#and gain back more nostalgia fans

[xuchiya]

"3 points for the pretty lady!" || choi jongho || one-shot

| genre: non!idol ateez. fluff. slice of life | mentions: teasing. fainting. jewelry gift. ankle injury | This is literally my high school delusions. My old school is literally an 'old school' school like no phones and computers, being in a relationship is not allowed, and big ass windows as our source of fans--- i mean we do have electric fans and ceiling fans but with the weather and a very old, close to dying, e-fans? We really have to depend on the wind from our windows. Anyways, this list is basically a true experience. My personal favorite? Song Mingi's.

The electric atmosphere in school finally found its release. The annual intramural games finally arrived, and the whole high school was abuzz with excitement. Students from every section swarmed to the courts to contest each other in volleyball, basketball, and badminton. This is the kind of energy you thrive on-except this year, you can't be a part of it.

Two weeks back, a lousy ankle injury had taken you out of the volleyball team. It wasn't just sprained at that angle; it was a complete break. And the doctor had said to lay off for a few weeks, absolutely none of the heavy duties. To begin with, the break had kept you at home—away from the school and the exhilaration of intramurals. But at the end of the week of inactivity—with tedium climbing, siren call after snowy-carolled siren call intercepting your fantasies—you decided, no, you certainly would not have intramurals slip by just because you had a broken leg. If you weren't able to be on the court, then at least you'd be cheering from the sidelines.

You had made it to school in a wheelchair, courtesy of a thoughtful classmate, and were determined to watch your section compete. They wheeled you out of the classroom and into the hallway that led out onto an outdoor balcony that overlooked the massive quadrangle; a sight of the two basketball courts set up in the middle of wide-open space sent a wave of nostalgia. You might not have been able to play, but being there felt right.

Some of your classmates had staked out spots on the floor, legs swinging out over the edge of the balcony as they leaned over the railing to cheer for your section. Not wanting to take up too much room, you sat sideways in the wheelchair, torso twisted slightly, arms on the railing. From here, you could see everything:.

Your section's basketball team was in the middle of an intense game. Though the score was tight, the opponent was leading with a wide margin of ten points. Not knowing the sport precisely, you knew by then the stakes of a basketball game. The tension in the air was thick, as your classmates cheered and groaned at every gained or lost point.

Curious about the lineup, you leaned over to tap Chaewon. "Hey Chae, who's in the lineup?"

"Oh, I think it's Hongjoong, Minho, and Changbin. Oh! Keeho and Soul.and Jongho." You thanked her and returned your gaze to the game. Then, your eyes found him—Choi Jongho. The light chestnut hair that was his head caught the sun as he ran effortlessly across the court. Even though his team was behind, Jongho didn't appear fazed. If anything, he looked more determined than ever. You watched as he skillfully weaved through defenders, driving toward the hoop, his focus unbreakable. He made a layup, cutting the other team's lead down to eight points. The crowd roared in approval.

Your heart felt like it was ready to pop from your chest. Jongho had been everywhere-snatching the ball now, passing it off quickly and taking shots that didn't seem possible. Never to give up, he had slowly chipped away at the lead the other team had. And just when you thought he couldn't do more, a foul would be called on the opposing team.

And it would be Jongho's chance to make a free throw.

You watched, breathless, as he stepped up to the line. The entire court seemed to go silent while he prepared for his shot. Your fingers curled tightly around the armrests of your wheelchair, and your stomach was knotting with tension. You didn't even realize that you were squirming in your seat, nervous for him.

Jongho's first shot flew through the air and swished smoothly through the net. The relief coursed through your body, and your classmates erupted into cheers. But it wasn't over yet-he still had one more free throw to make.

As Jongho got ready for his second shot, the unexpected happened. He turned his head, his gaze slicing over to your direction until it landed on you. The second dragged itself away when, out of the blue, he winked, and your heart fluttered in surprise at the action.

Then, in one smooth, flowing motion, Jongho released the shot. It arced through the air with a beautiful, poised grace, and again, it went down. The crowd erupted, and you couldn't help but smile as pride and excitement rushed in to take the place of the nerves you'd felt only a moment before.

The game wasn't over yet. Literally only with seconds to go, the opposing team rushes down the court desperately seeking a final shot. They missed and your team gained possession again. Jongho had the ball again; the crowd was standing on their feet, waiting for his next move.

He jogged up to the three-point line, turned towards the court, and called out in a loud, clear voice, "To the girl in the wheelchair, this three-pointer is for you."

Your classmates all turned to you, making you blush deep in your seat, using your hair to hide the burning of your cheeks. Chaewon teased, "Looks like someone's gonna shoot their shot."

You playfully threw your handkerchief at her, cheeks still burning. "Yah, stop!

You hold your breath as Jongho steps onto the semicircle of the three-point line. In one swift, smooth motion, the shot releases with his fingers curled. His middle, ring, and pinky fingers stay extended in the air as he turns around, not even looking as the ball is arced through the air beautifully, spinning in perfect form. It seemed to take an eternity, almost in slow motion, as one watched it approach the basket. The court was silent but for every pair of eyes that were on the ball. And then-swish. The ball passed cleanly through the hoop, right as the buzzer blared, signaling the end of the game.

The crowd exploded into cheers that resonated throughout the quadrangle, Jongho's eyes meeting yours once again, a satisfied grin spreading over his features. You can't help the smile breaking on your face, clapping and cheering for him and your team.

Jongho's shot had sealed the win for your section, and though you weren't on the court, you felt like a part of this victory. He had dedicated that last shot to you, and the feeling of camaraderie and connection was strong as ever between you and your classmates. It was their victory, and excitement just seemed contagious. His teammates stormed to Jongho, congratulating him for a great performance. But just as he could leap into the revelry, Jongho raised his eyes to the balcony, and for a moment, he let his eyes lock onto yours once again.

You cupped your hands around your mouth and yelled, "To number 12, shoot your shot already!" Jongho snorted in amusement as his team and coach went on him, teasing him. You threw him a wink this time.

[cocobeanncteez]

Song Series One-shot: Kim Hongjoong - Softcore by The Neighbourhood

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Rockstar!Hongjoong x fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: Please note that my Song Series One-shots are purely based on how I personally interpret the lyrics of the songs I chose for this series. It is not based on the music video (if it has one).

The apartment was quiet, almost unnaturally so, as you turned the key and stepped inside. It was a familiar routine now, coming home to the empty echoes of a life you once shared vibrantly with Hongjoong. He had been your pillar, your confidant, and your closest companion since you both met at a local music festival five years ago, fresh out of high school and bursting with dreams.

Back then, Hongjoong was just another hopeful artist with a guitar and a handful of songs that spoke of love and ambition. You were captivated not just by his music but by his relentless spirit and the sheer brightness of his smile. You found in each other a mutual sanctuary, a place of understanding. Three years of dating blossomed into a decision to move in together, setting up a small rented apartment in the heart of the city where you began building a life together.

Your career path as an accountant in a local bank offered stability, a stark contrast to the tumultuous world of music that Hongjoong pursued. Despite the unpredictability, he dove headfirst into his career, his passion fueled by more than just ambition—it was his very essence. The initial years were tough, with more failures than successes. Small gigs at dimly lit bars, unnoticed tracks released online, nights spent scribbling lyrics that felt just out of reach—these were his proving grounds.

As time passed, Hongjoong's persistence began to pay off. He went from singing to sparse crowds to touring across the country, his name slowly gaining recognition among an ever-growing fan base.

But with each step Hongjoong took towards his dream, it seemed he took another away from you and the home you shared.

The apartment bore silent witness to this growing divide. It was filled with remnants of his hasty mornings and late returns—a jacket still draped over a chair, an unfinished cup of coffee, lyrics scribbled on a scrap of paper. Each item was a snapshot of his transient presence, and as the days turned into weeks, you found yourself struggling with the loneliness.

Memories of the past were vivid and bittersweet. You recalled the nights spent consoling Hongjoong after a particularly hard day, his tears soaking through your shirt as you held him close, whispering words of comfort and encouragement. He had always been emotionally open, sharing his fears and frustrations as freely as his hopes and dreams. Those moments of vulnerability had drawn you closer, solidifying your bond.

Yet as his absences grew longer, the weight of your solitude became heavier. You kept busy with work, often bringing files home, the numbers and reports a distraction from the loneliness. Your own achievements, like the recent promotion at the bank, went celebrated but felt hollow without Hongjoong to share them.

One crisp autumn evening, as you were cleaning out some drawers, you found an old photo album buried under some books. It was filled with pictures of you and Hongjoong from early in your relationship—days at the beach, nights out with friends, holidays spent together. Each photograph was a portal to a time when your lives seemed more connected, more aligned.

With the album open on your lap, the tears came unbidden. It was not just the nostalgia but the realization of how much had changed, how distant your paths had become. Hongjoong’s world was one of stages and cheers, a nomadic life of hotels and highways. Yours was here, in the quiet stability of a life that increasingly felt like it was waiting for something that might never return.

When Hongjoong came home unannounced after his latest tour, the apartment suddenly felt too small for all the emotions it had to contain. His arrival was bittersweet, filled with joy and underlying tension. As he dropped his bags at the door and pulled you into his arms, the familiarity of his embrace clashed with the strangeness of his prolonged absence.

“I’ve missed this,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. Truthfully, Hongjoong was conflicted about being in this relationship. He genuinely loved you with all his heart, but he couldn't help but think that maybe he was too young for this level of commitment. He didn't want to make things hard for you, so he held on just for you even though he felt like he was being weighed down by the feeling of not being there for you, not being a man for you.

“We need to talk,” you replied, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside. You led him to the living room, where the couch had often served as a makeshift bed during his late-night songwriting sessions.

The conversation that unfolded was a delicate dance of confession and revelation. You spoke of your loneliness, the evenings spent wondering when or if he would call, the achievements felt in silence. Hongjoong listened, his face a mask of regret and understanding. He shared his own conflicts, the guilt of leaving you behind, the fear of not being enough, of choosing between his dreams and his love.

“You’re like the sun to me,” he confessed, his voice heavy. “You bring warmth and light into my life, but sometimes, I feel like I’m just basking in your glow, not knowing if I’m giving anything back.”

“It’s not about giving back,” you said softly, taking his hands in your own, “but about being present. I need you here, with me, not just as a visitor in your own home.”

Perhaps what you were asking for was a little selfish. You knew what Hongjoong's career would be like, though you hadn't expected the extent it would go to. Like Hongjoong, you have thought that maybe you were too young, too. Could you hold on for much longer? You didn't know. But did you want to? Absolutely.

You just wished he would take a little more time away from his studio to be with you when he found some time. Just a couple of hours was all you wanted, knowing very well he couldn't give you days.

"I can't promise you anything," he murmured, "but I will promise to try harder for you, to be more present. I'm not sure how to do that..." he trailed off, eyes brimming with tears. A lone tear escaped his eyes, landing on your hand. You immediately moved closer to Hongjoong to engulf him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer.

Hongjoong felt like he was going to break down, knowing that it was very likely he would not be able to give you the life you wanted for a while, the life he had initially envisioned for the two of you. You have been his muse for many years now. He didn't want to give you up, despite how consumed he was in his own life.

Hongjoong pulled away from you, using his hands to brush away his tears. A small smile spread across his face despite the strong emotions he was feeling. He mentally reminded himself that he can't be weak, he cannot give you up when you've been so patient with him. He knew it was hard for you as much as it was for him.

Hongjoong leaned in to kiss you gently, though he felt like he was going to break down. You kissed him back, trying to maximize every moment you had with him before he disappeared for days.

The night wore on, and with it, your conversation wove through layers of emotions and practicalities. It was clear that something had to change, but what that change would look like was still uncertain.

In the depths of the night, as you both sat intertwined, holding on to each other as if to anchor yourselves against the tide of change, the decision was still unmade.

But for the moment, it was enough to be together, to feel the heartbeats and breaths that said, for now, you were still each other's muse.

[anarglitch]

Scott pilgrim takes off inhabits the same artistic space as the matrix 4, or even the final fantasy 7 remake. I mean this as a good thing. It has the distinct touch of an artist that made something that defined a generation revisiting the art that outgrew them a thousandfold with more maturity and different interests.

These interests usually skew meta, they're about what drives someone to revisit something made by a past version of oneself, about the experience of suddenly gaining more influence than anyone could reconcile, where criticisms of your work (which you also, no doubt, have many) become synonymous with criticisms of your culture. If you've been here a while, you probably know (and are tired of) what I'm talking about, manic pixie dream girls and aloof average male protagonists, toxic nostalgia, pick your theme and it's a video essay title.

Imagine having every read of your 2004 funny video game-coded coming of age comic reverberate infinitely toward every direction, people saying your main character taught a whole generation of men to be self-absorbed while the exact opposite type of people rant about how your secondary lead "ruined a whole generation of women" because of hair-dye or whatever. Imagine Edgar Wright makes a movie adaptation of your cute little comic that somehow launches the careers of half of the current celebrity pantheon simultaneously. How would that change you?

Well, for one, it makes you less relatable. The truth of an aloof nerdy guy dating in his early 20s is a lot more universal than the truth of an artist in his 40s forever defined by the event horizon of a thing he wrote half his life ago. The matrix 4 couldn't stop talking about how it feels to have created the matrix. The final fantasy 7 remake can't help but to constantly examine what it means to remake final fantasy 7. It's easy to see why someone would hate that indulgent meta trend, I'll probably never write a generation-defining story, why would I care about the first world problems of someone who did? It can feel distant, and at its worst it can feel insulting. Like it's pointing the finger at the fans, whispering 'you did this to me'. I get that.

I get that, but I love it.

It's the fundamental difference between wanting something that is like something you liked, and wanting someone that is from the same creator of something you liked. The difference between feeding the mona lisa into an AI and finding a new authentic da Vinci. You can't make something entirely new if you religiously stick to using the parts of something that's already there. The human behind the work will always have influences you didn't realize, thought patterns and aesthetic preferences that weren't entirely clear in their previous work, no matter how much you deconstruct it. More importantly, the human will also change, and this organic self-continuity will reflect on the art. I don't want the creator of something to hold their own creation with the same zeal as its fans, because someone who did that simply wouldn't have been capable of creating the original piece in the first place.

I don't want a product, I want art.

Scott pilgrim, the original, indulges the most earnest impulse we have-- that of self-mythologizing, of creating a narrative off of our own lives. To depict the mundane as fantastic, interpersonal relationships as adventures. It resonated with so many people because it was earnest, and it was also picked apart to hell and back because it was earnest. Its flaws were on display, and not just the ones it intended to show. But in my opinion, the opposite impulse, that of washing off everything that could be criticized and presenting the cleanest possible image of yourself through your art, is just... bad. it makes for bad art, or it just freezes you. The very first hurdle of creating anything is getting over that, then maybe the spotlight will fall on you. If it does, you'll get everything you ever wanted, but everyone gets to see through you.

So, how do you revisit something like that? You have two options. Either you take all the pieces and try to reassemble them exactly how everyone remembers it, signing your name as a formality, looking at a mirror in which you no longer see yourself, or you talk to it. You dialogue with your own work, with who you used to be. You travel in time and talk to yourself. You question them, acknowledge them but also teach them a thing or two. You don't respect the product, you respect the feeling. You find the same earnestness that made you put pen to paper for the first time, and you point it towards your new loves and fears. Maybe you make it less about the main guy, take the chance to develop your secondary characters, maybe you give the girl more agency. Maybe you summon the future and refuse its answers. Maybe you fight yourself.

That's the harder choice. It submits your new self to the scrutinizing eyes of a whole new generation, it risks alienating the people who identified with your previous piece. It's riskier, probably less profitable, and by any pragmatic lens probably a bad idea. But it's the only way you can make art. It's truth, the truth that got you there in the first place.

It's how you get it together.

[doppel-doodles]

Grown up Timmy Turner doodle be upon ye!

Based on that one post I made rambling on about some concepts for adult Timmy I had floating around in my brain, one of which was him being a comic artist!

To recap he is a chronically exhausted independent artist with redbull and caffeine running through his veins, his work schedule is a crime against humanity and he is somewhat successful and despite being in creative limbo with his work he genuinely enjoys it and has clear passion for his craft.

If you wanna stick around for some design and story ideas I cooked while working on this feel free to read below the cut!

So for design I originally wanted to keep his colors classic: pinks and blues, maybe sprinkle in the colors of his fairies for fun!

But what I thought what would be more interesting was to instead seperate him from his kid self, this Timmy is grown up with no memory of his fairies, he is very different from when he was ten.

However as the story unfolds he would gain his old color pallette back, reconnecting with his inner child in a way as he rediscovers that spark of literal magic in his life that he just believed to be born from his over active imagination for all these years.

But to keep him from looking too different I kept this color pallette as a vague throw back to his cleft the boy chin wonder design, with a touch more blue as primary colors also felt appropriately comic-ish.

Also I fully believe Timmy would be the type to not bother with pants as he at most just has video calls.

His tattoo also was probably based on one of his doodles, something about the swirly puffs of smoke just filled him with a sense of whimsy and nostalgia!

As for some more story heavy stuff, I think the comic Timmy is known for is a fan comic/reboot of the crimson chin, most definitely with a heavy focus on his side kick, and while he loves it he doesn't want this to be his legacy.

He wants to kick off his own original series, some that can stand proud on its own two feet, something grandiose he can give to his kids and they can look at it and say with pride: "My dad made this!"

But he is missing that spark of inspiration.

And that's where I'll leave it for now!:>

[quitealotofsodapop]

After that whole mess, they, of course, go back to FFM. Both because the cubs had a long day and needed a nap and also because neither Wukong nor MK had the energy to reset their glamours, and the last thing any of them wanted was to be swarmed. Wukong had to be stopped form going into a cleaning spree as soon as he realized he was having guests over for the first time in years and had to be told to sit down since, out of everyone there, be had been the one in the worst condition when all was said and done. They still enjoyed their smaller, more private New Years celebration and getting to run around in MK's childhood home

referencing.

Absolutely. Wukong is taking all the cubs home for a well-deserved rest (the eclipse twins argue that they aren't tired [lie]), and to properly introduce himself to the Noodle shop gang/aka his reincarnated Pilgrim brothers.

Wukong is a dedciated King to his people, but hasn't really let people "get close" since the Samadhi Fire incident/DBK's imprisonment. So he's a little rusty on how to play host in his own palace. The Stalwarts and the island's subjects are worried since they noticed some sort of havoc going on in the mainland while their King was gone, but Wukong brushes them off.

When Wukong attempts to clean up and play host, Pigsy quickly makes him sit down since; "You're pregnant and nearly got all your magic drained out of you. I'll make dinner." Which immediately puts the pig in the monkeys' good graces. Wukong does have to admit, piglet's grandson makes amazing noodle soup.

Mei (+MK) helps Pigsy out in the kitchen, and Wukong has a pang of nostalgia and grief at how similar the little dragon looks to Ao Lie. Her fun-loving attitude quickly gains her fans amongst the cubs, even if they try to eat her phone once or twice.

Lots of talking happens - especially on the subject of MK being Wukong's eldest cub + who exactly "dad" is. Wukong is still a little too upset at Macaque to give more than a curt explaination that he left on "a vacation" and has been missing since then.

Pigsy blurts out that he'll; "Sock the punk in the nose the second he sees 'em for leaving his family like that". It gets a laugh out of the king at least. Gao Cuilan did the same to Bajie when he finally returned after the journey.

Tang is ofc in Jttw-nerd heaven. Asking so many questions that MK has to interupt him to give his mom some space. The Stalwarts happily fill in the more embarassing/sappy details of their King and Warrior's romance, which delights the scholar (and mortifies SWK and MK) to no end.

Sandy is quickly the cubs favorite new uncle - though that could be because he smells like old uncle Sha Wujing. The Eclipse Twins are sus though. He makes himself busy serving up tea and addressing any emotional issues Wukong could be going through rn, especially with another little monkey on the way. Wukong is touched.

The Demon Bull Family makes an appearance - mainly to offer their apologies and for DBK to start making amends with his little bro. DBK quickly gets swarmed by the cubs he missed out on meeting, bellowing with laughter as they climb all over his horns. PIF is very aloof as per usual, but expresses her condolences for Macaque's disappearance. Wukong can tell that the former celestial princess is worried about her old friend, even if she doesn't care to show it.

Red Son is super confused, holding a casserole dish of non-spicy barbeque (DBK uncharacterically insisted, apparently the Monkey King hated spicy food), and just blinking at the fact that the "Noodle Boy" and "Pony Girl" he'd been fighting with were actually his calf-hood chums! Yuebei tries to eat his hair the moment he's offered to hold one of the Nodelets for the first time.

Overall the New Years "afterparty" (as Mei dubbed it) goes far better than the original celebration. Even if MK is super-grounded for not telling Wukong he became a superhero + lying who he actually was to the gang.

+Bonus: I love the idea of the cubs being super cranky during the events in the Celestial Realm. And when the spider gang attempt to stop the gang on the airship; little Yuebei starts shrieking with anger over her lack of sleep + missing both parents, and blasts them away with her non-fatal lazer eyes. It's one of many signs that MK's family aren't normal demons. Hunstman is a little embarassed that he was technically defeated by a baby.

[imhereonthekitchenfloor]

⭐️Now that I have listened through TTPD 6 times, I have reached my magic number where I usually can process an album. Review time⭐️

Review sorted by sections: 2 reasons this is not my usual cup of tea, musicality, lyrics, overall thoughts

I think every Taylor Swift album is good. This is a good album. This is not an album I would ever listen to if it were not by Taylor Swift. The "not my usual cup of tea" comes from the dark emotions and the sound.

The dark emotions are ugly as they are supposed to be. I know us tumblrinas love our high horse and "fake fans never saw Taylor as human" okay but I think I have but also I have an idealized version of everyone in my mind. It's hard to hear Taylor be happy at the time about being with problematic people or partaking in not ideal behavior. This is not what I want to hear from my older sister bestie figure

Musically not much is happening here? Slow tempo. Hard beat. Some synthetic sound as Taylor talk sings to some melody that consists of 2 notes. What happened to actually creating a musical experience with a melody😭😭😭 this is my biggest gripe with Taylor from folklore and on. She sacrifices musicality, and it's only getting worse.

These two combined means Taylor is painting a picture I don't like but isn't even giving me songs that are traditionally fun to listen to. I will say this album feels like an extension of Midnights but the chillness of folklore/evermore. It feels familiar to me. Thank you aimee, Robin, and the manuscript definitely scream sleepless nights looking at her past. The non midnights rejects feel like catharsis songs. Taylor had them in her head and had to release them (thus why they may sound lazy or alike). I love a long album (rip the Lover haters), but I wish there was more differentiation than Taylor's music becoming a chill synthpop melting pot. That's not why I signed on to being a swiftie. I signed on because I love her musicality. That's no longer what she is delivering.

⭐️Musicality⭐️

I feel like Taylor can do whatever she wants at this point and she has enough fans that will eat it up. But like any market, you make changes and you lose customers and gain different customers. She is not going to change to maintain her old fans. That being said, I know SO many people who listened to Taylor and love her country music but don't listen to her pop. I agree with them her country was better. It was so much more musicality focused!!! It was about writing songs that were enjoyable to listen to! And now for the fandoms "this is so satisfying to listen to" we get synth beats with a singular synthetic background instrument. (This is a jack antonoff hate blog btw.) This isn't why I am here!! I have been clear about that from folklore on I was here for the music not some chill song that has poetic lyrics. I might be the only one here for those reasons but I still hear hints of that insane musicality in her songs and I am invested in Taylor personally. That being said:

⭐️Lyrics⭐️

The lyrics are obviously carrying the album. I enjoy debut and would not say that about debut. But it's the truth for ttpd. Lyrics are not why i became a fan but they are what made me invested. The reviews complaining about the album tend to point to the lyrics as nonsense but I think they were very purposeful. But to go back to me being invested in Taylor herself, I WANT to know what the lyrics are about. This "don't paternity test the lyrics" business combined with lack of traditional bops or fun songs (I can do it with a broken heart excluded of course) is SUCH a boring perspective from someone who is invested in Taylor and what happened to her. Yeah yeah she doesn't want us judging her and choosing what's best for her a la who's afraid of little old me and but daddy I love him. However, if I am not here for Taylor personally and I am not here for the musical sound, why am I here? Nostalgia of what once was?

⭐️Closing Thoughts⭐️

Overall, this album is good but stagnant. On a 1-10 scale, I would rate most songs between 4 and 6 with a couple 8's. Midnights was a more dynamic version of this album and was 3-7 with a couple 10's. Debut through lover was the full 1-10 scale. I feel like we are melting towards an average of "good enough". Lyrically Taylor writes poetry. I am not a poet. I am a nosy girl who likes Taylor's melodies. I enjoy the album. Taylor can never disappoint me. Every album my standards for her drop. I will fight anyone who dislikes her. TTPD was not written for me and I get it. But I feel conflicted not being all adoration on the adoration and praise fandom website.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

The Rueful Tale of Philip Wittebane

Why Emperor Belos is the Greatest Villain in Modern Media 

I’ve been sitting on this one for a long time. Full disclosure, I never shut up. My username is no joke. So be prepared for me to go on and on. But I unironically think this character is a masterpiece, that he leaves his contemporaries like Bill Cipher and Horde Prime trailing behind, and I’ve been itching to talk about why. Let’s dive in.

Chapter 1 - The Myth.

Belos is first introduced as an idea, an overarching threat that looms over the heroes and their world. He starts out as an enigma, a mystery, and gradually, the layers are peeled back to reveal the monster underneath. In Season 1, the antagonistic force that The Owl House deals with is less Belos himself, and more the world he creates. Because what he represents is in total opposition to the morals of The Owl House crew and to the very message of this show: Acceptance. This is a through-line that remains consistent about the character to the very end, but we see hints of it from the first episode. Little things like how the prison is called the “Conformitorium.” One of the first things that makes Belos a terrific villain is that his very nature is in conflict with that of the protagonists. This is a battle of ideals, and we as an audience are persuaded to see things the way the heroes do, and understand why Belos is wrong. 

Yet he remains in the shadows throughout the first season, creating slow build-up and a good reveal to his character. Instead, we see the impact that his reign has had on the Boiling Isles, and initially the Coven System is presented as an ideological debate. The story toys with the idea that it might even be a good thing, that Eda is ignorant for her resistance.  For a very long time, we know precious little about Belos apart from his image. Even when we meet him, he is posturing and misrepresenting himself as a prophet for The Titan, and he does it all from behind a mask. Figuratively and literally, he conceals his true nature. We don’t learn the real truth about Belos until Season 2. We don’t even learn his real name. He’s built a mythology for himself in The Boiling Isles, but while other villains might embrace these lies and choose to believe them, Belos is a little different. By no means is he in touch with who he really is or why he feels the way he does…but unlike most villains who fit into this trope, Belos disdains his image as much as he does anything else in the Isles. He prefers his real name. 

As the story of The Owl House develops and the characters are fleshed out, as we learn more about this world, Emperor Belos’ disguise is slowly stripped away, as are the lies and propaganda his regime has established. Supposedly, The Isles were in complete chaos until Belos turned up, yet when Luz and Lillith travel back in time to the “savage ages” we see a world that is happy and free. The clues about Belos are pre-set well before the actual moments of revelation. Notably, a book about Grimwalkers can be seen at the beginning of Eclipse Lake. During the scene where we see him unmasked for the first time, as he shares dialogue with none other than Hunter. That’s not a coincidence, anymore than his nostalgia for the human realm as we learn that he’s been there before. The truth is hiding in plain sight, and many viewers picked up on the hints at the time. That Belos was not who he said he was, that he was likely human. Fans guessed that there was something off about Hunter, and Belos was behind it. 

It is here that Belos deviates from expected tropes. 

When a villain is initially presented as a monster, but the following installment provides them with backstory and context for why they are the person they’ve become…normally, this is the part where said villain gains sympathetic qualities. At least, the memorable villains do. One would assume that in Season 2, when we learn where Belos comes from and why he turned out this way…that we could see things from his point of view. That we could see another side to him. Even if he’s still in the wrong, there must be some explanation for his actions, surely? Something that would earn him compassion from the audience. But that’s not what happens. The scene in Eclipse Lake shows us his face, making it easier to personify him. It shows him being softer with Hunter, gentle with him…but there is still the uncomfortable air of manipulation. Which symbolizes the journey that the audience will take with Belos. Upon learning his origins,  we understand him even better…and as a result, we hate him all the more. Any fragment of fondness is snuffed out when we realize that his more likable qualities are not and were never real. This is why we learn about Philip before we learn who he really is. 

Now typically, the greatest villains are the ones who, in another story, could have been heroes. The villains who have justifiable motives, the villains who feel conflicted about their villainous actions. In essence, the most memorable antagonists are the ones that the audience cannot help but root for, the ones they hope to see redeemed. Prince Zuko from ATLA is an iconic example, Catra from SPOP is another. We as an audience have sympathy for villains who are in pain, who could, under the right circumstances, be brought back into the light. That is fundamentally averse to everything about Belos, not just as an antagonist but as a person. The man is irredeemable, and there are several key moments in the story that prove it. A villain must first wish to be redeemed in order for it to happen, they have to make that decision themselves, and Belos will never do it. Yet he exists as proof that villains do not have to be sympathetic to be well-crafted. They can be complex and multi-layered while still being pure evil. Belos does not earn our sympathy, but honestly, that’s a good thing. A man like him should not inspire sympathy. 

If we want to understand Belos, we’ll have to go back to the beginning.

Chapter 2 - The Past

(Artwork by @a-magpie-in-gravesfield)

One of the signs that a character has been written with care, is that they can be broken down to the essentials and then put back together like pieces of a puzzle. If a viewer can analyze Belos as I’m doing right now, examining his life from start to finish, and understand exactly why he is the way he is...that can only mean he was masterfully crafted. This often traces back to their childhood and family, which is especially true for Emperor Belos. Or should I say, Philip Wittebane. Because a psychiatrist would have a field day with this lonely, hateful old man and all of his hangups, which all stem from his traumatic backstory. Philip’s goal is straightforward and horrifically simple, his motive is unwavering. He wants to eradicate all of the Witches in the Boiling Isles, and then return to the human realm where he likely assumes he’ll be hailed as a hero. (At least initially. That last part would change in Season 3, and I’ll talk about that down the road.) This is in spite of the centuries he has spent in The Demon Realm, interacting with Witches time and again. Nothing has widened his perspective. Nothing will change his mind. There are two reasons for this. The first is plain and simple racism. But the second reason…is Caleb. 

We learn the truth about Philip in Thanks To Them, though the story was heavily foreshadowed in Hollow Mind. Growing up in the seventeenth century, he was raised by his older brother Caleb after they were orphaned. When they moved to Gravesfield, Caleb became a Witch Hunter in an effort to be accepted by the village, and trained Philip in the trade as well. At some point, Caleb encountered the Witch known as Evelyn, and the two of them left for The Demon Realm. Philip set off in pursuit, carrying a jagged knife. From here, we don’t know exactly what happened, and this is where the portraits from Hollow Mind can fill in the blanks. Because even in Season 3, likely due to executive meddling, the truth is still obscured and left ambiguous. However, eagle-eyed fans put the portraits together and deduced how this sorry tale ended. Philip journeyed through the Demon Realm until he found Caleb. By that point, he had already begun to consume Palismen, as Caleb is shown embracing Philip in his hidden, monstrous form. This act from Caleb is a symbol of acceptance, in total opposition to Philip’s mindset. He accepts his brother, even in an inhuman state. But Philip cannot return the favor. Dana Terrace has confirmed that Caleb and Evelyn fell in love, that Evelyn was pregnant. But Philip could not tolerate such a reality. 

It is heavily implied that Philip murdered Caleb, though the details are vague. It’s possible that he was aiming for Evelyn, and Caleb shielded her. That would make a lot of sense, as by his own admission, Philip “tried to save” Caleb’s soul. However, one of the portraits shows Caleb likewise holding a knife, looking frightened and upset, as though Philip has challenged him to a duel. Philip was also stunned into silence at Luz’s accusation that “you did it to him first.” Specifically that Philip/Belos had stabbed him in the back. Whether Luz was talking about Hunter or Caleb, whether or not she knew the double meaning of her words, Belos was clearly thinking about Caleb, evidenced by hallucinating an image of him only hours later. (To see images of all the Hollow Mind portraits in detail, follow this link.)

It’s not clear what the circumstances were, and Belos is not exactly a reliable narrator. The murder of his brother had a profound impact on him that lasted through the centuries. But regardless of the details, Belos being responsible for Caleb’s death is spelled out about as directly as Disney would allow in For The Future, with a hallucination of Caleb that features that same jagged dagger floating over his head. The blade is stained with blood and is pointing at Caleb’s head. It’s an image that evokes thoughts of the Shakespeare play Macbeth - a tragedy that depicts a noble hero descending into darkness and murder. Quite appropriate for Belos, who unfailingly views himself as the good guy, as the savior of humanity, the Witchhunter General. He’ll do “anything” to save humanity from “evil.” To that end, Philip murdered his brother, and not just once. I said before that a psychiatrist would have a field day with this man, and truly, they could write an award winning paper on the psyche of Philip Wittebane,and the way he constantly recreates Caleb’s death by means of the Grimwalkers. 

We know little about them, but Grimwalkers appear to be imperfect clones created from the remains of a corpse. Which means Belos preserved Caleb’s body and harvests his DNA for this project. Every time he builds a Grimwalker, Belos attempts to reset his relationship with Caleb back to a state that he prefers. He tries to rewrite history, rewrite his own memories of Caleb so that he needn’t face the fact that the big brother he idolized, actually evolved beyond his prejudice. But it never works. Each and every time, the Grimwalkers “choose to betray” Belos. Just as Caleb “betrayed” Philip by leaving with Evelyn. This pattern never changes, yet Belos won’t stop trying. Paradoxically, he also seems to give up on the Grimwalkers remarkably fast. We can see the exact moment Belos decides to kill Hunter, and it’s for no other reason than because Hunter has learned the truth and demanded an explanation. It’s not surprising that Belos would define this as a “betrayal” but it does mean we should take that version of events with a grain of salt.

Because Belos is a liar, through and through, and his perception of events is warped by his narcissistic tendencies and his seemingly indestructible bigotry. Rather than try to salvage his relationship with Hunter, Belos wrote him off as a lost cause, contaminated by the truth. How many Grimwalkers were killed for asking a question? For learning something that he didn’t want them to know? For talking out of turn? For failing to live up to the idealized vision of a ghost who they don’t even know about? Belos is an old man knee-deep in denial, and he intentionally perpetuates the cycle of abuse on innocent children for no other reason than because they have Caleb’s face. He wants someone to fulfill his fantasy of Caleb making the “right” choice and helping him wipe out the Witches. He wants to hear Caleb tell him that he was right to do what he did. But it will never happen. 

(Artwork by @pespillo)

Chapter 3 - The Other

Unresolved familial issues aren't all there is to it, though. There are also his values. As we’ve talked about, there are two contributing factors at play. The unresolved issues with Caleb, but that wouldn’t be enough on it’s own to motivate a plan of genocide. Such a thing comes from raw, unfettered hatred of witchkind, from a kind of racism. A fear and intolerance for anyone perceived as "other" and the dehumanization of such people that comes with it. Which feeds into his brother-issues as well. Belos surely blames Evelyn for “corrupting” Caleb. Yet if we want to know where this prejudice began, we need look no further than his upbringing. The man hates Witches, partially because of Evelyn, but partially because he was a Witch Hunter. In Connecticut. During the 1600s. There’s a very simple answer if one does the math. Belos is a Christian man. Specifically, he’s a Puritan. If you know your history, you know the Puritans were a rigid, intolerant society that were so extremist in their faith that it bordered on resembling satire. This is the environment Philip Wittebane grew up in.

Of course, this is never directly spelled out in the dialogue, because doing so on a Disney Channel kid’s show is…never going to happen. But we know it’s true. In Dana’s initial concept, The Boiling Isles was actually supposed to be Hell. Belos is a God-fearing Puritan who believes anything “sinful” is evil and must be purged. Witches were seen as consorts of The Devil, they would be no exception. So there we have it. In the series finale, Dana actually sneaks a more overt reference into the script. After possessing The Titan’s corpse, Belos screams “Finally. I can cleanse this Perdition MYSELF!” The word “Perdition” is defined as “a state of eternal punishment and damnation into which a sinful and impenitent person passes after death.” Philip despises The Boiling Isles, and he always will. Because despite having lived there himself for centuries, it will always be a land of sin occupied by the Devil’s children. That’s all that matters. 

This outlook is no accident. This is an essential cornerstone of Belos’ villainy and his character, but also of the themes being explored, and the greater story being told. I said before that acceptance is the message of The Owl House, and one of the greatest problems with religion is how intolerant it can often be of anything that does not “fall in line” with its perspective. Belos is a physical manifestation of everything that’s wrong with The Bible, or at least how it’s often interpreted in modern day. He is hateful, prejudiced, obsessed with his own vision for how the world ought to be, and completely incapable of entertaining the notion that maybe he’s wrong, that the world is bigger than his perception of it. He will not tolerate anyone or anything that contradicts his point of view.

Without getting too political or topical, there are many real life parallels to be drawn from the conflict of this show. People fighting for their rights and freedoms against oppression that is fueled and supported by religious communities. Belos proclaiming that he will “cleanse this perdition” is him announcing his (second) attempt to commit genocide on the Witches. In that line, we hear absolute rage toward the world he despises. The mask has completely fallen away, and in that moment, we see Belos for who he truly is. Perhaps the scariest part is how people like him are not uncommon in the world. What’s more, since it bears repeating - this was his second attempt to wipe out all life in the Boiling Isles! People who are evil enough to attempt genocide do not stop just because they didn’t succeed. They keep trying. People like Belos are desperate to erase the group they hate. 

If that wasn’t enough, Belos is even more dangerous, conceptually, than some of his contemporaries. His faith and how he exploits the idea of faith, help him stand out against characters like Ozai from ATLA and Horde Prime from SPOP are cruel, sadistic, and mad with power, just like Belos. The difference is, those characters weren’t raised in a Puritan society. You see, despite his racism, despite his overinflated sense of self-importance…Belos does not have a God Complex. He sees himself as the hero of the story, but not as the Creator. Because of how he was raised, he would never see himself as a God. In his mind, there’s another who occupies that role. When Belos rules the Boiling Isles, notice how the mythos he creates for himself places him firmly as the second in command. He establishes himself as a Prophet for The Titan. He becomes the “Jesus Christ” of the story. Even when Belos is lying through his teeth and propping himself up, his comfort zone seems to be telling himself and the world that he is not self-interested, and is merely representing the will of a higher power.

Herein lies the danger of the lies that Belos is selling. The Coven system is terrifying because it doesn’t immediately seem so bad. Ever since Harry Potter, having magical “groups” for your characters to be sorted into has been the trend. Within the Boiling Isles, the Covens are popular and normalized. It is “cool” to graduate and join your Coven. Never mind that doing otherwise is literally illegal. It is not hard to envision an equivalent to the Coven System being established in the real world as a means to control people disguised as the newest meme, convenience, or fad. The power of a cult can be staggering. Again, I won’t point fingers, but I suspect we all have something particular in mind.

But this works extremely well with The Owl House, with its messaging, and with its protagonist.

This frightening, uncompromising bigotry from our villain, as well as the utter devotion to such values, is part of what makes Luz such an effective protagonist for this tale, and why she makes such a perfect foil to Belos. She is the type of person who Belos should realistically loathe with all his heart. She’s a bisexual neurodivergent woman of color. She is everything that Puritan society would recoil from. Yet that’s mostly saved for symbolism, (again, the religious aspects of this show are kept to subtext) as Belos initially appears to accept Luz and attempt to forge solidarity between the two of them as fellow humans. Whether or not he was being truthful, who knows. You never know with Belos. Perhaps he was simply excited to see another human again after so many years, and therefore willing to overlook her “flaws.” But he did indicate that he would show mercy toward another human as, for the purposes of the show, it’s Witches that he hates. This presents Luz with the opportunity to reject his offer and continue to be a fantastic ally to The Boiling Isles, thereby setting a great example for viewers. Yet, Luz also checks herself. She fears becoming like Belos, even though she needn’t, and she feels tremendous guilt for having inadvertently helped him even though she didn’t know any better. We could all learn from Luz’s attitude.

She and Belos are compared and contrasted quite a bit throughout this show, despite how utterly different they are. The Titan is shown to accept Luz immediately, as opposed to Philip, who suspects that The Titan was deliberately impeding his effort to learn magic. Which creates yet another example of him coping with failure by rewriting history, when he invents the story of being The Titan’s prophet. Through Luz, the duality of Belos is explored and later subverted. We meet Philip Wittebane through his diary, and he seems like a decent man at first. Then we see the truth, first that Philip is truthfully a wicked, scheming murderer…and then we see his real identity. This is, itself, a twist on typical tropes. In any other show, Luz might have clung to the image of Philip, insisting that it wasn’t all an act, that he must be in there somewhere. (This idea is even mocked during his death scene, and we’ll cover that too.) But once again, Philip is not some long-forgotten version of Belos. He changed his name for no other reason than because he was getting a reputation and needed to start over. He prefers the name Philip, for he still sees himself as a human among witches, a hero among monsters. As opposed to Luz, who embraces both realms. She is a “child of the human realm, student of the demon realm.” Even as a teenager, Luz is already wiser than a man who has lived for centuries.

Chapter 4 - The End

The death of Philip Wittebane is appropriately pathetic, and once again plays on the expectation of more common tropes. When he is ripped from The Titan, he materializes as his younger self. He thanks Luz for saving him from the curse that ailed him, causing him to act as evil as he did. Yet it is immediately obvious, to the audience and to Luz, that this is just an act. He compares himself to Eda, but Eda’s curse never affected her personality, and it didn’t take her four hundred years to master it. No, Luz and the others have been fooled too many times, they’re not getting fooled this time. Lesser shows might have had this be genuine. Might have let Philip return as a friend or even pass on, absolving him of all responsibility by having him be “under a spell” for the duration of his crimes. But The Owl House doesn’t do this.

Instead, we get one last half-measure, one final attempt from Belos to manipulate the characters and save himself. He’s always been a charlatan, so this is to be expected. What sells this idea is the expression on Luz’s face. We can see just how done she is with Belos and his lies, and in that moment, clouds gather, and boiling rain falls. Luz is unaffected, and this appears to be no accident - but Emperor Belos slowly dissolves, eventually giving up on the facade. The rain figuratively and literally strips away his disguise, revealing him for the monster that he is. While it’s not clear if this is the will of The Titan, or if it’s actually Luz’s doing, it doesn’t particularly matter. Either way, she doesn’t lift a finger to help him. Either way, the irony of this devout Christian succumbing to what seems to be a literal act of God is absolutely priceless.

In his final moments, Belos demonstrates his fundamental flaw, one last time. “You’ll be just as bad…just as conniving…just as evil…and just as unforgivable as THOSE WITCHES!” For a brief moment, the dialogue sets you up one more time, to think that he’s falling back on expected tropes. The audience expects him to say “you’ll be just as bad as I was.” Or something to that effect. That is the implied ending of that thought, to anyone with a shred of self-awareness. But Belos doesn’t have that. As The Titan said, he cares for nothing but being the hero in his own version of reality. To the very end, he blames the Witche for everything. To the very end, he is incapable of seeing the error of his ways or taking responsibility for his actions. His racism shines through his last words, one final plea for Luz, and the world, to see things his way. “We’re human. We’re better than this!” As if Belos is better than anyone. As if Luz hasn’t made it abundantly clear where she stands. As if Belos didn’t surrender what made him “human” for the sake of fighting the Witches. In his last breath, Philip Wittebane clings ferociously to a world that no longer exists. He is a fossil, a remnant of the bygone Puritan era, extinguished in the light of a brighter, more tolerant future. Belos dies with the past, as well he should. 

At the end of the day, the biggest and most consistent problem with Belos is his refusal to change. He cannot or will not learn any kind of lesson from his experiences. Nothing will challenge his worldview. He is a hypocrite who decries witchkind despite having used more magic than most characters to sustain himself. Not because he is afraid of death, there’s no evidence that he is. (Let’s be honest, the man probably expects admission into Heaven.)  No, he simply wishes to “live long enough to see this through.” In other words, he can’t die until he’s finished his plans for genocide. His bigotry inevitably cannibalizes itself to survive, as is often the case in real life. During Thanks To Them, he spent months recovering from a near death experience in the human realm - he saw for himself how drastically things had changed. He saw the twenty-first century, and this did not deter him one bit. How is that possible? Unfortunately, we don’t see much of his reaction to the modern human realm, but when we next see him, he is attempting to return to the Demon Realm. It’s quite possible that he has no desire to exist in the changed, tolerant world Luz comes from, so he has nothing left to live for but slaughtering The Isles. Because no matter how fancy one dresses up their hatred, at the end of the day hatred is singular. Hatred is alone. 

Well this was a whole freaking thesis. Still, I had fun writing it, and I hope you guys had fun reading it. But for now, that's all from me. Byeeee!

[skepticalarrie]

Hi ! I'm new on tumblr I don't really know how it works, so I'm sorry if this is not the right place or if you already gave an answer or if I'm simply not meant to do that !

I would like to know your opinion on those articles we're seeing about Zayn "wanting to reunite" and apologising, is it a narrative? Is it true ? I mean, did he really did "bad" things back then or was it just pr stuff ? And if it was indeed pr stuff, what is going on? Thanks x

Hey there! I don’t really follow Zayn and his career closely, so I may not be the best person to answer this. But I’ve seen some headlines that seemed quite sensationalist and oversimplified, all based on “inside information”, so not reliable at all. The only thing I’ve actually seen him talking about was admitting to his immaturity during the time in the band.

He really did say some nasty stuff when he left the band, he had a huge fallout with Louis, he wrote a song about it… So of course, many fans felt very hurt by his words and actions at the time, and obviously none of that was PR. But then over time, it seems to me that all of them grew a lot on this subject and also gained perspective on the situation they were in. So it doesn’t exactly surprise me that Zayn looks back now with more maturity and certain nostalgia. Plus, the association with One Direction is always going to happen for big headlines and promo season, because that gives tabloids many clicks.

[suchalonelysunflower]

Happier Than Ever (Stay) (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem!Singer! Reader

Summary: Based on the songs Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish and Stay by Post Malone. pt 2 of YOYOK. You go back to L.A and old friends open old wounds

Warnings: ANGST. This is very, very based on my own experience so this is my therapy session with you guys, sorry. Mentions of abuse, death, melancholia, psychological abuse, sad times, curse words. And grammar errors (I didn't even check twice, I'm sorry)

Word Count: 8.7 k

Author's Note: Hey, I'm back because I've missed you and I needed to get this fit out of my chest and survive it. Please, if you like it reblog it and comment, I love to know your thoughts. SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS THAT WE'RE GETTING FEWER AND FEWER HERE. Thank you. Hope you like it and happy reading

YOYOK / Masterlist

“Hey,… I know it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. I’ve heard the new album is coming along great, I’m so happy for you. You… You seem happy, or at least that’s what I can see on social media. I just- I heard you were coming back home- I mean, L.A for some time and well, I was wondering if we could catch up? If you don’t have a place to stay maybe you could crash into mine, like the old times. But you probably already… Anyhow, just call me or text me if you want to. I would really love to-”

When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever Wish I could explain it better I wish it wasn't true

You love the feeling of being above the clouds. So close to the sky that you marveled on the technological advances that allowed you to feel free.

“Mom, look!” You thought “I’m in the clouds, so high above. Is this the feeling you were always dreaming about?”

A pang of nostalgia stabbed your heart, wishing your mom could be there with you experiencing all of this. But she was back at home, safe and sound on the surface. You knew it was for the best, that you could miss her a little bit more before your heart begged you to go and visit, even when your mind knew better than to believe those rose colored glasses of memory.

Was it the feeling of familiarity that made you feel safe even when it hurt? Maybe. Still, you wish you could’ve shown the world to her, give her everything on a silver platter and say “Mom, I did it. I can take care of you now”

What would she say?

You know she’s proud and she’s thankful for everything you’ve done for her. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough. Her eyes just won’t shine the same way; her smile would change; and the hug won’t ever feel as comforting as you’d expected. Your heart would tell you that she loves you, but your mind would always go back to those moments where you doubted it could ever be unconditional. So you’ve learned to miss her a little bit longer each time. Longer until you learn to miss her for the rest of your life.

It was not a foreign feeling, but it was one that you learned to feel and apply to your life. With time you’ve known the patterns, you’ve learned to grow and let go because that’s not the energy you need to spend even a bit of your mind over. You could miss the happy moments but know that they don’t fit anywhere with the person you want to be most. For your own good, you needed to learn how to let go.

The path was not easy - having to teach your heart not to bleed itself dry for the memory of past times. All the tears and the hurt, it was all part of healing what other people broke. So, the beauty of the cracks made you see just how worthy you are. Even if sometimes the water leaks and your mind starts a whirlwind of doubt, you would never come back to the person you used to be when the people that you loved most didn’t love you as you deserved.

Since then, you found yourself thriving. Not only in your career as a musician, with your lyrics that resonated with a lot of people and even made you gain a considerable number of new fans; but, also with yourself. You started loving more freely, more authentically. you saw yourself in a better light and wished people from your past could see just how much better you are without them. Not to be mean or to gloat, but for them to know that you didn’t cave, that life was meant to be lived and you will be doing just that even if they’re not part of it anymore. You wanted them to be happy for you, just as happy as you are for them.

Still, it scared you to go back to L.A, a place that has seen you at your worst and was the cause of your declining mental health. Even if it was for a short period of time, you knew you couldn’t stay there. Your place, the place that you belong was somewhere across the sea; far from anything and anyone that could make you feel like you once did. Like you didn’t matter.

Yet, no process of healing is ever complete until the cycle of hurt is broken. There were some things in your chest that begged for you to say them. Now it was time to let them out. And, if you were honest, a tiny bit of curiosity tied itself to that feeling. There were just too many unanswered questions still left hanging in thin air. The problem was that you didn’t know if you’d like the answers.

“Hey, Y/N” Your agent called your attention as she sat next to you “I need to confirm the last dates for your airbnb, are you sure you want to shorten your stay?”

You smiled softly at her “Yeah, I will be staying with some friends after”

“Okay, but are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. There’s a lot of things we need to catch up”

Every time we make-up, the truth is fading' Everybody's blind when the view's amazing'

It was weird to feel foreign in a place that helped shape you into the person you are now. But, then again, L.A never felt like home. Australia didn’t either, even though that’s what you’ve been saying in all the interviews when they asked what’d you miss more from home. “My family, the sweets, my friends, the sun…” But the sun did shine in other places; your family, you realized, never made any difference; the sweets could be ordered online; and your friends… Your friends changed. In the end, home never felt like home because you could create it everywhere you’d go.

There just places you’ve been. Home is something else, something you haven’t found yet.

Still, if you had to admit something is that the sun in L.A shines differently than in other places. It always seemed like you were entering a strange dimension, always playing “Something about the sunshine” on loop inside your mind.

You’ve been there a month and so. Enough time to have meetings and writing retreats that lasted a weekend. You’ve been to social required events, just as you do every couple of months to show your agency that you do know just how lucky you are. You’ve been to concerts, gave concerts, left concerts early to go and drink some wine curled up with a book in your bathtub in the hotel room. A small holiday mixed with a little bit of work, you’d say.

But you were leaving in a week, and there are still some things left on the schedule.

You sighed as you grabbed your bag from the sidewalk. The driver was kind enough to offer his assistance, but you would much rather face this by yourself first. During the drive you’ve imagined what it would feel like. Seeing him again. You wondered if your heart was beating faster than usual because of excitement or anxiety. In all honesty you didn’t know what to expect or even if you should be expecting something out of this experience.

Yet, you made up your mind to try and heal this. Get the answers that you longed for and be able to move on completely free. So, once the car drove away, you walked up to the door you’ve only seen in pictures before, and rang the bell.

For a moment you wondered if he remembered. Hoping that, in the end, his proposal of having you as his guest wasn’t just a passing comment he made. After all, you didn’t know when you’ll be back in the city or if your schedule would ever be as free in L.A as it is now. And even if he forgot and didn’t expect you, well, you can’t say you’d be surprised. Thank goodness for back-up plans.

“Coming!” You heard moments before the door opened, barely giving you time to prepare.

There he was. His hair was longer, somewhat a few tones lighter than the last time you saw him. His eyes took a couple of blinks to recognize you, changing the gleam in that hazel color you used to share so many secrets with. He smiled at you, the ghost of a laugh hidden in the dimples you used to poke at lunchtime, claiming that it wasn’t fair that he got to be the pretty one of the two of you. And for a moment, the man standing in front of you was the same kid you met all those years back, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey!” Ashton sang with a laugh, stepping closer into your space and hugging you with one arm as the other took your bag out of your hands “I’m so glad to see you! It’s been so long”

“Yeah,” You softly said, pulling back just enough to analyze his face “Thanks for the invite, Ash”

“Of course! I know you’re not a big fan of hotels anyway and, you know, it’s good to have you back. You’re always welcome to stay here when you’re in town”

He opened his arm toward the door and invited you in. You tried not to think about the fact that this was the first time you stepped foot into his house ever since he moved to L.A. He invited you before when you first moved, but schedules were complicated back then and after a while he stopped offering.

It was hard to think that once you used to live at his house back in Australia. Always trying to escape whatever nonsense was happening over at yours. At some point, you lost count how many times you ended up napping on his bed while he played some dumb internet game on his computer or watched a really dumb movie because “You don’t understand, Y/N, Seth Rogen is a genius” And you didn’t understand because even then you thought Seth Rogen was a creep, but it didn’t matter. You were in your safe space. You were with him. And he probably didn’t even know just how much that meant to you.

Now as you look around, you couldn’t help but search for that same feeling. A sign telling you it’ll be okay.

“Sorry, I know the living room is a little messy”

You turned to watch him look around the place with a slight blush on his cheeks. You smiled kindly at him.

“It’s okay, I’m not one to talk either” You turned back to the room “This place… suits you. It’s a lot like I imagined. Very artsy, very you”

He looked at you confused for a while “Yeah, I haven’t changed it much since -” He caught himself before he could continue and tried to cover his realization with a cough “No, yeah. Thanks! Come, your room is over here”

Once he settled your bag on the bed you went and sat next to it. Silence falling over the two of you as he stood awkwardly at the door.

“I hope everything is-”

“Everything is lovely, Ash” You smiled “Thank you”

He nodded and looked away. Hands hid inside of his pockets as he thought of the right thing to say. But nothing seemed to come to mind.

Suddenly, you felt out of place. Incredibly conscious that maybe you were an inconvenience now that you were there. Maybe, after all, he didn't want you there. You wanted to take this chance to meet him and talk, knowing you couldn’t just pretend that the years of separation and the strangeness you now felt toward each other didn’t exist. Yet, judging by his stand, there might not be a chance to bring those old moments back.

“So, how long are you staying in L.A for?” He asked. And he must’ve seen the way your face fell in disappointment for he quickly followed by saying “Not that I’m not happy that you’re here, of course, I invited you. Just wondering because that bag is just-”

“Oh. Yeah, no. My other bags are still at the hotel”

“The hotel?”

“Yeah, I just asked my team if I could leave them there since we leave in a week and I don’t need much to get by while I’m here and so…”

“Wait,” Ashton shook his head “You’ve been in L.A for a while now?”

“A month or so”

“And you didn’t tell me? Y/N, I offered you a place to stay for a reason”

You frowned “Ash, I did tell you. Last time we texted to see when I was arriving, I told you I was already here”

“No, you said-” He protested as he took out his phone and you watched him scroll down to your conversation. His words got caught up once he read those messages again “I- I though-”

“I have been incredibly busy these past few days, hence why I didn’t want to inconvenience you with my crazy schedule and all. This last week is all I have to relax and so I thought that we could catch up this week before I leave?”

“No, no, no yeah, you’re totally right.” He said, running a hand through his face, embarrassedly “I’m just an idiot”

You looked at him quizzically.

“Everything okay, Ash?”

“I thought we had more time, that’s all” He smiled softly at you “Anyway, ready for tonight?”

“Tonight?” You asked, a small smile forming in your face.

“Yeah! I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate your new album!”

Ashton started to dance awkwardly, making you laugh as you shook your head at him.

“You really don’t have to do that, you know?”

“I want to!” He said “You’ll see, just be ready by seven”

He clapped his hands and left the room. A warm feeling spread through your chest on the fact that he wanted to celebrate you and your success. It finally felt like he cared, like he hasn’t forgotten about you. This really was a chance to put all bad things in the past and start anew.

Or at least, that’s what you hoped.

You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath 'Cause you only listen to your fucking friends

Fuck off and pour another drink And tell me what you think You know that I'm too drunk to talk right now

You knocked on his door at fifteen past seven. You decided to wear your favorite light blue top with black, wide leg pants and some low heels. You didn’t really know where he was supposed to take you or how you should dress, so you went with the most comfortable but chic thing you could find given that you didn’t plan to go out as much.

When Ashton opened his door you took a step back to look at him. He was wearing jeans and a wide, white shirt. You could feel your cheeks blush, and had to look down to hide it. It was an awful familiar feeling that you thought you could leave behind knowing that it was extremely pointless to feel the way you once did.

And just like all those years back, he didn’t notice. But for the first time you were glad he didn’t.

“Sorry I made you wait” He said with a smile, closing the door behind him.

“It’s okay,” You said, looking up with a shy smile.

Ashton walked past you to grab his keys, the path he created with his cologne left you dumbfounded for a minute. It was a different smell, one that you weren’t familiar with.

“Why do you have so many colognes?” You asked him once, walking over to his small desk while he wrote what was left of his assignment. Ashton looked up and chuckled when he saw you puffing them into the air to smell them and making faces at each one “They’re mostly presents from my family. I think my aunts were trying to tell me something last year”

“Well, at least they have good taste” You said, trying on the one that had a clear, almost orangy color bottle “Yeah, I’m taking this one home”

“No the hell you’re not!” He got up and took the bottle away from you, raising his arm over his head so that you couldn't catch it. It was his favorite pastime to remind you just how short you were back then “This is my favorite one!”

“You never use it!”

“I will!”

After a couple more tries to grab it from his hands you saw yourself surrender and falling onto his bed again “If you don’t wear it at least five times a week, I’ll take it”

“Deal” He said with a smile, throwing one of his hoodies at you from the floor “And then you will hate it so much because it’ll remind you too much of me that you won’t even want it afterward”

You never told him that it would be the opposite.

Next thing you know, Ashton has parked and was getting out of the car. You looked around and you were surrounded by nice streets and expensive houses. You opened the door and looked over at Ashton who was nodding his head toward one of the houses.

“C’mon” He said with a smile.

“Where are we? Is this a new restaurant I haven’t heard about or…?” “What? No,” He chuckled, ringing the doorbell “Is my friend Andrew’s home. He invited us over for dinner to celebrate that he came back from tour as well”

You were at a loss for words, “He invited us?”

“Yeah, I told him you were coming. Why, what’s wrong?”

A lot. You wanted to tell him. A lot was wrong. How could he not see what he was doing? If he had told you that you were just going to a friend’s house then you wouldn’t have looked so out of place, or feel like a fish out of water. You didn’t know who this Andrew was, you didn’t even know if Ash had actually told them that you were coming or if you’re just going to turn up at this reunion/party for his friend. He said it was to celebrate you.

But before you could voice your concerns to him, the door opened and a guy with a big mop of hair jumped in to hug him.

“Dude! I’m so happy you could make it!” He - Andrew, apparently - smiled widely at Ash, chatting with him for a minute before he noticed you standing beside him “Oh, hi!”

“Hi,” You smiled shyly, extending your hand in greeting knowing Ashton was not going to introduce you judging by the face he just made, seemingly embarrassed of that fact “I’m Y/N”

“Of course!” Said Andrew, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a kiss on the cheek that you weren’t expecting “I heard so much about you, I didn’t know you were friends with this guy here”

“Yeah! We’re friends since the old Australian days” Ashton said, smiling at you “Y/N here dropped by for a visit since she’s doing a lil business around L.A”

You smiled tensely during that small exchange. Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the car and wait for everything to be over.

One of the reasons you left L.A was because nothing ever felt right. For years you tried to fit in into the scene, going to parties and hosting them with a bunch of people who didn’t even know your last name. You were never good at making new friends, that is to say once you’ve established a relationship with someone then friendship would just roll around the corner. But everyone here was moving so fast it was almost impossible to even wish for a deeper connection with someone.

When you first moved, you thought it would be like a great new beginning. Yet you’ve never felt more alone. The only people you knew were from your team and from Ashton’s band, but even then they turned into more acquaintances given just how little time they seemed to spend in the city.

And maybe Ashton knew that. Maybe he was trying to fix that and give you some opportunities to mix with his group of friends; something you’ve been wanting to do since you moved here all those years ago. Still, something fell… off about all of this.

After the guys talked a little bit more, finally Andrew invited you in. There, you found a group of people you’ve never met hanging around the living room. Plastic cups and ashtrays were scattered around the room as a tinted, light smoke served to decorate the place and give you just an idea of the state of most attendees.

As you walked by, people started to come up to Ash, greeting him and spending a few minutes catching up. Not one of them turned to look at you for more than a second or even gave you the courtesy to say hi. Ashton didn’t seem to notice it at first, but there would come the rare occasion that he would introduce you to some of the groups that started forming around him.

It was not a rare sight for you. Back in school he was the popular one, always friendly with countless people you didn’t even see around school that often.

“This is Y/N, she’s here promoting her new album!” He’d say.

“Wait, I know you!” One of the strangers said, their smile totally welcoming “Taylor Swift gave you a few shout-outs recently, didn’t she?”

You smiled “Yeah! I had a chat with her at a label party a few days back. She’s amazing. We talked about collabing soon, maybe a writing session next time she flies out to the U.K”

“Damn, that’s awesome! I’m Laura, by the way” They said, extending her hand toward you “Ash, why didn’t you bring her along on one of our trips?”

Ashton chuckled “C’mon L, well…”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s our style. No offense” A guy next to them said. You frowned

“What do you mean?” You smiled awkwardly “Have you heard my songs before or-?”

“Nah, it ain’t that. It’s just- We don’t go Taylor Swift’s style”

You could feel your heart beating loudly inside your chest as you looked between Ashton and the other guy, hoping that Ash would intervene “But I’m not Taylor”

Once again you looked toward Ash, but his eyes were cast down to the bottle of beer that he held in his hands. You couldn’t help the disappointment that came over you then.

“Hey man, not cool” Laura said, locking your arms together as they pulled you away “Don’t mind him, he’s high out his mind right now. C’mon, let’s get a bit drunk”

They took you to the main couches and sat next to you. Your cheeks were a bit red from the humiliation. How could you have expected Ashton to defend you? He said it before that your music didn’t go with his vibes and that it was not really his thing, so why would he help you now?

“Those guys can be assholes sometimes. I love them, but they’re so…” Laura trailed off, looking over at you “But hey, forget about them. Tell me a little bit about yourself, how do you know Ash?”

You ended up telling them your whole story. About how you met when you were kids and how he was your best friend. How lonely you felt when he moved away the first time. And how excited you were to see him again after your big break, but that life got in the way. You probably told them more than you should’ve, but the drinks were soft and the room was crowded. And for the first time in the evening someone was actually willing to listen, curious to know you rather than know about you.

“That seems like a whole adventure” They smiled, “And when was the last time you saw Ash before deciding to come and stay with him?”

It wasn’t that long ago, a year or so earlier, when you gave a secret concert in London when you released your last album. He was standing in the corner, smiling at you as you sang. It was the first time since you told him you were moving a couple of years prior. You both kept following each other on social media, but that was pretty much it when it came to your relationship. And you were good with it.

You knew they were in the U.K for their tour, Michael and Crystal had asked you for drinks during that same week and you had a great time catching up. So, against your mind’s warning, you started to hope you would run to him soon enough. And when he appeared at the concert, you couldn’t help but smile back.

Afterwards, when you were back in the green room, you asked if he was still out there and to invite him over to chat. But no one from your team saw him; apparently he was already gone by the time you went off the stage. You remember waiting until you went home to allow yourself to cry, even for just a few minutes. That small interaction that seemingly never happened opened the wound back again. And, if you were honest with yourself, that was one of the main reasons why you decided to take on his offer to stay with him. But you didn’t say that.

“I don’t know,” You told them instead, as your eyes landed on Ashton standing a few feet away from you, a lighted joint between his lips as he laughed with people that you haven’t seen before “Since I moved to Scotland, I think. A while before, probably”

If Laura saw the sadness in your eyes, they never mentioned it. They just said “Okay, I think you should be a little bit drunker, my friend”

Hours later you were alone and tipsy sitting at the front porch of Andrew’s home, nursing a cigarette between your fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked” A voice came from behind you.

You sighed, putting the filter in between your lips and taking a long hit before you let the smoke get lost into the night.

“You’re mad.” Ashton said, sitting next to you

“And you’re high”

“So we’re both telling the truth tonight” He chuckled, you didn’t “When did you pick up this habit?”

“I don’t know,” You answer honestly. “It was better than drinking myself to death back in Australia. It helps with my anxiety”

“What do you-”

“Alcohol makes you fat.” You deadpanned as you took another hit “I didn’t want my mom to have yet another reason for her nagging”

“Y/N-”

“But she’s not here so,” You passed him your empty cup, still not looking at him “Bring me another one, please?”

Ashton sighed “I think you had enough,”

“You will just never stop making decisions for me, are you?” You stood up, killing the cigarette after one last blow “I know what I’m doing, Ash. I’m a fucking adult, if you haven’t realized. I don’t need you to tell me what to do”

His eyes widened. He parted his lips as if to say something, looking over his shoulder back at the party. You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t worry, your friends can’t listen to what I’m saying. Your reputation will still be intact and they will still love everything that comes out of your mouth”

“Hey,” Ashton said with a bit of a bark “Don’t talk about them like that”

You pressed your lips on a tight smile, looking at him as your eyes filled with tears. You couldn’t believe that he was defending them like that from just a simple comment, but left you completely alone when they were making worse comments at you.

“Fuck, Y/N” He said, frustrated “I’m trying here, you know? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! You don’t want to talk to me, you moved across the world. You still talk to the guys-”

“They’re my friends,”

“I was your friend too!” He shouted, surprising you “And I want this to work. I want you here, with me. But if you don’t want to be here and go back to your fucking hotel- I want us to work!”

“Why am I here, Ash?”

“C’mon, don’t be like that! I just wanted you to meet a few people, celebrate your new album-”

“Yet none of them cared to get to know me, nor you to introduce me and actually wanting to celebrate with me” You took a deep breath and sighed “Give me the keys to the house, I want to leave”

Ashton shook his head.

“You’re angry. I get that”

“No, Ash. I’m tired and I want to go to bed” You said more firmly this time “Give me the keys and I’ll call an Uber”

“I’ll take you!”

“The fuck you aren’t” You laughed, not a hint of humor in your voice “You’re high with more than just weed apparently. I’m drunk. I would rather not fucking die tonight, thank you”

“I’m not going to-”

“I don’t want you to! Okay? Fuck, Ash! I don’t feel safe around you!”

You saw the ways his eyes changed, how hurt they looked so suddenly at your words. You knew you wounded him, but it was how you felt. You didn’t trust him, not tonight.

“Y/N…” He said, getting up and walking over to you but you took a step back. He sighed, roaming around his pockets before he found his keys and gave them to you “Text me when you get there, leave the keys by the potted tree”

You answered him with a nod and a small thank you. You didn’t watch him as he turned away and walked by to the house. You didn’t hear Laura, who was watching over from the window, tell him:

“I don’t know what you did, man. But I’ve never seen anyone with such sadness in her eyes”

Damn, who are we right now? Can we have a little conversation? Figure it out with no intoxication We carry on, what is our motivation?

You woke up when you heard footsteps outside of your door. You knew it was him waiting outside, probably debating on whether or not to knock on your door, wanting to talk. There were times in the past where he would just open the door to your room and sit down on the floor next to your bed, waiting for you to start talking or acknowledge him so that he could apologize or talk things through. Sometimes you didn’t need to say anything, you just understood each other. And as he walked away without a word, you wondered where did all those times go?

Where was the friend that would go out with you and wait on the street for a cab to take you home, no matter whom he was with or what you were doing. Where was the friend that when you snuck out to your first concert, he held you close by the waist and covered your body so that none of the beer that people were throwing around got into your clothes or hair. What happened to the friend that would stay awake chatting with you on the phone even though you had an exam early the next morning, all because the guy you liked broke your heart.

Tears rolled down your face as you tossed and turned on the bed. It wasn’t fair, your heart kept begging your brain to understand. It wasn’t fair that you had to lose it all without a warning.

Once upon a time, you thought you had it all as long as Ashton was there. Now, you begin to miss the times where he wasn’t. Times where you learned to be happy without him, where you didn’t need him or his approval. Times where you felt complete even though your best friend was not around anymore. You were better off without him, and learned to live without him. You knew that to be the truth. But one just can’t ignore the past and the mystery of how the person that makes you feel such horrible things about yourself once promised to give you the world and its stars and meant it.

You just couldn’t figure it out. So you just forced yourself to go back to sleep.

When you woke up again a few hours later and made your way to the kitchen, you found freshly made coffee and bagels waiting for you on the counter with a little note next to them:

“I’m sorry, can we talk about it later? XX Ash”

You sighed as you wiped out the tears that clung to your eyelashes. You took a sip of the coffee and found comfort in the heat of the mug.

On the other side of town, Ashton was doing the same thing. His eyes were covered behind dark sunglasses as he thought of what to say once he got home. In front of him, Calum can’t say that he’s impressed from what he’s heard.

“What’s your deal?” He asked his friend.

“I- I don’t know” Ashton answered, biting the inside of his cheek “I thought she would have a good time. She was always cool at coming to those types of parties with me back home, we used to have fun”

“You and I both know she hates parties, and back home she had you. The normal, probably tipsy you, to keep her company” Calum said, taking a bite out of his sandwich “Last week I found her sitting alone while the rest of the world was having a conversation around her. We talked and it was nice, she’s not normally that outgoing on the get-go. She never was”

“You saw her last week?”

“We were invited to Gabriel’s cocktail party. You didn’t want to go, as usual”

“You never told me that-”

“What? That we’re still in contact? Dude, we all talk to her from time to time. We mention her in our conversations every now and then. She’s still our friend”

Ashton sighed, “So she just hates me for no reason?”

“You truly think that Y/N L/N could hate you?” Calum chuckled, “That girl would’ve followed you straight to the end of the world back in Aus. As far as I know, there’s only one person she truly hated”

“Who?” Ashton scoffed “I’m pretty sure our politics teacher was not so bad”

“What? No, Ash-” Calum shook his head “Remember when-” His face went blank “Oh shit,”

“What?”

“You didn’t know?”

Tell me that it's all okay You ruined everything good I've been waitin' on this all damn day Always said you were misunderstood Call me in the morning', tell me how last night went I'm here, but don't count on me to Just fucking leave me alone

He found you sitting outside in one of his garden chairs. A cigarette was hanging from your fingertips as the ashes fell on the floor in a small pile. You didn’t look back at him, for your eyes were staring at the moon that decorated the sky with its beauty.

You felt him come outside and sit on the chair next to you. The sound of a lighter made you blink, and you sighed at his exhale. There was no way he was doing this sober, and you couldn’t blame him. Yet…

“I was hoping we could talk without any of that” You said. “You have your ways and I have mines”

Silence fell over the two of you once again. You could feel his eyes burning holes into your profile, but you didn’t have the courage to look at him just yet.

“When did I stop being your best friend?” He asked.

Tears quickly covered your eyes and you hated that. “Probably around the time when you stopped being mine”

“Y/N-”

“You held me, once. Not the usual hugs that we gave each other, no. This one was different. We were at school, an overnight vigil that the nuns made us do every year”

“Those were fun,” He commented “A huge sleepover at school”

“The theme was about lost ones, remember? I had just lost my grandma that past week”

“I wasn’t at the funeral, I was away on a trip to the city. She was the one that taught you how to bake”

“Yeah,” You chuckled. “Though, I was never good at it once she passed. Anyway, of course I started crying. I’ve already lost so many people back then, and I was barely hanging on. But then - then you held me, so tightly. And my tears left a damp stamp on your shirt. You cradled me and brushed my hair with your fingers and whispered “It’ll be okay, you can cry. It’s okay” and kissed my head as they started to sing. You sang as well and never said a thing about it afterwards. That was the moment I knew I couldn’t have loved you more”

The sound of a cricket broke your monologue, and you allowed yourselves to be fed into the sounds of nature for a while. You knew there were still things left unsaid, so you better get over with it now rather than later. You didn’t want to stay for the aftermath.

“Remember the first time you came back to Australia? I was still living there in the house we grew up in. I was having a shitty day at work, so I went to grab a coffee at our favorite coffee shop with other coworkers when a few of our old friends and classmates came through the door. We said our hellos and caught up, it was nice. Then they had to go. “Who’s coming with me to Ash’s house?” One of them said. I remember asking about it as they argued over who had to take the bus or a cab. They told me you were coming back that day and have invited people over to celebrate”

“Y/N,”

“You invited them. Even people I didn’t know that well and that I know for a fact didn’t know you as well. And don’t try to tell me it was a guys thing, cause you invited girl classmates as well”

Ashton opened his mouth to say something, yet nothing came out. “I was numb as I took a taxi home. I still remember that the radio played “Waiting for Superman” as I tried my hardest not to cry. But when I got into the kitchen, I just couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that you were just a door away but didn’t want me there”

“Y/N, I wanted you there” He said, putting his hand on your arm as he leaned closer “I - I know I can’t say anything to fix it now but- I missed you, too”

“It didn’t seem like it” You told him “Every time I learned something about you back then was through a story or a tweet. I learned through the paparazzi who you were with and in which city you were going to sleep next. I saw you living your best life with your friends away from home. And, I get it, we both resented that place and all that we suffered while we were there. I just - I just hoped that my memory was something worth saving, cause my memory of you always was and will always be the best thing that’s happened to me while we were there”

You turned to him and looked him in the eyes “It just hurt to know that while I put you on a pedestal, I was already out of your sight”

“Baby, you know that’s not true” You scoffed “I swear! In my memory, you were always there! Front of the line!”

“Then why-?”

“I was scared, okay?!” He shouted, lowering his eyes in shame “So fucking scared and it’s so stupid!”

“Scared of what?!” You shouted back, willing for him to look you in the eyes “Ashton, for god’s sake just tell me!”

“They told me that you liked me!”

For a moment time stood still. You backed away from him as his words started to make sense. You pulled away your arm, letting his hand grasp the space that you left between the two of you.

“What?”

“People started whispering,” He said, his voice broken as if he were crying “Telling me how good of a couple we could be. How happy you were with me and how in love you looked”

“When was it?”

“At the beginning of our senior year” Ashton admitted, ashamed “I- I already knew that I wanted to get out of Australia. I knew that with the guys we could take the band somewhere massive. So I put my whole soul into it, trying to escape the feelings that would pull me back”

“You thought I was pulling you back” You stated, betrayed.

“No! I was pulling myself back by thinking about it!” Ashton said, finally looking at you and hating the way you were looking at him “I couldn’t risk it”

“Couldn’t risk what?! That I could have feelings for you?!” You stood up “You’re unbelievable! You could’ve asked me! Come to me instead of running away and make me lose part of myself in the process. Parts that I can’t take back, that I can’t love back because of you”

“Y/N!” He tried reaching out to you, but you took a step back.

“No!”

“Y/N, please! Just-!”

He grabbed you by the elbow and pulled you to him. The movement made you lose your balance, tripping over your feet as Ashton maneuvered you to land on top of his lap, holding you by your waist.

The sudden proximity made you lose all the air inside your lungs as you looked at him and his hazel eyes surrounded by red. He looked desperate, pleading with his eyes for something you couldn’t understand. He was breathing hard, his chest colliding against yours where your heartbeats were going as fast as your thoughts. Almost impossible to catch up.

Then, almost without thinking, Ashton launched himself forward and pressed his lips on yours.

The softness of the kiss contrasted the chills that ran up and down your bodies. As you gasped for air, his hand came to tangle itself on your hair, pulling you closer to him as you allowed him to deepen the kiss. He sat back on the chair and pulled you with him, making your legs spread at either side of his hips; never once letting you go as he kissed you over and over again, like a man deprived of something more.

“Y/N,” He whimpered against your lips, making you sigh as his hands roamed your body until they landed on your hips, moving them against lower half “Y/N, please”

Your mind was clouded in smoke, feeling the heat of his kiss along the length of your neck. His words whispered your name, as his movements on your hips became erratic, letting you feel all of him under you.

“Please, please Y/N” He said, kissing and kissing and kissing every part he could find “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

Suddenly, you opened your eyes as you jumped back to reality. Putting a hand on his chest and pulling away from him. Both of you were left panting, as your skin tingled from the contact.

Ashton’s eyes were desperate, looking at you in fear of what you might do. His lips - you imagined - were a mirror of yours, plumb and beat red as your name escaped him in the form of a question. You closed your eyes and let a tear fall across your cheek as you shook your head.

“You don’t get to do this to me” Your voice, a whisper.

“What?” He asked, almost out of breath. But you were already getting off him and turning your step back to the house.

“You don’t get to do this to me!” You yelled through the tears “You don’t get to confuse me all over again. You don’t get to have a half-ass apology followed by a kiss that would make it all better!” You turned to him, poking a finger on his chest “You don’t get to make me hate myself all over again for loving you when you didn’t think it was convenient for you!”

“Y/N!” Ashton pleaded, taking your hand in his before you yanked it away “I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking-!”

“Exactly! You weren’t thinking! You never, not once, thought of me during all of this. Fucking admit it! Trying to get me to come here to patch things up was just such bullshit! You just wanted to make sure that I was still available for you any time you wanted! And don’t say it isn’t fair cause you were not aware of how miserable you made me!”

“That’s not true-”

“Was this just a plot to get me to bed?! Is that what you think of me now?!”

“It’s not true!” Ashton yelled “I know I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry! I should’ve never-! Look, I want to patch things up. You were right, goddammit, Y/N, you were right! It took me a long time to realize and fuck! After you moved away I was fucking miserable as well! I- I failed you”

You stood there in front of him, crying silently as he paced desperately.

“Ashton,” You called to him “Ashton, why am I here?”

Suddenly, he stopped and looked at you “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“About what?”

“For fuck’s- About the fact that you were abused, Y/N!” He yelled, leaving you speechless “Right after I left! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

You swallowed hard “It was none of your business-”

“You told Calum” He accused “You told Calum and you never told me. Why? Maybe it was not just me who was a shitty friend to you, after all, if you were going to keep things like that from me”

“How fucking dare you, Ashton Irwin. How fucking dare you?” You pushed him away “I told Calum by mistake! I didn’t mean to do it and it was years after it happened. And because I didn’t think you would care!”

“What?” He broke down, putting his hands on his knees for balance as he looked at you in tears “How- Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s the truth,” You cried “Just like you said, you had big dreams and a massive opportunity and I was just going to pull you back. Ashton, you just justified everything I thought it was true with that sentence”

“Y/N-”

“Do you think I had a good time? Knowing that my best friend, the only person I cared about in the world didn’t give a fuck about me to even ask how I was doing? So if you really wanna know… I don’t relate to you anymore. I don’t. I don’t want to think about what we had anymore because it just makes me fucking sad. I thought the world of you. Ash, you were my everything. I loved you, as a friend. I loved you, as the sun loves the moon even when it’s gone. I loved you with every prayer, every pleading, every move I made was for that one day I could be with you again, anyway that you would have me. I would’ve died a thousand times next to you, just as long as you kept me company. I didn’t care about what could happen to me. And when something happened, I tried to spare you from it, even when you never once asked. Fuck! I moved to L.A and this is the first time I’ve been in your house!”

“That’s-”

“I wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true. I wish we could’ve resolved this somehow, but let’s be honest. There is no bridge to burn when we're already so far away. And those memories? From all those years back? Now it all feels like a lie and don’t you dare say otherwise. You’re not the person I once knew, Ash. The person I once knew would’ve never invited me here to leave me alone at a party with people I don’t know, saying a cute lie about how it was for me when in reality it was to make you look a certain way. The person I once knew would’ve never made me feel like nothing every time we were at an event together and you couldn’t even say hi. The person I once knew would’ve never let their “friends” disrespect me in any way. The Ashton I knew wouldn’t have tried to make me feel sad. He wouldn’t have made me so miserable to be in my own skin because they’re not brave enough to face the music he so highly speaks about. You never once showed support for what I do once I became my own person. You never once called to ask how I was. You never once believed in me as much as I believed in you. You made me hate this city. But even more, you made me hate everything I used to love about us. Now I meet someone new and wondered if it’ll be like what we had. You ruined me, Ash. And you never apologized for it”

Ashton was shaking his head, crying as he listened to what you had to say.

After you had your feelings heard, you didn’t walk away or ran through the door so that you could escape the aftermath like you did back in December all those years ago. You were not going to run away again. Not when your heart finally felt light from all the things you’ve been carrying.

You and Ashton cried in silence, each one at one side of the room.

The two of you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened and why did it end up like this? You could play the blaming game; pretend this never happened; you could walk out and never see each other again; or, you could just stand there, waiting, digesting the sour words that fell from both your lips and think, think of anything that could be saved.

“What are we going to do?” Ashton finally asked, voice hoarse from the crying.

“I don’t know,” You answered in all honesty “It’s like we only play to lose”

“Every time,” He said, looking at you and giving a small chuckle. “Every time I see you it just hurts. Not for anything you’ve done, but for everything that I could’ve done but didn’t”

“Maybe it was for the best to have it end this way”

“But… I don’t want it to.” Ashton admitted in a whisper “Now that you’re here… I kept on failing cause I wanted to prove to myself that I still knew you”

You laughed “Who are we, Ash?” you asked “A girl that chases over the past and a boy with the excuse?”

“How the hell we’re going to make it?”

“Maybe we don’t” You shrugged “Maybe we’re just meant to be passing figures on the street. People we once knew. We can’t go back from this, Ash, and you know it. We’re just going to keep hurting each other”

Ashton nodded, walking over to you as you let yourself be embraced by a hug.

“I love you, Y/N. I will always love you”

“Terribly” You murmured against his chest “I will love you all my life, Ash. And I’ll miss you forever”

“Tell me that it’ll be okay? Please?”

You smiled and placed a small kiss on his chest, and held him tighter. And he knew.

He knew.

*

*

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @calumspupils@secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @lendeluxe

[beevean]

The reason why Lost World started to move the fandom in the opposite direction, I think, is due to a number of factors at play:

The fans who grew up with the 2000s were starting to get old enough to have their voices heard when compared to previously

Colors was just one game and Gens' story was very clearly rushed, so it was possible to brush off their stories as one-off blunders at worst, but with Lost World it had become clear that this was to be the actual direction for the series going forward

Lost World's overall reception was much more negative across the board when compared to Colors and Gens, which allowed those fans dissatisfied with the change in direction to gain more prominence by starting to ride the new wave of negativity, which only became more and more pronounced following Boom and Forces

Social media was growing exponentially during the 2010s, which not only gave many more people the chance to voice their opinions, but also saw the rise of the figure of the influencer. Of course dominating popular opinions within fandoms had always been a thing, but now thanks to platforms like Youtube and Twitter it had become much easier for individuals to sway popular opinion to their side

The whole "things were so much better back in my day" mentality in general is an extremely safe and cozy one, as it allows one to create their own fantasized and ideal version of the past that can be used to take refuge from a hateable present, as the past is immutable. This works for both those fans who were present during the 2000s and have lots of nostalgia for it (genuine or otherwise) and newer fans who were not actually present but can be easily swayed by the dominant discourse

All good points. It's true that Lost World as a whole had a much more lukewarm reception than its predecessors, but it really felt like the reception for the new direction turned tide overnight. But yes, the "Boom era" didn't help at all - I too back then was starting to feel like it was time to move on from Sonic, both for the general climate and SEGA's awkward attempts to promote a spinoff brand no one liked (not even mentioning the memetically bad RoL).

[silyabeeodess]

To every moron who tries to dismiss rational critiques over media because "it's for kids"... you want to know what else is namely geared toward kids? Simple foods like chicken nuggets. If I found out that a restaurant had rat droppings in their chicken nuggets, I wouldn't tell an adult that they don't have a right to like them in the first place or a child that they deserve to eat rat droppings. "It's for kids," isn't an argument: It's you clinging at straws with a paper-thin defense by trying to ban someone from a thing they enjoy, possibly even with their own children or younger siblings. Furthermore...

There are series that have crossed multiple generations, especially in an age when more remakes, spin-offs, and reboots are promoted than original content. Nevermind series that have lasted literal decades and several reincarnations, you also have shows that can last for years in one single run. For example, if you were 12 when Adventure Time came out (2010), you were probably 20 when it ended (2018). If someone didn't like the finale, being an adult didn't negate their opinion. If anything, as a fan of the exact intended demographic when the show released, who spent almost their half their lifetime watching the show, they deserve to have an opinion more than anyone. A company that ignores fan loyalty is just cutting themselves off at the knees.

If a company didn't want the adult demographic as well, they wouldn't bank so hard on nostalgia. It shouldn't be rocket science that a child cannot feel nostalgia for something they weren't even alive to experience.

"It's for kids," is never an excuse for releasing a bad product. That's just demeaning children by assuming they will accept whatever slop you throw their way. Think they can't tell the difference? Let's take a good look at Hanna-Barbera, the studio that originally created Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo is an important part of animation history for the formulas it established that would later be reflected in other cartoons. One of these formulas was utilizing the Five Man Band trope, often with an animal mascot to round out a group of diverse characters. The company tried repeating Scooby Doo's success in a large collection of other shows such as Goober and the Ghost Chasers and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids. We hardly hear about those shows today, however, because kids back then saw them for the rip-offs that they were and so they didn't gain anywhere near the same popularity. Again: Same company, same formulas, same demographic; different quality, different amounts of respect for the product, different results.

Adults are going to have to sit through your terrible media too. Kids rarely have money themselves: Adults are the ones bringing little Sally and Timmy into the theatre or buying them movies, toys, and games. Where one adult can tolerate hearing their daughter's Elsa doll sing "Let it Go," for the millionth time, plenty of others will opt to get their kid a much quieter toy for the sake of their own sanity. Adults are also the ones passing the torch of older media to the next generation. Not every show needs jokes or dated references only adults will understand, but you can never forget the family aspect of a piece of media that labels itself as family-friendly. If you upset or insult the adults, they sure as heck aren't letting their kids anywhere near your product.

Guess who has to make kids' media in the first place? Adults! I know! What a shock! If a piece of media is "just for kids," then maybe "just kids," should be making it--you know, if they didn't lack the experience or resources to do so. How does the 30 year-old in a writer's room somehow automatically know more about what the next generation needs or is experiencing than the 30 year-old parent trying to find good content for their children? This goes doubly so when you go against timeless stories that have lasted several generations.

If I am an adult and I like a family-friendly stories, general themes with good morals, and beautiful animations, things you label as being "just for kids," as opposed to crude jokes and pointless dramas, how is that even any of your business? If it bothers you that much, then it sounds like you're the one who needs to get a life.

[paullovescomics]

Finished reading the first series of Blood Syndicate. On a cover like this, the team looks like so many others from the 1990s: lots of attitude, a guy with guns, a really big person hulking in the back, and one with a full face mask. But the team does operate quite differently. The premise is the most striking out of all the Milestone comics. A group of gang members gain superpowers during the Big Bang*, and they band together to form a new gang and maybe bring some order to their home on Paris Island.

While many in the Blood Syndicate do want to make things better, overall, the group's tactics and motivations often live in a moral grey area. Yes, they bust up crack houses to rid their town of that drug, but they also keep the money for themselves. Maybe they spend some of it early on to help the community (I don't clearly remember, I took a while to read all 35 issues), but at least in the second half of the series, they don't. This is a big part of what makes the series interesting. We see them do things that make sense to them, even while we the audience know it's going to turn out badly. These are people who didn't expect to ever have anything really good in their lives, so how will they imagine their superpowers will help them now? How we grow up shapes which possibilities we can see.

As with all of the great superhero teams of the 80s and 90s, interpersonal drama drives a lot of their actions. The soap opera approach to superheroes was still very much in effect here. I personally like that, and I'd like to think that's not only due to nostalgia. I think it does give the audience more to emotionally engage with. It also encourages writers to find subplots for each character, and involve them in more than just fights.

The cast of Blood Syndicate is pretty big. There are like 14 members of the group across the series, and it's not unusual for 12 or 13 to be active at any given time. This means that not everyone gets the same amount of development. By the end, I felt like I had a much better grip on the characters of Fade, Brickhouse, Masquerade and Kwai than any of the others.

The relationship between Brickhouse and Third Rail would be a huge hit among a lot of fans today.

The next old-school Milestone series I plan to read is Icon. Reading the series individually does make the crossover stories a little confusing, but thankfully there aren't many of those.

*The Big Bang is the event which gave many of Milestone's heroes and villains their powers.

[digi-tama-in-your-pocket]

The Match Maker is already showing up for my Flowertchi... man.. I do not care for that at all.

I hate to say it but so far, i'm not seeing what all the hype was about for the Tamagotchi Connections...

Are they technically better than gen 1/2? Sure, I guess. But personally speaking, i'd rather play a short minigame where all I have to do is win 3/5 times to gain a heart, I feel like connection minigames are kind of obtuse and require you to play for much longer to fill a heart.

Are they better than the later releases like the ON, Pix, or Uni? No, I really would not say that they are. They built the foundation for those releases. But there's nothing about the device that i've experienced that makes me say "oh I wish the pix had this."

And listen... I'm a retro game fan. It pisses me off when someone says "an older game isn't worth experiencing because a newer one essentially does the same thing but better, and you're all just a bunch of dumb nostalgia blind manchildren if you can't see that." so I kind of hesitate to say that here, but Tamagotchis is Tamagotchis. So far my experience between versions 1 2 and 3 have not been significantly different from each other or even that different from the color screen devices i've played. But on these devices, you even have a lot of the same characters because after the 2004 reboot, they stopped making devices with completely new rosters and kept bringing back the popular ones. So it's not like Gen 1 and 2 Tamas, or Digimon OG/C v1-5 where there are no repeating characters, it's just that the connections have felt like a very iterative upgrade.

I'm sure it sounds like I hate this thing, I don't, I just had high expectations because the Tamagotchi Community have been bugging Bandai for this for years, and were very happy when the remakes were announced, meanwhile I was over here saying I wanted more vintage era releases and didn't really care about connections, so I was hoping that there was maybe a good reason people were so fixated on the connections, but no, it just seems like a uni in black and white without tamaverse, except you only get to keep your tama for 12 days before it turns into a grotesque caricature of an elderly person. I'll just say i'm happy that elders aren't a thing on the newer devices, and that you can keep your tama alive until you forget to take care of it.

I'm still going to run my Connections from time to time, and I'd still like to experience other versions of connections, but I guess this is just another fandom i'm a part of where I have an unpopular opinion, where connection era is just the least interesting to me.

[animehouse-moe]

Mahou Shoujo Magical Destroyers Episode 4: R U Ready?

Another day, another Magical Destroyers episode. It's not so much predictable as it is informative and relatable, but that doesn't cause the value or enjoyment of it to depreciated as it parades itself around through Inagawa's vision that tackles just as many abstract concepts as it does pieces of otaku culture.

So I think I'll try to keep this one short, since the idea is pretty well established and explained. The episode is effectively all about the rift between generations in otaku culture, as a hobby almost. It's about the modern day reconciling with its roots, and that source lashing out at where they've been forced to come to.

Before I get into that though, I want to establish some history with the term Otaku. It originated in the 80s, much like the otaku shown in this episode, and it is indeed a word that's come to embody a similar meaning to how English speakers see "geek" and "nerd", but it wasn't always that way.

Otaku is a very finnicky term in its early years. Originally, it was popularized as term in a magazine that was known for Lolicon Hentai content (though it was later lessened due to reader feedback). Regardless, the term came to be a way to refer to who we see as Otaku thanks to a columnist that would write articles titled "Otaku Research" (Otaku no kenkyuu). From there, it saw use at a marginally harsher version of "geek" or "nerd". Basically, like how old school movies would have bullies refer to kids as a geek. Derogatory and aggressive, but not something full of distaste or anything.

That changed at the end of the 80s though. As the term Otaku gained ground it was used by more, and was forever attached to the "Otaku Murders". Tsutomu Miyazaki was in their late 20s at the end of the 80s, and was a serial killer at the center of a batch of gruesome acts over the course of a year. After being caught and arrested, media began to label Miyazaki as an Otaku and created a massive moral panic to erupt towards the group in Japan at the time. The piece that remains interesting however is that Miyazaki's collection was largely live action horror and pornography, but the media ran with his collection being largely anime and manga.

It's very heavy, but it's how the life of the term Otaku really started. An immediate plummet towards rock bottom that created an intense separation and hatred of Otaku in Japanese society. Outcasts, people that are unable to understand or relate to reality, people that cannot integrate with society, failures. It was a harsh and terrible time to be an Otaku, which this episode does a solid job of depicting while leaving out the heavier aspects.

And within that, a rift is formed. The older otaku who struggled to enjoy their hobby, versus the younger otaku who know nothing of strife. It's a great interaction as you see it all over the place with generations across media and hobbies. Car guys, music (particularly stuff like Rap), even video games. The challenges that faced earlier generations were their rite of passage, one that newer generations never cleared or struggled with. And on the opposite end, why would the newer generations respect that struggle when they have everything in front of them and have their own issues?

It's a back and forth that, even though it's covered comically, gets the point across of the generational gaps in hobbies and the distaste that each sees in the other. So very much something that holds particular value in otaku culture, but can also be applied and related to other hobbies and interests.

Okay, well this is not short but there's still more to, sorry! I'll try to breeze through it.

It's impossible to remove tropes and clichés from the root of how many fans see and understand anime these days, so I like how much they're leaned on through this series alongside expectation subversion. It's fun, definitely not fresh, but an enjoyable feeling of nostalgia for the illogical and odd nonetheless.

Plus, random fanservice? Gotta love it, and how it both sort of mocks the pointless scenes of women in animanga, while also placing the sexualization of Blue in her own court.

The pervasion of Otaku culture in interaction and casual dialogue is still quite fun and it finds the right times to make it funny versus making it something closer to a parody. I wouldn't exactly call it a parody as it's not mocking it per se, but it's certainly not an entirely serious depiction either.

In addition to that, I'm also still liking the sort of romantic undertones that the characters give off randomly. I'm unaware as to whether or not it's an intentional piece, but it really adds to that immature feel that pervades a lot of the shallow aspects of the story. You can see it as the weird and wacky Magical Girl comedy that's a high schooler's vision, or you can see the pieces that it expresses underneath. It's easy to take the shallow without the depth, but the latter doesn't come without the former.

And I think that's an important piece to remember with Magical Destroyers. You can take it as it gives it you and have a good time if you're okay with the production value, but you can't separate the two facets of Inagawa's approach to his work in this anime. In for a penny in for a pound, and I think fans that dive in headfirst are really appreciating what Inagawa's giving out.

[the-saltiest-duck]

Salty Comic Review #1: Eeveelution Squad

[DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT ATTACK OR HARASS ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS REVIEW]

Introduction

Eeveelution squad is a DeviantArt comic made by EV-Zero, previously known as PKM-150 which started in 2016 and ended in 2021. This comic was very popular gaining a dedicated fanbase, with many fandubs, art, fanfiction and even fan songs! I know I personally enjoyed it back when I was young, so it holds a lot of nostalgia for me. The author started a reboot of the series but quickly abandoned it, since he was understandably burnt out after working on the comic for 5 years.

Review

As much as this pains me to say, this comic is NOT good. For one, the characters are very basic. I did not care for any of them in the slightest. This problem only gets worse when later in the comic there are way more characters introduced and all of them have the combined personality of a slice of bread. Because most of the characters in the story are eevees or eeveelutions, it becomes difficult to tell them apart at some points. The characters are written in such a way that they don't feel like actual people at all. The best way to describe the writing of this story is, person watches too much anime and shoves every annoying anime trope possible into their story. Many "senpai"s and "baka"s are dropped and it reminds me of those cringey anime kids in high school. The worst offender of this is Glaceon, who has a running bit of harming Jolteon when he does absoloutely nothing wrong. I shouldn't have to say why this is bad. Though this might be partially my personal preference, I hated all of the romances which ranged from vaguely abusive to boring as plaster. If you want to reread the comic for nostalgia purposes, only read the first few chapters, once you get to the special chapters, just stop reading. This comic was such a painful read of 1020 pages, not even including all the extra content. The lore of this story is so unnecessarily complex for a story about which elemental dog is going to smooch who. I could not tell you a single thing about all the lore in this story except there are evil shadow monsters and parallel universes. The lore isn't even important at all to the story. The most irritating thing is that at one point it just starts alternating these long ass exposition dumps inbetween the actual story. The Eeveelution Squad was enjoyed by so many people because it was cute and simple, if it had kept to slice of life it would still be cringey but it would be bearable. But having all this lore literally nobody cares about and pages of long ass textboxes it just not going to work with the kind of story ES is. But no, it had to be dragged out for an unbearably long time because fuck you!

Conclusion

Pros

+ Cute artstyle

+ Simple and shippable cast

Cons

- Bad writing

- Complete disregard of show don't tell

- Boring characters

- Horrible pacing, especially at the end

- Overdone anime clichés

- Waaayy too many characters

Overall rating 1/5

[iuteamstarcandy]

Soribada ‘Flower Bookmark’ Interview (May 2014)

Welcome to Soribada! It’s your first time meeting Soribada members, please do a simple introduction of yourself.

IU: Hello, Soribada members. I’m IU and I’m back with my ‘Flower Bookmark’ album.

The concept of your newly released remake album ‘Flower Bookmark’ gives off a fresh and natural feeling while exuding analog emotions. The album cover concept seems to have been popular mainly in the 70s and 80s and I'm curious about the background behind how you decided on the concept.

IU: First of all, since it’s a remake album, I wanted to do both a new interpretation of the songs, as well as to capture the emotions back then at the same time. So there are parts here and there that preserve the emotions of those days. For the album cover too, I wanted to reflect the retro reeling back then, while showing a new interpretation of Kim Wan Sun sunbaenim’s hairstyle and fashion.

I think the faint, yet pure tone is enough to evoke nostalgia for the 70s and 80s and to create a sensation among young people. But there must have been challenges to satisfy older generations and younger people at the same time, so what did you use in order to connect seamlessly between them? (If you tried to resolve this issue?)

IU: The songs in this album are such classics that anyone can sing them. Even without having something in particular to connect the generations, there are emotions that young people will enjoy listening to. Since good songs will always be good, whoever listens to them, whenever you listen to them and when you listen to them again^^ In a way, the song itself seems to connect young people to the emotions of those days.

If we take a look at your previous albums, you have collaborated a lot with senior singers. In this remake album, senior singers even participated in the remake itself, so how did that happen? What do you gain from working with senior singers?

IU: When I told them that I chose my favorite songs and planned to do a remake of them, all the seniors happily agreed and from the moment I drew out my emotions until the completion of the song, I was able to learn a lot about the background behind writing the song and the emotions they felt at the time. It was also nice to hear those emotions (Note: from the songs) right in front of me. And even when I asked them to feature and work on the teaser with me, I was so thankful that they gladly came to the studio. The best part is that while working together with my seniors, I can listen to their stories. It's really not easy to listen to their stories in person. That helped me a lot and during that period, it allowed me to grow a lot. While working on this song, I was being hard on myself and also felt quite lost, but I gained a lot of strength from the seniors cheering me on and telling me ‘fighting’. Thank you very much for that.

You said you usually visit your Uaena (official fan cafe) at midnight because you are ‘lonely’, so what is IU's loneliness amplification device? (music or books that you listen to when you're lonely) Also, what kind of music makes you forget your loneliness?

IU: I don't know. Hehe my loneliness amplifier is just lying in bed and stoning? I think that kind of behavior amplifies my loneliness. As I’m thinking, I get to face myself and that makes me feel more lonely. Or the other way around, meeting someone can be an amplifier of loneliness too. The loneliness you feel when you're alone and the loneliness you feel when you're with others are different. I think the loneliness I feel when I meet someone feels much worse.. ^^

After your recent showcase in Hong Kong, you released photos and a video about ‘The Story Only I Didn’t Know’. You brought small happiness to your fans with the tiny details about the song, so how was it like meeting your Hong Kong fans? Are they different from your Korean fans? Do you have any plans to promote globally?

IU: It was really good.^^ Recently, I had no special events other than working on my music, so I was spending a break that wasn’t a break and I felt a lot of lonely emotions like in the previous question. During such a time, I had a fan meeting with my Hong Kong fans and I thought to myself, “I’m someone who is so loved like this. I shouldn't get tired♥”. The strength I received from their support was beyond my expectations and Hong Kong food suited my taste, so I refreshed my body and mind before I returned. I went to give joy to my fans, but on the contrary, I received healing instead. Since I meet Koreans often, they feel comfortable like my family and friends, whereas overseas fans cheer for me so enthusiastically (as I don’t get to meet them often in person) ^^ I don't have a specific plan for promoting globally yet, but for my fans who want to meet me, I'm always willing to go anywhere to see my fans in person, like at my Hong Kong fan meeting. I want to have more conversations when we meet, so I am studying languages a lot these days.

You debuted at a young age and have already entered your 7th year. Perhaps that's why, in the lyrics of "Ice Flower," which drew attention for your collaboration with figure skating queen Kim Yuna, it goes “If you look back and see all those footprints, you'll see how far we've come. That's enough. I'm doing well because it's my life and it's my way.” I think you must feel that keenly and more deeply. What does being a ‘singer’ mean to you, as a singer in your 7th year since your debut?

IU: I don't know...^^ I think this is a very difficult question. I'm still a rookie to be able to give an answer. Now IU has become another persona of mine which is as familiar as my real name ‘Lee Ji-eun’ and compared to 7 years ago, I’ve gotten a lot closer to those who love the name IU. I've become more confident and responsible myself too, actually that has relieved the burden from my shoulders. In the past, I used to think that burden and responsibility were the same thing, but now I’ve come to realize bit by bit that they are different. So without burden and purely with responsibility and a healthy energy, I’m trying my best to sing happily because I want to present a nice voice to those who love me, IU.

What does ‘flower’ mean to you and why?

IU: How should I put it? It's hard to express. There's no particular word or phrase that comes to mind ...^^ I think it's 'oblivion' (Note: the condition of not remembering). The reason being that everytime you look at a flower, it's still as pretty as the first time you saw it. Obviously they are the same flowers you saw last spring, yet the flowers this year still leave you in awe as if you're seeing them for the first time. And when this flower withers, it falls to the ground in a mess. Knowing that people will trample on it, it feigns ignorance and in that moment, I think to myself, wow it's really pretty and fall in love with it, so that's why the word 'oblivion' comes to mind.

(Note: A uaena asked the 29-year-old IU who produced the album LILAC whether the significance of ‘flower’ to her has changed since the time she answered the question at 22 years old.

IU: Flowers are strong. Even if they bloom somewhere that would go unnoticed, they have their own values. Their tenacity to bloom in time every year is beautiful.)

Lastly, please say a few words to our Soribada members.

IU: Thank you for listening a lot to my songs on Soribada. I’ll become a singer who interacts with all of you more often through such interviews or by bringing better music in future. I hope this album, Flower Bookmark, will be a small present-like album for all of you in spring. Thank you. This has been IU.

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

Source: [1]