#and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[clericofgale]

I didn't expect to get fucking actual literal triggered by a godsdamn IGN article and yet here we are.

Gale's arc is about finding the will to live, that suicide isn't the solution, that there's always a better way. You are worthy by your own merits and not your talents or what you can provide. So many Galemancers I've talked to or read of talk about their struggle with depression & SI, self-worth problems and how Gale has really help inspire them to hold on. My mental health has much improved since my darkest days, so I really didn't expect to get so upset.

Chrystal Ding, Lead Writer: On a very human level, you have the guy who starts off annoying everyone, he's constantly asking you to give him your most treasured possessions to eat, otherwise he's in trouble, and at the end, he gives himself for the world.

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. If you have a character with depressive characterization and brimming with suicidal ideation tendencies...Don't mix in the 💣 ending framed as a selfless act! That's a call to the void to people walking on the ledge. Gale has literal WillingtoDie flags! It's major yikes all around. At the brain stem Tav is either talking someone who isn't suicidal anymore back into killing himself, or allowing a suicidal person to do it. "Feels like the right ending to me"? Nooooo thank you interviewer.

I actually like the 💣 ending in a tragic "My choices ran out and I failed to save Gale" way. Never ever, will it ever feel the "right" ending.

Asking for help takes COURAGE, especially from someone who isn't used to it. Gale asking you for items is literally because he's in so much pain he can't function anymore. He has no other choice. If asking for help for your pain is selfish, then I don't ever want to not be selfish.

Gale was never annoying to me. If they tried to make Gale the annoying, selfish, asshole who redeems himself in the end. They failed.

I'm mostly mad at the interviewer, to be honest. But oh man the devs didn't help.

I'm hopping off my soapbox now. Thanks to anyone who read it. And yes I did my therapy shit and am calm now.

Oh and remember, there's always another way, and that way is never, ever, EVER the "right" way. Seek and you shall find me.

[misrepresentedmorallygrey]

PROPAGANDA

Rose Quartz Propaganda

"We saw her character arc in reverse!! We first saw all the good she did and then learned of her terrible actions in the past. If her story was told the other way around, it would have been a great redemption arc. Yes, she did some terrible things, but she had no choice. She did everything she could to stop the colonization of earth peacefully buy nothing worked. Blue and yellow diamond just didn't listen to her and when they did, THEY were the ones who made the zoo and shit. Rose wanted to free them but couldn't get to them after the war! And with the corruption, there's no way she could have known that'd happen. There's so many things she wanted to do but just couldn't. And with spinel, yes it was shitty to leave her alone for so long, but again, between running her court, running the rebellion, dealing with earth, she likely wasn't a very high priority and like with the zoo, there was no way to get to her after the war since the galaxy warp was destroyed. And don't forget, she was practically a child around this time. You're saying you didn't do any stupid, selfish, or harmful things as a kid? She learned from her experiences and grew, we just saw that growth in reverse, leaving us as viewers with a poor perception of her."

"Rose Quartz is Steven Universe’s dead mom. Initially, she’s set up as sort of an ethereal perfect figure who everyone misses and compares him to. Later we get to see more of her backstory and discover that she’s actually like, a person, with flaws, who has done some bad things, but she did those bad things largely in the course of trying to escape an abusive home life and save the people and planet that she fell in love with. It’s very clear that despite her flaws she was trying to do the right thing and that she deeply cared about others. Unfortunately, a woman who was not a Perfect Martyr was way too much for the Steven Universe fandom to handle. She pretty much set off the wave of SU crit blogs because these people were furious either that she had taken violent measures to solve her problems, that she hadn’t taken violent enough measures to solve her problems, or both somehow. Lots of “Why didn’t she just murder her abusive parental figures?” Lots of “She was evil for having a baby even though she knew she’d die in childbirth!” Lots of “She should’ve been able to protect everyone from a magic nuclear weapon with the power of love somehow.” Lots of “She shouldn’t have rebelled (even though not rebelling would’ve meant the destruction of Earth) because her abusers retaliated and that’s her fault.” LOTS of people drawing her as stick thin even though she was fat in the show. People treated her like she was on the same level or even worse than her abusive parental figures who were also the main villains of the show. It was unbearable to witness."

Mahiru Propaganda

"They got unfairly voted guilty in the first round and keeps getting blamed She never meant to hurt anyone and the only reason she did was cause she couldn’t read social ques"

"Mahiru Shiina is the most traditionally feminine character in Milgram, and she’s very in love with the idea of love. That makes her an easy fandom target. In Milgram, we are introduced to ten murderers. It quickly becomes apparent that not all of these murders are conventional. By the time we are introduced to Mahiru, we already know most of these unconventional murderers. Mahiru’s first music video depicts her going on various dates with her boyfriend, even though he is not shown in the frame. At the end of the video, Mahiru wakes up, turns to the camera, and has a horrified expression. Whatever happened, she didn’t want it to happen. And then a lot of the fandom accused her of being a stalker. Was that what got her a 55% guilty/unforgiven vote? I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But she heard what the fandom said. She heard these voices saying she couldn’t be forgiven. Saying that she was a stalker or that she didn’t really love her boyfriend, even though that wasn’t true. She was beaten to near-death by Kotoko, a vigilante who was forgiven by 67%. Fuuta, who also sustained serious injuries from Kotoko, calls out the audience surrogate, saying what we did with our verdicts would have made us the same as him if Mahiru had died. And yet Mahiru doesn’t blame either us or Kotoko. Mahiru’s second music video shows that she was indeed in a proper relationship with her boyfriend. She smothered him with her love. The video slowly revealed the toxicity in their relationship. She asked why she can’t do anything right. The fandom perception was better in that she was safely voted innocent/forgiven. Still, there are issues. Some infantilize her or say that she’s delusional. Yes, she had a sheltered upbringing and has difficulties reading social cues, but that doesn’t take away her agency. On the flip side, some have theorized that she kidnapped her boyfriend and wasn’t in a proper relationship with him. (Not sure what to say about that, but this is a series about sympathetic murderers.)"

[fetishfairytales2]

Besties 6 (Story)

This was originally written as a continuation of a story by @wittlesissyb4by called Besties. Check out all their fantastic stories on Tumblr and SubscribeStar.

—————

Besties 6: Alone with Ms. Lyndsey

“Heather, seriously?” I laughed; “is Connor really cool with all of this? Cause I know he’s not, y’know…” Heather laughed in response, walking out of the nursery, back to her bedroom. "No, he’s too much of a real man to give a shit about that," she snickered, pointing to Brandon, "Brandi just has a tight little ass that could milk a big dick and Connor likes to fuck it occasionally!"

Heather went back into the bathroom to wrap things up, leaving me alone with Brandi. "Connor gets it," she called out. "Sometimes I just want him to tear into Brandi’s ass because I get off on seeing it." There was a moment of silence. "Other times, Daddy Connor just wants to show her who the real man is in this household."

"Does Brandi like it?" I couldn't help but ask even though I already knew the answer. Heather emerged from the bathroom, rocking a killer outfit with her tight trench coat and those red heels, looking like a total babe. She had the biggest grin on her face. "The real question is," she giggled, "does she even have a choice? Now, Brandi, I'm heading out. You better behave for Ms. Lyndsey, be a good girl. Don't forget, if I hear any complaints, Daddy will find out!"

She turned and gave me a wicked grin. "He'll be getting punished either way, good girl or not. But if she acts up, let me know. I'll send you all the deets and instructions. Don’t forget, her dinner's in the fridge. Oh and do me a solid, share all the pics and vids I send you tonight with Brandi. She loves seeing Mommy's naughty side during my date nights!" She hugged me and lightly tapped Brandi's butt before strutting out of the room with a smirk.

I couldn't help but smirk as I saw Brandon, the man who was once so full of himself, reduced to nothing but a pathetic little sissy in a frilly dress and diaper, forced to face the consequences of his asshole behavior. I loved that my best friend had made it all happen. She took away his power, his pleasure, his whole life. I bet she wasn't done yet either. "Oh, look how far Brandi has fallen," I taunted as I grabbed his hair and pulled his head up to meet my gaze. "But don't worry, we can make you sink even further."

"You, like, have noooo idea how much shit I'm about to put you through, baby bitch," I cackled, eyeing Sissy Brandi's pathetic little frame. I pivoted, checking myself out in the mirror. This situation called for a whole different vibe. I came dressed down to Heather's place, but now it's time to bring out the big guns. I rummaged through her drawers until I found the perfect thing: a sexy black lingerie set.

Turning to Brandi, I couldn't resist poking fun at his sorry excuse for masculinity. "Heather and I have been swapping clothes and men since college," I said with a sly smile, knowing how much that would hurt his fragile ego. "All of them way better than you, of course." I held up the lingerie set and let him squirm in embarrassment. "But hey, some things never change, right?" I could practically hear him whimpering under that gag, clueless to what was happening behind him. Tossing the lingerie onto the bed, I couldn't wait to see his reaction.

I ran my perfectly manicured nails through Brandi's hair, feeling him tremble as I whispered, "Relax sweetheart, we have all night to play. No need to get too worked up just yet." A sharp slap on his ass made him squirm with anticipation as I continued my search, this time in the nightstand.

I pretended to be all innocent, asking with a sly smirk on my face, "Hm, I wonder if your mommy has any fun toys hiding in here?" I couldn't help but laugh as I found the handcuffs and the Hitachi wand, more evidence of Heather's kinky side. I turned again to Brandon with a smug look, ready to ruin his night.

"Anti-crucio!" I yelled, watching as Brandi immediately spun around to face me. My grin couldn't get any bigger as I twirled the handcuffs on my finger. "You have 12 seconds of freedom, just to hear how screwed you are, Brandi," I gloated, poking my finger into his chest.

[eff-plays]

every time i remember that astarion has 4 extra hours of dialogue compared to wyll, i get so sad... before i got to the end of the game, i was like "ah. wyll must not be in any fandom posts i saw because of predictable reasons, but surely he still has cool scenes and an equivalent level of care in the canon writing!" RIP. he does not. it's like a self-sustaining vortex of the fandom and the writing team both being way more excited about the pale elf than any other character.

it's a shame because astarion is otherwise a well written and acted character, but it makes me dislike him on principle if i feel he's the authors' Favourite Little Boy, hah.

God YEAH. It's so fucking frustrating!

Like he's my favorite little boy! He fully is! But I would give up HOURS of his content if it meant the effort was equal across the board! Because that's good game design, that's good writing! That's what they should have done!

And it's so so fucking frustrating to see how Larian are basically leaving the other companions in the shitter just to cater to a small and annoying minority of rabid fangirs who shit themselves silly at the mere mention of him.

Y'all know that pretty post with all the companions' eyes? Well someone added some shit about how Astarion's eyes have micromovements that are faster than anyone else's because he's always looking for threats.

And I'm just sitting here like. This is the Dragon Age fandom again. Y'all are here overanalyzing insignificant shit just because it pertains to your favorite crusty white man. It's giving "let's pretend that BioWare's shitty canned animations are worth of deep frame-by-frame analysis". I think in general it's fine to analyze animations in the case of BG3, because there's mo-cap and actual acting involved, but c'mon, y'all. Derailing a beautiful gifset of EVERYONE'S eyes with some sappy addon about only Astarion?

I honestly HATE the fact that I like Astarion as much as I do, because it means sharing a fandom with the type of people who think Cullen is a gift to all women. Which, yeah, a lot of parallels there, in that he also got a hugely inflated role because of a minority of extremely horny idiots who saw a pretty white boy (though the pretty part is debatable in Cullen's case) and all other thoughts flew out the window. I literally initially didn't like Astarion because based on what I'd seen from the fandom, he'd be another unrepentant asshole that people woobiefied like they did Cullen, and to some extent, Solas. And I was right! I just ended up liking him in the actual canon enough to make my own judgment in the end.

It's also why I am filled with glee whenever another Astarion-centric blog blocks me, because the more of those guys I keep away from me, the less I want to shoot Astarion point-blank just by association.

So yeah. He's my little guy but I also fully 100% understand disliking him because of the hype. It's 100% justified and I fault nobody for doing so. His being so well-written as a result of poor management, crunch, and fandom pressure isn't something to celebrate. The ends do not justify the means here. Either extend dev time to give everyone the same amount of love, or don't fucking bother with extra content at all. It's that fucking simple.

Also the optics of admitting all of that in a Discord server just to satisfy a bunch of dipshits looking for a pat on the head for making the Canon Choices. Just ... bleh.

[mdhwrites]

Do you think the show rewards Luz’s Selfishness too much?

So I normally frame Luz's decision to self martyr herself and stay in her own world as not wanting to bother with the effort to fix her mistake. Let's shift that a bit so we can talk about why the show couldn't have Luz tell ANYONE this deeply selfish choice. A choice that by all means, Camila seems to think is just a bad choice for Luz and for no one else.

But... Luz chooses that her pain and angst is so bad that she doesn't want to help Amity reunite with her siblings. Or to make sure they can live in a world where they're safe. Gus' dad, Willow's parents, Darius, etc. All of them can rot as far as Luz is concerned. She even explicitly states this in For the Future. "Once Eda and King are safe, I'm going home."

No one else matters. LITERALLY no one else matters to her but the people she has chosen to care about and there aren't many of those. This is framed even worse by the fact that by the end of this episode, Camila will effectively say that Luz has NEVER done anything wrong. That trying to critique her at all, to try and give her life skills and friends with the camp after she put people's lives potentially in danger (snakes and fireworks are not meant for school for a reason), was wrong. That Luz just needs to be 'understood'. Part of understanding Luz, especially in S3, means that unless someone attacks her about it, like the dream sequence, WHICH ISN'T HER OWN MIND BUT A FABRICATION AND LIE, she isn't going to think about others. Just her adopted family and herself. And even then, maybe not even her adopted family since they sure as shit didn't matter in Thanks to Them.

BUT. we are supposed to sympathize with her and believe she did nothing wrong, just like Camila. Do not question her motivations, or her efforts, just believe her words.

This is emblematic of the show as well. The first two episodes talk a big game about fantasy vs reality and like Luz's selfish motivations, warped way of looking at things and her learning to be a human being, not a walking, wanna be protagonist will be interrogated. But... Not really. She repeatedly does things that are mirrored in her favorite series. Her final battle line will be a reference to that series and her delusions with that series. People might get briefly upset about her actions but most of the time she either doesn't have to do anything, like Reaching Out or Adventure in the Elements (where she gets a glyph BEFORE making up the fuck up she did) or show how special she is like in Lost in Language and Covention. I can only really think of like one episode after the first two where Luz fucks up and genuinely has to take the brunt of punishment for it, Winging it Like Witches, and even in that one, she is saved before anything bad happens to her before winning with the same trick that hurt her friends, just... Now it's okay because they're all on the same page about it I guess. Couldn't have had Willow come up with something herself because Luz actually was willing to listen to Willow and not force something onto her. That'd be too much work.

It's part of why the more you interrogate Luz's intentions and motivations, it gets BAD. So much of what she does could be easily grafted onto a kid trying to play hero or not learning anything from past mistakes. Don't ever forget that Teenage Abomination says "Listen to your mentor about their specialty," then The Intruder says "Don't take shortcuts to magic" before then in Adventure in the Elements, Luz takes a shortcut for magic while also not listening to Eda and almost gets people killed for it. GREAT JOB LUZ! Much development, such depth.

And yes, lots of shows will have characters yoyo and the like but these are within HALF A SEASON of each other. It usually takes a little longer for most animated shows to straight up start repeating lessons. Hell, yes, it is theoretically a problem for Amphibia too with stuff like Bessie and the hibernation episode both featuring Anne's impatience but also S1 is genuinely about how Anne is fighting between the lessons she's learning and her growing empathy versus how she used to be with her selfishness and laziness. Also, both episodes might be about her impatience but they genuinely tackle it in different ways, with one being about disregarding the rules because of overconfidence and the other one is out of boredom. For TOH... It's just that Luz wants the magic she thinks she should have, as easily and as fun as she thinks it should be instead of weird and actually taking work, and fucks it up because of that same motivation.

That same motivation that doesn't treat reality like reality. According to the show though, that's just the best way to be. Follow your own version, fuck everything else. That's what Luz gets to do in the end after all and she's the one literally blessed by God to be correct.

So yeah, I think her selfishness might be a touch rewarded.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[galatikid]

I'm going to say something whacky but I really hope enough see it and internalize it.

I'm deeply concerned with the rhetoric of Trump bad so vote blue. Project 2025 is bad so vote blue. Vote Biden. Yes he's continuing a genocide but vote for him anyway because do you really want Trump again. Don't vote third party because that's throwing away your votes and we need to make the change on local levels first.

This conversation style lets the current status quo (bad all around) continue. Lets the powers that be continue to be.

Y'all do see and understand that's defeatism right? Like you're accepting that the game is lost before we hit the ground because the game is shit and has been. This kind of thinking is what they want, because it keeps us fighting amongst ourselves. Infighting! Why!! This conversation pattern has been ongoing for YEARS. Why??

Stop feeding the trolls that you've let inside your head.

We can make the change now. We should make the change now. Local elections have already been shifting and have been for a while. The time we're currently living in is a monumental tipping point to be seized. If you don't like either choice we have 6 months to reach an agreement for an alternative. And we need an alternative because there's a lot on the line.

Neither party truly serves the majority of the population, we all agree on this! We all agree that the world is suffering with us due to the companies and governments that loom over us. Why should we wait 4 more years to do anything about it on a nation wide scale. And how much longer are we going to choose to wait? Where's the goal post? What's the time frame y'all are working on? Why are you choosing to wait currently other than "anything else is a long shot"? Oh of course it is you keep saying it, of course it's a long shot if you all keep saying that it is.

Stop saying it! Choose the third option, choose something, anything else!!

You want change then demand it. Make it happen.

It does not have to continue to be this way.

[heich0e]

samu wearing glasses

note: damn... so true.

Osamu starts noticing that by the end of the night, after he's locked up the restaurant, sent the staff home, and sequestered himself away in his office to deal with the admin work that he loathes, that he has a funny pain behind his eyes. He ignores it for a while, blaming long hours and how much he hates bookkeeping (he really ought to hire someone else to do it, he's just been so busy), but after a couple of months it becomes too difficult to ignore.

His doctor tells him the news like it's no big deal. Like a simple eye exam didn't prove to be the first time in Osamu's life that some part of his body failed him; had started to show wear with age (if you ignore the grey hairs he's been strategically plucking every few weeks since the restaurant opened). He's only twenty-eight! Less than three decades old and his doctor is telling him he needs glasses.

He refuses to wear them at first, but the headaches just keep getting worse--starting earlier in the day, and lasting later--and finally he has no choice but to start putting on the little pair of frames he keeps tucked in the back of one of his desk drawers (lest Tsumu ever be snooping and uncover them, and Osamu subsequently never live it down.)

He gets used to them after a while, and doesn't feel quite the same degree of resentment each time he finds himself slipping them on, but he's still resolved never to let anyone know he needs them.

"Miya-san do you have--"

Osamu's head snaps up towards his office door, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose at the sudden movement. You falter where you stand in his doorway, fist raised like it was poised to knock, and tilt your head curiously.

"--glasses?"

Both of you blink at each other in surprise.

Quickly, Osamu pulls his glasses off his face, tossing them aside haplessly on his messy desk as heat creeps up his neck. He didn't realize anyone was still here, certain that everyone had gone home, but yet here you are.

You of all people.

Just his luck.

You clear your throat.

"Uh, sorry, I meant... I just came looking to see if... You have glasses?" you seem to abandon whatever you'd been trying to ask of him after two unsuccessful attempts, shaking your head a little after you finally pose the question that is evidently at the forefront of your mind.

Osamu sucks a little breath of air in through his teeth, contemplates lying, and then nods.

"Yep."

"Since when?" you ask him, still fidgeting in his doorway. You've got your coat on and your bag over your shoulder, meaning you had either been on your way out for the night or had come back to see him for some reason. Osamu wills himself not to focus on how distracting it is when you nibble on the inside of your cheek nervously.

You're his employee. And a damn good one at that. You haven't been serving at Onigiri Miya for very long (three months, two weeks, and nine days--not that Osamu is counting) but you're bright and personable, quick on your feet, don't take shit from snotty customers, and don't completely hate him when he begs you to work a split because someone called off.

The fact that he's very attracted to you is something Osamu has vowed never to act on; valuing what you bring to the restaurant more than the carnal voice in the back of his mind that threatens to lead him into the territory of unprofessionalism. He's your boss, and regardless of how cute you look in the Onigiri Miya uniform, he's willing to leave it at that.

Osamu huffs out a little laugh, scratching behind his ear. "Five months 'er so."

You gape.

"How have I never seen you wearing them?" you ask him, bewildered. "Do you normally wear contacts?"

"Nah." Osamu shakes his head, realizing belatedly he'd taken off his ball-cap and likely had some god-awful hat hair on full display. He quickly ruffles a hand through the short dark strands in hopes it helps. "Just don't wear 'em much."

"That's bad for your eyes, y'know," you say, scuffing the toe of your shoe against the floor. "Can actually make your eyesight worse if you're not wearing them when you need them."

Osamu blinks.

"Really?" he asks, half-skeptical and half in fear.

You nod. "My uncle is an optometrist."

He groans, realizing he's probably been doing more harm than good by not wearing his glasses save for in the privacy of his office.

"Well, thanks fer the info," he says with a little laugh, reaching for his discarded glasses and slipping them back onto his face. He looks up at you from his desk chair, cradling his cheek in his palm as he leans his elbow on his arm rest. "Is there any other reason ya came to my office at eleven o'clock at night? Or just to share the good news about my failin' eyes?"

You laugh a little bit yourself, your nose scrunching up. "I actually came back to ask for a copy of my timesheet from last week. I meant to do it before I left, but I knew you'd probably still be here so..."

Osamu looks around the mess of papers on his desk, shuffling some stuff around until he finds what he's looking for. He holds it out to you, and you take it with an appreciative dip of your head.

"I also figured it'd be good to come back and tell you to try not to stay so late," you say, eyes flickering around the chaos on his work surface (he really, really hates bookkeeping.) "But judging by the scene in front of you I'd say you're gonna be here for a while."

"You'd be right," Osamu laughs, though he does recognize it's at his own expense.

"Well..."--you take a little step back towards his doorway, having shifted closer to him at some point that Osamu can't recall--"...I guess I should head home."

"One of us oughta get a good night's sleep," he agrees, waving you off.

"The couch down in the staff room is surprisingly good for napping," you offer, hitching your bag a little further up your shoulder.

Osamu knows that, actually. He sleeps there at least one night per week. He didn't know you knew that though, and the thought that the two of you had been sleeping in the same spot makes another wave of heat rush up to his face.

"Thanks," he says, dipping his head.

"G'night, Miya-san."

"I told ya to call me Samu. Osamu if ya really can't stomach being familiar with me," he urges you, for what must be the thousandth time since you started working for him.

"Okay," you concede with a smile. "Goodnight, Osamu-san."

It's not exactly what he had in mind, but it works for now.

He offers you a little wave as you step through the doorway, ready to turn his attention back to his mortal nemesis (i.e. the papers on his desk), when you pause.

"Don't feel embarassed about them," you say, your voice soft.

He looks at you curiously, and you point up towards your own face--twirling your finger in a circle around your eye.

"The glasses," you explain, noticing his perplexed expression, "they look good on you."

Osamu feels a palpable knock of his heart against his ribs at the genuine smile you offer him, waving one last time before you slip away down the hall out of sight.

It takes him a full five minutes to collect his thoughts after you leave--his fingers shoved up under the frames of his glasses to press against his aching eyes.

He slumps back in his seat once he finally manages to calm the racing beat of his heart, and slides the bridge of his glasses back up his nose from where he'd knocked them askew.

Maybe glasses weren't so bad after all.

[orcboxer]

Been following your journey around the trolley problem and I agree with your position: the trolley problem should not solely be framed in a way where a mythical third and better solution exists. Engaging with hard questions/hypothetical situations where all the outcomes suck is a valuable exercise for developing your own stance and morality, and it recognises that in real life, sometimes things just Do Suck.

I would add though, that as far as my understanding goes, both sides of this argument (aka "Leave the problem untouched" and "Add a secret variable") are valid philosophical perspectives to engage with through the trolley problem. Philosophy at its core is speculating about how people come to certain conclusions and examining what other conclusions there might be (and why those exist).

The trolley problem in this instance becomes a vehicle to discuss different problems and solutions. It is as valuable to discuss a situation where all outcomes are shit in different ways and how this might be solved and why, as it is valuable to consider adding a new variable to the situation. The trolley problem can be expanded to make different arguments and explore different belief sets, and I believe it should be. But equally, its basic premise shouldn't be disregarded.

It's an illustrative device through which you can frame your argument. Through which you explain it. And because of its inherent simplicity, it's capable of portraying a great amount of different problems through slight variations to the premise. And saying things like "What if there was a secret third solution" is as much a thought experiment that can be imposed on it as "What if there wasn't". Both serve different functions and neither is less valuable or correct than the other. Framings that deride either as worse are only simplifying a complex discussion (the complex nature of human morality) into having a one sided "correct take", and aren't what philosophy is about.

I think I would agree with that, yeah, in that the TP can be altered to present a new type of scenario, provided it's acknowledged that the new version is a completely different subject and not like, the secret trolley hack that solves it once and for all lmao. And there's certainly something to be said for scenarios that do have better options.

Like from a big picture perspective, capitalism fans tend to set up scenarios as TPs completely unnecessarily, like "aw well it's too bad we have to sacrifice disabled people for the economy but if we don't everything will collapse" like no, you .. you don't have to do that actually. We should be talking about how to feed everyone rather than who deserves to starve, for instance.

But then on more specific situations, it's like, do I vote in favor of a city policy that would cap rent prices, even tho it's just a temporary fix, or do I refuse to vote for it due to the ballot not including a "abolish rent" option? I would certainly choose to abolish rent if that were an option, but in this moment, is abolishing rent an actual outcome that's on the table? Or will inaction simply result in rent continuing to go up?

Big picture: we should have installed a failsafe on this trolley. Small picture: you can't fix that right now, you can only mitigate the damage the trolley does. You have to make a tough choice in this moment, there's no making it easier, but afterward, you should get together with people and try to build up something strong enough to stop runaway trolleys so that your options aren't so dire next time.

[olderthannetfic]

Re: https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/720791837582983168/tbh-im-quite-shocked-by-all-the-anons-here?source=share

The thing about the OTW publicly suspecting an ex-volunteer is that a) the ex-volunteer was the one who had theorised in a public post that she might have been a suspect first. And she identified herself by username in it. And speculated that she'd been unjustly suspended after that email attack she was the suspect of. So b) the OTW was responding org-internally to current-volunteers' questions brought on by the ex-volunteer's post and they c) did not name her, so only the current volunteers who knew about the ex's post would've been able to identify her as that ex-volunteer. You can't cry defamation if you self-defame, first, and defamation requires that the other person is lying about the reasoning for their suspicion.

As for the CSEM ticket handling and the treatment of the PAC members, esp that ex-vol who worked CSEM tickets, I'm of the opinion that if you take on that work, it's your job to make a call whether or not the material in front of you contains an actual minor. Yes, 99% of it is going to be tickets about cartoon porn or GOT fanfic or whatever, but live-action porn is very much something that you might have to evaluate, too, and she straight-up said she wasn't able to tell with certainty, and so wanted to ban the content (which was fan*fiction* + the ambiguous porn gif) based on it being tagged Underage just to be safe. And it's fine that she said she couldn't tell, but she doesn't get to complain that she was forced to evaluate and eventually dismiss (due to the person in it not being clearly identifiable as a minor) that content, when by her own words, she wasn't forced. She'd also stated that she was working these tickets by choice so the other members wouldn't have to, but now people spin it as if she was chained to her desk and given nothing but CSEM reports. That's unjust framing.

Neither is it ok to want to suspend a user for tags that from context clearly pertain to a *fictional* work. She says she was told she couldn't ban it despite wanting to because "Legal says gifs are transformative fanworks and Disney had recently implied it wanted to crack down on gifs", which, to me, carries the implication that Legal said to ignore CSEM if it comes in the form of gifs or other transformative works. When what that actually is, is the obscenity exception about visual sexual content in which no real kid appears to have actually participated (if the pics are not of a child, but meant to be about underage sex, they need to be obscene under the Miller test to be illegal, and transformative works have artistic value). Which is stuff that she, as the former go-to CSEM ticket girl of the OTW, should actually know. Granted, the one bit I don't doubt at all is that unpaid volunteers don't give or receive enough training, but personally, when questions of legality and attached morality (is this ruling fair, or harmful?) haunt me, I look shit up. And I don't believe for a moment that Legal did not look that shit up despite specialising in IP-law, or had misunderstood CSEM laws to such a degree that they'd actually say it's not CSEM if it's a gif.

I've seen people now - that ex-volunteer among them - demand a mental healthcare budget, at least for post-emergency-use, and call failure to provide that neglectful. The lack of mental health support in a unpaid-volunteer run org for the people who do this kind of important work is unfortunate, and was even more so in the aftermath of the email attack, but the OTW can't just magic that money for 900 people's healthcare up. Them continuing not to pay (cause that's what it is) their volunteers after a crisis is not abuse or neglectful.

The majority of their (the ex-vol's and allied vols) points seem either ignorant or deliberately framing themselves as the victims of some horribly abusive organisation who made them look at and shelter CSAM and is now bullying them after they blew the whistle on it. I don't really see anything worth getting the whistle out for, here, so yes, I think it's a smear campaign.

--

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

SAKURA HARUNO (NARUTO)

1.) 1.) It is repeatedly stated throughout the series the areas in which she excels. We are told over and over again that she is gifted (early on in the series) or tremendously strong (end of the series) and yet with the exception of of the Sasori fight, there seems to be a staunch refusal to actually SHOW her being competent in a fight. 2.) her backstory ties into nothing plotwise as far as the overarching world and history of the village and its families. The three other leads (Sasuke Naruo, Kakashi) all get their own relevant backstory that gets delved into. But Sakura? Neither has one nor goes off and embroils herself personally into one of these overarching plot points. She is constantly forced to just be a companion/side character to the stories of her male counterparts. 3.) She's given so much potential for a great powersuite and those all either go unrealized or she gets shown up by other characters. idk if this is what was meant by propaganda but its what i got

2.) Despite becoming the world's best surgeon and doctor at age 17 (including doing open heart surgery in the middle of an active battlefield), her achievements are routinely undercut and underplayed by the canon.

It's all the more disappointing because in some ways, she's a very realistic and humanistic depiction of a teenage girl. Unlike her teammates, she grew up in what we would consider a pretty average family situation (two living parents who love her, even if they don't understand her choices), and has relatively average goals at the beginning. Compared to her teammates who are orphans from dynastic ninja clans, who were basically born to a lineage of massive amounts of powerful ninja magic; Sakura's civilian family has given her no genetic predisposition to being powerful. Despite this, she's shown to be highly intelligent, achieving top scores on exams and having a deep knowledge for theory and concepts.

She begins the story having a crush on Sasuke Uchiha, a boy who has no interest in her, and hating Naruto, their village's Omelas Child. However, as she works with her team, she bonds with them on a deeper level, and works very hard to meet their natural level of skill and not be deadweight on their team.

However, despite the fact that trios are treated with deep cultural and narrative significance throughout Naruto, the narrative quickly abandons the "Team 7 Trio" framing in all the ways that matter, becoming the Naruto-and-Sasuke show in all ways that matter. When Sakura gets her time to shine, she's always undercut. Her massive physical strength and strong sense of self in Shippuden are never treated with the same reverence as her teammates'. Despite the fact that she can easily shatter rock and manipulate the ground with her sheer physical power, and that she was originally presented as good at genjutsu (illusion magic); she becomes a field medic/doctor -- a carer/support role, rather than a DPS. Her decisions to advocate for herself and the people she cares about (such as trying to kill Sasuke) are treated as foolish and naive, not a heroic choice to try and help her friends at a large personal cost.

She also basically never gets to fight a man, except for one important case: Sasori. This is important, because the female characters in Naruto are routinely presented as less powerful and less of a threat than male characters. While her fight with Sasori is a fantastic arc, it ends with Sasori undercutting her victory by being like "well actually I wanted to die", implying that he'd chosen to let her win, not that her win is well deserved. This is at the start of Shippuden, she doesn't get a solo fight arc after that.

Of course, the most egregious thing done to Sakura is that she's married off to Sasuke. Despite the fact that Sasuke is never once shown to give a shit about her, and the fact that her character development in a large part was about her giving up the childish and misogynistic desire to be a wife to the cute guy in her class, suddenly they're together. Sasuke is a deadbeat husband, however, and immediately fucks off, to the point where he doesn't recognise their child when he meets her, and tries to kill her. Sakura-the-housewife-waiting-at-the-window-for-her-husband's-return is again now deeply in love with a man who doesn't give a shit about her. The only photo she has of them together is shown to be a cutout of another photo of Sasuke stuck on a photo of her. She's again trapped in a housewife box, her achievements and skill sideline to her ability to rear a child for the male lead. And worse, despite the fact she's a very confident person who otherwise has no issue advocating for herself, she doesn't really seem to fight back against this awful status quo in her relationship, grateful for the scraps of affection Sasuke delivers to her once a decade.

3.) Despite being on a team of three, she's always side lined for the other two. Her whole thing is healing, then in a major arc at the end of the main series a character gets hurt and when she goes to attempt to heal them, she is pushed aside so Naruto can do his amazing magic healing that he just learned and is already better at it than her.

ADA VESSALIUS (PANDORA HEARTS) (CW: Domestic Abuse)

1.) Her treatment is so terrible. She gets abused by a guy who's only dating her for other goals, and has openly told her he's only using her and doesn't love her, and yet she's written to constantly forgive him and love him to the end, anyway. She's only used as a plot device, being kidnapped and having her life threatened multiple times just to further her brother's story (he's the MC). And whenever she tries to make her own choices, like God forbid date someone, the male figures in her life get in her way because "that's my sister/daughter/etc". Not even because the guy she chose sucks lol. Her arc is basically just...forgiving people that shouldn't be forgiven, I guess? But that's generous. She doesn't have an arc, and has basically no personality.

[goodmorningdove]

info dump on a topic of your choice <3

so you have chosen death

spoilers for madoka magica rebellion (and madoka magica in general) below the cut

It's so fascinating how rebellion toys with the viewers prespective in rebellion. it starts out seeming like a reboot of the series, with Madoka as the center focus of the story and the others as side characters. The viewer is clued into the idea that something is very different for two reasons: bebe (aka charlotte, the witch that killed mami originally) and the defeat of the nightmare. they don't kill it, they just give it some food? weird flex but ok. With homura's introduction however we get more weirdness. the teachers is going on and on about the end of the world. Now, it's pretty easy to chalk it up to this teacher just Being Weird, but it's weird even for her. Normally she's talking incessantly about her love life, and now it's the end of the world? odd. Then with homura herself, a lot happens for many reasons. First of all, the discussion she has with madoka when they're on the field. For so long they've wanted to just chill and hang out, but when the world always ends in a month it's very difficult to do that. Of course, neither of them actively remember the timelines Homura created, but the viewer does. The viewer knows and remembers what happened. This is the first solid piece of info that rebellion is not a reboot.

Now, what set me off personally came not long after. When fighting hitomi's nightmare again, you can see witch symbol's flash on the screen during homura's transformation. this made me absolutely loose my shit when i first watched rebellion because that's. that's a witch is near?? Bitch What The Fuck? (also of note, one of the witchy symbols roughly translates to "they glorify death" which i believe refers to how magical girls in this timeline see dying as an honourable act, as it is when they unite with the law of cycles. Homura knows however that Madoka is the law of cycles, and doesnt like that shes a god and not with homura. also another one translates roughly to "the master is bored" which either refers to homura herself being the master of the labyrinth they're in and how she's going to notice things are off, or that the incubators are bored and they're going to fuck with Madoka's Godhood bcz the current system just isnt efficient enough! assholes.)

anyway. then we get the melty face stuff :) this shit looked creepy af and i loved it. Homura is loosing grip on the reality she's created. the individuals not invited into this world cannot retain their images as they literally have no lives. Homura doesnt know how they's react past the one month loop, so of course after THREE months they're going to get a little sloppy :P this is also when homura confronts kyoko (and we see the clara dolls! they start showing up as soon as the melty faces arrive but i only really noticed them here), as kyoko never went to the same school as homura and co, so her inclusion as such a primary player is odd compared to homura's hidden memories. The journey to Kyoko's home city is fucking wild i love it so much. like they are on fucking glass floor?? kyoko's home city is just picture frames?? and no one fucking mentions that?? and it's so obvious why it's because they look like hazy memories, something you can't replicate in video, but it's so obvious that what is happening is like when a dream goes "yeah then some shit happened you walked on the ceiling etc etc this is not important byee" except this IS important!! but they can't go to kyoko's home city because homura! never! went! there! it cant exist in your dream if you never went there! but homura isnt ready to accept that she's a witch so shes like "ill find this witch!!!"

then homura goes to mami's to chill with madoka and mami and bebe except PSYCH she's analyising bebe and mami's relationship, because of course bebe is homura's first suspect, last time she saw bebe, bebe fucking eated mami what the fuck is this shit! when mami's answers arent satisfying enough and homura goes apeshit on bebe, the screens by them show bebe's face and some witchy symbols i havent translated. which makes you think yeah bebe is the witch! but of course homura's dream would incriminate whoever homura suspects, because that's how dreams work?! of course mami finds homura bcz mami and bebe are besties nowwwww!! and mami uses a ribbon to tie herself to homura so that homura cant freeze mami and get the upper hand, except the ribbon dissapears?? which may be an animation error but i dont think it is. see this is all homura's dream, and the logistics of the ribbon in the fight would just get in the way so homura's brain just goes "yeah yeah the ribbon is there dont worry about it it's invisible" until the end of the fight when homura breaks the ribbon. then the ribbon is important to homura's brain! lol anyway then homura shoots mami and mami turns out to be a ribbon clone! which is like kinda weird bcz mami's never shown this skill before, but i think it's bcz homura doesnt actually want to hurt mami, so her brain teleported mami away and replaced her with a ribbon clone. that's what i believe.

then we get. the sayaka confrontation. which i fucking love. bcz sayaka knows whats up and shes trying to get homura to not hate herself. "why kill this witch? she seems to not want death and destuction. she just wants to be with her friends. thats not a crime." but homura just sees it as a neon sign saying "sayaka is the witch" which is emphasized by sayaka's witch form being her reflection in the water. so homura fucking. books it. runs away and gets on a boat and we get the curtain call. Homura will know the truth soon, and so this dream will come to an end soon. We hope you enjoyed the show!

but it's not quite over yet. Homura gets to have a talk with madoka first. and here we learn that madoka, didnt really want to make her wish. she did it because she had no other choice. Madoka also tries to braid Homura's hair, to return her to the Innocent Homura. the Homura Still Full Of Hope And Happiness. at this point i think homura would have been happy to just die and become one with the law of cycles. shes still a witch tho and doesnt Know know it yet tho so first we have to have her go on a bus ride, leaving her soul gem behind. the clocks on the bus tick, as they count down to when homura should pass out from being too far away form her soul gem. she doesnt pass out though. And all goes to shit. the blimps crash, the city is set ablaze in every way, the bus lights on fire, the strangers now are just dolls with identical bodies. the bus does not pull into the stop, it crashes face first, homura stands unfazed however. this her dream. the destruction within it is her just as much her as everything in the dream so far has been.

And homura wakes up. she is able to speak to the incubators again, and they explain that they are studying her soul gem so that they can pin point what exactly the law of cycles is so that they can manipulate the law of cycles to make it more efficient :3 isnt that just great? anyway now homura you have served your purpose to so you may leave this place and rejoin madoka :3

except they forgor that rule #1 of interacting with homura is dont fuck with madoka and that is exactly what the incubators plan on doing so she tries to kill all the incubators, and in doing so she becomes Full Witch so the other magical girls start fighting her so that they can get madoka close enough to homura to use their combined strength to destroy the containment field and reunite homura with All of Madoka. (also here we get the gay-ass line from sayaka to kyoko "my one regret was leaving you" thats so lesbian anyway) they do succeed in this to be fair, but uhh homura pulls a fucking 180 and goes nah im not going to madoka. madoka is going to ME. which is obv like if homura remakes the world again then she can become and god and make sure that NO ONE FUCKS WITH MADOKA. LEAVE MADOKA ALONE OR BE NICE TO HER.

so now homura is a demon and. god its so perfect. Madoka acsended to godhood with her magical wish. she is there for the good of everyone and is a passive force. homura ascended to godhood with her witch's curse. she is there for the good of madoka and madoka alone and she is an active force. she actively stops madoka from remembering her godhood. she actively tells sayaka to fuck off. As the walpurgisnacht rising trailer says, "this world is for madoka and madoka alone" or something along those lines. i have a shitty memory lol.

also we have seen no incubators in the new universe so like where are they. we know they're their bcz homura explicitly told them that it doenst matter that they dont want to fuck with human emotions anymore, they are necessary in dealing out the remainder of the witches' curses. Are they all Clara Dolls now? are they homura's phone? Does each witch get her own personal incubator? does madoka get all 100000 incubators because she thinks they're cute? i dont know!!!!!

anyway to think that in ep 1 madoka was like "damn i wish i had secret admirers" dont worry bestie a lesbian WILL rewrite reality for you. also not to be a downer but imagine we get to the end of walpurgisnacht rising and madoka just says "homura... im straight" i'd kill. maybe i wouldnt thatd be pretty fucking funny tbh. she just sides with hitomi "yeah homura girls cant love girls" meanwhile homura is like "my love for you is what gave me the power to become the devil what the fuck are you talking about"

uh yeah :) hope that was. coherent.

[kattahj]

My views on Last Twilight so far may best be summed up as "wary but hopeful".

Hopeful, because Aof is a talented filmmaker and there are a lot of moments where I go, "shit, yeah, that's how you do it."

Wary, because there are so many possible pitfalls. The potential healing plot that's being dangled before both Day and us is of course one of them.

Also the fact that in general, I absolutely detest the trope of "disabled person needs to be shown how to live their own damn life by able-bodied person with zero experience."

(Of course, the most annoying part about the trope are the people who try to emulate it IRL by offering inane advice they believe to be groundbreaking.)

Now, there are some things in effect that mitigate the use of that trope in the series:

Day's disability is still very recent, and he and his family are still in the grieving period and trying to figure things out.

Mhok is allowed to fuck up, sometimes on a minor level, like organizing Day's stuff without permission (which Porjai even points out is part of an annoying pattern for him), and sometimes on a major level, like getting caught up in that fight.

Aon exists. The presence of a blind person who has his shit together and can provide advice based on actual experience is important.

Day is a POV character and gets to have scenes that don't involve Mhok at all. One thing that always annoyed me about the Heart/Li Ming storyline in Moonlight Chicken (as adorable as they are) was that Heart is constantly filtered through Li Ming. Even after his isolation ends, whenever we see Heart in a scene, Li Ming is either present, or watching, or about to appear. That's not the case here. Day and Mhok are much more level as co-protagonists.

There are also times when I don't know if the show is being ableist, or showcasing the ableism of the characters and Thai society. I'm thinking, for example, of Day going to quit university. It makes perfect sense to him to do that. Take the time off, reassess his possibilities, and yes, maybe quit if that seems the best choice to him. But still, when the professor only allows him to take a break, it's framed as "maybe you will get your sight back." Nobody even entertains the idea that he could continue studying otherwise. But blind university students exist, even in Thailand. Blind journalists exist. Is it the characters who don't know this, or the show itself? I can't tell.

So there are bits that make me nod in appreciation, bits that make me go "ugh", and bits I can't quite decide what to think of, all mixed together. And so very much will depend on how it all turns out in the long run.

Hence, wary but hopeful.

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Some ideas for if I were to rewrite helluva boss. (ugh another 1k word post. I either don't say shit or vomit words) Please ignore grammar mistakes, wrote this on my last hour of work at 10pm.

Was thinking about I would change HB if given the chance and these are my thoughts.

- Main location would be in on earth not hell. Having IMP navigating around human society would be more interesting as they tried to keep themselves hidden.

- This way they could have their harsh personalities and have extras still react strongly. (The amount of pearl clutching in the show makes no since given that 'its hell and demons are supposed to be good people.) It would likely take place in a town that's close to a larger city. Or just somewhere rural.

- Stolas, Moxxie and Luna would be human. Gonna explain working backwards.

- Luna would have the same backstory but she gets adopted earlier in life. She's raised by a demon, probably homeschooled, and picks up on Blitzo's mannerisms. Now she's getting older and wants to mingle with people now. The problem, humans aren't accepting of that behavior and she's an outcast. Most people in town openly avoud her. Her struggle with Blitzo is that despite him rasing her, she wonders what would have happened if he left her on the streets and maybe adopted and raised by other humans.

- Blitzo having her working in IMP to show her that people aren't actually all that great. But Luna has more of a problem faking good behavior. (Her relationship with Moxxie is better because he is teachering her about people. Luna will go to Moxxie for questions rather than Blitzo. He and Blitzo have a strain relationship due to this. Doesn't help that Bliz will make things up when he doesn't know, which will screw Luna over socially)

- Moxxie keeps his backstory but instead of the mob, he's born to a cultist family. Not like in S1E1, but a more large scale. His mother got in young and fell for one of the high ranking members. Overtime it got too much and when Moxxie is really young, his mother tries to leave. She is killed for this and Moxxie lives in fear. It is framed like an accident.

- The Millie shows up after being summon by Moxxie during a rite of passage ritual or something similar. Since he summoned her, he's the one that get to request something of her. He asks that everyone forgets he exists/thinks he died with his mother.

‐ The request is granted. But Moxxie has nothing to his name. The streets in the city are too harsh, so he stays in town, scared and keeping his head down. Maybe takes up odd jobs to stay afloat. Crimson comes in later, fining revords of Moxxie, and starts investing. Maybe he summons Striker.

- Stolas is the next leader of the cult. Handed sown from his father. Chosen blood or something. He summons a demon bride, Stella, to bring in the anti-christ. He goes along because he feels like he has no choice. But like Moxxie, he's wanted out for a long time.

- He happens upon Blitzo and is delighted to find that at least this demon is pleasant. Their relationship starts as just a break from things. Blitzo is still a low level demon. He shouldn't even be on earth. How he got there is a mystery, but he can't go back to hell. If anyone find out, then he's dead.

- Blitzo still has to eat (or maybe just feed Luna) and Stolas can't hide him, so he gives Blitze the magic book. Not to get from hell and back, but to trasport himself around earth. His clients contact him online or through the phone. Moxxie joins in cuz he's getting desperate. Millie's been working within the cult since being summon by Moxxie. She enjoys his companyso they stick together and grow close. She gives him a sense of safety, and he's teaching her about humans. She becomes softer overtime because of it.

- Moxxie would be more sensitive to killing, so hewouldbe the one to use the book, he's more trained in magic anyway, and would stay in the office to transport everyone.

- Luna uses traveling around to get practice interacting with people. She doesn't have to see them everyday, so failing has less of a sting and lingering embarrassment.

- Octavia is half demon, half human. She's a teen whose confused on what to do with herself. Stella is ruling a section of hell, she doesn't have the time to be a parent or the interest. For the first time Stolas feels like he can connect with someone of his family without all the expectation. He teaches her about the cult, but make time for nicer things. He teaches her about life.

- Octavia is conflicted about her role in the cult. She's part demon but isn't taught their cruelty. She feels isolated and sufficated. Then by one chance outing she meets Luna. Some who understand. Someone to open up too.

- I'm not sure how Stolas and Blitzo's romantic relationship would develop, but I like the idea of them being less hesitant about it when their daughters become friends.

- Blitzo is hiding on earth because of a huge messup. Maybe something that injuries Fizz, gets his mother killed, and gets Barb to hate him. But unlike the show he is fully at fault. There's no way to apologize or take it back.

( Maybe he tries to take a stash of souls/their energy to make himself more powerful cuz he's tired of being at the bottom. But it goes wrong and they get released. They end up in heaven, tipping the scales and setting hell back centuries. Satan himself wants to throw Blitzo into the void.

It could be why they cult is so important. The more it grows, the more souls willfully signing themselves over to hell. If it goes wrong Stella has a lit to lose. If she finds him, and Stolas, things will get ugly. But they can't leave the town. Maybe something about concentrated demonic energy that lower level demons need to survive. The cult and its mass of demons us enough for IMP to be around but it doesn't stretch that far.)

- Ozzie (and Fizz), Beelzebub, Mammon and the other Sins appear when IMP need to do work in other locations, near hotbeds of other cults or demonic activities.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 4

I have my final Uni assignments to finish so the next update might take a little longer, rest assured, I'm working on it when I have spare time.

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Contains: Angst, very brief mention of suicide, fluff, nightmares, discussions of trauma, flirting through being protective.

4.4 K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

"But I can have spiders in my head as long as I don't let them consume me.” - T.J. Klune.

Knock knock

Billy knew what was coming, he had tried to put it off but he could only give so many excuses before the doctors started to fuss, his first appointment with the physiatrist was today. 

"Hello Mr Russo, can I come in?" Despite his frame, Dr Charles was the least intimidating person you could meet. 

"I don't really have a choice." Billy didn't think he needed this, he was doing fine. 

"Well no, part of your plan is talking to someone about what happened to you, we can't let you leave until you're cleared and there's no way you'll be able to return to work either, but maybe we can make the best out of a bad situation." 

Billy waved his hand, "fine, but don't expect me to do much talking and I want to be done by one so I'm not late for rehab." 

Dr Charles smiled, "I think we can manage that." 

"So what do you want to know doc?" Billy's fingers were tapping absentmindedly.

"I want to focus on what you want to know, you much have questions about how you got here?" He was very aware that Billy needed to take this slow, this wasn't the eighties, he had no intention of making him relive things his mind wasn't ready for. 

"I know I got blown up, I know that it was because the guy were protecting was dirty and I know something happened to my face. Other than that, everyone's been a bit light of the details." Light on the details didn't exactly cover it, the answer he was given every time he asked was some variation of "you got blown up." 

Dr Charles nodded, "I'm sorry about that, when coma patients have been through something that causes serious memory loss, we are always hesitant to overload them but I'm happy to ask any questions you have." 

Billy swallowed, "I wanna know what's wrong with my face, I've been awake for five days and no one's let me near a mirror. I can tell something wrong." 

Dr Charels took a deep breath, "You have some scars, I brought a mirror if you want to look but I want to go over some things first." 

Billy felt rage build inside of him, now, when he got angry, he felt like he was going to explode. "Fine, ask your questions, it doesn't matter to me." 

"How do you think a change in your appearance might make you feel?" Dr Charles knew he was going to be met with bravado. 

Billy huffed, "my line of work doesn't exactly rely on me being pretty." 

Doctor Charles nodded, "yes, but that's not what I asked. I asked how it would make you feel." 

Billy's fingers drummed faster, "I don't need to look good to like myself, you don't need to worry about me offing myself doc." 

"This isn't about suicide Mr Russo, I would have asked outright if I thought you were a risk. We all want you to get better and part of that is knowing what might cause setbacks." Dr Charles knew Billy wouldn't have been used to this kind of thing, all the military cared about was keeping men in the war. 

"So you don't care how other people see you? Most people do, even if it's just a little?" Dr Charles was impressed, things were going well.

"The people that matter don't give a shit how you look. Some of my men look like they've survived a horror movie and they don't have problems, why should I?" Billy just wanted to get this over and done with, Dr Charles was making it seem like he had lost half his face.

"Alright then, do you want a mirror?" He could tell Billy was getting agitated.

"What do you think?" Dr Charles reached into the pile on the side table and produced a rectangular mirror the size of a medium book before holding it in front of Billy's face.

There was a moment of shock before it sunk in, then he was hit with waves of different emotions all at once, rage, pain, sadness, loss and to his surprise, relief, it wasn't the worst thing he had seen, "getting blown up is right."

"If I'm being honest Mr Russo, you're taking this better than I thought you would, hell, you're taking it better than most people would." Dr Charles didn't know if he should be concerned, Billy was hard to read.

"Yeah, like I said, I don't need to look good to like myself." The rage was still bubbling at the surface, "you got any other questions doc, because I'd like to be alone right now."

Dr Charles shook his head softly, "no, not right now. I'll be back tomorrow Mr Russo."

Billy sighed, realising this was going to happen whether he liked it or not, "call me Billy, I guess we're going to be seeing a lot of each other."

Dr Charles smiled, "well then Billy, call me Daniel. I'll be in the same time tomorrow, good luck with your rehab today."

Billy managed to hold on until he couldn't hear Dr Charles' footsteps, then he couldn't hold on any longer. He couldn't recall the last time he cried the way he did once he was sure he was alone.

****

"Hey."

Billy felt a mix of feelings when Hazel walked into his room, "hey, I like your scrubs."

She smiled, "elephants are awesome, did you know that when they're babies, they don't really know what to do with their trunks?"

Billy shook his head, "nope, but I do now."

"You doing ok? You seem a bit deflated." Hazel knew Billy had seen Dr Charles early that morning, he had spent the last few days complaining about it.

"Is there a reason no one told me about my face?" His demeanour made sense now.

"Yeah, we were told not to. It's kinda hard to tell someone that they have a whole bunch of scars on their face and doing it wrong is really really bad so we like to play it safe and wait for a shrink to do it." Hazel took her place by his bed and took a deep breath, "do you have any questions? I'm sure you've got so many things running through your head?"

Billy swallowed, "what the hell happened, how did this happen?"

Hazel thought for a moment, "If you like, I can go over your chart with you, we can go through each injury and you can ask all about it, how does that sound?"

Billy's fingers began to drum, "yeah ok."

Hazel popped up and grabbed his chart at the end of his bed before sitting back down and opening it to one of the early pages, "vertical laceration with horizontal branching of the right cheek, two vertical lacerations of the forehead with left laceration extending into the hair line, long vertical lacerations from temple to cheek on the left side, two horizontal lacerations to the nose bridge, shrapnel starburst wound of the left cheek. Glass removed from six of seven wounds."

Billy's fingers continued to drum as he took in the information, "so that's what they saw when you first came in. Your chart then talks about all the surgeries you had and how all the damage to the muscles and nerves was repairable because the glass made clean cuts. I'm guessing you were facing a window or glass door when it happened and the explosion sent everything flying at your face, a bomb tec will tell you the rest."

Billy huffed, "Have you seen the video of those stab proof shirts?" Hazel nodded, "when we have high risk clients, we wear them. The only thing that was unprotected was my face. I got off lucky, had the glass been different, I might not be here. I don't want plastic surgery, make sure they know that."

Hazel placed her hand on Billy's forearm and the tapping stopped, "that's your choice and I think it's the smart one, you've already had a lot of surgery and your body has been under a lot of stress. If you can feel and move your face and the scars don't matter to you then there's no reason to even think about it."

"Do you think they matter?" There was something sad in Billy's tone.

"Nope, not one bit. You work with guys with facial injuries right, do they still live full lives?" She could see Billy sorting through his mind.

"Yeah, they do. Hell, one of them is married to a model and they met after he got burned." Hazel could see the resolve coming over him, like he had found a solution to all his problems.

"There you go, if anyone cares Billy they are not worth your time or effort and if a client cares, then you should take them for all their worth. I know this won't mean anything, but you don't really notice them after a while, I'm not looking at a scarred face, I'm looking at you and I'm alright with that." Billy's chest felt funny, like a mix of butterflies and bravado.

"You're good at making people feel better." The smile Hazel gave him only grew the feelings rumbling under his ribs.

"Well I'd hope so, that's what they pay me for. But you're going to have another session with Dr Charles today because as much as I can talk to you until the cows come home, I'm not qualified to for that kind of making people better." Hazel's tone made it clear he didn't have a choice.

"You really think it will help?" Billy trusted Hazel completely, no matter how hesitant he was about talking to a shrink.

"I do, and I like I said, I talk to him once a month too. It will be worth it and you don't have to talk about the explosion, you can talk about anything. I'm not going to claim to know how fighting overseas has affected you but you had to have seen some shit that keeps you up at night, maybe if you talk about that you can kill two birds with on stone." She sounded a bit like Curt trying to get him to come to group.

"You've missed your calling a UN negotiator." Billy didn't know why he trusted her so much, maybe it's because she was always so genuine with him.

Hazel made a face, "Those assholes are useless. I got my skills getting five year olds to take their cough medicine, they got theirs failing to convince warlords to not be monsters."

Billy laughed, his face spilling into a grin, "that's what I'm saying, if you were with us the Taliban would have tossed in their guns on day one."

Hazel sighed, "you can butter me up all you like, I'm still paging Dr Charles when my two hours are up."

Billy shook his head fondly, "there's no getting anything passed you."

"Nope. Now, I have some major gossip about that new military contracting company and you are going to want to hear it." Hazel had a suggestive smile on her face.

"By the look on your face, it's either a sex scandal or the mob." Billy,knew they weren't a threat but he was happy for the leverage.

"Oh it's a sex scandal and it's real juicy." Billy could tell she was busting to spill the beans.

"I'm dying to know."

****

"I'm glad you asked to get me back here Billy, what made you change your mind?" Something about Billy was definitely different.

"Look, Doc, it's not that I don't believe in this stuff, my buddy runs a vet's group that does amazing work, I just don't think I need it, but I know I'm not getting out of here with the all clear and I can't do my job without a gun so how do you do this?"

Dr Charles smiled, "you seem like the type of man that does best when you have a mission, I'm guessing that's how we got here?"

Billy nodded, "you can take the man out of the Marines but you can't take the Marines out of the man and you're right, once I was awake enough to have a goal to focus on, that's all I did."

"That's real good Billy, it certainly makes my job easier. Therapy isn't much different to what you've been doing, if you can give me a goal, we can find a way to work towards it." Judging by the bags under Billy's eyes, Dr Charles was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Sleep, I can't fucking calm down enough to sleep at night." Billy sounded fed up.

"Yeah, I noticed you're only getting two hours a night, you got an ideas about why you're having trouble other than not being able to calm down?" He knew the answer to that too.

"I'm worried about nightmares, I get flashes sometimes of what I think it the explosion but I've been through it once, I don't need to go through it again." Billy's voice was a mix of fear and anger.

"That's fine with me. We'll start with a sleeping pill, something really mild and we'll go from there. How does that sound?" Dr Chrales was growing more hopeful but the minute.

"I don't want to be stuck in a nightmare Doc, I've been there before too." Billy's fingers started to drum against the bed.

"That's fine with me too, if you get them tonight, I can give you some Prazosin. It's not a permanent fix and we'll have to deal with the cause of the nightmares but it will let you get some sleep and we'll handle the rest when you're ready." He could see the relief on Billy's face.

"You know Doc, the last time I couldn't sleep, I went to a doc at the VA and he told me that I have to learn to deal with the nightmares. He wanted to dose me up and make me go through them every night so I could expose myself to them." Billy was proud he could still read people, even with a scrambled brain, because Dr Charles was angry.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that Billy, we don't do exposure therapy anymore, we now know that exposing people to their traumas before they're ready is harmful and it denies your ability to choose your treatment. If one day you decide that's the way you want to go them we can jump in with both feet, but until them, let's just make sure you get a good's night rest. How does that sound?"

Billy smiled, "that sounds good Doc."

****

"Come on Bill, you're getting old, don't you want to find someone and settle down?" Frank sounded like a grandmother. 

"Like I keep telling you man, I'm doing my duty, I can't leave the beautiful women of this city with cold beds." Billy had seen what Frank had gone through after Rawlins killed Maria and the kids, he wasn't one for setting himself up for heartbreak. 

"You think she won't like you once she gets to know you Bill, you don't give yourself enough credit." Billy sucked on his tongue, Frank didn't need to go dragging shit up. 

"You tell Karen everything we did over there, how the CIA sent us after Rawlins when he went bad, about all the shit that keeps you up at night?" Billy already knew the answer, he was just trying to shut Frank up. 

"You bet I did, we're still together, aren't we? It ain't as scary as you think it is. The right woman won't care." Frank sounded so sure of himself. 

"Alright Frankie, I'll take your word for it but right now, I'm just sharing the wealth." Billy hoped that would be enough for Frank to let it go. 

The shrill buzzing of an emergency ringtone cut Frank's reply. Billy watched as Frank listened to the person on the other end, his face slowly becoming a mix of anger and worry, there was a pause and Frank looked around, the phone still glued to his head, before his eyes went wide. 

"Get away from the wind......" 

Billy's eyes shot open, his heart racing in his chest as he tried to get his bearings. His whole body hurt but it was a strange pain, like fantom claws ripping into his flesh, he managed to raise his arm but before he could touch his face, his shoulder crumbled in agony. 

Parts of the nightmare faded, leaving only his conversation with Frank left. As much as he hated the lingering panic in his chest, he was grateful the memories were returning. 

****

Knock knock

"Yeah." 

Hazel wandered in with a smile on her face, the blue of her shark scrubs making her brown eyes look like obsidian under the bright lights, "for a man that clearly hasn't slept a wink, you look happy." 

Billy nodded, "I am, I saw Daniel this morning, he thinks I'm making good progress." 

Her smile widened, "really? That's great."

She took her spot by his bed and he reached his hand out for her to take, Hazel's hand sliding into his, "you're right, I didn't sleep last night but the doc's going to give me some drug to help with the nightmares and the bonus is I remember some of what happened."

"Prazosin, it's an amazing drug. I was on it for about four months after I was attacked." Like usual, Billy was grateful for her openness.

"Did it work?" Billy could see Hazel was thinking about her answer.

"Yes, they didn't go away entirely but I didn't wake up in the middle of a panic attack and it gave me time to heal so I could get to the root of what was causing them without worrying about falling asleep every night. Coming of them was a bit of a bitch, I had the weirdest dreams for about six weeks but I'm better now and when I have nightmares, I use the techniques Dr Charles have given me to feel better." That burning anger was back, it struck Billy how fierce it was.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm not sorry you shot him." Hazel squeezed his hand as her thumb stroked his skin.

"Neither am I. But enough about me, tell me how the news about that scandal has spread." Billy smiled, Marines gossip worse than school girls and he was more than happy to take part.

"Oh, you're going to want to strap in because it's a wild ride."

Two Weeks Later

Billy knew what he was caple of, he had already pulled himself up from the dirt once and he was going to do it again but right now, all he could focus on was the blinding pain in his limb. It came hard and fast and he had cramps so bad they wrapped his body in agony and pins and needles that made him feel like he was being dipped in a pot of boiling oil.

None of that mattered, all Billy focused on was getting better. Rehab became a mess of tiny improvements and waiting for the misery of pain to ebb back into the background.

Billy forced himself to hover at the edges of conciseness, waiting for Hazel's daily visit. Today's physio session had been almost unbearable, but that didn't stop him from asking for more. Right now, he was psyching himself up to ask for more pain meds. He was having at least one session a day with Dr Charles and it was sinking in that it was ok to ask for help, that he didn't need to cope with pain, if only the nurse would hurry up.

He popped in, clicking his pen and Billy considered killing him with it, only to be handed two pills and have a cup shoved in his face. Billy lifted the drugs to his mouth and took the cup from the man, "I can do that myself now, it should be in my chart."

The man gave him a fake smile, "sorry about that, I'm only a student and they've just giving more responsibilities, I can't keep track of everyone."

The glare Billy gave the man had him think twice, "right, I will be back in an hour to see how you're feeling."

Billy blinked, an hour seemed like an awfully long time.

****

"Billy, holy shit are you alright?" Hazel sounded so worried and he hated it.

"I'm fine, the meds aren't working." His voice was tight.

Her eyebrows wrinkled, "that doesn't make sense, they've been working fine so far." Her face as she read his chart told him all he needed to know.

"Lizabeth, get in here now." She sounded enraged and Lizabeth seemed to pick up on it as she came racing in.

"I just heard my government name in front of a patient we've both known for months, what is it?" Hazel handed her Billy's chart and if he thought Hazel looked scary when she was angry, Lizzy was something else.

"Fucking Tylenol? I'll go get him, he's been a problem since he got his med privileges. Knight will have him on his ass after this." Lizabeth left for a moment and returned with the nurse who had come into his room before.

"Do you know how to read a chart?" Hazel was already up and shoving the chart in the student's face before returning to Billy's side.

"Yes, I do." He sounded pissed.

"You clearly don't. 'The patient is to be given Tizanidine at first request and Tramadol upon second request. On call doctor may exercise discretion if stronger drugs are needed.' This cocktail has been working since Billy woke up, is there any reason you went over the heads of five doctors, the head nurse and his two personal nurses? Keep in mind I have nothing to do with this, he's not my patient but I still agree with this plan." Lizabeth didn't step in to stop the hell Hazel was about to give him.

"These drugs are addictive and Mr Russo is going to be here a while, he needs to learn to cope with his pain." There was a pause and Billy could see Knight getting nervous.

"You got a name?" If Billy was in less pain, this would have been a sight.

"Jared Brooks." Jared had the face of a man who didn't know what was coming to him.

"Well Jared, you've only been working in a hospital for six months and you've only had the privilege of handing patients their meds for two days. You are not allowed to give them anything not listed in their chart, you are to get them from your med cart. You're lucky you're not on my ward, my head nurse would have dragged you to the stress herself. Lucky for you, the head nurse for long term care is doing the right thing and at a conference for new treatments. What do you have to say for yourself?" Billy was ready for Hazel to kill him.

"I made a mistake, it won't happen again." He was still as smug as he was when this started.

Billy watched Hazel carefully, he knew what was about to happen, "You make a mistake, a mistake? Oh no, you made more than a mistake, you mistook your ego for medical care and risked the mental, physical and emotional health of a patient to prove a point about something you don't even understand. You didn't make a mistake, you made what could have been a fatal error in your judgement. You are the worst student nurse I have ever met for a teaching hospital, that's saying something. I can only assume that you used the fact that our actual staff were busy to take advantage of the people that needed you the most. I have no words to describe…"

Billy reached out and grabbed her hand, "you're going to make the poor man cry. I'm not mad, everyone makes mistakes Hazel. I'm sure Mr Brooks will be dealt with."

Lizabeth spoke up, her voice hard, "Get off the premises now or I will have you removed, you can expect us to call your academic board within the hour." She turned to Billy, "we will let you get some rest and the meds you need. This is the second time he's done this today, he won't be coming back."

Billy eagerly swallowed the handful of pills Lizabeth handed him and rested back on the pillows while she closed the blinds and quieted the room, "I'll hang here and give him the good news."

Lizabeth nodded, "thanks Hazel, buzz if you need anything."

Lizabeth left and Hazel relaxed into her chair, "I was coming in to tell you something wonderful so I'm sorry you got to see me Hulk out."

Billy laughed, "you kidding me? If you ever need a job at Anvil, it's yours, I thought you were going to hit him."

Hazel huffed, "I fucking wanted to."

The tension was leaving his body by the second, "tell me the good news."

He could hear the joy in Hazel's voice, "long term care and the peds ward share a state of the art rehab room. Now that you're in the low support section and we've got you sleeping, you've been cleared to start your rehab over there."

Billy's chest felt funny, "does that mean I get to see you in action? I know the nurses take their patients and help out, Dr Charles said it was something about continued support."

Hazel nodded, "yep, we pride ourselves on not only having support networks within wards by within wings too. We go where your patients go to the best of our ability. Now, I can't say it will be easy but it's not like you're not already going through it so you'll be fine."

Billy grinned, the pain almost gone, "I get to see you work, not just hear about it from everyone. You know Lizzy and Dr Charles say you're one of the best peds nurses they ever met?"

Hazel broke eye contact with a slight smile on her face, "I know, they've told me. But I've also been told I'm a big meanie, we end up sharing a section you might change your mind."

Billy smiled, "I'm looking forward to it. I get to see where all my tax dollars are going."

Hazel shook her head fondly, "get some sleep Russo, you're going to need it."

Part 5

[nyxlarkyn]

Weiss and the Caterpillar:

Weiss' growth will be pushed by the caterpillar.

I have no idea how much growth they intend for Weiss this volume. I think her and the bees might be pushed on the back burner. I'm sure they will have moments but just like one or two big ones the rest is going to only be focused on Ruby.

I always find that Weiss really listens to her respected authority figures and grows from them. From moments with her professors, family, and friends. She listens to them and decides what to do from that.

Most notable are her talks with Winter.

In vol3, when she was showing off to her sister how much she had grown, she's hit with a, "you don't know shit yet little sis" by Winter. She reassures Weiss of how well she's doing but reminds her,

"Your semblance is like a muscle, the more you practice with it, the stronger you will become. But if you only focus on one aspect of it, you fail to test the limits of what you think is possible."

Which is alluded to the fact that Weiss still hasn't managed to summon yet. But right before Winter says this Weiss tells her how she's improved on her glyphs, specifically mentioning her time dilation. One I don't think I've seen her use in awhile.

Later in the episode it cuts to them training on her summoning with a caterpillar in the foreground, them in the background before the camera focuses on them. Weiss fails to summon. Her sister offers her more advice. Weiss listens to it.

The second time we see the caterpillar is when both sisters walk out of frame and camera moves back to it and focuses on it. Behind it is a sword the same size that Weiss summoned. Showing us, but not her, that she is growing.

A caterpillar is an odd choice. Yeah, shows us a good sizing but like why? Would be just as effective without it. Because RWBY is a show all about foreshadowing. Building off of what Monty left us in the first two volumes and who knows how much of 3 and beyond.

Winter tells Weiss in before they depart.

"Emotions can grant you strength, but you must not let them overpower you. It sounds to me like you have two choices. in front of you. You can either call him back, beg for his money and explain once more why you want to study at Beacon over Atlas. Or you could continue to explore Remnant. Discover more about the world, and honestly, more about yourself."

Weiss has learned this lesson. She can summon. She's getting quicker at summoning previously used creatures and for those she still has trouble fully summoning; she still finds ways to utilize them. (Nevermore feathers to shoot at enemies to gain the upper hand despite not being able to fully and quickly summon yet) She can use her glyphs to support and defend herself and her teammates at the same time. She has grown in her abilities.

It's time for her to share this knowledge, especially with Ruby.

But we've seen a lack of her growth of a partner, especially as the team captain's partner. This volume will focus on how she can support her team outside of battle, especially her leader and partner.

It's not as though she lacks the support her teammates need. We see her advice Yang about Blake and the different types of loneliness. She's there to support Nora, Blake, Ruby, and Penny in moments of doubt and worry. Yet Ruby has had a hard time learning to lean into that type of support. Nor does Weiss know just how much more support Ruby needs.

The caterpillar will be there to help out the emotional growth needed between these two characters. Maybe this scene will be Weiss' wakeup call that something is not right with Ruby and be when she starts switching to the emotionally supportive partner.

It's odd that we've seen Blake teased on the bridge with clouds, Ruby on it in the intro, and Yang has been both teased on it along with falling down from it on the official poster. Weiss hasn't been shown on the bridge.

She has been shown in the mushroom forest on the poster and her teaser looks like she's up against a mushroom. So, this area will be important for her:

I believe RYB will trip on some mushrooms and go to the clouds while Weiss trip sits and gets words of wisdom from the Caterpillar. Maybe even overhear things the other girls are saying while trippin.

Whatever insight she gains out of this area will be key for her character this season.