#and his dad is a fucking dentist

[trashm0uth]

thinking abt 15 yr old richie tozier w braces who complains abt his braces every single day until the day he gets them removed at 17/18 and when he sees the losers after, he proudly announces that his war is over and he's a free man and he's smiling so big to show off his teeth :/

[offensiveslur]

The other day i clenched my jaw so hard that my tooth bleed

[bisaster-energy]

just got home and because my parents decided that their problems are my problems im living in actual hell

[bugunlikeanangel]

it kinda makes me feel nice and fuzzy and full circle, the fact that my boyfriend asked me today if it was ok for him to call me my old name. my chinese name. that i went by in childhood. since i knew him and his family when i was a little kid in primary school, thats the name they all knew me by

[this-doesnt-endd]

I feel like im going insane here like im looking at average costs for dental procedures. Using out of pocket prices and doing the math based on what percentage my insurance covers of that procedure using that higher average cost and including if i had to meet my deductible every single time i got anything im still getting dramatically lower prices like i have no idea where tf the prices on my treatment plan are coming from

[sadandyetverysexy]

Dp x Dc au: Normal is Good

Okay so hear me out— i see lots of “you can’t control Danny he’s a wild child” premises and like, I agree, I love that, but JUST hear me out. Danny who is just entranced by being treated like a NORMAL KID.

I think for best results this should be done with de-aged Danny so he’s a bit younger, but it can def work with regular Danny too.

Danny winds up running around Gotham for one reason or another doing INSANE SHIT to try and help or just survive and his family is out of the way. The explosion, Bad Fentons, etc— and one of the bats picks up Danny. This can be a dad!Jason, or dad!Dick, or classic Bruce Adoption. But they see this little shit running around and are like “no fucking way, not on my watch you little maniac”

Now, a lot of people use the “Jazz practically raised Danny” card, and I love that card and fully support it, but she was also a kid. With no other parents to consult. Who was raised by the Fentons originally and def has no clue what normal parents are like. So she probably didn’t exactly measure up to how a kid is MEANT to be raised. So Danny still had an incredibly strange childhood that just was Not Normal, but I feel like we see Danny with a deep desire to be normal. He doesn’t even really like being a superhero that much, he just wanted to be a kid.

So he gets bat adopted, and Danny is just functioning how he did growing up with the Fentons, which is No Restrictions Do What You Want. And then his bat dad (using Jason for this) is like “No. It’s Bed Time.” And Danny. Danny is ALL for that. He’s bewildered. Mystified. He’s not grumpy about being told what to do at ALL, because he’s just so shocked.

“You’re serious? You’re fucking dead-ass serious? It’s bed time? Oh my god this is so cool. I’ve never had a bed time before! This is great!” Because this is the first time he’s EVER been treated like a normal child by a parental figure. He just got sent to bed. Wow.

Having a parent who is in charge of keeping him healthy and actually enforces Danny taking care of himself is kind of cool.

“Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.” And they won’t try to eat him back? Fuck yeah, he’ll eat his vegetables!

“No you aren’t allowed to go out at 2 in the morning, go back to bed, you have a doctors appointment for your yearly checkup tomorrow.” oh ancients, Danny has always heard other kids complain about not being allowed out at night, but to have himself told he can’t? This is so weird. And he’s never been to a yearly check up before!

“Brush your teeth before bed” “I can’t get cavities, I’m dead!” “Ya know, for some reason I don’t believe you. When was the last time you went to the dentist? Are you sure you can’t get them?” Danny has 7 cavities.

The first time Danny gets to actually use the “my dad said No” excuse, he is ECSTATIC. Jack and Maddie have LITERALLY never told him he can’t go out somewhere. Ever. He’s in a whole new world where he doesn’t have to fight ghosts, or be a hero, or anything and he loves it. He has a normal kids room without deadly weapons in it and normal kid hobbies and a fridge full of normal food and a parent who enforces a bed time, and it’s weird as hell and it’s great. Normal is pretty damn good, he has no clue what Sam and Tucker were always complaining about. Shits sweet.

[sleepknoot]

I think I have a cavity and I'm very fucking distressed.

[butt-puncher]

.

[webslingingslasher]

can u tell us more ab peters first time? or is that a secret😢

how about his first kiss? :’))))

peter's first time will be in the cherry series. (described)

first kiss? yeah, i gotchu.

your fingers tap on peter's skin, his chest is slightly sticky from dried sweat. 'when did you have your first kiss?'

his thumbs graze down your arms, 'first kiss or first real kiss?' you lightly kiss his bicep, 'both?' peter takes a deep breath as he retells the story, you close your eyes and try to picture it yourself.

'i was in the fifth grade and i had this wicked crush on julie thompson. somehow her friends found out and told her and she met me at the bus stop after school, and i thought i was hot shit because her dad always picked her up- but she told me that she could 'obviously' never date me-'

julie thompson was a fifth grader and you'd beat her ass.

'but she was very flattered and said she had something for me. she told me to close my eyes and i was expecting like a note or something but nope, she kissed me.' you can hear the smile in his voice when he says it. you don't blame him, it's a mostly cute story and it's juvenile.

'then she told me that i would always be her first kiss but i could never tell anybody. i never did. well, until right now. and my first real kiss was in high school, her name was lauren gravy- yes, i said gravy- and she was in the marching band. she asked if i wanted to see something she learned at bandcamp over the summer and i said sure and she fucking stuck her tongue down my throat. i was so scared.'

'you were scared?' you can't help the small fit of laughter. peter clicks his tongue, 'no, c'mere.' peter not so nicely cups your face and tugs it to his, 'wanna see something i learned at band camp?' he's reenacting it.

'sure.' you make a muffled scream and smack his shoulder, he's not exaggerating, it is scary. 'yeah, not so funny now, is it?'

'was she at least hot?'

peter nods confidently. 'fucking smoke show. but i never went around her again. i hope she got better at it.' well, if all he had to go off of was a pity kiss and a slobbery one he became pretty damn good at it.

'how'd you get so good at kissing?'

peter snorts, 'cause i had a girlfr-' peter catches himself, 'cause i had a girl teach me. some other girl from high school, nothing important.'

'my first kiss was brad allen and he was missing a front tooth. he ditched me on our first date for a pig farmers daughter.'

'that's so bold of you to share. you wouldn't be able to boil that information out of me.'

'he lost it playing lacrosse but his dad was a dentist so i don't know why he never got it fixed.' peter pushes your head back down to his chest. 'i think we should take a nap.'

'if you lost a front tooth i'd still kiss you.'

'can't hear you. i'm sleeping.' 

[morganbritton132]

obsessed w this new saga with David and the other teachers.... perhaps them either coming over again for a small party - "it's mostly family!!" Hence being even more confused when even MORE famous people show up (THAT'S brony Erica???)

I’m picturing the same cookout from this post.

There are three new eighth grade teachers this year. Including David, there is Marissa and Jordan. Then there is Kathy, who has been at the school for two years. They are all trying to figure out what is going on with Steve Harrington.

The man is a complete mystery.

He’s a walking contradiction in a math pun sweatshirt and he is often the topic of conversation when the four of them are alone in the breakroom. Jordan describes him as ‘onion-like’ because he has many layers and Marissa always replies with, ‘yeah, a fucked up alien onion where each new layer is weirder than the last.’

It’s a bit cruel but also, they found an article about Starcourt Mall.

Who is just in a fire? Who saves a bunch of children from a structure fire that collapsed on top of them and doesn’t make it their whole personality for the rest of forever? Who just never mentions it ever?

Steve Harrington, apparently.

After David (and Kathy) left Steve’s house more confused about the mild-mannered math teacher than ever, he went home and googled ‘Eddie Harrington.’ All he found was a link to a Facebook page for some dentist.

So, like, who the hell is he even married to, right? The guy has a Grammy but not a Wikipedia page? What’s up with that?

All David knows is that when Anita (the teacher that’s probably closest to Steve) invites everybody over for a cookout and says that your partners are more than welcomed, he’s going. When Steve asks if it’d be okay if Erica stopped by on her way to the airport and Anita said yes, he’s definitely going.

He is not going to miss the opportunity to see the kid that gave her dad psychic damage by introducing him to the fucked up parts of the My Little Pony fandom. No way.

Kathy informs everybody that she will NOT be bringing her husband, but she will bring booze.

David arrives too early and ends up helping in the kitchen. He’s slicing up tomatoes with the world’s dullest knife when Steve gets there. He can’t see the front door, but he can hear Anita ask, “Oh, where’s your service doggie?”

“It’s his day off,” He hears Steve joke, “Brought the human instead.”

And then David hears the man of mystery’s man of mystery himself because Eddie says with 100% impulsive thinking and 0% brain-to-mouth filter, “Yeah, he brought his service top instead.”

David just knows that Steve is giving Eddie the same dead-eyed look of unbelievable that is reserved for students that mix their chocolate milk with peas and dare each other to drink it in the silence that follows. Anita, bless her heart, replies as happy and clueless as can be, “Oh, that’s cute. Because you provide a top-notch service.”

“Never had any compl- ow!”

The first time David gets a good look at them, Eddie’s pressed up against Steve’s back, looking over his shoulder at the pictures of Anita’s grandkids she has on her phone. One of his hands is wrapped loosely around his waist and Steve is holding the other one, fiddling with the rings on it. They look so casual, like they’re always standing that close together.

David watches as Anita points in the direction of the drinks cooler and Eddie slips away with a kiss to the side of Steve’s neck and then another to his cheek. They hold hands until they absolutely have to let go. It’s cute. Marissa, next to him, scoffs and says, “Gag me with a spoon, they’re fucking adorable.”

Eddie returns to Steve with two beers and a Smirnoff Ice for Anita, gets another kiss and clearly calls Steve ‘sweetie’ when he clinks their bottles together. Steve throws his arm across Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie tucks his hand into Steve’s back pocket like it’s the most casual thing in the world.

David loses track of Steve and Eddie for a while, catching them in his peripheral as he mingles with everybody. He seems them steal a kiss. He sees them laughing at something Kathy says. He sees them holding hands as Eddie looks utterly lost during a discussion of the baseball season.

At one point, he sees Eddie stand up on the bench of the picnic table and get yanked down by Steve. They’re both laughing and Steve gives him a kiss that is not exactly chaste.

Cindy rolls her eyes at them and says that they’re always like that.

Him and Jordan are playing cornhole against Steve and Eddie. He’s almost positive that Eddie is not as bad at the game as he’s pretending to be, but just likes when ‘Stevie baby’ guides him through how to throw the beanbags. If it wasn’t for Steve excusing himself than he probably wouldn’t have noticed the big SUV parked in the driveway.

His first thought when he sees Erica is ‘oh, she must be adopted’ followed immediately by ‘wait, duh’ and then by ‘hey, wait a minute.’

Steve gets stopped by her bodyguard before he can hug her with a big threatening hand on his shoulder. David’s still trying to figure out why she looks so familiar when Erica says to the bodyguard, “Uh, excuse you. Do not touch him. He was my first bodyguard, have some respect.”

Steve scoffs, “I was your babysitter.”

“I’m sorry,” Erica says, full of sass. Eddie is a couple steps back, grinning ear to ear. He loves when Erica and Steve get into it. “Did you bleed for me? Did you fight for me? Did you, Steve Harrington, get tortured so I made it out safe? I think so. Bodyguard.”

Eddie finally greets her with a bow, “Lady Applejack.”

Erica gives him a flat look and tells her bodyguard, “You can tase that one.”

David is still reeling from the words ‘babysitter’ and ‘torture’ that he probably would’ve missed Marissa in his ear if she wasn’t so goddamn loud, “Holy shit, that’s a fucking US Senator.”

Jordan is quieter when she mutters, “Language.”

Later in the evening when the sun is starting to set and they should all really go home and prep their lesson plans for next week, Anita’s husband lights a bonfire. David is sitting across from the fire from Steve and Eddie and he so tempted to ask what Eddie does for a living when Steve whispers something to him and then stands up quickly.

He can’t even ask what that was about because Eddie gets up and follows him, almost matching Steve’s quick steps into the house. They’re gone for a while, long enough that David gets up to check on Steve. He looked pretty pale when he rushed out of here.

He’s halfway up the stairs when he hears them, and he stops. Steve sounds tired but reassuring as he repeats, “I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m fine now.”

He hears Eddie respond with, “I know, baby. I know, but rest with me for a minute, kay?”

When he pokes his head around the turn in the staircase, he can see the bottom of Steve’s Nikes hanging over the top landing. He can also see the bottom of Eddie’s boots where he’s crouched over Steve. His first reaction is to think he stumbled on them in a compromising position, but he can’t bring himself to move just yet.

“You just had a seizure, take your time getting your bearings, sweetheart. Do you wanna go home?” Eddie asks in a cacophony of jingling metal rings and chains. Steve makes a noise that Eddie interprets, “Okay, do you want me to give you space?”

“No, come –“ The sound of metal clinking together doesn’t get louder, just more and when David pokes his head around the corner again, Eddie is straddled across Steve’s lap. Steve’s hands are on his hips and then higher, pushing up Eddie’s shirt clumsily just feeling him. “Feel floaty.”

“I’ll keep you grounded, baby.”

David knows he should leave, or at least looks away, but he stuck frozen to the floor at the sight of the scar tissue running up Eddie’s sides and back. They’re deep and jagged, and old. It looks like he was torn open and sewed back shut, and it takes David a long time to get his feet to go back down the stairs.

He goes back out to the fire a little dazed and later, it’s only Eddie that returns. He whispers something to Anita and then disappears into the night.

When Cindy makes a comment about Steve leaving without a proper goodbye, David tells her to shut up.

[nhularin]

icky! series (1/7) HES COOL! BUT......

OR : three things that make you question your relationship

Choose your member❕ ⌨️ loading. . .HEESEUNG 💢

jay - jake - sunghoon - sunoo - jungwon - Niki LIBRARY

GENRE established relationship, crack hcs WARNINGS none

!! CANT COOK

Mark lee actually wrote the egg part with heeseung in mind

because homeboy would burn HARD BOILED eggs and risk the lives of six innocent boys

Even jay cant help him

(he actually cries himself to sleep every night out of frustration)

The only dish he cant fuck up though are jin ramen!

The cup version tho

His sodium level is concerning but at least he can feed himself.

Call gordon ramsey!

!! HIS PHONE IS ALWAYS AT MAX VOLUME

Shit is louder than a dad in traffic!

Dnd does not exist in hee's vocabulary and you're already used to the constant pings of notifications, them being mostly from his group members.

I You don't really mind them though, since his attention is always on you.

But shit gets really annoying when you guys are laying in bed and all you hear is a loud TASTY! and SODALICIOUS!

his screen is bright as fuck too, its like getting blinded at the dentist

nd hes confused why you reject his cuddles 🤦🏻‍♀️

lower your damn volume gramps!

!! MESSY BOY

he has piles of dirty laundry and soda cans scattered around his room and can't be bothered to clean them up.

He denies it but you swear you saw a roach emerging from his trash can

Just imagine a hot domestic seungie sitting at his desk

playing his newest video game while red bull cans are stacked up left and right

All you need is a ball and you have an at home bowling alley.

When he thinks its getting a little extreme, he just shoves his clothes into his closet (yikes!)

✰ haew0nz 2023

꩜ NETWORKS @k-labels @hyfenet @kflixnet

[kraviolis]

i keep seeing ppl in the notes on my camila post being all like "dont drag greg universe he was a great dad" which yeah, he was! i'd never argue against that. he did so good with what he had, but i would not say that greg was ever as involved in steven's life as much as he should have been.

the mr. universe episode in SU:F is proof of this. greg had helicopter parents that micromanaged him, so greg did what anyone would: he raised steven in the exact opposite way. is that a bad thing? depends on how you look at it. let me explain my perception:

steven grew up with so much freedom. he was allowed to eat what he wanted, dress himself how he wanted, go where he wanted, and do what he wanted. greg gave steven everything he never had growing up, but in doing so he deprived steven of everything he did have as a kid.

the reason steven clings to tightly to routines, schedules, specific diets & mealtimes, work, academics, etc. is because he did not have access to these things as a child. do you know how important routine is for a growing child? steven didn't even have a specific bedtime as a child. that shit absolutely fucks with your entire circadian rhythm later in life.

to be fair, i believe greg did the right thing with keeping steven out of public school. he wouldn't have thrived in that environment at all and it wouldve done more harm than good and greg did a great job making sure that steven wasnt too emotionally or socially stunted from this choice.

but everything else... the no doctor appts, no dentists, no bedtime, no mealtimes, no private bedroom, no supervision for like 80% of the time-- like, greg didn't even homeschool steven beyond third grade, probably.

greg was a good man for getting over his anxiety around magic/gem stuff enough to allow steven be so heavily involved in it. he recognized that steven needed to integrate with gem stuff to have that connection to his mother. i will never argue that greg should've sheltered steven more. he raised a good fucking kid. and without steven's involvement, the earth would've literally been destroyed.

but here's the problem. greg was more worried about being like his parents than he was of the effects this shit would have on steven's life. he made steven feel like he had to choose between two worlds. like he wasn't allowed to be both gem and human because greg would flinch and look away from steven's powers.

i do not blame him. he's only human and hindsight is a bitch. but we cannot deny that greg did in fact neglect steven by not being more involved with steven's life as a gem.

was greg a bad father? no. not at all. he made mistakes. all parents do. but greg often and actively refused to be involved in such a major part of steven's life. even if we factor in that the crystal gems themselves made him feel unwelcome, it still doesn't ever excuse it.

[virgincels]

HAII something im never gonna finish again sorry it’s not leon

tags - sex work, fem!reader, daddy/daughter incest

You pluck a crumpled dollar out of your bra, straighten it out and lay it flat on your dad’s desk, shimmying out of your hotpants as a few more notes curled up beneath the waistband flutter to the ground. It’s honest work what you and your dad do, fucking is easy, you’ve always liked the taste of dick.

“Baby,” Dante starts, an uneasy look on his face, “That’s not great.”

Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you lean over the desk to jab a red nail into his chest, “Guys are stingy.” He of all people should know that. “What did you get?”

He grins real big, like he hit the jackpot, lifts his hips slightly so he can reach into his back pocket. Then he pulls out a few nickels - your face falls fast.

“You’re joking, dad.” Your bottom lip juts out, sick of showering in cold water, or side by side with your dad who’s shoulder width spans the entirety of the shower cubicle. Knocks over the caddy you’ve carefully curated with products Dante’s stolen from upper-class ladies and Patty’s bathroom cabinet alike. And he’s loud, real loud, sings over you in his tone deaf way.

“Course, who’d you think I am?” Dante snickers, pulls out a thick wad of cash, and you clap in delight as he counts it up. He smacks your hand away when you move forward to sneak a few notes - just for drugstore lashes, this pair is beyond saving. How many times can a girl soak the jizz out of ‘em? “Hey, you don’t get any, missy.”

“Seriously? I worked real hard!” Stomping your foot, you skirt around the desk and seat yourself between his spread thighs. “Like really hard, daddy, my knees hurt ‘n look—” You open your mouth wide, corners of your lips splitting with the stretch, you’re used to it by now. Had a face stuffed with cock for most of your life.

“What am I lookin’ at?”

“It’s like fuckin’ bruised back there, dad.” To be completely honest, you gave one dude a discount ‘cause he was awful handsome, and he didn’t handle you so rough. Like a real girl, not a whore.

“I can’t see shit, baby.” Dante wipes a stray droplet of spit from your chin, kisses the top of your head in a way that’s tender for him.

“Dentists can, they can tell if you’ve been sucking dick.” You tell him matter of factly, as if either of you have enough money to see a dentist in the first place.

“Lucky I’m not a dentist then.” He tucks the wad of cash back into his pocket, drops the scrunched up notes you collected in your awaiting palm. “You know you did bad today, baby.”

“Not true, dad.” You make a fist in case he decides to take them back. “Girls just pay more, they’re generous, y’know?”

“Not you though.”

“I don’t have enough to be generous, dad.” You huff, his hand comes to grope your clothed tit, pokes at your nipple through the tricot till it hardens.

“Lashes still on, panties on, hell you’re walkin’ straight - did you even work tonight, baby?” Dante raises your hips slightly, shifts you to his thigh, slotted between your own plush thighs. “Or did you just sit pretty, huh? Made daddy do all the work.”

You stretch out your arm behind you, run your fingers along the fabric of his Henley and lift it slightly, nails scratching over his happy trail, then you cup his dick. “And you’re still hard, dad, did you even try?”

“I’m hard ’cause you’re hot, nothin’ to do with my work.” Dante smiles into the nape of your neck, “Can’t help myself around you, you know that don’t you?”

“Duh, I know you can’t, dad.” You giggle when his stubble tickles your skin, preening and rubbing against you like an oversized housecat, spiky lashes tickling your cheek.

His fingers slip past the waistband of your thong, hooking them underneath and pulling the gusset taut against your throbbing clit. You shiver, skin prickling with the heat of arousal, rolling your hips forward. “Didn’t take care of you did they?”

“No, they’re so selfish.” You shake your head, rest back on his broad chest, a soft sigh falling from your lips, red lipstick long gone, only traces remain.

“I know, baby.” Dante coos, continues to tug your panties upwards, the roughness of the lace scraping your bud. “Only daddy knows how to take care of you, my fussy girl.”

“I’m not fussy, daddy, you’re just better at it.”

[blacktacmopsi]

Rorke HeadCanons: General Things Vol.1

Mmm pre-Fed Rorke. Let's talk about this man before he got brainwashed.

First and foremost, pre-Fed Rorke was as fine as fuck man. Like, total ladies man. You'd drop your panties for him if you saw him waltz into the room wearing his dress blues. Fucking sexy ass beast.

Dude is a high end whisky drinker. Calls other forms of alcohol 'swill'.

Not a loud sneezer. But a serial sneezer. He can't just sneeze once. It's like five back to back.

Has a thing for films made during the golden years of Hollywood. "I sooo could have got Hedy Lamar if I lived back then."

Prematurely went bald. Didn't care, still fine as fuck.

Rorke is actually a pretty smart man. He has both book smarts and street smarts. He really likes history and can tell you some of the most obscure tid bits of info about US presidents.

He also possesses a weird knowledge over illicit things like money laundering. He claims it's from him reading a lot about mobs.

This man will eat a grapefruit for breakfast.

Makes it a point to get his daily eight glasses of water in a day.

He once got a tooth broken on a mission and didn't bother to go to a dentist to deal with it. He pulled the thing out of his mouth on his own.

Was a role model for Merrick. In fact, it was Rorke who instilled a deep sense of loyalty in him. Granted Merrick doesn't take it to the extreme the way Rorke did.

Rorke has an iron stomach. He can tolerate some of the most spicy food on the planet. He can eat a habanero pepper right off the plant.

Total dog person. He likes all dogs. Big & small. He'd be the guy who owns the big scary Rothweiler & the silly funny looking Dachshund.

Pre- Fed Rorke actually was a very caring and deeply emotional man. Though he never really showed it, if you harmed someone he cared about, you'd be in for a world of hurt.

Definitely strikes me as the cool uncle who takes on his nieces and nephews as his own. He likes children and his nieces and nephews like him. Like, I can see him giving them piggy back rides when they're little.

If he had children of his own, he would soooooo be a girl dad. His daughter would be his entire world.

Pre-Fed Rorke would also be the type to hold morale boosting events for the Ghosts. Be it a party or an outing, he wanted to see his men keep in high spirits. "You all are more than mere soldiers to me. You're my brothers. Through & through."

Would be the type to gift the Ghosts an engraved set of brass knuckles as a gift.

[creedslove]

Proving Dave York's marriage wasn't going that great - Equalizer 2

First of all, I'd like to remind you all besties that I'm a Dave York apologist and I will forever defend this man no matter how many atrocities he's done (and were those really atrocities? Debatable) and I have also villainized Carol and I have zero regrets about it, so let's go:

• Exhibit A: The trip to Belgium

Susan and Dave are in a virtual meeting talking about the recent case, she knows shes gonna have to travel all the way to Belgium to investigate and invites Dave, who immediately goes like "and leaving this shitty office?"

But, what if the office isn't really his main problem? What if Dave was also looking forward to leaving the house for a little while? A trip to another country seems refreshing and also the belgium chocolate? Dave's excited... And as a husband and a father of two not once he thinks of bringing his family some chocolate? It's a sign of a stressed man who needs some time on his own

• Exhibit B: the hotel hall

Dave and Susan are going over the evidence they found in the crime scene, gathering hypothesis on what could've happened and Dave says there's no records of the victim cheating on his wife with anyone, not even flirty texts and Susan is like "come on, Dave women fuck around too"

And that's Dave's reaction:

He's like: well....

(also, sorry for the horrible quality of the pic but you besties get the point and also his tummy 🤤)

And then Susan asks him when was the last time Dave sent his wife flowers and all Dave says is: "noted, noted"

So that indicates it has been a long time since Dave has sent her flowers... So the romance is dead, and if the romance is dead so is their sexual life. Was Dave thinking about the possibility of Carol herself fucking around? And let's face it, she probably is

• Exhibit C: the kitchen scene

Commonly used to prove the point that no matter if Dave's an assassin, he's also a good father, the kitchen scene reveals more about his marriage than anything else; we see Dave's got a huge, beautiful house, and then we go to the kitchen. It's spacious, nice, and modern... And messy. One of the kids is whining about grapes and going to the dentist and the other one is doing the homework and Dave and Carol? Absolutely no sign of a loving couple, no pecking on the lips, exchanging glances, a little flirting... Nothing. They are just ignoring each other, Dave's got his cup of coffee and hand and checking his phone as if he's alone.

Then when Carol goes to answer the door, he's giving his youngest daughter attention, he is a good dad, but it isn't a heartwarming interaction between them, and above all, he seems bored, like yeah the kids are cute but he's got more important things to do

And then, when Carol takes a while to come back with McCall, Dave calls her by her name twice, of course he raised his voice because she was in another room and he wanted her to hear him, but it always seemed just so dry and harsh to me and I couldn't exactly figure why it was like that, until I finally got it:

no pet names at all

Seriously?! No darling, honey, baby, sweetheart?! Just a simple dry "CAROL" a couple of times and that's it? It smells like a marriage crisis to me...

• Exhibit D: the driveway scene

The scene where McCall runs into his old team and promises to kill them all; there's enough tension as it is, they all know McCall means business and he is low-key threatening Dave's family by pretending he's so nice and friendly and wanting to get a ride

(I just need to address how dumb and careless is to allow McCall, a man she's never seen in her life get a ride with her and get so cozy around her kids, I mean yeah, he's her husband's army buddy but he's also an old man who also happens to be a complete stranger and he suddenly wants to be around her and her kids, I mean, fuck off)

And Dave knows it's likely one of the last times he's gonna see his family... And what does he do? Does he hug them? Give Carol a peck on the lips? He does NOTHING!!!

So you know what it means? Carol wasn't worthy of her husband, they didn't love each other anymore and Dave would be way better off with me instead 😉🤪

[riordanness]

change - [r.heffley]

1.6K wordcount

warnings: none

requested: no

I never would have guessed that the same day I lost my only friends would be the day I met my new one.

Heather Hills and I had been best friends since second grade. In fifth, Gracie Miller had made our duo a trio, and ever since then we'd been right as anything. Doing everything together, constantly hanging out and sleeping over at each others houses, planning birthday parties together and giggling over boys together.

But this year? Something was different. Heather and Gracie were acting strange. Like, I'd walk up to them while they were talking and they'd get all quiet, real fast. I'd catch them hanging out without me, finding out via social media.

I was trying to ignore the signs, acting as if everything was as it had always been. But I couldn't anymore.

At lunch earlier today, I'd suggested a visit to the mall after school. We hadn't hung out in a while, and I was missing my girls. Sure, we hung out at school everyday, but all the desks were two seater only. I'll leave it to your imagination who was the odd one out.

Besides, I was in desperate need for clothes. My mother had died when I was just a baby, and my dad was always struggling to make ends meet. I had recently grown out of basically all my clothing, so I'd been saving up every scrap of money I could, working odd jobs for all our neighbours, and finally had enough to go on a little shopping trip.

Heather wrinkled her nose. "I have a dentist appointment, and I'm too tired for the mall today."

I nodded. "That's fair. Get a good night's sleep, tonight, yeah?"

She gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Mhm."

I looked at Gracie. "What about you, Cee?"

She hesitated, glanced at Heather, then shook her head. "I- I have a lot of homework I need to catch up on. Sorry."

I smiled. "No worries. We'll find a time to go."

School had finished twenty minutes ago. I'd said goodbye to the girls at the gate, waved as they climbed into Heather's mum's car (Gracie always got a ride home with them as they lived basically next door to each other) and started the fifteen minute walk to the local mall.

Inside, however, I was met with a nasty surprise. Standing together at the smoothie bar, Heather and Gracie were giggling about something, drinks in hand.

I suddenly felt like I had no air. A lump grew in my throat, and I had to fight to not cry. I turn, and storm back outside. I collapse on a park bench a few hundred meters away, in a little sidewalk park.

Hot, angry, betrayed tears fill my eyes, and I don't stop them this time. I feel so stupid, so angry, so hurt. I should've known. I should have seen the signs, not ignored them like I'd tried to. They didn't want me around anymore. They didn't need me.

I don't know how long I stay there, crying, and silently screaming at myself.

Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I glance up, startled, and hastily brush at my tears. My glasses have fogged up, a few tears staring the lenses. I pull a tissue from my backpack, and quickly wipe them clean.

"Are you alright?"

I glance again at the person. It's a boy, probably my age, with messy brown hair and pretty eyes. He wears a black tshirt with the words 'fuck the patriarchy' on it, with a blue and black flannel over the top. He has black converse, like me, and denim jeans, also like me.

"H-hi," I manage, my voice scratchy from crying. "Can I help you?"

The boy frowns in concern. "You were crying." He says it like a statement, not a question. Not like he's asking why I was crying, but rather just wondering if I was okay.

"I'm fine." I blink away the fresh tears threatening to rise. I won't cry in front of this cute guy again. Once is embarrassing enough. Twice would be unbearable.

"Okay," the boy says, in a voice that implies he doesn't even kind of believe me. "Want some company? You planning on going shopping?"

I frown slightly. "Uh, yeah. I need new clothes. I've been saving up."

The boy tilts his head. "What size are you?"

My eyes widen in surprise, but before I can speak he yelps a little, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I mean- No! I didn't mean it like that. It's just- I just- I have a lot of spare things I don't wear anymore and well, you look like you might fit them. No use using your savings if you don't have to."

I consider this. Usually I don't like charity much, it makes me feel like a desperately poor person, when I'm not poor, just short on cash. But this boy seems really genuine, and I like his style, so maybe the offer of old clothes is a good one to accept.

"Sure, I'd love that," I say. "I'm Y/n." I stand, holding out my hand to shake.

He smiles, and my day gets just a little brighter. "It's lovely to meet you, Y/n. Now c'mon. I'll drive you to my place."

I follow him to the carpark, and he opens the shotgun door of a white van, marked with "Löded Diper" on the side.

"Should I be worried about getting into a white van belonging to a total stranger?" I ask teasingly.

The boy laughs. "Nah, you're good. The only people I'm kidnapping with this van are my little dork brother and his friend."

I laugh, climb into the van, and let him shut the door. When he slides into the drivers seat, I look over at him.

"You know, I still don't know your name."

He looks at me with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Would you believe me if I told you my name was Sir Lancelot Broccoli Vladimir the First?"

I pretend to consider it. "Hmmm, no, not really."

I look at him, and for a whole second we hold the serious act. Then we explode to a fit of laughter.

"No, but really," I manage, striving for composure. "What is your name?"

"Rodrick," he says. "Rodrick Heffley."

"Well it's lovely to meet you, Rodrick Heffley."

He grins. "Okay, Y/n Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is, ready for a dangerous drive back to my place?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Why not?"

In hindsight, I would've preferred walking there, but Rodrick, and his eyes and his smile and his laugh, they made the almost terrifying experience of his driving kinda worth it.

His house was simple and white, the yard pretty but plain. It looked like a totally normal home.

Rodrick opens the front door for me, holding it open as he smiles down at me. I return it as I duck under his arm, and step into the hallway.

A women steps into the hall, a small boy in her arms. She's pretty, with glasses and shiny brown hair. she sees me and smiles in pleasant surprise.

"Oh, hello there." She steps over and hold her hand out. "I'm Susan. It's lovely to meet you."

As I shake her hand, she glances at Rodrick, a thousand questions in her eyes.

"She's a friend," Rodrick says. "Don't make it weird, Mum."

She smiles. "Oh no no, I won't, honey, I promise."

"Come on, Y/n," Rodrick says, and grabs my hand, steering me away from his mother.

We climb the stairs, passing an adorable dog (who wanted pats that I'd gladly given) and a younger brother, who doesn't give us a second glance.

Upstairs, we enter Rodrick's room. It's surprisingly tidy for a teenage boy's. He has a drum kit, a lot of rock band posters and magazines, and a few piles of clothes and school supplies.

"You play?" I ask, gesturing at the drums.

Rodrick smiles shyly, his gaze sliding to meet mine. "Uh, yeah. I'm in a band."

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? That's sick, man. I wish I could play the drums. But I've never had the money to get my own kit or anything."

"I could... teach you if you'd like?"

At his suggestion, I hesitate. "I couldn't pay you..."

Rodrick gives me a look. "As if I'd charge you, love."

I flush, and look away.

"Okay..." Rodrick gets all embarrassed, turns in a circle, then digs through his closet for a moment. He pulls out a small tub of neatly folded clothes (I suspect his mother folded them for him), and places it on his bed.

"Here ya are, Y/n/n."

"Y/n/n?" I ask with a small laugh. "That's a new one."

"Is it?" he asks curiously. "So I'm the only one to ever call you that?"

I nod. "Yep, pretty sure."

"Good." He smiles. It's contagious, so I smile right back at him.

"Now," he says, pushing the box towards me. "Take whatever you like."

It's filled with mostly tshirts and hoodies and sweaters, which is perfect, as I have basically no need for new jeans at the moment.

I pull one of the hoodies on, a maroon one with the words "you and i got lost in it" in small, simple writing down one sleeve. It's almost a perfect fit, just a little bit big in all the right place.

"Are all the clothes in this box the same size?" I ask, and Rodrick nods, but he can't tear his eyes away from me.

"What is it?" I laugh.

"N-nothing," he stammers, his cheeks tinting pick and his voice going higher. I bite back an amused smile, and just give him a little meaningful look.

"It's just..." he sighs. "You just look really damn pretty in my clothes."

I instantly get flustered, but can't help my smile. This afternoon might have started pretty awfully, but I could tell it was going to be an amazing night.