#and her at the end saying (spoilers obvs) that yes YES she does want to take life by the hand and pay the price to live and live

[madamescarlette]

💐

[jessicashome]

thoughts after tbosas movie (severe waffling!! with spoilers)

FIRST OF ALL!!!! ik like being british vs american (panem was north america) has some pronounciation differences but ive been saying their names so differently!!!! like ive been using soft As for the Anus brothers but its actually Anus so thats crazy.

next its very different to how i imagined, obviously they cut out so much (which is making me Need to read the og hunger games) but without coryos constant dialogue, i think more people are gonna fall into sympathising with him.

everything was also just so much more larger, like in my head the snake tank was as big as a fish tank not like all the snakes she was gonna drop into the games. the arena was sorta smaller than i imagined. the beam that i pictured lamina on was metal not concrete/stone. marcus :((( obvs the watches changed to screens. the origin of rat poison is different.

THE PRONOUNCIAtion OF TIGRIS!!!! and grandmaam was so much kinder than how i imagined.

i sort of wish we saw coryos inner dialogue because i feel like its a bit confusing to new people without it.

also like why r they dealing with jabber jays (dr gaul does make a brief mention but that was such a small detail thats so easy to miss).

for me seeing it as a movie solidified how evil he is because how could he do nothing seeing sejanus up there like😭. VISUALLY seeing him have a STRAIGHT face during that was heartwrenching.

from the book, i thought casca was actually so weird for having such a grudge against him but i see why now. not exactly justified but given the way he is bringing more 'life' to the games when casca's actively trying to kill them is understandable. THE WAY SNOW KILLED HIM??? crazyyy. Snow Lands On Top

hunter schafer ATE!!!!! like the "you look just like your father" omgg after she told him that she always saw hate in his eyes. shes so good. also from what i remember in the book he didnt even like his father why does he want to be like him in the movie😭😭 wish we saw his love for his mother a bit more

the way lucy's footsteps disappear LIKE BOOK CRUMBS! or like i guess it may have been mentioned in the lyrics of the folk song when she was singing but still so cool.

THE HOBB IS MASSIVE.

aLSO i think the movie goes down the route of snow being veryyy paranoid at the end. because her voice is echoing like it does at the hobb, i doubt her actual voice and singing would sound like that from the jabber jays? so was that actually her or his paranoia making things up?? yes shes actually gone (run off) but never truly gone from his life. the way he thought he shot her😭😭😭

i personally think they did love each other but snow strayed way past that line of good. dr gauls ideologies corrupted him (well like that lie about humans at their core being evil). he had his prejudices from the beginning but there were times he was good. idk he believed he was good when he was helping lucy gray but then he also had his ulterior motives for that so it made it all muddy. he says its for her but also for the money and in the end he chooses money.

anyways coriolanus snow is a bitch!!! a handsome one but still a bitch. bro went "IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY" like what the hell u quite literally had him killed. bitchass man 🖕🖕🖕🖕

[bnbc]

so, my mixed and matched post-canon (for me not to forget about details) beware spoilers obv!

1. Isabella opposes the Lord Inquisitor and chooses to contain THE THING forever

2. Standing over the body of Xavier Calcazar Heinrix makes his decision and takes Ordo Xenos rosette, as he thinks - for a time, while the Inquisition is considering a proper replacement. He remembers his promises to Isabella but sees it as his last duty to establish the Sector's stability. Isabella, however, feels betrayed, she is full of his shit and doesn't want to listen to logical arguments and regicide metaphors anymore 2a. During this fight she confesses she actually always hated regicide (look, even 100 willpower woman can be petty sometimes, as a treat)

3. "Time" takes years and Heinrix keeps his position.

4. Even though the relationship between them is officially over, this flame isn't easy to put down, and, brought together by the important business, they sometimes spend way too much time planning secret operations together. 4a. The rumors spread like diarrhea, of course, with bad and good consequences

5. It seems it might be fixed, but Isabella's new Master of Whispers finds some… unannounced Inquisition presence on her ship. Heinrix insists it was done out of care for her, which pisses her off even more. She says that if he cares, he can go back and settle in his old chambers any time, and disappear to the far side of the sector…

6. …just to send a request to meet her for a very important talk a couple of months after. Heinrix comes to a randevouez point, but while he's waiting for her, he gets a report from one of the recently found worlds and finds out that Isabella's mercy came to the tragedy again. He finds it out even before her, that is why when he scolds her and mentions two very forbidden words, she doesn't even argue. Just politely accepts his opinion and goes back to her business.

7. Von Valancius flagman ship is reported missing in the Warp 7a. At the end of the 4th year of hopeless search, Heinrix calls his agents back and mourns her.

8. After amost five years of absence Isabella von Valancius reappears in the Koronus expanse to declare she's alive, to find out that a bunch of heirs tried to claim their right to her legacy but didn't succeed without the Warrant (and without the support of certain structures and people). Her title was safe but her protectorate was close to ruins. She obviously had no time for any relationshit.

9. It takes time but control is restored, and so is a relationship with all the major players, some of which are on the thin edge of losing their patience because a certain Holy Ordo was way too quick to call everything 'heresy' lately

10. Speaking of the Ordos, agents on Dargonus send Heinrix a report that one of the local Schola Progenium students is actually the direct heir of von Valancius dynasty. Heinrix sits on this information for a month before meeting Isabella. Isabella asks him to kill every person who knows about her heir 'for the sake of what was between us' 10a. Heinrix hesitates to ask, but he asks in the end, and all she says is "By His will, the child won't inherit their parent's curse" and he takes it as 'yes' 10b. He eliminates his agents personally

11. At this point the final duty takes way too much time, around two decades, and it is a time of reflection and regrets, but everything seems truly over: so much time, so many careless words, and hard decisions between the two of them, and so little time left since both of them are warp-touched…

12. …but one day Heinrix receives a message that Kasballica Mission is planning his assassination, and von Valancius' influence is not enough to prevent it. Inquisition does have resources to do so, obviously, but does he want it? The old scar he still hasn't cured from his hand burns, when he asks back if his old chambers is still unoccupied and receives 'yes', and smiles

it is not really hard to fake his own death after all, and the only thing he regrets since then is not doing it earlier

[matthewmoorwood]

Currently compiling all of my personal headcanons for Vulcans in campfire so I can try to keep my fic stuff consistent and hrrgasdg I loveeeeee worldbuilding. Is any of this #realscience? nope. Is it still cool as fuck? Yep.

I'm not saying that biology is a special interest of mine, but I am saying that I did in fact make a flowchart of how I think Vulcans evolved into being humaoids from ocean bugs. Spoiler its by using desert cats as the mammal instead of apes. totally not because Vulcans are catboys or anything

I've even made separate evolutionary adaptations depending on what part of the supercontinent the Vulcans are from, like there are polar ice caps and so I've made flora and fauna that are kind of consistent with earth arctic stuff but also different and weird to accommodate for the desert conditions. (Yes ice is still classed as desert)

idk in my head Vulcans had a muchhh longer time period of being upright brain kinda work beings than we did because the climate was so harsh that evolution couldn't be as rapid + the whole fighting each other to death bit

Also those motherfuckers have tattoos and piercings and other illogical body mods, you're telling me that those pre-surak bitches wrote the most kick ass poetry and wouldn't?? ink themselves up with it?? yeah sure bud. Also sooo much socitial emphasis on jewelery and having either tattoo designs and stuff passed down through generations like taonga.

The level of drip Vulcans have is already illogical, idk I just think that most Vulcans who go offworld are taught to censor their cultural aspects in order to be less 'offensive' (appeal to space racists) but that the majority of regular ass Vuclans continue to practice their culture as their Surak given right.

Bc Uhura is my bbg and she's in all my tos fic (duh) I've also made some preliminarily language stuff (no dictionaries or anything) on potential communication things for the different regions depending on their available resources. e.g sign languages that require touching another person for dust storms/ blizzards.

'Cause of my physically disabled ass is in control here I've also been looking at how a semi-utopia view of accessible architecture could work while also tryna balance out the whole logical eugenics thing, too many cool sci-fi settings have like massive stairs and I'm like. :/ rlly.

When I do my ds9 fic stuff once the tos brainrot has abated I'll probably do a similar thing for Cardassians and Ferengi and Trill and all the other cool little critters.

I just think that Star Trek does WAYYYY to little with the ideas of alien cultures and ends up summeriasing entire planets and believing the same things and generalyl being copies of each other when there is so much diversity? across biomes? let alone galaxies. Semi-related it's like how obvs tos are my blorbos but I really want a new series which is just like "oh yeah this is Mr Brep and she kisses ladies and is also a spy for the Heebie Jeebie goverment and keeps getting into hijinks with her friends who she holds hands with all the time."

most of the time I wish I was normal and liked by my peers but other times, having autism kinda slaps.

[aureatchi]

REV GO CRAZY i wanna hear abt ur stories plot hehe <33 (btw UGH UR SO LUCKY U HAVE WORLD LIT AS A CLASS LIKE HELLOOOOO !??!?!??!)

LMAO sorry this is so late, tht assignment drained me sm tht as soon as i was done, i never wanted to speak of it again (¬_¬)ﾉ but we got 100 on it so i feel a bit less bitter now…

tw mention suicide, noone acc does it, it was js framed to cover up a murder

the story centers around a group of uni students (all friends) who travelled to egypt during their summer break !! it opens up w/ a shakespeare quote from antony and cleopatra (i’ll come back to this later; yes ofc i had to add shakespeare) & the beginning line is one of the main character’s journal entries, opening up to a tragedy tht js took place…one of the friends was found dead in his tent (they’re in the desert camping.) he was first found by his bsf who wanted to watch the sunrise w/ him tht morning along w/ two other things: a suicide note & a small knife. before finding the knife, the friends first thought he was bitten by a poisonous snake bcz it appeared there were snakebites on his neck, but he acc js “stabbed himself there twice”. so the police officer there declares he died by self-infliction, but immediately after, her walki-talki awakes, saying tht one of cleopatra the great’s artifacts was stolen from a museum. coincidentally, it was only ~an hour before the victim’s supposed death, & the students had visited tht museum earlier tht day too. so now obv, everyone believes there had to b something more.

basically it’s js a parallel between cleopatra & the murder LOL bcz what’s reverie w/out historical detail :’) so a few ex. cleopatra made a poisonous snake asp bite her & tht’s how the victim died (was murdered), and cleopatra was known to b very intelligent, cunning, and deceptive. spoiler alert the murderer is the main character writing the journal entry in the beginning, & i made it in a way where it was “unreliable narrator” LOL. so she represents cleopatra, murdered her friend bcz he caught her stealing the artifact, & she wanted the artifact bcz it supposedly had the coordinates to where she was buried & main character wanted to make tht discovery herself lol. the story ends in a very bsd azure messenger way LMAOO LIKE ACC, the victim’s bsf shoots her in grief & anger after her explanation and admitting, there’s a final shakespeare quote to tie it off, & yeah…

it’s super messy…LOL i promise i write sm better than this but yeah tht’s the summary !!

[vesper93]

Bones and All Q's/thoughts/spoilers (literally writing these as I watch for the first time):

1. Was that her dad locking her in her bedroom at the beginning?

2. Random aside- does Taylor Russell have some vitiligo on her face? I never noticed it before.

3. Ooft, that first shot of Sully standing on the street corner. 😬 The sniffing... ew.

4. The sound of him preparing that chicken. Double ew.

5. "We can hurt one another just as bad" - he's warning her.

6. I always wonder if human teeth are actually strong enough to bite through flesh just like *chomp* - I know we do it with steak and whatnot. I just kinda assumed humans would be tougher. Especially without cooking. Idk.

7. Being a cannibal would be a logistical nightmare. Like... a human being is BIG. How much could you actually eat in one go? Like, a thigh? What do you do with the rest?

8. "I profoundly doubt that" - yes Lee, see right through the creepy old man.

9. The Americana guitar throughout is very pretty. This soundtrack is cool.

10. I love how matter-of-fact Lee is. He seems very genuine.

11. The way he takes the shirt off after Kayla calls him a fa**ot hurts. He obvs took it to heart.

12. The first time we see them touch is in the slaughter house barn. Feel like that's significant.

13. Michael Stulbarg is amazing.

14. "There's before Bones and All, and then there's after" - I feel like this is true.

15. The drums of the soundtrack in IA - wow. Love it.

16. The trill of the music as the ferris wheel comes over the top and they're kissing - ❤

17. The look as Lee approaches the milk toss stand - Predator/Prey. Oooft.

18. Lee cruising that carnival worker should not be hot. But it is.

19. The pulling at the skin is a bit ew, but oh well.

20. "In my black cocoon I'm where no one can find me" - whilst Lee sits bathed in blood and moonlight. Double ooooft.

21. It's a good thing DNA matching hadn't been perfected yet.

22. "How dare you make this harder" - true lee. Like what does she want him to say??

23. I keep expecting to see Sully in the back of shots and it's creeping me out.

24. I get Maren's turmoil, but she doesn't need to take it out on Lee, who's also just trying to survive.

25. I have a kink for Timmy's arms, I've decided. I think Dune 2 where he's buffer might kill me.

26. She just fucking leaves him?! What??? He's the best thing thats happened to you!

27. Sully needs to fuck all the way off.

28. The scene where Maren is telling Sully "its gotta go both ways" - I feel her energy there. Its a young girl trying to placate a man who could harm her. That resonates. The stakes are different, but every woman can recognise the moment where they say "it's not you, it's me" to try and prevent harm. Felt that in my blood.

29. A man thinks they're entitled to something because they've misread a situation. Offft, that really hits close to home.

30. The scrape of the guitar as she destroys the tape.

31. I just wanna give Lee a hug.

32. Kayla seems really sweet, and I'm sad that I already know what happens to her.

33. What happens in the months Maren is away from Lee? What's she been doing?

34. The NE sequence is beautiful.

35. Idk how to describe it, but Timothée has a way of being *in* a scene that makes you feel like he's part of the landscape of it. There and natural. There is no acting, because he is in the fabric of the film.

36. I'll say it again but the guitar motif is just so beautiful.

37. The way the guitar just stops in that final scene when she opens the door. Fuck Sully, fuck him forever.

38. Sully is like Gollum. Except fucking weirder and grosser.

39. Okay, the bathtub scene is kinda grim.

40. How can something so grim make me cry?

41. Okay, new canon. Lee survives and the ending was just one of the psycho dreams, brought on by PTSD from Sully's attack.

42. The final shot is them afterwards. Surviving.

[nonclassyparty]

firstly, tell me why i had that wooyoung shit figured OUT LMAOOO. I literally called it HAHAHA. the way i knew this fool was part of the fruit community

i love the idea that like this story and your writing in general continues to make me go, men ain’t shit fr. but then my tiktok has san getting scared while playing video games and mingi being called pink princess like 🧌.

reading this story with the prologue in mind is insane bc i get that technically no one has really done anything wrong yet ? per se. but san rlly is or ig…is going to be? a grade a asshole.

atp i can understand that sans not at fault (YET apparently) bc like, let’s be real LMAO the agreement was set in place and even y/n herself UNDERSTANDS it, she just continues to play into it bc of her feelings. i cant imagine how san ACTUALLY ends up fucking up (ig putting aside the fact that he couldn’t even be a friend or at the very least an acquaintance and help her w her assignment). like ik y/n probably WILL get mad but she doesn’t rlly hav the right to get mad at him for kissing that girl watever her name is cus she and san aren’t exclusive. but like regardless of the fact, i’m stil obv rooting for y/n bc she’s going through it and she’s being treated terribly by so many ppl for stupid reasons, esp w the knowledge that they all think so shallowly of her and don’t take into account any of her actual interests or experiences like damn.

AND THEN there’s like the fact that (entirely from context and my assumptions alone) y/n didn’t even outright SAY any of this or tell san how she felt until she wrote that letter AFTER THE FACT like ??? that’s INSANE like my brain is scrambling to finish the puzzle before i even hav all the pieces. like ik u said ur not sure about the ending but does san get the letter ? do we even see how he reacts to it ???? (i’m assuming she’ll tell wooyoung or hongjoong tbh)

ALSO i can’t get over the description of why yunho doesn’t like y/n like…damn, homie’s giving incel energy. giving nate jacobs wanting maddy to be a virgin energy (but not nate jacobs wanting maddy cus yunho apparently can’t handle high maintenance bad bitches). idk he’s giving very small peepee, in the closet, daddy issues energy and yeosangs got his own issues that we don’t even know about yet like don’t let me find out i’ll probably lose it.

i’m LITERALLY rambling nonsense and i’m at work rn. anyways amazing work ONCE AGAIN. i cant get over how you write and how you flesh out the characters. cant wait for my boy mingi to be properly introduced. let’s see how my emotions handle that.

-🧃

there is so much to discuss in this message hold on;

first of all, wooyoung being part of the skittles squad well idk how you got that right i'll be honest with you

this is exactly why when i write i have to stay away from atz content bc i went and watched the new wanteez eps today and i just cant write afterwards bc san is so fawking soft and precious how am i supposed to write him as a fuckboy that breaks hearts??? at one point i was like 'damn i shouldve picked someone else as the fuckboy for starring role' and not HIM😭😭

about san fucking up, it will happen in act 8 and i cant say anything else without giving away spoilers but yes! san never promised her anything, yn is aware of it and she knows where the two of them stand deep down but she just doesnt want to accept it (spoiler: that will basically be what the next chapter is about). also keep in mind that the story doesnt end with the letter, there are a couple more chapters afterwards 😭

YUNHO. WAIT NOT TOO MUCH ON HIM?? thats still my man but i wasnt really going for that sort of energy but now re-reading the part about him, i could see why it might've came off like that 😭. basically, with yunho i was going for the type of guy that doesnt like spoilt girly girls who care about makeup, clothes and are shallow, that only dates girls who, by his standards, have some depth to them and are sorta not-like-other-girls but in a pinterest cottage core aesthetic way (kjsghdjfhkfdj??? idk if that makes sense but he likes sweet girls who he can bring back home to his parents basically. its pretty much what svoh yn was) and yet he would still sleep with starring role yn without a doubt 😭. he was inspired by many guys ive meet in college

yeosang's storyline...im kind of nervous about revealing it tbh, also mingi will be properly introduced in the next chapter! as something much more than just boyoung's friend.

thank you so much for this message, i always look forward to yours in particular and theyre so fun to read. i really appreciate them. i hope you have a good day 💝

[bittxrsweetsoph]

Y'all I have a theory!

You know 007's OST - No time to die by Billie Eilish?

WHAT IF it was inspired by Goncharov? Okay I know it sounds crazy BUT HEAR ME OUT

*obvs this post contains spoilers from Goncharov (1973)*

Let's analyze the lyrics:

I should've known

I'd leave alone

Just goes to show

That the blood you bleed

Is just the blood you owe

At the very end of his life, Goncharov, on the floor and with his clothes soaked wet with his own blood, looks back. It's been a hell of a ride! He's won, he's failed, he got some friends on the road, and many enemies too. He realizes that, even though he's never been alone (Andrey, Katya, his cat, etc), the mobster's life is a lonely one. You can never be sure you're trusting the right person. And so there he is, dying alone, and his blood doesn't even impress him. He's already seen so much blood. He has killed, we know that much. Was it fair? Did those people deserve to die? Goncharov owes a debt, those people's families want him dead. Now he is.

It is implied in "faces from my past return, another lesson yet to learn" too, the faces of those he murdered. Every single one of their faces was carved into his memory; now he remembers. Now he gets to learn what they felt.

We were a pair

But I saw you there

Too much to bear

You were my life

But life is far away from fair

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

Was it obvious to everybody else

That I'd fallen for a lie?

You were never on my side

Fool me once, fool me twice

This screams betrayal. Someone Goncharov loves betrays him. Is the song referring to Andrey or Katya? We don't know, but it kinda fits both of them. "Fool me once, fool me twice". Guess what! There were two big betrayals.

Katya's treason takes place on the final act, but there are some hints scattered throughout the entire movie. She loves her husband (she really does), they've been through a lot together. They care about each other. But sometimes love isn't enough. And in the end, Katya leaves. She runs away to Reykjavik, to start a new life, far away from danger and secrecy.

Andrey's betrayal is more striking, though. In a friendly or romantic way, we can't say. Anyway, since the beginning Goncharov and Andrey are thick as thieves (no pun intended,,, well, maybe). They're inseparable, they act as one single soul in two different bodies. They are partners in crime, the perfect tandem in Napoli, they complement each other. There are no secrets between them... Right?

It is first implied that Katya cheated on Goncharov with his best friend. Then, some lines in the fruit scene, the poker scene and Goncharov's death scene, also make us think there was more than friendship between both men (not confirmed by the writers, but yk it was the seventies). Goncharov has literally and figuratively fallen for a lie, as Andrey, his friend, companion, lover, soulmate, is the one who ultimately kills him and sees him fall to the ground, all signs of life disappearing.

Are you death or paradise?

Now you'll never see me cry

These verses could be linked to the homoerotic details and interpretations we are familiar with at this point (if you're not, I strongly recommend you go to ao3, there's gold in there). There are many religious references throughout the film. Goncharov and Katya, as well as Andrey, grew up in a religious environment. Yes, different religions, maybe, but the same concepts: honor, family, tradition. It's easy to imagine them having a significant faith crisis when they realised their feelings (Goncharov for Andrey, and Katia for Sofia). In the song, we can see the dichotomy: Goncharov wonders why loving Andrey should be bad if it feels so good. Katya looks at the apple that Sofia is holding, thinking to herself: maybe Eve accepting and eating the apple, falling into temptation, was an unknown door to a new paradise.

There's just no time to die

THE SIMBOLISM IN THIS FILM. It always comes back to time. We are running away from an enemy we can't win. Time will always catch us. We can't fight against time.

The characters continuously have this thought. "I'm running out of time". Goncharov himself speaks about how there isn't enough time in a day to fulfill his wants, to do everything he's planning, but he keeps procrastinating the vital stuff in life. It is only when he is bleeding out that he comes to the conclusion that none of the bills, jobs and arguments were important. They weren't worth it.

So yeah, that's pretty much it!

[aromanticbuck]

first, congration on the hockey things! i don't follow the sport but i enjoy a game if it's on tv, i'll root for your team if i see them <3

second, you're one of the only blogs i follow where i know there's an OG 911/One Chicago overlap so. spoilers for Med 8x18 but my brain is now LATCHED ON to the (potential) parallel between Buck and Hannah...

obv we have much more detail on Buck but like. The very real probability that both of them grew up blamed by their family for Being Born? Thinking about Buck in In Another Life literally facing off against himself saying It Wasn't My Fault but also there's a part of him that doesn't believe that... Hannah dedicating YEARS of her life to giving the help her mother didn't get,,,,,, her line about hating her mother for prioritizing her kids over herself bc she wanted her mother too....... Buck growing up doted on and neglected at the same time bc the wrong kid lived............ both of them probably as adults (we see this in Buck Begins but Hannah probably had the realization pre-canon) growing into the idea of Was It My Fault. Was It My Fault For Being Born. they were KIDS they were TRAUMATIZED

yes admittedly the struggle here is Buck has some of the most backstory development on 911 and Hannah has some of the least on Med but STILL. I am USING MY IMAGINATION. Like. Buck without Maddie (and arguably without Bobby) could've so easily ended up like s5 Hannah... does Hannah get along with her siblings I am begging Med to tell us????? I'm slightly scared of Buck stans and there, uh. Aren't really many Hannah stans so I'm going insane in your inbox ty for putting up with me!!!!

in conclusion:

First off, thank you, for the hockey support. I'm so proud of my boys being in the playoffs for the first time ever. I haven't felt like this since rooting for the Sharks in the 2015-16 season fr.

Second... I love me some similar blorbos. Thank you for putting this coherently because I've been thinking about an AU where Mouse and Hannah are best friends since last night but I could not articulate why their mommy issues, while so wildly different from each other, could play off each other so heartbreakingly. Thank you, for the words, I'm going to keep them. Don't know if I'll use them, but I'll hold them dear.

This is a Hannah Asher adoring space I hope she never leaves us again.

And yes, Buck has so much more development because he's a main who's been around since the first season of his canon, and Hannah is relatively new and only became a main recently, but like... that essence of blaming themselves for any and all of the bad things that happen to their families, because what if it had been different? What if they hadn't been born? Would things have been different? Would those differences have been for the better?

I feel a normal level of emotions about them and this. I am not going to think about them being friends and bonding over wildly different but also shockingly similar childhood trauma and the feelings that come from that (lying)

You connected more than two dots. You won a game of connect four I don't think anyone realized were were playing. And I'm so glad you did.

[swaps55]

Ok I shall be brave... so the moment that TRULY solidified mshenko for me was at the end of Leviathan. (Its an old game, yes but there are some like me who are new so *SPOILERS*) When Shepard comes up and tumbles out of the Atlas. I was already locked into the romance with Kaidan and obvs had him with me for that mission and the way he ran to Shepard... well it just nestled those boys into a corner of my heart I thought was going to remain empty. In-game he obvs recovers and goes all Shepardy pretty quickly on the Kodiak. But I'd love to see some tender aftercare on the Normandy. Leviathan definitely did a number on him. I'm a real sucker when it comes to hurt/comfort... its a character flaw.

I am so sorry this took me 84 years to write. I came at it from a few different angles before I finally found the right one.

~

Warm With You | Ao3 (2.8k)

The pale light of Shepard’s fish tank casts an eerie glow around the otherwise dark cabin. Kaidan stands in front of the glass, watching the sunfish meander through strands of seaweed, the jellyfish bob along a column of bubbles. The bright blue sheen of the water cuts such a stark contrast to the dark depths of Despoina’s turbulent seas. He rubs his arms.

The door to the cabin slides open and Shepard enters, slow, hugging himself, hollow look in his eye. He’s exchanged his armor for BDUs, but BDUs don’t have a temperature control unit. At the sight of Kaidan he halts, failing to hide a shiver.

“Hey, you,” he says uncertainly.

Kaidan offers him a faltering smile. “Hey. Guess Dr. Chakwas finally cut you loose.”

He nods.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah. She wants to keep an eye on me, but her medical opinion more or less boils down to exactly what you said. Don’t do that again.” He shifts back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Wasn’t sure if you’d be here.”

“Do you want me to go?” Kaidan asks, walking up to him and running a hand up and down Shepard’s bare arm, not quite meeting his gaze. His skin is ice cold to the touch.

“No,” Shepard says, voice quiet.

“Okay. Then I’ll stay.” He takes Shepard by the hand, intending to lead him down the steps towards the bed and some damned blankets, but Shepard stands firm, rooted to the spot.

“You’re angry with me,” Shepard says, gaze solemn, almost remorseful.

He never was one to dance around conflict when he could simply smash headlong into it.

“Sam.”

“You’re angry with me,” Shepard insists, shivering again. “I took the risk. Did everything you’ve asked me not to do. You’re pissed at me.”

A thin trickle of blood runs down his nose. He sniffles, wipes at it, swearing when his fingers come away red. Kaidan heads for the bathroom without a word, finds a rag, and gently wipes the blood away, trying not to think about that endless hour he’d spent with Cortez and Garrus, taking down brutes and picking off husks under the lash of cold rain, eyes on his HUD, waiting for that transponder ping, waiting for something to crest that water other than another wave. Shepard gazes at him while he works. When the blood is gone, Kaidan tosses the rag onto the desk and resumes rubbing Shepard’s arms. He’s so cold.

“I can be upset later,” Kaidan says softly.

“Don’t do that. Don’t put yourself—”

“You’re exhausted,” Kaidan says, gentle but firm. “Freezing. You just put your body through hell, and you’re fried. Does me being upset with you help anything right now?”

Shepard swallows, but doesn’t answer. The tremble running through him says it for him.

“You need me,” Kaidan says, cupping Shepard’s face with both hands. “So I’m here. We can deal with the rest later.”

“I’m sorry,” Shepard says, and it comes out desperate. “There wasn’t another way.”

Kaidan looks into those bright, almost feverish eyes. Shepard keeps the entire galaxy in that gaze. The light of all those stars and the emptiness that stretches between.

“I know,” Kaidan tells him, brushing his thumbs along Shepard’s jaw. “It’s who you are. It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “It isn’t.”

“It has to be.”

“Kaidan—”

“Shhh. Let’s get you warm, okay?”   

~

Read the rest on Ao3 (2.8k)

[shintorikhazumi]

“Diana.”

A/N: To be honest, I had wanted this to be a Diana-centric fic, from Diana’s perspective. I struggled to find a concept, and had a little help from a friend who sent me a random generator. (Thanks, Kate :>) And when I thought I’d just choose from a randomly generated idea, I came across this video on youtube which was actually a compilation of a tiktok series of the story of two neighbors. Of course, I changed bits of it, and obv the end so if you think you know what the source vid is, dw. I won’t hurt y’all like that ;-; And I’ll just link it at the bottom so no plot spoilers for those who don’t know what it is. Eyyyy.

This fic has a few song recs for y’all to listen to if you haven’t heard them already, lol. ;)

I had been looking for something... “emotional” for Diana’s bday fic. And I think... this works. At least for me, it does.  It’s not from Diana’s perspective, but... I think this works. So without further ado, Happy birthday Diana and...

oh, thank you to @tracedinairlwa​ for some help with the music :> that y’all will see later in the fic :’>. Without further ado,

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

 It all started with a sunset and a few familiar notes from a piano.

No, it isn’t Akko’s piano. Her piano has been sitting in a corner of her room, collecting dust- untouched for months. And that is just the thing. Unless her piano has somehow become cursed and has decided to ghostly play on its own, then there had to be some other source.

The source of that gentle sound, Akko eventually pinpoints, is her apartment wall- or more accurately, what lies beyond that separator.

As she sits on her couch, admiring the expressive tones, her mind has decided that it wants to capture this special moment, and keep it stored lest she never experiences it again.

Making a quick dash for her bedroom, she opens her bedside drawer and fishes for her old camera from her university days in film club, back when she was an actual student of the Arts and all that creative jazz. She has tried to maintain it, but being under lockdown allows her few chances of seeing the outside world, and the few corners of her home don’t exactly spark ‘inspiration’ for any project.

Dusting the device off gently, she takes it back to the living room, placing it on her coffee table facing herself. She clicks the record button, thinking of making an introduction; but she quickly abandons that idea as she realizes it may take away from the sounds she wants to ring more apparent on tape.

Maybe she can just edit a few captions later on her laptop. Yes. That sounds good.

So she sits.

And the notes kept playing.

 //

[Video Diary(?) Diary? Is this a Diary? Day... Day 1. I hope it’s only Day 1. I hope there’s a day 2. And a three... and a five.

So anyway, Akko here. And uh... I got a new neighbor, I think. He/she plays the piano. I do too (kinda. Haven’t done that in a while, hehe).

I don’t know why I recorded this... this must seem like I’m being a creep, but... They just... played Chariot’s Melancholy from my favorite show and... it felt sadder than usual. The sound felt sorrowful. I don’t know...

I’m... moved.]

//-//-//-//-//

She does not know what compels her today, to slip that message under her neighbors door; but before she can even think about her actions, they’d already been done.

A simple, “can you please play ‘Ease My Mind’ by Ben Platt, maybe?” haphazardly scrawled on a piece of notebook paper is delivered with the anxious feelings of an interaction-craving Akko, starved of a social life since all this pandemic misfortune began.

She is sure she no longer knows how to string a proper introduction together after nearly a year of being by her lonesome.

This is about to change however. Starting today.

Maybe.

She counts down the hours ‘til sunset.

//

[Day 2! Yey! So uh... I kind of... went on the attack- no! I didn’t attack anyone! I just... You know how I have a new neighbor that plays the piano? I sent that neighbor a note.

And you might think that’s all fine and cute, but... I’ve never even met my neighbor... but...

I love his/her music. So much.

And I told them. On the note, of course. Duh, Akko.

I asked them to play ease my mind and... they did.

As you can hear in the video... I guess it was a yes. :>

 ...They eased my mind...

-Akko]

 //-//-//-//-//

She wants to try something today.

She has been thinking about it the past few days after continually being blessed with such beautiful music. Music that had attracted her like moth to a flame. The piano’s daily sunset singing compels her to come reunite with her own.

She had wiped it clean earlier in the morning and now sits awkwardly on the bench, punching down a random note here and there.

What a nostalgic tone.

The C major scale then the G. She plays it. A few arpeggios to warm up. F sharp major doesn’t sound too good, with her fingers tangling up as she traverses the scale. What was the fingering supposed to be like again? Right. Start with the fourth and second finger on the left and right hand respectively.

That sounds much better.

She hums a few tunes, choosing from a playlist arranged in her mind. She settles on something gentle and sweet. A Yiruma song. Just to get the feeling back in her hands.

A river flows as notes along the plain that is her silent room, adorning the quiet flourishes and curves, bringing color to her atmosphere.

She misses this. This tingle in her heart as music fills up her entire soul, not allowing her to think of anything else but this exact moment.

Yes.

This... This is nice.

And Akko plays until the sunset comes.

She can’t wait for it to come.

//

[Day 6. I... I haven’t played the piano in a while, and I’m a little rusty. But brave ol’ Akko here thought it’d be great to ask for a duet from the virtuoso across the drywall, haha. I left a note...

And I though we had something going. I was excited... I said that they could play once I stopped my part, but... did they forget? Or I guess they didn’t hear me.  

It’s okay... I can try again tomorrow.

I hope. Tomorrow...

-This has been Akko.]

//-//-//-//-//

She excitedly videos this weekend ‘meet-up’.

Akko still doesn’t know who lives across the wall, but she sure knows his or her favorite songs by now, hearing it daily at the same sunset hours.

She admires the music, as usual, but this time it’s different. This time, they had sent her a note. An apology for missing out last time.

They request a duet with her, to make up for it. Of course, Akko accepts. And now she starts it off, praying and hoping her sound is heard through the barrier that keeps their music apart.

She ends her part of the duet, waiting in the most agonizing few seconds of silence. She briefly worries that her neighbor had forgotten their proposition; or maybe they couldn’t hear her once more.

It’s fine, she thinks... It’s okay. She scratches her cheek, wondering if she should hold on until next time again-

There it is. That beautiful sound, so personal to the one living across the wall. A sound of emotion that could only belong to whoever it was living there.

Akko had never heard anyone else play the way her neighbor did.

She laughs, she feels herself tear up a little. It hurts so sweet in her chest. It’s a fizzy, bubbling excitement. It’s a stretched-out joy across her cheeks.

A success!

A beautiful one, indeed.

//

[Day 8: Akko here. My wish came true. I... got to play with my neighbor! Yay!

... Maybe I should go meet them now...]

//-//-//-//-//

They do it again.

Akko excitedly bounces in her warmed piano seat, listening to her neighbor go first this time around. She listens intently. Once the wall music stops, she starts. This was their agreement, their deal.

The river’s flow stills a moment, and that’s Akko’s cue to pick up the current’s pace once more.

She plays with shy gusto, caressing the keys in a way that shows how she’s fallen in love again. With the piano? With music? Yes. With- ...

Love, huh. It’s such perfect timing too.

Today is Valentine’s day.

Akko doesn’t know whether or not her neighbor has anyone special in her life like that, but if they share the same situation, all alone in their apartments, locked in by the pandemic, she just wants them to know she receives the message their music is trying to get across to one another.

Her heart feels it. It translates it.

It cherishes it.

//

[Day 13.

Dear Neighbor,

I just... wanted to share the words we’ve exchanged, not through any verbal means, but through the sounds that reverberate against the very foundations of our connected homes. Thank you for this message.

I know that music is... our way of simply saying

“I don’t know who you are ... But I’m here. You’re not Alone.” This is for you too.

-Sincerely, Akko.]

//-//-//-//-//

It is a challenge.

For Akko or for her neighbor, she doesn’t know. What she does know is that tomorrow is going to be the big day! She’s finally going to see the face behind the songs that have embraced her tenderly throughout the lonely struggle she hadn’t realized had weighed down on her so heavily.

The interactions they’ve had, the conversations, they brighten up her everyday, and Akko is somewhat afraid she’s gotten attached; addicted- if you will- to this unique bond she’s formed with another she has never actually met.

Her mind strays from her current piece, body autopiloting a song called, “Mind Conductor” that both of them just so happen to like, apparently. Another fact that makes Akko feel all giddy as they seem to share a taste in other media outside of music.

She feels herself vibrate with nerves and excitement.

It’s tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day.

//

[We’re Finally Meeting.

Tomorrow.]

//-//-//-//-//

Akko tells a story.

She’s met her neighbor, not knowing what to expect. Despite having a lack of said expectations, she could confidently say it was better than anything she could have anticipated.

She rolls up the sleeves of her flannel shirt, readying herself to write the melodious response to the already playing tune in the background of her video.

Though she tries to listen intently, waiting for her turn, she is distracted. She knows she is.

After meeting someone as wonderful as her neighbor.

Blonde hair and blue eyes invade her recall, flashes of a soft smile and calm voice playing over and over in her head.

Her neighbor is the most gorgeous woman she’s ever met. Breath-taking. Akko says this with utmost objectivity as her lungs struggle to function after first meeting the lady.

Hailing from Scotland, the twenty-five-year-old had introduced herself to Akko. They exchanged a few pleasantries, some questions and information.

Akko had asked how she’d never known she had such a talented neighbor, to which the response was an admission from the woman that she had just moved in and was only staying in the adjacent apartment temporarily while awaiting for a relative to come for her after selling their old house back in their hometown.

Her mother... rests. Having had a certain heart disease for a while, her immune system had proven very susceptible to the pandemic reaper that had claimed her life for its tallied count. She never knew her father, it seemed.

Akko’s heart breaks as she remembers these things.

“All I have left is the piano.”

That’s what she’d said to her earlier.

Akko’s fingers glide across the keys, playing her role in this drama for two.

“I play at sunset because my mother came home at that time from work... she was always stressed.

...I wanted to be of help to her. I was happy she loved it. As I grew up, it became a habit.”

Akko fumbles with a few keys, making a slight mistake. She hopes her neighbor can forgive her for being so distracted at the moment, and right after they’d finally met too.

“Thank you, Miss-”

“Akko is fine.”

“Thank you, Akko. You’re playing has, in truth, kept me motivated and less lonely.”

Akko remembers having promised before their parting to their respective units that she would keep playing with her until she moves out.

Akko blushes upon remembering the stunning smile she was offered afterwards.

Her neighbor had been camera shy and so Akko didn’t get the opportunity for a picture. She hopes for the best in the future. She’ll try again if ever the lovely lady was ready.

They have time, anyway.

They do.

//

[Day 20, folks! Akko here, writing another video caption entry, Diary, thing... haha. The song playing right now in the video is gorgeous right? It’s... her favorite song. It’s called, ‘In case you don’t live forever’. She said it keeps her loser to her mother. It keeps her in her heart.

She plays so beautifully...

She’s just as beautiful. She’s amazing.

She’s... a special soul.

I feel goosebumps.

I’m glad. For her. Her music doesn’t sound as sorrowful as when I first heard it. It’s still every bit as emotional, though. I could cry. Really, I could...

...I’m so happy she’s healing.

It’s a process, but... I’ll be here. I’ll be here for her.

I’ll be here for you,

“Diana.”]

//-//-//-//-//

There are times when Akko thinks she’d like to get to know her neighbor more, a little more chatting, a few more minutes talking. 

However, it always seems as though there’s this unspoken rule. This... ‘don’t-get-too-close’, ‘don’t-ask-more-than-you-should’. It’s like a boundary that keeps Akko from learning more, discovering more.

Neither of them purposely meet-up outside their closed doors either, this lockdown and what-not all up in their face.

They see each other around the building sometimes, wave a hand, shake a plastic bag of groceries, but building protocols don’t really allow loitering in the halls, and Akko feels she’d be crossing a line in inviting the girl over, and she doesn’t see herself getting invited instead either.

Despite this longing, she isn’t all too dissatisfied with the current standing of their relationship. Peculiar as it may be, she rather likes this.

A relationship built on a communication based on raw emotion delivered through their music.

If Akko ponders it deeply, it’s quite an intimate relationship, what they have. Thoughts and feelings in their purest form- unspoken, but not hidden.

She might not know too much about Diana. She may not know much of her past, or even her present, or general objective facts about the woman.

But what Akko does feel she knows is Diana’s heart. 

And Akko knows its utterly beautiful.

//-//-//-//-//

Moonlight Sonata has never felt so sad to her; its sounds reflecting something they both felt, Akko believed.

Akko feels her heart clench and ache in her chest, her face a little hot and her palms sweating.

Only a week left before the clock strikes twelve and the magic is broken.

Diana is finally moving out.

It is... their final duet.

How unfortunate.

Akko sighs, thinking about the pain she’ll feel later as she edits this portion of the video. Compared to the happy tones and build ups of all the others, this... is something she doesn’t know if she can do.

Maybe she can ask Amanda for a favor this time around?

She’s actually shown some of her closest friends her video logs, and they all had sent kind messages to Akko’s new friend, who in turn, felt worlds and worlds happier.

Akko feels happy as well.

Diana’s joy is contagious. It shows through her expressive music that gives away the feelings her face doesn’t show.

Speaking of Diana’s face... she still hasn’t agreed on showing her face on camera. Akko supposes it’s still too early. Maybe before she leaves? Oh Akko hopes so. She wants to have something to look at physically to remember Diana by. Not that she’d ever forget.

Still, a little memory help never hurt anyone.

Diana’s turn comes in smoothly through the wall, Akko unable to keep her smile from forming.

She’s going to miss this. The playing; the sometimes awkward, but unconventionally amazing duets; the letters shoved underneath door; and the very rare hallway meet-up where Akko can only smile at Diana as they exchange a literal word or two.

Akko reminisces.

The past... two months now, have been amazing. Incredible. Life-changing. Akko wonders what the future has in store for them both after they part.

Maybe they could meet again. Someday. Somehow. Somewhere.

Akko knows she’ll keep playing still. At the same time, on a weekend, as the sunsets. For Diana. She’s promised she’ll keep making the video logs. She’ll send them over to her so that they can still keep this music alive in some way.

//-//-//-//-//

[Day 62.

Hi, Diana. It’s me, Akko.

I... wrote you a song...? Or well, I started to... I’m not quite done yet, hihi. Got a little too ambitious and all... thought I could add some other instruments besides our- the piano... aha..haha...

When you first told me your story, I started picturing it out. A life dyed with all the colors of the spectrum. From the vivids to the grays, it was such a lovely imagery in my minds eye. A painting I could not get out of my head.

And so this song is... yeah. That.

A story.

A story about this wonderful twenty-five-year-old woman who so happened to move next door to this uninspired artist. She’d lost her mother to a stupid virus, and she’d never known her father. Her house got sold, and she had only one distant relative she knew of left.

She spends her days along in a box of white walls and empty silence. That is, until the sun decides to rest for the day, and it sends its golden rays of energy to the girl and to her piano that she thought to be her sole companion in this tragedy.

She plays her favorite songs, filling the emptiness with her own emotions; making the intangible manifest itself and cause a dumb girl next door to one day slip a scratch of paper underneath her door, asking for a song.

A note with a request... and with a message that she’d heard her feelings- her loneliness; and that she’d never let her be alone anymore.

And that’s how they became friends, huh, Diana?

Two pianos, Two people, and a wall that keeps them apart.

They didn’t know who was playing on the other side. But did it matter?

In this dreary, blackened time of the world,

‘You can be the light of somebody else’ darkness, so keep shining.’.

Dear Diana,

In case my playing isn’t as emotionally expressive as yours, I hope you at least know this now. Through this video.

That you were, and are... my light.

-Akko.

P.S. I hope I finish the song and give it to you before you leave.]

//-//-//-//-//

 She feels herself hyperventilating, her vision bleary. She can barely stand. She feels like vomiting, and dying, and screaming all at once.

Her anxieties run rampant all over the room.

If this keeps up, she may as well hurt herself beyond help.

She trudges over to the one thing that could ground her at the moment.

The piano.

Her hands are shaky as they do multiple attempts to turn on the keyboard, hitting the wrong buttons and turning the volume knob up too loud that when Akko accidentally leans against the keyboard, hand pressing down on many keys, the sound almost blows up her eardrums.

She curses, smashing a hand against those same keys, the cluster of notes echoing through her apartment walls.

“aaaaAAAAGGHHHHHHHH!!!!”

She allows the scream to tear out of her throat; emotions, wild horses finally released into the open.

“AGH! AGGHHHH!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH”

She falls face first onto the keys, now ignoring the loudness of their noise, momentarily thinking it would be better to allow her ears to bleed out so she’d never hear a thing again.

She wants something, anything, to drown out the pain she feels right now.

...

She sobs against the keys, head lifting as she apologizes to her piano, wiping off the tears that are quickly replaced by fresh ones.

Akko gives up and plays a note. Then two.

Then she’s playing ‘you’ll be in my heart’ and she’s crying more.

She lets herself cry as she plays.

Today, she was supposed to see Diana off. She had left a final note the day before yesterday, asking if she could do so. Help Diana carry her things, maybe swap numbers, and just... maybe keep this connection going for years to come.

Last night, she’d said good night at Diana’s door.

The girl gave her the sweetest smile, an almost unnoticeable blush on her features.

Oh, but Akko noticed anyway.

Of course, she would. With how shamelessly she stared at Diana at that moment.

Diana laughed, stepping closer and patted Akko on the cheek- kissed her there- before turning about to shut the door, along with the lights Akko saw go off from underneath it.

She was excited for the morning.

But when morning came... Diana was gone.

Akko had been thrown into confusion and a frantic state that she’d bolted all around, searching for signs or a left behind message.

Nothing.

She had then run down to ask the land lady, and that’s where she’d found out.

The heart disease Diana’s mother had was hereditary.

Diana had had an attack, and with an emergency alerting device, she’d been able to contact her only family, and had been taken to the hospital.

That was good.

That gave Akko relief and joy.

...so why is she despairing now?

...She didn’t know.

No, not the reason for her despair. She knows that.

The reason she was in this state is because she didn’t know.

She didn’t know what had happened.

She didn’t know Diana had suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night.

She didn’t know where she was, or where whoever took her.

She didn’t know that Diana had that heart disease too.

She didn’t know because she never got to ask.

She never got to learn more, know more.

... Did she not know Diana then?

Her mind taunts her, her heart hurts her.

She doesn’t know a lot about Diana. Not as much as she thinks.

That’s what they tell her.

For all the emotions they’d exchanged through music, that was the extent of it. Had Akko been too presumptuous in thinking she’d known Diana so deeply because of what they’d shared?

When in reality she may as well be a random stranger playing her show tunes and disturbing her neighbors.

Akko almost believes it.

But no... no. She can’t do that. She can’t assume those things. Not about their connection. Not about Diana.

Because Diana had told her once upon a song that she- that Akko had been her light. Her comfort. Akko believes in Diana. So she believes these feelings as well.

Yet these feelings of her own were so conflicting, so daunting. They battle in her mind, questioning and justifying every little thing. All things relating to Diana. Diana and... Diana.

Akko coughs out a few more sobs, throat incredibly dry.

She stops playing for a moment, dragging herself to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Then she goes back to the piano.

She... doesn’t feel like playing again.

What should she play anyway?

What song does she want to play? What song... Song... Song... Diana... What was Diana’s favorite song?

Diana? Song? A song for Diana? A song about-

Akko falls off her piano bench as she scrambles for her coffee table, sighing in relief as the papers for her composition are still there.

With shaky hands, she takes the sheets and a pencil and brings them over to the piano.

And she writes a few notes, then a few bars.

Diana.

Diana.

Who is Diana.

What does Akko not know about her. Her other struggles? Her sickness? Her trials and her fears? Her past?

That melody... sounded too sad for a parting gift. Akko doesn’t want Diana to feel more sorrow when she moves out...

Then....

What does Akko know? About Diana?

“Diana is...”

Expressive, emotional.

Diana is intelligent, an intellectual.

Diana is sincere and sweet.

Diana is talented and tasteful in music.

Diana is... her neighbor, her... new friend,

....Akko’s... what?

What was she to Akko?

“You are my light.”

-Akko ends up writing as a title.

But that’s a little too embarrassing to give to someone who was just your neighbor and a new friend... right?

And maybe it didn’t exactly represent the whole thing Akko had written.

So she erases it, biting her pencil as she tries to come up with a new name, a new caption for this creation.

What could it be. That describes Diana in her entirety; her life, her struggles, her joys.

Who is she? Who is Akko’s neighbor?

Akko scratches her head in frustration, wracking her brains even more.

With a sigh, she replies to herself aloud, the simplest, somewhat plain, and stupidly obvious answer.

“Well, she’s Diana.”

And it clicks.

That she is.

She is Diana.

And Akko throws on a jacket, a mask, and some shoes and thinks no more.

//-//-//-//-//

[Dear Diana,

I know very little about you

But you’ve changed my life.

Really you have.

You gave me back my passion, and a little bit more of that even. Maybe aroused a new passion within me.

I’d say, “You’ll be in my heart”, but that sounds too much of a farewell, to be honest.

And I’d rather not say goodbye just yet.

Not like this.

Music... Is a powerful thing. Despite the rampaging emotions I’d felt as I found out what had happened to you today, I- I kept playing. It grounded me. It helped me.

Diana, you once told me I was your light.

And you know I’ve told you already. That you’ve been MINE.

Diana. This video might look incredibly shaky and chaotic.

But please forgive me for that, and know that it is because I’m running with all my might to find out where you are. I got a hint for the hospital you might have been taken too.

It kinda seems like I’m a stalker now, huh?

I’m sorry. I just... I-

I can’t say goodbye to you....

Not just yet...

I still... have a song for you.

So... wait for me?”]

//-//-//-//-//

Eyes blink, bright white melting into color. They scan the room, looking for hints to identify her location.

Her body aches, her chest hurts. Her throat is parched. Her head is throbbing.

What is that annoying beeping sound-

Ah. Of course.

The hospital.

Again.

She hates it. She hates the smell of antiseptic and sterile sheets. She hates the taste of badly prepared hospital meals, and too-dry food.

The water has this strange quality to it when you’re in the hospital.

She knows this well.

She hates that she does.

She sighs, sinking into her pillows. At least those are comfortable.

Ugh.

What bad timing, really. For an attack.

She was supposed to move out today. She was supposed to meet with her aunt- who actually has probably met up with her by now, seeing as Diana is in a hospital and her usual alert device seems to be charging within reach beside her. Also she sees Daryl’s purse on the seat.

Maybe the woman had gone out temporarily for something important.

That was fine.

It just meant Diana was left alone again. If only for a short while.

...Alone, huh.

These past two months, she hadn’t been that.

All because of one girl, one Atsuko Kagari that she’d met by chance through a piano and through a wall. The sound quite literally carrying over through a wall.

Diana can’t believe she used to be so skeptical of thin-walled living spaces, wondering how people kept their privacy.

Now, however, she feels blessed that that was the case.

Else she’d never have met... her light.

That’s right.

When everything, her vision, her hopes, her heart had steadily been dying out, through her dim came a glow. That glow was the connection she’d found through her neighbor across a wall.

It had surprised her the first time she realized someone was playing alongside her one sunset session, months ago. She would have thought it creepy had the person’s music been any less captivating.

There were just so many colors in the music, there was just so much warmth. It sounded a little rough, a few hinges rusty at first; but it came along after a few pseudo duets, and then Diana had found these duets to be a staple in her life.

Then she met Akko for the first time, and more warmth and color came into her life.

Diana found herself enjoying the musical conversations they had, intrigued by thoughts that they were actually able to communicate in that way and understand one another to that extent, no words attached.

And she enjoyed these nonverbal bonding moments.

But when they actually wrote to one another, or when they’d have their short greetings when they’d meet up in the hall, Diana found herself wanting to draw even closer, to get to know Akko even more.

And when Akko asked if she could do the same, Diana had found it so easy to open up.

She’d loved to know even more about the girl.

But how would she do it now?

They didn’t have the chance to exchange numbers, and Diana was probably moving as soon as she left the hospital. Her things were already being shipped to her new home, after all. There wasn’t much reason to return to her apartment, really.

“Idiot. Stupid, Diana. Not asking her sooner. What are you supposed to do no-”

Two knocks on her door.

It doesn’t open right away. It doesn’t seem to open at all.

Diana deduces it’s not a doctor or nurse then. And it might not be Daryl either because the woman would have already called the attending nurse to open the door already.

So then, who could it be?

Diana tries not to let her mind wander and get her hopes up, because there is no way- just no way- it’s who she hopes it will be.

The door opens, and her breath is unexpectedly bated- and she releases it, seeing it’s just the janitor.

Trying not to let disappointment leak into her tone, she greets him a good mor-

“I’m glad... I was right.... hah... hah... You’re here... Diana.”

And Diana really shouldn’t just assume things such as being wrong, and that maybe her neighbor was a creep two months back.

Because now her neighbor, all frazzled, sweaty, and out of breath, is right there in front of her, a bunch of papers crumpled in one hand as the other is held over her heart, trying to calm herself.

“You... hah... didn’t let m-me... Sa-ha-y goodbye... so... you’re not allowed... to leave me waiting in silence and never respond...” Akko huffs. “There’s no more wall preventing you from using words now.”

Her breathing finally slows, and she manages to look up.

“I still have a song for you, after all.”

Diana doesn’t realize, nor does she feel the tears flowing down her face.

Akko doesn’t either.

“L-Let me know what you think... It’s my first song and all...” She becomes this shy blushing school girl as she approaches Diana’s bedside, awkwardly handing over the worn pieces of paper, all wrinkled up from whatever adventure Akko had been on prior to arriving here. “... then maybe we could play a duet again or something...”

She mumbles it so quietly Diana almost didn’t catch it.

She smiles.

She doesn’t think about the reality that was supposed to occur today had she not been taken to the hospital.

Virtual duets aren’t really her thing. She much prefers hearing sound in person, in real-time. She prefers the ability to adapt and adjust to play alongside someone; to feel expression and emotion first hand; to experience a duet in full.

So it’s a simple reply that she has ready, along with a smile on her face as she takes Akko’s hand in hers.

“I’d love that.”

 //-//-//-//-//

 Diana has told her many times that it’s thanks to her that she was able to recover as quickly as she did, and be out of the hospital in only a week.

Akko sheepishly denies that every time.

They’re both just glad things seem to settle to be alright now.

Diana leans her head against Akko’s shoulder as they share a pair of earphones, listening to the composition play on the latter’s laptop.

“I love it.”

“I know. You’ve told me that the past 4 months, everyday.”

“And I will continue to.”

Akko tries her best to hide the smile that had grown on her face, but it’s impossible. It comes out in laughs and a few soft tears, and she rubs her head against Diana’s.

“You have all the time to, it seems.”

“Yes, and I won’t waste it.” Diana quips, turning her head up to look at Akko with the tenderest of smiles. “Care to play?”

Akko simply smiles, before wrapping Diana up in a hug so deep, and warm, and tender. Without a word, she stands them both up, walking them over to two keyboards now positioned side-by-side.

They take seat. With eyes meeting, and a small nod, they begin.

They don’t need words to figure out the rhythm they’ll fall into, or what they should do, or who plays what part for today.

Akko’s colors seep out, her warmth embedded in her music. Diana’s expressive emotions tell Akko all she needs to know, and they play in harmony.

Together, they tell a story.

A story that began with a sunset and a few familiar notes from a piano.

A story about its music and what lay beyond a wall.

A story once called, “Diana”.

Now,

“Diana and Akko”.

  A/N: ....  Hrmmm... I didn’t like how i ended it, tbh,,, hahaha. I just... lost my thought process now. I’m tired and lost.

Anyway.

Based off this story

The follow-up to this won’t be now, or anytime too soon. Or tbh, I could just end it like this. But there’s this ache in my heart that wants to know what happens next as well. Or more things such as how Diana ended up staying. But well,

...who knows.

Bye for now.

~Shintori Khazumi

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[thexhostess]

Badly Written Notes on Tricky Business for 🤎kaye

SPOILERS | PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED Tricky Business | SPOILERS

🎶 Hey I heard you're a wild one...🎶

- Actually love this song, it now gives me Matt fluffy angsty vibes.

Piss off Rick we need Matt!

Wow, Brutal.

Another tune, Holy shit! 😳😲😳 (Not sure what that was now.)

His hair when he takes his glasses off ahhh!

The way he says 'Hey' to Lily asdgahsgfashgdf I had to rewind it 5 times.

It's the teeth omg!! Homelander smile!? (Yes, scruffy casual AU Homelander. You can see it in his interactions with Rick.)

AHH!!! The kiss! No, no no no no! and keeps holding her close for 'work reasons'. Swoon!

The hand on knee in the car, I screamed lol

When he's describing his perfect partner. 🥺

Omg ep 5 the bar scene...aHHH

The burgundy shirt...🤤🤤🤤

Yesssss, the bikini wax is for Matt!

You don't need enhancements. (Oh Matt! Babe I'm yours. No further questions.)

When he's trying to ask her on a date, he's so cute. And then 'Did I just knock back a date with you? 'Dunno did ya?' I really felt that..That hurt! look at his face!

Designer stubble and a blue shirt. 💙 Rolled up sleeves!

That's the sleepy sofa Matt/AU Homelander you meant! Ah so cute!

JFC that suit and the unbuttoned shirts.

THIS FUCKING BLACK SHIRT! Kill me now! the end of episode 8!! The way he places that hand on her waist/ the way he draws her in gently, and how he softly says 'I will, if you want me to.' I'm hyperventilating!!!

Episode 9 - You' don't give up do you? Nope! Not till I get what I want.' Jesus!

Threatening the professor, so hot (not the professor obvs.) Also the outfit! 🤤The way he slides his hands in to his jeans pockets I DROOL!

Me watching any Matt scene :

Then...

After a while...

E10 - The smiles he keeps flashing. He is a cheeky mf.

Is the friend thing working for you/me?' NO IT'S NOT WORKING FOR ME! 😤🥺

The Shower. 😨

The easy part's done.' 😈 I can't be the only one thinking the hard part's left to do. I mean...it was implied yes? It's that mf smile he does again. COZ HES NAKED OUT OF THE SHOWER!!!! Fuckin' fuck! 😰

'I'm right here. ' 😭😭😭

Obvs that was such a buzz kill. FFS Rick! To just come in and then sit down.

He's the sweetest! The corsage..

E 12 - Omg it's the bearing of teeth and the growl accompanied by turning away. It's the Homelander rage reaction. THAT GROWL! 🥵

30 min 32 looking over his shoulder.

E13 - I need my beauty sleep.

'I don't think so.' *gives sexy eye* I spit my tea out.

Please GIF 15:36??

You actual bitch who does she think she is? She cheated on him?!

The last few mins of E13....

He's waiting for you to say something! To choose him!! Girl!! But you insult him asfjhasgdhfsah!!

'TO FIND BEARS TO FIGHT' 😭😭😭😭😭😭

@kayemagistro 😱 💙 🤎 📞

[yarrowleef]

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well.  (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK)  Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.  

 But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

 any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that. 

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

[myworldofbooks]

Some late thoughts on ACOTAR on my first read through: Part 3

Master List

WARNING! spoiler heavy for those that havnt read the series....

Ok so I should have mentioned this in the previous update but I didn't coz it was just becoming a full on essay! 🤣

But realising that Elain only thinks about planting veg when her family is no longer starving.... Wow girl wow... I don't know what to say about that too much... Like mmm... tbf Feyre is a little to blame for it too coz she used to buy her flower seeds rather then veg BUT I feel like she probably would have had a little tantrum if Feyre had done that too 😂

Ok so I've just finished the book now and I've been writing this as I've read each section so your literally seeing my thoughts as the chapters are read... ok here you go....

Ok so lets talk about Rhysand.... Ok ok so the whole painted situation and everything.... like I felt for Feyre being put so much on display as a pet thing to be played with and being used a bit to torture Tamlin... poor baby Tamlin.. like having to keep so neutral and try not to react coz tbh I have a feeling if he did Amarantha would just kill Feyre... Ok so back to Rhys... But then like he doesn't touch her anywhere too inappropriate, like yes her hips and arms but like it seems that it was just a showy way yano like putting on a display for people... Ok I get he likes her and stuff but he could have had his way with her if he truly wanted so... He is quickly becoming a favourite character of mine and my previous assumption of him having a thing for Feyre well.... Ok so second task and he LITERALLY does it for her, basically saving her and Lucien's life? Like omg you sweet little creature!!! And then the whole scenario where he basically saves tamlins ass for ruining the paint on Feyre... But let's be honest he REALLY wanted to kiss her anyways! 😜

Ok so the whole scene in Feyre's cell where he basically explains everything and Poor's his heart out to her even tho she was lucid to remember!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Omg! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 He's cute! And a softie! And 🥺🥺

OMG TASK 3 FUCK! Ok so I'm so glad Feyre figured it out but when the hood came off and it was TAMLIN 😭😭😭😭 I was shook! I was like oh shit what's gonna happen she can't do it!! But then she figured it out and all hell broke loose and I was like NO it can't happen like this and then RHYS! FUCK!! 😭😭😭 And knowing how SJM writes I'm gonna go with 'the bond' that was felt is significant and only ones I've heard of from tog obvs are mating bonds.. although caranaam too but not sure how that could be a thing for them so mating bond is my assumption... I'm even more convinced it is by the goodbye Rhys and Feyre had at the mountain when he was shocked about something!!! IT HAS TO BE!! SURELY!!!! and if that's the case OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG but how does it work??? Like she's human? And she loves Tamlin? And there's rivalry between Rhys and Tamlin?? Omg I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!!!!!

I love how when she died she was seeing herself through Rhys's eyes and all that and then what the high fae did bringing her back to life!!! AND OMG FEYRE IS NOW HIGH FEY!!!!!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!!!! I like it was tho! It'll be fun to see how she adjusts and explores how the fae body is different to her human one! But that'll obvs happen in the next book!

THANK FUCK AMARANTHA IS DEAD!!!! I have no idea what I would have done if she hadn't been killed! Although Im hoping something isn't gonna happen with jurians bone and eye missing..... Suspicious.... 🧐

And Lucien is a cutie pie that is Hella devoted to Tamlin and they have a proper brotherly relationship and I love it!!!

Also I loved the cute happy ending but I just know it's not gonna last coz like she is a mess let's be honest!!! Seeing Alis playing with her boys and Lucien being all domestic 🥰🥰🥰 love it! But yeah Feyre has some struggles ahead!

Ok so it's a bit of an essay so apologies! But I'm really enjoying writing these and am defo gonna carry on!

[hajimeow-archived]

Yo Hajime talk abt ur kin mems

since there were no specifications on which ones i am going to start from the beginning and go where my brain takes me from there. they're all gonna be for hajime bc i physically cannot think about my other memories anymore jsyk

also! this ended up being so long i had to put a cut. i will not be apologizing because i feel no remorse.

so first the basic stuff, i remember having a med skin tone and a FUCK ton of freckles like those motherfuckers were everywhere i had skin. also i was 5'7 i think?? or 5'6. i still can't remember exactly but it's something like that. i was also alloaro, some form of mlm, unfortunately cis, and autistic and probably had some other stuff like adhd or depression or whatever but i forgot. also i was kinda muscle-y but also chubby at the same time. and i had light green eyes. basically i was fanon hajime JSJSKDJDKS

and i was going over the wiki recently and my personality was EXACTLY how they described it like i'm genuinely surprised they got it so accurate

i don't remember much pre-game and post game, most of my memories are in game but i do remember pre game chiaki really well, honestly i rly miss her :( she would always reassure me that i didn't need a talent and i never even cared when she beat me in games cus just simply playing them with her was so fun .,.,,;:,,...,,!:&:&:jsjdjskskck</3

anyways. in game. ok. i'm gonna skip over memories where i just know feelings and not specific things like strong feelings or ppl saying stuff or else this would be so long. also obvious sdr2 spoilers

so i remember the party & blackout in the beginning of the game pretty clearly. i was mostly just standing alone in the corner and watching everyone have fun, but it was really freeing to see the others able to enjoy themselves in such pressing circumstances. then the blackout-- it was kinda like all that happiness going away and the dread and denial immediately setting in .

anyways i remember like panicking and wanting to cry when i lifted the table cloth cus i really liked twogami. i'm p sure i did end up crying cus i really liked them for their realism and leadership skills, and the realization that one of us killed them and that the killing game was actually real etc etc

anyway i don't remember much from the investigation or trial besides being really freaked out when nagito basically admitted to being the killer n stuff, and pretty much all the body discoveries after that (besides ch 5) we're just like "ah shit here we go again" but i do remember mikans trial really freaking me out when she just straight up shifted completely, and i also remember being really proud of fuyuhiko for putting his walls down a bit and deciding to help everyone out while the despair disease was going around

anyway enough of the boring stuff, i spent basically all my free time with komaeda, chiaki and mikan (in order of frequency) and with mikan i mostly listened to her talk about medical stuff and i comforted her when she needed to vent, but i didn't hang out with her much because the constant apologizing n stuff started to bother me since i really liked seeing her happy. chiaki i would mostly play games with and we wouldn't talk much, but she gave me a really strong sense of familiarity like when we played games together it gave me a shit ton of deja vu

AND i've already talked a lot about komaeda but idc i'm doing it again. so we started talking cus of him waking me up on the beach obvs and i was pretty attached right off the bat, but i stopped talking to him for awhile because the way he acted in the first trial REALLY scared me so i just got a pit in my stomach even being around him

but he was the one who started approaching me first, i'm guessing since he couldn't rly sense anything was wrong he just kinda picked things up where they left off and started talking w me at breakfast n stuff and it was pretty weird at first, but i wanted to give him a chance and didn't wanna be rude so i accepted offers to hang out in his cottage n stuff

i remember he has surgery scars tho and i'm rly mad ppl don't draw him with any!! i think he had about 5 and i don't remember all of them but i know one was a skin graft on his leg and the one on his side/stomach that i touched wassssss for appendix removal maybe???? mmmm i'm not too sure about that one tho

also !!!! his death. hoooooly shit. ok so yunno the despair that junko always talks about ?????? yeah <3!! i remember like once i saw his body and took the reality in i just. straight up could NOT stand i like fell to my knees and jsut . cried. like i had no thoughts my head was so full that it was empty i just kinda sat there and silent cried while chiaki stood next to me it was so awful dude

later while investigating n stuff i felt really bad ab how i treated him and thought about him, and i thought a lot about our last interaction. it was the first time i had ever approached him myself cus usually he'd come to me. i was gonna hang out with chiaki but i wanted to check up on him first, so i did and he told me to go hang out with the others and i just. knew something terrible was about to happen.

OH AND THE FUNHOUSE OMG ok i literally. i usually didn't mind being around komaeda like he was chill most of the time when he wasn't ranting about hope but when he was acting like such a bitch in the funhouse i wanted to punch his stupid twink ass so bad like...... what BUSINESS does this dude have being such an asshole. he doesn't even know what face wash is. what the fuck. which is another fun fact! komaeda did shower every so often which is why he didn't smell that bad but his skin was always so dry cus he didn't know how to actually wash right and do proper skincare so he just washed his face w soap and left it like that

also he didn't need to cut his nails cus they were so brittle they would just break off on their own <3 plus he had a nail biting habit so they just never grew ever

OH AND THIS IS THE SADDEST THING i remember feeling so bad for this man bc i would like put my hand on his shoulder and he would lean into it. i mean i'd tap his shoulder for a SECOND and girl when i let go hed be lowkey so sad i could just sense it like??????dude he needed a hug SSO BAD like when i hugged him in my cuddling memory he was like holding on for dear life but also was like "u dOnT hAvE tO tOuCh TrAsH LiKe mE hAjImE" like dude it was the saddest shit. i want to hug him forever. like what the fuck what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

also a thing hed do when he started ranting ab hope n shit like he would just go on and on and yunno that one sprite where he's hugging himself yeah he literally did that shit. also sometimes hed just stare dead at me and start backing me into a corner ((ish-- we were usually sitting somewhere but he mostly just got super close to me) and it was the scariest shit i. bro if i saw him like that on the streets i'd return him to the mental hospital like i can remember it somewhat vividly and that shit was TERRIFYING i mean obvs after i shoved him away and told him to cool it he'd apologize and go back to the way he was but jeez dude ....

also a little fun fact the only reason i really kept hanging out with him (i had a few ofc but this was the most prominent) is cus he was hot in my stupid monkey brain. yes that's it. like that's literally pretty much it. i hate admitting it but this post is SO fucking long i doubt anyone's gonna read it anyway so i'm admitting it now lol

anyway i hope u enjoyed :) i'm glad u asked btw! i'm sure you regret it though!