#and i have to wake up in 4 hours help
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threatening my braincell with a knife: stop thinking about kimchay and sleep
the braincell: oooh what if chay happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and kim comes to the rescue
me shaking and sobbing: please stop
the braincell: KIM GOES FERAL
#please someone shut it up it won't stop#and i have to wake up in 4 hours help#either someone needs to shut up the braincell or the universe needs to let me not need sleep#i'm too cute to need sleep#and i want to do too many things#there isn't enough time for sleep#kimchay#tea's ramblings#this is post canon btw and kim is there because of course he's stalking chay#like the stalking stalker that he is#after this kim takes chay to his apartment and they finally talk as chay insists on bandaging kim's hands#(because of course they're bruised and bloody after that)#JESUS CHRIST DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN#THIS IS A JOKE POST#AND THEN MY BRAINCELL GOES OOOH BUT ACTUALLY!!!! AU#no#nonononono#stop this this is getting ridiculous
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sighs
#i had to erase Some Things so now he looks a lil gummy. ignore that <3#anyway i really dont help myself do i. this is one of the fruitiest poses i've ever drawn#its So blurry tho. i'm gonna have to actually do lineart 😔 but im kinda thinkin of doing a micless stream for that hmmmmmmm#the reason its blurry is bc i accidentally drew it tiny as hell and then had to transform the fuck out of it to try some perspective#it has been 4 hours#goodnight ! yall better be NORMAL when i wake up ok. okay.#ebony#atbb#fauxfell
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WHY HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS B4 MZNDBSNSJEJW where is this from please?????
looool it’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment from one of the ltwt22 US leg IGTVs… post Minneapolis in case you wanna go look it up! baby boy was bakin & shakin 🐥
so freaking cute, someone stab me
#anon#shake that thing#after show shenanigans#also lol I can’t sleep help#I have to ‘wake up’ in 4 hours 💀
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i can’t sleep bc i’m thinking about immren (😭 lol) but specifically his relationship with karlach im thinking about.
they knew each other because in my durge timeline, he was there when karlach was gortash’s bodyguard. she didn’t know the full extent of their relationship (bane + bhaal partnership) , i think she knew they were close though bc one of them mentioned knowing each other when they were kids.
so we know gortash backstabbed her and sold her to zariel, and she’s pissed about it. immren had no part in that, but she was definitely wary of him when they meet again (understandably). but like he’s lost and confused and there’s a bunch of new scars on his body he doesn’t know where they came from. and i have a vivid idea in my mind of karlach being like “wow he must’ve chewed you up and spat you right out too.”
because like. durge’s body was at moonrise towers. gortash had a little workshop area there. he definitely knew immren was getting tortured (but like the agreement tht he wouldn’t meddle in the other chosen’s affairs.) i think adds another layer to that
and also like karlach left the party in immren’s first playthrough bc he slaughtered the grove (“wow you’re still terrible.” - karlach probably) But with my second immren playthrough, i’m planning on Not doing the evil route so it’ll be fun to think about expanding his relationship with karlach further. bc it would definitely be strained on her end, and it’s hard bc immren has amnesia and doesn’t remember who gortash is. so she’s probably like “he doesn’t even fully know why im freaked out by him..”
#sorry for rambling . idk if this makes sense#txt#oc: immren#I have to wake up for work in 4 hours help
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i finished my fic it's 28,000 words and fucked up and evil and based on house of leaves and the r/nosleep SAR story and leon is repressed and doesnt know he's gay and theyre LOST in endless mines and luis is DEAD and smells like RUST but leon gets his dick sucked anyway and ive worked on this for a week straight and im finalllllyyyy dooooonnnneeeeee
#girl help it's 12:37 am and i have to wake up at 7 for a 4 hour trip to vegas and im wired on the adrenaline of FINISHING a project#.txt
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Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.
#zoloft#sertraline#i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm#i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why#i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch#and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up#like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there#and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first#it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet#like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me#also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it#and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV#and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out#and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream#guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour#which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream#for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it#because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another#oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him#through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol#that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment.#i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one
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"the joy of creating lies not within the finished piece itself but the process." i say, as if im not about to start crying any time soon
#nillas#ITS FINE im fine 👍#hamlet posting#<- im fine#Note that im not tagging vanili powder because im not mad or upse or anything just disappointed#which isn't helpful with pinpointing what im feeling rn because im always kind of disappointed at everyone including myself but.#I unno i think im just a little tired#id say ''But I don't have the right to'' but honestly im kinda giving it my whole ussy out here soooo. shut up.#Im probably gonna spend the rest of the night watching youtube I dont have enough time to sleep 8 hours#gotta wake up at 4 am but its already 11 pm ish :( I just had dinner and drank after a few hours and I dont feel so good aughh#maybe thats why im bitchy. Haven't been taking care of myself propely in awhile.#Slay#goodnight im gonna look for my charger & binge youtubs#i miss my babygirls (My ocs & fav characters)
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i wish i was good at arts so i could have a reason to stay at home and draw all day
#if i was good at it id prob do it for income#cuz gods working customer service is fucking killing me#it doesn't help that at least half of my day is dedicated solely to work related shit on the days that i have to go#i wake up at 6 then get ready really quickly so i can get on the bus at 7 so i can be at work by 8#which is AT LEAST a half hour bus ride#then work from 8am to 4:30pm and have to wait another 15 minutes minimum for the bus to go home#then i get home at like 5:30 and barely have the motivation to make food before i should be going to sleep#trying to do any of my hobbies during my work week feels pointless#cuz i dont have much time to do that and feed myself and get ready for the next day and give myself time to actually wind down from the day#at least i feel like i don't#and on the weekends i just rot in bed cuz i have no motivation to do much of anything else aside from *maybe* play something#accidental whole ass vent post my b#my head hurts#ira speaks
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youtube
#diana's music diary#good morning#i slept early#it was nice#very cozy#I only slept like 4 hours though cause I had to get up for a delivery... also I'm posting this a couple of hours after waking...#as is becoming usual for these... I've been kind of vibing to music pretty much...#anyway yesterday was good but so exhausting... played lethal company with friends like I'd said which was really fun!! was a little bit of#process getting my bearings in it since I'd seen maybe one second of gameplay before but after a day or two in game I picked it up I'd say!#I mostly just ran away when I saw something scary but I tried scanning a monster and it opened the door which made me scream once ahaha#after that I was a lil tired but we ended up having a session of the project moon ttrpg I'm in kind of out of nowhere#it was short but v fun to play Frei again he kind of completely shut down the distortion singlehandedly which was surprising considering he#has no combat capability.. incapacitated them and read its mind which helped us figure out what we needed to do to resolve the distortion#-peacefully! my partners character did the actual resolving cause Frei is terrified of going near anything as gross as that distortion was#(it was a giant gross greasy burger monster. who was just bob from bobs burgers. he ended up in a polycule with linda and teddy after.)#Frei also read my partners characters mind a bit and maybe upset him a little by mentioning his daughter (her character is divorced lol)#anyway yeah... I was tired after both of those so I kinda got in bed and passed out quickly while listening to music...#idk what I'll do today I'm a bit sore still and I'm v sick and tired rn so I'll probably just relax a bit...#let's make today nice and cozy and good... love u friends thank u for reading <3
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#vent tw#bc this turned emo#i feel like ive said this a lot so just ignore me if im repeating myself#but ive been so exhausted lately its ruining my days :(#i literally sleep like 13+ hours a day if not more#sometimes im out for like 20 hours#typically its not straight its like. i’ll sleep for 4 hrs then wake up for 30 mins then sleep again#and then by then end of the day its like 7pm and ive just woke up. i hate it#its 5pm and i just woke up but like thats basically my entire day gone now#i just feel so tired all the time. like i cant do anything but sleep. my motivation is zero#i hate it i hate it i hate it. i feel dumb#ik im complaining about stuff that seems trivial bc like most people have real things to stress about. meanwhile im just sleeping my days#away. but i still hate it. i wish i could stay awake and see thru the day without sleeping through the majority of it. :(#health wise i’m terrified there’s something like legitimately wrong w me. i mean mental wise too#it’s just that i’m so resistant to change and VERY resistant to getting help for myself that nothing gets done#i’m sorry ik this is heavy i’m just frustrated 😭 i don’t have anyone to tell this to so i’ll tell this to you 🤸#kinda feels like i’m talking to a friend then. even if it’s just the tumblr void
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i need to wake up earlier and earlier and earlier and i just keep going to bed later and later and later 😍😍😍😍😍😍
#i took a 2 hr nap a few hours after i got home which helps. but i didn’t fall asleep until almost 4 and i missed every single one of my#alarms meanwhile i have to be AT WORK an hour from the time i actually did wake up (7:30) tomorrow and when im at the retreat next week i ha#have to be up at 6-6:30 so i have time to prepare and eat breakfast. i cannae do this 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#purrs#not to say this but i think the problem is om always on that damn phone unironically.. need to stop looki ng at it when im trying to go to b#bed bc i just keep thinking of things i want to check out and then it’s like ok im only getting 3 hrs of sleep tonight. cool.#have barely started prepping for the retreat btw so that’s cool. literally i haven’t even met w my cofacilitators for half my sessions and#im doing most of them on monday! so that’s awesome. everything is fine. GOD i miss winter break
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Can I plz request some solo phone backgrounds of the guys more specifically Kendall and Logan?! 🤩🤩🤩
just posted it here!! i'm not sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but i threw in a little bit of both babie and manband kendall + logan for funsiesヾ(•ω•`)o although if you were looking specifically for showverse!kogan, i'm so sorry i didn't get to include any (；′⌒`) nonetheless, thank you for the request and i really hope you like them!!! 💜
#apologies for the delay :'< i promise i'm also working on other requests but i'm just dealing with an injured wrist so it's taking slower#plus i'm tied up with work for the weekdays from 9 to 5 and spend half my free time carked asleep bc idk hashtag old man things ykyk#whatever the case i'll try to finish them before the end of the week. and it does really help out to be more specific with the requests 😅#anonymous#btr#big time rush#kendall knight#logan mitchell#gif#mine#requests#all the windows down#do pretty girl don't speak#depending on the type of edit it usually takes me a minimum of 3-5 hours to get a set done. even longer if i get all pedantic about it rip#so my usual gameplan is just plug in 4-6 hours of sleep wake up at 2 AM bc that's when my brain functions best then spend all night making#stuff. after that it's straight to work which i have to prepare for at 8 AM. i am not going to survive in this planet long but oh whale#(stfu allen no one asked abt ur life hashshahs sorry for ramblies i'm so heady from exhaustion rn)
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🎉🎉🎊🎇🎆 WAHOOO 🎆🎇🎊🎉🎉
IM FUCKING BACK OMG!??!?!!?!??!??!?
thank you [tumblr] but also PESTENG YAWA NIMO [tumblr]
#so what happened was that my account got RANDOMLY TERMINATED LOL (how fun 🙃!!! /s)#i'm not gonna regale you the whole story of last week (yet)#(bc i've been TRYING to do that here on the tags but [tumblr] keeps on lagging on me & kept making me accidentally backspace every tag)#so here's the summery of what happened to me for the past week (contradicting what i said two tags earlier but w/e):#got banhammered by mistake#naively wasted time ''''contacting'''' support (I mean that's what they put in the suspension screen so you know)#the next day found the account recovery thing on [tumblr]'s help page#proceeded to NOT look up on what to do & sent two tickets TWICE 🤦🏻♀️#later found a tumblrina's actually helpful advice post & found out that all that didn't matter bc#a) it's the weekend for support team so good luck with those automated emails that wont do shit bc#b) my waking hours are closed hours for them & they're open around when i'd go to sleep AND#c) since i've now sent those two tickets (should've been one) i now have to wait about a WEEK just in case they got them but#d) if i'm still terminated after the week. THEN i can send another ticket#so i had to make myself be busy with anything else that's not [tumblr] for a week#during which time i set up alarms for yesterday evening to send a ticket later that night#so the week passed & it was yesterday evening#i was SO READY to do what i planned to do that night#you know what happened? I SLEPT THROUGH THE ALARMS & NEARLY THE ENTIRE NIGHT 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤬🙃😵💫#i was LUCKY i woke up at around 4 AND immediately remembered ''OH SHIT THE COMPLAINT!!!''#so i sent it#& as soon as i ooened yt to wait an email was sent#thought it was another automated email so i opened it#but iT WAS AN ACTUAL EMAIL TELLING ME MY ACCOUNT' S BEEN REINSTATED WOOHOO!!!!! 🎉🎊💥🎊🎇😭😭😭😭😭😭#so now I'm back. back from [tumblr] suspension limbo#& EEWWW WHAT'S THIS TUMBLR LIVE SHIT GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE#*proceeds to snooze tumblr live for the week* thank goodness they're gone#kinda funny though since last week when i got back here (before the termination) one of the things on my dash was the whole poll bonanza#(& vanilla extract or whatever)#anyways i can now go back to soaking up the unhinged vibes of this wretched place (affectionate)#babble on the tower
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I wish I could sleep more than a few hours at a time. I’m so freaking tired all the time.😴
#even with the help of melatonin#I still wake up after 4-5 hours#and can't fall back asleep#it's also the reason posts have been pretty sporadic#nonsims#textpost
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I'M SO SLEEPY HFLKDJA
#🌙.vent#weekends r too short i barely did anything ngl but. i did spend time w my family n some friends lately so that's nice !?!#just thinking n oh my god i hate being shy so much. i tell myself so often i need to hesitate less! but#it's just so HARD. I HATE IT BCS I REALLY WNA JUST#😭😭 i can't help but feel really bad about it bcs. i really need to..#oh my mind is such a mess rn wait but i really need to hesitate less#ok that said it's 4 am n i have to wake up in less than 3 hours. i'm sleepy but. i want to.. write whatever. i need to#it's so hard for me to bring myself to sleep until i've. written. something#writing to my friend writing to myself writing for school i don't care i really just need to write something before i sleep#this sucks bcs i'm genuinely rlly sleepy rn but i can't bring myself to just. stop wtvr n finally go to sleep#it's so. tbf it is like 4 am rn my mind is so messy#i opened up a bit to one of my online friends of my.. anxiety of like drifting apart or being distant n all#n their words reminded me of some stuff that made me reflect a bit n#i know w like. a lot of my friends i don't have to be so nervous about anything at all n i#i'm about to cry rn i blame it on the lack of sleep n the sleepiness i have rn :<#it's just such a touchy subject for me i always get very emotional when i think or reflect on what i mean to others....?#it's a really really touchy subject for me bcs it just. reminds me that i'm. actually alive n human too yk? that. this is. real i think#i'm crying this is so dumb#it's so. i hate it so much bcs at heart i know better but it's just so hard to really just accept that. i don't know#how is it like to have /me/ in your life?? in whatever way?? it just feels so unreal to me n that. probably stems from a certain#loneliness that i've grown to be used to. n then it's the root of my hesitation i Think#it's just.. rlly so hard at times to. idk i can't help but unintentionally restrain myself w others n there's just often this barrier#i hate it i'm so afraid to be hurt in any way again that even though i rlly wish this fear wasn't there it's just engraved in me#n so i wonder at times. the person others know me as. is it rlly me or just the parts they want to see. an image of me?#i hate it bcs i know certainly w the way i perceive others i love them so much wholly but accepting that for me feels so 'selfish'#i know better but it's so hard to just break out of it n i feel like a burden so often.i hate it so much i feel like i'm rarely ever enough#& i 'have' to be just enough; not too much or too little. i have. fears of what wld happen if i really be myself if i wasn't shy n all..?#n then i rlly can be too harsh on myself at times. to do things right n properly. but life is imperfect the world is imperfect n it's ok if#if i'm not too right? if i can love others unconditionally then.. surely surely i'm not exempt from that? surely i'm human too?#yk what. i'll be fine when i wake up i think i'll go sleep n do the rest tomorrow. it's been.. a month now hasn't it? 28th huh
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going to cause a reverse saw-trap like scenario next time i see my rheumatologist wherein they have 1 hour to figure out whats up or give me some sort of pain management or i kill myself in the hospital waiting room thusly changing their career forever
#howl.txt#god i can not deal with the pain anymore el oh el i cant have another doctors visit where i get blown off#like. i wake up at the crack of dawn and drive for 4 hours to see you what do you mean im going to wait 3 months w no help 'to see'#WHAT ARE YOU SEEING NOTHING IS CHAINGING
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