#and how scully deserved more time with them

[deathsbestgirl]

is there a fandom word that's about shipping people as friends, no romantic/sexual context.

[thursdayinspace]

There is something about the way Mulder learns to accept and seek out emotional support and comfort throughout the course of the seasons. With all the casual physical contact that they have going on from the beginning, he seems ready to reach out, but doesn't seem to expect others to do the same. He feels deeply, but he keeps it to himself; something he seems to have learned from an early age. He's had to build his life around other people's pain since his sister disappered. He doesn't want to burden others with his needs.

Scully's "I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you" in "Tooms" is met with a joke immediately to lighten the mood -- a flirty joke, but still. He doesn't think he deserves how much she cares about him. Caring is his job. It's everyone else's job to disregard and dismiss his feelings and not take him seriously.

Scully setting up their secret meeting in "Little Green Men" -- he seems almost a little confused that she really just wanted to see him. He doesn't react when the touches his hair before she leaves. He doesn't react when she briefly takes his hand at the end. I don't think those little gestures of comfort don't register with him. They do. He simply doesn't quite know how to respond to them. He doesn't hesitate to gently cup her cheek and offer comfort when she wants to come back to work after her father's death. But he would never expect her to do that for him.

In "Anasazi" when he says "Thank you for taking care of me," it seems like he has to think about that sentence for a long time. Not because he isn't grateful, but because he doesn't really understand why she did it. Nothing more embarrassing than thanking someone and hearing "Oh, I didn't do it for you." And he said some pretty rude things to her when he was drugged, accusing her of betraying him. Who knows how much of it he remembers, but apparently enough to feel mortified. He never wanted to hurt her, but he must have, and then, after all that, she saved him and risked so much for him?

The scene in "Detour" comes to mind, the night in the forest when she tries to pull his head into her lap so he can get some rest and so that she can keep him warm, and he jokes "I don't want to wrestle." She doesn't have to do this, he's fine. He's not being a manly man who doesn't need anything, it's just that she's offering something that's hard to accept for him. She offers him a place to let go and stop pushing on. And he doesn't think she needs to do that, he is not fatally injured or anything, he'll be fine. But she wants him to be comfortable. She sees him, and is there for him.

At his mother's hospital bed in "Herrenvolk," she reaches for him and he lets himself cry into her shoulder. It's not just an emotional scene because of what he's going through. It's that he's allowing himself to truly let himself go in front of her. She reaches for him and he gives in and leans his face against her shoulder, holds onto her, letting her hold him. Letting her hold him. That's the really crucial point. Who has ever done that for him before? Who has ever allowed him his pain and told him it's okay, I know you have to feel like this right now, I know you're hurting, and I will be your tether for as long as you have to lose yourself in this?

"Sein und Zeit" -- he clings to her so tightly, lets her be his lifeline in this moment, as he knows she wants to be that for him. Letting go like that is so, so scary. There is always the fear that it will change someone's opinion of you. Make them think you're weak. Let them know what gets to you, and then you will always always always have to deal with them looking at you trying to asses how okay you are in stressful situations. It leaves you wide open and vulnerable. Learning that she doesn't expect him to be strong, that she doesn't believe that things don't affect him, that's a new concept. It requires so much trust.

Being able to take an offered hand is really fucking difficult, especially when you've been conditioned to be the one doing the reaching out. Leaning on someone is terrifying. Some patterns are hard to unlearn. But her steady presence finally allows him to show weakness and trust her to catch him when he falls. It lets him understand that he's allowed to fall sometimes.

[adricthemindnimon]

I love how quickly Scully becomes defensive of Mulder. She knows how he's judged by everyone around them, and she is ready to fight them all from about day 2. Like in Ghost in the Machine. Episode 7. A former partner of Mulder's takes advantage of his good nature, steals his work and claims it as his own. Mulder just brushes it off, and even lies to Scully that the guy apologized for it. Meanwhile Scully stares murderous daggers at the man every time he's in sight. Or even earlier than that, in Squeeze, episode 3, where she's about ready to murder her own (former) friend because he won't take Mulder seriously. It's such a fundamental bedrock of their relationship: even when they disagree they always take each other seriously. And more than that, they each see all the ways in which the rest of the world doesn't take the other seriously - Mulder for the "Spooky" stuff, Scully for being young, pretty, and a woman - and they will burn the fucker down to make sure the other one gets the respect they deserve.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

my favorite scully moments from s1

when she gets SO mad at mulder's assumption that werewolves are real in episode 19 that she yells about how "no one can change into an animal! >:(" and gets out of the car

talking to her friend in episode 5 who says something like “isn’t that guy you work with cute?” to which she responds “he’s a jerk. no, he’s not a jerk…” lmao. crush behavior.

when she deserved the nobel peace prize in episode 10 for not slapping mulder upside the head after getting roped into treating horrific burn victims AND THEN coming back to his room where he immediately jumps into a new alien rant

(and, earlier in the same episode, when she showed up across the country to bail his ass out for breaking into another top secret facility… have we all thanked her for dealing with this nonsense?)

pretty much every scene in episode 13 broke my heart, but i was especially moved by her asking her mother if her father was at all proud of her (to which she receives the non-answer "he was your father")

when jack gets shot in episode 15 and the other doctors say it’s not worth trying to save him, she tells them to keep trying or she’ll do it herself (angry doctor mode <3)

when she learns about the guy who somehow managed to grow salamander hands in episode 16 and she is SO shocked and pleased by this fact. regardless of the implications (nerdy doctor mode <3)

despite her lack of belief in the existence of spirits, she tells the girl who is being protected by her deceased loved one in episode 6 to "tell him you love him" which had me crying

she’s always running around reading stuff from files and each time it makes me SO happy. like yes girl tell us why that guy’s autopsy was super suspicious!

that time in episode 17 when one of mulder’s weird alien buddies takes her $20 and rips it up she gets so mad (which is entirely understandable and I would be too!)

anytime she interacts with an animal (dog, horse, monkey... she assumes they are all friends)

taking the time to talk about losing her father with both of the victims in episode 19 who lost their family members as well

when phoebe decides to show up and kiss mulder right in front of scully in episode 12, she does her absolute best to look away because she's a very good friend

and after phoebe finally leaves, she decides to get revenge on mulder by knocking at his door and doing a phoebe impersonation: “aren’t you going to take me for lunch?” ohhh yes that was deserved! more scully being british please! it's good for the soul!

[actual-changeling]

i thought about the end scene of 'beyond the sea' too many times and this is the result. mulder is so soft with her for the entirety of the episode, and it drives me insane.

first ficlet i've ever written for these two, so hopefully i got their voices right.

—

Mulder's hand against her arm is warm and comfortably heavy, a tether keeping her close enough to the ground to not drift away like she's been prone to do for the last few days. When her eyes flutter shut on their own accord, Scully doesn't fight it, all too aware of the hours of sleep she hasn't been getting.

Between fragmented nightmares about her father and the feeling of blood under her fingernails—Mulder's, dried and darkened no matter how hard she scrubbed—the last time she got more than twenty minutes at a time was before she saw her father's ghost in the flickering television light. The regular beeping of the machines echoing through the hospital room calms her somewhat; they're familiar sounds, no matter how far from medical school she might have ended up.

"Maybe you should head home, get some rest," Mulder suggests softly after an extended period of amicable silence, slightly squeezing her shoulder before reclaiming his hand. Her fingers twitch against the sheets as she fights the urge to chase after him, her body suddenly oddly cold. When she opens her eyes again, she catches him staring at her with concern clouding his gaze.

"I'm fine." 

It's a reflexive answer, a lie she keeps telling even though they are both aware she's everything but.

"I know," he replies, smoothing his palm down her arm until he can gently take her hand, and the chill disappears as quickly as it has arrived. "The last couple of days have just been a lot, and you deserve a break."

The noise is out of her mouth before she can stop it—something between a dismissal and a sob, tinged with bone-deep exhaustion. Even if she were to go back to an apartment full of Christmas decorations and unwanted quietude, she wouldn't be able to get any rest at all; not with guilt sitting on the bottom of her lungs and fear poisoning her breaths.

Scully tightens her grasp on his hand and turns to watch his heartbeat weave its way across the monitor. Alive, it whispers, over and over and over. 

Alivealivealive, and no thanks to her. 

She thought about it a few times, only when the darkness seemed entirely ubiquitous and the sleep deprivation spun webs across her ceiling, if maybe her choice to join the FBI, to go against her father's wishes, to put her life on the line while the distance between them grew—if all the stress she caused him somehow made her responsible for his death. 

No matter what she tries to tell herself, her father will still be dead, and Mulder will still be injured because she allowed him to run off alone despite Bogg's warnings. She had known without wanting to that he was going to get hurt, and yet. Always too little, too late.

"…Dana."

A tug on her arm rips her back out of her mind, and the worry carved deep into Mulder's face tells her that he has been trying to get her attention for longer than she can simply shrug off; she attempts to smile anyway and fails miserably.

"Whatever it is you're blaming yourself for, you're wrong."

"Mulder—"

He releases her hand in favour of cupping her cheek exactly as he had days ago in their office, and she relaxes into it without wanting to, the touch warm and comforting.

"If you don't want to go home, at least close your eyes for a little," he smiles for the two of them, his thumb caressing her cheekbone. Whatever protest she was about to utter dies on her tongue, so she simply nods. Mulder pulls back slightly to invitingly lift his arm, and for once, Scully doesn't even pretend to need time to consider it. 

God, she is beyond tired. 

She toes off her shoes and lies down on the scratchy hospital sheets, conscious of his injury as she carefully fits herself against his side. With her cheek resting on his chest and one palm above his heart, Scully closes her eyes and enjoys the comfort of Mulder holding her like she is doing him a favour. 

His fingers trace slow patterns up and down her back, and when she feels him press his lips to her hair, she inches impossibly closer in silent thanks.

The day bleeds from her limbs, and little by little, the tension in her aching muscles dissipates until only exhaustion and a familiar sense of safety remain. For the very first time since waking to see her father's ghost in her living room, sleep comes easily and remains completely dreamless. 

Mulder keeps her wrapped in his embrace and rests easier than he has in years.

[television-overload]

chance encounter

an X-Files Fanfic

Read on AO3

Summary: "Six months after becoming fugitives from the US government, Mulder and Scully have a chance encounter with someone that is very important to them."

Word Count: 6,556

Tag List (let me know if you want taken off or added!): @today-in-fic @agent-troi @baronessblixen @captainsolocide @cutemothman @edierone @enigmaticxbee @figureofdismay @frogsmulder @hippocampouts @invidiosa @mulderscully @perpetually-weirdening @randomfoggytiger @skelavender @slippinmickeys @teenie-xf @whovianderson

It was him.

There was no way to explain how he knew, but he did.

The little baby sitting in the puddle deep water at the end of the pool was William.

His hands, still chubby like they had been in his infancy, splashed excitedly, and Mulder could hear his squeals of delight over the sounds of the other children playing. An electric yellow swim shirt paired with a dinosaur-patterned bucket hat kept him shielded from the hot California sun, and he wore striped yellow and blue swimming trunks.

Mulder thought he'd never seen a swimsuit so small.

What were the odds that of all the places they could have traveled to, he was here?

They'd been on the road for 6 months, stopping at unremarkable motels and campgrounds all the way, never staying in one place for more than a few days at a time. It was a fluke they were even here at all.

Perhaps fate.

The hotel was certainly a step up from their usual accommodations, but Mulder had insisted. It was their anniversary, he said. Anniversary of what, Scully wasn't sure. The progression from coworkers to friends to lovers happened so gradually that it was hard to pin down a particularly important date for anything. But he wanted to celebrate, to find a brief reprieve from living in darkness, so they splurged a little on this modest, if slightly run-down, hotel by the ocean.

Where their son and his new family just happened to be vacationing.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about this possibility. In those nights where Scully was extra quiet, eager to fall asleep at the end of a long day, of course he'd lay awake and think, what if.

What if we found him? What if we saw our son again? What would we do?

The idea was so far-fetched that he hardly gave it any real consideration. His thoughts ranged from “steal him back, take him with us” to “pretend you never saw him and flee town.”

The urge to do the latter was strong. It was not safe here. They'd given him up for this very reason, what would be the point if their being here got him injured or worse? Was it really worth the risk to William? To Scully?

His next thought was 'Should I tell her?' Should he tell Scully he'd seen him? Would she want to see him too, even if from a distance?

The loss of their son had broken her heart. Broken his too, but not in the same way. She had spent months with him, almost a year, only to be forced to give him away with little time to prepare.

He knew she felt the loss like a phantom limb. Even all these months later, she still awoke with his name on her lips, panic written on her face as she looked around for him. It drove a stake through his heart every time, yet part of him felt he deserved it after leaving her to deal with it herself.

He watched the boy.

He'd only come out here to enjoy the sun, sit on one of the loungers for an hour or so while Scully took a nap in their room. It was a much more comfortable bed than they've had in a long time, though that wasn't saying much.

He hadn't bargained on having his whole world tipped upside down in the short time they were apart.

As stressful as it was, life on the road lended itself to relatively simple decisions. Fast food or canned? Motel or campground? Will you drive, or should I?

This was different.

Should he tell Scully?

The thought of keeping this from her made him feel sick. He couldn't do that.

Then again, would it hurt more to know? Ignorance is bliss, they say.

Mulder had never believed that, though.

The Truth, with a capital T, was the one thing that connected him and Scully. Though their beliefs and methods differed, they valued the Truth above all else. That was what drew them together. That was what propelled them forward, even now.

She had to know. She had to know her son was here, even if knowing might hurt.

She could make the decision for herself, whether she wanted to see him or get as far away from here as possible. It might be the last decision she makes as a mother, who would he be to keep that from her?

She might never forgive him.

Swallowing back emotion, Mulder stood to his feet, trying not to draw attention to himself as he made his retreat. His sunglasses thankfully hid the redness of his eyes, a small mercy in this endlessly unfair life.

He stole one last glance back at William. There was a chance this was the last time he'd ever see his son, his baby boy. If this was it, he'd treasure this moment for the rest of his life.

A woman dropped down beside William, showing him how to cup the water in his hands and throw it.

'A quick learner,' Mulder thought, watching as he gleefully tossed small handfuls of water in the air, giggling as it rained back down on him.

Okay. He could do this.

Find Scully. Tell Scully. Find Scully.

He rushed into the moldy-smelling hallway of the hotel, not bothering to take the elevator up to their floor. Instead, he took the stairs two at a time, finding himself out of breath by the time he reached the 4th floor.

He nodded politely at a passing family decked out in beach gear, not wanting to draw suspicion. Once they were gone, he gave a quick rhythmic knock on the door to let Scully know it was him, then slipped his key card into the slot to unlock it.

The room was still dark, the curtains drawn tight to block out the midday sun, and he could hear soft breaths coming from the lump on the bed.

His heart twisted involuntarily as it so often did when he looked at her.

“Scully,” he whispered, approaching the bed. “Honey, wake up.” He settled on the side of the bed, placing a gentle hand atop her shoulder and jostling her just so.

“Mm,” she hummed, curling into her pillow. A good nap, then. That was nice, at least.

He shook her again, saying her name a little louder. “Scully, you need to get up.”

This time her eyes opened, sensing the serious undertone to his words. He could tell she was waiting for bad news, for him to tell her they needed to leave again. Wanting to put her worries at ease, he tried to smile.

“What is it?” she asked, blinking at him in confusion.

“Uh—” he hadn't gotten this far in planning what to say. But she was waiting for him now, so he needed to say something quick. “Scully, I saw some people outside...”

“Government people?” she asked, sitting up suddenly, ready to start packing.

“No, not the government,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders soothingly. “Scully—it's William.”

He could see the moment his words hit her. She blinked, like she might think she was still dreaming, but she saw the truth in his eyes. Her expression shifted.

He wasn't sure what reaction he expected, but his first guess wouldn't have been anger.

“Did you know he would be here?” she asked, her voice laced with hurt and betrayal. “Mulder, I told you not to look into it! Why—Why would you...”

“I didn't know,” he promised, begging the tears in his eyes to keep from falling. He clasped her hands in his, pulling them from their grip on the fabric of his shirt. “Scully, I swear I didn't know. I was just out at the pool, and—”

“You're sure it's him?”

His heart broke looking at her. Equal parts hope and dread, she didn't deserve this.

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.”

She let out a shuddering breath.

“What do you think about that coincidence, huh?” he said, hoping to lighten the mood.

She shook her head.

“Mulder, we can't see him. It's not safe, it's not—”

“I know.” He didn't like interrupting her, but he didn't want her worrying unnecessarily about things she shouldn't. They had enough of that already, these days. If she didn’t think it was a good idea, he’d be okay with that. “We can leave, if you want. I just thought you should know.”

Her blue eyes met his, brimming with unshed tears.

“Is—Is he…?”

“He's beautiful, Scully,” Mulder answered her unspoken question. “He looks happy.”

She choked out a sob, and he immediately enveloped her in his arms, holding onto her tightly. She clutched at him like a life raft, and he ran his hand over her back in comforting circles, murmuring soft words into her ear.

“What do you want to do?” Mulder asked, knowing that time was ticking, and the little family might not stay out there much longer.

Scully sniffed.

“We could—we could go see him,” she said uncertainly, looking at him to decipher his thoughts on the matter. “From a distance.”

Mulder nodded, then stood, helping her to her feet.

“I'm with you,” he reminded her, grasping her hands tightly in his. “It'll be okay.”

With an arm slung around her shoulders, he led her out the door, this time opting to take the elevator down to the ground floor. Scully seemed nervous, almost frightened, and he didn't blame her. He tried to picture how he would feel if their positions were switched, and he couldn't imagine that he'd take it very well. Eventually, they reached the glass doors leading out to the outdoor pool, pausing for a moment.

“They can't see us,” Scully warned, looking anxious and ready to bolt, but she was glued to his side and scarcely able to move without his guidance. He nodded and took her hand, leading her out to a couple chairs in the corner, hopefully obscured enough by the shadow of the fence that they wouldn’t be seen. That bright neon shirt was still there, easy to spot, and Mulder felt tears rising to his throat again. This was the first time they had all three been in the same vicinity since those first few days when he was born.

He squeezed her hand, checking one last time to make sure she was okay. She searched his eyes, trusting him wholeheartedly, and he was certain he had never loved her more.

“Over there,” he said in a low whisper. “With the little hat on.”

Scully followed his line of sight, gasping when her eyes settled on the playful baby in the water.

What followed next was a sob, and he quickly lost his battle with the tears that stubbornly refused to go away. He wrapped his arms around Scully, offering her what solace he could, while his own chin wobbled miserably.

She alternated between sneaking glances at her son and crying into his shirt collar, muttering “Mulder,” desperately as he rocked her back and forth, his hand smoothing out her hair for her comfort as much as his own.

He couldn’t watch anymore. Seeing her like that... it made it hard to stay strong, but he needed to be. For her. He closed his eyes, pleading with the universe never to give her this kind of pain ever again.

When he opened them again, his stomach dropped to the floor.

The woman he'd seen earlier was looking at them, her eyebrows pinched in concern.

He cursed under his breath, his arms tightening around Scully. She was in no state to leave. The best they could do was avoid eye contact and keep to themselves.

But it looked like that wouldn't be enough.

The woman, William's adoptive mother, whispered something to the man she was with, nodding in their direction. His concerned face matched hers, and he nodded. With a sickening lurch, Mulder realized she was getting out of the water, wrapping herself in a towel and heading toward them.

It was too late. They'd been made.

“Scully,” he said, alarm creeping into his voice. She only had a moment's warning before the woman was there, glancing down at them with a worried frown.

“Is she alright?” William's mother asked, empathy oozing from her.

Mulder hurried to compose himself, knowing Scully was a lost cause at this point. It would be on him to get them out of this.

“She's fine, sorry,” he managed to speak, wracking his brain for a believable excuse. Best to stick close to the truth. “We—We can't have children, so—” he nodded toward their son, hoping she could fill in the blanks.

Looking behind her at the boy in the water, her face eased into one of understanding.

“Oh, I know how that feels,” she said, smiling consolingly. “Our son over there is adopted. Every day we thank God for blessing us with him. He's our little miracle.”

Scully grips him tighter, barely restraining a mournful wail. His heart sinks, knowing this interaction isn't going well at all.

He presses a desperate kiss to her hair, wishing he'd never exposed her to this pain. Wishing they were alone in the confines of their hotel room or car so she could let it all out without arousing suspicion. Wishing this woman, as kind-hearted and friendly as she seemed to be, would leave them alone.

“Are you sure she's okay?” she asked Mulder, brows furrowing again.

His hand rubbed up and down Scully's shoulder, and he nodded. “She will be. This is—hard for her.”

“Okay,” the woman said, not sounding fully convinced. “Let me know if there's anything I can do. Like I said, I've been where she is.”

“Thank you,” Mulder choked out, eyes flitting about, looking for their escape.

Through the gate. Through the hotel. Down to the beach.

“Oh, sorry,” William's mother spoke, turning back instead of leaving. “I never introduced myself. My name is—”

“No!” Scully stopped her, looking suddenly panicked and alert.

The woman startled at the outburst, jumping back slightly.

“Mulder, we can't know,” Scully said, looking pleadingly at him. “We can't know anything, we can't!”

“It's okay,” he said softly, coaxing her back from the edges of a total breakdown. “It's okay.” He looked back up at William's mom, smiling an unconvincing smile. “I think we'd really better get going. It was nice talking to you,” he said as he helped Scully to her feet. “Come on, hon, back to our room.”

It was hard to move quickly with Scully desperately clinging to him, but it wasn't the first time they'd been in this position. Once they got back inside, he'd run her a nice warm bath and apologize over and over for everything he'd ever done to hurt her.

They just. Had to. Get. Through—

“Wait.”

He froze.

“You're—You're his parents, aren't you? The ones who gave him up?”

Ice water filled his veins. He could feel Scully shaking like a leaf under his arm.

“We really should be going—” he tried, refusing to turn back around.

Her voice was closer now. “You are. I—there's so many things I've wished I could ask you. At least let me thank you. Please.”

Against his better judgement, he risked a glance back.

“Mulder, we have to go,” Scully begged, now standing on her own and pulling him by the hand. His feet were rooted to the ground, unable to take a single step forward or back.

“Just wait a minute, Scully,” he said, his brain running a mile a minute to calculate the amount of danger each potential course of action held.

He met the woman's eyes, serious.

“Look, this is not easy for her. For us. Our situation right now is—” his eyes scanned around for anything out of place, “We—We really shouldn't be talking to you.”

The woman stepped closer still, a pleading expression on her face.

“It was a closed adoption, I know. But—”

“I'm sorry. We can't.”

Scully looked exhausted, frightened, and sick all at once. Every second they stood there chipped away at her, the anxiety sinking deeper and deeper into her skin.

“You're right about one thing,” Mulder conceded, glancing over at his son and drinking in his unconcerned, innocent features.

The next words nearly choked him with sorrow.

“He is a miracle.”

They were meant to be parting words, a reminder to this woman to never take what she has for granted, but before he could move, a hand landed on his forearm, effectively stopping him.

“We'll let you see him,” the woman offered desperately, near tears herself. “Please. Just a few moments.”

And with that on the table, Mulder was torn.

On the one hand, this woman had offered them something invaluable: a chance to say goodbye, something they hadn't been able to do properly the first time.

On the other hand, it would be selfish. To put their son and his new family in danger simply because they got caught in a moment of weakness... it was unfathomable. He couldn't be responsible for more suffering. He didn't think he could bear it.

“Please?” the woman said again, squeezing his arm.

He had a decision to make. Glancing once more at Scully's crumpled face, he caught sight of the slightest hint of hope. A barely-there gleam that he'd tear down earth and heaven for the chance to brighten.

His decision was made for him.

Cursing his lack of willpower, he turned suddenly to meet the woman's eyes.

“Not here,” he whispered sternly, pointing in her direction. “Give us half an hour, then come to room 409.”

“409,” the woman repeated, nodding. “We will.”

Mulder hardened his jaw, giving one final nod before collecting Scully and hurrying off into the building without another glance back.

“This is dangerous, Mulder,” Scully said worriedly as they passed through the hall, though he knew deep down she was relieved that she might get to see her son again. He only hoped that this risk would be worth it, that they'd be able to find some semblance of peace here and leave feeling less like a part of them was missing when all this was over.

As soon as they entered their room, Scully broke down.

“Oh my god, Mulder,” she gasped, crouching low to the ground and covering her face with her hands.

He immediately dropped to his knees to help her up, ushering her over to their bed.

“Did you see him? He's gotten so big.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, a mix of happy and sad, and though he'd known Scully and her nonverbal cues for so long, he still wasn't quite sure what she needed right now.

“Yeah, I saw him, Scully,” he answered, pulling her into his lap and rocking her gently.

“Do you think they'll really come?” she asked, hopeful, but hesitant.

“We need to be prepared in case they don't,” he answered realistically, thinking of an entire squad of police cars surrounding the hotel with their flashing lights and sirens. “I can pack up the toiletries, you got the suitcase?”

She nodded, grateful to have something physical to do.

Mulder checked his watch. Twenty-five minutes. If they didn't come in twenty-five minutes, it was time to get out of dodge.

“I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and then her lips. “I love you, Scully.”

“I love you too,” she answered, breathing deeply to calm herself. Checking one last time to make sure she was okay, he nodded and released her, each to their own assignments to ensure they were ready to make a quick escape if need be.

As the minutes passed, they became restless. They watched the clock, counting down the seconds until they should have arrived.

Their cutoff time came and went. Mulder was about to call it and give the signal to run, already gathering bags and suitcases, but the subtle knock on their door stopped him in his tracks. He held up a finger to his lips, gesturing for Scully to stay quiet while he checked the peep hole.

The sight before him caused his shoulders to slump in relief.

“It's them?” Scully asked hopefully, reading his body language.

He gave a cautious smile back, then unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door.

There they were, William’s adoptive parents.

And William.

It nearly took his breath away. 

This close. They were this close to him, after thinking they’d never see him again. He felt like a dehydrated man in a desert stumbling upon an oasis when he was sure he was going to die.

“Hi,” the woman said, looking more uncertain now that they weren’t out in the open. Her husband looked similarly guarded, but they were here, that was all that mattered.

“Uh, come in,” Mulder said, finding his voice.

He stepped aside to allow them entrance, and Scully immediately stood from her seat on the edge of the bed, wringing her hands in front of her.

“I promise we’re not here to take him,” he assured them, closing the door behind them. “As much as we wish we could.”

Once the door was secure, he went to stand by Scully, placing a hand on her back.

“We were just passing through, I couldn’t believe it when I saw him sitting there in the pool.”

The woman nodded, still a little tense, but wanting to believe him.

“Small world,” her husband said, standing protectively next to his wife and child.

Mulder nodded.

“Look, there’s not much information we can give you. For his safety and yours, this is the way it had to be.”

“I always wondered where he came from,” the woman said. “I thought maybe a teen mom, or someone who just couldn't take care of him, but, you—”

“He was always wanted,” Scully spoke, finally able to speak for herself. Her voice came out strained, gasping for air between words. “I prayed for him for so long.”

Mulder's hand found hers, giving it a squeeze to lend her some of his strength.

“He was our miracle.”

The woman looked down, saddened by this news.

“But you were right,” Scully continued, steadying her voice. “We couldn't take care of him. Our life—it isn't stable enough for a child right now. It might never be again. So, I gave him up.”

“Didn't you have a family member who could have taken him? A friend?” the man asked. “Why a closed adoption?”

Scully shook her head, looking down at her feet. How she had wished she could have sent William to live with Bill and Tara, maybe even Charlie. But it wouldn’t have been enough. It would have only endangered more people she cared about.

“That's something we can't disclose,” Mulder answered for her. “But someday, when he asks, I want him to know...” He breathed, summoning the strength to form the words. “I want him to know that we loved him... so much.” With each breath he took, tears filled his eyes, clogging his throat until he wasn't able to speak anymore.

They would always love him, for as long as they lived. Giving him up wasn't going to change that.

“Well,” William's new mom said through tear filled eyes. “I can't tell you how much it means to us to have him.” Scully bowed her head, nodding along with a steady stream of tears. “I promise to take good care of him. He'll be safe and happy with us.”

“Thank you,” Scully whispered, unable to look the man and woman in the eyes.

“We've been worried about him,” Mulder admitted, “hoping he was alright...” He checked in with Scully, reading her like he was so good at doing, before deciding it was safe to speak for them both. “I think, seeing that he is... is a huge weight lifted off our shoulders.”

Scully gave a nod in agreement, looking up at Mulder with something of a promise. A promise that they would be okay, eventually.

“I can't imagine what you must have gone through,” the woman said. “But we are so thankful. He—I don't suppose you want to know his name?”

“No,” Scully said quickly. “I—we can't. I couldn't handle the temptation.”

The temptation to track him down, just for the chance to see him again.  That was a dream that could never be.

“What did you call him?” the woman asked, and Mulder squeezed Scully's hand again, letting her know it was okay. It was a common enough name, there couldn’t be any harm in telling her the truth.

“William,” she answered. “His name was William.”

To hear it spoken aloud after all this time was a relief. It had been almost taboo the past six months, too painful a word to be uttered. But now, there was something freeing about letting his name hang in the air.

Letting go, Mulder realized. They had to let him go.

“Well...” the woman began again, smiling at them reassuringly. “William is such a bright and curious child. He loves building towers out of blocks and throwing things at it to knock it down. He—He has this stuffed fox he takes everywhere. They're practically inseparable. His first word was 'mama'. He likes watching baseball and hockey with his dad. He—He's everything we could have hoped for, and more. So, thank you. Thank you for making such a beautiful child for us to love.” Her eyes shone with happiness, the kind which Scully wondered if she’d ever felt. “I knew you had to be remarkable people, because he's a remarkable child.”

“And now we know where he gets those lips and that hair from,” the father added, lightening the mood as much as possible, under the circumstances. “He's covered in sunscreen, must be your genes,” he said, nodding at Scully with a smile. And wonder of wonders, she laughed, a sudden, unexpected thing, and leaned into Mulder's side.

“We should let you go,” Mulder said after a moment, hating that it had to be done. “We'll need to be heading out soon.”

“To where?”

“We can't tell you that.”

Will's adoptive father's eyes met those of his biological one, and a look of understanding passed between them.

Adjusting her hold on William, the woman spoke, glancing between them as she did.

“I wouldn't feel right if I didn't give you a moment with him.”

Scully's head snapped to attention.

“You've already sacrificed so much,” she continued, “And I trust you. You're doing what's best for—for William. I know you have his best interests at heart.”

Mulder wished, wished, wished he could honestly say it was in William's best interests to be with him and Scully... but it wasn't. The truth of their reality was such that it could never be. Not through any fault of their own as parents—but because of external forces working against them, desperate to tear them apart and leave them with nothing.

But they had failed.

Because what they had was more than nothing. They had each other. And though they would have to live with the knowledge that a part of them was missing, maybe after today they would be able to make peace with what they do have. To live life to the fullest given the circumstances they've been forced to survive in.

In truth, he hadn't felt this hopeful about the future since the moment Scully first placed his son in his arms. There was still a mountain of hardships to surmount, but it didn't seem quite as impossible as before. And it was all thanks to a chance encounter with their son, at the precise moment they needed him most.

“We'll leave you be,” Will's mother spoke, checking with her husband to make sure he agreed. “If you need us, we'll be downstairs having some coffee.”

Scully's brows slanted in worry. “You don't have to go, it's okay,” she said, wanting to stop them.

“You deserve some time alone,” the woman said kindly, shaking her head. “I can see how much you need it, dear.”

Scully's chin wobbled, dangerously close to another round of tears.

And then she was coming toward them, William perched on her hip. She deposited him right into Scully's disbelieving arms, and Mulder immediately felt his throat close, the sight one he'd seen almost every night in the most heart wrenching of his dreams.

This was what he'd hoped to come home to after his time in the desert. This was what kept him sane between bouts of torture in a prison cell. To see it now was equal parts fulfilling and painful.

“I can give you something, a guarantee we won't run off with him,” he choked out, working to free his wrist from his moderately expensive watch. William's dad reached a hand out and stopped him.

“We trust you,” he said with a sad smile. “We'll be back in an hour. Please, take all the time you need.”

And with that, they left the room.

As soon as they were gone, Scully's head dropped to rest against the strawberry blond locks of their son, and she let out a sob.

“William,” she breathed, pressing her lips to his head. He seemed unfazed, and part of Mulder wondered if he still remembered her. If deep down, he knew this was the woman who had once fed him from her own body, sung him to sleep in an off-tune melody, soothed him when he had nightmares...

It wasn't outside the realm of possibility.

The same couldn't be said for him, however.

“I can't believe this, Mulder,” Scully cried, her tears falling into his downy-soft hair. Mulder led her back to the bed, sitting beside her with their son on her lap. “Did you hear what they said? He's so much like you, watching sports on TV, knocking his blocks down... He'll be throwing pencils at the ceiling in no time.”

That brought a small smile to his face, and he leaned to his right to press a kiss to Scully's forehead, his hand falling into place on their son's back.

William leaned away, taking in the new faces with a curious tilt to his head.

“Hey, bud,” Mulder said, offering him a finger to hold. For all the time he'd spent thinking of what he'd say to his kid if given the chance, he was coming up short now that he was face-to-face with the reality. “I missed you so much,” he managed to say, “And look how much you've grown!”

William reached out, holding his hands up in front of him, and Mulder's heart leapt. Glancing at Scully for permission, he slid his hands under his arms, lifting him to his chest and nuzzling him close.

“Oh, Scully,” he said, beginning to cry again, feeling the weight of William on his chest, real and tangible. “Sometimes I thought it was all a dream. But we have a son.”

It was hard to think of him out in the world, when he was hardly more than an idea. But now—he had face to put to the name, a personality to remember. He had a son.

She nodded, watching them with a watery smile. He pulled back just to look at him again, to memorize those chubby cheeks and the way he smelled. The precise shape of his eyes, their color, still the same as his mother's.

“I'm so glad we stayed here, Mulder,” Scully whispered. “To think I tried to talk you out of it...”

“Fate was working its magic, Scully,” he said, cutting her off. “This was meant to be.”

For the next hour, they played on the floor together, using Mulder's keys as a toy to hold William's attention. He was walking now, and took turns toddling between them, excitedly holding the TV remote in one hand and squealing when they praised him for successfully making it without tripping or falling.

For a while, they could almost forget this wasn't real. That they weren’t on borrowed time, already risking things they shouldn't be for this blissful moment of being a family.

Mulder got to see Scully as a mother. She saw him as a father. Finally, they had the chance to step into those roles, feeling fulfilled in ways they never could have imagined. It went far beyond any truth that once lay hidden in the X-Files. Nothing in that office of theirs could have given them purpose like this. Only each other, and the life that was formed out of the love that was sparked right there in the basement of the Hoover building so many years ago.

Mulder had always wondered how it would sound to hear the words “da da da” come from a child's mouth, and to know they meant him. Though his babbling wasn't intentional, merely a repetition of the same syllables “da” and “ma” over and over again, he was soaking it in. Committing it to memory. Praying—because only something like this could drive a man like him to prayer—that his son would think about him. Would think about his mother. That he'd grow to know and understand and appreciate the heartache they suffered at giving him away.

That maybe he'd love them too, despite never knowing them.

And maybe.

Maybe.

One day, they'd see each other again.

It was getting late. Scully could tell it was past William's bedtime. She laid him on their bed, and laid down beside him on her stomach, content just to look at him and be near him for however much time they had left.

Mulder joined her on the other side, resting a hand on top of William's gently rising and falling belly.

“I love him more than I ever knew was possible,” he whispered, and noticed as Scully wiped away a tear.

“It hurts, knowing we have to say goodbye.”

Mulder nodded, reaching a hand over William to rub circles on Scully's back.

“But not as much as it hurt before.”

Mulder remembered how Scully screamed, when he first found her in that dirty, abandoned house in Georgia.

“Don't take my baby. Please don't take my baby.”

It was different now.

This time, it was on their own terms. Their curiosities were satisfied, the things they always would have wondered about.

Who he resembled more. What his voice sounded like. His smile and his laugh when he was happy. The way he scrunched his face when he wasn't.

But above all else: would he be okay?

And now that they knew without a doubt that he was? They could let him go.

As much as any parent could let go of a piece of their soul, their own flesh and blood.

He would always be a part of them. They would always wish things could have gone differently. But at least now, Mulder had had a chance to say goodbye. At least Scully wasn't being forced to leave him with little warning, worrying that she was abandoning him to an unknown fate.

A blanket of peace fell over this humble, outdated hotel room. And for the last few minutes they would spend as parents together, Mulder and Scully counted themselves lucky. For this time was a gift, far more than they could have ever hoped to receive.

The same knock from earlier sounded, and a heavy feeling settled in Mulder's chest. He dragged himself away from the bed, while Scully lifted the sleeping William into her arms and held him close.

“How did he do?” their son's mother asked, looking perfectly at ease in a way that calmed and reassured him.

“Great,” Mulder answered. “He—He's perfect.”

The time had come. Scully knew it too. They'd already stayed longer than they should have. He knew there was a long night of driving through pitch darkness ahead of them, and he really, really didn't want to go.

But he had to do what was right for his son. That was all he ever wanted to do, as a father. He just didn't want to be the one to break Scully's heart all over again.

“I guess this is it,” Scully said, sounding calmer than he would have expected. He knew her, though, and he could see the emotions brewing beneath the surface.

It would be a tearful night for both of them.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” she said to William's new mom, stepping fatefully toward her. But before she could pass him over, she paused, looking down at him for the last time in her own arms. “William?” she spoke, her voice strained. “Mommy loves you.”

“Daddy loves you too, baby boy,” Mulder said, never having referred to himself as such before, but wanting to know how it felt.

He cupped the sleeping child's head, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and then another, not able to convince himself that each would be the last.

“I'm so sorry, William. Be good for your mom and dad, okay?”

Scully leaned against him, her strength beginning to wane.

“Goodbye,” she said, kissing him desperately all over, playing with his socked foot and each of his tiny fingers. “I want to believe I will see you again someday.”

As they passed him over, together this time, William's new parents smiled tearfully.

“If—If he suddenly gains an interest in Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster,” Mulder began in a worried, cautionary tone, “just buy him some picture books. He'll be okay.”

Though it easily could have been a joke, no one laughed. In fact, the man and woman nodded, taking his advice to heart. He felt better knowing their son would be accepted, no matter who he grew up to be. The child of the FBI's most unwanted was sure to be a bit of a loner.

“And tell him he'll grow into his nose. Sort of,” he added, this time eliciting a small smile from Scully.

“I promise, we'll tell him every day how loved he is,” the woman vowed. “I'm glad we met you.”

“I'd call it a God-given miracle,” the man said, and he reached out a hand to Mulder to shake. “Stay safe,” he said, then catching sight of Scully's necklace. “We'll be praying for you.”

She nodded, unable to speak.

Mulder's arms suddenly felt empty. He could see Scully felt the same, wrapping hers around her own torso just for something to hold. He enveloped her in an embrace, holding tight to keep both her and himself from chasing after them.

“Bye,” the woman said over her shoulder, her worried eyes unwilling to turn away from the sad couple they'd met. She gave a small, consoling smile, and lifted William's pudgy hand to wave goodbye.

Mulder and Scully waved half-heartedly in return, smiling as genuinely as they could, and watched as they disappeared through the door.

Once they were gone, Scully turned into Mulder's chest and held tight. His cheek rested on top of her head, and they swayed, silent but for the sound of the ocean nearby.

“We're gonna be okay,” Scully said at last. “Mulder—”

She looked up at him, meeting his eyes with sincerity and love.

“We're gonna be okay.”

[defectivevillain]

so it goes...

pairing: Jake Peralta/Reader

reader’s pronouns are unspecified but masc-intended.

summary: You’re stood up on a date, only for Jake to come in and save the day. 

word count: 2.3k 

[ao3 version]

You have a date today—with someone you’ve been texting back and forth for a while. You wanted to keep it a secret, but the news soon came out after Boyle took your phone from you and started reading your texts aloud. You couldn’t gather the energy to be mad at him for it. Besides, according to Gina and Rosa, you had been acting rather distracted for most of the day anyway. Somehow, the entire precinct now knows you have a date tonight. To your surprise, everyone is extremely supportive and wishes you well. Rosa gives you pointers on how to dispose of a body, which you pretend not to hear. Gina tells you to insist that the other person pays, because your presence “deserves monetary compensation.” The sarge tells you to be safe, and Hitchcock and Scully…. Well, you don’t let them finish what they were going to say to you. That seems to be a wise choice, because Hitchcock later admits that his remark wasn’t tasteful.  

Somehow, Jake Peralta is the only one that you don’t see at all. For a moment, you wonder if he’s avoiding you. You then remember that the two of you have a sort of strange relationship. You’re work nemeses and the two of you usually bicker back and forth instead of having a genuine conversation. Therefore, you’re not exactly surprised that Jake doesn’t approach you to ask you about your date. You don’t think the two of you are close enough to have that kind of conversation.

That notion is proven wrong later that same evening. You’re getting dressed for the date when your phone vibrates a few times. You check your notifications, only to find an unknown number texting you.

Unknown Number: hey

Unknown Number: oh it’s jake peralta btw

You: oh hi

You: what’s up?

Jake Peralta: u have a date 2day right

You: yes, why?

Jake Peralta: where is it

You pause for a moment. Why does he want to know where it is? Whatever. It’s not like any harm will come to you if you tell him. You decide to send him the name of the restaurant, and the two of you text back and forth for a bit longer. You can’t quite discern the purpose behind the ensuing discussion.

Jake Peralta: lmk how ur date goes

You frown in confusion. Why does he want to know? You decide to bite the bullet and just ask.

You: why?

He leaves you on read; you frown. It seems Peralta doesn’t want to answer that question. Ah well. You give up on the idea of interrogating him for further information.

You: okay, i will.

He leaves you on read again—interesting. You don’t know Peralta very well, but it almost appears as if he’s… angry. Did you do something? You scroll up through the conversation one more time, trying to look for anything you could’ve done wrong. You don’t see anything. You get another notification—this time, though, it’s from your date. The conversation with Peralta falls to the back of your mind as you finish getting ready for your date.

Approximately thirty minutes later, you find yourself sitting in the restaurant by yourself. The place is rather fancy, to your chagrin. You certainly wouldn’t have chosen this place for a first date—that’s for sure. The hostess leads you to a table and you sit down.

Minutes pass, and there’s no sign of your date. You’re beginning to feel everyone staring at you with sympathy, and it makes you sick to your stomach. You can’t help but feel horribly embarrassed. Have you been stood up? As time passes, you begin to think that’s the case. It’s now a full thirty minutes from the time you were supposed to meet and you’re forced to come to the conclusion that your date ditched you. You’re humiliated. You’re moments away from crying and getting up from your seat when you see someone out of the corner of your eye.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, babe.” You look up, only to find Jake Peralta walking over to you. He’s dressed rather nicely and there’s an embarrassed smile on his face. “Traffic was horrible.” His voice is a bit louder than it needs to be. You stare at him in confusion. Meanwhile, Jake leans towards you as he takes off his jacket, whispering in your ear. “You never texted me.”

“Peralta…” You break off, beginning to realize what’s happening here. Jake is saving you from any future embarrassment—diverting everyone’s attention by pretending to be your date.

“He didn’t show up?” You nod silently. Jake’s expression turns from suspicious to absolutely indignant. His fists clench at his sides and, for the first time, he looks unspeakably angry. You’ve never seen him look so serious before, and it’s a huge juxtaposition to his typical goofy nature. You suddenly feel the need to break the tension settling in the air.

“It’s fine,” you reassure him. Thankfully, outside attention is finally falling away from you, as the couples around you lose interest in your predicament.

“It definitely isn’t,” Jake says with a sigh. “But, whatever. I’m here now, so you don’t have to worry.” He grins cheekily. You roll your eyes, although you’re sure the relief on your face is evident. The two of you stare at each other for a moment and you realize that this entire situation feels wrong. It’s not Peralta’s presence that throws you off—it’s the restaurant. Your date picked it, and you’re starting to realize that you feel pretty out of place.

“You want to get out of here?” You eventually suggest. Jake looks up from the menu he had been frowning down at. “I’m not really in the mood for this kind of food, anyway.”

“Sure,” Jake shrugs, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair and moving to put it on again. He turns to look at you expectantly. “What’re you in the mood for?” Well, that’s rather courteous of him to ask. You stop to think for a moment.

“Greasy fast food?” You suggest.

“Hell yeah,” Jake grins mischievously. He extends an arm and you take it, allowing him to lead you through the restaurant and outside. Once the two of you are successfully outside, you let your hand fall from his arm and take a deep breath. Jake rattles off a few food places nearby and eventually, the two of you decide to go to the closest one. What follows is a rather enjoyable meal and interesting conversation. Because of your unofficial work rivalry, the two of you had never quite talked to each other except to bicker. It’s nice to learn more about Jake. He’s pretty goofy at work, but you know that he has other things going on under that immature exterior.

“I’m sorry your date ditched you,” Jake says some time later. There’s sympathy written all over his face and you suddenly feel deeply, profoundly embarrassed. You bite your lip. You’re thankful for his concern, of course, but…

“It’s fine,” you lie through your teeth. Silence descends in the air for a few moments and you can feel Jake’s gaze burning into the side of your face.

“You sure?” Jake’s expression is so concerned that you can’t help but feel guilty at the thought of being the reason for his worry. You inhale shakily. You had tried your best to push aside any thoughts about your original date, but now, they’re rushing back in full force. Why did he ditch you? Were you not worth the effort?

“No,” you admit with a whisper. Jake doesn’t respond to that, instead extending his arms and inviting you to hug him. You wrap your arms around him and bury your head in his shoulder, hoping he doesn’t notice the tears falling down your face. You quickly wipe them away. Jake’s grip is firm and reassuring.

“Thanks, Jake,” you say, once you’ve regained your composure. “I really appreciate it.”

“Any time.” Jake responds, with a frightening amount of sincerity.  The two of you part ways soon after that, with the promise to talk more tomorrow. Jake tells you to text him when you get home and you do so. That night, you fall asleep with conflicting feelings. On the one hand, you’re extremely grateful that Jake stepped up to support you. Plus, your night with him was very enjoyable. On the other hand, well, being stood up on a date makes you feel rather sad. You have to push aside the pointless questions you’re asking yourself—if you had done things differently, if you did anything wrong, etc.—and just go to sleep.

“What was the guy’s name?” Jake asks the next day, once the two of you are in the precinct. You raise your eyebrows at him and he scrambles to explain. “I’m asking for a friend. Definitely not for any other reason.” You glance at him in knowing amusement and he sighs in defeat. “Hey, it was worth a try.”

“Thanks anyway,” you say, unable to hide the fond smile growing on your face. “And, hey, if he hadn’t ditched me, we wouldn’t have had such a great night.”

“You had fun?” You’re unsure how Jake can seem so surprised about that.

“Of course,” you respond, “Did you?”

“Yeah,” Jake responds without hesitation. He then pauses, as if trying to search for the next words to say. “Can I ask you something?” You nod in agreement. Jake averts his eyes for a moment. He seems uncharacteristically nervous. His gaze flits about restlessly. “You want to go to dinner tonight?”

“Sure,” you answer, with no hesitation whatsoever. Jake is evidently surprised by your quick answer and he seems to be on the verge of saying something else, so you decide to clarify. “Like a date?”

“Say yes, Jake,” Charles says, popping out of literally nowhere. You flinch in surprise and then stare at him in disbelief. Had he been listening to your entire conversation? And where did he even come from?

“Sorry, he found out about last night-” Jake tries to explain to you, only for Charles to cut him off.  

“I have great news for you lovebirds!” Charles grins. Dread coils in your chest—that mischievous smile never means anything good coming from Boyle. Jake seems to think the same thing, if the apprehensive look on his face is any indication. “You now have a reservation for my favorite Japanese restaurant-!”

“The one that serves octopus balls?” Jake interjects, shuddering at the thought. You feel the same. You’re not a very adventurous eater to begin with—which was part of the reason you suggested fast food last night. “Thanks, buddy, but no thanks.”

“Please?” Charles begs. “The restaurant is really hard to get reservations for! Their waitlist is several months long! That’s why I’ve had to order to-go the past few times…”

“If the waitlist is so long, then how did you get reservations in the first place?” You decide to ask. Something feels wrong about this, but you can’t quite tell what it is. You decide to wait for Charles to explain further.

“I made them a while ago,” he says excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to eat there for months!” Charles seems unaware of what he’s revealing by saying that. Jake and you exchange a look, before Jake decides to say something.

“…Charles?” Jake asks. Charles turns to look at his friend. “The reservation is for three, isn’t it?” That seems to be the likely conclusion, the more you think about it. If Charles wanted to go so badly, he wouldn’t just make a reservation for two people—he’d include himself in the reservation, too. You look at Boyle and await his answer.

“Of course, Jake,” Charles responds, squinting at him. Jake and you sigh. Charles just grins infuriatingly.  “I’ll pick you two up at seven!” He then disappears. You blink at the space he had occupied. That man needs to wear a bell or something, so that he doesn’t give you a mini heart attack every time he mysteriously appears.

You take a deep breath and turn to Jake. “He’s going to be third-wheeling the entire time, isn’t he?”

“Yep.” Jake says, shaking his head in disbelief. You can relate to the sentiment. Charles is quite crazy, sometimes.

“Well, that’s okay—our first date wasn’t exactly conventional, either,” you then acquiesce with a shrug. Jake freezes and stares at you with wide eyes. You immediately feel self-conscious. Did you say something wrong? “What?”

“First date?” Jake repeats, a strange expression on his face. It looks to be a mix of guardedness and hopefulness.

“Yesterday,” you blurt out, before you can realize your mistake. You had characterized it as a date, but you never confirmed that with Jake. You glance at him for reassurance. “...Right?”

“Yeah,” Jake remarks quickly. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.” The two of you are staring at each other and he takes a step forward to close the distance between you. Jake’s hands come up to bracket your face and he leans forward-

“I’m loving this tension.” You flinch and Jake freezes, before you turn to look at the new presence. Charles is standing next to the two of you once more, a starry look in his eyes. Jake sighs in exasperation and you look at Charles expectantly.

“Just pretend I’m not here,” Charles smiles, backing away a foot before continuing to stare at you. Jake’s hands are still cradling your cheeks, but evidently, neither of you are comfortable with kissing in front of Charles.

“Buddy-” Jake breaks off.

“Fine,” Charles sighs dramatically, wisely taking several steps back as he registers the annoyed look on Jake’s face. “See you at seven!” He exclaims, before running back to his desk and smoothly avoiding punishment.

“Now, where were we?” Jake says hesitantly. You roll your eyes and lean forward to kiss him, valiantly ignoring Boyle’s excited shrieks in the background.

[baronessblixen]

Prompt: 9. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

How the Ghosts Stole Christmas post-ep, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff - all the fixings: Bill Jr. runs into Mulder in the middle of the night and it goes as well as you might expect. (wc: 1,286)

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2023

Fictober Day 22: Cookie Theft and Other Crimes

He hasn't been sleeping, but he thinks that if he had, he would be wide awake now. Whoever is coming down the stairs isn’t quiet. Mulder watches and waits. It’s not Scully, he knows that much. She’d never make so much noise this late at night. It doesn’t take long until he sees the culprit. Of course, it’s Bill Jr.

Mulder gets up – quietly – and follows the other man into the kitchen, watching in amusement. This man, who hates his guts, and has threatened to take him down more than once, has snuck down in the middle of the night, to steal one of Mrs. Scully’s Christmas cookies.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” It’s dark, but Mulder sees Bill Jr. jerk, his hand still in the air.

“What in- what the fuck are you doing here?” Forgotten are the cookies. Bill Jr. stands up tall and approaches him. “Did you break into my mother’s house? I’m going to call the police.”

“Your mother knows I’m here,” Mulder says calmly. At least he thinks she does. He knows that Scully knows he’s here. Right now, she’s the only one who matters to him.

“Right. Why don’t I believe you? You weren’t here earlier. I would have remembered seeing you. Are you still not done harassing my family?”

“What is going on down here?” The lights come on and both Mulder and Bill Jr. blink in surprise. Mrs. Scully stands before them with tired, but furious eyes, wearing a big, fluffy robe. She looks from one man to the other, not caring who gives her an answer.

“This punk here-”

“Your sister’s partner,” Mrs. Scully corrects him and Mulder bites back a smile. Bill, however, snorts.

“Did you know he was here? He is sneaking around down here in the dark.”

“Would you rather I be in your sister’s bedroom?” Mulder realizes his mistake as soon as the words have left his mouth. Mrs. Scully isn’t quick enough and Mulder doesn’t even try to move away when Bill Jr. swings his fist at him. There’s a sound that reminds him of stepping on a branch, and the thought distracts him so much, that for a moment, he doesn’t feel any pain.

“William Scully Jr.! Have you lost your mind?” It’s only when Mrs. Scully touches his jaw that he notices the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and the throbbing pain that comes with it.

“He deserved it.” Mulder doesn’t argue.

“Go wake your sister, Bill,” Mrs. Scully says while she gets an ice pack for Mulder. “Sit down, Fox.” Her voice goes from livid to gentle.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Scully,” he says.

“It’s not your fault,” she says. “My son overreacted.”

“Did you know I was here?” She nods, holding the ice pack to his jaw.

“Not that Dana told me. I heard you two earlier.” Mulder blushes. There’s no reason to. They didn’t do anything scandalous. “She should have invited you all along.”

“She did. I didn’t want to get in the way of her family time.”

“Fox,” she says, giving him a stern look. “You are family. She missed you. I could see it in her eyes, you know? Not just you. Christmas is hard for all of us. It’s when her father… anyway. With what happened last year, in San Diego, I knew the day would be difficult for her. But she kept saying she was fine.”

“She always says that to me, too,” Mulder mumbles.

“That’s Dana for you. But you’re here anyway. I’m glad, Fox. I’m so glad she has you.” He nods, a lump in his throat. He’s not going to betray a confidence. This is not his story to disclose. He won’t reveal that Scully called him a few hours ago, her voice weak and trembling. She never asks for help. Never. Unless she absolutely has to. All he said to her on the phone was that he'd be there soon.

She opened the door to him and he took her into his arms. No words necessary. He held her as long as she needed it. They talked about Emily, and how she might have grown. How their lives would be if she were with them. Then, she finally fell asleep and he carried her upstairs. He could have left and maybe he should have. But he stayed on the couch, just in case. He’d planned to leave early in the morning before anyone else was awake.

“I’m the lucky one,” he says. “Because she’s in my life.”

Mrs. Scully is about to answer when two quarreling Scully siblings come down the stairs. He wonders how Bill’s wife and his son are sleeping through this.

“This is none of your business,” Scully says, pushing her brother away to get to Mulder. She immediately checks on him, her eyes full of worry. With her face so close, he can still see the redness from when she cried earlier. She’s touching his jaw gently, moving it this way and that.

"He started it," Bill says, but no one is paying attention to him.

“I don’t think anything is broken,” she says, her words brushing his skin. He smiles at her, hoping it’s enough of an apology.

“Well, then he can just leave.”

“It’s the middle of the night,” Scully says.

“So?”

“Fox isn’t going anywhere, Bill. He’s our guest.”

“I didn’t invite him.”

“I did.” When Bill wants to say more, his mother stops him. “He will stay here and have breakfast with us tomorrow.” She’s looking at Mulder now and it sounds like a threat. He nods quickly. “Now,” she says with a sigh. “It’s late and some of us are tired. Bill, go back to bed.”

“What about Dana?” he complains.

“She needs to tend to Fox, thanks to you. What were you even doing down here?”

“Oh, you know,” Bill suddenly changes his tune, walking toward the stairs, “I just wanted a glass of water.”

“There’s water upstairs,” Scully mumbles but either her brother and mother haven’t heard her, or they’re ignoring her.

“Hey,” Mulder says once they’re alone. “How are you feeling?”

“I should ask you that.”

“It’s not often that I almost get shot and beaten up in one night. Merry Christmas, huh? But I’m fine.”

“Why did he hit you?”

“Said something stupid,” Mulder says with a shrug. “I caught him trying to steal your mother’s cookies.”

“Well, thank you for guarding them.”

“You said your mother baked them for her church.”

“She did.”

“She would have noticed one missing.” There’s a gleam in Scully’s eyes all of a sudden and she turns to look at the cookies on the table. “Scully, no.”

“We can blame it on Bill,” she suggests.

“He hates me enough as it is.”

“I’ll let my mother know that you made sure neither of her children stole a single cookie,” Scully says with a low chuckle. “You’re gonna be her hero.” Her voice is soft and sweeter than sugar.

“Do you think you can fall back asleep?” he asks, turning serious again. “I am willing to share the couch.”

“I’d love that,” she admits after a pause. “Thank you for tonight, Mulder. I didn’t get to say it earlier. I appreciate it.”

“Even the haunted house?”

“Even that. I know why you did it.” She kisses his cheek and then takes his hand. She snuggles into him on the couch and is fast asleep in no time at all. Mulder closes his eyes and revels in holding her. He drifts off to sleep with the thought that Bill Jr. is going to flip out tomorrow when he finds them entwined like this. He can't help but smile.

[carefulfears]

And my girl Scully figured out that Diana and Phoebe were abusive to him and that’s why she was ready to disintegrate them with whenever they breathed Mulder’s air iktr. (Also to me that’s part of the reason Mulder was oblivious and defended them, people who are in abusive relationships are not always aware of it)

YUPP you’re literally dead right, anon, in my opinion. it really bugs me when people talk shit about mulder for “trusting” both phoebe and diana, as though that’s not like…the only thing he’s been taught to do.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between scully’s reactions to phoebe vs. diana. when phoebe showed up, scully had only known mulder for a few weeks. and still she knew almost instantly that something wasn’t right.

i didn’t notice until i rewatched fire the way that she never leaves him alone with her. if mulder and phoebe are working on something, you can see scully. against the wall, peeking around the door, pacing in the hallway. he tells her that she’s “off the hook,” that he’s not going to “put her through this” with “phoebe’s little mind games,” and she takes it upon herself to investigate phoebe’s case herself, until she solves it and phoebe can go the fuck home.

girlbosses catch serial murderers singlehandedly to get their best friend’s shitty ex away from them.

when phoebe was around, scully is passive aggressive as hell. constantly hanging around and making little quips and mocking her accent.

when diana shows up? five years later? she’s just aggressive.

she said nah, we aren’t doing this again 😭😭

(one of my favorite scully moments is when she snaps “and not just because i think that woman is a….well, you know what i think that woman is” and mulder is just like “no you hide your feelings sooo well” lmfao)

i really do think meeting phoebe so early in their partnership informs a lot about the way scully reacts to his exposure and relationship to other people throughout the series. she really doesn’t trust a soul around him.

i always think of this line from madness by kittenscully (a post-syzygy fic, addressing the detective white incident):

“A surge of righteous indignation at the notion makes her sit up straighter, and she bites her tongue to avoid a very unpleasant comment from slipping out. As always, she thinks of Phoebe, of his wide, trusting eyes.”

diana was scary levels of manipulative and violating. but diana loved mulder, scully knew that and used that to plead with her in the end.

phoebe didn’t care about anything but playing with fire. she got off on scaring him, crossed state lines just to fuck with his head and hurt him, just like in their relationship a decade earlier. mulder knew this, he knew from the start what she was doing and what she wanted, and he helped her anyway. he praised her anyway. he connected with her and invested in her anyway.

y’all know i’m always thinking about the script note about phoebe’s coldness “eliciting some old need in him to have her affection.”

by the time diana came back around, scully had sat on the floor of a hotel and watched phoebe smile and shake hands with bureaucrats while mulder couldn’t breathe.

scully had stood in the next room when his questions to his mother got him little more than a slap to the face.

it’s different with diana because there’s a lot more history and connection there, and because at that point there is heartbreak and jealousy on scully’s side (when phoebe was in town, she hung around in doorways. when diana reaches for mulder’s hand, she turns around and holds back tears in the car.)

it’s a difficult position for both of them. he doesn’t know how to do anything but appease and trust and be loyal, to help whoever asks. he doesn’t care if it hurts him, he’s been groomed his whole life for that, to feel like he deserves it.

it makes scully crazy. he’s her best friend. she can’t believe anyone would look at that kind of softhearted hope and want to exploit it or crush it, rather than look up to it, follow it, nurture it.

and it hurts!! it hurts to watch him fall back into these traps, and especially with diana, it hurts to feel that your input and relationship doesn’t matter enough to have influence. to not be listened to, to feel like you’re not being chosen.

she doesn’t know that he went to search diana’s apartment after she told him not to trust her. she just heard, “i know her. you don’t. scully, you’re reaching.” and watched him leave.

it’s just this perfect crossroads of each of their most vulnerable spots. scully wants to protect him, always, and she also wants to be chosen.

mulder has to stand by his allegiances, to seek ‘affection’ in cruelty, to play his role in the larger scheme. this is what CSM knew when he recruited diana into the conspiracy, and he knows because he “created” it.

you can’t judge either of them, they’re both following their natures, and furthering the narrative they were chosen for.

(until scully stands in front of diana and begs, “i just want you to think…stand there in front of me, look me in the eye”…and breaks the whole thing down.)

[casuallycryingoverbooks]

The night she had returned from Philadelphia Scully’s nose bled again.

She wasn’t an idiot.

She knew the signs and resigned herself to booking a doctor’s appointment in the morning. She still, believe it or not, had some friends-turned-acquaintances from her med school days. Among them was Julia Oakes, leading oncologist at Holy Cross Memorial Hospital.

Scully would make arrangements in the morning, go sometime in the next week before work, but for now she laid against her pillow and let the blood pool under her cheek, she’d toss the pillow case in the wash when she got up.

She considered calling someone, expressing her fears, but who would she tell? She couldn’t startle her mother with mere suspicion. Melissa was dead. Charlie was out following in their father’s footsteps and would not be home for several months, as far as she knew. Billy- well. Forget about Bill. And don’t even start about Mulder.

She didn’t think that she would even be able to look at him in the morning. Not out of embarrassment, because Scully wasn’t embarrassed. No. Scully couldn’t face him at the risk of spontaneous combusting from the rage that was coursing under her skin.

And congratulations for making an personal appearance in the Xfiles for the second time. It’s a world’s record.

How dare he. How dare he look at her like he was better than her. Like she was the villain for wanting something and having it go south. Wasn’t that his life story? He wanted to investigate an x-file and ended up getting injured. He wanted to find his sister and only got laughed at.

She was done. Not done with the x-files, she was fairly sure she was about to go down with that particular ship.

No.

She was done with him. She was done trying to be his friend, to help, to be his- something more. It was exhausting and quite frankly he didn’t deserve it and god dammit the blood was leaking in her mouth.

The coppery taste reminded her of rage.

She hated him. She vowed to herself that she would hold onto that rage in the coming months. That she wouldn’t let his akward, soft smile and apologies weaken her resolve,

But as the blood trickled down her neck she disdainfully admitted to herself that it wasn’t likely a promise she would keep.

[leiascully]

X-Files OctoberFicFest Day 15: Hollow

This year, I'm using the October 2022 prompts from @artpromptcal.

TW: canon typical discussion of death/post-mortem

For an office job, it's surprising how much time they spend in the woods. She supposes that they mostly leave the bodies in dumpsters and abandoned buildings to municipal authorities, which is part of it. The mysterious corpses are all in the woods, decomposing under leaf litter and tangled in roots. She's learned to prefer the open air. It makes the flies more bearable. Predation is a fact of death - she knows that - but crows and foxes seem a more dignified option than rats.

There are less sinister reasons to venture into the forest, too: reports of strange creatures and lights that can't be explained. That's what they're chasing today.

"The Ozark Howler," Mulder explains again as they hike. "A wolf-sized creature with the muzzle of a dog and the shape of a cat, Scully. You might think that would be strange enough, but you'd be wrong."

Scully steps over a fallen branch. "Of course I would."

He grins. "In addition to those anomalies, it has red eyes and horns."

"Astonishing," she says, crunching through the leaves. There's a nip in the air that chills the tip of her nose. It's apple weather. Firepit weather. The mountains around them are red and orange and yellow, stippled with dark green pines. Sunlight sifts through the leaves when the wind sighs.

Scully doesn't believe any legendary creature would appear in the daylight - too easy to document, for starters - but a day like this is impossible to argue with. They deserve an easy case once in a while. Besides, something is killing chickens. She suspects a mountain lion or coyotes, but the reports are incongruous. There are bears in these woods too, somewhere. Any of those things would have the power to turn chickens into the smears of blood and feathers in the photographs in Mulder's files.

Mulder isn't finished. "The first reported sighting was in the 1800s by none other than Daniel Boone."

"I've heard of him."

"Reports differ on whether he was able to shoot one, but multiple sources have described seeing Howlers over the years, even up to present day."

"Mmhmm." Scully sips from her water bottle. "How did we get called in for chicken murder? That isn't a federal crime, or we'd be arresting Colonel Sanders."

"Someone from the local field office tipped me off to this one," Mulder said. "Chicken's big here. Anyway, this thing could be crossing state lines. The Ozarks Highlands span a four-state area."

"I see."

The trail in front of them crests the hill and descends into a hollow lined with a bonfire array of maples. At the bottom, a sturdy wooden bridge spans a chuckling creek whose progress down the slope is punctuated by tiny waterfalls. The trail is cut into stone steps just a bit too high for Scully's stride. Mulder wordlessly puts out a hand to steady her as she climbs down. His grip is warm and strong. She savors the moment.

They stop on the bridge. Scully pulls two apples out of her bag. Locally grown, the sign said. She and Mulder lean on the railing and eat the crisp fruit. It takes her a moment to realize that the woods are loud around them in a way that's so different from the city: birds and water and rustling leaves instead of traffic and people. Peace steals over her. There are bones in these woods, to be sure. These mountains are old, worn down nearly to hills. There are always bones in a place like this. But they're hunting a beast instead of a human murderer. It's old-fashioned, almost sweet. If these woods are haunted, it's by ghosts that belong here.

Scully unearths a bag of trail mix. She suspects that Mulder's hunger is greater than apple-sized. Mulder leans his shoulder gently against hers. She doesn't shift away. There's no one to see them here. They can exist in their most natural state: so close that the clouds of their breath mingle and their fingers brush as they reach for GORP.

"Imagine the Howler in a place like this," he says, and she can almost see it: a wild thing, crouching to lap from the stream, watchful red eyes and graceful horns and a tail that lashes.

[deathsbestgirl]

scully's memento mori voiceovers. her love letter to mulder. leaving him something because she can't be there.

"i feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my burden, as i have come to trust no other. that you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now..."

trying to unburden herself, to leave him with the love in her heart and free him of the guilt of her death too.

"a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions, if not for which i may have never have been so strong now."

telling him how he's changed her world, made her stronger and is the only reason she can face this.

"hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you"

she wants to finish the journey with him but she can't. asking forgiveness for something that isn't her fault. leaving him is the worst thing she can imagine.

"that it starts as an invader, but soon becomes one with the invaded, forcing you to destroy it, but only at the risk of destroying yourself."

this is the whole show. scully sent to spy on mulder, to debunk his work. the pilot is about them developing trust and becoming a team. becoming so intertwined that they are one, two sides of the same coin. it's the whole conspiracy and why they'll never win. to do so would mean to destroy themselves and lose their innate goodness. to be like the men in the shadow government they're desperately trying to expose and to stop.

"it's science's demon possession. my treatment, science has attempted exorcism"

connecting science & her faith. her beliefs & her skepticism. somehow one and the same when seemingly at odds.

"and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was a possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done. and though we've traveled far together , this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone."

she doesn't want to be his next crusade. the next one he uses to nail himself to the cross. she doesn't want him to walk into every room with his eyes closed, hoping that when he opens them she'll be there. she knows him. she knows his pain and his guilt it, and she tries desperately to absolve him. love as absolution in the only thing she can give him now. these words before her death.

"mulder, it's difficult to describe to you the fear of facing an enemy which i can neither conquer nor escape."

the vulnerability she is consciously handing to him.

she writes of penny northern, a woman she loves and fears, envies and respects. because she faced what she knew to be true and tried to pass the strength and wisdom onto her.

"mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful, more than i could ever express. i need to know you're out there if i am ever to see through this."

she speaks as if he isn't out there searching for answers to help her, to save her. as if it's just his quest for the truth he's continuing. as if scully isn't the most important thing to him right now. as if his life doesn't depend on hers. but she knows. and she needs him to know everything he does is worthwhile. that she can't go into the darkness if he isn't there to light it up, even from afar. that he is light & love and making a difference in the world. in her world.

--

every time scully says "mulder" addressing him directly as she pours her heart out on page after page. leaving him with no answers, leaving him alone, dying before they reach the truth. it's a living nightmare. lying on her deathbed unable to help him, unable to give him what he needs. what he deserves. the prospect of leaving him with no one to trust, no one on his side, no one to love him and follow him. terrified he will follow her to the grave. that's what she believes her role is supposed to be, the end of their never ending line and she needs his to keep going.

[thursdayinspace]

I was going to do a complete season 1 review for the rewatch, but instead I did a close reading of this scene from 1x24 The Erlenmeyer Flask, because I can’t get it out of my head, I love it so much.

Scully: Wait a second. Mulder? I just want to say that I was wrong. Mulder: It's all right, don't worry about it. Scully: No, um, if you'd had listened to me, we wouldn't be here right now. I should know by now to trust your instincts. Mulder: Why? Nobody else does. Scully: You know, I've always held science as sacred. I've always put my trust in the accepted facts. And what I saw last night . . . for the first time in my life, I don't know what to believe. Mulder: Well, whatever it is you do believe, Scully, when you walk into that room? Nothing sacred will hold.

This is a big moment for various reasons. It’s a defining moment for their partnership. This is almost a summary of the season.

Possibly the biggest thing for their partnership is her admitting she was wrong and Mulder’s reaction to it. We don’t know this, but from all the context we have of his life at this point, it’s safe to assume that Mulder doesn’t get apologies very often. “I just want to say that I was wrong.” It’s important to her to let him know that. And that alone says something about the way she sees him. He’s generally seen as crazy and paranoid. But not by her. More than that, she sees him as a person with feelings that can be hurt, and she wants to make sure he knows that wasn’t her intention. “I should know by now to trust your instincts,” that is a huge thing to say and has to be something that needs a minute to sink in for him. She trusts him. Which is something he knows already to an extent, but to hear it said that openly after how vehemently they disagreed on this is a different thing.

In that context it’s worth looking at their exchange after visiting Doctor Berube. She tells him: “I mean, this has reached the point of absurdity, Mulder. We're out here on half a hunch off of a cryptic phone call chasing down a clue that's based on nothing but speculation.” She voices her mistrust of Deep Throat and Mulder asks her “You think he does it because he gets off on it?” To which she replies: “No. I think he does it because you do.” And then she walks off, effectively ending that argument, she doesn’t have anything more to say. She’s made her point. And to come back from that the way they do in this scene, that is a real testament to how much respect they have for each other. Yeah, he was right. And yeah, he gets that she has to ask the uncomfortable questions.

Just the fact alone that she thinks he deserves an apology is a lot; she doubted him and she’s sorry for that because she knows he’s not crazy. They’re partners and they work as partners. She’s not there with him right now because he asked her. She’s there because she genuinely wants to be and genuinely believes that his explanations of the facts hold value and that she takes them seriously. And nobody ever takes him seriously. He points that out to her right away.

In fact, his whole interaction with her in this scene shows a vulnerability that needs the context of the rest of the season to be fully understood. He could say all of these things to anybody else, word for word, and it would simply be the equivalent of a shrug and a “fine, let’s move on.” But with everything they have been through and with the way we’ve seen them opening up to each other, this means something very different.“It's alright, don't worry about it.” I mean. Shit. The thing is, it probably is alright on the surface. It is a way to shrug it off. Not being taken seriously has to hurt, but he’s used to it, so really, she shouldn’t worry about it, she’s there now and that’s all that matters. But it’s not all that matters to her.

His reaction to her telling him that she should know to trust his instincts? “Why? Nobody else does.” The way he says this, it doesn’t sound like he’s testing her. It sounds a little bitter, but that bitterness is not directed at her. After years of being at best ignored, more often ridiculed, of course he doesn’t have a more positive reaction to something like this at hand. But I don’t think there can be any doubt that it means something to him. She smiles after he says this, and that also says something: she doesn’t count herself among the people who dismiss him and she gets that he’s not dismissing her. She sees the self-deprecating humor in his response. She also hears the “thank you for not being one of them” in his response. His face stays sincere. He isn’t challenging her, but he needs to know why she’s sticking around. It’s such a loaded response. You can hear a lot of things in it if you want, which makes it such a well-written exchange: he is a little confused as to why she’s sticking around, he’s thanking her for being there, he’s bitter about and/or used to nobody believing him, I mean, hell, it isn’t even impossible to find a flirty note in there. In any case, he’s downplaying her apology not because he doesn’t appreciate it, but because he didn’t see it coming since most likely nobody has ever bothered or seen the need before. At the same time, he’s telling her he trusts her too.

Scully has had her beliefs challenged, and she shows right here and right now how much of a scientist she really is. She is ready to admit that one theory hasn’t worked, so she is prepared to examine a different one that looks more promising. This is one of her core traits: she never clings to her theories out of some sense of vanity. She doesn’t have to be right. She just wants to understand, and she needs facts to do so. Poking holes in things is part of science, to see how well it holds up. It’s about getting as close to the truth as they can. And with the evidence to support Mulder’s arguments, she can be convinced to have a closer look at his theory. She says: “I've always held science as sacred. I've always put my trust in the accepted facts.” And that’s what is being challenged here. This is seriously stretching the boundaries of what she accepted to be fact. But she doesn’t stubbornly cling to what she believes. It’s a process, and she respects that as much as he does. Their arguing is never just for the sake of it.

Scully says: “For the first time in my life, I don't know what to believe.” How big is that? But this is something that reiterates and reinforces something we have seen throughout the season again and again: they trust each other. She isn’t afraid to admit her insecurity to him. They’re faced with something she can’t wrap her head around, when knowing things is kind of her job? She makes herself very vulnerable with this statement. His response picks up on that and tells her she’s right to question everything: “Well, whatever it is you do believe, Scully, when you walk into that room? Nothing sacred will hold.” He’s telling her it’s okay, it is all a bit hard to believe. He’s well aware of that. This is not trying to convince somebody to try mayo instead of ketchup with their fries. This is about the fundamentals of her worldview. He does not expect her to be convinced. He is sure she will be impressed. But he accepts her doubt, he always does. “Whatever it is you do believe.” No pressure, but here’s a cool thing that will definitely give you some answers. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, but that’s a different story.

This little conversation between them is such a pivotal moment. It truly shows who they have become individually and as partners. It wraps up the season very nicely and at the same time cements the foundation of their partnership for season two. Because they can have a conversation like this one and understand what the other one is saying, their pining after each other at the beginning of the next season makes sense. They’ve become very important to each other, they show each other their vulnerable sides, they take care of each other. This little conversation sums that up perfectly.

[pjstafford]

The X-Files: Perihelion (A Book Review)

The X-Files: Perihelion is a book scheduled for release in July 2024. It is written by Claudia Gray with Chris Carter's approval. It is published by Hyperion Avenue. I want to thank the author and publisher for an advanced digital copy of the book for review.

In writing this review, my assumption is that the readers will be fans of the X-Files who have watched through season 11. The book picks up fairly shortly after season 11 ends. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW! I usually try to write spoiler-free reviews but felt that, in this case, I could not review the book fully without some spoilers. I think it is important to note upfront that the book does set itself up for future books - as a new series of books.

Will fans like this book? It depends on what the potential readers' engagement and perspective is on the series. In that case, it makes sense for me to disclose that information about myself. I engage with some X-Files content daily. I am a fan of the revival seasons. I hated the cliffhanger in season 10 but loved the majority of season 11 including the ending (although I understand why some fans did not).

The book opens with Scully pregnant, Skinner in a coma, and Mulder and Scully suspended from the FBI pending an investigation. The two agents are living together to co-parent, but their relationship status is undefined and there is some new distance emotionally due to the trauma they suffered at the end of season 11. Scully has returned to medicine and Mulder is considering his next career move. What I enjoyed about this feature of the book is that the closing of the X-Files did not seem to be a disaster for either agent. What I would change about the finale of season 11 is that too much time was spent with Kersch on shutting down the X-Files. To both agents' surprise, they are called back to duty on a temporary "let's see how it goes" basis to work on one case.

The case is that pregnant women are being murdered. The unexplained paranormal aspect is that strange electrical surges are happening at the scene of each murder. This was an excellent way to get the agents reinvested in The X-Files. It hits them in their feels and the reader is drawn in as well. This case is actually wrapped up long before the book's end. In the meantime, the agents have been assigned a second case and the first case is really a clue to the second case. I won't give away too many spoilers here except to say that the second case sets up future books. It takes existing mythology and twists it with a new substitute syndicate and new characters helping the agents. I found this portion of the book to be mostly very well written. I enjoyed it up until the point where I realized it was setting up for an ongoing series. This is the area where I think readers will have to decide where they are with their engagement with The X-Files. If you are a fan who really just wants the agents to continue to solve cases and protect the world from ongoing global conspiracies and you love the thought of seeing them solve cases together, you will enjoy the book and likely the series immensely. I was there at one point. In fact, at the end of season 10, I wrote my own longer fan fic which was based on what I envisioned a new series could look like. I simply am not there any longer. I would like to see this amazing story of these agents have the outstanding ending (whether happy or not) that they deserve as iconic characters. I would like to see an ending comparable to their journey instead of beginning another journey with a whole new mythology arc. This is not to criticize the writer or fans who want more stories, but, in the end, I was disappointed by this approach.

As to the answers to the burning questions left from season 11. What I really enjoyed is that Scully and Mulder find themselves coming together while processing their grief for William/ Jackson who they both believe is dead and was never Mulder's son. They did this very much in character. Scully is also looking for answers as to why she is pregnant at an advanced age and to the health of the child still in her womb. However, there are still no answers. Scully gets a hint William is alive. Mulder gets a possible scenario of how he could still be the father, but in the end, the fact of biological or not matters less than the parental love of a child which gives them the right to grief. There is no hint the current baby is anything but healthy and yet there is a plotline related to Scully's alien DNA that doesn't rule out the child might have powers. Yet the hope that the two agents could raise a child together, which is what I liked about the season 11 ending, continues. The timespan covered in the book is not long so Scully is still pregnant at the end of the book.

There are two additional minor criticisms I have about the book which I am including here at the end for feedback on future books in the series.

I liked the way the book ended. It is the way I think most fans would want it to end. However, it was only at the end, with so many of the plot mysteries left unresolved, that I realized the book was intended to be a fuller series. It felt sudden and abrupt. What I think was needed is more of a summary of what was resolved and more of a "launch" into the next book.

Because so much of the mythology of The X-Files revival was about a virus and the new mythology includes an alien DNA mythology, I was initially concerned because no mention of the COVID virus and lockdown was discussed. Then, of course, I realized that Scully was pregnant in 2018. However, there are pop culture references to more modern times. Of course, Mulder would be a fan of Strange New Worlds - which came out in 2022. If that seems a little picky on my part, it is just that the COVID lockdown was a pretty big deal and the plotline of the novel is about a global virus. I encourage the author to clearly set the year in which the novels take place going forward and, if the series will extend past 2020, then some careful thought will have to go into how to handle this. The X-Files has always been set in the real world. It will be a challenge for the author to think about how to address the lockdown from a non-alien virus while writing books about the global contagion of an alien virus.

Thank you again for the opportunity to review.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 12 thoughts

another episode that had me. STRESSED. OUT.

first of all... the episode being about an irish guy who sets the british aristocracy on fire... the insensitivity there is fascinating. the 90's really were a time, huh?

second of all this phoebe is very pretty and very bold to kiss mulder right in front of scully. i was shocked. and it kept getting more and more shocking! (shoutout to scully for averting her gaze when they kissed. a respectful coworker!)

and the whispered "she hates me" from phoebe and tiny waves goodbye while otherwise entirely ignoring scully's presence... yeah this is sick psychological torment

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he's terrified of fire! and this ex wants to get him involved on an arson case! what could go wrong? (seriously though why does he want to do this. why wasn't there another person who could take this case. i'm seeing no appeal to getting involved)

AND he leaves scully to go attend to this nonsense. betrayal.

! FURTHER MULDER LORE REVEAL ! the two broke up because she cheated on him which is revealed in the same breath as the fact that they hooked up on arthur conan doyle's grave. i will be doing my best to not psychoanalyze that and then failing. how can i look him in the eye with this knowledge.

(i think they're going for a sherlock-irene parallel here but counterpoint: i don't like it)

<3 <3 <3 scully in glasses... think my heart skipped a beat <3 <3 <3

this whole thing was soooo sick and twisted. when phoebe said "i've booked a hotel for the night" (cut to mulder in deep distress) that was evil

(also scully calling and saying she had something important and he completely blew her off... only for her to show up anyway... queen shit she literally said idgaf i'll solve ur case for you dumbass)

i'd actually like to copy out what i wrote in my notes verbatim for this next part:

"Mulder in a suit Phoebe in a backless dress. Tension is palpable oh they're dancing. SCULLY WALKED IN ON YHAT WJAT THEBHELL OH THEYREKISSING WHAT THE HELL OH SHW'S ROLLING HER EYESAT THIS OH SHE JUMPED IN"

i think that speaks for itself

but in case it DOESN'T: scully pacing outside watching them dance and kiss was distressing to me. i will reblog many gifs of this when i find them eventually. free her from this situation y'all she did NOT deserve it. luckily a fire provided an excuse to make her presence known.

when mulder was scared to go into the fire and then he passed out and then he pushed scully's hand away while she was shifting into Doctor Mode... nearly screamed. he resists the tenderness offered to him.

and then cutscene to him waking up in bed shirtless and she's there offering him water! phoebe brings him into this fire- his worst fear- and the symbolism of scully bringing him WATER!

and YET the first thing he does is: ASK FOR PHOEBE! MULDER I CANNOT KEEP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOU (phoebe once again entirely ignores scully beyond a quick goodbye the commitment to pettiness is remarkable)

then he shows up to save the family from being lit on fire and phoebe is kissing the dad. muldershockedpikachuface.jpg (was anyone surprised. raise ur hand if u saw this coming)

but he jumped into the fire to go save the children!!! because he needs to be a hero and conquer his fears!!

i think scully had a very raw end of the deal this episode and when she knocked on his door pretending to be phoebe and asked in a british accent if he was going to buy her lunch. well. she had a good spirit about the whole thing. it's important for her to be mean to him sometimes.

during this episode i fell victim to exactly what i knew the screenwriters were doing, purposefully provoking anger in the viewer through an outrageous ex that also served as character exposition in revealing mulder's background. but once again this episode proves that dana scully deserves the world for putting up with this nonsense and somehow still choosing to have a positive attitude. give her a raise and a vacation.

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Edition: Fics That Deserve More Comments (Part I)

There isn't enough recognition for these fics in my opinion-- and that's a shame and must be rectified! SO-- I'm pushing this list out ASAP, without the usual aplomb and probably half-cocked; but it's the final results that count~. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

**Note**: All of these will be in a more detailed list in future.

**Note Again**: I got too tired to thoroughly finish it all professionally; but I decided to hit publish anyway. Have fun reading~.

**Note the 3rd**: This is probably littered with typos-- will ghost edit later. >:))))

Very loose chronological order below~

@txcb1013/charvill1981's

Paths Most Dangerous

AU-- Pre-S1 Captain Scully is warned by his old mate about Scully's new job, both men realizing it has to do with the Piper Maru submarine.  

Save by the Sight of Her

Pusher Mulder observes Scully's hurt, betrayal, and quick wit with a gun to her face; but she still keeps him guessing.

The Longest Summer

Post IWTB Mulder had tried to garden himself out of depression. Scully takes some plants with her, hoping that some space will help him heal while not letting him hide out at home forever.

Role of a Lifetime - Chapter 3

AU-- Post IWTB Scully disappeared; and Mulder finds someone he believes to be her five years later. All is not sunshine and roses, with her slowly repelling the life she used to live. This chapter explores Mulder's heartbreak and her explanation-- it's not him she's rejecting, but her own fears of herself.

Rainy Day

Pre-S10 Scully returns, telling Mulder her cancer has returned. He then surprises her twice: by fainting dead away, and proposing immediately after.

Jo_B's

Anterograde

Deep Throat Mulder is deeply shocked and grateful at how capable, empathetic, and understanding Scully is after his rescue.

holocene 

Post Redux II Mulder crashes at his apartment as reality sinks in: in just 24 hours, Scully will be energetically packing her bag and going back home.

@agentmulderrp's

Unnamed

Squeeze Mulder is glad that Scully stuck around.

Unnamed

Irresistible Mulder regrets that he hadn't arrived sooner, realizing Scully's "I'm fine" is code for anything but.

Unnamed

Per Manum Mulder is so shocked at Scully's request that he gets a pencil bop to the face. (Set right after he and Scully started dating.)

That WALKERKid's

These selfish wants of mine 

Post One Breath Mulder breaks into his office and tears it apart.

No matter how it happened, I do love you

S8 Mulder massages Scully's feet aches, in awe over his baby's foot outline and "UFO’s, road trips and mummy and daddy being in love".

Of all the things this unremarkable house has seen

Pre-S10 Mulder jogs along, depressed and thinking he'll never be forgiven. Scully calls, trying to veil her concern.  

The questions we don't ask each other

S10 Mulder asks a Magic 8 ball if Scully will ever forgive him; and receives no clear answer.

pir8grl 's This Time

Mulder and Scully trade gentle touches, having escaped death this time.

AlineLovelace's Jericho

AU Scully's body has vanished; but her ghost keeps trying to get Mulder-- who haunts her 'grave'-- to move on with life.

forgottenwords's

Scar Tissue

S3 Scully contemplates her and Mulder's scars.   

Wagers

Mulder is mortified over Skinner's personal inquiry of his 'relationship.' Scully is mortified the FBI bet is in the thousands.

adamstanheight's hindsight is twenty-twenty

Monday Skinner is dry-mouthed and horrified as his two agents blow up in the bank, the guilt over his actions in S. R. 819 coming home to roost.

@i-turn-to-stare/iturntostare's An Early Morning, Late Start

Pre-Je Souhaite Mulder and Scully are late to the office that morning, but the only person who seems to mind is an increasingly panicked Kim Cook.

soulgyrl's

The Need To Know or Mulder's Dilemma

Post Three Words Mulder drops in to TLGs, trying to probe them for information; and after a mild conversations, he knows.

Mother Never Told me There'd Be Days Like This

AU-- Pre-Essence Mulder and Scully are on an undercover mission in Target, fruitlessly trying to corral a perpetrator with Doggett and Monica in a comedy of errors. Mulder ends up dragging Scully, and they both just settle for a night in with popcorn.

ophelia_interrupted's (Ao3) Consortium Downsizing (Ao3)

Crack-- The Consortium hate their accountant but still need him to balance their budget. They're completely broke, though, so they force the US to buy cookies.

@ladymegg/LadyMeg's

A Sprinkle of Stardust/Remembered Promises

Mulder and Scully are scared to death in a haunted house; but end their night with a date set.

Realised Desires (Part 2 of Remembered Promises)

Mulder finally swipes Scully's planner and schedules in their date for that evening-- for a breaking and entering... or not.

Leaving the Years Behind  

Scully has whined many a time through the years, and Mulder has quietly hustled after her, teasing and doting with lunches and nap times.

piece_of_the_stars's snow day

Mulder and Scully are up late-early, calling each other and reminiscing over Samantha and her snowman Kevin. Mulder offers to introduce Kev to Scully the next day.

missing piece

TINH Scully always thought she'd find Mulder alive or die first-- now she can no longer live in denial and must be ripped open.

liveonthesun's Now She Has No Choice

S8 ISTJ understands Mulder's goldfish while dreaming of him and processing her anger at his absence.

CaptainLyssa's

Mrs. Spooky Mulder - CaptainLyssa - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Scully is fuming-- a conference full of agents are convinced she and Mulder are dating, and his antics do not help at all. Finally, she just lets them say whatever they want; but her vomiting from a stress headache do not help matters. (I end ~Chapter 5... dunno why.)

Casper, Wyoming. - CaptainLyssa - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Post IWTB Mulder moves he and Scully to Casper, Wyoming; and she is furious when she realizes Will lives here as well. He didn't know, all is forgiven, and they end up adopting their own son at last.

Shopping - CaptainLyssa - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

AU Psychic Family-- Scully and her children are observed by a stranger, who can't quite puzzle how her whole family seem to be psychic... but that's ridiculous, isn't it?

Eating Out - CaptainLyssa - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

AU Psychic Family-- Mulder, Scully, and their precocious children are trying to retain a shred of normalcy while having a nice family outing.

simpletumbleweedfarmer's As Long As You're Right Here - simpletumbleweedfarmer - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Requiem Scully as a dream that Mulder had been taken, and cries it out in his motel room. It's, of course, realized soon after.

todaymyheartleapt's Swiss Omega - todaymyheartleapt - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Pre-Vienen Scully wore Mulder's watch while he was gone.

sisterspooky's The Artist Currently Known As Fox Mulder - sisterspooky (Livylovestabler) - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Revival Mulder is happy that he and Scully are in sync, singing a song until she catches on and strikes a deal.

@suitablyaggrieved/ScullyLovesQueequeg's

Day 17 - This Is Going To Hurt - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Mulder is shot on the job; but he convinces his superiors-- and Scully-- to let him go back and continue to talk down the suspect.

Something's Gotta Give - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Scully is swamped with Valentine's Day chocolates. Mulder descends into jealousy, stealing her candy here and there.

7. You’ve gone to the bathroom fifty times today.... - Post Tenebras Lux (tumblr.com) Ao3 Day 2 - You've Gone to The Bathroom 50 Times Today - Chapter 1 - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Post Never Again Mulder can't help but notice that Scully keeps running off to the bathroom, finally following her in and carefully asking her questions. Scully negates his suspicions, telling him her own.

Funeral For A Friend - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]  

AU-- Gethsemane Mulder died. Scully attended his funeral.

The Reticulan Roadhouse - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Post Dreamland II Mulder and Scully eat at the Reticulan Roadhouse, neither of them acknowledging its date-ness even when Mulder gifts his partner a pair of beautiful earrings.

Avoidable Feast - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Mulder and Scully are dating, and the two's lack of communication almost costs them the first Thanksgiving they wanted to celebrate together.

Day 20 - There's Nothing Wrong With You - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Scully is surprised that, while melodramatic, Mulder is actually sick; and lures her boyfriend over with a clean house.

Holiday Apologies - ScullyLovesQueequeg - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own] 

Post IWTB Mulder slowly readjusts to family holidays, visibly slipping into depression. Bill observes him; and buries the hatchet.

thespookyvariation's Letters - Chapter 1 - thespookyvariation - The X-Files [Archive of Our Own]

Post S9 Mulder and Scully read the letters each other had written during their darkest days-- his loss during her abduction and her fear during her cancer.

Enjoy!