#and ed can’t leave this world without Izzy

[mossiestpiglet]

I can’t stop thinking about how Ed needed Izzy to die first before he tried to kill himself. No one else actually mattered to him at all; Frenchie, Jim, Fang, it’s debatable if he even knows Archie’s name- they’re just accessories to his own death. But Izzy’s death mattered enough that he had to intimidate Frenchie into revealing Izzy’s location just so that Ed could go and leave Izzy with a gun knowing exactly what he would do when left alone with it. He needed Izzy to die first because he knew Izzy would try to stop him. He needed Izzy to die first because he needed everyone who loved him to be gone. He needed Izzy to die first because no matter how much he could hurt Izzy, could walk him right up to the very edge of death, Ed could never be the one to actually kill Izzy himself. If Ed was going to take them all down at the end of the day, Izzy had to already be dead by his own hand because Ed couldn’t do it. Not to Izzy.

[goayda]

What if… one day Izzy wakes up sore and with a splitting headache and when he finally opens his eyes he realizes that he is in the captain’s bed and that Ed and Bonnet are wrapped around him fast asleep.

Izzy freaks out, because he can’t remember what happened exactly the night before, but even if there had been a lot of rum involved (and that would explain the horrible headache) this wouldn’t make sense because he and Bonnet barely tolerate each other and he hasn’t spoken more than a few words to Ed since his death-recovery.

So he panics and sits up brusquely and the sudden movement wakes up both captains immediately. They seem upset about him trying to leave their bed, but it’s not as if Izzy can run away very fast without his unicorn leg and while he tries to find it and put it on, Ed and Bonnet start talking nonsense.

They worriedly ask him what is wrong, if he is feeling better, mention some hit to the head in a raid Izzy can’t remember at all and they keep calling him ‘baby’ and ‘love’ and Izzy can’t make sense of any of this.

Until he realizes… this is a fuckery, of course! They were surely bored and decided to play a prank on Izzy! Ed must have convinced Bonnet, or maybe it was the other way around, and they are pretending to… care about him? To… be in love with him?

Then a hand starts rubbing his back softly and Izzy jolts off the bed, falling to the floor on his ass. Bonnet yelps and Ed gets off the bed and kneels by his side, but Izzy just crawls away from him, confused and hurt, because Ed caring about him would mean the world to him, but this is not real.

Then Bonnet walks to the door and opens it to yell for Roach and soon there are many footsteps getting closer. The crew is coming and Izzy wonders bitterly if they are also part of the fuckery.

Izzy thought he and the crew were doing better now, but their friendship is new and he is worried they will just play along with whatever game Ed and Stede have come up with so he braces himself for it and waits.

But when the crew starts coming into the cabin, they just look worried about him and Roach starts berating the captains for not being careful while Frenchie and Fang help him get off the floor and Izzy is more and more confused because when did Lucius get a goatee? And how did Jim’s hair suddenly grow so much?

(Roach tells the captains that it’s probably a temporary thing and he will regain his memory soon, but Ed is heartbroken anyway. Meanwhile, Stede is already thinking about how to woo Izzy again if that doesn’t happen. He knows much more about Izzy now and he is confident it wouldn’t be as hard as the first time.)

[something-about-sunflowers]

Thinking about Izzy with hanahaki, coughing up flowers over Ed for like 25-30 years. Yeah it sucks but its not gonna kill him. Obviously keeps it a secret (From Ed at least, Fang and Ivan caught on but they don’t wanna get involved in All That so they keep it to themselves and help Izzy out when he gets bad spells. None of them mention it but Izzy is grateful, which makes it all the worse when they start palling around with the Revenge crew over Izzy :’Tc).

(Uh, readmore cause I didn’t expect this to get. Like. Huge. lmao)

Then Stede Fucking Bonnet comes along and things get worse as he watches Ed fall for Stede, even if he doesn’t really understand. Still, he manages. Gotta push through, Ed would expect nothing less.

And when Stede leaves and the Kraken happens Izzy goes through a good bit of hell. Ed is barely out the room after the toe incident before Izzy is hacking up so many flowers he thinks he might actually die this time. He doesn’t, though. Cleans himself up, puts his shaky legs to work. (And then Lucius finds out, doesn’t really matter who pulled him back on board, Izzy knows about it because none of them are subtle. He keeps the secret because. He’s really not sure. But Lucius is in the walls and he hears Izzy having a fit and now he knows. He wants to ask. Tries to, even, Izzy shuts him down and he’s not even angry when he does it. Just. Defeated. Lucius silently adds another thing to his ‘Things I’m Gonna Bitch At Blackbeard For Once He’s Not Crazy Anymore’ list.)

When Stede comes back its. Better. For a while. There’s a lot of hurt all around but everyone is alive and they’re (mostly) talking it through as a crew. Ed makes his apologies to the crew, even to Izzy. Stede makes his apologies as well. Izzy accepts that This Is His Life Now. Since Stede seems to actually want to learn now that he can’t just throw money at all his problems Izzy offers to actually teach him (instead of ‘teaching’ him like Ed does). He shows him the ropes (literally), gets him passable with a sword, keeps Ed focused when he’s teaching him navigation (not Izzy’s strong suit, he can manage if he needs to but Ed’s always been better at it). They actually find themselves getting along.

Izzy starts joining the crew during ‘story time’ (sometimes its stories, sometimes its other group activities, easier to just give it the one label). One night, after Stede finishes the story and everyone is heading to bed, he watches Stede and Ed head to their cabin. Sometimes they’ll ask him along for a night cap, not always though, and its. Fine. But. He watches them head off without him. The way they hold each other as they go, smiling, only eyes for each other.

He barely makes it to his room before he’s coughing up the most flowers he’s done since Ed fed him his toe. He, frustratedly, sets to work cleaning them up but. He actually stops to look at them. He stares. And stares and stares.

Two distinct types of flowers littler his floor. He tries to deny it but he understands immediately the implications. Fuck.

Still, Izzy is nothing if not the worlds most repressed trooper. He sticks it out. Or. Tries to. Its hard because Stede and Ed keep asking after him and seeking him out and talking and touching him and. Its just camaraderie he knows but. It makes him want. And he knows he can’t have that. He wouldn’t have a damn botanical garden in his chest if he could. Its starting to take its toll on him though. He can tell its getting bad because Stede and Ed are starting to worry about him. They don’t say it in so many words but he can see it in their eyes. Ed is more hesitant to go on raids, makes up some excuse about his knee playing up more than usual, but Izzy knows it because he can see how his hands shake even when at rest and he’s thinking about him slipping up in a fight. Stede’s plying him with herbal teas and feeding him several small meals throughout the day, he’s noticed Izzy can’t stomach much anymore, how he’s getting weaker by the day because of it.

He leaves after Lucius catches him having another fit. A bad one. He says he’s going to get the captains but Izzy begs him not to. ‘Not yet,’ he lies, ‘I’ll tell them myself but. Just. Give me some time.’ Lucius begrudgingly agrees, gives him two days. ‘And if you haven’t told them by then I’m going to do it myself and you can thank me later.’ Izzy leaves that night.

He shouldn’t be surprised, when he finds Calico Jack in some seedy bar at the nearest port he can reach, though he is. ‘Thought you were dead.’ He finds himself relieved he’s not, its nice to have a familiar face around if he’s gonna die here. (He knows he’s dying. Not immediately, he’s got more fight in him than that, but. Its coming on the horizon and he knows it. Like he knows a storm eventually follows a red dawn.)

Jack eyes him, calculating, never as drunk as he pretends to be. Izzy doesn’t know what he sees but he breaks into his usual grin and says, ‘Nah, still got - what is it - four? Four lives left. Take more than some crazy bird’s cursed cannon ball to take down Calico Jack, babydoll.’ If it were anybody else, Izzy would be bristling at the nickname, but he’s long since resigned himself to being called things like that from Jack. Jack loses his easy grin though and adds ‘You look a bit like death fuckin warmed over though, fuck happened to you?’ There’s genuine care in his tone and it reminds Izzy so much of Ed and Stede and, thank fuck Jack seems to notice because Izzy’s slapping a hand over his mouth and Jack is taking his arm and they barely make it to the shitty little room Jack’s occupying before the petals start spilling out. Jack holds him through the fit, its nice. Izzy almost regrets when its over because Jack sets him down on the bed and steps back, fixes him with a look he’s too exhausted to decipher. ‘Fuck.’ He says, eventually. ‘Think we’re gonna need a drink for this.’ The alcohol burns his tender throat but he knows Jack is gonna get him to talk anyway and its easier with the rum so he drinks. And he talks.

Jack doesn’t call him an idiot but its strongly implied. Izzy doesn’t know what he expects him to do, its not as if he chose this. He doesn’t call him an idiot though, instead he. Takes care of him? Its odd, he knows Jack isn’t as callous and heartless as he pretends to be, knows he’s actually got pretty good bedside manners in fact (There’d been a time before all the legend and everything after when they were all sailing together, they’d lost their medic during a raid and Jack stepped up. He was no doctor but he knew enough to keep everyone from dying til they go someone new. He also had a child and Izzy knew, for all that he was regularly absent from their life, he wasn’t an absent father. He knew how to care for people.), but it surprises him nonetheless to have it turned towards him. Like it matters to him that Izzy is as comfortable as he can be, given the circumstances.

Izzy manages to be up and around most days but they’re growing fewer. Lacking much better to do (he’s never been good at sitting idle) he follows Jack around when he can manage to get out of bed. On days where he can’t Jack still goes out, Izzy wonders why, he mostly just drinks and fucks around, its hardly as if he can’t do that here with Izzy. He supposes he must not make for very good company, sorry state he’s in. Still.

He’s more than a bit annoyed that it takes him hacking up even more flowers after Jack leaves one morning, with a ‘Be back sometime this evening Babydoll, I got something for you,’ to realize. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he rasps, staring down at the mound of three distinct types of petals. He’s so tired. He’ll clean it up later, promises himself he’ll be up before Jack gets back to clean them up.

He dreams of warm hands, fond smiles, soft touches, and tender voices and wakes coughing up more and more flowers. He can’t breathe. Tears sting his eyes, from the pain in his throat and his lungs, at the thought of being alone at the end like this. He spares a brief thought towards how Jack will react, coming back this evening to find him gone. Wonders how Stede would react. Edward. Still more flowers.

The door bursts open and Izzy doesn’t have the air or the energy to startle. Jack. Jack is there and he looks panicked. And there’s Stede behind him. And Edward. Somehow Izzy finds the air to let out a hysterical little laugh, it comes out more of a gasp. Must have died already, he thinks, how else could they all be here, as though his thoughts summoned them.

‘Izzy!’ He’s not sure which of them is calling him, his vision is starting to go spotty and his ears are ringing. Maybe none of them, maybe its a trick of his desperate, dying mind. There’s hands on him, warm and soft and. Instinct tells him to fight, he can’t see who’s touching him, he knows he needs to fight but. He’s so tired. He can’t see but he feels his eyes slip shut.

‘Izzy, I love you.’

Nothing.

[crustose]

The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds, reordered to fit Steddyhands timeline

Pet Sounds is about Stede, Ed, and Izzy. and here's the proof. Listen on Spotify

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Ed/Izzy, Hornigold era. Encapsulates the joy of finding each other, while yearning for better times. Hoping that one day they’ll have it, if they just hold on for a little while longer.  

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up In the morning when the day is new? After having spent the day together Hold each other close the whole night through But happy times together we've been spending I wish that every kiss was never-ending Oh, wouldn't it be nice?

You know it seems the more we talk about it It only makes it worse to live without it

Discussing mutiny, building Blackbeard, together. Longing for the kind of life that isn’t ruled by Hornigold any longer.

I Just Wasn't Made for These Times

Ed “It’s all so fuckin’ boring’ Teach

Every time I get the inspiration To go change things around No one wants to help me look for places Where new things might be found Where can I turn when my fair weather friends cop out? What's it all about?

I Know There's an Answer

Co-Captains? Co-Captains. 

I know so many people who think they can do it alone They isolate their heads and stay in their safety zones

Now how can I come on And tell them the way that they live could be better? [Traditionally, piracy is a culture of abuse, floggings, keelhaulings. And my thought is, "Why?” And also, what if it wasn't like that?]

Here Today 

Izzy, warning Ed against Stede. 

It starts with just a little glance now Right away you're thinkin' 'bout romance now You know you ought to take it slower But you just can't wait to get to know her A brand new love affair is such a beautiful thing But if you're not careful think about the pain it can bring

It makes you feel so bad It makes your heart feel sad It makes your days go wrong It makes your nights so long

Izzy, warning Stede against Ed

Right now you think that she's perfection This time is really an exception Well, you know I hate to be a downer But I'm the guy she left before you found her Well, I'm not saying you won't have a good love with her But I keep on remembering things like they were

That's Not Me

Stede leaves, thinking he’s doing the right thing for everyone. Once he reckons with that, he can return with the confidence that he loves Ed, and that the Revenge is home. 

I had to prove that I could make it alone now But that's not me I wanted to show how independent I'd grown now But that's not me I could try to be big in the eyes of the world What matters to me is what I could be to just one girl [Ed Teach btw]

I'm a little bit scared 'cause I haven't been home in a long time [Stede talking to Ed’s wanted poster] You needed my love and I know that I left at the wrong time

I'm Waiting for the Day 

Stede/Ed/Izzy, at various points. They were there for each other, bridging those times when various iterations of the three of them were broken up. 

I kissed your lips and when your face looked sad It made me think about him and that you still loved him so [S2 Stede to Ed and Izzy, separately] You didn't think, no, that I could sit around and watch him take yo You didn't think that I could sit back and let you go

Izzy, S1, hoping that the duel would get Ed back.

Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder) 

Ed/Izzy. Those first moments of reconciliation, when it’s just the two of them. They can’t really talk about it, not yet, but they can sit together, shoulder to shoulder [well, shoulder to upper arm more like], hands gently clasped, and just be. 

I can hear so much in your sighs And I can see so much in your eyes There are words we both could say Come close, close your eyes and be still Don't talk, take my hand and let me hear your heart beat

Sloop John B

Stede/Izzy, that night that Ed left. Stede’s excitement at being respected as a real pirate, giving way to his anxiety over Ed. Izzy helps him through it. 

Around Nassau town we did roam Drinkin' all night Got into a fight Well, I feel so broke up I wanna go home Call for the captain ashore, let me go home

You Still Believe in Me 

Ed/Izzy. Ed’s wonder and gratitude that Izzy, against all odds, stays. 

Every time we break up, you bring back your love to me And after all I've done to you, how can it be You still believe in me

God Only Knows 

Steddyhands. No explanation needed. 

If you should ever leave me Well, life would still go on, believe me The world could show nothing to me So what good would living do me?

[happyandticklish]

ok writing out my thoughts is a lot harder than i expected because there’s just so little scenarios that izzy would Let himself be vulnerable in.

but say there’s been a raid, and izzy’s been injured. nothing huge, but his hand’s a little messed up. he knows he should go to roach for anything like that but that would mean admitting to a weakness, no matter how small, which he just won’t do. he won’t do that! so he makes a bandage out of spare rags and continues with his duties fine enough, but then stupid fucking stede bonnet comes along always caring about people and fussing over something minor like that, and izzy would never willingly accept help from him of all people but apparently everyone is against him today and ed’s ordering him to let stede at least take a look and he can’t just. refuse. he’s a dick but an order is an order and he’s going to follow it. so he agrees (with tons of complaining and rolled eyes), and finds himself hours later in the captains shared cabin, sat on a chair that’s far too soft with a cup of tea on the table that’s far too hot, stede’s on some rant about how “silly” he is for risking an infection for his reputation, and izzy considers leaving, slamming the door in his face and going to bed because 1) they hate each other and 2) he’s FINE. but ed is sat opposite to them, because he knows izzy and stede well enough that there’s no way in hell he’ll leave them alone together or they’ll be duelling in less than 20 seconds, and izzy knows ed well enough to know that upsetting his little boyfriend is a one way ticket back to square one. so he stays, uncharacteristically quiet save for a few complaints here and there. he’s thankful that stede also doesn’t want him there any longer than he has to, because it goes by quite quickly. but somewhere between cleaning and redressing his hand, stede’s being too gentle. he hisses and yanks his hand back, and bonnet looks up at him almost sympathetically, muttering something about knowing it hurts but he needs to get it over and done with, so izzy places it back onto his lap and turns away, biting his gloved knuckle to stop himself making anymore embarrassing noises. and apparently he can’t have any peace today, because ed’s clearly caught on, and the stupid smirk he’s wearing hasn’t been seen since they were younger, before blackbeard and first mate hands, when it was all muffled giggles and late night tickle fights, and for some odd reason his chest aches a little, but he has no time to think about it because it really tickles, and stede’s gotta be stupider than he looks because there’s no way he’s not realised between all the scuffed boots and huffs and slightly red face, but he seems … oblivious? and izzy’s never been so happy for something to finally be over.

“come back tomorrow mate, yeah? just to make sure, can’t risk you being out of duty.” ed says innocently enough, but the shiteating grin he has makes him more nervous than he cares to admit, so he nods and leaves without even a thank you. and when he’s finally out of earshot, the first thing stede says once he stands is “ticklish?”, and ed cackles.

Dude

DUDE

This is such an incredible concept you can't just casually drop this in my inbox!!!

This flustered me a tad more than I'm willing to admit lol. Because as stated before, Izzy absolutely has ticklish hands, and I can completely see this scenario happening. And the bit about Izzy reminiscing on past tickle fights I am going to cry you cannot just bring shit like that up

And Stede's innocent little, "Ticklish?" at the end is so cute too. Because you know Stede would never use it against him but Ed for sure will and absolutely rats out the fact that Izzy doesn't mind it later on. Not that Stede isn't still hesitant for fear of Izzy killing him asjgjhjki

Thank you so, SO much for this, this is actually my new favorite thing in the world <3

[amuseoffyre]

I'm having so many emotions right now about Ed and the language of face-touching for him.

Body touching is a different thing. There’s so much of that, I can’t even track it. From the word go, Ed is happy to get in peoples’ personal space, slap them on the back, clasp their hand, squeeze their arm, hug them when a plan goes the right way. But the face? That’s a whole other thing for him.

I've been tracking it through the show (as well as in other people) and most touches to face are done in an act of violence or implicit control/threat in the pirates’ experience - Ed's dad striking his mother, Jackie to Olu and Jim (and Stede, if you include the knife), Geraldo to Jim, Ed to the French captain, Izzy to Ed and Fang. I’m sure there are more I’m forgetting.

And because it got long again, I’ll pop it behind a read-more.

I'm on episode 5 now at the banquet and Antoinette reaches out to tweak Ed's beard ribbon when he’s already in a state of high stress because of the entire party situation.

For him, someone’s hand coming close to his face has a legacy of violence and he explodes out of his chair in an instinctive and defensive panic, raising cutlery as a weapon. Of course, the hosts think it’s all a big joke, which makes things worse for Ed because he’s just been kicked into a familiar fight-mode but in completely unfamiliar setting.

Which leads me into episode 6 and the bathtub scene. Ed’s emotions have been creeping closer and closer to the surface from the minute he landed on Stede’s ship and when he has his breakdown over the kraken, he goes somewhere he can hide himself like a child crawling under a bed, wrapping himself in a comforter, to keep the scary things at bay.

In comes Stede, who talks to him gently and listens to him without calling him a terror or a monster. Even when Ed admits he’s meant to murder Stede, Stede doesn’t get upset, he just listens, offers an alternative and then - when Ed is on the verge of tears - reaches down to gently squeeze his shoulder.

And then my little heart went to bits as Ed, who doesn’t let people touch his face, curls like a kicked animal to timidly press his cheek to Stede’s hand. He initiates the contact. He places his face in Stede’s hands, trusting him not to hurt him.

This is the point where Ed starts to try and draw himself back, saying he should leave. Ed has been steadily falling for Stede from the word go and he’s starting to see how it’s affecting him and honestly, it’s scaring him. He doesn’t think he deserves it and is waiting for the moment when he breaks it all becuse he’s so sure he’s a monster.

And yet he gets drawn into Stede’s treasure hunt project because - despite how mortifying it is - he likes the man too much. So much so that when they’re eating together, he doesn’t even hesitate to let this soft, silly little man gently clean his beard for him. While gazing at him so softly. I mean look at him. You can practically see the hearteyes.

Ed, at this point, is past the point of no return. He is head over heels and to him, Stede is good and safe and not any kind of threat. Which honestly, ironic given the disaster that follows.

Which leads me on to the cliffside at sundown.

This is when he lays himself bare, when he makes himself entirely vulnerable, showing Stede the very heart of him, and that’s the first time he touches him on the face. It’s tender and intimate. It’s as much a giving of trust as receiving it for him. It’s taking this soft, precious thing in his hand and letting himself hold it for the first time.

And then everything falls apart.

The next time someone touches him on the face, is it any wonder he reacts with such violence? He’s back where he belongs, in the world of monsters where you can’t trust anyone. And what’s worse is that he believes he belongs there. After all, Stede left him behind despite everything. People like Ed don’t get fine things or soft things or kind touches to the cheek. That’s not how his world works.

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Ed and Izzy are hard for me because I don’t know enough of their past to know what I’m seeing. Were they ever good to each other, or for each other? Have they ever understood each other at all? Did they get hurt together, turn into pirates together? Were they friends first before the brutality of their life killed that? Or has Izzy only ever been attached to a myth whose power he loved and whose heart he’d never seen?

I don’t like Izzy’s “loyalty.” It’s greedy, not goodhearted. He does seem to believe that brutality is just realism, but he’s actively feeding the horror. He encourages Ed to trust no one else; is exasperated, not sympathetic, with his increasing misery; tells him the crew would mutiny if not for him, claims he’s the one holding everything together (maybe true, maybe exaggerated—his interactions with the crew involve him mostly complaining to them about Ed!).

When Ed wants to meet Stede, he tries to set up a misunderstanding that will get Stede killed instead of taking the message Ed asked him to (has he stopped Ed getting to know anyone else?). When that fails he threatens to leave; when he realizes Ed’s not really set on killing Stede, he tries to kill him against Ed’s will (claiming it’s what’s best and Ed needs Izzy to rescue him from himself!).

Finally he betrays them. Izzy refuses to become a willing member of the Revenge crew like the others. Izzy wants to be First Mate Hands or God. And Izzy gets that power from Ed, and he only has power over Ed when he’s volatile and miserable and unable to manage alone.

He can’t sustain that if Ed feels safe. He can’t convince him their life should stay the same if Ed’s got something better. He doesn’t want to change and grow too; he wants Ed to stay who he’s been, unless he really will murder Stede and let Izzy have it all. Then maybe Izzy would let him go. It’s the only thing that gives him pause. He isn’t going to stop for Ed’s happiness, and he is willing to destroy it in the end.

It shocks me that Ed lets him back on the ship after his betrayal. But for a long time Ed has let Izzy do what he does. Izzy takes care of business for him; he makes his life easier; he bolsters his reputation, and as a pirate who secretly can’t kill anyone directly, Ed really needs that bolstering. He likes how Izzy makes him look. After everything, he doesn’t know how to survive the world without Stede’s gentle courage making him feel safe, or Izzy’s brutality making him feel shielded. Ed telling Izzy that he’s still Blackbeard, and Izzy saying no, he’s not? That he can’t command Izzy’s respect or his protection? That rattles him.

If Izzy doesn’t see him as Blackbeard any more, he won’t help the men see that; he won’t help the world see that. And then Ed will be really alone. Easy pickings. And he’s spent so long as Blackbeard; it has to feel unfair to lose that, too. For all he was sick of it, and trapped in it, his reputation is all he has left.

The closest parallel I can see to Ed and Izzy in the show is Stede and Mary. Neither of them are good for each other. They actively bring out the worst in each other—half by selfishness, half by not really understanding who each other could become, given the chance. But for a long time they rely on each other for stability, anyway. I don’t think they’ve imagined yet who they could be, at the start. But even if they have, Mary needs Stede’s last name and Stede needs her heterosexuality, in the world they live in; polite society would eat them up if she became a bohemian artist with a lover, or he became an adventurer and loved a man. So they go on until he can’t bear it (and then try again until she can’t).

It’s not that they’re helpless. All of them have agency in what they’re doing—Stede chooses not to talk about his misery with Mary when she invites him to (I think I’ve heard you crying? Alone?) and never asks her if he can go. Mary gives up on communication thoroughly enough to try murder as her final out (objectively fucked up even if it’s played as funny). Meanwhile Ed chooses to yank Izzy’s hopes around (you’ll be captain!), lets him do the dirty work, and later maims him to force his respect; Izzy chooses to betray who Ed loves and threaten and belittle him until he goes cold again.

None of them are good to each other. But Stede and Mary find a way to release each other in the end, even if they dodge the social consequences via fuckery; Ed could only manage to passively watch Izzy sent off with Stede there, and then takes him straight back after Stede is gone. Ed chooses to use Izzy’s need to be needed, and Izzy refuses to let him grow. It’s going to have to end in crisis, somehow. They can’t let each other go.

[mental-scurvy]

I can’t stop thinking about the scene in ep 4 where Izzy is about to leave the ship and Ed convinces him to stay.

Because if we view the characters as real people: what a fucked up dynamic, yeah? Ed is visibly fatigued with the effort of keeping Izzy around but does it anyway. He can’t stand to perform the version of himself that Izzy loves, but also can’t bear to let go.

Izzy, on the other hand, has come to some understanding that their relationship has spoiled beyond redemption. He’s ready to leave amicably, removing himself from a situation that has clearly become toxic for the both of them. And then Ed says no, I need you and Izzy walks back in to a burning building to serve a man that no longer exists. Interesting, right?

But this is a great opportunity to step back from Izzy-as-person, and dive into Izzy as as a symbol. Just like we can read the Badmintons to represent Stede’s feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred, Izzy serves to embody all of Ed’s toxic masculinity and aggression, obsession with reputation, etc. When we look at that scene from this perspective, we get a delicious deep dive into the situation at hand.

Ed has had the night of his life. Almost died, crafted a pretty insane plan, and pulled it off with a strange man he can’t help but be drawn to. He wakes up to gentle sunlight and kindness and good food. He’s wearing clothes made of fabric finer than he ever thought he deserved, on a ship where anything goes so long as everyone has a good time. Ed is standing in the doorway of the life he never thought he could have, and when he offers to show Stede the ropes of pirating Ed is saying “yes. yes. I want this.”

But embracing that life is not without consequences, is it? Because Izzy is leaving, and in order to dive fully into the silly queer world of the Revenge Ed has to let him. Ed has to set aside his own ideas about masculinity and power in order to get the life he’s always wanted, and he can’t. At least not yet. And so, instead, he has a plan. Instead of letting himself embrace this community and all it has to offer, he decides to pull it up by the roots. He'd rather kill Stede and hold on to the parts of himself he’s not ready to let go of.

And maybe it’s because he can’t let himself believe that such luxuries would be offered openly, without any expectation. Maybe letting himself sink into the world of marmalade and soft things feels impossibly sweet, and so he has to create a way of getting those things that’s as harsh and violent as the world he’s coming from.

Maybe he doesn’t think he really wants what’s being offered, that he only wants the trappings of wealth: the money, the parties, the power, the ability to rest. That whatever else the Revenge is up to has nothing to do with the joy and excitement he feels.

But above all he needs Izzy, doesn’t know how to face the world without the hypermasculinity, hostilty, and aggression that has kept him safe his whole life.  He doesn’t understand that so much of what makes the Revenge a magical place is its defiance of what Izzy represents.

In pursuing what he wants (Stede’s fortune) in the ways he knows how (violence, deceit) he’s actually setting himself back. He’s trying to enter a new life on the legs of an old one, and it’s doomed to fail from the start. And it’s achingly tragic, because he can’t see that this new world has been ready for him -- for Ed -- this whole time.

He says he needs Izzy, needs his own masculinity and violence, because he’s afraid to admit the truth. That maybe he doesn’t need Izzy at all, that the best thing to do is to let his cruelest impulses row away on a dinghy and let himself be embraced as a more complex and vulnerable person than he’s ever had the chance to be.

[knowlesian]

sorry for spamming your inbox, but your posts are giving me a lot of feelings

when we get a reconciliation in season two, I absolutely want to see Stede apologize to Ed for making him feel abandoned and alone because he knew Ed was waiting for him and he made a choice to leave him without any word

but I also want to see Ed's reaction to hearing why Stede didn't show up that night. because Stede was abducted at gunpoint by someone who wanted to kill him. up until Chauncey shot himself, Stede was in very real danger and rightly feared for his life. that alone is traumatizing, and then you pile on Chauncey throwing every one of his insecurities and perceived failures in his face (tough enough to hear at a regular time, let alone in a state of heightened anxiety and fear) and then Chauncey blew his brains out in front of Stede, who almost immediately convinced himself that this death was his fault, too.

I wanna see Ed's reaction to that, because you know Stede would try to downplay what happened, or blame himself for it, and I think Stede really needs someone to tell him that Chauncey was wrong and his death was not Stede's fault

DO NOT APOLOGIZE i’m gonna take this moment to have feelings back in casual form while i eat dinner

because like, that’s the thing i love about this show: a lot of media has like, the steady character and the troubled character and it’s the steady one’s job to be so fucking healthy they NEVER need help and play emotional support staff. 

instead, everybody here supports each other, in turn. it’s why i cry AND scream when jim returns to olu when he most needs it and least expects them to roll back up. that's how the ideal peak of being in a relationship works, in the ideal world where somehow the “i’m having a good week” and the “i’m having a bad week” hats swap off in turn.

that’s the heartbreaking thing (lol “the”, it’s all a gut punch) about what happens with ed and stede. in a perfect world, stede would have been able to see past how much he’s internally terrified he is not worth love and known that the best answer here was: go talk to ed. explain this fear, and then they both go back so stede can makes amends to mary and the kids. 

but he’s scared, it’s the middle of the fucking night and he just saw his worst nightmare play itself out AGAIN after yelling all the gross, middle of the night things he’s terrified of in his fucking face and confirming he’s right to think any of it. (shades of izzy and ed!!!! ohhhh, this show.)

because in another perfect world, ed would have seen past izzy’s own protective shield to the mountains of fear beneath and kindly but firmly told him no, izzy. we do talent shows now. you don’t like it? the door’s thattaway, but i wish you would unclench for half a second and give enjoying literally anything without making it weird or violent a try.

we do not live in a perfect world!!! these are both imperfect men, who have been damaged by the world around them; they aren’t always going to make the optimal choices when under extreme emotional stress, much like... everyone ever. in the history of the world. ever.

and even beyond that: they are playing the roles the world told them they should play, in these moments. (it’s all an act, the LITERAL SHOW SAID.)

which is part of why i’m so excited to see them eventually find a way back to each other again, because even if stede is gonna have to do some heavy lifting here to push past ed’s instinct to protect himself from being hurt again, they fucking love each other. when ed hurts, stede hurts; when stede hurts, ed hurts. (and, i would bet, a lot of ed’s anger comes from the motivations he can’t help but read into being left. getting left just sucks no matter how you slice it, but look what happened with mary when stede was finally honest with her. i think this show is ready to see ed and stede validate each other in a very similar way.)

[barkilphedros-hat]

But Stede could’ve gone down to the beach, and he didn’t. He knew Edward was waiting for him. He got guilty and scared. Having a crush on Blackbeard is one thing-  being in a relationship with the most notorious pirate in the world? I’m giving up everything you know to move to the other side of the world, to live as an alien?

I actually understand Blackbeard‘s response better than Stede’s. Stede should have gone down to the beach and explained that he felt guilty for abandoning his family and needed to check on them, but he (cowardly) just left and didn’t explain. So I support Ed going full pirate. I mean I hope they can find a way back to each other obviously but Ed’s reaction makes sense to me 😊

Oh no don’t get me wrong I am ~here~ for Ed’s Heartbroken Villain arc! I want some operatic levels of dramatic bullshit from him and his messy eyeliner 👏👏

But in the time Ed’s known Stede, the guy’s been attacked by the Spanish Navy, Izzy, and then the British Navy. Stede might as well have a neon sign above his head saying: “KICK MY ASS”

Stede’s decision to leave was undoubtedly a Stupid Fucking Move (my friend YELLED at him for that when we watched it) but I think it’s important to remember that, in the space of roughly 10 minutes of being woken up, Stede got ~kidnapped~ at gun point, psychologically bullied by Badminton, and then re-traumatised all over again with the accidental gunshot. Running away from Ed and going home, without communicating why, was a terrible choice on his part, but I highly doubt his mental state was in the right place for that sort of life-changing choice.

HHe 100% needed time away from Ed to work his feelings out, without getting swept up in Ed’s enthusiasm for a new life. I fully believe Ed has recognised he’s in love with Stede, but hasn’t realised that Stede can’t even recognise his feelings yet. It just came at Stede too fast. Way too much way too soon. Ed thinks they’re in the grand finale of their love story whereas Stede’s still in the opening pages😭

HOWEVER (and I’m AWARE this is just me reading way too much into things), I’m curious about the third party in Ed’s escape plan. All we get is a quick glimpse of Some Guy while Ed’s talking about how he’s meant to wake Stede and take him to the beach. Who is that guy? Why did Ed trust him with something so important as getting Stede to freedom? The tiny glimpse we do get seems to be a guy in naval uniform, so is it too much of a stretch to think maybe he told Badminton where Stede was? I dunno, I just think that’s a thread that might be fun to explore in future 😅 Perhaps the guy will recognise Ed as ‘the guy who escaped from the barracks’ and apologise for not getting Stede out because the Admiral got there first? (If *THAT’S* the way Ed learns of Stede’s “death” and subsequently gets worse because he thinks Stede died that night and he never even went back to check David Jenkins will have to personally foot my therapy bill-)

(Side note: I will say, however, that I ADORED the fact we got proper closure with Mary and the children. 😍😍 It would have been so easy for the writers to reduce her to yet another bully in Stede’s life to make his choice to run away seem more justified but they didn’t. She also deserved a proper closure and I hope she and Doug have happy, artsy sex forever. Doug seemed like a sweetheart 🥺)

[elocyn]

What i love about the end of ep 8 is that it marks a total shift for Edward. Once he made the decision to go back to Stede, Ed’s unconditional love and loyalty to him is now conscious.

And it makes decisions so easy.

Stede’s about to be confronted by the English? Ok, stand by him even though it means inevitable defeat, a trial, and probably death. Stede’s about to be executed for piracy without him? Alright, give up pirating forever to be together. Stede’s having a hard time adjusting? Ok switching gears, time to whip up an escape plan to travel the world, bribe a guard & rob a guy for a boat, and task Stede with having fun coming up with new names (which btw I love bc it plays to their respective strengths— piracy and wordplay).

Before, Ed would adhere to pirate custom whether or not he liked it (not stopping Stede’s duel with Izzy, planning on leaving because “a ship can’t have two captains”). After ep 8 he finds himself totally free from those arbitrary rules and barriers. Everything is quite simple really— it’s just about whether something helps Stede and Ed be happy & safe together, or if it stands in the way.

idk i just <3 watching Ed free himself from those burdens and become a lighter, happier person as a result (however temporarily)

[hellsfiction]

There are headcanons about Izzy Hands coming from wealth. And there are kid fics where Ed and Stede meet as kids. But I’m coming at you with the heart breaking idea that Izzy Hands came from wealth, AND he and Ed knew each other as kids.

This by the way is entirely inspired by @theorderofthetriad‘s post here and @favouritefi‘s kid Izzy and Ed art, specifically this one

Alright. Full idea under the cut!

Ed’s mum works for a big, rich family, the kind of family that has lots of beautiful things. And once or twice, Ed accompanies his mum to the estate, helping her carry stuff or just so she can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.

This is where he meets Israel for the first time. He’s small and quiet and keeps out of his parent’s way. He’s only ever interacted with other kids like him, rich kids who are meant to be seen and not heard, and so he’s enamored with Ed who, when not around his father, is bright and loud. He sneaks Ed sweets and listens, enraptured, to stories about growing up at the docks.

One time Ed is there, Israel has a bruise on his cheek, angry and red, and one of the servant boys that Israel would sometimes exchange shy smiles and quiet conversations with has been dismissed. Ed doesn’t pry. He knows how this works.

And then one night Ed turns up under Israel’s bedroom window. It’s the middle of a storm, and he’s soaked, his eyes are wide, he’s shaking. He tells Israel he didn’t know where to go: He can’t go home anymore. 

He killed his dad.

Israel lets him sleep in his room that night, and when Ed has finally fallen asleep he stays awake for a while longer, staring at him before finally tucking as close as he dared and falling asleep as well.

Ed hides out in Israel’s room for a few days longer, pondering on what he’s going to do next. One day, when Israel comes back from his lessons, Ed has packed up what little he had, and is ready to leave. He’s gonna work on a ship, he’s decided. It’ll be shitty at first, but one day he’s going to be someone worth something. A rich merchant, or a world renowned explorer, or a fierce captain. He ruffle’s Israel’s hair and climbs out of the window.

He’s just agreed to menial work on a ship for 2 shilling a week when he hears Israel yelling his name. Israel, bag slung over his shoulder, runs down the dock and insists on joining Edward. The boatswain Ed had been talking to just shrugs and adds him to the payroll, and no matter how often Ed tells him to go home, Israel is stubborn. He hates living at the Estate. And if Ed is going to be a fierce captain one day, he needs an equally fierce first mate.

And fuck, that would just be the first chapter. As they set sail Izzy would have to learn to live without the crutch of wealth, and proves himself to be downright feral when Ed is threatened. I can’t commit to another multi chapter fic guys, I’m already working on the role reversal fic, which I’ve deleted twice because I’m not happy with it!

[izzyholdmyhands]

I believe that what Izzy needs for a true, full redemption is to leave Edward entirely.

This could include eventually finding someone who will love him as he needs to be loved (perhaps the ring on his tie would come into play, whether the person it’s from is alive or dead), but mostly he and Ed need a clean, long break from each other.

I’m imagining then they’d have the kind of relationship Ed and Jack did (or do, if Jack survived that cannon shot)—they’ll cross paths every now and then, catch up, reminisce, but ultimately part ways again.

And as much as I love the idea of Izzy still hanging around, sort of like a disgruntled cat who refuses to show affection but is happy to sit on the other side of the same room as you, I don’t think him staying with the crew after Stede’s return and his and Ed’s reunion and reconciliation would allow Izzy to grow as his own person at all.

Of course this is all speculation (every day without a season 2 confirmation is a day closer to me breaking into HBO headquarters and renewing it myself), but if this were to happen, I think it would be really interesting to see Izzy realize that he had a hand in Ed’s pain just like Stede did—whereas Stede left Ed heartbroken, Izzy pushed him to become Blackbeard™️, the Kraken, once again, a side of himself that brings Ed pain as well.

I’ve read a lot of meta about the fact that Izzy isn’t manipulative—not intentionally, at least. He remembers when Ed was happy as Blackbeard, and he wants him to be that way again. In his mind, he’s helping Ed—Blackbeard is who survives in the pirating world, not Edward “Namby Pamby In A Silk Dressing Gown Pining For His Boyfriend” Teach. Just look at Bonnet—he couldn’t handle it. He was too soft, he left. Ed can’t leave the pirating life. It’s all he has, all he knows, and so he has to be cruel to survive it. I’m thinking of Izzy’s continued insistence in episode 4 that if Ed doesn’t come up with a plan, they’ll die. He wants to keep fighting… as long as Ed is there with him.

However, when Izzy sees this version of Blackbeard who’s even crueler than before, he’s going to realize that Ed can’t just “go back” to being Blackbeard. He was fundamentally changed by his time with Stede, and trying to return is only going to hurt him more in the long run.

Hopefully, if this happens, that’s when he realizes that he hurt Ed as well. And if not at that point, then ESPECIALLY when Stede returns and he and Ed start to reconcile with one another, that is when I think he would realize that all he and Ed do is hurt one another (because as much as Izzy seems to have enjoyed, well, episode ten, he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, and I could see Blackbeard treating him increasingly worse in season 2 if the creators decide to go that route)

That’s when Izzy could decide to leave. Because he doesn’t want Ed to be hurt! He cares about him, in his own misguided way!

Like I said, I wouldn’t want him to be gone from Ed’s life forever. But if Ed wants to move on from his life as Blackbeard, Izzy needs to do some ~soul searching~ on his own to figure out how to live his own life. And I really don’t think he’d be able to do that if he was still around Ed and the rest of the crew, since they would serve as constant reminders of his life as Blackbeard’s Right Hand Man.

He doesn’t have to be Blackbeard’s Right Hand Man—he just has to be Izzy. He deserves to be just Izzy.

[scientia-rex]

Okay I’m REAL fuckin shitfaced but I’m gonna try to type anyway. Here we go. Nice and slow.

The ideas of masculinity and homophobia come up repeatedly in OFMD. This question of whether fucking men makes you inherently soft. So it’s not a non-entity. It’s the thing that finally gets Ed to play Blackbeard again, that word, boyfriend. Izzy spitting it out like a curse. You can’t tell me this is a world without homophobia, because it’s not.

But the relationship is inherently more complicated. “God knows Blackie and I have had our dalliances.” Right there, without a clear top/bottom dynamic like we like to see—like we like for clarity about who’s a “real” man and who isn’t.

So what’s the deal? Where do we leave role, top v bottom, behind? Where does love fit into all of this?

I don’t know. But after I finish my current vid I might try to find out.

[cicadahaze]

Here’s my entry to the @pnatsecretsanta for 2020! @quarktrinity, I hope you enjoy! It’ll be crossposted to ao3, link will be in a reblog. Thank you for your patience!

Isabel: hey so

Isabel: when are u going to get here

Max: wat?

Max: its xmas ev

Isabel: you really need to get a new phone

Isabel: and remember? youre supposed to come to my place tonight, wait it out

Isabel: max?

Isabel: if you were spacing out again im going to kill you

Isabel: you WERE doing the face again now that i think about it

Max: u guys ned 2 mak imprtnt info cler. Y i spcd

Isabel: you need to listen! this time mr spender remembered to tell u and everything. youre not allowed to be mad at us this time

Isabel: in short, get ur butt over here before midnight. sneak out if u need to, thats what isaac does

Isabel: in long, if u dont santas gonna kill u

----

“Let me get this straight.” 11:30 P.M. December 24th, 20XX. Max sat in Ed’s room on a chair hastily drawn up, with a jacket pulled hastily over his pajamas and hat still jammed on his head, massaging his temples. “Santa’s real, he’s a spirit, and he hates all spectrals and is coming to kill us?”

“That’s a bit of an oversimplification, but yeah,” Isaac said, and Max shot him a glare. He could hear that smugness. “So like, there’s a lot of spirits that kinda grow from ideas humans have, right? I don’t know what’s up with Scrapdragon, but like, Muse came from the ideas around ancient Greek muses, like his name. They can be really off base but still have the same ideas- like Lucifer, Mr. Spender’s spirit, is just some lightbulb guy, but Lucifer does mean light and stuff, so they can just be along those lines. But like, a LOT of kids believe in Santa and think about him a lot, so there’ve been a few spirits that manifested around the idea of a guy who can get anywhere to deliver presents to good kids and punishments to bad ones, especially with stories like Krampus too.”

“But most spirits can’t interact with humans, so this guy mostly goes around to other spirits and ghosts and stuff,” Isabel said, distracted by her attempts to spin her umbrella like a top. “So he likes spirits a lot. And we kick a lot of spirit butt,” she punctuated this with a particular spirited spin of the umbrella, “so he hates us and comes to try to kill us every year. And because he can teleport, he can get inside the barrier. So gramps makes us all stay with him until sunrise every year so that all the adults can fight off santa and his reindeer so we don’t get put in a sack and teleported somewhere.”

Max groans and tries to fall backwards in his chair, but the chair doesn’t budge. “Your paint really isn’t good for drama,” Max informed Ed.

“Don’t be so dramatic then,” Ed snickered. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Says you, You just stay at home all night. I have to sneak out! My dad’ll kill me if he finds out!”

“I just put a pillow in my blankets and it’s fine,” Isaac says with a shrug. “If your dad looks harder than that, we probably have a tool lying around that can wipe memories or something.”

“I don’t want to mind wipe my dad,” Max grumbled, but resigned himself to slumping grumpily in his chair to watch Ed play some punching game or whatever. Bad enough that his own baseball bat might want to eat him, and he was trapped in this town with no way out- now Christmas hated him too. 

Isaac caught his eye and smiled sympathetically. “You get used to it,” he whispered.

“I thought I was used to it a month ago.”

Max jumped as a knock on the door sounded, glaring at Isabel’s laughter. The door opened without waiting for a response. Mr. Spender poked his head in through the door with a goofy grin. “Alright, kids! You all ready for this year’s Christmas night?”

Ed didn’t even look away from his video game, waving lazily. “We could use some snacks. That’d be nice.”

“Yeah, where are the snacks, old man? You want us to starve?” Isabel waved her umbrella at him like a grumpy old woman might a cane.

“You’re well fed enough already. I made sure of that.” It spoke wonders to how used to this existence Max had become that Mr. Spender knocking politely had scared him, but Isabel’s grandpa floating through the wall didn’t. The man’s bulk and imperious gaze still caused him some anxiety, though, and he had to consciously remind himself that he’s a punk, he’s cool, and he doesn’t respect anyone’s authority, even a scary ghost’s. Yeah, totally. 

The atmosphere of the room quickly shifted, and Isabel’s eyes dropped. “Yeah, I was just joking. Sorry, Grandpa.”

“Joke or not, this night is too much effort to make light of. My students and I are putting ourselves at risk for you,” Mr. Guerra said, looming over the room, “so only vocalize a need if you need it.”

Isabel glowered at the carpet. “Alright, Grandpa…”

“So. I will ask again. Are you all prepared? Midnight strikes soon.”

“We are, sir,” Isaac said. Max fought not to pull a face at Isaac’s please pay attention to me, authority figure tone, but for once it was helpful, so whatever. He could let it slide. 

Mr. Guerra eyed Isaac. “...good. We’ll get you once the sun begins to rise.” And with that, he turned away and slid down through the floor. Max could already hear him barking at the pupils below.

Mr. Spender grimaced. “Well… good! Everything’s all set then.”

Isabel grumbled, picking at the carpet.

“...trust me,” Mr. Spender said, forcing audibly fake cheer into his voice, “This isn’t a hassle at all. You guys getting stuffed into a sack- now, that would be quite the kerfuffle!”

They all stared as Mr. Spender slowly deflated. “...sure,” Max said. “Uh, we’ll be good, stay up here, it’s fine.”

“Great.” Mr. Spender nodded, stared awkwardly for a moment, and stepped out the door. “Well, Merry Christmas, children!” He shut the door behind him. Max listened with the others as his footsteps hurried down the hall to the stairwell.

Silence reigned for a few minutes, a distinctly uncomfortable experience for Max. It was almost impossible not to ramble, and he was reaching his breaking point and about to open the floodgates of inane and overly verbose chatter when Ed, thankfully, took point.

“That sucked,” he said simply, and Isabel groaned and fell back.

“I hate when he does that!” Isabel laid her umbrella by her side and waved her hands in the air exasperatedly. “It’s like he has no in between and I’m always either The Best And He’s So Disappointed In Me For Not Being Perfect or A Helpless Kid He Needs To Do Everything For! He always gets like this tonight!”

Ed paused his game, and reached around to pat her on the knee. “I mean, we could prove him wrong. We beat up spirits all the time, how hard could this be?”

“Okay, hold up, hand on,” Max said. “No? I- this is a terrible idea, you just got finished telling me about how if I wasn’t here I’d be killed by Santa, and now you want to go out there and fight Santa?”

“Well, not Santa,” Ed said. “Duh. He mostly just sends his reindeer to do everything and hangs out on rooftops.”

“And no offence Max, but uh…” Isaac scratched the back of his head.

“You’d totally get killed if you were on your own.” Isabel flipped herself upright. “All you got is that dinky bat, and magnet powers. You can’t even do a spec shot, dude, you’d get thrown in a sack in no time. We’d be fine.”

Max crossed his arms. “Alright, screw you too.”

“But other than that… that sounds like it could be pretty fun.” Isabel grinned. “Show the old man and his big dumb deer who’s boss. Maybe then he’ll stop coming to Mayview every year.”

“That would be pretty nice actually.” Isaac was clearly thinking hard- he had his broody face on. “I would like to stop having to sneak out every year. Sooner or later my parents will notice.”

Max shuddered. “Actually, yeah, Isaac has a point. I don’t want to die to Rudolph or anything, but if we keep having to do this, I’ll die to my dad, which is way worse honestly.”

“Your dad’s a teddy bear,” Isabel said, and rolled her eyes. “Stop complaining.”

“You haven’t seen him when I fail a test!”

“So are we going or what?” Isabel was already pulling her jacket back on, tucking her umbrella firmly under her arm. Ed bounced on the balls of his feet with a grin, already eyeing up the window and painting himself a rope. 

Max looked at Isaac, who shrugged and got to his feet. Max sighed, and stood up, regretfully leaving his scooter on the floor. “Yeah, alright. We’re going.”

Well, Max was regretting this. He was regretting this so much. He tromped through the snowy woods, eternally grateful for his boots. “Why in the world do we have to fight the spirits of Christmas in the woods? Why can’t we do it in town, or like, on the road at least? The roads we salted. The roads wouldn’t be as cold.”

“Cuz we’d get caught, dummy,” Isabel snorted. Or maybe it was a sniffle. “Either someone from the dojo would hear us and yell at us and get in the way before we can prove anything, or someone in town would yell at us and call the cops or something.”

“Maybe having people nearby to help isn’t a bad thing? You can’t just say that after saying that I’m the most likely person to die!”

“You came out here anyway,” Isaac pointed out, and looked all too unaffected by Max’s glare.

“I hate you. I hate you with everything in my being you- you chump elf.”

Isabel laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this place looks pretty good, huh?” She stopped, looking around the snowy clearing they’d come into and turning in place. She nodded, satisfied. “There’s room to fight here, and we could come up with some pretty solid traps. Isaac wouldn’t have to worry too much about blasting a bunch of trees.”

“Looks pretty good!” Ed pulled off a mitten with his teeth and dug his paint brush out of his pocket. “What’re you thinkin, Izzy? Tripwire? Net?”

“Let’s go net,” Isaac said. “They can fly.”

“Plus, last time you tripped Isaac, remember?” Isabel elbowed Ed in the side. “Max and I are pretty fast, but Isaac needs some help.”

“Please. I can jump higher than your house is tall.”

“But you still fell just flat on your face,” she cooed. Isaac grumbled, cursing her just loud enough for Isabel to overhear, but she just batted her eyes and paid him no mind. “Okay, so,” she said, looking up at the sky through the hole in the canopy, “we probably only have a few more minutes before one of the reindeer finds us-”

And that’s when a dark shape, faster than cheetah and twice as forceful, barrelled into Max.  And off he went, hanging by the hood of his jacket on a wicked sharp antler prong, into the sky and away to the sound of jingling bells.

----

Things were quiet this year, Richard reflected. It was honestly a relief- maybe the spirit had finally given up. Probably too much to hope for, but, Christmas miracles and all. In any case, there seemed to be plenty of time to get the kids some mugs of hot cocoa and cookies to wait out the night with.

“Need any help balancing those?” Day asked, and Richard felt his mood become momentarily strained.

“Actually, that would be nice, if you think you could.” The tray of mugs and cookies he was balancing was quite the challenge, after all. Day reached up and somehow grabbed the plates of cookies perfectly- Spender could swear he saw her eyes flash for a moment, smart woman- and left him to balance the four mugs. A much easier task now.

“I really thought things would be more eventful, with how much Francisco was fussing over it, but everything’s pretty quiet, isn’t it?” Day smiled and followed Richard’s footsteps to the stairs.

“Well, usually there’s more cause for it, but the spirits seem to be laying low this year. Not an unwelcome reprieve in the slightest, but I do worry about Max… if this isn’t the new status quo, I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

“He’s a- well, he seems like a really smart kid,” Day reassured him. “I think he’ll make sure to be careful next year too!”

“I hope so. He does seem resourceful, but… he can be reckless.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” she said, before stopping with a small frown on her face. “They’re being pretty quiet…”

Spender listened for a moment himself. “Hm, they are… mayhaps they went to bed early?”

“That doesn’t sound like them.”

“No,” he said, dread creeping into his heart. “It doesn’t.”

He set the tray of cookies on the floor. He approached Ed’s room. He knocked.

He opened the door.

Richard’s lips thinned into a grim line as he surveyed the dark room. “They’re gone.”

------

Max screamed for his life as he was lifted faster than he could process into the sky. It was a clear, starry night, and they all looked like streaks as his captor circled through the sky, closer and closer to the top of the dome before colliding headfirst into it. Max didn’t have any more air in his lungs to scream as he was jostled loose and began to fall down, down- only to be caught again, this time like a sack of potatoes on the spirit’s back. He was overwhelmed by the sound of silver bells as he caught his breath, eyes screwed tightly shut.

Eventually, his lungs rallied to his call, and he was able to take in an unpleasant few gulps of animal-scented air. Max cracked his eyes open a peek- and immediately shut them again. Too high. He was way, way too high up. His heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest, and the wind burned his face and the tips of his ears.

Hold on.

“My hat,” he wheezed reaching one hand up to grope the top of his head. “My hat’s gone!”

“Soon that will be of no matter.”

Max screamed- even he was getting fed up with his own screams at this point, but instinct didn’t seem to be on the same page.

“Quiet,” the rumbling voice said, and the spirit turned to look at Max. “Your sounds irritate me.”

The spirit that held Max on its back was by far the biggest deer of any Max had ever seen. It was shaggy and majestic, even as its fur was electric yellow, and its huge rack of knife-like antlers shivered as if they were made of candle flame. Its many eyes blinked, and it beared serrated teeth- a stark contrast to the many silver bells that seemed a part of its pelt. Max looked away, avoiding its cruel gaze, to see three pairs of legs, hooves thundering over empty air. And below him, seven more enormous shapes were blazing their way towards the distant forest clearing, led by an eerie red light. “Oh no, oooooh no, no no no no no no…”

“But yes, child. At last you have been retrieved, and soon your friends will be as well. Then, you can all face your punishment.” The spirit laughed cruelly. “I am Dasher, and I was simply the herald.”

“So you’re just, you’re just Dasher? Like from the poem? One of those things down there is…” Jeez, this was surreal. “...Donner? And, Vixen?”

“Many tremble in fear before those names. It would do you right to show some respect.”

“What? No, nobody does! You guys are like, goofy little stop motion dolls, man, how’d you guys end up looking like this?”

“Our powers are untold by your human poems-”

“Aren’t you guys based on the poems?!”

Dasher snorted and tossed his head in anger. “That is an egregious oversimplification-”

“I thought your name was Dasher, not Dictionary.”

The spirit cried out in frustration, and Max felt something in him settle a bit better. Poking things with words, he could do that. Just don’t look down. “So, uh,” he began, shifting a bit so it was less like he was thrown over Dasher and more like he was riding him, “why am I not in a sack yet?”

“Our pilot is attending to his annual business in Mayview,” Dasher growled. “It is we who have the ability to fight and fly- so it is we who collect naughty children. Once your compatriots have been obtained, then we may return to our stations.”

“Wow,” Max drawled. “I can’t believe Santa needs his reindeer to deal with three preteens.”

“You do have a teenager within your ranks. That does provide some extra challenge.”

“Whoa, wait, really?”

“Yes. He cannot fully be counted as a child by our pilot any longer- he has aged enough to become a teenager. It is not he that we seek.”

“Wow, that’s weirdly arbitrary and nitpicky.” Max was so going to tease Isaac about this later. If he didn’t, well, get thrown into a sack and… baked into a pie? Eaten alive? Thrown into a dungeon? Whatever. Try to be positive.

“If you take issue, you may air your complaints to our pilot.”

“Taking it straight to the manager, alright.” Max stared at his hands, balled in bright yellow fur, and took a deep breath as he relaxed them. He wasn’t going to fall, he was certain Dasher wouldn’t allow him, channel a Karen- and he released the fur, balancing on the spirit’s back with only his legs. Before he could lose his nerve, he swung his backpack off his shoulder and grabbed his bat. Okay, weapon acquired. Just… what to do with it.

Dasher huffed. “Puny weapon. Even with the power of an enslaved spirit, you cannot defeat me. Especially not with a spirit as weak as that one.”

“Ugh, not you too,” Max grumbled. At least this thing wasn’t getting aggressive. “I’m kinda tired of being called the weak one, it’s getting old.”

“It would have been better, then, if you had kept your power to yourself, and not bothered the true denizens of this world, as the other child does.”

“Other child-? You know what, I don’t know what you’re talking about and I do not care. Now let me think.” Max re-gripped Dasher tightly, this time grabbing the reigns, and looked around. Man, of course Max got magnet powers in the place where there’s no tall buildings anywhere- it would be great if they could pass by a skyscraper or two for Max to attach himself to. But alas… then, his eyes caught a gleam, a dark silhouette against the colorful lights of Mayview. 

A transmission tower in the woods. And they were heading right for it. Max shrugged his backpack back on to his shoulder and gripped his bat as tight as he could.

“Thinking will get you nowhere, child.”

“Yeah, but it’ll keep me quiet,” Max mumbled.

“True,” Dasher said. And started to turn back towards the clearing.

“No!” Max yelped, holding his bat out desperately- he knew the tower was too distant still, but he put all his will into the bat, trying to extend its power as far as he can-

Dasher lurched beneath him with a confused cry, the bells jangled, and Max’s focus was broken with a shout. Immediately, Dasher steadied beneath him.

“Child, if you do that again I will throw you off into the ground-”

“What- I don’t even know what I did-” Max’s breath caught as he realized what happened. The bells. They were metal, and he had what was definitely a terrible idea. But it was his only idea.

Quickly, before Dasher could retaliate, Max activated his bat. Dasher howled with rage as all the bells in his body strained in the direction of the magnetic center, and Max laughed with panic. 

“RELEASE ME AT ONCE-”

“No,” Max said, filled with thrill and panic, and directed Dasher back towards the clearing. The spirit barrelled towards it at supernatural speeds, a furious scream echoing through the night as he crashed into the snow like a comet. Max tumbled off of the spirit’s back, and the bat’s angle changed wildly, forcing Dasher in mad circles.

The other seven deer spirits, crowded in the woods, were as thrown into chaos as Isabel, Ed, and Isaac were, but Ed recovered fastest. “Max!” He crowed, head popping out of the snow. “You’re alive!”

“Somehow!” Max laughed, voice squeaky with panic. “For now!” In the corner of his eye, he noticed another spirit- a large one that was on fucking fire, so must be either Comet or Blitzen- and quickly swung his bat around to point at it. Dasher was forced to charge full speed into the other spirit, which dissolved into a wisp with a cry of shock.

Isabel whooped. “I can’t believe it! Magnet powers are good for something!”

“Serves you right!” He felt about to shake apart, and still dizzy from the crash, but spinning Dasher around like a top was easy enough- and the other jingling spirits were drawn in too. It was a glorious explosion of color, sound, and christmas spirits as one by one they melted each other away into whisps. Finally, only Dasher stood in the snow, puffing furious, cloudy breaths into the air.

“You will pay,” Dasher hissed. “Naughty children. You will not escape your punishment, this I swear to you.”

“Whatever you say, bub,” Ed chirped, and raised his scythe above his head.

“Wait!”

Max and the others turned back to look just in time to watch an arrow streak through the night and imbed itself in Dasher’s forehead. “No, no,” he groaned, watching Isabel’s face light up with glee.

Agent Day and Mr. Spender ran into the clearing, both panting and exhausted. “Thank goodness we found you,” Agent Day breathed, hands on her knees. “We were so worried that you were taken…”

“But I saw Dasher fall from the sky!” Spender’s chest heaved, and he swayed with effort, but he somehow managed to stay upright. “I’m so glad you’re all alright, even Dasher alone is quite the challenge to combat…”

“Nah, we got all of them.” Isabel grinned and punched her palm. “Max was able to yank ‘em around by the bells with his bat, and he got em all to poof each other. It was really easy to hit ‘em when they were all clumped up, too.”

“You- you really beat them all? Where are their tools?!”

“Right here, Mr. Spender!” Isaac called, arms full of a few rocks and sticks. “They’re, uh, not much to look at, but…”

“Amazing! Wonderful job, all of you- these will be great for the club’s stores!”

“But you shouldn’t have snuck out. We were so worried about you, and you’re glad we found you! Your grandfather is worried sick!” Agent Day wrung her hands together, cane stuck in the snow.

“Yes, he’s… not happy,” Spender admitted. “But, surely he’ll be proud when he finds out what you’ve accomplished?”

“Probably not,” Isabel sighed, sticking her hands in her pockets.

“...probably not.” Spender came over to put a hand on her shoulder. “But, for what it’s worth, I am.” Isabel looked up at him, then threw her arms around him. Spender smiled softly and hugged her in return.

“This is great,” Max groaned. “But I’m being crushed by a flippin’ reindeer, so can I get some help?”

Oblivious to Max’s irritation, Dasher continued licking Max’s hair life the reindeer he resembled. “You’re not so bad, I suppose. Resourceful child.”

“It always happens to me.”

“The arrow will at least last the night,” Agent Day said thoughtfully. “It should be safe for you to go home, in that case- you too, I think, Isaac! Since all the others are gone, after all… Maybe Dasher can take you home!”

“Nooooo!”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Ms. Day,” Spender said. “You could perhaps take Isaac and Ed back to the dojo, and I can take Isaac back to his home…?”

“Yes sir!” Day smiled. “Merry Christmas, Max, Isaac,” she said. “I hope you get back undetected.”

“Thank you, Ms. Day,” Isaac said. “You too.”

“You guys suck,” Max grumbled.

----

It took a bit for Max to wrangle Dasher into taking him home, but under Day’s spell, the spirit was a fairly easygoing ride. As Max climbed back in through his window to his undisturbed bed, he heard the spirit settle on the roof to keep watch for the sunrise. And, taking comfort in not being discovered and in the knowledge that next year, when he’s a teen, he won’t have to worry about any of this, Max changed back into his pajamas, settled into bed, and slipped into a deep sleep.

[ubernoxa]

The Sip: A GNR Modern Name AU

Chapter 7: An Award Show Interview

Previous Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

Taglist: @str4nge-haze

Chapter Summary: Alanah still has doubts that Duff likes her. Sandy is getting annoyed with how stupid Alanah is.

“What do you mean it only takes you a couple of minutes to get ready?” I stared at Duff in bewilderment as I continued to get ready. I had already finished my hair, and was currently attempting to do my eyeshadow,

My stomach performed backflips as his laughter filled my bathroom. I smiled as I looked at my phone. I wished we weren’t FaceTiming. I wished I was sitting on his couch next to him giggling at his stupid jokes.

It had been two weeks since he came over to the apartment and helped me cook for my livestream. The first week was filled with hopeful texts of hanging out that were quickly canceled because Axl had scheduled time for them to work on some band related stuff. The second week was mainly filled with text and late night calls with no attempt at meeting up.

I didn’t ever ask him to elaborate because he seemed rather...frustrated by it. After the second time he canceled our hangout time (or as Sandy teased, our date), he left me a couple of voicemails that consisted of him drunkly telling me about how his day was or some crazy shit him and Izzy got into. There was always an apology though, he always apologized for canceling our plans.

“I just take a quick shower and then throw on some clothing,” He casually replied. How could this not be a big deal to him.

“Hey Alanah, do you have a sec to zip up my dress?” I froze when I heard Sandy call from the other room.

“One sec, I’ll be back in a moment or two,” I said to Duff as I went to Sandy’s bedroom.

Sandy had been freaking out for the past month about this event, and the fact that it was actually happening didn’t feel real. A few months back YouTube had asked us to perform some red carpet interviews at the AMAs, and we quickly agreed. A little while later Mark, my ex boyfriend (which still feels weird to say), informed me that he was the reason we received the opportunity.

Was it because Sandy and I were borderline influencers? Nope.

Was it all our hard work, late nights, and taking multiple jobs to get the YouTube channel to where it is now? Nope.

According to him, it was because his manager was having sex with some high up at YouTube manager, and was able to pull some strings to get us the opportunity.

I never found out the real answer to if we got it because of him or not, and part of me doesn’t want to know it.

“You okay?” I turned to Sandy as she spoke.

“Yeah why? This is a huge huge opportunity for us!” I faked a smile as if I had Vaseline on my teeth.

“God, you’re a terrible actress,” I could feel Sandy’s eyes on me as I tried to avoid her gaze.

“You’re thinking about Mark?” I continued to avoid looking at her not wanting to tell her she was right.

She leaned in close and whispered, “you are so much better off without him. You two were barely even dating for crying out loud. Thanks for zipping up my dress and say goodbye to your tipsy future boyfriend. We have an awards show to get to.”

I felt a smile cross my face as I walked back to the bathroom to say goodbye before heading out.

“Hey stranger,” I giggled as I spoke into my phone hoping to pull his attention from talking to Slash who also sounded tipsy.

“Hey, what does your dress look like so I can easily find you at the after party?” My cheeks felt like fire as he spoke.

“Umm I’m not invited to the after party,” my heart was racing from embarrassment as I admitted to him I wasn’t invited. He was a rockstar and I was practically no one.

“Wanna come as my plus one?” My heart skipped a beat. We were finally going to hang out in person again.

To say he caught me off guard was an understatement. I was screaming at myself to say yes, but words couldn’t come out.

“Or...” before he could continue talking I interrupted him saying, “yeah, yes, of course! I’d love to.”

My heart melted as a smile crossed his face.

FRIENDS.

He just wants to hang out. If it was he would have called it that. Friends, remember? There is a difference between being called a plus one and a girlfriend or date for the night. Plus I don’t have any feelings for him, not a single ounce. We were just friends, plus I just had a messy breakup. I should for I on my work right now.

I heard him shush someone who was in the room with him which only made me giggle. It was cute. It was cute, not him, it.

“So that dress? What does it look like, so I can find you?” He asked again, his smile never leaving her face. He was excited which only made my stomach, once again, perform backflips.

“I’ll give you three hints, okay? It’s sparkly, long and tight,” I grinned as he I watched him jokingly put on a thinking face.

“I like the choice. Can’t wait to see you in it,” he wasn’t helping the whole friends thing with comments like that, but he was a rockstar. Aren’t all rockstars just flirty? He probably had some groupie or supermodel he was spending time with as well.

————

“Who are you looking forward to performing tonight?”

Sandy and I stood at the red carpet for the non A list celebrities interviewing an up and coming indie artist. She was sweet, and it was a lot of fun interviewing her. I was defiantly going to buy her album when I got home.

“I would have to say I’m excited to see Motley Crue perform tonight...I can’t explain it, but something about bag boys,” my interviewee giggled as Sandy sent me a teasing look.

“Yeah, we get what you mean,” Sandy then smirked while looking at the camera.

Jesus Christ, I swore that she shipped Duff and I harder than our fans after the Duff’s and my cooking video.

“Good luck tonight,” I smiled as she left heading off to get her picture taken.

“So I take it you have been reading the comments on some of our videos?” I watched as a smirk formed on her face.

“We are just friends,” I whispered back as we waited for our next interviewee.

“Honey, are you in Egypt right now?”

I turned towards Sandy in confusion as she spoke. What was she getting on about?

“Because you’re in De-Nile! Get it because denial sounds like the Nile River,” Sandy laughed as if she thought it was the funniest joke in the world. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“If Duff has said that you would have laughed,” she teased as she playfully pushed me.

“Speak of the Devil...” I looked over to see Duff and Slash at the fork in the carpet traffic. From what I gathered there were two paths. The first path was the one that the A list celebrities would take like Motley Crue, Beyoncé, Ed Shereen or even the Kardashians would walk down. Anybody who was anybody went down that path. We were standing on the second path where the minor internet stars, influencers, and smaller artists were sent.

I smiled as Duff sent me a small wave and weaved through the pack of people despite people clearly telling them to go down the other path. He looked excited to see me which didn’t help the nerves that filled me.

He looked hot. Did rockstars not need to wear a shirt under their jackets? Was that a thing?

FRIENDS, Alanah, FRIENDS.

Oh God I was staring, was it okay to stare? Were people noticing I was staring?

“Hey, ‘Lanah,” Duff smirked as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

FRIENDS

F R I E N D S.

He is just being flirty because he is tipsy.

“Hey Duff, hey Slash how’s it going,” Sandy cut in as I slowly began to panic on the inside. She could read me like a book.

“Can’t fucking complain, how about you?” Slash responded. I could barely focus as I felt Duff’s eyes undressing me as Sandy continued to interview Slash.

I wasn’t thinking when I touched his ass. I don’t know why I did it, I just did it. I looked up at Duff, worried to see a confused look on his face. I felt a smirk grow on my face as I saw Duff’s reaction. He liked it.

I was pulled from my thoughts as I felt Sandy lightly bump into me, prompting me to actually participate in the interview.

“Congrats on being nominated for two awards, favorite heavy metal artists and best heavy metal video. What do you think of your competition?” I asked earning a smile from Sandy who was growing tired of interviewing a drunk Slash who was borderline rambling. He was still a sweetheart thought.

“Well, if Axl was here he would say something cockily and condescending like...we don’t have competition. We’re in a league of our own, or we don’t pay attention to our competition,” Duff said with Slash joining him in laughter.

I sent Sandy a quick glance before Duff continued talking, “All joking aside, we are here for music, not the awards. We do what we do because we love what we do.”

“The nominations and awards are nice though,” Slash added before a security guy came by.

“Look like we’re getting kicked out, it was nice seeing you girls,” Slash commented as he watched the security guard walking directly towards them.

“I love the dress, can’t wait to rip it off you tonight,” Duff whispered in my ear sending goosebumps down my spine before his hand grazed across my ass. He sent me a smirk and followed Slash towards the security guard, so we wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Yup...just friends,” I turned to Sandy as she wore a smirk that would put Nikki Sixx’s smirk to shame.