laugh and answer her questions while she fakes interest and indulges them for a bit.

That's all there is to it, really. A weekly thing where Bianca Taira -- a white woman from the States married to a local Japanese man who currently works in Japan as a certified therapist -- comes by every Wednesday and gathers a few people around to sit in a circle and share things about themselves while having fun. Not a lot of people take her seriously despite her fluency in the language and how she dresses up really professional to show up -- because in the end, that is still a woman in front of them. Most of these men have not seen a woman from the outside world for a very long time other than a few guards and visitors, so they take every opportunity to tease and have fun with Taira-san, who doesn't reject their attitude harshly but is private when it comes to being asked about her husband.

"So, anyway, enough of my husband, please. He is nice and a good man." She huffs with a small frown but is quick to disappear it as she adjusts her top. It is tight and obviously very uncomfortable -- Bianca had picked the wrong shirt to wear today -- but she'll have to cope for now.

"Let's move on to our next question, shall we?" She smiles brightly and the men nod in agreement. She looks at the piece of nearly crumpled paper in her hand and searches for the sentence.

"Oh. This is a fun one." Bianca chuckles lightly and Minamoto, a man who is sitting in front of her, beams at her hint. "C'mon, say it already." He motions for her to hurry up.

She clears her throat and reads it out loud.

"What would you do for love?"

Everyone is laughing and shouting answers when the question comes up. They seem to have a lot of ideas for this one and Taira-san grins. Her objective for holding this session has been accomplished and she feels nothing but satisfaction when the men around her are genuinely having fun while laughing at each other's responses.

And to her, it is nothing but a simple and fun question. Prompts a straightforward answer too. Everyone does different things for love. Everyone is willing to do different things for love, and it would be really interesting to hear different people's answers.

Bianca attempts to calm them down with a laugh.

"Okay, everyone. Please calm down. Let's start sharing our answers one by one, okay?"

She looks around the circle. She spins and spins and spins until her eyes land on a certain individual who has been very quiet this whole day. Which is not a surprise, he is usually very quiet, too -- doesn't share a whole lot about himself and minds his own business when around people but Bianca feels that there is a little something hidden behind those dark, purple eyes. She feels that it is part of why he is so quiet, and she is determined to make him open up his shell.

She'll start from today.

"Haitani-san."

The man looks up at her at the sound of his surname and he blinks. "Would you like to go first?" She is hopeful when she asks it. He'll usually shake his head as a pass and tell her to move on with the question when being called upon, but Bianca finds it amusing when he doesn't do it this time. Instead, he looks back down on the skin around his fingernails that have been picked raw and he sighs.

"What was the question again?"

Bianca grins.

"What would you do for love?"

His mind runs at it. He thinks and thinks and thinks but nothing concrete comes up.

He shrugs.

And Bianca is relatively shocked at his answer.

"Everything."

The men in the circle around him grow quiet immediately when he says his answer. No one speaks and he fidgets a little in his seat -- he doesn't like that the attention is all on him now, and he regrets it a little for replying to her question.

Only one guy snickers and he nudges his arm.

Minamoto's face is red as he laughs at the man, "seriously? What? Like you'd even kill for your girl or something? That's so corny, dude."

He shrugs.

Minamoto is a man who'd just arrived here not too long ago -- he'd claimed that it was for something minor and he'll be out soon in no time, but he'd quickly gotten close to most of the people here because of his open mind and bright laughter. But the other men beside him are men who have been around for a very long time -- long enough to know that whatever he says should be taken seriously, and what he'd said is true -- and they'd be a fool to doubt that he is lying.

That he'd do everything for love.

He doesn't say a thing at Minamoto's tease and looks out the window to his right. It is gloomy and seems to be a bit windy outside today -- a bit too similar to what he's currently feeling on the inside and it makes his stomach churn a little. So he turns back and stares at Minamoto who immediately quiets down when he sees nothing but pure darkness in his eyes. It reminds him so much of hurt and pain -- and for once, Minamoto quickly gets the idea and his smile falters.

"Oh, so-"

Minamoto is disrupted by a guard pushing the door open and entering the room, a handcuff in hand and she clears her throat.

"Inmate 103, a visitor for you."

Mizobe stands up abruptly at the guard's notice. He is an elder man who is sitting beside the said inmate and has been friends with him for a very long time -- at least long enough for him to know that this is a once in a lifetime thing -- and he gapes.

"No fuckin' way." He pokes a finger into the younger man's shoulder while pointing another at the guard who is waiting patiently by the door. "You hear that, Haitani?! A visitor for you!"

He says nothing but stands up straight at the call of his inmate number. He shuffles over to the guard with a blank expression but no one knows that on the inside, he feels as though his heart is about to fall out of his chest -- it rattles, jumps and skips beat after beat. And he lets the guard cuff his hands together while walking him out the door.

"Who is it?" He decides to bite when he slowly approaches the visiting room. He has never been here for 7 years already -- just once at the very start of his sentencing when his brother had visited to tell him that he is never coming back here again. "Tell me."

". . . You'll see." She says softly and uncuffs his wrists with a key when they stop at the entrance. The door is locked tight and he is confused when she tells him to turn around. "As far as I know I am not allowed to see people without cuffs." He states in an uncertain tone and the guard chuckles a little at his puzzled expression. She looks around to make sure no one else hears other than the few guards who are in shift. They all smile at him.

"It is your first visitor after so long, so we'll let it pass today. Just take your time, with her. No time limit." She motions to another guard to unlock the door and all of a sudden he doesn't feel like going out anymore.

He hasn't had a visitor in 7 years. Not once in his how long his sentencing has been going on and to hear that it is a her makes his entire being falter. From being a quiet yet strong guy in his unit, he is reduced to nothing but a coward when the guard pushes him out the door by the shoulders and he stumbles a little on the way.

And his heart stops beating entirely at the sight of a woman sitting by a table.

A woman that looks a lot like you.

"Rindou."

The doors close behind him. There is no one else in the room except for the two of you. Rindou hears nothing except for the sounds of your soft cries while you waddle over to him -- they came rolling down your cheeks like waterfall at the sight of him. 7 years later and you finally get to see him again, and your body reacts differently than what you'd expected it to. Your feet moves automatically, closer to his body and his breath fluctuates, in and out of his mouth when your cream coloured coat makes you look so small and you reach both arms out to him.

The bright orange jumper he wears makes him look a bit like the mandarins you'd used to pick together back home in Kanagawa. You cry louder at it and look down to grab at his hands. You whimper because they are so warm when you place them both on your face. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head to kiss at his left palm, then the right and his lips wobble at your gentleness after all that he's done. Your tears wet his skin and they move swiftly without hesitation to cup your soft and rosy cheeks -- his thumbs swiping the salty away and you sob in his hands. You hiccup and he pulls you close to his lips to kiss at your forehead. He doesn't retreat and doesn't dare look into your eyes either when you pull away.

"Rindou." You manage to call for his name again after a while and he finally meets your eyes this time -- and he sees nothing but darkness mixed oddly with so much love in them. "My Rindou." The purple orbs you've always loved admiring at fleets and his heart stutters in his chest.

He feels so undeserving of yours as you hand it over to him.

Rindou is in agony when he sees your crying face.

There are no more bruises on you, but you are still in so much pain, and it is all because of me.

It feels like murder to have put your heart through this, and he watches with aguishness as you cry and cry and cry. Because he'd done it. And putting you in so much pain and despair are his consequences to suffer.

He drops to his knees instantly at the sound of your misery. He kneels before you and you cry even harder when he wraps his arms around your legs and bows his head against your thighs.

"I am sorry."

Angry tears fall and drips to the floor as he continues to apologise.

"I am so sorry."

Snot runs down his nose and you hit at his shoulder.

"Stand up, Rindou. I'm not mad."

And you really weren't. You just thought he was stupid for it; that he was crazy -- fucking insane -- for actually doing it and not telling you -- hiding it and leaving you alone to think he'd left and doesn't want you anymore.

He only weeps harder and kiss at your thigh through your pants.

You're sure the Gods are criticising you for feeling everything but anger and hatred when you pull at his jumper to try and get him to stand up -- he doesn't budge and you give up. You're sure they are cursing you to eternal agony when you kneel with him instead and hug him close to your body -- you rub at his back like how you always did when he would come to you after a bad day. And you're sure they are sending the Grim Reaper your way when you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck and kiss on the skin -- you rub your face on his uniform like a cat and inhale his scent. It never went away. He still smells like the boy you've always loved. He is the boy that you've always loved.

And no sane person would ever understand you for being this close, this intimate, and this forgiving, to a person who had killed your father.

Only you would know why.

Haitani Rindou apologises to you first thing when he sees you.

And it is because he'd killed your father.

For you.

tag: @nana-osakii @idktbhloley ily

( ꒦ິ ཀ ꒦ິ ) thank you for reading! reblogs are appreciated <3

(i do not condone anything that has happened in this. this is purely fiction)

[spidey-strange]

Romeo, Romeo...

I am now living in a post Romeo & Juliet world. It might well be the only time I get to see it, but honestly what I saw on Saturday is going to stay with me forever. I wanted to put it down into words - my review of this play.

The first part of the experience is the music. We were in the bar and this repetitive rumble sound played over the tannoy, signalling that we were being called to Verona. We took our seats and we waited, all while more and more haze appeared across the sparsely-set stage and the music bore deep into my soul, gnarling and industrial, giving a sense of dystopian doom and foreboding. By the time the lights went out and the video screen showed 1597 in bright red lettering, I was already feeling a nervous nausea and an elevated heart rate.

This play is asking you to pretend, as much as they are. There is no set. There are no props. The actors stand like statues, dotted around, sometimes deep into the back of the stage as if ghostly apparitions. Sometimes the actors talk freely, other times they take their place behind mic stands as if part of a debating society. What happens on stage is coupled with video footage of other actors scattered around the bowels of the theatre, in the narrow backstage corridors, or even the theatre bar (and, of course, the roof). The fourth-wall breaks that often punctuate the end of these short video pieces eally pierce into your soul, looming over you, much like the mood of this whole production.

An example - as Mercutio lay dying, the camera is right in his face so you get the full pain and rage of him as he screams "a plague upon both your houses" and takes his final breaths. All the while, Romeo stands metres away, covered in blood, seething with unbridled rage, tears mixing with the blood of his friend.

The interval moment that follows literally made everyone gasp, a jumpscare that absolutely warrants the gravity of the moment. I won't say more because if there's even a 0.1% chance of you seeing it I don't want it ruined.

The second act of this play is decidedly quieter than the first. Clandestine conversations, whispers between characters, the comedy, gone. The deaths of Thibault and Mercutio loom large as the reality of the consequences kick in. Juliet remains defiant to the last - this is a Juliet who really knows what she wants (supported by Nurse, who is more like an older sister character full of kindness and friendly age-appropriate advice). As the end draws near, and the inevitability of what's about to happen (let's face it, we've all studied it at school, we know what happens!) becomes apparent, the silence in the theatre speaks volumes.

This production challenges you to see the traditional story through a far darker lens, and the blank spaces leave room for the oppressive mood and music to thrive and grow. It asks you to find answers in the quiet as much as the loud. It might be the best known love story of all time but the added weight of the staging proves everything hangs on the final line: "For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

Now. Acting. And oh boy was there acting. I'm going to start with Mercutio (Joshua-Alexander Williams) and Paris (Daniel Quinn-Toye) - two actors who are in their first professional production. What pressure, and how they dealt with it. Particularly Joshua-Alexander! I thought Tomiwa Edun, who played Capulet, Juliet's father, was immense - so sinister in his delivery, he had me convinced he was head of a family and of a gang empire. And Freema Agyeman as Nurse was wonderful, as I said earlier, giving this big sister energy and providing delighful lighter moments against the shade. HUGE mention to Nima Taleghani who not only was an excellent Benvolio but also edited the original text to make it a 1hr 45 version that was powerful and punchy.

Now, our main stars. Francesca Amewudah-Rivers as Juliet was incredible. She was headstrong, she was poised, she was dynamic and still at the same time. She portrayed a Juliet desperate to be free from the confines of her family, but clear that she knew what she wanted from the love (and escape) she sought. The second act belonged to her, her stillness lingering.

And the reason I fought for a ticket, Tom Holland. I've seen him at film premieres and press events, and twice playing golf, but the opportunity to see him do what (as fans) we all know to be his true calling, was irresistible. And oh my God. Honestly I was blown away by his portrayal. Brooding, emotional, at times so quiet you had to strain to hear his lament. And then rage, euphoria, shyness, a fumbling lovesick idiot. Throughout the production he provides so much range, but also so much depth, it's impossible not to feel everything he does.

To see him, clearly in his element, providing a soul to Romeo that I've never felt before - I couldn't be prouder as a fan. For too long he has been tarred with the brush that he is not a "serious actor". As fans we know that The Devil all the Time, Cherry, and The Crowded Room are proof otherwise. This should be the moment the world realises he is INCREDIBLE, to be taken seriously, to be given the respect he is long overdue.

I wish beyond words that I get to see this play again. I hope at the very least it gets an NT live screening so that fans around the world get to witness this amazing, unique, innovative production.

Violent delights indeed have violent ends.

[vanfleeter]

My Love: Chapter 2

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Sara, Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka, Daniel Wagner, Chris Turpin. Warnings: 18+ || Language. Gore. Mentions of murder. Vampires. Blood drinking. Angst. Anger. Frustration. Crying. Drinking. Jealousy. Smut. Sexual intentions. Cockblocking.

The book shelves only feel like they’re caving in on me as I pace around the room. The anger still boils in my veins. I look down at my hand and remember the way it looked curled around her neck. Then I remember the fear in her eyes. Shaking my hands, I walk over to the desk and slump down in the chair.

She hasn’t left the bedroom. I can hear crying–muffled mostly by a pillow, but nonetheless–crying. I did that to her, I made her cry. I’ve never made her cry and I’ve never gotten angry with her. At least, not like that.

Suddenly I hear her feet touch the floor as she walks across the room and towards the door. I lean forward, resting my elbows on the desk. She descends the stairs, walking past the study. Her heart rate is elevated, the rush of her blood making my mouth salivate. But that changes when I hear the front door open. Standing from the desk chair, I walk over to the window and watch her as she gets in her car and pulls out of the driveway.

Yanking the curtains closed, I let the anger finally consume me. Swiping my arms across the desk, I send everything flying off the top. Grabbing my keys, I run out to my car and take off.

Not after her.

I won’t chase after her.

The bass of the music beats through my body as I slip around people in the crowded hallway. Making it out and into the open space, my eyes immediately land on her. Her eyes lock with mine and a sinister smile spreads across her face as she leans against the bar counter.

“Well well well, what brings you around here, Mr. Kiszka?”

I chuckle and lean against the bar beside her. “Such formality, Kate. I thought we were friends?”

“Friends keep in contact,” She sips on her drink and moves to stand in front of me. “I haven’t heard from you in months.. So tell me, what brings you around here?” She eyes me suspiciously as she finishes off her drink. “Do you need a fix?”

“I shouldn’t..”

“What happened?” She says, cocking her head. “Does your little human not satisfy you?”

“I don’t want to talk about her..”

“Ope.. Trouble in paradise, I see..”

I sigh. “She’s angry..”

“What did you do?”

“It’s what I won’t do..” I say as I take on the now empty bar stool beside me.

“I don’t get why you won’t.. She won’t live forever and I will definitely not be there to mend your broken heart when she dies..”

“Wow, you sure do know how to cheer someone up.” I grumble while resting my chin in the palm of my hand.

Katherine Wilks. Quite an old friend of mine. We met nearly a hundred years ago. She was quite the beauty then, still is even now. Never once though have I thought of her as more than a friend, even though she used to be the one I would turn to when I needed someone to talk to or even someone I could bury myself into when I needed the relief.

Kate smiles and sets her empty glass on the counter. “She loves you, Jacob. I saw it in her eyes all that time ago when you first introduced her.”

I shake my head. “No, Kate. I won’t do it.”

“But why not? Why are you so afraid of doing this one thing?”

“She deserves better..”

“Jacob..”

“I don’t want her to be like me–like my brothers–a fucking monster..”

I turn around to fully face the bar and wave down the bartender to give him my drink. The nagging urge to want to sink my teeth into somebody is unbearable.

“You’re not a monster,” Kate groans. “Despite what the legends say, we are not monsters. We choose to be them, but we aren’t them.”

The bartender comes back with my drink and I down it all in one gulp before setting it back down on the counter top and ordering another one. He comes back with another and I grab it before turning back to face Kate.

“I could’ve killed her tonight..” I admit aloud. “All I wanted to do was squeeze her neck inside the palm of my hand until she couldn’t breathe.. I wanted to snap her neck.”

“But you didn’t.. I’m assuming..”

I roll my eyes and take a drink. “You would’ve known if I did..”

“Probably find you upstairs having a threesome..” Kate scoffs with a smile. “Where is she now?”

I shrug my shoulders and sip my drink. “She left..”

“Woah, woah.. She left? And you have no idea where she went?”

“Nope..” I take another sip. “And I don’t care..”

“Oh don’t you dare do this, Jacob.” Kate says as she grabs the glass out of my hand. “Yes you do care.”

“She fucking left, Kate, because I won’t give her what she wants. So fine, she wants to be a cry baby about it and leave, then so be it.” I try to reach for the glass but she simply holds out of my reach. I huff and slide off the bar stool. “Fine,” I say as I straighten out my jacket. “I’ll find something or someone else to satisfy me..”

Walking away from the bar, I weave my way through the now crowded dance floor. The sudden smell of vanilla fills my nose and I pause.

Vanilla.

Fuck.

Turning around I’m faced with a woman, smiling wickedly. She wraps her hand around my biceps and nods her head towards the stairs. Looking up, I find another one standing at the top. She wiggles her fingers and winks before disappearing. I allow the first one to lead me to the stairs. Her blonde hair is cascading down her back, nearly touching her ass, which seems to be barely covered by the dress she wears.

Reaching the top of the stairs, she stops and turns to face me. “You know the rules, Mr. Kiszka.. Turn it off..”

I haven’t turned off my emotions since… Since before I met Sara..

Sara.

Her face flashes through my mind. The face full of fear as I grip her neck in my hand.

The delicate feeling of this woman’s hand as she slides it beneath the fabric of my shirt, pulls me away from that image. I look her in the eyes and she smiles.

“Just for a little while.. Take her off your mind..”

Her vanilla scent still clouds my head and I find myself giving in. The mental switch flipping and the overwhelming feeling of guilt washes away.

“There you are..”

Pulling me into the nearest room, she closes the door. Inside rests a bed resting underneath the window, allowing the moonlight to wash over it. I can feel myself growing hard inside my pants as her hands find my body again. Suddenly the second one shows up and she’s already undoing my belt and unbuttoning my pants.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been here, Jacob..” She softly speaks as she kisses my neck. “I see you found yourself a human..”

She barely made it down my exposed chest when the door flew open. “Found him!” I hear Sam’s voice. “Sorry ladies, time’s up,” He says, clapping his hands together.

His hands come down my shoulders and he’s guiding me out of the room. “Fix yourself,” He demands.

“Get your hands off of me..” I say as I try to shove him off.

“Listen, I don’t know what the fuck happened tonight, but Sara is at our place all upset. And those bruises..” He scoffs and shoves me down the stairs. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I do not..”

Waiting at the bottom of the stairs is Danny. I roll my eyes when ours meet and I straighten out my clothes. “Tell Josh that I do not need you goons to escort me.”

“My my, someone really is in a mood tonight.” Danny chuckles.

I shoot him a glare before I turn away, only to catch Sam motioning his hands in a way to signal to Danny that I have indeed turned off my emotions. Danny nods his head and starts to walk ahead of me, weaving his way through the crowd and back down the now crowded hallway and outside where a black SUV is parked on the side of the road.

The ride to my brother’s home was silent. The staring unbearable as the two of them watch my every move. The car finally comes to a stop in the driveway and the three of us exit and make our way inside.

“We have secured the package!��� Sam calls, his voice echoing along the vaulted ceiling and marble walls.

“The package?” Danny groans. “Shut up..”

“She’s upstairs..” I hear behind me.

Turning on my heels, I find Josh standing beside me with his arms crossed over his chest. “And?” I say. “What do you expect me to do?”

“Gee, I don’t know.. Talk to her?!” Josh says. “Fix this!”

“Fix what? She’s only upset because I won’t turn her.”

“For what reason?” Josh says. “And don’t give me the same bullshit excuse of not wanting to turn her into a monster.. Need I remind you that we are the most well behaved so-called monsters, that you think we are, in the whole south.. So knock it off..”

“And if I don’t?”

Josh’s nostrils flare and his arms drop to his sides. Next he’s shoving me towards the stairs. “Switch your flip and go talk to her.”

“You never answered my question..”

“I have a nice, shiny dagger with your name carved in it,” He growls. “Do not make me have to use it.. I’ll keep you limbo for another hundred years if I have to.”

“You dare to threaten me with that?” I scoff. “How original brother.”

“Just go..” He says, shoving me up the stairs.

Begrudgingly, I make my way up the stairs. I can already smell her. Her scent is unmistakable and undeniable. When I turn the corner I spy her in the hallway coming out of one of the rooms, and when she sees me, she darks back in and slamming the door shut. The click of the lock echoing in the massive hall. Taking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and switch that mental flip. Soon all of it comes rushing back. Even the guilt of nearly sleeping with another woman.

Knocking on the door, I wait for her to answer. When she doesn’t, I try again. “Sara, may we-”

“No..”

Oh.. Stern.

“Sara, we need-”

“Go away, Jake..”

Her voice is softer this time. I can almost hear it wavering as the sadness slowly consumes her. How can one simple argument ruin everything? How could I have been so rough with her? I have never laid my hands on her like that. Not unless she had asked me to do it. Which she has.

Kinky.

Fuck.

Now is not the time.

Taking matters into my own hands, I grip the handle and turn the knob. The spike in her pulse is evident as I shove the door open. My eyes meet hers and they aren’t filled with fear after I just broke into the room, but they’re filled with anger. Not the sadness that I had heard in her voice. Pure, white anger. Can I blame her? Not in the slightest. Seeing her angry like that makes me want her. I crave her. I need her.

“Why can’t you listen?” She says. “I said to go away.”

“You should know by now that I don’t listen very well.”

She scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. “Clearly..”

“We need to talk..”

“There’s nothing to talk about.. You made yourself very clear.. So don’t waste your time with me, I’m sure that blonde bimbo would love to continue where you left off.”

Blonde bimbo.

She’s jealous.

A pillow slams into my face, taking me by surprise and making me stumble. “Wipe that smirk off your face..”

“I’m sorry-”

“You’re disgusting..”

“Sara-”

“Leave.”

“Are you ordering me?”

“So what if I am?” She says. “You’re not the only one that’s in charge.”

In a second I’m in her face, her scent heavy and intoxicating. My nose nearly touches hers as I lean down to kiss her. When our lips connect, I pull her body close to mine.

“I could never love another,” I whisper against her lips. “You know that.”

“So dramatic..” She says as she pushes me away.

A light chuckle leaves me and I draw her near again, walking her backwards towards the bed. “In all of my five hundred years, I have never met someone quite like you. Someone who can love so fiercely yet be so damn jealous at the same time.”

“Stop doing that..”

“Stop doing what?”

She tries to shove me away but I only hold her closer. “Stop talking like that..”

“Why? I thought you loved it..” I press my lips to her neck and suck on the soft skin. “And I’m not dramatic, love, I’m romantic. A poet if you will.”

Feeling the fabric of her nightgown, I look down and tsk as I take in her look.

“You dare show up to my brother’s home dressed like this?”

Bending down, just the slightest, I hook my hands around her thighs and lift her up onto my hips.

“Now who’s the jealous one?”

I smile and squeeze her thighs. “So you were jealous..” I lay her down on the bed, hovering over top of her as I use a hand to push up her nightgown to her hips, exposing her glorious center. She makes fast work on undoing my belt and my pants and pushes them down my hips. I reach my hand down from her hip and guide myself to her entrance.

I start to slowly push in when a knock comes on the door. “Sorry to interrupt,” Follows a voice.

Both of us look over. I groan aloud and pull away before standing straight and shoving myself back into my pants. Sara’s moving to sit up, pulling her nightgown back down.

“Christopher..” I mutter.

“What? Not excited to see me?”

“Considering what you just broke up? No..”

He chuckles and leans against the threshold. “I’m here for business.. It’s important..”

I glance over at Sara and nod my head towards the door. I reach for her hand as she walks by and I pull her back. “Do not come upstairs until I tell you to, understand?” I say into her ear. “Stay away.” She meekly nods her head and I let her go.

I clear my throat when I catch him watching her as she leaves. He rolls his eyes and steps into the room. “Just one little nip..” He says.

“Touch her and I will kill you.”

“Exactly why I’m here,” Chris says as he walks over to the bed and sits down. “Well partially..”

“Alright,” I lean against the bedpost. “Why are you here then?”

“I have been sent here from London to investigate the recent murders along the eastern seaboard,” Chris says as he stands back to his feet.

“Well I can certainly tell you that it’s not me committing these murders, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

Chris chuckles but shakes his head. “I fully believe that you are not responsible for them,” He says. “You seem rather…occupied.” He says, directing his eyes towards the door that Sara left through. “I still don’t understand why you waste your time with a human..”

“Chris..”

“No, truly, Jacob.. What if you turn her and she becomes like one of the newborns? The newborn that happens to be terrorizing the East Coast as we speak.”

“I’m not turning her..” I say. “For that exact reason.. We are monsters, whether my brothers choose to believe the myths or not, that is what we are. How can I trust that she won’t be the same?”

Chris nods his head. “At least that we can agree on..” He runs a hand through his hair. “You are the most experienced dealing with newborns.. You know how they operate..”

“Considering we all were one once?” I say, raising my eyebrows. “And I assume that you are requesting my assistance in tracking down this newborn?”

“Yes.”

“Where do you need me then?”

Chris starts for the door. “The latest one was in Boston, I expect to see you there tomorrow morning.. I would suggest now, but seeing what I interrupted,” He smirks. “I suggest you get some use out of her because you will be gone for a while.”

He turns back around and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Rolling my eyes, I go back to sit on the bed. The collar of my shirt suddenly felt tighter around my neck. Grabbing at the fabric, I pull it apart and undo the cuffs of my sleeves.

A soft knock comes on the door and I turn my head to see Sara peeking her head in. I wave her over and she slips back into the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

“Chris is..” She clears her throat. “Interesting..”

“He is indeed,” I chuckle. I pull her onto my lap, my hands gripping her hips. “And didn’t I tell you not to come back up until I called you?”

“You should know by now, Jake,” She says. “That I do not listen very well.”

“Hmm..” I smiled at her. “I do know..”

“So what did he want?” She asks. “If I am allowed to know?”

I inhale and cock my head to the side. “There is a newborn killing up and down the East Coast. Chris has requested my help in catching this newborn.”

“Oh.. So you must be leaving soon?”

I nod my head. “He wants me in Boston by tomorrow morning.”

“That does not give us much time then,” She says.

“To do what?” I ask as I run my hands underneath her nightgown. “To make up?” She nods her head and I smile. “It’s plenty of time.. And besides, he’ll survive if I show up a little late.. A newborn can’t survive in the sun until they have the proper means to do so.”

“And what would that be?”

I bring my hand up to her face and rest my index finger against her lips. “You ask too many questions.. Stop wasting the limited time we have before I leave.”

“I’m only curious.”

“And I am only craving you.”

“Not worried your brothers might hear us?”

“They wouldn’t have to hear us if we’d been at our own home..” I say and she smiles. “Next time you decide to leave home, do not come here.”

“Afraid that Josh might try something?”

I chuckle. “No, I am not afraid that Josh will try something.. It’s Sam that I am afraid of.” I pinch her thighs and she gasps. “Now stop talking…”

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[jgroffdaily]

The New Yorker Interview

Jonathan Groff Rolls Merrily Back

The actor reflects on his journey in reverse: from his latest Tony nomination to his arrival in New York, waiting tables and dreaming of Broadway.

By Michael Schulman, Photograph by Thea Traff

June 2, 2024

Excerpts:

One of the problems with “Merrily” is its protagonist, Franklin Shepard, whom we first meet as a slick, philandering forty-year-old Hollywood producer. It takes two acts to arrive at the charismatic musician he once was, with a lot of mistakes in between. Putting effect before cause gives each scene a painful irony—but how do you get an audience to care about a guy who’s off-putting for so long? “Merrily” is back on Broadway, in a production directed by Maria Friedman, and it’s finally a hit. One big reason is its Frank, played by Jonathan Groff, whose natural warmth shines through even in the character’s older, sleazier incarnation. When this revival opened Off Broadway, in 2022, The New Yorker’s Helen Shaw wrote, “Groff’s silky tenor and angelic face elevate a part that can sometimes be contemptible—for the first time, I could see Frank as both the dreamer who believes in greatness and the glib charmer who believes every lie he tells.”

Groff, thirty-nine, is now nominated for a Tony Award, alongside Friedman and his co-stars Daniel Radcliffe and Lindsay Mendez. He was previously nominated in 2016, for “Hamilton,” in the scene-stealing part of King George III, and in 2007, for the indie-rock musical “Spring Awakening,” as the rebellious schoolboy Melchior Gabor—his breakout role, opposite Lea Michele. Groff had come to New York three years earlier, as a stagestruck, closeted nineteen-year-old from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where he grew up among Mennonites and was obsessed with the original cast recording of “Annie Get Your Gun.” “Merrily,” with its themes of aging, idealism, and the vicissitudes of show business, has had Groff thinking about his own path toward stardom. “Doing this show on Broadway at this time, moving to New York twenty years ago, I’ve now lived the time frame of the show,” he told me recently.

We were talking at a bakery north of Washington Square Park. Groff had glided in on a bicycle. As we spoke, he frequently welled up with tears—he’s a crier—but regained his composure by focussing on a pair of googly eyes affixed to the wall behind me. For our conversation, which has been edited and condensed, I had an experiment in mind.

Let’s start with the extremely recent past. Three days ago, you went to the Met Gala. How was your night?

The big headline for me was Lea Michele was pregnant, and I sat next to her at the table, holding her giant train thing while she peed. She took it off, and I was holding that and her purse. I saw Zac Posen, who was at our table, help Kim Kardashian up the little tiny stairs, and I said to him, “Wow, that was such a sweet moment of the gay helping the diva.” I was relating to him, like with me and Lea. It’s a zoo of famous people. I was going to go to the after-parties, but my body was just, like, “No.” I hit a wall from the shows and the epicness of the week, with the Tony nominations. So I was home by eleven-forty-five, and in bed by midnight.

The Broadway production of “Merrily” opened last fall. You told Jimmy Fallon that Meryl Streep came to your dressing room, where you have a bar named BARbra, and she took a video of you and sent it to Barbra Streisand. Who else has been there?

The first thing that comes to me is sitting in BARbra in October or November, drinking whiskey with Sutton Foster. I came to New York as a teen-ager and saw her six times in “Thoroughly Modern Millie”—now she’s in BARbra, dropping in for, like, an hour and a half after the show, and it’s so full circle. Who else? Patti LuPone was there—another big one for me. Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Martin McDonagh. Glenn Close sent back a bottle of champagne to be chilled in BARbra, which we drank together.

This show, like every Sondheim show, is very dense. Over the course of three hundred-plus performances, are there certain moments that have suddenly hit you a different way, or that you realize have a double meaning?

Double, triple, quadruple, infinity. I’m still having revelations, which really makes me believe that it’s a true work of art. Maria [Friedman] talks about how, with Sondheim’s writing, he “leaves space,” which is why it’s always new. He always needed to work with a collaborator, and she talked about the actor being an essential collaborator. She said the lyric he wrote in “Sunday in the Park with George”—“Anything you do, / let it come from you, / then it will be new”—is Sondheim’s directive to the actor.

The Tuesday after the Tony nominations, I got to the theatre, screamed with Lindsay [Mendez], screamed with Dan [Radcliffe]. [He chokes up.] Then I was singing “Growing Up”—“So old friends, don’t you see we can have it all?”—which has meant so many different things to me in the run of the show. At yesterday’s matinée, Dan and I were sitting on the roof singing “Our Time”: “Up to us, pal, to show ’em.” We’ve done it a million times. We look at each other, and Dan just fucking loses it crying. He had to look away from me. We talked about it afterward, like, “What the fuck was that?” I don’t know. Something just happened.

When you started the show, in 2022, at New York Theatre Workshop, were there kinks in your performance that you’ve since figured out?

I remember feeling shocked at being disliked for so long in the first half of the first act. It was very clear from the energy of the audience that they loved Mary in the opening scene—immediately, they’re on her side. I’m out here as a gay guy, playing this straight, two-timing Hollywood producer who’s cheating on his wife. I’m already having to feel confident in a way that I don’t in my everyday life, this sort of swagger. And the audience hates me. I remember feeling scared and self-conscious. Maria, in that preview process, really helped with that, because she talked about the value of when it’s real, and you’re not playing ugly just to be ugly. The one line that I really struggled with was “I’m just acting like it all matters so people can’t see how much I hate my life and how much I wish the whole goddam thing was over.” That is a really confronting thing to say.

People might say that this is one of the fundamental flaws of “Merrily We Roll Along”—that you’re confronted with this cynical, smarmy Frank in the first act, and you don’t really understand him until the show’s over. I can imagine going into this not knowing if that’s a solvable problem, because it hadn’t been for decades.

Well, Maria wanted us to find the truth. She really believed that these characters weren’t archetypes, that there’s humanity in the writing from beginning to end. I found it after that first week or two of previews, not being so afraid. The line that made me want to do the show was “I’ve made only one mistake in my life, but I’ve made it over and over and over. That was saying yes when I meant no.” I’ve done that a lot in my life, and there was something that felt like the closeted version of myself. George Furth and Stephen Sondheim—I can only imagine being gay at the time that they were gay. Even though Frank is straight, there’s so much repression that feels very familiar to me.

Except that you felt it at the beginning of your life and not the middle, as Frank does.

Yes and no. I still feel it. I’m still trying every day not to go back. I’m obviously out of the closet, so that’s a huge relief, but I’m always going to be reckoning with the Republican upbringing that I had. I’m always negotiating whatever homophobia I’ve got. It’s all in there, still. What we see as ugliness in the top of the show, to stand and say, “I want to fucking kill myself, I hate my life,” and not overdramatize it but try to find it in the most pure, truthful place—it’s still, every night, a meditation to go there.

Let’s wind back. In 2021, you played Agent Smith in “The Matrix Resurrections.” Any good stories about Keanu Reeves?

Getting to play Agent Smith really unlocked rage inside of me that I didn’t know was there. That’s helped me so much with “Merrily,” particularly in the first act. Learning the kung fu was, like, months of fight training. They called me the Savage, because I was so into it. We were shooting a big fight sequence with Keanu, and, after the first few takes, I remember Lana [Wachowski] at the monitor, like, “Jonathan, come over here. Who is that?” I was, like, “I don’t know.” And she was, like, “And what is that?” I said, “Gay rage?”

I’d never shot a gun before. I shot Keanu and thought I had peed my pants, because I had this hot feeling. You know when you pee yourself and it’s warm? It lasted about ten minutes and then it went away. I sat next to Keanu and said, “Keanu, I just had extreme heat from my groin for, like, ten minutes.” And he was, like, “You opened up your root chakra.”

You turned thirty that year [Hamilton]? How was that?

I remember it vividly. We were at the Public Theatre. There was a fire in the East Village, and the show was cancelled that night. I got a cupcake at the deli around the corner from my apartment, on Sixteenth Street, and ate it by myself. I can be a bit of a loner, so that was a happy birthday for me.

(On Looking being cancelled)

But, in 2015, Michael Lombardo was our executive at HBO, and I was crying into my salad at some restaurant in West Hollywood, trying to convince him to keep the show going, right before getting on the plane to come do “Hamilton” Off Broadway.

I loved Raúl Castillo, who played your love interest Richie on the show. I interviewed him around then, and he told me that, since he’s straight, you all had to teach him some of the mechanics of what gay people do.

Oh, yeah! God, I love him so much. I officiated his wedding in July.

Let’s go back to 2013, when “Frozen” came out. You voiced the iceman Kristoff and the reindeer Sven. How did that film change your life?

It’s funny—I remember recording some of “Frozen” in San Francisco. I would be teaching Raúl, like, how to lick my asshole while jerking me off—not teaching him, but sharing the ins and outs of gay intimacy—and then going into the recording studio on a Saturday and being Kristoff and Sven in a Disney movie.

When they showed me “Let It Go” for the first time, I was, like, Oh, my God, this will help millions of people come out of the closet. This is the gayest thing I’ve seen in my life! That was the thing about “Frozen”: I don’t think anyone who worked on it thought it was going to be a juggernaut. It’s so weird to think of this now, but when it came out it felt quite alternative, because there was no villain, really, and the love was between two women. Now there are, like, tissues with Elsa on it.

Now we’re moving backward to “Spring Awakening.” By the time it moved to Broadway, in 2006, you were the twenty-one-year-old lead of the coolest musical in town. What was your actual life like?

I was so not cool. The show was cool, and the music was cool. I had people dropping me off joints at the theatre. And I remember fully understanding the stark difference between who I was playing onstage and who I was in real life, which was an extreme theatre nerd who wanted to be in the ensemble of “Thoroughly Modern Millie” and never would have imagined playing Melchior. It’s his gravitas. And trying to tap into that side of myself, which was a side I’d never experienced before.

Tell me about your audition.

I went to the open call and knew who Michael Mayer was, because he had directed “Thoroughly Modern Millie.” But it was “Spring Awakening” and I was, like, There’s a beating scene? This is so intense! They called me in for Melchior, then had me sing “Hey Jude” in a falsetto, and Michael was, like, “That was your falsetto?” And I laughed at him sort of making fun of me. Tom Hulce, who was our producer, told me years later that he moved my head shot from the “No” pile into the “Yes” pile because I had laughed at Michael in the audition, and he thought, This kid has the ability to let Michael roll off his back. We should bring him back in the next month or two.

It was, like, ten people up for Melchior. They brought me in first, because they thought they would just see me and cut me. But I had worked so hard on the audition material. I remember calling my dad the night before the final callback and saying to him, “I know I can’t be this character all the way yet, but I—”[He tears up again.] I really got to get my shit together! Why does this keep happening to me?

Because we’ve gone on an emotional journey.

I guess so, in reverse! Fuck me. [Pauses.] I knew that I had it inside, if they would just give me the chance. That’s all I was trying to say, but I guess I can’t stop crying while I’m saying it.

In 2005, you made your Broadway début, as an understudy in “In My Life.” Now, this was the weirdest musical I’ve ever seen. As I recall, there were dancing skeletons in a song about how everyone has a skeleton in their closet, a giant lemon that came from the sky at the end, and a girl on a scooter who turns out to be a ghost. And it was written by the guy who wrote “You Light Up My Life,” who then came to a dark end.

And his son!

Yes, his son killed his girlfriend. What the hell was going on with that show? Did you ever go on?

I went on for the ensemble members. I was so excited! I was in my first Broadway show, at the Music Box Theatre, walking in where it says “Stage Door.” And you couldn’t give away tickets to see the show. People were coming to laugh at the show from the audience.

Like “Springtime for Hitler”?

Exactly. And the cast had to do the show, even though people were laughing at them, which is devastating for the actors. But we formed a little family. It’s the plight of the actor. You’re just out there, like Sally Bowles in “Cabaret.” I was twenty years old, so I was lit.

Had you been waiting tables?

Yeah. The whole year before that, I was at the Chelsea Grill, in Hell’s Kitchen. The day I got to New York—October 21, 2004—I moved to Fifty-first Street and Ninth Avenue, before it was super gay, and I walked down Ninth and got a job waiting tables. A week later, I waited on Tom Viola, who runs the charity Broadway Cares, and became a bucket collector. I’d watch the second act of shows and then collect the money at the end. I went to hundreds of auditions, trying to get my Equity card. That, to me, was “Opening Doors,” from “Merrily”—that moment of sheer will and ambition and ignorance.

We’ve now reached our finale, which is 2004. Can you tell me about the decision to move to New York?

My mom was a gym teacher and my dad is a horse trainer, and they didn’t really understand anything about the performing world. But my dad grew up on a dairy farm, and he was supposed to take over and become a Mennonite preacher, which is what my grandfather was. My dad didn’t like cows—he liked horse racing, so he sort of rebelled and did his own thing. My mom always says that nurse, secretary, or teacher were the options for women in a small town at that time, but her passion was sports, so she ended up being a coach.

So they understood the power of fanning the flame of passion. When I was a kid and into acting, they drove me to play practice. They drove me to community theatre. My senior year of high school, my mom drove me to New York to audition for this bus-and-truck tour of “The Sound of Music.” I got that tour, and deferred my admission to Carnegie Mellon. I made ten thousand dollars after a year on the road, and I learned so much from getting to act every day. I wanted to take my ten thousand and move to New York, and my parents were super supportive: “If you feel like you need to go to college, you can always go to college. But take a gamble and move to the city.” I’d worked at this theatre in Lancaster called the Fulton Opera House, where I’d met this girl who wanted to move to New York, so she became my roommate.

To me, “Merrily We Roll Along” is about how difficult it is to stay in touch with the person you were as adulthood knocks you sideways and forward. When you think about nineteen-year-old Jonathan coming to New York, do you feel like you’re the same person? What’s changed?

[He bursts into tears.] I can’t tell why I cry! When we were about to start rehearsal for “Merrily,” I would listen to “Our Time,” and I couldn’t sing it without crying. And, when I think about that version of myself—I think it’s because that person who brings you here does diminish. Maybe it’s the grief for that person. The whole reason that I’m here now is because of that person, but that person no longer exists.

But that person is still in there, somewhere. That voice is so quiet now, but it’s still driving my choices. You have to make choices. You get older, that pure inspiration dies, but it doesn’t have to go all the way away. I think that’s the whole point of the show, why it goes backward. Maria says that Sondheim put all of his regret into it, so that we could have less regret for ourselves. And perhaps the reason it ends with these people, with these versions of ourselves that we remember when we see it, is that it’s an invitation to remember and honor that person.

Why does that make me cry? Is it grief? Is it joy? I don’t know, but I’m so grateful for that purity and that optimism. The first month that I was here, feeling so lost and confused, I pulled the Bible that my Mennonite grandmother gave me off the bookshelf. She gave me that Bible before I left town. I was alone in the apartment thinking, What the fuck am I doing in New York? Or not even “what the fuck”—I didn’t swear until “Spring Awakening,” and when I would sing “Totally Fucked” I would get beet red. And I remember putting the Bible down and thinking, This is not the answer. This is not making me feel good. And then running to Central Park and standing in front of the Bethesda Fountain. I was nineteen, and I was, like, This feels better—but, like, What? Who am I? What am I doing here? I know I want to act, but I’m so scared. And gay. But it was something—some voice, some passion, some inspiration. Some something brought me here.

[f1version]

GOAL OF THE CENTURY ★ DR3

pairing: daniel ricciardo x gn!reader (no pronouns specified)

summary: You and Daniel are on a Gang of Youths concert and they are playing Goal of the Century which makes daniel realize how in love with you he is.

or from this request

warnings: just fluff, kissing.

word count: 596

note: This was one of my favorites to write, i love Gang of Youths and this made me hear their songs over and over again while I wrote this. I think I cried a bit. Listen to them !!

Music had always been something you and Daniel shared. You didn't have the exact same taste, but every time you heard a song or found an artist you liked, you showed it to the other. Maybe that's why you're here.

Gang of Youths was yours and Dan's favorite band, so when they reached out to invite you to their all-songs-one-night show in Sydney, you couldn't say no.

The place was full, and while songs passed, you noticed how everyone sang along, how everyone was feeling the music just as it was meant to. The feeling was unmatchable, and when certain song started playing, it became more than a feeling.

Goal of the Century.

One of your favorite songs, the one that also mentioned Danny. You looked up at him, he was already looking at you.

"Hi," He said.

"I love this song" Was all you answered, he smiled and grabbed you by the waist, softly dancing to the song.

You sing the verses and I repeat the tune

Daniel brought you into his chest while he sang, you looked up, his eyes fixed on the stage. You surrounded his waist with your arms, singing the song too.

You wanna know what a life is?

The song kept going and you freed yourself from his embrace at some point, dancing and jumping to the song, watching him follow you.

Music wrapped around you, feeling your body elevate to places only music reached. Daniel looked down to kiss you.

Hey hey, say the truth

The world when quiet when the song asked it to be, and the wait for the last verses didn't feel long. Soft singing was heard in every corner of the venue.

You were focused on singing for the band, showing the admiration and love you had for their music. You didn't notice, but Daniel was looking at you, his eyes loving every second.

He loved seeing you shine, this becoming one of his favorite moments in life. He had you —his favorite person— next to him, enjoying one of his favorite things, he wanted to capture this forever.

He let himself listen to your singing, your voice was gorgeous, it was perfect for him.

My brothers are calling

The rabbits are chasing

Ricciardo is racing

Oh. His breath hitched, that lyric meant so much to him. Being included in such a beautiful song, with such a meaning was an honor to him. He loved it. And you sang it so perfectly, beautifully, louder than any other, it made him smile, his chest feeling heavy from love.

The song stopped, and cheers took you out of your trance. You turned around to find your boyfriend almost crying, or it looked like it.

Daniel was smiling brighter than ever, his eyes squinting, but he looked so full of emotion, his hands behind his neck, relaxed but so tense.

"Baby? Is everything o-" He didn’t let you finish, his mouth finding yours in a melting passionate kiss.

And despite the intensity of it all, he held your face as if it was porcelain, his thumb doing small circles in your cheek. You could feel his heart racing, he was almost shaking — but maybe that was you.

When you let go, you rested on each other's foreheads, eyes closed.

"I love you," He whispered, sliding his hands through your waist. "so fucking much"

You opened your eyes, quickly finding his. They were glowing.

"I love you too, Dan, I love everything about you."

"I'll do everything for it to be that way forever."

[creedslove]

Whiskey Intoxication 🥃

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!agent!reader

He's intoxicating, you want him even if it's not healthy, but there's one problem: he doesn't like you 🥃

Summary: you can't help but feel jealous of Whiskey when he sleeps with his target instead of just getting information

Warnings: angst, jealousy, jealous!reader, mentions of smut, unrequited feelings, age gap (not specified, but Whiskey is older than you), sort of depressed Whiskey

A/N: I had this idea after the frustrating attempts I had of roleplaying with Whiskey characters on c.ai; it just didn't work, but I at least this one shot came out of it, lol!

1.8k words

You paced the room, looking out the window and watching the glaring lights from the city at night; checking the time, it read half past midnight and Whiskey still wasn't back. Knowing damn well where he was and what he was doing you shook your head, finally getting rid of your party dress, kicking your heels off and getting on the couch. The hotel room was comfortable, large and fancy, but it felt so empty and the fact your partner hadn't been back only made it worse. It hadn't been long since you started being paired up with Whiskey on missions. It had always been fun and exciting to go on missions with senior Agent Whiskey. He was experienced, fun, and so great at fighting, you were always safe and all your mission results were successful. For quite a while, it had been your favorite kind of job, that was until you noticed Whiskey's usual flirt actually made you giggle, and that his eyes would roam all over your body whenever you were dressed up to go undercover or you would have to hold hands, wear fake wedding rings and occasionally exchange a peck on the lips in public in order to make your cover even more believable, but when you noticed you suddenly felt butterflies in your stomach whenever he was around, how your palms were sweaty and that your heart raced the moment that damn cowboy shot you a beautiful smile. 

Just as your heart clenched every time he gave some other woman the same kind of attention, how he flirted with them, charmed them, placed his hand on their knee at a bar stool or times like these, where he chose to straight up sleep with the target instead of just getting all the information he could and get out as fast as possible. You hated how you never got to be one of Whiskey's girls, perhaps because you wanted to be more than just one night stand. He knew that, he heard you multiple times talking about your desire of having roots, building a family and all that cliche. For a while, you thought you and Jack were the same, judging by the stories you heard about his background you had figured he would want to have a second chance, but you just guessed he didn't. Perhaps the trauma of losing it all was enough for him to make up his mind and decide he didn't want it anymore, it kind of made sense to you why he was just sleeping from woman to woman without any emotional attachments. 

Another situation that really hurt you, was to know that you almost became one of them; it was during your mission to England, you, Jack and the other agent from Kingsman had to go undercover in a music festival, which was actually a pleasant surprise, if it weren't for the fact Jack had been turned down by the target in a way it really embarrassed him, perhaps it started a midlife crisis, you wouldn't be able to tell, but the reality was that in no time you and Jack were back at the hotel, he had your body pressed against the wall as you were both making out inside the elevator. You would probably never forget how your body felt on fire at his mere touch. His cologne lingering on your body, his lips on yours and then on your neck. It was all intoxicating. It was addictive… and just as it had started, it had ended just as abruptly. He let go of your body and cleared his throat, feeling suddenly embarrassed and went straight to his room. After that certain episode, he hadn't said anything else, and you were forced to do the same, pretending it never happened, though your heart and your body ached for another one of his devilish touches. 

You pulled a blanket over your body and sighed at the desperation that grew in your chest. What the hell was going on with you? How could your feelings for Whiskey keep growing even if the rational attitude would stay away as much as possible and perhaps try to go and meet someone else; it was a dead end. You couldn't simply use someone else's feelings in order to get over yours for Whiskey, it was wrong and someone would end up hurt. 

The moment you heard the door unlocked, you took a deep breath, knowing he would be there, smelling like another woman, probably with a shit eating grin and still a little dizzy out of his sex haze. It didn't matter if it was only his business, he still took the opportunity of having his fun. As he walked inside the room just like you had predicted, he kicked off his shoes and began unbuttoning his shirt, well, the rest of it, as he hadn't even bothered buttoning it all the way up in the first place. As he got closer and sat next to you on the couch, you could see the hickeys all over his neck, your stomach twisting at the undeniable proof he'd been with another woman. 

You had never been married, but you'd been desperately in love with a man who didn't think twice before sleeping around, even if he didn't belong to you, just the fact you two had to act as a married couple in front of people had already given you a sense of ownership. It was wrong, but that was how you felt, you felt as if Jack Daniels was your cowboy, your man, and it gutted you to see him so close without actually being able to touch him.

"I'm tired, sugar.." he groaned as he extended his legs and rested his feet on the coffee table 

"I bet you are… getting your dick wet every mission is exhausting" you rolled your eyes at him, not controlling your tone and saw him shake his head, getting up with a groan and taking a step away from you, he never really understood why you would always get so snappy at him the moment he slept with a target; he actually did understand it, he knew you had a crush on him, but he thought you would've figured out he didn't reciprocate the feelings and that you should have done something about it. It just annoyed that cowboy to no end how you were nice and sweet one moment and the next you seemed you couldn't even stand being around him. 

He placed his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, clearly annoyed 

"What's your problem with me, huh? I was doing my job, I got ourselves the leads and information we needed, better than staying here all night sulking like a goddamn spoiled child!" 

He took a step closer, feeling so angry but you scrunched your nose softly and sneezed a couple of times, earning a puzzled look from him 

"You are reeking of that bitch's cheap perfume, Whiskey! Stay away!" You said angrily not needing another allergy crisis kicking in at that moment. He sighed deeply one last time and took his stetson off, locking himself in the bathroom so he could shower and continue his conversation with you. 

Jack stared at himself in the mirror after his shower, seeing the hickeys the target left on his skin and sighed; just because he didn't share the same feelings for you as you did for him, it didn't mean he liked rubbing it on your face. It hurt you, but you also had to understand it was part of the job and if roles were reversed, he would have to accept you sleeping around just the same. You were lying on the bed now, only the nightstand lamps were on, as you kept staring at the fake wedding ring on your left hand, absorbed in your thoughts deeply, barely noticing when the mattress sank next to you at the weight of the cowboy, who sat by your side. 

"Darlin' I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have called you a child" he told you in a soft tone, knowing how much you hated whenever he called you anything related to that, he was older than you, yes, but you were a functional adult who hated when he tried to pull that card on you. 

"When I said I was tired, I wasn't talking about our target, I was talking about this life… this lonely, pointless life" he shrugged and took your left hand into his bigger one, his rough fingers stroking your wedding band distractedly "I just feel lost, like I have no real purpose, I have no one to come back home to, no one to spend all the money I get with, it's just weird…" he confessed, giving you his honest sad eyes, and you softened up. As much as you often felt angry with him because of the unrequited mess of feelings you both were in, you also felt so sorry for him. Jack was still young, he still had time to build a family, find someone to be happy with, instead of dwelling into his loneliness and sadness like he did. 

"I'm sorry Jack… I was harsh to you too, I know it was just part of your job, well, our job and I was selfish" you sighed "but I don't like seeing you like that, you know… upset" 

"Don't worry about me, sugar…" he squeezed your hand gently, his finger still toying with your ring "I'm sure one day you'll be an amazing wife, you're already a great fake wife to me, and I ain't even worthy of you, in our fake marriage, I mean" he chuckled softly "you'll be great at it, and if you ever have kids you'll be an amazing mom, I just know it." 

"Jack, you know you can still have it all, right? I know about what happened, when you were married for the first time, but you can try it again, you can remarry, perhaps even have children, you can start all over again" 

You can start all over again with me. 

You can marry me.

Have kids with me. 

That was what you thought but didn't dare say it. 

"It's too late for me, I already had my happy ending, sugar, I just lost it" he shrugged and got up, walking to the couch and settling down, he was too much of a gentleman to impose his presence in bed with you, even if that was exactly what you craved, even if you couldn't have him whole, you would like to at least have the feeling of his arms wrapped around you, but unfortunately another mission was coming to an end and nothing happened. 

You sighed and buried your face into your pillow, resting your eyes in hopes of dreaming about the man who was right there but so out of reach at the same time. 

____

[spadesolace]

solace

pairings: idol! haerin x model! reader

warning/s: a few hints of hate comments, overworking, you might feel single bc i did while writing it, and just fluff... plus reader secretly watching haerin's fancams.

requested: yes, and i was planning on writing a haerin fic the other day, this anon knows my brain and idk how.

Haerin was tired.

Everything would have been fine if they were given a break but the amount of performances they had to do was too much for her. She loved performing, it was her passion. She knew the consequences of being an idol, the amount of cameras on her, the prying eyes, little to no personal space (sometimes), and the negative comments. she couldn���t wait for promotions to end and get her well deserved rest. During one of their lives, it was part of promotions to be active online and connect with fans, she knew that trolls would come once in a while and she didn’t mind it until it was hitting her insecurities. Haerin was tired and being attacked online, the girls took notice and wanted to help but she brushed it off. she needed you.

Haerin hasn’t seen you for a while, could she blame you? You had quite the schedule as a model, sometimes flying around the country and you were finishing your classes online. Luckily, she had a copy of your schedule, she knew you had the entire month to finish your classes as exams were coming. You were home and Haerin can’t wait to see you, hold you, and stay by your side. She wanted to be alone with you.

Once promotions for omg ended, Haerin could already feel her energy draining faster. She was expected to be at the dorms but she needed you, she wanted the comfort you brought. What did she do? She talked to her managers, asking to be dropped off at your place instead, they were open with your relationship. You were a good influence to Haerin and the girls, and they could see it whenever you would visit the dorms. Whenever the girls were tired and you were in town, only one call from you without any hesitation you’d take care of them. Haerin wanted to be selfish this time, just the two of you alone, no distractions, no Minji asking Haerin to leave the door open, no Hanni and Danielle asking you about your trip to Australia, and no Hyein asking for your hugs.

It was an easy yes from the managers, if anyone deserved a break it was all of the girls and they had a month. While everyone piled into the van, tired but happy, Haerin was tired and excited to see you. You were her home, and as sappy as it is, it was the truth. A simple gesture from you could make haerin happy, from holding her hand under the blanket as you watched movies at her dorm, cooking her favorite meals because you hate seeing her hungry and skipping meals, running to the dorms if her period came and she needed a pick me up, to always checking up on her everyday.

When the van had parked inside your apartment, the girls waved her goodbye as Haerin went down getting ready to see you.

“Tell y/n we said hi and make sure to bring her tomorrow in the dorms.” Haerin nodded at Hanni before closing the door only for Hyein to complain why they couldn’t stay at your place for the night.

Haerin ran to your place, luckily there weren’t many people using the elevator when she got in. punching your apartment’s door lock, which was your anniversary. She could faintly hear the music coming from the living room. You were letting the show play as your background, but Haerin took notice that you were now watching once the familiar tune of their new song played. As soon as Haerin could perfectly see you, smiling as you watched the recording of her dancing, she could feel her heart swell. It was her first time seeing you watch her perform and she never knew how much you enjoyed it.

To you, Haerin was your comfort. You may not see her on a daily basis physically, but you’ll take any chance you could get to call her or see a video of her. She was the medicine to keep you sane throughout the day; a fancam of hers? You'll watch it and notice the littlest of things she’d do. Would you admit that you watch her videos whenever you miss her and she can’t answer the phone? No, but there was no point hiding it now that Haerin was literally behind you as you cheered her on.

You feel a soft pair of arms around your neck, the familiar scent of grapefruit finally hits you. Haerin.

“Hello, sweetie.” Haerin only hummed as she finally rested on your back, her fatigue was nowhere to be found but her mind wasn't quiet. Her entire body might show her relaxing but her thoughts were buzzing.

“Tired?” She nodded, you held her hands in place, giving it a small peck when she wasn’t moving from her spot.

“Sit down, I'll prepare you a bath and we can order whatever you want for dinner.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Cuddles.”

You could only smile as you let go of Haerin so she could walk around the couch to sit next to you getting her well deserved cuddles. In your embrace, where Haerin could let everything go, she finally let her thoughts out, from how tired she was from practice to promoting for three weeks, getting hate online, and not seeing you. Pulling her closer to you, slowly laying down on the couch so you wouldn’t disturb her cuddle time, sometimes you think she’s more of a koala rather than a cat.

“Haerin-ah, don’t forget to rest even if schedules get hectic and those trolls better be ready when I find out who they are.”  Haerin laughed at your joke, a sign that she isn’t that much bothered by it anymore.

“I know the advice ‘don’t listen to them’ is easy to hear but a bit hard to do… You’re perfect and the fans know it, I know it, heck how did I even get such a perfect girlfriend?”

“Shut up… and thank you.”

You kissed her forehead, letting her rest on top of you. A few minutes later, you heard light snores coming from Haerin, she was indeed tired and holding you helped her calm down from the hectic schedules she had.

You were home for Haerin, and she was yours.

[gretavanbear]

Different Worlds [REPOST]

Jake Kiszka x Fem!Reader

NSFW! MDNI 18+ WORK.

30.5k words.

[a/n : before you read this, i want you to know this is my first ever fanfic I've written. it is not the best writing, and it needs a lot of work that someday I will re-do. i am not very proud of this one. my writing has definitely improved, but a lovely anon requested for me to repost this. thank you.]

Synopsis: You’re the intern for a music company and you end up working for Greta Van Fleet.

Chapter 1: First Day

Stepping into the elevator, I press ‘49’. The elevator owned large mirrors on each wall, exposing me from every angle. I examined each hair out of place, my pupils were enlarged like a deer in headlights. My outfit consisted of two different shades of black, which caused self-consciousness to swarm my thoughts as I did not want to appear unprofessional. There was no music playing, only my rapid heartbeat. The sound of the doors opening snapped me out of my thoughts as I watched how calm this floor seemed. There were big windows that exposed the beautiful city below, the sun shined onto the beautiful marble floor of the gigantic open office. 

“You must be [y/n]!” A tall blonde woman stood in front of me, she had beautiful soft features and a small button nose, a nice smile and big blue eyes. I nodded and placed my hand out to shake. 

“We don’t really shake here, that’s a tad too formal, I’m Elizabeth.” She smiled. 

“I’m [y/n]. It’s nice to meet you Elizabeth. I’m so excited to be here.” I replied. 

“Your energy is like” she paused, scanning me up and down with her eyes. “perfect for this place” She finished. A wave of relief travelled its way through my chest as I smiled, my cheeks burning up.

She started walking to her right, asking me to follow her, so I did. 

She led me to her office, it was beautiful. Her desk was black and so were all of her chairs and couches, it was a very large office that encapsulated sophistication and modernism. She sat down in the corner of her large L-shaped couch and pat the seat next to her, I sat two seats away. 

“Listen, [y/n], I know it’s your first day but time never stops around here. I have a meeting in about ten minutes and I’d love for you to sit in and see how it all goes. Take notes and observe, and if they ask for anything like water or coffee feel free to bring it to them.” She explained. Her eyes offered kindness and sympathy. 

“I know how first days go, don’t worry they’re super nice.” She smiled. 

They? I guess her first meeting is with a band. Our meeting. Fifteen minutes pass by until we hear a knock at the door. Elizabeth was now seated at her desk, she got up and sat at the oval table in the corner of her office, pulling out a chair for me to sit next to her. “Come in!” she exclaimed loudly.

“Hey, Liz!” A tall, curly-headed man walked in, he wore a dark brown button-down shirt with loose pants. He had a nice smile. Behind him walked two men with long hair, brown eyes and slim figures. 

“Hey Josh, Sam, Daniel.” Elizabeth greeted them as they walked up to the table and sat down. “Where’s Jake?” She added. I was surprised that this wasn’t the whole group. 

“We closed the elevator doors before he could come in with us.” Josh, the curly-headed man said with a big smile.

“Oh come on” Elizabeth sighed, then smiled as she looked up from Josh’s head to her door. 

“I’m sorry Liz, I was left behind. ” A soft voice spoke from the entryway, I turned my head and looked up. The tall brown-eyed man with soft features smiled shyly at Elizabeth. He wore a button-down shirt, exposing half his chest, paired with skinny black jeans and really old vans shoes. They probably used to be white but they looked really old. He looked at me quickly and then sat down, avoiding eye contact. 

“So, I think you guys must be confused as to why I requested to meet with you all.” Elizabeth began. “First of all, this is [y/n], she’s my intern but she’s also at your assistance for anything you need. Now, onto business…” She introduced me to them and then introduced them to me, then explained how the band will be announcing a small tour in the next coming weeks and they’ve set up a studio for them in the building a couple of floors up. Elizabeth seemed like a very organized woman, her office was dust-less, and she looked very well composed with her hair in a bun- tightly slicked back. She wore a white t-shirt with black wide-leg flowy pants and black Doc Martens. She didn’t seem nervous when speaking to these guys, who also did not seem nervous. I took notes of how she delivered the news to them and highlighted the key points of the meeting, so next time I know how they go. While my pen scribbled all over the page, I could feel someone looking at me but I decided to focus on the notes since I get distracted so easily. 

The room filled with excitement as the boys learnt the news about their tour and studio. I looked at Jake, who had happened to sit directly in front of me. He kept his lips stuck together, looking down at his hands while his bandmates chatted with Elizabeth. His long brown hair hugged his frame so perfectly, even though he was tall and fit, he seemed so soft and calm. Looking at him and his bandmates, they seem like an indie band or maybe a soft indie genre. Jake had calm energy around him that could make anyone feel at ease, like a soft breeze on a fall day or the feeling of the sun beaming down on your skin. 

“Alright guys, I’m not going to keep you guys cooped up in here much longer, lets go check out the studio!” Elizabeth clapped happily. The boys rapidly got up, mirroring Elizabeth’s excitement. We all walked out as a group towards the elevator from earlier. 

“So, [y/n], looks like you’re stuck with us” Josh said as he looked down at me. His brown eyes watched attentively for my response. 

“More like you’re stuck with me” I replied, matching Josh’s energy. He smiled and laughed at my response. We all turned our heads towards the elevator as it dinged, alerting us it has arrived. I let them all enter the elevator, waiting for my turn but when I was about to enter I hear the rapid noise of clicking. Sam was pressing the 'close door’ button over and over. 

“It’s the 65th floor! Sam st-” I hear Elizabeth before the doors shut in front of my face. I feel myself burning up and tears welling up in my eyes out of embarrassment. I was already so nervous about today and this didn’t help the feeling. I hear someone next to me clear their throat and press the 'up’ button for the elevator. Jake. I looked up at him and he gave me a small closed-mouth smile but he didn’t look back at me. 

“They always do that,” He said softly, barely above a whisper. “Don’t worry about it.” He added, even softer even though it didn’t feel possible.

I nodded slowly in response to him. He was taller than me, like Josh, but his presence felt bigger than mine. The elevator door opened and we walked in, he let me in first. We both went to press the '65’ button, I let him do it. He turned to me after pressing the button and looked at me up and down, his eyes taking me all in. 

“You’re so nervous” He spoke softly as he stepped closer, towering over me. The elevator felt small as all I could feel was the heat radiating from his body, all I could do was accept him and let him take over. His brown eyes looked deeply into mine, and his hair fell so perfectly next to his cheeks, it looked insanely soft and I wished I could touch it. 

“You shouldn’t be” He added, as he stepped back and the elevator doors opened. He walked out onto the floor, which pointed straight to the studio. I breathed out after realizing I had held my breath the whole time, my heartbeat consuming the now cold air of the elevator. I felt fuzzy and out of it, almost as if Jake had possessed something from me that I would not be able to get back.

Chapter 2 : Studio

When we walked into the studio room, there was a huge soundboard ahead of us. A tall man sat in front of it on his phone. Elizabeth smiled and turned around to face Jake and I as we walked in, clapping softly as a sign of congratulation for finding the room. Now that I’ve experienced Elizabeth, I don’t feel as nervous around her, she seems so down to earth and ‘go with the flow’. 

“Wow, Liz, this is amazing” Jake said. He looked around to catch it all in. 

The room with the soundboard faced another room through a large window with a huge room full of instruments, microphones, piano and multiple guitars. There was a big brown couch that took over the whole back wall of the room. The walls were coated a beautiful burgundy red and the ceiling was black, there was a sign above the door to enter that said 'RECORDING’, it seemed to be able to light up when needed. I watched the boys as they spoke with each other, their eyes full of excitement warmed my heart as I thought of how hard it must’ve been for them to get to this moment. In the studio of a large building owned by a large company. The boy’s excitement took over the room soon as Elizabeth offered for them to try it out for the very first time. 

“I’ve been with them since the beginning.” Elizabeth told me as they entered the studio and set up their instruments. 

“They’re very lucky to have you” I smiled at her. Her eyes gave me a look of appreciation as we heard the sound of a guitar being tuned in the background. I felt excitement towards seeing how this band is about to perform.

I was taken aback once the loud sound of electric guitar took over the room, my eyes searched for the cause and they landed on Jake. His fingers danced so smoothly on the strings, his eyes closed as if he was picturing the chords in his head. He played flawlessly as if he had been playing since he was born. I stared in awe at his flawless technique. He had his mouth open, almost mouthing each chord he was playing. 

“Well, you’re so pretty and I love you so, You know I’m your biggest fan I saw your picture and it’s the best, The finest in the land" 

Josh sang with such a beautiful voice, I felt my heart flutter out of pure excitement, awe, and nervousness. I watched them all play and sing, but especially Jake. He was so into the song. He was… sexy and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him until the song was over. Elizabeth and I clapped loudly and cheered for them. I looked at the group and they were all smiling as if it was the first time they played in a studio. I was taken aback by Josh’s voice, not expecting him to be able to hit such high notes from how he talked normally.

"I cannot wait to see all the cool shit we’ll do in here!” Josh exclaimed loudly. 

- - - 

Once I got home after my first day, I decided to look up 'Greta Van Fleet’ to learn more about them. They were pretty well known, from Michigan, 3 brothers. That’s why they look so alike. My cursor made it’s way to 'members’ and clicked Jake. I wanted to know everything, or maybe just look at him some more. He was so… beautiful. In all the pictures of him playing his guitar, it was like a magical sight. I watched a couple videos, they showed the whole band but I was focused on Jake the whole time. His fingers dance so gracefully on the guitar strings as if he’s been doing it forever, the music moved through his body so mesmerizingly. Snapping back to reality, I wipe the drool off my face and shut my computer off. 

_ _ _ 

I walked into the office, it was late and everyone had gone home. I wanted to look over my notes on my work computer, granted by the company and make sure I was prepared for my day tomorrow. I had been scrolling through everything for a couple minutes now, so captivated by my notes that I hadn’t noticed someone behind me.

“Working late I see.” His voice was low, barely above a whisper. The office was so quiet, the only sound breaking the silence is our breaths.

“Oh.. Hi Jake. Um, yeah I wanted to be prepared for tomorrow.” I reply, my voice barely above a whisper too. Almost as if I was afraid that my voice would scare him away.

“Are you really busy?” He asks softly. The only light allowing me to make eye contact with him was coming from the computer- all the other lights were off.

“Not really.. just reviewing my notes.” I reply, giving him a soft smile. 

“I was going to the studio, I had a riff I wanted to practice and I’d love some feedback.” He responds, offering a soft smile in return. I agree to go with him. 

Jake sits on a stool in the middle of the room, I’m sat in the left corner, the door is behind me to my right. He’s about six feet away from me, and all I can do is watch how his hair falls so perfectly, how his eyelashes curl so beautifully. I watch him as he prepares himself to play- making sure the guitar is plugged in and positioned right. Right before pressing his fingers against the guitar strings, he looks up and makes eye contact; his brown orbs capturing my nervous aura. His eyes stare me down as if he’s tearing me apart, making me afraid to breathe out. 

And suddenly he plays flawlessly. I don’t know which song because I haven’t listened to their discography but it was powerful and beautiful. I close my eyes to feel the notes, they tickle my skin and I feel my heart beating faster- almost matching the beat. I can hear him strumming the strings, almost aggressively as he’s playing so… fast. Sadly, his riff ends and he stops, slowly, then looks up at me. 

“So, what do you think?” He asks, waiting for my answer as if he isn’t a guitar god. As if he hasn’t played in front of millions of people. As if my opinion mattered.

“C'mon don’t keep me waiting…” He adds, with a small smile on his lips. 

“Sorry. Jake,” I shake my head quickly- snapping out of it. “That was beautiful. You’re so talented. I’ve never seen someone play like that. It- It’s like the music is in you or something and it travels as you play I don’t know.” I add, embarrassingly rambling. 

He smiles, with his eyes glowing and sunshine beaming out of him. Almost like this was the first time someone ever complimented him. I know it wasn’t, but I felt so special in those few seconds. He sets the guitar down on the stand next to the stool and turns towards me, scooting a bit closer. Maybe about two or three feet away. He was so close, our knees almost touching. His eyes meeting mine as he tucks the hair on the right side of his face behind his ear. 

“There’s something about you, [y/n], I don’t know I can’t put my finger on it. You’re just… captivating.” He says softly. “I just want to know you, to know what goes on in that pretty mind of yours." 

I feel my cheeks burn. Everything burn. My heartbeat loudly beats through my ears, I feel stuck in time and unable to move. 

He scoots closer. Our knees are touching. My legs are closed as his knees wrap around me in a V shape, I am trapped in his enclosure and I don’t want to escape. I want him to trap me and never let me escape. 

"Thank- Thank you” I can barely speak above a whisper. All I smell is Jake. All I feel is Jake. All I want to feel is Jake. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He says softly, I wonder if he senses how nervous I am, how much I want him. His hand slowly reaches for my left hand, and holds it between his two hands. 

I can barely thank him; he stands up and pushes the stool back with his leg. I stand up in response, mirroring his behaviour. A slow, sinking feeling appears in my stomach.

'He wants to leave, so get out of his way.’ I think, and I move out of his way, backing up into the corner of the room, leaving some space for him to reach for the door. But all he does is meet me in the corner. He lets go of my hand and looks down at me. A small frown forms on his face. 

“You want to leave, pretty girl?” He whispers, I feel him all over me, the warmth of his body radiates onto mine. 

“No.. sorry.. I thought you wante-" 

His lips reach mine. They’re soft and warm, like coming home after a cold day outside and hot cocoa is on the table. He pulls back, but only for a slight moment. I don’t want to be anywhere else than here, in this moment, between him and this wall. He leans in again and his lips radiate so much passion I feel almost overwhelmed. His tongue travels its way to my bottom lip, almost asking for an entrance. He bites it softly, as if he wanted a taste. I let him. Fuck, I’d let him do anything right now. Our tongues battle for a couple seconds, then he pulls back suddenly- breathing out hard and fast. 

"Fuck, [y/n], I’m sorry. I needed to know. I-” He says quickly, but I cut him off. 

“You can find out anything you want right now.” I feel almost shocked at my straightforwardness. I was the girl that sat in the back of the classroom reading my books, no one ever noticed me like this before. Not until now. I wanted to feel everything, I wanted to take this opportunity.

Chapter 3 : Sweetness

“I- [y/n]. I don’t do this sort of thing. Not usually. It’s something about you. I.. want you. So bad. Ever since I first saw you. I feel this sort of.. magnetic pull- I just- need you.” He rambles. His cheeks turn red. 

“Then have me.” I reply, in complete shock at my words. His eyes glimmer in the dimmed lighting of the studio. I realize at this moment that we had not opened all the lights.

His eyes take me in, all over. I feel the magnetic pull too, I could never admit it to him. He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. 

He sits down, and pats his lap with a small smile as he looks up. I can’t help but check him out quickly. He has such a sexy physique, strong arms and thick thighs. I hesitate slightly but climb over him, straddling his lap. I sit back a bit, giving us a bit of distance, and he stares at me, so deep I feel him almost in my soul. His hand reaches my cheek and he pulls me in for a slow kiss. He’s an amazing kisser, he knows exactly what he’s doing. His other hand makes its way to the middle of my back, caressing it slowly. I want him so bad in this moment. I feel his thighs and how hard they are under me, almost as if he’s flexing them. I wonder if he’s as nervous as I am. 

“I- I like you, you know?” I whisper quickly between kisses. 

“I like you, sweetness.” He replies, pulling me back in. 

His hand that was on my cheek is now with his other hand on my back, he’s holding me so sweetly. It just makes me want him even more. I need him. And so I grab his hands, slowly, and bring them down to my ass. He wastes no time in grabbing and pulling me closer. He groans softly against my lips, which makes me want him so much more. I feel him under me, brushing against me. I feel my nipples harden and brush against the soft material of my shirt. His hands grab me so hard and it feels like I belong to him. Right now, I would do anything for him. I feel one of them make it’s way to my back again, this time under my shirt. I stick out my chest a bit, and he notices. 

“What does that mean?” He whispers, a small smirk planted on his lips. 

“I think you know.” I reply. His hand makes its way to my right breast. His finger dances around my nipple, teasing me and I whimper a bit. He notices and I feel him get harder under me, if that was even possible. Grabbing my breast, his thumb rubs my nipple and I moan slightly. He makes use of his other hand to pull my shirt up, exposing me as his mouth makes its way to my nipple. 

“Fuck, Jake, oh my god” I whimper quietly as his tongue swirls around my nipple. It feels so good, and I subconsciously, almost naturally, start rocking my hips back and forth on him. He moans into me, his cheeks red. I feel the warmth of his face against me. He’s so hard under me and my stomach is doing backflips at this point. Rocking back and forth harder now, he’s moaning softly. His head rests against the back of the couch, face fully exposed- as if he wants me to watch him like this. I watch his lips, his furrowed brows, his eyes shut tightly just allowing himself to feel everything. Taking in my body against his, my weight pressing down on his hard cock. His hands on my breasts, fingers rubbing my nipples so perfectly. I feel like I’m his guitar and he’s playing all the right notes. I stop him for a moment, and he looks up at me with a worried look. I give him a small smile as I back up and get on my knees in front of him, he spreads his legs so I have space. My fingers make their way to his belt, unbuckling it slowly. I rub my hand against his length through his pants. He’s looking down at me, his bottom lip between his teeth, the anticipation building up all over his body. I know he feels it because I do too. 

I slowly unzip his pants and he gets up slightly to pull his pants down- exposing his big length through his boxers. As I go to reach inside, he places his hand on top of mine. He gives me a sort of ‘are you sure?’ kind of look. I nod as I pull his dick out of his boxers. His breath hitches at the skin to skin contact. It feels warm and strong under my grasp. I stroke him for a couple of seconds, then rub my thumb against the tip of his pulsating cock. This drives him crazy. 

“Oh- Oh my- [y/n] please do that again, pretty please, princess.” He begs, as he looks down at me- his eyes pleading like a little puppy. His lip almost quivering as he begs for it. I do it again, but this time with my tongue. I imagine how it must feel for him, to have my mouth wrapped around his cock like this. I stroke him as I keep the tip in my mouth, twirling my tongue around it while driving him crazy. His moans only get louder and louder, as he approaches his breaking point.

“[y/n], baby, I- I’m going to-” He can barely get any words out, because I’m going faster and harder. I don’t care if he cums in my mouth I just want him so bad, so much. I’ll gladly swallow his load. And so he climaxes into my mouth, whilst making the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Better than the riff he played for me earlier. I swallow him instantly, sucking him dry, not wanting to miss a drop. He exhales so quick and hard, as if he just ran a marathon.

“We haven’t even had a full conversation and you just came in my mouth” I joke. He smiles, in between breaths. He looks down at me, still on my knees I gaze up at him. All he does is rub my cheek and then the back of my neck, leaning in to kiss my forehead.

“It’s your turn to come in my mouth.” He whispers against my forehead. My breath hitches at his comment.

“We’ll see about that.” I respond, quickly getting up. I don’t give him time to process. He starts to get up but by that time I’m out the door.

“[y/n] ! Wait!” He rushes out after me. I’m in the elevator as he reaches for me, holding the door open with his arm. I look at his bicep quickly, he’s flexing and it’s so incredibly sexy.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asks softly. I shake my head 'no’. “Then what’s wrong? Tell me, darling” He pleads. His arm is now at his side, as he stands in front of me, he reaches for my hand but the doors start to close.

“No one.. no one has ever touched me.” I respond, “I’ve never been touched until now.” I add, and the doors close.

Chapter 4 : Photoshoot

“Good morning, [y/n]!” Elizabeth beams as I step into her office. She had her hair down today, and she wore a big chunky cardigan which looked extremely soft. I greeted her in return and sat down at her desk with her. 

“So, today we’re gonna walk around with the boys for some pictures, I thought it’d be some good promo! I found the perfect spot for some really nice pictures” She smiles and clasps her hands together. 

“That’s a good idea! What would you like for me to do?” I ask, waiting to hear my tasks for the day. 

“Alright, so I know this isn’t your job technically, but I wanted to try something for funsies today. There’s this app called ‘TikTok’ where you basically take short videos and people can share them and react to them and stuff and I thought the fans would appreciate some content of the boys! We already set up the account and everything, you’d basically just have to take some videos of them” She smiles. 

“Oh! I love TikTok” I respond. “I’d love to do that! Sounds fun” I smile.

“Yes! I’m glad you’re familiar with the app! So we’re meeting the guys at the location later today, until then I can give you some paperwork and photocopies I’d need you to do?” She asks. I nod happily and do the work assigned to me. 

_ _ _ 

I step out of Elizabeth’s car and am greeted by a sign for a national park. It was beautiful, it reminded me of the Banff national park. There was a huge lake and a little dock for people to stand on. The park was empty, I figured Elizabeth got to reserve it for a couple hours. There was a girl there with a big camera in her hands, the strap around her neck, she waved at Elizabeth and walked over to greet us. 

“Hi Liz!” She said, smiling. Liz and the photographer chatted quietly as I took in the beauty of the park. I pulled out my phone to take a couple pictures. I then hear the sounds of tires rolling on gravel, I turn around and am met with a black jeep. Out comes the 4 boys were all here for. I look at Jake first. It had been a week since our last encounter. I hadn’t seen him since, only the rest of the band. He makes direct eye contact with me, not wasting any time with looking at the scenery behind me. He wore a black button down, unbuttoned until the middle of his chest. His skin looked so soft. He had dark grey pants and his dirty vans again. His hair loose yet held back by some sunglasses. His energy radiated onto me, he was so cool and I felt incredibly intimidated. He finally breaks the eye contact and takes in the view, I step away from his general direction and greet the band as a whole. I feel butterflies swarming my stomach as my mind races back to our last encounter. I shake my head quickly- hoping the thought makes it’s way out of my head for now.

“The newbie is here!” Josh exclaims. I nod awkwardly. “Ready to be thrown into the lake aren’t ya” He adds and Samuel laughs at his comment, the ice shaking in his iced coffee. 

“Josh I’m gonna start giving you the wrong time so you actually arrive on time. What’s your excuse this time?” Elizabeth looks at him, with a slight sound of annoyance. 

“Sorryyyyyy Liz we were hungry, Sammy needed his coffee” Josh apologizes, taking Elizabeth’s hands into his. She rolls her eyes playfully and forgives him, warning him not to be late again or she’ll 'shave his precious head’ as a consequence. 

“Alright guys so you know what’s about to go down today, were gonna take a little hike and get some nice shots! I’ve given [y/n] the task to film a TikTok for us today, so just be yourselves and enjoy the walk! I unfortunately have another meeting I need to attend. [y/n], Josh will bring you back to the office later, okay?” Elizabeth announces, and then heads to her car. 

We decide to take the easiest trail possible. The boys even asked the park security which is the easiest one to take. We get our pictures and I film the TikTok as requested by Elizabeth. I started to feel more comfortable around the band, I spoke mostly with Josh since he was the most communicative one. Jake hadn’t spoke to me at all today, I caught him looking at Josh and I couple times, but he’d look away as soon as I’d catch him. 

_ _ _

As we settle in the car, Josh asks everyone if they had their seatbelts on. I chuckle at his overprotectiveness and watch him start the car. He offered shotgun to me, so I could avoid “being in the back covered in the guys’ filth” as he said it. His car was surprisingly clean, I don’t know why but I expected him to be messy. Probably because his personality is very.. 'out there’.

“Hey Josh?” Jake finally speaks. I haven’t heard him all day.

“What do you want” Josh asks, over exaggerating his annoyance towards his twin. i giggle at his performance.

“I’d love to listen to the demo we recorded last night, I want to see if I can make any changes.” He says, explaining himself. My heart beats faster at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah sure.” Josh responds. He plugs his phone into the aux cord of the car, scrolling through his recordings.

“[y/n], Jake has been going crazy over this song, he wrote it in one night he says! Crazy guy” He says, looking over at me and then in his rearview mirror- to make eye contact with Jake. The car starts backing up as Josh begins to drive us back to the studio, which was about a forty minute drive. The song starts off with a bang, almost.. angry. I can hear Danny finger tapping his knees behind me, and I see Sam move his fingers to the beat of the song. I quickly look at Jake, and he’s looking at me with a look I can’t quite make out. Like he’s scanning me or waiting for something. The first part of the song is amazing, talking about a fiery-type of love, something about a woman being a hearts desire. My heart is pounding, thinking Jake wrote this. Did he write it for me? I feel my fingers shake at the thought.

Until we get to the chorus. 

“Lover, Leaver, Taker, Believer’

Each word makes my heart sink deeper and deeper, dragging it out nice and slow just hurting me more and more. My throat feels tight and my mouth feels dry. I feel the tears start to make their way to my eyes. I don’t bother listening to the rest of the lyrics, I just stare out the window until the song ends. Not letting Josh witness the tears coming out from the right side of my face. I wipe my tears- pretending I was just itchy.

"I think it’s turning out really good, don’t you think?” Jake asks. Josh hypes him up, and the band talks about the song some more until we arrive to the studio. I thank Josh for the ride back, trying my best to mask the hurt in my voice, and make my way quickly to my car. All I want right now is to cry and let it all out, let the pain that Jake has caused me out in the open. I think of the song he wrote about me, I think of the experience we shared. My vulnerability wasted, my first time; wasted. I gave him my all and he tainted it. I cry loudly in my hands, accidentally pressing my horn which causes a loud honk to come out of my car, alerting Josh and Jake, who were parked only a couple parking spots away from mine. Jake makes eye contact with me, but all I can do is back up and drive away.

Away from him.

Leaving him, once again.

Chapter 5 : Rehearsal

Today the boys were practicing their songs in the studio. I had not come back here since the last time, it felt odd standing in the room where I gave a piece of myself away. Regretfully, now. 

We all walked in as a group, not a word, or a look from Jake. Not since yesterday in the parking lot. It pains me to be in this room with him, I wonder if he was thinking about it too. 

“[y/n], here, you can sit on the couch while we play” Josh smiled at me, leading me to the couch. 

All I can think about is the couch and Jake’s thighs and his moans and his eyes and I feel like such a mess, trying not to cry as I feel like i’ve ruined it all. 

“Okay, thank you Josh” I say as I settle on the couch, sitting right in the spot where Jake had settled the last time we were in here. I see him look at me from my peripheral view, but I pretend to read something in my notebook. My heart hurts; I want to be alone with him again. Talk to him again. Do something else again… But the moments are slipped from my fingers from my own mistake. Ever since that night, I laid awake at night wishing I wouldn’t have left. The boys look over their songbook, picking which song to play. All I can do is watch Jake, and I think about when we were in this room together. He looked so soft today; in a dark brown shirt and black pants, a silver necklace hanging low to the middle of his chest. 

“Fuck. We’re missing a couple papers and I think I forgot them in Elizabeth’s office. Do any of you happen to have a key?” Josh starts to panic. “I really wanted to practice this one song” he adds, running his hand through his curls. 

“I do! Do you know where they are?” I tell him. The worry from his eyes escapes instantly and a smile of relief forms on his mouth. 

“Jake was with me when I was showing her the lyrics, go with her” Josh says, then looks at his brother. He nods and looks at the floor, waiting for me to get up and head to Elizabeth’s office. 

I unlock the door and walk in, Jake following slowly after me. He goes to her desk and looks through her documents. As he looks around, I turn to her wall- full of pictures of her with famous artists. She’s so successful and in that moment I feel so lucky to be working under her. I always wanted a career in music- well, managing artists and helping them with their careers. 

“You didn’t like my song.” I hear from behind me. I pause, frozen in time. He’s speaking to me once again, I must be worthy of his attention then. I don’t respond, or look at him. I hear him step closer to me. 

“I wanted you, [y/n], I wish you would’ve stayed” He says, softly. 

“I don’t think that’s true, Jake. I’m just there. You can have anyone you want” I respond, still not looking at him. Tears well in my eyes and I try not to cry in front of him. My heart feels torn in two. I barely know him and he’s affected me so much already. 

“I don’t want anyone. I want you” He responds. 

“You want an idea of me. You don’t know me.” I say, a tear makes its way down the right side of my face. 

“You hurt me, Jake. I gave you a piece of myself I’ll never get back.” I add. 

“I- I know. Fuck-” He starts.

“I barely know you, I don’t know your favourite colour, or season, or if you like going on walks on the beach- whatever a relationship is supposed to start like. I’ve never been with anyone, I can’t say the same for you.” I respond, cutting him off. Shocked at the courage it took me to let that out. I turn to him after saying this, and he’s looking at me with such a soft look. All I want is to hug him and be contaminated with his scent all over, his hands all over. 

‘Burgundy. Fall. Yes I do. Meet me here at midnight" He says, grabbing the few sheets of paper that Josh had requested, and he exits the office not bothering to look back at me. 

I stand there in shock for a couple of seconds. 'Meet me here at midnight’ lingers around the room as the silence takes over the fading sound of his footsteps and the elevator 'ding’. I run quickly to catch it with him, but he was holding the door open for me. 

The elevator doors close slowly, but I don’t waste time to turn towards him, his back against the elevator wall. His hair looked so soft and touchable- just like him. Suddenly, and I don’t know what takes over me, I’m wrapping my arms around him. He wraps his arms around me and holds on tight. My face is deep into his chest and all I feel is Jake. All over. I close my eyes and listen to his heartbeat as it beats quickly against my face, I smell his cologne and he smells so good and so sexy, like vanilla mixed with a masculine scent. Soft. The doors open and we’re back at the studio. Acting like nothing has happened. I sit back on the couch with my notebook and give him a small smile, which he reciprocates. 

_ _ _

I check my phone, 11:56pm. I was at my desk, waiting for him on my phone. I had time after rehearsal to go back home, shower, get ready, change my outfit into something comfier, a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Then come back to the building. I get a text from an unknown number. 

# : Studio?

I can only assume it’s him. I walk quickly over to the elevator and press the button for the studio. Once I walk into the room, Jake is sat on the couch. He offers me a small smile as I close the door behind me and walk over to him. 

“You came” he smiles. He pats the spot next to him, I sit. He rubs my back and looks deep into my eyes. 

“I want to try something, please, is that alright?” He asks softly. I hesitate a bit but nod. He smiles softly and lays down on the couch, behind me. His hand on my shoulder pushes me only slightly, indicating that he wants me to lay down next to him, well, in front of him. My back is facing his stomach and he wraps his arm around me. He holds me tight and pulls me closer to him. I feel his stomach against my back, he’s so warm. 

“[y/n], I’m so sorry for hurting you.” He caresses my side with his hand, drawing little circles with his fingers. I feel him breathing in and out, his warm breath on my neck. I turn around so I’m facing him. He holds his head up with his arm, and so I’m looking up at him. He looks so soft. Too soft. My heart forgave him but my head was hesitant. 

“I want to make you feel better, I feel so bad. It wasn’t my intention and I hadn’t thought about it from your point of view. I didn’t know it was.. your first time.. I was such a dick, will you please forgive me, darling?” He says so softly, and I just want to cry in arms, but I don’t. All I can do is nod. Even though a tear or two manages to escape. 

“Can I make you feel better, baby? Please.” He asks. I nod again with a soft smile, looking up at him. At this moment, I forget about everything that has happened between us. All there is right now is us, and him in front of me- wanting to help me. His kind eyes pull me in. With his free hand, which was placed on my hip, he pulls in my face for a kiss. His lips are soft and I already feel better. He kisses me so sweetly and his other arm makes it’s way to the back of my head. He massages the back of my neck as he pulls me in closer, our chests touching. We kiss for about two minutes until we finally pull back, catching our breaths. I smile up at him and he reciprocates it. 

“I’d love to start over, do this right. I.. wrote another song. I want to play it for you tomorrow with the boys. Will you listen to it please? I’ll be playing just for you.” He says. 

“Okay.” I respond. He gives me a big, happy smile. My face is warm like the sun shining on a mid-summer morning. 

_ _ _

“Oh my god- sorry, did I fall asleep?” I say, checking the time on my phone. 4:26am. 

“Only for about ten minutes” Jake smiles. 

“Oops, sorry, you weren’t being boring or anything- I don’t usually stay up this late” My hand makes it’s way to my face, covering up my embarrassment. Jake and I had been talking for hours. We laid on the floor when the couch got uncomfortable and just talked- not even kissed. He told me stories about his brothers and how it was growing up with them. He told me he often felt like an outsider and playing the guitar helped him get 'out there’. He told me the story of 'Greta Van Fleet’, and how they got recognized. I had been listening to him for hours, without complaint. I’m obsessed with his voice. It was like he felt comfortable with me, and I felt comfortable with him too. 

“[y/n]… I had a question I have been dying to ask you, but if you don’t want to answer, that’s okay.” he says softly. I nod and wait for his question. 

“So.. you said you’d never been with anyone before.. then how- how were you so good?” He chuckled nervously. 

“Oh- I spent a lot of my high school years reading.. all sorts of stuff. I thought I’d try it out- I dunno. I just took a chance” I respond to him, he nods slowly as I explain and smiles after I’m done speaking. 

“Well,” He tucks my hair behind my left ear. “You really knew what you were doing.” He giggles, turning back to face the ceiling. I do the same. 

“I was scared you were never going to talk to me again- when I left. I felt embarrassed or like if I was too forward.” I confess. I hear him gasp softly. He turns his head to me and I, him. 

“When you left, I came back here and laid down on the couch for a couple hours just thinking about it over and over again.” He says, his cheeks turn red immediately.

“Really?” I ask. I sit up and look down at him, wanting to see his face. I missed his brown eyes even though he’s been next to me this whole time. 

“Yeah, you took something from me too, you know? And I’m sorry for saying it like this but uhm.. ever since then it hasn’t felt the same.” By the time he finishes his sentence, he’s sitting up too while facing me. I feel my pulse begin to beat faster. Shocked by his words. My skin tingles at the thoughts rapidly going through my head. 

“I..” I begin… building up the courage. He looks so beautiful in front of me. Even though we’ve spent the whole night talking and he has bags under his eyes, he’s never looked more beautiful. More.. real. And my fingertips shake at the thought of touching him again- feeling his warm skin under my touch. 

“I’ve missed it too” I reply. Knowing that’s what he had initiated. His face turns bright red as I bring out the elephant in the room. He smiles, flushed, and looks down. I can see that he’s hard and I want to help him, to feel him.

“Hey Jake?” He looks up at me, a slight glimmer in his eye as he awaits for the rest of my sentence. I look down at his hard-on and he sees me do so.

“I can fix that” I finally say.

Chapter 6 : Taste

“Fuck- [y/n] oh my god” Jake sputters, standing up immediately after I finish my sentence.

“Do you want me to?” I ask. Standing up and approaching him, he looks so flushed, red and cute. At this point, he’s resting his back against the wall, looking down at me as I meet him there. I look up at him, and he looks so beautiful. 

“Do you want me to make you feel better?” I ask softly, right before meeting his lips. We kiss passionately, our bodies touching. My hands reach the back of his neck and I pull on his hair slightly- he gasps. Rocking his hips against me, I feel his hard on against my stomach. 

“Ye- Yes please” He pleads, mid-kiss. But all he does is kiss me harder, whilst pulling me closer to him if that was even possible. He spins me around so my back is against the wall, pinning me and trapping me under him. His hands make their way under my shirt and I let him touch me anywhere. He grabs my breasts under my sweatshirt. Conveniently, I was not wearing a bra; again. He whimpers as he feels me not wearing a bra, slipping his tongue in my mouth. Our tongues interlock and play with each other, as he rubs my nipples with his soft hands. 

“No bra, huh? You wanted me to touch you, huh?” He whispers, dragging his lips against my neck, then kissing it softly. I manage to let out a ‘yes’ but his lips take over all the possible thoughts in my head. I close my eyes and just let him possess me, allowing myself to feel the shape of his lips on my neck, to feel his soft hands on my breasts. 

“Jake” I whisper. He stops and backs off, just enough to be able to look at me. “Will you touch me?” I ask right before my throat feels extremely dry, and I start feeling like I can’t breathe. 

He smiles, big, and nods. His hair covers the front of his face and he flips his hair back, moving it out of the way. I look at him and his sexy neck, wanting a turn to kiss it, but I don’t. I let his hands make their way down to my hips. I close my eyes again, just wanting to focus on him and his touch. He grabs them slightly, as if he was claiming me to be his. He is mine and I, his. He makes his way down to the top of my sweatpants. I feel him make his way back to my face, kissing my cheek. 

“You can open your eyes, just look at me, okay?” He asks, and I listen. 

I feel hypnotized by him, I would do anything for him right now. I open my eyes and look at him, he smiles. I feel his fingers at the waistband of my sweatpants. His fingers make their way inside, and they stop at the hem of my underwear. His eyes ask me if it’s okay, if I feel okay- I do. He takes a deep breath in, which makes me feel like he was doing so for me to do the same, and I do. His hand makes its way into my underwear, and down to my area, which is extremely aroused right now. He leans in and kisses me, as I feel his fingers slip in my slit. His breath hitches against my mouth as he feels how wet I am for him.

“Fuuuuck.” He whispers. “You’re soaked” He says. I smile, embarrassed. He notices and kisses me a bunch on the cheek, making his way to my neck. I feel his fingers start doing slow circles around my clit. He knows where it is right away. I wrap my hands around his arm, he’s flexing again. It just makes me wetter, and I think he notices. He plays me so perfectly, he knows exactly what he’s doing. I watch him play with me, and without noticing, I accidentally stare at his hard on in front of me. I think he catches me staring because he starts rubbing me faster.

“J-Jake fuck i-its so good” I whimper, he’s kissing my neck, almost sucking on it. I pull my sweatpants down, and end up taking them off. He smiles at my response. I reach for him, his dick, and rub it over his pants. 

“No, baby, this is about you right now. Can I try something, please?” He asks, I nod quickly. I want everything, I am nothing but his right now. He takes my hand and leads me to the couch, sits me down and rubs my back. 

“Get comfortable, rest your pretty back on the couch” He says so sweetly and I do as he says. He gets on his knees in front of me, whilst pulling off my underwear in one swift motion. It was so sexy. He gets on his knees in front of me. His face close to my aroused area. His brown hair hangs next to his cheeks and my heart flutters as it starts to gently rub against my thigh, he’s kissing my thigh and I don’t think I can get any wetter.

“Spread your legs. I want to look at you.” He says in between kisses. I spread my legs slowly, scared, nervous. He brings his hand to my pussy, rubbing my clit with his thumb as he gets up to give me the softest kiss possible. He feels so good against me, rubbing his finger against the most sensitive part of me. The kiss ends and he makes his way back down, pulling his hand back, then approaching my cunt with his mouth. In one swift motion, he licks from the bottom to the top, and I gasp loudly. I can’t help myself from containing my moans as he’s repeating the action over and over again, then brings his tongue to my clit and circles around it. I thrust towards him and his mouth, he moans in response. It is impossible to hide how much I need him. 

“You taste so good” He says, taking a small break to catch his breath. I can barely thank him as he gets right back into it, devouring me and rubbing my clit with his tongue. He brings one of his hands up to grab my breast, I put my hand over his- so he knows how much I like it. I look down and he makes direct eye contact with me- his brown eyes locked in mine. I bring my other hand to his hair, interlocking my fingers with his brown locks as I push him down on me, wanting him even more. He catches me by surprise; slipping his tongue inside me. 

“Oh- Jake-” I moan, and I can’t keep quiet. His tongue is so warm, he thrusts it in and out of me. I want him so bad, wanting him deeper inside of me. The constant thrusting just brings my climax closer and closer. 

“I- I'msoclose” I whimper, rocking my hips into his face, he keeps up the pace and twists my nipple with his hand. He pulls out his tongue and licks my clit, and this brings me over the edge. I climax loudly with his mouth still on me. He keeps licking me, waves of pleasure take over my body, again and again. He lets me ride out my orgasm before pulling away. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand then gets up to kiss me. I kiss him hard- as if I was thanking him. He smiles and kisses back with the same amount of passion. 

I get up, pull my pants back up, standing with him in front of the couch and bring my hands up and drag them along his chest; feeling him against my fingertips is something I didn’t know I was craving, but fuck it was so incredibly sexy. My fingers reach the waistband of his pants. I pull away from him, ending the kiss, and drop to my knees, then look up at him with my fingers inside the waistband. He’s watching me, whilst giving a small nod. I pull down his pants and boxers, surprisingly in one swift motion; I’m met with his gorgeous cock. He’s so hard, maybe even harder than last time. Looking up at him, I can see his stomach from under his shirt and it drives me over the edge. I wrap my lips around the tip of his length, then slowly start bobbing my head, taking him in all the way to the back of my throat. Taking advantage of my non-existent gag reflex, I suck his cock deep and fast, letting his length take over the entirety of my mouth.

“[y/n] fuck, you’re so good. You make me feel so good” He moans softly, and it sounds so beautiful. I lick the length of his cock like I was hungry and hadn’t eaten for days. Cock deprived, I want him, I need him to come in my mouth. 

“Baby, can I” He starts. I stop and look up at him. “I want to fuck your mouth” He says, smiling sheepishly at his request, I open my mouth wide, letting my tongue out and awaiting his dick. 

“Fuuuck. That’s my good girl” He whispers. He takes one of his hands and caresses my head, interlocking his hand in my hair for a brief moment, before grabbing his cock. I watch him, the veins in his arm popping out. He lines up his cock to the beginning of my tongue, and slides it in slowly.

“Fuck” He whimpers. He places his hand on the back of my head while picking up the pace, fucking my mouth so gracefully. His biceps flexing as his head is thrown back, he’s towering over me and I feel like this is where I belong. Under him with his cock in my mouth. He’s fucking me faster now, his cock hitting the back of my throat repeatedly. He looks down again, only for a second, to watch me take him entirely down my throat. I think of something I had read before and I start humming on his dick; experimenting something new to see if he’d like it.

And oh he does. He moans loudly- throwing his head back. I hum louder on his cock, loving the reaction it got me. He’s thrusting quickly into my mouth, and I feel the urge to grab his ass but don’t- thinking maybe he wouldn’t be comfortable with that. 

“You’re so good. I’m close- I’m so close” He moans, but he can barely get it out. I take action by grabbing his balls and massaging them, as he fucks my mouth. He thrusts into my mouth for another couple of seconds before blowing his load in the back of my throat, keeping his cock there as I swallow it all. I stop humming so he’s not overstimulated; and he pulls out, breathing loudly. He backs up from me and I stand up, meeting his eyes. 

“Did you like it, Jakey?” I ask him, he’s pulling his pants back up. He gasps quietly at my question, then quickly meets my eyes with his. 

“Yes, so much. I don’t know what you did, but wow I- I have never felt something like that before” He smiles. Before I can respond, we both hear the sound of the elevator doors opening and someone walking out. He looks at me like a deer in headlights.

“Lets get out of here” He says quickly, whispering in my ear. I nod and we leave before we’re caught.

Chapter 7: Coffee

{Jake} My hands held the wheel tightly, as I was trying my best to focus on the road. How the hell am I supposed to focus when she’s next to me? Or act as if nothing happened. I push away the thought of her lips wrap- no. Jake. Focus. If I crash this car, it’ll never happen again and I can’t have that. I made the decision to get coffee with her. She listened to me all night long without complaint- I would’ve told myself to shut the hell up, but the way she looks at me makes me feel like I can tell her everything. I’ve never had that sort of connection with someone. She’s special, rare. 

I pull up to the upcoming light, it’s red. I take the few seconds I have of freedom to look over at her, she’s asleep. I feel my heart tighten at the cutest sight I think I’ve ever seen. She’s curled up on the seat, her head against the side of the carseat. I just want to hold her. A smile makes it’s way to my lips as I feel my stomach flutter, and my skin tingle. As I reach over to tuck the strand of hair that’s covering her face, the car behind me honks to alert me of the green light in front of me. I curse at myself and step on the gas. _ _ _

“[y/n], we’re here.” I say, softly, not wanting to startle her. I press my hand on her shoulder and shake her slightly. I chose to take her to my favourite coffee place. It was family-owned and about half an hour out of the city. I always come here when I want some peace and quiet, do some lyric writing or when I need a break from my brothers. The restaurant looked vintage, due to being a family owned little place, it’s been passed down for years. It resembled a little cabin and I loved it. [y/n] opens her eyes slowly and makes a little ‘mh’ noise as she wakes up. I smile at her as she rubs her eyes. 

“I fell asleep again, didn’t I?” She smiles. My heart flutters again, which makes me realize that she puts that effect on me very often. 

“You did. It’s okay. Are you thirsty? I thought maybe coffee would help.” I reply, turning off the car and unbuckle my seatbelt, turning my body towards her. She nods at the thought of coffee. She also unbuckles her seatbelt and opens the car door. I copy her and we walk in together. We sit down at a booth in the back, the sunrise letting some light in. She grabs her coffee with her two hands to warm them up and looks up at me. 

“What did you get?” I smile at her and she takes a sip. 

“A chai latte” She responds, placing her cup up to my face so I can smell it. “You wanna taste?” She asks, her eyes awaiting a response out of me. My heart flutters. I take the coffee cup and take a sip. It was overly sweet, way too sweet for me, but I smile and tell her it’s good anyway. 

“[y/n], tell me something about you, you’ve listened to me all night.” I ask, she takes another sip and looks down at the table, tracing her fingers against one of the scratches on the old wood. 

“Well, what do you want to know?” She asks, moving her cup around in a circular motion to stir her coffee. 

“Something, anything, a fun fact?” I chuckle. I watch her as she thinks about an answer. [y/n]’s presence makes such a positive influence in the energy of a room, and I wish I could spend all my time with her. 

“Hmmm” She pauses. “Well, sometimes I like to sing” Her cheeks get all red and I die a little inside. My stomach fills with butterflies at the thought of what her voice sounds like.

“You do, huh? Will you sing for me?” I ask, placing my hands under my chin, giving her my best puppy-eyes. 

“Hey, I’ll gladly suck your dick but singing is a whole different type of intimacy.” She responds and I choke on my coffee. I burst out laughing at her comment, trying to keep quiet which just makes it harder. She giggles at my reaction and all I want to do is pin her against the wall and- No. Get a grip. We both finish our coffees and I drive her back to the studio, where she had parked her car. We agreed to meet back later tonight so I could show her the new song I wrote for her. I figured she could use the rest. 

_ _ _

I enter my key into the lock and twist it, opening the door to be met with Josh and Sam at the dinner table, they’re eating pasta. 

“Jake! Where have you been?” Sam exclaims, giving me a small smile. Josh is wearing his usual relaxing attire, grey sweatpants and a loose white tee. He’s scarfing down his pasta, as if I didn’t walk into the room. 

“I’ve just been out, pasta for dinner again? Is it the recipe I like?” I ask Sam and he nods, taking another bite. Sam’s hair is in a bun, like it always is when he cooks, and he wore some black shorts and a grey hoodie. It was loose on him. I go to the stove and grab myself a bowl of pasta, then sit down with them at the table. 

“So, that new intern, she’s pretty hot” Josh starts. I feel my stomach tighten and my hunger diminish, even though I just placed a big spoonful of pasta in my mouth. Heat makes its way to my cheeks as I wait for him to add to his point, but all he does is take another big bite, adding a long pause to his sentence. 

“I was thinking of shooting my shot, I feel like she’s easy” He speaks while chewing, finishing his bite. Fuck no. Fuck off. 

“What makes you say that?” I ask, clearing my throat trying to move the anger out of my sentence. I don’t want to appear suspicious, he knows me too well. 

“Do you see the way she looks at me? She obviously wants me.” He says, mixing his pasta with his spoon as he looks down at his food. 

“No she doesn’t. Just leave her alone, Josh.” I reply. Sam watches both of us, turning his head at each reply while chewing quietly. 

“Awh, does Jakey have a little crush?” He says in a baby voice. I want to push him at this moment but I hold back, gripping my spoon tighter. I’m no longer hungry- just full of anger. 

“No, shut up. Just leave her alone, Josh.“ I reply, getting up and turning away from him to put my pasta away- keeping it for tomorrow. “You know what, I’ll shoot my shot and let you know how it goes.” He responds. I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise and my fists clench. I want to scream at him, tell him to stay away, but I don’t. He always gets what he wants- not this time. I won’t let him.

“I’m asking her out after rehearsal later.” Josh tells Sam. I turn my head back to him and Sam looks at me, then back at Josh.

“You always fucking do this! Remember the last intern?” I spit out at him. Josh scoffs and rolls his eyes. I place my leftovers in the fridge and head to my room, closing the door loudly. I’m so annoyed by him, sometimes I wonder how we’re related. I want to hide her away from him, keep her safe, and I can’t. I don’t want to tell her what happened. The thought of her hating me causes a painful sharp feeling in my chest, and I suddenly remember her crying in the car because of me which brings out tears to my eyes. A knock to my door interrupts more tears from coming out. 

“Yeah?” I call out. 

“it’s Sam, can I come in?” A weight feels lifted off my shoulders, the thought of arguing with Josh was not in my plans for tonight. I tell him to come in and I sit down on my bed. He opens the door softly and offers me a soft smile, as he comes closer and sits down on the bed with me. 

“Something happened.” He pauses. I look up at him, biting the skin inside of my cheek. “What happened, Jake?” He asks, and he asks so softly that I can’t help myself but tell him the truth about my feelings for her. He listens attentively, nodding his head slowly. His hair was out of the bun now, he must’ve finished eating. 

“I know that with the last intern, things were rough for you after a while.” He says. I look down at my hands, fidgeting with my bracelets. “I know he hurt you, they both did.” He adds. He places his hand on my shoulder, and squeezes it a bit. 

“You know I’m here for you.” I smile at him, wiping the tear from my cheek. “Now, come on, we’ll be late.” He adds. We both get up and leave, taking my car. _ _ _

We press the button for the studio and the elevator takes us up. Josh was speaking with Sam and Daniel and I stood in the corner away from them, thinking of [y/n] and what she’ll say to Josh when he 'shoots his shot’. I sigh at the thought, my heart beating quickly at the thought of seeing her again. We walk out and there she is, with Elizabeth. They’re sat in the recording room with the sound booth worker. [y/n] always looked beautiful, but today she was even more beautiful. She had her hair down, bangs tucked away with the help of cute little white clips, a white shirt tucked into some light wash blue jeans, and a couple silver necklaces around her neck. I feel bad for looking but she’s wearing a bra this time. They chatted quietly until Josh made his loud introduction. 

“There are my two favourite gals!” He exclaimed loudly and I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes. Sometimes he was so obnoxious and I just needed time away from him. I ignore Josh and look straight at [y/n], who was looking at me. I mouth 'hey’ to her and she smiles, redness filling her cheeks. She looks at the studio through the big window and then back at me, biting her bottom lip. Fuck, she drives me crazy. All I’m reminded of in that moment is tasting her on that couch, feeling her under me, her lips around my- 

“So! New song, Jake?” Elizabeth turns the conversation to me. I nod and bring my attention to her. She says something like 'lets hear it!’ and the band enters the recording room. [y/n] and Liz are sat in the other room, watching us from the window. I pull out my notes and flip to 'Flower Power’, then place my guitar strap over myself and look over at the band, they nod quickly and we begin to play the song. I look at [y/n] for her reaction, she’s smiling at me and I smile back, looking down at my guitar. I play the soft acoustic of the intro, and Josh begins to sing. 

'She is a lady, comes from all around

She’s many places, but she’s homeward bound

And now she walks kinda funny I think she knows

Day by day by day

Our love grows' 

I’m playing just for her. She has her hands interlocked in front of her chest as she smiles big, occasionally wiping a tear or two out of her eyes. I hope she understands how I feel about her. Ever since she’s made her way into my life, she’s the reason I wake up in the morning. My fingers press against the strings and all I’m thinking about is wanting to touch her with those very same fingers. To hold her the way I’m holding this guitar. I keep my eyes on her until the song ends. She gives me a little heart with her fingers after the song ends. 

'Did you like it?’ I mouth to her. She nods. We play a couple more songs, and we finish recording for the night. As we step out of the recording area, we meet with Elizabeth in her office as she requested. She was already waiting for us there but [y/n] had decided to stay until we finished. 

“Hey, [y/n]!” As I go to tap her shoulder, Josh walks in front of me. They were both walking in front of me.

“Did you like the songs?” He asks. I watch as she nods and compliments his voice. I feel heat make its way to my cheeks as I want to rip Josh away from her. He asks if she had a favourite and she tells him how she loved the first one and I smile to myself. As we make our way to the elevator, Sam grabs Josh’s arm.

“Sorry Josh I think I forgot my keys, could you go get them for me please?” He asks, giving me a quick glance. Josh agrees, mumbling something like 'lazy-ass’ and makes his way back to the Studio. 

“Go ahead, we’ll meet you there!” Sam smiles at me, and waves at [y/n]. I thank him with a look and we enter the elevator, just the two of us. He stops Daniel from entering with his whole arm, and tells him they’ll catch the next one.

The elevator doors close in front of us and I turn to [y/n]. She smiles up at me as she steps closer; wrapping her arms around my neck. I bite my bottom lip, unable to take my eyes off her. She leans in and kisses me, hard, and I wrap my arms around her back, lifting her up so her back is against the elevator wall. My hands make their way down to her ass to support her as we keep kissing. She has the softest lips I have ever felt and I’m addicted to them. I’m addicted to her. 

“The song” I say in between kisses.

“It was the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard” She finishes the sentence. I smile and the elevator doors open. We detach ourselves from each other, though clearly not wanting to, and exit the elevator. Before we make our way to Liz’ office, I pull her aside. 

“[y/n], Josh is gonna ask you out after this” I pause. “I just wanted to let you know.” I say barely over a whisper, and my heart hurts. She nods and thanks me for telling her. We walk into the office and sit down on Liz’ couch. I do my best to contain my sadness, afraid she will go with him. Afraid he’ll steal her away. I can’t lose her. _ _ _

Our meeting ends, she just wanted to clarify some information and answer our questions about the upcoming tour. Sam and Daniel stayed with her since they had more questions. Josh, [y/n], and I exit the door that leads to the parking lot. I watch Josh as he makes his way to her. He places his arm around her shoulder. 

“[y/n], come get a drink with me. I know you want to” He smiles at her, she smiles back. 

“Maybe some other time.” she replies. 

“Oh come onnnn! I bet you have nothing planned tonight, its Friday! Let’s do some drinking” He pushes. I walk up to my car, holding the handle; waiting to see what will happen. If he’s going to steal her away.

“Sorry Joshua, I already have plans” She replies, taking his arm off her shoulders. He corners her against the wall of the building. 

“C'mon darling, just one drink” I watch as he leans down to kiss her. Before I can stop myself, I’m running towards them- quickly pushing him off. 

“She’s fucking busy! Get the fuck off of her!” I yell at him, watching as he stumbles back. I already feel the guilt settling in, feeling bad for [y/n] who has to see me like this. 

“Fuck! Jake! She doesn’t want you! Just give up!” He yells back. My throat feels dry and my heart shatters in two. I look back at her and she’s watching us in shock. 

“{y/n], lets rain check. Sorry you had to see how aggressive Jake can be.” He scoffs, and walks towards his jeep. All I can do is stand there, covered in guilt with the sharp pains of sadness, embarrassment, and loss consuming my body. I watch Josh pull out of the parking lot and leave. [y/n] steps closer to me and wraps her arms around me, hugging me from the back. I place my hands on hers and let her hold me. 

“Take me somewhere, anywhere Jakey. I’m with you. Only you” She whispers against my back. A tear rolls down the side of my face as I squeeze her hands. 

“Okay” I respond, turning to her and giving her a soft kiss. She’s mine.

Chapter 8: Home

Jake and I settle in my car. He’s being quiet and I’m covered in worry. I never expected to see them fight like that, and I know brothers fight but this feels different. We sit in silence, until I start the car and pass my unlocked phone to him.

“Pick a song out of my library, any one, and I’ll sing it for you” I say to him. He takes my phone, his fingers brushing over mine, and scrolls through the hundreds of songs.

“[y/n].. oh god. Your music taste” he laughs. I’m just glad to see him smile again, and if mocking my amazing music taste cheers him up then so be it. I shift to drive and he finally picks a song. The intro to ‘Next to Me’ by Imagine Dragons start to play. I look over to him in disbelief.

“You like them?” I ask. He nods, smiling shyly. I tell him that I love their music, and then start singing loudly for him. He listens quietly as I drive towards my apartment. It was dark out and I tried my best to focus on the road but also do my best possible singing under these circumstances. As we stop at the red light, I look over to him and bring my arm out as I loudly sing 'Still you want meeeee’. Jake giggles at my singing and I start laughing. I turn the music down a little using the button on my steering wheel and drive off.

“I have to say” I pause, looking over at him as we’re stopped at another red light. “I really did not take you as an Imagine Dragons fan, you’re like, a guitar god.” I finish. He laughs at my comment and rolls his eyes sarcastically.

“They’re good” He answers, fidgeting with his fingers. “I like a couple of their songs.” He adds, and looks out of the window.

_ _ _

I unlock the door to my small apartment and let him in first. It was a studio so there wasn’t much of a tour to do. The first thing that greets you when walking into my apartment is the little kitchen to the right. My bed was in the left corner of the room, facing the window. I had fairy lights hanging over the bed and my small desk area which was in the right corner of the room. My computer was the only thing on my desk. In front of my desk was a little table with only two chairs, there was a small fake plant in the middle of it.

“This is where the magic happens!” I say, sarcastically, extending my arms out and giving jazz fingers. Jake smiles and looks around, walking around the small room. I close the front door and lock it, then take my shoes off and place them on the little mat next to my front door. Jake does the same and I thank him quietly. I walk up to my bed and sit down, leaning my back against the wall. Jake stares at me and I pat my leg, inviting him to come lay his head down; he does. I stroke his hair as he relaxes into me. His eyes are closed as I play with his soft brown locks. With my other hand, I draw circles and little shapes with my fingertips on his back.

'Does he always talk to you like that?“ I massage his scalp with my hand, he sighs. "You can talk to me” I add.

“Not always, I think- I think he’s just used to getting what he wants, or sharing- I guess.” He replies. I feel my heart hurt at the sight of him like this.

“Well I don’t want to be shared.” I reply. He turns himself on his back, facing up at me.

“You mean that?” He asks softly. I nod and smile at him. He sits up and sits on my bed, his body turned towards me. He gets closer and I lay on my back, my head on my pillow- he crawls over me slowly. His hair draped over his face, his button down loose- exposing his whole torso. He’s so sexy and I want him. He bites his lip, his face only a couple inches from mine. I feel his warm breath on my face, and I get full body shivers. My skin tingles as his body weight crushes me in a good way. His face gets closer to mine, our foreheads touching.

“Will you be mine, [y/n]?” He asks softly. My stomach is full of butterflies, and my tongue feels dry. My fingers shake as I trace the muscles on his back, making eye contact with his beautiful brown eyes. He backs up his face a little, only to really look at me. To watch me answer the question he already knows the outcome of.

“Yes, Jake. I’m yours.” I finally answer. He doesn’t waste a second to pull my body closer to his, my legs wrapping around him. All I can feel is his chest against mine, his lips on my neck kissing it repeatedly, his hands wrapped around me, the soft bed against my back.

“You’re mine.” He repeats, kissing my neck over and over again, making his way down slowly. He gets up on his knees for a second, so I can pull my shirt off, exposing my black lace bra. He comes right back down, kissing my chest, untying my bra with one hand, taking it off with the other. He attaches his soft lips to my breast, licking my nipple in the softest and sexiest way possible- looking up at me and making direct eye contact. I watch as his tongue flicks my nipple in his mouth and I’m so wet for him.

“I’m yours.” I repeat, moaning softly, playing with his hair. I feel one of his hands make their way down to the button of my jeans. He stops licking me and backs up a little, coming up to my face.

“Can I taste you, my pretty girl?” He asks. My heart flutters as I shake my head 'yes’. He unbuttons then unzips my jeans, pulling them off softly. He gets off the bed to place my jeans on the floor. I’m remaining on the bed with my black panties. He pauses before coming back to me, examining me on the bed.

“You are such a beautiful, ethereal being; I’m almost afraid to break you.” He says softly, climbing over me slowly. My breath hitches at the sight of my underwear between his teeth, pulling it down slowly. I’m so wet for him, he affects me in the best way possible. I lift my feet as he pulls them off, throwing them on the floor and meeting me back on the bed, his lips on mine. I moan against his lips as his fingers caress my inner thigh. I feel his necklace rub against my bare chest and my nipples harden at the arousal of the coldness on my skin. I slip my tongue in his mouth and he grunts in response, kissing me harder. His fingers rub my clit softly but quickly, taking over all other sensation in my body.

He pulls away and plants soft kisses down my chin, down my chest, all the way down to my arousal. I feel his breath against my skin, and my heart flutters at the thought of him touching me. He licks slowly from the bottom to the top, making me flinch in a good way. I make eye contact with him as he devours me, tasting me inside out.

“Jesus- Jake. You’re so good” I whimper, he grunts softly as he licks me harder, his hands grab my thighs and squeeze them a little, it feels so good. I feel like I belong to him, and I don’t want it to change. I think of him ‘protecting’ me earlier, his raspy angry voice turns me on so much. Jake backs off for a second and looks up at me.

“What’s on your mind? Is it not good?” He asks, with a worried look in his eyes.

“No! no, I’m sorry Jakey, I spaced out.” I pause. “I was thinking about how hot you were earlier, defending me, all.. possessive?” I finish my sentence, he sighs out of relief and smiles up at me.

“I see.” Is all he says with a smirk on his face, he brings his face up close to mine, his fingers rubbing my clit. His lips are next to my ear, nibbling my earlobe slightly.

“You’re all mine. No one else is going to be touching you like this.” He whispers. I shiver and he feels it. I feel one of his fingers at my entrance, I grab the back of his neck, awaiting them to move.

“You want me to fuck you with these fingers, my love?” His warm breath sending tingles down my whole body. I feel stuck in the best way possible, frozen in time. I nod quickly, interlocking my fingers in his hair and pulling slightly. His breath hitches and he slips one of his fingers inside.

“Fuuuuuck. You’re so tight” He whimpers softly against my ear. He stops moving when his finger is all the way inside, giving me time to adjust. He feels so good, and I feel ready to move, rocking my hips a little on him. He kisses the back of my ear, and then sits up, so he can reposition himself. He slips another finger inside slowly, as he’s towering over me. Fucking me softly with his fingers, still letting me get used to him.

“Faster, please, Jake” I plead, rocking my hips back and forth on his fingers. He doesn’t waste a second, slipping his fingers in and out of me, curling them so he hits my g-spot. He does not miss it once. I shake under his grasp- he knows exactly where to touch me.

“You like that? You want more?” I don’t know how much more I can handle, feeling my climax approaching quickly. I nod, curious for what will come next.

He places his mouth on my clit as he thrusts his fingers in and out of me. The feeling pushes me over the edge.

“J- Jake I’m gonna-“ I begin.

“That’s right, fucking cum on my fingers. Do it.” He says, almost aggressively. And right now, my orgasm belongs to him. I gift it to him, moaning his name loudly as I squeeze my bedsheets with my hands, letting my orgasm ride out in waves over my body. He watches me closely, slowly lowering the pace of his fingers, and I’m in complete shock. I lay in bed, out of breath as he lays down next to me; licking his fingers clean and resting his head on his hand, facing me.

“I- where did that come from?” I ask, in disbelief at the way he talked to me.

“[y/n], I’m full of surprises.” He smiles. I can’t help but look down and see his hard-on. I lick my lips and look back up at him, biting my bottom lip. His smile drops, captivated by my actions. I sit up and scoot down the bed, so I’m sitting next to his hips.

“Please, talk to me like that again.” I ask, unbuttoning his jeans, and then unzipping them.

“Suck my cock, princess” He says. I gasp softly, not expecting him to bounce back this quick. I look at him, as I pull down his jeans and rub him over his underwear.

I move closer, so now my legs are between his and my stomach is on the bed. I pull his dick out of his underwear and look directly at him, licking him from the base all the way to the tip. He gasps, closing his eyes and throwing his head back.

“Fucking suck it. I know you want to.” He says, quietly. And I follow his orders, taking in his whole length, all the way down to my throat. I bob my head up and down, wrapping my hand around the base of his dick and stroking him softly.

“That’s right. This cock belongs to you, suck it like it does.” I look up at him, and he’s smiling down at me, then looks up at the ceiling. He knows the effect he has on me. I bob my head up and down faster, sucking him harder. With my free hand, I cup his balls and caress them. I watch him as his eyes roll to the back of his head, his throat flexed out as he moans.

“My girl, making me feel so good, I’m close” He whimpers. I remember my trick from last time; I begin humming loudly on his cock, and he moans my name loudly- it’s so hot. He places his hand on top of my head, pushing me down on him.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck. Don’t stop” He moans. He looks down at me, playing his arm under his head so he can watch me swallow his load. My humming vibrating his dick in the best way causes him to burst, and I make direct eye contact as he bites his lip and cums in my mouth.

I lick him clean, and climb up to him so we can lay next to each other. I turn to him, so my body is facing him and he does the same, catching his breath slowly.

“You. You are a mystery I love to unfold.” He smiles sheepishly, kissing the tip of my nose.

“Thank you, Jakey. I’m sorry we can’t do more” I pause. He looks at me with furrowed, confused brows. “I don’t know if I’m ready for more than this. I- haven’t done it before.” I finish. He places his hand on the side of my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek so sweetly.

“Darling, I do not mind at all. I’m perfectly happy right now. You make me feel so good, better than anyone ever has.” He says, his eyes focused on mine. His hand on my cheek brings me the most comfort I could ever receive. He pulls me closer and hugs me tightly, my face in the space between his head and his chest.

This exact moment is the moment I slowly realized I fell in love with Jake Kiszka and nothing could ever change the way I feel about him

Chapter 9 : Reality

“Jake?” I say as I walk into the studio. He was sat on the couch, a girl between his legs, his eyes closed as she pleasured him.

“What the fuck?!” I scream. His eyes blink open as he looks at me, emotionless. He tells the girl to stop for a second and fixes himself, getting up. He walks up to me and makes direct eye contact with a look of… hate? I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I feel my heart beat quickly as he begins to speak. 

“You won’t put out, so I had to get it from someone else.” He says as he shoots me a look of disgust. “She’s much better anyway.” He adds, before turning back and sitting down on the couch. He tells the girl she’s doing great as she strokes his hair. 

“But. But you said I made you feel better than anyone else, you said I was special…” I whimper, wanting to rip the girl away from him. My heart shatters in pieces as he turns her face to him and kisses her in front of me.

“Why would I ever say that? I can have anyone; you are nothing but a check on my list.”

_ _ _ 

I wake up in a cold sweat, breathing loudly. The air in my room feels cold and I start crying at the thought of what I just experienced. My skin feels frozen as I get full body goosebumps, I start to shake unwillingly. My head feels dizzy, and I can’t focus on anything but the words coming out of his mouth. 

“[y/n]? What- oh my god- are you okay?” I hear a whisper behind me, but I can’t stop myself from crying some more, wiping away the tears coming out of my eyes even though more come out seconds after. Jake doesn’t say anything else; he just sits behind me and wraps his arms around me as he pulls me close to him. He rocks me slowly, stroking my arm. I cry harder at the thought of all of this being an illusion, just like in my dream. He pulls me closer and rests his head on mine. The room is quiet, the only noise that fills it is my ragged breaths and soft cries, my head being all fuzzy. 

“You’ve been waiting for your lover, when you’ll discover, she’s always there, walk a while in her summer, she is the drummer, of your beating heart" 

Jake sings softly against my head, rocking with me on the bed. I close my eyes and listen to him- shaking in his arms. He holds me tight and the warmth of his skin grounds me, as I focus on his voice. 

"She’s a woman in a dream, one that makes you fall in love" 

He sings softly, stroking my head as I begin to calm down. He finishes the song and my heart melts. 

"I’m so sorry. I had a nightmare” I finally say, after taking some deep breaths. 

“What happened?” He asks. I detach myself from his arms for a quick moment, to turn on the light next to my bed. As I place myself back in his arms, I realize I have jake’s shirt on- he must’ve put it on me before I fell asleep. I sit in front of him, and he hugs me from the back, as he’s leaning against the wall. He places his head on mine and strokes my arm softly. 

“Remember I told you how I spent most of high school reading?” I begin. He nods against my head. “It’s because I spent.. all.. my time alone. I was never really able to make a friend- so I spent my time on books.” I say, sighing. 

“I would’ve been your friend.” He says, softly with a sad tone. I sigh again, quietly.

“I don’t think so, you’re so cool and I’m the bookworm in the back of the room. A background character. No one noticed me, ever. Except the people who made fun of me for that exact reason.” I reply. 

“I noticed you the first second I walked into that office, [y/n]. You are my main character. I’m sorry people were cruel to you. You didn’t deserve it, my pretty girl. I wish I would’ve known you earlier- I would notice you every day.” He cups my face and brings it to his, as he plants a soft kiss on my nose. A tear makes it’s way down my cheek and he wipes it away immediately- kissing the spot where it was. 

“Thank you, Jake. That means a lot to me” I reply, turning my body so I’m facing him, sat cross-legged in front of him as he holds my hands. 

“What happened in your nightmare?” His sympathetic brown eyes dig into me, awaiting for an explanation for my outburst. I pause and take a moment to look at him, before I completely embarrass myself. The soft light of my lamp exposes his tired face to me, the bags under his eyes make him look so gentle and I wish I could hold him forever, freeze him in time so that we could be like this forever.

“I walked into the studio and you were with someone else. You said that since I won’t put out you had to get it from someone else. The way you looked at me in my dream…” I pause, my eyes tearing up at the thought. My cheeks burning. “It hurt a lot. I didn’t think I was going to have an anxiety attack and I’m so sorry you had to see me like that. I promise it doesn’t happen often and I feel horrible.” I finish, wiping the tear that was making it’s way down my cheek. 

“[y/n], I don’t want you to feel sorry, ever. I’m here with you, I want to be here with you.” He pauses and smiles softly at me. “I am in no rush. None at all, okay? I want our first time to be special. Under your conditions.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I know what it feels like to be so anxious you feel like you’re about to burst- it happens to me sometimes before a show. I listen to some music and really get into the song- it helps me. I hope I helped you a little bit earlier.” He says softly, and I melt. I nod quickly. 

“It’s never happened in front of anyone else, and you helped me so much, Jake. I know we haven’t known each other for a long time, but it’s like we’re connected and you just…know me. I feel so lucky to have gotten the internship which has led me to you.” I say, smiling up at him. 

“Awh… [y/n] c'mere” He blushes, pulling me closer. We lay in bed, he spoons me with his arm wrapped tightly around my stomach. I reach over to my lamp and shut it off. Falling asleep in his arms.

Chapter 10: Again

{Jake}

I woke up with [y/n] sleeping, snoring softly in my arms. The sunrise crept through her window and covered her face, I covered it with my hand and reached over to her curtains, pulling them slightly. I took a moment to watch her as she slept; she looked so delicate. I waited a couple minutes, contemplating if I woke her up or let her sleep- we had to get to the office in about two hours. 

I remember what happened last night and my heart hurts as I think about how she had a nightmare because of me. I caress her arm softly. The thought of her having anxiety attacks when I’m not there worries me because I want to help her and be there for her and protecting her helps me.

“Jake?” I hear, I look down and focus on her. She rubs her eyes and turns around to face me. 

“Good morning” I say, giving her a forehead kiss. She smiles in response and I melt. 

“It’s 7:26. I need to get back home to get changed” I say softly, kissing her cheek and caressing her arm with my thumb. She pouts and I reciprocate the action. 

“Do you want your shirt back?” She stands up and I do the same. The thought of her taking my shirt off in front of me goes straight to my dick.

“That would be a good idea.” I say as I look down and realize I am shirtless. She pulls it off and I die a little inside, then put the shirt on. It smells like her. I can’t help myself but stare at her bare body in front of me, before she quickly puts her bathrobe on.

“We’ll see each other later today okay?” I say, pulling her close and holding her for a couple minutes, then turning around and calling an uber to my place. 

_ _ _

Entering the apartment, I’m faced with Sam cooking again. His hair is in a bun and he has a white apron on, already dressed for the day. He’s cooking pancakes. 

“Jake! You didn’t come home last night.” He says, waving his spatula at me. His brows furrowed as he pretended to be mad at me. 

“I knowww” I reply, smiling sheepishly. 

“Oh! I know why. No need to explain” He smirks, looking down at his pancake. He giggles and I can’t help but do it too. I step closer to him so I can tell him something that belongs only to the two of us. 

“She’s mine, Sammy. I asked her” I tell him quietly and he gets the biggest smile on his face. He claps his hands quietly as he congratulates me.

“No way! I’m happy for you Jakey.” He smiles. “Breakfast ready in 15.” He adds as I smile and walk away, headed for my room. 

I decided to dress comfortably today, keeping [y/n] in my thoughts; wondering what she was gonna wear and if she was thinking about me, too. As I looked through my closet, I picked a black shirt with striped jeans. Whenever I wore those I always felt really good about myself. I combed through my hair with my hairbrush and sprayed a bit of cologne on myself. With barely enough time to pick out my necklaces- Sam was already calling us to the table. 

I sit down next to Sam, Josh in front of me. Sam smiles at the big plate of pancakes in front of us and informs us about this new recipe that he decided to try. Josh kept looking over at me with a disappointed look, filling me with guilt. I could barely look back at him and so I just stared at my plate, not wanting to deal with him at the moment. 

“You spent the night with her, didn’t you?” He says dryly. Sam’s head shoots up and he looks at me before looking over at Josh. 

“No, I didn’t.” I lie, he doesn’t believe me. 

“You did, didn’t you?! You know I like her and then you steal her away from me!” He raises his voice. 

“Josh, c’mon the day has barely started yet” Sam tries to cool him down, placing his hand on Josh’s shoulder. 

“You want to talk about stealing? What about Taylor? What about that?” I spit out at him, unable to hold back my anger once again. Josh looks back at me with a confused look- as if this is the first time he’s ever heard of her. As if I’ve never talked about her before. 

“Wha-” he starts but I interrupt him. 

“You know what? I’m leaving, see you later.” I reply, his confusion making me furious. As I sit in my car, I’m baffled by his reaction. He never notices me, or understands me. I thought twins were supposed to love and care about each other. Why is it so one-sided? Flashbacks from walking into the room, catching them together, flood my mind and I feel tears make their way out but I wipe them away immediately- distracting myself with the thought of [y/n]. 

_ _ _

I walked into Elizabeth’s office and she waved hello, as she gave me a confused look. 

“You’re the first one here! That doesn’t happen often.” She smiles. I smile back and sit down on her couch. 

“Elizabeth?” I begin, she looks at me and pauses, then gets up and sits on the couch with me. “Do you ever miss Taylor?” I ask. She sighs and shakes her head ‘yes’. 

“Do you?” She finally asks, after we sit in silence for a couple minutes. I shake my head ‘no’. 

“I know that what happened that night was terrible, Jake. You were really hurt. Why are you mentioning her, now?” She asks, giving me a sympathetic look. 

“I need a way to tell you that… [y/n] and I have gotten together, officially, since last night.” I look up at her, she gives me a shocked look, and then a smile, aaand then a smirk. 

“Thank you for telling me, this time.” She says. “I could tell you like her. I like her too.” She giggles. 

“I really think we’re gonna last, Liz, I really feel that she’s my soulmate.” I reply and my heart melts at the thought. Before she can respond, there’s a knock at the door. I turn my head back and my heart stops. 

[y/n] wore a short black skirt, paired with a long chunky sweater. She had some semi-sheer tights underneath- tucked into her boots, covered by some leg warmers. Her hair flowed down beautifully; she looked completely different from a couple hours ago. She was angelic. I can barely say hi, as I’m taken aback from her beauty. 

“Hi Elizabeth! Good morning, Jake.” She waves and walks over to the couch, sitting down next to Liz. 

“Uh, uh, uh, He told me. Secrets out!” Elizabeth cheered. [y/n] looked over at me with a puzzled look. I mouthed ‘us’ and smiled. She blushed and my heart melted at the sight. 

“It’s a good thing!” Liz turns to her, placing her hand on her shoulder. “Our company is pretty flexible about that sorta thing, as long as we’re informed in the first month.” She finishes. [y/n] sighs out of relief and smiles at me, I reciprocate the action. 

“Just- please- no filthy things in my office or god forbid the studio.” Elizabeth doesn’t have the time to finish her sentence before [y/n] looks directly at me- embarrassed. Thankfully, Liz doesn’t notice.

_ _ _

We sat in the oval room, the walls were beige and the table was black, so were the chairs. There was a huge screen in the back of the room, to my left, where Liz had a powerpoint on; named ‘Updates and News’. I sat facing [y/n], closer to the screen. Sam sat next to her and then Josh sat next to him, Danny to my right. 

“Good morning” Sam poked her shoulder and waved at her. She waved back. Sam looked up and smiled at me before bringing his attention back to her.

“[y/n]? Do you like coffee?” He asks her. I watch them interact, but mostly her. She beams and starts talking about her favourite kind of coffee, chai I believe. Sam clasps his hands together.

“Finally someone who loves chai! I’ve been trying to get these guys to try it and they don’t want to!” Sam complains and [y/n] laughs in response. “We should go get some!” He suggests. 

“Now that’s a good idea! [y/n], will you get some coffee for us?” Liz asks as she walks in the room. [y/n] nods and stands up, taking out her phone so she can write down everyone’s order. We all take our turns and tell her what we’d like.

“Liz, I can go with her! She’ll need an extra set of hands anyway.” Sam says. Liz agrees and they both leave. _ _ _ {Y/N} 

We decide to take Sam’s car. A tesla. It’s sleek and looks incredibly advanced. He sits in the drivers seat and I sit next to him in the passenger seat. 

“Starbucks?” He asks. I nod. I watch as he types in the dress on the screen of his car; the nearest one is about ten minutes away. He scrolls through his phone and puts on a driving playlist, as he describes it. 

“I’m glad we’re finally alone. I wanted to talk to you about Jake.” Sam says. I feel my heartbeat quicken and my fingertips freeze as I look over to Sam. He’s focused on the road but he doesn’t look mad or anxious to talk to me. 

“About a year ago, we had this intern. I think it was like, the third intern our company had ever hired since the program was pretty new.” He pauses and looks over at me as the light is red. 

“Jake became attached to her quickly. They started dating behind Liz’ back, for a couple of months.” The light turns green and he stares ahead now. 

“What he didn’t know, is that she was dating Josh, at the same time. Behind his back. She would come over and stay with him until he fell asleep and then go to Josh’s room. It was fucking terrible. Josh knew they were together and he didn’t care.” Sam says, his tone indicating some leftover anger over the situation. “It was really hard to see this, for me, because when I’d bring it up to Josh he’d just get so angry and tell me I had no idea what I was talking about.” Sam sighs. 

“I’m so sorry, Sammy. That’s terrible.” I reply, we pull up to a red light and I place my hand on his shoulder, whilst giving him a sympathetic look.

“Thank you, [y/n]. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. One night, after a really big show, Josh got off the stage first and went to his dressing room like usual. Jake and I got off the stage last because we were waving at the fans and saying goodnight. When we got to our dressing room- the door was locked. We guessed it was just Josh doing his after show routine so we went to a bar nearby and drank, then came back.” Sam pulls into the parking lot of the starbucks and turns off the car, unbuckles his seatbelt and turns towards me. I do the same. 

“When we got back, Liz was arguing with Josh. He was extremely drunk and angry, and Liz was yelling at him; saying she broke his trust and ignored company rules. He just kept yelling at her how it’s none of her business and that he can be with anyone he wants. They just kept screaming at each other and as Jake and I made our way into the dressing room, I’ll never forget the look on his face when we walked in. Taylor, only covered by a blanket, was on his couch.” Sam sighs and looks down, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

“Jake asked her what happened and she couldn’t even tell him. I had to make her tell him. She never even apologized, [y/n]. I told Jake they were doing all this behind his back for months. She couldn’t admit it. I was so angry at the both of them. Its like- It’s like Josh doesn’t want to share with Jake, or let him have anything. And since then they haven’t been close like they used to be.” Sam finishes. I nod slowly as I take in all the information. “I’m just grateful that Liz decided to keep us. That could’ve been our last day. She had to fire Taylor and we never saw her again.”

“I’m telling you this because” He pauses and makes eye contact with me. “I know you’re not like that. But Jake is fragile. I don’t know the situation exactly for the song he wrote that one time but I feel like you can take that as an example. He cares.. so much. I’m just hoping you care about him the same way.” He says, and smiles softly at me. I nod and smile back.

“Thank you, Sam. For telling me. I’ll tell you something personal about me if that’s okay.” I pause and he nods, waiting for the rest of my sentence. “I’ve never been with anyone before, so Jake is my first everything. I care about him so much and I’m terrified of losing him. I-” building up the courage to say it, for the first time. 

“I think I love him. It’s so early, too early to tell him so I hope you keep this between us. I just.. I’m like obsessed with him. Whenever I see him I’m so much happier and I just love him.” I ramble, blushing and tearing up. He leans over to me to give me a hug. I gladly hug him back and we hold each other for a couple seconds. He pulls away and breathes out, smiling as he wipes a tear away. He cares so much about his big brother. 

“Okay, okay, lets get some coffeeee!” I exclaim, trying to brighten up the mood. He smiles big and we exit the car.

Chapter 11: Meeting

As Sam and I make our way back inside the building, we try our best not to drop the coffee all over the place. He decided to get the same drink as me, an iced chai latte with oat milk. When he tried it in the car, his eyes lit up, suddenly that was his new favourite drink. He holds the door open for me as we walk in and we enter the elevator together.

I hand out everyone’s coffees and sit down, placing my notepad in front of me. I look up quickly to see Jake mouthing a ‘thank you’. I smile and look down at my notebook- biting my bottom lip. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself! Never wanting to try chai.” Sam scoffs and rolls his eyes at his brothers. They both laugh at his comment. 

“Alright, Important updates guys!” Elizabeth grabs our attention by beginning her presentation. “The tour will be announced today at 12pm. The tour will be beginning in two weeks!!!!” She exclaims and the boys cheer. I write down notes on her presentation and tone. 

“It’ll be only the US for now, but you’ll be visiting a whole lot of new cities and states! We’ve already got your costumes decided, setlist chosen, set design done. And I just confirmed the tour bus this morning! I hope you are all excited as much as I am!” She cheers. I look up at Jake and he has a glimmer in his eye, with the most beautiful hopeful and excited smile, as he fidgets with his necklace. I can’t help but tear up a little at the sight. He looks like a little kid who just learned he’s about to get his first bike. 

“So now that I’ve gotten that announcement out of the way” Elizabeth pauses. “I will not be able to go on the tour with you.” The boys gasp and start pestering her with questions. 

“Because” She drags out her word as both her hands make their way in front of her stomach- cupping it to show a small baby bump. Everyone in the room cheers and claps their hands together, congratulating her. 

“No fucking wayyy!” Sam claps and gets up to hug her. Josh, Jake and Danny do the same. I smile and watch them as they come back to their seats. 

“So, because of this, I won’t be able to come with you guys on tour. Which leads me to my next announcement. [y/n], I know your internship is almost over, and the company is offering you the job! It’s basically the same thing as you’re doing now but…. paid more. I asked them to make this job specifically for you. You’ll be following the boys on tour and keeping me up to date on a daily basis. Basically like an assistant manager.” Elizabeth says. I look up at her in shock, unable to reply. I look over at Jake and he smiles at me. 

“I- I’ll take it! Yes please. Thank you Elizabeth.” I smile and get up to hug her, she hugs me back. _ _ _

We all walk out of the oval room, Elizabeth heads to her office and tells me to take the day off to prepare for the tour. I head to my car and as soon as I reach for the handle; I feel someone’s hand on my hip. Jake. I recognize the feeling of him. He hugs me from the back and lays his head on my shoulder. 

“I’m taking you out tonight. Somewhere fancy. Be ready by 6.” is all he says as he kisses my cheek and leaves with Sam. I feel the butterflies in my stomach swarm my chest. Sitting in my car, I pull out my phone and check my instagram. I decide to book an appointment to get my hair done- since it has been months and I wanted to look pretty for Jake. As I click on my hairdresser’s profile, I hear a knock at my window, its Josh. I scroll my window down and look up at him. 

“Hey, [y/n].” He smiles, I smile back. “I wanted to apologize for last time, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I hope Jake hasn’t talked to you that way.” He says and my mind races back to that night; when Jake had his fingers-

“No, he would never. Thanks Josh.” I say. He looks down at me with his brown eyes, a smirk on his lips. 

“You know, I’m way better than him. I know my way around a woman- if you ever get tired of him.” He finally says, after checking me out for a brief second. 

“I won’t.” I reply. Josh looks taken aback and I feel good about my answer. “Gotta go!” I add, as my window makes it’s way up and I shift to drive, leaving Josh behind. _ _ _ 

I walk into my apartment and stare at myself in the mirror, taking in my new hairstyle. I loved the haircut she gave me- whilst it still had a lot of length; it framed my face so much better and I felt pretty. It was already 4:30 and so I took my time getting ready. I took a long shower and shaved all over, just because I wanted to feel super clean and prepared. I decided to do a softer makeup look with light eyeshadow and my usual winged eyeliner. In my closet was a body con burgundy dress I had saved for months, waiting for an opportunity to be worn. I remembered Jake mentioning it was his favourite colour. It was those satin-type dresses which was loose in the front and the back straps were very thin. I placed it on my bed as I looked through my closet for my undergarment. A black lace bodysuit that made my boobs look really good. There was a wire under the cups which raised them a little, giving my body an hourglass shape under the dress. As I put on the dress and look for my shoes, I hear my phone ring. It’s a FaceTime call from an unknown number. My curiosity gets the best of me as I click accept; facing the camera away from me. The little 'whoosh’ noise takes over the room and I’m faced with Sam. I face the camera. 

“Sam! Hey! How did you get my number?” I answer, smiling at him. He smiles back. 

“Jake. Duh. Wow, [y/n] you look hot!” He replies, raising his eyebrows at me. I go to face the mirror and flip the camera around on the screen so that Sam can see the dress.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” I ask him. Before Sam can answer, I hear a voice in the background of the call, I think it’s Josh. I turn the camera back to myself. 

“Sam who are you talking to?” He says. 

“Nunya” Sam answers, looking up at him and then back at the screen with a smile; holding back his laugh. I smile back at him.

“Who the hell is Nunya?” Josh asks. 

“Nunya business! Fuck off” Sam laughs as I watch him push Josh out of his room and close the door. Sam and I laugh together through the screen for a couple seconds. 

“[y/n] he’s gonna love it! You’re wearing his favourite colour too! Attention to details- I love it!” He replies and I smile. I make use of Sam’s presence and ask his opinion on which necklace I should wear. I set my phone down and show him the two I was stuck on; one of them was a little dagger and the other one was a rose. Sam suggests the dagger and I put it on immediately, trusting his opinion. I check the time quickly and it’s only 5:30, so I sit on my bed and stay on the call with him.

“Sam” I whisper, pulling the phone closer to my face.

“What” He whispers back, reciprocating pulling his phone closer to his face and I giggle a little. 

“I’m wearing lingerie underneath. I’m so nervous” I admit, still whispering. He gasps and pulls the phone back, setting it down on a table. 

“Wait. You and Jake never..?” He asks, almost afraid to. I nod softly and he gasps again. 

“oh my godddd it’s going to be great, don’t worry!” Sam smiles as he reassures me. 

“It’s going to be my first time” I whisper again, Sam is about to answer as the knocks on my door interrupts him. I check the time quickly and it’s 5:58. 

“Fuck! He’s here! gotta go, bye!” I whisper as I wave at him quickly, he waves back and I end the call- rushing to the door. I open it slowly and Jake is on the other side. He looks so.. hot. He wore a white button down, unbuttoned a couple buttons down exposing his chest. He had a long silver necklace that reached just above the buttoned part of his shirt. He paired the shirt with black skinny jeans, and some clean shoes. He looked so sexy and I just wanted to bring him in my apartment and rip it all off. But I don’t. 

His mouth gapes open as I open the door wide enough for him to see me. He stares at me, looking up and down just to take it all in. He shakes his head quickly and smiles at me, pulling me in for a kiss. I kiss him softly, placing my hand behind his head and playing with his hair a little. He whimpers softly as I pull a little. We kiss for a couple of seconds and then I pull away. He smiles at me as he asks if I’m ready to go.

“Sorry! I don’t have my shoes on. Give me two seconds.” I say, looking down at my socks on the bare floor. He laughs a little and waits for me at the door. I put on some black heels, they aren’t tall- more like platform mary-janes. I smile up at him and we leave together. Jake takes my hand and we walk out to his car, he opens the door for me and I sit down in the passenger seat. He closes the door softly and goes over to the driver seat. Before starting the car, he turns to me and looks at me for a couple seconds. 

“God, [y/n]. You are so fucking gorgeous. Absolutely irresistible.” He says, blushing. I smile and blush at his comment. He slowly pulls out his phone and takes a picture of me sitting nervously in his passenger seat. “Sorry- I just. Wow. I’m keeping this picture forever. You’re so beautiful, my love.” He gushes. I give him a kiss on the cheek and he starts the car, driving us to our destination.

Chapter 12 : Tonight

We arrive at this large restaurant, on a secluded land next to a beach. Jake put on some Imagine Dragons the whole way there and we sang along together. As he pulls into the parking lot, I barely have time to open my door as he’s already opening it for me like such a gentleman. I blush at his actions, this being the first time someone has ever treated me so nicely. He places his hand out so I can grab onto it as I exit his vehicle. We walk together towards the entrance of the fancy restaurant; I’m holding his arm with both my hands and I watch him smile as he tells the host the reservation name. I take a moment to look around as the host looks through the reservations. 

The restaurant had a really nice interior, sleek walls with nude colours, the lights dimmed. The chairs were rounded and made with a dark brown leather, the tables being draped with a long white tablecloths. The host tells Jake that our table is ready and leads us to the back, where the rest of the restaurant was outside and overlooking the beach. I gasp at the view and look over at Jake. He’s looking down at me proudly, almost cocky. I smile up at him as the host shows us our table. It’s the farthest one in the back; right above the beach, we can see the sunset so clearly. Jake pulls out my chair for me and I sit down, as he pushes the chair so I’m seated properly. I thank him quietly and he smiles as he sits down. 

“Jake..” I pause, looking over at the ocean; watching the waves crash against the sand. “It’s so pretty” I smile and look back at him. He’s watching me so carefully, looking over at my every move. I sit up in my chair so my back is straight- feeling a little observed. 

“Sorry, I can’t stop looking at you. You are magnificent” Is all he says. The little candle on the table lightens up his face as his dark brown eyes dig into me. He looks flushed and beautiful. He’s much more beautiful than the view, even though it’s extremely nice out. Our waiter makes his way over with a bottle of wine. The wine looks extremely fancy and expensive; with a gold label and cap. 

“The wine you requested, sir.” The waiter says as he pours a little in Jake’s glass, so he can taste it. Jake looks over at me as he picks up the glass and raises it to his lips, taking a small sip. He looks up at the waiter and nods. 

“Pour some for the lady first, please.” He asks respectfully and my heart jumps a beat. He’s so sexy and respectful and I’m taken aback by his behaviour. The waiter pours the wine in my glass and then Jake’s, then places it in a wine cooler, next to our table. I grab my glass and Jake, his, and we clink them together, celebrating our first date. I place the glass to my lips and take a small sip, swirling it around in my mouth to really taste the wine. It’s dry and sweet, I really like it. I nod slowly to Jake and he smiles as he takes a sip too. 

“It’s really good!” I say. He nods his head as he holds his glass in his right hand, swirling around the contents of it slowly.

“It’s imported from Europe” He informs me, taking another sip. My heart skips a beat again, he’s making me feel so special. “[y/n], may I take your picture again? This… this view is just so beautiful I want to preserve it forever.” He asks as I feel the wind blow in my hair, my heart beating so quickly. I nod softly and he pulls out his phone quickly. I look over to the ocean, resting my head over my hand on the table, holding the glass of wine in my other hand. I hear the little ‘click’ from his phone and I turn my head to him, another 'click’ escaping from his device. I laugh a little at his little photographer moment. He smiles shyly as he places his phone in his pocket. 

The waiter comes back and takes our order, I get something with chicken, Jake gets a steak. For some reason, I find it hot. Almost expelling masculinity as he orders. He’s so clear about what he wants.

“Jake, thank you for bringing me here. I feel so special. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” I tell him. He grabs my hand softly, rubbing his thumb against my skin. 

“You are special, pretty girl. You deserve the world and I am going to do my best to give it to you.” He says and I can’t help but stare at his soft lips. I want to jump over the table and ride him; in front of everyone. I don’t care. I want him, bad. I smile at his answer, distracting myself from my thoughts; trying to power through this meal before jumping on him the second we’re out of here. 

“I want you to give it to me alright.” I say, quietly before I can stop myself, covering up my mouth as I start giggling uncontrollably. Jake’s smile drops as he makes out what I just said. He stares at me in disbelief as he squeezes my hand a bit. 

“Jesus… [y/n].” Is all he can muster to say, his cheeks becoming red, his breath becoming faster. The air feels thin between us as he eye-fucks me over the table, his eyes making their way down to my red dress. “Crazy girl, turning me on before we’ve had the chance to eat.” He says, then smiles sheepishly. I don’t reply; but instead clear my throat and pretend to scratch my shoulder- exposing the strap of my bodysuit under my dress. Jake gasps as he sees the lacy black material. He squeezes my hand a bit harder. 

“Fuck.” A whisper comes out of his mouth. “Y-you’re- fuck." 

We’re interrupted by the waiter bringing our plates. The food looks and smells amazing; but it doesn’t distract me from Jake’s eyes scanning me. He doesn’t even look down at his food, just keeps looking into my eyes. I smile at him and he smiles back. 

"Your food is gonna get cold, baby, c'mon” I say, not knowing where all this confidence is coming from- but I go with the flow. He nods softly, finally looking down at his plate and playing a bit with his food. I take a couple bites of my meal, and almost cum at the table at the taste. It’s so good. I moan quietly at the taste, a volume where only Jake can hear me, and he clears his throat. I look up at him, innocently, with my fork in my mouth; slowly pulling it out. Something about him, and how sexy he looks, is making me act like this. I just want him. I want him to take me and own me.

“I’m full.” He says, looking up at me. He’s only taken one or two bites of his steak. I try not to focus on the fact that he barely ate; then realize what he really means. 

“Me too, sucks, the food is reaaally good.” I say. Jake has a hungry look in his eye as he completely ignores the food in front of us. He’s hungry for me. The waiter comes by to see if everything is going well with our meal, Jake tells him we’re going to take it to go as we’re in a rush. My heart flutters at the sight of him talking to the waiter, acting so respectful. 

Next thing I know, we’re in the parking lot. He places the take-out boxes in the trunk and then goes to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for me. I follow his lead and sit down on the seat, placing my hand on his chest as I pass by him. His breath hitches and he closes the door softly. He makes his way to the driver’s side and sits down. His jaw is clenched and his chest rises quickly, as his breathing is going faster. 

“You’re driving me crazy” He says quietly as he backs out of the parking, placing his arm behind my seat, his face in of mine. I drag my finger along his chest, as he tries to focus on backing up the car safely. “I want you so fucking bad.” He looks down at me. 

“Me too.” I reply, he smiles down at me and gives me a soft kiss on the nose before turning back his body to face the road and driving off. 

_ _ _

We arrive to a huge hotel, in the middle of the city. It looks incredibly fancy and expensive. Jake parks the car in the parking lot and we make our way to the front desk, I follow him like a lost puppy. I follow him as we make our way to the elevator; he presses the button with his left hand as he wraps his right arm around my waist; pulling me close to him. I can’t help but look at his neck and then his chest, his skin looking so incredibly soft. 

We arrive to the hotel room; on the highest floor of the building. Jake slides the card into the door, unlocking it immediately. He licks his lips and opens the door for me, letting me walk in before him. I thank him and walk in. The hotel room is huge, with large tall windows overlooking the city. The lights are dim and the walls are a dark colour; giving the room an isolating effect. There’s a huge bed right in the centre, against the wall, facing the windows. On the bed are hundreds of rose petals. I turn back to Jake in shock as he closes the door and locks it. I clasp my hands together and hold them against my chest; in pure awe of this kind action he’s done for me. My legs start to shake a little out of an overwhelming wave of emotions take over me. 

“You did this for me?” I ask. He nods and smiles, stepping closer to me. He places both his hands on my hips as he rubs the material of my dress softly between his fingers. He leans down and locks his lips with mine. I gasp softly and kiss him back. His hands slowly make their way down to my ass, tucking his fingers underneath it to lift me up. I jump up slightly and wrap my legs around his waist and pull him close; wanting no space to be between us. 

Jake makes his way to the bed and sits down on the soft material, giving me enough place to set my knees on each side of his hips. We’re full on making out now- his tongue exploring my mouth as my hands pull the hair on the back of his head. He moans softly in my mouth and I can’t help myself but start grinding on him. His dick is so hard underneath me and I feel it against my wet centre. I grind harder against him; his jeans brushing my clit so nicely. The wetness from my slit has made it’s way past my underwear, leaking onto the denim material under me. I pull away him Jake’s lips, backing myself up a little to eagerly unbuckle his belt and pull down his zipper. 

“You want it, huh? You want my cock?” Jake says softly. I nod quickly. He sits up a little so he can pull his jeans off quickly. By sitting up quickly, his dick brushes against my clit and I whimper. He pulls off his jeans completely and is left with his underwear and shirt on the bed. I don’t waste another second to kiss him again, now rubbing myself on his lightly clothed length. Almost feeling the veins of his cock rubbing against me. I start pulling my dress up mid-kiss, pausing quickly to pull it off completely. Jake watches me undress myself in front of him. All that’s left on me is lace bodysuit and my underwear. My completely soaked underwear. 

“Fuck. Use me as you wish right now. God you’re so fucking sexy.” Jake says, with the most seductive look in his eyes, his flushed face and red lips is so cute and hot at the same time. I place my hands on his shoulders, and he pulls me in closer. I rub myself against his length faster, it feels so good. Almost as if he’s built for my pleasure. I feel an orgasm start building up. His hands grab my ass and pulls me closer, harder, on him. 

“You’re so fucking wet. You’ve soaked me, darling.” Jake moans, and the sound of my wet pussy rubbing on him turns me on even more. Both our underwear are completely soaked. “Cum on it. Fuck. Use me please” he whimpers in my ear, pulling me close and biting my shoulder slightly. The feeling of his teeth against my skin pushes me over the edge, and my orgasm rolls over my whole body like a huge wave of pleasure. I moan his name loudly, announcing it to the world. He groans at my response and rubs my back softly, letting me ride out the pleasure. I breathe out hard, looking at him deeply in the eyes. He smiles shyly and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. He waits a couple seconds before picking me up and spinning me around, placing me softly on the bed, my head on the soft pillows. He stands up and I look down at his hard-on. His dark underwear completely soaked. I cover my face in embarrassment and he smiles down at me. 

“Please never be embarrassed with me. That was the sexiest thing I have ever witnessed.” He says in disbelief. I look up at him and he makes his way on the bed, sitting up next to me. He looks down at my breasts; still covered by the black lace bodysuit. 

“Do you like it, Jakey?” I ask and he nods quickly.

“So much.” His bottom lip is in-between his teeth, as his eyes make their way back to mine. 

“Jake?” I pause, mustering up the courage to ask him. He lays next to me, resting his head on his hand, waiting patiently for my question. 

“Will you.. will you take me? Make me yours; please. I’m ready. I want you.” I ask and his eyes widen. His cheeks even redder then before. He nods and kisses my face all over. He gets up from the bed, and pulls his shirt off slowly, unbuttoning each button while making deep eye contact with me. I already feel ready to go again. My orgasm washed away like the waves in the sea, ready to come back every time. He’s only in his underwear now, making his way back on the bed and crawling over me softly; his cold necklace dragging against my skin. 

“Can I take this off, darling?” He asks and smile, pulling the straps off my shoulder. He pulls off the other strap with his hand, his soft fingers rubbing against my shoulder which makes my skin tingle. He places his fingers inside the bodysuit, in the back, and pulls it off slowly, taking my underwear off with it. His breath hitches as he catches a glimpse of my naked body, spread out on the bed against the rose petals. I place my arms above my head, resting against the pillows. Exposing submissiveness to him, exploiting how I want him to take me fully. He reaches for his jeans on the floor, pulling out a condom from the back pocket. He crawls back on the bed and towers over me, placing the condom on the night table. He looks down at me, and caresses my side with his left hand, his fingers brushing against the side of my breast. 

“You are so beautiful.” He whispers, before placing kisses down the middle of my chest, all the way to my pelvis. I raise my hips a little, wanting his mouth on me. He does 3 little 'tsk’ noises with his teeth, as he smiles up at me. “Someone’s eager.” He says softly, brushing his fingers against my soaking slit. I nod quickly, pushing myself down on his fingers as I need his touch. Right. Now. 

He opens his mouth slowly and sticks his tongue out, licking up my slit; tasting my previous orgasm. My breath hitches and I rub myself on his mouth, he closes his eyes as a groan escapes him quietly. He licks me faster as his tongue is doing wonders for my clit. I call out his name and I let him play with me however he likes. I feel his fingers at my entrance as he lays his tongue flat against my clit; shaking his head up and down as his fingers enter me. He fingers me slowly as he sucks on my clit. The overstimulation drives me crazy and I want him so bad. 

“I want you so bad. I’ve never wanted something so bad. Please. Fuck. Fuck me please” I ramble, a shaking mess under his touch. He backs off slowly, as I breathe out hard. I watch him take his underwear off, throwing them on the floor as he grabs the condom; opening the package and rolling it on his length. He crawls back on top of me, his face right above mine. I feel the tip of his length at my entrance. He’s so warm and I feel my centre suck him in, wanting his cock so fucking bad.

“Baby, are you ready? I’ll go softly, okay?” He asks, his eyes full of concern as his tip rests against my entrance. I nod slowly and kiss him softly. I pull back and watch him, keeping eye contact as his large length makes its way inside of me. He’s going slow, giving me time to adjust. I wince at the pressure and he stops. 

“Are you okay? Is this okay?” He asks, rubbing my temple with his thumb, giving me a kiss on the nose. 

“Yes. It’s so good. You.. You can move. I’m ready.” I say softly and he smiles down sympathetically. He pushes himself into me, so softly. His entire length inside of me. I feel so full, so happily full of him. I grab the hair in the back of his head and pull lightly, pulling him closer to me as I kiss him. I start rocking my hips against him, his cock thrusts slowly in and out of me. He groans against my lips, a low growl. 

“You’re so tight against me. Fuck. You feel so good.” He moans, pulling away from the kiss. He backs up a little to get a better angle; I watch him and his sexy figure, as he thrusts into me. His necklace hitting his chest as he starts to move faster. I moan his name as he makes eye contact with me- his dark brown eyes claiming me to be his. His hard dick throbs inside of me and I squeeze around him. He gasps. 

“Jake. Jake. Jake. You’re so sexy I- fuck. I’m yours. I’m all yours.” These words drive him crazy, he grabs my hips and fucks me faster, his cock hitting my g-spot so fucking good. 

“Yeah? You’re mine. God- I’m so close already.” He moans as he repeats my exact thoughts, my orgasm itching me as he fills me so well. 

“Cum inside me. Fill me up, Jake.” I moan, about to be pushed over the edge once again. He makes his way down against me, lifting my back up with his arm as he pulls my chest against his. A few seconds pass and he moans loudly in my ear, saying my name over and over again. Our orgasms ride over us at the same time; drowning us in pleasure as we hold each other close. I feel him shoot out inside the condom, the warmth sending butterflies to swarm in my stomach. My nails scratch his back unintentionally and he pulls me close to him, breathing hard in my ear. He pulls out of me and throws out the condom in the trash can next to the bed, then turns his body to me. Still catching his breath.

“How was it, sweet girl?” He asks, so softly. As if he didn’t just take over my whole body; claimed me. I roll over so I’m laying on his warm chest, wanting nothing but to be close to him. 

“It was perfect. Thank you, Jake.” I tear up, full of happiness. “You’re perfect.” I say, my voice cracking a little. He pulls away quickly, wanting to look at me. 

“What’s wrong baby? Are you sure it was okay? You can tell me.” He says softly, his eyes filled with worry. 

“I’m just so happy” I cry softly, and he melts, sighing softly with a smile on his face. He sits up and holds me; caressing my hair. “Thank you so much, Jake” I add. 

“Awh, darling.” He gushes. “Me too. I’m so glad I have you.” I hear him smile. My heart melts and I’m crying softly in his arms, holding his hand as he holds me. 

“I.. have to pee, when I get back can we please cuddle?” I wipe my tears, then look up at him. He giggles softly and nods. 

“Of course, anything you want.” He smiles. 

I come back from the bathroom, and get into bed with him, he’s already half asleep. I reach over and turn off the light, then lay my head on his. I listen to his breathing, and soft little snores. 

“I love you” I whisper, kissing his chest and closing my eyes; falling asleep against his warm skin.

Chapter 13 : Conversation

{Jake}

I’ve just dropped off [y/n] back to her apartment. I watched her as she walked in, smiling and waving at me as I wave back. I drive off with a smile on my face, the memories of last night flooding into my head. My heart flutters at the thought of her moans, her figure against mine, her nails in my back. I can’t wipe this smile off my face. I then think about the last thing I heard before falling asleep. I love you. Her words echo in my head. I turn the music up in my car, distracting myself. 

As I enter my apartment, I’m greeted with Sam on the couch, scrolling through his phone. I make direct eye contact with him as I close the door behind me. 

“Sam. I need to talk to you.” I say, he gets up immediately and we head to my room. We both sit on my head and I sigh. I look at Sam and he’s smirking.

We enter my room and he sits on the bed, awaiting for my venting. He wore his usual home attire; loose pants with a gray hoodie; his hair in a bun.

“What’s going on?” he asks, his brows furrowed and his eyes expelling nervousness.

“Last night, [y/n] thought I was asleep. She… said something to me.” I say, my voice almost cracking.

“The… L word?” Sam asks, one of his eyebrows raising as he waits for an answer. I nod slowly and he gasps- a smile making its way on his lips. I wave my fingers through my hair out of nervousness, unable to tell what I’m going to do.

“I don’t know what to do, Sammy. Do I feel like that…” I hesitate. “Yet? I really feel strongly about her, but I don’t know if I can tell her.” I say. Sammy nods understandingly and I feel relief making its way over my body as it helps me to talk to him.

“Well, Jake. This isn’t Taylor.” He pauses. “She loves you. She told me when we went for coffee. She feels so strongly about you that she decided to wait until you were asleep!” He smiles, and I smile too, as he clears things up for me.

“I think that she is really good for you. And if you think it’s too soon to tell her, wait! There’s no rush. She doesn’t know that you know, yeah? You’ve got a good thing going here, and I just know she’s good for you. Like, a million times better than Taylor.” He says sympathetically and places his hand on my shoulder. I nod softly and pull him in for a hug.

“Thank you, Sammy. You always know what to say.” I reply, chuckling at the thought of Samuel always being right.

“Damn right I do.” He laughs. “Do you want some french toast?” He adds and I nod frantically, my stomach growling a bit. I offer to help him make it and he gladly accepts; we get up and head to the kitchen. Sam and I sit at the table, I crack open some eggs and place them in a bowl as he gets the other ingredients, and then cut the bread in nice thick slices. He begins dipping the bread in the mixture and covering it, making sure it’s evenly coated. I watch him cook; knowing it’s one of his favorite things to do. 

* * *

“What the fuck were you doing in his room?” I asked, my heart beating loudly in my ears. “Answer me! I have a right to know!” I yelled, guilt not holding me back this time. My eyes darted to Sam, who’s covering his mouth in shock behind me. He removes his hand and stands next to me.

“Either you tell him or I will.” He tells Taylor. I feel the tears well in my eyes as the realization begins to hit me like a slow, burning wave. Why was she in his room… In his room.

“I- I was with Josh.” Taylor responds, her lip quivering as she looks up at me. My breath hitches as my throat hurts, I can’t respond.

“She’s been sleeping with Josh ever since her first day.” Sam answers for her. I look at him, with nothing but pain surrounding me. My heart feels ripped apart. Taylor sighs and stands up, starting to leave the room.

“No you’re not.” Sam starts, looking at her in shock. “If you leave, you never come back. Ever.” Sam says. I sense his anger in his tone, his voice raspy. My body feels warm because of the beers we shared, but my mind is completely sober. The buzz from the alcohol removed by the pain caused by her. I let the tears stream, my shirt feeling wet already. I just want to hide forever, never to see her again.

“You step out that door, Taylor, and you’re done.” Sam says, louder, as she scrambles for her clothes around the room. “You’re not even going to fucking apologize?!” He yells so loud that I jump in feedback. She looks back at me quickly, and leaves the room.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Taylor!” He yelled into the corridor of the venue. I feel frozen in time, the events that just happened replaying in my head, her face when we walked in, Josh screaming at Liz, Sam’s anger. I had never seen him this angry until this moment.

“Let’s get out of here, let’s be anywhere but in here.” Sam says, grabbing my wrist and dragging me out. He brings me to the tour bus- we sit in his bunk. He quickly grabs some tissues, and then some Whiskey; knowing we’re going to need it.

“Jake. I need to tell you my point of view.” He says, softly, looking up at me. I sit up and rest my back against the wall of his bunk, untwisting the cap of the whiskey bottle, I nod and wait for him to talk.

“It began the first or second week that she started at the company. You guys had already, well, you know. Anyway, I was making myself a tea in the kitchen when she came out of your room and asked me for a tea, so I made her one. Once I finished my tea, I got up and walked to my room; but I heard noise coming from the kitchen so I stood outside for a couple minutes. I could hear Josh talking to her. I don’t know what he said exactly but when I stepped out to look quickly, they were making out.” Sam sighs. I take a big sip of the bottle, then hand it over to him. 

“I.. watched her go in his room after. And soon enough, it was like that for the all the other times she’d come over.” Sam sniffles, tears in his eyes. His face is full of regret as he explains his point of view, ashamed. “When I tried to talk to Josh, he’d start getting really upset with me; insulting me, threatening me. I felt so.. stuck. And I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything that was happening and I couldn’t and I’m so fucking sorry, Jake.” He sobbed quietly. My heart hurt to see my little brother in so much pain. I pulled him closer to me and we held each other, crying. I took this moment to appreciate Samuel so much. He stuck up for me, cared about me.

“I forgive you, Sammy. I love you. Thank you for sticking up for me.” I say, taking another drink of the bottle. He smiles through his tears and nods. 

“I’ll always be on your side.” He replies.

* * *

“Everything okay?” Sam asks, flipping over the piece of bread in the pan. “You kinda zoned out.” He adds, looking over at me. 

“Yeah.. it is now.” I reply and smile up at him. I think about [y/n], how good she is to me. How her fingers touch me ever so softly- almost like she’s afraid to break me. I think about her smile and her eyes, her soul which ignites the fire in mine. Her entirety as a person is the glue to a broken man’s heart. She is my glue, my life, my love. 

“I love her.” I say. Sam turns to me and smiles wide, before he can reply I hear footsteps from behind me, I turn around to see Josh. 

“Fuck you, Jake.” He spits out, his emotions shifting to annoyance. 

“Josh, I’m so tired of this. You’ve taken enough from me. Please.” I plead with him. He looks at me for a couple seconds before sighing, then nodding slowly. 

“Alright, fine.” He says and then leaves the apartment. I sigh and look down to my hands, playing with my rings. I sigh, wishing I could talk to him. Tell him I miss how close we used to be, how fun it used to be. 

“You love her. Youuuu loooooove heeer!” Sam distracts me, dancing around in the kitchen with the spatula in his hand. I laugh and join him, we dance in the kitchen as the french toast burn.

Chapter 14 : Change of Plans

It had already been two weeks since my last encounter with Jake, not because I didn’t want to see him but because we were so busy with the beginning of the tour. We had already visited six cities and it had been stressful, but so fucking fun. 

I got to hangout backstage and where the concert photographers stood as the boys played on the stage- and watching Jake play was my favorite thing ever. He was so sexy when he delved into the music, his eyes closed as sweat poured down his forehead. I couldn’t help but feel so turned on when watching him play, and I missed the night we spent together so much. I knew it would happen again- we had just been so busy. After tonight’s show, there was a five day break until our next shows, and Jake told me we’d do something then. The thought always came back when I felt really.. homesick of him. 

The boys finish their encore and walk off the stage quickly, heading to their dressing rooms. I clap softly for Jake as he heads straight for me, his eyes watching me as he gets off the stage. 

“You did amazing!” I say and he smiles, pulling me in for a tight hug. 

“Thank you, [y/n]” He replies and we walk together to the common dressing room, meeting up with the rest of the boys. Throughout the weeks we have been on tour, I’ve gotten much closer with Sammy- I could say we’re best friends now and I feel so lucky to have him. 

Jake and I walk into the room and I quickly make my way to the couch- sitting next to Sam. He shoots me a smile and wraps his arm around me, pulling me close. 

“Hey [y/n]! Did you like the show?” He asks and I nod quickly. 

“It was really good, I’m so proud of you all!” I respond and the boys collectively give me a small ‘thank you’. I remember how good Josh sang and their overall performance.

Jake steps out into a smaller room- to get changed. He comes out and is now wearing a black button down shirt with some loose grey pants. I now realize that everyone else had gotten changed in some comfier clothes.

“Hey, we’ve picked up all the objects thrown on the stage and placed them in this box for you guys” A girl appears at the door with a big box full of random objects. The silence in the room is loud as her eyes widen and Sam gasps next to me. I look at him and his eyes are shooting daggers at her. Jake’s whole body freezes as she stands in the doorway, mirroring his movements. I hear Josh’s breath hitch and the whole room is filled with this uncomfortable silence. 

“I told you to never fucking come back.” Sam growls. Fuck. This is Taylor. I watch Jake as his puzzled look focuses on her, my heart beating quickly. Sam’s breathing becomes harder, as he stares at her. 

“I know.. I work here. Hey Jake.. Josh.” She says softly as she steps into the room and places the box on the table. The silence is killing me, as the energy feels so uncomfortable and I’m unsure what to do. 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked someone else to bring this.” She rapidly stutters before leaving the room rapidly- and Jake follows her. Sam gasps once again and gets off the couch quickly, rushing after Jake. 

“I’ll be right back, [y/n], don’t worry okay?” He says quickly before running down the hall. 

I can’t do anything but sit on the couch, my hands in front of my mouth as the latest events replay over and over in my mind. The tears make their way out of my eyes rapidly as the room is silent once again. The uncomfortability of the room is probably getting too much for Daniel as he leaves the room- leaving Josh and I alone. I can’t do anything but cry in my hands, as I’ve just watched my boyfriend run after another girl. I cover my face with my hands, the humiliation taking over my whole body. 

“[y/n], let’s get out of here, yeah?” Josh suggests and I look up at him, nodding softly. He grabs a box of tissues that was placed near the door and then grabs one of my hands, pulling me close to his body as he wraps his arm around my shoulders, squeezing a little. 

_ _ _ 

We find ourselves at a bar across the street from the venue and we sit in a booth at the back of the room. Completely secluded from the general public. I sat in the booth alone as Josh went to grab drinks- I had mentioned how I don’t drink often so he knew what to get me. He comes back with a rum and coke in one hand and something fancy looking in the other. 

“Here you go” He places the rum and coke in front of me and I rapidly take a big sip. He takes a small sip out of his drink, watching me. 

“I need to apologize to you, [y/n]” He says softly, placing his hand on my wrist. I look at him, the dimmed lighting in the back of the booth making him look so beautiful right now. He looks incredibly soft and his kind eyes ease the previous tension. 

“I get jealous of Jake. And when I heard that he likes you, I just wanted to shoot my shot- even if it isn’t reciprocated. You’re just so beautiful and he’s so lucky.” He says softly. “I’m so sorry for being a dick to you, you’re a kind girl and didn’t deserve that. Just like you didn’t deserve him running after Taylor like that.” He says and I tear up again, the tears pouring out with no control. 

“I told him I love him” I sob into my hands, Josh rubbing my back softly and hesitantly. I cry softly and he hesitates saying anything else. I pause to take another big sip of my drink, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. 

“That’s terrible. I’m sorry, [y/n]. I know he must’ve told you what happened before… with Taylor.” Josh starts. “I had her first. No one knew. Sammy thought he knew but he was wrong, I just wasn’t able to tell him. It hurt me a lot, too, when she left. Ever since then things haven’t been the same. I need to tell you that I would never do that to you.” He finishes and I sniff a little, wiping more of my tears away. Before I can answer him- Sammy’s calling. I rapidly answer and place him on speakerphone. 

“Sammy.” You say softly. 

“I couldn’t find them anywhere. Where are you?” He says quickly and my heart drops quickly, my lip quivering, Josh noticing and scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. 

“We’re at the bar across the venue- all the way in the back.” Josh answers for me as a sob escapes my lips. 

“Oh.. [y/n] I’m on my way” He responds and ends the call.

It doesn’t take long before Samuel is rushing inside the bar, heading straight to the back to meet with Josh and I.

“You don’t know where they went?” Josh asks Sammy and he shakes his head ‘no’.

“I’m so pissed, Josh. She knows we were performing- why the hell was she there?” Sam scoffs with an annoyed tone.

“Do you” I pause hesitantly. “Do you think they’re..” I can’t bring myself to say it out loud- the tears getting in the way of my sentence.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. He cares a lot about you, [y/n] he’s told me many times. I didn’t expect him to be stupid enough to run after her.” Sam sighs loudly. “I’m getting a drink. Do you want another one?” He places a hand on my shoulder as he looks down at my empty glass and I nod.

“Rum and coke.” Josh answers him before he asks and Sam nods.

“I don’t think they’re going to do anything.” Josh states, looking down at me to make eye contact. His fingers rubbing my arm softly, the warmth of his arm around me helping a little. “Jake’s the type to need closure. I think he just needed to talk.” He tries to reassure me and he does a little, but not much.

Sam comes back with two drinks, he places mine in front of me and I sip it slowly this time.

“I wasn’t enough, Sammy.” I say softly.

“No. That’s not true. He cares about you so much.” Sam says sympathetically. “We hear him writing songs about you in his room all the time, right Josh?” Sam looks towards Josh and I mirror him, looking at Josh as well.

“It’s true. He’s always strumming something and muttering lyrics. All the time.” Josh agrees, then takes a sip of his drink. He slowly takes his arm off of my shoulders and rests his arms on the table, looking towards Sammy and I.

“Everything is going to be okay.” Sammy says, but I can’t focus as Jake steps into the bar- his shirt even more unbuttoned than before.

Chapter 15 : Listen

I walk into the bar, rushing to find her but it’s packed. As I make my way to the back, I see her surrounded by Sam and Josh. I make my way over but Sam stops me- placing his hand on my chest.

“No. We need to talk.” He stops me. I look in his eyes and shake my head.

“I need to explain. I need to tell her what happened.” I try but he doesn’t budge, almost standing protectively in front of her.

“She needs space from you right now, Jake. You hurt her, badly, do you know that?” He starts but my tears stop him from continuing his sentence. I nod slowly and he takes my arm, pulling me out of the bar with him.

We walk around for a couple of minutes before finding an empty bench, we sit down and he turns his body to me. My bottom lip quivers as the nervousness causes my throat to close up- Sammy’s eyes examining me in pure confusion and curiosity.

“I don’t know why I ran after her.” I can barely get it out, the shame taking over my whole body. “I guess- I just. I just needed closure. I needed to know why she did this to me.” I cry quietly, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. Sam sighs and nods slowly.

“And what happened then?” He finally asks, the silence taking over a big part of our conversation.

“We met up- she.. she tried to- and we didn’t. Sammy we didn’t do anything.” The recent actions taking over my thoughts as I ramble to him- trying to prove myself.

“Your shirt is like almost completely unbuttoned, and I think [y/n] noticed. I believe you, you know I’ll always be on your side but I can’t say the same for her. She’s really hurt.” He sighs, as he tries his best to stay neutral. I can’t even begin to imagine Sam trying to console her because of my actions. Because I’ve hurt her again.

“Let’s go to the hotel, okay? You need some sleep, I need some too. We’re going to figure this out in the morning.” Sam suggests and I nod, we then leave and take a long walk to the hotel.

_

“Taylor. We need to talk.” I catch my breath as we slow down. We’re in a staircase on the other side of the venue- alone.

“I don’t want to talk” She starts, as she pushes me against the wall, her hands on my shoulders. “I want to fuck, I know you miss it.” She adds and my breath hitches, my heart hurting.

“No, Taylor, I need closure. Why didn’t you tell me about you and Josh?” I ask softly and she ignores my question, her hands travelling my shirt’s buttons and unbuttoning it slowly.

“We need to talk.” I repeat but she ignores me, getting down to her knees as her hands are on my belt now. I place my hands on top of hers and take them off.

“No. I don’t want to talk. I don’t need to talk. I need you, so either shut up and fuck me or leave.” She responds dryly and stands up- looking up at me with an annoyed look. I gasp and redo the buckle on my pants and push her away softly.

“You don’t care. At all.” I say in disbelief and she just bites her bottom lip, the expression in her face not changing.

“Why did you come to the room then, you wanted us to see you.” I state and she doesn’t answer, but simply starts kissing my neck. I push her off gently and take a moment to look in her eyes.

“I wanted Josh to run after me.” She replies and I scoff in disbelief.

“Fuck you, Taylor.” Is all I can say before walking away from her- my thoughts immediately going to [y/n] and how hurt she must be.

_

I wake up to Sammy’s soft snoring in the hotel bed next to mine. I go to the bathroom, splashing some cold water on my face- my eyes all swollen from yesterday. I close them and take a deep breath, thinking about what I can do to fix things, to tell her nothing happened, to apologize a million times.

To tell her how much I love her.

Chapter 16 : End.

I watch Jake leave with Sam, and look down at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers.

“She’s probably much better than me” I say softly and Josh places his hand on my arm.

“She isn’t. She was not good to both of us. Sam is going to talk to Jake, okay? What you need right now is some rest.” Josh says softly and I nod in agreement.

I walk into my hotel room, Josh behind me with his hand on my back.

“Goodnight, [y/n]. I’m only a door away if anything- okay?” he says sweetly and I find him so cute in this moment.

I thank him and he pulls me in for a hug, I hug back and then step away, i wave at him before walking into my hotel room and locking the door.

-

Our five days of break from tour were over, and I didn’t spend any of it with the boys. I spent it exploring the city, doing some self care. I even got my hair done, shorter. I like it that way. Almost cutting off the pain Jake left me with. It was libererating to spend this special time with myself, with my thoughts and music playing loudly in my ears as the city discovered itself to me.

We were now getting ready to leave and get on the road, a three hour trip away. I walk in the tour bus and sit in the back- Sam accompanies me and sits facing me.

“Hey, [y/n].” He smiles softly, he looked tired- almost sad?

“Hi, Sammy. Are you okay?” I ask and he nods.

“You cut your hair!” he exclaims, changing the subject and I nod, brushing my fingers through it. He stares at it for a couple seconds and smiles softly again.

“I love it. You look so pretty” Sam smiles.

“Thank you, Sammy. I needed a change.” I thank him and look out the window.

“Listen.. I wanted to talk to you about” he hesitates. I look back at him. “Jake. If it’s okay” he finishes, letting out a little sigh.

“It’s okay.” I respond and sigh, the heartbreak brought back in my heart. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“Nothing happened.” He pauses, rubbing the underneath of his eye with the back of his hand, then passing his fingers in his hair softly, ruffling it up a little. “He needed closure, she tried but he pushed her away.” He adds.

I can’t help but tear up at his words, thinking of another girl on my boyfriend’s body- trying to touch him and please him.

“He wants to talk to you, apologize.” Sam says and places his free hand on mine, which was on the table between us.

“Where is he?” I ask and look around the bus, Josh is asleep in one of the bunks and Daniel is in front talking with the driver. The worry starts to set in as we’ve already started driving and Jake isn’t here. I look over to Sam and he smiles softly, reassuring me.

“He rented a car and decided to make the drive himself- to clear his head he said.” Sam says softly and I nod.

“I told him I love him, Sammy. And he ran after someone else.” I sigh, tearing up again and Sam sighs.

“I know, I know [y/n]. It sucks. But I’ve talked to him and he really wants to talk to you.” He says and I nod, wiping the tear from my cheek.

-

I step out the bus and stretch my legs, my back, my arms. Sammy does the same and we giggle a little at our funny movements.

“Fuck it feels so good to stretch” I sigh in relief and he agrees.

The boy’s bodyguards lead us to our rooms, they already had our room keys. Sam and I make our way into the elevator with the security guard, they lead us to our rooms.

As I swipe my card into the lock of the room, I smell something floral. I look behind me and the security guard is gone. My heartbeat begins racing, and my fingers shake as they wrap around the door handle and push open the door. Expecting the unexpected.

I walk in and I’m met with dozens, no, hundreds of red roses all over the room, petals on the floor. My eyes take in all the redness coating the floor and the walls; then Jake in a black suit standing before the bed.

“[y/n].” He says softly. He held another rose in his hand with a soft grip, looking into my eyes with a soft smile.

“Jake.. woah. You did this?” I gasp at the beautiful floral decor surrounding us. I take a couple more steps forward until the only thing between us is his red rose.

“I know I hurt you. I know what I did is unforgivable. I won’t ask you to forgive me, only to listen to me please.” He starts. He had his hair down, he looked like he even styled it. He was so beautiful.

“You are the woman for me, [y/n]. When I go to bed, I think of you. You are the reason I wake up everyday and decide to continue this. Continue living my life. You’ve saved me.” He places a strand of my hair behind my ear. He grabs my hand softly and spins me so I sit on the bed, he sits next to me and holds my hands in his.

“I’m so grateful that you’ve made your way in my life, and every day I wish I could make it up to you. You are the reason for my every breath, my every thought. I.. I love you. I love you so much and I have from the beginning. I should’ve stayed in the room with you. I was stupid, I needed closure. And I know I hurt you. I’m so, so sorry [y/n]. I love you.” He says softly and I tear up at his words, his voice being faint and fragile. I grab his face and kiss him, forgiving him. He did all this for me, and I needed to put this behind us.

I climb over him, straddling his lap as we keep kissing, his hands travel to my back.

“I love you. I love you.” He repeats softly over and over as my lips travel to his neck, and my hand makes its way to his crotch, feeling his hard length underneath my fingers.

“Fuck.. you’re hard already.” I breathe out and he smiles embarrassedly. “No, I missed you. I’ve needed you.” I catch up my words and he smiles at my response.

He picks me up and spins me around; throwing me on the bed covered by rose petals. I don’t waste a second to rip off my shirt, then undoing my pants as he gets naked as well.

“You missed me?” He asks, climbing over me on the bed, leaving soft kisses on my stomach.

“Lets fix that” He says, before licking a long, wet stroke up my slit. I breathe out and push myself down on him, needing the contact. I can feel myself dripping already as his mouth does wonders for me, he devours me with such good attention that I need him inside me now. “Fuck, you taste so fucking good. And that haircut looks so good on you. god- I need you.” he breathes out.

I grab a fistful of his hair and pull him up, he follows instantly, leaving kisses along my body. He doesn’t need me to say anything, the look in my eyes begging for him already. He lines up his cock with my entrance and pushes it in; it slides in like a hand in a glove. Perfectly. He groans at the contact and I tighten myself around him. I missed the feeling of his dick, of his body, of his lips against mine right now.

The pure sensation of missing him already makes me close, as he’s fucking me so fast right now; the slapping noise taking over the silence of the room.

“I love you so fucking much.” He thrusts between each word, his voice a low raspiness as his brown eyes stare into my soul. I pull him closer and kiss him, hard. The feeling of his lips sending shivers down my spine and teases my orgasm.

He alters between slow, wet strokes and fast ones, his cock taking me so nicely. I look into his eyes and wrap my arms around his back, the feeling of his length filling me up and making me feel so whole. I love him, so much. I love his cock, so much. I squeeze around him and my legs begin to shake.

“You’re already close, pretty girl?” He moans in my mouth and I nod, my hands scratching his back. “Me too, give it to me. I love you, fuck, cum on my cock.” He groans in my ear and I listen, I listen so well. My walls tighten against his hard length and my orgasm washes over me, causing me to moan out his name loudly. He pulls me close and the warmth of his cum filling me up. He thrusts a couple more times, riding out his orgasm before pulling out.

“I love you so much, Jake” I sigh, hugging him tight. He pulls me close with his free hand.

“I love you, pretty girl.” He sighs, and I can sense the happiness coming from his voice. I fall asleep in his arms.

-five years later-

I flatten down the white material of my dress, everyone is expecting me now. The sound of everyone speaking to each other in the room before me. I take a deep breath, closing for my eyes for a second. I then feel my father’s presence next to me, I wrap my arm around his and he gives me a reassuring smile.

The doors open and I’m faced with the beautiful cream-coloured venue, white roses all over the place. All the guests stand and I smile shyly, taking my first steps into the room with my father by my side. I feel too nervous to look at Jake, I wonder if he can see me through everyone in the crowd.

As we make our way to the front, there he is. He wore a black fitted suit which made his body look incredible, his hair tied back, he had the softest smile, and his eyes were teary. That is my man, my future husband. The love of my life. I stand before him and he wipes a tear from his left eye, the biggest smile on his face.

“Hi” I whisper to him.

“Hi” He whispers back softly, and he looks so in love. There’s this sort of twinkle in his eye, this difference in his smile. Behind him are Josh, Sam and Daniel. They have big smiles on their faces.

Sam especially, he held a tissue in his hand as he teared up like his brother. Holding his free hand was Jake and I’s three-year-old son, wearing a little black suit. There was so much love in this room it was almost overwhelming.

I finish telling my vows and I can tell Jake is trying not to cry, his eyes red and teary. I wish I could hug him, show him all this love I have for him, but it would disturb the ceremony and I need to be his wife, I can’t wait.

“[y/n]… from the first moment I met you, I fell in love. I knew you were the one, from the moment we were in that elevator. You were so nervous; it was almost as if it was your first day of work.” He chuckles, reading off a small paper in his hand. “We shared a moment that day, and I don’t know if you remember. I told you not to be scared, maybe you were intimidated- I don’t know. What I should’ve done was told you to be scared, because falling in love is scary. But when I’m with you, I’m not afraid of anything. You’ve made me into the man I am today.” He wipes another tear.

I’m already crying my makeup off silently by now.

“I should’ve told you that day that I was taking a leap, letting you into my heart. I didn’t care about anything else that day, only the way you watched me play in the studio. I could tell we connected on a level that was deeper than emotional; we had a soul connection. And you, [y/n], you own a piece of my soul. You own a part of me that I’ve gladly handed off to you. Just like how you’re a part of me.” He sighs, looking into my eyes with the softest look.

“You’re the first person I ever let listen to my new riffs, even when I haven’t figured them out myself. I trust you with everything, with my heart, my life. You are everything to me, and I love you so much. I take you [y/n y/l/n] to be my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live.” He smiles, holding my hand with his free one.

We share our kiss in front of everyone, the officiant announcing us as husband and wife for the very first time. And that was the most non-hesitant ‘I do’ of my life.

And through everything we have lived, the different worlds we experienced apart, we had created our own universe. The one of Jake and I.

{@sarakay-gvf @positivegvfthings @brokenbells11 @krystalm98 @shutupdevvie @milkgemini @jordierama @​​maddie-van-fleet @writingcold @gretavanfleas @jakes-eyebrows @spark-my-nature @lek-gvf @rad-space-princess @joshkiszkatoothgap @hippievanfleet @objectsinspvce @gvfficrecs @ageoffleet @welllauragvf @weightofstar @groupiegirlie08 @fwzco @nicoleghost18 @andromeda-raine-gvf @sarrrahhh @ren-ni @zoe-tally06 @hellowgoodbye @aminaalilyy @spinthehemmo @hippievanfleet @streamofgvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @gvfpal @gvfmarge @jakeygvf21 @Timeless—classics @mackalah @myleftsockisnotmine-blog @bubblyjake @valvebone @lexii-nv-c @mp0801 @hellowgoodbye @girldonttryme @risingwiththeheatabove @fakeplastiqtree @beckahvanfleet }

[l4ndon0rris]

Cruel Summer: LN4

part one

Pairing: Lando Norris x singer!OC Isabella Rose Word count: 2.4k a/n: it has been a while since i have written anything so uhh i hope the lando girlies enjoy this treat of something that was itching in my brain!! lmk if you want to be tagged for future uploads of this and any feedback ilu Masterlist

Monaco // May

The beachfront bar was full of bodies clamouring for attention as the music played over the speakers. People were singing, some danced, flowing through conversations and drink alike. It was Sunday evening after the Monaco grand prix, the sun setting left a hazy hue of gold cast through the bar and across the faces of the bustling bodies throughout.

Izzy made her way through a throng of people, politely throwing a sorry over either shoulder as she avoided standing on feet beneath her or spilling the cocktail in hand over anyone in the vicinity. Nobody seemed to notice her awkwardly stepping through their conversation as she made it into an open space. Glancing around she saw a few familiar faces but didn’t want to intrude on any conversations that everyone seemed to be indulging in. Times like this only elevated the exceptional feeling of being lonely in a crowded room, it never mattered how many people knew her name, nobody knew her.

A pair of old team-mates sat perched next to one another enjoying people watching and gossiping like schoolchildren at some sights before them, though they were quite a sight themselves with matching hibiscus flowers adorned in their hair. Lando was allowing himself to relax after finishing P9, crossing the finish line of Monaco unscathed was an achievement in itself and he accepted his two points. Daniel was searching through his phone to show Lando a funny video from one of his latest excursions in his newly found free time when Lando had eyed up someone in the crowd.

“Omygod, mate, is that who I think it is?” Lando’s mouth was slightly agape as he shuffled in his seat to try and get a better view to confirm his suspicions. “Oh, mate, I think it is,” Lando’s voice hit a high pitch that could rival Mariah Carey which indicated to Daniel his younger friend’s excitement increasing at the sight of whoever Lando had spotted.

“Who are you getting excited over?” Daniel’s eyebrows knotted together as he tried to spot someone who would get Lando so giddy.

“Isabella Rose,” Lando enunciated the name in a whisper to express the importance, never taking his eyes off the girl stood alone, lips pursed around a brightly coloured straw. Daniel leaned slightly across Lando and saw her too, letting out a loud laugh at his friend’s reaction.

“You talking about Izzy?” Lando’s eyes bulged out of his head when he heard Daniel’s shortened version of her name which only encouraged Daniel to laugh more. “Oh, let’s get her over here, she’s on her own-”

“That’s Isabella Rose, mate, you can’t just drag her over,” Lando spoke over Daniel, a nervous laugh when he spotted Daniel’s arm already in the air waving.

“Iz! Over here,” Izzy followed her name in the direction it came from and seen a familiar friendly face of Daniel Ricciardo sat with his trademark goofy grin and gangly arm waving around in the air. Relief swept over her as she no longer had to drown in amongst the bodies and noise of an unknown crowd.

Lando fidgeted in his seat squeaking out an omygod as he saw Isabella Rose walking in their direction. “Someone a little nervous,” Daniel teased him while he opened his arms ready to engulf Izzy in a hug.

Lando’s reaction was something of a norm when someone has achieved the level of fame Izzy has. Isabella Rose was the official name emblazon on merchandise that sold millions worldwide, it was the name of her self-titled debut album that went number one in various countries, the name that was yelled at her through flashes of paparazzi at red carpets, the name that those who did not know her knew her by. Izzy was the girl stripped away behind all of the mayhem who simply got lucky doing what she loved, making music: ‘ever since she could talk, she sang’ was her grandmothers trusted phrase.

“Danny, thank you for rescuing me,” Izzy welcomed the warm hug stepping out of it and giving a tight-lipped smile to the young male sat beside him. Izzy recognised him instantly, Formula One was her biggest interest outside of singing but she often refrained herself from not allowing people the chance to introduce themselves. It was something she was victim to regularly, it made most conversations feel as though she was playing catch-up – they knew her, her achievements, her news and she knew nothing of the other person. “Iz – this is Lando,” Daniel gave a tight squeeze to Lando’s shoulder which erupted a nervous giggle from Lando’s smile that was noticeable by all three of them but polite as ever, went unmentioned. “Iz was at the race today,” Daniel continued to try and encourage any form of words to leave Lando who looked bewitched by Izzy’s presence.

“I was; in Mercedes garage though, sorry,” Izzy grimaced in jest at the mention of rooting for the opposition. Lando was still frozen, unsure of what noise would come out if he opened his mouth, quite literally lost for words. “You’ll have to get your boss to invite me to McLaren, I was on tour when this one was your teammate,” Izzy nodded her head toward Daniel but was looking at Lando as she spoke.

Lando cleared his throat before he finally spoke, clinging onto a glimmer of confidence and his humorous nature somewhere in him, “yeah, you’d look good in papaya.”

Daniel took his opportune moment to leave now Lando had finally remembered how to talk, “I’ll get us more beers, mate,” winking at Izzy as he left the two of them together.

The air between them felt thick, mostly due to Lando’s nervous energy and Izzy not knowing if she was going to get any conversation out of him, “I see you’re rocking some of Danny’s new merch.” Her manicured nail gently touched the Enchante logo on his chest, Lando wouldn’t be surprised if there was now a scorched hole in the top from her touch as it sent his entire nerves alight.

“He’s got the bottoms on, gave me the top – so we’re matching,” Lando elaborated trying to distract himself from the goosebumps that stood on his arms despite the sun being high in the sky.

“Romantic, could even inspire a song,” Izzy joked earning a light giggle from Lando.

“My merch is much better though,” Lando tried to impress the stunning megastar who – much to his own disbelief - he was somehow engaged in a conversation with.

Izzy smiled, another tight-lipped polite smile, “I have a feeling you wouldn’t like mine much, typically comes adorned with rhinestones and glitter. Although, now I think – I remember you sporting something similar in Miami last year,” Lando’s hand ran across his dipped head, his attempt at avoiding looking at Isabella as the embarrassment swelled in his entire body.

“That was all Danny, I would never have agreed to it,” trying to play it cool as he thought back to the internet’s reaction to those images that Isabella Rose had even witnessed. The goosebumps tingled under his skin as she took a long sip of her drink, Lando could feel their conversation dwindling away from him. “How do you know Danny?”

“He was at one of my first shows years ago in some dingy bar,” Lando gave a knowing look, imagining Danny scouring bars playing live music off the beaten track. “He claims he’s not a fan ever since I got popular, though,” Izzy rolled her eyes dramatically.

Lando laughed, “he’s too cool for what is cool.” The pair laughed in harmony at Daniel’s expense both knowing exactly what he was like.

Another momentary pause in conversation appeared, this time it was Izzy who fought to carry on engaging with the young driver. Her mind cast back to the images of Lando and Daniel in Miami: she remembered he was cute, of course in good shape as any athlete would be but sat here now with his unruly curls and noticing a slight plumpness to his pink lips she was thankful for Daniel for calling her over. “I like your flower,” Izzy gestured toward her own hair which was almost glowing golden in the sunlight. Lando instinctively mirrored her gesture, touching the hibiscus flower that Daniel had placed behind his ear an hour earlier.

“You can have it if you like-”

Izzy protested; her smile stretched upon her lips. Izzy’s senses suddenly kicked in; she felt an uncomfortable prickling down one side from someone having no regard for her privacy. Taking a quick glance over her shoulder she saw a phone held up within the crowd, no doubt trying to disguise itself as taking a picture of the person in front of them but failing incredibly at being discreet. Lando noticed her stiffen, taking another long sip from her drink and her gaze dropping out toward the beach behind him. He followed where she had momentarily looked, noticing the same phone held up in their direction, thankful that the long sip was not a result of an awkward silence this time. “It’s alright, I get that a lot too,” Lando assured.

Izzy gave a gentle smile, repositioning herself so only her back would be in view of the phone pointed at them. Lando dismissed her apologies politely, part of her felt slightly embarrassed she had assumed the attention was for herself when she was currently on his turf.

As if on cue Daniel returned with beers for himself and Lando, “they’re probably warm now, been trying to get through for ages,” he quipped as he sat back down. “I did grab my camera though,” holding it up to his face Daniel enthusiastically yelled ‘cheers’, the three clinking glasses together. Lando was certain Isabella had locked eyes with him as they sat their drinks back down.

“Thank you for the company but I better head back to the hotel,” Izzy set down an empty cocktail glass. Daniel’s face dropped disappointingly having spent most of his time at the bar and winding through various conversations on his way back instead of with his friend.

“Alright, but next time – all night! Round two!” Daniel guffawed, Lando looked between the two friends who were silently laughing about whatever happened during ‘round one’ he was unaware of.

“Not round two,” Izzy batted off Daniel’s reference with a roll of her eyes and a playful smile on her lips. Lando was entranced by her glowing face in the sunlight and curious as to what the story was; as though she read his mind Izzy continued, “and do not utter a word of that night when I leave, thank you.”

The friends shared a goodbye and Izzy gave a polite wave to Lando before stepping off the decking onto the beach toward her hotel. The feeling of loneliness swept over her again as she walked along the beach, a mixture of sand and pebbles between her toes, gazing out at the setting sun over the ocean. The years of travelling the world had begun grateful and overcome with wonder but lately had turned into wonders that she wished to share with someone else.

Lando was sputtering about how he had just spent time with the Isabella Rose, how nice she was, how nice her smile was, how funny she was. Daniel allowed him to continue with his eyebrows raising higher on his forehead as he went on knowing his friend was more lovestruck than starstruck. Lando suddenly jumped off his seat, “one minute mate-” he was on the beach, sand underfoot calling after a figure in the distance. “Isabella… Isabella…!” He begrudgingly yelled the name Daniel had called her by all night, “Izzy!” But on that final call of her preferred name she turned to find the curly haired tanned Lando slightly jogging across the beach toward her.

Habitually her hand reached to her bag strap on her shoulder checking she had picked it up and then inside the bag feeling for her phone that was also there. Confused for his reason for chasing her down the beach she stood waiting as Lando caught up with her and let out a breathy “hey…”, Izzy echoed his word back at him.

Lando was suddenly overcome with an incredible feeling of stupidity, he was now stood in front of Isabella Rose with nothing of importance to say after struggling to speak to her at all earlier. “Here,” Lando reached for the hibiscus flower in his hair and removed it holding it out between himself and Isabella. Izzy looked between the flower and Lando, a small smile gracing her lips, she slowly reached up and took the flower from his fingers before placing it behind her ear. Lando’s confidence had reappeared, he gently retrieved a piece of Isabella’s golden hair caught on the flower and freed it to frame her face, momentarily taking the opportunity to admire the girl stood in front of him. Izzy’s chest rose at the small moment between them, now she was the one who could not find the words caught in her throat as Lando locked eyes with her. “Next time you’ll be in papaya… or my merch,” Lando’s charming smile dazzled Izzy on the spot. She gave him a goodbye as he turned but it was so quiet she doubted he heard it as he head back down to the beachfront bar.

Izzy stood for a moment releasing a breathe she was unaware she was holding before she turned in the opposite direction back where she was headed. Stunned by the intimate moment she shook her head though trying to rid her thoughts that were swirling about the young driver. Nerves, no, butterflies – she smiled, it was a feeling she hadn’t had in so long. Touching the flower that sat on her head her smile grew wider and the swirls in her stomach fluttered. It was unlike her to not be able to find her voice but that was a side effect of Lando’s gaze that lingered a moment longer than she expected. She had felt him look at her, really look at her, not as global superstar Isabella Rose but for who she truly was. Knowing how ludicrous she was being as she looked out to the sunset once more, she again gave a shake trying to snap herself from the trance Lando had put her in. Not allowing herself to linger in the moment any longer she confidently strode down the beach, hotel in sight. She was Isabella Rose.

daniel3.jpg monaco nights

Liked by landonorris, isabellarose and others

isabellarose: a quiet one for a change x           isabellafan1: omg Ricciardo and Isabella???           drfans: theyre good friends!! :) landonorris: ILL BRING YOU FLOWERS IN THE POURING RAIN           landocontent: u okay hun rosesforever: the Isabella x F1 crossover we all need           bellasroses: release the footage!!!

continue: part two

[sysakiddo]

just Max with his cold intelligence and Daniel with his charming manipulation as diplomatic rockstars, living their best life in Paris

sequel of this 

Daniel has lived in many places throughout his life. He knew what it was like to wake up to the sun filling the room in Italy. He saw the cherries blossom in Japan. He learned to cook hundreds of dishes only using potatoes and cabbage in Eastern Europe. In London, he learned to predict rain by looking at the sky for a minute and seeing how the clouds moved. Daniel knew what made people in the US warm up to him, how smiley he had to be to seem polite but not overly so. He knew Australia like the back of his hand. Its seemingly never-ending bushes and the smell of dry earth followed him wherever he went. 

Daniel called their apartment in Paris home very proudly. It took ages for them to move out of their respective apartments in the embassies.

The building had no elevator, and because the apartment was on the fifth floor, Max bitched about it whenever he was made to come up with tote bags full of groceries. They agreed to stay in the 16th arrondissement even though it meant the neighbours scrunched up their noses whenever they heard Daniel's strong accent when he spoke French. It was easier for Max to pass as French. He never smiled at strangers like Dan did.

Max gets home first. Daniel insisted on going to a small grocery store on the corner of their street before coming up. The lights in the living room and kitchen are on when he enters. Max made sure all of them had warm lightbulbs. He did not believe in cold light.

The gramophone from the corner of their living room, last year's birthday gift to Max, is playing Schostakowitsch's 7th Symphony. Daniel got good at assessing Max's mood solely based on which music he chose to listen to. That's how Daniel immediately knows Max is in a good mood. He puts the ice cream tube on the kitchen table and tugs his tie loose.

He finds Max in the bathroom, already brushing his teeth, wearing only a white shirt and shorts he usually sleeps in. Daniel catches his eyes in the mirror reflection, baring his teeth in a wicked smile. Max spits out the toothpaste and Daniel crowds him in, slipping his cold hands under his shirt, making him flinch.

“I already showered.” Max bitches like Dan did not notice the water dripping from his hair onto his shirt. He still turns into putty under Daniel's hands when he pushes into his shoulders, bending him over the sink. He lets Daniel fuck him right in the bathroom. After, he grumbles and whines until Daniel rewashes his hair with conditioner and a massage.

He looks smug when he is reading a book in their bed later. He waits for Daniel to turn up in his pyjamas when he hears suspicious sounds from the kitchen. “What are you doing?” he hollers, sighing. Daniel is too restless for his own good sometimes.

He turns up a minute later with two small bowls in his hands.

It's ice cream, strawberry and vanilla. Max was annoyed that the restaurant they were in had only lemon flavoured one and ordered a crème brûlée instead. Still, Daniel heard 'of course the only legitimate dessert is ice cream, Daniel,'  whatever that meant, too many times to know Max wasn't content with the last course of the dinner.

“Here you go,” Daniel handed him his bowl. “You deserve it, eh? It went really well.”

Max nods, smirking a bit. “Oh, they absolutely hated you!” Cheeky bastard. Daniel rolls his eyes but doesn't disagree.

“They weren't thrilled about the idea of you being fine with putting your dick near mine, either.”

“Was it the wedding band that gave it away?” Max laughs wholeheartedly. He doesn't care, knows the meeting went well enough. He will have a good day at work tomorrow. They eat the ice cream in silence. After finishing, the older takes their bowls to the kitchen but doesn't put them in the washing machine. In his head, he can already see Max telling him off for it in the morning.

The lights are already out for some time when he gathers enough courage to finally say it.

“They offered China to me,” he whispers and in the quiet of the room, he can clearly hear Max's breath hitch. Max lights up the light on his side of the bed immediately, fully awake now.

“What?”

Daniel scooches closer to him, reaching out for his hand. Max pulls away wordlessly.

“They called me on Monday. I'd stay for four years, starting this August.”

Max looks white as a sheet, eyebrows twitching in confusion. “But-” he starts, then gulps audibly. Daniel hadn't seen him this perturbed in ages. “I. Uh. The Netherlands doesn't have a vacancy in Beijing for another two years.”

Daniel nods. He already double-checked. “Oh.” Max is freaking out when he gets it. He can feel his hands tremble and quickly shows them under his thighs. “You want to go without me.”

“No!” Daniel tries to touch his arm again, desperate to form a physical connection between them. “No, of course not.”

“But they won't give me the place now, Daniel,” he repeats. He never showed any interest in becoming an ambassador in China before. If he knew Daniel wanted to-

“What do you-” Max's eyes are wide and like this, he looks a lot younger than he actually is. Daniel feels a pang in his chest at seeing Max so vulnerable. “Oh my god.”

Daniel has had enough, sitting up and pulling Max into his lap.

“Stop freaking out. I just want to talk about it.” He snakes a hand around his torso, pulling him impossibly closer. Max clings to him, scrunching Daniel's shirt between his fingers helplessly.

“How am I not supposed to freak out? You want me to become a fucking Julia Child.”

Daniel giggles, can't help himself. “Oh, baby,” he coos. “I'm not telling you to become anything. I am not even telling you I'm going to Beijing.”

Max huffs. “You would be a fool to say no.”

The thing is, though, what is there after Paris for him? They both reached their professional goals: they first met as freshly appointed ambassadors in Washington and were lucky enough to be sent to Paris simultaneously. Both Daniel and Max were two for two in other diplomats' wet dreams - the States and France on their CVs.

Of course, it was foolish of them not to talk about what would happen after they had to return. Max knew it but he was sure they had time, still more than a year before the dreaded date. In his mind, Daniel was prepared to finish his career on a high note. Max eyed Tel Aviv next, and selfishly, he thought Danny would look magnificent in the Israeli sun. By his side.

“I'm old, Max,” he says now. “I think this is the last chance-”

“Oh, fuck off, Daniel. Stop acting like you are a grandpa or something.” He knew what Daniel talked about, though. He would never say this out loud, but he considered Daniel's retirement after Paris a sure thing.

Danny smiles and runs his hands through the blonde's hair.

“It wouldn't be the worst, no? You being the ambassador's husband-”

Max rolls his eyes. “Well, who am I now?”

He sacrificed so much to get where he is. If his father found out he so much as thought about giving it all up for a man he still refused to shake hands with- Max physically recoils at the thought.

Daniel knows how crazy what he wants from Max sounds. “You hated Bejing when we went,” Max says, absentmindedly running his fingers along the tattoo on Daniel's biceps, the one he got in a small tattoo parlour during their stay there. They got robbed on their way back to the hotel.

He sounds so lost Danny squeezes him even more tightly.

“I hated Paris, too.” he shrugs. Max understands. The best part of Paris is the fact that Daniel is there.

He gulps again, the rational part of his brain finally kicking in. “That would make me. Unemployed, I guess.”

“I am not saying it must be like that, Maxy. We could switch after four years. I will surely retire by then. I would be the best trophy wife, don't you think? Grey and hot as hell.”

Max smiles despite being too shocked to do anything else than answer with a shrug.

Daniel kisses him goodnight. “We will figure something out,”

It takes him another hour to fall asleep. His dreams are full of the booming sound of Daniel's laugh, steely blue eyes filled with disappointment and busy Chinese streets.

third part 

[crazykuroneko]

Interview with the Vampire Q&A w/ Composer Daniel Hart | AMC Talk | AMC

[astrangetorpedo]

CATHERINE MARKS: BOYGENIUS, MANCHESTER ORCHESTRA, AND FINDING EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

by Daniel Gumble | 4/22/24

Award-winning producer Catherine Marks sits down with Headliner to reflect on a whirlwind start to 2024, the magic that went into boygenius’s the record, and how her enduring relationship with Manchester Orchestra has taught her the importance of unlocking true “emotional freedom”in the studio…

“It’s been a crazy start to the year,” Catherine Marks exhales as she joins us via Zoom from her London home on a bright, early-Spring morning in late March. “I keep thinking it’s September or something.” In reality, it’s a month to the day until the 2024 MPG Awards ceremony, which will see Marks fighting on three fronts for a trio of highly coveted gongs. This year she’s up for Producer of the Year (an award she won in 2018) and Mix Engineer of the Year, while the record by indie rock ‘supergroup’ boygenuis, produced by Marks, is shortlisted for Album of the Year. Taking place on April 25th at The Troxy in London, the night will provide the Australian-born, London-based producer a rare moment to reflect on what has been one of the busiest and most fruitful spells of her career so far.

In the first quarter of 2024, she’s been hopping between continents to work across a number of new records, while also squeezing in a visit to the Grammys and the Resonator Awards, where her work on the widely lauded the record was deservedly recognised. At the Grammys, boygenius won Best Alternative Music Album, as well as Best Rock Performance and Best Rock Song for Not Strong Enough, while the band themselves presented Marks with the Powerhouse Award at The Resonator Awards in recognition of her work on the album. “I definitely felt like I was invited to the cool kids’ party by accident,” she laughs.

As those who have spent time with Marks will attest, she is excellent company. In conversation she is entertaining, thoughtful, and insightful, not to mention generous with her time, as evidenced by her almost apologetic disclaimer at the start of our conversation that she is battling through illness to talk to us. Still, she’s happy to speak at length about the year she’s had and what’s been keeping her busy in the first quarter of 2024.

“I started an album at the end of December with a band called Divorce and the day after we finished, I flew to LA, and the Resonator Awards were the day after that,” she says. “It was this intense period, and I don’t feel like I’ve really taken stock of that week in LA and meeting all those amazing people. And having already done a full album, it’s crazy! “It’s been a real whirlwind.”

The recognition Marks has received not just in the US but around the world for her work with boygenius certainly appears to have shifted the dial on her career. She was already a highly sought after, multi-award-winning producer and engineer, having cut her teeth with studio icons Flood and Alan Moulder and cultivating a client list that includes, to name a few, the likes of Foals, Alanis Morissette, Wolf Alice, Frank Turner, The Big Moon, and Manchester Orchestra, with whom she has become a regular collaborator.

We were both holding back tears… it was one of those magic moments.

However, when three of indie rock’s most celebrated songwriters, Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker, and Lucy Dacus decided to join forced under the boygenius moniker, few could have predicted the extent of acclaim and success their debut album the record would achieve. Their self-titled 2018 EP was met with critical acclaim, but offered little indication that their first full-length release five years later would go on to top multiple charts, scoop a raft of awards, and make the upper reaches of countless 2023 album of the year lists.

The iconography of the trio also elevated the record beyond the realm of the side project. From the album artwork, through to their already legendary take on Nirvana’s 1994 Rolling Stone magazine cover, which saw the band kitted out in pin-striped business suits, everything about the project felt synonymous with a bona fide band, rather than something that existed on the periphery of each member’s full-time solo career.

“They wanted me to mix their first EP, but the timings didn’t work out, as I was working with Manchester Orchestra,” Marks explains, recalling the origins of her relationship with the group. “And they reached out to me because of my work with Manchester Orchestra. There was a lot of mutual love and respect for those guys. But I had a meeting with them via Zoom and that was the first time we’d seen each other’s faces, and that was when we spoke about making an album together.”

While the ‘supergroup’ concept that shrouds the boygenius project is something that Bridgers, Baker, and Dacus were acutely aware of, Marks says that there was no discussion of the matter in the studio. As she puts it, the sessions were very much akin to recording a band, as opposed to three solo artists coming together.

“I don’t think that the ‘supergroup’ aspect was ever a real consideration, as they are all just really great friends and love each other very much,” Marks affirms. “As far as songwriting is concerned, they had written individually but had also gone away to work on them together before we started making the album. They treated it very much like a band where three people were bringing songs in, and they were critiquing each other’s music and lyrics. There was a lot of collaboration.”

Despite the collaborative spirit that fuelled the sessions, the task of weaving a cohesive whole from three distinct creative voices was one that hung heavily on Marks’s shoulders.

“We all knew it had to be a cohesive album,” she states. “That was something that was on my mind, but I don’t think it was ever articulated. Somehow the aesthetic of the album feels really consistent, yet each of their individual identities still shines through. It weighed heavily on my mind, but through the power of magic it turned out to be a cohesive record [laughs]. A lot of the other collaborators and musicians that worked on the album also helped to create this consistent sonic thread that runs all the way through it.

“We spent the first three- or four-days doing pre-production and working out how wanted everything to feel, so we were collectively conscious of making sure there was a flow to the album,” she continues, describing how they set the tone for the sessions. “We had a ‘wall of dreams’ that we would throw ideas at and we would write down particular influences and then see if there were other songs that fitted that aesthetic. There were relationships and interconnections between each song. That’s something I do on other records too. But they were so militant I don’t think they would have let anything veer off track.”

They were the toughest customers I’d worked with. I underestimated the challenge.

When reflecting on the most memorable moments shared between herself and the band (“there are too many to mention”), Marks is reminded of an especially poignant moment shared with Dacus when working on one of the album’s many highlights, We’re In Love.

“Lucy and I arrived the night before everyone else to start work on the album, and she played me this song,” says Marks. “There wasn’t really a structure to it, but there was this stunning, gorgeous melody that I was so moved by. Throughout the course of the time we were at the studio she carried on working at it. I had been saying I think it absolutely needs to be on the album, but it doesn’t feel finished yet. So, she worked really hard at it and performed it for me, and I thought it was beautiful.

“Anyway, on the day that we ended up recording it, it was still light outside and it was just her and I in the studio, and she played it just on the acoustic guitar in the control room. I had a couple of mics set up, and there was this beautiful light streaming in, and you can sort of hear at the end she chokes up, as I did. We were both holding back tears… it was just one of those magic moments. It was all about the performance, not recording the guitar and then adding the vocals over the top. She just put everything into this performance, and it was magical. That’s a really strong memory. But there were so many of those moments.”

As to whether or not the sessions offered any indication as to the rapturous response the record would be met with upon release, Marks takes a moment to consider her answer.

“I mean [pauses] it’s been next level,” she says. “I knew it would be significant. There are moments when you think back and get butterflies, like, I’m really a part of something special here. So, there is a kind of instinctive but intangible knowledge that you’re working on something special. And they are incredible characters. They are three of the best songwriters that exist today, so something had to go right!”

In looking back at the process of making the record and the spotlight it has drawn towards Marks and her oeuvre, our conversation gravitates toward some of the other records that have moved the needle on her career.

“Every record feels like that,” she states. “One of the most significant moments was engineering the Foals record (Holy Fire, 2013) with Flood and Alan Moulder. I was known within the industry from assisting in studios, but the success of that record put me on a lot of people’s radars. It was the next step from engineering into production on a commercial level.

“And there have been moments like working on Wolf Alice’s first EP (Moaning Lisa Smile, 2014), The Big Moon’s first record (Love In The 4th Dimension, 2017). And all the work I’ve done with Manchester Orchestra. I love working with them, and it seems like every band I work with LOVES Manchester Orchestra. My relationship and work with them has allowed me to learn so much and has enabled me to work with so many other artists.”

Marks’s work with Manchester Orchestra has undoubtedly been one of the defining features of her career. After producing the US rock outfit’s fifth album A Black Mile To The Surface (2017), she has become a regular and much loved collaborator, yet the harmonious relationship that has flourished between band and producer since was initially born from more tempestuous circumstances.

“On the first record we made together we were really at loggerheads,” she reveals. “They were the toughest customers I’d ever worked with. I underestimated how much of a challenge it would be. It was their fifth record, and I thought they’ll be very well versed in the process of making album, and it’ll just be really enjoyable and different to a lot of the first album projects I’d been working on. But I was really wrong, because they were putting so much pressure on themselves to make it the best album, they’d ever made, otherwise they were going to stop what they were doing. I didn’t anticipate that. Also, they are really polite, so it took about two weeks to get to the bottom of what needed to be done, and that really opened the floodgates.

“The way we communicate is so much freer now, which means it’s more about the creativity and the collaboration rather than the psychology. There are no minds games or personality challenges, we just accept each other for who we are and want to make amazing music.”

As we bid our farewells and allow Marks to return to nursing herself back to health before another imminent trip to LA to produce the new Rise Against album in April and another Manchester Orchestra record starting in May, she is keen to point out that those early moments of friction can not only yield positive results but can be essential in unlocking a project’s potential.

“I actually encourage that kind of discourse in the studio,” she signs off. “I want people to feel free to be however they want to be in order to express themselves. There should be chemistry and conversation. And those little tussles you have can reaffirm what you believe in. Obviously, I wouldn’t encourage aggression, but frustration and anger can be a part of that, and there is something exciting about that level of emotional freedom.”

(x)

[droughtofapathy]

The Gilded Age's Broadway Divas: Amber Gray (Bea)

While her Hadestown co-star Patrick Page is terrorizing workers' unions (as per usual), and her Comet co-star Denée Benton is the star of this show, Amber Gray gets one scene where she's terrorized by white men. As a restaurant proprietress, Amber enjoys an elevated place in society, all things considered. For plot reasons, Amber cannot enjoy this victory. Instead she gets manhandled and probably assaulted. Justice for her.

Amber Gray has enjoyed an eclectic career in the off-Broadway and fringe theatre spaces before making her Broadway debut in Great Comet alongside Denée Benton. She also originated Laurie in the pre-Broadway run of that reimagined Oklahoma revival of 2018, and has been Persephone in every iteration of Hadestown. She left Hadestown in 2022 after several years to join the Daniel Craig Macbeth happing just across the street. This last year, she has performed in the benefit concert of Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris in Tangier, and now delights audiences as the vapid and tech-obsessed Claudia Bursik-Zimmer in Sondheim's final musical, Here We Are playing at The Shed through mid-January.

Her character is only ever referred to as "Bea" by the white man who gets physical with her, and IMDb incorrectly attributes her character as the one she played in The Underground Railroad so I don't really know what we're doing here. God forbid HBO put end credits that list everyone and their characters.

#1: "Charming," Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812 (2016)

Released as a series of music videos on the show's youtube channel, this staging of Amber Gray's solo number is not what happens in the show, but it's fun, and fabulous, and I was obsessed. Amber's signature growl can be heard across her discography.

Playing Countess Hélène Bezukova, a "Queen of Society," she attempts to woo Natasha (played by Denée Benton) on behalf of her brother in this homoerotic little number.

#2: "Our Lady of the Underground," Hadestown (2019)

In a jazzy, capitalist critique adaptation of the classic Hades/Persephone & Orpheus/Eurydice myths, Hadestown is quite possibly Tumblr's most recognizable musical based on all the best musical polls that completely disregard-- You know, I won't get into it here.

Hadestown is a great musical. I've seen it twelve times (which was probably seven times too many, but 2019 was a weird time for me). Amber Gray is a marvel as Persephone, the disillusioned lush of a wife to Patrick Page's Hades. She was nominated for a Tony for Best Featured Actress in a Musical. And I'm not mad about who won, necessarily, but I would have cast my vote in Amber's box.

#3: Here We Are (2023)

Naysayers turn away because I loved Here We Are in all it's messy, unhinged, utterly deranged glory. With the death of Stephen Sondheim, it will never be fully finished, and the second act is almost entirely bereft of music, but I still consider the euphoria of sitting in that first preview audience and hearing the first notes of that music one of the best experiences I've ever had in a theatre.

As Claudia, Amber Gray is serving cunt and there is no other way to describe it. Now, I don't have the time nor the room to explain the plot of this show. Because of its style and lack of traditionally formatted songs, it's unlikely Here We Are will get a cast album, or that the score will become cabaret hits. Thus, we'll just have to work with the bootlegs I've clipped.

Also featured in the show is Tony-nominee Michaela Diamond, who played a non-speaking shopgirl in one scene during Gilded Age's first season.

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