#and i got his new book for christmas i’m so excited 2 read it

[notsoattractivearenti]

Wherever You Are | Part 2 (Mason Mount x Reader)

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: curse words, mentions of alcohol, angst

A/N: I didn't even intend to make this a 2-part series but since some of you asked for part 2, here you go! Special thanks to @ariddletobesolved for proofreading this fic ❤️ Also since Y/N is from London, I wanted to make the experience more authentic (I did some research) so I used British English here – but if I misspelled any words don't hesitate to correct me! If you enjoy it I'd love to hear from y'all through reblog/reply/ask 😄🫶 Feedbacks would be appreciated! Before reading this make sure you've read part 1 🤍

---

It’s been 8 months since you moved to New York. 8 whole months since the last time you saw Mason. Your heart ached from loving and missing him a lot, and you tried so hard to bury your pain deep through work. You did regret breaking up with him but you knew it was for the best, or at least you think it was...

It was December, meaning Christmas was near and at that time you hadn’t decided whether you should stay in NYC or go back home to London. You still weren't sure if you were going to get days off during Christmas and New Year.

You just got back to your apartment when you got a call from your mum. You grabbed your Airpods from your purse, put them on and picked up the phone. 

“Hi Mum! You’re still up? I thought you were already asleep.” 

“Hi sweetie! I miss you, so I want to call you before going to bed. How was work?” 

“Eh, the usual. But a little bit busier because it’s holiday season but nothing new really. How are you?” 

“I’m good, now better ‘cause I’m talking to you. Speaking of holidays, will you come home this Christmas? I know you just moved months ago and maybe you want to spend your first Christmas in New York, but we would love to have you here with us!”

“Oh Mum, you know I want to... But I can’t give you the exact answer right now since I still don’t know if I have to work on Christmas day. I will let you know once it’s clear, okay?”

“Alright! Hope you will come home sweetie. We all miss you here. But we’re so proud of you!”

“Thank you Mum, you’re the best! Now please go to bed, it’s midnight there isn’t it? We’ll talk again later!”

 “Okay, okay, I’m going. Good night, love you Y/N!”

“Sleep well Mum, I love you!” 

You hung up the phone, and out of nowhere you found yourself staring at Mason’s contact on your phone. You were about to click on his contact to call him, but backed out because you knew it was midnight in London and you didn’t want to bother him, even though you weren’t sure if he was already asleep or still out somewhere. 

The next day, everyone at the office including you received a memo that said during Christmas and New Year, employees from certain divisions got 2-week off starting next week, including the division you currently work under. You felt happy and relieved once you read the memo, knowing that you got to go back to London for a while to finally spend time with your family and friends. Not only that, you were thinking about how you might have the chance to see Mason, even as friends... You were so excited, you booked a return ticket to London right away. Later that day, you called your mum and told her about your plan, and she was thrilled to have her daughter for Christmas. You also told your best friend about it, and they already begged you to have a night out with them the day you arrived, but you told them you’d go out the day after instead because you were aware you might have jet lag due to the time difference.

---

A week passed, and the day you’d been waiting for finally came. You just couldn’t wait to see everyone back home. Barely a year had passed, yet you had missed London so much. You were really excited to be back home even just for two weeks. Before you moved away, you were living with Mason for 2 years, now that you two had broken up, you stayed at your parents’ house.

Arriving at Heathrow, you waited for your dad to pick you up. As minutes passed, your mind drifted back to the last time you were there. Back then, you had Mason dropping you off and it was one of the worst days of your life because of the break-up. You wanted to pretend you were okay, but you couldn’t. Your eyes started tearing up and your excitement began to subside as sadness and regret filled you instead. Tears were streaming down your face, and you immediately grabbed a tissue from your pocket to wipe those tears away. You didn’t want your dad to see you like this, so you opened your phone and looked for funny videos to lighten up your mood.

It didn’t take long until you saw your dad’s car pull over, before he got out to help you with your luggage. As you waved at him, you tried to force a smile, not wanting him to see you sad.

“Hello my beautiful hardworking New Yorker! I’ve missed you so much, sweetie,” he said as he gave you a hug.

“Hi Dad, I’ve missed you a lot too. So happy to finally see you in person,” you replied.

He could hear the quaver in your voice and he instantly knew you were upset, assuming it was because of Mason. “Y/N, are you okay? You’ve been thinking of Mason, haven’t you?”

“Is it that obvious? Shit, sorry Dad. I just couldn’t get him out of my head. The last time I was here, I broke up with him.” You paused to calm yourself down. “But you know what? We don’t have to talk about that... I’ll be okay, Dad.”

He looked at you with a gentle smile, rubbing your back and nodding. “Okay, but if you do want to talk about it don’t hesitate. Your mum and I are here for you.”

You smiled at him, “I know. Thanks, Dad.” Right after, your dad took your luggage and put it in the boot while you got in the car, sitting at the passenger’s seat. 

Once you arrived at your parents’ house, you quickly got out of the car when you saw your mum already waiting for you. She was standing at the front door, waving at you as she came over to give you a hug.

“Y/N! I’m so happy you’re here! How was your flight?”

“It was exhausting but worth it, Mum. I’m happy to see you!” 

“Let’s go inside, I’ve made you some pasta in case you’re hungry,” she said to you as she pulled you hand and took you inside the house.

After a late lunch with your parents, you went to your room to unpack and rest. You were really tired, so once you got everything unpacked, you finally laid down on your bed. Since you are the only child and there was only one spare room in your parents’ house, it was really quiet, completely the opposite of your everyday situation in NYC—that city truly never sleeps. 

You took your phone out of your pocket, unlocked it and went straight to contact. You wanted to text Mason to let him know you were in London, but you chickened out. “What if he doesn’t give a damn?” you thought to yourself. So instead of sending him a text, you texted your friend instead to give them – as they liked to call it – a life update. Feeling tired, you fell asleep for hours.

---

The next day, you spent most of the day with your parents. They asked you so many questions about your job and your life in NYC, and most of those questions were pretty overwhelming to you but you answered them anyway. 

“So, does Mason know you’re here?” asked your mum. 

Your heart stopped. You just froze the moment you heard your mum mentioned his name. You had no idea how to react – it was a simple question but to you it was a lot more complicated. 

“Y/N are you okay? Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry!” Your mum was startled when saw your reaction. 

“Uh...” You got tongue-tied. Fuck, why can’t I say anything?

“It’s okay, sweetie. You don’t have to say anything.” Your dad was trying to comfort you because he knew how hurtful it was to you when his name came up.

You were quivering, still very much broken-hearted by your own decision. “It’s, uh... okay. I just, um... I, uh, haven’t... Haven’t talked to Mase since, uh... Since we broke up.”

“Oh, baby I’m so sorry,” as your mum hugged you, “we’re not going to ask about him again. Y/N, we love you. We know it’s hard, but you should know we are here for you.”

You were trying so hard to hold your tears. “Thanks Mum, Dad. I’ll be okay.” 

---

Later that night, you had your friend picking you up for the planned night out. After going through an emotional day, you knew you needed to go somewhere to refresh and ease the emotional pain. They took you to your favourite restaurant for dinner, before you both went to your usual pub. 

“Oh man, you don’t know how much I needed a fucking drink! Y/F/N you’re a fucking godsend!” You sounded a little tipsy since you had two glasses of wine at dinner, then one – almost two ­– pints of beer at the pub, but you couldn’t care less.

“Okay, whoa, slow down Y/N. I know you’re hurting but please don’t drink too much,” as Y/F/N pulled your glass, “you know you will puke a lot and I don’t want to see that.”

“You know, Mason used to say that too. But every time I puked he always took care of me no matter how drunk he was too. God, I wonder how he’s doing right fucking now.”

“Uh, Y/N?” Y/F/N paused for a second, “Mason’s here.”

You were stunned, you couldn’t believe what you heard. Damn it, he can’t see me like this!

“Okay Y/N, stop drinking and calm down. I think he won’t see us.” Suddenly, you see Y/F/N’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, I think he just saw me. Fuck, sorry Y/N. He’s definitely coming over here.” 

“Y/F/N! Hi!” You heard Mason loud and clear as he walked towards your table. You didn’t know what to do so you just sat there, hoping you wouldn’t do anything weird.

“Hi Mason... Uh, this is awkward,” said Y/F/N as they looked at you.

“Y/N? You’re... here?” Mason’s tone changed the moment he realised you were there. “When did you uh, when did you... When?”

“Um... Yesterday.” You tried to be calm and not sounding tipsy. “Hi, Mase.” You looked at him and all you could think about was how handsome he looked. 

“Oh wow, I uh, I didn’t know. Sorry I’m just... I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” he said nervously.

You couldn’t stare at him for too long, so you looked down most of the time. You wanted to tell him how you feel but you didn’t know what could’ve happened if you did it – you were afraid you were going to hurt both of you again. So instead of saying anything, you just smiled at him.

“Masey? Baby where do you want to sit? I got our beers,” you heard a girl calling Mason. Baby? Why would she call him that? Is he... Seeing someone?

“Coming, sweetheart,” he replied to the girl, “Y/F/N, Y/N, it was nice seeing you both. I got to get back to my girlfriend...” he paused, “Y/N, I’m so sorry. I hope we can still be friends...”

You could feel your heart breaking way worse than before. At that moment you just knew, you had lost your chance to be with the love of your life. You’d lost him forever. You could have had him, but you blew it. Tears began to fill your eyes, but you didn’t want to break down in front of him. So you tried to act like you were okay, that you had accepted the fact that he is with someone new, even though you were nowhere near okay.

“No need to be sorry, Mase. Of course we can stay friends. I’m happy for you. You deserve happiness. I hope she makes you feel loved,” you said as you smiled at him, trying to cover your pain.

Mason nodded and smiled back at you. He tapped your shoulder before he left, “See you around, Y/N.”

You watched as he walked away, feeling numb, thinking about how lucky his girl is to have someone like Mason in her life. You knew that because you had him for 4 years. It was the best 4 years of your life and you would do anything to get it back, but you knew you couldn’t. You meant it when you said he deserves happiness, with or without you. You made a mistake, and you had to deal with the consequences. Even though it hurt deeply, at least you had found closure. You didn’t have to wonder about you and him anymore, and it was clear that you had to move on. 

“Y/N... I’m so sorry. I love you, and you know you have a shoulder to lean on,” said Y/F/N as they held your hands, giving them a little squeeze of reassurance that you needed.

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine Y/F/N. I’ve said it a million times, but this time I mean it.” Your heart ached with sadness, but still you tried to be strong. “It’s time for me to move on, no matter how long it will take.”

---

taglist:

@pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @masonspulisic @swimmingismywholelife @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14

[popcornforone]

Christmas Wish

A Tim Rockford fan fic

I got in from the cinema tonight at about 10:30 watches a bit of tv & then went on tiktok & then couldn’t sleep. It’s now 2am & a small idea I had I’ve now almost completed a first draft of. & I think you will get the finished product soon. See this is why I have lots of fics in draft. Because bang I will get a new idea & then I’ll just write. Also I can’t believe I’m writing Tim again. Send help (but please don’t)

Synopsis: your taking your kids to see Santa but your husband isn’t sure he will make it on time. But a Santas wish box might make all your dreams come true.

Word count:3800

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF TOU ARE UNDER 18! PIV sex, breeding kink, pregnancy, swearing. Previous sexual encounters & fantasies mentioned. Husband & wife, swearing. Mentions of alcohol, teasing, crime is mentioned but not in detail, bedroom voice, Tim likes to be incontrol but he’s not a dom. cock warming, intense sex.

Thanks as always for reading peoples. All feedback is welcome.

3 rings, he always answers exactly after 3 rings no matter who it is. Today is no different.

“Detective Rockford” he answers professionally.

“Tim?” He turns red straight away & starts mouthing to the two other officers in the room with him working the case. He’s saying it’s you & it’s a family emergency.

“Ahhh hang on” he scurries out of the room & into his office down the corridor closing the door behind him. “Sorry still working the case, we’ve almost made a break through.” He says as he rubs his hand across his forehead. He always tried to think like the criminal to catch them & this case has pushed him a little. He’s often got home late exhausted & full of concern that that longer this person is on the loose, the harder it will be to find them.

“That’s not the only thing that needs to be considered” you say. He can hear babbling going on in the back ground. He’s worked out it’s your 5 year old & 2 year old. “How much later are you going to be tonight Tim?” You sound exasperated.

“Maybe an hour, so close, we’re so so close,” he then pauses “wait… I’m missing something, arent I?” He says. You falling silent down the other end of the phone confirms this. “Fuck! What am I missing?” His eyes scrunch up in anger, that he’s got caught up in his work once again. You knew being Mrs Rockford would come with moments like this, but recently it’s becoming more frequent.

“It’s 5pm at the moment, we are meant to all be meeting Santa at the North Pole Grotto at 6:30pm” you say calmly down the phone. You know annoying him by going I told you to set a reminder when you booked it 2 months ago, will piss him off. “I understand though Tim, this is a huge case. It will make our town safe. I can call them up & push it to next week if I do it in the…” Tim then hears your 5 year old son start singing jingle bells in the back ground. He knows he’s probably in his light up raindeer jumper & is so excited to see Santa tonight.

“No, you have to go. I’ll try & get there. I’m sure I’ve got the address, I’ll do my best”

“Tim I can…”

“No I can hear Jason singing in the background, don’t break his heart, I’ll make it up to him & Grace & you, especially you.” He looks at his watch. He can do this. He’s then disturbed as someone taps on the glass of his door. “Baby I gotta go, but promise me you’ll take the kids okay, even if I have to then come back to work, I’ll do my best”

“Tim I…”

“Promise me” he used his moody interrogation voice. That’s how you met. You had been a witness to a crime & he talked to you at the police station. He got no new clues out of you, but you left your number in case he needed to ask you anything else. 3 weeks later, you were handcuffed to his bed, screaming Tim’s name as he licked every inch of your pussy. His face glistening as he told you how good you tasted before he ravaged you for the next 2 days. Even detective Rockford through a sicky to pleasure his new girlfriend. That was almost 8 years ago. You knew what you were getting yourself into by having a relationship with someone like him, both work wise & sexually.

“Okay detective” you say & then sigh. He doesn’t even say bye down the phone, clearly somethings come up. You say to the beeping cancel tone “I love you baby” before Jason starts jumping about to the next Christmas song.

*

You are sat in the ‘north pole’ bouncing Grace on your lap who looks adorable in her snowman outfit. Jason is busy saying exactly what he wants Santa to get him.

“A rocket ship, lego, slime, chocolate, more chocolate…” the list keeps going.

“Yea Jason. Santa will see us in a second. He’s got lots of people to see. I think you just need to pick 3 items for today.” You say & he sits down next to you.

“What do you want for Christmas Mummy?” He asks. You had no idea your son was so thoughtful. The look on his face is genuine. He really wants to know.

“For you & your sister to have the best Christmas” you say & wrap your arms around him. His hug is pure love, the only kind of love a 5 year old can give.

“Oooh im not sure I can wrap that up, what can I actually get you?” Jason hugs you. You know what you really want but you know Jason can’t get it for you. You go to answer with something trivial, but your then interupted by a teenager dressed as an Elf.

“The Rockfords?” You stand up & go to speak.

“Yep that’s us” an echoing voice comes from down the corridor. Tim is lightly jogging your way & the beam on your face can’t be denied.

“Daddy!” Tim scopes Jason up into his arms.

“Hey sport” he gives his boy a big kiss & ruffles Graces hair as she’s almost asleep on you. “Couldn’t miss this for the world” he kisses your cheek & you turn as red as a robins breast. Tim is still in his full detective gear. Holsters & everything. It’s giving you flash backs to some previous role play. He’s previously just left his tie & the holsters on while he’s fucked you & fake interrogated you in bed. The last time he did it, he growled just before his point of climax are you on birth control, you screamed no. You didn’t know Tim had a breeding kink until that moment as he went oh we’re gonna make this stick then. He fucked you all night, even when you woke up in the morning. He was late for work that’s day & you walked slowly for a week. The man delivered though, 9 months later Grace was born.

“I’m glad you made it baby” you say to him as you enter the first room & you are both offered a mince pie. Tim bites into his & his face lights up even more.

“Oooh this tastes good, I haven’t eaten since breakfast” he says & after you’ve had a small bite of yours, you offer it to him. There’s no point rolling your eyes at Tim not eating, his job means he sometimes doesn’t stop for hours. “Thanks beautiful” he says.

You’re then asked if you’d all like to stand infront of a fake fire for a family photo. Usually Tim hates this but he sees Jason get ready to pose & smile.

“Oooh absolutely” a few sensible & also funny family photos are taken in front of the fire & you know by the time you are done with Santa, you will have the jpegs emailed across to print off at home. Tim smiles genuinely in every single photograph. It makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. Those eyes that made you fall for him, dazing in the fake fire light. So warm cozy & loving much like his hugs on a cold winters night. He sees you look & looks back into your own soft blue eyes. “Hello you” he whispers. He can see the love reflecting back to him. His hand slowly fits in yours. So large but soft. The way his thumb goes across your knuckles to start with arouses you.

“Are you all ready to meet Santa?” the elf says, bring you both back to reality.

“Yes” Jason shouts. You & Tim both nod. You’re just happy to see Tim enjoying a family moment & forgetting about work stress.

“Well let’s go” The elf lifts up the icicle beaded curtain & Jason bounds in & you & then Tim follow.

There sits Santa. On his big red chair. A large tree, 3 large sacks of gifts & a few toys on the floor. It’s in a cabin setting. Jason doesn’t move, hes star struck.

“Go on Jason” you say & he then grabs Tim’s leg feeling a little shy.

“Hohoho is that Jason Rockford?” Santa asks in his deep voice. Jason nods, but still hangs onto daddy. “& that then must be mummy & daddy & is that your little sister Grace?” He asks, rubbing his belly. His beard is magnificently white & the suit is cherry red. You knew there was a reason why people booked up this Santa experience.

“How do you know my sisters name?” Jason asks suspiciously.

“It’s my job to know everyone’s name” Santa laughs “especially those on the nice list” Jason still hasn’t budged from Tim. Tim then gets down to his knees & looks at his son.

“Come on Jason, it’s only Santa, he wants to talk to you” he gestures. Jason still says nothing, not moving, standing firm. “Didn’t you want to tell him what was on your Christmas list, you told mummy earlier didn’t you.” Jason then shakes his head. Seeing Santa might have been what he’s wanted for the last 3 weeks but a 5 year old can’t process all those emotions. “Then tell me, tell daddy.”

“Chocolate” Jason says quietly.

“Sorry sport, speak up I missed that”

“More chocolate”

“Oooh chocolate I love chocolate” Santa Ho Ho Hos again & leans into a box,” i like Milky Way”

“That’s my fave too” Jason turns his head & he sees Santa holding one. In a flash Jason is no longer star struck or shy. He is on Santas knee, telling him about his gifts he’s like & what he thinks Grace wants & the elf’s take photos.

“He’s forward like his mum” Tim whispers in your ear as you hand Grace over for the kids to have their own Santa photo.

“& shy to start with like his dad, but then once your out of the shell” you smile at him.

“Thought you like me being outgoing and adventurous” Tim says. He then does that thing with his hand, the way he rubs it around his neck always has you pining, you have no idea why, it just does.

“I want any version of you my love” you then see Santa start to wrap it up the fun.

“Now here’s a small gift” he starts & he hands one to Jason & one to you for Grace as Tim picks her up.” To keep you going until Christmas night okay”

“Wow really, thanks Santa” Jason hugs him & we thank him too.

“Don’t forget to put your Christmas wishes in the box on your way out. Ho Ho Ho & Merry Christmas” he says & your family leave the room.

You look at the wish box & get Jason to write his down & you do one for Grace. But then you see Tim with a piece of paper.

“Baby what are you…”

“You need to do one too” he says as take a photo of his before he drops his in the box “otherwise your Christmas wish won’t come true” you smile & do the same.

“Okay Tim” after dropping your wish into the box, you leave as a family & Tim helps you get the kids in the car, once you get to the car park.

“Are you coming home” you ask being hopeful.

“No I’m not, I have to go back, I’ve got a murderer interview to conduct.”

“You found them”you say excitedly.

“Yes, the team left to arrest him while I’ve been here, but I promise to not be too late okay” you can tell by the looks of it in his eyes that he wants to do nothing more than follow you & the kids home right now. Both will be sound asleep before he gets home tonight, there’s even a chance you might be.

“It’s okay baby, I get It” you smile & go to open your car door but he blocks you getting into it. Your eyes connect & the kiss Tim gives is sweet & soft & your gloved hands graze his beard. You don’t want this kiss to end. He looks full of both sorrow & love as the kiss breaks.

“I love you” Tim says & he traces his thumb across your lips & leaves you standing by the car as he walks off to go get in his.

*

Christmas Day madness has happened & you get into bed in your new pink fleece snoopy pyjamas that you got for Christmas. The clean up can start tomorrow. Your parents have agreed to get up if the kids are an issue tonight. In walks Tim into the bedroom in his dark blue pinstripe Pyjamas & he gets under the duvet with you & kisses your cheek.

“I’ve got 1 more Christmas gift for you baby & I think you have one for me”he says with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“Tim you know that we were always going to have…”

“No no nope, im not talking about sex” he says & he grabs his phone. “I want to show you what my Christmas wish was that I asked Santa for.” Your eyes dilate. You’d forgotten you did that on the evening you met Santa but now you’re excited to see what his was & to share yours.

“Really Tim?” You say excitedly & move close to him under the duvet. Your hand goes for his groin automatically, you know full well that sex is also on the cards, as you slip your hand beneath his bottoms. He lets out a small deep moan & you’re not just hot due to your new fluffy sleep wear. You want your husband, & he wants his wife.

“Y…ye…oooh yes” he says. You’re not sure if that’s a reaponse to sharing or your hand working his length or both, but the way his eyebrows twitch & the more breathing he does you think it’s more from arousal. He then grabs your hand & takes it away. “I don’t want to cum already” he mumbles & pulls you in so your head rests on his top. Such a firm chest & the broadest shoulders tower above you.

He scrolls through his photos.

“Your not worried you wish won’t come true baby”

“Ooh sweetheart” Tim kisses your forehead “it’s Christmas it’s a time for miracles” he says cockily.

“Did you just try & be Hans Gruber?” You ask & you both giggle.

“Guilty as charged” he says & then he flips his phone around & you look at what he wrote on the piece of paper. Your eyes well up.

For my families love & understanding everyday, not just at Christmas.

Your arms fling around his neck & you kiss him hard. So deep so passionate so intense.

“You’ve always had that Tim”

“I know, I just sometimes take it for granted” the way his hand strokes your hair sends a sensation down your spine. His lips are soft as the keep making contact with yours.

“Do you…”

“After this” he moans as he reaches the hem of your fleece top, always a man who knows what he wants. A man who gets results. He might not be in his detective gear right now, but it wasn’t the detective fantasy you fell in love with 8 years ago. It was those big eyes, that smoulder, the messy hair, the deep sexual voice, those large hands that make your body do extraordinary things. You love Tim Rockford, he never had to be a detective to get you in bed, although now that is sometimes useful.

Your pyjamas are off before his & he kisses your tummy. Your stretch marks always get the first kisses just before he slips inside you. You still don’t like them & always gasp when he kisses them.

“There’s nothing sexier than these baby, they made the two best things in my life, be proud” his top has gone & his bottoms follow quickly. His long length dripping already. You’re so aroused that you know you won’t need lube tonight. The way his hands caress your hips as he goes between your legs. You feel the tip tease your clit & the moan you let out has Tim licking his lip.”okay maybe that noise is, make that noise again” he breaches you. He’s not fully in but it has you hand clutching the pillow. He always makes you stretch. He likes to go in slowly & sensually. You oblige & moan again. “That’s my good girl, you’re on my nice list” the next rock he’s almost fully inside. You’re already clamping around him. He feels so good.

“a nice list?” You stutter.

“Yes” the next thrust he’s completely inside you & you cry his name. “You are such a good girl except when it comes to sex, then your naughty but you do that to make me happy” he raises his eyebrows as his next thrusts hits the soft spot. The one that makes you see starts. You close your eyes, pleasure taking over as he slowly rocks into you & your body responds enjoying each movement. Your eyes open after an extraordinary kiss. He feels even deeper inside you tonight. You’re extra sensitive to each graze inside your core.

He lowers himself so he’s all but lying on top of you. Just hoovering slightly. His hands grab either side of the pillow by your head. You lift your hands up & hold his face, & look directly into his eyes. The sweat glistening off his head. His body moving in a rhythm that’s unmatched. It makes you purr.

“Baby”

“Oooh baby”

It’s intense staring into each others eyes. The way he works his hips. Your friction against him has you whimpering.

“Ooooh yes yes yes yes don’t stop, keep going oooh fuck” your heart races.

“Oooh you like that, fuck you do” those massive brown eyes are the largest you’ve ever seen. He’s lost in his lust & desire for you. That turns you on even more.

“Tim oh Tim. Yes Tim”

“You take me so well baby” one of the hands stops gripping the pillow & lightly goes around your neck. Each thrust deep. It hits the spot without fail. You feel extraordinarily sexy as his grinds his teeth. The beads of sweat drip onto your chest.

“Keep going im so close” you just about get the words out. His grip tightens & you start gasping & he is pulsing. You’re sure the bed is creaking. You’re hoping no one can hear your collective moans.

“You wanna cum?” Tim growls as his other hand tugs at your hair. “Do you think you’ve earnt it? Do you want to drench me? Make me spill inside you?” you love it when he gets in the zone & starts using his menacing voice. Criminals cave in for this tone but you squirt when he gets it right. What brings nightmares for others makes you orgasm.

“Ye yea…. Yess”

“If I cum your gonna keep me warm, your going to sleep all night with my hard throbbing cock buried inside you. We’re gonna stimulate you so you stay wet & I stay hard. You’re gonna be cock drunk when you wake up on Boxing Day, my naughty wife.” You hear these words escape Tim’s mouth but they don’t make sense. You’ve lost all cognitive thoughts. Your about to scream so that everyone knows your husband has satisfied you. “Cum baby, cum for your hubby”

The way you scream Tim’s name is deep & low, because you are almost speechless. You gush & drench his length as he keeps going inside you. Even if you weren’t speechless, nothing could describe what you’re experiencing right now.

“Yes baby, that’s my girl, oooh fuck oooh god oooh yesssss” Tim screams. His hand squeezes once more around your neck, his sperm flows inside you, filling you up. His body also juddering, from the extreme pleasure. He sharply let’s go of your neck & you gasp for as much air as you can in 3 seconds before your mouth is occupied with his. Your bodies roll you both out of your highs, slow rocks to calm you down. His hands are in your hair & on your breasts. Yours are also in his hair & stroking that small little patch he has in his beard, your favourite place for cheeky kisses. Eventually your bodies do stop rocking & your collective panting goes quiet. There is a squelching noice from his penis still semi hard inside your.

“Baby” you eventually say & flutter your eyes open.

“Ooh baby in deed” he goes to roll off you & then remembers his promise. You moan slightly as he withdraws but he is swiftly back inside you semi hard, being your big spoon. Even like this he feels good inside you. Cock warming is often something you do as you fall asleep after sex.

“Was that the best Christmas gift?”Tim whispers.

“Well it’s either that or the watch?” You giggle as he moves your hair to the side to kiss your neck. Such small soft little pecks.

“See we can make everyone’s Christmas wish come true” he says. “Hang on you never showed me what you asked santa for”

“Did I not?”

“No we got so into the moment after my reveal that we forgot”

“Hmmm”you reach your arm out & grab your phone. A smile comes across your face. “Promise to not over react?” You say with a little snigger.

“Baby what could…” Tim then looks & the photo on the phone startled. He takes it from you & stares at it. He then throws it down the end of the bed. His hands trail down your body as harder kisses fill your neck & cheek. “Seriously?” You nod “but today? How?” He’s really shocked.

“I was in charge” you smile & turn your head around so his lips can find yours.

“My cleaver girl”

You slowly both nod off to sleep exhausted, his cock still inside you, the kisses eventually stop. His hand also stops rubbing his most favourite place of all. Eventually your phone screen turns off. Your wish was always going to be true.

For Jason & Grace to love their new sibling, who should be here come August.

[shannyh25]

Chapter 2 Gilbert's POV

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

A soft knock on the door brought him to his senses and he saw a small figure standing in the doorway. Joy was wrapped up in her mother’s shawl and she was also wrapped up in Gilbert’s old college quilt. He could tell she had been crying.

“What are you doing up sweetheart, it’s late? You should be asleep.” Gilbert softly spoke.

“I couldn’t sleep papa. I tried. I-I-I’m scared. I don’t want to leave here.” Joy whimpers.

Gilbert’s heart broke at the sound of his daughter’s voice. He hated doing this to her. He really did, but Glen St Mary already had a town doctor and Avonlea didn’t. That’s why he applied to it and Dr. Spencer accepted his application without hesitation. Gilbert opened his arms to invite Joy in. She quickly waddled over to him. As fast she can go, being wrapped up in a big quilt, she went into Gilbert’s arms.

Gilbert easily lifted her up and sat her on his lap. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the look of his daughter being wrapped up in his old quilt.

“What’s the matter sweetheart? What are you scared of?” Gilbert asked gently.

Joy bit her lip; a habit Gilbert never liked, but she only did that when she was anxious and Gilbert could tell she was anxious.

“I don’t want to leave momma. She will be by herself without no one to visit her. No one to bring her flowers. No one to go clean up the leaves or branches that fall on top of her grave. She will be lonely papa.” Joy said.

Gilbert thought long and hard about this the last couple of months. On how the move will affect Joy. He even spoke to Ruby’s parents about it. Gilbert got their blessing in the move and that made him feel better. They even promised they will take care of Ruby’s grave. They said they would put fresh flowers on it once a week and keep it clean.

“Momma won’t be lonely sweetheart. Grandma and Grandpa Gillis promised they would look after Momma. They promised to bring her fresh flowers every week, and make sure it’s kept clean. I know you’re scared, but you remember going to Avonlea a few times, right? We spent a couple weeks there in the summer and at Christmas time and New Years? You love it in Avonlea. We will have fun this summer too. Guess what? Remember how you have been wanting to learn to swim?” Gilbert asked.

Sniffing, Joy shook her head yes.

“ I’m going to teach you this summer. I’ll be working still. But I’ll make sure I will teach you to swim. We will stay at Grandma and Grandpa Blythe’s house until I find a house for us. They are so excited to see both of us. Grandmother Blythe has a few things planned for you that she wants you to do with her. I’ll brush you up on your schooling too before you start school. Just like we used too. How does that sound?” Gilbert asked.

Gilbert felt Joy shrug her shoulders. She was leaning into him and he could tell she was getting upset. He gently rubbed her back

“ We were going to be okay munchkin. Remember how we talked about going on a train? You’ll enjoy the train ride. We are also going to go to on a Ferry too. I have been on both and I think you’ll enjoy both of them.” Gilbert continues.

“You have been on a train?” Joy asked.

“Yes, I have. Like the books we read together and how they have trains in them, we are going on one just like in the story books. The train ride will be fun. You can have the window seat and look out the window and at all the passing fields going by. Your tummy might get a little nauseous because of the motion of the train, so I’ll need you to try and eat something for breakfast. Okay?” Gilbert asked.

Joy didn’t say anything to that remark. Gilbert knows perfectly well that when Joy gets upset, she doesn’t eat. Gilbert tried not to get frustrated at her, but he always tries to encourage her to eat something in the morning so she has food in her tummy. If he has too, he’ll feed her himself. He doesn’t want to take that route, but he well. He has done before it before.

“Will the train blow its whistle and let all the steam out as it comes closer to the train station?” Joy asked. Her curiosity getting the better of her.

Gilbert chuckled. “Yes, it will. You will see its big wheels slowly chugging to slow down. Then the train master will pull on a handle to put the brakes on so the train doesn’t crash.”

“The train won’t crash, will it papa?” Joy asked alarmed.

“No munchkin. The train master will make sure it won’t.” Gilbert said.

“You’ll like the ferry ride too. It’s a big boat and it has cabins inside it that we can sleep in. We can walk around on deck and look out over the railing and see the ocean. I just don’t want you leaning over the railing. I’ll be afraid that you will fall overboard. You might get sea sick for the first day, which is completely normal. Depending how you feel, you can stay in the cabin and rest or we can walk around on deck.” Gilbert said.

“Will we see dolphins?” Joy asked.

Gilbert chuckled. “Maybe. We can keep a look out for them. I can’t make any promises though.”

Do you feel better now?” Gilbert asked.

“Maybe a little. I’m still scared. Talking some more helped. Can we walk around Avonlea and explore it some?” Joy asked.

“Certainly. I’ll show you all of my favorite spots that I used to hang out in when I was I younger. You’ll like them too. The swimming hole will be a perfect place to relax and cool off in the summer time. That’s where I am going to teach you to swim. I’ll show you my old secret fishing spot too. I’ll also teach you to fish and you’ll be the next famous fishermen, I mean, fisherwomen in the Blythe family. Grandma cooks the best fish with homemade cornbread. You’ll love it.” Gilbert promised.

Joy gave a sigh. “I’m still worried about leaving Momma. I won’t get to talk to her every day like I do now. How can I still talk to her?”

Still holding onto Joy with one arm, Gilbert turned to his nightstand to retrieve a picture. Joy looked over her papa’s shoulder and her face was curious. Gilbert knew that Joy always liked this picture of Ruby. It was time to give it to Joy.

“I want you to take care of this picture for me sweetheart. I only have room in my knapsack for one more small picture frame and that is this one.”

Gilbert fished out the picture frame he was talking about. It was an old black and white photograph of three of them - Ruby, Gilbert and Joy. It was taken shortly after Joy was born. Gilbert felt like the proudest father/young doctor in all of Glen St Mary at the time and he wanted a memory that showed it.

Joy looked at the picture of Ruby and she gave a small whimper. Joy gently touched the picture and traced her mother’s outline. Joy thought her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Joy was looking at another picture in a frame and Gilbert said, “That was your momma on her wedding day. She was the most beautiful young lady I have ever seen. She was a nervous wreck though. I chose to not leave her side all day so I could keep watch on her, making sure she doesn’t faint on me. It was hot that day and she was so scared she was going to pass out. But I promised her since I had just graduated medical school, I would check on her every so often, making sure she had plenty of water and ate. Luckily, she didn’t faint.” Gilbert said.

“Momma was so beautiful. You picked the perfect bride Papa. I want to look like her when I get married. I just don’t want my anxiety get in the way on that day.” Joy said.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows and had a teasing grin on his face. “Thinking about marriage already are you, my girl? I’m afraid that’s not going to happen for a long, long time. You’re only 7 years old.”

Joy snuggled into Gilbert and Gilbert wrapped his quilt around Joy. “I was only talking Papa. I’m just saying if I ever get married, I want to look like momma.”

Gilbert was looking at the picture of Ruby. “You will most certainly look like her munchkin. You will be just as beautiful. But I’m going to try and not think about you getting married just yet. You’re too young.”

Gilbert and Joy were silent for a few minutes. Both looking at the picture of Ruby, Gilbert’s eyes were getting misty and he quickly blinked to get the tears to go away. If Joy saw him crying, that would just make things worse.

“Papa, was it my fault momma died?” Joy softly asked.

Gilbert was so shocked at the question, he just stared at his daughter. Hardly believing what he had just heard, he cleared his throat quickly and turned Joy to face him so he can be at eye level with her.

Joy bit her lip and it was trembling. The tears were coming down. Gilbert wipes them away with his knuckles and lifted her chin up with his forefinger and then said, “What on earth are you talking little one? What got that question into your head?” Gilbert asked.

Joy bit her lip again. Gilbert put his thumb on her bottom lip and pulled it down so she wouldn’t do that.

“I-I heard that awful Nancy Samson say I was the one that killed momma when I was born. It was after Sunday School and Nancy, Stella, and Lydia were whispering and talking about me and how I was lucky you didn’t send me to an orphanage or send me to a relative’s house because I made momma die.” Joy was hyperventilating at this point and she was trying so hard not to cry.

Gilbert knew something was off with Joy as they were coming home from Church.

She wouldn’t talk about it no matter what Gilbert said to her, so he let the subject drop.

Gilbert hugged Joy so tight and his heart broke for her. Joy has had such a hard time being around other children with their mothers and she never once complained. What those girls said made Gilbert’s blood boil with rage. He was going to talk to them.

Gilbert was rubbing Joys’ back as she was trying hard not to cry. Unfortunately, the tears were coming down hard and fast and she clung to him.

“Oh, my sweet girl, it was not your fault that Momma died. She was so weak from the pregnancy and I had her on bed rest for most of it. Your momma wanted to have you, Joy. She knew the danger she was for having you. We both wanted you my sweet girl. We both knew the risks for your Momma. Her body was so tired after she had you, that she only lasted a few more hours after she had you and luckily a photographer was next door and I grabbed him and had him take a picture of us. I would never throw you out Joyce Blythe or blame you for your momma’s death. Please understand that child. I’m so sorry you had to listen to those awful girls. I’m going to talk to their parents. We are a family sweetheart. I’ll never abandon you.” Gilbert said.

[benoitblanc]

for the sleepover asks: 1) what did you think of the doctor who specials??? I thought dt and ct were amazing as usual and i’m super excited for the christmas special! & 2) top 5 fave books of the year? 💖

dw specials thoughts: wild blue yonder is the best thing dw has put out in YEARSSSSS and i'm so excited to rewatch with flatmate when we get back to our flat after christmas. i am so thrilled donna got a happy ending, but honestly, i'm just treating these specials as like fun little bonus adventures and not the actual ending to her story. i think i am well in the minority, but her original ending is just so deliciously tragic that i can't really reconcile the specials with it. it didn't have to happen how it did but at the same time it only could've ended that way. and i LOVE fifteen. based on all the clips we've gotten so far i'm so excited for his dynamic with ruby. they're going to be so chaotic. it's giving a mix of nine+rose and eleven+amy while also bringing something completely new

top five books i read this year:

nona the ninth by tamsyn muir

cloud cuckoo land by anthony doerr

the appeal by janice hallett

the blind assassin by margaret atwood

and a tie between piranesi by susanna clarke and murder your employer by rupert holmes

sleepover asks!!!

[ninja-muse]

I completely abandoned any pretense about reaching my yearly reading goal this December, but I did manage to read one TBR book per month and read 50 of the books I wanted to in 2022, so I’m counting the year as a win. And I got close to the goal, anyway, at least if you include the picture books. (I do not like to include the picture books.) This month also included surprise highlights, surprise disappointments, and not one, but two, history books, which I feel like I never do.

December also, obviously, included a book haul. I got a couple books I asked for for Christmas, a couple books that came from the “give everyone an essay about my tastes” wishlists, and The Atlas Six, which arrived at work too damaged to sell but is still perfectly readable and it had been recommended by a friend…. The highlight is Weirdos of the Universe Unite!, however. I read this at least three times as a kid, via the public library, and I’m pretty sure we can credit my love of urban fantasy to it. That one’s actually part of my birthday haul, but the postal system got in the way. Very excited to (hopefully) reread it in 2023!

The Mummy! - Jane C. Webb Louden A plan to resurrect a mummy somehow upends the monarchy and everyone’s love lives. Melodramatic satire on a grand scale. - Egyptian secondary character

Beneath Another Sky - Norman Davies A world tour of countries subsumed by the colonial West and the ways they’re rebuilding after. - diverse nations and peoples covered - warning: colonial mindsets 1491 - Charles C. Mann An examination of what is known about pre-contact life in the Americas, versus what has often been taught and believed. - Indigenous subject matter - warning: racists, genocide

The Great Believers - Rebecca Makkai Yale is trying for a bequest to his gallery while navigating a relationship and watching his friends die of AIDS. Thirty years later, Fiona is searching for her daughter and reckoning with how Yale’s friend-group has affected her life. - largely 🏳️‍🌈 cast, Jewish protagonist, Jewish secondary character, Black secondary character - warning: deaths from AIDS, period-typical homophobia, including apathy and hate crimes

Books and Libraries - Andrew Scrimgeour, ed. A collection of poetry dedicated to the love of books.

The World We Make - N.K. Jemisin The boroughs of New York thought they’d fought their biggest battle, but then a populist politician comes to town. - ensemble cast containing Black, Indigenous, Indian, Latina, and 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists, Black author, #ownvoices for Blackness

Don't Fear the Reaper - Stephen Graham Jones Jade Jennifer Daniels returns to Proofrock the week a serial killer escapes in a blizzard. Out in February. - Blackfoot protagonist, Indigenous secondary characters, Black secondary character, disabled secondary characters, Blackfoot author, #ownvoices for Blackfoot representation - warning: death, gore, animal death

Grumpy New Year - Katrina Moore with Xindi Yan (illustrator) Daisy’s going to China to visit her Yeh-Yeh for Lunar New Year! Daisy should have slept—but she didn’t. - Chinese cast

The Golden Spoon - Jessa Maxwell Six contestants, two hosts, one world-famous baking show. And a body. Out in March. - ensemble cast containing Black, Latina, neurodivergent, and 🏳️‍🌈 characters

Reread:

The Jolly Christmas Postman - Allan Ahlberg with Janet Ahlberg (illustrator) A postman delivers Christmas mail to the fairy tale and nursery rhyme residents of his village.

Currently reading:

A Killing In Costumes - Zac Bissonnette Jay and Cindy just got an offer that might save their movie memorabilia business. Unfortunately, their competitor has turned up dead and that might sink everything. - 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle Victorian detective stories - major disabled character
 - warning: colonialism, racism


Stats


Monthly total: 9
 Yearly total: 145 + 2
 Queer books: 1
 Authors of colour: 2
 Books by women: 5
 Canadian authors: 0
 Off the TBR shelves: 2
 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August September October November

[libertyreads]

July TBR--

This is going to be another month that is split between books for the Christmas in July TBR and a regular TBR. I only physically own three books for this month’s TBR while the rest will be coming from my Kindle, NetGalley, or the library. I’m excited for a few more Christmas books, but I’m most excited to see how I feel about a hyped new release AND one of my friend’s favorite books.

1. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzie Lee-- I picked up the first book in the Montague Siblings series on recommendation from a friend. I want to say it was about a year ago when I got is so it’s about time I actually read the thing. I’ve heard that it’s pirate-y as well as historical. We follow Monty as he embarks on a Grand Tour of Europe with his quest for a life filled with pleasure and vice. But his family has expectations of him--to take over the family’s estate upon his return. I don’t know a ton about this one and I kind of want to keep it that way until I get the chance to pick it up towards the middle of the month.

2. Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells-- The third novella in the Murderbot Diaries. I’m continuing my reread before the new one comes out later this year. We continue to follow Murderbot as it attempts to help the floundering case against GrayCris and avoid the questions about just where Dr. Mensah’s SecUnit has gone.

3. Starsight by Brandon Sanderson-- Another reread for the month. I’ll be reading the second book in the Skyward series. A lot of people didn’t like the fact that we are yet again following Spensa in a flight school, but I enjoyed the fact that the universe has expanded so much. Yes, we do see her in flight school with all new characters but the difference in species and the different political issues popping up were things I found to be so interesting. I’m looking forward to the reread.

4. Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros (Library)-- Enter the brutal and elite world of a war college for dragon riders. Twenty-year-old Violet Sorrengail was supposed to enter the Scribe Quadrant, living a quiet life among books and history. Now, the commanding general--also known as her tough-as-talons mother--has ordered Violet to join the hundreds of candidates striving to become the elite of Navarre: dragon riders. But when you’re smaller than everyone else and your body is brittle, death is only a heartbeat away. With fewer dragons willing to bond than cadets, most would kill Violet to better their own chances of success. She’ll need every edge her wits can give her just to see the next sunrise. This one is so hyped right now on the bookish spaces of the internet so I just gotta know what I’ll think of this one.

5. Between Us by Mhairi McFarlane (NetGalley)-- Roisin and her boyfriend Joe join their friends for a weekend away to celebrate a birthday, an engagement, and the launch of Joe’s new TV show. But tension starts to rise when they watch the first episode of Joe’s new drama and she realizes that the private things she told him--which should have stayed between them--are right there on the screen. With her friend group in chaos, and newly single, Roisin returns home to avoid the unwanted attention. While there an old friend becomes the shoulder she can lean on.

6. Snowflakes and Sparks by Sophie-Leigh Robbins (Kindle)-- Suzie is an L.A. girl who gets volunteered to help keep a small town bookstore going after the manger dies. When she makes a return to Old Pine Cove ten years after her embarrassing exit, Suzie comes face to face with the one person she never wanted to see again. But Alex is a cute, charming, baking yoga instructor living right next door. Will old sparks fly again? Or will Suzie be overwhelmed by her past?

7. Lovelight Farms by B.K. Borison (Kindle)-- Stella enters a contest to try to save the Christmas tree farm she’s loved since she was a kid. But in order to make the farm seem like a romantic destination for the holidays she lied on her application and said she owned the farm with her boyfriend. Enter best friend Luka. Fake dating around the holidays? I’m so here for it.

8. The Christmas Wager by Holly Cassidy (NetGalley)-- This book is pitched as an enemies-to-lovers holiday rom-com set in a quaint town about a city girl and a small-town boy competing in the town’s annual holiday games. This one sounds so cute and I’m so prepared to find another favorite NetGalley Christmas in July ARC. It’s three years running of loving NetGalley ARCs about Christmas romances. Let’s do it again.

9. The Christmas Murder Game by Alexandra Benedict (Library)-- Last year I read a murder mystery centered around Christmas for the final book of Christmas in July and I plan on doing that again. This one is centered around a moneyed family who has an unsolved murder in their past which has outcasted the murdered family member’s child. The annual Christmas Game is afoot at Endgame House and Lily Armitage has no interest in attending. Until she receives a letter from her aunt promising that this year’s riddles will give her not only the keys to Endgame but also to the identity of her mother’s murderer. 

[forabeatofadrum]

The first El WooWoo of the year! And as the banner says, I’m still reading instead of writing. So here we go. Buckle up, Klainers and ... Snovians (???? is there a name for Snowbaz shippers? This is just Simon. Snowbazzians?) (What would you call Baz fans? Bazzies?).

I am really enjoying these fic rec posts, more than I thought. It also motivates me to read more, which is a win-win. I do have some ideas for Ljubim te again, so I think I’ll start writing them soon. But maybe I will make a separate post for fics, aside from Wip Wednesday and Six Sentence Sunday? Fic Rec Friday?

ANYWAY, buckle up, it’s a long post, so the entire rec + tags will be under cut today!

Some non-fic recs first. Some? One, actually. I am rereading my Kickstarter books for Check, Please! in preparation for the delivery of the Year 4 Kickstarter. I... uh... asked the shipping costs for that campaign as a Christmas gift. But God yeah, I love this webcomic so much. Time to get back to the SMH (Samwell Meme’s Hockey Team).

Up to the fics!

@martsonmars wrote a fic about “consensual biting” between 6 years old: Love Bite. It’s adorable. I love how silly kids can be. And I am a bitch for fics where Lucy lives 😭!

I am catching up on The Rise and Fall of Simon Snow by @confused-bi-queer. I last read chapter 5, and [Jason Mendoza voice] oh Simon and Baz, we’re really in it now. I am upsetti spaghetti.

I am still riding the angst train right into Is It Over Yet? by @jayne89. God I really wish Carmen was actually this good, instead of a plot device for Rachel’s.... uhm... questionable storylines. Really excited for more of this verse.

God, I am really going through it, huh? @thnxforknowingme wrote a 2022 fic in review where she mentioned True Colors, a character study of Quinn between season 2 and 3, and I like the premise. I really enjoyed it. Damn, skank!Quinn had so much potential, but RIB just had to do the wack baby storyline.

This isn’t Jenna’s only fic that I have read. I finally, finally read Miles To Go, and I know a fic this wonderful should have a long and coherent comment, but I am just speechless. So utterly speechless. I started it when it was originally posted, but I had just lost my grandmother and yeah it was the wrong time. Now, we got the message that it’s time for my uncle to collect her ashes. Weird way to go back to a fic, but that’s what happened, and this fic tugged at my heartstrings. I definitely recommend it to everyone.

Also, more Jenna stuff, but insert the Chris Fleming meme here. Was no one ever going to tell me that Jenna has written Hades fic, or was I just supposed to find out by browsing through her AO3 by myself? Aíma.... YOOOO. The relation between Zaggie and blood? Jenna, your mind!

More sad shit? More sad shit! @wellbelesbian really made me say FUCK THE MAGE with the latest chapter of blow on the tinder. Guys, this is such a good fic. Alex, I am so glad you’re continuing it!

Okay, okay, whooo, time out with the angst. @redheadgleek‘s Pierce My Soul is a fluffy gem and I am a bitch for costume crew!Kurt. Although he got promoted here and he designed the costumes, including Blaine’s. There are so many great gems in this fic, but I lost it at Brad Ellis being the piano man. And when the fic mirrored dialogue from the show.... my heart!

I definitely boarded the fluff train now. I saw @letraspal‘s art for @skeedelvee‘s Drunken Kisses. I am all 🥺🥺🥺🥺 about this fic. Simon “He Is Plotting” Snow is amazing. Mix it with Baz “Gay Yearning” Pitch and voila!

@facewithoutheart delves into Simon’s sad childhood, but in a fluffy way, in What I Wouldn’t Give. Simon gets his first plushie and we all cry. I am such a bitch for this concept and Christina helpfully linked to another one, namely to @lifewithoutmotivation​‘s Flamey. I am just overwhelmed on Simon’s behalf! This guy deserves all the gifts and birthday parties! (Also, congrats on the new URL!)

And we’re going to end this rec post with more holiday cheers from the holiday queers (really, did anyone watch The New Normal?) with @1908jmd​‘s Klaine Advent 2022 - With their favourite people. Jen did a true drabble challenge and all the snippets are about the people in Kurt and Blaine’s lives and look I just got very emo over it.

If you’ve already been tagged in a rec, consider that a tag for WIP Wednesday (or Six Sentence Sunday). Also tagging @quizasvivamos @crissmastrees-and-candyklaines @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla​ @artsyunderstudy​  

[fellfirst-fellharder-fight]

hi, hope it’s not too much trouble, i just thought it’d be fun if before the bracket actually starts you posted your fav/s submissions for each pairing? so there’s more of a basis for voting for people not in some fandoms. thanks for doing this poll it looks like it’ll be a lot of fun!

ooh i was saving the propaganda for later in the actual polls but here's some for the ones that are losing BADLY (from the screenshots my friend sent me.

Terry/Korvo

Omg where to even begin. SPOILERS for all 4 currently released seasons ahead! So, in season 1 there's like, mostly just hints, right? And sure, there's a certain Tension™ but it's mostly played for laughs. And yes, they hate each other a bit but y'know. Personally I think Terry had feelings for Korvo even before season 1 but you can argue about that. Then, in season 2, they share some genuine feelings, they kiss and Korvo horrifically tortures Terry though time travel. In that order. They're quirky <3 Then in the Christmas special there's more emotions and kissing and also, btw, at some point we got word of god confirmation they *were* in fact in a romantic relationship by the end of season 2. Again, personal opinion, but I'm not sure Korvo was like, thoroughly in love by that point but we're certain he is by now. And then in season 3, more and more genuine emotions are shared and while technically they were posing as married the entire time, we now see Terry call Korvo his husband and mean it (after Korvo got jealous of Terry's "[standing in] line husband") but the real fun begins in season 4! That's when they really start acting like a couple and we get to see that both of them genuinely care for each other and also are attracted to each other. Oh, and they fuck on screen. They're invisible during it but they totally fuck on screen. More jealous Korvo in the finale, too, but unfounded as we learned Terry has stopped hooking up with strangers for Korvo's sake. Also, during this season we see them spooning in their sleep and it's. So gosh darn cute. And like... season 5 is already ordered. We're getting new Tervo content, probably sometime next year. And it's gonna be amazing!!!

Penelope Featherington/Colin Bridgerton:

Penelope has a long-standing crush on Colin, who views her as just-a-friend for a long time. In the show, Colin loudly tells a group of male peers who mock him for “courting her” that he would never court her in their wildest dreams, and Penelope overhears. Heartbroken, she will try to find a different suitor in the next season. But Colin will eventually fall hard for her, finding out her secret ID as Lady Whistledown, trying to protect her despite the fact that she doesn’t need it, and realizing that he has crazy levels of pent-up lust for her. They are a classic fell first/fell harder ship that is absolutely essential representation for fat women like myself. I’m counting down the days to season 3 and Penelope/Colin was the first book I read of the series because I’m so excited!

Kokoro Aichi AKA Heartful Punch/Undine Wells AKA Alchemical Water

So my Girl Kokoro has a lot of pride, she hates being seen as weak bc of her daddy and mommy issues and because of that hates it when people call her by her real name and tends to prefer to just go by HP in honor of her magical girl title, but within like TWO days of knowing Undine and hearing her call her HP she was just like '...you can call me Kokoro' and then Undine does just that all of HP's friends go absolutely bananas quoting it as 'the forbidden name' and then react even more dramatically when Kokoro just sort of rolls with it. Girl's had it bad since this waterbender pretty girl first tidal waved into her life Meanwhile Undine, whom as a magical girl struggles to kill monsters on her own since her powers are more 'support class' as it is, she's not super strong on her own, kills a HUGE monster in basically one shot when Kokoro is threatened to nearly get swallowed by it, turning her water into essentially a jet cutter. she often has dreams about Kokoro, though only realized she had feelings for her during that noted save, she's ALWAYS worried that just by being around her she's putting a target on her back (bc she's the main character so the bad guys are gunning for her) she seems really chill most of the time bc she's just a really reserved girl but like this girl can and will commit murder to keep her pink gf safe and like- they're canonically super gay end of chapter 15 they kiss for the first time it's great

Luke/Zander:

Luke fell first. Zander fell harder. They so cute (AND CANON) uhmmmmmm I can't right now I have to go fast but uh bye (WATCH THE MUSIC FREAKS ITS SO GOOD)

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/27/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

1 Thessalonians 1-5 and 2 Thessalonians 1-3 

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. Today is the 27th day of November. Welcome. So great to be here with you. Today is like the... I guess the was going to say the first day of being 25, but technically, yesterday was the first day. Yesterday was my birthday. Got to celebrate. And it was a very fun day. And it's crazy to be 25. This is the first year, and I'm like, okay, this is feeling old. I only have five more years in my 20s left. But honestly, it's been a great year. This has been one of my favorite years of life, and it's been very stretching, very convicting, very joyful, and just really filled with so many blessings, honestly, more blessings than hardships. And I'm really thankful for just another year that the Lord has given me and a year of health and family and all things. So I'm just really thankful and thank you for all of the birthday wishes. So today is also the first day of Advent. We recognize and we celebrate Advent as the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior, his birth. And so today we light the candle. This is the week of hope. And so this is where we're at in Advent. We are officially in the Christmas season, the Christmas space. And so this week, there's four weeks of Advent, and this is the week of hope. And so if you have an Advent candle like I do at my house, it's sitting on my dining room table. You like the candle of hope. And so I'm excited. Tonight, Ben and my daughter Reagan and I will come around and just kind of do some exercises, I guess, of hope. What are you hoping for? Like, what has hope really looked like in your life? And just kind of reflecting together and just remembering that hope outside of Jesus doesn't exist. Hope outside of the cross doesn't exist. And so realizing that Jesus is the center of our hope. And so as you go through your week this week, may you truly be centered and rooted in hope. And if you feel like, man, I don't even know what hope is. My hope is lost. It's gone, she's left the building. Anything of that sort, may you understand that truly hope cannot be lost. Truly, we cannot be without hope. The Bible talks about hope being deferred makes the heart sick. And so if your heart is feeling sick, then let's evaluate where your hope is, your hope and the risen Savior. And so without hope, we just have a cool story. And without hope, that wouldn't mean that if we were to truly be without hope, and that would mean that Resurrection Sunday didn't come, that Jesus didn't do what he said he was going to do, but that's not the case. This is the good news, that he has risen, and that is our hope. And so may you truly be just centered and aligned with that truth today and throughout this week. So today we are jumping in the book of Thessalonians. We are in chapter sorry, first Thessalonians with chapters one through five. And we are also going to be in 2 Thessalonians with chapters one through three. And we are going to switch up the translation. Since it's a new week, we're going to be in the Voice translation and I'm excited to finish off the rest of the month of November together this week.

Commentary:

So here we are reading two different letters from Paul and from Silvanus, which in the footnotes of today's reading, it says Silvanus is better known in Acts as Silas. So it's Paul and Silas here. And mainly Paul writing to Thessalonica and really these are sweet letters, letters of affirmation, letters of, hey, we're actually bragging about you guys to our inner circles and to even people that we're just around and that's some high affirmation. I'm a big person of words of affirmation, that is for sure my top love language. And so to hear you guys are doing a really great job, even in the midst of persecution, you have maintained to follow the Lord, like, yes, this is great job well done, or just well done. That's really sweet and that's a good word. I feel like we all we need to hear that. Sometimes I find myself in my marriage just kind of being like, hey, I am wanting, you know, just can we just have like a time where we are just affirming each other? We have just a moment where we're kind of going back and forth and pointing out the good things that we've seen each other. Because I think sometimes when you hear kind of like snippy parts from anyone, whether it be your spouse or someone at your workplace or maybe a parent or a sibling coworker, like, fill in the blank after a while you're kind of like, man, like, what's going on now? I have something nice being said over here. And so I do believe that the Bible is true. And it says we hold the power of life and death in our tongues. So just to be intentional, to create a space of, hey, I just want to speak live over me real quick. That was something a couple weeks ago at church they had spoken of, but they were doing I think their staff was doing an exercise at a conference that they had where the wives just spoke identity and affirmation over their husbands. And then the husband spoke affirmation and identity over their wives. And Ben and I weren't a part of that, but I was like, man, we should do that. Just have a space where it's intentional and you're just really sitting and thinking of things that you see, but then also asking, holy Spirit, what do you have to say about this person? And it can be your child. And I've tried to be more intentional about really calling out the good things and who we're seeing Reagan becoming and just trying to do it with each other, because I think I'm just speaking marriage wise for a second. So if you're not married, take this and apply it to where it feels like it fits. But I feel like with marriage, it's so easy. Ben and I both work from home, so we're around each other all the time. And I've had so many people say, like, how could you do that? And I'm like, well, we just do it. I don't know. He's my best friend. I don't get sick of him. And also, I'm an introvert, so if I need time by myself, I don't really ask for it. I just go and do it. I know how to really reserve my energy. But anyways, I feel like it can be really easy to just be like, hey, I need this, or like, I need you to do this, or do you just kind of like, without realizing it, can get tempted to fall into, like, a snippy attitude. And I think I really struggle with that sometimes. And so just having a moment to be like, hey, actually, I want to take responsibility of this. I'd like to apologize, make amends. Have I really hurt you? Have I hurt your feelings? Has my tone been off? I want to apologize and just say I'm sorry for that. I'm going to work on that. I'm going to do better. And then also just to have a time of affirmation. And so that was the overall theme that I was hearing from Paul today. And I feel like some letters can be very like, what are you doing with your life? And those are necessary. Like, everything that he says in those scenarios are necessary and good and stingy. And the ones that are speaking affirmation, speaking life, those are the ones that the feel good messages, right? And they kind of give you that little to keep going. And I love that Paul is really writing to encourage, to edify, to uplift the body of Christ here and so apply this into whatever realm applies to you that you can relate to. But I also just want to encourage you to have that moment with your spouse, to just say, hey, I was listening to the podcast today, and I think it would be really helpful if we just, like, prayed and took some time to uplift each other and edify and just kind of see what that changes in your marriage. Like, if that changes the atmosphere, that changes the trajectory of your day. And don't just do it once. Do it make set a reminder on your phone like, hey, maybe if you need it once a week, once a month. We're just trying to be intentional about it. That's something that Ben and I try to do. Three things that you are seeing in the other person that you just want to call out and uplift, what are three things that you think the other person can kind of work on and we're not hurting each other's feelings of anything. It's like, yeah, I see that too, or, wow, I didn't think about it that way. And it's set in love. And so when you're doing it with something that I am constantly praying, whether it's I'm speaking to my husband, speaking to my daughter in a friend conversation, like, any time that I can think of it, I'm praying, holy Spirit, would you stand gone over my mouth? One, so I don't say something I don't need to say, but two, so I can say the things that you wanted me to say. And I feel like that is how Paul approached today's letter. And so we're going to pray, but I also just encourage you to just take some time and invite your spouse into a moment like that and just watch what it changes for you. 

Prayer:

So, Holy Spirit, I thank you that you have been present for so long, all of our days, that, you know, all of our days, you've seen us in every moment. And I just thank you for Your goodness that follows us, and I thank you for what Paul prayed, that the goodness and grace and mercy of Jesus Christ would be with us. And so I speak that over our homes. God, I pray for Your peace and for Your grace and Your mercy to saturate each and every single one of these people who are listening today with their homes, God, especially out of one holiday season and into the next one, would may this be a peaceful time. And God, I pray that peace and joy and mercy and grace would be just flooded in their homes, where there's a moment where frustration could be chosen in anger or unkind words could be tempted. God, I pray that actually we'd be ready and excited to extend grace and excited to extend mercy, and that we would be asking, Holy Spirit, for you to stand guard over our mouth, over our minds, over our actions, just over our days. Would you be the author of our days? Would you show us really where you want us to go, where you want us to be, what you want us to operate in? And I just thank you that when we invite you, you are already there. You're just waiting to be invited. And I thank you, God, for your closeness and your nearness. I thank you that when we seek you, we find you, and it is in Your name we pray. Amen.

Community Prayer Line:

Good morning, DABC family. I am Stephanie from Florida and I'd like to call in a prayer request for my family, particularly my son, who I have not heard from in a while. We've reached out to him several times and he has not responded. We've gone through this a couple of times in his 36 years of being here on this earth, but I just pray and ask that you would join with me that the Lord would, as he has done in times before. Prick his heart for him to call and just check in with us. We love him tremendously. He knows that he is loved, but he doesn't know Jesus Christ in the manner in which he should. So I'm also praying for complete salvation in his life. I just want to say this is my first time calling in a prayer request. I love this community. I get excited to hear from Jill, I get excited to hear from China, and I get excited when their commentary in the Word of God lines up with areas of my life that God is dealing with me. So again, I thank you all so much. I'm praying for all of you. I pray for you daily. And this is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me in this life. Again, blessings and love to each and every one of you.

Hey, DAB, this is Tom in Michigan. I left a message yesterday about my cousin being a car accident. I just wanted to give the good news that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. I didn't have much information yesterday other than that it was a serious accident, but it sounds like she's okay. She hurt her shoulder, I think. I don't even have all the details straight. A broken shoulder, all things that should hopefully heal in good time. But I truly feel.

[heavyasafeather]

2022

1. What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before? Portraiture? If that counts. Also, I've gotten into like... Not gardening, but growing things? Like I bought a bunch of flower growing kits. I also randomly got curious about playing with slime.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never make any resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? If my office manager counts.

4. Did anyone close to you die? --

5. What countries did you visit? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022? Joji.

7. What date from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

June 9: I saw Dan Rossen at the Cashbah. July 6: I saw Fleet Foxes at Cal Coast. Aug 20, 21: HITC 4.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I think how much more I tried to get into photography or break out of my shell.  I tend to just stick to still life/flowers, and had always avoided portraits and the such.  But I did a couple “photoshoots” like for my office manager’s baby shower, and a cousin’s grad photos, and all the praise I got made me feel great.

I also managed to grow a mini rose from one of the kits I bought from Five Below. I was just gifted a couple more kits for Christmas, and I'm excited.

9. What was your biggest failure? Being alive.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had COVID in earlier January.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Literally, any ticket to any concert. The Dreamfx lens filters for my camera. And the Buzzy seeds growing kits. And funnily, this strawberry scented slime.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? ?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? There was a thing with my coworker, but I think it was mostly miscommunication, and we got over it after we talked it out.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills. Clothes, I suppose.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Mostly Joji. And growing some fucking flowers.

16. What song will always remind you of 2022? There’s a lot actually: Joji, “Die For You”

Andrew Bird, “Underlands”

Daniel Rossen, “I’ll Wait For Your Visit”

Mei Ehara , “不確か”

Mom Jeans., “What's Up?"

Ruby Haunt, “Crave”

Toledo, “Fixing Up the Backroom”

Tim Bernardes, “BB (Garupa de Moto Amarela)”

Vision Video, “In My Side”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier, maybe. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. iii. richer or poorer? I mean, technically richer, but…

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Skating.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Going to work.  Caring

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve, I watched Avatar 2 with Adam and then opened presents with him and his dad. Christmas day, I went home and my parents weren't doing shit because they were fighting I guess, but I mostly remember trying to get food with my dad that we ended up going to Jack in the Box for dinner because nothing else was open.

21. Did you fall in love in 2022? With anyone new? No.

22. How will you be spending New Years? I’ve only just realized for the last few years after I first started doing these, that this question had been erased. I spent most of New Years at Adam’s, and we binge watched House of the Dragon.

23. How many one-night stands? 0.

24. What was your favourite TV program? Orville!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Is it hate that I feel? I definitely bounce between not giving a shit about them and wishing that there was still a friendship. It definitely feels like there isn't anymore, and it makes me feel angry that I feel like I've extended my hand more times than they have in the last few years. And then I remember all the times I felt like they never really have a fuck about me in the first place, and I get angrier, so... yeah, maybe.

26. What was the best book you read? I don’t know about “best,” but I started reading Jane Eyre, and restarted The Sorcerer’s Stone.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? .

28. What did you want and get? Joji tickets to the Forum next year.

29. What did you want and not get? Probably better seats to Joji, but I’m still in a better section that I expected.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? Dinner in America. Or Top Gun, maybe? The Banshees of Inisherin.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31. I went to work, then went to Cheesecake factor for dinner with my parents and Adam.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying? More Joji, seriously.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022? Scrubs. And because of my Stitch Fix subscription, a lot of floral dresses... And more Joji merch.

34. What kept you sane? Literally, just listening to Joji.  And naps.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Seriously?

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Eh.

37. Who did you miss? Literally, everybody...

38. Who was the best new person you met? No one's really standing out to me.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022: –

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Deep red, seething anger, it is natural, all too familiar. That legacy is yours and mine to own, that's you and me.”

[little-moonbeam-666]

Fatal Chemistry *Part 1*

Warnings: SMUT, fingering, masturbation

Word count: 4200

Pairing: Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive) x Camgirl!Reader

Adam stared at Ian in disbelief, as if he had misheard his friend.

“Excuse me?”

“Listen, man, Y/N is great. She’ll be moving here in about a week and I promised her I’d find her a room to rent somewhere.”

Adam sighed, becoming annoyed. Why couldn’t Ian have asked him for anything else? ANYTHING but this.

“Who is she to you?” he asked, an edge to his voice.

“Y/N is an old friend of mine from school. She’s like a little sister to me. Man, I promise you she wouldn’t be any trouble. She’s clean, she’s quiet, hell… her favorite activity is reading and writing. She’s quieter than a church mouse. You’d hardly even be able to tell she was here. And money’s not a problem, whatever you want, she can pay it. She’s self-employed. But she knows that renting a whole apartment to herself would be way more expensive than renting a room from someone. Just know I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate.”

Adam was at a stand still. Almost everything in him wanted to scream ‘No!’ and be done with it, but there was a small sliver of… something… that was telling Adam to give this girl a shot to prove to him that not all zombies were horrible. If she was anything like Ian, maybe he could tolerate her.

After all, since Eve had died a few years ago, he had been rather lonely with nobody to talk to. He had nobody to share his ideas or interests with. He was alone. Besides Ian, who always had a positive word to say.

“What does she do for work?” Adam questioned further.

“She’s uh…. Well…” Ian stammered. “She’s a… sex worker… of sorts. A cam girl. Like she does live shows that people pay to watch. But I swear she wouldn’t bother you at all.”

Adam felt as if he may come to regret the decision he was about to make, but fuck it.

“Fine. She can rent a room here. But she better be as clean and quiet as you say she is. I don’t require much for rent, so tell her $350 a month and the room is hers.”

Ians face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Adam, thank you so much. Y/N will be so excited to know I found her a place.”

“Don’t mention it.” Adam said, no expression in his voice whatsoever. “So what day will she be here?”

“She’ll be here next Monday. Probably later in the evening ‘cause she booked an afternoon flight.”

“Great. I’ll have the room ready for her.”

“Again, Adam, thank you. I’m gonna head home so I can give Y/N a call and let her know the good news.”

Adam didn’t say another word as Ian headed out the door. Now he had plenty of time to clear out the instruments and boxes of vinyl records from the spare bedroom that he planned on letting you use.

He got up from the couch and made his way down the hall to the spare bedroom, right next door to his own, and slowly pushed the door open. He grumbled to himself, seeing the piles of vinyl records that he needed to relocate. He grumbled out a sigh along with a few choice curse words and got to work.

Meanwhile in Montana, you had just gotten off the phone with Ian after he had told you that he had found you a room to rent. And also that the guy who you’d be moving in with was a friend of his.

Ian’s description of Adam was a bit vague and you couldn’t tell too much from it. Ian described him as introverted, a musician, and a man of few words. Not much to go off. Definitely not enough to conjure up a decent assumption about the man.

You were too excited to sleep so you decided to pack up the rest of your things, which in all honesty wasn’t a lot. Just some books and clothes.

Getting up from your bed, you headed over to your dresser to begin packing up your socks, bras, and panties. And let's be honest,  you had A LOT of bras and panties due to your line of work. And you weren’t ashamed of it either. You loved your job. You got to pick your own hours, it gave you an excuse to buy cute lingerie, and the payout was great.

Your next show wasn’t scheduled for another 2 weeks, giving you time to get moved and settled into your new place. And you prayed that Adam didn’t mind your line of work or living with him might be a bit awkward. Maybe he’d actually like what you do and want to be a part of it.

That was your last thought before you realized you had several empty drawers and all the previous contents of them folded neatly on your bed, ready to be put in an empty box. You smiled at a job well done, deciding it was late and that you needed to head to bed.

The next Monday came before you knew it. That day you had managed to tie up any loose ends you had in Montana and by late afternoon you were at the airport with your several suitcases of belongings. Detroit was only a few hours away!

The flight was quiet and gave you time to relax and really think about the fact that you had a new home now. Now that you thought about it, you really didn’t know all that much about Adam. Ian gave you the bare minimum information and told you that he trusted him and apparently at the time, that was good enough for you.

Your thoughts were still racing as you got off the plane and gathered your suitcases. You were nervous and excited and honestly just ready to meet your new room mate.

The lights of Detroit were a blur as a cab drove you past downtown, so far out that there were hardly any lights. Most of the houses looked abandoned, and the ones that had lights on weren’t very well kept.

Well, Ian did warn you that it was out of the way and your neighborhood was quiet.

The cab finally came to a stop in front of a large house, dim lights shining from the inside. You double checked the address on your phone and matched it with the metal numbers on by the front door. This was it. Your new home.

You quickly paid the driver and grabbed your bags from the trunk and watched the cab turn around and drive back towards town.

When you turned back to the house, you had time to really take it in. It was old and falling apart, but you could tell it had character. The yard was a bit overgrown and it looked like there was a privacy fence around the back.

A sudden movement caught your eye, causing you to look up. The silhouette of a man stood in the window of the 2nd floor. He quickly disappeared once he saw you.

You grabbed your things and made your way to the front door. Before you even had a chance to knock, the door swung open revealing the most gorgeous man you had ever seen. This must be Adam. He was barefoot, wearing black skinny jeans and an ancient maroon colored robe that hung open, revealing his pale chest and stomach. You had to keep yourself from staring too long.

“Hi, you must be Adam. I’m Y/N.” You said, giving him a small smile.

“Come in.” he said quietly, reaching to take 2 of your heavy suitcases, bringing them into the house like they weighed nothing. 

You grabbed your remaining suitcase and followed him inside and shut the door. He didn’t say another word and made his way up the stairs with your things, so you followed. You had to watch your step once you made it upstairs, boxes of what looked like antiques, books, and records lined the halls. You followed Adam to a room at the end of the hallway before he set your things down and turned to you.

“This is your room. Bathroom is down the hall to the right. Kitchen is downstairs. It’s not stocked, so you’ll have to fend for yourself.” he stated simply. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Thank you.” you said, giving him a smile. He just gave you a nod before turning and walking away. 

You made your way into the room, noting that it was larger than your old bedroom. And there was a king size bed which was also nice. It would work well for your shows. Your walls were a dark navy blue wallpaper, patterned with golden floral designs which you admired greatly. You would have to properly thank Adam for letting you live here with him.

You moved your suitcases to one side of the room by the huge ancient looking dresser and decided to go find Adam. As soon as you stepped out into the hall you could hear the sound of a violin echoing through the house. You toed off your shoes, kicking them into your room before following the pretty sounds. 

Eventually you found what looked to be like a makeshift living room, littered with wires and cables running across the floor and instruments everywhere. Adam stood at one side of the room, facing away from you, the violin placed under his chin as he played. You leaned gently against the door frame, listening to the sad, haunting sounds coming from the instrument. After a few minutes of listening in awe, the music stopped. He didn’t turn around, but he spoke.

“It’s not finished yet. Can’t seem to find the right way to end it.” he said.

“Well it’s beautiful. I loved it.” you said, making your way over to the curved pink couch in the middle of the room.

You watched as Adam silently put the violin back in it’s case. He came over and sat on the opposite end of the couch, as far away from you as he possibly could, not saying a word. The silence practically echoed in your ears but it gave you a good chance to really look at him. 

His wild black hair, his perfectly straight nose, chiseled cheekbones. His eyes were stunning. They were a golden yellowish green color in the right light. Your gaze wandered to his slender neck down the hard planes of his chest and stomach, exposed by his robe hanging wide open on either side of him. Your stare lingered on his abs and the trail of dark hair that led down into his pants. You could feel your heart beat faster at the naughty thoughts that popped into your head.

Adam chuckled to himself, catching your attention.

“Thank you, Adam.” you said quietly, hoping to drop the fact that he’d just caught you openly gawking at him.

He turned his head to look at you.

“For what?”

“For letting me live here. I really appreciate it.” you clarified. He nodded in understanding.

“Yeah. Ian likes you, so I figured you couldn’t be that bad.”

“I promise I won’t be any trouble to you.” you said sincerely. He didn’t say anything, so you decided it would be best to go back to your room and unpack.

You got up, bidding Adam goodnight. All you got in response was another nod of his head.

2 weeks passed and you and Adam grew closer. He grew to trust you. There were some deep intellectual late night conversations. And sometimes you’d stay up a little later to listen to him play something on one of the many instruments he owned. The two of you had formed a bond. He was a man of few words but you appreciated that. You could just co exist and nothing had to be said.

It was finally time for your first show since moving. You moved around your room, grabbing anything you might need.

Your outfit for the night was a black velvet set with lace trim and a black silk robe to go overtop.

Looking at yourself in your vanity mirror, you smiled as you applied a coat of clear lipgloss over the nude pink lipstick you wore. You were finally ready.

Meanwhile in the room next to yours, Adam could hear you greeting your viewers as you went live. This was your first show since moving in so he had never heard you before. His vampire hearing allowed him to hear everything you were saying and doing as if you were in the room with him.

As your words became more explicit, he managed to mentally block you out. And he was able to keep that block up for a while and focus on the book he was attempting to read. Until he heard it. A long, strung out, pornographic moan accompanied by the buzzing of a vibrator. His cock jumped at the sound. He’d be lying if he said he’d never thought about you. You were breathtakingly beautiful, even for a zombie.

 Adam hated that he may just be developing feelings for you. You were always so enthusiastic about the music he made. He loved the way you’d sway along to whatever song he was playing, a smile on your face. Your laugh when he’d make a joke sounded so bright. He hated these feelings and thoughts about you. He was a vampire and you were a zombie. It would never work.

Your voice caught him off guard. You were talking to your viewers… about him. And your words were far from innocent.

“My new roommate is so fucking hot… Oh fuck! God, when I watch him play guitar all I can think about is his long fingers and how I bet he could finger me so good. Mmmm and don’t get me started on those tight ass skinny jeans he wears. Literally doesn’t leave anything to the imagination, his cock has to be huge. Oh god, and he has no clue that I touch myself every night wishing he was fucking me. Fuck, I wish he was fucking me right now.”

Adam couldn’t believe what he’d just heard you say. You really thought about him like that? You wanted him just as bad as he wanted you? He had to do something about it… right now. He could hear your moans and whimpers rising in pitch and he knew you were close.

He got up, wearing nothing but his skinny jeans, and made his way to stand in front of your bedroom door. Was he really about to come into your room while you were on live? He thought about it for a second and decided it was now or never.

He slowly pushed your door open, revealing the most gorgeous sight he’d ever seen in his 500 years.

Your laptop was placed on a stand at the foot of your bed, letting your viewers see everything. You were sprawled out on your bed with your head thrown back, your hair a halo around your head, and your legs spread wide giving Adam the perfect view. Your panties were pulled to the side, giving you access to your most intimate parts and the cups of your bralette were pulled down, letting your breasts become exposed. One of your hands held a vibrator directly on your clit and the other was pinching at one of your nipples.

Adam wanted so badly to walk over to you and please you himself, but you were still on live. So he opted to just lean against the door frame and enjoy the show. And by the desperate sounds spilling from your lips, you wouldn’t last much longer.

“Oh fuck, I’m so close.” you moaned, your eyes squeezed shut and your hips bucking wildly against the vibrator.

Adam gently cleared his throat, just loud enough for you to hear. Your head snapped up and you looked directly at him, eyes wide in shock. You were about to pull your hands away from your body but he shook his head ‘no’ at you and gave you a reassuring smile, silently telling you to continue.

You glanced at your computer, noting the comments section was now filled with questions about what just happened. You smiled and leaned back again, pressing the vibrator harder against  your clit, moving it in circles.

“Oh my god, guys, my roommate literally just walked in and he’s watching me from my doorway. Fuck, I bet he heard me talking about him.” you moaned out, looking at Adam. He smirked and reached a hand down to rub at the bulge in his pants.

“Oh fuck, I need to cum!” you squealed, rubbing the vibrator vigorously against your aching clit. You glanced at Adam, wanting his permission. He nodded his head and mouthed the word ‘cum’. 

Your orgasm washed over you, making your legs shake violently and your eyes roll back. You turned off your vibrator and tossed it to the side. You could feel the sheets beneath your ass were sopping wet. Your eyes went wide as you realized what just happened. You fucking squirted. You had never managed to do that before. You wanted to be embarrassed but you were too exhausted. 

You sat up and made a show of  keeping your legs spread so everyone could see your puffy glistening folds.

Holy fuck, Adam had never been so turned on. He waited for you to bid your goodbyes to your viewers and shut your laptop before approaching you.

“Adam, I’m so sorry, I never meant for-” you started, but you were cut off by Adam’s lips on yours, silencing you. You smiled into the kiss before he gently pulled away.

“No apologies, love. Let’s get you cleaned up and ready for bed.” he said gently before leaving your room and heading to the bathroom.

The sound of the water running while he was in the bathroom gave you a moment to process what just happened. Adam had heard you. He came over to your room. And he watched you masturbate while thinking about him. And you enjoyed every second of it. Holy shit.

Adam came back a moment later with a warm damp washcloth.

“Lay back.” he said, barely above a whisper.

You did as he said and laid back on your pillows. You watched as he gently pulled your panties down your legs and then used the washcloth to wipe off your inner thighs, moving his way up to your now very sensitive pussy. You spread your legs a little to give him more room. You didn’t miss the smirk on his face as you did so.

He gently wiped the remnants of your orgasm from your skin, the washcloth nudging against your over sensitive clit, making your hips jolt from the contact.

“Mmm Adam.” you gently moaned, spreading your legs a little further apart, your lower lips separating on their own and exposing your still swollen clit. You knew you would be overstimulated but you didn’t care.

“We shouldn’t. You’re too sensitive to actually take me right now. But if you want, I can give you one more. But you have to promise me you’ll get some rest afterwards.”

You nodded vigorously, your eyes wide with lust as you watched Adam set the washcloth down on your night stand. You could feel yourself becoming slick again at the thought of Adam making you cum. Your mind was too clouded with lust to think about the consequences.

“Bra off, love.” he ordered and you quickly complied before laying back down.

Adam got on the bed next to you, laying down on his side so he could watch your face as he pleasured you. He lifted his hand and gently placed it on your breast, gently squeezing before letting his middle finger slowly rub over the hardened tip, making you whimper.

“That’s it, baby. Just relax for me.” he whispered in your ear, leaning down to kiss at your neck. You heard him inhale deeply before he let out a feral sounding growl.

“Adam, please!” you begged as he pinched your nipple, rolling it between his fingers. The sensation sent jolts straight to your throbbing cunt.

“What do you want, Y/N? You have to use your words.” he said, continuing to abuse your sore nipple before switching to the other.

“Fuck, I want…. Ohhhh….. I want you to play with my pussy.” you said, making Adam smile.

“Oh I’ll play with your pussy, baby. Would you like my long fingers that you like to stare at while I play guitar…” he started, letting his hand skim down your stomach, stopping at your hip bones. “Or would you prefer my tongue?”

You groaned thinking about his fingers. You’d imagined what the long digits would feel like inside of you. As much as you wanted him to lick and suck at your throbbing core, you already knew your answer.

“Your fingers! Please!”

Adam chuckled, letting his fingers graze lightly over the top of your pubic bone.

“Mmm I thought so.”

He let his finger trail down to gently trace down the seam of your pussy. You spread your legs further apart and bucked your hips.

Adam quickly maneuvered your leg closest to him to rest over top of his legs, holding you open for him before moving his hand back to your dripping slit, letting his fingers slide between your folds to caress your hole, but never dipping inside. He could feel you clenching around nothing, desperate to be filled by him.

He tested the waters, dipping the very tip of his middle finger into you before pulling it out. You whined at the loss. Slowly he pushed it back in, pushing in further than he did before, all the way to the second knuckle. He set a slow pace, pulling out before pushing back in until he’d worked the entire length of his finger into you.

You looked over, catching Adams' attention. You reached up and curled your fingers around the back of his head, pulling him down so you could kiss him. He slowly inserted a second finger beside the first, stretching your walls and making you moan into his mouth. His tongue danced with yours as he sped up the pace with his fingers, curling them slightly to drag against your g-spot.

Adam pulled away from the kiss to watch your face as he began to piston his fingers in and out of you at an almost inhuman speed. Your eyes shut as you embraced the pleasure flooding through you. He could feel your walls squeezing his fingers.

“That’s it, baby. Be a good girl and cum for me!” he encouraged, leaning down to kiss and nip at your neck.

Just as you were about to cum, you turned your head in his direction. Adam pulled his head back to look at you, but what you saw must have been a trick of the light or the pure euphoria that washed over you in that moment. For a split second, it looked like Adam had fangs. You barely had a half a second to think about it as your orgasm came crashing down, your walls squeezing Adams fingers.

Your eyes were screwed shut from the intense pleasure and when you opened them again the fangs, or whatever you saw, was gone. It was just normal Adam smiling down at you. As you gazed up at him, he gently withdrew his fingers from your still pulsing core and brought them to his mouth and slowly sucked your juices off of them.

“Adam…” you mumbled sleepily, halfway embarrassed from watching him taste you for the first time.

“You taste so sweet, baby.” he said, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“Adam… what just happened… we just…” you stuttered, not knowing the right words to say. You literally just got finger fucked by your roommate of 2 weeks and he’s acting like it’s completely normal.

“I know, baby. We have a lot to talk about, but we’ll talk tomorrow evening. Rest, darling.” he stated.

As soon as you shut your eyes, you felt yourself being lifted. Your eyes snapped open and you realized that Adam was carrying you out of your room.

“Where are we going?” you asked, sleep lacing your voice.

“My room.” He said as he stepped out into the hallway and turned into his room. It was dark, like your own and the bed was just as big with black silk sheets.

He gently laid you down on the silky sheets before pulling the comforter up over you. You were about to sit up and complain about being alone when you saw him unbuttoning his pants and pushing them to the ground. You quickly averted your eyes, noting that he went commando. You felt the bed dip beside you and saw that he was crawling in bed next to you.

He reached his arms and pulled you tightly against him. Your back was pressed against his chest and you could feel his hard cock pressing against your ass. Your immediate response was to wiggle your ass against him, but as soon as you started, he gripped your hips, holding you still.

“Adam, I…”

“Y/N, you promised me you’d sleep. Now rest, darling.” he said, burying his nose against your neck. You did as you were told and shut your eyes, falling asleep in Adams arms.

Tag list:  @memenerdlover @katrinakennedy1 @asexualaromosafezone​ @regulusgoesswiming​

[xxblackballoonxx]

The Heart Underneath: J&M Letters 1 (Ch. 15)

***This fic is being posted simultaneously on FanFiction.net and Ao3. I originally began it in 2016, and then life was life, and now I’m bringing it back because it deserves to be finished! Rating M as of Chapter 10 ***

Chapter 12: 1914 Pt 1 Chapter 13: 1914 Pt 2 Chapter 14: 1914 Pt 3

Chapter 16: March 1915 Pt 1 Full story here

Well, this made me cry, so we're all going to cry together now.

The Heart Underneath

Chapter 15: J&M Letters 1 (18 and 19)

25 November 1914

Dear John,

It’s starting to get cold here, I hope you’re staying warm. We’ve sent you some winter clothes, hats, gloves, socks. I hope this package gets to you quickly. I’m worried about the three of you freezing out there.

Business is going well. Polly, Ada, and I take turns with the books. I’m still sewing on the side, mostly making socks and other items for soldiers. It seems like everyone around here knows at least one person in France now.

Finn is still mad about starting school early. His little angry face reminds me of yours when you first started, we try not to laugh but it’s too funny. Remember the winter you taught me to read? Sitting on the floor in front of the fire in the parlor, reading that primer book you brought home. You were so much more patient with me than you were with Ada. The little stories you would have me sound out, you got so excited when I finished each one. Everywhere I look in this house, this street, this city, there’s a memory of you.

I felt the baby move for the first time last night. I was in bed, thinking of you, and I had a weird little feeling in my stomach, like it flipped over. I wish you had been here to feel it with me. It’s been strange, letting out some of my clothes, making new ones, everything changing. I have a part of you inside me, but the rest of you is across the Channel. 

I would give anything to be with you, if even just for a day. I would take an hour, a minute. Just to have you in front of me, to know that you are alright. We meet in my dreams, but it’s not enough, Johnny. I need to see you. Open the front door and have you standing there. To wake up and feel you holding me, your hand holding mine.

Please stay safe for us, love. I need you to come back to me. The baby needs you to come back. Please try.

I love you always,

Mar 

John read the letter a second time, tears coming to his eyes as he could feel Martha’s pain come through her words. Most of her letters had been upbeat, she had attempted to be cheerful, but this one channeled all her sadness.  

He sighed and leaned his head back against the makeshift trench wall behind him. He could picture her at home, their baby growing inside of her, her body changing. He hated that he was missing it, that he couldn’t be there for her. 

What he would give to be in front of Martha now, to go to sleep together, and wake up with his arm around her growing belly. To talk to his son or daughter. To watch Finn march off to school every morning, to fight with Ada, to laugh with Aunt Poll. To have a pint with Uncle Charlie and Curly. To be home. 

5 December 1914

Dear Mar,

I miss you. You are all I think about, you and the baby. I’m doing everything I can to stay safe here. Thank you for sending warmer things, it’s cold here at night, and it snowed recently. I can’t possibly see how this war will end by Christmas. I think we’ll be here for awhile longer.

Thinking about Finn makes me laugh, tell him we all went to school and turned out just fine. And that if he wants to work with his big brothers, he needs to know how to read and do numbers. I remember that winter well, when I taught you to read. I would’ve done anything to be around you every moment of every day. That’s never changed, love.  

I’m glad to hear the baby is doing well, I think about whether its a boy or a girl. I think boy, what do you think? Hopefully he has your temperament, the world can only take so many rambunctious Shelby boys. At night, when I try to sleep, I think about you and what you’re doing, how your day was. I hate that you’re sleeping alone without me. I miss feeling you against me, waking up to see your face.

I would give anything to be back at the cottage with you, sitting in the sun and you laughing at my dumb jokes. I would give anything for that morning at the kitchen table. To touch you. To talk to our baby. To just be with you. And I would pay all the money in the world for your cooking, trust me on that.

I don’t know what’s coming. But I know that I’ll be back to you as soon as I can. Stay strong, darling. Anytime it gets to be too much, go back to the cottage in your mind and I’ll be there, waiting for you.

I love you forever,

John

Martha read the letter in the privacy of her and John’s bedroom, tears streaming down her face. She put a hand over her middle, reminding herself that the baby and John needed her to be strong for them. She lay back on John’s side of the bed, head on his pillow. 

She closed her eyes and pictured the green door of the cottage. The sun above in a blue sky, wind through the trees. The door opened and John stood there, smiling at her. He reached out and took her hand, and they walked into the fields behind the cottage, laughing.

************************************************************************

WWI Historical Context:

When Britain first entered the war, there was a popular opinion amongst the Allies that the war would be over by Christmas 1914. European wars of the 19th century had been relatively short and fought using outdated war tactics. What most military experts couldn’t understand was just how drastically new technology and the beginnings of chemical warfare would forever change war.

WWI would become, up to that point, the most devastating war in history, with casualties beyond anything the world had ever seen. By the end of the war, there was an estimated 15-25 million military and civilian deaths. In comparison, WWII ended with an estimated 40-50 million total deaths. 

Letter Censorship: Letters home from soldiers were subject to censorship, which was a massive undertaking, handled by thousands of women hired by the British government. It was important to make sure that soldiers weren’t accidentally passing on information that could be used by the enemy if the letter fell into the wrong hands, but also to keep up morale on the home front. 

However, given the horrific nature of what the soldiers saw, especially as the war progressed, many censored themselves and tried not to write home about the war at all, or only in a very vague sense.  

An estimated 2 billion letters and over 140 million packages were sent through the British Army Postal Service during WWI.

[libertyreads]

June TBR--

June is going to be a mix of things for me and that makes me so excited. I’m going to have a few rereads, a book about asexuals on a heist in Las Vegas, and the start of my middle of the year Christmas reads. Why “middle of the year Christmas reads”? Because I started with Christmas in July and it has just gotten longer and longer as time has gone on. The plan is to read Christmas books for the last two weeks of June and the first week of July. Let’s get into the books:

1. Aces Wild by Amanda Dewitt-- An all-asexual online friend group meets up in Vegas to attempt to break into a high stakes gambling club. I saw this when I went to a Barnes and Noble that was moving to another location and since it was half off and full of asexuals like me I decided to give it a shot. Also, that title just got me. Happy Pride Month, y’all.

2. Artificial Condition by Martha Wells-- The second book in the Murderbot Diaries and the second book in my reread before the new book comes out this Fall. In this series we follow a SecUnit that has hacked its governing module as they explore the galaxy and spend time savings humans and watching their shows.

3.  The Host by Stephenie Meyer-- Okay. Let’s get this out there. Meyer’s books are trash. I know this, I understand this. But The Host has taken over me since the first time I read it in college. I tend to do a reread every couple of years and it’s time. I need the love of my reading life to grace me with his presence yet again. This one is about an alien race taking over the world and one of the last stands of humans who haven’t been taken as hosts.

4. Skyward by Brandon Sanderson-- I was really considering not rereading this series before the final book comes out, but I feel like so much of the tangible parts of these books have just slipped out of my brain. In the Skyward series we follow Spensa who is the daughter of a disgraced pilot in this militarized society. Her one goal is to become a pilot and she will do everything in her power to make it happen. Even if becoming a pilot forces her to face the harsh truths about her father.

5. Christmas at Fireside Cabins by Jenny Hale-- I’m starting my middle of the year Christmas reads with this one. Lila has the perfect remedy for her December blues: a blissful getaway with her closest friends to the resort of Fireside Cabins, tucked away in the snowy Tennessee hills. Once there, the group encounters grumpy coffee shop owner Theo who wants nothing to do with this holiday loving crew and their peppermint lattes.

6. The Christmas Clash by Suzanne Park-- Chloe Kwon and Peter Li are rivals whose parents operate rival restaurants in the Riverwood Mall food court. Now it’s the holiday season and Chloe is the photographer at the mall’s Santa Land while Peter works at the virtual reality North Pole experience right across the atrium. But they must team together as the mall is being sold to a developer to be demolished for condos.

7. Snowed in for Christmas by Sarah Morgan-- This is an anthology of Christmas romances set while the characters are snowed in. I don’t know a ton about this author or this collection of stories, but I always love a snowed in romance.

8. Plot Twist by Erin La Rosa (NetGalley)-- This is a contemporary romance novel about a romance author who accidentally goes viral when she’s drunk at a karaoke bar screaming into the microphone that she’s never been in love. She and her handsome landlord Dash end up devising a plan that not only handles the PR nightmare but also manages to handle her writer’s block.

9. Boyfriend by Sarina Bowen (Kindle)-- The hottest player on the university’s hockey team decides to hang up flyers around campus to help line his pockets: Rent-a-Boyfriend for the holiday. He’ll bring your mother flowers, talk hockey with your dad, wear a nicely ironed shirt and be polite. It’s hockey, it’s fake dating, it’s set during the holidays. This should be right up my alley.

I also have a whole list of books on my library app that I can add in as the mood strikes. If you’ve seen my May wrap up, you’ll know that the mood struck quite a lot last month so I want to leave some space in there for that.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || You’re A Bookworm [Request]

SEOKJIN:

Jin loved the fact that you had your own hobbies and he adored the fact that he always knew just what to get you for your birthday or Christmas but the one thing he hated was not being able to go shopping without you pulling yourself and him into a bookstore. Promising him that it was just to take a look only to come out with more books than you had room for, 

“I just want to see if they have the new-”

“No. Nope!” Jin cried out as he wrapped his arm around yours, pulling you away from the entrance to the small bookstore in the mall. It was supposed to be a quick shopping trip today, one store and then home but he knew that if he let you into the store he’d be there longer than he had time to be. 

“Babe, we’ll be late if we go inside.” He told you as he continued to pull you away, ignoring the pouting you were doing as he managed to successfully get you away from the store, turning to you and sighing when he saw the look on your face.

“You can go next week,” He mumbled, groaning to himself at the thought of being in the store longer next week. 

YOONGI:

No matter the occasion Yoongi knew just what to get you for it, birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries he had it all in his head on what to get you. Everytime he did you were still surprised about it. 

“Baby, I told you we weren’t doing gifts,” You whined as Yoongi handed you a small purple card, you knew what was inside and you hated him for it. 

“I know but technically it’s not a gift, it’s a gift card.” You threw a pillow at him as he started laughing and you rolled your eyes, opening the small purple card to see your favourite bookstore’s gift card sitting there with a blank amount of money sitting on it. Yoongi would never tell you how much was on them until you went to the store together. 

HOSEOK:

It was silent in the studio but Hoseok knew you were still sitting behind him, curled up on the sofa with a book in your arms as you read through the pages. Getting lost in the world you were reading that week but this time Hoseok turned around to see you fast asleep. Book laid out on your chest as you slept soundly, he turned back to the clock and sighed at himself. It was almost 2 in the morning no wonder you were out cold on the sofa, he turned off what he was working on and walked over to you, 

“Come on my little book worm, time to go home.” He whispered, taking the book away from you and picking you up in his arms as he made his way out of the studio.

NAMJOON:

Namjoon would absolutely adore it, he would finally have someone he could spend all day with, together in book stores and not have them get bored of being there with him. He could get lost in the pages of a book with you while you both shopped for new books to add to your never-ending book collection back home. If the boys were ever with you on days out and they saw you heading into the bookstore they would leave you both alone, letting you get on with your time together.

“Do you think we have enough room for these?” You laughed softly as you watched the man who was serving you and Namjoon pack up a box so that the books were easier for you to carry back to the car. 

“I’m sure I can buy a new book case or install a new shelf,” Namjoon chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your waist and kissed the top of your head smiling to himself as he thought back on how he was going to spend the evening. Curled up beside you, both of you reading your books while listening to some relaxing music in the background.

JIMIN:

He always found it the cutest whenever you would be in a store together and get excited over the book you were buying. He loved watching the way you jumped up and down in excitement whenever they had a special book in stock. 

“You’re adorable babe,” Jimin chuckled as he kissed your temple, watching you pack a small basket full of books because there was a sale and you wanted to get some while you could. 

“Even though I’ve stolen half of your home studio for storage?” You giggled as you remembered his face when he’d come back from tour to see you’d taken over half of the room but he nodded at you. 

“Yes baby, even though you’ve taken half of the studio from me.” He laughed, taking the basket from you and telling you that today was his treat and not your own.

TAEHYUNG:

Whenever Taehyung had some time off he would fill it with spending time with you, but sometimes you didn’t go out or do anything huge. The two of you would just spend time together in silence, you would read while he would paint something he would never show you, 

“Are you going to show me this time?” You questioned as you leant forward to take a sip from your cup of tea, Taehyung raised his eyebrow at you and smiled. 

“Maybe,” You automatically got filled with excitement at the thought of seeing his hard work and went back to the pages of your book. 

“Here,” Taehyung said later that night when he finished and you’d finished your book, 

“Six long weekends,” You giggled as you shut the book and got up to take a look, tearing up as soon as you saw that he’d painted you in your natural reading position, blanket laid across your legs as you read a book. 

“You like it?” He questioned as you began to tear up, nodding your head as you stared longer at the image, turning to him and kissing him softly as you thanked him for showing you. Telling him how great the painting had turned out.

JUNGKOOK: 

Jungkook stared at you as you brought in another box from the front door step and smiled at him shyly. He had a giant smirk plastered across his face as he shook his head at you, he knew exactly what day it was. Book Delivery day. It was only once a month, twice if you were in the mood for different books. 

“Which genre is it this time?” Jungkook chuckled as he watched you from the doorway, excitedly opening the book to show him what books you had gotten. Even though he wasn’t the biggest book reader he was always happy to see how excited you got over them all. Watching the way your eyes would light up as you told him about one of the books you had ordered.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @fan-ati--c​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @bisexualmess007​ @innersooya​ @sw33tnight​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK: Chapter eleven: "Can't get you off my mind"

|Word count:  9,7K

Summary:  Reader struggles with her feelings for Spencer and tries to work with Seaver. Neither of those things works. Spencer's headaches are getting worse. Also, it's Anderson's birthday! Things are getting a little more complicated.

Warnings:  Hardcore fools in love. It's getting painful to watch. Spoilers of Criminal Minds Season 6 Episode 11. 25 to life. Cursing, and frustration. Alcohol consumption. Assholes being blind.

A/N: Please don't hate me! but these two are just so blind, it hurts!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.

Spencer's point of view

Psychotics in a break always evolve. Well, I was psychotic at that minute of my life, but the only things evolving were my migraines. They were driving me insane. I could feel them taking over my life, my head, my sanity. I could feel my good judgment slipping through my fingers every day, especially since (Y/N) had started acting strange.

It wasn't like she had stopped talking to me or hanging out with me. But I could feel a void growing between us every day. And it was driving me insane. I couldn't understand where it had come from. I just knew it was eating me alive.

Morgan was having a bad day. One really bad day. The man he had vouched for parole had just murdered a man after nearly 70 hours of freedom, and now the team was trying to solve the whole case. Don Sanderson claimed he had been framed guilty of the murder of his wife and baby daughter, but after 25 years in prison, the first thing he did as a free man was to murder someone else.

It made no sense.

We had visited the murder scene. Hotch was still on a leave, so it was just Prentiss, (Y/N), Morgan, Rossi, Seaver, and I. Emily was in full "training agent's duty," walking Seaver through every step of the procedure, which was very nice of her. It was her first case after the incident in New Mexico, and she was eager to do better work than that time. She was nearly jumping all over the place, taking notes.

I talked with Garcia on the phone because he was worried about Morgan, and then I walked to (Y/N), who kept a safe distance from Emily and Seaver.

- "The bullets were in the other room, but the gun is right here,"- I said as I looked around the room. (Y/N) turned to me, ready to speak her mind, but Ashley spoke first, which annoyed her beyond belief.

- "Maybe killing him was an accident."

I looked at my best friend as Prentiss and Ashley continued talking. She just crossed her arms and walked around the room. She surely wasn't dealing well with having Seaver around. I wanted to ask her something, anything, but nothing came to mind.

- "Sanderson was out of prison for what, Reid?"- I answered Emily's question but didn't even turn to look at her. My eyes were following (Y/N), moving around that room.

- "At the time of the murder, 51 hours."

- "He's free for 2 days and change? What's the big hurry to find this guy?"

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and stood next to (Y/N) as Prentiss and Ashley kept analyzing the scene.

- "Yeah, just tired."

- "Do you wanna have dinner with me tonight? I didn't see you this weekend, and I thought we could do a movie night."

(Y/N) took her time to answer, but finally, after a moment, she nodded and agreed.

- "Movie night sounds nice."

- "Great, ‘cos I rented your favorites."- I might have sounded more excited than I should, but I had really missed her those days, and I may or may not have watched and read Pride and Prejudice a couple of times.

- "Did you? Really?"

- "Yes, I was hoping to spend some time with you."

- "Are you coming, Spence?"- Seaver interrupted us and looked from the door- "Rossi called. They are interviewing Sanderson at the BAU."

- "Yeah, we are coming,"- I answered and looked away. (Y/N) shook her head and walked outside in silence the second Prentiss called my name, and I couldn't follow her. Which, I guess, was a good thing.

- "Is everything ok?"- Emily stayed behind with me. She raised an eyebrow, watching (Y/N) walking out of the room as Ashley waited for us by the door.

- "Yes?"- my answer came more as a question because I honestly didn't know what to say- "Everything is ok, Emily."

- "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the feeling (Y/N) isn't thrilled to have agent Seaver around."- I almost chuckled at her words and just nodded.

- "It's not like she has made it hard to tell. She literally yelled at her at the jet."

- "Is she mad at me because I am supervising her training?"

- "I don't know. I don't think so… she hasn't told me so. Well, she hasn't talked to me much lately."

- "Why? Did you fight?"- Prentiss wide opened her eyes and moved a little closer to me, trying to read my expressions.

- "No, I don't know what's going on. She just… we…"- I couldn't find the right words to explain my mind, and I think Prentiss knew it, ‘cos she didn't push me.

- "You should talk to her."

- "Yeah, we are going out tonight."

- "You have a date?"- Ashley walked over and asked me with a short smile. I cleared my throat and shook my head right away.

- "No, just meeting with a friend."

- "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude,"- Seaver blushed and looked at her shoes. Prentiss smiled, probably reading something I wasn't seeing.

- "Come on, Rossi is probably waiting for us at the BAU, and I'm guessing Morgan is not in a good mood."

For the rest of the day, I tried to find a moment alone with (Y/N). I needed to talk about what was going on. But it was impossible. We worked late, rereading the original case files, trying to find something that might help us help Sanderson. But it was frustrating and nearly impossible.

So around nine, we decided to call it a day and go home.

- "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"- I looked at (Y/N), gathering all the things as I stood next to her desk- I thought maybe we could get some take-out from that place you love on our way home.

- "Sounds nice. What are we watching?"

- "Pride and Prejudice, Coraline, maybe Beetlejuice. You pick, I've got all your favorites,"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes, looking at me in silence- "What?"

- "So you rented movies ‘cos you wanted to hang out with me?"

- "Yes."

- "You usually don't rent movies. You rent documentaries."

- "Yes, but I wanted to do something different this time. I told you I missed you."

(Y/N) blushed as she stood in front of me, biting the inner part of her cheek, trying not to smile. I looked at her, nearly beaming, excited to see her reaction. I had felt so scared to lose her, feeling her pushing away from me. It was a balm watching her so happy, and just because I missed her.

- "I love Pride and Prejudice,"- Ashley said from her desk- "I've read that book so many times, I think I can recite it."

I looked at her and nodded with an awkward smile. I knew she was just trying to be nice ‘cos she was new at the BAU, and she was also trying to be nicer to (Y/N), to get on her good side. But that wasn't the way to get to her. Maybe I had to talk to Seaver and explain that my best friend is a special woman.

Neither of us answered her comment. We just stood there, looking at her in silence, until Anderson walked over and waved.

- "Hey agents, before you go, I wanted to tell you, this Friday I'm celebrating my birthday, and I'd love to have you over."

- "Of course, Sonny!"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and clapped. She had called him "Sonny" since they sang "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher in the karaoke at the Christmas party the year before.

- "Happy birthday, Anderson!"- Derek waved.

- "Thank you! We'll gather at a bar nearby. I'll text you the address."

- "We wouldn't miss it for the world,"- Prentiss added and smiled- "Do you mind if we tell JJ and Garcia?"

- "Please do! I haven't seen JJ since she left, and it would be amazing to have her over. You too, agent Seaver."

- "Thank you!"- Ashley smiled and nodded- "Count me in."

I could feel (Y/N)'s eyes rolling, annoyed, even when I wasn't even looking at her at that minute. I grabbed my bag and my coat and held her hand.

- "Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!"- that was all I said as I dragged her out of the bullpen. Emily waved at us, and Derek cut me an evil grin I could decode easily. I just ignored him and turned to the door.

- "Have fun, pretty girl!!"- Morgan chuckled at his own words, and (Y/N) just smiled and winked. Why? Probably to show him she didn't care about all his teasing, ‘cos nothing was ever going to happen between us.

(Y/N)'s point of view

It might have been childish, but I had to take advantage of Morgan's innuendo just to show Seaver things could happen between Spencer and me. It had been immature and silly, but I just felt like I needed to do it. It was like a stupid animal instinct that forced me to mark my territory.

I shouldn't have done it. Spencer wasn't mine. Not even close. And I had to stop being jealous of Seaver. If he didn't want me, he had the right to be with anyone else. But just the thought of Spencer being with someone, anyone, made me feel sick in my stomach. I hated being in love with him. I honestly did, ‘cos I didn't want to ruin our friendship with useless feelings. Spencer wasn't in love with me. He was just my friend. My very thoughtful, cute, adorable, and lovable best friend.

I was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Even that second, sitting on that couch with Spencer, I couldn't focus on the movie. I pretended, but I didn't even pay attention to it. All I could think of was how warm his body felt sitting next to me, like a gigantic magnet that called for me. I could simply just move my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. Or lean in closer, rest my head on his shoulder, feel how he wraps an arm around me, and melt in his embrace, like I had done a million times before.

But I couldn't. I had to stop that daydream of a domestic and romantic life with Spencer. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't sane. But most of all: I wasn't real. And I was never going to move forward in life if I kept thinking those movie nights meant something.

- "More popcorn?- Spencer handed me the bowl, and I shook my head- "You have been awfully quiet considering we are watching Coraline."

- "Well, we are supposed to watch the movie in silence,"- I answered and didn't take my eyes from the screen.

- "You have never done that."

- "Maybe I wanted to give it a try."

I grabbed a bunch of popcorn just to keep myself busy. I could feel Spencer's eyes on me, and it was killing me ‘cos I knew I didn't have to look at him. If I did, I wasn't sure how I would react. I was overthinking everything and anything you might think of.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah. Sure."

No, I wasn't.

- "(Y/N), can you look at me?"- Spencer paused the movie and turned to me. I hesitated, thinking my best friend is an amazing profiler, and I didn't want him to know how I felt about him ‘cos it didn't want to ruin our friendship.

After a few seconds, I moved on the couch and raised an eyebrow. His brown eyes stared into mine in silence for a moment, trying to read me.

- "What is going on?"

- "Nothing,"- I lied and frowned- "Why are you so obsessed with the idea something is going on?"

- "‘Cos I have this… feeling."

- "You got a feeling?"- I chuckled, trying to be funny but failing completely. In the end, I just stared into his eyes for what seemed to be a million years but were, in fact, just a few seconds.

- "Are we ok?"

- "Of course, we are, Spencer."

- "You never call me that"- he frowned immediately, almost hurt.

- "What?"

- "You just call me Spencer when we are on a case, and there are people around us. But when we are home, I'm never Spencer to you."

"When we are home." That killed me. I hadn't realized how badly I wanted that to be our home, to have a life with Spencer.

I was in love with my best friend. I was spending every single hour of every single day of my life with him. That wasn't right! If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, why was I doing that to myself?

- "(Y/N)?"- Spencer's voice took me from my thoughts. He looked so worried I didn't know how to convince him there wasn't anything wrong, considering it felt like everything was wrong.

- "What is it?"

- "Please tell me what's wrong."

- "I told you, nothing is wrong. I just called you Spencer. That's your name. It's a lovely name. I had never met someone called Spencer ever before in my entire life. You just called me (Y/N), not pumpkin, cupcake, chipmunk, or ma chère,"- he sighed, frustrated and maybe a little annoyed.

- "Nothing is wrong, honey. I'm really ok. Just tired, maybe feeling a little invaded with Seaver in the team"- I knew he knew I hated her, so I had to blame her in a way.

- "Why?"

- "You know I'm not her fan... I hate working with her,"- I kind of chuckled at my own words because I was trying to make a joke out of my awful reality.

- "It's just for a few weeks,"- he tried to reassure me, probably to ease my mood, but the truth was I hated how it always felt like he was defending her.

- "One week, one day, it's the same torture,"- I shook my head and turned to the screen again.

- "Don't be dramatic."

- "I'm not dramatic! I just hate how she is always playing the victim ‘cos her father is a serial killer. She is clearly overcompensating! Besides, we have all gone through bad shit in our lives, and no one is using it as a tool to get things in life."

- "I don't think that's what she is doing."

- "No? Do you think she belongs at the BAU? She is a trainee agent who almost got killed in her first assignment. She works hard, and she is not stupid, I give you that. But she is not top of her class. She is not there ‘cos she is the brightest. She is there ‘cos Rossi, Hotch, and probably Prentiss felt bad for her after what happened and decided to let her hang around and learn something for a while. If you ask me, I think there are more qualified trainee agents we could use in the team, but Seaver played her "my father was a serial killer" card and got the job. And who knows how many times she had done it before, and how many times she will use it again."

Ok, that may or may not have been too hard, but it was exactly how I felt. There was a deep silence in Spencer's apartment. The movie was still paused, and after my speech, Spencer just looked at me with wide-opened eyes. I just sighed and regretted every word that had left my lips ‘cos they made me sound bitter and shallow. But at least they didn't tell him the truth: that I was jealous of the thought Seaver might get his attention. Scared that he could look at her the way he had never looked at me. Just to imagine I could bump into them kissing terrified me.

- "Maybe I should just go home,"- I whispered and tried to stand up, but Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back onto the couch.

- "No, please. Stay,"- his voice was a whisper but still managed to shake me.

- "I don't wanna argue with you, honey,"- I thought I would speak too loud, but no, I actually murmured, matching his tone of voice.

- "We don't have to talk about Seaver anymore. Just watch the movie with me. You love this movie."

- "You love this book,"- I added and looked at him. He smiled. God, that smile is going to be the end of me.

- "It's just so dark! But it has such a good message."

- "Not all nice people are good people?"- I just spoke about what the book had meant to me ever since I was a little girl, and Spencer analyzed the whole plot again in less than a minute.

- "I was going to say overcoming your fears, but I like your analysis the most."

- "Of course, you do, ‘cos it's better,"- I teased and stuck out my tongue to him. Spencer just stared at me and nodded.

- "You might be right. Yours is much better,"- he kept his eyes on me for a few more seconds and continued smiling until he snapped from his thoughts- "More tea, ma chère?"

- "No, honey, thank you. I'm good."

I cut him a quick smile and sat back on the couch, trying to relax. I knew it was going to be impossible, but I honestly didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him. I had stayed home alone the whole weekend, hidden underneath a pile of blankets, in something that looked pretty much like a fort, according to Lu's words. She had stayed with me Saturday night ‘cos I told her I needed a girl's night. It was my poor attempt to stay away from Reid, and she was happy to help.

Ok, Lu didn't know I wanted to stay away from Reid. I just told her I needed a girl's night. I really didn't want to deal with all her questions. You have the right to avoid dealing with your feelings from time to time if you can. And I told Spencer Lu wasn't feeling so good, so I wanted to spend some time with her. He sounded disappointed ‘cos he was making plans for our weekend off but understood completely I needed to be with my friend.

See? Spencer made it so easy falling in love with him! He was so thoughtful it freaking hurt!

I couldn't fight the feeling anymore and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt he was waiting for me to make that move, ‘cos in a few seconds, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.

- "I know Lu needed you, but you missed a whole weekend of cuddling on this couch watching your favorite movies with me,"- Spencer whispered, bumping his head carefully against mine. I bit my lips and smiled, not taking my eyes away from the screen.

- "We do this pretty often"- that was all I could answer.

- "At least once a week for the last… thirteen-month two weeks, and… four days."

- "I love how precise you can be when it comes to our friendship, honey."

Calling it a friendship hurt me at that point, but it was what it was. Spencer chuckled and just nodded. We enjoyed our company in silence for a moment. His fingers drawing figures on my arm and my head resting on his shoulder, letting his smell invade me. It was heaven.

We were finally watching the movie… though what I really wanted was to watch a movie with Spencer instead of actually watching it. But that was the nature of our relationship. We were friends. Friends don't watch movies.

- "No way,"- I argued when his cellphone rang and interrupted our moment- "Please tell me we don't have a case."

- "We don't,"- he quickly answered and picked up the phone- "Hello? Hi… it's ok, tell me"- he didn't stand up or moved from me. He kept holding me tight against his body and finished his call by simply saying.

- "We can meet tomorrow at seven at work. I can help you with your test."- I hated those words immediately.

- "It's not a problem, see you tomorrow. Bye."

I was afraid to ask ‘cos I knew the answer. The knot on my stomach was the fair warning of what had just happened. That bitch had ruined our moment yet again.

- "What are you doing tomorrow at seven?"- I did my best to sound as casual as possible, but I knew that conversation might not end well. He hesitated. I could nearly hear his neurons struggling to find the correct answer to that question. Until he simply whispered:

- "Please don't get mad."

- "Why would I?"

- "‘Cos Ashley just called to ask me to help her study for a test…"

I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, doing my best to calm myself down at least a little before speaking.

- "I'm not mad, Spencer,"- I tried to lie as smoothly as possible. I even cut him a smile and looked into his hazel and confused eyes.

- "I know you don't like her, but I had offered to help in case she needed any… what?"

- "I'm not mad, really,"- I smiled again and turned to the screen- "We said we were not going to argue, and besides, she just called to ask you for help. That's not something to be mad about, right?"

Technically I wasn't mad. I was beyond furious.

- "Are you sure?"- he narrowed his eyes, baffled- "Not that I want you to be mad or something, but we just argued over her, and you said you felt invaded by her… so…"

- "Yes, but I don't wanna argue anymore. I don't want you to think I hate Seaver because I don't. And most of all, I don't want her to be the reason we fight. I don't wanna fight with you. Ever."

Spencer sighed, relieved, and smiled, pleased with my answer.

Spencer's point of view

Something felt off the following day when I walked into the bullpen and saw Ashley waiting for me by my desk with two cups of coffee. (Y/N) had said everything was ok, and I decided I wanted to believe her. But I had an awful feeling about everything that was going on.

- "Hi!"- Ashley smiled and handed me a cup- "Figured you might appreciate one of these for making you wake up earlier."

- "Thank you"- I smiled awkwardly and held the cup- "Are you ready?"

- "Yes, I brought all the notes from the class and my books…"- she set them on her desk and giggled as I went through her notes, sipping my cup- "I feel back in high school…"

- "Why?"

- "I wasn't the best student back then, and I always had to ask my classmates for help,"- I couldn't help but think of something (Y/N) had said the night before.

- "And are you a good student at the academy?"

- "Yes, I think. I'm not in the top three of my class, but I have good grades. I'm just not… a genius, like you."

Her eyes lingered on my face, and her cheeks blushed after a few seconds. I frowned, not getting why she was embarrassed. Was it just ‘cos she didn't have the same honorifics as I did?

- "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified,"- I simply answered, remembering how many times in my life I had ever said something like that. Way too many, to be honest.

It was hard to focus on the subject when Seaver kept asking me personal questions every five minutes. She seemed more interested in knowing about my childhood in Las Vegas than learning about profiling and victimology.

- "Good morning, kids!"- I turned around and smiled at Morgan, so glad to see him I might have actually felt a little relieved- "What are you doing here so early?"

- "Hey! I was just helping Ashley with her test,"- I stood up and walked from her desk over his- "And about you?"

- "I have a meeting with Strauss in a while, and Sanderson's case didn't let me sleep. It was better to come here and start working than to keep on rolling on my bed. But I'm glad you are here. Wanna help me go through a few extra files?"

- "Of course!"- I left the notes I was holding on the closest desk and walked with Morgan to the conference room.

I considered our session with Seaver finished, mostly ‘cos for the last ten minutes, she had been asking about me. What I liked doing outside the BAU, favorite bands, hobbies, anything. I answered her questions and kept trying to push her to study. I didn't want her to blame me if she failed her test.

- "Hey, kid."- Morgan whispered after a few minutes and took a look around, just to make sure no one else was near. I looked at him confused ‘cos he was never that careful to say anything in the office.

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yes?"- I answered, though it sounded like a question ‘cos I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

- "Are you excited to have Seaver on the team for the next month?"- I shrugged and kept reading the file in my hands- "Come on, Reid. She is clearly sweet to you."

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "She has a crush on you, kid."

- "No, she doesn't!"

- "Come on! Are you blind?"- I stared at Morgan, not getting what he was talking about- "Man, Seaver gives you loving eyes even when we are on the field!"

- "She does not!"- I knew I was blushing. I hated those kinds of conversations, and Morgan always made me feel awkward when he hinted I should flirt with a girl or just talk to them.

- "And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything like that ever again."

- "What's the matter, kid? You don't think she is pretty?"

- "I don't look at her that way!"- I buried my head in a file and tried not to notice how he scanned my whole face, looking for micro expressions.

- "I see. Are you afraid (Y/N) might get jealous?"- Morgan chuckled at his words and tapped on my back a few times, making me flinch- "Relax, man. I'm just kidding!"

- "I don't like those jokes, Derek. Really."

Morgan kept his eyes on me a little longer and nodded. I did my best not to show how I really felt, but somehow, I failed miserably.

- "You know, kid, it would be much easier if you just told (Y/N) how you feel about her,"- Derek's voice was soft and even more concerned than I thought he could be. I nearly shook when I heard him, so I failed my mission of remaining stoic.

- "Reid, it's ok. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her."

- "I don't… like talking about this,"- I whispered and closed the file- "Can we just focus on work, please?"- Derek nodded and stayed quiet for a few seconds. But I knew he wasn't done yet.

- "Reid, listen. I know you are not really fond of sharing how you feel with us, I know you share almost everything that happens in your life with (Y/N), and as your friend, I've always felt glad and relieved to know you have her. But if there's something you can't tell her, and you need to talk to someone, you can count on me. You know that, right?"

I nodded and looked at him. That conversation took me back to the year I was using and had to keep it secret from my friends. I knew I could count on Morgan if anything happened, but I really wasn't comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and fears with people. (Y/N) made it so easy. Was it ‘cos I loved her? I just always felt I could tell her anything. That had never happened to me before with anyone.

- "Morgan, Strauss was looking for you,"- Rossi walked into the room holding a cup of coffee and stared at us, raising an eyebrow- "Everything ok?"

- "Yes, we were just going through some files,"- Morgan stood up and grabbed the case folder- "I'll be right back."

- "I'll finish reading all these,"- I said and pointed at the box filled with more files. Morgan nodded and walked away.

- "Do you need any help?"- Seaver walked over that second and smiled at me. I stood up and shook my head.

- "Thanks, but I'm basically done. I'll just go make myself another cup of coffee."

- "I'll go with you!"- she smiled and waited for me by the door. Rossi looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I just cut him a straight smile and walked to the kitchenette, followed closely by Ashley.

(Y/N) walked into the bullpen that minute. I watched her as she opened the glass door and took out her jacket. It felt like the time passed in slow motion as she walked. I couldn't help it, I just smiled as soon as our eyes crushed, and for a few seconds, life was perfect. Just to know she was there, smiling at me made everything worth living.

See why I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling? They would make fun of me. Morgan would never understand the agony and the dimension of my love for her. He would just tease me. I wonder if he had ever actually been in love 'till that point in life.

I didn't want anyone to know what was happening to me ‘cos I was sure they would make fun of me, and that was the last thing I needed at that moment. So I did what I knew best: I locked it all inside and waited for it to burn me alive.

- "Good morning, chipmunk!"- I stood by (Y/N)'s side and smiled as she left her things on her desk and turned to me. She just looked into my eyes, and my brain turned into mush.

- "Good morning, honey bunny. Did you sleep well? You look tired."

- "Yeah, I just got up extra early today to help Seaver, and now I was helping Derek with some files."

- "Do you need a hand?"

- "Sure!"- I didn't even analyze my answer. I just spit the words, thinking it would be amazing to spend some time with my friend, working together.

- "Hi (Y/N), how are you?"- that until her face changed completely when Seaver waved at her- "Spencer, do you want me to make your coffee?"- I froze and turned to her in silence.

- "No, thank you. I'll… just… wait a little before having another one. I just had my third cup."

- "Three cups in already"- (Y/N) narrowed her eyes and turned to her desk, giving me her back- "How long have you been awake?"

- "Not as long as Morgan, I tell you that,"- I pointed at him, walking out of Strauss's office and heading back to our conference room.

- "Let's help him, then."

(Y/N) walked quickly, and I followed closely. I wished I hadn't said no to that coffee. I really needed one to go through that morning.

During that morning, Derek questioned Sanderson again and finally took him and Rossi back to his house, trying to trigger any memory that might help us crack the case. Meanwhile, the rest of the team and I stayed back in the office, repeatedly going through the case files. So far, all we knew is that a team had attacked Sanderon's home and framed him for the murder of his wife and daughter.

The whole day, I focused on work ‘cos it's my favorite escape, and clearly, there was something more important to think of than whatever was going on with my life. But my head was killing me. The migraines were starting to get more intense, and I think they got worse the more thinking I gave to my relationship with (Y/N).

- "It sounds like we need to profile a dormant killer"- Ashle's voice surprised me when I was pouring myself a cup of fresh coffee in the kitchenette.

- "A very lucky one. He was essentially given a gift, a patsy in the form of Don Sanderson, and he'll do anything to protect that story."- I answered, thinking I didn't want to be in Sanderon's shoes, trying to clear my name of something I hadn't done.

- "When someone has a secret this big, everything becomes a lie."

Somehow, Seaver's words hit me. I'm sure she didn't mean to strike a nerve, but she did. I had been in love with my best friend for too long, and now it was starting to affect my life. I didn't want it to get in the way of work, and we were at work most of our time together. But there was nothing I could do about it. I just had to keep on faking everything was normal.

- "He'll most likely be pathological,"- I nearly choked at my own words as I tried to shake away the thoughts from my head.

- "So, we're looking for a liar in D. C. I thought we were trying to narrow this down."- Ashley tried to joke and waited for my reaction but didn't get anything. Instead, I just cut her a straight smile and walked away.

By the end of the night, Morgan had gotten the unsub. But I was still a mess. It had been the longest day in weeks, not just ‘cos I had barely slept the night before, but because I was overthinking everything that happened around me. It was exhausting.

- "Are you coming, Batsy?"- (Y/N) asked me and grabbed her bag after putting on her coat. I stood from my desk and nodded.

- "Yes, ma chère."

- "Where are you guys going tonight?"- Derek asked and smiled at us- "No. Don't tell me, planning this year's matching Comic-Con costumes"- I chuckled and probably blushed, busted.

- "We already settled those, Derek. We are way ahead of schedule this year,"- (Y/N) answered and stuck out her tongue to him.

- "(Y/N), can you give me a second before you go?"- Prentiss stood up and smiled at my friend, who just nodded and walked with her to the conference room. Derek and Seaver looked at me.

- "What?"

- "Do you know what's that about?"- Morgan questioned me.

- "I have no idea."

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "Please don't freak out,"- Emily smiled and turned to me after she closed the door behind her back- I just needed to clear the air a little bit between us.

- "What? Why? Is there something wrong?"

- "I don't know, I just feel you have been acting weird lately, and I needed to know if it has something to do with me supervising Seaver."

I nearly gasped. Not ‘cos I felt insulted but ‘cos I felt caught. I knew I hadn't been subtle about my feelings for Seaver. I just didn't want them to get in the middle of work.

- "I haven't been weird with you, Emily, and I don't think I've been acting strange."

- "Come on, you don't like Ashley, and I offered to supervise her while she works with us."

- "Yes, but neither of those has anything to do with me and you. We are friends, Emily."

- "I know, and I wanna honor that friendship, (Y/N). I love working with you. I just want you to know I'm not… I just… I'm trying to help Seaver start her career."

- "I understand that. We are ok,"- I tried to reassure her, but I knew she could read between my bullshit.

- "Do you think you could try to be a little bit nicer with her?"

- "Nicer?"

- "Yes, (Y/N). She is making an effort to get along with the team, and you've been giving her the cold shoulder since day one." -I crossed my arms on my chest, obviously annoyed and defensive.

- "I have been friendly with her, Emily. I just don't like her, and you can't force me to be her friend."

In my defense, in my mind, that argument didn't sound as childish as it did when I said it out loud.

- "Don't be selfish! Just because you are jealous, you can't deprive her of the opportunity of a lifetime with this team."

Emily's words were knives against my ego and nearly destroyed my facade. I stared into her eyes and wondered how to get out of that situation without hurting my friend. I could pretend I didn't know what she was talking about, but we both knew that was bullshit. I could actually try to tell her how I felt, but it was so humiliating I refused to open up. So instead, I just nodded and smiled at her.

- "I'm sorry that's how you see me. I'll try to be a better version of myself tomorrow,"- and needless to say, I turned around and left.

- "(Y/N), please wait,"- but I didn't stop walking. I refused to continue talking about Seaver with anyone. I refused to deal with feelings or the real world.

- "Everything ok?"- Spencer asked me the second he saw me appear by his side.

- "Yes,"

- "You are blushing. Did you and Prentiss argue?"

- "No, honey. We didn't argue. She just wanted to check on me ‘cos she was worried I was mad at her. But that's all."- Spencer just nodded and looked at me in silence.- "Why don't we just go home and forget about today, honey?"

Easier said than done.

So Seaver was getting under my skin. And it was getting harder to control. That week was hell, and I didn't want to show it. Eventually, I talked with Emily again, and I tried to explain to her I wasn't being mean with Seaver. I just didn't like her. And though I gave Emily my word to be friendlier with Ashley, the circumstances weren't really helping.

Things didn't get any better than Friday night. No, if anything, that was the night that made it all worse. Prentiss, JJ, and I got together at Garcia's house and had a few drinks before leaving for Anderson's birthday. I was making my biggest effort to have fun and ease my mind. Spencer said he wasn't sure he'd make it ‘cos he was tired, and automatically I almost turned out the whole deal, but Penelope literally dragged me to her house and put a beer in my hand.

- "You, my young lady, are going to put some makeup on, a hot dress, and we are going to party!"

- "But PG, I'm not…"- but she didn't let me out of it. Instead, she shushed me and raised an eyebrow, looking pretty convincing.

- "No "but." You are going. End of the conversation."

So she dragged me to the bar, along with Prentiss and JJ, who had left Will with little Henry to join us for what was promised to be one epic girl's night.

Anderson was so happy to see us. He was a sweetheart who was always willing to help us. I knew technically he didn't work at the BAU, but he was always there whenever we needed him. We all felt he was part of the team.

- "Sonny!!"- I yelled and hugged him tight

- "I'm so glad you girls made it!!"- and his smile was priceless- "JJ!!"- he actually yelled when he saw her and ran to give her a triple bear hug.

- "Grant Anderson!! I can't believe it's really you!!"

- "I've missed you so much!! How's Henry?"

- "So big!! I feel I haven't been out with friends in so long!"- JJ looked around, and her face kept lighting up as she recognized more friends and acquaintances from Quantico. I looked around and recognized Morgan already flirting with a woman at the other side of the bar.

- "Looks like chocolate thunder knows how to keep himself busy,"- I joked, and Garcia turned immediately.

- "Have you ever seen him shirtless?"- she asked in a lower voice and leaned a little closer to me, just to make sure no one would listen- "I'm sure it's illegal looking so good in real life."

I laughed and turned to see Prentiss walk to the bar to get us the first round of drinks. Ok, I'll admit it, I was having a great time. I know I didn't want to go at first, but spending time with my work friends and not just with Spencer was refreshing. Not that I didn't do fun things with the rest of the team, but my relationship with Spencer, I mean the friendship that pretty much looked like a relationship, consumed most of my time. But I just loved being with Reid more than anything.

But one night without him wasn't going to be the end of the world. Right?

Right.

Anderson and I danced and laughed. It was all very innocent. And though I've never considered myself a hot chick or whatever, a few guys asked if they could get me drinks, and I kindly declined. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything. I just wanted to have fun with my friends.

- "And where's Reid?"- Anderson asked as we reached our table, where Prentiss and JJ were catching up and laughing.

- "Home, he said he was tired."

- "And? When are you two going to come clean about your relationship? You know, having the confirmation of your romance would be the best birthday present you could ever give me."

- "Grant Anderson, you nosy bastard!!"- I hit his arm and heard his laughter- "You know we are not dating!"

- "Come on!! I mean it! You have to get together! You are like the FBI sweethearts!!"

- "Shut your face!"- Anderson laughed even harder and took a look around the bar

- "So, if you are not dating Spencer, I have a friend who asked about you."

- "Who? What friend? Is he here?"- Garcia shouted question after question as she had overheard the whole conversation and even moved closer.

- "His name is James. He saw you on the news a few months ago, at a press conference with Rossi, and has been asking about you ever since."

I frowned and looked at Garcia, who was wide-eyed staring at Anderson. I had no idea what was going on. It was bizarre.

- "No, thank you?"- I whispered, not even sure of what I should answer at that- "I'm very flattered, Grant, but… I'm really not looking for someone right now."

- "You are not?"- Garcia asked me, and I just shook my head.

- "No, I have too much going on in my life, with work and… well… what we do…"

- "Really?"- Anderson sounded a little disappointed- "Well, in case you change your mind, James is…"

- "(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a second?"- Garcia grabbed my arm and crawled me to a side of the bar.

- "What? What is it?"

- "Munchkin, you know I love you."

- "Yes, I love you too, PG."

- "That's why I feel like I need to be honest with you, ‘cos you've always been so sweet, and we've known each other for years now, and I feel like if I don't tell you this, you are never going to forgive me."- Penelope was nearly hyperventilating as she spoke.

- "Ok, what is it? You are scaring me."

- "You have to tell Reid how you feel."

- "What?"

- "He has to know! You have to tell him!"

- "I don't wanna talk about what, Penelope"- I tried to walk away from her, but she stopped me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.

- "No, (Y/N). He loves you, I'm not a profiler, I don't even play one on tv, but I am sure what I see in his eyes when he looks at you is love… ‘cos it's the same you have when you look at him!"

- "Son of a bitch!!"- the words escaped my lips as my heart nearly left my chest.

- "No, (Y/N)!"- but Garcia lost my attention that second, ‘cos all I could see was Spencer Walter Reid walking into the bar and Ashley Seaver hanging from his arm.

- "What do you want me to tell him, Garcia? To have fun with his new girlfriend?"- I pointed at the door, and her jaw nearly hit the floor.

- "Ok, no. There has to be a reasonable explanation for that!"

- "Yes, but Spencer being in love with me is not the explanation. I'm gonna get a drink."

Spencer's point of view

I was surprised to get Ashley's phone call that night. When my phone rang, I was ready to go to bed. My head was killing me. I had already scheduled an appointment with the doctor for some exams. I was starting to have a bad feeling about what those headaches really were, and I was too scared to tell anyone what was going on. Not even (Y/N).

Actually, of all people, she was the one I wanted to keep in the dark. Why? ‘Cos ever since we met she had taken care of me, I didn't think it was fair. She had taken me into her life and given me a place in it. And sometimes, I felt I was a burden. She helped me overcome all of my traumas and even my drug addiction. She introduced me to her best friends and made me part of her life. (Y/N) had taken trips with me to Las Vegas just to see my mom, ‘cos she knew it was hard for me to do it on my own. If it hadn't been for her, I would have probably spent over a year without visiting her. Now, we took a weekend to see mom every few months.

Why would I trouble her with some headaches? It wasn't fair.

When Ashley called, for a moment, I thought it might be (Y/N), asking me to pick her up. But no. It wasn't her that time.

- "Hey Spence, I'm sorry to bother you, but… are you at Anderson's party?"

- "No, actually, I'm in my house."

- "Why? I thought you were invited too."

- "Yeah, I know, and I was, but I'm kind of tired, and I wanted to come home and get some rest. Why? Are you at the party?"

- "No, but I was getting ready to go. But now I feel kind of awkward asking you."

- "What? What is it?"

- "I just… wanted to know if you could come with me. I'm so sorry, Spence, I didn't know you were tired. I just… I wanted to go to the party, but I feel kind of silly going alone. I wanted to ask Prentiss, but she left with (Y/N) and Garcia, and I felt so awkward asking…"

I wanted to groan, roll in my bed and hide under my pillow. But Ashley was the new girl, and she deserved to have some fun.

- "Don't worry, I'll take you there,"- I know I whispered my answer ‘cos I didn't really want to do it, but somehow I felt it was my duty.

- "Really?!"- and by the excitement in Ashley's voice, it was clear that was what she wanted to hear.

- "I'll pick you up in half an hour, ok?"

- "Thank you so much, Spence!!"

But when I walked into the bar, I knew I had made a mistake. I felt it in my guts. The same intuition I never followed in my personal life, only on the field.

I quickly looked around as Ashley held on to my arm tightly and walked into the bar with a big smile. I soon found Prentiss and JJ talking at a table filled with empty glasses, and my heart jumped inside my chest at the warm, familiar feeling that my friends gave me. I missed JJ very much. And not just as a team member but as a friend who had been taken away from us. (Y/N) always said I didn't know how to deal with change, neither did she, and the shifts in the team always affected me.

Soon I saw Morgan too, talking with Anderson and some other agents. Garcia had to be close then, but I couldn't see her or (Y/N) anywhere around.

- "Come on! Let's get a drink!"- Ashley said and crawled me to the bar.

- "I don't drink and drive"- I said, and she pouted.

- "Come on! You are no fun! Just one!"

- "No, just water. Thanks,"- I turned and scanned the place. Everybody was there, and they seemed to be having fun. Penelope waved and walked to me suddenly. She cut me a short smile and grabbed my arm.

- "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"

- "I didn't want to come, but Ashley insisted and…"

- "Hi!"- Ashley appeared by our side and handed me a bottle of water- "I'm so excited to be here! We really needed to decompress after everything that happened this week, right Garcia?"

Penelope stared at us, trying to formulate an answer. I could see her making her bet to say something, but she just didn't. Instead, she just turned around and walked away.

- "Is she ok?"- I didn't know how to answer that, ‘cos Penelope's reaction surprised me. Ashley just looked around and grabbed my arm again.

- "Come on, Spencer! Let's dance!"

- "No, I don't… dance, sorry."

Lucky for me, Prentiss showed up and invited us to sit with her at her table. I don't know if she noticed I was uncomfortable, but I was glad to see her. Being in that bar made me feel pretty awkward and exposed.

I had never been much of a party person. I wasn't used to bars and gatherings until I joined the BAU. When I first met Derek, he tried to take me out a few times and be my wingman. It's obvious he failed at that mission. Meeting people at a bar is the most complicated equation I could ever try to solve. It doesn't work for me, no matter how hard Derek pushed me to do it. He said I had to rely on what made me feel comfortable. But no. It wasn't that I couldn't meet people. It was that I didn't want to meet anyone once I met the woman of my dreams. Even when I knew she could never be mine.

When (Y/N) came along, she started hosting these fun "dinner parties" with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, which changed everything. It was the first time I was hanging out with people my age doing things I actually liked doing. It wasn't about drinking or picking girls in a bar. It was about playing Jenga, or charades, eating pizza, and talking about movies and sometimes even books.

(Y/N) said her friends considered me part of the gang, which was all I ever wanted to hear. That I belonged. It's kind of sad when you think about it, but I don't care. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere, and they made me feel like I was one of them. They took me to their rock shows, and I jumped along with the crowd, knowing I wasn't an outcast there. I was with my friends.

You don't know how good that made me feel. And for years, they were my social comfort and cocoon. Then, when Rossi joined the BAU again, he started hosting fancy dinner parties at his house, and I got to hang out with the whole team without being at a bar, pushed to meet people. And it was so good. (Y/N) always said Rossi's arrival had a cohesive effect on us. Not because he brought us together, but the circumstances of his arrival and everything that happened that first year.

This team is no stranger to trauma, and that's a fact. I think Rossi's dinner parties gave us a space to be ourselves, relax, have a few drinks and enjoy our time together. I think that's when we stepped from being friends to be family.

And I hadn't had one before.

I hugged JJ tight as soon as I saw her smiling at me. I hadn't seen her ever since her goodbye party, over two months before, but we had talked on the phone a few times.

- "I've missed you so much, Spence!!"- she said and held my face with both hands- "You and (Y/N) owe me two babysit nights,"- and I laughed, thinking we promised we'd take care of Henry so she and Will could have a date, but we were called for a case.

- "Wait! It was one night!"- I argued, chuckling- "Why is it two nights now?"

- "‘Cos I lost a very exclusive reservation due to the two of you."

- "Technically, it wasn't our fault, we were called in for a case..."

I smiled and sat next to JJ, and Prentiss sat next to me. Ashley stood by the table and smiled at JJ. Right, they didn't even know each other.

- "It's very nice to meet you, Agent Jareau. The team talks very highly of you,"- she shook JJ's hand and smiled.

- "Ashley, right? Prentiss was just telling me you will be taking your remedial training at the BAU. Congratulations, it's a fantastic team to work with."

- "Thank you,"- I took a look around, still trying to find my best friend around. But it seemed useless, and I was starting to feel worried.

- "Where's (Y/N)?"- I had to ask.

- "She was with Anderson a minute ago,"- Penelope said and looked around- "I am going to look for her and bring her here in a second. I'll be right back."

And so, she was gone.

Prentiss and I pretty much interrogated JJ about her new job and the new team she worked with at the pentagon. I sipped my water and half-listened her answer, ‘cos most of my head was trying to register what was going on around me. No, actually, I was trying to find (Y/N). Penelope had been gone for half an hour looking for her, and I was starting to think something weird was going on. Besides, my head was killing me, and all I wanted was to go home. But I hadn't seen JJ in weeks, and I couldn't waste a chance like that.

Ashley talked with Prentiss too, and every once in a while, she tried to engage in conversation with me. But to be honest, I couldn't really concentrate on anything. I just wanted to know (Y/N) was alright.

- "Excuse me,"- I stood up slowly and looked at my friends- "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."

- "Can you get us another round on our way back?"- Prentiss asked and smiled guiltily.

- "Sure."

- "Do you need help?"- Ashley tried to stand up, but Emily stopped her.

- "He got it, don't worry."

So I was left on my own. I walked around the bar. In my mind, I kept telling myself I was "looking for the bathroom," but I knew very well I was indeed trying to find (Y/N). I had been in that bar for an hour, and I still hadn't seen her. I was worried.

I walked around the bar and found Anderson. He seemed to be a little shocked to see me there but smiled and hugged me. It was weird hugging people, still. But Anderson was part of the team. It always felt like it. We had known each other for years, and somehow it was like he was in the background of our daily basics.

- "Have you seen (Y/N)?"- I asked him, and he widened his eyes- "What?"

- "Yeah, she's right there, actually… "- Grant Anderson pointed and turned around- "Later, Reid."

- "Bye"- I didn't even look at him. I just turned and looked around to see (Y/N).

But my best friend didn't notice me. She was too busy kissing some guy.

I stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. Her eyes were closed, and her arms were around his neck, so clearly, she wasn't in distress, and no matter how badly I wanted to take her from him, I just couldn't.

For a minute, I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and stared at (Y/N), trying to understand what was going on. I always knew she wasn't meant to be mine, but I had never gotten such a brutal reminder. Not even when she was dating Paul. Watching her kissing someone else was shocking. The way that man put his hands on her waist and held her close to him, just like I always dreamt of doing, was painful.

Painful. That was the only word I can explain how it felt.

I stood there for a minute or so. I really don't know how long it was, but it felt long enough to burn in my memory everything I needed to torture myself with for the rest of my life. I stepped back after a minute. It might have been longer; I really can't recall. And all I managed to do was to walk out of the bar and reach my car.

I opened the door and slammed it as I sat behind the wheel. I wanted to cry and yell. But I didn't do either of those. Instead, I stayed still, staring at the nothing in front of me, trying to erase that fresh memory from my head. But it was impossible. (Y/N) was making out with some guy inside that bar, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I did the only thing I could do at that minute. I started the car and got the fuck out of there.

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Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

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Next update: June 23th, 2021