#and i felt like people would sense that and i'd ruin it for people

[not-poignant]

jesus Pia that sounds fucking rough.. I've been following you and reading your stories from 2015, and I never knew about this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Sending you all the best <3

I didn't speak about it openly at the time because I had a policy of not shit-talking on my Tumblr, and I knew at the time if I mentioned what was happening specifically re: the self-harm photos, everyone would know who I was talking about, and I worried it might create backlash for this person. And while I felt manipulated and abused by her, I was genuinely worried for her mental health, and I didn't want her getting hate from people who saw what was happening to me. (Because like, I did carry some influence in that fandom, and that would have been fucking terrible).

The person who sent me most of the hate messages actually emailed me to apologise months later, which was bizarre, but... it didn't surprise me to know she was good friends with this other person. Because she always sent them under anon, I had no idea who she was until she apologised.

But yeah the reason a lot of people don't know is because I just...was only talking about it behind closed doors to cope, and trying to keep it away from anywhere other people could see it. I wasn't always successful, and I think I did mention I was having a tough time because of some of the people in the fandom, but that was the extent of what I tried to say.

Now that a lot of time has gone by, no one really knows who that person is anymore (though I think a very few people who were super active in the tags at the time might have some suspicions), and so I don't have to worry about her getting any hate, and she's a lot harder to identify. I don't even know if she's on Tumblr anymore.

I have a general policy of keeping that stuff off my blog, so I turned off anon sometimes, and I deleted (and tried to block) a lot of anon messages, I responded to very few. I have a general 'delete anything that I can't turn into something useful' policy. Sometimes messages from antis I can turn into a teaching/education moment, but if it's just repeated 'KYS' messages, there's nothing for that except the bin.

I do have a lot of screenshotted receipts though, lol. I got in the habit of screenshotting things, because I became quite paranoid at the time (esp because I didn't know how many people were sending me all the anons, so it felt for a while like it was a LOT of people vs. I think just a few very disturbed dedicated people lol), so I have a folder in my RotG writing folder literally of just...Tumblr drama, lol. It's sad to think about. I think it's one of the reasons I don't really go as deep into fandoms anymore like I used to. :( But that might change with time. :)

[mooishbeam]

『♡』 Servant’s Secret 

♡ featuring: ayato kamisato x f!reader

♡ summary: the commissioner catches you during some alone time, and decides that punishment is in order. wc: 2.1k+

♡ cw/tw: afab, unprotected sex, breeding, edging, overstimulation, spanking, humiliation, slightly sadist?, cunnilingus, mild degradation, pet names (bunny)

notes: hello! I read a lot of smut but never write it and it's been years since I've written anything so I figured I'd give it a try! sorry if I'm a bit rusty. let me know if u like it <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated!

The commissioner was a busy man. When he occasionally visited the town, his honeyed words left a lasting pleasant impression on the public. However, Ayato would be gone many nights, returning haggard from cumbersome affairs. He flashes a gentle smile, reluctant to reveal the vitriol he harbored for these repetitive duties. He was a man to be feared, stopping at nothing to achieve his goals. Stern and prideful and clement. Only the most loyal companions could see him in this vulnerable state. Therefore, it came as a surprise to Ayato when he took a liking to you.

Maybe it was the way you accidentally beamed whenever he returned to you, awaiting his arrival like a loyal pet. “Welcome back, my lord.” You’d say in a monotone cadence. Though you were anything but when he wasn’t around. When you and Thoma had your weekly water fights in the kitchen during food prep he pretended not to notice. When your soft giggle echoed against the confines of his heart, he pretended not to notice.  

Simply because the thought of you smiling for everyone but him was frustrating.  

You were a lowly servant. You were careful not to disturb his tedious work. You felt he was much more important than you; a man this compassionate and protective over his people should be considered in the highest regard. Still, you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks glow hot whenever he called your name, saccharine vibrations that sent shivers down your spine. Sometimes his gloved hand would graze against your shoulder or neck, leading you to wonder how it would feel in other places. He never caught you dozing off—or so you thought—but daydreaming about his lips decorating your neck was a daily occurrence.  

Tonight, was a night like any other after finishing your tasks. As you wandered through the garden, the stars casted an orchestra across the welkin. You tell yourself repeatedly to repress the improper thoughts you had of him. But turning to the sky to cleanse your mind doesn’t always help, and so you return to your quarters for a more direct approach.  

Sliding your hands between your legs, the only thing you can think about is Ayato’s delicate fingers working their way inside you, kissing the shell of your ear with light praises. Usually, you were more careful to lock the door and control your voice, but your senses were clouded with the stimulation of chasing your high. “Ayato...” you whimpered into the bed sheets continuously. Just as you were about to cum, a familiar voice approached the door. “(Y/N)? In the morning I need you to- “. Cracking the door open, Ayato caught a glimpse of your flustered, trembling figure.  

It happened so fast you couldn’t register it. He immediately shut the door, followed by a quick “My apologies”. Your orgasm was immediately ruined, and you were mortified. You never prayed to an archon before now, but you called on all of them to save you in this moment.  

Your plan was to avoid him at all costs. The only thing you could hope for was that he didn’t catch the moaning. Your tasks for the next two days were done quickly and quietly, too stricken by horror to bear seeing his face. Ayato immediately caught on, but the thought of chasing you was slightly amusing to him.  

On the third day, your cleaning was just wrapping up.  

“Excellent job today, (Y/N).” His presence this close to your ear was shocking and you almost dropped the duster in your hand. “Thank you, my lord. I’ll be going now.”  

“Mm, no. I would like to speak with you privately.” He said, his lips slightly curling. You wanted anything but that right now.  

“Have I… have I done something wrong my lord?”  

“Have you?” He retorts, his eyes peering into yours. You felt all the air leave your chest. “I don’t think so, no.”  

“Okay, come then.” His tone was almost commanding more than playful, and you knew not to protest.  

In his quarters, you both sat quietly for some time. He leaned forward with his hands under his chin, staring at you from across the desk. You try your best to avert his gaze, but his eyes never leave you. The room feels so much smaller now, like a predator surrounding its prey.

“You’ve been avoiding me. Have I done something to offend you?”  

“No, my lord” you reassure him, “I was just feeling a bit ill.”  

“Ah, I see.” He lazily covered his mouth with one hand, attempting to stifle the sly smirk that creeped onto his face.  

“I can’t allow my subordinate to fall under the weather. May I check?” You allowed him to get closer. He removed one glove and grazed his hand against your face, then the back of your neck, then your ears. You were burning up just from the contact of his bare hand.  

“You feel hot. Looks like a bad fever.” You nod along, fueling the lie.  

“Do liars commonly come down with the flu?” 

“…What?”  

“You were shaking and sweating when I caught you a few days ago, perhaps that’s a symptom.” You immediately knew what he was talking about and went into panic mode looking for a proper explanation. Instead of padding for more lies, you drop to your knees and bow your head.  

“I’m so sorry, my lord. My actions were disrespectful and crude and this will never happen again.”  

A soft ‘tsk’ came from Ayato. “Why are you using ‘my lord’ when my first name was commonplace on your lips not too long ago?” Nothing could make your life worse right now. You couldn’t find any other words and bowed your head again.  

“I’m deeply sorry.”  

“…So, what should I do? I can’t just allow this to go unpunished.”  

“I’ll accept any punishment, my lord.”  

His eyes darkened at this statement.  

“Anything?”  

“Your lying is more indecent than everything else. What did you say again?”  

You were completely stripped naked and bent over his desk, your hands tied behind your back. It was an hour since you accepted your punishment, and you came three times already. A clit sucker is attached to your pussy, while Ayato sits back and curls his fingers into your dripping heat. Any rational thought you had sunk a while ago. “So- ’m so sorry my lord.” Your words teeter on babbling; mind foggy from his skillful digits. A sharp slap makes contact with your ass a few times, forcing your back to arch and send spikes of pleasure through your legs.  

“I’d appreciate it if my pet was more honest. But it’s okay, I have no problem reteaching obedience.”  

He sped up his fingers, matching the movement of your body writhing in pleasure. Your cum dripping down his gloved fingers made his cock twitch and grow in his tightening slacks. “Poor thing, your pussy is so puffy and sensitive. You’re not going to give up on me, right?” He detached the sucker from your clit and admired how swollen you were. The feeling of being empty made you whine, before he sent a stinging slap to your clit.  

“Ah. No, my l- “Before you could finish, Ayato shoved his fingers covered in your essence in your mouth. You sucked on his fingers, and he tugged your hair roughly, forcing you to look up at him. “You are not to call me ‘my lord’ anymore. Only Ayato. Do you understand?” You nod through half-lidded eyes.  

“Good girl.” He spread your backside to get a perfect view of the sticky mess coating your inner thighs and ass and licked a long stripe into you. The feeling of his wet muscle invaded your senses and turned your brain to mush. He ate you out like a starving man, grunting from the squelching noises that erupted from your core whenever he sucked on your folds. He stopped occasionally to catch his breath and went back in to lap up your juices.  

“Please Ayato, ‘M gonna cum.” He was greedy and unforgiving, feeling his smile soaked in your arousal whenever you pulled away because it was too much. The raw sensation made your knees buckle, but your legs subconsciously opened wider for him. You just wanted to be good for him. Then he suddenly stopped. 

“Are you sure you deserve it?” He cooed. You turn to meet his dark sadistic gaze. 

“Please.” Your words are broken and fall to a whisper, tears spilling from heightened sensitivity. His smile is soft sunlight despite the look in his eyes, and he takes your chin within the caress of his palm. “When you misbehave, these things happen. I don’t think you deserve it just yet.”  

Ayato cut the restraints binding your wrists and carries you bridal style to the plush bedding further in his chambers. He set you down like a delicate flower and began to strip. You try your best to cover yourself, but the numbness in your limbs protested. “Exposing yourself so shamefully in front of the commissioner, how errant.” He teases. Ayato finally springs his cock free, sticky with precum and desire. His veins meet the underside of his shaft and angry red tip, begging to be buried inside you. He steadies over you, placing a breathtaking kiss to trailing soft pecks and bites along your ear. It was stirring you up all over again, and you wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the kisses. “Wan’ you.” You mumble between breaths.  

“Do you? Beg for it.” You suddenly get shy, unable to find the words. “Tell me exactly what you want, my little bunny.” 

“I want... I want you to ruin me. I need it bad Ayato please.” For some reason, verbalizing what you wanted was much more embarrassing, and he felt your reluctance. “This shouldn’t be too hard for you, right? What did you think about when you touched yourself to me?” His directness makes you cower. “Did I face-fuck you to tears or was I more passionate. Tell me everything.” Your breath hitched. “I want your cock deep inside me and I want you to breed me. I don’t want you to hold back, do whatever you want to me please.” This answer seems to satisfy him. 

“Good girl.” 

Ayato positions you into a mating press and in one motion shoves himself balls deep in your sex. His breath is ragged, and the feeling of your walls sucking and clenching around him perfectly drove him over the edge. He begins driving himself in and out of you from base to tip, squelching and slapping from his balls against your ass echoed throughout the room. His veins dragging along your most sensitive spots combined with the tuft of hair that made contact with your clit after each thrust make you dizzy. You're drowning in his scent and your heart is drumming in your chest. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?” His words come out shaky. “My little bunny. You’re mine. Say it.” His thrusts get needier and rougher, and his whimpers turn to breathy whining. The coil tightening in your stomach threatened to snap at any minute, but you held on for permission. 

“I'm yours, Ayato. Please-”  

“Go ahead, cum for me bunny. Cum on my cock.” Stern, almost like a command, he speeds up and begins to rub circles on your abused clit. Your legs shake and you throw your head back along with your eyes. You came on him with a scream, violently clenching and pulsing around his girth. He doesn’t stop and fucks you through your high as he is approaching his. “Where do you want my cum?” Everything in you clung to him tightly, and so you begged for him to do it inside. 

“Fuck- you’re such a good slut. All for me.” He finally reaches his climax, stuffing you to the hilt and spurting into you. Thick, hot cum fills you from the inside as he whimpers throughout it, feeling his cock twitch at times. He stays there for a while, making sure you were properly full. Making sure he owned you. You were so exhausted you ended up dozing off with him still inside. 

You wake up to a sleeping Ayato, eyes lingering on the scratches littering his back. You were cleaned up, minus the dark bite marks dotted around your torso. The early morning sun reflected on him like an angel, and you wanted nothing more than to stay with him. Recollecting the hot daze on his face from the previous night, surely there wouldn’t be any harm in continuing this arrangement. 

[ominous-horse-noises]

im ab to be annoying ab dimension20 fhjy but im genuinely loving the character arcs for the bad kids this season?

kristen going from self-annihilatingly stupid to trying to build a genuine bridge with the man who not only wielded the religion that traumatised her (bobby dawn), but also was trying to ruin her life, just bc she thought a grieving father ought to be comforted in some way? her genuine distress at being unable to revivify buddy even though the two had only had negative interactions, or her biting her tongue in front of her parents so she could better look after her little siblings? grappling with the fact that she still, on some level, expected practising religion to be easy and convenient for her as a holdover from an entire childhood spent being a Chosen One, and finally putting her nose to the grindstone and committing to working her ass off for a deity that couldn't even benefit her for a hot minute? making an effort to be cordial with tracker's new gf and letting go of that codependency? the kristen applebees from ep20 would NOT do all the same stupid shit as ep1 and i love that.

fabian being humbled by the narrative again and again has been an absolute treat for his character. the whole ivy/mazey situation was great: freshman/sophomore year fabian would've gone for ivy no sweat, i mean her character seemed pretty similar to pre-redemption aelwyn and he had a huge crush on her then. but this time, when he realised he'd hurt a genuinely great person, and intentionally swallowed his pride to make it up to mazey, even though it required him being 'uncool' with the whole twister thing. his general arc of learning that earnestness and humility doesn't make him less of a man felt like a natural extension of fabian defining his own version of masculinity- sure, a 'maximum legend', but also someone deeply involved in the arts, and someone who is less afraid of saying sorry and being vulnerable in front of someone he likes

fig. fig fig fig. what a woman. its been absolutely fascinating watching build her sense of identity over these three seasons. at her core, fig is a character that loves so deeply. in freshman, she was terrified of the depth of her own devotion, so she tried to distance herself emotionally from everyone. in sophomore, she built herself around that love for other people. in junior year, fig's arc has been learning she can do both: that she's defined by her love for others, but not solely by it. ik emily wanted to retire the character before this season but i think fig's paladin arc was the best capstone to her journey possible.

gorgug's arc has been about establishing clear boundaries for himself and i love it. im aware there's been some Discourse ab the mango soda scene but to me that was pretty easily chalked up to teenage insecurity. a big part of gorgug's arc was trying to believe in himself when everyone around him told him he was too dumb to follow his passion- imagine struggling in an area that you have no natural aptitude for, and someone comes along and also trounces you in the one area you thought you were the best in. i'd be petty and reactive too (gorgug follows up calling her a freak with the fact that she beat the shit out of him, so its clearly him just still smarting from a bruised ego and not actual malice). in general, i've really like gorgug learning to put his foot down and say enough is enough without completely losing his gentleness.

adaine hasnt had an obvious arc, but considering she addressed most of her baggage in the first two seasons, i'm not surprised. i would've liked to see the other bad kids address her 'teenage adult' behaviour, but her self-awareness about it and relying on fabian to pull in clutch for the oracool stuff still felt like she'd learned to rely on her friends at least + her reaching out to aelwyn and the two of them healing from their parents together has been rewarding it its own right.

riz is perfect and has learned nothing. his neuroticism is part of his natural swag

[nyursi]

𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐀𝐔𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐘!

꒰ † ੭‎ㅤNSFW 18+ㅤ(MDNI)...  oliver never thought that arriving at saltburn would leave a much more deep and sinister ache in his bones. and it's all because of you. felix is no better.ㅤノㅤnot proofread.

ᡴꪫ‎ TODAY'S SPECIAL!ㅤfelix catton, oliver quick.

WOULD YOU LIKE SPRINKLES? (っω=`)ㅤm!rdr, no spoilers surprisingly, weird stuff cause its oliver (but felix is weird too), wet dreams, stealing underwear, drugging, groping, somnophilia.

                 ㅤ ⏝꒷۰꒷⏝꒷۰꒷⏝꒷۰꒷⏝

It was alluring, really. Who could say no to the gorgeous stone walls of the castle? With its very own glamorous inhabitants to match as well. Saltburn practically begged Oliver to come and take it all for himself.

And who was he to deny that call?

Felix Catton too, bore the same charisma. The boy always had everyones eyes on him, no matter the place or time. There was just something about him that grabbed all the attention.

Like a magnet, attracting all the girls and boys to present themselves just to gain a spot in Felix's long list of night stands.

So when Felix so graciously offered for Oliver to spend the summer with him, how could he say no?

He felt so fulfilled, seeing the extravagant hallways, walls lined with all the odd things they had, and the majestic carpets complementing the floor. But nothing ever compared to the feeling that hit him like a truck when he met you.

It was unexpected. There was a quick panic that you, of all people, would ruin his plans, to conquer the estate and banish all the Catton's from existence. I mean, who were you? A relative? Close friend? Surely someone important enough for Elspeth and Sir James to let you stay.

"This is my friend," Felix introduced, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, having noticed the tension between you two. Despite the awkwardness filling the air; you excitedly held out your hand for Oliver to shake. "How come I've never seen you around?" He asked.

You shrugged, "I don't go to Oxford."

Oliver must've not realized how tight his grip had been on your hand, not until you struggled to pull away. Felix smirked in amusement. "Now now, play nice Oliver. He's fragile, and I'd prefer my little friend to be in good condition at all times."

"Felix!" You groaned, nudging against his chest. Rolling your eyes playfully, you shook your head and looked to Oliver. "Don't listen to him, roughhouse all you want." The sweet smile reached your eyes, but the words that accompanied it were venomous. "He did it all the time when we were little. Actually, he still does."

Oh. So you two were close.

He didn't know why, but it left a rather bitter taste in his mouth. Was it because you were close with Felix? Or because Felix was close with you?

Either way, Oliver quickly realized that it just made sense for both of you to be friends. You were a warm light that drew everyone closer, huddling for the warmth you gave so generously. With your attractive physique to accompany such a bright personality made Oliver's heart flutter in a way that made him unsure. (Not to mention that cute boyish smile you had on your face nearly 24/7.)

Had you attended Oxford too— he was sure you and Felix would be a duo no one could forget. A package deal, he'd say.

Oliver found it uncomfortable how quick you were able to get on his good side. You were just so... likeable. In a way that whenever you and Felix would mess around, he found it endearing.

Two utterly perfect boys with the most perfect relationship. Everyone in Oxford would kill to be you.

But Oliver would kill to take Felix's place.

And that thought shocked him; Oliver never thought there would ever be someone else to hold on pedestal, higher than the throne Felix sat on. Because he wanted that closeness, the intimacy of your so called friendship, your very being down to your bones.

He was desperate to have your attention, to join in your silly little inside jokes that Oliver could never understand, to be the reason of your giggles and reddened cheeks from laughter, how your chest heaved with every intense howl deep from your chest, not Felix.

It's not like he didn't notice Felix's unwavering affection towards you. It almost made Oliver chuckle out loud, the first time he found out how enamored Felix was with the boy he wanted to get rid of.

He didn't know he'd too, join the bandwagon of steadfast interest towards Felix's friend. (Boy toy, Oliver wanted to say. But with how platonic you are with him, he doubts the godsend Felix ever had a chance to devour you.)

No worries, Oliver will just take things in his own hands. He'll handle these pressing matters, like how he always has and always will. It's just in his nature. He may never be the strongest, or most attractive in the room, but he sure is the smartest.

Hell— he's definitely the most intelligent amongst those in Saltburn. That's for sure.

You were just incredibly dumb. Gullible, naive— too trusting. Too ready to welcome the outsider Oliver Quick within the estate, who looked like he was attempting to take and seal away Felix from ever seeing you again.

Did you really not feel their burning gazes on your body? Whenever you donned the awfully tight swim shorts at the pond; neither could pull away their eyes because of how it hugged your frame. Showing off the curve of your hips and your behind, displaying a waist that they wanted to grab so badly, and thighs that could be stared at for days.

The exposed skin glistening with water under the burning sun, messy wet hair that clung to your forehead. Plump red lips that encased a popsicle, suckling and even poking your tongue out to lick your fingers when the melted treat slowly dribbled down them.

Perhaps you did know, and this was your own way of teasing them for a stunt they pulled a few nights before. Revenge.

That night, when you wore such careless attire, one that consisted of a large shirt that practically engulfed your frame (one that Oliver knew to be Felix's), and the sinful boxers that held your prick just behind the fabric, Oliver took a trip to the laundry room.

Imagine his shock when he found Felix Catton digging through your laundry basket that held the same boxers from the night before.

A solidarity formed between them that night. A relationship deeper than before. Oliver was just as in love with you as Felix was.

But it killed them to see how oblivious you were with their intentions.

Weren't they trying hard enough?

It came to the point where they were desperate enough to consider drugs. Of all things. The family would all have dinner as usual, but a simple slip of an extra ingredient would be placed into your food.

"Are you alright, dear?" Elspeth asked, concerned from the other side of the table.

Felix quickly came to your rescue, standing up and dragging you to your bedroom. "He might be ill, we'll take care of him." He met eyes with Oliver, who didn't hesitate to join his side. "I'll see to it that he recovers smoothly." And without a second thought, they both left to carry you to Felix's bedroom.

You groaned, the pounding in your skull too much to handle. But Felix talked you through it all the way. Legs too weak to get up the stairs? No worries, they've got that covered. Neither complained when they're able to get this close to your warm body.

"Atta boy," Felix praised, slowly lowering you on his bed. Oliver placed the back of his hand to your forehead, wincing at its temperature.

"That's not a side effect, is it?" Their motives were ultimately changed when you kept writhing on the bed, uncomfortable at the heat and ache throughout your body. You felt sick. This was not part of the plan.

Felix scoffed. "Of course not." He turned to you, frowning when you sobbed. "We'll just... change plans."

There was no doubt to it. Your current state was not to their liking to continue their original ideas, and its not like it was helping with their... guilt. Thinking back on it, they've realized that their original plan was rather unsavory.

It made them look like hypocrites.

After all, they've been wanting and needing you to dream of them as well. Countless nights spent under the sheets behind the safety of their doors, jacking off and wishing it was your hole around their cocks, not their fists.

The wet dreams of you being so good for them, taking them all at once— or the times when they peaked through the bathroom door to watch you showering, and purposefully breaking your doorknob so they can barge in your room whilst you were getting dressed, those they could play off.

But to take you, unsolicited whilst your mind was hazy, was against all their fantasies. They wanted you to want them the same way. With the same desperation, the same debauchery.

So they let you be for now.

The late night fantasies that constantly replayed in their head would be enough. For your sake. Because if they allowed the strong, primal urge to pounce and take you as you were; the bed is where you'd live.

But it doesn't mean the urge was gone.

Oh no, it was very much still there.

So when your soft snores reached their ears, they wasted no time to climb under the sheets, with you between their aching bodies. And no matter how hard they tried to shoo away the dark thoughts nagging at the back of their heads, it still found a way to hypontize them.

It was a golden opportunity. You were sick, yes. But you were still drugged. Fast asleep. Deep into dreamland. How could they pass it up?

Oliver bit his lip and maintained eye contact with Felix. What were they to do? Felix stayed in deep contemplation, but was quickly surprised when Oliver made the first move.

He quickly raised your shirt up to your collarbone, breath stuck in his throat when he was met with your nipples. Oliver traced your chest with his finger, featherlight as he felt your soft skin for the first time.

And shit, did it feel great.

Felix on the other hand, took a more bold approach. Kissing at your nape while massaging his hand down your spine, towards your waistband. He tugged at first, but eventually settled on sneaking his palm beneath your boxers to feel the sweet mounds of flesh he's been dreaming of.

They groped and touched, feeling up every inch of you. No nook or cranny was left un-corrupted by their sinful hands. Slowly, their cocks hardened and they threw away all rational thoughts (Though there were none to begin with, really. Did anyone think rationally when they were in your presence?) Beginning to hump and palm at your own crotch.

Your drowsy whines and hums brought them closer to release. Even in your sleep you managed to be oblivious, unknowing to the dirty acts they commit. Hips bucking and stuttering, breath hitching, the creaking of the bed.

Whispered cussing and lip biting, red marks littered across your skin with their harsh grabbing. It was only after they reached their peak had all your breaths labored, you probably just thought it was a really good dream.

Oliver and Felix began to feel their eyelids get heavy. Even if they didn't get what they originally wanted, at least they got a taste of it. And fuck did they want more.

But no matter, there was always next time.

vanillaclaws 2024.ㅤdo not repost.

[amaya-writes]

Hi Amaya!

I don't know if you've already gotten. One of my previous requests but I'd like to send another one in, if you don't mind.

Could you write a one shot with Kiyotaka Ayanokouji, from Classroom of the elite?

I'd really appreciate it if the reader could be kept fem! And the one shot was fluff/angst, but it's ultimately up to you.

Have a nice day/night/afternoon!

Notes: I haven't written for Ayanokouji in forever omg so I just had to do this!

Warnings: slight angst, reader doesn't realise she's being used

Characters involved: Kiyotaka Ayanokouji

Fem reader, you/yours

He tried ignoring your advances, Kiyotaka really did.

At first it was easy to simply drop a small peck or two on the crown of your head as you shifted impossibly closer to him. But you were just so needy.

"Kiyotakaaa."

The way you whined his name made the boy in question sigh as he felt you shift beside him, but he still mustered the energy to lock eyes with you.

"You're behaving weird today."

Your proximity made it easy for him to feel your skin heat up at his words, but your sudden embarrassment unfortunately did nothing to trump your neediness.

Instead, you shifted your hands from their previous position on his chest to cup his cheeks as you planted one peck after the other across his face.

"I miss you."

"I'm right here."

Your nose wrinkled in annoyance at the reply. You tried to hide it, but Kiyotaka could see the way your mannerisms shifted from playfulness to a sudden sense of discomfort.

You were getting offended. And that was never a good thing.

A soft hum left his lips as Kiyotaka shut the laptop that had been resting on his lap for the past hour, allowing it to fall onto the mattress as his hands shifted from the keyboard to the nape of your neck.

"You have me now. So, what did you want?"

Your lips morphed into a wide smile as you winded your arms around his neck. Your nimble fingers trailed through his hair, no doubt ruining his style, but Kiyotaka couldn't have voiced his annoyance even if he wanted to, for your lips were on his a moment later.

You weren't a bad kisser.

In fact, most would probably consider you a very good one.

Your lips moulded against his almost perfectly and the way you occasionally tugged on his bottom lip would have probably arose others.

You knew how to use your hands too, and carded your fingers through his hair in a calming manner that would have Kiyotaka melting in your grasp if he actually liked you.

But he didn't. And he wasn't one to lust either. Which was why your perfect kisses were nothing but a nuisance to him.

As you pulled away for air and trailed soft kisses down his neck it was clear you couldn't catch on to his true feelings. After all, if you were smart enough to read people Kiyotaka would have never picked you over the other Class A girls.

He felt almost robotic as Kiyotaka dropped one of his hands to circle your waist, the other shifting from your neck to cheek as he planted a kiss of his own on your lips.

It was chaste and lacked the arousal staining your every touch, but the gesture was enough to make a stupid smile tug on your lips.

You were buying his lies. Perfect.

"Don't you have a study session to get to?"

Your eyes comically widened at his question. The sight made Kiyotaka let out a small scoff as he watched you reach for your phone and mutter soft curses when you noticed time.

"Shit you're right. Bye hun."

You shifted to drop one last peck on his cheek before collecting your things and hurriedly racing out of his bedroom.

A soft sigh tumbled from his lips as Kiyotaka watched the door slip shut behind you.

He was free. Finally.

Kiyotaka's slight smile shifted to display his real annoyance as he turned towards the discarded laptop.

If he knew pretending to be romantically invested with you would be this tiring Kiyotaka would have opted for other methods to draw information from you.

But alas, there were only so many ways to best Class A, and none of them could be accomplished without insider intel.

He needed you. The realisation drew yet another sigh from him.

"Only a few weeks."

Kiyotaka clicked his tongue as he muttered the words, watching his laptop hum to life to display the recording app he had set up in your phone.

If circumstances hadn't forced him to be apathetic, perhaps Kiyotaka could come to actually love you. But for now you were nothing but a pawn dressed up in his queen's garbs.

And Kiyotaka couldn't wait to get rid of you.

[teaboot]

Hi! (just a personal ask. Sorry if it's not okay to ask for advice out of nowhere but I wanted to see an outer perspective and didn't wanna ask my friends. No pressure to answer of course but I would love to hear your thoughts!)

Is it normal for me to feel overwhelmed about something I want? I am just starting med school and it's a lot but I am fighting. And in my culture, parents buy their daughters their like things?? (like towels and bed sheets and a fridge. Anything they can buy except the apartment basically) for marriage from a young age. But my mom just started recently. And when she first bought me something. The idea of getting married & being a doctor (both things I want) felt like too much I teared up. My mom said I was being spoilers I guess?? Like I was ruining a good moment? Of course it is not that serious since I wasn't outright crying, and I just laughed afterwards as I felt silly lol ,but It got me thinking if I was being that dramatic.

This honestly felt like the moment in the movie where the mom hugs her daughter and says something like "oh how much you've grown" . Her retort felt like it was out of the script.

If you find time to answer, please be extremely blunt. Because I know for a fact I have a tendency to exaggerate things.

You are not overreacting. You are not exagerrating things. And I'm going to tell you this, because I experience this, the tendency to downplay your own feelings and recollections of events very often comes from having other people do it to you first. People tell you your feelings are wrong, or stupid, or irrational, and you learn to listen to them instead of yourself.

It makes complete sense that coming up on a major cultural milestone would make you feel excited, or scared, or overwhelmed. It sounds like you came upon the first step of a very big change and the reality of it all hit you at once, which sounds completely normal and expected!

Fuck, *I* used to get that about moving houses, and YOU'RE expecting shit like marriage? Holy fuck! I'd be a complete mess! The fact that you're level-headed enough to ask questions and process your feelings and talk things through is impressive, because I think I'd be losing my mind.

Personal story, but when I turned 17, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate. When I told her that it sounded nice, but I'd rather have dinner at home with the family, she told me I was a selfish narcissist, and that I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't consider that other people might have been excited to go out.

At the time, I thought she'd been harsh but ultimately correct.

Now, I see that she had decided what kind of perfect evening she had wanted, and had expected me to play the part in the movie she had written herself. It had never been about what I wanted at all- it had been about her personal desires and expectations.

And it's normal to feel frustrated about things that don't go the way we want or expect, but lashing out at others is not an appropriate way to handle those emotions.

The way we feel cannot be controlled like a machine. The way we feel is usually not a problem. The problem is what we do, and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Children throw tantrums and sat mean things because they haven't learned better yet. They don't have the practice or experience. Adults like your mother and mine should have that on lock, but often don't, especially if culture or tradition or social expectations tell them their actions are justified.

If I had to take take guess, I'd say it sounds like your mom gave you this gift with an idea in mind of how she wanted you to react. She probably wanted you to be grateful and praising and sweet, so she could fulfill the role she envisioned for herself, and when you deviated from that picture, she was disappointed. From that perspective, it would seem that she felt slighted, and that she was owed your gratitude, and you were at fault for withholding it.

This perspective makes sense, in an emotionally immature sort of way, but would completely overlook your feelings, which are just as important.

Your exact situation is not one I've been in before, but if I'm correct in my assumptions (which I may not be) then I'd suggest keeping an eye out for other instances of your perspective and feelings being minimized.

Are you often told you are behaving irrationally? That you're over-emotional? That you're self-centered or greedy or entitled? Are you told that you don't remember things or do things as you're told? That you see problems where there aren't any? That you male trouble where there is none? That certain conversations aren't worth having, or that "you're always like this"?

It sounds like you know that something is off. I'd encourage you to keep asking questions and follow your instincts. At the end of the day, your life is your own, no matter where it came from.

[cosmerelists]

If Stormlight Characters Read The Stormlight Archive

As requested by @imtheseventh :)

Let's say Stormlight Characters got their hands on The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson--you know, the book written about all of their lives. What would they think of Sanderson's depiction of them?

[SPOILERS FOR STORMLIGHT ARCHIVE THROUGH RHYTHM OF WAR!]

1. Navani

Navani: Say, Dalinar... Navani: Why is Evi's name replaced by Shshsh in all of your POV chapters? Dalinar: ... Dalinar: Ah, so here's the thing...

2. Adolin

Adolin: Shallan, wait! Adolin: This is feeling like a flashback chapter about your life. Adolin: Don't read it to me. It feels weird to find out this way. Adolin: I'd rather wait until you're ready to tell me. Shallan: Ah, so you want to stop listening whenever my past comes up? Shallan: That's exactly what I used to do! High five! Adolin: I don't Adolin: I don't know that this is a high-five moment.

3. Shallan

Shallan: L-Listen, Jasnah... Shallan: I SWEAR I was neither thinking about nor looking at your boobs quite as much as the book makes it sound.. Shallan: I think this Sanderson guy was just projecting! Jasnah: I believe you, Shallan. Shallan: Y-You do? Jasnah: I have to assume he wanted to establish my beauty but felt that it would be less salacious to have it filtered through another woman's perspective. Shallan: Y-Yeah, that makes sense... Jasnah: After all, if you loved my boobs that much, I don't know why you sat there and doodled Captain Kaladin instead of them... Shallan: WHELP TIME TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT

4. Syl

Syl: ... Kaladin: Hey, are you okay? You seem...down. Kaladin: And are you wearing trousers?? Syl: Was...was there something wrong in how I dressed? Kaladin: No? What do you mean? Syl: Like, was it immature? Kaladin: No? Syl: Then why does this Brandon guy call my dress "girlish" like 19 billion times?!? Hoid: Oh, don't worry about that! Writers get weirdly fixated on words! At least you weren't always doing things maladroitly, ha! Syl: ...What? Hoid: Whoops wrong series!

5. Gaz

Gaz: Look...I know I wasn't the Almighty's most perfect guy, but.. Gaz: Could he maybe have written me as slightly LESS of the embodiment of a sniveling cremling?? Gaz: Like, give a guy a break! Vathah: What, too much realism for a fantasy? Gaz: You shut up!

6. Sadeas

Sadeas: I was so upset...so flabbergasted...when Dalinar outmaneuvered me in that disadvantaged duel... Sadeas: But it was all just LUCK?! Sadeas: He didn't maneuver for SHIT! Sadeas: He just happened to have EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH SUPERPOWERS on his side and they were ALL stupid enough to get INVOLVED Sadeas: It's so much worse now!!! Ialai: At least their dark-eyed captain ruined it at the end. Sadeas: Ugh, yeah, thank the stars for THAT.

7. Kaladin

Kaladin: I actually hate this. Lyn: Why? Kaladin: Hearing about all my friends dying...again...having my actions framed as some type of "heroism"... Kaladin: T-That guy writes me like I'm the hero! Lyn: ...I am fairly certain that you are. Kaladin: Ughhhh...

8. Lirin & Hesina

The Way of Kings sits before them Hesina: ... Lirin: ... Hesina: ... Lirin: ... Hesina: Do you want to go & cry forever over our boys? Lirin: Yes please.

9. Moash

Moash: Wow. Moash: After hearing all about King Elhokar from the perspective of the people who actually like him... Moash: I gotta say... Moash: I was totally right! Moash: That guy is SUCH an asshole!

10. Dalinar

Dalinar: ... Dalinar: ... Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I just can't believe that he STOLE Nohadon’s TITLE.

11. (!) Bonus Vin

Vin: KELSIER WHAT THE HELL

[fruitgummies01]

New Here!

As a new fan of BTS and as someone who is curious/intrigued by the dynamic between jikook, I would genuinely love to know how the fans got to the place where it is now with the ships within the fandom. It's so toxic everywhere, and I'm a little shocked to be honest. I thought Are You Sure would be a cute show that the fandom would be excited to watch, but a lot of fans ignored it when the first two episodes were released (which in hindsight was probably for the best). And since the last episode dropped, there's been nothing but fighting.

For context I became a BTS fan in 2023 and so I don't really know all the history of every interaction prior (I'm still learning). I love every member and root for their success both individually and together as a team. As someone who is just learning about everything (I've been obsessively consuming all BTS content), and when it comes to Jimin and Jungkook's connection, I've seen some of the discourse about them online. To be fair I didn't really have an opinion one way or the other, since again I'm pretty new here, I'm trying to take content at face value. But after the first two episodes of Are You Sure, it feels obvious to me that there is an intimacy there between them. Even in episode three, JK can be seen rubbing Jimin's thigh when they are at the table, something that just looked automatic and natural for him to do. From all their earlier conversations in the first two episodes, to taking care of each other since they were both sick, to the concern, to Jungkook's "you're here. finally". Even though they were filming, it all just felt really real and honest. Plus Jungkook saying he wanted the show to go on for years even after they get out of the military, said more to me than anything else. Jungkook values spending time with Jimin and is already looking towards the future, just the two of them.

As for Taekook, it definitely seems to be the more widely accepted ship (I see so many accounts with hundreds of thousands of likes and followers on so many platforms). Plus there are so many taekook comments under pretty much any content related to BTS, even under content from people who are just reacting to BTS content on youtube or patreon. For all intents and purposes Jungkook and Tae seem to have a beautiful friendship, but I just don't see how people romantically ship them (no offense lol). And it's not because I don't see a connection between them, but because I just don't see how it would make much sense, and I'd want so much more for them from a partner lol. Like what would it say about their relationship if Tae was learning about JK traveling with someone else through a schedule on their BTS group chat, or having to basically invite himself, or how the last group live where JK seemed hyper-focused on Jimin (even though he was already planning to enlist with him), or JK watching hours of Jimin specific content on lives, or planning a travel variety show with someone who you were already planning to enlist/spend every day with, or being all over someone else in bed and repeatedly rubbing their legs (bandmate or not). Like no shade, but I feel like romantically shipping Tae and JK is lowkey insulting to them as people, because they both deserve to a be priority to whoever they are in a relationship with. Also a little confused how fans seem to ignore Tae having been in a relationship with Jennie??

All my confusion aside, I am just really looking forward to watching the rest of Are You Sure, and discovering more about them and their dynamic. I love that Tae joined, even if it clearly shifted the dynamic from the first two episodes, and hopefully all the negativity suddenly surrounding the show won't ruin my excitement and love for it.

[fazedlight]

What's Wrong with 5B?

(aka: how It’s a Super Life ruined everything)

The premiere of season 5 was simple. Kara fucked up, felt deeply sorry for it, and revealed her secret to Lena (driven solely by her guilt) after far too long of gaslighting her. Unfortunately, it was a bit too late, Lena was already (rightfully) pissed and about to exact a(n outsized) revenge about it. Easy peasy.

We see Kara struggle with it a little. She gives Lena the superwatch, looking super guilty the whole time. She brings Lena international treats, talks to Alex about how she’s nervous about interacting with Lena. But she seems to have underestimated the damage she’s caused - and Lena is going through a major disillusionment. 

Both of which are mostly in character from my perspective. But with the caveat that, I knew the basic summary of the Rift before I watched the show. So those were moments the characters were already building to in my head. (I know some people think that Kara’s reaction in season 3 was out of character, or that Lena’s reaction in 5A was out of character, and those are valid opinions that are worth exploring! If I watched the show unfold live, maybe I’d be in that camp too.)

We then see Lena’s betrayal and Kara scrambling to pull Lena back from the edge into an anti-villain arc. The Crisis happens, Kara visits Lena, and Lena calls Kara out - “What did you think would happen when you came here? That you'd tell me everything in a fit of selflessness, even if it meant that I knew how you betrayed me, and then I'd just keel over and forgive you?” Kara still knows she did something wrong, and vows to never do it again.

Aaaaand then It’s A Super Life (beloved/beloathed) happens.

I really liked the episode the first time I saw it. I was a supercorp shipper who hadn’t read a single fic. And on its face, I mean, they dedicated the entire 100th episode to the relationship between Kara and Lena and trying to repair it. It failed, sure, but they'd make up eventually (again, I was spoiled).

But that episode was really about absolving Kara. It was a bizarre conclusion. Kara no longer had fault, because any reality they tried out would’ve failed. … which makes no damn sense. Even if no reality could work (I’m skeptical), Kara didn’t know that at the time she made her decisions. She still has fault for the harm she knew she was causing (even if it happened to work out better than the alternatives she didn’t know about).

I think this is a narrative shift. This isn’t just about the in-universe “Kara believes she’s absolved”. This is a writer's ploy to change the narrative and make the audience think that Kara didn’t have fault. Writing this as a character flaw might’ve worked, maybe, if they had Kara reexamine her assumptions later. But as a narrative? … the shift fell completely flat.

The rift was canceled at this point. Suddenly it was no longer the story of two people’s flaws interplaying in the worst possible way. Suddenly it was: Kara is right, Lena is wrong, let us never speak of it again.

It makes everything that comes after really grating. The end of 5x19 (where Kara goes “maybe I’m ready to forgive you now” and shakes Lena’s hand) feels completely empty, because there’s no acknowledgement from Kara that she fucked up - a fact she fully understood at the beginning and middle of the season! It bleeds into season 6, where we never see Lena hash things out with the superfriends or with Kara post-return. It makes the finale (Lena’s “You made me a better person”) fall flat. At this point multiple people in the fandom have pointed out that it’s Melissa’s acting that is Kara’s saving grace (though even that has limitations, as many of us felt with Sadie). But Kara as a character really suffers - and with it, her relationship with Lena, and Lena's arc - because the writers did not make a convincing argument for their shift. 

The hero’s always right, I guess? The main character can’t have major flaws? (I hope someday we learned what instructions they were getting in the writing room 😂)

For my own sanity, I have a whole slew of conversations(/arguments) in my head that I place into season 6 to fix some of this (as well as making Mxy a liar who was trying to make his friend feel better, rather than those other timelines being real). But while they’re canon-compliant… they aren’t canon. What we needed was something on screen to make the relationship shine again, to have Kara revisit why her rationale absolving her in the 100th episode didn’t follow at all, and have Lena work through her issues with Kara and the rest of the superfriends. But we didn’t get that.

Which means everything post-100th will always feel wrong to me.

[mikachacha]

𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙶𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜 (𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛! 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: Bada has a reputation for sleeping with her students that she likes. So when she asked you to stay back after class, you knew what that meant and you wouldn't say no to her offer.

Warnings: smut, totally nsfw, riding, choking, a bit of hair pulling. MDNI. R18+ only

(A/N: so this is from a req from my good friend @jhopes-whoopee-cushion who's unfortunately on leave or idk if they've got another account but yeah, this request is from last year 😅)

╔═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╗

One of the Girls

╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝

✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛

"I heard she slept with Nika a week ago.."

"Really? I also heard she slept with Hana.."

Hushed whispers from students gossiping inside the studio greeted you as you entered. It's your first day being in this class and you're already hearing wild gossips about the instructor. Now, you haven't personally met your instructor, Bada Lee but if the rumors are true, she might be really good looking or good at what she does basing from the things you're hearing.

"I'd gladly have her ruin me.. She's so hot!" you heard a girl squeal out and some laughed. Since you didn't know anyone, you mostly kept to yourself until the instructor walked in. You looked at her, she's tall, she exudes both masculine and feminine energy at the same time that seems to drive most people wild. Well you could definitely see why so many people are going crazy over her. She's absolutely gorgeous and that gorgeous being just looked at you, gave you a smile and even winked at you. You could pass away happy right there and then if you were being honest.

"Good morning everyone! I see that everyone's here, especially our Y/N, the latest addition to our little group here. Why don't you stand up, Y/N and show us some moves?" Bada's voice rang through the spacious studio and you got up from where you were seated, bowing to everyone and saying thanks to the others who wished you luck.

Of course you didn't come unprepared so you asked Bada for a bit of help so you can connect your phone to the speakers to which she gladly helped. She's also curious about you. You looked quite confident as you stood there in front of everyone, ready to perform. To say that Bada was only mildly impressed is a huge lie. As soon as you began dancing Water, she knew she wanted you. She would stop at nothing to get a taste of you even just for a night. The way you moved hypnotized her, just watching you dance made a fire inside her burn.

After you were finished, the room erupted with cheers and applause and you were glad, smiling and thanking them. When Bada personally praised you, you couldn't help yourself but blush though you knew that you'll just end up like one of her girls. The others could also sense it and they kind of felt bad for you considering you're just a newbie and Bada has already set her eyes on you. On the other hand, they're also a bit jealous since they've been trying hard to get Bada's attention for so long but a newbie took her attention instead.

It went on for weeks, Bada blatantly flirting with you when she's not teaching. Of course, she still needs to keep it a bit professional but she just couldn't resist you. She thought you were easy but she didn't expect you to give her a run for her money when you played this little cat and mouse game with her. You'd lead her on and shoot her down, you'd give her hope that she might get a taste of you but then tell her you're just playing. If she's gonna make you like one of the girls she slept with, might as well play with her was your mindset the whole time. Of course you wouldn't deny the one and only Bada Lee if she wants to get a taste but only if you want.

"You're quite good at keeping me coming, Y/N.. So alluring, and so playful.." Bada whispers as it was only you and her left at the studio. Everyone has left already after the class considering that it's Friday and a very nice night to go and have a drink with friends. You would've done the same but you had other plans.

You turned to Bada, a sly smirk on your lips as you played with her hair. You're shorter than her though some would comment that you got her so wrapped around your finger and that you're the boss now. You wanted to test out that theory tonight.

"Oh? But I was barely doing anything.." you looked up at her, feigning innocence but both of you know that you're far from being one.

"You know my reputation, don't you? I'm curious as to why you're playing this game with me, Y/N.." Bada had pinned you against the wall, her lips just hovering above yours and waiting for you to tell her to stop and say that you're just messing with her but you didn't. You had a mischievous glint in your eyes and even initiated a kiss with her that stunned her a bit.

It was slow, sweet yet it also mixed the lust and desire that you have for each other. Today, you have decided to finally give in and be one of Bada's girls even just for a night. You don't care if she pursues someone else right after. You just want to have a taste and the feel of Bada fucking you like how she fucked those other girls before you.

"I'm completely aware and Bada, I could hardly give a shit if I'm just a game to you. Someone you could toy with until you get what you want and discard right after. I don't give a fuck about all those things. What I care about right now is you, fucking me and making me one of your girls.." your bold statement shocked Bada but she'd be a fool to deny you. You're literally telling her that you want her the same way she wants you.

"Yeah? You want to be fucked, Y/N? So pretty yet so filthy.." Bada chuckles and pulled on your hair, tilting your head back so she can have easier access to your neck. She placed kisses there before giving you a small nip which stung a bit but also turned you on so much. You couldn't wait to feel more.

It didn't take long for Bada to take you home. Both of you couldn't keep your hands to yourselves as the anticipation is becoming too much. You just wanted her to take you right there and then in the living room but Bada managed to usher you inside her bedroom, where the real fun started.

Her kisses felt like tiny bolts of electricity coursing through you while her long fingers pumped in and out of you, playing and preparing you for what's about to come. Her mouth trailed south, kissing and suckling on your breasts that got you gasping for air and arching your back for more. It was so good. It felt too good to stop and you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to your orgasm. Just as you were about to reach your peak, Bada stopped and pulled her fingers out, placing them in your mouth and letting you have a taste of your own juices.

When she was done lapping up each and every drop, she lets you recover and grab the strap on from her drawer. You looked at the size of it, it was fairly big and when Bada asked you to ride her, you could've sworn you got wetter. You climbed on Bada's lap, straddling her while she slowly guided you down to the strap on waiting below. It went in smoothly as Bada did add enough lube so you wouldn't hurt yourself and you appreciate the care she's put into this intimate moment.

"Look at you, pretty girl.. So good taking it all down like a champ.." Bada praises that got you blushing madly as you started to bounce up and down, riding her with the best that you can. It was pretty hard keeping your rhythm as the pleasure began to take over your senses as every time you came down, the tip would hit all the right places that makes you see stars and your knees to quiver.

"Fuck.. Bada.. Feels so good!" you moaned out as she held you by the waist and began to control your speed. And the way she would thrust her hips to meet yours just made your moans louder and more pleasure build up until you couldn't hold in your orgasm much longer. You came while Bada continued to fuck into you, prolonging your pleasure.

"That's right, baby.. Moan for me.. You're so pretty when you moan my name as you cum. Makes me want to do it more and more.." Bada says as she lightly choked you while you continued to bounce up and down. You couldn't form a coherent thought or could even remember when Bada has flipped you on to your hands and knees and began fucking you from behind. Every thrust made you see stars, your knees are weak from all the sensation you're feeling but Bada's holding you by the waist. The position made her go even deeper and reach places that you never knew felt good and Bada's making sure to let you know that only she touched those areas and basically ruining you for other men and women alike.

"Bada! Bada.. Fuck.. I'm gonna cum!" you moaned out, your knuckles going white from how hard you were gripping the sheets beneath you and Bada only responded by pulling on your hair, forcing you to rise until your back was against her chest. She placed kisses along your neck and even placed some bites along the way. You could hardly care especially when your third orgasm rolled it. It was the third and strongest one of all three that it knocked the air out of your lungs and you could swear that you passed out for a few seconds from how good that was.

Bada lets you calm down and regain your breath before she pulls out and sets you down gently. She leaned against the headboard of her bed, playing with herself as she watches how fucked you currently looked. It was a proud moment for her seeing you looking to dazed, seeing those marks she made on you and how your legs quivered from all the orgasm she gave you.

Seeing that she was playing with herself, you crawled between her legs and began to help her reach her own orgasm. You suckled on her breasts while your thumb fiddled with her clit. You matched the pace of her fingers and soon, Bada was reaching her own climax. She flashes you a smile before pulling you in for a sweet kiss, a complete opposite of her kisses from earlier.

"You're so great, Y/N.. I hope this isn't just a one time thing for us." Bada says as you were snuggled against each other. You turned to her, kissing her cheek.

"From how many times you've made me cum, I sure hope this isn't a one time thing. You fucked my brains out and I would love to experience that again.." You said and Bada could only chuckle, nodding her head. You may be one of her girls now but you sure are her favorite among them.

[yukirayu]

Madarame's Route and the Few of Its Many Mistranslations

I haven't done this in quite some time, but I'll be giving some more TL comparisons between the original JP release and the localization, because an anon from Retrospring shared some tidbits from Madarame's route.

Because they have also explained what nuance got lost, briefly or otherwise, I won't do what I did in my previous posts (compare with MTL) just basically compile each translation discrepancy in a subsequent order, and add their notes in each one.

 Toono: "...Thought he'd never die." 「……しぶとい野郎だ」-> ["......Stubborn bastard."] NOTE: I sense someone is probably holding on to some unresolved resentment, LOL

Towa: "You were always like this. Are you satisfied now that you've ruined my life?" 「あんたは昔からそうだ。引っ掻き回して満足か？」　-> ["You have always been like this. Are you satisfied with the violent chaos you caused?"] NOTE: 引っ掻き回して appears to be an idiom meaning to "disrupt order through violence."

Madarame: "To hang out with friends." 「うろついてる連中と遊ぶんだよ」​ -> ["I'm going to play around with the people hanging around."] NOTE: Madarame has nobody he'd call a friend so the English line seems so out of place that it was easy to notice.

Madarame: "We had a lot more fights after that. Sometimes we came close to killing each other for real. But he still didn't back down." 「それからも喧嘩して、半殺しにしてやった時もあった。だが、アイツはそれでも向かってきた」 -> ["We'd fight from then on, and there was a time I beaten him half to death. However he'd still come at me."] NOTE: Well, someone was envious of Madarame's absolute power. LMAO

Madarame: "Stoop to an idiot's level and he'll beat you with experience, you know. Then after that..." 「馬鹿の相手をしても時間の無駄だからな。そうしたら……」 -> ["Because it's a waste of time to deal with idiots. Afterwards......"] NOTE: The English line is some dumb phrase I've seen on the internet. I get the feeling that the phrase was used against the person who put it there. XD

Towa: "...If I was a chick, I'd have ditched you by now." 「……俺が女なら腰が砕けてるところだ」 -> ["If I was a woman then my knees would have given way.] NOTE 1: 腰が砕けてる seems to be an idiom, it could mean like what it literally says, or to collapse/give up/lose one's nerve/to have one's knee's give way. NOTE 2: Wouldn't be surprised if the people who changed it hated Madarame (that's the impression I get), I just find that hilarious that they'd probably be seething and crying over a fictional character. Madarame ain't real, but he is already giving real people slow damage. LMAO.

I have to say though, it's rather obvious that while the one behind the localization seemed to dislike almost everyone with how their dialogues got butchered, Madarame's route really takes the cake, or whatever is the most unpleasant dish you can think of, in this case.

A JP-fluent of mine also mentioned how Madarame's route got the worst of the questionable translation choices, saying that Madarame's speech doesn't really have him cuss or talk that crassly. And it didn't surprise me that the H-scenes were done poorly, almost deliberately, even.

Now, this was what I replied to that very last statement OP had made, which I felt I should also share here... Even with a proper translation, I can easily see Madarame being divisive among fans either way.

He's meant to be something of an antagonist (not a villain) and while there's an intended goal in his route, said route still isn't exactly the easiest to swallow. Even so, a translator letting their bias affect their translation is already one giant misstep.

[notmorbid]

the berry pickers.

dialogue prompts from the berry pickers by amanda peters.

dying is something we have to do alone.

i want to be my full self for you.

whatever makes you happy makes me happy, too.

i'm not sure what's true and what's not anymore.

you never know when you might need kindness from people.

you see anything strange around here?

age brings all sorts of fears.

i think i've always known something was out of place.

you'll grow out of it. you'll forget.

sometimes i wonder if you have any sense at all.

don't worry. they can't hear us.

your only job right now is to be a kid.

when no one's looking, you can be a sweetheart.

it's funny how old you think your parents are, when you're a child.

stop trying to grow up so fast.

there are things more important in this world than taking credit.

there was love, but none of us knew what to do with it.

don't pretend you didn't hear me.

i will try my damnedest not to be sad.

it's hard, looking for someone who can't be found.

you never know what your last words to someone are gonna be.

words are powerful and funny things, said or unsaid.

some people are meant to read great works, and others are meant to write them.

you do love me, after all.

you're jealous. i need you to admit it.

i did what i thought was best: i left.

you seem taller, somehow.

hope is such a wonderful thing, until it isn't.

i never blamed you.

it's not your fault. it just happens, sometimes.

i guess i assumed i'd just wake up one day and everything would be normal again.

i've done my grieving. i can't do it anymore.

some wounds never close, never scar.

i just want to get away. you choose where.

make sure you write everything down, the good and the bad. but mostly the good.

what ghosts haunt your dreams?

are you going home, or leaving home?

sometimes i forget that you're hurting, too.

swearing can make you feel better.

anything you want to tell me?

there's something to be said for salt air.

i love you. i'm sorry i've been so far away.

i've never felt worse. i need you to know that.

i assume the universe knows what it's doing.

getting better isn't easy.

i was convinced the pain would haunt me for the rest of my life.

i was determined to let my pain and anger ruin me.

you like to find fault with everyone but your own self.

you have no right to hold onto that guilt all by yourself.

i'm sick of tiptoeing around you like you're going to break.

don't be sorry. be useful.

i've never been much of a talker.

it's not fair to be young and weak. there's no fairness to it at all.

prejudice runs deep and offers no apologies, in small towns.

you can't stay mad at me.

i didn't sleep because i was worried about you, asshole.

maybe i'm just one of those people who are only happy when they aren't.

it's not that i don't remember. it's that i don't want to.

why do you always assume you're on your own?

i remember. i didn't think you did.

people are always saying nice things about the dead, especially when their family is in the room.

sometimes a lie becomes so entrenched, it becomes the truth.

you never deserved anything i did to you.

the only person i have a right to be angry with is myself.

it wasn't because i didn't love you.

you know of any work i could get around here?

i wonder, sometimes, what i did to deserve it.

you got a story?

you seem too young to have a story of any interest.

something is making you all dark and moody.

what are you doing out here? there's a storm coming.

i don't go giving my name out to every stranger i meet.

people seem to need to get away from me.

own your mistakes. make amends and move on.

you feel things too quick and too heavy. you need to let things go, sometimes.

i'm here. it was just a dream.

i kind of hoped i would die before i had to tell you this.

i wanted to hate you, but i couldn't.

anger and sadness are just two different sides of the same coin.

time is never a friend to the sick or the old.

i don't like to see people i might know.

how are you still alive?

the lord must keep me around to amuse himself.

where is home, for you?

what's at home that's got you afraid to be there?

the only misery you're causing is your own.

i'll be honest, because i don't know how else to be.

don't worry. i'll remember for you.

i ruined myself all by myself.

i prayed you would come home to us.

what on earth have you got to be sorry for?

tell me about ___. if it's okay.

lost souls have to find their own way home.

i don't think i've ever laughed that hard in my life.

[mustainegf]

SUMMARY: Kirk becomes obsessed in the dark allure of a certain groupie who is only interested in his fame. Despite his awareness that she's a perilous presence in his life, Kirk finds himself helplessly consumed by her magnetic and sinister charm. You can actually feel just how sorry he is, that he met Dirty Diana, because she's ruining his life. But she's like a drug and he can't escape, nor quit her.

READ FIRST: this story is obviously based off the song “Dirty Diana” by Michael Jackson. The song is about groupies sooo. I would suggest you listen to it while reading. I left dirty Diana nameless cause I know you guys like insert stuff!!

WARNINGS: smut, unprotected sex, oral female receiving, degradation, praise, public sex

I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was gorgeous.

Dangerous. Viscous. I was obsessed.

Sure she was a groupie, but there was something about her that was just so alluring, so tempting.

She was everything I wasn't supposed to have. And yet I had to have her. She was young, maybe 23, but the way she looked at me made me think she was much older, maybe even more experienced than me.

She knew what she wanted. I could see it in her eyes, every time we locked gazes. She looked at me like she knew me, like we had been together before. It was maddening and exhilarating all at once.

She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and no one could convince me otherwise.

I knew groupies well enough by now, they were attracted to your fame, your money, your status. I knew that all she was interested in, but that didn't cease my desire.

In fact, it made me want her more. So much more.

I needed her to prove to myself that she wasn't like the others, that she wasn't going to use me. If she was, then I wouldn't care.

I'd make her mine, even just for a night.

I Leaned against the bar top. Her face drifted through the crowd, various hues flashing over her face. I’d been watching her like this for an hour now.

She seemed harmless as she talked to those around her, laughed with them, drank with them. But she teased me with her gaze every once in a while. She watched me. I watched her.

Her gaze out of greed, mine of lust.

Her toxicity was addictive.

Her beauty lethal.

She was my poison, and I wanted to consume her.

Suddenly, she was no longer among the sea of people surrounding me. I scanned the area, searching for her. As if she sensed my search, a warm hand grazed my shoulder.

My breath caught in my throat. "Hey there, rockstar," she purred into my ear. I turned, meeting her gaze.

She looked poisonous, I begged that she'd inject me with her venom. Claim me as her own.

"Something on your mind Hammett? You've been staring," she jutted her lip out, pouting flirtatiously.

I swallowed thickly, trying to come up with the right words to say to her. "You put on a good show," I remarked, flicking my brows and taking a sip from my drink.

"Speak for yourself,"

she grinned, brushing her fingertips over my cheek before taking a seat next to me.

She set her glass down, peering back over at me.

"You've been following us around quite a bit, what's your deal, sweetheart?" I flirted back. As best I could anyways.

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "My deal?" she asked with a sultry laugh. "You put on a good show." She quoted me from earlier. She was good at this.

I wondered if this was how she lured men in. This whole groupie thing wasn't as innocent as some thought. The more she spoke to me, the more my mind grew fuzzy.

She was getting to me. And damn it, she knew it. I tried my hardest not to let her affect me. To keep my head straight. But she was too beautiful. Too dangerous. How could anyone resist?

She seemed to read my thoughts as she smiled knowingly, taking another gulp from her glass.

"Maybe you can put on a good show for me?" she suggested suggestively. The idea had my cock twitching.

I was so hard, I felt like I would burst if she kept talking like that. I adjusted my jeans quickly.

"Someone's eager," I smirked at her.

The club bustled in the background, yet somehow the only thing I could hear was the echo of her voice.

"Who says I'm interested in anything you could offer?" she challenged me. A sly smile appeared on my lips. "What makes you think I'm offering?" I countered.

She stared at me intently, letting her stare linger for a long moment before she took a swig of her alcohol. "You're love-sick," she said after swallowing, patting my cheek. My cheeks went hot at the contact.

"Get better soon, lover boy." She snickered, walking off with an extra sway to her hips.

I wanted nothing more than to call her back, pull her into the shadows, and have my way with her. I needed her. No, I craved her. Like a drug.

I bolted up from my seat while I still had eyes on her, quickly following the dangerous woman.

My senses were full of lust, desire, and insatiable need for her.

All I could think about was stripping her bare, claiming her body, tasting her mouth. It was all I ever wanted. I couldn't get her out of my head. All I wanted was her.

I eventually made my way close enough to tug at her arm, dragging her back the opposite direction.

Did I want to hook up in the club bathroom? No, not exactly. But it was either that, or to keep watching her. My need was spilling over.

I wanted to feel her skin. Taste her lips. Feel her hands on me. "Change your mind lover boy?" she giggled, but didn't fight me.

In fact, she seemed pleased with herself. I wasn't going to think twice about this. There was something different about her. Something dangerous. She was bad news, but the way she was looking at me...

"Call me that again and you won't be getting what you want." I snarled, my sharp gaze stabbing at her own, fighting for dominance.

I pulled her through crowds of people, people I couldn't care less for right now. Eventually, we were just outside the bathroom doors.

I shoved it open, bringing her down the tiny hall before we were finally alone. Nobody else was in here. Thank god. Even if it was packed, that still wouldn't stop me from fucking her.

I want to go too far.

Way too far. My need for her was overpowering, my heart racing.

She was the most intoxicating drug I had ever experienced. I turned to face her, pinning her to the wall. Her dark eyes were wide and dilated, showing me her interest. I needed to make this good.

My lips wasted no time in finding hers, working at her as I peeled her promiscuous shirt off of her figure.

I reached around, undoing her bra clasp with one hand, while my other roamed her lower half, popping the button of her shorts and sliding them down her hips.

She bit my lip in response, grinding against me.

God, I loved how much she liked me. She liked that I was in a metal band, and that was it. But that didn't matter right now. I used my thumbs to push her panties down until they pooled at her feet. She kicked them away, and then, I could feast on her.

I swiftly lifted her up, spinning her around to set her down on the sink counter.

I took a step back to admire her as she spread her legs for me. She was perfect. All I wanted was her.

The only way I knew how to handle this was to get my hands on her.

"Make some noise, don't want us getting caught," I instructed her, leaning my face in between her thighs.

She moaned. And I smiled. This would do nicely. I didn't hesitate, diving in for what I really wanted.

My tongue flicked against her clit, and she gasped, clutching onto the counter, moaning loudly.

I didn't even look up to see if anyone was coming. I didn't care. All I cared about was my taste buds dancing on her delicate flower. She gripped the counter tightly, whimpering louder than I expected.

I savored the taste of her, wanting to remember it later.

"Not so confident now are we?" I taunted, nipping at her slightly, earning a twitch.

"Come on, speak up, missy," I glared up at her.

I had my hands on her thighs, and I was working my tongue like a pro. "You have a voice, use it!" I growled.

"Fuck me like you mean it. She snapped back.

I pulled my face from in between her legs, watching her with a look that might as well have been lethal. "You'll take what I give you, groupie."

She had no idea who she was dealing with. I wasn't a man you toyed with. I stood from my crouched position, forcing her to straddle my hips while still sitting propped up on the counter.

I palmed myself, letting her feel just how hard she had made me. I grabbed her hips, flipping her around until she was facing the mirror behind her.

Her ass was on full display for me as she bent over the counter.

I couldn't help but grin. God, she was perfect.

Perfect. A little too perfect. I hurried to pull my jeans down, my boxers following. My dick finally sprang free of its confines, just begging, throbbing with the need to be inside her and her only. I wrapped my arms around her waist, not being gentle as I pushed my cock deep inside her.

"Kirk!" She cried out, her head flinging forward.

"That's right, say it," I grunted, still feeling her velvety walls coating every vein on my cock.

I toyed with her clit as I began thrusting into her, forcing obscene sounds from her lips.

"Say it," I ordered again, my hands tightening around her waist. She let out a harsh scream, making me groan.

I let go, pumping into her harder, deeper, more rough. I wanted to pound into her until she felt me in every bone of her body. She fell forward onto the counter, slamming against it.

Her back arched, her body trembling from my brutal fuck. "Yes, Kirk! Yes! More!" She cried, pushing back against me. I slammed my cock deep into her again. "There you go, there's the girl I knew out there," I snickered.

Her nails dug into my skin, leaving a mark. I knew where those nails went each time she was alone. I knew what they would feel like as they dragged over my sensitive flesh. I let out an angry growl.

Not yet. "Oh, god." Her words broke me. I lost all control, falling onto the counter behind her. I fucked her hard, fast, and unapologetically. Our skin slapped together. Sweat dripped off of both our bodies.

We were a mess. Every surface of this bathroom was a mess. Everything. But I didn't care. All I could focus on was her moaning, crying, and screaming my name. It was music to my ears.

"Are you gonna cum already? You really are a slut huh?" I teased, making sure to graze her g spot a little longer.

I loved feeling her come undone under my touch. I felt powerful. Like nothing else mattered. If only that were true.

"God, Kirk!" She gasped. "Yes. I'm going to cum!"

"Good. You better not hold back with me. I'm tired of your cheap little tricks. Do it. Now." She came undone under me, bucking and shuddering around me. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Her words cut through me. I didn't think it was possible, but I got even harder.

I pumped faster, harder, letting the power of her muscular walls send me spiraling. "Yessss!" She screamed, wrenching my heart out.

I was seconds away from release. "On your knees, now!" I hurried her, pulling out and stroking myself.

She immediately spun around, her knees hurting the floor as her mouth fell open.

I set the tip of my length on her tongue allowing myself to finally cum.

I erupted, spilling my seed down her throat.

"Swallow it, You fucking slut." I barked out. The words barely left my lips before she was complying. She swallowed everything I gave her, and then some.

"Good girl," I cooed, grinning down at the helpless girl. Her snarky facade had been lifted, at least for now.

"Such a good little thing," I shook my head with a scoff, watching her swallow the last of me.

I admired her smeared beauty. Her makeup just slightly smudged, her hair rustled from the sex.

And her eyes, evil. I knew what I was getting into doing this.

She licked my sensitive tip a few times before standing up to meet my gaze.

She looked like she could eat me alive, stalk, haunt, possess me.

I'd be her victim. It didn't matter.

[love-and-deepspace-fanfic]

Another delulu for our fishie! And this time of course will be for his newest steamy card “Omnipotent Perception”!

This will be the lighter version with different approach (suggested by LnD contest theme) but I hope to still be able to capture Rafayel’s complexity and profound feelings.

This personally is my favorite card (I know I know I had so many favs now huhu) but definitely on par with Private Trip and Floral Promise for me.

This journey of discovering Rafayel inner feelings has been quite a treat for me and I look forward to seeing more of these in the future.

Hands up to LnD dev team! Excellent job as always ❤️❤️❤️❤️

PS: I would also appreciate if you can check out the post on X as well!

Now is the time for our delulu!

Rafayel and I were enjoying our vacation on an island miles away from where the Lemurian ruins were discovered then fate found the better of us…

The Unspoken Feelings

"Today’s forecast: Sunny and breezy, perfect for picnics and outdoor sightseeing..."

The ding of a text message with a weather alert pulled me from my slumber. As I looked around the unfamiliar room, I realized I was on an island southeast of Linkon City, about miles from the discovered Lemurian ruins. Rafayel and I had come here for a summer vacation. A big yawn reminded me of how well-rested I felt thanks to him. Last weekend was hectic, but now I can relax and enjoy my vacation with Rafayel, with whom I want to spend the rest of my remaining time.

Even though this was my third day waking up to the colorful sunlight filtering through the blue-tinted windows of my room, as if I were submerged in the sea, I still couldn't stop marveling at this place.

An island surrounded by the sea, like a lone oasis in a desert. I'd heard rumors of mermaids living here, but only those who'd seen them could confirm the truth.

Not only the island itself but also the way someone had furnished this guesthouse intrigued me. It was very nautical, or rather, very Rafayel.

In my bedroom, beside the large blue-tinted windows, small sea-themed decorations were scattered on the shelves: seashells, pearls, coral, scented candles that smelled of the ocean, an hourglass, and a pot of bright red lilies.

If someone told me this was Rafayel's house, I wouldn't hesitate to believe them.

But when I asked if he had lived here for a long time because this kind of decor is usually found in places for people with long residences, he simply said that a friend had given him the house, so maybe that friend had decorated it in his style and left it there in case he needed it in the future.

I knew this was his usual way of avoiding an answer if he wanted to hide something. And it made sense. Why would Rafayel have a house on such a remote island, except for the local residents or curious people who wanted to explore the Lemurian ruins? If that were the case, it meant he had a past he hadn't told me about. I suddenly realized I might not know him as well as I thought.

When my phone buzzed a third time, I realized I'd been spacing out for quite a while. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I could immediately guess who had been texting me all morning. It was Rafayel who kept asking if I wanted a seafood breakfast, and really, only he would suggest something like that so early in the morning. Just as I was about to touch the screen to reply, I heard the door open, and the smell of the ocean mixed with his distinct scent and food filled the room. When Rafayel saw my dazed expression, still lying in bed, he chuckled and said,

'Cutie, it seems your sleep is about to turn into a fairy tale about a sleeping beauty.'

Without waiting for me to speak, he went straight to the round table by the corner of the wall, carrying the plate of food he had in his hand. The faint smell and vapors from the food also let me know that this was something he had just prepared. Before I could say anything, he went straight to the bathroom. The sound of running water echoed, and a moment later, a wet towel was draped over his arm along with a basin of water. His fluid movements left me stunned as I could only watch. Rafayel chuckled at my naive and silly expression. He sat down beside me and lifted my face to gently wipe it.

As he traced the lines of my face, Rafayel looked at me and teased, 'Haiz, I think I'm losing money on this deal. I hired you as my bodyguard, but it turns out I do more serving you than you do for me. I wonder if I can get a refund.'

I was silent, enjoying his gentle care, until I caught the distinctive salty smell of the sea.

'It's your honor to serve me, Mr. Rafayel. Now tell me why you got up so early this morning to go to the beach. You're not usually the type to wake up early, are you?'

'Silly girl, don't underestimate me! I need to exercise too, especially when I have the chance to come back here. Watching the sunrise and then immersing myself in the sea. The feeling of sinking into the water and forgetting all my troubles is the best way to de-stress.'

Rafayel flicked my forehead. 'If you're still feeling troubled by work, you should try it. I'll do my best to accompany you.'

I hit Rafayel, and he reflexively yelled. But before he could complain, I immediately pointed out a flaw in what he had just said.

'Rafayel, didn’t you always say you wanted to watch the sea or the sunset with me? So why didn’t you invite me this time? And by the way, what do you mean by getting de-stress?'

Rafayel sighed, looked at me, and stroked my hair from my temples to my face, then gently pinched my cheek.

‘You’re overthinking it, it’s just simply because I saw you sleeping so soundly, and I didn't want to wake you up, so while I was waiting for you to wake up, I had to do it by myself and for de-stressing, maybe from…not getting enough attention from you?’

Noticing a slight irregularity in Rafayel's voice, before he could finish, I quickly grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, then looked straight into his bright cerulean blue eyes covered in fiery red with a determined expression and said,

"I want to do that with you from now until the end. So next time, don't forget to take me with you, no matter what happens, okay?"

Rafayel was momentarily surprised, but then he smiled softly, leaned down close to my cheek, and placed a kiss on it, watching the blush spread from my cheeks to my ears.

When satisfied with his handiwork, Rafayel replied, "Okay."

After we finished eating, it was time to carry out the plan that Rafayel had already set up, and the reason I emphasized that this plan was personally arranged by Rafayel was that he was determined to let me relax without a care in the world. It was in executing this plan that I realized Rafayel was more familiar with this place than I'd thought.

And that surprised me because he usually would proactively tell me things I needed to know, but perhaps this land, along with the buried past here, was something he didn't want me to touch. Not only that, deep in his eyes, there was a nameless sadness, like a fleeting nostalgia that quickly passed like a fish's tail gliding quickly across the palm of my hand, leaving me no time to grasp. Maybe I didn't understand Rafayel as much as I thought. I thought I understood a large part of him, but the chain of events of the past few days had revealed to me that I still had a long way to go.

I tried to learn more about what he hadn't revealed, but whenever I wanted to mention a part of that past, he would just pass it over with a calm tone as if it were just one of those trivial matters that didn't need to be mentioned - from the villages he had been to, to the streets he had walked. Everything he told me was like a third-person narration, not from the direct perspective of someone who had experienced it. I also asked if he was really happy when talking about those past times, and fortunately, because I knew he was a truthful person, instead of glossing over it, his answer through silence was proof of what I had guessed.

And that made me want to know more and more about him. So when I looked at the schedule for the last day, packed with places to go, from the harbor to the art gallery to the night market, I suddenly felt that I didn't want him to keep reminiscing about the unhappy memories anymore. I wanted to see him in a place where, although there was still a hint of nostalgia, he wouldn't feel suffocated. And that place was the guest house where we were staying.

That meant there was a possibility that today, both he and I would do nothing but look at each other. When he heard my suggestion, Rafayel was quite surprised and observed me for a moment as if trying to find something different about me, until he sighed and agreed.

"If you want, cutie..." he took my hand and gently kissed it. "I don't mind spending the whole day with you without doing anything. Luckily for us, I just found a flyer stating that there will be a seaside market near the shore around the afternoon when the fishermen have finished fishing, and they will also hold a small festival to celebrate the summer, so there will be fireworks by the shore. What do you think? That's also like doing nothing in this place, right?"

Fireworks and a seaside market? That's a great idea! I'm sure Rafayel would love it!

So I agreed immediately without hesitation.

The detailed plan for today was simplified drastically to "sit idly at home until there is a seaside market and fireworks in the late afternoon."

**************************************************************************************

The sounds of fishermen and vendors mingled with the excited chatter of shoppers, signaling to Rafayel and me that it was time for the seaside market. Conveniently, the market was located right next to the guesthouse Rafayel had arranged.

Hand in hand, we wandered towards the tents set up for the festival. It was quite different from what I had expected. Instead of just selling seafood, there was a wide variety of other items characteristic of the region. From seashells to thatched hut decorations, necklaces and bracelets made of pearls and stones, created mysterious sea colors. To emphasize the summer atmosphere, a multitude of Hawaiian-style shirts were sold everywhere in the stalls. Before I could tear my eyes away from all the goods, Rafayel had placed a straw hat on my head, having bought it from a nearby stall without me noticing.

“You’ll need this when walking by the sea in the afternoon, or you’ll end up like a dried fish,” he said with a smile. Seeing him wearing a similar hat, I couldn’t resist taking a photo of this memorable moment.

“Then I have to save a picture of you before you turn into dried fish too!” I teased. Rafayel grabbed my phone. “If we share the fun, we have to share the misfortune!”

Our laughter somewhat eased my mind as I thought about the part of Rafayel I didn't know. I told myself perhaps now wasn’t the right time to delve deeper.

But fate had other plans.

As we took photos, a heated argument erupted at a nearby stall. A customer, with a fierce expression, was holding a pearl and was berating the young boy behind the counter. “A trivial pearl like this, and you dare to say it’s priceless and charge a sky-high price? Do you know the price of pearls is going down? If you don’t sell it cheap, no one will buy it!”

The boy, almost tearful, replied, “No...this pearl is truly priceless...very precious...I can't sell it to you like that…”

Just as the customer was about to get physical, Rafayel intervened, grabbing the customer's hand and examining the pearl.

“Hmm, a very fine, aged pearl. Truly priceless, not something you can buy with money. Unlike someone who didn’t even know its true worth and still dared to make himself a bargain.”

Rafayel glanced at the customer and with a force only the man could feel, he snatched the pearl, wiped it with his sleeve, and handed it back to the boy.

“You're right. This pearl is priceless, and priceless things shouldn't be sold carelessly.”

The boy stammered, “But...I need money to…”

“Alright,” Rafayel interrupted, “if you want to sell, I can buy it and give it back to you, and of course, I won’t do it for free. So the condition for returning it is that you let me meet the owner of this shop, is that okay?”

The boy looked from Rafayel to me and then to the angry customer. After a moment's hesitation, he nodded and said he would tell the owner.

When the owner met Rafayel, I felt indescribable, as if they were old acquaintances who hadn't seen each other in a very long time. As they went into the hut behind to talk, I grabbed the boy and asked about the stall owner.

The boy called the owner “Grandpa”. Grandpa was the one who had taken care of him as he once lived in an orphanage. The boy also said that “Grandpa” was very knowledgeable about the island, everything from tides to weather. He loved “Grandpa” very much, but “Grandpa’s” health had been declining lately as if he was sick even though Grandpa always told him there was nothing to worry about. With his small mind, he only knew that if “Grandpa” was ill, he would have to see a doctor, which would require a lot of money. But “Grandpa” rarely asked for help, especially from people wearing white coats, and Grandpa also forbade him from selling anything except for what Grandpa caught or made, and the money earned from those small items was very little. So while Grandpa was resting behind the stall, he had tried to sell the gift the man had given him: a pearl as bright as the moonlight shining on the sky when the tides ebb and flow. That's how we were able to encounter the scene today.

After putting everything together, I had a feeling of who the stall owner was. There may be some things I need to ask to clarify.

As I finished my conversation with the boy, Rafayel and the stall owner emerged. Before I could speak, Rafayel took my hand and said,

"Let's go, there are still many other stalls waiting."

He turned to the stall owner and said in a serious tone, "As the old saying goes, if you need anything, we're still here."

The stall owner laughed as if this was something he often heard. "I know, I know. If you keep saying that, you'll become an old man. But let me have a few words with this young lady."

Rafayel looked at me as if asking for permission, and I nodded without hesitation.

As I approached, the stall owner looked at me for a long time and sighed, "That boy, although he talks a lot and has quite a sharp tongue, still withholds a gentle nature. So would you mind taking care of him?"

"Don't worry, that's my plan!" I proudly replied. Seeing my sparkling eyes, the old man sighed as if a weight had been lifted from his heart. He looked directly at Rafayel and me and suddenly bowed, surprising me a little.

But before I could stop him, he looked at us and said, "Well, I wish you both a happy outing. Be careful because..." He whispered, "It will rain tonight, so you'll have to find something else to do."

To my surprise, the old man and the boy waved goodbye as Rafayel held my hand and led me away from the stall, leaving behind a multitude of unanswered questions.

The sun was setting, turning the sky a deep red. The stalls were winding down as people eagerly awaited the evening's fireworks. Yet, between Rafayel and me, there seemed to be an invisible divide.

Since our encounter with the mysterious stall owner, who seemed to be an old acquaintance of Rafayel's, his mood had been down, despite his attempts to hide it by avoiding more profound questions.

He could explain the stall owner's background but seemed reluctant to discuss the man's current condition or why he was on the island in the first place.

There were too many intertwined secrets, and I had an intuition that these secrets held the key to understanding Rafayel's true self, a facet of him I had yet to discover.

This led me to bolder speculations. Perhaps this was the true emotion he had always held, and I had only realized it now because he had hidden it so well. While I acknowledged that his genuine, happy smiles were always associated with the moments he spent with me, it was only when he mentioned his "past," the time before we met, when he was still in Lemuria, that he seemed distant. And it was largely due to my inattentiveness; I hadn't truly focused on learning more about him.

Determined, I decided it was time for Rafayel and me to break through this invisible veil. I wanted to understand him better, including the things that might have hurt him in the past and the scars he tried to hide from me.

I wanted to know everything, to understand him better, only because I loved him as much as he had, was, and would love me.

Taking a deep breath, I took Rafayel's hand, who was still busy introducing the stalls in front of us. A determined look in my eyes conveyed my steadfastness, catching him off guard for a moment. But finally, he sighed in defeat. He squeezed my hand and stroked my palm gently as he said.,

"There's an open space on the other side of the dunes. Would you like to sit and watch the sunset while we wait for the fireworks?"

I nodded gently. The four footprints treaded side by side towards the base of a tree on the other side of the dunes.

The gentle breeze carried the salty scent of the blue sea mixed with the sand, creating a slightly itchy damp feeling, like rolling in the sand while still wet. It was uncomfortable and stuffy. Perhaps that was also the feeling the Lemurians had to face and adapt to when they first hesitantly set foot on the shore.

We both remained silent, watching the sun gradually set on the horizon until I decided to break it.

"Rafayel, you don't have to tell me more details. But at least you can share the basics about you. After all, those basics will help me understand you and your origins better."

Rafayel rested his head on his hand and looked at me intently. "What do you mean by basics?"

I took a deep breath and looked straight at him. "By basics, I mean things revolving around your daily life or at least how you feel. For example, how did you, as a merman, feel when you first stepped onto land? Did your feet, accustomed to swimming, hurt when you first learned to walk? Or did you feel lonely in a strange place? You may not need to tell me what happened, but at least how you felt when experiencing those."

Rafayel's eyes seemed covered in darkness immediately after hearing my questions. He lowered his head and let out a bitter chuckle before looking back at the sky, which was gradually darkening as the sun had set.

"So if I say it hurts, or I'm lonely, what will you do? I'm not naive. Who's to say that those past experiences and feelings weren't all fabricated by me to trap you?"

"Rafayel!"

I took his chin and pulled him to face me. "Look into my eyes."

Rafayel, startled, slowly turned his gaze from the dark sky to meet mine. "...Why? Why do you insist on knowing this? Isn't it easier to not know?"

Just as I was about to reply, a loud clap of thunder echoed through the sky, followed by heavy rain. Oh...just like the old man said...it's raining...

Before I could react, Rafayel quickly wrapped his arms around me, trying to shield me from the pouring rain. But the rain was coming down so hard that everyone had to seek shelter in the stalls being cleaned up, except for me, who was still in Rafayel's arms and protected by him.

But I didn't want to be protected like this...I wanted to face it with him.

My impulsiveness caused me to act faster than I thought. Amid the heavy rain, I grabbed Rafayel's hand and ran straight towards the guesthouse.

The sound of the rain pattering on the ground seemed to separate Rafayel and me from the outside world. This separation became even clearer when we finally reached the door and got inside. It was just him and me in our own space.

The heavy breaths mingled with the raindrops gradually falling to the ground made the atmosphere around us change invisibly.

When my sudden sneeze broke the silence, Rafayel quickly grabbed my hand and led me towards the bathroom. The sound of running water carried the warmth that gradually emanated from the bathtub. While Rafayel was still focused on preparing the bath, I continued to look at him and said what I hadn't been able to say in the downpour earlier.

"I want to know, Rafayel. Because I love you and want to understand you better, including the aspects you consider ugly and not worth mentioning."

After a long silence, Rafayel sighed. He approached me, touched my cheek, and said with a gentle voice.

"Alright, I can start by writing a book or telling you 1001 stories of the Lemurian people. Now go to the bathtub and rest, I'll wait for you.”

As Rafayel was about to leave after ensuring I was settled in the tub, my hand quickly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. My sudden action caused Rafayel to pause, and before he could pry my hand away, he lost his balance and fell into the bathtub.

Silence enveloped us until Rafayel took a deep breath and chuckled as if he had no choice.

Rafayel leaned against the side of the tub opposite me. The hem of his bathrobe was askew, almost like an invitation.

"So you want me to stay here? In this state? Just to find the answer to what you've always wondered?"

I looked at him and reached out to where his heart was beating. "Yes, I want to know more about you."

Rafayel took my hand and rubbed it gently on his cheek. "So what do you want to know?"

"You don't have to be specific, but you could start with...how your Lemurian people express affection?" I firmly acclaimed.

"You really want to know?" Rafayel moved his hand from my wrist to my fingers and gently placed a kiss on it, slowly saying, "When Lemurians fall in love with someone…All our senses are committed to perceiving them without questions."

Before he could finish, I moved my finger to touch his lips and stroked them. "You mean...like this?"

Rafayel chuckled. "Your way of triggering my “sense” has only touched the surface."

I chuckled too. Because, of course, this touch didn't stop there. To prove my point, my hand gradually traced along his neck and went down to where I had touched earlier.

Rafayel's body stiffened with each movement of my finger, signaling that he was also becoming tense. "You...are all humans so foolish...this isn't just about touching..."

Before he could finish, my finger went even deeper to places I wouldn't usually wander. And by now, even Rafayel couldn't stay calm. His eyes darkened, only faintly lighting up when lightning flashed across the dark sky, illuminating the entire space for a moment, revealing shades of deep blue and fiery red. Before I could react, he pushed me onto my back while holding himself above me with his arms. My whole body was submerged in water, enveloped by his strong body.

Rafayel looked straight at me with a frown.

"Do you know what you're doing?"

With his words, the thunder roared continuously, signaling something big was about to happen. I knew what it was, and I was the one who was looking forward to it. "I know. And I know you're looking forward to it, too."

Rafayel looked at me intently with eyes I'd never seen before. It was as if I were prey being watched by a predator, and in the blink of an eye, I could be attacked without a chance to fight back.

Our heartbeat gradually filled the silent air, drowning out the thunder outside. Even I couldn't tell whose heartbeat was so strong, mine or the person I loved who was facing me. But no matter who it belonged to, I knew the hidden intention.

Rafayel finally spoke after his hand gently stroked my lips. "I'm looking forward to it because it's from you."

His entire body leaned down as he pressed his lips against mine. A warm sensation appeared between our lips. From the familiar, it gradually turned strange. This kiss...was different...so intense...so passionate...and so unfamiliar... Could this also be another part of him?

Our heavy breathing continued after the passionate kiss he had given. It was frantic, as if devouring. There was no more thinking or reason. Only passion and intensity. My warmth caused him, a merman, to exclaim, "And you’re warm, I like that."

Somehow, those words touched my heart. They recalled many legends I had once heard, and one vaguely mentioned how mermen didn't like the heat and how difficult it was for them to adapt to the warmth. But for him to say that he loved my warmth, how much had he had to endure to adapt to that extent?

When Rafayel looked at me intently after the passionate kiss ended, I couldn't help but reach out, hold his face within my two palms, and gently caress it, which was unfamiliar and slightly different from usual. I uttered the words that I thought from the bottom of my heart.

"Rafayel...this different side of you...is it still you?"

Immediately after hearing that question, his eyes sadly looked down for a moment, but as if reassuring himself, after a moment, he looked up at me and said, his voice mixed with a little self-doubt and a touch of pleading, "So will you still love me no matter what I become?"

I suddenly realized. It turned out that he was worried about me no longer loving him after discovering his past?

Silly Rafayel, how can I tell him that my love for him can no longer be taken back?

Ignoring all reason, my body acted on the most primal instinct. I grabbed the necklace around his neck and pulled him down hard, leaving a bite mark on it. I bit down fiercely as if to leave a strong and unfaded mark, a mark to say that he belonged to me no matter what might happen.

And to his surprise, I reached out and touched the bite mark, uttering the crazy words I had hidden deep in my heart and now had the opportunity to express. "Rafayel, just to let you know, when you’re madly in love, human often have the urge to mark their territory. And this mark of yours is no different."

His eyes were filled with a thousand emotions, and one of them I could see was relief. It seemed that he, too, understood my feelings for him as much as he had always had for me.

So Rafayel, please don’t be hesitant to open yourself up to me as well.

As if reading my mind, Rafayel pressed his body against mine again and whispered a word only he could understand the depth of. "If you say so, then join me. Let’s drown in the ocean. Together."

Despite the pouring rain and the constant thunder in the sky, in that room, only two minds were sinking together into the current of the waves of love.

**********************************************************************

On that unforgettable night, as I drifted off to sleep, I heard Rafayel's faint voice telling me the first story he had promised in the collection of 1001 Lemurian stories. As mentioned in his first story, I vaguely recalled the image of the Sea God in the dream I had afterward.

Like in a film, I saw the image of that sea god swimming from under the sea to the shore. Then, from the shore, he wandered aimlessly in the endless night. I desperately wanted to reach out but couldn't get close. And that scene repeated over and over until I finally took on a definite form, the form of a traveler standing on the shore after my countless silent prayers just to get closer to that sea god. But instead of the Sea God, in front of my traveler form was the image of a merman whose eyes I was familiar with. And even before the merman raised his singing voice, I rushed forward and grabbed his hand, his cold, lonely hand, and hugged him tightly and gave him the warmth only I could give. And in return, I received from him a warmth that comforted my soul despite all the chaotic melodies in the outside world.

A breeze blew past me, carrying the salty scent of the sea, gradually waking me up from the bittersweet dream I was encountering. Facing me was the sunrise on the horizon hidden behind the seashore. And I was wrapped in warm blankets and cuddled deep in Rafayel's warmth.

Rafayel….he always remembered…no matter what I said despite how nonsensical they were sometimes.

Thank you, Rafayel, for always keeping your promise to me.

So this time, let me also make an unbreakable promise.

Lying quietly in Rafayel's arms and watching the sunrise, I made a silent wish.

I hope that you and I will always be together.

Forever. Despite all obstacles.

All for love.

[madameinfinitehearts]

So you guys remember the One Piece Mafia Wars mini-episode?

Yeah, that one.

I've seen plenty of peeps compare Luffy to Crocodile (even using it as evidence pointing towards the CrocoParent theory)

BUT CONSIDER...

What if that short story was hinting at more than just that?

Sir Crocodile is a character that doesn't trust anyone. He's made that very clear. But what happened to him in the past that made him that way. The "Croc is Xebec's kid" theory suggests that Crocodile may have witnessed some of the Rocks pirates (like Whitebeard) betray their captain at God Valley. It would make sense for him to be bitter about something like that but... is it enough?

Is one bad experience with betrayal and backstabbing enough to make him jaded towards trusting others?

I'd like to suggest another possibility. That Crocodile may have had another experience that ruined his trust in others. For now, let's assume that Crocodile is Xebec's. Sometime after God Valley, he could have been taken in by another family. Perhaps one with ties to the criminal underground. There, he would have gained a new family. Maybe things had been nice for a while. He could have built a close relationship with his new 'siblings'. But for one reason or another... that family met an unfortunate end. Something along the lines of a massacre, leaving Crocodile as the sole survivor.

(I would also like to take this moment to point out that in the mini-sode, everyone ends up killing each with guns...)

(It's probably not that important but you never know...)

Croc would have watched them slaughter each other over their own greed. He would have seen the worst sides of people at that moment and it would have stuck with him for years. But ultimately... Crocodile would find himself alone. Who could he trust now? And would they maintain that trust? Would it mean anything to them?

This is all speculation, of course, but until Oda gives us his actual backstory, I'm going to continue to speculate.

(Also I don't usually do longer posts but I felt inspired to do so by @moongothic. I enjoy their discussion posts so why not make one of my own?)

[tsbs-shipfessions]

Ship confessions?

S..Safe place to share rants?

Oh dear how should I say this...

(Warning for anyone not supporting SolarNexus I guess..)

As much as I like the story of how New Moon went deranged from grief and self deterioration: as in finally realising he can never satisfy this "family's" need of him to be thee og Moon himself. A carbon copy replacement with unrealistic expectations set at full high. (Even though factually thanks to Eclipses V1-4 transitions it's shown that it can't possibly be 100% accurate.) Failing again and again over and over till the event of Solar's death finally snapping him. Derailing himself to push everyone away to the point of losing himself entirely as Nexus.

And Solar valuing New Moon so much that he was in absolute distraught when the first thing he hears upon waking was that his best friend, HIS REASON OF HOME, lost himself so far in the name of lone desperation. A desperation he knows all too well thanks to his past Moon's ungracious reaction to unfortunate loss.

Solar knows what it's like to be alone and afraid. He can't possibly leave Nexus like the others like the flip of the switch! Because just as he gave mercy to Eclipse and Ruin, he'd give mercy to Nexus too.

The canon doesn't make any sense!

And, well, being a silent (yet intimidated from this fandom) supporter of SolarNexus...

The angst writer side of me wishes that this story didn't clap off to the cliche "power hungry" complex.

Why not have Solar continue to drive himself to find some cure or solution? In the name of friendship; to justify himself that he can fix it all before it's too late. To not lose another from his (falsely blamed and uncontrolled) faults. To be the reassurance of comfort Nexus so desperately needed.

Why not have Nexus secretly die inside whenever he speaks the words he does not mean; unwillingly pushing himself to the edge every time he starts to believe hope can be retrieved. Falling in the spiral that nothing is real and he has no right to feel and express. The moment Nexus felt like grasping on light is when strings of dark pull him to a choke to remind just exactly who he's working with. Why he even decided to make a deal with DarkSun. That no matter how Nexus puts it, he technically is a husk for dark star power. An element. Like a living battery for some bigger project he may not be entirely aware of. (And my best guess: a tragic death to Dark Sun's intricate plans.)

A reminder so cruel and twisted that Nexus can't possibly see a way out without Solar's guidance and safety.

Life was never fair for the both of them. They both suffered at being blamed and antagonised for things they had no proper control over. They both had self doubts and a sense that they were never home.

(For f--k's sake! Nexus was LOSING HIS MIND!! CRITICAL DANGER OF WELL BEING, and the "family" decided: Hey! Instead of actually getting him proper treatment, lets just lock him in a cell and keep calling him a villain for insulting people! An action he had no say over because HAHA he LoSt hIs mInD. Wha- eH- HUUEUUH???? NnNO???)

But ey! They were Home for each other.

That's why Solar and NM/Nexus's friendship worked so well! They had a sense of comfort to speak and express openly, to have negativity or concerns spill out without backlash. To actually live freely knowing they have each others back!

And I'd like to believe they'd still ache to have this connection again. That Solar would do whatever it takes to have Nexus free from his chains.

Not to be welcomed by the "family", but to be welcomed by Solar's own loving arms. To get proper care, proper help, proper recognition of all parts of Nexus. Both good and bad.

I really think there's tragedy love potential here. I wished to see them fight whatever forces against them to be together again. To get at least that ounce of safety within the chaos.

Whether it's fighting mental illness or dark star power. Who cares! They gonna be together again dAhM iT! Even if it's just a minute before tragic death from DarkSun or somethin! T-T

*COUGH* oUgh man.. what a doozy of a topic..

Thank you so much for reading! And for making this confessions blog! I appreciate it! Was really good to have this off my chest. Wish you and everyone reading a wonderful day/evenin! :)

I admire the hell out of your passion. This was a good read, and has a lot of neat points. Nice going, Anon.