#and i answer that he has been lobotomized many times

[pollsnatural]

These are just things that I kind of associate with Cas, but the options are endless. I'd be interested to read what you think Cas might've created beyond these options!

[at-weeb96]

I saw your ask game post, so I wanna ask these two:

Favourite moment in the show

Favourite "Important" headcanon (ex: Finn and HW eventually hooked up)

Favourite "Unimportant" headcanon (ex: Marceline and PB pulled a few strings to make the former happen)

LONG POST

ooh this is an interesting one. I have a lot of thoughts on this so strap in and buckle up my dude

Favorite Moment- Since I already said Varmints was my favorite episode and there are so many good character moments in the series, I'll have to go with the ending montage and PB and Marcy's reconciliation in the RC Mines. The ending montage just warms my heart to know there are still adventures to be had with our favorite characters and that our own interpretations and headcanons can take shape with the stories not shown (although they may have changed post DL and who know what's to come with F&C)

Now for the moment from my fav episode. This scene is what made appreciate PB's character and made her my favorite AT character. We see Peebles at her lowest point when she is no longer in control of her life and pushed away those she tried to trust and form relationships with.

First her "family" betrayed her and she was forced to "lobotomize" them to keep them from hurting her and her brother Neddy (if you remember, her hat was once a piece of Gumbald's merchandise) Then when she found someone to share her life with, she (Marcy) ended up "betraying" her too (and wrote a banger of a diss track in the process) And then she was betrayed by her own people and forced into exile from her home by that dilweed KOO (and even stole and wore her clothes that creep)

And the final nail in the coffin is when the Varmint Queen/Mother (whatever you wanna call that body-horror nightmare) traps her and Marcy in the mines and Marcy puts on her go-to coping mechanism and starts jokingly ridiculing Bonnie for the umpteenth time, PB can't take it no more and lets her emotions and insecurities pour out. But what does Marcy do? She listens to what her friend/ex has on her mind and tells her she has nothing to apologize for cause she's been through a lot of stuff too. And after all that, they finally understand each other better and reconcile their strained friendship (and eventually their love for one another)

And that's why those are my favorite moments from AT. Now after that long ramble, I can now answer the other things.

Important HC -I think when Jake died, since Finn took it really hard and become depressed like that scene in The Music Hole, PB and Marceline started being around him more becoming his supportive older sisters with BMO as his emotional support robot. (his mother Minerva would video chat with him every once and a while since a small human colony was established in Ooo like in the Season 11 comic issue)

Eventually Bronwyn would be interested by the stories of the adventures of her late grandfather from Finn's friends and wanted to explore the lands of Ooo and beyond with him. At first he was hesitant of adventuring without his bro, but PB, Marcy, Minerva, and Simon encouraged him to take her on adventures since Finn was instrumental in the betterment of their lives. And that's why she is with Finn post Obsidian (unless F&C contradicts this)

And finally Unimportant HC -Since it's shown in Obsidian that Simon most likely owns DB Guy's Tavern, Finn, Jake, Marceline, PB and everyone else we know and love from AT hang out and discuss their past and present adventures and their lives with each other each week.

Thanks so much for the questions. That was probably the longest ramble I've ever written online. Almost makes me want to colab with other AT fans on stuff, if I can get past my laziness and procrastination. I also want to shout out these other tumblrs who have made me the AT fan I am today (perhaps I should join discord again?)

@gunterfan1992 @uncivilizedelk @sometipsygnostalgic @j4gm @teethcritter @lobster-lover @loffican @marcydaydream @squeempus @crochetwithcat @artsywak @eeveryadventuretimes @oli-the-cat @ptoodle and @jacketpotatoo

❤Love you all, especially you @leironth (thanks again for the awesome ask)

[demcnsinmymind]

@thesoulofasurvivor​​ asked:  

7. what is one of your muse’s greatest fears? 12. does your muse tend to push themselves too hard?

sad headcanon q’s…  | Always open!

I answered the fear question a while ago so I’m just gonna copy-paste my reply to it here: I think his biggest fear is death. In two ways. One: the death of his ‘legacy’, name, and sense of self. Like being completely forgotten and not remembered at all for everything he achieved in his life. His job, his creations, his name and reputation are legit the most important things in his life. Two: the death of his body obv as in death in a literal sense. His body, appearance, and general humanity are just as important to him. Since he doesn’t do relationships and family and since his dad is dead and his mom is starting to forget him, he’s literally everything he has - himself. More so in my post canon verses were he lost his friends and team, too.

He can tolerate being alone so that’s not his worst fear. Sure, it isn’t nice and complete isolation did drive him insane, but it’s not the worst you could do to him. And I -like- how Collingwood exploited his specific fears. Like, the movie didn’t end with him being alone in the tunnels and simply starving to death all by himself, which could’ve been the worst possible outcome for most. It ended with him getting lobotomized. Literally completely stripped of his persona, character and sense of self, completely dismantled. With a direct attack on his body in so many ways, too. Like starving him and scarring him and generally forcing him to become completely unkempt and the exact opposite of everything he’d so carefully maintained with his appearance. That’s why I also changed the whole meta thing up for my 40s verse, too. I could totally see Collingwood topping it all of with trying to take away his name and whole biography, too, giving him a different name in the wrong time. That’s just the ultimate humiliation and his worst fear.

Does he push himself too hard? Oh absolutely. It’s basically his standard in every aspect of his life. Neither he nor I can tell you where it’s even coming from, because he did grow up in a loving and supportive home that let him explore and mature freely - without any real pressure or expectations. He just set them up for himself. He’s a perfectionist. He wants to make it big. Thus, he doesn’t allow any mediocre performances and outcomes. And once he got his show and became the head producer of it, he was expected to always deliver his very best. If he didn’t, his show would fail. His dream would fail. He wouldn’t have been able to keep paying his team. One of the many reasons why he was willing to do literally everything to make it great. Faking shit, overacting, bribing, endless overtime, complete workaholic mode, you name it, he’d do it.

One of the many reasons why he lasted the longest out of everyone when they got trapped in Collingwood was the simple fact that he was so used to immense pressure, stress, and fast reaction times. So yeah Lance = epitome of pushing oneself and others too hard. Literally the premise of the whole movie haha.

[boyfhee]

soo, jan 2020 i was addicted to watching funny videos on youtube, like a compilation of them. then i discovered bts funny videos or bts on cracka nd then they were so funny istg i still remember even laughing to them in my sleep.

then feb 2020 i actually search up who bts were since i have been watching their funny videos. for a month i thought they were comedians 😆 who make a living. and i actually see they a kpop group.

that's how i came across kpop, i wouldnt say my first comeback was on because the day i started bts, on era started. my first cb with them was dynamite and i never thought bts would become a world wide sensation :0 like how??? i love them

and my first kdrama, obviously TRUE BEAUTY!!! are team seojun or team suho ??? i am team seojun!! and then i saw 2521 and business proposal in 2022 after watching true beauty in 2020. such a long gap ;-;

my first bias is kim namjoon and then later in june when iland profiles were released, i knew that my 02z were my babes and jayhoon is my one and only unit. but in iland pt2, i inclined emotionally more towards jay </3 he is my heartbreaker :(

my first anime would be jjk, my friend forced me to watch anime so i started like sept 2023, so recently. megumi is my fav but gonna hate sukuna, stupid bitch :( and i live for studio ghibli films, makota shinkai movies too :( they are comffort 🫶🏼

sadly, i don't collect any kpop merch or albums but i have spy x family manga volumes till the last recent one 😁😁 my mom challenged me that if i secure first rank in my college semi finals, she said she would buy me as my bday gift :] and guess what,?? i was the only one who scored 75/75 in maths A and B 😤

these are my firsts btw. do you have anymore firsts rather than these, like love??? 😊

— lover club anon <33

bts as comedians TT these idols can very well be comedians cause they are so effortlessly funny lmfao .. also me too ^^ i became an engene in dimension : answer era but only a few days in or around the comeback, my first was manifesto :O and with bts .. i don't remember :'>

i've never watched true beauty O_O i started it but got bored and dropped it .. but i've seen seojun clips and i definitely support them, also because i lowkey am familiar with the storyline since i've read the webtoon + it's a bit predictable. but, i LOVED 2521, made me cry so much .. and 20th century girl too TT my heart was in pieces, i wrote so much angst during that time hehe and since you've watched business proposal, PLEASE READ THE MANHWA 🙏🙏🙏🙏 it's 100 cuter, better, funnier >< they even have kids omfg .. the drama is no doubt amazing but it can never top the manhwa for me

speaking for manhwas .. do you read them? or webtoons? i was a huge fan of them even before getting into kpop and all but my interest has been wavering lately .. trying to get back into them !

i don't think i had a bias in exo / nct at first because i wasn't really familiar with all this stuff ?? besides, i only listened to their music and didn't watch their other vids .. but now, my bias in nct is renjun TT love him sm, can we just free him from the sasaengs :/ and bias in enhypen is jay, obviously TT i have so many reason, but it's mostly because i like his mindset ( also he's hot as well i feel like i need to be lobotomized whenever i look at him )

my first anime was haikyuu, and of course cause my friends forced me as well .. then i watched jjk which i absolutely love, sk8 to infinity, ohshc, free!, assassination classroom— then i sort of lost interest and switched to studio ghibli and other movies. forest of fireflies is still my favourite and broke my heart a million times TT i took a break from all that too before getting into spy x family and my most recent one is my happy marriage and romantic killer, that i'm planning to watch

i don't have kpop merch either .. i had the option to buy the orange blood album last year but my smartass said she'd rather buy crime and punishment and a few other books that i haven't read yet, mind you.

also my first love erm ... i don't think i've had anything so serious for it to be 'love' ( i don't play around when it comes to that word ) but i've had two boyfriends and one of them was exhibit a for why men suck !!! bro had no sense of personal space and violated my privacy SO MANY TIMES. 10/10 not recommended. although my first bf was sweet and it was lowkey dream come true type of relationship, i'm sad we moved to different cities and don't talk anymore despite being in touch TT do you have a first love or something?

[fuckmyclitcunt]

Human:

Why is existence so difficult?

When I was a child, I felt melancholic and shy, not anxious just shy people made me feel like I didn’t belong it never bothered me single handed though, not until I found out how pathetic the people who desired to isolate me operated as time went on. I loved my life but everything I enjoyed got put down and turned me into the laughing stock in elementary, still never bothered me- maybe I wasn’t aware? There are days I want to go back and hug that little girl and tell her there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s perfectly fine doing things on her own to her hearts content. Individuality was not something I could grasp as a child, but somehow I was able to curate it and remain tame and strong; that little girl was in touch with nature and she was wise she knew how to move and was the most generous and sympathetic character I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, although it most definitely got her put down. Being too nice is a real thing. When I got older I got more sensitive and started appealing to the spiritual world, I started masturbating at 11 years old hearing voices at 12, my mental was completely destroyed at 13 years old. I regret not being able to be a child. From 11-20 I was hella bipolar and emotionally abused by my parents mainly gaslit and degraded. I don’t want to become my parents. It’s so difficult to maintain connections with the toxins that float around in my brain, I love people and am not a harm to society more or so myself. I didn’t find a real fight until I was 21 I got into this raging spiritual debate with a nazi predator whom was trying to groom me, he was my friend from the past but when he showed me who he was it instilled this part of me that saw the world in many other aspects politics have never been my strong suit but Jesus Christ when I feel strongly about something and how unsafe I was I’m gonna fight and strive. I love myself. I use to tell this boy everything, he took all my energy I was drained/burnt out for a good year but the pain persisted for more than a year. It felt like I was having a continuous heart attack, chest pain 24/7 my heart hurt so much for reasons I couldn’t understand. Being a targeted individual makes me susceptible to other peoples projections, I’m not vulnerable anymore lol not after I got SA’d and cyber lobotomized. It sucks that this world can turn a lighthearted girl with so much faith and hope in humanity into one who craves supremacy and power to protect herself and others. I’m not happy with where I am, but in general I’m working on it and I’m getting better, this journey has not been easy and my oppressors don’t make it easier and I don’t think I care, I can’t conform to a society that subjects me to a specific group that I don’t even associate with, being an open minded person will be the death of me, but to become one of you snowflake bigots is problematic because I won’t be able to accept myself. I never was looking for approval I was looking for answers, and I found them and I’m not disappointed; being able to move forward is what I cherish in this society, if you ask you shall receive; this world is never going to be nice to you. I love you please never give up no matter how many more situations arise, life is war and I know what I’m fighting for. Thank you god for allowing me to make it to 23, and allowing me to heal the things that needed the most work. I try.

[uroborosymphony]

In the year 2023. Two centuries have passed since the Great War Against the Witches. Two centuries since Calista escaped from the Order, after her arrestation for her crimes against humanity.

Tales from the past live under the cold skin of The Lamia. Wars that never truly ended in her mind, raging their ever afters within her soul, wars she dreamed of reviving. Reaching her 600 years old of age has transformed her many times, from a royal of the Joseon dinasty, to a unhinged beast feeding on rage and desolation, to finally, a dormant menace. Since her defeat in the 20th century after the Great War against the Witches that started in the 19th century, Calita disappeared from the radar, being a wanted war criminal who escaped right before her trial - and yet she never stopped envisonning a way to finally get what she wanted : her Death, her liberation. An obsession that evolved and raised her plans to higher levels in the 21st century. Not only she wanted to terminate her existence, it was immortality all together she was aiming to take down. A grand scaled insanity nobody was aware of, as many thought the Monster defeated. The Lamia knew where her opposition would be when she starts moving : the Gods themselves. And The Moonlake Order, as well. The latter truly played a game in defeating her during the Great War - and was still looking for her, to this day. To have Sarang by her side was either a savior or a nail in the coffin for the both of them, two heads these clowns might come after, sooner or later. Calista traveled then, silenty, discreetly, to corners the world she knew members of the Order might be found. Was it risky? It was but since she has decimated her own council and her armies got defeated, the Lamia had no choice but to work alone, to do what it took to answer her interrogations : will the Order stand in the way? The creature is wearing her usuals in these modern times : a suit, of immaculate white, blending with the whiteness of her hair as well, thick and large black sunglasses on. The first on her list : Nae-Gil. The last member who crossed blades with her, the one that cealed the handcuffs of platinium around the Lamia's wrists the night she got arrested when the war was won, surrounded by both the Mother Witches from all the covers and the knights. Calista still remembers the helmet then, that was put on her head, one meant to block her hyponotic and manipulation powers, along with the restrains all over her body that were piercing through her flesh, to prevent her from using her hands and legs ; along with powerful spells casted by the legendary Yokhulan, the Grand Priestess of Sihege, to keep Calista in a lobotomized harmless state. The day of her arrestation was a day of celebration accross the material and immaterial realms - However, the Calista escaped not so long after - justice was never made for her crimes. Nae-Gil was a legend in the Order itself, the most talented Knifeman she had encountered. Calista was a prideful entity, but skill recognizes skill. Her observations lasted for days as she watched the man for afar, living a life she did not suspect he would. It all came to that little place in the heart of the city, where the sun was blocked by the shadows of the leaves above. A gentle wind in the trees. A waitress places down his order, he's sitting at a table for one even though two chairs are there, as if Nae Gil was expected her to meet him there. Calista's heels echo down the floor, one after the other, slow, mechanically royal and stern, as she always have been, while she makes her ways in between the customers tables to finally reach him. The lamia sits down the chair by his side as her attention remains on the surroundings.

"I have been observing you, Knight. I do know you do know that."

The Lamia wasn't so naive and knew perfectly a warrior of his calibre could feel when he was being circled. "It however was a surprise for my hands to remain free. No restrains as I walk this ground. I could only assume you have not made that call yet, for your comrades to come, seize and lock me again." The Lamia exposes,as her eyes then slowly drifting to him. "Wouldn't that be useless. I have escaped once, therefore I will always." It was important for her to notice that : even though Nae-Gil now knew she was still alive, he did not seem to have warn the rest of the Order. Why? "I'm curious, Knifeman. To what do I owe such a warm treatment?"

            for @theimpalpable

[rattle-em-spooky-jones]

Ahh had a cool idea for a Parallax plotline and just thought I’d jot it down here.

This was kinda all inspired by the panel where Hal finds out his ring took out his fear and he’s like, you lobotomized me?

Taken from there, Hal’s pissed and tries to confront the Guardians, but they deny any involvement and threaten him into still working for the corps. In reality the ring lobotomized him on its own to make Hal the best Green Lantern he could be, but the Guardians are definitely aware of this.

Time passes and Hal continues to go on missions, but something strange seems to be happening. Hal has trouble with a mission because he empathizes with the person he had to hunt down, but 2 months later Barry confronts him about his lack of empathy towards the people he’s been saving. He’s reluctant to leave for another mission because he misses his nieces and nephews, but he skips his next two vacation times to pursue another mission. In one mission, Hal has trouble deciding what to do because there are too many conflicting factors, and a month later Batman is chiding him about his recent streak of increased impulsiveness. Hal doesn’t really notice any of this.

Then, something horrible happens. It could be the death of Barry or anyone else he is close to, or it could be the destruction of Coast City. Hal grieves intensely and feels depressed the day of the news, but the next day he wakes up and just feels numb. He knows he doesn’t process grief like this. He knows this isn’t how he feels sadness.

Then, he remembers what the ring did to his fear.

Now well and truly pissed off, he barges into the guardian’s lair. He confronts the guardians who give are evasive but give a non-answer of ‘the sadness weakens your willpower’.

Hal snaps. Parallax is born.

He kills all the guardians he can, though a few escape. Some Green Lanterns come in to stop him but he kills or injures them badly too. He spends the next year hunting and killing all the guardians he can, along with anyone in the way. John and Guy come together at some point with a few other lanterns to stop him. They try to talk to him at first, and Hal does respond peacefully. But then they ask about why he’s doing this, and when Hal tries to answer he finds out he physically can’t speak about it. This sends him into another fit of rage and he tries to kill the guardian again, injuring John and Guy in the process. After this encounter, they’re both convinced that something went down behind the scenes and are determined to get to the bottom of it.

Sidenote: Hal and Kyle meet when Hal goes to hunt down the (already dead) guardian that gave Kyle his ring. Kyle tries to to reason with him. Hal takes a liking to him and only knocks him out before he leaves. Basically their relationship is the same one Parallax and Kyle had in the comics.

Before Hal kills the last guardian he is hunting, that guardian reveals that it wasn’t only his sadness and fear that was taken, other emotions and feelings like empathy and thinking things through (I had no clue how to word this better) were also taken from him. The guardian’s last words would then be along the lines about how they (the guardians) created the monster that was Parallax.

Hal is distraught by the revelation and disappears for a while, but then gets hunted down by some of the remaining lanterns and maybe a few of the justice league like Green Arrow. Some stuff goes down and Hal ends up sacrificing himself for something. (You can tell I got lazy about the details at this point).

After his death, the Green Lantern Corps reforms but with some senior Lanterns taking charge. John and Guy (in the background) find that the ring has been messing with their emotions and has taken out their fear too, which they bring to the new council. This council is shocked and horrified at this, and work on a way to prevent the rings from doing this as well as a way to bring back the emotions that others have lost. The reason they don’t know about this is because their species don’t feel enough fear for the ring to consider it a problem. They also consider this when thinking about Hal and he gets a pardon from the corps, though not everyone is happy about that (since he killed many of their friends and family).

Then gets revived as Specter, and now he finally has all his emotions back to properly process everything (as there’s the whole, how much of him was he truly at the end? and does that even affect how much he is to blame?)which helps in his redemption arc. 

Hal eventually becomes a Green Lantern again, after a long healing process. He’s still and will continue to be a bit of a polarizing figure within the Lanterns, but he feels more himself than ever.

[ask-octoberotto]

so you said that you could see other universes or something

have you seen your counterparts, what are your thoughts on them being villains?

do you think you could have become one if this apocalypse never happened?

I have at the very least spoken with some of the denizens of other dimensions but I’ve personally never ventured fully outside of this one before though there was one time I did briefly meet with other Doctor Octopuses (Doctors Octopus?) in this.. event? It was strange but I am hesitant about describing anything further than that since I’ve seen at least two other Ocks on this site I’ve met at that event.. I’m fearful that they’d do something to me.

With that said, I have encountered my some of my counterparts… and I’m honestly terrified by them. When I spoke with them at first, I was under the impression that were just strange but fascinating individuals who had some similarities to me. They seemed friendly enough.. But then some of them started to to tell me about what their studies actually entailed. All the horrors, the cruelties they inflect on others… And they expected me to be okay with it! Because they were okay with committing atrocities and blatantly disregarding human life! One even tried to compare my work with the NH virus with their work (will not go into detail but let’s just say this man who tried this with me has the tendency to lobotomize his victims and use their brains for the creation of robots.. among other things he’s done).

It made me feel sick. I ended up leaving the event because I didn’t feel safe there. And ever since I’ve been looking into OsCorp and their potential ties with the old Umbrella Corporation, those many of other Ocks seem to be more aligned with the kind of horrifically unethical science Umbrella was infamous for and the science OsCorp secretly does in the present.

It just.. makes me feel so alone knowing that these people who could’ve understood me better than anyone in my dimension are monstrous. I.. a part of me envies the Spiders for having better connections through groupings such as the Cluster but, I don’t hold it against them. I just wish I had a community similar to them, that’s all.. Though, I should thank @ask-spider-man-61610 for being the one to introduce me to the Cluster.. I may not know them too well and I may not talk to them as much I want to but I do admire them for what they do.

The answer to that last question would be a solid no. Even after getting my arms, I had no desire to really use them? I just wanted to keep them a secret from most people. I spent my whole life trying my very best to help others to the best of my ability. That’s why I became a medical doctor in the first place. And even though these some of Ocks were trying to justify their horrible deeds through whole “greater good” thing, I strongly believe that the ends don’t justify the means. Especially when said “means” are unspeakable cruelty.

No outcome can ever be justified by such means. And I’m not about to sacrifice my humanity for a tarnished outcome.

[thegeminisage]

what do you think are some of the biggest pieces of evidence for cas being ace? i've watched so much of the show in the past month that it all blurs together, lol, so i can't remember many specific scenes. i do remember "i'm utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (though that wasn't about his own orientation) and cas' discomfort at idea of sleeping with women at the bordello in 5.03... anything else you can think of? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!

rubs my hands together okay a List yeah i can do a list

wait actually first i wanna say that the biggest reason is because i’m asexual and i said so 0:) like i know that sounds a joke and it is a little bit but SERIOUSLY it’s just a general Aura or what the fuck ever about people. you know how sometimes a friend group formed in teenage years will one by one realize they’re all queers and they just grouped together organically? ace people are like that too. many of my closest friends have been aspec and i didnt even know that when i met them, THEY didn’t even know. but like if you asked me to list the ten people i was closest to over my life the huge majority would be aspec like me. we find each other In The Wild. so when i say he’s ace because i said so like i’m saying I’m Ace And I Can See Him. He Is Ace Because I Said So. my ace-dar is EXCELLENT

okay anyway with that out of the way here’s your actual list. obviously much of this can be a point in favor of many different readings of cas (and i’m not saying those can’t be true at the same time as ace cas!), but i’m ace and he’s ace and that’s what this post is about so i’m focusing on the ace parts. thank you.

list of ace cas evidence:

in general cas has a lot of trouble connecting with humanity at first which is an ENORMOUS ace mood

when dean cracks in the 4.01 deleted scene “yeah i have that problem with women” (after cas talks about the difficult in finding a vessel that can contain him) cas absolutely does not get that joke. we were having ace cas moments right from the get-go

it’s shown as early as 4.02 that cas doesn’t understand personal space. this is him not getting one single thing about human intimacy works and that he’s overstepping a boundary. it’s not just that he’s an angel (though that’s some of it) he just doesn’t intuitively understand physical stuff like that

that dean/anna kiss in 4.10. LOOK AT HIS FACE. that’s a face that says “i had no idea this is how humans were intimate with each other” and also “do i want to try that?” answer: maybe. dean’s very pretty. but something about it just feels like he’s going “whoa i never even CONSIDERED that” - like that to be sexy with the humans he’s into just didn’t occur to him

i know you said so already but WOW 5.03 brothel scene. THEEE ace cas moment

i’d also like to take a moment to tip my hat to 5.04. almost every aspec will have had a period of frustration and self-loathing where they thought at least once about maybe just having sex they weren’t into as a way to be “fixed” or to prove something. when aspecs are at their lowest and most broken, they are having sex they do not want to have. and when cas is at his lowest and most broken (in 5.04 AND 9.03, thank you), what is he doing? having sex! it’s just Interesting to me that the only times cas fucks is when he’s literally in the absolute worst points in his entire life 

also, i’m getting out of order here, but that thing in 9.03 was absolutely rape. the way he talked about it after was THEEE most comphet bullshit i’ve ever seen. “that was nice.” “she was...sooo hot.” dean winchester can’t fool me and neither can cas thee tiel. 

i know everyone was uncomfortable with the cherub in 5.14 but cas was SUPER uncomfortable. “no one likes it” yeah that’s cause he’s not a big touchy-feely dude 

i actually really hate that porn scene in 6.10, but it is a classic “i don’t get it” moment + a side of “monkey see monkey do” later when he decides to mimic it and kiss meg. she started it - he’s just going “oh yeah i remember watching that on TV - like this, right?” he’s pleased with himself for correctly mastering a form of human interaction, he’s not, like, horny. 

didn’t get the erectile dysfunction joke in 6.19

obviously, godstiel’s utter indifference to sexual orientation

strongly implied to be in a chaste marriage with his “wife” daphne when he was an amesniac

being repeatedly lobotomized in season 8 is its own can of worms. they were trying to make him straight. alas, it cannot be done

meg propositions him in season 8 and it takes him a bit to catch on. i don’t think accepting means he’s not ace, just that he’s interested in stuff humans do. would have been nice for his first time not to be with a psycho reaper who got him to trade his virginity for a pb&j :/

cas seemed REALLY nervous at the prospect of the date in 9.06, almost like it was something he had to steel himself to do - yet another weird part of human life he was resigning himself to, especially after metatron told him “go find a wife and have some babies” when his grace was taken

cas in season 10 is UTTERLY oblivious to hannah’s advances, even the ones that include nudity (and his own nudity at one point lol), and when he finally catches on he lets her down in the most awkward way possible

in season 11 he says he’s gonna take dean’s temperature and doesn’t see how that’s weird lol

he never got to truly speak to dean about his weird “””attraction””” to amara but i like to think he would have been equally confused

in season 12 in the hotel room where an orgy had clearly just taken place dean snickers and picks up the panties but cas is totally oblivious

ALSO completely oblivious when the waitress hits on him in season 12

this is a little bit of a stretch, but despite being named as jack’s “real” father, his relationship with kelly, his ostensible baby mama by proxy, seemed INCREDIBLY platonic to me. like they were such good buds! but he never had any of that romantic chemistry with her - there were no lingering notes or touches or whatever. he just wasn’t interested in that same way. 

exasperated with gabriel and talking about porn stars in season 13 lol

canonically, castiel spent seasons 4-?? falling in love with dean, but he never made a move on him physically - yeah yeah the CW is homophobic but i like to think that most of castiel’s Urges where dean is involved are not in fact of a sexual nature. he wants to be close to him and important to him more than he wants to fuck him. you can long for someone in the ace way without longing for them sexually yk

this is part of why i actually really liked the 15.18 confession - the happiness was in the being, or whatever. he was already WITH dean in almost every way that mattered (i wrote a fic about this). they shared secrets, they shared burdens, they lived together, they fought and worked together, they even raised a fucking kid together! cas was convinced he couldn’t have more than that but also he didn’t really NEED much more than that and thinking about how he had been with dean all along was what made him happy enough to literally die. yeah there’s a version of that scene where the reciprocation was enough to do it but they accidentally hacked it into an ace love scene so i will TAKE it

this concludes my list! i bet it’s a lot longer than u were expecting

[spn masterpost]

edit: a few updates

[pallasperilous]

Piledriver

Dean/Castiel 1815 words Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair Coda, Fix-It (sort of), Grief is a weird and protean beast, Second Person POV, but also Dean POV, I realize what a tall order that is y’all but I swear it’s mad judicious {AO3 version}

You’re not really sure when you started doing it.

That’s a fucking lie. 

You started doing it ten, maybe twenty minutes after. 

Not as a conscious thing, not like those snappy comebacks you think of the next day, or like those speeches you practice in your head and then never get the chance to deliver. (Although it seems like other people have better luck in that regard.) 

It’s more like a tic — like the way Sam used to pick at his hand, or your mom used to hum the same little bit of Stairway to Heaven offkey. (Which was kind of a trip since she’d come back from, you know. There.)

You think: I love you, too. 

 It’s just a drumbeat of syllables running in the back of your head. Might as well be shave and a haircut. Which you could use, incidentally.

It eases off a little, after the universe ticks over. You’re so fucking relieved that you basically revert to a lower life form for awhile — you’re like a jellyfish, or a fungus, or a Yankees fan. For a few minutes there, things are pretty sweet.  

Then the clock starts running again, and you and Sam are faced with the frankly fucked-up necessity of needing a hot meal and somewhere to pee. 

It kicks back in then — during the peeing, specifically, because goddamn did the dude never get over what a fucking nightmare it is to have a bladder. Like it actually made him mad. Even after he got his batteries back and was once more able to, like, effervesce fluids out of his body or teleport them to the surface of Mars or whatever, he never stopped giving you pitying looks whenever he got up to use the can. On the road he’d ask if anybody needed a bathroom break at every single freeway exit. You chewed him out once that you in fact were not a four year-old or an Alzheimer’s patient and could therefore hold it for more than twenty minutes at a time, and he looked at you with such bottomless patience and empathy that you could’ve thrown him out of the fucking car. I love you too.

Instead of a heartbeat, it’s like a piledriver hitting the ground ten feet away.  

I love you too. It rattles your fucking thighs as you wash your hands in the gas station bathroom. None of the other dudes do because dudes are fucking disgusting. This attitude was maybe part of the problem.

I love you too. You come out and the car’s moved and you have a hot second of freakout, then you see Sam’s just pulled it away from the pump and parked in the lot and honest to God (go team!) you almost burst into tears. What the fuck.

I love you, too. 

That night you do your absolute best to lobotomize yourself (not to obliterate yourself, which is a sign of progress and for which effort you absolutely deserve a round of applause from…somebody), but the piledriver just keeps on pounding away and you realize that it’s either piledrive or get piledriven. Sam’s asleep six feet away after his own inpatient procedure but you’re really fucking starting to panic so you say it out loud, anyway. 

I love you, too.

And something gives, eases off like a gas bubble turning a corner in your gut, and you pass out.

So you lean into it. You make it your thing. You figure you can either be losing your mind, or practicing, so you choose practicing. You’re showing the powers that be that you’re keeping the faith. You’re holding a torch.  You’re being the change you want to see in the world. You’ve talked to coma patients before and you’ve prayed to this asshole before and this isn’t any different. Isn’t it?

Washing the dishes: I love you, too.

Checking the oil: I love you, too.

Swinging a machete and hitting that sweet spot between vertebrae where the head just pops right off, like a Lego dude: I love you, too. 

Pulling on socks: I love you, too.

Burning that fucking jacket: I love you, too.

Not out loud, or at least, not where anybody can hear you. That would be weird.

And you know, you know, that he doesn’t hear you, either. You know that, worst of all, he didn’t even need to hear it. You’ve heard a lot of shit about unconditional love, but it’s never had any goddamn appeal to you because, what? Somebody loves you the same no matter what fucked up shit you do, no matter how you feel about them? 

That’s either (a) some seriously poisoned Kool-Aid or (b) so huge it’s useless, like giving somebody a galaxy for their birthday. You want unconditional love? Get a fucking dog. 

I love you, too.

Lately you’ve been swapping in phrases that have the same rhythm or meter or whatever, so you can say them out loud without worrying anybody more than usual. The rain in Spain does some heavy lifting for a couple weeks, then ba-DUMP-bump, tissshh! followed by the king of beers for about half a particularly shitty afternoon and then closing out with you bet your ass, which is a much better fit for your lifestyle. 

So fine, great. Life goes on. You were the subject of his unconditional cosmic love-boner whatever and getting that off his chest was all he needed to go happily fucking off into the abyss. And you’re still down here (up here? over here?), drinking coffee and hating Mondays. Awesome. I love you, too.

This is around when you discover the best match for both meter and tone yet, one so close that it doesn’t even feel like a placebo for the real phrase. It’s a whole different drug, actually. It makes you feel like a million bucks, it’s absolute rocket fuel. If the original is whiskey, this shit is meth. You turn a whole nest of ghouls into one big ghoul smoothie and then at the bar later somebody nervously informs you that you were yelling it out loud the whole damn time. 

The phrase is: go fuck yourself.

You imagine it at night, lying in the empty bed, your pulse hammering in time: him standing there, one big cow-eyed khaki rumple, and you yell: Go fuck yourself. You asshole. You bastard. You smug piece of shit. Go fuck yourself. How many times have we done this, and every fucking time you find a way to make it worse. Go fuck yourself.

I love you, too.

After a few weeks it loses its edge. You kinda knew it would, having some experience with the limits of amphetamines and your own rage-juice glands. It downgrades from a battle-cry to a slur. At some point you realize you’re not even saying it to him anymore. You’re saying it to you. Go fuck yourself.

You try to imagine him saying it instead. Go fuck yourself,  in that nutso Sam the Eagle voice that he must’ve gotten out of a box of Cracker Jacks, because it sure didn’t come complimentary with Jimmy Novak’s dry-ass mouth.  Go fuck yourself, Dean.

Somehow it’s still the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to you. 

So you go back to the OG version, and this time it feels like it settles in. You do whatever the psychological equivalent is of buying it a dog bed and a food dish and a leash, and you take it out for walkies whenever it starts to chew on the furniture. I love you, too. 

You get so used to its presence that sometimes you even forget it’s there. You’re joking around with Sam, eating sandwiches at some picnic grounds on the way to Sioux Falls for a social visit, and you say some dumb thing to him, who knows about what. Sam rolls his eyes and shakes his head in disgust as required by the kid brother certification board and snorts “I love you, man,” in the way that means how are you even allowed to exist, and you answer “I love you, too,” in the way that means I love you, too.

Sam has seen a lot of wild shit, but the look on his face after that is a brand new one to you. 

“Checkmate, asshole,” you say, in case he’s worried you’re gonna off yourself in the bathroom or something.

 You do get to say it, eventually. 

Like most things in life, it happens after you’ve totally given up, and then totally given up giving up, and have achieved the spiritual equivalent of that shrug emoji Claire sends you sometimes. When the phrase is well past thinking about, when the words don’t even carry any meaning anymore; they’re like the thought version of blinking, or swallowing. A background process, until something flies into your eyeball or you try to breathe a tortilla chip.

So the tortilla chip shows up one day. Don’t worry too much about the details here, just take it for granted that it either required a heroic effort of years that nearly broke you, or that he just showed up unsolicited on the porch like a copy of The Watchtower. Or maybe you’re both dead; seriously, who cares, because regardless — he’s there, and you’re there, and for awhile other people are there too, but eventually they go away. 

And it’s him, and it’s you. And if you hadn’t absolutely digested this thing in advance, if you hadn’t broken each word down into its atomic particles and cut and pasted them into your DNA so that 45th century forensic anthropologists from Mars could extract it from a fragment of the the mummified marrow of your left ass-bone, you might’ve said something else. 

You said: “I love you, too.”

You realize, in the moment after you say it, that you have reached the limits of your preparations. You’re a samurai with a single move; you’re the cannon in the 1812 Overture; your photo’s in the dictionary under one-trick pony and you’ve got frosted tips and you’re blinking. 

You say it again, and then a third time, and a lot of times after that. You keep saying it, for years, in varying degrees of franticness and horniness and happiness and honestly still-fucking-angriness and whatever else is on special that week. You say it to his face and to his dick and to his back and to the mere concept of him well after he’s left the room, left the state, left the dimension. Eventually you stop bothering to say anything else to each other. There are maybe half a million words in your native language, according to Sam, who uses them all, and with everybody else you keep on using the two hundred or so you feel confident about. 

But with Castiel, you make do with just the four.

I love you.

I love you, too.

[karmanticmoved]

pick any OCs for these!! whoever you feel has an interesting answer lmao, feel free to talk about more than one per question :D

😨 fearful: when scared, do they go into flight or fight?

🙊 speak-no-evil: what is something your OC will refuse to stay quiet about?

⚾ baseball: can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power, etc.)?

🎵 music note: what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

❤️ red heart: their love language(s)?

🙏 YESS i will talk sooo much. apollo my bestie beloved ilu

😨 fearful: when scared, do they go into flight or fight?

I'm gonna talk about carson, my fnv courier for this one. ok. so.

carson doesn't really scare easily, after dealing with being shot in the head, many many deathclaws, the legion, being lobotomized, fighting a whole ass war, etc etc. but he does get scared sometimes, mostly when it's something at stake, like lives of his companions or the threat of harm to a group he's inclined to protect. whenever he gets scared, his first instinct is always, technically, fight. though sometimes that's just acting impulsively rather than actually fighting, but it's the same instinct. he throws himself headfirst into things with no regard for his own life as is, so there's little hesitation. honestly, he barely even has the instinct for self preservation at all. but whether that's something stemming from all of his head trauma (bullet to the brain, lobotomy, several concussions), or something he already lacked, he can't quite say.

🙊 speak-no-evil: what is something your OC will refuse to stay quiet about?

hmmm. I think I'll talk about jesper 4 this one!! he is a chiss sith lord & my absolute favorite swtor oc ehehe

jesper has a very strict moral code set for himself, despite, or even because of his status as a renowned sith lord & alliance leader. he has more than enough experience with the dark side & those driven by evil that he can tell when things are likely to bring consequences. anything that he deems a risk to the alliance, to the galaxy, or especially to his wife and crew, he immediately speaks up about. unrest between imperial and republic soldiers is addressed the moment that gossip reaches his ears, reports of potential traitors are investigated, and absolutely no bigotry is tolerated. he does sort of enjoy telling people off about their misogyny and alien racism. but that's just because he and his wife love to clown on people whenever possible, especially as they are both aliens and he drinks his respect women juice daily.

that got so off topic but that's ok bc I love him <33 anyway. anything deemed a risk is immediately discussed to some extent, no matter what.

⚾ baseball: can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power, etc.)?

NOW is time for my haikyuu ocs. ok . Ok!!! i I only talk about... a few.

sakuma, kyoya, and kiya. sakuma is the 3rd year vice captain of the wolves and is a key part of their defense and is a powerful spiker. kyoya is the wolves' starting setter and kiya is the deer's starting setter. theyre both second years & they all play volleyball (ofc)

using the official hq stats system:

sakuma / kyoya / kiya

power: 4 / 4 / 3

jump: 5 / 4 / 4

stamina: 4 / 5 / 3

strategy: 4 / 3 / 4

technique: 3 / 5 / 4

speed: 4 / 4 / 5

🎵 music note: what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

I'm gonna talk abt my rbwy oc kiyoomi bc ive been listening to his playlist the most recently tbh.

a lot of the music steers towards punk stuff, more rebellious and fuck it attitudes because that's his general. vibe. BUT. there are also a couple songs in there regarding his family issues, mostly with being neglected and ignored and the least favorite child even after he was the only child around.

the song my grand plan from the tlt musical (its about pjo annabeth and her family issues) is on there specifically because. he's a fox faunus. he's incredibly smart and witty, he's talented enough to do an awful lot, but he was so. ignored and not allowed to extend his abilities that he got fed up with it all.

also teenagers by mcr <3 he is an incredibly pissed off teenager that knows full well how fucked up a lot of the world around him is, and he's so prepared to bitch about it and say fuck the government.

❤️ red heart: their love language(s)?

doing dominick (my fo3 lone wanderer) for this because he's an asshole who's trying to figure out how to Show Affection at all.

more than anything, his main love language is acts of service. but not in the traditional sense, but a fallout sense. hell watch your back without complaint or even a request to do so. he'll make space in his life to accommodate, like adding an extra bed to his house in megaton. he takes care to save food and water and medical supplies that he plans to share later on. he'll even take a bullet or a stab wound to show that he cares.

his second love language is quality time. just travelling, mostly. he willing brings someone with him, willingly allows them into his space and life, and protects them accordingly. he only gets close to people who stick around him long enough, so quality time is important after he cares as well.

both of the love languages are most obvious in regards to charon because of how frequently they travel together. others who've taken note of dominick have noticed the casual manner that he just. takes care of charon when he can. doesn't seem to mind spending time in his company, especially if they're both quiet.

overall it's just. the way he quietly makes room in his life for another person with ease.

[theblogchelor]

The Bachelorette Week One aka Love In The Time Of Cholera

Here’s What Happened Tuesday

The tragedy of Clare Crawley: she spent a lifetime telling Bachelor franchise men to eat rocks while patiently awaiting her moment in the Bachelorette sun, only for a man across the globe to eat a raw bat and crush her dreams in an exquisitely unfortunate way.

But alas, not all hope is lost. After one hundred and thirty days of self-pity and desperation baking, a conversation with Chris Harrison that went something like “so we cancelled all the international trips but could only afford a La Quinta?”, and two weeks of quarantine in just a La Quinta, Clare is back.

But First! Let’s Quarantine

The men, like Clare, must undergo two weeks of Quinta Quarantine and a battery of Covid tests before Chris Harrison can violate all HIPPA protocol and inform them of their test results. The men spend their time doing what restless men in isolation do: reminding invisible women that they went to Harvard, practicing juggling and other lady-wooing skills, and refusing to wear shirts.

Somewhere, just a room away, Clare waits to meet her dashing suitors, all of whom react to every Covid nasal swab as though they have just been lobotomized by an ice pick.

All cleared, it is time to pretend that the world isn’t burning and load the testosterone mobiles for night one.

Let’s Meet The Men

We don’t have to spend much time on the first string of clowns: Riley with the esoteric attorney jokes, eight-foot tall Jordan, pregnant Jason.

Ivan is a multilingual aeronautical engineer, which immediately over-qualifies him to be anywhere within a hundred yards of Chris Harrison.

Kenny is a boy band cover band manager. Please take a moment to reread those words. Please also remember that Lou Pearlman, the manager and creator of both the Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for many, many crimes. This is a dangerous line of business.

Mike brought flip flops for Clare to change into when her heels started to hurt. It would be impossible to understate how devastatingly sexy yet underrated of a move this is. He is the anti-Pearlman.

Bennett, the wealth management consultant in a tuxedo, most certainly watched American Psycho at a formative age and found something that resonated with Christian Bale’s performance of working in finance and murdering women in his apartment.

Let’s Keep Meeting Men Since We Have Nothing Else To Do

Jay greets Clare in a straitjacket, which is romantic in a way that only physical confinement from bodily harm can be.

Not to be outdone by the straitjacket, Chasen shows up in a knight suit, removing his armor to reveal the face of a man who has never read an entire book.

Yosef brings moon pies, which infuriates Eazy. According to Tyler C. (no, this downgraded version), Yosef also allegedly messages women on Instagram, much like the middle-aged men who invite themselves into your inbox with greetings like “hello beautiful how is your day” and “please beautiful send photos of your feet.” Tyler C. is sent home.

Blake Moynes was also guilty of an illicit Instagram DM slide, but because Clare was the recipient of his late-night horndog messages, he gets a pass.

Dale is unmemorable. Just kidding; Dale releases his pheromones and Clare becomes instantly weak in her sequined knees. If in nine months People Magazine runs an exclusive on Clare’s night-one immaculate conception, we will know it was from seeing Dale walk out of that limo.

The Calm Before The Shit Show

ABC is promising quite the drama this season, riding on the plotline of Big Dale Energy. To be honest, Clare answered a phone call from Chris at the beginning of this episode by saying, “oh my god, sick, hi,” so if we have to part ways with a 39-year-old woman who still says “sick,” I think I am okay with that.

That being said, we have already made emotional connections with Clare’s dogs, and thus I am praying the dogs have a season-long contract that is separate and distinct from Clare’s.  

[rupertgayesarchive]

surgery anon again and YEA I remember all my questions. the big ones were... who sent him back. i was like hm cas died b4 Chuck died. Chuck possibly sent him back to save himself? OH ALSO did death send cas back to save himself (herself? is billie dead. the death sent him back theory is sponsored by a line in chapter 25 where dean is thinking about sending sam a postcard and an old man is staring at him being like send ur brother a post card before it’s too late. racked my brain for who r old men in supernatural who could do time travel and would be not evil but not making things easy either. and my sister was like ‘oh well death’) ALSO i went in for a long while about what cas would do when he got his memories back. i remember being like the fic is INSANELY in character so we should draw our conclusions from what already exists in canon, like 7.17. so cas would probably start worrying immediately about if they ended up defeating Chuck and probably assume that Chuck sent him back. also he’d probably worry that he like.. took advantage of dean or something because he’s insane. and then I was like he’d probably want to know if Chuck, assumed to be the one who sent him back, was in like current timeline heaven. also at this point my sister began giving input as well she became my sounding board lmaooo. we were like well he wouldn’t be able to go to heaven probably so he’d need to ask an angel.

also I was very jntersted in this because cas having positive relationships with some of his siblings is... very nice to see and the most underutilized part of spn. so I was like he’d probably wanna call or summon an angel to talk. but also a ton of angels that he personally killed would be alive again and I think he’d feel really guilty/overwhelmed so he wouldn’t wanna trap any of them? so I was trying to list off all the angels that cas canonically was friends with or implied to be close to prior to Lazarus Rising. and my list was like... ok samandriel, hester, balthazar. a bunch of others who im forgetting right now. but then my sister was like wouldn’t naomi simply have lobotomized them. and I was like oh true!! well... balthazar faked his own death prior to season 6. and he and cas were canonically very good friends before balthazar went to earth. BUT, balthazar stated that cas rebelling was the final reason that he decided to fake his death. BUT ALSO... I feel like.. the timeline works out like 2008 cas pulls dean out of hell. 2009-10 he rebels against heaven. there’s like a few months period where Balthazar could have faked his death and then around a year to fully embrace hedonism. so I feel like... even before cas rebelled he would’ve been like shirking his duties or something in an Aziraphale good omens type beat. this also accounts for naomi not paying attention to him. SO LIKE... also this is just an elaborate explanation for why balthazar, who I love, should be in ur fic. but I think for these reasons it makes sense that future cas, with this knowledge, would summon balthazar for help? questions? idk, I just liked cas having an angel who was friendly with him and he trusted. i mean your fic has given cas so many friends and I love it I’d be fine if you didn’t introduce any new characters at all! i just thought it’d be interesting to see and also be a good way to introduce like you know.., broader angels i suppose. if the time travel shenanigans are sticking to the s1-2 timeline angels couldn’t be super heavily involved, unless cas butterfly effect-ed it (which is mad interesting) anyway I think cas would be panicked about the future and last and would wanna ask about the state of heaven, if Chuck was there in the current timeline. and I think it’d make the most sense and least disturbance that he summon balthazar. because they were friends and also I don’t think balthazar would like.. tell anybody.

im literally SO sorry this is so long and I’m like hm. maybe i should send a second ask with more thoughts. anyways i hope you’re having a good night im feeling better already :)

i’m loving the ask box essays, truly we’ve never been more free when we’re allowed unlimited characters in our messages to other tumblr accounts.

i guess i shouldn’t be surprised that people wonder how cas got sent back, like that was one of the first things i knew about this fic, the who did it part, but in my mind it didn’t really matter/isn’t as interesting as what happens BECAUSE he’s sent back (you will get an answer to the ‘who’ btw. eventually. there are some hints in my fic as well as what some people have commented and things that are in my heard from your mother au tag on here...)

when cas gets his memories back, there are several things happening at once, so he may need to put his 12 years of trauma on the backburner for a bit lol.

angels will appear to some extent as well. i think it’s interesting that despite some of the higher-ups making remarks that cas has a ‘crack in his chassis’ and had to keep getting mind wiped, quite a few other angels seemed to like and respect him, at least earlier on in the show. he had enough, idk, charisma? to lead angel armies. more than once, too! that, combined with the fact that other angels besides him need to get sent to naomi imply (even if spn didn’t really do much w it bc, you know,) that a decent amount of angels may be more into humanity and free will than we’d think. i’m sure we don’t see so many of them later on bc, you know, most of them are dead, but at this point in the show? who’s to say. cas spends enough time reading about class consciousness that he starts an angel union against lobotomies lmao. they can’t take ‘em all, right?

i also think cas needs to end my fic by having twenty hand made friendship bracelets worn on both wrists at all times and ppl constantly blowing up his phone bc he’s that guy!! :) 

[ask-spider-man-61610]

When was the time you were the most frightened?

...

You can’t ask me things like this.

I’ve played chicken with my own PTSD too many times on this blog already. Some of the shit I’ve described here has sent me into day-long spirals just from recounting them. And now you’re asking me to single out one specific moment from all the--the horror and the devastation I’ve witnessed, all the creeping darkness of the back alleys and the fires of burning buildings and the scalpels of mad scientists, and you want me to tell you about the worst? I don’t even know what moment that’d be.

The time I passed out from blood loss in Midtown High and hallucinated the doctors figuring out I was Spider-Man?

The time the Kingpin had me bound in chains and explained in detail what he’d do to my family the second he figured out who I was?

The time a swarm of genetically-altered rats cornered me in the sewer and almost ate me alive?

The time Dormammu almost absorbed Manhattan and I stared into the literal abyss as the skyscrapers crumbled around me?

The time I was pinned down in an alleyway and dodging Chitauri fire with less and less room to move?

The time Venom stepped out of the shadows of my apartment and attacked me?

The time Ungoliant ripped open the portal hub and tried to eat the multiverse?

The two separate times I’ve been locked in an asylum and relentlessly gaslit and threatened with lobotomization?

The shittiest part is that I’m not even fucking done. I could keep going for probably another hour. But I won’t, because I can already feel myself on the edge here. Take this for a damn answer. I’m gonna go huddle in a corner until I’ve calmed down.

[gold-eyes-vengeful-heart]

Resolve

((or: Runya eavesdrops on some conversations.

Contains spoilers for the Emerald Weapon part of the Weapon questline! Also contains many mentions of violence, abuse, and also contains Runya being an asshole.))

===

Blue disapproved of Runya sneaking back out of his room in Terncliff. It sloshed around the back of his mind like water in a shaken container, never quite settling long enough for him to be able to ignore it.

“Oh, come now,” he muttered to himself, still using one hand on the wall to brace himself lest his overtaxed body fall over entirely on him. “You know as well as I do that I can’t help but be...curious about who they found.”

He couldn’t help but be curious about what, exactly, these children were up to. Why they would leave one of their own behind for the wolves--or the Wolf, rather, he realized with a dry smirk--when they had more than enough time to take her with them. Or at least that was how Sorin recalled it, once Runya had been conscious enough to start asking questions.

(It was almost as if they wanted her to be found, Sorin had said. By us, specifically. But we’re their enemies, aren’t they?)

Yes, they were. Anyone who would point what was essentially a giant gun at the lot of them and do their best to pull the trigger was, indeed, an enemy as far as Runya was concerned. And yet...something strange was going on here, if siblings supposedly close to one another were deliberately leaving one of their own behind. Specifically for Baelsar, Sorin had said.

Well, maybe it was past time someone found out what was going on. Even if he had to squeeze the answers out of the girl himself.

His ears pricked up as he caught wind of a conversation, though. Between that lancer woman and the man he had just been thinking about, even...and it sounded as if she was recounting the Empire’s treatment of her. It was enough to get him to roll his eyes; anyone under the Empire’s banners would have similar tales, and recounting it to a Legatus overseeing it seemed like a futile exercise. And yet. Yet.

“To think I served under the same banner as those vile creatures..”

He sounded...disgusted. And something about the hypocrisy actually blanked Runya’s mind of any snide retorts or even anger. The man who had been in charge of Gyr Abania. The man who had instituted working camps to blight the landscape with his Castrums. The man who had been directly responsible for and the man who had overseen cruelty after cruelty. The man who had taken children from their parents to raise as his obedient little child soldiers.

This man. Acting as if he, somehow, had no idea of what the Empire was doing to those caught under its bootheel. Over corporal punishment that was depressingly commonplace even with the people it deemed worthy of being counted as actual ‘people’.

{...What?}

Blue’s distaste for Runya’s being up and about even stopped, going still as a millpond save for that one immensely confused ripple in its surface. A few images of the Black Wolf in his armor, fuzzy and contextless as they were, flickered through Runya’s mind--

And he laughed. A short, disbelieving sound at first, and one that rose into a full-throated cackle in very short order, indeed. It had gotten both the Imperials’ attention, and though his everything kept hurting even more with the laughter, Runya just sauntered towards them, spreading his hands wide.

“Oh, Baelsar, Baelsar. You missed your calling as a comedian, it seems.” The wide smile on his face felt as plastered on as it looked, and now that the confusion had abated, anger roiled in to fill its place. “Either that or you are possibly the worst liar I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. You just didn’t know, did you? Really, now, if I were your friend here I would be positively insulted that you thought that little of my intelligence that I would fall for a blatant lie like that one.”

And at that, Baelsar tensed right up. Good. “I didn’t ask your opinion, Runya.”

Runya leaned in, fangs showing in a significantly sharper smile. “And I wasn’t asking your permission to give it, Legatus. Or has your age gotten to you and you’ve started mistaking me for one of your soldiers?”

“Father?”

The timid female voice from behind him made his ear turn slightly before his head did. The Auri woman who it belonged to nearly backed into her Duskwight handler in surprise, and Runya’s continuing sharp grin did little to dissuade her that the reaction was a wrong one. 

“Oh, just the person I had been thinking about,” he chuckled, “at least before your Father Dearest grabbed my attention. I take it you’ve come to speak with him?”

But she just stared at him with wide eyes, nodding...but speaking to him instead. “You’re...you’re the other pilot. The one with the blue dragon machine.”

“The IXth Legion’s glorious Resonance testbed, and so on, yes yes.” He waved a hand idly. “I am also exceedingly curious.”

She blinked. “About...?”

“Well, what else?” He pointed. “They left you behind for us. Intentionally, if dear Sorin was at all correct, and he usually is.” 

And at that, her face fell, but his stare bored into her until she finally responded. “Rex...Alfonse...they...they wanted me safe with Father.”

“Even though,” Runya drawled, interrupting, “we’re currently your enemies? Are you sure they were--?”

“I’m very sure!” she retorted, showing a bit of fire in her tone for the first time--though she immediately winced as if she expected something for it. (A quick little thing that Runya saw but made no comment on, as much as he noted it for later.) “We weren’t going to use the project for Lord Varro’s ambitions...”

And then she trailed off again, as Runya cocked his head to one side and took a step forward. 

“Then for what, exactly, were you wielding them on his behalf?” he asked, his smile a bit less sharp now. “If it was even on his behalf?”

Her fists clenched. “We were going to use the Weapon program to defeat him. Defeat the Empire. Make a better world for those like us, even if we would never live to see it.”

His eyebrows were slowly rising, now, but he didn’t interrupt.

“Father always said that the strong should fight for those who can’t fight themselves, and the Weapons are strong. But the Weapons would never get to their true potential without the sheer amount of aether primals have.”

But this time, before she could continue, Runya casually turned his head to glace out of the corner of his eye at Gaius. “Baelsar? I believe you might have actually lobotomized them if this is the plan they’re coming up with.”

He jerked like he was struck. Good. So Runya continued.

“I mean,” he continued, smiling slyly, “Blue wasn’t at his full potential either. It never drove me back into the Empire’s arms to do some mass murderer’s dirty work just to follow my own ends--and they are their own ends, no matter what pretty words and noble intentions they dress it up in.”

And the Auri woman blanched, even if she stood her ground.

“In fact, it’s arguable that I very well ran the risk of messily dying for defecting. Not just because our overlords would have been displeased, but because the Empire had long since carved me open and stuffed me full of artifacts and cared little for what that would do to my long-term longevity outside of their care. I was never expected to be far away from it, you see.”

The casual admittance left an awful silence that he took full advantage of once more.

“She said it herself--the Weapons were powerful. They were the only ones who could pilot them, too, I would wager. Why not simply take these powerful Weapons and go to the very people sworn to defeat the Empire if that was their ultimate goal? If they need primals’ aether so badly--why not bring them to us and ask the people who fight primals and have studied them the most about whether there’s any other way to enhance them? Why fight the biggest thorns in the Empire’s side and try to kill them if you want to stop the Empire so badly?”

He just sighed, rolled his neck to loosen the tension a bit, and turned to walk off, his tail lashing behind him. “One would wonder if you cared about them at all, Baelsar, if you didn’t bother teaching them basic logic. Or maybe they just learned from Father about their ends being the only ends that matter, no matter what means it requires for means? But my course of action remains the same, when and if we do find these other Weapons...I am going to kill them and anyone who pilots them. I said that I would rip the entire Empire up root and stem, and I meant every word of it. Even when it comes to you. All that matters is if you would put your neck on the chopping block now or later.”

He cared little for these fool children and their equally-fool plans. He cared little about noble intentions, when noble intentions but led to hell. All that mattered to Runya was that they were working for the Empire, still, and that made them his enemies. 

And his enemies would die. Or he would.

[lukeyhughes]

so the other day i reblogged a post and vagued about my issues with gk’s framing of iraqi tragedies in the tags, which was then replied to and that reply was circulated. while the reply was awesome/insightful/interesting i feel like my original point sorta got lost in the shuffle. i wasnt going to make a post about this for a bit but i feel like its been consuming my thoughts all day so i’ll elaborate what i meant under the cut! 

gen kill is david simon show, so like all david simon shows the thesis is “people exist in inside of a broken system.” in this case, the broken system is the marine corps chain of command and the people are the marines who have to carry out senseless orders. this is shown in many ways, including pointless dangerous missions (see: the bridge, danger close, etc.), how capable enlisted men are vs. most officers, how the “only good officer” nate is punished for rational choices, and how the marines have their spirits crushed because they are forced to senselessly kill iraqi civilians.

when i was in first year of undergrad i took an african studies class that in one seminar problematicized coverage of the Rwandan Genocide: how many times have you heard/read a Romeo Dallaire interview/account? how many times have you read/heard an interview from a genocide survivor? how many times have you seen pictures of bodies/skulls of genocide victims? the answer for the average person is a lot, hardly ever, a lot. with the iraq invasion, the questions would be: how many times have you heard the accounts of coalition soldiers about the iraq war across media types? how many times have you heard accounts of it from the iraqi civilian perspective? how many times have you seen statistics regarding the amount of iraqi civilian casualties? a lot, hardly ever, a lot.

that is all to say that in western media/society we are very comfortable listening to white narratives and just seeing brown bodies, which translates into only hearing white narratives of the tragedies of the deaths of others in foreign countries. in generation kill, iraqi civilian casualties/fatalities/tragedies are framed so that we feel sympathy for the marines that caused them as opposed to those suffering. that is not to say that we as the audience do not feel sympathy (i certainly do!) but it is because of our own internal empathy, not the narrative framing of the show.

let’s take a look at three of the biggest cases of iraqi civilian tragedy and how they’re framed in the show:

first, when rudy goes up to the roadblock and sees the dead little girl in episode 4. we get quite a few shots of the father’s shell-shocked face, but just as many are shots of rudy’s horror/sadness; we watch him walk away from behind from rudy’s perspective and we see that rudy is unable to look away from them. rudy didn’t actually have anything to do with it (aside from abetting i suppose), but even when he gets back to camp the show makes sure to illustrate how affected by it he is, ignoring brad and ray who call out to him. this one is actually surprisingly gk’s best example of eliciting sympathy for iraqi casualties; however, the focus of the scene is still on rudy and the father’s reaction is still mostly used to contribute to rudy’s guilt/horror.

the next scene is the little shepherd boys who were shot by trombley while out with their camels. we see the mom crying over her son, but its basically background noise and is if anything used to further the marines’ (particularly brad and doc bryan to a lesser extent) guilt at causing the situation. we know this because her actions don’t exist independently: they are used for the marines to react to. we also get considerably more shots of marines looking on in horror than her crying about her son. brad’s guilt/sadness about the subject is dwelled on for about twenty minutes over the next two episodes, longer than any of the actual victims’ screen-time dedicated to their feelings combined.

the worst scene is the man in the white car, which sets off the main drama for the next episode. we get why walt did it- the show goes out of its way to make sure that we do- but at the end of the day a man is still dead, likely for no reason. in the aftermath we get about a hundred heartbreaking shots of walt’s shocked face, with a few of brad thrown in as well. on the other hand, we get no shots of the people in the car being horrified at seeing someone they know lobotomized. we just see them run away, no sadness no horror no nothing: from the show’s narrative perspective, this man’s death has no impact on anybody except for walt and the other marines. to make matters worse the man’s face is only shown when the marines notice how horrifyingly disfigured his body is; to me this is robbing the real man of his dignity even in death. 

let’s take a step back and look at gen kill’s general portrayal of iraqis. we don’t really get to see the marines interact with civilians until they reach baghdad when they go into rundown neighbourhoods. here, the iraqi men are portrayed as greedy and dumb, cutting in front of children and not understanding that there are other types of government. that’s not to say that that didn’t happen in real life- i’m sure it did- but it’s essentially the ONLY view of iraq civilians we get: ignorant, greedy, backwards, etc. deadass the only sympathetic iraqi characters in episode 7 are children, where we get a couple of UNICEF-esque shots of doc bryan holding crying kids to drive home that guilt factor. i bring this up because it means that the iraqi characters are not written so that you feel bad for them or empathize with their terrible situation. instead, the narrative wants you to empathize with the marines (in this case, particularly nate) who feel guilty for causing this chaos that they can’t do anything to fix it. 

the only other time iraqi civilians even have lines is when a refugee women tells brad about how he is destroying her home, but even then the point of that isn’t really her pain but how brad feels guilty/ashamed about what the usmc (an institution that is part of identity more than anyone else) is doing that; also she’s attacking brad who really had nothing to do with the baghdad situation and already feels guilty about other things, so its just creating more material for brad’s identity/guilt crisis and our sympathies for it.

all of this to say is that in basically every single case civilian tragedies don’t exist in the narrative on their own: they are used for the marine main characters to react to: the village. the truck crew. the men at the roadside. even the syrian student.

also @sunnygreys replied to some tags i made alluding to this issue. you should read what they wrote bc it’s a really interesting counterweight to what i’m saying and offers a different perspective. but anyway basically they mention certain lines where people are like “no ones forcing us to be here.” particularly notable was when godfather says that no one is forced to be here because they’re all volunteers in episode 3. my view of this has always been that saying that is ignorance on his part and another symptom of the broken command system. godfather chose to be career military,  he chose to accept the mission, he chose to change the ROE, etc: there was no gun to his head. for the enlisted men, the ones on the bottom who actually carried out the mission that injured the boys, they are pretty much being forced to be there by their circumstances. out of all the marines we interact with in the series, im pretty sure brad is the only enlisted man who comes from wealth and by extension had other options, while most others either implicitly or explicitly grew up in impoverished/unstable households: poverty is the new draft. thats sorta between the lines, but i imagine david simon knows that because of his previous work on poverty. what isnt between the lines is that the command system DOES force men in lower ranks to “be there” and carry out order: they can get NJPed for disobeying, they sign contracts that they’ll be dishonourably discharged and lose their benefits if they break, etc. there’s no gun to their head physically but metaphorically its pretty close. to me at least, those lines are not narratively placed to make us sympathize less with the marine main characters but instead to make us sympathize with them even more, because it shows how disconnected command really is. david simon is a huge dick irl but he’s a really clever writer.

again, i reiterate that we as the audience likely feel sympathy for the iraqi population because for most people its naturally sad when people die/get injured/etc. i think a lot of points i made and ones made by @sunnygreys can be mutually true, but the main difference being that i really don’t believe that gk’s intention was to make us step back and reflect on our sympathy with the “oppressors:” i really do think that’s who the show intends for us to sympathize with most based on their choices in camera shots, who says what, etc. that doesn’t mean we can’t step back and reflect, as i hope many of us have, i just think that was an unintended consequence. (if i’m misconstruing what you said please lmk and ill edit!)

that being said, can’t think of a way that generation kill could have done better in this regard based on the book/characters it had. the marines ARE the main characters and by conventional standards its their narrative/feelings/growth that matters. but just because there may have been no other way doesn’t make it unproblematic. its another example of western media using violence against nameless, distant foreigners for their own horror. 

there are people wandering this earth who are dealing with the loss of the man in the white car, the little girl at the roadblock, an entire village. those little boys, if they’re still alive, probably have to deal with the severe injuries they got when they were shot by marines. those slums of baghdad may still be in unstable today and have likely lost community members due to sanitation/hunger/violence. imagine knowing that there is a show out there where you or your loved ones are being used as a plot device to make viewers feel sympathy for the ones who put you in those positions. i sympathize deeply with the marines of GK, but i can imagine how hard it would be to be in the iraqi population’s place watching yourself and your experiences interpreted in a way dissociated from your own suffering so that the primary victimhood can be placed on the ones who did it to you. 

in conclusion, i love gen kill a lot. i love the story and the characters, and i think its an effective story in terms of achieving what it seeks to achieve. i think it’s okay to love something and be critical of it. also if western media companies weren’t cowards and weren’t scared of losing american military financial contributions they would make a miniseries about the iraqi people who were terrorized by american invaders, including the ones we love in gk!