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rev-1832 · 3 years

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please for the love of all fuck explain mcyt to me

Omg I've been waiting for this

So mcyt means minecraft youtube, but usually also includes Twitch streamers. It's like a in general thing, and not pointing to anything specific

But since you sound so confused, I'm gonna explain to you the Dream SMP lore 'cause why not

TL;DR: Chaos and war, basically also like a hamilton, heathers, and les mis crossover (but i mean if you want to understand everything you should read.)

If theres spelling mistakes, sorry

Note: Everyone on the smp has three canon lives, and when you loose all three you're canonically dead (except philza minecraft. he has one canon life bc hes known as the hardcore guy bc he had a minecraft hardcore series for 6 years until he was killed by a spider while trying to fight a baby zombie lmaoooooo)

IMPORTANT: THIS IS ALL RP. IRL THEY’RE ALL FRIENDS. THERES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PLAYER AND THE CHARACTER. THE RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T ACTUALLY TOGETHER IRL. ITS ALL THEIR CHARACTERS THAT THEY MADE UP. (obviously the best friends stuff are irl)

In the beginning there were 8: The Dream Team (Dream, Georgenotfound [the guy in my pfp btw :)] , Sapnap), Badboyhalo, Awesamdude, Ponk, Callahan, and Alyssa. Around this time, nothing much happened since it was all brand new, uhh yeah (this was around may-july of this year)

Then around late july new members joined: Tommyinnit, Tubbo, Wilbur Soot, Eret, Skeppy, Fundy, Punz, Purpled, and Schlatt. This part is very important to the lore, because the lore kinda started off with the british (so tommy, tubbo, wilbur, eret) Schlatt was banned, cause Sapnap was the one who invited him and Dream didn't know who he was. He'll come up later.

So Wilbur and Tommy decided to create a new nation called "L'Manberg". Also around this time (i think) Nihachu and Jack Manifold joined. They also were part of L'Manberg. There was this huge revolution between Dream Smp and L'Manberg. Very historical period on this smp. In the end, (i think it was?) L'Manberg who won (if memory serves).

After that, L'Manberg had started growing bigger, with a lot more buildings added and stuff, notably Church Prime, which where they created a religion for Twitch Prime, which is how you can sub to your favorite twitch streamer for free if you link your amazon prime account. I'm pretty sure around this time, Quackity, Karl Jacobs (if you watch Mr. Beast; yes, that karl jacobs), HBomb, Technoblade, and Antfrost joined. And then the railway war started. It happened when Tommy accidentally ran over Dream with a Minecart and then took his stuff. This is how the disc war started (once again, if memory serves). The two discs Tommy owns are his prized possesions, and Dream took them. Also around this time the Pet War started, with Sapnap killing someones(i forgot oops) pet. And then more pet killing. Annnnd then even more.

Then there was the L'Manberg eletion. There was POG2020, who was Wilbur and Tommy, SWAG2020, Quackity and George, Coconut2020, Fundy and Nihachu, and Schlatt2020 which was Schlatt. Oh yeah and he got unbanned btw

SWAG2020 and Schlatt2020 decided to combine their votes, thus Shclatt became president and Quackity his vp. Oh and ever since the election Quackity has this grudge against George bc he slept through the election. Schlatt renamed L'Manberg to Manberg, and exiled Tommy and Wilbur from it.

Schlatt is a evil dictator who likes power. He and Quackity started fighting, and so Quackity became part of Tommy and Wilbur's side. Around this time was The Battle of the Lake and The Burning Eiffel Tower, both part of the pet war. (It seems like a innocent war but its actually brutal lmao) Also (irl) Mr. Beast had a $10,000 Taco Bell gift card hunt. Eret won. It was at the cords 6969,420, because haha funny number haha weed number. This has nothing to do with the lore but yeah. Eret also became King of the SMP

Then there was the Manberg festival. It was to celebrate democracy, but Tubbo puts it as "i decorated my own execution" bc he helped decorate it, but he was murdered there. At the festival was the Manberg Massicare, where Technoblade was forced to shoot tubbo, but he released a firework rocket kiling Tubbo, Schlatt, Quackity, and a few others. Many people lost one of their canon lives. Wilbur went all J.D like and planted 11 stacks of TNT underneath Manberg, and wanted to blow it up.

Pogtopia was formed, which is a ravine which i think is underneath? manberg? Which included basically everybody who wasn't neutral or with schlatt. On November 16 was the Manberg VS Pogtopia war, but the Badlands were also there. The Badlands is a nation of four people: Bbh, Skeppy, Awesamdude, and Antfrost. They faught with the loosing side, so the chaos could continue. Eret disobeyed Dream and got stripped of his royalty, and gave it to George. Oh and during this time, George had no idea there was a war and was building a cottagecore mushroom house with callahan and was very confused with all the death messages in the chat. Schlatt died canonically of a heart attack or stroke (no one knows tbh). Tommy became president, passed it to wilbur bc he still has unfinished buissness with dream (the discs), and wilbur passed it to Tubbo, who made Tommy his vp. Technoblade then argued about how government is bad, and they're just repeating history. Philza Minecraft joined the server, but no one could find him, until Wilbur blew up L'Manberg (they rechanged the name also). Wilbur then made Philza kill him, so Wilbur also became canonically dead. Then Techno, still mad at L'Manberg and governments, summoned two withers and made it attack the others. The Geogre decided to check out what was happening and helped fight. After the chaos, Captain Puffy and ConnorEatsPants joined the smp. About one to two weeks later Vikkstar and LazarBeam joined, then about three months after that Ranboo joined.

They rebuilt L'Manberg on stilts, and there water where the explosion was, but now with coral and stuff to make it all pretty. Tommy and Ranboo decided to go steal from Georges mushroom house, but then also griefed it and burnt it, and Dream, being a George simp, built obsidian walls around L'Manberg. They took Tommy to court, and was put on probation. Then Tommy got exiled (again) but this time by his own best friend. This made Quackity vp and Fundy secutary of state. Dream also took Georges king thing and gave it back to Eret because Eret has a good relationship with everybody, whereas George being King just caused chaos cause hes close to Dream. Quackity and Karl made Mexican L'Manberg, and George and Sapnap joined in also. War against Dream SMP, it was a negotiation and it got renamed into El Rapids (reference to Chilling in Cedar Rapids, which Hilary Clinton once said, and Quackity referenced it, got it trending #1 one twitter (well i mean dsmp gets things trending like everyday but), and got DONALD TRUMP TO SUBTWEET HIM. (This happened irl)

In his exile, Ghostbur (wilbur as ghost) and Tommy made Logstedshire, and Dream was often there to watch him. Dream then blew it up, and now Tommy is living with Techno in his arctic place. Currently, Quackity made a thing called The Butcher Army, so they could execute Techno. Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy, and I also think Ranboo? are trying to get another festival, and yes its a secret execution plan, but for them to kill Dream, who they realized is who they need to kill first. The disc war is still not over. Tommy has one of his discs, but Skeppy is in possesion of the other one.

Unluckily for Tommy (reguarding the discs), something happened in the Badlands. Bbh was digging out his underground statue room (he plans to make a statue of everyone of the server) and found this crimson egg. He, Antfrost, and Captain Puffy kinda got possesed. Also since Skeppy didn't really hang out on the server at night, but bbh does (OF FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HE AND BBH ARE BEST FRIENDS) Captain Puffy created Discount Skeppy, which is her in a Skeppy skin. Skeppy found out, had a little conflict with her during her stream, but it was resolved, and at one point in the stream, he asked bbh to choose between him and the egg, and when bbh didn't answer, he went to the egg, put himself inside it, and logged off. Couple days later, bbh and puffy got him out, hes now possed by the crimson, called Technoblade his "best friend" infront of bbh, and is now living in a grass hut. Bad is convinced theres still some skeppt left, but yeah. Skeppy also wanted to burn the disc.

End of lore for now, bc its like if you miss ONE STREAM YOU MISS LIKE A REALLY IMPORTANT EVENT AND ITS STRESSFUL

Not much part of lore but Nihachu and Captain Puffy once went on a date. They’re both bi irl and Puffy was on Nihachu’s Love or Host (twitch dating show. its really entertaining) Captain Puffy was a contestant, and chose love. (LoH is also how Nihachu and Wilbur met.)

Funfact: Theres 5 irl lgbtq+ ppl on the server (people who came out, anyways cause you never know, ya know?) Antfrost is gay, Eret, Nihachu, Captain Puffy are all bi, and Karl Jacobs is ace spec

Family stuff: Philza Minecraft (he'll come up later) had two twins with a Samsung Smart Refrigerator in the 70's. The two twins being Wilbur and Technoblade (he'll come up later also) and also had another son, Tommy. They also adopted Tubbo, who they found in a box on the side of the road. When he grew up, Wilbur met Sally the Salmon, and they had a fox together (dont ask just go with it), which was Fundy. (The character) Fundy is trans, and yeah . Bbh is a dad to sapnap and yeah

Oh and a new member is coming on today on Quackity’s stream (twitch.tv/quackityhq at 5pm CST if you want to watch)

I left out some parts, sorry, but theres always the wiki...

Wilbur Soot is also a musician! He wrote I’m In Love With an Egirl, The Internet Ruined Me, and Your New Boyfriend. (did you know the last one beat taylor swift for #1 trending on youtube? idk why but im really proud of him for that) They’re all catJam’s. Go listen!

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ego-driven-one-wing-angel · 4 years

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FF VII - Cloud Headcanons | #5

ANON (1): SFW slphabet for Cloud, maybe?

ANON (2): HOLY MOLY COULD YOU??? COULD YOU POSSIBLY??? DO THE SFW ALPHABET FOR CLOUD IF YOUR REQUESTS ARE STILL IPEN???? (Or the nsfw one??? :^) ) I love your writing and you’re just SPOT ON when it comes to all the final fantasy ppl I just love it

A/N: The NSFW will come out soon, so I hope you enjoy this one while you wait! Also thanks so much for the compliments <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Cloud typically puts his pride first, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to find ways to be affectionate in his own little ways. It can be as simple as complimenting your achievements, how you fight, what you wear. It’s small and usually made from observation, but he can go a little more beyond, thanks to this female friends. That vase of flowers left on the table for you? He won’t mention it if you don’t, but small gestures will be found throughout your house as the seasons go by.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Cloud is the typical introvert being roped in by extroverts. He’s not sure how he becomes friends with them, but it ends up happening one way or another.

Your friendship isn’t admirable in any way, shape, or form, most likely the type that is long-distance and sparse. But when you come to meet face-to-face again, it’s like time hasn’t left. He’ll continue to be the same person as he’s always been, quiet, a bit cold, but he’s got some kindness hidden in there somewhere.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cloud is so touch starved in his later years he’ll crave it, but he’s not going to ask for it. Again, pride is a big thing for him. But when you’re together for a while, and start to get the little hints he drops in your relationship, you can crawl right underneath his arm late at night and the smallest of smiles will appear.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Cloud doesn’t mind the idea of settling down, but his past comes to creep on him in the worst times of his life. He’s on edge constantly, and losing the people he loves made him terrified of moving on in a relationship. There has to be trust, lots of trust.

Cleaning wise, Cloud is a messy person. He’s the type that takes something out and doesn’t put it back. Books, weapons, food. He’ll claim it’s because he’s still using it, but three days later the items will still be in the same place he left them.

With cooking, Cloud has trouble. It’s not something he’s done very well at any time. He dreams of being able to taste his mother’s cooking again, but he can never get the concept of patience and love for the craft. Everything he eats is almost always pre-made or bought in advance.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

As disappointing as it sounds, he wouldn’t say anything about it. He’d just plain leave, never call you back, never come see you again. He’s afraid to watch your face break down, the sadness, and it’s better for him to just take off without another word.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

To put it forward, Cloud has commitment issues. Trauma tends to affect people in a lot of different ways, and in Cloud, it has everything to do with becoming close to those he may lose. So when he’s in a relationship it’s always on the rocks for him. When could he possibly lose you too would always come to his mind.

Cloud is also not the type to get married if he has something to say about it. Not for a very long time at least. Again, trust comes into play. How long have you known one another? How long have you been intimate? These questions will certainly rise if either of you ever think of marriage.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Cloud is far more gentle than the others. He tends to get hints on whether you prefer his more delicate nature, and he knows when to be nice and quiet with you, everything soft and fleeting if you give off that energy. Emotionally, he tends to be much more mushy, simply because he’s got a lot of baggage and having someone listen to his problems eases those burdens from his shoulders. But don’t worry, his rough personality is still there.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hugs are odd for him. Physical touch in any form is strange, and if you hug him he’ll jut stand there awkward until you part.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It’s a matter on how well his commitment issues have been talked through. He regrets not saying it more often to those he does care for, but it doesn’t force him to say it to those that are still with him. It’s a constant internal struggle he faces.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Cloud’s jealousy is pretty high compared to others. He’s not in any way dominant, but he is protective over what he loves. And sometimes it can go as far as rudely commenting or insulting the people involved. He’s quiet, but not that quiet.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Cloud’s kisses are usually soft, compatible with his softer personality. His favorite spots to be kissed are, funny enough, the more mundane and playful areas. He melts at the idea of you lips coming to give him a kiss upon his cheek while he’s asleep or working, at the most random of times. His favorite spot to kiss you happens to be on your forehead. It’s simple and sweet.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

With his experience with Marlene and Denzel, it’s not all bad. He’s still has a bit or his more rough, awkward personality when he’s around children he doesn’t know to well, but it’s not terrible. He can deal with them, and perhaps even play games with them if it leads there.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Cloud’s morning is all over the place. He doesn’t understand what a routine is and every morning will start differently at all hours of the day. His favorite morning traditions however, is when you catch him peacefully sleeping, and you crawl a little closer to him. It’s always a surprise when he wakes up shortly after.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

When he’s back home, his nights are spent quietly unwinding. Showering, unpacking, cleaning his weaponry as the Midgar news plays in the background. It’s usually spent alone, but you’re free to come and join him if you wish.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He lives his life as an enigma and won’t admittedly tell you everything in one move. His life will come to you in bits and pieces and personal conversations if he trusts you enough with delicate information. But don’t be alarmed if he keeps them to himself, it’s a lot of baggage to carry, and having your sympathy will do nothing for him.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has patience, just not a lot. He gets irritated over the conflicts continually arising in Midgar, but you never see him angry simply because he knows anger will feast in him much like it did Sephiroth.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a large chunk of information. Just not everything. Sometimes he drifts in and out of conversation and he won’t remember a thing you said, other times he’s like a hawk. Every detail is stuck in his head. It just depends on what he’s talking about and how invested he’s in.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Cloud tends to like the more domesticated aspects of his life. When he’s home, spending time with those he cares for. It halts the impeding doom resting in his soul for a short period of time.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Cloud is protective. Again, trauma does things to people, and in Cloud’s case it’s the idea he has to protect everyone around him, and sometimes going as far as protecting them from himself. He thinks his existence is what causes these deaths, and he’ll go as far as leaving you, because in his mind, it’s how he’s keeping you safe.

Cloud also wants to be more emotionally protected. It’s not your job, but having you there to talk about those problems will make him more secure.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

His ideas are much more calm and small. It’s never these big events or parties, very secluded and intimate if it’s about an anniversary or a date. Simple is his goal.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Leaving things everywhere. He’s messy. Constantly pulling things out and never putting them back where he found it. Looking for a specific book? Good luck. Cloud could have pulled it out of the bookshelf weeks ago and now forgot where he stuck it.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Cloud’s appearance isn’t important per se, but he cares what he wears when it comes to fighting and being comfortable. He also likes things in patterns or set in a theme. How many people do you know that has wolf themed earrings, phone charms, metal work and clothing that matches?

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He most definitely would. Anyone he lost would be like another stab in his heart, and every day would be a constant reminder of what happened. Whether it be how you simply left, or died, it’s going to hurt him in more ways then one.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Cloud is prideful, but he puts his personal feelings aside when dealing with anyone. Sure the idea sounds aggravating, stupid, a waste of his time, but if you really ask he’ll do it. Cloud might complain about it later on, but he truly just wants to help.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Cloud hates overly clingy people. He likes the occasional cuddling session, an awkward hug, being around his friends and loved ones, but those that can’t grasp the concept that he’s not a touchy person will immediately get the boot. He doesn’t mind the type of flirting that involves touching, but when the person will not get the hint he’s not a fan of being touched all the time, it’s irritating.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Cloud’s personal bed is similar to just pure feathers. It’s very soft and fluffy, and ultimately helps him sleep better through the night. It’s one the reasons why his routines are never the same, because some mornings that bed is beyond comfortable.

#Final Fantasy #final fantasy vii #Final Fantasy 7 #final fantasy cloud #cloud strife #imagines #headcanons #headcannons

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Sigh. Chibnall.

Jodie Whittaker and demographic realism

So I want to make clear that I have no problems whatsoever with Jodie Whittaker’s performance - the character seamlessly kept walking across the screen, she has great energy, love the steampunk goggles.

Honestly I’ve always believed that giving existing characters a demographic change is not really as revolutionary or helpful as ppl think; New characters and stories (esp. told by writers of those samedemographics) solve the problem much better. Keeping specificity is often better than losing it, and the character still has a background (from an “advanced” civilization that used to do dirty deeds and is still kind of uppity attitudes, a character who’s decided to be against that attitude but still needs to be knocked own from the occasional uppity moment; It makes sense for them to look like a british dude, and they have the freedom to go wherever problems like sexism and racism don’t exist so... ), and will be linked to its origin. But at worst something that will look dated in a few years like the 80s outfits, the show’s done dated and crowdpleasing before; There’s no hard reason not to do it and I expected no quality dip.

It certainly worked as as attention grab, the premiere drew a lot of attention but that only lasted as long as it took for the reviews to go sour. But one of the main good things its proponents said could come of it was to help the lack of female anti heroes. So far she really didn’t get to anti hero much; It’s not Whittaker, it’s the scripts.

I want to make this clear: Varied demograpics are good;

This is why I kind of hate the term “diversity” is one of those vague euphemisms if you mean “demographic representation”, “social equity” or “demographic realism” just say that.

In a way this is a good thing, it used to be only the best boldest writers who could get away, noadays it has become acceptable to have varied casts. And that’s how it should be artshouldn’t have to have to pass some arbitrary quality standard to simply reflect reality. But as the rebootverse and star trek discovery should’ve proved realistic demographics can’t replace good writing. Sometimes lack of realistic demographis is associated with bad writing because both come from play-it-safe more-of-the-same consummerism focussed sameyness, often someone who goes against the formulas has a solid vision which makes them good, and focussing on ignored topics and perspectives can yield new ideas (consider stuff like Wonder Woman, Get Out, Black Panther... which were just good, novel movies) but you could have a super interesting memorable story where everyone is a medieval european monk, but the characters are differentiated by personality, attitude, beliefs, or something where the cast ticks all sort of all demographic boxes but the characters are 1D and the story trite and predictable

On the one hand you get those gamergate adjacent fanboys who make “diversity” and “good writing” out to be enimical opposites and then you have the purists/antis who treat any critique of writing to be founded in having something against realistic demographics. You need both!

Series 11

There were good things about it: An attempt at leastto do more of your classic thought provoking space operas or going back to the shows’ pulp fiction roots, covering some historic periods/topics other than the classic historical fiction tropes (they got a pakistani writer, had Yaz and Ryan discuss social topics among themselves etc.), the emotional story centered around this family coping with a loss, having Ryan sort of be the “main” companion and the one the rest of the team is protective of

But overall the reason I didn’t rush to watch s12 as soon as it came out is that it was a bit... bland. The team interacted mostly with each other; The Doctor had more charge with one shot characters like King James or the Solitract than she really did with the companions. Graham was such a missed opportunity. Remember how everyone loved the dynamic with Wilfred? No attempt to strike a bond over how they’re the older party members, or the professional xenophile trying to nudge the bilbo baggins like reluctant hero? We’re told the Doctor really likes Yaz, and I believe it cause she always liked people like that, but are we shown?

For all that Moffat and RTD were very different writers with different strenghts and weaknesses, both were very character-driven writers, and that was really missing here a bit.

Some ppl said they didn’t give Yaz enough screentime or personality - but the thing is, they did try. They just failed. They let her make little remarks here and there about her homelife, they just never really assembled into a whole beyond buzzwords and inspirational platitudes and the Standard Companion Traits. I didn’t get a read on what she’s about or who she’s like until the pakisan episode where she unlike Barbara, Donna etc. immediately accepted that the past can’t be changed. Ah, I finally thought, she’s a very responsible dutiful person.

Everything lacks edges and defining moments.

So far, I didn’t sweat it. I though, ok, not everything can be the high-concept character driven spec fic epic type of story that is my personal favorite. Every time there was some addition to the mythos in any way someone cried ruined forever. When the time lords first appeared. When the time war was introduced.

The classics too were lower on the character driven ness; Still good pulp fiction content. (imho the character concepts themselves were often pretty good, just not used to the fullest and some of the actresses were treated crappy backstage)

I thought “okey, it wouldn’t be good to break with the tradition of making the sussequent incarnations contrasting”

I did think that there was much liberty with the additions which the others did do only towards the end when it feltmore earned, but, the addition of say, sisters, isn’t too disruptive

Series 12 and the Timeless Child Nonsense

The frustrating thing about this is that it COULD have been good.

The Master teaming up with the cybermen to try and take over Gallifrey is precisely the sort of story the classics would’ve done.

“Your society is founded on a shady secret and exploitation of the innocent” is a good plot twist especially in these times. The Master finding that secret and using it to his advantage - also very him.

Imagine what it could have been like if it had been approached from the perspective of someone who, for all that they were a rebel, still sort of profited from being part of that society, someone who wants to take responsibility for that past and would maybe have to make some tough choice to let the exploitation victim go because it’s right even if it has cosequences for themselves and their civilization.

but then you ruin that by immediately taking the protagonist out of that society. They and they alone are the victim.

like this plot could have been good except for the twist that the Doctor and the timeless child are the same.

Not connecting it to existing lore about the earlier war game days, everything with Omega and Rassilon, that bit about the Time Lord becoming what they were through exposure to the untempered schism... that might be forgiven. Even if it does stretch the suspension of disbelief that every single piece of sci fi scanning equipment in the show didn’t pick anything up; Not to mention that it destroys the stake on every heroic sacrifice or death prophecy plot, every time a companion or oneshot character took the bullet, the whole “out of regens” plot...

This is not me being mad about things being added or changed, but this being done in such a way that undermines the philosophy, the whole flavor...

Yes, the MC is mysterious, the 7th Doctor arcs did a lot with this etc. but doesn’t spelling something out this clear not deplete rather than add to that? It#s a definite answer even if the final origin isn’t clear.

But they’re so much else.

The trickster hero accomplishing great deeds with planning, guile, improvisation and duct tape, the implicit value that ressourcefulness trumps raw power.

The rebel, different because they chose to be or made themselves to be such through their adventures, sticking to their own values in a close-minded society - who embodies & encourages thinking for yourself in every situation and universal plot, who battles enemies like the Daleks and Cybermen that represent comformity

Yeah they have many names yeah they take out gods... but all this was the result of their actions & path in pursuit of knowledge, and also, as Moffat once stated, the funny part is that behind all the fearsome reputation is wit and duct tape.

The fish in a small pond who started out a misfit, failed their tardis driving exam... etc. and often made a point that they didn’t want immortality or endless godlike power. That’s meaningless if they had it to begin with.

The explorer who wanted to see more than their corner of the world.

The ANTI HERO that’s made alltogether too tragic here, too absolved from their uppity civilization

All that is wiped away if they were this special creature to begin with.

Where WAS the philosophy, rly? The big humanist speeches that made me love the show.

Going Forward

So I think - I HOPE - that this in particular will be treated like the “half human” thing from the TV movie or the now josses additional origin stories from the audios, or be handwaved under the “you cant get it wrong cause everything is in flux” carpet

It’s the Master effing with her to pay her back for the half broken chameleon arch thing.

It’s possible the Child actually existed, long dead or trapped somewhere - again, dirty mystery at the bottom of a stck-up society is a good twist. but this shouldn’t be more than another maybe in the multiple choice past not a definite answer.

Also, i hate this line of thought but I can’t stave it off: Why is is now that the MC looks female that we get this vulnerable, passively victimized tomato surprise rather than something with an ugly but definite choice in it.

I will probably ignore it - parts of me resents this cause “your civilization is based on a lie” could be such a good plot twist (then again the existing twists to that end from the classics and End of Time do enough rly) but if i have to choose between that and the basic meaning of the character....

#Doctor Who #timeless child #chris chibnall

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kuroopaisen · 4 years

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HEY it’s me the anon from a few days ago that told you they’d panhandle for the in between crumbs 👨🏻‍🦽 i read pt 1 again while i ate lunch after work and omgncnsms i forgot how much i loved them lowering their walls (and the hesitation that comes w sharing something personal,, tbh not me i just be sayin shit sometimes yk MFNSNSN) but i rlly wanted to ask how long the writing process took you (in general and for this fic), what order you wrote all the scenes in (1/2)

and your favorite scenes from the fic 🥺 or rlly anything you want i love hearing ppl talk abt their writing 🥺🥺 i might send more asks as i inevitably reread the series tho LMAO i woke up today and told my best friend (who’s been lobbying for me to watch more than half of season one,,,, My Bad) that i was rereading this fic for The Serotonin 🤝🤝 also to avoid confusion i’ll call myself pan anon for now!! (2/2)

PAN ANON that’s so cute!! real talk, thank you for showing so much interesting in this fic? it’s my lil baby, and honestly hearing that you’re literally re-reading it is so wild to me,,, i have trouble conceptualising it? but thank you so so much you’re so sweet :( i’m so glad i could provide you with that precious Serotonin, that’s all i want to do,,,

you’ve given me the space to ramble so ramble i did,,, and therefore it’s under a cut fklfds i’m so sorry but also thank you so much (if you do want to ask more questions, don’t be afraid to! although this is,,, v long so i completely understand flkjsklfj)

how long the writing process took

in general: depends on a lot of factors, to be honest! how inspired i am, how long it’s going to be, how developed the idea is,,, generally, I tend to work on fics when I’m inspired to do them, or i won’t touch them for a long period of time. so, it’s hard to give an exact timeframe.

for example, iwaizumi’s birthday fic (ataraxia) was banged out in about a day? concept, writing, everything – mainly because i was on a timeframe, but also because it’s a relatively simple fic. simple premise, gentle but simple emotions, simple outcome. and, because i was inspired (see: under pressure), it was easy to get it all out. albeit ataraxia wasn’t beta’d, which is a bit of a problem for it as a representative of my writing ssjfdklj

something like brat, a more thought-out piece, it might take a week depending on inspiration? brat particularly inspired me (and i wish i’d turned it into a multi-parter now, tbh), so it was easy to get into.

for something like this or little changes, it takes a bit longer? little changes took about three weeks from conception to end product! which leads to…

for this fic: this fic was a bit weird in that i had the idea in my head for a few months? sort of,,, little scenes, and the desire to write something about kuroo and nekoma’s manager, incorporating the theme of ‘an in-between kind of love.’ the actual writing process, however, probably took two weeks?

the first week was pretty lax, and then the second was a whirlwind. It’s honestly sort of a haze because I would write for hours straight? i don’t know what happened, and a lot of the first draft was not good by any means, but yeah. that was one wild week.

poor ren (@/w-yuren – if you haven’t checked her out, please do! she’s the auntie of the fic tbh) proofread all of it over the course of a week because i wanted to get it out by a certain date (i didn’t end up meeting this deadline but Oh Well).

what order you wrote all the scenes in

i didn’t have a particular order!! i would just go for the scenes that i felt most inspired to write. for this fic, it was the scenes that took place more around the middle that i tended to gravitate towards? i found it surprisingly difficult to write the beginning (probably because by the time i got there, i had their dynamic established in my head – meaning that them being strangers was difficult to parse), and i put off the ending because i didn’t quite know how i wanted it to end (the original plan had them going to university – the slowest of all burns).

favourite scenes

so one of my favourite scenes was the one where the reader is having a breakdown in the gym; i didn’t end up doing it as well as i would’ve liked, but it gave me a space to explore some emotions i haven’t really had the chance to in my fics yet. it’s a mini-example, for me, of how cathartic writing can be – before this i’d only written a short daichi fic featuring a reader who had anxiety.

being able to tease out those emotions, but having them received willingly by kuroo, was soothing? and i also enjoyed that it gave me some space to give kuroo his own development, too; we don’t know where his mother is canonically, so divorce is certainly possible. and, speaking as a child of divorced parents, that sort of thing really affects you – often more than you realise. getting to explore that concept without making it the main point of the fic was enjoyable, in some way? it feels like the wrong word, but i can’t think of a better one.

i also enjoyed the scene where kuroo’s feeling down, and both kenma and the reader notice. bc this is a fic and not a full-blown novel, the relationships both kuroo and the reader have with other characters inevitably fall to the wayside, so i enjoyed every opportunity i had to explore the dynamics with other members of the nekoma team. and because kuroo and kenma are so important to each other, it was a joy working out how that’d factor into moments like this (especially since we don’t tend to see kuroo be down, you know?).

I also enjoyed the “ethically sourced” scene just because they’re being such Dumb Teens and i thought the dialogue was naturalish?

i also like the scene at the end of part 2, because i like exploring how we conceptualise love versus how we experience it. kuroo’s very much trapped between the two in that scene, and i think it’s very much something a teenage boy would contend with. especially because the way he conceptualises romantic love makes it something scary, something that could threaten the relationship they currently have.

and finally, i really like the final scene for two main reasons. one, because they don’t need to say “i love you”; they both know. and they know, because they exchange the “i wouldn’t be who i am today without you,” which speaks to their friendship and how they’ve affected one another. it’s also the culmination of both of them realising that it’s okay for them to feel multiple kinds of love for one another, and one doesn’t transcend or smother the other.

two, because it’s a moment of genuine, comfortable vulnerability; something that they’ve always offered each other in one way or another, but it’s usually been one of them comforting and supporting the other. but in this scene, the vulnerability is shouldered by both of them (the reader betrays her vulnerability by giving him a thoughtful present, and kuroo betrays his vulnerability by tearing up and making his confession).

honestly i had some lofty ideas that i don’t think i totally made good on, but i like these scenes because they gave me the opportunity to explore emotions that i find very interesting, or that relate to my own experiences with love; it’s always been a very strange grey area for me, and since i like to write for catharsis, the in-between was an opportunity to reflect on that!

i love the friends-to-lovers trope because it focuses on that interplay between different ideas of love, but in a mundane context, what does that mean? how do you draw the line between the two? should you draw that line?

so i’ve rambled a lot (looking at this wall of text,,, i’m so sorry) but thank for you for letting me indulge myself aslkjd my vocabulary is very limited and i hope i don’t seem like a Tool.

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excorcismic · 4 years

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ALRIGHT SO HERE’S THE DEAL ; if misa is my first favorite death note character , this angy kid right here is my second - i adore mello to pieces and he’s very close to misa in terms of how much i love him , but ultimately does she remain queen . but ! the cool thing is that in the series they never actually interact ( the closest being mello spying on her for a brief period of time ) which means i could play my two blonde fashion icons and voila , here they are . so here’s the gist on mello in canon & alucard and most importantly the plots i am digging bc my muse for him rn ?? is off the charts . LESGO !

IN A CANON NUTSHELL ( HUGE DEATH NOTE SPOILERS ) : So Mello’s introduced during the latter half of Death Note ( or maybe it’s more the final third but either way there’s a part where it significantly breaks in two ) - or , the very end of the first half , takes center stage during the second . He’s from the original home of the detective L , an orphanage of gifted children known as Whammy’s House - and essentially , the goal of the children is to maybe one day live up to L , one person taking his place . Mello !! Is one of the candidates . But he has a permanent chip on his shoulder since Near - the other candidate - always managed to beat him at everything . So when Light Yagami gets his way & L dies , Near and Mello are told that L didn’t choose a successor between them . When the idea that they work together to do just that is brought up , Near ( who honestly really liked Mello ) is like ‘hey! let’s do it’ and Mello ( still angy that Near is always right in front of him ) is like ‘FUCK you I’m gonna catch Kira myself’ and leaves the orphanage . Five years later , he works with the mafia , even getting his hands on a Death Note & with the help of a shinigami ( that he scared the living piss out of ) concludes that a rule that states a human will die if they haven’t written in the notebook in thirteen days is fake . He also like , blackmails the president and orchestrates an explosion that Soichiro Yagami dies after but he gets a wicked ass scar afterwards so it’s okay . Now working with L’s third potential successor , Matt , he spies on Misa Amane and makes connections between the second L ( Light Yagami ) & Kira , deduces that Kiyomi Takada is an accomplice , and kidnaps her to try and expose Kira as Light Yagami - but . . . he dies in the process , and so does Matt . The cool thing is though his discoveries led to Near’s breakthrough in the Kira case ( as he and Near met one last time , where he gives Mello the photo he has here in Alucard ) and Mello kind of gets the last laugh post-mortem . And also a kind of neat thing , his last appearance is as the narrator in the Death Note prequel , the Los Angeles BB murder cases - I’m gonna quote the whole thing in my eventual intro but ! It’s an awesome book and Mello is an awesome narrator . ( dn spoilers end here tyvm )

IN AN ALUCARD NUTSHELL - So Mihael Keehl ( his real name in canon , mind you ) is a twenty year-old runaway from the foster system - also sometimes lived in an orphanage but when he wasn’t , the constant tossing around because of his rebellious tendencies wrecked him . He isn’t employed , not does he actually have an actual home - living in a beat down truck most of the time if he can’t get a motel / hotel room for a night or a few . He makes basic expenses and fills his basic needs by doing odd jobs in exchange for money or favors - stuff like ‘if I do this for you for x amount of days or I get this for you you’ll pay for my phone bill for the next two months’ and that stuff . Basic arrangements . And he knows he can like , maybe try to commit to a job or a home but he’s actually . . . way too fucking scared of being tied down or in a worse situation that’s somehow more stable so the nomad life is kind of what he sticks with . But he’s homeless & it’s not good for him . At all . He’ll never flat-out admit that though which is why he calls himself a drifter . His main reason for being on his own , and refusing any extensive help from anyone outside of these favors , is because he has a point to prove - because that inferiority complex kicks in because the other kids he grew up against are doing amazing things and he wants to do better , and not receive any large amount of help . He just ,,, doesn’t understand he’s not doin’ any good for himself .

BUT OOOOOOOH YOU WANNA PLOT WITH MELLO SO BAD OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so the biggest connection in the sense that it’s the most open , i mentioned that mello mainly pays for his own expenses ( or more so , gets other people to pay for them ) by doing favors or small jobs in exchange for either money or other forms of payment . so obviously , people he has these arrangements with - they can range from anything , mello is extremely smart ( a thing that comes up is that he has a shit ton of wasted potential ) in the books , technology , the streets and has a bunch of small talents he’s picked up over the years of living on his own ( saving money , sewing and mending / caring for clothes how else is he gonna keep that amazing fashion , cooking with very little ingredients , cleaning with little tools , fixing the kinks / souping up automobiles , ahem sexual stuff , tutoring , sometimes even mild illegal shit , you name it . ) so he can offer these talents / skills / etc . to other people who could use them ( most of the time repeatedly ) and in exchange , the other muses will pay him in cash or by doing things like paying his phone bill , car insurance , health insurance , food / groceries , hotel/motel room for a few nights , or even just offering him a place to use the shower or bathroom or even a bed for certain days of the week . This can also lead to many of the other plots I have listed here in the sense it’s a start , and it can happen with anyone , anywhere , for any reason .

literally the thing w/ mel is that he knows no limits and will do anything for anyone and is hardheaded as fuck about it because he’s got a point to prove and things to do and he won’t waste time refusing but the moment you offer your help in exchange for nothing or you’re trying to hold his hand a little too much and he catches on , the arrangement’s over and you’ll be lucky to see him again .

okay so uh . in that sense ?? maybe ppl who kind of helped him out and he did like . one thing for them and once he got his payment for that one thing he kinda bounced n they never heard from him again for whatever reason . nothing against them but he rly isn’t gonna make a habit of staying in one place for too long .

obviously , those people that really think he’s gotta give up the ghost of trying to survive like this bc it’s wearing on his health & he doesn’t wanna admit it . and he’s tried shaking them off but he won’t leave and sometimes he’s forced to give into the help they offer but tries making them take a payment back .

old peers that felt whatever way about him back then but feel pity for his wasted potential ( at the moment ) , bc this dude was like . . . a straight-a student and was rly good at a bunch of things and now he’s living the way he is . whatever they wanna do and however they felt about him and how he interacted with them back then Differs but . there’s kind of like ‘damn u live like this’ now . gimme some kids who had crushes on him , kids he was rivals with , kids he got into fights with and maybe socked in the jaw a few times , kids who always admired him , kids who hated his guts - it always comes down to what life is like now��vs. what life was like then .

i’d like some friends who were formed from the favors - and maybe they’ve stopped whatever they had with him but they still regularly hang out or something , maybe offer a place to stay for the night .

just in general ?? people who keep their home open for him and whether he takes them up on their offer on a rare basis .

pls some folks trick him into accepting their help like leave him basket of chocolate candy and trap him or something like just . make it ‘wait what’ deal bc they all know he’s stubborn .

also uh . he’s been arrested for minor offenses a few times so some ppl who’ve bailed him out pls and he’s tryna repay him back .

mentor figures . mentor figures pls he’s trying not to accept their mentor-y guidance from .

so maybe the hero . . . maybe the one person who was like the l to mello of alucard ( maybe even the Man himself ) that he just . looked up to forever and probably still does .

. . . favor idea ?? maybe he’s a stand-in boyfriend or date for events or somethin’ like mello kinda has that bad boy reputation but maybe he dated them for show on their whim at some point or they have that kinda thing ‘pls pretend to my boyfriend and i’ll let u use my shower every weekend for the next month’ or so .

also , one night stands or friends with benefits he uses only for the bathroom / a place to sleep . folks he’s dated for a period bc he did feel something and therefore he had them as an outlet but then broke up with them ( most likely ?? he was the one who ended it bc he has never known love stability & got spooked on it ending and just - did it on his own accord before he could further get hurt BUT THAT NEVER WORKS and he has hella commitement issues ) and tried to shrug it off as ‘ just another fling ’ even tho he’s highkey sad over it . ppl he’s slept with and then disappears with only a ‘thank you’ note as the evidence he was there . and do they accept it ?? are they pissed over it ?? that is up to You but it’s probably gotten around that mihael keehl has never had a stable relationship and never , ever stays .

lots of ppl he probs has the above two arrangements or scenarios with bc again , gotta get shit done somehow .

enemies . . . he has an endless grudge with for some reason like maybe they screwed him over ,

i want . . . folks he can eventually get soft with and maybe actually seek that comfort in even tho u gotta chip at the five thousand concrete walls to get to that stage . i want to see him become better and that’s an ultimate goal for him in alucard ( even though it’s gonna be a bit more difficult with his memories returning ) to get better , commit to something , accept stability and get his life on a better track .

and yes , that includes an eventual ship ! really it can build off of any of these dynamics just . give me sneaking in through windows late at night , soft words and gentle kisses and protective hugs and please stay i know you never stay but please stay with me and the thought that maybe he should leave but he doesn’t and they wake up with him after a night and he’s still there and maybe there’s a scare he left like he always does but he made chocolate chip pancakes and he feels safe & alright which is . . . a rare occasion in his messy ass life . maybe something like friends to lovers , fwb to lovers , an old flame , anything this could be fun to do !! end goal though , i’d like something on the softer side that’s healthy and loving because that’s really what he needs .

( some notes tho bc he’s only twenty i’ll sayyyy max i’ll do the more romantic / spicier stuff with in that aspect is . . . 23 - 24 ?? bc he’s almost 21 like if we put the fact we’re in october into account and his birthday is december 13th that isn’t too far away so . That’s That . he’s also pan as fuck . )

BUT , yes . the main connections / plots there are what i can think of . ik a lot of these are so wordy and i’m sorry bt as always ! i will take literally anything i love plots and i think with what i have for mello there is so much potential in what we can do here .

and as always . give me other death note characters . near or matt specifically would fucking make me cry and i’m here for it .

#dhq.plots #░ ★ abt . ❛ ɪ·ᴅ ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ ᴛʜᴀɴ ʙᴇ ɪɴ ᴘᴜʀɢᴀᴛᴏʀʏ / mello #homelessness tw

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beauzoleils · 4 years

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FLORENCE PUGH , CISFEMALE , SHE / HER → according to the school records , ZOEY ELIZABETH ZINGER has been attending sacred heart for the past three years . i last saw them hanging around the cliffs ; i think they were drawing patterns into the dirt with the toe of her shoe and finding faces in storm clouds . at twenty - one years old , zoey has been studying philosophy and get this , i heard that she went missing as a child , prompting a public search effort , only to reappear in the middle of the night a week later , unharmed but with no memories of what happened to her — figure it’s true ? everyone around here always associates them with cutting your own hair at three in the morning , not recognizing your reflection in the mirror , and needing to be reminded that you are alive . in the time since these strange happenings , they have encountered unexplained occurrences .

hey , it’s me ! back again for trip number TWO on the hot mess express ! your conductor today will be miss zoey zinger , human disaster ! all aboard !

alright so . FULL disclosure , a lot of this is a wip bc i decided at the last minute to pick up another character JKSDMS . but ! this won’t be nearly as long as natalie’s ( the audience cheers ) so you’re welcome !

here’s some stuff i have :

a pinterest board !

a stats page !

no bio or anything bio adjacent , sorry :/

so ! here’s what we got so far

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

she was born on february 29 , 1952 . . leap day . i know . icb it either ! it rly does set the tone . . anyways ! she was born in a town called bromley , just outside of london . her dad , arthur zinger , was an established member of parliament when she was born . her mom , betsy zinger , was a housewife .

her childhood was all well and good and relatively uneventful until . .

( tw : child abuduction )

when she was nine years old , she went missing from her family home . the daughter of a politician going missing , of course , spread like wildfire and people all over the place were set on helping return her home . after a week of searching without any leads , zoey reappeared in the middle of the night . she didn’t remember anything that had happened to her , but according to all of the many doctors who examined her after said that she was unharmed . it didn’t appear to be targeted towards her father’s career , nor was there any evidence that she was in any danger now that she was home . so it was eventually dropped .

( end tw )

she was “ okay ” but like . she wasn’t okay . she very much lived in the shadow of that for the rest of her life , everywhere she went .

it only got worse when her dad was elected prime minister five years later . yes , that’s right ! the prime minister himself . then she had another whole shadow to live in .

now she’s at university and she’s still very much . doesn’t know who she is . she’s very much had her whole life defined by the things that have happened to her and so she’s like ? but who am i really ? she doesn’t know , n she’s majoring in philosophy even though she can’t do anything with it n she’s just . havin a rough time .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

okay so like . she’s a lot so this is going to be . . very disorganized and i apologize

okay

so she was homeschooled for a long while after her whole Incident bc her mother was very . . protective , n with good reason i don’t blame her . so her social interactions were limited n she was rly rly shy for a long time n she’s more social now BUT still quiet deep down and social situations kind of stress her out #relatable

she definitely thinks that something is wrong w her because she Thinks that she’s not affected by everything that happened to her . she just doesn’t realize that the repressing is the trauma behavior . like she just hasn’t accessed that part of her brain bc therapy ? in this day and age ? no way !

she also gets rly stressed abt social interaction bc . babygirl is GAY AS FUCK !

again . in this day and age ? no way !

she is super , super , painfully closeted because she knows that a ) it’s big time not acceptable for her to be into girls and b ) even more , it’s against her father’s political beliefs and that’s , , not something she’s ready to unpack yet

tried to date boys , it didn’t work out . she’s still very Overly Flirty w men bc she’s overcompensating but she Won’t go out on dates or anything serious n i feel like it gives her a little bit of a bad rep :/

she’s kind of just like that in general like ? very quiet in a way that’s mysterious n alluring , , like a manic pixie dream girl type of situation . and ppl fall in love w their idea of her but not the real her :(

she’s very dreamy , very in her own world . definitely has some elements of luna lovegood going on in there

very soft , so so fucking soft

very loyal to people and very sentimental and very homey .

needs stability or she will die . period .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈 : 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

i’m running out of time so these will b short , sweet , and i can elaborate more in the dms n whatnot

okay

first of all , i want all the gay angst IN THE WORLD . please give me secret relationship / relationship adjacent things pls ! sneaking around ! pain ! suffering !

exes !

guys that she dated that she ended things w bc she didnt actually love them like that :(

girls that she dated in secret ? where things ended Badly bc of the whole , , closed doors only thing :( :(

pls . . this is so important , i rly want someone who will b her fake bf PLS . like maybe they’re also closeted n it’s mutually beneficial . maybe they want to make someone else jealous n are like “ okay let’s do it ” , maybe just a good friend who wants to help her n then things get Messy if / when they become involved w other ppl

FRIENDS . supportive friends who like . know but they pretend like they don’t know bc she needs to come out for herself

maybe . a girl who she had a Huge Fucking Crush on and it manifested in this rly negative jealousy / rivalry type of thing ?

okay thats all i got for now whew .

if u read all / any of this . . i love u . <3 either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm OR ! like this n i will come to u ! okay , that’s all , bye

#heretics:intro #part 2 part 2 #im sorry for the messiest intros of all time this is chaos ily

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tessacxstello · 4 years

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hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD).

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine.

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin.

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor.

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap.

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest.

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice.

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

#huntingtonintro #pounce on me for plots #tw school shooting #tw bipolar disorder #tw depression

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nikatyler · 5 years

Photo

Last replies before I move to my dorm tomorrow! Prague, here I come.

I’m in this weird state of freaking out and being calm at the same time. It’s hard to explain. It’s very different from how I felt the day before starting high school, I remember crying about how badly I don’t want to go there. As for today, I’m actually looking forward to the classes. Especially the history ones. Oh my god, and I’ll see my new friends again on Thursday! Maybe even tomorrow, but I’m not counting on that. I’m so exciteeeeed.

I don’t think I can give you any updates on my sims saves at the moment. I played a bit of Roses (finally!), a bit of my Realm of Magic save, a little bit of NSB...but mostly I just recoloured stuff. I’ll release it for simblreen I think, even though it’s not Halloween themed at all. For one of the tops I’ve even taken the preview pictures and the only “spooky” thing about them is that they were taken in Forgotten Hollow. But oh well. I mean, at least you’ll be able to use my simblreen treats all year!

elisabettasims replied to your photo “So basically, I’ve come to conclusion that high free will is broken in...”

Something I had to do in TS3 when I attempted something like this was remove almost EVERYTHING that was fun to get them to socialize at ALL. Because they would rather do something fun than talk. Before that, I would manually tank their social so they would have a NEED to talk. Yeah, it's kind of cheaty but, jeeeeesh.

Here’s a tiny spoiler: I moved the whole BC household to Twinbrook, which is most definitely smaller than St Claire (and, being an EA world, it has to be somewhat optimalized to run on all PCs I believe)...and suddenly my high free will is working, there are interactions between the sims...I love that! Wish I had realized that earlier though, it could’ve made the BC more interesting. Oh well, it was a learning experience. I might do another BC in the future. Keyword might. It definitely won’t happen next month.

poisonfireleafs replied to your post “You would think that signing up for classes is no big deal...but the...”

I'm almost done with my studies, but I really know this feeling

plumbobhart replied to your post “You would think that signing up for classes is no big deal...but the...”

im at the end of my uni studies and i still get anxious about signing up for classes D:

plumbobhart replied to your post “Phew, that was fast! The best times were gone in less than five...”

that sounds horrifying. my university is so small that some courses are self study cause it's very possible you're the only one taking it (love that). i'm taking a course in chinese though, and we're over 40 ppl on the course and it's kinda terrifying.

I’m going to the oldest and I think the biggest university in my country, so yeah, so far quite a lot of my experiences have been terrifying because there’s just SO MANY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. I signed up for an optional class today though, and so far there’s six of us. But for the other ones, there’s about 20-40 students in every group, and then there’s one lecture where there’ll be 250 students. It IS scary.

1o8percent replied to your photoset “Glimmerbrook Home I know, I know. Not the most creative name but hey,...”

I love it!

Thank you! I really like it too. It’s not too complicated because I just wanted to play the game.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Tao: “This is getting more fun with every second.” Annemarie: “I...”

I miss the TS2 days when your neighbor would come yell at you for peeking in their windows.

They would WHAAAAT? That’s so funny! Wow, I really should give TS2 another try, every time I hear about these little things I’m so amazed.

tashsim replied to your post “�� yeah!”

hah, no idea

Yup, that was the point haha!

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Maybe my high free will isn’t as broken as I thought it was. I...”

ur doing great sweetie

lbr that would be me if I ever entered a BC

swinging outside while everyone else is socializing

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “So what exactly is happening here? Tao is flirting with Hannah and...”

They are just exploring their options in case they get eliminated XD

I’m not surprised...but in front of the bachelorette? The girl they’re fighting for? Ruuude

1o8percent replied to your post Closing ts3 now because I need to take some pictures in ts4...in the...”

From your NSB I like Valentine. As for your Rose legacy I’ve always liked Reagan and Sammy from your current generation.

Aww yeah, they’re my, let’s say, secondary faves too!

Secondary faves sounds so sad tho

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Scarlett: “Why did you do that? Of course we’re not supposed to do it...”

It was expectable... Especially from such sim. I actually feel sorry for her - she isn't that lucky so far... Except for winning a challenge but it didn't save her from a further failure...

I felt so bad when I rolled the dice and had to pick this interaction. But also, I was curious. Maybe it would work out. Well, it didn’t, and then I felt twice as bad.

lilleputtu replied to your photo “The title for the most useless BC host goes to…”

She is doing her best and I appreciate her efforts of absolutely ignoring the whole BC moderating business :D

She’s a whole mood in this challenge and I’m living for it.

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Scarlett: “It’s happening, isn’t it? We’re running for the worst BC of...”

i mean. it could be worse, scarlett. nobody's dead. *yet*

*nervous eye emoji*

(i’m not saying anyone died, but there might have been some uhhh...near death experiences)

melien replied to your post “Hi I just wanted to come in and say I hope you’re having a good day...”

Wow damn this is so organized, it inspires me to clean out my mess at least a little bit

It’s the curse of being taught to think like a librarian for four years and having some slight OCD on the side

melien replied to your post “Closing ts3 now because I need to take some pictures in ts4...in the...”

Gen 6 of the Roses was pretty fun, and I especially liked Lydia (even before I got to make a spouse for her)

Ahh...I really, really want to love gen 6 as much as I love gen 4. If anything, the storylines (especially Regan’s) are so much better than anything og gen 4, and I’m proud of them. But I guess it’s kind of like dating a new person while still missing your ex. You love them but you miss what you had before. Which totally makes sense coming from a person with zero dating experience.

berryconfetti replied to your post “simmeronnie? Doing simblreen this year? It's more likely than you...”

i did it for the first time last year and it was pretty fun. Crazy to keep up with, but fun ��

I hope I’ll be able to do it! I have my cc ready like I said, but will I be here to have my porchlight on? I don’t know. I mean I should. Just because I’m moving to uni and have already made plans with some people doesn’t mean my social life will suddenly make me unavailable for simblr stuff. If anything, that might happen over longer time period, not in a span of one month.

elisabettasims replied to your photo “Happy Bi Visibility Day to all my fellow bisexuals! ��”

*raises a fist* That me.

*high fives you* *gives you awkward finger guns* Yayy!

#replies #elisabettasims #poisonfireleafs #plumbobhart #1o8percent #tashsim #toxoplasmajuice #tiny-tany-thaanos #lilleputtu #melien #berryconfetti

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dcntez · 5 years

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good night , fam whassup ? i’m chrissy ( she/her ), but yall can call me bob the builder which is p much who i am rn ... i'm sorry for takin a while to post this but i had to build a bookshelf i bought myself w was ... p bad but i managed to be succesful so i mean ... i guess . anyways i’m 20 n from the gmt-3 timezone n im here to introduce u to my trash child dante ! hes kinda bad yall but pls love him anyway ? also like this if u wanna plot n i will slide into ur dms for some connections ? ok this is it so heres a lil bit on dante !!

❛ welcome to new york, dante fitzwilliam. your resemblance to noah centineo is absolutely uncanny. by the looks of your maserati alfieri, we’re thinking you’ll fit right in. according to tmz, you just had your twenty - second birthday bash. your chances of making it in the city are dicey since you’re impetuous, but being venturesome gives you an advantage. ( cismale & he & him )

k so dante is born to like ... hollywood royalty ? his dad was like a technological mogul when technology was p much just getting started so like ?? kinda our elon musk rn or like steve jobs a few yrs ago ? n his mum was a major actress idk like prob angelina jolie or smth like that so when they got married it was a HUGE deal . so it was p much like royalty wedding n they were the like ... the it couple for a while there @ the 90s

they had 3 children , n dante was the youngest one so he was rly kinda spoiled like crazy , his mom specially had a real soft spot for him n he could do no wrong in her eyes which like kinda caused a rift between him n his older siblings ? prob bc they felt kinda like their parents played favorites ? but dante was mainly ok w that ?

so he grew up like a typically entitled rich boy ? 0 life struggles , awesome life n just rly couldnt give a shit abt anything other than himself n has been p happy w/ that ? i hate him already wow but yeah like he rly never had to work for his money n never rly appreciated his life style ? its just like a given to him , he’s rly rich , period lmao

ok so while his older sibings went to college n started working on their dads company w? him, dante rly wasnt interested in academics ? he was a p good student @ school , but nothing above that n he rly didnt care abt it , so , as usual , his parents allowed him to pursue his own path in life n didnt force him to go to college , which he appreciated v much

but like ... it turned out his path in life was p much ... doing nothing ? hes just a rich boy doing rich boy things lmao but he does have an instagram n hes like ... kinda famous ? listen ... hes like paris jackson yall . thats literally it

also like , another way he got a lot of tabloid attention was dating a Lot of famous ppl ? so , u know ... he’s That guy . hes such a serial dater like his relationships r always super short n intense n just end up in chaos n like , a lot of media attention ? n thats mostly how he got like real famous ? jakjialk he does some modelling too but hes not super passionate abt it ? he just does it whenever his pubicist gets an offer from a campain that tickles his fancy its kinda a side job tbh

honestly is he not the biggest trash bag u have ever met ??? if hes not ... who have u been meeting in ur life omg

ok so now for some personality aspects of his ? w/ all the bad things i said like ... hes a great person to be around ? he’s super outgoing n looooves having a good time n entertaining the ppl around him ? if ur like in his circle of friends ur guaranteed to always have fun ? hes always coming up w crazy wild plans n is the first to say yes for legit Anything u wanna do ? hes so fun n out there its kinda great

but like that adventurousness n his outgoingness mixed w how out of touch w actual reality he rly is can make it kinda hard to relate to him unless u live that same life style ? like i can def see ppl getting tired of his shit real fast when they have like commitments n such bc he doesnt take it srsly at all ? n he like .... kinda loves to play the victim ?? like ... does the most stupid things n just ... ‘why is this happening to me i didnt do anything at all !!!’ pls dante stop

he’s also mostly a super chill guy personaity wise ? like hes not a v aggressive person or a hothead in any ways ? its v rare that he gets heated n even then hes not rly known to blow up @ ppl ?

ok so idk if that was any good at all bc its late n my brain is kinda shutting down ? but also here r some ideas for plots that might interest u ? or not ? bc they r kinda dumb like ... anyways

exes : mostly bad terms bc hes a drama queen like ... if u date him its bound to have a dramatic ending ?

family friends : prob knows this person for a long time , maybe both their parents were friends so they kinda grew together ?

best friends : prob do a lot of fuckin up together like ... im think abt it n its givin me a headache

good influence ; somebodys gotta try right ?

fwbs

model pals : maybe they r always working @ the same shoots n become friends bc of it ?

cheating things maybe ? hes an asshole yall sooo

ANGST THINGS !!! honestly all things angst

also like ... i have some plot ideas based on songs but its late n im too lazy rn to type them all down so if ur interested we can always talk abt it when we’re plotting ?

ok so this is definitely the end its 2 in the morning i might pass out in like 2 seconds but hey !!! hit me up so we can plot some connections !!! ok bye

#wealthyhq:intro #im sorry its 2 am pls forgive me yall promise im better than this #also i thought i'd closed the tab when i was like 2/3 w this n almost had a breakdown #pls feel bad for me n come plot

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lookwhatilost · 5 years

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in case anyone cares

people who followed me winter ‘17-’18 may or may not recall that i had a rly bad falling out w my best friend, to the point where i seriously thought it’d be the death knell for that entire relationship. since i’m incapable of dealing w any kind of stress, my drinking, binge eating, and drug use rly spiraled out of control in that time. it’s also the time i got a lot closer to ev. definitely not a coincidence.

usually in this time period, i would start drinking somewhere as early as i could, and then go back to ev’s and we would kill fifths and order food and i had the disposable income to swing it bc i was still living at home etc. timing permissive, i usually would start at the brewery that i still frequent a lot, and around the time this all happened, a new bartender started there. it was always pretty dead at that time in the afternoons and i would chat w him pretty often and i kinda started looking forward to that more than the drinking? i dnt think i was crushing on him rly. i definitely recall a few stray thoughts after more than a few beers like “if only he was single” bc he mentioned a girlfriend on a few occasions, but i kind of chalked it up to the isolation speaking. but it was nice, yknow. made me feel a lot less alone. by the time i’d buried the hatchet w my best friend 3 months later, and i’d gone there w them, he was gone.

and you know how it is w bartenders, they stop working at a place you’re at a lot, and for all intents and purposes they disappear into the void. and i honestly kind of missed him lol. fast forward 6 months, i’m at a restaurant w my mom and sitting at the bar, and the bartender looks familiar, and he asks me if we know each other from somewhere, and i think a little, and i’m like “justin?” and lo and behold, it’s him. we catch up, it’s nice, i’m happy. i run into him there a few more times w my mom, and eventually he adds me on fb and asks me on a date. i’m rly kind of hostile and conflicted abt the idea at first, but i rationalize, hey, i’ve always rly enjoyed talking to him, he’s sweet, he’s older than i thought he was but i dnt think that matters too much. so i agree, but we both work a lot and weird hours so scheduling has been sort of like pulling teeth. so he sends me periodic msges like “i havent forgotten abt this im jst overwhelmed w my job rn” and i honestly dnt rly mind bc i’ve never actually been on a date before so it’s all very intimidating to me, and im also stressed from work a lot so it’s kind of a relief that we are on the same page abt that.

so friday night, kinda late, ev calls me while he’s on a date at justin’s job ranting abt how one of the bartenders put a lime in his drink which he’s allergic to and he asks me “which one is the manager you talk to?” and i describe him while begging ev not to make a scene bc he is notoriously a customer service terrorist and he’s like “oh. i need to talk to you abt something when i get home” and i was prying him for more details but he was jst like “you aren’t going to like it” and hung up. so i start stress drinking and i’m like barely coherent on the couch when ev and josh (guy he was seeing) come back to the apt. and ev describes the hell he raised at the restaurant and i get pissed at him bc i specifically told him not to do that bc he knows we are roommates and it reflects very poorly on me. and he’s like “it dznt matter. you know he’s gay, right?” and i’m kind of like Oh God, Can We Not Do This bc he’s one of those ppl who think his ~gaydar~ is real and impeccable and i’m kind of barking at him abt this when josh interrupts me and tells me that they overheard him talking to his coworkers abt bringing a boyfriend over to thanksgiving and how said bf got rly drunk and made a huge ass out of himself. and at no point in this discussion did he say anything to indicate that this was an ex, which is rly the part that i’ve been hung up on.

like i obviously dnt care if he’s bisexual, and i’d frankly be more comfortable dating a bisexual man than i would a straight one bc i feel like they’d be less likely to weird and fetish-y abt the whole thing like my ex was. but like it’s troubling to think that he might be w someone else. like i guess it’s hypocritical for me to feel this way, but w brewery guy, like there weren’t any secrets there. i knew it was what it was from the getgo. this time, provided this wasn’t jst a misunderstanding, it’s being hidden. at least brewery guy is honest.

i’ve been running thru it over and over in my head, and honestly it would clarify a lot, esp where his unavailability is concerned. if you’re having to balance this w not only work, but having to sneak behind a partner’s back, you’re going to be pressed for time yknow? but on the opposite side of the coin, thanksgiving was a while ago at this point, and “getting too drunk and being a dick in front of your boyfriend’s family” seems like the kind of fight that has the power to severely fuck up if not end a relationship. and like it’s been 9 odd months since we ran back into one another, so him seeing someone then and being single now could attest for the timing of this whole thing? i dnt know. like i’m very confused and hurt and i rly dnt know what to make of it all. haha. life.

#blog #it's fine it's fine it's fine #god's in his heaven

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6ad6ro · 6 years

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let's talk about this idea of incels for a sec. i'm gonna do my best to not make a single insulting remark here. and i'm oversimplifying gender and sexuality like crazy since incels tend to be cis men. so anyways incels are ppl (men) who wanna have sex, but believe women just won't let them, right? they feel somehow their personalities make them incompatible with girls. okay.

most ppl? just view that rejection as a period of loneliness rather than defining themselves by it. when you grow up, you realise that most ppl want romantic partners. or at least an emotionally comparable variant. it's rly not hard to meet ppl. you just get out there. be nice n considerate. honest. accept things don't always work out and realise it's not the world against you. you just keep looking. meet people and let things happen naturally.

TLDR: incels are just toxic, extremist versions of the guys who used to bring up "friendzoning", and fz was never real. girls don't actually have an easier time dating than guys. it isn't women doing this to you, but rather the fault of patriarchy and the dudes in charge. you can change! just stop with this silliness because it's making things way worse for you!

i'm not particularly attractive, especially now that i'm older. i don't have a lot of money. i'm rly not interesting. i have a ton of personality baggage and flaws. hell, i'm agoraphobic and sorta like a western hikikomori. it's rly hard for me to meet people even online. and yet, when i DO get out there? i wind up in relationships or flings or flirty friendships. bc that's just how it works.

you have to meet ppl and develop a relationship to have... the physical parts of a relationship. life isn't porn. or harem anime. people have brains and feelings. and everybody has preferences. that person who you think is perfect for you? maybe they just weren't looking for someone like you. it isn't cruel of them to have their own opinions.

i mean honestly i don't think a single one of you incels would fuck just anybody. you guys have preferences too. are you sure if you didn’t open your eyes a bit wider that you couldn’t find someone? bc there are tons and tons of lonely ppl out there! the majority of ppl, actually. it's insane how many ppl are out there, right at this moment, who wish they had a sexual partner. go find them! be willing to have broader preferences! stop looking for someone who is "perfect" and look for someone who you can just be happy with!

okay so fine you say "well i'm ugly from societies standards". but... then why are you going after people who follow society's standards. as someone who constantly feels outcast in your life, shouldn’t that experience SHOW you that popular societal opinions are mostly frivolous? standards of beauty are fake? so if someone rejects you purely on that front (and this is a stretch bc everyone has valid personal pref), why isn't that a GOOD thing to you!? you aren't wasting your time on someone who harshly judges you based on unimportant things! you're filtering incompatible ppl out that way! it's all very natural.

okay lastly... i'm gonna bring up a part that could make me look bad. but i wanna be rly honest here. so women? do seem like they have an easier time meeting men. SEEM is the key word here, bc they actually don't. not really.

but girls who are willing to severely fall into the gender roles that patriarchal society forces upon them? yeah. they do. as long as they're fairly "attractive". and willing to spend a ton of time TRYING to be attractive. ESP if they're a bit aggressive themselves. thanks to awful patriarchy, typical gender roles have men chasing women like predators after prey. i won't get into ALL the extensive, rapey issues that involves bc that isn't my point here.

tho i mean how is that any different than a guy doing similar role stuff like "working out/making money/acting cool"?? if you really wanna meet the kinds of girls who fall into typical gender roles, you gotta do the same thing? i don't think this will make ppl happy... but if you wanna play games with ppl, you gotta play within the same dumb rules!

but back to my point, girls that let themselves be chased easily find themselves with guys more often. bc in patriarchy typically the guy has to initiate. girls like that are being reactive. so from a naive male perspective, it can look like "they get any guy they want". no. they're just saying yes to the guys they like of whatever pool of guys who are going after them. if they aren't chasing guys directly, how can they be directly rejected out of the gate?

let's look at it this way: a guy chases after 20 girls he kinda likes over a few years. 5 respond positively back. it prob seems like he only has 25% success w women and is usually failing, right? whereas a girl gets hit on by 20 guys over the same period, but says yes to 5 of them. so she's getting an "100% success rate" there, since she only wanted that 5. she wasn't chasing anyone. to guys it looks like they WORK for women, but women just win the lottery with guys? no. absolutely wrong. that is objectively incorrect.

you aren't incorporating all the guys they rly want. or how often they just "go with it". how often do you hear stories of girls wanting a guy and winding up w their friend instead? girls actually typically play within a pool of disappointment rather than chasing ideals. it's not literally disappointment tho? it's just being realistic. they play with the cards they're dealt.

there are TONS of girls who don't wanna spend so much of their lives playing that game tho. who DON'T wanna live within the confines of being a trophy. or if they aren't naturally lucky enough to be "pretty" by default, who aren't willing to spend 75% of their day compensating for that. those girls? aren't surrounded by guys. often single. often lonely until they get older and find someone they're mutually compatible with. bc that's another thing most guys don't see?

the only girls "worth" going after are the "appealing/easy" prey. or "white whales" where they just hope they'll get lucky. men aren't aggressively going after the chubby girl who wears reg clothes and doesn't actively try to look "sexy". they aren't drawn to girls who aren't giving them that playful "come get me" attitude. to them, they see that girl as "just a friend". or a " last resort". or "maybe a lesbian". it's fucking gross.

you might be like "well i know girls like that who have TONS of sex so"... have you seen the levels of desperation stereotypically "unattractive" girls like that have to stoop too? let me tell you, i meet these girl's bf and they're often total scumbags. they're scraping the bottom if the barrel. are you sure these girls haven't stooped to total desperation due to so many years of being overlooked when they acted normally? or ask yourself, were they ever TRULY "unattractive/unappealing" in the first place? u sure you don't just have weird standards??

btw can i point out? the tradeoff? the utter lack of power and choice girls have in this system? girls have to be born pretty and actively attractive with a sexy personality at all times. guys just need to have a moderate amount of money and be occasionally considerate. girls have to be sex objects whereas guys can be just people. bald, fat, somewhat unattractive guys are seen as normal but if a girl looked like that? she'd be perceived as a monster.

as a male working within gender roles you have the freedom to go after as many girls as you want without issue or disrespect. nobody is gonna call you a "slut" for trying to meet many girls. the list goes on and on. why are you mad at girls when you were "born winning"? you are more likely to live a happier life being alone than a girl would constantly being with someone. you should be grateful you aren't them... not mad at them.

but anyways... all this stuff? is super gross. weird toxic shit. it makes sense you would be lonely and angry when you don't wanna play by these rules. or change yourself to be more "appealing". but... why are you getting mad at girls?!?!? why blame women?? shouldn't you be mad at the source? patriarchy. society. gender roles. capitalism. look at who's running the show. bc it isn't the women you're mad at. or "the sjws". it's men in power.

you're seeing your lawn die in the summer sun and getting mad at the grass for daring to dry out. so you go out and stomp on the lawn. instead of using that anger and that energy to water it or give it shade. what are you thinking!? use that "logic" you guys are so proud of and actually try and solve the issue instead of throwing a moral temper tantrum. you talk about girls "bein so overly emotional" but what the heck do you think you're doing here right now?? stop trying to find an easy cheat solution and FIX the problem!

nobody should resort to violence about this stuff, but if you WERE gonna get violent, why isn't it at the people who structured your sexual prison? rather than the girls you wanna convince to fuck you? do you really want a world where girls fuck you out of fear? bc that's rape. would YOU be happy being raped? don't wish for an even rapier world. don't be so stupid and naive. rapey patriarchy is the cause of all your issues to begin with. this is the exact opposite if what you want.

honestly this incel thing just seems like an extremist offshot of the old "friend zone" argument. very similar to how gamergate warped into literal alt-right nazis. it's gross and absurd and you depressed, confused guys are being manipulated. you aren't thinking. please seek therapy or a wider perspective? if you hate feeling lonely and ashamed, why would you wear that shame like a badge of honor? just stop. spread happiness instead and you'll start to receive it back. you can change! it's that simple! it's okay!!!

#long #incel talk #rape mention in readmore #this is horribly written srry

18 notes · View notes

banditchika · 7 years

Text

noelle and akarsha’s very fun, very gay (study) date

word count: 4560

fandom: butterfly soup

ship: akarsha/noelle

author’s notes: i can’t believe i’ve done this? i mean. i can, just as i also know that i stayed up till four to finish this fic, and that w/o my friends i wouldn’t have had completed this at all. thank you @nytenchanter @trashikino @thereforebucket for beta-ing this hot mess!! i couldnt have done this without yall!! anyways please enjoy this fic, it isn’t of course any way associated with butterfly soup canon beyond being set immediately after the game. i really loved playing butterfly soup, n i hope other ppl give it a try too! you can download the game at itch.io!

This is a terrible idea. An awful idea. An idea of catastrophic potential, and she means that in the worst possible way. Just last night, Noelle had sat at her desk and scribbled out a full page of equations to calculate how terrible of an idea this is. Unfortunately, Akarsha is not someone who can be contained within equations.

Noelle drums her fingers against her leg, trying not to stare at her mother from the corner of her eye. The silence presses down on Noelle like a library’s worth of books, and she struggles to bite her tongue. The quiet makes her skin itch — but silence, at least, is bearable. It’s hardly as though speaking with her mother would be beneficial, anyways. Conversations always devolve into screaming matches unless Noelle bites her cheek hard enough to taste iron. No, she doesn’t need that today, of all days. Handling Akarsha in general is trial enough; she doesn’t need an argument with her mother on top of it. Speaking of Akarsha — where is she? Noelle chances a glance at the dashboard, watches the numbers blink green: 12:33, 12:33, 12:33, 12:34…

Her mother sighs and turns the radio on. Mandarin crackles through the speakers of their car. Noelle folds her arms, presses her forehead against the window. She hates this program. It’s news in the barest sense — opinion pieces at best and superstitious fear-mongering at the very worst; and not to forget, a commercial every intermission for beef balls that Noelle thinks Diya would like if Noelle didn’t hate them to the point of refusing to eat them. Noelle’s been listening to that same commercial since she was in fourth grade.

12:53. Noelle squints. Over fifteen minutes past the time they agreed to meet. She scans the front of the library for Akarsha’s ridiculous jacket, or even her stupid buns. Nothing. A few teenagers linger on the steps: a girl with glasses and a denim jacket, a man with spiky blonde hair and a red suit, and someone Noelle vaguely recognizes as an upperclassman.

No sign of Akarsha.

Noelle shifts uneasily. She pulls out her phone and flips it open, keying in Akarsha’s number with practiced efficiency. She could have set her to speed dial like she did Diya, but. Noelle won’t give Akarsha the satisfaction. She can already imagine the teasing that would ensue, and Noelle has better things to do than enable Akarsha’s tomfoolery.

“What are you doing?”

Noelle’s teeth find her cheek. She thinks better of biting down and shows her mom the phone screen, holding her tongue as her mother leans over the console to squint at it. Thank goodness Noelle hasn’t pulled up Akarsha’s contact page. She doesn’t know what she’d do if her mother decides to question Akarsha’s ridiculous icon.

At least her username is no longer YAOI SEME.

“Akarsha is late,” Noelle explains, voice strained. “She’s not here.”

“Then call her. Your friend is so irresponsible.” Noelle bites down. She agrees, but the way her mother twists her words burns at her. So Akarsha is her friend and not competition; but only when it’s convenient? Noelle should be used to this by now, but her patience wears thinner and thinner by the day. It’s worrying. Noelle, of all people, should have control over her emotions.

“How is this girl giving you so much trouble when she can’t even be punctual to a study date?” Noelle’s mother continues. Her teeth cut into her cheek: it’s beginning to feel tender. “You aren’t working hard enough. I’m going to buy new workbooks for you. Finish them when you come home.” Noelle tastes iron. Her mother takes her silence as acquiescence; she turns the knob of the radio with bony fingers. Noelle takes a deep breath and presses call.

Akarsha picks up on the third ring. “What’s cooler than being cool? Iiiiiice cold! Alright alright alright alri — ” “Where are you?” Noelle spits, chancing a glance at her mother. She does not look impressed, but is at least transfixed by whatever story the program anchor is spinning. “You’re twenty minutes late. You said you would be on the steps.”

“… Uh.” Noelle can picture Akarsha’s smile grow strained, eyes flicking away. “I am?”

“You are not!” “Seriously, I am! Come on dude, you’ve got your contacts on, right? I’m in front of the library.”

Noelle frowns. If this is one of Akarsha’s games —

She rolls down the window. The girl sitting on the steps, innocuous in her oversized glasses and denim jacket, raises a hand like a salute. She has a phone pressed to her ear.

“Hey, Frenchman. Missed me, now you gotta kiss me!” Akarsha’s grin is infuriatingly smug, even from thirty five feet away.

Noelle hangs up.

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

“That’s the first thing you say?” Akarsha whispers. “I guess you don’t want none unless I got buns, huh?” She swings her bookbag over her shoulder. Noelle glares at it. A bookbag — an actual, honest to goodness bookbag, without a hint of rainbow or iridescence anywhere. There aren’t even pins decorating it. Noelle didn’t think Akarsha owned anything that wasn’t calculated to be ridiculous and irritating.

“Be serious!” Noelle jabs her in the side. Akarsha stumbles and grabs at her arm, breath whooshing out of her lungs. Noelle doesn’t dare look over her shoulder, where her mother hovers like a vulture over a battlefield. Or Diya racing after a foul ball, or something requiring a similar amount of fervent focus.

“I am, dude, I am.” Akarsha pulls out a seat at a table hidden just behind the stacks and swoops into a bow, gesturing grandly at it. Noelle seethes. “C’mon, where’s the trust?”

She also pulls out a chair for Noelle’s mom. When she shakes her head, Akarsha favors her with a smile that doesn’t turn up the corners of her eyes and sits down. Noelle loathes the sight of it. Akarsha doesn’t look like herself — her foolish, irritating self. She’s wearing pants, for one thing. That should be a good sign. It’s not a good sign. Noelle pulls her things from her bookbag, and Akarsha does the same. Her school supplies are thankfully still her own: there’s Akarsha’s stupid bending pencil, an eraser shaped like a crayon, and — is that one of Noelle’s pens!? Akarsha said she’d returned it!

Noelle’s breath hisses out of her, and she wishes she were close enough to stomp on Akarsha’s toes.

[“Stop that.”] Her mother’s voice is gratingly loud from where she looms behind Noelle. [“You’ll sigh all your virtues away.”]

[“That isn’t scientific.”] Noelle tears a sheet of notebook paper more forcefully than she should. Akarsha doesn’t even lift her head, much less comment. [“It is impossible for virtue to manifest physically, much less have a unit of measurement.”]

[“Still. It’s a bad habit. Concentrate on your work.”] Noelle bites her cheek and writes her name with a heavy hand: upper right hand corner, name, date, and period.

Noelle isn’t one to put stock in miracles — those are for idiots and slackers, and she is neither — but Noelle is almost willing to become a believer when Akarsha — somehow! — manages to restrain herself from doing anything foolish in front of Noelle’s mother. It’s terrifying, frankly. Akarsha cups her cheek in her palm, turns her gaze towards her work, and then scribbles away without pause with Noelle’s (stolen!) pen. She doesn’t lift her head from her textbook, not even once. Her assignment, aside from sloppily boxed answers, is immaculate; no sign of little green men or ridiculously large-eyed anime characters in the margins. Akarsha hasn’t asked a single question: not even if pigeons have feelings.

Noelle is so busy sneaking glances at her that the nib of her own pen skitters across the edge of her paper, leaving an ugly line where a neat three should have been. Noelle sighs — her mother’s eyes bore into her back — and carefully whites it out.

It’s almost terrifyingly easy to fall into a routine. Akarsha is so quiet that Noelle can almost forget she’s there. If it weren’t for the way she flips the pen between her fingers, Akarsha would have blended into the library, just another faceless student against the backdrops of shelves and books. Noelle can almost imagine that she’s alone in her room, with nothing but the snake on her bed for company.

How disturbing. Akarsha is loud, irritating, her very presence like a desperate cry for attention. Noelle doesn’t like this.

[“I’m leaving.”] She nearly jumps when her mother speaks again, after nearly — Noelle checks her watch — half an hour of oppressive silence. Noelle says nothing, then startles when her mother presses a thin ten dollar bill into her hand. Her fingers close around it. [“Go buy lunch when you’re finished studying, then come home.”]

[“Alright.”] Her mother is in an unusually good mood. Noelle is accustomed to pushing and pushing and pushing without thanks — only the expectation that she’ll have to do even more, even better, striving for a finish line that moves further every time Noelle thinks she has it in sight. This is… unusual, but even Noelle gets pocket money sometimes. Like during New Years, when her parents parade her in front of their relatives and Noelle plays the violin, then patiently plays even more for curious aunts and uncles, eager to point at her and whisper to their own children. Sometimes, Noelle even gets to keep some of the crisp bills in those scented red envelopes. She saves those for the days that she manages to sneak away to visit a boba shop with Diya and Akarsha.

Noelle folds the bill into the plastic of her binder. Perhaps she’ll do that now. She feels full to bursting with questions as Akarsha lifts her head and politely — politely! — bids her mother goodbye. What. Noelle hadn’t known Akarsha was even capable of basic etiquette — or at least around her. She still remembers that disgusting D-triad fart. Animal.

With Noelle’s mother out of sight, Akarsha sighs and pushes her glasses up to the top of her head. She rubs her eyes. Something in Noelle snaps.

“Alright, that’s enough,” she says, slapping her palms against the table. She regrets it immediately when they begin to sting. Akarsha raises her brows, the beginnings of a smile playing on her lips. “What’s up, dude?”

“Explain.” Noelle gestures at her, all of her. Akarsha has had her stupid hairstyle since the very day they’d met. Seeing her now, with all of it hanging loose around her face, worries her. Yes, worries, because Noelle’s heart is beating too quickly, and everything about this situation feels off, like coming home only to find all the furniture moved an inch to the side. Noelle is right to be concerned. Everything about the girl in front of her is inconsistent with the Akarsha that Noelle sees every day. She wants to know why.

“It’s cosplay.” Akarsha laughs and leans out of slapping range. “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

“There are many unknowable things in the universe.” Akarsha strikes a thoughtful pose. Noelle sinks in her seat to kick her shin. She winces. “Look: this is fine, isn’t it? Your mom’s off your back, I get to wear a sweet jacket — everyone’s winning!”

“I do not understand how a change in attire, hairstyle, and behavior would be considered a universal victory.”

Akarsha clutches at her chest. “My kokoro is brokoro, Frenchman! I thought we were buddies, pals, homies!” She wipes her eyes. “Friendos to the endos, homodach — ”

Noelle raises a finger.

“Never,” she hisses, “say that to me again.” Noelle scowls and sips at her thermos. Akarsha’s giggles echo through the stacks, and she only falls quiet when a librarian pokes his head around a shelf and glares.

Akarsha is still smiling. Noelle shakes her head. Though her answer is still less than satisfactory, Noelle is content with her being normal again.

Akarsha pulls out a pencil bag shaped like a fish. Every scale is printed in perfect detail. It looks ready to flail its way out of her hand, and Noelle scrunches up her face, ready to scold.

Yes, normal. As much as Akarsha is ever normal, anyways.

“It’s hot. Must be my fault.”

“It is not.” Noelle ties her jacket around her waist. Typical Californian weather: chilly enough for a sweater in the morning and scorching hot in the afternoon. Oakland, however, tends to be cooler than other cities in the state. Noelle blames global warming for this atrocity.

“It’s gotta be. That’s why there’s no clouds today, y’see — ” Akarsha squints into the sun. Noelle smacks her. She’s going to ruin her eyesight! “The sun saw me and parted them to say, ‘shizz girl, you fine.’ And that’s why it’s so hot.”

“That is not why.” Noelle takes a deep breathe to explain precipitation, condensation, the movements of the planet and sun — but Akarsha pulls a rubber band off her wrist and Noelle’s explanation dries up in her throat.

Akarsha gathers her hair with both hands, pulling it up to expose the nape of her neck. Noelle stares: because she wants to strangle her, obviously. But gently. Just enough so that Akarsha would stop spouting stupidity like a fountain.

“‘Shizz girl, you fine.’”

“What?” “That’s what you’re thinkin’ right now, huh?” Akarsha puts a fist to her chin, denim creaking across her shoulders. Noelle scowls. “And so the Frenchman learned to love, the spell cast upon her castle thawed, and the faithful servants of the Eiffel Tower knew humanity once again.” “Shut up! This isn’t a Disney production.” Noelle steps on Akarsha’s foot. It feels bizarre. Shoes! She’s wearing actual shoes, like a sane person! Noelle glowers at Akarsha’s feet, cursing her flip flops as much as the lack of them. “And how many times do I have to tell you to stop saying that!? I don’t live in the Eiffel Tower. I am not French. This is misinformation.”

“How mean,” Akarsha sighs, sticking her hands in her pockets. She hops up to sit at the foot of a statue overlooking the steps and peers down at Noelle. She glares right back, defiant. “So, what are you gonna do now?”

“I don’t understand. Please rephrase the question.” “I dunno what other way I can say it, dude.” Akarsha’s fingers fan out, shoulders hunching as though to shrug. “Like, we’re done here, aren’t we?” She gestures at their book bags, the papers and textbooks and supplies neatly tucked away. “Study date’s over. What are you gonna do now?”

“… I’ll purchase something to drink, then call my mother.” Noelle traces a finger along the slit of her binder, where the money hides behind a copy of her schedule.

“You’re skippin’ lunch?” Akarsha squints at her arms. “They say you are what you eat, but you don’t gotta take being a noodle so religiously. Relax. Smell the roses. Feed the Beast. Del Taco.”

“….” Akarsha seems to be making up for her docility tenfold, every infuriating quirk magnified now that they’ve left the library. Noelle doesn’t have the energy to deal with this. She starts down the steps without Akarsha, only turning to wait once she’s reached the bottom. The tell-tale sound of feet skipping — and slipping — follow her down, until Akarsha thumps right next to her. “Woah.” Akarsha’s arms pinwheel. Noelle grabs her by the shoulder and steadies her, eyebrows raised. “Converse — minus two to acrobatics.”

“And here I thought that clowns were supposed to be good at gymnastics.” “How mean!” “I only speak the truth.” The banter and tomfoolery is comforting, in its own way. Despite the memory of the quiet, somber Akarsha that Noelle can’t burn from her mind and the new hairstyle and attire, it’s still her. Still the same idiot fool.

Noelle glances at her watch. 1:36. Her family won’t expect a call from her until at least three thirty. She looks at Akarsha: Akarsha, her hair tied in a knot at the base of her neck and glasses sitting atop her head, looking almost respectable with her mouth closed and her perpetual slouch hidden by a curtain of denim.

She can work with this. Noelle folds her arms across her chest, a smile tugging up at the corners of her lips. “Akarsha. Did you bring money with you?”

“Hi, can I get a… uhhhh…. Taro milk tea with pudding?” Akarsha glances over her shoulder. Noelle tilts her head, then winces as the weight of her ponytail pulls at her scalp. She needs a haircut — to thin it out, if nothing else.

“A milk tea with boba, please. No ice.” The cashier rings them up. Akarsha pays.

They seat themselves as far away from the incriminating table as possible, but Noelle still scowls at the leg that Min-seo had broken. It has since been repaired with liberal amounts of tape, but Noelle won’t forgive. Noelle won’t forget.

“Dude, I can’t believe that worked.”

“We were disguised, last we came.” Noelle counts change from her coin purse and hands it over to Akarsha, along with a few folded dollar bills. Akarsha takes it.

Noelle bends at the waist, tugging her hair free from its tail. It falls in a curtain around her face. Noelle grimaces as she straightens up again, sweeping it back from her eyes. She turns to see Akarsha grinning. “What.”

“For a second there, you looked like the Grudge.” A clicking groan grinds out of Akarsha’s throat. She croaks for a full ten seconds. Noelle stares, unimpressed. “You should wear your hair like that next Halloween. I bet you could make a little kid cry.” “And since when were your costume choices credible enough for me to take your advice?” Noelle crosses her arms. “All you did for Halloween this year was remove your windbreaker.”

“What are you talking about Frenchman? I should have gotten an award for my costume, it was so terrfyin’. I was…” Akarsha grins. “A heterosexual.”

Noelle almost smiles. She bares her teeth instead, but Akarsha’s eyes crinkle anyways, bright from behind the glare of her glasses. Whatever. Noelle will let it slide, just this once; she knows from experience that pressing the point will result in more terrible jokes than Noelle ever needs to hear in her lifetime. If Akarsha tells her that she’s ‘all bi herself’ one more time…

“Hey, what if we spiked up Min’s hair and like, dressed her up in orange? Do you think we could sneak her in that way?” Akarsha puts a fist to her chin. Noelle glances at the windows, where Min’s face — and Diya’s, to Noelle’s outrage — is plastered for everyone to see. NO ENTRY is scrawled under Min’s picture.

She scowls at it. She’s… well, pleased for them both, she supposes, but no one has any business looking so self-satisfied after getting banned from a restaurant on their first date.

“I doubt it. Her face is plastered all over the store. Disguise or no, any employee that failed to recognize her wouldn’t be worth the air conditioning they stand in.” “How mean! … Seriously, that’s harsh. Remind me never to work at a store you’re managin’.”

“Hm. Well, I doubt either of us will ever have to work in a restaurant. Our grades are high enough.” Noelle’s clawed and fought her way up to the top, Akarsha trailing just at her heels. What else would their hard work have been for, if not to secure themselves a privileged future? Noelle turns her nose into the air and grins. The motion feels plastic when Akarsha’s eyes flick away. “Nah, I guess you wouldn’t. Not that I wanna either — I don’t hate myself enough to work in a fast food joint if I had another choice.” Akarsha takes off her glasses and fiddles with the arms. She is strangely hesitant. “But it’s an option. Options are good.”

“I don’t understand. If you’re the best, then you are the optimal candidate.” Noelle frowns. “You can go anywhere in your field if you are the only option.” Akarsha opens her mouth, then seems to think better of it. Eventually she shakes her head. “I’m just sayin’ that you never know what might happen. Maybe kaiju will descend on the planet and we have to pilot giant robots while having identity crises to fight ‘em. Maybe someone’s gonna leak alien files, and all the stuff that we put stock into is gonna burst around us. Pop! Like a bubble. Or maybe we’re gonna wake up one day and realize that this, all of this?” Akarsha gasps, hand over her heart. “Oh no! All just a dream.”

She tries to punch Noelle’s arm. Noelle leans away.

“Come on, Noelle! If it hurts, then we’re actually here. Unless it’s an elaborate simulation and even our sensory experiences aren’t real — say, ever heard of simulacra? It’s wild stuff — ”

“Shut up!” Noelle, fed up, grabs Akarsha’s face. Akarsha’s eyes are wide as Noelle claps both hands over her mouth. Noelle shakes her head. “Someone with so much to say should put their mouth to good use. But of course you can’t even do that much!”

Akarsha’s brow furrows. Noelle shrieks when something slimy paints a wet stripe along her palm and leaps back, arms pinwheeling. She trips and folds up on herself, landing on the floor in a heap.

Every eye in the store turns to her.

“… Sorry,” she mutters, raising a hand toward the nearest employee. The waitress glares at Noelle as though her fall triggered a reflex to fight and kill.

Akarsha’s whispered ‘yikes!’ pierces the quiet. Noelle wants to wither, and smacks away every attempt Akarsha makes to help her up.

“Dude, that must have been… the Invisible Man.” Noelle wipes her hand on the arm of Akarsha’s jacket while Akarsha isn’t looking, too busy scrubbing her cheek against her shoulder to notice.

“There is no Invisible Man! Why did you lick me!?” Noelle fumbles in her bookbag for hand sanitizer. Of all the disgusting things to do! The Akarsha that Noelle knows and loathes has returned in full-force.

“Uh, ‘cuz you were grabbing my face? That’s a normal reaction to have!”

“No, it is not!” Noelle pops the cap and lets the sanitizer pool in her palm. She scrubs vigorously. “Do you know where my hands have been!?”

“… Nowhere fun, I hope.” Akarsha shoves her glasses on her face, then seems to think better of it and pushes it up above her temple. She grins, so widely that her face scrunches up with it. “That’s not how they flirt in France, right? Grab people and talk like movie villains?”

“For the final time, stop telling people I’m — ”

“Order number 16!”

“Wao! That’s us!” Akarsha whirls around her and bumps a shoulder into Noelle’s back. Her voice is strained, like she’s trying to fight back a laugh. “Come on, Frenchman, we can talk about your background later. Like your robot roots. Take me to your leader.”

“Akaaaarsha!”

“We should avoid Snowcastle from now on. At least for a few months.” Noelle pokes her straw at her drink. The pointed end bounces off the plastic top. Noelle glowers at it, then tries again. This time, she breaks through.

“Yeah. I think we left an impression on the cashier.” Akarsha’s sitting on the curb, drink balanced between her knees. She’s already drained a quarter of her taro tea and eagerly sucks up the pudding gilding the bottom. “At least we didn’t get banned in disguise!”

“Don’t say that. The bar is too low; we are not repeating the Diya and Min-seo incident.”

“Okay, but you gotta admit that was hilarious.”

“It was not! We destroyed private property, and technically we aren’t even allowed to be here!”

“But here you are. You’re doing a crime, dude. I’m proud of you!”

“I don’t want it!”

Gravel crunches as a car pulls into the lot. Her mother is behind the wheel; so soon? But she’d only called… half an hour ago. Noelle’s brow furrows. She could have sworn that only half that had passed.

Akarsha stands. Her fingers flex around her drink. The glasses are back on her face, and Noelle still isn’t accustomed to them. It’s likely because Akarsha doesn’t seem to be as well, constantly hooking them off the collar of her shirt or pushing it up onto her head.

“I’m going now,” Noelle says stiffly, then wonders why. Her mother is here; it’s time to leave. That much is evident.

“Yeah.”

And for some reason, Noelle doesn’t go. Her feet are glued to the concrete. She feels like she’s in class and someone’s just solved a problem incorrectly on the board. It’s as if Noelle has something to correct — but what? It’s not as if anything’s wrong.

“Your face.” Noelle gestures at it. Akarsha’s eyebrows raise.

“I sure do got one!” She strikes a pose, index and thumb forming an ‘L’ around her chin. “Compliment me like one of your French girls, Noelle.”

“Shut up.” Noelle snaps her fingers and wishes she could pull out her calculator. There is no uncertainty in math. Akarsha is nothing if not a wild card, and interacting with her always feels like a game of chess. Noelle has to have the right pieces in the right places — and right now, she has neither. “You still look strange.” “That’s not a compliment — ”

“But, it’s not terrible.” Akarsha’s mouth hangs open. Noelle pushes it closed. “Your face is nice without the buns.”

Akarsha doesn’t seem to be able to make noise, much less speak. Noelle counts it as a victory and hurries away without saying goodbye.

For some reason, her ears are burning.

“A drink?” Her mother eyes Noelle’s cup as she folds herself into the passenger seat. Newspapers crinkle as Noelle tucks her feet inside, then closes the door.

“It was with my own money.”

“Did your friend suggest it?”

“No. Akarsha works hard.” Noelle sips her boba. It doesn’t seem as sweet as it had just moments ago, the high of winning a victory withering to ash on her tongue.

“Hm.” Surprisingly, her mother doesn’t protest. The radio is silent, and Noelle lets herself sway with the car as they turn a corner. “Her school supplies were frivolous. Don’t let her be a bad influence on you. You cannot be distracted in your studies.”

“I know. She’s a good study partner.”

“Do not help her too much. Unless you get something back, you’re only helping the competition.”

Noelle is halfway done with her drink. Home is still fifteen minutes away. “She’s my friend,” she hisses, throat tight.

“She is the one you do projects with?” At Noelle’s nod, her mother continues: “Next time you study together, do it at her house. Driving you to the library is too far, and if you are going to get drinks, you are not working.”

“… Her house?”

“Yes. Call her tonight and ask. If you are going to study, do it in a place without distractions.” Noelle’s mother glances at her from the corner of her eye. Noelle does her best not to seem too pleased.

She tries to picture what kind of face Akarsha will make when she calls tonight. Will she be surprised? Embarrassed? That’s an expression Noelle wishes she could see. She can still remember how Akarsha’s entire face had seemed to pale when she triggered the alarm at the school library.

Noelle hides a smile in her palm. Not even an hour after leaving Akarsha speechless, and she already has another victory under her belt.

#butterfly soup #noelle (butterfly soup)#akarsha (butterfly soup)#pee pee ketchup man #cant believe im using that as a ship name instead of akano or noarsha #peents writes #anyways a lot of this fic is inspired by my experiences as a chinese american?? my mom used to say that sighing thing #to me all the time n to this day i still dont sigh or whistle at night #the radio thing too!! i dont know how it is in other parts of the country but my local asian station has a uhhh pretty interesting #definition of news. @ any rate ive talked enough!! does anyone actually read the tags #hope you enjoyed the fic!!!

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

Text

6:15am Gripes Post lads!! 🥂

im in one of those things where something innocuous bugs me for days b/c its just a personal irritation...i saw something for like a book or a game on twitter & it was like “this is about being a teenager” and it looked like it was about the kind of teenagerdom where you hang out with your friends after school & have a few romantic partners where it doesn’t all go smoothly because youre both inexperienced and havent figured things out enough to have a really healthy mature relationship but its complicated and there’s good things in there too so its all just a mixed bag and classic teenager

anyways theres nothing wrong with that in and of itself of course but i dont like getting what is a specific narrative conflated with a universal narrative...i.e. while that might be a common experience, being 13-19 isnt defined by that kind of usual teenage experience checklist. i mean, everyone who’s been a teenager has an experience in that time which must also be a teenage experience you know. and of course mine happens to be the kind that was nothing like the being out late with friends and having awkward date moments of bewilderment and figuring out who you are and all

i dont love to be reminded that theres a specific narrative thats meant to describe the General Universal Experience, when thats not my experience. what does that make my experience, and by extension, me

like i already feel invalidated enough by the course my life happened to go, i dont need a reminder that it was supposed to go This Way actually, and if it didnt then are you even a real person. and theres a ton of ways peoples lives could differ in major ways from whatever idea of whats universal that are also different from mine, so i dont know how not to be a bit annoyed from that angle either. i dont know its like....i guess ~Adolescence~ is especially treated as some flat, formuleic, predictable time in life where everyone is simple and shallow when its all really the opposite. its as complex and varied as ever and so are teenagers & people are completely wrong to act like teens are all just self centered immature kids—and not only wrong to do so but actually writing off really serious issues that affect teens as like “angst!!” or whatever...lord

anyways so i was like actively suicidal from like 14? 15? i say “was” when its just more like “have been,” but anyway. theres that part, and i didnt go to high school, which im sure would be for the better for anyone, and i wasn’t interested in dating anyone & also didn’t, and i was kind of having a version of the Universal Teen Story in that i was getting to be away from home for weeks at a time with only a weekend back every now and then (and breaks between semesters) and doing so finally let me like, even start to be a person who could exist outside the hellzone of my house. which made going back home for say, long summer breaks increasingly laden with friction. teens and their spats with parents right!! but actually it was that my situation was abusive & i had to figure that out on my own & in the meantime i did think i must be doing something wrong in trying to feel like i actually had the right to my own identity, because i must be doing something wrong if it makes me get along with my parents less. and really the idea that teens are just angsty & rebellious & argumentative was further damaging b/c i trivialized my own abuse as i always had (b/c all i had to go on was that it must be normal) & blamed myself for not succeeding in this impossible situation. it was really Not the universal experience even with the conflict and identity questions and growing familial pains

also i still had few friends, but i at least had a bit more room to Do Shit than at home. idek how to say how isolated i was for the entire like, well most of my life but a tiny bit less so during college. i had campus & a 1.5 mile radius and occasional trips and stuff, and being able to just do things as i wanted. at my parents house, the location made it so you couldnt really walk anywhere, and our town didnt really have a lot of hangouts anyways, and i didnt have any friends really. i did get a few from school and friendly acquaintances but i would rarely see any of them outside school, and that was mostly only middle school anyways. i was on the fringe even in preschool, which i imagine helped w how i read all the time at school and at home. and home and the abuse and having nowhere else to be also had to contribute to how i live in my head, i have to guess. i dont mind that, my head is great. but other people think im weird and in terms of being someone who grew up exposed to long term trauma & bad attention & memory & an awful lot of pretty specific things seem to align w autism but if i mention that ppl (irl) like to talk abt how well really everyones autistic in SOME ways (which well they arent unless you want to have a huge talk abt the entire field of what it means when usually nt ppl define Disorders) anyways the point is that i also dont trust people much because theres a slight history of taking a chance on ppl who seem interested in being friendly w/ me only to turn around & realize i was being laughed at to a degree for things that were just part of how i personally socialize, thanks. but not all of it. ive met some really solid people. but im not that eager to meet people as im wary of a lot of them & my instincts are usually justified when i take a dislike to somebody. and ive just never been in a position to make or have a lot of friends. and that sucks, coz the few times ive been able to be around multiple people i like is always a lot of fun, usually the result of some roadtrip or special occasion or something and very short lived. i WISH i’d had a period of constant access to a friend group, that i couldve left my parents house and had somewhere to go anytime i felt like it, that i had people i could do things with and all. i dont need adventure, i like parking lots and just doing nothing but hanging out and all, but that didnt happen. i was stuck in my parents house & i didnt even think i had maybe been cheated out of anything & maybe i wasnt just a inferior quality person until i started to figure out for myself around 18 that i might actually be abused, and it took me another couple of years to really believe that i didnt deserve it

and i mean still i didnt just take an “alternate route” to the same endpoint everyone else did. i cant do buzzfeed quizzes about You And Your BFF / Friend / Friend Group coz i cant even fake my way through them. i know i have an identity and am as much a person as anyone but i know that the chances to explore life that are supposed to be Common and Universal werent available to me, and that who i am as a person, aka a normal one, not a terrible one, was info i didnt know for most of my life and had to figure out on my own. and im still figuring out on my own, because shits never exactly been okay yknow

anyways my experience may be “worse” but its not lesser or less real or valid or makes me less of a person because i didnt get to do it your way. idk

tldr it annoys me like thanks for reminding me ive never got to have friends even though that’s still one of the few things i’ll feel bad about b/c i know just how much that hurts me & how much ive missed my fleeting chances to have a micro taste of what that couldve been like. and for a reminder that whats considered Real Full Person’s Experience is so default it doesnt even need modifiers, & so what does that make me if it doesnt apply at all?

funny how much an throwaway almost joke of a sentence bugs me but thats how it goes huh

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