#and grids are super satisfying

[pardalote]

Comission, 2017.

[bear-yawns]

　𝗕𝗜𝗚 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗢𝗡 𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗢𝗡.　formula one · #f1

　　　whether the f1 grid prefers being the big spoon or little spoon when cuddling.

genres : fluff ... established relationships ... f1 grid x reader (max verstappen, yuki tsunoda, lando norris, oscar piastri, charles leclerc, ollie bearman, kimi antonelli, isack hadjar, carlos sainz, alex albon, zhou guanyu, franco colapinto included).　word count : 1k.　warnings : not proofread.　 note : ugh i think my brain melted by the end of this it was SO hard to think of how to write these without it being super repetitive and low-key i think it still is repetitive but know i tried my best </3　　　( masterlist )　( taglist )

𝗠𝗔𝗫 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗡

a big spoon all the time, his arms are like your safe haven. whether in bed, on the couch, or a simple hug in the kitchen, his arms are around yours like it’s the most natural position ever. if you were really truly insistent about being the big spoon, he will attempt being the small one, but he’s not a big fan of it. you need to be in his arms, there’s simply nothing else that will satisfy his itch for physical contact quite like it.

𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢 𝗡𝗢𝗥𝗥𝗜𝗦

he usually starts out as the big spoon, but he always ends up as the little spoon after a few minutes. there’s something so comforting about being nestled in your arms, forehead and curls nuzzling against your shoulder. is always just extremely soft in your arms, but will end up denying that he likes being a little spoon. insists he’d rather have you in his arms than the other way around even when he naturally moves to the smaller position first. 

𝗜𝗦𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗛𝗔𝗗𝗝𝗔𝗥

if you asked him, he would say he’s a big spoon without skipping a beat. but in actuality he always becomes the little spoon with you, even if he doesn’t realize it. he’ll get distracted by your hand gently scratching a spot on the nape of his neck or your arms hugging him tightly. he doesn’t even really register that you’re the one spooning him after he was so adamant he was nothing but a big spoon.

𝗞𝗜𝗠𝗜 𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗢𝗡𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜

he likes being a big spoon, but it entirely depends on the situation, and how eager you are to have your hands in his curls. he will happily let you rest your arms around his waist during late night cuddle sessions, but during the day, he’s definitely going to be the big spoon. maybe a little bit of boyfriend protectiveness comes into play as well, but your waist is like a magnet for his hands. he’s always holding you like that, and will rest his chin on your shoulder too!

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝗟𝗘𝗖𝗟𝗘𝗥𝗖

charles is usually the big spoon, because it feels more natural to him. he’d definitely the type to rest his chin on your shoulder as he’s hugging you or trace little circles on your hip. whatever position you’re cuddling in, he needs to have you as close as possible to him. he loves the smell of your perfume and shampoo and it keeps him cuddled as close as possible, face buried in the joint of your neck and shoulder.

𝗬𝗨𝗞𝗜 𝗧𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗢𝗗𝗔

now yuki hates thinking of himself as the little spoon. he already gets people pointing out how small he is all the time, and admitting that he likes being cuddled up in your arms instead of taking the more “manly” position feels wrong. but he can’t deny it when he’s with you. he loves having his head rested on your chest or shoulder, legs intertwined too if possible. and maybe you also hug your arms around his waist before you go to sleep, but does it really count as a little spoon? (yes, yes it does).

𝗔𝗟𝗘𝗫 𝗔𝗟𝗕𝗢𝗡

alex is tall, making being the big spoon just make more sense. anytime he’s trying to be the little spoon, it just ends up a little awkward and only half spooning. so he’s glad that you’re both content to have him fulfil the role most nights. you fit so perfectly in his arms too! he almost doesn’t want to let you go in the morning when he wakes up with you still snuggled closely to his chest <3

𝗭𝗛𝗢𝗨 𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗨

guanyu is good for whatever you want. he doesn’t mind either way! it’s comfortable to be the big spoon or little spoon depending on the situation. usually when you’re falling asleep he will be the big spoon, but regular cuddling could go either way. you like to hug his waist and rest your head against his back, which ends up in him being the little spoon a lot of the time. 

𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗟𝗔𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗢

you can barely count it as spooning, since franco’s favourite way to cuddle is him entirely on top of you, or you entirely on top of him. he likes the weight of your body, and tracing little patterns on the back of your shirt while you cuddle. on the flip side, he appreciates resting his cheek on your chest or having your arms around his waist. he thinks the concept of spooning is a little redundant though. as long as you’re both cuddling, that’s all that matters. he never gives it much thought when he’s pulling you into his arms.

𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗟𝗢𝗦 𝗦𝗔𝗜𝗡𝗭

big spoon. just not a chance he’s ending up the little spoon on purpose. maybe a couple of times he’s woken up as the little spoon after tossing and turning in the night, but he’s 100% gonna fall asleep being the big spoon for you :( and he loves holding you in his arms too! his hands are meant to be around your waist and his shoulders perfectly blanket your figure— truly he has to be the big spoon. there’s just no other way when you fit so perfectly in his arms. 

𝗢𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗥 𝗣𝗜𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜

big spoon usually, but he doesn’t have much of a preference. he’ll just go along with whatever you want, whether that’s to be in his arms or have him in your arms, he never questions it. he does like it when your hair is close enough to his face that he can smell your shampoo, though. he thinks it smells amazing and it definitely has him pulling you closer and hugging you tighter. 

𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗡

big spoon no questions. he’s got long limbs and their purpose is to wrap around your body. he honestly doesn’t know what to do with himself when you’re trying to be the big spoon. you’ve definitely tried before and both come to the conclusion that you being the little spoon is much better. he just feels a lot more comfortable holding you. plus he likes to kiss your forehead and nose and the position gives him easy access!

taglist: @lxvemaze,, @liawleclerc,, @caffeineboi,, @divierses

[marvelstoriesepic]

Small gesture, Big meaning

Pairing: Tfatws!Bucky x Shield!Reader

Summary: Sam and you prepare something for Bucky’s birthday with the little you can scrape together.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Sam roasting a poor muffin; Bucky being in his feels; bickering; subtle mentions of Bucky’s past

Author’s Note: Another little birthday fic because I felt like it. You might notice I'm extremely motivated to write lately. Let’s hope it stays that way. Hope you enjoy! ♡

Masterlist

“You’re putting too much faith in that sad little muffin.”

Sam is leaning against the rickety kitchen counter, arms crossed, watching with open amusement as you carefully place a candle in the center of the slightly misshapen muffin. It’s a little lumpy, a little too golden brown in some places, and has a slightly deflated top, but considering that you made it in a barely functioning oven with only the ingredients that are offered here, it looks pretty decent.

Supplies are scarce in this safe house, and baking has never been your strong suit. After all, as an agent of Shield, you don’t really have time for domestic stuff like that.

“It’s not about the muffin,” you shoot back, a little defensive. You are even a little proud of this thing, but you won’t admit that to Sam. “It’s about the thought,” you claim, adjusting the small happy birthday banner you both scrawled on torn notebook paper.

Sam hums, his smile not leaving. “Oh, the thought is loud and clear. Happy birthday, Bucky. Here’s a barely edible clump of regret.”

You narrow your eyes at his mocking tone. “Oh come on, at least I tried. You just stood there judging my culinary struggles.”

“I think you managed just fine.” His smile is so toothy. His voice so sarcastic.

Your eyes fall back to the muffin with a roll of your eyes. Sure, it looks a little rustic, but there is something satisfying about it. The last time you baked something isn’t even a memory in your mind anymore.

Your usual diet consists of protein bars and whatever passes for coffee in whatever part of the world you’re holed up in. But you made this. For Bucky.

And for something that isn’t a tactical maneuver, a recon plan, or a mission briefing, that feels like a win.

“It’s not bad.”

Sam snorts.

You throw him a glare.

For a moment, the two of you just stand there.

This isn’t just about Bucky’s birthday - it’s about reminding him that he’s seen, that someone gives a damn. That after all the decades of war, loss, and suffering, there is still something worth celebrating. Even if it’s just with Sam and you.

Sam clears his throat, shifting his weight. “He’s gonna act all grumpy about it.”

You take in a breath. “Yeah, I know. But deep down, he’ll like it.”

Sam softens.

You smile and light the candle.

The safe house you are in right now is tucked in some half-forgotten corner of Eastern Europe - somewhere off the grid but not completely abandoned.

The walls are cracked, the wood is old and worn, the air thick with dust, and the supplies minimal at best. It’s one of those places that’s good for disappearing, for catching a breath, and talking about strategy.

You three have been here for two days now.

There are only a few cans of food, stale crackers, instant coffee that tastes burned. The stove barely works just like the oven, the fridge hums as if it’s dying, and the water pressure in the tiny, rust-stained bathroom is a joke. But it’s shelter, and honestly even quite cozy, and that’s enough.

The situation with Karli and the flag smashers is getting tense. You are trying to track her movements, trying to predict her next move after the GRC camp attack in Latvia.

Bucky left a few hours ago, going after a lead - an arms deal happening at a dockside warehouse a few miles out. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something, maybe another piece of the super soldier serum still floating around in the wrong hands.

You didn’t want him to go alone and tried to make a case for joining him, but Bucky just gave you that look. The one that said he isn’t going to risk anyone else. The one that said he is used to doing things on his own, whether he likes it or not. And with Sam needing to check in with some of his own contacts, that left you here, holding things down.

So you let him go, but still checked your comms every now and then, waiting for the static to break with his voice.

He should be back soon.

Bucky has not said a thing about it being his birthday.

Not today, not yesterday, not in any of the days leading up to it.

Not that this surprised you. You expected it, honestly.

To him, a birthday does not seem to be a marker of another year lived, but rather just another date on a calendar that is too far ahead of him. Another reminder of all the years he wasn’t really there. Not as himself.

He was his usual brooding self. Still and watchful, sitting on the couch in the corner, hands clasped loosely, tapping his metal fingers against his knee in that absent way he does when his thoughts take him somewhere else.

The only real indication that he even knew his birthday was approaching was the way he got quieter. Bucky is never particularly loud to begin with. But there was a shift, a deepening of whatever burden he carried around.

You caught him staring out the window yesterday, waiting for the sky to darken, for the day to pass by unnoticed, slipping through the cracks like so many others before.

So you didn’t bring it up. Neither did Sam.

You just started planning.

Because if Bucky wasn’t going to acknowledge it, you would.

Maybe not with something big, because he wouldn’t want that, but something. Something only for you. Only for the people closest to him currently. A reminder, even if he didn’t ask for one.

Because birthdays might not matter to Bucky.

But Bucky matters to you.

The door swings open with a push that is firm but not rushed, the kind of movement that says he’s been through a thousand doors just like it, in places just like this, and expects nothing on the other side but the same four walls he left behind.

You straighten. So does Sam.

A gust of cold air follows him in, causing the candle in the muffin to flicker slightly.

Bucky steps inside, his boots scuffing against the worn floorboards, the leather of his jacket creaking faintly as he shifts, pushing the door shut behind him.

You don’t think you’re even breathing as you watch him roll his shoulders like he’s shaking off the weight of the night - like if he just moves right, he can shrug off the things he doesn’t want to carry.

“It was nothing,” he says, his voice rough, sandpapered. He is already pulling off his gloves, shoving them into his pocket. “Just a few guys moving crates. Looked like standard weapons, no serum, no Flag Smasher insignias. Could’ve been anyone.”

His tone is gruff, dismissive. Almost a little bored.

“Didn’t stick around long,” he continues, metal fingers curling at his sides. “They spotted me. One guy ran, but the rest didn’t put up much of a-”

And then he looks up.

And stops.

His shoulders tense mid-shift, his mouth still half open from words that don’t make it out. His eyes tell the whole story.

They dart from you to Sam to the muffin in your hands, the candle still burning, wax beginning to pool unevenly at the base. Then to the tiny, hand-scrawled banner you quickly shoved into Sam’s fingers to hold up.

Bucky doesn’t move.

For a long second, he just stares. Not in the way he does when he’s sizing up a threat, when he’s tracking movement in a crowded room, when he’s calculating distance and angles and exits. This is different.

His expression isn’t blank, but it’s unreadable in a way that makes you shift from one foot to the other. He doesn’t seem to know what to do with what he is seeing.

“Happy birthday, Bucky.”

The words come out light, but there is something heavy in them, and you feel that your voice is a little hesitant.

Gripping the muffin a little tighter, you suddenly feel self-conscious about how small this gesture is, how little you were able to put together. It felt like enough before. Like something meaningful. But his silence is making you uneasy.

“Happy birthday, man,” Sam echoes, voice sincere.

Bucky blinks several times, needing to catch up. His features, softened in surprise, start to pull back together, a slow crease forming between his brows. His jaw tightens, lips are still parted slightly before he presses them together, as if cutting off whatever response had almost slipped out.

His eyes continue sweeping around, from the muffin, up to you, to Sam, to the imperfect banner. Something swims beneath the blue of his eyes.

“What is this?” His voice is hoarse, like the words catch somewhere on their way out.

Like he doesn’t already know. Like he can’t believe it.

He shifts his weight, arms hanging stiffly at his sides, metal fingers flexing just slightly, one of those little tells you picked up during your time working together.

He is off balance, caught without an escape route, with no blueprints for this kind of thing. A man who has walked through fire and war and every shade of hell, and yet, somehow, this little gesture, is what catches him completely off guard.

There is something vulnerable in the way he looks at you both, something unguarded in the way his throat works around nothing, as if searching for a response but keeps coming up empty.

Because this is not something he can punch his way through or bury beneath sarcasm and brooding.

It’s just a candle and a muffin and a banner and two people standing in front of him, remembering what day it is.

And maybe that’s what gets him the most.

Bucky doesn’t look away.

He has always been one to simply stare at things, but this is getting intense.

As if the whole concept of this - of being given something without having to earn it through blood or survival - is too distant to reach for.

“Damn, man,” Sam drawls, arms crossing over his chest again. “Are you getting so old now that you forgot what a birthday is?”

You don’t know if you want to punch the man beside you in the gut with every ounce of strength you’ve got or grab his stupid face and kiss him like the world is ending. Maybe both. Probably both.

Because the bastard knows exactly what he is doing. Knows how to crack open a moment before it can become too heavy, how to make things easier for Bucky without making a big deal out of it.

And it kind of seems to work.

Bucky’s expression changes in the way his brows furrow deeper. His mouth twitches - almost a frown, almost a smile, almost something in between. Then he exhales sharply, breath hitching before rushing past his lips a little unevenly. It’s a scoff, but it’s weak, like he can’t quite summon the energy to be properly annoyed.

His eyes fall to Sam, sharp but lacking real bite. “Shut up.”

But there is no edge.

No venom. Like if he weren’t so caught off guard, if he had a little more time to settle into this strange, unfamiliar warmth creeping into the edges of the room, he might have actually had something to fire back.

He shakes his head slightly, as if trying to dismiss the moment before it can sink in too deep, before it can reach whatever part of him has spent too long convincing itself that things like that aren’t for him.

His gaze drops again to the candle. The wax drips lower, the flame wavers.

Then his eyes sweep over the lettering of the banner in Sam’s hand, reading your handwriting carefully, over and over and over again.

You offer a warm smile and hold out the muffin toward him, tilting it slightly in invitation. The candle’s flame flickers with the movement.

“You gotta blow out the candle, Bucky.”

He glances at you then, one brow arching in that familiar, dry skepticism, like he is debating whether or not to argue the point. But he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t argue, only exhales another breath that is just a little shaky.

He steps toward you, slowly, as if closing the space between you and the candle is something to be made precisely, something to be considered.

Up close, the cut of his jaw is a little tighter, the blue of his eyes shadowed but not distant. His hands flex at his sides. Maybe a part of him still expects this to be something else, something with a catch, something not meant for him.

But you keep smiling, keep waiting, Sam keeps watching and after the briefest hesitation, Bucky leans in, breath ghosting warm against the tiny flame, and blows it out.

It snuffs with a quiet puff of smoke, curling into nothing.

Sam claps his hands together once, a low, easy sound that fills the space. “There you go, old man.”

You smile, a little brighter now, something in your chest disentangling at the sight of Bucky standing there, watching the smoke, looking slightly lost, but no longer frozen.

“Did you make a wish?” you ask lightly.

Bucky huffs out a breath. It might be a laugh but it is a little unsteady.

“Sure, doll.”

There is something in the way he says it. Something softer than usual, something a little worn at the edges but genuine.

As though, just maybe, he did not even have to make a wish. Because it already came true.

The candle’s tiny smoke disappears, leaving behind only the muffin - a little too brown, a little too lopsided, but warm in your hands.

Bucky stares at it, his expression unreadable in that way only he can manage, like he is feeling something too big to let show.

Sam sighs dramatically, eyes also trained on whatever you created there.

“Man,” he mutters, shaking his head, “it looked sad before, but with the candle out it looks even sadder. Like a single, abandoned biscuit in the middle of a war zone.”

You gasp, scandalized, turning to him. “Excuse me? This is a perfectly respectable muffin.”

Sam gives you a look, then gestures vaguely toward it. “That thing looks like it’s been through some things - like it’s seen battle, lost some good men, and barely made it home.”

You clutch the muffin closer to your chest. “I will not stand here and let you disrespect my baking skills in such a way.”

“What baking skills, huh?” Sam fires back, smirking. “You found a pre-mixed bag of something that might’ve been flour and might’ve been plaster, mixed it with a prayer, and threw it in the oven. I'm just saying, if that thing had legs, it would’ve walked away out of self-preservation.”

You open your mouth, ready to retort with the sharpest, most brutal comeback you can think of, but Bucky beats you to it.

“It looks nice.”

His voice is quiet but firm, stopping your bickering.

Sam and you both turn to look at him.

Bucky hasn’t taken his eyes off the muffin. His hands are still loose at his sides, his stance still slightly hesitant. But his expression is softened.

You don’t bother to hide your triumph as you turn back to Sam. “See? Barnes thinks it looks nice.”

Sam rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath about low standards and winter soldier pity points, but you don’t care.

Because Bucky - who didn’t mention his birthday, who never expects anything from anyone, who looks so lost in thought standing there in the poorly lighted safe house - thinks it looks nice.

And that’s more than enough.

You watch Bucky’s brow furrow slightly into something weighty, as if realizing only now, that you actually made this yourself.

His eyes shift to the uneven edges of the banner Sam is holding, to the way the lettering wobbles just slightly, as though you had to redo it a few times before settling on something half-decent.

Then his eyes move back to the muffin that has been made by hand - your hand - mixed together with the scraps you could find in the barebones safe house, baked in a temperamental oven that probably isn’t even meant for cooking anymore.

For him.

You made all this just for him.

His throat moves as he swallows hard, his lips parting slightly as if wanting to voice out something, but nothing comes up. His chest rises and falls, slower than before, as if he is trying to steady himself.

His jaw tightens just a fraction, but it doesn’t harden. It softens again slowly, and when he finally looks back up, there is something there you don’t think you have ever seen before.

A sheen over his eyes, so faint it might go unnoticed if you weren’t looking right back at him. If you weren’t watching him take this in, piece by piece, trying to figure out what to do with it.

He looks so touched.

So utterly affected by your gesture.

He spent so many of his birthdays forgotten, as someone wielded by metal and orders, to now come back to his temporary home, to his temporary family, who remembered long enough to plan a little something for him.

You don’t need to say anything.

You just glance at Sam, and he glances at you. He nods subtly, giving you a meaningful smile.

Because this matters.

Bucky releases a breath from deep within. It comes out slow, an attempt at trying to get his overwhelming emotions out, but it doesn’t seem to have worked that well.

His gaze drops for just a second, as though he needs to compose himself, before he looks back at you with something so gentle and exposed in his expression that it nearly makes you squeeze the fragile muffin in your hand to death.

This isn’t much. Just a tiny celebration in some run-down house out in nowhere.

But to him, it seems to be everything.

“After seeking to understand, it’s not the size of the action that counts. It’s the relevancy and impact of our action that makes the difference.”

- Heather R Younger

[straightline-bow]

I know everyone is mostly joking with the whole ‘oh the GPDA should strike’ thing after their statement in instagram, but I really think we should be having a conversation about how actually, they can’t strike, and that lack of ability to use collective bargaining can be and may be incredibly dangerous.

The issue with the GPDA as a union is that it only covers the twenty current Formula 1 drivers. Now, many people see no issue with this - why would anyone else need coverage? - but this is what sort of hamstrings the GPDA as a union. Should the members go on strike, there would be backlash in the press, pressure on the FIA, FOM, Liberty and the teams - but there are other drivers, who have the super licences needed to drive an F1 car. And could you even blame them? We’ve seen how hard it can be for rookies to get a seat - Colapinto looks a lot like he may be able to get on the grid, either for next year or the year after, and that is a swansong MIRACLE that came out of nowhere for him. Lawson and Piastri had to wait on the sidelines, as did Doohan. The only Driver’s Academies that seem to be working are Ferrari’s (A Leclerc off to WEC, Bearman in Haas), Mercedes’ to an extent (They tossed Aron aside when he’s been doing fantastically, but Antonelli has a seat) and sort of Mclaren’s (Bortoleto was under them in F2, but he has now severed ties to sign for Audi.). And even then they CLEARLY have their failures. Can you truly blame young drivers for taking any and every opportunity handed to them when so few succeed at all?

A strike would be very easily defeated by the FIA and Co - and there would be no guarantee of contracts post strike, and although the WDCs and highest level drivers could probably weather the storm, there is no way the rookies and those from smaller teams would be able to, and they could likely lose their seats over it. Quite frankly, the only way for a strike to work in the drivers favour in this day and age would be for them to vote to include all drivers who have superlicences in the union, and then for all of them to strike together.

A reminder: every driver who has an official contract with a team entered into the F1 championship can apply for a superlicence, if they hold the other requirements (usually a certain number of points plus a driver’s licence pluse a competition licence plus a theory test on first sitting), which means drivers from IndyCar, WEC, lower formulas, Formula E and test drivers are all usually eligible, or can be. I think the official number is around 70ish drivers are eligible, plus any retired F1 drivers who keep up the fitness standard and 100km of practise across a year - so drivers such as Jacques Villneauve could potentially still have a valid superlicence, so long as he proved he did enough practise.

Aside from the sheer unlikelihood of the GPDA being allowed to vote to include all holders of valid superlicences - which could possibly lead to the core members facing severe consequences, possibly the same as striking on their own - there are a lot of drivers who would not strike for safety precautions, purely they don’t think they are necessary (Brundle on the halo) or because they know if they broke the line they could get a drive, and because the GPDA has so little political power it very rarely is able to intercede to set minimum wages etc the way other unions are able to, any drivers breaking the line would know they weren’t losing out on anything but a moral argument, and potential safety issues. Some people don’t think about safety until they need it.

The current state of affairs is just incredibly concerning, and I think that although it’s fun and fine to make jokes about it, we should definitely remember both the driver’s own lack of agency, and that even though some aren’t satisfied with the statement they put out, it is perhaps one of the only things they can do.

[biancasaidstfu]

Ugh seriously, can people please stfu? Stop tagging them/their teams/their family members in posts with thoughts that need to be staying in private spaces right now. Why is it so hard for them to understand?? The whole crocs thing and the fact they're not pushing for them to be picked up by big outlets is definitely because they were intended for the fandom. (Specifically the people still questioning L/A and N/J in public spaces.) I really do think that most things hinge on the A agreement and that J was only brought into the fold after A made her conditions known and certain things were agreed to. And the more people question her, the longer this whole thing will go. We can clearly see what J is getting out of the 'relationship' with Nicola - the movie screenings, the networking with celebs, the broadway show, (maybe SNL?), being casted in the play, having Nic's stans fill up the seats in the playhouse after all those bad reviews, being casted in this new show, getting to attend BAFTA nominee party & Cannes, having his name connected to Nicola in big outlets, having her PR team/management/grooming team/stylist helping to curate his image over the last year, etc.. The 'relationship' could end today and his career would be in a much, much better place than he was prior to when this all started. But when it comes to A... we are not seeing nearly as much. Not only is her follow count still super low (<15k) and her career in a similar place to where it was before the public connection to Luke, but their 'relationship' is constantly questioned. (The many PR fumbles this spring haven't helped unfortunately but even the ones that checked all the boxes felt so performative. Not to mention, there isn't a full on stalker discord dedicated to their relationship either.) In order for the fizzle out/public split to serve as a jumping off point for her career and satisfy certain conditions, they need to think that people (the fandom and GA) believe their relationship is genuine. Getting the loudest voices (the usual suspects 🥴) to accept L/A means getting everyone on board with N/J. The timing of J's show definitely plays a role and I think they'll have a more obvious pap session or even a pic together on socials to confirm she's there in the coming days. But these photos (Heathrow/crocs/croc walk) provide context and further evidence for anyone questioning things. And I fully believe the bike pics were meant to be released around this time. I'm sure we'll see pap pics come out shortly from L/A's walk in the park in Chiswick people were talking about last week. And/or some photos confirming A was in Rome. And/or some other pap pics. Less likely but still on the table - some event attendance or photo dump on socials from prior events that were never posted (Boss/various Bafta events). Anyway, thank you for this space. I hope people in more public places (ig/tiktok/twitter) STOP saying things that prolong this whole thing.

The one thing I don’t agree on with this is the idea that they’re they’re trying to get people to believe L/A are a legit couple.

I feel like small things, like her not posting him on her grid or the fact that he hasn’t tagged on her the cheek kiss pic, things like that, leaves it in this gray area where the people who notice can clock that this is all fake/PR and whatnot, and the people who don’t notice just think it’s a pic of his gf woo woo.

I think if there’s a stipulation that Antonia has to reach a certain milestone in her career, then they’re gonna be at this for a long time and I don’t think they’re dumb enough to have agreed to that knowing people don’t like her and some never will.

I think there’s a hard end date on all this.

This isn’t free advice btw, you gotta do something for me if you want to know what would make me flip 😘

[moonavem]

So I went to a festival yesterday and saw these super cute crochet figures like omg!!

I’m just wondering how they get their stitches so pretty and flat?? Like is it just like they’re crocheting super tight or maybe they flip it inside out? The stitches are so square so they sit snug next to each other and it’s so satisfying to look at. Like look at the bulbasaur mimikyu between the eyes. The stitches align like a beautiful grid like pleaseeee does anyone know how to achieve that. Is it even crochet??

[youhavethewrong]

Spoiler-free Yuiview: The Hundred Line - Last Defense Academy

Super Mario 64. Undertale. Elden Ring. Every once in a long while, you get a game that makes people smack their head and go "of course! We have the technology to make this, why isn't this the industry standard?". A game whose mechanics, innovation, and use of the medium makes people realize that so much more is possible in video games than what is being currently done. A trend-setter, with lasting cultural impact that inspires people to push quality standards further.

I truly hope people realize The Hundred Line - Last Defense Academy is that game for the current generation.

As I mentioned in the title, this is going to be a spoiler-free review. I won't reveal any of the game's plot points other than the premise, and instead I'll focus on telling you what the game does well. I won't be able to give specific examples for some points, so you'll have to trust me on this one.

(I've earned your trust, right~?)

The protagonist of our game is Takumi Sumino, a teenager from the Tokyo Residential Complex - an underground city people have been living in for so long that they don't remember what the sky looks like. One day, the complex is attacked by The Invaders, monsters that seem intent on killing everyone for no apparent reason. Takumi meets Sirei, a little egg guy who gives him an infuser - a sword that when stabbed directly to his heart, allows him to gain the powers of Hemoanima and fight back.

(The cunty red eyeshadow comes free with the outfit)

After saving his friend Karua from the invaders, he suddenly loses consciousness and finds himself at Last Defense Academy, along with other people his age who have the same powers. There, they are tasked with defending the academy from the invaders for a period of 100 days.

From then on the game goes on to weave a narrative filled with twists and secrets. What's the purpose of the academy, and why are the invaders intent on getting inside? What happened to everyone back at the complex? Why were these random kids drafted into a war? And what exactly is behind the Undying Flames that surround the school?

(...but most importantly, what's the point of Sirei working out?)

Hundred Line is the brainchild of Kazutaka Kodaka, writer of the Danganronpa serie, and Kotaro Uchikoshi, writer of the Zero Escape series. In other words, a joint project between two writers with plenty of experience in mystery video games, working together at their prime. And it shows. The way in which the mystery is written in Hundred Line is nothing short of a masterclass. As the story progresses, questions continuously get answered while new ones are introduced. Each time you learn something new, it comes with the knowledge that there's more you don't know. It's a structure that keeps the player engaged, satisfied, and curious to know more throughout the entire game. The desire to unravel what's happening behind the scenes works as an intrinsic motivator that makes you want to keep playing just to find out the game's secrets.

(Why was he even given sweating functionality?)

The main gameplay mechanic is the battles you'll be engaging in every time the school is attacked. It works as a top down tactics game, taking place in a grid. You are given AP (which I can only assume stands for Action Points), which you can spend as you see fit to dispose of the enemy.

Now, keep in mind this is coming from someone who's tried and failed miserably to play multiple tactics games: this game is a REALLY good tactics game. It's easy to understand, and it gives you plenty of tools to master it. It also features some really clever quality of life design choices that help set it apart from other games in the genre.

For example, besides certain attacks doing extra damage to flying units, there's no such thing as weaknesses and resistances. Crucially, it also doesn't feature random chance. You can do an attack that does a specific amount of damage, and covers a specific range - and that's that. This keeps combat really clean, as you have a certainty that your moves will have the desired effect always.

("Damn it Takumi, hit your shots so we can move the plot forward and figure out how the cafeteria chef robots work already!")

Secondly, AP can be distributed however you want. It's not just one move per character. 5 AP allows you to either make 5 characters do 1 action each, or 1 character do 5 actions in a row. This, plus the facts that defeating each big unit gives you 1 AP and that ultimates don't consume AP, allow you an immense amount of freedom in your combat that let you perform absurdly long turns if you play your cards right.

(This player could, for example, heal Takumi so he can defeat more big guys in the long run. Or have Kyoshika use her high ATK damage that stuns her, heal her stun, and have her use it again. Or increase Kurara's movement so she can build more turrets. Or boost Yugamu's damage to defeat enemies around Kurara. Or-)

Each unit does a completely unique, super useful thing. Some specialize in defeating enemies quickly, some snipe, some boost, some build - and you're not even forced to use all of them. For example, I watched my friend Alice playing a mission I had already beat, and learned that we both had completely different playing styles. While I used Takumi to defeat large swaths of enemies at once and then fire ultimates, she focused on Eito's high single-target damage and boosts to loop enemies. Both strategies worked.

(If we get enough people playing this game, we might even find a use for Gaku!)

The non-tactics gameplay will also have you making important, meaningful choices. Will you hang out with characters to find out their secrets, and find out which gifts they prefer, allowing you to increase your grades? Will you spend that time studying? Will you go out and explore to get materials and develop specific characters? Will you train in VR to get more currency to unlock more abilities? For a VN tactics game, Hundred Line gives you an unprecedented amount of freedom to play it however you want.

(However you want, I tell you!)

I'm also a big fan of how gameplay connects with the storytelling. A character is a recluse that avoids fighting? Their gameplay will consist of tanking hits for the rest. Two characters depend on and protect each other? They get buffed when the other's in danger. And it goes beyond that - some of the game's plot twists are foreshadowed by combat abilities. This game is rife with the kind of twist that was staring you on the face since the start.

(For Spoiler reasons I can't show any specific examples of that, so please enjoy this game dialogue instead)

Now, one thing to keep in mind about this game: IT IS STRESSFUL AS FUCK. You know how Animal Crossing and the like are described as cozy games? Hundred Line might be described as a discomfort game. A looooooooot of bad things happen to these characters, and they rarely get any breathing room to relax. I don't think this is a negative, just a byproduct of how much the story hooks you in and makes you care about what's happening. I do, however, think it's worth mentioning, considering how many of the memes around this game revolve around how stressful it is to have free time.

(You know that feeling when something in your life sucks, but all you can do about it is wait? Welcome to the video game version of that.)

However, as stressful as this game can get, I still think it's one of the most unique experiences currently available in gaming. The tightness of writing, gameplay, and just overall experience are all of the highest caliber. Don't deny yourself a masterpiece of this scope, step out of your comfort zone!

(Oh, right. We haven't talked about the scope yet, have we?)

So, let's talk numbers for a second. The Hundred Line - Last Defense Academy has over 600 CGs, or "cutscene graphics" (those big drawings that cover the screen), over 2000 sprites (the character drawings), and more than 100 endings.

(Why are they like this)

The amount of content-... no, the amount of work put into this game is insane. This might sound absurd to some of you, but I truly believe Hundred Line, with its simple-to-understand gameplay and intriguing storytelling, is one of the highest standards for video games at this moment. It's what happens when development time isn't spent on massive maps, photorealistic graphics, or DLC, but instead to make the base game better and more complete. It's what happens when absurd levels of ambition and creativity meet tight execution and focus.

There's not much more I can add without spoiling what happens in the game, but I will say this: after reaching day 100 you will understand why my friend Alice said this as soon as she beat it

In conclusion, Hundred Line is not only one of the most ambitious but also one of the best games currently available. I heartily recommend it, it's been many years since a game has had me this engaged even when I'm not actively playing it.

If you wanna try it out without commitment, the free demo version of goes all the way up to Day 7, and you can transfer your save file to the full version if you wish to buy it later. It is such a good game that I honestly think denying yourself the experience would be doing yourself a disservice.

(Oh no, don't worry, the darkness is fine. I've just spent so many sleepless nights theorizing about Hundred Line that the light now hurts my eyes :) Wanna join me?)

[deckardv]

What is your favourite hexomino?

OMG my first ever ask, this is so exciting! (Also, hello to everyone who is following me now from my hexomino video!) this is hard, but I would say that my top 3 are Dollar Sign, Staircase, and Integral. Not necessarily in that order. The main reasoning for these three is that there's a puzzle that I frequently create called "Fitting In" where you have a grid of white and black cells, and you have to fit several shapes (usually hexominoes) into the grid so that they don't overlap the black cells, or each other. These three hexominoes have just become the shapes I use the most for that puzzle, as I find them to be the most easy to work with while still making challenging puzzles, and that just ended up with them becoming my favourite hexominoes in general. But also, I find all three of their rotational symmetry super satisfying as well!

[theresattrpgforthat]

Fantasy Games - And My Struggle With Them.

This might be a surprise, but I struggle with fantasy games, especially high fantasy. I come across them a lot when I’m browsing Itch.io, and after a while, they start to blur together, more so than any other genre. I understand that for many folks, games like D&D were their entry into the hobby, and making a fantasy game is often the first step a game designer makes when they try to develop their own system. But I didn’t get into ttrpgs via a traditional fantasy game, and I think that regardless of the rules that accompany the game, I don’t get very excited about games that have knights and elves and dwarves and wizards.

As you might imagine, this can sometimes make things difficult when folks ask for fantasy-related ttrpg recommendations. Fantasy is a genre that encompasses so many different styles of play and genre, from gritty dungeon crawling to super-powered adventure to sad and tragic epics. Yet, because most of those sub-genres rarely appeal to me, I haven’t looked closely at very many of the games in my Sword & Sorcery & So Much More folder, which means trudging through the items there takes a lot longer when answering fantasy-oriented asks.

That being said, I don’t want to ignore fantasy games completely; I know that so many people find joy and fun in games set in a traditional fantasy world. So I’m going to talk about a few fantasy games that are very different from each-other and have very specific goals in mind, and I encourage people who see this to re-blog with their own favourite fantasy games and tell us what makes them special.

Also - if you have a fantasy game related request, please be kind if my response isn't all that you hoped it would be!

Tacticians of Ahm, by Meatcastle Games.

Tacticians of Ahm is a tactical combat-focused tabletop roleplaying game in the corrupt3d fantasy world of Ahm.

A bit-rotten blight has appeared in the Northern Sea and from it flows the Corrupt1on, fractured light and shattered shapes sowing chaos across the realm. As Tacticians, you alone are prepared to face the darkness spreading across the lands and reunite the scattered peoples of Ahm.

Tacticians of Ahm is for players who like a really satisfying combat, inspired by games like Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy Tactics, with grid maps to help you keep track of positioning and distance. This doesn’t meant that combat is long - it’s still fast-paced, using visual indicators like color to help you assess what kinds of things you can do in play: healing, damage, and special effects. Characters have interesting abilities that they gain as they level up, so this game is also probably good for folks who like watching their characters get more and more competent. Right now Meatcastle is grinding away at the game to make it more playable, and more full of art - so getting in on it now means that you’ll get to watch it grow.

Nexalis, by Cezar Capacle.

We invite you to step aboard your enchanted vessel and set sail on the ethereal ocean known as the Nectar. Nexalis calls you on an awe-inspiring journey across a universe filled with countless uncharted islands, each teeming with unique cultures, mysteries, and magical phenomena.

Nexalis is an otherworldly realm where islands drift amidst an endless cosmic ocean of magical plasma, the Nectar. The Nectar, pulsing with vibrant, ever-shifting colors, mirrors the celestial patterns that guide adventurers on their thrilling journeys. At the heart of this sea lies the Celestial Nexus, an entrancing vortex of astral energy that births islands and renews the world in a constant cycle of creation.

Nexalis is a fantasy game, but it’s an example of setting that feels vibrant and unique from traditional fantasy games - and yet it is also highly customizable. The game comes with oracles and random tables that you’ll use to generate interesting locations and problems to deal with as your drifters move from place to place. Characters are packaged in playbooks, compact tropes that will provide players with everything they need to know on a brochure. Finally, the game uses phases, moving from one kind of storytelling to another dependant on the kind of scene you’re about to play through.

Shadow of the Demon Lord, by Schwalb Entertainment.

The End Is Just the Beginning

Sometimes the world needs heroes. But in the desperation of these last days, the world will take all those it can get: heroes, blackguards, madmen, and whoever else is willing to stand against the coming darkness. Will you fight the demons or will you burn it all down and dance among the ashes? Who will you become when the world dies? 

Shadow of the Demon Lord opens a door to an imaginary world held in the grip of a cosmic destroyer. Enter a land steeped in the chaos and madness unleashed by the end times, with whole realms overrun by howling herds of beast-men, warped spirits freed from the Underworld, and unspeakable horrors stirred awaken by the Demon Lord’s imminent arrival. 

For fans of the grim, the gory, and the gritty, the setting of Shadow of the Demon Lord is post-apocalyptic, chaotic and messy. The presentation is representative of a traditional RPG: a big book with high-end full-colour art and plenty of lore to accompany the rules. You create your character using pieces of Ancestry to help you determine your attributes, and your Profession to determine your skills. The game is based on the d20, and relies on stat modifiers to try and get you over most rolls, and a milestone-like levelling system that ensures that everyone who plays levels up at the same time.

Shadow of the Demon Lord is very clearly a vehicle for horror, so if your table is one that likes being confronted by all kinds of horrible things in a hopeless quest to save… well something of the world, then you might like this game.

Songbirds 3e, by snow.

Songbirds 3e is a tabletop roleplaying game about undeath, supernatural powers, and the blue dreams of the moon. In the game, you create a strange survivor of the world who was chosen (or cursed) by Death. Spirits aren't able to pass on to the afterlife and grow monstrous with each passing day. You know the songs to send them on. You have the abilities that help you find them. You are the canary in the coal mine.

Songbirds is full of danger. It carries with it a tried and true method of OSR world-building in that the world makes itself known in the pieces of the game that you decide to pick up - the character curses you roll for, the ways damage can hurt you, the gear you carry, and the roll tables that answer so many questions about different steps of the game. Combat is meant to be simple but also deadly, and much of the fun of the game is in discovering what’s around the corner or what’s in the treasure chest in front of you. Songbirds takes inspiration from both fantasy and sci-fi, so if you like weirdness mixed in with your dungeon-crawls, you might like this game.

Trilogy, by Ben Moxon.

Trilogy is a tabletop RPG designed for epic fantasy campaigns. Build your world at the table, create characters to explore it and let the adventure commence.

Trilogy is designed specifically for players who want to discover their world in play rather than having to consult settings guides and books of existing lore. A world that lives and grows around you, shared by everyone at the table.

The media listed that inspired Trilogy include series such as Lord of the Rings, Malazan Book of the Fallen, and the Storm-light Archives; vast and detailed worlds full of complex cultural relations and heavy with conflict. The rules are derived from the PbtA framework, which means that much of the action is going to be character-driven and character-focused. This game is least likely to have puzzles a la dungeon-crawl, but what it does have is character arcs.

Character arcs are guiding lights for players, providing them with loose archetypes that they can use to help advance their characters. Each arc comes with positive and negative qualities that you can turn to when your character is at their best or at their worst. It also has an opening moment (which helps define your character to the audience) and a series of checkpoints in the form of narrative moments that generate character growth. I think the Arcs part of Trilogy is what makes it stand out, looking at character development at a new angle, and giving players plenty of prompts to help them get from point A to point B.

Jack Kills Giants, by Andrew White.

There’s no shortage of vagabonds who take coin for killing, but Giant Slayers… they’re a special breed. The coin is unfathomably good, you’d be more or less set for life should you bring one of those colossal beasts down.However, you’re just as likely to find yourself a quick and nasty death and a pauper’s funeral.

Those who decide the reward is worth the risk form up into small companies of strangers, spreading out the risks and sharing the spoils.Brought from all walks of life, those who survive past their first kill and choose to continue on the path grow into tight-knit bands, comrades in arms fighting for gold and glory.

But you aren’t one of that pantheon of successful slayers just yet. You’re just flat broke.

JACK KILLS GIANTS is a game of giant-slaying in the Fantasy Gig-Economy written and illustrated by Andrew White, with valuable contributions from Nakade & Cosmic Orrery Games. In Jack Kills Giants you won't play hardened adventurous heroes, you'll play everyday people, forced by a need to make cash to survive to chase after giants in exchange for generous bounties.

Jack Kills Giants does away with the broad possibilities of a generic fantasy game and zooms in on one particular element that the designer is interested in - a gig economy. Giant-killing is terrifying and horribly dangerous, but life is so brutal that you decide that it’s still worth doing. The game also focuses on the ways a world that has giants in it works that makes it special - for instance, some folks make a living carving up the bodies of slain giants and distributing the fat, bones, and other pieces into products that the world can use. For lovers of thoughtful world-building and purposeful adventuring, maybe check out Jack Kills Giants.

Also...

If you found these interesting, you might also like my Non-Western Fantasy recommendation post, as well as my general fantasy tag.

[mecachrome]

hi k! p1astris ranking? 😁

hi anon :') i'm kind of going through it rn most negatively so thank you for the fun ask i appreciate it

azerbaijan 2024: i think i romanticize this win too much icl considering how unserious the track is but that's what makes the pass so special to me! and of course it was still a defensive masterclass all things considered... it's easy to be like well he didn't really have to worry once he got past sharl but HE did that and then held his ground. just v clinical and ballsy and perfectly handled the pressure

spain 2025: perhaps recency bias but a perfect weekend all-around and very dear to me!!! amazing pole margin considering how close the field has been this year, on top in almost every session, and of course pulled off a solid win in the midst of the strategy shuffle + restart. like i don't think he was really all that threatened at any point during the race (thank god for dece pit stops too) but his consistency was just really nice to see and the fact that it was an entertaining race overall didn't hurt. also love that his sister was there to support him!!! it's one of those wins where there isn't really much if anything at all to self-flagellate over which makes it special.

miami 2025: fun because it's his win from the lowest position on the grid so far (p4) ! of course ideally he would not have qualified behind an 18 year old rookie to begin with, and mclaren had a clear pace advantage on this track, but he did a reallyyyy good job catching max out (playing his own game and letting him brake late) and dispatching him early enough in the race :3c also very satisfying after the mess of bad sc luck in miami 2024.

bahrain & china 2025: to me bahrain and china are similar with the exception that bahrain was just a Better race in general, but then again china has the narrative edge of coming right after australia and carrying that emotional significance. china = well-deserved pole and strong, consistent performance but kind of a snooze of a race. i don't really know whether i'm supposed to be ranking on actual performance or MEYE personal enjoyment because this was a great showing from him it's just that i don't have super strong thoughts about it... but of course it was satisfying to the part of me that always wants oscar to win with minimal excitement /)__(\

saudi arabia 2025: goofy ass start from max… a bit of a windy road to the win and he did struggle somewhat in dirty air but still a great job and obviously meaningful because it was the official start of his championship lead!!!

hungary 2024: obviously there is so much controversy over this win which i understand and will rightfully place last but it's still his first and i don't even think papayarules is that big of a deal at the end of the day... sure things could have gone better but 🤷‍♀️ it's not like it was his only win ever so i think it's still special that he got his first under his belt here and we all moved on and he's improved since! i'll take it for sure and i'm not even really upset about it, i think his other wins are all just even nicer moments in hindsight

[coral-nerd]

okay, super curious, since I can't decide and need inspiration (you don't at all need to actually answer)

what are your farm layouts? Do you have a plan for them or do you just throw stuff down wherever there's space? I'm trying to decide how to decorate when I have the money and stuff

Oh dear oh no, now that really is the Coral Island question for the ages, isn't it?

Every time I start a new farm i tell myself, "When I get enough money, I'll completely re-do the whole thing and make it so ~ aesthetic ~ so for now I can just put things in places that are easy for me to remember where everything is."

And then I get to 2million coins and go, "eeeeehhh well I'm used to where everything is now, it would be a hassle to change, I don't even know where to put anything, idk what Vibe I want-"

Right now my only farmer who actually has a planned layout that's unlikely to change is Morimiya, who's a weirdo in that the thought process was "How can I plant as many things as possible and also maximise profit? Oh and keep animals too ig."

And I mean, it worked! He's got 12million coral coins! And more crops than he knows what to do with.

Although actually maybe most of my farmers are weirdos; Juniper's farm is basically my testing place for all the new items I haven't tried.

That one I have no intention of fixing up, it just lets me decide what I want for my other farms. For example: I don't actually like the turnip shed. The Pufferfish decor items are not worth it. Mushroom trees are super fun, but hard to fit in. Getting a good grid for your crops actually really helps. Pathways make things easier AND prettier.

And most of all, the valuable lesson of "as long as the insect and fish thingies look pretty and organised, the farm has a fighting chance of looking decent."

What I learned from Newcomer Hestia's farm is that part of my design problems come from bunching together all of my useful things, which then leaves too much empty space that I always struggle with.

And like, practically speaking I don't want to separate the useful farm items too much because then it's a lot of running around holding materials, but how do I balance practicality with beauty?

I thought I had done a pretty good job of that with Maya's farm, but there's still a lot of Dead Space.

Grass is super helpful for prettifying farms, but doesn't really cover the dead space. And to be perfectly honest, each style category does NOT have enough to cover the dead space on it's own. You'd have to do a lot of mix-and-matching.

Fun fact, Maya's farm was designed around the Smithing area, which I just randomly slapped down in the beginning. But I think having a Focal Point to build around helps.

But the lack of decorating really comes down to one main thing...

You can't line things up correctly in Coral Island.

See this? First thing when you walk out of the door, you just CANNOT line up a walkway with your door.

It doesn't matter how many beautiful items you get, there will be a lot of frustration just trying to put things down, hammer it back up, give all your coins to the giants to fix it, give up on trying to align it. Decorating is not very motivating when you'll have to spend many in-game days cursing at how a Single Tile throws off the whole vibe.

Plus when you are finally satisfied with the set up, your farm will get obliterated by space debris. So.

Anyway, that was yet another incredibly long-winded round-about way of saying, "I just put things down randomly and build around them. Then I dream of someday being able to actually decorate it."

I'm constantly looking up other farm layouts for inspiration and then just never get around to implementing it.

But maybe with my NEW farmer-

[rocketinthesky]

Hey there!

Sending you an ask for an Esteban fic. It could be with anyone and as sfw/nsfw as you want. I am not equipped enough to come up with a promt, so please feel free to use any you have thought of but weren't able to use before.

P.S. (if you write a.b.o), one with an alpha Ollie and omega Este would be perfect!.

Omg i’ve been pretty obsessed with Bearcon recently so imma try to cook smth up!

Bearcon, omega esteban x alpha ollie, fluff, teen and up

Also read on ao3

Whispered candy

Esteban tries to live his life without holding any extreme prejudices, but even upholding his values as best as he can, he can’t name a single experience with an alpha teammate that has gone well for him. Checo, Fernando, Pierre…there’s some sort of curse between the alphas on the grid and Esteban. The only teammate he got along with consistently had been Daniel, but he’s a beta and he gets along with everyone.

Esteban had been ecstatic to finally be free of the cursed tethers of Alpine, but upon finding out he’d be teammates with yet another alpha, he couldn’t be completely satisfied.

Despite his reservations, he’d made up his mind to be as friendly and accommodating to Ollie as possible. For one, Ollie is a lot younger than him. And anyway, their few short meetings have gone pleasantly well. Ollie seems nice enough, all wide-eyed and innocent and eager to race. There’s a respect towards Esteban that’s clear in how he looks at him that flusters Esteban a bit; he’s more used to being approached with snark and caution from teammates.

So, really, it’s a bit too easy to build up somewhat of a friendship with Ollie who’s so sweet and charming and quick to banter and even quicker to blush.

It’s dangerously easier for the friendship to escalate from casual banter and forced proximity hang outs to finding Ollie in his driver’s room, Esteban’s back against the wall and Ollie caging him against it.

He doesn’t know exactly how he got here—the stolen glances from a wide-eyed alpha, the red dusting Ollie’s cheeks whenever Esteban stood a bit too close to him, breath wafting against his ear as whispered words and silly jokes, the way Esteban couldn’t stop his heart from doing somersaults whenever Ollie grinned up at him and did that shy giggle of his—okay, maybe he does know how he got here.

That doesn’t mean he’s mentally prepared for it, though. But then, Ollie’s trembling hand is lightly resting on his cheek, nerves clear in the widening of his eyes, gleaming with something Esteban tries not to read into. His usually soothing sandalwood musk is sharper, headier, making Esteban a little dizzy from it.

“Ollie? Are you—”

“I’m—I’m sorry, but i really want to kiss you.”

Esteban would prickle at the confident words, but they come out of Ollie’s pink lips as an anxious, hopeful whisper. A confession that carries months of an obvious crush Esteban pretended didn’t affect him.

But then his body betrays him, head moving in a jerky nod, muscles tensing as soft lips press into his. The kiss is as hesitant and shaky as Ollie’s sweaty palm against his skin but Esteban finds he doesn’t mind. Rather, a surge of adoration flows through him and he feels his body relax alongside Ollie’s scent, which intensifies in its earthy sweetness. He cups Ollie by his nape, uses his other hand to sheath Ollie’s palm against his cheek, a silent signal to him, telling him it’s okay to touch.

Ollie makes a small sound, almost like a whimper, and Esteban can only deepen the kiss, a budding affection taking root in his chest.

They part for air eventually, and Ollie’s face is a bright crimson, eyes still wide and glassy and staring at Esteban like he’s someone special, like he’s someone that matters.

And Esteban is a weak, weak man since all he can do is capture him in another searing kiss.

A/N: hellooo sorry i’m super late on delivering and it’s a bit short but i still hope you enjoyed! I love bearcon and def wanna explore them more in the future :)

[youfindgodinpain]

I'm using a gridded journal for the first time in my life (idk why i thought i wouldn't like it, i think i thought it would bother me or constrain me more but it doesn't!) it is awesome.... like woah i can make columns now.... also the lines on the gridded leutterchum1917 are smaller than the lines on the normal lined version so i can fit more writing on a page. idk it is just reallyyyy satisfying now. Ive been writing more than i ever have in my life and i think a lot of it comes down to having good pens finally, having a really nice journal, and just being more honest, not getting overwhelmed or being ashamed at writing anything too weird/stupid/mundane. also i like writing fast & in kind of a stream-of-consciousness style it feels super good

[letswrites]

C.L- Never be the same

Masterlist

Synopsis

Collaborative playlist

Chapter 1 everybody, let's get into this!!! Enjoy :)

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Chapter 1: A girl with hazel eyes and a hand full of scars

May, 2023

York Veterinary Center, NYC, USA

"You need some break from this!" Heidi said bending over the receptionist's counter "I don't have time for a break" she said while signing a few records "I bet you have you just don't want to" She sighed and stared at her "Probably you have a lot of doctors here. You work a lot and I am one hundred percent you can take a break for a whole week if you asked to. You just don't want to delegate" "What can I do in my time off?" "Don't you have any hobbies, family or friends?" "I have. I have time for them on the weekends" "What about a trip? I know you like the French Riviera" she looked out of nowhere with a dreamy expression on her face "Yes, Monaco personally" "See? Talk to your boss, take a a few days off, go to Monaco" "Nah, I would need to save some money for it" she thought a little "So come to Miami with me" "Miami?" "Yes" "What do you have to do in Miami?" "Go to the beach, watch Miami Heat play, watch Formula 1" "Formula 1" she always forgets Heidi dates Daniel Riccardo "Do you like it?" her last ex was crazy about it. It have been 6 years since they broke up and she haven't seen one race since then "I haven't watched a grand prix for a while now" "Really?" "Yes. 6 years" "Wow. It's a lot" "Yeah. Is Daniel still racing?" "Not at the moment but he's Red Bull's reserve driver" "That's nice" Heidi disagreed with that "Did you attend a race already?" "Never" "Come with me then! I can get you a VIP pass with Dan" She actually missed watching the races and she always wished to go to watch one in person. It would also be expensive even with the tickets on Daniel but less than Monaco for sure "Alright, H, I go with you" "Really?!" "If I get the day off, yes" "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so happy!" She jumped over her and hugged her friend "Okay, now let me work" "Alright"

...

May, 7th, 2023

Miami International Autodrome, Miami, USA

Charles was everything but satisfied with his position that weekend. Carlos started from 3rd position and him from 7th. What a good way to start a race. The thing that made him most angry was how could super Max win the damn race starting from 9th in the grid when he couldn't even gain one single position?! At least he maintained in 7th while his teammate lost 2 positions ending in 5th. Things were shady between the Ferrari's drivers that year. And the "crème de la crème" of the weekend was an annoying journalist wanting to talk to him at all costs

"Is it a good time?" It wasn't a good time, he hadn't stopped Super Max and he climbed the grid to get the pole. But even so, he smiled politely "Yes, sure" he wasn't convincing himself but seemed to convince the lady "Good! Charles, how do you feel?" Broken. Useless. "Not in my best mood, but... Looking forward to better days" "That's the spirit. Can we do something to up your mood?" Force Max to retire next season "Just keep supporting me, seriously, your love messages... Mean a lot to me" the interviewer opened a warm smile "You're lovely" he opened the same smile "I'm just being honest" and he was "would you like to make a retribution for a fan?" No! At least not right now. I was just hoping that you all would leave me alone to hate myself for the crap I'm feeling today "Sure" "Great! Please follow me" Nice! Now he had to relocate. "Wait here" she walked a few feet towards a tall man "Excuse me" She started. The man who was laughing with two girls turned to the lady who Charles knew as 'the interviewer' "Daniel Ric? Are you the fan of mine?" Daniel opened his big signature smile "No. I mean, I am but the surprise isn't for me but for this little one here" Daniel stepped to the side and showed a little girl, who was about 6 to 8 years old, wearing Ferrari's whole outfit. The journalist squatted and asked the girl "Hello. My name is Valeriana, I’m a journalist, do you want to meet my friend?" 'We are not friends' Charles thought. The kid nodded "Charles, would you like to join us?" "Sure!" he said shyly and the child tapped her mouth as she was meeting Santa "Oh, my God" he didn't know why but her reaction gave him the power he wanted back. He smiled and offered a hug to the little one, lifting her up with one arm only "I didn't know the fan was her. Could have warned me so I would have aligned my hair" he told Valeriana running his fingers on his hair, causing everyone to laugh "Hi, nice to meet you, princess" she was still the same way, frozen like a photograph "She's a shy lady, don't be offended" Daniel placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed lightly "Hi!" she said quickly just for him "Hi! How's your name?" he replied warmly, a smile on his face "Celeste" "That's a beautiful name. Is it French?" "Yes" "Nice to meet you, Celeste. I'm Charles" "You're amazing" "Do you think?" "Yes" "Well, thank you, Celeste. You're also amazing" she blushed, wishing to disappear "Would you like me to sign your cap?" "Please" "And take a picture?" she nodded affirmatively " Okay, let's do it. Will you take the picture, Dan?" "Sure!" Daniel grabbed Celeste's mother's cell phone and photographed them "There you go" "Does someone have a pen?” Charles asked. People started to look around for a black marker as if God had asked himself, and the first person who did it was a girl, one of the girls who was talking to Daniel when he first came to the scene "Here" she had a strong American accent and her hands had tons of scars. He didn't feel as hypnotized as he was at that moment in a while. She had brown, straight, short hair but long enough to be tied, hazel eyes, and light skin which he figured out was soft even with all the scars when his fingers brushed on hers at the moment he grabbed the marker "Thanks" she nodded. Charles placed Celeste on the ground and knelled to sign her cap and shirt "There you go, Celeste" she hugged him "Thank you!" he hugged "You're welcome" Then he stood up "Say goodbye to Charlie, Celeste" Daniel told her "Goodbye" he smiled, she was so cute "Bye bye" then she ran for her mother . "Thanks, Charles" "It was my pleasure" then he walked away from the journalist and walked towards the owner of the pen "Your pen, miss" "Thanks" she grabbed it quickly "Would you like me to sign something for you?" "No, thank you" "Or a picture?" "I'm good" Wow, she was tough "Do you know I..." "You're Charles Leclerc, I'm aware" "Oh... okay"' he coughed "Goodbye, then" "Goodbye" If little Celeste didn't appear to cheer up his day, he would be damned.

...

Later that day

"Come on, it will be funny. I promise" Lando threw an arm around Charles's neck and forced him to walk toward the club "Lando" the British man pretended he wasn't listening "Lando" he still didn’t give a shit "Lando!" Charles shouted. Lando stopped and the Monegasque got rid of him "What!? Don't want to have some fun?" "Lando..." "Even Max is here, mate!" he turned to where his friend was pointing. Max was holding hands with Kelly and right beside them Daniel holding hands with a blonde lady he assumed was his girlfriend and with them, the hazel eyes princess who caught his attention earlier that day "Look in my eyes and tell me you don't want to come with me. Do this and I'll let you go"

of course, he wanted now, his girlfriend probably wouldn't but he was not going to do anything wrong "You won. I'm joining you" Lando smiled "Yes! Let's go" and they walked into the club. Already inside the duo decided to split

"I'll have us some drinks, go dance" "Will you find me?" "Sure! Who else would dance so badly in this club?” Charles threw him a deadly look “I’ll call you if I don't, mate" "Alright" Lando made his way to the bar and Charles to the crowd. Maybe dancing made his mind off the championship. Even though his mind was already on something else, the tough girl with honey eyes and scared hands. Charles was so distracted that he bumped into Heidi "Sorry, miss." her drink spilled on the floor “I can pay you another drink” She turned to face him "It's fi... Charles!" he looked confused "Do we know each other?" "I'm Heidi" he still had no clue "I'm Daniel's girlfriend" "Dani Ric?" "Yes!" "Oh! Hi, it's nice to meet you" "Nice to meet you too. Hum... are you here alone?" "No! I am with Lando" "He's such a nice boy, isn't he?" "He is" they smiled politely to each other "You came with Daniel, right?" "Yes, he's looking for a restroom" "Good" "I also came with a friend, she went to the bar to find herself a drink" Heidi looked from above Charles' shoulder "Look her there" he turned to where she pointed "Apparently she found your friend too". Heidi's friend was the girl he was looking for and she was walking toward him, giggling with Lando Norris "Fuck, Lando! You promised it would be funny" Charles thought. "Hey, guys!" Lando started "Heidi! How long. How have you been?" "I'm good, thanks" "Where's Daniel?" "Bathroom" "Oh! Right" "I see you found my friend" "Yes, hum..." he turned to her "That's Charles" "I met him earlier today" "Hello again" "Hi" "Your drink, mate" "Thank you" "Wow, I can't go to the bathroom and you guys already start the party without me" Daniel came to break the tension of the moment "Hi, Daniel" Lando and Charles said in unison "Babe, let's dance" "Alright. See you guys around" Heidi and Daniel walked away from the trio. "Charles, do you mind if I take her to dance?" OF COURSE I MIND, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU HAVE THE WHOLE CLUB TO DANCE WITH AND YOU WANT TO TAKE THE GIRL I LIKE TO DANCE?! Charles thought without actually being able to say cause after all he was taken already "No, not at all" "Alright" Lando offered a hand to her "Shall we?" she giggled "Okay". Charles gave a big sip of his drink "How can she be interested in him and not me?" he sipped again "I might have offered her a drink instead of an autograph".

....

A few minutes later she was walking toward his direction again. He was sitting on the bench with his third drink. This time she was not with Lando "Hello again for the third time today" she smiled politely "Hi again for the third time on this da. Can I sit here?" "Yes, please" "Thanks" "Where is Lando?" "He went back to the bar" "And you rather sit here with me?" "He left his friend alone in a club. I felt bad for you" "I thought you didn't like me" "I don't dislike you. I just have empathy" "You're kind" she smiled, politely "Thank you" "So you don't hate me?" "You are just way too convinced in my opinion" "I'm not!" "You seemed to be" "I know. I was just trying to impress you" "You chose poorly, Mr Leclerc" "I thought so. Sorry" "It's okay" "Are you from Miami?" "New York" "And what are you doing here?" "Heidi invited me to watch the race. She says I work too much" "What do you work with?" "I am a veterinarian" "Wow. So you're very clever" "I am" "And that's why you have so many scars on your hand" "Why did you choose the profession?" "I always went along more with animals than humans" he laughed "Vous êtes drôle" "Merci. Mais je t'avais dit la vérité" "Parlez-vous français?!" "Oui. J'ai apprendré a l'école" "J'ai pensé que vous êtes française" "I'm not. I'm American" "Well, I like animals too" "Do you have a pet?" "Are you trying to get a new client?" "No" she said seriously "I am just trying to talk" "Okay" he sipped his drink again “I don't. "And you? Any pets?" Yes, a black cat. Her name is Sabrina" "How cute!" she grinned, shyly "I would like a turtle too but I live in an apartment in Brooklyn" he laughed "I already saw turtles in Monte Carlo" Her eyes brightened "Monaco?" "Yes. It's where I'm from" "I dream of visiting Monaco" "You would love it. It's... perfect. Even with all its imperfections" She could see how passionate he was about his home country "I believe" he looked at her and for the first time in the night their eyes met and they smiled at each other. But, of course, Lando had to break it "Your drink, lady" "Thanks" "Move" She sat in between Lando and Charles and the Monegasque swore he couldn't breathe. But at the same time he could breathe so perfectly cause his nostrils were happily filled with her scent, her perfume

"What were you guys talking about?" "Monaco. I dream of visiting it" "Do you know I live in Monaco?" "You are both lucky" "Maybe you could visit me one day" "What?!" the other two said in unison "I... I couldn't" "Why not? Is that about money? I can pay for everything for you" "No, Lando, I can't accept that. Especially that we just met" he smirked "So we should know each other mor" She blushed "Yeah, maybe" Charles just wanted to die.

...

About an hour and a half later Heidi and her friend decided to go back to the hotel

"Well, I am leaving now guys. Thanks for the night. I had a lot of fun" "My pleasure, lady" Lando kissed her hand, she giggled and Charles rolled her eyes "Mine too" the Monegasque added "May I have your phone number?" Lando asked "I don't think so" "Your socials maybe?" She chewed her inner cheek "Sure" he smiled "Great!" He opened Instagram and gave it to he, she tapped her account. Charles had an eye on it, trying to get the username without having to ask her or Lando but he didn't succeed "There you go" "Thanks! I DM you" "Alright. Hum... Bye then. Till another day, maybe" "Bye!" The F1 drivers said in unison. As soon as she turned her back, Charles glued his eyes on Lando's phone. Of course, it was a private account. He didn't have much time to see the username cause Lando already was reaching for another drink but he saw a lipgloss on the floor. Had she dropped it on purpose? It didn't matter. Charles just grabbed it and reached out for its owner “Hey!” She turned back “Your lipgloss” “Oh my God! Thank you! It's my favorite” “You’re welcome. Hum… can I also have your Instagram? So we can talk” “Sure! Give me your phone” he did “There you go. I am waiting for your text” “Okay” “Bye, Charles. Enjoy the rest of your evening” “Bye. You too” and that was it, the beginning of their story.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 7 "musings of a cigarette-smoking man" thoughts

my very first thoughts: a CANCER MAN episode??? are we gonna get some backstory?? some CSM lore?!?!? 

part of me is deeply curious, but part of me also wants agent time, so… hmm! i’m intrigued. my curiosity? it’s been piqued.

and the lone gunmen have been mentioned!!

author's note: woah... i was expecting a lot of things, but cancer man being a flop author was not one of them. it's kinda sad, but mostly just pathetic.

judgement aside, i actually really liked this episode. there are things i would change, but i thought it was super intriguing to see certain parts of what is hidden beyond the curtain, but never enough to fully satisfy you, which i do love about this show (even if it is occasionally infuriating). the multi-part structure was also an interesting and unique choice that worked well, but i do have some... questions on writing/character motives and if they were well-received. but you'll see what i mean in a bit.

a lot happened in this episode, which i shall begin to recount below!

OH! we open with a shakespeare quote!!! “for nothing can seem foul to those that win” oooookay i suppose that is relevant to our ciggy man. damn. couldn’t be me. a lot of things are foul to me. such as killing melissa. 

we see a rat! a rat! cute little critter. oh. cancer man arrives, and is less cute. he's looking at some broken windows… damn, why is s4 so dark? i keep having to turn my brightness up. it's annoying!!

his lighter says “trust no one” omg… he’s so weird. just an overall strange fellow. seriously, who gets a custom lighter that says that? way to draw attention to yourself while trying to Not Do That.

so he’s opening a suitcase…. WHAT!! he is somehow listening to a bunch of conversations, including the “not everything is a dark labyrinth of conspiracy” one, which means he must have had bugs in all of the rooms where mulder and scully chat!!! who has time to sort through all of that audio content to find the juicy stuff?? probably his freak interns that i KNOW he keeps scattering about

okay, so he’s listening to a conversation now between the lone gunmen and mulder. frohike is freaked tf out, but mulder says no one would kill him because “you’re just a little puppy dog”. aww. that's a cute thing to say.

GAG!! the lone gunmen put on a special audio filter to hide their conversation, and CSM just pressed a button to totally ignore it, and turns to the camera with a smirk. EW! EW! creepy man. ugh, i can’t believe i paused and had to look at that awful creepy smirk for more than a few milliseconds.

oh my goodness, scully is also here during this conversation between the lone gunmen and mulder that we are listening to via CSM's technologically aided eavesdropping. frohike is saying he found stuff about cancer man, while cancer man loads what looks like a SNIPER RIFLE, and aims it out the window??? “what did you find?” “possibly everything”

GASP! i’m hooked. i DO want to know possibly everything. 

(watching the intro and that scene where they burst in with the gun always gets me, but today it’s making me ache in my chest because of how beautiful they are. so feel free to psychoanalyze that)

frohike is describing trotsky’s assassination. this is an area of history i am weak in, so i am seated for my lesson. it is actually entirely unrelated to the plot at hand, and is just some frohike nerd lore, but that's cool, i like a dude who knows these things.

frohike says “he” (presumably CSM) appears on august 20th, 1940, in louisiana. and his father was a communist activist, executed for espionage before his son would walk!!! and his mother died of lung cancer before he could talk!

damn. tragic backstory for this fellow. he pretty much said "i know cigarettes killed my mom but i'm different"

he was sent to various orphanages where he spent his time reading and not making friends. then he went off the grid until a year and a half after the Bay Of Pigs. weird way of measuring time- before and after the Bay of Pigs

OH! we get more text… “part 1: things really did go well in Dealey Plaza” hmmm....

some army men are jogging, while another dude reads the manchurian candidate, saying he would rather read the worst novel ever written than the best movie ever made. he must not know about the novels that are out there… i assume this is cig man?

OH MY GOD! he’s talking to MR. MULDER! wait, wait that means….

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! his first word was JFK

that is... actually really adorable. and will make his toddler stage difficult as he has to break certain news to baby mulder.

why do i get the feeling, from the shaky way CSM just set the photo of mr. mulder’s wife and child down, that he is fighting suppressed romantic feelings for his buddy like the cold war depends on it? hmm....

these fancy looking men want to talk to the guy i assume is cancer man. they ask if he was involved in any of the big events from the early 1960’s, which he denies. you know, assassinations and whatnot.

oh! when they ask if his father was executed as a spy, he says his only regret is that “i was too young to throw the switch myself” which is kind of a crazy thing to say. "yes i never knew my dad but i wish it was me that killed him" is a wild hill to die on. but i guess this is what the 60's did to people.

OH! he also denies a cigarette when offered, saying he never touches them. well. some things went down between then and now, i assume. and hopefully, we shall gain a glimpse into what changed.

this general dude is yapping about extraordinary men and i assume he is referring to himself. and his father. and young CSM, too, can be an extraordinary man! 

“communism is without a doubt the most heinous personification of evil mankind has ever confronted” <- said by a guy who likely fought the nazis, this is an absolutely crazy line... but again, i guess that shows how deep everyone was into the propaganda

they are offering baby CSM a very important job… so important, his army service will be erased… he needs to assassinate an american civilian, former naval pt-boat commander…

OH MY GOD, DID HE KILL JFK???

this is wild. how many different characters across various medias have been responsible for killing JFK? does anyone have a spreadsheet? if not, DM me and let’s make one 

so what is the reason in universe for why JFK had to kick the bucket….

because of the bay of pigs failure??

i get it was bad, but i didn’t think it was THAT bad. that makes no sense though timeline wise… they said bay of pigs was “last week”, but that was 1961, and obviously he didn’t get shot until 1963. so are we expected to believe that they waited 2 years to kill him? 2 years in which a lot of stuff happened? or is this some sort of factual oversight i’m supposed to ignore. or am i misunderstanding the episode structure. did i mishear/read a line?

(digs my claws in) you guys i cannot ignore a JFK anachronism i’m sorry

and now we're off to texas to witness the inevitable. this dude playing lee harvey oswald is lowkey cute, a thing i never thought i would have typed more than a few minutes ago. CSM yells at him about how smoking is BAD!

baby cancer man is talking to lee harvey oswald (another wild sentence), telling him he’ll see the president today. he calls baby cig man “mr. hunt” which i assume is a fake name… and he lies and says he loves the movies!! how simply do the falsehoods slip from his tongue!

ooooookay i see what is going on here. “mr. hunt” is a member of a cuban loyalty group telling lee harvey oswald to hide some weapons. a fall guy is being carefully crafted.

and lee gives him his cigarettes… the same cigarettes baby cig man scolded him for smoking…. omg…. foreshadowing

you know, in all my years studying history, i have never imagined what the inside of the book depository building looked like. and OMG! in googling to try and see if this was an accurate representation, i learned that dealey plaza is where he was shot! so i guess i’m good with JFK lore, but bad at geography. but that answers what the whole opening quote was about.

baby cig man is getting in a sewer to do some crime… very eugene tooms of him. he's getting his gun out in the sewer for a sneak attack…. while lee gets a root beer… and it seems umbrella man was giving a signal on when to shoot! fascinating.

(jackie’s outfit that day looked less fuzzy irl than it appears in this episode, so please take note of that wardrobe people)

nah, this is gonna make me feel bad for a FAKE lee harvey oswald…

and while JFK was dying, baby cig man stayed in that sewer the whole time… wow. i feel like someone should have taken a peek.

soooo realizing he is a patsy, lee shoots a cop. which is actually just far more incriminating than had he done anything else. then he goes to the movies. where the cops find him. and baby cig man was watching all of this…. he pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. OMG was that his first?? to cope with the Guilt?? damn.

it’s a bit of a ludicrous story that makes me giggle when i consider the real-world implications, but i will take it for what it is.

but back to modern cig man, listening to all of this being explained. he says nothing, seeming to confirm the accuracy of what is being said.

“part 2: just down the road from graceland”

no, don’t tell me he killed ELVIS, too?!?!?

wait, i read that wrong. “just down the road aways from graceland” okay, not sure if that clears anything up. but we hear the voice of martin luther king jr.

no… don’t tell me he killed HIM, too…..

notably, this whole part is in black and white. cigarette man is tap tapping on his typewriter. he’s writing a book! “take a chance: a jack colquitt adventure” <- sounds boring 

he’s listening to MLK talk about Marxist revolutions… is baby cig man a closet commie? no, for it appears he is deeply upset by these words!

he’s still in black and white, at a meeting about MLK, talking about how some claim he wishes to wage war against white america. baby cig man says “wouldn’t you?”, and i begin to wonder if he is based, but these hopes are quickly dampened as he explains that MLK's existence and activism are no longer civil rights issues… because he said something about communism. bro. what. is this how people actually felt…?

(you read about the paranoia and the terror of the red scare, but seeing an attempt at putting it in context still makes you think damn, times were weird)

this council is now talking about how they can best discredit MLK, and we see a guy who is blamed for the “there is but one way out for you” letter, which baby cig man says is stupid. oh, he blamed the director of the FBI for that. damn!

cigarette man says we need another patsy, and to make it a white man, so “it” (referring to king’s assassination) looks racially motivated. and oh! he says he’ll do it himself.

“i have too much respect for the man” <- so you’re gonna be the one that kills him? bro… what. we don't usually kill the people we look up to where i come from.

so. cig man lights up as he stands outside a building where MLK speaks. 

AND HE PULLS OUT THE PHOTO OF BABY MULDER AND HIS MOM???? WHAT THE FUCK

(is this like a “he’s grieving because his work demands that he never has a family” kind of thing or a “he’s longing for the embrace of mr. mulder” kinda thing….? does he love mrs. mulder….? what is this….)

cancer man gives the dude he’s framing a couple hundred dollars. and then gets in the bushes behind where dr. king is staying. i'm still processing the photo reveal.

and bam.

wow, i feel that this is… weird. idk, the whole “this character killed JFK” thing has been going on for so long that it doesn’t really feel that shocking, but dr. king’s death is a tragedy in a different way, and i’m not sure that using it in fiction is like, super appropriate? um.

while i am unsure if i feel that using a civil rights leader's assassination in your alien story is something we should brush past, i do understand what the writers are attempting to do here, which is show how dedicated to the anti-communist cause cig man is, and how he'll stop at nothing to do what he deems needed, no matter how ugly or horrific. i recognize what they are trying to tell me.

LMAOOOO WAIT. place my moral pondering aside for a brief second. if you pause, you can read the rejection letter baby cig man gets for his book. “my advice? burn it!” <- DAMN that book must have been god awful 😭

oh god. now the TV is mentioning RFK… don’t tell me cig man did that, too…

(author's note: thankfully, he was not involved with the killing of this kennedy brother; no clear statement on whether or not he was responsible for ted's whole thing)

AND WHY was cig man putting that photo of mrs. and baby mulder in his drawer…?!?!

cig man seems to be almost crying while quoting aeschylus along with RFK on the tv, as he speaks about the grief of losing both his brother and MLK…. damn. am i supposed to feel bad for CSM? because i don’t. 

back to modern cancer man. we now enter “part 3, the most wonderful time of the year”.

jump to 1991. he has saddam hussein on the phone?? and tells him to call back. and some other dude is working on the oscar noms LMAO wait... i lowkey love the idea that the government controls those... need to think what that would imply for every single winner ever

AND he rigs the superbowl so the bills don’t win LMAO what is his beef with buffalo?! AND he rigged the olympic hockey game in ‘80?

we’re getting the impression he kinda controls everything. message received loud and clear.

OH! now they’re talking about mulder… “that ‘spooky’ kid”, is how they refer to him. and CSM says that mulder is his to keep an eye on. i'm sure that's part of his decades long plot, to keep mulder under his watchful eye and use him as a pawn in his schemes. also, gorbachev has just resigned. no more enemies to fight.

and CSM gives his men some presents for christmas. how thoughtful…..? 

his men invite him to come with them to virginia for a family get together. damn, they like this guy? it seems they honestly do!

he got them all ties…. very strange fellow he is.

okay, so he lied and said he had to go see family to escape the gathering. and then ominously walks outside mulder’s office door. dun dun DUN!

he has some mail… and opens it to see something that displeases him. THEN HE STARTS WRITING AGAIN!! it seems like auto fiction, when you write about yourself but pretend it’s happening to a character. damn. crazy coping mechanism. good to know that he is kinda a loser all around. 

so, some days he longs for a second chance. okay, yeah, we all do cancer man, and most of us didn’t kill JFK.

the phone rings. it’s DEEP THROAT! my old friend!! were they tight?!

it seems that on christmas eve of 1991 was when a weird alien spaceship arrived to earth. and the occupant is in “critical condition”. also, deep throat mentions the UFO he had claimed to see before in vietnam, so we know he wasn’t lying entirely about that.

they have this fleshy pink alien hooked up to life support, which has me wondering how alien life support works, and also how many types of aliens we are dealing with in this universe. but i’ve mentioned that before. still! worth mentioning again!

lore reveal that is unsettling... DEEP THROAT’S NAME IS RONALD???? 

idk, i was expecting something like abernathy or shackleton or cromswell!

deep throat gives cigarette man the gun to handle the alien situation- but CSM protests, saying that a “living EBE” could advance bill mulder’s project by decades!!! MR. MULDER MENTIONED?!? he'd be willing to break protocol to help his buddy out?!?

but no, deep throat recites the rules from the security council resolution, which makes him remember what they came here to do.

can you just… shoot an alien??? to kill it? well. you can shoot some of them to kill them, but not the kind that need the special neck stabbing device. okay, keeping track of all this, just seems like maybe all aliens would need something a bit cooler to vanquish them.

they’re fighting over killing an alien…. cig man doesn’t want to do it, so he tosses a coin. so he makes deep throat do it?!?! deep throat says that this is their new enemy. honestly, the sad little alien does not look like he can hurt you, but okay.

(i mean, do they really need the gun? he’s an alien on life support, just pull the plug)

oh…. cig man rips the bandage off his neck as deep throat climbs into some gear to… gas the alien? now what is the significance of this bandage that has been on his neck but ONLY for part three of the story?

that alien is creepy. deep throat really does shoot the damn thing. and cig man lights up while this goes down. is every cigarette one dude he killed….? damn. that’s like 5 packs a day….

“part 4: the x-files”

OOOO, info on scully being brought in!!!

OMG!!! we see parts of her thesis.

did we know she went to the university of maryland? well, i didnt, so that counts as a…

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she graduated from the university of maryland in 1986!

(looking back, i realize this was all flashback stuff from the pilot. but i didn't KNOW at the time that this show would do such things to me, so i wasn't taking detailed notes! wow! how much has changed)

but it’s cancer man reading her thesis. stay away from her!

okay, now we’re back to one of the earliest times we ever saw scully, in her pilot episode fit. and was cig man actually there in the pilot? i think he was, right?

aww, we get to relive the “FBI’s most unwanted” moment through cancer man’s listening. it’s creepy, but still a heartwarming time.

back to the modern day- frohike is talking about how cancer man is “the most dangerous man alive”, because he believes these actions are all that life allows him, and he can never escape himself. damn. that’s deep.

and then back to the 1991 christmas eve scene… an editor loved CSM's book! he used the pen name “raul bloodworth”… have we heard that before? well, i’ll keep an eye out on various shelves. so he calls the number they gave him… he is desperate for validation… and he’s going on about how he wants the cover to look. there’s a cutting comment about “working with young authors”, and the publisher says he’ll have to “relinquish some control”. and cancer man is SO excited.

oh my gosh… wait, why am i lowkey emotional now? but that emotion is very specifically second hand embarrassment.

so he’s typing his RESIGNATION LETTER?? for the day the story gets published. for some reason he thinks that getting one story published = a life of steady income. HAH! if only.

he even takes a wistful look at his cigarettes and crushes them in his hand!!! wow, a time to begin again.

lmao i see a reference to darin morgan in the background magazines… do not think you are slick, props team!

CSM’s going to go pick up his story from a newspaper… and his story was published in a porno… and they changed his ending… 

this is NOT a good thing omg

and the newspaper salesman says that the magazine is garbage…

we just watched his dreams die in real time. and with the magazine, he buys another pack of cigarettes. damn. no chance for a new life, i guess. 

CSM’s now monologing about how life is like a box of chocolates (disappointing), and this is an interesting juxtaposition, because he is next to a man who is digging through garbage while he says all this, so clearly his material status could be a lot worse but it’s probably a mental prison, being rich and important and also sad.

Frohike clarifies that this CSM theory is based on a story he read, but he’s going to check with some hackers. as frohike walks out the door, cancer man mumbles that he can kill him whenever he pleases, but chooses not to do so today. 

woah… very different, but i actually really liked this episode!

i liked getting a peek into the mystical lore surrounding CSM, but also it wasn’t THAT much of a peek, you know? we know a few of the things he did, and that he did them in the name of fighting communism. i guess when he thought that communism was “defeated” they switched to aliens, but also aliens had to be there the whole time, because they did make the agreement about it after ww2. so he’s been up to a lot of stuff.

do i feel a little bad that he can’t get his writing published? yeah, but like i said in a “it’s cringey” kinda way, which i think was the intention. it’s funny that he has amassed all this power but is still a flop. 

like i said, i feel weird about the whole MLK thing. i think the coloring going black and white was to illustrate CSM's black and white thinking, about how you are either right or wrong, and to be wrong requires punishment, no matter what anyone else says on the matter. that was interesting.

hmm, i'm pondering. what will happen next to our smoky- well, i was going to say "our smoky friend", but we are not friends at all, are we? where will our tobacco-filled creep lead us?

i liked this one! it was really different from the traditional episode structure, so it felt special and nice. i liked getting an idea of his line of work and how he got involved with it and why, even if the killing post-Bay of Pigs thing was weird, but i GUESS it did bring the soviets and cuba closer together, so i GUESS if you thought anything that advanced communism had to be avenged, you would think that is a logical conclusion.

hmm, i can't afford to try and figure out who actually did it IRL! too much on my plate. it's an interesting theory... i shall have to give it a long contemplation.

[oblivious-aro]

I've been watching my other brother play Echoes of Wisdom, and based on the rough 30% I've watched being played, I'm happy to say it looks way better than I expected.

The Echo mechanic seemed kind of sketchy, and I was worried either the choices would be overwhelming or the player would just spam some staples. Yes, you will have some favourite children (especially with the monsters), but each Echo feels like its place in the game was well-considered.

I wish your Echoes were organized better, though. Nintendo, what was wrong with grids? Why'd you get rid of them? Single row was fine for Breath of the Wild when you could only have like 10 weapons, but having to scroll through every Echo you have (the maximum number being 127) can be quite tedious when you're looking for a specific one that doesn't head one of the categories. Even Botw had grids for your other items.

Speaking of Botw, very much a fan of the tasteful mix of old and new Zelda elements while still being is own thing. It's noninvasive if you're a new player, the references mostly being relegated to monster/npc and item designs, but appreciated if you're a veteran. My favourite example is the ocean and river zoras. Having the oldest design of zoras and the newest design of zoras be two different zora tribes is very cool, and the inclusion of Botw designs in a Gameboy styled game is neat and felt surprisingly natural. And I'm saying this as someone who isn't a Botw fan.

They've gone with the top-down Gameboy style, and I enjoy how they've expanded on the classic formula. If you've played the Gameboy games (or the Switch remaster of Link's Awakening), it feels pretty cool running overtop of tree walls and doing other preiviously 'impossible things. From that description it might sound like Eow plays like playing a broken Zelda game, but the new challenges you're presented with are appropriate and feel well-planned. The flow is good, the progress rate feels satisfying, and you feel cool without feeling overpowered. The puzzles aren't super hard, but you do have to think about how to properly manage your resources. I wouldn't say Eow is better than Botw because it's a 2d Zelda, but Eow it's a good example of how more constricted assets tends to lead to tighter gameplay.

The plot feels very 'Gameboy Zelda'. Nothing super special, (stop the big bad, help the people you meet in the new towns, etc.), but it's what it needed to be and there are plenty of fun little memorable moments.

How do they handle Zelda being the protagonist instead of Link and getting a magic staff instead of a sword? Honestly, it's the kind of thing where I could see people arguing either way over whether Nintendo's decisions were correct or not. Sword-boy, magic-girl is an ancient trope, but I do understand them wanting Zelda as a protagonist to differentiate from Link as a protagonist in a notable way. I probably wouldn't even be remarking on it if it wasn't for Loz's history as an old formulaic franchise. I think it'll be a fun thing for me to sit down and read about the nuances at some point, but overall, I'd say Zelda protagonist was a neutral/good execution.

Nothing revolutionary, but a very solid entry in the Zelda series that pleasantly surprised me. 👍